#in the pub ted goes to every day.....

[thistableforone]

ted lasso | 2.07

[beybaldes]

my first, my last, my everything

summer sleepover masterlist

roy kent x gn!reader

summary : “i could be your family” requested by the loml @onceuponaoneshotfanfic <33

content warning : readers family are a little mean because they are moving away from home, set pre-ted lasso era.

an : what a cute prompt :(((( domestic roy is something so personal to me :(((( title is based on the song of the same name by barry white !!

It was well known by anyone that had even heard of him that Roy Kent was ‘one tough cookie��� (as Ted had called him in a interview once when he first came to Richmond), and the sentiment had seemed to stick. But back when Roy first asked you out, you knew you were in for a world of romance.

Based on his ‘I don’t like anyone or anything’ aesthetic alone, you figured he’d be a secret softie and the worlds most hopeless romantic - and you’d been totally right. The evening of your first date, he’d shown up with 2 dozen red roses, kept his hand on your thigh the entire car ride, opened every door for you, pulled out every chair for you, and complimented you at every opportunity. When he walked you back to your door, after a night of being a perfect gentleman, he gave you the most searing and passionate kiss of your life, leaving without another word.

After spending half an hour sat in bed debating if his silence after the kiss was his way of letting you down gently, you searched to see if there was any meaning behind the 2 dozen red roses he’d given you.

The traditional romantic message of 24 roses is that of complete devotion, or “I am yours.”

You had no doubt you’d been seeing Roy Kent for a date, and getting kissed by him like that, again.

4 years later, almost each and every day of it spent together, Roy asks you if you’re willing to move across the country with him if the bid from Chelsea goes through and he gets transferred. When he asks, head hung low and his hands in tight fists, you can tell he expects you to say no. Expects you to explain that while you love him, and you’ve loved these last 4 years, that you can’t - won’t - leave Sunderland. He is ready for this to be the biggest heartbreak of his young life and have it ruin every other partner for him.

You say yes in a heartbeat, and seal it with a kiss just a searing as the one he gave you after your first date.

The move down south is long and tiring, but so worth it. You’re closer to Roy’s mum and sister, he gets to play for his childhood team, your work seamlessly transferred you to it’s sister company, and you were living in a beautiful house with the love of your life (who had an incredibly sexy shaggy mullet going on). Life couldn’t have been better.

Except for the fact that your family hadn’t stopped bombarding you with text messages about your move all week. You still had boxes left to unpack and they were already making you regret your decision. Not the decision of moving in with Roy, you’d go fucking anywhere with Roy, but they made it so hard to allow yourself to feel like you’d made the right choice when they were constantly telling you you hadn’t.

Every single one of them was telling you Roy would leave you sooner or later, for some model, footballer, actress or one of the spice girls. One of your uncles even had a bet going with one of his mates from the pub that Roy would fuck all five before then end of his career. To say it made you feel like shit would be an understatement.

“Sunshine, I’m home.” Roy shouted from the front door, kicking it closed behind him and then kicking his shoes off. He’s been doing press about the transfer all day, and he feels terrible having left you in the new house all alone to unpack, but he knows it’s just part of the move, there’s ultimately nothing he can do about it. Still, the only thing he wants to do before he has to go out for another full day of press tomorrow is curl up in your arms, have you run your fingers through his hair, and whisper sweet nothings in his ear about the new life the two of you are going to build together in London. Instead he is met with what seems like a cold and empty house. “Babe? You here?”

You’re sprawled on the couch Roy had insisted was way too big, but looked small now in the middle of the gigantic living room, lazily covered in a throw blanket and only wearing one of Roy’s Sunderland shirts. Even though you’d heard him come in, you didn’t have the strength to call out to him, especially not when your phone was still frantically buzzing against the coffee table every 10 seconds.

“Sunshine? What are you doing in here?” Roy places something down on the kitchen counter and you can hear it thanks to the main rooms open plan, and you can tell he’s getting closer to you because you can hear the soft padding of his feet against the wooden floor. “You okay?”

Even though he wants nothing more then for him to crawl into your arms, he knows you need it more then he does right now. So, before you can resist him, he pulls you into his arms, sitting the two of you upright on the settee with you in his lap, his hand in your hair. “What’s up, buttercup?”

“Nothing Roy-o, just tired. Missed you.” You hid your head in the crook of his neck, hoping that if you burrowed deep enough into his mix of warmth and aftershave, you could hide from the constant buzzing of your phone. “It’s a big house, I feel so small without you here to share it.”

“Give me a week, sunshine, then I can be here all day every day until preseason. And then we’ll be on a pretty similar work schedule.” Roy pressed a kiss to the crown of your head, ghosting a kiss against your temple and the another against the shell of your ear. “It’s going to be perfect. You. Me. Here. It’s all going to work out, sunshine.”

For a moment, you believed Roy and it felt like everything was going to be okay, that you’d made that right choice, and that you and Roy were taking the first step towards the rest of your lives. Then your phone buzzed.

“Fucking hell, babe, you got a fan club or what?” When you didn’t laugh, Roy’s concern only grew, leaning forward and picking up your phone to see what all the commotion was. As he scrolled through message after message from family member after family member, his brow grew tense, and a scowl settled on his face. “What a fucking joke.”

“Roy.”

“No, seriously, they can say all they want about me. I don’t give a fuck. I never have. But about you?” Roy scoffed, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you with him as he leant against the back of the sofa. “You’re fucking related to them and this is how they’re talking to you? It’s a fucking joke.”

“They’re my family, Roy-o, they’re just trying to look out for me, that’s all.” One of your hands moved to run up Roy’s chest, tracing around the embroidered material of the Chelsea badge right over his heart. God, did he look good in blue.

“Some fucking family, to treat you like that.” Roy ran a hand over his forehead, pushing his curls of out his eyes. You loved his hair like this, grown out and curly like in the pictures you’d seen of him as a kid. Maybe one day you’d convince him to push it out of his eyes with a headband. He’d look sexy in a headband. “I could be your family.”

Roy’s hand cupped your jaw, turning your head slowly to face him. When your eyes finally met his, he pressed a soft and long kiss to your lips. You melted into it, the stress of the week and of the messages from your family melting away under Roy’s loving touch. “You’re already my family, Roy. It’s like you said, me, you, here. Besides, you have been since you wormed your way into my heart on our first date with those 2 dozen roses.”

“Funny you’d say that.” Roy whispered, nuzzling his nose against yours, pressing a chaste kiss to your lips then pulling away with a smirk. “Thought the new house could do with some greenery.”

As you turned to look at the kitchen counter, you saw what you could only assume was 2 dozen roses already in vases. It must have been what Roy brought home with him, and suddenly you wished you’d been feeling happier and could’ve appreciated them more when he first walked in the door.

“The traditional romantic message of 24 roses is that of complete devotion, or “I am yours.”” You repeated under your breath, a warm smile brightening your whole face. Roy’s eyes widened, as though he hadn’t necessary expected you to know the meaning behind 2 dozen roses, but he loved you even more for it.

“I am yours.” Roy repeated, voice filled with complete and utter earnest. “And one day I’m going to put a ring in your finger to prove it.”

an : Mwah!!!! Love you guys thank you for reading so far <333

[altschmerzes]

any more details on jamie settling in living with ted + adjusting to that everything you’ve posted is so good

YES ABSOLUTELY here is, in no particular order, an assortment of details about the process of jamie settling into living with ted and adjusting to that new reality:

(cw for non-detailed references to abuse and ptsd symptoms stemming from abuse trauma)

- when ted first takes jamie home from the hospital, roy goes with them. he sleeps on the couch in ted's flat for over a week before he's finally willing to spend the night in his own house (away from jamie) and that is far from the last time he stays at ted's just because neither of them can stand to be away from the kid overnight. eventually, bc it is murder on his back, roy starts sleeping in ted's room with him when he stays over on those nights, bc their dynamic is evolving too as all this is happening and they get a lot closer as they're like, really in the thick of basically co-parenting this kid together. (i am EARNING my platonic co-parenting tag on this fic okay sdlsk) this part isn't so much about jamie but it's a detail about those early days that i think about a lot.

- in the early days jamie really tries to like- he wants it to be Clear that look i'm not asking for anything i'm not entitled to, this is a Business Arrangement or whatever, you're too good a guy to let me go back to my dad after what happened or keep bouncing around my friends' couches like i've been doing while in london, but i know what this is and what it isn't. and ted's just like. respectfully. i do not think you do.

- (bc obviously ted is like. i did not take in an abused sixteen year old to be my roommate. when he talked to michelle on the phone about what he wanted to do, how he wanted to take action not only to get jamie away from james but to bring him home as well, and he wanted to make sure it wasn't going to be a bad decision for henry's sake, michelle told him to go get his kid. that's what this is. as far as ted's concerned, this was his official step into the role of being this boy's father, and he's going to live up to that.)

- even though ted's never raised a hand to him, it's hard for jamie to believe, really internalize and believe that he's safe there. sometimes, something will trigger him and he'll be pretty sure for at least a brief period of time that ted's going to snap and things are going to get bad. one time when this happens and jamie has a particularly bad panic attack as a result, once he gets calmed down and settled a bit, ted decides to try something new to see if it'll help. he first explains that jamie is never, ever going to be hit here, because this is not a hitting family, and ted is not going to scream and holler at him either. he'll make mistakes, and might raise his voice every so often, but he'll do his best not to and he'll always apologize if it happens, because that's not okay here.

and then after that, after making that extremely clear, ted goes on with his new plan for something that might help:

"Until you can believe me, or any time you’re just not sure, that’s the real nice thing about this community we got here, is you’ve got plenty of real good people around you that you can go to. So if I ever do anything that hurts you or scares you, you can call one of them, and they’ll help you and keep you safe. I’m not ever gonna give you a reason to need to make that call, but it’s important you know that it’s a call you can make. So we’re gonna make a list, okay?"

"A list?"

"A list of people you can call, if I ever hurt you or make you think I’m gonna hurt you. So that you can look at it and know you have choices."

so they make a list. (roy is the first name that goes on it. but they add a lot of others too - beard. higgins. julie. sarah kent. rebecca. mae the pub owner, which gets a laugh out of ted.) (it's a big list, and it's a little overwhelming for jamie to look at. he spent a long time suffering and scared on his own, and now he's only got the memory of that, the way living like that has made him afraid even when he's safe, and he has this whole list of people who'd drop anything to get him out of a bad situation if he just made a phone call.) (ted DOESN'T ever give him reason to use it, but while he's working on believing that ted isn't going to hurt him, even now that jamie lives with him even now that ted is becoming, has become his dad it makes him feel just that much safer to know that even if it did happen, he wouldn't be alone again)

- the first time that jamie's friends come over to hang out is a really, really big deal. not just to jamie (who did not bring friends over to his dad's place) and to ted (who knows it's a big step for him to do this, to take up space like that) but to the kidgang too (they've never seen him like this, without the looming threat of what he went home to hanging over him).

[vole-mon-amour]

1x02, rewatch. Part1.

their love for each other. <3 they're such a nice match.

You're a douche, but I love you anyway.

Can you believe they're in love now?

Tbh, I'm surprised about how easygoing and calm Roy is in 1x01 and here. He's more emotional somehow in s3? With more emotions bottled up?

I'm sorry, he has a yellow iphone in s1? Ok then.

Jamie just can't sit straight from DAY ONE. Also, Sam is playing Nintendo. Niiice.

Just yesterday I wrote a post about Jamie being brave for finding his true inner voice and trying to communicate with people. What I find precious is that, aside being mean to Sam and occasionally to his fellow players in s1, Jamie is trying to communicate with Ted anyway, since ep1. Ted asks a question if the snacks are tasty enough, and Roy goes, "Jesus Christ." Jamie, however, walks up to Ted and easily answers. Ted nods to him in gratitude, like, "Thank you. It's noted and will be fixed."

In 1x01, Jamie is ready to go as Keeley walks in, "Sorry, Coach, she ordered me waxing. [...] Unless you want me to stay?" and he ACTUALLY waits for Ted to answer him. It's a show's base for Ted to be awkward and tell Jamie, like, "No, you can go", but if he said that, "Actually, I need you to stay for a moment", I'm sure Jamie would stay. When Jamie is on his way out, he nods to Ted and bumps fists with him in a high five manner.

Like, it's nice gestures. Jamie is actually a nice kid underneath all that abuse and trying to act up to cover for the consequences of that abuse. I'm not saying being mean is justified if you were abused, but I do understand where it's coming from with Jamie. I love this kid.

Jamie's caaar. Keeley will occasionally be Jamie's driver, but she still gets to use that car whenever and however she likes. I'm glad that Jamie's salary allows him to treat people he loves like THAT. Himself, too, obviously.

I forgot how mean Rebecca is in s1, wow. It's like she's a completely different woman compared to s3.

Rebecca & Keeley. <3 Keeley is such a sweetheart.

Can someone explain why the hell did I suddenly fall into some het/bi ship so hard. Like, I always liked Jamie during first two seasons, I just screamed about it on twt instead of tumblr. But jfc, the moment s3 started airing, it's like I turned into a different person (or maybe I finally allowed myself to enjoy this ships in this universe). Maybe it's also bc I binged the first 2 seasons on my own and didn't participate in the fandom. Then there was such a big gap between s2 and s3, and now I'm watching s3 every week and marinade in it, so it's kind of dragging me into this void.

Like, I ship them. Absolutely unironically. S3 Jamie and Keeley kissing when? When you have your ships/ot3 and you'll go down with them.

Again, he participates. He communicates. Roy wouldn't even get involved (many from the team wouldn't tbh), but Jamie? Sorry, but he's a sweetheart as well & I love him with all my heart.

Jamie winking at Keeley, then gently slaps her ass. It's ridiculous that I like this ship this much, really. S3 is gonna murder me and drag my corpse around by the end of it.

Pub dates. <3 They're so wholesome.

Your husband best friend holding your coffee while you play with a teen in a park. <3 They're really cute.

[sillygooseassociation]

idk if this is a headcanon or just a fluffy thought but ted falling in love with the quiet person who reads every night at the pub and that’s the reason why ted has been going there every single day (and coach beard making fun of him because of that 😭)

okay absolutely. he's so intrigued by you like why this pub? and you seem to be reading a different book every day, are you reading multiple books at a time or do you just read that quickly? your taste in books seems so eclectic, there's such a range of topics. he never goes up to talk to you because he doesn't want to interrupt. he just kinda stares at you and then beard notices. beard totally gives him a hard time about it but then ted is just like, "you think you're any different, coach?" beard is just like wtf why would you profile me like that and ted just laughs at him being able to shut up his best friend. then he turns back to you, just appreciating how much you're enjoying the book

[iwouldntstopforaredlight]

Okay so here’s the Ted Lasso theory that no one asked for that I just can’t seem to let go of: I think the crux of this season is Ted’s fear that he is becoming his father.

Wow I know that seems like it comes out of nowhere, but hear me out. The show has been showing Ted’s drinking increasing slowly but steadily as the series continues. It’s been subtle, but there have been moments where it’s felt important that Ted’s drinking be noticed by the viewer. It felt as though this peaked in this episode (2x07), an inordinate division of time seemed to be allocated to the scene of Ted in the pub drinking that second beer; relying on alcohol to soften a hard day. But this wasn’t the only mention of Ted’s drinking in 2x07. While the reference was hidden within a typical folksie Ted story that leaves the audience unsure of how seriously they should take it, he mentions passing out after drinking too much beer while watching citizen Kane during his story about two day old stew. Now, I don’t know if I’m reading too much into this BUT if you look at coach Beard’s face in that moment, he doesn’t look amused like he usually does at Teds antics. He almost looks concerned. Unusual for someone who’s generally shown to be so very in tune with what Ted means.

But what does this mean? Well, I think it might be connected to Ted’s therapy and his father.

Now, we don’t know too much about Ted’s dad. All we know is that he died when Ted was 16, and that he used to take Ted to a sports bar with him every weekend until he passed away. It’s really not too much to go on. So what else do we know? Well we know that Ted hates therapists, he doesn’t believe they genuinely care about/are able to help their patients—so much so that he becomes enraged when simply talking to Dr. Sharon, something very out of character for him. We also know he goes above and beyond to make people feel good and heard when he speaks to them, so much of his charm seems to be his desire to share a genuine connection with everybody he meets. Also interestingly in this episode was his very vocal dedication to ‘never give up on anything’. And this wasn’t the first time we’ve heard this mantra. He mentioned it when he agreed to the divorce with Michelle—one of the most emotional scenes we’ve seen of Ted to date. But how does this all tie together?

‘Believe�� he tells the team. ‘I believe in believe.’ To believe so passionately in belief, who did you have to see fail without it? What did you have to go through with only belief to get you through?

Well … and bear with me here … I think when he was 16, Ted’s father may have committed suicide.

It just seems understandable that in the event of his Dad’s death in this way, Ted felt abandoned and let down by his father. It would even make sense of his anger towards therapy if his father (and/or he himself as a child/his mother) received therapy that Ted views as having had no impact on them; let down when he needed it most by help that didn’t help. ‘I promise you, there is something worse out there than being sad, and that is being a l o n e and being sad.’ How many times have we heard Ted utter the words ‘I appreciate you’. Over and over again, never allowing anyone to doubt their importance or their contribution. And what did he say to Beard: “I love meeting people's moms. It’s like reading an instruction manual as to why they're nuts”.

I even think this may be the cause of his panic attacks too. Now I know the first panic attack we see Ted having was to do with his divorce, but what we (and Ted) heard underneath ‘let it go’ (a song from a CHILDS movie) was not Michelle’s voice, but Henry’s … the son he feels he is abandoning. Now if he still views himself as having abandoned his son, and his drinking is increasing it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to imagine he’s beginning to see similarities between himself and his father. I know I’m making quite a big assumption about his fathers drinking habits, but in all honesty, who else would take a 10 year old child to a sports bar EVERY weekend? (I think there may be a ‘father was a coach’ (… Led Tasso anyone?) element to it too—the darts, the way Jamies fathers screaming so obviously effected and stuck with him, the way he was scared while winning that match, ‘you may think you’re the only one who can see who he really is, but you’re not’—but it hasn’t quite clicked for me yet the way everything else has). The second panic attack I initially believed to be stress related, and I do still believe that, but what if it hit deeper than that. Again the voice playing through his head is not a soundbite about how Richmond needs to win to make it back into the premier league, but rather it’s a memory of Jamie’s father angrily telling him ‘you’re better than that!’, followed by Henry’s awed voice when meeting Jamie. Fathers and sons, and sons and their fathers … always at the heart of his panic.

Even Nate’s storyline itself this season, filled with so much anger and change, seems to be centring around the impact of Nate’s father’s actions on Nates perception of himself and his own actions. It just … well … it seems to coincidental for a show that seems to value its characters so dearly.

When he’s talking to Dr. Sharon, he mentions the ‘gory details’ of his life: ‘the fights, the mistakes, [his] deep dark secrets’. Again I don’t believe he’s talking about Michelle. Not wholly. There seems to be too much tied up in his ability to coach, protect, and connect. His assertion multiple times that ‘wins don’t matter’ when talking with Beard earlier in the series personifies this. Ted is in coaching for the people, not the wins, so why would the potential of a loss or win impact him so much. I feel like I may be reaching again, but still, with the show making the connections between fathers and sons in his panic attack during the game, it makes me think that this mentality, and the way he views coaching, is connected to his father.

A reason for him to so desperately hold onto a lack of significance around the usual primary objective of his profession would seem to be exposure to the negative side of the consequences of that world of thought. Ted views a single minded desire to win as a negative. He values player mental health above all else. I just can’t let the feeling go that this is extremely significant, more so than Ted just being the genuine guy he is. I think people who feel this way to this extreme, in these circumstances especially in this profession, usually have a serious reason why. I think Ted blames himself. I think Ted blames his father. I think he’s pushed it down more than he ever thought. And I think it’s all coming up now.

Now that he’s caring about winning. Now that (in his mind) he’s left his son behind. Left his wife behind. Left his responsibilities behind. And he can’t burden anyone with those feelings. Because he feels it’s his job to make sure no one ever feels that burden again.

[chainofclovers]

Ted Lasso 2x6 thoughts

I felt like the physical embodiment of a series of iconic reaction GIFs while watching this episode. I felt like Higgins gagging on air and right and wrong choices. As an invested, non-casual Ted Lasso viewer, I feel quite absorbed in the experience of every episode, but I’m not usually a LOUD non-casual Ted Lasso viewer. At one point last night, I shouted “This is the wackiest show ever made!” at @bristler, and that doesn’t even sound like something I would say. And by “wacky” I just meant “all the emotions are happening at once.”

This episode was absolutely great and I knew that every single Rebecca Welton feeling I have would intensify because of this episode and that is exactly what happened.

This is me bravely writing down my episode thoughts after only one viewing (just like last week) and a bad night of sleep! Copious spoilers and emotions ahead...

This show goes all in on hats! A lot of bad hats for giving bad relationship advice and making bad decisions! Feel like you’re gonna do something correctly? Just put on a bad hat, that’ll snap you right out of it. Just had a revelation that you are almost certainly in an abusive relationship? Your girlfriend is hiding in the parking lot with a terrible hat for you! (I love this show.)

Dark forest dark forest dark forest dark forest.

I truly, truly, truly do not mean this to sound judgmental of any other fan, but it’s taking everything in my power not to just type “dark forest” in the comments of every person who is outraged that LDN152 is not Ted.

Gonna get my initial thoughts on the Sam=LDN152 reveal out of the way. I honestly like this choice.

First, I like this choice because of who LDN152 isn’t. I think about how awful it would be if she’d matched with Rupert and realized she’d been manipulated by him and charmed by him all over again, and how, when she gets the same reveal the audience already has, she would end up retraumatized by having been charmed and taken in by Rupert all over again. I think about her matching with Nate (if he’d redownloaded the app) and the inadequacy of her assertiveness advice and how Nate is one of the only non-Rupert characters who’s used sexist language against her and how Nate’s insecurities would be like water trying to co-exist with the oil of Rebecca’s insecurities. Nate and Rebecca are fond of each other and seem to want to be in each other’s lives, but a romantic squishing together via dating app would set them both back lightyears. I think about her matching with Ted, a man currently on a parallel-to-Rebecca trek through a very painfully dark forest, a man swinging wildly between performative attempted wit and utter panic. A man she trusts with her professional and personal challenges. [Her challenging mother comes to town and Keeley and Ted are the people she wants with her at lunch.] Ted and Rebecca, with all their current limitations, and with all the ways the forest obscures the view, are trying to be there for each other in their real, non-romantic comedy versions of their lives, and the discomfort of matching on an app seems like the kind of thing that would make them rear back from each other instead of bringing them even closer together. It is not time. It is so profoundly not time that I would have been furious if the writers had continued the “maybe it’s Ted?” line of thought for another second longer than they did.

Second, I like this choice because of who Sam is. I know. He’s not an appropriate match for her. The power dynamics are all messed up and their ages are all wrong. But this does introduce a potentially interesting parallel between Rupert and his younger women and the scrutiny Rebecca would risk herself and Sam experiencing if she goes for it. Rebecca seems to have tried to put away her Rupert-related trauma, but the specter of Rupert is lurking, and I do see that being a good person making an ethically complicated decision with another good person is very different from being an abuser setting out to take advantage of multiple people...but there are parallels she might have to reckon with. Also, Sam is a kind person with a strong ethical center and a well-documented interest in Rebecca. He and Ted helped each other feel more at home in London during a time of deeply missing other homes, and Sam has internalized a lot of Ted’s ways of living in a way that might genuinely appeal to Rebecca even if she doesn’t fully realize why. The writers on this show don’t write messes for the sake of drama. They write messes because life is painful and complicated and also very funny. I’d be shocked if, however this Bantr thing plays out, it isn’t painful and complicated and also funny.

(I am already a little worried that whatever happens next is going to activate some very ironic fan reactions given this is a show whose thesis statement is about withholding judgment. This fear is based not on Ted Lasso-specific knowledge but on unfortunate patterns of fandom, but...you can fear the impact of racist, sexist, and ageist tropes on two beloved characters without embodying those tropes as a viewer. You can watch characters make decisions that could subject them to harmful scrutiny without performing that harm yourself.)

Ted Lasso is a fictional character who tweeted about the joy of eating out (you know...at the Crown and Anchor) the day before 2x6 launched and during 2x6 Rebecca invited him to eat out at the Crown and Anchor. (I love this show.) I am so, so, so fond of all the little lunch-y things in this episode. Ted can’t bring Henry his lunch because he’s “at work” aka living in London. Ted and Beard surprise each other with secret sandwiches on Fridays. Rebecca is overwhelmed by her mother’s visit (her mother’s performance of a harmful pattern) and wants Keeley and Ted there. The scene at the Crown and Anchor, as painful as all the divorce/separation feelings were, was also so homey and lovely in terms of these characters being friends, being at home in a place despite the very not-at-home feelings emanating from Deborah. The Bake-Off viewing! Ted being the designated driver (probably a good thing on this particular day)! Rebecca feeling discomfort but not shutting down! Also cute British pub feelings. Evidence that Rebecca has talked to her mom about Ted! About personal things about Ted!

Naaaaaaate. His bursts of confidence and insight. The pain and insecurity and anger almost literally bubbling under the surface.

I cannot say enough good things about Higgins. He’s grown so much, and his decision to be honest with Beard regarding his concerns about Jane was absolutely impeccably done. Many, many trusted people in Higgins’ life told him not to do it. They are all good people, and they were all wrong. Sometimes one human being’s honesty makes the difference for someone who is struggling, and that’s exactly what happened here. Beard truly heard Higgins. And of course he didn’t immediately break things off with Jane. But he heard Higgins, and when Jane showed up Beard’s face looked different than it ever has, and Higgins words are with him as he walks off into the night with Jane and that might save him. And Rebecca witnessed it.

And I’m so glad she witnessed Higgins’ choice in the midst of this very difficult experience of a) trying to find Ted because she knows he’s in pain and being unable to and b) watching her mother repeat a pattern that Rebecca herself was able to break. It taught me so much about Rebecca. The way she was punished (and described the experience using the language of punishment) for having an honest reaction to her mother’s decision to leave her father the first time. The way she was taught that love is conditional, that love and reconciliation are things you can purchase with gifts. The way her mother uses the language of self-help without internalizing what it would take to heal, and probably has little use for actual therapy. The way her mother drinks alcohol as a way to feel free.

I don’t even know how to think, much less write, about everything with Roy’s coaching and his image and how Ted feels about it and all the fatherhood things Jamie brings up and all the fatherhood things Ted is missing w/r/t Nate and everyone except for Rebecca taking at face value (or willfully deciding to take at face value) the idea that Ted’s panic attack is actually just him needing to go barf up a fish pie. Ted hugging his backpack in Sharon’s office. Rebecca trying to find him, and Sharon being the one who does. The words “I wanna make an appointment” being the words that conclude the episode at the exact midpoint of the planned-for show. Halfway through the middle season. The moment Ted realizes he’s never going to be okay if he doesn’t give therapy a try.

I also can’t say enough good things about the moment with the team and Sharon, the way she agrees to one drink, the way it’s clear that she adores them all. Sharon is exacting and professional without being cold and calculating, and everything she does in this episode is such a gorgeous model of assertiveness, patience, and moderation...three things Ted struggles with the most.

What a dark forest. What an excellent group of humans.

[belasso-archive]

after rupert, rebecca was sure she'd never marry again. he'd taken so much of her life, using the marriage as a prison to keep her from being herself or doing what she wanted to do. as free and relieved as she felt after the divorce, it took some time for her to be okay on her own. then she met ted, who made becca feel much less alone, much less like she was wandering and lost, and much more like she had found a new home. and then, to her surprise, she fell in love with him. easily. not willingly, at first, but eventually, she gave in. now, years later, and she's rubbing sweaty palms together nervously as she paces back and forth in the women's bathroom.

the ring box is in her purse, a simple silver band, their initials engraved on the inside ( cheesy, she knows, but ted would love it ). she's nervous. rebecca welton is nervous! she goes back and forth, wondering if she had enough courage to do it. she wanted to do something special for him, set up something extravagant, but now they were in the pub, and he had smiled at her from across the table, the same way he always does, and she felt as if she couldn't wait. you can do this, she says to herself, taking a breath as she stares at herself in the mirror. you're a boss ass bitch.

one more breath is taken before rebecca barges from the bathroom, beelining for the table ted still sat at, and standing tall. ' ted lasso, ' she says a bit too loudly. the pub quiets, but she isn't paying attention to them. only ted is in her vision as she glances down before lowering to one knee. ' if you would have asked me when you first arrived whether or not i would - would love you this much, i would have laughed in your face, ' brows are furrowed as she tries to find the right words, one hand reaching into her bag to grasp the ring box. ' but you... everyone falls in love with you. i guess i couldn't be far behind, ' now pink lips upturn just so, eyes beginning to water involuntarily as she lifts the box and opens it to reveal the silver band. ' coach lasso - ted... will you marry me? ' if he says no, rebecca doesn't know what she'd do.

when  ted  married  michelle,     he  promised  her  forever,     and  she  had  clamed  the  same.          life  has  a  funny  way  of  derailing  your  plans.     however,     he  harbors  no  ill-will  towards  his  now  ex-wife  for  divorcing  him  in  order  to  search  for  her  own  happiness.     their  vows  were  only  words  that  couldn’t  stand  the  test  of  time,     ted’s  found  that  not  much  in  life  is  capable  of  doing  that.     nothing  truly  lasts  forever.     and  marriages,     while  feeling  concrete  at  the  time,     can  meet  their  ends.     and  after  his  did  just  that,     he  couldn’t  even  imagine  dating  again,     much  less  proposing  again.     but  then  somewhere  between  baking  biscuits,     and  proclaiming  feelings,     ted  fell  in  love  with  rebecca  welton.     the  kind  of  love  he  thought  was  only  capable  of  achieving  if  you  happened  to  star  in  a  hallmark  movie.     wholeheartedly,     hopeless  to  fight  it,     adoration.     it  was  as  if  his  soul  was  whole  again,     and  he  couldn’t  bear  to  let  her  go.     dating  her,     marrying  her.  .  .     it  was  hardly  even  something  he  had  to  ponder.     he  wants  it  all  with  her.

they  don’t  have  scheduled  date  nights,     per  se,     but  it  does  seem  that  most  wednesday  evenings  they  wind  up  in  some  pub  or  another,     cheering  pints,     and  playing  footsie  below  the  bar.     it’s  easily  become  ted’s  favorite  weekday  activity,     even  if  he  gets  to  see  her  every  single  day.     is  privileged  enough  to  wake  up  to  her  soft,     blonde  curls,     and  sleepy  morning  smile.  .  .     you  know  what,     scratch  what  he  said  before.     maybe  he  just  enjoys  every  activity  if  rebecca  is  involved.     said  woman  had  excused  herself  a  few  minutes  prior  to  use  the  restroom,     leaving  ted  alone  to  nurse  his  beer.     the  ring  box  in  his  pocket  feels  almost  heavier,     an  illusion  of  the  mind  of  course,     but  he’d  been  carrying  the  jewelry  around  with  him  for  about  a  month  now,     awaiting  the  perfect  moment  to  fall  to  one  knee.     he  didn’t  want  to  plan  a  whole  event  to  propose,     he  wants  it  to  come  naturally,     just  like  saying  i  love  you.     and  the  skip  of  his  heart  seems  to  confirm  that  today  is  it.

he’s  contemplating  when  he  should  do  it,     when  rebecca  returns  from  the  washroom.     she  strides  over  like  she’s  a  woman  on  a  mission,     and  all  ted  can  do  is  watch  wide-eyed  as  her  voice  commands  the  room.     ted  lasso,     she  declares,     to  which  he  grants  her  his  full  undivided  attention.     he’s  pretty  sure  he’s  dreaming.     he  has  to  be.     because  now  she’s  on  her  knee,     presenting  him  with  a  ring.     brown  eyes  are  swimming  with  unshed  tears,     smile  so  bright  it  rivals  the  glow  of  the  sun,     and  every  single  star  in  the  night  sky.          “     well,     this  sure  is  awkward,     ”          ted  starts,     with  a  watery  laugh.     hands  have  settled  into  a  tremor,     one  he  would  normally  loathe,     but  today  it’s  good  nerves.     he  fumbles  in  his  pocket  for  a  moment,     before  brandishing  his  own  ring  box,     a  soft  pink,     only  to  reveal  the  ring  inside-     silver  and  sleek,     diamonds  glittering.           “     you  beat  me  to  the  punchline     --     always  two  steps  ahead  of  me,     ”          the  pure  love  that  drips  from  his  words  would  be  enough  to  drown  anyone.           “     call  me  bruno  mars  because:     hey  baby,     i  think  i  wanna  marry  you-     ”

[alexromero]

I feel like S/R is just a ploy for the press to come after R, but how NO ONE went lol wtf he's your 21 employee has me worried they're going to revisit it later. That + Ted/Sassy happening again (even if I don't think they'll be a thing) has me thinking the writers will pull a "soulmates aren't necessarily romantic" bs by the end. Never trust male writers.

you know anon, I think after this last episode I've begun to let go of my expectations just a little. there's a lot to be said for the way the show has dealt with this relationship (s/r) thus far that can't be erased. that, I think is an incredibly valid point to uphold the show to. now, as far as ted and rebecca goes... this episode exceeded my expectations. especially after episode eight.

I want to withhold my opinion overall until I see the last two episodes but if they're anything like episode ten... I'm genuinely excited once again to see where these two characters are going. I know this season is going to end in an incredibly dark and sad tone. that's been known since before the season aired.

that being said... I find it very hard to believe these writers would take the time to weave such an intricate and intimate relationship between these two characters not to go there. and I'm not saying this through any kind of subjectivity here. I'm saying in from an objective and practical stand point. Jason strikes me as a smart kind of guy. sure, as a writer he's made mistakes this season, especially with rebecca, but overall he has a vision. his vision for season two was individual journeys for both of these characters. whether we liked their journeys respectively, that's a whole other argument (one I've made before and we all know.)

going back to jason. he spent the better part of three to six months trying to find the perfect actress to play the role of rebecca. they went as far as auditioning famous celebrities and people apple wanted to pick. yet, jason picked hannah because she fit the role the best. it was the person he envisioned for the role of rebecca. he already has, in his mind, mapped out these journey for both of these characters and I don't see it being where they don't go to the full depth of their emotional capacities as adults who got divorced, underwent such intense traumas and came out of it to find one another. it's just a lot there for it to be this friendship in passing, where ted ends up with someone he's barely gotten to fully know. at least, know like he knows rebecca and connected w/ her the second they locked eyes.

what this season has shown us, both through them and through us as the audience, is just how much they rely and depend on one another. how much rebecca, no matter how many men she physically connects w/ (because I do find it interesting that she sleeps with sam at the first chance she gets & I don't say this in a judgemental tone, but in a "hey isn't it funny she was looking for an emotional connection and when she finds out its sam she immediately has sex with? funny how she's been using sex to cope all season as opposed to really opening herself up for a genuine connection w/ someone? & why she felt compelled to use two apps to make that happen?") it's all very interesting w/ rebecca because while she is putting herself out there, she's all holding back. she needs ted for all of her emotional needs (needing him at the pub w/ her mum, needing him at the funeral, needing him through food as she still relies on those biscuits, needing to know he's okay during his panic attack and needing him for emotional support during a talk w/ her mum) like we've seen how rebecca relies on this kind of emotional intimacy that should she ever really date someone and she still needs ted in this way... it would be awkward because a relationship, a romantic one that can last, begins in friendship and slowly morphs into what we see with rebecca in this season (the emotional validation and comfort ted brings to her.) this season for rebecca was about finding out what she doesn't want and for letting go. letting go of her father and her resentment and anger towards him. which is why she breaks it off with sam after. she has to let him go. let go of all the things she knows are only adding to the weight of her anger and grief. now, I know a lot of people aren't satisfied w/ the way she ended things because it leaves the "door open." tbh, rebecca in that moment realizes that he's... a kid. not in the infantilizing way but in the way that young people who are infatuated halfway in love with someone are. keeley tells her to be gentle. for rebecca, gentle is living that door open for sam and not shutting him off completely from the possibility of love for the future. not with her. but she doesn't want to be the one to make him resent love. a lot like her dad did and rupert.

for ted, I see it as a defense mechanism. he's incredibly afraid of a lot of things this season that have been bubbling since season one. his arc this season is all about overcoming his fears of not being present enough, or being enough for everyone. it's about his fear of not doing the right thing by everyone and forgetting to do well for himself. he's also someone who compartmentalizes. a lot. I mean, he thought that if he put the issues with his wife on pause and he left to Richmond, that somehow would fix their problems. time. he thought time would do it. but he's coming to realize that things are ever-changing and that sometimes the thing you may want is not really the thing you need. change is a hard thing for ted, just like it's a lot for other people (rebecca*). it also stems from his father's death. not just his death, but the way he did. ted is always afraid of losing people. of the suddenness of that loss and he's trying to overcome that fear this season. which is why I wouldn't be surprised to find out ted is scared of loving again. he's probably felt something for rebecca that is so strong and so scary he's... compartmentalized it for another day. he's also not aware yet of just how much he depends on rebecca. that need to bake for her every single day? that's stability. but once he found out she started dating? boy did he get spooked and started to withdraw. if you are at a distance, nothing can hurt you right?

this is just a tidbit into the many other thoughts I've had about this but I will say this... for someone who used to be afraid, like really don't the entire trajectory, I don't anymore. I'm certain that this is a love story where these two people come together. they are bound to one another by time (September 13, 1991 to be exact), and no other relationship, of love because that's what this show is about, can ever be it for either.

[belmottetower]

002: Roy

How I feel about this character:  I love him. I love the growth he goes on throughout the show, I love how much he cares and how passionate he is. When he realises he's fucked up, he addresses it immediately. He's not comfortable talking about his feelings, but he does when he needs to. He feels things very deeply and he doesn't always know what to do with that, but he's trying to get better.

All the people I ship romantically with this character:  Keeley Jamie

My non-romantic OTP for this character:  Beard. They get each other. I would watch so many scenes of them communicating without words.

My unpopular opinion about this character:  I...don't think I have any? I think for the most part he is so loved by people that I don't think I think anything unpopular about him.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: For him and Jamie to kiss. If Ted does go back to America at the end of S3, I would like Roy to be the new Richmond manager.

my OTP: Roy/Jamie/Keeley Roy/Jamie

my cross over ship: Oh god. I'm struggling to think of things I like that aren't Ted Lasso. Oh I know, ok this is so silly, but a friend of mine who writes wrote a jokey snippet in which Phil's character in Strike Back, Will, had a slightly different ending and then Roy met him in a pub in Chelsea and they hooked up. So let's go with Roy Kent/Will Jensen.

a headcanon fact: Roy does not do Whatsapp group chats. I think I have included this in 80% of the fic I've written. He is in one (1) with Keeley and Jamie, and another one (1) with the yoga mums for gossip purposes, but every other Whatsapp group chat he gets added to he leaves immediately. Every time. Sometimes multiple times a day because Colin has a death wish and keeps trying to add him back to the teams chat.

[avinaccia]

A Completely Objective and Logical Ranking of Every Hetalia Character Song

New character songs are dropping,  I have too much time on my hands, let’s go. 

Also here’s a Youtube playlist for the ~✨nostalgia✨~

Bring it on in the tags 

71. Ah Legendary Class⭐The Awesome Me Highway [Prussia]: Absolutely tearing it up on the drums and on the vocal cords alike (I pray for Atsushi Kousaka). Great for the memes. 

70.  Happy Thoughts Museum [???]: This is listed as an official song but I had literally never heard of the title. Then I listened to it and BAM! Smack back to 2013 watching the teasers for the show on Funimation. Not sure I’d count it as a character song though...

69. (Nice)  My Song that is written by me for me [Prussia]: Deafened me but I can appreciate the industrial grind.

68.  My House is...Quiet. ~With the Trolls~ [Norway]: I have never heard this song, nor can I find any version of it online. By default it goes here and I am so sorry Norge.

67.  Make a Wish to Santa♪ [Sealand]: The discordant notes and childish exuberance only serve to make this sound like a demonic plea to Santa to eliminate the singer’s enemies.

66.  Heaven and Hell on Earth [Rome]: Rome sounds like he’s been in the corner of a restroom. Extra points for the metal version, minus points for the fact that the beach scene was replayed like 1764 times.

65. Canada Complete Introduction [Canada]: Quiet af until Kumacheerio shows up and blows out your speakers. they did you dirty my darling 😔

64.  It’s Easy!!! [America]: I don't think any video of this has ever stayed up for more than 20 seconds. Sounds cool, but like I was listening to 20 different genres at once, someone make him calm down.

63.  Bù Zàiyì the Small Stuff ☆ [China]: I cannot for the life of me find the complete song anywhere, clips have a cool beat though

62.  Let's Boil Hot Water♪ [Italy]: Exactly what it says on the tin..though a bit too close to elevator music for my tastes.

61.  The Fragrance of Early Summer [Japan]: Very ‘from the books’ Japan-esque song

60.  Peace Sounds Nice…[Baltic Trio]: All well and good until the radio demon shows up

59.  W●D●C ~World Dancing~ [America]: How a song can sound like it’s from 4 different decades at once is beyond me

58.  Overflowing Passion [BFT]: This is just drunken karaoke and I have 0 clue what’s going on #iconicforallthewrongreasons

57. Ren●Ren●Renaissance♪ [Rome+Chibitalia]: Wholesome Grandpa with Grandson content - barring the fact that Italy sounds on the verge of a nervous breakdown and Rome has had too much wine.

56.  Roma Antiqua [Rome]: Similar energy to any one of China’s songs - there’s a part of the song where it sounds like he’s singing in the shower, and I will never not laugh at [CENSORED]

55.  Country From Where the Sun Rises, Zipangu [Japan]: Very chill, very Japan, but just meh for me.

54.  Moon Over Emei Shan [China]: Good message, okay song.

53.  My Friend [England]: What a mind palace you must have Mr. Kirkland

52.  With Love, from Iceland [Iceland]: Three words: Heavy. Metal. Puffin.

51.  Having Friends is Nice...♫ [Russia]: Russia is the cutest thing ever

50.  Mm. [Sweden]: Smooth transition from WWE Smackdown to shopping at IKEA.

49.  Why don’t you come over? ~Beyond the Northern Lights~ [Iceland]: I don’t want to be mean but...this does sound like the second closing theme to an anime whose first closing was much more popular (à la Soul Eater)

48. Gakuen☆Festa [Germany, Italy, Japan]: Sounds like a 60s song of the summer but oh dear their voices do not go together. Hella cute though.

47.  Wa! Wa!! World Ondo [Main Cast]: One time I travelled 10 hours in a coach bus with a bunch of teenagers to a city of note in my country, and the only souvenir I bought was the fucking PAINT IT WHITE DVD. Perfectly chaotic, UN ĐĕùX~~

46.  In the Bluebell Woods [England]: In the album cover for this song he’s holding a guitar but this is not a rock song. Still has ‘running through the hills’ levels of dramatism though.

45.  Poi Poi Poi♪ [Taiwan]: You’re telling me that Taiwan, someone whose has *ONE LINE* in Beautiful World (which is criminal tbh what kind of representation-) managed to get an eNTIRE CHARACTER SONG???????

44.  White Flame [Russia]: There’s something to be said for a song that is 3x the length of any Hetalia episode

43.  Ich liebe… [Germany]: Baking cakes for your friends has never been so wholesome.

42.  We Wish you a Merry Christmas [America, China, England, France, Russia]: Nice to see they’ve gotten their shit together since United Nations Sta-hmm.

41.  Ah, Worldwide à la mode [France]: Sounds like a Disney Princess song, hard not to picture France frolicking in a field of flowers.

40.  Che Bello! ~My House is the Greatest!⭐~ [Italy]: Would not be out of place in an advertisement for Sea World.

39.  May You Smile Today [Japan]: THE feel good song of the summer

38.  Let’s Look Behind the Rainbow [Italy]: I will protect you.

37.  I'm your HERO☆ [America]: “Anyone who’s sad or sullen will be arrested” did NOT age well.

36.  Mein Gott! [Prussia]: Alternating headphone effect at the beginning is cool, so is the confidence...the actual singing on the other hand...

35. Nihao⭐China [China]: Listen, all of China’s character songs are great, I just can’t vibe with this one like some of the others.

34.  Pechka ~Light My Heart~ [Russia]: I’m still having difficulty wrapping my head around the fact that this and Winter were released at the same time.

33.  Pukapuka⭐Vacation [Germany, Italy, Japan]: Seems just a bit too much like they’re running on a treadmill that’s picking up speed and trying to sing at the same time. Peppy.

32.  Santa Claus is Coming to Town [Germany, Italy, Japan]: This is unironically the best song sung by this trio; can only vibe with for two months out of the year though.

31.  Excuse Me, I Am Sorry [Japan]: Japan’s character traits speedrun. Gives me barbershop quartet vibes for some reason but is catchy as hell.

30.  The Story of Snow and Dreams [Russia]: A superhero anime opening in the making

29. England’s Evil Demon Summoning Song [England]: Sir that is not how you roast a marshmallow, don’t cut yourself on that edge.

28.  Moi Moi Sauna♪ [Finland]: Exactly the type of song you’d expect and it’s wonderful

27.  United Nations Star⭐ [America, China, England, France, Russia]: This isn’t as much of a song as it is a four minute struggle for everyone to sing without America yelling every 5 seconds...Like a particularly musical episode of Hetalia.

26.  Paris is Indeed Splendid [France]: Paris-pa-pa-pa-paris

25.  Absolutely Invincible British Gentleman [England]: Poppy, rocky, polka-dotty

24.  Vorwärts Marsch! [Germany]: To quote the comment section: “This sounds like a German version of I’ll Make a Man out of you.” There’s some truth to that.

23.  Hamburger Street [America]: The product of America’s rapper phase. 8/10 because he’s trying so hard and because I can unironically sing along to all of this.

22.  Hoi Sam☆Nice Guy [Hong Kong]: A song that would absolutely destroy the ankles of anyone in DDR.

21.  I Am German-Made [Germany]: There was once a version that had Germany and Prussia singing at the same time and it sounded positively demonic and Broadway could never

20.  La pasión no se detiene ~Unstoppable Passion~ [Spain]: Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show-stopping...

19.  Fall in Love, Mademoiselle [France]: Sounds like it should be in Mozart Opera Rock, I have kiss kiss falled in love.

18. Embrace the Très Bien Moi [France]: This is the definition of SELF LOVE PEOPLE. 

17. Carrot and Stick [Belarus&Ukraine]: Absolutely DRIPPING in 2000s power ballad energy. The type of song that plays on repeat in the mind of the widow whose millionaire husband ‘mysteriously disappeared’ (and the only legit character song ever acknowledged by the anime)

16. C.B.C (Cowboyz Boot Camp) Vol. 1 [America]: AH MAH GAWWDDD

15. Winter [Russia]: Heavy metal fever dream and the perfect song for an angst-ridden teenager

14.  Seychelles Here ⭐ Vacation Island [Seychelles]: UN👏DER👏RA👏TED SONG👏OF 👏THE 👏SUM👏MER👏

13.  Nah, it will settle itself somehow [Romano]: One day I aspire to reach this level of chill

12.  Let’s Enjoy Today [England]: I will never not feel happy when listening to this.

11.  Einsamkeit [Germany]: Ludwig manages to air every single one of his worries about not being good enough compared to his friends and always being perceived as mean or uptight when he’s actually just a softie and now my heart hurts. 💔

10.  Aiyaa Four Thousand Years [China]: A very poignant and beautiful song about the passage of time and the inevitability of its passing; comparable to an ancient ballad complete with explosive crescendos and meaningful lyrics.

9.  Bon Bon Bon❤️C’est Bon C’est Bon! [France]: Peppy, cheerful, adorable, groundbreaking; has been my alarm tone for six years and I’ve yet to tire of it. 9/10 The moaning interspersed throughout has been an interesting wake-up call.

8.  Let’s Enjoy! Let’s Get Excited! Cheers! [Denmark]: This is on par with Everytime we Touch by Cascada in terms of rage potential unlocked (the good kind)

7.  Dream Journey [Japan]: Whoever’s playing the shakuhachi is absolutely KILLING IT. Dramatic, wonderful, great metaphors.

6.  Gourmet’s Heart Beginner Level [China]: Absolute banger, I’m a vegetarian but this would inspire me to eat shumai.

5.  Always with you...Nordic Five! [Nordic FIVVVVVEEEE]: Everyone harmonizes beautifully except for Denmark. Extremely catchy, number placement seemed appropriate. 

4.  Pub and GO! [England]: I love this trash man

3. Maji Kandou⭐Hong Kong Night [Hong Kong]: If you thought Denmark’s song was a banger JUST YOU WAIT. I WILL BLOW OUT MY SPEAKERS LISTENING TO LO-HA-SU.

2. Steady Rhythmus [Germany]: THIS SONG IS METAL AF. Seriously, if it can be classified as ‘hardcore’ by my father and his group of 50-somethings who have decided to single-handedly gatekeep the metal and hardrock genres, it can do anything.

1.  The Delicious Tomato Song 🍅 [Romano]: Beautiful, absolutely awe-inspiring, poignant, catchy lyrics with an extremely deep meaning that only years of meticulous research and analysis can unlock, Romano I love you.

BONUS: Closing Songs

5. Hatafutte Parade (World Series) 

4. Hetalian⭐Jet (The World Twinkle): The song is good, the dancing is cursed 

3. Chikyuu Marugoto Hug Shitainda (World⭐Stars)

2. Marukaite Chikyuu (Hetalia: Axis Powers): nE NE PaPA

1. Mawaru Chikyuu Rondo (The Beautiful World)

[girlactionfigure]

Why I’m Leaving Mumford & Sons

I loved those first tours. Bouncing off a sweaty stage in an Edinburgh catacomb we then had to get to a gig in Camden by lunch the next day. We couldn’t fit all four of us and Ted’s double-bass into the VW Polo. I think it was Ben who drew the short-straw and had to follow by train with his keyboard. I remember blitzing it down the M6 through the night, the lads asleep beside me. We made it but my voice sadly didn’t, completely shot by exhaustion, I had to mime my harmonies. Being in Mumford & Sons was exhilarating.

Every gig was its own adventure. Every gig its own story. Be it odysseys through the Scottish Islands, or soapbox shows in Soho. Where would we sleep that night? Hostels in Fort William, pub floors in Ipswich, even the Travelodge in Carlisle maintains a sort of charm in my mind. We saw the country and then, as things miraculously grew, the world. All the while doing what we loved. Music. And not just any music. These songs meant something. They felt important to me. Songs with the message of hope and love. I was surrounded by three supremely talented song-writers and Marcus, our singer with a one-in-a-million voice. A voice that can compel both a field of 80,000 and the intimacy of a front room. Fast-forward ten years and we were playing those same songs every night in arenas, flying first-class, staying in luxury hotels and being paid handsomely to do so. I was a lucky boy.

On stage, to my left Ted, a roaring bear, with his double-bass flying high above him. To my right Ben, with his unparalleled passion for music, pounding at the keys. And Marcus leading us with all the might of a hurricane or all the tenderness of a breeze, depending on what the song demanded. What a blessing it was to be so close to such talent as theirs. It will be with immense pride that I look back at my time with Mumford & Sons. A legacy of songs that I believe will stand the test of ages. What we’ve achieved together has vastly exceeded the wildest fantasies of this shitkicker from Mortlake.

Who in their right mind would willingly walk away from this?

It turns out I would. And as you might imagine it’s been no easy decision.

At the beginning of March I tweeted to American journalist Andy Ngo, author of the New York Times Bestseller, Unmasked. “Congratulations @MrAndyNgo. Finally had the time to read your important book. You’re a brave man”. Posting about books had been a theme of my social-media throughout the pandemic. I believed this tweet to be as innocuous as the others. How wrong I turned out to be.

Over the course of 24 hours it was trending with tens of thousands of angry retweets and comments. I failed to foresee that my commenting on a book critical of the Far-Left could be interpreted as approval of the equally abhorrent Far-Right.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Thirteen members of my family were murdered in the concentration camps of the Holocaust. My Grandma, unlike her cousins, aunts and uncles, survived. She and I were close. My family knows the evils of fascism painfully well. To say the least. To call me “fascist” was ludicrous beyond belief.

I’ve had plenty of abuse over the years. I’m a banjo player after all. But this was another level. And, owing to our association, my friends, my bandmates, were getting it too. It took me more than a moment to understand how distressing this was for them.

Despite being four individuals we were, in the eyes of the public, a unity. Furthermore it’s our singer’s name on the tin. That name was being dragged through some pretty ugly accusations, as a result of my tweet. The distress brought to them and their families that weekend I regret very much. I remain sincerely sorry for that. Unintentionally, I had pulled them into a divisive and totemic issue.

Emotions were high. Despite pressure to nix me they invited me to continue with the band. That took courage, particularly in the age of so called “cancel culture”. I made an apology and agreed to take a temporary step back.

Rather predictably another viral mob came after me, this time for the sin of apologising. Then followed libellous articles calling me “right-wing” and such. Though there’s nothing wrong with being conservative, when forced to politically label myself I flutter between “centrist”, “liberal” or the more honest “bit this, bit that”. Being labeled erroneously just goes to show how binary political discourse has become. I had criticised the “Left”, so I must be the “Right”, or so their logic goes.

Why did I apologise?

“Rub your eyes and purify your heart — and prize above all else in the world those who love you and who wish you well.” — Aleksander Solzhenitsyn once wrote. In the mania of the moment I was desperate to protect my bandmates. The hornets’ nest that I had unwittingly hit had unleashed a black-hearted swarm on them and their families. I didn’t want them to suffer for my actions, they were my priority.

Secondly, I was sincerely open to the fact that maybe I did not know something about the author or his work. “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak,” Churchill once said, “courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen”. And so I listened.

I have spent much time reflecting, reading and listening. The truth is that my commenting on a book that documents the extreme Far-Left and their activities is in no way an endorsement of the equally repugnant Far-Right. The truth is that reporting on extremism at the great risk of endangering oneself is unquestionably brave. I also feel that my previous apology in a small way participates in the lie that such extremism does not exist, or worse, is a force for good.

So why leave the band?

On the eve of his leaving to the West, Solzhenitsyn published an essay titled ‘Live Not By Lies’. I have read it many times now since the incident at the start of March. It still profoundly stirs me.

“And he who is not sufficiently courageous to defend his soul — don’t let him be proud of his ‘progressive’ views, and don’t let him boast that he is an academician or a people’s artist, a distinguished figure or a general. Let him say to himself: I am a part of the herd and a coward. It’s all the same to me as long as I’m fed and kept warm.”

For me to speak about what I’ve learnt to be such a controversial issue will inevitably bring my bandmates more trouble. My love, loyalty and accountability to them cannot permit that. I could remain and continue to self-censor but it will erode my sense of integrity. Gnaw my conscience. I’ve already felt that beginning.

The only way forward for me is to leave the band. I hope in distancing myself from them I am able to speak my mind without them suffering the consequences. I leave with love in my heart and I wish those three boys nothing but the best. I have no doubt that their stars will shine long into the future. I will continue my work with Hong Kong Link Up and I look forward to new creative projects as well as speaking and writing on a variety of issues, challenging as they may be.

Winston Marshall

[sherreenwrites]

Heartbreak Anniversary.

He’s tired. He’s really tired. He’s spent the entire day busying himself with work, focusing on the match, and throwing all his energy into managing the team. He was trying to distract himself, but it wasn’t working. He knew it wasn’t working. Ever since he opened his eyes this morning, he felt an ache in his chest, and it’s been there ever since. He was tired. He was too tired to joke, too tired to smile, too tired to even celebrate with the team after they won. And they noticed. This dimmed version of Ted wasn’t something they were used to, and they walked around him with confused looks and stolen shrugs at each other that he saw anyway.

“Hey Coach, aren’t you coming?” Beard asked him as the team was leaving the locker room, on their way to have a drink at the pub — a standing tradition whenever they won a match now.

He shook his head, “You go ahead.”

“You okay?” Beard asked, and Ted nodded, even though he really wasn’t. But Beard knew not to push him too much. He looked at him knowingly, and nodded, tapping the door with his palm before he turned around and left. He breathed deeply then, turning in his chair. He breathed as deeply as he could, but it was like he couldn’t get enough air.

He remembered this day. He remembered it so clearly. One year ago was the day he signed the divorce papers. So much has happened that day, he knows. He remembers it so vivdly, still. The panic that held him hostage. The feeling of watching something you love slip away from you, and not knowing what to do about it, and knowing there is nothing you can do about it. The way Rebecca was there.

Rebecca.

He closes his eyes, leaning his head back against the chair, and breathes, and it feels like bricks are sitting on his bones.

So he gets up, and he walks out.

—

Rebecca doesn’t want to go home. She doesn’t want to be alone. Instead, she’s in her office. Which, ironically, is just as empty at her house. She sits alone on the couch, flipping through her phone, feet up on the table. Keeley remembered what day it was — that’s how much of a good friend she is. She quite literally begged Rebecca to go out with them and have a drink.

“Come on, babe,” Keeley said, pouting at her. “It’ll get your mind off of things.”

But Rebecca didn’t feel like celebrating. She didn’t feel like spending the night with the boys, watching them laugh and drink away their happiness of their fifth win in a row this season. She shook her head firmly and said, “No. I’ll be fine. You go ahead.”

Reluctantly, Keeley left. She knew that once Rebecca decided something, she did it, anyway. She hoped she’d change her mind, texting her every few minutes to check up on her, but Rebecca always said the same thing: I’m fine.

She gets up now, walking around her office. Why is she still here? She doesn’t really know. All she knows is that she sat on that couch after everyone left, and couldn’t get herself to get up. It’s her wedding anniversary, the second one since she left. Two years and she’s still stuck in her place. Two years and she’s still alone — though not really. She has a family now. She has friends who care about her and love her and see her — really see her. She knows she’s not alone. Not completely. But there’s still a kind of loneliness she feels, because it’s been two years and she still goes home to an empty bed.

She walks around her office, and she sees something outside her window. She walks closer and leans against the glass, looking outside. The night sky is glistening with stars, scattered and lost. Are they as lost as her? Are they alone, too? She looks out at the pitch, lit up by the stadium lights, empty except for a figure, lying down in the middle of it.

She already knows it’s him. And the sudden relief that fills her up at the thought of him still being here is a revelation: she’s stayed here this long, hoping he was, too.

—

She walks out into the field, in her heels. She stands on the sidelines, looking out at him as he becomes clearer. He’s lying down on the grass, sprawled out, looking up at the stars. One hand rests on his chest, right above his heart, she imagines. He’s resting his head on his other arm. She breathes, trying to decide what to do. She considers turning around and leaving, he hadn’t even noticed she’s here yet. She could turn around and leave him alone. Leave him be. But she doesn’t want to.

“Ted,” she calls out to him. He turns his head from his place, looking up at her.

“Oh, hey, boss,” he says. “I thought everyone went home.”

“Apparently not,” she says, hugging herself tighter. “Are you alright, Ted?”

“Swell,” he nods, raising his empty hand to form an okay sign. He turns his head back and looks up at the sky, letting his hand fall back on his chest. He sighs audibly. “I’m great.”

He sounds different. She can tell. She can always tell now when it comes to him, and he can, too. The slightest shift in his tone. The smallest change in her eyes. They notice.

She stands in place, looking at him breathe. She doesn’t know what she wants, or what she’s doing. She doesn’t know anything, except that Ted is here, and for the first time in hours, she feels relieved. He doesn’t know what to do either. He’s tired. He’s too tired. He thought about getting up and going to her, but he couldn’t bring himself to move, the weight on his chest pressing him down further. He looks up at the sky and the stars and the moving clouds, and he wonders, are you home? Are they tired, too?

“Are you coming out here or what, boss?”

She looks out at the pitch, and then down at her outfit. She’s wearing a black wrap satin dress, with long wide sleeves and a belt at her waist. She’s wearing her beige coat on top, to keep her warm. And most inconveniently to the situation, she’s wearing her black heels. But she looks out at the pitch, at Ted, and she knows what she’s going to do anyway.

“I’m so underdressed for this,” she mumbles under her breath, leaning down and taking her heels off. She holds them in her hand as she walks towards Ted. The grass is cold under her feet, and she lets herself feel it, anyway. She stands over him, and looks down at him. At Ted.

Ted, Ted, Ted.

She looks at him, and she feels something — something warm and fuzzy and safe. She doesn’t feel lost, or alone.

He looks up at her and he is home.

—

She lies down next to him, looking up at the stars. He breathes next to her, too tired to even look at her. Too tired to even say anything. And she notices. This is the longest she’s been around Ted without him saying something utterly ridiculous, or something at all, really.

Moments pass and they feel like years; and neither of them mind. They could stay like this forever.

“Right,” she says, crossing and uncrossing her ankles, trying to get comfortable. “You’re paying for my dry cleaning.”

He chuckles, but it sounds tired. “No problem, boss. You got it.”

“Also probably a massage,” she says. “My back is being ruined as we speak.”

“Anything you want.”

She sneaks a glance at him, and his smile is small, and doesn’t reach his eyes. They always say that, don’t they? When they describe someone who’s smiling or laughing when they’re sad. They say it doesn’t reach their eyes. And they are right. Because Rebecca looks at Ted, and knows his smile isn’t real, because his eyes aren’t lighting up the way they do.

She looks back up at the sky, and lets herself relax. She cross her ankles, and lets her hands rest on top of each other on her chest. And it’s comfortable, or at least she tells herself it is.

It’s quiet for a few moments, before his soft voice breaks the silence, “Are you alright?”

“Me? I’m not the one lying in the grass,” she says, exhaling, and he chuckles softly. She waits until it fades aways, and she knows he’s unconvinced, because she feels his eyes on her. She can’t fool him. She never could.

She turns her head to the side and his eyes are staring into hers. She looks at him as she exhales, “No.”

“Me neither,” he says.

“How did this happen exactly?” She gestures to him on the ground

“You mean was there a thought process to me lying down in the middle of the pitch?” He asks, and she chuckles in response. “Yeah. No. I just wanted to take a walk for a while. Clear my head. Then I got too tired and wanted to lie down for a minute, but then I couldn’t get back up.”

She says nothing, but looks at him. He sighs as he looks back up at the sky. “I’m just tired, Rebecca.”

“Okay,” she breathes, turning her head back to stare up at the stars. “What is it, Ted?”

He sighs audibly. “What do you call a divorce anniversary?”

She shrugs, but he doesn’t see it. “I’m not shre you call it anything.”

“Well, whatever it’s named, it’s mine today,” he says. “One year.”

She turns her to the side, and looks at him. She’s not sure what to say, even though she knows exactly how she feels. “Oh, Ted.”

He turns his head and looks at her, too. He shrugs, and she can see his eyes — soft and glassy and tired. She remembers last year. Remembers the moment she saw him leaving the karaoke bar, rushing out between the crowds. Remembers how she found him, huddled up on the sidewalk against a wall, and how she held him in her arms, wanting to make him feel better. She still feels this way — like she wants to take everything that hurts him and put it away. She’s not sure why, but she looks at him, and she wishes she could fix everything for him.

“Yeah, well,” he exhales, but it comes out as a sigh. His chest feels heavy, heavier than it ever felt, and he doesn’t know how to make it go away. He doesn’t know how to feel like he can breathe again. Because he knows he’s breathing, he knows there is air in his lungs, and yet it feels like he’s underwater. “I didn’t want to go home. I didn’t want to be alone.”

She nods at him. “Me neither.”

“Why?” He frowns at her. “What’s wrong?”

“What do you call a wedding anniversary for a marriage that ended?” She asks, smiling softly at him. His face relaxes, filling with softness.

“You too, huh?”

She nods. “What a coincidence, isn’t it?”

He chuckles, looking at her, and she feels something slip and fall into place in her heart.

“Yeah. Coincidence.”

They look back up at the stars, twinkling faintly in the sky. The clouds move slowly, and they watch them for a few moments, in silence. The cold wind blows past them, and Rebecca feels it in her hair. She closes her eyes for a few moments, breathing in, and breathing out. I could stay like this forever, she thinks to herself. Lying down in the grass, watching the stars, next to Ted.

Ted.

She opens her eyes, suddenly; pieces falling into place.

—

He isn’t sure why, but this feels right. This feels exactly right. Ted never really believed in coincidences. He believed in fate. He believed things happened for a reason, and the roads you took lead you home, eventually. He thought about what she’d just said. What a coincidence. Was it, really?

He looks up at the stars, and all he could think about is how his roads led to her, time and time again. She always found him, or he found her, and it didn’t matter because at the end of the day, they found each other. Every time, she was there. She is here.

He thinks about why he’s stayed this long. He could’ve went out to the pub and stayed with the team. He could’ve asked Beard to hang out with him, if he didn’t want to be alone. Be he was here, instead. He stayed at the empty club, knowing he’s going to be alone, anyway. And why? What for? He knows. He already knows as the realization falls upon him. As it clicks. Falls into place. Fits together. Makes sense. Because of her. He hoped she’d still be here. He hoped she would somehow find him, and hold him, and keep him safe.

He stayed because of her. It’s always been because of her.

—

“I think about it sometimes, you know,” he says, and in the quietness, his voice is almost a whisper. There is no one else around, and for a second, Ted pretends they are the only people in the world. “I mean I moved on and everything. But I still get worried that she was right. That I’m too much, and that it will never be enough.”

Rebecca doesn’t know what to say. She leans her head to the side, looking at him look up at the stars. She wants to wrap him in her arms and keep him safe. “Ted—“

“No, no,” he shakes his head, waving it away with his hand. “I don’t want you to try and make me feel better. I just want to tell you how I feel.”

“Okay,” she breathes, turning her head back upwards. In the stillness, she can pretend that time is standing still. That they can stay here for as long as they want, and nothing would’ve changed, and everything would be well. Her words leave her before she knows it, and she lets them.

“Sometimes I’m afraid that I will always be alone,” she takes a breath, and knows he’s listening to her. “I’m scared I won’t find my way back to myself, and that I’ll always be this lost. This alone.”

“Yeah,” he exhales. “Do you believe in fate?”

Rebecca feels a sudden chuckle leave her. “I don’t know. Why?”

“You said earlier this was a coincidence,” he says. “Do you think it is?”

“You’re going to say it’s fate, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” he chuckles, and she does, too. She waits for their laughs to fade out, and listens to him breathe and talk. She watches him as he turns his head to the side, facing her. His eyes looking into hers. “I don’t think this is a coincidence. I believe things happen for a reason, and some things are meant to be. And this feels like it’s meant to be.”

She doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t know if she could even try to say anything. And she doesn’t need to, because he’s saying enough for the both of them.

“I think that if either of us made a different choice an hour ago or a year ago, we wouldn’t have been here. I probably would’ve been back home, alone, somewhere. And I don’t want to assume, but I think—“

She nods. “I would’ve been alone.”

“But you’re not. We’re not. We’re both here, at the same time. I could’ve done a number of different things tonight. You too. But instead, we both stayed in this empty clubhouse, and we both ended up here,” he takes a breath, and he watches her smile a slow small smile. “I didn’t even know why I stayed here, but I think it was because I was hoping you’d find me. And I think everything that’s happened has brought us here. I feel like it’s all brought us here. Right to each other. So I don’t think this is a coincidence.”

“No,” she exhales, and she doesn’t know what to say. She’s not sure anything she says could ever be enough. She looks at him, and tries to find the right words, but she can’t. “I suppose it isn’t.”

“Or maybe I’m just really going crazy this time.”

She laughs, and he watches her laugh, and for a second, he thinks that if everything that’s happened in his life has led him to this moment — to make this woman laugh, to watch her close her eyes and laugh and lose herself in the way she laughs, he thinks it’s worth it. He thinks it’s all worth it.

“No, Ted, you’re not,” she says, smiling at him. “You’re you.”

“I’m not sure that’s a good thing anymore.”

“It is,” she nods, and she wishes he could feel how deeply she means the words she’s saying, and somehow, she knows he does. “God, Ted, it is.”

He nods at her and smiles slowly. They stare at each other, and Ted looks at her as she smiles, as her eyes look into his, as the stars twinkle above them and the wind blows through her hair. He wants to reach out and never let her go. He looks at her and he thinks, I could stay like this forever.

“Ted, I—“ She stops herself, breathes, and starts over. “I want to tell you something, but I don’t want to say it on this day of strange anniversaries. I want it to have its own anniversary.”

He nods.

“I don’t want us to remember it like this,” she whispers. “So I’ll find you, tomorrow, and I’ll tell you. You think that would be alright?”

“That’d be great,” he nods at her, smiling softly. In a hopeful voice, he whispers, “Tomorrow?”

She nods. Her whisper is a promise, “Tomorrow.”

And for the first time all day, Ted feels like he can breathe again.

[cloveroctobers]

ANNA-JULIA “AJ” (JONES) JARLETT

IG bio/info: @/annajj9x_ | 20.1k followers| Athlete | hey peeps can you stop asking me to throw it back cuz the answer will always be no! K thx take it easy 🏳️‍🌈🌻🏒🐶

21 years old

From bath, England

Hockey player as her profession for the past three years

Her position is defense

Their team name is “rowdy alphas”...yeah some team names just didn’t make sense or they’re cringe for no reason at all

Was raised by her mom,(her mom was a teen mom & had her at 17) maternal grandmother, and her paternal aunt (dad’s younger sister, who’s more like a big sister to her at 28)

They’ve made her into the person she is, literally

Her grandmother has a bed and breakfast that they all live in

the house is Victorian style—almost as if they walked right out of charmed! Instead of a big pink house, think yellow AND purple. It was hideous but homey and charming on the inside

growing up in a house with multiple temporary strangers wasn’t odd to aj at all, in fact it felt like the norm. There was always someone around to socialize with so that was quite nice

Her father was a pro baseball player & passed away due to a automobile accident

she has his smile & freckles

aj was also involved in the accident at the age of 6 & miraculously survived with intense injuries

Has scars as a reminder

used to have night terrors because of the accident...it took awhile—years!!! for them to subside

they’re all vague memories now (but the pain is something she’ll always remember) but she preferred it that way

she’s named “Anna” after her mother’s old best friend/roommate and was supposed to be aj’s god mother but she went missing during their uni years

the name“Julia” came from her paternal grandmother who she gets her wide doe eyes from

her athleticism definitely came from her dad

Her mother luckily liked to document things so there’s a bunch of home videos of her dad in them & pictures/scrapbooks that her mom has for safe keeping

She’s more of a klutz, tiny, and wears huge prescription glasses

extremely close to the three most important ladies in her life, so she’s always been able to be open with them about anything!

when she first expressed her interest in liking both genders around 17-18 her paternal aunt was all smirks, “i knew Britney Spears was so your type, yeah?”

more like shakira but Brit was just as pretty

her mother was a “cry baby” so ofc she burst out into tears squeezing aj’s limbs and peppering her face with kisses. She didn’t view her child as anything different... as she shouldn’t & was glad that her daughter trusted them with this significant moment in her life and wanted to be as supportive as she could

got books, watched Ted talks and everything but knew she could come to the source even tho aj was still figuring it out herself

her grandma dipped her head at the new info sitting at the round kitchen table, “been there. had a few broads in my life after and during my marriage with your no good grandad. Thank goodness the bastard died before you even got to meet ‘em.” “Mum!”

what felt like the biggest weight on her chest was lifted. She knew they’d understand but a part of her had a little bit of doubt, she’s heard so many horror stories where those like her didn’t have the support she has and that made her extremely sad to think about

i see her as a person that has/had many friends in secondary. She’s always open to chat and her being on a few sports teams helped her out in her case

very competitive in anything that she does & will guarantee that she’ll beat you. (“ You wanna race to the car from here?”wins. “Who ever cleans the most dishes the fastest gets the last slice of pie.”) majority of the time she’s right but if she loses?? oh don’t let her lose to you, it’s a pity party for the rest of the time ur in her space. Such a sore loser omg

stays active, always working out + has a gym membership and makes sure she goes at least five times a week

she’s very strong, loves leg day & working on her core

she’s about 5’10

loves wearing “gf jeans” since they’re super comfy but doesn’t mind skinny Jeans with rips in the knees every now and then

trainers and chucks are her go-to sneakers

has no issue shopping in the men’s section ‘cause who’s gonna stop her? Nobody that’s who

owner of over a 100 graphic tees + vertical stripped shirts are also her favs, SWEATPANTS/joggers?! How many does she have? A lot. Snapbacks? Plenty. Will she wear them backwards? Obviously.

Physical touch is her love language. She’s comes from a family that has no issue showing their affection by touch. There is NO such thing as personal space and that still stands with aj when it comes to relationships, she sees no other way

It’s what she shows and what she wants in return, if you’re not touching her in some sort of way, then automatically she thinks there’s something wrong or that she did something

Is the jealous type. It has shown in relationships and ruined a relationship or two

Has cheated on a significant other out of pure jealousy & is not proud to admit that

Does have a wandering eye but feels now that she truly understands herself when it comes to relationships, she’ll never act on it again

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, I get libra tendencies from her so that’s what I’m sticking with. She likes to keep the peace (unless she’s jealous) , idealistic — always looking on the bright side of things, outgoing, romantic, and professional— especially when it comes to her team; her true leadership comes out, yet she can be indecisive, hates confrontation, self pitying — if things don’t go perfectly how she imagined/planned it to, the world is ending and everyone is out to get her, and can be unreliable—never on time

September libra to be exact

if she’s really in love/taken a interest in you then she gets nervous: blushing, sweaty palms, cracking her knuckles, tongue tied—the whole 9

she’s already defined as a puppy by her coach but when she’s in love? She’s a lovesick puppy!

her fav holiday is Valentine’s Day

thought she was going to be a pro skateboarder growing up but it took one bad fall where she thought she was paralyzed for her to choose something else

she likes her weed on occasion

Obsessed with all types of cheese except cottage, “can I put cheese on this?”

more of a jumpsuit kinda girl or dressy top with jeans & hoops on a night out

has a solid group of mates outside of the hockey team, they’ve all met and hung out a couple of times, as they should since aj feels they’re going to be stuck with her for awhile so why not?

They’re a riot when they all go out, let’s just say that there’s never a dull moment

fav color is periwinkle

enjoys ASMR, mostly in the mornings when she’s waking up. You know how people love podcasts? (Sorry seb & Nicky, she still wants to be on the show soon!) ASMR is her thing

loves tangerines, you can count on it that she’ll have one on her, “where did you pull that from?” “I’ll never share my master plan.” “You’re such a tit.”

Definitely prefers “fresh squeezed” orange juice & will make her own, she has the tools & the strength 😏

Very rare for her to get sick ;) & if she does she’s a complete baby about it

Will fight that she’s sick before she admits it, trying all sorts of horrid remedies & vitamins

loves summer & all things that come with it, the number one thing is leaving bath for however long she can for a new place to enjoy

when she arrived to love island, she was thrilled for the weather. Yes she was looking for love but most importantly a nice get away & that it was (depending on your route that is lol)

closest with seb, vieve, elladine, and tai but don’t tell the others that! (She doesn’t care if you tell Yasmin, honestly)

just because her & seb “dated” and it didn’t work out doesn’t mean they can’t be friends right? It was almost automatic for them to be platonic after it was determined there would be no romance between them, almost like sibs! like those celebs like to say—except this time these two won’t turn around and actually find romance

vieve came with seb so...but no shade aj did like vieve. She gave great advice (while seb sometimes didn’t say the right things unintentionally or what aj needed to hear) when needed, especially from a medical view and is very sweet

elladine was the one who had all the tea & ideas to match, she’s quite organized and always down for DIY’s and could suggest almost anything. If you needed someone to help you get things tidy or match/find your Aesthetic, she’s the friend you call to help

tai was the one she could be a “bro” with, sure elladine has her competive side (or controlling, depends on how you view it) but tai was the one you can run to for much needed “bro hugs”, partying, going to the pubs, playing sports with or against, checking out/flirting with babes, etc...

it was not long after the villa that aj had a revelation with her sexuality & fully owned and labeled herself as a lesbian

She was happy being in relationship with someone else or with herself, life was short and she was young so there wasn’t time to dwell and stress over things so what the hell?! Live your truth the best way you know how ya know?

probably smells like sweet citrus, almond flower, and sea salt

on chest days, she’s a sweets snacker. Loves gummy bears (also with vodka) , swedish fish, sour patch kids, etc...basically shit that sticks to ur teeth

put all her chips into hockey, while it was advised by her Counselors & mum not to do so, aj went about it anyway. She thought about the pros and cons but knew there was nothing else for her. So there were more pros than cons. She was meant to play sports, its what felt right in her soul

Made her feel connected to her father, when she’s on the field she feels that he is with her

 scrunches up her nose when she’s frustrated or confused about something

Doesn’t always grasp concepts right away, she’s a soft dummy but most of us are and that’s okay! We’re all smart in our own ways

Feels like sunflowers are always around her especially if she sees them wherever she is. They must symbolize SOMETHING, therefore she loves them

spf queen. All about it, get with it or let the sunrays ruin ur skin that’s on u

loves a good filet mignon medium-well & is probably the only good thing she knows how to make alongside a salad, baked potatoes, & her oj

sucker for romantic-comedies...it’s basically her life duh!

If she has a dog, it’s a Dalmatian or Great Dane. She needs a companion that’ll keep up with her

loves kissing, it’s her favorite form of intimacy

Quarantine life included the push up challenge for her. Gaining a few pounds in muscle and fat, bothering seb via ft, viewing old letters she wrote to her dad, spending time with her fav ladies since they were now restricted from having guests in their home, and letting boredom consume her + she hated the whole lockdown that came with it, she hated being indoors for long periods of time but she knew that’s what partly needed to be done

Posts a lot of beach, park, outings with her friends & team, moments with her fav ladies, workout videos, and guests at the b&b with their permission and if only she befriends them along the way. She’s just as active on the socials as she is in rl but she’s not obsessed with it, she knows how to live in the now. She’s all about balance!

I also feel like she never keeps her phone charged and it’s always dying on her! She had a car charger but...that’s a jungle. She needs to invest in a portable charger stat

crushing on/finds attractive: Jared Padalecki, Keanu Reeves, Barrett Doss, Camilla Luddington, Sandra Bullock, Adrian Kempe, Harry Kirton, Anya Taylor-Joy, Haley Lu Richardson, Naomi Osaka, Ming & Aoki Lee Simmons

who does she listen to? Shakira lol!! Bea Miller, Dua Lipa, Daya, XYLØ, Elley Duhé, Stela Cole, Aloe Blacc, Maroon 5, Lewis capaldi, Charlie Puth, girl in red, Hayley kiyoko, king princess, dodie, & tessa violet

Anthem: Icona Pop — we got the world

[matrixaffiliate]

Endeavor

Chapter Update! FFN and AO3

Next chapter goes up on August 15th! =)

Chapter 3

"I swear, Lupin, you work more now that you have this job than you did when we were taking a full semester and you were working two jobs." Kalil sat down at the kitchen table where Ted had laid out his old school notes to try and come up with a clearer direction forward for what he had spent the last week coming to think of as his company.

"It is not that bad, Ghanem," Ted laughed. "I've got a good chance here to build this into the launching pad of my career. But I've got to get Vic up to speed too, so I'm also teaching her business classes after work."

Kalil sat down at the table, "Now when you first said your coworker's name was Vic, I thought their name was Victor. But you keep referring to them in the feminine connotation."

Ted laughed, "Vic is short for the French name Victoire."

"And, she needs some personal tutoring after work because…" Kalil smirked at him.

Ted shook his head, "It's not like that, mate."

"Really? Because you haven't been this willing to work outside of your shift in the three years that we've been friends."

Ted looked back at one of his books. "Yeah, well she has a boyfriend."

"Wait, she's taken?"

"Yep." Ted huffed.

"She says she's taken or you know she's taken?"

Ted looked up to glare at his friend, "My second interaction with her was walking in on her snogging the bloke, so yes, she's taken."

Kalil raised his eyebrows. "And you're not happy about this."

Ted sighed. "Sorry, she's pretty amazing and it's just frustrating to meet a girl that I could see myself with, and for her to be in a relationship."

"Well, if she's taken, she's taken, mate," Kalil put a hand on his shoulder. "Maybe you should protect yourself a bit here, back off on the time you spend with her, like only being with her during office hours."

Ted nodded, "Yeah, I'll think about it."

Kalil moved his hand away and shook his head as he walked back down the hall to his room.

"Don't be that guy Ted." He called out.

Teddy didn't respond. He needed to get this business figured out and then he needed to head out to get some shopping done before he went to his parents' place. They'd been excited to have him over on a Saturday. Ted hadn't had a free Saturday evening in years.

And honestly, he had already realized he was that guy. Ted was flirting and looking for every stolen moment he could get with a girl that wasn't available. If he were in Sean's position, he'd probably want to pummel him.

But Sean wasn't treating Vic like he really cared. Vic had disclosed that Sean canceled a day trip to the White Cliffs for the chance to compete in a pub quiz league. He was so certain he and his mates would win that he decided it was worth canceling the trip, and he was vague with her when it came to rescheduling it.

Ted wanted to pummel the idiot.

That was obviously not an option, and so Ted settled for teaching her business after work a couple of nights a week as they ate dinner and goofing around during the workday. Ted lived for those stolen moments; those moments where he felt like it was them, no unnecessary significant others involved.

Maybe he'd get her to teach him to speak French. He took a few classes in before uni, maybe he could get her to spend a little longer with him in the evenings teaching him something after he taught her business.

A part of Teddy wanted to cuff himself upside the head, but the more time he spent with Vic, the easier it was to ignore that part of him. He had set some physical boundaries for himself, and that made Ted feel like he wasn't really crossing any lines. He was making friends with Vic, taking an interest in her life outside of work, and spending time with her. That's what friends did. He was her friend. That was it.

And if he took advantage of those moments to feel closer to her than he should, well, that was for him and no one else to know about.

OoOoOoOoO

"So, you're liking working with Ron?" His dad asked as he handed Ted a drink and set the pitcher down on the table in their back garden.

"I don't work much with Ron. Between me and his niece, we run this operation on our own." Ted sat back in his chair and sighed contentedly. He liked having evenings off. He'd forgotten what it was like to be able to decompress before half eleven, let alone have a Saturday to himself.

"It's just the two of you?" His mum set some cheese and crackers down on the table.

"Unless we need the big boss, yeah," Ted nodded.

"Which niece of his are you working with?" His dad pulled the cheese tray a bit closer to him.

Ted smiled, "Victoire, his oldest niece. She's Bill and Fleur's daughter if that helps you place her."

His mum laughed. "I know Bill, she must be a firecracker. He fancied himself a rebel, pierced his ear and grew his hair out long; he even bought a motorcycle. Made his mum furious as I understand it."

"How did you know Bill?" Ted tried to not look too interested.

"He and I went to A-levels together," his mum swatted a fly away and nearly upturned the cheese tray but just missed it. "It was happenstance that Harry and Ron and Ginny ended up in school together as well."

"To be fair, it was also happenstance that you and I met." His dad took her hand and kissed it.

Ted sighed. It felt like he would never get to the point his parents were at.

"Everything alright, son?" His dad turned to look at him.

"Yeah," Ted forced a smile, "It's just been a long week getting everything settled at work. And I really think Ron has a second company brewing with this, so I'm trying to get things rolling to show him that this could stand on its own feet. It doesn't need Bread & Butter to hold it up."

"Ron didn't build Bread & Butter in a day, Teddy darling. Make sure to pace yourself." His mum's timer went off and she went to retrieve dinner.

Ted stayed quiet. He knew his mum was right, Ron had built his franchise up over the course of nearly fifteen years. But this didn't need the same kind of organic growth that a bakery chain needed. This was selling kitchen equipment, kitchen equipment branded with the name of a successful franchise across the UK. It just needed the push that Ted was willing to give it.

Plus, he got more time with Vic when he pushed this forward, so it was a win in more than one way.

"Do I get you next Saturday too?" His mum asked as she set dinner on the table.

Ted laughed, "No, I promised Harry I'd take the kids for ice cream to say thank you for getting me in touch with Ron."

"Give them a hug for me. I know they're James' and Lily's grandkids, but I think we all claim them as our own."

"Mum, I'm six years older than Jamie."

"It doesn't change that your dad and I are old enough to be their grandparents."

"I am, but you, my love, are most certainly not." His dad chuckled. "But I've always liked how much those three look up to you, Teddy."

Ted shrugged, he rather liked it too if he was honest.

OoOoOoOoO

"This was a low blow, Weasley," Ted shook his head as he ate his Chinese takeaway the following Friday.

"You left me with no choice. If I hadn't ordered beforehand then you would have paid for it again. I already owe you for five dinners."

"You hide your devious side behind that pretty face, you even knew my order."

Vic kicked him under the table, "Don't announce my secrets!"

Ted laughed, "So tell me, have you ordered the next five dinners as well?"

Vic grinned, "I'll let you sit in anticipation."

"So torturous," Ted grinned back at her and had to put a great deal of self-control into not reaching out to take her hand or run his foot along her calf.

"What are you doing with your weekend?" Vic asked as she pulled a dumpling from the box with her chopsticks.

Ted smirked, "Wondering what my plans are Weasley?"

"I'll tell you mine," Vic shrugged.

"Let me guess, you're going to go home and spend the weekend wishing you didn't live with your parents?" Ted teased.

"No, I'm going to figure out what your last name is." She smirked at him.

Ted tutted, "That would be a shame, my wolf looks rather nice on your desk. I've come to enjoy seeing him there."

Vic laughed and kicked his foot under the card table. "I am going to figure it out this weekend. Come Monday, I'll know more about you than you could imagine me learning in two days."

Ted raised his eyebrows at her. "I think you're bluffing."

Vic shrugged, "Good, that will make it that much better when you walk in on Monday and I call you by your full name."

"Oh, you think you'll find my middle name too huh? Yours isn't even listed on the company roster."

"Did you go looking for it?" Vic laughed.

"Of course, I did, I had to exploit every advantage available to me." Ted shrugged as Vic laughed.

"You're ridiculous you know." Vic's smile was soft again, it was that smile that made Ted's stomach flutter.

"One of my many faults."

Vic tucked a lock of hair behind her ear before letting out a long breath and tossed her takeaway container in the bin.

"We should get started," she pulled her notepad in front of her.

"Right," Ted moved to his desk for his notebook and the notes he'd prepared yesterday after work before rejoining Vic at the card table.

"Did everything from Wednesday make sense?"

But another voice responded.

"Wednesday?"

Ted turned to the open door where Sean stood.

"Sean," Vic's voice conveyed her surprise. "You said you had plans tonight."

"They fell through," he leant against the doorframe. "I decided I'd rescue you from working late."

"Oh, er," she looked at Ted with wide eyes and Ted forced a smile for her.

"Go on, your Casanova awaits."

Vic bit her lip and looked torn for a moment longer before nodding. "We can do this on Monday, right?"

"Sure, whenever," Ted put his notebook away in his backpack.

"Alright, I'll, I'll see you Monday."

"Yeah."

Ted didn't dare look up as Vic walked out. He didn't want to see Sean kiss her.

OoOoOoOoO

"Teddy!" Lily ran into his arms.

"Hey, sweetheart," Ted hugged her. "I swear you're taller every time I see you."

"Grandad says that's what happens when you feed kids. Mum and Dad left for their show already, but come on! I want you to meet my cousin! She's so cool!" Lily pulled him down the corridor.

Ted laughed and kicked off his shoes, expecting to see another twelve-year-old girl as Lily pulled him to the back garden.

He nearly tripped over himself when he crossed the threshold.

"Vic?"

"Ted?"

"What are you doing here?" They said in unison.

"Really? You already know her? I wanted to introduce you two." Lily pouted.

"I work with Vic, Lils." Ted squeezed Lily's shoulders.

"You do?" Al frowned, "But Vic works for Uncle Ron."

Ted chuckled, "And so do I."

Vic was blushing and Ted wondered why his showing up had this effect on her. She didn't blush when he walked into work.

"Ted!" Jamie grinned as he walked out to the back garden. "Dad said you weren't going to be here till five."

Ted grinned and pulled Jamie into a hug. "I thought I'd come a bit earlier to catch up, but I see you lot already have someone around."

"Oh, yeah, Vic this is Ted, he's Mum and Dad's godson." Jamie introduced them.

"They work together, Jamie," Lily rolled her eyes. "And if they hadn't, I would have already introduced them."

Jamie's brow creased for a moment. "Oh, right you both work for Uncle Ron, I remember Dad saying he set you up with the job."

Ted nodded, "Yep. So, I guess everyone knows everyone now."

"Right," Vic stood up, "I should probably let you four go to dinner."

"Can Vicky come?" Lily took hold of Teddy's hand and he tried to keep himself from looking down at her big brown eyes.

He failed, and then he caved.

"If you're free, Vic, you're welcome to join us."

"I don't want to impose," she bit her lip but Lily went straight to her side.

"You wouldn't be imposing, Vicky! Please come! We haven't seen you much at all since you got that boyfriend last year."

Ted rubbed the back of his neck and looked down at his socks as Vic spoke.

"Alright, I can come for a little bit."

Ted looked up to see Vic smiling at him, that shy soft smile that made his stomach clench.

"Great," he smiled back at her, and suddenly the awkward way they'd left things the night before seemed to fade away.

"Grab your things, you lot," Ted turned to the Potter kids, "I'm thinking some fish and chips are in order tonight."

"Aye, aye captain!" Al saluted and the three of them went for their things.

"So…" Ted followed Vic as she went back inside the house.

"Hi," Vic moved to the front door and put her shoes back on. Ted followed suit.

"I guess maybe I should have told you my plans for the weekend, huh?" He chuckled.

"Well, this might have been less awkward that way." Vic bit her lip. "I really can just bow out if you want time with them."

Ted felt his whole body react in panic at that suggestion.

"No! I mean if this is weird for you then I get if you want to leave, but I mean, we're friends, right?"

Vic's face took on a relieved cast and she smiled again. "Yeah, yeah, we're friends."

"Alright, well, friends can grab dinner together, right?"

Vic grinned, "Definitely."

Ted took a deep breath and went to say more when the Potter kids came sliding into the front entry.

"Let's go beat the dinner rush," Jamie opened the door and ushered everyone outside.

"Jamie, you're sixteen, will you stop acting like you're the adult here. That's Ted and Vic's job." Lily rolled her eyes.

Jamie shot her a glare and Ted intervened in what was a pretty regular fight he'd seen between the two of them.

"It's normal for Jamie to care enough about you to want to help guide you Lils, and it's fine to not want him to as well, right Jamie?"

Jamie rolled his eyes, "Right."

"Is Vic riding shotgun?" Al asked. "Dad and Mum say that when there's another adult, the front seat always goes to them."

Ted unlocked his car and looked over at Vic. "That's completely up to Vic."

She bit her lip and looked down at her shoes for a moment before looking back up at him. "Sure, sure I'll sit up front."

"There you go, Al, your parents' are always right." Ted grinned, and let their little group think it was in response to Al's eye roll.

But in reality, he couldn't have stopped smiling if his life depended on it, because Vic was sitting shotgun in his car.

"So, Vic," Ted asked as he pulled out of the Potter's drive. "What brought you to my godparents' home tonight?"

Vic immediately blushed. But before Ted could ask further, Al answered.

"She said she had a question about Dad's family."

Ted felt his eyebrows shoot up. The Marauders were Harry's family, and that included him.

"Really?" Ted smirked at Vic, who turned to look out her window. "I could have answered any questions you might have had."

Vic shrugged. "I didn't have your number."

"What did you want to know?" Lily asked.

"Wait," Jamie leant forward. "I thought you wanted to know my thoughts on your rough draft of your book you sent me. That's what Mum told me when she mentioned you'd be coming over."

"Right, so it was that too, and, er…"

Vic's face was bright red now and Ted found it adorable. He also felt a bit guilty, so he gave her a way out.

"Pull out your phone, I'll tell you my number." Ted smiled over at her.

She mouthed thank you and pulled out her phone. Ted rattled off his phone number and then got Al and Jamie talking about the latest Zelda game for the rest of the car ride to the restaurant.

"I can buy my own dinner," Vic protested when they were waiting their turn to order.

Ted rolled his eyes at her, "I'm sure you can, but if Harry finds out you bought your own dinner, he'll have my head, and then he'll send the rest of our family after me, so just do me the favor and let me pay for everyone."

Vic glared at him, so Ted played dirty.

"I gave you my phone number." He ignored the way Jamie eyed him.

Vic huffed and then nodded, "Fine, you can buy my dinner."

Jamie looked back and forth between the two of them. "It's not a date, Vic. Your boyfriend can't be upset about this."

Vic turned bright red and Ted sighed. Leave it to these three to find ways to unintentionally make Vic feel called out.

"I'm sure her boyfriend is a reasonable bloke, Jamie," Ted tried to redirect the conversation with the lie. "Now, why don't you lot find us all a table?"

"Won't you need help with the food?" Al asked.

"I've got Vic to help," Ted glanced at her and she smiled at him. "You three find us a good spot."

Jamie ushered his siblings further into the restaurant and Ted leant back against the wall while they waited for their order to be ready.

"Sorry," he looked over at Vic as she leant against the wall next to him. "They can be a bit much sometimes."

"They're my family too, Ted." She smiled at him. "I'm just embarrassed. I didn't expect to see you tonight."

"Is it a bad thing to see me tonight?"

"No, I just won't be able to complete my master plan now." She bumped his shoulder.

"You had a master plan? And I wasn't included? I'm offended!" Ted bumped her shoulder back and smiled as their easiness finally returned.

"I couldn't include you! You wouldn't share the information!"

Then it clicked and Ted laughed.

"You were going to use your cousins to figure out my full name, weren't you?"

"I thought I could sweet-talk it out of Lily. She always talks about how much she likes you and I thought I could just show up and get her talking about you and then casually ask what your full name was." Vic chuckled, as her blush deepened.

Ted felt like his chest was trying to take flight.

"I have to give you full marks for creativity."

"Yeah but it won't work now," Vic bit her lip. "If I ask anything about you after tonight, she's going to think I fancy you."

Ted swallowed hard, "Well, don't lose hope yet."

Vic looked over at him, "You've had a change of heart?"

"If you send me a text, I can come up with some clues so you can guess my full name." He kept his eyes focused on the kid behind the counter calling orders.

"Alright," Vic's voice was quiet. "I'll text you after we get my cousins home."

Ted smiled.

Then the kid behind the counter called his order number.

[d2kvirus]

Dickheads of the Month: January 2021

As it seems that there are people who say or do things that are remarkably dickheaded yet somehow people try to make excuses for them or pretend it never happened, here is a collection of some of the dickheaded actions we saw in the month of January 2021 to make sure that they are never forgotten.

Once again, we knew that Donald Trump wasn’t going to take losing well, but when a legion of his most boneheaded supporters storm the Capitol demanding the election result be overturned because a certain thin-skinned orange gobshite had spent several weeks screaming about electoral fraud and, by the way, also set the date of January 6th for some major event, even Mike Pence couldn’t sanction his buffoonery any longer - especially when said buffoonery involved him saying “I love you” to people who were guilty of sedition and, by the way, murder - all of which led to him finally, finally, getting the boot from various social media platforms

...all while Lauren Boebert appeared to be trying to help out the insurrectionists by livetweeting the location of Nancy Pelosi, presumably because Boebert forgot about that Glock she claims to take to work with her every day and was looking for a convenient meat shield, which naturally has nothing to do with her tweeting the day would be like 1776 earlier that morning

...but the real victim in all of this was Melania Trump as it interrupted a photo shoot she was doing, which she somehow thought it was a good idea to mention several days later in a statement riddled with two opinions: “both sides” and “me, me, me” which shows she didn’t realise the optics of rearranging the china as Washington burned around her

...but according to Laura Kuenssberg it was merely a “scuffle” at Congress, as opposed to an organised group attempting to stage an armed insurrection against the government complete with at least one member carrying zip ties

...and finally, we had Ian Austin reminded us that he’s still alive by saying the exact same thing would have happened in the UK with Jeremy Corbyn supporters storming parliament, as if that happened in the four years Corbyn was wishing Austin would go away, then did go away, but sadly didn’t go away

Once again the Tory government think they know better than virologists, epidemiologists and pharmacists with their one-two punch of thinking they can just mix and match the various vaccines available rather than give people two doses of the same vaccine, but they further weaken any chance of vaccination succeeding by ignoring Pfizer’s recommendation the second dose be given within three weeks of the first by adopting a policy of the second dose is given three months later, and it it’s just as likely to be the less effective but cheaper Oxford vaccine they get a dose of

...swiftly followed by the BBC did their bit to encourage people to get vaccinated by reporting a story of a nurse getting a dose of Covid six weeks after her first vaccination jab not by reporting how she was three weeks overdue for the second dose (or, if you prefer, six weeks before her second one) but simply saying that people vaccinated can get Covid, which goes beyond the BBC’s sociopathic inability to criticise Tory fuckups into being downright fucking dangerous - as does their putting sentient testicle Toby Young on Newsnight to say how we’re all overreacting as it's not as bad as all that

Of all the things proven liar Boris Johnson should have said when the UK’s Covid death toll officially passed 100,000 (as opposed to unofficially, which would have been last December), “We have done our best” was not it, because if their best includes not going into lockdown in order to protect landlords, having Dominic Cummings dictate herd immunity in spite the fact that you need vaccinated people for it to work, refusing to have quarantine at airports until July, thinking it would be a bright idea to tell people it’s their patriotic duty to go to the pub, giving them £10 vouchers to go to restaurants, putting children going back to school ahead of any concerns about every single school could become a petri dish and countless other horrifically mismanaged instances, then we should be kept up at night dreading what their worst would be

The fact that Chartwells were given a contract to provide free school dinners with a budget of £30, and the supposed lunches that arrived had £5 worth of food in them which begged the obvious question where the other £25 went, is appalling - but not surprising, as the Tory government gave them the contract and, equally unsurprising, Chartwells was founded by a Tory donor, and equally unsurprising their response to their grift being exposed was to tell all the public school clients they cater to a pack of lies while hoping nobody found out about them doing so...which worked about as well as you can guess

Something possessed the EU to ramp up the row over the AstraZenica vaccine not passing the rigorous tests for over-65s by threatening to trigger Article 16 and limit the number of vaccines that Northern Ireland received, and that something was it was hopelessly misguided as it allowed the Tories to get their hapless response to the pandemic off the front pages for a few days and let the Leave headbangers say this is why we left the EU...in spite this threat would have never been in play if we were still in the EU

There is no way to make jokes about Kellyanne Conway posting what was, in effect, revenge porn photos of her 16-year old daughter, because that sentence is so far out there that it is borderline incomprehensible

In the space of less than twenty seconds proven liar Boris Johnson claimed that there was no prior warning of the new strain of Covid, he had the SAGE paper stating it was coming which was handed to him last September held up in his face, and then said the government acted accordingly.  Yes, you read that right, he claimed the government acted accordingly to something they had no prior warning about, which is literally impossible, all in the space of ten seconds

In the latest hire by the BBC which is cause for both comment and concern, they announced their new chairman would be Tory donor Richard Sharp, whose credentials for the position are being Rishi Sunak’s ex-boss at Goldman Sachs, donating at least £400,000 to the Tory party, and having no background in journalism whatsoever

Smirking bully Priti Patel said that the UK should have closed its borders in March 2020 in order to prevent the spread of Covid.  Presumably she forgot that she was a.) Home Secretary in Marsh 2020 so could have done that, and b.) Home Secretary when she said that the borders should have been closed as that indicates she doesn’t know what’s going on

The terrifying world which Alison Pearson lives in has now started to cross over into our reality due to her responding to one of the four people she hasn’t blocked on Twitter calling her what she is - namely a liar - by siccing the Torygraph’s lawyers on them claiming libel, doing the usual cry bully tactic of learning the person she is harassing works for GlaxoSmithKline so promptly went to their CEO demanding he be fired, and howling about the hate campaign being waged against her - while telling the person, who was saying he was thinking suicidal thoughts after the pile-on that Pearson had instigated even after he had deleted the tweet and apologised , that “You’re finished”

Someday in the future, scholars will study Ted Cruz responding to Biden rejoining the Paris Climate Agreement within hours of getting his feet under the Oval Office desk by pontificating about how terrible it is that Biden is more interested in the citizens of Paris than the jobless of Pittsburgh and wonder just how somebody who doesn't know why the Paris Climate Agreement was named the Paris Climate Agreement ever got to be a senator

...and judging by how Lauren Boebert also latched onto this brainless rhetoric, not only can it be asked how she got to be a senator when she had the opportunity to actually realise Cruz’s mistake, she also begs the question how she can be a senator after her publicly trying to use Nancy Pelosi as a meat shield during the Capitol riots

Unifying force Keir Starmer stated that Labour should be devoting their time to fighting the Tory government rather than fighting court cases, somehow forgetting that by breaking the guidelines of the EHRC report (which he pledged to follow without question months before it was published) is the reason that they’re fighting court cases, and just so happens to be the reason why people are asking how a meeting attended by Starmer, Angela Rayner, Len McCluskey and others either didn't have a single person taking notes, which is David Evans’ entire defence, or they did take notes by quite conveniently lost them

Oh boy, did Wall Street cheerleaders not take it well when r/WallStreetbets exposed to the entire world that the stock market is little more than a game people play with other people’s money - because the teams the Wall Street cheerleaders support started losing, and all it took was a few Redditors investing in Gamestop and Bed Bath & Beyond 

Nice of Shaun Bailey to remind everyone that he’s a Tory by giving his suggestion for how the homeless could get on the property ladder, namely by saving a minimum of £5000

Clearly Marjorie Taylor Greene didn’t get the memo about the Streisand Effect, as the first thing she did after taking her seat in the House of Representatives was go on a mass deleting spree of Facebook posts - which only served to draw attention to her video saying that Nancy Pelosi be executed for treason, her track record of spreading conspiracy theories about the Parkland and Sandy Hook shootings, and her claims that a Jewish space laser is responsible for the 2018 California wildfires

Insufferable self-promoter Jess Phillips got her 2021 off to a good start by tweeting out that, as Britait has happened, we should shut up and accept it.  To the surprise of nobody other than insufferable self-promoter Jess Phillips, this led to a lot of people saying that, no, they will not accept an advisory referendum somehow being bolted onto the Ten Commandments, especially as numerous things that were promised wouldn’t happen such as a border in the Irish Sea, leaving Erasmus, losing freedom of movement, leaving the Common Market have all happened

It is wrong to say that smirking bully Priti Patel has lost 150,000 police files.  The actual figure is closer to 400,000 - which begs the obvious question as to what those files were, for example if those files also happened to fall under the same category as the ones that 55-year old ex-minister Mark Francois might want to have disappear for the sake of convenience

At last CD Projekt Red took some responsibility for Clusterpunk 2077 being such a cyberfuck...if by “taking responsibility” you mean “taking responsibility, dumping it all on the QA testers, and saying that everyone should blame them for everything” - and then with perfect comedic timing CD Projekt Red released an update for Clusterpunk 2077 that was so broken they had to release a hotfix for their broken patch

Expenses-fiddler Robert Jenrick decided that the most important thing to protect in the United Kingdom at this exact moment in time is...statues.  Not key workers, not the vulnerable, not any human life at all.  Statues.

So either Rafael Behr wrote a column for The Guardian where he tried to blame Jeremy Corbyn for his heart attack which saw Guardian higher-ups remove that passage from their print edition but forgot to remove it from the online version of the article, or The Guardian deliberately left the passage in the online version of the column in order to get some form of engagement from rage clicks while allowing Behr to act as if he is suffering some great injustice

Of course it wouldn’t take long for Steve Baker to try and claim some spurious victory for Britait, namely him claiming that tampon tax he spent so long fighting against being abolished is proof of the sunlit uplands of our post-EU nation...which ignores the fact that a.) It had nothing to do with the EU in the first place, and b.) The fact that Baker voted to keep it in place in a 2015 Commons vote

Employer of the year WWE went for an interesting twofer, as one minute they were proudly stating that WrestleMania would go ahead with a prospective 30,000 in attendance without any concerns for social distancing or any other Covid preventative measures, and the next telling the wrestlers on their roster that they would not be supplying them with Covid vaccines at the exact same time the NBA were floating the idea of providing vaccines for all their players

Make no mistake, the criticism that Erik Lamela, Sergio Reguilon, Giovani Lo Celso and Manuel Lanzini have received due to the four of them flouting lockdown regulations to attend a New Year’s party is justified - however, the fact that Duncan Castles tried to chase a headline by claiming that Lo Celso and Lamela had tested positive for Covid in a swiftly-deleted tweet is a new low for the noted barrel scraping rumour monger

Self-awareness sceptic Laurence Fox was entirely predictable in his response to the news that talkRADIO had been booted from Youtube for repeated violations of their ToS, specifically the part about spreading Covid misinformation, screaming the usual things about being “cancelled” - and then, within hours, responded to the BBC announcing a plan of educational programming to help during Lockdown III by saying he will be shielding his children from being “indoctrinated” by the BBC’s “left-wing bias” - which not only means he’s cancelling the BBC, but also had people remember that Billie Piper has custody of his children so it's not like he can even enforce his rules on what his children can and cannot watch

...by the way, Fox said nothing about Lord Sumption appearing on the BBC’s Question Time (the same show where failed actor on the grift Laurence Fox announced his new career as a clueless right wing irritant) where he told a woman with bowel cancer that her life wasn’t valuable, it was merely less valuable as she has less life left.  Yes, that is eugenics getting free airtime on the BBC, thanks for noticing

Somehow the best choice of words the BBC could find when reporting the death of Phil Spector was “talented but flawed” as if murder is some character flaw instead of, oh I don’t know, a criminal activity?

You would have thought that Twitch would have simply retired the PogChamp emote permanently in the wake of Gootecks going all insurrectionist, but no, instead they thought of having a rotating cycle of emotes of various creators, in spite of those creators telling them this would be a bad idea - and those creators were proven right when Critical bard was inundated with racist and homophobic abuse in his chat that led him to close his social media profiles when he was selected for rotation, with Twitch doing fuck all about it

Fashion editor no matter what she claims she is Hadley Freeman had a really clever take about The Sopranos...actually, no she didn’t, she had an absurd belief that it’s the exact same show as Sex in the City but people overlook it Because Misogyny, and when she was lambasted for missing the point so badly she had noted dipshit David Baddiel rushing in to her rescue to mock those getting “triggered” by her insipid take while saying he never liked The Sopranos because, as he isn't an Italian-American mobster, the show did not speak to him - in other words, he made himself a subject of equal mockery

...but there was no sign of Baddiel when Hadley Freeman then jumped on the BidenErasedWomen bandwagon alongside the TERFs of Twitter as soon as Biden got his feet under the desk, which also happened to show hard centrist extremist Freeman say how she thought Trump did far more for women than Biden ever has, which as takes go is so bad that the best explanation is that she briefly forgot the difference between the words “for” and “to”, before she then deleted the tweet and tried to deny ever posting it with increasingly nonsensical explanations that rapidly looked uncannily like gaslighting

...although David Baddiel wasn’t quite done being a bellend, as he was soon yukking it up with professional victim Rachel Riley about his latest book which accuses the entire progressive left of antisemitism

The oppressed underclass known as Manchester United fans really showed their colours, first by responding to a loss to Sheffield United by sending racial abuse to Axel Tuanzebe and Anthony Martial on social media, and a couple of weeks later responded to a draw with Arsenal by sending racial abuse to Marcus Rashford, because apparently when your team drops points the most important thing is to look for which member of your team you can racially abuse

And finally, oh so finally, we have Donald Trump and his discovery of electoral fraud at last - electoral fraud that consisted of Donald Trump calling Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger demanding he change the result and all he needs is Raffensperger to “find” 11,780 votes while also saying that he had proof of vote-counting machines being removed early...and when told they were still in Georgia, changed his lie to say the inner workings had been removed without anyone noticing.  By the way, the only reason anyone knows about this is because Raffensperger told Trump that he wouldn’t release the call to the public if Trump didn't say anything about it - so, of course, the Orange Overlord took to twitter, ran his mouth, and the Washington Post had one hell of an exclusive as a result