#inkling reblogs doctor who

[mentally-ill-inkling]

honestly im so happy the tardis is wheelchair accessible, i dont need a wheelchair but my mums getting to the point where she'll most likely need one due to her chronic pain, me and her are both whovians, so it brings joy to my heart that if doctor who was ever actually real and this tardis showed up, disabled whovians can board it, can become his companian, idk i just get really happy about that this is a ramble

I am not going to lie to you. When Russell told me that we were putting a ramp in the TARDIS, I cried. I did. He actually told me about a fan who had contacted him, who was a wheelchair user, and said how much he admired Russell’s work. He said, “Even though I can’t get in the TARDIS, because it’s not wheelchair accessible, I just love it.” And Russell was like, “So, we change that instantly. We change that.” When he told me that story, that really hit me straight in the heart. I know what that will mean for the disabled community, and many disabled Whovians who haven’t had that. -Ruth Madeley

[kurishiri]

13 . . . main story

— this translation may not be 100% accurate or may contain creative liberties. if you enjoy, please consider reblogging, but don’t repost or claim these as your own!

— cw: mental breakdown, mention of murder and attempted child sexual assault, abuse.

Kate: I... don’t want him to hurt himself further.

K: I will stay with him, by his side.

K: And... I will think about a way so that Lord Elbert doesn’t have to hurt himself.

Alfons: When you came to find me, I did have an inkling... so it’s like this.

Alfons said in a small voice.

I could hear a faint sadness in his tone,

but when he raised his head, his usual shady smile played on his lips.

Alfons: ...Well, do as you wish. However...

A: Do not take his obsession toward things he ‘wants’ lightly — let me just leave it at that.

I have seen Alfons laugh in such a resigned way countless times now.

To him, my words might have been as good as reckless.

(But... I don’t want to give up. I want to find a way so that Lord Elbert doesn’t have to hurt himself anymore.)

(I have only just learned about a part of his past...)

The moon was already hidden by the clouds, making the room pitch black — so much so, it could have been a deep, deep sea, where not a single ray of light could penetrate.

—— Elbert’s POV ——

Somewhere far away, the sound of waves echoed——

I could hear the sound of waves. I didn’t want to see what happened next in this dream, but despite my wishes, the dream continued.

At that time, I had pierced the doctor’s chest with a pair of scissors.

Elbert: Hah... hah...

Even now, I can vividly remember the feelings of that day.

I felt, back then, that I was able to become ‘beautiful.’

I was a living proof of sin, who had defiled my mother’s name.

I thought that, perhaps, this was the thing I had always wanted, since the beginning.

Elbert: Hah... haah, ha...

Suddenly, the door opened, and I was met with raven black hair. The boy, who would later introduce himself as ‘Alfons,’ stared at me.

I couldn’t remember the conversation we shared that day that well.

But, I could clearly recall what I had asked him the moment he stepped into the room.

Elbert: Hey——am I... beautiful now?

I ran through the hallway, out of breath, my fingers trembling with small, repeated motions in anticipation and in high spirits.

(Father...)

(I, need to let Father know—)

My heart pounded, as if it had gone wild.

At the time, there was not a shred of doubt in my mind that Father would praise me. I fully believed he would.

——Looking back now, though, it had been such a laughable mistake.

Elbert: Father...!

Upon seeing me burst into the room, covered in blood, Father’s eyes widened.

Hugh: Wh... you, is that... blood...?

Elbert: The doctor... attacked me.

E: He tried to do the same thing my real father did to Mother.

Hugh: ...

At the time, I didn’t notice his face go pale.

Elbert: That’s why, I killed him. ...Hey, Father,

E: was I able to atone for my sin?

(Will Mother... forgive me?)

(And smile again, just this once?)

(Will we... be able to be happy again?)

Hugh: Ha... haha... you’ve gone mad...

Elbert: ...Father?

Hugh: Stop right there, and don’t come any closer. Don’t look at me with those eyes.

H: If you really want to atone for your sins, then give her back. Give Cecilia back, give my happiness back... give it all back!!

Father’s anguished cries were ear-splitting.

It was at that time I had finally come to a realization.

In the reflection of myself in his eyes, there was nothing but hatred and fear.

Hugh: Ahh, no, that’s not right... it’s, not your fault...

H: It’s not your fault. I know that... I know...

Father muttered to himself, seemingly in conflict, before he glared at me with tear-soaked eyes.

Hugh: No... It is your fault, that I became like this.

H: You... always make me remember my sadness and my hatred.

H: That’s why I...

H: That’s why I continued to watch you suffer without saying anything, Elbert.

Elbert: Eh...?

Many emotions were flaked off from his expression. I could see no trace of the gentle, kind Father I knew.

Hugh: Yes, that’s right. I know exactly what the butlers and maids do to you.

H: Only when you’re suffering do I feel even a little better.

H: Even when I heard that you were attacked... I could feel no sympathy.

H: Nor could I ever think to myself, ‘Ah, thank goodness you struck back’ with a smile when I hear that you got shot...

Elbert: Fa...ther...

The muzzle of his gun was pointed in my direction in trembling hands.

Hugh: I... I...!!

H: I can no longer stand this hideous self of mine...

I finally understood when the both of us were soaked in blood.

That no matter what I did, I could never give them happiness.

After all, this body of mine, which had been praised as beautiful, was nought but a sham, and my true self was repulsive and hideous.

That’s why——I sought out, I desired, and I collected.

My father’s warm love, and beautiful things that could compensate for the happy days... all of which, I had stolen away.

In the quiet room where I could hear the sound of waves, I pierced a needle through the back of a butterfly.

Once again, I have obtained something beautiful.

With this, surely, the two of them can become happy.

Surely, surely——

—— Kate’s POV ——

After Alfons had finished telling his story, I went to Lord Elbert’s room to visit him.

When I knocked on the door, there was no answer.

(If he’s sleeping, I’ll head back soon...)

When I thought this and quietly turned the doorknob—

Kate: ...!?

Suddenly, a pair of arms came out from inside the room and pulled me into a tight embrace.

Kate: Lord Elbert... Um, sorry to come in at this hour...

K: I was worried about you, so... I came to make sure nothing had happened to you.

Elbert: ...You weren’t there when I woke up, so I was worried.

E: Usually, I end up waking to the smallest of noise...

He murmured worriedly, and he questioned me while I was still against his chest.

Elbert: ...Where did you go?

His tone was heavy as he asked the question, whispering in my ear.

Kate: I... talked a little bit, with Alfons.

I couldn’t tell Lord Elbert that we had been conversing about his past, but I also couldn’t bring myself to lie, and so I gave him a vague answer.

When I did, I could feel the arms around my back grow tighter.

Elbert: ...Just the two of you?

Kate: Eh...? Uhm... yes.

Elbert: ...I don’t want you to be alone with anyone else but me.

E: I can’t bear the thought, of your heart being taken by someone else...

Still embracing me in his arms, Lord Elbert murmured in a monotonous voice.

Kate: No matter what...?

Elbert: ...Mn. ...No matter what.

E: If only... I could be the only one in your eyes.

His breath from his voice grazed my ear, and I felt my cheeks subconsciously get warmer.

(How nice it would be nice if this was a simple jealousy...)

When I thought this, my heart squeezed.

(How nice it would be if the reason Lord Elbert wanted me was because he likes me...)

As if being pierced by needles, my heart hurt all over.

I couldn’t move from where I was, and my breath quickened.

(How nice it would be... if, he wanted to be happy... with me...)

My feelings were caught in my throat, overflowing ceaselessly——

(Ahh, I see... I...)

(I want to be happy... together.)

This sweet, heartrending feeling spilled out, like blood flowing out from an open wound.

(I want to be happy, together... with Lord Elbert.)

(Because, you are sad, and yet so, so kind... and I love you for that.)

Elbert: ...Kate?

Kate: ...!

My breathing had become ragged, and Lord Elbert tried to peer into me.

(...No, this won’t do.)

My heart had long since already been stolen by Lord Elbert.

(But I can’t give that away.)

(If I become his before I can pull him out of this cycle of collecting beautiful things, then...)

(There will be no second chance — that, I was sure of.)

I would simply be decorated in his room as just another one of the things that ‘weren’t beautiful.’

Looking at such things and hurting himself, after all, was probably his atonement.

Elbert: Look here.

Kate: ...

His smooth hands came toward my cheeks, cupping them as he raised my head.

(Lord Elbert...)

When my eyes met with ones that seemed to sink into sadness, I was reminded that the story I heard before was indeed, a story of the past that had actually happened.

The ‘filth’ that flowed through his blood,

the people who pushed the notion of ‘beauty’ on his appearance against his will,

touting about love while hurting him, and Lord Elbert, who accepted all of that.

When I thought about those, anger, sadness, and helplessness bubbled up from inside me.

Elbert: ...Why, do you look so sad?

(What happened to your parents, isn’t your fault.)

(No matter where you were born, no matter what appearance you have, there isn’t a sin anywhere in there.)

(That’s why... please, don’t hurt yourself any more.)

The words threatened to spill out of my throat, and it took all I had to swallow my words down.

And to stop the tears that pricked my eyes from overflowing, I had to bite my inner lip.

Kate: It’s nothing, so... please don’t worry about it.

Elbert: ......That’s a lie.

Kate: It’s true.

In an attempt to not worry Lord Elbert, who was much more sensitive to people’s sadness than most, I put on a smile.

(Right now, telling him that I know about his past, and denying that sin...)

(...would probably hurt Lord Elbert more than help.)

The two most important people in his life had gotten a taste of sadness, and ended up dying.

And he had always felt responsible for that. That was the truth.

If I said something simple like ‘you have never once bore a sin since the beginning,’

that would be the same as denying the days he had spent to atone, and that——would have hurt him as if being hit by violence.

(But, as for what I can do now...)

I looked straight into Lord Elbert’s blue eyes.

Kate: Lord Elbert.

Elbert: ...What is it?

Kate: From now on, please, tell me about yourself more.

Elbert: About me...? Why...?

(So that, someday,)

(you can be freed from having to atone... or that’s how it should be, right?)

Lord Elbert killed his kind heart,

collected beautiful things, and continued to hurt himself.

I wanted to believe that, within the things he did, there was a fleeting hope.

(How can I help Lord Elbert forgive himself, and end this atonement?)

(I want a clue for that——so that I can save you.)

(That’s why, I have to know more about you.)

Kate: ...Naturally, my heart won’t be stolen by someone I don’t know well, you know?

K: That’s why, I would like you to tell me more... about what you’re feeling.

Elbert: ...If I do tell you, will you become mine?

Kate: That... I don’t know yet.

K: But, it is possible.

Elbert: ...Alright, then. I will do my best to tell you as much as I can, about my feelings.

His arms loosened around me, and I could finally catch my breath.

(Ah...)

I should be relieved, but instead I ended up feeling lonely, and in a panic, I looked down at the floor.

Kate: Well then, I will return to my room now. Good night, Lord Elbert.

Elbert: Good night...

I turned away to try to leave, but...

Elbert: ...Kate.

Kate: Yes...?

As if chasing after me, I heard his voice from behind me, and I turned back around without thinking.

Elbert: When we say good night to each other like this... it makes me ‘happy.’

Kate: ...?

My heartbeat sounded loud to me at those words.

Seemingly unaware of my trembling, Lord Elbert tilted his head.

Elbert: Was this, what you meant when you said ‘tell me more about yourself?’

(...O-oh, I see...)

(He’s doing as I said and telling me how he’s feeling now.)

Kate: ...Yes... that’s right.

K: ...I’m, also happy.

Elbert: ...I see. ...I’m glad.

Kate: ...Uhm, well then, I’ll excuse myself now.

My heart was throbbing as it loudly beat in my ears, and in an attempt to hide it, I left the room in a panic.

(I have to calm down...)

(The only reason Lord Elbert said what he did was because he wanted to ‘have’ me, and in order to do so, he complied with my request.)

My heart was still beating loudly, and I told myself not to hold any strange expectations.

(But...)

(At the very least, he does have a deep affection for me, right?)

Deep enough that he told me directly that exchanging goodnights made him ‘happy.’

(And that really, truly makes me happy...)

(But—)

Not being able to express that happiness openly to him, was agonizing.

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˗ˏˋ full masterlist ´ˎ˗ 🍎✨

🏷️: @magicalkoo (leave a comment, send an ask, or dm me saying you want to be added to the tag list if you want to be tagged!)

[blue-character-brawl]

The brackets are finally here!

(sorry for the poor quality of the bracket images lol it’s the best i could do)

Two quick propaganda rules:

1. Propaganda is good and encouraged, just don’t send any negative propaganda. This tournament is for fun, and anti-propaganda kinda ruins that.

2. If you do make propaganda, you can either send it through my ask box, or you can reblog the post with your propaganda. Either is fine!

These 6 brackets will go on until there’s only one character left in each. Once the six semi-finalists are chosen, there will be two battles of 3, and then the winners of that will go against each other in the finals! Each poll will last for one day, but the finals and semifinals will be a week each. The posting schedule will be one bracket a day, meaning that day 1 will be bracket 1 round 1, day 2 will be bracket 2 round 1, and so on. The first set of polls will drop tomorrow (March 30) at roughly 4:00 PM EST. Now, onto the actual matchups!

Bracket 1:

Cam (Rhythm Heaven) VS. Casey (Deca Sports)

Grover (Sesame Street) VS. Rosita (Sesame Street)

Cookie Monster (Sesame Street) VS. Gonzo (The Muppets)

Blue (Blue’s Clues) VS. Flippy Doggenbottom (Toontown)

Bluey Heeler (Bluey) VS. Bandit Heeler (Bluey)

The Tesseract (Marvel) VS. Captain America (Marvel)

Blue (Overly Sarcastic Productions) VS. Blue (Animator VS Animation)

13th Doctor (Doctor Who) VS. The TARDIS (Doctor Who)

Lancer (Deltarune) VS. Lance McClain (Voltron)

Link (Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild) VS. Zelda (Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild)

Navi (Legend of Zelda) VS. Fi (Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword)

Phoenix Wright (Ace Attorney) VS. Trucy Wright (Ace Attorney)

Mega Man (Mega Man) VS. Megamind (Megamind)

MePhone4 (Inanimate Insanity) VS. Four (Battle for BFDI)

Teardrop (Battle for Dream Island) VS. Sadness (Inside Out)

Blue Album (Weezer) VS. Blue Meanie (Yellow Submarine)

Bracket 2:

Scott Wozniak (Scott the Woz) VS. Jacob (Alpharad)

Big Pauly (Papa Louie) VS. Watergirl (Fireboy and Watergirl)

Abby (Wii Sports) VS. Saburo (Wii Sports)

Kris (Deltarune) VS. Berdly (Deltarune)

Powerade VS. Gatorade

Percy Jackson (Percy Jackson) VS. Luka Couffaine (Miraculous Ladybug)

Gooey (Kirby) VS. Goo (Inanimate Insanity)

Benrey (HLVRAI) VS. Bubby (HLVRAI)

Gus Porter (The Owl House) VS. Anne Boonchuy (Amphibia)

Agent (Penguinronpa) VS. Gary the Gadget Guy (Club Penguin)

Mordecai (Regular Show) VS. Blue-footed Booby (Real Life)

Wish Bear (Care Bears) VS. Grumpy Bear (Care Bears)

The ocean (Real Life) VS. Elsa (Frozen)

Cinderella (Cinderella) VS. Alice (Alice in Wonderland)

Doc Hudson (Cars) VS. Sally Carrera (Cars)

Mudkip (Pokémon) VS. Squirtle (Pokémon)

Bracket 3:

Marth (Fire Emblem) VS. Lucina (Fire Emblem)

Chrom (Fire Emblem) VS. Dimitri (Fire Emblem)

Donald Duck (Disney) VS. Dewey Duck (Ducktales)

Sonic the Hedgehog (Sonic the Hedgehog) VS. Leonardo (Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)

Sans (Undertale) VS. Queen (Deltarune)

Dipper Pines (Gravity Falls) VS. Finn the Human (Adventure Time)

Gumball Watterson (The Amazing World of Gumball) VS. Perry the Platypus (Phineas and Ferb)

Squidward Tentacles (SpongeBob Squarepants) VS. Inkling Boy (Splatoon)

Bubbles Utonium (Powerpuff Girls) VS. Bloo (Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends)

Logan Sanders (Sanders Sides) VS. Patton Sanders (Sanders Sides)

Jay Walker (Ninjago) VS. Nya (Ninjago)

Tom (Eddsworld) VS. Thomas the Tank Engine (Thomas and Friends)

Sokka (Avatar: The Last Airbender) VS. Katara (Avatar: The Last Airbender)

Sapphire (Steven Universe) VS. Lapis Lazuli (Steven Universe)

Nightwing (DC Comics) VS. Superman (DC Comics)

Wendy Darling (Peter Pan) VS. Dorothy Gale (The Wizard of Oz)

Bracket 4:

Craig Tucker (South Park) VS. Goombario (Paper Mario)

Hatsune Miku (Vocaloid) VS. Kaito (Vocaloid)

Michael J. Caboose (Red vs Blue) VS. Leonard Church (Red vs Blue)

John Egbert (Homestuck) VS. Vriska Serket (Homestuck)

James P. Sullivan (Monsters, Inc.) VS. The Genie (Aladdin)

Wheatley (Portal) VS. V1 (Ultrakill)

Frosta (She-Ra) VS. Mermista (She-Ra)

Falco Lombardi (Star Fox) VS. Blu (Rio)

R2-D2 (Star Wars) VS. Bo-Katan (Star Wars)

Mountain Dew Voltage VS. Blue Gushers

Pablo (The Backyardigans) VS. Tuxedo Sam (Sanrio)

Crackle (Rice Krispies) VS. Blueberry Muffin (Strawberry Shortcake)

Blue (Pokémon) VS. Piplup (Pokémon)

Nightcrawler (X-Men) VS. Mystique (X-Men)

Sayaka Miki (Puella Magi Madoka Magica) VS. Tsumugi Shirogane (Danganronpa V3)

Shun Kaido (Saiki K.) VS. Teruhashi Kokomi (Saiki K.)

Bracket 5:

Soundwave (Transformers) VS. Optimus Prime (Transformers)

Frankie Stein (Monster High) VS. Lagoona Blue (Monster High)

Stitch (Lilo & Stitch) VS. Roadrunner (Looney Toons)

Merryweather (Sleeping Beauty) VS. Hades (Hercules)

Zazu (Lion King) VS. Benny the Bull (Dora the Explorer)

Samus (Metroid) VS. Shovel Knight (Shovel Knight)

Toy Bonnie (Five Nights at Freddy’s) VS. Spheal (Pokémon)

Lucy van Pelt (Peanuts) VS. Numbuh 2 (Codename: Kids Next Door)

Nebula (Marvel) VS. Steve (Minecraft)

Blue Alien (I’m Blue by Eiffel 65) VS. Shiver (Splatoon 3)

Barney Calhoun (Half-Life) VS. Blue Beetle (DC Comics)

Vivi Yukino (Mystery Skulls Animated) VS. Naoto Shirogane (Persona 4)

Ciel Soleil (RWBY) VS. Bloom (Winx Club)

Jack Harkness (Doctor Who) VS. Spock (Star Trek)

Gwen (Total Drama) VS. Rosalina (Super Mario)

Mugman (Cuphead) VS. Sea Fairy Cookie (Cookie Run)

Bracket 6:

Teddy (Bob’s Burgers) VS. Blue M&M (M&M’s)

Sailor Mercury (Sailor Moon) VS. Silvermist (Disney Fairies)

Bibble (Barbie) VS. Sylvie (Wander Over Yonder)

Simon Seville (Alvin and the Chipmunks) VS. Dory (Finding Nemo)

Tsunami (Wings of Fire) VS. Bluestar (Warrior Cats)

Rainbow Dash (My Little Pony) VS. Metal Sonic (Sonic the Hedgehog)

Beauregard Lionett (Critical Role) VS. Jester Lavorre (Critical Role)

Veronica Sawyer (Heathers) VS. Smurfette (The Smurfs)

Undine Wells (Sleepless Domain) VS. Idia Shroud (Twisted Wonderland)

Lan Wangji (The Untamed) VS. Korra (Legend of Korra)

Pokotho (Hatchetfield) VS. Langa (Sk8 the Infinity)

B.O.B. (Monsters vs Aliens) VS. Vergil (Devil May Cry)

Vault Boy (Fallout) VS. Jake Sully (Avatar)

Phantasma (Scooby-Doo) VS. Jack Frost (Rise of the Guardians)

Tutter (Bear and the Big Blue House) VS. Oswald the Lucky Rabbit (Disney)

Spy (Team Fortress 2) VS. Baljeet Tjinder (Phineas and Ferb)

As stated previously, the first round of polls, which will be Bracket 1 Round 1, will begin on March 30, at approximately 4:00 PM EST. See you then!

[bearsbeetsbeskar]

weed smoking! joel x dispensary shop! reader preview 🍃🔥💨💨💨

A/N: A little taste for you guys! I am very excited at this new idea, especially because I am co-writing this with the actual love of my life @serenaxpedro!!!

So excited to see where it will go and excited to see our grumpy old peepaw finally kick back and relax with some alternate pain management methods. He's not gonna be happy about it at first, but it's going to turn out so good 🤓. Moodboard art also by @serenaxpedro (please go check out her delicious writing as well, she's got some YUMMY Joel fic's posted 🫠)

sneak peak under the cut, feel free to comment or reblog if you want more!

“The side effects from an over the counter painkiller could spike your cholesterol even higher, which is what we do not want,” the doctor continues, unaware of Joel’s steadily boiling frustration. “Which is why I wanted to suggest an alternate method for pain management, something more natural.”

For fucks sake. 

He thought this would be a simple appointment. Show up, get a new prescription for whatever magic pills can help this pain in his back to dissipate, and go home. Not look into ‘alternative methods’ that undoubtedly wouldn’t work.

Joel’s gaze narrows and he huffs, leaning back in his seat. “Natural? Like what, seeing one of those hokey practitioners that read your energies and use natural herb remedies and all that crap?”

“Not quite that per say but it is natural medicine. Medical marijuana to be exact.”

Joel’s mouth goes dry as his jaw hangs open. Weed? Nope. Not the solution he was looking for. 

Maybe what he should be on the market for is a new doctor at this point. 

“Uh listen, I appreciate the suggestion doc, but I don’t think that’s gonna help me at this point. I don’t do that kinda stuff,” he waves his hand dismissively. “If it gets to that point I’ll crack open a beer.” Joel leans forward in his seat and he starts to get up.

“Just a second, hold on. At least let me write you a prescription for it today and you can choose whether or not you want to get it filled at a dispensary.”

“I don’t think-” Joel continues to protest but the doctor cuts him off.

“It’s medicinal marijuana Joel,” the doctor says plainly, as if that’s supposed to calm his nerves. “It has opiate-like properties, which means it’s similar to a pain killer, just without all the usual side effects that come with over the counter medicine. Lots of individuals, older and younger,” the doctor pointedly emphasizes, “use it to help with aches, pain, anxiety, even mental health issues. Not just the physical.”

Joel continues to eye the doctor warily, his spine now stiff as he sits up in the chair. Even now, he can feel his body protesting his upright position, the inkling of that pinched phantom pain coming back slightly. 

“Does it get you high?” he asks the older man. 

Aside from the stories he’s heard, he’s had his fair share of buddies who used to toke up back in the day. Hell, they didn’t even know what was in it back then, they just smoked as a distraction, something fun to do, to take the edge off after a long day's work. Joel tried it once and didn’t like it at all. The hazy, fuzzy feeling not mixing well with his frayed nerves, all glassy eyed and out of touch with his body and his mind. No, he would much rather crack open a beer or pour himself a whiskey neat to kick back and relax when he was stressed.

“Not necessarily, some strains, or some kinds of weed have a higher content of THC, tetrahydrocannabinol, the psychoactive component that makes you feel high or ‘out of it,”’ the doctor explains with finger quotes. “Some medicinal marijuana are low in THC but high in CBD, the relaxing component of marijuana. CBD acts as a relaxer, and it can ease physical pain. So depending on what you’re comfortable with, you can opt for the kinds that have a high CBD but low THC content, which will help with any pain issues, without causing you to experience the high.”

Joel’s mind whirls around the acronyms. THC, CBD, ABC.

Christ.

Does it have to be this fucking complicated?

[mentally-ill-inkling]

its always been a secret, third thing

"doctor who is good again" it was never bad and more crucially, it was never good. hope this helps

[milfygerard]

Not to tell you how to run your own blog but I loved the discussions full of nuance and would love to see them more often. But also on the other hand I know people who did that often enough that they ended up a target of hate too. Apologies for sending the super chaotic album analysis ask, I was running on fumes too, it was 5am and I hadn't gone to bed yet. The winter months come and I always have trouble waking up before the sun sets, and falling asleep before the sunrise.

Anyway I am not diagnosed with anything, never really could be with where I am, even more so as a woman (we don't even have ADHD meds, those with a diagnosis travel abroad just to buy them) but I have an inkling I might be ND because of many factors but mainly due to feeling like I'm an alien my entire life which no one seems to understand. I've thought about going abroad to get a diagnosis and then I read about what they were doing to ND people during covid and I went fuck that I'll stay wondering and alive. As for Taylor I think the biggest pointer for me was seeing her directing Me! and saying she needs to do less "dead face" or whatever she called it when looking at the footage. I went, oh I know that, it's the thing I also tell myself to do when surrounded by people. Later on I learned why that might be a thing I do lmaooo

the absolute dread i felt getting this anon notif like oh no...it begins

I appreciate the very valid concerns, ive seen how swifties can react to and treat blogs that post too much about subjects they don't like or see as valid. I also have mutuals ive seen get on the wrong end of swiftie harassment and it definitely seems overwhelming at the very least. I have a bit of luck/disguise on my end because ive kind of deduced that swifties seem to not care too much about me if they arent mutuals bc i am not technically a swiftie blog. She's definitely the special interest ive been talking about the most, but I don't post about her solely, I don't have her as my icon or in my url (girard <3) or mentioned anywhere that i'm a swift enjoyer except for me tagging her posts for mutuals who don't wanna see it. My actual posts that I write about her rarely get a Ton of notes and i make them pretty sparsely while also talking about and reblogging a ton of other random shit. I think this helps lessen the likeliness that I'll get someone who like...obsessively reads my blog to point out how stupid dumb and stupid my takes are and get attached to me in like a lolcow sense of trying to provoke me into arguing or entertaining them. If i do start getting some of that, I'll probably just turn off anon and asks for awhile and eventually theyll forget I exist or maybe even block me, imagine that <3

For the second part, I do encourage you to look into whatever neurodivergencies you think you may have even if a literal doctors diagnosis isnt a possibility! Part of the reason im pretty comfortable with tossing around words like autism is because I don't see professional diagnosis as a be all end all, nor do I think its bad to give yourself a "wrong" diagnosis while trying to understand yourself. Even if you don't end up identifying with autistm, I think being around autistic circles and learning about coping mechanisms and thought processes for other neurodivergencies can be so helpful for understanding yourself and your brain, and can bring really helpful. Like, I don't personally have DID or severe psychosis but talking to and reading write ups from mutuals has let me learn about them as like mundane mental health issues/NDs that anyone could have as well as issues i have had in the past with mild hallucinations or conceptions of personality. Most mental illnesses and NDs are treated very strangely and cruelly in general society and are considered aberrant or inherently bad or painful, but these are normal and often neutral (or positive! Which is often ignored or not considered) aspects of peoples lives.

If you are curious about self diagnosis, the most reliable and popular test online is the RAADS-R questionnaire which theres a great version of on embrace autism which i also definitely recommend scrolling through. They also have interesting articles, alternate tests and articles and tests for other neurodivergencies like OCD, which really opened my eyes to the likeliness that I've been suffering with undiagnosed OCD for pretty much my entire life. Theres also an autism forum if you want a broader spread of information and advice that might not be immediately accessible to you. I didnt touch on taylor much in this response (the dead face thing is extremely real, that and her talking about deciding to make the blood in anti hero purple glitter glue because she doesnt feel like a real normal human being in that directors on directors interview) but I do hope the other stuff is helpful and not too rambly <3 autism forever

[mentally-ill-inkling]

!! INTRO POST/MASTER POST !!

Updated [2024/09/27]

Hello !!!

My name is icarus, I'm 17, im canadian and bipoc, my pronouns are it/he, I'm agender and aroace

I like color coded things to make it easier to read and have a mini sheet on which color belong to which characters, i use green on myself bc that's my favorite color! I will abuse using the purple and green color bc they look nice together, i think-

I often do get anxious when interacting with people (irl and online) so it takes awhile for me to respond i do apologize for that and am working on it

I'm autistic & my special interest has been ut/utmv since undertale came out ! (I've been here for the horrors.)

Im multifandom (utmv, bleach, the sunbearer trials, bsd, doctor who, genshin impact, i mostly just play it i never interact with the fandom tho-) but I mostly am interacting with the utmv fandom at the moment !

I write and draw whenever I can !! Im not good at etheir despite doing it for years, I do it for fun tho !!

The only thing i ask is you be respectful and kind !!

I have decided to have tags for certain things to keep it in order for my liking and for people to find what they're looking for better

Tags !!

#inkling rants - for when I rant about certain characters I like and my veiw on certain characters/things in fandom spaces

#inkling reblogs [fandom/character] - for my reblogs

#inkling draws [fandom/character] - for when I do draw fanart, it will speficy which character/fandom it's from depending on context

#inkling draws - same as the fanart one but for original art

#inkling writes [fandom] - for any fanfics i write, it will be posted here and other writing sites i use

#inkling writes - same as the fanfic one but for original works

#inkling vented - this will be used for anything like vent art to general vents, block this tag if you wish to not see it

#inkling yaps - for any yapping that isn't specific to any one group

#inkling whumps - for my whumptober, it'll have the year attached to it

whumptobers

whumptober 2024

[3rdgymbros]

━ 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐮𝐲 𝐈 𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐖𝐚𝐬 𝐇𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐓𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐎𝐮𝐭 𝐓𝐨 𝐁𝐞 𝐌𝐲 𝐍𝐞𝐰 𝐁𝐨𝐬𝐬.

— pairing; bonten! sano manjirou x reader  

— summary; in which you mistake the leader of bonten for a homeless man, and offer him money

— notes; please donate to my kofi if you like my content and wish to support me. reblogs are appreciated !!

❋ Of course, it would rain on the day of your job interview.

❋ A loud retort of thunder brings the rain pouring down, sending people into a panic. Umbrellas go up in the crowd, and those without them hastily find shelter in shops or quicken their pace to get out of the rain.

❋ You have a pocket umbrella in your bag, but it’s completely forgotten in your panicked haste to escape the thunder and the drizzle.

❋ You end up taking shelter in an ornate parapet with a young man about your age, as you try to brush droplets of rain from your clothes and face. He spares you only an indifferent passing glance, but the bleakness in his eyes frightens you. You’ve never seen anyone look so desolate, so utterly broken. It’s almost if there’s no life in him. He looks as grey as death with deep shadows etched upon the angles and planes of his breath-taking face.

❋ You stand beside him in silence, sensing that he probably isn’t one for small talk. Instead, you check the weather reports on your phone, relieved to find out that this is just a passing shower. And indeed, the sudden downpour already seems to be lightening into a drizzle.

❋ “Here, take this.” You unzip your bag and push your umbrella towards him. And though he takes it from you, his eyes remain as blank as ever. “It’s fine, I’ll be out of the rain in a bit!”

❋ You fumble with your purse, and withdraw a thin fold of cash, which is also pressed into his hands. This time, his mask slips for just a second. But as soon as the dull surprise registers in his face, it’s gone, sealed away behind cold grey eyes and an expression carved from marble. “You should also probably buy something nice to eat or find a place to stay for the night.”

❋ It’s with a last smile and a quick wave that you’re on your way. The icy rain trickles down the back of your scarfless neck, but the discomfort lasts for only a short time. You soon duck into a twenty-story office building, a sleek spire of gleaming grey that pierces the clouds.

❋ The interior is just as awe-inspiring, with golden-veined marble floors and walls, and brushed aluminium security desk and turnstiles. A very pretty receptionist shows you into a spacious glass-walled meeting room furnished with a spacious table of dark wood table and at least twenty matching chairs.

❋ The meeting room boasts floor-to-ceiling views of the impressive Tokyo skyline, as you take a seat, you find yourself nearly wilting in relief that you’ve managed to arrive on time. You have no idea what Bonten will do to late-comers, but considering your first encounter with them . . . You have a vague inkling that it can’t be anything good.

❋ The man who enters the room introduces himself as Takeomi Akashi. He’s tall, and dressed in a fine grey suit, a pink shirt and a maroon tie. His hair is slicked back, away from his face, and his eyes almost seem to be assessing you with a shrewd gaze. An unlit cigarette dangles between his lips.

❋ He pages through your resume and must like what he sees, for he nods approvingly and almost smiles at you. “Ordinarily, you would be interviewed by someone else, but you came . . . Highly recommended from Ran and Rindou.”

❋ Ah. Right. How could you forget the day those two barged into your clinic at closing time, held you at gunpoint, and demanded that you treat a pink-haired co-worker of theirs? And then proceeded to offer you a job as Bonten’s doctor before the blood had so much as dried upon your latex gloves.

❋ You grimace. “Thanks?”    

❋ Akashi, thankfully, doesn’t comment on the expression on your face, but instead begins asking you questions, ones you’re sure would never be asked in a normal job interview. What benefits can you bring to the organization? Have you ever fired a gun? Have you ever thought about killing someone?

❋ And so it goes. You answer the questions as best as you can, and you think that you’ve been sitting with Akashi for about ten minutes when the door to the conference room opens, and the man from the bus stop strides into the room.

❋ You do a double take, but the man doesn’t even give you a second glance as he breezes by you and conducts a hushed conversation with Akashi. You hastily glance out the window and try to lose yourself in the stunning views, trying to give them some semblance of privacy. The conversation is brief, and is over as suddenly as it had begun. The man from the bus stop leaves, and it’s just you and Akashi once again.

❋ “Congratulations.” Akashi says, and the frown on his face smoothens out. “Welcome to Bonten.”

❋ You have no doubt in your mind that the man from the bus stop had come in to pull some strings, and you frown, still confused. You crane your neck, trying unsuccessfully to catch a last glimpse of the stranger. “Uh, can he do that?”

❋ “Hire you?” At your nod, Akashi says, “He’s our boss. Didn’t you know that?”

❋ Oh. Oh no.

❋ What have you done?

[mentally-ill-inkling]

AGREED !! REAL !! BASED !!

nine looks like he gives hugs that are solid and tight and grounding and get you back on your feet so you can keep going while ten looks like he gives soft warm comfy hugs you can curl up in to be sad

[heartnosekid]

do you have any advice for trying to get officaly diagnosed?

i feel like educating yourself on autism and how it affects your life is extremely important to obtaining the official diagnosis, as it provides inklings for your doctor to see how your lack of a diagnosis is hindering your life.

personally, i spent most of my life kinda just knowing i was extremely different from other people, save for my also Very Autistic best friend, and that gave me the drive to seek a diagnosis for what i was experiencing. differences like my inability to communicate my needs in a beneficial way from a very early age, my difficulty processing information in school despite being deemed a gifted student early on, my tendency to hyperfixate on and be overwhelmed by things i enjoyed, my need to violently stim and constantly be moving or else i would explode, etc.

so whenever i decided to seek formal diagnosis, i emailed an adhd centric office that was near to me and they forwarded me to an office that could assess me for autism.

it all went kind of quickly from there, but i have to stress if you are in the USA, insurance will almost never pay for your assessment if you are over 21. i owe quite a bit of money to the doctor that did my assessment, so that’s the only big downside to receiving my diagnosis so far.

i should note that i had to have my guardians complete some assessments as well to obtain my diagnosis, so it is significantly more difficult for those with neglectful / abusive / absent parents to provide that information. i’m not 100% sure how that process would go for those in that situation, but one of my partners and my best friend both are in that situation and fear their lack of perspective from guardians would hinder them in obtaining a diagnosis.

i am sorry i can’t provide more advice, i honestly didn’t have a very hard time obtaining my diagnosis. i know others do experience extreme difficulty however, so if anyone who has had a more difficult journey obtaining their diagnosis wishes to comment on or reblog this post with their experiences, that is very much welcomed.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 301: All My Todorokis

Previously on BnHA: We learned that when a bunch of superpowered villains are suddenly set loose with nobody around to stop them, things get fucked pretty quickly. Old Man Samurai and a bunch of other useless people decided to make “I pretend I do not see it” their new mantra, and resigned. Endeavor had a moment of despair on account of being crushed by the guilt of having ruined the lives of himself, his family, and basically everyone else in the entire world. For various reasons the heretical notion of “person who has done bad things feels sorry for doing them” sent fandom spiraling into a meltdown, so that was fun. The chapter ended with the entire Todoroki clan descending upon Enji’s hospital room to have a dramatic chat about Touya and All That General Fuckery.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “here’s the story of how Baby Touya slowly went insane trying to win his father’s love.” It’s a tale full of subverted expectations and heartbreaking inevitability, and also like twenty panels of the cutest fucking kids who ever existed on planet earth, who are so fucking cute that I can’t stop thinking about their cuteness even with all of the horrifying family tragedy unfolding around them. It is absolutely ridiculous how cute they are. Touya is out here pushing his tiny body past its limits because he inherited the same obsession as his dad and neither of them can put it aside even though it’s destroying them, and yet all I can think about is Baby Shouto’s (。･o･｡) face. Anyways what a chapter.

so I have to confess that even though I managed to avoid being caught off-guard by the early leaks, the number of people reblogging my Endeavor posts from earlier this week and using the tag “bnha 301” kind of gave me an inkling that this chapter will include more Tododrama lol. that said, I don’t know anything else about it, so we’re still good spoiler-wise

AHHHHH FLAHSBAKC AHHHH. omg I know I typoed the shit out of that, but I’m just going to leave it lol I think it’s fitting

holy shit holy fuck. so this is Rei and Enji’s first meeting, then??

yepppp, oh shit

so wait, I know this is not even the slightest bit important, but are they meeting at Enji’s home or Rei’s? because I always figured that Enji was the one with the super-Japanese aesthetic, but maybe that was Rei’s side of the family all along

(ETA: from what I found during my very brief google search, omiai meetings are often held at fancy hotels or restaurants, so maybe that’s what this is.)

there’s such a period drama feel to this setting. like it’s so outrageously formal fff how can anyone stand this kind of atmosphere though seriously

OH THANK GOD

I mean they’re still stiff af but at least they’re not rigidly sitting in seiza and staring at each other unblinkingly anymore lol. Enji’s actually got his hands in his pockets now. why is this somehow almost cute

oh damn it’s the flowers

Rei seems so subdued and it’s so hard to get any idea of what she’s actually thinking. I want to see her side of this dammit

but anyway, so at least from Enji’s perspective it seems like even though the marriage was arranged and he picked her because of her quirk, he still loved his wife and wanted to do right by her. the fact that he was watching her and noticed that she liked the flowers, and remembered that detail for all these years -- there’s a reason why Horikoshi’s showing us this. we know what’s going to happen later on; we know how much fear and violence and breaking of trust is coming up ahead, and while it may seem like this scene is serving to soften Enji’s character further -- which to be fair it is -- it also helps drive home the full impact of his abuse. that it’s so terrible not only because of the trauma of the abuse itself, but also because of the way it retroactively destroys all of the good things as well. this could have potentially been such a sweet scene, but it’s inescapably tainted by the knowledge of what’s to come, at least for me. and that’s just brutal

anyways, shit. is the whole chapter going to be like this?? feel free to toss in something I can actually make a joke about sometime, Horikoshi

oop, back to the present

omfg lol

“are you all right” “NO I’M NOT ALL RIGHT WHAT THE FUCK.” “oh, right, because of all the stuff that’s happened with me abusing you and you having a mental breakdown and being hospitalized for ten years and then our son coming back to life and killing thirty people, right, right. I almost forgot.” whoops

omfg you guys I’m loving this new and improved steely-eyed Rei. I’m loving her a lot

and what do you mean “part one” fkjds how long is this going to be. TOO MUCH DRAMA FOR ONE CHAPTER TO HANDLE

oh, hello

yeah I’ll say you did. didn’t seem to bother you much at the time, though

HMMMMMMMMMMMM

Dabi Is A Noumu intensifies even further. anyways though would you fucking look at this boy lounging on this moth-eaten couch doing his best DRAW ME LIKE YOUR FRENCH GIRLS impression wtf

Dabi what if you actually had killed him??? what would you feel?? satisfaction?? regret?? anything at all?? tell me your secrets goddammit

who are you talking to buddy

Fuyumi-chan, Natsu-kun (is it common for brothers to address each other as -kun?? can’t recall seeing that in many other anime, but hey), and “dot dot dot,,,,,, SHOUTO” lol thank you so much for this bountiful heaping of Tododrama Horikoshi we are blessed

AH, WHAT DID I SAY THE OTHER DAY

ULTIMATE MELODRAMATIC THEATER CHILD. “I’M JUST GOING TO LIE ON THIS COUCH SHIRTLESS AND ALONE AND MAKE SPEECHES TO MY FAMILY MEMBERS WHO AREN’T THERE AND SAY THINGS LIKE ‘WATCH ME IN THE PITS OF HELL’ WITH A STRAIGHT FACE BECAUSE NO ONE’S THERE TO JUDGE ME.” WELL JOKE’S ON YOU MISTER CHATTERBOX BECAUSE I AM IN FACT JUDGING THE SHIT OUT OF YOU LOL

(ETA: and on a more serious note, it’s interesting to see that “look at me”/”watch me” theme being used again though, because we see that same sentiment uttered repeatedly by the younger Touya in the flashback. well kid, you definitely got your wish at last. don’t know what else to say.)

OKAY HORIKOSHI HAS DECIDED THAT’S ENOUGH FUN, TIME FOR MORE FLASHBACKS

oh my sweet precious lord

just as cute as we left him. giving us a child this cute when we all know full well what’s going to happen to him is just unspeakably cruel though

HOMG

I’m fucking speechless. you broke me, congratulations. what am I even supposed to do with this

I can’t get over this. moving forward my life will be split into two distinct parts, B.P. (Before the Pout) and A.P. (After the Pout)

and meanwhile there’s ALL THIS BACKGROUND ANGST BUILDING UP, AND I CAN’T EVEN FOCUS ON IT. Touya’s arm and cheek are covered in bandages (I’m guessing this is shortly after that “ouch!” panel we got some chapters back), and Enji is deliberately avoiding training with him because he doesn’t want him to hurt himself further. I can’t fucking get over the irony that all this time everyone thought Touya had died because Enji pushed him too far in his training, and it turns out that it’s the opposite -- the tragedy ultimately happened because he didn’t want to push him. but I’m jumping ahead of myself though I guess

by the way,

remember this?? just wanted to remind you that it exists just in case you forgot

so now someone is talking and basically saying that Touya is the exact opposite of what Enji was hoping for when he decided to start playing with quirk genetics

-- okay hold up

...lol no, never mind. for a second I thought “holy shit he looks kind of familiar WHAT IF IT’S UJIKO OMG” before I remembered that Enji would have recognized him during the hospital capture mission if that was the case. so NEVER MIND, PROCEED

IMAGINE THAT, ENJI DOESN’T QUITE SEEM SATISFIED WITH THIS SUGGESTION OF QUITTING NOW

(ETA: how the fuck did this man go around saving 62 towns in a single day what even is All Might.)

[clicks tongue several times] trouble a’brewin’

MEANWHILE BABY TOUYA HAS UNFORTUNATELY INHERITED HIS DAD’S STUBBORN STREAK

KLDIHWOEIJFL:KSDJ

!!!!!!!!!!!

oh my god. oh my god. what is this chapter. WHAT IS IT

so now Touya is all “YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND MY MANLY DESIRE TO BURN MYSELF ALIVE” well you got her there champ

THEY’RE TOO CUTE. OH MY GOD. HIS FURIOUS LITTLE TEARS. HER CHUBBY LIL FACE. HIS STUBBY LIL FISTS. SOMEONE HELP ME

also are they just home alone lol or what. “hey Touya, you’re what, like six now?? do us a favor and look after your baby sister for a couple hours for us would you? make sure not to set yourself on fire or anything.” WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG!!

now it’s nighttime and Enji and Rei are arguing, presumably about his decision not to train Touya anymore

whew. okay. so, a couple of things here

1. first of all I think this conclusively shows that Enji really was trying to do the best he could for Touya. he stopped training him as soon as he realized it was hurting him, but Touya was still determined so he tried to make it work anyway, and even visited doctors to try and figure out if there was anything they could do. then, once they were absolutely sure that it wasn’t going to work, he tried multiple times to explain to Touya why they had to stop. he didn’t just abandon him out of the blue, which is really important to note. “no matter how much I tried telling him...”

so yeah, that debunks another common fandom accusation. so by the time he finally makes this decision, which we all know is going to turn out horribly, it’s basically because he’s already tried everything else he could think of. which, by the way, still doesn’t mean he handled this right. but at the very least he was taking Touya’s feelings into account and he was trying, and he didn’t just abruptly toss his son aside (at least not yet)

2. buuuut, then there’s this panel right below all that

which is the other side of it. if he’d just quit like the doctor person advised him to, that would have been the end of it. Touya would still have been upset, but he would have eventually gotten over it and the family would have moved on and possibly even been happy. but what happens next happens because Enji can’t let go. he still has this maddening urge to surpass All Might, and so he and Rei keep having more children, and then Shouto is born, and Enji finally has a kid he can start projecting all of his hysterical ambitions onto once again, and everything starts spiraling out of control soon after

though p.s. none of that is Shouto’s fault though!! he’s one of the few good things to come out of this whole mess and I’m very happy that he exists. the tragedy is that his dad fucking lost his mind over his quirk and fucked everything up. but that’s on him, not Touya or Shouto

anyways, SLKFJLSHGLKJL

I CAN’T FUCKING TAKE THIS YOU GUYS??? LOOK AT THAT LIL BUTTON OF A NOSE??? I’M LOSING IT HERE???

AND TOUYA JUST SEEMS DEVASTATED OMG

because children aren’t stupid, after all. he understands that his dad is still looking to surpass All Might. and so he feels like a failure, and feels like his dad is trying to replace him because he wasn’t good enough. and even now, isn’t that what the adult Touya is trying to prove?? that he was good enough after all?? “I’ll show you what happens when you give up on me, dad”?? “I’ll show you what I can do”?? fuck my life fuck everything

AND YOU CAN SEE THE TOLL THAT IT’S ALL TAKING ON REI GETTING WORSE AND WORSE AS WELL OH GOD

really nice touch here with the panel outlines becoming all shimmery from the heat of Endeavor’s flames (and/or becoming more unstable as the family gets closer and closer to their breaking point). but man, Horikoshi I can’t handle this, please show us more cute kids or something I can’t

GKELKWFJLDKSHFLKL

WITTLE BABE. BEEB. BUBS. SMOL. lkj; oh ouch a piece of my heart just detached and latched onto him huh look at that

TODOROKI “I’M SO SMALL AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT’S GOING ON AND I DIDN’T ASK TO BE HERE” SHOUTO AHHHHH

crazy how they all just seem to know right off the bat lol. kid doesn’t even have object permanence yet, let alone a quirk. but do they care?? IT’S THE HAIR, RIGHT. WE’RE ALL THINKING IT, I’M JUST GONNA COME OUT AND SAY IT. they knew the minute they looked at him lol

AND MEANWHILE TOUYA IS OFF HAVING UNSUPERVISED TRAINING/CRYING SESSIONS IN THE MOUNTAINS OR WHATEVER, AND, UH OH

are those blue flames yet?? they seem pretty close

(ETA: this is one of the few cases where the manga being in black and white is infuriating lol.)

OH MY GOD AND STILL

so it’s not like he was so disinterested that he didn’t notice what was happening, and he was still trying to stop it and get through to him. trying to reassure him that it wasn’t the end of the world and there were other things he could do with his life, but this one particular thing just wasn’t going to happen

fucking hell. it’s agonizing seeing how close they actually were to fixing it. if he’d only said the right words, or if he’d realized at this point how destructive his obsession could be to his kids, and backed off from putting that same pressure on Shouto. we came so close to possibly having a happy ending

AND ALSO THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING BUT PLEASE LOOK AT HOW TOUYA IS LIKE THREE AND A HALF FEET TALL AND HIS DAD IS LIKE NINE AND A HALF FEET. Touya barely comes past his knees flkjlkg. the Todoroki household must have been so filled with like plastic stepstools to reach the bathroom sink and all the little baby toothbrushes, and baby gates to keep the kiddos out of the important grown-up rooms and stuff. and also days-old half-empty cups of water and stale crackers and hot wheels and my little ponies strewn everywhere

“BUT EVERYONE AT SCHOOL SAYS THEY’RE GONNA BE HEROES” a wild Deku parallel appears?? how bout that

I know this is like a pivotal moment in the Todo Tragedy and all, but fucking look at this lil dumpling

“sup bro, it’s me, the manifestation of your fears of inadequacy and lack of fatherly affections. a GAAA. ba-baAA-baa [gurgling baby sounds]”

OHHHHH IT’S THE SOUND OF MY HEART BREAKING OH NO

HE WANTS TO BE LIKE YOU ENJI. good lord somebody please just get this family some therapy

“DAD YOU IGNITED IT IN ME” flkjslkj nope, nope. not ready for this pain here

baby Shouto, would you like to weigh in on this affair? “DA!! ba-ga-daaa, [pacifier chewing noises]” oh my, you don’t say. so insightful for one so young

OH MY GODDDDDD

IT’S SO DRAMATIC BUT ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT ARE THE SHOUNEN WOOSH LINES SURROUNDING FOUR-MONTH-OLD SHOUTO LOL HE WAS LIKE THIS FROM BIRTH OH MY GOD I AM DYING HELP

SHOUTO YOU’RE RUINING THIS ENTIRE CHAPTER!?!?!

“yo, the fuck kind of family was I fucking born into” oh, son. if you only knew. IF YOU ONLY KNEW!!

(ETA: lmao I got so distracted by the ridiculous cuteness that I glossed over the fact that Baby Touya seems to possibly be aiming at him?? it’s hard to tell because he’s also super out of it from heatstroke and may just be losing control in his attempt to show off his upgrade.)

ANYWAY THAT’S THE END EXCEPT WHAT’S THIS LAST LINE OMG

ffffff. and we’re in for ANOTHER chapter of this next week?? MORE drama?? MORE BABIES?? MORE OF EIGHT-YEAR-OLD TOUYA’S SLOW DESCENT INTO MADNESS. MY HEART CAN’T TAKE IT, BUT ALSO YES PLEASE SIGN ME UP

[yuvon-writes-letters]

Yu?

Why do I have a bad feeling?

I’ve been trying my best to keep up with the letters, something happened with, Domino was it?

I’ve been having dreams, a count-down, it hit zero. And for some reason, I feel like that’s a bad thing.

If it helps, I’m, better now. I may have overreacted to the incident, the doctors say that all Skie has is a broken nose and sprained arms, and bruises, and scratches.

Well, not AS bad as I thought, but still bad.

I’ve been given a break, so I’m alright.

Yu, what’s going on. Who’s Inkling? Why was Flower mentioned? What happened with Domino?

Rai.

[The proceeding text is in an unknown language, it’s blurry, as if your looking on a glitchy hologram rather than paper]

⟟⌇ ⏁⊑⟟⌇, ⊬⎍⎐⍜⋏?

⍙⊑⏃⏁ ⏚⟟⍀⏁⊑⌿⌰⏃☊⟒ ⎅⍜ ⊬⍜⎍ ⊑⏃⟟⌰ ⎎⍀⍜⋔? ⍙⊑⊬ ⎅⍜ ⊬⍜⎍ ⊑⏃⌿⏁ ⍜⋏ ⍀⏃⟟?

⍙⊑⍜’⌇ ⏚⌰⏃☊☍ ⟟⋏☍?

|Real person behind Rai here. This language isn’t a part of some cipher, it’s actually related to a fandom I’ve been reblogging about a lot, so I guess that’ll help to translate|

Hallo, Rai.

As you may have gathered by my previous letter, the situation is not good.

Yes, I’ll summarize those events in a little while. Your dream of a countdown is odd, as is the fact that it hit zero when

Well. Yes. In any case. I am glad to hear that Skie will be alright. Certainly, the damage is bad, but as you acknowledged, it could have been far worse.

As for what has been happening recently... Inkling is a nickname that Domino has been using for Black Ink, and it somewhat caught on with Yuvon. Similarly with Inky. It seems we cannot ever settle on one nickname for that thing.

Domino is being attacked by an entity that is taking inspiration from Black Ink, that speaks explicitly in Morse code. Last we heard of Domino, her situation was... dire. I believe Yuvon had mostly been hanging on through bravado and denial, and having both of those shattered led her to... well, you know. In any case, Flower took interest in the other entity after it branded Domino, and sent a white lily through Yuvon’s reply to Domino. It seems to be a mostly normal lily, not one that attacks others.

The odd thing is, though, Domino’s entity seems to be targeting Domino explicitly to attack Yuvon. While Black Ink has done similar things before, all of its worst acts have been at least partially and usually mostly motivated by Yuvon herself. I am unclear on why Domino’s entity is so fixated on her.

I am also unclear on whether your entity will blur this out or not, but it seems to be reaching out to us.

As the entity is addressing Yuvon, I will leave the response to her.

Sincerely,

Jake

Rai,

Hi.

I’m not really sure what to say. Well, I know part of what to say, so I’ll start there.

I’m glad Skie’s going to be alright. Whenever you see her next, give her my best.

Your dream is interesting too. Well, no, you said dreamS, right? Plural? That’s not exactly natural. There’s a good chance it’s another entity thing, but you probably already figured that one out.

I don’t know what to say.

Jake’s summary of events was fairly accurate, though there was some added weirdness in that some entity or other cured Domino’s pneumonia and made her pursuers back off a bit and make stupid mistakes.

I don’t have much else to say but that I’m sorry. I’ll assume you read the other letter by now. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I don’t want to hurt anyone. Even that fucking entity. I just wanted it to back off. Something felt like it was pushing me further, but it all stopped when I... you know.

Anyways.

Hello, entity. I am Yuvon, yes. I’m from the US, around the New York City area. I am not entirely sure what you mean; maybe you misspelled. “Black Ink”, who’s known by quite a few names by now, is the entity keeping me imprisoned here, and also the one facilitating this letter exchange.

Now, some questions for you. Are you the one who’s been making Rai sleepwalk, blank out, and made him hurt Skie? If not, do you know who? If so, why?

And, again, Rai: I’m sorry.

—Yu

(The letter tucks itself into the paper clip with the others.)

[alpaca-writes]

Mystics, Chapter 22

When Arch becomes hired on at Mystics by the strange shopkeeper Lyrem Nomadus, everything seems to be going well- in fact, their life nearly becomes perfection. Soon enough, however, Arch realizes that perhaps not everything is as perfect as it seems….

Read Chapters 1-21 and more HERE

Taglist: @myst-in-the-mirror, @livingforthewhump

CW: very sad... like quite sad. Not the saddist I have planned for him, but obviously Lyrem centric because it is sad. Also Memory whump :) and Cancer mention :( 

If you enjoy my work and are reading my stories then please do me a teeny tiny favor and reblog my work! Xx. - Alpaca.

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CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO: ROOM 111

        Lyrem opened his eyes, exhausted from the effort to stay awake. The nurse released his hand from the man’s shoulder as he remembered what he would be waking up to and Lyrem jolted upright in the navy cloth seat. The waiting room was painted white from top to bottom with just a bit of colour on the walls in the failed attempt for the area to feel welcoming.

        “Sir,” the nurse addressed him. “Your wife is out of surgery now.”

        Lyrem sniffed and stood up, the weight of a clear stone sat in his pocket. On it was etched a symbol of an oddly shaped wheel with three prongs. It was the only thing holding him together-especially now as his legs were fighting him the whole way down the hall. Truthfully, he didn’t want to see her. He was afraid to see her.

        He imagined tubes. Too many tubes. Sticking out of Maria at every direction- smeared with rusty patches of blood- in pain and breathing with difficulty. He’d have to deliver her water, probably; Ask for a nurse to give her more pillows and more pain relief, too. He should have brought flowers- what kind of idiot forgets to bring flowers to his wife’s hospital bed?!

        “Can I speak with the surgeon?” Lyrem stuck out a hand, brushing the forearm of the nurse who would lead him to Maria. “Can I know…”

        He couldn’t finish the question- how much longer she has?

        The nurse paused to nod him a sympathetic smile.

        “The surgeon will be available to speak with you both soon.”

        Lyrem choked back a small breath. Maria was awake? He didn’t think she would be awake. The nurse left him outside the door with the silver numbers 111 beside it. His reflection, nailed to the door jam, played his fear back to him. It reminded him that he couldn’t be afraid. He wouldn’t let her know he was.

        He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes before crossing over the threshold- perhaps it was out of habit. Part of him even wished the Labyrinth might take him instead of Room 111.

        “Oh, who’s this handsome fella?”

        Lyrem’s mouth curled at the edges. Before speaking, he reached into his jacket, and pulled out a small yellow book.

        “His name’s Aurelius.”

        Maria chuckled lightly. The book was set down on the attached table to the bedframe. She didn’t reach for it. Lyrem found his eyes drifting away from hers each time he felt the contact lingered for too long. Her eyes like storm clouds, were once bright and lively. Today, and for many days previous, they had sunken in her growing sickness.

        “Did they tell you anything, yet?” Lyrem asked with his eyes to the geometric carpeted floor. It was badly stained and needed desperate replacing.

        Maria shook her head and closed her eyes. There were tubes just helping the oxygen flow and not much else other than an IV and blood oxygen monitor clipped to her finger. He could hear the laborious breathing though. That was something she didn’t have before she had come in. Before she had said much at all, Lyrem sensed that she was tired.

        “You should keep it,” she said softly, nodding to the book. “I’ve read it a thousand times over. I don’t need it anymore.”

        “Are you trying to tell me you’ve finally achieved enlightenment?”

        “Stop being a goose,” she commanded. “You’d learn a lot from it. Just take it already.”

        Lyrem’s eyes clouded over. Swallowing, he sat down beside her on a simple black chair, and shook his head.

        “No, I don’t need it.”

        Maria sighed. Her eyes disappointed in his condescending and stubborn refusals, though she was not at all surprised by it.

        “Lyrem… we both know what he is going to say”-

        “No, we don’t. We haven’t heard anything from the surgeon yet”-

        “The chance that I recover even with chemo is extremely low”-

        “There are always alternative treatments if it becomes too hard for you”-

        “I know I don’t have much longer”-

        “For fuck sake’s, Maria! Are you really so desperate to get rid of me?!”

        A hush fell through the room. There wasn’t a sound, save the steps of nurses and doctors directing themselves through the halls and the odd traveling visitor. Lyrem’s head fell, his face red with shame…

        “You think that I want to get rid of you?”

        “No, I didn’t mean that.”

        “You think I’d rather die than be by your side, Lyrem?”

        “No, I”-

        “I would never,” her voice shook with an anger hardly seen. Her eyes burned with tears of betrayal and what Lyrem would have only seen as regret if he was ever brave enough to meet her gaze. “Ever tell you that. I would never choose to discard you like that”-

        “Maria, I”-

        “I stood by your side. I was always there for you and I waited for you for ages”-

         “I know, my love. I’m s”-

        “I loved you, Lyrem.”

        “I’m so sorry, Maria.”

        Loved.

        He waited, holding his breath, but Maria was finished speaking. In fact, she didn’t even notice how she had placed that single letter at the end of the word that meant so much. He had noticed it immediately. He rubbed the palm of his hand down his face and stood up.

        “Where is that goddamn surgeon?!”

        Lyrem stepped out of the room, only to find himself face to face with a doctor- or who he assumed to be one. She was tall, dark skinned and donned a long white coat. Her hands clasped in front of her, as if she had expected him to appear there.

        “Lyrem Nomadus?”

        Startled by the sudden contact, he straightened against the door jam and nodded in confirmation. His striped button up shirt billowed out slightly and was left partially untucked; the last evidence that a man of his position had given up. Stepping out of the way, he allowed the woman into the room.

        Maria had already drifted into an exhausted sleep in the time that he had left for the door and returned to his chair. She deserved the rest. Reaching out, he held Maria’s hand. Her skin was rough and dry from the cold, unfeeling hospital where she had been staying for some time. There was a small bottle of lotion near the headboard. He took some in his hands and began to massage hers tenderly as she slept; almost placing him into a calming, meditative trance. It smelled of lilacs.

        “Stage four,” the woman said simply.

        “Yes, we know,” Lyrem said robotically. “You’re not the doctor we spoke with before she went under. Where is he?”

        “He was on his way, but became distracted with more …important patients.”

        With a fire in his eyes, Lyrem snapped.

        “My wife is the most important patient in this fucking building!”

        “You’re quite a mouthy one, aren’t you?”

        He huffed, and returned to attending Maria, concerned that his voice had woken her, he became still. The woman in the white coat closed the door gently and with a keen eye she studied Lyrem as he cradled his wife’s hand and placed a gentle kiss at the tips of her fingers.

        “May I ask you a personal question, Lyrem?”

        “What do you want to know?” He said tiredly.

        “What is your definition of true love?”

        He looked up, furrowing his brows.

        “Excuse me?”

        “What is it? True love, to you?”

        Lyrem shifted in his seat, and thought for a couple moments. The inkling that this person was more than a doctor, or a surgeon for that matter, was quite clear.

        “It’s something that is meant to be. It’s destiny, and it’s perfect.”

        The woman hummed. “That is very cute. I hope you don’t mind me saying.”

        “And may I ask the same question of you?” Lyrem posed indignantly. He lowered Maria’s hand to her side again. His eyes became more steeled. Serious.

        The woman grinned and approached and danced her fingers along the bedspread. Her eyes continued to linger on him as she explained herself.

        “True love…” she began. “To me… Exists and does not exist…

                 At the same time.

        Everyone loves in a thousand different ways every single day.

                 And yet we do not count a thought, a touch, a kiss, as acts of true love?

        What is any type of love, if not true?

                 If love is not true… Is it truly love?”

        “Forget I asked,” Lyrem grumbled a sigh.

        She giggled, like someone was tickling a feather against the back of her neck.

        “What is so funny to you?”

        “Oh, well,” she started. “I can feel your friend…the fiend. He’s trying to visit us now.” She lowered her voice to a playful whisper. “He can’t. I won’t let him interrupt.”

        Lyrem nodded and stood up from his chair. Pulling out a pale yellow, cloudy stone from his pocket, he held it up. She regarded it with a nod.

        “You’ve made yourself a moonstone. That is quite the feat.” she acknowledged. “All to summon little old me?”

        Lyrem’s grip tightened on the stone. So, she was Hekate. She finally showed up. Only took her four bloody weeks. Maria had done a lot of suffering in that time.

        “Yes.” He confirmed. Suspicious, more than hopeful, Lyrem placed it back into his pocket.  “And I would like to make a deal with you”-

                                                 . . . . . . . .

        “No!” The voice shouted through the darkness, the deeper one. “Where is it?!”

        “Oh, for goodness sake’s Hades!” Persephone hollered. “Maybe it has nothing to do with Maria? Maybe his call was somewhere else. We’ll find it eventually; we just have to keep searching.”

        “Hades!” Lyrem shouted. Once again, he was awoken into darkness from a deep memory. “Persephone! You both stop this charade right, bloody now!”

        “Oh great, now he knows we’re here.”

        Lyrem scoffed, his hands reaching his hips, he screamed right back once again. How dare they sift through his memories like old photos in a box, pulling him in and out of all the moments he wanted nothing more than to forget.

        “You utter fools! I knew I would arrive here! I knew you’d both be waiting! And I absolutely despise this attempt at torture! It’s boring! It’s… It’s… aggravating. Just let me die, already!”

        “I’m very sorry poor thing,” Persephone piped up, “But it’s really not meant to be torture for your little soul. We’re simply… looking for something”-

        “I don’t care what you’re looking for. Get out of my min”-

                                                   . . . . . . . .

        He was in a room.

        The backroom.

        Maria sat at the table with her small, thin, and wrinkled hands folded neatly. She only ever saw the back room once in her life and this was it. She had hardly looked around. Mystics was her pride and joy, but she wouldn’t be able to have it. Not anymore.

        A bejeweled and bloody knife sat beside her hands.

        “There’s enough money in your account for you to live happily. You’ll never have to worry about a thing,” Lyrem said as he sat across from her at the table.

        “I never wanted to break your heart.” She spoke softly.

        He should have noticed it earlier; the small changes in her voice when she spoke to him, the softness in her eyes that had grown calloused; the unfeeling nature of her hand in his. It wasn’t the sickness that had brought it on. This had been the nature of their love for a long, lonely time.

        “My heart’s fine,” he said coldly.

        Perspectives had changed since she had survived her battle with cancer. Maria loved him well for many years, but her life with him was over now. Lyrem saw that now too- he was just too afraid to admit it.

        After Hekate’s deal, and Maria had been miraculously healed in a way that doctors would study for years to come. She had reconnected with an old friend through the ordeal when Lyrem was away, searching for ways to keep her alive. The friend was one who had divorced his wife and was now living in Cuba, retired and carefree. Phillip had a lovely beach house, with a dock, and a yacht, and one of those jacuzzi tubs that Maria could never get enough of when she found herself in a nice hotel.

        “Give me your hand,” he requested, holding his own out for her to take one last time.

        The hand she offered had been scarred many times over and rarely had her wound ever been re-opened on purpose. Occasionally, Maria would see something she was not supposed to or know something that could have dire consequences for Lyrem if it ever was released into the world. It was safer if her memories were simply removed.

        This time, he wanted to erase himself.

        Everything they had ever done, he wanted it gone. He ushered her out the back door as her escort. Their final words had been shared. A cab would pick her up outside of Mystics in a few minutes to take her to the airport with a pair of packed yellow suitcases.

        “Memorias vim ex”-

        “Wait,” she stopped him, and stared up at his aged features. She wondered if she would still see him as handsome as he was now when her memories of him were gone. “I still… I care about you, Lyrem. Please, take care of yourself. Promise me.”

        Any softness left in his eyes immediately hardened. He told himself he didn’t care what she had left to say. She had wasted enough of her life with him already. There wasn’t a moment to lose.

        “Memorias vim extermina.”

        The cut on her hand healed itself thoroughly, fusing the skin together to leave not much more than a thin red welt on her palm. She turned back toward the street. The only thing on her mind now, was where to wait for her cab.

        He stepped into the back room, as silently as possible, just in time for Hades to bring him back into his present situation with a well fueled rage.

        “If you hedonistic cretins don’t stop what you’re doing, right now, I”-

        “You poor mortal man,” the deep voice claimed. “You still bear my mark, don’t you?”

        There was a dim blue glow. Finally, something for Lyrem to address properly.

        “Yes,” he spoke through gritted teeth, nearly pulling his hair out at the madness that was threatening to overtake him. Instead, his hand hovered over a spot on the upper left of his chest, mindful of the brand that Hades had blessed him with many years ago. “Quite frankly, it’s been a thorn in my side for decades.”

        “A simple reminder of what you owe me.” Hades corrected him, stepping out of the light. His towering figure loomed over Lyrem. Hades snapped his fingers, bringing more light into the cavernous realm. Deep bluish hues overtook them both, painting Hades’ stark white beard with a cobalt glow.

        “Your essence, your memories, everything you are,” Hades spoke; his voice echoed through the deep, dark gloom, “belongs to me.”

[boogiewrites]

Choking On Sapphire 83

Characters: Alfie Solomons x Genevieve (OFC)

Title & Song: Baby Says

Summary: Alfie and Genevieve face the troubles of her day to day life. Genevieve gets some surprise visitors that help give Alfie some insight into her past and their future.

Warnings/Tags: Mild Language. References to assault and violence. PTSD. Fluff. Reunions. 

Click on my icon then go to my Mobile Masterlist in my bio for my other works and chapters. (Had to do this since Tumblr killed links, sorry.) Please like, comment and reblog if you enjoyed it! It helps out us writers A LOT!

Arm in arm Alfie and Genevieve walk on a Saturday morning in her garden, in full bloom and lush this time of the year. Gen was freshly out of the bath, her hair starting to curl and bounce in the early summer wind. Her face was unbothered, her limp almost entirely gone and the more superficial of the bruises had disappeared. Her ribs only caused her pain when exerting herself at this juncture and when Alfie was around he made sure she did not. He’d fallen into the habit of treating her much like a child, but in his defense, she was acting much like one. Still prone to bouts of crying, sometimes with clear triggers and others not. The ones without were the hardest, she would sob and scrawl down that she didn’t know why she was so upset and Alfie was left to put on his all too frequently worn mask of indifference and guide her through it.

But this particular light and lovely morning was about to take a turn for the emotional for Genevieve. But in a much-welcomed way.

“Mr. Solomons, sir!” a maid that held his favor calls from the edge of the house. “Miss Durand has visitors!” she shouts with a bright smile.

“Don’t know why she’s bloody smilin’. Told her no one was to see you.” he grumbles, bringing Genevieve around slowly as her glazed eyes looked up at him, silhouetted by sunrays. The red in his hair and beard was standing out in the sun, his freckles coming in across his nose and the tight trim on his beard and hair showing off all the handsome planes of his face. She smiles up at him and hums, still medicated and not speaking except for the occasional vocalizations of happiness or upset. “Take her to her room.” he orders gently, a hand rubbing over Gen’s fluffy mane before another maid chirps and takes her arm. “I’ll be with you in a bit, love.” he calls out and she gives him a slow nod before turning back to the maid who says something to make her smile. At least she was doing that again. “Who the fuck is here? I told ya no visitors.” he mutters with a low brow at the young woman.

“I knew you’d want her to see these visitors.” she keeps the same broad grin on her face, practically beaming at him.

“Why are you so fuckin’ happy? Has the savior returned?” he snorts and chuckles.

“They’re waiting for you in your study.”

“Least they got fuckin’ manners. Tells me it’s not the bloody Shelby’s” he grumbles to himself. His footsteps are heavy and none too happy to be making the trip down the hallway. He hated surprises. Someone coming and demanding they see him without prior invitation or forewarning, who did they think they were?

“Fuck me.” he says with a mouth wide open, revealing Altar and Alma standing and chatting in front of his desk. “Forgive the language Miss Lafitte, I am... ya bloody well surprised the old boy.” he laughs with a shake of his head.

“No offense taken. I rather miss the sort of fellow that would curse in front of a lady.” she smiles and reaches out to take his hand and sighs heavily before patting his cheek and kissing it just as lightly and sweetly. She smelled like flowers just like her daughter.

“You’re looking mighty well for what you’ve gone through, lad!” Altar booms with a big hug and pat the back for him that he swears pops a few things.

“Well I’ve got to keep up appearances, innit I?” she shrugs. “What on earth brings you here? Or HOW I should ask in your case, Miss Lafitte.”

“It’s Alma. I’ll be your mother some day. Almost was a lot sooner if the devil hadn’t intervened I hear.”

“Yes, ma’am. She disappeared the night I was set to ask her.”

“Shame, that.” she shakes her head. “But you found her. You brought her home.” she coos and hugs his neck tightly.

“Yes ma’am I did. Just as I promised.”

“He’s a man of his word Alma. No need to worry about Solomons.” Altar gives an approving nod.

“Might I see her? Is she well enough to see me?” Alma's wide eys inquire.

“I wouldn’t keep you from her even if she weren’t.” he replies happily. “She’s going to cry, fair wairing to ya, love, she’s very emotional already, poor little bird. But she’s been doin’ well this mornin’. And she innit speakin’ yet, throat got damaged the doctors say,” he informs with polite and a quick catching up as he walks her to the door.

“I’d like to see her as well, of course.” Altar smiles.

“‘Course. Best one at a time. Let the lady first then you file in once she’s certain she’s real ‘n that.”

“Real?” Alma asks with a high inflection.

“The medicine she’s on can make her hear and see that what aren’t there. None of it this mornin’ so far, it comes and goes.” he waters down the truth and Altar can sense it but Alma is just so excited to see her daughter she overlooks it.

Genevieve sits perched in front of her vanity, a silver brush in her hand, slowly dragging through her hair. The glow of the Morphine causing her to overlook the last of the bruises on her arms, the high neck of the gown covering those left underneath. Her hair now to her waist she watches it bounce with its natural curl as she releases it.

Alma, the giver of that hair stands in the doorway as Alfie files in first, catching her attention with a loud and happy signal of her name. “Genevieve my love you have visitors.” He calls out and she sets the brush down slowly, turning towards him with a small smile that tugged at the corners of her mouth and half-lidded eyes of contentment in her druggy fog. “It’s someone you haven’t seen in a very long time.” He warns her and he sees her eyes shift, an inkling of curiosity piqued and he sighs with relief. “Are you listening, love?” He asks just to be sure and she nods slowly. “Genny love... your mum is here.” He states while maintaining eye contact to see it sink in.

Her eyes go wide and she reaches up to grasp his forearms which were holding her shoulders. “Muh?” She manages and he feels her shake.

“Yes, love can ya-?” He begins to make sure she can handle such excitement. But she catches sight of her and much to his surprise stands and shoves him out of the way to get to her. The entire showing was rather impressive.

She can’t speak but she cries, oh does she cry. Until her eyes are as red as the sun and dry as the desert, she cries. She makes an awful sound trying to form words as she rushes towards her mother and collapses into her arms, sobbing and wailing.

“There my beautiful girl, let me look at you! It’s been too long little Lily, yes?” She holds her now red and splotchy face as Genieve blubbers, but Alma pays no mind and kisses every bit of her face, telling her how she was more beautiful now that she was grown than she ever had been before. The I love you's begin, Genevieve a weeping child in the embrace of her mother as she directs her to the couch in front of the fire. She shooshes her and cries herself, whispering only sweetness and praise, kissing her daughters dizzy head as she cries softly in her bosom like a baby.

Altar sneaks in after the initial explosion. Moving over to Alfie who stayed back on the other side of the room at her vanity watching the display. He didn’t think the reunion would’ve gone down much differently if she’d been herself.

“I wanted to thank you, Alfie. For handling all this.” Altar gives him a nod and a pat to the back.

“It’s all part of the life innit?” He responds, keeping an eye on her to make sure she was still okay.

“I hear you’re back at work already?”

“Yeah I had to, ya understand. I was going crazy here, worrying about her constantly. Had to keep fings togetha for both of us now. So I just work until the afternoon hours and come home before tea. Off on Shabbat and that.” He explains with the same low tone Altar speaks.

“So she is well enough to leave?” The concern in his voice evident.

“With the girls here yes. If she were on her own, no. I’ll be honest with ya Altar this is going far better than I thought it would.”

“So she's been worse? And I would appreciate honesty. I need to know what future we’re looking at here.”

“She’s been much worse." a flat delivery that tells altar all he needs to know. "Glad you caught her on an up day. She’s been very emotional, all over the place. Nightmares of course, can’t bring up what happened or she cries. She talks to herself, or rather mouths and chases after children what aren’t there. I’ve been told that most likely the medicine though. Morphine. Nasty stuff, yeah? Still too soon to know the long term effects on her mind. Needs the medicine for the pain, but it keeps us from knowin’ the state of her. It’s frustratin' I’ll admit.”

“And I thank you for not running. To speak candidly. Our lives are hard enough without adding...things like this to them.”

“I innit runnin'.” Alfie swings his head. “As long as I have hope she can be herself again some day I’m stayin’. And she is makin' progress. Small but... it’s there.” He groans.

“And I was told you were known for your lies.” Altar grins.

“Nah mate. I tell the truth. Just people don’t know how to listen to me words yeah? I’ll tell 'em what’s goin' down right? But it’s up to them to interpret it. I never make no promises in business. Only contracts and agreements. None of that whimsical horse shite.”  He mutters,

Altar chuckles. “I do hope she is herself again. And that it finds you in  good time. These things... the mind... all very tricky.”

“That it is.”

“Her brother reacted similarly after the war.”

“George is it? She told me 'bout him.”

“They were close growing up. She helped him, believed in him. Patience was key.”

“It is in most fings.”

“Yes. It is.” He laments, knowing the road was still unclear on the horizon for his niece. “Thank you for your candor Alfie. I only have second-hand information and hearing to from you is more than reassuring for an old man I’ll have you know.”

“So you know what happened?”

“I know she was taken from her home and held captive for almost 4 days by Horne. That he was killed in a shoot out and now she’s at home.”

“I can tell ya more.” He offers with a frown.

“Do I want to know?” Altars broad mouth forms a tight line.

“Would you rather know the truth or hear people talk like I have? Because I’ve been well miffed 'bout what I’ve been hearin’.” He replies with clear anger on his voice.

“Then yes, please tell me.”

—-

“Your house is so lovely Genevieve. Just like the drawings you used to keep as a girl, yes?” Her mother coos, Gen now only having the hiccups that sent pain in her chest every time as she recovered from the tears. “...and your hair has gotten so long.” She strokes it back. “And the man you have chosen is a proud Jewish one. One that sought me out after you were taken. He speaks of you with such passion, cheri. I am so proud of your choice. And you were working towards your bat mitzvah I heard as well? You are becoming everything I could’ve dreamed for you, my darling girl. Your mum is so proud. You’ve come so far haven’t you?” She continues her string of praise, Gen now nuzzling into her mother lap and feeling rather sleepy. Alma strokes the hair back from her daughters face just as she had as a child, the other hand gentle on her back where she rubs small circles just like she used to, to calm her. She could sense her spirit was a bit lost and desperately needed the comfort.

When she was young and took to her fits of crying she would throw herself around dramatically, making grand sweeping statements of woe and agony. There were no words this time, but she felt the same raw wildness when she looked into her wounded daughter's eyes. She had never been a stranger to the dramatic, but Alma hadn’t minded. It reminded her of her mother, of that power in getting swept away by her emotions. She felt so deeply and completely she could live no other way, and those around her would either be drowned in love or burned by hate depending on her mood, It seems Genevieve was just as sensitive a soul as her bubbie had been. For the line of work her daughter had chosen to go in, the true line of work and not Abeille, she wondered how she managed. Perhaps much like Alma, she locked parts of herself away to cope. That’s what she’d done being with George. But at least her daughter had a man with a sound mind of her choosing, a rare and heartwarming thing for a mother to know.

“I haven’t seen her so quiet and still in weeks.” Alfie states, walking over to Alma who was looking down at her contently.

“Sometimes a girl needs her mother,” she answers softly, leaning to look upon her face. “I see she has finally fallen asleep.” she lets out a huff of a laugh. “Just like when she was a child.” she sighs happily. “Circles on her back, gently stroke her face and hair, tell her all the praise she deserves. She’ll always come back to you.” she looks up at Alfie with pinked eyes from the shared tears.

“Good to know.” he thanks with a nod. “Would you like anythin'? We can move her to the bed if you need.”

“No, no. I’m staying close the whole time I’m here. Some tea by the fire sounds lovely though.” she announces reaching out and patting his hand that rests on the couch arm. “Bring us all some, would you? We need to discuss some things.” she speaks with a still kind face but a more purposeful tone.

“‘Course Miss.” he nods and gives Altar one as well as he heads over to the couch and Alfie goes to fetch tea.

-----

With the Aggie reunion with Alma already passed before Alfie even saw her into Gens room, the older woman kisses her head as she hands her her tea she still takes the same way after all these years. Alfie settles in with Gen’s mother and uncle in the set of chairs in front of the fire. Gen was laid out with her legs in Altars lap, her head in her mothers as Alfie takes the armchair to the matching pink hued set.

“I suppose the best place to start would be why we arrived together.”

“I was more than curious, yeah?” He responds with a smirk.

“I’ve moved out of George’s house.” She speaks with the same decisiveness that he misses from the childlike woman in her arms.

The surprise on Alfies face is clear.

“Yes, I made the same expression when she showed up at my door.” Altar snorts.

“After you came by, I had to reevaluate some things. Perhaps I’d been in denial about how one-day things would work out. But time kept passing, my children kept growing and changing and I was not around to see it as I would like. I had to do something. Seeing the poor condition of George in the face of real danger, his own most trusted servant betraying him and the watching and infiltrating of our estate, I saw the end was closer than I anticipated.” She delivers plainly and without drama, her hands still loving on her daughter. “I’m at the point now where I knew what I could lose or what could happen to me was lesser than what I’d suffer if I went on without my most wild daughter. Knowing she was fighting to become everything I always wanted for her… I would be damned if I’d miss her wedding, the birth of a child, being able to be at her side during something like this.” She sighs deeply. “My little wildflower.” She strokes her face lovingly and Altar gives a soft smile, reaching out and patting his sister's arm. “She was always so rebellious. I see that was not passing phase for her now. It is who she is and I could not be more proud of her for sticking to her true self.”

“It’s something you never got a chance to do, little one.” Altar says with an affectionate and soft tone he reserved for speaking to the women in his life. “There is so much more Lafitte in her than any of your other children. She’s so much of you sister, she had no choice but to follow her heart did she?” He smirks and gives her cheek and soft pinch and she smiles in return. “This one was just as wild in her youth. Don’t let that Christian repression they beat into her fool you.” Altar chuckles after wagging a finger Alfie's way.

“I cannot and will not make an argument I cannot win.” She grins to herself, another forlorn sigh as she dotes on the sleeping woman in her arms.

“Wish Genevieve had taken after you on ‘at.” Alfie jokes and it makes Altar laugh out loud.

“She is more rebellious for the sake of drama. She is a theatre in and of herself that Lily. I knew it the moment I first held her.” Altar reminisces.

“She always had a taste for it.” Alma murmurs with fond memories playing behind her soft eyes.

“Hasn’t changed a bit.” Alfie reaches over and gives Gens chin a squeeze. “Will you be living with Altar now? If you mind my asking.”

“Not at all, cheri, yes I will. He has plenty of room, and dare I say he could use the feminine influence.”

“They say a man is not complete without one.” He teases. “And what of you Solomons?” He turns a strong face his way. “Do you still have the same intentions with our Genevieve? Even now?”

“Same as ever.” Alfie announces with confidence. “Only in ritual is she not mine, she is in ‘ere ‘n ‘ere.” He points to his temple and chest. “I almost went bloody' mad when she first got home. Watchin' over her. I was bloody scared is what I was. I don’t wanna lose that one.”  He points and sighs. “I love that hellion. That little Lily of yours. And once she’s better. Once this awful process is behind us I will make her my wife. Same intention as ever. I’m here for her now and always. As I said, only in formality is she not mine. In my eyes.”

“That is a relief to hear.” Alma admits. “I admittedly was concerned when I heard about the state of her. Most men would leave.”

“I am no coward to a challenge. And ‘ats what ‘is is. I like to think she would do the same for me. Fuckin' ‘ell she has to a degree if you must know. Gettin’ shot, negotiations behind me back to keep me alive. She’s a proper little nurse, that one.” He looks at her with fondness, perhaps needing to be reminded of all she had done for him after such a rough spell as they were in.

“She never did shy from the blood and violence as a child. Never phased her. Just fetching boiling water and flannels when the boys would come in hurt.” Alma shares with a gentle expression.

“Always been fearless, that one. Suspect that’s how she came to be here. Like this. But it’s also what kept her alive. I have no doubt.” Altar gives her small ankles a pat.

“A lesser man would’ve caved and perished.” Alfie agrees with a hard expression.

“Little fighter.” Alma whispers, leaning down to give her a kiss to her fluffy head of curls. “Perhaps everything will turn for the better. One can only hope and pray. She’s never given up before, let’s hope that holds up this time around.” she looks to Alfie with sad eyes. “But I did want to thank you, for getting her back. For taking such severe and swift action against the person who did this.”

“As I told her, I would burn down the whole fuckin’ country for her. No one messes wif a Solomons. And she is. If ‘ats how they want to treat her then she is to me.”

“I approve of your retaliation.” Altar lets him know. “Not only from an uncle’s standpoint. But from a man who has had to make many of the same decisions. If they come for your heart, you go for their head. Take them out and leave him no choice. Can’t show weakness in this sort of life.”

“My sentiments exactly.” Alfie nods solemnly. “I went for his livelihood. All the businesses and properties in his name. Gone. But this one here...she’s the one what killed him.”

Altar beams proudly. “My little Lily.”

“As much as I hate the idea of her having to do that, I can only approve. Revenge is something so few women get on their abusers.”

“Time will come for us all, dear.” Altar gives her a supportive rub on her back. “Even little George will have his day. He’s busy digging his own grave so we don’t even have to do anything at this point.” he rolls his eyes.

“He’s been in decline for some time. Which is what I assumed brought him to act so swiftly towards our Geneieve. He needed an outlet for his anger at his own shortcomings. His selfishness is coming back to bite him. He doesn’t have the power or the money like he used to. Too many poor decisions. No one wants to work with him because all this is rumored among his peers. He’s a weak little man, now both physically and mentally. Used to he was a stout thing, but in his old age his black heart has made him decline so quickly.”

“Good.” Altar gruffs out. “Bastard deserves worse.”

Alma shrugs. “It is true. But time will come for him. And I leave it to the higher powers to decide now. I am taking my life into my own hands, on my own terms now. My darling here gave me that push to do so. I can’t imagine having to do it at such a young age with no experience.”

“Luckily she came to me.” Altar adds.

“So true.” Alma agrees. “And now I am as well.” her face is still a frown, but a hopeful glint in her eyes. “We won’t be staying long, I’m afraid. I don’t want word to get out that we’re staying here and have George do something moronic about it. But we will be only a phone call away. I know it was a chance coming here, people seeing or hearing, but…”

“She will be better for it. Thank you.” Alfie says reaching out and placing his hand over hers. “As you said. A girl needs her mum sometimes. And now she needs all the help she can get. I’ll be sure she knows you’re well, and with Altar when she’s a bit more herself. She’ll be happy to hear it. Expect letters.” he ends on a light-hearted note and giving her a charismatic smile.

“I expect many.” she beams in response, a gulp and giving his hand a squeeze. “I’m leaving you with my most precious belonging, Solomons.”

“And she is mine as well. Have no doubt. I will always do what I think is best for her, for us. Not only out of respect for you and our laws but as a man who loves her. Who understands her and wants her to thrive. I would never act against her interests. Be sound knowing I will do everythin' in my power to keep your little girl safe and healthy. Her wellbeing in mine now.”

“And you will let me know the moment the wedding planning begins. I must be involved.” she adds on a lighter note.

“Of course.” he smiles softly. “We would have it no other way.”

“I knew there would be little traditional about my daughter's life once she left, but if I still can’t help but have the same wants of tradition when it comes to her wedding. She already skipped the planner and chose her own groom.” she chuckles. “So amuse an old woman and let her be a good Jewish mother for the first time.” she grins.

“What old woman?” Alfie says with a smirk.

Altar laughs loud enough for Gen to stir before he reaches down to rub her back to soothe her. “Told you he was cheeky. Same as Lily. No wonder you found each other. A couple of charismatic to a fault little buggers.” he chuckles.

“Altar!” she scolds and shoots him a look.

“No, no. As usual he is right. Both stubborn as hell but we’ve got our humor.” Alfie confides.

“She gets both from you.” Alma side eyes Altar.

“Oh but if you were only honest with yourself sister.” he laughs. “Us birds of a feather. We will always find ourselves in others and flock together won’t we?”

“Even when we aren’t looking for one another. As in our case.” Alfie’s adds a touch of sentimentality.

“Like bubbie said, when you aren’t looking for it.” Alma begins as she knows Altar will continue.

“That’s when you find it.” Altar finishes with a charismatic grin.

Alfie recalls Gen saying something much of the same sentiment. One night on her wine, lips on his jaw and fingers in his beard. She was never looking for him, for love. But against all odds it found her. Disguised for so long as something else, trying to run from her and hide, she carried on. She said she would change nothing that brought her to him, that kept them together. He wonders if she would say the same after this was over. Would she still not regret finding him, falling in love with a man like him and letting more danger into her life? He wasn’t a praying man, but he did hope that she wouldn’t regret the path they were on together now. ‘As long as it leads me to you.’ she would say. He truly hoped that would still be the case.

-------

After tearful and grateful goodbyes, Gen remaining lucid and not embarrassing herself or Alfie while her family was there he was breathing easy for a lovely moment in time.

Gen felt a rush of energy within herself, unsure of how to elaborate on it or process it she finds herself restless. The excitement sending too many signals off in her brain for her to calm down hours after they’ve gone. With Alfie asleep in their bed, a soft mess of dark gingery hair and a still hard looking face even at rest she slowly creeps out and into the bathroom.

She looks at herself in the mirror, facing herself truly for what was the first time since the incident. She didn’t remember each mark or bruise, and she truly didn’t want to. She wanted to never remember. Recalling the feeling of Horne’s brain as her nails dug into it when she killed him was enough for her. If he deserved that he wasn’t worth remembering.

A soft snort comes from the bedroom, a welcome change of thought. She leans against the doorway, her temple to the gilded frame. The past weeks were a fog to her, but she did remember Alfie always being there. She sighs and hums with a contented feeling as she watches him. The noise surprises her after the fact. She hadn’t heard herself speak except for her own thoughts since she came to in the hospital. But she hadn’t really tried, only pushing out the first syllable to indicate the severity of her words. Another snore from Alfie’s full and chapped lips as he rubs his face into the pillow. The sun would be up soon and so would he, or as soon as he discovered she wasn’t there. She decides to thank him for his dedication during all this chaos. Full days she didn’t remember, spans of trauma she didn’t care to remember that were still locked away in her brain, only coming in dreams and unwanted, uncontrolled flashes at random times. The medicine had helped those it seemed. It kept her impassive, kept everything with a lovely fuzzy frame of numbness around it. It was how she preferred to exist. The pain was still too much, both the physical and the mental. The morphine was a calm sanctuary she could return to when she needed, when things started to feel sharp and edged, she could go back to the cozy comfort of numbness. The morphine was becoming her best weapon.

But in these wee morning hours, before Alfie had to get up to make the drive to London, she rubbed her throat and tried to clear it as she felt muscle control coming back with the first dose of morphine taunting her in the near future. Reminding her it’d been hours and they were due for another rendezvous. But with her control, she warms up her throat and tries to speak. By the hour Alfie should rise, she would give him something to show she was trying.

She tasted blood but she didn’t care. Her voice light and raspy, but there. An odd soreness to her tongue she’d never felt before, her neck ragged but functional. She sits on her throne of pillows in the big elaborate bed with her various accouterment of medicinal devices and tonics around her. She waits, the light from the sun filtering through slightly, soon to rouse the sleeping bear she gently stroked that lay next to her, sprawled on his stomach.

A deep, sleep-filled grunt escapes him and she smiles. Fingertips over his nose and temples, waking him more.

“Mmph.” he blubs out with flared nostrils. Alfie loved being up before everyone else, the feeling of getting a head start on every other lazy fucker who was still in bed. But the act of waking itself he was not a fan of. He hadn’t realized how integral Gen’s practice of waking him gently had helped ease him back into the plane of reality until he no longer had it. He’d awoken to a still woman next to him, sleeping through him getting ready most mornings. But he’d forgotten all that time in the dim light alone for a moment as he crawled from the shelter of sleep with the tickle of her fingertips on his skin. “Mmph?” he asks with a clear question.

Gen remains soft, covers pulled up over her to her stomach, nails now on his scalp.

“Mmph. Genny?” he asks while rubbing his eyes. “Ya should be asleep, love.” he mutters and tries to focus.

“Matin.” comes from her mouth and he almost misses it. Easier to speak for her than the English greeting, she whispers it to him, leaning closely.

With a stiff grunt, he raises his head up fast, a pop of his neck as he does so. “Wha-?” he mumbles, and rolls to her side, reaching out to take her hand into his, holding it in the warm spot where he’d slept. “Genny love what are you doin’?”

“Good...morning.” she forces out, a childish expression on her face, hoping for happiness and praise.

“Fuck me…” he whispers, sitting up and giving her a more focused expression. “Ya talkin’ again?” he questions with a deep throaty noise of approval, reaching over to cup her face.

“Good... morning... Alfie.” she says slowly.

“Oh, pet. Little French flower, my darlin’...” he coos at her, caught up in her wide eyes that met his and the subtle smile and closed eyes that nuzzled into his hand as he held her face. “Don’t ya be pushin’ yaself too much. Stubborn thing.” he grins and kisses her forehead. “Ya know I am weak for my name from your lips, love, don't be exploitin’ a man now.” he gives her a warm smile and kisses her cheek and she happily hums. A sound besides one of pain for the first time he recalled after touching her in such a way.

“Good morning... Alfie.” she says again, a rough delivery but her voice most certainly.

“It is, love. It is.” he says before giving her the most chaste and innocent of kisses that he feels her reciprocate. A brief moment in time where everything was light and hope-filled in his sleepy brain. Something he would think back on when her condition was questionable. This small moment that meant so much to them both. They both felt as one again. No matter how fleeting these moments could be.

Please like, comment and reblog if you enjoyed it! It helps out us writers A LOT!

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[bossssman]

Aizawa x Fem!Healer: Stay

Aizawa x Fem!Healer: Stay

[Bossman writes: There’s a curse word in here but that’s about it! Taken in Aizawa’s POV.

Also, S/O in this oneshot is a her. 💁🏼‍♀️]

Flashes of blues and reds play in his field of vision. Screams of his name fill his ears. The final rush of adrenaline comes to an end, as his face slams on the concrete floor, making his grip on consciousness loose.

Aizawa-sensei! He hears the distant screaming. The ground is getting wetter by the second from his own blood. Aizawa-sensei! He grimaces within. From the pain, and from the situation at hand. Shit, they’re still screaming for me. I have to save them.. my students!

His mind goes dark. As much as he wants, he can’t move any longer. His body is broken. His mind goes blank and dark, giving him no inkling of the battle with the intruders. ...Shouta! It was still dark.

He slowly regains is bearings, but finds that he can’t open his eyes. Terrified at the prospect of losing his quirk, he tries to lift his own body from the soft cushion - a bed, most likely. But he stops his attempt and winces in pain, noting the taut bandages embracing his skin. He can feel the metal railings beside his bed. He felt a light, oversized gown on him. He takes it that he’s already in the hospital, and questions fill his mind. What happened to the battle? What could have caused it? Are his students well? Are they hurt?

...Am I blind?

He lowers his body in painful strain when a door opens, heels clicking against the floor.

“Shouta..?” A mumble escapes his lips. That voice.. It has to be her. “Shouta! Nurse, he’s awake. Please tell the doctor that he’s awake!” Her voice was stern, but comforting to his ears. Aizawa couldn’t be any happier to hear her voice. “Y/N.. where am I? Where’s my class? What happened to them?”

He hears her come close. “Oh, Shouta.. they’re all well,” she says in a hush. Aizawa feels the relief in her voice. Like dry earth finally tasting rain.

He doesn’t know what he would do if anything happens to his class and the school. Knowing that his own class managed to fend off the villains, makes him believe that teaching his students is worth it.

Y/N continued. “All Might finally came and he fought off the monster. Your co-teachers and students brought you here.”

A pang in his chest suddenly grew, making him quiet and somber. Class 1-A was his responsibility. And it feels like he failed them. Noticing this, she whispers his name, prompting him to speak. “I was weak. I tried my best, but I couldn’t do anything more.”

She gently places her hand on his cheek. He can feel the softness through the bandages. “No, Shouta. You were brave. You fought most of the villains and kept your class safe. You were remarkable. A hero. All of you were…”

Her voice breaks as she tries to finish the sentence. When Aizawa begins to probe, she mutters in her tears.

“I.. was so worried about you. When you came in, I had to do something. I had to plead to help and heal you. I was the weak one. I was the one who did my best, but…!”

He protests as she sobs. Both her hands are cupping his cheeks, her face is lower, and he can feel the tears dropping onto his bandaged chest.

“But Shouta.. Your eyes..!” He draws a sharp breath, bracing for bad news. “Your quirk.. They checked it. Every time you use it, it would take longer for your quirk to recover, before you can use it again.”

Though not visible, a wave of relief overcomes him. He was certain that his injuries permanently disabled him, but, because of the healer, he is saved. “I can still use my quirk.”

“Yes but, if I was a better healer, I could have returned you back the way you were! I tried my best. I did! I’m so sorry… I failed you.”

And though he could not see, Aizawa knows that she had spent hours caring for him, never leaving his side. He imagines feeling the gentle hands working on his wounds, fixing every fracture. He is aware that his injuries were fatal, and Y/N made everything possible to keep him whole and alive. He imagines her sleepless nights staying by his side, ensuring his vital signs are kept at bay. He also imagines every prayer she uttered, just for him. And only him.

“Y/N.”

She hiccups her tears, as he feels her lifting her head from his chest. “Yes, Shouta..?”

“You.. were remarkable. I’m healed, because of you. You are here. That’s what I needed the most.” A weak arm makes its way to Y/N’s face, caressing her cheek, softly and reassuringly.

“You are what I need the most.”

Please reblog if you like <3 Also, follow my blog for more BNHA stuff!

[travllingbunny]

The 100 rewatch: 3x01/3x02 – Wanheda Part One and Two

My rewatch will have to be sped up so I could finish it before the season 6 premiere. I’ve seen up to 3x08, but from now on I have to watch more than one episode a day. I hope to be able to finish season 3 by the end of this week. Which means I’ll have to try to make my next posts shorter than this one, which I’m pretty sure is my longest rewatch review so far. Maybe I could try covering several episodes in one post to try not to repeat myself in the following reviews?

Season 3 is definitely my least favorite season of The 100, and so far, having rewatched half a season, I haven’t changed my mind on its quality. But, except for one instance of really lazy writing (which will, sadly, turn out to be something the writers like to do, since they did the same but in an even worse way in season 5), this two-parter was a solid opening to the season, which, unfortunately, started going downhill right after it.

Also, I only realized this on rewatch…. Clarke is Rapunzel?! Or anti-Rapunzel.

*These rewatch posts have spoilers for everything up to the end of season 5, and I may also mention stuff from the season 6 trailer. No spoilers for 6x01, and please don’t mention any if you reply or reblog with comments, I’m trying to avoid them (good luck to me on that).

3x01 Wanheda, Part One

Timeline: This is one of few episode reviews where it makes sense to start with this, because it’s the show’s first time-jump – it starts almost 3 months after the season 2 finale, or specifically 86 days,. In most other shows, this wouldn’t be considered a time jump, but most of The 100 episodes take place just a day or a few hours later (which was the case with the time that passed between the season 1 finale and the season 2 premiere), sometimes just a few minutes later (season 3 finale/season 4 premiere). It’s even notable and relatively rare when there is a week, or just two days between episodes. Although this is obviously nothing compared to the time jump in the season 4 finale (and, to an extent, season 5 finale – which was technically much bigger,, but only really counted for three characters), this time jump is still twice as long as the entirety of seasons 1 and 2, which lasted less than a month and a half.

The starting sequence is great, with Murphy with long shaggy hair and a beard, in a state of desperation after being locked up in the bunker for 86 days, to the point that he almost decides to shoot himself in the head. Similar to how Clarke almost shot herself in the head in the flashbacks in 5x01. Even the greatest of survivors come to the point when it’s just too much for a human being to bear. Clarke reached that point after a month of being not just all alone on a desert, radiation soaked planet, but likely to be all alone for at least 5 years, and even more likely to die of hunger, thirst or exposure. Murphy took 3 months, but was in situation where he didn’t lack food or drink or comfort – but isolation, without any human contact or entertainment, other than videos of a guy committing suicide because he felt responsible of the end of the world, has to be unbearable.

Introduction of Becca In one of the videos is good as we get more crucial info practically at the beginning of the season (and at the same time, not so good, because I can’t stand Becca and I’m really not fond of the entire storyline about the chip/Flame/Commanders).

Scenes in the mansion with Jaha and ALIE are really creepy, as we see just how much Jaha has become removed from reality and immersed in the City of Light. When Jaha explains the concept of COL, the prospect of getting rid of pain, hate and envy,  Murphy has maybe his best ever line, and pretty much his defining quote: “Pain, hate, envy… those are the ABCs of me. Take that and there’s nothing left.”

Getting thrown right into Camp Jaha, now called Arkadia, after 3 months, to see how much everyone’s lives have changed, works well for the most part (with one exception – see below). Jasper’s new look and attitude are shocking, but make sense. I don’t know if this is an unpopular opinion, but I think Jasper’s storyline was one of the best things in season 3 and even season 4, and I think it’s great that the show, for once, didn’t shy away from showing the consequences of emotional trauma (these people are teenagers who have been through terrible things in an extremely short time, it’s hard to believe everyone would soldier on and no one would break), and that they didn’t try to make a depressed person be more “likable” by being nice, even if it resulted in so many fans calling Jasper “annoying” and now showing any understanding for his mental health issues just because he wasn’t depressed in a nicer, more palatable way.

Raven’s story in seasons 3-4, which is also pretty good, also gets set up with a conversation with Abby about her pain, where Raven refuses an operation and they end up saying bad things to each other, as those two sometimes do. Raven calls out Abby on trying to hide from her own pain, too (over losing Clarke), which is a major theme this season. She also tells her she’s bad as both doctor and Chancellor, and much as I used to love Abby in S1 (and still like her) I’m afraid that this is least half-true since she’s sucked at politics most of season  2and 3. As a doctor, she’s good at healing people, but her bedside manner leaves a lot to be desired.

The show gets rid of the Raven/Wick romance plot (which had to be jettisoned due to Steve Talley being a terrible person IRL and tweeting racist “jokes”) in the best way it could, by referring to it in one line (according to Abby, Raven pushed Wick away) and never having him appear again.

They used “Add It Up” by Violent Femmes! And even Shawn Mendes’ cover worked well – his was a sad and plaintive ballad, as a contrast to the original, which is an energetic rock song. (I had no idea who Mendes was when I first watched this, but his cameo didn’t feel weird or out of place).

A huge plus because Emori makes a return. Also, Otan is introduced, who actually is her brother (it’s not just a classic thief/swindler thing where partners in crime are like “I’m an innocent damsel in distress and this dude is totally my brother…” thing).

There are several character introductions of characters that are varying degrees of interesting or not so interesting. Roan’s is especially intriguing right from the start, and there’s also Niylah, Becca and Gideon, and Gina. Speaking of…

My biggest problem with this episode is how weird and jarring it always felt that we just get introduced to Bellamy’s new girlfriend, a random character we’ve never met before and who doesn’t get developed at all. We know she’s nice and really into him, and he likes her fine enough, but there’s very little about their relationship that goes beyond very basic relationship-establishing stuff. This was all the more jarring because Bellamy had never previously been shown to have an actual girlfriend (rather than friends with benefits/fu*k buddies, which he had quite a few in season 1), and by what we know of his backstory and what we was like in season 1, I had always assumed he had never had a serious relationship or even a serious friendship, because he could never allow himself to trust people on the Ark, and he was too focused on protecting Octavia and keeping that huge secret. So for him to be a real relationship was a new development that I would have loved to actually see. And in general, how weird is it that the show seems to treat the love life of a major character – second protagonist as an afterthought, to the point that his relationships get developed completely off-screen and just get a few perfunctory scenes to establish “there was a time jump, it happened, this is a thing now, that’s all you need to know” (which was all the more jarring when Gina then got fridged just 3 episodes into the season). Hey, and just how weird would it be if the show did this TWICE? I have an idea why this happens – because neither of his relationships with Gina nor with Echo was ever treated by the show, as genuinely important or something we need to be invested in, but If I ever believed that Clarke and Bellamy were really totally platonic BFFs (because one major platonic relationship is not enough for Bellamy, who is one of the very few characters on the show who actually has a sibling, and his relationship with Octavia is also a major one the show focuses a lot..) and that the show wasn’t doing something else, I’d be really puzzled by such weird narrative choices.

·Raven teases Bellamy that Gina is “too good” for him. That may be because she is aware that he was “never as devoted to Gina” (compared to Clarke), as she taunts him as ALIE!Raven in 3x11.

Gina gives Bellamy Iliad as a gift, because his mother used to read it to him… an epic whose main theme is a warrior hero’s rage and all the mess it causes?

The Ice Nation aka Azgeda, after being referenced before, finally gets introduced (though Echo will get retconed revealed to be one of them), and I have very mixed feelings about this, because the oversimplified way the show tried to suddenly establish “Trikru=good Grounders, Azgeda=bad Grounders” in season 3 was kind of grating.

·Everyone is still bad at dealing with people with PTSD and mental health issues in general – as seen in the fact that they made the mistake to bring Jasper with them on a mission. This time, Bellamy had an inkling it was not a good idea, but Monty thought it would do Jasper good… and again, it didn’t end well.

Indra has changed her views a lot and is now the liaison between Trikru and the Arkers and o very friendly terms with Kane.

The relationship between Trikru and Arkadia is at this point kind of a mixed bag – they have a truce and cooperate, but there’s a problem of limited trade routes and ability for Arkers to get food, the Grounders are not happy with the prospect of them using Mount Weather, and Lexa has issued a kill order on Lincoln (which is why he has had to stay in Arkadia even if he didn’t want to – though it seems he does want to) just because he went back to help Arkers against Mount Weather (any disobedience of Commander’s orders, no matter how justified, is apparently punishable by death).

Something that’s annoying, but expected and in character: Octavia complaining about Lincoln wearing an Arkadia uniform and trying to integrate into the Arkadia society. It’s like she was so happy to be rebellious and have a cool Grouder boyfriend, and now she’s disappointed.  She tells him he will never be one of them (oh, the irony of this coming from Octavia, who says “I’m a Grounder” every second episode – which I don’t get, does she think being a Grounder is a lifestyle you can choose?) and even lectures him about the culture he grew up in: “At least you still speak our language” (meaning Grounder speech). LMAO

Octavia suggests they go off on their own and find Luna and her people – one of the many, many references to Luna going all the way back to season 1. No character has been set up so much long before they appeared.

It takes quite a long time for Clarke to actually appear in the episode, right after the revelation that she’s the titular Wanheda everyone is looking for.

About the nickname itself: Clarke herself hates it, of course (though she will kind of ‘reclaim’ it in 5x12) – because she feels deeply guilty and hates herself, but I’m sure that, for Grounders, “Commander of Death” an expression of awe and fear, not any kind of judgment, which wouldn’t make sense – we’ve seen multiple times that Grounders take the “kill them all If we can’t kill their leader” approach to their enemies, so I can’t see them being bothered by her killing all the Mountain Men. It’s the fact that she was able to destroy their old, powerful enemy that gives her a mythical aura. If you can kill the Mountain Men, you must be able to command death itself. They would also assign it all to Clarke, because, for starters, they weren’t there to know about Bellamy’s or Monty’s role, and secondly, Grounders tend to give all credit or blame to the leader, and they perceived Clarke as the sole leader of Skaikru during season 2.

This mythical status, however, merely makes Clarke a symbol and prize, due to the belief that killing someone means taking their power. (Which should also mean that she took the enormous power of Mount Weather in the eyes of the Grounders?) Does Queen Nia actually believe that she would literally take Clarke’s power if she killed her? I don’t know, but she probably just knows that people would perceive her as more powerful if she managed to do it.

Indra also explains that another reason the Ice Nation feels bold enough to make another move against Lexa/Trikru is that Clarke made Lexa look weak – which makes perfect sense, of course that’s what people would think after Lexa walked away from the battle and Clarke went in and killed the Mountain Men.

Seeing Clarke’s new look and persona was weird as hell the first time, but I don’t know how to feel about it as a plot point. I like it when characters’ traumas are not ignored, and it makes sense that, in her state, she wants to be anonymous and leave all she was behind. But Clarke as a great hunter after 3 months, making a living out of killing large animals? That’s a bit hard to believe. It’s not the first time the show is giving her unrealistic or, rapidly learned skills (overpowering an experienced warrior like Anya in a fight, apparently learning to ride a horse off-screen in a day, being such a good shooter to kill the MW sniper through Lincoln’s shoulder – after the short training she got from Bellamy in S1..) I complain about that with Octavia, so I should about Clarke, too (though it bothers me a lot more with Octavia since her being a great warrior  – with her few months of training -  is such a big part of her arc, while these skills are never supposed to be Clarke’s main strengths and don’t get much focus. But I like that she tells the panther “Your fight is over” while killing it.

Niylah, looking at Clarke’s back: “No kill marks”. Clarke: “My back is not big enough.”

Clarke sees Niylah has a wristband from one of the Delinquents, which is going to be a plot point in 3x11.

It’s nice to see someone expressing gratitude to Clarke for defeating the Mountain Men – Niylah says she appreciates it because her mother was a victim taken by Mount Weather. It would make sense if many more Grounders actually felt like that, but we don’t ever see many ordinary Grounders say anything about it. Usually it’s just Grounder leaders trying to make Clarke feel guilty over Mount Weather to manipulate her or excuse their own actions.

Clarke’s one night stand with Niylah is the first f/f sex scene in the show. It’s also, as far as we know, only the second time Clarke has had sex with anyone (the first one was way back in 1x04). At this point, Clarke can only bear to have physical intimacy, or any kind of human contact, if it’s not with anyone she has any stronger feelings for (and asks Niylah to stop talking before initiating sex, because she doesn’t want to risk any real intimacy). But at least Niylah is really nice and helpful, doesn’t cause drama and treats her better than any of her romantic partners have.

The first time I watched this, I found it funny that Clarke’s f*ck buddy got more screentime and development than Bellamy’s supposedly serious girlfriend.  But I didn’t know that the latter would die in two episodes, while the former will remain on the show into season 6 and get to have a role beyond that of Clarke’s occasional friend with benefit.

This turned out to be much longer than I wanted it to, but that’s because this episode juggles so many storylines and characters (and a bit of nice blatant fanservice, too – like the scene of Bellamy and Lincoln sparring shirtless, or a celebrity cameo).

But how about the one plot point that was completely ignored in this episode and the rest of season 3 (and 4, and 5, and we can assume will be ignored forever)? WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE REAPERS?? Did they get cured, as the plan was originally? Abby was supposed to cure them when the alliance was still on. Did they get killed – and how, and by whom? Were they still roaming around in season 3 and 4? Why is there not a single word about any of that after season 2? Indra even recognized one of the Reapers in 2x15, it was obviously someone close to her, maybe a family member, maybe her husband/Gaia’s father? The show dropped that plot like a hot potato as soon as season 2 finished.

Body count: 

3 Ice Nation scouts killed during the confrontation (2 shot by Raven and Miller, one shot by Bellamy in the arm and then killed by Octavia)

Rating: 7/10

3x02 Wanheda, Part Two

This episode benefits from focusing on just a few storylines and characters and not featuring any of the poorer storylines.

Most of it is an exciting and intense action-adventure episode that revolves around Roan kidnapping Clarke ad trying to bring her to Lexa, as it turns out in the twist ending (after both Clarke and first time audience thought he was taking her to the Ice Nation Queen Nia), while a group from Arkadia including Bellamy, Kane and Monty are trying to rescue her.  

More new characters are introduced, including one with a huge role this season: our group (including Bellamy, Monty, Kane and Indra) has a surprise encounter with a group of survivors from the Farm Station, including Charles Pike and Monty’s mother Hannah. It was a weird meeting as it started as an ambush, before they recognized each other. Who did Pike’s group think they were ambushing and capturing? Some Grounders who stole clothes and weapons from dead Arkers? It doesn’t seem they were aware that there were any other survivors from the Ark, or else, they’d have tried to reunite with them. But it also can be seen as a sign that their terrible experiences on the ground and almost 4 months spent in the woods as guerrilla fighters have made them inclined to see enemies everywhere and mistake friends or allies for enemies.

We get the immediate “trouble ahead” warning moments when Pike calls his people “Grounder killers, all!” and they cheer, and our group looks uncomfortable because Indra is there, and then when Pike looks at Indra with animosity as soon as he hears she’s a Grounder and expresses distrust when hearing that they’re allies. But really, there’s nothing surprising about his attitude, at all, and I’ll never understand fans who are like “but why is Pike such a dick”? The show told you why, right from the start. Most of our protagonists had a similar attitude to Grounders in season 1 and early season 2, when their experiences with people on the ground consisted mostly of those people attacking them and trying to kill them. And Indra (just like many other Grounders) had the exact same attitude towards Sky people in early-to-mid season 2, as Pike has to Grounders now – when we first met her, she was constantly asking for all Sky people to be killed and trying to dissuade Lexa from an alliance, especially after Finn killed 18 unarmed people, mostly civilians, in a Grounder village. But these characters all got to have different kinds of interactions with each other and have character development since. Well, Pike and the rest of the Farm Station people have had only terrible experiences – being attacked by the people on the ground right after they landed, seeing over a hundred of their people killed in front of them, including 15 children, and they’ve spent all the time since fighting in the woods, with zero positive interactions with any Grounders. It’s really not surprising that they’re the ones with most extreme views.

Kane, however, tries to convince them that it’s all Ice Nation, they’re the bad ones, Trikru are their allies. When Pike asks for details about how that alliance happened, Bellamy gave him the shortest and nicest-sounding possible version: “We had a common enemy” – “What happened?” “We won”. Bellamy obviously doesn’t want to talk about any of it, since he’s tormented over Mount Weather even though he may not be showing it the way Clarke does. But we see that Monty later told Pike about everything that has happened, though we only see the end of that story, how they got out of Mount Weather. We can assume, however, that he did tell him all including Lexa’s betrayal, because Pike later references both that and Finn’s death in 3x08. Somehow I don’t think that hearing “well, Trikru tried to kill the kids in our camp, so we burned 300 of their warriors, then we made an alliance with them to fight the people from Mount Weather who were trying to kill us all, but they betrayed us and left us to die and we had to save ourselves on our own” helped change Pike’s opinion on the Grounders in general.

Having Zach McGowan on the show is always a good thing, and his screen presence helps make Roan an intriguing character. At this point he’s a mysterious kidnapper with a backstory about his banishment from Ice Nation which I really wanted to learn BUT THAT WE NEVER LEARNED (what the hell was up with that?) and (twist!) we learn in the last scene that he’s the Prince of Azgeda. Clarke and Roan had quite an interesting dynamic throughout the show – thank god for once that the show didn’t try to do an “Enemies to lovers” storyline (though I bet that’s just because the show already had two popular Clarke ships to juggle) but rather “Enemies to allies who are not exactly friends, definitely not romantic at all, who kind of bond and respect each other but are constantly trying to politically manipulate each other”.

Bellamy wanting to immediately run to save Clarke, the moment he saw that she had been kidnapped, and then dressing himself as an Azgeda warrior and going into enemy territory to rescue her, is a far cry from his behavior in 1x12 when he was able to be calm and rational about Clarke (and Finn and Monty) being kidnapped and presumed dead. It shows how much his feelings for her had become stronger since. In season 1, only the concern for his sister’s safety could make him have such a reaction. But he typically doesn’t make his best decision when he lets his emotions completely rule him and acts that impulsively, and in this case, his unsuccessful rescue attempt only made things worse, as it alerted Roan he was being followed, and made Clarke stop fighting and let Roan take her to his destination.

But it’s not just Bellamy who would “do anything for her, to protect her”, Clarke is equally determined to protect him at any cost, and we’ve seen evidence of that many times, including this time – when she begs Roan to spare Bellamy’s life and promises to do anything and stop fighting if he does. At the time, she believed Roan was taking her to Queen Nia to be executed, so she was basically ready to offer her life for his.

When I first saw that scene, I thought “Oh wow, show, you are really doing this? This must be the most romantically-coded scene in anything ever.” Before even starting to binge the show, I was always spoiled on the fact that Clarke and Bellamy are not a romantic couple to date and that people debate whether they’re just friends or not, and I always knew people shipped them, but that didn’t mean much since fans will ship anything (Broadchurch fans even ship the leads from that show, and they are genuinely nothing but platonic partners). So one of the bigger surprises of my initial binge was that the show is so blatant about this romantic subtext (which is more like text, a lot of the time), and has been since season 1, but they were relatively subtle with it at first and then more and more obvious as seasons went by. Maybe it jumps at you more when you’re binging it. In any case, this scene – the soft music, Bellamy touching Clarke’s hair, the way they look at each other after meeting for the first time after 3 months, Clarke begging for his life – it all looked like it was straight from some epic medieval-themed romance. I later heard people compare it to Tangled, but I’ve never seen that movie (it’s been a very long time since I’ve seen any Disney cartoons). But I’ve recently happened upon gifsets that compare that scene to a scene from Tangled: 

` Woah, they really did this. They modelled that scene after the scene where Rapunzel’s love interest tries to rescue her. And it’s not the last time they keep doing that and have used every goddamn romantic trope for the Bellamy/Clarke relationship. Is Jason Rothenberg for real? How do you do stuff like this, over and over, and then go in interviews: “Weeell, it’s Rorschah test, you can see this or you can see that, I mean maybe, but maybe they are just best buddies, ya know?” LMAO

Knowing about the Tangled reference suddenly makes me realize, they’re kind of doing this whole story as Rapunzel in reverse. We have our golden haired heroine who’s a target for her supposed special powers, and. Clarke finds herself as a literal Princess in the Tower at the end of this episode, and remains that for half of season 3. But while Rapunzel was trapped in the tower to begin with and wanted to escape and be free to see the world, Clarke was running away from the world, then got kidnapped and brought to the tower, and then decided to stay there.

 And what a freaking huge tower it is – I didn’t know the full significance of it (that it’s the former Polaris space station) when that reveal was the last moment of the episode. This thing must have been a great strategic asset, you’d have seen any army approaching from miles away.

I love the last scene, which is the first meeting Clarke and Lexa after season 2, because Clarke’s rage – spitting into Lexa’s face and yelling that she’s going to kill her, while she’s dragged away – is such a fitting and relatable reaction to the betrayal at Mount Weather, and, maybe even more, to the way Lexa starts talking to her without apologizing or even mentioning their history, being all business instead and talking about the current political situation and how Clarke can help her in that department. I didn’t even notice this before, but while Clarke just glares at Lexa at first and stays silent, it was when Lexa said “I need you” that Clarke spat in her face and went ballistic. It’s interesting to compare that to 3x05, when Bellamy had a bad reaction to Clarke telling him “I need you” in a similar context. It’s not the same thing, of course, because Clarke had not betrayed Bellamy (even if he may have kind of felt otherwise), but it’s a similar “I’ll just ignore our history – there’s nothing personal and painful to talk about here, la la la  – let’s instead just talk about how you can help me stop the war” approach.

I now love that scene even more because it’s the last time Clarke shows anger for the next two seasons. Or rather, she shows the same anger early on in the next episode in her conversation with Lexa and then when she was planning to kill her before changing her mind, but from that point on, there’s a shift in Clarke’s characterization that I’ve never liked. She was always smart, pragmatic, caring, vulnerable and good at using her words to convince people, but she also used to be vibrant, edgy, held grudges before finding a way to forgive people, and could be very impulsive. But in season 3, after the first couple of episodes, she kind of became a lot mellower and blander, and remained that way throughout season 3 and in season 4 (even though there’s otherwise a lot I like about her arc in season 4), where she would do ruthless things and feel sad about it and say “Sorry” a lot while other people told her she sucks, she would cry and look sad, but never ever show any anger herself. I really found myself wishing for her to finally show some anger at some point, at anyone, for any reasons, or go off and stop repressing her feelings and scream about her pain, break things, do something. I finally did get some of that – in 5x01 when she screamed at fate for taking everything away from her, and then, boy, did I get what I was wishing for in 5x09 – her slapping Bellamy and her silent but deadly rage/heartbreak at what she perceived as his betrayal, was the first time she had that kind of reaction to a person since her rage at Lexa in 3x02/3x03. (Unpopular opinion: I prefer season 5 Clarke to season 3 Clarke. Sure, season 5 Clarke was a total mess and reached rock bottom in many ways, but she was a more interesting and edgier mess. )

The B storylines were good, too. This is the first time we actually get to see what “the City of Light” looks like and learn about how it works. After Gideon, the big dude with a facial disfigurement, is killed by Emori in self-defense, we see him again in the “City of Light”, where he’s removed his disfigurement and can be a “normal” person rather than a “freak”. In later episodes, we see that Otan has done the same, but only Emori will not change herself physically, because she doesn’t have a problem with her body, just with the way others react to it, making her an outcast over it.

Nice to see Nyko again, one of my favorite minor characters. Unlike so many other people in this show, he’s always both nice and rational. When Abby, Jackson, Lincoln and Octavia took him to Mount Weather to find resources to cure him, and Lincoln was concerned because Grounders could have a problem with Arkers moving into Mount Weather because of their history with the place, Nyko pointed out “Places are not evil, people are.” The whole idea of the Arkers not being allowed to move into Mount Weather is stupid, knowing that the place had all those resources.

The show tried to give us bad vibes about Arkers moving into Mount Weather (which they absolutely had right to – they conquered it, so by the very rules of a warrior culture like the Grounder one, they could lay claim to it) with the talk from Octavia and Lincoln about how Grounders would have a problem with it because of bad memories. But that was just a red herring. Moving into Mount Weather turned out to be bad for a very different reason. We now know that at least the leaders of Ice Nation didn’t give a damn about their bad history with the Mountain Men, since they were working with Emerson.

What the heck was Abby thinking when she took Jasper to Mount Weather? She’s not a psychiatrist (did they even have psychiatrists on the Ark?) but I don’t think taking him back to the place of his greatest trauma is a good way to help his mental health. At least we get a nice scene for the Octavia/Jasper friendship, where she is comforting him while he remembers Maya, looking at her favorite painting, Second Circle of Hell by Dante. (The second circle of hell is for those guilty of lust... Is that why Jasper said it was ironic? Because he and Maya just kissed once and never got the chance to have sex?

Timeline: It seems that Parts One and Two lasted a little less than two days – Part One started during the day, Clarke spent a night with Niylah and immediately left in the morning, and Part Two took place during the following day.

Body count: 

Three Ice Nation warriors killed by Roan

A bounty hunter killed by Bellamy to save Niylah

Gideon, killed by Emori– but still “alive” in the City of Light

I don’t know if this counts for this episode, since it actually happened after the Farm Station landed on the ground, so somewhere around the season 1 finale and early season 2, but we only learn it now: about 120-130 people from the Farm station were killed since they landed (there are 63 Farm Station survivors, but Kane said the station initially had three times that number). A lot of them, including 15 children, were killed by the Ice Nation right after they landed, and Monty’s father, who saved four children, was killed when trying to save another one. I assume that some of the Farm Station people died fighting the Ice Nation in the woods, and that they also killed an unknown number of Azgeda people during that time. (Technically, this all happened during the timeline of season 2 and between the seasons.)

Rating: 8.5/10