#in my defense i literally thought richie was just an idiot

[woodsborostabathon]

funniest/craziest way i have ever been wrong abt smth still truly has to be when i spent the whole time leading up to my first time seeing 5cream convinced wes was gonna be one of the ghostfaces like i was SO SO CERTAIN it was him like. no way it wasn’t. just for him to die in the most brutal way i think i had ever seen atp. just sat there w my jaw dropped embarrassed and guilty as hell. knife going straight thru that boy’s neck like it’s nothing. my bad king…😭

[thebearer]

had this thought of being in your first trimester while pregnant with teddy, and you’re so sick you can barely hold down saltine cracker. and one day at family he’s trying to get you to eat and you’re like “no i literally can’t” and he snaps at you in front of everyone

"C'mon, just try a little bite." Carmen coaxes, what was supposed to be a soothing tone was falling short, that snip in his tone was fueled with irritation.

"Carmen," You moaned lightly, your stomach lurching at the thought.

The smell of the kitchen was enough to make you nauseous, walking through only for a moment before you felt ill. Normally, your mouth salivated at the smells, tummy rumbling at the promise of the family meal.

That changed quickly after you found out you were pregnant. Only a few weeks, but your symptoms were coming in stronger each day. Hormonal acne that was angry and hurt to the touch decorating your jaw and chin, fatigue that washed over you in waves so strong it left your head spinning, and morning sickness. Well, morning was generous seeing as it followed you throughout the day. Your sense of smell was more sensitive, as was your stomach, and that combo was far from ideal. You'd smelled cilantro when you walked in and had to run to the bathroom.

Carmen understood, he did, but your recent hunger strike of sorts because of your stomach was making him beyond nervous. He'd looked up all the important, nutrient rich foods for you, insistent that you eat them.

And you would, if you could. If it didn't come shooting back up twenty minutes later.

"You gotta eat." Carmen frowned at you. "You can't starve yourself. Starve the baby."

"Carm, I'm not starving myself or the baby." You snapped, low and under your breath. "I'm gonna throw up if I eat it, ok? My stomach is fucked."

"Probably because you haven't eaten anything." Carmen glared at you, nodding towards the loaded bagel sandwich in front of you. "C'mon."

"Carmen, the thought of eating that right now is making me already gag." You muttered, holding a hand to your mouth, trying to swallow the spit already pooling in. "I'm not eating that."

"Baby, you have to-"

"-Carm, I will later, but I can't right now. I just threw up." You whined. There came the surge of emotions, raging and wild, the annoyance masked with frustration and tears.

"Eat. I'm not playin' with you anymore." Carmen's tone was harsh, cutting and firm, loud enough to bring the attention of the table towards the two of you.

Your lip wobbled, stomach twisting now with the humiliation of tears as well. You shoved your seat out, stomping towards the bathroom with burning tears. The table was silent, looking at Carmen.

Tina glared at him. "The fuck's the matter with you, Jeff?" She huffed, already standing to check on you.

"I-I'm just... She's not eating. And-And it's bad for the baby-"

"Carmen, really?" Sugar huffed, rolling her eyes. "You're so stupid."

"I gotta agree with Sug on this one." Richie quipped, nodding before shoveling the pasta in his mouth. "You are a fuckin' moron."

"Fuck off, alright? I'm a moron because I don't want my baby to starve?" Carmen huffed. The table erupted in comments, mostly derogatory towards Carmen's last comment and in defense of you.

"She's not starving your baby, you idiot." Sugar huffed. "She's sick. Ok? That is a different kind of sickness. One you will never understand." Sugar sneered. "And right now, there's probably only one craving that the baby won't reject, so maybe instead of being a dumbass-"

"-total jagoff-"

"-complete asshole-"

"-Go check on her." Sugar placed her hands on her hips, the sisterly glare that only an older sister could possess.

Carmen hated that she was right, hated that they all were. But he hated that you were upset and in the bathroom more.

"Can I come in?" Carmen knocked lightly, hearing Tina's soothing voice over your retching and sniffles. His heart plummeted.

Tina opened the door with a glare, one that had Carmen stepping back. "You not gonna come in here and make Mama more upset, you got me, Jeff?" Tina sneered, a painted brow raised menacingly at him.

Carmen just nodded dumbly. "You better get in there and make it right, you hear me?" Tina pushed past him.

You were sitting on the tile, one hand wiping your tear stained face, the other cleaning your mouth with a piece of toilet paper. You glared at Carmen through tear stained eyes, sniffling softly, making his heart crack.

"Baby," Carmen knelt down, a hand running over your hair soothingly. "I'm sorry, alright? I-I didn't mean to yell like that."

You just glared at him, wiping under your eyes. "I just... I don't know, I'm scared. I'm scared that something will happen to the baby, and-and it will be my fault."

"How would it be your fault?" You mumbled through a pout. "It's my body."

"Yeah, but, I-I don't know. Like if I miss a step or don't do everything right it will... It'll be bad and it's gonna be my fault." Carmen muttered, looking down at the tile.

"That's not how it's gonna be, Carm." You sigh, your heart melting at his admission. You knew he was scared, you were too. Just trying to figure it out together. "You can't plan everything and expect it to go like that. Not with a baby."

"I know." Carmen ran a hand down his face, looking back at you sweetly. "I'm just... I-I'm sorry, ok? I didn't mean to pressure you like that and be an asshole... or a jagoff... or a dumbass..."

You giggled lightly, lips curling. "You're not a dumbass all the time." You said playfully. "I promise, I will eat, Carm. I just can't do the vegetables and cheese today." You said, gagging lightly at the thought.

"Yeah? That's alright. What can you do, hm? What're you in the mood for?" Carmen hummed, running a hand down your hair.

You thought for a moment, hand running over your tummy lightly. You'd barely started to show, looking like bloat, but it drove Carmen wild regardless.

"Remember that hot dog we had after our first karaoke date?" You muttered dreamily, leaning your head to the side.

It felt like a lifetime ago. You and Carmen had just gotten 'serious'. Everything was exciting and new, and you'd taken him to a karaoke bar, serenading him a little tipsy and giggly. You'd been starving on your walk home. Carmen stopped and got you a one am hot dog at a questionable stand, but you'd loved it, sharing it with him, buried into his side while the two of you walked home. It was a shitty hotdog, but Carmen would've ate a million that night to keep you happy like that.

"Yeah?" Carmen tried not to grimace, nose scrunching lightly enough to have you laughing, his shoulders relaxing at the sound.

"I just want a shitty hotdog. Nothing gourmet. Just with some mustard. That's all I've been craving." You muttered.

"Alright. That's what baby wants?" Carmen asked, helping you off the floor sweetly, grabbing your bag for your mouth wash.

You nodded, gargling with it, Carmen holding your hair back while you spit in the sink. "I'll get it for you, ok? I think there's one down the block-"

"-I'll come with you." You added, glaring at him lightly, so he wouldn't protest. "I just need to be outside. Maybe settle my stomach."

"Alright." Carmen nodded, a hand running down your hip. "You got a coat?" You nodded, leaning into his side, walking back to the office with him.

Carmen walked you down to the stand, "overpriced and a tourist trap" he'd grumble, but bought you two hot dogs- just in case. In case you wanted more later. You'd managed to keep it down, sitting with him on the steps of The Bear, pressed into his side, giggly and sharing kisses in between bites.

[ohlovelywar]

stan the gay’s wingman

you asked, and you shall receive…. a couple years later because i completely forgot that this was sitting in here everyone i’m sooooo sorry

now, it was no secret to literally anyone how annoying richie tozier and eddie kapsbrak could possibly be, much less the losers club

and it was even LESS of a secret how annoyed stanley uris would be by the two’s constant bickering 

the losers didn’t know what stan knew though

and BOY did that make things so much more entertaining 

ask anyone in derry, maine and they would tell you that richie and eddie argued like they were an old, married couple 

however, stan was the only human being to actually KNOW what’s hidden beneath the bickering 

the losers club all guessed it was some sort of love but it was never confirmed to them 

but stanley could SENSE it with his gaydar  eyes

the gay 

it all became crystal clear a few months before ben showed the losers his club house for them. 

after a rather unfortunate game of truth or dare, stan our local gay whisperer, ended up putting two and two together 

“holy shit, they actually like each other!” 

“what was that stan?” 

“i said your farm’s nice mike!” slight gay panic 

and after tracking the two down separately and having a long talk, they both admitted their crushes on each other 

“dear diary, i am a motherfucking genius! sincerely, stanley uris. p.s.: sorry for cursing!” 

now that THAT was out of the way, stan’s work was done…at least that’s what he thought

u see,,, richie and eddie aren’t just gay, no no, they’re gay DISASTERS

and since stan the man’s the only one who knows naturally he’s the one they come to for help

“i need to blow richie’s socks off with this date!” stan’s got the place “how do i get eddie a gift for his birthday that says i’m really happy you’re alive but you’re also the biggest pain in my ass most days” stan has that mostly to do with richie let’s just be honest here

stan was the super genius mastermind behind for the big moments in their relationship, as well as the one to make sure the two idiots didn’t go screwing up the great thing they have

“listen we all fucking know u use humor as a defense mechanism because you’re scared to get close to people just for them to leave you but if you could just pleaseee for ONCE in your life respond to a question like a normal human being so your boyfriend doesn’t ditch your ass for someone who doesn’t openly talk about fucking his mother every two seconds” “….an ‘i’m doing great richie’ would’ve been nice-“ “WHAT DID I JUST!2?3)2?2)2”

poor boy’s diary sees all the drama

“if eddie would just TELL richie that he actually doesn’t hate how much he makes fun of his asthma cause it’s the only time anyone believes he’s able to do anything a boy his age can do and won’t coddle him BUT NOOOOO NO ONE TAUGHT THESE TWO BASIC COMMUNICATION SKILLS”

he’s put his own blood sweat and tears into this relationship he’s not about to watch it fall apart cause their preschool teachers never taught them the “i feel” lesson

“listen you dumb asses we leave for college in TWO MONTHS! in two months we’re going to be adults so you both better start acting like it and start actually TALKING to each other instead of bitching about why you can’t appreciate your boyfriend to his face to me and my diary! I SAID ZIP IT RICHIE!!”

yes they made up and richie did make fun of stan’s diary

it’s not like his efforts went unnoticed oh no

the two may be gay disasters but they’re thankful gay disasters put some respect in their names🗣🗣🗣

the day after their anniversary richie and eddie make sure to give stan a gift every year as a thank u for helping them last this long

“really if it wasn’t for you his trash mouth would’ve stayed single years ago!!!” “WELL URE ONE TO TALK?!???” “i know…and i know…”

everyone stay thank you stanley uris!!!

BONUS!!

“now,,,, you think we can set him and mike up?” “stan got us together how are can it be!”

[marvelslut16]

Prank gone wrong

Prompt number: 19 “I can’t do this anymore”

Fandom: It

Paring: Richie Tozier x reader (aged up to 17 or 18)

Rating: T

Word count: 2.6k (this was supposed to be short!)

Warnings: Swearing. Bullying. Mentions of domestic abuse/domestic violence- nothing graphic. asshole Richie. Angst but ends fluffy

A/N: Oof I’ve been gone for ages, I’m sorry guys. But here’s day one of fictober, so hopefully I’ll be able to keep up and this will motivate me to write regularly again. I’m not sure if I love this one or not. I liked the idea when I started and then it took some turns and this is what I ended up with while writing between zoom classes, so sorry if it sucks. I added the second gif cause it’s closer to the age in the story. 

It all started as a stupid prank, a way to get back at Greta for years and years of torture, you never thought it would end in you losing a friend. Just over three months ago Richie agreed to Bev’s plan, take Greta out on a few dates and then publicly humiliate her- give her a taste of her own medicine. But to everyone's surprise, it lasted way longer than a few dates and there was no end in sight. Worst of all it seemed that Richie was actually falling for her- he would defend her any chance he got and even started ditching the losers to spend time with her and her friends. 

It was no surprise to you that Greta fell for Richie, he’s funny, sweet, and he’s aged well. His head has grown into his coke bottle glasses, he still wears hawian shirts but now he has a leather jacket over them constantly- a leather jacket that the two of you picked out together. There is no better than one Richie Tozier, and your feelings are getting harder and harder to deny. Your crush on the trashmouth developed back in middle school- the summer Pennywise reigned terror, but through the years your crush turned into something stronger- by senior year you knew you loved him. Halfway into said school year every loser, besides Richie of course, knew of your feelings for him. The pitied glances they would send your way were almost suffocating. 

Richie is late to lunch yet again, probably making out with Greta in the hallway, so each of you are using this time to talk about the personal hell her and her friends have created for each of you today. You go last, quickly giving them a rundown of your encounter with her in the bathroom, where she threatened you to stay away from ‘her Richie’ and that you would live to regret it if you didn’t. She even ripped one of your textbooks out of your hands, dropping it into the disgusting toilet water- calling you a worthless slut on her way out. 

“Greta is such a bitch!” you complain to your friends, mindlessly pushing around the mush they call lunch at Derry high with the cheap plastic spork they provide. 

“I’d prefer if you didn’t talk about my girlfriend that way,” Richie’s voice is calm and even- lacking the normal excitement and joking lilt to it. Your eyes widen in horror at him having heard you, then they narrow at how genuine his defense of her is. 

“Richie, c’mon, let it go,” Eddie pleads, glancing between your shocked and hurt face and Richie’s angry one. 

“No Eddie, I’m so sick of (Y/N) talking shit about my girlfriend!” you whip around in your seat and look at him in shock. 

“Richie what the hell?” you rise out of your seat so he won’t look down on you literally and figuratively anymore. He cocks his eyebrow, head dropping to the side as he crosses his arms and lets out a huff of annoyance. “Ya know what? I can’t do this anymore!”

“Do what anymore?” Richie doesn’t drop the cocky attitude, making the next words out of your mouth slightly less painful. 

“Be your friend,” there’s a collective gasp from your friends. Richie’s face morphs into shock and sadness for a split second before hardening and sending you another glare. “Not when you’re dating her. She’s changing you Richie!” 

“Greta was right about you, you are a bitch,” your breath catches in your throat and you fight the tears that well up in your eyes. Richie’s glare is unflinching as you stare him in the eye, a tell-tale sign that he doesn’t regret a single word that he said. The murmuring from the table behind you stops the moment the words leave his mouth, they all stare at their friend in shock. 

“Fine, then you’ll never have to deal with this bitch again,” you spin around and grab your backpack and lunch tray. “Fuck you Richard Tozier!” you dump your tray of mush into the trach on your way out of the cafeteria nad away from that stupid boy you somehow fell for. 

“What did you just do?” Stan is the first one to regain the use of his voice, he’s glaring at Richie as the boy takes your recently vacated seat. 

“I’m sick of her attitude towards Greta,” he tries to defend, shocked when all of his friends level him with matching glares. 

“W-wh-what h-ha-ha-happen-ned to th-he pr-pr-prank-k?” Bill’s recently improved stuttering growing worse as he grows anxious at the turn of events between his friends. 

“Greta isn’t the bad one here, we’ve been rude to her all of these years!” Richie once again tries to effectively defend his girlfriend.

“She wrote loser on my cast!” Eddie practically screeches before he goes into an anxiety attack, beleving it’s an asthma attack he takes two puffs from his inhaler.

“Her and her friends dumped wet garbage on me,” Bev adds, quieter than Eddie. 

“That was in middle school,” Richie rolls his eyes, leaning back in his seat. 

“I thought you were in love with (Y/N) before the whole prank, that you did it to get over her,” Eddie says slowly this time, having calmed down from moments prior. 

“Greta helped me realize I never loved (Y/N), I was doing what was expected after years of friendship,” the losers stare at him- open mouthed and gaping at Richie’s stupidity. 

“She attacked (Y/N) in the bathroom this morning,” Mike tries to reason with his brainwashed friend. 

“No, (Y/N) was lying to you guys. She attacked Greta earlier, not the other way around. She screamed at Greta to break up with me or she’d regret it, and then dumped her books in the toilet and called her slut.”

“Greta did that to (Y/N), you dumbass!” Bev grows increasingly angry, at Richie and herself for coming up with the stupid prank. “I was in there with her, Greta’s convinced (Y/N)’s in love with you so she wants to rip you apart. Do you honestly believe (Y/N) would do something like that?”

“Shit!” Richie slams his fists on the table, causing most of the cafeteria to turn and looking at him briefly before going back to their individual tasks. Everything Greta had blamed on you in the past three months comes rushing back and he realizes that they’re all out of character but in character for Greta. Somewhere along the way he convinced himself that Greta was telling the truth so he had a reason to stop being in love with his best friend- he was too scared to tell you because you’re the only person that could actually hurt him. 

“(Y/N) (L/N) to the principal's office immediately,” the voiceover the intercom cracks showing the age of the ancient system. 

“Richie?” Stan isn’t sure he wants to know the truth as he asks the question. 

“I told Greta to tell the principal,” his voice is oddly quiet and broken, definitely out of character for the jokester trashmouth. 

“You fucking idiot!” Bev seethes, staring Richie down. They’re the only two that know the truth about your father. 

--

You quickly get up from your place in the library and walk down the empty halls to get to the principal's office. Once you arrive the secretary gives you a dirty look, causing you to sink back and the pit of anxiety in your gut to grow. Greta sends you a triumphant smirk before going back to fake sobbing as she walks out of the principal's office and past you. 

You feel like you're going to vomit as you walk into the principal's office behind him, the look on his face says you’ll get after school detention for at least a week! Whatever lies Greta told about you are clearly being believed by him and the secretary. 

“You’re a good student Miss. (L/N), so why have you been harassing Miss. Keene?” he crosses his arms over his chest, they rest lightly on top of his bulging gut. 

“I haven’t-” you try to defend, but he puts up a hand to stop you. 

“She alleges it’s because you have feelings for her boyfriend Mr. Tozier and you’re upset that she chose her over you.”

“That’s not true-” his glare cuts you off this time. 

“Today alone you threw her books in the toilet, threatened her for being with Richie, and called her a slut,” the words today alone stand out to you, how many lies did she tell? 

“She did that to me! Not the other way around!” you try desperately for him to believe you. 

“Then why didn’t you come to me?” he raises a brow much like Richie did in the  cafeteria, Greta has both of them wrapped around her finger and against you. 

“Because no ones ever done anything! She’s been torturing me since we were in grade school and she’s never got in trouble! A freshman came to you last week saying Greta was bullying her and you didn’t do anything!”

“I’m afraid I’ll have to suspend you for the rest of the week.” he says firmly, no room for negotiation or pleading. 

“That’s four days!” you cry out incredulously.

“Do you want to make it longer?” when you don’t respond he continues talking. “Your father is on his way, go get your books from your locker and leave school property.” 

You hear someone call your name from down the hall as you grab all of your textbooks from your locker, trying to shove all five thick books into your bag. You ignore the voice up until it’s right next to you and you realize it’s Richie trying to plead for forgiveness. 

“Lose my number, and while you’re at it forget my name. Stay the fuck away from me Tozier!” Your outburst grabs the attention of the other students walking to their next class, everyone shocked by the inseparable duo of Tozier and (L/N) fighting. You slam your locker shut with a loud bang, heading for the door and away from him calling your name.

--

Monday comes agonizingly slowly, but when it does you're sitting with Bev in the bathroom during third period, both of you telling your teachers you don’t feel good. 

“How bad was it?” she flicks her lighter and lights her cigarette, standing next to the window so she can blow the smoke outside. 

“Worse than it's ever been,” you feel ghost pains on your back from where your dad's leather belt met your flesh for the past six days. “Since Richie didn’t sneak in to help clean them this time I think I may have an infection.”

“He broke up with Greta,” Bev changes the subject, she knows you only trust Richie enough to see the damage your father inflicts, so she doesn’t bother to ask to check on it.” 

“Good for him,” you stare down at the gross linoleum tile under your beat up Chuck Taylor’s. Richie had promised to take you away from your father the moment you two graduated, he’d been promising it for years, even while he was with Greta, but now you aren’t holding out hope for the promise. 

“He’s been miserable without you,” the bell signaling the end of the period saves you from formulating an answer. Bev quickly flushes her cigarette butt and the two of you head to the cafeteria, you’re a little worried about sitting with the losers after your fight with Richie. Bev grabs your hand and gently pulls you to the table when she notices your hesitance. You catch up with the rest of the losers, minus Richie who isn’t in the lunchroom which you’re oddly sad about, finding out about tests and break ups you missed while you were suspended. The loud ear splitting sound of feedback causes the entire cafeteria to cover their ears and look to the microphone stand in the front of the room. Richie is standing in the front holding the microphone, cringing slightly at the loud sound. No lunch ladies run to grab the microphone from him, meaning he got permission to do whatever it is he’s about to do. His wild curls bounce as he nervously shifts from foot to foot as he looks around the cafeteria until he locks eyes with you. You can’t look away from him so you miss the smiles the losers give each other and the high five Bev and Ben share. 

“(Y/N) I don’t know what I could ever say to you to get you to forgive me, I can never forgive myself for hurting you,” he talks into the microphone, everyone looking between the two of you, but neither of you seem to notice anyone but each other. “I know I embarrassed you, so maybe if I embarrass myself in front of everyone you’ll forgive me a little bit. (Y/N), I never meant to hurt you, I only agreed to the prank because I wanted to forget you. No- fuck that doesn’t sound right.

“I’ve been in love with you since middle school and I knew you could never love me too, even when Ed’s told me you did I couldn’t believe it. I wanted to forget my feelings for you because I never wanted to hurt you, so I agreed to the prank. But I hurt you anyway because I let Greta get in my head, so I even failed the damn prank. But I love you so fucking much (Y/N) and I’m sick of running from these damn feelings. All I want to do is take you away from this hellhole after we graduate, and go to NYU together like we’ve planned since Freshman year. I love you (Y/N) (L/N), and I’ll spend the rest of my life apologizing to you about how shitty I was if you give me a second chance.” 

Your body stands up on autopilot, and you don’t realize you’re walking towards him until your face to face. Lifting your hand you gently push a curl that fell in front of his eye away and tuck it behind his ear, he leans his head into your hand as a lunch lady comes and takes the microphone out his hand grinning largely at teen love. You struggle to find words, so you wrap both your hands around the lapels of his leather jacket and pull him into a kiss. It isn’t your first kiss, Bill had dared you two to kiss sophomore year in a game of truth or dare in the barrens, but this kiss is different. These aren't two kids afraid of the adult feelings that were overcoming them, these are two almost adults finally giving into the most powerful and amazing feeling in existence. Richie makes sure to keep his hands away from your back, he’ll clean out your cuts later, instead he tangles his fingers into your hair pulling you in deeper. Before the kiss can go too far you pull back giggling as Richie follows your face trying to kiss you again. 

“I love you too,” you rest your forehead on his, turning your giggling face into a mock serious one. “But you’re on thin ice mister.” 

“I love you more,” he caresses your cheek and you grin happily, laughing at his antics when he starts speaking again. “Than I love Eddie’s mom.” the entire cafeteria is whooping and hollering at your kiss, but non louder than your losers. Well, everyone except Greta, who lets out a high pitched huff and storms out of the cafeteria. 

“I think the prank ended up working out,” you giggle, lightly nipping at Richie’s thumb as it grazes over your lower lip.

Permanent tags: @crimson-knuckled-queen​ @rexorangecouny​

[lobanri]

i wrote a -shitty, tbh, but it wouldn’t stop haunting my shower time- richie tozier’s stand up post-canon thing, on a everyone lives au. i lost the thread a bit near the end, so i’m putting it up here and maybe i’ll post it on ao3 at some point. enjoy.

-

So I’m guessing- and I’m probably right, which is decidedly not how my guesses tend to go- that a lot of you came here to see if I could offer a better explanation than the tabloids about what happened last show, because (voice changes to a higher pitched, mocking voice): ‘Richie, what the genuine fuck was that’, (voice switches back.) right?

Well gee! Am I ever here to answer. And also maybe to give a stand-up performance whose entire script I threw out in favour of, like, maybe four jokes I scraped together with what’s left of my brain.

But! Explanation first. 

Okay. (short pause.) So. Imagine you’re me, the fantastic -that’s a joke in itself, right there- Richie ‘Trashmouth’ Tozier. You’re about to go out and perform in front of, okay, maybe not that many people, but still a good number, and you’re like, only a bit nervous. And then.

You get a phone call. 

It’s an unknown number. It says so, right there on the screen of your phone that’s all smudged and disgusting and maybe a little bit cracked ‘cause you keep dropping it doing dumb shit.

(again, his voice changes to a higher pitched, mocking voice)

“Oh Richie, was it someone you knew?” (voice switches back.) Of course not, dumbass, that’s why I said unknown. Duh. 

But on with the tale. 

Now, am I the type of person that answers unknown numbers? Normally, no. If your phone got stolen and you’ve ever called me from a burrowed phone about it, now you know why nobody picked up. But remember, I was about to go out into the level of hell that is an audience- not that I don't love it, I do, but being stared, and occasionally laughed at for around an hour is not what most people find a relaxing afternoon experience. 

So I picked up. Thought it’d maybe be a wrong number that would leave the other person feeling very awkward and me only slightly less so. Maybe I’d get an idea for a joke, who knows.

Suffice to say, given the whole clusterfuck that was my last show, it wasn’t a wrong number.

I pick up. I go, “Hello, who is this?”, because that’s what you say when you answer a call.

The other dude goes “Hi Richie, it’s Mike.”

In my head, I go ‘oh’. So first, apparently this is not a wrong number! Second, Mike? I don’t know any Mikes, who’s Mike?

Third, I go “Oh, shit.”

Now, have you ever noticed that a lot of comedians talk about their childhoods a lot? I’ve realized that they do this for one of three reasons; either their parents are funny, they had very fun childhoods, or they had a lot of therapy. I don’t talk about my childhood because none of those applied to me, and also because I repressed like a full 90% of it from trauma. I now have a therapist, which means I can tell you people some of it. Also because most of it came back from repression-land right there and then, because turns out I do in fact know a Mike!

Mike my childhood friend! From my childhood gang!

...The same childhood I happily repressed for twenty seven years, in fact.

Mostly from trauma.

Now you might realize that it’s literally two minutes until I have to go out in front of all you lovely judging strangers who have expectations of me already!

I certainly did. So did my agent- lovely man, genuinely hates me so much- who nevertheless had to send me out like some poor lost lamb sent to be sacrificed at the altar. So I come out- not in that way, but keep tuned to that- 

Oh wow that was loud. We’ll get to that, don’t you worry. Now that’s going to be fun. If you haven’t seen Twitter, have fun figuring this out.

But let’s try to keep this mess chronological -big word for me, I know, I stole it off some other guy.

I come out, and then I can’t remember my joke, and I can’t remember my name, and I don’t remember where I am, but turns out I can remember the time my friends and I found a corpse!

So anyway, I puke on stage.

Glamorous way to end a show, I know, but in my defense I was pretty busy. 

I’d like to make a segue here- who here grew up in a small town?

Yeah? Okay, this entire bit is for y’all. The rest of you big city folk can just check your phones or whatever.

So I grew up in a small town in Maine, called Derry. Pretty quaint, didn’t have much, there was one arcade, one pharmacy owned by a pedophile, one old abandoned -extremely haunted- crack house, and like a couple tiny stores. My friends and I used to hang out at the quarry and at that same old house, which was cool at the time and gross in hindsight.

I’ll tell you what it’s most known for; it’s the child murder capitol of the entire United States.

Oh, that’s some silence there. Are you perhaps uncomfortable? Maybe wondering if you heard that right? I’ll repeat it louder then.

IT WAS THE CHILD. MURDER. CAPITOL. 

OF THE ENTIRE UNITED STATES.

AND I GREW UP THERE.  A CHILD.

Is it clearer now why I repressed that entire experience?

So. Derry. Terrible, terrible, racist, homophobic, sexist Derry. Would I have loved to never go back? Yeah, of course. Who would?

This idiot. And his entire gang of childhood friends. Because Mike called us and went ‘Hey, could you guys come back? It’s important.’ And we went, because Mikey literally never asks for shit, so clearly this was going to be terrible. If Mike was on fire, I’m pretty sure he’d take care of it and then never mention it again.

I’ve mentioned the others a couple of times before- of course, Mike, who’s a librarian in Derry- or was, but that’s later. But, there are seven of us in our little Loser’s Club! That is the actual name, by the way. Seven Losers.

 Even if Stan made us think that was wrong, because while my reaction to remembering Derry was to puke, his was to fake his death. Yes. If you can believe it, he literally fucking faked his death to get out of that reunion.

I’ll move on a bit so I don’t spend the rest of the show dissing Stan the Man and his extreme as fuck reactions- would you believe that this man is an accountant? Like, what the fuck? Now whenever I see an accountant I wonder if they’re the type of person that would fake their death to get out of things and it’s fucking with my head every time I have to go to the bank. 

Okay. Seven- six not counting me, we’ve talked about Mike, and I’ve already said why Stan wasn’t there- we’re left with the weirdest group you’ve seen; Ben Hanscom, or Handsome really, that man got so hot, who’s a famous architect, Beverly Marsh, Bevs, very famous fashion designer -hell yeah she is actually my friend, I know, it’s weird- William Denbrough, Big Bill himself, horror author with terrible endings, leader of out weird gang, and last but the very opposite of least Eddie Kapsbrak, risk analyzer, the most germaphobic person I’ve met, who also wore fanny packs while we were kids. The last part tells you very little about him but I feel like I have to mention it from time to time, because he’s hot and all now but in my head he always had a fanny pack and it freaks me out a bit to see him without one. I also made ‘your mom’ jokes at him all the time, mostly for attention but also because sometimes he’d snap back and just verbally gut me like a fish, and I? Loved that shit.

For those of you that look like you just came to a realization, yes. You’d be right. But we’re just gonna ignore it for now, because some of the others didn’t get it yet, and I’m not gonna hold your hand until you do, I feel like I’ve dropped enough hints already.

Where was I? Oh, yeah.

They’re all hot and I hate it. How come they get to grow up and get muscles and I get to grow up to look like a beanstalk with some fucking bug-eyes and a shitty party city wig? I used to call Eddie “Eddie Spaghetti”, but then turns out that the actual noddle here was me all along.

Well. I’ll get the reunion out of the way and move to the important part; what did Mike call us there for? The answer may not surprise you, given that we were in fact in Derry, but guess what? If you thought ‘child murder’ you win nothing at all, but you’d be right. There was in fact a serial killer! Who was, uh, also… a cannibal. 

Terrible, right?

But you’d think ‘this sounds weird’, right? Some unknown dude is killing and eating people, yes, but what does that have to do with lil ol’ me?

Now’d be the time to point out that Bill’s little brother Georgie disappeared twenty seven years previous and turned out to have been literally murdered and possibly eaten along with like, some other six or seven people. And at the time, Big Bill made us all go along to go look for him. In the sewers. While we were also kids. Y’know, like those other kids that got killed.

Big Bill was charismatic, but that doesn’t mean he was the wisest guy, okay. And we were also dumb and young, so that was pretty much all it took.

Thing is that we, uh, …did actually end up finding a serial killer in the sewers. So.

Who was it? Henry Bowers. Our middle school bully. To those true crime fans that recognize the name, yeah, that Bowers.

It didn’t turn out to be that much of a surprise that our bully was the dude killing people, actually, because he was the most fucked-up kid I ever met. He broke Eds’s arm and tried to carve his name on Ben, which is genuinely fucking nuts, right? Like, what? The everliving fuck? I think he liked to kick puppies.

Now, this time around, you’d think it was some fucked up copycat or something? Nope. Dude escaped to try again, this time dressed as a clown. 

You think I’m joking here? He literally dressed as a clown to kill people. I could not begin to tell you why. 

He can’t tell you, either, because he’s currently, uh, sort of dead. As in, someone buried an axe in his spine and he died. 

In my defense-

(louder)

 he was trying to kill Mike and you’ve already heard that I’d go back into Derry for him, so. 

If you’d wondered why I came back really late, yeah, that was part of it.

The other part is that before dying he managed to stab Eddie Spaghetti in the face and make us go into that one old ass, extremely haunted crack house- don’t ask, I don’t know either- in which an entire beam fell on him. I’m genuinely baffled at how this didn’t happen earlier, because this was literally our childhood hangout spot. But karma or fate or whatever caught up with us, so it did. 

By the way, he’s okay now. We all thought he was gonna die first, of course, because how the hell else do you react when a dude’s been impaled right in front of you? He didn’t. But when we all thought he was gonna die in front of me, holding his hand -him included- he looked at me in the eye and, with all the strength his failing body could muster up, he said:

“I fucked your mom.”

So does it come as a surprise to anyone that we’re dating now? 

[xandertheundead]

Okay but CONSIDER!!!!!! Comedian!Eddie

OKAY ANON! YOU GOT ME GOOD WITH THIS ONE CAUSE I LOVE THE IDEA! This one really got long so umm…yeah sorry! lol

Eddie watched as that familiar tall gangly form made its way onto the dimly lit center of the stage, roars of applause sounding when the lights came up. There he was, in his loud Hawaiian shirt and black jeans that were a hair too tight and those gross ratty converse he always wore on stage.

Richard ‘just call me Richie’ Tozier.

He watched as Richie did his opening joke, that large cheese-ball grin on his face when the crowd roared with laughter at the line about being in New York and their horseback police who have brought Amish crime down so well.

He had met Tozier eight years back, on one of Eddie’s tours when he was in L.A, he had just finished his show ‘Short Person Complex: Fuck you!’ and was signing autographs and ticket stubs when a giant walked up to him. Eddie remembered his first thought had been ‘holy shit those glasses are thick’ and then ‘this man has a terrifyingly large mouth’ when the giant smiled at him widely.

“Holy shit. Ed Kasp.” The giant gushed, people beside him just barely restraining themselves from trying to push this guy out of the way because he was taking too long. “You are seriously one of my favorite comedians ever.”

“Thank you.” Eddie had smiled, looking around to see if the man wanted anything signed. “Did you want something signed?”

Eddie had made it sound polite, not wanting to brush off a fan but people were getting agitated with this guy. But the man just continued on like Eddie hadn’t asked him anything and that people weren’t starting to grumble.

���I mean, normally the ranting comedy isn’t my thing, but you really know how to make your anger into something that is just so amazing and funny.”

Eddie nodded slowly, trying so hard to cue to this guy with his eyes that it was time to move along if he didn’t want anything signed. “Thank you, now I think-“

“God and you’re just so damn hot.”

The tall man had been pushed along by the crowd and Eddie went back to pictures, autographs and shaking hands, but the image of those thick glasses with that smile stuck in his head. The words the man said made a small smile come to his face because normally people were too scared to approach Eddie because in his shows he was always ranting and raving so they thought that he was always like that. Either that or they wanted something from him and put up with him for it. It felt good to know that someone out there thought he was good looking even when he was stomping around on stage like a rabid lemur monkey and didn’t ask for anything. It was a nice memory to keep, Eddie’s tour ended and life moved on.

Until a year later when his manager introduced him to his newest tour’s opening act.

Eddie could have sworn the giant grew since the last time he had seen him, dressed in ratty jeans and a bright orange T-shirt with a twerking cow on it that read ‘My Milkshake Brings All The Boys To The Yard’. That wide mouth grinned, perfect teeth with the silver of a retainer across the top row, and suddenly they were shaking hands.

“Eddie, meet Richie Tozier.”

He hated the man.

Richie Tozier was rude, loud, crass and obnoxious, he left his dirty clothes all over the tour bus and several times Eddie’s not so fake anger came out. They fought constantly, where to eat, the mess, music, how many pills Eddie took, etcetera. Etcetera. Etcetera. 

Luckily they were on their last show in Chicago and thank God because Eddie’s jaw hurt from all the teeth grinding he’d been doing everytime Richie opened that fucking mouth. Eddie waved to the crowd as he walked off stage, the heavy velvet curtains of the Chicago Theater coming down to muffle the sound of applause as he wiped at his face with his handkerchief.

“Jesus the lights were warm.” Eddie muttered as he loosened the tie around his neck and pushed into his dressing room and stopped dead when he noticed someone else was in his room. “What the fuck?”

There stood Richie, dripping wet and in nothing but a towel, looking at Eddie in shock like he wasn’t the one being caught naked in someone else’s dressing room. “Eddie…did you end early? I thought I had a little more time.”

Eddie sputtered for a minute, rage and shock making his thoughts run a million miles faster than his mouth and it didn’t help that Richie’s stupid ass wide shoulders and chest were right on display. It must have been obvious he was on the verge of exploding because then Richie held up his hands in a defensive motion, his blue eyes cleared without those thick glasses on.

“Look, I’m sorry.” Richie started slowly, backing up a little and Eddie noticed the towel start to slip. Why the fuck were bony ass hipbones attractive to him right now? “I needed to shower after the opening and your dressing room was the only one who had one.”

“You should have gone back to the hotel then!” Eddie frowned at the guilty look that crossed Richie’s face. Good! This guy, acting like everyone else’s stuff was his own, it drove Eddie insane.

“Yeah,” Richie started slowly, looking down at the floor. “But then I would have missed your whole show. This way I only missed the last fifteen minutes.”

Eddie blinked. “What? Why would you-? You’ve seen it twelve times already.”

Richie blinked, turning to look up at Eddie again with a confused look that probably matched Eddie’s own. “So?”

“So? So why does it matter to see this one?”

Richie’s gaze quickly moved to the side, avoiding eye contact as his cheeks started to grow an alarming shade of red. “Jesus, you’re dumb.”

Anger spiked again. “Excuse me?”

Richie gave a halfhearted shrug and rolled his eyes, but even though his actions were flippant Eddie could see fear in his eyes. “If you can’t tell that I’ve been in love with you for years then I’m sorry. You’re a certified idiot.”

The knock at his intelligence flew right over his head because the love confession by the almost naked man in front of him consumed his mind. Love? Richie loved him? How? All they did was fight and bicker. Was this a joke? One of Richie Toziers dumb ass jokes that he thought would be hilarious?

“Is this a joke?” Eddie asked, his breath hitching a little as an embarrassed panic settled over him, the idea of his sexuality being the butt of a joke again causing his back and palms start to sweat. “Cause it’s not fucking funny in the slightest.”

“Wha-? No! Why would I joke about that?”

Eddie threw up his hands because he didn’t really have an answer to that. Richie was very vocal about his bisexuality, the confidence something Eddie didn’t have about his own sexuality until he was at least twenty-four. 

“People have before!” It was the best he could come up with and he had to look away from the sadness he saw in the other’s eyes because he couldn’t handle that right now. “People can be awful and two faced and we’ve done nothing but get under each other’s skin so excuse me if I’m a little surprised.”

It was quiet, the only sound being Eddie’s heavy breathing, his head starting to feel light with how many emotions he was trying to keep inside. When Richie spoke again Eddie’s attention snapped to him, Richie’s wet hair starting to curl now that it was starting to dry and Eddie had an insane thought of pulling on one of the ringlets.

“It’s not a joke.” Richie started slowly. “And damn I wish I had my glasses cause right now you’re just  a faceless blob, but I’m not joking. I just-you fought me first.”

Eddie blinked. The nerve of this fucking dipshit. “Are you serious?”

“You yelled at me because of my clothes.”

Eddie was about to explode, with what emotion he wasn’t sure which was strange. “They were all over the bus!”

Richie had the decency to look slightly ashamed. “Yeah, well-“

“Yeah, well-“ Eddie mimicked, pitching his voice lowers like Richie’s but adding more of an idiot tone. He frowned crossing his arms as he stared at the man, daring Richie to try to excuse how much of a mess he was. The tension was thick and honestly Eddie was glad this was the last show because if this went south, which it probably was going to, then he wouldn’t ever have to see Richie Tozier again.

Then Richie’s towel slipped completely.

Both of them stood there deathly silent, Eddie trying his best not to glance down while Richie made a face as if accepting that this was how he was probably going to be murdered. Eddie cracked first,it started out as a choked wheeze, his body barely able to contain the full on belly laugh that came after it and Eddie bent over and gasped for breath as he continued to laugh so hard tears came to his eyes.

“Yeah.” Richie muttered. “I confess to a guy, show him my dick and he laughs. That’s about right.”

Eddie started laughing harder and he was honestly about to choke on his own spit if Richie said anything else. Soon Richie started to laugh as well, not even bothering to pick the towel back up as he grabbed his pants and started hopping into them rather ungracefully. 

“You look like a literal noodle man.” Eddie whispered, his voice shot from laughing so hard. “Oh my god! How are you all limbs?”

“I’m real good at reaching for things up high. That’s my like top talent there. Number one on my dating profile.”

Laughter bubbled up from Eddie’s throat again and he had to go sit down on the couch because his abs hurt. “You’re ridiculous.”

The smile that Richie gave him made his heartbeat speed up a bit as he smiled back.

That had been five years ago, four dating anniversaries ago, moving into two new apartments and one house near the beach in San Diego ago and now Eddie sat in the crowd and watched his boyfriend act. It had been the twenty-seventh time he’d heard it, they both used each other as sounding boards for their newest material, and Eddie thought it was one of Richie’s best.

But it threw him when near the end, Richie segwayed into a completely different topic than he was supposed to.

“So did you hear about Ben Hanscome and Beverly Marsh finally tying the knot?” The crowd whooped loudly and Richie chuckled. “Man, it was great. Yeah, you heard right. I was there. I got invited because I’m special.”

The crowd laughed at the bratty cheerleader voice he’d used at the word special and Eddie watched in confusion as Richie laughed at himself and shook his head. 

“But man it was great. They were so into each other that anyone would look at it and be like ‘Damn I want that.’ Ya know, along with the million dollars they have, their banging bods and that awesome leg garter Ben was wearing all night.” More laughs and Eddie was starting to get nervous about what this was. Richie now a days only improvised when something had gone wrong with his act, but he had pulled off almost the whole thing without a hitch so Eddie didn’t know what was happening. “It made me think about if I want that. Like, get to see my little Napoleon dressed in his finest.”

Oh.

Oh shit.

“So, I think I’m going to try and make it a thing.” The world went silent as Richie pulled something from his pocket and moved to kneel down on his knee. “Spaghetti, what do you say? Wanna try matrimony with me?”

Richie was looking right at him, the whole crowd was looking for him and Eddie had no idea how to react. So, he did the only thing he knew to do, he stood up and cupped his hands around his mouth so the whole theater could hear him.

“You’re a fucking idiot!” He yelled loudly. “During a show? Really?”

The crowd starting muttering in worry, but Richie kept that dumb beautiful smile on his face and Eddie grinned.

“But yes! Obviously I’ll marry you, dick head!”

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Tag list: @tinyarmedtrex @oldguybones @constantreaderfool @queen-sock@stylesmelon @appojoos @photoboothreddie @trashmouthnick @eddiefuckinkaspbrak @s-s-georgie @reddieforlove @moonlightrichie @eduardoandale @girasol-eddie @thorn-harvester-ven @pink-psychic @nancynwheeler @recycle-byn @marsisaplanetyall @lifesucksheres20bucks @edstozler @uppperteeeth @s-onora @darkobsidianquill @purplepoisonedgem @njess04

[skinks]

alright, alright, listen up. i have yet to see the second movie (mainly cos i cant find an illegal version>:() but i know the spoilers. so. joe. what the HELL happened to eddie. i'm: furious. please break down what went wrong. i'm procrastinating on an english essay and am about to lose my damn mind a) why is this essay due tomorrow and b) why'd andy do this to us?

fhdkhfksd sorry this is late! I hope your English essay got done in time :0

valid of you not to have seen the movie, unlike some idiots (me) who paid to see it twice in the cinema

it probably all boils down to the difficult task of trying to adapt even one half of a novel as huge as IT into a single film. There just isn’t enough time to really delve into the characters, which is really imo one of the book’s strengths. The characters all feel very solid and distinct because we get so much insight during their chapters, and Eddie’s passages are probably the most engaging. He’s so interesting! He’s so curious and conflicted, so determined and brave and defensive and funny and full of so much love for his friends

There’s an interview Muschietti did at what I think was a book launch q&a for the movie companion book, where he said that he didn’t pick up on any of the repressed sexuality subtext in Eddie’s story. And y’know, I find that odd because to me it’s blatant and widely written about, but whatever. THEN he said he thought Eddie had “enough issues” already without adding the sexuality angle, as if Eddie’s repression couldn’t possibly be deeply linked to his obsessive health anxiety or his struggle for autonomy from the controlling memory of his mother

And so the movie, I think, fails to really delve into the reasons for any of the adult characters’ problems, except for maybe Bill and to some minor extent, Richie.

It’s just that Eddie (and Mike, who’s COMPLETELY sidelined) gets the worst of this lack of characterisation, and instead suffers from mischaracterisation. He’s turned into total comic relief, his hypochondria and “mommy issues” are there only as shallow backdrop for the bullshit “overcoming his cowardice” arc that the screenplay gives him.

I KNOW that this is most likely a runtime issue, and because of the change in screenwriters between ch1 and ch2, but it’s still galling. Eddie’s robbed of all his moments of poignant catharsis that make his arc so satisfying and fascinating and tragic in the book.

Bowers’ death, for instance - Eddie kills him in the book and we’re meant to read it as a mirrored conclusion to the set-up where, as children, Henry breaks Eddie’s arm. Eddie is particularly targeted with homophobia from Bowers in the book. By giving that entire plot to Richie, wherein it’s Richie we see receiving homophobic abuse as a child, and it’s Richie who kills Bowers, the filmmakers are by their own admission showing that they lifted entire chunks of Eddie’s sexuality narrative and just... gave them to Richie instead.

This isn’t to say that Richie isn’t targeted with homophobia in the book - he is, and it’s interesting that he and Eddie are iirc the only two who are - OR that they shouldn’t have given Richie the closeted narrative. I’m very glad we got canonically gay Richie. I just don’t see why we couldn’t have had some canon acknowledgement of Eddie’s many telling moments, many of them shared with Richie, especially his dying words scene. His last words are a cheap joke, and his last WORD is literally “mother”, which will never stop pissing me off lmao. You’re allowed more than one gay character in a story, hollywood

The film’s lack of any reciprocity of Richie’s feelings on Eddie’s end, or in fact the lack of any of the tenderness book!Eddie shows for his friends is the most annoying thing about how they handled ch2 Eddie, in my opinion. It speaks to a fundamental misunderstanding of Eddie’s feisty, passionate character.

That’s why I still like ch1 better. Not only is it just a more solid film in almost every way, but Eddie’s always been my favourite from the book and I feel like they did his arc justice in the first movie. Ch2 was attempting too many things, and failed at most of them

[mitchmarnier]

BLOOD IN THE WATER

summary: “I think we’re all going to have do some pretty terrible things,” Eddie said quietly. His hand came to wrap in Richie’s shirt, trying to burn out the violent grip of his father’s from earlier. “None of us have a choice in anything anymore. Whatever happened at Greta’s tonight-“ Eddie’s voice broke and he felt Richie press a kiss into his hair. “There isn’t a good and a bad anymore. There’s just die or don’t.”

[or: after the gruesome murder of his younger brother, Bill Denbrough is determined to bring about the end of the string of crimes in Derry no matter the cost. As stories unwind and fall apart, there’s only more questions as everybody’s lives hang in the balance.]

chapter count: 14/21

chapter warnings: graphic depictions of violence, mentions of past rape, mentions of past character death, implications of sexual situations

Taglist: @honkhonkrichard @hufflepuffkaspbrak @emmieliabedelia @reddie-for-anything @wowdidiask @reddiesetrichie @beepbeepbitchard @lemonadeandrice @mirandosky @vanilluna @mqlvaa @fivxharmony 

[Prologue] [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [Read Full Story on AO3] [Playlist]

Eddie Kaspbrak had just finished hanging the jacket up in his locker before it was slamming shut, nearly crushing his fingers and causing him to let out a small yelp. Standing behind where his open locker door had once been, was the tiny but fierce figure of Patricia Blum. She smiled happily up at him, as though she hadn’t just almost done damage to his hand.

“Come on, Kaspbrak,” Patty said cheerfully, grabbing his hand and trying to tug him down the halls. “We have places to go and answers to find. Whatever class you have can wait.”

Eddie let out a short, surprised noise as he stumbled under Patty’s surprising amount of force. “What? Where are we going? Is Richie-“

“Oh, Richie isn’t coming,” Patty said happily, walking quickly through the halls. Eddie’s heart jumped slightly, looking around the group of students. The whispers would no doubt to kicking to a start, Eddie being enough of a subject to school gossip ever since he started dating Richie. He’d wondered, for short moments, if it the reactions of the public could be anything similar to that of when Zachary Denbrough began dating Sharon. Eddie had started to feel as though he couldn’t walk, couldn’t breath, around his classmates without attracting attention. He supposed he should have expected that opening to his relationship with Richie Tozier would have been hot information, even with the amount of terrible things happening in Derry.

“Oh, I…” Eddie stalled for a moment, frowning and attempting to slow his steps behind Patty. “I should, I should probably go to class. I missed most of the last few weeks and I really shouldn’t skip out on anything else-“

Patty turned around and raise her eyebrows. “Eddie. Do you want to go to class?”

“No,” Eddie replied honestly without any hesitation. Nobody would want to go to a class where everybody- including your teachers- spent the entire time staring at you and whispering. “But-“

“Come on!” Patty grabbed at Eddie once more, yanking him through the halls fast enough that the heads of their classmates all whipped towards them. Eddie winced at the thoughts of all the rumors that would be following them out of the building.

Patty lead Eddie quickly through the cluster of student cars in the parking lot, then waited as a car pulled up to them. Stan Uris leaned out the drivers’ seat window and gave him an unimpressed look. “Alright. Get in.”

Eddie shook his head slightly, head spinning through a loop. “I… I thought you didn’t trust me.”

Stan sighed. “Beverly says you can’t be trusted… Which basically makes you the only person I find trustworthy about now.”

xxx

Richie pressed his yellow highlighter against the textbook and held it down, dragging it across a full line… then another… and another…. before sighing in frustration and tossing the highlighter back onto the desk. Leaning forward on his elbows, Richie ran fingers through his mess of curls.

“TOZIER!” Richie startled, looking up as Aurora Morgans came stomping into the otherwise empty classroom. Her brown eyes were blazing and slams a photograph down on the desk over his textbook. “You are not an easy dude to find, you know that?”

Richie sighed. “Yeah, Morgans. That was the whole point.”

Aurora flipped the photo over and Richie leaned to look at it on a reflex. A woman in a prom dress stared up at him, a woman he didn’t recognize. Richie’s eyes flicked back up to Aurora and he frowned. “This chick means nothing to me, and I’m pretty sure you know that. So, what are you fishing for?”

“Look a little bit closer and stop acting like a damn idiot,” Aurora growled. Richie shook his head slowly, reaching out for the photograph and pulling it towards him. His eyes landed on his mother and Frank Kaspbrak having a conversation in the background.

Richie made an aborted noise, and shook his head with a soft laugh. “What are you getting at, Morgans? They were friends, them talking together at a literal school function isn’t a crime. Why are you trying to make it into one?”

“This picture,” Aurora pointed at it angrily. “Was like, the only personal belonging that Robert Gray kept in his life after being arrested- and your mother is in it. This is the student he was dating while he was chopping up her classmates. Care to give your thoughts?”

Riche pushed away from his desk, and walked around in Aurora’s space. “If this is your snakey ass trying to accuse the Devils of being-“

“So quick to jump to the defense-“ Aurora began to mock before another person came stomping into the once deserted classroom and slammed the door shut. Ben Hanscom stomped towards them, glaring even more towards Aurora than he was towards Richie.

“You know, I tried. I really tried.” Ben was shaking his head, face contorted with a somehow calm rage. “I tried to get out, I tried to turn off all this curiosity bullshit. But this,” he shook a crumbled piece of paper into Aurora’s face. “But I guess I can’t! So what are we going to do?”

“What is it?” Richie crossed his arms to give a strong air of non-chalance. He seemed to remember Ben Hanscom being a stuttering, terrified mess in his drive way not too long ago, but this boy in front of him seemed to have had ever inch of fear drained from him and replaced with annoyance.

Ben tossed the paper in Richie’s direction, Richie fumbling with it and being forced to pick it up off the floor. “You can keep yourself away, but you can’t hide from what must happen. All will be revealed on the night of senior prom- Okay, what the fuck is this shit?”

Ben sighed. “I was delivered to the paper sometime yesterday. It had my name on it.”

“Somebody threatened you?” Aurora asked, voice cracking awkwardly. She reached out to take hold of Ben’s hand, but he yanked away and glared at her. Richie raised his brow and glanced back and forth between him, pursing his lips to keep from smirking.

“They threatened all of us,” Ben said coldly. “That shit about prom?”

“My sister…” Richie said with a soft voice. “There was the word prom written above her body when I found her.”

Aurora and Ben glanced at one another for moment with sharp eyes. “And you never thought that might be important at all?” Aurora asked in a sharp, serious tone.

Richie narrowed his eyes at her, frowning. “The police were all there, they fucking saw it. Sorry I didn’t report to you with the latest gossip immediately after finding my thirteen year old sister’s dead body. I’ll make note of that next time.”

“That’s not what I meant and you fucking know it, Tozier.” Aurora rolled her eyes and even Ben was shaking his head.

“Actually, I don’t think I do know that,” Richie almost growled and a twinkle of that all-familiar fear flashed on Ben’s face. “All I know about you, Aurora Morgans is that you’re a soulless information sucker who I would bet lost her virginity to the super information highway and-“

“Okay, okay, we get it-“ Ben broke through, waving his hands in front of him. “As true as all those things are-“

“Hey!” Aurora gasped.

“They aren’t going to help us now.” Ben finished without out so much as glancing at the offended look Aurora was giving him.

“Helping us?” Richie laughed bitterly. “No offense but I’m not part of whatever this puppy-love-crush-turned-hate-fuck relationship you two have going on, I have my own issues.”

“And your own hate fuck relationship?” Aurora asked with a sweet voice.

Richie’s jaw clenched and arms twitched. “Morgans, you rat-spirited cunt, I really don’t want to fucking drop you kick right now but I fucking will.”

“I could take your hyped-up daddy’s boy ass,” Aurora shot back with a laugh. “You don’t have your little gangster buddies to back you up, you’re not even wearing your jacket anymore. We both know you’re nothing on your own.”

“Stop, stop, stop,” Ben cried, pushing himself between Aurora and Richie as Richie’s eyes flashed dangerously. “Basically, this is all our problem!! If we were smart, we’d probably like, drop out of school and become hermits.”

“I’m not running away from some hyped-up psychopath,” Aurora said immediately, to Richie and Ben’s matching eye rolls. “Benny, we’re so close to blowing this case wide open. Look-“ She drove forward to grab the photo from Richie’s desk but Ben was turning his head away.

“This isn’t some case, Aurora!” Ben cried. “This is people’s lives- our lives.”

“Then why didn’t you go to the police with the letter instead of me?” Aurora challenged with a smirk.

“I didn’t come to you,” Ben shot back. “I came to Richie- you just happened to be here.”

Richie made a mockery of an honour noise and pressed his hands over his heart. “I am honoured, Haystack. Look a that, the loving is really starting to blossom here-“

“Shut up, Tozier,” Aurora and Ben said in unison, which only prompted a larger grin from Richie.

“Listen, detectives,” Richie held his hands and shook his head. “I respect your…. weird obsessions with crypic clues but this is way heavy. I don’t want any part of this!”

“You’re already part of this!” Ben actually yelled, Richie and Aurora’s both startling. “Fucking like it or not, we’re all a part of this! I think we’re all going to have to work together to fix this bullshit!”

“And end scene,” Richie said, slapping his hands together. “Wonderful performance, Mr Hanscom, just splendid. Keep your ears open for your award nomination, it should be coming in anytime now.”

“Are you always such a douchebag?” Ben hissed.

“Yes,” Richie and Aurora said in unison. Richie clapped his hands together a few more times then began to gather up his belongings. “Well, this was fun, y’all. I’ve got to go… somewhere that isn’t here with you.”

“Need to go find your little boy toy?” Aurora asked. “Don’t bother, I heard Uris and Blum tossed them into the backseat of the Rabbi’s car and drove off at the start of first period.”

For a spilt second, there was an emotion of Richie Tozier’s face that gave even Aurora a pause. He stepped forward and took Aurora’s chin in his fingers and tilted it up towards him. “Rory, sweetheart… jacket or not, I could still make you the next Derry bitch to disappear.”

xxx

Eddie stepped out of the backseat of Stanley Uris’ car, looking up into the sunny sky. The Neibolt House was a dark stain on the whole street, falling apart sidings and over grown grass that held a height similar to the rickety front porch. The yellow crime scene tape draped around the front door really completed the picture. Stomach tense, Eddie turned back to the couple behind him. “What are we doing at Neibolt?”

Patty hiked her backpack higher on her shoulders and grinned excitedly. “We’re going to find out the truth. From people who really know what happened. The people who died.”

“What… are you talking about ghosts?” Eddie asked with a crinkle of his nose. “Like… actual ghosts? Do Jewish people even believe in ghosts?”

Stan came around the front of the car and sighed. “I- personally as a Jewish person- am skeptic of ghosts as best. But the actual religion definitely has spirit aspects.”

“The Torah forbids trying to communicate with the dead,” Patty added in too-happy a voice. “But so does the Bible and literally every other book of Worship, and white people do that shit all the time.”

“This is how white die,” Eddie said quietly, glancing back over his shoulder at the old house. “My ma always told me to never go in this house, you know? It’s cursed.”

“She’s probably right.” Patty cheered, taking Stan’s hand in one and Eddie’s in the other. She pulled them quickly up to the house and ripped down the strings of CSI tape. Eddie made a small noise of disapproval but followed the pair of them down into the house.

“We’re going right into the heart of everything,” Patty called over her shoulder as she stomped down a set of stairs that looked as though only the barest of weight would send them tumbling apart. Eddie and Stan glanced at one another anxiously, both hesitating at the top of the steps before Patty’s voice carried back up to them. “Come on, chicken shits! I did it just fine!”

“I’ve got a foot of height and almost 100 pounds on you!”  Stan shouted down but quickly sighed and took off down after her. Eddie inhaled sharply, wishing for once that he still carried around his inhaler from youth, and moved down the stairs as quickly as he could. He collided with Stan at the bottom, who gave him a look of distaste before they both stepped further into the dingy basement.

“Oh my god…” Eddie whispered, taking in the make shift bed on the ground and the chains that were still attached to the walls. His stomach twisted and churned at the thought of Janie Tozier- the little pigtail girl- being held down here for months with no hopes of ever getting free. Eddie wrapped his arms around himself, noting the stark paleness of Stanley’s face as they both move closer to the papers and cup that Patty was setting up right in front of the makeshift bed.

“Wow, wait, right here?” Stan asked, voice cracking slightly under his nerves. He and Eddie both creeped closer, looking at one another in mild distress. “Isn’t that a little disrespectful?”

It was that moment that Eddie really realized that Stanley had watched Janie Tozier grow up similar to how he’d watched Georgie Denbrough. Probably even closer, given the bond that the Devils all shared with one another, and kind of found family connection that Eddie would likely never have with anybody. Eddie swallowed harshly and found himself to recognize that this wasn’t his place to break down.

“It’s morbid, I know,” Patty said sadly. “But I feel like being as close to Janie’s spirit as possible will help us. She hasn’t been dead long and it’ll be hard to-“

“Yeah, yeah,” Stan started shaking his head and took several steps back towards the stairs. “She hasn’t been dead long. This is messed up, Pats, I’m not… I’m not doing this. I want to know if Bev did this probably worse than you do, but I… There’s got to be another way.”

“We’ve already broken in!” Patty argued. “The serious felons are already done with! The police aren’t even going to come back here, you know what they’re like!”

“It’s not the legality I’m having with this, it’s the moral issues,” Stan said angrily, rubbing at the side of his face. “I’m not going to sit here and try to… talk to Richie’s dead little sister to find out if Beverly killed her! I… I don’t want to know that bad. It’s…. disturbing.”

Patty gave Stan a sad look and as she opened her mouth to reply, the door to the basement slammed shut and Eddie felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up. Goosebumps shot down his arms and he felt moments away from throwing up, watching how Patty tugging her Devils jacket closer around herself. The pieces of paper she’d placed on the ground started blowing until only four remained on the floor.

P… R … O… M

Eddie gasped, flashes of dripping red letters on a wall burning the backs of his eyes. He grabbed at Stan and started pulling him. “We need to go, we need to go now.”