#in the end it’s all about the cycles
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sam’s daddy issues are just as bad as dean’s btw, if not worse (probably much worse). he canonically had two controlling dads (john and dean). except he’s much better at hiding his vulnerability than dean
#sam and dean’s post s1 dynamic is literally sam being dean and dean being john#also dean practically raised sam and pretty much fucked him up in th process by making sam’s daddy issues even worse#bc obviously he couldn’t be a perfect dad for sam and he was so much like john#in the end it’s all about the cycles#wincest#samdean#spn
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LET YOUR DAD DIE: IT'S FINE IT'S FINE IT'S WHAT HE DID TO HIS DAD.
Lestat + Claudia: Patricide & The Cycles of Violence - INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE (2022) - Catherine Lacy, "Cut" (2019) / Anne Rice, "The Vampire Lestat" (1985) / Anne Rice, "Interview with the Vampire" (1976)
#iwtv#interview with the vampire#the vampire chronicles#lestat de lioncourt#claudia iwtv#claudia eparvier#claudia de pointe du lac#claudia de lioncourt#web weaving#i know there are 14929825 lestat/claudia comparative posts but i needed this one. for me.#does this make any sense outside of my head#like it's the cycles of violence and abuse and control (obviously)#but also lestat fantasizing/dreaming about killing his dad but not being able to in the end#she did something he always wanted to but never could and he respected her for it. he didn't have it in him but she DID#the lesdaughter of it all#also can we talk about how they both made louis finish the job agahajaj#evil of my evil
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MY GIRL FINALLY HAS A REF SHEET (my longest yeah boy ever)
I'm working on a comic about her see tags for more 👀
#magical girl#ocs#robot oc#magical girl oc#original character#Namicha is the main character of a one shot comic im slowly working on in between my short film titled “Despair's End Terminal Namicha”#It's about her existence as like a magical girl robot entity who is programmed to grant the wishes of other robots#She senses robots in despair and appears before them to grant them a wish then goes onto the next one and so on and so on over and over#She wanders the multiverse attempting to end all despair through the cycle of wishes#Im really excited about this project and its already all written and thumbnailed it just has to be drawn but sadly I must finish my persona#film first#Her name is an anagram of “Machina”!
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consumed by the inevitable
#messyr#you know- I kept thinking: One day. The cage will be open but I feel like I'll stay. Because if I run- I'd wind up dead from their bullet#so I just- tend to- follow as much as I want to rebel and put sense into this fuckass household. I hate seeing the others in pain as well#and it hurts more that it feels like I can NEVER be the one to break this cycle of abuse- when I knew from the start- when I knew too much#but here I am ending up like the rest of them- helpless and unable to do jackshit about the situation. I cant say or do anything at all!#I dont want to end up like them- if anything I want to BREATHE- i want all of us to LIVE without this pain that has existed for generations#I want to help so bad no matter how much I know I am unloved.#no matter how much hate i carry- no matter how much burden- Underneath it all- I'm devoted to them- that's how fucked up I am#i know i'll never be enough. I know how often I think of death and wish it.#But I have a dream to achieve and I am not planning to die until I reach it. Not yet. If pain is where I strive best then so be it.#doodle#vent art#artists on tumblr#bpd#toxic behavior#learned helplessness
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try not to think too hard about the fact that your grandpa (the worst person you know) was literally exactly like you when he was 14 (pr/ship dni)
#rick and morty#rick sanchez#morty smith#im imagining a scenario in which morty meets young rick and hes like Ohhhhh i get it so its all over.#like idk. he already probably has some complex over not ending up like rick#but then seeing how similar they used to be hed probably start feeling like its inevitable#like obviously it isnt. but idk. could fuel some interesting character drama guys im just spitballin here!!!!#something about the cycle of abuse and seeing yourself in your abuser#my art
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Me, to my new date: doctor who thinks it's a sci-fi story because the Doctor thinks it's a sci-fi story and because the companions think it's a sci-fi story, but it's really just a story about ghosts. a story about an ancient creature carrying the ghosts of everyone they have ever loved, meeting new people, and seeing them only as future ghosts. they are haunted by the future and the past and the present because they are the only constant in a world constantly in flux, and they are running as fast as they can to things before they burn and fade to dust but everything will always end, you understand, because this is the only thing the Doctor understands and yet they keep going. they love too much to stop. doctor who is not science-fiction, it's horror and optimism and spiritual more than anything else, it's religious unto itself, the TARDIS is a haunted house and a church and a graveyard and a hospital and the Doctor is the most haunted being in the universe but more than anything, this is a love story, because how can you love something without being haunted by it- hey, what are you doing?
My date, shoving breadsticks in their purse: I have to go-
#more unhinged doctor who meta#doctor who#meta#*into a bullhorn* IT'S A GHOST STORY#ninth doctor#tenth doctor#eleventh doctor#doctor who meta#twelfth doctor#thirteenth doctor#it's abt the time war & dalek & the parting of the ways & doomsday & the last of the time lords & journey's end & angels take manhattan#it's about hell bent and death in heaven and the doctor falls and it takes you away and the woman who fell to earth#it's about the montage of all of the people the doctor has let down#it's about astrid peth and amy pond and rory williams and rose tyler and bill potts and clara oswald and grace o'brien#it's about gaps in memory and memories that live too long to ever heal#the doctor is a haunted house#it's a show about cycles by its very structure#the moment that regeneration became a mechanic for the writers to use and companions began to move out the doctor was DOOMED#but what makes them fascinating is that they see themselves as doomed and blessed at the same time#because they will never ever stop running#clara oswald#amy pond#rose tyler#bill potts#the ghosts are INEVITABLE
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ngl ALL of across the spiderverse was fantastic but that short scene where we got to see a disabled spider-person using a wheelchair and crutches while STILL kicking ass AND making jokes and puns about said mobility aids while doing so singlehandedly cured my depression and added 500 years to my lifespan <3
#spiderman is something that can be so personal actually#I have been thinking about why spiderman is so popular#and I really think it's bcs spiderman is a hero we can all see ourselves in#I don't think suffering is integral to spiderman's story exactly like I like that Miles is saying 'no we can end this cycle'#but I do think spiderman embodies how flawed we as humans are#and our drive to do good and live and get back up no matter how much pain we go through#spiderman really is so personal#and atsv proved that#atsv#atsv spoilers#across the spiderverse spoilers#across the spiderverse
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Looong day of catching up on emails and work to set myself up to be (mostly) on vacation as of xmas 😩☕😵💫
#ore no kao#also finished up the biggest chunk of this editing project i was getting done the past week.5 given work and all 😌#(and may be feeling a thing or two with a little less on the mind)#(might add on a third one getting to the root of the situation maybe 🤔)#also thankfully fully remote from now until the end of January and even then in the office once a week which will be nice#maybe i can get my sleep cycle on track some#happy Monday 🥱#(...also the guy i've hung out with twice that i want to see again--after we had a text talk about expectations and were alright with#trying to be FWBs maybe yet we havent gotten around to and actually haven't texted much since though we keep tabs on IG stories and he's#liked mine--liked the jock photo on my close friends story yet... hasn't seen/replied to my IG text last week saying hope he's been well/#would still wanna hang if that still sounds fun [after i dm'd him open to music recs from a Wrapped thing he shared]...#liiiike... you could get another close-up view if you wanted??? what are we doing lol#wondering if i should check in via text outside of IG... just he didnt text back since my last phone text to him so i havent been sure if#he's still down... lol anywho)
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do you ever think about how lucanis keeps losing and losing and losing — his entire life? losing his parents, losing his childhood because of the crow training, losing his freedom, his sleep, and one year of his life due to imprisonment. then the maker smiles upon him, and he's discovering something good (rook, the veilguard team, purpose), acquiring something back (his family, his life, his freedom, his job, his city), finding some peace in mundane things (coffee, cooking, taking care of others). it feels like the scales are finally moving, balancing — only for him to lose again. he loses caterina, he can lose his city to blight, he loses at weisshaupt, he loses grip on himself (thanks to spite), he loses control — he loses himself, piece by piece. rook can help lighten the load on his chest (thanks to spite), he gets caterina back, and breathing feels a little bit easier. but loss is not done with him. he loses illario, and it feels like losing a limb, a large piece of himself violently torn away. he's visibly shaken, but no one truly knows what it takes to string the assorted pieces of himself together and keep functioning. and then loss deals what seems like the final blow: some of his friends are dead or lost, and rook is gone, too. he failed; he only knows death, doesn't he? life only takes, and takes, and takes, giving only to tease and take it back. at that moment, he's falling apart completely — until they find rook, and there's a sliver of hope once again. the scales are moving, the team wins, they eventually go back to their lives — and that's when he realizes that the final blow is the life as the first talon.
#it's written with romanced lucanis in mind but i felt like it's important to mention that he can lose treviso too#also it's easy to water it down to some sort of karmic explanation: he dealt death and that's what he gets in return#but i think it's a completely wrong and even harmful take#his story could have illustrated perfectly the cruel and abusive system that crows are;#how it breaks people; abuses them for profit and (usually) brings out the worst in them (illario)#and they lose eventually — themselves; if not power#and even if you manage to stay human and sympathetic you keep losing as well because you're trapped in this never-ending cycle of violence-#--and power play; and that would tie perfectly with zevran's story they tried to play out offscreen in the previous games#it would have been so much more meaningful and impactful than uhhh whatever they did in the game 🙃#that would give illario so much more depth as well#also i don't believe lucanis wasn't shaken after the whole illario ordeal (i think it wasn't shown in the game at all????)#like. illario is/was the closest person to him. he spent so much time with him. and yet nothing???#idc about that stupid hero of veilguard badge gimme the brothers' agony!!!!#lucanis dellamorte#illario dellamorte#rook#dragon age the veilguard#dav#dav spoilers#**meta#**writing#UH i love them both so much 😭#someone needs to do the crows rewrites.........#not me obv im not capable but i'd love to read someone's version#anyway.... what do you think.... tell me...... talk to me about the miserable brothers......
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I’ll see analysis on here of characters which is so interesting and insightful, engaging with the show. I’ll see interviews with writers which work in tandem with these analyses and think, yes, what a rich piece of work to engage with and digest.
And then I’ll come across a post completely misunderstanding a character based on a one-note reading of them which has thousands of likes and feel a despair so bitter and an anger so hot it really makes me question how people watch shows these days.
#And seriously why is it always the lesbians on the receiving end of all the vitriol#Why is it always the women characters?#Well I know why but talk about a cycle#vi arcane#caitlyn kiramman#caitvi#arcane#Would it not be better to engage with what a story is telling you about things and feelings you can relate to#Rather than you telling the show how it should be telling things because honestly how are you supposed to get much out of it otherwise#And I do not mean to preach or come off as superior here honestly I’m just frustrated and tired
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Personal headcanon about the "you picked the wrong dellamorte" line, I don't think illario actually likes rook outside the context of them being someone close to lucanis. Like rook on their own isn't much to him, but when they meet it's yet another person talking about his cousin (why isn't he good enough for whatever job they're hiring for?) and on top of that they somehow bring him back from the dead (another whole can of worms for illario). Now he starts turning on the charm, but whether he's actually interested or this is just one more thing his cousin has that he doesn't and it gets under his skin, who knows. Either way, rook ignores illario, the guy who lives off his charm, and is instead interested in the guy who's never even dated before and thinks giving someone a knife is how to flirt. Infuriating
NO THANK YOU !! i am genuinely sorry if i have ever implied illario is into rook like i see some takes about it and unless it like ties into your rook's personal backstory i don't seriously think he's romantically jealous. at all. my enjoyment of that line stems from illario's pathological need to make it about himself and not see his strengths but what lucanis has, and therefore what he doesn't. he's annoyed enough to try and goad you in the middle of a fight about the 'wrong' dellamorte and completely blind to the fact that the venatori are at best, a stupid fucking alliance, and at worst, a cult that will devour the crows from the inside out and illario would have been the one to give them the keys. he sees lucanis make allies, needs his own, and instead of charming the other talons/houses as he should, he (probably spitefully) picks the venatori. or maybe he just thought it would be easier. ugh he makes me want to telekenetically throw him around
#and you raise a very hilarious point too LMFAO#not that he is jealous. just mad as hell its not working <3 I LIKE HIM VERY MUCH AND A NORMAL AMOUNT#to be clear i think his characterisation changed dramatically from wigmaker's job and a lot of his uh#very rash decisions about achieving power feels like they just needed a traitor character for lucanis#to really max out the use of spite. i really wish honestly that there was some canon support for illario#who would probably be a little more liked/popular than lucanis. bc lucanis is respected by the crows#but he's also a very distant 'dellamorte heir' figure. respect is not the same as being liked. so you know#there's the serious assassin with a rep for how good he is at killing#and there's a friendlier assassin with a rep for sweet talking#and neither of those reputations are necessarily true. but i know which one i'd be less afraid of#and i think illario would know that. and be able to use that. BUT WE DONT GET IT. WHATEVER.....#illario dellamorte#veilguard spoilers#answered#also we're introduced to an illario that understands being a crow. and has had all that drilled into him since childhood#why. would he. ally with the venatori.#why would he put himself into a situation that he couldnt control. other than 'the story needs a villain'#what im trying to say. is . there were the makings of a crow civil war here that ends with him tragically dead#if you asked me to expand on this i dont think i could. but like the main issue being the crows not standing together making#the antaam invasion worse (btw regarding this why the fuck were the antaam even invading) so lucanis' quest is#idk. something like uniting the crows together and potentially repairing his relationship w illario#or hardening him and convincing he needs to kill illario#this is me spitballing. dont even mind me#(glances at the 'illario mention' alarm going off in the background)#EDIT: AND ALSO IT JUST CAME TO ME#killing illario as an ending also makes lucanis first talon (oh we're really in the cycles now)#forgiving illario ends with illario becoming 'talon' tho he and lucanis work closely. like a ceo vs cfo#and ends with them repairing their relationship#in the ideal world lucanis would fully leave but im alright with crows making small steps towards becoming a bit healthier
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I also did mock CGs of them for fun!!
(doppelgänger magni and vesper concepts)
#vtuber#holostars#holotempus#magni dezmond#noir vesper#I am so normal about the horror genre#magni's doppel route would've SLAYED#rattles my cage. THE CLONE LORE. THE CLONE LORE#I lowkey want them (the routes in my brain) to be connected#because magni is a doctor and vesper is death...#nobody get me started. I won't shut up#I LOVE PLAYING WITH CONCEPTS AND WORLDS#ugh and I could connect all of HQ's routes#the ending of alt's leads into mag's which leads into ax's which leads into ves'#IT'S A WHOLE CYCLE OF BEING CORRUPTED AND THEN HIT BY KARMA FOR IT#LET ME WRITE A TEMPUS VN. SOB#I don't have time for that. but I can dream
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he delivers himself into Zhuo Yichen’s hands again for salvation but this time, it is salvation for love — the trust that he will be whole again in his hands. no longer seeking destruction. it’s no longer a surrender but a deliverance. destruction and healing all in Zhuo Yichen’s grasp, his end and beginning.
#a complete foil from ep1#I could write another essay about the imagery of hands in FoF#as we all know#but#I am unwell#fangs of fortune#my last episode drafts are defrosting#like that mf mariah carey song#my following meta about yuanyi will revolve around their beginning and end#if u see me use these two words#a lot#to describe them#it’s because I think they truly represent a fated cycle
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LAKE MISSOULA x JONAS VINGEGAARD
credits under cut!
lake missoula - richy mitch and the coal miners // jonas vingegaard - team presentation, tour de france 2024 // jonas vingegaard, tadej pogacar, and remco evenepoel - podium ceremony, tour de france 2024 (belga images) // tadej pogacar and jonas vingegaard - tour de france 2024 // wayward son - rainbow rowell // jonas vingegaard - stage 21, tour de france 2024 // it's down to legs - caley fretz // jonas vingegaard - stage 20, tour de france 2024 // jonas vingegaard - tour de france 2024 // jonas vingegaard - stage 11, tour de france 2024 // a poem on hope - wendell berry // jonas vingegaard and remco evenepoel - stage 19, tour de france 2024 // quora user shulamit widawsky // jonas vingegaard - stage 21, tour de france 2024 (getty images) // jonas vingegaard - stage 21, tour de france 2024 post-race interview (flobikes) // 'now the fight is over': jonas vingegaard concedes tour de france battle for yellow, but still aims for second - adam becket // jonas vingegaard - stage 19, tour de france 2024 post-race interview (flobikes) // video: jonas vingegaard and matteo jorgenson consoled after heart-breaking end to stage 19 of 2024 tour de france for team visma | lease a bike - kieran wood // jonas vingegaard - tour de france 2024 // jonas vingegaard - tour de france 2024 // 'probably the hardest moment of my career'-- jonas vingegaard on his crash and fight to be ready for the tour de france - stephen farrand // jonas vingegaard's tour de france was a venn diagram - iain treloar // rise up and salute the sun: the writings of suzy kassem - suzy kassem // jonas vingegaard - tour de france 2023 // jonas vingegaard - stage 21, tour de france 2024 // jonas vingegaard - stage 11, tour de france 2024 // vingegaard exhausted after tour de france: may cut season short - sjoerd valkering // jonas vingegaard and tadej pogacar - stage 20, tour de france 2024 (belga images) // the thing is - ellen bass // "if you had told me four months ago that i would be second, i wouldn't have believed you" - jonas vingegaard disappointed but proud of his tour de france - ondrej zhasil // jonas vingegaard and tadej pogacar - stage 11, tour de france 2024 // jonas vingegaard - stage 11, tour de france 2024 post-race interview (nbc sports) // alfred lord tennyson // jonas vingegaard and tadej pogacar - stage 11, tour de france 2024 // remco evenepoel and jonas vingegaard - stage 21, tour de france 2024 // jonas vingegaard and tadej pogacar - tour de france 2024 // matteo jorgenson and jonas vingegaard - stage 19, tour de france 2024 // matteo jorgenson and jonas vingegaard - tour de france 2024 // jonas vingegaard and tadej pogacar - podium ceremony, tour de france 2024 // jonas vingegaard and wout van aert - tour de france 2024 (team visma | lease a bike)
#obligatory jonasposting#i don’t know if i got the vibe i wanted to capture?? i feel like watching jonas race this year has ultimately been about hope#like the entire thing at its core feels like a leap of faith- of course visma was obsessively running numbers behind the scenes and#trying to prepare him as well as possible#but in the end he still hadn’t raced since april. he still had less than half the preparation and a massive question mark was following#them to the startline#but he still came. and he still believed. and everyone around him believed beyond everything else-#staff. commentators. fans. everyone was holding their breath because they don’t know where to place their bets#so it all comes down to crossing your fingers every time he gets a mechanical. saying a prayer under your breath when he loses 30 seconds.#and then stage 11 comes along! the tension is suddenly resolved and it’s like seeing the sun again!#but then things start to go downhill- but everyone still keeps hoping. the commentators i was watching were still saying “if” instead of#“when” about his podium in stage 21 because despite everything people still had hope! they don’t want to lay down the hammer#and even when he still finished second#the grief still mingled with the wonderful and beautiful fact that he still did it!#you take a step back and against all odds jonas vingegaard came back from the brink of death and podiumed the fucking tour de france!#and that heartbreak and wonder can coexist. you didn’t hope for nothing. the sky is still blue. the sun still shines. he made it.#sorry long tag rant i’m a yapper at heart y’all#me reading or listening to anything ever rn: omg this is so jonas coded!!!#jonas vingegaard#jv#tadej pogacar#remco evenepoel#wout van aert#wva#matteo jorgenson#tdf#tdf 2024#tour de france 2024#tour de france#cycling
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something bad did indeed happen to that man. spent abt 25 minutes trying to find a better picture of that one (1) offical piece with his eyes open that wasnt compressed or tiny
#library of ruina#yan library of ruina#getting comfortable doodling some objects and mannequin shapes for very obvious reasons. i read the keypage story and now it has a grip on#my brain. wanting to go ahead and plan it out and then draw the mangled memory and nightmare that replays behind the eyelids in the darknes#it was cool to see the reason confirmed from my speculation. twas indeed another reason of blocking out present pain with closing of eyes#considering they made angela have a plot important reason for doing so it would only make sense for another to have a reason for it as well#well. after having a prominent part inside the thumb/index story line. its just going to be yapping about yan now i think#let me add a spoiler tag i suppose? vauge but just incase i dont want to be an asshole. even if most already have played rhe game#library of ruina spoilers#lor spoilers#i really liked the typewritter effect over the voice after distortion. especially so when the effect finishes before the actual garbled voi#does. it makes it feel as if it were being read out after it being written down rather than of own words or volition. along with the text#upon the screen during the fight being just prescripts rather than anything relating to the man himself like the other instances with such#text had been. paired w the name of distorted yan being untranslated to keep the intent of the name being unreadable or not understandable#more into the idea of stripping away of the self or any sense of a self. not personal and not even him anymore. the following of a goal for#the goal for it is given and there isnt any hope of having the ability to not do such a thing. people yearn for a reason and something to d#and for it to be given to them to not hold responsibility nor have to do their own choices anymore. once a crushing weight weighs down#inside the face of an absolute cruelty that is perpetuated and that crushed the dreams or even desires having them be but nothing how can#one move on? it was really nice to see at the end of the fight. its easier to just say such things than to actually do them. even if the ac#ions dont even feel as if they are ones own or that there isnt any say in the matter having to endure all the pain for seemingly nothing it#still is pain. that feeling inside is still real. it still happened. regardless of the circumstances that brought them about#the thumb/index or just fingers seem to be an exaggerated to the extreme showcase of how the colletivist mindset in an unhealthy manner#could be exhibited. the thumb with its hierarchy and absoluteness and the demand for respect along with its strict layers of showing who is#below and who is above. the ability to have power over those underneath . the participation inside of it and the already brought up yearnin#to be apart of a group and to have a title and position inside of a group and of power and even a desire like from pete to join one iirc#the index being of the cruel perpetuating cycle of pain people inflict upon one another a behavior beaten and upkept by the systems as they#drift and desire to live. which causes them to partcipate in that cycle out of necessity. cruel acts upon another in order to live and seei#a need to go ahead and do such things for if they dont they die and another will just do the same to them. social sciences talk and rolands#talks abt how the city opperates reinforce that fact. the index and prescripts are really just a show inside that extreme manner and in a#more literal sense of that. it was really cool to read it..
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jean kevin and neil all being 19 when they officially leave the nest feels significant somehow
(kevin being 19 when he runs, jean being 19 when renee takes him, neil’s fake age being 19 when he leaves after christmas and his real age being 19 when he leaves after riko is shot and he’s officially pardoned by ichirou)
#19 is a happy number (in number theory meaning the sum of the square of each digit reaches 1 in a sequence)#fitting because they escaped#angel number 19 means that you should persevere and trust ur spirit guides are leading you to peace#in numerology it represents ‘an energy of expansion and a new life’#and it matches with the sun card in tarot because the digits add up to 10 and those digits add up to 1 which is the sun’s energy#the sun card itself represents hope optimism and good fortune - it generally means that the universe is aiding you in moving forward#and achieving your dreams#also indicates overall good health - which considering what all three went through prior to leaving and their mental struggles#it doesn’t quite fit#but it definitely seems age 19 for all of them offers them the road to healing eventually#and on that note - 19 is the sacred number of the goddess brigid who amongst other things was the goddess of healing and protection#also the metonic cycle is a 19 year period after which the lunar cycles occur on the same day - there’s a lot about cycles ending#and new - better - lives beginning in relation to the number 19#and of course it’s the last year before ur twenties#always something ending and something beginning#so yes i think age 19 is fitting for them all to be freed finally#aftg#neil josten#kevin day#jean moreau#chatting shit in the tags again!! couldn’t be me!!
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