#in true german fashion

[echotunes]

I am getting very close to having finished translating all the relevant parts of ordem rulebook. WHICH IS EXCITING!!!

[boowritess]

babies!?!?!

simon ghost riley x reader

"Aw I can't wait to see the two of you with your own little one running around." Your sister gushes as Simon balances her baby on his lap while you play with your nephew.

At her words you and Simon give eachother a side eyes. A smile tugs at the corner of Simon's scarred lips, whilst you puff out an airy laugh.

The whole baby conversation was nothing new, and because you and Simon had been together for so long, people were quick to assume that the both of you would start thinking bout having children of your own.

Your sister didn't help, always cooing and awwing about how Simon was so good with the kids, especially your neice.

A large hand rests on your lower back, "Nah, we have our hands filled with Johnny." Simon sniggers, laughing more when you elbow his side. The baby in his lap looking up at him in surpise at the deep noise that emitted from the usually quiet man.

"But it would be so cute. Imagine having a little one that looks like the both of you-" You sister starts to go on her usual ramble about what your kids could potentially look like, how adorable it would be to see the both of you with kids of your own.

Later that evening, at your shared apartment, Simon chuckles as you walk over to where he's sat on the couch, "Looks a bit like you doesn't he?" Simon drawls.

You turn and the asshole has his large hand wrapped around your ginger cats face, his head turned to you. Despite the cats purring and tailing flicking in content, you scowl and wack Simon over the head. "Don’t hold my baby like that!" You snap, settling beside Simon, who releases your cat. The cat settling in your lap.

And in true ginger cat fashion, the very cat who was once purring in content in Simon's hands, scratched the very man who tried to pet him again.

"Scratches like you." Simon huffs, pulling his hand away.

You just chuckle, eyes locked on the four legged creature that bouncrd into the room, "And Riley doesn't listen, like you..." You chime in amusement, watching the dog.

Simon turns his head to the German Shepherd and scowls once he see the mask hanging from Rikey's mouth. The dog having the audacity to wag its tail.

"Fuck sake, Riley, I said no!" Simon growls getting up from the couch and chasing after the dog that barks and runs away from the man.

You watch in content as your cat purs in content in your lap while Simon chases the dog around the apartment.

From this perspective it seemed like you already have your own little one running around doesn't it?

a/n: on my anti-baby agenda lol these the only babies i want in my life oop x

[23victoria]

Passing the Phone

f1 grid x reader

warnings: cussing, unhinged, satire, complete jokes (are they?...), dark humor ig…idk, talk of age gaps, sa allegations, no just kidding...very much reading people to the filth

authors note: lmaoo don’t ask me why i wrote this cause idk…but this is so unhinged 😭😭 please don’t take offense to this and if you do…i said don’t…all jokes i love them, some of them, you can find it funny or you won’t, just wanted to get this out of my drafts

want to be tagged in my works?! CLICK HERE!

f1 masterlist

Video starts with Y/N holding the phone, in selfie mode.

Y/N: I'm passing the phone to someone who had the biggest breakup in F1 history with a blond German boy named Nico.

Lewis: Babe, no!

Y/N: What, too soon? It's been years but okay! Sorry! Okay, let me start again. I'm passing the phone to someone who said "Fuck Mercedes" and is going to Ferrari for 2025!

Lewis: Y/N, no!! You cannot say that! You’re gonna get me in trouble!!

Y/N: Fine, fine, fine. I'm passing the phone to the GOAT of this generation with the most wins in F1 history, yet he was robbed of the championship in 2021.

Y/N passes the phone to Lewis.

Lewis: stares at Y/N then laughs “I'm passing the phone to someone who is known more for his memes than driving skills.”

Lewis passes the phone to George.

George: laughs “Hahaha real funny…I'm passing the phone to someone who took six years to get their first win."

Lando: “Dude, what the fuck?! Fuck you, Woody! I'm passing the phone to someone who's younger than me yet acts years older than me.”

Oscar: “....You're not funny... I'm passing the phone to someone who's most likely losing their seat next season.”

Logan: “The fuck, Oscar! I thought we were friends! Low blow, mate. I'm passing the phone to someone who has yet to get P1, yet all his friends who got into F1 after him have won races already.”

Alex: “....And that, Logan, is why you're losing your seat. Mr. What The Fuck is A Kilometer. Anyway, I'm passing the phone to someone who just got brutally murdered by an interviewer on Sky Sports regarding their F1 career, if you could call it that.”

Daniel: “You shouldn’t be talking Mr. I Have No Wins….eat shit…I'm passing the phone to the shortest person on the grid but cusses more than anyone here.”

Yuki: “That interviewer was right, why the fuck do you still have a seat in F1?!! Dickhead. I'm passing the phone to a man with good fashion sense and his teammate might steal his seat.”

Zhou: “Bro….really. I'm passing the phone to someone who acts like he's Australian when he’s not…oh, and his seat is at risk too.”

Bottas: “Yeah, yeah, whatever mate. I'm passing the phone to someone who has enough penalties in just nine races that he can be banned from racing in F1… permanently.

Kevin: “You're so funny, Bottas, hahaha…ha. I'm passing the phone to a dickhead.”

Nico: “Fuck you too asshole. I'm passing the phone to a person who has a shitty ass dad who deserves to be in jail.”

Max: burst out laughing “Ah, no lies told there. I'm passing the phone to someone who only has a seat to protect me from having any real competition…”

You laugh in the background “Oh shit.”

Checo: blank stare “Motherfucker! That just shows your true colors... I'm passing the phone to... who am I supposed to pass it to... uhhh... Y/N.

Takes phone 

Y/N: “Oh, I know! I'm passing the phone to someone who has sexual assault “allegations” against them, but the FIA wants to hide it. I can’t go near him for my safety, so I’ll just turn the camera towards him... *pans the camera to Christian Horner*

Everyone is stunned and silent, then there’s Lewis laughing in the background 

Y/N: “Oh! I have another one! Hey Kelly, “i hear you like them young”, to be more specific at the ripe age of 17... mhmmm, she's a pedoo. What Kendrick say “TRYNA STRIKE A CORD AND ITS PROBABLY A MINNORRRR” *pans the camera to Kelly Piquet*

silence.

Lewis: runs towards Y/N and grabs the camera “Yup, that's enough for today. You're trying to start problems and get people beat up”

Video ends with Lewis taking the phone away from Y/N, shaking his head while laughing.

.•☆.°.•.*₊ ☆ .*₊ .• ☆.°.• .

✿ .° • everything taglist • °. ✿ : @ham1lton @ietss @animeandf1lover @nelly187 @heartsfromtaeyong @bloodyymaryyy @nor-4 @zacian117 @mel164 @uhhvictoria @hadidsworld @magixpracticality @exotic-iris13 @tellybearryyyy @zabwlky1999 @sya-skies @lillysbigwilly

@eoduuung

.•☆.°.•.*₊ ☆ .*₊ .• ☆.°.• .

*sooooo……that’s the end….LMFAOOOO, again…DO NOT COME FOR ME…ITS JOKES (is it really though)*

© 23victoria 2023-24 I all rights reserved. do not republish, steal repost, modify, translate or claim my work as your own

[kxsagi]

"𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐞𝐥𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞"

a/n: includes three different alternative endings!

the moment yoichi isagi stepped onto the pitch, he felt the familiar heat rise in his chest, not just from the roaring crowd, but from the sight of him. 

michael kaiser. 

the guy had been a thorn in isagi’s side since their blue lock days. now, playing for rival clubs in the german league, their rivalry was a headline every season. their clashes were fierce, their words sharper than any referee’s whistle. 

but neither of them knew how much worse it could get.

until you.

you weren’t just beautiful. you were brilliant, an up-and-coming fashion designer whose work was making waves in elite social circles. you had designed custom suits and jerseys for some of the biggest names in sports, and somehow, both isagi and kaiser had ended up on your client list.

at first, it was harmless. just fittings and polite conversation. but then kaiser started noticing how isagi looked at you. how he lingered after appointments, how his usual tough demeanor softened when you adjusted the collar of his jacket.

it became a silent war, more ruthless than anything on the field.

kaiser would "coincidentally" schedule fittings right after isagi’s, ensuring you had to compare their styles, his tailored elegance against isagi’s effortless confidence. isagi countered by requesting custom pieces on short notice, forcing you to spend extra time working with him. if isagi sent you flowers to congratulate you on a successful fashion show, kaiser sent a limited-edition designer handbag.

the rivalry bled onto the pitch. if kaiser dribbled past isagi, he’d smirk and tug at his jersey, the one you designed. if isagi scored, he made sure kaiser saw him pointing toward the VIP section where you sat, elegantly unimpressed.

you weren’t stupid. you knew exactly what was happening.

and then came the night that changed everything.

a high-profile charity gala. both men, suited up, courtesy of your designs, having a stare-down. you, in a sleek black dress, looked between them with an exasperated sigh.

“you two are ridiculous,” you said, swirling the wine in your glass.

kaiser leaned in. “ridiculous? we just happen to have –”

“– great taste,” isagi finished, smug.

you rolled your eyes, then took a sip of your wine before smirking. “so, you both like me. that’s cute.”

kaiser and isagi exchanged uneasy glances.

you set your glass down and grinned. “and it’s a shame, really, because i don’t date clients.”

silence.

then, your laughter, soft and amused.

you walked away, leaving two of the league’s fiercest competitors standing dumbfounded.

isagi exhaled. “we’re idiots.”

kaiser nodded, rubbing his face. “yeah.”

for the first time in years, they had something to agree on.

and the rivalry continued. just, perhaps, with a little less venom. 

a/n: alternative ending: instead of saying you don’t date clients, you say you’re dating rin itoshi

𝐤𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠

you had been around footballers long enough to know that rivalry ran deep. you just never expected to be part of one.

isagi and kaiser were both your clients, both infuriatingly charming, both unbearably competitive. for months, they had turned your fashion studio into a battleground, one-upping each other in ridiculous ways.

but kaiser was different.

it wasn’t just the grand gestures or the sharp suits he requested. it was the way he lingered after fittings, asking about your designs with genuine curiosity. the way he brought you coffee without asking how you took it because he already knew. the way he listened, really listened, when you talked about your dreams of launching your own boutique.

so when he showed up at your studio one rainy evening, you weren’t entirely surprised.

“hey,” he said, leaning against the doorway, looking unsure for the first time since you’d met him. “i know you said you don’t date clients.”

“i did,” you said, crossing your arms. “still true.” 

kaiser exhaled, then stepped inside. “then let’s change that.”

you raised an eyebrow. “how?”

he pulled out a neatly folded contract, sliding it onto your worktable.

“i’m officially switching to another designer.”

you blinked. “what?”

“i already talked to someone else. from now on, i’m just michael.” he smiled, slow and confident, the way he did right before scoring a goal. “not a client. just a guy who really wants to take you out to dinner.”

you couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up. the idiot had actually fired you.

you shook your head. “you’re impossible.”

“and you’re beautiful.” he stepped closer, lowering his voice. “so… what do you say?”

you pretended to think about it, even though you already knew the answer.

“i say,” you said, tilting your chin up to meet his gaze, “you’d better not be late picking me up.”

and just like that, the rivalry was over.

at least, for one of them.

𝐢𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐢'𝐬 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠

you had dealt with egos before, but nothing compared to isagi and kaiser. the two were locked in an endless game, using you as the unwitting referee.

it was exhausting.

but isagi… isagi made it fun.

sure, he was cocky. but he was also the one who showed up unannounced with dinner when you were working late. the one who made you laugh with ridiculous impressions of his teammates. the one who, despite all the posturing, always looked at you like you were something he hadn’t figured out yet.

so when he walked into your studio one evening, drenched from the rain, his usual bravado stripped away, you knew something was different.

“i’m done,” he said, running a hand through his wet hair. “i’m tapping out of this stupid game with kaiser.”

you raised an eyebrow. “game?”

“the competition. the ridiculous stunts. the flowers, the bags, the suits, the –” he exhaled. “i don’t want to win against him. i just want you.”

you stared at him, your heart hammering.

“so,” he continued, shifting awkwardly. “if you don’t feel the same, tell me now, and i’ll walk away. but if you do –” he paused, then smirked, some of his confidence returning. “then i’d really like to take you to dinner.”

you bit your lip.

isagi was bold, relentless, and sometimes infuriating.

but he was also standing in front of you, completely vulnerable, offering something real.

you stepped forward, slowly, until you were close enough to hear his breath hitch.

“dinner,” you murmured. “no competition?”

he grinned. “no competition.”

you smiled. “then pick me up at eight.”

and just like that, isagi had finally won… without even trying. 

© 𝐤𝐱𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐢

[chinesehanfu]

[Hanfu · 漢服]Chinese Tang Dynasty(618–907AD)Traditional Crown & Hanfu In Cdrama 【国色芳华/Flourished Peony】

♦ 𝗖𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀𝗲 𝗔𝗰𝘁𝗼𝗿: 𝗭𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴 𝗬𝗮𝗾𝗶𝗻/张雅钦 as Li Youzhen (李幼贞) “县主/County Princess/Lord”

【Historical Artifacts Reference 】:

▶The crown and hair ornaments unearthed from the tomb of Li Chui,/李倕, a fifth-generation granddaughter of Emperor Gaozu of Tang China

2.Gold necklace inlaid with pearls and gemstones, Late Sui Dynasty

Excavated in 1957 from the tomb of Li Jingxun, Xi'an, Shaanxi,China.

"Flourished Peony" (《国色芳华》) is a really cool Chinese drama that dives deep into the Tang Dynasty. It takes a close look at the fashion, makeup, and etiquette of that time. The show’s team did a ton of research, to restore Tang Dynasty artifacts to get the hanfu and makeup just right. You can really see the effort they put into making everything look authentic and true to the era.

If you're into Tang Dynasty Hanfu,Makeup , or the whole vibe of that period, I highly recommend watching this drama. It's a great way to get a glimpse of ancient Chinese culture through a really well-done romantic drama. ---------------

【Debate on the Interpretation and Wearing of the Li Chui Tomb Crown Ornaments】

The crown ornaments unearthed from the tomb of Li Chui (李倕) are still a topic of debate due to the fact that the pieces were found scattered, making the exact method of wearing unclear. The version currently displayed in the museum is a reconstruction based on the collaborative efforts of Chinese and German experts. However, some scholars in China have a different view, arguing that this ornament may not necessarily be a "crown."

Fwe can refer to the perspective of the author(@左丘萌) of Chinese Beauty and Adornments: The Tang Dynasty Daughters (《中国妆束：大唐女儿行》), who offers an alternative interpretation of how this crown ornament was likely worn（If anyone are interested, you can save the picture and translate it through the translator）

the right is the author (@左丘萌)'s restoration result and analysis process of the relics:

————————

📸Photo：Chinese Drama 【国色芳华/Flourished Peony】

🔗Crown analysis image source: http://xhslink.com/a/aJdFM1q0QIe8

————————

[worldheadcanons]

☆ stalkertalia: there’s more!

requested by anon! gender neutral reader. starring . . . italy, china, prussia & germany. warning for stalking behaviors & nsfw (masurbation) hinted in china’s and discussed in germany’s parts. fandom masterlist found here. 📌 . . . author notes: this was fun to write! excited for the german brothers ^_^. i felt so mischievous while writing bc i hinted at quite a bit of things throughout these hcs (mostly just character relations but i’m ngl my personal hcs deff made their way in here). try to figure them all out if you dare!

feliciano vargas!

— feliciano calls and texts you regularly. his calls are usually just check-ins, making sure you’re doing well emotionally and physically. they’re typically short as well. his texts, however, are casual and flirtatious, as if you’re already well acquainted. not only that, but he texts you on and off for hours at a time. vargas doesn’t find it odd at all for him to text you in the afternoon and pick up your conversation from the morning as if no time passed. he fully expects you to go along with it, too.

— he’s vaguely sugar daddy-ish, also. he often buys you gifts so that you keep him unblocked. a new laptop? sure. brand new outfits from luxury brands? they’re delivered and left on your porch the very next day. anything and everything is on the table, it seems, which really makes you wonder why someone with so much money to waste has decided to bother little ol’ you. he’s not trying to buy your love, though, promise. feliciano just knows that the money and gifts help soften you up to him. you’re always more open to him after receiving a present or two.

— he knows an odd amount about your job and work schedule, as if he’s watched you at work. come to think of it, he probably has. he probably still does. vargas seems to know when you clock in, what you do for work, when you clock out, and even when you happen to go shopping for ingredients using your bosses’ card. how exactly he found out that you worked as a personal chef, you weren’t entirely sure.

— sometimes (really, a lot of the time) feliciano likes to play cute. maybe a better word would be coy, actually. he likes to pretend he’s not doing anything wrong, and even has the gall to text you every now and then something along the lines of ‘i don’t get why you’re so cold with me :(‘. he knows why you’re being so distant, of course. it’s no secret that his ways of contacting you are.. orthodox. but he also knows you’ll warm up to him soon enough. you’re soulmates. you will warm up to him.

— generally, he likes to use a fair amount of emoticons and emojis throughout his texts. not in a grandma way, but he’ll end his messages with red hearts or smiley faces, or even send a cute japanese emoticon your way. you asked him once how he knew about the emoticons japanese keyboard. his answer? he found it out from a friend, and though it was cute. he’s an… interesting.. guy. a guy who sends threats about the men you talk to in one text and cutesy emoticons in another.

— every now and then you play along with him, and in these moments, he feels himself falling more in love with you. you hold normal conversation, casual to the point of it being intimate (at least, in his mind it is). vargas views these rare events as you being your honest self. surely, your true self wants him just as much as he wanted you; you’re only hiding yourself because you’re scared of the intensity of your love. he’s deluding himself to a degree, but who doesn’t nowadays? he gets upset when you burst his bubble, anyhow.

yao wang!

— he doesn’t text and rarely calls. he usually writes letters; untraceable ones, of course, without a return address. he mails them himself, usually, though sometimes he has his employees deliver them. he’s old fashioned, what can he say. wang often writes about his love for you, how tempting you are.. never have you ever read such.. descriptive pieces of writing… it’s a little uncomfortable reading his more lustful letters. you try to ignore the stains at the edges of them…

— he likes sending you clothes to wear. sometimes yao sends designer brands, but mostly he sends everyday where. he tries not to send separate pieces, preferring to deliver whole outfits to your house (unlike his letters, the outfits are sent through standard delivery). what can he say? he loves seeing you in clothing he picked out. it’s a little bit about control, sure, matching you to his own artistic vision. but it’s also about providing for you. if you’d just let him into your heart, well, you’d never have to lift a finger again.

— god, you’re far too young for him. you’re closer to his son in age, really. sometimes he wishes that you’d marry his son, if only to ensure that you stay in his life. he’d see you during every family reunion and then some, as he would pop in every other day just to see you. wang might even move in with his son, claiming to need care, just to see your face. but even then, it’s not enough for you to be in his life. no, you should be his. maybe it was problematic, the age gap between you two. but you only live once, and his life is already partially gone!

— one day, three autumns. the chinese idiom rings true whenever you’re not around; one day without you feels like three full autumns. he often ends up asking around to see where you are. his questions are posed cleverly, disguised as common concern. yao’s no fool. he won’t let the world know of his affections towards you. not yet.

— outside of stalking, he tries his damnedest to get you to come work for his company. it would be much easier to keep tabs on you if you were one of his worker bees. wang’s even sweetened the deal a couple times, promising a high position right off the gate. unfortunately for him, you seem content working your current job. he’d buy the company you work under off your ceo but that seems a bit too obvious.

— has he been in your house? not without an invitation. he’s not a creep, after all. what he will do is send paid recon troopers to your property to record you in your private moments. they’re ordered not to view the footage. they’re to send all videos and photos directly to him and then delete them once they’ve been received. if you ever feel a pair of eyes watching you before bed, good news! it’s not yao — just the surveillance trooper that’s sending footage back to him.

gilbert beilschmidt!

— gilbert’s only ever into two types of people: anyone who can pull off the whole “sweaty warrior with muscles glistening in the sun” look and proper people that he can tease and fluster. his ex was the latter, but you.. you’re definitely the former. a welcome change of pace for him since his last break up was really messy.

— he met you at the gym. he was doing cardio on the treadmill while you were working arms nearby, your headphones neatly on your head. you weren’t dressed up much, just a baggy t-shirt and some gym pants, but god, your arms.. it was like seeing a walking greek sculpture. a dedication to the beauty of the human form.. something like that, bielschmidt figured. he’s not known for deep thoughts but you drag it out of him.

— when he met his cardio goal he turned off the treadmill, slinking off and making his way to you. he complimented your form, smiling, before asking you about your routine. the two of you hit it off and from there became gym buddies — on gilbert’s end, you were a bit more than that. he’d decided that you would be more than a simple rebound. he was determined to have you as his next partner.

— in his mind, you’re heaven sent after his bitch of an ex. that guy was the worst. okay, maybe he’s bitter about the whole break up, but that doesn’t really matter now that he has you! you, who he works out with thrice a week. you, whose home he found online two days after initial contact (it started as a search for your instagram and ended up with him finding your home and your mom’s facebook). you, who could definitely beat his ass… which makes him that much more attracted to you.

— beilschmidt knows that resorting to stalking is pathetic. but, hear him out: it’s only temporary. he’s doing his best to make moves on you in the gym but you don’t seem to pick up on them. he’s starting to wonder if you’re like his brother, someone who just doesn’t get social cues, or if you’re just trying to kindly reject him.. gilbert figures he won’t know until he tries some more. watching you from outside your windows is not a permanent gig. it’s just until he can get you to go out with him. that’s what he says to rationalize it, anyways.

— he’s a nail biter, and you best believe he was biting his nails down the first time he sees you outside of your gym rat clothes. from the window, he watches, entranced. lounge wear. you’re sitting on your coach in all your glory, watching some show in the cutest lounge wear he’s ever laid eyes on. god, the things you do to him. you oblivious god, you.

ludwig beilschmidt

— ludwig fell for you all too quickly. you were friends before, having gone to college together. now, you work in the same office. love strikes on a random wednsday during a casual lunch with coworkers. you laughed a little loud and half elbowed him in the process (you tend to hit when you laugh, he’s noticed) (he’s not not fond of the trait, though). it was then that he realized how warm you make him feel. you’re like a light, brightening the room even when you’re quiet. your mere presence is enough. wow. how amazing are you?

— i want to bathe in that light. it dawns on him that he wants to be with you, as more than friends. it’s not too hard to be close to you already; you seem to naturally gravitate towards sitting with him during casual work events and friendly hang outs. plus, the two of you already carpool together (it’s economical, is all). still, selfishly, he wants more. beilschmidt wants to date you.

— the german does try to be smooth as your anonymous stalker, often sending you packages full of things he thinks you’ll like. he’s indecisive, however, when it comes to you. is it wrong to want a great gift for a great person? the result of his indecision is him mailing you several versions of the same item with slight differences. accompanying these boxes on your porch is a stiff text to your phone that says ‘keep what you want, leibling, i just wanted to make sure i got it right. please leave feedback’.

— he sometimes wishes he had the confidence to confess to you in person. he’s worried about throwing away your friendship, though. strong friendships like the one you have are hard to make. they take years of effort and to toss it all away over a crush is… ridiculous, in ludwig’s eyes. no, he’s best handling things this way. even though he yearns to show his face and do more for you, he can’t. not yet. oh, how he dreams of fixing your squeaky door hinges and checking your engine. he’d clean your house for you, cook for you… what? it’s romantic to him, at least.

— he often takes your words literally. when you text beilschmidt any sort of feedback, he internalizes it. fortunately for him, you’re quite kind. you’ve yet to tell him to leave you alone or anything of that sort. it only furthers his love for you, the patience that you’re showing. he knows he’s not the most smooth (god knows — his brother won’t let him hear the end of it!) but he’s trying his best, promise.

— unbeknownst to you, he’s very… active. sexually. he hides it from you as much as he can; he isn’t like alfred, someone who’s shameless and will jerk off in your bushes. no, he’s much more reserved, jerking off with a stolen shirt of yours (he couldn’t push himself to steal panties after you invited him in as a friend). he does it in the corner of his room with the door locked, almost defensively. he feels lots of guilt when it comes to sex and sexual desire, which is partly why he’s still a virgin. after masturbating, he usually sits in silence for a couple minutes thinking over his life. this brief reflection doesn’t stop him from repeating the cycle later, though.

[blorbocedes]

true hate's kiss for brocedes

Toto calls just as Lewis is about to go film a vine with Kendall Jenner.

"Lewis, we need you back at the office. We have a, erm, delicate situation."

"What do you mean?"

"As you are aware of the generous Petronas sponsor gift - the cursed spindle - that sits in our factory."

"The cursed spindle which sends you to sleep for millennia, yeah."

"Well, it appears Nico has accidentally made contact with the spindle, and subsequently fallen into a deep slumber. If this is not rectified immediately, he of course cannot race this weekend."

Lewis tugs at his collar. He'd much rather be on a yacht in his free time than make the drive all the way to Brackley just to help out Nico.

"Yeah, so call his wife. True love's kiss and all that."

Toto pauses for a second. "Ah, Lewis. This isn't a cursed spindle from fairy tales," he says in a condescending tone, "Only a kiss borne from true hatred will wake him."

Oh.

If Nico sleeps through the weekend, that's Lewis' championship secured. He's sure if he was ahead in the points, Nico wouldn't wake him if the situation was reversed. Maybe. He just might, just to hold it over Lewis' head.

Lewis stops himself from saying he can't kiss him because he's a man. It's 2016, and homophobia is totally cringe. So instead, he opts for the safer: "I can't be going around kissing married men! A bunch of people hate Nico, just get one of his haters or someone from Sky Sports."

It is a part of their sport, with adoring fans comes also passionate haters.

The phone is wrestled from Toto, and the German voice of Vivian speaks through. "Lewis, I swear to god if you do not get your ass back right now to kiss my husband. I still have all the negatives from the parties from my Nokia digital camera."

Lewis winces thinking of his mid 2000s fashion. Well, that's permission from the missus.

At Brackley, Nico's on a bed breathing steadily. He totally looks like he's just asleep. Lewis isn't sure they're not pulling an elaborate prank on him.

"We'll, uh, give you some privacy." Toto closes the door where Vivian and other Mercedes employees were watching.

Nico's lips are the slightest touch of red from where, presumably, Vivian had already tried her true love luck. This better be worth it.

Lewis breathes in. Imagines Nico telling the press he didn't really lose the championship because he didn't get a fair shot, because of the curse. Implying slyly that Lewis' title is illegitimate, in that annoying know-it-all way he could spin things. He imagines Nico never waking up, forever frozen like this. It would probably make the work environment better. Never have to ignore each other over breakfast, awkwardly hold the elevator when they leave their Monaco apartment at the same time, never spend race weekends trying to stick the knife into the other, metaphorically.

Wake up, motherfucker, Lewis thinks, no love lost between them. Wake up so I can fucking beat you.

And not for the first time in his life, Lewis brushes his lips against Nico's.

Nico gasps, opening his eyes.

[heartfullofleeches]

There may be some discrepancies with older Maus facts now that I'm getting around to fleshing him out more, but here's what's true/been rewritten. [Tw: Blood, implied child abuse]

Oracle, but not fully aware of his gift yet. Believes things occurring in real life that happens in his drawings is by pure chance.

Chronic nosebleeds. His mind blanks out during the larger spells which leads to the drawings that predict future events as they're all drawn from his own blood.

His birth father knew there was something special about his son, but his mother thought he was just another strange child. After accurately foreseeing the heart attack that would take his father's life at age nine, he mother had to face fact and tried to exploit his gift which ended negatively for both as he cannot choose what he sees.

His mother remarried when Maus was twelve and his step father... Let's just say he was almost glad to be kicked out as a teen after the family was informed he'd gain everything from his grandmother's passing.

"Lover" is a character from a comic he created which is Darling's stand in. Lover is the gender neutral term, but if Darling is male for female their title would be Lovergirl/boy accordingly. Lover helps Maus tackle difficult situations like speaking to strangers or remembering to brush his teeth. He has sticky notes of them all around his living space.

His nickname should be of some clue, but Maus is of German descent. He currently has no last name, but his first is Mika.

He is into scene fashion and if properly medicated for his anxiety or had Darling as a tag along he'd love raves

[chocobochaserstories]

Thoughts on SOLDIER getting their equivalent of K-9 dogs?

Angeal: His dog was retired within weeks. As it turns out, his strict training methods led his dog to become reactive. He had a German Shepherd named Radar. Radar was retired and as Angeal works and didn’t have time for a high-demand dog breed, let alone one with reactivity. Radar was rehomed to a very nice family in Kalm, where he’s working on his reactivity. 

Genesis: He has an Airedale Terrier named Nox (The goddess of the night). She’s technically supposed to be used for transporting messages, but he definitely uses her K9 status to take her into public buildings with him. Nox has attended a great many balcony showings of LOVELESS, luxury-course paw massages from Madam M, and Pawtinis on the beaches of Costa Del Sol. 

Zack: Has almost had his dog revoked a great many times. He apologized to Angeal that his Doberman Pinscher, Bullet, ate his pot roast. Angeal got this look of horror and Zack thought it was because he ate the meal he’d been working on all day. No… turns out, the pot roast contained garlic, onions, and leeks. Bullet, named for his fast reflexes and agility, spent a lovely night at the vet getting fluids and a thorough stomach pump. Zack celebrated Lazard not confiscating Bullet… with a drink. An alcoholic drink.

Sephiroth: Sephiroth honors his Belgian Malinois, Pepper, in true military fashion. Canines are always one rank higher than their handler. Pepper is perfectly obedient and by the book trained. Pepper racked up medal after medal within months. She hates Hojo and has a very subtle Wutainese command (courtesy of Tseng) to bite Hojo specifically. Pepper’s only bad habit is she keeps bringing LIVE moogles back everytime the Fat Chocobo is summoned. At first Sephiroth thought maybe she thought they were chew toys, but now he keeps having tea parties with Moogles on his days off.

[luckthebard]

My two takeaways from the additional songs on the Critmas album that released today:

Missed opportunity to not do at least one verse of “O Mighty Nein” in German, in true “O Tannenbaum” fashion.

Most of these are cute but the punk rock song really nailed the genre and is just. Good.

[sugar-petals]

Hi caro 🌹 I saw in your hyunjin kibbe post( which I loved brw) that you mentioned some luxury brands and their go to kibbe types . I was wondering what kind of brands would best suit pure romantic? There is so little about the subject of pure R s sadly . Have a nice day ❤

KIBBE'S PURE ROMANTIC IN FASHION & HISTORY (+ even architecture)

R is the opposite of the tall, non-curve dominant dramatic and flamboyant natural model body types, which is why it SEEMS juxtaposed to haute couture on paper, as if people thought:

"romantic = gentle flowing style of bygone eras on a small figure 8 body = not fashion just a past reference,

dramatic = severe modernity with ultra sharp lines on a statuesque body = yep, that's forward modern fashion for the runway".

...even if the opposite is easily true (e.g. damiano david often dressing fashionably romantic)!

and the strawberry R dress causing a real fashion ruckus.

sure, that polar opposite logic isn't 100% erroneous. dressing tall models in R will often feel retrospective and damiano is SD-ish so he can do both; plus yin garments are too cinched & short for 6'0+ models as no vertical is accommodated.

there's a reason why the 50s are THE romatic (+ SC) era, as is baroque, R feeling almost confined to these periods.

however, many brands actually do design innovative yin lines! romantic equals luxury, excess & abundance (= upper class), ornamentation and glamour itself, as kibbe wrote, after all. a dramatic body type does not exude abundance and ornamental detail at all.

(even if such garments can cost hundreds and it could be difficult to craft and accurately sew!)

D is spartan, brutalist, geometric, NOT copious. which is ironic and deceptive for a luxury brand, supposedly the opposite of austere and simple! wealth whispers would be a classic type motto. but money on display is always R, always redundant, almost always past-oriented, and once again ironically very feminine-coded even if wealth is and was mostly in men's hands worldwide.

as a pompous, infuriating and exaggerated example, look at the german castle neuschwanstein of bavarian king ludwig above, or (jump scare) mar-a-lago's wasteful wannabe versailles-style interiors below.

insanity how this can exist. note how "princess"-like it all is, the inverse of masculine, hard, dark, angular, strong yang. showing material affluence is confusingly yin? 😅 as if, a guy is so rich, he can quite literally afford to display femininity in his interiors. nothing about this alludes to D, FN, SD.

you wouldn't guess a guy like trump lives there. soft fabrics, candles, florals, ruffles, lace, pastels... everything we associate with hyperfemininity and the romantic type: the inverse of donald who is a flamboyant natural (tall + width), men's 'chad/archetype' of our time — paired with the SD trend — and fashion's towering ideal body ever since the 90s (claudia, gigi, candice, naomi, adriana etc, and all male models ever, like tyson beckford).

quite a political and aesthetic paradox, the world upside down. maybe - on top of trump dressing business pure classic, i.e. far off his type - that's why he looks out of place, as if you photoshopped it in.

PS: the stereotypical villain's castle in fiction is almost always gloomy and pure dramatic, immediately signalling its intent without hiding. (minas morgul in lotr, maleficent in disney)

talk about excess, anyway, and that's where i answer the question: the notoriously well-off catholic church is very SD/R in its aesthetic, too, similar to european aristocracy. that's probably why many italian fashion houses love a yin branding. rounded yin is catholic (st mark's basilica, venice). italy idolizes the yin body type.

^look how dolce & gabbana draws from this to make it TR. that's why i include architecture in this post. it intertwines.

if you look at many historic arabic garments/buildings or especially dynastic china, too, pure R is also prominent in noble dress and art. if you want to study the romantic type, study ottoman and chinese (fashion) culture. even the men wear waist emphasis, decorative fabric, dresses/skirts, rounded head gears and fine jewels.

all of this heavily influences luxury today, which is why i took some time diving into history.

so, finally: ROMANTIC BRANDS!

as mentioned, versace is very ornamental yin overall, even the logo. no sharp D lines to be seen. they do several kibbe types, but R is a huge focus.

dolce & gabbana is always between TR, SD, and pure R. chungha being soft gamine fits the brand. she always wears R and TR. this brand is the most yin in europe, IMO.

guo pei, the most wonderful and well-crafted of all. such details, pure R eye candy. my favorite. it's no surprise they successfully dressed rihanna (SD). guo pei is a genius. everything she does is yin.

she is one of the few designers who shares her own essence with her clothing creations. guo is also very yin.

robert wun is always going tumblr viral. those light reflective fabrics. it's the darker side of romantic, not soft and sweet. still, draped and translucent, only sometimes SD and TR. i think robert is the frontier to make romantic lines modern and gender-neutral. so good.

smaller/lesser-known/less pricey R brands:

innika choo

chi chi london

confete

loveshackfancy

sir the label

morning lavender

revolve

icy city co

jessa kae

shopbop

doen

steele

lacemade

chicwish

for love and lemons

miss patina

hope this helped! thank you for reading and sending such an interesting question.

[my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction]

Trine [13]

Anselm Vogelweide x Blue Jones x afab!Reader • Rating: 18+ pals Masterlist• ao3• want to be tagged? | request info • Trine Masterlist • ko-fi •

Summary: Blue doesn't approve of Anselm's choice of pet names.

A/N: Special shout out to the lovely @midgardian-witch 💚🫂 who encouraged me to post this (it has taken 100 years).

Warnings: sexy times mentions, Blue being a brat, german (Blue doesn't speak it), typos, not beta read, please let me know if I have missed a warning!

Word Count: 914

“Well, I hate it.” Blue says, a little too dramatically as he puts the chocolate covered pistachio in his mouth and chews. “It’s awful.” 

Anselm can’t help but smile, however he does manage to suppress his chuckle. “And why is that, mein lieber?” He squeezes Blue’s thigh a little as he talks, making him squirm. 

Blue is sat on Anselm’s lap, in Anselm’s private office. 

He had forgone getting fully dressed today, swanning around in his baby pink silk, short, dressing gown and slippers. Grumpy and inconsolable. 

You were busy today, an important meeting followed by seeing some old friends. (The phrase 'old friends’ had been enough to get Blue scowling.) And you wouldn’t be back until late. 

Even Anselm’s best tricks weren’t breaking his foul mood, and even though he did love Blue’s petulant little pout, he was very aware that he had not smiled once since you’d kissed them just before you left this morning. 

“It just is.” Blue huffs, leaning back a little against Anselm’s chest and staring daggers at the laptop screen.

Anselm presses a light kiss to Blue’s shoulder blade, “What about the cut of this one?” He moves the mouse and clicks on a different suit. Usually shopping cheered Blue up no end, whether it was in person or online. (Anselm had opted for the latter today, as Blue did not want to leave the house.)

“Ugly.” 

Anselm laughs this time and he can feel Blue preen a little, pleased that he has amused him. 

“The colour is disgusting as well.” 

“I like it, mein lieber.” 

“Well, you have no taste.” Blue folds his arms. 

“Is that true?” Anselm lightly kisses his neck and Blue nods.

“Absolutely.” He juts his chin towards the screen, “And neither does this designer. I know you’d get it handmade but this prototype is just ghastly.” 

“Just ghastly?” He repeats with glee, thoroughly enjoying how worked up Blue was becoming. Anselm takes a pistachio from the bowl on his desk and presses it lightly to Blue’s lips. 

“There’s no sense of style.” He huffs before he opens his mouth and licks the minuscule amount of melted chocolate from Anselm’s fingers liberally. “I would dress you better than this hack, or yourself.” 

Anselm can see the little frown deepening on Blue’s face, “I thought you liked them, mein lieber? You have three suits from them, and two-”

“Why are you calling me that?” Blue snaps. Despite the bluntness of his words his tone, surprisingly, doesn’t come across as rude. More… distressed and trying to cover it. 

“Mein lieber?” 

“Hmm.” Blue purposely stares at the computer.

Anselm slowly drags his left hand up to Blue’s face, lightly stroking his jaw and gently coaxing him to turn. Blue huffs again, rolling his eyes, but turns his head. 

“Are you not my dear? My love? My spoilt little brat?” Anselm squeezes Blue’s waist a little, making him yelp and Blue scowls harder. 

“Meine liebe,” Blue says disgruntledly. “You’re saying mein lieber.” 

Anselm chuckles again, understanding. He called you ‘meine liebe’. “My sweet, you will have to forgive german and its old fashioned formalities. Meine liebe is the feminine, mein lieber is masculine.” 

“Oh,” Blue paused, the thoughts turning in his mind for a moment. “Well, I don’t like that either.” 

“Do you not, my love?” 

“No, I don’t want ‘mein’ that just sounds… wrong, horrible. Meine is sweet and nice and,” reminded him of you. He wanted to be called the same sweet words, held in the same regard. 

Anselm smiles, nuzzling his beard into Blue’s cheek for a second. “Meine liebe it is.” He mutters in Blue’s ear, making him shudder and press closer. 

Blue swallows, wrapping his arms around Anselm’s neck. “I like that.” He whispers. 

“Well, thank the old gods, because at last, it seems like my beloved is satisfied with something.” Anselm pinches Blue’s thigh lightly, making him yelp and squirm, Anselm’s tight grip on his waist stopping him from completely escaping. 

“I was satisfied with the chocolates.” Blue mutters but Anselm ignores him.

“All day I’ve been more than accommodating with your bratty behaviour, and after I promised our wife I would cut you some slack and not be too harsh on you.” 

Blue leans back, pouting a little but it’s not enough to cover his smile. “She asked you to be kind to me?” He teases lightly, obviously thrilled that you and Anselm had had a conversation about him. 

“She demanded it.” Anselm strokes Blue’s cheek softly, before sliding his fingers around to the back of his neck and squeezing firmly. “And, I will be. For the whole of today.”

Blue grins wickedly.

“But don’t think you’re going to get away with this behaviour, oh no.” He tuts.

“Oh no? Are you going to wait until later to punish me? I better make the most of it then.” He grins, showing off his canines. Thoroughly looking forward to the idea of riling up Anselm even more and facing his delicious wrath later on. 

But instead of a stern word, Anselm gives him an equally dangerous smile. “Quite the contrary. Our liebe told me before she left, that she will be punishing you for any and all your transgressions today.” 

Blue pauses for a moment, his eyes wide and then swallows audibly, a shiver of delight running through him. 

“Ah, much better,” Anselm kisses his cheek and rubs his nose against his. “I much prefer seeing joy in your eyes over sorrow.” 

Thank you for reading!

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[feral-renaissance-cat]

*taps the ever-growing stack of papers on my clipboard* *speaking in my native Philly accent* Listen here, you underestimate my ability to find the tiniest slivers of possible material and build a whole fuckin house out of it, fully furnished. Might be one-a them tiny houses, might be a family home, currently dealing with a project that got waaay outta hand and turned into what's essentially a palace. You think there's no more space to explore between these two horseboys before Cemil let Osmund see him in all his glory? Y'know what? Fack you. *adds three more pieces of paper to the clipboard and starts scribbling* I hope you like seein' your little Tolmish twink yearn 'cuz I'm about to make this guy suffuh the worst goddamn pining he's ever gone t'rough.

*slaps the table* Back at it again with @longlostlorian's horseboys! No smut this time, since it's set back before these two ever started canoodling, but it does contain some Violence (and bigotry).

You do not walk into Cemil's house and mess with his stuff. This is how stupid men die.

[canisbrutus]

3 Headcanons for every nerd. Go.

Earnest Jones -

Actually incredibly fond of the gothic/horror aesthetic, although he lacks the spine to actually finish games like Silent Hill; under different circumstances he would've been emo. That said, he still had the fattest crush on Elvira, and kept a poster under his mattress.

He's not as twiggy as some of the other nerds, but he would've been a bit bulkier if he didn't have issues with a lot of food, texture-wise. His diet largely consisted of tea, toast, and instant ramen cups. Not including Melvin, he touches a fruit once every three months.

He's taken courses for like three different languages (spanish, french, german) and is fluent in exactly none of them, pronunciation-wise. The former two he still struggles with but he can read german very well, for some reason.

Melvin O'Connor -

Yeah his home life and upbringing is so ass he uses fantasy escapism to cope. Made him out to be a fuckin incredible storyteller though! He draws from things like the elder scrolls, zelda, the lord of the rings, etc... and his appetite for the genre isn't limited to any one form of media; he's rented out nearly every book in the library on that note.

He may look like he's dissociated from reality most of the time, and this is Partially true, but don't be fooled; he's much more perceptive than you'd expect. Insults seldom go over his head, though he usually plays dumb either to avoid conflict or because it's just funny. but he doesn't forget.

That haircut of his is relatively dated, and out of fashion... but tis his pride and joy, next to his lore database. He spends a significant part of his morning styling it, often carries a comb, seldom leaves it greasy, etc. As a result he's probably one of the least offensive nerds for one's olfactory senses.

Bucky Pasteur -

The TV in his home is often set to an older station, showcasing things like Gilligan's Island and M*A*S*H*. He's especially fond of both the older and newer episodes of Dr Who, recommended to him by his gran, and he would almost certainly be annoying about it if tumblr existed in his highschool years. Mind you, fanfiction.net was around since '98...

He's made efforts at taming the academy's feral rat population, even scooping up and relocating them whenever his cliquemates would scream bloody murder over them approaching their turf. Had he not been busy elsewhere when they infested the library he would've tried to corral them peacefully; instead he was thoroughly distraught by Jimmy's bloodshed.

Honestly him and Thad have something kinda faggy going on in the background, though neither will admit it for one reason or another. Liking men vs Hating women type of homos. Don't worry about it.

Francois "Fatty" Johnson -

Very strong vocal stimmer, much to the dismay of everyone who hears him. He likes to sing acapella, he claims, whether it's beatboxing or hooting in a variety of tones. Many a earworm has been born from his yodeling

He keeps his G&G dice in his navel. Given the state of his hygiene, it's as unpleasant to witness as it sounds. Beatrice, Melvin, & Thad are especially put off by this. The table is sanitized after every game though, so it's probably fine.

The clique's hardcore gamer; it's not uncommon for him to play something for 12 hours straight. Sometimes it's trying to 100% crash bandicoot in a single sitting, other times it's pounding energy drinks pushing consumo to it's absolute breaking point. He also dabbles in speedrunning.

Donald Anderson -

He values his own intellect highly, going above and beyond to one-up his peers. His glasses are purely cosmetic; an attempt to make himself look smarter, even if he supposedly loathes being considered a nerd.

Something else he loathes is his own softness; his almost meek voice and long lashes in particular. The jocks often call him things like Bambi, doe-eyes, taunting him about hunting season and venison being on the menu, etc. Clearly they've never been charged by a stag.

Oddly enough he was on decent terms with Pete, on account of them being both weaselly 'girly' boys. The pair would often shittalk people together, though they later drifted apart because Donald just couldn't set aside his superiority complex for five minutes. He was likely the one to suggest he join the nerd clique, though Pete didn't make the cut.

Beatrice Trudeau -

God help this poor girl; she was like Wendy to Peter Pan and the lost boys regarding these little pricks. Like Melvin, she served as the backbone of the clique, though more for morale instead of outright plotting with Earnest. There wasn't a single day without somebody coming to her crying lookin to vent or otherwise seek validation for getting swirlied or wedgied or called ugly. Gave her plenty of blackmail material however.

She was one of two nerds safeguarded against the Preps' harassment (for the most part), on account of Parker (and later, Pinky) vouching for her wellbeing. Even after their botany project fell through, she'd still be allowed into the greenhouse roof of Bullworth's Harrington House for experimental purposes. Despite a certain level of awkwardness that accompanied it, the (relative) peace and quiet was much needed.

This girl kicks like a horse. She's lanky as hell and she's got legs for days. Yes she's fairly patient, but when pushed too far she will aim for the nuts. Jimmy found out the hard way in the carnival.

Algernon Papadopoulos -

He tends to carry little baggies of like. Animal Cracker-type snacks. Teddy grahams, goldfish, swedish fish, etc... the allure of wee beasties is strong. Occasionally he'll also use them as G&G pieces, but it's not a very good idea.

Not many people expect him to be a decent pickpocket, but he gets away with it more than you think. This boy knows a good few magician's tricks; sleight of hand and whatnot. He's best with manipulating yo-yos and those worms on a string, however he's still pondered if he's better off running away and joining the traveling carnival than becoming a veterinarian or whatever.

His home is admittedly not very nice, though his mother is one of the sweetest folks in the world. He's a victim of circumstance by and large, being brought up in a mouse-infested hoarder home that constantly reeks of piss. Bullworth is not a good place for mental health issues, so things get left unchecked, but it's still nothing to be ashamed of, as she'd always say.

Thad Carlson -

When it was time for the nerds to revamp the astronomy lab as their hideout, Thad (with Bucky's help) was the main man in charge of repairs, largely thanks to his knowledge of power tools. Much of the handiwork was rickety, of course; utilizing scavenged metal sheets and planks from the miniature junkyard behind the auto shop (which didn't improve his rep with the greasers).

He's had a few pet insects over the years; finding them easier to care for and connect with than, say, hounds. His current charges are a stickbug and a praying mantis; the latter of which he likens himself to. Others consider him more of a ferret, lacking the serene grace, much to his displeasure because he 'sure as hell doesn't reek like one.'

Fueled by what may or may not've been concern, repulsion, or something else, he once rolled up the various rugs in Bucky's room and mopped the (dirty) (hasn't seen a scrub in 10+ years) (very prone to splintering) floor while the poor squeaking bastard protested from his bed. What prompted this? Walking around in white socks for about five minutes only to find the bottoms of them a dusty grey-brown.

Cornelius Johnson -

As I've mentioned many times before, she's transfem, yes. She came out to a handful of people such as her then-partner Trent, Beatrice, Bucky, and Jimmy. It's likely Melvin's sewn her a skirt. Bullworth sure as hell wasn't a nice place to come out but thankfully she had her support where she needed it.

Quite fond of pollinators (with her favorites being hawkmoths especially), she's been rearing butterflies and moths to release in a community garden project up north near the church, which she tends to in her (rare) free time alongside Beatrice. It's nothing particularly impressive yet, but they're trying their best to foster some kind of good in that dump of a town.

She's possibly one of, if not the only student Ms Peters' really enjoys having in her classes, overthinking babble aside. She really did make an excellent Juliet, putting her whole soul into it, seemed like. In any case she's certainly one of the brightest students of the bunch, both intellectually and personally, despite everything thrown at her.

even with an attempt at writing something short it came out relatively long. how much of this is accurate? who knows its all true to me. nature is beautiful.

[writing masterpost]

[omgthatdress]

Barbie made her debut in 1959. The way she was sold then is a little different than the way she's sold now. These days, individual Barbies come with their own unique looks & usually some kind of unique function or accessories. You can buy clothes separately, but those looks are still secondary to the expectation of buying a lot of Barbies. Back in the day, you bought the one Barbie and then bought her clothes separately. This is why back then Barbie came with a bunch of friends and always came wearing a swimsuit.

The oft-memed origin story for the classic Barbie is that she was modeled on a German sex doll named Lili, which is only partially true. In the 50s, most dolls available for girls were baby dolls that primed girls for being a wife and mother. Fashion dolls were a thing but they were generally more reserved for adults.

Ruth Handler, who co-founded Mattel with her husband and served as its president from 1945-1973 (#girlboss much?), got the idea of making an adult doll for girls when she'd see her daughters playing with paper dolls. Instead of playing with babies, they chose teen-aged and adult paper dolls and played fantasized versions of adulthood. Then, on a trip to Germany, Ruth saw a Lili doll in a store, and asked her daughters what they'd think of playing with a doll like that. Apparently, they liked the idea.

Lili the doll wasn't an inflatable fuck doll. She was based on a popular comic strip character Lili created by Reinhard Beuthien and published in the Hamburg-based Bild Zeitung. Lili was a buxom gold-digger seducing her way through the wealthy men of post-war West Germany.

The comic was definitely adult-oriented, and the doll it created was a popular bachelor party gag gift.

The introduction of a doll with breasts did cause *some* controversy, but it was more pearl-clutching rather than tremendous cultural outrage. Barbie was actually an immediate hit. She fit in very well to late 50s ideals of femininity. I've heard it said before that parents liked her because she helped little girls get into the beauty, fashion, and level of grooming that she would need to catch a husband. IDK if that was intentional, but it seems to fit very well.

I don't want to get into whether or not Barbie is this huge feminist icon or not because, well, she's a toy. I think Ruth Handler was an incredibly smart businesswoman who saw a market demand and met it. Barbie is about the power of fantasy and imagination, and anything that people see in her are the things they want to see in her.

In her incredible multitude of careers, she also holds up an impossible and toxic standard of beauty. Mattel has always been very aware of Barbie's image. I'm pretty sure that the reason Mattel hated "Barbie Girl" so much wasn't because it was wink-wink sexual, but because it nailed the popular stereotype of the time that Barbie was this fake, plastic bimbo who was an unhealthy role model for girls (go listen to Aquarium, now!).

The recent years of Barbie taking on a more empowering, feminist, and diverse lean is because Mattel is simply correcting course and keeping up with the times. Honestly, they've done a very good job of it, but I'm not going to kid myself into thinking they're doing anything other than maximizing profits.

I love me some Barbie but I was always an AG girl, ngl. However, I think Barbie and her cultural context are still incredibly fascinating and worth taking a look at.

[alpaca-clouds]

Why I just hate the 02 Epilogue

I guess I will just post Digimon fanramblings on Tuesdays now, because why not. (Fuck, my brain really clung back onto the old hyperfixation, didn't it?) And I think today I will just rant about why I hate that darn epilogue so much. Because I still hate it and for the most part I am glad that the post-canon movies are slowly kinda retconning it - dispite Kakudou arguing that this was not true. But c'mon, Hiroyuki. We retconned the Digimon staying around in Kizuna and also realized that "everybody getting a Digimon partner" would be a horrible idea in The Beginning.

But let me rant.

The Jobs

I could have lived with some of the jobs, but I generally hate them all. For two reasons. For once I HATE how pretty much EVERYONE (but some of the women) have a high earning job. Like solid top 3%. And a lot of them were never set up. Going through them it basically looks like this:

Taichi: I could kinda live with him being an ambassador. If it was not in the context of everything else, I could live with it. He was the main hero so to speak, so him being kinda important... yeah, whatever. Especially as he has the charisma to be a politician. I just hate that he is too important.

Yamato: Look, I know that in the novels based on the original concept that they at some point had for Adventure, this was set up. But that was not the version we got. And I am sorry, in the version we got he never cared about space. Also... Well, astronauts need to pass extensive psychological testing, and I am sorry. Someone who is at the very least depressive as a kid and teen, if not has some clear signs of borderline will never get into space. That's just how it is.

Sora: Why? Why the fuck is she a fashion designer? When did she ever care about fashion? Also, again: Why did she has to be a super prominent designer, rather than just... a normal one?

Koshiro: Sure, he is the one character where I have no questions. This fits.

Mimi: I guess her job is based on the running joke that her family has a lot of weird recipes that still are somehow kinda good? But yeah, again: Why did she have to become famous with it? Funnily enough: The German version made her a nutritionist. Which I actually like a lot better. It is a lot more normal.

Jou: His job I hate. Like, his entire character arc in Adventure is about learning to say "no" to his father who absolutely wants him to become a doctor. And then the solution is: "Yeah, he is a doctor, but for Digimon?" Are you serious? Just let him be something else and have his father deal with it.

Hikari: Honestly, given she has probably the most "normal" job of them all, I am somewhat fine with it. It is still not really set up before episode 49, but yeah, whatever. Though there is another reason I hate this. But about that after the list.

Takeru: Look, I do not care that this at some point was intended - or that at least Kakudou claims so (I do not really trust Kakudou, I am honest, because I know certain things where he 100% lied, as several other people have said conflicting things). But yeah, this is is just so very random.

Daisuke: I hate it so much. Like, I would be perfectly fine with him being a chef. While this is based on a one-off joke in one of the later episodes, I am fine with that. You do not need a certain psychological profile to be a Ramen chef in Japan (like Yamato would need as an astronaut) and kids will usually not know what they gonna do at the age. But him becoming the CEO of a fucking chain restaurant? I fucking hate that. Let the boy just make his noodles. Geez.

Miyako: Hate it. It is misogyny. Nuff said. I agree with her voice actor here. I could get behind her being on maternity leave, but if she is not working with Koshiro something is wrong.

Iori: Of the 02 kids he is probably the least offensive. I can somewhat see it? Again, I kinda hate how this is another top earning job, but still. It is not offensively wrong.

Ken: I am anarchist. I am not fine with my little boy being a cop. It is also not set up at all and does not really fit with his character. Especially knowing Japanese cops.

And yeah, there is the general issue to: All four women have C-class jobs. Meaning: Care, Cooking, Clothes. Girly jobs. Pink jobs. Oh boy, what ideas could children get in 2000 if you wrote it that a girl became a scientist or something. Will someone please think of the children?

As I said, I am kinda fine with Hikari. She is kinda depicted as this caring, motherly figure in 02. But the other three? Nope. Sorry. Cannot really see it.

The Kids

I hate two things about the kids: For one I hate that everyone has at least one kid, and for two that most of the kids (who are not kids of two canon-characters, in which case they mostly have the appearance of one of them, but with the haircolor of the other) look like basically a clone of their parents. Like, not all kids look like their parents. The kids in the show (the main characters I mean) do not look like clones of their parents, so why would their kids look like their clones.

I get that the crew probably did not want to put in the effort to create unique designs, but I have a novel idea: Then don't do an "everyone has kids" epilogue.

Also, I kinda find it disturbing that the son of Daisuke, the daughter of Miyako and Ken, and the kid of Hikari seem to be the oldest. They look like about 9 to 11. Meaning that based on this being 25 years post-canon, those characters all became parents in their early 20s. Yes, I guess that this was seen as very normal in early 2000s Japan, due to Japanese society being very conservative and having been a lot more conservative back in the day. But holy fuck. Like, folks, think ahead. This is supposed to take place in the future. It was absolutely foreseeable that this would not be how it would be in the 2020s. (Fun fact: That epilogue takes place in summer 2027 - so like two years from now. I curse you with: "FEEL OLD!")

I also hate the fact that they all just have kids. Sure, you can have a child and be single, but it implies everyone is married and of course in a straight relationship. Look, I do not expect them to go there and say: "Yo, some of them are gay," but leave some of it up to interpretation? I know that at the time Japanese tolerance for queerness basically boiled down to: "Sure, be gay, whatever, but you still need a straight partner and kids. You can be gay as like as side hussle." But man.

And again: Not everyone has kids.

I generally am a hater when it comes to "everyone has kids" epilogues. Some people do not want kids. Other people cannot have kids. Allow for that? Please?

Also I kinda hate how every kid has the Digimon partner of their parent. I know, back in the day there were not a whole lot of Baby II Digimon around that were not the Baby-II-forms of the Adventure/02 main Digimon (like, there were Pagumon, Chocomon, Gummimon, and Tsumemon, I think, but that is it outside of the main Digimon, if I am not mistaken). But man. Mix it up a bit? Would have made the kids seem less like copies of their parents.

The State of the World

I honestly gotta say, I still do not get what has made them decide for this state of the world. Sure, I kinda get that it felt to someone as a natural progression to go from "international chosen children" to "everyone has a Digimon", but... I mean... *gestures widely at the state of the world in 2000*

Look, I get that this came out in 2000 and not in 2001, yeah? So it was in a world before the "War on Terror". But also, this came out in a period when Japan was politically super unstable based on the economic regression in the 1990s. I mean, heck, the entire Hikarigaoka thing was inspired BY AN ACTUAL TERROR ATTACK THAT HAPPENED IN HIKARIGAOKA IN 1995! (Not-so fun fact.)

Not even with going into the idea of giving Americans monsters that can literally just villi-nilli NUKE people... Like, nothing against you, normal American nerds probably reading this, but you gotta agree that MAGAs with Digimon partners would be horrible, right? Like, I mean, I am sorry. But if you went with "every human has a Digimon partner", at some point humanity would probably very successfully erase themselves from this planet. Because again: THOSE THINGS SHOOT NUKES! It is part of the natural "biology" of some Digimon to be able to SHOOT NUKES.

I mean, I am not gonna lie: I would totally be there for a political thriller or something based on the concept of a world where a lot of people have Digimon partners. (Heck, with Digimon Battle Generation I wrote something like that myself.) But do not put it in some 3 minute epilogue and then let it dangle off there like that! Like, I mean... c'mon!

I get that it is a somewhat nice thought. But... yeah, no. It does not work.

I kinda feel the Digimon fandom needs a tag on Ao3 like the HP fandom has: EWE. Epilogue? What Epilogue?