#in social work or counselling just so i can help folk

[trans-ralsei]

some part of me really wishes I actually chose to do social work because...

it would probably have cracked my egg way sooner

it would help with the number of stray cats/catgirls I've talked to that's jumped to the 'i wanna kms' side of things

it would have helped with the number of children that have straight up been abandoned by their parents or were put in a state of neglect. this is in a city where children are legally mandated to care for their parents; parents often just feel entitled to their children's attention and affection and do nothing to engender said attention or affection.

the city's social support is shit and while there is a rising number of queer social workers the system is overstrained

[geekybombshell]

Scarleteen is Turning 25! Can You Help Me Keep Us Going Into 2024 and Beyond?

It’s Scarleteen’s 25th! That's a helluva thing for a scrappy little independent, grassroots, queer, feminist, sex education resource: a quarter-century of providing progressive, inclusive sexuality and relationships education, information and support, and resources to tens of millions of young people all over the world. 

If you know me at all, you know that my work at Scarleteen is deeply, deeply important to me, and that this year I was honored to become on of the three co-directors! 

We're in a particularly rough spot this year, despite working our butts off both doing all of the very valuable work for young people we do at Scarleteen, and trying to raise and secure enough funding to keep on doing it all. To get through 2024 and into the years beyond, we currently need around 750 new monthly recurring donors* (or the financial equivalent). 

We're looking for people to host personal fundraisers just like this one to help us reach that goal. I've set a modest one; $100= 10 people signing up for $10 a month or more recurring donations.

Here's how you can help me to do that:

You can take part in my personal fundraiser and, if you're not already, become a recurring donor today.

You can also host your own fundraiser just like this via this link: https://www.classy.org/campaign/support-scarleteen-on-our-25th-birthday/c546792 (this is a great option if you're one of the folks who already has a recurring donation and things others should too)

You can share this on your social media.

You can do all of the above!

Curious about why we're looking for 750 donors?

750 new recurring donors at an average monthly amount of $10 for at least a year will allow us to fill a current funding deficit that we must resolve before summer of 2024 to keep doing all the things we do and give us some momentum towards meeting more than just our minimum needs.  

In the 25 years we’ve existed for, we’re served close to 90,000,000 people. And our work is more essential now than ever. We’ve been experiencing a growing wave of legislation designed to cut young people off from vital and wanted information, support and community, especially young queer and trans people. In the last several years, we’ve also seen many sources of independent, feminist and queer, media shutter or give up their independence, some at the cost of their ingenuity or integrity. 

Scarleteen is and has always been fully independent, feminist, queer media. We don’t de-fang our content in order to appeal to advertisers or other sponsors. The kind of sex ed we offer – unapologetically queer, pro-abortion, feminist, justice-minded and pleasure-forward –  means that what paltry government funding there is for comprehensive sex education wouldn’t be within our reach without us…well, not being us. And it’s precisely who we are and how we do sex ed that served all the people we have over the years so well.

We center young people in our work, and believe they’re entitled to the kind of education and support they can access through our site and services for free. But even if we didn't, most of them don't have the ability to pitch in financially anyway. We need your help so we can keep helping them. 

If we were there for you when you or your kids were younger; if you use us in your classroom, your health curriculum, your counseling or healthcare office; if you refer young people to us; if you return to our content time and again to share on your social media, to pass onto friends, or as a resource for your own research or writing; if our work helps you, even though you’re not a teenager or young adult anymore? I hope that if you're at all able, you'll become a recurring donor today.

Thank you!  As always, if you can help keep us not just open, but growing, adapting, creating and serving for many years to come, I appreciate you to the max!

* At an average monthly donation of $10 run for at least a year.

[x-rainflame-x]

Tagged by the lovely @rainintheevening !

Are you named after anyone?: My middle name came from my grandmother ✨

When was the last time you cried?: Geez, I can’t remember. I wanted to cry last week, but my eyeliner looked too good. #priorities

Do you have any kids?: No, but I do have an adorable doggo.

What sports do you play/have you played?: I am not what the kids would call “athletic” 🤣 I used to play tennis in hs, but I’ve always been an arts kid.

Do you use sarcasm?: Daily.

What is the first thing you notice about people?: Not to be weird, but the energy they’re coming at me with, if that makes sense? Like, are they confident, appeasing, uncomfortable, etc.

What's your eye color?: Green ✨

Scary movies or happy endings?: Happy 👏 endings 👏

Any talents?: Not to brag, but I can both pat my head AND rub my tummy at the same time. Please hold your applause.

Where were you born?: Texas.

What are your hobbies?: Writing, art, music, gardening, musical theater, reading, occasionally gaming.

Do you have any pets?: Yes! I have some fish and my doggo. She’s a therapy dog, so we go visit nursing homes and other facilities on the weekends. She has better social skills than I do.

How tall are you?: 5’8” ish?

Favorite subject in school?: Choir/Musical Theater.

Dream job?: Gonna channel my inner Izumi . . . I’d really just like to be a housewife 🤪 If that doesn’t work out, really just a job that helps people, like counseling/etc.

Tagging these fine folks: @nightofnyx8 @worldwithinworld @elricsyao and anyone else that would like to! <333

[writingsforwinter]

hi meggie have you ever struggled with substance abuse? i'm going through it rn :(

Hi! Yes, I actually have. I'm really sorry you are going through this.

Content warning for substance use and overdose mention below

I don't talk about this much, but when I was in college, I started using alcohol to cope with the trauma of my then-partner raping me. It got really out of control and I was drinking all the time, stealing alcohol from peoples' rooms, carrying a water bottle full of clear vodka with me everywhere, constantly blacking out and having drunk sex with strangers, etc. I ended up in the ER from alcohol poisoning multiple times across a few months and was very close to dying several times.

Things are a lot better for me now but it was hell. I did attend mandated outpatient counseling for several months in an all-women's group and that helped, but if that's something you want to try, I'd recommend researching different aspects of the group first. For me, it was helpful to feel less alone and to connect with others about shared experiences, although most of the women were much older than me so it was hard to relate to them sometimes.

Some substance use support groups are closed (same people attend each time for a set time); others are open (anyone can join); some are mixed-gender, some are for individuals of one gender, etc. Nowadays there are more and more groups for LGBTQUIA+ folks, BIPOC folks, women, etc. I attended one AA meeting once (not sure what substance(s) you're struggling with) and it was absolutely not for me, although it works for others. SMART Recovery Groups, the few of which I attended, seemed a lot less focused on religion and less focused on "deficits," to me personally at least.

You can easily find a virtual support group or an in-person one any day of the week at all times if you do a Google search.

Some groups ask for participants to remain abstinent throughout the duration of their participation in the group. Honestly, that can be really hard. I'm sure there are more flexible groups out there if that's something that's hard for you, if you want to attend a group.

What also helped me, to be honest, was going through my Master of Social Work graduate program and learning more about substance use during the program. I learned a lot about neuroscience as it relates to addiction, cravings, dependence, withdrawal, and tolerance, and I also learned about different models of substance use, including harm reduction models. This actually helped me feel a lot more comfortable publicly identifying as someone in recovery, which lessened the stigma and shame I felt, although I still feel a lot of it.

Also, maybe you could look into peer recovery services? These are services, including peer recovery coaching, where you work one-on-one with a peer who is in recovery. There's still a power differential of course, but it's less of a power-imbalanced relationship than one between a counselor and a client or a psychiatrist and a patient, for example.

A red flag for me is if a program or group uses the language of "alcoholic" or "addict" because, and this is just my personal opinion, it reduces someone's identity to their substance use and is pejorative. But for other people, that language might work for them. But language is a big indicator to me whether I think a program or service would be a good fit for me.

Finally, if you are in college, some colleges have Collegiate Recovery Programs. These are programs on campuses that provide peer recovery support through campus culture. It can be helpful to people surrounded by other students who are drinking or using drugs. The one at my grad school offers a TON of events for members, pizza parties, sober tailgating, weekly meetings, and even roadtrips.

I hope I didn't overwhelm you. If there are any other ways I can help or you have any questions I'm always happy to answer <3

[sneepity-snoop-snorpity-sneep]

i want spinner to get the quirks eating his brain matter removed and get medical attention, i want the 1A kids to not have to fight a war, I want kurogiri to get his memory/freedom back, I want shigaraki to be freed from AFO, i want dabi to get healed, i want miruko to NOT LOSE ANY MORE LIMBS she already lost TWO and part of her ear, i want toga to get therapy and quirk counseling, i want magne and twice to be alive, I want AFO dead, i want the todoroki family to be a family again*, i want the PLF and league to stop trying to trigger anarchy-armageddon, i want all the younger characters who had to shoulder so much shit to get hugs and have their elders shoulder it for them, i want eri to grow up happy, i want someone to tell izuku he isn’t responsible for solving every problem and him wanting to help who he can is enough, i want bakugou to survive and grow as a person, i want to see acknowledgement and reparations for how heteromorphs are treated, i want uraraka and toga to reach an  understanding of one another, i want the heroes to decide to break down their corrupt instutions, i want society to stop using ‘villain’ as an actual legal term, i want all might to live to see a society where people don’t need a symbol to be hopeful, i want stain to see a psychiatrist, i want aoyama to get compassion and help, i want hawks and lady nagant to live and testify against the hero commission and stand trial for what they need to be held accountable for, i want someone to science a way to fix the noumus and let them be people again, i want any and all trials hypothetically held after the war to not just be emotion-fueled spectacles to satisfy the public’s want for punishment but actually FAIR trials that examine all the factors in each case, i want the story to subvert the ‘redemption by death’ for all applicable characters, i want amajiki to grow and become more confident with himself, i want hagakure and yaomomo to get an ACTUALLY-FUNCTIONAL HERO UNIFORMS, i want midnight to be alive, i want tartarus to be closed, i want the hero industry to stop using a ranking system, i want the hero industry to add ‘social service heroes’ as a branch of hero work, i want mha’s society to teach history better and put the due responsibility back on its citizens to hold it up, i want inko midoriya and rei todoroki to be friends, i want shinsou and monoma to become a great heros, i want izuku to become a great hero and talk about his life pre-One For All and advocate for change, i want hatsume mei to become a great support-item inventor with melissa shield, i want the hero students to get a official government apology for being unofficially drafted, i want the villains to get an official apology for being let down when they were innocents*, i want tsukauchi all might and nedzu to tag-team-investigate the hero commission, i want all my blorbos to get a bowl of warm soup and a soft blanket

i want sO MANY THINGS TO HAPPEN and i KNOW!!! i know i’m setting myself up for disappointment and i am crabby about it

*not endeavor. for the rest of the family to heal, he has to be put in indefinite time-out - he also has to stand trial for all of the shit he pulled so no one has the chance to make him a martyr

*not including re-destro and any of his close right-hand folks in the original MLF- he was a rich dude whose goal wasn’t to fix the issue of how people are treated for their quirks or how they’re forced not to use a part of themselves except in government service, he wanted to create an opportunistic, supremacist-style society where the current attitudes towards not-strong/undesirable quirks would be amplified to ‘those with these praised and acceptable abilities get to do whatever they want and everyone else has to take it because we shouldn’t have to care about people if they can’t force us to respect their rights as people’

[firespirited]

It's really context specific.

There are people in your life who would be annoyed and even hurt if you didn't talk about the tough stuff with them and there are ways of making sure the other person has the option to say I'm not coping or I need a little time to process before we continue.

There are spaces like support groups where it helps others open up if you open up: people wouldn't be there if they weren't looking for a 'to and fro', wanting to feel needed and useful too.

The main example of inappropriate trauma-dumping would be when someone has made media about a heavy topic or happened to mention a heavy topic and the comments or public Q&A involves people coming up and speaking their painful stories when the person and the audience just isn't equipped to handle it. A smaller book club or friend group would be a better place.

For example: Tarana Burke had systems set up to direct people to counsellors and resources, Rose McGowan had a breakdown during her book tour from people sharing their stories.

There are folks who have shared on social media who have felt validated by people sharing and others who felt retraumatized and there is a very careful line to tread: Saying "I've been through the same and it's awful, you're being so strong, I wish you well" is very different from a detailed account of what happened and the ways you were hurting. There are people who experience others' testimonies as catharsis and other people (or just times in their life), well, it pushes all their buttons and they spiral.

Another would be a friend who doesn't reciprocate emotionally over a long period (people go through bad patches and it's understood - we're talking, like, long term here) but expects you to just absorb often triggering information whenever they need - when a helpline or support group as the main funnel for this would be healthier for your friendship, even if it means you attend together. Having a moderator involved and set times can be a huge load off your shoulders.

There's a format to follow, both as friend or in a support group online or offline: someone shares and instead of immediately sharing your own story, you take the time to acknowledge that person's feelings, THEN share how you relate THEN assess if the conversation is right for your testimony possibly use trigger warnings and offer the option to tap out if the other person is too drained from having shared.

If one person isn't making space for the other(s) then the group needs better moderation or your relationship needs to change format so to speak, so you're sharing in a way that's more structured and that could be a different discord or going to some sort of counselling/spiritual group or having a set activity like Thursday evening chit-chat before watching a tv show or over pizza because every single break at work or every meal shared with your roommate being about the trauma™ is messing you up.

I think the invention of the term "traumadump" has done discussion of mental health a lot of harm. I keep seeing discourse vs whether or not it's okay to talk about heavy topics with your friends, and like... I feel like there is a very big and important difference between my definition of traumadumping (ie. Frequently and habitually diverting your conversations with others towards your own misery, often with the goal of focusing attention and sympathy towards yourself at the expense of those around you, and without recognizable effort to reciprocate your empathy towards those you are speaking to or to ensure their comfort) VS the mere act of having heavier conversations with those around you. I've seen a lot of backlash to the idea of traumadumping as a concept lately (they paywalled human connection etc etc) but I think it's worth recognizing there is absolutely a kind of behavior that can create a negative feedback loop with this stuff. Especially if you navigate a lot of spaces in social media, it's not uncommon to find people dropping really heavy stuff on complete strangers unprompted. Idk, I think there's a degree of nuance to be had that's maybe getting a bit lost due to everyone having different definitions of what it means to "trauma dump."

[catherine333]

Three Approaches to Awaken Your Inner Shiva: The Divine Masculine

These days, there exists a lot of talk about "wild ladies," "female religious ascent," and "the holy feminine awakening." You are going to certainly come across discussions on sisterhood, feminine mysticism, womb magic, and calling on or adoring the goddess within on any kind of social websites. When we must regard the divine female, we also should keep in mind that every one of us possesses the divine male. Our religious awakening can only be well balanced if we integrate all facets of our masculine and female nature, rather than favoring 1 above another. This text about YourHighestTruth - divine masculine this means is right in your case. You can see more helpful hints for more information.

Spiritual progress is about nourishing, honoring, and harmonizing each sides of your character, as I previously mentioned. Every person has equally a masculine and also a female side to them, which includes males, women, and non-binary folks.

It is actually immature and prospects to suffering to disregard, deny, demonize, or see just one sort of energy as "lesser" than an additional. Avoid feeding your shadow self. Maintain this world from starting to be a lot more divided by not carrying out so.

Learn how to by natural means awaken both different types of electrical power in you. Here are some guidelines for acquiring and working with your interior Divine Masculine:

Examine the injuries about your masculine.

You may discover any implicit biases or prejudices chances are you'll have versus guys by hunting at your scars. These mental and psychological blocks may be really illuminating, plus they will support you in developing and fortifying a robust backlink together with your internal Divine Masculine, permitting you to encounter profound spiritual healing.

Explain your activities in composing and think about any recurring themes, like abandonment, companionship, alienation, love/hate, psychological proximity/distance, and so on.

Suppose personal accountability

Acquire treatment of on your own. Consider obligation on your steps. Be accountable to your pleasure. Don't allow on your own grow to be a helpless victim who wants guidance. You have to get duty for your personal feelings, views, and conclusions if you want to awaken the Divine Masculine.

When a thing goes wrong, really don't stage the finger at some others; this can be unproductive and also a waste of energy. Reclaim your warrior energy, regard yourself, and act responsibly.

three. Talk to your internal Father

Interior areas, or subpersonalities, are many facets of our nature that each one of us possesses. The different facets of our psyches are called "archetypes" by psychologist Carl Jung. Irrespective of whether we are male or woman, the father is usually a common archetype that all of us possess. Communicating with and setting up a romance together with your interior Father is one powerful system to awaken your Divine Masculine.

To attach with the interior Father, I counsel engaging in activities like journaling, numerous inventive expressions like portray and spontaneous composing, and perhaps employing tarot or oracle playing cards.

[lightofraye]

So… I’m going to hate myself for even having to agree, let alone what I’m going to write next. However, this emphasizes the point I’ve been trying to make for the last few weeks, including arguments with anons: Jensen is not perfect. He is not beyond reproach. He has made a lot of mistakes, starting with creating The Winchesters without notifying or including Jared in the process. It kind of snowballed from there, his attitude and treatment to fans who were hesitant or against the idea of The Winchesters, the inevitable ‘battle’ of Prequelgate, the Russian Game mess, the lawsuit from the cameraman on The Winchesters, and so on.

As my industry consultant had said, Jensen has been wildly inconsistent with his image, with his “brand”. He seemed lackluster about the work on The Winchesters; he never really promoted the hell out of it. If anything, I saw more about his work on The Boys than I ever did of The Winchester (I mean on his Instagram). The same about Big Sky, now that I think about it. The Boys he actually showed some things about his work and preparation; Big Sky and The Winchesters were virtually non-existent. (In rechecking, I see precisely one post about Big Sky, and nothing of The Winchesters.) He might’ve done more on Twitter, but again… consistency was lacking across Social Media.

Then there is his marriage to Danneel. He might’ve told ‘stories’ of Danneel at cons, but they’re usually stories that make it sound… separate. Not things done together (and no, moving furniture around isn’t really a couply thing to do), but emphasizing just how separated they are. How ‘scary’ she is. The whole “shark” thing (again, in business terms, that is a bad thing), comparing her to “Scary Spice”, and everything else he’s said about her. His stories are also inconsistent if people pay attention and guess what? We are.

Okay. Maybe not the AAs or the fanatical base, but the rest of us? We are. Oh we are.

So my thought is… he should lean into the PR of a marriage falling apart. Bad publicity is still publicity. What he’d have to do delicately is how he handles the fall out. (Are you listening, Gersh?) If he leans into the divorce/separation thing, it should then be followed by tons—and I mean tons—of outings with his kids. Some time spent with JJ alone, time spent with Zeppelin alone, and then time spent with Arrow alone. And then with all three. It’s summer, it’s hot—go to the blasted water parks (I’m sure Connecticut has water parks!). Do this in between conventions. That would hype the ‘family man’ image without the ‘wife’ image.

Here's why: no one (again, outside of the AAs and fanatical base) believes he and Danneel even love each other. Danneel has more chemistry with Steve Carlson than she does with Jensen. Hell, that’s fed her cheating/affair reputation. At least Jensen had the grace to never make his own affairs noticeable or public (if he’s had any during his marriage as opposed to before the marriage; heck, he and Danneel can try to change the story all he wants, we know he and Danneel were cheating as they got together).

He’d have to do that narrative consistently (there’s that word again!). Not just for a couple of months, but bare minimum of a year! During filming of Countdown, he should try to visit his kids as much as possible, make posts about how much he misses them, maybe even shots of him Facetiming them. Every time there’s a break in filming, he should go. Not hang out at bars; he should go see them!

If he proceeds with a divorce, be amicable as possible. No slamming Danneel at all; be graceful and rise above it. Mention going to therapy/counseling—embrace healthy masculinity! (As in, lean away from Soldier Boy’s toxic masculinity.)

I do believe that would help promote the “family man” image tremendously. Honestly, as I’ve mentioned, a lot of folks have noticed he’s unhappy and miserable with Danneel, the scant few times they’ve been photographed. The stories just don’t do enough. They aren’t coming up when Googled, so they don’t matter.

What would matter: tons of social media posts of him with his kids (candids would be better, not staged stuff!)—on all his social medias. (I believe he just has Twitter and Instagram, right?) If he isn’t able to handle that, hire someone.

And then, y’know, maybe humble himself and be a human being again. Not Dean; be Jensen.

I was on a live with my friend who has an account on Instagram specifically for Spn and she revealed that she went to a con and Jensen didn’t have his wedding band on and his manager found him, gave the ring to him and demanded he wear it. Apparently he seemed upset that he had to and he looked visibly sad and was anxiously fiddling with it the rest of the day. He doesn’t even hide his misery in front of us. Why do people choose to turn a blind eye and think danneel is a great person?!

Hi there!

Y'know, I had gotten this message this morning, but could not answer until now because of so many reasons, one of which was to ask which con this was at! Plus, I had to ask if you wanted me to hide your identity or not. I imagine there will be some Danneel stans and potentially AAs that will not take kindly to discovering that Jensen is very, very unhappy. It shatters their delusion of the "perfect marriage" and all that.

I'm heaving a sigh, because this is going to just pissed them off some more.

As I (and so many others!) have said: Jensen isn't happy!

Anyway, after corresponding with the asker, I have been able to confirm where and when this happened!

Credit to the asker who asked their friend and got me the information.

It happened at Burcon, during the St. Patrick's weekend. If it's the Gersh agent that was with him during at least one of the European cons (JIB, I believe?), I'm stumped as to why they would even care if Jensen was without his ring. I mean, it wouldn't be the first time.

According to the asker, it happened again while Jensen was at JIB.

We know that his "branding and endorsement" agent from Gersh was with Jensen. It's puzzling as to why. Maybe something involved regarding Countdown, but once again: why?

As confirmed by the person I spoke to, the follower who has been in the creative and entertainment industry, Jensen's narrative has always been inconsistent. If Jensen retained Gersh to expand beyond "brand and endorsement" to help improve his "family man image", I have so many questions!

Namely: the ring means jackshit. No, seriously, it means jackshit. All it indicates is that he's married--not that he's faithful, loyal, or anything. It's the keeping of the vows that make the difference, not the freaking jewelry.

Secondly: if he's so damned miserable--and anyone with eyes could tell, even in photos with Danneel, not that he's been seen with her in an age--why go through it even longer? Why impose such misery? Just end the blasted marriage and find happiness elsewhere already.

Third: if it is to improve the "family man image", uhhh.... going about it the wrong way. Especially given we haven't seen Jensen with Danneel since that one outing in Dallas... and that was just with Danneel. Family man image makes me think of him and his kids, which need not include his wife.

Fourth: Why does the manager/agent have the freaking ring?!

Soooo many questions, not nearly enough answers. I appreciate the asker for this incredible and heartbreaking update.

Oh! Before I forget! The asker asked: Why do people choose to turn a blind eye and think danneel is a great person?!

Because despite what they accuse me of, those Jenneel/AAs fans are putting themselves in that delusion. They want the marriage to be perfect, to have Jensen beyond reproach, to believe that Danneel is sweet and kind when we know better (seriously, I have quite a bit of evidence and there are others!). To see Danneel otherwise shatters that delusion and they can't accept it.

I, on the other hand, see Jensen as a talented actor who in a situation he's been miserable in for some time, placed on a pedestal that he never wanted to be on in the first place. However, to survive that attention, he became the mask. I don't know if he'll be okay....

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Hi! Can I request a HC about Riddle, Azul, Epel, Silver and Malleus trying to impress MC? The way of courting would be different depending on the gender of the MC? Thank you in advance! :) >w

Hello, Anon.

For the sake of trying to cut down on text and making things easier on me (there’s already 5 of them to write for), I’m going to write these headcanons assuming that the boys would treat the MC the same regardless of gender. It’s not like any of them are Leona chugging their wamen respekin’ juice. I hope that is alright.

Curiouser and Curiouser...

Epel Felmier...

...will work even harder to try and achieve peak manliness...!

More exercise, more protein, more sweat! Vil is utterly horrified.

He asks for workout advice from Jack and other folks in Savanaclaw.

Epel will puff out his chest with pride and let you know how much he has improved. (”Listen, listen, I can lift a little more weight now! And I can jog for a few minutes longer before running out of breath!”)

His eyes sparkle when he’s announcing his accomplishments, you have to admit that it’s charming.

Epel will also go out of his way to make cute little apple carvings for you. It’s no trouble at all, since you like them so much.

He has a hard time with expressing himself properly, but he hopes that, one day, his feelings will reach you. Until then, he will continue to improve himself every day so you will look at him as something other than just a friend.

Silver...

...will be more alert and attentive to your needs.

He pays attention when you speak, and takes note of little details.

Silver will go out of his way to alleviate minor inconveniences for you.

If you comment on how it looks like storm clouds are rolling in, Silver will offer you an umbrella for the rain. If you mention that you like a certain color, he’ll wear that color for his shirt the next time you hang out.

He’ll also be much more protective of you.

Someone tries to throw fists? Silver will be your shield.

Someone insults you? Silver will tell them to back off.

He knows you can handle yourself just fine, but he can’t help but want to protect you and show how reliable he can be...it’s his knightly instincts and training kicking in!

Azul Ashengrotto...

...will be unusually generous and sweet to you. He is so very, very kind and trustworthy, is he not?

Sweet words and compliments all of the time.

He will offer you a free drink or appetizer if you should ever happen to drop by the Mostro Lounge.

Azul will also offer to counsel you on any troubles you may be having.

If the opportunity allows for it, he will try to prod around in subtle ways to collect information on what your ideal type is, or to see if you reciprocate his feelings.

He may also be a little more touchy! Nothing too much since he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable. A casual hand on your shoulder, or brushing hair out of your face, etc.

Azul hopes all of these things will help you see him in a positive light, despite whatever unsavory rumors you may have heard about him though he might also send the twins in the silence anyone that shit talks him.

Malleus Draconia...

...will try to captivate you with shows of his magical ability, as well as sweet little romantic gestures--but nothing too crazy! He doesn’t want to make himself seem too powerful or unattainable to you.

For example, he might make dead flowers blossom again, or make it sprinkle on a dry day.

Malleus will carefully listen to you when you talk, and he will try and bring up points you have mentioned in the past in the current conversation to subtly point out how he is a very good listener.

He’ll pick small bouquets of wild flowers for you, or he might tuck a flower behind your ear, so you always have a small reminder of him with you.

Malleus also wants to show how gentle he is! He will happily play with the woodland creatures and invite you to join him.

He is very soft and gentle at heart even though he looks scary and hard to approach; hopefully that appeals to you...!

Riddle Rosehearts...

...will try to demonstrate how disciplined and responsible he is.

He will offer to help you with your assignments and test preparations.

Riddle will try to casually add in that he is an honors student.

And did he mention that he became the dorm leader of Heartslabyul at such a young age, and whipped all of its students into shape?

Riddle will also give you small gifts, from fresh roses to maybe a tart or two from his favorite local bakery.

He’ll invite you to Unbirthday parties too--so he can show you how nice and amicable he can be when he’s socializing. He’s not all work and no play!

Riddle hopes that his efforts will be effective in showing you how great and well-rounded he is as a person!

[live-love-laugh-lesbian]

So are we ignoring the very large amounts of trans women and the self identified queer folks who died in the AIDS epidemic? And the lgbt women who worked as nurses to help their communities? And the societal backlash the negative propaganda directed at queer folks (lgbtqa+, gnc, etc) caused during and after the epidemic? Do we just pretend it was just gay and bisexual cis men who were effected when the entire queer community were also right there in the middle of it too watching their brothers and sisters die? Because it wasn’t just gay and bi men dying and it wasn’t just gay and bi men in the middle of it all doing their best to help any way they could.

Also I can accept you not enjoying the use of queer, because it is a tender spot for some, but it’s wack you think others who use queer and have used queer and will continue to use it as an identifier to quit calling it the literal academic term, which is queer history.

I don’t care if this ask never sees the light of day again, as long as you read it and understand the way the aids epidemic and queerphobia still effect all of us in America, I have no clue what to tell you. Read some queer theory and also touch some grass. Chat with an elder trans woman who survived and thrived. Have a bike ride with a gay man who’s boyfriend, and his ex boyfriend, and his best friend all passed from the epidemic. Have a game of tennis with a lesbian gnc woman who was a nurse for her dying friends. Idk, dude. Just think about it at least. That’s literally all I’m asking you to do.

Well, dear anon, how to put this...you’re wrong.

Let’s start on the “very large amounts of trans women and the self identified queer folks who died in the AIDS epidemic”. Now, this is difficult, because back then most transwomen were homosexual males. Yes, I know you’re going to get angry at me for pointing out that those transwomen were same sex attracted, but there we go. (Note, I say most, not all.) This means they are, in fact, included in the gay men part. And it was the gay male transwomen who would have been primarily affected.

“Transgender women who have sex with men often, but not exclusively, engage in receptive anal intercourse – an efficient route for acquisition of HIV infection”

“For many transgender women, sex with men – including paid sex – can provide important validation of their gender identity. Sex work thus provides both desired gender affirmation and economic stability, often with greater financial rewards for sex without a condom”

(https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5947322/)

As you can see from the above article, a primary risk factor for transwomen getting HIV/AIDS is, in fact, being homosexual, or engaging in sex with other males. (Yes, anon, I am going to refer to their biological sex. It’s in fact very important here.)

“It is common for transgender people to obtain injectable hormones, the most common form of gender enhancement, and carry out the injecting themselves. Without counselling on safe injecting practices, people going through this process may be very vulnerable to HIV transmission because of the risk of sharing needles with others”

“There are high rates of unprotected anal sex among transgender women, which carries a high risk of HIV transmission.”

(https://www.avert.org/professionals/hiv-social-issues/key-affected-populations/transgender)

Again, here – anal sex, with transgender women being on the receiving end – aka, homosexual sex – is a risk factor, as well as simply the act of injecting hormones. Whether we like it or not, injecting foreign substances into you is always a risk, after all.

In short, anon, the transwomen you talk about having died are already included when I say gay men, because regardless of gender identity they are homosexual males.

“And the societal backlash the negative propaganda directed at queer folks (lgbtqa+, gnc, etc) caused during and after the epidemic?” You ask. Funny, that happens to be the exact slur (queer) they all had used against them! People died being called that slur.

Do you know why that slur is used, anon? “Queer” means strange and abnormal. Same sex attracted people – the lgb, and until more recently, the t as well – were the ones being called that slur throughout the 20th century. We were called that because our attraction was considered strange and abnormal. Whilst some have – both historically and in modern times – used it as a way to reclaim the word, to draw attention, etc, that doesn’t change that it’s a slur, and just like any other slur, it is a very personal and sensitive topic on whether to use it on an individual topic.

Do you think I, a physically disabled person, would call another physically disabled person a cripple? Do you think that it would be right for me to talk about “cripple studies” and “cripple theory”? To let it be so reclaimed that even big co-operations feel okay using the term, whilst people suffer from the slur? Or hell, any other slur for any other group?

A select portion of a group reclaiming a slur does not make it okay to be used collectively or against victims.

“Do we just pretend it was just gay and bisexual cis men who were effected when the entire queer community were also right there in the middle of it too watching their brothers and sisters die?”

I never said it was. I said – and I quote – primarily. And frankly, it doesn't matter. They deserve to have their particular struggles highlighted without having other sections of the acronym dragged into the matter, just like the other letters do.

“it’s wack you think others who use queer and have used queer and will continue to use it as an identifier to quit calling it the literal academic term, which is queer history”

I don’t especially care if an individual same sex attracted person uses it for themselves. (And yes, it’s about same sex attraction. The reason gender non conformance is hated is because people associate it with same sex attraction.) I do care about people using it to describe the whole community, and victims of that exact slur.

The academic term was called “gay and lesbian studies” until the 1990s (https://www.oxfordreference.com/view/10.1093/oi/authority.20110803100358573) and frankly, academia is frequently homophobic, sexist, racist etc...so I really don’t care whether that’s the new academic term for it.

“I don’t care if this ask never sees the light of day again, as long as you read it and understand the way the aids epidemic and queerphobia still effect all of us in America, I have no clue what to tell you”

Stop calling it queerphobia first of all. Using a slur in the “phobia” isn’t helping. You think victims of that slur would feel safe getting help if places start using “queerphobia”?

Second, if you don’t see how using a slur so broadly is bad then you don’t understand how it affects same sex attracted people anywhere.

“Read some queer theory and also touch some grass. Chat with an elder trans woman who survived and thrived. Have a bike ride with a gay man who’s boyfriend, and his ex boyfriend, and his best friend all passed from the epidemic. Have a game of tennis with a lesbian gnc woman who was a nurse for her dying friends. Idk, dude.”

I’ve talked, I’ve listened, I’ve read. Time for you to do the same.

“Just think about it at least. That’s literally all I’m asking you to do.”

Have some fucking empathy and don’t come whining to me about why slurs are okay. Slurs exist to vilify and stereotype the people they're aimed at, and nobody needs to, or should, roll over and let a bunch of ignorant assholes tell them to accept that a slur is "reclaimed".

[compo67]

Where in the World is Cal?

hello there!

oh my goodness, it's been a minute. hi. hello. please, sit down. can i offer you some tea? content note ahead for talk of hospice, Alzheimer's, chronic conditions, depression, grief.

well, y'all. it's been a rough year for me and my family. my grandmother passed away mid-March, after 10+ years of caring for her throughout her journey with Alzheimer's. we spent January to March doing in-home hospice. i trained with our hospice folks and became an aide, which meant i was doing vitals, lifts, transfers, ADLs, administering medication, managing hospice appointments, recording info, and counseling my mother. i was on the clock 24/7 and i worked my day job 2 weeks into March because i couldn't afford to take so much FMLA/unpaid leave.

i thought i was A+ prepared for late stage Alzheimer's care. i took trainings, i have lots of social worker friends who specialize in hospice/gerontology, and i'm a smart cookie. i read books, listened to podcasts, watched videos and braced myself. i made breakfast for four people every morning without fail. i pushed my body past its limits. i barely felt it, though, because i was in crisis/emergency management mode. i cried a lot. i picked up a lot of new trauma. nothing can completely prepare you--no amount of research or anecdotal references can. my grandmother raised me. she was my mother and my little girl all at once.

when you care for someone with Alzheimer's, they can become quite child-like. i bought her coloring books, foam building blocks, puzzles, stickers, and funny hats. the last 3 years of her life, she was mostly nonverbal, so we communicated through expressions. she had the brightest eyes. i'm a hands on, touchy feeling person--i was always holding her hand, kissing her cheek, running my hand through her hair, or hugging her close to me. especially in the last few months. i slept in a small couch at her bedside. it is still hard for me to wear earphones because then i can't hear if she might need something.

i'm often reminded of that quote of how lucky am I to have something to love so much that it hurts so much to let go. the study of astronomy helps me appreciate how fortunate i am, that in 4 billion years of life on this planet, i got to have this incredible woman be such a powerful force in my life. she was so kind, y'all. she was entirely devoted to her family. she was truly one of a kind.

i didn't immediately realize that when she stopped eating, so did i. we all did. i tried so hard, so much, to hold onto every moment i could. she passed away the day i got my second and final covid vaccine. she waited and held on through the weekend to quietly take a bow and slip into the next life, which was just so... on brand for her. she saw me through.

i helped pick out her last outfit. i stayed with my mom throughout all the necessary arrangements. we all cried together and on our own. friends came by in small groups and i leaned hard on them. covid made everything so much more difficult, so much more isolating. my friends set up meal trains and sent gift cards for food. the first week was something so painful, i don't fully remember it. food is only now starting to have a taste to it.

the second week, i helped my parents power wash the patio and some siding. i was in the garden, helping move stuff around. i helped my dad build a grill for my mom. march turned into april. we got my grandma's ashes back, with my grandfather's, and made a dedicated space for them in our home with their favorite portrait right next to them and a vase of fresh flowers. i felt better knowing she was back with us.

and then, y'all. i crashed. i hit the wall i knew i'd hit, but had no idea just how hard i'd slam against it. i couldn't walk. i couldn't get out of bed without help. i'd have two or three day stretches of intense pain, incredibly loose joints, and migraines. i slowly started to contact my doctors, updated them, and tried to get back on the horse. i started new meds, got labs done to test for mast cell issues, and started some prednisone. things seemed to pick up until 04/23, when i had a flare that almost sent me to the ER. in an ideal world, i would have gone to the ER. in this world, however, i know there's not much point in going when you have an acute on chronic flare up of rare and often misunderstood conditions.

with the hit my body took, my mental health took a nose dive. i had no idea what to do with myself. what is all this free time? what is this silence in the house? it's 1 AM, when did we do meds last? i should be doing X Y Z to prep for later. is the nurse or the social worker coming over tomorrow? where are my notes? no, wait. remember? she's gone. and over and over again. sometimes, i'd just sit in her room and cry. or i'd go outside, pick up a broom to sweep the leaves off the patio, and i'd cry there, because sweeping was one of her favorite activities. she loved organizing things. she liked seeing things neat.

i have what is known as the trifecta: Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, dysautonomia, and mast cell activation disorder. the first two i have a hold on, the third is new and i'm still learning. basically, MCAD means i'm allergic to everything/anything at any given time. my body just responds/reacts so much, i often can't know what. i'm on so many antihistamines, it's like a cocktail of stuff keeping me alive and out of the hospital. benadryl is my best friend. i got new epi pens and trained my mom and sister on how to use them. i react to lotion, any pressure on my face (even my glasses), direct sunlight, stress, and certain foods the most/most often. you can read more about MCAD to understand that it takes a big toll on your quality of life.

okay, so, what now?

well. i've just... been here. on the recliner. or in bed. or at the japanese dollar store i discovered that brings me all kinds of joy. last week, i had ice cream with a friend. a few nights ago, i watched a hockey game with two other friends. everyone in my circle is vaccinated, but i am still extremely cautious/spending a lot of time at home. this flare hit hard and i'm not at 100% yet. i'm taking steps towards it. i started working again, though even on that, i'm not 100%. some calls are super triggering and i have to step away. some weeks i struggle just to work my shifts. it's a work in progress. i'm more hopeful about this week.

every monday in may, i have a doctor's appointment or treatment. tomorrow is my bi-annual MRI for my liver tumors. i met with a new primary care doctor last week. i'm gonna start infusion therapy next month to see if it helps. i'm back on prednisone for a while longer so i can well and truly kick this flare in the ass. the new antihistamine cocktail seems to be working, i haven't been flushed/broken out into hives in a few days. building myself back up will take time. i'm just an impatient person.

so that's what has been going on, what i've been going through, and what i'm still up against now. grief is a harsh mistress. it'll hit out of nowhere. i try not to push down grief and just let myself sit with it. survivor's guilt is oof. flashbacks happen every day. i'm still meeting with my therapist and we are making good progress with EMDR. i've been reading more graphic novels and illustrating my children's book. i've been wondering about The Big Picture of my life like grad school and stuff like that. i take everything hour by hour, day by day.

i miss y'all. i miss fun. i miss smut and that toe curling i'm in love hold on while i swoon type of feeling. i miss writing banter that makes me cackle in my chair. i miss dean talking to me. i miss editing. i know it can't be forced. it's frustrating. i know it will be there when i'm ready.

so yeah. there we have it. wish me luck on the MRI. let's hope i get good techs and that they play classic rock in the tube this time. i'm thankful for fresh benadryl, cold water, and ice packs these days. i'm turning 33 at the end of this month. it's surreal.

thank you, as always, for being here.

thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for sticking with me and my writing. all my love.

-Cal

[hellomynameisbisexual]

Most people know to anticipate some degree of change when they’re in a committed, long-term romantic relationship: a desire for more nights in with Netflix instead of drunken ragers on the dance floor; the inevitable shift of physical appearances; the unexpected transformation of a side gig into a career. But many people assume sexual orientation is fairly stable—that whether you’re gay or straight, you’re “born this way,” and that’s what you’ll be forever.

That definitely isn’t always the case. But even though coming out as queer or bisexual in a committed straight relationship isn’t unheard of, a change in sexual identity is not something that many people anticipate happening within a long-term partnership, nor is it widely discussed. Despite the advancements in broader social understanding of LGBTQ issues made in the past decade, therapists Jared Anderson and Tamala Poljak told VICE that many of their patients fear that being bi or queer when straight-partnered could doom their relationship. There’s also a pervasive idea that a person in a hetero relationship can’t be LGBTQ because they have chosen to commit, and are presumably attracted to, a member of the opposite sex. But bisexuality is a valid orientation, and while it may feel intimidating to embrace this discovery and stay hetero-partnered, it’s by no means impossible.

“I believe both gender and sexuality [are] fluid, meaning we change throughout a lifespan,” Poljak said, adding that recent cultural shifts have likely led to light bulb moments for some individuals who has been denying or simply not recognizing their queer feelings.

Sexuality doula Isabella Frappier, whose work includes helping clients own and define their sexual expression, said that a person doesn’t need to have acted on any same-sex-attracted feelings in order to label themselves as queer or bisexual, and that bisexuality can be explored while still honoring an extant relationship, especially since everyone has different definitions of what it means to explore.

Bisexuality is often dismissed as a phase, and the idea that bisexual people are "just confused" persists. This is especially true for men; while bisexuality among women is slightly more socially acceptable (albeit because it’s fetishized and often viewed as an "experiment"), men often have to contend with the belief that bisexuality, as Carrie once put it on Sex and the City, is “a pit stop on the way to gay town.”

These myths stem from our society’s historically rigid approach to sexual expression. Experts are adamant that a person's bisexuality does not invalidate the love they have for their opposite-sex partner. According to Poljak, an associate marriage and family therapist, the idea that a person needs to “pick a side” is a rooted in heteronormative expectations.

The question, “Am I queer or bi enough?” can also weigh heavily on people who think they might not be all the way straight, as though there is a certain amount of "proof" that could confirm their sexuality. As much as those questioning might like to think there’s a litmus test that will tell them whether or not they’re truly bi, that’s simply not the case.

“For queer folks, it just isn’t so cut and dry,” Poljak said. “The hope to ‘figure it out’ and/or find ‘an answer’ is a pretty rigid idea steeped in heteronormative expectations. It also puts a lot of pressure on a person to have to declare one thing and stick to it. If you know you are attracted to one or more genders, then it’s really that simple.”

A journey into one’s queerness doesn’t have to involve sex outside of the relationship, or even sex in general. Just noticing that you’re attracted to other genders can be the extent of this exploration. The act of coming out to yourself, or maybe saying, “I’m bi. I don’t know what that looks like yet, and that’s OK,” has the potential to be extremely affirming.

You might find comfort in connecting with other queer folks, especially since identifying as queer might otherwise make you feel vulnerable or isolated. Some people are validated by coming out to friends and family, or by getting involved with the queer community. Frappier encouraged people exploring their bi/queer identity to go to LGBTQ events, read books about sexuality or written by queer authors, support bisexual artists and musicians, or join queer groups. Online, Reddit’s r/bisexual subreddit is a funny and informative space for bi folks to ask questions or simply discuss their experiences, while the Fluid Arizona resource page and Autostraddle's events and meet-ups can help queer folks build an IRL community.

If you decide you want to connect more physically with your queer sexual desires, but aren’t sure where to begin, start small. “I’d first encourage a person in this situation to start by considering the multiple ways they can explore their queerness on their own,” Frappier said. “That can be through watching ethical same-sex porn, or writing your own erotica.”

Experts strongly encouraged discussing your queerness with your partner eventually, as the secrecy can ultimately strain the relationship. (It can also contribute to the harmful idea that your queerness is somehow scandalous, or something to be ashamed of.) If you’re worried that your partner will react poorly, or you aren’t ready to share your feelings with them yet, consider talking to a professional, a trusted friend or loved one, or a queer friend who may relate a bit to what you are going through. Poljak, who is trained as an LGBTQ-affirmative therapist, said it’s crucial for people questioning their sexuality to have a solid support system. Studies show that bisexual people are at a higher risk of depression, anxiety, and experiencing violence than their gay, lesbian, and heterosexual counterparts. While staying in the closet can be a necessary choice for a myriad of reasons, research shows that the stress of concealment contributes to disrupted relationships, feelings of shame and guilt, and symptoms of anxiety and depression.

If you feel ready to talk with your significant other, avoid starting the conversation when either of you are tired or distracted, in the middle of a fight, or in any situation where tensions are high. Instead, choose a time when you both feel relaxed and won’t be rushed, like over coffee on a Saturday morning.

You don’t have to have everything figured out before you talk to your partner. Frappier said that it’s perfectly fine to tell them you’re in a questioning, exploratory phase, and then communicate what you’d like that to look like. There’s no need to choose a label unless you’d like to.

“Explain to [your partner] how you’ve been feeling, what you’re desiring to explore, and how you imagine that could look within your relationship,” Frappier said. She advised that it’s wise to let your partner know that your sexual expression is not a reflection of the relationship, but more about exploring a new part of yourself.

“Once you’re finished speaking, it’s important to give them space to share, and to really listen to how they are feeling,” Frappier said. “They may take it in stride, or need a little time to process it.”

Don’t stress if the first conversation doesn’t go as well as you’d hoped; this will likely be the first of many discussions. Anderson, who specializes in trauma and relationships, said that if any of these conversations get heated or overly emotional, it’s a good idea to press pause and revisit the topic once both partners have had a chance to cool off.

Couples therapy can also be extremely beneficial. “Ideally, both the person coming out and the partner of that person would be in individual therapy with a therapist who is trained in LGBTQ-affirmative therapy,” Poljak said. “The same is true if [you're] deciding to open your marriage, explore polyamory or emotional monogamy, and/or redefine your marital contract. The therapist needs to have more than just general knowledge of alternative, queer lifestyles, and understand the multiple systems at play.”

Psychology Today is the most thorough national network for finding mental health professionals, and allows users to search using various classifications, including sexuality and type of therapy (the “compassion-based” and “culturally sensitive” filters are good options for LGTBQ folks). Some health insurance plans allow users to filter for therapists who specialize in LGBTQ issues when searching for in-network providers. For POC-specific options, the National Queer and and Trans Therapists of Color Network is a good resource. For those struggling to find an in-person therapist, Pride Counseling offers digital therapy sessions via phone, messaging, and video call.

After your initial conversations and once you've sought any additional support you might find helpful, you and your partner may want to formulate an action plan. If you want to include your partner in your sexual exploration (and they are comfortable with that), the plan might include attending queer events, watching queer porn together, role-playing, engaging in threesomes, and/or swinging. If you’d prefer to explore your sexuality without your partner, but with other people, you may need to discuss opening up your relationship.

“Some folks find it exciting or even sexy, and perhaps a discussion unfolds about opening up the marriage or exploring poly or engaging in new kinds of play and fantasy with their partners,” Poljak said. “Maybe it even inspires their partner to share with honesty some queerness of their own that is emerging. Ideally, there is space for people’s differences and otherness to be expressed without having to lose the relationship, or having to abandon or sacrifice yourself.”

This sort of exploration is not one-size-fits-all. Regardless of the route you take, Frappier stresses the importance of discussing boundaries and safety throughout. If the two of you are struggling to find some sort of consensus when it comes to boundaries, that doesn’t mean the discussion regarding exploration is over forever. It’s very common for couples to have multiple conversations surrounding this topic, especially if one partner is asking to renegotiate the marital contract in some way.

Just as it’s reasonable for a person to want to explore their burgeoning sexuality outside of the relationship, it’s also reasonable for the other partner to say, “I’m not cool with that.” In some instances, it might be in the interest of both individuals to go their separate ways… and that’s OK, too.

“A marriage is a partnership that lasts as long as it’s right,” writer Nadia Rawls said after coming out to, and, later, ending things with her now–ex-husband. Rawls said she tried to make it work with her husband for six months, but ultimately realized that separating was the best option. “It takes a hell of a partner to help their spouse grow into the person they really are,” Rawls wrote. “Even if that means losing them.”

Rawls’s story is just one of many—Frappier and Poljak said that many couples make it work, too. It’s hard to predict how your partner might react, or how you’ll feel or what you’ll want, once you start exploring your queerness or bisexuality. That uncertainty is part of what makes the process of coming out in a straight relationship so intimidating. But the reward of being honest—both with yourself and with your partner—is the gift of a more authentic life. Regardless of the outcome, that is worth pursuing.

[genderfluid-existence]

Hi, I’ve been questioning if I’m genderfluid on and off for some time now, and so I thought I’d ask for advice from someone who knows that they’re genderfluid

1. Before you knew for certain that you were genderfluid did you feel like there were possibly other people in your head besides you? Not in a dissociative identity disorder kind of way, but something else? (sorry for the bad wording there)

2. What were some more obscure signs you were genderfluid?

3. Part of the reason why I don’t want to say I’m genderfluid is bc I’m worried actually cis, and that I’m just pretending to be genderfluid due wanting to fit in w/ my friend who is trans/wanting to be more queer than I already am (I already know I’m somewhere on the bi+ spectrum), it’s a coping mechanism for my semi-not-good mental state. (sorry again for the bad wording), do you have any advice regarding this?

Sorry a third time for the bad wording, but I need advice, and this seems like a good way to get it.

Howdy 🤠

I'm always very happy to help, but as always, keep in mind that you are the only person who can say what your gender is, what will make you happiest, and what is the right choice for you. I can only speak from my own experience.

1. Oh boy, quite a question right off the bat. The answer is kind of, I guess. I've actually wondered if I had DID for a long time. I almost certainly don't, but it's definitely very easy to worry that you've confused the two.

It's sort of hard to answer because I don't know specifically what you mean, if not in a DID way. But I'm curious, so do elaborate if you'd like.

I am not a different person when I am a different gender, but it's possible to think of my gendered selves as "personas" in a way, so in that way, I suppose you could explain it like that.

I also engage in a lot of self-dialogue and self-reassurance, which often manifests in my thoughts being formed in a conversational way (including the pronouns you. And yeah, I feel a little weird about it this, but it doesn't seem to cause any issues). There's nothing that indicates that I feel that there is another enitre person on the ends of these mental conversations, let alone that the two ends are different genders. However I still have yet to understand a lot about my inner workings. Some may judge this as a disorder.

Finally, I think I have some identity-formation problems. Including the fact that I often feel like my mental understanding of how I present to people changes a lot. Not strictly in a gender way, nor in a DID way (at least I hope not). I just have trouble forming a stable image of "me", so sometimes it can feel like I'm different people.

2. Hmm, interesting. I'm sure there are many that I have yet to identify since they come with time.

When I was a child I remember having a minor fascination with having a male version of myself. I've found an old drawing of myself next to an imagining of a male version of myself.

Also, I imagine that if questioning is especially long and difficult, it could be a sign of fluidity. I say this because if you feel one way for a period of time and another way for another period of time, it can feel like these experiences contradict each other, and it's abysmally confusing. Like, why don't any of my feelings line up??? If I'm a man, shouldn't I feel like a man all the time? Yesterday I didn't feel that way.

Grain of salt: questioning can be long and confusing for anyone, and dysphoria can fluctuate even for gender-solid folks.

Also, there are some indicators of being trans in general.

For example, dissociative dysphoria is a less discussed manifestation of dysphoria in which you just don't feel real/your surroundings don't feel real.

Also, irrational avoidance. When I was younger, my sister used a lot of highly feminine pet names and terms of endearment, it was just her style. But being around her made me incredibly dysphoric because of these reminders of how she saw me. So eventually I came to associate her with those bad feelings, even though I had no explination for the feelings, since this was before I even knew of transness as a concpet. It took me a while after she stopped to realize Oh shit, that's what it was. Now we've been on much better terms for years.

Also, there are signs that can be indicators of any number of psychological distress (so they could be explained by other mental health issues) like extreme escapism, sleep issues and other depressive symptoms, dissociation, aggression, anxiety, avoidance of social situations, etc.

3. This is common. Firstly, nothing is stopping you from claiming a label. Absolutely nothing. Coming out to yourself doesn't mean you have to come out to others, transition, or take any other steps. So if you're wrong, so what? A label does no harm.

What can have the potential to do harm is transitioning unnecessarily. If you think it's a maladaptive coping mechanism, my only advice is to seek counseling before taking any steps that you think you might regret.

I've never heard of a person worrying that they want to be more queer than they actually are. And indeed I've never heard a detransitioner point to this as an issue. The only thing I could think of, is perhaps a sort of munchausen syndrome where you would theoretically try and gain """ oppression points.""" To be clear, I don't think this is very likely, but not impossible. In that case if it really worries you, I would again seek counseling, since that sounds like a symptom of a larger issue.

I've not quite cracked the nut of what if it's social pressure??? to be honest. And immitation is certainly a common trait among young people (assuming you're young). So, quite honestly, is it possible that you (and I) have tried on the trans label out of imitation of peers? Yeah.

I don't know if there's a solution to this (except of course counseling) other than careful trial and error. Trying on aspects of the male (or female) role and testing to see if it makes you uncomfortable or comfortable. Indeed, many aspects of social and sexual dimorphism can be very evocative of euphoria/dysphoria. Like, being called she/her might elicit relatively minor euphoria/dysphoria, but (cw: AFAB dysphoria) the idea of being vaginally penetrated? Yeah, most people will have a pretty strong reaction to that one (cw: end).

In short, sometimes these worries about "What if it's X?" don't always have an easy answer, and I don't think any trans person can solidly eliminate the question forever. I have a friend who's more than 2 years on T and still occasionally worries that he's secretly cis. But the fact that doubt lingers doesn't stop trans people from transitioning.

I want to be careful here to not seem like I'm saying that you should run right into transitioning with no caution. I just want to frame your doubts in perspective. If gender affirming steps feel uncomfortable, and you find yourself surrounded by doubts, then it's important to listen to that and take a step back. But if you're 90% certain that transition is right for you, but that 10% of doubt is scaring you away, try and put it in perspective. There's a 10% chance you'll regret transitioning, and 90% chance that you'll regret not transitioning. And sometimes only time and experience can close the gap between 90% and 99%.

Gahhh, I seem to be infinitely apt at bloviating; sorry 🥴. Hopefully something in my essay of a response can be of use to you.

[lawyerssouthafrica]

7 Instagram Story Ideas To Construct Your Following

Claire (not her real name) disclosed to me she bought an attention-grabbing message from a "clairvoyant" by means of her Instagram account. We talked quickly more, and Claire appeared to relaxation simple. Obviously the con lady talked generously like a companion, I assumed. And this is how all of it begins, they influence us, so we comply with them, like their posts, keep a daily examine on their feeds, comply with their favorite brands, shop on the shops they test into and so forth. I keep a bit bit of news minimize-out by my work area to help me to recollect this. You can even take images of all the work that you've got achieved and posted on Instagram so as to show how you may have completed the work successfully after following one step after the other. The trickster revealed to Claire it would take a year to evacuate the revile, and she anticipated to pay $250 seven days to ensure that the counter revile continued working.

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You'll also often pay a charge to sell. Instagram undoubtedly gives some nice methods for the companies, which are not solely efficient but additionally help you making intimacy with audiences. With the right inclusion of hashtag, manufacturers are in a position to extend their organic reach. There are some services that may say that they will automate getting extra follows and shares for you. Hire the most effective social media and Search engine marketing companies New York to present your online business wings to fly excessive. But in addition, we as the perfect firm for Search engine optimisation Dubai have open the option so as to add the URL in the story. Add special effects, use stickers, add great hashtags. Hashtags aren't only necessary for Twitter; additionally they play a prominent position on Instagram. Use more than one but lower than 5 hashtags. Along these traces, this is lesson number one - never let a mystic or medium decide you. You must counsel a medium or a mystic.

Carolyn Molnar is a Toronto primarily based Psychic Medium and Spiritual Instructor. Carolyn trusts intuition is open to all people. Her book, 'The time has come: Data From The opposite Side', has had a real impact in how people comprehend intuition. Early morning or late in the evening is the optimal time to submit. All the time test your post before you schedule or post. Now, it’s time to just do that - submit. Till now, people used to eat content through Television, radio, journal and newspaper. Customers look for brand spanking new and updated content material on daily basis so entertain them over a time frame. This will help free up your time to concentrate on participating with content and users. Instagram has managed to earn more than one hundred fifty million energetic users. In response to other stats, over 300 million people are utilizing the platform each day. We either examine our WhatsApp, Facebook or Instagram, it provides us our every day dosage of leisure, gossip, networking and a superb time pass, is not it?

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Maintaining your Instagram busy is a great way to build your following. Make certain you utilize a extremely good visible content material since interactive looking content triggers the buyer's motion incomes you a fair amount of bucks. Using visual content material on Social Media is found to convey business information more successfully than textual content and calling viewers for instant motion. Undoubtedly, enterprise giants are turning to this for his or her brand awareness as a result of hey! Share things that you find funny or you're feeling are necessary for individuals to know. It is best to find a hashtag that embodies your Instagram model and encourage your followers to share images that match that picture. It has develop into essential for folks to share their opinions and purchasing selections with their fellow shoppers, follow the present traits and looks of their favorite movie star, they wish to share their expertise via photographs and movies. You could also be trying ahead to launch your new style line or introduce new gadgets or equipments to the audience by Instagram photographs but a really small following is bothering you. Amid the next telephone name, the disgraceful shaman revealed to Claire that subsequent to taking a look at her photo, she discovered that any individual had put a revile on her in gentle of the truth that the person wanted Claire to be miserable.

[toongrrl-blog]

Bridget Jones: In Company with Beckys and Karens

We can start with unpacking your luggage Bridget, you are gonna need the help but pull your weight into it. 

Hi Bridget, looking good as always. Long time, huh? I guess it has been awkward after I have given your husband Mark a beat down and sent roses to his first ex-wife and your ex supervisor Perpetua. I think it’s time we talk. I understand life hasn’t been easy for you: your mother is nutty and a misogynistic racist, your father is friends with pervs and found it astounding you had a real boyfriend (Colin Jones won’t escape my ire), your friends are trash frankly especially the smug marrieds, you are insecure over a body that actually isn’t really a outlier to the dominant white patriarchal standard of cis female beauty (by the way, have you heard butt implants exist now?), your jerk husband is very negging and in the original novel he “compliments” you by pulling “Not like other girls” on you and all your other boyfriends see you as a piece of ass and don’t respect you, your uncle gropes your ass for how long and his wife pesters you about your body and past singleness. 

But let’s be real Bridget: those wilderness years where you feared becoming a sad spinster were endured in a spacious apartment where your bedroom was separate from the kitchen AND the living room without a roommate (hope I get this lucky), you haven’t wanted for nothing growing up in a affluent and safe town in a single-income family (your dad was also a accountant), you were given blonde hair and blue eyes (traits that have been considered desirable for multiple millenniums), your body was always curvier than you’d like but you had no problem finding a lot of clothes in your size and didn’t have a doctor fat shame you (now smoking and drinking...), I learned from Jameela Jamil that actually Britain of your teens and twenties was a racist time, you got to go to college (granted it was in the University of Wales, which wasn’t “prestigious” enough for Daniel Cleaver) and you got a stable office job at a publishing company that you often fudged (most WOC can’t fuck up like you and thrive in this culture), and you never been in most situations where you didn’t have to look in the media or in the room and find yourself out of place. 

Well now it’s 2020, have you heard of Black Lives Matter? This shitstorm of a year has been forcing us to confront issues regarding the patriarchy, capitalism, white supremacy, putting people of privilege to question their own involvement in prejudice, and a highly militarized law enforcement. Has Mark spoke of this to you? I haven’t heard a peep from you and Helen Fielding. I must say, I was glad not to hear either you or Helen say anything transphobic (fuck off JK Rowling). I think you heard of these memes going around called “the Karen” and “the Becky”, you must be wondering what the difference between the two are and was at a loss to counsel your smug married friends or your racist ass mother crying over being called Karens. Here is the trouble, I think you are likely a Becky and have the potential to turn into a Karen, after all you dream of weaponizing your mother’s embarrassing casual racism and thin privilege against Perpetua and Mark Darcy, and you dabbled in the White Savior trope for a hot minute in Thailand (oh and playing an idealized Ivanka Trump to your mother in the 3rd film?). Also let’s face it, you are compared to every confident, capable woman in your universe (surprise they are all bitches) or the non-Anglo British or non-British conquests of Daniel or Mark’s ex wife. 

Let’s talk about the traits of a Karen and Becky and how they are related, Bridget.

Karen

Ah the Karen, or as Tv Tropes called her the “Obnoxious Entitled Housewife”. 

Here is a bullet point of traits the Karen possesses according to The Take:

She’s an entitled, middle-aged, upper or middle class, often White woman.

She mistreats those “beneath her” like wait staff and customer service, classism at it’s most in-your-face and irritating.

She follows the rules, except the part about expired coupons.

She sticks to the hierarchy, using it to prop herself up. 

Often passive-aggressive and judgmental.

She puts up the image of the perfect fragile woman, even if she instigated a crime.

Narcissistic behavior. 

She considers herself the policewoman of human behavior.

She often lacks a understanding of different races and classes.

She projects her own misery on those who cannot fight back against her.

She is often a Know Nothing Know It All.

This probably hits home Bridget, they describe your mother, Auntie Una, and smug married friends. When you look at the news from my country, you tell yourself every time they wonder about your marital status or when you will have children, you are likely keeping them from calling the police on a black kid selling cups of water. But Karen is merely the more outwardly mature version of a trope you definitely fit and her name is....

Becky

Hey Bridget, your hair may not be as shiny as you like but according to a White Supremacist structure, you have “good hair”. You dealt with your literal Beckys Bridget (hi book version Rebecca Gillies), but what “Becky” refers to is to a often ditzy, somewhat entitled, young, white woman who lacks real racial understanding. It refers to how our society props up an image of idealized white femininity, sometimes it bleeds into women not considered “ideal” themselves. 

By the way, the redhead featured is Joan Holloway. She isn’t ditzy like a Becky but her Queen Bee behaviors, her reliance on her pretty privilege, lack of racial understanding, and her adherence to femininity and social climbing make her a modern-day Becky Sharp (also an earlier Becky). 

Remember when you contemplated introducing Mark as “a middle-aged prick who was lefty by his cruel raced ex-wife”? Wasn’t that kind of racist of your Bridget? Not so different from your mother? Here are a few traits:

Becky can be oblivious to her surroundings (and the feelings of others less advantaged than she).

She usually gets away with trouble due to her idealized Anglo looks.

Willfully naïve.

Conventionally feminine.

Often spoiled. 

She and her interests are basic and mainstream (sounds like milk tray, Colin Firth binge fests, shopping, numerous garden parties).

She is often cushioned against disappointment (in the 3rd film we were all supposed to be on your side while your bitchy boss fired you for very good reasons).

Unaware of other’s needs because she is so used to things going her way.

Her ignorance can be just as frustrating and harmful as a Karen’s maliciousness.

Becky is given real growth in fiction, to learn to be better. 

The thing is Bridget....where is your character development? It seems you hardly achieve much confidence, intellect, or maturity. In the 3rd film, I was shocked you were in your forties, I thought I was looking at a overgrown teenager. Perhaps you are a victim of Flanderization?

Karen and Becky

Now we look at how bad things could get if you don’t check your privilege soon enough Bridget, yes a lot of Beckys run the risk of becoming Karens. This is Mother-Daughter pair, Nancy (daughter) and Karen (Mother) Wheeler, I put them because of the connection but they don’t fit the stereotype (despite one of them having the name) but they are privileged white women talking about their shared experiences with misogyny. And most Beckys and Karens had to deal with misogyny, both outside and internalized, the issue being they don’t see how other people had to suffer due to prejudice.

Now Bridget, with your mother, you are a Becky while she was always a Karen. That is you are ignorant about your white privilege while your mother runs on casual racism, ignorance, and Tory politics. Ask her or Mark about the race riots, ask her  and Mark about Enoch Powell. And yes Julie Bindel, a fellow compatriot of yours, complained about the Karen label but honestly it’s scary about how some of your peers chortled over racist jokes or your mother’s antics but get up in arms when people of color in service jobs call ya’ll out. But there are some Karen traits you show already, you will weaponize your place in the pecking order to beat down on another woman, like with Perpetua and Mark’s first ex-wife. 

What does this say about you?

I will be the first to admit, I would’ve jumped up and cheered if I woke up in your body. You are conventionally prettier, but lately I recognized my own points and one of them is flair and the ability to read folks. Believe it or not Bridget, you are seen as a role model and a relatable figure to folks (and your last film ran on Millennial bashing, hating on younger women is not a good look). Maybe these Zoomer teens were on to something? Bridge, they will save us, we need to do the work. 

Now maybe you can take a cue from Dr. Rawlings on how to support and critique women Bridget? In the meantime, I think if I run into you, I’ll run if I see your mother. 

Not all is lost, I see you are a reader, maybe put down the self-help books and do some self-improvement by learning how to be a better white ally. I would like to read Hood Feminism (Mikki Kendall is a delight on Twitter). Meanwhile, if you do release a 4th movie in the future: don’t release it during a U.S. election year (I have had enough right wing presidents to last my teens and twenties).  

[dmsden]

Don’t Give Up – Dealing with the frustration of missing players

Hullo, Gentle Readers. I really feel for this questioner. hades-pa asks, “Today is supposed to be my session zero and I knew two out of six people weren't going to make it ahead of time because work and in the last 24 hours all the other players who were meant to show up have suddenly changed from definites to maybes, should I just cancel and reschedule?? Give up if people can't even make it to a lowkey session zero??? This is my first time properly DM'ing and I'm not sure what to do.”

I know it’s tough, hades. You’ve probably put a lot of work in, and this is an exciting moment. You’re ready to dive right in, and…real life interferes. I’ll say again what I told you when I got your message – don’t give up.

There’s a lot of (painful) humor out on The Interwebs about how hard it is to get a group of players together. Heck, even the most public of D&D groups, the folks at Critical Role, have run into issues with people being unable to make this session or that…and one of their players had to take extended leaves due to her career.

The fact is that, for most adults, carving out a few hours a week to get together and play D&D is very difficult. It’s also, however, sometimes a much needed thing. This might be the only regular bit of social time they get. My games are definitely a regular chance to see some of my friends, and we generally have to pause for a few minutes as people are arriving just to catch up with what’s happening with each other.

So my counsel is to be patient. Even if this happens, week after week, don’t give up. You might give up on a specific group of people, but, in that case, keep the ones who can make it regularly, and look for some new players. Let the old ones know it’s nothing against them, but you need players who can make it a bit more regularly. Alternately, you might consider a “West Marches” type campaign, as described in a previous article, where players come and go, and you play when and where you can play, rather than set a regular time and place.

If the tricky thing is getting everyone together physically, maybe you can play a game over Roll20, FantasyGrounds, Skype, or some other online system. That way, people being out of town doesn’t necessarily man not being able to play, thanks to pretty much everyone carrying a cel phone with a camera. Look into your options and see what works for you and your group.

I hope that helps, hades-pa. I really hope things look up for your group, and I want to hear about how you came back from this and ran an amazing game!