#in the end it’s all about the cycles
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sam’s daddy issues are just as bad as dean’s btw, if not worse (probably much worse). he canonically had two controlling dads (john and dean). except he’s much better at hiding his vulnerability than dean
#sam and dean’s post s1 dynamic is literally sam being dean and dean being john#also dean practically raised sam and pretty much fucked him up in th process by making sam’s daddy issues even worse#bc obviously he couldn’t be a perfect dad for sam and he was so much like john#in the end it’s all about the cycles#wincest#samdean#spn
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LET YOUR DAD DIE: IT'S FINE IT'S FINE IT'S WHAT HE DID TO HIS DAD.
Lestat + Claudia: Patricide & The Cycles of Violence - INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE (2022) - Catherine Lacy, "Cut" (2019) / Anne Rice, "The Vampire Lestat" (1985) / Anne Rice, "Interview with the Vampire" (1976)
#iwtv#interview with the vampire#the vampire chronicles#lestat de lioncourt#claudia iwtv#claudia eparvier#claudia de pointe du lac#claudia de lioncourt#web weaving#i know there are 14929825 lestat/claudia comparative posts but i needed this one. for me.#does this make any sense outside of my head#like it's the cycles of violence and abuse and control (obviously)#but also lestat fantasizing/dreaming about killing his dad but not being able to in the end#she did something he always wanted to but never could and he respected her for it. he didn't have it in him but she DID#the lesdaughter of it all#also can we talk about how they both made louis finish the job agahajaj#evil of my evil
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consumed by the inevitable
#messyr#you know- I kept thinking: One day. The cage will be open but I feel like I'll stay. Because if I run- I'd wind up dead from their bullet#so I just- tend to- follow as much as I want to rebel and put sense into this fuckass household. I hate seeing the others in pain as well#and it hurts more that it feels like I can NEVER be the one to break this cycle of abuse- when I knew from the start- when I knew too much#but here I am ending up like the rest of them- helpless and unable to do jackshit about the situation. I cant say or do anything at all!#I dont want to end up like them- if anything I want to BREATHE- i want all of us to LIVE without this pain that has existed for generations#I want to help so bad no matter how much I know I am unloved.#no matter how much hate i carry- no matter how much burden- Underneath it all- I'm devoted to them- that's how fucked up I am#i know i'll never be enough. I know how often I think of death and wish it.#But I have a dream to achieve and I am not planning to die until I reach it. Not yet. If pain is where I strive best then so be it.#doodle#vent art#artists on tumblr#bpd#toxic behavior#learned helplessness
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try not to think too hard about the fact that your grandpa (the worst person you know) was literally exactly like you when he was 14 (pr/ship dni)
#rick and morty#rick sanchez#morty smith#im imagining a scenario in which morty meets young rick and hes like Ohhhhh i get it so its all over.#like idk. he already probably has some complex over not ending up like rick#but then seeing how similar they used to be hed probably start feeling like its inevitable#like obviously it isnt. but idk. could fuel some interesting character drama guys im just spitballin here!!!!#something about the cycle of abuse and seeing yourself in your abuser#my art
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Me, to my new date: doctor who thinks it's a sci-fi story because the Doctor thinks it's a sci-fi story and because the companions think it's a sci-fi story, but it's really just a story about ghosts. a story about an ancient creature carrying the ghosts of everyone they have ever loved, meeting new people, and seeing them only as future ghosts. they are haunted by the future and the past and the present because they are the only constant in a world constantly in flux, and they are running as fast as they can to things before they burn and fade to dust but everything will always end, you understand, because this is the only thing the Doctor understands and yet they keep going. they love too much to stop. doctor who is not science-fiction, it's horror and optimism and spiritual more than anything else, it's religious unto itself, the TARDIS is a haunted house and a church and a graveyard and a hospital and the Doctor is the most haunted being in the universe but more than anything, this is a love story, because how can you love something without being haunted by it- hey, what are you doing?
My date, shoving breadsticks in their purse: I have to go-
#more unhinged doctor who meta#doctor who#meta#*into a bullhorn* IT'S A GHOST STORY#ninth doctor#tenth doctor#eleventh doctor#doctor who meta#twelfth doctor#thirteenth doctor#it's abt the time war & dalek & the parting of the ways & doomsday & the last of the time lords & journey's end & angels take manhattan#it's about hell bent and death in heaven and the doctor falls and it takes you away and the woman who fell to earth#it's about the montage of all of the people the doctor has let down#it's about astrid peth and amy pond and rory williams and rose tyler and bill potts and clara oswald and grace o'brien#it's about gaps in memory and memories that live too long to ever heal#the doctor is a haunted house#it's a show about cycles by its very structure#the moment that regeneration became a mechanic for the writers to use and companions began to move out the doctor was DOOMED#but what makes them fascinating is that they see themselves as doomed and blessed at the same time#because they will never ever stop running#clara oswald#amy pond#rose tyler#bill potts#the ghosts are INEVITABLE
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ngl ALL of across the spiderverse was fantastic but that short scene where we got to see a disabled spider-person using a wheelchair and crutches while STILL kicking ass AND making jokes and puns about said mobility aids while doing so singlehandedly cured my depression and added 500 years to my lifespan <3
#spiderman is something that can be so personal actually#I have been thinking about why spiderman is so popular#and I really think it's bcs spiderman is a hero we can all see ourselves in#I don't think suffering is integral to spiderman's story exactly like I like that Miles is saying 'no we can end this cycle'#but I do think spiderman embodies how flawed we as humans are#and our drive to do good and live and get back up no matter how much pain we go through#spiderman really is so personal#and atsv proved that#atsv#atsv spoilers#across the spiderverse spoilers#across the spiderverse
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I also did mock CGs of them for fun!!
(doppelgänger magni and vesper concepts)
#vtuber#holostars#holotempus#magni dezmond#noir vesper#I am so normal about the horror genre#magni's doppel route would've SLAYED#rattles my cage. THE CLONE LORE. THE CLONE LORE#I lowkey want them (the routes in my brain) to be connected#because magni is a doctor and vesper is death...#nobody get me started. I won't shut up#I LOVE PLAYING WITH CONCEPTS AND WORLDS#ugh and I could connect all of HQ's routes#the ending of alt's leads into mag's which leads into ax's which leads into ves'#IT'S A WHOLE CYCLE OF BEING CORRUPTED AND THEN HIT BY KARMA FOR IT#LET ME WRITE A TEMPUS VN. SOB#I don't have time for that. but I can dream
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LAKE MISSOULA x JONAS VINGEGAARD
credits under cut!
lake missoula - richy mitch and the coal miners // jonas vingegaard - team presentation, tour de france 2024 // jonas vingegaard, tadej pogacar, and remco evenepoel - podium ceremony, tour de france 2024 (belga images) // tadej pogacar and jonas vingegaard - tour de france 2024 // wayward son - rainbow rowell // jonas vingegaard - stage 21, tour de france 2024 // it's down to legs - caley fretz // jonas vingegaard - stage 20, tour de france 2024 // jonas vingegaard - tour de france 2024 // jonas vingegaard - stage 11, tour de france 2024 // a poem on hope - wendell berry // jonas vingegaard and remco evenepoel - stage 19, tour de france 2024 // quora user shulamit widawsky // jonas vingegaard - stage 21, tour de france 2024 (getty images) // jonas vingegaard - stage 21, tour de france 2024 post-race interview (flobikes) // 'now the fight is over': jonas vingegaard concedes tour de france battle for yellow, but still aims for second - adam becket // jonas vingegaard - stage 19, tour de france 2024 post-race interview (flobikes) // video: jonas vingegaard and matteo jorgenson consoled after heart-breaking end to stage 19 of 2024 tour de france for team visma | lease a bike - kieran wood // jonas vingegaard - tour de france 2024 // jonas vingegaard - tour de france 2024 // 'probably the hardest moment of my career'-- jonas vingegaard on his crash and fight to be ready for the tour de france - stephen farrand // jonas vingegaard's tour de france was a venn diagram - iain treloar // rise up and salute the sun: the writings of suzy kassem - suzy kassem // jonas vingegaard - tour de france 2023 // jonas vingegaard - stage 21, tour de france 2024 // jonas vingegaard - stage 11, tour de france 2024 // vingegaard exhausted after tour de france: may cut season short - sjoerd valkering // jonas vingegaard and tadej pogacar - stage 20, tour de france 2024 (belga images) // the thing is - ellen bass // "if you had told me four months ago that i would be second, i wouldn't have believed you" - jonas vingegaard disappointed but proud of his tour de france - ondrej zhasil // jonas vingegaard and tadej pogacar - stage 11, tour de france 2024 // jonas vingegaard - stage 11, tour de france 2024 post-race interview (nbc sports) // alfred lord tennyson // jonas vingegaard and tadej pogacar - stage 11, tour de france 2024 // remco evenepoel and jonas vingegaard - stage 21, tour de france 2024 // jonas vingegaard and tadej pogacar - tour de france 2024 // matteo jorgenson and jonas vingegaard - stage 19, tour de france 2024 // matteo jorgenson and jonas vingegaard - tour de france 2024 // jonas vingegaard and tadej pogacar - podium ceremony, tour de france 2024 // jonas vingegaard and wout van aert - tour de france 2024 (team visma | lease a bike)
#obligatory jonasposting#i don’t know if i got the vibe i wanted to capture?? i feel like watching jonas race this year has ultimately been about hope#like the entire thing at its core feels like a leap of faith- of course visma was obsessively running numbers behind the scenes and#trying to prepare him as well as possible#but in the end he still hadn’t raced since april. he still had less than half the preparation and a massive question mark was following#them to the startline#but he still came. and he still believed. and everyone around him believed beyond everything else-#staff. commentators. fans. everyone was holding their breath because they don’t know where to place their bets#so it all comes down to crossing your fingers every time he gets a mechanical. saying a prayer under your breath when he loses 30 seconds.#and then stage 11 comes along! the tension is suddenly resolved and it’s like seeing the sun again!#but then things start to go downhill- but everyone still keeps hoping. the commentators i was watching were still saying “if” instead of#“when” about his podium in stage 21 because despite everything people still had hope! they don’t want to lay down the hammer#and even when he still finished second#the grief still mingled with the wonderful and beautiful fact that he still did it!#you take a step back and against all odds jonas vingegaard came back from the brink of death and podiumed the fucking tour de france!#and that heartbreak and wonder can coexist. you didn’t hope for nothing. the sky is still blue. the sun still shines. he made it.#sorry long tag rant i’m a yapper at heart y’all#me reading or listening to anything ever rn: omg this is so jonas coded!!!#jonas vingegaard#jv#tadej pogacar#remco evenepoel#wout van aert#wva#matteo jorgenson#tdf#tdf 2024#tour de france 2024#tour de france#cycling
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Soooo we still rockin with the Aurora Cycle orrrrrrr
(Commissions are open!!)
#the answer is I AM and it's my blog which means i can do whatever i want#as taylor swift would say “it's been a long time coming”#anyway all of my mutuals are now legally obligated to read this series#if you're interested in a fun kind of corny but emotionally rich sci-fi with FANTASTIC characters then this is for you i promise#aurora cycle#the aurora cycle#aurora rising#aurora burning#aurora's end#squad 312#scarlett jones#finian de karran de seel#finian de seel#fin de karran de seel#fin de seel#finlett#tyler jones#zila madran#aurora o'malley#aurora jie lin o'malley#kaliis gilwraeth#kal gilwraeth#kalora#also for context#the two characters at the top are who i was talking about in my post the other day
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Louis' "You're boring!" Could mean so many things, but I think what's most apparent about that line is that Armand takes no initiative just for himself. He's not really anybody, because he never goes out and finds himself or gets attached to anyone but Louis. Without Louis as his guide he's literally just sitting on a couch picking lint! That's the thing.
He orbits constantly around what would make Louis happy, and never really fully going what would make me happy? Ultimately that drive to please Louis is what drives him to torturing Daniel, not so much that he'd care to just do it. Ultimately, not giving proper care to Louis is just a way to make sure Louis knows he has to orbit around him as well, with shoving Lestat onto him just that other nail on the coffin. So, even if he fails to figure out how to make Louis happy with him, he still knows what Armand is good for, and better than.
That dependency is what drives Armand's abuse. It really just comes down to that. Armand doesn't even realize how suffocated he is by his own dependency. This is just how life is to him. (It shouldn't be lost either that dependency is a theme considering this episode also deals with addiction).
Daniel's fascinating because he's just so driven to be somebody. He's largely independent, he seeks things because he wants them. It's his drug to poke and prod at all the things that he shouldn't. Daniel's exciting because he lets Louis in to something different, lets him in to all this potential in another person that he can also do the same with for himself. It's a real connection. A two way street. It's easy to tell how Armand can be smothering then because he's never introducing him to anything really new, and most the ways both of them connect are all painful and traumatic. It's never just fun because there's always that layer of that pain. Fun died with Claudia.
50 years on they've gotten to a lot better place, both of them, but it's still that same shit. No seriously, "How is this any different from last time, Louis?"
Well... Because Armand's going to be, at the very least, making one [1] decision only for himself - and that's to hold power over Daniel's life. Fucking sick foreshadowing.
They aren't driving each other to the brink anymore but "The vampire is bored" STILL. Maybe it's even worse, despite being in better places, because Louis' sort of just been defeated by it. (I mean, can he even really leave this either?). He's accepting the dependancy cause he kind of has to. He'd literally ended up letting all the enjoyment be up where he can't reach [The book shelves]. Armand so desperately wants Louis happiness but what really ends up happening is that Louis ends up having to give Armand all his own. He's got no one or anything else to get it from. But like an iPad and an over the top eating ritual. Two extremes of what's just more lint picking.
This whole relationship is one I find just tragic inside and out. You have to just pity it, really. There's ways in which you can find yourself feeling bad for both of them. But you can only really be mad at Armand for any of it. Armand, who isn't even 'free' in any sense, having so little concept of his own independence, but is at the same time so controlling over other's. It's a tragic cycle. It's an infuriating one.
Louis at least has the mind to know when enough is enough. If just needing that extra push to get there. Armand's too scared of it being over to even try.
#iwtv#iwtv character analysis#interview with the vampire#louis de pointe du lac#armand#loumand#amc iwtv#iwtv s2#iwtv season 2#don't be afraid just start the tape#Gotta feel bad for Louis for winding up falling in love again with someone ruled so much by their own undealt with shit#making him once again the victim of abuse for it#But at least I guess Lestat values his independence? And Louis to an extent.#Theres a lot less co-dependancy going on between them but it's still like ... there#I'm so serious tho when I say I really want IWTV to go in the direction of 'vampires all dealing with their shit and breaking generational#cycles of abuse' because THATS so IT too me. That's the juice tbh.#because a thing with immortality is that you can't partition away from dealing with shit through knowing you or someone is going to die#You have to confront it you're forced to or else its just FOREVER literally going to be there#Louis (or really Claudia) being the first to really confront that (chef kiss)#which is an interesting thing to depict because technically we all carry the burden of eternity w/in us. Our impact on the world lasts and#what violence we allow in the world without fighting or working against it will never change either.#We have to confront the truth and find reconciliation with all of it or it is just without end there is no bottom to it#theres a lot of discussion on it but I think Louis considers himself a survivor. He's lived to this point and will keep living.#He probably cares too much about the why he ends up a victim (the undealt with shit he can't blame them for) to admit otherwise that he is#Too an extent too he cares and loves the people he's been with to really view it that way. But also this survivor perspective is very#'immortality' accepting. Naming a victim sort of is like naming a kind of death that can't go on from there.#Might make these tags into their own post at some point
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jean kevin and neil all being 19 when they officially leave the nest feels significant somehow
(kevin being 19 when he runs, jean being 19 when renee takes him, neil’s fake age being 19 when he leaves after christmas and his real age being 19 when he leaves after riko is shot and he’s officially pardoned by ichirou)
#19 is a happy number (in number theory meaning the sum of the square of each digit reaches 1 in a sequence)#fitting because they escaped#angel number 19 means that you should persevere and trust ur spirit guides are leading you to peace#in numerology it represents ‘an energy of expansion and a new life’#and it matches with the sun card in tarot because the digits add up to 10 and those digits add up to 1 which is the sun’s energy#the sun card itself represents hope optimism and good fortune - it generally means that the universe is aiding you in moving forward#and achieving your dreams#also indicates overall good health - which considering what all three went through prior to leaving and their mental struggles#it doesn’t quite fit#but it definitely seems age 19 for all of them offers them the road to healing eventually#and on that note - 19 is the sacred number of the goddess brigid who amongst other things was the goddess of healing and protection#also the metonic cycle is a 19 year period after which the lunar cycles occur on the same day - there’s a lot about cycles ending#and new - better - lives beginning in relation to the number 19#and of course it’s the last year before ur twenties#always something ending and something beginning#so yes i think age 19 is fitting for them all to be freed finally#aftg#neil josten#kevin day#jean moreau#chatting shit in the tags again!! couldn’t be me!!
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on the topic of lestat, loustat and the cycle of abuse, it's really striking to me how lestat ends up reproducing the same of abusive family dynamic that he had in the past, with him as his abusive father, louis as his mother and claudia as the child, probably because he really hasn't internalized it and examined himself in the light of it, and overlooks how much he's like father. well, he does know he has "his father's temper" but that's a way to absolve himself of the blame and not really examine and be aware of how he'd be capable of doing the same.
i mean everything he says at the DPDL dinner table is basically what happens later: even the part where he drags claudia back home against her will is hauntingly similar to what was done to him by his father and his brothers.
goes to show how being abused doesn't really prevent you from developing abusive behaviors later in your life. he's one core part of the cycle of abuse, and i really hope the show will eventually address how he needs to change his ways (he admitted at the end that he wronged louis but i would like to see him enumerate the many ways he hurt louis and claudia)
#interview with the vampire#iwtv#amc iwtv#lestat de lioncourt#iwtv meta#cycle of abuse#how was the cycle lestat. was it fun being at the wheel this time#zykamiliah-iwtv#all my svsss mutuals know how much i've talked about svsss and the cycle of abuse so no wonder i ended up thinking about this too
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"When [Aleida] opens the door [to Margo's office after the JSC bombing], I think the immediate fear is, "Margo died, and I never got to tell her that I love her." There's shock there, so she isn't thinking straight, but I think that's what it is — that she's been arguing and fighting with this person, and at the end of the day, she just wants to tell her that she loves her."
#For All Mankind#forallmankindedit#Coral Peña#Aleida Rosales#Margo Madison#ya think Aleida managed to mention she now also has a daughter during the one month period where she was playing#love note express for Margo and Sergei or did she invite her over to dinner and spring a wholeass child on Margo on top of everything else#no but I love how Coral's s3 interview is perfectly in synch with what we see in s4#AT THE END OF THE DAY SHE JUST WANTS TO TELL HER THAT SHE LOVES HER#it was never about the stupid engine designs and it sure af was not about Margo betraying the United States#Aleida couldn't care less she's not loyal to 'murica it's like Coral said her loyalty lies with Margo#THAT'S the betrayal that hurts. Margo not confiding in her. then leaving her. then not contacting her. is what seems impossible to forgive.#then suddenly she's back and it makes everything worse. and for a bit their s3 fight continues in s4.#until they manage to break the cycle. because 'you're not him' and 40something Aleida isn't 28 y/o Margo
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I keep on telling people you're the only one who knows how to plot. Can you teach all of us how to plot, please? I love you.
I AM SUMMONED? PLOT BRAIN SUMMONED?
I love plotting. It's my favorite part of the writing process. Plot is "things that happen" and the best part of writing is imagining things that happen. I'm going to assume that whoever may be reading this knows how to imagine The Happenings, so I'm gonna be talking more about structure, but in like, a kinda abstract sense.
A good plot is a little bit more than a string of events. Plot is like music: there's variation in rhythm and sound and melody, but ultimately there's cohesion, because it's all one song. You can have a bunch of wild things happening, but no matter how strange, there should be something that links them all together, because you're telling one story.
Plot structures are patterns in stories. I'm pretty sure most of them were developed as analysis tools (as in, story already exists > look! it follows this pattern) rather than as writing tools, but people use them as writing tools because it's a neat little way to organize the chaos that is "shit happens." Stories follow patterns for the same reasons music follows patterns: we enjoy the certainty of hitting certain beats. But we also like being surprised. A good pop song doesn't sound like a random collection of sounds, but it also doesn't sound like the middle slider of other songs.
There is this shared concept in both music and writing: the idea of tension and release. Basically, you're playing with reader expectation: there's an imbalance in the experience (tension), and we want to see that imbalance resolved (release). All the common plot structures deal with this basic pattern:
You set an expectation
There are complications to the expectation
You meet the expectation
And this rhythm is happening on multiple levels in writing. Scenes follow this structure (we're gonna get past that door, we're gonna find the murder weapon, we're gonna collaborate and come up with a plan) and all those scenes feed into the overarching expectation (we're gonna solve this murder!). I usually think of chapters as their own mini-story, part of the larger whole. And I think of scenes as their own mini-story, part of the larger chapter. I have engineer brain. I see the gears spinning in the clock. That's why all my chapters have at least One Important Thing happening, because that's that particular chapter's Step #3.
And One Last Important Thing:
In music, a delayed resolution is almost always more interesting than the standard resolution. In writing, that means you wanna drag out Step #2 for as long as you can. That's where the bulk of the story is happening, that's how you build tension, that's how you get people to turn the page.
So when you write a fake dating fic, those bitches better not get together until the very end. I came here for fake dating, not for real dating, damn it. If you resolve that expectation early on, you better replace it with a different expectation that's just as engaging.
But also don't drag it out for too long. Sorry. The hard part of writing is learning the difference between too short and too long. Writing is unfortunately a nuanced skill which is why my advice is like "do this but not too much teehee." But tension and resolution is just rhythm, you can build a sense for it if you engage with enough stories.
#asks#yellowocaballero#writing#writing advice#THANKS FOR ASKING ME THIS MEG I LOVE PLOT I WILL TALK ABOUT HER ALL DAY AND I LOVE YOU TOO#i haven't read a fake dating fic in a long time i just brought it up because it was the first Trope Thing that came to mind#i didn't go into different plot structures because i was trying to boil them all down into the very basic building block of question-answer#but if anyone's curious i usually favor a circular plot structure#the ending reflects the beginning. the song loops: the same beats but with new perspective. cycles.#and by that i mean 'story starts with dink being mean to time' and 'story ends with dink being mean to time (but now it's affectionate)#lazuli talks
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[047] Applied my version of Doom's partial invisibility fuzz effect and an accidental offshoot I created in the process, heehee :-)
#047#xisuma#xisumavoid#daily xisuma#hermitcraft#flashing#pretty sure...better safe than sorry#hey I have so many words about this actually!!!#if you wanna learn what the doom fuzz effect is/how it works I recommend decino's video on partial invisibility. somewhere past the halfway#mark he explains it!#it's basically like...for each pixel you either take the pixel on top of it darken it and use it; or you take the pixel below darken it and#use it. and the way you determine whether you do top or bottom is through a list of “top bottom bottom top bottom” that never changes and#you cycle through. so it's a sort of repeating pattern that you make look random by starting at different places in the list#second gif is created when you apply the effect over an image that has already had the effect applied to it. I coded it on accident and#scared myself HAHAHA#really neat though! first time I actually did image processing because I am a little silly but it went quite well once I figured out#how the frick bufferedimages work#I wanna make this work for non pixel art now mmm. will have to do some un-doomy modifications for that unfortunately. oh well? mmm.#already it's not perfectly in the spirit of doom because I math.random() my problems away when choosing the fuzz table start index for each#new image. if I cared enough I'd carry over the index that I ended on but alas. I do NOT care that much! (shockingly)#all it really changes is that every time you generate the fuzz it's different versus in doom spirit it would always be the same
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