#insist you shouldn't) and feeling the need to either change that (somehow. not sure that's really... possible...) or justify your feelings
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
harbingerofwhump · 6 months ago
Text
Do people realize that you can. Not enjoy rap music because you just don't generally enjoy it? Y'all know you don't have to try to construct some Progressive Leftist Justification (that really just ends up being racist) for not enjoying it right? The style can just generally... not appeal to you? And that's fine?
1 note · View note
rappaccini · 1 year ago
Note
I came across your gwen fic on a03 and I thank you for writing it because it's literally the kind of character analysis and a deconstruction of gwen stacy that she so desperately needs in mainstream media...I knew there was a reason i wasn't fond of spiderverse gwen i mean as amazing the story is i hate how they're regulating gwen to being yet ANOTHER Spiderman's love interest when they don't need to. It's so forced and not only is it bad for gwens character as a whole but for miles as well. Gwen should be able to exist beyond being a love interest to either spiderman (miles/peter) and miles should be able to have his own unique story and be his own Spiderman (and love interest) instead of being given peter's.
thank you! my feelings about spiderverse gwen are very complicated. great movies, but definitely not perfect, and gwen's depiction is easily the weak point. i'm happy she's in the movies because they introduced her to the general public and are pretty much the reason why her solo series lasted as long as it did...
but she objectively adds nothing to the plot of itsv other than being a pretty cardboard cutout with Strong Female Character scribbled across the torso in sharpie for miles to crush on and win the respect of. literally, coming from a spider-gwen fan, you could swap her out with any female spider hero and nothing would change.
in atsv she finally gets a personality and point of view, and as a character who's tied inherently to challenging and subverting spider-man narratives, in a story about challenging and subverting the spider-man narrative, there's actually a tangible reason for her to be in this plot now that no other character can fulfill.
(the reason: deconstructing the male power fantasy. why should the crux of the male lead's development be obtaining a girlfriend? and why should the girl's existence have to revolve around him when she could be her own hero?)
but that reason isn't being used. if anything it's being intentionally ignored to force gwen to be the girlfriend again and keep the fantasy intact. sure, gwen's got a perspective and a personality but they're watered down as hell so i can't blame people for not being attached to her (... or for her solo movie presumably being cancelled and her atsv intro being the consolation prize. wow, who knew you can't make a compelling solo movie about a girl whose defining trait is 'can i be your girlfriend?'). and those changes were made specifically to make sure she stays appealing to him and has no reason to not be attracted to him. now her metanarrative's been twisted into 'if only you could have a happy ending with the boyfriend who usually gets you killed' and i cannot believe how insulting that is.
truly. nobody has the balls to write a spider-gwen story that actually grapples with how awful gwen stacy's role in the story is and how the spider-men are all complicit in it. even the spider-gwen solo had to tiptoe around gwen's peter being an incel who tried to murder their classmates to punish her for not going to the dance with him. no surprise they edited that away in atsv.
as for miles... again it's that damn hero gets the girl story. why is obtaining a girlfriend the reward for a character arc about self-discovery? why can't we have a story about a powerful friendship?
the writers obviously drew heavily from sitting in a tree for atsv given how hard they're cramming gwen and miles together and insisting that getting peter parker's leftovers is somehow better for miles than finding someone to love who's entirely unique, but somehow totally missed the part where they mutually acknowledge how creepy it is that they're being forced to get together by the narrative and agree to only be friends. it feels like the deepest they read into it was 'oh, gwen can't be with peter, but ~miles~ is different!' (he's not!)
not to mention the hypocrisy of a narrative all about how miles shouldn't have to follow peter parker's playbook and needs to be allowed to be his own hero with a story tailored to him... except for the girlfriend. we can keep the girlfriend the same, because if he gets the coolest, hottest, most unattainable white spider-man girlfriend and goes further with her than peter ever got to, that'll prove to everyone in the audience how special he is.
or the assimilation vs self-determination narrative. it's one of the biggest themes for miles as a character in general, and it's reflected in the movies. the spider society's a giant unsubtle metaphor for society as a whole: acceptance is dependent on being like the white guys and miles tries to join because he wants to assimilate. back at home he's contemplating going to princeton, where he's going to be surrounded by mostly white people and away from his community, and is only interested in doing that so he can study physics and find a way to reconnect with gwen (and peter) because he thinks they're the only ones who understand him. it's not a coincidence that ended badly and he's starting act 3 face to face with a version of himself, who actually can understand him, right as he has to save the community he was preparing to leave behind. if btsv ends with him getting with gwen, the theme gets muddled.
and like. they have one more movie to go and everything they need to turn this around is right there in the story already... but why would they when all-male creative teams like this handling stories like these never do? to use the movie's own words, the writers want to have their cake and eat it too. they want to be subversive, but not at the cost of their hero getting the shiniest trophy at the end of the story.
5 notes · View notes
casspurrjoybell-25 · 5 months ago
Text
Cold as Ice - Chapter 50 - Part 1
Tumblr media Tumblr media
*Warning - Adult Content*
Landon Reilly
I didn't really know how it happened but somehow I ended up eating breakfast at a diner with Rojas, Jess and Anthony one day.
I wasn't even sure the three of them had ever said more than a passing word to one another but I was walking with Jess one morning when we ran into Rojas, who then decided to join us at the coffee shop where Anthony worked.
Then Jess just probably assumed that made us all friends and now we were hanging out as the four of us, which felt weird.
It felt like the three of them all came from different parts of my life and shouldn't have been mixing together.
"Chris, pass me the salt," Jess said to Rojas.
She insisted on calling him by his first name, which he didn't seem to mind.
He said that it was really only the hockey guys that called him by his last name.
Jess was sitting next to me on the outside of the booth while Anthony sat across from her with Rojas next to him.
I couldn't get over how strange it felt to be sitting here with all of them but I knew Jess probably wanted to make sure I wasn't going to just sit in my dorm and wallow in self pity over my break up with Wren.
Without her, that was probably what I would have been doing but she made sure to keep me busy.
Even with keeping busy, my heart didn't hurt any less.
I still felt lonely at the end of the night when I got back to the dorm, even if my roommate, Kyle, was there.
Part of me wanted to just go back to Wren and tell him he didn't need to love me and being together was enough but I couldn't do that.
It would just end up hurting me more in the end and there was no way Jess would let me do that.
"You guys seriously need to start winning games," Jess said to Rojas.
They had already been talking but I was zoned out of the conversation.
Rojas just laughed then looked over at me, his expression changing to a puzzled one.
"Earth to Landon," Rojas said, waving a hand in front of my face.
"I'm here," I said, swatting his hand away.
"Didn't seem like it," he replied, leaning back in his seat.
"You looked far away."
"Are we not doing a good enough job distracting you?" Jess asked, looking genuinely concerned.
"I don't think anything could distract me right now," I told her with a sad smile.
"Well, if we're talking about it... I saw..." Anthony started but paused when Jess shot him a look.
"I saw, he who shall not be named, the other day."
"Yeah, so did I," I said, remembering the way we had run into each other.
It was reminiscent of one of our first encounters earlier on in the school year.
The thought made me sad, how we went from being basically strangers to so much more and how much had changed between us in such a short amount of time.
I wished Wren could just say what I needed to hear because I knew he loved me.
There was no way what either of us felt for the other wasn't enough but I supposed that just loving each other wasn't enough.
He didn't love me enough to say it back.
He didn't love me enough to hold onto me.
That was what my life had always been like.
No one ever loved me enough but that had never affected me as much as it was right now.
I wanted so badly for Wren to love me enough.
"He looked kinda rough," Anthony continued.
"He sat in the coffee shop for hours without even realizing."
The last time Wren and I had broken up, it was apparent that he was not as good at dealing with emotions as he liked to pretend.
He was actually quite bad it, so this news didn't surprise me but it did cause a squeeze in my chest as I thought about him feeling down and being alone.
"What if you try to make him jealous?" Jess asked, turning toward me.
"Let him see what he's missing. If he's going through it, he clearly wants you back. He just needs a kick in the ass."
"And how would I do that?" I muttered, not that I was seriously considering her suggestion.
I wasn't entirely sure Wren would even be jealous if I tried, though he seemed jealous back when Micah visited and our relationship was new but I didn't want to do that to him purposely and there was no way I was going to be able to find anyone to make him jealous with.
"You could pretend to be seeing Chris," Jess suggested, motioning toward Rojas, who stopped reaching for his food the moment his name was mentioned.
"Yeah, not happening," I said, shaking my head.
"I think it's a good idea," Anthony said, earning a look of appreciation from Jess.
"You would," I retorted.
"I'd do it with you but he knows I'm with James," Anthony said.
"And James would be pissed. He is the jealous type."
"It wouldn't really work if it was you though," Jess said.
"Because he knows you but he doesn't know Chris."
Rojas cleared his throat, causing the rest of us to look at him.
I was embarrassed this conversation was even happening.
"I don't mind, if Landon thinks this would help," Rojas said.
He sounded genuine but I was still embarrassed about him being dragged into this.
"No, I'm not doing it," I said, my tone making it clear that this was my final decision.
********
A couple days later, Jess invited Rojas and I to the coffee shop where Anthony worked and then conveniently something came up so she couldn't go with us, leaving just Rojas and me while Anthony was working and even more conveniently, Wren happened to be there.
I knew without even knowing that Jess and Anthony set this up.
Anthony must have told her Wren was there, so she got Rojas and me to show up as if the two of us being there together was enough to make Wren jealous.
Wren didn't even look up when we walked in there.
He was too focused on whatever he was doing on his laptop, which was probably the novel he had been working on.
"I swear I had nothing to do with this," Rojas whispered to me as we waited for our coffees.
"Oh, I know," I replied, shooting daggers at Anthony who was smiling to himself behind the counter.
"I know exactly who had something to do with this."
"We can leave," Rojas offered.
"Coffee for Landon," Anthony called out with a grin, placing my coffee down on the counter.
I didn't even know if Wren noticed or looked in my direction because I was too busy glaring at Anthony and wanting to shrivel up and die of embarrassment.
After Rojas got his drink, the two of us found a place to sit beside each other, which happened to be in view of Wren.
He still had his eyes glued to his computer, giving me no indication he even knew I was here.
I couldn't tell if I wanted him to look at me or if I wanted him to remain unaware.
"That's him, right?" Rojas said, nodding in Wren's direction.
I sighed.
"Yeah, that's him."
"Do you want to tell me what happened with you two?" he asked.
"I mean, obviously you don't have to but if you want to talk about it, I'm all ears."
The truth was I didn't want to talk about it.
I gave the whole story to Jess and she had been nothing but supportive, though what she did this morning might have been stepping too far.
I gave a brief rundown to Micah who did his best to be supportive but wasn't that good at it without knowing all the details or having to talk through text.
It was too embarrassing to tell it all to Rojas.
The two of us were friends but he we weren't that close and he was the Captain of my hockey team, so he kind of had to make sure I was good.
Being setup to be there with him at the coffee shop and pretend we were on a date was embarrassing enough.
I didn't need to tell him that this was happening because my boyfriend basically told me he couldn't love me.
"There's really nothing to talk about," I told him, taking a sip of my coffee while still looking over at Wren.
"It doesn't seem like either of you even want to be broken up," Rojas said.
"At least from what Anthony and Jess were saying, so why are you?"
"It's... complicated."
'Complicated and mortifying'.
Just then, Wren's eyes moved from his screen and looked right at me.
The world stopped for a moment until Wren moved his gaze to Rojas sitting beside me.
Rojas had gotten closer without me realizing, like he didn't know if I wanted to go through with the jealousy plan but he was ready for it if I decided to.
Wren studied us for a moment, like we were one of the only things he couldn't figure out.
I couldn't read his expression.
He was always able to keep his face blank and hide his true feelings from any outsider that tried to read him.
I liked to think that I had broken through him a little bit, that I could read him better the closer I got to him.
It was like all of that went away as soon as we broke up because as I looked at his face now, there was nothing I could gather from it.
Wren had put a wall up that I couldn't break through.
Part of me wanted to move closer to Rojas, let him put his arm around me just to see if there would be a reaction from Wren but I couldn't make myself do it.
It didn't seem to matter whether or not I tried to make Wren jealous because he quickly packed up his things and left, his expression never changing.
I felt myself deflate a little.
"Well, that might have worked," Rojas said after Wren was gone.
"And we didn't even have to do anything."
"No, he just didn't want to see me," I mumbled, looking down at the table.
Probably because when he tried talking to me the other day, I turned and left without giving him the chance.
Maybe he was ready to open himself up for me at that moment, to be vulnerable and I didn't let him.
Maybe he wouldn't be ready to do that again and I blew any chance I had of him coming clean about his feelings and the two of us getting back together.
Rojas and I didn't talk much the rest of the time we were there at the coffee shop.
We finished our drinks and headed back toward campus in time for my first class.
1 note · View note
hpimaginesandblurbs · 4 years ago
Note
Hi! I loooove your writings.
Could you write a one for me where the war ends and Harry goes to Ginny to apologize after sometime, but being the stubborn woman she is, she picks up a fight with him and says she doesn't want to see him again. He needed the most comfort during that time and that is when our reader (who was also his best friend) enters 🎉, she stays with him during his nightmares and all his PTSD episodes and comforts him, and being oblivious to both of them, they fall in love. And when Ginny sees them together, she realises she shouldn't have let him go and she goes to talk with him, he calls her off but forgives her anyway.
P.S- Ginny sees the reader and James after she finishes talking with Harry and it breaks her?
I know it will take a lot of time, but I hope you can write it for me, please 🥺🥺.
pairing: harry potter x muggle!reader 
warning(s): pg, hurt/comfort, angst
word count: 2.9k 
a/n: i decided to make it a muggle, childhood best friend reader because it just started to flow like that. i hope you don’t mind and i hope this is everything you wanted it to be. i really loved the idea of writing something like this because it’s so different than my usual on her and it was really fun for me tbh.
1998 
---
“Hi,” Harry said from the doorway, a boyish grin on his face as he looked at his girlfriend sitting on her bed. Well, ex-girlfriend. Maybe girlfriend? He wasn’t sure. But that’s what he was here to try and figure out. 
“Hi,” Ginny replied back, a bit cold in her tone. 
“Can I - Can I come in?” He asked reluctantly. He had expected a much warmer welcome. When she simply nodded, he slipped in the room and shut the door lightly behind it. He leant against the door, wanting to keep as much distance between them until he was sure she wanted him closer. “I- I wanted to apologize for what this past year has been. I know I couldn’t help it, but I just wanted you to know all I wanted to do was keep you safe. You’re one of the only people I thought of when I was out there, wondering how you were doing, if you were alright. A- And I know this probably isn’t a good time but-,” he started, but Ginny cut him off quickly. 
“Then it isn’t a good time. You left me to go wonder about the woods for months. You didn’t have to do that. It didn’t change a damn thing. You never asked me how I felt about any of it. I just had to go along with it because you’re you,” she said angrily, a flush coming to her cheeks. 
“I know that now. That’s why I wanted to apologize,” Harry said back honestly, hoping she could hear it in his voice, see it in his eyes, just how sorry he was. 
Ginny let herself take a deep breath before looking up at him again. “You’re forgiven, but I won’t forget this, Harry. Ever. You hurt me and you can’t take that back easily.” 
“I know,” he said with a resigned sigh. 
He was just hoping… 
All he wanted was… 
He thought he could come to her… 
“I think you should leave, Harry. I love you, I do. But we all need some time right now. I need to be with my family,” Ginny told him gently, but that stubborn fire inside of her was never burnt out. 
“Y-yeah. Okay,” Harry agreed, immediately moving to open the door again. He had so much more he wanted to say to her, but he couldn’t stand the awkward tension for much longer. 
As he departed from the Burrow, he didn’t really have a clue as to where he was going. He didn’t have a family. Didn’t have a home. But he had Y/N. 
~~~
Later that night, Y/N heard a soft pop from outside her doorstep followed by a knock. When she opened it, she found her best friend Harry on her porch, staring down at his feet. 
“Are you alright?” She asked, concern lacing her voice, no need for hello’s between the two of them any longer. 
All Harry had to do was look up at her with tears swimming in his eyes to tell her no, no he was not alright. She immediately ushered him inside of her house and down the hallway to her bedroom, trying to bring him as much comfort as she could. 
Silently, she passed him old clothes that he had left there on previous occasions and guided him to lay down on the bed as he fought his tears before finally laying beside him as they had done as children. 
“What happened?” Y/N finally asked. 
“She doesn’t want me anymore. I know it’s stupid, after everything, but I just though… I dunno,” he trailed off, unable to look Y/N in the eye. 
She knew her childhood friend well as well as everything he had been through in his life, and she could see right through him. 
“Tell me,” she said gently, trying to coax the words out of him. 
“I just thought I could rely on her right now. I need her. She’s one of the only people who has ever brought me a shred of comfort and I need that right now,” he said quietly, for once in his life eloquently explaining his emotions. 
Y/N looked at the messy haired boy, unsure just what to do with him. It had to mean something that he came to her at that moment. When he felt he had no one, he somehow knew he still had her by his side. And Y/N could only hope that she brought the same comfort that Ginny had to him. 
“Well, you’re more than welcome to stay here. As long as you need. I’ve missed you,” she told him gently, keeping a well balanced smile on her face in case he finally looked up at her. 
And thankfully he finally did, and he looked a bit less upset than when he turned up, so that had to count for something. 
“I - I’ve missed you too, but I can’t just stay here,” he tried to argue. 
“And why’s that?” She asked, her brows furrowing together. 
“I don’t want to bother you,” he told her, a small blush coming to his cheeks. 
“Harry, we’ve been friends since forever and you’ve never bothered me once. You need someone, and quite frankly, somewhere to be. Just stay here,” she replied easily, not understanding why he was even arguing this. 
“I know that,” he said, frustration building in his voice. There was something he was hiding from her. After a well timed staring match, he finally broke. “I have nightmares.” 
“Well, I wouldn’t expect you to be completely unaffected by everything. That’s really not a problem, Harry. We’ll figure it out.” 
After much more much needed reassurance and enough hugs to satiate him, the pair finally fell asleep side by side, Harry finally feeling at ease in his own skin. 
~~~ 
One night turned into a week, and a week turned into months of Harry staying with Y/N. 
Almost every night, a nightmare would rouse them both from their sleep, but Y/N never faltered. Every time it happened, Y/N was quick to wake him from his screams and wrap him up in her arms, holding him until the tears stopped. Cups of tea would be shared and many late night binges of their favorite childhood shows brought the smiles back to both of their faces. 
And it wasn’t just difficult nights, the days grew hard sometimes as well. In his healing, Harry was paranoid, angry, depressed. Some days Y/N felt as if she was walking on eggshells around her best friend, but never once did she complain or feel put out by his behavior. She tried her best to understand what he had been through and the healing that came after that. 
And Harry was infinitely grateful for her. Without her, he wasn’t sure where he would be. Sure, he had Ron and Hermione, but they were preoccupied with themselves and each other at the meantime. He knew he could go to the Weasleys’, but he felt as if they had already done more than enough for him. And he hadn’t even heard from Ginny since that evening in her bedroom, a hurt that grew easier over time. 
As the months passed, the pair of friends only grew closer and closer. They practically knew each other inside out. And although there was another bedroom in Y/N’s flat, Harry always spent the night in her bed. Their bed. Both of them just argued that it was easier if a nightmare happened to leave it that way. 
And something that was clear in both of their heads, but oblivious to the other one, was that they were both madly in love with each other. Harry loved Y/N. Loved the comfort she brought, the ease she put him at, the way she was the only one to make him smile after a hard day. And Y/N loved Harry. Loved his messy hair in the mornings, the blushes he could make cross her cheeks, his never ending sass that could always make her laugh. But neither of them wanted to tell the other, unwilling to break the one good thing they both had going for them at the moment. 
~~~ 
It wasn’t until one day, on one of Harry’s particularly angry days, that one of them broke. 
He had come in slamming the door so hard it made the flat shake, making Y/N’s head snap up from her book. She eyes him warily as he made his way into the kitchen, where she could hear cabinets slamming and teacups clanging against each other from behind the wall.  
Slowly, she rose from her spot on the couch and rounded the corner into the kitchen, watching him carefully. 
“What?” Harry bit out harshly, knowing she was there without even turning around. 
“Do you want to talk about it?” Y/N asked, the same as she always asked him when he was like this. 
“No. I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t know why you always insist on making me talk about things anyways,” he said, rounding on Y/N to face her. 
She could see the anger in his eyes and knew she had to tread lightly. There had been a few cases of accidental magic within the past few months that she wouldn’t like to relive again and had no intention of pushing him that far today. 
“We don’t have to talk about it. The only reason I ask is because I know it helps you sometimes,” she spoke carefully, keeping her voice decidedly blank despite her desire to scream in his face some days. 
When she moved to leave him be in the kitchen, she heard him speak softly. 
“I dunno why you even still want me here.” 
It made Y/N stop short and her heart shattered all in one breath. In all the time had been there, neither of them had even questioned aloud why he was still here. Y/N had no desire to change their arrangement and she assumed he didn’t either. He had never said anything about it until today. 
“Harry, look at me,” Y/N said when she reentered the kitchen, a determinism about her that he couldn’t question when he did as she said. “I told you months ago that you could stay here for as long as you wanted to, however long that is. And I sincerely hope I have never done or said anything to make you feel as if I think otherwise. But I will not sit here and let you question my words. I want you here because you’re my best friend and you shouldn’t have to go through this by yourself as much as you try and convince yourself you should.” 
“I just don’t get it. It can’t be fun having me here when I’m like this. Your boss almost fired you because you keep being late because I keep you up because of my issues. You don’t get enough sleep because of me. You walk on eggshells half the time, don’t think I haven’t noticed. Why haven’t you just kicked me out already?” He asked, growing more and more frustrated as he spoke. 
“No, it’s not always fun. But I didn’t expect it to be when I offered either. And I will never kick you out on your arse because - oh, it doesn’t matter why. You need to get it through your skull that people won’t just give up on you. I won’t,” Y/N told him, her voice beginning to rise to match his, the first signs of anger she had directed towards him since they were children. 
“Tell me why,” he shouted, his hands planted firmly on the kitchen table as he looked up at her, a mix of anger and curiosity in his eyes. 
In that moment, Y/N weighed her options carefully. She could tell him the real reason why she wanted him here, needed him here just as much as he needed to be here, but that risked him bolting right out the door. She could lie to him, give him some other reason, but he’d see right through that. Or she could keep this argument going until it was over and see where that left them. She took a deep breath and shut her eyes before opening her mouth to speak. 
“Because I’m in love with you, Harry. I don’t know when it happened, or why, but I love you. That’s why I want to stay here.” 
Silence filled the room as they both took in what she said, only the sound of their breathing echoing off the walls. 
“Are you serious?” He finally asked, studying her face carefully. All she could give him back was a nod, too scared of the repercussions of speaking right now.
He must have seen something in her face, because suddenly he was rounding the table that had been separating them and approaching her quickly. She watched him move closer and closer until suddenly, his lips were on hers. 
Y/N felt every nerve ending explode when his lips devoured hers, never thinking she would ever share a moment like this with him. Carefully, her arms came up so her hands could wrap themselves in his shirt while his held her cheeks between them gently. Neither of them were sure how long they stayed like that, standing in the kitchen devouring each other, but when they pulled away they were both panting. 
Harry rested his forehead against hers, gently kissing her lips one last time before saying, “I love you, too.” 
---
2006 
---
Eight years. From that moment on, the pair of them had been together for eight years. Eight years filled with the good and the bad, the happy and the sad, but most of all, filled with an undeniable, unbreakable love that they shared for each other. 
In those years, there had been weddings and children, some of those milestones being theirs. They had gotten married just two years after their confession, not wanting to waste anymore time than they already had. And a year after that came their first child, a son named James Sirius Potter that was the light of their lives. 
And in those years, Harry had grown into the man that she always knew he would be. He was stable, had a job, and was still healing, albeit doing much better now than when he had shown up at her doorstep disheveled and in tears. He was the most loving husband and was completely smitten with his child, becoming the parent that he had always wanted. 
The three of them were out at Diagonalley, a place that Harry was happy to have introduced Y/N to years ago and was elated to go there as a family now. They were eating ice cream at Florean Fortescue's when Harry saw an unmistakable flash of red pass by, stop, and come back around. 
“Hi,” he heard awkwardly from behind him, causing his head to turn around to look at the source of it.  
And there was Ginny Weasley in all her glory. A chaser for the Hollyhead Harpies now, and looked the roll too. 
Harry immediately jumped into a quick reintroduction, knowing Y/N hadn’t had the time to have a proper one at there own wedding which, curiously, Ginny had ducked out early from. After a brief, and rather awkward, catch-up between the couple and his former girlfriend, Ginny made her move. 
“Harry, take a walk with me?” She asked, addressing only him now. 
After a quick nod from Y/N, who was occupied with James regardless, Harry took his leave to begin walking through the streets with his ex lover. As they began walking, the routine pleasantries were exchanged before Harry turned to her with an expectant glance, one that asked her ‘What are we doing here?’ without having to say the words. 
“Look,” she began with a resigned sigh, “I’m sorry if I’m interrupting your day but I just wanted to apologize for the way things ended between us back then. It was unfair of me to push you out like that and it’s been eating at me for a while now, and I just hope we can at least be friends now.” 
“I appreciate that, and you’re forgiven. But I’ve clearly moved on and I’m happy now. I can only hope the same for you,” he told her honestly. 
She gave him a forced smile and a nod before excusing him to get back on with his day, nothing more to say to him than what she already did. 
She watched as he walked away from the window of the shop they had been in. Watched him walk back to his family and back into her arms. Something that could have been hers if she hadn’t been stubborn and angry at the end of the war. 
She watched as Harry pulled his son into his arms, hoisting him up and laughing with his wife before placing a loving kiss to her lips. That could have been all hers. Should have been, she thought to herself bitterly. 
It took everything inside of her to stop watching him with his happy little family and finally turned away from the window, leaving Diagonalley and hopefully any thoughts of rekindling things with him behind. She knew it was impossible now, but she had always held out some hope in her heart for him. 
But as she apparated away, she could feel her heart break for what could have been. What could have been if she hadn’t been so cold to him eight years ago.
315 notes · View notes
Text
IN LIFE, IN DEATH...
PART FOUR
Pt1, Pt2, Pt3
Warnings: fighting with parents and some swearing
Tumblr media
---
The bright sunlight hit your eyes and you squinted a little as your feet hit the driveway.
Julie’s song was still playing through your head, and so was your conversation with her last night. The passion in her voice when she sang was the same as when she talked about her mom.
You wanted to run in and comfort her somehow, but Luke seemed insistent on staying outside, making Alex grumble next to you.
“Dude, why did you stop me? Julie needs a hug.”
“A ghost hug is not the feel-good moment you think it is. Trust me.” Luke said. What Julie needs is some privacy.”
“I think you poofed us out because you can’t handle when other people cry.” Alex waved his finger in Luke’s face, making you frown at his words.
It wasn’t a secret that Luke wasn’t the best with feelings, but he had always been there for you. Last night in the darkroom, and again at the diner, and countless other times.
“I should know,” Alex continued, gesturing between Luke and Reggie. “I cried in a room for 25 years, and I didn’t get a single hug from either of you.”
Reggie sighed, opening his arms. “Bring it in.”
“Don’t touch me!”
“This is why no one but (Y/n) hugs you.” Reggie mumbled as you rubbed Alex’s arm.
“Okay.” Luke interrupted. “So, once we get the courage to go in there, we should ask Julie why she lied about playing the piano.”
Alex shrugged. “And maybe tell her how amazing she is?”
You nodded and Reggie exclaimed. “She’s legit! I got ghost-bumps.”
Just then, the gate leading to the house swung open and a girl made her way down the pavement. As she got closer, you could hear her sobbing quietly.
“Oh no, was she crying too?” You asked as the girl entered the garage.
“Yes!” Luke shivered. “We definitely can’t go in there.”
“No, but we can listen.” Reggie ran towards the door, standing on his tip-toes to peek through the window.
“Guys! We can’t eavesdrop, that’s creepy!” You whispered, but the boys ignored you and crowded the door.
Seconds later, they all ducked to avoid being seen and you couldn’t help but be curious. So you ran over and squeezed yourself between Luke and Alex.
“I’m not okay!” The other girl shouted. “You got kicked out of music! I’ve been up all night thinking about what I was gonna say, and I might’ve had seven sodas but I need to get this out.”
“Flynn-” Julie started but Flynn shook her head and started ranting.
“Jules, if you leave the music program, we’ll be apart forever. Sure, we’ll see each other in the hallway sometimes but we’ll make new friends.”
“That’s not true.” Julie said.
“You’re right, I won’t make any new friends. The only time we’ll contact each other is by liking each other’s posts on Instagram. Every time I hit that little heart, mine will be breaking because my best friend left me.”
“What’s Instagram?“ Alex whispered to you. You shrugged, making a mental note to ask Julie later.
Julie sighed. “I just played piano and sang again.”
“What? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was trying but then your seven sodas kicked in.” Julie laughed.
Flynn squealed. “I’m so happy for you! Look at you, looking all alive again. What made you play again?”
Julie slid her mom’s song across the piano to show Flynn and you couldn’t help but smile. You obviously hadn’t known Julie for long, but you were so happy that she reconnected with her mom and music.
“I was so scared to play it, cause everything having to do with music reminds me of her. But I woke up this morning, realizing that’s exactly why I should play it. To keep her memory alive.”
“We need to tell Mrs. Harrison that you can play so you can stay in the music program. My girl’s back! Double Trouble lives again.”
“Not our band name.” Julie laughed as the girls started walking out of the garage.
“Shit, she’s coming!” You whispered. “Act natural.”
You and Reggie sank to the floor, Luke leaned on his arm and Alex pretended to inspect the light hanging above you. Julie made eye contact with you and smiled.
“Oh, hey!”
Flynn turned around and watched Julie expectantly. Julie laughed awkwardly and started skipping down the driveway.
“Let’s hustle!” She grabbed Flynn’s arm and started walking up the stairs, waving goodbye.
“We weren’t listening!” Reggie said, earning a pinch on the arm from you and a kick to the ankle from Luke. Julie started swatting the air, trying to play it off like there was a bug, and pushed Flynn up the stairs.
As soon as she was gone, you made your way back into the garage. You sat at the piano bench, mindlessly playing the few chords you knew.
“I wonder why Julie didn’t tell us she could shred on the piano.” Reggie said.
“It probably has something to do with her mom.” You guessed, your fingers gliding across the keys.
“Yeah, that must’ve been hard.” Alex added before climbing up to the loft. “I really feel for her.”
“Yeah, but now she’s got music back in her life. Just like us.” Luke said, reaching over and hitting the note next to your finger.
“Yeah, I’m not sure you can call what we have a life.” Alex said and you snorted. “Hey, I think some of our old clothes are up here.”
He threw down a black trash bag filled with clothes and you sighed in relief. The night you died, you wore a plain pair of jeans, and your favorite old t-shirt of your dad’s. You usually wore one when you played a gig, so that a part of him could be with you in some way and of course; Luke’s jacket.
And as much as you loved your outfit, being in the same clothes for 25 years was not exactly sanitary, even by ghost standards.
“Sweet!” Luke exclaimed, taking off his shirt.
Shit!
You tried as subtly as possible to look away before anyone saw the blush on your cheeks, and you thought you had gotten away with it until Reggie laughed from across the room.
You sent him a glare, but that only made him laugh harder.
Suddenly, the studio doors opened again and Julie’s dad came in. He had a sad look on his face and a camera in his hands. It had ‘Ray Molina’ engraved on the handle so you figured that was his name.
The man walked right through Reggie, making him shudder. “That was weird. But somehow I can tell this man has a kind heart.”
“So, how have you been?” Ray asked, his voice heavy.
“Honestly, not that good.” Reggie said and you rolled your eyes. “See, we ate these hotdogs and-”
“Julie sang for the first time again this morning.” Ray took a picture of the room. “She hasn’t done that in almost a year. You would’ve loved it.”
“Yeah, we heard cause we-.” Reggie wiggled his fingers in front of Ray’s face. “Oh, I get it. He's not talking to us."
"Dude, you are so lucky you play bass." Luke said.
"I think he's talking to Julie's mom." Alex sighed.
Ray started walking towards the piano. "She's such an amazing young woman."
He started running his hands on the keys so you slid off the bench. You knew you definitely shouldn't be listening, this was definitely not something you weren't meant to hear but you couldn't help your curiosity. "Everyday she reminds me more and more of you."
"Called it!" Alex cheered.
Ray shifted the camera between his hands. "I'm taking pictures for the real estate website. I don't really wanna move, but...it's what's best for Julie."
Alex came down from the loft and you all crowded around the piano. Luke stared at Ray with wide eyes. "Move?"
Ray gently played a few notes of a ballad before he spoke again. "There's so many memories out here. Like, Julie sitting next to you and Carlos trying to sing with his missing front teeth."
Luke let out a shaky breath and you realized he was crying. It wasn’t until a tear rolled down your cheek that you realized that you were too. You frantically wiped your eyes, doing your best not to break down.
Ray was exactly what you always pictured your dad used to be like, and his love for Julie was exactly the same kind you knew he would've had for you. Thinking about your dad made you think about your mom, and that made trying to stop crying a whole lot harder.
"Come on guys, not you too." Reggie said.
"It's just...he's talking about moving but the poor guy doesn't wanna move." Luke sniffled.
Ray stood up and took a picture of right where you were all standing. "It's like they grew up out here."
Reggie fanned his face. "Now he's got me too."
Alex scoffed. "Okay, how am I the emotional one?"
"Can we go see my family? See how they're doing?" Reggie asked, his voice shaking a little.
You nodded. “Yeah, listening to this doesn’t feel right.”
Just as you go to leave, Ray laughs. "Remember when the kids were at your sisters and we came out here on our anniversary..."
"Yeah, no! " Luke cringed. "Definitely wrong.”
-
The beach was where you spent a lot of your free time when you were alive.
Usually after a long day when you just needed a place to work on new lyrics in peace. But sometimes after playing all day at the pier, the boys would drag you down to the water and you would all stay there as long as possible. Away from parents and responsibilities.
But just like everything else, it had changed so much.
"A bike shack," Reggie sighed. "Right where my house used to be."
"I'm sorry, Reg." You rested your head on Reggie’s shoulder.
"Why couldn't they at least have turned it into something cool like a pizzeria or something?"
"They tore down the whole neighborhood." Alex said.
"I guess my folks are gone."
Alex kicked his foot into the sand. "Everyone's gone. Twenty-five years, gone. Friends, family, Bobby, everyone."
That was another person you hadn't wanted to let yourself think about. Even though you and Bobby weren't super close, he was still a part of Sunset Curve. He could be a little bit of an asshole sometimes but he was still your friend.
"Bobby, that's right." Reggie said. "Guess that vegetarian lucked out. Wonder what happened to him?"
"He probably just got old like everyone else and moved on." Luke grumbled.
"Dude, how are you so chill about all of this?”
“Yeah, don’t you want to figure out what happened?” You asked.
“Let’s be real for a second.” Luke exhaled, clearly getting worked up. “It’s not like any of us were close to our families. My parents always regretted buying me that guitar. Reggie, your parents were literally a fight away from divorce.” 
Luke ran a hand through his hair as he ranted, talking with his hands the way he always did when he was upset. “Alex, I- Your parents were never cool again after you told them you were gay.”
His eyes landed on you and he seemed to ease up a little. “(Y/n), you practically raised yourself since your mom was gone all the time.”
“Yeah, okay.” You said. “None of us had it great.”
“But at least we had something! What do we have now?” Alex shouted. “And before you say cool teleportation, I’m not cool with that either. It tingles. In weird places.”
Luke sprang to his feet. “I’ll tell you what he had. It’s what we’ve had since the day we came together. Guys, we have us. We’re the only family we’re ever gonna need. You wanna know what else we got?”
“I’m gonna guess death breath?” Reggie said.
“Our music, you dork.” Luke laughed. “People can hear us play again! They can’t see us, whatever, but they can feel us. I wish I had my guitar.”
Suddenly, the air around you made a sharp ‘whoosh’ sound and Luke’s six-string appeared in his hands.
“Whoa.” You said.
“How did you do that?” Reggie asked.
“I-I don’t know. I mean I wished for it and then...” Luke played a few chords and beamed.
Reggie jumped in place with his arms open, trying to wish for random things before he eventually gave up and slumped into the sand.
“I think I know what will cheer you up.” Luke said. He played the opening of ‘This Band Is Back’ and you couldn’t help but smile. Out of all the Sunset Curve songs, this was one of your favorites.
“Come on, Reginald.” Alex said as he started hitting his legs and chest to make a beat.
You offered Reggie your hand and pulled him up as Luke started the countdown. Reggie took it and twirled you around, effectively getting sand in your shoes. You laughed and spun him around before dragging him up to the tables in front of the restaurants as he sang.
The people around you seemed confused by the sudden music, but they danced around anyway. You forgot how much you loved seeing people react to your music. Watching them dance and smile made all your worries float away, even if it was just for now.
And for the first time since the Orpheum,
It really did feel like the band was back.
Tumblr media
August 1994
It was just after sunset when you called the Patterson house.
The sound of your mom slamming the front door was still fresh in your mind and before you could stop yourself, your fingers were flying across the buttons. Luke was the only person who knew about your relationship with your mom. 
You didn’t want to worry Cece, or Alex, or anyone else. But hiding things from Luke wasn’t easy, especially with how stubborn he was. So you told him everything, and he told you,
‘Call me next time, okay?’
The line only rang twice before someone picked up. “Hello?” 
It was Emily, Luke’s mom.
You took a deep breath, trying to keep from crying. “Hi, Mrs. Patterson.”
Emily laughed and you could practically hear her roll her eyes fondly. “(Y/n), sweetie, what did I tell you about calling me that?”
Even though you and Luke had been friends most of your lives, you had only met Emily a handful of times. Luke didn’t really like hanging out at his house, especially when he started fighting with them regularly. Still, Emily always treated you like her own kid whenever you were around.
“Sorry, Emily.” You said. “Is Luke around?”
You heard some shuffling as she called out for him and after a few minutes, Luke picked up the phone. “Hey.”
“Hi, are you busy?” 
“No, why?” He asked.
“Well, I made enough cookies to feed a small country and my mom’s gonna be gone for the night so I thought we could hang out.” You rambled. “Maybe finish ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark?”
Luke laughed excitedly. “Yeah, sure! Give me like 20 minutes.”
Luke’s laugh was so infectious that you had to fight through a giggle. “Okay, see you soon.”
As you went to hang up, you hear Emily’s voice again. She was teasing Luke about something but all you caught was the word ‘Girlfriend’, making you turn bright red.
You put the phone back on the hook just as the oven beeped to signal that it was ready to bake the cookies. You put them in the oven and turned your attention to the huge bowl of cake batter in front of you. At this point, there wasn’t anything left in the kitchen you hadn’t baked.
There was no way you would be able to eat all of it, even with Luke’s help. But you needed something to distract yourself to keep your mind from overloading.
True to his word, Luke arrived twenty minutes later, bursting through your front door and screaming the Indiana Jones theme song at the top of his lungs. He skipped his way into the kitchen, immediately sensing something was wrong when you didn’t join him or even acknowledge his presence. 
“(Y/n)?” Luke approached you slowly.
“Hey.” You tried to sound as casual as possible, not looking up from the bowl. “So, you ready to finally finish this movie?”
Luke didn’t say anything as he scanned the kitchen. There were piles of cookies and cooking utensils all over the counter, and you had flour in your hair. You could see the realization flash across his face through your eyelashes.
“Okay, you’re baking everything in the house, which can only mean one of two things,” Luke said, his voice becoming more serious as he jumped up on the counter. “You either watched Sixteen Candles unsupervised again or…”
You stayed quiet as you slowly stirred the batter. It was ready to put in the pan ten minutes ago but you needed something to do to distract yourself.
Luke’s hand gently gripped yours before taking the spoon from you and letting it fall into the bowl. You looked up at him to find him already staring at you with a furrowed brow.
Damn it.
You should’ve known he would see through your thinly veiled excuses and promise of cookies. Luke was more observant than people gave him credit for.
“C’mere,” Luke said, opening his arms. You moved between his legs and buried your head in his chest, covering his shirt in tears, flour, and batter. But he didn’t seem to mind as he rubbed circles into your arm with one hand while the other cradled your head.
“She hates me.” You said through a deep, shuddering breath.
“She doesn’t hate you,” Luke reasoned. “It’s impossible for anyone to hate you.”
One of the things you loved about Luke was his protective streak when it came to his friends, and the way that no matter what, he could only see the best in them.
And as his best friend, you were pretty much perfect in his eyes. Which meant that when you didn't immediately agree, Luke launched into a rant.
"First of all, you're like the smartest person in the world. You manage to get good grades while also working at the diner three days a week which is nuts.
Secondly, your voice is insane! And your lyrics, (Y/n), we wouldn't even have half the Sunset Curve songs without your killer songwriting skills!"
"You done, Lu?" You joked as you pulled away just enough to look up at him, trying not to blush. No matter how hard you tried to play it cool when he complimented you, it always made you melt inside.
"I'm just saying," Luke laughed softly. “You are literally the best person I know, Squeaks.”
You let out a watery laugh at the mention of your childhood nickname. It was one that Luke had given to you in 4th grade after he put a bug on your arm and you had squeaked in fear.
“And just think,” Luke whispered, his voice sounding a little wistful. “One day, we’ll get signed to a label and end up somewhere far away from here.”
“We barely started making our demo.” You said, making Luke scrunch his nose in the way that always made you giggle. "Don't you think you're getting a little ahead of yourself?"
“Nope.” He smirked. “Okay, I gotta ask, were you planning on baking this or is this a new look you’re going for? ‘Cause I gotta be honest, it’s not your best.” Luke said teasingly as he swiped some batter from your cheek.
“Oh, really?” You asked, dipping your finger in the bowl and smearing the batter across Luke’s face, making him gasp. Then you took a slight step back and hummed thoughtfully. “Definitely looks better on me.”
“You know what?” Luke scoffed, trying to hold back a smile and before you could blink, he reached into the bowl and flung the spoon at you, splattering your shirt. “I think you’re right.”
“Jerk!” You laughed, wiping off your shirt as Luke tried to lick the batter off his chin but he only managed to make an ever bigger mess.
“Did I get it?” He asked, making you giggle.
“Not quite.” You reached forward and carefully wiped it off, desperately trying to focus on anything other than how close your faces were. But it was impossible when you could feel Luke’s breath on the tip of your nose. “There.”
Luke’s face was unreadable as he looked down at you. The playfulness had evaporated in the air and was replaced with something else that you couldn’t really read either. Just when you thought the moment would last forever, the timer for the second batch of cookies rang through the kitchen, and you practically bolted to the oven.
You pulled them out and put them on a plate. “So, you know that we have to watch Sixteen Candles now, right?”
Luke groaned, pretending to be annoyed. Even though he would never admit it, you knew he secretly loved romance movies. “Fine, but Raiders of the Lost Ark after?”
“Deal.”
As Luke went into the living room to start the movie, you sighed to yourself. Maybe you would never have a normal relationship with your mom.
But you had your band, your friends, and even if it wasn’t exactly in the way you wanted; 
You had Luke.
-
In Life, In Death Taglist:
@ifilwtmfc @instabull @wanniiieeee @tenaciousperfectionunknown @nxacomposts @merceret @itismeasmolpotato @lilostif16
JATP Taglist:
@caitsymichelle13
Let me know if you wanted to be added!
145 notes · View notes
hannya-writes · 4 years ago
Text
Your Kind
Title: Your kind
Fandom: Teen Wolf
Pairing: Derek Hale x Reader, Peter Hale x Vampire!reader?
Other Characters: Kate Argent (mentioned), Laura Hale, Cora Hale and Talia Hale (Mentioned)
Category: friendship, platonic love.
Warning: Reader is a Vampire! Young Derek, and Young Peter because that's dangerous! This all happened after Paige's Dead. Violence, hypnotism or mind control (not sure but hey!) Peter being wild, I guess this is kind of sad.
Author's note: I didn't wanted to use the common powers of vampires because cliche! And I ended up with a mix of a striga, a bat and kind of werewolf powers, If I write a part 2, maybe I'll explain what's up with my version of vampires. And no! Vampire reader is not killing anyone... Yet. Also gifs are not mine, I found them on google!
• • •
Tumblr media Tumblr media
In the moment you had stepped in Beacon Hills you had know that you shouldn't stay there for a long time. You weren't welcome. There was a Werewolf pack in town and werewolves didn't like your type. Maybe because of legends, since they told that your races were supposed to be enemies. Maybe because of a bad experience with someone of your race, maybe because it was engrained in their DNA. You didn't know. You never asked.
You just stayed as far away of the Hale family as possible. It was a problem that you got stuck in classes with no one else but Derek Hale. A teenager that had smell death and blood on you. He was cautious and curious about you, sneaking on you, expecting you to blow your cover. But you didn't. You had smelled him too, he smelled like a wolf, a mix of the animal itself and the smell of forest that came with them and made normal people get scared: the smell of the unknown, of danger.
You played it cool. You were a good student, middly attractive, you spoke when others spoke to you, you were kind and relaxed, you even helped some students in what was possible. When some students decided to pick on you, you didn't reacted. Never lost the patience that had been taught to you.
Then, there was Kate. Kate loved to pick on you, mock you, call you "the new library mouse". It was her insistance on you that had made Derek pay more attention to you. He smelled your murderous instinct every time Kate was close. An truth be told, he was amazed by your self-control.
After being put in a science work with him, you finally got the chance to know each other. You two had speak to each other like civilized human beings. You had joked together, you even became friends.
He wanted, no. He needed to know. He deserved to know, you were his friend now, he wanted to tell you what he was and needed to know more about you.
— Y/n, what are you? — he directly asked you one evening after the end of school, you were the last two people in the library, the question made you uneasy. If he discovered you, his family would kill you.
— excuse me? — was your simple answer, play dumb was your way out. Your parents have told you to do that, and act as a victim if necesary.
— you are not human, I can smell you — he confronted you walking in your direction.
— I'm a human, duh — you rolled your eyes faking amusement — Smell me? — you added with a perfect tone of confusion you had rehersed — do I smell good? — that last question was pure curiousness, you had recognized every part of his scent, you knew what every change in it mean so... Had he, maybe, done the same? Was it disgusting to him because of what you were?
— what? — he was surprised by your last words and you wished earth could swallow you whole, maybe your head first since you were blushing.
— there you are, I've been look for you — just in time, Peter Hale entered the library. And if Derek smelled of danger, Peter reak of wildness and blood. That was the first time you met, and unlike Derek, Peter took the opportunity to attack like the animal he was. Probably because he knew what you were.
Peter snarled at you, showing his fangs and blue glowing eyes, his fingernails turned to claws and suddenly the whole library smelled like wolf. His transformation triggered yours, he was challenging you in the little space that was yours. So, yes. You turned, but unlike him your fingers turned longer, your fingernails became long white claws. Your skin became paler, to the point of looking like a corpse. Your usually y/e/c eyes became red like those of an Alpha werewolf but unlike them your sclera turned black. Your 4 fangs grew in an instant and a high pitch sound inaudible for humans came out of your throat.
Derek covered his ears in pain at the sound that came from you. He couldn't believe his eyes, a wave of fear made him step away from you and Peter, his instinct told him to either fight by peter side or runaway. However his body wasn't able to move.
In a complete opposite reaction Peter jumped over you, hands extended, face contorted in an angry, animalistic expression. You saw him get closer but you didn't back off, you took a stride and with your longer hands throwed him away towards one of the book shelves. He didn't expected it, he had never fought a being like you.
— Leave — you warned him standing over him, but he wasn't afraid, he was angry. He jumped to his feet and charged again at you. You stepped away from his path, making him more furious. You were faster, you got more range with your claws. He was going to loose. That's why werewolves attacked your kind in packs. They trusted in their numbers, the organization. A lonely wolf, was a dead wolf.
Peter roared at you as he once again attacked. You knew what to do to kill him, one single slash of your claws and his lower jaw would be flying in the air. He would bleed out. You could almost see it.
However, instead of killing the menace you used one of the tricks the werewolves hated the most.
— calm down — you said in a soft voice keeping the eye contact and all of his attention on you— I'm not your enemy — you got closer to the werewolf, your hand lightly touched his face.
Peter would never be able of describe the sensation that over took him at your words, it had been as if suddenly he was in heaven, and the person speaking was an angel, better! a Goddess! He loved you, he would do everything in his hands to just hear you a little more. He will kill for you, he'll ask you to order him to kill in your name. Just for that sensation of fullness, happiness. You weren't his enemy, how could you? You were everything he wanted and more.
Your scent, your voice, your light touch, even your face had Peter hypnotized. You fully wrapped the violent werewolf with your presence, and he looked at you with big warm eyes. Even you hated using that trick. It was an induced state of bliss that made people easy to manipulate.
— everything is fine — Derek heard you said softly almost in a loving way, that made him feeling somehow nervous. He knew there was something wrong and he had to do something.
— who are you? — Peter asked in a soft tone that made you feel guilty of using your power over him. You took a breathe to aswer and then froze as you felt claws against the soft skin of your neck.
Peter saw the menace, felt your hand leave his face and fury rose from his chest, he growled warning Derek. He was aware of Derek speaking to you but the words didn't make sense why was Derek telling his goddess to let him go?
— Derek, please wait — hear you say his name made him see red. You had say Derek's name but not his? How could you? How dare Derek try to take you away?
Horrified you saw the werewolf extend his hand to attack Derek, you felt Derek's claws cutting your neck as you moved to avoid that the other werewolf claws hurt Derek. You had pushed Derek to your right. As you felt the spell over Peter was broken. Blood spilled from your wound, the strong taste of iron hit your tongue as you fought to breathe. But you couldn't, not with your throat slashed, not even when you tried to stop the bleeding with your hands.
Peter saw you confused, he didn't know if he had done that. He wanted to think that he had cut your throat, but he couldn't believe it.
— no, no Y/n — Derek spoke with panic as he crawled to you horrified by what he had done. He had kill you. It was like Paige all over again. His hands pressed over your hands trying to stop the bleeding.
— that won't kill her, she is a vampire — Peter said coldly, his eyes greedily watched how you struggled, how your red eyes slowly smother. He was amazed but disappointed, you a mythical creatures, a vampire non the less were dying like a common human being. You weren't as powerful as he expected. Why weren't you healing?
— I'm sorry — derek muttered ashamed, and Peter noticed that his own hands weren't tainted with blood. Derek hands were stained in red.
— no — peter voice was filled with hate, that vampire was his prey. That little vampire was his. You were his. Derek wasn't going to be your killer. His body moved and pushed Derek away from you with a kick, his hands took yours with the intent of taking them away from your wound, but he stopped. A sensation of coldness overtook him, his eyes slowly closed with a sudden desire to sleep.
On your end, the moment his hands touched you it felt like fire, the blood stopped flowing and the wound closed in a matter of seconds. You coughed a blood and the werewolf felt by your side asleep. The tears felt from your eyes freely and after a moment you hugged yourself to get a hold of your panic. The sound of someone else crying made you sit and look at Derek sniffing, with tears in his cheeks.
— D, D... Derek? — you called him out with a gruff voice, thanks to your recently healed vocal chords. — Der, der, derek — you repeated afraid of him being hurt, the worry made you stand up and walk towards him. — did he hurt you? Derek, are you ok? —
Derek looked at you with surprise and relieve, in his face the path of tears was pretty obvious.
— y/n, you are a vampire — he wasn't asking, of course not! the other werewolf had said it as you were almost dying.
— and you a werewolf — was the only thing that crossed your mind as you saw him.
— did you... Kill my uncle? — somehow Derek didn't sound worried, you denied with your head.
— Vampires... Can heal with the help of a werewolf — you said looking down, ashamed.
— but I, I... I tried to help you and.. — He was clearly confused and you sighed, feeling the need to explain yourself
— I charmed him, that makes a bond like the one of a master and a servant. You are not my servant... You can't heal me — you hated that stupid explanation but it was the truth.
Vampires had slaved werewolves to be closer to immortality. But not all of you did that. You had never had to charm someone, it could make people go crazy. It made a big unbalance in nature, made you get closer to the beast inside.
— I don't think Uncle Peter wanted to heal you — the comment made you giggle, but it soon died out.
— I know — you looked at Derek eyes for a moment — I won't charm you Derek, you are the closer to a friend I have and I have only speak to you for like... Two weeks — you smiled with sadness, knowing that this was a goodbye — but I have to go and your uncle has to forget about me —
— you are leaving? — he asked worried and a bit angry after all he had just found out what kind of creature you were — why? —
— Derek, your family is going to kill me if they discover that I charmed your uncle — you admitted scratching your neck nervously.
— My mom wouldn't... — Derek was trying to convince you, he made you feel bad, made you want to stay.
— she's going to do it — you stood up and went to his uncle, placidly asleep, Derek followed you. — I'm a problem to solve, a burden to destroy — you kneeled by Peter's side and reached to the back of his neck with a hand.
— no, you are not — he stated as serious as a heart stroke. — you are my friend — that made you smile.
— remember that if I make your uncle become a psycho — was the last thing you said before sinking your claws in Peter.
— maybe he already is one — he joked and the funny thing: that was the last thing he remembered of that day. He couldn't remember saying goodbye to you or how he got home. His memories started again with him being home, Laura and Cora were laughing and his mother got closer with a smile and a question: "Everything ok? You seem distracted"
And he had lied to her.
• • •
So, are you Team Peter or Team Derek?
172 notes · View notes
everythingsinred · 3 years ago
Text
Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 22)
Today we'll talk about the Time-Travel Arc. Obviously, the focus in that arc is Yuka's past, so there's going to be a lot of content that I'll skip unless it's relevant to NatsuMikan. What ship/character content there is I will dissect heavily. This is just a warning that I'll be skipping even five or so chapters at time, and it might seem jarring. Sorry about that.
In this part, we'll see how Natsume and Mikan are in many ways fated, but also how selfless Natsume can be, even in the face of losing the person he loves the most forever. He's going to keep his promise to protect her no matter what happens, even if it means never seeing her again.
Tumblr media
Chapter One Hundred and Seven
For most of this arc, Natsume and the others are merely observers of Yuka’s past. They keep the talking and interaction to a minimum. There will be some instances where Natsume does enough for me to be able to analyze him, but they’re limited to start with.
For example, when Tsubasa, Tono, and Nobara are finally able to join them, there’s a dramatic reunion.
Nobody has seen Tsubasa in some time, and his whereabouts were a mystery. Obviously he shares a meaningful embrace with Mikan, but he also makes eye contact with Natsume, who looks shocked and relieved to see him again, even if he wasn’t the one to find him. Tsubasa knows Natsume had searched tirelessly for him, so he apologizes for making Natsume and the others worry. For a moment, it almost seems as though maybe they will share the next reunion hug. But to show that everything truly is back to normal, Natsume’s demeanor shifts and he gets annoyed with Tsubasa for hugging Mikan for so long.
Tumblr media
Thinking really hard about Natsume's love languages: nicknames, being willing to die for you one second and then pretending like you're a nuisance the next, never giving compliments so they hit like a brick when he does, just hanging around you, and physical touch.
Natsume doesn’t know how to show feelings properly. With Ruka, he can be more openly affectionate and loving, and now with Mikan he has recently (today) had the opportunity to be more honest about his feelings, but Tsubasa is different. For a very long time, he has pretended like Tsubasa was nothing more than a nuisance. Suddenly being honest with everyone would be tiresome. Besides, Tsubasa already knows that Natsume cares, since he struggled so much to find him.
If you want to hug somebody, Natsume says (or doesn’t say… this conversation seems to all be telepathic), go hug Misaki. Not my girl. It hardly matters that Misaki isn’t around and that idea is impossible to make a reality. So Tsubasa naturally shoots back that he will simply pretend Mikan is Misaki.
Natsume is a good person, as we have seen over the course of the manga. When he loves someone, he loves hard and with his whole chest. He doesn’t half-ass his feelings. Despite his occasional bouts into saying something kind and heartfelt, he is and always has been naturally a bit more reserved. His personality is one to withhold a little, and to interact with people through teases. Even at his most free, before he came to the academy, he would tease and insult before saying something sweet. His love will always be something that needs to be interpreted, because he hates being open about why he’s doing the selfless things he is. If he is too open, then people will know and then they might feel guilty or like they owe him something. He doesn’t want that. Another thing is that he just likes having fun with his friends and loved ones this way, with occasional taunts and teases. That’s just the kind of person he is.
Chapter One Hundred and Nine
We get introduced to Igarashi Kaoru, an upperclassman of Yuka’s and a mysterious figure. Yuka first met her in a compromising position, when she’s about to sleep with a boy who we will later find out is Natsume’s father. She looks very much like a more grown up, female version of Natsume, and they seem to have a lot in common when it comes to their basic personality.
Just like Natsume, Kaoru can be serious-minded and doesn’t take any shit. She’s also like him in that she shows affection through teasing.
Mikan, in this chapter, finally asks who this Igarashi person is, since she looks so familiar. Natsume sarcastically says, “Heaven knows.” I’m sure he wasn’t actually expecting to see his mother in these flashbacks. She died when she was very young and as a result she didn’t have the opportunity to talk much about Yuka. It must be a surprise to see that she played such an active role in Mikan’s mother’s life.
Tumblr media
Heaven knows. Get it. 'Cause she's dead. Hahahaha.
To everyone else, it’s obvious that the Igarashi person is related to Natsume. Ruka might even directly recognize her from the painting he saw at the Hyuuga house that one time, but either way they look and act so similarly that it’s apparent to everyone but Mikan.
In any case, Natsume is seeing more of his mother than he ever has before. He knows very little about her, since she died when he was so small. He couldn’t have many conversations with her and he spent more time mourning and missing her than actually being with her. Not only is Mikan getting the chance to know the mother that was a mystery to her for her whole life, but Natsume is too. This is also his chance to discover his mother and get to know her, and it’s just his luck that Yuka and Kaoru actually had a strong bond.
After Kaoru intimidates Yuka at the Hana Hime den, Mikan and the gang react to the shocking scene. Kaoru is a force to reckon with, and Noda comments on how this force and tough love helped Yuka find strength in herself and confidence in her own alice.
Ruka insists on knowing more about Kaoru, and since everyone but Mikan seems to get that Kaoru is Natsume’s mother, we can see that Ruka is asking for Natsume. Natsume won’t ask. This is about Yuka, after all, and about Mikan. Natsume will see what he will of his mother insofar as she’s in Yuka’s life. Beyond that, he won’t ask for anything. Ruka knows this, so he asks instead. He wants to know about Natsume too, and what better way than to learn about the woman who seems to have so much in common with him? Natsume is touched that Ruka would go out of his way to ask a question Natsume will not ask.
Noda answers that Kaoru and Yuka will become best friends after this, and Mikan is shocked. How could someone so scary be Yuka’s best friend? But Noda explains: Kaoru has a compassionate and caring heart behind her cold front, just like Natsume, and Yuka could rely on her, even in her darkest moments. Yuka wouldn’t have gained confidence in her alice the way she did without Kaoru by her side.
Tumblr media
That is a really fucking long red string!
And then Noda says it so even Mikan can tell now, that Natsume’s mother has always been beloved and a truly amazing person.
Chapter One Hundred and Ten
Noda further explains about Kaoru. She used her alice to spy on the academy for the HSP, and then after she graduated she continued to use her alice to expose corruption. She was deeply committed to doing the right thing and holding the academy responsible, and this commitment was inspiring to Yuka as well, who went down the path she did for the same reasons.
Somehow, their children met at the academy by pure chance, and are standing side by side now.
Tumblr media
Here they are, standing together and in love with each other. Fate is a silly thing.
They are fated somehow. The same red string that tied Kaoru to Yuka now ties Natsume to Mikan. In fact, it’s his love for her that motivated him to go against the academy, more than his own misfortune or the wellbeing of other students or even because it was the right thing to do. The strong bond between their mothers now lingers between them, but differently, and maybe even stronger.
Natsume and Mikan are holding hands, looking at each other. Were they always meant to meet? To be together? Nothing is said out loud, but it’s apparent that they’re both thinking about their moms’ past and what exactly it means for their future.
Tumblr media
Perhaps there's a difference between fated to fall in love and fated to be together.
Chapter One Hundred and Sixteen
Lots of chapters are getting skipped because there simply isn’t enough content, if any, of Natsume, not to mention NatsuMikan specifically.
Izumi is about to die, and everyone knows it as they watch. Mikan has just returned from falling through the time window. She wanted to warn her father, but Tsubasa was able to bring her back without much changing. Natsume immediately goes to Mikan’s side when she is safely returned and doesn’t leave. He holds her hand because what she’s about to witness will be deeply traumatizing and he knows that she will suffer all the more because she wasn’t able to stop it.
Everything happens as it is meant to, perhaps. Izumi is dying from Rei’s alice, since his own nullification can’t fight against Rei when he uses so much power at once.
Tumblr media
I don't have anything clever to say here. He just loves her so much.
Mikan is distraught, and although Natsume first just tries to keep her from approaching the window again, once he sees her crying, despairing face, he shifts. All he’s ever wanted to do was keep her happy, keep her from sinking into even a fraction of the darkness he’s had to live in. It hasn’t always been easy, because Mikan was also destined to suffer, just like him.
Everyone else is pleading with Noda to get them out of the hole, to stop the flashbacks, but Noda can’t. The window is too turbulent and any moves on his part might be dangerous.
Tumblr media
Protecting her no matter what doesn't only mean protecting her from physical harm, it means protecting her from seeing horrible things that she shouldn't have to see, like the death of her father.
So Natsume holds Mikan close. It is the only thing he can do, to tell her not to look and to hug her. She doesn’t need to see anymore. Natsume doesn’t just want to protect her physical safety but her mental and emotional well-being as well. He fell in love with a girl who always looks on the bright side, who is so optimistic and kind that her cheerfulness bleeds into everyone else. From the start, he was concerned that if her life darkened, her own light would fade and become tarnished.
But Natsume doesn’t need her to always smile. He just wants to protect her the best he can. If she needs to cry, then she can cry on him. He will hold her and support her and comfort her. She can’t always be happy, but all he’s ever wanted was to be there for her when she can’t be. When she needs to crumble a little, he will be there for her, because she would do the same. She comforted him too, even if she never knew she was doing it. It's not about having her be happy all the time, just minimizing the trauma. He can't protect her from all of it. Everything else is more powerful than he is. He can't keep her ignorant and blissful forever. Nobody can. But if they can't escape the flashback, then he will keep her from looking.
He can do this openly now, so he does. He wants her to know that she can rely on him and seek comfort from him. No matter what happens, he will be there for her.
So as Izumi dies, Natsume and Mikan aren’t looking. She doesn’t need to see. He keeps his focus on her, to support her, because she has to process a deeply traumatic event in a very short time. After all, the flashbacks are still going. Time didn’t stop for Yuka, and it won’t stop for Mikan.
Tumblr media
Natsume’s shirt is probably soaked with tears. Not that he cares.
He holds her, not just through Izumi’s death, but for most of the aftermath. He stays, holding her, for as long as she needs him to. He will only let go when she’s okay to stand again. He ends up holding her for a couple chapters, and even when they stop hugging he still holds her up. He'd hold her for hours if she needed it.
Conclusion
Natsume and Mikan learned that their mothers were besties and are now struck with the knowledge that by pure chance they managed to meet and become as close as they did. Natsume confessed to the whole DA class (including Mikan) that he loves her in the last part, and he's done nothing but prove it over and over again.
We'll wrap up what is left of NatsuMikan in the Time-Travel Arc next week on Monday. His low self-esteem, selflessness, and all-consuming love will all take center stage in the next few entries.
Thank you all so much for reading so far. I hope you have a lovely day!
<- Previous Next ->
33 notes · View notes
lovelivingmydreams · 4 years ago
Text
Paper Flowers: Everyone falls
But it’s getting up that matters.
People try their best. And sometimes that isn’t enough. But that doesn’t mean one should give up. This week Thomas had a bad night and tensions rose high. Join me in the morning after.
And with the fanders a little pick me up was just what the doctor ordered.
Tumblr media
As usual Virgil woke up to Princey singing at the top of his lungs.
This morning's opening number was 'how far I'll go,' from Moana.
Virgil sighed. Today was going to be a long day. He'd expected as much. After yesterday...
Thomas had gone out with Joan to a party. There'd been a really cute guy. It had been fun and he was charming, a fellow actor even. Things were going so well... until, somehow, they had started talking about social media... YouTube and vine among them. This guy did not like the creator community. And he was very vocal about it. Something about attention seeking talentless idiots giving theater a bad name.
Luckily they made a clean getaway. Roman had played it off last night until he knocked at Virgil's backdoor.
Virgil hadn't needed an explanation. He'd gathered his first aid kit and came into the meadow to tend to Roman's injuries. Roman hadn't wanted to talk last night, so Virgil hadn't pushed him. Hadn't even made him promise to go to Patton if he wasn't feeling better in the morning. Roman usually didn't mind letting Patton look after him, but something told Virgil that he'd come to him for a reason.
He looked at himself in the mirror. "Let's get this over with."
He made his way downstairs for breakfast. He was the first to arrive. Aside from Patton that is.
"Virgil! You're up!" Clearly seeing Virgil was not what Patton expected first thing in the morning.
"Didn't have any other choice with Princey belting Moana in the next room," he grumbled.
Patton visibly relaxed at that. "Roman's singing... good. That's good."
Virgil was pretty sure he was the only one who ever heard Roman sing in his room. He didn't know if it was his heightened senses or something else, but no one ever seemed to complain about it. He'd never confronted Princey with it. First because he was sure Roman would sing even louder the next morning out of spite, and now because he kind of liked hearing a friendly voice first thing in the morning.
Virgil huffed and mumbled something about a bad night as he made himself a cup of chamomile, he needed to calm himself down. He did not like being here this early. Patton was too chipper in general and there was no one to distract him now.
"How did you sleep anxiety?" There it was.
The question, which normally came so easily when directed at anyone else was loaded with tension.
Virgil decided to stick with a shrug. Hoping that would be enough to let Patton feel like he'd met his quota of showing interest in him today. The answer was complicated. He'd been exhausted by the time he was done panicking last night. Especially since he'd tried not to show Princey too much of his worries while patching him up. He was having a rough enough time.
So once he did fall asleep he slept like the dead so to speak. It just took ages to get there.
Once his cup was in his hand he stalked to his seat he got some cereal and started eating. He could feel Patton struggle with something.
"I can practically hear you thinking. If you have something to say, just say it," he huffed, not looking up.
He heard a deep intake of breath.
"You were a bit too hard on Thomas last night."
Of course. Well at least he wasn't tiptoeing around him anymore. Before Patton dragged him to dinner that first time he would be so extremely careful when telling him to soften up. Like he was going to attack him if he said the wrong thing.
"We've established that I do what I do and don't care if you like it or not. Thomas needed to consider these things. You might've wanted him to forget that conversation ever happened but that isn't how real life works," he stated. Thomas had to be aware people thought those things to not get as hurt by meeting someone like that again. Pretending that if was a fluke and didn't matter was not right.
"Good morning Patton... Anxiety. Unusual to see you at the breakfast table,” Logan greeted calmly as he, made his way to the tea kettle. Virgil jumped at the chance to change the topic.
"Am I seriously the only one who heard Princey perform for his teddy bears this morning or what?" Virgil groaned. Logan cocked his head curiously. "Interesting... do you often hear things we do in private?" What? Where did that come from?
"I'm not eavesdropping! I literally woke up from the noise!" he seethed. He knew they didn't like him but did they have to assume everything he said or did had malicious intent?
Logan simply finished making his tea and toast before sitting down.
"Apologies that was perhaps not properly phrased. I just meant to ask if this was a first time or if your hearing simply automatically bypasses the barriers between the rooms all the time."
Oh, Virgil relaxed at that. Log
 Oh. Virgil relaxed a little embarrassed he made such a big deal over it. Great job anxiety. Just another reason they would never truly accept you as s friend. Not that he was hoping for that. He was fine. He shrugged. "Princey sings every morning. Sometimes I hear typing from your room." Understatement. It sounded like the keys were about to be chattered under Logan's speed and force whenever he heard it.
"And..." Suddenly he changed his mind, this was all probably really private. He was anxiety. He figured he picked up Princey's singing in the morning no matter what mood he was in because part of him was listening for any noises whether in the real world or Thomas' mind. But the rest… that might be them under stress and he shouldn't expose any of them like that without permission. But asking Pat's permission now would prove he cared and it would out the fact that Patton was hiding stuff.  "Just stuff," he shrugged dismissively getting back to his cereal.
Logan did not get the hint. "I see... would you..."
"Can we keep the third degree for some other time? I'm really not in the mood!" he groaned.
And just then the whole reason he was subjecting himself to this came in. With a smile plastered on his face and a grand gesture. "Good...!"
"No!”Vigrgil exclaimed turning to Roman, hiding his face from the others allowing him a chance to check him over. He seemed alright. But just to be safe. “Especially you! Just shut up! I don't want to hear another word this morning! I came down so I wouldn't have to deal with anyone trying to drag me down for family breakfast or whatever. So let's just eat in freaking silence alright!?" He shouted. He wasn't really that upset. But Princey might still not be up for Patton fussing over him. So Virgil hoped that for once Patton being scared of upsetting him came through in a good way.
“If you insist on making noise, hum or something. Just so long as you shut up for once!” And with that Virgil sat back down and started eating.
He could hear Patton ready himself for a reprimand but it didn't come. He assumed either Logan or Roman had stopped him. Roman sat down and hummed ‘Poor unfortunate souls'. A silent acknowledgment of what Virgil had done.
Breakfast was silent, and Virgil made sure to eat slow enough for Roman to be done before him so he could make a clean getaway. Logan finished first and left without a word.
Roman was next and went straight to the field. Virgil was a little happy to feel his key vibrate in an almost melodious rhythm. Roman's way of inviting him to hang out if and when he felt like it.
He finished his tea and got up. Planning to go straight to the meadow and check prince over. But Patton had other plans.
“Anxiety we need to talk.” Quite possibly one of the worst thing to say to literal anxiety, but okay.
“I feel like I made it clear that we were done. I don’t tell you how to do your thing. So you should do me the same favor,” he huffed before starting to walk away.
“Why didn't you answer Logan's question earlier?” The moral side blurted out.
Virgil, paused, he hadn't expected that. He didn't let that ruin his devil may care act though.  “Didn't feel like it,” he shrugged.
“If that was all, I have to go and contemplate the futility of our existence,” he drawled with a salute.
He hadn't even fully turned around yet before Patton spoke again. Rushed as if trying to get it out before he could think about it. “Did you hear?”
Virgil froze. He knew what Patton probably wanted to remain secret above all else. What he might've worried Virgil overheard with his heightened senses.
He'd almost checked in on him last night, but then realized Patton wouldn't want assurance from him of all sides . What could he even say?
Logan was out too, and Roman was in no shape to take on another side’s troubles.
“Depends…” he turned back to face Patton his face still carefully controlled though he allowed himself to be sincere. “Do you like…” Ugh. He was going to kill Roman for hammering on about giving the others a chance. “Want to talk about it, or something?”
Patton looked surprised. He was silent for a moment, like he was actually considering it.
But Virgil could see how uncomfortable Patton was. Of course. Of course he didn't want to talk about it. Not to Anxiety at least. He hated how much that hurt. What did he expect?
“Then I guess I have no clue what you mean,” Virgil continued casually as he disappeared up the stairs. Not even waiting to get through his room before opening a door with his key. It was risky he knew, but he needed to be somewhere no one could bother him.
“Virgil, you came.” No one except Princey. But he was a special case. Virgil smirked at Roman as he walked over to sit beside him. The relief in Roman's voice and face was unmistakable.
“Of course I did idiot. You didn’t think I was actually mad at you right? We've had enough fights for you to know the difference I’d say,” he teased as he leaned back a little to study the clouds.
“Yeah, I just… I would have understood if you really needed a break. I know eating with us can be stressful, and I left you by yourself…” Virgil sighed, knowing what princey was getting at.
“How are you?” he asked instead glancing at the royal by his side. Trying to spot any sign of his injuries bothering him.
Roman sighed and rolled his eyes. “I’m fine. I took of the bandages this morning and they didn’t need replacing. But thank. Not having to pretend everything was perfectly fine this morning… I needed that. How did you know?” Roman wondered, allowing himself to be distracted for a moment.
“You only sing ‘I want’ songs and power ballads first thing in the morning when you are really down. I was honestly relieved it wasn’t ‘Go the distance’ or ‘Defying gravity’. I honestly don’t know what I would’ve done then.” Not letting Princey force himself to put on a show during breakfast for the others was one thing. But making him stay in bed would be tricky to pull off without letting the others in on what he was doing.
“You… Hear me sing… And you know my mood by what songs I pick?”
Roman sounded moved for some reason.
“Yeah, I think it has to do with being on alert in the morning or something. And I can hear you the others in your rooms when you guys are… Anxious I guess. Logan was a nightmare during finals,” he jests.
“And I learned your mood playlist because it was useful to know when to avoid you and when I could push your buttons a little. I just use my knowledge for good now I guess.”
Roman gave him a playful push. “Aw, don’t lie. You were secretly worried about me when I sang my sad Roman Playlists,” he teased.
Virgil just rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”
“Patton didn’t give you a hard time over this did he? Because I can talk to him later and get him to lay off, I can make an excuse…”
Virgil waved him off. “I’d never let you straight up lie to Patton for me Ro. You know that. And. He just… I let it slip that I heard you singing in your room. You know, to make them think all is fine and dandy. And Logan pointed out that we’re not supposed to hear what happens in each other’s rooms and wondered if I overheard stuff more often. I dodged the question and Patton wanted to know why. Wanted to know what I heard from his room.” It wasn’t exactly what was said but Patton was allowed choose who else knew how badly last night had upset him. Plus Roman would feel guilty if he knew. Virgil curled in on himself and stared ahead as he remembered how the conversation had ended.
“I… Tried to offer to listen if there was something he needed to vent about or something.” He averted his gaze, he didn’t want to even catch a glimpse of Roman’s pity. “Didn’t go well. Not that I expected him to open up to me of all sides. But… I don’t know…”
“It hurts none the less,” Roman said empathically. Virgil chanced a glance and was relieved his friend seemed understanding instead of sorry.
He relaxed a little. “Yeah…” he admitted.
He expected Roman to come to Patton’s defense. To explain why the moral side acted that way, and how good his intentions were.
But instead. “I’m proud of you for trying though. I know that wasn’t easy for you.”
Virgil chuckled. “Thanks,” he allowed.
They sat in comfortable silence for a while.
“Wanna do each other’s nails while we brainstorm something fun for Thomas to do to give him a boost?” Virgil suggested casually after a while.
Roman shot up and ran to his room to get his stuff. Virgil couldn’t help but laugh. That was a yes.
 Today was awful. Everything just insisted on going wrong!
You let yourself fall on your bed and pick up your phone hoping to find some kind of escape.
You see a new video from Thomas Sanders. Oh, those are usually funny. Maybe it’ll be a prank or a storytime…
You tap the video and see Thomas pointing at the camera.
“Hey you!” The camera goes up and down and shows the prince smiling at you.
“You gorgeous human being!” he declares grandly. Up and down it goes and the teacher character is looking at you with arms crossed and his head cocked a proud smile on his face.
“You are so smart,” he states with certainty.
This time the camera returns to the dad character his arms close to his chest hands balled in fists near his face, huge goofy grin on his face.
“You are unique!”
And then sleep! Looking like he’s taping in the middle of a party. “Take a nap gurl! You deserve it!”
And lastly the nemesis. He too has his arms folded in front of him but he looks at you with a strange sort of stern yet gentle look.
“You deserve love and respect. No matter what others say,” he tells you seriously.
And damn it. Why did that mean so much!? Maybe just because you kind of needed to hear that right now. Maybe you will have a quick nap.
But not before liking and sharing. Even sending it to a few friends to make them smile.
Next: The little things
56 notes · View notes
barnesandrogersfanfics · 4 years ago
Text
Ocean Eyes - Part 7
Tumblr media
When we finally arrived at Sue's house Chris walked with me to the front door... i nearly tripped at one point but luckily he managed to grab my arm and keep me upright! I had whispered a quiet 'thanks' before knocking lightly on her front door. Sue opened the door ushering us inside and leading the way to the living room where i saw Mason curled up on the sofa. He was asleep but he looked white and sweaty, there was a bowl on the floor beside his head incase he was sick again.
"He hasn't been asleep long, i think he wore himself out crying"
"Chris can you get Mason please? I can't carry him like this...."
"Yeah sure, i got him" he quickly moved forward and scooped Mason up into him arms.
"Mama...." Mason moaned looking around for me.
"Im right here baby, your dads gonna carry you out to the car".
"God you weren't kidding bout that fever" Chris added looking down at Mason in concern.
"Im gonna get him home, thanks for watching him Sue"
"Sure thing hon, hope he feels better soon. Here, take the bowl incase he gets sick on the drive home" she smiled passing me the plastic bowl that had been next to Mason.
Tumblr media
The drive home i had Mason cradled against me as he slept, the seat belt going around the both of us being as we had no car seat in Chris's car!!
God i felt like a crappy mom tonight!
When we got home i sat with Mason on the sofa and stripped him down to his underwear to try and cool him down.
"Chris could you get me a cold washcloth please, there should be some in the pile of laundry on the table"
"Sure" he rushed off to grab the cloth, Mason was just laying against my chest, whimpering slightly.
"Here you go" Chris passed me the cloth and sat beside us "i got him some water too, he should be drinking plenty of fluids"
"Thanks" i smiled before folding the cloth and laying it over Mason's forehead. He moaned at the coldness but soon settled again clinging onto me, it didn't take long until he was asleep. I sighed in relief and carefully moved forward in my seat so i could lay him down.... i was desperate for the bathroom!! Mason stirred and held on tighter, for such a little thing he had a grip on him.
"Can you try taking him i really need to pee!" I looked at Chris with desperate eyes. He chuckled and managed to pry Mason off of me and into his arms.
While i was in the bathroom i wiped off my make up and tied my hair up before getting changed into my pyjama's.... it was gonna be a long night. Once i was done i headed to the kitchen and made coffee, hopefully it would help sober me up a bit more.
"Ah fuck!" I cursed as i sloshed the coffee onto the floor while making my way back to the living room "i made coffee, you might still have some left if you're lucky"
"Thanks" Chris looked up and smiled, i didn't miss the way he looked me up and down either.
"Does he still feel hot? If his temperature doesn't start to go down soon we'll have to try a lukewarm bath maybe give him some Tylenol...."
"Yeah his still hot, but it doesn't seem to be getting worse"
"This is so unlike him, Mason never gets sick. I can literally count on one hand the amount of times his been sick" i shook my head "i'm so close to freaking out right now you have no idea...."
"Calm down sweetheart, he'll be fine"
"Thank you for staying with us, i probably would've been calling my mom in hysterics if you hadn't been here"
"There's no where else id rather be" he said looking down at Mason lovingly.
"Right.... i should probably text Scott let him know we're home" i got up to grab my phone from my purse and started a text to Scott. We had dropped him at his place on the way to collect Mason.
There was a message from Derek on my phone too which i quickly skimmed, he was saying how much he enjoyed meeting me and wanted to know if i wanted to get dinner with him sometime!! I decided i'd reply to him in the morning and put my phone on the table, Mason was the only thing i could deal with right now.
Tumblr media
I applied a fresh cloth to Masons forehead and checked his temperature, slowly but surely it was going down. I sat beside him and Chris on the sofa and sighed in relief.
"Looks like his fever is easing off finally" i said yawning and letting my head fall back against the sofa, we'd been up for hours now keeping watch on Mason.
"Yeah, thank god" Chris mumbled as he carefully tried to move Mason in his arms.
"You want me to take him?"
"No no, i'm good, my arm has fallen asleep is all" he smiled.
"You sure? i don't mind...."
"We're all good".
We sat in silence with the TV on low for some background noise and i couldn't help but look at Chris and how natural he was at being a dad.
"You should get some sleep, you look exhausted" Chris suddenly said interrupting my internal thoughts!
"You trying to tell me i look like shit Chris?" I asked raising my eyebrows at him.
"What?? No!! I didn't mean that..."
"Im fucking with you relax" i chuckled shaking my head.
"You looked beautiful tonight" i heard him say quietly, maybe i wasn't supposed to hear him but i did.
"Its amazing what you can do with some make up and clothes that aren't sweats and t-shirts"
"You look beautiful without make up even wearing your sweats and a t-shirt, i just meant that you looked good. I personally prefer this version of you"
"Haha, now i know your just trying to make me feel better....i'm a mess!"
"Prettiest girl i know" he said giving me that smirk of his.... my god damn weakness!!
"Are you just saying this because you think i'm drunk and wont remember?? Because i'll have you know i have mostly sobered up by this point"
"Im well aware, i just..... never mind. You should try and get some sleep".
I nodded agreeing with him, the conversation was about to turn awkward and i wasn't ready for that!
"Wake me up if Mason needs me...?"
"Of course".
When i woke up again i had somehow ended up cuddled up against Chris! He had his arm around me, my head resting on his chest, Mason still sleeping on his other side. To anyone who saw us and didn't know better we looked like the perfect little family. I felt myself start to panic..... i shouldn't have let myself get this close to him! It was too easy to fall back into that comfortable routine we always had..... but we didn't have that anymore, at least i didn't think we did. I carefully eased away from him making sure he was still sleeping and made a quick exit to the kitchen, he didn't need to know about this!
As i started making some coffee and toast i heard the soft voice of my baby boy. As i stuck my head round the door i saw he was sitting up talking with Chris, he looked so much better this morning thank god.
"Where's mom?" I heard him ask and i stepped into the living room giving him a smile.
"Im right here bud, how you feeling?" I asked as i sat in front of them on the coffee table, i reached over to hold the back of my hand against his forehead "looks like your fever is almost gone"
"Im hungry"
"I bet! But its dry toast for you buddy. You've gotta go easy for a little while.... are you still feeling sick?"
"No, not anymore"
"Okay thats good!".
"Dad are you staying for breakfast?" Mason asked.
"Um...."
"Pleaseeee" Mason begged looking at him with those eyes that were exactly like his dads, Chris looked at me waiting for my say so.
"Its fine with me, if you have time..."
"I do! Yeah of course!" He said quickly nodding his head with a huge smile.
Tumblr media
After we had all eaten Chris took Mason for his bath after Mason insisted he go with his dad. While they were gone i sent a text to Scott with an update and saw a missed call from Hannah, i sat at the kitchen table and quickly called her back.
"Hey! Hows Mace?? My mom said you had to come get him last night"
"Yeah it was eventful, he had a fever and was being sick" i sighed "Chris stayed to help out with Mason... i had had so much to drink Han"
"You let him stay..."
"To help with Mason yeah"
"Hmmm of you say so" she laughed
"Shut up, what happened to you last night, huh?? You disappeared with Troy"
"I know, im sorry but did you see him?? I knew you were okay with Scott. So what about you and Derek?? He seemed very interested"
"He was nice" i nodded "he texted me last night but i haven't had a chance to reply yet"
"But your gonna right??"
"Yeah...."
"Y/N text him back!! That man was gorgeous!!"
"I will"
"Don't make me come round there"
"Oh god Han, your so pushy" i laughed.
"Only because i love you"
"I love you too, i gotta go though i'll speak to you later".
When i walked into the living room Mason was sat on the sofa watching cartoons and Chris was gathering his things.
"Your leaving already?"
"Yeah i've got a meeting at 11:00am..."
"Okay, well thanks for last night"
"Sure, anytime" he smiled "hey, i was wondering if next weekend i could take Mason to meet my mom? She's been asking when she can meet him...."
"Um.... yeah sure"
"You can come too if you want? I know my mom would be happy to see you" he said with a smile.
"Okay" i nodded "it'll just be us though right? I don't want Mason getting overwhelmed with too many new people"
"Yeah of course, maybe Scott too if he finds out you know what his like"
"Thats fine" i nodded with a smile knowing exactly what Scott was like.
"Thank you, i should go.... can i come by later though? Id like to check in on Mason"
"Sure, i'm sure he'd like that"
"I'll see you later then" he smiled before heading over to Mason "bye buddy i gotta go to work for a bit but i'll come see you later"
"Okay, bye dad".
Tumblr media
Everything taglist: @jesseswartzwelder @dumblani @barnesandrogersworld @patzammit @rynabarnesrogers-reading @rainbowkisses31 @rororo06 @supernaturalwintersoldier
Ocean eyes: @supraveng @michelehansel @melissaglenn5 @denisemarieangelina @mrsjeffwittek @mery-be @marvelfansworld @cmalass @capstopavenger @fallenoutofrose @kelbabyblue @biebsmylife95 @loser-alert @traceyaudette @w3lissax @jennmurawski13 @ford66steal @saiyanprincessswanie @christocrave
143 notes · View notes
dindooku · 4 years ago
Text
Tumblr media
rating: E (swearing)
word count: 8,162
You woke to a jolt and the sudden displacement of something beneath you. Before you could catch yourself, you'd fallen harshly to the floor in an agitated heap of confusion and blurred vision.
"Shit, Amy...we have to get up, it's late, we're late--," growled Obi-Wan, who, once you managed to open your eyes to catch onto the commotion soon recognised that he was scrambling around the apartment like a headless chicken. You’d both fallen asleep on the couch from last night, your head resting peacefully on his lap, or at least it was until he’d gotten up so quick he’d thrown you off the sofa in blinded panic. However he was so caught up in whatever he was doing he didn’t even notice you lying grumpily on the floor as he was frantically grabbing things, clothes specifically and chucking them untidily into the duffel bag he'd somehow scraped up in his scurry.  But that's not what caught your attention, it was instead the unsavoury choice of words the ever-polite Obi-Wan Kenobi had decided to use. Like Christmas had come early, you jumped at the opportunity to chastise the man.
"Obi-Wan Kenobi! I beg your pardon?" you say in a mock shock voice from the floor of his apartment, making a dramatic gasp as you sit up and prop yourself up on the sofa. You were a terrible actor, and it showed. Nonetheless, you got your point across.
"Oh don't even start my Dear, you have no ground to stand on!" Obi-Wan reprimands, but not bothering to turn and face you, instead focusing his sole attention on packing his wardrobe, as well as a few extra things for you. You'd not had chance to shop or grab any spare clothes since your arrived so his old Padawan robes would have to do. Once you'd made yourself comfy again, you curled up into the corner of the sofa, tucking your hands under your thighs as you watched the man panic. You don't understand what all the fuss is about, it's not like you had anywhere to be.
"What's the rush?" you ask, he really was visibly irritated, it was obviously something important.
"We are late! We are meant to be boarding in 10 minutes, and I haven't even packed, and neither have you! This is most--," Obi-Wan stammers, nearly tripping over his cloak as he hurriedly shucks it on and over his shoulders. He opens the last drawer to the cupboard on the right and pulls out more robes and another cloak and all but chucks them at you. You don't even have time to react before he's commanding you, kneeling down at the foot of the sofa in front of you and unlacing your boots.
"What do you think you're doing?! Not even gonna buy me a drink before--" you say shocked, but this time your reaction isn't fake. What the fuck does he think he's doing?
"Its’s not that, Amy, we have a mission, were heading to Yerbana to quell the separatist disturbance, I haven't got time to explain now--" he says, pausing as he pulls the second boot off and pats your thighs in a way to get you up, again picking up the clothes he had chucked at you and forcing them into your hands, "just please get changed! We have to leave, now." he finishes. You mumble a grunt of displeasure at the sudden wake-up call but do as you’re told, jogging off to your room to quickly get changed and grab your rucksack. You do a quick pass over to make sure you have everything, but then you realise you still haven't been given your guns back from before the hospital. You're not leaving this planet without them, no way in hell. You shout from your room, "Obi!", your new nickname for him muffled by the spare t-shirt you’d packed on Earth being pulled over your head, your fringe falling into your eyes before you have chance to pin it back. You don't have time to fix it right now, so the messy, unkept ponytail will have to do.
"What?" he shouts back, followed by the metal ding of something falling to the floor.
"Where's my guns?" you shout back.
"What?!" he shouts again, you can hear the frustration building in his tone.
"Where. Are. My. Guns?" you punctuate, practically screaming now.
"I, uh, I had to give them to Cody for inspection, they're not standard issue!" he shouts back. He was obviously lying and he was doing a terrible job as well, which only wound you up more.
"Wha--Why?! They're my guns, I need them! Where are they?!" you're dumbfounded. They're your things, he didn't have the right to take them from you - yes they're guns but surely they had seen a pistol or submachine gun before, they could've given them back to you by now. Plus, the temple was practically surrounded by armed guards, and if Obi-Wan got to carry his lightsaber, why couldn’t you carry your guns?
"Why do you need to know?!" He shouts, and you hear his footsteps closing in on your location.
"I need them!" this mans got some right cheek expecting you to leave this planet without any form of protection.
"We can just give you some of ours! Come on and hurry up!" he finishes by knocking impatiently at your door, and the faint tap of his foot tapping against the floor echoes quietly in your room. You cant help the familiar feeling of anger rising in your chest, but you do your best to quell it as you open the door... aggressively, still in the process of shifting your rucksack onto your back. You grit him an angry look before striding out past him and back over to one of his cupboards. Maybe he'd stashed them away somewhere in his apartment? He’s lied before, who’s to say he hasn’t hidden them from you?
Recognising what you're doing, he grabs you by the arm and begins to pull you over to the door. Now, you would've protested like you did the day before, but as soon as that memory of the aftermath hit you, you knew better than that, you'd never react like that again, not after the way he treated you after; he was too kind, too caring for his own good. You swore you wouldn't be cruel to this man; and you couldn't deny, for some reason…this small tiff was exciting you. You were now leaning into his touch, his charge over you was drawing you in. But, you knew better than to get shitty with him so you bit your tongue and thought of a different approach - opting instead just to do the easiest thing and keep quiet; but he was insistent on dragging you away so you had no other choice, "Uh-uh, I am not leaving this planet without my stuff!" you say, beginning to lose your patience and yanking his arm off of yours as you stride over to the other side of the room, checking the other cupboards and looking for any secret compartments.
"The Republic is in danger!" He all but shouts, exasperated, his arms moving wide as he shows his complete agony at your refusal to leave. Time was ticking and he couldn't be late, Obi-Wan Kenobi was never late.
"Your life is in danger if you don't. give. me. my. guns." you sneer, turning aggressively and striding up to him, squaring up just millimetres from his face.
"We have to leave right now! This is for the greater good!" He curts back, grabbing you by both arms and moving in even closer to you to the point if you wanted to, you could head-butt him and he wouldn't be able to react, no-matter what Jedi senses he had.
"Greater good?! Don't give me that bullshit," you snide, but then you notice the smallest of smiles tickle his lips, and that fire in his eyes from yesterday has all but relit, this time a warm and flickering flame. You know you shouldn't wind him up, it only makes things worse, but by God did you just not give a fuck anymore. Fuck it. You cant even have an argument with this man without getting turned on. So screw it, you're gonna embrace these feelings even though you know you shouldn't; for the moment, the reward outweighs the benefit - you're in a different fucking galaxy for Christ's sake, anything is possible. Grow a pair and just say it.
"I am the greatest good you're ever gonna get, Master Kenobi" you snarl, but in a smirky, flirtatious way. Two can play this game Mr. Kenobi; if you're gonna flirt with me, I'm gonna flirt with you.
Game on.
Kenobi stammers, but he doesn't move away like you expected him to, instead he is just still. He doesn't even risk breathing and you wonder if you have broken some sort of programming chip or if Obi-Wan.exe has actually stopped working. After a hot minute, his grip on your arms tightens, and before you know whats going on, the room spins around you - everything a blur. And then thud, shit, you're trapped against the wall. What is going on--
He's kissing you.
Okay you definitely were not expecting this reaction. However you don't protest, it's futile, you want this man and he wants you; and with the little space he has allowed for you to move...you lean into it, pouring everything into this kiss in an effort to cleanse your guilty conscience. You shouldn't be indulging in this, you hardly knew him...but why did it feel so right?  Why did it feel like his lips were carved exclusively for you, like his desperation was only cured by the intimate presence of your skin to his? You could question it all you liked, but you knew you were meant to do this. You felt a cool and icy shiver rack your body, only for it to be chased away by a searing heat that ignited your senses and threw you into the deep end of arousal. You were hot, but not in reaction to temperature, but hot and drunk on his heat, his incessant movements and pressure, his greatest efforts to get more of you, his need to make you understand how you make him feel. So you return the favour, moving your jaw in unison with his, your minds and souls binding and moving like forbidden clockwork. It felt so fucking good, he felt good, everything in this moment felt good. His soft lips were a juxtaposition to his actions, he was rough, aggressive - completely contrasting to his usual gentle nature.
This was needy, possessive. He needed you, and you needed him.
Eventually you both had to break away for air, and it was then you realised that his hands had moved from your arms and were now either side of your head, gripping tightly to your hair like he was afraid you'd slip away if he let go. But you would never go, not after that; not after feeling what you felt. The thought of leaving his side now panged your chest, and you felt this unwritten connection to his soul - it was nothing you've ever felt before, something you don't want to feel again with anyone but him.
"I--I'm sorry, I shouldn't ha--," he rasps, and his eyes widen with panic as he realises exactly what he's just done. His body had gone into autopilot and he just couldn't resist the temptation to just show you exactly what those words made him feel. He'd only known you briefly for a day or so, but he already knew you spoke the truth - you were the greatest good he was ever going to get, and he could not let you think otherwise; he'd be a fool to make the same mistakes as before, especially when he felt this strongly about you. It was forbidden, the Jedi Order would not condone his feelings; but the pain he has felt time and time again is not an option anymore. He is going to take your advice and serve himself, to be selfish just this once. The Force had brought you two together for a reason. He couldn't deny the feeling the felt the moment his lips touched yours; an incredible heat burned his body from the inside out but was immediately extinguished by a glorious cooling  surge of ice that calmed his nerves and sent him falling into the ever deepening pit of lust. It was like you were made for each-other, perfectly complimenting the others differences and calming the raging storms that twisted and turned within both your souls, pooling and mixing into something you could both share, a united feeling that was exclusive to just you and him.
"Shut up--" you moan, leaning in to kiss him once again, this time throwing your arms around his neck to bring his body to yours. You needed to be close, to be his.
That was it. His last tether of resolve singed away and the ice from before swept him into a frenzy. He grabbed you again, and like before, the intimate feeling of your souls blending blinded his arousal and shot shooting pains though his chest.
'ting-ting-ting-ting'
“What's--that," you breathe out between kisses, hoping you're just hearing things. Yet you aren't, and Obi-Wan reluctantly pulls away and turns away from you. He knows exactly who that is. How was he going to get himself out of this one?
"Anakin"
"Obi--Master. Are you okay? You're late...and you look flushed, are you ill?" Anakin inquires, the blue holo-projection of his head moving closer to inspect Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan hastily turned away from you, doing his best to get you out of the frame - he could hide his emotions, you could not, and by the way your hair was strewn in wild directions here, there and everywhere, it'd be quite obvious why he was late.
"No, no, I'm fine, I--My alarm didn't go off and so I woke up late, Amy has just finished getting ready and were on our way down now," Obi-Wan blurts out. He was a great negotiator, yes - but Anakin knew his Master like no one and he soon caught onto Obi-Wan's poor attempt at lying.
"Master...," Anakin pauses, and you notice him clearly eyeing up Obi-Wan in speculation. You silently prayed he would not catch on; you had a bad feeling Anakin was someone who would not let you forget something like this, and you hoped not for your sake but for Obi-Wan's that he'd drop the act soon enough, "Sure Master...sure. Get down here, we're leaving in 10." Anakin smirks before cutting the transmission - not allowing Obi-Wan to protest.
"Shit" Obi-Wan swears. 
"Language" you remind him, giggling as he turns and gives you the evils. But it doesn't last long, and he soon joins you until you're both in a fit of laughter. Surely if it felt this good it was the right thing to do?
"Come on, we don't have long, let's get down there before they suspect anything else, come," Obi-Wan finishes, hitting the panel on the door and grabbing his duffel bag on the way out as you follow him into the hallways and to the hanger.
________
As far as awkward conversations go, this just about takes the cake.
You were stood in the ships war room, alone with Obi-Wan and Anakin. The silence was deafening, and you couldn't ask Obi-wan for help because he was just as guilty as you. You were both to be punished it seems, but you'd always argue it was worth it.
"So...let's address the bantha in the room" Anakin starts off strong - you freeze. You're pretty sure your heart just dropped out your chest, or you wished it would because it would be less painful than having to sit through this conversation. Obi-Wan however is as cool as ice, and you suppose this is why he has the rank of General and is one of the most decorated Jedi in the Order...or so Anakin tells you; either way he is the epitome of calm and he brushes Anakin's comment off like an insignificant breeze with a roll of his shoulders. 
"And what's that, Anakin?" Obi-Wan interrogates. He's feeling risky today - you have to admit, the guys got balls. If attachment is forbidden, he really is running a fine line, maybe the general isn't as much of a straight arrow as you thought - everyone loves an adrenaline rush...
Anakin eyes the both of you for a hot minute. His attention leaves Obi-Wan and zones in on you. He knows you're the weakest link here, or that is what he thinks anyway. Come on Amy, get your shit together, you were in the SAS for fucks sake!
"Yes, Anakin?" you snap back at him before he has a chance to interrogate you too. You broaden your shoulders and take a step towards him, moving past Obi-Wan and standing protectively in front of him. Inside you were screaming, but on the outside, you were as hard as Beskar. Nothing was going to move you, you were a force that couldn't be reckoned with. Anakin was quiet, but he caught your body language and strode towards you, crossing his arms across his chest and looking down at you - his own attempt at intimidation. But it was no use, you'd faced worse people, warlords and mass murderers. Anakin was easy game.
"Nothing." He hums, but it soon turns into a smirk. He eyes you, hard, like he's somehow seeing past your barriers and not at you, but through you; like he was reading your mind. It was weird, and an odd tingle scratched at the back of your head. On impulse you reached back and scratched it, but it wouldn't rid the dull ache that was quickly forming. The only way you could describe it was like someone was knocking on your head from the inside. Obi-Wan noticed your confusion and stepped in, curbing a situation before it starts.
"Anakin you know better than that, don't." Obi-Wan warns, chastising the younger man for his behaviour. You didn't know what was going on but figured it was some weird space wizard shit so you just kept to yourself. Even if they were to explain it, you were sure you wouldn't understand anyway. You just wanted to hear the mission debrief, get your guns back and find your cabin. Obi-Wan had mentioned you using a data pad on the walk to the ship as a means to pass the time - but you had a feeling you wouldn't be doing much reading considering you were about to become a motherfucking Astronaut. This was something you hadn't told Obi-Wan - you were originally an academic. You accepted an offer to study Astrophysics at Oxford - your dream literally coming true. It was all you ever wanted, to learn and study the stars, the moons and planets - endless, infinite lands and places of opportunity, discovery.
Space mesmerized you.
It always had. It was something you and your Dad we're always interested in. You supposed your curiosities stemmed from his own fascination with life outside of the little rock you inhabited, and those principles were drilled into your soul from the moment you were born. The sheer mass of concept for Space was incomprehensible to the human mind, and you always found yourself wondering what it was like beyond what you could see, what was yours to understand. The theory of reality is what caught your attention, what really drew you in. You figured out from an early age that things only exist because they're ours, because our eyes have laid upon them; like discovering a continent for the first time, or finding a new star in the sky; our cognition on reality changes every-time a new one is discovered. But reality doesn't define truth. Reality is a concept moulded by the human mind, it's programmed into us, allowing us to function in our reality; and to us, that is all that matters, that our truth is our reality. To us, humans on Earth, life means something - an organism that is living; but that's our concept of reality on life. Other creatures may have other definitions and criteria for life, and that's why when Obi-Wan attempted to explain the Force and its intelligence, the fact that it binds and interwinds with everything within the Galaxy, your interest surged. The infinite possibilities of your conscience instantly evolved beyond control and now you were incapable of grasping any form of relativity because your basis for understanding, your core concepts of life, your own reality had shifted - and like gravity, your connection to life as you knew it had all but been manipulated into something new, a different mass of knowledge, a different belief.
A new reality.
But you don't get much time to contemplate as the doors to the war room open and a few soldiers walk in. You turn around to face them and stand at attention - this was a habit that wasn't going to break anytime soon.
“Cody, Rex - this is Amy. She’ll be joining us to Yerbana,” Obi-Wan introduced you. The two soldiers nodded their heads in acknowledgement.
“Yes, we've heard of you, the troops are eager to meet you, say - you were a solder before you found yourself here?” Rex asks, removing his helmet along with Cody and resting it under his arm.
“Yes, I was a Commanding Officer in the SAS... Which is like intelligence and reconnaissance. We were best of the best.” you reply. You weren't one for self-praise but you also weren't lying - the SAS was one of the top, if not the best armed intelligence organisation on Earth, and you were proud to be considered an essential part.
“Ah, perfect. We have the mission detail here, we are eager to hear your opinion on our strategy, General Kenobi told us that was one of your specialities?” Cody returned. This calmed you a little, A - because you'd be doing something familiar, something you were naturally gifted at, organising battle-plans and stealth routes; and B - because Obi-Wan had spoken highly of you to the Troops. It was a small gesture but heartwarming all the same.
“Sure, let's have a look, ” you assert, slipping into your commander mindset instantly.
_____
The plan was a solid one, you had to give them that - although the only grievance you had was Anakin's obsession with running head-first into danger. You'd said time and time again that there was a time and a place for blunt aggression, but he was just not having any of it. He insisted his team, the 501st was to go for a full-on frontal assault. Your frustration with his incompetence and disregard for your opinion was frustrating beyond belief. Every time someone brought up a new idea, he'd just butt in and demand he knew best. Over an hour had passed and you'd had enough.
‘Skywalker, how am I going to get it past that thick skull of yours that running headfirst into a firefight we are blatantly outnumbered against is not only a stupid idea but a selfish one at that?” you let out, gripping the sides of the war table until your knuckles had turned white. You didn't need to look up to know the face he and everyone else in the room was pulling. The room was silent, no-one even dared to breathe. You had been calm throughout the whole instigation, choosing only brief moments to speak and provide your input. But he was just driving you up the wall. No one said anything so you continued.
“I have faced countless war zones, seen death more times than I would like to ever admit, as I am sure you have as well. Yet you seem so complacent with your tactics? Use that brain of yours and see the bigger picture, hmm? If we run headfirst into this, block A and C will be overrun within minutes, and no amount of Jedi fuckery is going to save you from that; so drop the hero antics and listen. If the 212th drop at B, and you drop at D, we can counter from both sides whilst I send my crew in through C and infiltrate from inside; disabling the electronics, lights and defensive cannons. This will buy you both a distraction and we can work from the inside out, as well as allowing aircraft artillery to attend if things go south. If their attention is initially drawn to my team, their backs will practically be turned to you and then you can swing that glitter stick of yours to your hearts content, ok? Just... for the love of Christ have some patience” you finish, breathing heavily now that you’d managed to get your plan out in the open.
No one dared to say a thing, and you were now regretting your informal choice of words and chastising. You weren’t even part of the Army here and you were inciting orders. But, before you could backtrack, Anakin interjected.
“You’re right,” Anakin mumbled, followed by a brief huff of frustration, “I just want to get this over with…either way we still have the weeks long travel there and back, we have plenty of time to plan. Let’s pick this up tomorrow.” he finished, and you don’t even get time to reply before he is strutting out of the room in a sulk. 
“Anakin,” Obi-Wan follows. You don’t see the cautionary glance he gives you, but knows better than to let his former Padawan stroll off alone with his emotions. He could practically feel the anger in swathes. You were with Rex and Cody, they’d look after you - so Obi-Wan shuffled after Anakin and out into the hallway. 
You still haven’t bothered looking up from the table and your shoulders tense when the heavy doors swing back shut at Anakin’s angered exit. You close your eyes and take a deep breathe, counting down from ten like you always did back home when someone would aggravate you. It was a good tactic and always seemed to work. You get to three before you're interrupted.
“Don’t take it personally, he's always like that. He'll come around soon enough.” Rex says, walking over and standing next to you at the table. You take a deep breathe and centre yourself, letting your frustrations flow away and just leaving it, it’s not worth the agro. You turn to face Rex. 
“Thanks, I apologise for my tone, I should know better than to talk like that.” You admit, looking down at your feet and awkwardly meddling with the loose string you’d picked on the inside of your shirt. Rex didn’t say anything and you thought you were being dismissed as he walked away. You closed your eyes again and took another deep breath. You’d been out of line and let Anakin’s frustrations fuel your own - you knew better than this. You thought of finding Anakin’s quarters and apologising personally, that would be the grown up thing to do. You open your eyes and turn to leave but you’re stopped in your tracks by Cody handing you a large black crate. 
“Whats this, Cody?” You ask, taking the crate from him and placing it down on a near table. 
“Your guns, we have a few questions if you don’t mind?” Cody confers, and you follow him over to the table Rex had decided to sit at, placing the crate onto the middle of the table. You sat down opposite the two troopers, not bothering to hide the excited grin that prickled your lips. 
“Sure, what can I do to help?” You say, turning your attention from the odd crate to the two solders. 
“What are they, your guns? We can’t seem to figure it out…?” Cody admits, placing his helmet on the floor as he reaches over and begins to open the crate. Your guns come into view, your few possessions of your life from home. Your heart jumps at the realisation Obi-Wan hadn’t been lying, and then a pang of embarrassment tugs your heart as you remember how you spoke to him, thinking he was purposefully hiding them from you. They were just genuinely curious, and you internally curse yourself for being so bigoted. 
“Well, they’re just regular guns, two Glocks and a M14EBR assault rifle. They’re standard in the military, or at least where I’m from. Why? Have you never seen a gun, I mean you guys are constantly carrying them around!” You don’t even bother trying to hide your confusion, maybe you’d hit your head when you fell off the sofa this morning? But either way, any opportunity to talk equipment guiltily made your mouth drool. 
You had an odd relationship with guns. Often people would argue that they caused death and pain and where unnecessary, and you agreed with them, which seems hypocritical at first. Except for the fact that your viewpoint wasn’t typical of a solider. You would love a world where guns did not exist, you hated their concept of design for murder, but at the same time, you knew that you wished for impossible things, and unfortunately the reality was just as painful; sick, twisted people who got their hands on guns often did sick twisted things with them, often to innocent people, and with how guns are designed you had to fight fire with fire. You permitted your use of firearms only in defence and for the protection of others who could not help themselves. It was a difficult parabellum you struggled to grasp at first, but after facing fight after fight, the conflict faded and you saw the truth. 
Humans could be terrible, terrible beings, and some have access to power they should not be trusted with. Unfortunately, there comes a time for hard choices, permanent choices, and someone has to be the messenger. Using guns didn’t make you bad, it was what you were using them for which made you a bad person. You convinced yourself that if you only used them in protective means for those who did not have the same choices as you, you would help them in any way you could, even if it meant defiling your moral privilege to do so. Over time, you’d become fond of your equipment and the experiences you’d witnessed using them, with them. It was odd, but you held a deep-rooted and embracing connection to your possessions. They were just guns, but they had saved your life and countless others, but also taken many too. You couldn’t really describe the sentimental love-hate relationship, but they were some of your last remaining reminders of your previous life, and you’d unhealthily cling to them, even though you know you shouldn’t. 
“Ours shoot plasma, yours shoot…metal?” Cody informs, but they seem to be just as confused as you. 
“Yes…they shoot bullets…don’t tell me you’ve never seen it before? A bullet?” You chuckle in disbelief. 
“No, we can’t say we have… how does it work?” Rex asks again. And the three of you spend the next few hours discussing the differences between your experiences. You told them everything about the SAS and how it operated, what missions you’d done and all things in-between. Talking to people of your same nature, who weren’t bound by weird wizard rules but served a power and their brothers, were loyal and part of a bigger family. It was homely, and before long you felt yourself opening up more than you would have expected to. Eventually the conversation landed on your crew:
9’s - he was quiet, never said much. He was called 9’s because he only had 9 fingers. You laughed when you told them about how he’d lost it on his first SAS mission. You’d been on a stakeout in Siberia for intel and in his sleep it had gotten bitten off by a pack of wolves you all had to fight off. It was terrifying at the time but you all look back at in and laugh now. 
Screw - “funny bloke” is all you could describe him. The nickname came from the clear understanding that the moment you met him, you knew he had a screw loose. He was bonkers yet fearless, and he carried your team through the darkest, most dangerous moments. The man had nothing to loose, and that was terrifying but tactful. 
Sleeves - this was quiet self explanatory. Sleeves hated…well, sleeves. Every item of clothing he had couldn’t have sleeves - new tunics were always massacred into tank tops. You all knew it was because he liked to show off his tattoos, but he’d always argue it was because he was hot. You’d all call him out on his bullshit but you loved him all the same. 
Frankie -  his name wasn’t actually Frankie but the moment you found out he had American parents and his favourite food was hotdogs (frankfurters in particular) it was settled, no if’s or but’s. Frankie was sensible, too wise for his age but he still acted like a child sometimes, and you’d always put him in his place. 
Cap - he was the adult of the group. He was sensible, smart and level headed; and acted way too old for his age. But, he was a necessary balance to the group and never swore, and after chastising you on a mission when your language took a particularly sour (British) path  he took the name Cap after you’d called him Cap’n ‘Murica as joke, and it stuck. 
505 - this guy had an obsession with the Arctic Monkeys, and during your first week together he’d sing the song ‘505’ on repeat until you forcibly choked him, forcing him to tap out and stop - only for five minutes until he started again. You had to admit he had an incredible taste in music, and you often found yourself sat next to him on long trips sharing an EarPod. 
Rex and Cody went on to explain the members of their battalions, and you knew instantly that you’d get along. Time had flown between the three of you and before you knew it it was nearing the afternoon. Over time a few of the other troopers had filled into the room, and before you knew it, there was a good 15 or so troopers gathered around the table. You all exchanged wild stories, and many laughed at the way you described a few funny moments - in particular the Siberian wolf incident. It felt so homely to be back with troopers again, people of your own ilk. What did un-nerve you however was the fact that they all looked the same, and it freaked you out even more when they told you they were clones. The shock was obvious and they couldn’t believe you hadn’t mastered cloning on Earth, and it became obvious just how primal your technological understanding truly was. They couldn’t believe it when you’d said you’d only travelled to one moon, and they were even more shocked to find this was your first time in space-flight. Flying through space at light speed seemed so normal to them, except for you it was your wildest dream coming true. But you’d have plenty of time to live in it as you remembered Anakin saying you had a weeks long travel, there and back. Perfect. 
“So, you gonna show is how to use these guns or what?” Cody joked. 
“Sure, you got a gun range or something?” You asked, standing up from your seat and picking up your guns. Fives had asked earlier if you needed anything and you said your rucksack as it contained your thigh holsters for your Glocks, as well as your combat knives and other equipment. He had soon returned and once you stood, you started attaching the various bits and pieces so you could carry everything on your person. 
“Yeah,” Wolffe said, then turning to command the troops, “lets all head over, cmon, follow us,” he finished. You’d finished getting yourself ready and holstered your guns before following them out to the gun range. 
_______
Evening must have been approaching because you were beginning to feel the appetising pull of sleep. The troopers had taken you to the mess hall where you could grab some grub before kicking the bucket for the night. You hadn’t seen Obi-Wan all day, and you had been too busy to even think of him, let alone spend any time with him. But, as you took the last bite of your evening meal, your mind drifted to the kiss from before. The voices of the troopers blurred out and you found yourself recalling the moments in slow motion. 
His lips pressed to yours, seeking comfort and getting only wild emotion in return. He’d said attachment is forbidden, yet he acted with such surity and meaningfulness, it made you question his standpoint on the ‘Jedi Code’ he so rigorously followed. 
You’d never felt anything like that before - the connection you felt to him was lingering and it felt like it hadn’t left. An odd energy tugged at you; you could feel it in your chest, and if you centred yourself and took a moment to feel your emotions you could feel a new, foreign body faintly connected to you. You closed your eyes and tried to focus in on the odd presence, and after a few moments of deep breathing and relaxing, you found yourself in a separate state you had never been in before. Even though your eyes were closed you still felt like you could see, but you didn’t have to move - your eyes were not the stimulus, no - it was your feelings instead; and at the distant corner of your consciousness, a faint, lavender thread attached itself to you. You absentmindedly followed the tether until you found yourself approaching a chasm of light, a deep cerulean blue that circled like a whirlpool in front of you. Yet this wasn’t aggressive or angry like it should be - whirlpools were meant to be dangerous, but this one was different. It was calm and controlled, centred, its energy emanated out from its centre, not from inside - the light it emitted glowing cooly against the stark black backdrop of your consciousness. You felt an immeasurable attraction to it, and you wanted to reach out. But you stopped yourself out of fear for disturbing it - it was so peaceful and sentient, you should be happy enough to just look at it, to be in its presence. 
Thats when you chanced a look at yourself, and you were astonished to find you were glowing red, a hot fire of golden hues. But your light wasn’t emanating from you, instead you were drawing the light into you, sucking at the energy that surrounded you. It was odd, how you contrasted the cloud of blues before you. Everything seemed so nice in this moment, perfect. But it didn’t last long. Before you could stop it, you were reaching out and grasping the blue light, and like how your energy seemed to pull in towards itself, you began pulling and tearing at the peaceful presence before you. You were draining them. The colour began to mix and blend between you, and you panicked. You instantly pulled back and out of your relaxed trance, opening your eyes with a sudden gasp for air. 
The Troopers looked at you weirdly, and it took you a second to collect your thoughts and realise your surroundings. 
“Are you okay?” Jesse asked, placing a hand on you shoulder from across the table. 
“Yeah, yeah I’m good, I—I need to get some sleep. Do any of you know where Obi—General Kenobi is?” You asked, scratching at your face with the lower half of your palms, trying to make sense of what you’d just seen, or felt. 
“No… but I’ll call him, give me a moment” Cody said as he pulled out the communicator. You didn’t listen into the conversation, you couldn’t if you tried. You were so distant, and you were drained. Trying to focus that hard had obviously taken its toll on you and you needed to sit down and piece it all together away from prying eyes. A few minutes passed and soon you were brought back into thinking by the warm presence of Obi-Wan. You stood to get up and greet him but were shocked to find the hallway empty. Thats odd, you could have sworn you felt him— and then he came round the corner. You’d felt his presence before he even got into the room… 
“Amy,” Obi-Wan said as he stood before you. 
“General,” You reply, dumbfounded at your crazy revelation. You must be tired because you’re beginning to imagine things now, “Care to show me where I will be sleeping?” You finish. 
“Sure, follow me. Cody, Rex,” Obi-Wan politely acknowledged before placing a hand on your shoulders and leading you out of the mess hall. 
You followed Obi-Wan to the quarters of the ship, but were surprised when you found yourself in quarters that looked suspiciously like they were his - his woollen cloak was draped over a chair and his lightsaber sat proudly on the small coffee table in the middle of the room. He closed the door behind him before guiding you to the sofa where you’d both sit. However before he sat, he’d stuck the kettle on and grabbed a blanket, carefully draping it over you before he finished preparing the two cups of tea he’d placed out. 
“Obi-Wan,” You start, yawning before taking a sip of the teacup he passes to you as he sits down next to you on the sofa, kicking his feet out and crossing them. 
“Yes?” He asks, but he doesn’t look at you. Instead, he reaches for the odd looking tablet from the table in front of you both and opens it up, his attention drawn to whatever he was beginning to scroll through. He seemed so comfortable in your presence, so natural. He never seemed this relaxed with others - always having a weird guard up that prevented anyone from seeing past the war-hardened General that stood before them. You’d only known each other for a few days now and already it felt like you had known him all your life - this unwritten connection fusing you both together in ways neither of you wanted to acknowledge for the moment. You, because your feelings were moving incredibly fast and you had to be mindful of your situation; you can never trust anyone. Those you have trusted have only ever hurt you and you fear that if you let these feelings harbour in the way they’re un-shamefully manifesting like they are, the moment Kenobi breaks your trust like you know he will, you don’t know if you will be able to hold it together this time. You knew the Jedi order condemned any form of attachment as they lead to dangerous feelings, and now you could start to see their sense. The kiss this morning was dangerous - it restrained your mind from forming coherent thoughts over anything but the kiss. 
You needed to acknowledge it but you didn’t want to sour the sweet memory. The risk of Kenobi’s regret of his actions made you nervously sweat. 
He’d noticed your hesitance and decided to break the ice for you. 
“I apologise for this morning, it was not…” He stammers. And your worst fears are confirmed. He did regret it. He didn’t feel the same as you. And for a second time you feel the heartburning wrench at you feelings. Except this time you knew it was coming. It would have been too good to be true, a man of Kenobi’s stature admitting such strong, unrestrained feelings towards you was not to be condoned. However the painful question burned whether he could not, or would not.
Instead of acting brash and childishly, you sat in silence, letting yourself stew in your own self pity - the only physical sign of your turmoil was the white knuckling grip you had on the tea-cup you were grasping in front of you. He continues, although this is something he would come to regret, “It was unprofessional and I must apologise.” He finishes. 
The grip on the cup doesn’t falter, and now your emotions turn to a bitter ice. You’re so wrapped up in his incredibly bad choice of words that you don’t notice the warm tea within the pot freeze almost instantly, the faint cracks of ice under pressure jolting the tension within the room. 
“Unprofessional?” You say, the calm tone of your voice deceiving…deceiving enough to convince Obi -Wan that you were in fact taking this a lot better than he thought you would be. He didn’t want to cut you off, but he knew he had to. He’d told himself that he would grant himself that moment, this secret. But his meditation earlier today sent him down a different path and the strict code he had practically worshipped since initial autonomy as a child gripped him in a vicious vice and centred him on this authoritarian path of (what now felt like) emptiness. And now he truly did feel like a vessel to the force, a catalyst for a greater purpose. But he knew the pain of dismissing his feelings for you now would be less painful than months and years down the line. He had to cut this connection now before he could not resist the temptations of your comfort any longer.
“Yes, I apologise for my lapse of judgement,” he muttered, not bothering to place the tablet down on the table. He figured if he played it off as casual you wouldn’t react, that if he let on to his feelings you’d somehow convince him he was wrong. He hoped you’d see it as casual, and that your feelings were not as undeniable as his. 
He was wrong. Tragically so. 
“Lapse of judgement?” You repeat. This time the tone of your voice isn’t calm, and instead is broken mid sentence by the painful waver of your true emotions. This causes Obi-Wan to stop scrolling and slowly peer a look to you, one that he now knew to be bad, very bad. 
You closed your eyes and took a deep, shaky breath - your grasp on your hurt only just holding on. The violet tether from before was now lit at both ends like a stick of dynamite, indicating the limited amount of time you had until the grip on your control would surely explode. You had to get away before you did something you’d regret. After all, his unprofessional actions were all but a singing your heartstrings - he didn’t want to feel for you, he felt like you were a mistake, maybe you were. This whole situation was a mistake, and now for the first time; you wish you never let your curiosity guide you. You stupid, stupid girl. 
Without saying anything you put the tea down onto the coffee table before you, still not noticing how you’d frozen it into a solid block. You get up, placing the blanket Obi-Wan had placed over you onto the sofa and walk towards the door. You had no words. None. You had to have some space to process everything - if you were to spend a week on the same ship as this man you had to calm down before you cut the journey short - for everyone. That didn’t guarantee you wouldn’t shoot him the moment you landed. 
“Where are you going?” Obi-Wan asks, following you up out of the sofa and towards the door. This was not his plan at all, how could he have messed up so bad? 
“Away from you.” You reply emptily - no bitterness, anger or frustration. Just empty. He did not deserve your pity. He played you, let out his uncontrollable lust on you and now played it off as if it was nothing, that it was a mistake. No, you would not entertain this sorry state of a man who claims for fight for peace when all he wreaks is havoc on your heart. 
“Did I say something wrong?” Obi-Wan insists. The both of you are now stood at the door, your hand hovering over the button but not pressing it - Obi-Wan keeping his distance, not making the same mistake as last time. 
You can’t hold the sadistic chuckle that leaves your throat. 
“No, General, you said nothing wrong.” And with that you pressed the button and left the room. 
He knew better than to follow. 
After all, this is what he wanted. 
Wasn’t it?
14 notes · View notes
juviaafullbuster · 5 years ago
Text
FORGIVING HIM
Genre: Angst and fluff
Relationship: Gruvia
Summary: Gray is determined to apologize to Juvia and win her back after realizing what he has done and what he is losing.
A/N:
This is the second part to my story "Breaking her" which I wrote for Gruvia week. Its dedicated to @amrentheangel since it was supposed to be a one-shot but she asked for another part. Hope you like it, let me know what you think :)
Here is part 1 if you're interested:
https://juviaafullbuster.tumblr.com/post/614669804097470464/breaking-her
*************************************************
Tumblr media
A few weeks had passed since the group had returned back to Magnolia. The whole guild was working hard on rebuilding the guild hall. It filled Gray with pride, seeing that things didn't change between the guild members and everyone was putting their all into it. Fairy Tail still meant a lot to every single one of them. If only every thing could go back to the way it was..
He looked around for the water mage that would usually be hiding somewhere near, trying to get closer to him, but he couldn't find her. He hasn't been able to for the past days. He wasn't sure whether she was gone on a mission or just locking herself up in her dorm. He knew one thing for sure though. She was avoiding him ever since their last conversation. Thinking back, he could still hear her words clearly. Every single one she threw at him.
You only saved her to break her heart all over again.
It was a stab to his heart. Every damn word. The more she talked, the more he broke inside. But he deserved it. He deserved to hear it, deserved to feel the pain. If he was honest with himself, he never deserved Juvia in his life in the first place. She was always too good for him.
It's over. Juvia is done.
He could see the hurt in her eyes, the way she was holding back her tears and forcing her chin up, trying not to show weakness. She had reminded him of the Juvia he met that day on the roof. The phantom lord Juvia. Cold, calculating, distant.. He remembered that day like it was yesterday. It was were everything had started. He was amazed by her power, admittedly a little freaked out too. But that wasn't what stuck in his memory the most. It was her fall. The way she just accepted it. She didn't scream nor did she try to hold onto something. She just kept falling, empty eyes looking into the sky. She was ready to leave, ready to lose her life. It was a quick reaction, but he had caught her by her wrist and pulled her up. And somehow he had broken the curse that had been following her. They both sat on the roof, still drenched from the rain that had been pouring over them just minutes ago. It was gone now. He let Juvia see the clear sky for the first time. That day, it changed her completely. He had saved her. At least that's what Juvia always told him.
You brought the rain back, Gray.
It was the words she had last said to him, before parting ways. The words that kept coming up in his head, showing him how much he had messed up and how badly he had truly hurt her. Juvia had left after, not seeing the way he broke down, how he couldn't hold it back anymore. The tears kept flowing and his heart was aching. He was praying to wake up, praying that it was all a bad dream, that it would be over soon and he would see his Juvia again, the one with the brightest smile and the purest heart. But it never happened. Juvia was gone and he was left alone.
The days kept passing and no matter how hopeful he woke up, reality would always catch up to him very quickly. He still didn't see Juvia anywhere around and the worry was eating away at him. He missed her. He missed her smile, the way she would greet him, the way she called out his name. He missed it all, every little thing about her. His thoughts had kept him up all night and after a lot of turning and tossing, he had finally made a decision. He would fix this and win her back, no matter what. Juvia was his girl and he wasn't going to just give up so easily. Gray had truly messed up this time, he was aware of that. But he will do anything to make it up to her. That was a promise.
Gray walked up to Gajeel, determination in his steps. If anyone knew where the water mage was, it would be her best friend.
"Hey Gajeel, you got a minute?"
"Look what we have here. If it isn't the stripper."
"Gajeel, be nice.." Levy gave him a pointed look, able to feel the tension between the two boys.
"You don't happen to know where Juvia is?"
"So now you care?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing. I can't help you so go bother someone else."
"Seriously?" Gray was growing impatient. He needed to know where Juvia was, the sooner the better. This iron head over here was no help whatsoever. Why did he bother asking him in the first place?
"Look, I really need to talk to her. It's very important."
"You plan on fixing things?"
Gajeel didn't show it openly, but he had a good heart. Gray being one who doesn't like to show his emotions either, knew that. And he knew that Gajeel would do anything for Juvia, despite always calling her the annoying rain woman. They were best friends after all.
"Juvia went on a mission."
"With who?"
"By herself. She insisted on going alone."
The way Gajeel said that didn't sit well with Gray at all. And by the way the dragon slayer was looking at him, he wasn't too fond of it either.
"I don't know what kind of mission it is, she didn't really say much. She's been pretty distant lately, avoiding almost everyone and staying silent on every trip. But going alone on a mission is a new one, even for that crazy woman."
It really was a new one. Even back in her Phantom Lord days, Juvia wasn't one to work alone. So heading out on a mission all by herself definelty was a warning sign that shouldn't be ignored. The worries Gray had kept growing. But there was nothing he could do now besides waiting for her to come back and praying that it wouldn't be too late.
The sun had set already when Juvia arrived back in Magnolia. The job had taken longer than expected, but she had finished it successfully. Although she had to admit that it wasn't the best idea to go by herself because it made everything much harder and also gave her too much time to think and that wasn't doing her any good lately.
Juvia approached Fairy Hills, desperately longing for a hot shower and her bed but stopped in her tracks when she saw a certain someone sitting on the bench in front of the building. It had been days since she last saw him and weeks since she last talked to him. He looked like a mess. There were bags under his eyes that indicated that he hadn't slept in a week. His hair was messy, like he had run his hand through it several times. Despite that, he still looked handsome, the most beautiful man Juvia laid eyes on. She considered turning around and walking away, but he spotted her before she had time to react, his dark eyes locking with hers and paralyzing her on the spot.
"Juvia!"
She couldn't avoid him forever, she was aware of that. She was angry, sad and hurt.. but she missed him. She missed him so much. Taking a deep breath, she prepared herself for the conversation that she could no longer postpone.
He had already stood up in a rush and was now standing in front of her. For a moment, they both stood in silence, looking at each other before Juvia nervously averted her gaze, looking anywhere but at the man in front of her. She couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye and opted for keeping her head low, eyes focusing on her shoes.
Gray wasn't sure where to start. There was so much he needed to say and yet no words came out. He wanted to punch himself. He had prepared for that moment so many times for the past weeks, overthinking every sentence and training in front of the mirror and now that he finally had a chance, he was messing it up. He needed to get it together. He scratched the back of his head, before taking a deep breath and deciding that he should, in Elfmans words, be a man.
"Juvia, I- I missed you." Gray wasn't going to hold back on his emotions. He promised he was going to be honest with her and he was going to keep this one at least. Juvia didn't give him an answer, but she didn't try to leave either so he took that as a sign to continue.
"Listen, I've been thinking about every thing, about what happened, what I did and what you said and.. I understand it. I understand why you feel this way, why you avoid me, maybe even hate me. You have every right to be angry with me. I messed up.."
Juvia wanted to interrupt him. I don't hate you. I could never hate you. But she bit her tongue. She had to stay strong, she couldn't just run back into his arms and pretend everything was good, not yet at least. Although that was exactly what she wanted to do.
"Juvia, I am truly sorry. I have done a lot of things in my life I'm not exactly proud of, things I regret. But leaving you, hurting you, that is the one thing I regret the most, one thing that will haunt me for the rest of my life. My excuses for leaving you don't matter, what I did was simply wrong. I should have never left you all by yourself, without a word. You have been on my mind the entire time. I wanted to come back so many times, to check on you, but I didn't. I was a coward and I don't deserve you."
Taking a deep breath, Gray put his hands on Juvias shoulder. When the water mage finally looked up, it broke his heart all over again. The tears were running down her cheeks and she looked so hurt, so broken. But he couldn't stop yet, couldn't comfort her, he had to finish first and see where things would go from there.
"But I am selfish. I'm too selfish to let you go, to let you move on. I will do whatever it takes to earn your forgiveness. I won't give up. I need you, Juvia. I need you by my side. Not seeing you this past weeks, it drove me crazy. I didn't realize how attached I had become to you, how big your role in my life had become. You broke the ice around me, pulled me from a darkness I wasn't aware I was in. You always used to say that I'm your hero, that I saved you. But it's not true. You are the one that saved me. I can't let go of you, Juvia. You are my world and I need you. I'm sorry I didn't give you an answer sooner. I'm sorry you had to get hurt for me to realize how stupid I am. I was being a coward. I'm not good enough for you, but I promise to do better, become a man worthy of you. I'll do whatever it takes. Because I think-"
Gray took a step closer and put his hand on Juvias cheek, wiping away a tear that was rolling down. He took her hand in his, bringing it up to his face and placed a kiss on the inside of her wrist.
"I think I love you. No, that's not right. I don't just think so, I'm sure. I'm in love with you. I can't stay away from you because I'm better when I'm with you. You make me happy, the way I feel when I'm with you.. it's different. It's good. I- I love you, Juvia."
He wasn't holding back anymore. If there was anyone he'd pour his heart to, it is Juvia. And no matter how she'd react, he won't regret being honest with her. For a moment neither of them said anything, just gazing into each other's eyes. His heart was hammering against his chest and Gray was sure Juvia could hear his heartbeat.
"Juvia missed you so much."
Juvia was done trying to be strong, trying to hold back. Gray had told her everything she wanted to hear and more. He was honest and showed her a side of him noone else was allowed to see, his vulnerable side. The tears were now falling like water falls and Juvia practically threw herself at Gray, hugging him tightly and burying her face in his chest. She had missed this so much, his scent, his warmth, him. She felt his arms coming around her and pulling her even closer. Gray leaned his head on hers. And after so long she felt like she was finally home.
"Please don't leave Juvia ever again."
"I won't, I promise you."
"Good. You know, Juvia wanted this for so long, but.. I thought you didn't want me."
"I do, I want you. Only you."
They stayed like this for a while, just enjoying each others presence before Gray let her out of his embrace, instead putting his hands on her waist and leaning his forehead on hers.
"Juvia."
"Hm?"
"Can I kiss you?"
"Juvia was wondering what you were waiting for.."
Gray flashed her a breathtaking smile before leaning in and finally locking his lips with hers. The kiss was slow and careful, like he was testing the water first, but they both melted into it soon and the kiss became deeper instantly. It was as if they were pouring every emotion they felt now and for the past weeks into it, the ache, the longing. Juvias arms went around his neck and Gray pulled her even closer, not leaving any space between their bodies. They didn't stop kissing until they were forced to, both being out of breath. Even then, they stayed close to each other, neither willing to let go.
"You know, your lips are very soft. I could kiss them all day."
Juvia giggled and give him a quick peek on the lips, teasing him. "Juvia wouldn't mind that."
Gray was grinning like a child that just got candy. He didn't remember ever being this happy. He finally had her back, Juvia was by his side again and this time, she knew how he was feeling. There was nothing more to hide. Juvia was his, just as much as he was hers and there was nothing in this world that would make him let go of her ever again. He had meant every word he said, he'd prove himself to her and become a better man. For her, he'd do anything.
"Juvia, I love you. I really do."
"Juvia loves you too, Graysama."
114 notes · View notes
wickedbarnes · 5 years ago
Text
Forbidden Fruit (Pt.5) | Keanu Reeves x Reader
Tumblr media
Part 4
WARNING: Angst.
NOTE: I'm sorry if this doesn't have a "read more" thingy. If anyone is willing to teach me how to do it over mobile, I'd be very grateful! And I'm so sorry if this was quite short. There's more to come and more developments coming!
--
It had been days after that night. And nothing has been the same ever since. You could tell how Keanu was avoiding you with every chance he got. And although you felt guilty, you just couldn't help but feel frustrated and offended by how he was acting towards you.
Was it your fault that night happened? Maybe. You were attracted to the man after all. But you didn't initiate what had happened. And it wasn't your fault you caught him masturbating to you and moaning your fucking name.
But did you confront him about it? No, certainly not. How could you, anyway? You felt embarrassed and a tad bit disgusted with yourself for fucking your mother's boyfriend. And the way Keanu was avoiding you just didn't help your situation at all.
You felt as if he was thinking the same way about you. A girl with severe daddy issues.
The thought had left a bitter taste in your mouth and you couldn't help but push your plate away and drink a glass of water. Your Mom had noticed this and it was never like you to push your food away unless you felt really ill.
"Is there something wrong, Y/N?" Your Mom asked, eyeing the plate that was still filled with your favorite pesto pasta.
"The pesto wasn't really good." You could tell your Mom sensed the lie but you were thankful she didn't comment on it. The pesto tasted heavenly actually but you just couldn't bring yourself to eat. You had lost the appetite and it had been days since you last enjoyed your food.
It was Friday and your Mom had miraculously took the day out and decided to spend some time with you but unfortunately, Keanu couldn't join. Something about taking of something at Arch but you had a feeling that was some sort of half-assed excuse not to have lunch with you and your Mom fearing of the guilt that would creep up on the both of you.
Somehow, you had started to count the days before you went back home and you both dreaded and craved for it. Dreaded because it would be a while until you visited your Mom again and craved it just because you just wanted to get away from here and forget what had happened that night.
When you finally got home with your Mom after a day of eating outside and doing a little shopping spree, Keanu was already home and watching the television while sitting down on the couch. Your Mother had greeted him with a kiss but you just took it upon yourself to make your way up to your room and start editing the articles that were needed to be submitted for the next issue.
But as you ascended upstairs, you couldn't shake the feeling of being watched by a certain someone from downstairs.
Being a journalist had been a dream come true and although it was a serious job, you couldn't deny that you were passionate about it and took pride in your work. However, your silence was soon disrupted when your phone began to rang. Answering it, you put it on loud speaker while you occupied yourself into changing into some more comfortable clothing.
"Hello, Y/N?" The voice came through.
"Yes, this is she." You answered and took note of the familiar voice from your colleague and friend, Becca.
"Hey, baby, how's vacation with your Mom?" Eventful. You wanted to reply.
"It's uh... going great, yeah. How 'bout you, what's new? How's dear ol' work?" You asked as you changed into a pair of sleeping shorts and an oversized t-shirt that had quite the thin fabric and made your nipples poke right through it when you took your bra off.
"Chaotic. It's gone to shit when you took your leave. Anyways, I'm not here to guilt trip you I called to update you about the latest issue we need to make." You situated yourself on the bed and grabbed your phone from the nightstand as you tied your hair up in a bun.
"Okay, spill."
"Well, the Grand Prix motorcycle racing is coming up and a lot of people are being hyped about it. And I thought that for our issue, we should interview some successful CEOs of motorcycle companies and maybe share their story. Why they started the business and all that jazz. Maybe give us a tour to their humble abode."
"That's actually amazing, Becca. Did you have any companies in mind that could get us a head start?" You asked.
"Well, Malcolm's a huge motorcycle fan and he insisted we should try this company called Arch Motorcycle. I looked into it and they're fairly new. Started around 2011 and they make amazing motorcycles according to Mal."
Arch Motorcycle. That was Keanu's company.
--
You had just finished the phone call with Becca and you couldn't even wrap your head around the fact that you were possibly going to work with Keanu if your team was going to really push through with Arch. A huge part of you hoped not although you didn't doubt Keanu's professionalism, you just couldn't deal with the awkwardness between you two.
Sighing, you plugged your phone in your charger and decided to make your way downstairs to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. It was already quiet in the living room and you assumed everyone had went to bed but you were stand corrected when you walked into the kitchen and saw Keanu drinking a glass of water.
You both froze on your spot, neither of you not knowing what to say and you did your best to ignore how Keanu's eyes had flickered from your face to your breasts. You were sure he noticed how your nipples were deliciously poking through your shirt.
Maybe you should've covered up a little.
You gathered enough courage to walk inside and grabbed a glass as you made your way to the fridge and poured yourself some water before taking big gulps of it.
"Listen, Y/N, I--" Keanu begun but you cut him off the moment you put your glass down on the counter.
"Let's forget about it." You blurted out.
Keanu seemed take aback by what you said and almost looked as if he was confused by it either. But the realization slowly hit him until he found himself leaning against the countertop.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have walked in on you like that the other night. I should've just left you alone." You continued, making sure your voice was hushed and you looked behind you before looking up at you Keanu's unreadable expression on his features, "I promise no one has to know about this. Not even Mom. It won't be long 'till I come back home anyways so we can both forget what just happened."
There was a moment of silence between the two of you and it almost felt like you'd been standing there for over an hour. Clearing your throat, you were just about to walk away when you felt his hand wrap around your arm pulling you back against him. His dark eyes were looking down on you and you could've sworn they were a darker shade of brown this time, almost black.
"Forget? Why do you want to forget all of that, sweet girl?" He'd ask, his voice quite raspy as he traced your arm up and down with his finger and you hated how your body shivered at his touch.
Keanu couldn't stop the grin that made its way on his face upon seeing your reaction.
"So responsive, baby, that's what I like. Even the slightest of touch gets you so weak for me, huh?" You felt your cheeks heating up. No, this wasn't right. This isn't what you had in mind.
Shaking your head, you shook his hand off and you could see the hint of anger flash in Keanu's eyes and for a moment you almost wanted to apologize and show him how sorry you were but that wasn't the case right now.
"Keanu, what we did was a mistake. You're with my mom and I shouldn't have given into you like that." Your words made him freeze on the spot, letting his hand fall down to the side as you took a deep breath to gather your composure.
"What we did, it won't happen again and I'm sorry if I walked in on you like that I know I should've walked away the moment I saw you in there doing... well, you know." You let out a sigh and ran a hand through your hair, "But this isn't entirely my fault either. You shouldn't have been doing that while moaning my name and I--"
"How can you be so sure it was your name I was moaning?"
"I'm sorry?" You were taken aback by his words that you had to check if what you heard was right.
Keanu looked shocked by what he just said but quickly concealed it with a stoic expression.
"How can you be sure it was you I was fantasizing about? You didn't even ask. And you're not the only one who bears the name that you have now."
You blinked. And blinked. And blinked. You opened your mouth to say something and closed it again. Was Keanu really cheating on your Mom? Well, technically he did since he had the decency to fuck you. But... was he seeing someone else outside your Mom before you came into the picture?
You gathered your composure and took a step back. This man was unbelievable. And to think you approved of him having your Mother's heart.
"You're right. I shouldn't have. And I apologize for that. But like I said, what we did was a mistake and I highly regret all of it. But it seems that you have a bigger problem in your hands. I hope you sleep well tonight, Mr. Reeves. I know I wouldn't if I was in your place."
And with that, you left Keanu standing there dumbfounded in the kitchen as you made your way upstairs. You didn't intend to slam the door as hard as you could but you couldn't help it.
You felt embarrassed. Disgusted. Devastated and somehow betrayed in a way.
You felt used. And you were so naive and let your needs get in the way and now look where that got you. You felt devastated for your Mom because she had no idea of what was going on. She was oblivious to all of this and she doesn't deserve it.
The room along with everything else was suffocating you and you knew you couldn't stand here and spend another week in this house. Grabbing your suitcase, you stuffed your things inside and didn't even care if it was no longer neat. Once you were done, you took a deep breath and decided it was best if you just leave first thing in the morning.
You were too physically and mentally tired to drive back home. Flopping down on your bed, you draped your blanket over your body and let sleep take over. But you didn't miss how a lone tear had escaped from your eyes.
To hell with forbidden fruits, indeed.
--
TAGS: @fanficsrusz @a-really-bi-girl @fan-wicktion @baphometwolf666 @mikaneonox @coloursunlimited @ficsnroses @autumnsoidier @paanchu786 @thatonemultifandombeast @thesadvampire @keanuvibe @laura-doitnow-rememberitlater @lillytalons @wiskey-chaser @jokersdoll @meetmeinthematinee @soarocks @fickensteinn @ellie-payton @hbpx09 @cora-nova @vivelafuckingpluto
236 notes · View notes
eryiss · 4 years ago
Text
Fraxus Week 2020: Day 5 - Friends To Lovers
Tumblr media
Summary: After a crappy post-college first year, Laxus jumped at the opportunity to leave town for a week for a road trip with his friends. He intended it just to be a week away with his friends, but when he meets an unfamiliar stranger, the vacation turns into something much more. [Fraxus Multichapter]
This is the fifth part of my Fraxus Week admissions, hosted by @fuckyeahfraxus​. This year I’ve made the prompts into a single multi-chapter fic. You can see all the chapters in the Masterpost linked below. Hope you enjoy.
You can read this on Fanfiction, Archive of our Own, and under the cut. Read the other chapters from this masterlist.
Chapter Five – Talks at The Canyon
"Okay, what is up with you two?"
Laxus looked towards Bickslow with a guilty expression. He had hoped that he'd hidden the awkwardness between Freed and himself better, but obviously he'd failed. In retrospect, Laxus probably should have been suspicious when Bickslow insisted that Freed be the one to fill the RV with gas this time, rather than doing it himself. Still, just because Bickslow knew about how awkward he was behaving, it didn't mean Laxus had to explain why.
"What d'you mean?" He asked, voice a little too timid for his liking.
"I mean you two slunk out of the motel room this morning and wouldn't even look at each other, and you've not spoken to each other all day," Bickslow listed off, and Laxus realised they really hadn't hidden their awkwardness well. "So what exactly happened?"
"It's nothing," Laxus insisted.
"Bull crap," Bickslow snapped. "Look, if you two had a fight or something you can't keep it a secret. Ever's gonna get it out of ya if I don't, so you might as well tell me now."
That was probably true, both of his friends were annoyingly talented at getting information out of someone when they needed to. But Laxus felt it was probably for the best that he kept the events of last night to himself, and accomplished that by looking straight ahead out of the front window in a childish attempt to bore Bickslow to a point where he would leave him alone. Bickslow raised both of his eyebrows in disbelief at Laxus' actions, waiting.
They both sat in silence for a few moments, and Laxus almost thought that he had won. Bickslow let out a huff of annoyance, and Laxus practically prayed that the man would leave him alone so that he wouldn't have to relive what he'd done.
"Laxus," Bickslow said in a slightly pleading voice; he too was being childish then. "We're gonna be at the canyon today. It's gonna be really awkward hiking around a big hole if you two are arguing. I can't even make big hole jokes because I'll be scared of making things worse somehow. Just tell me."
"It's…" Laxus thought for a moment. "I did something stupid."
There. That was something. Perhaps it would placate the man.
"Stupid how?"
"Just stupid," Laxus sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration.
From the corner of his eye, Laxus could see that Bickslow was looking at him with more concern than interest now. Maybe it was best to tell him; the guy was pretty sympathetic when he wanted to be. Hell, the only reason they were on this road trip was because he wanted his friends to feel better. Maybe he could offer Laxus some advice.
"I kissed him last night," Laxus admitted with an exhale.
"Oh," Bickslow said, and he was clearly not expecting that. "And… he didn't kiss back. He pushed you off?"
"No, he kissed back," Laxus closed his eyes as he spoke.
"And that's bad because…"
"We got drunk, raided the mini-bar," Laxus confessed, and he saw Bickslow's brow furrow at the admission, but he didn't say anything. "We watched crap TV and then started talking. And he told me that his ex'd cheated on him, that's why they broke up, and that he's feeling crappy. And I was kinda buzzed, y'know, I kinda…"
"Kissed him?" Bickslow finished.
"Yeah, basically," Laxus sighed. "I mean I said some shit about how I would have treated him if I were him, and how he didn't deserve to get cheated on. Then I kissed him, and he kissed me back."
Bickslow seemed to be thinking, as his gaze went a little distant. This had always been something that Laxus had appreciated about the other man; even despite his hyper personality, he was actually quite a thoughtful person, and Laxus knew that he was thinking of the best thing to say. And any advice that he might have would probably be helpful, even if the feeling of waiting for him to say something was making Laxus feel sick.
"Right," Bickslow eventually said. "Well, kissing a guy while drunk isn't your best move, it's probably not your worst either. I mean if he kissed ya back then he's probably interested, and he's been stealing glances as much as you have. What happened after?"
"I pulled away, went back to my bed, turned my back on him and pretended I was asleep," Laxus muttered.
"Laxus," Bickslow snapped, and slapped his bicep.
"I ain't proud of it," Laxus tried to defend himself. "But it was just like, when I kissed him I got sober. Like someone poured cold water over me. And I realised that I barely know the guy, that he just got cheated on, and that the last thing he's gonna want is some random guy kissing him. and then being trapped with the same guy for days."
"You think maybe he might have had an opinion on that?" Bickslow asked incredulously.
"I panicked," Laxus groaned. "I was embarrassed. I felt like I took advantage of him or something. Shutting myself off seemed like the best thing to do."
"Well you're gonna have ta talk about it, baby," Bickslow said soothingly. "Because if you don't, you're gonna end up regretting it, and the rest of the trip is gonna be really fucking painful for us all. Especially the two of you."
"I know," Laxus sighed.
He glanced out of the window to see that Evergreen and Freed were talking outside, no doubt having a similar conversation, and Laxus deflated slightly. He would talk to the other man, because he really would regret it if he didn't. It had been quite some time since Laxus had felt like this with a man, and he knew better than to just throw the feeling away because of embarrassment, and that he shouldn't give up.
And when Freed happened to glance up, and they caught each other's eyes before both turning away, Laxus knew that he had to talk to him soon.
~~~
"It's erm," Bickslow began. "It's kinda breath-taking."
"It is," Evergreen said, and both Freed and Laxus nodded in agreement.
They had arrived at the Grand Canyon, and had been given the unhindered view of the landscape. They could see it all, and the cloudless blue sky only added to the majesty of the place. There was something oddly humbling about the view, as if it were putting everything into perspective for Laxus, and the blonde couldn't help but release that his embarrassment about the previous night was so utterly stupid that he physically cringed at himself.
He had turned his back on the man. Literally looked away from him because of his stupid decision to kiss him. He had acted like a damn kid in a crappy high school TV show. It all seemed so pathetic now, Laxus could barely handle it.
His gaze fell on Freed again.
God was he handsome.
"Well, we ain't getting any younger, so we better start walkin' if we wanna get around the place by the end of the day," Bickslow proclaimed. "Come on Freedo Justineo."
"Oh please don't start calling me that," Freed requested, and Laxus jolted at the sound of his voice.
"You and I are gonna forge ahead and leave those assholes in the dust," Bickslow grinned as he slung an arm over Freed's shoulder. "Because Ever is stupid and she decided to bring only heeled shoes to a damn canyon, and Laxus is a muscle head who doesn't have any stamina and he'll be exhausted by the time we're out of the parking lot. So off we go, into the pit."
Bickslow was marching off, essentially dragging Freed with him, before the man could make any real complaints. That left Laxus with Evergreen, who was looking at him expectantly. When he glanced down, he noticed she was wearing flat shoes.
"Those ain't heels," He commented.
"So you're not completely stupid," Evergreen said, a little harsher than Laxus liked.
"What's that tone for?" Laxus asked indignantly.
"You kissed him, didn't say anything for the rest of the night and then pretended to be asleep," She huffed, crossing her arms. "You even turned the damn lamp off. What were you thinking?"
"I was drunk," Laxus tried to explain.
"You've been drunk a lot of times around me and you've never been so stupid before," She chastised him, and Laxus had half a mind to walk off. He would have, had Evergreen not been right. "I get that you might have panicked, or that you even regretted it for some reason, but is that really the best thing you could think of doing. Just ignoring him isn't going to get rid of the problem, if anything it's going to put a massive focus on it because of how much effort you're putting into ignoring it."
"I know," Laxus groaned. "And I'm gonna talk to him about it. Gonna apologise to him."
"And say what exactly?" Evergreen asked.
Laxus hadn't actually thought of that. After speaking with Bickslow, the rest of the trip to the canyon had been spent convincing himself that he had the courage to speak to the man despite the bubble of nervous embarrassment that filled him when he so much as looked at him. He had been so focused on getting the courage to say anything to him, he had almost forgotten that what he said to him had to be meaningful and impactful.
Evergreen apparently saw the struggle Laxus was going through, and her posture changed to something less annoyed. She placed a hand on Laxus' arm in a comforting way, patting it softly. Laxus was glad she didn't seem angry at him anymore.
"What am I gonna say to him?" Laxus mused aloud.
"I don't know," Evergreen said carefully. "But I think that, before you start thinking about that, you need to be sure of what you actually want with Freed. If you wanna be friends with him, go out with him, never see him after the week ends. Because if you don't know that then talking about it isn't going to help anything."
Laxus knew that. He knew he had to know what he wanted. And he basically did know what he wanted. But he probably couldn't have that, because of one big problem.
"The guy was just cheated on-"
"I know," Evergreen interrupted. "But I'm not asking you what the gallant thing to do is. I'm asking you what you, Laxus Dreyar, want with Freed. What the ideal end to the week would be for you."
Laxus sighed to himself. "I'd wanna be with him, I guess. But I don't have a clue if he's ready or not-"
"That's his problem, Laxus," Evergreen assured him. "If he wants to start dating someone or he doesn't, that's nothing to do with you. But if he is ready, and I think that he might be, then you need to let him know you're interested. He's not broken, and he's not fragile. If anything he's pissed off, partly about being cheated on and partly because he knew exactly why you closed yourself off last night."
"You think?" Laxus asked, deflating.
"He's a smart guy, Laxus. Smartest one here," Evergreen shrugged. "Look, I'm not saying that you have to have a wedding planned out or anything, but I think it'll be good for you to think about what Freed might be for you. And now's as good a time as any to think, because as nice as this place is, walking around it is going to get very boring very quickly. So just take today, think about what you want, and think about how you're going to tell Freed about it. The rest is up to the two of you, okay?"
"Okay," Laxus nodded.
He already knew, in his gut, what he wanted from Freed. Now he just had to convince himself that it was the right thing for the both of them.
~~~
It was dark now, but they were still at the canyon. Multiple lights illuminated the landscape, and stars shimmered down on them all. Laxus looked at the RV with a small amount of trepidation, nerves bubbling in his stomach as he walked forward.
All day he'd been thinking about what Evergreen and Bickslow had spoken to him about. He'd thought about what he might want with Freed – if it could be something serious or casual, if it was just a crush he could get over or something bigger than that, if he could get past the embarrassment of the previous night and get over his pride to explain that sometimes, when it came to his emotions, he was a fucking idiot. His entire mind had been a mess of possibilities, and most of the day Laxus had felt almost sick.
And then an image stuck him, and image of a possible future. He thought about him and Freed, watching TV together in a similar way they had the night before. They were sharing a pizza, and when Freed leaned up and kissed him, Laxus had kissed back happily.
After that, more possibilities hit him. Each just as tempting as the last.
The two of them at the beach. Freed would have been reading for hours, and Laxus would have slung him over his shoulder and taken him to the water, making some joke about how he wanted the man's attention.
Or the first time it snowed in Magnolia one year. They might have gone to a Christmas market, eating the Russian food that was served and enjoying themselves.
Or a lazy breakfast together, eating in Laxus' kitchen side by side as they struggled to keep their eyes open.
It was then that Laxus had been left with no doubt, and all his questions had been answered. He didn't want something casual with Freed, he wanted a full and loving relationship. It wasn't just a crush, it was more akin to infatuation, and Laxus didn't care that he had only known the man for a short time. And he didn't give a damn about his pride because Freed was worth more than Laxus' dignity. And hopefully, if Freed knew that Laxus wasn't just an emotionally incompetent idiot, he might give him a chance to make his desires come true.
All he had to do was approach the man.
They had all decided that, after spending the day hiking, they would spend the night at the canyon's parking lot. As the night was still warm, Freed had chosen that he would read his novel outside. Well, that's what he claimed, what he actually meant was he was going to read on the rooftop of the RV. Taking a breath to steady himself, Laxus took the ladder in hand and climbed it.
"Hey," He greeted, and Freed looked towards him. "Mind if I join you?"
"By all means," Freed made a motion towards Laxus.
After stepping off the small ladder, Laxus shifted so that he was sitting beside Freed. If the man looked radiant in the sunlight, he looked positively gorgeous in the moonlight. The darker and cooler colours seemed to just accent everything that was perfect about the man. From his striking features to his slightly paler than normal skin, it all seemed to be just a little more beautiful in the moonlight. It made the conversation Laxus wanted to have both harder to start, and more important to have as soon as possible.
"Look, I just wanted to say, I'm sorry for what happened last night," Laxus began. "Not that I kissed ya. Well, kind of actually. Not that I'm sorry about kissing ya, more that I'm sorry I kissed ya in the way that I did. That's not what I'm trying to say. What I'm trying to say… what I need to say is…"
Laxus cussed himself silently. He had known what he had wanted to say, how come it was so hard to get the actual words out.
"I think what you need is a minute to gather your thoughts a little better," Freed said, a pleasant teasing tone in his voice.
"Yeah," Laxus nodded. "Sorry, I thought that I knew what I was gonna say. Turns out I don't."
Freed chuckled, placing the book down and turning so he was looking at Laxus face on, sitting cross legged with a patient expression on his face. Laxus wasn't entirely sure that he had earned such an expression, given how he had treated Freed the night before, but Evergreen had insisted that Freed understood his actions and wasn't angry at him. Well, nothing that he couldn't fix if he acted quickly at least.
"Okay, what I meant to say was, I'm sorry I kissed you in the way I did last night," Laxus began after thinking for a moment. "We were both drunk, and my judgment wasn't great. You had just been pretty emotionally vulnerable with me, and for some fucking reason I thought it was the right time to try and kiss you. And I'm sorry about that."
"You don't need to-"
"I do," Laxus cut him off, making eye contact with him. "Look, I ain't good with feelings and crap. I normally get panicked and awkward, and I apparently sometimes do stupid stuff like this. And the only reason I can get away with it is because people call me out on my bullshit. You seem like the kinda guy who can do that, so don't be kind when you don't need to."
"Asking me not to show restraint can be a dangerous thing, Laxus," Freed said with a chuckle in his tone. "But I understand that. I have a habit of closing myself off and not discussing things. Bickslow's words, not mine."
"They been givin' you the third degree today too?" Laxus asked.
"They're annoyingly good at it, aren't they?" Freed laughed, before smiling at Laxus pleasantly. "I do forgive you, Laxus. Admittedly, ignoring each other isn't what I would have wanted the end of our first kiss to be, but I can't deny I've done idiotic things when overwhelmed. And I understand it, so don't worry yourself about it."
"Thanks," Laxus nodded a little.
He looked towards the other man, and felt something of an ache in his stomach. The fact Freed could forgive him in such an understanding way made Laxus feel warm inside in a way he couldn't describe. In Laxus' past attempts at relationships, often his clumsy attempts at understanding and dealing with his emotions had left to arguments. Rightfully so, Laxus knew that in hindsight. But the fact that Freed was willing to understand that it hadn't been malicious was something of a comfort that Laxus couldn't help but crave more of.
"There's a little more," Laxus confessed. "It's erm, well, the reason I acted like I did after I kissed you is that, well, I didn't just feel like I'm taking advantage of you. It felt like I kinda, I dunno, wasted my first kiss with ya," Laxus blushed, and averted his gaze. "I don't… the kiss wasn't just a drunk impulse. It's erm… it's something I wanted to do while sober but didn't have the balls."
God, he really needed to get better at talking.
"And the fact I kissed ya at such a bad time, kinda scared me. Because if I was thinking I'm a dickhead for kissing you at that time, I thought you'd think the same and-"
Freed interrupted Laxus' ramblings by leaning over, cupping Laxus' chin with his thumb and finger, and bringing his closer. Laxus' eyes widened, and a moment later he was being kissed.
It was magical.
Laxus' memory of their drunken kiss was hazy at best, and was overshadowed by the regret and embarrassment. But in this moment, he felt engrossed by Freed. As if the two of them were the only people of importance, and he was almost overwhelmed by the sensation of Freed. The movement of Freed's lips against his chapped ones, the calloused hand on his thigh Freed was using to keep balance, the sight of the man's eyes closing softly in a fluttering motion.
At the movement, Laxus closed his own eyes and allowed himself to be dragged further into the lure of Freed's kiss. It was perfect.
When they eventually pulled apart, they both were a little breathless. They kept their faces only an inch apart, and Laxus was blushing slightly. He had kissed Freed while sober. Freed, the man who had captured Laxus' attention and seemed reluctant to let it go, had just kissed him. And it had been perfect.
"Does this mean that-" Laxus began, but Freed shushed him with a smile.
"We can discuss things after the trip is done," Freed promised. "Right now, I think we've earned the right to enjoy each other."
Freed was kissing him before he could argue. Not that he would have anyway.
17 notes · View notes
alines7777 · 4 years ago
Text
right now i'd like to talk about kankri from homestuck
people talk about him like he's the absolute worst piece of shit who ever lived, and that his intentions must be less than admirable, especially karkat, and people take karkat's word for it because we like karkat — but here's the thing, that wouldn't be the first time that katkat's been wrong about someone he hardly knew.
Tumblr media
( image artist : @n0pies )
but first, i'd like to provide a little context from the text of homestuck about the planet alternia/beforus
alternia and beforus and their rulers
starting with alternia, troll society engages in a practice known as "culling", in which disabled and 'mutant-blooded' trolls are slated for extermination, as per the condesce's will for trolls to become stronger through violent division, as was meenah's intent in trying sew division among her fellow players in sgrub by starting trouble.
but culling means death, so naturally, every troll on alternia dreads the thought of being culled, so feferi, the heiress to the throne, has an idea, "why don't we simply change what it means to be culled?", she even tries to get practice in her new form of culling by rounding up wild cuttlefish to live under her custody in her abode, yet when the text brings that up, it even says that they don't need to be in her care, but she takes them in anyway, which shows her disregard for the independence and autonomy of other beings. that was a roleplay scenario — her rulership over beforus was this idea put into action.
on beforus, troll society engages in a practice known as "culling", in which disabled and 'mutant-blooded' trolls are slated to be placed in the custody of trolls of higher blood and be coddled, as per the empress's will for trolls to live in comfort through disparaging unity. text on feferi and recounting on the part of aranea basically confirm it, beforus is quite plainly coddle country.
but culling means indefinite tutelage, so naturally, every troll on beforus dreads the thought of being culled.
the intentions of both meenah and feferi for trolls to be strong and well off respectively are all well and good, but the methods of both are all wrong.
the knight of blood
fortunately, there is a lot of canonical text providing exhaustive documentation and insight into karkat's background.
we know that his predecessor, the signless, encountered a troll of higher blood who took pity on him upon his emergence from the brooding caverns, where if that hadn't happened he would have been alternian-culled. we know that he advocated the abolition of culling and the bloodcaste system. we know that his followers took it upon themselves to create a sign and breed a lusus for his successor, in order to prevent his successor's alternian-culling, and we know that karkat was highly secretive about the color of his blood to avoid being alternian-culled, and also to avoid being pitied. we know that this was all tailored specifically so karkat might live to enter his session.
we also know that the signless and kankri are virtually one and the same.
the seer of blood
unfortunately, there is virtually no canonical text regarding kankri's background. if it existed, surely many would be as sympathetic toward him as they are toward karkat, even in spite of karkat's conduct. but thanks to canonical text into the signless and karkat, and the method of cross-reference, we can make a highly educated guess.
starting with karkat's beforan counterpart, we might say that he, like karkat, was secretive about the color of his blood so as to avoid being beforan-culled, which is virtually one and the same as being pitied, assuming he wasn't beforan-culled or maybe he found the friendship of someone who didn't and wouldn't particularly hate or pity him. (perhaps the beforan counterpart to sollux or vriska? who knows?)
either way, nobody is killed on account of beforan-culling, "besides, we're only taking care of him because we already know he can't take care of himself, so what's the harm?", nobody would feel any compelling need to create a sign or breed any lusus for a mutant-blooded successor, after all the intent would be to coddle him, to treat him as an invalid or perhaps even as a pet, so he would live to enter his session regardless.
now onto kankri himself, knowing the story of the signless, it would probably be fair to estimate that he would meet a higher-blooded troll who would pity him for having no corresponding sign or lusus, thus he might have been slated for beforan-culling.
i'm not saying with certainty that kankri was beforan-culled, what i'm saying is that it would make sense. i mean, we might also in some sense regard the death of the signless as alternian-culling.
what also makes it make sense is how kankri reacts to the way he is regarded by porrim. when she reaches to wipe his face, he becomes upset, when she calls him "kanny", he becomes upset, and voices that he'd rather be called "the insufferable" than be addressed as a "wiggler".
i mean, he's probably taking porrim's pale feelings toward him the wrong way, and there are probably better ways for porrim to express them, but it's almost as if kankri knows that he doesn't need her pity and doesn't want her pity, and to be clear, the operant emotion behind moirallegiance is pity. and he probably also takes her regard toward him as an attempt on her part to coddle him, which he clearly doesn't like, he is perhaps no stranger to being coddled, or he at least understands the concept and why it should strike him as offensive, and yes, dreadful.
kankri wants to be regarded as independent and autonomous, and he at least makes it convincing that he wants the same for others, so, like his alternian counterpart, kankri advocates for the abolition of culling and the bloodcaste system.
so if we want to regard the intentions of the signless as genuine and noble, then we ought to insist on kankri being treated with the same amount of good faith. they're the same person, with the exact same set of fundamental principles and ultimate goals, the only difference is the circumstances behind their reasoning.
yea, kankri was a total hypocritical dick in the way he spoke to mituna, in belittling mituna's legitimate need for headgear in retaining his autonomy, yet as kankri might rightfully fear, headgear could be construed by beforan bluebloods as a reason that's as good as any other to engage in beforan-culling, because, "he's so helpless, if he weren't then why is he wearing a helmet?", and then they might decide that all trolls who wear helmets for whatever reason might be slated for culling. but yea, that doesn't excuse kankri's conduct, besides, they're all dead anyway, so nobody is going to get culled, get a grip, kankri.
but karkat routinely antagonizes his friends, even while bearing remorse over having previously antagonized his friends, so he knows it's wrong and yet he still does that, and then he dodges culpability by compartmentalizing his actions as being the actions of his "past self" and not actually as his own actions, or did we somehow manage to forget that?
and then karkat talks a mountain of shit about kankri behind his back as kankri happily abides a seemingly pointless and arbitrary request from a friend whom he doesn't regard as disciplined or interested in his beliefs, a request that was intended as a ploy to trick him.
yea, in some ways, kankri is worse than karkat, but in some other ways, i also think he's far better as a person.
seriously, if we think kankri is the negative stereotype of 'sjw' tumblr, well, then i frankly think that his portrayal might in some sense be doing us too much honor.
yet for some reason, we are duped into hating his doctrines praising autonomy and condemning mollycoddling tutelage and genocide, doctrines that we all should cherish in principle, but we throw him out because he is shown as not very well-liked, even though we aren't very well-liked either. so whatever.
"but he talks too much"
that's already known to be a very typical tendency for seers and blood players, so why shouldn't it be doubly so for a seer of blood?
seriously, don't act surprised.
o, one other thing
with this shit of alternian-culling being about killing and beforan-culling being about mollycoddling, i guess we could say the two troll planets correspond to the troll emotions of hate and pity respectively.
so if karkat was inauspiciously encouraged by alternian culture to hate himself, then it seems fairly likely that kankri was encouraged by beforan culture to pity himself, especially if he were culled.
on alternia, if it's, "you were born with mutant blood, and everyone hates you, so why haven't you died yet, you sorry waste of space?", then on beforus (let me reiterate that it doesn't seem very likely to me that kankri had a lusus or a sign to his name, and if that's the case, it would merely have been difficult for him to go on without being discovered and beforan-culled, instead of impossible), it might've been, "you were born with mutant blood, and you don't have a sign or a lusus. how would you even be able to take care of yourself? if you could then why doesn't anyone believe it? it's so sad that everyone else thinks you need someone else to care for you, it's sad, you poor little thing."
if alternia instills hate, then we can be sure that beforus instills pity. if alternia taught karkat to self-hate, then why wouldn't beforus teach kankri to self-pity? (even assuming he wasn't culled, the threat of losing his autonomy and independence by being extensively mollycoddled constantly loomed over his shoulder.)
we all know that karkat made himself out as an asshole because he desperately wanted to find someone more deserving of his own hate than himself, so i think kankri makes himself out as an asshole the way he does because he hopes to find someone, really anyone, who would be more deserving of his own pity than himself.
so yea, i don't think it's fair on any account to talk shit about kankri, that is unless we also want to talk excessive levels of shit about karkat, which i don't
14 notes · View notes
punkscowardschampions · 4 years ago
Text
James & Ava
James: [so obviously all through this party whenever we can we're saying thanks/love you/sorry etc at relevant points via little touches but there hasn't been much time with all the kid chaos & we gotta use our words now] James: Thank you Ava: Don't mention it, I had a good time Ava: think the girls did too 😌 James: because of you James: which is why I had to mention it Ava: It's okay, making cupcakes and crafts was bound to be more fun than my history essay Ava: easy choice, really Ava: how are you now? apart from exhausted James: still astonished that Teddy helped to clear up, even though your cousin did most of it Ava: it's amazing what a boy will do to keep a girl happy, right James: whatever you're hinting at, I'll do it Ava: 😱 do you think I'm that sort of girl?! 😂 James: I don't think I'm exhausted enough to fall into the trap of such a clearly trick question Ava: Then maybe you didn't party/clean hard enough 🤔 James: I'll happily send you evidence of me scrubbing the bath until it's less blue if you like James: but somehow I doubt that is what you're contemplating Ava: An interesting proposition Ava: but who decided baths had to be white anyway Ava: I say keep it James: hopefully whoever rents this place after we've gone will agree with you Ava: I'll bring 'round the spare bicarb, that'll work James: there'll be some in the cupboard, from all the baking recipes Jay's school sends insisting she needs it Ava: I guess I'll have to think of another excuse to come see you soon then James: wanting to is enough Ava: I'd have to be a fool to not want that James: though after today, less so James: I'm very sorry about my family Ava: They aren't your fault James: nevertheless James: & speaking of excuses, my sister told me she's pregnant again as one for her behaviour before I could properly challenge her for it Ava: Oh that's a shame, I could have implied she was just fat by asking Ava: but no, really Ava: I can handle it, it's not as if my family are particularly supportive about us either James: you'll have other chances before her official announcement, I'm sure Ava: not my style Ava: it'll be nice, for the girls to have more cousins their age James: but to hear her speak, there's already a very distinct possibility that this child has surpassed every single one of their age appropriate milestones whilst in utero Ava: 🙄 Ava: if anything that just means more pain on the way out, no Ava: not that underdone is the preference but you know James: she'll have scheduled the caesarean the moment there was evidence of a pink line Ava: guess she's confident in her ab-building post-baby workout then James: confidence has never been lacking as far as she's concerned Ava: I can tell Ava: like your dad, like you said James: yes Ava: I'm sorry Ava: that they tried to...whatever they were attempting to do, or if it was even intentional behaviour Ava: but I think the party still went well where it mattered James: there isn't a single thing for you to apologise for James: it did go well Ava: I'm not trying to add more tension or friction to proceedings when it already comes so naturally James: you didn't, in fact, by being there you managed to diffuse it James: I would have been a lot more stressed had you not been Ava: Good Ava: and she didn't show up Ava: so what more could we ask for James: my parents & sister following suit perhaps James: but that won't be much to ask once we move further than a stone's throw out of their shadow Ava: leaving the postcode for less than Monaco? Ava: unlikely Ava: I keep looking at places Ava: everything goes so fast, it's crazy, by the time I go to send the link, it's gone James: I've secured a viewing after work for the day after tomorrow, if you're free you're more than welcome to come James: [sends her a link] Ava: Wow, that's so exciting Ava: are you excited James: I'm cautiously optimistic Ava: That's such a you way to put it 😊 James: oh is it? Ava: Yes Ava: I like it James: I like that you're unabashed in your excitement Ava: You deserve exciting things to be happening Ava: there's nothing better than a new place for a fresh start James: if it were that simple, I'd agree with you that nothing could be better Ava: No, I know Ava: new floors and four walls doesn't fix everything Ava: but it is something you CAN do Ava: along with all the things you already are, and continue to do James: I want you to be right, but I can't help but feel that it's just a new location to hide in, because of all the things I can't change Ava: You aren't the one that ran away Ava: and no one can say that Ava: but you're better, even without the comparison to her which leaves you looking practically saint-like James: only because there is no amount of distance I can put between your brother & I which would alter the facts or the future as it is shaping up to be Ava: he's being so Ava: stubborn and stupid James: all day my thoughts kept circling back to the idea that this time next year everything could be different James: she might not be here James: I don't know what to do Ava: That won't happen Ava: we won't let it James: you wanting it to be a promise you can make or me wanting what you're saying to be true might not be enough James: I know how stubborn he is Ava: that doesn't mean that he can make a judge agree with him Ava: neither does the fact he's training to do as much Ava: you've raised her, you're her dad James: that alone doesn't mean I can guarantee anything either James: while raising her I've made a lot of mistakes Ava: no Ava: not nowhere near enough or the type that warrants anyone taking her away James: you didn't know me before rehab Ava: neither did my brother Ava: who's he going to call as a character witness, Chloe? James: he did, but I'll admit that the past is less of a pressing concern right now compared to the struggle of the present James: & the ease of getting wasted Ava: Hardly Ava: what kind of friend was he by that point Ava: he didn't tell you that Chloe had told him he was the father before you, did he? Ava: he has no room to judge, on any level Ava: he still does worse James: regardless, I can't blame him for judging me James: because I don't think there's worse than the things I consider doing whenever there's the briefest moment such as this, when they're asleep James: recovery is constant & truly exhausting Ava: Maybe you can't, but I can Ava: exactly Ava: it shows strength of character Ava: I'm just saying, if he takes it there, which, I'd hope not but no, I can't even pretend to promise that right now Ava: he can't be throwing around those sort of accusations like he's got nothing that would look worse under scrutiny James: it's a weakness of character James: & I don't want my flaws to extend to driving any kind of wedge between you & your brother James: or to have to expose any of his, irrespective of what they are James: being free of her finally means I no longer have to play any of those games Ava: admitting and dealing with it isn't Ava: I know Ava: it's horrible to think about, especially when it is so soon after she left, and how that has barely registered Ava: but if you have to, you'll do whatever you need to, right Ava: I mean, as long as it doesn't hurt her, then you have to James: I don't want to do anything that hurts you either Ava: It's not about me though James: he's your brother Ava: That doesn't mean I'm going to endorse his bad choices Ava: not for an easy life Ava: and not at the expense of yours, or Jay's, of course James: they aren't choices any of us should have to make Ava: no, we shouldn't Ava: but he has to be on board with that too Ava: he can't rush and force what he thinks he wants, without any regard for the rest Ava: just because the whole situation was fucked from the start James: he wants to meet her, I keep saying no Ava: Have you told her anything yet? Ava: Not saying 'yet' like you need to or there's a timescale here, you know what I'm trying to ask James: if there were a right time, it wouldn't be now James: she's coping well with her mother's absence but she's nevertheless having to cope James: I'm not going to give her something else to contend with until circumstances change, whether that's because of your brother or a more positive development Ava: Totally Ava: it's a lot already Ava: he should be thinking the same way James: he seems to, when we speak about it James: I can't blame him for wanting to get to know her though James: clearly that's my dad bias but anyone who doesn't is missing out Ava: she's a good kid James: you're good with her & for her James: I can't remember the last time she was as happy as she's been over the last few days Ava: that makes me happy too James: oh good, because I haven't yet asked how you are James: I'm sorry Ava: don't be James: it's important James: my family believes I see you as an unpaid problem solver & I have no desire to prove them right to any degree Ava: you know that I know that that's not how it is though Ava: I understand, you've got way too much going on in your head right now to be too concerned with the pleasantries Ava: I can do without James: just because you can doesn't mean you should James: this matters to me, you, us James: we're not an us if it's just me using you as a sounding board Ava: You don't Ava: and I know it matters because you wouldn't trust me with any of this if it didn't Ava: you've been there for me whenever I've needed you too, my problems are just smaller scale, on the whole Ava: doesn't make it one-sided James: okay James: as long as you know Ava: I promise Ava: I wouldn't hate some alone time with you soon though James: how soon can you do? Ava: I have to go to Dublin this weekend Ava: but Thursday I don't have any afternoon lessons, so if you could do something then? James: I'll pick you up James: if necessary I'll do extra work when you're in Dublin Ava: you're so lovely James: no, I missed you the second you left, that's all Ava: I missed you too Ava: not being able to talk properly Ava: I hate that about parties James: me too James: but you were a vision in your party outfit Ava: you think so? Ava: you can be a monster again any time you like 😋 James: yes, I very much think so James: you looked beautiful Ava: you'll make me blush James: I hope so, despite not being there to see it Ava: in terms of photographic evidence, definitely more fun than the clean bath James: unless I were in it, alas I'm not sure I'd fit Ava: Oh babe that's so sad Ava: the world doesn't cater to people your size, how rude 🥺 James: I'll try if you promise to drop whatever you're doing & help free me should the unthinkable occur James: & thankfully hotels do, so I won't have to see that face on Thursday Ava: Of course Ava: we have to protect your modesty and decency at all costs 🤭 Ava: hotel, you say? James: yes, that way we'll both fit James: without any kind of farce or firefighters getting involved Ava: I did say alone time Ava: no 🚓 🚑 🚒 allowed James: not in this chapter, I promise James: it's not that kind of book Ava: It doesn't have to be tasteful Ava: I don't think the readers will mind James: I'll bear that in mind Ava: Please do James: while I've got things under consideration, would you like to stay over? James: I can arrange taking you to school on Friday morning Ava: Um, yes Ava: of course James: okay, I'll ask Diana to watch the girls James: after today it's the least she can do Ava: Is she usually better when I'm not there? James: no James: she'll happily find a grievance with whoever is Ava: well, at least it isn't personal Ava: don't know if that's worse, actually James: plenty were tailored to you personally if that makes you feel any better Ava: it's understandable, I suppose Ava: if I was who they thought I was James: my ex wife was everything they thought she was & it did nothing to help me Ava: yeah James: I have my opinions on my sister's husband & I keep them to myself Ava: he wasn't there, was he? James: there's a slim chance you'll be able to meet him at her baby shower, but he wasn't at the last one Ava: I'm sure the chances I'll be invited are even slimmer Ava: sounds delightful though James: oh she'll invite you, if only to show you how a party should be thrown Ava: 😏 Ava: it's a good thing I already know baby shower etiquette then Ava: been to enough James: you'll have to teach me what it is Ava: Very modern of her to want any men there Ava: usually they object on the fact of it being 'women's business' and it's like a hen party with no alcohol James: Matilda's & Jay's were both like that Ava: Yeah, I can see that James: there was obviously champagne though James: I assumed that was why I wasn't invited Ava: Oh yeah, the other guests can get hammered Ava: and the mum has to lowkey cry about it the whole time, but all the gifts and attention you get should really make up for it Ava: they're weird, honestly, another excuse for all of the above James: the horrific flashbacks of said crying & attention have returned to me, thank you for that Ava: 😬 Ava: you can have a baby shower now if you would like Ava: I'll look up all the ridiculous games Ava: you earnt it James: you're the one who has earned anything you'd like James: there wouldn't have even been a party today if not for all the work you put in Ava: all I like is being with you Ava: it was worth it James: you know I don't want you to leave, it upsets me that you're not here now Ava: Same Ava: I wish I could be James: did you finish your homework? Ava: not quite, my parents wanted to talk to me for ages Ava: which really goes against their concerns being my schoolwork but there we go James: well, I'm very concerned about your schoolwork & ensuring you don't have to go to Kings after all, so if there's anything I can do to help Ava: I'll tell them Ava: that will no doubt but their mind at ease Ava: it's not even that hard, I'm just lacking motivation James: of course James: I went there too, none of the work was ever that hard Ava: they'd like you to believe the oxbridge admissions day others but Ava: we know the truth James: I'd like to know what would motivate you Ava: Well Ava: maybe we could do lunch or something before Thursday Ava: that is forever away James: it certainly does feel like it Ava: or we can walk Frank or I'll come 'round for dinner Ava: just say I can see you before then and I'll get it done James: we can do every single one of those things once you have Ava: 😍 Ava: Okay, I'll do it Ava: as you're so inspirational James: as we've discussed, I don't want things to be one sided James: & you're the most encouraging person I've ever met James: I've never found someone to be this stimulating before, it's a remarkably unfair contest for my capabilities James: thus I'm motivated to keep motivating you Ava: I love being with you so much James Ava: I can't wait for your life to be exactly what you want it Ava: it is going to happen, I'm so sure of it James: before you I didn't even know how my life could hypothetically be bearable, never mind thinking about how I may have wanted it in its ideal James: you build character, Ava James: I love you so much, but also I can stand who I am now, with you Ava: you're doing all the work though Ava: to totally restart, that's amazing you know Ava: and I love you too James: because you prompted it Ava: as long as you're taking your credit too, I can deal with that James: I need you to know that I couldn't do this without you, back then or now James: & how much I appreciate you is in line with that Ava: Good thing you've got me Ava: and good thing that's what we both want Ava: everything else we can work out together James: it's the most perfect thing James: hence I'm still working out how to do any of it justice with a novel Ava: Words are your speciality Ava: even if it takes a lifetime, that's time we have James: & if nothing else it puts your current writer's block into perspective James: you definitely won't be forced to do homework forever Ava: 😅 very true James: because of course my struggle is consistently greater than yours, darling James: there's a long line of people waiting to tell us, lest we forget Ava: but of course Ava: only have to worry about when my next assignment is due and how to wear my hair, thank god 💁 James: thank god Jay didn't insist you turn yours blue as well James: getting you sent home for violating the dress code wouldn't endear your parents to me Ava: I don't think I'd look anywhere as near as cool Ava: talk about a real party faux pas James: as far as she's concerned you're incapable of committing one, or any wrong at all Ava: no pressure 😅 Ava: she's so cute Ava: and funny James: she wants to get her hair cut next, as long as you say you like it when I eventually take her, you'll continue to be her favourite person Ava: Ooh, that's a big one Ava: how is dad feeling about it? James: hypothetically less hair to fight to get a brush through sounds like a fantastic idea James: but actually, I don't know Ava: she'll love it Ava: you will too Ava: though it'll be a total shock James: I'll be the sentimental fool, frantically trying to catch a lock to keep before it hits the floor, undoubtedly Ava: 🥺 You're adorable Ava: at least Mattie has a way to before her first haircut, a reprieve for you James: it'll make her happy, that's what I should focus on, I know Ava: you're still allowed to feel a type of way about it Ava: that's what dads are for James: mine isn't the demonstrative type, unless disappointment is what he wishes to convey, but yes James: I don't look to him for parenting advice Ava: You're already better Ava: and that can be a comfort now, instead of how he is being detrimental to you James: thank you James: all I ask is that you don't also decide to change how you wear your hair in the near future please, there are only so many changes I can endure regardless of whether they're positive or negative Ava: Okay, I can promise that Ava: just for you James: well in that case, just for you, I'll ignore the weather forecast & walk Frank tomorrow Ava: 😁 Ava: I wish you could come to Dublin too Ava: we'll be having bonfire night James: one day, I can promise that Ava: I know, it's too soon Ava: I'll buy sparklers, when I get back James: I look forward to it Ava: I won't bring back a jacket potato even though they're so much better off the fire James: true, I remember it being one of the main merits of scouts Ava: you were a scout? 😊 James: yes James: I did my D of E as well Ava: That tracks Ava: you're always prepared James: I don't know about that Ava: Are you suggesting that the D of E was in fact a massive waste of time? 🤔😱 James: I'm not suggesting anything until they approach me with whatever package they deem appropriate in order to secure a glowing endorsement James: King's have certainly benefited from having me on side, in spite of losing you to more worthy rivals Ava: Smart 😏 Ava: You did almost convince me, and in a way, you still did, just not to their benefit James: I can't in good conscience take credit for the persuasive charm of The Vault James: or pretend as though I wasn't the one being utterly convinced by you Ava: Of course, those dizzying highs are unparalleled and cannot be replicated anywhere else Ava: and just as obvious is my conniving seduction of you, as pointed out with pointed looks and silences James: it is a relief to hear that high school wasn't in fact my peak, I'll make sure to really emphasise my superiority in the book's acknowledgements Ava: If you thought it was possible to peak in that school, I'd have no interest in gold-digging you, would I James: nobody is professing that you're good at it, darling James: you'd have been more likely to target my father's bad marriage if so Ava: I'm so sad for myself Ava: tragically bad at it, really James: unfortunately we can't both be figures of pity & I've already been typecast in said role Ava: I'll have to get better at it and be more worthy of scorn James: regardless, there's very little chance they'll improve enough to be worthy of where they've put themselves James: though the mock trial is a kind consideration given that your brother is vying to put me before a real one, I suppose Ava: Thank God they don't know James: my father has already baulked at the idea of us moving, if I have to go to him cap in hand to pay for lawyers James: I dread to think Ava: I still hope they never need to be told Ava: maybe that's foolish at this point but James: if it is, it's a folie à deux James: but once I tell Jay I can hardly swear her to secrecy James: & she does need to be told, my delusion isn't that far reaching Ava: No, true Ava: kids are bad with secrets Ava: and obviously, not the kind of thing to encourage anyway Ava: they won't treat her differently at least, right? Ava: as long as they can keep their talking about it out of her earshot too, I feel that's the best we can hope for James: I'd love to say no, of course they wouldn't Ava: I didn't want to be the one to suggest it Ava: even if slagging off your family might seem like the appropriate course of action right now, not that bitch either James: there's very little you could suggest that my imagination hasn't beaten you to Ava: I know darling Ava: I'm sorry James: I try to console myself with the knowledge that there's a degree of inevitability anyway, look how differently I am treated, without any question of being his flesh & blood James: my family have & always will have their favourites, set in & as immovable as stone Ava: and she does have Chloe's parents, who clearly adore both girls Ava: I only have one set of grandparents Ava: you're right, they're going to act however they choose to act, and they can blame it on what they like but as long as Jay knows it isn't her fault and she is loved by lots of people, then that should be enough, and I'm sure it will be Ava: you've found happiness despite them James: & she will too, I'll make sure of that James: do your parents know? Ava: Yes Ava: he told them at the time, as well Ava: so they were less shocked but obviously still James: I definitely won't be welcome at the bonfire then Ava: It's not your fault Ava: they can't blame you James: it wasn't the first time I'd heard it said that I wasn't her dad either, I could've done something when it was Ava: She's the only one that knew the actual truth Ava: the only one that could say or do anything for definite James: I didn't want to know, that's my fault Ava: Neither did my brother James: we're as bad as each other Ava: It's more complicated than that James: it won't be to Jay Ava: I don't think Jay is going to understand it like that James: what I mean is, all of this should & could've been sorted out a lot sooner Ava: Maybe Ava: but none of you can go back James: no, we can't Ava: All either of you can do is go from here Ava: God knows what Chloe's next move will be James: as yet she isn't making any James: there wasn't even a card Ava: It's insane Ava: it's like she's dead Ava: playing dead, anyway James: that would be preferable James: at least I'd know what to say to Jay if she were Ava: It's so unfair Ava: that she thinks she gets to do this Ava: that she owes them nothing James: she does get to, neither I nor her parents can stop her Ava: If her parents know where she is though Ava: they could take the kids to her Ava: but then, I suppose all that would result in would be trauma for them Ava: for fuck's sake James: precisely, I can't blame them for being terrified of the scene they'd stumble into Ava: the parent that stays always get shit on Ava: it's not right, this is her mess and she's doing nothing to fix it James: I'll gladly fix it for their sakes, that is what's right James: they've been through enough with her Ava: and you'll do a better job than she ever could Ava: it's just frustrating Ava: but I know you know that more than me, and do not need telling remotely just Ava: I feel angry on all your behalves right now James: you don't know what it means to me, how much you care, even if it is distressing & distracting for you right now Ava: I know you want the best for me Ava: but in the grand scheme of things, me fluffing one essay is not actually the big deal any of my family would like to make it so we don't have to have a bigger conversation Ava: this is important, you are James: an assignment isn't the issue, it's that everyone believes you're consistently putting my importance above yours James: & maybe if it's that glaring to all but me they have a point & I am asking too much of you James: leaning on you too hard through this Ava: No, they don't want to see it, because this whole thing, us, makes them uncomfortable Ava: it'd be my business if I did anyway, every person in a relationship I know does that Ava: but it isn't at the cost of me and my importance anyway James: okay Ava: I promise, James James: I'm doing my best Ava: You're doing amazing James: it doesn't feel that way Ava: no Ava: but the girls are gonna grow up happy, and then it'll be worth it James: are they? Ava: Yes James: I want to believe that Ava: You'll get to see Ava: that doubt, of whether you're fucking it all up, is just part and parcel isn't it Ava: but things will get easier too, day to day like James: whether I fuck it all up again you mean, because I actually have for so long Ava: but you're fixing it Ava: that's what really counts James: but it doesn't erase my past mistakes, they count as well James: every slight against Chloé is also one against me because I stood by & let them happen James: I knew where she was, where she could plausibly still be James: & here I am, continuing to do nothing Ava: at the end of the day though Ava: all anyone really wants from their parents is love Ava: knowing that you love and care about and for them, put in that work, that's what counts Ava: she isn't good for them right now, clearly Ava: maybe she does get to just walk away, regardless of it being unfair James: you're right, clearly James: I'm sorry, it's been a really long day Ava: It really has Ava: what are you doing to wind down? James: I don't know James: what do you suggest? Ava: Depends Ava: you could try to fit in your blue bath Ava: cook yourself your favourite food Ava: we could watch a movie or some really mindless trash TV James: Beautiful Creatures or Beastly are supposedly a must for Twilight fans James: if you've seen those, there's also The Mortal Instruments but I'm not sure how many of those books got made into films James: it feels unwise to risk getting invested in a neverending cliffhanger Ava: I think they made that one into a bad TV series too, after the films bombed Ava: could be an exercise in how not to do it Ava: as well as relaxing James: really? James: well that's settled Ava: I bet it has such a sub-par soundtrack too James: compared to what we're used to, what wouldn't be? Ava: Precisely Ava: after the day we've had, can't be dealing with that level of excitement James: enough that I don't immediately fall asleep after pressing play will be fine Ava: I'll fill you in on the travesties if you do James: no, after the day we've had, I want to spend time with you Ava: I love you James: I love you too
1 note · View note
dekudynamight · 6 years ago
Text
Tumblr media
Title: Worth Waiting For part 6
Rating: E
Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Jon Kortajarena, Sebastian Stan x Chris Evans
Word Count: 2.7k
Summary: Sebastian makes his confession to Jon, and it doesn't go as expected.
A/N: Aaaahhhhh thank you guys so much for the amazing response to this fic thus far! You're all amazing and I love all of you and I hope you like this 😃I'm excited for the next chapter after this one and have it started already so stay tuned! 💙
For the next three days, Sebastian went through the motions of life under the weight of his crushing guilt, and he kept it all to himself. He talked to Jon daily as usual and did his best to hide it, doing a damn good job and blaming what little Jon did notice on being tired. He wasn't a great liar but all he was trying to do was hide it until he could confess in person. There was no way he was going to just move on with life like his kiss with Chris had never happened - it would eat him up inside until he couldn't take it anymore.
So he sucked it up and carried on, boarding his plane to London at the end of those three days and spending the entire flight rehearsing his planned speech in his head. He agonized over it, hoping to God that Jon would at least listen and let him say everything that he needed to, but if he threw him out and sent him back to New York Seb wouldn't blame him. He was prepared for all possibilities, but he hoped it wouldn't prove as terrible as he feared.
When he arrived Jon was there to greet him, having just wrapped up a day on set of a movie he'd landed a small but compelling role in. He pulled Sebastian into a hug and kiss and Sebastian suspected a few people snapped pics of their reunion but he didn't care. He put on a brave face and smiled as Jon led him and his luggage to a car that drove them just a few minutes across town to Jon's hotel, and Sebastian was relieved that they'd be alone soon. If he didn't get what he'd done off his chest soon, he was sure that he'd simply just explode.
They had just gotten inside Jon's room and had the door shut behind them when Jon took his luggage from Seb and set it aside, wasting no time in invading his space with a sweet, warm smile and reaching to cup his face with a lowly whispered, "I've missed you, mi vida."
Then he kissed Sebastian with all the pent up love and passion he'd been reining in for three weeks, and Sebastian could feel it in his very soul. It broke his heart and made him feel whole again all at once, a barrage of confusing and overwhelming emotions making him forget about the confession he'd been so eager to give. He melted against Jon and fell into the kiss, having missed the man so much that it was easier than breathing to be pulled back in by him so quickly.
Sebastian didn't snap out of it until Jon started tugging his jacket off, their kisses turning hungry and scorched until Sebastian broke away with a heavy breath. Hands on Jon's chest putting some distance between them he whispered, "Wait, wait."
"Why?" Jon murmured, trailing his lips to Sebastian's neck and making his eyes roll shut.
"Jon, please, I mean it," Sebastian forced out, and Jon pulled away in an instant.
"What's wrong?" Jon asked, surprise and concern etched on his features as he looked Sebastian over.
Sebastian took a deep breath and felt his stomach drop, dread and fear filling him now that the moment had arrived at last and he'd rejected his only way out of it. He clenched his jaw and dropped his eyes, trying to remember the speech he'd planned but now that the time had come... it was all gone. Suddenly nothing felt like the right thing to say and he wished that he could just disappear.
"Sebastian," Jon said quietly, reaching up and touching his cheek. "Are you all right?"
"No," Sebastian admitted, taking his hand and pulling it away. He forced himself to look Jon in the eye and muttered, "I... I don't know how to say it. I fucked up."
Jon furrowed his brows slightly. "What do you mean?"
Sebastian took another breath, feeling ill and terrified but giving himself no choice but to come out with it. "Couple nights ago, um... Chris, he... he showed up drunk at my door. It was late and I was stupid and I let him in and I know that I shouldn't have, but I did and..."
Sebastian trailed off and watched as his words sunk in. Jon's expression shifted from confusion to understanding and then... he wasn't sure. Disappointment, maybe, but not the anger that he would have expected. "You... did you sleep with him?"
"No," Sebastian replied immediately, a little too adamantly. "He kissed me. And I didn't... I didn't stop him. I kissed him back and then when I realized what I'd done I pushed him away and freaked out and made him go, but... I did it."
Jon looked him in the eye until he was finished, and then he dropped his eyes and took a long, deep breath. Then, as Sebastian watched with bated breath and a chest full of anxiety, Jon nodded and seemed to be inwardly debating something. Sebastian watched and waited until he couldn't take it anymore, blurting, "If you want me to go I'll go. I just... I wanted to tell you in person. I'm so sorry. I'm a piece of shit and I fucking hate myself and -"
Jon, aghast at Sebastian's words, shook his head and shocked the other man by pulling him into a hug that was far more comforting than Sebastian felt he deserved. "No, no, Sebastian," Jon murmured. "Don't say that."
Sebastian buried his face in Jon's shoulder, hot tears springing to his eyes. "But it's true," he muttered. "You've been so damn good to me and you deserve so much fuckin' better."
But all Jon did was shush him gently and then lead him to the king sized bed in the suite, sitting him down on the side of it and sitting next to him, keeping his arm around him and placing his other hand on Sebastian's face. "I'm not angry, Sebastian."
Sebastian blinked and sniffed back his tears. "What?"
"I'm not angry," he repeated gently.
"... How? I fuckin'... I cheated, Jon. And with him."
Jon shook his head. "You love him," he stated gently. "I can't change that."
"But I love you," Sebastian insisted. "I swear I do."
"I know you do," Jon assured him. "And you love him, too. It's okay."
"No it's not," Sebastian argued softly. "I hate it. I hate what he does to me and how the second he shows up I just fuckin' lose it. I'm a piece of -"
"Sebastian," Jon interrupted gently, "It's okay to love more than one person. And you are so... sweet and full of love and have so much to give. I would never want to change that about you - it made me fall in love with you."
Sebastian's heart throbbed with pain, his guilt growing immeasurably worse thanks to Jon's seemingly utter lack of anger. He wasn't happy about it but he wasn't mad or particularly frustrated either, and the lack of a conventional response left Sebastian completely unsure as to what the hell to do with himself and his feelings.
"Why don't you hate me?" Sebastian asked quietly, and Jon winced as if the question physically hurt him.
"I've told you before, mi vida - I could never hate you."
Sebastian couldn't help but cry even more at those words. Jon pulled him into another hug, whispering comforting words into his ear and running soothing fingers through his hair. Within a few moments they ended up laying in bed together, shoes and jackets off and Sebastian curled up in the safety and warmth of Jon's arms. His head was on Jon's chest and Jon comforted him until the tears finally stopped coming and his breathing evened out.
Sebastian was exhausted from not only his flight but also from the outpouring of emotion that he was still grappling with. It was surreal in a way, Jon being so sweet and understanding despite what Sebastian had done, and Seb just... could hardly comprehend it.
"Are you sure you're not mad?" Sebastian asked quietly, peeking up at Jon.
"At you, no," Jon replied. "But Chris... he plays with your heart. What he does to you is cruel."
"He doesn't mean to be," Sebastian said, his knee jerk reaction to defend Chris at all costs still very much alive and well. "He just..."
"You make excuses for him and always have. You shouldn't."
Sebastian let out a breath and lowered his eyes, closing them as he snuggled deeper into Jon's chest. "I know. I'm an idiot."
"He is the idiot," Jon chuckled.
"Yeah." Sebastian paused. "But I love him."
Jon kissed his forehead. "But you love him."
Sebastian looked up at him, eyes earnest and honest. "I love you, too."
"And I love you," Jon replied softly, leaning down and placing a soft kiss on his lips.
".... What do we do?" Sebastian asked Jon in a whisper, at a loss for where to go from here.
"Whatever makes us happy," Jon shrugged. "And you make me happy."
"You do, too," Sebastian insisted, meaning it with everything he had in him.
"Then we will figure it out," Jon assured him, kissing him one more time, and somehow despite his guilt, shame, confusion and inner turmoil... Sebastian believed him.
He might never fully believe that he was worthy of Jon's love and forgiveness, but he was grateful more than words could ever begin to say. He wished that his love for Jon would just push his love for Chris out of his heart and into the past, but instead they coexisted for better or worse. He loved them both so damn much and he couldn't imagine that ever changing.
What the hell were they gonna do?
----
The next morning Sebastian awoke to soft, tender kisses on his neck and gentle hands roaming his body, Jon coaxing him into what proved to be the best makeup sex Seb had ever had. A part of him still felt like he wasn't worthy of such pleasure but Jon went to great lengths to convince him otherwise, and Sebastian loved him all the more for it.
The rest of his trip passed by pleasantly and all too quickly, the two men enjoying each other's comforting company and making a few public strolls together. They both had to deal with a lot more paparazzi since coming out but it was a part of life and it rarely bothered them. What did bother Sebastian, however, was the nagging little voice in the back of his head wondering how Chris was doing and if he was seeing the pictures as they hit the Internet. Sebastian wanted to reach out and make sure that he was okay, that he wasn't hurting after what happened, but silence had lapsed between them again and he just didn't know how to proceed.
Sebastian flew home at the end of his trip conflicted and worried but relieved that he and Jon were still together despite his lapse in judgement. Soon after he jetted off to LA for a new film and, for the time being at least, left his problems on the back burner in favor of work. It was a bandaid really but he was used to it.
Three weeks into filming, Jon's project wrapped up and he had a week free to visit Sebastian in LA. He packed up and flew his way, stopping for a layover at JFK that left him waiting for an hour and a half before his next flight began boarding. He grabbed lunch and coffee at one of the restaurants and sat at a table towards the back as he made a few phone calls and texted Seb to keep him updated as to his ETA.
Everything was going perfectly smoothly until he finished his food and happened to glance up at the right moment and noticed a particular patron at the counter waiting on his order. Jon wasn't sure at first until the man turned his head a certain way, better displaying a bearded jaw that a NASA hat and sunglasses couldn't hide, and then Jon knew beyond a doubt who the man was. He took a deep breath and looked away, wondering what kind of ridiculous sense of humor the universe had to cross their particular paths on that particular day.
Then again, maybe the universe had a good reason for it.
He got up and headed to the front of the restaurant, quietly disposing of his now-empty coffee cup and walking the short distance to where Chris stood. He took a deep breath and hesitated only for a few seconds before reaching out and gently tapping his upper arm. Chris immediately swiveled around and, upon making eye contact with Jon, immediately performed his best impression of a deer in headlights.
".... Hi," Chris blurted, eyes wide and mouth hanging slightly open. Jon, not as much of a saint as he seemed to be at times, couldn't deny the little bit of satisfaction he got from Chris' clearly panicked reaction.
"Heading home?" Jon asked quietly, glancing around them to ensure that nobody was watching them or paying them any mind. They weren't.
"No, Atlanta," Chris replied, visibly perplexed by the casual line of questioning. He seemed to just go with it, however, asking next, "You?"
"Back to LA. Sebastian's waiting for me."
Chris stared at him, anxiety sealing up his mouth for once and leaving him speechless. Jon watched him squirm for only a few seconds before letting out a breath and throwing him a bone.
"I know what happened. He told me weeks ago," Jon told Chris, whose brows quirked in surprise. "We don't keep secrets."
"Listen," Chris muttered after swallowing nervously, tone as quiet as possible, "I never meant to -"
Jon held up a hand to silence him. "I don't know what you mean to do. You are always playing with him and coming and going as you please, and he deserves better than that."
"I know," Chris replied, visibly and audibly pained. "And I'm sorry. To both of you. I had no right to do what I did. It won't happen again."
"I think it will," Jon shrugged slightly. "He loves you too much to ever say no to you. And you - I don't know what you want from him but I don't trust you."
".... I wouldn't trust me either," Chris muttered, clearly ashamed. It was all in his blue eyes, plain as day for anyone to see. "I don't wanna fuck you guys up anymore than I already have. I'll leave him alone."
"That's not what I want," Jon shook his head. "I want him to be happy."
Now Chris was really confused. He gave a small shake of his head and furrowed his brows. "What do you mean?"
"He needs you, I think. I can't change that. But unless you stop being a coward and using him whenever you feel like it, you'll never deserve him or his time."
"I'm not trying to take him from you," Chris blinked, unsure of how to take Jon's words. "I just..." he paused and trailed off, eyes averting aimlessly. "I miss him."
"Maybe you should stop missing him and start earning his love," Jon suggested. "Stop breaking his heart."
".... Don't you hate me?" Chris asked, bewildered. "I don't understand."
"I don't hate anybody," Jon shrugged. "Not even you."
A pause of silence passed between them, and then with all the sincerity in the world Chris finally murmured, "I'm sorry."
Before Jon could accept the apology, Chris' order was called out from the counter. He glanced over his shoulder and then back to Jon, who simply moved his hands into his pockets and said, "Have a safe flight, Chris."
"You too," Chris replied, eyes still bewildered as he watched Jon walk away and out of the restaurant.
Nerves now shot, Jon felt the nagging need for a cigarette start to grow as he began heading towards his gate. He hoped that Chris would listen and put an end to this nonsense for Sebastian's sake, whatever that ultimately meant for him and Jon. Whatever came of them in the end, so long as Sebastian was happy and had what he wanted, that was enough for Jon. That was how love was supposed to be - selfless, unconditional.
And maybe not always limited to one person and one person alone.
Taglist: @captainrogerrsbeard @take-me-tom-hiddleston @onehotgreasymechanic @stanclub @time-travel-bouqet @supersmuttyqueernerd @its-a-pretty-interesting-wall @itsstillnotwhatyouthink @lisamott9 @ravensonata @buckmesideways22 @loki7ms @weareallteamcap @laughingatthevoid @nade2308 @wintersoldier1989 @steve-bucky-stucky @loricameback @imagininggirl
69 notes · View notes