#incorrect d20 quotes

[theocanhavemyheart]

Riz: What’s sexting?

Fabian: I'm not having this conversation with you.

[cigfigsox]

Riz: How did this happen?

Kristen: In my defense, I was left unsupervised.

Riz: Wasn’t Fig with you?

Fig: Well, in my defense, I was also left unsupervised.

[starlightinhumanform]

I present: tweets that I think riz would post

(full night yorb picture under cut)

[gods-favorite-autistic]

Kristen: It’s pride month Aelwyn. You know what that means *walks away*

Aelwyn: What

Aelwyn: Do you want me to do like gay abjuration or what

[theatrenerd622]

Fig: Oh and here's my award for the most absences

Adaine: Fig, that's not an award, that's an angry letter from a teacher

Fig: Well it says most so I'm calling it an award

[stacy-fakename]

Fabian: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*

Fig: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I'd have 15 cents.

Fabian: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you.

Riz: Actually I did the math, Fig would have $225, not $0.15.

Fig: Fam l'm right here...

Gorgug: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda. :)

Kristin: While you're there could you buy me an apply juice please?

Gorgug: Sorry I only have a dollar.

Kristin: :/

Riz: Hey actually Fig would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent.

Gorgug: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice.

Fig: You can buy anything you want with $22,500.

Fabian: Yeah and he wants soda and apply juice.

Riz: Apply juice to what.

Kristin: Directly to the forehead.

Adaine: Great chat everyone.

[luckstones]

Sandra Lynn : So you lied to me ?

Fig : That depends on how you define lying.

Sandra Lynn : Well, I define it as not telling the truth. How do you define it ?

Fig : Um, reclining your body in a horizontal position ?

[emiko-matsui]

Fig: I'm an archdevil of rebellion and experienced adventurer, nothing catches me off guard

Ayda: [smiles]

Fig: holy shit

[littlemissmoodswings]

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥: the plan is kind of changing, so we're just gonna take you with us.

𝐥𝐮𝐜𝐲: am i being kidnapped?

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥: no, no, no.

𝐥𝐮𝐜𝐲: can i leave?

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥: no.

[incorrecthatchetfield]

*After surviving the apotheosis*

Paul: Y'know, guys, Y'all have come a long way from office workers . I'm sorry I ever doubted that either of you. More than that I just wanted to ask-

Ted: Paul, go fuck that barista.

Paul: Alright. *turns and starts walking away*

Paul: I just wanted to say I never Meant Any harm! I was just looking out for you-

Bill: Go slam her down big style!

Paul: I'm very Submissive! I'm going to get slammed down Big Style!

[fantasy-high-incorrect]

Fabian: [gently taps table]

Riz: [taps back]

Gorgug: What are they doing?

Adaine: Morse code.

Riz: [aggressively taps table]

Fabian, slamming his hands down: YOU TAKE THAT BACK

[theocanhavemyheart]

Fig: *raises eyebrows*

Sandra Lyn: Put those back down!

[cigfigsox]

Fig: I want someone to neck me.

Ayda: As in to hang by the neck; strangle; kill, eliminate, or the other meaning, to make love; to intently kiss or cuddle; to canoodle?

Fig: Surprise me.

[starlightinhumanform]

the bad kids (+ gilear) + @screenshotsofdespair

[gods-favorite-autistic]

Never Stop Blowing Up incorrect quotes

Liv: Am I in trouble?

Paula: Take a guess.

Liv: No?

Paula: Take another guess.

~

Liv: Look. I may not be a saint, but it's not like I’ve killed anybody. I’m not an arsonist. I’ve never found a wallet outside of an IHOP and thought about returning it but saw the owner lived out of state so just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground.

Wendell: Okay, that's really specific, and that makes me think that you definitely did do that.

~

Russell: Dang, keep an eye on Paula today. She’s going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.

Dang: Sure, I’d love to see Paula get punched.

Russell: Try again.

Dang, sighing: I will stop Paula from getting punched.

~

Cop: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle.

Russell: Shit.

Dang: Wait, three?

Cop: Yeah?

Liv: OH MY GOD WENDELL FELL OFF!!!

~

Paula: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!

Russell: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD

Paula: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING LIV WITH ME

Wendell, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.

~

Paula: *Screams*

Dang: *Screams louder to assert dominance*

Liv: Should we do something?!

Russell, observing: No, I want to see who wins this.

~

Paula: Can I be frank with you guys?

Usha: Sure, but I don’t see how changing your name is gonna help.

Liv: Can I still be Liv?

Dang: Shh, let Frank speak.

~

Paula: How did none of you hear what I just said?

Russell: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.

Usha: I got distracted about halfway through.

Dang: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

~

Russell: Are we really going to let Paula keep Liv?

Dang: We kept Wendell.

~

Paula: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?

Wendell: Several traffic violations.

Russell: Three counts of resisting arrest.

Dang: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.

Liv: Also, that’s not our car.

~

Dang: *Walking in to a room* Sorry I’m late... I was... doing things.

*Sounds of running footsteps progressively getting louder*

Paula: *Out of breath* HE PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKIN’ STAIRS.

~

Liv: *Stubs their toe* FUCK!

Usha: Mind your language!

Liv: What else am I supposed to say, “Woe is I”???

Usha:

Liv: You have to accept that swear words are necessary sometimes.

~

Liv: I can explain.

Paula: Can you?

Liv: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie.

[ghost-of-christmas-present]