#in what way? who knows. but well i fucking agreed to be his official gf now so fucking whatever. just going w the flow at this point

[oflgtfol]

like i still dont know if i feel anything romantic for him but like i guess at this point it’s not really platonic either since like we’re kissing and holding hands but like. idk. i guess i just dont know what romantic feelings… feel like? in my mind it’s still just hanging out just like, different 😭😭😭 like i know everyone always says ur partner should be ur friend first but like. we’re literally just hanging out. like it doesn’t feel any deeper or anything like that, it just feels. different. bc we are doing different things with different expectations. so even though i mean like well i have a. God i cant even say the word rn. even though im dating someone now i still feel incredibly aromantic about it. and luckily he knows and he took it well and he knew it from the get go so it’s fine but i also can’t help but feel like ahhh i’m aromantic though

[chaos-chloe]

Love Unplugged- Pezzy x F!reader

Summary: QNA before TwitchCon

TW: Established relationship, kissing, Sly, cursing, if i missed anything lmk <3

“Chat, since this is the last stream before Twitchcon, ___ and I thought it would be an idea to do a mini, relationship Q&A with yall.” Pezzy suggested the idea “Would y’all like that? Like get to know us and __ more?”

Chatuser: YEA

chatter2:Hell yeah

Chattsuser: pepeyes

Mod2: how are we doing this?

Userchatter: Mmmm

Mod3: any limits? What are we deleting?

___users: Nothing super weird, nothing stupid like ssn and credit card info. dont be annoying

“Yeah, what ___ said.” Pezzy agreed wholeheartedly with ___. “Babe, come on in the office-oh anyway before you come in; can you bring me some water?”

___user: yeah, lemme get some real clothes on

While ___ was getting ready, Pezzy was chatting a bit with chat trying to get a grasp of what the sea of questions were going to look like. Some chatters were already being weird, thankfully the mods were on top of everything tonight for the ending segment. 

With the chat buzzing with excitement, I entered Pezzy’s office with Sly in my arms, smiled widely and began reading the questions aloud. “Alright, fam! Let’s see what you have for us. Remember, no question is too weird,” I chuckled

“Let’s start with something simple-Oo like how did y’all meet?”___ Blank read outloud. “We meet officially through Mr. ElasticDroid with one of the late night Discord sessions, right?” I asked uncertainty, turning towards Pezzy. 

“Yeah, I slightly remember it, I believe it was the night where it was you, Simple, Ash, Grizzy, Droid, Tuxi and I were all on call. I think that was when you told Droid all the “hot gossip” and that's when I was like “yep she's mine” Pezzy divided into more details for chat. ”Oh my god, it was because it was the night he went “Buzz Buzz Bitch” and clapped back with “You keep buzzing but you aint gonna get an answer.” 

“Oh my-Yes! It was that night where I was invited to more chats, cause y’all, as in you chat, wanted more of me clapping back on the boys, mostly Ash.” I was enjoying the trip down memory lane filled with nostalgia. 

As the chat filled up with laughter and fun inquiries, question after question brought out their playful banter and candidness. 

“Why do you think opposites attract?” one user typed. I shot a glance at Pezzy with a wry smile. "Well, maybe it's because Pezzy keeps my dark heart light,” she teased, watching Pezzy feign shock before grinning back.

“Yeah, and ___ keeps my chaotic life grounded,” Pezzy added, smirking as Sly curled his tail around Pezzy's wrist, as if he approved of the sentiment.

“Here’s a fun one- ‘What song would describe your relationship the best?” Pezzy read outloud with a thinking face, “Hmmm, it's an old throwback for us, “My love” by Justin Timberlake. As cringy as this sounds but it's true; “Ain’t another woman that can take your spot”. Pezzy included an explanation.

“You know, I will have to go with Just Can't Get Enough by the Black Eyed Peas.” I say with some secrets not needing to be revealed to the public. “I would go deeper like Pezzy....” I explained with a smile and wink to the camera. “If y’all hear the lyrics there's no need for one.” 

BigPuffer: stop cappin ___ its Friends Don’t -bigpuffer gf’s

“Girl shhh, but you know it's true now that I am thinking of it.” I started with my hand rubbing Sly from head to the tip of her tail. “I like that question, Who spoils who more? Does Pezzy spoil me more?” I read to Pezzy

“Well this can go two ways with us, I spoil her more with small or big gifts. She spoils me more, like cooking and more housing chores. This is gonna sound bad, but she will agree with me, she spoils me by being a homebody but still working a lot!” Pezzy explains to chat. “Chat, y’all dont understand this lady right here spoils the fuck out of me with food.” 

“I’ll agree to disagree, in both worlds we spoil each other on the same level.” I said with a shrug of shoulders nonchalantly. “Oo to stay on the topic of food or cooking. What's your favorite way to spend a weekend together?” I chuckled as Sly bounced with my small belly laugh.

"Cooking, definitely! I whip up some magic in the kitchen, and Pezzy always gets to be my charming taste tester." Pezzy nodded enthusiastically, "Best job in the world, honestly. Especially when it’s Bella’s famous spicy enchiladas."

As the chat grew, questions evolved from the cute and quirky to a bit more serious, like, “How about we knock a couple questions out at once, I keep seeing “how old are you?” “How long have we been dating? Also, a weird question of age gap?” Pezzy read out to me, with a weird offended face, “Age gap? That's a weird one guys.” I stated, fluffing up Sly’s fur. 

“I’m 26, Pezzy is 27, a year and a half gap, and how long have we been together?” Looking at Pezzy, thinking back on dates, racking my brain for a number. “We have been friends for 2 to 3 years, so we have been dating for 2ish years?” I asked thinking about to numbers out loud

“Yeah, that seems right babe- Guys don't come for her not remembering, we know what date we met so we celebrate then but we don't put a number on it. Hell I don't remember but 2 years seems right.” Pezzy explained to chat so they dont hate on us. “We are happy like this, so no need to be assholes.” 

“I seen a couple normal ones, who’s my favorite music artist? I really like Kali Uchis, and Tyler the Creator. I saw him in concert and Jesus, I would love to go again and meet him.” I gushed with passion for their music. 

The evening flowed, and laughter echoed as they answered questions about their favorite memories, their worst cooking disasters, and how they navigated life's challenges together. Each story offered a glimpse into their lives, painting a picture of love that was both exhilarating and earnest, layered with the complexity of their differences, yet united in a common goal: to support one another. 

“How many languages does ___ speak?” Pezzy read to me, while giving me puppy eyes so he can show me off for a bit to chat.

“Dos, two. I speak English and Spanish. Spanish was my first language so you’ll hear it come out more than often,” I explained “But recently, I’m learning a third one. I’m still learning how to speak Droid. I swear to god guys I still don't know what that motherfucker is saying or meaning after 4 plus years.” I joked around, letting Sly jump out of my arms into Pezzy’s.

“Ooh babe what about this one, “We will meet ___ at Twitchcon?” Pezzy asked me while still looking at his screen, as chat exploded at that one. “Maybe, I don't like crowds that much. I usually hangout with the other girlfriends, most like BigPuffers; or I am at the hotel chilling– But you know what chat? I'll make this deal, right now, if Pezzy gets more than 50 subs by the end of stream, I’ll join the meet up on the last day. Does that sound like a good deal, chat?” I integrated chat. 

By the end of the session, they were exploring the question that would leave an indelible mark on their followers' hearts: “What’s the best advice you’d give to couples?” I leaned closer to Sly and said, “Never stop being yourselves, and make sure to communicate openly. And… keep a cat around. It helps!” 

Pezzy nodded, adding, “And don’t forget to laugh—sometimes it’s the little moments that mean the most.” The essence of their love radiated through their words, a resonance that lingered long after the stream had ended.

As they wrapped up the Twitch session and began to unwind, I looked over at Pezzy, my heart swelled with warmth. “You know, I never expected to find my other half through a video session,” I said, stroking Sly's fur as if to affirm the bond they all shared. Pezzy smiled back, our eyes glimmering with that same spark from that fateful night. "Neither did I, but I’m glad I did." 

“Babe, you do know that you’re gonna join us at Twitchcon? I've gotten 75 subs since.” Pezzy said with a smirk. “Fuck.”

[sohoharlem]

(This will upset some people on here) im scared for his next gf lmao genuinely. I wasn’t one of the people that hated or harassed ale and im afraid that when this fandom will have the next official name they will eat her alive.

I hope she doesn’t have an ig and she is not a celeb honestly, for their own sake. I would love to see how he is in his “private life” (this is why i love some pics ale included in that video) but at the same time this fandom is a gigantic cockblocker lmao and he deserves better… and she doesn’t deserve to be bodyshamed 24/7 for example

I don’t think you need to worry about being scared about what came out of that relationship replaying. I think that was a unique experience all around.

Ale knew how to keep fans engaged with her even when she was doing the minimal, and that was something she used to her advantage and I think we all know that looking back. She knew just what to post or say or do to always keep fans emotionally invested and asking more questions. It was one of the few things she actually did very well, and she’s somehow still doing it to this day. Even over six months since they split, fans still engage and still try to see what she’s saying. When it came to the use of social media to narrate what she wanted, she was able to do it. It’s what fueled the anxiety and the drama. Especially when at the time there had been the new influx of younger fans who came in through TFATWS.

Doesn’t matter if you thought it was only fake or real or both, we can all agree that she knew close fans were watching and she spent that whole relationship painting her story that she wanted fans to see in the relationship. I do think she wanted it to look more* serious than it actually was, and at one point we believed it for a bit. Even if maybe at times it wasn’t purposeful but was a girl who loved narrating every fucking thing. Looking back, if she had been a more quiet girlfriend who respected his privacy and only posted twice within that year and a half, and had not posted anything interesting at all and those few Pap walks still stayed in tact, and if she hadn’t had that personality of keeping fans enticed, I don’t think fans would’ve thought it was as serious or dramatic as it was. Do you?

It’s because she painted a story and fans milked off of it and they became very emotionally involved because she knew what she was doing using her Instagram. Baiting, even if it could’ve been at times indirectly or fans overthinking, she fueled that mentality. She used Instagram. What do I mean by saying this in reference to future girlfriends? Well, seb has been going off the last few months in interviews when asked relationship questions and clearly he wants to go a different way next time, he says he’s always leaving relationships and trying to find something different than what he was in, with that comes involuntary and subconscious pick choosing. Almost micromanaging. He said many other things too. I don’t think at all that his next girlfriend will be like Ale was. Not to that level of following him everywhere and posting everything and keeping drama elevated. Even if the next girl came somewhat close, I don’t think it will be like she was. That was just a whole entire thing on its own.

There will always be drama in fandoms when it comes to gf’s and all that, so we can continue to expect that every time, but to that level? I highly doubt it. He might try to look for something completely opposite even, who knows. Who knows if he’s even ready to date again when now his Carreer is finally taking off. He always put his Carreer first and I don’t think he minds that. I think he’ll be going through more different relationships for a while, years. When it comes to settling down, I even wonder if he will. He himself always says he’s settled in his ways and after every relationship he leaves he tries to find something different. At a certain point in time, a man won’t budge anymore from norms, and I think he’s at that point right now. He has habits and primaries in his life that he won’t change. He’ll find someone who will conform to him. Add in that he’s always looking for something different each time and the slight pickiness because of past experiences and stubborn choosing, you got yourself a boy running in circles and not settling down. If he does, I think will be in a very long time, unless some miracle happens. But I also think he doesn’t mind that. He just doesn’t like being alone sometimes, but I don’t think a wife is on his front mind. Maybe long term partner. But again also everything else I said before lol

[pynkhues]

.... any succession fic recs? 👀

Yes!! I haven't read a lot for it yet, but some of the stuff I've read has been staggeringly good. I'm generally more into gen fic in this particular fandom, but have enjoyed some Stewy x Kendall, Gerri x Roman and Naomi x Tabitha too.

A few recs under the cut!

“I wanted to get out. From under all this. Take the money and run.”

Kendall tells Stewy even though he knows he’ll never get it, not like Naomi does. He’ll never understand the crush of it, the heart-stopping head-fucking fear of failing a tyrant. Kendall’s been ignoring the shape of it for a long time, putting pieces of it together in the back of his mind in total darkness like a blindfolded man. It doesn’t matter that one day his dad will die. It doesn’t matter about the money or the hostile takeover or the stolen files or any of it. There’s no running. Kendall’s Logan Roy lives inside his head.

Stewy laughs. Stewy laughs for a long time.

“There is no out, Ken, what the fuck are you talking about? You were born this and you’ll die this. You are what you are, and what you are is a fucking Roy.”

Kendall hates him, for a moment. Lightning-strike furious. What the fuck does he know about any of it, about his dad’s swinging dinner plate-sized hands, about getting 24% name recognition in reliable international polling, about puking every time you think about a car swerving off the road in the rain. About finding out that you can do something unthinkably, unimaginably terrible, and it doesn’t matter to anyone you know but you. There’s a scar on his arm that no one else who hasn’t already been told how it got there can ever know about, and he’s sick of it, and it’s not fair. He hates Stewy for a moment because Stewy’s right.

“I wanted to do the right thing, Stewy, for once in my fucking life.”

Stewy laughs again, more briefly, and the predator flash of his eyes in the neon of the motel sign is a torture all its own.

‘There is no right and wrong, Ken. How the fuck do you not know that yet? Not for people like you. Like us. There’s shit you get caught doing and there’s shit you don’t.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about. You really, really fucking don’t,” says Ken, and fuck, there it is. The road less travelled, that only he has ever driven on. The path he’s down where Stewy can’t follow. That place beyond Stewy Hosseini where he never thought he could go.

“You’re not telling me something, and when I find out what that is, and I will find out what it is, Kendall, don’t you think I won’t, so I am warning you that when I do find out I am going to be righteously fucking pissed,” says Stewy, and if Kendall thought those were a predator’s eyes before—

“Yeah, you will,” says Kendall, because he knows exactly how perceptive Stewy is. Exactly how weak he is. Exactly, precisely what both of them are.

And treat this night like it’ll happen again by postcardmystery. 8k words. Kendall x Stewy. Post s2. (CW: internalised homophobia, some homophobic language)

I tried to pick a shorter excerpt, but I literally couldn’t, this fic is so. good. The voices are pitch perfect, and it’s got this incredible build to it overall that goes back and forth between time and point of views and just rips your heart out. The premise itself is pretty simple – after the press conference at the end of 2.10, Kendall calls Stewy, and they drive through rural America while Kendall has a breakdown, and it’s just - - unspeakably good. I love it so so so much, I have no words.

r/roysucks Connor’s gf just posted on Instagram (instagram.com) submitted two months ago by webbedscrum_2279 23 comments share save hide report

[–] DM_ME_SAMESMAIL 40 points two months ago I too like to escape to my yacht in the Mediterranean when my family and I are on trial for covering up rape and murder. permalink embed save report reply

AITA for accusing my father of multiple crimes on his own news station? By amleth 3k words. Gen fic. Post s2.

And now for something completely different – epistolary fic which is just reddit news threads of the Roy family drama. I love an epistolary fic and this is just totally charming, and made me laugh a lot out loud.

“You’re quiet,” she observes. “That’s a first.”

“Yeah, well, the Turks beat it out of me. Gave you a run for their money.” He waggles his eyebrows. “So what is this? Whips and chains? Are we doing the whole boat-sex thing? I heard Shiv and Tom are looking for a third —“

Gerri finds what she’s looking for: a black leather binder. She drops it on the bed and begins paging through it, and Roman cranes his neck enough to recognize that it’s just full of documents, not like, dick pics. “I’ve given some thought to what you proposed a few weeks ago, and I agree that we should make things official in some way,” she says, and he blinks.

“Uh,” he says. “Which — what part of it?”

“Take a look.”

Gerri closes the folio and hands it over. It’s deceptively heavy, and the print on these pages is way too fucking fine, he thinks, paging through it. “Is this some kind of, like, Fifty Shades of Roy sex contract? Because it’s not that I’m not into it, but I think there’s a strong argument for going paperless —”

“Strictly speaking, this isn’t legally binding,” Gerri says. “Just something I threw together with regard to our business arrangement going forward. But with no respect to the family — the past few weeks have really illustrated that no one should take anyone at their word right now. Give me a little more than your word.”

Evacuation strategies for a yacht on fire by devourthemoon. 11k words. Gerri x Roman. Post s2. Explicit.

After the events of s2, Roman and Gerri fake being married as a professional alliance, only, y’know, maybe it’s not so fake. This fic is just so, so much fun, and messy in the best possible way. The author nails all the character voices, and the sex scenes are just the right amount of hot and ridiculous, and I just love it all a lot too.

Kendall estimates it will take an hour for the first articles to go up. Some rapid-fire blog without oversight—the New York Post, maybe, or wherever those Vaulter hippies have skulked off to—will slap a catchy headline on it and report his words verbatim. Give or take a gif of his face when he switches to script number two. New York Times, Washington Post, AP, those fuckers take longer. They like to bleed the story like Middle Ages plague doctors for its marrow, fact-check and add context and analysis and as many backlinks as their servers can handle. Still, a couple of hours, and his face will be plastered on every major news outlet. His voice will play over the nightly talk shows. He’ll trend on Twitter. A few more days, and he’ll be the star of analysis segments, podcasts, weekly briefings. Maybe, fuck it, maybe he’ll trend on Twitter again.

It’s been years since Kendall read Shakespeare. But that shit sticks with you, gets under your skin and emerges when you least expect it, like eczema or Keynesian economics. He knows how the media will spin this. Kendall Roy Attacks CEO Logan for Years of Corruption. Prodigal Son Disrupts Family Legacy to Restore Credibility. That’s how Hamlet ends, right? And Macbeth, Lear, Othello, Romeo and Juliet, even Titus fucking Andronicus. The spilled blood sinks into the ground, the seedlings sprout forth from the soil, and a new castle is built on the bones. Order out of chaos, or at least close enough an approximation that the tabloids will buy it.

Legacy for profit by owlinaminor Post-2.10. Kendall Roy. Kendall through Shakespeare analogies – just - - ooooof. It's a beautiful, lyrical character study that weaves through Roy family history and teases at a future none of them are even sure they want. It's gorgeous writing.

For the next few days Shiv would have to keep the pressure on Kira like an open wound because there were other women, victims that Nate’s people were going to find one by one as soon as that phone call disconnected. Mo was her father’s friend, good friend, for a long, long time. Nate and Gil, Sandy and Stewy, too many sharks in the water and the share price probably dipped to a new low but she would never check a stock ticker. Her husband’s nerves fraying at the edges on national television. She had promised a woman she’d never met before that she would kill roughly one third of the top male executives of her family’s company. Her company.

The last look Rhea gave her before she shut the car door was concern close to fear—no longer the same woman who heard their pitch in the safe room, who laughed with her at Argestes. Rhea had only looked into the abyss; she got cold feet and she didn’t even know what it’s like to grow up in it.

Her family’s company is hers, will be hers. Even from a whale fall, new life would spring.

Feed his flesh to wayward daughters by reogulus. 2k words. Shiv Roy. Set during 2.09.

This entire fic is set around Shiv bribing Kira not to testify, and god, it is so good. It’s bleak and rough, and really hones in on the complex ground Shiv walks as a character. It's another brilliant study of what it takes to be a Roy, and the way they make the awful choices in order to fulfill this legacy that they don't even know they want.

Kendall sets down his fork. “So. Tell me. Is it everything you wanted? Is it what you thought it would be?”

Roman stills. He never does that. He’s constantly a menace in motion, slouching and fidgeting, worse even than Kendall at his amphetamine peak. “What? The view from the tippy-tippy-top?”

“His regard.” Kendall wipes his mouth with the edge of the white cloth napkin. It comes away pink from the steak. “Dad. He’s all yours now.”

Roman still hasn’t moved. Finally, he lurches, like corroded machinery come uncertainly to life. “Yeah, man. It’s fucking tight as hell. I love every beautiful daddy and me moment I was a good enough little boy to earn.” He snorts. “Fuck you.” His face goes curiously slack then, like something Kendall’s own face would do. An intermission in the performance, an energy cut. Something genuine finding its way to the surface. “Why don’t you tell me. When you got everything you wanted, how the fuck did that make you feel?”

Nauseous, is the first word that springs to mind. Sick. Scared. I’ve never had everything I wanted, there’s that. I’ve never once had a single fucking thing I wanted. There’s that, too.

Interim leadership by arbitrarily 2k words. Roman + Kendall. Post s2.

I love Roman and Kendall scenes generally, but this one which features Kendall and Roman meeting for the first time a few months after the press conference in 2.10 is just a bit magic. The push pull dynamic that's just inherent to them mixed with the genuine affection and brotherly love is really special, and arbitrarily embraces both in equal measure. It's a great little fic.

There are lots more of course, and I'd also recommend checking out other works by these authors, but I hope this is a good place to start! :-)

[bruh-haikyuu]

Hey! Can I request the Seijoh teams reactions to finding out that Kyotani has a gf whose the total opposite of him? She's from another school but these hoes manage to spot them getting close behind a corner when she comes to support Kyotani at an official game or sm. Btw, I really enjoy your writing! 💖

A/N: you see,,, I deadass have this complex for delinquent-looking characters who are actually soft. Even though the chances of coming across one of those is rare, THOSE KINDS OF PEOPLE ARE MY TYPE. SO THIS REQUEST REALLY WENT AND S P O K E TO ME. THANK YOU ANON FOR QUENCHING MY THIRST

cingulomania. | kyōtani kentarō

word count: 2057

warnings: some swearing!

(n.) a strong desire to hold a person in your arms

At first, Kyoutani had been your neighbor. True to everyone’s surprise, he was much shyer in person regardless of how much boys and girls in your neighborhood told you that he was a monster. You thought that he was alright.

It was when both of your parents introduced you to each other that you started to slowly build the foundation of your friendship. He’d timidly nag you to help him play volleyball and dirty your clothes when you accompanied him to check on the stray dogs by the river. You’d drag him up to your room to play pretend restaurant and ask him to pick out one of your frilly dresses to wear to a birthday party. Your differences didn’t matter to any of you. You thought that he was kind.

He was ‘Ken-chan’ to you for a rather long while until he’d snap at you to stop calling him by that nickname. You were hurt, of course. As any other 10-year old would. But you had complied to his demands, even with tears and snot streaming down your face. He had never yelled at you, not even once. So he had hugged you that day, engulfing you with his regret and affection. And that was when it started for you. You thought that he was kind of cute.

Your feelings for your childhood friend didn’t remedy as time passed; much to your chagrin, you felt that it simply multiplied. Especially as the both of you matured into your second year of junior high, when Kyoutani decided that he wanted to have his volleyball skills “known and feared throughout the prefecture”. But was there really a need for it though? You thought that he was already amazing.

In your last year of junior high, you felt a rift beginning to form between the two of you. It had become increasingly difficult to even spend time together, especially with your high school entrance exams looming over the corner. The lunch box you usually reserved for him had gone cold from being untouched for months. You had made many friends in hopes to fill the growing hole in your heart while he had made multiple… adversaries. You didn’t like making hunches, but it had seemed like Kyoutani was deliberately avoiding you. He’d run off quickly whenever he saw you and barely replied to your texts anymore. It was like he never wanted you in his life to start with. You had cried in heartbreak from the thought. You thought that he was selfish.

After what seemed like ages without contact, Kyoutani had finally called out to you, saying he wanted to talk. You were angry, seething even; you considered turning him down. This was the same boy who avoided you like a plague for months. But he was the same boy you grew up with and by the graces of your ancestors, fell in love with. You hadn’t even thought of an outcome when you accepted his invitation. It wouldn’t matter to him anyway. You thought that he was spontaneous.

══════ ⋆★⋆ ══════

“Sorry for avoiding you,” he had said, sheepishly scratching the back of his hair. “I guess you felt a bit lonely.”

“Thanks for noticing,” your response had been ice cold that day and your frown didn’t falter.

You had agreed to talk to him by the river you used to play at. Silence dwindling between the both of you, you had watched his contorted expression reflect off the river’s waters.

“But you had been making so much friends lately, it was kind of hard for me to talk to you.”

Your frown had only deepened into a frustrated pout, “You’re one to talk! You and your volleyball. Volleyball early in the morning, volleyball late into the night. It’s always been volleyball when we were kids too, Kentarou! I didn’t want to stop you from doing what you love, but it doesn’t have to be like this either, you moron…”

Kyoutani’s lips had fallen into a flat line and his eyes wavered from yours. You had brought your knees closer to your chest and spoke again.

“I got into Wakabayashi Girls’ High School.”

“Ah, congratulations… I heard the criterias for Waka-joshi are the toughest—”

“You don’t get it!” There it was. Your string had finally snapped.

“…”

“I know we can’t be together forever. I know that! Our paths to different high schools are proof of it. But somehow I want us to,” you had muttered, slowly unlocking every defenseless part of your heart accompanied with the hot, searing tears that nearly swallowed your face whole. “I want us to be together for a really long time, Kentarou. But… but not as… not as…”

“Not as friends.”

When you had looked up to see him, he wasn’t like he was Kentarou anymore. It was like he was Ken-chan all over again. Your Ken-chan. You’d missed him so much it hurt, but you were glad he was here.

“We’re so different. You’re sociable and cute and you cry at the smallest things. And I’m just… the fucking worst.”

You hand had reached out to take his, fingers lacing with each other. “Ken-chan…”

“But I can’t help it. I hated myself for the longest time for it but I wondered if I really did have a chance with you. I wondered if you’d let me ruin this friendship of ours. Or maybe you’d hate me forever for it. But hearing you say that to me now, I don’t give a shit anymore.”

Kneeling in front of you, he had taken both of your hands, eyes fixated on the small rhinestones you had pasted on your nails. Against the rough palms of his beastly hands, yours had seemed so tiny, but he couldn’t help but to notice how well it fit with the contours of hand.

“I like you, Y/N. Please go out with me.”

Just like that, Kyoutani Kentarou had offered you his entire heart. And you took it unconditionally.

Arms thrown around his shoulder, you had sobbed hysterically into his shoulder, splotches of tears staining his shirt. “K-Kentarou!”

“H-Hey, I’ll fall over! Idiot, don’t just do things like this so suddenly!” he had scolded but ultimately rested his arms around your torso as he fell into the calming lullaby of your heart. You had smiled.

You thought that he was rather silly.

══════ ⋆★⋆ ══════

You felt like you were going to lose yourself in the crowd sooner or later.

When Kyoutani told you it was going to be “a little packed” in the Sendai City Gymnasium, you didn’t think you’d be squeezed in like a can of anchovies. You were going have to ask him to be more specific about numbers next time.

“Hey, Y/N-chan, you think Oikawa-kun will make eye contact with me from the stands?” your friend Natsumi murmured, looking at you with hopeful eyes.

“Nacchan, you’re lacking ambition!” your other friend Yayoi chuckled, affectionately ruffling Natsumi’s well-kept hair. “We’ve got our secret weapon Y/N on our hands. If anything, we’ll ask her boyfriend to introduce us.”

“Yayoicchi, I don’t think Kentarou would want to do something like that,” you finally chirped, having given up on trying to interpret the lousily marked venue map.

“So selfish, Y/N-chan! You guys are so different, I don’t get why you don’t just go for the cute guys,” Natsumi groaned.

“But it’s quite romantic, isn’t it? The tale of Seijoh’s beastly Mad Dog and Waka-joshi’s sparkly princess…” Yayoi swooned, her glasses nearly slipping down her face.

Just as you were about to chastise your friends for being annoying, your cell phone piped up, alerting you of a text from your “beastly” boyfriend.

From: Kyoutani Kentarou

Subject: Where are you?

10:34 AM

I’m waiting by the entrance. Hurry up. I only have a few minutes before the others find out I’m missing.

You replied with a quick “I’ll be right there!! \(-ㅂ-)/ ♥ ♥ ♥” and hurried your way through the bustling crowd.

“Y/N-chaaan! Where are you going?” Natsumi hollered.

“I’ll be back! You two find our seats, okay?”

“Hey, Y/N! Buy us some croquettes while you’re at it!” Yayoi echoed, her voice drifting away with the background.

When the cool breeze of the spring air kissed your face, you felt your shoulders lighten—it was beyond your imagination, but you survived the rampaging influx of people in the gym.

It didn’t take long for you to identify a lanky, scary-looking boy tucked away into a secluded corner of the gym’s field. Approaching him carefully, you felt him flinch violently under your grasp when you wrapped your arms around his torso as a surprise.

“Kenta~rou!”

“Y/N! Don’t do shit like that!” Kyoutani scolded, turning around in your embrace to pull at your cheeks in annoyance. “I could’ve punched you by accident or something.”

“Kentarou, stop pulling at my cheeks,” you grumbled, hands flying to his wrists to unsuccessfully pry him off your springy face. “If you’re going to punch me, then punch me out of love~”

“No way. You’re weird.”

“Don’t be cruel. I came here to watch you play,” you pouted, crossing your arms in mock frustration. “It was super hard to ask for permission from the teachers and my parents to come here right after school ended, you know!”

Kyoutani nodded solemnly, giving your head a few gentle pats before finding interest in your shoes. “I see. Sorry for all the trouble and thanks for coming, I guess.”

You gave him a pleasant smile, enough to make him hear angels singing in the horizon. “It’s okay, Ken-chan. Do your best today, alright?”

“Y-yeah.”

Leaning in to press a quick kiss to his cheek, you were stopped in motion when a shrill cry broke the atmosphere between the two of you.

“Yoohoo, Mad Dog-chan! We’re done registering, so let’s—Oh?”

Kyoutani tensed up against your skin. Ah, it was him. The elusive captain of the Aoba Johsai Volleyball Club. Heartthrob Oikawa Tooru, accompanied by every other senior Kyoutani had been so dead-set on avoiding just for this moment.

“Ain’t that the Wakabayashi Girls’ High uniform?” Matsukawa said, eyeing your uniform intently.

“Ah, that’s right!” you exclaimed. You had completely forgotten to change out of your uniform when you hurriedly chased the bus to the gymnasium.

Placing his hand beneath his chin in a display of wonder, Oikawa flashed you a grin that was sure to make Natsumi and Yayoi green with envy. “So, what’s a pretty Waka-joshi princess like you doing out here with our Mad Dog? Are you his relative? Or maybe his friend? Or perhaps—”

“Don’t.” Kyoutani stressed, teeth bared in defense. “Let’s just go already.”

Sighing in defeat, Oikawa complied, only once turning back around to simply wink at you and say, “I hope you’ll be cheering for me, Himesama-chan~”

You shivered in disgust. Now you were certain why Kyoutani wanted to evade him at all costs.

Once you were sure Kyoutani’s seniors were gone way past the corner, you called out for your boyfriend again.

“One more thing, Kentarou.”

“What is it now?”

Giving him a light peck on his chapped lips, you grinned when he stared at you with eyes as wide as saucers. “Good luck.”

At that exact moment, you thought that he looked a bit like an excited Corgi.

══════ ⋆★⋆ ══════

“She kissed him!”

“Be quiet, Oikawa, he’ll hear us,” Iwaizumi hissed, craning his neck a little further in hopes to get a clearer view of your romantic escapade.

“I’ll bet you this week’s ramen that he scared her into dating him or something,” Hanamaki said, eyebrows furrowing deeply. “There’s no logical way. She’s just so fluffy and cute and he… Nah, man! It just doesn’t add up like that.”

“Lucky, he’s just lucky. Maybe he drew some kind of crazy fortune on New Years’.”

“I want crazy fortune like that too, we’re going to need it to win against Shiratorizawa this year.”

“Makki, you’re asking for too much. Luck comes from hard work too, you know.”

“Hey, if you think about it… We’re third years who spend our days playing and thinking about volleyball; it’s like we’re married to it or something,” Matsukawa pondered aloud. “Even Kyoutani has a cute girlfriend to balance it all out. At some point, aren’t we kind of…”

The third years sighed, shoulders slumping, realization dawning across their features.

“Lame.”

[whitherliliesbloom]

weaving the present, illuminating the future

[ ffxivwrite2021 ] ★ [ masterlist ] ★ [ prompt #30 - abstracted ]

[ illya & friends ] ★ [ 2,849 words ]  ★ [ streamers au ]

modern / streamers / online celebrities au where the spud squad are all popular streamers who frequently collab together. centers around illya and kaye mainly, but briefly mentions a bunch of other friends and illyanaud.

abstracted- withdrawn in mind, inattentive to one's surroundings

the spud squad announce their indefinite hiatus right after releasing their one year anniversary single, and illya cannot help but to feel just a tad bit melancholic.

Illya hasn’t bothered checking her notifications, or looked at either her computer screen or mobile phone, really. The sounds of ping after ping on linkcord, text after text and the flood of new tweets mentioning the one tag she followed on twitter easily made her overwhelmed - and so she’d opted to switch her devices off entirely before burying herself under the covers for the evening, trying desperately to distract herself with a copy of a manhwa that she’d borrowed from Laurelis. 

But it was futile, her head is empty and heavy, yet swirling with a myriad of many emotions all at the same time. And after feebly reading and re-reading the same page over and over only to realize she hadn’t been paying attention to the contents of the book at all, she closed the manhwa shut with a heavy sigh before closing her eyes, praying to the heavens that exhaustion would lull her quickly to sleep.

Outsiders would merely assumed she was simply nervous from the release of their newest single, Ultramarine Hymn, a collaboration between the members of their massively popular streamer group made in celebration for their one year anniversary. They’d prepared for months, working together with a widely renowned music composer and even performing live on stage with a set of professional make up artists, producers and videographers to film their first ever music video.

For everyone barring Mint, it’d been their first time ever singing and dancing for a large audience online. While the experience had been undoubtedly fun, it was still their first real exposure doing anything of such professionalism and scale- and so her flat mate Kaye wasn’t surprised at all to find her shaking like a leaf as she sat next to him on the couch just several minutes prior to the premier of the video.

While the premier of their first music video was indeed a good half of the reason why Illya felt so out of sorts and nervous for the rest of the night up until sunrise, the true reason for the melancholy she bore in her heart came from the announcement that was posted right after the release of the music video, and it’d kept her awake for a good portion of the late night until she mercifully fell asleep, clutching the lavender purple ribbon she’d worn in the music video tightly in her hands.

The spud squad was going to go on an indefinite hiatus shortly after the release of Ultramarine Hymn - a result of an eight months long business trip Kaye had been assigned on as a professional programmer. Streaming and being something of an internet celebrity was never the man’s main source of income, so it’d be unwise of him to turn down the golden opportunity to further his career in favor of staying behind to continue streaming. 

Naturally, Lily was going to move overseas with him as well - and while she has made it clear to her audience that she will continue streaming whenever she could afford the free time to, the radically different time zones between Eorzea and Doma meant it’d be difficult to participate in anymore spud squad activities - at least until she and Kaye would return.

Mint too, announced that she’d been preoccupied with practicing for auditions into several professional idol management companies... and while Illya herself isn’t as busy as the other three, juggling between helping with business at her mother’s florist, studying for an entrance exam into a medical school and streaming on top of that has become quite a hectic endeavor. 

Thus with much reluctance, the six of them came to a consensus and decided to announce their indefinite hiatus, a news that they’d hoped would sit well with their impressively large audience of fans if it came with the release of a music video to remember them by.

Illya knew that it was a necessary change of process - that new doors are being opened for each of them and it was only right for them to seize the opportunity to chase their dreams. Deep inside, Illya truly did feel overjoyed for her friends, loved them all with of her heart so much that the hiatus was but a small fraction of the cost to pay in exchange for their happiness.

But that didn’t mean there wasn’t a hint of melancholy and bitter sweetness within that earnest joy and cause for celebration. None of the six of them knew when they’d next be able to work on something like this again, or if they’d even find the time in the future to work together again at all. It was perhaps because of their shared understanding - that unspoken sadness between all of them that they’d agreed to prepare something special to celebrate one year of their collaboration - a song that spoke of hope and a brighter future. 

‘The more you give up, the more regrets await you.’

By the time the sun rose, accompanied by the shining of morning light through her pastel pink curtains and the melodic chirping of birds nesting upon the wisteria tree just outside her window, her phone has been assaulted with a mountain of unchecked notifications that she dreaded to sort through. 

The girl knew she couldn’t possibly keep her phone locked and switched off forever, and so she’d booted it up after washing up in the shared bathroom, before walking out of her bedroom, staring down at her screen with a light frown.

The smell of fried bacon wafts through the apartment. The sound of sizzling oil intermingles with Hazel’s cheery singing, and Illya takes the time to open the latch of her enclosure, allowing the little sparrow to flutter about the living room until it settled peacefully next to the potted sunflowers that sat upon the window sills of the kitchen, watching the raven haired man flipping eggs effortlessly with a flick of the frypan. 

“Good morning, Kaye. Thank you for making breakfast, again.” Greeting with an ever bright smile, Illya sits herself down at her designated seat at the dining table upon a bright floral cushion, watching as the man turns his head back for a moment before returning his attention to the stove. 

“It’s Sunday, so it’s my turn. You don’t gotta thank me.” He walks over to the dining table to dump the steaming hot sunny side ups and crispy bacon onto their plates, cups of orange juice already poured and waiting, which Illya takes into her hand to take a quick sip out of.

“You checked eorzeatube and twitter yet?” The young man asks as he sets the frypan down, gesturing towards the phone in her hands.

“N-no... Is it urgent?”

“Not really, no.” Kaye raises an eyebrow, sitting himself down and jabbing a fork into his bacon. “But aren’t you curious about how the music video did?”

“I-I am... A little, I suppose... but-” 

Her stammer gives her away her listlessness, and Kaye shoots the girl a furrowed scowl and a frown. 

“Is somethin’ botherin’ you?” The man asks, and Illya’s lips curl upwards into a wide, deceptively warm smile.

“Just nervous is all.. What if the fans didn’t like it?” it wasn’t a complete lie, though not the total truth, but Illya was always exceptionally talented at hiding her negative emotions, and Kaye seems to buy it enough to slump back against the back rest of his chair and toss the bacon into his awaiting mouth, chewing quietly and swallowing before speaking.

“You won’t know till you see for yourself.” 

It’s an unfortunate reality that he’s right, and Illya finally gives in and taps onto the icon for the twitter app, waiting for the timeline feed to load before her star spangled violet eyes widen in complete disbelief.

99+ notifications, an equally unbearable amount of private messages in her inbox as well as the first tweet literally being about the music video - Moth’ir’s retweet of their short promotional video from their official spud squad twitter account, which has garnered over 40 thousand likes and 10 thousand retweets.

#spudsquad and #ultramarinehymn are trending, and Illya gives in to her curiosity enough to tap on the tags and scroll through the tweets.

cosplaycon2022 hype!!! @/oracleoflight  • 18h  my good friend illya and her friends #spudsquad just released #ultramarine hymn and it’s so so so good!!! please give it a watch!! 

EEEEEEEEEE @/driftinintiawind  • 18h @/academician you didn’t tell me your gf was an idol bro???? GOOD SHIT #ultramarinehymn

 pink is JUSTICE @/rosepinkcutie  • 17h OHHHHH I’m goihng to cwyg #ultramarinehymn made me cryuy. iT’S SO GOOD...... #spudsquad i LOVE YOU

Alphinaud @/academician  • 17h Do give your support to #spudsquad ‘s new music video, #ultramarinehymn ! They’ve worked very hard on it!

soliriii @/windupsunshine  • 17h thank you #spudsquad for all the joy you’ve given me for the past year!! what a way to celebrate <3 #ultramarinehymn

hien’s booty @/floortank   • 16h  HEY #ultramarinehymn IS SO LIT THOUGH????? WTF

thancredwaters @/gunbrkrs  • 16h #spudsquad Good job my daughter hasn’t stopped playing this song on repeat for the past 2 hours. 

Nyx @/underthebloodmoon  • 15h Sharing a good friend’s music video here. #ultramarinehymn #spudsquad

Nidhstinien @/azuredragoon  • 15h [youtube link] #ultramarinehymn nice

vergotohelldad @/reveilleur  • 14h only 4 hours after release and #ultramarinehymn is already trending. twitter has some fucking good tastes in music thank the twelve.

Lamittens! @/lalamitt  • 14h Oh to be spud squad long time fan :pleading: I’m so fed... #ultramarinehymn #spudsquad

nhelly @/blackestmage  • 13h I turn around and #spudsquad decided to drop an absolute banger. loving #ultramarinehymn !!

Aymeric de Borel @/officialborel  • 13h A wonderful song that elicits a sense of optimism and hope. #ultramarinehymn

kafuuchi @/cloudsysmile  • 13h hey is it just me or is kaye getting hotter :blush: still a kayelily simp tho!! #ultramarinehymn

KoKomi Komi @/sangopriestess   • 12h @/starblossoms Congratulations on the new MV!! It’s very catchy! #ultramarinehymn

The scroll is endless, timeline filled with a mixture of both familiar and unfamiliar twitter handles, yet all collectively singing praises and awe for the music video and the song. It’s hard to not be overwhelmed by the sheer amount of positive reception their hard work and efforts have received, and Illya tears her eyes away from the screen to look up at Kaye with a twinkle in her wide violet eyes, and the man looks back at her expectedly. 

“I-It...It seems to be very well received.”

“’Seems to be’? The video’s got over five hundred thousand views on eorzeatube from the past 18 hours.”

Illya almost chokes on her eggs, eyes blown wide as she swallows her food abruptly and her voice raises into a high, bewildered squeak.

“F-f-five... hundred thousand???” 

By the twelve, that’s far more than even their highest recorded number of viewers on their biggest stream - and it’s been less than a day since the release of the music video. She cannot imagine just how ecstatic Mint must be at having such a successful idol-esque debut. 

“Does that ease your worries now?” Kaye asks, snapping the girl out of her train of thoughts once more, and he is met with a smile and an affirmative nod in response. 

“It does... thank you, Kaye.” 

Knowing that weeks of preparation, practice and hard work has paid off and finally bore fruit was the biggest relief Illya’s experienced in a while, and the simple knowledge that the sentiment of their song got through to a good number of the fans warmed her heart.

But in the midst of the joy, there was yet an underlying somberness lingering in the air between the pair that was not lost to either of them, as silence quickly fills the atmosphere and quickly turns the space around them cold. 

Scrolling through the top tweets didn’t exactly help either - because while it had quickly eased Illya’s worries of the music video being negatively received, in between praises for the song came the posts of fans who were dejected by the hiatus announcement.

Most of them had been supportive, of course... Their audience has ever been so welcoming, understanding and wonderful to them. But that perhaps made the disappointment they felt even worse on Illya’s melancholy, as she once again quickly slips back into the depths of her own internal mind. 

Because as well received as the music video they’d released is, it still ends with them going their separate ways, and it fills Illya with a sense of already festering loneliness that she refuses to admit verbally to.

She never did like goodbyes. 

‘The time that flows in the blink of an eye. The fear of continuing to be as we are.’

Neither Kaye nor Illya particularly enjoyed talking about their troubles, not even to each other, and so while Kaye could make an educated guess on why Illya seemed so despondent, he makes no comment on it. He was never the best at comforting others anyway.

He lets the silence fester between them even after Illya sets her phone down to focus on her plate full of breakfast, fishing his own device out of his pants pocket and begins to type away at it. 

It isn’t until after a whole ten minutes has passed that he’d finally look up from the screen, expression unreadable yet his voice sounding a modicum more relaxed than it had been a while ago as he calls out to Illya as she was drinking the last of her orange juice. 

“Hey, you’re free tonight, right?” The raven haired man asks, and Illya sets her glass down with a quirk of her eyebrow, if there was even a hint of sorrow in her, she didn’t allow him to hear it.

“Um... I am. Why?”

A smile from Kaye is a rarity, let alone one that carries such gentleness and ease... but the one he’s wearing now is so warm that it blows away the storm clouds that she hadn’t even noticed hanging over her head. 

“Then, are you cool to do an Among us stream tonight? With the other four, of course.”

Sparkling lavender eyes widen, and Illya is silent for a brief moment before stuttering out in response.

“A-aren’t you going over to Lily’s place to help her pack though?? And... the others.. aren’t they-”

“I’ll only be there for the afternoon. We’re only gonna be flying next week so there’s no rush. As for the others, I already asked. You can even invite Alphinaud if you want, the more the merrier.”

“But didn’t we just announce that we’re going on hiatus? I don’t want to trouble the others if they’re too busy either-”

Her pink lips slightly part, voice timid and soft. Hesitation and uncertainty briefly flashing through her twinkling eyes as she averts her gaze from the man and hides them under the shadows of her pure white bangs. But it does little to keep the light red burn of her cheeks and the bridge of her nose from Kaye, who only rolls his eyes at her in response.

“Gods, stop being so nice. I said I already asked and they’re down for it.... well, mostly. Ichi said he wanted to sleep but I’ll drag him outta his bed if I have to. We may be on hiatus, but it’s not like we’re gonna stop hanging out together, right?”

Though Kaye’s tone is rough and his words are painfully honest, his tongue as sharp as the gaze of his midnight blue eyes, Illya knew there was kindness laced beneath his huff, and the tension in her body slowly begins to fade, making way for a brighter, far more honest and radiant smile that washed away the chill of the air like a spring breeze.

He’s right, as he often is. 

Even if they may go their separate ways in the future, they will still always remain connected as friends, holding the memories they made together close in their hearts. 

Her phone’s buzzing with notifications again, and she takes a peek down at the lit up screen, her heart warming at the equally excited messages from her beloved friends. From Mint who is spamming :mikurave: emotes, to Lily who was telling Ichi that no, a schedule with his bed isn’t a valid excuse and Nanami who was offering to set up the stream for the night... Things are all as it should be, right here and now where they are together - where they are home. 

“If everyone’s fine with it then... I’ll join too. Don’t raid Ichi’s flat, though!” 

Illya lets out a giggle that rings out like windchimes in a cool summer breeze, and Kaye clicks his tongue with a shrug of his shoulder.

“He gave me his keys for this exact reason, he doesn’t mind. How do you think he always makes it in time for our streams? All I need to wake him up is a fork and porcelain plate and-”

“Kaye! That’s... that’s so mean-”

‘I'll hug you with equal parts expectation and anxiety. You and I, weaving the present, illuminating the future.’

[babyhoney-28]

So this is me trying to type out some of the thoughts I have regarding the current stunt around Harry.

I have the feeling a lot of us are still trying to make sense of what is going on, because so much about this situation just doesn’t seem to make any sense at all. People are definitely confused and irritated and it seems like no one has really been able to make sense of it all as of yet.

What I want to start with, because it’s what’s been the hardest for me to wrap my head around, is the wedding situation. Especially the pictures showing Harry happily officiating Jeff and his wife. I don’t want to really go into the fact that holding a wedding these days, especially in a city like LA where covid cases are running over the hospitals, is extremely ignorant, inconsiderate and basically a big fuck you to everyone who is struggling because of the virus for whatever reason that may be.

I think we all felt extremely disappointed in Harry for not only attending this wedding despite the pandemic, but also officiating it. This behaviour is quite frankly very hypocritical, especially considering he put out that stay at home shirt, yet has since then not at all been acting accordingly. We all thought he knew better and would do better than this and we have every right to be upset about it.

It also was really weird to see Harry so happy next to Jeff, when most of us had the feeling, especially over the last couple of month, that Harry isn’t doing very well atm. We’ve seen the acceptance speech videos, watched the jingle balls performance and how off, exhausted and unhappy he seemed. Tbh it was and still is really concerning. We therefore have been worried and suspecting that Jeff is miss-managing Harry, trying to create an idol and image out of Harry that he himself has said multiple times he doesn’t want to be. All Harry wants to do is make music and entertain people. But here is his team, pushing him down everyone’s throat and creating fake narratives to make him more interesting, to the point where people are already getting tired of him, because they are basically creating an image for him that is just not very likeable (e.g. queerbaiter & homewrecker).

People have been quite vocal over their dislike towards Jeff, while simultaneously another part of Harry’s fandom have been aggressively defending him, those that view Jeff as Harry’s best friend (which ironically are the same people that not only shit on the other 1d boys but also on Harry’s actual familiy).

So here we were all worried about Harry, believing he was unhappy with the situation he was in because of what his team and Jeff are turning him into (which has gone as far as articles being written about it) when suddenly those pictures of Harry officiating Jeff’s wedding drop, contradicting what we were thinking, while simultaneously proving what other fans believe, that they are in fact close friends.

So this was the part that confused me the most over this whole situation. Why would Harry so happily participate in this wedding and stunt when he seemed so unhappy and had every right to be so?

Here comes the part where I might be reaching, but the more information we got about this wedding, the more sketchy and sus it became. When I first hear people suggest this whole wedding was a stunt, I thought people were reaching, but the more I think about it the more realistic I think it is. Because:

1) why was there paparazzi if this was a private wedding?

2) why did Harry bring a +1 when this was a small private wedding that took place during a pandemic. There’s really no justification for her to have been there, especially when they just started dating

3) when did this wedding take place? This weekend? In November? Because there apparently haven’t been any events at that location due to covid

4) the wedding dress situation is sus. A dress from 2018 that was most likely second hand, whatever. But the fact that it was not fitted to her at all is just very suspicious

5) They might have been married for some time according to some articles

It looks like the paparazzi were there for Harry alone, both to show that he officiated the wedding (and prove the close friendship) and be used in order to announce the relationship. The paps were called there with an intention after all, and Olivia, even if she really was Harry’s gf, had absolutely no business being there given the current circumstances and restrictions. You just don’t bring +1 to a wedding at the moment, especially not if you only just started dating them.

All of this considered, I have the feeling this entire wedding might have been faked with the function to 1) show that Harry and Jeff are close friends and 2) to announce the relationship. Faking a wedding really isn’t that hard if you think about it, all you need is a location, some people in suits and robes, a couple and a photographer. I’d say the current situation makes it even easier because everything is smaller and toned down anyways. It also isn’t that unimaginable that they would pull shit like this. Jeffs dad is allegedly worse than Simon, and we all know what Simon did to Louis. What is faking one wedding that helps dealing with two issues at once compared to baby gate? Even if said wedding took place during a pandemic (this is where I think this whole thing may have actually taken place in November when the covid situation wasn’t as bad)..

Obviously, H&O is a PR stunt. It’s so painfully obvious in fact, it’s pretty much developed into a comedy show within less than 24 hours.

Now, the question that we are all still having is why? Why pair these two, when it puts both of them in such a bad light and certainly can’t be beneficial for their careers in any way, shape or form? Why did Olivia agree to this when this compromises her professionalism? Those seem to be the main questions that people are struggling to come to find a reasonable answer for. However, if one looks back at other Hollywood scandals, this seems to fit right in there, or isn’t even half as bad as some previous scandals or gossip. Think of the Jennifer, Brad and Angelina situation or the cheating scandal around Kristen Steward for example. It’s stories like this that are eaten up by the media and the general public (especially the American audience), because it’s juicy and scandalous and something to gossip about. But in the long run, it’s probably not as career damaging as we make it out to be, since people will get tired and move on to the next drama. It will taint their reputations yes, but also bring them a lot of attention and will most likely not be as ruinous to their careers as we think.

But what could be in it for Olivia? Promo for the movie, maybe because the interest from the go wasn’t big enough yet? She might have other projects coming up that she could need the attention for.. I don’t know but she will have her reasons.

As for Harry, I think we have to admit that he has been without a stunt for much longer than we could have hoped for.. He’s been in involved in narratives just as bad before, this only earns him one more bad title (homewrecker). This stunt however certainly helps in making him even more of a household name, which is exactly what his team has been going for. Thinking further ahead, Olivia might be who future songs of his could be claimed to be about. My hope for the reason of this stunt, as it is the hope of all of us, is that something is going to change about Louis’ stunt situation soon, that baby gate might really soon come to an end and that H&O serves to prevent Larry speculation to arise.

This leaves the question of how long this stunt is going to last. It by now seems like they really are going through with this stunt, so we might have to deal with this for a while (though part of me still hopes they will pull a they are just friends and he is being there for her after her break up card)...

[newhologram]

I've been doing some thinking and realizing just how far back this all goes. Those of you who know me and my family IRL may have a hard time believing the emotional abuse and gaslighting because whenever you've met them, they seemed fine. They may have even bragged about me to you which made you think that they thought very highly of me. They also may have neglected to inform you that I have been disabled by chronic illness the past 10 years (many of my other family members had no idea until they spoke to me personally. It's... really fucking weird? To just not tell anyone that your offspring is in bed all day in horrible pain and constantly at the doctor/ER?). Unfortunately this is also part of the gaslighting, putting on a persona of parental perfection so that no one believes me when I try to talk about it. Instead people, even within my family, make excuses for the abuse and say that I should just be grateful. Behind closed doors it's always been very different. In the event that me processing this in private spaces gets out to them (which WILL endanger me): This isn't about *~exposing~* or *~revenge~* or *~punishment~*, it's about putting the pieces together and saying, yeah, I'm right to finally put my foot down about the way I have been treated. This is my experience. This is my trauma. I'm finally claiming that after a lifetime of being told that these experiences and my pain around them are apparently "not real" (gaslighting). By talking about this, I am not victimizing myself, but empowering myself. Because none of this treatment was ever my fault. None of it was ever deserved. And none of this is to be blamed on my "response" to abuse. I hope that by talking about this I can paint a picture of the dynamic and inspire investigation into the health of your own family dynamics too. "But they're family" is literally what enables this kind of abuse to continue. And I'm done. My health and survival is more important than upholding a toxic family system. They're learning that the hard way, finally. I don't think my family members are bad people. I truly do love and care for them. They have some amazing qualities. They love animals and they've come a long way to now being LGBTQ+ allies even if they don't always use the right words. But they have a lot of flaws that most likely come from their own trauma... But these aren't just self-contained flaws. Because I am the one who will be undoing the damage for the rest of my life. I don't know if they will ever go to therapy themselves, but I certainly won't be waiting around for them to work on themselves if it means I'm going to continue to be mistreated and re-traumatized. - It's always been this way but things definitely got worse in my home when I became disabled (possibly bc it triggered insecurities in them?). Both parents ignored me to my face all my life. I'd say or ask something, and there'd be no response most of the time. If I said, "hey, I'm talking to you, that's rude" they would blow up at me about "WHAT. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY. I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND OKAY I HAVE MY OWN LIFE". This happened even when I was a literal child. I grew up believing that nothing I had to say was worth hearing and that if they ignored me that it was because I was unimportant and annoying. But if I ignore them or take too long to respond because I'm thinking, they scold me me about being rude, that they are my parents and I need to respect them. My emotions and pain have been invalidated since I was a child too. I would get picked up from afterschool care, or my bully's house, and of course I'd be crying from enduring a day of bullying. I would say, "I didn't do anything to them, it's not fair." And my dad's response was always, "WELL GUESS WHAT LIFE'S NOT FAIR. WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE AN ADULT IN THE REAL WORLD." He has continued to say this to me on a regular basis whenever I am struggling, either with work, friends, relationships, a death, or my chronic illnesses. I wonder why he has never considered my world to be real? Why is my reality not real to him? What

makes that even more painful is that I was still sent day after day to the school where I was bullied, to afterschool care with my bullies, and to my bullies' homes. No matter how much I was always crying when they picked me up, they just kept sending me back. And then a few of my dad's girlfriend's had children who bullied me too. I literally could never escape it. If it wasn't that, his response to me crying about something would be, "YOU HAVE NOTHING TO CRY ABOUT. YOU'RE LIVING THE LIFE OF LUXURY HERE, YOU DON'T PAY RENT! JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE OUT THERE HAVING REAL PROBLEMS!" Again, he said this to me when I was a 24 year old who was suddenly in the span of a year so disabled that I could barely work. I was scared for my future, because I had taken the time to educate myself about my illnesses, and I knew that things were going to be hard for me. What I needed was support, not "tough love" and emotional invalidation. I was also scared of the situation I am in now. I was scared that I was going to be too sick to afford to move out and that by age 30 I would still be stuck at home with a parent who did not see my reality, my pain, as real. I am living that and it's not fun. Whenever I tried to talk to him about this invalidation, it just turned into a fight, because he refuses to admit the things that he said, and says things like "That's a You Problem" which he has said since I was a child in response to him hurting my feelings. I have always thought it was worth the effort to communicate to my loved ones this sort of issue, because that's what I was taught at school. If there's an issue, you talk about it. But my family doesn't believe that I guess. - When I first got sick, I was throwing up a lot. It had built up over several years since I was 19 but then after I was officially diagnosed with my Big 4 (colitis/fibro/ME/narcolepsy) I started having really dangerous vomiting attacks. The first attack I had lasted 6 days. I lost 12lbs. I overheard my dad complaining on the phone to a friend that I was keeping him up all night throwing up. I felt so bad for bothering him, I had learned to value his comfort over mine. But after the third day of nonstop vomiting, I told my dad I needed to go to the ER, that something was wrong. He sighed and rolled his eyes and said I didn't need to go. He was so annoyed with me for being sick. I was completely pale. I hadn't eaten anything. I could barely keep water down. I argued but he wouldn't listen. I went back to throwing up, at this point just dry-heaving. A while later I said, "I'm taking myself to the ER." I grabbed my car keys and my dad stopped me. He said, "That's ridiculous, you aren't driving yourself to the ER, I'll do it." But he still wouldn't take me for some reason. I don't know if he just didn't want to pay the copay or what. But I was literally trapped. I tried to fight it and said, "If you're going to take me, then take me. If not, let me take myself." I kept throwing up for three more days before he finally agreed to take me. The ER was packed so I ended up going to urgent care, where the nurse scolded me. She said I really should've gone to the ER after the third day of vomiting. She said that if I had gone a 7th day I could have collapsed. I didn't know how to tell her that I had tried. She asked where my family was and I said my dad had to go to work so he had just dropped me off. She had tears in her eyes and she held my hand. She said, "he should be here with you." THAT is how sick I was. That year, I went to the ER three more times. Each time I would be sobbing and ashamed of myself just for bothering my dad and for him having to pay the copay since I was too sick to earn the money myself. Again, that's how little I had learned to value myself and my health. By my birthday that year, I was suicidal from this shame. A few months later, in the new year, I started having vomiting attacks again. My dad stood over me while I was hunched over the toilet gagging and he said something I will never be able to forget, "You need to snap out of it

because I can't go through this again." He was the victim of my illness. He was the victim of my pain. This year was when my dad told me that he and his gf had been "talking" and that they had decided it was "time for me to be independent". He said they'd even help me find an apartment. I cried and said, "Dad, I'm sick. I've been so sick the past year. How am I supposed to afford even splitting rent with a roommate when I'm in bed in a neckbrace all day long?" and his response was, "But your dad needs his bachelor pad." I couldn't even identify what I was feeling. I was so shocked. Did he really think having the apartment to himself so he could have girls over was more important? But he was always telling me that I was the most important person in his life. I was so confused.

He gave me a time frame to move out and I was terrified. I thought my life was over. But most of all, I thought, "it's not fair to my dad that I'm sick." I thought so little of myself and my pain because that is what I learned as a kid. I blamed myself for not being "strong enough" to power through these debilitating illnesses. I blamed myself for my dad's money troubles. I literally could not live with myself knowing that my dad had to support me. I was so ashamed that I learned to vomit quietly so that he wouldn't notice. I was in a constant state of suicidality for several years after this. And it's no wonder, because year after year my dad has barged into my room to harass me about "it's time to be a Real Adult! It's time for you to Contribute to the household! You need to Make Money! I'm HEMORRHAGING money supporting you! I'm having to use my savings!" and because I was too sick to do this, I felt like a complete failure who did not deserve to live. I was self-harming constantly because I hated myself for "doing this" to my father. He had convinced me that I was the villain. I would start freaking out about money, forcing myself to work even if it meant vomiting literally on set (and almost being sent home bc of it, but I insisted I was fine to work). But I still couldn't make enough to afford my medical expenses. So I would shame-spiral and be suicidal again and then suddenly the story would change. My dad did a complete 180 and said, "Why are you even worried about money? We're doing fine. Even if I didn't have to support you, it wouldn't make that big of a difference in the money that I spend on this household. Don't worry about it." And then as soon as bills were due, he was back to telling me that I needed to make money. Back to saying we spent too much money on food despite me not eating that much. Back to refusing to try shopping somewhere cheaper when I suggested ways to save money. When I brought this up to my therapist back then, she said, "He's giving you mixed messages. Maybe you should bring this up to him so he realizes he's doing it." But when I did bring it up, of course my dad denied doing this and called me ungrateful even as I worked two jobs. When I eventually got a third job (fucking up my health more) to pay off my medical debt, my dad patted my back and told me how proud he was. When I told my therapist that he denied it, she suggested I bring him in so she could help us communicate. When I asked him to come with me to therapy, he got angry and said, "I am NOT going to therapy with you, that is ridiculous." But even with those 3 jobs it still wasn't enough and I was constantly being pulled between "YOU HAVE TO MAKE MONEY RIGHT NOW END OF THE WORLD" and "uhh why are you even worried about money, you need to work your mindset..." When bugged about money I would ask, "What else do you want me to do? I'm working 3 jobs. I'm not hiding money from you. I'm sending you everything that is leftover after I pay my own bills. I've even been buying a lot of my own food, I've been living off ramen and cans of ravioli." And he never had an answer except "just make more money." -- Now to the dynamic I'm currently living in. My dad moved his gf and her dog in without talking to me about it to see if it was going to impact my health. She was only supposed to stay here for maybe 4-5 days while she figured out a new home situation. But when I asked my dad about it in the days leading up to her arrival, suddenly the answer was "oh, she's staying indefinitely." I had no say in it. But we had a talk about what I needed to make this work. I said to my dad that the most important thing was that I have some scheduled quiet time. If I'm recording content or editing audio, I'm going to need quiet that morning so I can get my work done. If I'm resting, I need there to not be shouting or slamming doors happening in the house. He assured me that this was fine and that it'd all be easy for the three of us. The first weekend she was moved in, I let my dad know that I was editing audio that morning and needed

some quiet. He was cheerful and said, "No problem!" I thought wow, this is different. This is nice! This is going to be great for my productivity and health. As soon as I started editing, his gf was blasting music in the kitchen (right next to my room) and they were both laughing and talking loudly just a few steps away from my door. I thought, okay, we talked about this. But I'll just power through. When I was done, I went to my dad and said in a calm manner, "Hey, so this morning I let you know ahead of time that I was editing audio but there was still a ton of music and stuff in the kitchen, so it made it take a lot longer for me." His eyes immediately went dark. He put on an angry parent voice and said, "Okay, I am about to pop. I have enough going on without worrying about making too much noise for you." I said, calmly still, "We talked about this, though, and you assured me it wasn't a problem that I needed this quiet time for editing. So I'm not sure what to do. I'm just letting you know that there was still loud music right next to my room even though we had talked about it." He responded, "Then you need to be more specific because I don't know what you're doing in there." I corrected, "But I told you this morning that I was going to be editing audio and you said it was no problem to have some quiet in the kitchen while I did so." He got more aggressive, "No, you need to be more specific." Again, "I was specific. I told you the time frame that I was going to be editing audio in. You said you understood. I don't know what else to do to fix this other than by openly communicating to you about it." I started crying because--I mean, uhh?? This is gaslighting. I couldn't believe that mere hours after I had specifically told my dad that I was editing audio and that he had assured me it was no problem to have some quiet, that he was accusing me of not telling him what I needed, and that he had not agreed to it or something. Like wtf. He got nastier and blamed me for his stress. But me crying triggered his guilt so he tried to soothe himself by hugging me like he does and I pulled away. I tried to emphasize to him that I'm not just making content for fun. I'm literally trying to make money and contribute to the household like he has told me I need to do for the past 8 years. And when he disrupts my editing process, it just makes it take longer, and it makes it harder for me to earn extra money. His gf was also super rude to me when I tried to be friendly and have a conversation with her. I was telling her about how great it felt to have my sister initiate a conversation about my gender identity and she interrupted me (like she does constantly) to say, "YOU KNOW YOUR SISTER DOESN'T ACTUALLY GIVE A SHIT, RIGHT?" (wtf...) After this, I didn't speak to them for three days. I was feeling the urge to self-harm that whole weekend and all I could do was stay in bed crying after that. I knew if I spoke to them I would just get triggered so I was protecting myself. My dad felt guilty and tried to talk to me in my room. I tried to explain how triggering this whole situation is for me and he said he would do anything to make it easier for me. I had told him what I needed but that he had gaslighted me about it. - This next and last part is going to illustrate the priorities in this household. A few years ago, I started having problems with hives. I spent almost a whole year having very painful breakouts all over my body. It kept me up all night and caused me so much discomfort during the day. I kept telling my dad about it (no response, or annoyed responses), I went to the doctor several times about it (useless ointments), and suffered month after month. I tried so many things, I thought maybe it was bugs, spiders, etc. My asthma was also acting up and I remembered that an ex-neighbor had been suspicious of mold because of their health issues getting better the second they moved out. They had told me back then that we should test for mold. I brought it up to my dad that I had been suffering from this for

long enough and that we should do something about it (mold also makes fibromyalgia and ME way worse). He angrily snapped, "What do you want me to do about it?" I suggested we ask the landlord to mold test the apartment. He refused bc he doesn't like to bother the landlord. I said that I would just order a mold kit myself and he said, "No, let me do it, I'll pick the right one." But he wouldn't even after I kept reminding him. Even after I sent him links to mold kits that we could order. After I got rid of my mattress, my hives got a lot better but I still have issues every now and then. For years I have just lived with this because I couldn't get him to even care about the fact that I was spotted with these big pink hives. When his gf moved in, we had a random rainy day, which seems to have activated the mold. His gf got one tiny little hive and the sniffles. She said to him once, "Hey, I think you have mold in this house." Want to guess what happened after that? You're right. He immediately ordered several mold test kits. I said to my therapist, "How am I supposed to feel about that? Is it really unreasonable, am I really in the wrong to feel hurt by that?" My therapist said, "I mean, I would feel completely invalidated and like I didn't matter." This isn't the first time empathy has been withheld from me obviously (above examples during my flare ups), but sometimes even when it's right in front of him he just can't bring himself to care for some reason. One time a big piece of glass was in my thumb. I said, "Ahhh, glass, help! Glass!" He was eating snacks in the kitchen and just glanced at me, didn't move or say anything. I realized he wasn't going to help, so shaking and bleeding, I managed to pull the glass out with tweezers very painfully. It bled so much and I stood over the sink trying to stop it. My dad just kept eating his snacks, not asking if I was okay or anything, he didn't even look at me. After 5 minutes I still couldn't get the blood to stop and asked my dad if he could help, maybe get me some gauze. He put food in his mouth and sighed, "Just put pressure on it" and walked away. It feels like he's just disgusted with me. I know that he does love me and that he's trying the best he can with all of his mental/emotional/personality flaws but he thinks that just because he puts a roof over my head that he can treat me however he wants and not work on his issues, that it's my fault for being hurt. He thinks that his issues are all on me to learn to endure and it's not right. I know that he resents me for getting in the way of him having a relationship because that's the only message I have gotten since childhood, with every woman he's brought into my home. But in the end his relationships always fall apart because the woman ends up realizing, and stating to him, that he is "emotionally absent". And every time, I comfort my dad through the break up. When he has tried to blame his ex I said once to him that therapy can really help him with his emotional issues and relationships. But he refuses, so. That's on him. But I refuse to believe that I am in the wrong here for saying enough is enough. But he's going to keep trying to make me believe that the problem is just me and my feelings, not his behavior. Nope. Boundary is up. I just have to keep to myself and do what I need to do to stay safe until I can move out. Because I guarantee you he's going to realize he doesn't get enough validation from his gf and then come running back to me as always and then be angry that I'm still holding my boundary strong. I know that this will hurt less as I get distance from it, but I don't like the idea of my pain being my fault when I grew up with this toxic stuff. I'm working so hard to make it hurt less but I can't heal if it keeps happening, so all I can do is back away from what is hurting me instead of being surprised when I'm hurt again. THAT is on me 100%. Hopefully he doesn't grab my desk and slam it against the wall again like in 2014 when I first tried to set this boundary. And of course when he

"apologized" he accused me of "punishing him" by not spending time with him. Jee-zus, dude. Get therapy. I can't be the only one in this family bearing this weight and working on my shit.

[5sosbitchfest]

Reactions to Luke’s IG Story 6/14/2020

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I hate her as much as the next person but bi people in straight relationships are still bi

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I call bullshit on Messy being bi. Sorry, if she was bi, why didn't she come out earlier? Her 'haters'? Where? Also, Luke needs to learn the difference between supporting Pride and celebrating it while PR dating a fake ass 'bi' woman.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I also don’t think it’s fair to say Sierra has never been in a same sex relationship we really don’t know who she’s dated. This is a big problem in the LGBT community, when a bi woman is in a relationship with a man her bi identity gets erased. Halsey has actually talked about this a lot. While I agree that Lierra is not a queer couple, that does not erase Sierra’s identity as a queer woman, and pride is absolutely still for her to celebrate too 🌈

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: *i understand that it was Luke’s post but obviously she had input to post it.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Does Messy’s journey of her sexuality excuse her transphobia? Bc I don’t think so. She sure is selective about who and what she celebrates then. She posted that picture for attention, like everything else she does. It sounds harsh and if she wants to share her journey then great but let’s recognize and call it out for what it is. She doesn’t need to have Luke in a post to talk about her sexuality. Happy Pride Month to that person she purposely misgendered and attempted to invalidate.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: It’s not about disliking Sierra anon. She has only officially came out in a reply on twitter that she later deleted. That’s the only time it’s been mentioned. People struggle to come out and she tweeted and deleted it as if she actually wasn’t saying it. And now her boyfriend is the one essentially coming out for her? That’s what the issue is anon she has never openly said she was bisexual and now that it’s pride month she is? This is just the first time it’s being brought up& it wasn’t even her

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I don’t care that Luke posted good on him but him posting something for pride halfway through the month makes the other boys look inconsiderate for not posting anything

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I'm the anon that said the thing about "lets not make this into a mikey situation" I agree that it was a complete distraction tactic, and I also can not stand Sierra I was just trying saying that even with those two things in mind the post isnt harming anyone and so we shouldn't get mad at luke for making it.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I hate to admit it but I don't see Lierra ending anywhere near soon. Yes, couples don't last forever and still I don't think they will but let's be honest, he cares about her. Idk how things are in their life, and I hope he's happy, but I think she will stay around for this year and maybe a bit of 2021. 🙄

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Okey but was the "biracial" necessary? It made me cringe...

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I know luke can be cringy when it comes to Sierra but cmon haven’t we learn by now all the cringy stuff if from Sierra being on his account lol

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Sierra wrote that ... no caps, her grammar, fave chosen emojis etc totes her 10000000000% although glad acknowledging bisexual biracial but Angel? Angel by day and to stans but I thought she was the “late night devil”

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Something about Luke’s ig story doesn’t sit well with me... the fact that he felt the need to state that she’s biracial and bisexual just makes it look like he’s treating her like some kind of a trophy to show off, idk it just doesn’t feel right

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Why do L and S feel the need to make everything about S? This isn't about you, so shut up and actually get a job.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: “beautiful bisexual biracial angel” i’m gagging and laughing so hard yeah he 100% wrote and posted that himself /sarcasm

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I love luke and I'm happy if he's happy but the way Sierra clings to him in that photo is so gross. It really just feels like she's using him to do her dirty work. Like that post didnt feel genuine at all and it really seems like luke isnt even trying to convince us anymore he just does the bare minimum to make her happy. I dont blame him tho. Just feels icky.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: As a straight person, I hate straight couples and hope to never be cringe.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I'm sorry but that Instagram story that luke posted talking about his "beautiful bisexual biracial angel🥰🥺" does NOT (capitalize, underline and bold) sound like how luke would type something. The first part where he talks about how far we have to go sounds like him but not that that part.. not even close. Want to bet either sierra typed it, gave him the idea to say that OR did both cause we know she monitors him like crazy

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: "Bisexual biracial" is so unnecesarry. Luke, hon, shut up. People are out here fighting for their rights, and you feel the need and have the audacity to make it about your crazy ass girlfriend? Don't get me wrong, I love the boys, but making every fcking thing about your girlfriend-particularly luke- is not the point of these movements. So stfu Luke, stfu Sierra, stop making everything about S. That pisses me off, sorry I just needed to rant somewhere.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: is it just me or does the whole “beautiful bisexual biracial angel” not sound like him or something he’d say??? idk I’m kinda new to the fandom but it felt cringey reading that come from him

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Did you see what luke posted on his story? Seems him and Sierra are getting along great, smh. Also she's confirmed bi as well I guess. That's cool. Hope she doesnt use it as a weapon to defend criticism tho. Also did luke redo his hair cuz it seems very white again. Idk. Seems fishy. What are your thoughts? Do you think he was told to post that to distract from mike?

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: just when I was starting to forgive luke for his “response” to messy’s MESS, he goes and posts this... I’m TIRED

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: ok but as a lesbian it makes me sooo happy that Luke is celebrating pride and he's supportive of her sexuality 🥺 men never take bisexuality seriously and I love that he respects that. YET as someone who doesn't like s I'm like why....... like this week has been so frustrating and we were all like "they don't defend m bc they're in a sm break" and now he comes to post this and doesn't say anything? i just :(

allisonscarlett said to 5sosbitchfest: Honestly pride month came just in time cause I remember some stans saying that sierra is probably not bisexual and now there's luke insta story. I'm not trying to erase anyone's sexual orientation, I'm bisexual myself and I've found it weird that in the past years sierra didn't anything about her sexuality during pride month (and don't remember when she tweeted about being bi but I don't thing that it was in during pride month)

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: is anyone else getting"i can't be racist/homophobic because my gf is biracial and bisexual" vibes from lukes ig story or is it just me??? does he know he's digging a hole???

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: should we assume luke posted that in response to the insiders muke information? interesting timing on his part

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I honestly can't stand Luke rn. Angel? Angel???? ANGELLL????????????

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Okay but I don't think that counts as a "a straight couple thinking pride is theirs to celebrate". Just cause Sierra is in a straight relationship doesn't take away from the fact that she's bi, or mean she can't celebrate pride. And I think Luke wishing her and everyone a happy pride is actually a really supportive thing for him and again doesn't really count as a straight person thinking pride is theirs to celebrate, because he's focusing on her, not himself.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: “my beautiful biracial angel” i hate it here

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Gonna say something to MAYBE make some people happy. That picture was taken at a PROTEST. So they probably aren't together 😂😂 they were just together for the protest

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: The biracial part of his story post is feeding into him being a king for dating a mixed person

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: ok luke did look very cute tho

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Every single time there’s any drama in the fandom, a new “cute” picture pops up and some people really think that’s goals? Like in what world is now the time for that kind of post, if it isn’t a direct pr response to the twitter mess of the past few days? Smh they’re not even trying to be subtle anymore

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: i think it’s fine for straight couples to go to and celebrate pride when one of them or both of them aren’t straight.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I was reading this blog a few hours ago and I read a post where someone said that everyone basically assumed sierra was bi bc of a comment and now Luke comes out calling her "bisexual" as if he was confirming it...Idk felt weird lol

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest:  Bisexual biracial angel😭😭 who made him write that and thought people will take it seriously

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: have you seen luke’s story? “especially to my bisexual biracial girlfriend” i fucking CACKLED like is it how she’s supposed to be known for?

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: thank you luke for that ig post for it will keep messy ass kissers away from m mentions for a while

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Funny how you just brought up everyone saying that Sierra was bi just cause she said she loved men and woman and woopty do guess what luke put on his insta story. “My beautiful bisexual biracial gf” Luke I love you but 🤢

[loove-persevering]

You Don’t Miss Her (Shawn Mendes Imagine)

Description: (Request!) Shawn and reader weren’t the closest of friends but when Shawn finds out his gf has been cheating on him, reader is the one that’s there for him. It’s been a long time and now reader and Shawn are together. what happens when they happen to bump into Shawn’s ex? Angst (for the reader) but fluff please!

 It wasn’t how you expected to spend your Friday night, you were unlocking the door to your apartment when Shawn your neighbor came up and he looked really distressed like he had been crying. ‘’Are you okay?’’ You ask him.

 He looks over at you a little shocked, you hadn’t ever really spoken to him before it was more of your mail getting mixed up at the most. ‘’Yeah,’’ He says glancing over at you before turning back to the door walking inside and slamming it shut, you flinch slightly hearing how loud it was. You look at the door for a few seconds before walking inside your apartment, throughout the night you heard the loud music coming from the other side of your bedroom wall, you weren’t trying to sleep or anything it was just that loud. 

 You walk into the kitchen and notice the box of cookies you had made earlier was still sitting there, you decide it couldn’t hurt and you pick it up walking next door. You try and knock loudly so he can hear you over the music, but that seemed impossible. You kept going wanting to make sure he knew who they were from and eventually you hear the music go down and then he swings the door open and was now standing in front of you. 

‘‘These are for you,’‘ You say handing him the container, he looks down and takes it a little hesitantly and then back up to you, ‘‘You seem like you need them more than me right now,’‘ You laugh. ‘‘Mind to keep the music down though?’‘ You ask him and he gulps nodding his head slowly. You give him a gracious smile before turning back walking next door before you fully enter though you hear him call out to you. 

‘‘Do you want to come in and have one with me?’‘ He asks, he didn’t sound suggestive like he was inviting you to bed he just genuinely seemed like he wanted your company. You agreed and walk back into his apartment, it was set up the same as yours with a few differences. 

 You sat down with him and at first it was really awkward but eventually he began to open up, ‘’I’m sorry I was rude earlier in the hall,’’ He says taking a bite of one of the cookies, ‘’You made these?’’ He asks. 

 ‘’Yeah, this morning! And don’t worry about it,’’ You say to him. 

‘‘My girlfriend cheated on me,’‘ He says letting out a laugh of disbelief. ‘‘Sorry I know we just met but I feel more comfortable telling someone I barely know than talking to any of my friends right now,’‘ He says. 

‘‘I get that,’‘ You say taking a drink of the milk he poured for you. ‘’How long were you together?’’ You ask him. 

‘‘A year and a half, I know it sounds crazy but I really thought she was the one you know?’‘ He asks looking up at you and you nod giving him a sympathetic look, ‘‘We just clicked instantly and I would’ve bet you we would’ve ended up together,’‘ He says letting out a bitter laugh, ‘‘Look how that turned out.’‘ He says leaning back into his chair. 

‘‘I don’t know you very well,’‘ You start off, ‘’But there are a million different people out there, and I know that sounds lame and cliche but it’s true. You get so use to this circle of people your around and you forget there’s a whole world out there filled with even more people.’‘ You say. You had always thought about that, when you’re in a relationship a serious one all you see is a future with that person, but when it ends and your still hung up on them you seemingly forget there are millions of people out there in the world. ‘’I know it just happened but just think about that while you’re going through this you know?’’ You ask him. He watches you with an intense gaze and you smile at him making your way up from the chair, ‘’I should go, I have work in the morning,’’ You say to him. 

He walks you to the door and you turn around once you make it into the hallway, ‘’It was nice to officially meet you,’’ You say to him beginning to walk toward your apartment. 

‘‘Wait!’‘ He asks and you turn around, ‘‘Could we do this again?’‘ He asks you. You nod yes at him and smile and you see one on his face as well, you then turn back around and make your way back home.

______

It’s now a few months later, and those short talks turned into long talks. They slowly began to transition from talking about his ex to talking about yourselves, Shawn got to know a lot of you in only a few short months and now he seemed to be a constant factor in it. You take the key to his apartment that he gave you walking in, it was pretty early in the morning but you were suppose to go to the mall to find an outfit for your interview at a chance of a job promotion. 

 ‘’Hi,’’ You say walking into his bedroom, he was getting dressed, ‘’Wow, good timing,’’ You say giving him a cheeky smile as he pull the shirt over his head, ‘’Damn, I take it back.’’ You say laughing. He walks over to you wrapping his arms around you and leaning in and kisses you deeply for a few seconds. 

 ‘’Hey,’’ He says simply. ‘’Ready to go?’’ He asks and you nod smiling at him. 

 Thirty minutes later you were in Top Shop looking around for some business casual clothes, ‘’What do you think of this?’’ You ask him holding up a pair o beige with black polka dot pants, ‘’With like that one top I wore on our first date, the long black shirt?’’

 ‘’I think that would look good, it’s not too formal and it’s different. It’ll make you stand out I think,’’ He says. 

‘‘Wow, you’re good at this,’‘ You say smiling walking over to him getting up on your tip toes and kissing him lingeringly, ‘‘I’m gonna go see if they have a different pair in my size this has a stain,’‘ You say and he nods. You walk away finding a worked and she goes to get you a new pair, when you walk back you see Shawn standing with a girl talking to her. He looked uncomfortable, ‘‘Hey,’‘ You say softly feeling bad for interrupting. 

‘‘Hi,’‘ The girl says turning to you a odd smile on her face as she glances back to Shawn, ‘‘Shawn?’‘ 

 He looks from her to you with a sympathetic smile, ‘’Y/N this is Stella, Stella, Y/N.’’ He says, he sounded really off like he didn’t want to introduce you to. You recognized the name after a few seconds, Stella was the ex that cheated on him. 

 ‘’Nice to meet you,’’ She says. ‘’Shawn and me use to date back in the day, right Shawn?’’ She asks looking at him, you finally take your gaze away from her and look to Shawn who was already looking at you. 

‘‘Yeah, Stella but that was a long time ago,’‘ He says looking at her annoyed. 

‘‘Seven month’s isn’t that long, especially when we dated for a year and a half,’‘ She says reaching out putting her hand on his arm. 

 ‘’Didn’t you cheat on him?’’ You blurt out. Shawn’s head immediately turns to you shocked as well as Stella who just looks annoyed. ‘’I think that automatically lessens your intimidation against me,’’ You say smugly. Shawn looks at you completely shocked, ‘’We should go,’’ You say finally breaking eye contact with Stella and looking to Shawn, you grab his hand pulling him along with you. 

 You don’t even bother buying the pants you just sit them down and walk out of the store, ‘’Y/N! What was that!’’ Shawn asks when you finally make it out of the door. 

 You turn around slightly hurt at how mad he sounded, ‘’Really?’’ You ask him and he looks at you confused, ‘’She walks up and all of a sudden you don’t know how to say fuck off? You practically let her walk all over me Shawn,’’ You say to him. 

 ‘’No I-’’ He begins but you cut him off.

‘‘Was I like a rebound or something? Like were you just waiting for her to come back or?’‘ You say hearing the hurt that laced your voice and Shawn looks at you his face scrunching up in disgust. 

‘‘You really think that Y/N?’‘ He asks. 

‘‘I mean you moved on pretty quickly from her,’‘ You say to him crossing your arms. 

‘‘You’re annoying,’‘ Shawn says walking away from you, you follow him from behind realizing he was your ride. Once you finally made it to the car you get in slamming the door he does as well. ‘‘I was never waiting for her to come back Y/N, I don’t care about her anymore.’’ He says not bothering to start the car. 

‘‘Then why did you get all quiet?’‘ You ask him. 

‘‘Because, that’s an awkward situation Y/N. Anyone would feel awkward if they were in that situation.’‘ He says. It was true you’d feel awkward too, but he still should’ve stuck up for you more. 

‘‘Yeah, but she was sitting there talking about how long you dated, right in front of me and you didn’t say one thing Shawn.’‘ You say and he finally looks over at you, ‘‘I know that was awkward I do but I’m your girlfriend and if someone is talking bad about me practically right in front of the both of us I want you to stick up for me,’‘ You say to him. 

He looks over at you a small smile breaking out on his face, you look at him confused. ‘’I think you stuck up for yourself pretty well,’’ He says letting out a laugh that causes you to smile as well. ‘’She was so shocked,’’ He says.

 ‘’So were you!’’ You defend. 

He goes quiet for a few seconds after that and then turns to face you, ‘’You’re not like she was, and I told you that first night I thought she was it for me,’’ He says and you felt a slight twist in your stomach remembering he did say those words, ‘’Don’t over think that,’’ He says smiling already knowing you would. ‘’But I was wrong, Y/N. This right here feels right, I know it hasn’t been long but this feels right you and me, it’s different than what I had with her.’’ He explains as you watch him intently, ‘’I don’t have to worry with you.’’ He says and you smile. 

‘‘You never have to worry with me,’’ You assure him, he smiles and leans in and pecks you on the lips. With him you didn’t have a worry in the world. 

[punkscowardschampions]

Liam & Edie

Liam: [sends her some kind of coded thing where the answer equals 6 when she works it out so she knows he's not living his best life without her because they're both weird little nerds] Edie: I'm so insanely bored Edie: what lesson are you in and how many negative ⭐s is it Liam: german Liam: all the negatives Liam: [sends her a picture of his textbook with everyone's eyes stabbed out via pencil holes like miss you] Edie: awh, you wanna give me schadenfreude 😍🥴 Edie: that's generous Edie: I was just thinking that a Columbine would liven this place up Liam: write your list, I'll try & think of anyone I'd wanna keep off mine except for you Edie: but being the last ones standing is what we aim for Edie: and what I want right now Liam: anything else you want before I kick that plan off? Edie: don't need time to say any final farewells to any dickhead in this place Liam: you've got a steadier hand, I'll need you to carve no farewells onto the bullets Edie: more deserving use of my time than whatever I'm not being taught right now Edie: how's your aim though? Liam: -9 ⭐s for the lesson you're in Liam: but + it for my aim Edie: my fault for naively thinking Physics might be interesting when I picked it Edie: forgot we were catering for the braindead masses Edie: I believe it, no bullshit brag detected Liam: chemistry would've let you blow more things up Liam: & make 💊 Edie: 😤 I'm mad Edie: no amount of black holes are gonna make up for this Liam: we'll learn it online Edie: but I wanna blow things up with you now Edie: or not learn German vocab Liam: let's go blow up a 🚽 they have to let you out in case you're about to bleed or cry in front of everyone Edie: and am I? Liam: in front of me & whoever else is in there Liam: unless you wanna upload it after Edie: I do need to make the overreaction my fam had over the weekend worth the headache Edie: owed more trouble, like Liam: my dad was on one too, he's the only one not allowed to show up by his logic Liam: you want a bigger scale? every 🚽 in the building Liam: maybe school would have to shut Edie: Know that, my sister is the definition of one rule for her, another for the rest of us Edie: I reckon we could do 'em all without getting caught in the act Edie: more fun after the fact 📹 to claim it Liam: just need to get creative with our explosives, I won't have enough 🧨 to do every bathroom Liam: you in the labs or a standard classroom? Edie: labs Edie: she's scheduled a breakdown any moment now anyway, she's always pissing off to cry herself so I'll take my opportunity and cue as such Liam: 3 HNO3 + C6H7(OH)3O2  H2SO4 →  C6H7(ONO2)3O2 + 3 H2O Liam: only need nitric & sulphuric acid from you Edie: you're a hot evil genius, okay Liam: there's a story behind it but maybe I shouldn't give it to you Liam: keep that train of thought intact Edie: but I need it Edie: I can keep 'em both on track, trust me Liam: you need it? tell me about that first Edie: I love stories Edie: and I liked talking to you, a lot Edie: and I like it when you give me things Edie: so yeah, it's a need Liam: to make you happy then Liam: the year is 1846 and this german-swiss scientist was messing in his kitchen Liam: he spilled a mixture of those 2 acids I told you to get on his table & grabbed the first thing he had about to clean it up Liam: happened to be a cotton apron & he hung it on his oven door to dry after, super chill until it exploded Edie: that's perfect Edie: scientists really loved making shit happen on accident, just like all life Edie: 🧫🦠 Liam: I was an accident & look how that turned out Edie: Big same Liam: my sister too, different loser dad though Edie: yeah? Edie: we've got that in common too Liam: does seem to be pretty common Edie: happy little accidents Edie: or not so Liam: I don't wanna be like that Liam: the different girls bit at least Edie: people love repeating their parents mistakes and bullshit Edie: even when they railed on it for years Edie: I don't fucking get it Edie: make your own, at least Liam: maybe you'll think this is one but I gotta say it Liam: I don't care about claiming 🚽💥 I wanna claim you Liam: be with me Edie: You mean it Edie: no bullshit Liam: only if there's bullshit that comes with being official & exclusive all of that Edie: I think that's a really, really good idea Edie: not a mistake but even if it was, I still want it Liam: alright, it's yours, me & the gay 🖤 shit Edie: [sends him a 🥰 selfie] Liam: it's my background Edie: you were already mine Edie: [glitter moment shamelessly] Liam: took the longest shower & I'm still finding it 🗺❌ Edie: good thing you suit it Edie: we can try again though, after the literal shitstorm, a shower is a good idea Liam: yeah, wouldn't suit that Liam: german teacher can disagree as loud as she wants Edie: 😏 Edie: can keep their filth and their hands to themselves Liam: I respect that you only covered me in glitter so that those girls would think I was gay & do the same Edie: people gotta respect territory Edie: works until I perfect your tat Liam: I'll get on the school roof with a 📢 Edie: You're everything Liam: you can sample it when you write a song about me Edie: I will Edie: your friend is not getting a feature Liam: his loss Liam: I'll only gloat for a while Edie: you can go as hard as you want, I reckon Edie: you've earnt it, like Liam: I'll go as hard as you want Liam: you're my girl now Edie: I'm yours Liam: make your physics teacher cry for me then Liam: we've got shit to do Edie: 😄 Edie: done Edie: where are we meeting when I'm fully done and have secured the shit? Liam: [a location] Edie: 👍 Liam: 🔜 Edie: making people cry is a speciality of mine Liam: it won't work on me Edie: I don't want to make you cry Edie: ever Liam: good thing I can't ever, all that toxic masculinity Edie: not missing out on much Edie: even if Miss makes a proper performance out of it Edie: more fun ways to do that Liam: yeah there are Edie: 💣💥 Liam: don't have to hand you a 🧨 to cause 🎇🎆 Edie: you don't even know how true that is Edie: yet Liam: for now it's a guess Edie: I'll show you Liam: I just wanna feel something Liam: that's not only 💊🥤 Edie: I will make that happen Edie: you don't need to believe me, just wait Liam: I'm waiting Edie: you deserve to feel everything Liam: I've tried but it don't work out like that Edie: you can't? Edie: or only certain emotions Liam: there's no 💣💥 in me Edie: we can be dead inside together and make it happen to everyone else Edie: for now Edie: [show up] Liam: [just kiss her too hard because everything you do is a little bit too much boy, okay you're numb but there's too many emotions trapped under the surface that we're not addressing so] Edie: [thank god we're so overwhelmed ourselves that we can just roll with this and have it be the most extra thing] Liam: [this is why you two work] Edie: [just approaching this like you aren't her first honey not even 'cos we're fronting but feelings and trying to make you feel things] Liam: [realistically who have you ever slept with either boy unless you've gotten with one of Rio's friends casually prior to this or something like] Edie: [just out here doing the most from the jump, the fam must be like HELLO???] Liam: [shouldn't be here for it but I am] Edie: [we all are by all I mean us and them, no one else lol] Liam: [imagine how shook he'd be because didn't expect it to be like this] Edie: [awkward, like the levels you must pay attention to no one but Rio 'cos she isn't really conspicuous in how she be lol] Liam: [and if he did get with one of Rio's friends when he first started stalking her it clearly didn't work out so he's probably bracing himself for another failed attempt and then] Edie: [it makes logical sense, like tryna get in the friend group lowkey but none of her friends are really here for it[ Liam: [yeah and like in my head he started stalking Rio when his sister had just died so he wouldn't have been bringing his A game] Edie: [exactly dr phil] Liam: [but obviously nothing happened that she could clock as a red flag when she's thinking of suspects he was probably just really blah because numb] Edie: [yeah, and none of her friends are gonna chat shit on the boy who's sister just died really like it's to be expected] Liam: [it's a good cover like you said] Edie: [just sat here like it's so rude we're gonna kill Edie, as if it wasn't rude before] Liam: [I do feel so bad for him even though he literally fucks with Rio's entire life] Edie: [lol same, it's like if you could just stop doing that tah] Liam: [I think it's partly because we both know she ends up okay and living as happy a life as poss whereas he does not] Edie: [yeah, there's no hope and that's just sad, even if you were an absolute dick, like Ro, per example, still sad she dies for everyone else] Liam: [agreed] Edie: [and you aren't that insufferable boy which is just well] Liam: [nobody is, she's next level] Liam: [anyway also do your vandalism and have way more fun than you expected with that as well] Edie: [when it's just a moment for you immediately and you're all in] Liam: [do we wanna close the school or not let them destroy every bathroom in the place for various reasons lol?] Edie: [on the one hand, maybe get caught before you do every bathroom for that trouble mood, on the other, if you shamelessly upload it you'd get in more trouble for making the school look dumb and shit hmm, I think this time get caught and we'll let you be sneaky trouble causing nerds plenty of other times[ Liam: [I'm about that, we know you're both pretty distracted rn so] Edie: [it feels more legit for this instance, and we can separate you and they'd probably call Ali in for the drama of it] Liam: [you can work your way into the fam later boy you're trying to keep your gf highkey for now, I love the idea of both their mums getting called in and awkwardly meeting haha] Edie: [they'd lowkey want them to kick up a fuss and separate them for the school but Ali knows how well that works so it's like well soz you'll have to cope] Liam: [whereas his mum is the opposite, you know the sort never backs the kid and is just wholeheartedly like yes do whatever you think @ the school] Edie: [ahh the joys] Edie: [once that drama has unfurled and you're in your separate detention moments, sending him a pic from the school website of all the staff but she's digitally ❌d out all their eyes] Liam: I miss you too Edie: I hope so Liam: what else would I be doing? Edie: I don't know Edie: you are full of good ideas Liam: I was thinking about setting the fire alarm off Edie: an acceptable second to thinking about me constantly Edie: would hate to perish in a fire with all these cunts Liam: to be with you Liam: I'd get you before they made you line up in the playground for the head count Edie: then we can leave, like we planned Edie: they'll have let our mas fuck off by now Liam: 🗑🔥 Liam: boring if it wasn't for you Edie: you're like Edie: seeing a new colour Liam: maybe I should leave you there longer so you can work on your song about me Edie: don't though Edie: I know it sounds cliche but that's the only way I can explain how blindsided but transformed I feel from you Liam: you're the only person who's said it, don't think that's how cliches work Edie: I don't just say pretty things for the sake of it Edie: or anything Edie: I mean it, regardless of what it does or don't sound like Liam: I know you mean it Edie: if we both set one, it'll take them longer to get back inside Edie: hide and seek and we can finish what we started? Liam: you're on Edie: 3️⃣2️⃣1️⃣ Liam: 1️⃣ 2️⃣ 3️⃣ Edie: [ahh this poor school lol] Liam: [love that you get to be notorious though gal cos peeps gonna be talking about these antics for ages] Edie: [in this fam you have to make your own rep or life is really hard junie and grace, I said what I said] Liam: [tea though] Liam: [I'm trying to think of somewhere cool they could go and my first thought was like a junkyard vibe so they can destroy more things like life is strange and sex education unless you have any better ideas] Edie: [that's always a mood, also very akin to the barn which will clearly be your domain so] Liam: [yeah and somewhere she's probably been loads of times that she knows all the hiding places of so they don't need to be interrupted again] Edie: [live your best destructive lives] Liam: [when he would be and lowkey forget what he's meant to be doing here, such fun, not devastating me at all] Edie: [the theme of these painful two years lmao, I'm so glad you never find out babe truly] Liam: [though ngl I wish you could survive and we could see if y'all as a couple could survive that] Edie: [ahh when you can't do it all, so rude] Liam: [could've had it all rolling in the deep] Edie: [soz you've got to die my love] Liam: [soz you both have, his poor mother] Edie: [yeah that is no fun] Liam: [soz both your kids are dead babe but we need it for the plot] Edie: [some people have the worst luck truly]

[motleymachinegun]

can I ask for a Colson imagine where his gf is a book author and he's her number 1 fan and the fans freak out with how cute they are?😍💏

You’re sitting at your vanity brushing out your straightened hair, you make eye contact with your boyfriend in the mirror, he’s sitting behind you on the couch watching you get ready with a smirk. He smiles at you when he realizes you’ve caught him watching you. He gets up and walks over, wraps his arms around you from behind and rests his head on your shoulder and just stares at you in the mirror. For a moment you enjoy just sitting in silence, at peace, just the two of you.

“Baby I’m so nervous.” You break the silence and turn around in your seat, wrapping your arms around his neck. He pulls you to stand up so he can hold you properly. “Don’t be, everything is going to be great. I think everyone is going to love your new book, I do.” “I’m not nervous about that, well I am but I’m more nervous that it’s YOU announcing me and giving the welcoming speech and I’m nervous that we’re going public about us.” “Why? We’ve been together for over a year and I’m your biggest fan, I don’t care what anyone says.” “You sure? You’re like the best at what you do and you’re known globally. I’m just some nerd who writes books.” “Yeah but you’re my nerd who writes the best books I’ve ever read and is winning a fucking prize for selling over a million books in the first 6 months that is now getting turned into a fucking movie!” He says as he picks you up into his arms and smothers his face into your neck, tracing gentle kisses along your collar bone. You giggle at the light tickling sensation his kisses gives you. He puts you down and holds your face so you’re staring straight up and into his eyes. “We are going to go out there, I’m going to deliver a fucking great welcoming slash congratulatory speech then you’re going to come up there and deliver a damn good acceptance speech and announce your next best selling books release and we will fuck right there on stage and make mega millions for our public porno then we’re going to jet off to Greece or Paris or Rome or some other romantic ass place and celebratory fuck all over the place.” You both laugh as he bends down to kiss you before walking out of the room hand in hand.

You’re sitting in the second row of the auditorium, the front row filled with media people taking notes, recording and taking pictures of all the people on stage. The CEO of Bass Publishing, the publication you have a story contract with, is giving a speech but you can’t pay attention. You’re hands are sweating, your leg is trembling, you keep looking around the room, looking at the at least 300 people seated and standing around the room, all because of your book series. You look back at stage in time to see your boyfriend, Colson, stand up and shake hands with the CEO as he takes the podium. “Good afternoon everyone, how is everybody? I’ve never had to give a formal speech or anything like this before where I had to be on my best behavior and not swear and shit.. I mean not swear or anything.” He laughs and so does everyone else, your stomach tightens as you hear two girls whisper in the row behind you “Why is MGK here and giving this award?” “I don’t know, I know he likes to read but this is so random.” “How do you know he likes to read?” “He talks about in interviews” they both giggle before getting shushed by another person. “Y/N is such a talented writer, who wrote this entire book in 3 days while we were vacationing in the cook island early last year.” A frenzy of gasps and whispers circulated the room as people realized he just announced your relationship. “Oh. My. God. Y/N and Machine gun Kelly! Omg” you hear the girls behind you not even whisper. Colson has paused his speech while the room gets loud with chatter and people start yelling questions at him. He just stands there silent, and smiling watching the crowd for a moment. You glance around the room, everyone seems to be taking it well, you don’t know what you were really expecting but you’re relieved that it’s been taken what seems to be positive. You feel your body relax, you look back up to the stage where you see Colson was waiting for you to make eye contact. You smile at him and give him a thumbs up. He smiles and clears his throat into the microphone. “As I was saying, she wrote the entire story in 3 days early last year, from the moment we landed on the island you could see the inspiration building in her. The first few days as we explored, every time we stopped for even a moment, or to eat lunch, or to relax on the beach she was jotting notes down on her phone. Finally on a rainy day I could tell all she wanted to do was write. Normally when we wake up she gets up, she pees and brushes her teeth then comes back to bed for some one on one time.” He smirks and looks at the crowd for their reaction, you blush and try to hide a smile as people have started to recognize you and take your picture. “But this one particular morning she just sat up in the bed, and kept looking out the window and back at her computer. We had both agreed not to work on this trip, it was our first official vacation as a couple, just the two of us. So I could tell she was trying to respect that, but me being her biggest fan, President of her fan club, I got up and grabbed her laptop and gave it to her. She smiled at me and started typing and didn’t stop typing for days. Now that same inspiration she had and worked into a masterpiece has been published and sold over a million times, inspiring people all over. She deserves this award, she’s the most amazing human, she’s Y/N.” He finished his speech and claps for you as you make your way to the stage and up to the podium. The two of you embrace and share a delicate kiss. He kisses the top of your head before taking a step back, giving you the podium.

When you get back to your hotel Colson immediately goes out on the balcony to smoke a blunt. You lay on the bed and open twitter on your phone. You start reading the fans reactions to the relationship announcement.

“Oh my fucking god, MGK & Y/N is the power couple I never knew I needed.”

“Ok but how have we not noticed Kells and Y/N have been together for at the least a year?!”

“The fact that MGK said he’s the president of Y/N’s fan club is the cutest fucking thing.”

“Babe, the fans love us together.” Colson says as he stands in the sliding door way, you can only see his silhouette in the sunny door frame. “I love us together too.” You say as you place your phone on the nightstand and saunter over to him. He passes you the blunt, you take a hit and shotgun the smoke into his mouth. You give it back to him and drop to your knees, slowly undoing his belt buckle. He lets out a laugh as he runs his fingers through your hair, “I love us together too.”

I’m so sorry this took so long, I’ve just been busy with family and work and I’ve not been in the best place mentally. But I’m trying to work on my writing again. Thank you for being patient with me beautiful fucker.

[mazanica]

Do your Ships usually have any funny moment between them? something like your ¨ incorrect quotes´´ collection posts but this time with your Ships// if so, could you share us? (sorry if I am so bold is that I have curiosity and I always wanted to know :´´3) i love your art

Sorry it took me a minute, I had to give it a thought!

oh they definitely have funny moments between them. For the most part most of my ships’ interactions are wholesome, angsty, cute or serious, I don’t often show the fun/funny parts of their relationships, but they definitely do (because who wants to be with someone who doesn’t at least try to make you laugh??)

(under the cut)

Bonnie and Blue often tease each other about their heights (Blue is short for an animatronic and Bonnie is tall even for an animatronic)! Not just with words of course, but sometimes one or the other will make a show of having to climb up or kneel down to even hug. It’s great. Of course, there’s also the sarcastic/sweetheart dynamic between them and that “Someone will die” “of fun!” quote fits them pretty well. (Also that’s ironic considering Blue is actually the more violently inclined one, barring the Aftermath AU)

Freddy makes really bad puns and jokes a lot (he’s not officially a dad yet, but he’s got the dad jokes down!) and often Red is the only one who finds them funny. He’ll snicker while everyone else groans and walks away or attempts to murder Freddy. They also tend to do that “Do you think-” “Yeah, but-” “No, I don’t think so, what about-” “No, we don’t want to actually-” “Yeah you’re right, too much cleanup. Maybe-” “Yeah, much better idea. What about-?” “Great! So agreed?” “Agreed.” where they talk in half sentences and 100% understand each other while everyone else is left wondering what the fuck just happened. Also they lowkey judge the others together (but not like maliciously, just that sort of “What’s wrong with him?” “Everyone has a different theory” sort of judging).

Chica and Chii have something similar, but they don’t even have to start speaking. They just share a look, agree and go do whatever it is they’re thinking- often then forgetting to tell the others exactly what their plan is (which gets annoying to the others when they’re directly involved). Oh yeah, Chii loves when Chica picks her up and sometimes you’ll find her on Chica’s shoulders, just because she can be. (Bonus of having a buff GF yo) I think the incorrect quote I assigned them was the “Damn she’s pretty.” “You’re pretty too, Chica!” “I’m not jealous, Foxy, I’m gay,” quote.

Foxy and Mangle are chaotic couple energy. You have two hyper foxes running around causing havoc playing pretend, you get all sorts of hijinks, and they share 1 braincell between them- and Freddy confiscated it after they decided to play scientist in the bathrooms. They are nothing but a funny moment... except for a few instances... :) I love my chaotic fox couple, don’t @ me. However, unlike Freddy and Red, or Chica and Chii, they do not understand each other with a look and/or half a sentence. In fact many misunderstandings can occur. It’s great.

Spring and Goldie are 100% sugar and 110% angst, tbh. Goldie is the clumsy to Spring’s elegance. They’re lovey dovey, always flirting, always saying how much they love each other... but it wasn’t always that way. Spring was oblivious for a looong time about how Goldie felt- hints flying right over his head. On the other hand, Goldie was oblivious about how Spring felt, even when Spring practically threw the truth in his face. So it was that for the longest time, Freddy and the other OGs (the Toys never met Spring, sadly) would watch these two disaster gays and make bets on who would figure it out first and when.

Shadow Freddy and Shadow Bonnie are just. They’re them. Those two aren’t serious at all, not until they’ve majorly fucked up and realize they’ve really hurt someone. So every moment for them is another moment of potential hilarity. They also high key judge the others, and they work together to prank people. But they never prank or tease each other- they’re two of a kind and while they’ll joke together, they don’t want to risk actually hurting each other.

I have no idea if this answers your question, but I haven’t any more Incorrect Quotes than what I’ve already posted XD But hey, enjoy the ship content~

[themiddlelayer]

Just more Bitching

It’s not like my life is all that bad at all... things are generally awesome but I had another rough day yesterday. And there’s my job thing. And the unknown about whether or not Tampa got the job back in Florida... blah, blah, blah...

I’ve got about 45 minutes until I’m off work for the night. I’ve done a little bit of actual work today but in general have been super low on ‘fucks to give’ around here. My boss is out of the country another couple days so the upside is that I don’t have the impending fear that she’ll call me for no apparent reason. I had a conversation with another co-worker who said that the morale is in the toilet everywhere and that she was told by another department director there were more ‘big changes’ coming. You know it’s bad when fellow work-from-home team members are sensing the low morale and lack of direction we’re all feeling. 

Yesterday I got up early to try and get some schoolwork done while Tampa slept in a little. While sipping my coffee I did the usual checking e-mails and facebook and ended up logging into the site where the joint bank account with MM is at. It’s only technically ‘joint’ because we haven’t done paperwork to remove me, though. And I didn’t mean to snoop but when I opened it up to check my credit score tracker the ‘overview’ had a ridiculously high account balance so I went through the details.

Now, MM’s life and money aren’t my business and I like it that way, except that he’s asked for more than just the bills I’m taking out of the marriage in order to cover a gap in household expenses. He’s basically been whining that without my income he’ll have to decide which bills not to pay in the coming months. 

That said, imagine my rage when I saw two deposits for nearly $10K that came in this week. Plus a deposit on the 1st of the month for roughly what the deficit in finances (aka what he would ask for as rent) from the chick he brought to Cookie’s wedding. Oh, and the multiple $100+ dinners including 2 at the Brazilian steakhouse and a hotel in VEGAS. Fucker was bitching about money and instead of using some of it to cover the gap in expenses and, you know, living within his means, he has continued to spend like crazy and live like a rockstar. 

I took about an hour to cool off and do some schoolwork before initiating a conversation with him. It turned out that the big deposits were refunded interest from 2 credit cards who retroactively reduced the rate to the ‘military rate.’ The deposit from his GF was ‘her half’ of the Vegas trip. Now, she paid it on the 1st of the month but they didn’t go until the 8th... and if $455 was her HALF, what the fuck else did he do in Vegas that he put on his personal credit card?!? 

In the end, we agreed to get a legal separation agreement in place that will be effective the 1st of the year. This will make his money officially no longer my business, which is a huge relief. But the emotional fallout took its toll on my day for sure.

Tampa saw me before I talked to MM and then I updated him after I got out of my office. He was nothing but supportive and loving (as usual) but it brought up my insecurity over being financially dependant on him like I am. He’s continued to say that we can talk about money once things have settled down for me and in the meantime I’ve taken responsibility for the bulk of the housework and I buy almost all the groceries. It’s a good arrangement for us both, but it still puts me in a position where, if Goddess forbid, something happened between us I’d have to rearrange my life again with an income that *might* get me into a shitty little apartment here in Arizona. The possibility of moving back to Florida with him just adds another unknown on that front, too. 

The rest of our weekend was great, though. We went to sushi then I made cinnamon toast crunch bars (think rice crispy treats) with a couple medicinal snickerdoodles ground up and mixed in. I hadn’t made anything like these in awhile and they ended up looking, as Tampa’s buddy said, “Like jizz covered cheese-its.” And that was before we dealt with removing the wax paper backing. Next time, buttered parchment paper! Whoops! 

It turned out that the snickerdoodles made for a different kind of treat that left me feeling relaxed and happy but not stupid and hungry. Win! Oh, and I may have had a couple more bites of them this afternoon... I feel focused and able to concentrate but I want another one because they were so yummy. New rule: any medicinal treats need virgin versions made at the same time! 

Tampa had to go out of town for work this week so he won’t be back until late Wednesday or early Thursday. I’m hoping to get myself back on track with getting up at a reasonable hour while he’s away so I can get up and get motivated on my schoolwork and work work. 

Tonight’s project is to take pics of all my ‘fat clothes’ so I can sell them. I’ve gone through the bags and donated a bunch already but I’ve got some really nice dresses and bras that were barely worn as well as a bunch of jeans and nice work slacks. I’ve got to get myself a buffer going for next month when I have to get my own car insurance and register my car in my name. 

Tick tock... one of these days I’d like to have a job where I don’t start counting down to the weekend on Monday. 

[perpetualcuck]

Steph Cheats Again

Stephanie moved back to town the next year. Her mom didn't get back together with her dad but she wanted her to be close to her friends. When they got back to town Steph called me. We talked on the phone for a long time. She apologized again like she did in her letters and I told her I forgave her. Said I understood. We agreed to meet at the mall that weekend.

Soon we were officially going out again. She seemed happy and I was too for the most part. I thought maybe now that she'd had sex with someone else she'd let me fuck her too. But she told me she regretted it. said she shouldn't have. That she was too young. That she didn't love him and should wait to have sex with someone she loved. I told her I loved her and she said she loved me too but we should go slow. I agreed even though it was killing me. Every time I looked at her I couldn't help but imagine that other guy who had fucked her. Couldn't help but imagine what it looked like when he fucked her. Couldn't help but imagine what she looked like, how much she enjoyed it, whether she moaned or cried out. I would jerk off at home thinking about it.

One day when I was at her house I asked if she had a picture of him. She looked at me funny and casually said "yeah". I asked to see. She didn't want to show me at first but I insisted. So she went to her desk, opened a droor, and took out a box. It was filled with pictures of the two of them together. They were holding hands, kissing, being gf and bf. She said they were taken by friends. She looked happy. He looked like a jock. He apparently had been on the football team.

I noticed the box had letters. I asked if they were from him. She tried to close it but I stopped her and grabbed one. It was. She jerked it out of my hand but not before I caught a few lines. Him saying he missed her. That he missed being with her. I asked if she missed him and loved him. She said no but I didn't believe her. Why else would she keep all that stuff? We got in a fight and I left.

We made up not long after that but I couldn't ever get it out of my head. I was constantly thinking about what they did together. Another day when I was at her house and her parents weren't home I took a look in the box while she was taking a shower. There were tons of letters. Some very recent. In them they talked about usual stuff. But they also talked about sex. He talked about how he missed fucking her. How he missed her sucking his dick. How he wanted her to come visit. I got a sense for what she had written him by the things he said. Apparently she talked about how much she missed sex with him too. That she hadn't had sex with anyone else (he was glad to hear that). She told him I wanted to get back together with her. He told her not to. And definitely not to have sex with me. He said I was pathetic. I put the letters back and went to the living room. When she came out she could tell I was mad but I wouldn't say why. We got in another fight and broke up. This time for weeks.

Eventually we mad up. She promised she loved me and said one day maybe it would happen. But it never did. One weekend we went to a party together at a friend's house. There were a bunch of us as well as his brother and a bunch of his friends. It was really his brother's party and in order not to get busted by his little brother he had agreed to let some of us come over in return for bro not turning him into their parents.

Of course there was beer at the party. And yeah we all had some. Steph did too. She was having fun and laughing and dancing and was kind of the life of the party. The high school guys were flirting with her and she was flirting back. I tried to get her to stop but it just made her angry. I got mad and went out to the back yard to cool off. Some of my friends came with me. I was out there about an hour thinking maybe she'd come looking for me. But she didn't. Finally I went back inside to look for her. I looked in the living room, the kitchen, the garage and couldn't find her anywhere. The HS kids kept looking at me and would laugh and leave make jokes under their breath. I didn't know why at first.

Finally I went upstairs to see if maybe she was there with one of the other girls. I made it up the stairs and turned down the hall. As I got close to my friend's brother's room I heard moaning and the sounds of a bed shaking. I stopped outside the door. I'd heard the moan again and the bed bouncing rhythmically. I'd never heard anyone actually having sex outside of a porno. I listened at the door. It was so hot. The girl was moaning over and over and you could tell how he was humping her by the movement of the bed. Then I realized the door was slightly ajar. They had neglected to close it all the way. My cock was rock hard at this point and my heart was pounding in my chest. I knew I shouldn't be listening in but I couldn't help it. I wanted to see. So I gently pushed the door open so I could peek inside. I saw the foot of the bed first, then two people's legs. The girls legs were wrapped around his waist and ass. They were both naked and he was pounding into her good. He was telling her how tight she was and how much he loved fucking her pussy. She was still moaning. I kept looking up slowly scanning toward their faces. Her breasts were smaller than I expected. Then I heard her voice, "Oh...Oh...Jessie...Fuck me...yes....yes..."

It was Steph's voice. I opened the door more and there she was. On her back getting plowed by one a HS dick. Neither of them noticed me. He was fucking her without a condom. She was moaning louder and louder and then all of a sudden with one deep thrust he let out a groan/roar. I didn't realize what was happening at first until she started saying "no, no, no wait!" He came in her. He came in my gf. The one who had already cheated on me. The one who wouldn't let me fuck her. The one who wanted to wait for love. I'd just watched a guy fuck my gf. I turned around and ran down the stairs, out the door and all the way home.

She called me the next day. Said she heard I left the party. Wanted to know where I'd gone. I told her I had seen everything. She was quiet but didn't deny it. I asked why she'd lied about the love thing. She said "I don't know. I liked the attention and he was hot." she apologized. Wanted to know if I wanted to break up. I told her yes. That I hated her. I never wanted to talk to her again. I hung up.

But that didn't mean I didn't jerk off to the memory. God I jerked off over and over to it. All the damn time.

Soon I found out she was fucking other guys. Mostly his HS friends and some others in my grade. I was crushed and humiliated. But I kept jerking off and cumming to the memory of another guy fucking my gf.

[taylorswiftreadmydiary13]

It all started with Tim McGraw

This is how many years ago y’all?

Take me back!

I was maybe 19 years old. Playing soccer at my local community college. Had just gone through my worst break up with the rudest shallow Hal ever. This guy, literally would break my chips out at chilies because “it was going to make me fat.” These were MySpace days. Everyone is just getting use to the influence social media had on your lives. Changing of your top 8, or 16. The importance of your rank on each persons profile. This ex, was my first encounter with a narcissist. His parents tried to pressure me to go to their church... where they were being told California’s money issues were the fault of the gays! Anyone with a tattoo was going to hell (As I covered my left food with my right to hide my tattoo that everyone had already seen & was glaring at) good thing my best friend was going to hell too, she could pick me up! I broke it off with him decided that I was done with boys and relationships and was going to be single for a year!

I was working for the San Jose earthquakes at the time as a blue crew girl. Focusing on soccer and school, family and friends. At work, the other girls and I were to lead the longgggg line of kids and camp coaches onto and around the field before the game. Behind us was a pack of European guys, mostly from the 🇬🇧 UK with all their amazing accents (I was insistent on not melting for them, it was so hard). About 5 of them stepped forward toward me and asked if I was single. I looked at them, smiled and rolled my eyes. My friends spoke up and admitted “she actually just broke up with her boyfriend!” I was blushing so bad...

One boy stepped forward, he looked like an hollister model. Tall, tan, handsome... a little skinnier than my taste in guys but he had a smile that was so infectious... his name was Iwan. He followed me around the entire shift. As an employee, we are there for hours before and after the game. I told him that I wasn’t looking for anything, and actually wanted to be single. He wouldn’t leave me alone insisting that he wouldn’t stop asking for my number. I remember one of the guys, Simon, saying in the best accent “you have very nice teeth and gums.” (Wtf LoL) it made me cover my mouth, Iwan stepped up and said “don’t hide your smile, you have the prettiest smile I’ve ever seen!” He gave me these bracelets he had on his arm. I eventually caved in because no one had ever worked so hard for my phone number, and because I didn’t want to get in trouble at work for having another employee from a different department shadowing me the entire game/time. I figured he’d leave me alone and I can figure it out later by either going ghost or engaging.

My friends and I are all giddy over their accents, and how fun they made that shift. They convince me to entertain it and just see where it goes. So we agree to all meet up with all of them the next week. I find out that he is staying with 2-3 other coaches with a local host family. They come here for work as coaches and stay together in hotels, coach these teams and kids and the pitch to the kids/families to “host a coach” for the season. When we get to this families house in Santa Clara... Iwan introduces me to the family... and another coach named Jimmy he was tan, hairy, and the funniest person I had ever met, & another guy named Nick he was totally opposite of Iwan and Jimmy. He was tall like them... but blonde & had the most beautiful blue eyes I had ever seen. He looked at me silently for what was awkward amount of time before he said Hi but just walked right out the door.

Everyone commented on it. Wondering why Nick didn’t have much to say, how unlike him it was. Jimmy mentioned Nick was probably going out with his stripper girlfriend. (What?!) come to find out she was really a stripper. She, like him, was 22 (older than I was) and apparently it was pretty serious. Ever since they met, nick spent all his time with her. Well... as gorgeous as he was, as beautiful as those eyes were... and as awkwardly long as our stare may have been.... I knew I was “cute,” but I was no where near confident enough to be a stripper. That was so opposite me, so my “feeling” I had about nick was turned into “I’m totally opposite of what he likes...” maybe we won’t get along.

I met a few other friends of theirs. We always hung out in groups. We went bowling. To the movies. Out to eat. Mini golfing. But mostly we just hung out and learned the differences between what we called different things. One time Sam was driving going to turn left, and he turned onto the wrong side of the road! I swore we were going to die. They’d say “merry buns...” and I’d ask if they were talking about Cinnabon... they were apparently talking about Barry bonds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ suffice it to say we spent most of the time just laughing so hard we almost peed our pants. We would always invite Nick... but he never came.

Iwan finally just decided that I was his girlfriend. I resisted. Insistent that we were friends, but no no no... I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship yet. He grabbed my hand and never let it go. I guess I had a new boyfriend. He was sweet... it was all fun. And part of me was flattered that he liked me that much. I think the most we ever did was kiss. He waited and worked so hard for that kiss too.

& then one weekend they all had to go down to LA for another MLS camp. So off they went. Iwan didn’t have his own cell phone, so we would text and talk through Nicks when Nick was home. I can’t remember if nick went on that trip or not, but I remember getting a text from him saying that Iwan and Jimmy got fired and were being sent back home. I had no way of getting in touch with him, to this day we still never officially broke up 😂 it wasn’t that serious. But I remember thinking “I now have a boyfriend on the other side of the world... with no way of breaking up with him... I’m offially a player from this moment on!” I thanked nick for letting me know and apologized for ever making him feel awkward.

He asked what I meant... well, every time we ALL went out, he always said no. He never ever wanted to hang out with them whenever I was around. On top of that, my self proclaimed boyfriend used his phone to talk to me, that couldn’t have been comfortable. He replied “I never hung out with you because I didn’t want to talk to you.” Damn. So it was me. Harsh Nick, harsh. So I apologized again and said “have a great life.” Like, wtf am I suppose to say to that? Then my phone goes off again and he asks if I want to go watch a game together? Wtf!!!! So I call him... bc wtf sort of message are you sending rn?! He tells me “I liked you, I didn’t want to see you talking to anyone else, so I stayed away. Let’s go grab some lunch and we will just watch the game.”

It was weird. It was spur of the moment. It was everything in the world pushing and pointing me to yes. So I went. Picked him up. We went to a local pub to watch the Man U game. We sat and talked. I don’t even remember what we said... but it felt like a movie. We just got along, as friends. I asked about his stripper gf. He said “she wasn’t my gf, she wanted to be. But with you coming and taking all my friends out with yours who else was I suppose to hang out with? She was cool, but she’s just a friend.” Mmmmhmmm

The group of his friends, and mine dwindled down to just he and I hanging out. We didn’t do anything but enjoy each other’s company. I remember playing soccer 1v1 with him for hours. Laughing so hard that I had to lay down and keep my arms above my head just to catch my breath. He made me laugh like no one else ever had. We were friends. I wanted to make him feel more at home, so I played spice girls and the Beatles every time he got in my car. I remember he said “we don’t have to listen to British singers... let’s listen to your favorites!” I had just got my hands on Tim McGraw’s Live Like You Were Dying Album.

Every now and again, you get your hands on an album that just changes you. It consumes you. And you put it on repeat day in and out for entirely way too long. That was this album for me. So... Nick, meet Mr. Tim McGraw! My favorite song: can’t tell me nothing. We spent the entire spring together, playing and watching soccer, listening to Tim. I decided to take him to a party with my teammates & some other athletes from our college. He went to get me a drink, and somewhere between us walking in and the drink a group of girls heard him and his accent talk. He was cornered and surrounded by all these gorgeous flirtatious girls. And out of nowhere, I felt it burning from the pit of my stomach up to the top of my head. I was jealous!!! I knew I had liked him from the very first time our eyes locked. But I also doubted he would ever like me 1) I’m not stripper confident. 2) I’m young... he was 22. I was just 19. He couldn’t take me to any of the bars or anything. But here I was feeling like he was mine, when he wasn’t. So I went up to him with both drinks in hand (one for me) grabbed it from it and walked away to the group of guys I knew from soccer. Not intentionally to make him jealous, but because they were the closest people to me that I actually knew and I needed to feel like I wasn’t there alone in that moment in time. I don’t know where the girls were, outside I think.

Next thing I know Nick is interjecting himself into the conversation and telling them that I was there with him so they should stop flirting. 😲 fucking speechless!! excuse me... but weren’t you just backed into the corner surrounded and flirting with girls who were saying “isn’t his accent just the cutest?” And “are you single?” To which he said he was! I don’t think so! So we went outside to hash this shit out bc who the hell do you think you are?! I didn’t want to admit that I was jealous. I didn’t want to admit that I even had feelings. I basically put him in his place and said we are here as friends, you don’t get to do that or act that way with me when you’re single. I marched back inside and tried to push it all out of my mind. As soon as he walked back inside, he was surrounded by girls, being nice to them and answering questions. But he kept his eyes on me the entire time. It was making me incredibly uncomfortable in every way possible. So I decided it was time to go. Because I drove him there, I offered to take him home right then or said he could get a ride from one of them. The line of eager girls offering themselves up as taxi tribute was long... but he said goodbye and went with me.

I remember being drama drama drama and putting on wanna be 😂 because I’m a brat like that. Just blasting it so loud that all he could do was laugh the drive back to his house. I remember pulling up to his house and just being over it. I was so jealous but I wouldn’t and couldn’t even admit it to myself. I just wanted him to go. But he stayed, and talked. He accused me of being jealous but could see my stubbornness. So instead he said he wanted to show me something. He made me promise I wouldn’t leave. He said he wouldn’t get out of my car unless I swore. So I did. Intrigued as to what was so important that couldn’t wait. He ran inside and ran back out carrying a cd case. He wanted to talk about each and every cd in that case. Every song. I don’t know that he even had anything important to say about any of them... he just kept talking. Rambling.

He was slowly breaking down my wall. He was breaking down my anger. That was his entire motive the entire time. It was almost 3 am at this point. We had pulled up at 1230! I told him that I should go, but he said he wanted to show me something else. He asked me to go inside. He said we would be looking at pictures, but we had to be quiet bc of the family and his roommates. I was hesitant, but he promised he wanted to show me his family. So... off we went. He pulled out a picture album. I thought he said the pictures were online. He could’ve brought these pictures out. But we sat there together, on that oversized couch looking at pictures of his mum & dad, his gran, & I listened. Looking at every picture. Just hearing him tell me all about his life back home. Then he turned on the computer to show me more. By time time it was after 4 and the sun was going to be coming up soon! I did not want to be doing that awkward “walk of shame” out in front of everyone when we literally didn’t do anything. So I begged him to walk me out. He jumped back in my car.

What are you doing?! I asked. “I don’t want you to go. I don’t want us to end like this. I’m sorry, I’m sorry I got so jealous when I saw all those guys talking to you. I shouldn’t have said you were there with me, but then tell those girls I was single. I know you’re mad at me, I just can’t lose you. I’ve never had a better friend, & I can’t let you leave and it never be the same between us. The truth is... is I was jealous. I do like you, more than a friend. I don’t know if you feel the same way, but I think you do. I think you were jealous too... I love you. I’ve known it from the first time you came to the house with Iwan. From the moment I ever laid my eyes on you. You were mine. I just didn’t know if you felt the same way. But tonight we were both jealous. And I don’t want to waste any more time that I have here with anyone other than you.” He leaned in and kissed me

I can still feel him lean in and kiss me when I think about it. The intensity of the truth spilling out of his mouth, almost like he couldn’t control it. The sun was rising and we decided to go to McDonald’s on Stevens creek to get breakfast, we cuddled while we ate. It’s been almost 16 years and every time a I drive by that McDonald’s I still think of him.

We were inseparable all summer long. Doing all the same things we did before, only now it was accompanied with hand holding, cuddles, hugs that lasted forever, and the sweetest kisses. Listening to music out by the lake on CD players... dancing in the moonlite. Laying for hours just resting my head on his chest.

I knew he was flying back home the day after thanksgiving. We spent every single day together, every moment just living in love. We didnt do anything more than hugging and kissing until that last night. It was all life changing. Honestly, the very first love of my life was this man name Nick Day. And that last night, that last moment together, we got out of my car and just laughed and held each other. He looked at me and said “I’m going to come back for you. Idk when. I don’t care if you have a boyfriend, or engaged, I’m going to come back to your parents house and steal you back and love you for the rest of my life. I’m going to come back for you, and I’m never going to let you go.” I remember the stars that night, I’m not lying when he said my eyes shined brighter than them, and that was one of the things he loved most about me. We had our last kiss. I believed him... he’d be back.

Wikipedia says Tim McGraw was released in 2006 by Taylor and BMR but I swear it was 2005 when I first heard it on the radio 95.3 KRTY. The very first time I heard this song, was way before it was a hit on the radio. They would release 3-5 new songs during a lunch hour every week and everyone would vote on which would be the biggest hit. From the second I heard it, TEARS were streaming down my face. I felt like this girl singing had read my diary & ripped the page out, wrote my life story with Nick, changed my eye color to blue... & released it to radio. I was driving over the dumbaron bridge, just in ugly crying hysterics. I remember speeding home to add this song to my myspace and to look up this girl named Taylor Swift. She was younger than I was... and all I could do after that was message her on MySpace and just thank her for writing this song and telling her all about the first love of my life name Nick. To my surprise she replied back to me! We eventually became pen pals on MySpace and talked frequently enough that anytime she came to San Jose or the Bay Area on a radio tour, I’d get to see her. Never for very long... but oh how she felt like one of my best friends. Our last phone call was nick reminding me how I had introduced him to Tim McGraw and how he said anytime he hears him or spice girls or the Beatles how he would forever think of me.

I remember it like it was yesterday, the lady who’s still on it (who drives me insane) said that it was a sweet song... but that she didn’t think Taylor was going to be a big hit. I was so angry with this lady, this is when I decided she wasn’t just annoying, I hated her. Instant Taylor Swift Fan and I was going to fight this Julie lady on the radio. I called in and literally told her she was wrong and that Taylor was going to be huge, mark my words I swore.

Slowly, (like literal years) my faith in him faded. Our song slowly started to sound more and more like strawberry wine by Deana Carter. But I waited and waited. He did however, see and hear that song called Tim McGraw on my MySpace page and called me to ask if I had written it. He said it was def our song. That he does think about me and still promised to find a way to come back one day. Facebook came. He had a new girlfriend, & my God was she gorgeous. She was tall, skinny, blonde, just beautiful. It killed me, even after all those years. But he was happy. So I was happy for him. The thought of him still to this day puts a smile on my face.

Flash forward 11 years. It was 2016. I had just had my second baby, a boy, just two weeks old. I was still healing from my csection and in pain, and my phone buzzes. It’s a DM on my Twitter (which I don’t & hadn’t used in years). From a Nick, asking me if it was me and if I remembered him. We exchanged a few messages before he asks for my #. Before I even have a second to think my phone is ringing. It’s him. He’s calling me from somewhere in Asia where he teaches English. He’s still with that gorgeous girl (7 years) but he was in a bar with friends and in walked an American wearing a Taylor Swift shirt and it reminded him of me and Tim McGraw. So he tried to find me... on Facebook, on MySpace (where he’s still my #1 friend) but that there was no contact information. So he was glad I answered Twitter when I did. He asked about me and my life. I told him that I had kids, one a new born. He asked when I got married (I hadn’t), and I asked why he wasn’t engaged or married yet. He said he wasn’t sure if she was the one or not but that she was constantly dropping hints for him to take it to that next level. 11 years.... he still thinks of me when he hears Tim McGraw or Taylor Swift. 💜

Coincidence that Taylor’s hidden message in Tim McGraw lyrics is cant tell me nothing? I think not.

Oh & my favorite/lucky # is 13 too. I wasn’t born on 13, but when put together it looks like a B

So thank you @taylorswift for putting words to songs and making my first ever soundtrack to my life.

💜 Brandie