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arthurflecksgirl · 3 years ago

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The sound of him

Arthur wants to share a special kind of song with his one and only

Word count : 1700

Warnings: None

Fluff, Romance

....

"Turn off the music“ he whispered softly into your ear. His voice layered with a tone that you could only picture as a warm orange intimacy twirling between your bare chests. His words came as a surprise, knowing what a huge part music played in his life. „Yeah“ he breathed, his morning breath lingering upon the most sensitive part of your neck. His voice sending ghostly shivers down your spine. A tickelish sensation, warm and familiar across your touch starved skin. „I guess I have to stand up then“ you replied, knowing it would hurt to even change your postition. All curled up into Arthurs arms…. It was your coocoon,his naked skin your safety blanket….Just the thought of leaving this bed and getting to the radio to turn off the oldies playing that kept playing in the background was too much. You didnt even dared to move. Too afraid of losing this moment of intimacy with him. The only movement you would allow yourself was to barely open your eyes, just enough to get a glimpse of his soft curls falling upon the pillow ….just a glimpse through your heavy eyelashes. To convince yourself this wasnˋt a dream. He was here. With you. His fragile body exposed in all itˋs beautiful vulnerability.

„Just do it please“ he mumbled quieltly „Itś not like Iḿ going anywhere.“ The mischiveous smirk resting on the corner of his lips still managed to make you blush. Especially when you couldnt see it with your eyes but feel it against your skin. You finally opened up your eyes. The bedroom wasn´t as dark as you expected it to be. It was only early in the afternoon and the thin curtains on the windows werenˋt enough to keep the light out. You shifted your body to get out of his arms, which felt wrong in any possible way. You laughed at yourself of how ridiculous this must have sounded if you told anybody. That the simple act of leaving bed to get to the other side of the room felt like seperating yourself from him for a moment. To you his embrace was your root, your one and only place to stay and spent your life.

You walked up to the radio, wondering why it wasnt placed on the table right beside the bed ,where the lamp, the ashtray and all sorts of postcards of the california beach were. It was Arthurˋs dream to go to California, maybe even move there one day if he had earned enough money as a stand up comedian. He always held this dream close to his heart but to him there was no point in going there alone. He needed a hand to hold when he walked along the beach. Someone to lay his arms around when he would watch the sky change itˋs colors as the evening called. Someone to listen to his whispered singing underneath the palmtrees. And now that he had you in his life , he knew that California wasnˋt only a dream anymore. It was a goal. One day the blue skies wouldnt be just an image on a postcard beneath his bed, on his fridge or by his make up table. It would be the place to make love to you all night.

Arthurˋs drowsy smile remained unseen by you as you turned the sound off. Still wondering why he would ever be bothered by that. This just wasnˋt him. Usually Arthur loved listening to music when you crawled into each others arms and disappeared under his favourite blanket, to hide from the fact that ouside these cozy looking windows there was Gotham after all. A city so unmercyful and cruel , the worst crime the city had to offer was the fact that over thirty years ago this wonderful soul , this small and innocent baby called Arthur Fleck was born right in the middle of it. A bright light born into an envoirement of cruelty and heartlessness. Raised by people unable to love him. Yes, Gotham was famous for his high crime rate. But to you, Arthur being raised here, raised to be a lonely man, was what hurt most about this place.

The day you met him you knew that your purpose was to re write the story of his life. To make the lines beneath his eyes visible by making him smile, instead of him going through his painful laughter. You wanted to write Haiku's on the lines you discovered while kissing his body a millionth times when he wasnˋt able to find some sleep at night.

Silence now filled the room and you turned around to see him lying on his bed. It used to be his mothers bed and in the beginning it felt wrong to feel at home on a funiture that had seen so much hurt. But since you both didnˋt had a lot of money you somehoe managed to make his old apartment your own hiding place. Walls that used to feel like a prison in the past now became a protection for a couple so in love with each other, the building rose from itś own ashes and finally had the chance to be home for someone being happy together. It was one of those stories that had been re written by fate.

„Arthur, are you okay?“ you asked while your body felt relieve falling back into his arms. His baby hair tickeling your ellbow. „Sure, why would you think Iˋm not?“ the back of his hand brushed gently across your left cheek. „Because you never want the music to stop. It just seemed so….oh itˋs okay. Nevermind.“ For a moment you felt silly for even asking him this. He might not wanted to talk about it right now. He would when he felt ready to tell you what was wrong, he just needed some time to sort himself out first ,like he always did.

„Iˋm alright. I only want you to listen to our own music this time…“ He gently took your face between his hands and pulled you closer to his chest. As if he wanted to make sure the following kiss was felt with your whole bodies. Arthurˋs familiar taste filled your mouth. His breath fastening with every twirl of your tongues. You loved how warm the palm of your hands felt and how his thumb was slightly brushing the spot beside the corner of your lips. He was the most romantic kisser. Always making sure to show you that you are his one and only person, the only one he ever kissed and loved. The only one he would share this kind of intimacy with to get a taste of him. The only one who would get to know Arthur without his masks of protection,who would get that real smile out of him. The real laugh. Because around you everything was possible. Even happy tears.

Your lips parted and the familiar dizzyness set in. You never wanted his taste to fade.

„Our music?“ you whispered. His hands still holding your face, so his eyes couldnt do anything else but piercing yours. It was all hidden there. Behind his eyes. How beloved he felt for the first time in his life. How seen and understood by who you were. Arthur nodded „Just listen!“ he said „There is music in the silence. Itˋs inside of me. I can feel it when our bodies enterwine“. You felt the tip of his nose now touching yours. Rubbing it from the left to the right. This is what you call an Eskimo kiss. „And when I hear it…. You can hear it too“ he added, brushing a strain of hair out of your face "Because we are one".

You focused on the silence, the still of the room. There was some background noise. The traffic out on the streets, one of the neighbors arguing. But all of this would remain unnoticable in am blink of an eye.

„Iˋll show you“ Arthur smiled when he saw the sudden confusion in your eyes. He shifted to place himself above you and lowered himself just enough to make you feel the weight of his body. Knowing he was right here with you was all you desired but never enough. You craved his body with all your senses. You wanted to smell his hair and inhale every scent that was lingering between his curls. The faded smoke of his cigarettes, the flowery scent of Prell shampoo, the sweetness of his sweat and remains of grease paint that got caught up in his hair while doing his clown make up. But despite all of this physical love that you wanted to share with him there was more. More to desire. Often you imagined the both of you to be bodyless, to just interact by meeting each other at a place where pure consciousness existed. And instead of feeling the weight of his body, you would just feel him floath into you. His soul melting with yours eternally. Time would be none existing. Making love would never end.

Arthur started moving while his eyes stared into yours. So in love and at peace with himself. You felt him reaching your insides as he started humming into your ear. His little voice so quiet, almost shy, making you vibrate at your most hidden parts. You wrapped your arms and legs around him like your life depended on it. Making sure he stayed in place. His happy place. You.

There was no world left but this moment. No air to breathe but the breath escaping his half opened mouth. Always ready to kiss you more deeply. To humm the melody that was stuck inside his head since the day he met you.

„Can you hear it?“ he moaned softly.

„I canˋt just hear it, I feel it in my veins.“

Arthur kissed along your collarbone , making you shiver while the longing inside your chest was growing „Do you recognize it? The music?“

„Yeah“ you whimpered „Itˋs you. All of you“

Arthur leaned in for the deepest kiss, your fingers tangled up in his soft hair. And just like that there was music. All the way inside.

@jokerownsmysoul @ajokeformur-ray @iartsometimes

#joaquinphoenix #joker #arthur fleck #joker movie #dc #joker 2019 #arthurfleck #joker arthur fleck #arthur fleck imagine #joaquin phoenix joker #arthur fleck fan fiction #arthur fleck fanfic #joker fanfic #joker fanfiction #arthur fleck imagines #joker imagines #arthur fleck fanfiction

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captain-jinguji · 5 years ago

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As promised, I made Ren suffer tonight.

More Than a Broken Heart ( JINGUJI REN x Cheater!READER)

They say that the first few months of a relationship are the happiest because the two people in it are in their honeymoon phase and fail to see any flaws. They ignore any red flags and any wrong doings from their partner. Instead, they lay in each others arms and talk about the future like it isnt the most uncertain thing in the world and ages away. They talk about how much their hearts swell in each other's presence and the kind of happiness they give one another. How much they could kiss each other's lips for hours on end and how their hands fit together like theyre meant to be. There's always that air of uncertainty when someone flirts with the other and an air of puppy love thats surely to never leave their heads. Ren felt just that with you; this seemingly never ending honeymoon phase that brought stars to your eyes and love to your soul.

He remembers the subtle touches and the soft flirty phrases whispered in each other's ears at the beginning, and the lifelong adventures that you guys seemed to go on. From running on the beach in the middle of the night, chasing each other in the sand like little children and tackling each other onto the still hot ground, to rainy afternoons when you guys went to get coffee and you forgot your umbrella; a cliché movie scene he will make sure to seal with a kiss. His brain floods with images of pranking his bandmates and laughing at Masato's angry face when a bag of flour got poured over him or 'accidentally' washing Camus' sparkling white pants with a bright red t-shirt right before a very important event he had to go to. But he also remembers the soft first kiss that finally broke through both of you guys' feelings, how flushed your cheeks were and how warm you hand felt in his hand.

Most importantly, he remembers how you made him feel. The warmth and love he craved for so long came flooding into him like a tsunami every time he was around you, every time you touched. How your laugh rang in his ears like the bell of an old church, and how his shirt caught all your tears. How he was always there for you because he felt like that is the least he could do after you gave him not just your love, but your time and patience. He listened to all your problems, made sure you felt needed and important and loved back. Yet it seemed like it was never enough and this time he was the one crying.

Ren was angry. He felt betrayed. Used. Dirty. But most importantly he felt hopeless. He made a decision a long time ago; that you were the one he was going to marry. That you'd be the one to stand by his side for the rest of your life. That he was the one to keep bringing a smile to your face. He would be the one to get your heart beating and your cheeks flushing. Ren would make sure that you're taken care of, in every sense of the way. That he would be your knight in shining armor, no matter the challenges you guys might face. But how could he still be all that?

To see you, in a sea of rose petals and candles that he set up for this oh so special occasion, looking as beautiful as ever, with another man, crushed him. He simply had gone to get a bottle of champagne to celebrate, because he was so sure that you'd say yes, so sure that you'd be the one to keep making him happy like this, so sure you were the one that he wanted to keep loving for the rest of his life.

Seeing another man balls deep inside you, giving you the pleasure that Ren thought only he could give you,.... It crushed him…. But he didn't fall to his knees. No. He wouldnt give you the satisfaction of seeing him like that. Instead, he threw the champagne bottle at the wall, barely missing both of you and your apparent new lovers' heads, which were now turned in shock to look at him. He saw your lips moving, forming apologetic words, but he didn't hear them. He couldnt hear them.

Ren stormed out of the apartment that night, the diamond ring thrown at your face and long forgotten. He ran through the storm filled night that so much represented his feelings. The feelings of anger… of sorrow… and heartbreak.

He went back to that liquor store… his new best friend, and bought himself several bottles of different things; vodka, rum, red wine, white wine, tequila, bourbon… anything he could get his hands on. Some liquids entered his body, some bottles were thrown at his walls with tear stained eyes and desperate screams. He was gripping his hair, knowing if he pulled just a little harder he'd pull himself apart. Bruises and cuts covered his knuckles from where he hit the now bloody walls and broken glass bottles, clothes were in disarray on the floor, his life was a mess.

How could someone that he trusted, that he oh so much loved, do this to him? How could someone break his heart into these tiny pieces and stomp on them like it was nothing? Was this payback for all the pain he, himself, caused? The irony almost made him laugh, made him drown himself in another couple bottles.

Days passed, weeks went by. Ren has barely slept; kept himself awake and numb on hundreds of different alcohol bottles. His living space was unrecognizable. Walls were stained with various glass, liquids, and blood. Picture frame were broken. His voice was gone from all the screaming and crying. Hookers left his apartment on the regular. His friends were worried. Even his family attempted to reach out to him to no avail. No one has seen him or heard of him. And he cant say he will ever step into the light again, because Ren Jinguji is gone. A faint picture of the past.

A picture you took with you the night you decided to break him.

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blookmallow · 5 years ago

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i finally rewatched Us watching for details... I also took a bunch of screenshots, I’ve mentioned before I live in santa cruz and grew up going to this boardwalk so im obsessed with this movie, I’m going to go try to take some better comparison shots sometime (here’s a few I took before) (and here’s a Tethered mannequin that was outside of the frightwalk for a while. i havent been inside for ages so I don’t know if they moved him inside or if he’s just gone now) (i HOPE they did something with the theme considering the frightwalk is literally a horror attraction beneath the boardwalk. i dont really want to go in there by myself though lmao. not a fan of animatronics jumping out and screaming at me)

this is a lot, i have many things to say

-----------------

- the opening news segment is 11 at 11

- you can faintly see adelaide/red’s reflection in the tv screen, with a toy rabbit (her shirt also has twin lines on it in multiple places but that could be looking too far lmao)

- in the “Hands Across America” segment (aside from the obvious red figures linked together in the logo) : “from the golden gate bridge to the twin towers” another possible 11/twinning, and it starts in california, which is where the tethered revolution begins

- on “from sea to shining sea” the exact same coastline image is just flipped

(there’s also another 11 on the side of the TV here)

- “This summer, 6 million people will tether themselves together”

- brief mirroring in the boardwalk ad, not just two girls running on the beach but also two girls with upside down reflections in the ground,

- fairly obvious one, but “find yourself” (as a sidenote there’s nothing in that spot irl, the roller coaster and the swings are real but there was never a ‘vision quest’ or a ‘merlin forest’ as far as I know and there’s no door or anything there either, the interior shots must’ve been done separately somewhere else) (nothing’s left here from the movie now either, I have no idea when they filmed it because I never saw anything or heard anything about it)

- adelaide/red whistles “the itsy bitsy spider” when the lights go out in the vision quest - “down came the rain and washed the spider out,” it’s raining outside when her tethered comes up (and she is dragged down). she also drops her red apple on the ground before she enters

- zora’s rabbit shirt

- everyone else is eating fast food of some kind, except adelaide, who is eating red strawberries

as well as being a visual cue, its possible she has an aversion to meat if she was forced to eat raw rabbit as a child

- young adelaide arranging animals in the sand (it seems like some of the tethered tend to mirror their counterpart’s movements, so it’s possible she’s mirroring red, though it’s probably not that likely she’d be planning this early/the dance hasnt happened yet so its probably just foreshadowing)

- young adelaide very pointedly watches “her” mother crying, saying “I just want my little girl back” - she will never have her little girl back again, though she doesn’t know it (I’m not sure if adelaide still remembers what she’s done at this point either)

its also mentioned that ‘grandma’ has passed away as of the present time, likely adelaide’s mother (i dont remember if its stated outright but since the house belonged to the grandma, and it’s in santa cruz, that would line up) so. the tethered mother, if she’s still alive, would not kill red’s real mother in the uprising. dont know about the father, or if red knows/cares about this, but. thats there. that also means the original mother will never know what happened with her daughter (likely the father won’t either, it’s not clear if he’s still alive but there’s no mention of him being around/he’s not at the house so it seems likely he passed already too)

- adelaide, her reflection, and a (not so) itsy bitsy spider

theres even two spiders, one a toy, one real

- jason crawls out of a cabinet at zora’s feet and scares her while she’s looking in a mirror (which is also a very pluto-like movement)

- adelaide finds the toy rabbit in a box; assuming the intro was chronological, we saw “her” with it in the tv screen reflection before she went to the boardwalk, so this was red’s rabbit first (she probably does not remember this, though) (red also later finds this and cuts off the head, not sure why though)

- adelaide “sees” her child self in the room with her (in her memory) learning her dance alongside her reflection

but the reflection is the one she “sees” looking directly at her

(she’s also interrupted by hearing her son, above her, screaming because he’s trapped, but that might not be intentional) (though when red comes down here later, she is also interrupted by her son getting stuck in the closet too)

- she’s also wearing a choker necklace with a matching gold bracelet, maybe an allusion to. the choking and the handcuffs, again i might be looking into it too much, but. the white clothes which steadily become red with blood seems very intentional so i wouldnt be surprised if the jewelry was planned specifically too

- its really hard to see and its a split second throwaway comment but kitty goes “oh isnt that beautiful” showing her the magazine and i thhiiiink thats a white girl in a native american headdress :’ ) probably doesnt have. much deeper meaning other than ‘clueless white friends’ but

- guy buried in sand comes bursting to the surface again and scares his friends (also eyyooooo you can see the wharf in the background im down there all the time) (sorry this is still wild to me. i grew up here ive been to that beach like 9 million times)

- i didnt catch it and was waiting for it to be shown again and it wasnt and i dont want to go back for it but anyway jason has a drawing of a bunch of people holding hands in a line like the hands across america thing in his room, theres a lot of drawings around and we see his drawing of the first untethered, so he probably drew that as well

- jason has a hard time communicating, but he seems to use drawing as a way to express himself. he doesn’t tell his mother about the encounter with the old man (and only shrugs when he’s asked about it) but he does draw it. adelaide found self expression through dance when she was a child before she was able to talk, so he probably got those traits from her. her voice also goes low and hollow on the line “I just didn’t know if you were lost, or... taken”

- her voice also gets very strange when she’s talking about her memory of the encounter in the vision quest. low, shaky, harsh. its fascinating hearing how much alike the voices are (obviously they’re both the same actress/if the tethered are clones it makes sense that they’d have identical vocal chords but like. red’s got a fucked up voice. hearing echos of that in adelaide is wild and i didnt notice it at all before)

- its not clear whether adelaide actually remembers what she did, or even realizes she was the copy - is she trying to protect her family from what she believes was the girl who almost took her, or trying to stop her from getting her revenge? she describes the event to gabe as if she was the one who was attacked but escaped, and im not sure if she’s lying or has convinced herself that’s the truth

something’s going on with jason and pluto too but I don’t quite know what it is. when we first see jason he’s wearing a Jaws shirt, kind of a similar vibe to the thriller shirt, and when the tethered arrive he’s wearing a white tuxedo t shirt, white matching his mother’s white outfit. the others all go off to kill their doubles but pluto holds jason’s hand, sits with him quietly, watches his magic trick, he’s told to go “play” which. obviously has a violent undertone to it but he doesn’t actually try to kill him. i dont even remember seeing him with the scissors. why are jason and pluto different. why does pluto get stuck mirroring jason’s movements even to the point of his death but the others dont. why didn’t adelaide mirror red

i guess its possible its because pluto is the youngest in the family so maybe he hasn’t broken out of his connection yet? they didnt really ever explain how they learned to do that

and as for the connection with adelaide it. could just be that jason takes after his mom more and zora takes after her dad more but that seems too simple. i mean theres the theory going around that jason was actually switched with his clone too at some point and its got some good points (jason forgetting the magic trick, getting stuck in the closet again, etc) but theres a whole line of logic to debunk that too so its just. What’s Going On Here

cal 11

i took the first pic to get a comparison shot at the same place later irl but then noticed the ambulance they come across is the same one (#2) they saw earlier

pretty obvious but the real rabbit comes out through the picture of an identical rabbit (there’s also probably a “rabbit hole” allusion here)

i noticed this before too but now i have a screenshot of it, im the rabbit in the background just chilling on the floor during the climax here

- im sure i must have seen this before but i forgot about it. the 11:11 guy’s tethered didn’t have a sign so he just.......carved it into his head

- it never healed, either, he did it badly enough to scar

- red says “I couldn’t stop thinking about you, how you could have taken me with you” - she doesn’t mean adelaide ran off and left her there. adelaide made the choice to trap her in the underground. its possible red might have even been thinking how she would have let adelaide come with her if given the chance, which. i mean, i dont know how her parents would have reacted to suddenly having identical twins out of nowhere, but like. knowing there’s a chance red might have accepted her. and all this could have been different

this is definitely a movie that’s not really intended to be fully explained, there’s a lot of questions that aren’t really supposed to be answered, but nonetheless one of my biggest concerns is where do the clothes come from underground. red tells us they were all abandoned down there generations ago so nobody’s supervising or providing anything. how do they end up with copies of the clothing their counterparts are wearing. and here adelaide has a messed up faded old shirt that either looks similar to red’s shirt or is the same shirt just badly damaged, she switches it with red’s before she goes out for good so that explains how she gets the new shirt, but where did this one come from. why is it different if the other clothes aren’t

and of course there’s the whole question of “where did they all get these red jumpsuits from” but again. questions that aren’t really the point, i guess

#liveblog general #Us #us movie #jordan peele #us 2019 #pinned #media analysis

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brunhiddensmusings · 5 years ago

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What about Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves? I love that movie because it's such a wild ride (Satanists! Secret brothers! Secret mothers! And cancel Christmas!) but I distinctly remember a LOT of sutff that could probably make a historian scream. Also, how about The Eagle and/or The Last Legion, if you watched either of them?

engaging requested historical movie based rant in 3,2,1 okay, that movie is a beautiful MESS and its hard to pick somewhere to start partially as i cant decide to criticize it against the history of the period its supposed to be or as an adaptation of the legend, both of which it varries wildly as i could talk about how inconsistent it was about who robin hood was or what the merry men were about, chiefly that the concept that robin hood gave what he stole to the poor didnt arise untill about the late 1600s when people dressing up as robin hood and crew to recreate his stories became essentially the precursor to the renesance faire where such events would draw wealthy spectators who would then ‘pay tribute’ to robin hood who would then use that money to buy drinks for all the players eg ‘the poor’ as a compensation for the performance but no, i cant reasonably get too mad at that because its not widely enough known to actually expect people who make movies to know, id be more mad about how they insisted on making robin meet all his merry men as the movie goes on meaning none of them have more then a few days of backstory, and even more mad they insist on making all the non-named merry men illiterate morons, and more mad that they decided to amazingly actually include will scarlet but not have him do anything of note other then the drama about being a brother, and beyond that the part that actually gets me mad is you included will scarlet but not alan adale? thats a baffling missed opportunity considering you put the effort into making it an actual crew and not five guys in the woods, why the fuck not have a minstrel prancing around? the freaking disney furry one got that part better then you did and he didnt even interact with the main cast! i will give a few honorable praises to this movie though as friar tuck is possibly the most accurate friar tuck in any movie ive seen so far considering in the legends the first thing he does when he meets robin is put on a helmet and scream ‘have at ye’ while charging with his sword cause the friar is down to brawl with anyone at anytime. also his first appearance in the movie hes singing a rendition of bacce benne, the oldest known drinking song we know both the lyrics and tune of, which at the time would have been how tavernkeepers knew you were still sober enough to give another round to the irony of that statement being robin hood was largely circulated as drinking songs in taverns, and a medieval man replied to an accusation of him being stupid by saying ‘nah mate, i know all 70+ verses of the song of robin hood’ much like someone today would say ‘nah mate ive seen every episode of the simpsons up till season 12′ to prove he was up to current events i could get mad that everyone and everything is brown brown BROWN, nothing but rags for clothing half the time and the houses look like they congealed out of mud thats afraid of windows, but ive grown to accept that kind of garbage aesthetic choices that are somehow inferior to monty python and the holy grail depicting how people dressed. i also cant be mad about how they portrayed the sherrif, despite at the time a sherrif would have been a shire reeve or sherriv which the whole point of him being in the story is that hes more or less a corrupt union rep who is technically supposed to be the one the villagers rely on to relay their complaints and demands to the local lord but is instead a crony of the nobility appointed to a position that hes supposed to be elected to by his peers.... but to be fair it would make the story hard to process in a movie if sherrif wasnt sherrif. no, what im going to get the most mad about is their batshit crazy satanist witch i know witches (two kinds), i know satanists (two kinds), i know medieval society, and none of the above would for a minute agree with any of how the freaky ass nutbag making eyeball soup worked in t his movie. holy shit, you just threw whatever you wanted at a wall to see what stuck didnt you, the upside down cross is a common image in actual catholocism its literally everywhere at the vatacin and would have been as offensive to a medieval person as a beetroot, the medieval peasantry wouldnt even have been very putoff by witches as for the most part a witch was either your aunt or your chief source of medical coverage or both so you usually gave a ‘witch’ respect and bought your beer from her at reasonable rates. literally the only thing of the witch scene that is at all related to anything sane is the blood runes, which also make no sense as the runestones involved are norse but the practice of blood shouldnt be even known about by a witch in Essex, if you had wanted to imply how evil the badguys were in the movie theres better ways to do it in fact you already did that without agnes nutters more insane cousin arranging sticks in blair witch, if you wanted to imply fortune telling or magic was at their disposal theres about a dozen better ways to have done that too

yall just raided Elviras prop department when she wasnt looking didnt ya

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volganic · 4 years ago

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Song of Communion (Redux)

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4] [part 5] || [AO3]

OH GOD OH MAN IM SORRY THIS UPDATE IS LONG OVERDUE but its so long in comparison to other chapters........... ty liz for always supporting me and telling me to keep every detail in here bc otherwise this wouldnt be half as long as it is

song is o magnum mysterium (and quite literally the song that started this whole au in the first place)

A high-pitched ring of steel meeting steel sang through the crisp autumn air. Both Volga and Link's weapons were locked together as they tried to overtake one another. In the passing months that Link had come to visit and train under the dragon's watchful eye, this was the first time they had traded blows. The Dinolfos chieftain that the Hylian usually sparred with (under Volga's supervision) stood on the sidelines.

Volga withdrew his spear back, only to thrust it forward again to breach Link's defenses. Having gone through these exercises time and time again, Link had expected it to withdraw and drew his shield up to block the lance from grazing his exposed side. He's thankful for moving it when he did — the dragon's raw strength was far greater than he had imagined; aimed to kill, unlike the Dinolfos who only struck to subdue. The force of the blow sent a shot of pain up through the length of his forearm. He grit his teeth and took a step back, ending their exercise to brace his right arm. He'd definitely feel that in the morning.

His partner lowered the spear and sent him an inquisitive look. Before a question could fill the space between them, Link brushed off any concerns he must've had with a dismissive wave.

"I'm fine! Let's continue."

Volga shrugged. If there's one thing he learned by mentoring him thus far, Link wasn’t like most people: where most people would have yielded and accepted their loss, Link recovered with a renewed strength and vigor. It was a commendable quality to possess. It also made him stubborn. Too stubborn sometimes, but someone else could be unfortunate enough to teach him patience and to pick his battles. He'd leave that to the poor woman general back in the castle.

Their feet moved together in sync as they circled around each other on the cliff side, their steps carefully choreographed to keep their attention on each other's movements while still mindful of the crumbling rocks beneath their feet, and easily poised to either strike or block whoever dared to make the first move. Link desperately tried to ignore the bead of sweat running from the edge of his brow down over his cheek, but moved quickly to brush it away.

That was all the distraction Volga needed to suddenly lunge forward with his weight to strike. They fell into rhythm now: strike, step to the side, block, sweep, repeat. The dragon had drilled these movements into his brain. It took a lot of calculating than he was used to, thinking at least three steps ahead before the enemy while also keeping an eye for any openings or escape routes — this was only a friendly spar, but the danger of traps or ambushing parties was also something to keep a note on in the actual battlefield. General Impa would find it unorthodox and out of order by her methods, but it was far more engaging and befitting of a leader as grueling as Volga's system worked.

Link stumbled with a swipe of Volga's weapon nearly coming into contact with his ankle. He teetered off to the left, barely catching his footing on the edge of the cliff. Volga scoffed when the Hylian righted himself and poised his shield up, waiting for the next move.

"Scatterbrained today, aren't you?"

"No," he lied. His eyes averted away from Volga for only a second to see that the Dinolfos that lurked in the background was slowly stalking its way toward his unguarded flank. Have to move away from the edge of the cliff, he thinks, somehow catch Volga off balance, turn to keep both of the dragons in sight, overtake them —

— there's movement in his periphery from Volga's direction. Suddenly he felt a shove, and felt himself falling. There wasn't much time to react to such brute force, and even less to grab any of the rocks to keep himself from falling further down the cliff side. Volga stood on the edge, spear still in hand, and was growing smaller and smaller with each passing second. He tensed with realization. Stupid, he thought, stupid to think he could have trusted him!

His back slammed into something. It wasn't the ground, he knew that much. The impact still knocked the wind out of him, and before he knew it, he — they — were scaling their way back up the mountainside. The Lizalfos chieftain that acted as his safety net didn't seem too thrilled with carrying him back up to his master, but Link thanked the three that they still were looking out for him.

Link was less than graciously dropped back along the edge of the cliff. The Lizalfos and Dinolfos chattered among themselves and retreated back into the caverns now with their duties completed. Now it was just him and Volga, left with an air of tension.

"Didn't expect that, did you?" It wasn't a question. They both knew that much. Link ignored the hand offered to help him up and pushed himself off of the ground, dusting off his tunic and brushing dirt off of his face.

"You could have killed me!"

"Not my intention," he scoffed, "but there are others who are more inclined to do so." He clapped Link's hurt shoulder for good measure, smirking inwardly with the grimace he was given. The Hylian could pout and whine all he wanted. It wouldn't stop Volga from relishing in the fact that he toned him down another notch.

"Are you sure you don't need any more weapons?" Link asked. In reality, he was genuinely curious, but he couldn't pass up an opportunity to poke fun at the dragon. Volga grunted dismissively in response, shuffling out of Link's way as he allowed the boy to wander around in the room.

Today must have been something really special: not only was it the first time he had ever sparred with Volga, but this was also the first time Link was allowed in the center of the volcano — more importantly, it's where Volga kept his so-called "hoard". Maybe it was a tad naive of Link to assume Volga was the kind of dragon to collect all things that sparkled and shined, to have a room (or several) flush with treasures never before seen that piled to the top of the ceiling and threatened to spill over with its endless amount of secrets. The three chests that sat along the wall hardly looked like they harbored anything of worth. Blue eyes watched the dragon sift through one of the chests, and while it held a considerable amount of jewelry, it all looked extremely... tacky.

What he was rifling around for, he didn't know.

Link rolled his eyes and instead faced the walls of the cave. This, he believed, was the real treasure. Weapons upon weapons upon even more weapons lined the faces of the walls in an elegant and organized display. It was like being in a candy store! Not a single space was wasted, ranging from the smallest of daggers meant for tiny hands to the largest Goron-forged blades he had ever seen taking a place like a trophy. How Volga of all people managed to acquire them (or sweet talk a Goron into giving up such impressive armaments) was a question for another day; he didn't want to be pushed out so quickly after being invited in for the first time by prying too much.

He toddled over to look at spears undoubtedly meant for the Zora. A careful fingertip ran over the curve of the trident. "Is your spear like that of the Zoras?" he asked innocently, eyeing the gleaming silver hilt of a Zora spear next to the trident.

"Just because we're no longer outside does not excuse you from your other exercises, boy," chided Volga from the other side of the room. "Run through it again — and don't touch anything."

The Hylian swiveled his head to look at the dragon and object, finding that Volga's back was still turned to him. Alright, maybe he was a little predictable. Link pulled his hand away from the Zora weaponry with a huff and moved quietly to admire another set of miscellaneous weapons.

əʊ m æ g ʌ m

A smile crept onto his lips as the words paired with his tenor rolled off his tongue so naturally. Though the translation of it was lost to him, such a simple activity like singing brought him an immense amount of joy, a sense of freedom — even if it were in the middle of the volcano.

m ɪ s t ə r aɪ ə m

At least here in the caves, there was a sense of privacy that the castle could not provide — or as much privacy as he could get with the dragon or any of his kin within earshot. Better them than any of his comrades who would begin to question when and where he had found his voice.

Volga paused his rummaging to listen to how the notes reverberated off the decorated walls. Link took it as a good sign that he hadn't been interrupted by now and continued on, staying within arm's reach of the wall and running his fingertips along the rocks, trailing between the edges of many dangerous blades.

i: t ə d m ɪ r ə b aɪ l

One sword caught his attention. It stuck out among the collection of other plain, familiar-looking swords that Volga had hung around it — swords he might have picked off from Hyrule's forces, no doubt. Its serrated blade nearly pricked his finger even with the most delicate touch. If its serrated edges weren't striking enough, the jewels encrusted from the center of the blade to the hilt and the four-pronged guard were enough to keep him interested. It was intimidating, but a beautiful blade.

Volga might not have been the kind of dragon drawn to every trinket that sparkled and shined, but Link was beginning to convince himself he might be that kind of person instead.

s eɪ k r e m ə n —

"Stop."

Link frowned. With a heavy sigh, he released the breath he had been holding to finish out the rest of the melody before he was so graciously interrupted. He tore his eyes away from the sword to face Volga who now stood in front of a closed chest, arms folded.

"What have I told you?"

The Hylian crossed his arms. "Don't touch anything—"

"Wrong." Volga paused and wrinkled his nose considering his words. "Perhaps I did also say that, but that is not what I refer to now." That earned him an eye roll from Link. "Need I remind you of the importance of the diaphragm?"

"Hylia, not this again!" groaned Link, throwing his hands up in the air. "It's always something with you, isn't it? Am I not good enough by your standards?"

"You're ever approaching it," he countered, "but you continue to move too much, and it carries in your voice despite how you choose not to believe it."

The dragon took three large strides to approach Link, planting his clawed hands on the captain's shoulders, adding an uncomfortable squeeze and pressure for an extra measure. Link grimaced again with the weight against his bad arm.

"Like the core of your body, the diaphragm is a key component to—"

"'—to achieve a better quality of pitch, volume, and tone'," Link finished for him. It was obvious it wasn’t his first time hearing it before either. "'If your breathing is poor, it reflects in the singing', I know, I know."

"Then," Volga pressed his thumbs into the pressure points in Link's neck, "why do you continue to breathe so poorly?" His hands stayed locked in place as the Hylian crumpled in his hold, writhing and attempting to swat him away.

"Volga- ow- stop—!!"

"You should start by releasing tension in your upper body."

The dragon loosened his grip for Link to stumble away from him, a smug grin upturning his lips with the ferocious look he was getting. Link rubbed the back of his neck in annoyance.

"You're such an ass."

"I could say the same about you."

Link shot him another glare through narrowed eyes and now turned his back to the dragon. He hasn’t decided whether or not it was a good thing that Volga was capable of being just as immature.

“Where’d you get this?” Link asked and pointed to the sword, desperate to change the subject. "I could use a new blade."

“We haven’t finished our lesson, boy,” he said. Link braced himself for another painful squeeze to his arm as Volga pulled him back away from the display. Instead — with gentle hands — he dropped a silver band encrusted with a round emerald cut into Link’s hesitant palm. It was far more elegant than the jewelry he had seen it mixed in with, more along the lines of what he had imagined Volga would be enamored with.

Something in the back of his mind reminded him that this stone looked familiar.

"- song stone."

Link shook his head, breaking out of the stupor he didn't realize he was in by the stone glimmering against the light. "What?"

"It is a song stone," Volga repeated, having sensed Link's distracted mind. It definitely was an opulent accessory, if not the most dignified piece in Volga's hoard. But he wouldn't tell the boy that. "I think you are prepared to harness its power."

Another magical item. The Hylian knit his eyebrows together with some aversion. "Uh-huh." Even with the hesitance toward it, Link still slipped it onto each finger to find the perfect fit. It was a really pretty thing… The ring fit snugly around his middle finger, and almost looked to glow brighter as his hand moved around to catch the light. "And it can do what?"

"Amplify your gift, if the name was not obvious enough for you." Volga smirked from another one of Link's annoyed expressions and crossed his arms. "There are no limits on your vocal range with the power of the stone. After all, how else do you plan to command your army? Or perhaps even charm lost, weary travelers to their doom?"

The displeased expression on Link’s face quickly turned disheartened. "Volga, that's not funny."

"I am not trying to be funny. Jokes are another way of stringing up lies, and I do not care enough to lie." The dragon shrugged nonchalantly. "It is merely the reputation placed upon me, and if that is how they choose to acknowledge me, I have no interest in fixing it. If it keeps fools off of my mountain and out of my caves, so be it. If they choose to ignore it, I accept no responsibility for what may happen to them in my domain."

The words hung in the air for longer than it should. Link's eyes moved away from Volga's concealed ones to look back down to the ring. Even after all this time, the Hylian had never considered how he was one of the lucky ones — if not the only one — to make it out of the Eldin Caves alive. He had fallen for Volga's magic, to one of many of his songs, and yet here he stood, now learning how to wield it for his own greater purpose.

He had never considered those who lost their lives to it.

Volga cleared his throat. He despised the tension that lingered between them.

"Rumor has it that the stone you hold was forged from the same emerald safeguarded by the Children of the Kokiri," he said softly. Link perked at that and looked to him again, interested. "Whether that rumor is true or not, I myself cannot say, but I would be inclined to agree that its magic could stem from their songs." Uncrossing his arms, he tapped the jewel chained to his own chest with a clawed finger. "This jewel of mine not only does this contain the magic of my birthright, but it, too, is also a song stone, forged by the Goron Ruby."

Ah, so that's what that was. Link stared at it and pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, idly turning the stone on his finger with his thumb.

"Volga, I don't think I can—"

The faint echo of a Bulbin's horn traveled through the air, cutting Link off. That wasn't a sound he was used to hearing. The dragon perked at the sound, understanding its call.

"I want you to have it," he assured, gently placing a hand on Link's pauldron. "I implore you to let go of whatever doubt you might have clouding your judgement. You've earned it. Come now, my friend!" His arm moved around to wrap around the other shoulder, pulling the Hylian even closer and ushering him out of the room. "The newest group of chieftains have returned with fresh kill, and the time to feast is now."

"Wait— wait wait wait-" Link squabbled, planting his feet on the ground, "did you just call me your friend?"

The dragon paused. Did he say that? His tongue ran along his teeth as his jaw shifted in thought, tasting the word in his mouth. Friend. All things considered, that was the best way to describe their relationship: more than strangers, more than acquaintances, neither enemies or allies — at least until now. Volga nodded once as if to convince even himself. "Yes, I did. It seems only fitting to say so, does it not?"

"You could have at least started by using my name first. You've never called me 'Link'!"

"Don't push your luck, boy," Volga chuckled dryly and tightened his grip. "Do not tempt me into changing my mind. I would like to arrive at my own feast on time, and your chances of getting that blade you've been gawking at are slipping away."

"Brothers and sisters!" Volga silenced the group of his kin who growled among themselves by pounding the end of his spear against the cave floor. The sound nearly made Link jump out of his skin. "Tonight, we are gathered here not only to celebrate the autumnal equinox, putting aside our struggles and hardship of the last season, but to also forge a path to better our future. I thank you," he gestured to the troop of the smallest Lizalfos in the cavern, "for this bounty you have brought us. You have proven your strength and honor to rise to the occasion, to rise as chieftains, and to rise as leaders for the next generation of our kind.

As we move on with the coming season of change, we too, must change." He beckoned for the Hylian to move out from behind him. Reluctantly Link did so, stepping to Volga's left and coming in view of the band of lizard kin. "Most of you are familiar with this human," he said, purposefully careful with his tone when referring to the boy, "and know he is not a threat to our clan. With that said..." he passed his weapon over to Link's unsuspecting hands. This wasn't something Link as prepared for, severely underestimating the weight of the spear and nearly dropping it. He was a deer in headlights, now put as the center of attention, all of the reptiles’ eyes fixed on him.

"Tonight, we also forge our alliance with this boy. Though we are that of a neutral party, he is our friend, and, like the rest of you, my chieftains, he has risen to the occasion with the spirit of a dragon and will guide us forward for the greater good."

"But Massster!" A Dinolfos rose from its perch in a rush, eyes darting between the boy startled in his boots and its master, "you said we do not like humansss! We kill them!" It growled in opposition to the Hylian when his expression hardened. Sizing him up, it took a step forward when Link slightly shifted a foot backward. "Thisss one is small and weak! Easssy to kill!"

"This one could kill you should I allow him to take another step toward you," Volga hissed, clasping his hand above Link's on the spear. "Move one more inch closer and he will become a threat to you. He will remain on this mountain longer than you if you continue with your insolence, and by Din’s name, I will leave you to bleed out myself. Learn your place, hatchling." His words dripped with poison.

The Dinolfos held its vindictive stare for a moment longer before recoiling back to its perch with a sad growl. Volga snapped his head to the rest of the drakes with a frown.

"Any more objections?" They sat in silence; his decree was loud and clear. The Hylian himself was just as shaken with Volga’s outburst, thankful that he wasn’t on the receiving end of it this time. "No? Very well."

Link was left to hold the spear alone again as Volga moved forward to the slabs of meat scattered about on the stone table in front of them, ruthlessly pulling a Moblin flank apart by the bone from the lot of the carcasses. Having been so distracted with seeing almost the entirety of the lizard tribe in one place and nearly getting into a dispute with one of them, the Hylian had nearly forgotten that this was a feast for them — everything was raw.

His stomach turned with the sickening squelch the meat had made when the dragon knight bit into it, blood and juices painting the edges of his mouth and dripping down his chin. Hylia, why did he agree to do this?

Volga exhaled in bliss with the coppery taste of fresh meat on his tongue. A sense of accomplishment warmed his bones; this, he knew, was the right course of action to move forward for both his people and in Link's destiny. He swallowed his chunk of meat before turning back to the Hylian, expecting him to accept his offering. When he didn't, Volga snarled quietly; culture shock must have settled in and frightened the boy senseless. But why? It was only meat! A harmless, ritualistic offering!

A sideways glance showed the tribe of Lizalfos and Dinolfos stirring in their place, eager for their turn to devour their bounty. Being surrounded by predators….

To ease the boy’s anxieties, it seemed logical to appear less menacing in a cave full of dragons. Volga held the bleeding limb between his teeth, his hands moving toward the straps that held his helmet together.

Link’s eyes widened; everything unexpected today snowballed into an avalanche all leading up to the dragon unmasking himself. His grip on the hilt of the pike made his knuckles turn white in anticipation. He was lucky enough to escape from Death Mountain more than once, but never pinned himself ever lucky enough to witness the dragon of the Eldin Caves without his helmet.

The pointed chin strap clattered to the floor.

Oh goddesses.

Oh Hylia.

A mess of ashen-colored hair spilled out from the edge of the helm and Link’s breath hitched in his throat. Again, it was naive to think that Volga was anything more than a monster after months and months of grueling combat practice and coaching his voice. Had it not been for the other’s tall height or the black markings that surrounded his striking green eyes that now looked through him, the dragon could more than likely pass for a human. The Hylian stood frozen in place, the same cold rush he had felt the first time he had entered the caves and been mesmerized by the dragon’s song flooding his veins; this time, it was the dragon’s appearance that mystified him.

It wasn’t until the spear was taken from his hand that Link finally tore his eyes away from Volga’s. Now his hands were bloodied with the meat that held more significance than to serve only as a predator’s meal. Despite the voice of common sense screaming at him to not eat the raw meat, Link finally nodded in acceptance and bit into the flesh, pushing himself to ignore the blood dripping down his own chin this time. The chewy texture was awful and the taste was worse, but he only had this one life.

Why not?

Volga, pleased with the acceptance of his offering, took a hold of Link’s wrist and held it high, turning them both to acknowledge the rest of the troop. The Lizalfos and Dinolfos sat at attention.

“For the glory of Din!”

The cavern came alive with a cacophony of the dragon tribe’s roars, fires burning bright.

The first few days after returning from the caves dragged on from the castle’s infirmary — partaking in a draconian feast was fine, so long as the meat wasn’t raw and bleeding. Healers pushed Link to drink one too many teaspoons of bitter-tasting yellow potion, easily unconvinced that whatever ailment plagued him was not “only a stomachache”. His stomach churned horrifically from the aftermath, but the reward outweighed the risk, all worth being accepted into an extraordinary clan.

A clan he couldn’t bear dragging them through a war that wasn’t their own to fight.

Link eyed the Magical Sword from its place across from his bed. Its previous owner had already been unfortunate to cross paths with this Cia, this witch that was planning an uprising of unknown proportions — she, in turn, was unfortunate enough to cross paths with the dragon that pushed her back into her place of hiding. Maybe, just maybe, it was a good thing that she had run into him first.

How would things have been different if she didn’t? Link often wondered about the outcome more than he would care to admit. Would the war have been over by now? Would Hyrule be laid into ruin? Would he be able to keep the princess safe?

His eyes fell down to his hand where his thumb had idly turned the stone around on its ring.

Cia needed a general to start this war. If she had succeeded, would Volga have joined her?

“Captain!”

The sharp sound of knocking against his door jarred him out of his thoughts. The hero — now that he was back within the castle, he almost forgot he had a title to uphold — moved to open the door. The messenger stood stiffly in a salute.

“The General wants you to ready your mount and prepare to move out before sunset, captain!”

Link nodded once and saluted him off, shutting the door once he could no longer hear the heavy footfalls from the corridor. It was already mid-afternoon. There wasn’t much time before twilight would be upon them. He turned back to look at the sword. Better to use it now than later.

Without a second thought, he secured his newest weapon to his back and made his way out for the stables.

“Can we talk for a second, Link?”

Their newest addition to their party at least asked nicely. The hero paused his inspection of Epona’s hooves to look up at Lana, inviting her to continue on with her questions. Though she might have been allied with them for the last few months, Lana still remained an enigma to him: he wasn’t sure if she was hiding more than she let on since their first encounter, and more so with how much she knew about Cia.

“I-I can see you’re really busy,” she stammered, already falling over her words. “But I just wanted to ask you something personal, if that’s alright?”

It took every ounce of restraint to repress the urge to roll his eyes. Lana was a cute girl, sure, but Link knew where this conversation would eventually lead up to. There was no time to play these kinds of games with allies who had more than just a friendly interest in him, and even less with the sun slowly setting and sky turning into orange.

But the company was nice, the presence of another person filling the space in the otherwise empty stable. Link turned back to his work and gave her one stiff nod.

Lana relaxed almost immediately and smiled sheepishly. “I’ve noticed that you leave the castle grounds every chance you get whenever you’re granted the time,” she said quietly, planting herself on a wooden box near the other side of Epona to keep Link’s attention. “May I ask where you go?”

He didn't look at her as he shuffled from one of Epona’s legs to the next. His hand moved up where she can see, fingers and thumb pressed together. They move from the corner of his mouth to swipe over and touch his cheek. Home.

Her smile faltered. Lana said nothing as she wiggled in her seat and grew visibly uncomfortable with his answer. Her feet kicked at the hay around the box. Some part of Link didn’t like this conversation at all, but he steered his thoughts into focus, now rummaging through his pack to make sure he had everything he needed —

“I know you don’t go home, Link.”

He snapped his head up to look at her. Yeah, now he really didn’t like the direction this was going. He frowned when her eyes met his.

“I know the village you hail from is in the west, but you head northeast. Please, be honest: where do you go?”

Was she stalking him? That was enough. Link scoffed quietly and pushed himself off the stable floor with the pack in hand, haphazardly throwing it over Epona’s saddle. He wanted this conversation to be over with whether he was prepared or not for whatever mission he was being set on. As he stood, Lana stood with him and stepped closer.

“W-Wait! I don’t know where you go, but I just want you to be careful, Link! The last time you returned, you were sick for nearly a week!” The sorceress said in anguish. He ignored her in favor of looking for the reins for his horse. “I can sense a change in you every time you come back, and I’m not sure if—” she stopped herself when Link snaps to look at her with narrowed eyes. She steadied herself with a hand on Epona’s mane, fingers delicately brushing through her white mane. “I’m not sure if it’s dangerous yet. Cia is coming closer with each day, and I— I can’t lose yo—”

“There you are, captain!”

Lana backed off, retreating to her corner as Link both relaxed and tensed with his general now in the room. Their conversation was now at an official end with Impa wandering into the stables. He gave her a salute in greeting. She threw an arm over his shoulder and turned him away from Lana’s direction. At least they still held a common distrust over the sorceress.

“I apologize for this short-notice, but I need you to head into Faron Woods. Reports of more monsters have been flooding my desk, and some are trickling in with rumors of a sprouting Manhandla deep in the forest.”

Link blinked up at her with an incredulous expression and suddenly noticed the lack of her own weapon on her person. Impa understood what questions he had written across his face and nodded affirmatively. “Yes, captain, you will lead a small brigade by yourself. It’s not your first mission alone, but I trust that you can command a group on a mission such as this.” She patted his arm and released him, moving to pass the reins on Epona to him.

He wasn’t sure whether he liked the idea of being left to command a group of men yet without her guidance. On the other hand, it was nice to know that the Sheikah had seen enough growth in his skills to trust him with another mission. Soon enough, maybe, he would be the one to take charge and lead their men to victory. Without a second thought, Link accepted the reins and pulled Epona along out of the stables, sparing Lana one last sideways glance. Resigned in her corner, she gave him a small wave of goodbye.

Once outside in the glow of twilight, he climbed into his saddle. Some of his men — two soldiers and one fellow captain — were waiting for the order. Their general stood by Link’s side and saluted them off. “May the goddess Hylia smile on you all. And Link,” she said, placing a hand on his forearm, “bring my men home safely.”

The hero nodded to her with a lopsided smile and snapped the horse’s reins. With a loud neigh, Epona led them off into the settling dusk in the direction of Faron Woods.

#hyrule warriors #fic #volink

5 notes · View notes

ayellowcurtain · 6 years ago

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can you write one for elu where lucas sees some series of suspicious texts in eliott's phone and seriously thinks eliott is cheating on him (bc the texts are kinda obvious) which turns to him being kind of paranoid for a while (not long) and finding more "proofs" so finally he confronts eliott. crying and ofc eliott finds it ridiculous cause lucas is his everything.but it was actually idk just a classmate of eliott's texting their bf/gf from eliotts phone bc of some reason

can you write something april fools related? like prank goes wrong kinda thing? i mean i dont think any of them would make a break up prank but maybe they thought the other wouldnt take it seriously since its ridiculous for them to break up but then it gets a bit serious and sad but they're happy at the end ofc.

Could you write something with maybe Lucas overhearing some girls saying how hot Eliott is and him getting all jealous and territorial

------------------------------------------------

Lucas loves Mika, but he doesn’t trust him completely. Sometimes he doesn’t think about consequences or doesn’t take things seriously.

He needed some company to go out tonight. Apparently he had a bad couple of dates and needed to forget about it tonight, but everyone already had plans and Lucas and Eliott were his last hope. Lucas agreed to it last night when Mika texted him, but now he’s not in the mood, too tired after a long day.

Eliott is excited to go out, so Lucas tells him to go with Mika and he will stay home, go to bed early if he can.

Eliott checks with him a few times while getting ready to see if Lucas haven’t changed his mind. He gives Eliott a long, passionate kiss before he lets him go meet Mika. He smiles to Lucas and says he’ll be home soon.

Lucas is relieved to be alone tonight. He woke up in a bad mood and had a stressful day at school, that’s probably why he and eliott were also in a weird funk, so it’s nice to he at the comfort of his house in complete silence. He takes a long shower, puts his and Eliott’s clothes to wash, etc.

While cooking something later, he puts some classical rock to listen to, looks around when he’s back to the bedroom, looking at their beautiful, comfortable, tiny oasis. Since he got his room back, he and Eliott redecorated (with Manon’s help) everything, bought some plants to hang on the ceiling next to the window, changed the beddings, donated some clothes so both their closets could fit into one.

It feels cozy, warm, safe, a little bit like a jungle.

Lucas already chose a movie to watch, crawling underneath the covers. Before he can press play, he decides to check his messages. Nothing yet.

Don’t be a babysitter. He knows how to handle himself.

He presses play, adjusting his pillow. It’s not the best movie, but it’s not a waste of time either. He puts another one right after, an action movie to keep him awake. 4 a.m and the second one is over. Lucas had to fight to not fall asleep during this one, so he turns his notebook off, putting it on the table.

Ok, his time alone could be over already if it was his choice, he misses Eliott and having his big, warm body to cuddle before falling asleep. But Lucas is happy that he’s out, having fun. He turns off his lamp, checking his phone and there’s some messages, all from Mika.

Mika sent him a bunch of photos. They’re apparently in a photo booth with a bunch of other guys and two girls. Eliott has his arm around some guy’s shoulders, seeming to fit it perfectly with the group, he’s really out going when he wants to so it’s not a surprise to Lucas how well he fits with Mika’s friends. The jealous side of Lucas doesn’t like how close the guy is to Eliott, but there’s nothing going on, it’s just him being possessive. And the other guy seems very young, younger than Lucas.

The last picture ruins his entire night in a second, making him jolt on his bed, sitting and opening the picture, zooming in. His boyfriend with his wet, flat tongue out and the guy is really close, nearly sucking his boyfriend’s tongue.

Mika posted something on instagram, tagging Lucas in it. He opens the notification and it takes him to the post. It’s a close up of that photo, only showing Eliott and that kid that he has his arm around, tagging Lucas and Eliott on Eliott’s tongue.

As he freezes, looking at the photo again, he can see comments coming it, a bunch of guys and some girls asking who the guy in the picture is, someone already answering with Eliott’s instagram. Lucas’ vision is blurred, he’s trying hard not to cry or to freak out.

This is what Lucille was talking about.

He tries to racionalize but somedays it feels too much and he just needs to shove some sense into Eliott. Lucas types and sends his answer to all the thirsty people.

He’s taken.

A minute later Mika deletes the photo. Lucas suddenly feels sleepless. getting up from his bed and leaving his phone behind, rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hands, cleaning his face with his shirt afterwards.

Lucas was naive to think he would be enough for Eliott and that things would be different from what they were with Lucille. Maybe he got it all wrong and Eliott is happier when single or when he’s able to have whoever he wants, whenever he wants to.

And Lucas can’t do that, he’s too jealous and too insecure to be in an open relationship. He can’t seem to stop crying, a blue light enlightens his room, Eliott is calling but Lucas doesn’t answer, too riled up, he would probably say things he would regret.

He doesn’t know what to do, would much rather not have to see Eliott or Mika again any time soon, but it’s the middle of the night, he can’t just leave. Where he would go? Manon is not home, Yann is probably sleeping and he wouldn’t have the courage to bother anyone else with his relationship drama.

So he lets his feelings take over again, sitting on the floor, hiding his face on his hands. He can feel his heart shattering and once he cried everything he could, his walls start to build around him again.

Lucas feels tired, his body aching from crying for way too long. It’s just a stupid picture! He gets up from the floor, hoping to throw himself in bed and fall asleep for days, lock himself from the outside world.

But before he can reach his bed, he hears loud voices. Eliott and Mika are back. Mika is screaming his name and Lucas feels like punching him, not looking at his face ever again. They both barge in to the bedroom, Mika calling for Lucas again, almost running into him, standing in the middle of his room.

“Lucas!! Hi, baby!” He tries to hug him, but Lucas steps back. Eliott looks wasted and full of guilt and Lucas feels like punching him too.

“Can you leave me alone?” He has to gather all his strength to form a single question, Eliott takes a step forward, in front of Mika.

“Lucas...”

“Can you leave me alone?” He raises his voice, stepping forward too, ready to throw both of them out of his bedroom.

“It was a joke!! Nothing happened!” Mika explains loudly, laughing but he’s the only one.

“I DON`T GIVE A SHIT, MIKA!”

Eliott takes another step forward, putting a hand on Lucas’ chest, kind of trying to calm him down, kind of trying to stop him from getting closer to Mika.

“Nothing happened, Lucas. I swear...”

“It was more than fucking enough, Eliott!” He nearly screams again, looking at the boy in front of him, trying not to cry again. “You’re such a fucking idiot!”

Lucas can feel Eliott’s hand shaking on his chest but he can’t bring himself to care now.

“We are done, Eliott. I can’t do this.”

“No, no, no, we’re not done, Lucas.”

“Yes, we fucking are.” He means it, says every word looking into Eliott’s perfect eyes.

“Baby, we were just kidding, trying to make my friends’ boyfriend jealous.” Mika doesn’t seem to realize the seriousness of the situation, Eliott ignores him completely, freaking out inside, thinking that he’ll loose the man of his life because of a stupid joke.

“Yeah, it worked out perfectly, didn’t it?” Lucas looks at him and Eliott can’t have this anymore, he needs to talk to Lucas, so he turns around, trying to walk Mika out of the room.

“Get out, Mika, now. We need to talk.”

“We don’t have anything to talk about, Eliott.” Lucas answers, but he ignores, closing the door as soon as Mika is out, locking the door.

“We do, I won’t let you break up with me over some shit like that.”

“It’s not “some shit”. You kissed someone else, posted all over the fucking internet and expect me to be fine with it?”

“I didn’t kiss him, Lucas!!! I swear! Nothing happened. It was a stupid photo and as soon as I saw it I asked Mika to delete it.”

“So if Mika hadn’t posted it, I would have never known, even better.”

“No, that’s not it! He sent all the pictures to you!”

Lucas can’t hold back the tears, he’s so angry he can’t even think straight.

“I hate you so much right now, Eliott!”

Eliott is holding back his tears, desperate, holding Lucas’ face and trying to kiss him, put some sense back into his head, show him what they have and how Lucas doesn’t hate him but he pushes Eliott’s hands off of his face.

“Please, Lucas, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you would get this upset.”

“I don’t care right now. I’m going to bed.”

“Ok...” Eliott doesn’t seem to understand, going around the bed to his side.

“No, you’re not sleeping here. Go cuddle Mika for all I care, I don’t want you here.”

Lucas is a lot shorter, but he doesn’t act like it, pushing Eliott out of his room. The other one is still in shock (and too drunk) to fight back, when Lucas finally stops pushing him, he tries to turn around and stop him, but it’s too late, Lucas slammed the door on his face and he can hear him locking it from inside.

#skam france #elu fic #eliott demaury #Lucas Lallemant #elu

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flamegodess · 6 years ago

Text

Let The Darkness Fall

Genre: AU, Fantasy, Romance, Angst, Action

Rate: T+

Characters: Riza Hawkeye, Roy Mustang, Solf Kimblee, Maes Hughes and others.

Summary: Maybe Riza Hawkeye shouldn’t have followed her father’s apprentice that night. AU story.

Let the darkness fall

He was doing it again.

But this time, Riza wasn’t going to simply let him go. It was one o’clock in the night and Roy was suspiciously leaving the house again.

It was only one year since he had become her father’s apprentice. They used to exchange a few casual words a day and that was all that could define their relationship. Still, even though they were only a few formal and ordinary words, there was something about him that Riza couldn’t figure out.

He had a bizarre handsomeness. That kind of appearance that scares you a little, that you would believe exists only in the fantasy books. There was something about that black and messy hair and those deep and dark eyes that fascinated her. It was more like he was a beautiful painting that you are used to admiring every day and without its existence your life would be empty.

Riza wouldn’t have admired him so much if he wasn’t also intelligent. She simply knew that because other way, her father would have kicked him out a long ago, just like he had done with his former apprentices.

Still, there was something about him that didn’t match his perfect character. The fact that he was leaving the house almost every night and was returning in the morning. And he was never tired. Riza knew she shouldn’t care, but after an year of telling herself that again and again she decided that she had to see what was it all about. It was the fascination that made her leave the house and follow him.

He walked down some narrow streets that led to the suburbs of the town. Riza followed closely behind being careful not to be noticed. She suddenly shivered. It was a cold night indeed and she had no idea how longer they would walk. Was it all he was doing? Walking in the moonlight the whole night?

“Finally. You are late. ” An annoyed voice said and Riza hid in a bush.

“I sometimes need to sleep too, Kimblee.” Roy replied as he crossed his arms and approached a taller figure.

“Give him a break, Solf, he’s already doing enough for us. ” a tall guy said and punched Roy playfully in the shoulder.

There were lots of guys gathered around him, looking interested at him.

“It seems like he also brought us a gift? ” A short guy with long hair arched an eyebrow. For a second, Riza lost the sight of the guy who spoke before but the next moment she found herself thrown on the pavement in front of the huge gang.

Many pairs of glossy eyes were staring at her with interest and curiosity. She didn’t realize but she was looking for a certain pair of black orbs that she couldn’t distinguish because of the darkness. She tried to get up, but she was suddenly kicked back down.

“We told you to be careful not to be followed, Mustang. Who’s this? ”

Roy made his away to her and she swore that she had never seen that expression of guilt and concern upon his perfect face.

“Umm... She is... ”

Riza opened her mouth to talk but the man called Kimblee rose his hand and barked furiously:

“Shut up, disgusting human! ”

Riza arched an eyebrow. Since when was being a human an insult?

“Mustang, I swear, if you don’t explain this I’m cutting her throat right in front of you. ” The man called Kimblee threatened.

Riza covered her throat instinctively and shook her head confused looking at Roy. He didn’t seem to be the type of guy who was part of aggressive gangs.

“She is my feeder. ” he answered shortly and ruffled his hair. For a moment she swore that he winked at her. Yeah, she was cooking all the meals at home, but ‘feeder’ was an odd term. Some of the guys started to laugh mockingly.

“Kimblee, if I’m not wrong, it was you who said that every vampire has the right to have a human as feeder, didn’t you?” he continued to act as if all he was saying was true.

Riza froze even though she wasn’t holding his cold hand anymore. Did she hear it all correctly? Vampires? She frowned and wanted to ask Roy if this was a joke, but by the serious glance upon his face, she decided to stay silent.

“I did, but I don’t recall the moment you brought her in front of the council and branded her us your feeder. ”

Riza’s eyes wandered confused from one to the other. The hell was going on. Feeder? Council? Brand?

“That’s because... Umm... Because I’m still not sure if she’s the one. ” Roy went on with his lie and held her a hand to get up. She stumbled on her feet and flinched at the touch of his cold hands.

“Really?” A beautiful woman with a silky voice asked from behind Kimblee. “What a shame...every vampire recognizes their feeder from the first bite. ”

“Lust is right.” Kimblee approved. “You’re lying us trying to protect her. Lying to the council is punished with ripping all of your limbs. ”

“Hey, let’s calm down.” The taller guy next to Roy stepped in front of everybody. “He’s been turned recently, maybe he can’t recognize his feeder from the first bite, right? ”

Roy nodded and Riza didn’t know why but nodded too. Hell if she understood a damn thing.

“Then feed on her. Now. So you’ll prove us that she really is your feeder and that she’s not a miserable human you’re trying to protect. ”

Riza gulped and took a step away from him.

“I’m not thirsty right now.” Roy tried to excuse himself but was interrupted by the woman who pushed Riza too brusquely in front of him.

“You’d better be. Or else you’ll both end up dying in the most painful ways.”

Roy nodded and suddenly his serious expression turned into an apologetic and sorrowful one. Riza realized what that meant. The only thing she knew about vampires was that they were drinking blood. And she would have run away as fast as she could but the fear and the shock didn’t allow her limbs to move.

“I promise I’ll make it quick.” he whispered as he gently brushed her blonde hair away from her neck and before she could realize, two sharp fangs were buried into her skin. His hands were gripping her shoulders tightly as she felt a strong pressure on the place where his fangs were sunk.

She gasped for hair and widened her eyes. Involuntarily, she tilted her head back so he could have more space. It was strange because she couldn’t feel any pain. She felt a sudden wave of electricity and pleasure that she could not understand.

Her father’s apprentice was drinking her blood. So…he was a vampire? That explained why he wasn’t sleeping and his appearance. This damned council meetings explained his absences during the nights.

She started to feel pain as his grip on her was tightening more and more and her feet were trembling. She started to breath faster and heard her own heart beating violently. He sure knew when to stop, right?

“Roy, you’re killing her. Roy, stop! ” The friendlier guy said as he pulled him away from her. She felt a sharp pain in her neck as the cool air of the night made her come back to her senses. He didn’t look like the beautiful painting she knew. His eyes were glowing red as he was staring hungrily at her.

She felt weak, like that dominating gaze was crushing her. She felt sick realizing that blood was still flowing down her throat and that she was surrounded by hungry vampires. Roy’s crimson eyes turned to their original colour as he noticed her terrified expression.

He caught her right before she lost her consciousness and everything became dark.

#royai #Roy Mustang #ROYAI IS CANON #royai fanfiction #young royai #riza hawkeye

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parkjmini · 7 years ago

Text

bts as fuckboys

[a/n]: inspired by @sweetersuga | original post: x i wrote it as the perspective that you’re already close friends w them/have been with them before !!

Seokjin

he’s the funny, sarcastic one where he could be kind of mean bc he takes it a lil far

“you’re such trash you sleep with every girl”

“at least I can get someone to sleep with me”

he flashes a smile in the hall bc he KnOws iT GeTs oN YouR NeRveS

“When��s my birthday”

“January 1st bc u set off my fireworks baby”

“i am disgusted”

piggy back rides on those goddamn strong broad set of shoulders ooffff

“I’ll call you, ya?”

He never calls u bc he probably forgot too busy improvin himself

you have a streak with him and all he sends are selfies with the caption “I hope your day is as beautiful as I am (:”

He catches you staring in class one day and he’s like “take a pic, it’ll last longer babe”

And omg he ACTUALLY TELLS YOU TO TAKE A PHOTO OF HIM

so now u have a gallery full of jin and he wont let u delete them bc he thinks they’re all masterpieces you do too but youd never admit it

the only fuckboy that’s tolerable bc he’s rlly just a big goof

“why don’t you ever have sleeves on your shirt jin”

“these shoulders are on display, honey, can’t cover up the jewels”

he’s kind of obnoxiously loud that u want to shove ur fist into his mouth to sh u t him uP

“dude, jimin’s hot”

“okay but so am i ??”

“ok ya youre really hot but so is jimin”

“jiMIN (Y/N) THINKS YOU’RE—-”

“–ANNOYING THANKS SEOKJIN PLS SHUT UP WHY R U STILL TALKING WOW”

“just trying to get my baby some more dick jeEZ”

Yoongi

“hey yoongs why dont we go on a date??”

“uuhhhhhh since when were we dating? lmao dont trip”

gets a new number every 2 months bc he loves fucking w them crazy bitches too much

“sometimes you need to mess around with the ones who can bite off your dick, being risky is hot (-;”

“BEinG riSkY iS hOt ya u wont have a penis anymore at the rate you’re going”

kind of smells like a mixture of alcohol and cologne

hand-on-ass-when-he-hugs

“let’s play a game, if u lose u have to take off ur clothes, if i lose u have to take off ur clothes”

“wait but yours stay on ?? wtf yoongi??”

“no mine will come off right after i see u naked (;”

the one to play with the ends of your skirt/dress/shirt bc it gets u so flustered and he lives seeing u flustered

straight up Arrogantᵀᴹ at times its hot but ur so annoyed by it that u wanna knock some sense into him

wont ask for nudes but will ask to see some goods

“can i see ur tits”

“for the 4039th time, no”

“well, a man can try”

SMIRKY MC SMIRKY HERE like it just comes OUT of NOWHERE and it is OUT to ATTAC

u dont have a snap streak w him bc it always breaks bc he replies every 3 years bc he was “busy”

but he’s always the fourth person to like your instagram posts???????

and to comment the water droplet/eye/tongue emoji combo ????

loves when u swat his hands away from gripping your thigh

Hoseok

(i wanted to use this gif but it was so big and rectangle and didnt fit but u need to see that gif to really take in the fuckboy bc i cannot find a representation as accurate as that gif is)

always greeting you whenever he sees you

“hey babygirl”

“hoseok we just saw each other in chemistry”

“ok and????? can’t i say hi to my baby?”

“but im not”

“lmao every girl is my baby”

raises his eyebrows any time you fix your dress or your shirt

asks to borrow a pencil and never returns it

“where is my pencil hoseok”

“where is my kiss (y/n)”

“we didnt agree to that”

“well i didnt agree to give it back”

“dO u NoT kNOW whAT BoRRoW meANS”

loves to share so he shares a lot of his snacks with u

“omg i love snacks!!”

“oh baby me too” and trust me, he’s not talking about the food

has the brightest, kindest smile so it catches you off guard when he says some snarky fuckboy comment

loves physical contact !!!!! always has a hand on your back, or shoulder, or thigh, or hand, or arm

lip LICKING PARDON ME HIS TONGUE IS UNCONTROLLABLE

lets you wear his hats/jackets/hoodies bc he thinks youre sooo cute in his clothes

he walks around school with his hands in his pockets like a doUCHEBAG

catches you off guard by spinning you around with his arm around your waist

uses the line “im a dancer” to get girls what an eyeroll

the type to drag you onto the middle of the dance floor at a club just so he could show off his skillz which are actually super bomb like even ur impress and uve seen them 308443 times

he got that sweatpants dick print

Namjoon

changes his contact name to Daddy on your phone

Mr. Ass Man he loves ass ASS ASS ASS SO MUCH ASS BIGGEST ASS LOVER

“oh shit did you see her ass”

“look here bootylover123 stfu”

winks at you a lot in the halls

“do you have a fucking eye problem namjoon”

“its a wink”

“u do it so much that im beginning to think youre eye is having a spasm

lets you copy his homework if he got a hug in return

the type to comment a peach emoji on your instagram photos even if there is no butt involved

loves when you sit on his lap

one time there weren’t enough seats on the bus and he patted his leg for you to sit

“i know you hate standing (y/n), take a seat itll be fine”

“why can’t u be a gentleman and give up your seat for me?”

*alMOST CHOkES from LAUGHING* “me???!!! a gentleman??? wow u expect too much, just sit your big ass down on daddy’s lap or suffer standing”

buys you lunch bc he loves showing off his e x p e n s i v e w a l l e t

he could go from having a full blown brilliant monologue as to why he exists to giggling about how your moles r arranged into the shape of a penis

calls girls mami or ma

asks for ass pics at like 1:32 AM

and u send him pictures of ur elbow crease

and he actually thinks its ur butt

BLASTS baby makin music from his car and causes a public disturbance

has the highest count of broken beds, not bc of a high body count, but bc he actually breaks the bed everytime he sleeps w someone

Jimin

spaces out when ur wearing a low cut top bc hes too busy staring at ur cleavage

his streak snaps are either mirror pics, his abs, mirror pic of his abs, and occasional dick pics

“wanna play 20 questions (;”

“we’ve played 20 questions like 20 times already”

“ok gr8 ill start first: will u let me hit it from the back??”

offers to netflix and chill all the time and it sux bc he actually knows all ur fav shows

ok let me reiterate, jimin knows all ur favorite anythings bc he listens to u 75% of the time bc he thinks ur voice is sexy

will never fail to compliment you when u look good

“damn baby, is this all for me????”

“no i just dont want to look like a hobo today”

gets super jealous when any other guys speak to u even tho hes piping down like 8 other girls

“jimin they’re my frIENDS ur not even my bf why u tripping”

“they arent acting like theyre ur friends. i know fuckboy behavior when i see it (y/n) its my occupation, i do the same shit w girls”

“thats good then, someone else wants me too”

“not good bc ur HOT ASS IS MINE )-:”

youre saved as #1 babygirl on his phone no objections

walks into class with a new hickey in a new place every day

he has SEX EYES u could never look him directly in the eyes bc theyre so captivating

fucking walks like an arrogant prick down the hall and whistles when u pass

brags about his big dick when its honestly not as exaggerated as he says

has a picture of you in one of his shirts as his homescreen wallpaper

Taehyung

“i wont show anyone, im not messed up like that” yea be careful w this one honey, pretty sure jungkook, hobi, yoongs, namjoon all know how ur tits look like

has the perfect innocent face where u have no idea that he’s fucking 4 other girls

always responds after 12 am and calls u at 3 am

“tae im fucking sleeping”

“damn thats hot what else u doin??”

“hanging up on u goodbye im going to block ur number”

“pls don-”

uses the line, “i just dont think we’re compatible” on E V Ery GIRL

offers to hangout but never follows up with it bc he’s never seen out in public with a girl unless its his momma

“jasmine is telling everyone you gave her chlamydia, u get checked bro??”

“dont worry about it”

body count means a lot to him

loves hugs bc he likes feeling boobs squished against him

sometimes INTENTIONALLY lowers his voice bc he KNOWS ur into that shit

thinks youre playing hard to get when rlly u just dont care lol

“i know u want all of this, (y/n)”

“i think ur mistaken”

“right bc i want all of u (:”

“ya tae let’s not get ur feelings mixed w mine ok thx u”

NO SUCH THING AS PERSONAL SPACE the boy is a koala and will latch onto u

Jungkook

the biggest fuckboy of them all

has slept w almost every girl in the school and is v proud of it

“what’s your name again”

“rlly jungCOCK”

“ok (y/n) i know ur fkcing name so can u learn mine”

u dont think he’s ever had a gf b4 bc he doesnt believe in labels OR commitment which hes pretty vocal abt

unlike jimin, he doesnt own up to his dick pics and swears that they were “”accidents””

SCrEENsHOTS! but ur smart so ur face is NEVER in ur pics

“who’s boobs r on ur phone kook”

“yours”

“you WOULDNT DARE”

“i dont have photogenic memory (y/n) i wanted to remember those cuties without a shirt on (;”

looks too fucking good w a fresh cut that u need to avoid him in the halls or ull melt to goo

only owns white tees and timbs lmao hahahaha

smirks when you bend down to pick something up

that or he yells, “one more time, babe!”

“wat u doin”

“showering”

“without me!!1???”

he’s on tinder too so once he’s done with the sampling pool at school, he can broaden his horizons

a car enthusiast and will get offended if u dont think his rims r cool

thinks youre really hot when you yell at him or hurt his feelings

youre his prized possession bc he actually likes talking to u but will never admit it

has a specific nickname for u that he doesnt call his other girls bc its YOURS !!

“hey cutie”

“hey jungCOCK”

hates the nickname jungCOCK

338 notes · View notes

aloegardenia · 7 years ago

Text

its one of them tag things ennit

tagged by: @kcjenkinsoffical

1. full name: aalia [redacted]

2. nicknames: bitch

3. birthday: 21st of June

4. age: its in double figures at least

5. zodiac sign: the one with the two lines

6. moon sign: when its not there, like my will to live

7. ascendant: up

8. venus: certainly is a planet

9. gender: female, i suppose

10. pronouns: she/her, though usually over the internet everyone assumes im a dude so sometimes its not that

11. sexuality: LESBIAN

12: myer-briggs type: you can say mbti, it’s okay

13. relationship status: single and yearning for a gf

14. best friend: hes not on here n i cant say his name but hes great we talk about camp camp together n stuff like that????? mm i love him v much

15. religion: not really, no

16. favorite color: gay purple

17. favorite music genre: ? that’s a preference people have???

18. favorite band/artist: uhhhhhhhh dont make me pick one??

19. favorite song: right now its the meiko version of tokyo teddy bear

20. favorite holiday: all of them is time off so

21. favorite tv show: south park, camp camp, b99, nomad of nowhere... you only wanted one? well fuck you then

22. favorite youtuber: nerdcubed, kwite, mileschronicles, jacksfilms, sorrow tv, probably others im forgetting

23. favorite perfume: the closest one

24. favorite season: that one kinda warm week in spring

25. favorite flower: all of them fuck you stop making me pick

26. favorite gemstone: fucking sapphires man theyre beautiful

27. favorite roller coaster: the one that takes me to hell

28. favorite fruit: the cyanide extracted from cherry pits

29. favorite vegetable: carrots because they double as weapons

30. favorite ice cream flavor: all at once, square up bitch

31. favorite candy: whatever answer i come up for this ends up being sexual in some way

32. favorite restaurant: ones where the employees get paid enough

33. favorite fast food restaurant: ones where the employees get paid enough

34. favorite starburst flavor: the pink ones

35. favorite pizza topping: i could make a sex joke... but i can’t think of one...

36. favorite chip flavor: paint

37. favorite non-alcoholic beverage: water

38. favorite alcoholic beverage: holy water

39. favorite video game: skyrim. and tf2. and sp:fbw&sot. (i am watching n3 completes bully right now and, petey,,,, my son,,,,)

40. favorite board game: the version of monopoly made for your town, specifically

41. favorite city: not this one

42. favorite dog breed: all of them? fuck you?

43. favorite animal: all of them? fuck you? Except spiders they’re spawns of satan?

44. favorite number: 96 because it represents two people who have the restraint of a god

45. coffee or tea: tea bitch what country is this

46. vanilla or chocolate: both, at once

47. leather or denim: leather? clearly this is attributed to rosa diaz, whom i trust immensly

48. short or long sleeves: long, unlike my attention span

49. patterned or plain: plain im fucking blind

50. floral or plaid: GOD HOW LONG IS THIS THING

51. black or white: black like my inner goth

52. makeup or no makeup: no makeup because it feels weird (@my parents if you fucking try that shit on me i’ll turn your face into my personal sketchpad)

53. tumblr or twitter: both, except nobody reads my twitter posts

54. facebook, snapchat, or insta: instagram, do you u n d e r s t a n d what happens there

55. phone, tablet, or computer: computer because it has skyrim on it

56. liberal or conservative: not conservative, i suppose liberal but i am in the uk and i still dont completely understand

57. sunrise or sunset: sunset bc i can sleep then

58. are you vegetarian: nah

59. are you vegan: no, you wouldnt have to ask if i was

60. are you allergic to anything: no but that doesnt stop me from being a picky eater

61. are you polyamorous: ive only had two “””serious””” relationships, in a sense, but fuck i guess? whats better than 1 gf? 2 gfs

62. have you been out of state: no im constantly in a state of fear

63. have you been out of country: ive been to florida which isnt here, so i suppose so

64. have you kissed a boy: nah, though ive come close (eugh)

65. have you kissed a girl: lol i wish

66. have you kissed an enby: i know one (1) in person and they dont talk to me, take a guess

67. have you ever broken a bone: no im a weakling

68. have you ever been to the emergency room: no im still a weakling

69. have you ever been high: HEY ITS QUESTION 69

70. have you ever been drunk: no my mum sleeps downstairs with the dog id never get shit past her

71. have you ever been in a band or choir: no and god am i glad i havent

72. have you ever catfished someone: maybe? or it might’ve been my friend. bitch deserved it though

73. do you have any siblings: no and that is not changing any time soon thank god

74. do you live with your parents: ye

75. do you have more than 100 followers: somehow, yes

76. do you have more than 1,000 followers: lol nah

77. do you have more than 10,000 followers: please, never

78. do you smoke weed: no its too much hassle

79. do you drink: no too much hassle for something so lackluster

80. do you have a job: no and i dont think that’ll change lol

81. do you own any musician/youtuber merch: i keep a copy of tabinof in my wardrobe, a remnant of a dark time in my life

82. do you have any internet friends: mf i know a guy from the netherlands. n my mutuals here count too. i used to have one but we never ever ever talk about her ever again

83. do you play any instruments: no im useless

84. where are you going to college: it dont have a choice, gotta stay in edu til im 18

85. college major: psychology or animation, i hope (well thats not how it works here but i suppose focus or smthn)

86. names of all your group chats: ? idk bitch damn

87. tap the middle autofill button ten times: what the fuck kind of god can do this on mobile?

88. what timezone do you live in: idk bitch shit

89. your best friend’s sign: one that says “i wish i had a girlfriend” on it, i think

90. your 2nd, 3rd, and 4th closest friends’ signs: one that says “i love my boyfriend very much”, one that says “look at that cute girl over then i wish i knew how to flirt” and “i spend all my money on character skins for league of legends”

91. your crush’s sign: it says “I am attractive in a leather jacket”

92. your mom’s sign: it has “i am incredibly strong for dealing with this MS bullshit” written on it in large letters because its especially true

93. your dad’s sign: it says “i care for my wife and i work full time and i do the housework and put up with a moron of a child, holy fuck thats a lot im great” and it accurate ngl

94. your sibling’s signs: well uhhh since i dont have any

95. your enemy’s sign: its says “i lie to get attention because i don’t have a single positive character trait i feel i can put out into the world” and she waves it at me a lot

96. your ex’s sign: well one says “im a massive twat” in fine print and the other is probably in a ditch somewhere so w/e

97. ex best friend’s sign:”WHAT THE FUCK IF GOING ON”

98. tag 5 people to participate: no dont tell me what to do

#tagged #i think thats the tag for that idk #i think i got the sign questions wrong but i aint changing them #fuck u

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mxnstrxlogy · 7 years ago

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idk a theory about ‘gorgeous’ by taylor swift

ok I wouldnt really normally do this but I’ve just listened to Gorgeous on Reputation by Taylor Swift about a million times and I’ve had a spliff and this song has REALLY confused me, so here’s some of my thoughts on a potential theory because the way it’s worded, to me, makes it seem like it’s not as simple as the love song people are taking it as.

1. Right so the VERY first line is “You should take it as a compliment” which I think is very telling considering most women have heard that from a man, preceded by something that’s definitely not complimentary like catcalling (or being groped, as T was ... hmmm)

2. This shift in responsibility (ie this was just a bit of fun, why are you making an ordeal about it, sounds familiar huh?) is mirrored not only in this song “You should think about the consequence /Of your magnetic field being a little too strong”, “You're so cool, it makes me hate you so much” but also in the rest of the album; the sentence “look what you made me do” is basically shifting blame from the perpetrator to the victim (which is why i was confused about the name of the single ...). What’s more is with the line “There’s nothing I hate more than what I can’t have”, she’s not angry at the fact she can’t have someone (Tay of all people should know that people cannot belong to you??) but at the person in question. If you think about it that’s petty and manipulative “you won’t be with me because you love someone else therefore I hate you” mind set is so childish and entitled.

3. This is all the more interesting considering we haven’t really heard this form of “love” in the shape of such an accusatory, guilt worthy attack, or at least not to the same extent with Taylor before which could be a lyrical way of putting this song aside from Tay’s other love songs. It could even be a direct hint from Tay herself (who we all know is SUPER calculating and analyses EVERYTHING so wants the listener to as well) telling us to not take the song at face value (a love song) because she’s actually saying “you could take this as a love song and fulfil the prophecy that all I do is sing about my exes” OR actually look deeper and listen closely realising it’s a lot more complex.

4. interestingly enough there’s an obvious semantic field of anger: “i hate you so much”, “You've ruined my life”, “And I'm so furious”, “There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have” which surely contradicts the professed love for this person, right?

5. There’s a very pejorative aspect that goes on throughout the song, we hear a lot of negativity. ”You should think about the consequence / Of your magnetic field being a little too strong” sounds like a scolding, “He's in the club doing, I don't know what” sounds like her complaining/bitching, “I hate you so much” enough said, “You've ruined my life”, “I'm so furious”, “I’m jealous of her”, “That’s honestly worse”, “it makes me so mad”, “I feel like I might sink and drown and die” wow that is a pretty dire and scary situation no? and here we see the escalation but seriously my dudes it’s ALL over the song with this hella negative narration of events. The extreme beauty of this person has turned her into this crazy, ANGRY and obsessive individual.

5. Ok call me crazy but to me the whole song also seems a lot more superficial than her typical heartfelt love songs. Hell just give “Call it what you want” a listen and there are SO MANY lyrics that imply a very profound and meaningful connection and a detailed metaphorical account of what goes on between them. In ‘Gorgeous’ all we REALLY know is that she has admired this person from a distance, they’ve touched hands at a party together where T got drunk and made fun of his voice, she actually has a boyfriend but he isn’t there, she doesn’t even know whether HE has a girlfriend, that’s how little she knows about this person. The whole narrative rings very hollow and superficial to me

6. “I can’t say anything to your face, cause look at your face” ok so this person is so overwhelmingly beautiful she cannot even speak to them? Ok this may be a generalisation and exaggeration of the reality but it’s put so bluntly (and sang in the same blunt tone) that to me it almost seems like she’s saying they haven’t EVER had a conversation. So WHY would she be SO infatuated with somebody she’s never spoken to? Unless it’s ONLY superficial attraction from a distance (clues in physical description and adjectives used: “You're so cool”, “You're so gorgeous”, “Ocean blue eyes”) confirmed later in the line “You should take it as a compliment / That I'm talking to everyone here but you”. So this person should not only see the value in, and even appreciate her behaviour (not interacting and actively avoiding talking to this person)? umm ok yeah that’s normal

7. Bearing in mind that we know about Taylor’s experience of a man inappropriately touching her, or helping himself to something that isn’t his, all of the points I’ve made so far either seem like extreme hypocrisy on Taylor’s part (the entitlement in her expectation that she is owed this person’s love/attention simply because that’s how she feels, the anger she feels towards not only the situation as a whole but to the person she professes to love? and the distancing/disassociation of not talking to them) or, to me, could be construed as a subtle way of critiquing the Nice Guy™.

“The Nice Guy™ believes that if he is nice to a girl and actually treats her with respect, then that girl should want to have sex with him. Actually, the concept goes a step further by allowing the Nice Guy™ to feel entitled to sex with the girl of his choice simply because he has treated her with some sort of basic human decency for an extended period of time.” (https://medium.com/@KevBeirne/rape-culture-and-the-friend-zone-aecc31c4d598).

It’s not for no reason that Taylor would write a song from the perspective of someone in the “friendzone”. The friendzone is the most subtle and therefore one of the most insidious aspects of rape culture because it paints women as machines that if you put “’nice coins” into, you will eventually get sex in return. That a woman’s own desires and feelings are unimportant in comparison to a man’s desire to fuck her. We see this in lines like “you should take it as a compliment”, “And I'm so furious / At you for making me feel this way”, “Ocean blue eyes looking in mine/ I feel like I might sink and drown and die” which are all the kinds of manipulative and controlling (borderline abusive) things said by those who victim blame.

Gorgeous depicts someone who becomes obsessive over someone they hardly know, puts them on a pedestal as something to be desire/revered (which is dehumanising in a sense that everything on the inside, the personality and soul of this other person isn’t actually important) and then when “refused” they hold it against the victim like a personal vendetta that they should feel extremely guilty for. . We could interpret it as a critique of the culture around men feeling women owe them things like sex, respect and even love simply because they are men. Because a dudebro stuck in the friendzone bitching about it seems harmless, but this is the thin end of the wedge. That type of individual is the kind who could easily “snap”, feeling they are owed something can lead to them “helping themselves” or taking some kind of stand against their “suffering” which is precisely when they may take advantage of another individual, whether that’s grabbing someone’s ass, forcing or manipulating them to kiss them, or far worse. We know this is a subject dear to Taylor’s heart; she sued her aggressor for $1 to demonstrate that it wasn’t just for the money but to send a message that even something as “harmless” as having your butt grabbed should absolutely not be tolerated.

I’m really struggling to put this all together clearly but basically Niceguy/friendzone mentality can lead to sexual assault, which Taylor has suffered, so she’s trying to point out this kind of dehumanising “love” exhibited by The Nice Guy and its potentially dangerous outcomes. Gorgeous is even more symbolic because the song IN ITSELF sounds super harmless and even cute! Nice Guy behaviour is exactly the same, though it seems totally harmless it can have some serious and insidious outcomes.

my dudes idk if this just sounds like me massively overanalysing this shit but whatevs enjoy

#taylor swift #taylor swift theory #theory #gorgeous #taylor swift gorgeous #reputation #taylor swift reputation #gorgeous analysis #gorgeous theory #swifties

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dreamerology · 7 years ago

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my biggest i love monsta x ever!!!!

no offence but if u had told me a year ago that these seven boys would have had this much of an impact on my life and not only that but i still love them as much now as i did on day one (maybe even more) i’d say u were lying. usually my interests come and go in phases and nothing has ever lasted as long as mx???? but i rly truly cannot imagine my life without them at this point. in fact, the 2-3 months at the very beginning of uni where i stopped having time for them and thought i was moving on were the worst of this year (ofc that wasn’t the only reason those months were hard, but feeling like i was falling out of love w mx hurt more than id care to admit). they’ve brought me so much happiness and connected me with so many amazing people and not 2 be cheesy but made me into a better person! like they just continue to have the biggest positive influence in my life and i got the opportunity to meet one of my best friends bc of them, i’ll forever be thankful for them

i know i havent been w mx since the beginnign but!!!! even just seeing shownu grow so much this year has made me sooooo happie!!!!!! i Love how u can just see he’s more comfortable now and seems a lot more at ease……..the fact that hes comfortable enough to host his own solo vlives and no offence but theres not a single thing i dont love abt that man! hes so fucking funny….like its sorta weird humor?? dad humor almost? BUT HES HONESTLY FUNNY WITHOUT EVEN TRYING hes just reached a point where he’s got no filter and will just say whatever and sometimes even the wording will make me laugh dkjfhkjsd the true underrated comedian of the group tbh. hes so selfless too bicht………….i still cant believe he split the money from his solo event w the other members My Heart :-((((((( and when hes on a solo schedule he’s always mentioning the others!!! nd doesnt let anyone forget abt them, they rly are one big family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALSO HIS SMILE is the cutest shit ive ever seen!!!!! like when he smiles rlllly big nd his eyes crinkle nd he :D and his big “ha ha ha” ,,,,music 2 my ears!!!!!!!! i wish he could be that happy forever. hes the biggest softest teddy bear i just wanna give him a giant hug???

fun fact wonho was the first member i knew abt nd was able to recognize nd such!! my friend who helped me get into mx talked abt him a lot so i grew to love him before i even knew the others!!! actually hes probably still the one i know the most abt bc of her? anyways! angels exist and wonho is living proof of that! his love for mbbs is on a whole other plane of existance???? ive never felt this loved nd appreciated as a fan before nd its all genuine!!!!!. wonho is a monbebebebe first and a monsta second. hes just so full of love….im convinced thats why hes so Large he needs to fit his heart in his body somehow...hes just got so much love to give!!!!!!! he is the most thoughtful and caring person??? like not even towards monbebes and his memebrs but like at the end of mxray when he made sure to buy all the staff and crew little gifts as well, my heart grew 3 sizes for him!!!!!! and im so soo soooooooooooooosososooo proud of him to have some of his songs on the albums this year and not only that but! from zero getting a stage on tv!!!!!! his song!!!! he did that!!!!!! his hard work paid off….i hope he continues to be able to produce more music this year! oh one last thing, i love how? childish he is??? idk if thats the right word but hes always teasing or changing or playing around w the other members and hes always being goofy and laughing and it just makes my heart!!!!! rly happy nd warm

what is there left 2 be said abt minhyuk that i havent already said yet jdfshkjdhf i just! Love Everything abt that boy :-((((((( i love his sunshiney positive personality that never fails to cheer me up, i love how caring he is and how he always makes sure to be there for his members and makes himself open for them, i love his uneven blink, i love how soft his voice is and how it sounds exactly how sunshine looks, i love his fingers go sorta crooked when he makes a peace sign, i love his laugh and how silly he is, i love his thoughtful and serious side, i love how smart he is, i love his toothy smile, i love when hes on stage and he looks so radiant and glowing and u can see how happy he is and how he was truly built to shine, i love his ears, i love how affectionate and loving he is, i love his one (1) dimple, i love how sometimes he just says the weirdest shit…...like i rly wanna understand what hes thinking sometimes, i love how cute he looks wearing hats or how soft he looks in giant sweaters, i love him sooooooo much my heart hurts

can u believe i didn’t used to love kihyun this much? past me was a whole fool! i’ll try to keep this one sorta short too since i’ve already written a love essay for him but! once again i rly do love him w my whole heart!!!!!! absolutely Everything he does is so endearing and i loooove how he cares so much….he rly went and made us our own season's greeting for free nd his photography is rly No Joke! hes so talented nd u can rly see how passionate he is abt it!!!!! it makes me so so happy seeing him talk abt it, like he just lights up its the best thing ive ever seen. i Love his smile!!!! when his face scrunches up and u can see the little dimples on his cheeks and see all his teeth and he laughs and throws his head back or hits whoever’s closest to him or just collapses thats Good Shit!!!!!!!! im so glad he’s happy enough to be able to smile like that!!!!!!! it makes my heart tingle thinking abt him being happy. he rly is the cutest, i love him nd all his beauty marks :D !! nd no offense but hes never had a bad hair colour/style nd thats the tea on that!

chae hyungwon 2018’s lord nd saviour????????? anyways its about Damn Time i write him a love essay :-((((( having both best friends being hyungwon biased ive secretly been converted 2 a whole chaebebe….their love rubbed off on me!!! i love it :D idk where to start...gosh hes seriously so hardworking????? im soooooo so soo so proud of him!!! icb he picked up djing as a hobby nd then made it to a big festival, is on mix and the city and has released not one but two (2) songs only months later!!!!!!!!! we love a talented man!!!!!!! nd his dancing bichksjdfhsdj hes so fluid nd smooth when he dances…...i always find myself watching him first in group practices like there something rly captivating abt him?? please let him show us more of his dancing its So Good. also hes got the nicest voice…...its so deep wtf...but like its So Calming 2 listen to? especially when hes sleepy nd its extra raspy? Good Shit! and when he sings!!!!!!!! bicshjkdfhksdhj hes got one of my fave vocal voices i rly wish he got the lines he deserves :((( hes! So! Cute! jfhsdjfhs he gets embarrassed so easily and always makes the goofiest faces but i love it….he covers his smile sometimes too :-((( i wish he wouldnt its So Bright nd cute nd warm just like he is!!!! hyungwon’s smile is the 8th wonder of the world thats just the facts folks!

mister jooheon……….the true example of the duality of man. i dont understand how he can go from his scaredy cat self to and Actual God,,,blows my mind. i’m pretty sure i’ve said this at least a hundred times but his stage presence is truly Unreal……..its on a whole other level…….ive never seen them live but if i ever do i fear for my life. nd i know once it’s over im only gonna know one (1) man and that man is lee jooheon. but at the same time hes rly The Cutest id trust him w my life???? his eyes are so warm!!!!!! And his Big Smile!!!!!!!!!!! his dimples? deeper than the marianas trench, i wanna build my home in them nd raise my family there. hes such a talented dude!!!! mx don’t have a single bad song thenks jooheon! also for the first couple months i’d alway forget he was one of the youngest? like hes very mature too nd seems very responsible djfhkjsdhfjsd idk how he was the only one 2 be able to keep it together during their first win 2 give the speech…..hes so strong. i love him so much :-( hes so cute nd gentle nd thoughtful...truly the biggest angel who deserves the world!!!!!!!!!!

i think if there's any member i would actually get along best w it would b changkyun. we’re both rly similar from what i can tell...like sorta quiet, but loud around those we’re comfortable with!!! first off hes so funny nd…..weird but like in a good way sdjfhksdjhf sometimes i rly just think he says the first thing that comes to his mind “actually we have a baby” ????? who let him \…..he always makes me laugh reading his fansign notes too omg that being said hes also one of the most serious members at times i feel like. hes just got this rly mature vibe nd he handles things rly well??? idk if that makes sense but Yeah. he’s just someone who’s not rly afraid 2 be themselves, i wish that were me??? ive got so much to learn from them. also icb he literally invented being cute???? he doesn't even have 2 try hes just adorable!!!!!! like his laugh nd smile? The Best!!!!! and when u can see his lil dimples yeahhhhh hes sooo super sweet and cheesy. i looooove how close hes gotten w the other members despite their rough start, they rly are a family nd im glad hes comfortable around them it rly warms my heart!!!!! whenever hes getting showered in love my heart !!!!!!! its what he deserves!

on that note, the one thing i think that has stayed with me more than anything is that one fansign note where ck was asked how he wants to be remembered in the future, when they only occasionally thought abt him and his answer was “that i gave you happiness” and not 2 b a sentimental shit but fuck! i cry every time i think abt that!!!!!!! bc i Know there’s gonna come a day where i don’t think abt them at all! there’s gonna be a day where i won’t think abt them until i see something that jogs my memory and jolts me back to this time and even tho this year has been rough i know i always will remember how much happiness they’ve brought me. i’ll remember how they were able to cheer me up when nothing else worked. i hope one day i’ll be able to feel the Pure Joy i felt when they got their first win….i’ve never felt anything like that before. i cant wait to be able to look back in nostalgia at all the happiness they’ve brought me.

anyways that got real sappy towards the end i gotta blast now bye!

#dont feel like u gotta read this im just yelling 2 the void djkfhsjdhf #its rly long nd a lot of text but i wanted 2 write something nd it got sorta out of hand #i say 2k later kdjhfsjhfkjsd #long post /#IM SO SORRY IF UR ON MOBILE AND THE READ MORE DOESNT WORK #lu.txt #for those who are wondering why its real ass emobebe hours its bc its my 1 year stanning mx and im a Giant Sap #now im gonna shut up and not talk for the rest of the year ://

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illidria · 7 years ago

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You should write like... A mythical creature au, ship/characters of your choice :> Those are really fun to read imo

Thank you so much for the prompt, I had so much fun with this :D

First I thought Werewolfes, but I knew yours was perfect already, then vampires, then I thought the Lorelay of my country, but then I decided on Sirens, the lore not so explanation-heavy. And Pirate!Olivier, like that wouldnt be cool ;)

Watch out, because themes are a bit suggestive, but I wouldnt say too much.

I hope you have fun!

"Ok Gentleman, under deck withyou, we`re nearing Sirens Rock!"

Those words were billowed by a smallblonde, looking even smaller with all the tall men around her, most of themeasily a head taller than her and all of them at least twice as wide. With hasteall of them heeded her command. Under deck she went with them, the procedureplanned and clear to everybody. All of the men put wax in their ears, evenHastings, who was missing most of them. Weapons were discarded at the door,each and every single one, which took its time. They weren`t the most feared pirateship on the sea for nothing after all. A few of the men were making the rounds,binding fast their comrades to everything they could find, binding their handsand feet too, just to be safe. Her first mate Miles made a last round, checkingif everybody had sealed their ears properly and how tight the knots were. Hepulled a dagger out of Henschel’s boot and threw it on the pile of weapons.

"Captain, do you really thinkthis is a good idea?"

Her crew was a wild mash-up ofpeople anyways, pirates tended to be, but he was really something else. She`d stillbeen with her family then, had visited a trading post in the by the gulf ofBengali. The smells and colours had fascinated her, as did the people and when she`dsneaked away donning their ship-boy’s pants and jacket, he`d caught her behinda dive. She`d maybe been followed by an angry bartender and just maybe he`dhelped her out of this particular tight spot. When her, then small, crew hadraided a slavers ship ten years later, his red eyes had reminded her of helpedreceived so long ago. Repaid with freedom he thought the scales to not be evenand followed her on her journey, the goal of it not even known to her.

She shook her head at him.

"Of course not, but I want tofind out where to go. And that`s the only idea I have for finding it out."

Legs and hands bound, the rest ofhis body strung to a beam of her ship, he shook her head.

"I need to tell you about howwe help people in my homeland with finding out what they really want. No meet-upswith dangerous creatures there."

Wax was rolled to little balls inbetween her fingers and she chided him before stuffing it into his earsunceremoniously.

"Don`t be a pussy, Miles!"

She clapped him on the shoulder andleft the deck, followed by all the eyes her crew had to offer. A number noteven. The door she looked behind her, praying silently to the goddess of thesea, to not drown them now, when they were without chance of putting up a fightfor their lives. On deck again she could already see the fog surrounding SirensRock. She`d sought counsel, had talked to everybody that knew something and waswilling, or unwilling, to talk to her. Knew that your ship could not be rippedopen on the rocks, if it wasn’t the sirens song that drew you near them. Thebeast wouldn’t all be female too, they`d informed her, only if that was whatshe desired. One who`d waggled his eyebrows while saying that, she had her menthrow into the open sea. It was rumoured that she left for a wild life becauseof that, but it that would`ve been the case, she wouldn’t have gone andsearched for the sirens.

When the fog consumed her, shorteningher sight to a hand span, she couldn’t supress a shiver. The rope against herankle, placed there by herself, its other end wound around the mast, itched.The thickest of the fog clearing, she looked over the railing, into the sea.Just to be greeted by her own reflection.

Her hair had always been long andwhile she`d cut it initially, to get on board of a ship in disguise, it had grownback over the years. Blonde and curly, textured like the waves they weresailing on, the salty air doing her hair how it wanted to. Her tricorn satfirmly on her head, the deep blue bandana beneath it almost seeming as a partof the sea. Memories of the day she mutinied pressed to the forefront of hermind, when her captain had found out, after two whole years as his first mate, thatshe was a women. She`d won the sabre duel, the dirty trick she`d used securingthe faith of the crew. The Briggs had been hers after that, the strong shipafter years her home. Many men stayed, some died, some joined her crew. Herwhite shirt was as clean as possible while being away from the mainland andfelt stiff with salt, her red jacket the same, the lapels well-worn but impressive.She could see the scar on her chin and the hint of fear in her eyes.

The song she heard made her forgetthe fear.

The tune was beautiful, in time withthe waves crashing against the rock and accented by the wind blowing along thecliffs. It was a song of yearning, the yearning for nothing in particular andeverything at once. The voice sang of loss and hope and love, just as much asit sang of wealth and treasure and adventure.

She should’ve known.

There was no goal for her, no bigthing to turn to, like so many others had. And right now, with the sirens tunein her ear, that was fine. She`d not have to become Grand Admiral like thatpesky black-haired colony-boy. Did not have to show up her father by becomingthe most wretched pirate in the Caribbean. The most feared, yes, but not themost wretched. She`d not have to do anything, could just be, go where shewanted on a whim. Could just throw herself into the water, saving herself thehassle…

The rope tightened around her ankleand she came to her senses again.

No big goal she could live with, helife was fun as it was. But no with throwing herself to the wolves, well, Sirens.Looking up, set on throwing the fish-things a smug grin, she was taken abackfor a moment. She`d always just presumed that Sirens were female, with a fishes-tailinstead of legs and shells over their boobs. That’s how they were depicted inbooks at least.

It was funny when he started to singof himself.

The fishes-tail thing was true, butthat specimen was surely not female. He was buffer than her buffest crewmember, would probably be very tall, if he were in the possession of legs. Hishair was long and black and flowing, at least here abhorring to the Siren-stereotypes.And funnily enough, there was a shell over his left nipple, deep blue like hisscaly tail. He blushed when she let her mind wander, basically singing what shewas thinking.

Smiling at him widely, wolfishlyMiles would say, she watched his blush deepen. But there was no helping it. Thewaters weren’t safe, she would not endanger her crew. Turning, she felt thewinds pick up suddenly, the man obscured from her view now, hidden behind thickfog. The ship moved away from the rocks and she knew what happened to the Sirennow, according to the old folk’s tales.

When a Siren could not lure you in, destroyingyour ship on its cliffs, it had to die. Most commonly people told, by throwing themselvesin the sea to drown. Ever since she was little, Olivier had wondered how acreature part human and part fish, could drown. She`d pestered her father withthis question often, who`d told her of Sirens first, claiming to have seenthose on his many journeys once. He`d shrugged, smiling cheekily at her,tucking her in and telling her not to believe everything old folks said.

When she heard a splash, she thoughtfor a second that he`d been wrong, that sometimes the tales told were simplytrue. Freeing her ankle from the rope, she went to the railing once more, just toindulge before freeing her men. Harshly pulled out of her reverie, by someoneknocking on the side of the ship, she looked down. The word dying was used toliberally in her opinion anyways, she thought.

"Permission to come on board?"

The man was clinging to her ship, smilingup at her. A little bit embarrassed and a little desperate too. She threw downa corded ladder and watched him climb up to her ship. Apparently dying meantdying as a Siren, but not entirely. Especially seeing as he now had a nice setof legs. They trembled, little used, when he stood on her deck sheepishly,covering himself with one hand, blushing furiously.

She sighed.

“This will be so hard to explain.”

Extra thoughts for the end:

Captain Olivier marrying Mustang and Hawkeye during a heated battle on her ship. Telling Hawkeye every five seconds that she could`ve done better.

Buccaneer super weird in every human settlement, not knowing the rules of human interaction.

“You have a Siren on board?!” The people always looking at Olivier while asking, but the crew silently pointing at Buccaneer.

“The Siren sleeps in your rooms? Why not kiss a mermaid?” Karley from the off “That was one time!”

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rosekun25 · 8 years ago

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Fourteen Reasons why.

April 9th, 2017

Dear Tumblr Diary,

I’m watching “Thirteen Reasons Why.”

I haven’t read the books since middle school. But my cousin from my Dad’s side of the family sent me the book I think a year ago. Life always has a way of foreshadowing. I swear it does.

Anyway I’m reading the book too, putting off getting my food handler’s card because fuck that shit.

Anyway Im watching this and its kind of triggering. I havent watched the part where she kills herself but I imagine I’ve seen worse.

There’s a video I’ve seen Here’s a link.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_PdYb0EL-Y

Anyway so far that part has hit me the most.

I mean, It has. After I got out of the hospital nobody asked me if I was okay. I had to lie. I lied about everything so I wouldnt get sent away longer than they needed me to be away.

I lied and said It was because I missed my great grandma instead of telling them it was because my world had shattered and nobody could hurt me anymore.

I lied about the pills. I took 96. Well thats now many were in the bottle. I told them I didnt know how many I’d taken. I just lied lied lied lied lied. I didnt tell anybody why I did it.

aTLEAST Until they couldnt send me away anymore.

So here are fourteen reasons why I wanted to kill myself

14. I felt like I’d do it sooner or later.

I mean it was really weird. I’ve had depression for most of my earlier childhood. I remember not thinking I’d make it to 20. But here I am. I remember wanting to get married and have children but I didn’t actually think I would live long enough to actually do it. I mean I didn’t think I’d finish High School.

13. I wasn’t beautiful.

At least I didn’t think I was. I thought pretty girls were 100 pounds, blonde and didn’t have to worry about anything except which husband they wanted. I guess I was sort of insecure. But not in the sense that I thought I was ugly. Just in the sense that I wasnt beautiful.

12. I was starving myself.

Well I don’t really remember this part. I just remember I was really really hungry. The doctors there said I hadn’t eaten for a month. But Im not sure that’s accurate. I mean I must have eaten at some point. I remember I drank tea. But anyway. I guess i was displaying “Anorexic tenancies” or whatever I was half asleep I didn’t listen.

11. I wanted to die. (duh)

But it wasn’t in the sense of me actually wanting to die. I mean when you’re young you learn about the circle of life, you watch ‘Lion King.’ Mufasa dies and you learn you wont be around for ever. I guess I just ’ wanted to hurry up and do what I was supposed to.

10. At the time, my life sucked dick.

I remember it. I was horribly depressed and doing my best to hide it. I remember I wanted nothing more than to just be held like a baby and told everything was going to be alright. But it wasn’t. There was a point in my life where I kept everything to myself. Everything. Even stupid shit like “Where do you want to eat?” or “Are you hungry?”. I just felt like I had to. Keep everyone safe, dont let anybody know you’re suffering sort of thing.

Anyway my life sucked dick, because I was always hungry never sleeping and I was overworked. I also was verbally abused at my job. To the point where I would want to cry whenever I walked in the store. But more on that some other time.

I also hated T or C. If Im going back there. Im going back in a body bag.

My Home life also sucked dick. I remember not having hotwater in the bathroom. I remember being cold every night because they refused to pay more money to turn up the thermostat. If I wasnt cold. I was so Hot. There were ants everywhere. On my clothes. In the kitchen. EVERYWHERE. I wasnt allowed to leave my house either. I couldnt just get up and go I wasnt allowed to leave except for school and work. I couldnt leave and it drove me fucking mad. I didnt have much food to eat, If there was food it was all gobbled up by my fat ass Grandfather who liked to steal my things. I still dont know what he did with most of it. The dryer didnt work either so I’d have to go to school in wet clothes that were freezing. I hated it. Oh and not to mention every morning I’d wake up to screaming. Always screaming. Nobody could ever say “Good Morning Rose, you’ve to wake up now.” No. They were too busy screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming,

9. I was so tired of everything.

I was. Really. I still kind of am. Im tired of having to work all the time and having no money. I was tired of waking up every day and going to a school. I feel like I would have liked school better if I didnt have to wake up early and put up with all of that bullshit.

The bullshit I am tired of here has literally went from 95% to maybe about 15% Professors are honest with me, My coworkers all do their jobs and I dont get in trouble if they don’t. Really Imagine, getting in trouble because one of your coworkers didnt do their job right.

The only bullshit I have to deal with is making sure I have enough hours. Which if you ask me isnt a biggie, also I make enough to take care of myself. Which is a lot better than where I was before.

8. I was going insane.

Now I know what you’re thinking “Omg, yeah sure whatever Rose. Everybody on Facebook likes to pretend they’re crazy for attention, Change your picture to Joker and Harley just to add edginess.

But no. It was stuff I dont want to dicuss with you. I had horrible dreams and I wanted to do some horrible things. In a way, I honestly thought if I killed myself I would save everyone. I still dont remember what I wanted to save them from.

7. I didnt have any friends.

Now again I know what you’re thinking, “This bitch is tripping. She won Homecoming Duchess and Princess at the last dance!” ( Side Note: I also went on to win Prom Queen. But Everybody voted for me because I wasn’t allowed to run for homecoming queen because I tried to kill myself in the Bathroom.)

I didnt have a Best friend. I didnt have somebody who hung out with me or came to my house specifically to play with me. I worked too much or somebody who ate lunch with me because they wanted to and not because I’d integrated into their little group because one of the members felt sorry for me and wanted to be my friend again.

I knew a lot of people. But I was fiery, Passionate and emotional. People were afraid of that. Either that, or they didnt care enough to try and understand it.

6. I was suffering from an unDiagnosed Mental illness

It was Borderline Personality Disorder. It was making me crazy.

I still dont understand what it means.

I know it means.

But I dont understand it.

5. I missed my Daddy.

There. I said it. I FUCKING SAID IT.

In my family, I was supposed to pretend he didnt exist. We all were. We didnt have Dads. We were just born. You know i didnt accept my Step Dad until My Dad stopped coming to see me. But what does that matter? I mean I wasNT A BOY. HE DIDNT FUCKING WANT A GIRL. HE PROBABLY HAS 80 BILLION FUCKING DAUGHTERS! HE DOESNT NEED ANOTHER ONE!!!!!!!!!

But how am I going to forget the man who hated it when I cried? The man who bought me all of these presents because he knew he was never going to see me ever again. The man who bought me my first Barbie Car, my Hamtaro doll and my pretty Amethyst Birth Stone Barbie. All because he fucking knew he was never going to see me again.

I havent seen him since I was two. But I remember waking up in my hospital bed with Leslie telling him he had to talk to me because the doctors said they didnt know if I’d make it. I heard my auntie tell him in spanish and then he said “I dont talk to anyone who isnt blood.” and I wished I would have died again and again and again.

4. I wasnt afraid to die.

I mean honestly who is? Im Catholic now. I understand its the circle of life. Ive seen Lion King. But I honestly wasnt afraid to die.

Here’s my philosphy on Religion and Death and everything

If you’re a buddist and you die. You go do Buddist stuff. Buddist heaven, Buddist Hell.

If you’re Jewish and you die. You go to Jewish Heaven because there isnt a hell.

I know in church they tell you not to believe in other gods. But God mentions in the Holy Bible several times. So Meh.

But I wasnt afraid to die. Im pretty sure my life had been clean and the only sins I really had were Hating my parents and Premarital sex. God wouldnt send me to hell for that. So I thought I’d go to heaven and party with Kurt Cobain

Because when a kid with Cancer dies, God doesnt send them to hell for dying of Cancer. So why would he send me to hell for succumbing to my depression?

I mean atleast even if He was the God I think he is.

3. By this point I was honestly sure nobody cared.

The English teacher who carried me to the ambulance cared. I’m sure of that.

But I mean nobody cared. I remember coming home to no food in the refrigerator and thinking “Oh well they’re making it easier for me now.” I remember nobody ever asking how I was. I remember feeling numb I remember waking up that morning and deciding I was going to give life one last Chance. I’d missed the bus that morning and I had to call my Grandmère to give me a ride to school because My Mother wouldnt teach me how to drive because she didnt want me to run off with my boyfriend and be happy.

Because I guess bragging rights about your kids going to college are more important than your kids actually being happy. I’ll remember that when I have kids. If I live to have kids at least.

Anyway I remember forgetting to take the pills out of my backpack. Im sure there’s an alternate universe somewhere where I did take them out of my backpack and I just went home early that day instead of killing myself in the bathroom. But hey what about the alternate universe where Hitler cured Cancer?

Nobody cared. Thats the point. Obviously if nobody noticed I was starving myself. If nobody noticed any of the signs that I displayed.

But of course they all showed up to the hospital and cried crocodile tears. Then they yelled at me again as soon as I woke up.

2. My life was over.

“But you were accepted into NMSU! You were graduating Highschool! You had your whole life ahead of you!!!”

Did anybody ever think for just a second that I didnt want any of that? Honestly! Everybody was so proud. Nobody stopped and asked me if thats what I wanted to do. Because it sure as hell wasnt. I didnt want to go to college. Twelve fucking years of a system that made me kill myself in the Bathroom and you wanted me to do eight more years?! I wanted to get married and have babies. But I had to. You understand. I had to. I couldnt be like my sister. I couldnt stay in Highschool forever. I had to go to school because Men are useless now and I couldnt just get married out of highschool because as soon as they leave you’re going to need to take care of yourself! But I didnt want that. I wanted to get married. I wanted to have kids.

1. Chance left.

Honestly this was it. This was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I could see it coming though. Yeah, I made fake accounts to try and talk to him. Yeah I was a thirsty hoe (Symptom of BPD btw). Yeah I kind of texted him until right before I did it. I mean I was 18 of course I was obsessed. He cared. He would kiss me goodnight, He would try to get me to eat but I never would. I wanted to be pretty for him. I wanted him to love me. He did for a moment. You know love is like a drug, A drug that makes you happy every day of your life. Even if all you do is fight. Maybe its because I’d never loved anybody before him. Not even my Mother. When I lost that happy bubbly warmth. I wanted it back. I was so desperate to get it back. I didnt notice. I didnt notice all the terrible things that happened. I looked over all of the mean words, and abusive flags. None of those mattered, as long as I got that feeling of being warm, loved, safe, and protected. Because it made me want to live. If I couldnt live. I wanted to die. I wanted to die and be with that feeling forever.

Maybe things would have changed if I had realize what a fucking scum bag he was earlier.

Am I still Suicidal? Yes.

You cant turn it on/off contrary to the belief of everyone around me. I’ve been suicidal since I was a little girl. But will I do it again? I cant promise I wont.

Fourteen Reasons why I want to live.

14. I’m happy now.

I dont know if I could consider this as happy as I want to be, I mean Im still single. I have no children. But I’m happy. I dont have all the money in the world but I can go get Starbucks. I can go out and eat If I want to and that makes me so happy. It makes me so happy to have access to food.

13. I love my apartment.

I love my apartment. I love everything about it. I do. Except the rent payment lol. I love that I can literally do whatever I want in this little one bedroom place. I love it. I love keeping it clean, I love putting up whatever I want on the walls and I love love love it so much. Im so warm and happy and there is always food here.

12. I love where I live.

I love my town. Its big, its bright and i can get whatever I need to. I can go to walmart again whenever I want and I dont have to beg anybody to take me through the drive through or pay anybody to take me to the mall. I can go see movies and see the world. I love the world. I love the grass and the trees and the warmth of the sun. I can sit on my porch for hours, I can watch the rain, I can go outside. I CAN GO OUTSIDE!!!!

11. I love being free. My freedom is my most precious possession, I don't want to die if I can be free.

10. I don't want to die until I find that person. My whole life I've been told There's a soul mate for everyone. When I think about suicide. I think about being dead, in a way, Death was freedom for me. But part of me doesn't want to leave that person alone. I can't. If He was made for me . Then he's like ME and if he is then I don't want to leave him alone.

9. I have food.

I know what you’re thinking “Whatever, I have a frozen Dinner in the fridge. Does that make me not suicidal?”

I have food to eat. Like I do. I dont have to scrounge around my house for a packet of Ramen or hiding a can of soup under my bed and praying it would be there when I woke up. I can wake up and eat whatever I want. I can make dinner and sometimes I just stare at all of the food in my refrigerator and smile.

Side note, It’s now May 12th, school is over. Im trying really hard to finish this. It’s triggering. Like, Hannah Baker, Everything she does. I can see myself in her. I could deal with the books. I could deal with the books because I had borrowed my friend’s book and typed the alternate ending and stuck it in my book. I visualized it in my own way. Now seeing it. It’s triggering. Did anybody notice? Did anybody try to?

What about when I did it? Did anybody think? Did anybody try and look after me. I mean nobody noticed me stop eating so I doubt anybody noticed me writing wills in my psychology class, or me writing my suicide note over and over again.

The final draft only had a few words by the way and nobody read it.

They didnt even read the instructions I left for them incase I survived and had to go to the hospital which is why I had to wear the same clothes I wore when i did it. Which absolutely sucked. But i was glad I was getting out of the mental hospital, so there’s that.

I still dont understand why shit like this cant happen in real life. I dont understand how people can make people suffer so much emotionally that they think suicide is the only answer.

This is really hard to write. I have to think of reasons I want to live instead of reasons I want to die. That’s hard. I want to die. Im so sick of this. But I dont want to die. I want to live.

In a sense, I really feel like Hannah Baker. Because She wanted to live, she wanted life and happiness but she just dies at the end. I wonder if that will happen to me?

I’ve had people ask me if Im sure I should even be watching a show like this. But I have to. I have to finish it.

I read the book I know what happens. But I have to finish it for myself.

8. Kingdom Hearts III will come out (Eventually)

I have found joy in video games once again. I mean. Ive always loved video games. But I was playing South Park Stick of Truth again and I liked it. I liked it a lot and I wanted to... I wanted to play it so much.

I’m sure they have video games in heaven but i wonder do they have midnight release parties? Do they have endings that arent perfect?

Im sure they do. But being alive for them is different.

Eventually though. Kingdom Hearts III will come out. Eventually. Ill get to play it. Maybe Ill get to play it with my grandchildren and teach them about Sora, and Kairi, and Riku.

7. I want to be a Mother.

Thats all I’ve ever wanted in life. Really. I just want to hold my baby and raise her/him. I dont want them to have to come home and wonder if there’s food to eat, or if the house is going to be warm or when Mom is going to come home.

I want to have children and teach them and give them love and warmth and make them safe and give them everything I never had in life. Like love, and chances. Chances to make something of themselves in a way I never could.

6. I want to live to be an annual passholder at Disney

I mean I’ve been to Disneyland Nineteen times and this summer it will be 20. But I want to be able to wake up one day, have the day off from work and ask my kids if they want to go to Disneyland instead of school. I want to go there and have a great time and not have to worry about school or work or depression or anything.

5. I really want to do my bucket list.

I mean there’s lots of cool stuff on it. But I’m sure they have most of that in heaven. But I want to do it before I die. Like I want to visit Euro Disney in person and hang out in France. I want to walk up and realize I’m going to see the Little Mermaid on Broadway tonight. I want to be able to tell everybody about what I’ve done and inspire them to do the same thing.

(Update: It’s June now. I have to finish it. I had to stop. It was getting bad again. Really bad. I’m ready now. I really am.)

4. I want to get married.

Honestly thats been my life goal since I was a baby. That and being a ballerina but appertanly my dreams dont matter enough for us to stay in a place I could actually achieve them. I want to have a big fancy wedding which will probably dumb down to me getting married at the court house which I am totally fine with. As long as I am officially married and we honeymoon at Disney.

Jesus Chirst I cant do this. I really cant. I fucking cant. . . Why? WHY am I here? Why did I live? It’s fucking impossible did you know that? Am I still alive? Am I dead? I wont fucking know! I’m so much happier now! I really am. But I cant do this. I fucking cant. Why? Why am I alive? Why did I live? SO I could pay bills for the rest of my life? I hate being broke. I hate not having any money. I spent 20 dollars today to go out to lunch and that was a luxury. I couldnt afford that. Especially with all these bills. Why? Why is it so expensive to live in a 3rd world country with Iphones? Why? I dont have a car I have to ride the bus everywhere and spend a billion dollars on fucking everything. WHY? Why? I hate this. I hate this so much. I hate having to be mad at myself for going to the mall and spening 11 dollars. ELEVEN FUCKING DOLLARS! I bought a keychain today. I bought a keychain today and I wasnt supposed to do that! I love my apartment, I love it, I wont leave it unless I’m in a body bag or leaving with my husband, But i dont understand WHY?! Why? Why do they want everything I have? Everybody just wants money. Everything is just money money money money, do I Have enough? WIll it last? Will I be able to do something with it? Why do you want all of my money? I can barley afford to live and everybody wants to make it fucking harder than it already is!!!!!!!!!! I cant do this. I really want to die. But i really want to live. I really want to live. But i cant live.

3. I want friends. . .

I want best friends. I want the kind of friends where you all can just hang out together and do stupid shit. I want inside joke kind of friends, I want the sort of friends that make fun of you but you know they dont mean it. I want a specific place for us to hang out and laugh and live.

2. I want to be infinite.

I dont mean immortal. I mean I want to do things. I want freedom. People have freedom given to them while others have to fight for it. I want to take a roadtrip. I want to eat at gas stations with somebody and travel and see the world. I’ve always wanted to see the world but i’ve been locked up in this FUCKING TOWER for so long and now i’m afraid to get out of it. I am afraid to live because I’ve never been able to live before! Why are people born free when I could not leave my house to get the mail?

1. I want to experience love.

I have never loved anybody. For a moment, I thought I loved Chance. But I realized, you cant love somebody who has never loved you. So i didnt love my Mother, or My sisters and brothers or my grandparents. That wasnt love. It was forced affection. Because when you love somebody you make sure they’re in the car before driving away and asking if they are. If you love someone you dont kick them out of your car. If you love somebody you offer to take them home instead of letting them sit in 32 degrees watching their spit freeze, while you let your family treat them like shit just like you did.

But I want to experience love. All kinds of love. I want to know why people like it so much and why the feeling is so euphoric. I want to be held and treated like I am a treasure. Like I am worth something.

Is that love? I will find out one day. I want this. Even if its the only thing I will have. I want it.

I’m on the second to last episode now,

I wonder if the author wanted us to feel bad for people we’ve slut shamed. I wonder if we’re supposed to think about it that way.

I dont know about you but I hate fake people who pretend they’ve killed themselves. I mean I know its a cry for help. But I wish they would go and talk to somebody instead of insisting they sliced their wrists 80 times and got sent to the ER even though their wrists are scarless and havent look liked they were cut ever.

My therapist once sent me to the ER because I told her I was feeling suicidial.

I thought that was utter bullshit.

Because all I had learned to do was lie.

Why are you suicidal honey? *Sniff* My greAT Gran died and I miss her so much and I wish I could talk to her and hug her. Oh baby it’s gonna be okay, Derek she’s not suicidal get her out of here.

See? Then at my next therapy session I had to lie to her and tell her I wasnt suicidal. Which was another lie.

Anybody who has ever asked me about my Great Grandma Elisa knows I hated going to her house and I didnt like her. I’ve never liked her. She was so mean to me. She really was.

But i cant say I cried crocodile tears at her funeral. Or when They woke me up and told me she wasnt breathing and I knew she was dead, and I cried in my sleep. Something I didnt do, and didnt start doing until it was getting really bad again.

Isnt that funny though? How i learned to just lie to everybody instead of telling the truth?

I’m on the last episode now.

I cant make you believe how many times I had to stop this and step away for a moment.

It was honestly too realistic.

Like just the things she said

“I decided to give life one more chance.”

I remember thinking the exact same thing.

and watching it blow it.

Thats always how my emotions have been.

Hannah is stealing razors now.

I remember the day I bought the sleeping pills specifically to kill myself.

I didnt tell my Mom that. I told her I was having trouble sleeping which was true.

I remember telling kids I thought I was taking too much.

I remember pouring handfuls into my own hand and just staring at them. I thought they were really pretty.

I remember sleeping in class because I’d take too many on purpose.

I remember hanging up on 911

I remember calling my ex boyfriend.

I wondered what would happen if he would have answered. I really do.

Probably nothing,

I still would have done it.

I remember swallowing handful after handful.

I remember being carried to the office and hearing your voice in my head.

I remember dying and being at peace.

I remember waking up and screaming and crying.

Because honestly. Suicide doesnt hurt. No. aside from me not being able to eat for a couple weeks without throwing up, or choking up tablets everytime I tried to take a pill.

What hurt was waiting. I waited for life to get better.

It didn’t.

Hannah baker is going to slit her wrists,

I’m mad. This isnt the way it happened in the books. She swallowed pills.

ItsnotrealRosemaryitsnotrealItsnotevenhowithappendinthebooks

This is triggering.

I reserve the right to skip this part.

I cant breathe.

Okay, Okay.

I dont fucking get why people say this show glorifies suicide. We are literally watching a girl die. The worst part is this is how actual people have done it. Oh my god. Oh my god there’s so much blood.

Her parents, Oh my god. Okay that was so fake.

American Horror story did a better job.

Which is probably why it kept me from killing myself. I watched Violet do it and it scared me. It scared me so I didnt do it.

You know when I first read the books I guess I was really confused because I thought Mr Porter raped Hannah. I was like in 8th grade.

Okay so Hannah Baker is still dead. The episode is over.

How are they going to do season 2?

I mean Tyler is Obviously going to shoot up the school and Alex tried to off himself. It’s Obvious Alex isnt going to die. It’s Obvious Tyler isnt going to kill him.

I liked watching this.

I mean aside from it taking me two months to finish because, well it kind of was triggering.

Side note:

I am not contemplating suicide please do not message me or call the cops.

Also for anybody who is.

National Suicide Prevention LifelineCall

1-800-273-8255

#13 reasons why #rw Fabulous #Rosekun25 13rw Suicide notFabulous #SaySomething ClayxHannnah 13RW Savealife

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