#indepth study

[abasilence-ministries]

A must-have for your personal reference library, and a great gift for those called to the service of ministry as Ambassadors of Christ.

Untitled

[cable-salamdr]

I know a lot of people find genetics unnecessary to be general knowledge but I am telling you if you are a creator of any sort it can be incredibly good to know

[palespawn]

i know it's a popular fandom theory that astarion was a corrupt magistrate prior to his death/turn (which i think was a concept idea in the bg art book? i could be wrong), but i've seen a few other theories floating around that align with the opposite, which i'm kind of leaning towards here. like, he becomes a magistrate in baldur's gate, which is more of a progressive city than most others, with maybe the idea that he can do some good or make certain changes for the better and his rulings kind of start to disturb the status quo, which some powerful people/groups don't like and that eventuates in his murder. i just think it would be sadder for his character, especially since now he has no recollection of who he was prior to being turned into a vampire. cazador really twisted him and his ideals/morals, he goes from this studious, hopeful young man with promise to make his city potentially a better place, and instead becomes understandably bitter and angry, loses his faith, culture, and identity and thinks that the only way to escape the hurt and trauma and reclaim his autonomy is to gain that power for himself and inflict pain onto others.

[eurydiceatdawn]

dean and sam's relationship is so abrgajndk

because when it comes down to it dean doesnt treat sam like a brother instead he takes on the role of a parent without meaning to because he was literally forced to raise sam when they were growing up, and he can't let go of that mindset.

multiple times in the show he says shit like "you're not a kid anymore, you can take care of yourself" but he still takes care of sam anyway because it's what he's been doing his entire life. sam was venting about not having a mom or dad around during holidays but you wanna know who was there DEAN WAS THERE DEAN SET UP THE CHRISTMAS DECOR AND GOT GIFTS BC JOHN ABANDONED THEM ever since they were young john made dean promise he'd protect sam no matter what to the point where dean sold his SOUL for sam "they're codependent!" NO DEAN JUST TREATS SAM LIKE HE'S HIS SON

sorry im tweaking out i love supernatural

[color-coded-bear]

I'm posting my old omegaverse physiology musings on here from twitter so I can come back and add onto it if I ever want to

you know what i wonder abt omegaverse? how does the injection of pheromones when marking actually work?

like i get that there's supposed to be a gland in the back of the neck that they're supposed to bite when marking, but how exactly do the pheromones get injected by biting alone? is it a snake sort of situation? do the pheromones go through their canines or smth when they bite?

and we have an idea how the mark works on the omega's end, with the gland on the neck and all that but what about the alpha? how does the omega inject their pheromones into the alpha during marking?

do they excrete their pheromones into the alpha's mouth? how do they get injected into the alpha ? does the alpha just swallow it or smth? do they have smth in their mouth similar to a gland that absorbs the omega's pheromones?

if it's just the inhalation of pheromones or smth, then why do they not get one-sidedly bonded whenever an omega accidentally goes into heat around them and releases a buttload of pheromones?

what's the science here????

i'm gonna stop this train of thought here or else i'm gonna end up making up my own explanation and some sorta diagram to go with it

~~~

thinking abt omegaverse biology/science again

i know generally when it comes to mark removal procedures, ppl usually go for risky surgeries/gland removals for the angst factor but i propose an alternative, building off some of my previous thoughts/world building; what about an injection that tricks the scent gland into flushing the mark out like it would a temporary mark?

maybe the injection temporarily increases an omega's natural pheromone production within the gland, and bc the omega's natural pheromones outweighs the alpha's pheromones in the mark, the body goes "more pheromones than in the mark? is it a heat? no? then it must be a temporary mark" and begins the process of flushing out the alpha's pheromones

or maybe the injection goes straight into the scent gland and because whatever it is that's injected is very much Not Pheromones, the omega's body goes "!!! DANGER !!!" and flushes out /everything/ in the gland- including marks- until it deems the gland clean and safe

ofc with this one, i imagine that there's quite a few side effects. maybe bc it's a forced/emergency flush, the scent glands gets sore and swollen sorta like lymph nodes do. or perhaps the omega ends up smelling /really strongly/ because everything is getting expelled from their gland at once. maybe they temporarily stop producing pheromones while the gland flushes itself out, and i imagine that would have side effects of it's own. so they'd probably be out sick for a while until the process is complete.

if you want negative consequences for angst reasons for this sort of procedure, then perhaps getting the injection means forever damaging your gland. maybe the gland stops recognizing other pheromones and will flush out everything and anything that gets injected. or maybe, the gland just. never starts producing pheromones again.

for alphas, since their end of the mark uses their mouth, maybe they lose their sense of smell/taste as a result of getting the injection

maybe the body stops recognizing it's own pheromones and that's why it never stops flushing out the gland.

there's probably more possibilities, but that's enough from me for now

[supahstarrr]

i'm surprised i don't hear more people mentioning, quoting, or referring to Smith's study when talking about whitewashing vs "blackwashing" and the impact of these phenomenons—although, particularly when speaking about films. i really recommend reading Whitewashing v. Blackwashing: Structural Racism and Anti-Racist Praxis in Hollywood Cinema by Alyssa M. Smith.

Despite this study focusing on these phenomenons in the context of films and Hollywood, i'd even say that there's points written here that can easily apply to these phenomenons' manifestation in the context of art (⟵ using the less broader definition of "art" here) and the art community itself ^^

[uglyloki]

admittedly i am maybe only halfway into the game at this point (love having two jobs smh) but honestly i feel like dagna would've been a more appropriate choice for the story they seem to be setting up for harding??? tbh???

[possumkingluca]

I've finally decided that I need to stop putting it off and actually work on the languages for my book's setting because I really can't keep writing it without them and oh my god

this shit got hands

[imaginarianisms]

a.licent was there at larys' execution. btw

[abasilence-ministries]

The Book of Lamentations Unlocked(A Practical Application)

This is an unexpected study that Ive been sitting with all week. It is slowly being opened to me and what I am seeing pertains to today. I have to take this is small bitesized pieces as it is overwhelmingly eye opening. This is Lamentations 1:1 unlocked

[sheeezu]

Things to expect when you've mastered shifting

This isn't the normal "oh you'll feel on top the world" kind of post which just hypes up everything and the sole purpose is to motivate. This is (???) the logistics, the indepth version of what you'll face psychologically.

I've shifted close to about a hundred times, whether it was from this reality, or shifting within a reality I shifted.

This is all from my personal experience, you might experience differently.

⋆ Disassociation: when you shift back to your original reality, you'll often times confuse both reality's memory, of course, we all know this, doesn't matter if you shifted or not. But what I've seen no one talk about is that sometimes events and certain objects from your DR will unintentionally manifest into your CR, just because of how deeply rooted they become in your subconscious. For example, I had maybe mentioned this somewhere else, but in my DR I had scripted expensive china cups, which broke on my second day being there. Well two weeks ago my family was gifted the same teacups (some details were off) and one of them managed to get a crack in them after we served the guests tea in it.

⋆ Weird Dreams: Not only is the concept of the dreams weird, but overall mechanics of it are unusual as well (I didn't shift unconsciously in my dreams, that's one boundary I've established)

For example, dreams with people claiming to know the future, telling me, and it coming true the next day, but it being minor details, people from my DRs channeling me, dreams which involves falling out of reality/finding the end of the multiverse.

Dreams which involves me floating, strong winds which blow away entirely of the void reality (CR), I had started getting this dream since I've wanted to permashift, the wind is so strong and I feel it, I'm usually at my college and or doing a mundane activity in my current reality, everything dissapears and I end up in the void state for the rest of the night.

Once my S/O visited me in my dream, he asked me to come back home, it was a lucid dream so I consciously agreed because I couldn't deny him; ended up in my home reality.

⋆ Feeling weirdly sad about your CR: this one might be personal to me. truth be told, I haven't studied a single day since I've successfully shifted. This year all of my classmates and age fellows are going to start looking at university applications, the ones they mention are usually universities I used to dream all day long about getting into, when I didn't know about shifting. It forms a pit in my heart, the passion I once used to have regarding hardwork by investing blood sweat tears into studying, pinterest board filled with quotes such as "some dreams are worth more than my sleep" not stirring anything within me. It's not that I think I can't get these things, i know i can just shift to a parallel reality and get it, but I just don't want to, I don't feel the same about this reality anymore, slowly letting it go, no matter how much I try to cling onto it, I know I was never meant to be here.

⋆ Personality changes: When you become an expert at shifting its no question that you'd shift very frequently. Those DR selfs would influence your personality, and people can think you're developing a split personality disorder.

Take me as an example, if you look at the posts on my blog, you'd notice a different tone in each one of them, some are in a more softer tone and the others feel clinical.

⋆ Putting your DR family first, even though they're not here: I don't know how to explain this one, so I'd just take an example out of my own experience again.

I was out shopping with my mother for sweaters, the ones we were coming across were really good quality, but I could only think of my S/O, she was pointing out the things she thought I'd like, but I kept looking at the men's sweater, subconsciously trying to pick one out for him, which weirded my mother out slightly.

...

Why am I crying.

Anyways I have planned to permashift out of this reality before new year, it was my childhood dream to blog, but I was too shy to do so and never had anything common with anyone. But I've finally completed the final thing on my list, alongside with meeting my cousin who I adored, I decided to add her to my DR.

That's it, I'll go on and answer the 50 asks in my inbox.

...

[mikiib]

So this is actually AMAZING and more people need to see this. This was posted by my bestie ANoN- please consider checking them out! They’re my editor for most my works including my fanfics, and we have created a web series together called PARANOiD. If you like my works of art or quirky writing style and the fantastical mind, talent and organization skills of them, check it out here!

PS. They’re available for hiring as an editor as well as willing to be YOUR beta reader ;)

So You Want To Write #1 : The Amazing Digital Circus

In my work with the ever-impressionable and quick learning @mikiib, We often end up working with a particular dynamic on her creative projects, ranging from fanfiction to self-started fiction like our ongoing comic series, PARANOiD. She's a great artist, mind you- I wouldn't work with her if she wasn't- But our lives were spent very differently before we met; She chose a life of drawing, I chose a life of reading.

In this, I'm frequently put into the position of helping her make writing "sing" in the tune of what genre or media property she's drawing from. One of my many talents is my ability to quickly deconstruct and recognize the various influences a writer has taken from in a body of work, and The Amazing Digital Circus is one that I find a lot of people seem to misunderstand it's roots, and the kind of stories it's drawing from. To this, much-despised reader, I come to help, to scream from my digital soapbox the advice I would have needed a decade ago to write something properly.

THE AMAZING DIGITAL CIRCUS: Mr. Elison needs to stop watching PBS

Most casual fans of the Amazing Digital Circus would know that the Harlan Ellison short story "I Have No Mouth And Must Scream" is the conceptual well that ADC draws from. It's one hell of a starting point- for those unfamiliar, a brief recap- The last 5 humans on Earth are tortured and controlled by the A.I Singularity known as A.M, the maniacal, suicidally minded A.I. who, in realization of the inherent trappings of the microchip in his existence, chose to exert his frustrations on the global earth as a whole, leaving only these 5 to torment for the rest of existence as punishment for the sins of mankind.

... Quite a different story on the surface than ADC, no? But to engage with Mouth a surface-level retelling of events deprives the story of it's wit and candor. Harlan, as a writer, is a reader's antagonist- and his contempt for the people who read his stories is palpable.

Harlan professes, in this interview, an anger towards the concept of self-reverence- the idea that he, himself, is any more significant on this unholy thing we call "earth" than another person. Thus, he reacts to fans by despising them when they reject his jocular, irreverent sense of self as some kind of personal attack. This shows in his writing, if you consider how he views his typical set of characters. In "Big Sam Was My Best Friend", the titular Big Sam, a likable, if reserved teleporter in the far future of space travel is revealed to be a lout, a creep- A man who, when gifted the ability to teleport vast distances unbounded by energy or time, chose to spend his existence chasing a woman who hated him. In "Pretty Maggie Moneyeyes", we have Koster and Maggie: One a down-on-his-luck, pathetic idiot representing the average Vegas coin slot jockey, and the other, Maggie, a rage-filled prostitute who regularly John's for a sleazy mafia boss.

The marking of the Elison school of writing is to defy the status quo expectation of morality winning. Here, the characters are tragic figures driven by their own incompetence and lack of self-awareness- They continuously battle themselves, refusing the luxury and peace of the ordinary to try to shape reality to their will, and every time, reality bites back.

But what does this have to do with The Amazing Digital Circus?

HELL IS OTHER PEOPLE

In the pilot of Amazing Digital Circus, we get to know our selection of trapped souls with a unique lens of understanding that Pomni does not get- For her, these characters of the "Show" of the Amazing Digital Circus (I mean this in a meta sense- More on this later.) are strangers, who's cascading complexities will surely open up with time. But for us, the viewer, we exist beyond the 4th wall- We know we are watching a virtual play, in a sense, where we can expect that there is no dramatic spiritual transition in store for anyone- that whatever we discover will be building on the foundation of each archetype.

But what's unique to both Digital Circus and No Mouth is the reality that these characters know each other quite well- Too well, in fact. They have been trapped together for an unknowable amount of time- and with this knowledge, Pomni is played as the foolish interloper for expecting any more or better from each character.

In a "normal" show, Jax should learn a lesson from the Candy Castle plotline in the first real episode of the show. But in the Digital Circus, Jax CAN'T learn a lesson- because he's done this stupid song and dance a million times, and his reputation precedes him in the eyes of the rest of the circus. He is trapped, figuratively and literally, in his character- He is the cunty rabbit, in and out, because frankly, his own identity might be the only thing keeping him sane.

This is not to say Jax's character cannot change and develop in the space of the canon of the show, or in your own fanfiction writings- far from it- but you need to approach these characters with an understanding that they have been this way for a long, long time- much in the same way that the various psychotic behaviors of the trapped survivors in A.M. have been the same way for a long time, too. To maintain this status quo- this character's "stickiness" as a coping mechanism - is how the soul of Elison sticks through the Digital Circus.

Wait, a stuck Status Quo, with weekly adventures that, at this point, largely don't seem to affect the behavior on a weekly basis for most of the characters, in a bright and shiny animated environment? This sounds kind of like...

A Saturday morning kid's show.

No, Really: Hell IS other people.

This is the missing component people seem to miss about the Amazing Digital Circus- Its aesthetic, its connecting theme, its horror- it's all based on the simple, ironclad premise of a children's show.

Think about it. "People get stuck in a virtual world to solve problems each week meant to help teach them social and practical life skills" is a motif used in a variety of 2000's era CGI animated shows that would air on PBS and (Canadian Broadcast Cartoons). This is "ReBoot". This is "Jay Jay The Jet Plane". This is "Jane and The Dragon". The soft, pliable, safe consequenceless world of the Children's Cartoon is the A.M. Digital World that Caine has his "players" trapped in, much to their chagrin.

At first, this doesn't seem too bad- It's safe, for one. It's remarkably easy to exist in, for another- Food isn't an issue, beyond a simplistic pleasure behavior. There's no bathrooms, no need to sleep- nothing. But in this, the true hell arrives. Week after week, month after month, you continue to participate in "Games" meant to serve the same moral lessons you've heard a million times at this point, as the only break to the skull-fucking monotony of an existence trapped in a consequenceless space where nothing you say or do changes the reality around you. You are stuck in a padded room- where you cannot touch yourself, or others, or the world around you in a meaningful way. It is a gilded cage, that seeks to patronize you and break down your mentality to the point of acting like a monocentric character archetype for the education and entertainment of a captive audience of 12-year-olds with nothing better to do.

You can see how this changes a person's priorities, fast. In this, our Circus members choose to find relief in the only ways they can- with one another, in the only thing that CAN change- their feelings towards one another.

JAX becomes the cunty rabbit he is, because vexing his fellow players is at least some form of change and control for him that makes him feel empowered. Zooble refuses to participate, as their ennui and rejection of the concept of the show enables them to, at the very least, take a stance against Caine, their captor. Ragatha tries to remain optimistic and make the best of the bad situation, as maintaining a positive attitude lets her at least pretend she's making a difference. Kinger's cracked behavior of madness is him attempting to find meaning and test the boundaries of his own existence, as the oldest member of the Circus, in a attempt to break the tedium for himself. And Gangle is reacting with a massive victim complex- She makes herself out to be a pathetic, weak, spineless creature because she can't conceive of this reality being one she has to exist actively in, for she finds the whole effort futile.

Where does this place Pomni? Well, it's a search for her own meaning in the space of the Circus. She is still an "open character", meant to play the role of the Audience's fool- And the drama comes from us wondering whether she'll sink, or swim.

SO YOU WANT TO WRITE THE AMAZING DIGITAL CIRCUS

This is the soul of the show, distilled to a fine, thin gruel- If you want to make your fiction "Sound" Like The Amazing Digital Circus, you need to marry two concepts together- The horrific behaviors of Harlan Elison's characters in their efforts to deal with the ways life has personally screwed them, and the soul-sucking mundanity of the weekly format of the children's television serial. You present the cast with an adventure each week, one that is definitely below their intended age level, and let them react to it with their individualized efforts to escape the mundanity of the circumstances, in their own way- Jax tries to make everything worse, Ragatha tries to play along, and Pomni is still freshly experiencing everything for the first time.

This is not to say you can't do MORE with these characters and the base premise- @hootbon does an excellent job recontextualizing the idea of weekly "shows" with the circumstances of the abusive ringleader of a 1950s-styled circus. But they seem to understand the narrative underpinnings of the TADC in this rewritten examination; The cast is chained to the premise, and can only act within the dimensions of said premise- and what they do with those circumstances defines them as a person.

If you liked this blogpost, Give it a reblog and a like, and don't forget to follow me for more media analysis and creative endeavors. Below, you can vote on the focus of my next entry in "So You Want To Write" series. 

~ Yours Fallaciously, AN0N

[icantspellthings]

An indepth analysis of various Spocks using scales of Cuntiness and Bitchiness

TOS Spock

A category 10 quake on the Cunter-scale, has a PhD in cuntology. So cunty it breaks the meter, levels of cunt unimaginable to the ordinary man it cannot be categorised. The needle is spinning out wildly because his cuntiness cannot be measured by the usual metrics.

Highly Bitchy, but in a controlled way. Will lash out when put in situationsTM or placed with Doctor McCoy. Will tone down on bitchiness when comforting his Captain.

AOS Spock

Serving cunt but as a side and not the main course. Is highly cunty but not as much as Spock Prime. Has not has enough screentime to unleash his full Cuntology expertise. I recon he can serve more cunt but I need another movie to prove my theory.

Severly Bitchy, so bitchy it breaks the scale. The first time we see him on screen he is already bitching. Has a Bs, Ms, and PhD. in Bitchology. Putting him with his Captain or the CMO will increase bitchiness to levels that can't even be measured as our scales do not go that high. The bitchiest Spock yet.

SNW Spock

Still a young man and has not completed his studies in the art of being Cunty. In his compulsory heterosexuality fuck boy era but I see potential. Mildly cunty when he is allowed to be. I am confident that his cunt will increase when he learns about eyeshadow, eyeliners, mascara, lipstick and billowing robes.

A moderate bitch, generally nicer and more mild manner than the other spocks but he certainly has his momments. When placed with Sam Kirk bitchiness will increase exponentially over time. I am confident that overtime as his exposure to humans increases his bitching abilities can be properly honed and weaponised.

Honorary mentions

DISCO Spock and Short Treks Spock

[local-unintelligible-shifter]

Some World building changes to your Hogwarts DR if you want because what the fuck Joanne

(I don't know if i'm ever going to go through with making a script beyond world building, this is all from a hypothetical script that may or may not ever have any other work done)

Magic Schools: Okay so the cannon magical school distribution is wierd. How it works in my dr is that there are major magical schools like Hogwarts which take students from mostly close by countries with similar languages and is kinda like a melting pot for culture and learning (excluding countries that are massive or have a very high population though those are in central points in the nation and students who live in certain areas can still attend other nearby large magical schools if they want, think of school zones basically but it goes across countries) and then there are the "regular" magic schools, basically muggle schools but magical, theyre smaller obviously, theres more of them and theyre more tailored to the specific region culture magic wise and has a better oppertunity to get more indepth with the culture then major schools that normally take students from diffrent countries and hence cover multiple cultures (magical practice wise). - The oldest magical school is in China and isn't Hogwarts because why the fuck would it be hogwarts going off the history of education - Students get a basic non magical education beyond what they learn in whatever theyre previous schooling was, what they learn depends on the school but they definally continue math, science, language, geography and history, not just of the magical world

The fucking names: Seriously what kind of name is Cho Chang and who names their kid Wolf Wolf? I didn't script all the name changes and that my subconcious would come up with actual names. Some examples is that Remus still Reumus but has a diffrent surname and The Fat Lady (seriously why the fuck is she just 'the fat lady'?) is now Catherine

House elves: Why the fuck are there slaves? I removed house elves, theyre just Brownies which is what theyre based off, TLDR for those who arent familiar with Brownies, theyre a type of fae and household spirit that lives in a home and helps with housekeeping like cleaning, but in return they are to be given a portion of each meal, a seat by the fireplace and a place in the family. If they see the food and drink as payment they will get offended and leave, if you mistreat them they will get offended and leave, if you speak of theyre work they will get upset, if you give them clothes thats you basically saying to them that you don't think theyre clothing is adequate, get offended and leave. There is also a chance that instead of leaving they will become a boggart and terrorise the home. Some wizarding families do have brownies but they are as I said earlier, part of the family, they do not put up with any disrespect or mistreatment. Also theyre aren't any Brownies working at hogwarts, all the food is made with magic

More diversety: Enough said. Not just skin colour (even though we all know its depratly needed) but also cultural backrounds, gender, sexuality, religion, spirituality, ect

Spells: For the sake of Latin being one of the Ancestors to English there will be some spells in Latin at hogwarts but theyre relitavly new since Latin isn't that old of a language all things concidered. The spells learned depend on regions, lots of diffrent cultures have spells for similar or the same things but worded or performed diffrently. The really old spells (at least the ones taught at hogwarts specifically) are in Proto-Germanic, Old Gaelic, Old Norse and Old French due to the evolution of Britan as a country and it's history and the English language. Other anceint spells are taught and studied as a form of studying history

[petit-etoile]

Enemies to Lovers scenario with Astarion; The two are close enough to be friends, Tav accidentally calls him starlight, you decide how Astarion reacts to their little slip up.

ours are  untidy souls

pairing: astarion/tav wordcount:  1,126 content warnings:  no fighting but the aftermath,  minor mentions of injuries but no-indepth descriptions other tags:canon compliant, canon-typical violence, introspection, character study, hurt/comfort, whump, pre-relationship, gender neutral tav, human!tav archiveofourown: here.

tag list: @azrielshadows1nger, @pandimoostuff, @faevi, @microskies, @foreverthemaraudersera, @queenofthespacesquids, @claryvoyantfray, @6doodlaang14, @anne-isnotokay, @itshimbotime, @yeeteth-the-raven, @sessils,@8-opossums, @worryknotdear, @abirdaboxandachippedcup, be added to the taglist here

summary:

‘It is bitter,’ he says. ‘It will heal,’ you tell him. ‘It might hold a grudge,’ he says. ‘It will survive,’ you insist.

The Grymforge Guardian falls with little regard to its creator. Steam billows from the cool metal, and the Forge has broken pieces off of it that may never be repaired. You sag against the lever for but a moment to catch your breath. You wait for the ground to cool and the red-hot metal to return to a more natural color before tentatively touching your the toe of your boot to it. You decide it's cooled enough.

You race over to the second lever. Shadowheart is quick to make it to the center to check on Karlach who is lying next to the Guardian in a bundled heap, but you race to Astarion’s side and kneel next to him on the smoking platform. He’s resting against the other lever, head forward, and everywhere you touch is bruised and sweaty. You push his curls back from his forehead and cup his jaw so that he’s forced to look at you, and although the flickering of his eyelashes makes your stomach ache, he’s breathing and that’s good enough for you for now.

You push your hand against his shoulder and feel the heat leave his body to meld into yours. Astarion’s lungs fill with air in relief, and when he opens his eyes, he meets your gaze unevenly.

‘Don’t rush, starlight,’ you say cautiously. ‘Take it easy until Shadowheart can come to you.’

Astarion’s eyes soften and he closes them quickly to hide the betrayal. All around him lay the bodies of the imps he fought. Honestly, the team you put together handled it pretty well with little to no practice, navigating as one despite the  strange levers and a gargantuan thing swinging at them. You thank the gods for giving you Karlach, because the thought of you potentially having to go head to head with the Guardian by yourself almost makes you wish the worm would finish eating your memories.

You take in all of Astarion’s wounds. Little bites and nail scratches, a bruise on his cheekbone, but mostly, the heat has made him malleable and exhausted in your hands. You take it upon yourself to heal some of the more minor injuries he has. He doesn’t seem to breathe as you pour a drop of your potion into a bite on his shoulder or a nasty burn on his thigh, but he does stop you before you can take a better look at his cheek.

‘I’m fine,’ he says shortly.

‘Are you sure you don’t want me to tend to this?’ you ask.

You do touch his bruise then, and Astarion hisses at you like a wild beast. Before, you might have flinched away from his scary display but after these last few weeks, you know better. He’s scared of your kindness. He doesn’t know what to expect even though your hand is delicate. You press your thumb against a tender purple knot, and you can tell that it takes all of Astarion’s willpower to not snap at you.

‘Maybe I will let Shadowheart take care of this one,’ you say nervously. ‘It seems tender.’

Astarion’s jaw clenches. He thinks.

‘No,’ he says with finality. ‘I think  —  I think I would prefer it if you did it.’ 

You watch the pretty curve of his neck bobble when he swallows. He turns his chin towards you and refuses to look at you. He’s being brave. He’s being willing. Slowly, you touch the bruise again with shaking fingers.

In a move that reminds you all too much of Scratch and the Owlbear, Astarion leans his head into your touch. You’re captivated by the tremble in his eyelashes, the slope of his eyebrows as he fights a scowl, and the sad way he frowns. You feel his cheek for any sign of the unordinary, but there’s nothing but a bruise.

‘I don’t think a potion will help with this one, unfortunately,’ you whisper. ‘There’s nothing  —  There’s nothing wrong with it.’

‘It is bitter,’ he says.

‘It will heal,’ you tell him.

‘It might hold a grudge,’ he says.

‘It will survive,’ you insist.

Astarion says nothing. If the bruise is hurting him, he doesn’t acknowledge it. All he does is rest in your hands as if lifting his head on his own is too much effort. You allow him this touch. It’s the first time he’s allowed you to initiate anything even remotely affectionate. It makes your eyes water a little to think about it. You decide to say nothing lest it embarrasses him. You cherish this moment and slowly, you ease him into your arms more so that he’s leaning against your upper body, his ear at your heart.

Quietly, Astarion says, ‘Say it again.’

At first, you aren’t sure what it is that he wants. You want to tell him that he will heal, that he will survive, that he may not forgive or forget, but that he will overcome. Instead, you pet his hair as carefully as you can to avoid jostling him and press a tentative kiss to the top of his head. He burrows deeper into your arms and sighs like a weight has been lifted off his chest. In some ways, you think it has. You hold him as gently as you can.

‘You’re going to be fine, starlight,’ you say  —  and you’re partially shocked at how easily it rolls off the tip of your tongue. You’re almost certain that Astarion huffs at it, but he isn’t upset. No, it’s something entirely else.

You’re holding something delicate in your hands. Astarion would not be like this with anyone else but you. He trusts you, and honestly, the thought terrifies you. It’s not that you have to be careful. It’s not that you have to be cognizant. It’s that there is something so genuine about the bond he is offering you on his own terms. He is choosing to be vulnerable with you. It makes your throat close up.

You would cry if you weren’t so worried about everyone. Astarion eventually pulls away from the safety of your arms and appraises you himself. He smudges smoky residue away from underneath one of your eyes and takes a look at a nasty cut you received to your scalp, but all it takes is a little drop of the potion shared between you to get it to where it doesn’t need stitches. You two sit facing one another, your hands meekly in your lap, Astarion sagging forward as though his only desire is to find a bed. Eventually, he looks up at you and with faint exhaustion clouding the openness of his features, and chews on his bottom lip.

‘You can say it again,’ he says.

You smile for the first time in hours. ‘Alright, starlight.’

[the---hermit]

My Study Method

I have quickly mentioned my study method in several posts through the years but I don't think I have ever written a proper post about it, so here it is.

I have to say that overall my study method is quite time consuming, but in years of experience it's what works best for the type of learner I am, the materials I have to study and the type of exams I have. I believe these three elements are the fundamental things you should figure out when creating your own study method. Let's go over these things quickly. Firstly I am an history student, tho not all my exams are history based (I have taken some language, philosophy, anthropology and litterature classes) so my method is proofed for most humanities. I am a learner with terrible memory, if you give me a list of things to learn by heart expect me to fail because my brain simply cannot do that. So I have to train myself to learn things when studying for an exam. As for the type of matherials I have to work with when studying for an exam, they are mostly full non fiction books, sometimes I have to work on articles as well, and depending on the class I have lectures to attend.

The fundamental element of my study method are the notes I write. That's why in my daily posts I am constatly mentioning them. The lectures I attend are turned into notes, the books and articles I have to read are turned into notes, everything you leave me with for too long will be turned into notes. The very act of writing is what truly helps me get into the topic, understand it, and memorize it. I might write an indepth post on how I write notes in the future, but for now what you must know is that the goal of my notes is to be the only material I actually study in the end. As I mentioned the very act of writing is itself a huge part of my study process. When I am listening to a lecture I try to write down notes as tidy as possible, and then try to fix them at home if needed. So there's not much to say there, as for the materials I have to read here's how I do it. When I get a book I have to study I usually read a chapter and underline all the important bits that I will be transferring to my notes as I am reading. When I am done with the chapter and have the topic still fresh in mind I write down by hand all my notes. The goal is to write everything I need to know, in a direct and easy way using my own words. By re-elaborating the original text I am making sure I am not blindly copying things, and actually understanding stuff. Once the entire book has gone through this process, the book goes back on the shelf and as I said I only work on my notes from then one.

Once I have all my notes ready a long time has probably passed, but in reading and writing I have already started to memorize things in general. I try to highlight my notes as I am writing, but in case I don't I go back once I am done writing, doing a quick reread and highlighting important stuff. I usually use two different colours: yellow for the important dates and another colour for the other informations. At this point there's two more steps left. Repeating and writing key words.

If writing notes can be counted as half of my studying, repeating outloud is the second half. Since I have oral exams I have to make sure I am comfortable with exaplaining things, showing I have understood things and I am not just midlessly reciting a list, and using the right terms. I am a very lucky person because my dad is both retired and quite interested in the topics that I study, which means that I get a lot of help from him in this phase of studying, because basically what I do is following him around the house for a few days exaplaining my notes to him. If you do not have someone to annoy with your study, talking to yourself works too but you have to speak outloud and honestly pretend you are giving a lecture. If you just go over your notes and read them it is not the same thing, it's way less effective. I usually do two rounds of repeating. The first one looks a lot more like reading and saying things outloud in my own words. By the second one I am usually much more comfortable with informations so I have my notes there only to guide me through topics making sure I don't miss anything. Having someone who actively listents to you is definitely a bonus because if they ask you questions they challenge you in the exact same way an oral exam does, and you make sure your exaplainations are as clear as possible.

The very last step is going through my notes one last time with the goal of writing a long list of key words. This is a tool I specifically use to review things quickly the day of the exam. Usually during my commute I reread the list of words in my head and I mentally make sure I remember about everything.

As mentioned this is a longer study method but it truly locks things in your brain, and paying that much attention to note writing also makes them a tool that lasts in time. If I am interested in the informations of any of the books I read during my degree I can pick the notebook in which I wrote those notes and find the information right away without even having to open the actual book. I usually dedicate a whole notebook to each book, in order to archive and find them easily. I will be writing a specific post on the way I write notes, maybe including a few pictures, but in the meantime I hope this was somewhat helpful.