#incorrect hotchniss

[emilyshotchrocket]

Rossi after finding out about Hotchniss: Aaron I swear to god if you break my daughter’s heart, I’ll break your fucking kneecaps and shove strawberries down your throat.

Hotch (who is Allergic to strawberries): Y’know there was a time you used to refer to me as your son.

Rossi: I never once referred to you as my son. I referred to you as my hellion.

Hotch: That time you almost had a heart attack because I ate strawberry shortcake and you stabbed me with my epi-pen, smacked me upside the head and then you called me son.

Emily: bro just let me have a father, don’t ruin this for me.

Hotch: Emily. If you call me bro one more time I swear, I’m actually gonna dump you.

Garcia: am I the only one concerned about the fact he ate something he was allergic to?

Reid: he might’ve not known it was strawberry cheesecake?

Rossi: it had strawberry’s on top.

[lilliejareau]

Emily: *hiding something in her coat* I think we should adopt another kid.

Hotch: No.

Emily: Why not??

Hotch: Because when you say “kid”, you mean “cat”, and we already have fifteen of those.

Emily: *unzips coat* Sixteen.

[reqvlvs]

officiant: now, repeat after me-

emily: after me

officiant, to hotch: are you sure you want to marry this one?

[sequinsmile-x]

Incorrect Hotchniss Quote:

Aaron: Emily, if you die, for real, do you want to be buried or cremated? If you get hit by a bus what do I do?

Emily: Go after the bus driver and make him pay for what he did to me.

Aaron:…

Emily: Avenge me, Aaron. Avenge me.

[ssasergio]

Emily : *nudges Hotch at 3am* Pretty fucked up that we depict the moon as a girl and the sun as a boy. They're just floating rocks in space. Hotch? Wake up, Hotch! Listen! They're sexless!

Hotch: The sun isn't a rock, go back to sleep.

[jackiebuckley]

EMILY: ( texting Hotch , sends a voice message )

HOTCH: ( texting back ) is it urgent ?

EMILY: ( texting back ) no it can wait :D

LATER ON

HOTCH: ( presses play )

EMILY: ( on the voice message ) SO UM THERES A FIRE ——

[theunholyvirginemilyprentiss]

HOTCH: Agent Prentiss here can run point on this. She’s quite the cunning linguist.

EMILY: Cunning linguist? More like cunniling-

JJ: Emily, don’t you dare.

HOTCH: …

HOTCH: So, where’s the victim’s body?

SHERIFF: Uh… right this way…

[mazelicious]

Criminal Minds is wild cause they'll give Emily Prentiss insane chemistry with everyone except her boyfriend

[lillysdreaminnn]

Hotch: please tell me you didn't drag Derek into this.

Emily: I did not drag Derek into this.

*aggressive banging on their door*

Hotch, sighing: who's that...?

Emily: I think you know :)

[forhappysake]

[emilyshotchrocket]

Emily randomly on a night out w the team: It’s always Ily but never IwtmyIwthkwyIwtbuahIwtsdagowyIwtdwi110yoiyaIdw48uhIwal

JJ: What??

Morgan: Pretty-boy can you like. Translate that or something??

Reid: I-I have no idea what she said.

Rossi: what has my life come to?? I’m going home.

Hotch: I don’t want to know. I really don’t.

Garcia: OML!! Totally!!

Rossi:..you understood that??

Emily and Garcia with the same tone of voice: I want to marry you, I want to have kids with you, I want to build us a house, I want to settle down and grow old with you, I want to die when I’m 110 years old in your arms, I don’t want 48 Uninterrupted hours. I want a lifetime.

JJ: Oh! Greys anatomy!!

Hotch:…I’m too drunk to deal with this.

[criminalmindsgonewrong]

emily: aaron and i have decided to bring a third person into our relationship

hotch, later: i warned her that was the worst way to announce the pregnancy

[owlsomee]

Hotch: Is this the part where you say if I hurt her you'll kill me?

Rossi: No. If you hurt Emily, she's perfectly capable of killing you herself.

[sequinsmile-x]

Incorrect Hotchniss Quotes:

Emily: I think we should get this stroller.

Aaron: How much is it?

Emily: Only $500

Aaron: $500?? That’s more than my first car. We can’t afford that.

Emily: I can.

Aaron: Em…

Emily: *pouts*

Aaron:…

Emily:…

Aaron: You never used to be able to make that face before the baby. What did the baby do to you?

[spencestiel-michelle]

JJ: Em, that pantsuit looks nice, not many people can pull those off. 

Hotch: i’d like to pull it off.

Emily:

JJ:

Hotch: 

Emily: 

JJ:

Hotch: … did i say that out loud? 

[theunholyvirginemilyprentiss]

HOTCH: I won’t be joining you for game night tonight. Garcia said you’re playing ‘Mein Kraft’, and I’d rather not.

EMILY: *laughing* Playing what?

HOTCH: Mein Kraft.

SPENCER: Do you mean ‘Minecraft’?

HOTCH: That’s what I said.

EMILY: No, you said ‘Mein Kraft.’ It’s ‘Minecraft,’ not ‘Mein Kraft,’ it wasn’t made by Hitler.

(Inspired by: ‘Motherland’)