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ahockeywrites · 4 years ago

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Baby, I’m Yours

Warnings: Pregnancy, children, explicit female reader

Matthew lifted up your knuckles to his lips and pressed four kisses to them. One for each member of the family you had created. The first was for you, always. You were the first one who he knew he had loved. The second was for him. Some might think it was strange, but it was his reminder to you that he was a part of you. The third was for your eldest child, Jacob, as soon as your husband’s eyes looked at him, he was smitten. The fourth was for your unborn daughter who already had her father wrapped around her little finger. He couldn’t imagine loving a family any more.

He let his eyes wander down your sleeping body, slightly uncomfortable from the bump you had, and watched the light reflect off the rings that adorned your left hand and softly smiled to himself.

Watching you walk down the aisle of the church in St Louis, wearing a white dress that fitted you so perfectly was something he could never forget. The tears the two of you shared as you read your vows and the little giggles you made when he started explaining some of the reasons why he loved living with you, including the abundance of ice cream in the freezer and the random pieces of paper he would find around the house with notes written to yourself. He could never picture loving a family more than the one you had.

The cries of Jacob rang around the house, waking you up. Matthew gently caressed your shoulder and told you to keep sleeping. Having a rampant, curly headed 2 year old running around the house wasn’t how you expected your first few months of marriage to have gone, but you wouldn’t have changed it for the world. It was perfect for the two of you.

To say that your first pregnancy was a surprise would be an understatement. It wasn’t that the two of you were actively trying for a baby, especially because you were taking your pill at the same time everyday, but one morning you must have forgotten and around a month later, when you were on placebo, you noticed that your period hadn’t come. To begin with, you didn’t think anything of it but then certain smells that you used to love, suddenly you couldn’t stand. You texted your future mother-in-law, Chantal, because in her eyes you were already part of the family and anything you needed to talk about, you could talk to her about. She was initially confused and suggested you see a doctor but then it all clicked in her head. You were experiencing the same symptoms she had experienced with her three pregnancies.

Chantal was hesitant to mention it, especially as your engagement was very new, but the two of you had one of the strongest relationships she had ever seen and knew that this would not put a dent in the life you had planned together. As soon as she mentioned it, over a Facetime call because she refused to say it over text, everything was out of the window. It all made sense now, and the only thing left to do was to take a test.

They were the longest five minutes of your life. Waiting for the word to appear behind a small plastic window scared you more than anything else. You had the potential to be carrying a bundle of cells that would form into a baby. As you sat waiting, you let yourself picture the family that this baby, if there was one, would become a part of. The love of hockey would run deep and Matthew would probably have your child on the ice as soon as they could hold their own head up. It would be a family that would go to the ends of the earth for the simplest thing if they knew it would make one member happy.

The alarm sound on your phone started you out of your daydream. You allowed yourself to glance at the three tests you had taken. All three said the same word. Pregnant. It was like you had forgotten to breathe as you let out a sigh, of relief? Concern? You really weren’t sure. It wasn’t like Matthew had never mentioned kids, he had just never explicitly said when he wanted them. But then you remembered how he was with other people’s children, always making sure they were entertained and giving them his full attention. It always made you want kids with him, even early on in your relationship before he put the ring on your finger. You weren’t traditional by any means, but you always hoped you would go down the path of engagement, moving in together, marriage, children.

Now, you did move in with Matthew approximately 30 minutes before he proposed because he couldn’t hide the ring from you any longer than he needed to. But this wasn’t the same as a ring. With a ring, you had as much planning time before the wedding as you wanted. Finding out you were pregnant, it was a limited time until you had an addition to the family.

You didn’t know if 5 minutes or 5 hours had passed by the time Matthew arrived back from practice. You were still sitting on the bathroom floor with a glass of water by your side. He shouted a few times before popping his head into the bathroom where you meekly greeted him. You were usually so excited to see him after practice, especially when you had been working from home all day, but as soon as he saw your face he knew something was up. It was an expression he almost never saw, fear. “Matty, I’m scared,” you whispered, pointing at the tests you had taken.

He looked over to the counter by the sink and saw the tests. He let himself smile, he had always hoped this day would come, this might have been sooner than he had expected but it was something he wanted. “Why are you scared?” he asked, genuinely curious.

“I’m too young to be a mother, you’ve just signed a big dollar contact and don’t have time for a baby whilst being the face of a franchise and I don’t even know if you want this baby,” you let out, allowing the tears to flow. Matthew wrapped your body into his in a tight hug and allowed you to let your feelings out. He rubbed your back gently and you curled yourself into his chest.

“Baby,” he started, still allowing your tears to fall, “the ring on your finger means I’m not going anywhere, and the baby. The baby we’re gonna welcome to the family soon, I am so excited to meet them, you wouldn’t believe it.” Matthew began tearing up at that and you were able to let out a little giggle. It was something the general public never got to see, the instigator of many fights letting out his emotions in a different way.

“Just can’t believe we’re expecting,” you exclaimed.

“Whatever worries you have about this, I’m gonna be here for the two of you,” Matt reminded you. He was always by your side even when you didn’t expect him to be. “Say the words, I’ll be here physically for you.” You let yourself smile, the first one since finding out you were expecting.

The first few months of your pregnancy weren’t as bad as you had expected. Yes, you did have your head in the toilet more often than you would like and turning down a glass of wine at events was difficult but Matthew was always there beside you and you couldn’t thank him more. It was also a challenge to keep Matthew’s big mouth shut around other people, both of your families knew the news but you kinda wanted to keep it to as few people as possible. He tried his best, but there was only so long he could keep it a secret before blurting it out to everyone.

The boys in the locker room had noticed something was up with him before he even mentioned it. He was heading home earlier on nights out, whenever the two of you were together he had to have some form of physical contact with you and he had stopped drinking anything alcoholic. He also got himself in less fights and was less physical on the ice. Many of the boys had asked him why he had been changing his habits and his response was always the same, “I’m getting prepared to become a family man, with the wedding planning and all that, I want Y/N to know I’m serious about settling down.”

Matthew eventually shared the news with the team after a strong win over Edmonton. Everyone, even the married boys were heading out but he knew you would already be half asleep after the game. Elias kept pestering him to come out and he finally snapped, “I would love to spend more time in your company, but some of us have pregnant fiance’s to go home to!” His eyes widened as soon as he said that, knowing that you wanted to keep it quiet. The entire locker room erupted in cheers but all he could think of was your face and how disappointed you would be when he explained that he just wanted to come home to you.

He rushed home, expecting you not to have heard congratulations from the other girls, but your phone blew up as soon as they found out. Did he really expect his teammates not to share this news with their other halves? You were surprised, it had taken him until you were 20 weeks pregnant for him to share the news with the team, you remembered that you now owed Taryn money as she had bet $50 that it would be after 18 weeks and you said before 18 weeks.

Matthew ran into the house, panting, to see you sitting on the couch with a large bowl of buttery popcorn on your lap. It looked so normal to him and he didn’t want to disappoint you. However, you knew better. “Matty, I got loads of texts in the girls’ group chat today,” you started, watching his face drop, “and they were congratulating us? I even got one from Johnny saying, and I quote ‘didn’t know Matt’s sperm was that good’. Anything you want to say?” You really tried to play bad cop but you couldn’t so you burst out laughing.

Matthew sighed, knowing that he should have expected this from you. He walked over to the couch and just dropped into your arms, being careful of the bump you were showing. You both relaxed into the cuddle and suddenly all the worries you had ever felt about being pregnant were gone. You were so comfortable that you ended up falling asleep.

It can’t have been more than an hour after you had fallen asleep, but you were woken up by the sounds of someone whispering. “Heya there buddy, your mom and I are so excited to meet you. I can’t wait to hold you in my arms and make you the happiest kid in the world. I don’t think momma wants you on the ice soon, but as soon as she says it’s okay, I’m gonna bring you with uncle Brady and auntie Taryn and we’re gonna have so much fun together,” Matt was whispering because he didn’t want to wake you up but you sniffling and trying to hold back the tears was more than enough to let him know you were awake.

“You okay there Y/N?” Matt asked, concerned that he had gone too far talking to the bump. He was always so respectful when it came to touching the bump and towards you in general.

“I’m, I’m just so happy,” you exclaimed. “We have a beautiful house, and we’re expecting a baby. I just didn’t think I’d be waking up from a nap to you talking to the baby. I promise, these are happy tears.” Matthew smiled at you and you just knew at that moment this wouldn’t be the only baby you had together.

And you were right, almost as soon as Jacob met the world, your fiance wanted another one. You swiftly reminded him that you had just pushed his son out and just had stitches down there and weren’t even thinking about sex. The sight of Matthew with his son resting on his chest was something you were never able to get used to.

Matthew looked at you in your hospital gown, sweat still dripping from your forehead, hair splayed everywhere and thought you were the sexiest woman alive. The pain you had gone through, just to give him a child was something he could never repay you for. “Baby,” he spoke quietly, “get some rest, we’ll be here when you get back.” You listened to him and allowed yourself to sleep, even if it was only for a short while.

The second pregnancy was not planned either and the two of you found out together, in St Louis. You had both returned there to have your final fittings before the wedding, which was about a month out. The room in the back of the bridal boutique was beautiful and you allowed yourself to take it in for one last time before the wedding. Chantal and Taryn were there gushing over how beautiful you looked, even without the fancy hair and makeup.

“Matt’s not gonna know what hit him,” Taryn giggled. You smiled softly, looking at yourself in the mirror. The dress clung to your curves perfectly, the lace along the arms was delicate and the skirt made you feel like a Disney Princess. But you couldn’t shake the ick you had been feeling all day, to begin with you had put it down to nerves with this being your final fitting and Matthew, Brady, Jacob and Keith being left to their own devices at the tailors. The feeling didn’t go when you arrived back at the Tkachuk residence for dinner either.

You excused yourself from helping with dinner, telling Chantal that you needed to finalise something with your maid of honour which she understood. As you made it to your room, you instantly realised you needed to find a toilet quickly, luckily you had one attached to the bedroom. You let yourself empty the contents of your stomach and quickly found your phone. It took a few moments to find the app you needed, white with red overlapping circles. 40 days without a period. It couldn’t be, not this close to the wedding. You had to text Matthew and get him to make a stop on the way home.

You: This is gonna sound very weird, but could you go to the drugstore on your way back?x

Matty: Sure, what do you need? Pads? Tampons?x

Of course, you thought, the only time you asked him to go to the drugstore was to get things for your period. Sighing softly, you replied.

You: Actually, could you grab a few pregnancy tests?x

Matty: Oh shit, you think again?x

You: Yeah, just had my head in the toilet and apparently I haven’t had a period for almost 6 weeks. Grab some things for Jacob in there too in case Brady wants to be nosy x

Matty: Ofc baby, we’re gonna leave soon so I’ll see you then. Keep drinking water, you know my mom will do anything for you x

Matthew let out an audible sigh, the two of you weren’t going at it like rabbits like before Jacob was born but you were both being careful making sure you used protection every time. He racked his brain to try and remember where the two of you were 6 weeks ago, Florida. It hit him like a ton of bricks, Jacob had stayed at home with Keith and Chantal, who wanted you two to have a holiday in the summer because the honeymoon planned involved Jacob. The infinity pool and hot tub were too tempting for you not to get intimate in. He remembered the moans you made as he rolled his hips into yours, the scratches left on your back and hips, the bruises that littered your collarbones. He allowed himself to get lost in the memory for just a few moments before exiting the dressing room to see Jacob giggling in Brady’s arms.

Running, as much as he could in his suit, towards Jacob, Matthew picked up his son and spun him around a few times. He imagined what it would be like if the two of you had another kid. Another curly haired, energetic person in the house. To him, it sounded like heaven but he was never going to force you into something you didn’t want. He must have zoned out for a few too many moments because Keith had to shake him out of his daydream, asking if he was okay. All he could do was respond with a hesitant nod.

“We good to stop by a drugstore on the way back? Y/N wanted me to grab a few things for this little man here,” Matthew said whilst tickling Jacob lightly. Both Brady and Keith gave him a funny look, they were both sure that anything Jacob needed was already at the house but let him have his way. It was only 5 minutes out of the way, so it couldn’t be too bad.

Well, it wouldn’t have been that bad if Matthew knew his way around a drugstore. He found himself down the shampoo and conditioner aisle more times than he would like to admit to anyone but you. Eventually, he had picked up some extra diapers for Jacob and the pregnancy tests. He debated picking up some prenatal vitamins but knew that it could be taken the wrong way, especially if you weren’t pregnant. He also ignored the strange looks he got from the cashier but knew that he needed the things to be bagged quickly.

Matthew tumbled back into the car, next to Jacob, and started making faces at the young boy. He was careful to make sure that the bag didn’t get too close to Brady because he just knew that he would rummage through the bag to find out the real reason why he had gone to the drugstore, more to confirm his and Keith’s suspicions. It was always a when would Y/N and Matthew have another one, not if, and they knew Matthew well. He would never pass up an opportunity to spend time with you in more ways than one.

Chantal also had her suspicions something was up, you weren’t as energetic as usual when it came to family games outside and the slight concern on your face in the boutique made her a bit worried. She hoped that you weren’t getting cold feet and planning how to get out of your own wedding. She gave you a smile as you came down the stairs back into the kitchen and opened her arms to invite you in for a hug. “How close to the wedding can we get the dress altered?” you asked, sniffling.

As you pulled back from the hug, she gave you a knowing look. “Matt’s coming back with tests, I’ll take them before dinner,” you let out. She pulled you back in for another hug and rubbed your back. Chantal always made you feel loved and was a second mother to you, she had the motherly senses you wished you could learn.

“The dress can be altered whenever you need love,” she spoke softly, “but we need to know if you are first, no stress under this roof. Go back upstairs and rest until the boys are back”

If Matthew entering the car was amusing, him leaving it was a whole new level of funny. First, he struggled to open the door, second, he left his son for Brady and Keith to look after and third, he kept using the wrong key to open the front door. When he finally entered the house, his mother looked at him sternly. “She’s upstairs, waiting for you, I’ll keep the other boys busy,” Chantal spoke. Nodding meekly, he ran up the stairs to find you laying on the bed. He gently tapped your shoulder to let you know that he was home and offered you his hand to walk to the bathroom.

These five minutes seemed longer than the first time, even with Matthew there to try and distract you. He told you that Jacob really enjoyed the ice cream they had before they went for the fitting and just how cute he’s gonna look in his tux for the wedding. This time it was Matthew’s alarm that went off and he looked at the results first. “I think we need to get another room ready back in Calgary,” he whispered, looking at you with all the love in his eyes.

“We’r- I’m pregnant?” you asked, you couldn’t believe it.

“We’re having another baby, baby,” he whisper-shouted. The smiles on your faces were huge, even if you had found out you were pregnant so close to the wedding, you wouldn’t have changed anything for the world. The three of you made a perfect family and the only way to make it more perfect was to add a child who was going to be the most loved person in the world. You pulled him in for a massive hug, you were 8ish months away from becoming a family of four.

It was almost impossible to hide the smiles the two of you were wearing as you walked down the stairs to the family room. “Got enough love to share with another Tkachuk? And not just the one that is going to become one in a month?” Matthew teased his mother. Chantal let out a small scream and ran over to hug the two of you. Another scream came from the patio outside and it belonged to Jacob.

“Clearly someone is excited to be a big brother, aren’t you,” you spoke as you walked outside to see Brady swinging Jacob around.

“Big brother?” Brady asked, slightly confused.

“I suppose, congratulations are in order for the two of you?” Keith questioned jokingly. He saw the sparkle in Matthew’s eyes whenever he had some news to tell about the two of you. It was there when he told them of the house, the engagement and the news about your first pregnancy.

“Yeah, found out about 10 minutes ago. There’s gonna be another little one around soon,” Matthew said with a massive smile. The embraces continued and this time you allowed Matthew to share the news a bit earlier, especially as the wedding was coming up and people would start asking questions about why the bride and groom weren’t drinking.

The day of the wedding came around much faster than you or Matthew had expected. Taryn made sure that Matthew was kept away from the house as the two of you were trying to keep some traditions. Chantal had made sure that you had stuck to the something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue and you kept reminding her that she didn’t need to see the something blue because it was underneath the dress.

Your maid of honour let out an audible snigger at this as she had been there to help you buy it, but she didn’t anticipate you being three months pregnant at the time of the wedding. You were very thankful for the heavy layer of foundation that graced your face, hiding your incredibly blushed cheeks. You had received multiple photos from Brady of Jacob causing havoc in their hotel room and it almost made you cry with happiness, and it wouldn’t be the first time that happened on this day.

Eventually, it was time for you to make your way to the doors of the church but first Taryn went to collect Jacob as he had the very important role of being ring bearer. His little legs had been carrying him around most of the day so Taryn agreed to carry him down the aisle as long as he kept the cushion very still to which he nodded excitedly. You looped arms with your father who gave you a smile and then the music began to play.

As soon as Brady heard the music start, he looked over his shoulder to see Taryn holding his nephew, who was trying to wriggle out of her arms. Brady giggled as his sister put Jacob down and allowed him to run to Brady. He picked him up and spun him around a few times, then settled him on his hip and allowed the bridesmaids to enter, followed by you.

“Matt, you are one lucky man,” Brady whispered into his ear as he had allowed himself to take a quick peek at you. Matthew tried to turn around to see you but Brady stopped him. You let out a little laugh at the exchange between the two brothers. It made you excited to be joining a family with so much love to give.

The altar was adorned with ivory and navy blue flowers and you couldn’t have imagined the day to be any better. Even when your dad whispered something to Matthew that you couldn’t hear, the slightly scared face he made just made you want to smile.

He took his time as he looked over you, one of the final times he would do that before you became a Tkachuk. “You are so beautiful, Y/N. You’re gonna make me the happiest man on earth,” he spoke softly, trying to hide the tears. The lace bodice allowed him to see the smallest of bumps that only someone who knew you were pregnant would notice.

“You don’t clean up too bad yourself Tkachuk,” you let out. His black tux and bow tie made him look like a godsend, and you already couldn’t wait to get him back to the hotel room. The parts between that and the vows moved much quicker than in the rehearsal.

“And now the vows, Matthew, if you could begin,” the vicar spoke softly.

“Y/N, where do I begin,” he said with a giggle. “I remember the day we met like it was yesterday. A little someone who may be the maid of honour was trying to get you to dance at one of the events we had, as you were working for one of the sponsors. Elias had tried flirting with you already in the evening, so let’s just say my hopes weren’t particularly high. But we ended up chatting for a bit, and I did go over to speak to you with the intention of flirting and then leaving but you were just too enticing to leave. Then, I somehow got your number and then the rest is history as they say.” You laughed, trying to hide the tears that would surely be falling soon.

“I remember the first note I found lying around your apartment. I had stayed over after a tough loss against Edmonton, and when I woke up in the morning you had left a post-it note on your pillow encouraging me to come into the kitchen for breakfast along with a very badly drawn picture of the two of us smiling,” he continued, smiling as the memory played through his head. “You were a mess in the kitchen, still are.” At that the entire congregation let out a laugh, “but you had pancakes, waffles, fruit salad, bacon and eggs covering the tiny island. It was at that moment I knew you were the one, at 2 months in.”

Matthew reached up to wipe away a tear, then spoke, “When I told my mom about you and your never ending love of ice cream before your first trip to St Louis, she just looked at me and asked if I knew. It couldn’t have been anyone else other than you. Y/N, I promise to always compliment the little drawings you do on post-it notes that live around the house. I promise to never come between you and the tub of ice cream in your hand after Jacob has gone to bed. I promise to always be by your side, through anything that may come our way.”

At this point, you were full on crying and Brady tried chirping you before you shut him down and he passed you a tissue and the vows you had prepared.

“And now Y/N, your vows,” the vicar said as he motioned for you to speak.

“I don’t really know how mine are going to live up to yours Matt, but I have to try,” you spoke. “Matthew, you caught my eye as soon as I walked into that ballroom that looked way too fancy for me to be in. I mean, it wasn’t hard to notice you seeing as the Flames thought a good marketing campaign would be sticking your face on almost every billboard in Calgary. When you came over to speak with me, I really hoped your on ice persona wasn’t your real life one. I am thankful to report, the on ice Matthew only comes out when he’s around Brady.” This made all the attendees roar with laughter and it gave you a chance to look into Matthew’s eyes. They were a bright blue, and were looking at you with such love, he ran his thumb over your knuckles as you started again.

“It must have been a few months after we started dating, I was going through my closet to find something,” you started laughing as you saw Matthew’s face. He knew exactly where this story was going, “I had been in contact with the loveliest almost brother-in-law that there is, and he had been so lovely to send me one of his jerseys as soon as he had found out that Matt hadn’t got me one yet. I just so happened to throw it onto my bed as I was looking for a denim jacket. And he just looked at me with the most confused face ever. He never realised that his parents spoke to Brady about his love life and that Brady can do things by himself. But, I find my jacket and we go out for the evening and I don’t think any more of it. But when I get back from work the next night, it’s gone and in its place is about 20 Calgary jerseys all with the number 19 on the back and a post-it note attached to one of them saying, ‘if you’re gonna wear a jersey with your future last name on it, make sure it’s the right team and number’.”

Most of the attendees hadn’t heard the story and now it seemed like one that they would never forget. “Matthew, I promise to only wear your jersey to games, even when you’re playing against Brady and the number seven seems like a better choice,” you said. Matthew rolled his eyes, but allowed you to continue. “I promise to always order an extra portion of spring rolls whenever we order Chinese food because you like eating them cold the next morning. And most of all, I promise to never leave your side, from the good times to the bad. I’m gonna be here for you.”

You looked over to see your mother wiping the tears from her eyes, and your father was trying to keep a strong exterior but as soon as you caught his eyes, the smallest tear fell. It wasn’t like Chantal and Keith were doing any better. Keith was onto his second pack of tissues and Chantal was thankful that there was a decent enough time between the service and the reception to redo her makeup because there was no way that she hadn’t smudged some of it with all of the tears that had been rolling down her face.

“Thank you, both of you,” the vicar continued, “and now, if the couple could join hands.” You two did as he suggested because today was not the day to get in the vicar’s bad books. “Now, by the power invested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife. Matthew, you may now kiss your wife,” it took Matthew all of zero seconds to press his lips to yours and invite you in for a passionate kiss, one that might have been considered to be too passionate to be shared in a church.

“Mrs Tkachuk has a nice ring to it eh,” Matthew said before pressing his lips against yours again.

All you wanted to do was sit down with a glass of wine and your husband, but bridal duties and pregnancy meant you could do none of those things. You had greeted all your guests with a feeble glass of water in your hands rather than the wine you craved so dearly. The looks the guests had given you were of confusion because to them, it made sense for the bride to get plastered drunk, but there you were as sober as you were the morning you woke up. But rather than drunk on alcohol, you were drunk on love. The love that Matthew showed you, Jacob and the tiny bump you had showing. The love that all both of your families and all of your friends showed by coming to your wedding.

You had the opportunity to sit down properly for all of five minutes before Brady and your maid of honour stole the microphone to announce that it was time for your first dance as a married couple. Matthew stood up first and offered you his hand to help you up, he already knew that your feet were aching just from the sheer amount of time you had spent on them during the day. You sent him a thankful smile and made your way to the dance floor.

Both of your husband’s arms went around your waist and your arms wrapped around his neck and you allowed your head to rest on his shoulder, trying to not to transfer too much makeup across to his white shirt. “You know, it’s crazy how many Tkachuk’s we’ve welcomed to the world in the past two years and how there’s gonna be another one soon,” Matthew said softly.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” you spoke, leaning in to give him a sweet kiss. Once the song had finished, the two of you excused yourself from the events hall and made your way to the room where you had gotten ready for the reception. You flung your shoes across the room and very gracefully flopped onto the sofa that was in the room.

“You know, you don’t want to get a crease in that dress,” Matthew laughed. You shot him a stern look then pulled him down by his collar to lay on top of you.

“And you didn’t want to crease your shirt either but I think carrying Jacob did it for you,” you whispered and then passionately pressed your lips against his. His tongue swept along your bottom lip and you granted him entrance. You pulled back, “they’re gonna notice if we’re gone for too long you know,” you taunted him, knowing that he couldn’t keep his hands off of you.

“And you think I care because?” he taunted back, “uncle Brady and auntie Taryn are doing a great job looking after Jacob, isn’t it time I looked after my wife?” You rolled your eyes and kissed him again.

You had to check your hair in the mirror before you left and reminded Matthew that he might want to put his now untied bowtie back on otherwise people might suspect something. He just flat out told you that it had been half an hour, what else would a newly wed couple be doing. Just before you opened the door to reenter the function room, Matt wrapped his arms around your stomach from behind. “I can’t wait to meet the little one,” he exclaimed as he pressed a soft kiss to your temple.

“Neither can I Matt, neither can I.”

#ahockeywrites #Matthew Tkachuk #flames19 #hockey imagine #nhl fic #hockey fic #nhl imagine

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onyxiana-is-obsessed · 4 years ago

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To Fall for the King | Izuku Midoriya x Reader

AN: Hello! This is another discord prompt! This month was a Royal AU and I had so much fun writing this! This is MY LONGEST FIC! I’m proud! Also, I got inspiration from the otome game Midnight Cinderella from Louis’ after story route and Byron’s main story. There are no spoilers through!

Length: 10.2k

Summary: You are first born royal of (k/n) and king Izuku from Toral has proposed to you. The marriage is simply to unite your two kingdoms but not long after, you find yourself falling for the stoic king.

Warning??? Izuku is OOC BUT based on the story it would be normal! Enjoy!!

“With this marriage, we have united both (k/n) and Toral!” At the words of your father, the crowd burst into a loud cheer, which was almost deafening. It was enough to bury your sorrow deep down as you looked upon the loyal citizens of your kingdoms. Your eyes glanced at the man next to you- your husband- but he was looking straight ahead with a fake smile, waving at everyone.

Izuku Midoriya was the current king of Toral and had been since his father passed away and his mother stepped down. Before the passing of the late king, they had approached (k/n) with a proposal, one you didn’t like from the beginning. They wanted a marriage to create an alliance between your kingdoms. Your parents were on board but hadn’t confirmed anything without asking you.

You didn’t want to marry Izuku, you’d barely known him and your parents were all for it… except you had no one else. Being a (princess/prince) who would succeed the throne kept you busy, you were learning the ins and outs of becoming (queen/king). Busy enough that you never had a chance to fall in love on your own.

Toral was a very powerful kingdom, with a strong army and an amazing, thriving economy. You hated the idea of marrying Izuku for the sole purposes of uniting kingdoms… but it’s not like you had anyone else waiting for you. In fact, you were getting older and hadn’t had the opportunity to fall in love. Toral would’ve made a great ally and that was your reasoning for what you did. You accepted the proposal, ready to marry Izuku for your kingdom. For your people.

The thing was, he was just as busy as you. Your families had set up a date for you… but sadly king Hisashi passed away before you could. Toral had to grieve and move on extremely quickly, meaning Izuku had to take the throne. Queen Inko kept her throne up until the marriage. One day prior to it, Izuku was crowned king of Toral and queen Inko stepped down, making room for you.

Here you stood, minutes after your wedding, looking down at all people from both kingdoms. They looked so happy and you wished you could feel even an ounce of that happiness. Tears threatened to fall from your beautiful (e/c) eyes, tears that could easily be mistaken for tears of joy. Like Izuku, you forced a smile on your face and waved to the adorning crowd. One stray tear slid down, however, no matter how hard you wished to keep it in.

***

You sat on the bed, looking down at your hands in your lap as the tears dripped down your cheeks. You were currently in your new bedroom in your temporary home. Your parents still reigned over your country, which made you move away with Izuku to his, since he was king there. In a few weeks, you’d be crowned (king/queen) and your kingdoms would unite with a new castle being created in the middle of both territories. That would be your permanent home.

This was supposed to be the happiest day of your life. You were supposed to be jumping for joy… yet here you sat in your wedding (dress/suit) crying your eyes out as the sorrowful atmosphere got thicker. From the day you were born, you were taught this was normal. This WAS the norm for royalty, often to unite kingdoms. But that didn’t mean you were happy about it. After all that happened today, you could no longer keep up the facade.

Right now was your honeymoon night and thankfully, Izuku was called away for business. Which both of you were happy for. Izuku was… hard to read. He was quiet, he didn’t look at you often, and he didn’t really express many emotions either. This was the curse of royalty, something your parents steered you away from. Becoming a stone statue, giving up your wants for the needs of your people.

You’d heard rumors that Izuku had fallen in love with a beautiful princess- some say she was a commoner- however, because of (k/n), he was forced to abandon her. The thought made your heart ache. You couldn’t imagine the pain he must’ve gone through, assuming the rumors were true. Of course, the only way to confirm the rumors was to ask him, but you just… couldn’t. You barely talked, even in a professional setting. How could you ask such a sensitive question?

You stood from your spot on the bed and walked towards the balcony. You opened the doors and stepped out, the cool breeze helped your hot face. Your eyes looked up at the sea of stars before looking down at the kingdom. You could see the beautiful lights and if you paid attention, you could hear the celebration of the united kingdoms.

You had 3 days to get acquainted with the castle before you were going to start on your duties to become (king/queen). Currently, your title was still (princess/prince) but once you’d learned the adequate knowledge about Toral, as Izuku would about (k/n), you would be able to become (king/queen). A proud ruler next to Izuku.

Who was Izuku? You… didn’t know. Toral wasn’t a kingdom that was shrouded in mystery like some others were, but it’s royal family was. Not much was known about the Midoriya’s, however, there weren’t many negative rumors, which was a good sign. Your predicament remained, you were now married to a man you knew nothing about. Even though he wasn’t a tyrant, you didn’t feel safe.

How were you supposed to rule a kingdom with someone you don’t know? How were you supposed to wake up next to someone you don’t know? How were… how was this marriage supposed to work?

You didn’t even have your parents to rely on and it hurt. You were completely alone in this new kingdom and you only had three days to adjust to all of this. Three short days.

You could see your own kingdom in the distance. Well… you could see the lights, but that was it. You missed it and wished you could just… run away. Jump down from the balcony and run home, just like in the story books. This was reality, though, and something like that would never happen.

You jumped, almost letting out a scream when you felt something fall onto your shoulders. You quickly grabbed it and sighed in relief when you saw it was just a blanket. You looked to the side to see Izuku leaning against the balcony, looking ahead at his kingdom.

“Wh-what-“

“You’ll catch a cold if you stand out here without one.” He answered curtly, without even looking at you.

“Oh, thank you.” You said, pulling the blanket around your shoulders some more. You hadn't even noticed you were cold. A silence fell between you two, and it was one you didn’t like. He didn’t really bother to make much conversation and he wasn’t even looking at you.

You snuck a glance at him, taking in his features. He had a boyish face, with dark green hair that almost looked blue under the moonlight. His green eyes seemed to hold something you couldn’t decipher in them, but they were beautiful. He was… handsome, you had to admit. That was one good thing about this, at least your husband was attractive.

“Um…” you started, unsure of what to say. Izuku finally looked over at you, his eyes meeting yours. “What do you think about this? The m-marriage, I mean.”

“It’s an alliance.” He responded, before looking away again. That’s all? That’s all he could give you?

“I mean how do you feel about this?”

“There’s nothing to feel. We’re married so our kingdoms could live in harmony and thrive together. The marriage is nothing else.” Ok, that hurt. You could feel the dread building up in your chest as you swallowed the lump in your throat. His cold response only made you want to cry even more. You held strong and nodded, unsure if he even saw it or not. You didn’t want him to see your tears, you didn’t want him to see you as someone weak.

As much as it hurt, he was right. Your marriage was nothing but a treaty, and there were no emotions attached to it. It was an ugly truth you had to come to terms with if you wanted to be able to move forward. You so desperately wanted to ask about that rumor, but you couldn’t bring yourself to. Before you knew it, Izuku was retreating back into your bedroom.

“It’s late and I’m tired. I’ll head to bed first.” Without waiting for your answer, he was gone. You only sighed as you looked up at the sky, the glittering stars that seemed so far away.

“Take me away from here…” you whispered, silently begging for a happier end.

***

When you woke up in the morning, Izuku wasn’t there. You’d heard from your personal butler that he was busy and had been woken up earlier than usual. You didn’t have any complaints, sleeping next to him was already hard enough.

The maid, Yana, offered to show you around the castle, which you graciously accepted. She showed you all the important rooms and locations. You’d even walked past Izuku’s study where you saw him busy with some documents and chose not to bother him.

“If I may,” Yana started, looking at you, “You don’t seem very happy for a person who just got married yesterday.” Unsure if you could trust her, you chose to lie this time, forcing a smile onto your face.

“Oh I am! I’m just still getting used to everything! It’s a really big change.” It was clear Yana didn’t buy it, but she didn’t press further on the subject. The last thing she wanted to do was offend the future ruler.

After showing you around, she led you back to your bedroom and went to go prepare some tea. You sat down on the couch in your room and sighed, looking around.

You only saw Izuku once all morning and you weren’t even able to talk to him. Was this going to be your marriage? Were you just going to talk to your husband in professional settings? Would you ever even be friends with him? That thought hurt, you weren’t even on friendly terms with the man you were sharing a bed with. You shook your head and tried to think about something else, your new position for example.

After these three days, you’d have classes for two weeks in which you’d learn everything you could about Toral. Their economy, their farmlands, their trades, and about other kingdoms they were allied with. Similarly, Izuku would learn everything he could about (k/n). Because of this, you would barely see Izuku for two weeks.

You frowned at your own thoughts. You seemed so obsessed with the king, it made you wonder if he thought about you. Did he often wonder what you were thinking? Did he often think about you? Last night, when he brought out the blanket for you, was he worried? Was there a chance for anything to form between you two? Or would this loveless marriage last for the rest of your life?

***

You were alone all day, except for the company of your attendant. You neither saw Izuku nor heard from him. You spent a couple hours on the balcony once again at night hoping for a change in your life before ultimately giving up and heading to bed.

You weren’t sure what time it was, but you’d caught a glimpse of Izuku laying down next to you before you’d gone back to sleep. Of course, when you woke up the next day, he was gone. Again. This continued on til the third and final day.

While you were getting ready for the day, you wondered if there was anything you could do to break the wall that stood between you and your husband.

“Hey Yana?”

“Yes, your highness?”

“Are you bringing that tea to King Izuku?”

“I am, why?”

“Can I take it to him instead?” She immediately shook her head, her eyes widening.

“Oh no! I couldn’t trouble you! I’ll take it to h-“

“Please. I insist. I… don’t know any other way to interact with him…” you frowned, falling silent. What were you doing? You looked up at her, before speaking again. “Wh-what’s he like?” Yana smiled a little and sat next to you.

“King Izuku’s not all that bad, you know. He’s very kind and gentle. Unfortunately, because of his life as a prince, he’s been… forced to push personal matters down to focus on what’s best for his kingdom. He is very… quiet. He doesn’t talk much and he doesn’t seem very nice either, but I promise you. It’s only a matter of time before you see it. It’ll be hard not to fall in love.” You almost laughed at her words, looking away.

“Fall in love, huh? Seems… impossible.”

“You’re not wrong to think so. When the idea of marriage was brought up, I was there. His highness didn’t seem to even blink at the fact that he would be in a loveless marriage. But I know, deep down, he must’ve felt something. He just couldn’t say it.” You knew that feeling. You had the freedom to reject Toral, but chose to accept them instead. Izuku had done the same. You were more alike than you thought.

“He seems pretty cold-hearted.” Though you were afraid to offend Yana, you couldn’t stop yourself from speaking. Thankfully, Yana didn’t take it personally.

“He’s just shy. His shyness plus him pushing down his emotions makes him seem like that, but he’s not. He’s always believed in justice. He’s always wanted to be the reason people smiled. He’s definitely ready to be king, I’m sure overtime, he’ll be able to open up again. At least, I hope he does.”

Is that so? Izuku… wanted people to keep smiling? Seemed a little bit… odd given your interaction with him a couple of nights ago. Maybe there was more to him you had yet to see. As much as you disliked being in this marriage, you wanted it to work. You wanted to fall in love with him and you wanted to rule beside a man that you at least LIKED.

Taking a deep breath, you made an oath to yourself. You would do everything in your power to meet Izuku halfway.

***

“Come in.” A deep voice said, making you push the door open and walk in. Izuku was staring at some papers on his desk, looking back and forth between the ones in his hands as well. “Yana can you- oh.” He paused when he saw you, his emerald eyes widening a little.

“Sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to bring you your tea, myself.” You said, placing the tray on the desk, away from the documents.

“That’s alright, but why wouldn’t you want the maid to do it?” He inquired, placing the documents aside. You blinked at his question, expecting it but not having a definitive answer for it.

“I uh… um…” you sat down on the chair in front of the desk and tried to come up with a proper response. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“What?” Yeah… your mind said the same thing. What the hell were you talking about? Taking a deep breath, you tried to put your thoughts into discernible sentences.

“We… haven’t really talked, in general. Every time we’re together, it feels like an awkward silence. The only time we’ve had a lengthy conversation was when we were exchanging our vows.” You could see a frown forming on the king’s face as he looked down for a moment. However, he quickly reverted to his emotionless state.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to be like that. I just assumed you wouldn’t want to talk to me.” That was news to you, but you didn’t even have to ask why he said that. It was his family that brought up the arranged marriage. He could always see that you didn’t like it, whether it was him or the situation, but your reluctance was as clear as day. You, yourself, didn’t bother to hide it.

Now it was your turn to frown, not realizing that Izuku was just trying to comfort you in anyway he could. To him, he’d practically held a sword to your throat and demanded a wedding, but that wasn’t true.

“That’s not it,” you clarified, meeting his bright green eyes. “I had the ability to reject the proposal but I chose to accept instead. All of my own accord.” Izuku really didn’t have an answer, but you saw something cross his eyes. Was that… sadness? Why would he be sad? You tried to tell him his assumptions weren’t true.

“I see…” was all he could say. You tried to keep your disappointment down as you poured him, and yourself, a cup of tea. After a moment of silence, you spoke up.

“What are you working on?”

“I wanted to build a bride over the Toral river. The river makes it harder for merchants to cross it. I thought it would make life easier for everyone who lives on the other side.” Well that was a rather noble cause. However, he looked overly stressed about this, even though it seemed like it was something simple. He’s the king, all he needs to do is demand the bridge be built, right?

“Why do you look so stressed though?” He looked up at you again, before writing something down on the document in hand

“That part of the land is owned by another noble. Unfortunately, he’s neither using it nor permitting us to build the bridge. I know for a fact life’s easier for him without the bridge, that’s why he keeps saying no.”

“What would he get out of not having the bridge?”

“He’s really just a greedy and selfish noble. Besides, the location where we want to build the bridge is pretty far off from his estate, so he doesn’t have that excuse.” However, after saying those words, Izuku froze. He fell deep into thought, his brows furrowing.

“Is everything ok?” You asked, slowly, not wanting to break his train of thought. He was silent for another moment, before he looked up at you.

“(Princess/Prince), if you had a land where your leading monarch wanted to build a bridge… Why would you say no? Even if you weren’t using the land.”

“Hmm… well I would only say no if I was using it. Maybe if I was doing something I didn’t want you to know about.” You nonchalantly responded, before your own eyes widened. “Do you think he’s doing something illegal on those lands?”

“He would. Why else would he be so adamant on keeping lands he doesn’t use. According to him, it’s land passed down for generations. If he truly isn’t doing anything on it, then wouldn’t his lack of activity be an insult?”

“I would think so. If he cares so much, he’d always do something on it. At least, take care of it.” For the first time, Izuku smiled at you. A real, genuine smile. He promptly stood up and grabbed some documents.

“I’m sorry for cutting this short, but I have an idea of what to do. However, to thank you for helping me through this, would you go on a date with me, later this evening? I believe it’s your last day to rest before you start work? And you have yet to see our city.” Your heart leapt in your chest as a smile came over your lips.

“I would love to, King Izuku.” The monarch smiled once again before leaving the room. You looked down at the cup of tea in front of you as you felt your cheeks warm up. A date, later today, with your husband. You didn’t hate the idea, you didn’t dread waiting, and in fact, you didn’t want to wait.

The entire day was spent hoping the time would come for when Izuku took you out on your little date.

***

“You look wonderful, (Princess/Prince).” Yana commented, her eyes looking over your form. You were wearing (a simple dress/jeans with a silk shirt). You’d changed out of the formal wear you had to wear around the castle into something more comfortable, while still showing off your noble status.

“Thank you,” you smiled, looking at yourself in the mirror. You could see the giddiness in your eyes, and you didn’t want to hide it. For the first time in years, especially since you got married, you were extremely happy. It felt so odd, but so good.

There was a knock at your door, pulling you from your thoughts. Yana quickly walked over and opened the door. You saw a smiling Hiro on the other side. He was an apprentice butler at the castle and he was doing a great job. He and Yana were good friends of yours, already.

“Ready, your highness?” You nodded as Yana waved to you before you followed Hiro downstairs to the foyer, where you saw Izuku waiting. He was talking to Noel, the Royal Guard Captain about something, before they both looked over and saw you. Both of them gave you a smile, which you returned.

“Are you ready?” Izuku asked, making you nod as you took his hand. He led you out to the carriage that awaited you two, helping you climb in first before getting inside, himself. You saw Noel get on his horse next to your carriage and all the way to the city, he followed beside you two.

“You look happy,” Izuku commented, looking at you. Your cheeks flushed red and you heard him chuckle as he looked out the window beside him. “Cute…” he muttered.

“Thank you so much for doing this, I hope it’s not too much.” You said, making him look back at you. You noted his gaze was much more gentle than before, which added to the hope building up in your chest.

“You’re my spouse, I was more than happy to do this. Besides, I needed a break from all that paperwork.” His words prompted a question you’d had for a while and this seemed like the perfect time to ask.

“You’ve been king since 18, correct?” Izuku nodded at your words before slightly leaning back to be a bit comfortable.

“Officially, yes. However, I have been helping my mother since I was 15. When my father fell ill, I often helped my mother with his portion of work. Of course, I myself, couldn’t sign off of anything since I was still a young child, but I helped her with all the documents. I would read them for her and give her a summary for it all, along with what I thought would be the proper decision. Sometimes, she took my views under consideration and sometimes she would trust my judgement.” Wow, he’s been working since he was a kid. He really was ready to be a king. He… never really had a childhood, but then again, you didn’t either.

You weren’t making decisions, but ever since you were young, you’d been training to take over the throne. After the age of ten, you were an extremely busy child and hopefully all that work would pay off. Tomorrow, you’d be learning everything you could about Toral so you could be (queen/king).

“That… must’ve been hard.” You said, barely above a whisper. His emerald eyes found yours and you saw something that broke your heart. You could see the loneliness.

“It’s… our job.” He responded, looking away from you and back out into the window. You’d seen Izuku before becoming a little acquainted with him and he never showed off his emotions. So, he must’ve willingly let you see what he felt and it made your heart sink.

***

“Wow, it’s beautiful out here.” You said as Izuku led you through the city. Toral’s cities were known for their vibrancy and beauty, and the stories were no lies.

“Thank you. As you know, we pride ourselves on our country’s natural beauty.” Izuku commented as he continued forward. You were currently holding onto his arm as the two of you walked, making you feel warm inside. You actually felt like you were a couple on a date. Your eyes traveled to the sky which was a mix of red, orange, and yellow. It was getting late, which meant you’d have to head back soon and that thought made you a little sad. You were having so much fun.

“Oh, King Izuku, what’s that?” You asked, gesturing to a dessert stand in the distance. He looked over, seeing the item you were talking about and smiled a little.

“Those are dragon cakes.” He said, making you look at him with wide eyes. He almost chuckled in amusement when he saw the excited expression you sent him.

“Dragon cakes? I’ve never heard of them!”

“They’re a Toral specialty. Don’t worry, no dragons were harmed in the creation of said dessert.” He said matter-of-factly, making you giggle as the two of you walked closer to the stand. The owner looked towards you and smiled brightly.

“King Izuku! (Prince/Princess) (f/n)! Welcome!”

“We’d like the dragon cakes please.” The man nodded, happily packing two boxes of the cakes as Izuku dropped a few silver coins onto the table as the man placed two spoons onto the top of your boxes.

“Thank you! Please come again!” As you two walked ahead, you looked back and smiled when you saw Noel and his men buying a couple of cakes too. How cute.

The two of you found a nice seat in front of a beautiful garden as you ate your cake. You eagerly opened the box and smiled at the beautiful mix of colors on the dessert. Quickly picking up a small piece, you placed it into your mouth and smiled at the taste. It was extremely sweet, the flavor bursting in your mouth.

“Like it?” Izuku asked with a smile, making you turn and quickly nod.

“I love it! It’s delicious!” He chuckled and turned to you as you took another bite. The wind ruffled his hair a little and the golden glow from the sun made him look like an angel.

“Does (k/n) have a special dessert?” He inquired, making you fall into thought for a moment. You hadn’t really left your country, so you weren’t too sure about what everyone else had, but you did have a very famous dessert.

“We have (dessert)! I’m not sure if other countries have it, but it’s very popular! Almost like a celebratory dessert, people often buy it on special occasions.”

“I’ve never had it before, so I’ll definitely have to try it.” He leaned in closer, lowering his voice a little. “Do not tell Noel or Matsuo, they limit the amount of sweets I can have.” His childish tone made you burst out laughing and he feigned offense. “I’m being serious! Stop laughing!”

“I c-can’t help it! That’s so cute!” You said, leaning closer to him. The back of your hand, which held your spoon, pressed against your lips as you tried to stop laughing to no avail. Matsuo was his advisor and had been the previous king’s advisor. He was a rather strict man, but he was also kind and understanding.

“Keep that up and I’ll be using you as a means of distraction in my nightly escapades to the kitchen.” No way… you looked at Izuku with wide eyes and a big smile. He didn’t even bother to deny it!

“You steal candy from your own house?!” Your laughter increased and soon Izuku joined in. He couldn’t help it, your laugh was lovely and contagious. Just thinking about a cute little Izuku sneaking down to the kitchen to steal candy from his own house was just hilarious and so adorable. Especially as an adult, a king no less.

You looked over at the king, who’d almost seemed heartless the first night you spent together. He was… beautiful. His face and personality. Yana was right, he really wasn’t as cold as he acted. In fact, it didn’t seem like it was hard for Izuku to show his emotions. Life of nobility often brought situations where it wasn’t appropriate to show emotions, he probably just didn’t realize it was ok to turn that off when he was with you. As you watched his cheeks turn red from the laughter and the golden glow around him increase, you wished this moment would last an eternity.

How could you hide such a beautiful sight from the world? You thought as his musical laughter echoed around you.

***

Alas, your date had come to an end. The two of you returned home together, however, you went to your bedroom alone. Izuku had some work to do, but he promised to join you in an hour or so.

You had changed into your nightwear and sat down on the bed, when your eyes glanced outside of the window. Tonight was a full moon, yes?

You stood and walked to the balcony doors and opened them, stepping out into the cold night. You walked forward and stared out towards the city. Once again, the lights were shining bright and even now, the city looked so alive.

Your eyes moved up to see the gleaming stars winking at you and the bright moon smiling down. Tonight was different, though.

The first night you were here, all you could think about was someone stealing you away from this fate you’d chosen and regretted. Now… all you wished was to be with Izuku. Today was the first time you two had experienced each other in a natural setting. Izuku opened up about himself and you finally saw past the King. You finally saw the man named Izuku.

You wanted more of these nights. You wanted more dates where you could spend time getting to know Izuku or nights where you could just talk to him.

You smiled at the moon, the stars, and the city in the distance. You opened your mouth, speaking to no one in particular.

“I think… I’d like to stay here.” Your cheeks turned red when you thought about your husband and happiness flooded your chest when you thought back to his angelic laughter.

You liked Izuku, didn’t you? That was great news, you’d hoped he felt the same. If this kept up with you two, then you’d surely fall in love soon enough.

As your mind went on thinking about other date scenarios, you failed to notice a figure behind you. Just as before, something fell around your shoulders and you jumped, only to realize it was a blanket. You held the blanket closer and smiled to yourself.

“Don’t wanna catch a cold now, your majesty.” Your blood ran cold and you froze, the smile disappearing in an instant.

That wasn’t Izuku.

You turned frantically and saw a man with black hair and bright blue eyes, smiling at you.

“Wh-who are you?” Your voice was shaky and any attempt to make yourself sound confident failed miserably.

“Oh? I am no one you should worry your pretty little head over, my dear. How… is your relationship going with the king?” The bright moonlight reflected on something that sat on his waist… a sword? No… a gun.

“I-it’s great…” you answered as the man approached you, making you back up until you hit the rail behind you. He smelled… nice, actually. His scent was a mixture of a cologne with something floral, almost like roses but not quite.

“Has he brought up his old love, yet?” Oh… no, you hadn’t been able to bring up such a sensitive question up to him. Not yet.

“N-no…”

“Worry not, your majesty, I will inform you on the subject.” He said with a smile, which sent shivers down your spine. “King Izuku had met a lovely dame in the city once. It was a day off, something that’s rare for him, when he decided to visit the lovely town. He had managed to escape from Noel and the other guards when he ran into a woman. She was carrying flowers in a basket. The collision caused the two to fall to the ground, her over him. It was a rather romantic scene where the woman quickly apologized but the king only laughed. Love at first sight, would you believe it?

Eventually, the two couldn’t stay apart. Izuku visited her as much as he could, even going so far as to sneak out of the castle. The two would meet for over two years like this before they finally confessed. That’s when the king bedded the innocent maiden, both of them promising each other their hearts and bodies. They would belong to each other no matter the outcome of their lives.” His blue eyes met yours again, and he smiled brightly at the anguish he saw on your face.

“I-it's all j-just a rumor…” you whispered, as the tears started to well up in your eyes. The man leaned down and whispered into your ear.

“Is it, your highness?” Your gaze fell to the floor as the tears slowly rolled down your cheeks.

“... No…” He laughed a little, pulling away and taking your face in his hands. You wanted to slap his hands away. You wanted to shove him off of you. You wanted to get away. Unfortunately, you weren’t able to even think properly, your legs were frozen, your hands were shaking, so you just let him do as he pleased.

His warm fingers wiped away your oncoming tears and he put on a frown, but you could see the amusement in his eyes.

“Your majesty, I can take you away from all of this. You need only ask.” Before you could say anything, your bedroom door burst open and you saw an extremely furious Izuku.

“(F/N)! YOU GET AWAY FROM HER!” The man made a displeased face and shoved you forward as a distraction before jumping off the balcony. Izuku caught you before you hit the ground, holding you close to him protectively as he glared in the direction the man had gone.

“King Izuku?” Your voice was barely above a whisper, as you looked up at him.

“Are you hurt? Did he do anything to you?” You shook your head, making his glare soften. He sighed as he wiped away the tears that were still sliding down your cheeks. “I’m sorry, I was late.” You buried your face in his chest and clung to his shirt as he gently ran his hands through your hair to calm you down.

***

Noel and the other guards searched the castle grounds numerous times but weren’t able to find anything. One good piece of news was that they knew of the man, everyone did, especially Izuku. His name was Dabi and he was a well-known thief and bounty hunter. It was odd that Dabi would come to you, you neither had a bounty on your head nor were you really of value, yet. Dabi refused to steal anything that wasn’t worth any value.

Izuku stayed with you all night, trying to help you sleep but failed. You were too scared and your tears wouldn’t stop. Of course, Izuku thought it was because you were scared, but that wasn’t necessarily true. Yes, you were terrified, but you were hurt. This woman… and Izuku promised their hearts and bodies to each other, no matter the outcome? Meaning… Even now when Izuku was technically married to you, he wasn’t yours nor did it seem like he planned on becoming yours.

Why did that hurt so much? You barely knew each other and just earlier today you were saying it was impossible to fall in love with him. Yet here you were, heartbroken? Were you starting to fall for him? Even so, with such little time, why were you so hurt? Sure, even if you had a crush… it shouldn’t feel like this.

Izuku laid next to you, running his hand through your hair, trying his best to soothe you. He even had some tissues nearby to wipe your tears. Hiro had brought you both some tea earlier, to help you calm down and sleep. However, it didn’t help. You weren’t able to drink much and all you could think about was the words Dabi had said to you.

“Will you let me hold you, (princess/prince)?” Izuku inquired softly. You both had kept a good distance from each other in bed and even now, he’d reached across to your side to pat your head. Your eyes met and all you could see was what Dabi told you, yet your body moved all on its own. You nodded and scooted closer, to which he opened his arms and pulled you into him.

He was so warm and just the sensation of his arms around you was enough to drive your tears away. Dabi’s words returned to your mind for the umpteenth time, but… you didn’t care. Not this time. You closed your eyes as you leaned into him, letting him take away all your worries. So what if Izuku promised his heart and body to someone else? Yours belonged to him, regardless.

***

The next morning Matsuo suggested you take another day off to recover from the fright the previous night, but you refused, saying you preferred to start your lessons instead. Yana, Hiro, and even Izuku opposed your idea, but you’d made up your mind.

Your lessons weren’t very hard, it was just a matter of memorization. Toral had a rather rich history and for the most part, you loved to hear all about it. Your teacher was a bureaucrat named Mirio Togata that worked closely with King Izuku at times. With the insight your instructor provided, you were able to understand how Toral came to be such a powerful kingdom with it’s flourishing economy and numerous allied countries.

It was nothing less than impressive. Thanks to Mirio, you were also able to learn more about Izuku and the Midoriya family, including where your place would be. One of the things you learned, which couldn’t have made you happier, was that you weren’t expected to provide an heir. Toral’s nobility had a history of adopting and you were no exception. However, you would need someone to succeed the throne at some point, which you were ok with.

The entire day was exhausting and all you did was spend it with Mirio as he taught you everything you needed to know. Around 8 pm, your lessons came to an end for the day. You were in your room with Hiro, who, of course, made you some tea and even had snacks ready for you. Ever since the incident, you weren’t allowed to be alone. For the most part, Hiro accompanied you everywhere, but Noel also carried that duty. Whenever you left the castle, even if you were just walking around the gardens, Noel followed you. Every time you moved about the castle, there was a knight or two nearby.

Everyone, especially Izuku, was on high alert. You weren’t allowed to be alone, not even for a second. Unfortunately, since Dabi was able to sneak into the castle, the castle wasn’t the safest place. Both Hiro and Yana had plenty of combat experience to guard you, and since you were friends, that made the bothersome experience tolerable.

“Are you ok, your highness?” You blinked and looked over at a worried Hiro, quickly giving him a smile.

“Yes, I’m ok. Just thinking.” You answered as you picked up your cup and sipped the tea. Hiro nodded, not wanting to press further.

“King Izuku should be here in about an hour. He prefers to be around you when it’s late. I hope you don’t mind.” You shook your head and smiled.

“Not at all, I appreciate it.” Of course, the entire day all you could think about was this “innocent maiden” that the king had fallen in love with. Who was she? What was she like? Was she pretty? Strong? Talented? Was she better than you?

Thoughts of her made focusing on what Mirio said extremely difficult. You did your best to push down any insecurities but how could you? Why couldn’t you? You barely knew Izuku but here you were, ridiculously messed up.

From the story, it was clear that King Izuku couldn’t be with her, so were you just a replacement? Maybe that’s why he accepted the proposal, he didn’t want anyone but her but he couldn’t have her. The thought brought an intense ache in your heart. Were you… just a replacement? Why? Sure, he may have loved that woman but… he could love you too, right?

You could feel the pain spread to your chest and you looked down as the tears returned. God, you were so weak. You really couldn’t get a hold of yourself, could you?

“Y-Your highness!” Hiro exclaimed, rushing to you when he saw your tears. He knelt in front of you and frowned. “Why are you crying?” Your eyes met his bright blue ones and you mulled over your thoughts. Could you tell him? Could Hiro be trusted with this information?

“Hiro. Tell me about the rumors about the king falling in love with another woman.” He looked taken aback, but nodded, regardless. It wasn’t like he could refuse someone crying the way you were.

“Even we haven’t been able to confirm whether the rumors are true,” Hiro said, swallowing hard, “the rumor is that King Izuku met the woman in town on his day off. They collided into one another and fell in love at first sight. King Izuku would sneak out to meet her and when he wanted to marry her, he was rejected. Both Queen Inko and King Hisashi we’re against it, so they weren’t able to get married.

Other rumors say she was a criminal. The woman, that’s why they couldn’t be together. I’ve known King Hisashi and Queen Inko since I was a child and I know they wouldn’t reject someone King Izuku loved, no matter her status. Which is why the first story is also not very plausible.

The third rumor is that she was a princess and she was already meant to marry someone else. In the two years they spent together, they fell deeply in love but in the end, they had to part. She wouldn’t let go, saying she couldn’t live with her heart and body belonging to a man she didn’t love. So, to do the only thing he could, king Izuku claimed her body and heart, saying that now they were with someone she did love.” Hiro fell silent after the story, indicating he was done talking. You were silent as well, thinking about what he said. Ok… so that was romantic, even though you hated it

The last rumor matched what Dabi has said with one difference. The commoner was a princess already engaged to someone else. Your (e/c) eyes met Hiro’s and you opened your mouth to speak.

“Do you think there’s any truth to the rumors?” He looked down with a clouded expression, clearly not wanting to upset you. However, at the same time, he also didn’t want to lie to you.

“I… I’m not sure. But I do know there was a period of two years where King Izuku would regularly sneak out of the castle. He always returned home with a single flower. Usually a rose.”

“How do you know?”

“I would help him. I would make excuses for him so he wouldn’t get caught. Thankfully, neither did I.” So, it was true. As you fell deeper in thought, Hiro’s voice pulled you out again. “You know, (prince/princess), it’s best if you ask him, yourself. All of these stories are rumors, they could have no truth to them whatsoever.”

He had a point. Dabi could’ve been lying, telling you one of the more popular rumors. The rumors were so widespread, even you’d heard of them in your country. But Hiro was right, they could’ve been false, yet you were here getting so worked up over them.

You sighed and placed your cup of tea down as you munched on one of the snacks Hiro had brought. Was it ok to ask king Izuku such a sensitive question? I mean, even if it was such a personal question, he wouldn’t mind answering knowing how much it bothered you, right?

But at the same thing, asking him felt so… embarrassing and scary. What if he got angry or what if he confirmed the rumors true? What then? At least right now, it was all speculation. You could pretend they were all just fake stories, but once he’d confirm the truth, what would be left to deny? Was it better to stay in the dark?

You were pulled from your thoughts and your head snapped to the door when it opened. You saw King Izuku enter and look at you with a tired smile. Immediately, your heart began to race and you became restless.

“Hello.” He greeted you two as Hiro bowed, before silently leaving. “How are you?” Izuku joined you on the couch, sitting right next to you. He reached out and took a small cookie from the plate in front of you.

“I’m fine.” Although you didn’t stutter, your voice was strained and you were sure he heard it too.

“Please don’t push yourself.” He said and took your hand. “I don’t want you to overdo it.” You nodded, letting him hold your hand. Even if he was already someone else’s, the warmth you felt from his hand eased your burdens.

“I won’t.”

***

It had been about a week since the Dabi incident and he was nowhere to be found. Of course, naturally, the security wasn’t as strict and you were finally able to breathe and have some time alone. Constantly being followed was more exhausting than you thought it would be. However, now you were able to rest easy.

It didn’t last long, however. As you sat in your bedroom eating the snacks Hiro had brought, you saw a figure on the balcony. No way…

Dabi looked back at you and smiled, making you gulp nervously as you slowly approached the doors. He knew about this other girl. Maybe he could tell you more. Hopefully curiosity wasn’t about to kill this cat.

“It’s you,” you said, making his smile widen, “you’re Dabi.”

“So you remember me, doll. It’s an honor.” You were hesitant, but you pushed the words out anyway.

“Tell me more about the woman King Izuku fell in love with.”

“Of course, your majesty. Anything for our future ruler.” You invited Dabi inside, not wanting him to get caught before he finished the story. Even though he’d attacked you last time, your curiosity was too strong to call for help. You wanted to know more about this woman and you couldn’t bring it up to Izuku, no matter how much you tried. So, he was your best option.

“She’s said to hail from your kingdom,” Dabi started, making your eyes widen a little. “The commoner. The current rumor is that King Izuku married you in hopes to search your kingdom for her.” Ouch.

“What does he hope to do when he finds her?” You asked, your voice cracking with anxiety.

“What else? A king can have his harem or even a concubine. If anything, he could declare her his mistress and you’d be powerless to do anything.” Ok, sure king Izuku COULD do that, be he wouldn’t. He… he wasn’t like that. You hadn’t known king Izuku that long, but this just seemed so uncharacteristic. However, what would king Izuku do once he found her? This innocent maiden he fell for.

“I…” you had tried to say something, but were unable to. What could you say? This rumor was worse than the others. Was your husband truly using you to find a woman he was so madly in love with? What would he do once he found her? Tears welled up in your eyes again. You didn’t even bother holding them back as they slid down your cheeks. Dabi smiled as he leaned closer.

“Give it time, your highness. When he breaks your heart, I’ll come and steal you away.” You looked up, meeting his sapphire eyes. The pain in your heart just increased at his words and you found yourself speaking before you could stop to think.

“Promise?” You choked, making him reach out and wipe a stray tear. More followed in its wake, however.

“Of course. You’ll be of value then.” Right, he only stole things of value, and by then you’d no doubt be (king/queen). You only nodded as Dabi stole a biscuit and walked towards the balcony. “See you later, doll.” With that, he disappeared into the night, leaving you alone to wallow in your thoughts.

***

It had been a little over a week since your talk with Dabi. You hadn’t seen or heard from him again and from the way everyone was acting, it was obvious they hadn’t seen him.

The time was getting closer for you to be crowned (king/queen) next to king Izuku and you hated it. You hated it more than you did the first day you found out about this wedding. Recently, your husband had been extra busy in (k/n). You weren’t sure and he didn’t tell you much, but you could assume why. It must’ve been her.

You were back to sleeping on your own and you felt that wall between yourself and Izuku standing tall. You were too busy with your lessons to properly sit your husband down to ask about why he was going to your country so much.

“Are you alright, your highness?” You blinked and saw Mirio’s face peering down at you with concern.

“Oh, yes. I’m sorry.” He smiled, sympathetically.

“How about a break then? I think you’ve been working extremely hard, recently and you need to take it easy.” He smiled, as he poured some tea for you. You graciously took it and sipped at it.

“Mirio, do you know what king Izuku’s doing in (k/n)?”

“Word is he’s searching for something.” You had to keep yourself from sighing. So it was true after all. He really is looking for his innocent maiden. You couldn’t compete, there was just no way. “Why do you look so sad, your highness?” You looked up at Mirio, trying to think of the words. It took a moment but you found them.

“I want something and I can’t have it. So I’m sad.” He frowned at your words and looked down at his cup of tea. A (king/queen)-to-be wanted something they couldn’t have? Seemed impossible.

***

You sighed as you fell back on your bed, your eyes glued onto the beautiful ceiling. The days were so beautiful but you weren’t able to enjoy them. You missed the one date you had with king Izuku. You missed the happiness you felt because recently, all you felt was loneliness and dread.

Just when you thought you were getting closer to the man you married, it turns out you were wrong. You thought that wall had fallen, but it never did. You were merely too far away to even see it. Izuku could never love you the way you’d come to love him. That was the harsh reality you needed to accept.

The door opened, making you jump a little and you saw your husband. He was finally back? From the looks of it, he didn’t find her.

If you were going to be married to him for the rest of your life, assuming Dabi stealing you away would fail, you at least wanted to know the truth. You’d finally felt you had enough courage to ask and you no longer cared if the time was right or not.

While you sat there thinking, Izuku quickly changed out of his suit and returned to you.

“You’re still up? It’s late, you should rest. I’ve heard from everyone you’ve been so busy I don’t want you-“

“Why have you been going into (k/n)?” You asked, interrupting him. He was clearly taken aback but shrugged it off. You hadn’t meant to sound so harsh and uncaring, but you couldn’t change it now.

“I’ve been looking for something, why?” Alright, so he WAS looking for something.

“King Izuku… I want you to tell me about those rumors. About you falling in love with someone.” He nodded without hesitation.

“Of course. Tell me all you’ve heard.” You inhaled before explaining everything you’d been told, making sure to leave out the names of your sources. Izuku quietly listened to every last word and could see your frustration building up. He found it almost too adorable. However, that feeling went away when he saw the tears.

“If… you’re looking for her, I’d like to know.” You felt as if you’d been rather harsh, but who could blame you?

“Well, (prince/princess), there is no truth to any of those rumors.” You froze, staring at him. Was he lying?

“Well what about sneaking out regularly for 2 years? Coming back with flowers?” He smiled a little and shook his head.

“I did sneak out often but that was because I loved going to the city. I was always busy so whenever I could, I would sneak out of the house. The flowers were from a nice old lady who figured out I was the prince. She was such a sweetheart and always gave me candy with a rose.” Oh. “If anything, your highness, the “maiden” in the story is you.”

“What?” He chuckled at your obvious confusion. Ok now you looked even more adorable than before.

“It was nothing as serious as the rumors claim. I was visiting your country and it happened to be your 18th birthday. I saw you on the balcony with your parents. The entire kingdom was celebrating. I didn’t fall in love at first sight, but I thought you were absolutely beautiful and I couldn’t take my eyes off of you for a second. After that day, I couldn’t get your face out of my head. I was actually pretty desperate to meet you,” he admitted with a chuckle as your face turned shades off red. “That’s why when I was told I could marry you, I wanted to.

I didn’t expect it to work, actually. We barely knew each other. I just thought I’d at least be able to meet you and talk to you. Maybe it would put my heart to ease, a little. And to answer your previous question, I’ve been looking for a well known jeweler. There is a ring I wanted her to make, and I wanted to give you that ring instead.”

“A-another ring?” He nodded with a bright smile and took your left hand, his finger brushing against the ring.

“When I gave this to you, it symbolized unity between our countries. That’s all… but the one I was planning on having made will be a symbol of my love for you.”

“L-love!?” Your eyes widened and your cheeks flushed red at his words. He only nodded, lifting your hand to his lips and kissing them.

“Yes. I love you. It didn’t take very long… but I’m in love with you, (prince/princess) (f/n).”

To say you felt like an idiot would be an understatement. You’d been stressing over a story that wasn’t even real! If anything, it was about you! Your cheeks burned red at the thought of Izuku loving you and only you.

“Oh? Are you blushing?” He asked, leaning in close. Your cheeks only got redder as your embarrassment surfaced.

“St-stop teasing, king Izuku.”

“I should’ve mentioned this before but we’re married now, you don’t have to use formalities.” He smiled, as his hand found its way to your cheek. You closed your eyes and leaned into the warmth before you felt something soft on your lips.

This was your second kiss with him and it was definitely better than the first. You could feel the passion he poured into the kiss and it made your heart race.

You immediately melted into him, wrapping your arms around his neck. He pulled you onto his lap, deepening the kiss. A small sigh left your lips, making his arms tighten around your waist. He pulled away and looked up at you a little.

“Oh, if you keep that up, your highness, I won’t be able to hold back.” He whispered, his lips meeting yours again. The kiss was much more heated, but you responded with just as much fervor. Slowly, his soft lips trailed down your neck. You closed your eyes and let the warmth spread through your body, as the excitement caused tingles.

Your hands raked through his fluffy green tuft and as his lips kissed your neck. You felt a pinch for a second before he moved his way down to your chest. He dropped you down onto the bed, crawling over you and staring down at your flustered form.

The look in his eyes drove you up a wall. So far you’d only seen Izuku as emotionless and adorable… but you’d never seen THAT look in his eyes.

“(F/n). Will you give me your heart and body?” You nodded without hesitation, as he leaned down and claimed your lips before he’d claim all of you.

***

“I present to you… (KING/QUEEN) (F/N)!” The kingdom roared with applause, causing you to smile brightly. Ever since Izuku cleared up the rumors, you’d never felt happier. In a sense, the rumors were true. You had been the innocent “maiden” he’d fallen in love with and had claimed your body and heart, while giving you his own.

You smiled as you stood next to your husband, waving to everyone. You saw your parents and Inko standing to the side, waving back. Your parents would step down as rulers of (k/n) so you and Izuku could take their place and they couldn’t have been happier. The ring on your finger was a reminder of the love you both shared. Something you wouldn’t give up for the world.

***

“Still need to be stolen, (king/queen) (f/n)?” You smiled as you turned around and saw Dabi standing behind you with a smirk. The celebration had ended and you were by yourself, once again, at your balcony.

“I’ll be disappointing you tonight, Dabi.” He only smiled as he stood next to you and leaned against the railing.

“I think I’m ok with that, this time.” He mumbled, looking ahead at the large city. You were smiling before your brows furrowed and you turned to him.

“You lied to me about the rumors.” He chuckled and looked at you, his bright blue eyes gleaming with amusement.

“Hey, I never said they were true.” You scoffed and shook your head, glaring at him a little.

“I was so upset, Dabi!” He smirked and little and leaned in close to you, his fingers pushing a lock of your hair away from your face. You froze a little, not expecting something like this to happen. His cold, slender fingers slid down to your neck, brushing up against it. You shivered at the sensation, looking away a little.

“Oh? Keep that up, your majesty and I might just steal you for myself.”

“Dabi…” you mumbled, looking back at him.

“Oh right, you’re already taken. This mark proves it.” Your eyes widened and your face flushed a deep red, making Dabi throw his head back and laugh. You had a hickey this whole time?!! Who all saw it?!

“D-Dabi!” You exclaimed, smacking his arm. But you couldn’t deny the smile that made its way to your face. Yeah, you belonged to Izuku and that mark proved it.

“You know what, (king/queen) (f/n), call me whenever you need me. I’ll work for you and ONLY you.” You tilted your head, a curious expression on your face. Dabi was a thief… why would he say that?

“Why? I haven’t done anything.” He shook his head at your words.

“You make me laugh. You’re amusing and I like being around you. Call me whenever you need me. Whether it be stealing a relic or stealing you away from this kingdom.” He gave you a wink before hopping off the balcony and disappearing into the night. What an oddball.

With a smile, you looked up at the sea of stars. Deja vu. You giggled and closed your eyes, whispering to yourself.

“Please let me stay here… please let me be with him.” You felt something fall around your shoulders, and your eyes shot open.

“You’ll catch a cold if you stand out here without one.” Izuku said, with a smile. You giggled and leaned into his arms as he placed a kiss on top of your head.

“I love you, Izuku.” You said, leaning your head on his chest as you stared out at the city in the distance.

“I love you too, (f/n).”

#mha #mha imagines #mha deku #izuku midoriya #midoriya izuku #bnha izuku #izuku x reader #midoirya izuku #izuku midoriya x reader #deku x reader #midoriya x reader #bnha midoriya #bnha #bnha deku #bnha scenarios #bnha x reader #mha x reader #bnha fantasy au

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suburbanbeatnik · 4 years ago

Text

The short and very miserable life of Napoleon II, aka the Eaglet, aka Franz, Duke of Reichstadt: PART TWO

Although the beatings had ceased, Franz’s life continued in refined isolation until his fifteenth year, when his cousin Franz Karl married the beautiful and charming Sophie of Bavaria.

She was only six years older than he, a fine, pretty girl of sweet features and merry lips, with light chestnut brown hair arranged in great loops on her temples. She had done away with the stiff sumptuousness of her apartment at the Burg, and refurnished it in a more intimate atmosphere. In her salon, with its mahogany furniture covered in yellow velours and minus the usual gilding. Reichstadt would often come and sit beside her, looking through the pictures in her albums while she would paint, or play graceful Italian airs on her piano. And they would talk. She sided with him when things went wrong, pitied him, loved him. She was the only one to whom he could talk to with an open heart. Thanks to Sophie, in those troubled years of adolescence when the child is disappearing and the man is trying to find himself, he had at last found what had been refused him for so long: a friend. [Aubry pg 140]

Franz was growing into a handsome young man, with his mother’s blue eyes and blond curls, but his father’s striking bone structure and deep-set eyes, and the emotional Bonaparte temperament. Though he was robust and “glowing with health” as a baby, by the time he was an adolescent he became more frail. Doctors said he had a “scrofulous tendency,” which was 19th century medical gobbledygook for some sort of disorder connected with the lymphatic glands. It seems to me that this kid was isolated and beaten for years, and suffered from pretty severe depression— on top of that, he didn’t eat (Aubry records that he had “a poor appetite”). Throw in an inherited tendency from his mother to have lung trouble, I’m not surprised he struggled with illness going forwards.

Apart from Sophie, there was no one to really look out after him. She encouraged him, his interests, his passions, his keen desire to be a soldier, his love for his father and of France, helping undo all the years of Habsburg brainwashing. As the years passed, he even learned how his father’s executors were continually frustrated in trying to pass on the legacy his father had tried to leave to him. “They had been kept away, or driven away: or else the relics they had brought had been politely taken from them and stuffed away into strongboxes, thus cheating the son of the only material inheritance his father had left him. Who had so ordained? Metternich, none other!” [Aubry pg 154]

Metternich, the true ruler of this not-so-holy and not-so-Roman empire, was the one man who had schemed and plotted to keep Franz so isolated and alone. Metternich, and this is no exaggeration, hated every atom of Franz since he was a baby, and he never let Franz forget it. Franz was under police surveillance at all times: the Chancellor had the Corsican’s son in his grasp, and would not lose him. He wouldn’t even allow the young man contact with his own grandmother, Letizia, Madame Mère, now eighty years old and blind from cataracts. He wouldn’t even allow a single letter— a single sentence.

That statesman, who had a government for a soul, had made Austria a prison for him instead of the home it should have been! Metternich had been his father’s enemy; he was his enemy too, and always had been! The young man felt the hostility underneath the Chancellor’s icy courtesy, and he hated him. Altogether without basis in fact are those accounts of numerous conversations between Metternich and the Duke of Reichstadt during this period. Prokesch maintains that the Minister talked to the Prince just five times in seventeen years. Far from seeking to influence the Duke of Reichstadt during this period, Metternich avoided all contact with him. He hated him as he hated his father. The likeness to the Corsican which he found again in the young man’s features offended him like an insult. He could not bear the sight of that forehead, the sound of that voice. At a Court reception on the evening of the Duke’s eighteenth birthday, the Chancellor paid the obligatory compliments and turned away hastily. Those who spoke to him immediately afterwards found him more distant than usual. As soon as he could do so without attracting attention, he left the palace. [Aubry pg 162]

After years of being force-fed Austrian propaganda, Franz had started reading as much as he could about the greatness of Napoleon— obsessively reading Las Cases’ Memorial of St Helena, which he found on one of the top shelves of the library. Imagine his feelings when he read his father’s will for the first time, discovering what affects and relics were left to him, but which he would never see, thanks to Metternich’s machinations (and Louise’s clumsy attempts to lay claim to Napoleon’s inheritance, which had sabotaged the work of the executors in the first place, did not cease until 1837). Franz, fascinated with his father’s campaigns and personal history, threw himself into his studies. Through books, he vicariously experienced Lodi, Arcole, Marengo, the Pyramids, Jena, Austerlitz… He became drunk with the glory of the past. A spell had been cast, and Franz became determined to make his father proud of him. When one of his tutors began to lecture him on his father’s shortcomings, Franz replied impatiently:

“The actions of great men are not to be weighed with ordinary scales.” [Aubry pg 156]

Franz was slowly shedding the relationships of his childhood. When, upon Neipperg’s death in 1829, he had discovered his mother had contracted a morganatic marriage with the one-eyed Neipperg, he “felt deeply insulted and humiliated.” He was enraged enough to discover just that: of course, keep in mind he had no idea that she was sleeping with Neipperg and had given Franz two illegitimate half-siblings while his father was living with the rats on St. Helena. I doubt he would have ever talked to her again if that was the case. Even without knowing that, he withdrew, “his letters were less affectionate and he mentioned her name more rarely. She had been expected at Schoenbrunn for the summer. Her son learned with relief that she preferred to take a cure in Switzerland.” [Aubry pg 160]

Of course, Louise kept doing her thing, weeping for Neipperg over “gay dinner tables and at the opera,” being annoyed whenever the name of Napoleon reached her ears, and then finding “a substitute for the one-eyed general in the person of the Count de Bombelles, at first Grand Master of her Household, then her lover, and then finally her third husband.” [Aubry pg 161]

Meanwhile, for years Franz had struggled with depression. The July Revolution had happened, with the kind and comfortable Louis-Philippe installed on the throne, and even though the King of Rome was still a popular figure in France, with perhaps a chance to ascend the throne, Franz was still, for all intents and purposes, a prisoner. And the older he got, the more obvious this became. Suggestions to become a monarch in Poland or Greece were pushed asides by Metternich. Attempts by his uncles Lucien and Joseph to discuss Franz’s future with Metternich were completely blocked. All he wanted to do was to start his military career, and make himself useful, but he couldn’t even join his regiment, or even visit his mother in Italy. His health was floated as the reason why he should stay inactive, but Franz doubted this was the only reason. Bouts of rage alternated with deep sloughs of “sadness and tedium,” and he could barely summon the interest to hold a conversation. Not surprisingly, his mother lacked sympathy. In 1830, when Louise was summering in Baden, taking the waters, she “rebuked him for his apathy. She could not understand why her son could be ‘so little like other young people.’” [Aubry pg 181]

It grew worse a year later. Italy was on fire with the revolutionary activities of the Carbonari, and Louise had fled Parma in fear of her life. Franz pleaded with his grandfather to let him go rescue her, but Metternich intervened. Let the son of Napoleon, the King of Rome, go to Italy, where his father won his own fame? Of course not! Emperor Francis gave into Metternich, and poor Franz was left feeling torn between misery, fury and desperation. Even Prokesch, his best friend apart from Sophie—a major in the Viennese army, a loyal soldier, scholar and diplomat who had worked for Metternich, but had defied him on a few occasions-- couldn’t calm him.

His despair was palpable. He knew he would spend his entire life bound and trapped, with Metternich as his jailer.

The young man had sealed himself up in a silence that was almost complete, venting his feelings at the most in talks with Sophie and Prokesch, during which he expressed many severe judgments on members of the Imperial family. He loved Sophie and he had an affection for his grandfather, but he did not like the Empress, fond as she was of him. He thought the Archduke Ferdinand, heir-apparent and King of Hungary, was a ninny. [Editor’s note: Ferdinand was actually a brain-damaged hydrocephalic epileptic who couldn’t even consummate his own marriage with his wife Maria Anna, married in 1835.] He hated the Archduke Franz Karl, Sophie’s husband, calling him deceitful, mean and vulgar. Table conversations at the Hofburg were stupid, the Court life was cheap and in bad taste. Comparing himself with those pious, submissive and conceited Archudukes and those ugly, insipid Archduchesses, he felt himself of a superior race. He even said one day— and Prokesch recorded the words in his secret notes:

“If Josephine had been my mother, my father would not have gone to St. Helena, and I would not be languishing in Vienna. My mother certainly has a kind heart, but no backbone! She was not the wife my father deserved!”

And he added, burying his face in Prokesch’s hands:

“You do not respect her, do you?”

And Prokesch replied:

“She was what she could be. The woman your father deserved for a wife did not exist. But he chose her, and she is your mother…”

Reichstadt was now weeping, and a long silence followed. [Aubry pg 207]

And that was when he seriously began to think about escaping.

While the two began to consider exactly what they could do, Franz decided that he had had quite enough of the chaperonage of Count Dietrichstein, his head tutor. This was the man who whipped him when he was five, who thrashed him when he was ten, who drilled him for countless hours on his German and his Italian translations and all the minutiae of court etiquette. He claimed to be utterly devoted to the young prince. Maybe he was, in his own weird way. But Franz was spreading his wings (or at least attempting to— even when he was 20, his imperial grandpa was still prone to treating him like a child, forcing him to dine with him in austerity if his own personal dinner parties became, in Francis’s opinion, too extravagant). In addition to the sensible and devoted Prokesch, Franz had befriended a few other young men, rakes and dandies all, like Neipperg’s eldest son and the young Esterhazy. Franz was gorgeous, brooding, romantic, and with perfect manners, and the women were obsessed with him (a Polish nun who had never met him but only saw him from a distance once swore undying love, even writing letters to this effect).

There was one woman that Franz danced with at a masquerade ball, a certain Naudine Karolyi, black-haired, handsome and bold, and not only did they manage to dodge Metternich’s spies, but they exchanged a lot of letters. This was 1831, and he was 20. But Dietrichstein soon found out about the correspondence.

At any rate, he strode into the Duke’s room, began rummaging through his desk, and finding a drawer locked, commanded him to open it. Reichstadt did not dare refuse— he obeyed, and his governor saw before him a pile of letters from Esterhazy. He opened a few, ran through them, and turned around livid with anger:

“What?” he cried. “You have a love affair?”

“Yes,” replied the prince coolly. “You can see with whom.”

“Do you write to her directly?”

“No, sir.”

“Then through an intermediary? Someone I know?”

He was besides himself with rage and almost shouting. Other persons had just entered the room and stood looking on in surprise at the strange scene. Reichstadt begged the Count to calm himself.

“Come downstairs with me,” he whispered. “You shall have all the letters afterwards, I promise you.”

The Count mastered his anger and went down with him to the Emperor. On the return, the Duke scrupulously handed him the entire correspondence, and it was forthwith consigned to the flames. [Aubry, pg 212]

But this didn’t stop Dietrichstein from trying to intercept Franz’s personal letters. At one point he saw that Esterhazy called him “the old woman,” and Dietrichstein was “extremely hurt.” He tried everything he could to break up the friendship from that day on, but didn’t succeed, as Franz could be extremely stubborn and loyal to a fault.

The affair with Naudine didn’t go anywhere, but there were others— there was even a reputed bastard daughter who later called herself the Comtesse de la Pommiere— but no matter what happened, his heart belonged to Sophie.

* * *

I’m cutting this off here, because LONG POST IS LONG, but more angst and drama will be coming with the next post!

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

#napoleon II #sophie of bavaria #franz duke of reichstadt #l'aiglon #eaglet #octave aubry #marie louise #napoleon #napoleon bonaparte #count dietrichstein #metternich #austria #habsburgs #prokesch #king of rome #this poor kid #fucking habsburgs jesus christ

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o-fantome · 4 years ago

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Hamilton Musical Essay

First off, I want to say that if you like the musical, that’s fine. I’m not trying to tell you not to like it. I’m simply expressing my thoughts about it.

Secondly, this is mostly about things the musical got wrong, but there is definitely going to be some bias and opinions in here. So don’t take anything I say (unless I have provided a source) as fact.

Now, let's go through this show one song at a time.

(quick warning, this post is long. very long. and will take a while to read. i apologize in advance)

ACT I

Alexander Hamilton

I don't have much of a problem with this song, and it is pretty good. However, I do wish that they hadn’t glossed over his early years. I get that they were not that interesting, but they played such a big part in his life, especially in his later years when he was in politics.

“Me? I loved him” haha no. that line should have been said by Eliza and Laurens. Not Eliza, Angelica and Maria/Peggy.

Aaron Burr, Sir

Oh boy, oh boy, I have quite a bit to say about this one.

I strongly dislike the portrayal of Burr throughout the whole show. I get what LMM was going for with the whole “it’s how history sees him” but, you could’ve given him a bit more character.

Burr singing “Fools that run their mouths off wind up dead” and then Laurens walking out immediately after is clever, because Laurens really was a fool who ran his mouth off quite a lot. Like the time he yelled at the king of France, King Louis XVI.

There's the obvious mistake that Hamilton met John Laurens, Hercules Mulligan and the Marquis de Lafayette at completely different times. He didn’t even meet burr in 1776 as we see here. He met burr in 1772-1773 when Hamilton briefly went to Princeton.

Laurens, Mulligan and Lafayette have very little character (which is something a lot of the people in this show struggle with.) for people who were pretty close to Hamilton, (especially Laurens) they don't seem like they were written to be very important characters. Their personality in this show can be summed up in a sentence.

And there's the other obvious mistake that Lafayette (and probably Laurens as well) never met Mulligan.

My Shot

The foreshadowing is good, I'll give it that.

For some reason, the chemistry between Lafayette and Mulligan-- who, again, never actually met-- is better than the chemistry between Hamilton and Laurens. What's up with that, huh?

“Wait ‘til I sally in on a stallion with the first black battalion” Laurens never got his black battalion. Congress approved the plan, but the South Carolina Legislative Assembly did not.

“Laurens, I like you a lot” get outta here with that crap. Either make their relationship a bigger part in the musical or keep it out completely. I hate how subtle and glossed over their relationship is in this show.

I do like Laurens’ little part in this song, it’s a rare part of the show where we see his actual personality instead of just “grr slavery bad alcohol good.” Anthony Ramos is a very good singer.

This song is pretty good story-wise. It is very well written. Hamilton’s monologue is surprisingly accurate to the real Alexander Hamilton and his beliefs.

The Story of Tonight

It has a good vibe, and I think it’s the closest we see Laurens and Hamilton throughout the entire show, which is kinda nice.

Again with the Lafayette-Mulligan thing LMM why???

The Schuyler Sisters

LMM unintentionally created a monster when he wrote that “and Peggy” line. That joke is one of the most overused and unfunny jokes in this show and its fandom.

Having Angelica be the “strong woman” in the show was a good idea on paper, but it’s not all that accurate to the real Angelica Schuyler, and it’s like her only personality trait (aside from the whole Hamilton and Angelica thing but I’ll talk more on that later)

I'm gonna say this a lot but oh my god these people have no character to them. Not even Eliza Schuyler-- Hamilton’s frickin wife.

Listen ok I am strictly attracted to men but Phillipa Soo is an absolutely beautiful and amazing and talented person. She has full permission to step on me.

Farmer Refuted

The farmer refuted was a pamphlet published by Hamilton in 1775 in response to something Samuel Seabury wrote about how the congress in Philadelphia was bad. Not an actual public debate like you see in the show. But I’ll let this one slide because having the actors read pamphlets onstage would be a lot less entertaining.

That’s pretty much it the song isn’t that interesting.

You’ll Be Back

This is probably just me but I don’t like how King George III steaks the show and is the main source of comedy. When I asked family members after their first viewing of the show who their favourite character was, almost all of them said the King.

Mr. Groff, please keep your spit to yourself.

As far as my knowledge of King George III goes-- and I do not know a lot about him so don’t take this too seriously-- this song is a pretty accurate depiction of ‘The Mad King.’

Redcoat Interlude

Just gonna put this here to say The Bullet is a really cool character.

Right Hand Man

Chris Jackson has the voice of an angel.

I don’t like the way Washington is characterized. At some points, he’s over-glorified, but at other parts of the show, he’s downplayed a lot, and it doesn’t at all seem like the real George Washington.

Washington and Hamilton’s relationship in this show is so off from what it would’ve been historically. You don’t see it much in this song so I won’t say much here for the sake of keeping things organized, but I’ll discuss it later when it’s more obvious

Mulligan is shown in a continental uniform, yet he was not in the army. He was a spy. He wouldn’t have worn a uniform.

As with a lot of songs in this show, the music and choreography are amazing. The ensemble is so so talented.

This scene where Burr is meeting with Washington isn’t entirely wrong, but it’s not exactly how it happened. According to Wikipedia, “In the spring of 1776, Burr's stepbrother Matthias Ogden helped him to secure a position with George Washington's staff in Manhattan, but he quit on June 26 to be on the battlefield.”

Hamilton did not meet Washington at the same time as Burr. He joined Washington’s staff in the spring of 1777.

I’m not exactly sure what he’s referring to when he says “I have some friends, Laurens, Mulligan, Marquis de Lafayette” but I do know that Laurens and Lafayette were not his friends at this point. They weren’t even in America at the time. Mulligan was, and he was good friends with Hamilton.

A Winter’s Ball

The formatting here is wild. This happened in 1780, I don’t know why LMM skipped ahead to this.

“We’re reliable with the ladies” ok that is true I’ll admit.

What is Laurens doing here? He was a prisoner of war in Phillidelphia when Hamilton met Eliza.

Helpless

Eliza was not “helpless.” If anything, Hamilton was the one head-over-heels for her.

Hamilton. Was. Not. Into. Angelica. Angelica. Was. Not. Into. Hamilton.

Hamilton’s little speech to Eliza after he gains her father’s blessing is kinda cute and pretty accurate.

A lot of the people shown in this scene were not at Hamilton’s wedding.

Laurens is shown as Hamilton’s best man, but at the time of Hamilton’s wedding, he was travelling north to meet with Washington after finding out he is to be sent on a diplomatic mission to France. James McHenry, a fellow Aide-De-Camp to Washington, was Hamilton’s best man.

Satisfied

I hate how this is such a good song because what it’s about is probably my least favourite part of this show.

There is no evidence of Angelica being romantically attracted to Hamilton. They likely had a brother-sister kind of bond.

Now, having Angelica as the side love interest wouldn’t have been that bad if it was a real thing, but it wasn’t. LMM intentionally re-wrote a part of history to have her in it, when he could’ve kept the same storyline, and have Laurens be the side love interest. If he had given Laurens that role, he could’ve made the show more historically accurate, and it would bring to light a part of history many people try to erase. But in giving Angelica that role, he has not only completely changed a part in history but has also erased the fact that Alexander Hamilton-- nor John Laurens, for that matter-- was straight. LMM had so much power. He was writing a musical about a founding father. He could have brought so many things we didn’t know to light. And yet, we’re stuck with this.

Angelica was not the person who introduced Hamilton to Angelica. It was most likely Cathrine “Kitty” Livingston, a friend and possible love interest to Hamilton that he met before he joined the army.

Angelica had brothers.

The Story of Tonight (Reprise)

“I’ve seen wonders great and small” *gestures down* I’m sorry sir what?

They were all married before Hamilton.

Wait For It

This is a beautiful song and it doesn’t have much wrong with it.

Stay Alive

Sweet lord the timeline is terrible. The battle of Monmouth happened in 1778 before Hamilton got married.

Here is a better example of the strange portrayal of Washington and Hamilton. The real Washington wouldn’t have called Hamilton “son.” He wouldn’t be as friendly with him. Their relationship was professional.

Mulligan was already in new york, so he wouldn’t have to “go back to new york and [his] apprenticeship.”

“Instead of me, he promotes Charles Lee” Hamilton did not ask for a command at Monmouth. What happened was Lee was given a command, declined, and then it was given instead to Lafayette. Later, Lee requested the command be given back to him because Lafayette was very young and didn’t have much experience. Washinton blindly trusted Lee and agreed to give it back to him.

After Lee was court-martialed, he kept running his mouth and slandering Washington. Hamilton originally wanted to duel lee, but Laurens told him not to, and to just let him say what he wants. Later, after Lee kept running his mouth and the insults got worse, Laurens decided to duel him.

Washington didn’t know of the duel. He didn’t even know it happened until the day after.

Ten Duel Commandments

Hamilton was not the one who was super giddy and impatient for the duel to start, he was kinda the opposite. Laurens was the one who challenged Lee and was the trigger happy one.

Burr was not Lee’s second, Evan Edwards was.

Again, Hamilton was not as enthusiastic as shown here. He was the one who tried to call off the duel and actually prevented Laurens and Lee from firing a second time.

Meet Me Inside

Laurens was not satisfied after he shot Lee, and demanded them to shoot again.

Washington saying “these young men don’t speak for me” isn’t that far off from how he reacted, but we can’t be 100% sure because there’s not a lot that was documented about his reaction to the duel.

Washinton was more upset with Laurens for holding a duel in his honour. So he wouldn’t have lectured Hamilton as he does in this scene.

As I said before, Washington would not be calling Hamilton “son”.

I really wish LMM wrote this scene differently because it’s entirely wrong. Hamilton didn’t leave the army until March of 1781, after being so fed up with Washington continuously denying him a command.

“Charles Lee, Thomas Conway, these men take your name and they rake it through the mud” that is true, and he’s referring to the Conway Cabal. More info on the Conway Cabal can be found here if you’re interested.

The timeline is so confusing here. “Your wife needs you alive” technically, at the time of the duel he didn’t have a wife, but by the time he left Washington’s staff he did. But in the show, I'm assuming this scene takes place in 1778, so, historically, no wife yet. But in the show, he also gets married before this scene. So I don’t know what’s going on here.

That Would Be Enough

For the sake of simplicity and not driving myself to insanity, I’m just gonna assume this takes place in 1781. Because I don’t want to try and figure out the timeline.

Eliza was not a month pregnant yet, in fact, she wasn’t pregnant at all at the time. Hamilton went home in march 1781, and their first son Philip was born in January of the next year. Doing the math, Eliza wasn’t pregnant until May 1781.

This song is actually really sweet aww.

Guns and Ships

Ah, the timeline finally smooths out.

Lafayette wasn’t really a “secret weapon,” he was just a General

Nevermind the timeline is messed up again. “I go to France for more funds” he did that in 1779, and he went back to France on leave, apparently missing home. He ended up working with Benjamin Franklin to send more troops and ships to America.

I wish Laurens was mentioned here. He went on a diplomatic mission to France in February and convinced the french congress to gift America 6 million livres.

Lafayette was not the one to tell Washington he needed Hamilton to come back. What happened was in July after he left, Hamilton sent a letter to Washington threatening to resign his commission. Washinton panicked and sent Tench Tilghman-- a fellow Aide-de-Camp beside Hamilton-- to go to the house Hamilton rented with Eliza to tell him to come back to the army and that Washington will give him a command.

You can see in this scene Lafayette running with a letter, but he was not the person who did that. It was Tilghman.

History Has Its Eyes On You

I can’t think of anything wrong with this song, it’s pretty spot-on and sounds beautiful.

Yorktown (The World Turned Upside Down)

“We’ll be with you when you do,” ehehe no they were not. The Americans did almost nothing to help France during the French Revolution.

“Take the bullets out your gun” was actually something Hamilton did with his battalion when they were sneaking through the trenches on their way to attack Redoubt 10.

Laurens was not in South Carolina, he was at Yorktown-- fighting under Hamilton’s command-- after just returning from his diplomatic mission to France.

Lafayette was not “there waiting in Chesapeake bay,” he was with the other french troops attacking Redoubt 9.

Again, Mulligan would not have been in uniform.

Mulligan might have “taken their measurements, information” but he sure didn’t “smuggle it.” That was done by his slave, Cato. He and Mulligan were working with the Sons of Liberty and with Hamilton’s spy ring-- of which we do not know the name of-- and smuggled intelligence to General Washington.

The instrumentals and the choreography make me very happy. I really enjoy the short little instrumental break.

The siege of Yorktown lasted three weeks, not just one.

They act like this was the end of the war. It most certainly was not. The war didn’t officially end until 1783 with the signing of the Treaty of Paris. Yorktown was the last major battle of the war, but not just the last.

What comes Next

I’m very picky about this but I don’t like the king purely because I feel like he steals the show and is the automatic favourite.

Dear Theodosia

Philip Hamilton was born a year before Theodosia Burr.

I don’t know much about Burr, but I can say that Hamilton really did love his kids and his family, and I'm upset that we don’t see that in the show. At least we see a bit of it in this song.

Laurens Interlude (Tomorrow There’ll Be More of Us)

“It’s from John Laurens. I’ll read it later.” This makes me sad because the last letter sent between these two was sent from Hamilton on August 15th (and most likely never reached Laurens before his death,) so Hamilton was probably expecting the letter Eliza brings him to be a reply.

We don’t know exactly how Hamilton learned of Laurens’ death, but we do know it was not from a letter from Henry Laurens (John Laurens’ Father.) He most likely learned of Laurens’ death from either Washington or General Greene.

I find it a bit odd that Laurens sings the line “and when our children tell our story” because he never met his daughter, he left his pregnant wife in England (she moved to France a few years later) to sail to America to join the revolution, and never visited them (not even when he was in France for his diplomatic mission.) But I get it, it’s a reprise of “The Story of Tonight.”

The war was not over, but it was close.

“His dream of freedom for these men dies with him.” Yep. Unfortunately, he never got the black battalion he worked so hard for.

I hate how fast it moves from this emotional scene, where Hamilton learns of the death of his closest friend-- the man he loved-- to “after the war I went back to new york” like geez, LMM. give the man some time to grieve.

Non-Stop

The trial of Levi Weeks didn’t happen until 1800.

There is no record of this midnight meeting of Burr and Hamilton.

Burr didn’t actually support the constitution.

Angelica was married long before this, so I don’t know why it’s just being brought up now-- oh wait. LMM is back on his hamgelica bullcrap.

John Jay got sick after writing four, came back to write the fifth, then got sick again and ditched Hamilton and James Madison.

Hamilton did not write all 51 essays on his own, he collaborated on a few with Madison.

Hamilton was not immediately offered the position of Treasury Secretary. It was first offered to Madison, who declined, and then it was offered to Hamilton.

Most of the time, Hamilton was upset that he had to leave his family for work and wrote them often when he was away. From this point onward in the show, Hamilton’s character and personality are getting more and more inaccurate. He was not the selfish, self-centred man we see in the show. In reality, he was a kind man who loved his family but oftentimes made bad decisions due to his bad habit of acting without thought or planning.

ACT II

What’d I Miss

Daveed Diggs is cool, but I don’t understand why so many straight girls are so obsessed with him.

“Pissed him off until we had a two-party system” that’s pretty much true and it’s stupid.

He was in Paris for 5 years. It's not that long.

The “Sally be a lamb” line makes me so upset because it is so disrespectful to Sally Hemmings. I wish LMM left her out completely.

“I am to be the secretary of state, great!” Jefferson was not very happy about being appointed to the secretary of state because he wanted to stay at Monticello and do his own thing.

“I can’t believe that we are free” it’s ironic that Jefferson of all people says that line.

Mr. Madison, that’s not very COVID friendly of you.

Jefferson knew Hamilton for a bit before he went to France, and they did get along outside of politics.

Cabinet Battle #1

I hate how cocky and self-centred Jefferson is here because 1) it’s annoying as hell, and 2) the real Thomas Jefferson was not. He was quiet and shy.

“Imagine what gon’ happen when you try to tax our whiskey.” funny you should say that, Mr. Jefferson. Neither Jefferson nor Madison were not involved with the whiskey rebellion. They were silent on the issue because they made a deal with Hamilton (which I will talk more about in a few songs.) However, Hamilton-- the guy Jefferson is talking to in this scene-- was involved in the whiskey rebellion. He doesn’t have to “Imagine what gon’ happen,” he was there. More info on the whiskey tax and rebellion can be found here.

“We almost died in a trench, while you were off getting high with the french” Jefferson wasn’t in France during the war.

I’m glad the topic of slavery is being brought up, but it could’ve done in a different way instead of just a clap back in a rap battle.

“Madison, you mad as a hatter, son take your medicine” Hamilton is such a hypocrite here. Did he forget the time he almost died of a fever when he was 10? Or when he almost died of a fever in Albany in 1778? Or the fact that on multiple occasions he overworked himself so hard that he got sick? Or his kidney problems? Or--

“You’re gonna need congressional approval and you don’t have the votes!” Jefferson and Madison literally helped him get the votes. (again, I’ll explain later.)

“Well, James Madison won’t talk to me.” He used to. A lot. Hamilton and Madison used to be really good friends until Jefferson returned from France and Madison drifted to his side.

Take a Break

I don’t know how long her trip lasted, but I doubt that Angelica was with Eliza and the kids on their trip upstate. She came to visit in 1789, and the Reynolds affair started in 1791. However, I have no concrete evidence that she left before the affair started, so maybe she was there. I don’t know.

Ah yes, Alexander “I Don’t Care About My Family” Hamilton.

“I have a sister but I want a little brother” by 1791 (when this scene takes place using Philip’s age as a reference) Phillip had 2 brothers already.

While the Schuyler Mansion is near a park, there’s no lake. Today, at least. There’s a swimming pool though.

“I noticed a comma in the middle of a phrase,” shut up shut up shut up.

“With a comma after “dearest,” you’ve written: “My dearest, Angelica”” I hate how obsessed LMM is with this stupid comma, yet doesn’t say anything about the multiple suggestive and romantic letter between Laurens and Hamilton.

Speaking of the comma situation, it was meant as a joke. What had happened was Angelica sent a letter to Hamilton with “my dearest, Alexander '' and put the comma by mistake. She just slipped up with her grammar. And in response, Hamilton wrote “my dearest, Angelica” as a joke to tease her about it. It’s not romantic. It was meant. As. A. Joke.

John Adams was vice president. I'd say that’s a real job.

Angelica, stop being all “I came all this way :((“ he doesn’t want to miss out on the trip, but he has to. If he had a choice he would definitely go with his family.

Say No To This

I hate how this song demonizes Mary Lewis (more commonly known as Maria Reynolds) like she was trying to get out of an abusive marriage??? And Hamilton was like “oof that sux wanna bang?”

The heterosexual energy in this scene overwhelms me (/j)

The first letter (that I have found) from James Reynolds to Hamilton was sent on December 15, 1791, so not “a month into this endeavour.”

I will note here that in the letter mentioned above, it sounds nothing like what we hear in the song. Which makes me question if the above letter is even the one Hamilton the musical is talking about.

Because of limited information, I cannot say whether this scene is accurate or not.

“I don’t know about any letter!” she most certainly did. Mary and Reynolds both sent letters to Hamilton concerning the affair.

The Room Where It Happens

This is the song I was talking about when I said I’d talk more about the deal between Jefferson and Madison and Hamilton.

Washington was the one who proposed that this dinner happen.

Clermont street was renamed Mercer street in 1799, the dinner table bargain (what this song is about) was in 1790. Before the Hamilton-Reynolds affair. Yet another wrinkle in the timeline.

“Now how you gonna get your debt plan through?” “I guess I’m gonna finally have to listen to you” well, Hamilton didn’t really “talk less, smile more” his way through the issue. He did-- as he usually does-- quite a lot of talking

“Well, hate the sin, love the sinner” doesn’t sit right with me because it is sometimes used as a homophobic remark.

Jefferson’s account of the bargain on the assumption and residence bills is what this scene is about.

Madison did not hate Hamilton until Jefferson returned from France.

Leslie Odom Jr. is so, so talented.

There is nothing to suggest that Burr wanted to be there. I don’t even think he knew it happened.

Schuyler Defeated

Not much to say here, it's a short and forgettable song.

Cabinet Battle #2

I don’t like how much Jefferson says “we.” He wasn’t there. He wasn’t a soldier.

“Smells like new money, dresses like fake royalty” Hamilton was known for his colourful clothes, while Jefferson was known for dressing sloppily.

“Lafayette’s a smart man, he’ll be fine.” yeah, uh, he was imprisoned in Austria at the time…

“You’re nothing without Washington behind you.” Hamilton was a very powerful man. One of the most powerful, next to Washington. Even with Washington gone, he still held a lot of power and was pretty well-known.

Washington On Your Side

“Thanks to Hamilton, our cabinet’s fractured into factions.” Hamilton is probably one of the biggest reasons the two-party system exists, but Jefferson did play a role as well. To put it simply, Hamilton and the federalists disagreed so much with Jefferson and the democratic-republicans that everything just got split in two.

“And dresses like the pits of fashion” look at the point from the above song.

“Somebody gives me some dirt on this vacuous mass” it really wasn’t that hard to find dirt on Hamilton. He had a controversial past, and could sometimes be a really shady guy. However, it was all for-- at least in his own head-- good reason.

Because of how close Hamilton and Washington were, Hamilton had a lot of power, and Washington backed him up quite a lot.

James Madison gets so little lines in this show, and it makes me kind of upset. Hamilton and Madison were pretty close friends for a few years, so I don’t know why LMM didn’t talk at all about that.

“This immigrant isn’t somebody we chose” yes, but Washington chose him. Don’t like him? take it up with Washington.

One Last Time

Jefferson did not step “down so he can run for president,” he stepped down to go home. To relax at his mansion, to get away from politics. He stepped down in 1793 and didn’t run for president until 1796.

This song is actually really good, and pretty accurate. And good lord Chris Jackson can sing. Gives me chills every time.

I Know Him

Adams did know King George III. and from what I have read, he was very nervous to meet him.

“That’s that little guy who spoke to me” of course he’s little to the king, the king was like 6’6”.

The Adams Administration

The Adams Pamphlet was published in 1800.

The new york post wasn’t founded until 1801, so I find it odd that they’re bringing it up in this song, in 1797.

Adams did not fire Hamilton, he stepped down on his own in 1795.

Hamilton’s response to Adams’ taunts hurt Hamilton’s reputation a lot more than it hurt Adams’.

We Know

This takes place in 1792 before Adams was president.

Jefferson, Madison and Burr were not the people to confront Hamilton. It was James Monroe, Frederick Muhlenberg, and Abraham Venable.

The whole situation with the speculation of embezzled funds is pretty off from what we see here. What happened was James Reynolds embezzled $500 and tried to get his way out of imprisonment by saying he had dirt on Hamilton. Monroe, Muhlenberg, and Venable went to Hamilton and Hamilton explained “no, I didn’t embezzle government money, I just got my dick sucked.”

“Yes, I have reasons for shame,” yeah you think?

Hurricane

The workshop version is better, and it has Laurens in it.

The Reynolds Pamphlet

Gotta give Hamilton credit for not publishing this until after William S. Hamilton was born and then waiting for the stress of a new baby to be gone. Y’know at least he’s considerate.

Eliza was only gone for the summer of ‘91, so I don’t know why everyone’s acting like she was gone the whole time.

Hamilton didn’t even want to be a president, and never showed any interest in the position.

Angelica was already in America at the time, she didn’t just travel because of the affair.

The king has no reason to be here. I get that he’s the comedic relief, but this isn’t a scene where comedic relief is needed. It’s a serious situation.

“His poor wife” yeah, but have you ever stopped to think about what Mary Lewis is going through?

Burn

“You have ruined our lives.” The ‘our’ is referring to Eliza and Mary Lewis.

Blow Us All Away

George Eaker said many bad things about Hamilton in a fourth of July public speech, but Philip Hamilton didn’t meet him and challenge him to the duel until late November of 1801.

Speaking of 1801, this happens way after the Reynolds affair and the election of 1800.

Hamilton didn’t know that the duel happened. Philip lied and told his father that it had been resolved. Hamilton later found out that it happened when John B. Church and a few others told him after it happened that Philip was shot and dying.

“Everything is legal in New Jersey.” duelling was illegal in some form or another in every state, but the punishment was less severe in New Jersey.

The guns Philip (and his father 3 years later) used in the duel belonged to John B. Church. They were not Hamilton’s guns.

Eaker didn’t shoot on 7. They both counted to 10 and stood still for an awkward minute before Philip raised his gun to fire into the air, and Eacker got scared that Philip would shoot him and shot Philip.

Stay Alive (Reprise)

When Hamilton arrived at the home of dr. David Hosack (the doctor treating Philip) he reportedly fainted from anxiety.

Eliza’s scream should have been Angelica Hamilton, as she had a mental breakdown after the death of her brother, and was arguably (out of the rest of her siblings) the most hurt by his death.

It’s Quiet Uptown

Hamilton was really hurt by the death of his son. It was probably what broke him the most out of every death he’s seen in his life-- and he’s seen a lot.

“I take the children to church on Sunday,” after Philip’s death, Hamilton and his family became a lot more religious.

“His hair has gone grey,” there is a portrait of Hamilton shortly after his son’s death, and he looks like he’s aged 10 years. He looks old and sad and in grief. It barely looks like him.

Eliza would have forgiven Hamilton at this point. She forgave him not too long after the Reynolds pamphlet was published.

The Election of 1800

This happened before Philip’s duel, but you already knew that.

“I’m going door-to-door.” “You’re openly campaigning?” “Sure!” Burr was the first presidential candidate to openly campaign and set the standard for modern American politics.

They were tied for a stupidly long time. And when they finally got untied (by Hamilton and the federalists’ promotions and persuasion) it was by just a few votes. Not “in a landslide.”

Burr did end up being Jefferson’s vice-president. Jefferson didn’t change that.

Your Obedient Servant

This is a situation, much like the Reynolds affair, where no one is in the “right” or the “wrong.” Was it wrong for Burr to shoot Hamilton? Yes, absolutely. Was it wrong for Hamilton to say bad things about Burr and constantly keep him away from what he wanted? Yes, absolutely. But on the other side, was it wrong for Burr to be mad about what Hamilton did? No, he had every right to be angry. Was it wrong for Hamilton to speak his mind? No, freedom of speech and all that. It’s a very fuzzy situation and that’s partly why it’s unclear what exactly happened on the duelling ground.

While Burr’s loss of the elections was a reason for his duel with Hamilton, it was not the main reason. There were a bunch of little things that led up to this. A question I’ve been asked before (quite a few times, honestly) is “if Burr won the election/if Hamilton promoted Burr, would the duel still have happened?” and in my opinion, I think it still would have happened, it would have probably just happened later. Because the duel wasn’t the “breaking point” for Burr, it was just one of those little things that led to it.

Also while I’m on the topic of the election, it happened a few years before the duel. The election of 1800 was on March 4, 1801 (yes, 1801. It was tied for a very long time.) The duel was on July 11, 1804. So not directly afterward.

“Just to keep me from winning.” it is true that Hamilton did not trust Burr to be in power, and did everything he could to stop him.

The workshop version is cooler and more accurate. (if LMM had just kept the workshop version and what was in it I probably wouldn’t be writing TBH)

“I am not the reason no one trusts you,” in a way, yes, Hamilton is the reason no one trusts Burr. Hamilton had a lot of power and a lot of people listened to him. A good example of this would be his role during John Adams’ presidency. Hamilton constantly whispered into Adams’ cabinet members’ ears and basically told them what to do. And they believed him, and did what he said.

“Even if I said what you think I said, you would need to cite a more specific grievance. Here’s an itemized list of 30 years of disagreements.” Hamilton and Burr argued so much and Hamilton said so many bad things about him that when Burr asked him to admit to saying these things Hamilton essentially said “yeah well I’ve said a lot about you so you’re gonna have to be a lot more specific because I don’t know which time you’re referring to.”

Best of Wives, Best of Women

The title (and the line in the song) are a reference to this letter.

Hamilton was not with his wife the night before the duel. He was at a house he had rented in new york city that he stayed in sometimes while away for work. A few of his older sons were with him, though, including John C. Hamilton, who was interviewed many years later and gave a retelling of what happened the night before. You can read it here.

The World Was Wide Enough

“A doctor that he knew” was David Hosak, the same doctor who treated Philip after his duel just 3 years earlier.

“Now, I didn’t know this at the time but we were near the same spot your son died,” I’m fairly sure he knew, Philip’s duel was a pretty big thing and a lot of people knew.

“My fellow soldiers tell you I’m a terrible shot.” Burr was actually a very good shot. There’s even an account of him doing target practice a few days before the duel.

“But look it up, Hamilton was wearing his glasses,” Hamilton put on his glasses because he was old, and had bad vision from his years of service in the revolution, and from how hard he worked. Fun fact, he was facing the rising sun, which meant the sun glared off his glasses, rendering him unable to see clearly. He wouldn’t have been able to shoot Burr if he tried.

“This man will not make an orphan of my daughter.” Burr’s daughter, Theodosia, was 22 and married. I’m sure she would be fine. On the other hand, Hamilton’s kids were very young. The oldest, Angelica, was only 19, and the youngest, Philip II, was only 2. These kids all needed a father figure in their life, but apparently, Burr didn’t consider that.

In the lines "Laurens leads a soldiers’ chorus on the other side / My son is on the other side, he's with my mother on the other side / Washington is watching from the other side," it seems like they’re being listed in a very particular order but I’m not sure what it means or why they’re in that order.

Hamilton quotes Laurens’ lines right before he dies and it makes me think of a conversation I had with a friend. She was telling me about how for some time after Laurens’ death, Hamilton didn’t really speak that much in congress and such. At first, I thought “oh it’s because he’s dealing with the death of his closest friend and possible romantic partner,” but then my friend explained that that’s not why he was quiet. It’s because when Laurens was in South Carolina, trying to convince the house of representatives to give him his black battalion, he didn’t talk that much. He waited for everyone else to talk, and then he jumped in and talked. That’s why Hamilton was silent for a lot of the time. He was doing what Laurens did. He was quoting Laurens.

“They row him back across the Hudson, I get a drink.” After shooting Hamilton, Burr went to his cousin’s house as if nothing had happened.

Burr showed seemingly no regret for shooting Hamilton, and even bragged and joked about it for years after.

Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story

“Every other founding father’s story gets told,” it really is kinda sad how little people know about Hamilton. He’s not taught about in school. He wasn’t a president.

I do wish that the musical talked a bit more about Hamilton’s kids and their contribution to keeping Hamilton's story alive. Especially John C. who went through all of his father’s papers and wrote the first biography on him.

FINAL THOUGHTS

I really wish the Laurens-Hamilton relationship was a bigger part of the show.

The actors are amazing, but the people they play have little to no character/personality, and it kinda brings the actors down.

I love Phillipa soo.

There are so many inaccuracies that could have been easily avoided, and I genuinely don’t understand why LMM did some of the things he did. Like there was no reason to make Angelica the love interest. Absolutely no reason. And yet, here we are.

Hamilton, the musical was a great way to make more people interested in history, but unfortunately because of how wrong the show is, a lot of people who gain an interest in history from it think that it’s 100% right and treat it like a documentary. I would know, I became interested in American history because of the musical and I didn’t know how many things were wrong or left out until recently.

The workshop version was better and more accurate.

And that’s it! I’d like to give a big thanks to my friends who helped me, especially my friend Mary.

#gil writes #gil's hamilton musical essay #im actually so proud of this #please dont let this flop

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toplinetommy · 4 years ago

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Redefining Home - Matthew Tkachuk

Synopsis: After spending months with Matthew in his childhood home in St. Louis, it’s time for him to go back to Calgary, and the reality of your normally long-distance relationship settles back in.

Words: 2k

A/N: very brief mention of the pandemic, gif credit @matthewtkafuck

Three months - almost four; that’s how long you had spent close to every second of every day with Matthew and the entirety of the Tkachuk family. It was a huge change in the way you and Matthew experienced your relationship. Over the past year and a half of your relationship, the entire of it was spent as long-distance.

You had met Matthew when you had just started your career in Chicago, working for your dream company, living in an apartment your younger self could only dream of. Matthew had been in town for a game against the Chicago Blackhawks. They had won, the younger guys on the team opting to go out to celebrate, while you and some of your roommates were celebrating a birthday. One thing led to another and you had quite literally bumped into Matthew’s tall and broad frame while chasing your extremely drunk friend.

That night your friend ended up finding the rest of your group and you seemed to be glued to Matthew’s side the second you guys made eye contact. Sure you got yelled at by your friends the following morning about how you ditched them, but in the long run, no one could complain. You had gotten the handsome, curly-headed NHL player’s phone number with absolutely no intention to ever use it. That was until a few days later a text from an unsaved number popped up, saying it was Matthew from the bar a few nights ago.

With him being a professional athlete in not only another country, but a different timezone, your guys’ relationship had started off with what most people would classify as a friendship based around your clear attraction for one another. Texting each other a few times a day turned into texting all day, every day, which then turned into facetiming any chance the two of you could get. Whether that be during your lunch break at work, him on the team bus to the airport, when you were walking down the city blocks of downtown Chicago, or him skipping his pre-game naps to just to hear your voice.

Your relationship started to shift from two friends to two people that were clearly interested in one another trying to figure out how to discuss those feelings when you were never in the same city and rarely in the same timezone. After weeks of pestering and some convincing from your roommate, you had agreed to get on a plane when Matthew had a string of home back-to-backs one weekend. He convinced you to come to see him play in person and then he could officially give you the wine and dine experience he told you you deserved.

That one weekend trip turned into you visiting him any weekend you could when he was in Calgary and even some when he was in various other cities. It was weekends away with him in his Calgary apartment and him flying into Chicago to spent time with you and your roommates with the very little free time he got.

Weeks and weeks of flying around the North American continent and late-night facetimes when you weren’t together passed by before he had asked you to be his girlfriend to which you excitedly said yes to that one night in his Calgary apartment.

Those weekends spent flying in an out of Chicago were worth it though. Now, here you both were, in Matthew’s childhood home in St. Louis planning for what your guys’ next move was once he got on his flight back to Calgary to start training camp before the playoffs.

You’re sitting on the large sectional in the family living room, your feet laying across Matthews’s lap as he mindlessly rubs his thumb along your shins. You shiver at one particular stroke of his thumb causing Matthew to giggle and playfully squeeze your leg. You kick him playfully while sticking your tongue out, hoping to pull his attention from the tv show playing in front of you two.

“Matthew,” you try, sticking out your bottom lip in a pout. He turns his head towards you raising his eyebrows as he hums out his response. Even though he’s facing you now, his gaze is still focused on the tv in front of him so you try again.

“Matty,” you try again, this time dragging out his name in a whine.

“Yeah, baby?”

“Give me attention.”

“Y/n, we‘re watching tv there’s only so much attention I can give you,” he reasons. He moves one of his hands further up your leg, reaching out to grab one of yours. He pulls your hand, making you sit up from where you’re leaning back against the couch. He continues to pull you until you’re curled into his side, head on his shoulders and legs still in his lap.

He places his hand atop your head, flattening the stray strands of hair before placing a kiss there. Once his lips leave the crown of your head, he keeps his hand there as he continues to push his fingers through your hair and watch the show playing on the tv screen.

You mindlessly move your body around, faking uncomfortableness in order for Matthew to abandon the show and give you his full attention. Once you’ve moved your hand across his chest for what felt like the 50th time in five minutes, Matthew grabs the remote next to him pausing the show.

“What’s on your mind?”

“You’re leaving again in a few days, just wanna spend as much time with you as possible.”

At the admission, Matthew pulls your body further into his lap, maneuvering you so you’re straddling him. He looks into your eyes, noting the soft expression on your face as you look back into his blue eyes.

“Baby,” He starts, his hand wrapped around the side of your neck, thumb resting on your jaw. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

“But you’ll be back here and I’ll be back in Chicago.”

“And I’ll come see you when the season’s over, just like I did last year.”

“I don’t know if that’s what I want anymore.” You let out barely above a whisper. Matthew jolts at your response, slightly pushing yourself body away from his as he leans back into the couch cushions trying to put as much space between the two of you he can.

“What?”

“No, not like that,” you smile. “I love you, you idiot, you aren’t getting rid of me that easy. I just meant being apart.”

Matthew sighs heavily at your clarification, his thighs relaxing underneath you. You place your hands around his neck, leaning your body into him.

“I thought you were okay with us doing distance? It’s been working so far, hasn’t it?”

“It was, yeah, I don’t know. I just had this plan and then this whole pandemic hit and you let me come stay here these past few months and it’s just been so nice being around you all the time. It was working before, it just doesn’t seem like the ideal choice anymore.”

“But you had your plan. You’re gonna work your ass off until you get your promotion, then we were gonna talk about moving in together.”

“I know but my perspective has changed,” you start. “How am I supposed to just go back to Chicago without you, not knowing when we’ll see each other again when I got to have some of the best three months of my life with you here in St. Louis. It’s like I didn’t know how amazing it would be to be around you nonstop and now that I know what it’s like I’m not sure I can just go back to Chicago and how we were.”

Matthew tilts his head to look more directly at your face that’s now laying on his chest. He moves his hand to your head, tilting it upwards to meet his gaze. Instead of responding right away, he opts to lean in and place his lips on yours in a gentle kiss that expresses his love for you.

“I love you, so much, baby.” He assures you.

“I love you.”

“So you’re saying that you don’t want to do distance anymore?”

“I don’t think I can, especially not after knowing what it’s like to live with you.” You reiterate.

“I don’t want you to put me before your career, especially when I’ll be gone half the season on the road,” Matthew speaks lowly. He knows the weight of the decision you’re pondering and wants to make sure it’s the right one.

“I want to be with you Matty, all the time, no matter what.” You move away from him, trying to get a better look at his facial features as you speak. “I’ll start looking for jobs in Calgary tomorrow even.”

“You’re serious?” Matthew laughs, eyebrows raised.

“100 percent.” You smile widely, leaning in towards Matthew’s face to touch your lips to his. His eyes stare into yours until your lips meet in a very giggly and teeth-filled kiss. A kiss that’s full of pure elation at the decision the two of you just made.

“It’s more than just getting a job, it’s in a whole new country.” He breathes against your lips.

“We’ll figure it out.”

“Instead of you just moving into my place, let’s find a new apartment. My lease ends in November, you can come up then and we can look for a new place. Our place.”

“Can it at least have the same floor-to-ceiling windows you have in your place now?” You request with glee.

“Anything my girl wants, she gets.” Matthew laughs, giving you one more quick kiss and a squeeze at your waist. “Is it selfish of me to say I’m thankful for this quarantine, then? I get you with me 24/7 now.”

You laugh at his suggestion, “How did I get so lucky?”

Brady and Keith both walk in the room as you finish talking, Brady instantly chirping his brother. “You’re the lucky one? I’m pretty sure Matthew’s the lucky one in your relationship.”

Matthew pushes your body away from his, grabbing the decorative pillow next to him and throwing it at his brother’s moving figure. You laugh as the pillow missing Brady and hits Keith instead, who instantly scolds his oldest son.

“You guys look awfully happy.” He comments.

Matthew looks back at you, silently asking for your approval on sharing the news before you nod your head yes. “We’re moving in together.”

“Three months with us and you’re still choosing to move in with him?” Brady chirps once again. “I’m surprised he hasn’t run you out of St. Louis yet.” Keith looks at his younger son at this, giving him a stern look telling him to shut up.

“Congratulations guys,” Keith smiles. “Y/n, whatever happens, don’t get roped into doing his laundry all the time. Despite his complaining, he does know how to do it.”

Matthew rolls his eyes at his family members’ chirps, still basking in the excitement that was your guys’ relationship’s next step. You couldn’t agree more with his earlier statement - you had to be thankful for being stuck at the Tkachuk family home for three months. It took your relationship to the next level, even with the very close encounters where you were sure Matthew was getting under your skin just to piss you off. Matthew was your best friend and you couldn’t wait to be a part-time Canadian, something he liked to call himself with his career. Being with him all day for the past few months only reaffirmed your deep love for the curly-headed boy who sat underneath you.

#matthew tkachuk imagine #matthew tkachuk #alex writes #nhl imagine #chucky the rat

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wherethingscomebackx · 5 years ago

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Top 25 Larry fics of 2019

It’s that time again!

You may be familiar with these lists:

Top 25 Larry fics of 2016

Top 25 Larry fics of 2017

Top 25 Larry fics of 2018

As always, I read a lot of fic and the majority of it is Larry. I like making lists and I like Larry so I thought I’d do some minimal research of the top 25 larry fics published/completed in 2019 in order of least to most kudos (with links). All of these fics are top notch so you should all check them out!

25.) Foolishy Laying Our Hearts on the Table by @runaway-train-works (11k)

“You think Harry wants that?”

“Dunno. Maybe. Wanna make him happy.” Harry takes advantage of the red light he’s pulled up to turn and look properly at Louis’ face. He’s not even looking in Harry’s direction though, focused instead on something out of his side window, head drooped, mindlessly playing with the string of his hoodie between his fingers, lost in his own world somewhere. For some reason, it makes Harry’s spine straighten.

“Because he’s your best mate?” Harry questions carefully.

“He’s my boyfriend.”

He couldn’t have heard him right. “What?”

Louis releases a deep breath, still not turning around. Harry wonders who he thinks he’s talking to right now. “He’s so pretty. Want to kiss him all day long. And buy him a big house and give him presents and marry him.”

The one where Harry is in love with his best friend Louis but doesn't think he stands a chance until some wisdom teeth and a rather unusual confession might just change his mind.

24.) Tainted Saints And Velvet Vices by @toomanydreamers (126k)

A self-fulfilling Hogwarts AU in which Louis is new to seventh year and Harry is the resident devil-may-care Slytherin set to make his entire experience a living misery. Due to less than favourable circumstances they're forced to forge an unwilling, tentative relationship for their own survival. Repressed emotions, decidedly unromantic ballroom dancing, Triwizard Tournament tasks, creative jinxes and twilight flying above the Forbidden Forest ensue.

23.) all we can do is keep breathing by @avocadolouie (310k)

“Harry, I-I’m so sorry…” Louis stutters out, trying to keep his voice level and even, to portray a depiction of strength, but with the way Harry is looking at him, staring at him like he has a personal passage way straight to Louis’ soul, it’s so hard, nearly impossible.

That simple opening phrase, that short introductory acknowledgement that is often rushed out so easily, painlessly, at a safe distance. Giving a doctor the ability to portray empathy without true emotion, without feeling the full brunt and sheer force of the underlying pain itself.

But Louis feels it, he feels the crushing agony laced behind the phrase, he feels the weight of the painful words slipping from his lips, the cause and effect that the three-word expression holds. The distantly empty “I’m so sorry” that doctors throw out in self-preservation, isn’t at all empty for him. Louis recognizes it, he understands it, he feels it.

a fated story of two broken and battered boys who barely survived the unimaginable and how the love of one little brave girl defies all the odds and somehow puts them back together.

22.) Raise a Glass to the Four of Us by @2tiedships2 (25k)

Louis stared at his luggage.

Well. Apparently not his luggage, because the clothing he was looking at currently was a: worth more than everything he currently possessed, b: not his size at all, and c: more suited for a fancy ass lawyer than a holiday in NYC with his best mates.

“Ooh, nice loafers,” Niall said as he pulled one out of the suitcase. “I love the rainbows.”

“Okay,” Liam began. “What do you want to do first? Eat, shop for new clothes, or spend hours on the phone with the airline?”

Louis continued to stare at the luggage.

21.) You Have to Retreat to Advance by @2tiedships2 (18k)

“What am I going to do, Perrie? I can’t go on this retreat by myself. My boss literally said he wants to meet my omega.” Harry paused. “Okay, not literally but he definitely expects me to be bringing him.”

“Don’t people go on these things by themselves?” Perrie asked.

Harry shrugged. “Of course but that’s not the point.”

“What’s the point?”

“My boss is expecting to meet my omega! I don’t have an omega!”

“Is this a paying gig?” Perrie asked.

“You mean paying an omega to spend the weekend with me? I’m sure the resort has nice amenities. Does that count?”

“I take that as a no,” Perrie said with an eye roll. “It’s okay, Louis might be willing to do it for free.”

“Who’s Louis?”

Or the one where Harry is expected to bring his longterm omega to the company's mountain retreat. Since he hadn't told anyone that they'd broken up months ago, he now has to find someone willing to play the part.

20.) A Darker Shade of Love by LittleSpoonStyles94 (750k)

Louis is a 30 year old multi-billionaire with a very dark past. He is violent and is a sadist with a taste for pain. Harry Styles is a 19 year old student who sets out to London after being kicked out by his homophobic father to follow his dreams. He wants to go to the best University to study but he needs a lot of money so he starts to work as a part time stripper at a gay club to support his studies and his life. The club he works at, Garland's, is part owned by Louis Tomlinson. When they meet, its life changing for the both of them.

19.) You Still Make Sense to Me by @amories (37k)

Harry, Louis, and their family navigate life together through the years.

18.) Like Water Over Fire (Like Water On Fire) by @mcssymon (119k)

“I’m sorry your highness, I think I misheard you, did you really say that you are hoping to meet your husband?” Oh god, Louis panicked. Was Prince Harry gay? Was he even allowed to be gay? Surely he wouldn’t be allowed to have a selection from a group of men, right?

Prince Harry looked partly like he wanted to laugh, but also very, very nervous about what he had just admitted, “Yes, sir, you heard correctly”

Or Prince Harry has 46 men and 13 weeks to find the husband of his dreams, Louis has a limited amount to time to live out a royal fantasy. They might just be exactly what the other needs.

17.) waiting for the tides to meet by @nauticalleeds (59k)

Louis lets out a deep breath, thinking about Harry’s soulmate. Thinking about how Harry’s soulmate is probably as beautiful as Harry, some person that Louis cannot compare to, and how the universe has chosen them to be Harry’s. Fuck the universe. “Fuck you,” he calls out to the universe. He’s aware of how crazy he sounds.

Maybe he is crazy, with how he’s falling for Harry. And fuck that, too.

Soulmate AU. Everyone is born with heterochromia — one eye is their own eye colour, while the other is the colour of their soulmate's. It's only when they meet their soulmate for the first time that their own eyes match properly. After a hazy night at a frat party, Louis wakes up to blue eyes and the shocking realization that he had met his soulmate, without any sober recollection. Seven years pass where Louis comes to terms with the fact that he'll never know who his soulmate is. Then one fated summer, a beautiful green-eyed photographer arrives at Louis' workplace, with promises of endless laughter and a familiar feeling in Louis' heart.

Featuring a lovely cup of OT5, a road trip down the coast, and a scene where Harry eats a whole head of lettuce. Don't ask why.

16.) Call Answered by @vondrostes (249k)

The day after his 27th birthday, Harry Styles attempts suicide. Louis is flown to his bedside to unravel the mystery of why he did it after a flash drive is found with a note attached, addressed to Louis. On it are a collection of 78 songs, all written for different dates from their past.

15.) Counterbalance by @louandhazaf (44k)

Harry Styles loves two things: teaching ballet and racing motorcycles. Those two worlds collide when his greatest rival on the track, Louis “Tommo” Tomlinson brings his tiny siblings to Harry’s class.

14.) Everywhere and Nowhere by @2tiedships2 (16k)

Niall took a seat and said, "Apparently Louis' downstairs neighbor is a fan of giving Louis creepy gifts. Maybe I should go introduce myself and tell him that Louis actually prefers food."

"What has he given you?" Liam asked.

Louis shrugged as it were no big deal. "There was a rabbit's foot keychain on the door a little after he left from introducing himself and there was a small teddy bear sitting by my door tonight. Obviously I can't prove it's from him, but they seem to have his scent. I could be wrong though."

"Wow," Liam said, looking deep in thought. "That's old school."

"What's old school?" Niall asked. "Giving creepy gifts?"

"I've never known an alpha to do it, to be honest, but he's courting you."

Louis couldn't contain his look of disbelief directed at Liam. "He's courting me. Like some sort of romantic shit they'd do in the 1800s or something?"

13.) Swallow The Knife by whoknows (76k)

“You came,” Louis says, still breathless, clinging to Harry, uncaring that his sweat is getting all over Harry’s presumably clean dad shirt, or that he’s making Harry hold up all of his weight.

“Of course I came,” Harry says. He shifts, one arm curled underneath Louis’ arse, the other spreading wide in the middle of Louis’ back. “If I ignored you every time you pissed me off we would have stopped being friends a long time ago.”

Louis already knows that, of course. It doesn’t do anything to stop the pleased squirm in his belly every time Harry proves it, though. They fight like nobody’s business, both of them too stubborn to pull their punches when they’re arguing, and it used to get them in trouble, but they always make up.

Adrenaline makes Louis loose-lipped, and they both know it. He tightens his arms around Harry’s neck, buries his face in his hair. “I missed you,” he confesses, quiet. “Doesn’t feel the same up there by myself.”

12.) and oh, all of your saturdays could end up in woe by ihavetoomuchfreetime (70k)

a fic in which louis' in a long-term relationship with an abusive asshole, niall, zayn and liam are so far but not really, and harry is that all too friendly guy who works in sainsbury's.

11.) thinking about the t-shirt you slept in by @absoloutenonsense (52k)

Harry's alpha fraternity donates to a local thrift shop (because of Liam's latent crush on a cute beta in his lecture). Louis' financial situation (and confusing omega instincts) lead him to make some interesting fashion purchases. Lots of pizza, feelings, and not-really-lying.

10.) Consequences by @allwaswell16 (78k)

Two years ago Harry let his powerful family come between him and the love of his life, something he deeply regrets. Louis has tried to move on from their devastating break up. Sometimes, he even thinks he has. It only takes one moment to freeze them back in time.

An amnesia au

9.) Strawberries & Cigarettes by @dimpled-halo (76k)

Harry looks up and immediately freezes. Next to Ms. Archie stands the boy from just the other day. The boy with the leather jacket and chipped black nails, that might or might not be sketched in the very book Harry has just placed on the table in front of him. The leather jacket is missing today, probably because they aren’t allowed as part of their required uniform attire, but Harry can still see the fading black nail polish on his nails, and eyeliner around his eyes. Harry’s mouth goes a little dry. This boy is so intriguing to him.

“Ye-yes, Ms. Archie?” Harry tries to play it cool, but he’s almost positive that his cheeks are burning red, and he’s relieved neither of them can tell how fast his heart is beating in his chest.

The boy seems to also recognize Harry, because his lips curve into a knowing smirk.

“Harry is at the top of his class. He’s your best bet at getting familiar with things around here.” She explains.

Louis nods, his smirk still very prominent on his face. “Thank you Ms. Archie. I’ll be sure to take advantage of young Harold here.”

Summary: Two stories, eleven years, and the two boys that never stopped loving each other.

8.) Pain makes people change by Deidei (113k)

An organization called Canis Lupus existed solely for changing humans imprisoned in their wolf form back to their human form. Some people after experiencing some traumatic event can only ‘’protect’’ themselves from the pain by forgetting everything. To do that, to feel safe, they shift into their wolf form.

Which they'll be stuck in forever should no one intervene.

Louis Tomlison went through a traumatic experience at the age of twelve in which he lost his mother, to make the pain go away he shifted into a wolf and fled. He survived in the wild as a wolf for five years until Canis Lupis caught him... Though he wasn't alone, he had a pup at his side.

7.) Pretty Please (With Sugar On Top) by @angelichl (113k)

Harry is a sugar baby omega who cons rich alphas for a living. Louis is a rich alpha with too much self-control.

6.) Enemies with benefits by ssii8 (267k)

Where Harry is captain of basketball team and Louis is captain of football team and they hate each other. But somehow this doesn't stop them from having sex.

And everything is perfect until they start to feel something more.

5.) Ready To Fall by whoknows (21k)

“Ninety and rising,” Nick says triumphantly, as though making Harry’s heartbeat pick up by thrusting an obscenely attractive person in front of his face is any kind of success. “Louis Tomlinson has just walked into our control room and suddenly our dear Harry Styles has lost all ability to speak. Could this be some kind of strange coincidence?”

“I hate you,” Harry hisses, forcing his eyes back into Nick’s direction, uncaring that the mic must have picked it up. “I thought we agreed that you were going to play fair.”

“I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Nick denies, except he’s holding up a picture of Louis’ face now, sharp cheekbones prominent, soft lashes nearly sweeping against his cheeks as he looks down, and his fucking mouth –

“A hundred and two!” Nick crows, all but clapping his hands together in glee. “The highest it’s ever been!”

“To be fair, I did bend over the desk on purpose,” Louis’ voice comes crackling in the headphones. Harry practically breaks his neck whipping his head around at the sound of it, gaping at him through the glass panel. “You can’t really blame him for getting a little excited about that, can you?”

4.) Close to Nowhere by @angelichl (34k)

“I will kill you in your sleep,” Louis threatened as he quickly stepped out of his jeans.

“I don’t think that would work very well baby, seeing as you talk to dead people all the time.”

“I’ll kill you in your sleep and ignore your ghost. And don’t call me that.”

Louis and Harry are psychics who kind of hate each other. They go to Tennessee to investigate a haunting.

3.) Play Pretend, Find a Friend? by @angelichl (40k)

They had to pull back for air. Louis surveyed the guy’s face, in awe of his blown pupils and sharp jawline, the way their shared spit glistened on his lips.

“Hi,” he breathed. He blinked, and came back to himself a little bit, blushing at his own boldness. “Sorry. Is this okay?”

The stranger removed his right hand from the curve of Louis’ waist in order to cup his jaw, tilting it up to the angle he desired. He pressed their lips together, murmuring, “Definitely.” And then he kissed harder.

When Louis sees his ex-boyfriend kissing a random girl at a party, he acts out of blind jealousy. He kisses the first guy he can find. It turns into a thing.

INSPIRED BY CLOUDS.

2.) Let Me Feel Your Heartbeat by @angelichl (34k)

Harry is 98% sure Louis hates him. So he feels like his bewilderment is justified when the omega offers to help him through his rut.

1.) All My Colours by IceQueenRia (267k)

Green… yellow… red. Red! RED!!!

Some people were born Dominant and others submissive. Sixteen year old Louis Tomlinson was a submissive and was proud to be so… until he was forced to his knees for the first time. The man before him was every subs nightmare, an abusive Dom, the kind who didn’t believe in the colour ‘red’ unless it was in the form of blood.

There were others, but Louis was the ‘favourite’ and he was the one the Dom liked to ‘play with’ the most. In fact, when the rescue team arrived, Louis was the one currently providing ‘service’ to the Dom.

Louis, Zayn and Niall are abused subs. Liam Payne is their devoted new Guidance Counsellor who just wants to make Niall smile and hear Zayn speak. As for Louis, he knows his guidance won’t be enough to help the boy heal. No, Louis Tomlinson needs something very special and very specific. He needs Harry Styles.

#larry #larry stylinson #harry styles #louis tomlinson #fic rec #larry fic rec #one direction #1d #one direction fan fiction #larry fan fiction #larry is real #larry fic #dom/sub fic #alpha/beta/omega verse #1d fan fiction

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linkspooky · 5 years ago

Text

Toga Himiko’s Normal Life

Himiko looks like the most straight forward case of what pop culutre considers to be a classical sociopath / psychopath in My Hero Acadmia. Shigaraki, Dabi, Hawks were all groomed to become the way they were, but Himiko possessed a natural inclination towards blood and violence from the start. She seesm to be a natural born cold blooded killer, however in this meta I’ll argue that while Toga seems like the flip-side of a normal, good person like Uraraka, she’s actually just a normal girl herself.

1. Character Origins

Volume sixteen of My Hero Academia had an official illustration included as an extra that shows the characters Twice and Himiko drawn together in an illusion to a famous Joker and Harley Quinn illustration.

Now, I’m not going so far as to claim Himiko was based off of Harley Quinn, but one the league of villains and characters like Twice (and ReDestro) have made similiar references to the Joker before that especially with the quote “All it takes is one bad day”. There’s also enough similarities betweeen the two characters, they’re both the only female members of a crime syndicate that is mostly men, and dominated by men. Their backstories mirror each other, they were both relatively sane, normal, girls, until suddenly they cracked one day and became a total inversion of their previous presonality. There are enough similarities that I could use Harley as an example to explain a few of the important ideas present in Toga’s character.

They are also both female characters who are written with love as the central concept of their characters. Harley’s origin as originally depicted in the comic and episode for the Batman the Animated Series “Mad Love” goes as follows: Harleen Quinzell was a psychiatrist working at Arkham. Eventualy she came to sympathize with one of her patients which triggered a transformation in her from well meaning doctor, to love-sick sycophant of the joker who broke him out of prison.

A lot of Batman Villains have origins like this. The most comparable one is Harvey Dent. Proescutors, Doctors, we are told the people who hold these jobs are good and righteous people. Even Harley herself started out as someone who just sympathized with a patient too much. However, somehow they become flipped into the exact opposite versions of themselves. They go mad for lack of a better words. Harvey Dent who was once a symbol of justice, becomes nothing more than a murderer, and Harley Quinn goes from healer to the sidekick of a mad clown willing to destroy everything in the name of love.

The question, asked in both Himiko and Harley’s stories is how can good people flip like this?

Most people have a black and white view of these issues: good people are only capable of good actions, and bad people are capable of bad actions. It’s hard to swallow the fact that any normal person has the capacity to cause so much harm inside of them.

We see similiar remarks in the background of Himiko’s story. Himiko comes from a good upper class family, she went to what was most likely a good school, she was always smiling and surrounded by friends. Everyone who comments on her sudden transformation reacts in a similiar way. “She was aways so cheerful and well-behaved, I still find it hard to believe.” She was always such a good girl, and good people don’t do those things.

Normal people, good people, don’t have the capacity to do bad. That’s what makes the transformations so shocking. Therapists/Doctors are supposed to heal, Prosecutors are supposed to be just. And now we return to our old friend Jung.

The story of Harleen Quinzell and Harley Quinn. The story of Himiko Toga the happy middle school girl and Himiko Toga the serial killer is a tale told over and over again, it’s just usually told with male protagonists instead of female ones. It’s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

Robert Louis Stevenson’s The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde (1886) is a late-Victorian variation on ideas first raised in Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein (1818). Stevenson’s monster, however, is not artificially created from stitched-together body parts, but rather emerges fully formed from the dark side of the human personality. In the story Dr Jekyll, an admired member of the professional Victorian middle-classes, conducts a series of scientific experiments which unleash from his own psyche the ‘bestial’ and ‘ape-like’ Mr Hyde (ch. 10). Gothic fiction had examined the idea of the sinister alter ego or double before on many occasions but Stevenson’s genius with Jekyll and Hyde was to show the dual nature not only of one man but also of society in general.

“Man is not one, but truly two.”

Robert Louis Stevenson

Both cases are tales are transformation, of the monster coming from within. Himiko transforms from middle school girl into serial killer. Harleen Quinzell transforms into Harley Quinn. Dr. Jekyll becomes Mr. Hyde. We witness a transformation into a monster that seems the antithesis of everything that person was boefre, but was inside of them all along this works because of the jungian idea of the shadow.

The shadow is the unconscious side of personality. The shadow is what exists but what we do not acknowledge. If our behavior during everyday life, choosing to smile, choosing to talk to people, choosing to use our manners is a mask then the shadow is the face beyond the mask. The conscious personality conceals, the shadow reveals. It’s the difference betewen who we are and who we choose to be. The shadow isn’t necessarily negative however. The shadow is just the repressed side of our personalities, it’s what we try to hide.

The shadow plays a role in Harleen’s transformation. While it’s present in Mad Love as well, a recent miniseries ‘Harleen’ really dives into the Jungian symbolism. There’s even several similarities in common with Himiko’s story, for example there’s a scene where Harleen is shown watching the bat man beat up joker and notice how everyone is cheering despite the fact that it’s violent.

Himiko’s interest in a boy is sparked by watching him get into a fight while everybody else is cheering for him.

The cover page depicts the change between Quinn and Quinnzel as a crumbling mask, which is the exact same imagery used for Himiko.

When she enters Arkham she chooses to depict Harley Quinn’s silhouette in Harleen’s shadow. Once again implying that the transformation is not so sudden and jarring as it seems, that Harley Quinn has always been there and is a part of her psychology the same way Mr. Hyde is inside Dr. Jekyll.

The comic even points it out. Harleen, and also by extension Harvey Dent are people who claim to be “good, righteous people’ and yet both of them end up transforming into murderers. Two-face’s name is literally two-face.

There’s also one particularly Jungian sequence in the middle of the conflict. She dreams (dreams are unconscious and therefore the realm of the shadow in Jung’s theories) about the city of gotham as a place inhabited with citizens who are monsters wearing the faces of human beings.

The idea is consistent throughout that Harleen is not really a ‘good person’ she’s merely repressed. She has had this capacity to be violent inside of her, this selfishness, all of these dark desires carried with her all along but rather than deal with them in any healthy way she repressed them until repressing them is no longer an option. Harvey Dent’s face gets half burned off, Harley’s skinn gets bleached by chemicals, the monsterous features inside of them are now worn on their faces and they have to wear their ugliness on the outside rather than the inside. They are now expressing every single thing they have repressed. However, the suggestion in both stories is that these are not special cases, that Gotham is such a repressed society that everyone is repressing the things they don’t like about themselves in that way. Harley fell in mad love sure, but love was just the reason, just the trigger, the truth is those feelings always lurked inside of her and she had no healthy way of dealing with them before that point.

That is the shadow, it’s everything you repress but it never disappears. If you ignore it, it takes on a life of its own. In some cases, like Harley’s you basically become your own shadow. Harley is the flipped upside down version of Harleen Quinzel, now her inner demons are what are expressed on the surface (desperation to be loved, violence, etc.) while her ‘normal’ self is hidden under a mask of insanity. That’s in fact how she ends the comic, Harley qalking around while Harley is trapped on the other side of the mirror because they have basically traded places. Now Mr. Hyde is walking around, while Dr. Jekyll is hidden personality. But it’s important to remember it’s not something like a split personality, Harleen Quinzell and Harley Quinn were always two sides of the same person. Even when she starts expressing her ‘bad’ traits, the good traits don’t go away. They’re just hidden underneath the surface the way the repressed bad traits used to be. Because you’re not good or bad, you’re not one side or the other. You’re both at the same time. Man is not one, but truly two.

So the complexity in Himiko comes from understanding that she’s BOTH a normal girl, and also a blood crazy yandere psycho.

2. A Normal Girl - Uraraka Ochaco

Uraraka is a pretty standard shonen heroine. She’s a cheerful girl. She’s a supportive friend. She’s the embodiment of what you’d call a good, kind, person and doesn’t seem to be any more complex than that. She lacks say the drive to be a hero that Midoriya does, the superiority complex that Bakugo has, the emotional issues that Todoroki has. She seems to always be agreeable and in a cheerful mood.

If you look just a little bit closer though she always seems to be walking on eggshells when she’s around others. She doesn’t want to join Deku and the others to try to save Bakugo from the heroes because, it might hurt Bakugo’s feelings.

When she loses in the hero tournament, she apologizes to her parents crying not because she feels bad that she lost, but she feels like she failed them. Like it was her job to win and bring money home. However, when Deku comes to check on her in the room she’s already completely hidden her tears.

Going into her backstory we learn that Uraraka is walking on eggshells around everybody due to her own parents, that she’s spent her life trying to be as small of a burden on them as possible because she could see the tired looks on their faces. She’s a child who felt guilty that her parents had to take care of her.

So, for Uraraka her entire life is devoted to making herself seem as small and inconsequential as possible. Other people’s needs will always trump hers. Other people will always have more noble motivations for becoming a hero than she has. Other people’s emotions will always be louder and take priority over hers. Uraraka sees her own emotions and needs as mere trifles that get in the way, and so she always shuts them down. We see Uraraka as a version of Himiko, a high school girl who always appears to be cheerful and well-behaved but is merely repressed.

Uraraka repeats the same unhealthy behavior as Himiko once did. Which is why Uraraka’s first meeting with Himiko goes with Himiko getting such a cold read on her.

It’s helpful to view Himiko as the flipped version of Uraraka. Uraraka hides everything that’s pleasant about her on the inside, and on the outside appears like a perfectly selfless girl. Himiko is someone who hides her good qualities and instead wears the mask of a bloodthirsty psycho on the outside. While Uraraka lives by denying her selfish desires, Himiko always chases after them and is true to them.

Traits that are repressed in Uraraka, are expressed in Himiko. Especially traits that society sees as bad in girls, like selfishness, being emotional, etc..

The way Himiko acts is especially jarring because she seems convinced she’s a normal person. She’s in her own little world, making friends, getting along with other people, it’s just her friendship just happens to involve stabbing.

Himiko appears to be a girl psychotically obsessed with blood and nothing else. A girl who only cares about killing other people and chopping them up to bits. When she expresses the feelings deep inside of herself, literally no one can make heads or tails of what she’s saying, she doesn’t sound like a girl just a bloodthirsty monster.

While Uraraka seems like she has nothing in common with what is essentially a weird serial killer, we learn that the exact behavior that Uraraka’s creation is what led to Himiko’s current state of mind.

The difference between them is not that Uraraka is a person of higher moral character, or a better person, but rather of circumstances between the two of them. It’s not the choices they made but rather things they were born into and couldn’t control. Uraraka has parents that accept her even when she fails and encourage her.

Toga had parents that abused their daughter, and then abandoned her.

Uraraka chose to repress herself, while Toga was forced to become repressed by her parents. While we don’t know for sure if it was physical abuse it’s at least emotional abuse, and it had to be to an extreme extent to make Himiko snap that hard. The same unhealthy behavior but push to extremes gets extreme results.

3. Normal Girl - Himiko Toga

Himiko did not become the way she is because she was lacking empathy or born with uncontrollable urges for bloodlust, but because of the environment around her that always forced her to repress herself. From the knowledge that her parents would never love her for who she really was. Himiko wasn’t born that way she was a response of what was done to her.

People who don’t really know Himiko always judge her this way, that she’s incapable of understanding other people, that she has no empathy for others. She’s almost literally labelled and dismissed as a one dimmensional yandere trope by the people surrounding her.

However, Himiko is in fact always doing the opposite. She’s constantly trying to empathize with others. Her maddened way of talking to both Tsuyu and Uraraka in her character introduction is exactly that, her trying to feel that kind of connection.

Himiko’s fascination for Uraraka is a desire for empathy and understanding. One that you could say even surpasses some characters on the hero’s side, because she’s willing to try to understand the world’s of people who are nothing like her. Himiko’s next most significant action in the manga is to take Camie’s place and go after the kids. While she does fight against them she’s not overly violent, just curious. Deku even reaffirms some of Himiko’s primary traits.

Himiko is always talking a lot and trying to explain her way of thinking to other people, because she wants them to understand her. However, because she’s bad at communicating this tends to come off as babble and a lot of people completely dismiss what she says and don’t attempt to listen.

She expresses two things one a desire to know Deku on a deeper level, immediately asking him very personal, and sometimes very downright invasive question and two she also notices the closeness that Deku and Uraraka have for one another.

Once again this is a repeating theme for the league. Himiko repeats the same desire that Twice has, to become a person who is trusted in the same way.

Once again it’s important to remember that Himiko is just the flipped version of a normal girl. If most people hide their bloodlust and show their good sides, Himiko hides her desire to be trusted and to empathize with other people underneath her bloodthirsty urges she shows on the surface. She positions herself as a femme fatalle, but she’s actually just a girl who’s trying to understand why other people are different then her, and why Deku and Uraraka can have a relationship mutually founded on trust when she can’t.

Himiko’s past was so repressed she never formed real relationships with people. Not only that she assumes that nobody will want the real her, because the moment she flipped and the real her was exposed everybody in her life abandoned her and she had to run away.

After her brush with Deku and Uraraka we see Himiko start to be trusted by her comrades and a marked transformation takes place in her.

We see shades of the old Himiko. A selfish girl who only exists to fulfill her whims. However, we’re shown Himiko is capable of empathizing because not only do Shigaraki’s words get through to her.

Himiko is also for the first time able to reach the emotions of another person. Remember when Himiko tries to explain how she’s feeling, she babbles, and babbles and nobody listens. However that changes and for the first time, not only does Himiko pick up exactly on what’s troubling Twice, she also comforts him the way he needs to be comforted. She tells him that yes it might be his fault that Magne died, but she sees that he’s doing his best to make up for it and she gently encourages him.

Remember how important this is for Twice. The world has never forgiven Jin for his mistakes. He hit the wrong guy on accident, while obeying the law, and lost both his job and his home. He started stealing to make ends meet, and as a result he lost his mind. When he makes a mistake it always blows up in his face but this time, Himiko notices that she’s panicking and comforts him telling him it’s okay he’s made this mistake and he can still work hard to fix it.

Not only that but she notices what the problem was with Jin, she was able to notice the symptoms of his psychotic breakdown and rather than dismiss it as just Twice being crazy was able to help him in real tangible ways by wrapping her hanky around him and covering him up like he asked. Uraraka has a very surface level kindness, she’s kind but only by walking around on eggshells with everyone. Himiko is able to see through people, but uses that to comfort people on a deeper level.

The “Himiko just can’t control herself because of her quirk” narrative is something that Himiko rejects herself. Because that’s not what Himiko wants. Himiko doesn’t want to be special or different from other people.

Himiko sees herself as normal, and what she desires to be understand and be understood by other people. She doesn’t like Curious’ narrative for her because it made her out to be a freak or someone special when Himiko is trying her best to get others to understand her as a normal girl. Himiko can’t repress herself anymore, she can’t become normal the way her parents taught her too so not permanently broken, and forced to always express herself she’s trying some other way.

What she wants isn’t to hurt other people, not really though. Those thoughts just turn violence, because Himiko is herself a person who’s endured a lot of violence. Himiko is basically a child that’s been on her own living on the streets and surviving for years, with all the dangers that entails, and also people who can shoot lasers and punch things really hard chasing after her.

The more she’s isolated and on the run, the more violence she endures, the more violent and unhinged her thoughts become. The more she’s exposed to people who accept her for who she is, the more she’s trusted by those people, the more empathic and sensitive Himiko becomes instead. Himiko’s desire isn’t violence, when she’s pushed to her utter limit she says what she wants is to become a girl like Uraraka who is just loved and trusted by others for who she is.

And I genuinely believe at the core of Himiko’s character this empathic girl exists. Himiko becoming violent and unrepressed doesn’t mean her empathy disappears. The complexity from Himiko is that she’s both the knife wielding psycho and the normal girl who just wants to have friends at the same time. If behind every normal person there’s a monster lurking is true then the opposite is true as well, behind every monster there’s a normal person.

This is an idea expressed by Twice again. One of the villains that Hawks dismissed as a bad person, was capable of showing him compassion and gentleness even when he screwed up. Toga was capable of empathy for Twice besides the use he had for others. Toga herself is shown to be capable of more empathy than Hawks, who is one of the most selfless characters in the series, and who is convinced his actions are always done in order to save others.

However we see their treatment of Twice is so drastically different. Hawks treats Twice in a selfish way refusing to listen to what Twice wants, and only ever used Twice as a tool to exploit. Twice himself thinks that now that he’s no longer useful, Himiko won’t be kind to him anymore however we see the opposite.

Twice admits to Toga that he’s the reason that everyone is in danger right now and he completely failed, and he’s not going to come save them. He admits that he’s useless and Twice himself said Toga wouldn’t be kind to him anymore. However in that moment, Himiko ignores the fact that her life is literally in danger and everything is going to hell around her to comfort Twice one final time and tell him the words he needs to hear.

It’s literally the single most empathic moment of the manga, and it’s in direct contrast to Hawks’ behavior. A hero as devoted to saving other people as Hawks, who genuinely likes Twice as a friend doesn’t show him any empathy at all and even stabs him as the back. A psycho like Toga puts her own feelings aside and notices Twice’s feelings, and gives him comfort and thanks him in his final moment because to her Twice has value as a person beyond what his use is. That Himiko is capable of this kindness, but equally capable of her monstrous actions earlier in the series is what makes her human. Her kindness doesn’t make her any less mosntrous, and her monstrous qualities don’t make her kindness go away she’s both at once, rather than either or. That’s where the complexity comes in.

Toga is a very human character precisely because we see her at her most monstrous, and we see that girl slowly relearn how to express the kindness that’s always been inside of her in healthier non-stabby way. A normal girl who learned how to be a monster to protect herself. A monster who is slowly relearning to be a normal girl.

#himiko toga #jin bubaigawara #league of villains #league of villains meta #league of villains friendship #mha meta #my hero academia #my hero academia meta #my hero academia villains

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larryfanficwriter98 · 4 years ago

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Chapter Twenty-Four

*Falling In Love Through The Phone*

I got my new monitor and I finished editing this and decided to post it. TIME JUMP!!

Louis exited out to the balcony of their hotel room overlooking the Red Square and grinned.

“You know when you said we’d go to Moscow for Christmas I didn’t actually think you were serious.” Louis said looking over at Harry as he came up behind him.

“You helped plan the vacation.”

“You asked me which view I wanted of Moscow if we went. That is all I said.” Louis said point his finger at Harry who grinned.

“Alright. Fair. It was an early birthday present.” Harry said.

“This is my birthday present? What’s my Christmas present?” Louis teased wrapping his arms around Harry’s neck to press a heated kiss against his lips.

“I brought something with lace.” Harry said cheekily before he stepped away from Louis to look towards the view, “Shame you prevented me from proposing before our two-year anniversary. This would be a great spot to do it at.” He said casually.

“Don’t you even think about pulling out the ring box I spotted during travel.” Harry groaned but removed his hands from his pockets to encase them on either side of Louis trapping him against his body and the railing.

“You already know I have one so why not let me get on one knee…hell I’ll get down on two knees for this and ask the question that I think you’ll say yes to anyway.”

“I would say yes, obviously, but I…just don’t want to be engaged right now. I want to wait. You have to have patience, Love.” Harry groaned pouting slightly but dropped the topic and instead turned them around as he angled his phone for a picture. Louis looked up and over at Harry smiling widely at him before he pulled him down for a kiss. Two minutes in Moscow and Louis was already tempted to tell Harry the real reason he didn’t want him to propose…yet. Louis had been planning this ever since he had accidentally found out Harry had been planning their Moscow trip back in October. He hadn’t meant to it was just that Harry had a horrible habit of forgetting to exit out of his webpages and Louis happened to see Harry had booked them a hotel room for two weeks. So, Louis had started planning his own surprise. Tomorrow was his birthday, and he didn’t know what Harry had planned, but he knew that Harry had the entire day planned.

“Come on let’s get to sleep so we’re wide awake when we need to be. No sleeping in for this surprise.” Louis followed Harry into the bedroom and stripped down before they curled up into the bed together exhausted from their flight that they stayed up for so they could sleep during Moscow’s night cycle.

~~~~

Apparently the first thing on the list of ‘’Things to Do for Louis’ Birthday’’ was a blowjob then breakfast in bed. In that order. Then a long hot bath with expensive bubbles and scents and a warm towel wrapped around his naked body when he stepped out of the cooling water.

“Harold-“

“Shut up and let me spoil you.” Harry said as he guided Louis to their bags. He pulled out a large wooly sweater then helped him put it on. Louis grinned the entire time amused and endeared by his boyfriend as he treated him so gently.

“I’m older than you, you realize. I should by babying you.” Louis said

“You can baby me on my birthday.” Harry said as he helped Louis step into his black pants then even buttoned them for him. He then kneeled down and helped with his socks and winter boots before he stood up and pressed a kiss to his lips. “I’ll go get dressed. Stay right here.”

“I shall stay here.” Louis said sitting on the sofa and watching as he entered the bedroom. Louis waited only a few minutes for Harry to come back out in the exact same outfits making Louis laugh as he held up two of the same coats, “You’re joking.”

“I am not.” Louis stood up and let Harry put the heavy shearling lined suede winter coat on him. He put his hands in the line pockets and grinned when he pulled out gloves to match the suede.

“Are these my presents then? Louis asked with a grin as he pulled them on and adjusted the coat a bit, “Because I love them.”

“Some of them at least.” Harry said leaning in for another quick kiss. Harry then pulled on his own matching gloves and handed Louis a grey and blue wool scarf, “I have to keep you warm after all.”

“A good way to do that is to stay indoors and shag all day. I’m not opposed to that.” Louis teased.

“Well, I am opposed to it. You’ve bailed on every date night I have planned thus far since September. Our anniversary.”

“That’s because ever since that stunt your fans have been up our asses.”

“They’ve chilled out since we sat down with James Corden and explained.”

“Speak for yourself. Me yelling at you is still going around the internet.” Harry laughed as they intertwined their fingers together and left the hotel room.

“Well to be fair you are extremely cute when you yell.”

“I’m intimidating when I yell you mean.”

“No cute. I agree with the fans you’re a small bean when you yell at people. Besides half of them have no idea what the bloody hell you said.��

“My accent was not that visible. They done something to it...enhanced it.”

“No, they didn’t trust me. I barely understood you and it’s only my expertise from deciphering your vocabulary while plastered that I understood it at all.” Louis rolled his eyes as he pressed the first-floor button on the elevator.

“Whatever.”

“So, I have then entire day planned as I’m sure you know.”

“I figured. What’s the first thing on our list?”

“Zaryadye Park then we are going strolling then lunch and that’s all you need to know for now.”

***

Ice Caves, the underground museum, the media center, the river overlook, strolling down street markets decorated for Christmas, a beautiful (late) lunch by the Red Square, ice skating, and a lot of shopping later Louis was grinning widely as he flopped down on the bed. He was fairly sure his entire face was frozen, and he has had snot down his throat since early afternoon, but it was the best birthday he has had in a long time.

“Hey Haz...?”

“Yeah?” Harry asked as he untied Louis’ boots for him.

“I love you so much you know that?”

“I do. I love you too.” Harry said leaning over to kiss his leg briefly.

“Today was the best, tomorrow we’re staying indoors and shagging right?” Harry laughed pulling his boots off before crawling on top of Louis to kiss his lips.

“We’re exchanging gifts tomorrow then we will shag and then we have a tour of Kremlin and Re Square where we are taking cheesy pictures upfront of the cathedrals and Savior Tower. Then I am going to try and convince you to let me propose. It can be a long engagement. We can be engaged for ten years before we even thing about planning a wedding. I don’t care I just want to propose to you.” Harry pouted at then end whining slightly making Louis laugh as he rolled them, so Harry was laying on his back.

“Nope.” Harry pouted, but Louis didn’t budge.

“I’m still going to try. I’m taking you upfront of St. Basil's Cathedral after the tour and I’m proposing. You know that right?” Louis rolled his eyes rolling off of him and turning his back to Harry.

“Go to sleep then we can talk about it in the morning.” Harry wrapped his arms around Louis’ waist and hugged him tightly, “I love you.”

“I love you too asshole.” Harry said kissing his cheek, “I’m proposing. End of story.”

“In your dreams.”

“You bet it is.” Louis laughed elbowing him before snuggling into Harry, “Goodnight love.”

“Goodnight.”

*******

Louis grinned widely as he dragged Harry upfront of St. Basil’s Cathedral and went about adjusting him, so they were perfectly aligned with the building.

“If we’re going to get engaged upfront of the most famous landmark in Moscow we might as well get the best damn photo of it.” Louis said grinning widely at the photographer who was already set up for them. Harry laughed as Louis adjusted his stance and clothes. Louis pulled Harry’s hat off and tossed it away from them along with his own then threw some loose snow on Harry’s shoulders and hair.

“You planned my proposal to you?!” Harry asked shocked but highly amused.

“No…I planned my proposal to you.”

“What?” Harry asked taken back, his grin still in place, but falling from confusion and shock. Louis grinned and grabbed Harry’s hands before he went down on one knee and pulled out the white ring box he had kept better hidden than Harry’s black ring box. Harry stared wide eye and covering his face with his hands grinning widely when he met Louis’ eyes.

“I knew of your plans for Moscow since October and so I started planning this, you should really learn how to close your webpages.” Louis started making Harry laugh, “As I uh kneel here on one knee in cold snow I realize I never actually prepared a speech for this moment, but I’m going to wing it. I promise to support you in everything you decide to do in the future, I promise to love you no matter what happens, I promise to be there for you on your bad days and your good days. I promise to only flip off the really annoying paparazzi in Los Angeles two times a day instead of ten. I promise to listen to every song you come up with and tell you honestly what I think of them. I will love you for as long as you will have me by your side. I will love you whether you wear a dress or you wear a suit. When I look at you, I see the future and I see love and a family. I will never know why you chose me out of everyone you could ever have, but I promise to make sure it’s not a mistake. I promise to be there for you whenever you need me. I know these last few months, last year almost, have been really bad for you mentally and I am so proud of you for taking steps to see a therapist and being open about it. I am so proud to be standing by your side as you break gender norms and roles, and you express yourself more and more each day. I want to-“ Louis wasn’t able to finish because Harry kneeled upfront of him and kissed him while cupping his face making Louis laugh.

“I’m not done you needy bastard.” Louis complained pulling away from Harry laughing as he looked at him. “Fine. I was getting into it. I was on a roll.”

“Can’t I just say yes already?”

“Fine. Harry, will you marry me?” Harry kissed him harder knocking them onto ground making Louis laugh as he wrapped his free arm around Harry’s neck.

“Yes. Of course.” Harry said, his eyes shining with tears as he removed his gloves. Louis grinned as he slipped the ring on his finger, “I love it it’s-“

“As Louis Blue as I could get it.” Louis said with a smile as he kissed Harry again ignoring his cold and wet ass sitting in the snow. Harry cupped his face before pulling away and pulled out the familiar black box Louis has seen multiple times though he never actually seen the ring itself.

“It’s actually funny because…” Harry trailed off as he opened the box revealing a beautiful ring with diamonds and an emerald, “I got you an emerald.” Louis grinned widely as he removed his own gloves and watched as Harry slipped the ring on his finger, “There. Perfect. Let’s go home and celebrate.”

“Hold on. Hold on.” Louis said as Harry helped him stand up, “You go to the hotel and I’ll meet you there after I talk to the photographer. I remember you mentioning something lacey earlier?”

“Deal.” Louis watched Harry walk away staring down at his new ring on his finger.

#Larry Stylinson #larries #larry shippers #larry stylinson fanfiction #larry fanfiction #archive of our own #Wattpad #au

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ericsonclan · 4 years ago

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Unexpected Company

Summary: Louis and Clementine are having a chill date at Clem's house when Clementine realizes that Lee has company too.

Word Count: 2582

Read on AO3:

Clementine and Louis lay curled up together on her bed, completely absorbed by the events occurring on the laptop in front of them. They’d been rewatching The Last Airbender series together for the past few weeks after they both realized it had been years since they’d seen it. A.J. had joined in for some of their watch parties, but he was at a sleepover at Tenn’s house tonight, so they were on their own. They’d reached the point where Zuko and Iroh were on the run. They both chuckled as Iroh debated the risks of making a tea out of a plant that might just be deadly poisonous.

“Man, Iroh’s the best,” Louis commented, his words sending a tickling warmth through Clem’s hair. “Wish I had a cool uncle giving me sage life advice and making me tea,”

“Don’t we all,” Clementine murmured. Her hand shifted around Louis’ waist, pulling him closer. “Y’know, in some ways Lee reminds me of Iroh,”

“Really?” Louis chuckled. “I mean, the resemblance is striking, but…”

“Not like that!” Clementine smacked her boyfriend’s chest playfully. “It’s more like… they’re both mentors. Always encouraging, but willing to call you on your crap. Cheering for you, but hands off enough to let you make your own mistakes and learn from them. Stuff like that,”

“Makes sense,” Louis nodded thoughtfully, his chin brushing through Clem’s curls. “Well, I’m glad you have someone like that in your life, even if you found each other later than you would have liked,” One of his thumbs brushed across the scar on Clementine’s left arm. She’d told him what it was from. To think that a foster family could be negligent enough to let Clementine, only 11 at the time, be bitten by their dog then blame it on her… he couldn’t believe the things she’d been through sometimes. She really was amazing.

“Things are good now,” Clementine responded, fiddling with a button on Louis’ shirt. “That’s all that matters. Now I’ve got Lee, and A.J… and you,” She smiled up at her boyfriend who was grinning like a fool. A fool in love. Their lips met for a quick kiss, followed by another. Clementine pulled way reluctantly. “We’re going to have to go back like five minutes in this episode because I have no idea what’s been happening,”

“We can finish it later,” Louis’ foot tapped the laptop closed. He leaned forward to capture Clementine’s lips in another kiss, to which she eagerly complied.

Suddenly a loud clanging from the kitchen had both of them jumping in surprise.

“Are Kenny and Lee having a late night bakeathon?” Louis quirked an eyebrow. Lee had mentioned that Kenny was going to come over that night when Louis had dropped by in the late afternoon. The pair had simply nodded at the news, heading to Clementine’s room with a stash of snacks to keep them going through the Avatar marathon. They hadn’t exited the room since.

“Kenny’s not really the baking type,” Clementine mused over other explanations. “Maybe they decided to do breakfast for dinner. Lee’s always down for breakfast food,”

“Who isn’t?” Louis’ stomach rumbled loudly. “Speaking of which…” Reaching off the side of the bed, he rooted through the snack bags, looking for Skittles. He lifted them up with a triumphant cheer.

“How exactly are Skittles a breakfast food?” Clementine asked, her arms crossed.

“Skittles transcend categories,” Louis retorted, popping a few into his mouth and offering her the bag. “Any time is Skittles time,”

Clementine was going to come up with a sassy reply of her own, when she was surprised to hear a female voice coming from the kitchen. Her eyes widened and she shushed Louis quickly. “Did you hear that?”

“Hear what?”

“It sounded like a woman. There it is again!” The pair listened intently. Sure enough, dulcet tones came from the kitchen, accompanied by deeper voices.

“Yeah, that’s definitely not Kenny,” Louis stated decidedly. “Not that I’ve met the man, but I’d be seriously floored if I turned out to be wrong,”

“It’s not Kenny,” Clementine jumped off her bed, leaning an ear against her bedroom door. She could make out the conversation a little bit clearer from here.

“Lee, seriously, it’s fine!” the female voice insisted. “You don’t need to cook for me at this hour,”

“Now don’t be silly. I’m not going to let a lady starve under my own roof,”

“Oh my god, my stomach grumbled one time. It’s not that big a deal!”

“Might as well listen to him, Carley,” Kenny’s voice travelled from the kitchen. “Lee doesn’t change his mind once it’s been made up. Besides, the man cooks a mean breakfast burrito,”

Clementine’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. Who exactly was this Carley woman and why had Lee not mentioned that she was coming as well as Kenny? The way they were talking made it seem like she wasn’t a casual acquaintance either.

“Why are we spying?” Louis whispered by Clementine’s ear, causing her to jump in surprise.

“We’re spying because there has to be a reason Lee has never mentioned this woman to me before. He never brings over people A.J. and I don’t know,”

Now it was Louis’ turn to raise an eyebrow. “Do I detect a hint of jealousy in your voice?”

“What? No! What would I even have to be jealous of?” Clementine huffed.

“Well, chances are if Lee’s bringing over a lady friend that there’s something more going on between them… maybe something romantic. Would that be a bad thing?”

“It’s not anything,” Clementine declared, pulling away from the door. “For all we know, they added a third teammate to their trivia night group,”

“Yeah, that’s totally the most logical option,”

Clementine narrowed her eyes at her boyfriend. She hated when he was smug. It usually meant he was right. “Y’know what? It’s getting late. We should probably call it a night,”

“Seriously? But Avatar!”

“Avatar can wait!”

Louis was loath to leave, but he could see that this turn of events had thrown Clem for a loop. Maybe it was best to give her some space and time to cool off.

“Well, alright then,” Louis reached for the doorknob, only to have Clementine tear his hand away.

“Are you crazy?” she hissed. “You can’t go out that way! The kitchen is right by the front door!” Her eyes turned to the window. “C’mon, we’ll sneak you out like I snuck you in the first time,”

“Would meeting Lee’s lady friend really be that bad?” Louis questioned.

Clementine shot him a cold glare.

“Alright, alright, you’re the boss,” Louis helped Clementine clear the knickknacks off her dresser before hopping on top and edging his way backwards out the open window. His hands gripped Clementine’s arms for balance. Even though they were on the first floor her window was still a good distance off the ground. He’d need a hand down.

-----

“Well, I hate to cut the party short, but I’d better head home before Kat starts to worry,” Kenny said as he stood beside the front door.

“You sure?” Lee asked, spatula still in hand. “The eggs are just about done,”

“Yeah, I’m sure. You two have fun without me,” Kenny raised a hand in farewell to Carley who was still sitting at the kitchen table. She returned the gesture with a smile. Kenny turned back to Lee. “See you next week for trivia night?”

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Lee chuckled.

With that, Kenny stepped out the front door. The night air was chilly, and he quickly wrapped his coat more tightly around him. Luckily his car wasn’t far off, just a little way down the street. Walking toward it, Kenny glanced at the house fondly.

That’s when he noticed something. Half of a body dangling and kicking outside one of the first-floor windows. Clementine’s room.

“What the hell?” Kenny growled, quickly striding forward. What’s an ass doing outside Clem’s window?" Reaching his target, Kenny grabbed onto the pants of the culprit.

He was met with a frightened squeal. “Clem, something out there! Pull me back, now, now now!” Before Kenny could get a better hold on the jeans, the legs disappeared back inside the house and he heard a body thud to the floor.

Clementine quickly popped up by the window, giving Kenny an awkward wave. “Hey, Kenny. You heading out?”

“Clem, what the hell is going on?” Kenny growled. “It looked to me like some kind of hooligan was trying to break into your room!”

A young black man with dreadlocks popped up behind Clementine, looking at him with a mixture of fear and embarrassment.

“Well, umm…” Clementine awkwardly cleared her throat. “This is my boyfriend, Louis. Kenny, Louis. Louis, Kenny,”

Louis gave him an awkward wave. “It’s very nice to meet you, sir. Love the mustache,”

“You don’t get to like the mustache!” Kenny snapped, causing Louis to flinch. “Clementine, what are you doing sneaking this boy out of your room at this hour. Don’t you know you have a front door that would work perfectly-”

Before he could finish, Clementine’s bedroom door opened.

“Everything all right in here, Clem?” Lee asked, a concerned expression on his face. “I thought I heard you scream,”

“Actually, that was me,” Louis admitted, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. “Mr. Kenny surprised me is all,”

“Kenny?” Lee walked forward, seeing his friend standing outside the window. “What are you still doing here?”

“I thought I was stopping a break-in. This fool had his ass sticking out Clem’s window, looking for the whole world like some sort of burglar. I was just in the process of asking them why they hadn’t used the front door instead when you came in,”

“Well now, that is a good question,” Lee said, crossing his arms and turning to his daughter. “Mind telling us, Clementine?”

Clementine looked away, her own arms crossed. “We didn’t want to disturb you. You or your company,”

Lee’s expression changed to one of understanding. “You know what? I think it’s time we all called it a night. Louis?”

“Yes, sir,” Louis answered. He placed a quick kiss to his girfriend’s cheek before heading over to grab the leftover snacks. “Night, Clem,”

Lee turned to the open window. “I’ve got things handled here, Kenny. Thanks for keeping an eye out,”

Kenny nodded. “Anytime. Night,” With that he was off. Lee closed the window then turned to Clementine. “I’m going to say goodnight to Carley and see her out. After that, do you want to meet up in the kitchen for some midnight breakfast burritos?”

Clementine silently nodded.

“Alright then,” Lee exited the room, preparing an excuse in his head for Carley on why they had to cut the night short.

-----

About ten minutes later, Lee returned to the kitchen. Clementine was already sitting there, an untouched plate of eggs and bacon before her. Lee pulled out the chair across from her, sitting down as well. They remained in silence for a minute or two before Lee decided to start things off. “I’m sorry I didn’t mention to you that Carley was coming over. That was inconsiderate on my part,”

“It’s not like you owe me an explanation,” Clementine mumbled. “I’m not a teenager anymore. Soon enough I’ll have found my own place and I won’t be underfoot anymore,”

“Now sweet pea, you know you’re not in the way. I know we agreed you’d stay at home through college to save money, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t enjoyed having you around for longer. Hell, if you wanted to keep living here you could invite Louis to move into the house instead,” Lee waggled his eyebrows teasingly.

That got a snort out of Clementine. “Yeah right,” Her eyes grew thoughtful before she spoke again. “It must have been hard being a single dad to me and A.J. all those years. I don’t know if you met anybody you wanted to bring home during that time, but I’d like to think I’d have been open to meeting somebody if you wanted to introduce us,”

Lee shook his head. “There wasn’t anybody during those years. You know that around the time I met you I was at the tail end of my divorce. It took a long time to heal from the pain. You and A.J. were key to that healing. During those years with the two of you growing up, I didn’t need anything more than the three of us,”

“And now?”

Lee sighed. “I didn’t go out looking for romance if that’s what you mean. Meeting Carley was happenstance, fate maybe. She was doing an article on the university and asked to interview me as a representative of the college. From there we hit things off and, well… there have been a few dates. I didn’t want to bring up anything to you and A.J. till I knew things were serious. Now I see that tonight should have been the night I introduced the two of you rather then sneaking Carley in under your nose,” Lee took hold of Clementine’s hand, clasping it gently. “Things may be changing with Carley being a part of our lives, but that’s a good thing. And it won’t change the love I have for you and A.J. a single bit,”

“I know,” Clem’s voice was soft. She squeezed Lee’s hand tighter. “I know it’s petty to be upset about something like this. I guess it’s just that things are finally… perfect. A.J.’s doing well, it’s my last year of college, work at the diner has been great and things with Louis…” Clementine trailed off, a smile playing at her lips before it grew serious once more. “I guess I’m just afraid of change. Growing up, every time change came my way it meant I was losing everything all over again. Maybe I should know better, but it’s still hard to picture change meaning anything else,”

“That makes complete sense, Clem,” Lee rubbed a thumb along his daughter’s hand soothingly. “Change is always scary, especially for someone who’s seen more than her fair share. I promise you, I’m going to take things slow with Carley. You and A.J. will always be my first priority,”

“You deserve to be happy too though,” Clementine lay her other hand on top of her father’s. “I’ll try my best to be calm about this whole thing and not let myself freak out. I want to be able to celebrate this change with you. Just… give me some time?”

“All the time you need, sweet pea,” Lee’s eyes were warm as he smiled at Clementine. She had come so far since he’d met her all those years ago. Sometimes he forgot the pain and fear that she still carried deep within her. But hope and joy were stronger now.

A rumbling stomach drew their attention away from the moment.

“Was that you or me?” Lee chuckled.

“You, but I’m starving too,” Clementine let go of Lee’s hand to pick up her fork. “Let’s dig in,”

“I couldn’t agree more,”

They chatted for some time after that into the wee hours of the morning. Sometimes the best moments were those that come upon you unexpectedly. That was true for the father-daughter pair as they joked and laughed, eating breakfast burritos until they couldn’t hold anymore. Whatever life threw their way, they knew they could face it head on because they had each other.

#twdg #twdg clementine #twdg louis #twdg carley #twdg lee #twdg kenny #clouis #twdg carlee #kenny lee brotp #lee and clementine #fanfic #ericson's diner au

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mochuelovelli · 4 years ago

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GAAAAHHH OKAY

Let's talk about the Timephoon Episodes

This is such an old topic of discourse but after reading many fanfics, videos, and some posts on the subject I have found little divergent takes on the whole subject.

While commentators are of the mind that, for the most part, the punishment and execution of said punishment for Louie's actions were partially if not fully justified but how she went about it was wrong.

Some fanfic writers and some subsects of the fandom but they are much more critical and often in a more black and white interpretation. Which is valid for vent art. However, I find both these portrayals to be lacking in some nuance.

Specifically when it it comes to who's to blame for the next 3 episodes, and to me, its more than just Della (and Louie but there really isn't much discourse here).

Let's start with Timephoon:

This pretty much solidifies their relationship throughout the episode[Also sorry for no captions]. Multiple times Della is shown to have a very laissez faire style of parenting as she primarily wants her kids to enjoy being kids and having fun. This is probably in part to her personality in general - which is probably what Beakley assumes here - however it is also her want to be loved by her children and even more critically, she doesn't ever want them to suffer like she did. Above all else, she wants them to be happy and feel confident in themselves. We see this in all the previous episode with her and her kids - From Dewey and reassuring him that he doesn't need to prove himself to her [notably in this episode she only shows concern when Dewey himself is in danger, she doesn't give a shit when he almost kills her] to Huey and helping him to have the most fun he possibly can, to even Webby and making sure that she also feels confident in herself regardless in how she goes about things.

Bringing up all these adventures does raise some pretty damning hypocrisy. Della encourage Dewey's reckless behavior in his episode. The lesson at the end wasn't, okay maybe we shouldn't be going on dangerous adventures, it was its okay to be afraid and you don't need to prove to me that you're great I already know you are. Huey's message was similar, albeit more low stakes. Webby's lesson wasn't even that she shouldn't be trying to take such risks to find adventure in the future, it was just a lesson in not being disappointed when things don't work the way you want.

So why wasn't Louie's adventure treated the same? Well... let's look at some more examples of Beakley V Della this episode before we answer that -

This is right before the kids find Bubba, Beakley's reaction is what most people would consider to be parental as she is concerned for the safety of the kids running out in a hurricane. Again we see Della acting casual.

Once Bubba is inside and Huey geeks out about him, Beakley actually smiles bc she knows that something like this means a lot to Huey [keep this in mind for l8r]. She only gets serious after Della says it's neat without much after thought so she gives the lesson of the episode - "Small problems become big problems later if not prevented early."

Next we have Della's faux attempt at being strict with her kids. Letting the irresponsible thing happen as long as they are "safe". While also harkening back to her previous episodes where she also is shown to have this attitude that "the kids can do anything as long as they are safe with ME or Scrooge or another SAFE adult", it is also good to note SCROOGE'S expression here to her patting herself on the back for her parenting. Now he could just be confused as to why Della is taking this "lesson" as a win, but he could be noticing that she really doesn't know what she is doing but unlike Beakley doesn't make any attempts to correct this.

Another scene that people often forget when reviewing this episode, just like with all her other kids she at first takes LOUIE'S side and decides they should just roll with the punches like always. Which honestly is sort if valid because that's kinda Scrooge's whole MO; though he also had others to there to keep him afloat but we all know someone like Scrooge, Della, and the kids hardly see that. I also want to hammer home that, just like with the other boys, she doesn't shy away from displaying that she loves them ALL. A few seconds later, it's subtle but she is shown smiling and patting Louie on the head because like the other kids she just wants him to feel supported. If I was to be critical, I would say this is possibly because she likes the IDEA of her boys more than them but I mean - this is pretty much everyone's attitude towards kids. It might be amplified bc of her trauma but it's not unusual. But even still I would argue that she mainly does love the boys for who they are as she is excited to get to know them.

After Della figures that they are looking for a "master thief", Scrooge and Beakley immediately know it's one of the kids. Shocking her since she later states she is of the belief that her kids are too "good" to do something like this. I also want to bring attention, again, to Beakley smiling (ik im putting a lot of stock into expressions but animation tends to do stuff like this for a reason). She is smiling at whom she expects is Dewey for messing with time and space. Bc even if she planned to scold him, she knows it's just their normal. Scrooge seems to also be of the same mind. Later Beakley gives a really good line about "Even good kids can do dumb things. We got to make sure those dumb things don't turn into bad things like destroying all of existence!".

Mrs. B exists stage right

All jokes aside, this must have been a nightmare for all of them but especially Della. She had just finally admitted that she was out of her depth and made another mistake in parenting. But now it seems like she lost her chance to rectify that. Because for all she knows, Mrs. B will never come back. This is import-ALLRIGHTWEGETIT

Della is then shown explicitly worried about her family. Emotions, insecurities and fear obviously getting the best of her. We don't know exactly what she is thinking but we know she is terrified of the possibility of losing one of her kids. When she asks about Louie, she probably thinks he must have disappeared without her knowing. That she might have already failed more than she could know, because she wasn't there to protect him. She doesn't know - she is "Della Duck" and she doesn't know how to fix this. She didn't expect everything to go so horribly wrong, but that's her theme isn't it?

She is both relieved and understandably PISSED when finding that Louie was responsible for almost destroying the fabric of reality (let me say this again, nearly destroying the fabric of reality). She goes scold both herself and her son about the danger he put them in. Later we see Della, the last one leave and seeing almost everyone she loves vanish. We don't know how long each of the characters who left were in the past but we can assume it was long enough to have to change clothes. Yeah this was probably more of a visual gag but like, the other past characters didn't change their outfits when they came to the present so - (also Launchpad was specific about knowing how the world ends so he had to be there enough for him to understand it). Side note someones gotta write fanfic of these characters time misadventures. I wonder if Dewey and Webby ran into Agent 22.

[Last picture of the infamous scene, side note did anyone notice Launchpad NODDING his head when Della mentioned his time schemes could've cost them their future? He's the only one who knows what happened so maybe Louie's misadventure has more impact than we think-]

Anyways, yeah we know what was said here. But I think it's important to see the reaction the other adults (sorry LP, and Gryo i GUESS) have here BC this is basically why I made this post. What Della decided to do was unquestionably the wrong decision, at least her way of going about it and I will not absolve her of her many MANY mistakes. However, let's remember she wasn't alone in any of this. She was with other parental figures who KNOW more about her kids than she does.

After Louie leaves, why did they think it was good to encourage this course of action? Why did they think giving full parental control to a PTSD, trauma survivor who barely got back less than a month ago was a good idea? Sure it's one thing to not want to overstep your boundaries but are you telling me they wouldn't want to guide her in the right direction at least? We KNOW both Beakley AND Scrooge have their grievences towards Della's parenting strategy or lack there of. Beakley so far doing the most to try and put her in the right direction (which speaks volumes to the problems Scrooge has).

So why wouldn't they explain that, hey, maybe taking away the one thing your kid thinks he is good at ISNT a great idea? Why didn't either say anything about their two day vacation? Something that came up presumingly on a whim and might of prevented (although i doubt it) Louie from trying to steal w/ time? He might have considered pushing back time schemes at least 3 days later. While Mrs. Beakley might be less aware of Louie's insecurities and ambitions, Scrooge definitely isn't. He should have talked to her, and hey we don't see what happens before they leave so maybe MAYBE they did. But again, I doubt it. Seeing as how they all agreed with her at the end, I don't see them trying to meddle with her.

But they should've. They are both experienced guardians and they have nothing to say to her? Plus Donald (goddamn it i almost finished a post w/o him) have THEM responsibility to take care of the kids NOT Della. So they are obligated to help her. Really, the other option other than just well negligence would be not thinking this punishment was a big deal. I wish this aspect was also scrutinized just as much as Della and Louies role in this arc.

Beakley and Scrooge (more so Scrooge) are just as much to blame in what happens as Della if not MORE since they know of her situation in only a way that an experience adult can. There is no excuse for their negligence.

#god this was so long #i just need to rant #i hope im not alone on this feel free to comment or ask me about this crap i dont mind #ducktales #ducktales 2017 #della duck #mrs beakley #scrooge mcduck #dt17 #ducktales timephoon #discourse #i guess #this is misleading this was basically just Timephoon bc u ran out of space so part 2 maybe?

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enduringsea · 4 years ago

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( rules: you can usually tell a lot about a person by the kind of music they listen to! put your music on shuffle and list the first 10 songs, then tag 10 people! no skipping! ) / tagged by @yellowcrumpet ╭( ･ㅂ･)و )))

Thanks for the tag! I LOVE these things-- I don’t rlly have a playlist either though, just a mess of music files on a device I haven’t updated so I’ll be checking my YouTube history too lol. There’s a uhhh.... pattern to be found, mainly relating to Code Vein or other OCs.... which isn’t surprising ._. ;; I made it a separate post bc I knew this was going to get long and rambly with lyric snippets and crying about fictional characters, sorry :D

1. Repeat Until Death - Novo Amor don’t go / you’re half of me now / but i’m hardly stood proud / i said it, almost oh i’ve been low / but damn it i bet it don’t show / it was heaven a moment ago oh i can’t seem to let myself leave you / but i can’t breathe anymore This one gives me Loubeth vibes ok, partially bad end route ;-; While Elizabeth is a very strong person, her friends are the most prominent reason she tries to do anything at all & isn’t living day-to-day in a monotonous grind to survive without a solid purpose other than ‘help random ppl bc it’s the right thing to do’. If she loses them, it’d ruin her & hammers into her head how everything she’s ever done has been a failure. She suffered a major betrayal by her boss before the Collapse, she was unable to fully participate in proj. queen despite her incredible test results, she failed to defeat Cruz and take her blood during Operation Queenslayer, and if she fails to protect the people she’s finally found meaning with? She’d break down completely & destroy herself to save them. She’s always had some level of abandonment issues, and without her family around it’s so much worse, even if it isn’t the most obvious because she’s generally seen as very well put together-- I really can’t express how much it would hurt her to lose Louis, Yakumo, and the others. She’s just not one to show just how bad it can truly get for her mentally and emotionally-- she’s resilient as hell, she’s been through hell repeatedly and survived it all, so it’s easy for others to assume she’s fine all things considered. It makes her feel weak and ashamed of herself if she shows any level of vulnerability, so she doesn’t; she swallows it down and is afraid of disappointing those who look up to her as a fighter and friend-- of course, no one at Home Base would blame her for being vulnerable, they all have their moments, Bethy just sets herself to such a high standard it’s difficult for her to talk about her own suffering in spite of how well-versed she is in getting her thoughts and feelings across otherwise. Louis is the one most keen to how deeply she’s hurting, but he doesn’t understand just how deeply until she finally does fall apart. The final swell of the song and its desperate lyrics really relays the pain they both feel-- Louis too would not fare well if something happened to Elizabeth, because he blames himself she was even involved in Operation Queenslayer for a long time, I honestly did so bad in explaining coherently, this song just has so much emotion and hurt behind it adklfjdfdff </3

2. Looking Out For You - Joy Again this is a love song for a girl who will never know it’s about her she's beaming that smile / all the while i’m all tripped up on my own throat i guess there is no hope This song reminds me of Elizabeth & my friend’s character Takashi Fujioka, who gets-- vERY...FRIENDZONED, for lack of a better word, by Elizabeth in his story, it’s really summed up best as tragic (;﹏;) Before the Collapse they were hitting it off, then the Collapse happened, they were separated, he lost his sisters, Mido happened, he was experimented on + became a revenant, etc, etc; years have passed since then & she’s gotten her life together as much as one can in a world like Vein, but for Takashi it’s like no time has passed at all. Elizabeth is subtly older in appearance, she’s been working w Lou & Co. for a long time; Loubeth blatantly have a connection, & rather than bringing up his feelings + making it awkward bc he values their friendships, he just kinda. chokes on them & does his best to help out the team. It doesn’t help he can’t even be jealous bc Louis is a really solid friend to him too, IT’S JUST A MESS OF A SITUATION & the death of what could have been if things were different.

3. Closer - Teagan And Sara ( no lengthy explanation for this one thank goodness, I’ve just been watching BoJack Horseman again and I really like some of the songs they add in, I like listening to this one on loop when mindlessly coloring something )

4. Brutal - Olivia Rodrigo all I did was try my best / this the kind of thanks I get? they say these are the golden years / but I wish I could disappear ego crush is so severe / god, it's brutal out here I have it on a playlist for Elizabeth somewhere, not all of it applies to her but it reflects some of her struggles she has both before & after the collapse. She’s-- always kind of been a mess while under immense pressure + has serious self image issues, this song hits that side of her well. She’s been held to humanly impossible standards by both herself and her family bc frankly? She can reach them, she’s NOT exactly human. She was born into her position as a hunter & intends to keep it for as long as she lives (like revenants, her kind is very much ‘either gets killed or lives 5ever), even if some days she really feels how heavy the burden can be. She didn’t have a normal childhood and she’s fine with it for the most part, but it alienates her from most of her peers-- she never got to date anyone, never had a close group of friends, never went to parties that weren’t formals, etc., while she feels a little childish about it, she does envy ‘normal’ and understands the pressure she’s lived under her entire life has caused damage-- she has been exploited for her abilities, there’s just not much she can do about it but to keep going, rlly.

5. Freaks - Surf Curse don't kill me / just help me run away from everyone i need a place to stay / where i can cover up my face don't cry / i am just a freak / i am just a freak UhhhHHH this song really makes me think of Oliver Collins :D;; thank TikTok for showing it to me. It makes me think of how scared he was, of both the world and the revenants who captured him. The song’s use of the word ‘parasites’ really makes me think of Revenants and the BOR parasites XD I’m hoping when I poke my video editor again, I can record some Oliver footage to make a short video to this song. Oliver deserves so much better, I wish you could save him, but that’s what AUs are for, hahah.... The second half of the lyrics make me think of the AU I have where he lives and has to grapple with the guilt of surviving and the things he did to other revenants to get by too.

6. All Eyes On Me - Bo Burnham you say the ocean’s rising / like i give a shit you say the whole world’s ending / honey it already did you’re not gonna slow it / heaven knows you tried got it? good / now get inside I haven’t seen the Netflix special yet but I’ve had this song on repeat since my move started. The lyrics hit too hard & resonate with my existential dread, covid exhaustion, and extreme burnout in my 20s, but bc I have Damage I can also relate it to CV ._. ‘you’re not gonna slow it, heaven knows you tried. got it? good now get inside’ makes me think of--;; the bad end route again, and Elizabeth’s desperation to keep her found family together. It’s not like her to completely stop caring about an issue, but in the moment she realizes what’s being taken from her? She doesn’t want to save all of revenant-kind if it means she’s going to wind up alone all over again, her world is effectively over if she’s forced to be alone again. The MC frenzying means the only immediately identifiable hope she had of saving everyone else is gone, so why not just go home? If they’re all doomed, she wants to at least be together for a little while longer, it’s fine if they use her blood to survive & everyone else in the mist is out of luck, it’s soul-crushing bc I’ve never had her in a situation where she’s been this reckless, despondent/hopeless, and thinking irrationally where it’d impact more than herself-- especially when she’s normally goal-oriented, organized, meticulous, so on so forth: she’s not one to act without thinking something through first, but that last breath of light just got sucker-punched out of her. All she wants is home, comfort, and family, and ultimately in the bad end route she does manage to preserve their lives, maintain the mist, and supply blood beads, but her own condition leaves her on the throne-- it’s a mix of the bad, neutral, and true ending rlly ldkfjdf BUT YEAH enough rambling on that :D;; This song’s really good and touches a lot of different thoughts and ideas both in real life and my ocs, kind of embarrassing--;; thank u bo burnham for ruining me with this beautiful song

7. Yellow - Coldplay look at the stars / look how they shine for you / and everything you do your skin / oh yeah, your skin and bones / turn in to something beautiful do you know / for you I'd bleed myself dry Does this song make me think about JackEva? Yes. Yes it does. Star / night sky symbolism? Bam. Sappy lyrics about love and finding the person you’re with absolutely mesmerizing and worth dying for? BAM. If JackEva were capable of using their own blood to save each other, I can see it-- hJNGn they just care about each other so much, Jack cries for her even though they both knew that eventually one of them would succumb to their duty, and if the roles were reversed I can see Eva doing the same, I adore them beyond human language. On my CV RP blog, my Jack’s not shippable bc-- Eva, my friend even have them looking after his nephew (an oc--) at one point. I should seriously drop some headcanons down eventually....

8. Louder Than Thunder - The Devil Wears Prada are we meant to be empty-handed? / i know i could, i could be better i don't think i deserve it / selflessness, find your way into my heart all stars could be brighter / all hearts could be warmer

LMFAO throwback to my middle school playlist, I’m old-- I’ve applied this song to a lot of things back in the day, but I really connect it to Loubeth now, especially Louis. Lou & Bethy are both functional idiots who are too hard on themselves & have trouble recognizing their worth beyond what they can do for others. They’re trying to be better-- to make up for what they perceived wrongs they’ve done, but it’s hard, they don’t believe they’re worthy of the love and support the other gives, but they still yearn for that sense of security. After Louis’ memories are returned, he finally understands the guilt he’s felt since he became a revenant and it really skews his self-perception; he blames himself for so many things & Elizabeth, who has always been able to kill when necessary, sets it straight-- “It’s not your fault”, and it takes Louis some time to properly absorb that message. He thinks she’s just trying to comfort him, which she is tbh, but she’s not wrong: “It’s not your fault you couldn’t kill someone. It was never your job to kill anyone.” It’s up to people like her to do those sort of things-- Elizabeth may not have been present when Cruz frenzied, but if she had been? It would have been over before it started, that’s something she has regrets over, even if nothing could have been done since she was already on the field. Actually, she’s actually really quite angry that security failed to monitor Cruz properly and has a few select words for the ones there who could have actually done something before it got out of hand-- civilians and doctors are exempt from her shtlist bc they’re not meant to be killers (so don’t worry Artorias, she’s not ready to bite your head off!), but they had to have some kinda security detail rite o-q??? They’re probably hiding from her wrath-- BUT ANYWAY, she insists she’ll never blame Louis for not being able to do something as serious as killing another person. He was a normal human being who cared about his friend, not a failure, and he couldn’t have been expected to do something that shouldn’t have fallen on his shoulders in the first place. As many times as it takes, she’ll reaffirm that it wasn’t his fault, she’s not angry, he’s always done his best and her opinion of him hasn’t changed. He’s a good person and she loves him through all the hurt, though she doesn’t drop the word ‘love’ for a long time. It just-- takes Louis a while to accept she views him as someone worthy of the love and respect she has for him. It’s kind of ironic she’s so adamant on Louis not blaming himself considering she’s the one privately blaming herself for-- wow there’s too much to unpack, she feels guilty she was even born?? im so broken over these two. I love them and yet they SUFFER...

9. What I’ve Done - Linkin Park i'll face myself / to cross out what i’ve become erase myself / and let go of what i’ve done today this ends / i'm forgiving what i’ve done

I have Louis Amamiya brainrot and I’m so glad I’m not the only one who thinks that this song fits him super well & it needs to become an AMV dsjfkldsfd. I’m a near life-long Linkin Park fan and this fits with Lou so well thematically. As much as I’ve gone on about Louis’ guilt, he does steel himself to keep going forward in spite of it and make things right, for everyone. Maybe it wasn’t really his fault, but at the end of the day his inability to kill Cruz in that moment left a disaster in its wake that got a countless number of people killed-- the MC included with Karen and Aurora. He doesn’t want to run away from the truth, doesn’t want to make excuses, he wants to take responsibility for it and he’ll work himself to death if it means things will be better-- it’s both admirable he’s got a strong resolve and VERY concerning with how willing he is to die for the cause, please don’t overdo it, Lou, you’ll break mine and Bethy’s hearts ._.;; It won’t always be easy, there are moments the grief gnaws at him, but in the end he does overcome it (and uh. as in the bad ending, we know he can actually do it this time). I know we can’t see everything, but I would have loved deeper character interactions, especially with Louis with an emphasis on grieving + forgiving himself properly-- but this song really is nice with the whole ‘I’m going to face my mistakes head on, forgive myself, and keep moving forward’. It’s what Louis deserves: self forgiveness and a damn break ‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

10. Call of Silence - Hiroyuki Sawano you will know you're reborn tonight / must be rough but i’ll stay by your side even if my body's bleached to the bones / i don't want go through that ever again so cry no more / oh my beloved ngl idk if those are the correct lyrics, buuuuuuut....... im a weenie and am internally weeping abt loubeth after midnight, what else is new lmfao- i’ll at least try to be brief :D I also used to really like Attack on Titan when I was in high school, I dropped the anime years ago because I was waiting for s2 and never got back to it once it started airing again, I thought I’d finish it once the anime was complete since I eventually caught up with the manga, such a good series BUT ANYWAY-- I think it’s a really pretty song and Loubeth fit with the tender lyrics. IT’S LATE, idk what to say about them other than what I’ve said already dsklfjdslf im sorry I really ramble a LOT and I’ve been so busy lately I haven’t had the chance to >w>;;

#i do not know how 2 b quiet #long post #personal text #yellowcrumpet

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mikauzoran · 4 years ago

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Ask Game: Mikau’s Headcanons - This Should Be a Drinking Game

Anonymous asked:

5&6

Thank you for the ask! ^.^

(The questions are from this list. So far I’ve done five, six, eleven, and fifteen.)

5. What’s your favorite headcanon you use in fics?

Oh my gosh. There are so many headcanons. XD I was actually just thinking last night that I needed to compile a list and turn it into a drinking game or something.

Take a sip of tea every time:

1. Félix is Adrien’s older brother (eight years older). He left home at sixteen, married Marinette’s cousin Bridgette, and now lives in Marseille where he’s a homicide detective. Bri runs her own bakery. They have a daughter named Noëlle and a son on the way. Fé used to play the violin competitively growing up, and Adrien learned to play Danse Macabre and the first movement of Beethoven’s Kreutzer Sonata from him.

2. Émilie was a stage actress, and Adrien used to do the child roles in whatever production she was in, so he grew up backstage and going to the theatre to see his mum a lot. Her signature role was Viola in Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night. When Gabriel and Émilie met going to high school in Marseille, she was performing Viola and dragged him into being on the costume crew for the school play once she discovered he was an aspiring fashion designer.

3. Adrien decides to pursue a career in acting. He misses performing from when he did it with his mum when he was a kid, and it makes him feel connected to her. He likes getting to portray all kinds of different people and experiencing what it’s like to be someone else. It’s a safe space for him to experience emotions since expressing emotions was frowned upon in his home growing up. The roles he really wants to play are Jean Valjean from Les Mis, the Phantom from Phantom of the Opera, Elphaba from Wicked, and Viola from Twelfth Night.

4. Adrien is originally left-handed but has learned to be ambidextrous. This is my hill to die on, and you can fight me over it. ^w^ It’s probably just production error/the creators not really caring, but I’ve noticed several times in canon where Adrien has been shown doing things left-handed. (I mean, he uses his right hand for things too, but...) In Origins, when he’s walking to class and signing autographs left and right, he does so with his left hand. In Marchand de Sable/Sandman when he’s doing homework in his room, his writing supplies are on his left side. (I just want some left-handed representation. Is that too much to ask? ;-;)

5. Adrien is biromantic asexual. Even when I pair him with Marinette, he’s never not bi. I don’t always write him as ace; sometimes he’s bisexual in my works, but I could see canon Adrien as ace.

6. Adrien’s comfort foods are mint tea and salad. When he was little, when he or Émilie had a bad day, she would kick the kitchen staff out of the kitchen, and they would make a big salad and some mint tea and enjoy it together. Now that she’s gone, he has mint tea and/or salad when he’s feeling down, and it’s comforting because it reminds him of his mother.

7. Adrien is a total anime nerd. He grew up relatively isolated from the outside world, so he learned about life and “normal”/“acceptable” human behaviour from Disney movies and anime. He’s always wanted to be a Disney princess and a magical girl. He was really inspired by Disney and anime protagonists who overcame the difficulties in their lives to achieve their dreams and find happiness and love. He has a lot of strong, female role models, starting with his mum, so he tends to identify with female characters more strongly than male characters.

8. Adrien is a polyglot. Obviously, he knows French, and he’s learned English because it’s required. Chinese lessons are canonical. He taught himself Japanese so that he could read manga and watch anime in the original (and pass it off as “studying”). He also speaks Russian (see “9″ below). He doesn’t speak Italian, but he has a passing familiarity with the language. He knows some phrases from opera from watching it himself and his mum’s career. He has some of his favourite portions memorized. He can insult someone’s sartorial choices in Italian from listening to his father do so on trips to Milan for business, and he knows survival phrases, but he can’t actually construct sentences or have conversations. He just hasn’t invested himself in it.

9. Adrien’s bodyguard’s name is Victor (really Viktor, but he uses the French spelling to fit in). He’s originally from Russia and still has family there. The reason why he doesn’t speak is because, even though he understands French just fine, he’s self-conscious about speaking it because of his accent. He’s also afraid to make mistakes, especially in front of Gabriel who is not a patient or tolerant man. Victor taught Adrien Russian, so now they can speak together, and no one knows what they’re saying. (Nathalie has picked up a little bit here and there, but not enough to have conversations.) Victor calls Adrien Adrianka. (It’s the Russian diminutive.)

10. Nathalie speaks a little bit of Mandarin Chinese. Her tones are so-so, but she can get her point across. She learned from listening in on Adrien’s lessons so that she could make sure he stayed on top of his curriculum. When Adrien has to miss Chinese lessons on short notice, Adrien’s teacher works with Nathalie instead.

11. Luka loves all music, not just rock or punk like we’ve seen on the show. I mean, the guy is portrayed as music being his whole life, right? He came to music through rock and roll because that’s what he was exposed to through his mother and her music career, but if you dig into the music and look at its history, where it came from, what inspired it, you start wandering back through time until you get to the big names of classical concert music. Luka is an inquisitive, thoughtful guy. I can see him digging into the roots of the music he grew up with and finding all sorts of cool influences. I can see him learning about and experimenting with different types/genres of music.

12. In university, Luka studies Literature with an emphasis on nineteenth and twentieth century Russia. Why? Below is excerpted from my response to a comment asking about this point.

Especially in the nineteenth century during the height of Romanticism, a lot of literary elements and themes made their way into classical music. Program music uses literary texts as a base and illustrates the story with music. Composers drew from the Russian literary tradition as well, particularly in opera. Tchaikovsky's The Queen of Spades is based on Pushkin's short story, and I just found out a month ago that Shostakovich turned Gogol's short story The Nose into an opera. In the arts, one thing always leads to another. It's like looking up something on Wikipedia. Two hours later you've become an expert on botany or Balkan folk dance. I think Luka would dig into the sources of inspiration for the music he was consuming in order to better understand the works and as a means of getting inspiration himself.

So that's why Russian Literature. I think he'd eventually find his way to it through music. Then, once you find Tolstoy or Dostoyevsky, you really get sucked in. For me, those two have such a way of depicting real human beings and what it means to be human. They really get at deeper human truths. Anna Karenina, Crime and Punishment, and The Idiot really capture that essence for me. (War and Peace too to some extent, but not as much as the other three.) I think Luka would really be drawn to Russian literature too and come to love it for itself apart from the musical inspiration he was able to derive from it.

13. In his teens, Luka takes more of an interesting in the piano and falls in love with the violin. He adds piano and violin performance majors halfway through university and ends up becoming a professional solo pianist as well as a first violin with the Orchestre de Paris.

14. Luka wears reading glasses. I don’t think I’ve used this one much. Actually, I can’t find where I’ve used this at all. :/ Well. I suppose there will be no tea drinking at this time for this headcanon. ^.^;

15. Luka has tattoos. I don’t think I’ve gotten around to this one yet either. Adrien and Luka talk about possible tattoo ideas in Chapter Four of Nachtmusik, but... At any rate, the full extent of the tattoos would be a stylized snake on his pelvis, Odin’s raven’s on his shoulder blades, a stylized snake bracelet under his regular bracelets, and a Chat Noir paw print under his ring. So far the paw print is the only one that I’m one hundred percent positive that will happen. The stylized snake on the pelvis is pretty up there too because in the Jabberwocky/Daisy universe I was going to have Adrien and Marinette squabbling over Luka, and Adrien was going to say that he bet Marinette hadn’t seen Luka’s snake tattoo. When Marinette asks Luka where he has a snake tattoo and learns how low on Luka’s stomach it is, she’s left wondering what’s going on between Adrien and Luka. I’m undecided about the ravens and the snake bracelet.

16. The children are always named Hugo, Louis, and Emma, but the birth order depends upon the pairing. Lukadrienette have Hugo (biologically Luka’s), Emma (Adrien’s), and then Louis (Adrien’s). Lukadrien have Emma (Luka and Rose’s), Louis (Adrien and Rose’s), and then Hugo (Adrien and Juleka’s). Adrienette have Louis, Hugo, and then Emma.

Which is your favourite of my headcanons? Which one would you like to see more of? Did I miss any? ^.^;

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wo-wann-was-wer · 5 years ago

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WHAT I WAS THINKING: DARK SEASON 3 EDITION

EPISODE 1:

Who are these dudes with the harelip and what do they want

Why did she just take him to a cave and leave that’s kinda rude

So everything in this universe is just gonna be backwards. Love it

Ugh I’ve said this a million times but this show has such Fringe energy and I can’t wait to get a tattoo for this too

This is super freaking me out, i dont like that everyone’s in everyone else’s house.

Ooooh Katharina with glasses yes girl you better work.

I like Michael and this hat he’s rocking

Super into the fact that magnus and fransizka are involved in this universe too

There’s nothing cuter than sex before school. Ahhh the nostalgia

Ten bucks says that Hannah gets out of this bed and is pregnant

Fucking YEP

I am loving Martha in this Jonas journey

I know that all they did was flip the lens of the camera but my brain is breaking at this flipped Winden

Who the fuck is this random dude Martha is with

You know what he kind of looks like Jonas. I wonder if that's relevant or if I'm just grasping at straws

Bartosz looks like he's going to his first grade violin recital

I straight up just did not recognize Charlotte with makeup. She looks hot

There's got to be another person in that picture other than Ulrich because that's a lot of space to rip out for one person

okay hold up Woller looks so good and then when I saw that he was missing an arm I almost lost my fucking mind

Oh shit okay Hannah is living in Katharina's house.

Oh my God are Ulrich and Charlotte having an affair

Is it normal in Germany for kids to just walk into classes that aren't there’s and just sit down

follow up he has a clear noose mark on his neck

Aleksander looks so hot with this beard. universe B is the fucking glow up universe

It's weirding me out that the whole school is black and gray instead of light brown

The look of satisfaction on katharina's face

Wow honestly Louis just broke my heart with his facial expression when he realized his mom didn't know who he was

he looks so scared

Yes yes do it afffffffffair

Oh no you done got found out!!!

Oh the theme of the play here is red and set of gold

Fransizka looks so cute in this little outfit

Oh my God she's deaf!!!!

What the fuck. the fact that this actress can talk is blowing my mind

RIP to Regina a real queen

Peter's a fucking priest

All the fucking weird-ass freaky motherfucking trio is back

The dopplers have the same house That's cool

excuse me sir I think your child is broken

these guys are so creepy What the fuck

I definitely don't like the piano wire

oh this motherfucker is the one who gets lost

I feel like winden in this universe is just a little bit fancier

Well Charlotte and Ulrich just be fucking like crazy

Bartosz is the Jonas of this group and I love it

who was that??????

I cannot get over Aleksander in this beard

I like that things are opposite but they also have things that are different enough.

Like I'm so into the fact that they all went down into the bunker

who in the unholy fuck is that. who is that

Oh shit old Martha

What the fuck is this Tannhaus’ factory we're at

hold up Martha's in 1888

What the fuck. why is Jonas in 1888 and looking SO good

EPISODE 2:

casually sitting over your bed watching you sleep

he's look so good though

yo what the fuck everybody else is there too

Oh no things got really ugly at Mads’ wake

Not for nothing but Tronte is a dick

I kind of don't understand why Claudia would want Regina to live in such pain in this type of universe

Peter is such a good boy

lurking is the freaking national past time of this place

Oh shit we got some spin-off timeline stuff good

who is This is blind guy

I love Katharina so fucking much

I know what she's thinking and it's the same thing I'm thinking which is can I kill a child

why does this picture of Tronte make him look like Jimmy Smits

Katharina looks amazing in this jacket

Also I definitely did not just start yelling GO GET YOUR MAN KATHARINA

Regina just gets more and more badass as time goes on. Also all of the women of the tiedemann family are so fucking badass

I am so excited to watch this fucking relationship develop. they're both too cute

awwww he's using signs!

oh they're writing back and forth

DAMNIT PETER

I always feel like little Noah should do fuckboy sign offs when he leaves rooms because he's so smooth

yesterday Laurel said that this was back to the future but serious and just now Bartosz said it's not super easy to get nuclear fuel in 1888 and now I think that Laurel's right

I will never get over how good he looks JONAAAASSSSSSS

This guy feels like the OG inventor of sic mundus right

Katerina why are you even trying to check in at the front desk bitch Go and get your man

Is this Katarina's mom why does she just recognize that woman's name

everyone on the show is so talented.I spend the whole damn time being like oh my god the performances on the show and it's like yeah we know

Katerina get your man

I literally love them so much look at the look on her face She is a mama bear She is not going to let anybody take her man or her children and I love her

Not a huge fan of people who quote Shakespeare right before they kill other people or am I an enormous fan of people who use Shakespeare right before they kill other people

using a garotte to kill someone is ugly as fuck

I feel so bad for Jana

see this is one of the reasons why I'm like why would you bring Regina back to this world.

wowwwww TRONTE what's up dude

YO WHAT

Oh so how did Charlotte get back there but Elizabeth's still there too. didn't they switch places?

oh the head bump

Not excited for the mother daughter abuse stuff that's about to happen

I love these split sequences that they do at the end

anytime somebody stands and stairs for a lonely at a spot on the ground I assume to somebody died there

Oh shit that guy is a tannhausokkkk I see you

a religious images we love to see it.

This show is a whole series of pause that frame.

No I ruined something for myself!!!!

EPISODE 3

got to love those through and through Ariadne references

okay so Charlotte's great great grandfather has her watch?

who are these horrible traveler human beings

they look like less sexy Francis dolarhydes

I can't get over the fact that wollers missing an arm here I swear

we ARE the glitch BITCH

alternate universe Ulrich is a better person than standard Ulrich

what's this new like zoom-y thing they're doing

I was attracted to Magnus at this jump of the show but he looks better with dark hair

How did they not all die of fucking flu

eternally repeating deja vu

I looked at the production stills and I was like what the fuck is this hair do that Moritz has but he looks amazing

Also everyone on this show deserves an acting award

and Magnus is wearing a skeleton sweater

Hannah does that deep dive detective work any bitch knows the Nose doesn't lie

why doesn't anybody want to fuck wöller

omgggg eat the RICH

also he has that x tattoo on his hand that represents the no future thing

oh the light is rectangular and not circular ooooooh fancy

The show is also a lot of people catching each other's wrists as they walk away

I knew we couldn't trust this bitch

What did he give her

I love the parallels and characters behaviors between universe a and universe b

I want to know how Noah factored into all of this on this side

Martha has a type and her type is iconically Aryan

Oh Aleksander's back with that beard he's back

Hannah is such a snake

Omg that's her!!!!! I thought she was a trans actress.. hm. not super happy bout that :/

What is Helge talking about Ulrich did what??? omg

I would be like SIR DO WE NEED TO FIGHT STOP FOLLOWING ME

I stopped taking notes for the last half of that episode cuz I was really sucked in haha

EPISODE 4

FIRST OF ALL I'D LIKE TO GO ON RECORD THAT I DON'T CARE FOR THESE GENTLEMEN AT ALL

second of all why is this guy being like oh I took your name

why does he have Agnes's bracelet I don't like that

I don't like anything about this guy That's the end of the story

Also hold up a red hot second is Agnes dead cuz if so that's a hate crime

see what did I say

I knew that Hannah was going to get involved with Egon

from the second she walked in that office I was like that bitch has her eye on him and as she should he's handsome as fuck

Also he spoils her so much more than any other man she's ever been with AKA is Egon the only man she ever deserved

Is Hannah going to develop a heart cuz I'm not sure how I feel about that

Also what happens if Hannah gets pregnant

why is Ines a bitch I thought she was mad cool the beginning and now I feel fucking deceived

Also it's such a sweet gig that The kids who are playing kids can now play teenagers

poor Doris. Also he was shitty to her but he was far nicer than I would have been

Doris is so beautiful it's bullshit

older Magnus is so handsome

All I wanted was middle-aged Martha

bitch you have been having unprotected sex with him why do you think that pregnancy was not on the tabl

I'm like who's this guy in the church if it's not Noah I bet it's that little bitch

yeah I fucking knew it

Is this the dude that was married to Agnes I feel like this guy isn't real or something

I'm not surprised he let her go but I don't know why I'm not surprised. I feel like she's important to his timeline and I'm not sure why

look at these relationships forming between these sweet little bab

Hannah looks good in this red. Hannah looks good in all of these styles.

who is this child

I like that already as a child Bernd had his eye on Claudia as someone who was smart and had a ton of potential

I keep forgetting that I'm taking notes because I get so invested in episodes

Also I realize the zoomi thing which is going back and forth between the universes

Is Agnes Silja’s mom And if so with whom

he gave her Agnes’ bracelet that dope All right Tronte

Wow Claudia needs to back off her man

Claudia force him into a relationship with her

I fucking hate Hannah but sometimes she speaks so much sense

ooh I don't need anyone Yes girl that's true You don't need anyone You needing people was what made you act fucking crazy You don't need anybody

This was always my big problem with Hannah was that I initially identified with her because she was such a survivor but then she did such horrible reprehensible things I just couldn't let it go and I absolutely couldn't identify with her anymore

Oh here's my daddy Noah looking so good

I mean okay so I have been in this position before where I was cheating and then my man cheated on me and I was like how dare you but also you cannot be mad if your partner cheats on you when you cheated too. You both fucked up

Is Hannah going to have a redemption arc cuz that's a lot

Oh my God she's not going to get rid of this child is she

Oh my great God I cannot believe that she gave Helene that necklace.

I knew she was fucking connected to Katharina in the older generation I knew it

Louis and Lisa are a super cute couple and I know that they're not dating in real life but I think that they're very cute together

Oh everybody fucking

yeah they created the Apocalypse yeah

Oh no they have a child outside of worlds that's a mess How does that work so they had they gave birth to that ugly fuck

honestly I hate that he's their child for the most part just because he's ugly as fuck and neither of them are ugly as fuck so it makes me mad.

#episodes 1-4 #live reacts #dark season 3 #spoilers #spoilers dark season 3 #dark #dark network

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