#in general. i think most bad art advice comes from the mindset that there's an endgoal to art

[hoofpeet]

Every day I think about what terrible advice "Don't draw ugly people" is..... I shouldn't be surprised by tiktok/youtube """""art advice"""" but it is kinda genuinely baffling that anybody ever said that whole-heartedly and meant it

[littledigits]

directy directory ramble incoming

I wanted to type out my thoughts on the role of director and how its viewed. Especially coming from a perspective of seeing the streaming bubble pop and just..intense scope creep..and yeah , anyway. No reason specifically just my surface level musings that i always have. Its been 5+ years since I went from an animation supervisor to an animation director, to being able to do my own episodes. It wasnt something I wanted in the sense of a title, but I just like taking whatever the next step or challenge is. I've always been team oriented too, so that will always be in the back of my mind when being in a position with more power. The level of power you have as a director is not something I was expecting to have,so I try not to take it for granted.

Over time I really found that there are two viewpoints of what the job and the expectations of the director are. People have asked me for advice on the job and Its through these conversations that I really see the split opinion. The strongest camp is the one that represents the word least to me, and thats the people who think that the director is 'in charge' in the sense of always doing what they say. There are good and bad of course, but the directors job is to make the hard choices and to push boundaries and to enact a VISION (be it their own, a clients, ect). Their expectation soley revolves around the creation of the creative product. The other camp is the one that sees the Director as a leader first and foremost, who has a responsibility to their team as well as the product, and that leadership and team management skills should be on the roster as well as creative prowess. one thinks its about creative vision first and minimal people skills, and the other thinks it should be 50/50 at the very least. I'm in the second camp, and I have so many people that go 'YES, THAT IS WHAT A DIRECTOR SHOULD DO!' and as much as I agree, I also have to point out that is often not the actual reflected expectations that Directors get - expectations play a big role after all. When you enter a job or grow in a job you should know what your new responsibilities are, and if not you are left to fill in your own gaps. Studios in GENERAL are terrible with clear boundaries and job expectations, so its really no surprise that the stronger creative voices become the loudest in the room. Even the most well meaning people can get into an impossible mindset because no one has told them otherwise...we all know passion and creativity can take us places after all. Sometimes, one is thrust into a position of power without even knowing just how much their choices may impact the team. There are some notorious asshole directors of course but for the most part I've found that creatives in the director realm are well meaning. However, that doesnt change the reality that as well-meaning as you are, there is an entire team of people who can be effected by your mindest, choices and problem sovling for good or bad.

I've talked about this before, but a mindset can vastly change how you problem solve something. A director with no leadership skills may see work that does not meet their expectations and their first thought was that the artist did not do their job properly. A director with leadership skills may see work that does not meet their expectations and understand there are many factors. Heres a few questions I ask myself.

did that person receive proper expectations for the task ?

was there a communication mishap ? ( this happens ALL THE TIME. its ART !_! the amount of times i've written a note that i thought was super clear and someone takes it in a way that..i didnt expect but it also made sense ? SOMETIMES IT DO BE THAT WAY. WE WORK ON OUR COMMUNICATION SKILLS TOGETHER)

did they have enough time to do it ? or feel rushed?

is everything ok ? Everyone has bad times and blips in the production so its reasonable that sometimes things come in not 100%

if it is a hard skill issue, is it a one off or is it ongoing? how are we helping them work on it? The answers to these questions are FAR more valuable in actually getting your vision done to the best of your time and energy then just simply thinking someone doesnt have the skills or needs to learn more. ALL OF THIS TO SAY. That even just having good faith and a connection to your team as a director is incredibly valuable for your information gathering and problem solving, (you learn way more about your pipeline and where the real issues are.) but is vastly underrepresented as an expectation of the job. SO. IF YOU WANT TO DIRECT. you may not get told that your team is part of your responsibility, but if we want a sustainable and healthy industry we have to divide our passion for the project into our team as well as the creative end game. Take some leadership classes, learn about different communication types, or at least have people around you who can do that. You dont need to be everyones bestie, but you do have a responsibility for their experience on the project. ill post some tips and such about working with people later cuz this is long enough

[cilil]

Hi, I come to seek your wisdom: how does one start writing smut without instantly combusting from embarrassment? I have a few Ideas (Uinen/Ossë anyone?) I tried to write and, while the scenario works very well in my head, I forget what words are the moment I try to write it down and start feeling so awkward even if I’m alone. (Also I’m ace and never had sex in my life so… that’s not helpful)

Thank you for any advice you’d have, o wise one 🫶

Hi anon! Ossë and Uinen, huh? Sounds lovely!😁 Anyway I gave this some thought and hopefully came up with something helpful.

Get in the zone. Now this may sound a bit redundant since you already said you still have trouble if you're alone, but something worth figuring out in general for all sorts of writing is "how is writing comfortable for me", "how can I stay focused" and "how can I set myself up physically to give myself the best mental space". This is different for everyone. Most people will prefer to be alone, for starters. Then there are other "environmental factors" you could consider, to name a few examples:

Does sitting at a desk or a table maybe feel too "formal"? Would sitting on a couch or your bed be better? Or lounging/lying down/standing/walking?

Does the writing program and device you use vibe with you? Maybe writing on phone is too strenuous or writing on a laptop leads to this big empty sheet that makes it hard to start, especially with "trickier" things like smut?

Does having a drink or a snack distract you or would the chewing/drinking actually help you keep your thoughts in motion?

These are going to vary wildly between individuals and also between genres you write, but heightening your general comfort with writing and/or looking to make changes to adapt to smut writing in particular can help with your ability to do so.

Take notes. I know, this sounds very... unsexy, but hear me out. Writing a scene from beginning to end, even if you have the scenario in your head already, can be daunting and at least for me personally it helps a lot when I let the scene play out first, take some fairly basic notes and then use them alongside the scene I'm picturing to write it all out. It will also help if you prefer to write non-chronologically because then there's less of a mess to put together later.

Watch & read smut. While this is something you'd normally think is mainly for inspiration (which, as I understand, is not the problem here) it can also help with getting you into the mindset, the mood and overall more used to the material. Maybe there are a few fics you read that you liked and didn't make you feel awkward about engaging with smut? Maybe there's a hot piece of art that makes your fingers itch to write?

Since I'm already at it, a few words about porn: It can help a lot with visualizing scenes and thus also make them easier to write, but I want to acknowledge that a lot of porn is made for and catering specifically to allosexual straight cis men which can make it not as palpable or enjoyable for everyone who is, well, not that (women, non-binary, ace, lesbian, gay, etc etc). It would be nice if there was more for us and I'm certain some awesome creators and sex workers out there are working on it, but... you know. Just wanted to say it's not for everyone and that is very okay and understandable.

No experience? No problem. To briefly get this out of the way: Is having real life sexual experience helpful for writing smut? It can be. You can absolutely draw from your experience to describe certain acts or sensations or emotions. But will it make or break your smut fic? Absolutely not and no worries! Not to rain on anyone's parade, but a lot of real life sex can be bad, boring or just... super casual so it's not very useful as smut material.

If you feel like this is an issue, treat it like every other aspect of writing where you lack personal experience and do some research and/or talk to someone you trust and feel comfortable discussing the topic with to get their input. Let things you enjoyed elsewhere inspire you (see above) and especially in this case feel free to just trust your imagination because:

About Ainur sex. Conveniently, we're talking about two Ainur having sex here which essentially eliminates any sort of necessity to stay true to the standard human sexual experience. Whatever you imagine, it pretty much can't be wrong because who knows how two married angelic spirit beings have sex. Go with your imagination and don't worry about accuracy or describing every single detail; in general you are free to adapt your smut writing to your level of comfort (the spectrum goes from fade to black to every single gross and nasty detail being put on display). Don't let audience expectations pressure you into anything either - there will be someone out there who will enjoy your take and your style.

Words not wording. Another big pitfall of smut writing is the, let's say, naughty vocabulary. It can feel awkward, cringe or generally uncomfortable to use certain words (for example for genitalia) and then there's also the matter of choosing which one feels right and hopefully doesn't make readers cringe. While there's never one right and perfect answer to this question, I offer you this survey as a resource. In it, preferred vocabulary choices for various body parts and actions are shown. I hope it helps with the writing process!

Lastly: Let it cook. I don't know what the scene you had in mind entails so this bit may be redundant, but if you don't feel comfortable jumping right into the smutty part you can have a sort of "prelude" to it and yes, it can be as long as you want it to be. Maybe writing a bit of talking and cuddling or whatever else you have in mind first will ease you into the writing itself and make it easier to write the smut because you're already in flow state; but that too depends on what kind of writer you are in general.

Sorry for talking so much, I just wanted to cover as many bases as I thought of over the last few days and add as many points as I can so hopefully this helps you and maybe other people as well. Wishing you all the best and lots of fun with your writing!💙

[nwarrior777]

Hello! I wanted to say that I have been in love with your art for some years now and kinda think of you as a teacher when it comes to self-love and drawing/generally showing fat people in media! So I'm seeking your advice on this topic if that doesn't bother you... (tw fatphobia from people)

There is one fandom character who I love and accociate myself with a bit, so I really want to draw them fat, but most of the people think it's "not logical" for him to be fat, and all of the fanart of him are thin (despite the original book never stating this). And this fandom already has another character for who it's more "logical" to be fat but I want that specific one because he is so dear to me. I also want to cosplay this character but people told me I'm "too fat" to do it :( So I want to hear your opinion about this because it's very important to me!

Oh hello!

Big honor to hear such a thing about teacher! And very big letter, oh! Always happy to get it. But it is big responsibility to answer on that!

And oh i wrote a whole poem so i put it under the cut.

So first thing first, very important thing i want to say (it's like, in general) - please don't idolize me and don't put on pedestal.

Don't treat me like biggest authority - but like a soldier next to you in battle. It needed, for if you for some reason will find me not pleasant as a person, my words which describes my, very not individual, believes, would not be sticked to me as individual in your mind. Believes (about we need to strive to world of care, comfort and kindness in all aspects of life) which i belong to is much more than me. And i am just a human. Who can do mistakes, who can have opinions which you like next to some you disagree. I am sorry for being too poetic (i just went off from writing poem session) but i love line from Aurora song "you can give up on me, [but] never give up on Love", yeah, this line describes that i am trying to say perfectly. I hope you got the idea.

To the point!

So, of course i want to say that, "logical" fat character is an outdated thing of mindset, of course i am all in and routing for you in this desire to draw and cosplay character you like as fat. I mean? For people passing by not knowing context - i am the guy who draws fat only characters for near a decade. In any scenario and plot, in my drawings they are all fat (well in 0.00000000001% character on my art is skinny. and it's usually someone near fat character). It's like i am a little reversed tv - any type of shows but all characters are fat. Why? - because in big tv (mass media) there is * no * fat characters. Ok, they are sometimes are but it's 0.00000000001% chance and you all know how creators treat them. And i choosed it as my art goal to shift the balance and bring people art where they recognize themselves, drawn in a gorgeous way, and feel happy.

But here is the thing: experience and surroundings of each is different. I can't just shout "yeah, go go show your pride don't be scared and shy!" to someone who surrounded by things which take this someone caged, and someone who still breaking cages in their mind. So it is a little complicated. I am all in, i think your drawings of this character is gorgeous and your cosplay is gorgeous and you are gorgeous (i didn't see you or your art, but i don't need it to say this). But i can't guarantee that others reaction will be positive-only (considering someone already being rude about cosplay) But i have thought on this too

If to look on my experience, as something that can be. Shared, I can share a bit of my "secrets" of being so free. at least by mind and art.

First - i have very specific mindset which i worked very hard very long time. I have my main values and everything in my life i judge by this. The core of this is thought, ( VERY simplified version. i am rotating this since my idk, 16, i am 27, it * is * more complicated than that) - "does it hurt anyone? no? good. other things are bad".

That guy wears dress. Anyone hurt? No. Good then

That guy is gay. Anyone would be hurt by their wedding? No. Good.

Painting of a flower which drawn """ugly""" or """ unskillfull""" by a person who hold pen first time? Give it to me it will be on my wall, it's cool drawing

millions money wasted on expedition to take away real iceberg getting it on town square only for it to melt to say "hey it was performance about climate change. did you know icebergs are melting?" - bad bad bad i would slap that dude in the face. i mean melting iceberg to say about problem of melting icebergs? could you just make an ice sculpture from dirty water in a shape of a globe or smth, pretentious fuсker-

So yes. I have strong moral core in mindset. I went through big journey of self body acception and now i am in full love of my body. I deep dived into disability side of insta blogers, and never honestly been on conservative beauty blogers side of internet. i see so much different people now, it completely vanished my if existed, fear, in terms of looks (i mean some experiences can be struggling and painfull which a bit of hard to deal with in my life context, but, we are about appearance here) - burns, amputations, whatever, all people beautifull for me no matter how they look. Including me.

Also i was very soon went into friendly (queer mostly) places, and my friends are kind people. I was growing in era of bodypositive getting popularity and people got on two sides - i went into bodypositive one and mostly i was around people who would never used "fat" as assoult.

But there was negative. Comments, someone even could write me in DM. Sometimes, at first i think i even cried, but then i remember some comments and one dm which i just laugh at. My friends were supporting me, and, the artist which was sort of first in my place in my location, who got even more hate, was on same side so i just. I don't know why i kept going. But i know why i still do - i wrote above

So it leads me to the point where i am: I am super confident in that i do. I know it is right thing - for me one smile, one "omg i never seen myself in art and this is literally me" is bigger than all hate i can get. I know that representative art do not harm but spread Love and comfort, and hateful comments hurt, so i know who is right here. I am confident about my body - i know that i can't cause harm by the way i look, rude comments - can, so i am again know exactly who is right. I don't pay attention for haters - people who lives driven by hate are so behind, that i just don't notice their echoes. Because i am too busy living in the world of Love, being with people who i like, complimenting each other and creating beautifull things of Care with people who do the same.

Also i have last secret: my skill. I don't believe in skill in art as quality concept, i love everything and honestly i love """ unskilled"""" art more with special warmth Love. But i am drawing my entire life and i have my techniques, which somehow lead me to that situation that my drawings could be seen in some concept art artbooks. But i refuse to give my power for industries and choose to give it to representative art and i Love it. But here comes the funny situation with this:

that awfull drama hater blogers, who takes """ unskillfull""" art of people without asking and laugh on it, who laughs on artist who make character headcanons like, disabled, or fat, or that respectfull redisign thing. That haters specifically take """"""""" bad""""""" art for their videos. Because in their values if art is skillfully drawn - it is cool art, and they judge only by that often. It is values which are in their core, conservative and not reflected, so with that it's also slapping with them not understanding importance of joy of experiment and being open to new in art. They don't see other parts of thing, they don't see context, they see only visuals and how good it at working with rules they were taught.

For these haters, a drawing of fat fav character made by man with affected motoric skills is a cause for big laughs. And a character number 1000076864578 made on base of one slim model with same female face, rendered in semi realism on promo of new (same and old) sucking money game is a masterpiece. For me it's totally opposite.

I even have a theory on why i am still not in one of these drama video. (well, part of) is that i have "pro" skill. What can they laugh on in my art? How they will say it? How they will laugh on art which is, by pro standard, better than theirs (i describing their believes, i don't judge art by visual, only by my moral system described above) "Their characters are fat!!!!" . So? "They change characters!!!" - and? I lied, i have another secret - characters for me are instrument. "I love to play with jpegs" - my common phrase.

I don't care about "lore reasons". "but this character did-", no he didn't do anything. he doesn't exist as being capable of thinking. all of his " did " are written actions by creators, and guess who i am (also creator) and guess that i can do (also write actions for jpegs). " but this character is slim-". yeah. in that image. i did another image and he is fat in it. Headcanons and au like playing dolls to me, it's super fun, and people who thinks that d***@#*""sney one model face designs are sacred, are, again, too far behind for hearing their echoes

So, that's my freedom in art and mind: i love my art, my body, i love that i opened in myself power to see beauty in every people appearance, my power to see beauty in others art and joy of playing with art. But it's me, with my context.

I have friendly surroundings, i have support, i have friends and audience, i am (kind of? in the niche, i guess) popular, i am confident in myself, i am confident in my art and my core values. I am near decade doing such art - it's contradicting mass media, but i found my support boubble, and this is my everyday life and norm to me now. And i am I totally understand that it can be scary to do something contradicting such thing as opinion on fat characters in mass media at first, then you don't have this long path behind shoulders or support, or rude people around. Negative comments can happen and it can be sad

But! I just want you to know that you have so much paths. If you feel shy and not confident - try to show this art with that fat character to friends who you are sure will support you. Or some friendly chat. Chats dedicated to fandoms who treat fat characters well are good choice. Surround yourself with support if you are not confident - someone need to be with you in case some rude people will be against. Cosplay, too - if you shy or not confident i would reccomend to try first with friends - making, photoes or going to convention. Then you feel comfortable in your confidence, you can post. Or you can not post. Or you can draw it in your sketchbook only. Or post in private little blog. Or, by the way - you can post and not tag him to main tittle tag. Even i did like this at first with my fat astarion. Before i understood people love my art of him. It's for your choice. And, it seems like now we have to post everything online on main, we actually don't have to. We can decide what to post or not, and what to keep to ourselves, and then we ready to post if we want. Open your own privacy room inside your chest. Don't feel pressured and post then you feel comfy.

Important thing to the end which i want to say is, that, this is why i make art in this way: for change, for showing that alternative on mass media image of this theme can be and exist. For people see themselves, for people thinking they are beautiful, realistic features are beautifull, to bring that beauty of people and world of Love into art.

For me some artists were first too, before me, in this. And sometimes even i afraid. I have opinions which i see people, who both on my side, are arguing on and i am afraid to bring my word. Because i don't see examples of that my takes in art. I am afraid to do something which will cause more drama than Love. I am too, sometimes afraid to be first or do something new.

So, i can't say to you what to do with your life and that decisions to make. But i can say your art and cosplay will be gorgeous and i don't need to see it to say it, and i will continue to fight my art fight for people like you to feel more comfortable about their bodies and art

❤

[olderthannetfic]

I'm in a fandom with a lot of virulent antis (surprise surprise, it's heavily dark source material and I don't know why they're here at all) and a lot of the pairings that aren't the main badwrong ship on ao3 now have DNI tags on them for shippers of the badwrong ship. I guess not enough to break the TOS (no direct threats?), but still full of stuff like "x shippers DNI", "get help you freaks", "You're disgusting" etc etc.

Its just... so frustrating. Like that's a pretty red flag for me that a fic probably is going to be in an immature writing style so I probably won't read it anyway, but every time I see it I just.... heave a big sigh. Why these people are in this fandom or on Ao3 at all I'll never know. Its not even helpful - the tags are there to help describe the fic, if I didn't want to see that kind of content I could just... avoid content that's tagged that way. Why even add that to a fic that's not even about those characters at all?

Honestly, my real question is.... Olderthannetfic, how do you do it?

I feel like I do it "right", in fandom, or at least I try. I always just block and move on. I don't follow the discourse where I can help it and block a lot of the relevant tags. I keep to a small circle of folks that have the same fun brainrot I do and have fun, generally. But this kind of stuff still slips through the cracks in a way that's unavoidable if you're ever online at all. To be honest, it still hurts a lot to see each time, and be reminded that some people seem to literally want me dead over reading a story. And I can't help the doubt and the self-flagellation that creeps in. Despite my best efforts, and all my research, and living to the ripe rip van winkle tumblr fandom spinster age of 27... I sometimes have a moment where I think, maybe I really am a freak or a degenerate, or an evil predator waiting to bloom.

Do you ever experience this? Does this feeling ever go away, or at least dull to a more bearable exasperated eye roll? Do you ever see these anti idiots grow up or grow out of this mindset? Is it just a matter of time, age or experience? Is there a point at which you felt like it affected you less, or perhaps it didn't affect you like that at all? Is there a secret to navigating it calmly and with confidence? Do you have any advice to give in the, er, art of not giving a fuck?

--

Why would I quail at a stupid child on the internet after coming out as queer when I was 14 in the 90s?

I grew up with very open-minded, supportive family aside from my mother's conviction that BDSM was something people were into because they'd been abused. Even then, I remember privately snickering because I was super kinky, and wouldn't that upset her given this silly world view?

I had it easy compared to most in the 90s, but I still saw a lot of nonsense, like good old Mom on the topic of kink or murders in the media. But I also spent a lot of time reading educational sexuality books that debunked myths about fantasies and kinkiness.

Maybe a firmer grounding in sexuality stuff would help you? Nancy Friday's work on women's fantasies is a common starting point. I'm partial to The Topping Book, which is full of "it's great to be a top, actually" and not "you only do it for the sub".

Getting older does usually help though. Most 20-somethings are insecure in their sense of self. Middle age is when people's fucks generally run out, and that only continues to grow. Watch a stupid child go after some 60-something zine writer lady. She's going to laugh in their faces. Some people remain insecure forever, I suppose, but not anybody who had to woman up to be in fandom in the first place.

It's not just that these little idiots are wrong about us being predators: it's that they are the morally degenerate ones for spreading the psychological equivalent of "vaccines cause autism" or "Jews want to steal your Christian babies".

This idea that The Bad People are infiltrating our minds with their propaganda overlaps heavily with anti-semitic conspiracy theory right wing fundie nutjob ideas, and yet these young fools claim to be pro-queer and pro-civil rights. They're an embarrassment to any progressive movement and it disgusts me.

When someone goes "You're not a Christian, so you're going to hell", do you have a moment when you wonder?

Because that's the level of absurdity here.

Even if they don't bully, even if they don't include threats in their DNIs, the fact that they're spreading myths about sexuality that have been thoroughly debunked many times means they're doing something unethical, anti-intellectual, and anti-science.

I'm not afraid or guilty. I'm embarrassed for them.

--

Do antis grow out of it? Yes, frequently.

They are—either literally or functionally—victims of right wing Christian cults. They have the same trajectory of realizing they've been had and slowly trying to work through the raging guilt and religious trauma.

I have limited patience but some sympathy. Like other victims who were indoctrinated to hurt people, escaping the cult is hard. It means not only giving up your false sense of safety and all of your friends but facing what you've done.

[benefits1986]

First Open Letter to McQueen

JULY 7, 2024 Dear McQueen,

Today, I saw you in the first drip I gifted you. Of course, I don't know what your size is. I'm but a noona who clings to your parentals' advice. Today, you cleaned up real good and no burst of kaaburiduhan which is quite surprising. Must be because you dozed off in the car before this meet up. Must be because, you're starting to co-exist with your crazy fambam. Must be because, you're just in the mood for the center stage. After all, today is your Chapter 1.

While I rarely carry you for some many reasons (some of which are too unreasonable), I am carrying the unwritten rules that come with being your noona. I took care of your crazy dad, and it's kinda coming into a full circle. Unlike your dad, you're a not so tiny bundle of "joy" and that means you're officially part of my list of priorities. LELS.

I don't know what our dynamics is because I just can't stand kids in general, however, know that your noona is here just in case you need help with anything, literally and figuratively. Unlike how I looked after your dad, let me take care of you from a safe distance wherein I'll zoom in and zoom out of your life.

Let me do a better job, because, I've had really terrible jobs when I was looking after your dad ages ago. Let me show you that life is like biking. You just have to bite the dust, from dawn 'til dusk. EMS. Let me share with you stories of your crazy lola whom you won't ever meet and greet. While she's no longer here, her love an life lessons live on, McQueen. And you are the testament of her life's one-liner. LUH. While you don't have her features (thankfully), I know that her blood runs deep in you. Her story is yours to continue.

May your story be the start of something wonderful, unapologetic, and worthwhile. May your story end the bad, the ugly, and the fucked up bits and pieces, too. It is not easy, little one, but noona is just here to check on you, and your crazy dad, too, at times when you and him need me the most.

While noona's bandwidth and patience are almost non-existent, know that you can kinda count on me when it comes to things that your dad is not skilled at. Some of these skills include: -Jumping off a cliff -Gala, gala, gala -Saying yes to adventures and misadventures -Talking about the hard questions -Finding the answers or at least, trying to figure things out -Thinking of workarounds and pivots -Simplifying complicated shit -Complicating simplified shit (LOL) -Building Legos (or something similar) Your crazy dad's skill sets are generally impressive which are noona's waterloo. Some of these are:

-Saying no more often -Staying home more often -Thinking about what other's feelings are -Finding no fault in "utos" na walang gatol -Being too basic in getting something -Mastering the art of doing nothing -Driving -Powering through major health issues -Drinking bitter meds when you're sick -Trusting doctors 100% -Praying the rosary and going to church -Following routines

So, you have a blueprint of whom to refer to should you need help or you're just too bored in your life. Your lolo is gonna be on the sidelines as you grow up. Tahimik lang 'yan sa umpisa, pero boogsh 'yan 'pag may arya. Your lolo is a testament that life is best lived plainly. He'll show you how it is to have the priceless mindset na: Daanan mo lang lahat 'yan. Saktong happy, saktong sad lang. Ganun lang.

We're not a perfect fam. We're are very flawed. May these flaws and imperfections allow you to form your personhood. Eto lang wish ko: Piliin mong maging mabuting tao. Lagi kang healthy, happy, and hopeful. 'Yun lang talaga. At syempre, sana 'wag kang babaero tulad ng tatay, lolo, at syempre, ng noona mo. LELS.

I sincerely wish you birthdays that allow you to see how far you've gone in the same manner that you are willing and able to see how far you can still go.

And with that, my dearest McQueen, choose peace, love, and hard jive always.

Can't wait to see you grow up! Let's bike naaaaaa outside MNL!

[twentytarot]

hi everyone! i’ve been hard at work with my job this past month but i am finally done and back with a reading. today, we’re doing a reading on marriage in your life in general. pick the tiffiany ring that sets your thoughts off, triggers a memory or invokes a strong emotion and scroll right down for your reading. see you there! 💍

CONTENT WARNING: there are negative piles here. not every pile has a future spouse.

PILE ONE: CUSHION CUT

if you were handed an ultimatum and forced to choose between marriage and work, you’d probably get into your car and go to work the next morning. this makes things a little complicated, because you’re ambitious, you’re feisty, you hate it when your time and attention is used up on something that doesn’t matter to you. if you get married, however, your time will be eroded by many things that don’t matter in hindsight. you see, there will always be ridiculous in-laws, there will always be someone that will want your help so long as it is available. someone is going to want kids, even if that decision is completely irrelevant to them, or something dumb like that. no married couple gets out of having to deal with these things, and no couple gets through it without fighting over it a single time. so, my question to you is: will you have the patience to see this through? or will you fold?

unfortunately, the cards don’t predict the best of outcomes when it comes to your marriage. you probably will decide not to get married in the first place. if you do, you might remarry, or get into a questionable third-party situation. yet, i don’t see this being a huge hindrance on your life as a whole. you seem to me like the kind of person who cares less about having an other half compared to your friends, and i think you are going to have so much going for you in other facets in your life that you won’t be clinging onto this relationship when it goes south. this gives me celebrity vibes, almost, like someone who can never be home and the relationship ends because work is so demanding. so this will be a little sad, but i’m confident you will pick yourself back up quickly. 

astrologically, cancer came out very strong, and the interpretation i want to go with is that your most significant relationship will be very cancerian in nature. comforting at first, but ultimately probably not aligned with what you want to do with your life. that’s alright, you’ll be able to afford your own diamond ring anyway.

PILE TWO: SOLITARE

well, pile two, it looks like someone told you “if no one is going to marry you, i will”, and then they took it seriously. i kid, but i do see an element of your future spouse being someone you didn’t expect at all. perhaps you thought they would just be a best friend that knows all your secrets. and yet, this person knows your darkest secrets and then offers you love in its purest form. i get the feeling you’re not quite used to that, pile two. i’m hearing this underlying feeling of “what if i give too much, wait what if i give too little”, and i think this is partly because you haven’t seen first-hand a marriage that is of the kind you want to be in. it feels like you’re not sure if happy marriages exist in your world. well, they do. it just turns out that you give just the right amount when you’re not trying, which is why a best friend finally becomes your spouse.

this person will be with you through thick and thin, you will feel like they are your soulmate. you will always feel balanced in your relationship with this person because they will always be silently watching the scales, tipping it this way and that whenever something is about to swing out of balance. they will help you feel like you have nothing to worry about, they will bring a childlike kind of happiness into your life. 

now, onto a little bit of warning. no marriage is only ever happy, and i sense that your source of pain will come from outside influences. money is one, health is another. you will be very much together, but it’s a blessing and a curse because when one goes down, the other follows. the advice to you is to try your best to lift each other up through bad times, and know when you have to detach and go do your thing alone for the good of your future with them. you don’t have to always turn around to make sure they’re following, they’re your forever! they’ll be there.

PILE THREE: ROSE INFINITY

your marriage isn’t going to be a very fast-paced one— when you meet your future person, you’re going to be eons away from being ready to get married, and they will be the same. i almost feel like you will laugh at yourself when you start dating this person. the relationship just isn’t... pretty. this person almost brings out the worst in you: you fight them about the stupidest things and rile them up all the time just because it’s funny. there’s ten separate occasions where you’re pretty sure you should have been dumped or dumped them for some iconic out of left field insults, but for some reason it’s just funny after you’ve both calmed down. so it’s fun, and it’s so 20-something, but you’re preparing yourself for the inevitable breakup. and then... it somehow never comes.

somewhere along the lines, you grew up, and so did they. you didn’t know it then, but this person brings the best out of you as much as they bring out the worst. like a tantrum that just has to be thrown before a little child can settle down, you took your growing pains out on each other, and then somehow managed to fit into each others’ lives forever without even thinking about it. you give each other love naturally, flowing with each other and keeping each other sane. after you get married, there’s a feeling of “i can rest when this person is around” kind of energy because you trust each other to come out with the truth when it needs to be said, but you also trust that the person will be there to pick up the pieces if you break.

so this person isn’t as good-looking as you hoped or imagined. or they’re not the type to show you off, and they’re not really the type that wants to be showed off either. so maybe someone made a joke at their expense and you laughed. the beauty of all of that is, despite all of that, they love you and will for a long time. isn’t that already more than we can ask for, as mere mortals?

PILE FOUR: YELLOW HALO

okay... there are two groups of people in this pile. let’s talk similarities first. your partner is going to be quite eccentric. visual arts came up in particular, so perhaps your partner will be an artist? the last similarity is that marriage is unlikely, but as for why, it depends on which interpretation resonates more with you.

for the first group, this is probably my lgbt+ in a place that hasn’t legalised marriages not between a man and a woman pile. for reasons that seem bigger than yourself, marriage is unlikely in your life. i feel a lot of unwelcome judgement coming from this group. i think you might not get too much support around you; maybe your parents have something against people who are not in “professional degree” jobs, or your family and environment as a whole is very conservative. regardless, you will be with this person, but it might be beyond both of your abilities to get married for real. :( i’m sorry, i wish the world were kinder.

if the first interpretation doesn’t resonate, then it has something more to do with your stubbornness. everyone wants someone that will take them for exactly who they are. that doesn’t change the fact that no two people are completely perfect for each other, though. every couple starts by taking apart their schedule and fitting the other’s in. tolerating strawberry shortcakes on their partner’s birthday even if they hate strawberries. stopping their work short even if it means that coming back to it will be hard because their partner needs something. advice here is to rethink your mindset. you could be very successful in your career, but if you think you won’t be able to go home to an empty bed, or you know that family is what you want in the future, then see how you can be more considerate to the people around you. we don’t always like to hear this, but being considerate and selfish is a never-ending balancing game, so don’t feel too bad. you’re not a bad person! these things just take time. whichever way you choose, i hope it’s the one that makes you the happiest!

[deliahscrush2003]

Is there anything you do when you don’t have motivation or ideas? Lately I’ve wanted to write more stuff on my characters, make more art, and work on my novel, however, anytime I start, I have no idea what to do. I tried looking at writing prompts, but the same things keep happening. It’s been happening for the past few days and it’s just been really demotivating and makes me feel just generally bad. So, if there’s any advice you have, I’d appreciate it so much <3

Sorry it took so long to answer @apollothe-sungod !!

Thank you dearly for this ask and I hope it really helps with your motivation/inspiration drought. I know all of us have faced that problem too many times for our liking and anything advice I can give that can get you back on the wagon, I'll happily give!

I hope you have a happy 2022 with heaps of inspiration and motivation for your works and wish nothing but good things for you and your loved ones in the future!

What To Do When You Have No Motivation and Need Inspiration?

Watch Movies or TV- Shows ||

If your struggling with motivation, re-watch canon (for fanfic) or stick with genres that are the same or similar to what you're writing (for more original ideas). If you are missing a certain aspect of the narrative, watch movies and tv-shows of that genre or with that theme.

If you're struggling with what your character's mannerisms, behaviour, dialogue - think. What canon characters in film and television are most alike to your character? Watch their films to get inspiration!

This is what I spend a lot of my down time doing when I'm not writing.

Read fanfiction/Books ||

Same thing as movies except books and fanfiction can show you how to describe action, suspense and worldbuilding. You can really get inspiration from others narrative style and techniques. Also, it just really helps when you see the motivation and the ideas of these fantastic creators and it just really pushes you and gets you into this mindset of like, "Hey - I want to do this with my own story."

I'll said it once and I'll say it again - fanfiction writers are one of my biggest influences for writing.

Go for a walk/drive/sit outside ||

I have the best ideas when I'm outside - which is ironic, because I hate leaving my house. Even just going with your parents to the grocery store or just sitting on your driveway, you can get so much ideas for scenes and possible stories.

There's this really dark, long lane near where I lived and we always had to wait facing it when we were stopped at the traffic lights and to this day, I remember the little story that I made up of 'Murder Lane' and the mysterious, charismatic people who lived down it.

Hell, we were driving out of our street once and I looked out the window and saw a small gecko (lizard) on an electrical box and I was just like 'Huh, wouldn't that we a weird scene starter?)

There's this hill near where I live that looks over the entire town and the beachfront, and when I used to pick my sister up from dance practice, I would always play INXS "Never Tear Us Apart" and now I have an entire prologue inspired from that one moment already planned out to the very last detail.

Just go somewhere new. Get outside. Sit on the driveway. The pavement. The road (if there isn't any cars, of course). Visit the river, or the forest at the back of your street. A hill, a valley, a meadow. Night, day, dawn, dusk, midday, morning.

Whenever. The point is - a chance in scenery can really do the trick.

Listen to music & Make a playlist ||

I would like to correct myself. I listen to music and make playlist when I'm not writing, and that's how I come up with most of my storylines/plotlines. I'm usually home alone, so I just put on Spotify and connect it to my speaker, and play my music really loudly to get it so it's feels like a movie.

I'm literally right now listening to "Hunger" by Ross Copperman and singing along while I write this (quite sloppily, I should add). I finished a new playlist for my Jurassic Park fic, The Chaos Theory yesterday and now I have really gotten a good grasp on how the romance plotline is going to go when before I had a really vague idea which really held me back from approaching the fic.

Music is such a big inspiration for writing. Most of the music on my a more savage narnia (than the one you left) playlist helped me picture ballroom scenes and helped me understand some of the emotional moments I plan for some of my characters to have.

I have found that asking other creators for their playlists and song inspiration have really widened my own range and taste of music, allowing me to get more inspiration from themes and genres outside of my comfort range, so asking others for their playlist might help.

But listening to music can also help with your drawing also. I was listening to my True Blue playlist while drawing my Pacific Rim OC, Indianna Taylor.

I'm working on a playlist for My Hero Academia fic, As the World Caves In if you're interested! Mind you, if you want to request playlists for different fandoms, I can certainly make them for you and anyone else who also struggles with inspiration/motivation?

Browse through Tumblr, Pinterest, Tik-Tok etc ||

If you have these social media platforms, they can be really good source material for aesthetic and little ideas that people like to see. Tik Tok has admittingly some amazing and underrated creators with super cool edits and artworks. Pinterest is a great source for aesthetics and creating your character's personality, attitudes, outfits, voice, behaviour and beliefs.

And you also have our very own Tumblr! Look through the tags of the fandom you're writing for and look at the latest news, artwork, headcannon and analysis of canon characters and plotline to get ideas on how you can approach your story/fic from a new angle!

Ask your friends, parents, siblings for ideas ||

Now, I know what you're thinking. What if my friends/parents/siblings aren't into fanfiction or OCs or stories. Well, you don't actually have to tell them what you're asking your questions for.

See, I used to play a game with my sisters when we went to the shopping centre late at night. It was a huge mall and it was mostly empty at night, so we would sit at the bottom and I would ask them, "Quick! Think! What would you do if the zombie apocalypse happened right now and one came right through that door!"

And we would sit there and come up with escape plans and stuff, and it would turn into a whole 'then after I steal a school bus, I'm going to this military base and than I'm going here after' and BAM! I got a half-decent story idea coming up.

Just asking hypothetical questions like 'what would you do in a zombie apocalypse' or 'how would you win the hunger games' or ' how would you go about in a horror movie' can help you understand how other people think and soon enough, their responses become the plotlines for side characters.

Fun Fact: most of the sibling characters in my fics like Seiren and Tora Blanche from my Agents of Fate fic (Fairy Tail) were actually inspired by my real-life sisters.

Also, a lot of the dialogue from the earlier chapters from my Teen Wolf fic Breathe for Me was inspired from stuff I heard my parents say (mostly my Dad because he's hilarious).

Sometime you get sick of hearing yourself over and over again, so go listen to someone else! Go look on reddit even, message your friends, ask your siblings/parents random questions, hell - feel free to drop a random hypothetical in my inbox for my own response!

Talk to other creators ||

Most importantly, talk to us!

Feel free to come to any of your close mutuals or anyone who has opened their ask box for your convenience as we are always up to talk about OCs, exchange tips and advice, help with inspiration and recommendations as well as helping to round and develop your OCs and plotlines if needed.

All the creators in the OC Community are very friendly and approachable in my experience but I understand that it can be a daunting and anxious experience to talk to new people, even on the internet.

So, to any OC creators, fanfiction writers, and original writers who are seeing this, please let us know by reblogging or commenting below if you are free to chat!

My inbox and my messages are always open to any and all if you want to talk OCs 😊

-

TAGLIST: @lokitrasho || @foxesandmagic || @wordspin-shares ||

[kiingocreative]

The Structure of Story is now available! Check it out on Amazon, via the link in our bio, or at https://kiingo.co/book

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Performance coach Tony Robbins says that the quality of our lives depends on the state we live in every moment of every day. That state, whether we’re happy, sad, frustrated or excited, depends on three things:

• Our physiology — the way we move our bodies, the way we breathe and what we do with our face.

• Our language — the words we use, whether spoken out loud or inside our own head, to describe our experiences.

• What we focus on — the things we see versus the things we block out or fail to notice.

Today, I want to zone in on that final piece, because what we focus on is key, and it will in turn affect the way you move your body and hold yourself, and the language you use. I see this play out so much around me in general, and in the writing community in particular.

At any given time, the things we focus on determine how we feel and what we make of a situation. And what we focus on, in turn, is governed by the questions we ask ourselves every moment of every day.

Take your writing journey for instance:

If someone leaves you a negative review, do you ask yourself whether this means you’re a failure and your work is a failure? Do you ask yourself how dare that person belittle your work with a bad review? Or do you ask yourself what you can learn from this? Could you ask yourself how good it is that this person was honest in their feedback, so that readers with similar tastes won’t buy your book—and therefore not spend money on a read they might otherwise dislike and rate negatively too?

See how different questions would illicit different points of focus, and therefore different states? Some are more conducive to a positive mindset, whilst others tend to nurture frustration.

‘Why’ Questions: The Endless Loop.

And so it goes that by asking lousy questions, we get lousy answers. Because our brain has this tendency of taking any request we give it and processing it, regardless of whether or not it’s good for us. It’ll scour through the recesses of our mind and go on and on until it finds an answer.

‘Why’ questions are the worst, because there’s often no clear answer, or more than one possible answer to them, and it sends our mind on a chase to find as many possible reasons, processing like a headless chicken, often going around in circles, leaving us ruminating.

Take our example again: What if you asked yourself ‘why is this person leaving me a bad review?’

Now unleash your brain on that one, and let it roll with it—you may get:

• Because they didn’t like the book.

• Because my book is terrible.

• And if my book is terrible, then that makes me a terrible writer.

• Maybe I should just stop writing.

• Who was I to think I could do this?

• I’m clearly not good enough.

• Or maybe they left a bad review because they’re an idiot and didn’t get the brilliance of my work.

• Clearly they’re a moron.

• Maybe I should track them down and tell them just that.

• Maybe I should rally everyone I know on Instagram to shame that dimwit for leaving that review.

• …

… this can go on, until it loops back to the top and starts again. Sounds familiar?

What kind of state do you think you’d be in from obsessing over those disempowering, angering questions, never able to get closure because the loop has no logical end?

Empowering Alternatives.

My own experience of asking myself lousy questions, and my interactions with others within the writing community, have left me convinced that writers need to start asking themselves more empowering questions.

Because the way we tend to ask questions to ourself—those that breed anger, and resentment, and self doubt—ultimately only bring us back to two fears that sit at the root of it all: the fear that we’re not good enough, and the fear that we won’t be loved (or appreciated, or liked). These fears can be crippling. And that can’t be good for anyone’s art anywhere.

I’m writing this today to give you some more empowering alternatives. Some that I have used along my journey and have helped me improve.

Here are four examples:

#1 — gearing up for success:

• Instead of: ‘Why are other writers so much more successful than I am?’

• Ask yourself: ‘What I can learn from other writers to become more successful myself?’

There’s a lot of comparison out there. We know we shouldn’t fall into the trap of it, but it’s easier said than done.

If you see fellow writers thriving with their writing, their social media strategy or their exposure, try modelling what they do that is working and find what, from that, works for you.

Better even, reach out to people and ask them for advice—most people will be more than happy to share, and it’s a great way to build a network!

#2 — boosting sales:

• Instead of: ‘Why am I not selling books?’

• Ask yourself: ‘What I can do to increase my book sales?’

It can be discouraging to have published something, and to see your sales figures stalling. If you start wallowing in self pity through disempowering ‘why’ questions, you’re bound to start spiralling.

Instead, make a list of what you could do to help your sales along.

Here are some ideas that come to mind:

• Seek out book clubs and put your book on their radar. See if they’d been interested in reading your book and having you for an author Q&A when they’re done reading the book.

• Look into running promotions on Amazon (like discounted eBooks).

• Go local! Reach out to your local community and spread the word (cafes, local bookshops and libraries, local Facebook groups and communities etc.) and give them a chance to support a local.

• Contact your old school or university and enquire about showcasing you and your book as an alumni success story.

• Build genuine connections with fellow writers, avid readers and book bloggers. These relationships are a fantastic way to increase your reach and spreading the word about your book—and as a result, improve sales.

• Offer to do a read and review swap with a fellow author, where you read and review each other’s book.

• And so on.

If you start asking your brain to think outside the box, it’ll do just that!

#3 — the writer’s life:

• Instead of: ‘Why can’t I be a full-time writer and have financial security from writing?’

• Ask yourself: 'How is my present occupation helping my writing?’

• …And then ask: 'What can I do to increase my revenue from writing?’

This is one topic that’s been crossing my mind a lot, and I suspect many of us out there have pondered it at one point or other. If asked the wrong way, this question can send you spiralling into a frustrated state.

I don’t write full-time at present, and I have had my moments of daydreaming hours away, wishing I could live off my craft. That never led to anything very productive.

What I have found helpful however has been to focus on what my day job enables me to do with my writing:

• It takes away the pressure of earning a full income from writing.

• It gives me time to write and experiment with my craft in different forms.

• It enables me to look into ways to monetise my writing at my own pace.

• And that’s made for much more exciting trains of thought!

#4 — social media guru:

• Instead of: ‘Why can’t I manage to grow my Instagram reach?’ Or ‘why is social media sapping my energy?’

• Ask yourself: ‘What can I do to create a healthier balance when it comes to promotion efforts?’

Social media is a tricky one. It has incredible benefits if leveraged the right way, and it’s an amazing tool to get yourself and your work out there. In fact, I recently wrote a piece on the immense value of joining Bookstagram for writers.

But it can also be a drain, because the mechanisms of social media are built on the principle of addiction. It’s literally designed to suck you in and make you crave more, and fear that you’re missing out and not doing enough.

To avoid falling into that vicious circle, I’ve found it much healthier to ask myself how I can find the right balance to achieve what I want with my social media presence whilst also keeping my sanity. What this ends up being will look different for different people. If you’re unsure where to start, think about what you find challenging about maintaining your social media account, then what you find helps with your peace of mind, and try to find a middle ground somewhere in between that meets your needs.

Ask and thou shalt get.

I’m a firm believer in our ability to manifest our reality—at least to some extent. If you focus on all the wrong things, then your reality will look challenging and bleak.

If you train yourself to look for constructive ways forward and to get yourself excited about making the journey smoother for yourself, then finding that sweet spot that works for you can be a fascinating journey.

And that all starts with asking the right questions. Finding the right point of focus. Writing can be a wonderful, yet at times confusing and challenging journey. So do yourself a favour: where possible, take away those mind blocks that stand in your way!

Different questions about your writing journey illicit different points of focus, and therefore different states. Some are more conducive to a positive mindset, whilst others tend to nurture frustration.

[aregnier21]

Gaining Inspiration

Inspiration can be hard to come by at times, but don't let that discourage you from creating amazing art.

Finding inspiration can be as easy as googling "famous artist" or "famous artworks" and scrolling through the images that pop up. Doing this can remind you of artists and artwork that you may have heard of in the past. It can also bring attention to artists and artwork that are unfamiliar but fascinating to you. Learning about new styles, techniques, and influencers can help rid the dreaded creative block that every artist fears.

Critique. Hear me out, I know what a lot of you are thinking, or at least feeling. Critique is hard, scary, and mean, except it's really not. It can be very beneficial to gain the incite of another person or multiple people on a piece that you are working on. Sometimes it is easy to get sucked into a piece, and this can make it hard to see it from multiple perspectives. It's similar to the idea of "taking a step back" from a piece to see how its developed. The people who are critiquing your work might suggest that you add a bit more color in one area or remove some linework in another. At first it might feel embarrassing that you didn't think of these changes earlier, or maybe you think the advice is just bad. However, that doesn't need to be the case. After reflecting on what has been suggested, it might lead to a breakthrough that amplifies your artwork to push it to the "finished" product you were looking for. In the end, just remember that the artwork is yours and no one else's, and you don't have to do anything that you don't want to.

Your working space can be the make or break of your creative inspiration and ambition. It is important that you surround yourself in a space that you feel comfortable in and influences creativity. This doesn't mean that you have to rent out a studio next to your local bakery in order to create this space for yourself. Find a space in your living area that you can devote something as small as a hard surface and wall space. You can hang artwork, doodles, and even random objects on the wall to give it a creative flow. Try to accumulate your most used art materials in this space such as a couple charcoal pencils, graphite pencils, an eraser or two, a sketchpad etc. This can vary based on your preferred medium. Don't make it too overwhelming by trying to fit all of your art supplies into this area, utilize storage containers, shoe boxes, bags etc. for the things that you don't find yourself using often. Having this space can help put yourself into a creative mindset and it may present itself in the art you create.

Tip of the Post

I know how hard creative block can be so I am here to try and help alleviate it a little with a drawing method that I have been using for years. The idea behind it is to get rid of the blank paper that can often be overwhelming. What you're going to do is slap some scribbles onto the blank sheet of paper.

Now that the blank page is gone, I will kind of look at the scribbles and see if I can envision anything in the scribbles. If this feels overwhelming you can erase some lines or add more. Depending on the person, it may also help to think of a general idea of what you want to draw and draw the scribbles in the general shape of what you are thinking of. Doing this can inspire characters and scenery that you might not have thought of when trying to create a new artwork. You can also use markers instead of scribbles. I found that it is easier to use markers that are a little dry so that the ink isn't too dark and can be drawn over easily.

Creative Block

Don't let creative block win! There are many simple steps that can be taken to overcome this block. You don't have to do every single step that I showed here either. Pick and choose what fits for you, and what works for one person might not work for another. The possibilities for creativity are endless if you simply open yourself up to receiving them.

[fiore-rosewood9]

♫FrUk :D

Thank you for the ask, I will send a few songs that remind me of fruk, a whole playlist if you may, not only one song. I also touch a few of triggering topics as I explain the nations's personalities and relationships with one another so I apologize in advance if I upset/trigger someone and will put my trigger here - Warning - mentions of abuse, alcoholism, s*exual trauma. Under the explanation there is a playlist of songs that make me think of Ukfr/Fruk, so if anyone gets upset you can feel free to skip my general headcanons about fruk/ukfr relationship dynamics. There are too many songs that make me think of different characters or ships but I collected the ones that make me think the most of them.

I know the original song is by Lady gaga but this version is too sweet and cheesy for me so I chose the rock cover by the group Halestorm since I prefer it, it sounds more genuine and rough and kinda makes me think of the dynamic that ukfr/fruk has, that some people present is as just the enemies to lovers trope or them just fighting which is.....simply unhealthy????? Fruk is much more than that and I wish people would stop seeing it as a two dimensional thing, yeah they do argue on a lot of things and it is not the healthiest dynamic however it does work in my mind because they stick through thin and thick and that requires effort and true love since a lot of people nowdays do not take time to know the other person, they just jump into marriage and have a few divorces and just argue over everything and then separate, fruk is an off and on thing where they break and make. This kind of dedication is hard to find in today's couples. I know they're fictional characters and no one really cares but I practice my psychology skills and my knowledge of people around me, and I sometimes see people with similar or almost the same characters as fictional characters, they may not have all of their hobbies but they do act the same way. And certain pairs, no offence, just make me want to gag my self due to history with bad and toxic fans but if I look at it subjectivly and never encountered mean fans from a certain ship, I would say that they ship simply doesn't work. No ship bashing but as far as I know, people with this kind of personality from this ship that I dislike, and get upset when seeing fan art of, simply just do not get along and had a hard time divorcing, it is not only unhealthy and unbalanced, it is downright abusive because both partners seek control and to have the upper hand and this is not...what romance is about???? It is about two people taking care of each other, understanding personal space and boundaries, lifting each other up and yeah, they will argue a lot, sometimes for small things, sometimes for bigger things, but generally the point of romantic relationships is not someone using you, or abusing you financially and generally being better or bigger than you. This breeds insecurity and jealousy in the other partner and makes them feel inadequate. Usually such problems are not talked over and one of the partners acts passive agressive which is what ultimaltly leads to said divorce. So yeah, people can go away with their (BUT IT IS CUTE, IT IS SO FUCKING CUTE) pairing because real life pairings and how humans communicate and develop friendships and relationships isn't based on what your mind conciders and doesn't concider cute and there are lots of factors on whether relationship will ever happen like common interests, type personality, etc and just block me so I will never hear from them and their childish mindset ever again, which is why I blocked certain tumbrl fan art hetalia accounts who produce art of a pairing I (dislike) lowkey hate, for historical reasons, for manga reasons, for toxic fans who bullied me and made me go on 3 hiatuses reason and ultimatly in real life experience and psychology and how humans and the human mind works and what is healthy and unhealthy reason. Why should I support something where certain people have been hateful towards me and these same people that act like these characters and I know in my life are on bad terms in real life? Why shouldn't I just move on to something more realistic and more healthy, that I have seen that works with humans I know first hand? I am not a clinical psychologist and I have no power or saying in this but I had to write thesis and read books by psycholgists and analyze them in high school and my first year of Uni, in order to pass the year and I have also read reccomended books by a psychologist I went to because I wanted an advice on how to deal with my anxiety and talking to people, because my condition is extremely severe but I honestly feel stuck and try to improve but also feel confused, I sometimes feel like I am not doing enough to

self improve as a human. I sometimes come off as too cold or overly bitter and angry without intending to, and it sucks.

Francis is a really manipulative person and Matthew picked up that from him while part of Alfred's agression doesn't only come from confidence in his own abilities but the fact that England him self is an overly agressive person and is very dominant or at least used to be for a very long time, now he is more mild to keep his gentleman persona but he does suffer from severe anger issues which he hides while Alfred is prone to breaking things and screaming, Arthur is more prone to being rude, sarcastic and generally mean before he loses it. Matthew and Francis do not engage in fight if they can avoid it which is why sometimes people call them cowardly I think? And Matthew is a bit prone to being a codependent people pleaser as far as I see and he seems to have severe anxiety issues. Francis albeit charismatic and beautiful, is deep down in his core lonely.

I think that part of his pervertedness, shocking people with his s*xual humour and all of this sex obsession comes from trauma in his childhood and dressing like a girl. I wouldn't explain what the trauma in question was since it is not canon but I do headcanon that he had s*xual trauma and it is partly why Hungary dressed like a guy. I don't know if this is legit, it is bias from reading too much japanese fan comics relating to hetalia or just general history of humans and how they treated consent and what is moral today, wasn't amoral or against the law a few centuries ago, but I have seen artists touch on it. I think both Arthur and Francis suffer from neglect and they weren't particularly good fathers, in fact no country is, the whole FACE family is dysfunctional and while I love all of them, I kinda pity them. I think Rome was a bit discriminatory mostly towards France and never towards his other children while Arthur had to constantly prove him self and was bullied by his brothers. While other nations have suffered from trauma too (I headcanon that Prussia was burnt on stake and people threw rocks at him due to his albinism and being left handed) something similar happened to Arthur, who I headcanon that he was burnt for being a witch and Francis went a few times through the guillotine, or Arthur still having a bullet scar on his arm from the American revolution or Francis having nightmares from that day where Jeanne was burnt and waking up in his own sweat. Arthur also must suffer from workholism and alcoholism, judging by how much he works and goes to pubs to drink. Everyone chooses their own poison and how to cope with life and many use unhealthy coping mechanisms, hell, even I used unhealthy coping mechanisms a lot in the past and I am not proud of them, in fact, I try to improve.

I can talk about their history and how it relates to their mental health and what scars they have for hours but I would bore you. You came for a song and I am probably boring you so I apologize for writting a lot of words, in advance. I basically think that fruk/ukfr is the ultimate ship for many reasons because they click, I do ship spuk/engita/asakiku and many other things but fruk/ukfr is kinda like butter and bread, it is a great combination. I never said it is 100 percent healthy, however their relationship makes psychological sense and their personalities click. I know people like to present arthur as this dumb tsundere man that blushes and says baka, or he is this garbage rat dad that no one likes or francis is presented or at least used to be this perverted sex machine that touched other countries inappropriatly or at least the 2012-2015 fans saw him this way and while he still has the reputation of a pervert, what many young people in the fandom see as disgusting, I just see as an overly lonely man that just happens to have high libido and copes with it by having casual sex and just has a sex humour, the same way some people have fart jokes humour or darker, more cursed humour, I am really glad that fans mostly left off this whole - Francis is a r**ist and will grope you, in the past, because honestly r**e is not joke and as a character he clearly understands consent and boundaries and I don't think someone like him would do such a thing. Also Greece and Turkey have even higher libido than him and sleep around more, yet he is the ''pervert'', I don't get it??????????? but fruk is just so much more than opposites attract, they have a lot in common so I can't say they're full opposites, no one is truly. I have heard people ask why does anyone ship fruk when it is just opposites attract/enemies to lovers trope and I am honestly confused, because that is extremely rough generalization to say the least, it is like saying - All men/women are the same, it is simply wrong/uncorrect. I think they ''married'' five times - The Treaty of Paris (1657) formed an alliance against Spain. The Anglo-French Alliance (1716–31) formed another alliance against Spain. The Anglo-French blockade of the Río de la Plata (1845-1850). The Anglo-French joint invasion of Qing Dynasty (1856–1860). And the last one which is their official marriage The Entente Cordiale (1904) fought together in both World Wars. As far as I remember Francis tried to marry Arthur but he refused and why he refused is up for subjective opinion but I must write a whole thesis on why Fruk/ukfr works so well and people are not here for that, they're here for the music and I will provide. I also always saw Francis as the more gentle and more submissive partner, I just love to see him drawn in frilly beautiful dresses with bows and stuff and Arthur as the more dominant, I mean as a country he was a powerhouse during the 1600s-1800s and used to be a punkrocker, usually rockers are mentally tough and that man is extremely cunning and witty so...people drawing him as this useless baka uwu overly feminine anorexic boy that looks more like a tween rather than a 23 year old guy just assasinated his character in my opinion and it disturbs me but I am just some awkward human on the internet and no one values my opinion anyway because this is the internet and many people nowdays love to have hot takes and try to gain followers through clickbait stuff which sometimes goes out of control and everything just seems more fake and shallow to me, the more old I get.Okay that was my silly rant no one asked about but I feel really passionate about hetalia and Fruk/Ukfr. Anyway, I apologize again for my long rant and going all over the place, please enjoy this playlist

PLAYLIST WITH SONGS THAT REMIND ME OF FRUK/UKFR

1 - Halestorm - Bad romance - rock cover https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ll4NJs3NBIU

2 - Queen - Somebody to love - lyrics https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zj69iA_goIk

3 - ABBA - Voulez vous - (I know everyone chooses Waterloo and while waterloo is a fruk theme, I think Voulez vous works too) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwcgMVXuBJc

4 - London beat - I've been thinking about you - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixBryyQSrD8

5 - Santana - Smooth - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Whgn_iE5uc

6 - George Michael - Careless whisper - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izGwDsrQ1eQ

7 - Robbie Williams - Feel - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iy4mXZN1Zzk

8 - Michael Buble - Feeling good - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Edwsf-8F3sI

9 - Edith Piaf - La vie en rose - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFzViYkZAz4

10 - Chopin - Marriage d'amour (Spring waltz) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFJ7kDva7JE

11 - Vanessa Carlton - A thousand miles - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERw2LuU6Jj8

[thewhitefluffyhat]

Thoughts on Karin’s Magical Girl Story

Another collection of thoughts and reactions, plus analyzing some small changes the NA translation made (similar to the translation comparison I did for Alina’s MGS a while back).

Starting off with not a change, but an interesting note: Karin and Alina’s club situation is rather strange.  Alina is the “outsider” from the Art Club, while Karin is part of the Manga Club.  The classroom they share, though, doesn’t appear to be the main space for either club.  I’d initially assumed that it was the room originally used for the Manga Club, but once Arc 2 updates these backgrounds...

It turns out this actually is an art classroom!  I guess the school just has two?

First major change: Just like in Alina’s MGS, they removed direct references to Karin and Alina’s ages.  The reference to Karin’s age at the start of the Magical Halloween Theater event was also changed.

(In JP here, Alina was said to have won a lot of different awards “for a 16 year old,” while Karin stated her age as 14 in the MHT event.)

Again, unsure of why the change, but it could be in order to fix the continuity issues. Because good lord, that continuity is snarled...

I think the order that makes the most sense is Karin MGS > Alina MGS > Magius forms > one year passes > MHT > Main Story Ch5 > Holy Alina’s MGS.  In theory, then Karin should be 13 and Alina should be 15 in their Magical Girl Stories and then 14 and 16 in the present, but as mentioned that’s contradicted by the start of Karin’s MGS in the original Japanese.

There’s also the weirdness around when/how Karin learned Alina was a magical girl, since Karin seems aware of it in MHT, yet it’s unclear if she knows in Holy Alina’s MGS.

… Anyway, stuff like this is why I gave up on constructing a coherent timeline for Magia Record.  There’s just too many continuity tangles.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

References to Karin being in her second year in middle school and the third years leaving – also changed.  Probably because it’s both an uncommon way to refer to grades in English, and also, once again, another continuity issue.  (If the third years left, why is Alina still there in one years’ time if she’s at least one grade ahead of Karin?)

Another change: some specifics in why Karin and Alina are in the same classroom together.  In JP, it’s not specified who made the deal to let Alina use the room.  If anything it seems like Karin is the one making a deal directly with Alina.

Which actually makes far more sense all around – why does “the school” care that Alina is giving informal lessons to some random kid?

And it makes more sense from Alina’s perspective too, in that it explains why she tolerates Karin constantly bothering her – putting up with Karin is explicitly the price she’s paying to Karin for using the space.

Oh boy, this.  Karin having this mindset is why it took me so long to really ship AliKari.  Because the dark undertone to “if only I improve, then surely Alina will treat me better” is that Karin is blaming herself when Alina is cruel to her.  And that can very easily slide into an abusive relationship - if you don’t consider it one already.

Alina treating Karin decently should not be dependent on Karin’s art skill.  Or anything else, for that matter.  Full stop.

(Tangent time, including some Arc 2 spoilers)

What ultimately made me come around to AliKari is some of the early Arc 2 stuff, where Karin starts thinking the reason Alina disappeared is because Alina is mad at Karin for not improving.  Karin’s explanation is spectacularly wrong, so I’m now more trusting that the game is implying that Karin’s mindset is going to change. That she’ll stop believing she’s at fault for Alina’s actions - and hopefully stand up to Alina too while she’s at it.

The other half of the equation is Alina, who as far as I can tell, is genuinely not interested in bullying Karin.  She certainly has every opportunity to do so – especially given how her teacher punishes Karin for Alina’s behavior – but Alina never takes advantage of it.  So while she is overly harsh and blunt about expressing her opinions to Karin, I don’t get the sense there is any manipulation underlying it.  Indeed, very unusually for Alina, we also never see her enjoying or fantasizing about Karin’s pain or distress.  She really, truly, just wants Karin to get better at art already!

Obviously, for any kind of relationship between the two to work, they would both need to undergo significant character development.  But that’s the draw of AliKari – while other characters have stagnated (sigh, RikaRen), Alina and Karin are still some of the most dynamic characters in the game. And in general, the direction has been that despite starting out in a bad place (like Karin’s mindset above), they’re growing to become very positive influences on each other.

(End tangent)

Enjoying the extra cliches thrown in here and there, and in general how they translated Karin’s dramatics by adding additional cheesy and on-theme descriptions.  Stuff like “dark and dreary night” or “cauldron of trouble” aren’t in the original Japanese, but they’re wonderfully in-character – honestly probably an improvement over the original!

Not a change, but more reminding myself that I really need to read Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne.  I’m like 97% sure that’s what’s being referenced here – the plot description and even the comments Karin makes about “Phantom Thief Kirin” In her later Magic unlock quotes are all a very close match.

Interestingly enough, I’ve heard KKJ mentioned as an earlier dark magical girl series that Madoka Magica rips off.  So it’s quite interesting to see it referenced again back in a PMMM property – I wonder which part of the creative team was responsible for this detail?

Hm, so, the subject and detail of Karin and Alina’s conversation in the middle differs between translations.  In JP, the subject is vague, so the fan translation has Alina going off on an extended metaphor comparing the history of art to the protagonist of Karin’s manga.  Meanwhile, in NA she just makes vague comments comparing her own growth as an artist.  

I think I prefer the former - Alina usually doesn’t like talking about herself, but she sure loves to ramble about art history.

The translation I can find for the metaphor Karin’s grandmother uses here in JP renders it “barely able to keep a business going” - so did Karin’s grandmother possibly own a business herself?  That’s a bit more interesting than just “struggled to make ends meet.”

Speaking of Karin’s grandmother, I really like her as a character.  Her relationship with Karin is really sweet - I mean, how often do you see a teenage girl and an older woman being fans of something together?  It happens in real life plenty of times, but it’s so rare to see this kind of interaction represented in fiction.

And it’s nice to see an example of mental illness being treated as just that – an illness.  I especially like that there’s consent to the cure – Grandma outright says she wishes to be cured, rather than Karin deciding as such on her own.  (As Karin is often wont to do…)

This is a fun illustration of how Alina has a very strong internal logic to her, but she’s really terrible at communicating it to other people.

Karin, naturally, takes Alina’s comment here as an exceptionally mean thing to say – it sounds like Alina is callously implying the thing Karin worked so hard on was so bad it wasn’t even worth Alina’s time to destroy, so she’s making Karin suffer even more in having to destroy it herself.

And the way Alina elaborates makes it quite clear that yes, she did mean to call Karin’s work garbage.  This isn’t Alina having difficulty with Japanese or English.

But while Alina’s sense of taste can be quite sadistic, I don’t think that’s what she was aiming for here.  Remember that Alina believes that “only the artist themselves has the right to destroy their work.”  So this is actually Alina acknowledging Karin’s work as art, and therefore only Karin has the right to rip it up.

And why rip it up?  Because whenever Alina finds her own work unsatisfactory, she destroys it.  Hence Alina’s question at the end of this little back-and-forth:

If Karin doesn’t want to rip up her manga, then according to Alina’s logic, that means she must be happy and satisfied with it.  But even Alina can tell that Karin is still unsatisfied and lying to herself, hence Alina’s frustration and confusion at Karin not destroying her work.

Another timeline note: Alina doesn’t lie, and even if she did, she doesn’t have a ring here.  So I think it’s pretty settled that Karin’s MGS takes place before Alina learned about magical girls.

Oh huh. In NA, Alina thinks she’ll be the one in trouble if Karin isn’t ready.  In the fan translation I’m used to, it seems like Alina is saying she’d just be mad herself… but I think NA has it right here.  (In the original JP, Alina is using the passive form of “get angry” without a subject.)

Both work, but the impression NA gives with both this change and the earlier one is that someone at the school is basically putting Alina in charge of supervising Karin.  Which… what the hell, Sakae Academy?

Going back a bit, Alina’s advice and its effect on Karin is interesting.  One of Karin’s flaws really is that she makes excuses for herself and only half-commits, so Alina pushing her to think about what she truly wants and work hard to get it was genuinely what Karin needed to hear at the time.

However, Alina is also an obsessive perfectionist that tends to push herself to very clearly unhealthy levels…

So it’s rather fitting that on following Alina’s advice, Karin ends up pushing herself into doing something very dangerous: insisting on fighting a witch alone even though Kaede tries to get her to retreat.  Karin is so determined she’s risking her life to fulfill her goal – something Alina would no doubt approve of.  But also a great illustration of why Alina and her advice is flawed too.

Which, come to think of it, is part of why Karin and Alina’s MGS actually form a nice pair of complementary short stories.  If you read them in chronological(?) / original JP release order, you first get to see how Alina helps Karin to grow as a person, and if you think hard about it, you can kind of see foreshadowing for Alina’s own issues.  Then in Alina’s MGS, you get confirmation of that foreshadowing about Alina, and furthermore, the payoff to Karin’s development with her now being the one to give Alina some hard-hitting advice.

[norcalbruja]

Things are not ideal for me right now

What’s up, so I had yet another argument with my mom today. I had to go lie down and vent about it to the spirits. I ended up begging them to find SOME way to get my writing off the ground, so I could move into my own place by the end of the year. Then I can finally be alone and not get constantly reminded by people that I'm bad at housework, and remembering stuff, and all those “regular people” things that my mom and sister are just fine with.

Because LUCKY ME, I live in California where a regular fucking 1-to-2-bedroom house can cost a million dollars or MORE now. And while writing and theater has never been easy, it’s been especially bad with the pandemic.

I wore myself out a couple years ago by trying to get my writing noticed the regular way with social-media, and eventually I quit posting much about my work because I barely got any readers AT ALL, let alone people who give me feedback like I kept begging them to. (GUESS HOW MAD I WAS when I found out that literally all of the “standard” marketing advice is bullshit. I spammed Tumblr and Twitter and Facebook for nothing, isn’t that great???)

So yeah, while I vastly advocate trying mundane options before asking the spirits for help, I don’t know how I can get a writing career or earn a million dollars the “mundane” way, especially not in these times.

Which led me, in my “desperate / enraged” double-whammy of a bad mindset, to go and ask Laho the moon-eater for help.

This is not the first time. I asked him in February because I was just fucking TIRED of being stuck at home and having my writing going nowhere, and how asking the other spirits just doesn’t seem to be working.

---

So for context: Laho the Moon-Eater is a dragon in Filipino / Tagalog mythology. He causes eclipses by coming out of the deep ocean and trying to eat the sun/moon. He actively dislikes when I call him a “god” because he insists that the anito/gods have to CARE ABOUT PEOPLE, regardless of power-level, and he is a DRAGON.

He acknowledges that dragons frequently overlap WITH gods, especially in Asian / Filipino mythology, but he told me that it’s a case-by-case thing and sometimes dragons just identify as Level 10 Nature-Spirits. Which is kind of trippy when Laho constantly takes human form and looks/acts almost like Dark Bakura, what with his long white hair, his deathly pale skin, and his dickish and blunt personality. He also has a glowing “aura” that none of the other anito seem to have, even the actual sun and moon deities. I think it's either “deep-sea bio-luminescence” or “side-effects from constantly trying to eat the sun/moon.”

And uh. That comparison to DARK Bakura is not an idle one, because for me, Laho is almost on Loki levels of "Engage With Heavy Caution.” Loki and I barely get along after several years of not being able to stand each other, and after one piece of advice from Loki that went So Damn Badly, he told me we can have a do-over later on. Laho is just damn unpredictable because sometimes he comes over to tell me about stuff, but sometimes he drags me out of my meditation without even asking “hey are you busy??? I found something cool!” first.

On the other hand, Laho is not a proper “Trickster” like Loki is, so he’s not trying to curse me or anything. That involves caring enough about one random, half-trained spirit-worker to like... intentionally damage her, and Laho Does Not Care About People.

Keep in mind that while I am NOT doing formal “magic / spellwork,” thank the gods, general consensus from the other spirits is “Do Not Try This At Home.” Fuck, now that I've calmed down, *I* don’t even like asking Laho for basic goals, but... I don’t know who else I can ask.

The rest of it is behind the “Read More” heading for heavy desperation, depression, and Not Safe For Work subjects.

---

So today after my latest argument with Mom, I went to my room to lie down and get a grip on my Seething Rage And Desperation, but as mentioned before, I just ended up begging the spirits, “GET ME OUT OF HERE, PLEASE. I JUST WANT A HOUSE AND AN ART CAREER. GET ME OUT OF HERE, PLEASE, I’M BEGGING YOU.”

And my attempts to calm down didn’t work so much that Spirit-Me’s heart just... split open from the stress, apparently. The last time that happened was when I was high as hell on a whole weed cookie, and I started thinking the world was going to end. (Long story short, that was Loki’s Extremely Bad Advice. Yes, the spirits remembered that. No, they were not happy that I was sober this time.)

So there’s Spirit-Me, screaming and bleeding all over the damn place while Odin and the other spirits are trying to 1) stitch me back up and 2) assure me that I’m not a TOTAL failure, but I was not in the space to listen, so once I was mostly-not-bleeding, I just ran off to the spirit-ocean and found Laho.

Generally when I’m desperate enough to ask Laho for help, I end up having sex with him as a trade.

Because, at risk of repeating myself, I’m broke. In a lot more ways than “money.” I’m say I’m a half-trained spirit-worker, but if you count FILIPINO spirit-work, it’s even less. I barely even speak Tagalog, so I wouldn’t know any spells or high-end offerings to give the spirits. I don’t know what the fuck else I can trade for help, besides having sex.

I don’t even have an altar to put offerings ON, because my mom’s place has a Catholic altar and I sure as hell won’t leave food meant for pagan spirits there. I share my regular food with the spirits, and then I eat it after a few minutes.

But like... remember how Spirit-Me’s heart just split open from stress, and how I was about to have sex, which is generally Very Strenuous in both worlds? Yeah, not only did my heart split back open, I’m pretty sure me and Laho didn’t do anything resembling “spiritual foreplay” either, because Spirit-Me started bleeding down there, too.

And it’s like, Laho is not a good role model for the MORAL side of “a crying woman is asking me for help and trying to have sex,” but the Filipino spirits are extremely open about sex by itself. Even Laho prides himself on having REALLY good sex if someone comes up to him for it, because humans and involved spirits are the ones who mess shit up with “feelings” and “consent” and “maybe this isn’t a good idea.”

But he knows that humans shouldn’t be leaking gallons of blood, so once that started, he stopped. And then he assured the extremely angry anito that he only knows why I’m bleeding from ONE place, but he didn’t expect that much, and the chest wound is not from him.

Spirit-Me was now slightly WORSE than when I started—my chest hurt and my downstairs half hurt, and while I was flailing in a pool of my own blood, and begging the spirits for a steady income and a basic house, my mouth started bleeding, so now Orifice #3 Is Leaking Too Much Red Stuff.

So, I needed Freyja AND Brighid to come fix it. Brighid says that my issues are manifesting as “spiritual ulcers.” Freyja has gently advised me that given the shit that happened today, I should avoid spirit-intercourse for the next few days and seriously take it easy for other types of sex.

And weirdly enough, once everyone cleared out to give me a break from the events, the Morrigan came up and told me that she loved me, and I could ask her for help if I wasn’t too tired. She also told me that she is the goddess of sovereignty, and I don’t ask her for nearly enough things. So... yeah, I asked her for help with getting an art career and buying my own house, so I could help fix the damn planet by the end of this year, 2021.

See, the Morrigan is my patron goddess and she has been extremely hands-off in the past few years. While she DOES relegate herself to “spiritual bodyguard for the squishy writer,” sometimes she comes up and tells me she loves me, unprompted. Especially when I’m... not in a good space AT ALL, like today.

I wonder if my soul is dying, or in a LOT of trouble. Honestly, I’m not surprised. I told the spirits a while back that my soul will die if I’m stuck in this rut for much longer, where I’m not a successful artist, and so I have to live with my family, who I can’t really get along with.

I'm not good at anything besides art. Either my head just doesn’t fucking work properly for most jobs, or random shit goes wrong with basic tasks, or I end up hating the job and wishing that I could just DO ART FOR A LIVING.

The only way I can see to fix things is get an art career and move into my own place, so I don’t bother anyone and they don’t have to deal with my weirdness. But HOW THE FUCK am I gonna find a million dollars for a basic house, when I can’t even get enough people to read my stuff???

And that, followers, is why I'm up at midnight after exhausting Spirit-World shenanigans.

[peachymess]

Any advice on how to deal with bad news or an undesirable outcome? Or just anticipating the worst? I've always sucked at handling that and I'm not dealing with the last chapter of SNK well. Any general tips for the future? 😔

Hi, anon. I’ll do my very best to give some advice, although it is not lost on me that it’s a bit of an ironic act, as I can be very slow to let go myself. But then again quick, it just depends.

And what it depends on, is emotion dependency.

If I have used something as a comping mechanism, connected something directly to my happiness or health, or otherwise feel like I need something in order to be ok, then... it’s hard to accept losing it. For instance, I can not stand change in my childhood home or mom and dad’s mountain cabin - and least of all grandma and grandpa’s country side cabin. Why? Because due to my depression, I feel like happy moments is hard to obtain. I know I’ve had many good moments in these places, and so I’m terrified of them altering so that they will no longer be able to produce the same happiness-inducing environment as in the past. (But guess what, there will always be happy moments; I am not dependent on having any given building/place accessible to me in order to obtain it).

What I’m trying to say is, the most important advice is this: don’t trick yourself into thinking your life or happiness makes or breaks depending on this or that thing. Bar the things you actually need, like meds and doctors and all that (I trust you to tell essential and non essential dependencies apart). I’ve made this very mistake. I put an ‘=‘ between “my ability to be happy/live” and “Armin surviving the story”. And at one point: “snk in general”. Try not to to give into that urge. This is a coping mechanism. When you need a solid thing to turn to, because happiness feels otherwise too elusive. In the future, try not to take the easy way out and bind yourself to something so concrete. Because when you do - when happiness begins to actually depend on something concrete never changing - you will at some point lose. Because everything solid eventually changes. Ends. Sours.

So begin to build trust in yourself. The goal is to know that even if everything around you crumbles, you will be ok in yourself. I’ve come to learn that this also applies to people. All friendships change over time. Some last a lifetime, others drift apart. Others might hurt you. And it’s natural to hurt from drifting or betrayal... But so long as you don’t lean your full weight on someone else, you will maintain your balance once a pillar crumbles. Just like older family will one day leave you and you’ll need to be secure enough in yourself to stand not having parents to run to forever.

... ok, that got bleak, I’ll shift gears. Anon, for the future, my advice would be to approach situations with the knowledge that very few things will actually break you. And even more: that no situation has a fixed way of being read. Take arriving too late at the bus stop, for instance. The bus is pulling back into traffic and you barrel after if, but it’s too late. In the dust, you stand there panting and cursing. It’s easy to get mad, say “day ruined” or worse “damn it, this is the third time I’ll be late for work, I’m getting fired”. But... the bus is lost, man. It’s done. It is something you can’t change now. So you have two options: either spend your good time pulling yourself down into the negative by cursing how much you hate what is. OR, you can acknowledge that this turn of events leaves you off somewhere, and utilize it the best you can. It’s the “when life gives you lemons” - only with dogshit. Yeah, it smells bad and I guess you could like... make it into compost or something. Or, anon, you can just walk away from it. Who said you had to take the shit?

Now that you have to wait for the bus anyways, might as well take the time waiting to listen to some more of a podcast you like, or reply to the emails you didn’t get to answer before running out the door. And what about the job? Well, firstly, it’s not a given yet that you lost it. But if you did - listen. This is where the “many ways to read a situation” comes in. Who decided this job was your only possible path? You. And falsely. “No, it’s the only job I could get, I can’t just sell the house and live in an RV for a year selling my art on Etsy”. Why not? That’s you deciding certain options to be a non-option. But the option is there. Do things come with work and sacrifice? Yes. Just like the job you had meant you had to live within physical reach of it. Every path takes you shaping to their requirements. And some things might seem daunting because it asks you to bend into a new shape than you’re used to. But look at all the different kinds of people and paths taken by people. Losing that bus today, was not a make or break of you having any path at all. It didn’t end your path. If it did anything at all (because who knows, maybe work didn’t even notice you came late or turns out there was a flood so they were closed anyways), and at most it just altered the path.

This is my stilted way of saying: when you realize just how non-essential most things are to your life - how you’ll always be ok as long as you keep going and looking for solutions - you’ll stop feeling doomed every time seemingly bad stuff happens.

“So you want me to be apathetic and care about nothing?” No. Not at all. I want you to love and enjoy the life around you. But I want you to be ok with it not lasting forever. Because when something ends, you don’t end. For you, their end, only alters your surrounding.

I don’t know if I’m making sense. And if I am, I’m still aware that “that’s just the way it is” is a hard pull to swallow. I know some situations are much, much harder to be ok with... and to that I say: yeah. I’m sorry about that. Some paths are harder than others. And some paths are only available to some and not all. But mindset is - simply is - your most important tool. You have the power to make any situation awful to you, or even good.

When bad shit happens to me, I have that essential steam blow of going through all the negatives, then I breath and look around for where to head next. I move on, because I realize no amount of moping will undo or alter the situation. It’s up to me to make something of the lemons/dogshit - or leavening it to find something else. Otherwise, I’m just standing still on the trail, crying next to a foul smelling shit for eternity. No thanks.

Another good trick I’ve found for when unlucky things alter the path, is this: I ask myself “what lesson can I take from this?” I even go as far as think “I guess this was meant to be a lesson for me”. I try to always find a way to grow from a situation, good or bad.

I don’t know... it’s taken a long while for me to live by this as well, anon, but I think the most important thing is just attitude. If you tell yourself: “I am able to grow from bad experiences and move on”, you will be more prone to do so, than if you say “this has ruined my life”. The event was the same, but the mindset shaped it.

So I ask you... even though it’s bitter, will you be able to heal from snk with time? Will you be able to move on and grow?

[uncloseted]

Hey, I’m a big fan of your blog! When I saw the post about stupid questions, I thought I’d ask for some help. This isn’t necessarily stupid, but I don’t know.

How can I seem more confident?

I am confident within myself, but people are always telling me how insecure I am. Everyone is saying that I should be more confident. I don’t feel insecure, so why do I seem that way? I can be kind of quiet, so maybe that’s why.

Thanks!  This isn’t a stupid question at all!  The thing I get asked the most is actually how to build self-confidence or to care less about what other people think.  For you, it seems like the issue isn’t actually in having self confidence, but in projecting self confidence.  Some of that is in body language- having good, open posture (no crossed arms or legs), making eye contact, standing firmly, and not fidgeting will help to convey confidence.  Some of it is in language- instead of hedging what you’re going to say will, “I think” or “maybe” or minimizing your feelings with “just”, try making clear, concise, and strong statements that end declaratively rather than questioningly.  And some of it is in actions- do you ask everyone around you what they think before you make a decision?  Do you defer to other people when a decision has to be made?  Do you do things that you’re interested in, wear things you want to wear, watch what you want to watch, etc., regardless of what your friends are doing?  You might appear more confident if you start asserting yourself or focusing less on what other people think of you.

Here are some other tips and tricks I’ve amassed for building self-confidence and not caring what other people think.  Some of it might be relevant for you and some of it might not, but hopefully someone who needs it will see it.

The first thing to remember about confidence is that people aren’t drawn to people because they’re beautiful, or smart, or kind, or fun, or interesting.  People are drawn to people who are confident (or appear to be confident).  If you’re confident and weird, you’re not weird, you’re a visionary.  If you’re confident and ugly, you’re not ugly, you’re “unconventionally beautiful” or a trendsetter.  If you’re confident and overly serious, you’re not boring, you’re a leader.  A lot of people think it’s the other way around- that only beautiful, smart, charming people who are well-liked can be confident- but it’s not true.  To use a Skins example, Tony’s not a good person.  He’s manipulative and cruel.  But people like him (at least in the beginning) and go along with what he says because he’s confident.  The same goes for Katie.  You can argue about whether she’s objectively the most attractive girl in the group, but she acts confident in herself and in her appearance, and it works. Lots of guys are attracted to her.  So that’s the first thing- don’t focus on changing yourself (physically or emotionally) in the hopes that you’ll be more confident.  Instead, focus on changing your mindset to that of a confident person.  It will make a huge difference.

Of course, that’s all easier said than done, and the process of building self confidence can take a while.  In the meantime, while you’re on the journey of actually becoming confident, one thing that can help is “faking it until you make it”.  When you’re going about your day, ask yourself, “how would a confident person who’s never experienced insecurity or anxiety handle this situation”?  Then do what a confident person would do.  If you have a really confident friend, it can help to imagine what they would do in a given situation and then do that.  Pretend everyone you meet already loves you and thinks you’re great.  Pretend like you think you’re great.  It will feel uncomfortable at first, but you’ll start getting used to it and the “confident” responses to things will start feeling normal.  One thing that can make this a little bit easier is to talk to yourself in the second person.  By saying things like “you’ve got this”, your brain will (sort of) feel like you’re receiving advice from somebody else, which is more motivating than getting advice from ourselves.

There are also some exercises you can use to build your self confidence on your own. Some of you have heard this one before, so bare with me, but the first thing I suggest is:  every morning, look at yourself in the mirror and say some things you like about yourself.  I know you probably feel like you can’t find any, but try.  Focus on those things that you like and try to only focus on those things.  Write them down, either physically (on a sticky note on your mirror, maybe) or in your phone.  Each day, try to add a new thing to the list.  When you’re out and about, remember those things that you like about yourself, focus on them, and try to draw attention to them.  When other people compliment you, add those to your list as well.  I think eventually by recognizing all of the things that you like about yourself, you’ll be able to feel like there are things about you that you can be confident in, and you won’t focus so much on the things that you feel are negative.  These don’t have to just be things that are physical.  You should include things you like about your personality as well.

A lot of people who are insecure use deprecating humor to cope and as a bid to get other people to like them.  But I think that can be really emotionally damaging.  Like Hannah Gadsby said in Nanette, “I have built a career out of self-deprecating humor, and I don’t want to do that anymore..do you understand what self-deprecation means when it comes from somebody who already exists in the margins? It’s not humility. It’s humiliation. I put myself down in order to speak, in order to seek permission to speak, and I simply will not do that anymore, not to myself or anybody who identifies with me.”  Self-deprecation impacts our self-esteem, and it impacts the way people around us view us.  The more times we say something, even as a joke, the more we start to believe it, and the more the people around us start to believe it.  So instead, make fun of yourself by pretending you’re really, really cocky.  If you trip and fall, instead of saying, “I’m such a disaster”, replace it with “I’m the epitome of grace and beauty”.  If you make a piece of art and you think it sucks, say, “Obviously I’m the next Di Vinci/Michelangelo/whatever.”  If you say something dumb, instead of saying, “I’m so stupid,” say, “I’m clearly the next Einstein.”  You still get to make a joke and diffuse any awkwardness the situation has, but you also get practice saying nice things about yourself.  And eventually, you’ll get so used to saying nice things about yourself as a joke that it won’t feel so weird to say those things about yourself in a serious way, too.

For those people who feel insecure about things they did in their past, try and think of something embarrassing one of your friends has done.  Can you think of anything?  The vast majority of people remember their own embarrassing moments really vividly, but don’t remember things other people have done at all.  Reminding yourself that you’re probably the only one who remembers or cares about the mistake you made can help you let go.  The mistakes you’ve made in the past are learning experiences that you’ve grown from and changed from, and the fact that you’re embarrassed by them is a good thing.  It means that you’re not that person anymore- that you’ve become someone better.  I think that’s something to celebrate instead of something to cringe at.  It can also help to talk to yourself as if you were a friend who’s remembering an embarrassing moment. Would you tell them how embarrassing that moment was and how much they suck?  Probably not.  You’d be nice to them and tell them things will be okay.  Talk to yourself like you would a friend.

The fact that people aren’t paying attention to what you’re doing doesn’t just apply to cringey things you did in your past.  People are unlikely to remember that one time you tried a new hairstyle or wore an unusual piece of clothing.  They’re unlikely to remember that one time you asked someone out and they rejected you.  So many of the social pressures we feel can be remedied by remembering that most people are way too worried about what they’re doing and how they appear to the world to care about what you’re doing.

One more piece of advice- stop comparing yourself to other people.  The old adage, “comparison is the thief of joy” is totally, scientifically proven to be true.  Comparing ourselves to other people (or to TV shows, movies, characters in books, etc) makes us much less happy because we’re comparing everything we know about ourselves, good and bad, with a curated version of this person.  We don’t see them when they wake up in the morning with crusty eyes and frizzy hair, or when they have the flu, or when they’re overwhelmed and anxious and lashing out at the people around them.  But the truth is that everyone, even the people you think have perfect lives that you see on social media, are just people.  They have bad habits and negative traits and days where they’re not at their best, just like the rest of us.  If you really want to start being confident, one of the best things you can do for yourself is to mute or unfollow the people who make you feel insecure online, and replace them with people who inspire you- artists or activists or cute videos of animals, whatever works.  You’ll never be able to feel good about yourself if you’re constantly tracking all the ways in which you feel you don’t measure up.  But you will if you’re constantly seeing all the ways in which you do.

Last thing. Basic life care stuff, like good posture, exercising, eating well, sleeping well, meditating, and just generally practicing self-care and taking care of yourself can improve your confidence as well.  If you’re not starting on a strong foundation, it’s hard to build anything that will last.  But if your foundation is solid, all of the things you do to build your self-confidence on top of that will be, too.

[monkberries]

Wait what's wrong with the AKOM How Do You Sleep episode? I remember it being fine but its been ages since i listened to it so if you've got any thoughts I'd love to hear them :)

Be aware, this is only about the first episode, not about the George-focused episode. If they resolve any of the issues I have with the first episode in the second episode, then I sincerely apologize.

First, there are some things they talk about that I agree with! Near the end of the episode, they discuss the dynamic between John and the people around him in a really insightful way, and in a way I’ve often thought about it; both John and the people around him were all kind of in this mindset of “oh, Paul rejected us? Well, we didn’t want him ANYWAY! So THERE!” They also discuss the fact that John was very easily manipulated, and nearly his entire support system (minus Ringo, and shame on them for not mentioning that) basically egged his anger and viciousness on. And they also play/read some interviews with John about the song and tangential subjects, and it’s always nice to hear primary sources.

However, much like their post about Lewisohn, I find a lot of this episode excessive, overtorqued, and generally far too exaggerated. They perceive an imbalance in narratives (which I do think is there, just not to the extent they say) and overcorrect, imho.

First, I want to get my opinion on the song itself out of the way: I listen to it a lot. It’s on my Fall 2020 playlist. I enjoy the musicality, the style; the mood it evokes is extremely strong to me. Sometimes it’s fun to indulge in feeling evil or mean without having to actually be evil or mean! Plus, I love playing it right before Jealous Guy, or Steel and Glass, or I Know (I Know), just to get that maximum John Lennon Mood Whiplash effect. I think George’s solo is vicious and perfect for the mood as well. However, the lyrics are pretty horrendous in terms of their effect on Paul and his feelings; they’re also horrendous in that they’re just not well-written lyrics. IMHO you can tell it was written by three different people all throwing insults at the wall to see what would stick and rhyme. Half of the digs don’t even make sense. “So Sgt. Pepper took you by surprise/You better see right through that mother’s eyes” Wut? “The one mistake you made was in your head” ??? The hell do these things even mean lmao

Anyway. Onto the episode itself.

Around 1 minute in, they say that there’s not a lot of check and balance in the Beatles fandom w/r/t this song, and that much of the fandom espouses that HDYS was “deserved” and “honest”. They reiterate this sentiment over in different ways throughout the episode, and I just do not see that kind of thing being a majority opinion in Beatles fandom spaces at all. Perhaps they are occupying different fandom spaces than I occupy (tumblr/Hey Dullblog/beatlebioreview), and it is true where they are? (In which case, my goodness, find some better blogs to follow, babes!) They talk about how they’ve never seen anyone pick it apart before, and that the discussion around it has not changed, that people have been saying Paul deserved it since it came out. Again, this is does not jive with my experience in the Beatles fandom.

From Shout!, a book with a well known anti-McCartney streak, published in 1981: “John’s Imagine album - despite the plea for universal peace and brotherhood in the title track - launched a thermo-nuclear strike back at Paul with ‘How Do You Sleep?’ a title suggesting crimes almost in the realm of first-degree murder. The McCartney references were unmistakable, and, often, cruelly unjust: ‘The freaks was right when they said you was dead... The only thing you done was Yesterday...’ There was even a two-fingered gesture of contempt for Paul’s new outdoor life with Linda on their Scottish farm.” Also, the RS review spends two paragraphs talking specifically about how heinous and unjustifiable HDYS is. You can definitely say that rock journalism takes some of the attitude of HDYS and runs with them, such as Paul’s music sounding like muzak - that sentiment certainly persisted. But I would argue that most of the shit journos are reacting to and buying into comes from Lennon Remembers primarily, where John says all the same crap and more, and worse, rather than HDYS itself, which they seem to balk at.

They make the claim as well that the Imagine LP has been elevated to some kind of untouchable, un-criticizeable status. In the years after his death, I think there is probably some truth to that, although again, untouchable is an extreme word. Even in 2003, the LP was number 80 on Rolling Stone’s top 500 albums of all time. However, it was 227 on NME’s list in 2013 and dropped to 223 on Rolling Stone’s new 2020 list, suggesting a waning in popularity over time and a willingness to look more objectively at the quality of it.

The thing that really bothered me about this episode is like... They talk about the need for nuanced discussion of the song, right? And that’s all fine and good, and I agree, nuance in any Beatles discussion is essential if you want to get close to any actual truth. However, they then go on to say, quite adamantly, that if you say the music of the song is good, even if you think the lyrics are awful, then they wouldn’t even bother having a conversation with you. It’s very “We want nuance! NO NOT LIKE THAT! YOU’RE DOING NUANCE WRONG!” Like, I’m sorry, the music is good, in my opinion! John is very good at evoking a mood! The fact that I think George’s solo is incredible, or that the keyboard riff gives me chills, or that I think the bass goes super hard, doesn’t mean I don’t understand how rough the lyrics are or the effect they had on Paul. In fact, imho, I think it’s important that we discuss how quality the music is because it underscores the calculated cruelty John exhibited. He worked hard on this song. He wanted to create a very specific feeling out of it, and he succeeded in spades. I think if it had been crappy musically, people would have been much more contemptuous of it than they already are. As I said earlier, some of the digs don’t even make sense; I think they’re bolstered and propped up specifically because the music underneath them is so good. Also, it’s not fucking wrong to enjoy a groove.

I also take some issue with them saying that HDYS was easily among the worst things John ever did. Like... equivalent or worse than going on anti-Semitic, homophobic rants? Yikes.

There are many instances in this episode where they will go “I often read things like...” or “Jean Jackets will say...” or “I see this a lot...” and then never actually talk about where they see these things or quote directly from them. One instance goes “I often read things like, ‘John Lennon is expressing years of pent-up resentment over creative differences’, as if John is some kind of, like, drunk art teacher doling out free advice to Paul on his music.” I’ve read a lot about HDYS and I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like that. Just about every discussion of the song I’ve seen says very clearly that it was an unjustified, deeply personal attack. I realize there is an aversion to publicly Naming Names when you’re calling out people who perpetuate a bad narrative. But I want to know where this stuff comes from. I want to actually see what it is they’re upset about.

Lastly, they talk near the end about music innovation and experimentation, and this is where I think things go much too far in overcorrecting a narrative. The well-known narrative for many years post breakup was that Paul was a boring square who wrote granny music. That is true; he was much maligned in the press about that. However, I think post-Hertsgaard, post-Revolution In The Head, post-Complete Recording Sessions, and post-Many Years From Now, that attitude has changed quite a bit. Most serious Beatles fans know now that Paul was the first one to really get into Avant-Garde stuff; most fans know about the fact that he made McCartney 1 basically alone in a homemade studio. Most fans have probably heard or at least heard of Temporary Secretary, lmao.

But it feels like these women are still living in the past where Paul was still being maligned for being a square, so instead they go way far to the other end and say “Paul was the musical innovator, not John.” And that is just flat out NOT true. They were BOTH musical innovators. The fact that Paul was the first to get into avant-garde art does not exclude John from also being incredibly innovative and experimental in his own way. Perhaps he wasn’t doing that on Imagine; they are right that Imagine is a collection of really good but fairly commercial songs. But they utterly discount the fact that he did Strawberry Fields Forever, and I Want You (She’s So Heavy), popularized backmasking, was one of the first if not the first to use amp feedback in a song in I Feel Fine, experimented with recording his voice differently with Tomorrow Never Knows and Revolution, and also the entirety of Plastic Ono Band!!! You don’t have to downplay or erase John’s experimental contributions to music in order to elevate Paul’s. You can elevate both of them. It’s fine.

Also, this is the episode where they say Lewisohn’s book is exactly the same as all the other Jean Jackets books except thicker, and I have a viscerally bad reaction to that for many reasons I have already outlined on this blog. Suffice to say, it is demonstrably untrue (not least because Lewisohn hasn’t published anything in his Tune In series that goes beyond 1962) and unfair to someone who has done an unbelievable amount of legwork to back up his writing. They also compare Lewisohn to Goldman (???????) and call them John and Yoko’s “fuckin bitch boys saying the same shit over and over again.” I have to imagine Goldman was a misspeak and she meant someone else, but still that jarred me lmfao