#insane character essay tag

[trauma-bot]

sin eater

[thefloatingstone]

"Do you need another hug?"

"I don't think that will help this time."

[qui-gg]

that one post you made about lightbulb and how she made up her entire relationship with paintbrush until ep12 made me like her character a lot more soo has ur thoughts and opinions on lightbulb and maybe paintbrush changed since episode 15??

Thank you for this question and it definitely has, it’s just been taking me a bit to think and format into words exactly how to say this! But with ii16 releasing soon i should go through this now, so be prepared for a ramble.

Since i’ve made that post, I’ve gone through a few more realizations about the preexisting material itself. I should say it’s a bit dramatized when I said she made up the ENTIRE relationship- there was obviously something there since they’d known each other for a very long time, after all Paintbrush does say “we’re STILL friends”, but she moreso took it and ran with it to a level it was never at. I’ve never properly talked about my feelings on Alternate Reality Show here? But it’s my favorite episode and I have TOO MUCH to say. I’ll be bringing up key parts of my analysis though since this is about 15.

This episode features Lightbulb’s elimination, and so evidently that means it should be seeking a way to properly wrap up her story. It’s not the total focus of the episode, and neither is she the main character (she already had that in 12), but I think it was handled the best way it could have been. Initially when I watched the elimination in the Chicago theater (slack jawed and having my heart broken I was cosplaying Lightbulb😢) there was a lot running in my mind but the fact Lightbulb’s expectations had been subverted in the very best way was on the forefront. Leading up to 15, there was a lot of extra material released that pointed towards hyping up Lightbulb. She’s a very popular character so the average fan’s expectation is exactly what she mentioned in the episode, that she’d win for her team. The exit interviews of the flying buddies ALL point towards their expectations of Lightbulb to win- which I think was SO clever and must’ve been intentional. Lightbulb likely hasn’t seen these interviews, but I think on a meta level it’s for us to see and then Judge Lightbulb’s reaction to those expectations. Because as she does, she takes something as friendly and simple as what Test Tube said to her at the end of 14 and blew it out of proportion. Her friends are giving her encouragement to win of course, because that’s the nice thing to say and do when your friend is in a competition! But as we learn from 12, Lightbulb is seeking more from the game than just the game. She’s here for relationships first and foremost. And, we see that she has so much more of a thought process beneath the surface than we initially expect, that she is very observant and aware of her own feelings and others and takes that into account which presents as her backwards intentions in her quirky behavior, the stuff she does that doesn’t seem to make sense all has meaning. (We also see this exerted in one of my favorite Lightbulb appearances, the Jacknjellify upload of the 2022 meetup short, where there’s a scene of her in her own head through the situation. She recognizes she’s failing an interaction, gets insecure about it, and we see her make up a quirky lie in real time! It’s incredibly important LB material) She just prefers to distract herself from them the more intense they get because when things get more serious it is hard for her to be taken seriously or believe that she could be. And Test Tube is very important to all of this despite not speaking in 15 because Lightbulb’s relationship with her was one of the first that became Real. Test Tube recognized that Lightbulb was struggling most prominently as she alone had been on that journey with her and had that talk, she knew her heart wasn’t in the game for a long time. Which affects her actions towards her in 15! But I’ll get to that in a bit. The point i’m trying to make here is that it is the PERFECT SUBVERSION of audience expectations, that Lightbulb would be willing to win for her team, to reveal that instead she just wanted to go home and be with her friends. She had built up those expectations for herself too and thought EVERYONE (both her friends and on a metatextual level, the real fans) would be disappointed in her for feeling that way but it’s something you can see if you’re looking! Her reactions to all the flying buddies’ eliminations, in the 14 stream there’s a discussion about how she’s not doing well at all being all alone, She just disguised it! As usual! And punished herself for feeling different. And I need to emphasize IT IS THE PERFECT WAY TO GO TO ELIMINATE HER VIA LIE DETECTOR. That was one of the coolest things to me. LIGHTBULB, WHOSE FATAL FLAW IS THAT SHE CANNOT SAY WHAT SHE’S FEELING COMPLETELY STRAIGHT OR HONESTLY, WHO NEVER MAKES SENSE, is forced to fight for a position she doesn’t believe she deserves on a lie detector. My little analytical heart knew as soon as the challenge was revealed she was out. But again, the way it all played out was subversive in just the right way and accurate to her character and I couldn’t be more thankful.

Now it’s time for me to address the Lightbrush elephant in the room. I think Brian said it best on the Jazzy ii15 stream- why does a relationship need to be romantic in order for it to be special? There’s a lot there that is written into the show as is that doesn’t need a kiss scene to suddenly make it pay off or matter. So in this analysis i’m not here for Lightbrush at all. It’s best appropriate to look at it from the lens of a platonic friendship as it was intentionally written and portrayed in the show itself, not to speculate on things that aren’t there.

(Plus, i’m less of a fan of the ship these days. My relationship with it is complicated. I just adore Lightbulb and Paintbrush as characters too much)

Obviously it had to be Paintbrush who responded to the emergency signal. It wouldn’t make sense thematically for it to be anyone else. It was revealed by Brian on a few streams that Test Tube chose to tell Paintbrush to go answer the signal intentionally to help Lightbulb out, knowing that she was missing them and her heart was not in the game. I think it speaks to the strength of the flying buddies that they’re able to read each other like this! In III, we come to understand this is how Paintbrush was feeling after their elimination in 12 and solidified in their season 3 elimination, Their heart wasn’t in the game without meaningful relationships. Both of them were just seeking connection the entire time they were apart, and I think this has to go back to what I said in the post you mentioned that she made up their entire relationship with them. They both had a lot of regrets about the way their friendship worked before their first real connection in 12 before being separated, and spent so much time dwelling on how they could repair that but weren’t able to yet. So now that they have to chance to build that up again together they’re going to take it. I think the talk with her between Baseball Knife and Suitcase at the start of 15 is indicative of this as well, she questions Baseball about voting out Paintbrush, something she never previously expressed any anger about. But she’s not angry, she just has been thinking about it more. And also, that scene is incredible because I fully expected Lightbulb to be alone and misunderstood by the Grand Slams because they saw none of her development and hardly understood her but they approached her to see if she was doing okay and I was surprised! Very much a necessary step towards her decision in the end.

It is INCREDIBLY difficult for Lightbulb to be straightforward. When she’s clicking the pen that’s a coping mechanismmm and when she’s FORCED to say outright “I’m scared, and I need help.” That’s painful for her. Unnatural. Her behavior and method of presenting herself through quirks can’t just be turned off, it’s baked into who she is. And she doesn’t need to change that, she just needs to be seen and recognized and taken seriously anyway. Which makes it perfect when she chooses to eliminate herself with what else but a lie. It’s too hard for her to say “I don’t want to be here. I want to go back and stay with you all”, so she tests her resolve once and for all despite knowing in her heart she just wants to leave with them. She’s not giving up a million dollars just to go be with Paintbrush and I think that take is a bit degrading towards her character- This decision holds a lot of weight to her and the audience who expected a lot from her over the four years of buildup to her appearance here. But everything I mentioned previously built up to this choice, plus the point Taco had been making about leaving the game spoke to her but she chose to leave in her own way, not for the reasons Taco thought she should. And we see also at the end of the episode “today I think an old friend tried to show us she’s drowning” despite being scared of her earlier in the episode SHE STILL SEES TACO AS AN OLD FRIEND FROM SEASON 1! It’s so good that Lightbulb says that line so juicy. But that goes to show again Lightbulb is extremely observant of others. Also i love all of the ocean lingo and theming with her. I should post the Baxter essay sometime. ANYWAY! The point is Lightbulb didn’t make this choice lightly, she’s been toiling with it for three episodes now. She missed “her crew”. And she was always here for relationships and fun, not for the money or the game. She finally built something, and now she just wants to lay with it. She’s earned her rest.

I also need to mention the Dunce hat. Oh my god. Her exiting the show with a Label announcing her as an idiot, a perception so so many have of her and within the show, her friends previously had of her, but she doesn’t care because there are people who see through that, who see her! Sure she might not be understood by everyone for the way she is, but there are special people in her life who do. Lightbulb is such an incredible character.

I tried to keep this brief but of course it isn’t!! And this still feels like I haven’t said enough. But yes 15 was very good for Lightbulb and a great way to wrap up her story- even if it’s not technically over yet! We’ll see what happens in the movie. Thank you for reading this far!

[kittydragondraws]

Murder Drones - Trauma and Healing

I was once of the opinion that Murder Drones never really had a theme or message. It was kind of just, watch the funny robots be funny.

But the more I've thought about it the more I've realized, Murder Drones does have a theme. And that theme?

Trauma, how it affects people, and how to heal from it.

In this essay I will go over five of the characters of the show, Uzi, N, V, Doll, and Tessa, and describe their traumas. How it affects their actions, and what they do to heal from them.

Uzi - Lonliness and Acceptance

Uzi grew up with no friends, classmates who either hated or ignored her, an emotionally negligent father, and a dead (*cough* in church *cough*) mother. Truth be told, she had no one. No one to talk to, no one who would listen to her, no one who cared about her.

She was alone and very vulnerable. However, she didn't like that. She didn't want people to see her as vulnerable, she didn't want people to see her as weak. So she developed her edgy, "not like other girls" persona to convince people that she wasn't dying inside. That she took all her pain in stride and was owning it.

However, her coping mechanism of creating her goth girl persona didn't help in the long term as it didn't combat her true problem. She was lonely, lonely and... just wanted someone who cared about her.

And one day, while going out to find the last piece of her railgun she needs to save the world and earn her dad's respect and stuff, she meets N. N, the bloodthirsty drone killer, who was willing to sit down and talk to her.

Sure he was blind and thought she was a fellow Murder Drone, but he didn't immediately push her away as emo. Sure he admittedly was used to much worse treatment from much worse people, and Uzi was probably a saint compared to them (which we'll touch on in his part).

But even afterwards, when he realized she was a Worker, and that he would get in massive trouble with J if he let her go, he willingly spared her life. Saw her father leave her to die, and took pity on her.

Where the two came to develop a connection and eventually, friendship.

Uzi had made her first friend.

N - Self Worth and Free Will

His whole life, N has been used and abused.

While we don't know much about his first life, his life before the Elliots, we can only assume he was still treated as a slave, as much as the rest of the Worker race is.

His life with Tessa and her family, while seemingly happy, he still lived with them as a servant. Tessa may have been a good owner, but she was still an owner. He, J, and V might have been good servants, but they were still servants.

His life as a Disassembly Drone was probably the worst. Not only did he have his entire body forcibly changed against his will, but he now was forced to take innocent lives as he relied on their bodies for sustenance. Not to mention he also had his brain swiss cheesed to hell and back, and didn't even know because well... can't remember things well when those memories are full of holes.

Not to mention, the people he was forced to serve under were awful to him. The most obvious one is J, who was him as a waste of materials and space. She literally wanted N dead, leaving a piece of paper that read "kill yourself" in a dog book that she knew N would read, as a Disassembly Drone telling N that if the company allowed it she would kill him herself, and literally stabbing him with a deadly virus after she saw he had dissented.

However the Solver, the Solver was worse. It killed him several times over, wiped his memories of his past deaths, turned him into a monster, and forced him to kill an unspeakable amount of humans and drones. It could clone him an infinite amount of times. If one clone learned too much or got too rebellious, there were always the next hundred. He was disposable, in episode 7, the solver literally said he had served his purpose. The worst part? There's no way of truly knowing what the Solver did to him or forced him to do. How many clones of N it tortured, killed, and replaced.

But what's even worse than this? He enjoyed it. Well, enjoyed is a strong word. But he saw it as okay. He believed that being treated like trash was normal. He literally thanked J for stepping on his neck. He thanked J for "looking out for him" after getting stabbed with the virus.

When Uzi questioned him about what the "company" would do to him after they were finished with their mission on Copper 9, he didn't know. He was blindly following orders, doing what he was told. With no thought to the consequences. He never considered that JcJenson would view them as a bunch of useless, worthless, disposable robots...

Then he meets Uzi. Sure she's a bit rough around the edges, but she doesn't hurt him or belittle him. She values his opinions and him as a person.

She doesn't see him as a means to an end. She sees him as N.

V - Protection and Attachment

V hid information from and hurt N, yet she did it to protect him. V remembered more than N from the manor. More of the killing, the bloodshed, the forced experimentation, more of the Solver.

She didn't want N to remember. To have the same painful memories she did. So she did her best to keep them hidden from him. Keep him in the dark about the Solver.

How did she do that? Avoid telling him anything she knew, anything that he could use to get closer to the truth. She wanted him to stay in blissful ignorance, something she would love to have.

However, her desire to keep N safe didn't just extend to keeping him safe from the Solver, but keeping him safe from her.

She was afraid of loosing N, and the pain that would bring. So if she developed a deep emotion attatchment to N, like say... reciprocating his crush... it would only hurt if she ever lost him again. And she wasn't ready to deal with that pain.

So she pushed him away. pretended to be mean, pretended to be crass, pretended to not notice, not care, literally pretended to forget his name. No attachment, no pain.

But then, Uzi comes along, and her eye starts glitching to show a Solver symbol. V remembers their orders, kill all the Solver infected drones on the planet. But N, N likes this little drone. he sees her as a friend. He won't let V kill her, becuase he doesn't know what she can do.

It would be so easy for V to go behind N's back and kill her, afterall, N's made friends with rocks before. He'd get over a pathetic Worker, right?

But as time goes on, V starts to understand more about Uzi, about why N likes her. She's smart she's kind, she gives a damn about his opinions. She tells him things... that's more than V ever could've done.

And when V realizes N doesn't need her protection anymore, she's willing to let him go.

Doll - Obsession and Isolation

Doll just wanted to be normal. She just wanted to be free from the Solver's influence and live a normal teenage robot life. But she also wanted revenge, revenge on the drone that took her parents from her, revenge on the drone that set her down this path on the first place, V.

After becoming an orphan, Doll became obsessed with getting her revenge on V, to the point she no longer cared about anyone else. Including who lived and who died. Of course, being Solver infected, she had to drink the oil of the Workers around her, so it's hard to fault her for that.

However, it's hard to tell how many drones she kills out of necessity, and how many she kills for other, less justifiable, reasons. The amount of oil she has in her house? You can't tell me she drinks all of it, at least, not before killing more Workers. The prom girls? That was to lure V into the bunker. Even at prom, She kills two (I think) other Worker Drones, for the crime of getting in her way. Why?

V, everything Doll does, is about V. All of the prom-related deaths she caused, were about V. Doll was obsessed with V, all she cared about was killing V to avenge her parents, not caring about who else she had to hurt to do so. All that mattered, was that V ended up dead.

But after Prom, when she had failed to kill V, and ended up getting killed herself. She learned that Uzi had the Solver as well, finally, someone who could understand her pain, someone she could help. But even after learning she and Uzi are in the same boat, she still chooses to go alone.

At every turn she either leaves Uzi to her own, which usually ends in Uzi getting hurt, or she actively antagonizes her, setting back her own progress in terms of investigating the Solver to further her own goals. Even going as far as to sentence Uzi to death by dinesaw after getting to the elevator.

However, in the end, her relcutance to accept help would be her downfall.

Both Uzi and Doll ended up getting confronted by Tessa, whose goal was to have both dead. However, what separated them in those moments was that they had backup. Or at the very least, one did.

When Tessa had been pinned down by Uzi and was about to be stabbed N was there, knife as hand, ready to do whatever it took to save Uzi. He had had enough of Tessa's shadyness, and now only cared about her.

However Doll, Doll was all alone. When she was attacked by Tessa, she had to try to protect herself. She didn't have anyone she could turn to or rely on for help in that moment. So she ended up getting killed by the very monster she was fighting against.

In her last moments, all she could do was find Uzi. And hope that she'd be able to fight back.

Tessa - Love and Compassion (And Getting Skinned Alive By God)

Tessa's parents hated her. Her mom, Louisa, seemed to view her as an embarrassment and while we don't know much about her relationship with her father, James, it can be assumed he was either generally apathetic to his daughter or found her creepy.

Either way, he didn't care much about her, as he was complicit in Lousia's abuse of her, which included chaining her up to her bedpost like she was a misbehaving dog.

Yet, despite her loveless upbringing, when she was given the opportunity to essentially be a mother to the Worker (Zombie) Drones she rescued from the dump, she chose to be the opposite of what her parents were.

While her parents were cruel and demanding, Tessa loved her drones, flaws and all. She was them almost like her children, little ones she had to protect, keep happy and safe. Heck, she probably cared for them more than she should've, considering that they were robots.

However, there was one drone she had found. One who was different than the others, in a way she could never guess. Cyn, little Cyn. She was different than the other Drones Tessa rescued, she was small, had an odd way of walking, and an odd way of talking. But that was okay to Tessa, she was a Worker Drone deserving of a home.

Tessa could've never guessed that by bringing that Worker into her home. She's not only cause the deaths of her parents and countless other fancy rich people, but also her own and lead to the destruction of the entire human race.

The worst part? She couldn't find peace even in death. With her skin being worn by Cyn and used to masquerade as her, tricking her once beloved drones into assisting the very entity they were trying to defeat.

In Tessa's heartfelt attempt to try and break the cycle of abuse, she ended up causing something worse than she could even imagine.

Trauma is a complicated thing to talk about, and an even more complicated thing to get right. However, I do applaud this show for not only tackling the subject but showing such a wide branch of ways the characters cope with it. From finding others to confide in, to harming others in the pursuit of their own interests. And it pains me the fandom can't recognize this.

So many times have I seen people in this fandom either use a character's trauma as an excuse to absolve them of all blame, or ignore it and try to spin them as the second coming of Satan. When these characters are much more complex and fascinating than people give them credit for.

Anyway, thank you for reading and I hope you have a good day.

[washiinmachiine]

drew this in like 2 hrs after i saw primordian briar for the first time before swarm got put on the pbe and forgot to post it here whoops.. riot i need her Now......

[crimsonmonsoon]

If you can’t tell I am entirely obsessed with this guy

[doom-dreaming]

okay i'm still very awake so you're all gonna have to deal with me red-stringing about character bullshit until i fall asleep. i Know i'm making a big post about this but i don't care

why. this is the first instance of mark being designated as the one in charge when a higher-up (fred, in this case) isn't present. but why. they were only trapped in the slipspace fuckeryzone for a few days relative to normal space-time and i don't think anything drastic happens (with these guys) in glasslands? at least according to the wiki it doesn't. why did being integrated into blue team suddenly disrupt team saber's former command structure?

did they plan to kill mark off at the very start of this? was this all a long game to give mark enough of a foothold as an Important Character to make his death have more impact? does troy denning just like him more? how much weight did his personal preferences even play in this? why do the gammas suddenly start bantering when they're in danger and alone with a woman they just met? why do mark and ash seem to switch personalities every other chapter? why is this worse than i remember it being when i first read it a few months ago?

[sleeve-sleeve]

ok first murder drones now spooky month depression

[discjude]

Yeah this is about right (as always my thoughts are in the tags so there's actually kei content there lmao)

[stuffedsand]

for the violence ask game: 8 common fandom opinion everyone is wrong about. for milgram. i know exactly what you're going to say i just want to see you go off again

Hiii bestie. You do know what I'm about to talk about. Yippee

Disclaimer that this whole essay is like. For fun and how I say things is ramped up to be funny. I don't mind if you disagree w me cuz like that's the nature of things! We disagree but we can get along.

Anyways short answer for people who don't wanna see the essay: organ harvesting theory. This is about shidou.

Idk how prevalent it is rn since not many people even talk about shidou but it was prevalent enough in June when I got into milgram that I believed it for a bit anyways the rest in under the cut cuz I'm insane sorrg

SO the main reason I think the theory is WRONG (hyperbole‼️) is because I just think it's unrealistic. Man works in a hospital in Japan. How would he pull it off. Scuff an operation bad enough to cause braindeath/death and I'm p sure they suspend your medical licence, if he participated in an organ harvesting operation pre-family-accident his case would then be black and white cuz he was doing it in complete sound mind with no regard for human life. Also it wouldn't justify the extreme reaction he's had to realizing, specifically, "what I've been robbing people of" (t1 voice trailer), and he wouldn't have as heavy a focus on the relatives' feelings and reactions. At least story writing wise it'd make less sense since it doesn't allude to anything if that's the end goal? Imo at least. Idk maybe this is because I really like tragedies in media. Also because it'd be a really disproportionately severe crime compared to every other direct murderer???? Like. We have strangled someone, stabbed someone, bludgeoning, bludgeoning, kicked someone to death. Organ harvesting looks cartoony in this context. It's also not a very prevelant issue in Japan iirc.

Also to prove my point further. If we use this theories the murders would be

Strangling, abortion??????, cyber bullying, stabbing, organ harvesting, toxic r/s, telling the truth (lmao), bludgeoning, bludgeoning, bludgeoning (minus weapon). Organ harvesting is goofy cuz it seems so.... Extreme,,,,,,,

ALSSOOOOO funny point. If he's not directly involved in his murder (as in, unintentional and indirect) that makes 5 direct and 5 indirect. Silly.

Also also his murder seems somewhat tied to how he feels about his job itself ("I wanted to contribute to society (about his career choice)/I had thought my work was a contribution to society", use of past tense) and to me it reads like hes disillusioned w his job esp since his reason for getting a highly sought after, high paying and high social ranking job is "I wanted to contribute to society". Doctors with that empathy can be affected by the death around them more severely and I think that's a fun topic to look at

I count this under "common fandom opinion" cuz it was common enough around June (whenyours truesly got into milgram) that I believed it. I mean I introduced shidou to my friend (hello clown) as "maybe Dr malpractice. Organ harvesting dude" and said friend (hello again clown) is also the one who's heard me bash the organ harvesting theory like 6 times at least now so. Yippee.

Take none of this seriously I just got off a plane and am so very eepy. If you like the organ harvesting theory good for you!!!!!!!💥💥💥💥💥 you do you bestie !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I literally do not think less of anyone who believes that theory I just personally dont lmao

[averlym]

whshdfhfjf.,,,

[brittlebutch]

finally found a place to read With the Light online and i'm thrilled; if you haven't read this manga i do Legitimately recommend it

[set-wingedwarrior]

The way you must justify your lesbian ship even when the characters have canonically a crush on each other (and it's the cutest thing ever) is insane.

"why do you like it, the crush is just escapism on character x's part, I am genuinely confused and want to know why any of you think they should be endgame! Anyway, look at my more straight ships for them that defenitely make more sense character-wise despite them clearly being just friends. I am not an homophobe." Shut the fuck up.

[smallsies]

mike walters and matt woe.begone are the best childhood friends to lovers dynamic ever. listen;

they're maybe fourteen years old, halfway through a summer spent between one another's houses, starting fires in the pit behind matt's house and chasing mike's dog down the street whenever it got out of the yard.

they're fourteen years old and best friends and then mike kisses matt behind the old train depot on the edge of town and it means something neither can quite place.

years of hands clasped underneath blankets when they watch horror movies in the fall and lingering touches and smiles when they pass a mug of hot chocolate in the wintertime and bumping shoulders when they wander through the state park hiking trails the next spring.

it's something and it's nameless, maybe, but it's all they have.

it's enough to get then into trouble, even.

they're seventeen and scared of the world and matt gets cornered in the baseball locker room, bitter words and no way to escape and he leaves with more than a few bruises and blood running from his nose.

middle-of-nowhere towns have never promised anything good so they get out as soon as they can, living in a rundown apartment in the city and working their way through college.

sometimes, in the evenings, mike convinces matt to get out his guitar and play through some half-remembered song they remember from growing up and from early-morning drives in mike's pickup, endless stretches of highway between their hometown and the city.

eventually they drift apart in the way most people do and matt still remembers mike's number even though he never calls it, and mike thinks of matt every time he finds his way back to their college town and then he is left to mourn someone that never really died, left with the heavy weight of the blood on his hands, a reminder of the things he would do to keep matt safe.

[robotsafari]

was trying to see if i could outclass a triple-a unreal engine game in the whimsy department (i think i did.)

[ohitslen]

Rewatching Stampede because yes I have better things to do but also seeing Nai playing “Duet” by himself sounding the same way it did when Vash played with him, he really must have invested a lot of time into pulling that off and it just makes my gut roll in a certain way that I’m just-