#insecure attachment style

[sophiemariepl]

I feel like TBoSaS fans can be put into these categories

Fans who idealize Coriolanus Snow:

- oh, Coryo is so handsome and smart, of course, he couldn’t be wrong!

- either think that Coryo was right about Sejanus deserving to die or say they know it was basically murder and that Coryo was a killer but don't care because Coryo is handsome and/or they like him #HaloEffect

- believes Coryo is more intelligent than everyone around him, he deserves the best #SnowLandsOnTop

- livin’ on TikTok edits

Fans disillusioned about Coriolanus Snow:

- believe that Coriolanus is a monster ever from the start of the book until the very end

- often don’t care about the background that Coryo grew up and developed in

- often read/portray Coryo as an incel, a dude completely entrapped in toxic masculinity, or a straight-up psychopath or a sociopath

- “OMG Lucy Gray run away from him!!1!”

Fans with an insecure attachment style and childhood trauma:

- understand the trauma and background that Coriolanus grew up in and that largely contributed to him becoming a monster in his early adulthood (Capitol is a morally rotten place)

- simultaneously don’t excuse his crimes - the fact that Coryo was largely shaped by an awful environment doesn’t excuse murder but it explains how he ended up in this place

- relate to Coryo’s mental health issues in many ways

- understand that Coryo was more of a human doing than human being, that his whole self-perception and self-esteem was based on the pressure to reclaim the honor for Snow's name as the last man in his family and on the lack of secure relationships for most of his time (his grandmother influenced him more than Tigris + outside of his household he was constantly pressured to pretend to be someone else)

———————

Of course, don’t treat this too seriously, just sharin’ my thoughts and perceptions

[conscious-love]

When love is unreliable and you are a child, you assume that it is the nature of love – its quality – to be unreliable. Children do not find fault with their parents until later. In the beginning the love you get is the love that sets.

Jeanette Winterson, Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal?

[abbey-abdominal]

*My Love Mine All Mine by Mitski plays softly in the background*

— —

companion piece to this

[spicywaterwombat]

Reminder to self: The goal is not to be free of insecurity or imperfection *before* building relationships. The goal is to learn how to own and work through insecurity *while* being vulnerable with the people you love.

[bleedingseeds]

People with childhood emotional abuse trauma, listen, for I mean this from the bottom of my heart:

Loyalty is not love.

Being useful to someone is not love.

Being what someone wants from you is not love.

Giving someone everything you are is not love.

[coolerdracula]

they have got to make a cure for shame that works like instantly

[litchiteany]

What Love is Not

💔

You asked me once, “What did I want?”

I thought you knew—our bond, a front—

To build, to grow, to share our minds,

Not simply echoes, hollow, blind.

You rushed ahead, yet kept your guard,

Distrust entrenched, emotions barred.

I laid my cards, exposed and raw,

While you stood back, observed each flaw.

Your focus fixed on flags unfurled,

Insecurities mapped your world.

I played my part; I bared my soul,

Yet yours remained a guarded whole.

I reached for more while you withdrew,

A masterclass in dodging truth.

Through every door you closed with care,

You left me grasping empty air.

You planned escapes, a silent flight,

While I believed we’d hold the fight.

I’ve seen this act, rehearsed and thin—

A farce that kept the shadows in.

Walls went up—too high to breach—

Your silence spoke what words won’t teach.

Deflection was your chosen shield,

To doubts you never dared to yield.

So here I stand, my heart laid bare,

The weight of hope now worn to air.

If love to you is silent doubt,

Then I have learned what you’re about.

But know, when walls of stone decay,

My heart will turn and walk away.

JI

9-11-24

[reddit-007]

🌼✨ Hey friends! 🌼✨

So, let’s talk about something that’s kinda like a hidden garden in our hearts: fearful avoidant attachment. 🌿🌺

Imagine a beautiful flower that wants to bloom but is afraid of the bees 😧🐝. That's us! We crave connection, yet we sometimes push people away because we’re scared of getting hurt. It’s like wanting a cozy blanket fort but being terrified of the dark shadows lurking outside. 🏰💔

But here’s the cute part: recognizing this pattern can be the first step towards making our garden flourish! 🌸💖 Instead of hiding from the bees, maybe we can learn to trust them a little more. It’s all about gentle steps—like leaving tiny openings in our fort for the light to shine through! ☀️✨

_________ For Me The Best two Practical Workbooks for Recovery :

The Fearful Avoidant Wokbook

The Disorganised Attachment Workbook

[dykesynthezoid]

Remembered that my ex once got really depressed and jealous bc I was talking about how much I liked Audrey Hepburn. and I’m like. Oh so you kept dating that person for several months huh. That was a decision we made.

[ruralcat]

dont like being the one to text first call that avoidant.

dont like being the one to end call first call that attachment.

[marsduality]

From The Power of Attachment by Diane Poole Heller

[Text ID:

AN INTRODUCTION TO ATTACHMENT STYLES

The human attachment system is an inherent, biological, and natural process that relates to everything we do in life, especially when it comes to our relationships with others. Although secure attachment is what we're after here, it's important to note that whatever attachment style we live with evolved to keep us safe. Even insecure attachment patterns are designed to help us survive dangerous situations, and none of these styles are set in stone. The next four chapters look at each of these four adaptations in depth and provide ways to work with them. Here's a quick overview to get us going:

Secure Attachment. This is the type of attachment in the ideal situation described earlier. Securely attached people typically grew up with plenty of love and support from consistently responsive caregivers, and as adults they are interdependent, connecting with others in healthy, mutually beneficial ways. 'They are okay both in connection and on their own; they can think with fexibility, can perceive a range of possibilities, are comfortable with differences, and resolve conficts without much drama. They can internalize the love they feel from others and forgive easily.

Avoidant Attachment. People with this attachment style have a tendency to keep intimacy at arm's length or to diminish the importance of relationships. They often were neglected: left alone too much as children, rejected by their caregivers, or their parents weren't present enough (or only present when teaching them some type of task). Avoidants have disconnected- put the brakes on-their attachment System, so reconnecting to others in safe and healthy ways is extremely important

Ambivalent Attachment. People with the ambivalence adaptation deal with a lot of anxiety about having their needs met or feeling secure in being loved or lovable. Their parents might have shown them love, but as children they never knew when their parents might get distracted and utterly pull the rug out from underneath them. Their care was unpredictable of notably intermittent. They be hypervigilant about relational slights or any hint of abandonment, which amps up their attachment system into overdrive. Anticipating the impending inevitability of abandonment that they are convinced is coming, they often feel sad, disappointed, or angry before anything actually happens in their adult relationships. For ambivalents, consistency and reassurance are paramount.

Disorganized Attachment. This attachment style is characterized by an excess of fear, and the attachment system is at cross purposes with the instinct to survive threat. When stressed, sick, or frightened, a child naturally wants to seek comfort and protection from a loving parent, but what do they do when the same Parent is the source of fear or distress? People with this style can get stuck in a threat response and/or swing between avoidance and ambivalence without much of an identifiable pattern. They often suffer from psychological and physical confusion. Disorganized parents may fear their own children. As children, they saw their parents as threatening, or their parents simply emanated an atmosphere of fear or dread due to their own unresolved trauma. Disorganized folks are often emotionally dysregulated, dealing with sudden shifts in arousal, or dissociated and checked out. Since they are prone to the most disturbance, reestablishing a fundamental sense of regulation and relative safety are the most important things for people with this attachment style.

End id]

[the-casbah-way]

i think. i might be the best boyfriend ever. i fear

[corpus-incorporated]

i don’t think i remember how to want anymore in that childish way from back when you knew your wanting wouldn’t jeopardize being loved

[carletes]

Also, disrespectfully, if you at any point have entertained these dumbass carlando divorce allegations, i would hate to be in a relationship with you irl

[800-grader]

Screams into a pillow. ## ### #### #### ## #######

[misscaiacreates]

Anxious Attachment: Drowning & Yearning

Why does it feel like I’m drowning in the depths of my own mind? The blues and purples swirl around me, a tempest of emotions I can’t control. Your eyes, those isolated eyes, they haunt me. Do you see me? Do you truly see me, or am I just another shadow in your world?

I reach out, but my fingers grasp nothing but the cold, fragmented shapes of my thoughts. Why do I feel this constant push and pull, this relentless tug-of-war within my heart? Are you as conflicted as I am, or is it just me, lost in this turbulent sea of anxious attachment?

Every layer, every textured brush stroke, is a reminder of the complexity between us. I long for your touch, yet fear it might slip away. Why do I cling so desperately to the fragments of your affection, piecing together a mosaic of longing and vigilance? Can you feel my heartbeat, erratic and uncertain, as it pulses through this storm of emotion?

Is it love that binds us, or merely my fear of being alone? The turbulent waves crash against the walls of my heart, each beat a question, a doubt. Do you feel the same pull, the same yearning for connection, or am I adrift in this ocean alone?

Why can’t I silence the voices that whisper of inadequacy, that tell me I’m not enough for you? Each glance, each touch, is a fleeting moment of solace amidst the chaos. Will you stay, or will you too be swept away by the currents of my anxiety?

I long to find stillness, to gaze into your eyes without the shadow of doubt. But until then, I’m left to navigate this storm, hoping that somewhere within the depths, you’ll find me and anchor me with your love. Will you?