#incorrect thumb wrestling federation quotes

[crossoverquest]

Adam: Have at thee- *Takes a crowbar to the knee* AH, MY FUCKING KNEES!

Alastor: Get crowbarred, bitch!

Mireille: Thanks for the crowbar, Mugsy.

Adam: Mugsy, what the fuck?

Mugsy: I don’t know. I’m bored.

[crossoverquest]

One fight later…

Rolf: Aaaagh! AAAAAaaaaaa…!

Itsy Bitsy: What the hell?

Mugsy: Rolf, where the hell are you going?

Rolf, flying through the air: I DON’T KNOW!

Sickly Sour: You gravity defying son of a bitch! GET BACK HERE!

here have a dumb twf post haha wheee

kind of inspired by @crossoverquest Big Time: ‘Ey, Rolf, where are ya- Rolf: …I messed up.  Big Time: …Okay, what did you do. Rolf: Promise you’re not gonna say anything. Big Time: That all depends on what you did. So what did you do. Rolf: Well, uh…as you know, I…kind of…sorta…fell for someone. Like…i kinda…love them. A lot. Big Time: Mhm… Rolf: It’s a Dextera… Big Time: Oh, yeah, you messed up with that. But uh, you seem more nervous? Like worst Senator Skull can do is yell at you…Like, i guess you mean you like Mindy or Wasabi? Rolf: …Nope.  Big Time: Wait…you mean…Oh. Oh NO. Is that why Sour’s been so angry lately?! Because you fell for his sister? Rolf: YEAH I KINDA MESSED UP. HE FOUND MY DIARY AND READ IT. Big Time: Yeah, uh…quick question, what do you want on your tombstone when Sour eventually gets you?

[incorrectgotgquotes]

Kraglin: Alright, Cosmo! No more dirty tricks!

[Cosmo holds up a mop and a full mop bucket with her psychic powers.]

Cosmo: How about a clean trick?

[bbu-fan-blog]

A random female Bellhop in the Shelby Hotel: Attention, please, Billie! Billie, please report to the front lobby; your sword is being stolen by giant slugs.

Billie: YOU ASKED FOR IT, SLUGS! NOW THIS IS PERSONAL!

Darn you, slugs!

[thepowerposter]

Big Star: (holds up a net) Firmly grasp it in your hand. (puts it on Ouch's hand, but the net falls) Firmly grasp it. (the net falls again) Firmly grasp it! (rams it through Ouch's hand)

Ouch: (lets out a muffled scream of pain)

Big Star: That ought to do it.

[pcwpolwrestling]

PCW Newsline- The Aftermath of Loose Cannons Unleashed 10

“Tithe! Tithe! Tithe every penny to the altar of the big government state you ungrateful freeloaders so we can have really neat things like a billion dollar train system.” – Governor Jerry Brown (D-CA)

LOOSE CANNONS UNLEASHED 10 RESULTS:-‘Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene’ Halitosis defeated Dick Van Damn -Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja: Hank, Tiny, and Stan defeated the Goatbusters: Ray Scantz, Peter Jenkman, and Ergon.-Ultimate Social Justice Warrior (Progressive Alliance) defeated Kirk Walstreit (American Patriots)-‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (Progressive Alliance) defeated ‘Red Solo Plastic Cup’ Ray McAvay (Les Miserables)-PCW TAG TEAM TITLE: Dork Dynasty: Leonard and Sheldon Robertson defeated Starz N. Stripes and Magnum P.O.’d (American Patriots) (C) -MAIN EVENT/PCW TITLE: William Daniels Bryan (Les Miserables) defeated ‘Japanese SuperDestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka (Progressive Alliance)

(REPLAY: PCW is Politico War on P-SPAN- May 19th, 2017)Dawn McGill walked out on to Hack’s Rusty Nail stage to deliver some remarks.

Dawn McGill: Good evening everyone. My name is Dawn McGill. I am the owner of Political Championship Wrestling. On Sunday May fourteenth, we ran our flagship show, Loose Cannons Unleashed, at the ceremonial home of PCW- Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon- that was supposed to air that night. It did not and we believe that you, the fans of PCW…the ones who’ve stood by us over the past twelve years…deserve an explanation why.

McGill steps forward towards the ropes.

Dawn McGill: Before the show, I was handed an ultimatum by ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann and CSPN CEO Mark Splitter on behalf of what I’ll call the (McGill does the air quotes hand gesture) ‘Establishment.’ McMann shoved a piece of paper in my face and told me that either I sign over complete booking control of PCW to him right then and there or else he had attorneys waiting to file suit to break the contracts of every wrestler in the American Patriots, Progressive Alliance, and the Sports Entertainment Corporation and them follow him to a reactivated, and CSPN supported, new wrestling company.

BOOOOOOOOOO!

Dawn McGill: I know…I know…so, with the specter of our card being completely blown up if the ‘Big Three’ factions walked, I did the only thing that I could do.   I told Mr. McMann and Mr. Splitter this- don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.

‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann brought his Political World-wide Wrestling Federation back last night on CSPN (Corporate Sports-entertainment Programming Nation). The PWWF’s Thursday Night Shakedown (the Blue show) returned and crowned new champions: PWWF Champion Yamamoto Tanaka (Sports Entertainment Corporation), Tag Team Champions James the Jeep Worker and Union Jack Taylor (Progressive Alliance), and Women’s Champion Tessa Martin (Sports Entertainment Corporation).

PWWF’s Thursday Night Political Shakedown- May 25th, 2017 Recap

PROFESSOR McCARTHY SPEAKSProfessor McCarthy and his Flock (The Green World Order: Peta from PETA/GreenPete/’Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee/PeaceNick, The Young Jerks: Zenk Cryger/James Idahola/Anna, Codee Pink, and Emily S List) all beam as they celebrate inside the ring.

Professor McCarthy: What a great day! It’s not only great to be back home in California. It’s great to know that we’ve won. We have shouted down the Les Miserables. Just like we shouted down the Ann Coulter’s and her ilk and kept them from spewing their uninformed, bigoted bile in Berkeley, we have shouted down the ignorant, racist, unenlightened rabble and sentenced them to oblivion.

The Flock enthusiastically applaud.

Professor McCarthy: Now my friends, let me read from the good book once again…

McCarthy holds up the ‘good book’.

Professor McCarthy: …the good book that tells us things that are correct or incorrect to say, think, or believe. Let us remind everyone once again what the good book says.

The professor opens up the book.

Professor McCarthy: Those who are unenlightened, mainly in what is termed as ‘flyover country’ or red states and counties, who aren’t as worldly as we are, should throw their support towards those are.   That would be- people like us.

The GWO, Codee Pink, List, and the others listen raptly as he speaks.

Professor McCarthy: Once the unenlightened see the light and show support for the right and approved candidates, the unenlightened should then simply shut up and do what they are told to do. The unenlightened should then believe what they are told to believe. The unenlightened should think what we tell them to think. The unenlightened should say what they are told to say- read what they are told to read. Listen to what they are told to listen to. Because they are incapable of making these choices for themselves.

All: Here, here.

Professor McCarthy: If one of the unenlightened try to express their unenlightened view, you shall immediately and forcefully shout them down and shout down all ideas, thoughts, statements our enemies make opposing us as they are unenlightened and their ideas, thoughts, statements are dangerous to the greater good. With the media by our side, big government can be our savior.

McMANN SPEAKS Sports Entertainment Genius Mr. McMann, CSPN CEO Mark Splitter, and SEC Mouthpiece Phil Finebaum are in the ring.

Mr. McMann: PCW…tsk…tsk…tsk… You all still don’t get it. After all these years, you still don’t get it.  You all mean nothing to me.  You want to play bingo halls- fine. Go for it. Why?  Because that’s what PCW deserves.  Why did I walk out of your pathetic little pay per view show last week and then prevent it from being aired?  Because I can.  That’s right…because I can.  And when PCW folds up their circus tent once again…which I figure will be in the next month or two, I will take great pleasure in watching the whole lot of you come crawling to me looking for a job.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Mr. McMann: Yes, way. A few years ago, I would have been really worried about being on the opposite side of Dawn McGill. Now, she’s a mother and divorced from her second husband. Dawn McGill can’t manage her personal affairs much less a political wrestling company.

McMann points at the camera.

Mr. McMann: And let’s be honest here, none of you can cut it in PWWF. Your champion, William Daniels Bryan, is the ‘Most Uninteresting Man in the World.’ Ladies and gentlemen, you are paying good money to watch substandard talent led by a mediocre champion. I have one of the best wrestlers in the world in Yamamoto Tanaka and the best of the former PCW wrestlers. The bottom line is I have all the cards, I have all the resources, and I have all the power. Soon enough, I will remind everyone just who really calls the shots. The reality of the world is- you can’t fight city hall and money talks.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Mr. McMann: Oh shut up. Democratic representative Anna Eshoo of the great state of California-

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Bryan flashes a thumbs down.

Mr. McMann: As I was saying…Anna Eshoo of California had it right. We shouldn’t kow-tow to people in Podunk USA. We should be focusing on Silicon Valley, the well-to-do, anywhere where the MONEY IS! That’s right. That’s why we’re in California- where the money is. Do you know how much we charged for these front row seats? Two thousand dollars. Why? Because I can and these people have the cache and cash flow to pay for it. Take a look…

The camera on the video feed scans around the arena in Los Angeles. It shows Hollywood celebrities, political high rollers, and corporate big wigs all occupying the best seats in the house.

Mr. McMann: These people aren’t freeloaders. These people are paying good money to be at MY show and therefore paying good taxes to the State of California.

And of course, the SEC mouthpiece Phil Finebaum has to get in a parting shot.

Phil Finebaum: And Jim Harbaugh still sucks!

‘THE ONE MAN HOLLYWOOD A-LIST’ STONE CHISM ATTACKEDStone Chism received a rough reception when he appeared at the PWWF show last night.  The Blue Champion was also crowned during the Political Shakedown show- the Ultimate Social Justice Warrior defeated ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism.

Then, Chism was confronted by ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels after the match.

“Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels in the ring.  George Clooney and Matt Damon, along with their sizable entourage, surround the ring and clap.

Man: My name is Kevin Daniels.  I remember what Stone Chism did three years ago at the PCW B.A.S.S. show.

(REPLAY: PCW B.A.S.S. Show- May 31st, 2014)McMann leans back against the ropes and motions back to Chism.

Mr. McMann: The best thing I can say, Stone, is at least you don’t cramp up in big matches like LeBron James does.  So, are you going to come out already or what?

Chism pauses.

Stone Chism: Yes.

The crowd gasps.  The Hollywood contingent clap and pat Chism on the back.  Then a commotion erupts.

Johnny Suave: What the-  HERE COMES THE GOD SQUAD!

The God Squad aka…Rev. Oral Hinnrich and Rev. Buddy Flambe shoot into the ring and attack Chism.

Johnny Suave: THE GOD SQUAD HAS RETURNED TO PCW AND THEY ARE DOUBLE-TEAMING THE ONE MAN HOLLYWOOD A-LIST!

Clooney and Damon’s bodyguards then pull the Pious Pair off Chism and form a protective wall in front of him. Chism picks up the microphone again.

Stone Chism: YES! I’M COMING OUT!  I’M………A CONSERVATIVE!

*GASP*

Johnny Suave: WHAT!

The crowd gasps again.  The jaws of the Big Hollywood contingent drop.

Stone Chism: That’s right.  When it comes down to it, I find myself more in tune with conservatives.  Real conservatives. Not the wacked out factions who’ve hijacked the name.  I am the master of my own destiny.  I don’t need anyone else to accomplish my goals.  And I think the concept of spending trillions of dollars more than you take in is the absolute heighth of irresponsibility.

Daniels says that everyone has to ‘choose sides’ in life and three years ago Chism chose wrong.

Kevin Daniels: Hollywood are Progressive who believe in diversity.  Chism was wrong then not to believe in the same things.  He’s wrong now after trying to hide what he did.

Daniels calls Chism a ‘quitter’ for coming out as a conservative.

Kevin Daniels: You’ve let George Clooney down.  You’ve let Matt Damon down.  You’ve let Alec Baldwin, Aaron Sorkin, Amy Schumer, and all the rest of the Hollywood elites down.  You’ve let down all their fans.   You’ve betrayed them. But here in PWWF they’ll be treated with the respect they deserve.  And they’ll support someone who truly represents what Hollywood stands for- me.

A brief pull apart brawl resulted and Chism was unceremoniously kicked out of the arena.

GOVERNOR BROWN SPEAKSGovernor Jerry Brown (D-CA) steps into the ring and stands next to McMann, arms extended outwardly.

Governor Brown: Tithe! Tithe! Tithe every penny to the altar of the big government state you ungrateful freeloaders so we can have neat things like a billion dollar train system.

Berkeley, California Professor McCarthy and several members of his Flock then climb into the ring holding offering plates overflowing in cash. They take them over to Governor Brown and stack them up on the mat.

But there’s one missing. Brown does not look pleased.

Governor Brown: Where’s the other one?

The camera zooms up to the cheap seats. The Young Jerks Zenk Cryger and James Idahola are trying to rip a twenty dollar bill out of the hands of one of the audience- clearly a middle class American.

Zenk Cryger: Give me your money!

Man: No!

Cryger and Idahola finally wrest the bill away and shout down the person for good measure.

‘SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT GENIUS’ MR. McMANN INTERVIEWAfter the show, Mr. McMann had further comments.

On the return of PCW Yes.  They came back…again.  I agreed to work with them…again. But I see the same thing happening that’s happened before…PCW will fail…again. Undercapitalized.  Running third rate smaller cities. I don’t see how their business model can work long term.  You need financial strength to survive.  You need people willing to invest in your company.

So why did you work with PCW then? Why not?  I took a chance that maybe, just maybe, Dawn McGill would have come to her senses and realize she’s completely out of her depth. I was wrong.   She persists with this political wrestling crap instead of letting me instill what the people want to see- sports entertainment. McGill also insists on an outdated model of money management

You mean not spending more money than you make? Sometimes, you have to spend money to make money.  Invest.  Speculate to accumulate.

Yeah, that’s worked so well for the Federal Government. What?

Never mind.  Your thoughts on PCW Champion William Daniels Bryan. I don’t have any thoughts on William Daniels Bryan. Don’t get me wrong, he’s good.  But he’s middle of the pack in PWWF.  He’s a middle sized fish in a small pond.

PWWF Women’s Champion ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin It’s a shame she didn’t embrace my genius in sports entertainment until recently.  She could have been a big star.  But better late than never. And I think it’s a telling commentary on Dawn McGill when her best friend (Tessa) and her younger sister (Regina McGill) sided with me instead of her.

Charlie Blackwell Charlie can’t grasp the bigger picture.  Money and resources matter.  Blackwell won’t get the same education working at PCW that he would working for me.

The Future We’re going to win this so-called war with PCW and put them out of business once and for all.

*************************************

PCW STATEMENTAfter keeping a low profile this week and reported working hard behind the scenes with unnamed people in moving forward, PCW Owner Dawn McGill released a formal statement concerning the future of PCW this morning.

“In lieu of what happened at PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 10, PCW has taken a step back this week to regroup and plan for the future. Yes, PCW has a future. This weekend, PCW gets back on the road with three shows in Pennsylvania and we will continue to address recent events there.

PCW will replay Extreme Election Night 2016 tonight on PCW is Politico War on P-SPAN. We will then return to the airwaves next Monday night with Extreme Political TV.”

So, tonight will be a replay of PCW Extreme Election Night 2016.

Then Monday night, the return of PCW Extreme Political TV.

[crossoverquest]

Cleat: Isn’t it a little embarrassing to get beaten up by a sea cucumber?

Goh: Have you ever been hit by the Cuvierian tubules of a Pyukumuku? I could arrange it for you.

[crossoverquest]

Opal: This is the last time you make me out a fool, Mugsy Thumbscrew. You wanna play me hard?

Raihan: Phrasing.

Mugsy: You know I do.

Opal: Well then you'd better nut up…

Raihan: Phrasing!

Opal: …Because I've swallowed just about as much as I can take from you!

Raihan: Hey! Phrasing!

[crossoverquest]

Location: Somewhere in Reno, Nevada

Leon: Being here, it’s hard not to think about that night…

Pei Pei: You came!

Leon: Pei Pei…

Daddy Dearest: Pei Pei, my daughter, and I were kinda worried you might not.

Leon: Huh? Of course I came!

Girlfriend, not entirely believing her ears: Uh, phrasing?

[crossoverquest]

Masuko: Is Bucks as strong as he purports, or is it based on his support? He’d be powerless without his old friend Steve~

Bucks: Oh, please…

Masuko to Tatiana: And here’s the sugar on the cream: He asked me to join his team! I said no, and now he’s pissy; that’s the tea!

[crossoverquest]

Tatiana: And now it’s time for the face off.

Bucks: What does that mean? Do I get to compete with someone else?

Tatiana: No, it’s like I said: Face…

*Tatiana takes out her clock swords.*

Tatiana: …Off.

[crossoverquest]

The Big Time to Judge Doom: You’re headed for a fall, your dishonor.

Judge Doom: How exactly?

The Big Time: Undead cartoon villains have yam sacks, right?

[crossoverquest]

Captain Carpal to Lucy: Ye can’t put a price on Polly, and I won’t forgive that thieving bilge rat Luxor for kidnapping him!

*Lucy grabs Captain Carpal’s throat.*

Lucy to Captain Carpal: LISTEN, YOU BLACK BEARDED CRETIN! LUXOR AND HIS LOT HAVE BEEN LIVING IN MY HOUSE, DRIVING ME CRAZY, AND YOU’RE NOT GONNA FORGIVE HIM HIS TRESPASSES ALL BECAUSE OF A STUPID PARROT!?

*Polly is escorted to the scene by Abigail, which prompts Lucy to let go of Captain Carpal.*

Abigail: Is this your parrot, Captain?

Captain Carpal: Polly! Oh, Polly, I'll never lose you again.

Lucy: So, this is Polly?

Polly: Squawk! I've been under Captain Carpal’s command for a long time, Lowe.

Lucy: So, if Luxor never stole Polly, we can be friends again, right?

Captain Carpal: Aye, Lucy, just let Polly and I have our privacy.

[crossoverquest]

For @geckosquid, @bergeronprocess, @boymagicalgirl, @neopolitansworld, and @amyfevernight

Senator Skull’s Skeletal Council Meeting

Kabaton: It’s not my fault! LEAVE ME ALONE!

Battamonda: Yes, it is! You wanted the sodding Matcha Frappuccino, you dingus!

Cactus Jeff: No, remember? I wanted the Matcha Frappe, he wanted the Double Frappe!

Huck: All of you, cut the Bull-Frappe, blame Bucks, and, like, keep running!

Bucks: I didn’t mean to break it, Senator! I just sneezed, I swear!

Senator Skull, furiously: And I’m gonna finish breaking it over your god damn heads! YOU DON’T COME BETWEEN A MAN AND HIS COFFEE!

James, who entered the scene with a cannon: I am also contributing!

[crossoverquest]

Location: Somewhere in Miami

Sheeta to Dexter: Hey, pal, watch where you're going!

Dexter: Eh. Alright there. Take my advice and get outta here. There's something really bad in PortMiami. You just don't wanna go in there.

Sheeta: Calm down. Now, just calm down and tell me what's the matter.

Dexter: Right. Ok, it all started about two days ago...

Tom: I..it was us and our parents’ friends. We were havin a cup of tea. The next thing we know, Mr. Goatetsky was gone.

Dexter: We couldn't find him! We thought: “Ah, maybe he's just gone off, ya know, do a bit of shopping or something.” He never came back.

Tom: Travis was next. He was just walking along, minding his own buisness, so I stood there and I said "Hey, Travis! How'ya doin there, like, mate?" And he waved over…

Dexter: And that was it. This thing came out of the water, and I thought to myself: “Oh no. Oh, oh, I’m getting me and Tom out of this!", and when we came out, cause I thought it was all clear, my friends were gone. Our mother Yae left us behind in her haste. We’re outta here. You can do what you like.

Tom: Wasabi’s up there if you can be arsed to find her. See ya.

[crossoverquest]

For @geckosquid, @bergeronprocess, @boymagicalgirl, @neopolitansworld, and @amyfevernight

Prelude to the TWF Sweet 16 Tournament: Part 1

Hometown Huck: Wouldn't exactly say it's nice to see you again.

Bucks, crossly: Bite me.

Huck: I'd rather bite the dust.

Bucks: Good. I'll kick some up for you.