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sixhours · 2 months ago

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bright spots - chapter 3

Series Chapter Index | Read on AO3 | In progress

Rating: Teen Words: 2.5k Series tags: The Last of Us, The Last of Us (HBO), Joel & Ellie, Joel Miller, Ellie Williams, Marlene, canon divergence, hospital AU, medical stuff, blood, hurt/comfort, angst, canon-typical violence, vomiting, implied rape/sexual assault, I've probably forgotten some so please let me know <3

Joel

When he can stay awake for more than an hour at a time, he sits in the hard plastic chair by Ellie’s bed, allowing himself to doze while she’s awake; otherwise, he makes it his job to keep watch. It’s partly out of habit, and partly because he doesn’t trust Marlene or her Fireflies any more than he trusted the random strangers they encountered on the road.

When Ellie catches on, she rolls her eyes and tells him to go back to bed, but he doesn’t miss how she shies away from the male guards who accompany Marlene on her regular check-ins, doesn’t forget how she fell asleep clinging to his side when he was sick. She puts on a brave face, but they’ve spent enough time together he knows when she’s anxious or scared.

Nurses come and go, but they don’t do more than take Ellie’s vitals or bring food and take away the empty trays. At points he’s nudged awake and asked to follow a penlight with his eyes, then he’s handed a couple of pills.

“It’s Tylenol,” the nurse says when he looks at her the first time. “Your head’s killing you, right?”

It is. He doesn’t take the pills.

For all her protests, Ellie sleeps a lot, too. But after a couple days of just sitting around, she nudges him out of a light sleep with obvious irritation.

“Dude, you stink. They have hot water.”

“Not leavin’ you alone–”

“I’m not ‘alone’, the bathroom’s right there,” she says, gesturing to the door on the other side of the room. “And I think I can take care of myself for ten minutes.”

“I know that. I trust you. But I don’t trust them,” he mutters.

“What’re they gonna do? They’re not going to kill me, Joel. They need me.”

I need you more , he thinks selfishly.

“Seriously. If they come at me with a needle I’ll yell or something. But I’m gonna pass out if I have to keep smelling you. You’re a fucking biohazard.”

“Fine. Ten minutes,” he grumbles. “But don’t move. And if anyone comes in here–”

“I’ll scream bloody murder,” she says flatly, waving her hand in front of her nose. “Just go , stinky.”

Marlene left them fresh clothes; pre-outbreak scrubs scrounged from the hospital lockers if Joel had to guess. He grabs a set of light blue ones and shuts the bathroom door behind him none too gently.

In the sterile, antiseptic-laden air, he has to admit Ellie is right. He’s foul. He starts the shower and turns it to the hottest setting. The water pressure is furious and the tiny room immediately begins to fill with steam.

He gets his first look at himself in the mirror over the sink and flinches at the sight. Hair shaggy and matted, patchy beard grown over with stubble, and bruises and scrapes dot his face. There’s a crusty brown scab on one side of his head and he can feel the goose egg knot at the back, both still tender. The picture doesn’t improve when he eases out of his flannel and peels off his soiled undershirt, wincing; his stomach bears a dark purple-red mark in the shape of a rifle butt and he can see the outline of his ribs.

Turning away, he finishes undressing and steps under the stream. The pressure on his bruises and cuts is a special kind of agony, but the heat loosens his muscles. The water at his feet runs a murky gray-brown for several minutes. There’s a single bar of soap–no shampoo, no conditioner, none of the fancy stuff they had in Jackson. The thought brings an unexpected pang of homesickness for a place he has yet to call home. He thinks he should try to find a way to make contact with Tommy, let him know they made it, but he doesn’t know how to go about it without revealing his brother’s location to the Fireflies and putting the settlement at risk. He shelves the idea for now, another problem for another day.

It takes longer than his promised ten minutes just to get the layers of road dirt and grime off his skin, out of his hair. When he finally emerges from the shower, his flesh is a raw bright pink and he’s almost woozy from the heat, but he feels slightly closer to human.

Voices outside put a knot in his throat.

He stumbles into the scrub pants and yanks open the door. Marlene is sitting on the end of Ellie’s bed, and he’s obviously interrupted a conversation.

“Get away from her,” he growls.

Marlene arches an eyebrow. “Joel–”

“Don’t care, get out,” he snaps.

“Call off your dog, Ellie,” Marlene smirks.

“Dude, gross,” Ellie mutters, face flaming. “Put a shirt on. No one wants to see that.”

Frustrated, he turns back and grabs the scrub top, yanking it over his head. Wet patches dot the shoulders where his hair still drips. He has the vague notion that he can’t be very threatening looking like a scruffy drowned rat in blue pajamas and makes a mental note to wash out his real clothes the first chance he gets.

“We’re just talking, Joel,” Marlene sighs when he comes back.

He ignores her, turning to Ellie instead. “Thought I told you to get me.”

“Well, she didn’t try to stick me with any sharp pointy things, so I figured it was fine,” she huffs.

Joel grimaces. “It ain’t about that. And you,” he rounds on Marlene. “I know exactly what you’re doin’. Just like with Tommy, puttin’ all sorts of ideas –”

Marlene scoffs. “Your brother was a grown-ass man who made his own choices. As I heard it, he wanted to get the fuck away from you.”

“Maybe so, but I ain’t gonna stand here and let you put more of your propaganda bullshit in her head. Did enough a’that already–“

“Oh, please –“

“Oh my fucking god, just fight or fuck already!”

Ellie’s words cut through the room like a knife, temporarily reducing them to stunned silence.

Joel balks. “The hell–”

“You’re acting like a couple of stupid fucking babies,” she scowls, looking back and forth between them. “Throw hands or kiss about it, but stop fucking arguing about fucking nothing ,”

“He’s not my type,” Marlene says, lips twitching in a smirk.

“Then I guess you’ll have to take it outside,” she snaps. “Let me know who wins, okay? Jesus.”

“Kid–”

“It’s fine,” Marlene says brusquely, standing and brushing her hands on her jeans. “Another time.”

Joel watches her go, hands on his hips, jaw working. When she’s out of sight, Ellie turns on him, nostrils flaring.

“Dude, we were just talking .”

“Yeah, well…you can talk to me,” he mutters, gathering his pile of filthy clothes from the bathroom floor. “You can’t trust her, Ellie. She’s not good people.”

“Coming from you,” she mutters.

He sets his jaw. “The difference is, I ain’t never pretended to be anythin’ I’m not. Think about that before you go gettin’ all buddy-buddy with the woman who tried to have us killed the minute we set foot here.”

“She didn’t–”

“She sure as hell did. They had eyes on us the whole time. They could just as easily have held us at gunpoint but they bombed us instead, and she’s the only one around here callin’ out orders, ’case you hadn’t noticed.”

“You don’t–”

“I do,” he snaps, shuffling over to his side of the room. He tries to hide it, but the hot shower and this conversation have taken most of his remaining energy. He sinks down onto the bed, facing her.

“I know that woman better’n you, and I know what she’s capable of,” he continues more softly. “She may look like your friend, but…you need to think real long and hard about who you trust, kiddo.”

“So just you, then?”

“While we’re here? Yeah, that’s about right.”

She grimaces, eyes shining as her next words come out in a whisper. “She knew my mom.”

He swallows hard, wondering what Ellie’s mother would think of her little girl being used as the Fireflies’ pin cushion. “Don’t make her a good person.”

Ellie huffs, face darkening. “I’m going to rest. You don’t have to…to watch me or whatever.”

With that, she gets up and snaps the curtain partition between their rooms closed, the rings grating sharply across the metal bar on which they’re strung, effectively ending the conversation. But her words still echo in his ears.

She knew my mom.

Ellie never talked about her mother before. He ignores a pang of jealousy–it’s fuckin’ irrational to be envious of a woman who died years ago. That woman had never seen her daughter’s smile, hadn’t kept her fed and sheltered and safe, hadn’t seen her face light up at the sight of a giraffe or a dumb joke or a new issue of her favorite comic book.

He’d known Ellie less time than her mother had carried her in her womb…but their time together had to count for something.

Selfish old man , he thinks, easing back onto the bed, turning onto his side so his good ear faces up. He stares at the wall, exhausted but unable to sleep, and wonders how the hell he’s supposed to protect the girl from herself.

Ellie

Marlene comes in while Joel is in the shower, and Ellie can’t help but think she timed it that way. She wants to ask why she and Joel are at each other’s throats, then she remembers–something about Tommy and the Fireflies. Ellie knows the feeling, hearing Riley talk about the Fireflies like they were some kind of saving grace, convinced she was going to change the world with a few pipe bombs and a gun, knowing it was all a bunch of bullshit.

The irony is almost painful. Riley would be laughing her ass off now.

Riley.

Her memory is an ache she has too much time to indulge in now that they’re settled. She looks down at her arm, remembers the mall, tucked against Riley’s side as she watched the tendrils under her skin creep up, up, up, so certain she was watching her own death in slow motion.

But then they stopped, and Riley’s hadn’t. Then there was the cold grip of the gun in her hand when Riley’s eyes were no longer hers, when the lips she’d kissed not an hour before twitched and her jaw dropped open in a groan that wasn’t fully human…

“Ellie?”

“Hmm?”

She’s drifted away again. She keeps doing that, her mind going fuzzy and lost in the past. Joel said something about PTSD once, but she was too ashamed to ask what that meant beyond her brain being all fucked up. It always makes Joel nervous, but now Marlene is the one sitting at the end of her bed, looking at her with concern.

“Ellie? I asked what happened in Colorado.”

“Oh. Nothing,” she says automatically.

“Are you sure? You kept talking about it when Joel was unconscious–”

“Nothing happened,” she snaps.

“Did he…hurt you?”

Ellie swallows hard against the lump in her throat. How could she know about David? Did Joel tell her? No, he wouldn’t. Can Marlene see it in her? The darkness, the bad thing, her violent heart. She has the crazy idea that she didn’t get all the blood off, there was so much blood, blood in every crevice, in her ears, in her hair, at the corners of her mouth. Joel’s rough hands cleaning her face with cold snow all those weeks ago, maybe he missed some and that’s how Marlene knows what she did, what she did, what she–

No, dummy. She’s asking about Joel.

Ellie rears back. “Joel would never hurt me.”

Marlene’s disbelief shines in her eyes and suddenly Ellie’s chest hurts with the desperate need to make her understand.

“He would never,” she repeats. “He never…he kept us safe. He protected me. He never– never –he’s not like that.”

“Okay,” she murmurs, the word drawn out. “Okay, Ellie, I hear you. Did someone else hurt you, then?”

She shakes her head tightly.

Marlene clearly doesn’t believe her. Ellie doesn’t care. She’s not having this conversation. She could barely have this conversation with Joel and he’d been there.

“Why did you tell me he left?”

She asks the question before she can stop herself, eager to change the subject.

“I said he took the payment,” Marlene says carefully. “Not that he left.”

Ellie rolls her eyes. “Same fucking thing.”

Marlene considers her, tilting her head. “I thought he had left,” she sighs finally. “But obviously he changed his mind.”

Ellie glances at the bathroom door, hears the shower running on the other side. She thinks of Maria and her warning.

The only people who can betray us are the ones we trust.

It’s all so fucking confusing.

She’s seen the guards. It’s not like Joel just walked out and then turned around and walked back in. He’d had a full escort when he’d found her, hand pressed to the window, relief in his eyes.

But Marlene was honest with her before, too. What reason would she have to lie now? She told her the truth about her bite, about her mother, she told her they could make a cure and even Joel said that was probably true…

It’s all mixed up in Ellie’s head, so tangled and twisted and frustrating she wishes she could disconnect and drift away again.

“You look so much like your mom,” Marlene murmurs, looking at her with a soft expression. “You have her eyes, you know.”

Ellie sniffs. How could she possibly know? She’s never even seen a picture of her mother. She wants to tell Marlene to fuck off, but there’s a sad little orphan inside her who craves every scrap, every morsel of information, ready to accept the broken glass pieces of her history and hold them up to the light to be inspected like treasure.

“I do?”

“You do. And her nose,” she smiles a little, speaking quietly, as if to herself. “And her attitude.”

“Was she a pain in the ass, too?” Ellie mutters.

Marlene laughs. “When she needed to be…yes. She spoke up. Sometimes people think that makes you a pain in the ass, but…sometimes it’s what gets the job done.”

That makes something in Ellie’s chest pull tight, a blush warming her cheeks. It’s a compliment, she thinks, one she’s not sure how to accept.

She’s like her mother.

But she’s been thinking about her father, too.

No reason.

“Did you know my–”

Before she can finish asking, the bathroom door is flung open and Joel is standing there, half-fucking-naked and pissed off about something, and he and Marlene are arguing, and fuck, she’s tired of listening to them already. They’re fighting like a couple of stupid kids in the rec yard and she just wants to lie down and put her hands over her ears and try to make sense of everything.

Then Marlene leaves and it’s just her and Joel and a stupid lecture about not trusting anyone but him, which is bullshit because they wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for Marlene and the Fireflies.

She shuts the curtain on further conversation and doesn’t talk to him for the rest of the day.

#the tipsy bison #tlou fanfiction #the last of us fanfic #hospital au #joel and ellie fanfic

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alj4890 · 4 months ago

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Rough Start

(Tobias Carrick x F!MC) in a Choices Open Heart One Shot

Rewriting Chapter three of Book One if Tobias was there instead of Ethan Ramsey

A/N @jerzwriter what have you done to me? Making me rethink everything 😂 Keep it up 😉

Masterlist

"It doesn't feel like I got any sleep at all last night." Sienna whispered. "I was too excited about finding us a place."

"Me too." Chris whispered back. "I can't wait to check out that place you found. If it has a bedroom and an actual full bath, I might break down and cry and then offer you my first born for finding it."

The two drew stares from their fellow interns when they began to giggle. They quickly sobered when Zaid glared at them and patiently waited for a late Dr. Carrick to join the group.

"Here he is!" Ines exclaimed with a little relief. "Good morning, Dr. Carrick."

"Dr. Delarosa." He grunted in greeting. "Dr. Mirani."

He leveled his furious gaze upon the interns.

Chris was shocked that this was the same man she'd met the day before. There was no encouraging smile, no humor, nothing but an irritated aura of anger radiating off of him.

"Are these the ones I have to listen to?" He grumbled.

Ines's jaw dropped. She quickly recovered when he cocked an impatient eyebrow at her.

"Yes." She stammered. "These are the new interns."

"A friendly reminder." He said to the group. "Everyone you're about to tell me about was alive when they came in. Think about that before you decide on any type of treatment."

"That's encouraging." Chris drily remarked to Sienna.

"Something you want to say, Valentine?" Tobias narrowed his eyes at her.

Chris could feel her temper snap. Biting back a scathing retort, she forced herself to speak calmly.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."

Ines gasped and shook her head no at Chris from behind Tobias's shoulder. Even though it was rare to see, she knew to give Dr. Carrick a wide path when he was in a bad mood.

Chris ignored the warning. "I think it's unfair of you to try and shake our confidence before we've even had a chance to present our patients."

Her gaze never wavered from his.

"Shouldn't we at least have an opportunity to prove how good we are?"

Tobias folded his arms. He allowed the silence to stretch making everyone squirm, except Chris.

"Okay." He jerked his head towards the east wing. "Since you're so eager to prove yourself, Dr. Valentine, let's start with your patient."

Head held high, Chris walked past him and led the way to her patient's room.

Refusing to show anything other than her best professional manner, she presented her case. She didn't wince once as he barked out questions about the internal bleeding and the way she and Landry were treating it without surgery.

Tobias's irritation seemed to double the more he listened to Landry stutter on about needless information.

Without a word of praise, he left to hear all the others.

Chris sagged against the wall outside of her patient's room when he left with the other interns.

"What the hell is his problem?" She mumbled.

Marlene paused on her way in to check on another patient. "He probably didn't get laid."

The nurse snickered, glancing back over her shoulder to make sure he was nowhere near to overhear anything she was about to say.

A startled laugh escaped Chris.

"Really?"

"That's my guess. Danny also saw him covered in coffee when he first came in. I think he's had a rough start to his day."

Her eyes twinkled with humor. "No sex and no coffee can make Dr. Carrick a very angry little boy."

Chris struggled to keep from laughing as she hurried to rejoin the others. It was difficult to do during the rest of the rounds, especially since every biting remark made her believe what Marlene said.

The no sex scenario seemed likely. After all, she saw him leave by himself last night. It was a shame he'd insisted she think about what kind of relationship she could handle. They'd both probably be in more relaxed frame of mind.

When he glanced at Chris, she smiled at him. He blinked, momentarily forgetting what he was going to ask Elijah about his patient.

Shaking his head to clear it, he dismissed the group.

"Not you, Valentine." He called out. "You have one more patient."

"Is it you?" She couldn't resist teasing.

"Excuse me?" Tobias knew he shouldn't be surprised by anything she said, but it still made him almost trip mid step.

"Is it you?" She repeated. "Are you my patient."

"No." He was unable to think of a witty response.

"That's a shame." Chris followed him down the hall. "You look like you could use a doctor."

Tobias spun on his heel to face her. "I know I'm going to regret this, but why do I look like I could use a doctor?"

"I don't think just any doctor will do in this situation." She tapped her chin as if seriously considering the problem before her.

Tobias found himself lost in her humor filled eyes.

"Maybe you need one who can prescribe you the right medicine." She added.

His eyebrow lifted. Folding his arms, he leaned against the wall to wait on her to elaborate. A part of him knew where this was going and he was dying to see just how far she dared to go.

"So? What sort of medicine do I need?" He asked. "I'm perfectly healthy at the moment."

Her eyes darted down his body. "No argument here."

He snorted, unable to keep his smile from appearing. "Then I think we agree I don't need any medicine."

He led her into another patient's room and introduced her. After a quick consult, the pair walked down the hall together once more.

"You do need something." She argued. "It isn't something I would prescribe to just anyone, but you definitely could use a dose or two."

"And that is?" He prodded.

"Coffee." Her smile grew when he groaned.

"No thanks." He responded with a slight shudder. "Coffee and I had a major falling out this morning."

"I heard." Chris clucked her tongue in sympathy. "How bad was it?"

"It went everywhere." Tobias replied. "All over me and the interior of my car. I could have handled it all over me, but I'd gotten the car detailed yesterday."

"That is awful." She tilted her head, studying his profile. "But coffee is not the only thing I'd prescribe for you."

Here we go, he thought with anticipation.

"I'll bite." He said with his typical smirk.

"I bet you would." Chris whispered.

He cleared his throat and looked pointedly at her. "What else would you prescribe me?"

"A time machine." She promptly answered.

"What?" He stopped in his tracks.

"A time machine." She repeated. "To go back to," she glanced at her watch, "about ten and half hours ago."

"Ten and a half hours?" He mumbled.

"See, there was this moment when you could have had a dose last night of your needed medicine." Her smile turned flirty. "Probably a few doses."

She stepped closer and tapped her clipboard against his chest. "If you'd have given in to what was before you, you probably wouldn't have snapped at everyone you encountered today."

She walked off, casting a final wink at him over her shoulder.

"Might want to consider that the next time you're offered the right kind of medicine, Dr. Carrick."

A slow smile formed as he watched her walk away.

"I'll consider it." He said mostly to himself.

#choices open heart #tobias x chris #tobias carrick x mc #tobias carrick #open heart fanfic #choices the stories you play

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bitter69uk · 5 months ago

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Born on this day in Milan: durable Italian screen diva Isa Miranda (née Ines Isabella Sampietro, 5 July 1905 – 8 July 1982). In the 1930s she worked with titans of European art cinema like Max Ophüls (La Signora di tutti (Everybody's Woman) (1934)). Later in the decade Miranda was fleetingly (and unsuccessfully) imported to Hollywood as a would-be rival to Marlene Dietrich. Her notable later films include Summertime (1955), Do You Know This Voice? (1963) and Liliana Cavani's notorious Il portiere di notte (The Night Porter (1974)). She also diversified into television, with a guest appearance on a 1967 episode of The Avengers (pictured, as Damita Syn). But I have a soft spot for the bizarre low budget 1964 Euro-exploitation flick Dog Eat Dog starring Jayne Mansfield and Cameron Mitchell. After collaborating with the likes of Ophüls, René Clément and David Lean, Miranda must have wondered where the hell her career went wrong!

#isa miranda #damita syn #the avengers #max ophüls #lobotomy room #italian actress #italian cinema #the italian marlene dietrich #glamour #diva #kween #european art cinema

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mermaidgirl30 · 11 months ago

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Look for the Light

Chapter 22

- Summary: Aly finds herself trying to escape the Boston QZ. What Aly doesn’t know is Tess is pairing her up with Joel to go on a dangerous mission to find Tommy. Will Aly survive the brooding, moody Joel or will she find herself falling hard for him?

You spent the next two days trekking from Colorado to Utah. The snow following you all the way. Not any snow storms, just light snow that fell and pulled away every once in a while. Towering mountains didn’t slow down either. Every which way you turned was a mountain covered in glistening white snow. The views were breathtaking, nature showing its real beauty.

The temperature was slightly higher than it was in Colorado, so the trip wasn’t awful. Your winter jacket and Joel were all you needed to stay warm. The two of you had stopped along the way at a couple of run down, abandoned houses to sleep during the cold nights. You had no run-ins with any raiders or infected which was odd, but it calmed you to know it was peaceful. So far at least.

You were so close to Salt Lake City, just right on the outskirts of the city. You were almost there and still didn’t know exactly what happened with Tommy and Joel. You’d put off asking him the past week, so you guessed it was about time to get some answers.

You carefully brought up the subject, trying not to set him off. “So, you and Tommy. What exactly happened between the two of you?”

Joel sat up straighter, his muscles tightening around you. You could feel him get fidgety as your arms were wrapped around his waist, his abs stiffening. You heard him breathe out a sigh before he answered you.

“Me and Tommy…we had different views. After the virus spread things got rough between us. We…we hurt people to stay alive. We took what we had to, to live. It ultimately got too much for the both of us.” He adjusted his position on the saddle, his grip holding the reins growing tighter and then loosening. His hands were fidgeting along with his leg that was bouncing up and down unsteadily.

You could see this conversation was bothering him, so you took a more gentle approach. “You alright?” you asked slowly as you placed a hand on his thigh, his leg instantly becoming still underneath your touch.

“I’m fine,” he said with a deep southern drawl.

You took that as the okay to ask him another question. “So, what happened next?”

He took a minute to answer you, but he was calm about it. “We started fighting more, having more arguments. It wasn’t pretty. The fireflies started getting into Tommy’s head, saying they could fix the world. No matter how fucked up it already was. They swore to him they’d fix it. And they filled him with hope. I didn’t believe a damn word out of their mouths. But Marlene, the leader of the fireflies, convinced him to join them. I tried to talk him out of it, but she convinced him otherwise. And before I knew it they were heading out west. Last I heard they were going to Salt Lake City. And so that’s where I decided he’d be. And I hope that son of a bitch is still there. It’s been a long time..He said he never wanted to see my face again when he left with the fireflies..”

His voice trailed off, and he looked lost in thought. “Hey, we’ll find him. Don’t worry. We’re so close. I’m sure he didn’t mean all those things he said. He’s your brother. I’m sure once he sees you again it’ll be like nothing ever happened,” you encouraged him, keeping your hand on his thigh.

He gently placed his hand over yours and gave it a tight squeeze. “I appreciate the kind words, but we’ll see. I just thought I’d at least try. Ya know?”

“I’m glad you’re trying. How long has it been now? Since the last time you saw him.” You looked over his shoulder and gazed at his face, his forehead creased in thought.

“Too long. More than a decade. Shit.” He slowly laughed and shook his head in disbelief. “I can’t believe it took me this long to go and look for my brother again. I’ll be damned if he even recognizes me anymore.”

You placed your head on Joel’s shoulder and looked up at him. “He’ll recognize you. Of course he will. And I’ll be there by your side when that happens.”

He gazed down at you with those pretty honey eyes of his and gave you a small smile while he reached up and grazed his hand under your chin in an affectionate way. “Thanks for believing in me.”

You nodded in his direction, and he turned his sights back to the road. You sat in silence for a few minutes. His muscles going from tense to relaxed as you put your arms back around his waist. You were enjoying this. The fresh air while you were wrapped around Joel. It was somehow soothing.

A couple of minutes later Joel pulled on the reins, making Shimmer stop abruptly. “Whoa, girl,” Joel said quickly as he slid off the saddle.

You looked up to try to see what made Joel stop. He was standing by the side of a small hill. You jumped down off Shimmer’s back and walked over to where he stood. Before you could ask what he was looking at, you looked down and saw for yourself. Your eyes widened when you saw just what he was looking at. Infected.

Ten runners stood just a few feet from where you stood, the hillside separating you from being level with them. You could hear their angry screams, the way they cried out as if they were trying to draw their next victim in. Some moved slow, others were fast as they twisted and contorted their bodies into repulsive shapes. Their dead eyes wandered mindless as they looked around at nothing in particular. Just dead bodies that were aimlessly searching for life.

“There’s so many of them,” you said as you stared at all of them, your eyes looking from one infected to the next.

Joel shifted his weight and looked over at you, a question in his eyes. You looked over and gave him your best guessing face, trying to figure out why he was looking at you like that.

“Hmmm,” he started. You cocked your head to the side and continued to give him a questioning glance. “Wanna put that bow of yours to the test? Get a little practice in.”

You shifted the strap over your back, feeling the cool leather material run through your hands. The arrows slightly shifted from the movement. “Alright, yeah. I could use a little more practice,” you said as you reached to get the bow out of the bag, along with grabbing an arrow out. “But wait. I bet I could shoot more runners than you.” Your nerves tingled from what you just suggested. Of course he’d beat you. What were you thinking?

He took a step closer, raising an eyebrow as he looked you in the eyes. “Are you challenging me?”

No, because you knew he’d win. You brushed off the thought and put your A game face on. “Looks like it,” you said with confidence, resting your hand on your hip as you narrowed your eyes slightly.

“Think you can beat me?” he said with a playful smile.

“Yes, as a matter of fact I do.”

“We’ll see about then, won’t we? And the winner. What does the winner get?”

Huh? You hadn’t thought of any prizes. You were ultimately just joking, but it turned into a real game quick. “Whatever they want,” you answered with a flirtatious flutter of your eyelashes.

“Hmmm. Whatever they want…” His eyes lowered to your lips and hovered slowly back up to your eyes. His eyes darkened and a smirk formed on his mouth. That was enough to bring you to your knees. The way he just looked at you. It was…dangerous, tempting, hot.

You gulped in response, quickly picking yourself back up from the pieces he just shattered you in. “Anything,” you whispered back.

He stole one more glance at your lips and nodded. “Alright. Challenge accepted. Whoever shoots the most infected with the bow wins. Ladies first,” he said as he bowed and held out his hand towards the direction of the infected.

You gave him a quick nod and walked towards the ledge, your feet stopping before you could tumble down the small hill. You looked across the land, examining every infected that you saw. Slowly scanning which one would be your first target. You decided on a slow one with a ripped up hoodie and black baggy jeans.

You took a slow breath and placed the arrow in the center of the bow, bringing it up to your eye level. You steadied yourself and got into position, your feet parallel to one another, your body angled just slightly.

You focused on your target, watching its every move. You closed your right eye, leaving your left open to aim at your target. One more deep breath and you were pulling the string back, the arrow flying into the sky. It hit your target perfectly in the head, its body falling hard to the ground as blood spilled out the side of its punctured skull.

“That’s one,” you said in celebration, your voice giddy with excitement.

“Nice shot. Now do it again,” Joel demanded.

You stole a glance at him before you focused back on the open land, a small smile creeping up to your face. You got another arrow out and placed it in the bow carefully. You eyed a faster runner, taking your chances with your spotty aim.

You got in position and shot the arrow through the air. The runner was almost too fast, but the arrow landed in the far side of its head. It went down without a fight. “Yes!” you whispered to yourself.

“Again,” he commanded.

You set your sights on a runner that was headed your way. You shot at the right time, the arrow taking it down fast. You were getting good at this. You were amazed, really. You didn’t think you’d catch on this quick.

“Good. Almost too good…” he said with a deep voice as he circled you like a vulture, watching your every move.

You watched him circle you, your heart racing at the sight. “You should know why. You’re the one who taught me,” you replied, your cheeks blushing at the thought.

“That’s right, now go again.” The last word dripped off his tongue like honey, his voice dream-like. As he passed you he stretched his arm out and brushed the side of your hip. His touch burned through your clothes, you could feel his marks left against the chill of your skin.

He walked past you and dropped his hand. Your breath hitched at the contact. Focus. But you couldn’t. All your thoughts were trained on the man who left your skin on fire. You took another arrow and set it up, getting ready to play out your next move.

One of the slower runners was hobbling up to the hill, their dead eyes unmoving as it moved uncannily. That was the one. You focused your sight and positioned yourself angling to the left. You took a deep breath and slowly started to pull back the string.

Before you could move your arm anymore, Joel came up silently behind you, his hot breath breathing down your neck. “Careful. Eyes up just a little higher. You don’t want to miss.” He was standing so close, his hand barely touching the side of your thigh.

You gasped from the way his words slid right through you, his breath hitting your neck in just the right spot. He took a step back, but all you could think about was how good it felt to have his warmth breathing down your neck. As you brought the string all the way back, your grasp slipped and the arrow went sailing in the air. Except it didn’t hit its mark. It completely missed.

“Shit,” you said annoyed. Joel was the reason why you had missed. Damn it, Joel.

You heard a small laugh escape his lips behind you as you turned to glare at him. “You almost had it,” he said sarcastically.

“You distracted me! I would’ve had that if it wasn’t for you. Cheater,” you said as you walked up and stopped in front of him, crossing your arms. “You don’t play fair.”

“Hey, I didn’t cheat. I was only trying to help. It’s not my fault you got distracted.” He smirked at you, the smile meeting his eyes.

“Well, you didn’t help.” You stood your ground and placed a hand on your hip, playfully narrowing your eyes at him.

“Sorry to hear that. Now gimme. My turn.” He held out his hand and waited for you to give him the bow.

“Fine. Let’s see what you got.” You defeatedly gave him the wooden bow and took off your bag strapped around you that was full of black arrows, dropping it next to him.

He winked at you and walked up to the edge of the hill. You watched him carefully, studying his actions. He positioned the bow with an arrow ready to aim. He quickly found the runner you tried to take down and aimed for its head. He pulled back the string with a strong arm and shot, it went perfectly through its head, the runner now dead. You rolled your eyes at how precise his aim was.

He did it again with the next runner and the next. Making every shot crisp and swift. His aim was flawless, never missing a beat. It didn’t matter how fast the runners were going, he’d take them down one by one. He never missed a shot. Every single arrow landing through their tainted skulls.

He was on the last runner now. It was coming straight for Joel, just feet away. He took it out with no effort at all. He was just too good, too skilled in the craft. You wanted to tell him you were no match compared to him, but you held back. You knew he’d win. His abilities were exceptional.

“So that’s three to seven. Looks like I won,” he smirked as he turned to you, still holding the bow.

You shook your head and laughed. “I would’ve done better if it wasn’t for a certain someone.” You crossed your arms and gave him a knowing look.

“Hey now, you did fine. We can always practice more,” he reassured you.

“Right. Next time I’ll show you up,” you promised. “Anyways, you won. So what do you want?”

“What do I want?” he asked with a questioning gaze, his eyes trained on you. “I think you know.” He took a step closer to you, his eyes hounding you.

Oh. Your breathing sped up as he followed you. When you took a step back, he took a step forward. It’s like you were in a dance, never too far away from the other. His eyes darkened and his smirk returned to his face. He was prowling towards you like a tiger ready to devour its prey.

He backed you up against a tree and put his arms up around each side of you, pinning you to the spot. To him. His warm eyes were puddles of dark chocolate, growing darker with every second that passed. His warm breath blew in your face, warming all your senses.

You gulped, your breath catching in your throat. Joel leaned down and cupped your chin in his hand, gently raising you up to where his mouth was inches away from yours. You slowly ran your tongue across your bottom lip, wetting it in anticipation of his lips on yours. His eyes were almost black now as he watched you intensely. His nostrils flaring as he took deep breaths. He was focusing hard on you, waiting to devour you. And that made you shiver in anticipation.

“This is what you wanted right? Me?” you asked seductively, your hand reaching up to rest on his chest, his plaid shirt warm beneath your touch.

“That’s right. You,” he whispered as he leaned against your ear, the words breathing down your neck as heat climbed its way through you. His warmth felt so inviting, so enticing.

“Then what are you waiting for?” you whispered back to him, your breath coming out in waves.

“Your permission.” He stared into your eyes, focused and waiting for your approval.

He was asking for your permission? That was so…hot. After everything that had happened, he now wanted permission to touch you. What a complete gentleman. And you’d give him permission because this is what you wanted. No, needed. His touch, his lips on yours. You wanted it all. Needed it. Craved it.

You grabbed his shirt and pulled him in closer to you, his nose meeting yours, his lips hanging just above yours. Your eyes were at the same level, those dark brown eyes burning into yours. That alone almost sent you to your knees. His eyes begging you to sink into them.

“Yes. You have my complete permission.”

A devilish smirk formed on his lips as he stared at you for a couple more seconds. Before you could register his next move his mouth landed on yours. It was warm and delicate, but it quickly turned into a yearning kiss. The kiss deepening as it grew into a hungry, desperate action.

His hands found your hips as he slowly moved the ends of your shirt up, running his rough fingers across your smooth skin. Electricity pulsed through your body, sending shock waves to your system.

He lifted you up and wrapped your legs around him, pressing your back against the tree. His tongue found yours as he explored your mouth, the taste of coffee igniting your senses. His lips felt so good around your mouth, so right. He pressed you deeper into the tree, his mouth ravaging yours.

He took his hand and moved your long locks behind your left ear, his fingertips grazing the side of your face as he took his lips off yours. Before you could respond he took his tongue and ran it up the side of your neck. Oh, God. And then he was sucking, finding your most sensitive spots.

You could smell the mahogany dripping off him, and it made you dizzy. The hint of cinnamon and the outdoors entwining together, feeding off your desires. He continued exploring your neck, no skin left untouched. You ran your hands through his messy hair, and he groaned in response. The sound alone made you shutter.

He trailed soft kisses up to your ear and whispered seductively, his deep voice leaving you breathless. “Alyson…” he purred in your ear. The sweet sounding melody clouding all your thoughts. Fuck. The way your name dripped off his tongue made you want to come undone.

He trailed his nose down the side of your neck and sunk his lips down on the most sensitive spot of your neck. You moaned loudly into his ear as the sensation ran through you, your grip tightening on his shirt.

“Ahh right there. Right at this spot. I’ll remember that,” he said as he dropped his lips back down to the same place, his mouth devouring you. You moaned again, this time not holding back.

You could feel the inside of your legs growing hot, a warm sensation building inside you. Wet pulsing desire consumed you with every touch he gave you. You squeezed your legs tighter around him, trying to lessen the growing sensation. You wanted him to touch you. You wanted to feel him sink his lips down on every inch of your body. You wanted his mouth in between your legs. Your legs tightened around him just thinking about it.

He slowly teased at the waist band of your jeans, his fingertips almost dipping down beneath the denim material. Your breath hitched at the thought, your vision becoming slightly blurry from the dizziness you felt in your head.

Suddenly he untangled your legs and sat your feet back on the ground, leaving you with one more lasting kiss on your lips. That’s when he broke away, breaking your skin to skin contact. Why did he stop? Why did he fucking stop?

“Why…why did you stop?” you asked breathless, your voice coming out shallow and ragged.

He looked at you then, his eyes still black pits as he ran a hand through his messy locks. “We need to keep going. We’re almost there. Now let’s go gather the arrows up.” His voice was just as breathless as yours. He was just as affected as you were.

“That doesn’t answer my question,” you said as you reached for his arm, grabbing his soft sleeve between your fingers.

He gazed at your hand and looked back up at you, carefully. His eyes finding yours. They were still dark, the blackness fighting to take control again. “Later,” he said in a quiet, deep voice. It shook your insides like a crash of thunder. “Now, let’s go.”

You pushed him playfully against his shoulder. “Joel Miller, you’re such a tease!”

He gazed up at you with a smirk on his mouth. He knew what he was doing. He enjoyed it too. Enjoyed seeing how he affected you. How his touch made you melt just like that. He liked it. No, he revelled in it. But you liked it just as much as he did. You wanted to see just how far he’d take it. How far he’d indulge you, tease you…

“Come on,” he said as he took your arm and led you down the small hill to retrieve the arrows. As you walked by his side, he knelt down slightly and put his lips to your ear. “That was only the beginning. The things I could teach you…” His voice trailed off as he broke contact with your arm, stepping away to grab the first arrow he saw.

Your cheeks flushed at the words that just escaped his mouth, leaving your throat dry. You gulped at the thoughts that swam around in your head. You and Joel tangling in the sheets together, getting lost in each other’s ecstasy…

“Aly.” Joel brought you out of your trance as he called your name. You looked up and he was signaling for you to follow him.

“Yeah, I’m coming,” you said in response. You quickly got a move on and followed after him. You both started going to every fallen runner and retrieved the arrows one by one, quickly working your way to the last one. You picked up the last one from a runner that was splayed flat on its stomach on the ground in a pool of blood. You put the arrow back in your bag, along with the bow and was ready to leave the area.

You and Joel got back on Shimmer and traveled a couple more miles until you came upon a white post sign that said Salt Lake City in big red letters. Underneath it was the fireflies symbol. In black spray paint was a firefly that was splayed across the post where anyone could see it.

“I think we made it,” Joel said as he slowed Shimmer’s pace as she walked past the sign.

“Where is everyone?” you asked as you looked around the desolate area.

“Around here somewhere,” he said as he looked around cautiously. “Let’s go on foot, see if we can find which building they’re hiding in.”

“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.”

Joel jumped down from Shimmer and you followed behind him. Your pistol and knife secured in your pocket, along with the bow strapped around you. Joel’s rifle swayed against his back with each step he took. He was on edge and so were you.

You quietly made your way through the empty city. Vacant buildings surrounded you. Some had windows busted out with broken glass surrounding the ground, others had locks on the front of them. You watched your step, careful not to step on anything sharp.

As you came around the corner, a large hospital sat in the center of the city. It was huge, looking almost like a skyscraper. The glass windows surrounded its entirety, and the name Saint Mary’s sat at the top of the building in bold letters that were quickly fading. The hospital looked to be about six floors high. A covered parking garage sat next to it.

“Joel…” you whispered as you saw the words spray painted on the side of the hospital. “When you’re lost in the darkness, look for the light” was spelled out in bold letters. The fireflies symbol sat underneath the words. It looked ominous, threatening. You didn’t trust the fireflies and never would.

His grip tightened on the strap of his gun as he took in the sight of the hospital and the message that was blaring through the city. “They’re in there,” he said gravely as he looked over his shoulder at you.

“You think Tommy’s in there?”

“I sure as hell hope so. Otherwise I don’t know what we’re walking into,” he said nervously.

“Do you think they take kindly to strangers?” you asked nervously.

“I don’t think they take kindly to anyone,” he scowled and looked back towards the hospital, to the unknown that lay waiting for you to explore.

“What do you think they’re up to in there?” you asked as you scanned the hospital building. The message from the fireflies catching your vision again.

“There’s no telling. Guess we’ll find out.”

You heard a loud crunch behind you, and you froze in place. Joel noticed it also because he looked over at you and raised a brow, questioning what the noise was and who made it.

Another crunching noise was heard just a few paces behind you. Before you could snap your head around to see who was there, you felt something heavy crash down on your head. You felt the sting of pain run through your head before you hit the ground. Your vision went black and so did the sky as you faded into the darkness.

Joel’s POV

You awoke with a pounding headache, your head feeling like it was about to split in two. You brought your hand up to the back of your head and rubbed the area that was throbbing. You slowly opened your eyes, squinting from the harsh lights in the room.

You were laying on the cold linoleum floor trying to figure out how you got here, your body fighting you to get off the floor. You groaned and rolled over, trying to get to a sitting position slowly.

When you finally got to a sitting position, you looked up and saw what was shifting in the room. Four men with shiny, black combat boots and navy colored uniforms stood before you, and they all held rifles in their hands. The firefly symbol patched on the sides of their sleeves.

You froze as you looked over each of them, studying their features. You shifted your weight just the slightest, and they all brought their guns up to attention, pointing the rifles directly at you. “Don’t move,” one of the men spat out with demand.

You narrowed your eyes at them but followed their orders. Fucking fireflies. You braced your jaw and drew your forehead into hard lines, making it known you weren’t happy.

You looked around the room. It was pretty bare. It was a small room with tainted white walls. There was nothing in here except for you and some fireflies. Aly was nowhere in sight. Where the fuck did they take her?

“Where’s the girl?” you growled as you stared up harshly to the men.

“She’s not your concern,” one of the men yelled back.

“The hell she is!” you yelled back even louder.

The firefly raised his gun and took a few steps closer to you. His combat boot collided into the side of your stomach as a sharp kick hit your gut. You braced your hands on the floor and bent over, trying to catch your breath again as the kick sent sharp pulses through you.

The firefly backed up and got back into position with the other men. As soon as the pain started subsiding, you raised your head and glared daggers at the firefly, your eyes squinting into hard lines. You were pissed.

Before you could say something to ignite the anger more, a door slammed open in the corner of the room and in walked a woman. She was fairly tall, had dark skin and raven hair. She was muscular and was wearing a tan tank top, camo pants and boots. Except it wasn’t just any woman, it was Marlene.

“Marlene?!” It came off more like shock than a question as your voice echoed through the room loudly.

“Joel?” she asked in surprise. “What are you doing here?” Shock registered on her face like she wasn’t expecting to see you.

“I could ask you the same thing,” you said with gritted teeth.

“Boys, put down your guns. I know this man. It’s Tommy’s brother,” she said as she held out a hand to them, signaling them to put their weapons down.

The fireflies brought their guns down slowly, but the one who had kicked you was hesitant. You looked up at him again and glared, letting him know you didn’t trust him at all.

You looked back over at Marlene as she moved closer. “Where is she?” you pressed.

“Which one?” she asked hesitantly.

“What do you mean which one? The one your men knocked out cold who was with me!” you barked.

“Oh, right. That one…” Her voice trailed off like you had meant another girl. What the fuck was that about?

“Where..Is..She?” you said as you clenched your teeth. Did you have to spell it out?

“She’s fine. She’s in the other room resting,” she assured you.

“I swear to God, Marlene, if any of your men laid a hand on her…”

“Calm down, Joel! She’s okay,” she said as she held out a hand, trying to halt you from lashing out.

“Take me to her. Now!” you demanded forcefully.

“Get up then. Come on,” she said as she turned for the door, stopping to wait for you.

You pushed yourself off the floor with a grunt. You still had a headache, but that was the least of your worries right now. You had business to get to. You noticed the men followed you out the room and stayed on your trail, right at your heels.

“Marlene, can you get your men to back off just a little?” you barked at her.

“Guys, cool it. Go back outside and keep searching. She’s got to be around here somewhere.” They obeyed and turned the other way. The man that kicked you giving you a once over before he turned on his heel and went the opposite way.

“Fucker,” you whispered under your breath at the firefly, annoyed you were even in this mess.

“You haven’t changed a bit since the last time I saw you. Still the same old angry Joel I knew back then. Always in some kind of mood,” she laughed casually.

“I wouldn’t be in a mood if your men wouldn’t have knocked us out and took our weapons,” you spat back, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Relax. They were only doing their job. And your weapons are waiting for you. You’ll get them back before you leave,” she reassured you. “But first we had to make sure you weren’t a threat.”

You huffed in response. Marlene took you down the rundown hall. The wallpaper was in tatters, and the floor was stained from old water leaks. You noticed a surgery room from the corner of your eye. There was a small metal table next to a hospital bed with scalpels, scissors and other equipment you’d use for surgery. What the fuck were they doing in here?

You were about to ask until Marlene turned the corner and came to a brown hollow door, placing her hand on the rusty doorknob and turning it as it squeaked open. Over her shoulder you could see a medical table, and Aly was sitting up on the edge of it holding her head. You pushed past Marlene and rushed over to her.

“Aly! Are you okay? Are you hurt?” you asked hurriedly as you checked her over for any new injuries. You didn’t see any visible ones which was good for the fireflies.

“My head hurts a little, but other than that I think I’m okay. I’m better now that you’re here,” she said quietly as she reached for your arm.

“Where does it hurt?”

“Right back here.” She pointed to a spot on the back of her head and moved the hand off that was holding her head, letting you take a look. You couldn’t see any visible swelling or marks, but that didn’t mean she didn’t have a slight concussion.

You placed your hand gently on the spot she pointed to and slowly rubbed it, making small circles with your fingers. She groaned slightly, but she leaned into your touch. “Any better now?” you asked.

She nodded up at you, her diamond eyes finding yours. “Better.”

You took your hand and placed it on her thigh affectionately before turning back to Marlene. “If she has a concussion I swear I’ll…”

Marlene interrupted you before you could finish your hateful thought. “That’s enough, Joel. She doesn’t have a concussion. Calm down,” she warned.

“You know her?” Aly questioned you. You looked over to her, and her eyes were full of endless questions.

“This is Marlene. The one I told you about,” you said with bitterness in your voice.

“Oh, I see. What a way to be introduced to one another,” she said with sarcasm in her voice.

Marlene walked up to you and Aly with a huff in her voice. “Guess Joel’s already told you about me. Hopefully nothing bad, right Joel?” she said as she glared up at you, her eyebrows rising in question. You rolled your eyes in response.

“Well anyways, I’m Marlene, leader of the fireflies. I’m sorry we had to meet on such shitty terms. And you are?” she asked as she looked at Aly, waiting for a response.

“I’m Aly. Nice to meet you, I guess,” she said hesitantly.

“Likewise.” She eyed Aly’s wrapping on her left arm, curiously observing it. “What happened to your arm?”

Aly looked down at the wrapping and eyed it for a few seconds, her grip on the table deepening as she clenched her fingers against the worn out blue material. “I was stabbed,” she said faintly, barely audible as she looked back up.

“Mind if I take a look?” she asked carefully. She started to reach out her arm, but you caught her wrist before she could lay her hands on Aly. You gave her a hard glare as your nostrils flared.

“Joel, for God’s sake let me look at her arm! I’m trained in the medical field, I can help so let me,” she said as she raised her voice and yanked her arm out of your grasp.

“Joel, it’s okay. Just let her,” Aly said as she glanced at you with pleading eyes.

“Alright, fine. But be careful with her,” you warned Marlene as you stepped back to make room for her. You crossed your arms over your chest and stood back to watch. You clenched your jaw and fought back words you’d like to say to Marlene.

She brought a bright light over to Aly and put it in place to shine down on the injured arm. She walked over to her left side and slowly started to undo the wrapping and bandages of the wound, making sure not to pull on the skin.

“You know I’ve never seen Joel this protective over anyone not since…” She looked over at your broken watch, and you knew what she was about to say. You gave her a deep scowl and glared at her, mouthing the word don’t as a warning. You dared her to say something about Sarah. The next thing would be your fist in her face.

She got the hint and turned back towards Aly. Aly lifted her eyebrow in question, but she didn’t linger on it. “He must care about you,” she said as she finished getting the bandages off.

“Yeah, I guess he must,” she said as she gazed up at you, a shy smile on her face as her blue eyes lit up. The corner of your mouth rose in response, a smile forming just for her.

Marlene then examined the stitches, looking closely at your work. “I’m guessing that you stitched her up?” she asked as she looked back at you.

“I did,” you answered back.

“Not too shabby. Could’ve done a little better, but overall not bad. You also kept it clean I see. There’s no redness or signs of infection. You saved her arm. Good work.” She saluted you as she ran her hands over the stitches. Aly jumped a little at the touch, but she eased up. “How long have these been in?” she asked you.

“A little over a week.”

“Time to take them out then. Do you mind? It’ll be quick and easy,” she said as she looked at Aly.

“Yeah. That’d actually be great. Thanks,” she said in approval.

Marlene got up and walked over to a small metal table and grabbed a pair of clean scissors and tweezers. She came back over and pulled up a leather stool to sit on as she worked. She quickly got to work with opening each stitch, cutting and pulling them free of the skin. Aly winced a couple of times, but overall she was doing pretty good.

“So how did you and Joel meet?” she asked Aly as she pulled out another stitch.

“We met back at the Boston QZ,” she said as she watched Marlene work on her arm, another stitch being pulled apart.

“And what, you just decided to team up and leave Boston? Can’t imagine Joel was easy to get along with,” Marlene laughed and casually made a knowing face at you.

You huffed out a response, annoyed. “It was actually Tess who introduced us. Aly wanted to get out of the Boston QZ, so I got her out.”

“He said no at first, but he changed his mind pretty fast. In the same night actually. But no, I can’t say that we got along well at first,” Aly quietly laughed as she looked at Marlene, shifting her weight on the table just slightly.

“How is Tess?” Marlene asked casually, looking over her shoulder at you.

“She’s fine.” You said it with a hard edge, not wanting to drag on about the topic.

“So tell me, what was your motivation for leaving? There had to be money, a trade, something that you gained. I know you were a smuggler. So which was it?”

“It was none of that,” you snapped at her, your teeth showing like you had fangs that were ready to bite.

“What was it then? I don’t see you helping out anyone unless there’s something in it for you.”

That comment made you angry, heat rising in your body like you were about to explode into flames. “Marlene, stop,” you warned her. She narrowed her eyes the tiniest bit, enough to see she wanted to say something else, but she didn’t. She let you continue uninterrupted.

“I left because I wanted to go find my brother, and I needed someone to travel with me. Aly wanted out, and that’s what she got. So we both benefited from the other,” you explained, your body struggling to relax as you tensed your muscles.

“Oh, I see. So that’s why you’re here. You’re looking for Tommy,” she sighed.

“Where is he?” you asked with an edge to your voice as you took one step closer so you could get a good look at Marlene’s face.

“He’s not here,” she replied with a blank face.

“What the fuck do you mean he’s not here?” you growled, your jaw tensing as you struggled not to lose your temper.

“He didn’t stay with us long, Joel. He’s been gone for a good while now. He said it didn’t feel right anymore, that this wasn’t what he wanted. He didn’t think our views aligned with his anymore, so he left,” she said as she shrugged her shoulders and looked up at you from the leather stool she sat in.

“Then where did he go?” you demanded, your voice raised.

“Last I heard he was settling down in Jackson, Wyoming. I haven’t talked to him in a few years. He seemed pretty adamant about staying there though. Think that’s where you’ll find him,” she said as she turned back to Aly, continuing to take out the stitches carefully.

“Jesus Christ,” you seethed as you ran a hand through your disheveled hair. You paced the room as your patience was wearing thin.

“It’s only about a day and a half to two days ride from here on horseback. Piece of cake,” Marlene replied as you continued to pace.

“Do you know how long it’s taken us to even get this far? All the shit we had to deal with? What Aly had to go through!” You were so angry, your voice blasting through the small room as it echoed across the walls. You could see some fireflies look in through the glass window and shift their guns, in case they needed to take action.

Aly tensed up at the last part, her hand grabbing the side of her dark jeans as she slowly looked up at you. Her eyes were heavy as she looked like she was sucked back into the past. She didn’t say anything though, she just focused on breathing. You watched as her chest gently expanded and pulled back in, her breaths shallow. You turned your scowl into a look of concern as you looked back at her.

“Whoa, Joel. Just calm down. Let’s talk this out without yelling, alright? You’re gonna have my men come barreling through that door if you’re not careful with your temper,” Marlene said as she turned and faced you with calm brown eyes.

You scowled again, but quickly relaxed your face and sighed. You walked back over to where Marlene and Aly sat and leaned up against the peeling wall, crossing your arms as you bit your tongue.

“Have you and Tommy kept in contact at all over the years?” she asked as she stared up at you.

“No. I haven’t heard from him since he left with your group,” you huffed out as you stared at the ground, the faded linoleum floor looking back at you. It had been so long since you last saw him, the details of him fading slightly from your memory.

“Damn. You two must’ve had a bad falling out then.”

You tensed at the thought, but shook it off nonchalantly. “You could say that. Thought it was finally time to try to tie loose ends and let the past be the past,” you responded as you looked back up at her as she worked on Aly’s arm. She was almost finished. So far so good.

“I think if you went and found him he’d welcome you back with open arms. Good on you for trying. That’s not something the old Joel I knew would do.”

“Well, I’m not the same person I used to be,” you said accusingly.

“Apparently not,” she barked back. She undid the last stitch and slowly took it out of Aly’s arm. “And there you go. Let me clean the area and put something over it, and you’ll be good to go,” she said as she got up and grabbed more supplies.

“Thanks, Marlene. Really,” Aly said with thankful eyes and a small smile registering on her lips.

“It was nothing, don’t mention it.” She came back to the table and started washing off the area and then patting it dry with a clean towel. The wound looked like it was healing nicely. It wasn’t raised anymore, it was more just a dull looking cut. You had been very thorough to clean it every night before she went to bed. That must’ve sped up the healing process because how it looked that first night was terrifying.

Marlene placed a loose bandage across it and gave Aly a small pat on the shoulder. “All done. Try not to soak it for 48 hours. After that you should be all good to keep it uncovered. Just be careful to not damage it anymore than it already is, got it?” She looked at Aly with a concentrated gaze, making sure she got the message.

“I got it. Thanks,” Aly responded as she slid off the table and walked over to you, stopping at your side. You let your fingers graze her arm, tracing the violet material of her flannel. You saw Marlene watching you with careful eyes, one eyebrow rising with curiosity. Guess she never expected you to genuinely care about anyone but yourself. You couldn’t blame her. You didn’t know you’d be in this position either, but here you were. Drawn to Aly like she was your saving grace.

She looked like she was about to comment on the way your hand was glued to Aly, but she decided not to. Instead she said something else. “There’s some fresh soup and cornbread down in the cafe. You both look famished. Why don’t you stay and have a bite to eat before you go back out in the cold? It’s the least I could offer you.”

You looked to Aly, wanting her opinion first. “That’d be great. We’ll take you up on that offer,” Aly said as she looked to Marlene.

“Excellent. Then come on, I’ll take you down to the cafe. The elevator is out of commission so we’ll have to take the stairs. Just follow me,” she said as she led you and Aly out of the small med room.

You were back out in the hall, making your way down the narrow corridor that was filled with old hospital beds left outside the rooms and small vines that were making their way through cracks in the splitting walls. Your footsteps could be heard throughout the hallway, echoing to the unknown.

The further down the hall you walked, the more equipment you started seeing. Empty rooms turned into fully stocked rooms that were filled with medical equipment, working machines, cameras, and boxes full to the brim with latex gloves. You saw doctors and nurses move frantically from room to room, keeping their conversations low. What the hell was all this?

“Marlene, what the fuck is going on here?” you hissed, getting ready to start yelling.

“I’ll fill you in once we sit down. A lot has been going on lately. Guess I can’t hide it. You’re already here, might as well tell you,” she sighed as she ran a hand through her hair, pulling her low ponytail tighter against her skull.

You looked over at your side and Aly was gone. “Aly?” you called out. You turned and saw her standing at the entrance of a room, focused intently on what was going on. You walked up behind her, standing just an inch from her as you looked over her shoulder at what she was looking so intently at.

There was a large, clear cased fridge with bottles of blood and other unknown things in vials. Scans of brains were sprawled out all over the musty walls. Charts of all sorts were scattered around the white counter that filled the length of the wall. Lastly there was a large microscope with slides underneath it. It looked like some kind of huge science experiment was underway. You had a feeling this had to do with the virus. What the hell were they up to?

Marlene pushed you and Aly out of the way and slammed the door shut. “You weren’t supposed to see that,” she said sharply, her voice low.

“Well we did,” you spit back.

Marlene sighed. Aly looked conflicted. She was lost in thought, her wheels grinding in her head. Something clicked as she looked up at Marlene, her blue eyes gazing intently at her.

“You’re trying to make a cure, aren’t you?” she asked. It wasn’t much of a question though, it was an accusation.

“Yes. We’ve been working on one for a while now. We have some of the best doctors here right now. They work day and night, putting all their efforts into finding a cure.” Marlene looked proud, almost like she believed it could be found.

Aly shook her head in disbelief. “No, they’ve already tried vaccine trials. None of them worked.”

“That’s because they didn’t have a secret weapon,” Marlene said as she winked at Aly.

“What secret weapon?” she asked quietly, not willing to believe anything else Marlene said.

“I’ll tell you downstairs, when you’re sitting down. Alright?” she asked as she looked at Aly, then at you. She was waiting on you to answer.

“Fine. Take us downstairs then. But then it’s fair game. You tell us everything we want to know. Got it?” you demanded with a glare.

“Fine by me,” she said as she turned and headed for the door that would lead downstairs. You and Aly quickly followed after her, right on her heels.

The stairwell was damp and cold, no heat coming in. There were cracks in the cement walls where you could feel the brisk wind come through. Your footsteps echoed through the stairwell the further you went down. Tension hung in the air the longer you stood in silence.

You finally made it to the first floor as you followed Marlene out the door. She turned the corner and came to a large, open cafe. The glass windows shined the light in as it reflected off the stained linoleum floor. A couple of fake plants were scattered around the cafe, and empty long tables sat in the middle of the room.

“Sit down, I’ll go grab some bowls. I’ll be right back,” Marlene said as she disappeared behind some old, squeaky double doors.

You could hear low sounds of conversation being had behind the doors as you and Aly made your way to a single white off shade table and sat down. She sat right next to you, the side of her knee touching yours.

“I’ve got a weird feeling about this place. The experiments they’re doing. I don’t know, I just have a bad feeling,” Aly said quietly as her voice barely scratched the surface.

You placed a hand on her knee softly and drew tiny circles as you imprinted your thumb mark on her denim jeans. “You’re not alone. This place definitely has weird vibes. I may know Marlene, but there’s some things she’s not telling us,” you said quietly as you looked around, making sure no one was listening in on you.

“After we eat we should leave. I don’t like it here,” she said with a shaky breath.

“Right after we get all our weapons and our bags back, we will.” You gave her knee a gentle squeeze as Marlene and a firefly came out of the kitchen, carrying bowls of soup and cornbread. The firefly quickly set the bowls down and headed straight back into the kitchen.

“And here you go, fresh potato soup and cornbread. Some of the best eating for when it’s cold out,” Marlene said as she sat down on the opposite side of the table.

You slowly picked up the spoon and dipped it in the soup, scooping out a big piece of cornbread along with it. You brought the spoon up to your mouth and tasted the creamy potato soup and fresh cornbread as it slid down your throat. It was hot and delicious, you couldn’t deny that. Aly seemed to be enjoying hers as well.

Before you took another bite, you decided to get down to business. “Alright spill it, what were you gonna say upstairs?” you asked as you set your eyes on Marlene as she downed a bite of soup.

She sighed before she spoke, getting prepared for whatever she was going to tell you. “We’ve been working on a cure for awhile now. So far no luck, but we recently got something new. Something that will help us find a cure.”

She strummed her fingers on the table, contemplating whether to tell you or not. “Spit it out,” you said as you put some edge to your tone.

“There’s a girl. She was bit by an infected, but she’s immune. She never turned…” She glanced up slowly as she studied yours and Aly’s faces.

Aly about choked on her bite of food as she coughed for air. “Immune? How? That doesn’t seem possible.” She was stunned, her eyes wide as she stared at Marlene. She dropped her spoon on the table, and the sound rang through the cafe.

“Marlene? Is this true?” you asked with disbelief. Your eyes were probably as large as an owl’s in the nighttime.

“Believe it or not, but it’s true. She’s as real as a 14 year old can be,” she said proudly.

“How…how did you find this girl?” Aly asked with a shocked expression on her face, her blue eyes focused.

“I took her in when her mom died. Although she hasn’t been with me much. She grew up in a FEDRA military school. I kept my eyes on her, until I got notified that she snuck off one night. Found her later the next night and she had been bitten, so I brought her back with me to keep an eye on. I thought she would’ve turned that night, but she never did. So I brought her here. She’s going to cure the entire world, Joel. Can you believe it?” she asked with excitement in her voice, a big smile forming across her mouth.

“Hold on. How do you know it would even work?” Aly asked with a concerned glare.

“The doctors are working hard to get the cure ready. After the operation, I think they’ll have it,” she said confidently.

“What operation?” you daunted, your eyes narrowing.

“The surgery. They’re going to open up her brain and dissect it. The cordyceps fungal infection grows on the brain. Well they did some scans, and hers wasn’t growing any. It’s just staying dormant in her brain. So they’re going to take it out and study it.”

“That would kill her,” Aly said accusingly.

“Unfortunately, it might,” Marlene said knowingly. “This is an opportunity to get somewhere with a cure though.”

“Does she know what she’s signing up for?” You rested your elbows on the table and leaned forward, getting a better look at Marlene.

“She knows she has a chance to help society, that’s all she needs to know. I didn’t want to scare her out of the surgery, but unfortunately we have a problem. She ran off yesterday, right before she was supposed to get prepped for surgery. Some of the men are out there right now looking for her. So far nothing,” she said as she sighed and shook her head.

“Jesus Christ,” you answered, running a hand across your jaw. “It sounds like she didn’t want to go through with it.”

“We’ll find her. She has to be found. We need to get a cure,” she said with a concrete voice.

“What’d you do to her?” Aly asked in disgust.

“What do you mean?” Marlene asked with a raised eyebrow.

“You said you’ve been running tests. I saw all those vials of blood. What have you been doing with those? And don’t try to cover it up. Just tell the truth,” Aly said roughly as she glared at Marlene. That’s my girl.

“We’ve been taking her blood, trying different vaccine trials with it. A lot of volunteers have gladly donated themselves to the cause. We’ve had many different patients here take the vaccine trials.”

“And? What happened to those guinea pigs?”

Marlene was silent as she looked down at the ground, shaking her head slowly. “They all died…”

“Holy shit,” Aly answered as she gasped. “How many patients did you have?”

“Over 50…”

“Jesus,” she answered in shock. “And you expect this surgery to work? And how the hell would one little girl treat an entire population? It’s impossible. No, it’s actually insane,” she said as she pushed back her chair and stood up.

You stood up after her and kicked the chair in. “I think we’ve had enough for today, Marlene. Now if you’d be so kind as to get our bags and weapons, we’ll see ourselves out.” You folded your arms across your chest and frowned at her, showing her just how done you were.

“Joel…Aly…I’m just trying to do what’s best here. You’ve got to believe me,” she pleaded with heavy eyes.

“Look you can do whatever the fuck you want to do, but we’ll have no part in this. Got it? We’re just gonna go on our way and leave you and the rest of the fireflies to do what you need to do. But don’t ask us for a damn thing. We won’t help,” you glowered.

She sighed and nodded her head. “Fair enough. Your bags and weapons are just outside of here. I’ll have one of my men grab your horse. Kenny!” she yelled in the direction of the kitchen. An older man with a blonde buzz cut and combat attire came out of the swinging door at attention. “Be a dear and go get their horse for me. Just bring it up to the front. We’ll be right outside.” The man nodded and hurried off in the opposite direction.

“Are you sure I can’t convince you two to stay just one night? Get some rest. There’s plenty of empty beds here.”

“No.” It came out hard as you put your foot down. “We’re leaving, now.”

“Suit yourself. Follow me, I’ll show you where your things are.” She led you out the side exit door from the cafe, and it led you outside near the front.

The air was crisp and chilly. You pulled your jacket a little tighter and saw Aly pull her white jacket back on. You turned the corner and saw a small pile of your backpacks and weapons.

“Your men didn’t steal anything from us did they?” you asked suspiciously.

“No, I made sure of it. It’s all there,” she said with a promising look.

“Good.” Your face was tense from flexing your jaw. This whole place gave you the creeps. You needed to get the hell out of here.

Kenny brought Shimmer around the front, hauling her by the reins. Shimmer neighed happily when she saw you and Aly. Her shiny coat glistened in the sun, and she looked like she was well rested.

“Hey, Shimmer. I missed you,” Aly said as she walked up to her and stroked her back. Shimmer leaned into her touch, and Aly laughed with joy filling her voice. You smiled at the view, Aly’s smile becoming one of your favorite things.

You quickly loaded up the bags on Shimmer and situated the rifle around your back, tucking the knife and handgun into your pockets. Aly did the same except this time she took the shotgun and strapped it around her back. Look at her, taking on the bigger gun. Atta girl.

You were about to hop up on Shimmer, but a pair of hands stopped you, pulling you back. “Joel, gonna have to ask you for a favor. If you somehow find her on your way to Jackson, bring her back. Please. She’s wearing a purple jacket and Converse shoes. She has a bite mark on her inner right lower arm, short brown hair and green eyes. Her name is Ellie.” Marlene stared at you with dark brown eyes, her gaze weighing in on you.

“I’m not going to be a part of this, Marlene. I’m not with the fireflies,” you said back harshly.

“Joel, I’m not asking. Bring her back.” She was glaring at you with crossed arms.

“Is that a threat?”

“Could be. Don’t think you want to find out.”

Your jaw tightened as your eyes narrowed into tiny slits. “Have your own men do your dirty work. I’m not a smuggler anymore and I sure as hell am not going to be getting involved in this.” Your voice raised, the veins in your neck bulging.

Marlene scowled as she looked at you with hatred swaying in her eyes. “Watch your back, Joel Miller. You don’t want to be on the wrong side when shit hits the fan.”

You gave her one more hard glare before you turned on your heel and jumped up on Shimmer’s back. Before Aly could take your hand, Marlene put a hand on her shoulder and turned her around to face her.

“You be careful with this one. I wouldn’t trust him if I were you,” she warned Aly as she flicked her eyes up to you and then back down to Aly. Blood boiled in your body, you wanted to snap her in half for what she just said. Trying to get Aly to turn on you. Fucking bitch.

Aly tore Marlene’s hand off her shoulder as she backed up to Shimmer. “I trust him with my whole life, thanks though. You’re not gonna tear me away from this one,” she spat at Marlene as she put her hand in yours, and you pulled her up on Shimmer.

“Joel,” Marlene tried again with more urgency.

“Goodbye, Marlene,” you said sternly as you pulled on the reins, making Shimmer make a dash for it. You slashed the reins again, and Shimmer moved like lightning. Aly grabbed on to you tight, her arms squeezing your abs forcefully as Shimmer’s hooves stomped the ground.

The wind blew through your hair as the high pitched whistle of the breeze sounded through your ears. You needed to get away from the hospital as fast as possible before you did something you’d regret. Your anger always got the best of you, now you needed to control yourself.

You looked back behind you as the hospital and city started disappearing, getting smaller and smaller the further Shimmer carried you. As soon as you crossed into a sea of trees you slowed Shimmer down, almost to a complete stop as she slowly trotted ahead.

Aly loosened her grip on you and sighed. “So that was Marlene.” It was more a statement than a question as it left her mouth.

“A ray of sunshine isn’t she?” you asked sarcastically.

You felt the quiet shake in her chest as she let out a small laugh and then her voice went serious. “Can you believe it? A girl that’s immune to the virus?”

You went quiet, thinking about everything that Marlene said. “I don’t really know what to think of it,” you said honestly. It was a lot to process.

“Why do you think she ran away?”

“Apparently she didn’t want to be studied like a lab rat anymore,” you said as you looked around the area. You grabbed the map out of your pocket and studied it, deciding which way you’d go. Wyoming was just north east of here, so you were on the right track. You folded up the fading map and placed it back in your pocket. “We should be there in a day or two, depending on how much ground we cover today,” you said as Aly looked over your shoulder.

“What if we find Ellie?” she asked quietly, questions brewing inside her.

“We won’t,” you said with a hard edge to your voice.

“But what if we did. What would you do?” There was a burning question hanging on her lips. She wanted to know what you would do. You hadn’t thought about it because it wasn’t going to be your business. You weren’t going to take in or help a little girl period. You had no desire to get involved with this. You owed Marlene nothing, and you sure as hell didn’t want to see her face again or have her hunt you down.

“Absolutely nothing. I’m not getting involved. And besides, we ain’t gonna find her,” you said with finality in your voice.

Aly sighed behind you. You could feel her wanting to say something, holding whatever it was inside. You rolled your eyes and asked. “What? Go ahead and say whatever it is you want to.”

“I just…if she ran away she must be so scared. Out here all alone. I just feel bad, that’s all. Who knows what all they did to her back at the hospital. I just hope she’s okay.”

You looked out of the corner of your eye and saw that worried look she had in her gaze. Those blue eyes were staring out into the unknown, her eyebrows furrowed, the gears in her head grinding. She looked distressed, conflicted.

“Look, I don’t necessarily agree with what they were doing back there either, but it’s out of our hands.”

“Guess so…” Her voice trailed off as it carried through the wind. She was upset. You ran your hand through your tousled hair as the wind blew it back and sighed. There was nothing you could say about the situation to put her at ease, so you just stopped talking about it.

The rest of the ride was silent, tense as the day dragged on. You didn’t really feel like getting into a heavy conversation, so you just kept quiet. Aly was clearly upset with everything that had happened earlier, and you wish you never would’ve ran into the fireflies now.

The silence was killing you, so you turned around and looked straight into her diamond eyes as you sat a hand on her thigh. She responded by putting her hand on top of yours. It was warm, comforting. A feeling you invited, craved.

“You alright?” you asked as you studied her eyes, watching the way her chest rose and fell in waves with every breath she took. Watching the way her long eyelashes fluttered every time she blinked.

“I’m okay, promise,” she said with a smile that crept up to the sides of her lips. Those rosy, lush lips. Lips you wanted to sink into. You took your gaze off her lips and followed the trail back up to her eyes.

You knew deep down something was still bothering her, but you didn’t want to push your luck. So you just nodded your head and gave her one last squeeze as you took your hand off her thigh and turned back around.

After a few seconds she leaned into you and wrapped her arms around your waist. You breathed out a sigh of relief as you took one of your hands and stroked hers in return, your fingertips sliding over her smooth skin as the breeze picked up.

“Let’s just find Tommy and hope we can finally rest somewhere in peace,” she breathed against your back.

“We’ll find him, don’t worry.” You hoped you were right. Tommy was the last stop, and you needed it to be a safe space. For you and Aly’s sake.

Evening rolled around fast as the day faded away, the sunset high in the sky. It was about to be dark and you still hadn’t found shelter for the night. As the day turned into dusk, the cold air became more bitter. Snow still stuck to the ground with no sign of it going away anytime soon.

“Joel, how much longer? I’m so tired,” Aly slurred into your ear, her body hanging against you as she leaned all her weight into you.

“Not much longer, baby. Just let me scope out an area that’s at least covered. That wind is too cold to be out in the open. Just hold on,” you said assuring her as you ran your thumb across the back of her hand.

She hummed in acknowledgment as she took in your gentle graze across her hand. “Mkay,” she lulled.

You looked left and right, looking for just the right place to stop for the night. There were no houses to be seen anywhere, just endless trees, mountains and forests. There had to be something around here. You wouldn’t give up.

You went about another mile until you heard a slight noise to your left, ahead of you. It sounded like someone was crying or whimpering. You couldn’t tell which it was.

You slowed Shimmer’s trot down to a slow walk, wanting to sneak up on whoever was around the corner. Aly must’ve heard it too cause she was now sitting up straight and was on guard.

“Did you hear that too?” you asked her as you turned to look at her face.

“What was that?” she asked quietly.

“I don’t know, but we’re about to find out.”

Shimmer slowly walked up to where the sound was heard, neighing softly as her footsteps were light in the snow. She took a few more steps, and Aly gasped. “Joel, stop!” She grabbed the reins and halted Shimmer. “Look!”

You turned to the left to see what she was looking at, and the moment you did your breath caught. You couldn’t tell if your mind was playing tricks on you or not, but what stood behind a large sequoia tree shocked the hell out of you. A girl with a purple jacket, baggy blue jeans and Converse stood peeking out from behind the trunk of the tree. Green eyes gazed back at you nervously. She had short brown hair and freckles scattered lightly across her nose. She looked both timid and anxious like she could either pounce or run away at any second.

It was the girl Marlene had told you about. Ellie. “Holy shit,” you breathed as you stared at her, unable to move. Not knowing what the hell to do.

Without even comprehending what was happening you felt Aly’s weight shift behind you, then she was jumping down off Shimmer. “Aly, don’t!” you hissed at her trying to stop her, but it was too late. She was slowly inching her way over to where Ellie was.

Goddamn it.

Chapter 23

Series Masterlist

#joel miller #joel tlou #joel the last of us #tlou fanfiction #joel x female reader #joel miller smut #joel miller fic #joel x oc #protective joel #joel miller fanfiction #look for the light #angst #slow burn

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myglassesareinkansas · 1 year ago

Text

the meaning of aloha

Book: Open Heart

Pairing: Bryce Lahela x F!MC

Rating: Gen

Warnings: Angst, Discussion of Death

Summary:

aloha (n.): love, affection, peace, compassion, and mercy; a force that holds together existence

Bryce receives the worst news of his life, and to make it worse, he's in love with Casey. And she's about to die.

Tagging: @openheartfanfics, @choicesficwriterscreations, and @mydemonsdrivealimo

AO3 Link: Here

His entire body trembles, but he holds his head high as he pushes his way past the other doctors. Most of them whisper amongst themselves in the hallways, and here and there, he catches words like anthrax and ricin. There’s a pair of attendings wondering how Casey isn’t dead right now. Others who say they hope Travis suffers.

The nurses huddle around their station, and Bryce stumbles over his feet. Marlene rubs Sienna’s back as she lowers herself into one of the chairs.

“I had a date with Danny tomorrow,” she says, looking up with puffy eyes. “What’s—Marlene, what’s going to happen to him? Sarah? Does anyone know what’s happening to Casey?”

He dips his head, trying to remain nondescript as he shoves open the stairwell door.

“Bryce?”

He ignores her.

“Bryce!” Esme reaches out and grabs his arm. “What’s going on?”

He swallows and shakes her hand off of him. “I just need to go, Esme. Ask Ethan. Or anyone else, really, I just—I need to go.”

She frowns and locks her hand around his wrist. “Like hell. Are you seriously going to leave your girlfriend behind now? When she needs you most?” With her free hand, she points furiously back upstairs. “I know she’s in there! I know my resident is fighting for her life! And like a coward, you’re running away.”

He shakes his head. “I’m not running away.”

“Sure looks like it to me.”

Bryce squeezes his eyes shut, begging his tears to stay away. “Jackie and Elijah are off today. Unless Casey or Sienna texted them, they have no way of knowing what just happened in there. They need to know—” They need to know that Casey might be dead tonight. He shakes his head again and pries Esme’s hand off his wrist. “And I need to make sure my little sister will be safe tonight.”

Esme blinks. “Do you think—”

“Esme, I’ve gotta go.” He doesn’t wait for her response, just sprints down the stairs. His lungs burn, from tears or from running, he doesn’t know.

People call his name. Surgical residents congratulate him on Kyra’s surgery. The one he kicked out of the OR glares at him. Ines tries to talk to him. He can’t hear them. His ears ring, and he grabs his keys and sprints outside.

Once he’s in his car, he breathes deeply. Or at least, he tries to. His breaths come fast and shallow, his hands shake, and he rests his head on his steering wheel.

Fuck.

His body starts to shake again, and as he’s reaching for the blanket in his car — the one that Casey told him to keep on hand, with how cold he gets in Boston weather and how traffic is — the shaking stops, and he bursts into tears.

“Fuck!” He buries his face in his hands, a sob tearing from the back of his throat. “Fucking —” he slams his left hand on the top of the steering wheel “— dammit!” His shoulders curl inwards, and sobs rack his body.

She can’t die. She can’t die. I can’t lose her. I can’t—

The sobs come louder now, and he hasn’t cried like this since he was eighteen years old, and he was flying all the way to Ohio State by himself, with no money, no family, and no friends. He hasn’t cried like this since his favorite teacher, the one who believed in him, the one who believed he could be a great surgeon like Michael DeBakey, fell victim to his parents’ schemes and looked at him with such hurt and betrayal every day of the year after that. He hasn’t cried like this since he was alone and unloved and unlovable, when life was hopeless and he had to carve out hope for himself.

Except there’s not hope now, not really.

Casey’s his best friend, his girlfriend, and he just—he cares about her so much. Everything inside of him begs God to rewind the clock, to put him in that room with the senator when Travis deployed the canister, to let him take Casey’s place. If one of us has to die, let it be me. Not her. Don’t let her die.

I love her.

He screams, his voice scratching the back of his throat, his fingers tugging at his hair. Why did it take so long for me to know? Why did I have to wait?

I love her. I love her I love her I love her.

And she’s going to die.

***

“Okay, Keiki, I’m not going to be back until tomorrow at the earliest.” Bryce moves into his bedroom, chewing his bottom lip. He idly picks up his overnight back and sets it down.

Keiki leans against the doorframe, her arms crossed over her chest. “Why?”

He sighs and grabs a fresh pair of scrubs and shoves them into his bag. “I told you, there was an assassination attempt at the hospital. They might need me.”

“There are other surgeons.”

He stands up straight, dropping his boxers on the cover. “Casey was a victim of the attack, too. She’s alive —” he nearly chokes on the next words “—for now, but it’s not looking good. One person died already, one’s in a coma, and I don’t think Raf has too much time either.” He shakes his head and moves into the bathroom. “I’m going to stay with her.”

Keiki bites the inside of her cheek and steps into his bedroom. “Anything I can do?”

Bryce tosses his toiletry bag onto the bed and drops to the ground, fishing under his bed for a pair of shoes. “Uh, can you try and find my green sweatshirt? The one from my surfing days? It’s Casey’s favorite.”

She nods and starts rifling through his closet.

“You know the drill: leftovers in the fridge, and you can use my DoorDash account if there’s nothing in there. Don’t leave the apartment unless there’s an emergency, you have my number and Case—” he swallows. “If there’s some kind of danger, go to Mrs. Zimmerman across the hall. She’s a sweet old lady, makes the best cakes, and she’ll take care of you.”

“I know the drill.” Keiki steps away from the closet, a sweatshirt folded over her arm. “I couldn’t find the one you were talking about, but I’ve seen Casey wear this one before.”

Bryce tosses a pair of tennis shoes on his bed and grabs the sweatshirt from Keiki. “Dammit, Casey must still have it at her place. Alright, this is fine.” He kisses Keiki’s head. “Thanks, Keiks. You know I love you, but…”

He’s never said it out loud before.

She nods understandingly and sits on his bed. “You love Casey more.”

He nods in agreement. “Yeah.”

“Have you told her?”

He ignores her, roughly shoving his clothes and shoes into his overnight bag. When he gets to the sweatshirt, he folds it carefully. Casey might not be able to wear it just yet, not while she’s in a hospital gown, but maybe…

“Can you grab the blanket from the couch? Not the one you use for bed, the other one?”

She frowns. “You didn’t answer my question, Bryce.”

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “What do you think?” He shakes his head and stalks to the living room. “And now she might die before I can tell her.”

Keiki trails him. “So then tell her! What’s the worst that can happen?” She hops over the coffee table and sits on the blanket before Bryce can pull it to safety. “She already knows the worst stuff about you, and she stuck around.” She clears her throat and shifts on the blanket so he has no chance of pulling it away. “And if she doesn’t have the same feelings, well…at least you told her.”

“Keiks, I—I don’t know. I just…”

She stands up, eyes on fire. “Bryce Kai Lahela, you do not have the luxury of waiting. With Morgan, yeah, I understand. You were in high school, and Mom and Dad fucked her family over. But that’s not Casey. Please, just…don’t do something you’ll regret.” She hands him the blanket. “Tell her.”

He kisses her forehead. “See you tomorrow.”

***

Jackie runs up to him as soon as he steps back out of his car. “Where the hell were you?”

He glares at Jackie and slams his car door shut. His car beeps when he locks it. “In case you forgot, I have a little sister under my guardianship. I had to make sure she would be okay.” He shakes his overnight bag in her face, his keys also jingling with the movement. “Also, had to pack one of these. Like hell if I leave my girlfriend behind.”

She ducks her head. “Sorry, I just—”

He nods and shoulders his way inside. “I know. You’re worried about her. All of us are.” He clears his throat. “Where’s Elijah?”

Jackie walks in front of him. “Follow me.”

“Jackie, please —”

She turns and shushes him before grabbing his wrist. Dragging him along, she leads him into the locker room, where Elijah is just finishing up a call.

“Alright. Tell me if it reminds you of anything.” He turns around, face falling when he sees Bryce. “Sorry, that was one of my undergrad professors. He taught history of medicine and science, so I was hoping he knew something about reactions to biological weapons. Maybe something useful.” He lifts one shoulder in a half shrug. “Shoulda known better, though. He hasn’t done any research on this topic for decades.”

Bryce opens his locker and tosses his overnight bag inside. “That’s okay. It might help, and he might go through his research. Or talk to someone who might know.” He jerks his head in the direction of Casey’s room. “C’mon, let’s go see her.”

Jackie holds up a finger. “Hold on, Aurora’s on her way.”

Aurora runs inside the hospital a few minutes later, shoving past the handful of security guards — all of them shaken — with a shout and “I’m Harper Emery’s niece, let me in!” When she reaches the three of them, she slows to a walk and smooths her hair. “Where is she?”

“Follow me.” They stop at the nurses’ station to pick up Sienna, and then Bryce is jogging to the elevator, bouncing on the balls of his feet. Jackie rests a hand on his shoulder.

“She’ll be alright.”

He stares straight ahead. “You didn’t see her. Or Raf.” He hangs his head. “Fuck.”

“Either way,” Jackie shakes him a bit, “Casey’s probably scared out of her fucking mind. She trusts you. She loves you. Don’t make her more afraid than she already is.”

He lolls his head. “How in the hell am I supposed to do that?”

The elevator door dings and slides open. Jackie twists her lips. “I don’t know.”

Bryce leads them down the hall towards Casey’s room. As they get closer, he squares his shoulders and forces a smile, but he knows it doesn’t reach his eyes. And he knows Casey will notice it, too.

Casey gapes at them when they get to her room. She offers him a relieved smile and holds her hand up to the glass. His bravado melts into something more sincere, and though his smile isn’t as wide, it’s genuine, and he presses his hand against the glass. “Told you I’d be back. This time I brought some company.”

Her roommates crowd the front of the windows, speaking animatedly to her and Raf. He wants to sag against the wall and cry and cry and cry some more, but he tries to keep a brave face on. For her or for himself, he’s not entirely sure.

Ethan steps back and stands next to him. “It’s good. That you’re doing this, I mean. It’s helping her.”

He shrugs, his eyes still trained on Casey. “I wanted her to see her friends. They’re important to her.”

“So are you.” Ethan studies him for a moment. “How are you holding up?” He jerks his head in Casey’s direction. “She talks about you all the time, you know. And I’ve seen you two together.”

Bryce resists the urge to cross his arms. “So?”

“So this has to be just as hard on you for an entirely different reason.” Ethan sighs and squeezes his shoulder. “Look, in my experience, it’s just as difficult to deliver bad news to loved ones as it is to deliver the bad news to the patient. In fact, I think it’s harder. So how are you holding up?”

Bryce licks his lips. “It sucks,” he says quietly.

Ethan nods and faces forward once again. “I wish we’d never taken the senator on as a patient. Not that I’d wish this even on Tobias, but maybe…”

Maybe Casey wouldn’t have been caught in the crossfire.

He nods. “Yeah.”

Jackie gestures around at the lot of them. “We’re going to figure this out. All of us.”

Bryce steps forward and tries to force a smile. “I’m just a surgeon, but I’ll offer whatever help I can.” And it’s fucking nothing.

Casey’s eyes well with tears, and she shuffles closer. “Now’s not the time for that confidence of yours to do a runner, Bryce.”

Sienna cranes her neck to see him. “Yeah, you’re not just anything.”

He meets Casey’s gaze, and he prays she can read the love in his eyes. I’ll do whatever I can to save you. “Sorry, I mean we’ve got this.”

Casey wipes her cheeks furiously. “That’s better.”

Everything in him wants to reach for her, to tug her into his arms and bury his face in the crook of her neck, to squeeze her hair and whisper that he loves her. He wants to hold her hand and kiss her face and cradle her cheeks in his hands.

But in between them is a wall of glass, impenetrable, separating the dying from the living. “See you soon, Case.”

***

Baz leans back in his chair, shaking his head solemnly.

Bryce’s heart sinks. “So June was wrong?” We don’t have much time left.

“No,” Baz says, scratching the stubble on his chin, “June was right. It’s a maitotoxin.”

A heart-wrenching sob tears from Sienna’s throat. Elijah reaches up to rub her shoulder in consolation. Ethan pinches the bridge of his nose and leans against the wall. Jackie sets her chin, tears filling her eyes.

Bryce swallows, furrowing his brow. “But —” his blood runs cold, and he shudders as a shiver runs up his spine. “Fuck, there’s no cure for that.” He searches for a friend in the lab, but Sienna’s sobbing, Elijah’s fighting his own tears, Jackie won’t meet his eye, and he knows no one else except Ethan. He holds Ethan’s eye. “Casey’s—that means Casey’s going to die?”

The crushing weight of it all threatens to gut him. He stands up, and he nearly pitches forward. His stomach lurches, and whether that’s from a need to vomit or from the sobs threatening to bubble up, he doesn’t know. “I’m going to lose her,” he whispers.

Baz reaches out and catches his wrist. “She’s not gone yet.” With his free hand, he rubs his forehead. “We’ll try and save Rafael too, of course, but Casey’s lucky because she didn’t get as much of the toxin. She might survive.”

Bryce shakes off his hand. “Baz, what are the chances of her making it?” He shoves his hand through his hair, his chest heaving. “There’s no cure. And even if you guys could make one, she doesn’t have weeks! She doesn’t even have days! She —”

Ethan crosses the room quickly and sets both hands on his shoulders. “I know you care about her —”

Bryce shoves Ethan away. “Like hell! She’s my girlfriend, and I lo—” he sucks in a deep breath. “What can you all do? None of you are God! She’s going to die here, and if not tonight, then tomorrow, and —” his knees buckle. Ethan wraps an arm around him and helps lower him to the ground.

No one speaks.

***

He doesn’t know how his feet move. Right now, it feels like he can’t breathe, like his lungs stop before he can breathe in. His body trembles with each step, and yet, he can’t move quickly enough, can’t wait to stand in front of Casey’s room and see her alive for one of the last times.

Bryce squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head once. Tears escape down his cheeks, and he quickly reaches up to swipe them away. Sienna cries softly, her head on Jackie’s shoulder. In front of him, he can hear Elijah sniffling. The diagnosticians try to exude confidence, try and hold their chins high, but Baz’s eyes fill with tears.

And Casey will know it’s bad news.

She’s so far away from him.

He would do anything to trade places with her, even just to be in the same room as her and hold her and kiss her and tell her that he loves her and everything will be okay, but the glass windows that separate the living from the dying hold firm. Her face falls when her eyes meet his.

She swallows. “What is it?”

Ethan sighs deeply and runs a hand through his hair. Baz turns his head and swipes at his cheeks. Only June seems to have any level of composure.

“It’s a maitotoxin,” Ethan says. “One I’ve never seen before.” His voice gets quieter the more he explains.

Bryce finds himself gently shouldering himself forward, hand itching to touch the glass, to assure Casey that he’s there for her.

“We’ll find a way,” Ethan says. “We’ll fix this.”

Jackie lifts her chin. “You have the smartest diagnostic minds and the best residents at the hospital on this case. We’ll definitely find a cure with the nine of us working on it.”

“Make that more.” Aurora waves Tobias and a few other Mass Kenmore doctors forward. “I present you the best minds Mass Kenmore can offer.”

Bryce doesn’t hear much else, but he meets Aurora’s eyes, then Tobias’s, and prays that they can see what his voice fails to say. Thank you. Thank you for giving her another chance at life.

The diagnosticians wave goodbye to Casey and head back to the lab, but he stays by the window. He puts his hands in his white coat pocket, takes them out, and shakes them a little bit. When Casey tilts her head, studying him, he tries to force a smile. It won’t reach his eyes.

He clears his throat. “It’s all gonna be okay, Casey. I promise.” I pray. I pray, I promise. He shuffles closer. The glass is too damn thick.

She sniffles and presses her lips together. “You don’t have to be optimistic for my sake.” A stray tear falls down her cheek, and she reaches up to rub it away with her thumb.

Bryce sighs and licks his lips. His own eyes well with tears. This is harder than I thought it could be. She’s so small, and her body jerks with shivers. Her knees buckle, and she sways on her feet, but she refuses to move back to her bed. She stays with him, and he will stay with her, until death do them part.

“…I’m not,” he admits. “It’s for my sake. If I don’t stay optimistic —” he shakes his head ruefully, lifting his hand to the glass again, “— I’m gonna fucking lose it.” He breathes in shakily, past the point of caring about the unshed tears in his eyes. “I can’t let myself do that. Not yet.”

She steps forward and lifts both hands to the glass.

He presses his forehead to the window. “Not while there’s still hope,” he whispers.

“Bryce, I’m scared,” she whispers, her voice carrying through the glass. “I’m going to die tonight.”

His heart twinges. “What if I stayed with you for a while? Would that help? There’s another hazmat suit out here.” And he hates it, hates that he can only see her while wrapped in twenty pounds of plastic and completely unable to feel her skin, unable to kiss her, to press his forehead to hers. But it’s something, it would allow him to be with her, and he would cut off ten years of his life for the opportunity to be with her now.

She nods quickly. “Please stay with me tonight.”

Immediately, he suits up. Doesn’t give a damn whether or not he’s actually doing it right, but he saw June, Baz, and Ethan all do it before — twice, actually — and he’s itching to get in there and hold his girlfriend in his arms. As soon as he can, he steps through the decontamination tent, and envelops Casey in his arms.

She sighs in relief, her left arm tucked under his right and her right arm wrapped tightly around his neck. “Thank you,” she whispers, and he’s almost certain he can hear her tears dripping onto his hazmat suit.

He squeezes her tighter. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” If I could’ve done anything — maybe I should’ve stayed in Kyra’s surgery, maybe invited her to watch, gotten lunch with her — maybe…

There’s nothing more in the world he wants to do than kiss her, so he settles on pulling her as close to himself as he dares, with her lungs as weak as they are.

She shakes her head. “It’s not your fault.”

He nods. “I know. I know it’s not—it’s only Travis’s and maybe that shit senator’s. But I’m so sorry. I wish I could do more.”

Casey steps away from him and studies him.

Bryce clears his throat and forces his smile again. It comes a bit easier, now that he can hold her in his arms. “So, am I handsome? Or am I somehow even more handsome in this suit? Be honest and know that I only accept constructive criticism in the form of praise.” His heart hammers in his chest.

At the sound of her telltale giggle, he relaxes. “It’s not quite doing it for me, I’m not going to lie. Still handsome and still the best eye candy in the hospital, but I’m docking points because I can’t see your hair.”

He nods solemnly. “Fair. My hair is my best feature.” Casey giggles again, and instinctively, he reaches out to brush his fingers over her cheek. “Let’s try and get your mind off this. What’s your favorite thing?”

She twists her lips. “You,” she says so quietly that he’s not sure he heard her right.

“Yeah?” he asks, the first genuine smile gracing his lips since this morning.

She nods again. “Yeah.”

“Doesn’t surprise me. Not to make you feel like you’re not special, but I’m a lot of people’s reason for living.” Please keep living. Keep fighting. If for no other reason, then for me.

Her jaw drops and she gently shoves him. “No fair! You asked me my favorite thing, not my reason for living. In light of the new phrasing, I’m changing my answer to ‘pictures of cute animals.’”

He chuckles, shaking his head. “Okay, fair. Even I can’t be mad at that.”

She smiles brightly, in deep contrast to how frail her body is. Reaching out, she brushes his helmet. “Gosh, you’re pretty.”

And he doesn’t know why that cripples him, why that brings the tears back into his chest, but his smile falls, and he bites back tears. For her sake. She can’t know how scared he is.

Her eyes widen. “What’s wrong? Did I say something wrong?”

He shakes his head rapidly. “No.” He clears his throat. “I just…Case, I really am trying to stay positive. We both have to. But…but when I heard you were in danger, my heart stopped.” He holds his hand up to his stomach. “It dropped. I was so scared for you, Case. I was terrified, and I don’t—I’ve never been that scared before, and I pray to God I don’t have to be again.”

Casey nods, avoiding his eyes. She holds her left elbow in her hand, her free arm hanging limply at her side. “I know what you mean.”

Bryce squeezes her arm. “I called your parents.”

She sniffles, eyes flicking to his. “They’re visiting my brother in Oregon.”

“They said that. They’re gonna get here as soon as they can. Apparently, Logan’s also trying to make it up here, but they told me to tell you that it might be hard.”

“I wish I had my phone. Just so I could talk to them, y’know.” Her tears are flowing more freely. “To say goodbye.” She clears her throat and looks up at him. “I’m glad I got that with you, at least.”

He cups her face in his plastic gloved hands. Theoretically, he could chicken out right now. Could just tell her that she means a lot to him, more than she knows, but it’s her last night, and he would hate himself if he never told her. “I love you, Casey. More than you know, probably. And the idea of losing you…” his throat closes, a rock forming, so he shakes his head ruefully. He meets her eyes. “I love you so very much, Casey Grace Valentine. More than anything.”

Despite the saddened goodbye, the desperate reveal, her smile is genuine, and despite the plastic helmet on his head, she stands on her tiptoes and kisses the front of his mask. “I love you, too, Bryce Lahela. More than anything, and more than anyone.” Casey shuffles forward and presses her forehead to his chest. He wraps his arms around her. “And if tonight’s my last night on earth, then you’re the one I want to spend it with.”

He clears his throat, trying to avoid propping his chin on her head. It couldn’t be comfortable. “Well, damn, Casey. Talk about bittersweet.”

She steps back and twines her fingers in his. “So maybe we can just focus on the sweet part?”

Bryce nods. “You should get some rest.” He hates saying it, because as long as she’s awake, he knows she’s alive, and he can hear her voice, can share whispered I love yous between them, but her body is fighting to give her even the smallest chance, and she keeps swaying on her feet.

Nodding, she shuffles to the bed, but as soon as she reaches it, she turns to face him. “Would you hold me?”

His smile is watery. “I’d love to, Casey.” The setup is awkward, with the tiny hospital bed and his bulky hazmat suit, but they make it work, and he curls around her body, pulling her as close to himself as he can manage. If he closes his eyes, he thinks he can feel her heartbeat against his chest. But he can also hear it on the monitor, and right now, that’s the most beautiful sound in the world to him.

Well. Second, really, only to Casey’s voice.

She runs her fingers over his suit. “I wish I could feel your skin.”

He shifts, trying to assure her of their closeness. “You will.”

With her back to him, he can’t see her tears, but he can hear them in her voice and when she sniffles. “I wish I could kiss you.”

His heart shatters, and he hates, he despises how this might be her last night, and they won’t even share a last kiss. But she doesn’t need his anger or depression now, she needs assurance. She needs the unshakable Bryce Lahela, so he forces confidence into his voice and props himself up so she can hear him better. “Sorry, was I mumbling? You will, Casey. You’re going to get through this.”

She tugs him back to their original position, his arm draped tightly over her stomach. “Bryce, there’s not a cure for a maitotoxin. If I don’t die tonight, I die tomorrow. And—and I won’t be able to kiss you one last time, or feel your skin. I won’t be able to run my hands through your hair again or—or make love with you again or anything.” She chokes on a sob. “And that’s not to mention my roommates or my family. They’re downstairs, working on a cure that will probably come too late instead of saying goodbye.”

“Or they’re saving your life.”

“It will be too late!” she shouts. “I’m going to die, Bryce. You’re a surgeon. We’re both doctors, so you and I both know that I’m not walking out of this alive.”

He sighs deeply. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with hoping right now, Case. It’s all we have.”

Her shoulders shake. “I’m scared, Bryce. Just…tell me it’ll be okay.”

Bryce brushes her hair away from her neck. “It will be, Casey, I really believe that. Ethan and the others will come through.” He pulls her so close to him that the plastic probably does no good, but he couldn’t care less. “Until then,” he says, “just stay with me.”

She nods. “I love you. So much.”

He wishes he could kiss her. “I love you, too.”

***

He doesn’t sleep. His body wants to, of course, but the adrenaline still pulses through his veins, and the idea that if he closes his eyes, Casey might stop breathing and her heart might stop beating is too much for him to bear, so he keeps himself awake.

He prays, too. Not because he’s particularly religious, but if there’s one thing he has left, it’s hope, and he can’t see where God or the universe would hold it against him to hope, to pray. He doesn’t know who to pray to, really, so he just throws it out there and hopes something sticks. It has to. It has to.

Around five or six in the morning — Bryce can’t see the clock around all the plastic covering, but the sun is rising — Casey wakes up with a jerk, looks around wildly, catches his eye, and retches into the sick bag by her bed. He bites his lip and rubs her back soothingly. When the nausea stops, she leans back into his chest, blinking tiredly.

“I hate this,” she says. Her lips are dry.

With his plastic-covered hands, he smooths her hair away from her face. “Do you have a hair tie?”

She shakes her head, but there’s a small smile on her mouth. “Guess I didn’t die last night, after all.”

He squeezes her shoulder. “See? There’s still hope.”

The bags under her eyes have grown darker. Vomit crusts the corners of her mouth. She can’t stop shivering, and she keeps scratching her skin. Her voice is weak.

There’s still hope, he said, but she just keeps getting worse. He can hope and pray all he wants, but her death is fast-approaching, and if the other doctors can’t come through by this afternoon…

Ethan, Baz, and June walk into the room. Casey’s roommates crowd around the window, Sienna nearly bouncing on the balls of her feet. Jackie smiles, and Elijah reaches out to grip her hand. Tobias meets Ethan’s eye and nods once.

Bryce sits up immediately. Does that mean…?

Jackie can’t contain her glee. “We did it! We found a cure.”

Ethan nods slightly, a smile curling at his mouth. “At least, we hope so.”

Both Bryce and Casey furrow their brows. “You hope so?”

Tobias clears his throat. “We didn’t exactly have time to test it out.”

Sienna hooks a thumb in his direction. “But we administered it to Rafael. It—it might be too late for him, but…”

“—but he hasn’t shown any signs of getting worse,” Elijah chips in. He nods at Casey. “There’s hope. We think it’ll work.”

Casey hums. “What else do I have to lose?”

Ethan steps forward, syringe in hand. “If you would.”

Casey holds her arm out to him, but her body has clearly weakened overnight. Bryce cradles her against his chest, holding her arm still as Ethan prepares the injection. “How do we know if it works?”

Ethan shrugs, sliding the needle into her vein. “I’m assuming something similar as what has happened to Mr. Aveiro: no worsening of symptoms and hopefully even improvement. We’ll run some tests in a few hours, assuming you feel the same or better.” He steps back. “Dr. Lahela, if you would.”

Bryce’s eyes flash. “You honest to God think I’m leaving her here?”

June sighs. “You have to. The hazmat suit only has so much available oxygen, and you stretched it far beyond its limit already. We don’t want to have to admit you, too.”

He sets his jaw. “I’m willing to take that risk.”

Casey gently places her hand on his chest. “But I’m not. They’ll come get you if anything happens to me.” Her eyes seek out her friends and colleagues. “Right?”

They all nod. “I’ll send for Bryce personally,” Baz replies.

She squeezes his hand, and for a second, he thinks he can feel her skin. “Go,” she whispers. “I have a fighting chance now.”

***

“You need to get some sleep,” Jackie tells him, handing him a cup of coffee all the same.

Bryce takes it from her, mouthing his thanks, and lifts it to his lips. Across the room, Tobias shakes Ethan’s hand, clapping him on the shoulder. Aurora stands behind him, shifting her weight from foot to foot. When it looks like he’s about to leave, she hooks her thumb over her shoulder, and he nods.

“Sienna,” Aurora says, crossing the room, “you should get some sleep, too.”

Sienna wipes her eyes hastily. “Danny’s dead, Aurora.”

Aurora presses her lips together and rubs her back soothingly. “I’m so sorry, Sienna.”

Bryce nods, lowering his cup of coffee. “I’m sorry for your loss, Sienna.” He sighs, sets down his drink, and wraps her in a hug. “Truly, I’m so sorry.”

She sniffles and squeezes him tightly. “But Raf and Casey are still here. That’s good.” She steps back and forces a smile. “It makes it easier, I think.”

Aurora wraps an arm around her shoulder and guides her to the on-call room. Bryce sighs again and leans against the countertop, reaching behind him to grab his coffee.

Jackie crosses her arms. “So?”

He looks up. “So what?”

“You’re not going to get some sleep?”

He pinches the bridge of his nose and knocks back what’s left in his cup. The coffee is lukewarm. “I need to check on Keiki and give her an update. And I know the Valentines are on their way, so I should get in contact with them, tell them Case is still alive. At least I have some good news for them.”

Jackie grabs his shoulders and steers him out of the break room. “And you’ll have more soon. We can’t confirm anything yet, and you need to rest.”

“Jackie, I —”

She stops and moves to stand in front of him. “You’re not the only person who cares about her.” She gestures vaguely around the hallway. “Why else do you think we stayed up all night to synthesize a cure? Why Aurora brought her colleagues from Mass Ken? Why Tobias and Ethan set aside their differences to work on this?” Jackie glances over her shoulder and leans closer. “Dude, Sienna was crushing hard on Danny, and he died, and she still continued to work on this cure to help Casey.”

He nods and bites his thumbnail. “No, I know. I know how close you all are, but—Jackie, she’s the love of my life.” It comes out easier now, now that Casey knows. “I can’t stand not knowing.”

“Well, you’re in the same boat as the rest of us. Text your sister and Casey’s family, give them an update, then get some rest. I’ll personally make sure Sienna knows about this, too.”

Bryce chokes out a watery laugh and holds his hands up in surrender. “I give up, you win.” He holds up his index finger in Jackie’s face. “But the moment we have something definitive on Casey, you come get me.”

Jackie sticks out her hand. “Deal.”

***

From: Bryce

Stayed w Case all night

Wore a hazmat suit, dw

Gonna still be at the hospital until we know more

How were you last night?

From: Pest

are you okay??? hows casey????

and dw about me

From: Bryce

I’m fine just a little tired

We found a cure?? We think?? We’re waiting to know more

Also I’m your guardian, I’m legally obligated to worry, how were you last night??

From: Pest

well get some rest ig

and thats good!!!! rooting for her (tell her i said hi)

alright fine it was a rough night but thats bc of you and casey and i was worried

From: Bryce

I will soon, just need to update the Valentines (same for telling Case you said hi)

Did you eat??

From: Pest

no i photosynthesized

From: Bryce

Dick

From: Pest

all that was in the fridge was ur chicken from hell and it was late so i asked mrs zimmerman for food

love that woman to death

she gave me lasagna and cookies

…

also i watched tv until late and slept in your bed lol

From: Bryce

Wow

I go through a crisis

Discover I’m in love with my dying girlfriend

And you steal my bed and insult my cooking

From: Pest

oh pls

you got food poisoning from it too

From: Bryce

Ughhhhhh

Just go to school, I’ll keep you updated on Casey

And don’t try and argue your way out of it, I can’t be responsible for you committing truancy

…

But depending on how she’s doing, I’ll try and get you to visit Casey asap

From: Pest

how can i concentrate in school when my favorite sibling is deathly ill

From: Bryce

Do you want me to tell Case that you tried to use her as an excuse to get out of school

Bc I will

From: Pest

fine!!!! getting ready

[middle finger emoji]

***

Two hands grip his shoulders, and he starts awake, looking around wildly, hands forming into a fist. His eyes land on an overjoyed Jackie, who’s bouncing up and down. “It worked! Bryce, it worked!”

He sits up straight. “Casey’s alright?”

Jackie nods quickly, eyes welling up with tears. “She’s alright! I mean, of course, she has to recover, but the maitotoxin’s not going to kill her.”

Bryce grins and springs out of bed. “I’ve gotta go see her!”

“What, you’re not gonna update her folks?”

He stops in his tracks at that, fishing his phone out of his pocket. “You know what, fair.” With one hand, he pushes his hair away from his face while he scrolls through his contacts for Mr. Valentine’s contact.

From: Bryce

Good news!! Casey’s improving!!! The cure the diagnostics team administered to her is working, and she should be on the road to recovery by the time you get here.

[Message not delivered!]

He groans. “They must be on the flight.” Shaking his head, he tucks his phone back into his pocket. “Doesn’t matter. I need to go see her.”

Jackie waves her hand. “Go see your girl, lover boy.”

Bryce sprints upstairs, breezing quickly past Harper and Takana. He can’t help the smile on his face, so when he catches Harper’s eye, she physically relaxes and gives him a nod. Tanaka stops him briefly to shake his hand and to congratulate him.

Normally, Bryce would prioritize this kind of conversation with Takana. It’s not just congratulating him that his girlfriend is still alive and hope is alive and well — after all, he did get through the most difficult part of Kyra’s surgery and essentially left Tanaka to close. His career could catapult with this conversation.

And it will. It can just wait a few minutes.

Bryce excuses himself and bounces on the balls of his feet while he waits for the elevator. Maybe he should text Keiki. She should be getting out of school soon. He glances at his watch. In twenty minutes, actually.

The elevator dings before he can fish his phone out of his pocket, so he slips inside, presses the button for the seventh floor, and taps his fingers against his thigh during the agonizingly long elevator ride. Once the elevator doors begin to slide open, he squeezes past them and sprints to her room.

Before he reaches her room, he slows to a stop and pushes his hand through his hair. If he cranes his neck, he can see her through the glass. She sits on her bed, swinging her legs back and forth, staring outside while biting the inside of her lip.

The glass. It separated the dying from the living, but now, it separates the living from each other.

He strides through the decontamination tent, knowing that there is absolutely no way that he can erase the smile off his face. Opening his arms wide, he locks eyes with Casey. “It worked!”

Her jaw drops and her eyes widen. She straightens.

Bryce lets out a watery laugh, brushing the tears away from his cheeks with his thumb. “I told you it was going to be okay. I told you —”

Casey streaks across the room, launching herself into his arms with such force that he stumbles backwards.

Immediately, he wraps his arms around her, pressing one hand to the small of her back to pull her closer. With his other hand, he cups the back of her neck. She tucks her face into the crook of his neck, and he can feel her tears dripping hot and fast against his neck.

He rests his chin on her shoulder. “Couldn’t wait for me to cross the room, huh?”

She shakes her head quickly. “No.” Stepping back, she grabs the front of his scrubs and pulls him into a dizzyingly deep kiss. His arms wrap around her to hold her close.

When they finally break apart, he rests his forehead against hers. She lifts her hand to brush her fingers across his cheeks. “I love you,” he says.

Casey stands on her tiptoes, capturing his mouth in hers again. “I love you, too.”

Bryce cups her face in his hands and kisses her once, twice, three times. “Thank you,” he whispers, eyes fluttering shut.

She wraps one arm around his neck, keeping one hand on his cheek. “For what?”

He kisses her forehead. “For being alive.”

#bryce lahela #casey valentine #open heart choices #open heart fic #my fic #bryce x mc #bryce x casey #open heart: second year #2.11 #mostly canon compliant

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squalloscope · 1 year ago

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Remember my open call some weeks ago?

Now, you are invited to listen.

"Corridor of Compliments / Korridor der Komplimente" is the audio file to a sound installation commissioned for the Klangkorridor ("Sound Corridor") at Kulturhof Villach in Austria. It runs July 1st to September 14th, 2023.

An international community was asked to record voice messages containing a compliment to a stranger, or any kind of encouraging words they would like to send out into the world, just as if they were talking to a friend. How much affection, love, support and affirmation are we willing to pass on if we have no idea who will listen?

"Corridor of Compliments" invites anybody who passes through the corridor, which leads from the street to the café and music venue inside Kulturhof, to stop and bathe in compliments and encouragement however long they want. The piece is about half an hour long and runs in a continuous loop.

With voices by:

Abby, Alexandra, Alina, Anastasiia, Ángela, Anna-Lena, Anni, Ardamus, Bala, Christina, Christina H., Christine, David, Eiven, Erik, Eszter, Fee, Felix, Hattie, Hubert, Ida, Ilona, Ines, Jake, Janet, Jeep, Judith, Julia, Junis, Karen, Katherine, Kathleen, Katja, Kevin, Levi, Lucy, Marc, Maria, Marilyn, Mariya, Marlene, Matt, Matt H., Michaela S., Michaela T., Monika, Niki, Sara, Simone, Stephan, Sylvia, Vera, Wade, Wendy, Yan.

#SoundCloud

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whatstruthgottodowithit · 2 months ago

Text

The Only Evans Girl [A Change of Circumstance]

Fandom: Harry Potter [Marauder’s Era]

Pairing: Sirius Black x Original Female Character, Sirius Black x Daisy Evans, James Potter x Lily Evans

Characters: Sirius Black, Original Female Character, Daisy Evans, Lily Evans, Remus Lupin, James Potter, Harry Potter, Severus Snape, Minerva McGonagall, Alice Fortescue, Frank Longbottom, Marlene McKinnon, Albus Dumbledore, Voldemort, Peter Pettigrew, Lucius Malfoy, Bellatrix LeStrange, Walburga Black, Orion Black, Jasper Thicknesse, Barty Crouch Jr, Mulciber, Walden McNair, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Molly Weasley, Arthur Weasley

Word Count: 5571

Rating: Teen

Notes: Only a couple of chapters left of this <3

LINK TO AO3 // LINK TO PINTEREST // LINK TO ALL PARTS

It was quiet as Daisy unlocked the door, the eerie silence lingering down the long hallway as she listened for signs of life. When she heard nothing she sighed and closed it gently behind her before she headed down to the kitchen. It was deserted which didn’t surprise her considering she’d been the one to ban everyone from headquarters for twenty-four hours. It was Halloween and she had been anticipating tensions to be running high and therefore pop ins from order members, Snape in particular, were not going to be welcome. She barely had patience for him at the best of times but definitely not today.

As her stomach gurgled she went to the fridge though as she scanned the shelves she found them mostly bare and with another sigh she decided to have some toast if only to line her stomach for the bottle of red wine she’d bought at the corner shop on the way home.

Her day had gone as it usually did, visiting Marlene’s grave and then Alice and Frank at the hospital. When she’d gone back to St Mungoes she had still stuck to her once-a-year visit, still finding it hard to bear, but since the pressures of war had started to mount she’d found herself dropping by the memory ward more often. Alice had always been a good sounding board and even now when she couldn’t offer solutions Daisy found it comforting to have someone listen to all of her problems. After all, it wasn't like she had anyone else. Order members wanted to speak about order business and she didn’t dare lay her burdens on Harry. Remus had been sequestered away for the past few weeks on a mission involving members of Greyback's pack so the normal comfort she had on this day had been cruelly snatched away from her.

The only person she had was Sirius and to be honest she had been looking forward to having him close today. It was their first anniversary together, their first chance to share in their grief.

Or it would’ve been if he dared to come out of his room.

Daisy wasn’t surprised. When she had first landed at Grimmauld place they’d been overjoyed to see each other, their longing finally satiated after months of only being able to speak by phone. Even with the stress of Harry’s trial they’d made the best of things and Daisy had been so happy just being with the pair of them she’d managed to push the worries she’d been having from her mind most of the time. Only when Harry had returned to school and the Weasley’s had moved back to the Burrow things had started to take a turn. Order pressures had started to mount and now that it was just the three of them living there it was easy to feel the absence of one person. And Sirius had started to become sullen and moody. Daisy tried to believe it wasn’t her, that he was frustrated with not being able to help, especially when he was subjected to being mocked by Snape at order meetings or having to hear how Dumbledore was forcing Harry to be under his tutelage, but as time went on she started to worry it was more than that.

Because when Remus was around he made himself present. He came out of his room and joined them, sometimes it was even like they were teenagers again. Sometimes they'd spend the evening in the drawing room, Remus reading by the fire and Daisy and Sirius chatting quietly as the gramophone echoed quietly through the air. But when Remus was out he barely surfaced. Since he had been away on this mission she’d seen him a handful of times and each time he’d looked as though he couldn’t wait to get out of her presence, every reply he gave her was quiet and curt.

In recent days she had taken to not saying anything at all whenever he appeared which was just as well considering once he’d noticed she was in the room he’d made some flippant excuse and left. It was agonising and she felt utterly alone.

As her toast popped up from the toaster she found tears slipping down her face and she was forced to brush them aside so that she could butter it. She ate it over the sink. It tasted bland and it didn’t pair well with the large glass of red wine she’d made herself but it stopped the alcohol from rushing to her head too quickly which she figured was wise seeing as it was the first thing she’d eaten all day.

Once done and the wine bottle and glass in each hand she headed upstairs to her room. Or rather Regulus’ room. Sirius had picked it out the night she had arrived. It was at the very top of the house and he had cited it being a prime location seeing as the Weasley clan were soon to descend and it would be out of the way of everyone. She had pretended not to realise that it just so happened to have the benefit of being just across the way from his own room because in the start that had been a good thing, she felt happy to know he was nearby, that he was safe. But now it was torture, to have him so close and yet so far away.

As she got to the top stair she hesitated, leaning to see if she could hear him knocking around in his room but it was deathly silent. She wondered if he was downstairs with Buckbeak, the only other place he could be found these days, but she hadn't heard him in there as she had passed either. For all she knew he was standing stock still to ensure he didn’t lure her in, like he was a gazelle and she was a lion ready to attack. Daisy sighed and headed into her room, pushing the door too.

The room wasn’t overly large but the ceilings were high which made it feel grand and luxurious as did the green canopied four poster and dark wooden furniture that made up the décor. Green seemed to be the chosen colour scheme though it wasn’t the emerald of Slytherin house as she might expect from a teens bedroom, rather a dark forest colour. It felt dower and depressing. And as Daisy sunk down onto the floor Daisy felt for its former inhabitant. Had it had this effect on him, a teenager stuck in this dark and gloomy room?

Was this how Sirius felt? It wasn’t as though the rest of the house was bright and cheery despite all the restorations they'd been doing. Did he feel boxed in? From one prison to another?

But if so why pull away? What good was that surely he would know that she could help him, that she would want to help him? Didn’t he trust her? Or had he realised that without Harry here he didn’t feel the way he thought he did.

The thoughts were suffocating, swirling around her brain without landing and yet still managing to make the wine and toast she had downed churn around inside her. So she decided to clear her head. With music.

When she had moved in she had brought her CD player with her and since then had been trying to jinx it into paying without electricity. It had been difficult but soon enough she had managed to get it up and running and so she flipped up the lid and slotted in a new CD she’d picked up at the market the other day.

It was the muggle band Oasis. She liked them though admittedly her penchant for following music had dwindled since she’d got rid of the shop. But their lyrics were good and the beat was loud enough to get the questions out of her head which she couldn’t turn her nose up at. Instead she allowed the songs to take hold, resting back against the bed frame and closing her eyes as she tried to calm herself. Not that that happened.

She didn’t know why she had thought it would. Music had always been a release for her, of both happy and sad emotions, and given the upheaval she had been feeling for the past few days, or rather weeks, she wasn’t surprised when it all became too much and tears started to pour from her eyes. She let them come, not even bothering to wipe where they gathered under her chin. In fact she only opened her reddened eyes as the song started to skip, the words becoming warbled as they played through the air. When it didn’t stop she pushed herself up with a groan, wiping her face with her shirt before she attempted to fix the problem. But not even a wipe of the disc or blowing into the player itself could make the track stop skipping, the scratches mocking her every time she pressed the play button.

‘Oh come on you stupid thing,’ she grunted, hitting play once more only to be taunted by a screech and click, the Gallagher brothers voices garbled as they tried to sing.

‘Just play it!’ she snapped, smacking the CD player hard though that only caused it to stutter more before it ceased playing any music at all. At that Daisy lost her temper, hastily pressing the eject button before she yanked the CD from where it was still spinning and launched it across the room. It hit the painted wall with a dull crack before bouncing onto the wooden floor, mocking her still as it spun on its edges before landing.

As she had flopped back onto the floor Daisy had been watching it intently so when she looked up she was surprised to find she wasn’t alone with Sirius standing in the door frame looking awkward.

‘What are you doing?” she snapped, feeling her cheeks tinge red once she realised he’d seen her entire outburst. Sirius looked just as awkward as she felt, loitering by the door as if he didn’t know whether to come in or flee as he answered, ‘I, er, I heard the noise, I thought there was something wrong.’

‘It’s the CD player,’ she explained pointing at the now abandoned hunk of plastic in the corner angrily, ‘it doesn’t like magic.’

‘Oh,’ Sirius said, looking at the machine as if he didn’t know what it was.

‘It plays music,’ Daisy said, ‘I just, I just wanted to listen to some songs but well it has other ideas.’

‘Well you can always use my record player if you want,’ Sirius said though as she looked surprised he cleared his throat and said, ‘I mean it's in my room so you couldn’t listen in here so I understand if you don't want to.’

‘I do,’ Daisy said, finding the answer coming quicker than she had expected.

‘Right then,’ Sirius said awkwardly before he disappeared from the door and across the hall.

Daisy stifled a sigh and climbed up from the floor before she padded across the hall and to his room. He was dumping some pillows onto the floor when she entered, gesturing for her to sit amongst them next to the table which held the record player. She took a seat on one of the red velvet cushions and leant back against the chest of drawers, watching him as he moved around. He was rifling under the bed, for what she didn’t know, so she soon lost interest, her gaze moving his room. When they’d been more communicative he’d stayed out of his room so she’d rarely been in here but her surprise at just how much it contrasted Regulus’ always got to her. Of course it still had the staples of black décor in ebony furnishings and drab grey wallpaper but the extras were all light. Rich scarlet bedding, tapestries in Gryffindor colours, posters of muggle rock bands and quidditch teams glued to the wall indefinitely. Rebellion, brightness, warmth. Teenage Sirius was built into every inch of this room. And as he turned to her on his knees she looked up at him. His eyes were dull today, dark grey with even darker circles underneath them. Eyes that didn’t match the décor of this room but rather his brother’s.

She was so busy watching him she hadn't even noticed he was holding a small stack of records until he cleared his throat self-consciously, clocking her gaze boring into his face as he said, ‘I don’t have much of a collection anymore.’

Daisy looked at the five or so albums in his tattooed hands, ‘Mum chucked whatever she got her hands on but I have these if there’s one you want-’

‘Queen,’ Daisy said looking back at him with a smile. He’d been handing them over for her to peruse so they were stacked against one another but she could see the album she wanted sticking out. She couldn’t even see the entire cover but she knew what it was, she’d listened to it enough times. Mostly with Sirius, in their little London flat.

‘You sure?’ Sirius asked, leaning back onto his heels as he thumbed the record out the stack.

‘Yeah,’ Daisy said, ‘it's been a while since I’ve listened to that album.’

Of course she’d listened to it since she’d left their little flat. Owning a record shop kind of meant it was hard to avoid listening to the songs they’d used to enjoy together though admittedly she tended to skirt around certain eras of her favourite bands, keeping up with their new stuff just enough of a link to her past that didn’t overwhelm her with grief. As Sirius moved to set up the record player she felt her eyes wandering, to his pile of dirty washing on a chair in the corner, to the stack of plates on the desk next to it. To the whiskey bottle on his bedside table sitting there half empty.

As the hammering of piano keys started to echo around the room Sirius sat back, closing his eyes as the screeching of guitars started to fill his mind, removing every last thought from it as he focused on the music. The song was cutting and sharp, venom laced into each word. It was good. It scratched an itch in his brain, the sadness that had been pooling in his chest all day switching to anger and only ebbing as he heard Daisy speak.

When he opened his eyes she was watching him, then again it felt as though she was always watching him these days, but this was more than normal, it was expectant and Sirius realised whatever she had spoken he’d missed and so he asked, ‘huh?’

‘I said you’ve been drinking,’ she said, jutting her head to the whiskey bottle on his bedside table. Sirius watched her, wondering how to gauge his answer. The booze in his system was urging him to say something sarcastic and cutting, like how observant she was, but the way she was looking at him didn’t feel the way he expected it to. It wasn’t judgemental or worried, it was understanding.

‘Yeah,’ he said non-committally.

‘Can I have some?’ she asked.

‘Sure,’ Sirius said, grabbing the bottle and handing it to her.

Daisy pulled the top off in haste before she placed the bottle to her lips and chugged. It was sour and it burned her throat as it rushed to her stomach but it was enough to silence the thoughts in her head for a moment. Because even though she was here, in Sirius’ room, listening to records like they were so accustomed to doing it still all felt odd. Foreign. The silence felt unnerving and strange. It made her feel as though she needed to fill each gap when years ago they would’ve happily sat in silence just near one another. So she needed something to stop that urge. Especially if he wasn’t going to do much talking.

When she was done she wiped the back of her mouth with her sleeve before recapping it and placing the bottle by her knee where her legs crossed. Sirius was watching her, a smile twitching at his lips.

‘What?’ she asked self-consciously.

‘I was going to ask if you wanted me to conjure you a glass but that’s my answer I guess,’ he ribbed.

‘What can I say it’s been a long day,’ Daisy replied teasingly only as she said it the spark that had been growing in his eyes seemed to dim, as if the thoughts that had been shut out by the music had flooded back in, reminding him why he had the bottle by his bed in the first place. Sirius shifted and said, ‘you went out right?’

‘Yeah,’ she said quietly.

‘Order business?’ he asked.

‘Oh, uh, no…personal,’ Daisy said, feeling her cheeks heat up even more so Sirius offered nothing more than a nod. Daisy grabbed the bottle and took another long swig hoping he’d try and divert the conversation away from this sticking point but he didn’t, he just watched her instead so by the time she’d brought the bottle away from her mouth she found the awkwardness too much to bear and the words fell out of her mouth before she could stop them, ‘it's Halloween.’

‘Yeah I know,’ Sirius said quietly.

‘I…I erm,’ Daisy shifted the weight of his gaze crippling, ‘I sort of have a process.’

‘A process?’ he questioned, his brows knitting together.

‘A ritual I guess,’ she said, her throat thick with spittle, ‘I visit them. All of them.’

Sirius said nothing but watched her, she was picking at the skin around her nails, something she did when she was nervous which he could tell by the fast way in which she spoke as if she needed to tell him everything as if he couldn’t understand, ‘Mar’s grave, Alice and Frank at the hospital, Godric’s Hollow…’

He was quiet, watching as she tucked golden locks behind her ear, ‘used to visit Pete too, his grave, but in the past couple of years I’ve knocked that on the head.’

‘Wonder why,’ Sirius said sarcastically. She offered him a weak smile and then busied herself with taking another swig. Sirius thought about it. About her diligently visiting all those they'd lost as though cold stone would make the grief feel any better. As if it wouldn’t consume her the way it did him most days. But he was curious. His grieving had always been done alone, he’d never had the chance to do something like that, in fact he wondered if he hadn't gone to prison would they have gone together, and as curiosity struck he found himself asking, ‘you do it every year?’

‘Yeah,’ she said, ‘me and Moony. It’s the first one he’s missed actually.’

‘Why?’ he asked, a tad more sardonic than he intended but Daisy didn’t seem to get embarrassed but rather indignant as she said, ‘it was my escape.’

‘Escape?’ Sirius asked.

‘Yeah,’ she said firmly, ‘I was a muggle. Fifty-one weeks of the year I lived as boring old Daisy Evans. Me and Harry lived in our boring little town with no contact to our world. For most of the year I had to tell lies, misremember my family and my friends so that Harry wouldn’t get suspicious. And I did. But I allowed myself a week. One week to be me, to remember, to feel.’

‘But you’re back in our world now. Why carry on?’ he probed. Daisy sighed.

‘I don’t know. When Harry went to school I thought I'd stop but I didn’t…it felt right. Actually the only time I thought I wouldn’t was this year,’ she admitted, picking at the foil around the top of the bottle with her nail.

‘But you still went today,’ Sirius challenged.

‘Yeah,’ she said, looking up at him, ‘I guess I needed to not feel alone today.’

Sirius got what she meant, what she’d been expecting. When she’d come to live at Grimmauld place he’d been hoping things would be different too, they’d been building their relationship back up for over a year, but now faced with being near her he was struggling. With Harry with them it wasn’t as hard. Around other people he could be himself, he felt more himself or rather what they expected from him. Harry expected that fun uncle, his dad’s best friend, the stories he’d heard. Even Remus was easy to fall into routine around because he just let him be.

But Daisy, Daisy he couldn’t fool. Daisy he couldn’t have an off day around or feel out of sorts because she’d know, she’d always know. And what was worse she would want to help, to fix it when he wasn't sure he could ever be fixed. That was why he'd been avoiding her, pulling away and hoping she wouldn’t get too close. But he missed her. And he hated the thought of her feeling alone as much as he hated to be alone himself.

‘Todays not easy for me Dais,’ he said gently, hoping to make her see that he hadn't withdrawn to be spiteful.

‘And it is for me?’ Daisy scoffed.

‘I didn’t say that,’ he sighed.

‘This is our first one together,’ she said, ‘I thought we could-‘

‘What sit and cry and look at how our lives when to shit?’ he said, anger bubbling within him though not at her but at himself, ‘how I fucked everything up?’

‘You didn’t,’ she mumbled.

‘We both know that’s not true,’ he scoffed, ‘and I’ve had years of going over it. Every year, every day for twelve years. So forgive me if I don’t want to do it all over again.’

‘But it helps!’ she protested.

‘It helps you. It doesn’t help me,’ he countered, stormy grey eyes watching her face fall as she asked, ‘is that why you’re avoiding me? Holed up away in here.’

‘Dais,’ he sighed.

‘Is that why you don’t want to speak to me?’ she pressed.

‘Can we not,’ he snapped, his jaw tightening. He knew it wasn’t her fault, that she was bound to have her own way of coping and that it wasn’t unreasonable for her to want to grieve with him now that they had the chance. But talking about it only reminded him of what he’d ruined, how it had gone from bad to worse. How he’d let her down when she needed him. In fact that was something he’d been thinking about a lot recently. Whenever she met him with a happy smile or sounded excited to speak to him, he wondered how she didn’t hate him for leaving her like he did. Leaving when they needed each other.

Actually it was better when she was angry at him, like she was now, a scowl on her face and her arms folded across her as she said, ‘fine.’

Sirius fell quiet, closing his eyes as he rested his head back against the bed. Daisy looked away, still scowling. She could feel her eyes stinging with tears; at being pushed away or snapped at she didn’t know. She felt as though she didn’t know anything when it came to him anymore though that couldn’t have been true because the beginning hadn't been like this. He hadn't been hesitant with her when they’d been calling on another every week. He hadn't been reserved from being himself when they were in front of Harry and even with a million people in the house they'd started to feel like a proper family unit. So why was he pushing her away? It wasn’t as though she didn’t know he was hurting, that he’d been hurting for the past decade, but so had she. And now they had a chance to heal that hurting, to have a somewhat happy ending, or at least she had hoped for that. Though now it just seemed like a pipe dream.

As the end of ‘I’m In Love With My Car’ started to play, the revving of engines bouncing off the grey papered wall Daisy listened as the needle continued to move to allow the next song to play. It was the only thing that could be heard besides their breathing which was probably why it felt like a knife to the gut as those familiar notes started to play. It was ‘You’re My Best Friend,’ hands down her favourite Queen song if only because of the memories it gave her, two kids singing at the top of their lungs at a gig or dancing away in their flat. It almost felt mocking, to have words of adoration of longstanding love shoved in her face when the pair of them had never felt further away from each other whilst in the same room.

In fact as the chorus started to play she rolled her eyes and huffed a laugh which grew as she found Sirius watching her curiously. Soon enough she was laughing away to herself and before he could stop himself he found himself joining in, her giggling infectious. When it died down he leant up, gesturing for her to give him the bottle which she did, watching as he down a deep glug, barely wincing at the burn as it ran down his throat.

Then he leant forward, watching her closely. Daisy dropped her gaze feeling awkward, seeing as she thought he was going to offer up something deep and meaningful but he didn’t, merely saying, ‘we could play a game.’

‘A game?’ Daisy asked, her head snapping up as she looked at him confused.

‘Yeah a game,’ Sirius replied.

‘Why?’ she said incredulously.

‘Why not?’ he shrugged, leaning back against the bed.

‘What game?’ Daisy asked, her eyes narrowing suspiciously. Sirius looked as though he was thinking but it took him all of two seconds before replied, ‘truth or dare.’

‘Truth or dare?’ she scoffed.

‘We have booze,’ he countered by offering up the half-drunk bottle.

‘And we can get drunk without going through the rigmarole of it all,’ she said, yanking it from his hands, ’besides it’s pointless.’

‘Is not,’ he retorted.

‘You always pick dare,’ she countered.

‘And you always pick truth,’ he replied as if he’d proven his point. When Daisy rolled her eyes he said, ‘oh come on what else are we going to do? Sit here and be maudlin?’

Daisy didn’t particularly feel up to answering silly questions or doing ridiculous dares in fact she was pretty sure that silly little dares were only able to be thought up in the brains of teenage boys and that they would both struggle to even come up with anything but she was still irritated by being snapped at and didn’t want to prove his point about wallowing.

‘Fine,’ she grumbled, ‘but I’m going first because I can’t think of a dare yet.’

‘Okay, truth or dare?’ Sirius asked.

‘Truth,’ Daisy said, earning a smug smile as she confirmed the cliché. Sirius thought for a minute, tapping his finger on his chin exaggeratedly and making her roll her eyes.

‘Oh I’ve got one,’ he said amusedly, Daisy braced herself wondering what could put such a glint in his eye, ‘do you think Snivellys ever…y’know?’

‘What are you twelve?’ Daisy chuckled at the way he gestured the insinuation.

‘It’s a fair question,’ Sirius said proudly.

‘I don’t know,’ she said honestly.

‘But do you think? I mean I thought age might have improved him but the way he still stalks into order meetings I doubt he’d have much pull,’ Sirius reasoned, as if he’d been thinking about it more than anticipated. She supposed she didn’t blame him, Snape was rather cutting in every interaction they had, pointing out how Sirius couldn’t do much of anything to help out with the order whilst he was sitting pretty beside Dumbledore.

‘I don’t know but I suppose it must’ve happened at some point,’ she reasoned. Of course she’d never known him to have someone, in fact she wasn’t entirely sure he hadn't still held a candle for Lily well into her marriage, but that didn’t mean it couldn’t. After all, sometimes loneliness was just too much, she was sure Sirius could understand that, she did.

‘Poor girl,’ Sirius chuckled.

‘There’s a lid for every pot as my mum used to say,’ she chuckled but as she said it a thought popped into her head and she said, ‘okay your turn?’

‘Truth,’ Sirius replied, smiling at her surprise.

‘Okay, speaking of lids and pots…do you think Moony has realised Tonks is gaga over him?’ she asked. Sirius laughed loudly.

‘Oh not a chance!’ he laughed.

‘You should tell him,’ Daisy giggled.

‘And get my head bitten off?’ Sirius laughed, ‘no thanks

‘You should! They make a good couple,’ Daisy reasoned, ‘besides it’d be payback for all the grief he gave us two.’

As soon as the words came out of her mouth she wished she could take them back because Sirius seemed to freeze, it was miniscule but she sensed it all the same. And again that knife to the gut was back, a sadness that he seemed to be unable to face the happy memories along with the sad ones. Daisy watched as he busied himself with taking another drink before she looked away only looking back as she heard him say, ‘your turn. Truth or dare?’

‘Truth,’ she murmured.

‘Has there, I mean I can see how Snivellys never but you’re hardly,’ Sirius said, stumbling over his word in a manner unlike him before he looked at her properly and said, ‘has there been anyone, anyone else?’

‘No, not really,’ she said quietly, hastening to explain as he looked confused, ‘I mean I’m not going to say I’ve been a nun but there’s never been anyone like…that, like us.’

‘Why not?’ he asked, his voice so deeply curious she thought she might cry.

‘It’s not exactly easy when you’ve no babysitters about,’ she joked.

‘Right, yeah,’ he said flatly.

‘But I suppose that was only a small part of it,’ she added, ‘most of it was that I didn’t want it…if it wasn’t us. I mean call it delusion but I guess I figured love like that was one and done. Didn’t really see the point at trying to find cheap imitations.’

Sirius nodded but said nothing and now that there were now words in her throat she felt the urge to replace their weight with alcohol, taking another deep swig from the bottle. They were teetering on the edge of sharing, admittedly more on her that she would've liked and whether they'd become more comfortable or the alcohol was heightening her confidence she decided to change that one sidedness.

‘Can I ask you a question?’ she probed gently, her nail scratching at the foil again with nerves.

‘Yeah,’ Sirius replied quietly.

‘Did you hate me?’ she asked tentatively.

‘Hate you?’ Sirius frowned.

‘For not believing you,’ she explained.

‘No,’ Sirius said firmly and one look in his eyes made her believe him.

‘But I knew,’ she said thickly, ‘I knew there was no way you could have and I didn’t fight.’

‘You did what you had to to keep Harry,’ Sirius said.

‘Yeah you know that now but then?’ she said looking at him as if he was mad to be at peace with it, ‘you're telling me you weren’t angry that you were rotting in that prison? That it doesn’t bother you I was out with Harry. That I could have fought but chose to stay out-’

‘I wasn’t angry at you,’ Sirius said firmly, ‘I was angry at myself. I was angry for not thinking, for rushing into some stupid vengeance without thinking of you. I was angry at Pettigrew. But the moment I was caught I knew I only had myself to blame. And that’s why I can't spend my time hashing it all out. I can't spend days agonising over everything because at the end of the day I brought it on myself.’

‘That’s not true,’ Daisy said angrily.

‘I trusted him!’ Sirius reasoned.

‘We all did!’ she replied.

‘I made him secret keeper!’ he said, bouncing her argument back.

‘James and Lily did that,’ she said firmly, holding up a hand to silence him as she continued, ‘we all trusted him, Pads. And one rash decision shouldn’t have cost you everything.’

‘I should’ve thought about you and Harry,’ Sirius said sadly.

‘It’s easy to think that,’ she said, moving till she was sitting beside him. They were no longer facing one another but they didn’t really need to, the way she interlaced her fingers through his speaking loud and clear.

‘But we don’t know what we’re going to do in the moment. How grief will make us feel. I mean you stopped me running into that house wandless and distraught,’ she said, trying not to the think of the decimated home she’d arrived at all those Halloweens ago even though she was sure she could still smell that stench of burning wood and death, ‘you did think. You thought about me and Harry but you were angry, understandably so.’

‘If I had just told you-’

‘But that’s done. We can't change that and punishing yourself isn’t helping anyone,’ she said.

‘Punishing myself?’ he asked. She could feel him looking at her and as she looked up at him his brows were fused together in confusion.

‘Squirrelling yourself away in here-’

‘I’m not punishing myself,’ he said quietly.

‘Oh,’ Daisy said. Though as the words settled in embarrassment started to flood through her, her cheeks christening pink as she realised their hands were still intertwined, ‘oh.’

‘What?’ Sirius asked, muddled as he felt her unlace her hand from his and watched as she pushed herself up from where she had been sitting.

‘Nothing,’ Daisy lied, smoothing out her outfit as she stood though admittedly the height she was now at made the booze in her body rush to her head causing the room to spin.

‘Dais what is it?’ he asked worriedly. She could have ignored him, spared herself the embarrassment but she found her words coming out, sad and pathetic as she said, ‘then it’s me isn’t it?’

‘What do you mean?’ he asked, standing himself as he could see how flustered she was becoming. Her hair was all over the place from where she’d brushed it away, her cheeks red and her eyes glossy from the threat of oncoming tears.

‘This, you avoiding me,’ she said, gesturing at him vaguely, ‘I thought it was because you were upset about order stuff but it’s me innit. The reason you’re staying out the way.’

‘Dais,’ Sirius said sadly.

‘I thought after the last year we might,’ she sniffled, ‘but you don’t…you didn’t want to tell me right?’

‘Dais it’s not-’

‘I’ve got the wrong end of the stick right?’ she whispered, hiccupping a sob as he looked at her sadly, ‘oh god! And here's me thinking we could have another go. I mean I didn’t think it would be easy but I thought we could try-’

‘It’s not that I don’t want to,’ he said, placing a hand on her arm reassuringly, begging for those green eyes to look at him.

‘It’s not you it’s me right?’ she scoffed, shaking her head.

‘As a matter of fact, yeah,’ he said angrily, finally making glassy green eyes look his way. Sirius swallowed, willing himself to be brave enough to explain, ‘Dais it's not that I don’t want…that okay. I just…I don’t know if I know how to anymore. I thought I would, after last year with us getting reacquainted I just figured it’d be like falling back into place but it’s not. It feels clunky and weird.’

‘But not around Moony?’ she challenged.

‘He helps for some reason,’ Sirius admitted, ‘like there’s no pressure to get it right with him.’

‘And here is with me?’ she said.

‘Sometimes but not because you pressure me,’ he said honestly, his hand going to her jaw so that he could sweep his thumb along it, ‘Moony has his own problems. Harry is just learning who I am so he doesn’t expect anything. But you, you know me Dais, better than anyone else. The only problem is I don’t feel like I know me anymore. Everyday it’s like I have to try and remember who I am and when it’s just us I always feel like I’m mis stepping, like we’re in a conversation and I’m speaking a different language or something. And that’s not us. And it scares me.’

‘So let me help you,’ she pleaded. Sirius dropped his gaze.

‘What if I’m not…what if I’m not the person you remember,’ he asked.

‘I’m not asking you to be,’ she said, moving his chin to make him look at her, ‘you think I’m chasing that twenty-year-old but I’m not. I know you, the real you and yeah there might be differences now but that bit, in here that’s not changed.’

Her hand was over his heart now and he clasped at it, holding her to him as it started to thump against his ribs.

‘We’re both different Pads,’ she said, ‘but I’m not asking for you to fit into some old role. For us to play parts we used to because newsflash, I’m not some twenty-year-old either. We’re both different. We knew that when you came back but did you really think I wouldn’t want you?’

‘Dais,’ he said, unsure of what he was asking from her.

‘We’ve missed years Pads and I don’t want to put off any more,’ she said firmly.

‘I know but what if it doesn’t work out? What if we can't be what we want? What if-’

‘All we can do is try. I’d rather try and fail than not try at all,’ she whispered, pulling him down until his forehead rested against hers, ‘because I know what it’s like to love you Sirius Black and I refuse to deny myself that privilege.’

‘Yeah?’ he whispered.

But she didn’t answer him, instead her lips brushed against his tentatively as if seeking agreement which he returned with gusto, pulling her flush against him as they kissed. The restraint lasted all of two seconds before want and need took over, Sirius moving them to the bed. Daisy flopped down on it, never letting go of his shirt so that he was pulled with her, their movements clunky as he landed haphazardly on top of her.

Daisy giggled and pushed him off, moving herself up the bed as he returned in an instant, lying beside her and looking down on her with a beaming smile.

‘Hi,’ she said, her fingers trailing along stubbled skin.

‘Hi,’ he replied, turning his face to kiss her palm.

‘So…’ she said.

‘So,’ he replied.

‘We’re trying?’ she asked tentatively, her finger dipping into the creases of his eyes as he smiled.

‘We’re trying,’ he confirmed before leaning down to kiss her once more.

SIRIUS BLACK/SERIES TAGS

@mysteriouslydelicateface @caitlin1996 @imthebadguyyy @maeisafangirl

#the only evans girl #sirius black #sirius black x ofc #sirius black x daisy evans #remus lupin #daisy evans #the other evans girl #my writing #marauders fic #sirius black fic #marauders

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