#incorrect night court quotes

[boasamishipper]

Harry: I married my husband. I love saying “my husband.” It sounds so adult. “That’s my husband.” It’s great, you sound like a person. I said it even before we were married. We were once getting on an airplane, and Dan’s ticket didn’t say anything and my ticket said “priority access.” It doesn’t matter why. But we were getting on and I said, “Uh, can my husband board with me?” And they were like, “Yes, of course. Right this way.” And I was like, “Oh, that is so much better than all those times I was like, ‘Can my boyfriend come?'”

[42-rats-in-a-trenchcoat]

Dan: oh please God, just give me a sign!

Harry: *walks through the door*

Harry: Hey Dan!

Dan: Not exactly what I expecting but beggars can't be choosers

[shallyne]

Feyre: it's my wedding day

Rhys: Nuh uh

Feyre: THE FUCK YOU MEAN NUH UH?

[acomaflove]

Azriel: Bat of Mischief

Feyre: So your abilities give you the ultimate degree of stealth, right?

Azriel: Yes…………where are you going with this?

Feyre: I was just wondering if you have ever used them for fun stuff, like pranks.

Azriel, grinning like a fiend: Oh, absolutely. I still occasionally use them to tie Cassian’s boot laces together when he isn’t paying attention.

Feyre: So THAT’s why he fell the other day after dinner!

Azriel, still smiling: It’s been 40 years and he STILL hasn’t figured out why that keeps happening to him.

[aprill-99]

Rhys: “So let’s see if I’ve got this; you have immense shadow power, incredible combat skills, height, tattoos, secrets, dead parents, a thirst for vengeance, the weight of the world on your shoulders, a rebellion to lead, and a dragon?”

Xaden: “Yeah? I mean, there’s also my girlfriend who I’m completely in love with and 107 people under my protection but-”

Rhys: *frantically flipping through papers* “this is the hyper-intelligent girlfriend with unprecedented lightning powers? The one you speak to with your mind and call a nickname permanently?”

Xaden: “I do only have the one girlfriend. Kinda offended you’d think otherwise.”

Rhys: *signs a paper* “Adopted. The rebellion thing is handled. Me and your aunts and uncles have got this. Your new mom is going to need some time to add you and your mate to the family portrait gallery. Your bedroom is upstairs, knives are in the training ring, family dinner is every Thursday, your allowance is infinity and your curfew is never.”

Xaden: “I am…. Older than your wife?”

Rhys: “Did I fucking stutter?”

[lyssasdrafts]

kidnapper on the phone: we have your son

feyre, staring at nyx: he’s with me right now?

kidnapper: then who’s this illyrian demanding we cut the crust off his sandwich and read him bedtime stories?

feyre: …

feyre: i can’t believe they have cassian

[i-only-see-daylight]

*Having a family dinner*

Amren: Can you pass the pepper?

Cassian: What’s the magic word?

Amren: *Clearly not impressed*

Amren: *Starts chanting in the old language*

Cassian: *Panicking and shoving pepper into Amren's hands* JUST TAKE IT! TAKE IT, OH MY GOD!

[lavenderandturpentine]

Feyre: *breathes*

Rhysand: Thank the gods and the heavens above for blessing me with this beautiful woman to be my mate.

[ravlykpavlyk]

aftg is both my therapy and the reason I need this therapy.

[acourtofmishapandmistakes]

Rhysand: The word of the High Lord is right and true; he is faithful in all he does. The High Lord loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of his unfailing love.

Azriel: Just because the Bible has the word "Lord" in it, doesn't mean it's talking about you.

[totallyrwbyquotes]

[Taiyang seeing Raven for the first time]

Taiyang: She's a beauty.

Qrow: She used to be a man.

Taiyang: What's your point?

[incorrect-piltover-quotes]

Vi: I was a pretty lousy sister.

Caitlyn: You couldn't have been that bad.

Vi: My last words to Powder were "There is no Santa Claus."

Ezreal: What!?

Caitlyn: Don't listen to her, Ez.

[scottishaccentsareawesome]

(when Hangman is a guest instructor at TOPGUN, but Rooster has just messaged him that he just got to town) Hangman(to Maverick): Captain, circumstances of a very urgent, personal nature have arisen and regrettably force me to ask for the rest of the day off. Maverick(not looking up from his paperwork):....Sex or money, Hangman? Hangman: Oh, I'm hurt! Oh, I'm offended! That you would jump to such an assumption! Has it ever occurred to you that I could be in the middle of a, a personal tragedy?! (Maverick looks up at him and quirks an eyebrow) Hangman:....Sex!

[shallyne]

Rhys: How's your head?

Feyre: I haven't had any complaints yet

Rhys: Excuse me?

Feyre: I'll live

[acomaflove]

Nesta: Can you come with me to come bail Cassian out of jail?

Rhysand: I think you can handle chastising him on your own.

Nesta: But who is going to handle reprimanding Feyre when she gets bailed out too?

Rhysand:

Rhysand:

Rhysand: Not again

[aprill-99]

How it started *Under the Mountain*:

Feyre: “So that’s the love of my life.”

Rhys: “Really? Tamlin? That guy?”

Feyre: “Yeah. Thoughts?”

Rhys: “And prayers. Girl what-”

Where it went *Early ACOWAR*:

Feyre: “So this is my mate.”

Lucien: “Really? Your mate is that guy?? Rhysand???”

Feyre: “Yeah. Thoughts?”

Lucien: “And Prayers. Girl what-”