#in which case we’re fucked
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I have a vast pit of despair inside me at all times but I think I’m pretty happy other than that
#solreefspeak#i’m never more than two bad days away from ruining my entire life on purpose but i also am trying to love my life#you see where there might be some difficulties#basically. i am full of despair always but we’re all fine and chill unless it consumes me.#in which case we’re fucked
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as much as i like to have Max and Victoria leave each other on a high note at the party, i would be an absolute straight up liar if i ever claimed to not love Max’s bitchy as fuck line here— and that i didn’t think it’s one of the most slept on lines.
#(voice of guy who loves bitchy max) i may be a bit biased about this#but besides that#about the line being slept on— i do think it also doesnt help that you have to be deliberately mean to victoria to get these lines#which a lot players arent going to do— since most (if not all) players are not in the same mindset as max in that moment#and therefore are most likely going to try and be friendly with victoria#especially since we’re aware of what could happen to her at that point#so. in a lot of cases. this line being slept on is not because of mischaracterization— but just bc of how they played the game.#but! i also think that a lot of the fandom sleeps on this line because of max infantilization. they ignore this line in favor for max’s#other more easily infantilized traits.#but yea#i love bitchy max#more please#lis#life is strange#max caulfield#victoria chase#I ESPECIALLY LOVE THE#“i may have endangered ur life but u trashed my room because of other reasons so. stop fucking whining.”
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has stan twitter ever known a peaceful day in their lives
thanks for being chill yall it’s nice to log into fandom space and not get immediately sucked into a swamp of torment which is an experience that I never knew I was taking for granted ✌️
#I literally don’t follow a single phan account but it’s like 80% of what shows up for me#like yeah end the platform wars it’s dumb we’re all just phannies#but everyone’s so madddddddd all the timeeewwwwwww I saw a girl saying she was literally going to deconstruct her parasociality in therapy#which sure fine but in this case it was simply#because she told Dan to calm down when he tried to snatch her shit while she was talking lol#and people went to fucking war against her#me yapping#phandom
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Had this screencap living on my phone for art purposes, and I just lost like twenty minutes staring at their hands. These are some of the gayest hands in human history. An entire Pride month could be dedicated to these hands. Put this shot in the MoMA, dude.
#yellowjackets#taivan#lauren ambrose#tawny cypress#the casting department just put me on my knees and told me to stay there for a few years#just hang out closer to the floor in case you pass out dude#I had to build my own deeply early-00s taivan collage for my Mac wallpaper#which means screencaps like this just stare at me while I’m gazing fruitlessly into space instead of writing#this is a fucking renaissance painting#this is a gay goddamn tapestry#I’m a deeply normal individual 95% of the time but then they do something like this to me#and all my bones unhinge and reform in the shape of a pride flag#it’s fine. I’m fine. we’re all fine here. how are you?#this fucking screencap makes me want to take up painting. what a normal life I lead.#already did a study from this scene once but it’s been a hot second maybe I should play again
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something I love about the dance tengoku confessions of a mask comment is that the entire book is like that he didn’t need to give the specific example about the protagonist “becoming elated at the sight of a rugged man’s body” in order to get the point across but he did and I really love that he needed to mention the guy getting a boner over another man it really enriches my experience of listening to that song
#‘this song is set in brokebackmountain in which the gay cowboy fucks the other gay cowboy in the ass’#in case you forgot we’re talking about a queer story
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The diffriders are so fucking fascinating to me specifically flare trooper dumjid bc like. You take a dragon mercenary who has seen war and has actively watched many comrades die. His whole thing is that he’s a perfect guard and thus the only one who survived, leading to a fucked up conception of himself as above death. And then you have him possess the body of some kid who presumably agrees to let him see earth bc That’s His Favorite Card And He Thinks He’s Cool and who’s probably like 12 (sorry saori I have no clue how old you are I’m just guessing based off taiyou + hiroki) and just. Walk around on earth (where are saori’s parents btw. Like you could say this about most vanguard characters but where are saori’s parents/guardians/friends do they know what “saori” is up to?? Does anyone who knew him pre-diffride realize how different he’s been acting?). Play a card game where he commands his dead comrades bc shiranui is paying him (which. How is he paying him, earth currency or cray currency? And what IS cray currency for that matter?). The only thing he likes about earth is the music but he is specifically cursed to keep having his headphones break. When a unit who’s diffriding a human dies in the human’s body, both the unit and the human die on both planets, and besides the money dumjid is only on shiranui’s team bc antero/miguel DIED, a fact which he’s fully aware of and iirc derides him for (may be wrong abt that one though). He constantly tells people to die when he’s cardfighting them. He is laid-back about vanguard and doesn’t care much until he loses a cardfight and because loss and death are inextricably linked in his mind he proceeds to get Super Fucked Up About It bc he’s built his entire self image off being The One Who Survives and losing the cardfight is akin to confirming that it’s possible for him to die & he especially can’t accept that Some Random Humans have the ability to take him out. Sometimes he shows his opponents the battlefield and the bodies of his comrades and they really don’t seem to devote much thought to it (like. What??? I get that chrono & friends love vanguard and chrono does address it a little bit but mostly iirc just to say “I don’t think that’s what vanguard actually does/that’s not OUR vanguard”). He’s affected worse and worse with each loss and joins a group trying to end the world to get revenge on the humans who’ve beaten him (iirc unclear whether he knows the success of the destruction of the earth will destroy him too). He becomes the last of the original diffriders - chaos breaker dragon doesn’t count he was diffridden during U20 - to remain on earth, a point which he makes sure to bring up as proof of his superior survival abilities. The kid whose body he’s possessing expresses that he’s not happy about the way dumjid’s acting and dumjid doesn’t give a shit and continues to puppet his body around. Just, everything about him as a character is so fascinating in a concerning way and, like shiranui, he brings up the fact that vanguard is Real in a way that the earth characters don’t really consider - yes they have strong imaginations and genuine attachment to their units, but ultimately they’re playing a card game where even if cards get sent to the drop/damage zones they can come back for the next battle* whereas on cray they’re fighting Actual Battles and the units that die die For Real And Permanently. Unlike shiranui, who eventually began to see vanguard as a method of reunion with his dead friends and decided that what he’d been told about earth vanguard being a direct cause for his friends’ deaths might be wrong, Dumjid never changes his view on earth vanguard after “experiencing death”, so when he finally loses and goes back to cray he’s essentially dragged back clawing and screaming. I don’t know, there’s just something about him that’s sooooo soooo fascinating to me
#*not counting g zones in battles with zeroth dragons except that chrono’s g zone DID come back#though that was probably only possible due to his Singularity so that’s a special case ig#also saori is kinda fascinating too in that he’s just some normal kid who agrees to let dumjid puppeteer his body bc he looks up to him#and then dumjid brings all his baggage and Completwlg Fucking Spirals and saori’s like I Want To Get Off This Ride Now but he Can’t#and while he once let dumjid control him now dumjids controlling him by force#and saori Doesn’t Like What He’s Doing but he Can’t Control His Own Body and he’s moving and speaking but it Isn’t Him#and even after dumjid is sent back from cray he falls in a coma#and I’m pretty sure he was in the coma for the longest time out of the people that were diffriden#which makes sense considering how much longer dumjid was controlling him for#but imagine waking up and you’re finally you again#but you have to deal with the fact that someone who you thought was cool used your body to try to start the apocalypse#and it affected your physical health too + you probably remember feeling all the things that dumjid felt#like. what. and I think we only saw him non-diffridden that one time in the last episode on his team with taiyou and hiroki#which was very cute and all and I’m glad he at least got friends out of it but Good God#anyways all the diffriders are just Fascinating to me and I could probably talk like this abt all of them#but I probably think about dumjid the most bc of *gestures* All That#sorry I have Gotta Yap Disease but I think I’m done now probably.#cfvg#fuchidaka saori#kind of#flare trooper dumjid#guess we’re tagging units now
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I wish I could tell every young person with a uterus (especially with bad cramps and/or dysphoria and/or depression, etc) that there is a decent chance they just straight up don’t need to live with that. don’t let the stigma surrounding contraceptives and the expectation that you should just ride it out and suffer win. for the love of god if there’s a chance you can lighten or even stop your period and it’s symptoms all-together, unless there’s a legit health concern, your doctor should at least make you aware of that option. I want every young person to know that “birth control” is not just for birth control and it has the potential to make your life infinitely easier to live. do not give in to anti-pill propaganda im serious
#kibumblabs#I remember being in late high school and my doctor suggesting it because of how terrible my dysphoria/related depressive episodes related to#menstrual cycle shit is. and like. im not saying it was a flawless transition but good god im serious it changed my fucking life#not to the extent testosterone would but it was still like. a Big Deal#because I was like. what the fuck. I’ve been suffering through this shit for years. and no one told me this was a thing? we’re all just#expected to suffer? because it’s ‘Normal’????#this whole time I could just. turn the bleeding off. or at least Down. turn off the debilitating breast soreness and swelling. etc.#anyway im not sure why im thinking about this but#i guess every time i hear someone (without any known health issues that’d interfere) like ah time for my monthly Week Of Pain And Misery#i want to shake them by the shoulders like. YOU DONT NEED TO LIVE LIKE THIS. PLEASE I JUST WANT YOU TO BE AWARE OF THIS.#and yes i know it doesn’t work for everyone or sometimes there’s side effects that make it not worth it or what have you#but for a huge huge huge amount of people. they just don’t know it’s an option. because it’s labelled Birth Control. and because there’s#this long-standing quiet fear mongering about it that makes it seem more dangerous and sinister and promiscuous than it is#similar in a lot of ways to other stigmatized hormone treatments. like. well. you know#doesn’t help that when you first get your prescription it comes with the worlds biggest list of Potential Issues (most of which are either#minor temporary or unlikely)#grahhghhhhhhhhh anyway. on a seperate but related note shout out to my fellow tboys who either didn’t have their periods totally stop on t#or (like in my case) they came back after like Years for whatever reason and that had to be dealt with via supplementary contraceptives#cw menstruation
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bro i’m 🥺😭💞💞💞
#godddddd i love when he calls me baby#it does things to my brain chemistry istg#especially because he doesn’t say it often. that and ‘i love you’ are only used on special occasions#(when he’s being especially sappy or sometimes when we’ve been arguing 💀)#and fuck ok i didn’t rlly think he’d say happy valentine’s back?#like i was trying to kinda play it off as a bit of a joke just in case#because technically we’re just fwb? but it’s… a lil bit more complicated than that i think#he once described his feelings as ‘not romantic but something close to that’ so like#good enough for me lmao#aNyWaY tldr i’m gay xD#not sure i’ll see him this week tho which is a bit tragic but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ what can u do#jx.img
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i. hate that i cant ignore any longer how fucked up i am
#ask 2 tag idk what to tag this but its negative. idk if i’m hormonal or whatever. it’s just that i’m so extremely emotional lately#like i always havebeen but it’s insane lately and i know some of the reasons but i have no idea what to do abt it. which is bad#i wish i knew how to confront …it all. im so avoidant it is genuinely pathetic#and even if i wanted to confront anything iwouldnt know how… n how to tell ppl around me#the pains ive taken to ignore my issues over the yrs n by that i mean suppress the knowledge that they even exist Lmao it is so pathetic#let alone the pains ive taken to hide from other ppl that which im suppressing. and to hide how badly i cope with anything#like any problem at all not just things that have anything to do with The Thing#i finally told my girlfriend about something i never thought id ever say out loud to anyone n it was so hard#the whole convo was so hard bc shes dealing with so much too and shes been getting help for 3 yrs n i know#with her baggage of trauma a relationship is one of the hardest things#n ive never ever regretted our relationship but with the things we are both dealing wtih. or rather not dealing with in my case#it is so . hard.. and i feel like ive been so unfair bc i havent been getting help even tho i need it. and she has.#the sheer irony of me refusing to get help or even admit 2 myself i need it even tho im literally about to be the person who helps others#this cannot go on lmao. the only thing im sure about is that i wanna spend my life with her but with everything tht we have on our plate#its so.. unsure i feel so powerless . i cannot change the past i cant change either of our previous experiences#its so unfair how we risk losing the best thing that ever happened bc of things out of our control#ive genuinely never been more scared of anything than i am of the idea of losing this relationship#we had such a deep conversation today and it was necessary and good but god we’re fucked up people#so i .contacted the uni psych today finally but im so fucking scared and idk what to even say when i get there#ive never until today said it out loud ive never even written it down anywhere
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driving got me feeling a Certain Way .
#i feel like im going insane like .#the number of ppl that just straight up have their whole ass phone right in front of their face is INSANE#like u know ur going to get someone killed right ?? RIGHT ?????#best case they’re causing unnecessary traffic which is also fucking infuriating like U CAN FUCKING WAIT TO SEND A TEXT. U CAN WAIT.#& it seems like running stop signs & red lights is becoming more regular like .#like . u know that’s gonna get YOU killed one day right???? ur gonna run a fucking stop & another idiot is also gonna run that same stop#& ur both hopefully going to die so therere less of you out here driving like fucjing assholes#i don’t fucking get it but ig there’s nothing to get bc they’re probably the stupidest pieces of shit ever & will never think they’re#in the wrong .#@everyone who does any or all of the above pls kill urself immediately i am so serious#while we’re on the topic they should put a brick wall at the end of lanes thatre about to end#if ur not going to fucking merge before the lane ends then ur not merging at all asshole#it’s ur responsibility to find a spot to merge in#it is not my job to make sure that the lil baby drivers have space to merge in a mile AFTER the fucking lane ends#don’t let me catch u out in the streets being a bitch bc i’m at my wits end .
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i struggle
#i’m doin all the math in my head bc i need some form of predictability 😭#tomorrow should be fine so long as my parents don’t come home early in the morning#nick gets here around 8:20 and then we can get everything packed within two hours#and my parents are an hour away so even if they noticed the cameras go off we still have an hour#so rlly we just need an hour right?? then we’re in the clear because they can’t show up even if they wanted to#ok. ok. ok. ok. ok. mfjdmdmfnfbsnd#i think we should just move everything to the garage until we’re certain it’s all packed and then book it loading the truck#bc that’s what will set the caneras off#(that is if they didn’t notice him enter though the garage in the first place) (in which case. fuck.)#(and the odds of that are???? so unknown????? panopticon moment 🤪 just have to assume they’re always watching)#anyways.txt#delete later
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The people complaining about the price of vip for L.S. dunes is hysterical to me bc I’ve been to a bunch of shows and the range of prices I’ve paid for a GA show (no perks, nothing other than the show being included in that price) has been between $20-$300 so I truly do not understand how there is discourse around vip (which gets u a q&a AND a signed poster) being $150. GA for my show was only $40 which imo is a perfectly reasonable price for a GA ticket. The dunes guys aren’t putting a gun to your head and making you purchase vip tickets for a hardcore show, if u don’t wanna spend that much then simply don’t
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#also ppl are acting like the poster is a scam or something like that#like dude …. have you ever bought an UNSIGNED posted at a show?? bc I have! and it was $45#like the vip isn’t a bad deal truly#ls dunes#ls dunes milwaukee#tucker rule#anthony green#frank iero#travis stever#tim payne#I really truly believe that the people complaining are younger folks who haven’t been to shows or people who have only been to arena shows#also like I said in the actual post NO ONE IS MAKING YOU PURCHASE VIP#if you can’t afford it or don’t wanna spend that much then don’t get vip! it’s really truly that fucking simple#like in my case ga sold out really quick so I ended up buying vip#but I didn’t have to do that#it’s not like the actually ga tix we’re that much!#like when I saw ratm it was $115 for the lawn which is behind ga pit and seating#when I saw fob nosebleed seats were $100#when I saw muse at a small theater it was THREE HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS FOR GENERAL ADMISSION#and the ppl that are going on about how it isn’t ‘punk’ are so annoying like guys…. I’ve been to punk shows and they’re just as expensive#for ga at least#I really believe in my heart that everyone bitching just really wants to meet the band and I get that but come on now#discourse
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ughhh mistakes have been made :(((((
#my manager asked if i wanted to cover a shift today#and i said sure! not like i’m doing anything anyway#but apparently yesterday they were so busy that no one got a break#which i’m not worried about the no break thing#bc i’m a minor and there’s a state law saying that they legally have to give me a break#i’m just stressed abt what that means for when i’m not on break#bc it’s saturday that means that we’re going to be more busy bc ppl don’t have work#which also means i’ll have to stay later bc we won’t have time to do any of the other things that we’re supposed to do#and it means that i’ll be on my feet for abt 5 and a half hours on my shitty knees ;~;#also#i GUARANTEE that someone will come right at close#bc ppl where i live are entitled fucks who don’t care abt workers#and we can’t turn them away bc of stupid company policy#‘we say that we close at nine but you should stay open until 9:05 in case someone’s watch is off!’#idgaf that’s a them problem#i am closing the goddamn door at 9:00 sharp anyone who wants to come after that can get fucked#sorry for the vent. i just really fucking hate my job#k.txt#vent tw
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Kk cool, I’m going to be fighting with hr about so much shit I can smell it
#had a meal violation three weeks ago#did not get paid for it#called payroll ‘oh that’s timesheets’#called timesheets ‘oh that’s he’#called hr ‘oh you have to fill out a manual form for every meal violation in case we need to coach + we need more info about the incident’#which is hr speak for ‘we’re trying to make it look like you’re being ridiculous’#JOKES ON YOU IM MISS OSHA COMPLIANCE WORKERS RIGHTS#I GOT A BANK TO PAY ME OUT FOR SIX MONTHS OF BREAK VIOLATIONS BY BEING A BITCH ABOUT IT#IVE ALREADY TOLD MY TRAINIG GROUP WHERE TO FIND STATE RELEVANT LAWS#I do not play games about my rights and I will get paid what I’m owed#also how the fuck does this fancy place have a *worse* meal violations process than fucking Starbucks#which tried to gaslight me into agreeing there was a meal violation ‘grace period’ (there isn’t)#when they didn’t just hope I wouldn’t notice I hadn’t been paid the premium#I will fight god in the street over a half squished French fry do not fucking try me about worker’s rights
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Never before have I turned in negative peer reviews. The time has finally come.
#come ON guys#group project right. statistics. two questions.#I’m the only one who didn’t get docked points for formatting so I’m like oh I’ll get started on that while yall figure out what test it is#I spend. 45 minutes. on formatting. writing the summary. and verifying all assumptions and conditions.#they. in the same time. have identified it’s a chi-squared test for independence.#AND THATS FUCKING IT#so apparently no one can figure out how to run the test in statcrunch#we get kicked out of the room we were in right as I’m opening the data to see if I can figure it out#once we find a second room. it takes me a grand total of three minutes to figure it out. THREE MINUTES.#WHAT THE FUCK WERE YALL DOING IT WASNT EVEN DIFFICULT#IT WAS LITERALLY JUST stat-goodness of fit- chi square test#admittedly. I have no idea if I’m doing it RIGHT (or if we’re running the right test) but everyone agreed that resulting table was right#so I throw it in the doc and start writing the report to finish up the question#no one else does. anything. until I finish writing it.#and then. AND ONLY THEN. are they like hmmm what’s question two about#at which point we get kicked out of that room and one person has to leave to go work on another group project#so we stopped for the day.#I leave saying I’ll get the summary and formatting done for part two tonight.#all is well it ain’t difficult I identify what tests we need to run it’s fucking easy right#yesterday. we’re supposed to meet at six. no one can meet at six anymore. great.#one other member writes down the hypotheses we’re testing.#those hypotheses are currently the only thing on the document not written by me.#I have shit I need to do so I need to get this assignment Done Today#so now. I have also verified all assumptions and conditions for the unpaired And paired t tests for question two#and ran both tests through statcrunch. I have all the data. I have done the question#I just need to write the report#cause again I was apparently the only one who didn’t miss points on that in case one#and like not to be a bitch but they sat in that room Dead Silent the WHOLE TIME#WHAT WERE YALL DOING#THIS IS A 180 POINT PROJECT
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Time for everyone’s favorite game show, Are The ADHD Drugs Still Working Or Am I Just Especially Depressed?, which may or may not feature the concluding sudden death showdown, Will Your Doctor Listen This Time Or Just Suggest Taking Vitamin D?
#my body is still but my insides feel like they’re thrumming with energy that has nowhere to go#I’m afraid to move in case the thought I’m trying to capture flits off like a butterfly#I’m also afraid to move because there’s this whole hernia situation#I’m also out here in the shadow of the valley that is ‘surgeon won’t schedule surgery until BMI is reduced’#which puts me in almost a permanent state of waiting mode#because it’s not that I’m incapable of following a low calorie eating plan#in fact I’m actually kind of great at it which is the horrible part#because all the eating disorder goblins just start acting up like ‘yasssss it’s our time again’#and like no it isn’t you little shits#we’re done with that shit fr#but because of the adhd it does require logging and vigilance so i don’t eat something and forget#and also it’s not possible to get a good grade in Diet Culture but oh boy#don’t tell my brain that#it wants to put an apple on that motherfucker’s exam table#FUCK#you ever overcome something and then have the medical establishment want you to have it again?#which is why eating disorders are adjacent to our society’s conception of addiction#except no doctor is going to prescribe drinking to excess or smoking or doing whatever drugs#but they WILL prescribe anorexia#fuck i hate this i hate it i hate it i hate it
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