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iturbide · 4 years ago

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Seeing the Sumia breakdown reminded me no one asked about Chrom, so... Chrom character breakdown so the whole trio is together? :D

You know what, you’re right, we do need the whole trio together

How do I feel about this character?

He’s just. So amazing. I didn’t go into Awakening completely blind, but I had no idea what Chrom was really like when I started, and within basically five minutes I knew that I wanted to marry him. (This was a problem because I went with the beanpole on my first run and was playing the game straight, meaning I had no gay romance options; I consider this a travesty and it may have contributed to Future Built). I showed a friend of mine the opening movies, and when we got to the one with Chrom and Lissa, right after Chrom helped Robin up off the ground and smiled she said, entirely unprompted, “I feel like I’m being seduced.”

And what’s so amazing about him is that it’s entirely uncalculated. He’s not trying to charm people, he just has that way about him: he’s open and earnest and wants to help people, even if that means getting into dangerous situations -- and on top of that, he wants to trust people even if he’s told he shouldn’t. He and Lissa might make fun of Frederick and his wariness, but honestly the man has a point; the fact that Chrom would rather let Frederick watch his back for him and give people the benefit of the doubt, rather than letting that mindset infect him and distrusting strangers, is so heartening to me, and one of the many things I really do love about him.

He’s also flawed, though: he’s by no means a perfect person, and is susceptible to doubt and anger both. Even if the game doesn’t give it the attention it deserves he has conflicting legacies that he’s trying to measure himself against: his father the warmonger, who he doesn’t want to be like but fears he’s becoming...and his sister the pacifist, who he wants to live up to but fears he’ll never manage. It makes a fascinating internal character conflict and helps round him out further into his own person, rather than being just another generic blue-haired Lord.

Who do I ship this character with romantically?

ROBIN. From day one it has always been Robin, because the entire game revolves around the bond between these two people. Even if you don’t marry Chrom, the fact is that he and Robin trust one another implicitly, such that Lucina’s herself knows that the person he trusted most in the world took his life; she might not immediately put the pieces together, but it speaks volumes for their relationship. And honestly, the way it’s built, especially in the M!Robin supports, is so incredible: the trust and care between these two people who want to help each other and who can and do rely on one another is incredible, and makes a rock solid foundation for romance down the line. They’re just amazing together and I love it.

Also I wholeheartedly ship him with Sumia because she’s wonderful and brings an entirely different set of skills and outlooks to the table that I think can and would be very useful to the halidom as it continues to grow under Chrom’s watch. And yes, it’s improved 5,000% when he’s with both Sumia and Robin together (because I stand by my OT3).

Who is my brOTP for this character?

Sully, hands down. I’m pretty sure in their supports they talk about how they’ve known each other since they were kids, and I really love the idea of these two growing up together, training together, becoming super tight as friends and being constantly ready to have each other’s backs. Sully also makes a fantastic wingman for Chrom, let’s be real here. Vaike is another that I really enjoy, because the idea of them having this friendly rivalry where they’re constantly sparring and trying to one-up each other is really fun. Having them be just a chaos trio together is one of my favorite things and I really need to find a place to put that in because it’s arguably hilarious to think about Chrom getting terrible advice for how to flirt with someone from Vaike and getting smacked upside the head later by Sully after failing spectacularly with it.

What’s my Unpopular Opinion™ about this character?

He’s really not that dumb, you guys. Fandom loves to play up that one line from Gaius’ support with Olivia about Chrom eating an unpeeled orange (which may not even be true, it could have just been Gaius trying to make Olivia laugh), and conflating it with the idea that he’s dumb as a box of rocks. There is very little that frustrates me more than the whole “moronsexual” joke that runs around fandom with regards to him and Robin, and it’s just not fair to Chrom as a person. He’s not an idiot: he can do dumb things, like most people, but he is also a very capable and considerate person, and an accomplished fighter: if he were really as stupid as fandom likes to play up, he’d have been dead before getting any kind of proficiency with a sword. Just because he can lose focus and mess up doesn’t mean that he’s a hopeless idiot.

What’s one thing I wish would have happened with this character in canon?

Okay so this is probably weird but I honestly wish that he’d tried to talk to Grima in the end. Most of the conversation after Validar’s death at the Dragon’s Table is between Robin and Grima, and the final battle starts with the call to arms rather than any attempt to engage with the Fell Dragon; basically Chrom writes Grima off as unreachable and a force that needs to be destroyed based solely on Grima’s words, Lucina’s news of the future, and Naga’s insistence that it has to be done...even though Grima doesn’t actually hurt them at any point before the final battle.

Do you see how weird that is? Grima could, logically, have gone ahead and shot Chrom through the heart with a Thoron at the Dragon’s Table, since they state flat-out that they were the one who killed Chrom in Lucina’s timeline and that they share the same Heart of Grima with Robin, so it arguably would have fulfilled the same purpose regardless of whose hand summoned the spell -- but they didn’t. They talked a big game and the giant dragon came back but Chrom at no point took fire from Grima -- heck, even after raising the dragon form Grima lets them go, flying off past Origin Peak and letting them parley with Naga.

Considering the fact that Chrom made an attempt to talk Walhart into a laying down his arms and forging an alliance, and willingly engaged twice with Validar in good faith (once after the events at Port Ferox, once after returning in hopes of acquiring Sable), it seems bizarre to me that he wouldn’t do the same with Grima. He’s been trying so hard to hold true to his sister’s virtues of peace, of trying to talk rather than going immediately to arms the way his father would have, that it feels like he’s backsliding in the final battle when his quote facing Grima in combat is literally “I come to end you.” I just wish he’d remembered Emmeryn’s ways in that moment, and at least tried; even if it failed like it did with Walhart, it would have been a powerful reminder that he’s still trying to live up to the best influence in his life.

Give Me a Character

#answered #unsuspecting-person #meme #fire emblem: awakening #chrom #wow this got long #i have a lot to say about chrom apparently #but then he is pretty great all in all

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thewatsonbeekeepers · 4 years ago

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Chapter 10 – Oh No Love, You’re Not Alone [TLD 2/2]

[A line from Rock’n’Roll Suicide, which titles the previous chapter – listen here! X Possibly Bowie’s best song.]

This chapter aims to break down the infamous hug scene step by step – I couldn’t handle this scene for a long time, Mary and Irene seriously breaking with the otherwise reasonably coherent series, but I have a reading. This reading is complicated in that it relies – like this whole meta series – on every character in the scene being a part of Sherlock. This is obviously sad because it means that our boys don’t come together in one of the only moments of physical affection they’ve been allowed in the last ten years, but bear with it. There are three important symbols we need to know going into this scene: our three main characters. The grounding of this meta series is that, within the EMP, Sherlock is our eyes, the part of his brain that is consciously navigating the subconscious and trying to make sense of it. John represents his heart, normally in antithesis with Mycroft as the brain, but in TLD really taking centre stage himself. To get a handle on Mary, I refer you back to my TST metas [XX]; TLDR, at the end of TST Sherlock stages Mary’s assassination attempt on himself via Norbury, only to replace himself with Mary at the last second because he cannot cope with the implication that it is the loss of him that has made John suicidal. To be colloquial, then, Mary is comphet – which is essentially her function in every Sherlock Holmes adaptation anyway, but you know. Thinking about Mary in terms of comphet is useful particularly in terms of her obsession with Sherlock wearing the hat which dogs the end of this episode, and which for many spoiled this scene the first time around (i.e. me). Wearing the hat is a euphemism in tjlc for masking one’s sexuality, drawing on the Victorian phrase ‘a hat of someone else’s choosing’ X – Sherlock’s throwing off of the hat was so momentous in TAB that many of us were reluctant to see it brought up again. However, this all makes sense.

Before we take this scene from the top, I feel the need to say that someone has brought me tea in a glass, by pure coincidence. I feel this is a good omen.

The scene opens talking about Eurus!Faith, and one of the first possibilities touted is that Sherlock made up a dream woman who gave him all the info he needed. Not subtle – although Eurus has other purposes in the narrative which become very important, she does also kick the narrative along quite nicely here. However, as mentioned in the previous chapter, she’s not the only character who does – think of the random comments that allow Sherlock to piece together ‘everyone’, despite having nothing to do with the case. So what our boys are saying about Eurus!Faith, if we think about it in the context of the episode, instead of just her, points to the artificiality that is casting such a massive shadow right now. John’s ‘magic dream woman’ comment comes straight after Sherlock talking about being able to predict anything – undermining the entire basis of the episode as magic and dreamlike, so we know where we stand. Sherlock is only experiencing all of this semi-lucidly – kind of like TAB – so it’s up to his heart to try to get him to twig it I suppose.

Sherlock then suggests that Eurus!Faith was a hallucination brought on by drugs, in keeping with the theme of the episode, but also with our own themes. Drugs are used to cover up one’s true sexuality, and Eurus up until this point has only been used in her various disguises to veil Sherlock’s desires as heterosexual, so in that sense she is linked to the mirage that drugs can cause. Heart!John’s response is to keep Sherlock off the ‘sweeties’, which is a good sign for us – the more we fixate on the sober region of Sherlock’s brain, the more we’re in the place where he can’t hide from who he is, and his heart is pushing him there.

It seems that comphet!Mary is the one pushing Sherlock to talk to his heart here, which might raise questions, but as we’ll see one of the first things she tells heart!John to do is to ‘make him wear the hat’ – everything she says is fitting in with the paradigm of Sherlock Holmes that the heart cannot cope with and needs to leave behind. Mary also suggests that Sherlock should wear the hat to her as a tribute, because she’s dead. I like to read this as the weird sense that we should be respectful of old classics, as though queering them is somehow disrespectful – this gets thrown up a lot in relation to Sherlock Holmes. One time it really got thrown up though was in the making of TPLoSH – the reason it’s not more explicit is because the Conan Doyle estate didn’t want Wilder to damage ACD’s legacy. The necessity for comphet of the Victorian era is dead and gone, but we still consistently pay tribute to it in our culture.

Sherlock keeps mentioning Culverton’s confessions, which we’ve talked about in the last chapter – but in this world of mirrors, he’s unable to map them onto himself perfectly yet. It’s the same thing as Eurus heterosexualising his interactions – we’re working in a world of mirrors and proxies, because the reality of queerness is so off limits in his mind.

Then we get the text alert. Irene Adler has long been established within the mind palace as a symbol of Sherlock’s sexual desire. So, at the end of this, as Sherlock is about to neglect his heart and let it descend out of Baker Street, we get this sudden cry of sexuality – and the heart turns back. Comphet!Mary, through the hat linked to conventional storytelling metatextually propelling Sherlock’s comphet well into the 21st century, immediately jumps to the conclusion that Sherlock loves Irene Adler. There are several reasons why this is absolutely wrong. Firstly, we are dealing entirely in symbolic people here, so why Irene would suddenly be a real person instead of a metaphor is tonally dubious. Secondly, Irene is a long established metaphor for sexuality anyway. But thirdly, and most importantly – this scene, which revolves around the Irene Adler text alert, is the beating heart of the episode and arguably the entire series. For Irene Adler to be referenced once more in the series, in a minor line, suggests that she is not the actual focus. It’s about what’s going on within Sherlock.

[A side note: Mary’s exposition in this scene makes me cringe – I hope I’m not the only one? But if you will set up a complex network of metaphors and then leave several years between series, maybe you need that.]

John then deduces that it’s Sherlock’s birthday – again, reasonably unbelievable that he wouldn’t know this, given that Mummy and Daddy Holmes would definitely have made a big deal of it. It’s difficult to know for sure what the birthday symbolises, but John saying he has always wanted to know it might make us remember Sherlock actually seeking out John’s birth certificate to find the name Hamish on it. This meta [X] explains why this represents hiding a part of ourselves that is essential – i.e., from birth – which would fit the concept of the birthday. However, this may be tenuous.

Heart!John’s outburst at the discovery of Sherlock’s sexual desire – not necessarily how it is directed, but that it exists – is basically: well, what do you do about it? Why don’t I know about this? It is incredible that Sherlock has managed to compartmentalise this from his heart for so long, but that’s the pro of having an incredibly intricate mind palace I suppose. The Harvester in High Wycombe situation is sex without strings attached – I think the veiled suggestion here is masturbation, because Sherlock has refused the heart any involvement in it, but Sherlock denies the suggestion. The level at which heart!John is losing it is desperate, and the idea that ‘High Wycombe is better than you are currently equipped to understand’ suggests an affection starvation of epic proportions. I had problems with John’s claim that romantic entanglement would complete Sherlock as a human being (Sherlock being ace is a common reading, often touted by the writers themselves, and whilst I don’t subscribe to the theory such a statement plays into a pretty harmful narrative about ace people). The line is still dubious when said by heart!John because of the wider narrative it plays into, but spoken by Sherlock’s heart to himself does suggest that Sherlock’s denial of his sexuality has been crippling him.

The idea that comphet!Mary sent heart!John back to Sherlock is a difficult one – there are two warring versions of Sherlock’s heart here, and comphet!Mary’s idea of heterosexuality (posh boy and dominatrix, even whilst metatextually acknowledging that it’s a boring cliché) does require the unity of Sherlock and his heart, just in a way that isn’t possible. However, another possible reading about letting Sherlock die without comphet!Mary might take us back to TST – the hypothesis assassination when comphet!Mary took the bullet for Sherlock at the last second admittedly slowed down Sherlock’s analytical processes, but it’s quite possible that his heart wasn’t ready for it, that the heart wouldn’t have let him realise it and Sherlock would actually have died in the mind palace. His heart was too afraid to show up – which, true or not, is echoed in the idea that heart!John wasn’t there when Sherlock/Mary were shot by Norbury, but attending to heteronormative domesticity (sorry Rosie). It’s also devastating that the heart wants to be the Sherlock Holmes of the stories still – and we’re breaking through, but it’s TFP which will finally push through that, not this scene.

Heart!John’s admission of cheating here is vital. Eurus as mirror for John has long been discussed, and as we’ve seen in a previous chapter (X) she takes on a female form to give Sherlock’s desires an acceptable outlet – but here we have an acknowledgement from heart!John that he betrayed comphet!Mary in his texting of Eurus. The texting is made to parallel Sherlock’s own engagement with his sexuality in terms of Irene – he’s later revealed to have texted her too. Whether that just suggests merely thoughts or masturbation (or something else?) I don’t know, but the parallel suggests that such engagement with his sexuality is the same as heart!John’s covert engagement with gay trauma Eurus – in other word, both romantic and sexual illicit desires have been acknowledged, and have existed simultaneously though compartmentalised. We can see the paralleling of heart!John’s romantic desires with Sherlock’s sexual desires in moments like when heart!John admits that he still wants more – the camera focuses on Sherlock, who looks at heart!John like a moment of realisation (possibly because he’s recognising the form his heart has taken – that’s the headcanon).

But this is not a happy scene. Heart!John declares that he has never been capable of comphet, but that he wants it, and comphet!Mary tells him to get the hell on with it – taking special emphasis to call him John Watson. There’s no Hamish here, which in a conversation begun on birthdays might make us worry, but crucially calling him John Watson rather than John is a link back to the original stories, when we know that using just first names is a big indicator of the modernity (read queerness) of the adaptation, not least in the EMP (see TAB). Comphet!Mary’s heterosexual compulsion is thus still going strong based on the historical stories. And what’s sad here is that the impulses are acknowledged! Sherlock not only acknowledges his sexual desire but even that he acts on it (the texts), and heart!John acknowledges his romantic attraction, and where they had been compartmentalised the hug as a moment of unity tells us that Sherlock has joined those dots, acknowledges his existence as a romantic and sexual being. And then – he puts the hat on, he still needs a high of some description to cope with his birthday. I believe that Sherlock’s acknowledgement of Mary’s ghost at the end, previously visible only to John, is a new recognition of the compulsory heterosexuality that his heart has been grappling with – but he puts on that hat in order to capitulate to it. (Never fear, the hat is coming off later).

The hat wearing comes in a separate scene, in terms of framing, to the official hug scene, although logically they must happen within 20 minutes of each other in the same room. [I am resisting the urge to make a crack joke about what happened in the interim. I’m sure there’s something on AO3 about it.] It’s a horrible addendum, because heart!John has just confessed his biggest secret, and Sherlock acknowledges it – but then immediately downplays it. Just texting. In superficial terms, this downplaying is personally not what I would want from a friend – in metaphorical terms, it’s deadly. It’s a subtle undermining of the entire previous scene. We can see that the wall hasn’t been broken through, that he’s still chickened at the last second (much like at the end of TST) in other ways – he still has the appearance of drugged Sherlock, in particular the facial hair, which is used to reference bearding typically in the show. I also maintain – though others may take issue with this – that Cumberbatch’s gait changes when he plays a high Sherlock, and although ostensibly not high here that slightly clumsy gait remains the same. It is not a good vibe. And then, the final shot of this scene isn’t one of acceptance or closure. After Sherlock acknowledges Mary’s presence, the look on Martin Freeman’s face is one of quiet but terrible sadness, as well as anxiety.

A final thought before I leave this scene, having discussed what happens at the end of TLD in a different chapter – it’s worth noting that Sherlock has a mug of an unspecified hot drink throughout this scene, but it’s left ambiguous whether it’s coffee or tea. (Yes, it could be something else, but given the heavy focus on coffee and tea earlier in the episode, along with the pre-established drinks code, we can assume.) This ambiguity, I think, is deliberate – it allows Sherlock to acknowledge desire but still mask it through vagueness and ambiguity. It’s a way of lying to himself – and goodness knows we’re all capable of that, and can probably see how such a fudge might apply to a mental analysis of such a situation. I’d love to hear others’ thoughts on this scene though – do let me know! Until next time.

#sherlock meta #emp theory #tjlc #tjlc is real #meta #my meta #mine #thewatsonbeekeepers #bbc sherlock #chapter ten: oh no love #you're not alone #david bowie ref #what a guy #mofftiss #johnlock

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qrovidcore · 4 years ago

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hey what’s up tumblr i’ve now seen hbo’s watchmen all the way through Three Fucking Times and i very well may go for a fourth if given an excuse whoops and apparently i can’t stop thinking about Laurie’s joke in She Was Killed By Space Junk, no i’m not the first person to analyze this and i’m sure i won’t be the last but i sure do have some Thoughts^TM, so here’s some meta let’s go.

major spoilers ahead for the entire series:

Hey, it’s me again. I’ve got a joke. Stop me if you’ve heard this one. There’s this guy, he’s a bricklayer. He’s really good at it. He’s a real master of his craft. Because he’s precise. Every brick has its place. Anyway this guy has a daughter and he’s gonna teach her to be a bricklayer because after all, all a man has is his legacy. So dad decides to build a barbecue in the backyard. He does the math. He figures out exactly what he needs and he shows the daughter how to do everything. Step by step. And when he finishes, it’s a beauty. It’s a perfect barbecue. Just the way he drew it in blueprints. Only one problem. There’s a brick left over. One single brick. The guy freaks out. He must have done something wrong. He’s gonna have to start all over again. So he picks up his sledgehammer to knock the thing to pieces and his daughter suddenly says ‘daddy wait! I have an idea.’ She picks up the orphan brick and throws it up into the air as high as she can. And then…shit. Messed it up.

Okay forget that joke. Can I tell you another one?

As I said, I’m not the first to break down that Laurie is referring to specific people who have an influence on the story, there’s plenty of meta posts online that’ll say the same thing. I just think this is a Really Clever way to introduce us to her, to the major players in this story, and to the events from the comic that are going to end up being referenced. Anyhow, the bricklayer here is The Comedian. Laurie’s father. I’ll get back to this and how it connects later, but given that one of Watchmen’s major themes is the concept of legacy - who carries it and how, and what happens when that legacy is painful - this is a neat little hook into that idea. Laurie’s dad’s legacy. What she’s done with it, what she’s going to do with it, how she feels about it. Again, coming back to that.

Okay. Forget the brick. New joke. Three heroes die and they all show up at the pearly gates. God’s there and he’s going to decide what their eternal fate shall be: heaven or hell. Our first hero is dressed up like a big owl. God says to him “I gifted you the ability to make fantastic inventions. What did you do with this amazing talent?” Owl guy says “I made this really awesome flying ship and lots of cool outfits and weapons so I could bring peace to the city.” God asks, “So how many people did you kill?” Owl guy seems offended. He says “Zero. I didn’t take a single life.” God frowns. “Sorry owl guy, your heart’s in the right place but you’re just too soft.” God snaps his fingers and the hero goes to hell.

I'm not super into the comic so it took me a while to get that she's referencing Nite Owl. I think this is strange since he doesn't appear in the show himself, whereas everyone else she talks about does, but I suppose it gives a more rounded-out view of the different approaches to heroism, and what exactly constitutes it, and also ties in another one of the original Minutemen. They did cut this over her arrest of Mr. Shadow in the bank, which makes me wonder about his role and why he appeared, and I still find it strange that this part of the joke wasn't about someone who had more of a presence in the show. (Though that being said, DC making fun of Batman, their own big-ticket character? 10/10 thank you for this).

Where was I? The pearly gates await our next hero in line for Almighty judgment. Our hero number two is confident he can game this out because that’s his God-given talent: smarts. Some might even say he’s the smartest man in the world. “So what did you do with that big brain I gave you?” asks God. “As a matter of fact, I saved humanity, ”says Smarty Pants. “Well how’d you do that,” asks God.” “Well I dropped a giant alien squid on New York and everybody was so afraid of it they stopped being afraid of each other.” “OK,” says God. “How many people did you kill?” Smarty Pants smiles. “Three million, give or take. But you can’t make an omelet without breaking a couple of eggs. “Christ,” God says. “You’re a fucking monster.” “Am not,” says Smarty Pants. God snaps his fingers and our hero goes to hell.

GOD YES PLEASE DRAG OZYMANDIAS. GET THIS FUCKER’S ASS. Though the line that’s sticking out to me here is “You can’t make an omelet without breaking a couple of eggs.” Watchmen’s got an egg motif - and that’s an entire post on its own - and wow this is a place to drop it. I find it interesting that it’s given to Adrien here. Especially since it comes back later, when Will tells Angela that that’s what Jon said in justification of giving his life to stop the 7th K/Cyclops and Trieu. Eggs are used for a lot of things, but this line ties the motif solidly to a value of life here - how Adrien is the way he is because he refuses to value other peoples’, and maybe how Jon is the way he is because, when you can see the future laid out before you and live knowing how you’re going to die, how do you learn to value your own?

Okay. We’re down to the nitty gritty now. One hero left. God cracks his knuckles ready to administer the final reckoning. Now Hero Number 3 is pretty much a god himself. So for the sake of telling them apart, he’s blue and he likes to stroll around with his dick hanging out. He can teleport, he can see into the future, he blows shit up. He’s got actual superpowers. Regular God asks Blue God what have you done with these gifts?” Blue God says “I fell in love with a woman, I walked across the sun, and then I fell in love with another woman. I won the Vietnam War. But mostly I just stopped giving a shit about humanity.” God sighs. “Do I even need to ask how many people you’ve killed?” Blue guy shrugs. “A live body and a dead body have the same number of particles so it doesn’t matter. And it doesn’t matter how I answer your question because I know you’re sending me to hell.” “How do you know that?” asks God. Blue God sounds very sad when he softly says “Because I’m already there.” And so, a mere piston in the inevitable of time and space God does what he did and will do. He snaps his fingers and the hero goes to hell.

And now, we’ve got Jon. Dr. Manhattan. It's a neat moment of insight into his actions, motives, and how those are perceived by others (namely Laurie), and it's a nice thread of introduction to his previous actions to drop for audiences who haven't read the comics (actually, I can make this point about Adrien’s part of the joke too). Especially because most of what we get of Jon in-show is his relationship with Angela, his entire character arc really revolves around her and we don't see him portrayed as the contentious, unfeeling figure the world sees him as. So this sort of contrast between him as a figure and him as a person is very telling, doubly so coming from someone who it's clear knew him. And I really appreciate that there’s just as much stiffness as there is warmth to the Jon we the audience see - he’s kind, he’s loving, but he’s also very matter-of-fact and deterministic, and that bit of characterization really spans the gap between these two versions of him.

And so it’s been a long day at the pearly gates. All the heroes have gone to hell. His work done, God’s packing up to go home and then he notices someone waiting. But it’s not a hero, it’s just a woman. “Where did you come from?” asks God. “Oh I was just standing behind those other guys the whole time, you just didn’t see me.” “Did I give you a talent,” God asks. “No, none to speak of,” says the woman. God gives her a good long look. “I’m so sorry. I’m embarrassed. Seriously, this almost never happens but I don’t know who you are.” And the woman looks at God and she quietly says “I’m the little girl who threw the brick in the air.” And a sound from above, something falling: the brick. God looks up but it’s too late. He never saw it coming. It hits him so hard, his brains shoot out his nose. Game over. He’s dead. And where does God go when he dies? He goes to hell.

Into some Thoughts^TM that I haven’t seen anyone theorize yet(?): I think God is meant to be Lady Trieu, and even if Laurie wouldn’t know this yet that’s some brilliant fucking foreshadowing. It's not as exact, but enough parallels are there that I think they're purposeful. It makes Trieu out as the ultimate judge of everyone - and in a way, she is. She sees herself as the most deserving of power of everyone, and it's her who kills Dr. Manhattan - sends him to hell, you could say, and he knows she's going to do it. It also hints at how she's going to die too, crushed by her machine falling from the sky like the brick, because she didn't expect anyone would be capable of stopping her. And where does God go when he dies? He goes to hell. Trieu isn't ultimately above the others, and she's subject to their justice as they are to hers.

Fitting too that Laurie is involved with the plan to stop Trieu, since, as I said I’d come back to, the girl who threw the brick is Laurie herself. Her depiction of herself in this way is representative, perhaps, of Laure's own feelings on vigilantism and what justice is, and that she's the force that's going to bring down these overblown personalities and their many incorrect uses of their abilities. Given this, it's interesting to think how the "failed" joke at the beginning connects, given that Laurie's dad is the bricklayer, and he's definitely... not a good person, or at least not in this continuity. But I wonder if it's indicative of what Laurie mentions about her parents training her up to do vigilante stuff (especially since she’s based in part(?) on a member of the Minutemen from the comic), and how she feels about her father and his work. If the brick is symbolic of his work as a vigilante, is Laurie throwing the brick in the air, and ultimately taking down the threat at the top, meant to indicate how she sees herself using what she learned from him, or - maybe and - a disrespect for his work based on her justified hatred of him?

Roll on snare drum. Curtains. Good joke.

#god hi i guess i'm watchmen posting now #i am so sorry #i doubt watchmen is a thing that needs my thoughts but unfortunately i am hyperfixing and i have way too many of them #am i posting this because i want to draw something based on this with trieu as god? mayhaps but it's way too fucking long so we'll see #i may also be posting this for my partner despite his not being on this hellsite #bc i was trying to explain this to him at like 3 in the morning last night while actively falling asleep so #aaaaaanyhow #hbo watchmen #the paranoid android speaks!

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silver-imagines · 5 years ago

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Bad Liar (Mysterio x Reader)

"Oh, hush, my dear, it's been a difficult year And terrors don't prey on Innocent victims Trust me, darling, trust me darling It's been a loveless year I'm a man of three fears Integrity, faith and Crocodile tears'

- Bad Liar (Imagine Dragons)

Summary: Aiming to live up to her sister’s legacy, a whole lot of trouble is in heading for (Y/n), trouble in the form of a Blue eyed devil.

Word count: 2.9k+

Hahaha guess who came back from the dead ! Me! This is the first part of what I expect will be a miniseries at the least, hopefully you guys enjoy it!

(Y/n) followed behind Fury and Hill, sharp eyes assessing the damage around them in the small Mexican village. Rubble, pieces of broken glass and wood, torn pieces of clothing, the classic aftermath of a tornado.

“This is merely a tragedy, not our kind of problem.” Hill announced, not knowing why there were investigating a natural disaster. “Locals claim the cyclone had a face, now that seems like our kind of problem.” Fury replied to her. Scanning the scene, (Y/n) spotted a young child, no older than ten, sitting on the ground with a bleeding knee and an old lady trying to help him.

Wasting no time, she leapt over the pile of rubble, kneeling down besides the kid and pulling out the small med kit out of her utility belt and helping the kid, completely oblivious to the cape clad hero that appeared out of nowhere.

He recognised her, of course he did, she was a regular face in the Stark Tower. He knew about her comings and goings, she was essentially an Avenger, well, more of a behind the scenes Avenger. Sort of like Black Widow but she operated at a more secretive level.

Seeing her in that Mexican village, his heart rate jumped, fearing that she would recognise him, and he’d be exposed, exposed for the fraud he was.

But it seemed like the stars and heavens were in his favour, and she looked right over him, not recognising him, gun out of the holster faster than he could blink with an intense ferocity that mirrored his rage for revenge. Her and Hill’s actions mirrored each other’s, both revolvers pointed straight at him as he raised his hands.

She was rather close to Stark, he’d heard him mention her name a couple of times, but Quentin struggled to remember, but whatever it was, all it mattered was that she didn’t recognise him and at this realisation, a devilish plan began to formulate in his mind as he thanked himself for keeping a ring on his finger, he’d make them all pay for the dead man’s sins.

“My name is Quentin Beck! I’m here to help!’ He announced, trying his hardest not to smirk.

_____

‘Mr Beck, if you would follow me, Director Fury would like to talk to you” (Y/n) announced, straightening her back, pulling her arms behind her back, standing up tall in front of the blue-eyed hero. He gave her a swift nod and she began to lead him through the maze of hallways.

She was different from what he had expected, in the time he had been here, the only words that had left her lips were short, one worded response. Perhaps it was the age that matured her mind, or the events of the last five or so years but whatever it was, it certainly made his job a little harder.

You see, every hero had their damsel in distress, Stark with Potts, Thor with Jane, the list could continue but Mysterio, he didn’t have a lady, and it would be a step up if his so-called damsel was basically an Avenger no?

______

“Peter!” (Y/n) gushed, ruffling the younger boy’s brown hair as he engulfed her in a tight hug, she hadn’t seen the kid for a while, not since the funeral.

“Ms (Y/N)!!” The younger boy beamed back at her, feeling relieved upon seeing a familiar, almost familial face. Quentin observed the pair interact, Peter telling her all about his plans for the trip and how Fury shot his friend with a tranquilliser. His eyes were set on (Y/n), she was almost an impossible book to read, the only advance he had made was the day he initially met her and all he could do now was give her long, calculative glances.

“Do you reckon you could talk to Fury for me? I really, really need this break, I, Mr Stark is gone, (Y/N) I can’t, I’m not ready for this” Peter rambled. The older girl felt her heart sink, he had suffered so, so much at such a young age. There was just too much responsibility on his young shoulders, shoulders that weren’t ready to carry the weight of the world yet. He was just a kid. Before she could respond, Fury appeared out of nowhere.

“Mr Parker, if you’d follow me.” He announced, his loud voice booming in the room, alerting every one of his presence and (Y/n) nodded and turned towards Peter, giving his warm hands a soft squeeze, knowing there wasn’t much she could do and gestured for him to follow the Director.

Peter gave her a dejected look before following Fury into another room, leaving the pair alone in the large space. Quentin quickly returned to the holographic map on the desk, pretending he hadn’t been staring at the (h/c) girl.

“Why have you been watching me?” (Y/n) soft voice echoed through the room, causing Quentin’s head to shoot up. She had noticed, of course she had, there was a reason she was one of the best in SHIELD, she never missed a detail. Of course, when she noticed a pair of blue eyes following her

It was working.

“I uh, I don’t know what you mean.” He replied, leaning back against the table as he faced her, she was no longer in her SHIELD uniform, but rather black jeans and a baggy grey hoodie.

“Don’t pretend to be naïve, I’ve seen you, you’ve been watching me, I'm a trained spy, I know when someone’s watching me Mr Beck, this got anything to do with that night in Mexico?” She asked, folding her arms and leaning sideways against the pillar, eyeing the blue-eyed man. He dropped his head as he fidgeted with the gold band on his middle finger, drawing her eyes to it.

“I uh, I should have apologised earlier Ms (Y/n).”

“Yes, maybe, but that doesn’t answer my question, why have you been watching me?” She continued, slightly enjoying the fact the hero was getting flustered.

“You just, I uh, you remind me, you remind of my wi- of someone I knew’ He mumbled. (Y/n) straightened up, a clueless expression taking over usually emotionless face and she tilted her head sideways.

“Whatever it is, just keep your eyes to yourself Mr Hero.” She chuckled, standing her guard, it wasn’t in her nature to let any of her emotions take control of her.

“Who are you? Director Fury called out, aiming his own gun towards the cape clad man. Ushering the old lady to take the kid and leave the scene, (Y/n) stood up, keeping her gun still pointed towards the mysterious man.

Luscious brown hair, a scruffy beard, light coloured eyes, she couldn’t judge the colour properly from this distance, a gold armour and a red cape, was this another Asgardian? Thinking that this would be another New York situation, she rolled her eyes, an action Quentin didn’t miss.

“My name is Quentin Beck, I’m here to help!” He called out, raising his hands in the air, praying they wouldn’t shoot him thinking he was the bad guy, but like come on, how much more obvious could it get that he was the hero? He had a cape on for crying out loud.

“You’ve got five seconds before we shoot!” Fury called out, knowing better than to be naïve and believe everyone he encountered.

“I’m from another Earth, these creatures, the Elementals, they destroyed my Earth, and now they’re using portals to attack the other Earths, and this was the wind one.” He explained, coming closer to the trio. Fury nodded, amused at the explanation and motioned for him to continue.

‘I know where the next one will strike, the Water Elemental, it’s the same coordinates as the attacks on my Earth.” He continued to explain, hoping that they would believe him. Fury motioned for Maria and (Y/n) to lower their guns and they reluctantly did, still being alert in case the situation went south as Beck continued to explain.

Another Earth, creatures called Elementals, the loss of his Earth, tear from Thanos’ snap, what a story. He was in the middle of explaining the next Elemental’s attack when a strong gush of wind appeared again, in the shape of the large animal.

“Stand back, you don’t want any part in this.” Beck yelled, flying upwards as green mist surrounded him, shooting green laser beams at the creature. Hill and Fury dove to the left side, taking cover under a half-broken stone building, whereas (Y/n) dove under the protection of a half standing wall.

Beck continued to fight the wind creature, shooting lasers at it, as the ones around it took cover. (Y/n) knew shooting at it wouldn’t help so she stood her ground, staying crouched next to the broken wall, constantly keeping her gaze on the scene, instantly spotting the same young kid she was helping before, crying as he tried to limp away, barely away from the battle itself.

Seeing her options, she crouched down, gun drawn as she moved along the length of the wall, reaching the end and waiting for the opportunity to cross the empty field. Seeing that Beck had gotten the creature down, she made a run for it.

She was so focused on the child in trouble that she didn’t see the large rock that came flying her way, hitting her on the side of her abdomen, knocking her down. She groaned in pain, feeling blood seep out as her shirt began to turn red. Grunting, she got back up, making it to the small pile of rubble the child was hiding behind. “Shhh, it’s ok’ She spoke, hugging the kid as he cried in her arm, no one else was dying on her watch, certainly not this young kid. Wrapping one arm around his torso and one around his head, she kept him close to her body, making sure to shield him from any rubble that flew at them.

Beck defeated the creature, well, of course he did, but he couldn’t keep his gaze off of the (h/c) haired girl, her shirt was obviously covered in blood in the abdominal region, a small cut decorating her left cheekbone as she limped over to walk the kid back, out of the rubble.

She really was something, this was going to be fun

________

It was in the late hours of the night that the Director announced for them to disperse, knowing that the next predicted attack wasn’t until a week later. Excusing herself, (Y/n) made her way to the bathroom, grabbing the first aid out of the cabinet, she sat down on the edge of the small tub, groaning in pain she lifted the hem of her shirt, exposing her wound.

It was now covered in dried blood, she hadn’t gotten the chance to clean it up all day, Fury had assigned her on the clean-up of the village and when she got back to base, it was nothing but more discussion with Beck.

“Ah fuck.” She groaned, feeling the alcohol burn the wound, it was pretty deep because as soon as she cleaned the dried blood off, it started bleeding again. She had been so focused on the wound that she had forgotten to lock the door and the minute she pulled her shirt off, the door opened wide.

Quentin’s eyes widened as he saw her, sitting on the tub, a massive gash on her stomach, her shirt off, just in her sports bra. “Oh I’- uh, I must have forgotten to lock the door.” She mumbled, grabbing the towel on the counter and pulling it over her stomach.

“It’s ok, I-I should have knocked” He replied, his eyes scanning her, toned arms, glowing (s/c) skin, her hair no longer tied up but rather a mess on her shoulders, dried blood on her face and all over her abdomen.

“Do you need help with that?” He asked, pointing towards her stomach, there was no way she’d be able to bandage herself easily. He was no longer dressed in his hero outfit, but rather in sweatpants and a black tee. “I wouldn’t want to bother” She replied, not wanting to bother him as her gaze fell to the floor. “Ah it’s alright, here, don’t think you can do it yourself” He gave her a soft smile, and she handed him the disinfectant.

He crouched down in front of her, his blue eyes fixed on her stomach as he moved the towel away and began to apply the disinfectant. “It’s a deep cut” He remarked, continuously wiping the dried blood that was all over her abdomen and the sides of her stomach. Her face began to warm up under his gaze, it wasn’t everyday someone saw her half naked.

“I wasn’t going to let the kid get hurt, I’ll live” She chuckled, as he looked up to her, giving her a good view of his blue eyes. Brown hair, light skin, a scruffy beard, plump lips and most of all, eyes bluer than the ocean, actually no, they were lighter than the ocean, more like when the sun shone on the ocean and it twinkled a light blue, yeah, like that colour.

“I admire that, wait, I never actually got your name before.” He awkwardly chuckled, putting the bottle of disinfectant away as he threw the used cotton in the bin. “(Y/n), (Y/n) Romanoff.” She replied as he placed the ointment on her wound.

Romanoff? As in Natasha Romanoff? Holy shit, she was the Widow’s sister?

Shaking off his surprise, he continued to apply the ointment, causing her to hiss from pain. “That’s a beautiful name (Y/n).” He replied, beginning to bandage the wound. “Here, raise your arm up a little more.” He instructed her and she nodded, lifting her arm around so he could wrap the bandage around her waist, his face coming in close contact with her chest, causing his ears to turn red, hey, just because he was evil doesn’t mean he wasn’t human. Finishing up the bandaging, he looked up at her face, seeing the cut on her cheekbone.

“Here, there’s another cut.” He smiled at her, holding up more cotton and disinfectant and moving towards her cheek. She hissed again in pain as he placed the disinfectant on her cheek.

“Shhhh, its ok, almost over” he spoke softly, blowing air onto the cut to soften the stinging as she flinched. He finished up and placed a small band-aid on her cheek.

“Thank you for the help Beck.” She smiled, giving his shoulder a soft pat. He gave her a smile in return, leaning forward, placing a hand on her other cheek as he placed a kiss on her forehead, “Take care (Y/n)’ He mumbled against her skin, before getting up and leaving the wide (e/c) eyed girl alone in the bathroom, with a tinge of red coating her warm cheeks.

_____

“Hey kiddo, how’d it go with Fury?” (Y/n) asked, she had been given the job to escort Peter back to his hotel along with Demetri.

“I said no Ms (Y/N)-” He began but she cut him off. “How many times have I told you not to call me that, geez you make me sound old Peter, it’s just (Y/N)” She chuckled, allowing him to continue.

“I said no (Y/n), I just, I need this break, I really do, he, I-” He stuttered, not being able to find the right words to put his feelings into words.

“I get it Peter, we all need a break, but you’re so young, you have so much to do than to be dragged into this mess.” She gave him a weak smile, giving him a soft pat on the back, earning death glares from Demetri.

“Thank you for understanding.” He replied, leaning into her shoulder as she put her arm around his shoulder. “How’s the trip been going?” She asked him, rubbing his shoulder. She could still visualise Peter from the funeral, bloodshot eyes, messy hair, a loose tie, he had been crying that entire morning, she found him in the backyard, all alone. She had offered to fix his tie, to which the young boy agreed to with a weak smile. At that point, she had only known Peter for a little while, she had initially met him during the Sokovia accords situation.

She had sided with Tony on that situation, but she was fiercely against him bringing in a 14-year-old kid to make his point. He was just a kid, and he had literally picked him out of his life and put him into a situation that even the grown-ups around him couldn’t comprehend. And of course, then came Thanos, the mad Titan. One minute she was in Wakanda, fighting along with her sister, and the next, she came back to a world where she no longer existed.

‘It’s good Ms- (Y/n), there’s this girl I really like, and I, I’m th-thinking of con-confessing’ He mumbled, playing with his hands.

‘Peter that’s amazing!’ (Y/n) gushed, ruffling his hair as his face heated up, the younger boy’s face broke out into a massive grin, his pure smile melting her heart.

She couldn’t remember the last time she felt so happy, but alas their boat ride came to an end and she big farewell to Peter with a hug as he entered the shabby hotel his schoolmates were staying at.

Nat would be proud of her, she always had a way of making (Y/n) smile, and if she could make an innocent boy like Peter smile, she was content with herself.

AN: Slow start but I promise it’ll get so much better! I have some (hopefully) great things planned! Got any other requests? Shoot them through!

#spiderman imagine #spiderman x reader #mysterio x reader #mysterio #spiderman ffh #spiderman far from home #mysterio imagine #quentin beck #quentin beck x reader #quentin beck fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #marvel #spider-man far from home #quentin beck imagine

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againstallelse · 5 years ago

Text

The Confessionals of John H. Watson: First Draft

Hello all. Now that the month from hell is being pushed behind me (Don’t ask), I’m back to writing and I bring you The Confessionals of John H. Watson. Written by John after The Reichenbach Fall, it focuses on the question that everyone has asked in one way or another. What is John Watson’s relationship to Sherlock Holmes?

This is a first draft that I do plan on continuing. I’d love any feedback anyone has. A beta reader (or a collection of them) would be very appreciated.

Why I’ve chosen to write this now I’m not entirely sure. It feels far too little, far too late. Just like everything else seems to always be.

This will never even see the light of day. Maybe someday, long after I’m dead, someone will research into the great Sherlock Holmes’ legacy and find it. But my expectations are low. Even though it’s what everyone always wanted to read. The blog post everyone was practically begging for.

I have received one question above all others over the course of the past few years of my life. It’s one I’ve avoided addressing because in all honesty, I still do not have a simple answer.

“What is your relationship to Sherlock Holmes?”

And in a sum of words, I genuinely don’t know.

I have never had a real answer to this question. I got it from the very first day I met Sherlock, seemingly from everywhere. At that point, there was no suitable answer. A stranger? A new friend? An interest? I didn’t know. And I was too afraid to ask him what I was to him.

To me, he was like a light in the darkness. Everything had felt so dull, so painful, so dark. I was entirely alone in the world. I trudged forward every day because I wasn’t sure what else I could do. But then he came. He was enematic. Charismatic. Bright.

He lit up my entire life all at once, thrusting me into a whole new world where I finally felt like I belonged.

He was strange and finicky. A total prat. Early on, I couldn’t tell if he cared if I lived or died. I couldn’t tell if I cared if I lived or died. As long as I didn’t have to return to the darkness, I didn’t care. I felt so empty for so long. I did everything I could to keep things steady between us. Stable.

I couldn’t jeopardize losing the only good thing in my life.

I had known I had an interest in Sherlock from day one. I would have rather ended it all then admit it to a soul. But I knew it was quite obvious to anyone who bothered to throw us a second glance.

However, I didn’t realize how bad I had it for Sherlock until we had been living together for a while. I knew he was gorgeous. I knew that my heart beat faster when he was close enough to touch.

One morning I came downstairs to find him shirtless in our kitchen and found he had made tea for us both, I was overcome with something unfamiliar. I sat beside him as he read and drank his tea, ignoring me for more interesting things.

I stared at him. I studied the curves of his face. His bare chest. His lips as they curled around the edge of his mug. The most dangerous realization settled in my heart.

I wanted to be here, with him, forever. I wanted to be with Sherlock for the rest of my life. I couldn’t imagine spending my mornings with anyone else. I wanted to wake up beside him in the morning and have him be the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes.

I choked a bit and laughed it off, trying to seem casual. His eyes peered up from his book to look at me and I shook my head. He crooked his brows and before going back to his reading.

I got more serious with Sarah, my girlfriend, after that incident. I wasn’t sure what Sherlock’s sexual preference was, but I was fairly certain that it didn’t include me. Or possibly any human being. Which didn’t phase me that much.

Did I want to be sexually involved with Sherlock Holmes? Admittedly, yes. I did. He was on my mind far more often then he should have been, in scenarios he shouldn’t have been involved in. Especially when I was shagging my girlfriend.

But I didn’t mind it if Sherlock never had an interest in me. As long as I got to stay by his side for the rest of my life. That was always the priority. Anything that might scare him away had to be kept at a minimum. So I was careful about staring at him. I avoided touching him in any way at all. I knew he’d see through me and connect the dots if I indulged myself too much, so I was careful.

I still think he might have known.

Sarah figured it out. We went on a trip together, alone, since she kept asking. The whole time I was checking my phone, calling and checking in on Sherlock, talking about him nonstop. One night on our trip she found me up late, scrolling through Sherlock’s boring blog.

She asked, “Do you really love me?”

I put my computer down. She caught me off guard. “Why are you asking that?”

“Because… you don’t look at me the same way you look at Sherlock. I’m not blind John. You could be enjoying your holiday in bed with me. But you’re not. You’re thinking about him.”

Her words burned into my brain. She was right. My god, she was right. She was so kind, letting me keep my privacy. We parted amicably when the trip was over and she wished me the best of luck with Sherlock. She never told a soul, even though the papers would have paid her enough to retire a year down the line if she had.

Why couldn’t I have just loved her?

My life continued with Sherlock. Our cases were interesting, he was vibrant. He had his days, but overall we were very happy those months. That summer was likely the happiest of my life, traveling around with Sherlock, chasing after criminals in the warm summer evenings.

Sometimes I wonder if he had any concept of how romantic that summer was. Sometimes I wonder if it was the best summer of his life too.

Then she came.

The woman.

Everything changed when she came into our lives. She excited Sherlock. In ways I didn’t. Mentally. And seemingly physically, I think. It was such a shock to see Sherlock attracted to anyone in any way. Especially a woman.

It frustrated me. It hurt. After everything we went through, it seemed momentarily like she would come between us and break us apart. It was a whirlwind, one day it was he and I against the world. The next he was composing music for her.

I ran through three girlfriends in three months, trying to distract myself. Trying to distance myself from Sherlock, steal my heart so when I lost him to a dangerous dominatrix it wouldn’t hurt so badly. It didn’t work even remotely. All three of them saw right through me in record time.

When Irene pretended to die, some part of my selfish self was relieved. Maybe things could return to normal. But Sherlock’s reaction… he was totally devastated. It was heartbreaking to watch. He was quiet, reclusive even. His mourning wasn’t loud and external like most people. It probably would have been invisible to most people.

But I wasn’t most people. I was his blogger, his roommate, his best friend. His family. And I saw the way his shoulders hunched and how sad his eyes were in the reflection of the window glass.

When she returned, expecting my help, I had wanted to throw her out the window. She hurt the man who my world revolved around and wanted my help? But then she saw right through me. No matter how I denied that I wasn’t gay, she saw me.

She could see me. She could see my real feelings, probably better than anyone else ever did. I felt raw. Naked. Exposed.

Even once she was really dead, Sherlock and I never truly went back to normal. He looked at me differently. I never identified the look in his eyes our final year together. Sadness? Fear? Pity? He hid his emotions well, very well. But I could still see that hint of something there that felt cold. And it broke me.

I felt like he knew. Maybe she had told him my true feelings. Maybe he pitied me? Maybe he couldn’t see me the same, knowing I had feelings for him? Maybe he was afraid that I couldn’t truly be his friend without my feelings getting in the way?

I’ve driven myself insane with the maybes. I’ve gone over it again and again. It still keeps me up at night. What did those looks mean? I will never know, now.

When everything happened with Moriarty, it shook me to my core. Not the cases, not the insanity of the man who was chasing Sherlock, but how hard Sherlock pushed me to believe he was a liar in the end. I could not, would not ever believe that. I still do not believe that.

Sherlock was magnificent. He was brilliant. And beautiful. He came into my life and hijacked it entirely and it was the best thing to ever happen to me. None of my past experiences nor my future ones will ever compare to the part of my life I shared with him.

I could never have written this down with him still alive. If I had ever acknowledged this much, even to myself in private, he would have known and it would have broken us. But now he’s gone. And I’m left with this.

If I ever had a soulmate on this earth, it was him. I knew on some level from the night we met. More than how alluring he was both mentally and physically, something drew me to him. Something I doubt I will ever feel with another human being. With him, I felt complete in a way I never had before.

And never will again.

God, I can’t continue writing this. What’s my relationship to Sherlock Holmes? I don’t know what I was to him. But he was my soulmate. And now he’s dead.

#johnlock #john watson #sherlock holmes #sherlock #bbc sherlock #unrequited love #angst #major character death #kinda #we all know how this ends #first person #first person pov #John Watson POV #fanfic #so if this gets picked up at all I will probably write a season 3 fix it in which Sherlock sees this #so uh?#yes if you'd like to see that please let me know

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professorspork · 6 years ago

Note

Can you talk a little more about why you found Endgame devastating in a bad way and not a good way?

I sure can! I can talk a lot more, in fact! I’m going to put this under a cut because Ihave a feeling it’s going to get Quite Long (ETA: it is, this is 6k words I amso sorry) so if anyone just wants the tl;dr version, I recommend GaviaBaker-Whitelaw’s excellent article ‘How the straight agenda ruined Avengers:Endgame.’

If you want my own personal take, well. Enter at your ownrisk, here be monsters, etc:

First of all, the very short answer to your question: Itagged this photo as emblematic of all the ways Endgame was “devastating in thebad way and not in the good way” because, if I’m being really honest, Steve and Natbeing queerplatonic life partners (who maybe occasionally fuck but mostly don’t)was my absolute favorite thing about the MCU. (Yes, despite all the words thatfollow hereon about Bucky, I stand by Steve&Nat being my Absolute Favorite,because it was entirely about what was onscreen and nothing about the fanon thatfollowed.) And now it’s Gone and not only is it Gone it was Taken From Me, andI’m salty.

The much longer answer:

What’s maddening is that I honestly loved the vast, vastmajority of Endgame. I adored, like, 92% of it!! It’s just that the remaining8% is the part that’s a) most relevant to character arcs and b) permanent,which leaves me at a bit of an impasse. It’s hard to remember my delight overthe way Natasha laid down haphazardly over old take-out containers whilebrainstorming at her peak adorableness when she’s, y’know, dead. (Which isn’teven my biggest issue!)

I’m going to break it out by character, from most toleast irksome to me so we get the heaviest stuff out of the way and then by theend I’m just shouting on my lawn going “AND ANOTHER THING.” I’m also not goingto go into The Thor Thing, because I think everyone worth talking to is inagreement about that being fatphobic and offensive.

Okay, here we go:

STEVE

I fucking hate that Steve went back in time to marryPeggy. AND I LOVE PEGGY AND I LOVE STEVE/PEGGY SO I’M SO MAD THIS IS WHERE I’VEBEEN LEFT. I have tried to make my peace with it, I have failed, and I amhonestly not used to being this mad at a fictional character. I know it’suseless to hold it against him—something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately isthat argument some fans make about like “why are you slutshaming X characterfor wearing skimpy armor, she just feels most empowered riding into battle withnothing but a strip of leather over her tits” when like, the characterdid not make this choice, the writers made it be that way—but unlike, say,the characterization of Steve in Age of Ultron, which I can happily disregard becauseJoss hates Steve, Markus, McFeely, Russo & Russo have been the architectsof everything I love about Steve. It’s straight from the source! And soI… I’m taking it personally, though I know I shouldn’t. I feel like Steve turnedhis back on me and left me behind.

Well. Me and Bucky Barnes.

It’s probably no secret if you follow this blog that I’ma big Stucky girl. I have admitted it’s one of my top three ships of all time;my steve and bucky tag is 21 damn pages long. But I promise, I PROMISE, thisisn’t even about that. Regardless of whether or not you think these two are orever were in romantic love with each other, their best friendship is one of themost important and indelible parts of the MCU.

Steve’s emotional arc over the last several movies hasrevolved around his intense obsession with all things Bucky. He bailedon his concert tour, defied orders and became Cap-in-combat to save Bucky in1944. He tore down SHIELD, HYDRA and the whole world for Bucky when he foundout he was alive. He became a war criminal on the slightest chance he couldprove Bucky’s innocence! And then, when they were finally reunited, finally foronce on the same page at the same time, Bucky was taken in the Snap. And so,like. It seems a bit WEIRD to me that Steve’s heartbreak over the Snap isframed as a Peggy thing (see: him looking at the Peggy compass before their first act attack on Thanos; his talking exclusively about Peggyin the Snap support group he runs WITH GAY MEN) when Peggy died a natural deathafter a long life in Civil War and not, y’know, Bucky, his oldest, mostintimate relationship-haver, or even Sam, his best friend. It seems a bit ODDto me that we see dozens of cute, short reunions and meetings in the finalbattle with 2014 Thanos—known Extremely Important Relationships Tony/Dr. Strangeand Peter/Carol are given significant on screen exchanges—but we don’t seeSteve and Bucky reunite with one another. It feels a bit CONSPICUOUS to me thatSteve does not tell Bucky what he plans to do when he goes to take the stonesback, full on SUSPICIOUS to me that the two don’t say boo shit to each other—can’teven stand in the same group together when Steve comes back from histime vacation—and outright UNBELIEVABLE to me that Steve Rogers would choose tolive seventy years of his life without Bucky Barnes.

I just don’t buy it.

I don’t buy that after four movies of you telling me itisn’t the case, Steve Rogers’ happy ending doesn’t include Bucky. (Andwe’ll touch on the whole idea of what it means to have a “happy ending” in abit.)

It feels like a deliberate side-step. It feels like thecreative team tried and failed to come up with anything approaching a normal,just-two-bros reunion scene for them and with the weight of their past intimacyeverything they wrote came off as a marriage proposal so they scrapped itentirely. It’s insulting. Not on a “my ship didn’t go canon�� level—I never in amillion years expected Steve and Bucky to ‘get together’ in any concrete sense,I wouldn’t even have known what to do with it if I got it, I never wanted that.All I wanted was for the text to honor the affection, the bond between thesetwo just as much as it did in any of the other movies. One of the best featuresof the MCU is its consistency when it comes to character detail andrelationship nuance. So how on earth (I know how, we all know how) did theydrop the ball on what is literally their flagship friendship?

But it’s not just that Steve goes back in time withoutBucky, or without saying a word to him about it. It’s that Steve goes back intime and then, apparently, does absolutely nothing for seventy years, includingsaving Bucky.

The time travel rules in Endgame are… unique. They areunprecedented. And it’s easy to tell that’s true, because not once have thedifferent members of the creative team been able to give a consistent answer onwhy or how it works in interviews after the fact. So like. I accept that mytake on this may not be the “canon” take, and until we get a post-Endgame moviethat addresses these things there IS no canon take. Regardless of what their “thisisn’t Back to the Future” rules means about whether or not changing the pastmeans changing the future, in the future all of these characters lived Buckywas on ice/doing murders until the events of Winter Soldier, also in which theworld learned SHIELD was HYDRA. The Russos think Steve created his own branchreality when he went back in time, and the question is then how he got back toour world to hand off the shield; Markus and McFeely don’t think that’s true;they think Steve lived concurrently to his own regular timeline and was always Peggy’s husband. YOU WOULD THINK THEY’D HAVE REACHED AGREEMENT ON THIS EITHER WAY BEFORE THIS POINT, BUT I DIGRESS. This meansthat either a) M&M are right and Steve went back in time and neither toldhis new wife Peggy “hey honey, you know that startup you’ve got going withHoward, maybe don’t invite Arnim Zola unless you want your entire legacy to beNazis,” nor did he save Bucky when he knew he was somewhere in Eastern Europebeing fucking tortured and brainwashed. He didn’t stop Howard and Maria fromgetting in the car. There’s a lot of joke tweets about how Captain America just“let 9/11 happen” and like—it’s a joke but it’s also NOT A JOKE--- orrrrrr b) theRussos are right and maybe Steve did all of those things in a branch reality,which they felt no need to mention when they were wrapping up the emotionalstoryline for their marquee character, which is lazy at best and kind ofunforgivable at worst. Even in the Best Version of Events, where not only arethe Russos are right and Steve went back in a splinter timeline, but in thatsplinter timeline Steve co-founded a Nazi-less SHIELD with Peggy and theyfought crime Hart to Hart style, saved Bucky, stopped the Vietnam War fromhappening and cured AIDS, it still means Peggy no longer did everything she didon her own, fighting and clawing for it like a honey badger. And should shehave had to? No, of course not. But is it her defining trait and greatestaccomplishment that she did? YES! This matters to me! Erasing it without givingher a say matters to me!

And the fact that all of this is in doubt is BONKERS. Iwould feel less weird about if they didn’t leave all of it unsaid! If they’dincluded a scene with Bucky before Steve went back where Bucky just went “Steve,listen. I know what you’re thinking, and you can’t save me, okay? It wouldbreak the time continuum or something. Now go be a reckless idiot like I knowyou’re gonna and say hi to Carter for me” it would at least feel like theycared the slightest bit. Hell, if they gave Peggy ANY LINES AT ALL it wouldfeel a heck of a lot more like the reuniting of two characters I love and lesslike a mortifying hetcon where Steve erases all of Peggy’s professionalaccomplishments and canon husband and other family just to have hisfairytale happy ending with a voiceless woman-shaped smilebot.

Do you have any idea how much I would have cried if we’dgotten a scene were Steve showed up at the Stork Club in time for his dance?Peggy doesn’t even need to have A LOT of lines (though she should!) A tearysmirk and a “you’re late” reprise would have gone so far! (Especially if they’dhad a final, heart-wrenching goodbye for closure and then he’d returned to thefuture, giving us the best of both worlds, but what do I know.) But no, EdwinJarvis gets a line in this movie and Peggy doesn’t. She has no say in the endof her story—it’s a decision that’s made at her. She’s a bit player inher own life. Steve isn’t reunited with Peggy, he gets a dance with the idea ofPeggy. But like. The real Peggy is brash and terrible at emotional honesty! Shewould be a nightmare to be married to! So is Steve! That’s why I love them,they’re awful! And it just feels like all of that was erased in a moment infavor of a vision of unsustainable hetero bliss.

(Honestly, the way I make peace with this is by thinkingthat after maybe six months with Peggy they were both like “oh godwhat were we thinking, this is never going to work” and broke up, and thereason Steve didn’t tell Sam his wife’s name is that it wasn’t Peggy andhe’s too embarrassed to say so.)

And like. I’m trying not to feel like an awfulbitch/bitter old crone about it, because the thing I keep circling back to inconversation with others is them saying “can’t you at least be happy for himthat he’s at peace? Don’t you think he deserves to rest? After everything he’s done,shouldn’t Steve get a chance to be happy?”

Listen. Do I think Steve deserves a chance athappiness? Yes. Do I think Steve Rogers actually has the capacity forsustainable, long term happiness? … Honestly, no. That’s one of the reasons Ilove him.

Steve is miserable. His life is hard, he’s got PTSD, hehas trouble adjusting even in the best of circumstances. But he’s a fighter.And the reason I admire(d) him so much is that no matter what life threw athim, he was relentless in his forward momentum. He had to go on, he had to keepstanding up for others. He didn’t know how not to. Does this mean he needs ashit ton of therapy? Yes, it does—and the therapy is better in the future, Imight add! But like. As much as the creative team keeps going on about howtheir overall arcs were “Tony needed to learn to be more selfless, like Steve,and Steve needed to learn to be more selfish, like Tony” I think there’s adifference between learning to grasp happiness with both hands in the unlikely,miraculous event it comes your way, because it’s brief and shining and worthcelebrating, even though it comes with heartbreak, and just… noping out of yourlife and ignoring your problems for seven decades while everyone else worriesabout it. I’ve never seen Steve sit still and keep himself out of trouble forseven minutes—now I’m supposed to believe he managed it for seventy years? Hewas Peggy’s weird secret attic husband no one knew about? I respected him,loved him, and identified with him—I felt represented by him—because not onlydid he have to fight for every scrap of happiness he’s ever had, he felt likethere was honor in that fight. That’s why Mjolnir declared him Worthy!! And forhim to then lay down his responsibility and NOT FIGHT for 70 years momentsafter being given that distinction… it stings.

I appreciate my happy endings when they’re hard-won. Thatoften means they’re bittersweet. And if Steve’s ending were framed that way—yes,he got back his Era and he got the girl, but he lost his best friend, his foundfamily, and any determinedly-etched-out balance—I might be more okay with it.But it’s presented as the uncomplicated ride off into the sunset he deserved,and… I don’t want my stories uncomplicated. Steve Rogers is not anuncomplicated man. I know a lot of this is YMMV and I’m maybe a bit more darkin my tastes than others, here—hell, I think it’s cheap that the Elrics got alltheir flesh back AND Mustang got back his sight in FMA:B, that feels like toohappy an ending for me—but telling me that what Steve’s really wanted allthis time was to have a house in the ‘burbs and chill doesn’t resonate. Steve’swhole thing since Day 1 was “how can I sit idly by while other men risk theirlives? I can’t stand that.”

It feels like a How I Met Your Mother ending. If Stevehad had the option to go back at the end of Avengers 1, I’d have bought itcompletely that he’d take it (both for character arc reasons and for “he didn’tknow Bucky was alive then” reasons). But he’s not that guy anymore. Yet itseems like they decided a long, long time ago that Steve was going to go backin time and get a do-over, and years of development, growth, moving on andbonding with other people be damned. Who cares if Steve got Bucky back, whocares if Steve got Sam back, who cares that he’d lived 13 years, his entireadult life, in the future? Nat’s dead, might as well go back to the other damewho liked him!

And. And here’s the thing. If everything else were equalbut Bucky and Peggy’s roles were reversed—if Peggy fell from the train, and itwas Bucky who founded SHIELD with Howard; if Steve met Bucky again as adementia-ridden old man and Peggy were the Winter Soldier, if it were PeggySteve spent all these movies desperately trying to save and nurture—I feel likeeveryone else would find it REALLY WEIRD if Steve went back in time to do itall over again with Bucky! That’s not a question of romance, or gender. Not forme, who loves all of these characters equally. It’s a question of the emotionalarchitecture the story is built upon.

Historically, every decision Steve’s ever made in theentire time we’ve known him has been about Bucky. And for this ending to work,it requires us to either ignore that, or think this single-minded focus wasnever about Bucky at all—that it was instead a sublimated love where Buckybecame a signifier for Peggy or the past Steve lost, instead of a person in hisown right, the person Steve’s always chosen and who’s always chosen him, sincethey were kids. Til the end of the line. Asking me to believe that is a)horrible, and cruel, and frankly homophobic and b) simply untenable—I don’t thinkthat the plots of First Avenger, Winter Soldier or Civil War stand up to thatreading.

And even in the kindest reading of all of this—that Stevedeserves to return to the time he was stolen from, because it’s his TrueTime and Peggy’s his True Love—then my god, doesn’t Bucky deserve that, too?Steve was an orphan with, after Bucky’s “death,” ONLY Peggy and I guess theHowlies to tie him to the world. Bucky has a family! He’s got sisters! Theythink he’s dead! If Steve deserves this, doesn’t Bucky, after everything he’sbeen through, deserve it too? If it applies to one of them, it applies to bothof them, doesn’t it? No matter which way you slice it? (For the record, if Stevehad taken Bucky back to the past with him I'd still be scratching my head aboutthe timeline bearing out—and I think it would make the Sam!Cap offer even morekind of paltry and afterthoughtish than it already is, Sam deserves FIREWORKSand A CROWD damn it, and it also deserves to be a decision not made AT him, seeabove—but at least I could be like “yeah, that's exactly the kind ofhilariously not-thought-out decision Steve would make, have fun kiddo.”)

But I guess Steve inviting Bucky on his Happy Ending Tourof the past would be too much like a fucking proposal so, uh, no, we don’t getthat.

NATASHA

Here is a top ten list, in no particular order, called “I’dbe fine with it, but.”

1. I’d be fine with it—Natasha is a hero, and she deservesa hero’s ending, she merits going out in a big swing to save the world—but she’sstill the Smurfette, man. It means something different to kill your only original female leadthis way than it does to kill a male character. It especially means that whenyou kill her in the exact same way you killed Gamora—THE OTHER SMURFETTE—onemovie previous. It feels cheap, and it feels callous. M&M&R&R havetalked a lot about the woman/women in the office who read a draft where Clintdied instead and said “DON’T YOU TAKE THIS AWAY FROM HER” but a) tbh I feellike maybe they were reading a different draft than was ultimately shot, thismovie evolved a lot over the years and b) when you’re the Token Girl, your storyis more than just yours. In a franchise of this scale, it’s just… it’s notequal yet. If the circumstances had been utterly different, if Nat haddied wielding the Infinity Gauntlet, at least it would be novel. And like—I amnot the kind of person who thinks standing against Bury Your Gays means no gayscan ever die or else, for example; sometimes a Good Death is warranted if it’swell-written enough—but again: it’s the “she feels empowered in that skimpysuit” thing. You didn’t HAVE to create a murder cliff that only exists forfemale characters to die for the men who love them. You made that choice. It’speak “why do we even have that lever?!”

2. I’d be fine with it—Natasha loves Clint, of course shewouldn’t let him die for her, not when he’s fighting to get back his family—butit would have made more sense for Clint to die as penance for all of the ninjamurders he did after losing his kids than for Nat to die because she can’t haveany. It feels like it privileges bio family over found family in a way that’skind of dismissive and gross, and it calls back to the mortifying line in Ageof Ultron were Nat referred to herself as a monster over her infertility. And theargument that Clint couldn’t die, there’s a Hawkeye Disney+ series falls flatwhen Nat has a MOVIE coming out and Vision also has a Disney+ series and yetis, as of this moment, still dead.

3. I’d be fine with it—Natasha loves Clint, of coursethey’d bicker over who would jump—but when the “dramatic” scene that precedes amajor character’s death resembles nothing so much as this comic, you’re doingit wrong. I shouldn’t be giggling over their antics right before someone fallsto their death.

4. I’d be fine with it—Nat did it for her family, whomshe loves—but her family didn’t even honor her back, and that’s bullshit. Tonygets a massive funeral and Nat gets nothing? I admit that what I trulywant for her—a long sequence of RENT-style “what Angel meant to me”testimonials—would have been a bit weird to include pacing-wise, even if I dothink if I asked Chris Evans and Jeremy Renner nicely over twitter they’dprobably improvise one for me anyway. But it didn’t have to be that. A singleshot in a montage would be enough. A shot of Clint, Laura, Fury, Steve, Sam, Okoye and Pepper doing a shot of vodka together and pouring one out for Nat would havebeen enough. Simple, elegant, gets the point across. It’s not hard!!!

5. I’d be fine with it—they needed to get the Soul Stone,for skimpy outfit reasons someone had to die, I get it—but then Steve has toput all the stones back to reverse the heist and stop the branch timelines fromcollapsing like The Ancient One warned about. How the fuck do you return theSoul Stone? And Steve could, wouldn’t that cosmically mean we get Nat back? Asoul for a soul, isn’t that the deal?

6. I’d be fine with it—I understand that playing the longgame and forcing yourself to fall in love with Red Skull so you cansacrifice him, though hilarious, is not actually a solution—but it just seemslike there are other ways to write around this moment. Nat and Clint have bothlost so much, sacrificed so much. That doesn’t count? This isn’t like Thanos,who’s never sacrificed a thing in his life. Nat’s given up so much for thecause; Clint lost his family. The Soul Stone couldn’t just sense that?Or—what if they’d jumped together? Full Rose and Jack, “you jump, I jump,right?” Refusing to be separated. What would the Soul Stone math be then? Ifeel like it would have been a cooler story to find out.

7. I’d be fine with it—ScarJo needed a way out of hercontract, after the Black Widow movie (which: how they’re going to make thatwork is a whole other rant I do not have time for here)—but killing Natasha inthe one irreversible way in a damn comic book franchise just feels soneedlessly final. If you’d said “after everything, after holding the Avengerstogether for five years with nothing but the force of her will and some peanutbutter and jelly sandwiches, she’s tired and disillusioned with it and wants toroam the world for a while without the team, maybe fight some normal crime fora bit” and had her phased out quietly I would have understood! It would havebeen fine! Preferable, even!

8. I’d be fine with it—I don’t think it’s total bullshit whenM&M&R&R say that this was the end of her arc, she’d found herfamily and become a true hero—but the implication that death is the only way toend an arc is lazy and, in this case, hurtful. It comes off as “we couldn’tthink of anything else to do with her, so we killed her.” You can’t do betterthan that? Tony and Steve were gone. Natasha ran the Avengers, andpulled Nick Fury duty on top of it, for five years and death is the onlyend of her arc? Again, I know ScarJo’s contract is up, but that answer is justoffensive. In a perfect world, given the circumstances you’ve described the endof Nat’s arc would be continuing to lead the fucking Avengers.

9. I’d be fine with it—maybe all those office ladies wereright, maybe it would have felt pandering and sexist and deflating if Clint hadstolen Nat’s moment and died for her—but it’s kind of conspicuous that thereare only two female leads in this movie, Natasha and Nebula, and when both trulyexhibit their agency in their climactic moments, they choose to die. And Nebulakilling her past self to save Gamora is one of my favorite moments of the film!But god, there’s more to female agency than suicide, right?

10. I’d be fine with it—the way Steve cries when he findsout is gratifying and in-character—but Tony’s question of “Did she have anyfamily?” is fucking horrifying. You know she doesn’t, Tony, Jesus Christ.It was a sloppy, lazy setup just so Steve could say “Yeah. Us.” Which wasfucking unnecessary because we know that, that’s why she died for you. (Thecomedy reading, which is that Tony was implying she, like Clint, had a secretFarm Family is hilarious but, y’know. Not the right time.)

And speaking of the sir himself…

TONY

This one is a big case of “it’s not what you say, it’show you say it.” I didn’t expect Tony to get out of Endgame alive. (In fact, Ihad braced myself for a total party kill for the original six, which, if it hadbeen a TPK, I would have felt way better about it tbh. If they’d gone down one byone Rogue One style, at least the playing field would be even; that wouldremove a lot of the sting.) Tony’s the bedrock, he’s where we started, and ofcourse this would be the end of his road. He was going to go out big, he wasgoing to save the world. I knew that was the deal.

But they also gave him a little girl.

To my eyes, you can give Tony the ending he deserves—the endingwhere he and Pepper get to settle down, where he gets to be the father he neverhad, the one where he’s finally stable, finally at peace—or you can giveTony the Ending He Deserves—the one where he, the flagship, the starting pistolof the MCU, gets to vanquish Thanos saying “I am Iron Man.” Epic.

You… you lose me when you do both.

Here’s where I get my hackles up:

Were there any other outcomes you considered for Tony?

MARKUS No. Because we had the opportunity to give him theperfect retirement life, within the movie.

McFEELY He got that already.

MARKUS That’s the life he’s been striving for. Are he andPepper going to get together? Yes. They got married, they had a kid, it wasgreat. It’s a good death. It doesn’t feel like a tragedy. It feels like aheroic, finished life.

It is a fucking tragedy! Pepper is left alone with a fiveyear old girl! Pepper does not get a perfect, finished life. It’s a gross,reductive, alienating view of fatherhood, which is all the more starkly (punintended) contrasted when you compare him to Scott, a good dad whoactually gives a shit that he missed out on three years of Cassie’s lifein prison and then ANOTHER FIVE in the Quantum Realm. Honestly, this is whathappens when you don’t let women write these movies—the characterization formen suffers, too, not just women. Because it wasn’t even a factor to them.Like. They literally cut a scene from the movie where a vision of Morgan fromthe future absolved him of guilt for leaving his family behind. That’s… reallyawful, fellas. Surely you can see how awful that is?

I want to feel good about Tony’s death. I want to feelinspired. Part of me does. But god, that little girl. God, Pepper.

But then, it’s pretty much par for the course. Because it’sworth it to talk about

WOMEN

This isn’t about how the one “Girl Power” shot wasshallow fanservice instead of substantive representation, how it makes no sensein the plot of the moment, or how it’s a totally empty gesture unless they planon giving us an A-Force movie (though all of those things are true).

It’s about how this movie has a gender problem in whichthe vast, vast majority of female characters got to be “badass” by bucklingunder the will of their male counterparts—and those who didn’t mostly justweren’t in it enough for that to be true.

Peggy doesn’t get any lines; she is presented not as thestrong, capable individual we know her to be but as a storybook reward forSteve’s good behavior after all these years. She is a prop, not a person.

Pepper is, for the thousandth time, defined as strong andcapable because she’s able to withstand all of the crap Tony puts on her. Ilove Tony/Pepper, I think they’re the beating heart of the MCU, their screwballenergy left a positive and indelible mark on the MCU that redefined how loveinterests work (well, barring Betty Ross, I’m so sorry Betty your movie isawful and you deserved so much better). But like. Tony gives her a company whenhe doesn’t want it anymore, he gives her a suit even though he knows she’s notinterested, he talks her into having a child together and then he leaves herbehind. Pepper is like an amazing, super intense version of one of those cookswho up-cycles leftovers into new, amazing, even-better-than-the-originaldishes. But she shouldn’t have to be, and she deserves better.

The same goes for Valkyrie, who is literally handedthe crown of Asgard for no other reason than because she’s there. It’s notthat she’s not capable, it’s not that she doesn’t deserve it, and it’s not thatshe won’t do an amazing job, but again: it’s a decision made at her. Why isthis still happening? (See also: Sam!Cap, and another way that Sam is stillgetting the Love Interest treatment after all of these years).

Carol was underused, and utilized entirely as a Deus ExMachina instead of as a person with feelings every time she did show up. Whileshe has the raw power to back up that plot usage, aside from her little smirkand “hey, Peter Parker,” we got almost no humanity from her. It’s not like theMCU is bad at establishing loads and loads of nuance in just a few lines—the massivejuggernaut that is Clint/Coulson shipping was launched when they exchanged twosentences to each other!—so it doesn’t feel like a lot to ask that Carol bein the scenes she’s in. You know?

For the most part, I really love how they handled Gamoraand Nebula, but the fact that 2014 them were Super Team Thanos flies directlyin the face of where both of them were at the start of GotG—and for Gamora tochange her mind after learning that in the future, she and Nebula are trulysisters when it’s Nebula who always wanted that for them is… a littlereductive. This was Their Movie—five more minutes to really tease out thenuance here would have really gone a long way.

Plus there was that whole scene where Frigga was like “actuallyit’s fine if I die; I’m just glad you’re okay honey. I feel so empowered inthis skimpy outfit. It has to be this way!” If Nat didn’t die the way she did, this scene would read differently! But she did! So it doesn’t!

Okay. Okay. I’m sure I’ve forgotten things that botheredme, but I have to stop somewhere so it might as well be here. In fact, here’s alist of things I really liked, to remind us all that I did like this movie:

America’s ass! “I could do this all day”/“I know!” ThePB&J cut diagonal! Cooper’s baseball mitt! Tony and Nebula playing PaperFootball! Nebula and Rhodey being best friends / “he’s an idiot!” Clint and Natforehead touch! Nat lounging on the takeout containers! When Hope calls Steve ‘Cap’and Scott gives her a little Look about it! Instant Kill Mode! Bruce and TheAncient One talk metaphysics—and the fact that Bruce is what is astrallyprojected out of Hulk! The redo of the elevator scene being subverted with “HailHydra!” Tony and Howard! Rocket’s much-needed frank pep talk to Thor! Ding dongditching 1970 Hank because he deserves that and so much worse! Tony revisitinghis Age of Ultron mentality at his lowest—frankly, it made me buy it in a wayall of AoU didn’t! Nebula murdering who she used to be so she can becomesomething new (let the past die, kill it if you have to amirite?)! Theindulgent credits sequence with the original 6 and their autographs! Quill’sface when he saw 2014 Gamora! TIME HEIST AS A CONCEPT LBR. Everyone’s funeralfashion choices, some of which are patently Bonkers! Smart Hulk having to riphis shirt off and pretend to enjoy smashing to blend in in 2012! The whole tacosight gag outside the compound! I love you 3000! Scott reuniting with Cassieand saying “you’re so big” instead of “you’re so tall!” Steve being Worthy!Thor doing a self-Fastball Special by hitting Mjolnir with Stormbreaker! YIBAMBE!

I don’t think I have ever cried as hard as I didwhen Sam said “on your left” and all of the Snapped heroes came back in Strange’sportals. Desperate, sobbing, joyful, elated, transported, awe-filled GASPINGkind of crying. I could hardly breathe. I really freaked out the guy next tome, I’ll tell you that.

I’m upset because these movies are good. This movie isgood. It made me feel… I don’t think I can describe the acute, painful ecstasyof that moment as long as I live, when everyone I loved, everyone gone,returned and returned and returned. I’m tearing up just describing it to younow.

I say these things because I care. I say these thingsbecause I don’t want to stop caring, and when characters I love are written inways I cannot understand, that I cannot abide, I am removed from the equation.And I am the damn target audience for this fucking movie. What I think matters.And it matters that I say it.

If you actually made it this far, I am very impressedwith your fortitude, and I thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

#hoo boy #i do not want this in any tracked tags #not that those even work anymore #but here's some filler #and one more #okay #avengers endgame #endgame #mcu #avengers endgame spoilers #endgame spoilers #Anonymous

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littlemisssquiggles · 6 years ago

Note

as a fellow pinehead, i dont personally ship rosegarden. i have no problem with it, but i just wish there was more content that focused solely on oscar instead of his relationship with ruby. i appreciate your blog since you actually make a lot of stuff pertaining to oscar specifically, i just wish it was more common ;w;

Inthe fandom or in the series? I’m assuming it’s the series because I think there’sa good bit of Oscar-themed stuff in the Pinehead community like art andtheories =D

Asfor the series…I…well----IfI’m being completely honest Flame, even though I’m a big Rosegardener, Iwouldn’t want Oscar’s entire story revolve only around hisgrowing relationship with Ruby either. Though I enjoy every last Rosebud bonding momentthe series tosses my way, if Oscar’s character comes to only focus on his bondwith Ruby and nothing else then it would unfortunately fall into the same issueI had with Oscar’s story with Ozpin.

Whatintrigued me the most about Oscar as a character was his potential. What drew me towardsOscar wasn’t his connection to Ozpin but how the writers were going topotentially tell his story as this newestaddition to the hero cast while going through the transition of being theperson that’s meant to become Ozpin’s successor. I was intrigued to see how thewriters were going to handle Oscar’s development while juggling his conjoinedstory with Ozpin and any shared relationships the two might have with othercharacters.

However, thus far, one could make the debate that Oscar’s story and personality has mostly been forged by his ties to other maincharacters meaning that his overall presence thus far has mostly served todrive another character’s narrative while not really touching much on his own.

If it’s not Ozpin then it’s Ruby and if it’s not Ruby then it’s Jauneand there hasn’t been much attempt to fleshhim out beyond that. This justifies why C9 upset me so much. Rather than havingthe episode focus on how Oscar handled taking in Jaune’s accusations againsthim from C8 or even showing both Jaune and Oscar’s feelings in the episode as aforeshadow to them growing close as potential teammates. Instead, we only gotJaune’s perspective while Oscar’s was completely omitted from the episode, toldto have happened off screen which left some Pineheads very dissatisfied.

Oneother complaint about Oscar in V6 C9 that I’veseen is that the Writers used him as a plot device to drive development forJaune as opposed to what C8 set up which looked like Oscar’s feelings weregoing to get touched upon. As much as I’ve gotten over some of my gripes aboutC9, Oscar going from being depressed in C8 to being perfectly fine in C9without much on-screen address will always remain jarring me.

WhenI review C9,somehow I feel like there was supposed to be a short 12-13 minute standaloneOscar-centric episode between the events of C8 and C9 that would’ve explainedwhat happened with our farm boy after he went missing in Argus that got cutfrom the season. V6 was originally announced to have 14 episodes before reducingto 13. I feel like if the CRWBY had gotten the chance to do the original 14, wecould have gotten that Oscar-centric episode that tied into C9. But…that’sjust me assuming things.

Notsure how long you’ve been following my blog Flame but forthose who’ve been reading my musing posts since V5, I’ve been gunning for Ozpinto be temporarily taken out of the story solely for the possibility of theWriters finally given more depth toOscar as his own person outside of his story with Ozpin.

InV5,Oscar mostly took a backseat to Ozpin. I went into V5 thinking we would get to seemore of Oscar’s own personality as he learns to become a huntsman whileconnecting with RNJR and simultaneously training to fill the big Wizarding shoesthat he was meant to take over. Instead what we mostly got was Ozpin stealingthe screen time rug from underneath Oscar’s feet pushing him to the back as wegot more of him than Oscar.

Oneof the common critiques I heard for Oscar is that he’s been treated like a body suit forOzpin---a new face the old Wizard could wear while the Writers didnothing to develop Oscar as his own person.

Asa Pinehead,I hated hearing that complaint about Oscar because obviously there was more tohim than just a body for Ozpin to take over when he saw fit, as most Pineheads seeOscar. However, I unfortunately couldn’t blame other fans for thinking that waysince…well…the show hasn’t really done much with Oscar within two seasonsadmittedly. Not really.

Evenwhen Ozpin is out of the story, we still didn’t get to learn much else aboutOscar. With Ozpin going into isolation, I was hoping V6 would have been the season wegot more insight into Oscar as his own person. Did we? Well the verdict is stillout on that since the season isn’t complete yet. But if I had to answer thisquestion based on what the volume gave us within the last ten episodes, theanswer would be a disappointing no. Though the set up for Oscar’s growth wasdefinitely there, it didn’t exactly go anywhere...at least...not yet, maybe there’s still a chance.

I mean we still gotthree whole episodes left for our precious farm boy to shine like gold brighter thana supernova but I can’t help my slight skepticism based on this season’s run with him. Nonetheless I am curious to know what the full payoff of this season is going to be like for Oscar.

After all that’s happened this season in ties to Oscar and Ozpin, how is it all going to end?

This is why I started toying with the concept of Oscar returning from the dead as immortal after sacrificing himself to protect someone he cared about, like Ruby.

This way the Ozma legacy would continue with Oscar without the threat of him losing himself in the process. We all pretty muchanticipated Oscar eventually taking Ozpin’s place within the hero team but thisway, Oscar doesn’t have to change who he is.

He can still be his own person, cementing what Ruby told him in V6 C4.

“...I’m just going to another one of his lives, aren’t I?”“Of course not, you’re your own person.”

If immortalized, Oscar can still be himself and thus,we as an audience can still be given more opportunities to learn more aboutOscar as himself. Oscar can still fulfill his destiny as one of the Wizards ofLight but still make it his own by having his experience and final outcome be different from his predecessors.

Istill stand by my hunch that Oscar is meant to be the one to end it all. Endthe vicious cycle of reincarnation. End the curse.

It would be such a cool twist if Oscar met the God ofLight in the Realm between Realms and begged the God to grant him immortalityso that he could end the suffering of Ozma and the past Wizards; instead usinghis newfound power to protect the lives of the people who matter the most toOscar all the while fighting to stop Salem as her true adversary.

Jinn said that in time Salem wouldmeet her adversary but when you look at it like this, was Ozma ever trulySalem’s destined foe?

Think aboutit. Ozmawas originally Salem’s lover. Her former companion and the father of her children.Though they became sworn enemies who fought against each other, a part of mewould like to believe there is a part of Salem and even Ozma that stillharboured love for each other.

What I love about the Fairy Tale romance is that they shared a deep love so strongthat Salem was even able to tell that it was Ozma’s soul from behind the faceof Diggs when they reunited the first time. Salem loved Ozmaso much she even recognized him in the body of another man. That’s powerful.

Iknow Salem hates Ozma now but imagine if all that hatred she feels is just herlove corrupted by the burning destructive magic that turned Salem into thewicked witch she is now. As a matter of fact, there is something I’ve wonderedabout Salem. If Salem was able to sense Ozma’s soulfrom inside Diggs due to their love, if Ozma’s soul is to disappear completelyfrom this world…would Salem feel it?

Likelet’s say my theory about Oscar coming back from the deadalone as himself immortalized with Ozpin and essentially the culmination of allthe other Wizards over the centuries, including Ozma, going off to the afterlifeto rest in peace…would Salem feel Ozma no longer being a part of Remnant?

I know this conceptseems farfetched but somehow I’m picturing Salem as being the type of person who holds a grudgefor a very long time but the minute they discover that the person they’ve hatedfor so long is gone---truly gone forever, suddenly all that anger and ragedisappears as their true feelings forsaid person start to resurface.

Likepicture Salem being alone in her lair when Oscar is revivedand she suddenly senses Ozma’s soul disappear.Like even though they’ve been apart for eons, somehow through her corruptedheart there has always been something that still connected Salem to Ozma. A little light oflove. Though Salem did her best to cover that light, still it remained.Taunting her. Bothering heruntil she had no choice but to snuff it out sendingher forces to kill the source of that light.

Butjust like life, the light would always return until one day, the light finallydisappeared and unlike the previous times, it felt different.

Imagine…how Salem would feel tolearn that Ozpin---Ozma is gone. Truly gone. Somehow, I can just picture Salembeing in her lair of darkness when she suddenly gets a feeling of the windbeing knocked out of her. She then clutches her chest as she realized whathappened. He’sgone. He’s…actuallygone. No longer did she have the light that connected her to Ozma.

He…was gone again and for a second time, Salem found herself in a world withoutthe man she defied the Gods for. And for the first time in years, what she feltwasn’t pure rage. But a familiar sadness that she hasn’t felt since the day shefirst lost him and when Salem looked at her reflection, she was surprised tonot see herself but the face of a young woman crying for the loss of the manshe once loved for the second time in her lifetime.

Thatcould really interesting. I doubt we’ll get something like this for Salem inthe canon but it could’ve been something interesting to send off her characterstory for this volume. After all, we haven’t seen her since C4 but c’est la vie.

Ithink it would be really cool if the adversary Jinn foreshadowed Salem having isin fact Oscar. And if Oscar becomes an immortal justlike Salem, incapable of dying just as her then that would make him her true adversary as opposed to the original arrangement with Ozmaonly reincarnating in the bodies of likeminded souls.

Butas always, these are only my theories. I feel like we have a higher chance ofseeing Ozpin come back or the Merge occurring than Oscar actually changing thecycle with his sacrifice to be the last reincarnation. Buuuuut I’m still going to play with the idea.Whether it becomes canon or not, I really like my Oscar Immortalized/ The Last Wizard of Lighttheory too much to let it drop. Can’t wait to discuss it more next week.

Inthe meantime, I’m really glad you enjoy my content Flame. Thank you so much forappreciating my stuff and putting up with my bazillion and one Pinehead headcanons XD

I’dlove more Oscar-centric content too, mainly from the actual show. But we got threeepisodes remaining m’friend. Who knows? Maybethe CRWBY Writers might surprise us with something truly Oscar-worthy.

~LittleMissSquiggles (2019)

#squiggles answers: rwby #oscar pine #professor ozpin #oscar and ozpin #salem and ozma #rwby salem #rwby theories #rwby spoilers #flame-cat

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becausewerebatfam · 6 years ago

Text

Smile

Timothy Drake x Reader as Harley

The Joker died leaving his son Lucifer, Lucy for short, and his Harley to keep his legacy going. Tim thinks you deserve better.

Warning: Abusive relationship, suggestive.

“This way,” Lucy lead you through the dark alleys of Gotham. He was familiar with them unlike you, yet there you were staring at a brick wall with Batman quickly catching up.

“It’s a dead end Lucy-”

“Thanks Honey Bun for the update.” His words were sarcastic but still held a playful tone. “Be a doll and climb up to that balcony for me.” He lowered his stance down and prepared his hands like a pedestal for you to use as a stepping stone.

Looking up at said balcony you saw an unascended fire escape ladder knowing he wanted you to drop that down for him. With a nod of your head, you placed your right foot on his hands. He launched you up as you simultaneously jumped and grabbed onto the balcony railing. You swung up into a handstand then pushed off perfectly landing in an empty space of the balcony free of the tenant's clutter.

“Bravo,” Lucy clapped and hollered as you took a bow.

“Stop right there Joker” Batman appeared from the shadows with a scowl. This was the second break out at Arkham Asylum this month. The first being when you broke the Joker out and now you two returned for the Scarecrow.

"I’m afraid I’m due somewhere else but I leave you in good company. Oh, Angel Cakes...”

You used your body weight to pull down the ladder and swung off landing in front of Batman. “Nice to mee you Mr. Batman. I’ve heard so much about you.”

Batman instantly recognized your voice as not being Harley’s. He now knew he hadn’t chased down the right Joker. “Lucifer,” he narrowed his eyes. Father and son didn’t just look alike but they even shared the same voice. It was impossible to identify them, even for Batman.

“That’s right,” Lucy laughed.

“Batman!” Tim joined his side after having dealt with the other patients that tried escaping during the riot.

Batman grabbed your arm and pushed you into Tim. “Deal with her, I’ll go after him.”

You sighed, “Well boy wonder...what happens now?”

Tim looked at you with bewilderment, “You’re not Harley.”

“I’m not?” you gave an exaggerated gasp followed by laughter. “Then why am I wearing such ridiculous makeup?” The question was rhetorical of course. “Maybe it’s because you all scared the crazy out of her when you decided to kill Mr. J forcing my Lucy to pick up where he left off and making me dress up in these ridiculously uncomfortable small shorts!” You covered your mouth with your hands quickly regretting the outburst. You didn’t know what was wrong with you. Lately, you were experiencing some serious mood swings.

It had only been six months but already you could see your Lucy changing. He started off your sweet caring boyfriend. Now he was starting to act just like his father, he even started treating you just like his father had treated his mother. You would have left if it weren’t for Harley who asked you not to give up on him.

“The Joker’s dead?” This was news to him. To everyone’s knowledge, Joker was still running around terrorizing Gotham.

Your eyes widened realizing how angry Lucy would be when he found out you told one of the bat’s wards. “No, I just-” in a panic, you dropped a smoke bomb and escaped. This was your first time ever getting caught and the first time you met Robin but not your last.

+++

“There’s been an escape at Arkham.”

Tim is quick to react when he hears this. “Who escaped?”

“Lucifer” Barbara informed him without thinking. Only moments later did she recall Bruce’s warning. “Tim I need you to-” Barbara was interrupted by the static silence that came from Tim’s com. “Tim!”

It was too late, Tim was gone. He looked all over Gotham for you that night but came up empty. He stayed out until the sun began to rise and he still didn’t find you.

When he returned to the cave Batman was waiting for him. “Tim-”

“I know what you’re going to say.” He wasn’t one to do rebellious things or go against Bruce’s commands unless he had a good reason.

Bruce always trusted his judgment except when it came to you. “Harley isn’t worth your time Tim. She can’t be helped.”

“You don’t know Y/N like I do!” Over the years he had run into you countless times. Every encounter had brought him a little closer to understanding you. The real you was a bubbly, sassy girl and a skilled acrobat. In a lot of ways, you reminded him of Grayson. The difference is that when you left the circus it was to be with someone who changed your life for the worse.

“I know what you’re thinking Tim but she loves him.” Bruce had tried helping Harley get away from Joker but it proved impossible. She was too enamored by him. It was unfortunate that Tim had fallen for you because it could only go badly. “Harley would have left him if she loved you.”

Tim’s hands clenched into fists feeling utterly defeated by his words. “I have to help her...she can still be saved.”

Bruce sighed inwardly, Tim was starting to lose his rationality. “Get some sleep Tim.” It was obvious he had been burning the midnight oil.

He only stopped looking for you a few days to get Bruce off his back. Then he started looking for you whenever he had free time. No one had spotted you or the Joker in weeks. Until now when his goons were caught robbing a jewelry store on their own.

Dick kept a close eye on Tim knowing his desperation to find you. “Tim let’s go, the police will take it from here.” They had tied them all up and recovered everything they had intended to steal.

It should have been case closed but Tim wasn’t done. He began questioning the goons, “Why did you come alone?” They weren’t the brightest bunch.

They looked to each other before the newest of the bunch responded hoping to get some leniency. "Miss Harley ran away yesterday and the boss ordered us to get some gifts so she’ll come back.”

“Shut up you stupid idiot!” one of the others shouted. “The boss will feed you to the hyenas if he finds out about this.”

+++

You got a running start and jumped to reach the high bar. With both hands firmly gripping the bar you swung your legs up and over until your hips were directly on it. You smiled seeing the moon brighter than ever before. Maybe it was because you were free but it seriously looked brighter and instantly increased your mood.

After readjusting the position of your hands you spun forward a few times before letting go, doing a backflip, and landing perfectly a few feet forward with your hands in the air. “And the audience goes wild!” you cheered for yourself remembering the good old days at the circus.

The bittersweet thought brought tears to your eyes. “Thank you, thank you,” you bowed pretending to thank the audience when suddenly you heard real applause. You wiped your tears away before turning to see Tim and turning on the Harley act. “Well if it isn’t my favorite boy wonder.”

There was a tremble in your voice that alerted him. “What are you doing out here Harley?” As he got closer he could see your smudged makeup.

“Can’t a girl just have a little fun every once in a while?”

“Of course,” Tim’s brow furrowed at the sight of the purplish spot that was peeking out from under the makeup on your left cheek. “What’s this?”

You slapped his hand away remembering the hit you had taken from Lucy when he heard you had been spotted outside the hideout while he was locked up in Arkham. Lucy wanted your world to revolve around him. If he wasn’t around you were to stay put and wait for him. “It’s nothing” you giggled trying to play it off. “I should go before he starts sending henchmen to look for me.”

Tim blocked you from leaving and gently wiped the rest of your makeup from your cheek. His worries increased when the rest of the purple bruise was revealed. “This wasn’t here last time I saw you.”

A gentle hand upon your cheek was a pleasant change from the harsh hold Lucy kept on you. Even when he was kissing you, he held your chin harshly to keep you in place until he was satisfied. Tim, on the other hand, was always treating you like a porcelain doll. Perhaps that’s what you were because the smile finally dropped. Just being in his presence broke you out of character. “Last time you saw me Lucifer was locked up.” With the Harley persona gone you allowed yourself to lean into his hand.

At the sight of a tear, Tim got the feeling you were starting to break for good. Whatever hold Lucifer had on you was weakening letting the real you appear before him more often than not. “Y/N...” he called you by your name, waiting since your last encounter to use it again. When your eyes opened he inched closer, “...can I kiss you?” His lips hovered over yours for a moment as he waited for your permission.

You closed the gap between the two of you and gave him more than a simple kiss. Your arms wrapped around his neck while your legs wrapped around his hips.

His hands ran up and down your back feeling you up. This was a long time coming. Not once had you two kissed but the intention was always there building until now. He could hardly stop himself.

After pulling away from his intoxicating lips there was a feeling of regret. “I think I really am crazy.” Just like you feared, you got that same warm feeling in your chest you once got with Lucy.

When you tried leaving Tim pulled you back. “You’re not crazy,” he assured you.

But you were because right there in that playground you pushed him down onto the grass and straddled his hips. It was late, no one was around but you were still out in the open. The only thing keeping people from watching was the greenery. Trees, bushes, shrubs- nature was helping you out but it wasn’t enough to keep Lucifer’s guys from spotting that kiss.

+++

"Cupcake...here I was worried sick about you."

You groaned as your eyes fluttered open. Trying to get a grip of the situation was hard when your head was spinning. Lucy beckoned you over in a sing-song voice masking his true intentions. When you didn’t come to him he forcefully dragged you along by the arm.

The size of your eyes almost doubled at the sight of a bloody Tim slumped forward in a chair. He appeared to be tied by the wrists and ankles but you could hardly make it out in the poorly lit warehouse. His hair was matted in a mixture of blood and grime. You were sure Lucy had kicked him around good before putting him on display for you.

All you could remember was being with Tim the other night. You were a bit dizzy which told you a concussion could possibly be to blame. You didn’t have the slightest idea of how you got there.

"It's your favorite Robin." He chuckled maniacally loving your reaction. "What's wrong sweetie pie?" He wrapped his arm around your shoulders bringing you in closer and placing a kiss on top of your head. When your horrified expression didn't waiver he realized this was far more than he had imagined. "Why so serious sugar bear?" he whispered the question into your ear in a very menacing tone that made your skin crawl. He wanted you to fear him as much as he feared losing you to his enemy.

"What did you do to him Lucifer- ah!" you yelped in pain when he harshly grabbed your chin. Turning your face towards his so your eyes wouldn't wander back to Tim.

"Honey don't be so formal, I'm your sweet lovable Lucy. The only man who can ever make you smile."

"Let go of me!" you tried pulling free but the more you fought the louder his laughter grew.

Tim awoke from his unconscious state with the sound of your struggle. "Y/N..." he called you by name not realizing the effect it had on Lucy.

"Robin!" Without even thinking you ran to him. A loud gasp echoed through the large warehouse when you were close enough to see he was seated on a chair with wires that lead back to the entrance where Lucy was standing.

Lucy laughed, "Now you see the extent of my surprise Sugar Plum? I got it just for you. Remember how you kept asking for a shocky chair?"

You were ashamed of allowing your role as Harley to get you this far. To see the person you loved being hurt to such an extent because of it- Tears ran freely down your cheeks. Frantically searching for a way to release him, “I’m sorry, so sorry.”

“Y/N go,” the pain he felt didn’t matter. He just wanted you to be safely away from the psychopath. “Run and don’t look back.”

“I can’t leave you here!” You pulled at the restraints on his wrists with all your strength but they didn’t budge. Lucy had replaced the basic leather strap and metal buckle with chains and locks that he probably disposed the key of.

Lucy’s expression darkened considerably even for him. “Honey Bun I’m starting to lose my patience. Get back here right NOW!”

Going against his wishes you embraced Tim.

“Fine... both of you can die.” There was no smile on your face like he expected. His Harley had been taken from him.

As Lucy gripped the lever you looked into Tim’s eyes and confessed. “I love you Tim.” For the last time, you pressed your lips against his feeling the surge of electricity run through both your bodies.

-end-

pic credit; shima920 真嶋しま℠

A/N: Thoughts? I apologize for spelling or grammar errors. I will check it later.

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swiftwidget · 7 years ago

Text

I talked about this with @aoimikans and on a discord channel Friday morning, but my thoughts were a bit everywhere and I was typing on my phone. So, I’m going to write it here now that I feel a bit more ordered.

Izuku offering Mirio One for All was incredibly self-centered.

***Before I go on, I will preface this by saying I know he’s a kid, he’s still learning, he still has room to grow, and I care very much about him as a character.***

EDIT: Izuku is also usually a selfless person. This does not change that but just shows he has some area of growth needed and needs counselling after a traumatic event.

Straight to the point. Izuku’s offer was selfish disguised as generous.

At face value, Izuku offering OfA to Mirio who just lost his quirk could seem like a generous sacrifice - but with some uneasy undertones and the shock of Izuku offering to give it away. But it wasn’t generous. It wasn’t even kind.

Izuku witnessed the death of Nighteye (a traumatic event, yes), and he felt guilty that 1) Mirio is quirkless now, 2) Nighteye’s wish for Mirio to be All Might’s successor was not fulfilled, and 3) he saw Eri’s accidental uncontrollable use of her quirk and Aizawa helping him as negatives.

So instead of processing his guilt, his mourning, his trauma, he runs from it and takes the first out he sees: Offering to give Mirio his quirk.

Now, he in no way meant to be hurtful, but that was a hurtful thing to do. On top of that, he did not give that an ounce of thought.

We see him recall the moments when All Might told him he was quirkless too and believed Izuku could do something great with OfA and when he promised to twist fate.

(Hell, Nighteye’s last words to him were to say he could change fate.)

Those were huge moments. Those were promises. Those were leaps and bounds of development!

So what the hell happened?

Izuku’s fatal flaw happened. This kid will move heaven and earth to help a friend. This kid genuinely wants to be a hero to help people and has the drive to do so.

But as soon as he faces a setback that makes him doubt himself, doubt his “worthiness” of being All Might’s successor, he offers to give up. He has no strong confidence or faith in himself.

We saw it after the Sports Festival before Toshinori told him he was quirkless too. We saw a bit of it before Toshinori told him he gave him the will to live again. (I fully expect a sit down conversation between them again in which they actually communicate because poor communication in stories to create unnecessary drama is such a pet peev of mine.)

So what triggers these downward spirals?

At the SF, it was losing to Todoroki despite helping him and freaking changing his life. Then it was the shock that there was a more experienced person being considered for One for All before him, and the doubt that followed him realizing All Might was keeping that information from him.

This time?

He blames himself for Nighteye’s death.

Let me pause here and clear something up. When I say self-centered and selfish, I mean it in two ways: 1) He is an immature kid still and in a way thinks the world revolves around himself in that the world is depending on him to save it. He is trying to take it all on his shoulders.* 2) He is incredibly analytical and this is the flaw of it. When he turns this critical eye inward, self-focusing, he only sees his flaws and perceived failures. That is an incredibly hard thing to deal with. (I know, I’m a perfectionist with severe anxiety, I know how harsh that inner eye is.) It can be paralyzing in the long run.

With that in mind, let’s continue.

Izuku feels guilt. Izuku is looking inward in this moment and only seeing his perceived failures, not his successes, not his growth. Izuku is too immature to properly deal with this sort of trauma without help. Izuku runs for an out by offering to give Mirio the quirk - to let the cup pass from him because he can’t deal in that moment.

“Take this quirk because I am overwhelmed by my feelings of guilt. I want to throw this responsibility at someone apparently more worthy because they wouldn’t make the same mistakes as me, right? I want this grief, this guilt, this regret to go away and the first thing I can think of to get rid of it is to give away this quirk.”

Thank God Mirio is more mature and so incredibly kind.

He sees that Izuku hasn’t thought this through. He points out that Izuku would be suffering in his place in that case. He doesn’t feed Izuku’s developing martyr complex.** For that, he deserves all the awards. Despite losing the mentor that he had grown so close to, despite losing his quirk, he still looks out for Izuku in a way that is not self centered. That is one of the differences maturity and experience make.

But, like I said. Izuku’s actions were hurtful. Izuku put Mirio in a situation where he was forced to comfort Izuku despite what he’s just suffered. Izuku didn’t see this because he was too wrapped up in his self deprecation he didn’t think about the outcome. Speaking of which...

Izuku didn’t think things through.

If he gives up OfA now, he can’t become a hero.

I personally believe that Mirio could still be a hero. He’s had the opportunity to be trained and proved he can fight without his quirk. We’ve seen a number of non-combat based quirk heroes, and we’ve seen that heroes have some pretty amazing tech.

Mirio could still manage it with the experience he has and some tech.

Izuku can’t.

He could probably fight a bit and outwit, but as he is now, he needs OfA to be a hero. And if he couldn’t be a hero? Then what? Then what? Hand in his provisional license? Drop out of school? Go back to before? Everything he’s worked for would be for nothing. If he took the time to slow down and actually think, he would see that. He’s a smart kid when he thinks before acting.

What about All Might’s choice?

Yes, Nighteye just died. Yes, he wanted Mirio to inherit OfA. But that was never Nighteye’s decision to make. Not his quirk, not his decision. I’m honestly still salty about this. He raised Mirio to be All Might 2.0 - all the power and charisma of All Might with the added benefit of not being touched (read: stabbed through the gut). Mirio was raised to be All Might’s mirror. Looks a bit like him, similar mannerisms and charisma, his body was already trained, ... and they both lost their quirk defending a girl in harms way. And they both lost their mentor.

The world never needed another All Might, but Nighteye didn’t see that.

Nighteye didn’t respect All Might’s decision to return to hero work, he didn’t respect All Might’s choice of successor. And in both cases he lashed out and said something incredibly hurtful. That All Might was fated to die. That Mirio should have inherited OfA. (I’m still salty as the Dead Sea. (ง'̀-'́)ง I will fight someone.)

Izuku - in his downward spiral - remembers his promise to All Might but offers the quirk anyway. He doesn’t believe in himself and by extension doesn’t believe in All Might’s choice to train him for 10 months and give him his quirk and his time and his devotion.***

Does... Does no one actually care what All Might thinks? (He has flaws and contributed to all this in a way but I’ll get to that in a second.) That his legacy is his to pass on? That he entrusted not only his own quirk but his predecessors’ quirk? That he’s a pretty damn good judge of character and to him Izuku has proved himself time and time and time again? Do his opinions, his thoughts mean nothing?

What about all the help and support he’s been given?

Izuku has made amazing friends and is an inspiration and driving force for his class. He saved Todoroki from his self-hatred, he saved Iida’s life, he inspires his class along with Bakugou, he is a driving force for Bakugou as well. He doesn’t hesitate to help others. But...

But... He thinks poorly of himself when he needs help. He is overly critical of himself when he reaches his natural limit. He is overly critical when he is given help. He’s gone beyond humble and into self deprecation and blaming himself for things he cannot control. It’s part of his fatal flaw. Perhaps borne from Aizawa’s necessary scolding at the beginning and Recovery Girl’s decision to not help extreme, self inflicted injuries. He brought those on himself, and they were necessary lessons and reminders that he has limits. But he takes them to the n-th degree when he criticizes himself.

The hypocrisy or paradox of this is he thinks no less of those he has helped, but does not apply that to himself. It is another kind of self-centered, critical thought that in his mind separates him from the others. It’s no good.

If he were to give away OfA, he would be throwing away all the help and support he has been given. You don’t do that, kid... You just don’t.

Izuku has a difficult fatal flaw, and if he isn’t careful he will end up like All Might.

All Might’s flaw that did him in was his drive for revenge against All for One for killing Nana. He caved to his flaw and was rewarded with the injury in his side and his forced, early retirement. The moment he stopped acting like a hero, he was punished by the narrative gods.

Izuku’s fatal flaw is his self doubt and lack of self confidence. He is overly critical of himself. He focuses on his perceived failures rather than his growth and successes. Despite this, he’s gotten off easy so far. He has been reassured by All Might twice. But had it been Aizawa listening in? What Izuku did there was so severe I believe Aizawa would have expelled him on the spot - or at least threatened to. Wishy-washy resolve doesn’t belong in a future hero. He urgently needs to address this.

How to address this:

I think we have another All Might and Izuku heart-to-heart serious talk coming.

When I saw this image of Toshinori, I thought perhaps he felt frustrated or betrayed by what he heard. He just lost one of his oldest friends. He probably feels helpless since this was the first big raid that he couldn’t assist - and the raid and following police escort resulted in hero fatalities. And then he hears Izuku - the boy that gave him his will to live, the boy he believes in, the boy he has grown close to in a father-son way, the boy that promised to stand by him and help twist fate so he isn’t murdered - offer to give OfA away. He must feel like everything is slipping out of his control, everything he has lived is changing. He looks like he is in turmoil.

@aoimikans had another take on the image. That All Might looked frustrated because he realizes he has neglected Izuku. Neglected to properly cultivate him and care for his mental well-being. And honestly, I am leaning toward this as well because he has shown that he is aware that the kids need to have their mental states cared for too (see: what he says to Aizawa after Izuku and Bakugou’s spat).

I think this will lead to another good talk during which Toshinori will hopefully address and start to mend Izuku’s fatal flaw. To get him to realize how much he’s grown (like the before and after picture on the beach). To see his successes whether or not they are perfect successes. To get him to realize it is okay to need help (USJ, the summer camp, Kamino). To hug him and tell him that he is proud to have him as his successor.**** That Izuku needs to have more confidence and faith in himself. To help him healthily deal with loss and trauma (okay, maybe not Toshinori’s forte). To support him as he is.

To take time to fix some of the flaws All Might contributed to: That Izuku doesn’t have to have the world on his shoulders from the get go. That he doesn’t have to take on responsibility for things out of his control. That he doesn’t need to be the next All Might, but needs to be himself - to do what he can as the hero Deku. To start chipping away at that martyr complex and self deprecating inward critical view of himself. So that the next time there is a setback, Izuku doesn’t go through the same damn motions and stunt his growth.

My frustration

Honestly, the fact that Izuku keeps falling back into this same pattern without learning from it is really frustrating because dang it, he’s such a good kid and tries so hard. He just needs to have an ounce of faith in himself. Screw being “worthy” of One for All. Gran Torino was right, Izuku still sees it as more special than it is and that shackles him. He is a hero because of who he is and has grown into. One for All helped, but it is a tool, not anything sacred.

tldr: *inhale* BOI

* A flaw in All Might’s teaching that by God needs to be addressed damn it.

** All Might... talk to your son about this.

*** Mufasa voice: “You have forgotten who you are, and so forgotten me.”

**** I need quality Dad Might moments like I need water.

#bnha #mha #izuku midoriya #all might #toshinori yagi #mirio togata #nighteye #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #chapter 162 #spoilers #I just have a lot of feelings you know?#I spent 3-4 hours on this post alone...#aoimikans #swiftwidget

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sinceileftyoublog · 3 years ago

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Andrew Bryant Interview: Sidetracked By Mortality

BY JORDAN MAINZER

“I’m still trying to make something out of my life,” sings Andrew Bryant on “Birmingham”, a shimmery standout on his new album A Meaningful Connection. From an outsider’s perspective, he’s being modest, borderline facetious. The multi-instrumentalist and producer is a member of Water Liars, one of the most underrated rock bands of the past decade, and he’s released many intimate solo records over the years. His latest, self-released and out on July 9th, is perhaps the most reflective, thoughtful, and deep, soul searching without being navel-gazing.

Dig more, though, and Bryant is still grappling with who he is; A Meaningful Connection is, at its heart, about changing things about yourself. For Bryant, some of these changes are new, and others have been building for decades. Growing up in an Evangelical Christian household, questioning his background, and eventually rejecting religion altogether shapes how he views the world, how he perceives what’s true and what’s not. Indeed, throughout the record, Bryant is concerned with what people believe versus what really is, and he writes about it through the lens of technology and the sociopolitical climate of the past half-decade. “So please, y’all, don’t @ me / I’m trying out this vibe / I don’t have to listen to your truth or your lies,” he sings on the fuzzed-out “Reality Winner”, a song inspired by the formerly incarcerated intelligence specialist and whistleblower with an eerily appropriate name. Of course, Bryant’s aware of social media rabbit holes and that not everything you read online is true: “Folk singers on Twitter / You know they’ve got all the answers,” he quips on album opener “Private Window”. In a way, the rabid pursuit of truth in the era of #FakeNews can prove just as dogmatic as the Trump-voting Evangelicals Bryant grew up with. “You can eat from the tree of the God that keeps you up at night,” Bryant continues on “Private Window”, this time more weary and wise.

Last month, I spoke to Bryant over the phone from his home in Oxford, MS, a year and change into the period of COVID-induced isolation we’ve all gone through, one ripe for the type of contemplation that pervades A Meaningful Connection. Though Bryant started writing these songs in late 2019, lockdown encouraged him to write every day. He got sober during the pandemic--the gorgeous and acoustic “Drink The Pain Away” was written a few months after his last drink--another move that has, among other things, aided his pursuit of not the truth, but self-truths, or perhaps a belief in yourself. “I want to be like Christ, but I don’t want to die,” he sings on “Fight”, wanting to find meaning in life that doesn’t involve atoning for sins or self-sacrifice. Of course, that’s, ironically, a lifelong project for all of us, but to Bryant, making meaningful connections along the way, within himself and with others, is a means to such an end.

Below, read my conversation with Bryant, edited for length and clarity.

Since I Left You: Would you consider A Meaningful Connection mostly inspired by the COVID-19 lockdown?

Andrew Bryant: Absolutely. It’s kind of weird, because the title for me represents more the idea I had going into making the record, what it means to be connected with people. I really wanted to get into how we form connections that are and aren’t personal, and work it out in song. I wanted to use technology in song for the first time. I really don’t like to say things like “text” [in a song]. [But] in one of the first lines of the record, I say, “Twitter.” I don’t really like to do that in songs, because it dates them so specifically. But I really had that intention of going into this record that was doing something for the time. After the lockdown, I really turned inward a lot more than I intended to, with all of it. It ended up being another songwriter’s personal look at himself in the mirror. [laughs]

SILY: The first four words, “folk singers on Twitter,” are funny, because when you think of “folk singers,” you could think of the 60′s, but also the folk tradition. It’s time ambiguous when contrasted with something like Twitter that’s so specific. It really is a funny juxtaposition.

AB: That’s kind of how I approached it at the beginning. There’s a lot about time on the record, and I wanted to juxtapose phrases that were timeless with phrases that weren’t. I don’t think I did all that well--I think I got sidetracked by the idea of mortality because of everything that was going on.

SILY: You sing, “Don’t @ me,” on another song. What’s your relationship with social media? Are you on it a lot?

AB: Yeah, and I was on it a lot last year, like a lot of people. I’ve always had a fairly funny relationship with it. It’s something that came when I was in my 20′s. I grew up in a house without a computer at all. I never connected with people the same way that younger people do. In the last five years, because I’ve been using it for so long, it’s interesting for me to see how it’s become its own force in society and our psyche and the way that we are and relate to one another in a way that doesn’t exist when I was a kid. When I think about my memories as a kid, it’s hard for me to even imagine the way people related to one another.

SILY: On “Private Window”, you also sing, “In another 140 years, there will be another 140 people writing lines about what it all means to let it bleed.” Is the 140 a reference to the one-time character limit of a Tweet?

AB: It is.

SILY: Part of that line that also sticks with me, that I’ve noticed on a number of records that deal with grief, is that there’s almost an absurdity to the idea that coping with something makes for meaningful art. At the end of the day, somebody’s dead.

AB: Absolutely. I think that’s why I got so obsessed with the idea of time. It goes on and on.

SILY: On “Fight”, you seem to be grappling with the idea of legacy when you sing, “I want to be like Christ but I don’t want to die.” Are you saying you want to live for something valuable?

AB: Yeah. I’m still in a lot of ways deconstructing from the Evangelical past I was raised in as a kid. My family still says that being Christlike is the only thing that matters. It’s an easy thing to say, but not to think of it as the ultimate way of being, to die for no reason, or to be sacrificed. I think that song is a way for me to be okay with just who I am. Letting the art that I make be what it is, whether it’s great or bad, whether I think it’s good, just me wanting to be myself and not have to think about being a Christ figure in a lot of ways.

SILY: What’s your current relationship with religion?

AB: I’m an atheist on a really bad day and a little bit of an agnostic on a really good day. I pretty much left it all years ago. It’s one of those things where if you were raised the way I was, completely submerged in it--our entire family’s entire lives revolved around it--if you grew up that way during a formative 18 years of your life, it doesn’t really ever leave. It shapes the way you interact with the world even if you know that you’ve intellectually rejected it. There’s so much underlying inside of you that makes your body and emotions react in a Western Biblical way. So much of our country is like that more than people realize. A lot of our laws, the way we interact and do everything in society is a Judeo Christian, Western way of thought. I’m not naïve to think it doesn’t still have a little bit of control over me, unless I keep it in check.

SILY: How do you think it finds its way into your songwriting?

AB: I think the inward reflection does it a lot. Me judging myself. That’s the worst thing to come from it. How much self-doubt and judgement I put upon myself. It shows up in my work and my producing work. If I want to produce something that’s not me, if it’s not all about me all the time, it’s a struggle. Christians say you’re not supposed to think about yourself, but if you live in that world, for me, it’s all about saving your soul from damnation. It’s not about other people.

SILY: Would you say this album’s central theme of the truth versus lies falls into that idea as well?

AB: For sure. The Trump administration, too. The people who voted for him and put him in office, I knew them. A lot of people who are Evangelicals who voted for him were waiting for someone like him their entire lives. He embodied what they wanted. A lot of my worst fears of what could be possible were right in my face. But the thing that scared me the most was when Trump was talking about fake news. What is truth and what is reality really blurred for the last 5 years. In social media, too, that’s why I really wanted to interrogate that idea of truth and reality. I really wanted to get people to see that sometimes those things are the same, and sometimes they’re not. We’re each able to have our own truths, but they’re actually our beliefs. Where I think I failed on this record is not using the word “beliefs.” There aren’t two truths, there are distinct beliefs.

SILY: Do you distinguish between “the truth” and a personal truth?

AB: Of course. Each person has their own truth. I believe that. And perspective. Truth is fluid always. But 2+2 is 4 is accepted as a truth. The accepted truths coming from math and science is what I call truth. When it comes to everything else, it is just belief. If you grow up with an Evangelical worldview, you grow up with the truth and the only truth. Once you’ve spent 20 years really figuring it out, and these media figureheads like Trump come out and try to reverse it all, it’s so hard. It’s really, really jarring.

SILY: It’s interesting to me that the line “I guess I never really learned how to let go of the truth for a lie,” came in the song “Drink the Pain Away”, because if you think about alcohol, it’s something that can both be a truth serum and something that brings up emotions that can blur the truth. Was that an intentional juxtaposition?

AB: Absolutely. I got sober last year, during the making of the record, and that song was written when I was about 3-4 months sober at that point. But, yeah. [laughs] Alcohol definitely does make things true that weren’t true, or expose some truths that even then weren’t true. Truth serum is a great way to put it.

SILY: Is the song “Reality Winner” named after the person?

AB: It is.

SILY: Is there anything in that song actually about that person? Why did you title it that?

AB: Not really. I had the song written first. I had the riff, and was working on the chorus, and I wanted to write about her, but I went down a Twitter rabbit hole about it one night in particular to the point I was so full of anxiety I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I went to the park and literally wrote the song there in my head. What intrigued me, too, was her name. The name Reality Winner, the metaphors were too great. I needed to write about problems that I was having surrounding the ways she was treated. I sort of made it about myself, which is not great. But hopefully you’re gonna find out about Reality Winner if you don’t know about her already. I’m not that good at writing political songs. [laughs]

SILY: Do you think that “Truth Ain’t Hard To Find” is a response to the previous songs on the record that might state otherwise?

AB: Yeah. That was the last song I wrote for the record. I didn’t know how to sum it up. I always knew it was where I wanted to go at a certain point, but the album got sequenced around a couple times in my brain, and I cut a couple songs off. I knew I needed to say something to bring it all back together, so that was the point of that song.

SILY: The record’s really aesthetically diverse. Some songs are more power pop, while others have a slow lurking stomp. How do you go about juxtaposing a style or melody with the themes of the songs?

AB: Part of the reason for that on this record is during the pandemic, I hadn’t updated a lot of my studio here, and then I [finally] updated my [recording station]. A lot of it was learning on the spot. Basically, whenever I found a [new] sound, it made it in. I’ve been doing this for so long where I just kind of listen to things and just run with it. Usually, when I get everything tracked, I look back and try to make it more cohesive. It’s more all over the place in the early stages of mixing. I ended up re-tracking a lot of guitars that appeared throughout the album and honed in a lot of drum sounds.

SILY: What’s the inspiration behind the album art?

AB: That’s my wife on the cover. To me, I had an image I wanted to use for the cover that was really dark, that was just her arm in bed, and it was too dark. I wanted two people sleeping in bed together, and I wanted to show time, space, and technology. It’s an image that represents the big ideas of the album. We were actually in bed one day and were reflected in the window. I was thinking of the idea of “Private Window”, windows, reflections of how we see ourselves, how we see ourselves from our phones versus how other people see us. I came up with the idea and invited some friends of mine over and we shot it.

SILY: You mentioned wanting to do some acoustic house shows around this record. How do you feel about stripping these songs back down to play them live?

AB: Not too bad. I’ve been playing around with them. I got a new guitar the other day. They won’t have all the parts there, but that’s how it goes. That’s how it’s been for years. Sometimes, you just try to play the song and sing it well rather than having a huge band playing all the parts. I think it’s a personal and emotional enough record that if I play in a small room, it might come off better than in a club.

SILY: What else have you been working on in the meantime?

AB: I got a couple local folks I’m helping with their records, a local hip hop guy. Kind of their first time. I’ve pretty much got my next record written, which is pretty different from this one or anything I’ve done on the last few albums. Kind of acoustic-based, fictionalized writing. I’m gonna start tracking that in a couple months, I imagine. Trying to keep myself busy. I’m trying to work on a memoir. [laughs] Songwriters are not known for being good authors. Some of them can pull it off.

SILY: Anything you’ve been listening to, watching, or reading lately that’s caught your attention?

AB: That new Godspeed You! Black Emperor record. I’ve been a fan of theirs for a long time. That new Damien Jurado record, I like how short and beautiful it is. I’ve been a fan of his since the 90′s. I just finished watching The Crown on Netflix. My wife had watched that show, and I thought, “I’m not interested in the Royals, I don’t want to watch this.” But I had sort of run out of shit to watch, and I needed a series. I was really surprised how well done that show was. It really interested me.

youtube

#interviews #andrew bryant #a meaningful connection #water liars #reality winner #twitter #covid-19 #godspeed you! black emperor #damien jurado #the crown #netflix #the royal family

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jurijurijurious · 7 years ago

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Happy Birthday Terry Pratchett

So today would have been Sir Terry Pratchett’s 70th birthday. He sadly passed away before his time in 2015 from early onset Alzheimers. Seeing such a bright, inquisitive and sharp mind succumb to that horrible condition was really distressing, and I can’t imagine how difficult it was for those closer to him.

But today I celebrate the effect Terry Pratchett had on my life. Here’s a quick sketch I did of him in his top hat from the “Dodger” era of his writing career. More on that in a bit...

I was introduced to Terry Pratchett and his Discworld through a back-door, so to speak, in (I think) 2003, by @the-mcguffin through a fanfiction. The fanfic interested me enough that I went to my local library for the first time in years, found what Pratchett books they had, and took one out to read. (See, the first step was it encouraged library use! A very Pratchett thing, I think! I had no money to buy books back then...) The first book I read was “Interesting Times”. I think it was the cover I liked the best (or actually was just the one I disliked the least - the Kirby illustrations were never my cup of tea alas...)

After that, the rest is sort-of history. I read another and another and another. And when I got a job, I bought some. The thing is I ended up re-reading favourites before I read all of them because that’s how I rolled. (“Guards! Guards!” was re-read a lot.)

Anyway, again back to my pal @the-mcguffin who, after having successfully converted me to the books, tried to persuade me to go to a Discworld Convention or to a Discworld play. They always seemed to fall at the wrong time, or (during the years before I passed my driving test) were at places I simply couldn’t get to very easily. Finally, I went “fuck it” and succumbed in 2010, buying a membership. (Back in those days, you could still get a ticket for a DWCon months after they had gone on sale - I think I got mine the January before the Con and was still only number 700-and-something. But I digress...)

After the Convention, equipped with a bunch of new friendships and memories, nothing was the same again. I don’t know what DWCons do to you, but literally I was a different person when I came home, and the rest of my life since has near enough revolved around booking holidays for Discworld events. That’s a Hell of a way to spend 8 years of your life.

And the thing about Discworld is the ripples. I think the quote in one of the books, which is more about death than anything, is “No one is finally dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away”. But Discworld has always created ripples. Like, for instance, I never would have rediscovered my love of Shakespeare and theatre without Discworld - it was a knock-on-effect thing which followed the first convention. I would never have driven my lonely ass down to some far-flung corner of England called Somerset to spend a weekend in a quirky little town on a hill called Wincanton (twinned with Ankh-Morpork!) with other Discworld fans. I’ve done that several times now. It’s quite a long drive. And, my God, the silly, crazy things we have done in Wincanton in the name of Discworld and Terry Pratchett - I think my favourite was when we did a mountain climbing expedition up the high street. The reaction of locals was priceless. Us bloody lunatics.

I’ve also been privileged to contribute my art to some of the Conventions, a scary but wonderfully rewarding thing to be able to do for something you love. It’s even more peculiar to see people walking around in merchandise with your art on it.

But back to the “Dodger” thing. My best memories of Terry Pratchett surround his novel “Dodger”. To be frank, it’s a novel I’ve only read once, but the memories are gold.

I think my very favourite memory comes from, I think, a Hogswatch event in Wincanton, I’m gonna take a guess it took place in November 2011. Terry was still well enough to attend and it was a wonderfully intimate setting to be in with him, crammed into the back room of The Bear pub in Wincanton and listening to him speak. And I remember him speaking about writing Dodger. And it was wonderful. I think it’s the time where I’ve felt most connected to, most alike, Terry Pratchett, as his face lit up and you could hear the joy, the excitement, in his voice as he spoke about doing the research for this Victorian-based novel - and suddenly I was 15 again, in my history classroom, studying the Poor Law, the Victorian slums, the Factory Acts - dude, this was my thing! Victorian social history was something I adored at school, and it continues to fascinate me, and to hear your favourite author speak so passionately, so lovingly of the historical research process - it was genuinely wonderful. I can’t remember what he said - I just remember the moment and the feelings I had. And that’s why I’ve drawn Terry Pratchett in his top hat for his birthday today - because it is my special memory.

On another Dodger note, another awesome memory was a little later down the line, after the book had been published and stuff, in the pub after seeing Stephen Briggs’ Studio Theatre Club do their production of “Dodger”. It was the final performance, a lot of Discworld fans had come to little ol’ Abingdon for the final show, and the pub was full of both the cast and crew and Discworld fans. And Terry Pratchett was there, in his top hat. He wasn’t quite so well as he had been at the Hogswatch in 2011, but he was still very lively and interactive, and I just remember him coming over to some of the cast members and myself as we were talking and he started to talk about something to us. Again, I’ve not the foggiest what he said, I can’t recall, but his intensity, his keen interest, his liveliness - they were wonderful things to be privy to.

And I think everyone can always appreciate how Terry would just be happy milling about in a pub, at a convention, or anywhere - he never had airs and graces.

I think my biggest regret is never being able to have a good conversation with him. I’m not the world’s best talker, I’m crap at conversation, and I think this is what defeated me. I only ever said a few words to him and they were pointless. I do remember going to see the Studio Theatre Club’s “The Man Who Was Thursday” in, I believe, 2011? And Terry Pratchett was there with his wife. I held the door for him at the theatre entrance when he was coming up the steps behind me and my friend. And during the half time interval, it was the most peculiar sight to see that no one else there appeared to recognise him, and he spent a few minutes stood alone with no one to talk to. I wonder if he enjoyed that? Part of me regrets deeply not going over and speaking to him, it was a missed opportunity, but there we go, what would I have said? Hey ho.

So happy birthday to the late, great man. The friends I have made, the places I have travelled to, the hobbies I have embarked upon, the experiences I have had, which have all resulted from reading that one fanfiction based on his works... The effect on my life has been immeasurable. It’s a good day to raise a glass to his name and his legacy, read one of his books, and remember him and what he has done for you.

#terry pratchett #discworld #dodger #speak his name

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snowpatrolfanclubbrazil · 6 years ago

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Gary Lightbody shifts uncomfortably in his seat as he recalls the lowest moment of his life. It's 18 years ago now, but the pain - and shame - of that episode are clearly still fresh in his mind. Well, at least some parts of it.

He's all too aware that he could have died that night. Indeed, as he lay at the bottom of a steep flight of concrete steps, head cracked open and drenched in blood, his Snow Patrol colleague Jonny Quinn was convinced the band's lead singer had played his last gig.

Wildness: Gary Lightbody discusses new Snow Patrol album

"I'd been on a bender for three days," says the 41-year-old, running a hand though that trademark mane of unruly black hair.

"I'd gone to a club in Glasgow. I was way, way too drunk and went tumbling down the stairs. Jonny, who'd just arrived, looked over the balcony and saw me lying there with the blood oozing out of my head. He thought I was dead."

We're sitting in The Dark Horse bar in Belfast, across from one of the Bangor man's favourite former haunts, the Duke of York. But today the frontman of one of the world's biggest rock groups is sipping peppermint tea because alcohol is no longer on the menu.

Rocker's honesty over drink and drugs an example to all

He's been sober for two years, the legacy of a major health scare that compelled him to turn his life around.

He's also really excited about Wildness - "the album I'm most proud of" - which is released today as the band's first studio recording in seven years.

The benders have been replaced by martial arts and meditation. But you get the impression that the old demons which sent him careering down those unforgiving steps in 2000 - several years before Snow Patrol hit the big time - are still lurking in the background.

He shows me the two replacement teeth in his lower jaw, a constant reminder of the night he was rushed to a Glasgow hospital's emergency department after that life-threatening fall.

Album review: Snow Patrol - Wildness

But it's what happened afterwards that remains a source of recurring shame for the charismatic singer-songwriter.

"I was out of control," he says. "Apparently, they put me in a wheelchair and I rode off on it, shouting... I was a giant ass, running all over the place.

"Initially, none of the nurses would talk to me the following day, but I couldn't really remember what had happened the previous night.

"Looking at myself in the mirror that day was, literally, a sobering experience. That was the first time I quit the booze."

But not the last. The Scottish incident (Gary studied English Literature at the University of Dundee) prompted a dry spell lasting "a couple of months" as he recuperated at the home of his parents, Jack and Lynne. "They're always happy to see me, but they weren't happy with how I looked," he says.

Temptation soon came knocking again, however, and was invited in, accompanied by drugs and depression.

People who don't suffer from mental health issues will probably never understand how a gifted, fabulously wealthy man could be depressed about anything. But it clearly doesn't work that way.

As a teenager growing up in - and keen to escape from - a Troubles-torn Northern Ireland, ex-Campbell College pupil Gary suffered from bouts of anxiety.

Then there was that seven-year period following Snow Patrol's student-days formation in 1994 when commercial success eluded them despite building up a decent fan base and releasing a well-received debut album, Songs for Polarbears (the band was briefly called Polarbear), in 1998.

"I thought we were going to be big from the start - and then when we weren't, I started thinking, 'Maybe this is never going to happen',"Gary says.

"I had too much ego at the beginning. Over time, that gets drilled out of you.

"Looking back, I'm grateful that we were allowed a gestation period because I think I'd have been absolutely insufferable.

"I wanted too much at the beginning - I wanted world domination. I don't think I was over-confident and I certainly wasn't cool. It was more like I was charged with this energy that was probably no real use to me."

Gary insists that he doesn't regret those booze-addled early years in Scotland, where at times he felt grateful just to have roof over his head. Indeed, even the notorious Glasgow incident gave him fresh songwriting impetus.

Independent label Jeepster Records, however, gave up on Snow Patrol after their second album, When It's All Over We Still Have To Clear Up, failed to take off in 2001.

But then came a deal with Polydor, the 2003 release of Final Straw and its epic, haunting break-out single Run - and tangible success at last for a fully focused Gary, who refrained from indulgence during the album-promoting tour that put him, Jonny, Nathan Connolly, Paul Wilson and Johnny McDaid firmly on the road to mega-stardom.

The multi-platinum Final Straw was followed up by the even bigger Eyes Open (2006) - which spawned Chasing Cars, one of the most air-played songs in music history - and world-wide, sell-out stadium gigs.

It might surprise some fans, however, that Gary doesn't regard Chasing Cars as one of the best things he's ever done.

"There are better songs on Eyes Open - and better ones on our new album," he insists.

"But it's a beautiful thing and a privilege to have songs such as Chasing Cars and Run that are in people's consciousness. Those songs have taken us around the world many times and we're honoured to have them."

Subsequent album releases - A Hundred Million Suns (2008) and Fallen Empires (2012) - sold well but failed to emulate the monster success of Eyes Open, and the group's leader retreated to Santa Monica, California, and started drinking heavily again.

Gary, who lives in Bangor, says he felt "incapacitated" by depression back then.

In his darkest hours, he even thought about "not existing" any more, but he didn't go as far as to "think how to get there".

"The most important thing for anybody going through mental health problems is to talk about it," he says.

"People have said I've given them the confidence to speak up about their own problems, which makes me happy. It's the thing that I found the hardest, and it hamstrung me against recovery for such a long time.

"People were always complimenting me for being an honest songwriter - and I was, about love etc - but the inner life I was living was not something that I was able to share until now."

The health scare of 2016 - when infections ravaged his ears, eyes and both sinuses - was a major wake-up call: "I knew I had to change my lifestyle, which up to that point had revolved around booze, and I just stopped drinking."

I tell him that he looks fit and healthy.

"I feel it too," he replies.

"I'm a lean 180 pounds (12.8 stone) at the moment. I was up to 200 (pounds) before I quit drinking. It looked like my neck and my face were the same width."

He's been sober for almost two years, but he admits the first steps were really difficult.

"It was hard to be around other people drinking, so I avoided it and tended not to be very social in the first year or so," Gary says.

Any lapses?

"No, none," he replies - but stops short of saying he has banished the demon drink for ever.

"That was my problem in the past - I'd say, 'Never again', but if you've got chaotic tendencies like I have - the self-sabotaging, which has been a theme of my life - and you say you're never going to do something again, chances are you're absolutely going to do it again."

He reveals that he abstained for 12 months four years ago.

"I always said I was going to go off it for a year, And I did," he says.

"It was the year between two Grammy Awards ceremonies. The first one (2014) I'd been nominated along with Taylor Swift, and the following year I was there with Ed Sheeran, who'd been nominated along with my bandmate Johnny McDaid.

"Between those two nights I was sober, but on those two nights I definitely wasn't."

He says his life has changed "immeasurably" since he quit booze (he'd already weaned himself off drugs years before).

"It's calmer, there's less darkness, more energy... all the things you get from quitting," he adds, stressing that he's highly unlikely to do drugs (such as cocaine and ecstasy) again either.

"They were part of my life but not anymore - they didn't do me any favours," he says.

"People need to make their own choices in life, but if anyone ever asked me if drugs are a good idea, I'd say no."

So, how has going from penniless student to mega-rich global rock star changed him?

"It's made me realise that it doesn't actually matter what you have, it's who you are," he says.

"Fame, fortune, none of it matters. I know that I'm a good person."

He's extremely close to his family and "crazy" about younger sister Sarah's 10-year-old daughter, Honey - "the apple of all our eyes". But will he settle down?

Gary's last serious relationship was "nearly 10 years ago" and he's certainly not proud of past indiscretions.

"It's behaviour that I'm still ashamed of," he says. "If I could go back, I wouldn't have cheated on girlfriends."

His Snow Patrol colleague Johnny has clearly settled. Will Gary be attending his forthcoming wedding to actress and former Friends star Courteney Cox in Malibu later in the summer?

"If I'm invited," he says, adding: "Courteney's lovely". Incidentally, the long gap between Fallen Empires and Wildness had nothing to do with writer's block, as some Snow Patrol fans may have feared.

"I was writing with other people and for films and TV," Gary says. "But when it came to Snow Patrol, and it was about my life, I didn't have anything to say - or maybe I was scared of saying it."

In the end, he wrote a staggering 600 songs for the album. Only 10 made the cut.

They include Soon, about his 80-year-old father's battle with dementia, and A Youth Written in Fire, which deals with "alcoholism and recovery".

Wildness could well propel Gary and Snow Patrol back into the music stratosphere but, for him, few highs could match the Ward Park homecoming concerts of 2007 and 2010.

"2010 was the biggest gig ever in Northern Ireland... and still is," he says proudly.

"To play in our own back garden, so to speak, where I played football as a kid and where Jonny Quinn learned how to ride a bike was an extraordinary thing."

Don't bet against a similar gig next year for Snow Patrol's 25th anniversary.

Gary admits he's already planning "some big shows for the 25th year" and then another album. The fans' patience is about to be rewarded.

Belfast Telegraph

#gary lightbody #snow patrol #wildness #article

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alexmorrall · 4 years ago

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Out on the Waves in the Night

The night was a thick, hazy black, stars shrouded in darkness. An iron screw steam ship crossed the roiling seas, a white sliver on a plane locked in motion. The crew clung to their bunks for some sense of peace, but the walls kept moving. Its floor rattled in protest as Poseidon did his best to make an appearance. Trying desperately to poke through, the watery king of old drove his spear against the ship’s belly. A young woman of eighteen laid on the cargo hold floor. Every minute or so, Caroline’s head was knocked by swells. She ached, stung and sore, but she did not move. It was deserved, God willed her pain. Setting her neck against the floor beneath and biding her time, she took each blow, dreaming of a safe place.

White sands stretched out before her, caressed by equatorial rays. Her toes found respite beneath the sun-roasted surface. She turned over, her fiancé lying close. Neil’s breathing was slow and relaxed as he gazed up, bowler hat over his eyes. As she laid her fingertips on his skin, she felt his heat inside. Wanting nothing more than for this to last forever, she sighed, lying back. Their time together in the sun melted away as he rose, shaking off the sand. He adjusted his hat, before striding away across the beach. Rising heat boiled the white plain as he walked away, fading into the jungle.

Enraptured in the ever-present aura of warmth, her mind looked back and inward. She saw herself as a child of four, playing in a sandbox. When she viewed her future, she never envisioned lying on a beach in Fiji. She saw herself as a cowgirl roaming the saloons for bandits, a revolver on both hips. With small hands, she built an Old West town. She walked its streets with undaunted swagger. A cowgirl in the sand, she marveled at the monument of her dreams, until a gust of wind swept through. In an instant, hours of work reduced to a few random clusters of sand.

Woken from her reverie, she heard languid footsteps growing nearer. Resuming occupation of a severely sun-burnt body at the waters’ edge, she peered up at Neil. He had emerged from a shady grove that stood over freshwater streams emptying into the Pacific.

“Darling, I found the most remarkable crab. He had more colors than the sun, and the flowers here! They are magnificent, not to mention the palms, so many varieties…”

He had captured the flora and fauna with his Eastman Kodak, which he packed up. Deeply proud of his photographs, and the newly purchased camera, he too hoped to hold onto this forever. This was the vacation they’d scrimped, saved and longed for. Caroline had seen his pictures, all black and white and grainy. It would retain nothing of the trip’s true beauty, its legacy lost to time.

It would all be over too soon, and their carefully laid plans erased. She remembered the Ford they’d rented on the road to Paradise outside Glenorchy. It chugged up the cliffside for a rainbow glimpse, spilling over a lakeside waterfall. Alas it was but a mere vision, taking up a brief second in their lives.

The memory-laden camera fell into his hat as he dropped it into the sand. Taking her in his arms, he kissed her neck, which stung with burns. She groaned, which he mistook for arousal.

“I’m burnt to a crisp. I need to get inside, and some aloe on my skin.” They picked up the towel, the hat with the camera in it, and went on their way back to the resort.

It drifted into the recesses of her buffeted brain as another wave rocked the steam-powered vessel. A scuffling sound from a shadow in the ship’s belly made her peer to the left. Glad to focus on something beyond memory, she locked eyes with a bright-eyed boy. His hair was jet black, skin a deep chestnut and eyes shone a disarming blue. He sat small as a mouse, silent as one too. His eyes, like sapphires in the night, begged recognition.

“Where did you come from?” she asked, “I didn’t see you when I came down.”

“I snuck in from the sea,” he yawned, stretching bronze legs. He wore green trunks. “There’s a hole in this ship, don’t you know? There is with most things.”

“What do you mean?”

“Things don’t always add up. There’s always something you can’t account for, something that can’t be controlled. Something always gets lost or doesn’t turn out the way you expect. How does one explain a lost stocking in the wash?”

“Is that what you are? You’re nothing more than a lost stocking in the wash?”

“Aren’t we all?” he chuckled.

“What’s your name?”

“Geoff. What’s yours?”

“Caroline. It’s nice to meet you, Geoff. How old are you?”

“Six.”

“Six? You look at least ten. Are you a Fijian?”

“My father is. My mother is French.”

Caroline recalled Neil’s promise they would honeymoon in Paris. They laid out their futures so precisely. After making love in a Rotorua hot spring, they decided to name their first son after her father. That would bring him back into her life, she told herself. She always wanted to make him happy, but she knew he wanted a son. A grandson could have sufficed but not now. The thought made her bite back her tears.

“Oh,” Caroline swallowed, bleary-eyed, “how did they meet?”

“My mother was on vacation here. She hiked to a waterfall one day and my father was her guide. He told her of his life, growing up in Fiji, and she fell in love. My mother decided to stay in Fiji, sharing the shelter of his single bed. She’s the one who taught me proper English, but that’s enough about me. Everyone onboard is Fijian merchant marine. Who are you?”

“My name is Caroline. I’m from Auckland.”

“The City of Sails! Is that where we’re going?”

“Why, yes. Shouldn’t you know? Well, my fiancé and I came to Fiji after he came into inheritance. Then… the only way back to New Zealand on such short notice was on this old cargo ship.”

“This isn’t just any old ship. It’s haunted.”

Caroline remembered a dream from an afternoon long ago, sitting in her grandmother’s attic. A haze of musk hung over cedar boxes filled with books from the nineteenth century. Each yellowed page was a relic to her, as she inhaled the scent of forgotten knowledge. In the dark corners of the attic, a creaking sound resonated, carrying along the walls and causing her to lift her eyes to follow its passage. Puffs of sawdust leaked through the walls. Caroline broke into a coughing fit. When she opened her eyes, she saw yellow handprints spreading across the walls. Spreading from the far wall, they inched their way until the attic became a prison of light.

She hadn’t eaten much then, and she wasn’t eating now, not since the accident.

“Is that right?” Caroline shivered in the hold of the ship. “There are ghosts on board?”

“They are all around,” Geoff whispered, eyes darting left and right.

“I came here with my fiancé, hoping to add memories to the life we were planning, and now he’s dead. Maybe his ghost is here too.”

“What happened to your beau?”

“We canoed beyond the reef, and he broke the blade of his oar. It started to sink, and he reached for it. He… fell into the ocean.” Caroline paused, her eyes watery green now.

“The people at the resort told us to never go beyond the reef, and he learned why. The undertow carried him out. I watched him go. There was nothing I could do.”

“You couldn’t reach him with your canoe in time?”

“I… didn’t try. It was horrible. He was gone so fast. He was too big. He would have pulled me in with him. Then we both would have drowned.”

“That is very sad. I am sorry,” Geoff nodded silently, his black hair bobbing in the dark. “How long will it be until you love again?”

“I do not know… I still feel the pain. I must feel it. You were right, it was my fault. I let him die. I’ve been punishing myself but its right. I need to suffer.”

A loud crash was heard from above and Caroline looked up to see the Fijian captain descending a ladder.

“We’re going to make it,” he said, “the storm has passed.”

She turned back to the shadows and looked for Geoff, but he had vanished.

“Geoff?” she called into the darkness. “Geoff, are you there?”

“Who is this Geoff now?” asked the captain. He carried a bowl of stew, nearly dropping it as the ship rolled. “Is there someone else down here?”

“Yes, isn’t there a boy of six named Geoff on this ship?”

“No, there’s no boy named Geoff,” the captain frowned, offering her the stew. “Now, you should eat. You’ve not eaten since we picked you up in Suva three days ago.”

“My fiancée is dead. I cannot eat. Now, Geoff, I did see him, I know it.”

“Perhaps you were dreaming. How anyone could sleep right now, I cannot say.”

“But I told him everything. It must have been real.”

“I have seen the limits of the Pacific, the greatest expanse on earth,” the captain began. “I have seen the glory of this world, and I know if you can see it in your mind, it already exists. We humans live more in our minds than in flesh. Out on the waves, I dream much. I’ve come to think dreams are just as real as waking life. I’ve never felt more than in a dream. Who is to say we are more real than they?”

“I’ve had enough dreaming, good captain,” Caroline sighed. “I’ll sleep now. When we return to Auckland, I’ve got some letters to write. I’ll have to write Neil’s mother, inform her of his passing. It will break her heart, but I will make it up to her. Perhaps it is for the best. I always liked his brother better.”

“Let’s start with dinner,” said the captain, handing her the stew. This time, she took it.

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ladyloveandjustice · 7 years ago

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Summer 2017 Anime Overview: Made in Abyss

With this post, I will finish off my overview of the Summer 2017 anime season.

In my previous posts, I discussed what I considered to be the weakest anime I watched, then the middling anime, then some Really Good anime....and with my last post, I discussed one of the best anime I watched this season, Princess Principal.

Now here’s what I consider to be the other best anime of the season:

Made in Abyss

Made in Abyss takes place in a town whose way of life revolves around a mysterous abyss. The abyss has several levels, full of incredible creatures and properties, and only the best explorers can go deep into the abyss and live- and those who go all the way to the bottom are unable to come back to the surface ever again.

A young girl named Riko is an explorer in training fascinated with the abyss. She’s eager to follow in the footsteps of her mother, a top-ranked explorer who has been missing in the abyss for a long time. She discovers a robot boy named Reg, who came from the abyss but has no memory of it. Together, they decide to journey into the abyss to find Riko’s mother and discover Reg’s origins.

Hoo boy. Okay, so this show is very, very good. But do NOT let the cutesy art style fool you. IT IS DARK. and brutal. and bloody. It will absolutely not be for everyone. There’s a ton of shit to warn for. But for some of you, the positives will way outweigh that.

Made in Abyss is a show that just really blows me away with its world building. If you want intricate and gorgeous fantasy worlds (that are still terrifying and full of gritty danger), man does this deliver. Each layer of the abyss has so many rules and scary pitfalls, there is SUCH a variety of creatures and technology and the world and society Riko comes from is so well thought out in general- it’s detailed world building on the level I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do as a writer. Add a gorgeous soundtrack and breathtaking animation, and you’ve got yourself a masterpiece.

And that’s not even getting into the characters. Riko is an incredible and inspiring protagonist. The sheer force of curiosity and willpower is overwhelming. She idolizes her mother and is determined to follow in her mother’s footsteps

She’s drawn to the abyss and as the story goes on, her connection just gets more and more complicated. She’s very smart and scrappy and is an observer, a scientist, and an explorer. She’s cautious and reckless at the same time, and her drive to succeed is almost scary. She’s also very blunt and ill-mannered and doesn’t have much in the way of boundaries. She’s willing to undergo any trial and endure ANYTHING to complete her goal. Definitely one of the toughest ten year olds in all of fiction.

I also really like that she’s the product of a mother-daughter legacy. She’s driven to both meet and be like her mom, who was one of the top explorers of all time- she was called “Lyza the Annihilator”. Riko’s dad (a lower-ranked explorer) died when she was young and is very incidental to the narrative and her mother left her in the care of others so she could go on a journey in the abyss.

This REALLY excites me, because it kind of narrative is always a father-son narrative. The Absent Parent Who Left to Go on a Journey/Do Something Important and the other Parent Who is Just Dead- in most narratives the former is the dad and the latter is the mom. Men are the ones who get to abandon parenthood and do world-saving/cool explorer shit that’s relevant to the plot, women are the parents who just end up dying. See FMA, HXH, like almost any shonen, really. There’s a reason if a dad is absent he’s typically doing Plot Relevant things and if a mom’s absent she’s dead- women are expected to nurture, men can do other things.

But no, for once it’s the woman who’s the important and active source of mystery. And this time, it’s a young girl who’s determined to partake in the adventure and find out about her missing parent, and what’s more, she wants to live up to her. It’s a serious mother-daughter legacy story, and anyone who follows me knows how excited I get over those rare, rare stories.

And the mystery surrounding Riko’s mom is HUGE. in the middle of it all is Reg the robot boy. Reg’s also a great character, and despite being a super strong robot, he comes across realistically as a struggling, vulnerable child. it’s easy to feel for him.

As a super-strong robot, Reg tends to do most of the fighting and stuff and there’s an emphasis on he feels a need to physically protect Riko- however, I think that’s balanced out by the fact he also wouldn’t survive if it weren’t for Riko’s strategy and direction. Riko is basically Reg’s battlemaster. Plus-there’s plenty of physically strong women in the show- Reg’s greatest challenge is a very terrifying, morally ambiguous woman and Lyza is implied to be a hyper-competent fighter too. Riko’s age and human vulnerability seem to be why she need protection than her gender, within the context of the show’s world. Riko is definitely scrappy and willing to step up to fight as well, and I have no doubt she’ll grow a lot as the story goes on.

Also, as a child, Reg quickly finds out it’s pretty impossible to protect Riko and himself on his own. Which is where the third protagonist, Nanachi comes in. Nanachi doesn’t come in until the end of the show, and it’s hard to discuss them without spoilers, but they’re an interesting character- smart, competent, loveable and with one hell of a backstory. They are also an intentionally gender-neutral/agender character, which is nice. There’s also another character with an ambiguous gender identity in the show, and they’re hecka cute.

The world of Made in Abyss is a vibrant and full one, full of intrigue and many incredible surprises and mystery upon mystery. But it’s also an incredibly brutal world. The show makes it clear from the beginning the Abyss is a harrowing place full of dangers, and the show REALLY doesn’t let you forget it. There’s an episode of the show- and everyone who watches it knows what i’m talking about- that is so incredibly disturbing, both in the sense of uncomfortable-to-watch gory body horror and general emotional discomfort- that I actually had to cover my eyes a few times. It is rough.

And every indication is that things are going to get worse rather than better on that front. Nanachi’s backstory in particular is both horrifying and heartwrenching. It’s brutal and bloody and I nearly teared up.

I wouldn’t blame someone who considered Made in Abyss torture porn, because it is very intense suffering shown very rawly, and especially uncomfortable because it happens to children.

However, it doesn’t quite feel like torture porn to me and I’m not sure why. Maybe because there’s always a sense of hope that a lot of torture porn lacks. Maybe because there’s kind of a focus on the harshness of nature that the brutality seems to go with it.The show definitely wants you to be horrified and feel things, but it seems like part of journey rather than suffering for the sake of it. The character’s determination and struggles seem to be at the center of the suffering.

And the suffering is never so much and so relentless that I give up hope or stop caring about the characters, which are problems i ran into with narratives like Game of Thrones or Attack on Titan. I still care about these kids and feel they can come out of this journey scarred but stronger. That may change later in the narrative, but that’s the sense I get so far. The gorgerous, intriguing elements of the show balance out the pain and darkness for me right now.

However, that’s not going to be the case for everyone. What constitutes torture porn is a very ymmv thing. So someone sensitive to that absolutely should not watch this show, I cannot overstate how hard it can be to watch.

Another big thing to warn for with the show is some unfortunate fetishistic undertones with the young cast. The characters tend to end up naked every few episodes- and while it’s not framed lasciviously and seems to go with the brutal natrualism of the world, when it’s coupled with enough uncomfortable running things it becomes a bit suspect.

One running bit is an element of sexual humiliation with these young characters-specifically with Reg it’s noted several times that he does has a penis despite being a robot- the first time it’s mentioned is in the context of Riko examining him, where she blithely mentions stripping him, seeing it and testing whether it would break- this seemed to be a bit of a character note highlighting Riko’s naivety in her lack of understanding of boundaries and sex stuff and how she views things in a rather detached and scientific way. But it got downright inexcusable when an ADULT character who should know better checked whether Reg had one and humiliated him, which was done as a matter of fact lighthearted thing, despite being pedophilic sexual assault. Alongside this there’s this running idea that the main punishment in the orphanage Riko comes from is being “strung up naked”.

There also a few times sexual elements are introduced among the young characters- a hot springs scene where riko reacts with confusion to Reg apparently getting a boner at the sight of her naked, or one where Reg mistakes Nanachi taking off Riko’s clothes to operate on her as something sexual. These moments are hugely uncomfortable to watch considering the characters age, and there’s no reason they should really be included- while again, the moments aren’t constant and aren’t framed lasciviously, the fact they exist makes nudity that would otherwise have just struck me as incidental seem suspicious.

For me, it’s mostly ignorable- other than the hot springs scene and the inexcusable bit with the adult and Reg it honestly would have gone completely over my head- but it’s something to watch out for. Other people have also pointed out some other potentially fetishistic stuff that again, went completely over my naive head (i really often forget piss fetishes even exist). I think how blatant the whole thing is is really ymmv, but yeah, defintely something I have to mention, especially since it involves potential pedophilia.

It has some major bumps, but Made in Abyss is honestly a robust, beautiful, fascinating story I wouldn’t hesitate to call a masterwork. The visuals, the characters, the soundtrack, the worldbuilding, the details- it’s stunning. It’s not among one of the stories that has carved out an official place in my heart yet, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it really did just click with me as it went on. I can’t wait to see more of it, and if you think you can stand the elements I mentioned earlier, I encourage you to give it a shot.

#made in abyss #anime overview #summer 2017 anime #riko made in abyss #reg made in abyss #nanachi #riko #reg #lyza the annihilator

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