#in this essay I will (<- has never seen a magical girl anime before)

[captaindeinony]

Dawn has untapped magical girl potential the pkmn company should release a bunch of shorts where random protags are put into theoretical magical girl situations

[emilylovescookies]

Your art style literally has to be one of my favorite I've ever seen it's so perfect omgggg I wish I could draw T-T I've never ever written anything on here but I just had to this time!

Sooooo lemme see about a question....

How long have u been drawing for?

And what are ur top 5 anime? :)

thank u so much!!!!!!!!! I've been drawing forever but I started digital art back in 2015 with good ol ms paint :^)

ANDDD top 5 anime this is HARD lol. soul eater is #1 forever and always, then hmm kekkai sensen, bungou stray dogs, noragami, andddd then higurashi probs? (would add blue exorcist and tokyo ghoul but I prefer the mangas)

and then anything directed by kunihiko ikuhara, all his animes are 10/10s. oh and urusei yatsura too, love me some lum. probably should add madoka magica and mermaid melody for some honorable magical girl mentions. also vanitas no carte too.

ok I need to stop typing before I write an essay about all the anime I love LOLLLLLL!!!

[foxwitchaine]

Question

Which characters from other media, do you think is a better version of miraculous ladybug characters?

I'm gonna take this question with a huge pile of salt. Because there's more than one show that does this concept better than what MLB does. That also includes how they handle the cast. I'm also gonna sound like a broken record with the upcoming "buckle up", but buckle up and hold on tight, everyone. It's gonna be a rollercoaster.

1.) Mr. Freeze

I know for sure I'm cheating just by mentioning him, but Mr. Freeze is what Gabriel Agreste should have been in regards to his quest for Emilie. Mr. Freeze isn't just a sad man mourning for his wife. He is broken. Shattered. Screwed over by people higher on the corporate ladder than himself (doesn't that sound familiar). Thing is, Mr. Freeze's story resonates with people and is part of the reason why he is still talked about today. He's also shown a kinder side, like the time he made it snow during Christmas in one issue of The Batman Adventures comics. All for the simple reason his late wife would have been sad if there had been no snow that year.

His demise in Batman Beyond left many viewers heartbroken, as we're left wondering what could have been.

Gabriel Agreste, on the other hand, is utterly and thoroughly selfish and thinks of no one but himself. This is best seen in how he treats his son throughout the show. Disregarding Season 5 (I have no idea how they thought they could pull it off), Gabriel has not shown one ounce of humanity. Not towards Nathalie, not towards Adrien, not even towards his wife, who he supposedly loves. Other than the show telling us how much he loved her (this is a recurring problem with MLB's writing), we never would have known.

Gabriel's death in Season 5, as a result, is much less impactful than Mr. Freeze's death in Batman Beyond.

2.) Madoka Kaname

Now this is a more recent show that I still think holds up. For those not in the know, Puella Magi Madoka Magica is a 12-episode anime series that aired in 2011 and, for lack of a better word, changed the game in magical girl anime. While one could argue that it tears down rather than celebrates women in power (as magical girl shows are supposed to do, Astruc), and it's not the most original concept (what is, nowadays), one thing most can agree on is the character writing, especially for Madoka.

Madoka, just like Marinette, is a selfless sweetheart who performs the ultimate sacrifice for the greater good. What separates her from Marinette, tellingly enough, is how her sacrifice is written. Throughout the anime, Madoka watches helplessly from the sidelines as her best friend Sayaka sacrifices herself for a boy. And then Sayaka gradually loses herself as the truth about magical girls comes to light. We aren't just told how Madoka feels about it. We see and feel it ourselves. I could write an essay on how well-written Sayaka's tragedy is, but that's beside the point. The point is, Madoka chose the sacrifice rather than having it forced on her by the writers.

Sound familiar?

It should.

Gen Urobuchi, despite his reputation, took the time to respect Madoka's agency as a character. Thomas Astruc tears down Marinette every chance he gets. You can't get more telling than this.

3.) Prince Zuko

You're all probably gonna get tired of hearing me talk about Avatar: The Last Airbender. But then again, I'm pretty sure every ATLA fan has heard that in the years since the original show ended. I've mentioned him before when talking about Chloe's botched redemption, but I feel this is the perfect place to expand and discuss more.

Prince Zuko is what Chloe Bourgeouis should have been in the show. And no, his redemption didn't come out of nowhere. It was consistently foreshadowed throughout the show all the way from the very first episode. This is an essay all in itself, so I'll refrain from diving into detail. But the fact of the matter remains that Zuko is the gold standard for writing a villain redemption. I could point out Darth Vader as another example of a villain redemption. But where he had to die to redeem himself, Zuko didn't.

Zuko also had a better-written backstory that explained (not excused, there's a difference) his behavior at the start of the show. I can't claim to know what the MLB writers had in mind when writing Chloe, but I'm pretty sure Audrey Bourgeois was supposed to be the Ozai figure in Chloe's backstory. Which leads me to my next point:

Zuko wasn't forgiven right away.

Yes. You heard that right.

Zuko had to work to be forgiven by the people he had wronged. And guess what? He failed. If anyone remembers when Azula critically injured Aang and Zuko betrayed Iroh to the Fire Nation, you'll all know what I'm talking about.

Zuko fell during his redemption arc. But he got back up again. And he apologized — genuinely apologized — to the man he betrayed.

4.) Odd Della Robbia

Code Lyoko is a relic from the early 2000s eras of cartoons. And boy, could I write essay after essay on this show. But since we're talking about characters and such, we'll be focusing on this lovable jokester from the show.

Odd Della Robbia is what Chat Noir should have been if he had been in the hands of competent writers. Odd isn't just the perpetually hungry jokester of the group who chased the first pretty girl who caught his attention. He pulled his weight in the battles against the malevolent AI X.A.N.A. Be it through helping Aelita reach the Towers, fighting Specters in the real world, heck even fending off Sissi during her worst moments. Perhaps even more damning is how Odd, despite his less pleasant actions and habits, was more of a true friend to his group than Chat Noir is to Ladybug.

Yes, writers. You can write a jokester character beyond what comes from his mouth.

No, this doesn't mean you can let them harass everyone they come across.

Perhaps, I'm gonna say this a lot, even more damning is how Odd responds to the rejections from the various pretty girls he chases. He actually takes no for an answer. Shocking, isn't it. He chases a skirt, they say no, he moves on. And no, this isn't portrayed as romantic or heroic. It's portrayed just as it is. A hormonal teenage boy being prone to doing stupid things.

What teenager hasn't done something stupid thanks to their hormones?

5.) Susan Ashworth

(Content Warning: mature themes such as suicidal depression)

I'm venturing into mature video games here, admittedly. I couldn't quite find one from my childhood that stood out, so I browsed through some game playthroughs I watched years ago. Ultimately, I settled on Susan Ashworth from the 2012 game The Cat Lady. Astruc being a man shouldn't be an excuse for him writing Marinette and other female characters so poorly. Why? Because Susan Ashworth, and by extension the game she is from, was written by a man.

Funny. I know.

What's even more amazing is how the developer Remigiusz Michalski, who publishes his games under the label Harvester Games, tackled such serious topics such as depression and suicide. No, he didn't use them for shock value, as that's very commonly done very tactlessly. He handled them with maturity and grace. Susan isn't defined by her depression even though she successfully committed suicide in the opening of the game. She has moments of humor and snark, like in the scene where Mitzi is showing her how to use social media. It also helps that Michalski... actually knows what he's talking about, as it's stated in interviews that he worked as a nurse before he created the first game Downfall in 2009.

I can't stress enough the importance of research before writing. Astruc clearly has a lot of ideas he wants to shove into Miraculous Ladybug, but they all fall flat due to a glaring lack of research and preparation. I'm not saying go do gruesome things for your craft and stick to "write what you know". I'm saying know what you're getting into before you dive in. One glaring example I think everyone can agree was poorly handled was Qilin, thanks to plot with the racist ticket inspector.

Michalski clearly knew what he was doing when he wrote Susan's story. Astruc continues to flail in his attempts to keep Miraculous Ladybug relevant.

Honorable Mentions:

Ratchet and Clank, Jak and Daxter - This is how you write snarky hero and sidekick duos

Jerry, from Totally Spies - Come on. You all knew as soon as I mentioned Code Lyoko that this guy would come up

Mandy, also from Totally Spies - She's very entertaining despite being the high school queen bee archetype. It also helps that she consistently faced punishment for her actions

Sissi Delmas, from Code Lyoko - I was gonna use her in place of Zuko just for the fact she showed other traits, such as her protectiveness of Milly during the zombie episode

Uncle Iroh - Do I even need to say it out loud?

KOS-MOS, from the Xenosaga trilogy - She's an excellent example of how to slowly unveil a character throughout the story

Tidus and Yuna, from Final Fantasy X - A really good example of how to write a romance into the story without dragging the plot down

Fiona Belli, from Haunting Ground - A bit polarizing, I know, but Fiona's friendship with Hewie is so heartwarming and grounding. Basically what Chat Noir should have also been to Ladybug

[squidsandthings]

top 5 manga/anime series :D

Sailor moon

My First love, my magical girl awakening, the reason i like women /hj (Haruka and Michiru the characters ever). I will always love sailor moon deeply. It genuinely saved my life and it will always be something which brings me lots of comfort. In the name of the moon, I'll love this series forever.

2. Bungo Stray Dogs

Okay wow was anyone surprised? I know this is a big shocker. To be honest going into bsd I never expected to latch onto it the way I did. I started bsd halfway through Moriarty the Patriot looking for something to watch in-between since I didn't want to finish Moriarty yet. Off-hand I happened to remember one of my irls (you know who you are) bringing up bsd so I watched all of s1 and s2 in one night. Bsd is one of those stories that's insane to explain but once it gets it's grips on your brain it's never coming out. The characters are just endless wells of potential and I never get tired of reading new analysis about the show and manga. I've made so many friends thanks to bsd. I can't not be grateful to it for being what really brought my blog any attention but also for all the connections ive made in this fandom and all the amazing fanworks Ive seen and creators i've engaged with. Bsd is absurd, its tragic, its funny, it's making me sob after work with BUBBLES???, but it's also one of the best things to happen to me, even if I'm going to push asagiri down some stairs.

3. One Piece

*looks at tab* hey! I made it to episode 250 of one piece thats like...22% finished. Yipeee....

Ok I know one piece is long, and @bubblingacid and I will gladly give you a 10 page essay about its writing and design flaws. but..GOD. For all the sexism, the pacing, for everything one piece can be. The things it's able to do keep me hooked. One piece has given me I think osme of the widest range in emotions ive experienced watching an anime. Water 7 so far is some of the best anime I've watched, in general. Arlong park, made me cry at 3am. And even if I want to chop skypeia into bits with a meat cleaver I will say it was worth it for the g8 filler arc. I was intimidated by the scaled of one piece when I started it. Finishing one piece felt like this unachiveable goal shinign off in the distance, a legend, something I could never do. But I'm here. Not done, not even halfway done, but I've made it this far. One piece fills me with hope. A stupid reckless hope, a freedom to chase a silly, impossible dream, with all my heart no matter where it takes me. And I know one day I'll finish one piece, just like I know one day Luffy will be king of the pirates, and I just have to see it.

4. Moriarty the Patriot

One of the first anime I got into! I love this show dearly. I'm not as obsessed with it as somehting like bsd. But it has alot of fond memories for me, watching it before marching band practices and such. Sherlock is my favorite ever <3 And I do say catch me if you can sherlock holmes to myself on a regular basis.

5. Pokémon Indigo & Orange Leagues

MY CHILDHOOD!! I have so many memories watching this show as a little kid with my mom. She would tell all bout watching it with her brothers and sisters as a kid and it was a real bonding experience for me with her. I did watch the dub as a kid so I did think onigiri were jelly donuts for a good amount of my life (ive learned now I promise). One of the first songs I taught myself on horn was the original pokemon opening. It's a show I'll always have nostalgia for and one which inspired me to collect way too many pokemon cards. I love it alot and always will.

ty for the ask!

[tavina-writes]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks....

This is a difficult one! I've loved a LOT of characters over the years even if the current blorbo of interest is NHS from MDZS/CQL bc he's just such a fun little guy BUT lets see if I can try to do this chronologically and not in like, any character ranking fashion:

1 & 2: these two characters are absolutely the rulers of my heart: Huang Rong and her father, Huang Yaoshi from Legend of the Condor Heroes by Jin Yong. I just love my beloved spoiled conwoman princess and her insane evil wuxia version Maes Hughes dad so much. I could write so many essays about the Huangs and how they mean so much to each other and also to me. I'm always insane about family members who have complex relationships with each other and that's super evident with them.

3. Uchiha Madara from Naruto. Now, people who have known me for a long time know that I am a Naruto girlie, and that I skipped all the way to "Sasuke's Insane and Sad Pathetic Ancestor" on the character likes list. I love insane murder men and Madara is an insane murder man! He's also very sad. What's there not to like about him truly.

4. Mirasol from Chalice by Robin McKinley. I have a deep love for beauty and the beast narratives and this one ALSO had magic bees. I love Mirasol for her kindness and her devotion even in the wake of massive change and I have a special fondness for the entire story of Chalice both for the lovely worldbuilding and also Mirasol herself.

5&6. Sansa Stark and Cersei Lannister from A Song of Ice and Fire. I really really love both of these characters for entirely opposing but also really similar reasons! I love them for their flaws. For being stuck in their positions in a world that's really just! not! kind to them! and how they take that and go in such different directions.

7. Sheng Rulan from The Story of Minglan. I have such a soft spot for Rulan. She's petty, she's spoiled, she has so much love and holds onto her principles and her dreams so tightly, she's her father's least favorite child despite also being a legitimate daughter, she finds love, she's so cute, she's the clearest sighted of all four of the Sheng sisters, she's got such a growth arc to her, I love her SO SO MUCH. (I love all three of her sisters too don't get me wrong, Rulan is just my favorite.)

8. Wei Yingluo from The Story of Yanxi Palace. Yingluo! My girl! Never have I ever seen a female lead with so much pent up rage and desire to get even in a story that does not judge her for her hard edges and her propensity for violence. I love that about her. I love how kindness and cruelty and how her quest for vengeance never destroys her ability to love and care for others and recognize other people's genuine kindness and the difficulties other people face in life. I love her shrewdness and her determination to survive too! I'm just! So fond of her!

9. Jaskier from The Witcher (TV). I RARELY TALK ABOUT. MY UNAGING BARD BLORBO. BUT I LOVE HIM. I love the messy relationship Jaskier, Geralt and Yennefer have in the Witcher TV show and I REALLY love the way that Jaskier is portrayed. I don't know anything about the games but! I just! I love! This annoying kind of foppish man because annoying foppish male characters are another beloved character archetype for me, see below.

10. Nie Huaisang from The Untamed/Modao Zushi. Beloved Blorbo. Little crimes man. Unfilial and spoiled. Beloved for being SO jiggly and full of trauma and his tragedy is writ large to me because it! powers! the plot! without his tragedy there is no plot! he burns down his social circle because he loves his brother! There's just so much in here that's like, oh god. I love that he's an annoying foppish dandy and that he loves his pets and creature comforts and that he doesn't enjoy working hard and has so many problems. This too is life. I love this little guy I want to rotate him for a good long time.

[aeondeug]

What is meant by 45 years is that Gundam as a franchise is 45 years old. It has also had a gay shipping fanbase for just as long. One that literally saved the show from death, similar to Spock/Kirk and Star Trek. These shippers helped birth the BL fan communities and culture as it is known today.

In terms of impact and influence, Gundam is very similar to Star Wars. The first series literally reshaped mecha as a genre, helping give rise to a style of mecha known as "real robot". Gundam has also inspired things outside of mecha anime, such as magical girl anime and, of course, BL. And as I stated that is the first series. There are many Gundam series over a variety of timelines, many of them influential juggernauts in their own right. Beyond the shows Gundam is also a series of games, comics and novels. It is also one of the most profitable toy brands in the world via plastic model kits called gunpla. Said toys are so ubiquitous that if you see plastic model kits in an anime, chances are you'll see one or two inspired by Gundam.

Also fun fact, The Witch From Mercury, the series sulemio is from, helped boost sales of said toys to an unprecedented degree. The kits sold out very fast with the the Gundam Aerial, the mech that Suletta pilots, being sold out everywhere for a very long while and in a fashion extreme enough that it was reported in news articles. When models of Suletta and Miorine came out they sold out before I could manage to order a set. I had to go and search in a variety of local stores, one of which being an hour out of the way, before I could grab them. Others were no so lucky.

As for the ship itself, The Witch From Mercury trended basically constantly while it was airing, as stated. The sulemio ship tags did as well. Someone in the notes has shared evidence that it was in the top three tags in Japanese twitter all throughout. Sulemio is also a rather historically important ship. Suletta Mercury is the first girl to head a Gundam series. And while there have been queer Gundam characters in the past, she is also the first Gundam protagonist to be in a queer relationship. One that notably ended in a canonical marriage. This show aired while Japan has been going through a strong push towards gay marriage in a primetime slot. It was a very public and well known series. One designed to try and get new people into Gundam, a goal it succeeded in. For at least some of that new base, the sapphic romance was the major reason for getting into Gundam as a whole.

I've seen people compare sulemio's importance as somewhat akin to that of korrasami. It is an important stepping stone that will lead to doors being opened wider. One that is part of a 45 year long history.

From where I am standing as a fan of primarily Japanese media and of sapphic media and as someone who participates in that fandom, including on tumblr, sulemio is the clear standout choice. My roots have never included Destiel, as even before the show ended and even during the heyday of superwholock I did not follow people who cared about it. I was so unaware of things that I honestly thought Destiel was the name of a character and a character from a show I did not know the name of. I actually didn't know it was a ship until I had seen a video essay about queerbaiting.

My heritage is instead things like Revolutionary Girl Utena, Sailor Moon, Maria-sama ga Miteru, Magical Lyrical Girl Nanoha and, yes, Gundam. Japanese media has been what I've engaged with since I've participated in fandom. Hell, my earliest memories are of watching Japanese cartoons and playing Japanese video games. And the moment I learned that there were stories from there that involved women who love other women? I was hooked. That's where I've stayed and when I came to tumblr that's where I ended up. I saw nothing but sulemio for months. I still see it crop up. Before it I saw years upon years of edeleth yuri. I still see that too. Now I am inundated by an endless stream of farcille. With that background in mind, of course I'd vote for sulemio. Yuri raised me and sulemio is a very big step in yuri history.

Tumblr Top Ships Bracket - FINALS

This poll is a celebration of fandom and fandom history; we're aware that there are certain issues with many of the listed pairings and sources, but they are a part of that history. Please do not take this as an endorsement, and refrain from harassment.

[strawberry-cowmilk]

Brothers and datables watch pan's labyrinth. Their reactions.

Hi! I actually haven't watched the movie yet but I did some research on it, I know what I'm going to watch next now. Thanks for the (indirect??) movie recommendation, anon! Anyways, I hope you like it

the obey me cast watches pan's labyrinth

not proof read, also luke isn't in this because I don't think it's a child-friendy movie. Also, I'll do my best to keep this as spoiler-free as possible.

content warnings: movie itself is pretty dark, crying

-----

Lucifer

he enjoys movies that have a deeper meaning behind the surface, so it's safe to assume he liked this one

lucifer watched it with a straight face, but deep down inside he felt bad for the girl (he will never admit to that)

even though he's watched plenty of movies that deal with heavy topics

Mammon

we all know this guy hates horror, and while this movie isn't exactly that genre, some of those magical creatures haunted him in his nightmares

mammon was that one guy who screamed pretty loudly during some scenes

and also he cried at the ending

Leviathan

movie night? with diavolo and the others and the movie isn't even an anime? hard pass if only lucifer didn't force him to join the activity

levi went in with a pretty sour attitude towards the film, but eventually it grew on him

now he's writing a 6 page essay review on it online

Satan

he's actually already read the book so he knows some of the hidden lore behind the movie

satan's just sitting there, feeling proud of himself because he knows he's got more knowledge than lucifer at the moment

also he is the one who tells mammon to be quiet when he screams

Asmodeus

this is very different than the mostly lighthearted stuff he usually watches

and asmo feels like this is one of those movies where you can't really understand the full story when you've only watched it once

that doesn't mean he'll rewatch it, he prefers his 'lighter' stuff

Beelzebub

as long as there's popcorn and/or other food, beel doesn't care what movie plays nor does he pay full attention to it

but this one actually did catch his attention at some point, beel really put the popcorn down for a minute

the ending made him very emotional though

Belphegor

there's a good chance belphie will fall asleep during the movie

unless a loud noise or something wakes him up, he will fall asleep and therefore miss the movie

he doesn't really mind that, though, belphie likes sleeping during movies

Diavolo

this is great! watching a film from the human world in the devildom

diavolo is so happy spending time with the others, the switch in mood caused by the dark content in the movie actually catches him off guard for a while

he did like said movie, but maybe let's watch something less heavy next time

Barbatos

barbatos probably didn't watch the whole thing since he was doing things like making everybody tea while the movie was playing

but chances are high he fully understood what was happening regardless

he can tell diavolo got a little upset by the movie, cheering his master up is his first priority after the film ended

Simeon

he had not heard of the movie before, so he looked it up to check if he could bring luke or not

turns out it's not suitable for him so simeon went without him

as a writer, he really appreciates the effort the creators put into the movie

Solomon

he's a human and he's been around for a long time, solomon has probably already seen it

the most amusing part of movie night was studying the reactions of the others

also he made cookies but barbatos accidentally dropped the tray, too bad, guess he's making a new batch later

[magicalgirlgrimoire]

Sailor Moon and Motherhood: Part 1

Why Chibiusa is essential to Sailor Moon and I will Fight You on this

When I was a kid, I never really paid much attention to Chibiusa. I had vague memories of her during my childhood experience of the show as either Usagi’s sister and or weird child, and when I started to get more into the fandom in my tweenaged years, I was again, pretty uninterested in her. I remember later, at a convention when an older table mate asked me if I liked Sailor Moon post season 1; I was confused, because yeah, I liked all of Sailor Moon. That’s when they explained to me that Chibiusa’s addition in the second season was a major upset in the old fandom of the show- people hated her and how she disrupted the status quo.

But I posit that Chibiusa is in fact the best and most important character in Sailor Moon, and in this essay I am going to tell you why.

Chibiusa is essential to the narrative of Sailor Moon for one key element she introduces that propels Usagi’s character development further than any villain; the struggle of motherhood.

I am going to make my disclaimer now in before anyone says anything: Yes, it is cliche, stereotypical ect ect that Sailor Moon is relagated into a mum. Yes, it’s very conservative and traditional for our female heroine’s character development to hinge on motherhood.

However what’s not typical is how much Usagi hates and struggles with parenthood, and how this becomes a major driving force of her character.

Usagi’s relationship to Motherhood

Usagi herself has the blessing of two mothers present in her own life. However, neither make a huge impact in the ongoing narrative; her earth mother, Ikuko, falls squarely into the role of comedy relief parent in both the anime and manga, and her celestial moon mother Queen Serenity serves as mostly a conduit for backstory exposition before slipping out of the plot for good in the first story arc.

This very much mirrors the majority of Magical Girl series; for a women centric genre, maternal role models aren’t really around much. The only mum of a main character I can really think of who really reflects an image of modern motherhood is Madoka’s Mother in Puella Magi Madoka Magica. I’m writing another essay about Motherhood and Mature Feminity in the Magical Genre; it’ll be linked when it’s done.

However, the GOAL of motherhood and domestic femininity is ever present; some examples are in Shugo Chara, where one of Amu’s dreams is to be good at cooking or in Tokyo mew Mew where Ichigo dreams of being a bride. These, and other examples glorify the traditional value of getting married young and beginning a family.

Sailor Moon on the other hand actually explores what it means to achieve that goal; albeit through some metaphor.

Because when Chibiusa falls out of the sky at the start of arc 2, Usagi essentially becomes a teen mum.

Suddenly, she isn’t just a young woman in love with her destined reincarnation boyfriend; she’s now saddled with the responsibility of a child from the future, and now both she and Mamoru have to prioritise this child above all else, including each other.

Mamoru, being the perfect anime boyfriend, of course takes to this easily, but Usagi loses it. She’s just spent all this time being the centre of Mamoru’s world, and fighting to save their love, but now there’s a screaming kid in her way. And she hates Chibiusa, and Chibiusa is hardly amicable to her. Unlike with Mamoru, who easily falls into a carer dynamic, Usagi and Chibiusa initially start off acting more like sisters; I often think about how this reflects some real life dynamics I’ve seen between mothers and daughters who are closer in age, where the mother had kids very young. The conflict between the two of them culminates towards the end of the arc when Usagi slaps Chibiusa, and in that moment realises that she, Usagi, is the bad guy here.

Because Chibiusa is a child; HER child.

This sets off Usagi’s biggest change as a character; she begins to learn to be truly selfless, for her daughter. While the other characters in Sailor Moon up until this point have helped to develop Usagi’s character in their own way, it isn’t until this moment she really begins to change. Her friends show Usagi’s compassionate side; her ability to connect with others and her gentle nature that attracts others to her. Usagi’s relationship with Mamoru shows her tenacity and the lengths she’ll go to for others that are important to her. But these relationships don’t push her the same way as Chibiusa does; with her friends, she is still the princess to be protected; with Mamoru, he’s the indulgent lover, and she’s allowed to stagnate in their romance. It is Chibiusa who spurs Usagi to grow; Chibiusa can only be a dependant to Usagi. This is the first time Usagi must truly choose to protect someone.

And through it, Usagi grows up from a bratty girl into a young woman who’d do anything to protect her daughter; it is the love and genuine friendship she develops with her own daughter that makes Usagi into the loving, brave and heroic Sailor Moon.

[wickwrites]

Wonder Egg Priority Episode 4: Boys’ and Girls’ Suicides Do Mean Different Things (But Not in the Way the Mannequins Want You to Think!)

So, let’s talk about this for a second. After I got over my initial knee-jerk reaction, I realized I wasn’t sure how to make sense of exactly what the mannequins were arguing for here. So let me rephrase their statements to make the argumentative structure more explicit: Because men are goal-oriented and women are not, because women are emotion-oriented and men are not, and because women are impulsive and easily influenced by others’ voices and men are not, boys’ and girls’ suicides mean different things – girls are more easily “tempted” by death, and therefore, more likely to require saving when they inevitably regret their suicide. While Wonder Egg Priority, so far, seems to agree with the vague version of the mannequins’ conclusion, namely that boys’ and girl’s suicides mean different things, it refutes the gender-essentialist logic through which that conclusion was derived.

The mannequins choose a decidedly gender essentialist approach in explaining the difference between girls’ and boy’s suicides; they argue that the suicides are different because of some immutable characteristic of their mental hard wiring (in this case, impulsivity, emotionality, and influenceability). Obviously, this is a load of bull, and Wonder Egg Priority knows it. The mannequins are not exactly characters we’re supposed to trust, seeing that they’re running a business that is literally based on letting these kids put themselves in mortal danger. As faceless adult men, they parrot and possibly represent the systems that force these girls to continue to be subjected to physical and emotional trauma (it’s probably more complicated than this, but four episodes in, it’s hard to say more). So, we’re probably supposed to take what they say with great skepticism. Also, the director, Shin Wakabayashi, has recently said that in response to these lines, Neiru was originally going to object, “When it comes to their brains, boys and girls are also the same,” (which unfortunately is not exactly true and is somewhat of an oversimplification, but the sentiment is there). While that line ultimately did not make it in, Neiru does reply with a confused and somewhat indignant, “What?!”, a reaction that gets the message across.  Neiru is not a fan of gender essentialism, and as a (more) sympathetic character, we’re supposed to agree with her.

That is, the differences between boys and girls is not something inherent to their biology or character, but something constructed by culture and experience. This rejection of gender-essentialism is apparent in Wonder Egg Priority’s narrative, which takes a more sociocultural perspective on the difference between boys’ and girls’ suicides. It says, well of course boys’ and and girl’s suicides don’t mean the same thing, that’s the whole reason why we’re delving into the experiences specific to being a girl (cis or trans) or AFAB in this world – to show you how girls’ suicides are influenced by systems of oppression perpetuated by those in power (ie. the adult, in this specific anime).

And all the suicides we’ve seen up until now tie into that somehow. For instance, Koito is bullied by her female classmates who think that Sawaki is giving her special treatment. This is a narrative that comes up over and over again, in real life as well: that if a young girl is being given attention from an older man, then it’s her fault – that she must want it, or at least enjoy it somehow, and that it signifies a virtue (eg. maturity or beauty) on her part. And if Koito is actually being given such treatment by Sawaki, an adult man in a position of power over her, that is incredibly predatory. 

And we all know that child sexual abuse is something that overwhelmingly affects girls, with one out of nine experiencing it before the age of 18, as opposed to one out of 53 boys (Finkelhor et al., 2014). Regardless of whether Sawaki was actually abusing Koito or if the students only thought that he was, Koito’s trauma is ultimately the result of this romanticized “love between a young girl and adult man, but not because the man is predatory, but because the girl has some enviable virtue that makes her desirable” narrative. Similarly, in episode 2, Minami’s suicide is driven by ideas related to discipline and body image in sports, which while not necessarily specific to female and AFAB athletes, is framed in an AFAB-specific way. For instance, take the pressure on Minami to “maintain her figure”. Certainly, male athletes also face a similar pressure, but we know that AFAB and (cis and trans) female bodies are subject to closer scrutiny and criticism. We know that young girls are more likely to suffer from eating disorders. And Wonder Egg Priority situates Minami’s experience as decidedly “about” AFAB experience when her coach accuses her change of figure due to her period as a character failing on her part.

 Likewise, episode 3 delves into suicides related to “stan” culture, this fervent dedication to celebrities that is overwhelmingly associated to teenage girls. And Miwa’s story, in episode 4, explicitly shows how society responds to sexual assault. When Miwa does have the courage to speak up about her assault, she’s instantly reprimanded by basically everyone around her. Her father is fired because her abuser was an executive of his company. Her mother asks her why she couldn’t just bear with it, telling her that her abuser chose her because she was cute, as if that’s supposed to make her feel better about it. Wonder Egg Priority shows that this sort of abuse is a systemic problem, a set of rules and norms deeply engrained in a society and upheld by all adults, regardless of gender, social status, or closeness (to the victim). Wonder Egg Priority says that, yes, girls’ and boys’ suicides have different meanings, but it’s not due to some inherent difference between the two, but the hostile environment in which these girls grow up. Girls are not more easily “tempted” by death, they just have more societal bullshit to deal with.

But Wonder Egg Priority goes further than just showcasing how girls’ (and AFAB) experiences are shaped by sociocultural factors. The story also disproves the supposedly dichotomous characteristics that the mannequins use to differentiate girls and boys (i.e. influenceability/independence, impulsivity/deliberation, emotion-orientation/goal-orientation). If the mannequins are indeed correct, and that girls are just influenceable, impulsive, and emotional, you’d expect the girls in the story to be to be like such too. Except, they aren’t. Rather, they’re a mix of both/all characteristics. This show says that, certainly, girls can be suggestible, but they’re also capable of thinking for themselves. For instance, when Momoe asserts her own identity as a girl at the end of episode four, she rejects the words of those around her who insisted that she isn’t a girl. If she were as suggestible as the mannequins believe her to be, that would never have happened – she would have just continued believing that she wasn’t girl ���enough”. But, she doesn’t because she is equally capable of making her own judgements. Likewise, Wonder Egg Priority shows that girls can be impulsive, but they can also be deliberate and pre-mediating. When Miwa tricks her Wonder Killer into groping her to create an opening for Momoe to defeat it, she’s not doing it out of impulse – it’s a pre-mediated and deliberate choice unto a goal. And Wonder Egg Priority continues, girls can be equally emotion oriented and goal oriented. Sure, the main girls are fighting because they have the goal of bringing their loved ones back to life, but those goals are motivated by a large range of emotions, from guilt to anger, grief, compassion, and love. 

Being emotion-driven doesn’t mean you’re not goal-driven, and vice versa. In fact, in this case, being emotional drives these girls toward their goals. In other words, none of these traits that the mannequins listed are either “girl traits” or “boy traits”. Being one does not mean you can’t be the other, even if they seem dichotomous at first. Wonder Egg Priority’s diverse cast of multi-dimensional female characters allows it to undermine the mannequins’ conceptualization of gendered roles, refuting the idea that these (or any) character traits should be consider gendered at all.

As an underdeveloped side thought, I think Wonder Egg Priority’s blurring of gendered roles is also well-reflected in its style. There’s been a lot of talk about whether Wonder Egg Priority constitutes a magical girl series, and I think that’s an interesting question deserving of its own essay. Certainly, it does follow the basic formula of the magical girl story: a teenage heroine ensemble wielding magical weapons saves the day. But it also throws out a lot of the conventions you’d expect of a magical girl story – both aesthetically and narratively. Aesthetically, it’s probably missing the component that most would consider the thing that makes an anime a magical girl anime: the full body transformation sequence, complete with the sparkles and the costume and all that. Narratively, the girls are also not really magical girl protagonist material – they’ve got a fair share of flaws, have done some pretty awful things (looking at Kawai in particular; I still love you though), and aren’t exactly the endlessly self-sacrificing heroines you’d expect from a typical magical girl story. On the other hand, the anime also borrows a lot from shonen battle anime. We get these dynamic, well choreographed action sequences full of horror and gore, the focus on the importance of camaraderie between allies (or “nakama”, as shonen anime would call it) exemplified through all the bonding between the main girls during their downtime, and in the necessary co-operation to bring down the Wonder Killers. That said, this anime is not a shonen; the characters, types of conflicts, and themes are quite different from those that you’d find in a typical shonen. The bleeding together of the shonen genre and the magical girl genre, at the very least (and I say this because I think it does way more than just that), reflects Wonder Egg Priority’s interest in rebelling against conventional narratives about girlhood and gender.

[abbysfrenchbraid]

Daring - Chapter 2

This is part two of my Abby Mordern!Au, you can read Chapter 1 here.

Masterlist

Abby and the reader have dinner at Abby's place. There is music playing and referenced, so I'd recommend you listen to this playlist with all the songs playing in order as soon as the date night begins. About 10k words.

CW for alcohol consumption, mention of death/murder, mention of dubious consent (and possibly terrible grammar. It's 10pm, I just finished this, I don't have a proofreader atm)

Thyme and Tree Bark

“Don’t mess this up, airhead. Take care!”

“Yeah, yeah. Bye, idiot!”

You closed the door behind Mark as he vanished down the stairs and headed straight for your bed. Though you were less wobbly on your feet after devouring half of a perfectly cheesy pizza with just the right amount of jalapenos, it had thrown you straight into a food coma. Your angel of a brother had come over at noon with two chilled cans of coke and a large pizza from your favorite Italian place and not even ripped open the curtains as he usually did. Instead, he had thrown himself on the bed right next to you, handed you a slice, and demanded you start talking.

Of course, he already knew about Abby and your embarrassing shyness when it came to the buff blonde, so he was extremely proud of the progress you had made with your excruciating crush. You both agreed that Abby had definitely invited you over for a date this week - alone, without Manny there - and that it had to mean she was interested, too. He had laughed about the little bar stint when Abby had shut down your flirt with the hot waitress in an instant and was now 100% sure this was going to go great. As long as you kept it together and didn’t ruin everything. As you often did. This needed some tactical planning.

Mouths full of cheesy delight and laughing at each other’s stupid ideas, you and your brother had come up with a fairly foolproof plan. You would text Abby in 1-2 days, keeping it cool and asking when you should come over. Then, you would suggest making cocktails at home, already granting a fun activity and something to loosen the mood. You would keep it casual and bring over some nice liquor and maybe a bag of chips, perfect for watching a movie. You’d try to keep the conversation casual and try to speak mostly about Abby, asking lots of questions so you didn’t get tangled up in speaking about yourself. If you steered the conversation toward movies, you could watch something exciting and maybe even scary together so you could cuddle up on the couch together. And well, if you got that far, things would probably fall into place naturally. Foolproof. Y/N-proof.

You groaned as you reached over to grab your phone from your nightstand. You had a message from your mom asking if you wanted to come over for dinner next weekend and an email from your professor who wanted to submit your last essay to some kind of grant application. You’d have to answer her later, your head still felt like it was filled with cotton. Instead, you sent Leah a message.

-Hey, you still alive? There’s leftover pizza and coke over here.

Five seconds later, there was a delighted squeal at the other side of the wall and you heard the click of your roommate’s door before yours opened and Leah tiptoe-danced inside, beaming at you. She was wearing nothing but an extremely tight-fitting cropped wifebeater and a khaki thong, accentuating her long legs as she leaped right onto your bed and almost made you fly as her weight hit the mattress. You tried not to stare at her perfectly toned abs as she opened the gigantic carton and held up a slice of pizza over her head, letting the tip dangle in her mouth before biting down with a moan that made you snort awkwardly.

“Good morning, you animal.”

Leah just moaned again, making a grabbing motion with her hand and pointing toward the second can of coke on your nightstand. You laughed silently as you handed her the cold can, condensed water running down the sides and wetting your fingers. You wiped them on the blanket. The tall brunette swallowed hard and took a sip of coke.

“Good morning, womanizer.” She grinned widely. “I’m so proud of you, man. This is the first time I’ve seen you in action and I can safely say Abby was just as surprised as I was.”

You buried your face in your hands.

“Oh god, was I that obvious? Did I do anything inappropriate? I thought it went well, but now I’m not so sure.” You spread your fingers to peak at your roommate who was currently chewing on a ginormous bite, tomato juice running down her chin. No manners, that girl. She just shook her head and made a noise somewhere between protest and encouragement.

“No, you were fine,” she said with a full mouth, “very tipsy, but cute. I hope you remember Abby inviting you to her place.” She wiggled her eyebrows.

You ran your fingers through your hair, immediately getting stuck in a tangle of knots. God, you needed a shower.

“Yeah, I already went over it with Mark. We made a plan so I won’t embarrass myself.”

“Good. I hope it goes well, you two would be cute together. Hot, even. I mean, no one can deny the allure of those biceps. And her ass?! Godly.” She easily evaded the kick you aimed at her ribs, laughing and slapping your shin away.

“Come on, let’s not act like you’re not ogling her every chance you get. I am, too - the woman looks like a greek goddess!”

“That’s enough,” you giggled, aiming another playful kick in her direction but only lightly hitting her in the thigh. “I know what she looks like.”

“Right. And soon, you’ll hopefully see a lot more of her.” This time, Leah jumped off the bed before your toes could sink right into her side. You tried to suppress a grin as you two stared at each other for a moment before Leah sat back down cross-legged and began eating the last slice of pizza.

“I mean,” she said casually, “you have seen more of a woman before, right?”

You grabbed your coke and turned it in your hands before answering.

“Yeah, I have. It wasn’t… It wasn’t all that, though. Just one time and we were both so nervous it was just awkward.”

Now Leah looked at you with a mixture of shock and pity.

“Come on, Y/N. Only once? You’ve never seen stars because of a woman’s tongue? Never screamed into a pillow because of some skilled sapphic strap game? Never lost your mi-”

“Leaahhhh!” You groaned, feeling blood shoot into your cheeks. “No, okay? I… I made the other girl cum, but for me, it was just… it was too unfamiliar and I didn’t know her well enough to really let myself enjoy it.”

Suddenly a thought crossed your mind and you felt your eyes open wide.

“Wait. Has Abby…? Is she..?”

Leah paused mid-bite and thought for a second.

“Well, she does have experience with men, obviously. As far as women go… I honestly don’t know. She’s dated a few, but it never went longer than a couple of weeks. I don’t know how fast things go with her and she’s never gone into detail with me. I have to ask Nora about that.”

“Don’t you dare! She’ll know this is about me and tell Abby!”

“Oh come on, I’m interested, too.” She rolled her eyes. “I’ll tell you so you know what to prepare for, win-win!” She nudged your foot and gave you a mischievous half-smile.

“For god’s sake, do what you must.” You finished your coke and threw it perfectly into the bin beside your desk. Leah gave you an impressed nod. “And now I desperately need a shower. There is a literal nest on top of my head.”

“True,” Leah said and stood up, stretching her limbs as she walked to the door. “Thanks for the pizza. I’m gonna ask Jordan if he wants to come over, so don’t walk out naked if you don’t want a threesome.” She winked at you before closing the door, but a small part at the back of your brain knew that she wasn’t completely joking. You sighed and swung your legs off your bed. No point in lying around, it was past 3 pm anyway.

Grabbing your phone, a shirt, and some clean boxers, you headed for the bathroom. You took your time showering, detangling the mess on your head with lots of conditioner, humming along to Marika Hackman’s cover of I Follow Rivers as you stood under the hot stream of water and brushing your teeth for at least five minutes while waiting for a hair mask to do its magic. When you stepped out of the shower, the bathroom was filled with hot steam and you felt like a whole new person. You slipped into your fresh clothes and held the blow dryer to the mirror until your reflection was clear.

So. Here you were. Finally, you had spoken to the woman of your dreams and even flirted with her. She may have even been jealous of your short conversation with Ellie, the bartender. Tomorrow, you would text her, you would be brave and cool and not at all awkward. As you collected your clothes off the floor and took your phone, you suddenly realized something that would destroy your entire plan. You didn’t even have Abby’s phone number. Why hadn’t you asked her? Of course, you could ask Leah for it, but Abby would know because she knew she hadn’t given it to you. It would be a lot less cool and casual. Fuck.

You stepped into the hallway and ran straight into Jordan. Perfect. Good thing Leah had warned you.

“Oh, hi Y/N! You doing alright after all those tequila shots?” Jordan’s face was open and kind. You immediately relaxed. Just a guy, not a threat.

“Better than I thought I would, actually. What about you?”

“Well, I sent them back out the way they came as soon as I got home.” He grimaced and shrugged. “Just glad I’m still alive, to be honest.”

You had to laugh. “I’m glad, too. Leah would have been devastated.”

“I hope so.” He grinned back. The silence between you stretched a little bit too long.

“Anyways, I’m gonna see what she’s up to. See you later?”

“Yeah, sure!” You said, relieved that he didn’t make it awkward. You quickly slipped into your room and sank down on the bed, composing a text to Mark.

-Minor hiccup - I don’t have her number.

His reply came immediately.

-Shit. What now?

You let yourself fall back on the mattress and covered your face with your arm. Your phone vibrated again and you lifted it up, hoping for a brilliant idea.

-Hey, this is Abby. Are we still on for next week?

You almost dropped your phone on your face. For a minute, you just stared at the message. Then you rolled over onto your stomach and screamed into your pillow.

-Hi Abby. We absolutely are. Y/N.

You tried to suppress a fit of giggles as you texted your brother.

-Nvm, she just texted me.

-Omg what!! Play it cool, don’t answer yet. What did she say???

-Oops already answered. Still on for next week.

-Incredibly casual lol. Whatever, good for you!

-Shut up!

Another text by Abby came in and you actually started drumming your feet on the bed with excitement.

-Tuesday? I could cook for us

-Very impressive, I’ll bite. What time should I come over?

-Very clever. 6pm? Any allergies?

-Vegetarian, hope that’s okay. 6 is great, text me your address?

You watched the little text bubble pop up and vanish again for a good minute, getting more and more nervous for her answer.

- No problem. 2425 Constance.

There was nothing else to do but scream into your pillow again.

-

The next two days went excruciatingly slow. You spent the rest of your Sunday in bed, watching a terrible zombie movie and later ordering curry because you couldn’t be bothered with preparing any food. As it got late, you suddenly heard a knock on the wall. At first, you thought it was accidental, until the knocking started to continue in a steady rhythm. With a death glare that you hoped would reach through the concrete, you plugged your headphones into your laptop and continued watching your movie.

On Monday, you threw yourself into art history coursework and caught up on your studies, emailed your professor, and spent three hours on an essay about the depiction of blood in paintings of Judith beheading Holofernes. Lovely subject. Even though you got through a lot of your tasks for the day, you couldn’t stop yourself from looking at your phone every 10 minutes to see if you had missed a message. Of course, nothing came up. Around 4 pm, your phone buzzed and you leapt for it only to find out it was Leah asking you to buy toilet paper later. At 6pm, you shut off your laptop and grabbed your backpack to go grocery shopping.

Standing in the liquor store you realized you hadn’t asked Abby about cocktails.

“Looking for something in particular?” the elderly lady behind the counter asked. It seemed to be her own shop and to have been hers for a while, judging by the elegant wooden shelves and the warm, nice feeling of the room instead of neon lights and rows of white metal.

“Uh, yeah, actually. I have a date tomorrow and I thought we could make cocktails, but I forgot to ask what she likes. So now I don’t know what to bring.” You gave her an apologetic half smile. She stood up from her seat behind the register, growing not even 2 inches standing compared to sitting and made her way over to you. Her eyes twinkled behind thick glasses that made her look a little bit like an owl.

“Well, dear. I don’t know if I would go straight into the hard liquor on a first date. On my last first date, we had a delicious red wine, a Merlot. Couldn’t that be something? Are you going to eat anything?”

“Oh yes, she said she’d cook for us, but I don’t know what exactly.”

The shop owner gently put a hand on your arm and guided you to a shelf of dark bottles.

“Well, Merlot goes well with any food, so I think it would be perfect. Cocktails come later, when you dress up and go out together or after a night of theater.” You felt a surge of warmth spread through your chest. Theater? Well, why not? For a second, you began to trail off, imagining Abby in a perfectly tailored suit, you at her arm just as dressed up, every head turning as you entered the room and ordered Gin Tonics at the bar during the break. The voice next to you pulled you back to the present.

“If you’re cooking at home, wine is the thing to bring, trust me.”

“I trust you,” you said with a smile as you took the bottle she handed you. The label was a creamy white, with beautiful golden letters. Hopefully this wouldn’t bankrupt you. “Thank you for your help.”

The shopkeeper sat back down in her chair with a sigh and typed into the cash register. 15.99$. That wasn’t so bad. You paid and gently put the bottle inside your backpack.

“You know, you should come by soon and let me know how it went. I think that Merlot will bring you good luck. My wife and I still have it every Sunday.” Your head snapped up and your eyes met that charming, smart twinkle again, flashing at you out of dark brown irises. For a moment, all of the things you wanted to say were stuck in your throat, then you just broke into a smile.

“That’s wonderful, ma’am. I hope I can have that, in the future.”

“Of course you will, dear.” She really sounded like she meant it. A small lump suddenly appeared in your throat.

“Thank you so much. I wish you all the best.”

“Go get her!”

You laughed and waved at her again as you exited the shop, taking the warmth and comfort of it with you and tucking it right beneath the bottom of your heart and the top of your stomach where you knew it would fuel you for a few days. You had already decided that you would come back and make it your mission to befriend that old lady. What a wonderful woman.

Only 23 hours to go. That night, it was almost impossible to fall asleep.

-

You got through the next day by once again banning any thought of the evening from your mind and diving head first into your assignments. You were going to lead a discussion on different planes of language or communications in women’s art and literature and reading up on the historical differences between male and female narratives, beginning with the ancient poet Sappho. It was an exciting topic, something you were extremely thankful for. Otherwise you might have been looking at your phone every 3 minutes instead of every 20. Of course, no message from Abby.

The bottle of wine was standing on your nightstand, reminding you of your plans with an exciting tingle in your stomach. At 4pm, you gave up on doing anything productive. You spent forever in the shower, stealing some of Leah’s expensive pink body scrub, shaving everywhere and regretting it immediately because you felt stupid for assuming anything, entertaining the but what if thoughts while you thoroughly lathered your entire body in Leah’s shampoo and shower gel and spending a good 10 minutes just standing under the hot water because you weren’t ready to leave that fantasy yet. When you stepped out of the shower, the bathroom was an actual steam bath and you could hardly see the door through the thick waves of wonderfully scented fog. You took your time stealing some more of Leah’s skincare products, having come to the conclusion that if she noticed anything and scolded you for it, you might as well try out the whole arsenal.

When you finally opened your closet door, feeling luxurious and clean and fresh, it was 5.10pm. What the hell were you going to wear? You and Mark had agreed on casual, but what the hell did that even mean? You decided to ask him.

-Help!!! Freaking out over my outfit, need a definition for casual

-Jeans and T-Shirt, just your standard outfit. Imagine meeting me for sushi.

-I’m bringing red wine. It seems wrong to bring wine in jeans and a t-shirt..

-What happened to cocktails?? Trust me, keep it simple. You don’t wanna turn up in a dress and she opens the door in sweatpants.

-I don’t think I’ve ever seen her in sweatpants. Ughh fuck I don’t have time for this. Jeans and t-shirt it is. Lesbian grandma recommended wine, I’ll tell you about it tomorrow x

-Go get her x

You quickly slipped into some black jeans that were just the right amount of tightly fitting around your ass and a white shirt with a tiny pomegranate embroidered on the front. Then you put on your jacket and quickly threw your wallet, phone and keys into a tote before grabbing the wine and putting it in as well. With a last look into the hallway mirror and a yelled goodbye to Leah, you rushed out of your apartment.

The evening air was not as cool as you had expected and the sun was just about to set. On your way to the train station, you typed out an on my way! message to Abby and quickly deleted it again. No sense in sending it now when you hadn’t spoken since Sunday and were about to see her. The train ride was annoying, the wagon stuffed with commuters and some guy trying to convince you the apocalypse was upon you all. Zombies, not the last judgement - something different at least.

During the walk from the station to Abby’s house, you were sure it wouldn’t take much more for you to actually start levitating. Your heart was pounding in your chest and your throat was so cramped up it was hard to breathe. When you pulled out your phone, your fingers were actually shaking. Jesus Christ, get a grip. 5.58 pm.

And there it was, 2425 Constance. Just a normal suburban white house, like any other in the street. It actually seemed a bit weird, Manny and Abby living here in the midst of what seemed to be a family neighborhood with real adults . Then again, they both weren’t in college, so you supposed they actually were real adults. When you walked up to the front door, you could hear faint music from inside - jazz? You wouldn’t have guessed she was the jazz type, but then again you knew almost nothing about her. Right. Ask questions, keep the conversation about her. Be cool.

You knocked.

Abby opened the door, a wave of warm air hitting you from inside. It smelled delightful. Her face was slightly flushed, her lips parted as she took in a deep breath. She had tied her hair back in a low bun, but a few strands had fallen out and framed her face. One was standing up in a funny angle.

“Hi, Abby,” you said, trying to keep your voice level and not stare at her body. Fuck, she had dressed up. And she looked hot.

“Hi!” A smile slowly grew wide on her face. When she realized that she was blocking the door, she quickly shook her head and stepped aside. “Come in! Can I take your jacket?”

Oh God, this was hopeless. You already knew you were hers. Thanking her, you took off your jacket and she hung it in a closet next to the entrance. When she turned around, you got a chance to admire her fully. She wore wide dress pants that perfectly accentuated all of her muscles, topped with a loose white shirt with wide sleeves, reminding you a little bit of a pirate. Her jewelry rounded off the pirate look and you had to bite back a grin. She raised her eyebrows at you.

“What?” Her cheeks were still slightly red, but you attributed it to standing in a hot kitchen for probably the last hour, judging by the variety of smells overlapping and mixing together, already making your mouth water.

“Uh, I brought wine,” you said and held out the bottle. Eloquent as always. Abby took it and whistled through her teeth as she inspected the label.

“That looks classic. The sauce I made has some wine in it as well, this is perfect. Thank you, what a great idea!”

You were overwhelmed with her generous praise and didn’t know where to look, so you settled on her hands. You had always sneaked looks at her hands, at the way she held a glass or drummed on a table or clasped them when she was intently listening to someone. They looked strong and rough from work, but there was also a delicacy in their movement and you were sure her touch could be as gentle as the brush of a hummingbird flying past. Realizing you were staring, you tore your gaze away.

“It smells delicious in here, I can’t wait to see what you cooked.” You followed her into the kitchen, where she placed the bottle on the counter and took a corkscrew from a drawer. A big red pot was standing on the gas stove over a tiny flame, the lid still hiding its contents. Your stomach suddenly growled loudly into the silence.

“Someone’s hungry.” Abby gave you a side glance and an amused smirk as she screwed the silver device into the cork. “Everything’s already set, we can get started right away.”

You covered your eyes with your hand for a second before laughing.

“Yeah, I kind of forgot to have lunch earlier and then I figured I’d just wait so I could really savour this.”

“Smart thinking. I made patates au vin , a vegetarian version of coq au vin which is chicken in wine. It’s basically potatoes and vegetables in a thick brown sauce, served with some good rustic bread.” You couldn’t stop your eyes from rolling back at the thought of getting to eat home cooked french cuisine made by Abby in a few minutes.

“Oh my God, say that again.” You could barely stop yourself from moaning. Abby laughed and opened the wine with a loud pop.

“Here, take this over to the dinner table. I’m right behind you.” You took the bottle and followed her nod into the dining room. The wooden table was beautifully set with big and small plates, glasses for water and wine, candles, two blue glass bottles of water and a bowl of salad topped with what looked like apples, pomegranate seeds and feta cheese. You carefully placed the bottle of wine next to the water bottles and stepped aside for Abby, who came out of the kitchen carrying the heavy pot and placed it on a cork coaster in the middle of the table.

“Wait, let me just…” she trailed off as she grabbed her phone from the sideboard and changed the music. A saxophone led a jazz band into the song before a beautiful female voice set in, soft as butter and filling the room like the smell of roses. The voice was familiar to you, but you couldn’t quite place it. As Abby sat down, the music came to a crescendo before breaking off, the voice setting in again with a soft

is it a crime?

“Who sings this?” you asked as Abby opened the water bottle and filled your glasses.

“Oh, it’s Sade. She was my dad’s favorite.”

And I want you to want me too, the woman sang, and your eyes met over the table. You swallowed. Was? Not the right time.

“Sade? Oh, she sings Smooth Operator, right? I know that one, but I never checked out more of her music.”

Abby smiled at you and opened the lid of the pot.

“Yeah. This is the Promise album, my favorite. She is a force.”

A wave of steam erupted from the pot and you bent forward to look inside. Thick, roasted wedges of yellow potatoes lay in a bed of orange and purple carrots, mushrooms and tomatoes in a thick brown sauce, a stalk of thyme on top and a bay leaf poking out from the sauce. You weren’t sure if you were drooling, but you didn’t care.

“Abby, oh my God! This is fantastic.”

A spark had lit in her eyes when she heard you say her name. She elegantly stood up again, grabbed a serving spoon, and held out her hand for your plate. You watched her hands again as she plated an array of vegetables for you and used the spoon to draw a little sauce heart on the rim of the plate. Your ribs felt two sizes too small around your chest. This woman was actually going to be the death of you.

“Thanks,” you quietly said and waited as Abby helped herself to a plate. She sat down and gestured toward the small basket with thick slices of grey bread with a dark brown crust.

“Help yourself. Bon appétit.”

After a few moments of eating in comfortable silence before you showered the blonde in an array of compliments, this time not able to refrain from moaning when you bit into a tender, sweet purple carrot, the conversation began to flow. Abby complimented the wine, you talked about your studies, Abby told a few work stories in which both she and Nora were involved, you told her about your close relationship with your brother and she bittersweetly reminisced about her upbringing as an only child with a single dad. It had just been the two of them, moving frequently because of his changing jobs in different hospitals. He had been a neurosurgeon, and a brilliant one at that, but always humble and ready to help wherever he could. Abby sat up straighter when she talked about him, her chest actually swelling with pride when she told you about one time they had rescued an injured horse that had run away and been hit by a car in front of them.

“I think I was 16 back then. It’s one of my favorite memories of him. It actually wasn’t long before…” Her eyebrows moved into a frown and she bit her lip, pushing a small piece of onion around her plate. Fuck, maybe it would have been easier to talk about you, after all.

“We don’t have to talk about it. You can tell me when you’re ready.”

She looked up and you expected to see tears, but her eyes were full of love and her face smoothed out into a gentle smile.

“No, it’s okay. I’m still working on it, and part of my therapy is telling people who don’t know yet. You know, I don’t really have a lot of friends.” She suddenly laughed, easing the tension at the bottom of your lungs. “That sounds stupid, of course I do. I have Manny and Nora and Leah and Jordan and Owen, I guess. But the thing is, they all knew me before. I haven’t really made friends ever since my dad.. passed away. The idea of needing to open up to someone about all this so I can develop a real connection and friendship with them is just a lot to bear.”

“The mortifying ordeal of being known,” you mumbled, more to yourself, crumpling up your napkin in one hand.

“Sorry?”

“Oh, it’s this quote from a New York Times article that has been floating around the internet for a while. ‘If we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known’.” You looked up at her and inhaled deeply. “It’s something I’m also terrified of. Although it seems kind of stupid sometimes, because compared to you for example, I don’t really have a good reason.”

Abby looks at you like she’s just discovered something extremely interesting. She takes a sip of her wine before answering, her silver rings blinking at you in the candlelight.

“It’s not at all stupid. I’ve always been very careful with who I open up to, even before my dad died. It’s horrifying, laying yourself bare for a person, putting yourself on a silver plate and handing it to them and saying there, now do with it what you wish. Maybe they’ll look at it and say no, thanks. Maybe they’ll call everyone and say hey, look at this mad woman with her twisted insides, isn’t that funny? Maybe they’ll see it and think, I can do this, and then after a few years they suddenly realize they actually can’t and you’re way too much and so they leave for someone with a more simple, prettier silver plate. Maybe they’ll even take a few pieces with them as they go.”

She didn’t sound bitter as she said it, and she didn’t look terribly sad either, more as if she was making an observation about something she was mildly interested in. You didn’t know what to say except for show me your silver plate, please show me your all, and I will devour it, savor it, keep it with me forever. But you stayed silent, your tongue stuck to the roof of your mouth.

“I’m quite the handful, am I? Sorry, I shouldn’t have thrown all this” - she gestured toward herself - “at you during our first date.” Then her eyes widened as she realized what she had said. “Fuck, sorry, I just assumed… you probably don’t…”

Finally, movement came back into you. You jumped from your chair and were next to her in a few paces. She lifted a hand and you took it in yours.

“Of course this is a date,” you said gently and smiled at her. “Otherwise why would I have been this nervous for the past three days, thinking of nothing but you, constantly checking my phone to see if you texted me? And I brought red wine, come on.” That brought a smile to her face. She chuckled lightly.

“So I haven’t just ruined everything?” The hope in her eyes was mixed with real, honest fear.

“No, of course not. I’m glad you’re being open with me. You know, I planned not to reveal too much about myself tonight, fearing I would scare you away or say something stupid and make you suddenly lose interest.”

The current song ended and a soft, funky beat came on. There it was again, that twinkle in Abby’s eyes. Your hands were still clasped around hers and she made no move to pull back.

“Well, now I can’t wait to see what you have in store for me. Lay it on me. Over dessert, maybe?”

You raised your eyebrows.

“There’s dessert? You’re going to have to roll me out of here later.”

She laughed, warm and genuine, and the pride you had felt back in The Closet filled your chest again. You would do anything just to be the one to make her laugh every day for the rest of your life. She got up and you both started clearing the table together.

Never going to know

What fate is going to blow

Your way, just hope that it feels right

Could that Sade lady be any more on the nose? You risked a glance at Abby, who was smiling to herself. You followed her into the kitchen and she opened the fridge to produce a large glass dish, showing the several layers of biscuit and white cream, topped with dark cacao.

“Tiramisu? Seriously Abby, how much time did you spend in the kitchen today?”

She gave you a crooked grin before exiting the kitchen.

“Took the day off.”

You just sighed and went back into the dining room.

Such a fine time as this

“Here.” Abby handed you a small plate with a piece of her gourmet tiramisu. Your fingers brushed against each other and you both paused for just the blink of an eye.

What could equal the bliss

The thrill of the first kiss

You sat down and grabbed the small fork left next to your wine glass. On second thought, you took another sip of Merlot. It really was exquisite.

“Buon’ appetito,” you said and sliced off a perfect edge of tiramisu. The soft, coffee-drenched biscuit fell apart on your tongue, mixing with the heavy vanilla-flavored mascarpone. “Did you know where the name tiramisu comes from?”

Abby lifted her fork to her mouth and softly closed her lips around the piece of creamy dessert. You were entranced, watching her hand sink down to the table again, then her jaw moving and flexing as she chewed. She raised her eyebrows questioningly and you cleared your throat, taking another piece on your fork.

“ Tira mi su is Italian for ‘pull me down’. It’s the last thing you eat after dinner and the thing that makes you tired, pulls you right into the food coma. In restaurants, it rounds off the meal and guests will probably leave in the following hour because they feel they’re ready to go home.”

Never as good as the first time

Natural as the way we came to be

“Oh,” Abby said, her voice quiet. She looked up at you through dark lashes. “And are you going home after this?”

“No.” You said it without thinking, only knowing what was true in your heart. “I don’t want to.”

“I’m glad.” Taking a deep breath, Abby straightened up, then reached a hand across the table, her palm facing up. You stared at it for a fraction of a second before placing your hand in hers, feeling something fall into place inside you. The glances you exchanged said so much more than you could possibly dare to say out loud right now.

You used your free hand to stab the last piece of tiramisu. This time it was Abby who was watching you with hungry eyes as the fork vanished between your lips and emerged clean.

“This tiramisu could be the best thing I’ve ever tasted in my life,” you said after swallowing and Abby’s fingers twitched ever so slightly around your hand.

“Thank you. I’m really into French and Italian cuisine, as you may have noticed.”

You leaned back in your chair, careful not to pull back your hand.

“I couldn’t do it, honestly. Spending so much time in the kitchen. Especially not with a job like yours, on your feet all day. I’d probably survive off of pasta and takeout.”

Abby smiled and began slowly drawing circles on the back of your hand with her thumb. You were already hyper-aware of how your blood rushed through every vein of your body, a side-effect of the red wine, but now it came to a roar in your ears.

“I guess I need some kind of hobby besides lifting weights. It calms me down. And it’s not just about the end result, about getting to eat something, but also about picking the right ingredients, taking my time cutting them up, trying new recipes with new flavors, and learning more about food and culture, and honestly about myself. It’s like meditating.”

“That sounds…” you were at a loss for words, “unbelievable? I’ve never heard someone talk about cooking like that. And I’ve never felt that way about it, too. I guess I’d like to, though. It sounds nice.”

Abby brushed her thumb over your knuckles.

“Well, I could show you.” You tilted your head slightly. “I mean, we could cook together. Next time. If you want to?”

Sade’s voice, smooth as polished wood and dripping with honey cut into the moment.

How could I have doubted

Honey, it's with me that you belong

“Yeah, I’d love to. What do you have in mind?”

“Do you like lasagna? We could make a vegetable lasagna and substitute the meat for soy. I could show you how to make a béchamel.”

You laughed and squeezed her hand.

“I love lasagna, although I have no idea what a beshmel is.”

“You’ll just have to wait and see.” Abby’s face was glowing with happiness.

As the last two songs of the album played, you helped Abby clean up the table. You got into an argument about doing the dishes - Abby said she’d do it later but you insisted you would do them now or at least help because so far you had not lifted a finger.

“Come on, Abby, please let me help?” You tried your best doe eyes at her. She grinned and playfully slapped your upper arm.

“Okay. But I’ll put on different music.”

She vanished to the dining room while you began filling the sink with water. A high note filled the room before a man spoke.

You broke my heart / 'Cause I couldn't dance

You didn't even want me around

And now I'm back / To let you know

I can really shake 'em down

Abby stepped into your field of vision. The music set in, a delightful 60’s rock and roll melody, and Abby began dancing toward you with tiny steps and shaking shoulders. She was lip synching to the coarse voice of the singer and reaching out her hands for you. Snapping out of your frozen position, you shook your head, grabbed her hands, and were immediately twirled through the kitchen. A squeak escaped you as Abby pulled you back toward her and with another pirouette, you almost slammed into her chest. You both laughed out loud, continuing to dance through the kitchen with big, overexaggerated moves, flailing your arms and shuffling your feet across the tile.

I can do the twist

Now, tell me baby

Do you like it like this?

You quickly began singing along to the simple lyrics and both of you were giggling at each other’s dance moves. The next song was Stand By Me and you both settled down, beginning to clean the pots and dishes. You did the washing while Abby dried off the pieces you gave her and put them back into the right cupboards. Both of you were swaying and humming along to the music.

During the second chorus, both of you began belting along, filling the kitchen with the wonderfully familiar sound of slightly drunk women singing together. As the song ended, you both comically froze and waited for the next song to set in. When it was La Bamba by Ritchie Valens, you both continued singing along and showing off some probably terrible salsa moves. You were done in no time and Abby took your hand, pulling you into the dining room and sliding across the wooden floors with you. Your stomach hurt from laughing and you couldn’t stop smiling.

Next came the bittersweet Be My Baby by the Ronettes, a song you remembered from your childhood, vague memories of your parents slow dancing together after another terrible fight. You swallowed down the hint of bitterness creeping up from your stomach. Instead, you looked up at Abby, almost a full head taller than you, and dared yourself to step forward. You placed your right hand in Abby’s and your left on her tricep, coming unbearably and exhilaratingly close. Abby put her hand on your back, right below your shoulder blade, warming you through the fabric of your shirt. Your faces were incredibly close, her breath warm on your nose, and you could have counted every single freckle on her beautiful face. There was a slim ring of gold around her pupil, complimenting the green of her iris. She was breathtaking.

You couldn’t take this any longer. Should you kiss her? Everything inside you wanted to, but you couldn’t bring yourself to close the last inch of distance. It felt like wanting to do a handstand but pulling back at the last second every time because of a deep fear of failing and hurting yourself. It was terribly frustrating.

Instead, you leaned your head against the round muscle of Abby’s shoulder, turning your face toward her chest and pressing your temple to her collarbone. You could smell the herbs she had used to cook earlier in the fabric of her shirt, but her skin smelled like pine and something else, earthy and dark, like tree bark or wool. Abby rested her chin against your forehead and her low hum of contentment vibrated against your cheek.

A light waltz melody began, Unchained Melody, a song you knew from some commercial and had listened to for a few weeks straight after.

I need your love

God speed your love to me

You smiled to yourself and could sense Abby was doing the same. You kept slowly turning, dancing through the candle-lit room and swaying side to side. The band set in louder and you lifted your head again. Abby’s eyes were fixed to yours, but you couldn’t stop yours from wandering lower, finding those perfectly pink lips, hanging open ever so slightly. Your hand wandered upward, along her shoulder, and to the back of her neck. As the last verse of the song began, you stood on your tiptoes and brushed your lips against her. Abby inhaled sharply, her fingers spreading on your back and pressing against your skin. You gently pressed your lips to hers again and this time, she kissed you back. You dug your fingertips into the back of her neck, desperately wanting to come closer, to pull her down to you, hell, you would climb her like a tree if you had to.

Feeling courageous, you stuck your tongue out and ran the tip upward over her lips. Abby instantly reacted, opening her mouth for you and greeting your tongue with hers. She tasted like wine and cacao, and faintly like thyme. Releasing your hand, she wrapped her arms around your waist. You reached up and buried your hand in her hair. She gasped into your mouth. You tucked that sound away for later, swearing to yourself you would make her do it again as often as you could.

A few seconds of silence between songs were disrupted by your wonderfully frivolous wet kissing sounds and a small whine that escaped you when Abby’s hand wandered lower to cup your ass. The first guitar chords of Nights In White Satin vibrated through the air and Abby grabbed you tightly before lifting you off the ground and wrapping your legs around her hips. She carried you over to the dining table and set you down.

The dramatic crescendo in the song you loved so much began.

And I love you

Yes I love you

Oh, how I love you

The singer’s voice filled every corner of the room, his declaration hovering above you, the high voices of the background singers ringing in your ears and Abby’s hands everywhere, her body leaning over you, her hips pressed between your legs. You flexed your legs to pull her in closer, almost falling apart when Abby let out a low moan and rocked her hips forward against you. Then she suddenly slowed down and broke the kiss.

“Wait, let’s talk for a second.”

You kept your legs clamped around her, but relaxed back a little, brushing back a strand of hair from her forehead and giving her an encouraging nod to go ahead.

“I haven’t… I’m not that experienced with - with women. And generally. And I don’t want to rush things and do something wrong and lose you. I don’t really know how this works and I want to do it right.”

Her hands on your waist tightened slightly. You gave her a shy smile.

“Me neither. I’m scared, too.” You surprised yourself with your openness. “How about we take this slow, then? Talk about everything openly? And just go one step at a time?”

Abby nodded and pulled you closer again.

Holding Back The Years began playing.

“One kiss at a time.” She gave you a gentle peck on the lips.

“Oh, really? I would have never picked you as the sappy type,” you laughed against her lips.

“You wouldn’t?” She acted shocked. “Let me remind you of how I took the day off to cook a gourmet french dish for you.”

“True.” You shrugged and pulled her in for another kiss. “It’s probably the muscles. With those guns, you can do anything and still be taken seriously.”

Abby snorted and you realized that had been the wine talking. For a second, you were mortified, then she scooped you up again, holding your body with one arm as she ran her free hand through your hair.

“Oh, those? You know, they’re specifically for carrying you around all day. Anything for my - princess.” You had very well noticed the little pause there, but you decided not to say anything yet. Instead, you lifted your chin and eyebrows, imitating what you thought a royal would look like.

“Well, what does that make you? You’re obviously not a prince. My lady knight?”

Abby nodded solemnly.

“Sworn to protect and defend you. And to carry you wherever.”

“Well, do you have a sofa you could carry me to?” You tightened your hold on her shoulders and leaned in closer again.

“Of course, my lady.”

Abby carried you through a doorway at the back of the dining room into a cozy living room, equipped with a large sofa and a gigantic flatscreen tv, two vintage armchairs, a wooden bookshelf with at least 100 books, and a desk facing the window, medical books spread across the surface. The blonde sat down on the sofa and you knelt left and right of her hips, straddling her as you gave her another soft kiss.

“You know,” you began, “I’ve been crushing on you for months now. I thought you had absolutely no interest in me. I didn’t even know you liked women.”

Abby’s eyes widened at your confession.

“Shit, I had no idea. You weren’t exactly forward, you know. The first time we met, you already had this pull on me. But you were so shy and I didn’t want to jump you or annoy you, so I tried to keep my distance and wait if you would come around.”

“You have Leah to thank for that. Me coming around. I kind of forgot to come out to her until karaoke night and she told me you were dating women as well. She knows I’ve been a hopeless case when it comes to you, but she wanted me to figure this out on my own.”

Abby thought about this for a second.

“Yeah, Leah probably only told you because she knew I liked you, too. I haven’t been that open about dating women in the past, just because talking about dating in general was weird with Owen and Mel around and I also just don’t like everyone knowing my personal business.”

“I get that.” You nodded. “As I said, I hadn’t even been out to Leah. Mostly because I haven’t dated anyone in forever and the last time was a disaster not worth talking about.” You winced at the memory.

“You wanna tell me anyway?”

You thought about it for a second, then you climbed off Abby’s lap and laid down on the sofa, resting your head on her thigh. Her fingers immediately began brushing through your hair and massaging your scalp.

“Well, I met this girl during a freshman party at a sorority house the weekend before my first semester in college,” you began. You had felt weirdly out of place, but were determined to speak to at least one person. A few hours and an almost-lethal amount of tequila later, the girl you had talked to all night had dragged you into one of the bedrooms. You both had no previous experience, were extremely drunk and it was already 5am. You had fun making out and were both eager to try more, but it had been more out of curiosity than desire for each other and so the experience had not ended in the expected bliss of lesbian sex. Rather, she had come pretty quickly and afterward she'd begun crying and told you she had a boyfriend, and you had gotten dressed and fled the house. After that, dating in college was not really something you thought about much.

Abby listened to your story with interest and sympathy, laughing at a few parts and stroking your hair as you told her about the end of that fateful night. She felt deeply sorry for your experience of strangeness and betrayal, immediately promising to you that she would always tell you what was going on inside her head and what she wanted.

“Like you just did,” you smiled at her. “That was brave. It’s what I should have done that night.”

“I mean, I had a few weird moments, too, before I learned to speak my mind.” Abby’s gaze unfocused and she frowned as she clearly recalled some not very pleasant memories.

“Wanna tell me, too?” you asked, keeping your voice light. She nodded, looking down at you again.

“I mean, there's Owen, obviously. That didn’t work out well and now he is with Mel, leaving me wondering if he was interested in her while we were still together. After we broke up, Nora and I went on a little bender.” Your heart jumped into your throat. Did Abby and Nora...? A wave of jealousy rose from the bottom of your stomach, but you forced yourself to keep your calm, smiling at Abby as she continued.

“We spent every weekend at a different bar, and one of them was actually at The Closet. Nora was making out with a woman in actual overalls” - she snorted - “and I just hung out at the bar, drinking Long Islands and not brave enough to make eye contact with anyone. And then the bartender started talking to me.”

Suddenly realization dawned on you. You sat up and stared at Abby.

“Wait, Ellie? The short-haired one?”

Abby grimaced.

“Yeah. We talked for a while and I came back the next week with Leah and Jordan. They didn’t even notice I was spending a lot of time at the bar. Ellie and I met for coffee a few days later and I mentioned my dad and she got really quiet and strange. Turns out, she’s related to the guy that murdered my dad, so...”

You were pretty sure your heart stopped for a moment, all the air in your chest building up pressure as you tried to figure out how to breathe out. Abby noticed and gently guided you to lay back down, continuing to weave her fingers into your hair.

“It’s okay, Y/N. I’ll tell you the whole story another time. So yeah, Ellie and I. It was horrible, but we still stayed and talked for a while. She couldn’t tell me a lot about what happened, but she had no idea that I even existed and she was about to have a panic attack over it all. I helped her calm down and then she felt terrible for reacting so badly when it should be me panicking and I just told her that there’s nothing any of us can do now and we should probably leave it at that.” She sighed. “I hadn’t been to The Closet until a few days ago. I only came because I knew you’d be there.”

“Fuck, that’s terrible,” you mumbled. “I don’t think I could have gone back there. I’m still glad you did, though.”

“Me too,” Abby said, her voice gentle and honest. She leaned down to kiss you, deeply and passionately.

You stayed on the sofa for the next few hours, talking about school crushes and gay awakenings, about women constantly hitting on Abby and her being confused for a long time. She told you more about her relationship with Mel and you started to actually resent that woman. Who did she think she was? You told Abby about living with Leah and about your current research projects and she listened intently, asking a lot of questions about the art you were analyzing. You began diving into queer art and Sappho and your theory on the different languages of different social groups. Abby actually gave you some great new ideas and some good questions you couldn’t yet answer and you were actually beginning to look forward to writing tomorrow.

As the clock moved past midnight, it became clear you would have to leave at some point soon. Abby had to get up at 7 in the morning for a 10-hour shift, and you had stifled one too many yawns. You were cuddled up on the couch, kisses interchanging with long, deep conversations and more kisses.

“I can accompany you to the station,” Abby suggested as you looked up the departure times on your phone.

“You don’t have to. That’s sweet of you, but I’ll find the way.” You kissed her for her generosity, but she pulled back.

“Honestly. I don’t want you walking alone. I’ll go with you.” A sheepish smile appeared on her face and she did a tiny bow. “My lady.”

You rolled your eyes and got up, making your way to the entrance hall. Abby gently helped you into your coat and put on a black bomber jacket, a strange but hot combination with her fancy pants. She opened the door for you and you stepped out into the cold night together.

You held hands on the way to the station, stopping at every corner to make out, laughing together, and making plans for your lasagna night. You would come over on Thursday, promising to yourself you would finish all your coursework until then. Manny would come back on Friday, so you’d have the house to yourself again.

You arrived at the station way too soon, but your train was announced to arrive in two minutes. Heavy-hearted, you flung your arms around the tall blonde and she wrapped hers around your waist, lifting you up for another deep kiss.

“I can’t wait to see you again,” she whispered against your lips.

“I’ll even dress up next time,” you mumbled and she grinned at you.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in anything but jeans and a t-shirt. I’m excited.” Well, now you had to go shopping. Leah would be delighted to go with you.

You pressed a last kiss to Abby’s lips before unwrapping yourself from her arms as the train rolled into the station. As you stepped away, she caught your hand and pulled you back for another one, cheekily running her tongue over your bottom lip. You sighed and kissed her hand, wrapped firmly around yours, before stepping back and boarding the train. You waved at her through the window as you departed and watched her stand on the platform until she was out of sight.

Letting yourself fall into one of the seats, you pulled out your phone and texted your brother.

-We kissed!!!! Call me when you can

Then you texted Leah about shopping tomorrow, just able to send the text before your phone vibrated with a new message.

-You looked beautiful tonight. I’m the luckiest person in the world.

You tried to keep your squeal as quiet as possible. A woman a few seats ahead of you briefly looked up from her phone.

-Can’t believe I have a personal knight who will carry me wherever I want to go

The reply came in seconds.

-Anywhere and anything you want. Text me when you’re home!

-Can I text you before I’m home? I miss you already :(

You had to wait a few minutes before your phone vibrated again. This time, Abby was calling.

“Sorry, I was cleaning up and getting ready for bed.” She sounded a bit breathless.

“No worries,” you said. “What are you wearing for bed?”

Abby let out a surprised laugh.

“Really, now?”

“I’m serious. I want to imagine being with you.”

“Well, I’m wearing a gigantic black t-shirt with a ton of holes and boxers.”

You closed your eyes, envisioning Abby’s thighs straining against the hem of her shorts and the soft cotton of her shirt that you could bury your face in. She would smell like nature and like home somewhere far away.

“I wish I was there.” You noticed you were sounding desperate. Fucking hell, were you about to turn into a 13-year-old? You could hear the smile in Abby’s voice when she spoke.

“I wish you were here with me, too.” She paused for a moment. Then, “Do you want to sleep over on Thursday?”

“Uhm -” you had to think for a second, remembering you only had dinner plans for Friday with your mom. Before you could answer, Abby cut in again

“Fuck, am I rushing you? I didn’t mean - I just thought it would be nice, falling asleep together. But I totally get if that’s -”

“Abby! Of course I want to stay over!” You clenched your free hand into a fist, punching your thigh a few times in order to divert the explosion of energy inside your chest.

“Oh, thank god,” Abby’s shaky laugh was heart-wrenching. “I thought I messed up already.”

You stood up to exit at your station.

“No, not at all. I’d love to fall asleep with you.”

The way to your apartment was over faster than you wanted it to be.

“I’m home now. I think I should hang up, Leah is probably sleeping.”

“Yeah, don’t wake the monster.” Abby chuckled.

“Good night, Abby. Tonight was incredible.”

“Good night, Y/N. You’re incredible. Sleep tight.”

--

Author's note: Thank you so much for your comments and kudos! If you'd like to support me, you can buy me a coffee here

[hwangsies]

GALVANISING GREEN

(definition: galvanising (adj): to be affected by something as if by electricity)

pairing: slytherin!hyunjin x slytherin!reader

summary: hyunjin convinces you to break into professor longbottoms greenhouse with him at night, however he didn’t expect you to snoop around and get intoxicated by a plant that doubles as a strong aphrodisiac.

warnings: light angst, bad attempt at lining this up with the generation of harry and co’s children lol, somewhat involuntairy intoxication?, hyunjin is cocky, long flashback again(shocker!) smut as in: implied oral (f receiving), fingering 

6.2 k words,

enjoy <3

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(read part 2 here)

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"Psst" you furrow your brows as you concentrate harder on the essay you’re writing for your herbology class.

"Pssst" you hear from your right again as you shake your head.

"Pssssst"

"what??" You snap your head to the right to meet victoires green-turqoise eyes before she flicks a piece of paper at you.

'Open' she mouths to you before giggling inaudibly.

You roll your eyes at what your gryffindor best friend might've just wasted 1 good minute of your time on.

Normally you arent this persistent on getting things done instantly, but you know herbology isn’t something you’re talented at.

If there was a word to describe the opposite of a green thumb, you would use it to describe your talents in herbology.

Every plant you try to be nice to (ranging from harmless to deadly), has either died, attacked you or did nothing good for your grade.

So, already slightly pissed off, you open the neatly folded piece of paper.

Her handwriting is awful, and because she hexed it, the font dances around so it takes you a second to decypher what she had written.

Hwang keeps looking at you like you're his next meal, babe!

Once you read it, a scribbled version of the heart eye emoji appears below the words, slowly opening its mouth to have little drops of animated drool rolling down the paper.

You feel the blood rushing up your neck as you look up, across the long table you were sitting at and to the one next to it, where yours and hyunjins eyes meet.

His lower lip is trapped by his teeth, when he realises you are looking back at him, he releases the rosy flesh and chases it with his tongue before trying , yet failing, to hold back a grin.

You look at victoire next to you.

She grinns widely and whispers, almost completely inaudibly "attagirl"

At which you hastily shake your head and stick your tounge out at her before quickly gathering your things and leaving the big hall with victoires quiet snickering still in earshot.

If she only knew, you think to yourself as you rush down the hallway , pressing your books tighter to your chest.

~flashback to three days ago~

You groaned and let your forhead fall onto your herbology book.

'I hate this' you muttered to yourself in a , what you felt like, never ending loop.

"I feel that" you got startled and whipped your head up as a yelp slipped past your lips.

Hyunjin grinned at you before draping a cloak over the chair and taking a seat across from you at a small table in the slytherin common room; his own books in his hand.

You chuckled embarrasedly as you ran your hand through your hair, trying to make you look somewhat presentable for the handsome boy.

"Dont worry, i dont judge you" he smiled and plopped his books on the table as well "stuck on herbology too, huh?" He peeked over.

"Yea, professor longbottom is going to behead me" you joked "i dont get it, how am i supposed to write an essay about my experiences with magical plants when all i ever get them to do is...die, or nothing at all" you shook your head in defeat.

He giggled cutely as he gathered his chin-length blonde hair in a low pony.

You couldn’t help but stare at him, the way the yellowish lights of the doungeons illuminated his features was too perfect.

The feline eyes ,the blunt nose and his thick lips. In combination with his sharp jawline and dark eyebrows, it was easy to be intimmidated by his looks.

You kind of had a thing for him for a while now, but then again so had almost every girl in your year. Him and his best friend james were by far the most good looking guys in your year.

The difference between hyunjin and his best fried however was that his friend knew he looked good and liked it to be known and acknowledged.

Hyunjin was open-minded and sweet, aslo a little shy from time to time, but he also had his cocky moments, especially with girls.

So they weren’t that different, both being players and heartbreakers to a certain extent.

They were popular due to their success in each of their quidditch teams, hyunjin being the seeker for slytherin and james for gryffindor, following in the footsteps of his famous father.

They started out as rivals but became inseperable over time, successfully breaking the stereotype that gryffindors and slytherins couldnt be friends.

Nowadays the only things they’d get competitive about was quidditch and girls.

Even though hyunjin and you were in the same house and year, you didnt have that much to do with each other.

Due to him being more popular and, well, more talented in everything he did; but also because your friendgroups rarely overlapped.

There was this one time in the 5th year where you two were close to becoming friends.

He had asked you for help with his little cousin who had started dating someone you used to be friends with, around that time you noticed that you liked him for the first time.

In the end, his cousin broke up with said boy and you somehow lost sight of each other again.

And so the crush on him kind of faded into the background, it wasnt something you were always thinking about, but you knew it was there when you spoke to him or when he was too close.

But the stories that you heard from other girls kept you from imagining more with him.

"I dont even know what the last plant was that he showed us in class, i always feel like sleeping" he said laughingly, before opening his book and opening his pot of ink as well.

You chuckled softly in response.

You watched him for a few seconds, reading his book, scratching the back of his head and furrowing his brows while his lips pushed fowards in a pout so cute, you would be insane if you didnt want to kiss it away.

After what felt like an eternity, you looked at the clock to see it was already past 11.

Since it was a friday and you didnt have class the next day, you didn't jump into bed immediately.

"This is bullshit" hyunjin muttered and looked up "what the hell do i know about what this plant looks like, i dont even know how to pronounce the name" he groaned, slightly frustrated.

He pointed to the name written in his book and showed it to you “look”

"Oh, i think i've seen this name on a pot in professor longbottoms greenhouse" you recalled.

"Yea?" You nodded at him.

"Okay" he closed his books and stood up "lets go"

"Huh?" You looked up at him confusedly.

"Lets pay the greenhouse a little visit" he grinned.

"Have you gone mad? No way, do you know in how much trouble we could get into?" You asked rethorically.

"Chill, james lent me this" he held up a dark brown cloak.

"What is that?" You asked, just as unbelieving as before.

"His dads invisibility cloak" he answered quickly "come on, we'll stay there 10 minutes tops, i just want to see what that plant looks like"

"Okay, well have fun doing that, alone" you retorted.

"Noo, y/n i need you to show me to the plant, you know where it is" he pouted.

"Please" he was definetly using his charms, which is why you felt so stupid when you sighed an ‘okay’ after he begged a few more times.

You closed your books and got up as well, hyunjin quickly draping the cloak over the both of you.

"You go in the front, you're smaller" he commented.

"Allright" you muttered and moved in front of him.

"We have to be quiet when we go outside, or the fat lady is gonna snitch on us" you felt his breath over your ear.

"okay" you said shortly, getting nervous over the fact that he was this close behind you.

Once out of the commonroom you walked up the stairs managing to do so without tripping over each other and blowing your cover.

Once you arrived on the ground floor, you headed for the back door, which brought you to the garden and the greenhouses.

The moment you reached out your hand for the door handle, it got pushed open slowly.

Hyunjin pulled you back instantly and pressed himself with his back against the stone wall as he gripped your waist with one hand and held the other over your mouth because somehow he sensed how close you were to yelp out.

What he didn't know was how he made the situation worse for you because your back was pressed against his firmly built chest and your lower back against a certain bulge.

"shh" he breathed against your ear, so quietly you almost didn't hear it.

Mr filch groaned as he stumbled inside and fumbled at the doors lock, the door itself still wide open.

You felt hyunjin push against your waist slightly from behind to get you moving, so you complied.

Quickly rushing outside, you got startled at the loud bang of the heavy door falling close behind you two.

He removed his surprisingly soft hands away from your face, his body however didn't move an inch.

You slightly turned around to him in disbelief.

"now what?" you started freaking out, because how were you going to get back inside?

"what?" he asked back.

"how in the hell are we going to get inside again smartass? He locked the door" you gestured with your hand.

"alohomora?" he answered cockily, at which you flicked his forehead.

"you've been here for 7 years and don't know that that doesn't work on the main doors?" you asked infuriated.

"okay, chill. I know some other ways" he said calmly, still rubbing his forehead.

"what do you mean chill?? What other way-" he cut you off.

"just trust me alright?" you couldn't see him well but his eyes still sparkled in the dark.

So you just sighed.

"come on" he carefully pushed you forwards by your waist; you were pretty sure he would remove them after a few seconds but they stayed there until you entered the greenhouse.

He quickly discarded the cloak and threw it onto the big wooden table in the middle of the spacious house, next to a big book on 'advanced herbology'.

"lumos" you said, making the tip of your wand light up; hyunjin mimicing the same thing.

"now, where did you see this plant?" he asked you.

"uh, I think it was over there in the corner" you pointed to the other side of the house.

"okay" he mumbled and made his way over there.

You looked around yourself and looked at some of the plants, when you heard a thump of some sort.

You whipped your head around to look for hyunjin, you spotted him rubbing his forehead.

"nothing happened" he raised his hands playfully.

You sighed in relief "hurry up, and try not to kill yourself"

"why?" you could hear his grin "cause you'd miss me?" he snickered.

"no, because I’d wanna do that myself if we get caught" you retorted, at which he chuckled.

"ah, got it" he said, holding his wand closer to the plant in the far right corner of the house to get a good look at it.

Turning around, a shimmering dark green flower caught your eye, it shined as if it was reflecting the light from your wand.

You took a few steps towards the window sill, the mysterious flower was standing on, in an equally green pot, on which in a deeper green the words 'galvanising green' were engraved on.

It was sparkling, yet there was a glass dome over the flower; which was weird because no other plant had anything of that sort placed over them.

You thought it was so pretty: the way it sparkled, some sparkles leaning more into a teal color, others more in a deep grass green.The stigma, which was protruding out of the petals was pulsating in a dark ocean green, it was as if it hypnotized you. inviting you to free it and take a closer look.

Slowly you lifted up the dome.

"okay lets go" you heard hyunjin speak somewhere in the distance, but it was uninteresting because the flower was drawing you in and nothing else mattered.

"y/n what are you doing" he seemingly came closer, making his way through all the pots and plants standing around.

After placing the small dome on the window sill, next to said flower; you got closer to it with your face.

"y/n!" hyunjin sounded stern "you don't know what that is, stop it"

Still, you took a whiff of the sprakling plant and it felt like a punch against your chest as it flooded through your lungs, throwing you back instantly.

You gasped for breath as you stumbled backwards, right into hyunjins embrace as he leaped fowards to catch you from falling.

"shit" he slowly sat you down on the ground and got in front of you "fuck y/n" he patted your cheek lightly when you coughed.

He looked up at the plant and quickly got up, placing the small glass dome over it again, holding his cloak covered hand over his nose and mouth.

"galvanising green?" he muttered, reading the inscription on the pot before looking back at you sitting on the ground and holding your chest.

Crouching down to you, he held a hand onto your forehead "are you okay?"

You cleared your throat a few times "uh-mh- yea I think so"

He nodded, carefully holding up his wand to look at your face a little better; your cheeks were a little rosy but other than that you looked normal.

"normally we should go to professor longbottom if something like this happens, but he would kill us right now" he chuckled worrily before his gaze fell onto the big book on the table in the middle of the house.

"I'll just check out the plant to be sure okay?" he said, you nodded, smiling embarrassedly.

He got up and quickly got his hands on the thick 'advanced herbology' book, opening the heavy sides and turning the pages.

"I don't even know why I did that" you spoke softly.

"its okay" he said genuinely.

"no, I'm serious, it was as if it controlled me or something" you kept going.

"hmm" he hummed, clearly to busy looking for said plant in the huge book and not listening.

"phhuuuh" you breathed out after a minute of silence and started fanning yourself.

"is it getting hot in here?" you inquired.

"green...green" you heard hyunjin mutter "there it is!" he said.

Tracing his finger under the lines he was reading, his eyes widened.

"fuck" he mumbled to himself and looked over to you, you were plucking at your shirt to get more air onto your body.

"hyunjin" you gasped "im so hot" your breathing getting shallower.

"okay, uhm okay fuck" he repeated himself and reread the little part of the page again and again.

The Galvanising Green plant is a type of flower, first analyzed in 1987, this plant is very rare in Europe.

Its effect on humans is easy to depict. For women it is a strong aphrodisiac where as for men just a small amount of the pollen can lead to severe headaches and diarrhea.

Part of him was glad that he didn't have to go through headaches and diarrhea, but a different part of him would've preferred it; because now he had to handle an extremely horny version of you?

As if the normal you wasn't enough to make him feel some type of way.

He read a little further than that before coming to your help again.

"jinnie" you mewled as you started to take off your slytherin coat.

"stop" he held it up your shoulder "listen" he placed one hand on your cheek as he brought his wand up to your face.

Your pupils were blown and your cheeks were now completely flushed.That, and your continuous ragged heavy breathing told him that you definitely inhaled more than enough pollen to trigger this response from your body.

"what?" you breathed.

"it's a really strong aphrodisiac, that's why you're feeling like this" he tired to stay calm.

"huh?" your eyes widened "oh shit" you let your head fall back.

"how do I make it go away?" you asked breathlessly, grabbing onto his bicep.

"the book says you have to work it out of your system otherwise your body will go into a shock state because of all the pollen and hormones it produces" he tried explaining to you.

"huh?" you sounded again.

"come here, get up. We'll go inside first" you complied.

"what do you mean 'work it out of my system'??" you asked him as you left the greenhouse on shaky legs, hyunjin wrapping an arm around your waist to keep you from falling.

"well" he blushed as he looked down at the invisibility cloak, he had grabbed in the last second, draped over his arm "are you seeing someone at the moment?"

"uh-n-no?" one of your feet gave out for a millisecond but hyunjin caught you before halting you in your steps.

"was that a question or an answer?" he locked eyes with you as he draped the cloak over the both of you.

"a-mh- answer" you stuttered.

"okay uhm" he kept his eyes trained on the secret path back into the castle, james had told him about.

"I'll bring you to your chambers and you'll have to do it alone then" he mumbled.

"alone? What? Do what?" you breathed heavily, suddenly you felt a rush of warmth in your nether regions at which you whimpered.

"you have to..." he cleared his throat "well... work it out of your system" his eyes widened and his head snapped towards you when you moaned.

"y/n? you okay?" you had buried your face in his shoulder.

"shit" he mumbled "here we go" he pointed to a wooden door "just a minute and we'll be inside okay?"

"hmm" you whined.

You walked through said door into a tunnel you'd never seen before; normally you would've scolded him as to why he knew these kind of things but you had other problems right now.

Not a minute later hyunjin tapped onto the wall, which indicated the end of the tunnel, with his wand in a weird pattern.

But somehow it worked and another door appeared, leading the two of you into a small broom closet.

"you have to be quiet now" he whispered, you nodded your head as good as you could and bit your lower lip.

Leaving the broom closet, you stepped into the hallway of the seventh floor of Hogwarts.

"hyunjin, you cant just leave me alone" you whispered desperately when the same tingling warmth returned.

The pollen of the plant overtaking your brain so much that you didnt even care as to how that weird door brought you into a broomcloset that connected to hogwarts again.

"shh" he shushed you before speaking as well "y/n I don't know how else to help you"

That was a lie, of course he knew what he could do.

But that would be unethical; he didn't want to take advantage of you like that.

"you have to help me" you clawed at his coat "please" you whimpered and it went straight into his pants, which he felt guilty about.

Suddenly a door appeared a few meters in front of you, just a second after he'd spotted it, he heard footsteps from behind.

"shit shit, fucking shit" he ushered you to walk faster before quickly opening the door and rushing inside.

When he looked at the door from the inside, it disappeared; leaving only the brick wall.You had already ripped the invisibility cloak off the both of you.

Looking around this mysterious room, he spotted a luxurious king sized bed with nightstands on each side and dimmed lights; that's when he knew where you two were.

"no fucking way" he mumbled, having never before seen the room of requirement.

"hyunjin" his thoughts got interrupted by you dragging him at his coat and stopping right with your back to the bed.

"please help me" you looked up at him with big teary eyes, he could hear your heartbeat, that's how affected you were by the plant.

You discarded your coat, before pushing his down his shoulders as well.

"y/n no" he said, but his coat already laid on the ground.

He caught your wrists when you reached for his belt "y/n you cant think straight, you don't really want this"

"yes I do" you stomped your foot on the ground "I really do" you said quieter as you came closer.

"please jinnie" you freed your wrists from his grip and peeled off your plain black tshirt you always wore under the coat “this is your fault to begin with!”

His eyes stuck to your lacy black bra as you undid the button of your jeans and pushed them down your legs.

He felt his cock stir in his pants when your matching cotton panties were revealed and you stepped out of your jeans, kicking them to the side.

You took advantage of his slow reflexes and looped your arms around his neck "please" you whispered before attaching your lips to the skin under his jaw.

He swallowed hard "fuck y/n" his hands grabbed your waist, making you push yourself against him more flush.

"okay okay" he sighed in defeat, you looked up at him "I'll help you, but we're not going to have sex!"

"hyunj-" you started again.

"y/n I'm serious I don't want to take advantage of you" you swallowed and nodded, eyes big.

"okay" he ducked down a little and plucked you up from the ground by the backs of your thighs.

You squealed in excitement.

"Kiss me" you pleaded after he laid you on your back and slotted himself in between your legs.

His lips were slightly parted as he looked down at you, eyes scanning over your features.

"Okay" he whispered before pressing his lips to your.You instantly moaned into his mouth when his togue pressed against yours.

The next thing you did would've never happened if that plant hadn’t make you hornier than 10000 bunnies.

You took one of his hands and brought it down to cup over your core, mumbling a whiny 'please'.

Hyunjin hissed through his teeth when he felt how soaked your panties were.

He palmed your throbbing cunt roughly, shooting a spark of pleasure up your spine aa he encouraged you to rutt your hips against his hand.

"Oh my- hyunjin" you yelped out after he had discarded your panties and slipped a finger into you.

“okay?” he asked when feeling how tight you were, at which you nodded agressively.It was almost embarrassing how excessively aroused you were ; hyunjin however didnt have alot on his mind in that moment.

All he could focus on was how pretty your flushed cheeks were and how lost you were in the pleasure he was providing you.

His thumb found your aching clit and drew circles over it while pumping his middle finger into you.

"thats it baby, you like that?" He asked a little hesistantly, not sure how you felt about dirty talk, but seeing your chest arch up and hearing your whimpers only spurred him on.

"Hmmmh" you whined "fuck-oh" he looked down at you in awe when your pretty lips shaped into an o form.

"Fuck i'd love to taste you right now, so desperate hm?" He hummed into your ear, it sending straight into your core.

Your back arched off the bed and you clawed at his soft black shirt when his lips found your neck.

"Yes-yes fuck hyunjin-" you cried out when he started sucking at a particular sensitive spot, coming apart shortly after with yelps of his name, clenching around his finger furiously.

"Better?" He asked after a minute, looking down at you, you chest was heaving and a light sheen of sweat covered your body.

"A little" you said quietly.

"Need more?" He asked like the gentleman he was, gently letting his finger slide out of you.

You nodded poutingly as you ran your nails through his hair at the back of his head.

"What you said about tasting me..." you looked up at him shyly "w-would you?"

His eyes widened, would he?

He wanted to, really badly.

So, he heard himself stutter a "yeah" as you unclasped your bra.

The low moan that slipped past your lips when he sucked one of your nipples into his mouth made his cock stir in his boxers.

"you're so sexy" he mumbled against your stomach before suckling at the skin just over your belly button.

"take off your shirt" you pleaded, to which he grinningly complied

You moaned when you felt a new heatwave wash over you at the shight fo his toned torso; gasping when the blonde haired boy reinserted his finger into you.

"arh yes fuck" you groaned, grasping his hair when he started leaving wet kisses on the junction of your legs.

Feeling your arousal being at a height as if you didn't just get off again, you whimpered, realising he was teasing you as he switched between thighs.

"please don't tease jinnie" you pouted, he grinned at the nickname, he loved it but would never admit it.

"mmh- what do you want me to do?" he grinned up at you, his fingers moving too slow inside of you for your liking.

"use your mouth" you begged "please" he almost felt guilty for how much he liked hearing you beg for him.

"how could I say no to that pretty pout" he teasingly nipped at your thigh making you squeal.

-end of flashback-

Just as you speak the password to the fat lady and the door opens, you hear running behind you and a voice "hey! l/n"

Of course you recognize the voice, so you sigh and turn around "hwang" you say, plastering a fake smile on your face.

"you've been avoiding me" he grins as he catches up and steps into the slytherin dungeons at the same time.

"hmm have i?" you mumble, not looking at him directly.

"yea, even though you so clearly couldn't get enough of me two nights ago" he bites his lip and raises his brows cockily when you stop and look up at him.

"listen, I was drugged by a fucking plant okay?" you argue "and you even promised me to never bring it up again, so what the fuck do you want?" you ask.

"never bring it up with anyone else babe, I thought we could talk about how much fun we had together?" he reaches for your waist, at which you slap his hand.

"would you not?" you whisper "there are people here" he just chuckles at the way you blushed slightly.

"okay, I'll make it easy for you hwang, what do you want?" you stem you free hand on your hip sassily.

He breathes in as his eyes wander over your face before his lips curl into a smile and he reaches for you hand "come with me?"

You huff but don’t fight his hand enclosing yours "where?"

"somewhere we can talk in private" he states calmly.

So you follow him out once more, you should've known where this was going but only really realise it when he pulls you in a broom closet.

Books still pressed against your chest with one arm, you hiss "what the fuck? I thought you wanted to talk"

"chill miss goody shoes" he giggles before his eyes fall onto your books "gimme those" he mumbles, taking them from you and plopping them on the ground behind him.

"hyunjin!" you exclaim, mad that your books were getting dust all over them.

He just snickers before coming closer.

You involuntarily press your back against the wall because he’s closing in on your personal space.

"what do you want?" you ask him for the nth time, a little quieter this time.His hands find your hips as he wedges a strong thigh in between your legs.

"I missed you" he says quietly, the lighting in there is bad but you can see that his eyes are fixed on your lips.

"huh?" your breath was shaky.

He grins before leaning in slowly, giving you the opportunity to stop him, and when you don't, he presses his lips against yours.

You kiss him back without thinking, your hands finding their home in his long hair when he gently rolls his tongue against yours.

The grunt that comes from him shoots straight into your pants, you feel how he presses his body into yours; the thigh between your legs getting pressed into your sensitive core.

Moaning against his lips at the new friction; he pulls at your bottom lip with his teeth before moving down your jaw with his lips.

You let out a shaky breath when he reached that one spot on your neck, directly under your jaw.He smiles against your skin before sucking on the soft spot at which another moan leaves your lips.Growing desperate, you start rocking your core against his thigh more obviously.

Hyunjin releases the soft skin from in between his lips, grabbing your jaw with one hand as he looks down at you ministrations.

"need something, pretty girl?" he grins, the nickname has you keening; the friction provided by his thigh being nice but nowhere near enough to get you off.

"please" you just mumble before he kisses your lips again.

Together, you undo the buttons of your cloak before he unzips your jeans and slips his hand into your panties.

-

"w-wait, hold up girl, you're telling me you haven't had sex yet?" victoires gaze bores holes into the side of your face as she sits down across from you on your bed.

There was no way you couldn't have told her about this whole situation you had gotten yourself in.

"no!" you snap your head towards your best friend "we just did a lot of other stuff" you cross your legs to sit more comfortably.

"but I don't plan on sleeping with him anyway" you shrug your shoulders.

"why?" your best friend grins "I thought you were sick of being a nerd and a virgin"

"bitch" you tsked and smacked her calve that was closest to you "you're a nerd as well"

"yea" she snickers "but im not a virgin because I don't feel the need to only do it with someone I'm in love with"

"hmpf" you let yourself fall back onto your back "whats so bad about that though?" you ask more quietly.

"nothing" she lays down next to you "I'm just kidding...but does he know?" you shake your head.

"no, I feel like he'd just call me a prude or miss goody shoes if I told him" you mumble.

"well then he's definitely not the right one to do it with" victoire comments, you just nod.

-

The next morning you’re sitting in the big hall, chatting with victoire as usual, as breakfast was being served.

Suddenly you felt a woosh of air on your right as someone sat down in a hurry.

"hey l/n" you glace to your right to see hyunjin "hey weasley" he nods at victoire opposite from you and him.

When you look over at you best friend you see that james had sat himself next to her, grinning just as big as the blonde boy next to you.

"uh hi?" victoire speaks for the both of you.

"listen up, we graduate in a few weeks and graduation ball is soon as well..." hyunjin starts, still grinning from ear to ear.

You frown, victoire mimicing your expression, both of your gazed flickering between the two boys.

"..so??" she gestures with her toast in hand.

"so...how bout it?" james continues "let’s go to the ball together" he turns to victore before gesturing to you and hyunjin "and those two"

You giggle when seeing victoires face scrunch up in disgust before she flicks james forehead.

"eww potter, I'm not going to the ball with you, that'd almost be like incest. Plus I'm trying to get laid afterwards" you laugh at james shocked expression to your best friends words.

"what do you mean incest babe? Just because we've known each other for so long doesn't mean..." he keeps on rambling to your best friend as she stands up and turns to you.

"excuse me" she exhales annoedly, you chuckle and nod before she walks away, james at her heels, still talking.

"so what about us?" you flinch a little, almost having forgot about hyunjin next to you.

"uhh, I don't know" you say, looking down at your plate.

"why not?" he nides your arm with his elbow "we like each other" he scooches closer "we have fun together" lifting his hand and softly tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear as he speaks.

You move away from him "yea about that, I think we should stop" you quickly say before getting up to make your way out of the hall as well.

"hey" he catches up with you quickly "why? did I do something wrong?" you roll your eyes as you keep walking.

"I didn't tell anyone about us! I swear! A- and I think y-you know, you're hot, I'm hot; I think we'd look really good toge-"

"can’t you accept a no?" you suddenly stop in your tracks, frowning annoyedly as you tell him off.

"woah- hey I just wanna know why you hate me all over sudden" he looks hurt.

"I don't hate you hyunjin" you sighed "but I also don't like you; you play with girls like they're dolls and when you had your fun you throw them away and I don't want to be thrown away, no matter by who" you breathe in.

"okay okay" he holds up his hands in defense "first of all, everything I had with 'all of these girls' you are talking about" he quotes you, gesturing air quotation marks "was two- sided! They knew what they were getting into, I never lead a single one of them on"

"mhm I'm sure that's why they like you so much now" you speak sarcastically while crossing your arms infront of your chest.

"you're making it seem like I slept with the whole school y/n!... I didn't! just to be clear..." you roll your eyes again.

"Its not my fault when-"

"when what?" you feel yourself get angry "when they fall in love with you?? because you're sooo irresistible??"

"is it so hard for you to believe that I'm not that interested in you? Is your ego that big?" you caught yourself before you got too loud, staring into each others eyes for a few seconds.

When he doesn't react to your statement you turn on your heels, ready to walk away again.

"I kinda hoped you were actually" you stop, turning around to him again when he continues "because I actually like you"

"so that's what you call not leading someone on, yea?" you ask rhetorically.

"I'm not leading you on y/n I'm serious" he walks up to you again.

"you're only interested in me because you haven't actually fucked me yet, hyunjin" you deadpan and walk away for good this time.

-

"girl" victoire exclaims as she walks into your chambers, you look up from the homework you’re doing on your bed a few days later.

“how do you always get in here?” you ask, reffering to the fat lady being very strict with non-house members in the chambers.

“the fat lady loves me!” she shrugs her shoulders, plopping down on your bed.

"alright, what is it?" you look back down to finish writing your sentence.

"I just saw hwang in the hallway, he looked beat" she huffs "and with beat I mean way way  worse than the last few days" she eyes you scribbling something onto your paper.

"hm" you respond.

"what did you do to him?" she asks.

"what do you mean? I protected myself from being just another girl on his list" you continue writing.

"are you sure?" victoire persists "I mean whenever you sat next to each other in class, even after the plant incident...he seemed genuinely happy with you next to him"

"well, sucks for him I guess" you mumble, not looking up, instead turning some pages in your book.

You did feel sorry in hindsight, you shouldn't have talked to him like that. He had always shown you respect and you didn't reciprocate it.

It is just really hard to believe that he'd actually be interested in you, since he was well...kinda perfect at everything and you were just very mediocre at everything.

He is so good looking, and even though he calls you hot and pretty you yourself don't really believe it.

Like,... what do you have that he can’t find in a prettier girl?- "y/n?" victoire speaks up.

"huh??" your head snaps up at her.

"I said... are you sure that you didn't just push him away because you're scared of the fact that you may like him back?" 

-

(a/n: i was inspired by this jungkook fic i read on here like a year ago but i couldn’t find it for the life of me, all i remember is that it was called ‘golden hour’ so if anyone knows what im talking about please tell me so that i can give proper credit! thank u!...also i know the fat lady originally guards the gryffindor common room but i couldnt think of anything else loolll...)

[magireco]

Would love to hear more thoughts on how these girls have understandable teenage motivations (A+ tag analysis by the way)

1. Thank you!!!!!!

2. ALRIGHT IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS (shuffles my papers). i’ve gone off about homura’s motivations in depth before but i think it was only in dms/groupchats? anyways i’ll go in order with All the girls bc i think about this all the time as a teenager who grew up mentally ill and had their perceptions skewed because of it, and also i don’t think it’s talked about nearly enough for the others, at least on my blog... so, buckle up!!! this is REALLY LONG!!!! 

3. i tried writing like, an individual thing for every member of the quintet all together in this one ask, but i ended up talking a little too much about homura and now i’m going to split up all the different analysis stuff for each character into the reblogs and work on it every so often! you’re free to kinda skim of course because i really did write a whole novel but here we go!! read under the cut. :3 this is literally essay length btw. i did NOT expect it to get this long but if you want to read it all i’d recommend it but i don’t expect most people to

First: Homura Akemi

okay so i’m going to kind of summarize everything but from the perspective of empathizing with her so if you don’t want to reread a whole recap you can skip to the ending few paragraphs

Summary

first of all, in episode 10, homura’s past is explained for the viewer. she was a shy, unsure girl who had been bedridden for a long time. she was clearly unsocialized, not to mention she went to a catholic school and those can be brutal, esp in japan... that’s all we know about her in that episode, but it’s revealed in one of the drama cds that she was bullied as a child(& further at mitakihara middle), her parents never were mentioned ever (i assume them to either be dead or neglectful, considering she lives alone and unchecked), and in magia record, homura says to natsuki that she’s never had friends before, she hasn’t been on vacation before until the beachside bonds event, hasn’t ever celebrated valentine’s day, has never celebrated new years, etc... 

clearly, she’s missed out on a lot not only because of her sickness and hospitalization, but because of her isolation as a child at school. judging by her demeanor and the way she reacts when madoka comes up to her without being asked to, something like that had never happened to her before. it’s clear to me that madoka was many of homura’s “first’s”, her first friend, the first person who reached out to her, the first person to compliment her name honestly(validating her, disproving her dislike of her name), the first person to regard her so kindly rather than judging her based off of her appearance and demeanor (like other students had apparently done, this is also shown when the other students at mitakihara middle make fun of her for being tired after only being able to run one lap). AND, madoka (and mami, but homura knew madoka better at that time) saved her life, even though homura was so willing to die, just in that moment... i’d assume it made homura feel like someone believed in her even when she was at her worst. it’s really clear by the glimmer in her eyes that these are nice people that made her feel happy and welcome... and then walpurgisnacht came. she didn’t know much about magical girls and just believed in madoka and mami to be able to defeat the witch because she saw them as strong and saw the witch as defeatable, despite its size. and then mami died, right in front of her and madoka... 

this kinda seems headcanon-y when i phrase it this way but it’s practically proven in her actions but i really think homura is scared to be abandoned, especially by someone who was as overtly kind and nonjudgemental to her as madoka... it’s in the way she cries her name and says “don’t go” before madoka runs away to fight walpurgisnacht. OH ALSO, i need to address this one thing really quick because people like to assume that homura didn’t care about mami from the beginning and only liked madoka. it’s not that she wasn’t sad when mami died, she was clearly terrified and didn’t want the same to happen to madoka, also mami LITERALLY WASN’T IN HER CLASS OR HER GRADE so i assume she spent most of her time with madoka considering they were in the same grade and class and probably shared most of their periods with each other... but also, once again, mami is older than both of them and homura probably saw her as more of a mentor/teacher that she needed to impress rather than madoka who was more on her level, i guess?

anyways, moving on... homura had to see madoka die (& experience the crushing guilt she felt for “letting madoka go” even though there was nothing she could’ve done) and literally says “i’d rather you had lived than saved someone like me” ... her self worth is below zero. she makes her wish to be strong enough to protect madoka(because she sees madoka, her first friend, who saved her life which she felt had no worth, as so strong and noble) which causes her to go back in time, etc. etc., you know the deal. okay before i move on to talk a little more abt the timelines and the personality change i’m going to address why it’s reasonable that she’d be attached to madoka.

i mentioned before that homura said herself that she had never had a friend before. just like, put yourself into her shoes for a second. this girl has no idea how to make friends; it was never taught to her. it’s literally rational that she’d get attached to her first ever friendship. it’s not “normal” the way she views madoka, but how could it be? this is her first time having a friend, she’s afraid of being abandoned by her, but she’s had to see her die over and over again anyway. she doesn’t want to lose madoka. even if she doesn’t go about it in the right way, there’s no way she would’ve actually known how to Do relationships. no one taught her. i think that needs to be empathized with more...

i kinda feel like i need to summarize all this just bc if i word it right it kinda reminds you & puts into perspective just how terrible and scary all of this was.

anyway Again, i would skip straight to the end of timeline 3 (where a New Flavor of trauma is given to homura) but i need to first address timeline 2 for a second. it was homura’s first time repeating the timeline, she trained with madoka and mami again, she was still hopeful despite what happened, etc. kinda just bonding further with madoka Again... and then it’s at the end of this timeline that she watches madoka turn into a witch, just in front of her very eyes... and realizes the true fate of magical girls. when she resets the timeline again, it’s up to her to start anew and break the truth to the group when she sees them again. when she tries telling the truth, sayaka immediately shoves this aside, claiming homura was just trying to split everyone up. it’s clear that that hurts homura. (also the little shinies in her eyes were wavering which is anime-code for sad) her feelings were immediately disregarded by sayaka and she couldn’t defend herself, but madoka did for her, and mami tried to diffuse the situation. 

after they all find out homura was right when sayaka turns into a witch, mami kills kyoko and ties up homura in her ribbons and aims a gun at her, and this, rightfully, ignited a fear within homura... madoka is forced to kill mami in order to save homura, leaving only the two of them to fight together. then, when walpurgisnacht comes that time, The Promise is made... madoka tells homura to go back in time and save her from becoming a witch (because she doesn’t want to curse the world that way, she still sees beauty in it) and homura agrees, saying she’ll never stop until she saves madoka, and then... homura has to mercy kill madoka before she becomes a witch. she cries loudly and shoots madoka’s soul gem... it’s literally so heartwrenching and (usually) brings the viewer to tears, or puts something into perspective for them...

then we assume the personality change happens in the timeline right after. this personality change causes a lot of discourse because sometimes it’s seen as kind of irrational, but personally, i think even moemura had at least SOME resent for the world around her considering what she’d been through. it’s madoka’s repeated deaths that finally push her over that edge. i could get further into the coolmura arc but that’d take a WHILE, so i’ll just kind of explain something briefly though -- why homura ended up becoming even MORE focused on madoka. and i’m also going to debunk the claim that homura doesn’t care about her other friends as fast as i can before moving on.

also, ONE LAST side tangent, for those that think homura really did do a 360 degree personality turn are wrong. it’s shown explicitly in homulilly’s labyrinth that there’s this... “core” homura, a shadowy purple silhouette with braids. every time the series depicts homura’s internal self, it’s always glasses+braids, symbolizing her “child” self, who she truly is. she never stopped being that person. she doesn’t want to kill. ...but i can get into that in a rebellion analysis later! this is also shown in wraith arc bc the person inside her soul gem has glasses+braids. anyway let’s get to the next part i’m going to rant about

Homura’s Love for Madoka, but Otherwise Apathy

homura has seen many different, yet all similar, versions of her friends. the first claim i’m going to talk about which i saw brought up quite a few times before is in regards to homura and mami. first of all, homura absolutely still cares for mami, and not just in the “i only care about your life if it affects madoka’s” way. one part that always gets me is when mami ties her up in the series timeline after homura frantically warns her that this witch isn’t normal, to which mami IMMEDIATELY brushes this off, without even giving homura a chance. then, when mami’s ribbons fade away, homura looks horrified and just goes “oh no...” and it’s kind of obvious to me that it was in response to mami’s death rather than madoka’s reaction. this is arguably up for debate i guess because i’ve seen different takes on that reaction and it’s ambiguous, i guess? but i’m about to get into something extremely similar and that’s the sayaka situation, where madoka throws sayaka’s soul gem onto a moving car. homura gasps and immediately pauses time and disappears, running in literal open traffic and climbing on top of a moving car to retrieve sayaka’s soul gem. one could argue that this is ALSO only just because homura wants to save madoka (and kyoko) the fear, but don’t you think her expression would be different? if homura truly didn’t care for sayaka’s wellbeing, wouldn’t she be making an expression more similar to like, “oh, this shit again...” instead of the frantic one she was making in the scene? this kind of thing Also happens when kyoko asks homura to leave while kyoko’s about to sacrifice herself in oktavia’s labyrinth, and homura looks up sadly at kyoko and then back down at madoka, and once she knew kyoko was dead, she just quietly said “kyoko...” to herself. she usually refers to them as [last name, first name], but she dropped that during that moment... it otherwise sounds like a bare minimum thing to do, but keep in mind the timeline we’re shown in the series is implied to be like, the 110th timeline, i think? like, this is the last timeline, she’s worn down, but she still does have empathy -- or at least sympathy -- for the others. she still loves them. 

homura promised to be madoka’s protector, she dedicated her life to her, and also she doesn’t have a choice not to dedicate her life to her anymore, even though that’s not fair to her... homura is in a really hopeless situation and madoka is her hope, and madoka is the one that judges her the least out of the quintet (like saying “i’m sure homura is good” to herself) upon first impression. also okay i mentioned this already in my last post (which you saw) but i’m going to bring it up one more time, homura is not mentally 26!!!!!! she is still 14 mentally!! in order to be 26, you have to have experienced 26 years of new life experience. maybe you acquire that through school, maybe you aquire that through friends, whatever it takes. but homura just repeated the same month over and over, and it’s not like her body (canonically) ages ever. she just kind of gets transported back into her body in the hospital again considering she’s back wearing her braids and pajamas... so, yeah. no mental development there. i also mentioned this here but i’m gonna say it again, that just makes it even harder for her to actually age correctly... it stunts her to 14. imagine being 14 for 10-11 years...

In Defense Of My Own Claims

btw before you think i’m just going full-on radical homura apologist, i’m not explaining all of this to be like “homura made ALL THE RIGHT DECISIONS because her trauma gave her an excuse!!” because like, Obviously, she did a lot of bad things, she killed people, did a lot of callous things, a lot of thoughtless things, a lot of things that make her seem emotionless, etc. but i just have trouble blaming her considering how things ended up, and it’s not like she enjoys killing people. she’s not sadistic... she ends up becoming short with all the others not only because of her (extremely) weakened trust in them, but also because the amount of times she repeated the timeline. i’d imagine it makes her feel like the others can’t truly die because she can just go back and see them again. (this is also why wraith arc/post-tv series must’ve been hard for her because she can no longer turn back time, things are permanent now, deaths are forever) she’s become so worn down that she’ll do anything to escape the loops... also considering she has no choice but to continue? although it shouldn’t be, it’s technically her job as a magical girl to defeat all witches and walpurgisnacht counts. it kills magical girls and tears up the whole city and she’s usually the only magical girl left... her choices, when defeated, are either to give up and die or to go back and try again, and she made a promise to her first ever friend to do just the latter... i just don’t understand how this isn’t easier for people to comprehend, that all of this trauma and stress and responsibility on top of an already traumatized 14 year old does not mix well. ever. she had to figure out all of this by herself.

TL;DR:

homura was a previously traumatized, unsocialized 14 year old with (very)low self esteem & self worth whose first friend (and first love, really, let’s be honest) died in front of her in horrific ways and she watched as she (and the other friends she came to make) drifted slowly apart from her in her endless and futile attempt in saving her from what proved to be an inescapable fate. also she’s 14 and also she’s (canonically) mentally ill and a lesbian. not a monster, not evil, not “psycho”. and that’s that!

[mira--mira]

Another OOT question!

I know some people believe that Madara (adult) is misogynistic because of what he told Tsunade in the fourth war (about her being a weak woman) and that's a totally valid opinion! Taking into account that OOT's Madara clearly is not like that, I want to know what is your opinion regarding this. Personally, I think he didn't mean that because she is a woman she is weak, but that she is simply a woman and she is weak (like saying that she is a weak shinobi)

This got long lol

Honestly I've seen a few different theories, the "he's just a misogynist", the "Kishimoto knew he was getting backlash for how he portrays women so Madara said that and then Tsunade proved him wrong" (despite ultimately being beat), the "it was a mistranslation/comma theory and should have been read as 'you're weak, woman'" (I think is spiritually the same point you mention), the extremely creepy "well he hates women/doesn't like them this is obviously another hint he's gay" (which while this one is usually presented jokingly I dislike it so much. Male homosexuality has no intrinsic tie to misogyny and it just makes me so uncomfortable even as a joke.) However, my ultimate opinion is every character is some flavor of misogynist because Kishimoto is one and writes them like that in a mix of on purpose and by accident. This is kind of tricky because I don't know the man, I haven't consumed any content of his outside Naruto, and I don't make a habit of reading interviews or anything promotional about his writing process, so I'm reluctant to speak with any kind of definite authority but reading the manga or just watching the anime, in general, is just...terrible if you're focusing on how he portrays women and treats them like characters. This is a great essay that I like, but here are some main points that stick out to me about Kishimoto writing women.

First there are all the "missing women." By all accounts, ninja society should be split decently 50/50 on the sex ratio just like irl but...there's always one girl on a team of two boys. Besides Kurenai (and Tsume who's a special jonin but I'll count her) what prominent reoccurring female jonin do we see? Besides Anko what chunin? Count all the male characters you can and then the women and girls. Why are so many mothers housewives in magic ninja world with superpowers? Mikoto, Kushina, Yoshino, etc. How many of them don't even get named despite their husbands getting that basic acknowledgment? Ino's mom, Shino's mom, Choji's mom, Hinata's mom, Neji's mom, Gai's mom, Madara's mom, Hashirama's mom, etc.? Why out of every possible count of the Akatsuki is Konan the only woman (unless Taka is counted and then Karin is a member)?

Then there are types of women themselves. They're not allowed depth and most women's personalities can be divided by angry/shy dynamic as their main personality trait. They're always medics, always love interests, they never get to use their power to the extreme be taken seriously they're always handicapped by the narrative (see Konan and her powers as the biggest damn example of this). Sakura and Ino are the closest thing to actual friends two women are because there are so few of them in-universe but a big chunk of their relationship revolves around Sasuke. Even in that, women's relationships are ultimately dependent on men. Not even Tsunade is exempt from this. She never references Mito as an influence or major part of her character. Her biggest influences are Dan and Nawaki, her lover and her brother respectively. Her other influences were Hashirama, Hiruzen, Orochimaru, and Jiraiya. Shizune is the only woman she interacts with on a regular basis before Sakura but her story doesn't revolve around her relationship with Shizune, it's not even a major part narratively. Mei, the other extremely powerful woman with two kekkei genkai, who took over from Yagura and tried to restore Kiri's reputation from the bloody mist...is obsessed with marriage. Somehow I doubt if she'd been a man, that detail would have been kept.

I will not even begin to address the fucking mess Jiraiya is and how it's disgusting that he objectives Tsunade down to her body measurements and peeps on her in the bath all while claiming to be her friend.

And the saddest thing is this isn't just a Kishimoto problem. These are common things that are still present in media today. I hate the excuse "I don't know how to write women" it's just that, a lazy excuse. Ultimately I have no idea how canon Madara was supposed to come across with that line. I'm just not surprised or horrified by it at this point because there are so many other problems in the narrative.

OoT is my self-indulgent little fic where 95% of OCs of any kind will be women to try and drag that damn sex ratio back to even something decent and where all the looked over women will, at the very least, be given a fucking name. And I think I've mentioned in a comment or two on the fic, maybe even in one of the notes, but just in case I haven't it brings me sweet, sweet joy to headcanon the two most powerful men of their time, Hashirama and Madara, as momma's boys whose relationships with their mothers (especially Madara because of that line) cannot be overlooked or understated to understanding their characters in that AU. It's my fuck you to Kishimoto's way of handling women. And, I guess I'll announce it here lol, I'm reworking Kaguya's role in the narrative too and she's no longer getting scrapped in OoT because I'm going to make her make sense and work without alien bullshit and a flat female antagonist who appeared too late and didn't get proper build up.

[destinygoldenstar]

Thoughts On The RWBY Anime

Well well well everyone. We’re here.

After YEARS of fan wars and outcries, and bashing of the original product, the RWBY anime, Ice Queendom, finally exists.

And I’m sure some of you want to know how I feel about it.

I never knew what the fuss was about. I never knew fan’s desperation for an anime of RWBY. I thought fans were just being stupid. And above everything, I just assumed that if this supposed anime did exist, then it wouldn’t improve ANYTHING about the original show at all, and just be ‘oh, it’s the show except handdrawn’...

But OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS, I am dead serious when I say that not only does this anime improve the original story in nearly EVERY WAY, but this anime is probably THE BEST piece of media I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.

...

IN. MY. LIFE!

And you all know how much I’m not a fan of the original show. I have a ton of essays in my back belt on how terribly the show was handled. So if this anime just made the show watchable, I would have been satisfied. But this anime goes above and beyond just being decent, it does everything right. And I am So Happy that RWBY’s potential is finally being used!

First thing, the story has been completely rewritten from the original.

It was such a GENIUS idea to make the protagonist Whitley Schnee, instead of Ruby Rose. It makes PERFECT sense looking at the original show, because Whitley’s entity is basically a commentary on how capitalism and presidency can corrupt the young minds into believing they are invincible. Whitley is far more likeable of a protagonist this way, automatically, because his motivation is entirely different that of Ruby Rose. Instead of being a background flat character with zero motivation and gets excused for every terrible illegal thing they do, and gets no consequences for getting all their friends killed in war, Whitley just wants to save his company from being overthrown by his evil stepfather, and sisters, who are just, the worst! Instead of being seen as a monster by the people around him, and to his sisters, THIS version of the character wants nothing more than to bring the evil mastermind Noah to justice.

This is such an EXCLLENT protagonist, and I AM SO MAD THAT ROOSTER TEETH DENIED THIS WRITING GENIUS! CLEARLY, this studio only cares about the money and women rights.

Now, addressing the criticism of the anime I’ve seen from absolute IDIOTS online, is that it borrows too heavily from other popular media. The artstyle was clearly inspired by Madoka Magica, and the fight scenes resemble Pretty Cure, with Whitley being a magical girl and all of that.

Well, I’m here to tell you MORONS that those criticisms are INVALID, especially if you do the smallest atom of research. Dhar Mann has been working on RWBY since 1997, seven years before Pretty Cure, and a trillion years before Madoka Magica. Not only did Rooster Teeth deny Dhar Mann’s vision for RWBY, but Japan went ahead and STOLE his ideas for other shows, and Rooster Teeth instead gave us this broken, hollow, boring, meaningless product of Dhar Mann’s vision, that also went on RTX. 

There are ideas and styles from this RWBY anime that this anime did FIRST, and did BETTER. In Madoka Magica, they couldn’t even bother to make the artstyle even slightly unique, they just scribbled random junk on the screen with no symbolism to it whatsoever and called it a show. WHAT is THAT all about?!

In this version, Dhar Mann, the handsome genius PERFECT writer (and anyone who says otherwise is a one dimensional hater with no life) not only became the head writer of this RWBY anime, but he cast HIMSELF to play OZPIN. 

Talk about AMAZING casting, these two are basically the same character, completely, utterly PERFECT, who has NO flaws to their logic WHATSOEVER.

There’s also a lot going for Petra in this version. Yeah, instead of Weiss Schnee being seen as a hero, even though she is a spoiled brat since day one therefore can NEVER become a better person EVER, they had the supporting member for Whitley’s team RWBY to be Petra from Minecraft Story Mode. Yeah, and I thought I was the only one who cared about her and remembers this game. Oh, and in this team RWBY, there’s also Aguri Madoka from DokiDoki Pretty Cure, and Little Nelson from Ninjago. 

This is an AMAZING cast, and these teammate’s stories are a lot more fleshed out than they were with the original Team RWBY. 

You can really feel for Petra’s character and the pain she’s had to endure from her mercenary years and coping with Jesse falling to the Dark Side. Their rivalry is a tearjerker, let me tell you, because you can just feel how much history they have. 

Aguri is even WAY more likeable here, I mean, she was AMAZING in DokiDoki, THE BEST character in the ENTIRE franchise of Pretty Cure, but here, they flesh that out even further by having her contain the ability to turn into a Red Panda based on her emotions, a curse of a semblance unfairly placed upon her, but she learns to embrace her flaws and her emotional side and it’s such a compelling story arc for her as this child tries to learn about the hardships of war and adulthood through this alter ego. 

Yeah, Turning Red had NO SHAME in COPYING this anime, I know.

And lastly, Little Nelson. The BEST character in ALL of Ninjago has returned here, and much more fleshed out than ever before. You can feel his hospitalized backstory, where he’s trying to become a proper huntress so he can save the world and give the people a life he couldn’t have. He’s just such a sweet cinnamon roll and you feel for him with his naïve view on how the world actually works. 

It’s as if Cure Grace was actually a compelling character, where Healin Good flat out COPIED this, and there, they didn’t even bother to have her make out with Daurizen, her COVID CASE. GOSH, what a missed opportunity that was.

There’s even some amazing side characters thrown into the mix here, like Leshawna and Harold having an incredible tragic Romeo & Juliet love story. Mercury Black goes through such an incredible redemption arc where he overthrows his father to become the top assassin, but for the good side. This redemption arc is THE BEST redemption arc ever. (Zuko can get out) Nya is such a compelling Winter Maiden and you can feel for everything she’s lost ever since she gained the maiden powers in Ninjago and the loved ones she had to leave behind for the greater good. They even have the fish lady from Encanto have this whole subplot about her believing in fish reincarnation to get revenge on Bruno for killing her fish!

I don’t know how Disney gave Dhar Mann the rights to this phenomenal character, but I guess that’s why this anime is streaming on Disney + instead of Crunchyroll. I mean, it’s a little bizarre to have an anime be streaming on Disney +, but whatever works I guess.

BUT, I have yet to talk about THE BEST CHARACTER IN THE ENTIRE ANIME.

The VILLAIN, NOAH.

First of all, I cannot stress enough how much of a godsend it is to have one of the most wasted Total Drama characters be given a spotlight position. I think that’s incredible! And Noah, BY FAR, is one of the BEST antagonists EVER CREATED. 

It is SO refreshing to have a villain NOT be a twist villain of any kind, OR sit in the back and do nothing for ten seasons, and can instead just be an EVIL, BLOODTHIRSTY, GENOCIDAL MANIAC, WHO GETS THINGS DONE, throughout THE WHOLE ANIME. 

On top of that, he’s HILARIOUS as usual!

And on top of that, Noah is so layered as a villain as well. He’s not just evil for the sake of it. He genuinely believes that scheming for a million dollars by starting the Remnant war and creating the Grim is the right action to make for the sake of world peace. He has a belief that if this war kills everyone, then everyone will forever be at peace and never have to face the hardships of earth again.

He also has this phenomenal song where he reflects on his tragic past of failing to get a student council position in a single year, and how he went on his path towards destruction because of the bitter loneliness and insanity it gave him, as he tries to justify all the loveable characters he’s killing throughout the game. He and Dhar Mann make this song SLAP.

Oh yeah, there are new songs now. Not those trashy rock songs the original show made, but like, REAL songs. Rock is TRASH. And the songs make the forty episodes per season fly by greatly. I am FURIOUS that Rooster Teeth cut out these songs, they are SO GOOD.

My favorite song has to be the 7 hour long one with Petra singing about how Diamonds have been replaced with Netherite, and the minority conflict Diamonds now face in society. 

And I also love the ballad sung by the Great Sage from MiiTopia. I can’t believe Nintendo even allowed Dhar Mann to have this character, that’s amazing. And I also love how Dhar Mann took the time to replicate the CG and actually KEEP the Mii design for the character. Goes to show how much they CARE about us MiiTopia fans. I LOVE the Great Sage’s identity crisis regarding the many faces they have, and how their corruption by the Dark Curse pains them to believe they’ll be forgotten by the world, and that they’ll just be another soldier who dies for nothing.

Oh, and the song Neo sings about how she can’t speak, is PERFECTION. It makes me love Neo as a character, where originally, I didn’t care she existed in the original show.

But by this point, I REALLY need to get into SPOILERS for this anime, and if you want to avoid spoilers... maybe move to Antarctica or something, I don’t know. I am NOT going to leave a tag for you to avoid spoilers, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE ANIME BY NOW.

ANYWAY, yes, this anime is R rated. And I had NO idea why that was for the longest time while watching it. That is, UNTIL the ENDING, where Noah gets mauled by a Grim on screen, while also gets his flesh torn off by the ink acid. 

This is, with no contest, the BEST villain death of all time. 

Will this anime horrify kids? Oh absolutely, but it wasn’t made for them! This was made by REAL people, and REAL fans, who always believed that RWBY was good before Rooster Teeth butchered it. 

I will admit, I’ve been doubting it for so long. But now I see the light, and I have been blessed by the LEGEND that is RWBY: Ice Queendom. 

My only complaint is that we’re not going to get a season 4,300,893, where Noah comes back and defies Remnant itself, forcing Emma to have to defy and fight off her former lover. That would have been so emotionally powerful. But unfortunately, it’s not gonna happen.

Even with that, RWBY: Ice Queendom is MORE than enough for me. It’s a powerful, emotionally rich anime that will most definitely stand the test of time. It’s an absolutely PHENOMINAL experience that will leave you a changed person by the end. And I am so glad to hear that Rooster Teeth has cancelled the original RWBY show in favor of this RWBY show. 

DEFINATELY check this out. I know it’s $3,000,000, and I also made the Prologue of Danganronpa with Total Drama characters on Wattpad for free that I, for some reason, want you guys to check out also. But don’t be a fool and read that! Watch this anime instead! It’s so much better you have no idea! 

I give this anime a 1000/10. THANK YOU FOR THIS MASTERPICE.

[luminous-shifting-vibes]

*sequel* to actual fucking quotes from the shiftblr coffeehouse discord server

once again, it's out of context because x1000 funnier

also x1000 longer than previous post

"ur satan is gnc af"

"Bestie I’m already having gender envy over a fucking demon please"

"O_O ODEPIJHFbavevisdpvfhzdcnjawedsidjksjdkoeirjfmkdsoeirujdksodifjndmksoidfjdksidfj ITS" NOT IN MY FRAFTS IS SPEDNT 1 hour PN THAT SHIT"

"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"ohoho sexy"

"I am very proud of myself"

"himbo x edgy fuck"

"YOU COULD SQUISH HES CHEECKS"

"he has teefs"

"SQUASH"

"good for biting 📷"

"he's a himbo basically"

"B͂̒̄iͫ̍̈tͧ̓ͯè̄̇"

"bifth"

"i havent watched blue exorcist in years but mr okumura my beloved </3"

"MY LIFE QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED"

"is it important information to mention that the person i put up for my turn is the son of satan" "I know like 1 thing about everyone who isnt ranboo lmfao"

"crimes"

"tumblr sexyman"

"idk why but my first thought was cowboy onceler"

"I vibe with him but he is very long and twisty"

"steampunk e-girl"

"steampunk tumblr sexyman"

"Canonically bi crimelord I agree!!"

"OOO FRIEND SHAPED"

"ARTIST SIGHTED"

"they look like someone i would want to be friends with but is way cooler than me so i'd never actually talk to them"

"babby..... would die for him"

"honestly i probably kin him"

"i'm sure he's lovely but he looks way too much like my ex i'm sorry-"

"i'd be down for another rotation! i have another twink to show y'all"

"Also :00 blonde friend"

"Let us all infodhmo"

"Hsjagdvbs shhh im on phone"

"Nix woukd you like to joon?

"skitters away"

"I have two braincells and they both drink dumb bitch juice"

"oof wait whats the order again i have 0 memory"

"i want to bond with him over cosplay-"

"Awkwardly watches in band kid"

"One day I'm gonna a broadway star"

"which isnt to say they were bad. they were just fortnite dancing during rehersals"

"I threw it so hard my glasses flew off and slid under the stage right divider"

"anyway heres my boi"

"emo"

"haha emo"

"virgil sanders kinnie"

"he looks like he listens to my chemical panic at the fallout boy"

"Bro I bet he'd kick my ass with his deck"

"bird man my beloved"

"fuck i had so much to say and then i forgot it all"

"Birds!!"

"guiguhuh"

"crabrave"

"She sounds like someone I would end up stealing her personality"

"yess name collector gang"

"alias glass aiden haven absinthe fish brick rice"

"But I have Cypress, Remure, Genesis, Lemres, and Comet"

"And she's named after a mars candy bar bc alien"

"Hey, if plato went by plato, you can be king thief"

"im not dissing my gramma like that shfojd"

"My dad has seven legal names" "bitches be like *looks at fictional character* *steals their name* it's us we're bithces"

"coraline lowkey traumatized me but i adore it regardless"

"mmmmmm magic man :]"

"°0° green man"

"criminal (affectionate)"

"he would shoplift a candy bar from walmart and then brag to all of his friends about the sick stealing he did"

"despite the fact he's canonically been capable of overpowering a minor deity"

"i would commit so many crimes for him"

"Very babey"

"Yes please tell green man he is very pog"

"he also keeps a lot of dumb secrets"

"but I will sorely miss the chaos and energy of this here chat until I wake again" (by request XD)

"i just say words and if they're funny then they're funny"

"* or extremly chaotic either works"

"at this point we are just taking turns rambling"

"oH--"

"bc my brain has a schedule"

"Hopefully they have gyoza there or I will lose my mind"

"hehe yes spooky man"

"my ghost glucose guardian"

"the head of the undead group that lives there, and we end up dating. (yes I date a ghost, no I will not be taking constructive criticism /lh)"

"ghosts r just inherently sexy"

"i mean im becoming a squid thing so"

"Raven quirk raven quirk!!"

"ł â m p"

"łæmp"

"mothman: ooh lamp you look very nice today! do you come here often? mothman: wait shit no"

"I'd date a ghost"

"mine is still accurate, i am still sobbing (/j)"

"p e e p e e"

""@nick wilde is a tumblr sexyman" is the best thing i have ever seen"

"im sorry im cackling like a dying hyena"

"you're all 12 year olds"

"PEENIE"

"He once caused global warming on accident so he could get a tan"

"god, what a himbo. i love him"

"that reminds me of my friends kin assigned me jesus"

"Man outside of battle be like: princely crying but then in battle hes like: "CATACLYSM! DISASTER! DEVASTATION!" Chill out man"

"Every time I talk about satan it never fails to shock people it's my favorite thing to do"

"im kin assigning him roman sanders" ""Oh yeah he caused global warming because he wanted to get girls" "he what""

"oh damn i forgot satan was straight"

"twink appreciation club"

"give us the twinks"

"my first thought was bottom-"

"so many people to try and get his dad to love him"

"daddy issued"

"OH MY GOD ITS WILBUR"

"Big boy but"

"anyways janus is swagggg"

"........................."

"gib twink"

"give twink then i will share"

"holds him gentle like hamburger"

"This dumb bitch opened a book that said "do not open" and got possessed by a little bastard"

"he is. fragile creachur"

"klug is beauty klug is grace i would let him step on my face"

"If I'm playing swap and I have to hear one more "Pwanet Powew" Im gonna lose it"

"Who is to blame? Pandora or the box?"

"Bakugo isnt my type but I respect the drip"

"i say like my type isnt long-haired pretty boys and girls that look so gnc that people have a history of confusing them for men"

"hes a gremlin and i can appreciate a pretty gremlin"

"that is to say i am attracted to VFlower vocaloid. This is a confession."

"note i am a lesbian"

"You may like Schezo wegey"

"why does he have one single expression"

"soul soul eater passes the vibe check"

"magic wand"

"I Want To Hold His Hand"

"i would commit a war crime for him any war crime idc which one"

"my favorite one is when he sounded rlly gay because he said "Muscular bodies keep me satisfied""

"p e a n u t"

"Klug is a homophobic homosexual its just facts"

"grug from the croods is peak male performance"

"jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair Ahem, you look very lovely."

"tag yourself im the fireworks shooting from the top of the head"

"i like essays"

"central time gang"

"11:11 pog-" (wait... is that a suprise angel number?? yes it is lovelies just for you <3)

"Then again im also a dumbass bitch who wonders what the souls in soul eater taste like. SERIOUSLY THOUGH. THEY LOOK TASTY AS HELL!!!! LIKE GODDAMN BRO YOU'RE MAKING ME FUCKING HUNGRY. Like. that shit- it's Bone Apple motherfucking Teeth. hell yea my guy. Im hongy now.... shlorp I'm seriously considering this. Like. They seem kinda like a liquid? But a solid? Are they like jello? The fuck they taste like my guy???? I keep imagining they're like sour, like sour candy maybe? Or do they taste salty? Sweet? Maybe some combo of two? Do they even have a taste or is it about the texture? The sensation? God my mouth is watering what the hell. I am starving. I think I need to go get a cookie. I'm gonna go get a cookie. Brb. I'm better. I'm still craving souls though. Which is a weird-ass cringey thing to say but I'm being dead-ass rn. They just.... look tasty???? And I wanna eat one. Thus. I am shifting to Soul Eater for the express purpose of satisfying my fucking cravings. enjoy"

"points were made"

"jello? more like helloooo schloooAHFJDSDAIDWNALDHSJKDAIDANDM"

"WAIT I THINK I HAVE AN ANIME GIRL BITING VIDEO TOO"

"anime girl voice: mmm! mm... ahhhhmp!! mmm, mmm... aaahmp!"

"i think it sounds great i'm going to start eating like that"

"several people are typing"

"do these look edible to you"

"forbidden gummies"

"when I was on lsd I couldn't eat my fruit gummies because I thought they were alive because they had little faces on them"

"oh shit yeah don't do drugs"

"anyways general consensus is puyos are edible, ty for your input everyone"

"everypony is a word so powerful it can bring nations to its knees"

"pls the self control it's taking me not to say "hewwo everypony" in gen chat when someone new joins-"

"hewwo evewrypony uwu deaw cewestia i hopwe it doewsnt wain owo"

"ive cooked up a sowution wiwth the knowwege ive acwued. they say a kitcwen time saves niwne, but im just savwing two. Ive gathewwed the inwedients to make a time sowbet. Thewe's hawdly woom fow seconds when the seconds mewt away."

"I had a ten year old sister... you know what happened to her??? very sad, very tragic... she turned eleven....."

"NIIICE"

"Guts dont say the secks word :( /j"

"watch your fucking language in front of the president"

"im so sorry lumi"

"i think you're like ehhhh 8/10 funny"

"now me???? 10/10. Hilarious"

"sometimes i have to take a step back and remember that this is the same guts i follow on tumblr /lh"

""ok every here's some good shifting advice!!! uwu have a good day" "yeah i did lsd and ate fruit gummies""

"i have one setting and it's whatever this is"

"my bitch ass cat just pushed the door open with his fuzzy face and now my sleeping dad is being lulled into dreams by Cosmo Sheldrake's 'Pliocine'."

"me on discord: nick wilde"

"me on tumblr: shifting water! haha funne! me on here: my hermit crabs are cannibals also i want to eat souls."

"im sorry yOUR VIBESA RE JUST SO DIFFERNT"

"u give off older cousin ive never spoken to but always admire at the family gatherings vibes"

"what the fuck"

"BC I HAVE LIBERTU"

"If you adopt me then yes"

"am I qualified for dad jokes???"

"we're all a lot smarter on tumblr"

"I'm like "awww... sweet... sweet little shiftlings... posting such sweet shiftling content... so pure, so wholesome... does not even know abcs....""

"can't think before you speak if you never think B)"

"I'm not responsible enough to be a mom"

"cat pet"

"show us pictures of the cat or i will do Crime"

"maybe thats me being a coward tho"

"MOTH!!!! MOTH MY BELOVED"

if y'all want I can make this a series bc shiftblr keeps giving me more content

[silvermoon424]

What do you think of the interpretation that Homura was never a good person at all and that's why the Rebellion ending was great? I personally don't agree with it, mostly because Homura usurping Madoka wasn't the original ending anyway (and was just a cash grab) and also because I feel that ignores how Homura put herself through torment for the sake of one person who made her promise to do it.

I think I know the video you’re talking about, but I haven’t seen it (and don’t really want to from the title alone). 

But yeah, Homura is not a bad person. She’s deeply flawed, but at her core she is a good person. She’s even more of a good person before her extensive trauma hardens and embitters her. The anime and Magia Record (and some of the other spinoffs) portray her as a kind, shy, compassionate girl who genuinely cares for not only Madoka but the other girls as well. 

For many of her do-overs she did try to save everyone, but eventually came to the pragmatic conclusion that it was impossible to save everyone (or even most of them, specifically Mami and Kyoko who were already magical girls and therefore doomed sooner or later) so she was better off focusing her efforts solely on Madoka. It’s not like from the very start she was like “I only care about Madoka, fuck everyone else,” she only came to that conclusion after God knows how many time loops of trial and error. Homura of Magia Record (and other early timelines) has not given up on the other girls and wants to help and be friends with them. She still cares about Madoka the most, but she values and cares for Mami, Sayaka, and Kyoko (and in Magia Record, some of the girls of Kamihama) as well. 

And even after Homura becomes jaded and bitter, she is still driven by her love for Madoka and the promise she made to her. I could write a 30 page essay on why that love is not entirely selfless and pure (basically, I think that Madoka basically became Homura’s symbol of sanity/purpose the reason to keep going so she wouldn’t fall into despair, but I digress), but she still does primarily value Madoka’s safety and happiness above all else. 

Hell, all you have to do is look at Rebellion itself to see that Homura is fundamentally a good person. In her “ideal, perfect world” (Homulilly’s barrier), it wasn’t just her with Madoka all to herself. She was also friends with Mami, Sayaka, and Kyoko and did her best to make them happy and fulfilled too (Mami has Charlotte/Bebe as a companion, Kyoko lives with Sayaka’s family, etc). She was also back to her Moemura persona, implying that that’s the self she wishes she could be, not the aloof, jaded Coolmura persona she puts on. Deep down, Homura just wants to be friends with everyone and live happily with them in a world where being a magical girl isn’t a death sentence.  

I’m not in the “HOMURA DID NOTHING WRONG” camp, because she’s made a lot of mistakes, but I also don’t like it when people demonize her. She’s very flawed, but that doesn’t make her a bad person.