#indifference isn’t the opposition of love; it’s a lack of any passionate feeling

[alenablack]

real enemies to lovers is so intriguing because it perfectly displays how fine the line between love and hate really is. hate is one perspective shift away from love and vice versa.

both love & hate are passionate feelings; and require a similar level of investment.

[siennahrobek]

“He’s holding me back,” Anakin snarled as Obi-Wan carefully paced a cup of steaming tea in front of him. He had come to the older master quite readily after he and Qui-Gon had joined their crew. Getting picked up by a fleet of venator class destroyers could either be incredibly embarrassing or quite impressive. Obi-Wan isn’t entirely sure which Anakin thinks. He had steeped Anakin something sweet and calming; exactly what the young knight needed. It was pretty much what he needed all the time, to be honest. The boy had more than just a bit of a temper.

Being around Qui-Gon Jinn didn’t exactly help.

The man rather indulged him.

Obi-Wan shrugged as he sat down on the opposite side of the thin table, shifting the cup towards Anakin and pulling his own closer. He made direct eye contact as he took a sip. Usually, it would prompt Anakin to do the same. In the company of certain people, Anakin sometimes mirrored others’ actions. Obi-Wan was one of those people. “Perhaps. But you are no longer a padawan. A knight in your own right,” he assured gently. He honestly doubted that Qui-Gon was actually holding Anakin back; Obi-Wan was fairly certain no one could really hold him back.

Sometimes however, he could be convinced to step back once in a while. It was a rare occurrence, but it had happened before.

“He’s jealous of my power,” Anakin snapped, nearly cracking the mug his fingers were laced around. Obi-Wan gently put a hand over his to stop it and pull it away. Anakin’s fingers were trembling in the jedi’s own and Obi-Wan gave a gentle, assuring squeeze before he pushed the mug a little further into Anakin’s purview.

In the end, Obi-Wan had actually snorted. The concept was rather ridiculous, his master being anything of the sort. Anakin was thinking things, perhaps even told things like this, but it couldn’t be the truth. “Doubtfully,” he muttered, something low but able for the younger man to hear rather clearly. He cleared his voice to continue. “Qui-Gon Jinn isn’t jealous of anyone, least of all you, Anakin. Take a sip, you will feel better.”

He hesitated but Anakin did so, mirroring Obi-Wan. They drank in silence, but the air was turning more comfortable. Tension bled from his shoulders as they released, and he slumped down a little bit. Anakin’s temper always seemed to be running high these days and Obi-Wan wasn’t sure if he could help in a way that Anakin really needed. He only, currently, had momentarily solutions to a bigger issue.

“A bit better?” he asked. He knew the answer.

“Yeah,” Anakin admitted begrudgingly with a sigh, shaking his head. He glanced over down below the balcony and then back at Obi-Wan, something sad but fiery in his eyes. It was a rather strange combination, Obi-Wan had to admit. “I should be out here, with you. In the war. Fighting.”

“It is not as glamorous as you are thinking it is,” the older jedi just hummed, taking a sip of his own tea and once again, Anakin took his own sip. He wondered if the younger man realized what he did.

“I know that.”

“You don’t,” Obi-Wan refuted but it was kind and patient, shooting a look to project that when Anakin stared at him, a bit angry at his counter. He didn’t like people contradicting him or telling him what he knew. Usually he wouldn’t, but Obi-Wan knew that Anakin had no idea what war was actually like. Not like this. Obi-Wan just tried to keep himself as serene and enduring as ever, to deal with Anakin’s irritated and frustrated disagreements. “I would not expect you too, either. Master Jinn is right about one thing, we shouldn’t be fighting a war.”

“You agree with him?” Anakin sputtered, surprised. The concept was befuddling to him and Obi-Wan wondered what exactly he knew about the war. Master Jinn was certainly not favorable; he couldn’t imagine the older master saying anything nice about it. Perhaps he even spun falsehoods. “Then why do you?” Anakin asked.

Obi-Wan looked over the ledge that sat about the rest of the mess hall, off to the side. Down below them was the rest of the mess hall and cafeteria, littered and crawling with troopers. Obi-Wan could feel them, he could always feel them. They filled him with such warmth and care, it made it just a bit easier to get up each morning and fight in a war that he could not stand being in. Yes, it was to protect innocents, but he reminded himself everyday that he could do what he had to protect as many as them as well. “Reach out and tell me what you feel,” he added. It was more of a suggestion than a demand but rarely did Anakin see that kind of difference.

Anakin sighed and rolled his eyes, staring at him intently. “You are not my master, Obi-Wan.” This much was true. Anakin was a knight, he no longer needed – or wanted for that matter – a master telling him what to do, but Obi-Wan had a point. At his core, he always knew he would be a bit of a teacher. He always had a point.

“Humor me,” Obi-Wan glanced at him with a kind smile.

The younger man just sighed again, loud and dramatic, and eventually complied. He looked over, beyond the railing, down in the large room that harbored so many soldiers. Some of them were in their amor uniform, usually sans helmet and others in blacks. Officers had their own uniforms that they were hardly out of, whether they were clone or not. A minute passed. Two.

Obi-Wan just waited patiently.

But then. “What do you feel?”

“They are warm,” Anakin acknowledged, his voice starting to soften, just as Obi-Wan spotted his eyes doing the same. “Brighter than I expected them to be. “They are strong, loyal, determined. Doing their best and being their best. They care about one another such certainty and persistence.” His smile was gentle and kind, lacking the fiery passion that usually inhabited him.

He could make friends here, Obi-Wan thought.

But Obi-Wan just nodded and Anakin looked back at him. He was still in a bit of a daze, probably from seeing and feeling all that warmth and light, but he was still listening, probably expecting Obi-Wan to tell him his point for the exercise. Whether or not Obi-Wan would say anything, he knew that Anakin didn’t quite regret what the older master had asked of him. “They are living and breathing beings. Sentients with hopes and dreams, whether they admit it or not. Whether they consciously know it or not,” he started. Many times, had he heard that the soldiers only dreamed of the survival of themselves and their brothers from one day to the next and didn’t think of the future that they may have afterwards. Although Obi-Wan believed them, when they said such things, he also thought they had subconscious desires and dreams for that future. Hopes for it. Even if they hadn’t been able to quite realize them yet. He truly hoped he could help them get to that point.

“I know they are,” Anakin added quietly, staring down at his tea before taking a small sip, unprompted. Obi-Wan counted it as a win. It was hard enough for Anakin to drink tea, even when he knew it helped him.

“They are a large reason why I do this. Why I must,” Obi-Wan responded, just as soft, staring down at the gently swirling liquid in his cup.

Anakin glanced up at him, his head turning a bit. “What do you mean?”

Obi-Wan pointed to the corner of the mess hall, a small table inhabited by non-clones and non-jedi. There weren’t many of them, but Anakin had a thought that it was rather on purpose. They packed together, rather tightly and did not move away from their specific table, keeping together and not milling with anyone else around. “What do you feel from them?” he asked, a bit abruptly.

Anakin groaned again but it was light and only half-hearted, but did so, taking a breath before letting his eyes sweep over the room and then settle on the table in the corner. He closed his eyes briefly and reached. With a frown, he started to speak, to explain what he felt. It didn’t appear that he liked what he was feeling, what he found in them. “They…aren’t happy. But…not in the sense of war, not in grief or sadness but like, they are dim, displeased, annoyed. They feel…disgust? Indifference?”

Obi-Wan nodded. He had felt it.

“Do they…are their feelings because of the clones?” Anakin asked, startled at the thought and pending realization.

“Sometimes, yes. Those few right there think of the troopers much like the rest of the galaxy sees them. As though they are droids encased in flesh; worthy only to be cannon fodder,” Obi-Wan explain, only sparing those men a quick glance. He looked back at the troopers that made up most of the room and Anakin could feel him softening again.

Anakin’s lip curled as a snarl escaped out. The thought made him angry.

“They do not care so much for casualties, only absolute victory, no matter the cost,” Obi-Wan continued. “If they jedi were not here to use tactics and ideas that wouldn’t decimate the numbers…I imagine it would be much worse,” he sighed, shaking his head with a deepening frown. “The clones are so willing, so eager, so loyal. I do not quite understand how anyone can meet them and not love them.”

“You are trying to save them,” Anakin said and felt pushed around by the appreciation and care for the troopers. It was interesting to feel. Jedi were known for their compassion and kindness, their wiliness to help others, sometimes even at the cost of their own lives, but it felt a bit different with the troopers. Anakin was beginning to understand why the jedi may have chosen to enter the war; if only to try and help in any way they could. There was something different about these beings. Like they were somehow intertwined with the jedi. Made to be friends, to work together, made for one another in a way that was profound, and one Anakin couldn’t quite understand or comprehend in words. He wondered if others had noticed this.

“I am not so naïve to think I can do so,” Obi-Wan replied, breaking through Anakin’s thoughts. “But I want to get at least as many as I can through this war. They…care about us in a way we don’t generally see associated with the jedi. The least we can do is try to get them through this and return the favor the best we can.”

“Do other jedi feel this way?” Anakin hadn’t even realized he had spoke for a moment, verbally saying what he had been thinking just seconds prior. Sometimes he felt so different than others, like he was the only one who could connect on the level that he did. Like he was an exception.

Master Qui-Gon thought he was an exception.

Obi-Wan nodded and there was absolutely no hesitation to it. “Not everyone of course, but most, at the very least. Even if we hadn’t been drafted into the war, I think the Council would have done the same.”

“Drafted?” Anakin blinked.

“Yes.”

“Wait. So, the Order was forced to join the war?” Anakin asked incredulously because…that was not what he had heard. Over a year in and this was the first he had heard of such a thing.

Obi-Wan hesitated, like he wasn’t sure if he should be the one giving this information, like he wasn’t sure if he should be the one having this conversation, but his brows furrowed, and he nodded. “Yes, Anakin,” he replied slowly. He had to be careful with how he spoke. Anakin’s friendship with the leader of the Republic was not exactly a secret and everyone knew how protective Anakin was of his friends. “The Chancellor made it…very clear we did not have much of a choice.”

“Master Qui-Gon said you chose it,” Anakin responded, and he sounded numb, his voice just kind of dropping off in surprise.

You, Obi-Wan mused with darkening thoughts. Had Qui-Gon meant Obi-Wanspecifically chose this or was Qui-Gon distancing himself from the jedi already? Had his old master turned Anakin against the jedi; made him see himself an exception for everything? Chosen one or not, Anakin was a jedi. That was not to change unless Anakin chose to change it. But one could not continue to truly be a jedi if they thought of themselves as exceptions to the rules, to the guidelines, to the faith of their culture.

“No, Anakin,” his voice came out nearly as a croak. “The Order was drafted.”

“But Master Jinn…” Anakin drifted off, staring down at his tea. There was barely any of it left. “If the Jedi were drafted, not everyone is involved. Master Jinn, he…he’s not a part of it.”

“We found a loophole for him,” Obi-Wan confessed and it felt a bit different when he spoke it. He found a loophole for his former master; to ease the mess. He couldn’t imagine what Qui-Gon would have done or said if they hadn’t kept him out of it. Whether or not it was the right choice, Obi-Wan knew, even if they could get Qui-Gon to work within the confines of the war, he would almost certainly have become Obi-Wan’s problem. And Obi-Wan dealt with his old master enough as it was. “He was rather vehement in his stance on the war, so we claimed his injury and ability would make quote useless on the battle field,” he explained.

“His injury?” Anakin echoed.

“From Naboo.”

Anakin nodded in sudden understanding but his gaze was far off, nearly vacant, like there was something happening in his mind, wheels turning that not even Obi-Wan could fathom or comprehend. “I guess that is smart. He wouldn’t have listened anyways,” he confessed. It sounded rather fond, which wasn’t surprising. Anakin’s soft and often blind spot when it came to Master Jinn was always apparent. He loved Master Jinn’s blatant disregard for rules, to follow what he thought and believed was the will of the Force. Whether or not it actually was the Will of the Force, it hardly mattered. It was the will of Qui-Gon Jinn.

Qui-Gon often seemed to believe that he was the only one who really understood the will of the Force.

At this point, everyone was too tired and too busy to even try to argue with him. Not that anyone wanted to argue with him because it never did anything, never got anywhere. One could not change Jinn’s mind, could not shift his perspective or make him think in any other ways.

“Quite,” Obi-Wan agreed.

“I wasn’t forced,” Anakin realized quietly after a long moment of the two sitting in silence, sipping what was left of their tea, not lukewarm. “I wasn’t even asked,” he added.

“That is partially my doing,” Obi-Wan confessed. He knew he would have to have this conversation at some point, and he had been dreading it ever since it had been done.

Anakin surged in anger and Obi-Wan could feel it. It was fairly certain everyone could feel it. The troopers in particular seemed rather sensitive and knowing of a jedi’s moods and projections. “Why?” Anakin demanded. “Did you not think I’d be good enough for-?”

“Anakin, calm down,” Obi-Wan said, quickly slipping in his own before things could get any worse and his projections stronger. “Take a sip of your tea.”

There was not much left but there was enough. Scowling, he complied.

“Qui-Gon was already going to disown me, and I knew how you feel about him, and you were still a padawan at the time…I didn’t want the same to happen to you,” Obi-Wan started. He wasn’t sure how to explain this but he would do his best with what he had on hand.

“I’m not you.”

Ouch, that stung. It was true, of course, in many more ways than Anakin knew, but that hardly made it hurt any less.

“That came out wrong,” Anakin nearly winced.

“You aren’t wrong. You aren’t me,” Obi-Wan said, which, of course, was always true. Lucky him, the master thought. He didn’t say that Qui-Gon loved Anakin in a way that he was still incapable of caring for Obi-Wan. It wasn’t either of their faults and Obi-Wan knew a lot of the blame could be found on Xanatos and the Chosen One prophecy, but that hardly made it any easier to live and deal with. It could very much be exhausting. Anakin didn’t see it, not yet, and Obi-Wan still isn’t entirely sure if he ever would. “But that does not mean he would be happy with it. You know how he feels about the war, about my part in it. About the jedi’s part in it. I didn’t want you to have to go through that. Something even remotely like that. My apologies, I wanted to keep you out of the war best I could. You are so young.”

“I am an adult! A knight!” Anakin’s voice rose into a near screech. So ready, so adamant to prove that he is mature and capable and an adult. Of course, he was capable, but his maturity wasn’t nearly as rounded as he liked to believe, and he often just did not think. He reminded Obi-Wan of Master Jinn this way. It was his way or no way at all. But unlike Master Jinn, at least in the present some of the times, Anakin was also just a bit more inclined to listen to Obi-Wan. Not all the time, of course, because Anakin always thought he was right, but with the right care and nudging and so much patience, Obi-Wan, on occasion, could get through to him on certain subjects.

“Anakin,” he said his name with as much fondness and softness and patience as he could muster. Which, when it came to this boy, was quite a bit. “War is….it is not like any mission you have been on. It is constant and it does not end. There is a goal, but it does not finish there. There is always something else, something so time sensitive. You don’t get to go home after one mission is done, there is always another, linked swinging from one to another. There is so much more violence and death, and it chips off pieces of yourself every moment. It stays with you, long, long after the conflict may be resolved,” he said, and Anakin seemed rather enraptured in what Obi-Wan was saying. He couldn’t understand all of what Obi-Wan was referencing and he wouldn’t understand how this would stay with those who fought in it. Conflict like this, although not to scale, was something Obi-Wan knew, at times, rather intimately. “It is an experience, a pain, a dirt you can never be clean of,” he insisted, swallowing hard. “War is messy, and nothing is so clean cut as people often make it out to be. You keep giving things up; your ability, your mind, your emotions, your morals, your soul, loyalty, trust…. until there is nothing left of you to give. It becomes written in your bones until it is hard to imagine you were anything else. It takes the best things of life, of ourselves, and only gives back the worst and most destructive for us to figure out how to live with.”

[johns-prince]

“I’ve seen religion from Jesus to Paul” I always thought that line wasn’t about John worshipping Paul, but about other people worshipping Paul. I mean, John is criticising religion in this song, he’s criticising worship. He didn’t believe in Jesus, so “from Jesus to Paul” doesn’t seem like it’s supposed to be about himself and his religions imo. I always thought it was about beatlemania and how people worship Paul like a god when in reality he’s just as flawed as any of us. It’d fit with John being mad at Paul.

I might be wrong of course! I never thought about it as John saying he worshipped Paul, so my point of view isn’t really well thought out or anything. It’s just what goes through my head when I listen to the song. I hope you don’t think I disagree with you or anything 🥺 I just love discussing mclennon

No, I think you’re right, but I also believe it’s more complicated than that.

I found something, and I find it really interesting:

“In this angry and bitter song Lennon attacks a number of falsehoods such as the idolatry of the Beatles and how he is the focus for many of those involved in the peace movement.” [x]

It’s incredibly curious how John went with using only Paul’s name, if that’s what this song is supposed to be about. If it’s supposed to be about the whole band itself, why only use Paul’s name in it? Why be so direct as that? We know why—

“The lyrics are some of Lennon’s most vitriolic, taking shots at religion, his parents, drugs, and even his former songwriting partner (“I seen religion from Jesus to Paul”). It presents a clear perspective on the past, a theme he would revisit on the Imagine album’s ‘Oh My Love’ the following year.” [x]

Now that make’s better sense, since I don’t believe this was taking a shot directly at The Beatles and the period of idolatry (Beatlemania), but taking direct shots at Paul. 

It’s hypocritical for him to basically claim people were worshipping Paul like some God or religion, when John was being no better in basically being quite obsessive about the man. The opposite of love isn’t hate, but indifference.

And again, if this song is supposed to be about criticizing the worship and idolatry of The Beatles, why is he only directly referencing Paul McCartney? 

Doesn’t add up. 

To me this song is not only for John to “air out” his supposed grievances, and emotions/feelings towards Paul, but to be petty, and lash out at his ex-partner.  

This song screams scorned lover to me, someone who’s clearly hurt, deeply hurt, and is lashing out and using music to convey how he feels. I don’t agree that it presents a clear perspective on the past, because it’s John in the 70s and we all must acknowledge that 70s John is not at all a reliable narrator, and often contradicted himself in interviews and double backed on what he’d say about the past, and what he had to say or feel about Paul. It’s his perspective, that’s true, but more-so a skewed perspective on not only the past, but of his feelings at the time and heat of the moment, towards Paul.

John was probably not only envious (To John, Paul is stable, he’s put together, and John recognized and acknowledged that Paul was extraordinarily talented and could very well succeed without him), but hurt that Paul, it seemed, didn’t need him to get along. A fear that most likely rooted and became a nagging insecurity, after Paul unleashed Yesterday in 1965, and then came the questions of whether Paul would leave The Beatles (John) and start a solo career. 

It’s obvious that the band broke up because of what was going on between John and Paul, their falling out due to John’s growing lack of involvement due to his use of heroin, which made him unapproachable and testy, his unhealthy escapism into Yoko and her influence/presence. In the end, it’s no real surprise that Paul left. John resented it, even if it was his fault, his doing and behavior that left Paul with no other choice then to abandon ship. 

So, Paul left him, and was planning on going solo, and launching his own band in the next year.

Now let me point something out put on your tinfoil hats let’s see if I don’t lose any of you here lol—

Now that I showed you what I been through Don't take nobody's word what you can do There ain't no Jesus gonna come from the sky Now that I found out I know I can cry I, I found out I, I found out

Okay, so I’m reading the two lyrics “There ain’t no Jesus gonna come from the sky,” and “Now that I found out I know I can cry,” as connected. While yes John didn’t seem to believe in Jesus, he was still spiritual. Now, take those two lyrics, of some messiah not going to come and how the realization of it, of the fact this religion or ‘God’ isn’t going to come down and save you— and finding this out, of course you’re going to cry. 

What you believed was going to somehow save you, save you from the miseries of life and save you from yourself, wasn’t actually going to come, or happen, that can really break person who was relying on such faith. 

I seen through junkies, I been through it all I've seen religion from Jesus to Paul Don't let them fool you with dope and cocaine No one harm you feel your own pain I, I found out I, I found this out I, I found out

Now, I do agree that John is knocking religion and idolatry worship, but also taking shots at Paul. 

But I just think John’s outing himself here, because, okay look. John’s seen through junkies— John was a junkie when writing this, let’s be real. He can say he isn’t fooled by them, but he clearly is— he was fooling himself. 

So let’s just go with John is apparently attacking The Beatles here— we all know John loved The Beatles, and had just as much faith and passion for it as Paul did. He put all his eggs in that theoretical basket. 

And throughout the height of The Beatles, who were the two always together? Who had plans about sticking together and growing old together still making music? Who two had ideas to write a musical together, one day? 

John and Paul were John and Paul, and both believed it was always going to be that way. They’d mentioned running off to Scotland to escape a potential draft, Paul had said that after The Beatles he and John would still continue making music together, that as they got older they’d even make music for other, younger musicians to play. It was ALWAYS John and Paul, like, always. 

So imagine you have all this faith in someone, all this love, you see them as a stable structure in your life, someone who rarely let’s you down, who’s ALWAYS going to be there for you, who has shared so many intimate experiences with, who knows you and has seen you without your armor on, seen the good the  bad and the ugly and still wants to be with you, who you’ve shared similar, vivid dreams with, who would experience misery and fear with you (the LSD trip), who seemingly shares a secret and unspoken language with you— only for all of it, to fall flat, for it to go horribly wrong, for them to (unintentionally) reject you, to hurt you and leave you feeling abandoned and alone. That perhaps they don’t love you in the way you’d come to the realization that you wanted them too. 

For you to realize, or feel, like they can’t save you, that they can’t fix you. Because, like you said, Paul isn’t perfect, he doesn’t always have it together, he wasn’t as stable as John believed him to be naturally— Paul’s just as flawed as any of us. He was struggling too, and simply couldn’t always meet John’s sometimes unrealistic expectations and desires.

I think in some way, The Beatles, and thus Paul, were somewhat of a religion to John. He believed in them unlike anything else. Even if partially satirical, the comment of them becoming Bigger than Jesus, I think that in itself is worship (even if that’s unintentional, or perhaps a Freudian slip) of what they all created together— what John and Paul created together. That they could become more popular than Jesus Christ himself, and the religions he’s attached too. 

So I honestly believe John was just telling on himself throughout this song. How John wrote his songs, they were personal, they had something to do with him, how he felt and perceived things, his desires and fears— even when attacking or criticizing someone, or something else. 

Cor I could be 100% completely wrong in my interpretation and analysis, and I’m just a biased McLennoner who needs to shaddup.

Now a side tangent real quick because I found this and I have something to say:

“This song includes the line: "The freaks on the phone won't leave me alone, so don't give me that brother, brother." Lennon explained the lyric to the January edition of Rolling Stone. He said: "I'm sick of all these aggressive hippies or whatever they are, the "Now Generation," being very up-tight with me. Either on the street or anywhere, or on the phone, demanding my attention, as if I owed them something."  [x]

In 1969 he and Yoko did that performative, elitist Bed In For Peace for two whole bloody weeks. Not to mention spreading all that “War is over if you want it to be,” sloganeering. Of course they (the hippie Now Generation) expected something from him, he’d been playing political activist with Yoko for attention, and he got it. So for him to be bitching about suddenly being looked too as some leading figure for these movements, I think is pretty telling. 

Like how it mentioned up there, that John had an issue being part of the main focus for those in the ‘Peace movement’, I think it’s funny, or at most annoying, how people claim John was some hippie or commie when, I think it was clear, he didn’t want anything to do with those individuals or whatever they were selling (I mean John was materialistic and a capitalist, all the boys were) John wasn’t political, he wasn’t very interested in all that, and like with most things, his fascination and interest in it faded quickly and he became bored and disillusioned by the ideologies and political figures, and dropped them.

I’m not saying John didn’t care, like anyone he had opinions and thoughts, feelings on subjects— he wasn’t seriously into politics. He wasn’t a political leader, he didn’t want to become a political figure or martyr, he wasn’t a radical of any sorts, and had admitted later on about being embarrassed about who he was during the Imagine period of his life, and regretted a lot of what he’d said or done. 

Anyway... I know this was supposed to be about dissecting the lyrical and personal(mclennon) meaning too “I’ve seen religion from Jesus to Paul,” but it really is all over the place. Sorry about that. 

[kytcordell]

Why Do I Create?

Compulsion

I cannot stop creating.

In fact, I’ve tried--multiple times. There have been so many occasions on which the frustration and self-loathing associated with creative pursuits was psychologically crippling to the point where I did try and stop. But I never stopped inventing stories in my mind. I never stopped creating characters. I never stopped following artists I liked, basking in distant envy at the skills I believed I could never attain.

It has taken me a lifetime to really distill the true reason behind why I create. As much I would like to say that I’ve “always just loved drawing and expressing myself,” this simply wouldn’t be true nor an accurate representation of the relationship I have with art. At this point, I’m not sure if the word “passion” or “love” quite captures why I create. I would describe it more as a feverish need--a compulsion. I actually don’t even quite see myself as the “owner” of my works or ideas, but rather, as the vessel which serves them. Every ounce effort I put toward creative endeavors is a means of honing myself into a more suitable vehicle for delivering ideas into being.

For most of my life, I had an extremely pathological and maladaptive sense of self that resulted from nearly 26 years of physical and psychological abuse. It took me a long time to even recognize that what happened to me was in fact abuse. I used to shy away from the word because it seemed too self-pitying and dramatic. It still sometimes feels that way, despite the fact I objectively know that if anyone (let alone a parent) ever pulled a knife on me now, I would call the police without a second thought.

I won’t go too much into the details of what happened because it isn’t really worth delving into. But I was essentially raised as if I were an investment fund and not a person. My entire purpose was to be useful so my mother could stop having responsibilities of any kind. I was not raised with own personal well-being and future stability in mind. This meant that a non-lucrative career was unacceptable. My art was ever only appreciated in the context of bragging rights or winning awards. This of course, manifested in my relationship with creative pursuits.

Narcissism

My adolescent motivations for drawing were fueled mostly by pure, unadulterated narcissism.

I drew semi-seriously throughout high school. By that, I mean I quickly figured out what kinds of skills were considered impressive for that age group and did well at shows and competitions. I wanted to feel superior and adored at any cost, and while I embodied the external talking points of “being humble, always learning, etc.” deep down, I clung to the idea that I was better than everyone else. I couldn’t handle critique emotionally, despite acting receptive. I was completely consumed by the idea of being some kind of perfect, “talented” golden child.

I managed to get very good at copying photos and rendering, while neglecting all the skills that contribute to being able to design characters or draw from imagination. I didn’t really pursue art with any real level of personalized focus. I just liked feeling like I was better than people and knew more than the other kids. Honestly, every single aspect of my life revolved around this mentality.

I held onto the idea of “being good” as a trophy because that was the only mode of thought that my psyche could accept. It was easier to embrace narcissism and even just accept being a shallow social climber than to face the far more harrowing truth:

That I was afraid I’d never have the skills to manifest my ideas.

In fact, I talked myself into believing for ages that I didn’t care that much about my ideas. They would never amount to anything. And having self-indulgent, non-utilitarian attachments to my stories and OCs felt like a weakness. I needed to rationalize my own shortcomings with a guise of indifference.

Revererence

I stopped drawing for about seven years after high school. And even during high school, I didn’t do anything that remotely resembles the kind of ‘grind’ that I’ve put myself through the last 2.5 years. Frankly, I’m amazed I got as far as I did even with being a human copy machine that produced lifeless 1:1 images of candles. With each year I passed, I grew increasingly uncomfortable with the fact I always knew deep down--I just wasn’t that good. I mean, I was pretty good for a guy in high school. But my holistic sense of composition, invention, and execution was near non-existent. I went through a few attempts of returning to art, only to be so overwhelmed with my own incompetence that I would just go back to the “I don’t care that much about art” script I had gotten so good at conning myself into.

It was not until I had a complete mental breakdown due to my psychotic cunt of a mother threatening my safety and sanity that my long-con finally broke. I had a moment where I just accepted that I had no fundamentals, my skills were trash, and most of all--I was not okay with them being trash. From that point, I started desperately seeking out resources and practicing to improve. Receiving criticism (while I really appreciated it objectively) was psychologically devastating to me. Every single imperfection was a reminder of “lost time” and the years I had spent lying to myself.

It wasn’t until I discovered Loomis, Hampton, Draw-a-Box, Proko, and many other reputable art resources that I managed to start hitting the pavement and making the kind of gains I wanted. I drew sometimes for 12-16 hours a day even while I was homeless and living on a friend’s couch due to having to flee my home at the time.  Through all of this, I shed all my notions of “being talented” or needing to delude myself into feeling like I was good. No, I was dogshit and I needed to do something about. I think the biggest hurdle people face when trying to get good at anything is accepting that they are bad. You cannot improve until you fully and wholeheartedly accept that you have problems that need fixing.

I went from approaching things from a place of narcissism to a place of reverence. A lot of what instilled this change in me was observing people that I admire. Those that are highly competent (in any craft) tend to be realistic and humble about their shortcomings. The very process of attaining mastery forces you to realize that there is an infinite scale of improvement. This isn’t to say that people who are good can’t also get full of themselves. But at least among the individuals I gravitate towards, there is a general sense of reverence and genuine modesty. On the other hand, people who are mediocre frequently have very large egos. Unfortunately, there is a lot egotistical, irrational, whiny-bitch anti-progress behavior that is prevalent in art circles. I realized just how cancerous conceit and ego could be. It had destroyed my progress for years and I was watching complete hacks insist they were gods atop mount stupid. It was truly the Dunning-Krueger effect in action.

Many of the people I encountered in the art community early on were pretty mediocre and had a terrible sense of fundamentals. Again, this would be fine if they didn’t insist on acting like experts on the topic. (Plenty of people draw for fun and don’t care about being good and there is nothing wrong with purely pursuing something for leisure.) However, I unfortunately ran into quite a few extremely petty people had no idea of how to actually get good at anything, and were annoyed at the fact I had prioritized working on fundamentals. People that I engaged in good faith soon attempted to derail conversations and questions I had about technique and improvement. Crabs in a bucket bullshit, really.

Anyone knows me also knows that I have no tolerance for bullshit or “UwU bitches” making “it’s my style” excuses for being technically incompetent. (Which isn’t to say accuracy is always more important than style, but using “style” or “aesthetic” as an excuse for a lack of skill or competence is extremely common among mediocre artists). Likewise, I also encountered people who manifested narcissism in the opposite direction. The opposite of the “it’s muh style” camp were people who endlessly liked to talk about theoretical technical knowledge. Sometimes they were good at one skillset or another, but generally lack any kind of concept or actual artistic vision. It was like they had lost sight of expression goals in favor of shit talking and dropping advanced art vocabulary.

I realized that no amount of shit-talk, posturing, or external validation was going to make me good at art. I always knew that, but watching people descend into the abyss of self-sabotage just reminded me what was at stake. I would rather never “feel” like I was superior than run the risk of delusional overconfidence. Likewise, I broke out of the trap of thinking technical skill could somehow compensate for a lack of good ideas or artistic vision. Nothing matters more than the clarity of expression, and skill is but a conduit for said expression. I would rather feel eternally small and striving for a forlorn dream than run the risk of being 10 years down the road cranking out trashy, vapid content while thinking I’m some kind of omnipotent art god.

I draw because I cannot stop. It’s like being touched by fire that you cannot quell or erase. I work to improve because I want to depict my stories and characters with the finesse, nuance, and artistry that I admire in so many others. I truly feel there is no point in pursuing art seriously if you do not have a voice, a “vision” for why you create. Looking back, the motivation that kept me going through the hardest struggles was the desire to succeed in communicating my stories and concepts. I am but an acolyte eternally striving for even a brief glimpse of an ephemeral muse.

[homenum-revelio-hq]

Welcome (again) to the Order of the Phoenix, Karli!

You have been accepted for the role of BENJY FENWICK with the faceclaim change of Nick Robinson, along with the requested bio changes! I loved how you dug into and fleshed-out Benjy’s ills and issues without obscuring the bright, optimistic (naive) core of him. I also adored reading the relationships section and how you wove so many other members of the Order into his life and perspective. I can’t wait to see him interact with everybody on the dash! I’m so glad you’ve decided to bring us the rest of the Chaos Trio!

Please take a look at the new member checklist and send in your account within 24 hours! Thank you for joining the fight against Voldemort!

OUT OF CHARACTER:

NAME: Karli

AGE: 29

TIMEZONE: CST

ACTIVITY LEVEL: Same as it has been, fairly active. Less so in the fall when school starts up again.

ANYTHING ELSE: None.

CHARACTER DETAILS:

NAME: Benjy Fenwick

AGE: 19 | September 18, 1962

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Cis-Male, Him/Him, Heterosexual. 

Benjy is very comfortable with his sexuality and isn’t afraid to be friends with people who are not heterosexual. In fact, a majority of his friendships are with people who are discovering their sexuality or already identify as LGBTQ. With a gay father, he sometimes considers himself “knowing” and forgets that his experience is very privileged. Just because he’s accepting and aware doesn’t mean he truly gets it and, being young, that’s sometimes hard to remember.

BLOOD STATUS: Half-Blood

HOUSE ALUMNI: Ravenclaw

ANY CHANGES: Even though I wrote the bio and the FC originally, the more I solidified Benjy in my mind, some of the things I originally wrote ended up needing to be changed. For instance, I would like to change my FC to Nick Robinson. As I got to know Benjy, I realized that KJ’s expressions and resources didn’t really fit the mold I’d created with this portrayal. Also, I think it might be important to change the “he’s the newest member” thing in the second part of the bio, as he is no longer the newest member - just started that way when the roleplay began. I would also like to change the Caradoc connection up a bit - I will include it below under “relationships.”

CHARACTER BACKGROUND:

PERSONALITY: 

The first thing many people notice about Benjy Fenwick is his energy. He is very talkative and likeable in the sense he’ll not only talk to someone, he wants them to talk back. He’s a good listener, even if he doesn’t always look like it. With that energy needing to go somewhere, it’s not always easy for him to sit still (something that the healers were frustrated by during his recovery) and often will be found moving around or doing something with his hands. This can be offensive to those people he’s supposed to be listening to - but he does keep his ears open, even if his eyes aren’t concentrated.

He likely has a mild case of undiagnosed ADHD - which sometimes shows up in the form of struggling to stay focused and hyperactivity. This happens, typically, with those things he cares less about. He could talk for hours about Quidditch without needing a break (or used to, anyway, it hurts a bit more now that he’s on the outside of the sport) and even the art of healing has become important enough to him to have much of his attention. The program at St. Mungo’s is harder for Benjy, given his need for extra support that wouldn’t be given in the Wizarding World, but he manages to stay afloat, even if he’s not at the top of the program.

Benjy is accepting and loving, but sometimes has the complex that he doesn’t really have to do much soul-searching - or doesn’t really have to grow. In modern terms, Benjy thinks himself to be “woke” without realizing that his naivety means he still has a lot of self-awareness left to find. Just because he sees an experience doesn’t mean he knows that experience - and he might need someone to force him to take a step back and really look. 

Currently, he’s in a bit of an identity-crisis. For years, Quidditch had been his focus. It had been his life. He chose healing, not because of passion, but because of a lack of other things he could think of. When Quidditch ended, the hospital visits began and the healing program sort of fell into his lap. He is learning to find a love for healing, but it hasn’t fully developed yet. 

Benjy is curious and creative. There is a reason he was sorted into Ravenclaw - and it isn’t the stereotypical “booksmart.” He learned that Ravenclaws often have an open-mindedness about them that allows for thought in different ways. While he’s not very artistic, his creativity comes in the ability to think outside the box and look at things from a new perspective. This helped him with his Quidditch skills and it could help within the Order, too. 

He doesn’t always come off as though he truly cares, however. Because he picks and chooses what to really put his heart into, sometimes he might seem indifferent to others’ suffering or what they have to say. He’s got a bit of that British-polite in him and doesn’t always stick up for what’s right without someone backing him up. For this, he is a follower. He was pulled into the Order by Dorcas - and doesn’t really do much within the organization without someone telling him what to do. He might get radical at times, but that’s only because Dorcas is telling him to be. He’s a Yes Man in that way and often struggles to make his own decisions. Without her pressure, he likely wouldn’t be in the Order right now and just safely hiding under the radar as a “normal” half-blood.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY: 

(Once again, this isn’t brief and it’s about his whole life, not just family WHOOPS!)

Benjy was seven years old when his father, Jaison, came out as homosexual. Benjy’s mother, Maeve, had been mildly shocked for a bit before praising her husband for his true acceptance of self. They promptly divorced, but remained friendly and shared custody of their two children. Benjy’s sister, Haley, was too young to ever remember a time where their parents were together - so the situation of co-parenting and blended family structure had always been her normal.

For Benjy, it was a bit tougher. He was confused by the fact that Daddy and Mummy weren’t together anymore, but still spent time together. He questioned a bit about love in the capacity a child could. Until he met Lucas. His dad had taken months with Lucas before feeling comfortable enough to introduce his kids, but Benjy learned a bit about love watching his father with his boyfriend. Eventually, Lucas became a staple in the Fenwicks’ life, moving in with Jaison despite their inability to get married.

What won Benjy over about Lucas was Quidditch. While Maeve worked for the Department of Magical Games and Sports, it wasn’t until Lucas entered his life that Benjy actually got to go see a Quidditch match. They would go to as many as they could, buying food from the stances and watching the players fly high into the air, shooting the Quaffle or knocking the bludger or catching the snitch.

He learned to fly early. With his mum at one home and his step-dad at the other, Benjy always had someone to practice with. He grew to love the position of Keeper best. The idea that he was in charge of surveying the entire pitch - that he was the final defense against the opposition and the goal - was exhilarating. He lived and breathed the sport and, by the time he went to Hogwarts, he had his life planned out.

Ravenclaw was surprising until he met some friends and learned the house was about creativity along with intelligence. It helped with his game. Benjy didn’t need a crystal ball to tell him his future: he would get on the team his second year, he’d be promoted to captain by fifth year, get scouted during seventh, preferably by the Falmouth Falcons.

But then a bludger hit towards him by the Gryffindor team’s beater, which caused Benjy to roll the wrong way - he’d practiced the Zelig Flip a thousand times, but he’d positioned his hand a bit too much to the left and slipped. The fall from such an incredible height should’ve killed him - he was lucky, they said. You should be dead, they said. And Benjy wanted to shout but a life without Quidditch is death! 

Perhaps the worst thing of all - besides the injuries and healers and learning to put weight on his leg again - was that the Falcon scout had been there. He wouldn’t play again - he couldn’t play again. And the person he most wanted to impress witnessed it all.

He was back at Hogwarts by the time N.E.W.T.s rolled around, but spent the better part of the year between St. Mungo’s and the school. It was because of this he recklessly - and without much thought - applied to the healing program at the hospital. He got in, accepted, and mourned the loss of who he was supposed to have been. Perhaps Dorcas recognized his identity-crisis because he barely thought about it before agreeing to join the Order with her. Searching for something to fight for again.

OCCUPATION: Healer-In-Training at St. Mungo’s. 

Benjy applied for the healing program upon graduation because he just didn’t know what else to do. It had never been a real passion for him - but the idea of Quidditch was over and he’d been spending so much time at the hospital lately that he went for it. His N.E.W.T.s were just good enough to get him accepted. Looking back, it’s actually a good fit for him. It’s always different day-to-day, which keeps his interest, and learning all the new healing techniques quells his curious streak.

Currently, he’s still in year one of the two-to-three year program.Recently, he began the portion of the training that involves rotations, where he gets to spend some time in each of the wards of St. Mungos. During his third year, he will have to declare a speciality, but he has no clue what that will be. Right now, his favorite bits of healing have to do with the Order and working with Emmeline. 

ROLE WITHIN THE ORDER/THOUGHTS ABOUT THE ORDER: 

Benjy is a lower level member who joined the Order in September 1981, through Dorcas Meadowes’ pushiness encouragement. At the time, he was the newest member and knew little about the organization. As the months have passed and they’ve failed missions and lost members (most notably, one of Benjy’s idols, James Potter), he’s learned to grow more and more passionate about the cause.

He typically stays back during missions, both to help with healing given his qualifications, but also because he just physically can’t do all the dueling. His leg injury makes him slower and the slight tremors in his wand hand can be controlled in moments of healing, but not necessarily high-energy duels.

He believes in the Order, but isn’t overtly vocal about it. Given his nature as a Yes Man, he is known to nod and agree and go ohhh, so that’s how it is depending on whichever person is “explaining” things to him. This makes him fairly susceptible to manipulation - and often spouts Dorcas’ words rather than making his own opinion on the matter.

SURVIVAL: 

Benjy survives through his “normalcy.” He’s not rich, but he’s not poor. He’s not loud, but he’s not quiet, either. He’s a half-blood from a few generations back; nothing really special about it all. Had he become famous like he anticipated, the spotlight might be on him more. But, as it is, no one really cares much about the could’ve beens of the world. 

He lives with his mum in his childhood home, in his childhood room, and is more than ready to get the fuck outta there! It might be easier to sneak away if his sister wasn’t off at Hogwarts, but all his parents are worried about their son that nearly died. Since the fall, they’ve had eyes on him more than they might’ve had things panned out differently for him. Once allowing him to be fairly independent, now his mum wants to know where he’s going at night - and, whenever he’s at his dad’s, he has two sets of eyes watching over him. It’s rather exhausting making up lies or avoiding the question with the teenage-angst shout of I’m of-age now, Mum!

Still, he’s mostly under the radar and, if any of his parents suspect anything, no one has mentioned it to Benjy. He knows what they’d say if they do find out about the Order, however; they’d want him to stop. Maybe in the beginning, he would’ve listened. Now, especially with James’ death, he’s in too deep. And he likes that.

RELATIONSHIPS:

Dorcas Meadowes. Having been friends since their Hogwarts days, Benjy listens to her maybe more than anyone else. He’s very much the “Yes Man” when it comes to Dorcas - he joined the Order for her, helped with the creation of the Phoenix symbol before the explosion of the Atrium, and is willing to do more destruction for her. Benjy thinks of Dorcas as his best friend, though in truth, she might just be using him. He’s blind to it, whatever it is, and he’s bound to get himself hurt following in her footsteps.

Emma Vanity. A newer friend, but closer than most of the ones Benjy used to have in school (which mainly consisted of the Quidditch team and a few outliers, like Dorcas) these days. While the rest of his friends have moved on to other things not regarding the war, Emma found her way in it. She doesn’t need to fight - she’s a pretty, rich, pureblood, after all! - and Benjy admires that she is. 

Emmeline Vance. What started out as an odd pairing (seasoned, weary war healer and over-eager trainee with a limp) has become something really special. Benjy values Emmeline’s guidance more than any of the other “adults” (he’s an adult too, but different sort of adult!) in the Order. She’s sensible and level headed and nothing seems to shake her. She’s taught him more in battlefield healing than he learned in his first 6 months of healer training and he respects her. She might get a bit annoyed with all his antics, but he can make her smile! He knows she’s fond of him!

Caradoc Dearborn. Benjy judged Caradoc too harshly at first - a product of finding the Marauders so cool and knowing that at least half of them didn’t enjoy Caradoc’s presence. Once he learned that Dearborn did, in fact, play Quidditch in school - and once he actually talked to Caradoc - the tides have changed. They’re not close friends, but he’s not as much of a stick-in-the-mud as Benjy thought. 

(This is the connection I’d like to change, please!!)

Sirius Black. He’s very cool. Benjy bought a leather jacket because he saw Sirius wearing one, but then felt like an idiot, so it’s never been worn outside his own bedroom (and he’s sure Dorcas will make fun of him, if she ever sees it!). Benjy knows he’ll never be as effortlessly awesome as Sirius Black - the bloke always looks rather careless and that’s just so killer, man! - but he likes taking tips anyway. Maybe he’ll get a girlfriend if he’s more like Sirius. Now that James has died, the easy, cool bloke from before is shifting to something darker and that’s scary. Benjy doesn’t want to get rid of his old idol, but he also doesn’t want to die for Sirius. 

Dedalus Diggle. It might be calling the kettle black, but Diggle sort of annoys Benjy. He talks a lot - tinkers a lot - messes with things. And maybe that’s just Benjy seeing himself in Dedalus, but two people who are this energetic together can sometimes be a bit of an explosion.

Daisy Hookum. Benjy doesn’t know Daisy well at all. She was years ahead of him in school and was off on some Muggle retreat when Benjy joined the Order but, now that she’s back, he’s interested in some of the things she learned over there. Especially the Muggle sporting! 

Remus Lupin. Just before the disastrous event at the party, Remus was outed as a werewolf. Benjy never really got to know the bloke - he, too, was on some mission when Benjy joined up - but now he’s almost afraid of him. Benjy himself doesn’t realize that’s internalized prejudice coming into play… but he doesn’t want to become a werewolf!

Severus Snape. Benjy doesn’t know how to feel about Severus Snape. It’s clear that Sirius hates him, but Dorcas loves him. Those are two people who could really sway Benjy over to their side if he doesn’t quickly form his own opinion. Severus doesn’t really seem to care about Benjy, though, so it’s not really a priority. But if Severus does want people on his side in the Order, Benjy could be an easy target for loyalty. 

Isla Selwyn-Macmillan. She actually played Quidditch professionally for years - Benjy has old magazines with her picture in it! He’s a bit too afraid to ask her about her experience on the major league pitch, however - not just because he’s a bit starstruck, but also because it hurts to talk about what he might’ve been able to have, too. He doesn’t realize it wasn’t Isla’s choice to leave the sport, however. If he were to find out, they might be more kindred spirits than anyone would think.

OOC EXPLORATION:

SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS: Benjy/Chemistry. Since I made him straight explicitly for the goal of providing that “oh so woke, but not exactly” cis, white, straight dude, any ships would have to be heterosexual. But I’m open for whatever within that realm!

WHAT PRIVILEGES AND BIASES DOES YOUR CHARACTER HAVE?

Benjy is right down the middle of privilege, meaning he doesn’t really get the perks of being a pureblood, but doesn’t get the prejudice of being a muggleborn. He’s a halfblood, white, cis-male wizard. His family grew up fairly middle class and, while his parents are divorced, they managed to stay friendly and Benjy never had to go through the trauma of feeling as though he had to choose.

With accepting parents, one of which is gay, Benjy has grown up learning about the importance of tolerance and acceptance. Because of this, he believes he’s (in modern terms) “woke.” However, there is still internalized prejudice in all of us. While he would never dare to utter the word mudblood and would scoff at someone who does, he still might look at a talented muggleborn with a bit of wow, look at that! as though it were surprising they could be just that good. He also wouldn’t fight the person using the word Mudblood. He would likely tell him it’s not cool, but forgive and move on easily. Not realizing that it wouldn’t be his place to forgive. It’s not his story to tell.

While he doesn’t hold the rhetoric of all werewolves are bad and all house-elves should be servants and other things along those lines, he inadvertently acts on it without knowing. It’s very naive -- “You mean werewolves don’t have canine teeth and claws in their human form?!” and “But don’t they like not getting paid?!” -- but Benjy is willing to listen and grow. He just sometimes forgets he still has room to grow because he generally does try to be accepting to all people and creatures. He also doesn’t always care enough to seek out more information because he doesn’t really think he needs it -- it doesn’t affect him. And that’s privilege. 

Being a straight bloke with a gay dad and a lot of LGBTQ friendships, he really thinks he understands sexuality. And maybe he gets some of it, but he doesn’t really “get it.” It’s not his experience. He’s also very confused about bisexuality, which makes sense given the timing of the world as well. What he saw in his life shaped his understanding of sexuality - his dad presented straight until he accepted his sexuality and then he was gay. Benjy gets that, but struggles to understand that there are sexualities in-between the two. For instance, Emma and Dorcas -- if they get together, he’d assume that means they’re lesbians, despite sexuality not being so clear cut as that. Once again, it doesn’t come with malicious intent or the desire to erase anyone… it’s just naivety. People need to teach him because he’s willing to learn. 

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? It’s the roleplay I created and I love how amazing it’s become. It’s honestly a bit eerily relevant to our life right now and I’d like to explore that with a different character than Regulus. Benjy more closely resembles James, but he’s still his own and he has a story to tell.

PLOT DROP IDEAS: All chalked out, sorry! All my ideas are already in the process through admin stuff. I’d love the chaos trio to fuck some shit up together, but that’s all I’ve got! 

ANYTHING ELSE? I’m not sure where else to discuss Benjy’s injuries, so I’ll just do it here. When he fell from his broom, he landed on his left side, which also happens to be his dominant side (he’s left-handed in both writing and wand). He walks with a limp all the time - it will likely never go away. For a while, he was forced to use a cane, especially during the healing process, but hasn’t needed that since prior to graduation. If he pushes himself too hard, there’s the possibility he may need that again, but he likely would just rest on those days more than bringing out the old cane full of unwanted reminders. His wand arm’s muscles had torn in the fall and, despite the ability to put them back together through magic, there are some lasting effects. He sometimes has tremors, especially if having a wand raised for long periods of time. Typically, this can be remedied with some techniques taught to him by the healers, but in extreme cases, he needs to put the wand down for an hour or so. This is most difficult when he’s in the middle of healing, otherwise it doesn’t get in the way much. 

[whatsthepointofphilosophy]

I Don’t Care

“The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.” 

Elie Wiesel 

The world is full of political arguments. Philosophers love a good argument, so they’ll rush in where regular citizens fear to tread. However, all over the civilised world, citizens are becoming more and more disinclined to engage with their governments. They’re rejecting the normal machinery of government in favour of apolitical mavericks whose outlaw glamour appears to blind their electorate to the fact that they have no idea what they’re doing, or worse, who are actively trying to dismantle the democratic institutions that form the scaffolding for our civilisation. 

The essence of democracy isn’t majority rule, as many believe, but that every citizen should have some say or influence over the decisions which will affect him, and there should be an effort made to take account of the needs of the more vulnerable sections of society.

There is an argument to be made that in a representative democracy, parliamentary elections may not be the best vehicle for this influence. There are still a variety of methods ordinary citizens can use to influence governmental policies, but they require the sort of time, effort and resources that most people just don’t have after putting in eight hours at some job they have no passion for.

Single-issue local activist groups (such as whoever’s pushing for clean water in Flint, MI) and professional advocacy groups (such as Amnesty International) can have a far greater influence over national politics than an election. They are particularly effective in constituencies with low voter turnouts.

“The smaller the voter pool becomes, the more weight a single vote carries and the easier it becomes for an active, partisan minority to determine an election’s outcome. Thus, highly-polarized politicians come to represent a moderate constituency.” - U.S. Common Sense

Elections and legislative government employees are there to respond to the needs of the population, and nothing lights a fire under them like a bunch of people getting together and making noise. There is surely something going on in your community that you feel could do with some attention: maybe the health service, the education system. Why not find out who’s trying to do something about it locally (even without the direct involvement of elected politicians) and join up?

Political Apathy Translator

The next time you hear anyone say of these things, you’ll know what they’re really saying:

“I have no interest in politics” = I have decided to ignore all discussions about the decisions that affect me.

“Both sides are as bad as each other” = I have found a way to be proud of my intellectual laziness.

“I don’t want to make a fuss” = The current political situation aligns with my interests. 

“Don’t politicise X” = I have no intention of ever dealing with X in any serious way.

“I can’t take sides in this” = the current political situation is not negatively affecting me.

“If they moderated their tone, maybe I’d be more open” = I don’t want to engage with their argument.

“The facts speak for themselves” = I’ve already decided which facts I like, and I have no interest in listening to any others.

“All politicians are the same” = I cannot emphasise how little effort I have put into this opinion.

“I wish everyone would just stop talking about it” - I am in favour of retaining a status quo which has zero negative effects on me.

“Now is not the time to discuss X” = I will never want to discuss X.

“It’s not what you’re saying, it’s the way you’re saying it” = It’s what you’re saying.

Tell Me How To Vote

This is a philosophy blog. I can’t tell you how to vote. 

However, I can recommend that you look for candidates who display a concern for everyone, and not just the political / social group they happen to be in, who want to encourage a society that respects everyone’s religion (or lack thereof), race and gender, and who listen to people.

Basically, look for candidates who lead with kindness and courage rather than fear and hatred, and who provide a positive vision of the future based on unity and cooperation. 

Because we’ve all seen the alternative, and it’s not good. 

[ardenttheories]

Can I have a Prince of Mind and a Knight of Mind? Thanks

Prince of Mind

The Prince of Mind is someone who Destroys Mind, which is Rationality, Decisions, Thoughts, a lack of Bias, Indifference, the Outer Self and every Potential. 

Princes of Mind are Passionate Players with a lot of Love to give. They Feel everything strongly, likely to a degree that isn’t exceptionally healthy, and don’t give a second thought to their Impulsive actions. They are true Romantics at heart, and likely believe there’s One True Love out there for them - regardless of that person’s actual feelings towards them. 

They follow their Heart above all else, letting their Passions and Desires overwhelm everything they do. It doesn’t matter if it isn’t Logical, if it won’t work, or if the idea itself is horrifically stupid; the Prince of Mind will charge in headfirst, with a sort of “you can’t tell me what to do!” mentality. They’re stubborn bastards, to put it simply, and once their heart is set on something there’s really no stopping them. 

Princes of Mind struggle with keeping their own Biases out of things. Every choice they make and everything they do is based heavily on what they Feel and what they Think, and there is no neutral ground for them. If they hate something, then it’s wrong; if they love it, then it’s right, and no amount of trying to convince them otherwise will work. 

This can easily set them against people; the Prince of Mind is very unlikely to realise when someone is lying to or using them if they trust that person indefinitely. They’re just as unlikely to realise that their friends are trying to help them by exposing that person’s flaws, and may become irate and angry at the mere concept that their Super Best Friend is a bad person. 

In line with that, they also can’t remain Indifference. They always have an opinion on things, they always take sides, and if you disagree with them then you’re the Enemy. They might take that literally depending on how Passionate they are and how involved they are in the subject in question. They’re very black and white like this, and they can even go down the “you’re either with me or against me” route over something minor if they are Emotionally attached to it. 

They may tend to react to things in an over-the-top way. I’d say they really do feel these things, but that some of the emphasis of it might be an act. The fact of the matter is that they just can’t stop themselves from Feeling, from getting Attached, from getting Involved, and they can suffer greatly for it. They’re bleeding hearts and wear their hearts on their sleeves, and it’s just right there, out in the open, for anyone to prey upon. 

Of course, this can get silly. If you break their favourite mug, by accident or not, they’ll hate you forever. If they watch a sad scene on TV, they’ll be sobbing over it for days. If something good happens, they’ll get so happy they might start physicaly bouncing/vibrating, all big beaming smiles. Honestly, you can read them like a damn book. They just don’t hide anything. 

The full brunt of their Emotions can also encapsulate the full brunt of Love. I’m not sure they’d be 100% yandere, but they might get close; they could fully convince themself that this one person is who they’re meant to be with, and get jealous if they show romantic feelings with anyone else. They might get legitimately upset if the person they Love pulls away or seems put off by them, and might not even realise how strongly they’re coming on. 

They might want to spend every moment with them, might feel so fightfully wonderful with them that they try to chase that feeling as much as possible, might think about them at every moment. It wouldn’t matter if that person didn’t love them back; they’d still think that they were meant to be, somehow. 

They wouldn’t get violent - not unless the person really broke their heart, or if they were rejected and then their crush got immediately with someone else/revealled that they’d been dating someone the entire time - but they might have a sort of “I’m their true love, I just have to wait for them to see it” mentality about it. 

What this means, of course, is that Logic doesn’t motivate them. They’re not logical beings, and I would say to some degree that they might also just be a little… stupid? That they just can’t comprehend a lot of things and therefore don’t even try, which might be something they’re horrifically embarrassed over. Pointing out flaws in their own Logic will probably prompt an enraged response as a result. 

They might also be “mindless” - a little flighty, a little forgetful, a little absent. They don’t have plans for the future, instead living day to day because why even bother figuring things out that far in advance? They’re more than likely to change their mind by that point - or already have done several times. 

There’s no Logic behind what they do; they just do it. There’s no Logic that they’ll listen to, because they honestly don’t care about it. Plans won’t vibe by them if, at the time, they think something else needs to be done. Telling them what to do will backfire horrendously. If they even tried to plan something, it’d look scatterbrained and almost incomprehensible, especially compared to the more complex plans of other Mind Players. 

If this all seems very one-sided and internal, then it is! Princes of Mind ghost Heart as their natural opposite, and Heart is a very internal thing. A lot of what they do is based solely around themself, and they have the potential to be incredibly narcassistic as a result. 

Because they’re not a true Heart player, they might not always consider other people or their Feelings when it comes certain events. E.g. if the Prince wants something, it doesn’t matter if someone else needs it - the Prince’s want trumps the need. 

In Destroying Mind, then, the Prince leaves only Heart behind, whole and untempered. This may seem wonderful in some ways, but can be genuinely horrific in others. 

The Prince has the ability to completely Destroy a Player’s Mind. They can crush every Logical thought, every plan, every ounce if Rationality from their brain. 

They can Destroy the ability for someone to remain Indifferent or Apathetic. While this can be put to good use - someone that had no interest in the session or in being a team Player would suddenly have the motivation they need to create a successful session - it could also be terrifying. 

Someone who uses Apathy as a way to cope with trauma would no longer have that crutch. They’d have to face the full brunt of everything they’ve repressed, without any sort of help or guidance. A character that was Apathetic in a good way - such as someone who’d never picked sides but may have been swayed to the enemy side - would no longer be able to stay out of anything. 

They’d expose the full brunt of Emotion to a Player. This could be controlled if they were really trying to focus in on it; they could Destroy just enough Logic to expose a person’s deepest Fears and Doubts so that enemies wouldn’t be able to attack, or to stop someone (e.g. Vriska) from going out on their own and putting everyone in danger. 

If they didn’t, however, then… they could destroy every boundary between a person’s Emotions. Players might start acting out of place, laughing when they should be crying, being too-happy or too-sad at any given time. They might be unable to control their Desires and become greedy, outright attacking other Players in order to get their hands on anything they want. Cycles of revenge would literally never end. 

They can Destroy a person’s Options and the Outcomes that would come as a result. Someone could pick a thousand different Options, but still come out with the same Outcome - e.g. someone could go through ten cartons of different flavour juices, and yet all of them taste like orange - or they could just be completely unable to pick an Option that isn’t what the Prince wants. 

This can be great, naturally. If a Player (Vriska) is going to go out and do something dumb, then the Prince can just take that Option away. They can outright Destroy any potential for that Option or Outcome to even be. 

What this can be, of course, is that a Prince of Mind may Destroy something vital when you combine this with their general lack of Logic. They might not even know that something like Godtiering exists, and thus the Option for it just… never happens. People would be completely obscured from understanding what the Quest Beds are for. 

If the Prince did know about it, then their destruction of Logic could completely break the game. They’d ruin the Logic behind Quest Beds, the basic functionality of them, and cause some wild and whacky things to happen during the Godtiering process. For instance, Players might wake up on their Lands instead of Skaia, or might wake up on another Player’s Land, or might wake up in someone else’s body. Anything would be possible if the Prince destroyed the Logic surrounding it enough. 

Of course that means they can flat out Destroy Logic, too. This thing is Logical and makes sense? No it’s not, it doesn’t, and you now can’t understand a fucking word of it. Logically the sun must rise if we see it set, right? Nope. Then how does it work? … You don’t know. 

Which is great for enemy encounters! Imagine them not understanding how swords worked, or what the pointy thing on the end is for, or why it hurts when you poke it too much - or just not even understanding why they’re fighting at all. Might as well just… go home. But it can have the same effect on their own Players if they’re not careful. 

Princes of Mind can also Destroy a person’s facade, their Outer Self. This can be a good thing in some situations. They can expose enemies for what they truly are, and can force especially stubborn Players out of hiding. They can frequently reveal who the “one pulling the strings” is, and can probably even cause voice changers or text colour changers to stop working.

But it can have drastic consequences, too. 

Destroying the facade of a Player who isn’t ready yet - such as a Knight - would expose everything they are, everything they’ve ever been, to the world. It’d be like stripping Dave of his cool guy persona and all we see beneath is this traumatised kid who panics every time he hears metal on metal, and can’t go anywhere near his Land as a result. This would cripple his development, and set him back so, so far. 

They can essentially Destroy every front a person holds up and reveal the raw essence of who they are - which might be a really good way to force someone to attain the Ultimate Self, or might just cause that person to come crumbling down under the weight of their own Soul. Or, it might make the Black Queen realise that she is a mother, and her children are dying, and she’s got no idea why she’s continuing this stupid fucking war. 

With all of that said, how does a Prince of Mind become realised? 

It’ll be a very hard process, and one that most Princes struggle with (if not fail outright). They have to accept everything that Mind is - the Logic, the Rationality, the Options, the Outcomes, the Indifference and Apathy, the facades - and recognise that sometimes these things are okay. 

They have to learn not to focus just on themselves and to be a team player, to recognise when their wants and Desires are going to actively cause harm. They need to recognise when they’re going over the top, when Emotions won’t be helpful and when plans have to be followed, when Impulsivity will ruin everything they touch. 

They need to attempt to make plans, or at least to follow through with those that are made for them. Not all the time, naturally, and they’ll quickly be able to tell when an Impulsive or gut action is necessary/acceptable (such as charging before the signal is given because an unaccounted for threat appeared). 

While I don’t think they’d ever make a facade, per se, they’d definitely get a wrangle in their own emotions. They’d still feel them as strongly as before, but be able to Rationalise them; “this event makes me feel angry, but I know it was an accident, and I just need to take a step away to calm down”. They’d recognise their own limits and work with them much better, but they’d still let themselves feel if that was the best course of action.

They’d also likely still be brutally honest, but they’d know when things need to be left alone, when they need to be Indifferent, when someone needs to be Apathetic. It’d be hard - they still Feel strongly and think it’s best to get Emotions out rather than keep them in - but they’ll come to terms with the idea that people cope in their own ways, and that some things just need to be left alone. 

They might even learn to lose their Bias. They’d pay more attention to Logical and Rational thought, and would make a genuine effort to take it all in. They might not be master strategists, but they’ll at least be able to understand how and why a plan works, and follow along with it. They’ll also be much better at recognising when the Greater Good has to be accounted for, and will take a step back from drama if they realise they’re being too biased for/against something.

In other words, they’d just chill out a little, as most Princes do. They’ll still be highly Emotionak, but not over-the-top; they’d still have Biases, but they wouldn’t let it overwhelm them; they’d still act on Impulse, but recognise when they have to listen and stick to plans, too. 

Knight of Mind

I’ve done a full True/Realised/Failed analysis right here for Knight of Mind!

To add some more basic understanding, though, a Knight of Mind is one who Protects/Exploits Mind, which is Rationality, Decisions, Thoughts, a lack of Bias, Indifference, the Outer Self and every Potential. 

A Knight of Mind is one who can Exploit Plans and find their weakspots, often because they know exactly how to make that plan fall apart. They have a fairly good grasp on what most people will Think when a situation is provided, what Options they’ll choose in response, and thus they become brilliant strategists. 

For instance, if a group of Imps are charging towards them, the Knight of Mind can Exploit every single move the Imps are going to make - carefully but purposefully directing them to act or move in ways that will lead to the Outcome the Knight most desires. 

They can do the same thing to their friends, too; if they know a friend is more likely to go somewhere they need to be because of X motivation, they’ll ensure that motivation is used. Something as simple as exploiting the fact that a friend is more likely to listen to one person over another, or that they’ll follow after a random leaf and be distracted from something that might have killed them, comes under this territory.

Essentially, they can Exploit the very basics of a person’s thought processes. If you see a Very Big Rock rolling towards you, you’re going to run. If they know that one Player WON’T run, because they’re an idiot and will try to Fight The Rock, then they can do twofold:

1) They can Exploit that stubbornness for later in the session when they’ll need to make sure someone doesn’t run away or will stubbornly fight 

2) They’ll make sure that specific Player avoids being in that situation to begin with so they don’t Die By Rock - or will Exploit it by ensuring that Player dies and can then be taken to their Quest Bed for Godtiering (especially if they likely would have refused to Godtier under normal circumstances).

On top of that, they can Exploit Rationality by just… talking. Which sounds pretty lame, in a way, but they’re the most likely to be able to talk someone out of something by using Logic. It wouldn’t matter how long it takes, because the Knight can Exploit the Player’s Biases and Logic to get them to come around at the end. E.g. “I know you hate working with x but if you go with them, you’ll be able to show them up and prove to them that they’re wrong about what they think about you, right? And you might not care what they think but you’re trying to befriend/flirt with their BFF, so you’ll be able to influence what the BFF thinks about you”. 

On the other hand, they could also Exploit Rationality to make something else seem Very Logical even when it’s not - which is a good way to divert Bad Player Attention away from the main Plan of the session. For instance, misinformation. They could easily make anyone believe something by just taking it out of context or putting it in a Logical framework that appelas to the Player in question.

Exploiting Mind can also be taken literally. It’s a bit more watery, but they can Exploit the literal Mind of a Player or thing, essentially having a very light form of mind control. It isn’t much, but I could see it working a little like the Narrative Prompts do - that so long as the person isn’t aware that their thoughts/suggestions are coming from the Knight, then they’ll go along with them without fail. 

Of course, a lot of this would be to Protect Mind. So, in some ways, maybe controlling people like this will protect the integrity of their Thoughts, or will protect an overarching Plan that the Knight is desperately trying to put in place. Maybe it’ll stop a brainwashing event from happening, or maybe the Knight can break such brainwashing with their own form of it. 

In some instances, if someone is brainwashed, the Knight could Exploit that to their benefit by using the person’s actions as a way to figure out what the brainwasher is trying to do ahead of time. They’d not be able to tell who or what is doing it, but checking the brainwashee’s motivations/goals while brainwashed would be a good way of figuring it out. 

E.g. Latula could have been able to tell that Kurloz was controlling Meulin using Chucklevoodoos. Not because she could see it, but because she’d eventually pick up that Meulin is doing things that are for the Messiahs, and she really only knows of one clown in their session. 

I think they could even go so far as to Protect things like Sanity and a person’s Options. They can Exploit it, too, and they probably would (if, for instance, Gamzee’s Rage was necessary for a specific event), but I think they’d be more for protecting the Sanity of their Players, since Sanity is a very fickle thing that could easily get out of hand. Options less so, thankfully, and they’re probably very good at nudging people towards certain Options or using the Outcome from an Option to their advantage. 

Knights will always have that facade up that protects them from everything and everyone, and this is much more prominent with the Knight of Mind. They are determined to keep their own Mind safe, and refuse to let people see who they really are. They might even go through several different facades, layers upon layers to hide their deepest Inner Self. They just need to let this go. Let people in, let them see who they are, and be okay with that.

Hiding for too long will make the Knight indecisive and they’ll very quickly lose their way. 

[yunohawkeye]

“Lightening the Fire”

I've been playing SLBP a lot lately and found out that there were almost no stories for my little Yoshichi~

So I decided to write some myself.

Warning: N//SFW

Word count: 2506

The relationship between Yoshichi and MC was just freshly established, but nonetheless had a strong bond connecting them. Being a fugitive from Iga made life hard enough for her, yet the brown haired boy helped her to see the light again.

Of course people like Kenshin and everyone else in the castle helped her, but Yoshichi always had that little something which drew her to him.

Maybe he wasn't the best fighter, or the smartest among them, but he was the most compassionate and had a positive attitude which never seemed to falter.

Everyone was happy for them and even Kanetsugu was really content, knowing his little brother found someone who accepted him, as dorky as he was.

Even though he would never admit it he took over some of Yoshichi’s work so he was able to spend time with MC.

And of course there were many remarks and teasingly suggestive comments from Kageie. During dinner, while passing him in the hallway, or just when he was near them.

Knowing that everyone in the castle supported them they became comfortable with each other in almost no time. This made them that overly cute and affectionate couple. The kind to never let go of the others hand unless unavoidable, and giving little pecks and forehead kisses every time they parted.

But lately that changed. Even those innocent touches lit a fire between both of them.

Whenever they touched the other an unknown heat lingered at the spot which caused them to blush even more around each other.

Those kisses on the forehead lasted longer and longer. Both not wanting to let go of the comforting warmth coming with it, the quick pecks turned into passionate kisses from time to time.

This tension didn't go unnoticed by their friends and they, at least Kenshin, decided to act.

It started like every other feast they held. In the beginning MC would help out the maids with serving food and drinks while the other residents gathered and engaged in conversation, leaving one seat free for her. Kanetsugu was absent due to some problem that arose.

Today it was between Yoshichi and Kenshin, who was sitting treacherous close to his friend, leaving almost no space.

The moment MC sat down she was constantly exposed to the feeling of every move of the two men sitting next to her.

Every time Yoshichi or MC moved they sent little shock waves through each others body, leaving a mischievous grin on Kenshins lips.

Even Kageie who was sitting on the other side of the room knew what was going on.

Not being able to contain a comment he spoke up, “Your little display has been rather amusing for the time being but maybe it's time to actually bed each other, don't 'cha think?”

“K-Kakki! Y-you can't just-...”, Yoshichi's face was burning a very deep shade of red while MC just tried to hide her own reddened cheeks behind her hands.

With laughter in his voice Kenshin suggested, “I can make sure that nobody will interrupt you or come near your hallway. You just need to tell me in which room you're going to.”

While he calmly took a sip from his sake Yoshichi was still trying to form a proper sentence, “W-wha-? W-why? I... just... I-I mean... It doesn't sound that b-bad...”

Completely surprised by that statement MC's head snapped up again with a shrill, “What?!”

The moment she realized her outburst she went an even deeper shade of red and mumbled inaudibly, “I mean... I'm not really opposed to that.”

His grin just spreading wider Kenshin continued, “Then it's settled. Nobody will interrupt your fun.”

Every pair of eyes was directed their way as Yoshichi hesitantly took MCs hand in his, “This isn't really the way I though it would go, but... I guess I sometimes need a little push... I'm sorry that I brought you into this uncomfortable situation...”

“I... I know what you mean... but do you maybe want to speak in private?” still a little bit ashamed of all the attention and inwardly cursing this get-together of dorks for being to loveable to actually hate them, MC looked Yoshichi in the eyes with a silent plea in them.

With a little nod he stood up and walked out of the room with her hand in his, crossing Kanetsugu on the way outside who just eyed them with curiosity.

The moment they were out of earshot he asked the huddle with a questioning look on his face, “What's this all about? Any why were those two so red in their faces?”

After some moments of silence Kageie spoke up with an indifferent sounding voice, “Well, nothing that exciting. Just your little brother loosing his virginity.”

In the meantime Yoshichi and MC were sitting awkwardly opposite each other on Yoshichi's futon avoiding each others gaze while simultaneously trying to calm down.

The moon shone through the window and was bright enough to serve as the only source of light illuminating the room in a dim light.

After what felt like ages MC decided to awkwardly speak up, “So... Are... Are we gonna do it?”

With a crack in his voice Yoshichi answered trying to keep his gaze focused on the little dishevelled blanket of the futon and not on the little bit exposed skin on MCs cleavage, “I- uh... I mean... Yes... No!.. I mean... If-if you want to I guess we could...”

Clearing her throat she answered, “I-I do... actually...” “T-Then... is it ok if I-?”, he finished his sentence with a combined glance and gesture towards her which she just answered with a nod.

The moment his hands cupped both of her cheeks both leaned in and let their lips touch. At first it was just simple contact but after some moments MC was getting impatient and pushed herself against his form while nibbling at his lip which enticed a moan to escape his mouth shooting a wave of heat straight to her arousal.

Inspired to hear more of that beautiful sound she took the opportunity to stick her tongue inside his mouth and explore every bit of it while letting her hands sneak under his kimono to roam over his chest.

While doing that she pushed slightly forward causing Yoshichi to lean back and support himself by holding himself up with his elbows.

Still not parting their lips she started to loosen his kimono bit by bit so his chest was mostly exposed by now.

She took her time touching every inch of him which caused him to squirm and moan under her.

Due to the lack of air they parted and looked in each others eyes with so much admiration while panting heavily.

Wasting no time MC leaned down again and went straight to his neck as she started to lick and kiss their way around it.

“Th-this... I-I should be doing tha-ah!”, interrupting his sentence with a bite on his shoulder she leaned up to his ear and whispered seductively, “You'll get your turn but right now I want to see you a quivering and whimpering mess under me.”

The moment that words left her mouth she licked his ear shell, encircling another sweet moan from him before she continued with her work on his neck.

Slowly she started to undo his kimono, him now being completely topless. As she sat up straight again she was greeted by one of the sweetest sights in her life. Her lover looking up at her with such admiration and affection she could burst of happiness. The blush and his heavy panting just strengthening her arousal all the more as she decided to take it further.

MC leaned down and kissed his belly causing him to suck in his breath while she felt his muscles tense beneath her. Liking the reaction she got she continued by starting to lick around his bellybutton making him twitch and continued to do so until her desire was sated.

Indicating him to lay down completely to which he complied without complaints she straddled him, feeling his excitements through his pants. Trying to find a comfortable position she shifted around causing Yoshichi to let out those sweet moans she learned to love in such a short time, “Y-you're too -ah... cruel...”

Faking innocence MC looked at him questioningly while shifting again, brushing against his erection again, “I don't know what you're talking about.”

Letting out a rather loud moan Yoshichi gritted his teeth, trying to remember Kageie's advice to keep his cool whatever happens.

MC on the other hand was trying to push him to his limits, letting him know how much she wanted him to keep that feeling of ecstasy in mind whenever he thought of her.

Lying down again she was directed straight to his lips again, entrancing him in a heated kiss again while shifting her weight on her knees.

Now with her rear in the air she let her hand slide down Yoshichis body under his pants as she started stroking him.

Not being able to contain the feeling of her hand around him he had to break the kiss and started panting and moaning.

MC took the opportunity to attack his neck again with kisses, licks and bites while her other hand worked on getting off his pants completely.

After a while she felt him twitch lightly in her hand and at that moment she stopped stroking him and sat up again, making him groan in displeasure, “P-please, MC. I-I'm almost there... I-I can't-”

Silencing him with a finger on his lips MC answered in a calm tone, “Shh. Just one moment.”

The moment Yoshichi looked her in the eyes again she was almost completely undressed and looked him in the eyes daringly, “I would like us to come together, if you don't mind.”

“O-of course not! I-I'll do anything to make you feel as good as you made me feel!”, he answered with a kind of determination in his voice that made a pleasant shiver run down MC's back.

She leaned down again and gave him a quick peck on the lips before whispering just a few inches from his face, “I'm going to try something, okay? If you don't feel comfortable you can tell me, all right?”

With an approving sound Yoshichi nodded. He'd do anything for her.

He eyed MC as she moved herself up so her core was right above his face where she hesitated for a moment, “You know... if you don't wa-ah!”

Feeling a rush of confidence Yoshichi took the opportunity, grasped her thighs in his hands and moving his head up to meet with her core, licking the slit from top to bottom.

The surprised moan he got from her was worth all of his courage as he continued to explore everything with his tongue.

MC on the other hand wasn't able to think straight with all the pleasure she was receiving and she sure wasn't expecting her lover to be that bold all of a sudden. But she didn't mind it, not at all.

His ministrations weren't slacking off the slightest, having the motivation to make her feel at least as good as she made him feel even made him speed up rather than slowing down with time, coaxing all those enchanting sounds out of her.

He wasn't experienced, MC knew that, but he seemed to be naturally talented to find all of her sensitive spots and grazing her clit just the way to give her enough pleasure.

If it were up to Yoshichi he would have continued until she was completely spent but before he was able to get her to her high she got up, separating his mouth from her core.

Even if every fiber of his being was screaming to grasp her again and make her feel good he fought against that urge, waiting what she had planned next for him.

She lowered herself again until she was eye to eye with him again, kissing him fervently.

As they separated again she looked him directly in his eyes, “You ready?”

With nothing but utter admiration and love in his gaze Yoshichi nodded as his hands laid themselves on her hips to support her.

MC took his member in one hand and aligned it with her entrance before lowering herself down, panting as she felt the tip of his still pulsing member inside of her, enticing a moan out of both of them.

After a short time of adjusting she lowered herself farther, feeling Yoshichi's fingers grip harder at her hips as he closed his eyes. The feeling of her walls clenching around him as she adjusted herself to him made him almost come immediately and it took him all of his willpower not to do so.

The moment she took all of him inside of her she took some moments to get adjusted to the feeling while both tried to get their breathing under control and steadying herself with her hands on his chest.

After some time MC spoke up again, “You ready?”

As she stared into Yoshichi's eyes again she was met with sheer determination in his eyes, “Ready as I'll ever be.”

With a smirk on her lips she first started to move slowly until she was bobbing up and down his shaft.

The moans filling the room were enchanting for both of them. Just the knowledge that they were the one making the other feel so good that they produced those beautiful sounds was dazzling.

Due to the former ministrations on both sides their orgasms were building rather quickly and soon they were both just panting messes clinging to each other, seeking their release.

Not long after the pleasure building up inside of them was almost unbearable on both sides but neither of them stopped until the other was satisfied which was the case just a few moments later.

MC hit her high first, making her walls clench around Yoshichi's member even more than was already the case, being the power to help him finding his own release right after her.

They both were panting messes clinging to each other until their breathing slowed down again and even then they stayed in that position for a little bit longer.

After what felt link hours to them Yoshichi slid out of her and laid her down beside him on his futon as he joined her under the covers while slinging his arms around her.

She copied him and they stayed cuddled up for a little bit longer, none of them being able to believe they just did that.

Just before they fell asleep out of exhaustion Yoshichi whispered softly, “I love you so, so much.”

MC shifted in the embrace, pecked him on the lips before answering, “I love you, too.”

After an exchange of a loving gaze they shared a soft kiss before getting comfortable again to sleep.

Just before Yoshichi fell asleep he heard MC's voice, “We're never gonna hear the end of this from Kageie.”

[harmonic-psyche]

The Finalysis: @askgiegueandcrew

Hey y’all! Here is my first post in The Finalysis. Below, I analyze the personalities of 26 characters from @askgiegueandcrew and @bunchofaliens​, in alphabetical order. Here are a few summary charts:

“Holy heck there’s a lot of characters right now.” -M

Without further ado, here are my explanations for why I put those characters where I did — and why I excluded the characters that I did.

Bala: Probably ESFP.

“Rather over the top and exaggerated,” Kalpana’s husband “has a more serious side, too, but it's very hard to get him to show it.” Being extra indicates extraversion and a high Feeling function, since if it was lower then he would not be so open with his emotions. A lack of seriousness is most common in E__P types. A love of explosions often comes from Se’s visceral love of intense sensory experience, and boy does he love explosions. His only line in the @askgiegueandcrew​ narrative is “I’m going to blast all this out of the way!” (not counting his one line on @bunchofaliens​ discussing his family tree) with a scarily huge wide-eyed grin to match.

Captain Deepsea ("Malarky"): Seems like an INFJ.

Despite being funkiest disco-loving robot in the solar system, Captain Deepsea comes across as more of a wise father figure than a wild partier. He is "very, very patient" and warmhearted towards his crew. This kindness combines with his curiosity to produce an unusual amount of leniency. Contrast the rigid, strict rule enforcement of the predominantly ISTJ gieeg and Starman leadership — particularly as displayed by Alum, Giegue, and Henry Killjoy. Unlike any other Starman Army leader save Niiue, "the word most folks would use to describe Deepsea" is "[e]ccentric." Malarky's voice carries a tone of "calm authority," and he gains respect from his subordinates not by explicitly demanding it but earning it implicitly through socialization, as one would expect from a Fe rather than Te user. He keeps his cape for sentimental reasons, again implying F over T. While not obvious, Ni seems implicit in his love of learning and his humor style of playing with language. For the latter, consider his in-game speech to Alin and co: "I knew you'd come after the *whirr* Apple ... [but] if you fell me, more take my place ... So how do you like them apples?"

I am not entirely confident calling Malarky Ni-dominant, though, because he “Likes following orders,” rarely questions them, and fully swallowed Giegue's Kool-Aid (e.g. when he said in CogDis that "the might of the Transcendent One is approaching infinity itself"). I would have expected that, at some point, the gieegs' orders would conflict with an INFJ's idealism (contrast Istic, Hahu, and Harod). The Captain seems chill about everything, whereas an INFJ often has Very Lofty and Serious Ideals. Still, Malarky does not seem to show Fi's fiery individualism, Ti's blunt lack of social tact, Si's rigid standards, or Se's impulsivity in his dominant function. I could see him as a high Ne-user, but even ignoring his obedience, that would imply either high Ti or high Fi. INFJ it is, I guess.

Crazy-Eyes: No clue.

The only things that I know about this mysterious character are that 1) they have crazy eyes, 2) Origen thinks they are "very talented," and 3) they dislike anons bursting into their lab. At this point, I cannot even venture a guess.

Emmet: Probably ESFJ, maybe ISFJ.

Despite being a fairly simple "music dork" who only wants to play his guitar, I found Emmet difficult to figure out. At first I considered him an introvert because he is generally passive and indifferent, letting things happen to him without much agency. But even though Vivek thinks that Emmet is a jerk, Emmet shows dominant Fe. Showing affection to random anons is no problem for him.

More importantly, he is loyal to his friends (Fe) and then to authority (Si) in that order. When helping the protagonists steal an Apple piece from Giegue, he thought primarily about how it would make his friends feel. While he called Col. Saturn "real great" for "explainin' all this stuff to me" because it "[m]akes it feel a lot less like I’m breakin’ too many rules!," he felt bad about disappointing Malars. Despite his treason, Emmet is very obedient. He betrayed Giegue only because his friends asked. Afterwards, Emmet had no problem deciding to turn himself in. Even though losing his guitar devastated him, he still prioritized completing his work. When asked by Harod, he did not even understand the concept of questioning authority. These show high Si, and thus ESFJ.

Euclid: Seems like an ESFJ, maybe ENFP.

An enthusiastically creative, determined kid with a goal-oriented mindset, a positive attitude, and a lot of respect for authority figures. Positivity and enthusiasm support E_F_. Determination and respect for authority support high Si. While his occasional randomness and righteously indignant sass make ENFP also seem likely — especially since he does not seem to care about being messy — his strong work-related principles imply strong Si. I considered that an ENFJ typing could reconcile those traits, but they still seem Ne/Si and I have seen no evidence of Ni or Se. I do not think I have seen enough of Euclid to type him precisely.

Giegue: Definitely ISTJ.

See his and Niiue's analysis via @cogdisblogging​, or his (revised-ish) analysis via Starmen.NET, for details.

Giselle: Seems like an ESFP, maybe ESTP.

"No number of yesterdays are more important than today. That's where you gotta focus." This “short description” of Giselle shows Se’s focus on living in the present, without planning for the future or dwelling on the past. Her “occupation” is a “Sled Expert and Life Enjoyer” and she is “[a]lways looking for excitement and fun things to do,” showing that she prioritizes new experiences (Se) and happiness (Fi) over practical matters (Te) or long-term goals (Ni). As is most common for E_F_ types, her “personality” is “[b]right and chipper!” and she “talks fast ... like a hurricane.” The latter shows how, in contrast to I__J types, she takes life at a fast pace. Inferior Ni is evident not only in her ignorance of long term goals, but in that she “dislikes ... books” and wants “noooo, no, no reading.” Her “bad habits” include “[p]ushing on ahead no matter what without stopping to think about things,” again showing that the long-term planning function Ni is inferior. Her “sworn enemy” is “[s]ocietal constraints,” showing Se’s love of freedom and Fi’s prioritization of personal passion over politeness and social norms.

I found no posts about Giselle on Tumblr, so I based my conclusion entirely on her Charahub. Since I have not seen any dialogue or social interactions including her, I cannot claim much confidence in assigning her a personality type even though the Charahub description strongly indicates Se-dominance. She could also potentially be an ESTP: although I have seen no evidence of Ti, I have seen nothing to rule it out either.

Kalpana: Probably ESFJ.

The loving mother of Vivek and Mips, Kalpana tries to help others and take care of their needs. "She tries to be very positive and loves to help out[;] is outgoing among small groups, but closes up a lot in crowds[; and] is rather dreamy." Fe-dominants disproportionately radiate positivity and love to help others. It is somewhat surprising that she closes up in crowds and is rather dreamy, as those would be more expected for an I, N, and/or P type. Still, her "patience level" is "[v]ery high with everyone who isn't Malik or Nila," so in other words, she automatically extends patience to everyone who is not rude. That shows dominant Fe because of the expectation of reciprocal kindness in social behavior. The "deadly sin that best represents" her is "wrath," which would be difficult to explain in an I_FJ. The "most important person in [her] life" is "everyone in her family," which coheres well with SFJs' tendency to value family more than other types. 

Working as a "spiritual healer/housewife" shows her Fe-based desire to nurture. She seems to have a penchant for giving gifts to others, which demonstrates the wide-ranging generosity of dominant Fe. In Niiue's mind, her manifestation asked if he'd had enough to eat, showing that she is a Mom Friend even to others besides her children. She is still very strong-willed and can be very blunt, as shown by her badass/sassy response to Porky and repulsion to Malik, making an I_F_ type unlikely. Together, these imply ESFJ.

Keter: Seems like an INFP.

Similar to her brother Euclid, but less likely to take initiative and more likely to enjoy solitary activities like reading. I thought she was ISFJ at first, but she does not seem to show the typical ISFJ nervousness — at least as much as someone like Mips. She is also much more of a daydreamer than most Si-dominants. Her hopeless-romantic attitude supports an INFP typing, as does the possibly Ne-based randomness she shares with her brother. Like her brother, I have not seen enough of her to be sure.

Koru: No clue.

I have found no information about her personality, including on her Charahub page and the two posts that she appeared in on @askgiegueandcrew.

Lilac: No clue.

I have not seen enough content to guess Ano’s and Ore’s mother’s type. While her Charahub calls her “[v]ery, very bitter and very, very troubled” and notes that she “can seem very threatening when she wants to be,” these are insufficient for me to hazard a decent guess — especially since the latter is probably situational: “She was put under house arrest because she wouldn't help the government convince her mate to cooperate.” Her demeanor sounds like it might be an INTJ’s, but I have only stereotypes to use there.

Lochan: Probably an ISTP.

"Spooks' perpetually grumpy dad" has precisely the opposite attitude as his daughter: where she is eternally upbeat and optimistic, Lochan "comes off as really grumpy and really ill-tempered." A grumpy attitude often implies I_T_, since introverts are less likely to enjoy social interaction and Thinkers are less likely to care about appearing friendly. As another factor explaining his grumpiness, "he just isn't the best at showing how he feels about others," showing inferior Fe. The "most appropriate TV Trope(s)" to describe him include "[s]our outside sad inside" and "Silly rabbit idealism is for kids," again showing the lack of Fe's warmth and idealism. I_T_ types are probably most likely to frequently call others idiots, as he evidently does.

Lochan's "bad habits" include "[t]alking without thinking things through," showing Se's impulsivity. When asked his age, he dismissed the question as irrelevant, showing the STP impatience for the impractical. The hair-trigger argumentative temper evident in his "strong opinions" and tendency to yell about them also indicates Se rather than Ne (compare Zarbol and contrast Ano), since ESTPs often become angry in arguments whereas ENTPs simply like to troll. If he had high Ne, he would probably show mischievous (contrast Ano and Static) or eccentric (contrast Niiue and Origen) behavior, but he shows neither.

Loris: Seems like an INFP.

This “standard blue starman” is “[f]airly straight forward,” but “can get a bit too curious and nosy about things” and is. A bit. Gullible.” Curiosity is most common in high Ne-users, and NF types are often gullible because they lack ST-types’ realistic (S) skepticism (T). Loris’s “patience” is “high,” unlike high Se-users. The limited dialogue that Loris gives shows the same kind of eccentric strangeness as Origen (INTP): “[T]his one is a wobblebot, look at it go! Wobble wobble, wobble wobble!” As a “Wide-eyed Idealist,” Loris lacks the cynicism one would expect from an I_T_ type. His “bad habits” include “[w]andering after his friends,” often right behind them: “[L]oris is really annoying and follows his friends around places,” showing a lack of the social awareness that one would expect from a high Fe-user.

Manjula ("Jula"): Probably ENFJ, maybe ESFJ.

This “too precious” child practically radiates dominant Fe. Blatantly kind, caring, “full of love,” and empathetic, she generally tries to help everyone. Friendship is one of her strongest values. Her voice is "[s]oft and kind," and conveys sincere interest in others. She has a special talent for "[o]rganizing groups together and encouraging teamwork." Manjula is a "responsible child who has a good amount of bravery and intuition about getting others to work together well," which shows Fe-dominance because auxiliary Fe would be much more passive. Frankly, if she is not Fe-dominant, I will eat a hat. Perhaps Manjula and Iso should have a fight to the death to see who better exemplifies the wholesome sweetness of dominant Fe, if either could ever be convinced to fight.

I am less sure that Manjula has Ni instead of Si, but her dialogue often seems to carry Ni's undertone of wisdom beyond her years.

Max: No clue.

I have not seen enough content to make a guess. I only know that he "do[es] not want to fight" and that he was scrapped, but those say little about his personality type.

Mips: Definitely ISFJ.

Cute nervous cinnamon roll who likes to take things slowly instead of acting on impulse. His reclusive tendencies show introversion. Likewise, his politeness, sensitivity, and desire to help others too much show high Fe. When asked, Mips was happy to share a long list of people he loves and the whole thing is adorably cheesy, showing his eagerness to openly discuss feelings. For Mips and many other Si-users, security entails comfort and vice versa: one of the reasons he loves Larice is that the Starman "makes me feel like I have a solid foundation to stand on" (compare Ambrosios). Conversely, he is known as a "scaredy mook" who struggles with paranoia and distrusting others due to inferior Ne. The inferior function is usually not trusted, and Ne holds many possibilities at once, so Mips fears the possibilities he sees.

Speaking of Mips the "scaredy mook," this actually happened (as of 2018-06-11):

I think that speaks for itself.

Nik: Probably ESFJ, maybe ENFP.

This "very up-beat and chatty" mook is "[p]retty social and ready to talk," showing extraversion and a high Feeling function. Love is "really important and not somethin' to give up on" to Nik, showing the sappy emotional idealism of Fe-dominance. His "bad habits" include "[b]eing too stuck in his ways" and "not hearing new points of view." Similarly, his "pet peeves" include "[h]aving his beliefs challenged." Both show the stubbornness of an immature high-Si-user, unwilling to consider alternative possibilities through Ne. Nik's "personal problem" of "not wanting to give up on the past" also shows high Si, since Si often focuses on the past. While Nik has a "chaotic good" alignment and is a "ditz," which would cohere better with an ENFP typing than ESFJ, typing based on alignments is often unreliable. Plus, it is far easier to imagine a ditzy ESFJ than an ideologically stubborn ENFP stuck in their ways who refuses to give up on the past.

Nila: Almost certainly ISTP.

"The goddamn doctor around here" is a grumpalumpagus like Malik — reclusive, practical, and tough, among other ISTP qualities. She has no patience, is best represented by the deadly sin of Sloth, and has personal problems with "being too apathetic at times" and consequently lacking motivation. In other words, she is almost certainly not a Si- or Te-dominant. Her tone with others tends to be very blunt and gruff, making her "not all that pleasant to deal with," and she dislikes impractical socialization. All of those show inferior Fe. After healing Ambrosios, for example, she told him to "git, get up, you're fine now ... 'n learn to use your healin' and life-up PSI, you're a mook, dammit." When Iso asked to become her apprentice, Nila asked the butterfly to "Tell me why this won’t be a waste of my time," and Nila has (endearingly, I think hope) referred to Saral the ISFJ as a "nice and borin'" "idiot" and a "git." Insensitive apathy implies high Ti, and her down-to-earth straightforwardness implies that she is not an INTP.

Behind her demeanor, though, Nila seems to be unusually driven by Fe. Her inferior Fe motivates her career as a healer. Apparently she even gives others therapy to help heal minds as well as bodies. She makes a nice contrast with Iso the ENFJ, and each helps the other with their weaknesses: unlike Nila, Iso is uncomfortable dealing with gore, but on the other hand, Iso has used her social skills to help compensate for Nila's lack thereof.

Origanum Vulgare ("Ore"): Almost certainly ISTJ.

Ore is a HUGE nerd and somewhat of an ISTJ stereotype, although a different kind than Alum. Emotional expression, or emotional anything, is not his strong suit. Friendship is a foreign concept to Ore. Due to his dominant Si, Ore has been highly obedient since his childhood. He obsesses over the details and minutia of his special interest — plants — to the exclusion of everything else, storing it all in memory. As Euclid eloquently put it, flowers "are one of his reasons for being." Intensive memory for concrete details is a hallmark of high Si. Not only does he consider endlessly studying mooks fun, but he considers it "illogical" to receive appreciation when he has yet to publish his research findings. Regarding mooks, academic study is even how he expresses romantic feelings unless that Elmadan x Ore fic is non-canon, in which case lol whoops.

I also consider INTP a serious possibility due to his occasional problem of forgetting that the outside world exists. However, an INTP typing cannot explain his obedience ("It's like he can do no wrong or something"), his intensive focus on one concrete subject, his "addiction [to] work," or his diametric contrast with Ano — and with Static, for that matter. He may show the "absentminded professor" stereotype common to INTPs, but he is not the same type as Origen.

Origen: Definitely INTP.

See full analysis for details.

Pelly: Almost certainly ESFJ.

This happy gieeg's expressive optimism, desire to help others, high patience level, and Lawful Good alignment exemplify dominant Fe. Her unwavering loyalty to her friends, family, and superiors shows strong Si. She felt angriest when people try to bully her brother or Alum, and hates bullies in general, which shows Fe's desire to protect others and Si's family loyalty. One might expect her protective instincts to impede her profession as a soldier, but she copes by reminding herself that she does everything to help her loved ones and "[tries] to keep my morals, even on the battlefield." After all, she believes that "[y]ou can kill without being a bully." If not for that belief, the cognitive dissonance between her moral feelings and her duty as a soldier would probably tear her apart.

Pia: Definitely ISFJ.

Pia's absolute loyalty and obedience to the orders of his "master(s)," to the extent that he is very frequently called a loyal dog as a joke, display dominant Si. When told that extreme obedience might cause his death, he said, "That's...ok." Like Pelly's, his unwaveringly compassionate and protective behavior — especially towards children — shows high Fe. The contrast between Pia's Fe and Giegue's Te is evident in that Pia thinks they are friends but Giegue does not (but for the record, Pia is probably right). Pia's inability to understand metaphors, puns, colloquialisms, or abstractions in general shows inferior Ne combined with low intelligence. A less intelligent person with high Ne may understand abstraction but not understand reality (contrast Patrick Star the INTP). Pia is a stereotypical ISFJ in almost every way, except that he is not (usually, with exceptions) visibly nervous (at least compared to e.g. Mips).

Pimpinella Anisum ("Ano"): Definitely ENTP.

See full analysis for details. Also, I really should have included this gem in her analysis: "Personality: Wow, what a bitch."

Rigby: Probably ESTP.

This shady character “has the kind of voice you instinctively don't want to trust,” perhaps because he exudes sketchiness and is the kind of salesman who is a bit too eager. The contrast between outer friendliness and salesmanlike insincerity is especially common among E_TPs, who use their Fe to project a friendly demeanor despite that it rarely gives them altruistic motivations (compare Ariana). Rigby’s technical skills (”He's actually really good with gadgets and inventing”) and love of “tinkering” show that he loves working with concrete yet logical systems due to Ti (compare Ayjo and Malik). Specifically, he loves “making explosives” since Se’s craving for sensory intensity makes him viscerally love fire (compare Bala and Zicca).

Like many STPs and few SJs, he “dislikes ... the law” because it imposes seemingly arbitrary rules on his freedom, making him willing to conduct (despite his insistence otherwise) legally dubious sales. Similarly, he would probably rather not “get married, ... have kids, [or] raise a family.” The aversion to commitment shows low Feeling and no Si. Rigby even shows the characteristic crude and slang-filled Se-dominant speaking style (compare Boson and Juice). While it may be dangerous to assume that only Se-dominants use it, so far that heuristic has seemed fairly reliable.

Saral: Definitely ISFJ.

See full analysis for details.

Sprita ("Spooks"): Definitely ENFP.

Above all, Spooks is "excitable and cheerful!" This "Wide-eyed Idealist" with a "Sunny sunflower disposition" has a "bright and bubbly" voice, and the element which best represents her is "sunshine." Her excessively friendly demeanor shows extraversion and Feeling, while her playful spontaneity points to Ne or Se dominance. Her romanticism suggests _NF_. When asked about how to biologically classify mooks, she replied, "I like thinkin[g that] we're like works of art, beautiful and unique!" which is one of the most violently ENFP sentences that I have ever read. It upheld romantic, happy idealism while notably providing zero concrete scientific details. Spooks is also known as "the Supreme Ribbon Noodle" because she wears cute ribbons and gives others cute ribbons and is a cute ribbon. She constantly calls stuff "cute," but maybe she is merely projecting. After all, she is "very determined" to be adorable, and her determination is obviously paying off (EEEEEEE, she’s so cute!). Like certain other ENFPs that I could mention, Spooks is a Motor Mouth who excitedly "goes on and on" and doesn't shut up while talking —especially about feelings, since she "is here to talk about feelings." Unlike Beams, Spooks fully embraces that she is Delightfully Squooshy. Spooks is basically the same as ViHart, another ENFP.

Tonic: Probably INFJ, maybe ISFJ.

This small friend "is mild-mannered, but determined," and a "bit withdrawn around strangers, but she warms up to others after a bit." Like Yi, the contrast between her warmth and her reclusive shyness shows introversion and auxiliary Fe. A mild-mannered attitude generally indicates I_F_, as does a "[s]oft and sweet" voice. " "She stays as positive as she can," showing the optimism of high Fe. The idea of killing someone repulses her, even Elmadan when he shut down Bowfest. Ni-dominance makes her "seem very reliable" and “determined” with a "[h]igh" patience level. Yet Ni also gives her the "personal problem" that she "isn't outgoing and doesn't know how to reach out and get what she wants on her own." Ni generally takes things slowly, avoiding impulsive action. Fe prefers to act polite instead of blunt to maintain social harmony. Both make it difficult to act assertively and take social risks. When nervous, she "pretend[s] she isn't in the ship and just go[es] quiet," since as an introvert she generally feels more comfortable out of the spotlight. Then, she lets her extravert brother do the talking — although she sometimes discourages that when the conversation enters, ah, unwholesome territory. When talking to Iso, Tonic is very flattering and encouraging, almost like a tonic to the nerves — GEDDIT???

ISFJ is also a possibility, since Si could also explain her shyness and determination. However, she shows no signs of low Ne's nervousness (contrast her brother, as well as Flux and Mips). I though INFJ unlikely because she lacks some grand vision, but when Elmadan cancelled Bowfest, she decided to lead the resistance. It may not be as obvious or overarching as e.g. Harod's or Penini's dream to explore the stars, but still shows a strong-willed resistance to existing authority which is less likely in a Si-dominant.

Yi: Probably ISFJ, maybe INFJ.

Very polite, well-meaning, and cultured, Yi exemplifies the well-developed tact of auxiliary Fe. Despite his genuine friendliness — in that he likes hugs and "gets along well with most everyone" — he is "just not a terribly social person," showing the paradoxical combination of high Fe warmth and introverted reclusiveness. Politeness is so second nature to him that he even let enemies rest at a hotel before fighting them.

For a long time I considered Yi an INFJ, reasoning first that Ni-dominance explains his fascination with Earth culture and second that inferior Se explains his detachment from physical reality and indecisiveness. Strong Se-users are generally much more aware and decisive (contrast Yi with Ly, Zarbol, or Zicca), after all. However, Yi's detachment and indecisiveness can be explained reasonably well with an ISFJ typing too. Yi's main interest (guns) is more detail-oriented than I would usually expect from an INFJ, although Harod's gembloom interest is notably similar. Si explains other parts of his personality slightly better than Ni as well, e.g. that his “hobbies” include “[o]rganizing things.” Also, while INFJs and ISFJs both care for others, Yi tries to attend to Zannie’s immediate practical needs, which NFJs (like Zannie) often accidentally ignore.

My most significant reasons to call Yi an ISFJ instead of INFJ are his lack of righteous indignation (e.g. at the gieegs' regime) and his lack of a lofty idealized vision or dream (contrast Harod, Istic, and Penini). If I saw his righteous indignation or lofty vision, then I would consider INFJ probable, but he gets up early and "appreciates getting a good night's sleep" and i can't relate so therefore he can't be my type. /jk 

Alright, that was my first Finalysis post! :D I hope that y’all enjoyed it. The charts are far messier than I intended, but I figured that they looked better that way than if I had tried to stuff six ESFJs into a single box on a traditional MBTI chart while leaving three boxes empty. While this post includes about a third of the total characters in my Finalysis so far, I intend to make one of these for every RP/ask blog with CogDis-related characters  — so if you have one, then stay tuned!

[jasondean]

i'm sending you the first thing i thought of when i tried to think of an ask to send you. so. here's this cursed thing. heathersstuck.

ohhh my god okay first of all im gonna preemptively apologize for how long this is about to be. 

another disclaimer that this is all gonna be based on my knowledge of the alternia that we see in homestuck itself because i havent gotten super into hiveswap yet. and, as we all know, any good homestuck au is one where the contending canon is thrust into the homestuck universe as opposed to the other way around. so im gonna spare everyone the painful ideation of plucking a small handful from the VAST homestuck cast just to put them into the plot of heathers

im ALSO gonna preface that im thinking about the heathers film while writing this, not the musical. and im not gonna go into anything regarding martha, betty, kurt, or ram because i think focusing on the main cast is enough for right now lol. 

anyway, potential positions in the blood caste system as well as god tier assignments under the cut!  

so ive definitely thought about this on several occasions and ive seen some heatherstuck content where the heathers are trolls right. the thing is, the color symbolism from both media dont line up. and the heathers being drawn to keep their original colors just doesnt work out with the hemospectrum. like no way is heather chandler a red blood or mutant blood (imo itd make sense for jd to have mutant blood). the heathers being red, yellow, and green blooded would just make them a group of lowbloods and that doesnt fit with the power structure depicted in either canon. 

heather chandler would absolutely have fuchsia blood! i couldnt imagine it any other way. duke could maybe get away with being jade blooded because thatd put her in the midblood range but also what does that leave for mcnamara? i dont really have a good answer for that right now but - 

the heathers themselves aside, veronica would actually be pretty well suited for being some kind of blueblood (teal or cerulean maybe?) veronica being blue blooded would put her in a position of enough privilege to be taken under chandlers wing but also not privileged enough to naturally be at the top. 

jd would probably be rust or mutant blooded. but its also fun to consider: purple blood? since those in that blood class are more susceptible to becoming more ..unhinged. however, i personally favor rust or mutant blooded since i am partial to reds and it would help play into his hatred of society.

trolls or not though theyd all be destined for something right? so im gonna move onto potential god tiers. 

now this is where my laptop cut out so most of the classpect analyses themselves come with help fom http://dahniwitchoflight.tumblr.com

im imagining veronica as a rogue of space. first of all, space players are CRUCIAL to a session as one of the cardinal aspects (space & time making up the fabric of paradox space). its been said by calliope that space can be a passive aspect that holds great power, “hosting the stage before suddenly in some way ‘showing who the master truly is’” and then collapsing in on itself. space players are essential to sessions because it falls on them to light the forge which is necessary for the process of ultimate alchemy (creating the next universe) - and that aside, the idea of veronica collecting and breeding frogs is incredibly cute to me. 

“Those bound to the aspect of Space are, as the name suggests, concerned with the big picture. They are patient, masters of the art of ‘wait-and-see’, and are inclined to take things as they come. That isn’t to say that they’re pushovers or willing to let injustice lie-they just choose their battles wisely, understanding that sometimes you have to let something burn to the ground in order to build it back better and stronger than before. To this effect, they tend to be innovators, concerned with creation and redemption. Catch them recycling the old to make the new, the fresh, and the beautiful. For the Space-bound, the journey is as, if not more, important than the destination; how they do something is as important as what they do. At their best, they are steady, impartial, and creative. At their worst, they can be detached, apathetic, and vague.”    – this description of space players comes from the extended zodiac quiz itself 

rogues invite theft through their aspect or theft of their aspect. they have problems coping with their aspect or their supposed lack of it, they think that they cant handle it which causes them to give it up too easily. the challenge rogues face is to come to terms with their aspect and own it. 

heres a bit on rogues of space specifically: “They might have a tendency to quickly change the subject into others things or cover their interests up to distract from what they perceive to be their failed creations. They may feel uncomfortable with the thought that everything is random and meaningless in the universe, or that it is what you make of it, because they often think they don’t know what to make of it. They may feel lonely at times and feel like they have too much Space to themselves, wanting to fill it up with other people and things. They might lower their standards to the point that they give up their personal Space to someone not worthy enough, just so they won’t feel alone.On the flip side they might feel like they have too much stuff, maybe because they invite others to use up their Space, giving it away too readily, lamenting their lack of impatience with others, or the ability to say no to people. […] a Rogue’s challenge is to learn to be comfortable with their Aspect, and allow the healthy parts of it to enter their lives. They must learn to be okay with what they have right now, that they have it within themselves to change things and make them better. They don’t have to give up so easily.”

jd seems like hed obviously be a prince of doom and this feels self explanatory but. princes are described as being stubborn and pessimistic and they actively destroy using their class / destroy through their class. a princes challenge is to not end up destroying themselves along the way. doom aspect because not only does it pretty much encompass chaos, but the symbol (and the aspect itself has been speculated to be) pretty clearly draws from The Tumor which is. a giant fucking bomb essentially. another fun tidbit about doom players is that they are DEATH MAGNETS they die a LOT and its theorized that for this reason sburb has a sort of game mechanic in place to help balance that out by granting doom players multiple dream selves. i just think itd be really fun to see a sburb session where jd (maybe) cant be kept down by dying. doom is also associated with judgement and sacrifice, and have been said to be “fates chosen sufferers.” “doom players are wise, kind, and non judgmental at their best and bitter, resentful, and fatalistic at their worst.” 

and while i definitely think the doom class is fitting for jd im stuck between prince and bard? bards are the embodiment of the “wild card”. they allow destruction through their aspect / invite destruction through their aspect and their challenge is to not be ruled by the whims of their aspect. and im just now thinking that while this does make sense in its own way, princes and bards are active / passive opposites and i cant really imagine jd being the more laid back of the two. hes just too extra, lol. although i love the idea of jd being in that ridiculous bard getup 

heres some insight to princes of doom: “A Prince of Doom unapologetically pushes people way past their own limits. They are truly passionate, even almost crazy activists. They hate being told no or that they can’t do something, but are more likely to simply destroy or kill the person who said no then prove them otherwise. Depending on what kind of situation or session they find themselves in, and whether or not what they do is really needed at the moment, they can be heaven sent saviors, freeing people from what binds them, or terrifying dictators, ruling over people and enforcing their will wherever they want, letting nothing and no one limit what they do. […] They likely use Bombs and Fire as their main weapons. They have a lot of potential to go down a very destructive or even evil path if they use their powers irresponsibly, but not every Prince of Doom is automatically evil or will Doom their session.“

heather chandler i can definitely see being a witch of rage. witches manipulate using their aspect or manipulate their aspect directly and their challenge is to use their rule breaking powers in a morally conscious way. 

heres some info about witches of rage: “You don’t tell a Witch of Rage anything, they tell you. Anything you have to say they can Reject with Doubt, Negativity and Skepticism and be like ‘No you’re wrong, it’s actually this way.’ They manipulate fear, mistrust and anger, either lowering it or making you believe it’s not all that bad, even if it is. Or they can amplify it, making you paranoid and afraid of even mundane things. […] They can be ‘loose cannons’ and this can be good or bad, depending on how good you are on getting them on your side and keeping them there. Their entire moral challenge lies in the choice between using their powers on their allies or their enemies, like most witches.”  

heather duke would likely be a maid of mind. a maid creates with their aspect / creates their aspect, and a maids challenge is to rely on themself for their aspect. this absolutely isnt to say that duke cannot think for herself at the beginning of the story by any means.

here’s a bit about maids of mind: “At first they tend to defer to the decisions of the group rather than be a part of them and are more focused on watching and waiting and seeing how other people make decisions. […] When a Maid of Mind starts rising to their challenge, they start deciding for themselves what roles they need to play and when. […] They may just have an apathetic and indifferent personality in general. They start letting their thoughts and decision be known and have an effect instead of just referring to others and blending in.” 

and finally heather mcnamara would probably be a page of heart. (i had a hard time coming up with a god tier for her since, if im being honest, shes not a character i pay much attention to.) pages invite exploitation of their aspect / invite exploitation through their aspect. they start with a deficit in their aspect that they overcome through (obvious) overcompensation. their challenge is to keep at things, even if they fail or the journey is slow, to become stronger in the end. 

bit about pages of heart: “They can be very over dramatic in their emotional displays, blowing up every little thing completely out of proportion and giving disproportionate emotional responses to almost everything. […] They can be easily exploited through all of this by other people who either take advantage of the Page’s emotions and empathy, or take advantage of the Page’s obsessions and desires, using it against them. […] When they rise up to their challenge, they start learning to be more balanced and sincere with their emotions, their affections, and with themselves. They learn how to be passionate, sincere and truly honest with themselves and others.”

and all of this is just SOME of the possibilities of what could happen in a homestuck heathers au. would they all be in the same session? would they all be trolls? would the heathers & veronica be in their own session and jd be in his own session that ends up intertwining together? theres literally SO MANY possibilities when it comes to homestuck aus and i love that shit. 

now that ive spent so much time speculating all this its time to deposit myself directly into the dumpster 

[wxnnabe]

nyaa-llo, here i come with a predictable stand request ⭐ can i please get some headcanons involving the newest member of bruno's group (a quiet and very reserved kind of person) possesing an incredibly affectionate and very touchy stand ?? the user isn't lacking in repect or fondness for the rest of the group, but they usually keep to themselves so it's their stand that expresses their positive feelings towards the others when they cannot (*´ｪ｀*) thank you and best of luck with your blog !!

Ooh, this sounds nice!  Sorry this turned out SO LONG. And thank you! Everyone has been so kind to me thank you all ahaha (I couldn’t put Trish in this time, but if I find time I might add her in too because I love her) 

-The new member had a rough start to the gang-no one really has a easy introduction to the group considering the context in which they find themselves grouped in with people who were all more than capable of killing you without a seconds notice-but the near-death experiences shared in a few particularly pear-shaped missions and their quiet and non-invasive personality helps (and hinders) how each of the members perceive them, especially once they are introduced to their stand. 

-They have, at the least, given Bruno a breath of fresh air. The rest of the group, save for Abbachio, Giorno, and, if not provoked, Fugo, can get quite rowdy and their loud personalities tend to grate at everyone at times, which causes petty arguments between the group and more headaches Bruno could live without.So being able to be in a room with them in silence can prove to be peaceful, if not a little bit awkward. He will try to keep light conversation with them in times like these, but he often feels like he is hinging on their privacy and leaves them be. So when he returns from a mission to see their stand opening its arms to give him a welcome back hug he is surprised, to say the least; he manages to accept the hug but will turn to the new member for an explanation. When they explain that their stand is quite a bit affectionate, and usually does the talking for them, he won’t mind them letting their stand out around him-it takes a while to get used to a stand being so affectionate with him when it’s user is quite the opposite, but he eventually, while having pleasant conversations with their stand, who it seems could talk forever despite being monitored by its user, the new member slowly opens up and chats a bit more. (though not as much as their stand would, it still delights Bruno that he is gaining their trust.)

-Abbachio holds an initial distaste for many people and newcomers are no exception. Particularly this one, who is mysterious and quiet and never really indulges any ulterior motives. Perhaps they are just reserved, but perhaps they are hiding something-Abbachio does care for his gang, as annoying and obnoxious as they tend to be. So while he does not trust them for a long while, he will eventually give up on the idea that they are a threat to the gang and actually enjoy their company, mostly because they keep to themselves and don’t bother him. Maybe a few snide comments will be thrown their way, but everyone will note that they certainly do not get the brunt of his remarks simply because there’s nothing he really can pick on-they keep to themselves and leave him be when he is in a rotten mood, which tends to be more often than not. He may even grow to like them. He does not, however, like their stand-he’ll bark at them for having no control over their stand, perhaps a bit too harshly as they aren’t really used to being at the receiving end of his disapproval anymore. He immediately feels bad, and if they hadn’t been around the gang for so long they wouldn’t pick up on the signs of his remorse and may have even fled the room in embarrassment which would only make Abbachio feel worse. Their stand learns very quickly that he does not appreciate it clinging to his arm and telling him to be careful in the next mission, and merely gives him a smile or grin when he enters the room. He wouldn’t admit it to a soul, but he has to stop himself from smiling back when he’s in a really good mood.

-Fugo doesn’t mind them at first. They give him peace and quiet that he otherwise would not achieve with Narancia around all the time-but there silence can often be intimidating, and he takes their reserved nature as utter seriousness. It’s…suffocating, he realises, to be in such silence, especially as he is used to the rowdy nature of Narancia or Mista causing a fuss. When he is alone with them, he finds himself making excuses to leave the room in search of that rowdy elder he is tutoring or the smelly gunman who wanted to let him in on some questionable dating advice. He may not openly say it-but he’s still a kid, and he’s been robbed most of his childhood from a young age with the pressure his family put on him. They keep to themselves and do their job, and if they are young they certainly don’t act it, which although should be expected as part of being in Passione, he has had the luxury of being friends with people as immature as Narancia, and it’s part fooled him into thinking he can live through that carefree young lense-even if vicarious. So when they come into the room flustered over a stand that is launching itself into him and saying how much they worried about him, he realises they definitely aren’t as serious as he once thought they were. He lets their stand hug him and be as touchy and affectionate in that moment, mainly because he still can’t believe that he thought that they were some stoic character when they were really just quiet, perhaps a little bit shy. Their stand gives them depth in their character, and a humanity that is often forgotten within the mafia, so while it grates on his nerves when they pull him in for a hug or move to squish his cheeks, he doesn’t mind their stands positive and cheery attitude.

-Narancia thinks they’re boring, to be perfectly honest. He does try with them, striking up conversations and inviting them out with some others-but they live on an entirely different plain as him.Where he is energetic and outgoing they are private and speak minimally. He finds himself talking for the most of their conversations, and he just ends up worried that he has bored them to sleep. He’s only brung them out twice because both times have gone pear-shaped (It seems not everyone likes the atmosphere of clubs with the blaring music and beaming lights) To their defence, they do try to enjoy it, but it’s all a bit overwhelming-particularly as they are relatively new to the gang and there are still some members that don’t entirely trust them (the warning glare Abbachio sends their way when they agree to go clubbing with Narancia is enough for them to make sure they leave at a reasonable time and Narancia calms down enough for them to sneek through the base without causing a fuss) and they aren’t particularly the party type. He has, however, left an impression on their stand, and it isn’t long until he is subjected to its antics. It’s very affectionate with him, and he isn’t used to the smothering, not that it isn’t a good feeling; it’s just foreign. He thought that he was boring them, but it seems like that wasn’t the case at all according to their stand-in fact, the new member will be astounded to see that their own stand is working against them too once Narancia has gotten used to having it around, pushing and encouraging them to put down their book and go outside for a bit and accompanying him in silly little pranks on them. Narancia grows closer to the newest member too, and it turns out they compliment each other well, with the new member drawing him back from jumping into dangerous situations and Narancia pushing them out of their comfort zone reassuringly, they could very well potentially become partners in crime.

-Mista is seemingly indifferent to their quiet nature for a while and apart from joining them on missions or getting dragged along with them on another one of Narancia’s quests to god knows where, they don’t really interact much aside from quick pleasantries. But he watches them closely and the actions that they take; its clear, through his deduction, that they care about the gang, as much as they tend to keep to themselves. He’ll try to engage more with them, partly because he feels guilty for not doing so before, and partly because they need to open up a bit more, which is easier said than done. It’s when he’s idly reading a magazine while waiting for Giorno to come back with the mission briefing that they admit to him that their stand is the more talkative and outgoing of them; that’ll perk Mista’s interest. Sex pistols all have a personality of their own and while they have been introduced to the member pistols have yet to meet their members stand out of battle. So when they introduce their stand to Mista, they are surprised to see Mista draw out his stand. Each of the pistols have varying reactions to their stand and Mista is definitely intrigued by it. He’s another one that will incorporate their stand into getting the new member out of their shell a bit more, and he doesn’t really mind their stands touchy, affectionate personality and is probably the most accepting of the gang in terms of the members stands affectionate gestures because of his more laid back personality.

-Giorno respects them as a team member and tries to warm up to them as soon as he can because he can sympathise with their current predicament. He is a busy man, but he will still check up on them when he can. As such, it’s not until much later that he is subjected to their stands affection. He, like Fugo, had much of his childhood taken away from him, and he hasn’t ever really received such affection in his life, so he may not reciprocate hugs and it will take a while for him to truly accept their stands affectionate ways. It does, however, bring them closer to him, as he can see and respect how much they genuinely care about each and every one of their team members. As for their quiet nature, he doesn’t really have an issue with it-like Bruno, its a breath of fresh air after the energy that Narancia and Mista can exude from the group sometimes, though he does find it tedious to have to constantly talk to them and only get minimal replies-the one thing that really raises his ire is when it feels like people aren’t really listening to him-but with their stand involved, happily chatting away with him, he’s not too fussed, though the member can sense that he wants them to be able to talk to him instead of having to create a three way onversation that ends up with their stand saying something particularly flustering for the member. He’s patient, though, and lets them open up to him and talk to him in person in their own time.

[k-astrology]

Chart Description: Taemin (Shinee)

With his sun, moon and mercury all in cancer (stellium) it makes him more emotionally then the typical cancers. He communicates with his emotions, his decisions are emotionally driven and he craves emotion. He has a fear of being abandoned and/or rejected. Because of this insecurity he tends to be possessive or clingy (fully aware) but wishes he wasn’t because he also doesn’t want to smother others. Because of his empathetic nature and how receptive he is, he sometimes has a hard time placing a ‘position’ or a solid identity. Defining himself is a challenge,  and is why people with cancer (especially stellium) are often misunderstood, are moody and becoming secretive is very common for them. Cancers do have a desire to establish themselves and look outwards to figure out how too - It’s clear that Taemin has established himself and found himself, but this is a general thing for Cancers’. He is very intuitive when he communicates and can easily connect emotionally with others. He has a very good memory and is the type of person to remember small details people have told him about themselves, or even conversations from months ago. In love he seeks for someone who can help him be stable and someone who is loving and as sacrificing as himself. He wants for love to be larger then life and passionate - The type you’d see in movies. With so much emotion it seeps through his art. He is a visual person who likes to not only verbally express his passion but visualize it as well. Cancers are often seen as overly sensitive and soft signs, which is true, but don’t be fooled. Cancers can be very tough. They hold a lot of themselves back because of how they’d rather hurt silently then hurt others (some cancers, while others can be selfish and take everyone down with them in the fall)     Despite his emotions with a venus in Gemini the idea of love is better then the real deal. He is very flirtatious and has a lot of charm. He is attracted to intelligence and substance, rather then looks and material. He desires lighthearted love that makes him feel like he isnt ‘trapped’. Despite him being hard to pin down, it is possible if his attention is caught and kept. With virgo mars his instincts are critical. He tends to overanalyze and overthink things, and tends to question his abilities. He isnt quick to anger and actually passive towards conflicts. With his jupiter in Libra he tries to treat people with equality and is a very fair person. He is mentally adventurous, ready and willing to learn, into “mind expansion”, and less attached to his values than others because he is generally quite impartial and open-minded. He is able to see many sides to an argument. With his Leo in Chiron, placements are often awkward and feel they lack talent or skill. By taking time to learn their gifts they can truly make a huge impact on the world. (Which he has done and is still doing tbh)

As for his rising, ill be describing what the chart analysis gave me (Since I don’t know his birth hime) 

People with Libra rising are often very popular. They come across as very charming, polite and attract people easily. They thrive better with someone by their side, which is why they are often always in relationships or inseparable with their BFF. They simply don’t know what to do with themselves without a significant other. Because of their fare nature, they always try to solve conflicts or help as much as they can without really picking a side to avoid conflict. They do have a side to them that tends to start trouble and pretend they did no such thing. Just like Leo, they want for others to have a good impression of them and want to appear well put together (x) 

Aspects: Opposition Sun - Uranus His identity rides on his sense of personal freedom. It can be quite a challenge to get him to do what he don't want to do, simply because he see any attempts by others to push him in a certain direction as threatening his sense of freedom. He can have a lot of nervous energy and defensiveness. He works best when he can manage his own schedule, and he can work in spurts. When he is hit with creative inspiration, he is capable of tremendous effort.

Trine Sun - Pluto He enjoys and embraces growth, especially of the psychological kind. He loves a good mystery, and he is good at solving them. He isn't afraid to get his hands dirty, and he is usually quick to help others--not only with mundane tasks, but also on a spiritual or psychological level. Some people with this aspect are perfectionists, demanding much from themselves and reasonable amounts of effort and honesty from others.

Square Venus - Mars He has a real awkwardness with his social skills (not always visible to others). He wants to be involved with someone (romantically) but timing is often off and/or it's difficult to find a relationship that mirrors your strong desires and expectations. He is highly creative and generally and is driven to express that creativity - His passion is channeled into his creative output.

Square Moon - Jupiter He is sometimes indifferent to others, to those who surround him: he is, without thinking, negligent and indecisive. He may "feed" inner restlessness with excesses in gambling, shopping, or other comforts, and his honesty is sometimes a bit elastic. 

Source:  Me,  x and x

[broke-ass-twat]

Can I have all the numbers for all the things?

First of all, I’d like to say that you are dead to me and that I hope thy end is with the end of the universe. I hope that you ] watch as all of creation fades from being and all of your friends and family are dead and gone so long beforehand that their existence means nothing to something as eternal as you. All is empty and nothing matters. Slowly, as everything collapses, you welcome the release of not existing at all only to learn that you are all that is.

On to the questions! I’m somewhat tipsy so this should be interesting

1.First kiss?

I suppose the first kiss I had was on a dare so some random dude I don’t give a shit about. Actual first kiss would be with my first partner and it was rather nice as we had just started dating that day and they asked if we could kiss then immediately after that we made out. I’ve gotten sorta better at it since then but I guess being taught that is just sort of how I kiss now. A lot of fun that was.

2. First time masturbating?

I think my first time was in about 5th grade. Details here are unneeded but were milf-y in nature.

3. First sex toy?

Never had a sex toy. Hands work well enough

4. First kink tried?

Ummm. I don’t think I’ve tried anything particularly kinky although I have been sort of dom or sub at points.

5. First time doing oral?

With my first partner. When I was like 18 or something. Good experience all around. Still sort of curious about their thoughts on it though I can’t imagine it was mind-blowing.

6. First time having sex?

Same as above

Turn Ons

1. Biggest turn on?

The person being into what I’m doing. So basically validation that I’m good at what I’m doing but genuine and not just to appease me.

2. Biggest turn off?

Opposite of the above. Also probably a lack of effort on their part. I don’t wanna do everything.

3. Quickest way to get horny?

…..

Surprise me in a good way

4. Weirdest thing that ever turned you on?

Watercolor paintings that were just really well done

5. Top 3 places to be touched?

Umm. This is like tmi even for me. I’ll leave it out at just make out with me really nicely. Passionately but not urgently. Nice and slowly.

6. Ultimate fantasy?

Don’t have one in mind.

7. Do you like the idea of a three or moresome?

Not particularly. If I were intoxicated I’d be more open to the idea

8. Do you send nudes? Do you like receiving them?

I do send nudes and I really like receiving them especially if I’m not expecting it.

Preferences

1. Sex or masturbation?

Sex by far. Up until recently i’d say masturbation but the feel of comfy sex and the dynamic of another person is so much more fun. At times I’d say about even however. It depends. Sex is preferable however.

2. Spit or swallow?

I have like no opinion on this as I do neither. 

3. Cut or uncut dicks?

Aesthetically cut

4. Rough or sensual sex?

Sensual. Its much more fun when sex is occasionally rough. But normally I prefer sensual.

5. Oldest person you’d sleep with?

About a year older than me. I thought it’d meant oldest person I’d slept with but I’d probably sleep with someone up to like a decade older than me.

6. Loud or quiet partners?

I do like loud but quiet is fine as well. I just like to know when I’m doing something right.

7. How much foreplay do you like?

A decent amount but not a huge amount. I dunno. It depends on the partner.

8. How much teasing do you like?

I’m rather impatient so I don’t per se like too much teasing but in doses it can be nice.

9. What is too big for you to take?

I don’t take anything sooooo… 0 inches? Experimentation would probably have a prerequisite amount of alcohol.

10. Do you do hookups or only sleep with a partner?

I can hook up with a partner although I’d say that’s more rare than standard

11. How much kissing do you like during sex?

Honestly a hard question. I really really like intimacy but that can be sacrificed if something feels really good or is really hot. So it depends on the situation.

12. What’s the most attractive part of the body?

That’s highly variable but I’d tend to say the face.

Location

1. Favourite place to have sex?

In a bed.

2. Would you have sex in public?

Yah probably. Already have.

3. Last place you had sex?

In a bed

4. Where would you most like to have sex?

Still in a bed. I suppose a really nice rooftop would be a lot of fun.

5. Do you like spontaneous sex, or do you need to be in the mood?

Spontaneous sex is really fun sex. It doesn’t take too much to get me in the mood

6. Could you go through with a hookup at a strangers house?

Yah I probably could. I mean if I’m having sex with them chances are I have a rather good opinion of the person and know them to some extent. I think I’d have to be pretty drunk to just sleep with someone out of nowhere.

I just fucking stopped caring about formatting and might fix it later.

Kinks

What’s your biggest kink?

I don’t really have specific kinks. More like I have vague ideas of them and don’t care enough or feel comfortable enough to say them.

What’s your limit?

I don’t like pain that much

Are you okay with name calling in bed?

Name calling is alright I guess?

Would you do any BDSM?

Yah. I can do some light domination or be a sub but with just domination not pain.

Do you prefer to tie somebody up or be tied up?

Either. i don’t think I have a preference

Favourite type of bondage?

Don’t have one

Do you like orgasm denial/forced orgasm?

I think I would.

Do you like overstimulation?

Sort of. It’s a little much sometimes.

Do you like having pain involved?

No

Do you like biting/being bitten?

Lightly

Have you ever been made to/made somebody beg for it?

I’ve sort of made someone beg for it and that was a lot of fun. I think its fun in doses but if it was regular it might make it less interesting

Do you have any strange or extreme kinks?

No I don't 

Have any roleplaying preferences?

Nope

Send a kink with this number. Do you have that kink?

What? Also I really have to say tumblr has some incredibly shit formatting and it really bothers the fuck out of me.

Masturbation

Do you own sex toys? How many?

No.

Favourite Sex Toy?

Don’t have one

What do you masturbate to?

Porn.

How often do you masturbate?

Probably at least once a day

How often do you use sex toys to masturbate?

I dont

Do you masturbate with penetration?

No

Do you go for multiple rounds or settle at one or no orgasms?

When i’m having sex I can go for up to 3 rounds. Masturbation generally ends at one. with a protocolary session.

Oral

Do you enjoy giving oral?

Sort of.

Do you prefer giving or receiving oral?

I think I like receiving more.

What makes you orgasm the fastest when receiving oral?

I have never orgasmed from oral

Do you have a preferred technique for giving oral?

Licking out the ABCs has worked pretty well. I like also licking out circles or just aggressively up and down. Thats sort of the extent of my oral tbh. i do have some variation

Can you deep throat?

I don’t think so

For people with dicks…

How long and how thick is it?

Above average length and thickness. About 6 inches and magnums work better cuz of a lil above average thickness

Do you do anal? Top or bottom?

I do not.

Are you circumcised?

yes

Do you like your balls being played with?

Lightly yeah

Do you enjoy prostate stimulation? Ever came from it?

Have not had it done

Where do you like to finish?

Inside if I can honestly. Otherwise just outside.

Sex

Favourite position?

Missionary or cowgirl.

How often do you do unprotected sex?

Like most of the time at this point

How loud are you in bed?

Not very

Do you enjoy having nipples played with?

Yeah

Do you like/dislike/love/hate cum?

I mean its always mine so pretty indifferent

How good are you at dirty talk?

Mediocre if I had to guess

Do you get sleepy after an orgasm?

Sometimes

Other

Do you like wearing/seeing people in lingerie?

Yes

Do you masturbate or have sex with clothes on?

Occasionally

What’s your favourite style of underwear?

Lacey

Are stockings/thigh highs a turn on?

Yes

Ever had somebody say no to a kink you suggested trying?

Nope

Do you trim, shave or leave pubic hair untouched? How do you prefer partners?

I trim. I prefer partners trimmed or shaved

How many orgasms can you have in a day?

Like 4 or so within a short period

How many other people know your dick/bra size?

Like 3 or so I’d say

What do you wear to bed?

Just underwear or nothing. Occasionally pajamas

Do you eat ass? Do you like having your ass eaten?

i’d eat ass and have never had my ass eaten

Try to describe how orgasm feels for you.

A little tingly and my mind goes a little blank for a bit.

Have you ever been to a strip club? How was it? If not, would you?

I have not and I would although I’m unsure how much I would enjoy it

Fun questions!

Do you name your genitalia?

No

What would be your stripper name?

I would never be a stripper

Any funny sex stories?

Not really

What food if any would you use during sex?

Whupped cream or honey 

Would you give somebody a sex toy as a gift?

Yes

What’s the weirdest porn you’ve ever seen?

Umm. Probably extreme anal insertion

Do you often get horny in public?

No not really

Ever used something that isn’t made for sex in the bedroom?

I don’t believe I have

Have you ever walked in on somebody or been walked in on?

Nope

Do you have any friends you’d sleep with?

Probably all of the ones that are female that I have. Unless i find them unattractive which I don’t think has happened yet

Some real creepy shit, get your fix.

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

I would certainly hope my girlfriend meant it

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

Yes considering that I’m only 20. I’d obviously have to find them mature enough

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?

With an essay that a teacher graded where I didn’t like the grade but agreed with the commentary and was happy about it. The grade made sense with the commentary although I wanted more.

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

Rarely

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

I suppose frustrated or aggravated probably.

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

Nothing at the current moment

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?

I am wearing a grey Tulane sweatshirt, navy hanes boxers, and black speckled sort of shorts with gold zipper pockets

8. How often do you listen to music?

Fucking often

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

Jeans for sure

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?

This post must be dated as fuck

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

More antisocial just out of mild social anxiety

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?

I have not

13. What about ‘R’?

Also have not

14. Can you drive a stick shift?

I straight up can’t drive

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

I’m sort of vain so yeah

16. Are you going out of town soon?

In about a week

17. When was the last time you cried?

I think its been a week or two

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?

Yes

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?

Probably not but green or a stormy color would be cool

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?

Nah not really

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

Well i’ve technically started this day tipsy sooooo… Not the healthiest way to start a day

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?

It would really depend on the guy

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?

Nope

24. What are you sitting on right now?

A fucking chair

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

Yes

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Yeah

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

Um. My room mate

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

Not particularly

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

I’m not wearing a shirt. I’m wearing a sweatshirt and thats from my university’s website

30. Does anyone hate you?

Probably but I also don’t care about them

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?

I thankfully do not.

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

Not really honestly. With other people more so

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?

No

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

None of them

35. Did you have a dream last night?

Probably

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

Yesterday

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

Perhaps

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

I know someone has feelings for me and I know of at least two other people that did

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Maybe my room mate but probably not

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

I think so

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

Why yes I was

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?

Yes

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Probably

44. What’s the best part about school?

The people

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

I have very few but I do.

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

No

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

Annoyingly often

48. Were you single over the last summer?

Nope

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

Sort of

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

An essay

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?

No

52. Are you nice to everyone?

No

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

I think so

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

Definitely wtf

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

Pretty decent

56. Do you think you like someone?

I know I do

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?

I have

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

Girls. I just find them more attractive and easier to talk to in general

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?

Yeah

60. Do you hate anyone?

Yes

61. How’s your heart?

Physically and emotionally fine I think 

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

Probably

63. Have you ever cried over a guy?

As a result of a guy but not over one

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?

Don’t know don’t care really

65. Are your toenails painted pink?

No

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?

Most certainly not

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?

Depends on what and how often I’d say

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?

Thankfully not

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

My stepfather

70. How do you look right now?

Probably fine

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?

I think so

72. Can you commit to one person?

Yes

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

Yes

74. Have you ever felt replaced?

No. I have felt sort of used or abandoned though

75. Did you wake up cranky?

I certainly have

76. Are you a jealous person?

Not particularly

77. Are relationships ever worth it?

Definitely

78. Anyone you’re giving up on?

Yeah

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?

Yeah

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

Write a pretty lengthy essay

81. Last person you cried in front of?

My roommate’s girlfriend

82. Is there someone you will never forget?

Probably

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?

Yes

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

We’d prolly be cuddling

85. Are you over your past?

No I don’t believe I am although I hope I can eventually be

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?

Hell yeah

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

No I thik not but it’s a possibility

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

No as we both have different things we’re doing right now and different focuses and obligations

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

Yes

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

I don’t think so

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?

Probably

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?

Yes

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?

No

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?

I was not

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?

Yes

96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?

They’re cute

97. Who do you have texts from?

A bunch of people

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

Have fun with that. I’d be pretty fucking sad though

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Yes

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?

Myself

101. Ever kissed under fireworks?

I don’t believe so

102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?

Yes

[the-little-blue-river]

A Wandering River in Kul’Tiras

NAME:  Melody Frostmane / Melogosa

FACE CLAIM:  Liv Tyler

NICKNAME:  River (preferred name), Stardust

AGE:  very young

HEIGHT:  5′7″

SPECIES:  Kaldorei / blue dragon

GENDER:  Female

BIRTHDAY:  May 29

SUN SIGN:  Gemini

RESIDENCE:  Boralus

SKILLS:  hunting, wandering, getting into trouble

DRINK:  Ice Cold Milk

FOOD:  Grilled salmon, fresh fruit

DAY OR NIGHT:  Night

SNACKS:  boar jerky

SONGS:  Mirror Mirror feat. Casey Williams (RWBY) [click title to listen]

PET:  none

COLOR:  galaxy-esque palette

FLOWER:  Stargazer lilies

EYE COLOR:  Silver-blue

HAIR COLOR:  Ocean blue-green

BODY TYPE:  swimmer’s build - slender, toned, modest

MORAL ALIGNMENT:  True Neutral

A true neutral character does what seems to be a good idea. She doesn't feel strongly one way or the other when it comes to good vs. evil or law vs. chaos. Most true neutral characters exhibit a lack of conviction or bias rather than a commitment to neutrality. Such a character thinks of good as better than evil - after all, she would rather have good neighbors and rulers than evil ones. Still, she's not personally committed to upholding good in any abstract or universal way. Some true neutral characters, on the other hand, commit themselves philosophically to neutrality. They see good, evil, law, and chaos as prejudices and dangerous extremes. They advocate the middle way of neutrality as the best, most balanced road in the long run. True neutral is the best alignment you can be because it means you act naturally, without prejudice or compulsion. However, true neutral can be a dangerous alignment when it represents apathy, indifference, and a lack of conviction.

PREDOMINANT ARCHETYPES:

PERSONALITY:   INFP-T – The Mediator

Mediator personalities are true idealists, always looking for the hint of good in even the worst of people and events, searching for ways to make things better. While they may be perceived as calm, reserved, or even shy, Mediators have an inner flame and passion that can truly shine. Comprising just 4% of the population, the risk of feeling misunderstood is unfortunately high for the Mediator personality type – but when they find like-minded people to spend their time with, the harmony they feel will be a fountain of joy and inspiration.

Being a part of the Diplomat Role group, Mediators are guided by their principles, rather than by logic (Analysts), excitement (Explorers), or practicality (Sentinels). When deciding how to move forward, they will look to honor, beauty, morality and virtue – Mediators are led by the purity of their intent, not rewards and punishments. People who share the Mediator personality type are proud of this quality, and rightly so, but not everyone understands the drive behind these feelings, and it can lead to isolation.

[ SOCIETY ]

$ Financial : wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty. ✚ Medical : fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged. ✪ Class or Caste : upper / middle / working / slave / unsure. ✔ Education : qualified / unqualified / studying ✖ Criminal Record : yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no / has committed crimes, but not caught yet.

[ FAMILY ]

◐ Marital status : married - happily / unhappily / engaged or betrothed / partnered / single / divorced / separated / widowed ◒ Children : has a child or children / has no children / wants children. ◑ Relationship with Family : close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings (that she knows of) / sibling(s) is deceased / Has cousins and is close to them ◔ Filtration : orphaned separated from mother at birth / “adopted” young / disowned / raised by birth parents

[ TRAITS + TENDENCIES ]

♦ extroverted / introverted / in between. ♦ disorganized / organized / in between. ♦ close minded / open-minded / in between. ♦ calm / anxious / in between. ♦ disagreeable / agreeable / in between. ♦ cautious / reckless / in between. ♦ patient / impatient / in between. ♦ outspoken / reserved / in between. ♦ leader / follower / in between. ♦ empathetic / unemphatic / in between. ♦ optimistic / pessimistic / in between. ♦ traditional / modern / in between. ♦ hard-working / lazy / in between. ♦ cultured / uncultured / in between / unknown. ♦ loyal / disloyal / unknown. ♦ faithful / unfaithful / unknown.

[ BELIEFS ]

★ Faith : monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic. ☆ Belief in Ghosts or Spirits : yes / no / don’t know / don’t care. ✮ Belief in an Afterlife : yes / no / don’t know / don’t care. ✯ Belief in Reincarnation : yes / no / don’t know / don’t care. ❃ Belief in Aliens : yes / no / don’t know / don’t care. ✧ Religious : orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious. ❀ Philosophical : yes / no / in between.

[ SEXUALITY & ROMANTIC INCLINATION ]

❤ Sexuality : heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual. ❥ Sex : sex repulsed / sex neutral / sex favorable. ♥ Romance : romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favorable. ❣ Sexually : adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious. ⚧ Potential Sexual Partners : male / female / agender / other / none / all. ⚧ Potential Romantic Partners : male / female / agender / other / none / all.

[ ABILITIES ]

☠ Combat Skills : excellent / good / moderate / poor / none. ≡ Literacy Skills : excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ✍ Artistic Skills : excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ✂ Technical Skills : excellent / good / moderate / poor / none.

[ HABITS ]

☕ Drinking Alcohol : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess. ☁ Smoking : trying to quit / never / sometimes / frequently / to excess. ✿ Other Narcotics : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess. ✌ Medicinal Drugs : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess. ☻ Indulgent Food : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess. $ Splurge Spending : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess. ♣ Gambling : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess.

[ MOST NOTABLE PERSONALITY TRAITS ]

RATIONALITY

You like clarity and intelligent simplicity and you get frustrated at messy thinking. This can make you seem unreasonably pushy to some, but it is actually a virtue: you are motivated by a horror at pointless effort and a longing for precision and insight into how things and people work. Your ability to synthesise and bring order is essential in producing thinking which is truly helpful.

PLAYFULNESS

You are good at seeing what’s funny, at relaxing and finding the pleasure of the moment. Play is random, whimsical, fantasy-driven behaviour which releases internal tension. Because it is detached from some pressures it allows you to act on weirder, perhaps neglected, parts of yourself. The downside is that it is no help in sticking with things that are not much fun but which need to be addressed. So it is well complemented by its opposite, Stoicism.

RESILIENCE

You have a tendency, after a setback, to turn your emotions towards restriving. What attracts you is the idea of wiping out a humiliation by resumed action – overcoming weakness, repressing your fear. Because part of your motive is pride, you can sometimes be unwilling to admit weakness or to receive aid. But at heart, tour insistence on coming back and never folding has taught you a valuable pessimism: you know that important journeys are never easy.

Your archetype is the innocent.

Exemplars of optimism, Innocents serve the glass half full with a side of kindness and simplicity.

Ice cold lemonade from a corner stand, a baby’s first smile, or diving into a mountain lake. Some moments in life can only be described with one word: perfect. The Innocent culture helps people find sanctuary, peace, and happiness.

Every cloud has a silver lining. Tomorrow is only a day away. Don’t worry, be happy! Innocent cultures often train new workers or young employees, easing them into the tough realities of the real world. They help people learn the ropes, overcome faults, and provide a tranquil space to work and play.

Innocents are the exemplars of optimism. Through simple acts of kindness or a trusting smile, they are consistent and unpretentious. But, sometimes the glass isn’t always half full, and the Innocent may need a reality check to keep business moving.

FLOWER PERSONALITY River is:

CHAMOMILE

Easy-going, friendly and well liked, you’ve got a gentle and sweet nature and a calming presence that puts others at ease. Your sensitivity to others may cause you to take on too much of other people’s feelings, though, and you may even be prone to worry.

Calming chamomile holds the key to relaxation if your busy mind makes it difficult to unwind. Soft, sweet and gently soothing, chamomile works to restore a sense of peacefulness and ease, and can settle an upset stomach while relaxing a nervous mind.

The name “chamomile” comes from the Greek chamos (ground) and melos (apple), referring to its low growing habitat and the apple scent of its fresh blossoms. Its soothing properties can be attributed to the essential oil, which is an amazing blue color when extracted. Chamomile’s ability to soothe the digestive system and calm the nervous system make it an important plant in many of our relaxation and digestive formulas

GINGER

Spirited. A feisty and fiery companion, quick with an opinion, a laugh or an idea. Warm, friendly and inviting, you never allow an awkward moment to pass. In fact, even cold and distant people warm up to you more quickly than others. Negative experiences or too much indulgence, however, can send you into a bit of a tailspin, and when hurt you may become quite cold and distant. Ginger people do best when their natural warmth and affection is flowing freely, giving them easy access to their love of life.

An international socialite, ginger has worked its way into culinary circles around the world because of its digestive and warming talents. When experiencing occasional digestive disturbance as a result of overindulging, you can rely on the warming, spicy properties of ginger root to restore a sense of balance.

Known for its ability to relieve occasional indigestion and prevent nausea associated with motion sickness, ginger first appeared in the writings of Confucius in the 5th century BC.* By the 1st century AD ginger had become one of the most commonly traded spices. During this time ginger was so valuable that, in England, one pound of it was worth the cost of a sheep! Spicy, rich and warm, with sweet undertones, ginger is considered a warming herb in some traditions and makes a wonderful spicy tea for the winter months.

SLIPPERY ELM

Let’s just say you’re a vocal person. Sure, that might mean you’re chatty. But it also means you’re the one humming in the hallway, singing in the shower, speaking your mind, standing up and shouting if need be to get yourself heard. You’ve got a voice and you know how to use it. Inclined to speak up for the voiceless, defend the defenseless or simply bring joy to the joyless, you may have a tendency to overuse your voice.

Smooth and silky, slippery elm is balm for the voice and friend to everyone who uses it. Long a champion for tired vocal chords and taxed throats, slippery elm’s slickness make it an ideal companion for those who a prone to use (and sometimes overuse) their voice.

Slippery elm or Ulmus rubra (Latin for “red elm,” so called for its lovely reddish bark) is a beautiful, native North American elm tree Introduced into Western herbal traditions by Native Americans. It’s the inner bark of this tree that is actually called “slippery elm” due to its, yes, slippery, smooth, and slimy-in-a-good-way properties.

[incendir]

[NOTE]: I used a combination of bbintl and beesubs translations so credit to both of them

I don’t understand the eyes that focus on you I don’t understand the things you hold now, at that age Your passionate fans, the TV programs that allow you to be on them The musicians that form around you

One of the most common hate comments—that they claim they just don’t understand why he’s so successful, they don’t get what the hype about him is, they don’t get why he’s so famous at such a young age, and they say all this with the tone that he can’t possibly deserve any of it. He can’t possibly deserve or have done anything worthy of all the fans he has, the renown artists he’s collaborated with, all the shows he’s been on (I’m assuming the most representative of this is him being a producer on Show Me The Money—when he was first cast on the fourth season there was plenty of debate as to whether he deserved that position when all of his peers in his age group and in terms of years debuted were still competitors themselves).

There’s no real incentive, no reason for my hate But my guilty conscience gets buried by the crowd

As his fan of over six years now, I’ll be the first to say he’s done plenty to warrant criticism—you’d be hard-pressed to find any human, any celebrity, who hasn’t. He’s never committed a crime, he’s never done anything morally, hugely questionable or controversial—I don’t consider dating a scandal, so the only true scandal I believe he’s ever had stems from an immature, and thoughtless mistake that he’s atoned for and apologized for over and over, and still does years after it even happened. There is no reason that I can think of to hate him, and if you read between the lines of the comments of his anti-fans, you’ll realize that there’s no true reason for them to hate him either. Yet, he has hordes and hordes of haters because when spiteful comment after spiteful comment is read by otherwise neutral parties, more hate tends to easily form—if so many people hate him there must be a reason, right? Strength in numbers applies to the negative as well as the positive.

No matter what efforts you made, what suffering you went through Your success gave you the right to be insulted again

He was born with heart and respiratory problems. These health issues made it difficult for him during Block B’s early days when they had taxing choreography and he was always seen gasping for breath after rehearsals and performances. The first company he signed with treated him and his group terribly. There were controversies and they were extremely unpopular—they were horribly managed and in dire financial circumstances. They managed to escape, they managed to claw their way up through blood and sweat to the top despite their new company still being incompetent. He sacrifices sleep and personal time to create music for both himself and his group—he never once considered one without the other. He constantly receives hate and constantly has the general image of a thuggish troublemaker despite being well-spoken, well-read, intelligent, humble, and kind. But it doesn’t matter how much he endured because he’s successful now, isn’t he? None of that matters, none of it needs to be taken into account because now, he’s rich, he lives in an expensive apartment, wears expensive clothes, has an expensive car—so he’s perfectly qualified to be hated on. It doesn’t matter what he had to do to get to this point in his life, the fact of the matter is that he’s here, and that, apparently, gives everyone the right to take a stab at him all over again.

Why did she date such an unrefined delinquent?

Nine times out of ten, when there is a dating scandal, the vast majority of comments will hate on the woman in the relationship, whether she is a celebrity or non-celebrity even. Naturally, even though one of the articles mentioned how he had helped her through her own controversy, how he’d driven to her company and comforted her, this became the one time that I saw more comments hating on the man—that he wasn’t treating her right, that he didn’t deserve her, that he was too ugly for her, that her seen running into his apartment complex was a reflection of him rather than of the paparazzi following them, that he was a player who couldn’t possibly have feelings for her other than for a physical relationship because that just seems like the type of man he is.

I don’t understand how your music became hits The awards you receive every year, your luxurious surroundings

Paralleling the beginning of the first verse, and an elaboration on it as well—again one of the most common hate comments. Through this, you can see the shape and form of the song—the structure of how he’s stacking the different kinds of hate he receives. The beginning of the first two verses both begin with the most basic and transparent attempts—invalidating his success and worth by stating that they themselves don’t see anything special about him, that his music, his entire career, seems pretty unremarkable to them, nothing noteworthy and definitely undeserving of the accolades he has received thus far.

If you evoke some controversy right now, that would be impeccable timing My lips are twitching with abusive words and insults Our needs are simple, you just have to mess up on one sentence The interpretation is entirely up to me and I decide on your ideology as well

As each verse progresses, the hatred progresses as well—at first they are perhaps the type of comments he could shrug off easily because they are so obviously false or ones that are simply about his profession, and he is the type of person that accepts criticism for his music, not the type to ever think his music is flawless. Deeper into the song are the lyrics detailing the comments that are harder to stop reading—that are harder to shrug off and dismiss, that attack the type of person he is or the type of person they think he is and want him to become so that they can be proven right all along. All it would take is one mistake, anything that can be even mildly misconstrued—that would be more than enough to paint him as the brutish, stupid, arrogant, undeserving celebrity they knew he was all along. Clarifications, explanations, elaborations are all excuses—it will never matter what he meant, only what they hear, what they want to hear.

A hundred of your good acts, I’ll carve on sand One mistake, on solid rock

It doesn’t matter how long he atones for one sin—it doesn’t matter how long he goes until his next, inevitable mistake. It doesn’t matter that he’s only human. For all the hundreds of things he does right, for all the years he goes without controversy, they’ll carve them onto sand for the tide to wash away moments later as if they never happened. Any mistake he makes, however, regardless of how small, regardless if resolved or proven false in the end, regardless if apologized and forgiven, that’ll be engraved for all eternity—it’ll be brought back again and again any time his name is mentioned.

Guess whose loss it will be if you become my enemy? The camera lens will become a gun barrel

Above all, faceless IDs on the Internet full of hatred yet basking in their anonymity want to know and feel that they have an actual effect. They want to know that their words shake him and they want him to know that they are what determine his fate, his success or lack thereof—that they are so powerful they determine his self-esteem, his sense of self-worth, his pride or shame at the quality of his music. As long as he steps in front of the camera, it is up to them how he feels about himself and his work—therefore, he should do well to please them, remain on their good side. This will return in fuller force later on in the song.

No matter how shitty things are for you, you need to dance properly

A good proportion of the lyrics are applicable to celebrities in general, most especially idols, and this is one of them. I’m of the personal opinion that professionalism should be maintained—a job is a job, and rain or shine, you have to do your job if you expect to receive your livelihood from it. However, in the end, we’re all humans, and there are days you just can’t contain what is going wrong in your life, sometimes you’re sick, sometimes you just aren’t feeling it, and I’m not, and I don’t believe he is either, referring to those who simply skimp out as if being an idol is a voluntary activity at will rather than a profession—as he’s someone who is extremely professional and rarely, if ever, misses a schedule (he’s been known to endure filmings while vomiting between takes). I believe he’s referring to how the majority of idols and celebrities in general are hard-working, maintain appropriate expressions, perform to their fullest ability nearly all of the time, but they are crucified all the same any one single day or event they don’t seem at the peak of cheerfulness, at the height of their energy and enthusiasm.

I’m not an anti, it’s fan mail Once you rack up those positive comments That means you’re past your prime

This is the first time in the verses he refers to the chorus, and the central motif of the entire song: The opposite of love is not hate—it is indifference. This anti states, and this will be emphasized later on, that Zico should be grateful for this negativity. He should be grateful for the hate. In fact, he should even consider these hate comments fan mail—the reason being, that, receiving positive comments means he is no longer relevant.

Bear this in mind, the moment you make a stage name You have to kill yourself

A chilling, impactful line about the sacrifices that celebrities make physically, emotionally, mentally that non-celebrities will never be able to truly know, and never can truly experience nor understand. He had to sacrifice as much as he gained, and it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that he had to kill a part of Woo Jiho to become Zico. It should also be noted that he changes his flow for this verse—so that it almost sounds less like a third verse and more like a bridge. Previously, both his flow and tone were dark and smooth, but now it becomes harsher and choppier, aggressive and angry. The anti is becoming more and more cynical with its words—to the point where there’s hardly any other way to describe it than just, honestly, truly cruel.

The choice is yours to make If you want the public to eat you up (popularity/relevance), then be chewed out first Get on the cutting board

Leading in straight from the previous line, and also referring back to what was mentioned previously about indifference being the true opposite of love, the anti reiterates that the only way to gain fame is to first allow himself to be destroyed. His character, his skills, his appearance—he needs to accept that everything must be put willingly for slaughter and slander before he can gain fame because any attention is supposedly good attention and he has to accept that.

(1) A pro always rips the corners of his mouth widely (2) Professionals always need to smile

I thought this was one of those instances where both the figurative meaning and the literal translation are needed to get the full effect across. The meaning is another elaboration of the previous line regarding how celebrities are expected to “dance” even when they are going through difficult times personally, but the literal translation gives this statement the grotesque, macabre tone it needs to fully convey what he wishes to have the listener realize—it may seem nothing to an audience, to a non-celebrity, to an anonymous anti-fan on the Internet to tell a celebrity they need to perk up and keep smiling for a professional demeanor. After all, the commenter comments once—but there are thousands of commenters commenting once and the celebrity receives all of those thousands telling them to smile, again and again and again throughout their career. After a while, it wouldn’t be surprising if the simple act of smiling when told to feels as if you are ripping the corners of your mouth.

Merchandise don’t have privacy The customer is king around here

Possibly one of my favorite lines of the entire song. Other than the obvious of how this is referring to how entitled many non-celebrities feel they are to the private lives of celebrities, it most likely also references part of a rap he did during the NIKE Unlimited event shortly following the revealing of his relationship last year—

There’s another thing I could never forget That day my house, my car, and my daily life were all exposed

The reception to this was, expectedly, simply more hate—violent indignation that he was defending the invasion of his privacy and most comments ignored how his privacy was invaded at all and rather stated that it wouldn’t matter if his privacy was invaded if he was an upright person with nothing to hide, so clean and moral that even if snapshots were taken wildly out of context, he would still seem moral and upright. Bringing this back to ANTI, with the furious tone and choppy flow he uses for this verse, especially at this part, you can sense the undercurrent of sarcasm. The anti-fan finds it so incredibly absurd and infuriating that a product dares to desire privacy, that a product dares to desire its human rights not to be violated when everyone knows the customer is always right.

Hatred is also interest How long do you think you’ll receive that kind of treatment? So be thankful to me

What was implied in the second verse is now explicitly stated. Zico’s anti-fan is letting him know that fame doesn’t last forever, and that hatred is also considered popularity and attention and, regardless of how much he has been hurt by it—regardless of how many wounds and moments of darkness and doubt it might have caused him, first and foremost, Zico should be grateful to those who’ve hated on him all these years, dragged his, his friends’, his family’s names through the dirt. For, without them, and when they no longer treat him so miserably, he will not be celebrated anymore—he will be no one, once again.

I’ll make you lose your way I hope I can see you around for a long time I’ll end it here

As said before, again, above all the utmost wish and desire of an anti is to know that the subject of hatred has been affected—feels lost and horrible and feels hated, feels like truly all the faults listed about them are true. They want to know they’ve made Zico question whether he even wants to pursue his dream anymore. At the same time, they wouldn’t be an anti-fan if they had no one to hate. They rant on and on about how their hatred is a necessity of the celebrity livelihood, that Zico should be grateful as it is their attention that brings his music popularity and thusly lines his pockets—that he is nothing without them. Yet, they need him—they want him to continue making music for them to dismiss as mediocre and unoriginal, they want him to continue giving interviews so they can dissect his answers and dismiss him as problematic and toxic, they want him to continue being on shows and featured in magazines so they can claim his personality arrogant and his appearance ugly. The tone is sarcastic, cold, and mean. Naturally, the last thing they would ever want to do is let him know that without him they have no choice than to face what it reflects about themselves that they take the time to think up and spit out such degrading things to someone who has committed no crimes in his entire life and no true controversy in years. The very last line of this verse carries more weight than appears—stating that they will stop slandering him now as if they are doing him a favor. They are implying that they are taking pity on him now—he must be so destroyed, must be shaken and reeling, from all the faults he has that they’ve shed light on. So, for his sake, they’ll stop, and they challenge him to continue appearing before them if he can handle it.

I’ll wipe away your make-up And tell the world that it was all an act Why do I hate you? The price you’ll pay will be as large as the success you enjoy That’s all I wanna tell you about

I have the lyrics of the chorus as last because they summarize what the anti is saying throughout all of the different types of comments they leave. There is a reason for why these are the lyrics that G.Soul sings. Zico’s voice is what the anti-fans are actually posting, what they are actually themselves typing out and what they believe they mean. G.Soul is speaking for what is within the anti-fan themselves, what they are feeling and why they do what they do even if they might not acknowledge it themselves. Words differ from one hate comment to the next, but the sentiment behind them will always be the same—the one thing that no anti-fan will ever be seen typing in, the thing that Zico has realized about all of his anti-fans. He said as much in the Dazed Digital interview earlier this year, “Nowadays, there are people and comments trying to bring me down.When I see stuff like that, I find myself laughing about it—I don’t understand it, there’s no point to it. How can someone lack that much confidence about themselves that they try to get me down? I mean I don’t even think I’m that great!”

Anti-fans disguise themselves as concerned fans, as critics, as neutral third parties with an unbiased opinion that is only vitriolic and cruel because the celebrity clearly must deserve it. Despite all the different masks, all the various categories of hate-filled messages, that an anti might wear, Zico has realized that what they want is the same—for whatever reason, they want him to hate himself as much as they hate him. They want to see himself as the trouble-causing, simple-minded, partying, problematic, arrogant, selfish, unworthy, overrated celebrity that they paint him out to be and that they are so focused on getting the world to see him as.

I’m not you ANTI

There are several ways to look at the very last line of the song. Initially, I thought it was most probably just an English error on his part, and he meant it as “I’m not your anti”. In that case, the meaning is simple, and the final line simply reiterates the motif previously elaborated on and reiterated throughout the song about how hatred is still interest. The second way this line could be taken, if there is no error in it, is the anti-fan stating that they are not Zico—simply they do not want to be Zico, they are above him for all of the reasons they state throughout the song, all of his controversies and how problematic his image is according to them. In this interpretation, the repeated “anti” at the end would just be a sort of tie-in to state the song title. The final interpretation I offer, and I personally go back and forth between this and the first one, is that this final line is actually from Zico’s perspective—the only part of the entire song that is not supposedly spoken by the anti-fan. If spoken by Zico, this line then turns into “I’m not you, Anti”. It doesn’t matter how much they hate him, how many times and how intensely they degrade him and his loved ones, how much the rip apart his music and claim it insubstantial and unoriginal at best. He’ll never hate himself the way that they seem to hate themselves.

[blackbutler-readerinsertsandjunk]

PLS TELL ME ABOUT ANY AND ALL OCS YO -💙

XD!!! Well, brief rundown of who they are here and you can decide if you wanna know more about any of them??

Marlowe Flynn -- born Marla Rose Flynn, they are a Phantomhive servant, being trained as a butler by Sebastian. very, very close with the other servants; do not touch their family unless you want a knife in the stomach. genderfluid and uses he, she, and they pronouns. special skill for the household is stealth attacks. (head over heels for a certain redheaded Reaper~)

Jubilee Parsons -- doctor’s apprentice and official on-call doctor for the Phantomhive household. gets medicines mixed up easily and has more than once accidentally made a patient seriously ill, although she has an incredible bedside manner and isn’t a terrible doctor; just learning. special skill for the household is knowledge/use of quick-acting poisons. (crushing on Finny)

Lea Hawthorne -- noble lady and one of several possible brides for Alois Trancy. has no real special skills aside from standing around and looking pretty, but gets very attached to anyone she cares about. rags to riches, she took a quiet approach in elevating her family’s name with the help of a demon.

Jezebel Paganini -- snake demoness, contracted to Lea Hawthorne. has no qualms about eating other souls even in front of Lea regardless of the contract. Stalker With a Crush to Claude and ambiguously grooming Lea to turn her into a demon. could probably kill you with a spoon. would probably rather eat Claude than marry him.

Nadya Sidorov -- Russian contortionist nicknamed Rusalka, “the Mermaid”, by the circus troupe she used to tour with. was eventually employed by Alois as the Trancy household’s entertainer, but is much more than that. in her, Alois has a mother figure and Claude has a witty lover. afflicted with what she believes is a “demon curse” that caused her extreme flexibility, but that’s not what it is.

Bella M. Figaro -- head of the Reaper Forensics Department. that department’s resident workaholic and ‘mom friend’ to all of her underlings. in a happy and committed relationship with William, despite Grell’s infrequent attempts to divide them. puts on a good front but is secretly overwhelmed with the world that she lives in. (I’ve written poly fics with her, William, and Grell before and I absolutely loved that relationship.

Adalyn Smith -- Junior Field Officer in the Reaper Dispatch Department. works hard, parties harder, but does not take kindly to one-night stands or noncommittal flirting. best known for her scythe, which has been modified to look like a gardening hoe. (and she takes every opportunity to make jokes about it.) has an on-again-off-again relationship with Ronald, and is absolutely cold to him whenever they break up. couldn’t be sweeter if they’re together, though.

Alabaster -- real name Sylvana Locke, retired Dispatch Officer. frequently worked as a partner with Undertaker, and retains her romantic relationship with him. despite her youthful appearance, she’s absolutely ancient. shares the same morbid sense of humor with Undertaker, and can often be seen hanging around cemeteries looking at grave markers. doesn’t smile much, but when she does, RUN.

Blair Slingby -- Eric’s mother, retired Receptions Officer and now a homemaker. her real passion is music as well as taking care of Eric when he’s home. plays the piano and sings like nobody’s business. still holds the ‘most efficient typist’ award from her days in Receptions. she also loves Alan and considers him a part of the family as well.

Connor Slingby -- Eric’s father, working Senior Dispatch Officer. family is the most important thing in the world to him, and he’s almost desperate to keep Eric reminded of his heritage. at the end of a long day, he likes to sit by the fire, drinking brandy and listening to Blair play the piano. also considers Alan a part of their family, so much so that he calls Alan his son as well.

Heather Humphries -- Alan’s mother, a homemaker who never worked for the Dispatch. not illiterate, but can’t read or write very well. she was never very affectionate, but that didn’t mean she didn’t love her family. excellent cook, to the point that as a child Alan refused to eat anything unless his mother made it. deceased.

Lucien Humphries -- Alan’s father, a farmer who never worked for the Dispatch. typically a short-tempered man except with his son and wife. has a missing finger on one hand due to a work accident when he was younger. he could hold Alan for hours. hates it when anyone but his wife touches his hair. deceased.

Lily Knox -- Ronald’s mother, Junior Dispatch Officer. quiet personality, although she loves to have fun as long as there are people around that she knows. loves to play with her son’s hair and dance with him standing on her feet. speaks French and taught Ronald as much as she could. deceased.

Charles Knox -- Ronald’s father, Receptions Officer. fell into depression after his wife died and never really got out of it. tends to hide his sadness behind trying to be the life of the party. occasionally breaks rules, and has been caught drinking at work more than once.

Aubrey Sutcliff -- Grell’s mother, Records Officer. (transferred from the Dispatch Department.) is one of the most easygoing people you will ever meet. maybe a little too laissez-faire as it seems she’s indifferent to her child’s behavior. blind in her left eye due to an accident while still working as a Dispatch Officer. most comfortable in men’s clothes, the only way you’d get a dress on her is if she were dead.

Ashleigh “Ash” Sutcliff -- Grell’s father, homemaker and former Receptions Officer. genderfluid, uses he and she pronouns depending on the day. an exceptional reader and writer, has written several short stories and poems. is absolutely devoted to his child, although he's severely lacking in backbone. wears dresses more than anything else.

Anna Marie Spears -- William’s mother, ready-to-retire Senior Dispatch Officer. got pregnant out of wedlock, and her fiance left her when he found out, leaving her to be a single mother. although she’s bitter about her lot in life, she loves her son very much and wouldn’t give him up for anything. probably has chronic fatigue syndrome and can make anyone shut up with just a look.

Margaret “Peggy” Wilson -- one of the first female students at Weston, she also helps as a costume artist for the Funtom Music Hall. during that job, she took a shine to Cheslock and the two of them are practically inseparable now. is actually not very similar to her boyfriend; tends to be a doormat and stay out of the way unless expressing her creativity. only Cheslock is allowed to call her “Peggy”. anyone else will get the most withering stare.

Beatrice Till -- fresh-out-of-apprenticeship doctor for the Sphere Music Hall and Funtom Music Hall. is very serious about her work, less serious about the company she keeps. was a little suspicious of Bravat, but trusted him up until the point that Gregory collapsed from anemia. developed a close romance with Gregory while trying to nurse him back to health, and would absolutely take revenge on Bravat if she thought she could get away with it.

Katherine Lennox -- one of the first female students at Weston, she works as a makeup artist for the Funtom Music Hall. can’t stand Ciel or Sebastian, but is taken with Joanne despite them being complete opposites. is a vulgar loudmouth who smokes on school grounds and gives exactly zero fucks about the rules. is terrified of her emotionally abusive mother, and feels that school was her only chance at escape.

Morana and Morello Cosgrove -- two halves of the same ‘hermaphrodite’ demon. (think the same concept as Ash and Angela.) Morana tends to be quietly sadistic and seductive, but as soon as she’s got someone where she wants them, the switch flips where she becomes totally unhinged. Morello is the opposite, typically abrasive and rude, and when he’s got someone where he wants them, he becomes quiet and prideful. mutually unhealthy but dependent relationship with Ash and Angela.

Queenie -- improv performer for Noah’s Ark Circus, often performs with Joker as part of the opening routine. tends to involve her ‘crashing’ the festivities while Joker pretends to be surprised. is usually friendly and upbeat while performing, but a little stoic outside of that. suffers from occasional hallucinations which typically flare up when she’s kidnapping children with the rest of the group. is not happy with the Doctor’s attempts to medicate her. is missing one eye and has a glass eye in its place that’s a different color. (she pops it out as a joke around new people.)