#in general the show kind of seems to not like openly tackling a lot of the things that make stolas problematic and i unfortunately

[sidestriker]

also, while i do incorporate SOME things about striker's portrayal in season 2 (notably that he's more irritable and snappish when he's not purposefully putting on the charm), i really don't LIKE that the only character in the show who's actually been shown to give much of a damn about the wider social structures in hell was suddenly portrayed as like a power-hungry overly-violent sadist (as opposed to his first introduction, where he's thrilled to take a shot at the goetia but not particularly OBSESSED with causing pain and making their lives miserable or doing anything beyond proving that imps can be just as strong as any other demon), so that's why you're not going to be seeing much of that from me at all.

[chuckwon]

Here's Why I Want A Chuck Won Plot For The Sequel

Not to go the off about this on a random Saturday night or anything, but I have not stopped internally vibrating since the SPNWIN finale because the potential for a Chuck Won sequel plot line feels so implied and therefore so close I can taste it. I know that there are several people who don't like it as an explanation for the ending of season 15, and/or several people who don't like the idea of it being used as a sequel plot in the future. So I would just like to talk about why I, personally, am passionate about wanting them to use this particular avenue to move forward.

I'll likely unavoidably repeat some of the things I've said before elsewhere but... fuck it, I'm in my feelings, I want to get this out. Rambling on or whatever.

For the sake of clarity, here's a reminder of the POV I'm writing from: A) that Chuck's victory is canonically what was deliberately written as the plot of season 15, B) that it's meant to be noticeable and pointed out as tragic, and C) that even if you argue about the semantics of the literal order of events in the plot that add up to that result, Chuck's victory in some fashion is still the byproduct of the story's final execution.

The thing that I feel can and does get lost in a lot of fandom discussions about this concept is... D) the fact that Chuck winning is an allegory for and commentary on censorship.

I will go back to that. Follow me here.

With SPNWIN as a whole and especially the season one finale, we have already gotten step one of something incredibly subversive: it culminated very loudly in making it clearly canonical that Dean is some semblance of trapped. He is not happy, he is not at peace, he is not done. These are things that many of us in fandom who have brains all already kind of knew and took for granted, because we understand this story and this character and so we understand that 15x20 was not a good ending. But when you step back, what SPNWIN just established is actually a Big Deal in comparison to the fake veneer of happiness that 15x20 was (supposedly) trying to sell to us–and that it did indeed effectively sell to a large number of casual viewers.

Now, here we have canon openly demonstrating that Dean's ending was not okay, in general or to him. Objectively that wasn’t necessarily the case previously with 15x20 alone, but now it is the case.

That is a how-the-turntables level of redefinition of 15x20 in canon. Those crazy bastards fucking did it. They gave Dean Winchester back his agency and had him tell us for 13 episodes that the finale was inarguably Bad, and then they showed his sad grieving self still pining for his happy ending and his angel. That's fucking wild!!! Oh my God!!!

Whew. Okay, anyway:

So SPNWIN has made it clear that The Finale Was Bad, that Dean still needs and wants his happy ending, and that he knows what that happy ending should look like–as demonstrated in this whole hall of mirrors show, through the healing/romance/hope/future we witness the cast of The Winchesters getting to have.

If they stick with that vibe moving forward (which they may not. Continuity could get tossed), to me it then wouldn't make sense if they tried to move forward with any kind of sequel plot or angle that tries to say "okay, now Dean really will Find Peace And Be Done In Heaven." Because they seem to have made it clear that Dean doesn't want that. He wants out! He is fucking around and finding out!

To me, the next logical question to tackle in the plot as part of getting Dean back in the game would be this:

Why did those bad things happen to Dean in the finale?

Look, they don't have to answer that question with a plot-driven reason, obviously. They can go with the (boring) angle of nihilism that's basically like "Yeah Dean died and it sucked, but shit happens and that’s part of free will. It was an unlucky situation :/ he should get another chance at life though!" Or they can absolutely do something totally wacky and out of left field to explain lmfao. (I mean, hell, the Akrida were out of left field and that was only lessened when they tied them back to Chuck.)

Orrrrr.

They could go with a plot that's SOMETHING along the lines of explaining how Dean’s death and the fracturing of their family feels like an injustice to him because it is, and that shit did not just Happen, and that it wasn’t just arbitrary bad luck but rather he didn’t get his happy ending because Something Else was going on pulling the strings at least a little bit.

In that sense, Chuck- / Jack-related fuckery feels like the next natural through-line to me. I'm aware I'm heavily biased, but I want them to go all in on that angle so badly, and the point of this post (yes, there is a point!) is that I want to tell you why I want that.

The strength in the potential of an explicit Chuck won storyline in a continuation–other than the fact that it would be damn good television–is that, if done correctly, it would explain why the ending of season 15 sucked in the first place. And it would explain it not only in-narrative but also out-of-narrative.

Chuck exists to act as allegory, and that's what has always made this concept so significant, subversive, and compelling. Chuck's function and purpose is to be an allegory for producers and/or network executives, and thus the function and purpose behind a Chuck won storyline is to reveal the controlling forces of those figures. And because Chuck is the personification of the Original Creator's intentions that the characters are trying to supersede and defy, the fact that at the end of season 15 they do not get to grow beyond those intentions–aka the fact that Chuck wins and they don't get their full freedom–is indicative of the fact that the characters were not "free" or allowed to defy the Original Creator's real-world intentions either.

The idea that Chuck won is not simply a fun view on why the finale sucks or a fun plot idea for the future. It's because Supernatural is a censored queer text and higher forces won largely because Destiel was not allowed to be explicitly reciprocal. A pillar of the argument is that there could be no happy ending without Destiel; reciprocal Destiel was not allowed, and so the characters had to lose.

That is still the state of canon right now. Chuck's victory is amongst the many threads season 15 left dangling to potentially pick up and play with moving forward, and they don't HAVE to pick that thread up and make it into a central plot for a continuation. But if they do... Man. If they do, it would open the ending of season 15 to further examination for anyone who cares enough to pay attention to it, and that would also open up commentary on the censorship that caused it in the first place.

Here's what I mean:

SPNWIN has left us in a place consistent with 15x19, seemingly further highlighting that something is wrong with Jack. That's huge. Whether that "something" is Chuck possessing him or–potentially more likely–that the God power Jack absorbed has corrupted him, the point is that Jack needs to be freed because Chuck's influence endures.

Making the Akrida into a Chuck fail safe has already leaned into that idea, in a way. Even if Chuck is "gone," his influence wasn't gone entirely. The characters were not fully and entirely free from Chuck's lasting effects on the universe that they inhabit.

But now with the destruction of the Akrida, those effects are supposedly gone. But what if they actually aren't gone completely? What if something is wrong with Jack? What could that mean for Dean's story specifically and the happy ending he still wants and needs?

Apply that to the allegory: if Chuck's power has possessed or corrupted Jack, then Chuck's enduring influence that the characters still have to wrestle with becomes about the enduring influence of industry censorship.

It's then about the insidiousness of the forces that make it difficult for writers to let their stories and characters grow out of what was originally meant for them, especially when those stories are not meant to be queer narratives and yet are molded to have queerness centralized. It's about saying... you (the writers + characters) thought you'd be able to get free but you couldn't; you thought you could write the happy ending but you still haven't gotten to. How have higher forces twisted and shaped things into something unrecognizable? How do you make it back from that and rid the story of that negative influence once and for all?

Hypothetically, examining what Chuck's enduring influence fucked up in the story would then have to examine what censorship fucked up in real life. If they have to break out and return to reality, what does that look like? What is revealed? Dean and Cas could not reunite because their love was real and threatened Chuck's enforced unreality. Dean died and Sam got an apple pie life because that was always part of the ending Chuck wanted to see. Jack was taken over and/or corrupted by God power as part of Chuck's plan because he was powerful enough to help unite them all as a family, which threatened the classic "brothers only" focus of Chuck's story. Chuck's power was still personified in Jack and influencing the outcomes and that's why all of this tragedy occurred. They have to reunite, break the cycle, heal their family, and save Jack while getting rid of that personified God power once and for all, releasing it back into their universe so that power is now in everyone/everything rather than concentrated in overseeing forces threatening their freedom.

And when Chuck is an allegory for the censoring forces in real life... for anyone who cares to engage their brain cells, this could then make it abundantly clear(er) that the end of season 15 was not simply ~bad writing~ or ~cowardice~. It would retroactively redeem, explain, and redefine Supernatural's original "ending" as a backed-into-a-corner narrative gamble embedded with the ability to shine light on the source of its problems, the hope that in the future the story could be continued, and the keys to give the characters justice especially in regards to the queer narrative.

You can look me in the eyes and tell me you don't think that would absolutely rock, but then I will have to simply agree to disagree with you.

Because I would very much like to fucking see it.

It is literally ALL RIGHT THERE. It's THERE, it's so close, and this story could reach its highest potential and make several lasting, impressive points in the cultural realm for anyone who gets their heads out of their ass and stops ridiculing it or stops layering their interest in it under 1000 levels of irony long enough to look at how special it is!!!

[shakes the table with my hands]

AAAAAAAA

Okay, sorry, I'm devolving. But in conclusion: I want this. And though the prequel seems to be hinting towards it (QUITE LOUDLY), there is of course absolutely zero guarantee that any mysterious future sequel would go in that direction for several reasons, let alone the fact that it's objectively a ballsy as hell approach to take.

I still want to write a very long meta about The Winchesters' overall themes and its Chuck won propaganda (lol), so uhhh I reserve the right to plagiarize myself in the future from this post for that purpose. But I had to get this specific thought out sooner rather than later because, to be honest, I am simply going bananas.

JENSEN ACKLES, GIVE ME ONE PHONE CALL WITH YOU LOCKED UNDER AN NDA. PLEASE. PERCEIVE THE VISION.

[shihalyfie]

The Kaiser wasn’t very good at being a villain (and that’s the point, actually)

Ken’s journey of redemption is generally well-documented overall, and it was explicit enough in the series that there’s only so much you really need to explain it, but due to the blurred boundary of what was supernatural influence from the Dark Seed and what was Ken’s own emotional problems wreaking havoc, it’s somewhat more difficult to bridge that gap between the Kaiser and Ken, and how they can be the same person.

The easiest way to understand it comes from both directions. One is that Ken, even in his normal element, is much more assertive than he’s often given credit for -- it’s just that the Kaiser is a (fragile) manifestation of that very carefully cultivated to channel that in all of the wrong directions. The other has to do with the fact that the Kaiser is actually really terrible at being a villain, and the persona itself is very fragile and difficult for him to maintain.

Rewatching the first half of 02 shows multiple indications that, for all he seemed to be the stereotype “evil genius”, Ken was forcing himself into the mold. He was never cut out for it from day one. Even from the beginning, Ken’s actual nature as a lonely and inherently kind eleven-year-old child was tearing apart at the Kaiser persona, and the fateful episode 21 was not so much a single turning point for him as much as it was the last straw in a series of things tumbling down for him.

Before we continue: While all of the meta on this blog is only possible thanks to support and input from a handful of friends (whose names will not be disclosed on account of privacy requests), this one in particular arose from a long and extensive discussion with said friends that I am extremely grateful for. As always, I hope I was able to convey your points well.

Well, firstly, it’s important to understand that, much like nearly any other character in this series, Ken’s surface demeanor is a bit deceptive. The Crest of Kindness has the original Japanese name of yasashisa (優しさ), which has a secondary meaning of “gentleness” (lost in translation, but still apparent with the bubble metaphor in 02 episode 23). That also ties into the secondary meaning of “kind” -- it’s not just about being naturally “soft”, but actively choosing to be gentle with others even when you’re theoretically capable of not doing so. (For those of you who have seen Appmon, the entire point of that series was about what it means to consciously and deliberately choose to be kind, and, in fact, quite a few parallels could be made between Ken and Haru...)

The contrast between Daisuke and Ken goes far beyond just the surface. Daisuke’s surface demeanor is abrasive, but he’s not actually very good at being assertive until push comes to shove, and he otherwise tends to bend easily to others or get overwhelmed; in contrast, Ken has a more polite demeanor and for the most part seems non-confrontational, but has much stronger control of his emotions and is more easily able to be assertive than Daisuke is. (Of course, both of them share the common point of being like-minded when it’s something that really matters, but Ken is much better at imposing his will and getting what he wants done before Daisuke ever gets to that point, which is what fuels the whole punchline of Daisuke and Ken’s Shopping Carol.)

So, the point is: Daisuke is kind out of instinct and just “naturally” being so, but Ken is kind because he consciously believes in treating others well and not causing conflict, and not causing pain to others.

That’s not to say that Ken’s behavior is out of suppression or anything! It’s not a case like Takeru, who’s trying to push complicated emotions down while pretending they’re not boiling under the surface, nor is he like Hikari, who’s compulsively pressing her emotions down out of a desire not to burden others. Rather, even as early as 02 episode 26, he’s very straightforward about what his issue is and what he thinks about it. Ken’s “shyness” during the latter half of 02 is largely due to shame and hesitation from not knowing the other 02 kids well, but as the series goes on and as we go into post-02 material, he indicates that he’s perfectly wiling to be vocal about what he thinks without necessarily fighting any compulsion to suppress it. For someone who claims he doesn’t know much about his own heart, he arguably seems to have the best grip on understanding himself compared to a lot of this cast!

So in essence, the main take-home here is that Ken is theoretically capable of being strong-willed and assertive, and is very good at choosing when he wants to be assertive and when he wants to hold back. And he likes seeing people get along, and he wants everyone to be happy, and he doesn’t like seeing people be hurt or hurting others, and under normal circumstances, Ken has very good control of his emotions for the most part and quite a lot of self-awareness. That’s why Ken is the one to get the unique designation of this Crest; everyone in this cast can be said to be generous and supportive of others in some form, but there’s a difference between being a “natural” doormat who defers to others by default (Daisuke being a very good indicator of how this kind of mentality has a flip side of lack of self-esteem and high insecurity, and Tamers’s Takato being a good indication of how “being deferential” doesn’t necessarily preclude you from having tendencies towards selfishness or cowardice), versus choosing to be kind by understanding everything and still being gentle out of a belief that it’s the right thing to do (again: see Shinkai Haru). And it’s why Wormmon says in the 02 episode 23 flashback that Ken’s kindness can be used against him; being “kind” in this way requires a lot of mental fortitude, strength, and guts, all of which are things that could easily be very bad things when applied in the wrong direction.

This means that all the Dark Seed really needed to do in order to turn him into the Kaiser...was make him lose grip on that self-control.

Actually, Ken says it himself in less-than-subtle words in Spring 2003:

…It was revenge. But who was this revenge against? Did I want to triumph over the ones who made fun of me? The ones who looked down on me and used me? But… In the end, it was revenge against myself. I couldn’t do anything but deny the kind of human being that I was.

So in other words, the Kaiser persona was, effectively, a self-loathing eleven-year-old boy throwing a massive tantrum. A lot of the Kaiser’s actions in the first half of 02 are honestly rather petty -- he’s basically upset at the kids spoiling his holiday in 02 episode 6, he attempts torturing Daisuke out of a petty grudge over a soccer sliding tackle in 02 episode 8, and everything to do with expanding his territory and eventually (hopefully?) becoming ruler of the Digital World is frankly very sloppy. For all he’s said to be a genius, his genius only seems to extend to book smarts, and his “tactical planning abilities” never really expand beyond that of a soccer field sort of affair; his way of locking down control on other things is basically just “brainwash it harder” or “whip it harder” and applying harder brute force instead of doing something in the long-term like, say, trying to rule with charisma and recruiting allies.

(Again, bringing Appmon back into this, seeing Cloud in action will give you a much better example of a charismatic human villain who’s actually competent at his job. Or, heck, you can even look back at Savers’s Kurata, who at least was savvy enough to pull strings with people in powerful positions. Or even the Kaiser’s predecessor Saiba Neo from V-Tamer, who may have been openly sadistic but still had the sense to align himself with background power. Really, compared to all of these folks, the Kaiser is downright pathetic.)

Remembering that Ken fell into the Kaiser persona partially as a desperate attempt to become a “perfect person” like Osamu, Ken “imitated” Osamu’s cruelty to him because he felt that was how he could improve himself to become a “strong” person better than him. But the irony here is that Osamu’s “cruelty” was something that he himself never liked, and mainly came from lashing out at Ken due to feeling like he had a lack of control over his own life. So Osamu was never happy in that position, and Ken, who is indirectly pointed out via the bubble metaphor to be even more fundamentally inclined towards gentleness, is probably even more miserable.

Because everything Ken does as the Kaiser is “unfocused lashing out at everyone”, the Kaiser has less control over his emotions than Ken normally would. Takeru manages to emotionally pin him to a corner by confronting him with enough assertion in 02 episode 19 (this is before he punches him), and correctly points out that the Kaiser isn’t capable of winning with words (i.e. ideologically) and resorts to violence as the first thing he can think of. You’d think that if the Kaiser were actually someone with the self-confidence to consider the other Chosen Children beneath him, he wouldn’t even bother giving them the time of day, but Takeru just happening to be a little assertive is enough to make him lose his composure and start falling apart, and a lot of his shaken “insects!” yelling comes from him seeming pretty desperate to cling onto that rather than being all that confident about his natural superiority over anyone. 02 episode 20 establishes that he’s getting himself in over his head by tampering with the powers of darkness he can’t control, and while, on a plot level, it means that he’s misjudged his own capabilities, on a metaphorical level, it corresponds to the fact that even Ken himself is incapable of getting himself out of the emotional abyss he’s in.

And on the flip side, one of the biggest “tells” that Ken is still miserable during all of this is 02 episode 9, where he’s seen ruminating on the “glory” he’s getting in the real world despite having just decided to leave it all behind. The episode prior, after all, had been called “The Digimon Kaiser’s Loneliness”. The media is using him like some kind of “hot topic”, his parents’ affection (in his mind) is shallow and based only on his achievements, and he has no friends (how much of a role Akiyama Ryou played in his childhood is unclear, but either way, he’s no longer around now). With no emotional support coming from any direction in the real world, he’s resorting to at least trying to have some “fun” in what he perceives to be a “game”, and yet he’s still not having fun at all.

If you look carefully at a lot of the Kaiser’s actions during the first half of the series, one thing you’ll notice is that there are multiple indications that he’s not quite up to par to being as sadistic as you’d think he’d be. Recalling that we learn in 02 episodes 20-21 that the Kaiser is under the impression that the Digital World is like a game that he can “reset” and the Digimon in it not real living beings, it has interesting implications of the fact that he’s actually very hesitant to physically harm other human beings -- he certainly likes emotionally toying with them, but even when he’s trying to take petty revenge on Daisuke in 02 episode 8, he goes out of his way to set up a trap with Bakemon to torture him rather than, well, actually using the kids as hostages. That’s a hell of a lot of work to do, but he instead uses this extremely roundabout way to get them out of the picture in a somewhat less harmful way, risking having them escape (which is exactly what happens).

And in 02 episode 19, when Takeru confronts him and he ends up whipping him, you can hear a slight “...gh?” in the Japanese audio for a split second right after that, meaning that the Kaiser is, for some reason, having a hard time dealing with the fact that he just hit Takeru, and he does a very poor job defending himself against Takeru punching him out despite ostensibly being trained in judo. (Seriously, if you watch the animation of the scene, he’s just lying there while Takeru repeatedly punches the hell out of him, because he’s so out of it.) Regarding the Digimon, he’s convinced himself that they’re not living beings, but regarding the human Chosen Children, who undeniably are, no matter how much he might look down on them, he has a suspiciously hard time harming them as much as he could...

On top of that, one interesting question that might come up to one rewatching the first half of 02 is the strange “contradiction” of why the Kaiser ostensibly seems to hate Wormmon so much, calling him an unworthy idea of a partner in 02 episodes 10 and 19, and yet does remarkably little to get Wormmon away from him or off his case (he hates Wormmon calling him “Ken-chan”, yet doesn’t really try very hard to stop him). He could have easily locked Wormmon away in a cage or something if he really wanted to -- actually, there’s the question, why doesn’t he slap an Evil Ring on him? Because in the end, Wormmon is the only emotional support he’s really getting, and so it’s likely he unconsciously doesn’t want to lose that. Recalling that Digimon are fundamentally linked to the inner self, the Kaiser rejecting Wormmon for being “weak” is analogous to Ken rejecting his own self for being “weak” and “not perfect” -- which means that the fact he still keeps Wormmon around is analogous to the fact that Ken hasn’t really been able to bring himself to completely let his fundamental nature go. And, hence, it’s why he gets so initially incensed at Wormmon’s “betrayal” at 02 episode 10 (and yet still keeps him around despite that), and is ultimately emotionally destroyed by his death in 02 episode 21.

Although, actually, if you look carefully at 02 episode 21, it’s not quite Wormmon’s death that necessarily does it -- the turning point where he sheds the Kaiser persona is right before that (and in case you have any doubts, the animation puts highlights in his eyes for the first time in the series right at that point). Wormmon’s death is the first major consequence of his actions that he has to deal with, but what actually brought Ken back to his senses was his own realization that Digimon are living beings, that his actions have had permanent effects this whole time, and that he can’t take back anything he’d done.

Remember that 02 is a series that is largely about moving on and accepting that you can’t change the past, and that you have to move forward regardless of that. Ken’s fall into sadism was only possible by driving him into extremely deep-seated denial -- he was already starting to face the potential reality of Digimon being real, existing beings in the real world an episode prior. He says, outright, in 02 episode 21, that part of the reason he came to the Digital World to do all of this was escapism -- and, presumably, under the idea that any mistake he made could be rolled back and redone, unlike Osamu’s death. But the Digital World is not a place you can reset like a game, Ken will have to live with the consequences of his actions again, and moreover, every single one of the actions he’d been convincing himself were relatively meaningless had caused severe and permanent harm, and the entire thing overwhelms him.

It’s also important to point out that this was probably where the Dark Seed had to work a lot of magic to get Ken to embrace this kind of denial so easily -- after all, it’s established in the final quarter of the series that it does have a tangible impact on personality and puts a damper on one’s ability to feel empathy. In the flashback in 02 episode 23, regardless of whether Ken considered the Digital World to be a “game” or “able to be reversed” or not, he clearly still didn’t care and treated those around him with proper kindness (even if he did consider it to be all of that, it probably wouldn’t have been entirely unlike how a lot of us have a hard time picking rude choices in video games). It’s a very complicated chain reaction of events that allowed this to be even possible, and it was so against his fundamental nature that once the denial broke and Ken reached his limit, he wasn’t able to do it anymore. The Chosen Children’s main role in 02 episode 21 was really just cleaning up the massive mess he’d made in the form of Chimeramon, but as far as the whole thing about the Kaiser’s persona completely falling apart and Ken being forced to confront his own self goes, that was pretty much all Ken and Wormmon, in a series of dominoes that had already been collapsing for episodes on end.

The following episodes have Ken treat the 02 team with a certain amount of detachment, and this is often construed by a handful of people as being reflective of Ken being standoffish of some sort. The fact that Daisuke and Ken are often promoted in franchise materials as “rivals” mainly due to them being in the “protagonist and right-hand-man” position such characters are in might tempt you to think that way, but they are most definitely not!! (Considering that even saying that Taichi and Yamato fit that mold is a bit questionable, and neither Ruki nor Jian quite fulfill the expectations of the role in regards to the genre-subverting Tamers, Frontier, which is explicitly said to be deliberately written to be conventional, is probably the first proper execution of this trope in the form of Takuya and Kouji.) Ken’s detachment from the group at this time in the series is something he actually gives the reason for quite directly: he believes it’s his fault and doesn’t want to burden them with what he considers to be his job, and in the end Daisuke ultimately breaks through to him and they become completely normal friends who get along. “Rival” what?

Ken is, at worst, distant during this point of the series, but he’s actually very straightforward about what he wants and intends to do; it’s just that he’s being a bit blunt about it because he’s still drowning in his shame and not sure how to approach them. (Also, consider the fact he was rather lacking in friends or a support group before all of this; he doesn’t have a lot of experience in socializing, either.) So he keeps everyone at arm’s length, and the reason he comes off as so standoffish is because he’s so assertive! He directly and bluntly makes some very strong remarks about how he believes everyone else shouldn’t be getting involved! Again, when left to his own devices and not being manipulated into by a supernatural evil seed into multiple levels of denial, Ken is very in control of what he wants and thinks, and is even very open about speaking his mind.

That’s even when they’re not good decisions, mind you. Ken starts off the climax of 02 episode 26 being very firm about wanting to suicidally throw himself into the reactor in order to stop it, and 02 episode 30 has him consider himself a burden to the team after the fallout with Iori and try to stay out of it despite them very badly needing his presence, which Daisuke (of all people!) rightfully calls him out for being childish about. But he also listens to reason very quickly and acknowledges the others’ point very easily, with Daisuke reminding him in 02 episode 26 that his suicidal recklessness is actually pretty self-centered and short-sighted of him, since it’ll prevent him from doing anything else to take responsibility for his actions going forward, and Miyako, uh, slapping him in 02 episode 30. (But he comes quietly right away as if acknowledging his own idiocy, and never holds it against her thereafter.)

Nevertheless, the point is: you can see that this kind of assertiveness is the same kind of assertiveness he had as the Kaiser, just channeled in a different direction and for a different purpose. But as the Kaiser, he was angrily lashing out at anything and everything and stepping on anything he could just so he could have a show of power; once he comes back to his senses, he reserves that force for it being something he consciously believes is the right thing to do (regardless of whether it’s actually the right thing to do or not).

Because of the fact Ken spends a lot of the last quarter of 02 suffering and parsing a lot of trauma, a lot of people have tended to pin him as constantly sad and being a soft crybaby, but that couldn’t be further from the truth! Despite all the emotional pain he goes through, Ken has a hell of a ton of strength through all of this -- he even flings a well-aimed quip at Oikawa in 02 episode 44 despite being in a completely helpless situation, and in 02 episode 45 he himself is the one who volunteers to open the gate to the Dark Ocean, despite knowing exactly what it entails. That takes a lot of guts, and all things considered, his recovery from being the Kaiser spans only four months and is altogether incredibly fast given what he went through -- it did not take long for him to regain his bearings and get himself back on track. Again, it’s the same kind of “assertiveness” and capacity for action that fuels what the Kaiser did, just better controlled and in a direction Ken knows he actually wants.

This is also why I tend to object to insinuations that Ken would be overly touchy about or traumatized by the mere discussion of him being the Kaiser in the aftermath of 02, because the series itself, multiple times, portrayed him as being very able to talk about his experiences bluntly and honestly, at worst maybe considering it a bit of an awkward topic. He has no problems admitting that it was a thing that happened, especially if it involves discussing it as part of taking responsibility or preventing further damage -- it’s just that he of course doesn’t enjoy it either, and is equally as open about the shame he feels as a result. All of the times Ken loses his composure in the latter half of 02 involve either physical pain being inflicted on him, or a lot more actively vicious invocation of his memories and insecurities, and even then he gets himself back on his feet with a rather prompt amount of speed. Poorly timed of a statement as it may have been, Miyako is not incorrect when she says in 02 episode 31 that he has a certain amount of natural resilience that he carried from being the Kaiser.

All the way back in 02 episode 9, shortly after it was revealed to the group that Ken was the Kaiser, Iori, Hikari, and Takeru all label Ken as someone who doesn’t look like someone who could do something so horrible, and Hikari even says that his smile looks “gentle” (note that this is yasashisou, a word derived from the same root word used for his Crest). So in other words, even all three of them were able to catch on to his actual nature betraying himself even during that awful period of time. It’s still poking through, all things considered.

But we as the audience know he’s putting on that face for the camera, and his eyes are still as dead-eyed as they are for the first half of the series, and when Miyako accidentally makes him laugh during the Christmas party in 02 episode 38, it’s very much framed as probably the first time Ken has been this genuinely happy in a long while. He was never able to be this happy even when “satisfying” himself by stepping on others as the Kaiser.

And that’s why it’s so extremely unlikely that Ken will ever be able to lapse back into the Kaiser persona after the events of 02, even with the Dark Seed technically still inside his neck. He wasn’t enjoying it anyway; the Kaiser persona wasn’t a habit that he fell into out of emotional suppression or even catharsis, but rather him forcing himself into a role he was never comfortable in to begin with. He was never truly satisfied with anything he was getting out of it, and moreover, it took the combination of supernatural influence and a hell of a lot of denial to allow it to get that far in the first place, because of how far against his fundamental nature that was.  (Again, for those of you who have seen Appmon: think about what it would take to get Haru to embrace sadism.) Even Osamu wasn’t enjoying being cold; being kind and living your life with positivity is a lot more fulfilling and fun, anyway.

In 02 episode 48, Ken describes the influence of the Seed as “horrible” in retrospect; even if it didn’t involve physical pain and exhaustion the way it did for the Dark Seed children, the entire experience sucked even back then. And while Ken theorizes about the Dark Seed’s influence being countered by the power of love earlier in the episode, when you look at the whole of 02, it’s not just his family’s love -- Ken now has the emotional support of his family, and Wormmon, and his newfound friends, and that’s giving him all of the fulfillment he wanted that putting on a front of sadism wasn’t giving him, and he doesn’t really need anything else anymore.

02 itself is very much about the fact that it’s not a bad thing to rely on the support of others to be happy; the Ken and Kaiser are undoubtedly the same person, but the latter’s existence requires a very specific lineup of events and factors to happen, and one of the massive parts behind that was a severe lack of emotional support or anyone who properly understood him. And by the end of the series, Ken has more than enough strength of heart to accept everything that’s happened and move on, and to stop reaching out to denial and clinging onto the past, and he has emotional support and understanding from a whole new group of friends that thoroughly understand everything he did and went through, and wholeheartedly accept and love him anyway.

He is never going to have a gaping hole in his life like that again.

[genesisrose74]

Christmas With the Karasuno Boys (HC’s)!!

Part 2: Kageyama, Hinata, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, Kinoshita, & Narita

Part 1 (Daichi, Suga, Asahi, Nishinoya, Tanaka, & Ennoshita) here!

A/n: Tumblr said my word count was too much so I’m splitting this bad boi up into two parts :p Enjoy!!

*****

Kageyama

This boy has a secret soft side for Christmas istg

He HATES showing it to other people on his team and shit

But holy bejeezus he is mesmerized by the holiday in every way possible

Lights, sweets, snow, just like,,, the general magic of December is the most awe-inspiring thing to him

Since he is still a sporty and pretty active mofo, you decided to fuel that on your holiday-themed date as Kags had noted that he’d never gone sledding before

Your jaw was on the FLOOR when he first told you because he would 10000% enjoy the hell out of it

And so you dragged him out to this popular sledding hill that you frequented as a child and taught him what to do

Not gonna lie, he was kind of nervous

“Well you’re experienced at it. I don’t wanna mess up”

🥺🥺🥺 bubby

“You won’t, Tobio! I can already tell you’re gonna be a sledding pro”

Feels a little better after that, but he asks you to help him out for his first run down the hill

He sits behind you with his arms secured snugly around your waist and his head nestled on top of your shoulder

Which would probably seem really funny to passerby because this boy is tol and intimidating in most other situations

As soon as the sled started down, Kags tightened his grip and made this cute little yelp of surprise

But you were laughing insanely hard at the combination of going really fast downhill whilst also having your boyfriend cling to you for dear life

And then when the sled stopped safely at the bottom he started to chuckle

FULL ON, GENUINE SOUND OF ENJOYMENT

That shit is rare

Y’all stayed at that hill for half the day because it was so fun

You got him a new, very high quality athletic roller for Christmas because his old one was just not cutting it anymore

And you also gave him this really cute bracelet with a volleyball, his jersey number, and a little strawberry milk set of charms attached to it

It matched this really pretty and subtle chain he’d bought for your birthday

His blueberry eyes got all wide with affection dfjdskfjsdk—

Got super blushy and couldn’t get a handle on his speech for a fat minute

He thinks you’re the coolest person ever no I do not take criticism

Geez you’re both adorable together, ideal “stoic boy becomes warmer during the holidays around his love” movie plot and I love it

Hinata

He is all in on Christmas. Not a chance this boy doesn’t get excited as hell

Will openly go into holiday mode as soon as November is over

Was secretly already listening to his Christmas playlist before then

He is one of the sweetest gift givers, that is FACTUAL

If you want something really badly, he will take notice and get it as your present immediately

He’ll also gift you an extra thing that’s handmade 🥺

Like some pastries that his mom helped him make, or a specially made basket of soaps with your favorite scents in it

It’s absolutely adorable and you cherish those ones especially

Is happy if you simply get him something; mans doesn’t care what it is

New practice volleyball? A brand new sweatshirt? Elated either way

You had seen an advertisement for a friendly match between Japan and Poland’s men’s volleyball teams, so you waited online on the ticket sales website until the minute it opened

Spoiler alert: you got some banger seats 😌✨

Shoyo may or may not have tackled you when he read the ticket details, letting out his excited giggle (you know the one)

“I can’t believe you got these, angel! You’re coming with me, right? You’ve gotta! Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

Gives you sweet little kisses between each individual ‘thank you’

“Of course I’ll go with you, Sho! I’m really glad you like it!”

He will give you the brightest smile of all time — that shit makes Christmas lights pale in comparison

“Have I told you how much I love you?”

RIGHT BACK AT YOU BBY

Hold his hands to warm up together when temperatures drop pls :)))

It’s become a weekly December tradition to watch a Christmas movie with Natsu at the Hinata household

She’ll sit in your lap while the three of you are cuddled under a blanket together, and Shoyo will lace his fingers with yours all discreetly

In conclusion, I am a sucker for holiday Hinata 🥺🥺🥺

Tsukishima

His room is decorated to the very minimum simply because his mom and brother had insisted on him being festive

You know those holiday instrumentals that are really calming and jazzy and stuff? Yeah, that’s the only Christmas music he will tolerate in his house

While he’s still got his usual icy demeanor, this blond bitch does get slightly less snippy with the Karasuno boys

Is always on the nose with getting you the exact thing you wanted for a present

Like,,, TO THE SMALLEST DETAIL

You don’t even have to bring that shit up beforehand, he just KNOWS

“Tsukki, how did you—?”

“It’s pretty obvious, with the way that one ad kept showing up on your phone.”

b r u h

How does he pay such good attention without even letting on??

As for his own present, you’ll usually get him two: one gag gift and one more serious gift

His dino plush collection size is partly due to the former’s contributions this time of year

Yes the dinos have names

You exchanged gifts on Christmas Eve with all the team (you made him go) and he saved your more serious one for last

It was a scarf that you’d gotten custom made, which had a Spotify code knitted into the fabric

Scanning the code opened the app to a playlist you’d created especially for him

He got pretty quiet when figuring it out and scrolling through the playlist

Would let out a certified Tsukki Nose Exhale™ when he came across certain songs

The more subdued reaction was expected because it’s Tsukishima

His little chuckles and warmer eyes were enough of a giveaway to tell you he very much enjoyed your gift

But on the walk home, he took the scarf and wrapped it around you both, and then brought his arm around your waist

“Thank you.”

You deadass almost combusted because it was so unexpected??

“You’re welcome. Merry Christmas, Kei”

Way to respond calm and collected 😌👍

But on the inside your body was in freak out mode

He wears the scarf all the time jdfsklfjdsk

Yamaguchi

Take the most tooth rotting fluff you could imagine

And then double that and put a fucking cherry on top

That’s the equivalent of what Christmas is like with Yama Yama

Y’all are like kids in a candy store — literally

For your Christmas dates it’s all about sweets and shared giggles, so frequent trips to the candy and baking isles of the grocery store is a must

Making gingerbread houses, peppermint tasting (mostly trying those different and wild ass candy cane flavors), you name it and it’s there

Stomach aches? I don’t know her

Yeah you do but they go away with enough butterfly kisses 🥰

Tadashi is exceptionally good at decorating gingerbread houses for whatever reason

He put a poll on his instagram between yours and his final products and he won by a landslide

It’s not like yours was necessarily bad, more like he’s just an icing master

You also might have eaten too many gumdrops which left your rooftop lacking in ✨spice✨

But it’s okay because Tadashi donated some of his leftovers to you

He’s such a sweetheart uwu

Please for the love of everything get him something heartfelt as his present

You know those long distance bracelets for couples?

Basically if your s/o taps the icon on the bracelet it’ll send a little vibration to the other person’s as a notice that you’re thinking about them

This boy seeks constant reassurance, and you love to give him his deserved love and validation, so it was the perfect present

It takes a second for him to figure out what it is, but after reading the directions and testing it out, the most adorable smile erupted on his face

And then since you already had yours on, he tapped the little icon again with a giggle

“Hey there”

It becomes common habit to tap it at least once every couple hours

GOD HE IS SO CUTE

He is just so soft this time of year, give him all the love and he will return it tenfold ☺️

Kinoshita

This boy is absolutely an awkward cutie and an avid romantic

Give him the cliches and he will eat em up, no doubt

It naturally gets more apparent around the holidays

He’ll take you on pretty winter walks, give you lots of little gifts (while blushing a hell of a lot), and is just a professional at stumbling upon some mistletoe

Wow wonder how it got there, Hisashi

He’s quite a bit more confident when simply alone with you than in a crowded space

And that definitely shows when he takes you out on a secluded sleigh ride around town

Yeah you heard me

A fuckin’ sleigh ride

Horses and blankets and everything

Don’t even ask how he managed to pull it off, because he loves watching the cogs turn in your head and simply will not give you a straight answer

Of course there’s the nice driver guy who’s there, but in the back alone Kinoshita’s confidence goes 📈📈

Lots of flirting, tons of skimmed touches and shared giggles throughout the ride

I legitimately simp really hard for him

Anyways it was a gorgeous ride through town and super fun

On Christmas Eve you both exchange gifts together and tbh whatever you got him will leave him happy and flustered regardless

But when he opens the wrapping paper to find an entire set of vintage VHS tapes, he’s stunned

He owns a VHS (actually canon!) and honestly loves it to death, and the fact that you’d get him tapes of pretty high quality for his collection meant a lot

Gosh he’s so underrated but a definite sweetheart, give him all the holiday love

Narita

Another underrated bby 🥺

He’s so chill and is pretty open to anything during the holidays, so long as he gets to spend ample time with you, his friends, and his family

Definitely more of an indoor person despite being accepting of most situations

Hence why you thought a cute little indoor winter picnic would be right up his alley

Which it absolutely was 😌✨ nice work

You’d made plans while in secret communications with his family members about the whole thing

He’d been pretty stressed lately with trying to handle his schoolwork, while also helping out others with theirs

Despite being a wonderful tutor, it was clearly becoming a bit overwhelming as he tried to grapple with so much at once

So when he came home one day to find a pristine house with you settled on a blanket in his living room, he was quite surprised

There’s a cheese plate, soda cans in a cute ice box, sandwiches, snacks, a presparked fireplace — you and his family went all out

Really adorable I cannot lie

“I thought you said you were going gift shopping today?”

“I might have maybe lied :P”

So he gives the sweetest little smile and sits across from you

Y’all stay there and talk for hours

After finally getting through everything previously laid out on the blanket spread, you slid him a little rectangular box that he looked at curiously

“Already? I haven’t wrapped yours yet!”

“Mine can wait a bit! Just open yours”

And so he does, and you watch with a face-splitting grin as he looks down in awe

You got tickets to see his favorite rock band in concert while they were on tour

He sprung onto you and pulled you into the tightest hug ever

“Holy shit you’re the best I love you so much how do you get even more loveable every day—!?!l”

It’s a jumble of words but you’re able to put it together and it makes you giggle

He deadass sprints upstairs to go get your gift and make sure that you feel as equally appreciated as he does

In simple words: wholesome holiday sweetness 🥰

[jaskiersvalley]

My Bounce A Coin Bingo card has a square for Immortals/Gods. There were so many plans and ideas for it (Old Guard AU was one of them). But sometimes the brain wants something else. Such as Jaskier unironically calling Vesemir ‘Baby’. So, using those infamous words, here we are.

All along, Geralt had known there was something not quite right about Jaskier. He flitted through the world with a naive wonder of sorts. Though that wasn’t quite right because as innocent as Jaskier could seem at times, he was also quick to anger and vicious. Geralt had dragged him away from enough brawls to know better. Even worse, each time he did it, Jaskier always thanked him.

“Thank you sweet pea” or “Dollface, you’re my hero” or, the worst “You’re such a wonderful pup”. They were all so diminutive and Geralt had no idea what to make of it. Jaskier was barely an adult by human standards, in Witcher terms he was basically a babe. As the years passed, Jaskier didn’t change much. He still blindly followed Geralt around, huffed and grumbled about how Witchers were treated. For some wild reason, he had made it his life mission to change humanity’s views. Not that Geralt thought he would succeed but that didn’t stop him from trying all the same. Starting with that stupid, catchy song.

“I think it’s about time I saw where you hole up each winter,” Jaskier announced one autumn. “And meet your fellow Witchers too.”

If anyone else spoke like that to Geralt, he would have left them in the dust. It was as close to parental that anyone ever got with him. Despite his bristling, he relented.

“This has changed so much since I was last in the region,” Jaskier said as they approached the mountains. To Geralt it didn’t look any different when compared to the last 3 or 4 decades. Though, when things got to his age, things did tend to blend into one and memories got a little fuzzier. Maybe he just hadn’t noticed more subtle shifts over time.

At Kaer Morhen Jaskier greeted Eskel with a hug, taking the witcher off guard. Lambert was a little more wily and sidestepped the arm while Aiden laughed behind him.

“Oh! Such diversity,” Jaskier cooed which made zero sense. “I thought it was just Wolves. It’s a struggle to remember. But I’m so excited that they found a way to expand on the gift.”

Lambert grumbled about it being a curse more than a gift but Aiden smacked him in the arm to shut him up. Not that it did much to distract Jaskier and he looked about to ask when Vesemir walked into the entrance hall.

“Baby!” Jaskier all but flung himself at the oldest Witcher. “You’re all grown up!”

Which was just disturbing to hear.

“You back again?” Vesemir asked, patting Jaskier on the back. “You said you’re going out to pick something up. That was almost 300 years ago.”

“Was it really?” Jaskier was wide eyed, a hand covering his mouth with a gasp. “I lost track. But what do you think of my current body?”

Arms out, he turned his back to Vesemir, showing off, striking a few poses.

“Geralt,” Eskel murmured from the corner of his mouth, “what the fuck?”

If only Geralt knew. He was as lost as the others and watching with wary confusion. The worst part was, Vesemir didn’t look all that surprised.

“You always knew how to pick a good one,” he was saying. “Though I got to say, your previous one held more appeal.”

Jaskier’s sly “you fox” was laughed off. “Look, boobs are great and all but I now have a prostate and that is so much more fun.”

Lambert and Aiden side eyed Geralt with a knowing look while Eskel stared at him openly. Resolutely, Geralt kept his eyes to the front.

“Dude,” Lambert whispered to Aiden, “I think Vesemir fucked Geralt’s boyfriend.”

“Oh come now, it was a different time and different body. Humans get so hung up on the body thing.”

Which was true, Geralt was very much hung up on the body thing. He could do with an explanation and why his bard was talking like he had a different body and knew Vesemir come 300 years back. His very human and very male bard.

There wasn’t a chance to quite ask. They were all herded into the dining hall where Jaskier settled next to Vesemir, sounding like he was catching up with an old friend. It was all going quite well until the incredulous “they what now?!” that Jaskier shrieked.

“They lost a page. Cobbled something together but it was excruciating,” Vesemir replied. “And lost meaning too. No longer guardians as promised but exterminators.”

It was the first time Geralt had seen Jaskier look livid and it genuinely scared him. Even the others looked a little uncomfortable as dark eyes moved over them.

“I thought things were a little skew-whiff but I’ve been fixing that. I should have stayed longer last time rather than just stick my head in for a winter.”

 Finally, Eskel had enough. “I’m sorry, what the hell is going on?”

What followed was a truly typical Jaskier story, involving a lot of detours, reminiscing about food he once ate or a lover he left behind through some creative means. But the general gist of it seemed to be that Jaskier was some sort of god.

“Only a minor one, mind you. But I’m still bigger than Valdo.”

“Wait, Valdo Marx. Your arch nemesis. He’s a god?” Geralt couldn’t quite get over it.

“He’s claimed ‘quality music’ as his domain. Sucks to be him because I’ve adopted ‘popular music’ and I am way more worshipped than he is. But aside from that, I’m also kind of a guardian to humanity. Like witchers were meant to be friends of humanity. I showed a group how to nurture and bring you into power. Would have thought there would be more of you.”

Except Lambert only heard that Jaskier was the one responsible for Witchers and he snarled. Not even Aiden tried to hold him back. For his part, Jaskier allowed himself to be tackled to the ground and have a dagger held to his throat.

“When you’re quite done,” he said, sounding bored.

It was Vesemir’s sharp bark of ‘Lambert’ that broke the moment. Gruffly, Lambert stepped back but he was still seething about Jaskier being a fucking sadist. When Vesemir quietly described how Witchers were made, Jaskier looked horrified and he looked at all the witchers at the table one by one.

“You all went through these horrors? My sweetlings, I am so sorry. That was never my intention.”

There wasn’t much Jaskier could do to change the past. But he could change the future.

“You were all made to help me guard humanity. You were meant to be cherished, born of love and treasured. I made you to be my equals, my friends. It seems that while waiting for you to mature, I have made some mistakes. Forgive me.”

If Geralt had thought Jaskier was dedicated to following him around and protecting him before, it was nothing to how he was when they left Kaer Morhen. Within a year, Jaskier was turned the tides and things got a little easier.

[rai-jin-andro-jin]

Intimacy: An Aromantic, Queer, Storyteller's Perspective on Raya and Namaari's Relationship in RatLD

Ok, I know people have lots of opinions about Raya and the Last Dragon. (Please go watch it if you're able to, it's fantastic.) I'm not here to step on any toes, nor am I here to deny that Disney has work to do on openly queer representation. But I wanted to give my opinion on the subject because I've already seen some thoughts flying, and I've got my own too.

Note: potential Raya and the Last Dragon spoilers ahead!

Now, I'm here for queer women. (I'm so here for queer women that I'm queer for them.) I love Raya's depth, design, and arc. I love Namaari's depth, design, and arc (and oh my god, her face shape). I love the way the narrative treated these warriors: like warriors! I could talk all day about how this movie is such a brilliant step toward treating women as people on screen.

But I'm here to talk about the queer aspects.

Any queer person watching that movie saw a couple of baby gays. Anyone saw the tension between Raya and Namaari as adults, their distrust for one another, but also their recollection of how close they once were, how close they could have been, how similar they actually are, but they both don't want to admit it for one reason or another. I think that tension is done beautifully.

I also want to take a second to remind everyone that romantic attraction is not necessary to make something queer.

Sure, maybe you could view their interactions as having romantic undertones. I don't think that's necessarily wrong, but I also don't think that the movie needed a romantic subplot to work. The subplot was platonic, even queerplatonic. The subplot was about Raya learning to realize how similar Namaari was to her, in all the uncomfortable ways Raya wasn't ready to admit. Raya wanted to remain focused inward; she wanted to protect her goal from destruction, she wanted to bring her Ba back. And she didn't want to trust anyone again. She didn't feel like she could, and she didn't want to try, especially not with Namaari.

And yet, during their interactions, there is a sense of intimacy. No doubt, over the six (6) years after the gem broke, Raya and Namaari have run into each other on several occasions. It seems like they still know each other well enough to banter mid battle. Raya knows Namaari well enough to be able to easily "push her buttons" and distract her. There is an intimacy here that strays easily into frienemy territory. It has the potential of being romantic. It also has the potential of not being romantic at all.

And, as someone on the aromantic spectrum, I want to reiterate that romantic queerness is not the only queerness. Aromantic affection, queerplatonic affection, allosexual aromantic affection — all of these are valid and real queer identities and queer expressions.

So, while I agree that "Disney is a coward" and that queer people deserve genuine, wholesome, and healthy representation in movies — I also want to emphasize that you can remove romanticism from the equation and still retain the queer narrative (or, what we the audience read as a queer narrative).

(I personally think there is nothing straight about these two characters, but I also respect the possibility that cultural norms and expectations can change how queerness manifests, or what is even considered queer. I'm a white person from the USA; the way I read or express queerness may not be the same as the way someone of Southeast Asian descent would read or express queerness. That topic in itself is worthy of an entirely different mega post. But that is very important to note.)

Furthermore, I want to add that while, again, seeing Disney explicitly tackle a queer relationship on screen would be so amazing, I also don't think this particular narrative had room for it.

Raya and the Last Dragon has a beautiful story filled with strong cultural tradition and Southeast Asian communal values. Love for one's community and family is especially important, as the writers have expressed, and this value was purposely woven into the narrative as a centerpiece.

Disney has a long history of making that centerpiece romantic love. Movies in general, Disney included, have a very long history of using romantic love as an easy subplot. It is such a common thing to do in the industry.

Stepping away from that norm is a breath of fresh air, in my opinion. And I'm not saying that because I'm aromantic and I "hate romance"—I don't, by the way, and I'll show you why.

I have written romance in fiction for a long-ass time. I love writing it. And in my (self-proclaimed) professional opinion, adding romance into Raya and the Last Dragon would have been really forced. I don't think the movie needed it. It would have been narratively unnecessary, and the catharsis we received regarding the mending of Raya and Namaari's relationship was more than enough. Any romance would have been extra, and, more importantly, would have been distracting from the actual main theme of the movie. Remember, the takeaway from this movie is communal trust: building bridges to unite families and communities of people. This narrative values familial and communal love first and foremost. (This is not to say that romantic love can't intersect with familial, communal, and platonic love, but I'm making the distinction here because the story writers intended to make this distinction, too.) Putting communal love first also does not devalue any romantic or queerplatonic love that might exist under that umbrella — but that's just it; communal love is the focus here, and I'm glad the writers made the decision to keep the focus of the narrative grounded and organized. It keeps the story from wandering off in too many directions and becoming confusing. It keeps us from having too many loose ends. And it keeps the runtime from being too long — or worse, it saves the narrative and all it's subplots from feeling cut short.

And here's where I jump into my main gripe. Yes, Raya and Namaari have chemistry. At the very least, when they met as kids, they formed a nice first bond: they had a lot in common, they related to each other on several things, and they had empathy for each other. That's a good foundation for a lot of things: friendship, queerplatonic relationships, romantic relationships, business partnerships... What I'm saying is, they had a good beginning. But it was just one day. And they were kids.

They were both kids who were vulnerable to the opinions and desires of the adults around them.

Namaari was influenced by her mother to betray Raya in order to gain the Dragon Gem (ultimately to give her people the prosperity they lacked). Before coming to Heart, Namaari likely saw Raya and the people of Heart like her mother/chief did: Heart was rich solely because they hoarded the magic of the Dragon Gem, and they would lie and say the Gem didn't give them prosperity only so they could continue to hoard the gem.

Raya was influenced by people in her village too, though we don't explicitly see those influences. When her father mentions that the other lands are on their way to Heart, Raya immediately believes they are coming with evil intent. When her father asks her what she knows about the other lands, Raya lists qualities about each land that portray them in a dangerous light. She views them explicitly as enemies and outsiders, people to fear and distrust in order to maintain her and Heart's safety and prosperity. Namaari included.

When Raya and Namaari meet, there is a lot going on under the surface of their interaction. Certainly, they are both kids; part of them likely has a natural urge to trust and connect with each other, as they eventually did that day! But clearly, especially for Namaari, there still exists a level of distrust and divide. Perhaps because Raya had the influence of her father, who encouraged her to see the other lands as friends rather than enemies, Raya's guard was lower than Namaari's. It's doubtful Namaari had that kind of influence, as her mother consistently displayed distrust for other lands, and focused more on the protection of Fang's people. Namaari clearly experienced quite a bit of internal conflict during the time before her betrayal of Raya, trying to balance her own desires for connection and friendship with her desire to please and protect Fang. Having a connection with Raya at all, especially a deeper connection (rather than a false pretense of connection), was likely not the intention of this subterfuge plan. Connecting with Raya likely felt good, but it also felt like a betrayal of Fang; a betrayal of Fang felt like a death sentence, especially since not obtaining the Gem would mean that Fang (according to Namaari's mother and the people of Fang) would likely perish. Namaari chose to resolve the conflict by returning to what was most familiar and comfortable: distrusting Heart for the good of Fang. For Namaari, it likely didn't dispel the discomfort of knowing that she betrayed a friend, someone who felt so close and genuine, someone who was just as obsessed with dragons as she was (which seems like it was rare for Namaari, and thus valuable). But her choice to betray Raya did, in Namaari's mind, save Fang, a strong value instilled in her from birth.

The betrayal hurts Raya a lot more openly. She sees Namaari firstly as a potential friend, a connection. Raya was taught by her father to value connection with others more than preemptively distrusting them in order to protect herself. This is likely why we see their interactions mostly from Raya's perspective. Namaari's behavior is very conflicted in intention, bouncing back and forth between deception and genuine connection, and trying to balance those two in a way that remains faithful to Fang and herself. Raya, on the other hand, is fully genuine for this interaction, save for maybe a couple moments of brief, minor hesitation. But, that hesitation is short-lived and the desire for friendship ultimately wins over for Raya. She fully trusts Namaari (to the level that she is able to, given that they just met that day), up to the moment the betrayal occurs. She is blindsided, and in response, she also returns to the comfort of her original views (before her father tried to teach her to trust the other lands). This decision to abandon the friendship is not comfortable at all for Raya; it is forced. She must do it to protect not only her land, but ostensibly the world. She is fighting between protecting her "clan" and protecting outsiders. She is struggling to view other lands as part of her clan/community, and Namaari's betrayal only solidifies Raya's eventual choice to mistrust others completely. Once her father dies, so does Raya's trust. To her, (misplaced) trust caused the downfall of the world, and more importantly, the death of her Ba. And to her, that betrayal is embodied and personified by Namaari. Namaari becomes a scapegoat and a punching bag for all that went wrong with the world, and this is a consistent mindset Raya has throughout the movie, until it is openly challenged by Namaari during the climax. Raya is comfortable in an "us versus them" mindset; it rids her of blame and responsibility for her actions, her role in problems. She, like Namaari, chooses to believe that everyone else is to blame for her downfall, while excluding herself entirely from that equation.

It goes without saying that these characters are well-written. Their emotions, motivations, and actions are complex and whole. I could (clearly) write analysis for days about these two. But here's my point.

Romance is only a potential part of their relationship at the start, no more. It is budding at best, and not fully realized or invoked. It is not ever made explicit or agreed upon. And the foundations of trust between these two, for a massive portion of the movie, are severely damaged. Any intimacy they had as children is put on hold, if not destroyed. They only trust each other as far as their blades reach, and as much as they've crossed paths during the six (6) year time-jump (enough to banter, manipulate each other, and predict each other's strategies to a degree), and and no further than that. Where they left off, they still have a connection, even while they don't trust each other with their deepest values. This foundation is clearly not enough for either of them to warrant a more intimate relationship, be it in the shade of romantic, queerplatonic, sexual, sensual, or otherwise. If it was enough, they would have done so already. Their closest intimacy is for the purpose of evading each other's attacks and maneuvers in order to get the upperhand. Their main goals are not each other, even though they both likely desire deeper connection, like they once had as kids. That childhood connection was genuine; no one is arguing otherwise.

But, by the climax of the movie, these two are not in a position of full, deep trust and connection. At the climax of the movie, when the Gem has finally been restored, their relationship is effectively back at the beginning, right where they left off as kids: budding and new, unsure yet hopeful, and with initial chemistry. That may read as potential romance, potential queerplatonics, potential you-name-it. But it is still potential, not active, not existent in the moment. They still have work to do in terms of building a deep relationship. Trust is a first step — one of many, many more steps. They're still working on the friendship and trust by the end — they just reunited as peoples from different lands, and as old ex-friends. They're relearning to see other lands as friends and not enemies, and that includes the way they see each other. They've come a long way, no doubt, and they still have a long way to go before they're remotely deep friends with established trust. They're effectively rebuilding that damaged trust by the end of the movie.

I mean, seriously. Expecting a full on romantic relationship, or even the explicit beginning of one is a massive stretch. Like, did you watch the movie? They have a lot of things to work through and talk about together! I don't care that they worked together and sacrificed themselves to save the world together. That's step one. Step one going well does not equal the kind of deep intimacy seen in romantic, queerplatonic, or deep platonic relationships, especially not the kind of romance that some audience members expressed they wanted to see from the movie. Did we forget that a genuine, hurtful betrayal happened? Did we forget that a betrayal happened very early on in the relationship? That sort of behavior doesn't scream "healthy relationship," and Raya and Namaari's subsequent reactions to said betrayal and following said event don't scream "consent to intimacy." Like, sure, they were both kids when it happened, especially Namaari, who was partially manipulated into that betrayal. But being young doesn't dilute or negate any of the very real trauma and pain felt by either of them, nor does it take away autonomy and responsibility for actions. She may have been manipulated and taught an incomplete view of the world, but Namaari also made that choice to betray Raya herself, no matter how mis- or un-informed she was about the world at the time. She still made a decision that hurt Raya, and in the process a lot of others. That can't be glossed over if we're talking about the formation of genuinely deep bonds. If the movie had made Raya and Namaari explicitly a couple of any kind, I strongly believe that any romantic, queerplatonic, or any other type of intimate social behavior would have made their relationship and conflict-resolution come across as forced, rushed, inauthentic, and unearned. Gestures of romantic intimacy especially tend to imply (in narratives that want to portray a healthy romantic relationship) a sense of depth, bond, and trust that is developed over long periods of time, marked by continuous and explicit efforts toward mutual trust. Raya and Namaari might have cultivated genuine trust for each other, but they lack a history of that trust that would realistically allow for a believable and genuine romantic/queerplatonic relationship at the level of harmony most "romance-lacking" audience-complaints demand. Raya and Namaari are not at that point yet. Rushing them there doesn't make that bond authentic, nor does it create healthy and realistic queer representation, much less healthy romantic/queerplatonic/intimate representation in general. Furthermore, rushing that sort of thing on-screen and portraying it as perfectly healthy perpetuates pre-existing, unrealistic, and unhealthy ideals of romance, human intimacy in general, and amatonormativity. Preliminary trust is not enough to give someone access to you in totality. We shouldn't portray that idea to kids, and this movie is careful not to. Trust is an ongoing process, and teaching kids that intimacy is developed over time and through consistent respect and communication is paramount. I seriously wish this movie had existed when I was a kid. I wish I had learned what this movie teaches. Romance isn't the answer to everything; it's not the highest form of love; and it's not the highest form of queer representation either. The highest form of love is the kind that is genuine and realistic and respectful.

Plus, on the subject of amatonormativity, I want to restress that queerness is not defined by romance. No one is made queer by their queer relationships, or even their visibly queer relationships. No one is suddenly not queer when they're single. Raya and Namaari can still be queer representation without ever having a romantic, sexual, or even queerplatonic relationship. Does Disney still have a record of cisheteronormative-flavored cowardice towards positively portraying explicitly queer people on screen? Absolutely. But I also don't think the answer to cisheteronormative amatonormativity is queer amatonormativity. Queer people are still queer, regardless of their relationship status, and especially regardless of their romantic orientation. Queer people are queer by virtue of existing.

TL;DR:

This should be more than clear: I'm of the strong opinion that both Raya and Namaari are queer. I don't think any of my regular readership will disagree. But forcing a romance (or any sort of deeper, unearned intimacy) onto this particular relationship and narrative only has the capacity to muddy and ruin this valuable and beautiful storyline and it's themes. Such a careless choice perpetuates some very harmful and prejudiced cultural norms regarding love and it's expression, and such a choice runs the risk of directly teaching children to view the world — to view their relationships — in a limiting, destructive, and isolating way.

I wouldn't change any part of the way this movie portrays Raya and Namaari's relationship. Every ounce of their interactions: from their words to their body language, facial expressions to actions, motivations to desires, conflict to resolution — they all make sense and are fully earned in this movie.

Yes, they'd look super cute together. Yes, it would likely be super cathartic for my gay little heart to see them kiss. Yes, they have the chemistry and potential for really meaningful and fulfilling growth and intimacy down the line. That is kind of the entire message of of the movie: potential; growth seen as a process made up of steps, the first being the catalyst towards making that potential a reality.

Raya and Namaari are a queer-coded microcosm for the rest of their world. They are one of many microcosms teaching a lesson about the importance of valuing and developing communal, cross-border trust.

Please stop yelling at Disney to make them kiss. They're together in a way that matters just as much, and they're together in a way that, for once, doesn't make romance the highest and truest form of intimacy. Write your fanfiction, enjoy them as a pairing, write letters to Disney and tell them we deserve explicit and normalized queer representation (because we do). Do what you wish, and do what makes you happy! Enjoy your queer pairings! I encourage you! I implore you!

But please, please, please don't discount the importance, validity, and power of the connection they do have. This connection is no less intimate and no less important than romance, sex, or anything else. They don't need romance to be queer, and they don't need any label at all to be a beautiful, realistic, and healthy portrayal of human relationships, queer or not.

And for the record, they are very, very gay, and nobody, not even Disney, can change my mind.

[ilovejevsjeans]

The mental health revolution changing F1 for the better

Formula 1 drivers are superheroes. They always have been, and always will be, pushing themselves and their cars to the limit week after week.

But it is often forgotten that F1 drivers are also human beings. They face emotions and challenges like the rest of us, yet do so amid the pressures of one of the most exclusive and competitive sporting series in the world.

As mental health has become more of a talking point for society as a whole in recent years, its place within racing is also coming more and more into the spotlight.

The pinnacle of motorsport has tended to operate as an environment where, if you're not up to the job, you'll be replaced. The stigma surrounding mental health means that opening up can be seen as a sign of weakness, which for drivers is not something they are often willing to show for fear of it being used to their rivals' advantage.

"Even if you have them, I would never say so," says Max Verstappen. "Why would you say your weakness, even if you have one? Why would you explain that? No, I would never say those kind of things."

But some of Verstappen's peers have been trying to change things. Daniel Ricciardo has been part of a mental health campaign within Renault, and explained the importance of having a close core group to be able to talk to, relieving some of the pressures of F1.

"You sometimes might keep things close to you, you think it might be showing some weakness or whatever," Ricciardo says. "For me, trying to stay positive and all that stuff, it's really about the people I choose to have around me, close friends or family or whatever that you can bounce things off and talk openly.

"I put a lot of trust in people. I think it's quite easy for me to talk to someone and be open. I don't seem to bottle a whole lot up. But you need that outlet.

"Motorsport, for the most part, is a male-dominated sport. There's a lot of ego and pride, and not everyone always feels OK opening up and being a bit vulnerable."

Lando Norris was particularly open in talking about his mental health battles upon arriving in F1, revealing during his rookie season that he had been working with a mind coach to help ease some anxiety and confidence struggles during his rise up the motorsport ladder. But the pressures of his rookie season took their toll.

"Last year it looked like I was really confident and not nervous, and it was more that I put on a brave face," Norris reveals. "Inside I was struggling a lot. I think I just covered it up quite well last year."

As Norris' confidence grew and his debut season went according to plan, he stopped working with his mind coach: "Doing it more on my own and taking my own responsibility for it was part of the growth that I needed."

He's found ways to properly manage his confidence battles, citing his video game streaming as a fun outlet that helps him switch off from the pressures of F1. And his on-track performances this year have been among the best on the grid. He is now in a stronger place.

Imposter syndrome - where someone has a feeling of inadequacy despite achieving success - is something that is part and parcel of racing in F1, given the comparisons between every driver on the grid in the competition for wins, podiums and even race seats.

"It's something that I struggled a lot with, especially before going into Formula 1, and during last year," Norris says. "The belief of if I've got what it takes, and what do I think comparing to my team-mate or comparing to other drivers, obviously always comparing against other people - that's the thing that screws with your head sometimes.

"It's something that is very tough to deal with, self-belief and everything like that. There are a lot of things that I've struggled with over the past few years and growing up.

"Not everyone wants to talk about it all the time, but it's something that I've struggled with. I'm sure many other drivers have thought about and struggled with over the past."

Drivers also have to contend with the sometimes necessary evil of social media. All but one driver - Sebastian Vettel - have some kind of social presence. While it allows them to give fans an insight into their lives and help boost their profile, making it a handy marketing tool, it also leaves them open to abuse from anyone with a keyboard.

Romain Grosjean has previously opened up about receiving criticism across platforms, even when posting about his life away from F1. But he has learned how to deal with the trolls.

"Mentally, I'm quite strong, and I've shown it through the years," the Haas driver says. "It's never nice to read, a lot of people are assuming things that are not correct.

"I guess it's freedom of talking. I'm fully onboard with people saying what they say, and what they think. Sometimes it's just not based on truth. It's wrong, and that's a bit disappointing."

He even likes to tackle some of them head-on: "I reply to some and talk about it. It makes me laugh, and whenever good results are coming, I just want to give them a thumbs up, or maybe another [finger]...

"We just need to make sure that we don't pay too much attention to those, because they're just people on their sofa. They've got no idea what we're living through, they've got no idea what our body goes through or our career, how tiring it is, how much it takes on the family and so on, that we are away so much on the road.

"They just like to abuse you because it's easy and it's free. They can keep going for it, I don't mind. Thanks for the ones that support me. I think there are maybe more people who support me than those that hate me."

Ahead of his breakthrough podium at Mugello last weekend, Alexander Albon had been facing pressure over his results at Red Bull, particularly in some corners of social media.

To him, the best way to deal with it is simply not to look at it, accepting what people say is out of his control.

"It's quite simple: we just don't look at anything further by your phone," Albon says plainly. "In the end, you're the only one that can really make the change. All these comments, they're there, but they're not in control of anything - I am.

"You understand it, or you see it, but it doesn't affect me. I just see it as they have an opinion. That's great. But I'm here to be better. And then that's what I'm focused on."

As Ricciardo mentioned, the ego-driven, often machismo-heavy nature of F1 means signs of vulnerability are taken as weakness. It creates a toxicity that is hardly healthy for the paddock environment.

But things are changing. F1 drivers are now talking more openly about the mental pressures of racing, including six-time world champion Lewis Hamilton. Hamilton posted on Instagram recently about his "two sides", calling himself "someone who is figuring life out day by day, just like you, trying to find inner peace, manage time, balance work and life, finding time for family and friends, working on managing my emotions".

Hamilton added that he had "a lot of difficult days" and urged his followers that it was "never a bad thing to ask for help if you need it, or to tell somebody how you feel. Showing your vulnerable side doesn't make you weak, instead, I like to think of it as a chance to become stronger."

That vulnerable side is all too rare to see in F1, something Hamilton acknowledged when asked by this writer about his post.

"Between the drivers, ultimately as competitors, it is not the first thing you think of doing, being open and expressing yourself," he says.

"But I think it is really important, and more important than what is happening here. It is not really about me necessarily, more about in the world everyone is struggling with something and it is creating parallels that you can relate to.

"What I was trying to convey, that it is OK to have those difficult days, those are the growing days I think where you find the most growth. I am managing well, and I have a good group of people around me."

Teams are also embarking on more programmes focusing on mental health to support their workforce and get the very best out of them. McLaren has a partnership with mental health charity Mind, which was announced in July. The team has been helping work on fundraising for the charity, recently holding a prize draw for two custom-painted helmets from Norris and team-mate Carlos Sainz Jr.

As F1 teams focus on 'human performance', mental health has become more and more a part of that.

"You want the best performance out of everyone, how to put everyone in their best position and their most comfortable position to perform," Norris says. "More and more F1 teams, and we are as a team, McLaren, are taking more and more recognition to these kind of things, and raising awareness for it."

The 'new generation' of F1 drivers have been refreshing for so many reasons, but their willingness to open up more and talk about mental health struggles is hugely important. It will hopefully create lasting change that can be felt throughout the paddock, and make the often cut-throat world of F1 become more understanding. (X)

[elliestormfound]

Hug your bard

Read on ao3

“Geralt,” Jaskier asked, “do you witchers… hug each other?” They were standing in the kitchen of Kaer Morhen, the only room that was remotely warm. Witchers had a higher tolerance for colder temperatures than humans and rarely light a fire in the other rooms before nightfall. At least not so early in the winter. Only in the kitchen a delightfully crackling fire could be found at all hours of the day. Jaskier wore a thick woolen cloak over his usual attire and had his arms wrapped around himself.

“What do you mean?” Geralt replied, “you’ve seen us hug as we arrived.” Jaskier would not describe the quick embraces with the forceful on-the-back-pounding the witcher’s exchanged as hugging.

They had arrived a week before and the bard had noticed to his delight how physical the witchers were with each other. During the warmer months when they were traveling they had to be so careful with the humans they met - some were hostile, some were afraid of them but even the friendly ones were so fragile compared to the trained and mutated physique of a witcher. But among themselves there was no need to hold back.

“That is all?” Jaskier asked with a frown. “No, we also hug when we leave again in spring,” Geralt said. During the winter in Kaer Morhen the witchers trained together. They had a regular schedule set by Vesemir. As long as it was possible they trained outside and it was a treat for the bard to watch them. Jaskier could write a thousand ballads about the clanking of their swords that echoed from the high stone walls of Kaer Morhen, the sun reflecting on the shining blades and how the witcher’s looked like dancers when they gracefully exchanged blows.

“So you only hug twice a year?” he wanted to know. He was never quite sure when Geralt was kidding. His witcher looked at him for a moment and said, “yes, that’s about it.” Maybe they really did not need more physical contact.

The training the bard loved watching the most was wrestling. He could practically see all the seriousness they wore like armour all year long drop off their shoulders when they started to tackle each other. The best part was when they started to pull off their armor and than their vests and at one glorious occasion their shirts so the bard could see their beautiful toned bodies in action.

Training was not the only occasion the witchers sought physical contact with one another. In the evenings they ate together at the old wooden table in the kitchen. It was not big and on the two benches facing each other were only room for four. When Geralt had brought Jaskier with him they had carried an old chair over from the library for Vesemir to sit on. The oldest witcher had traded his place on the bench next to Geralt with Jaskier. Now the bard sat next to his witcher during dinner, legs pressed together on the narrow bench and elbows touching, mirroring how Eskel and Lambert shared their small space on the other side of the table.

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Geralt was happy to be back in Kaer Morhen for the winter to spend time with his brothers. It was a time where they could be themselves and relax. The other witchers had asked him last year when he would finally bring the bard and he had thought of the long winter evenings and how Jaskier would fill their halls with his songs. So this year he had asked him if he wanted to accompany him and the bard happily agreed.

Geralt was glad to see how easily Jaskier found a place with the witchers, how eagerly he shared their daily chores of cooking, cleaning and caring for the animals and how openly the other witchers accepted him in their midst.

But after a few days he had the feeling that something was wrong. Normally Jaskier never hesitated to inform Geralt about his problems and it concerned him that the bard had not done this so far. But he wanted to give him the opportunity to talk about it in his own time.

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During the day the witchers often bumped their shoulders as a causal greeting or clapped each other on the back at a particularly funny joke.

But the bard was excluded from a lot of these things. He was not interested in combat training himself and would have been bested by the witchers in a wrestling match in a heartbeat. And because his human body was not as sturdy as the witchers they refrained from the causal shoulder bums and claps on the back, even as he had tried to participate in them at the beginning.

So Jaskier had found himself touch starved just after a couple of days at Kaer Morhen. During the warmer months it was easy for him to find company, at least when they traveled through towns and villages. And he had established a routine with Geralt that satisfied his other basic needs for human contact like helping the witcher wash away monster blood and intestines from his hair and body or sharing a bedroll at cold nights to keep the bard warm. But at Kaer Morhen there was no monster blood to wash out of Geralt’s white hair and even though it was cold, it was still warm enough in his small bedroom with the fire burning in the oven and a ton of blankets and furs piled on top of him.

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Geralt had to admit that it was nice to have the bard around in the winter. But it was different than when they travelled together during the warmer months, when they were often alone together and had an established and comfortable routine.

After a few days Geralt realized he kind of missed the casual touches of the bard. Being a witcher it was often hard on their travels to find friendly human touch and Jaskier was so willing and generous with it. Even though he had been hesitant at first now he enjoyed Jaskier washing his hair, massaging soothing oils into his sore skin after a fight or helping him putting on his armour, fastening all the leather straps.

But these things were not necessary at Kaer Morhen and he was not sure how to initiate situations that let to the bard touching him. And he was not sure if Jaskier was interested in this.

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A few days later Jaskier stood alone in the kitchen, again in his green cloak and again with arms wrapped around himself. It was not just the cold that made him do this. After a morning of sword practice the witchers had vanished to different parts of the keep to fix roofs, collapsed walls and leaking pipes. The bard had helped a few times but today was his turn to prepare the dinner. He had already chopped a mountain of vegetables for a stew and was taking a short break, standing in front of the fire, absentmindedly watching the flames dance on the heavy logs.

“Bard,” Lambert said as he entered the kitchen, bringing Jaskier back to the moment. “Ah, Lambert, hello,” he replied. The youngest witcher looked at him, eyebrows furrowed. “Is something wrong?” the bard asked. “You tell me,” Lambert said. Jaskier sighed and said, “I don’t know.” “Spit it out,” the witcher growled, not unfriendly. “I think I just need…” Jaskier began and without further thinking said, “I need a hug.”

Jaskier had thought about asking Geralt for a hug but had rejected the idea. Early on in their friendship Jaskier had learned that Geralt was not a hugger. All the little casual touches he allowed Jaskier now could all be interpreted as practical things, but Geralt seemed to not see any practical use in hugs.

A grin spread over Lambert’s face. “Geralt will kill me for this, but fuck him, come here, I am going to hug you.”

And he did. And it was an excellent hug. Lambert was taller than Jaskier, not as tall as Geralt, but Jaskier could comfortably burrow his face in the hollow of the witcher’s neck. Lambert had wrapped his arms around Jaskier’s shoulders, pressing him carefully to his broad chest and resting his cheek on the bard’s head. Jaskier placed his arms around Lambert’s middle and breathed in the scent of the other, a comforting mix of clean linen, lavender and fresh sweat. With pure joy the bard relaxed into the gentle but firm embrace. They stood like this for a few minutes.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Geralt was sweaty and tired, his muscles sore from the training and from working at odd angles on a broken roof for hours. He just wanted to grab a snack from the kitchen before going to his room to wash and change into fresh clothes.

The kitchen was uncharacteristically quiet for Jaskier having kitchen duty and Geralt stopped dead when he entered the kitchen and saw Jaskier and … Lambert standing in front of the fire, arms wrapped around each other. He felt his pulse quicken as a surge of anger washed over him.

“What the…”, Jaskier untangled himself from Lambert and took a step back at the sound of Geralt’s voice. “What the fuck are you doing?”, Geralt asked. He knew he had no right to be angry, but seeing Lambert, the prick, embracing his bard was just infuriating.

“It is called hugging,” Lambert replied with a wicked grin.

“Why the fuck are you hugging Jaskier?” Geralt growled at the younger witcher. With a quick glance to the bard he saw Jaskier blush but showing no sign no of unease towards the younger witcher. This should have soothed him but weirdly made him more angry and … jealous?

“The question is, why the fuck aren’t you hugging the bard?”, Lambert replied.

Geralt’s eyes wandered between Lambert and Jaskier, who was looking down at his shoes.

“Why should I hug him?” Geralt asked with a bit less of a growl. And he asked the question not just Lambert but also himself. Why should he not hug him? Jaskier was his friend.

“You should really hug your bard, he is a human, humans need hugs, especially this one,” Lambert replied as he walked over to Geralt, patting him on the arm. Geralt watched him leave with a confused stare. He breathed in deep, trying to sort his racing thoughts.

Jaskier cleared his throat and Geralt looked at him again. The bard’s face was still flushed, his hair tousled and he was still not looking Geralt in the eyes.

“Why didn’t you say something?” Geralt asked, slowly walking over to Jaskier.

“I did not think you were comfortable with this,” Jaskier replied silently, finally looking up into Geralt’s golden eyes.

Geralt could not suppress a smile that turned into a wicked grin and asked Jaskier, “do you want another hug now or do you need wait for an hour or something?”

Jaskier playfully boxed Geralt’s chest and said “you are an asshole,” but closed the final distance between them and felt strong arms pulling him into a tight embrace.

Lambert’s hug had been excellent but wrapped not only in Geralt’s arms but also in his familiar scent felt like coming home. It reminded Jaskier of nights huddled together in small beds in inns when there were too few coins for another bed, of brushing Geralt’s tangled hair and of wearing his shirt after Jaskier’s own bag with all his clothes had fallen into a stinking pond.

Geralt felt himself relax against his friend. Sometimes the solutions for his problems were so simple. He placed a hand on the back of Jaskier’s neck, softly stroking the side of his neck with his thumb and buried his face in Jaskier’s soft brown curls.

“Is this good?” Jaskier more felt than heard the vibration of Geralt’s deep voice.

“This is wonderful,” the bard replied.

“Is this what has been bothering you the last days?” Geralt asked. He felt Jaskier smile. “Yes.”

After a moment Geralt asked, voice still muffled with his face buried in Jaskier’s hair, “so how often do you need hugs?”

With a little huff the bard replied, “it is not a mathematical problem with a definite answer.”

“So at least 10 times a day?” was Geralt’s amused answer. “At least,” Jaskier said with a smile.

And so it came. Not only Geralt supplied his bard with the much needed hugs, the other witchers found every occasion to hug him too. Jaskier suspected that Lambert had told them.

The bard loved how different they all were. Eskel’s hugs were soft and he often hummed - to Jaskier’s joy. Vesemir’s side-hugs and careful pats on the back made him fondly think of his grandfather. Lambert was always present and focused on Jaskier and was excellent in figuring out what the bard wanted at that moment.

But Geralt’s firm embraces were still his favorite.

Hugging Jaskier quickly became the favorite part of Geralt’s days. There were still irrational surges of jealousy when he saw the others embrace the bard, but he was reassured when he realized that Jaskier came to him for hugs way more often than to the others. And when Jaskier complained that the nights had gotten so cold that he could no longer sleep alone, Geralt did not hesitate to loudly proclaim that Jaskier would sleep in his bed, before Lambert, the prick, had a chance to invite him into his bed.

[thatsamericano]

Magnus and the Football Team in this Fic

So, I am thinking of beefing up the presence of Magnus (human Denmark) in this fic, because I picture him as Alfred’s closest friend on the football team, so he’d eat lunch with Alfred and his other friends and do things with him occasionally the way his other friends do. In my head, Magnus was this huge, tall freshman playing another sport in the spring of his freshman year, and the football coach saw him and was like “okay, this kid could make an amazing defensive tackler.” He starts trying to recruit him, and Magnus is like “That’s very flattering, dude, but I just moved here from Denmark and don’t know anything about American football.” He plays on the JV level the next fall after doing a lot of intensive training, likes it, and is good enough to make it onto the varsity squad in his junior year. Right now, he’s a senior and one year older than Alfred.

The reason Alfred and Magnus became friends is that they’re both outsiders on the team. Magnus is from another country and really likes American football now that he’s started playing it, but he wasn’t into it his entire life the way most of the guys on the team are. Alfred was into football his whole life and is a very good player (he’s the head quarterback in his junior year after the previous guy graduated), but he’s also a huge frickin’ math and science nerd. I might not get into Magnus’s sexuality in the story, because it doesn’t really matter, but Alfred is clearly not interested in the cheerleaders or popular girls most of the guys on the team are, so it’s generally assumed he’s gay and just not out yet. Some guys on the team might be a little homophobic, but they don’t actively say anything to Magnus (if he is into guys) or Alfred, and only a couple would ever get weird about stuff like showering or changing in front of them. For most of the team, they don’t have an issue with their sexuality, but it’s another way Alfred (and/or Magnus) might not fit in with them. Most of the team are friendly to Alfred and Magnus during practices and games, respect their skills on the football field, and will invite them along to all team hangouts like the one some guy named Bryan was talking about in the story before the asshole OC revealed he was going on a date with Savino that night. But Alfred and Magnus are not someone these guys would choose to hang out with socially or have lunch with.

About the asshole OC: Dylan is openly gay, and that might gross out some of the guys on the team, but he’s also the coach’s son, so he’ll get suckups trying to be his friend just because of that and get more leeway from the guys who are kind of homophobic because of who he is. He’s basically a stereotypical asshole football player from a high school movie, except that he’s gay. He treats the guys he hooks up with like shit (and is predatory in that he generally goes after naive freshman when he’s a senior and makes it seem like he’s super into them but then ghosts them and hooks up with someone new within a week), bullies less popular students for the hell of it, and tries to con “nerds” like Kiku (who he might have tried to do this with because he is smart, quiet, and Japanese, and this dude might be low-key racist too) into doing his schoolwork and cheats when he takes tests so he won’t get scholastic probation. He also takes credit for whenever the football team does well like he “won the game” all by himself and is quick to blame other people when they lose. A lot of people on the team, including Alfred and Magnus, don’t like him because he’s a jerk to them and an all-around asshole to other people. They also resent how the coach, teachers, and the principal let Dylan get away his BS because of who he is and don’t like the way he’s presenting a bad, stereotypical image of a football player to the entire school (especially the nicer guys, like Alfred and Magnus, who are actually friends with the so-called nerds and losers he bullies).

How I see Magnus factoring into the Romerica plot: Right at the beginning of December in his sophomore year, just before Alfred started to figure out he was into Savino in a non-friendship way, Savino showed up in the stands at a football game wearing some replica jersey with Alfred’s number that the school sells. Alfred got so distracted by seeing Vinny in “his jersey” that he just stood there with the football like a dumbass and let himself get tackled instead of completing the play he was supposed to. The coach called a timeout and yelled at Alfred to “get his head in the game,” and he was really ticked off because this was their last game of the season and Alfred was filling in for the first-string quarterback who had gotten injured. Magnus was on the sidelines because he’s a defensive player, so he got a pretty good view of why Alfred was distracted. At this point, he’s known Alfred since the first football practice of the year, when Alfred was like, “I saw you on JV last year and you were really good. I’m glad you made it onto varsity this year.” They chatted a little, Magnus may have mentioned something about being from Denmark and not fitting in super well with people on the JV football team because of that, and Alfred is like “Come hang out with me and my friends at lunch then, ‘cause you’ll fit right in. There’s a couple Europeans there and a guy from Japan.” They start eating lunch together and hanging out outside of school occasionally, and then Savino starts eating lunch with them shortly afterwards (because Alfred had to pester him into it since he met Savino by accidentally hitting him with his locker, so Savino really didn’t like Alfred based on that first meeting). Magnus just assumed Alfred was being friendly to Savino like he’d been friendly to him, because apparently Al is just super nice and welcoming to people from other countries. But then after the jersey incident, he thinks Alfred has a crush, and his suspicion is confirmed once Alfred starts acting weird around Savino as he’s figuring out his feelings. He doesn’t say anything to him about it, because Alfred and Magnus have a more casual “bro” friendship than he does with Tolys and Kiku, and they wouldn’t talk about their deeper emotions with each other like Alfred might with Kiku or Tolys since he’s known them for much longer. Magnus also doesn’t say anything when he sees Alfred pining while Savino is dating Emma, but he does feel bad for him. When Alfred tells him Savino is his new stepbrother, he might be complaining about something else related to this (like his dads shacking up with this other dude all of a sudden). Magnus is like, “Damn, bro, that sucks,” but he’s thinking what really sucks is that Alfred is now stepbrothers with a guy he’s been super into for at least seven months.

Magnus might say something to Alfred about his feelings prior to where I am now, and it will be in October when Alfred is acting crazy jealous over Savino going on a date with the asshole OC. He was there in the locker room when Alfred referred to Savino as “my Vinny” and silently trying to console him/keep him from attacking Dylan when he was talking about Savino in a crude, very sexualized way and taunting Alfred for being jealous. (Dylan didn’t know for sure, but he may have picked up on something, and Dylan is such a jerk that he wants to antagonize Alfred any way he can, and this would clearly work even if Savino is just his very close friend.) Magnus had to pull Alfred off Dylan when Dylan made him snap and break Magnus’s hold by using the word “Fredo” on him mockingly, which is Savino’s and his family’s nickname for Alfred that always makes Alfred happy when he hears it. Magnus tells him to let it go and that Dylan’s not worth it, because he doesn’t want his friend to get in trouble for beating the crap out of the coach’s son, which is what Alfred clearly wanted to do. Alfred waits until Dylan’s gone to finish changing and wants to immediately confront Vinny at home about going out with this guy Alfred and Magnus have both complained about occasionally at lunch because he’s such an asshole and they hate having to deal with him all the time and play nice with him because he’s the coach’s son. Before he leaves, Magnus catches up to Alfred and is like, “Bro, I’m sympathetic to the fact you’re in love with Vinny and he’s going out on a date with a total shithead, but try not to go nuts on him when you get home.” (He might want to ride to Alfred’s house with him to help reiterate the point that Dylan is bad news to Savino and keep him calm, but it would change things too much if Magnus heard the “at least he wants me” line, so I’ll say that he has some thing he needs to do after football practice and can’t go with Alfred.) Alfred is shocked he knows and starts to panic like he always does, and Magnus explains how he knows and reassures Alfred that he doesn’t care about the stepbrother thing because Alfred is his friend and because he knows that Alfred liked Savino for months before he found out that Savino and his family were going to move into Alfred’s house. The conversation is pretty short, since Magnus has some urgent thing to get to, but he warns Alfred one last time to not go nuts on Vinny. (Which he does, just like he did in what I’ve already written.)

Magnus will have a presence during the lunch scenes, and his most important role in those scenes will be during the lunch right before Savino goes out with the asshole OC and Alfred and Savino are sniping at each other over it. He’ll look at Alfred like “dude, I told you not to go nuts on him” and help reiterate how Dylan is an asshole and Savino shouldn’t go out with him (maybe stealing some dialogue that was originally Alfred’s). I also picture him maybe looking concerned after Savino storms out of the cafeteria but letting Tolys console Alfred since Tolys obviously knows what’s going on. He might skip the football team party to hang out with Alfred the night Savino goes out with Dylan, because he knows his friend has got to be feeling like shit, and he’ll be in the room trying to console Alfred before Savino gets home and explains that he didn’t have sex with Dylan and that Dylan was such a jerk he won’t be going out with him again. When Savino explains what happens on the date, he’ll be like, “Vinny, why were you going out with that dude anyway? You knew he was a piece of shit who would want to fuck you as soon as he was done seeing a movie.” Savino says some BS about not wanting to be a single loser, but Magnus didn’t have much of an idea of his feelings prior to this because he was closer to Alfred through football. He starts to think that maybe Savino likes Alfred too, because something is not adding up about the fact that Savino randomly went out with this asshole both he and Alfred have complained about yet is acting disappointed with the fact that Dylan acted in a very predictable way. He doesn’t say anything to Alfred about his suspicion because he doesn’t want to get his friend’s hopes up if he’s wrong. He does tease Alfred when Savino wears his bomber jacket to a game in November and he’s looking up at the stands all starry-eyed, and it’s a short comment because they have to go out and play a game. After Romerica get together, Magnus can sense that something happened between them because they act goofier around each other than they were before, and he’s glad Savino liked Alfred too and that they’re together now. But he doesn’t say anything to them, because they haven’t publicly announced it yet and seem to be under the delusion that their friends who eat lunch with them have no clue what’s going on.

The day after Christmas, Alfred calls up his friends from school to chat with them and so he can thank them for the small presents they’ve exchanged with each other near the end of the school year but agreed not to open until Christmas Day. (I’ll be adding this in as a small mention before they go on the trip.) Alfred has been busier than usual with his Roman holiday, so he hasn’t kept in touch with his school friends like he normally would, and since he’s not dating them he didn’t make an effort to regularly Skype with them the way Matthew does with Katya. Since Santa Stefano in Italy is traditionally a day for people to go visit their friends after a huge family holiday, Alfred might be at Nonno Vargas’s house (to have a conversation with him about Romerica that I’d planned for a long time to occur right after Christmas), and people are just going in and out and doing whatever they feel like. (Some people might stop by a church to give a charitable donation, which is also a tradition on this day.) Alfred calls up Magnus to thank him for his present, which was a Lego space-related model kit (because I think it’s funny if Magnus likes Legos since they’re from Denmark, and he knows how Alfred likes space-related model kits a ton and won’t think he’s too “mature” for a simpler one that may technically be designed for younger people but Magnus could afford to get for a friend from school.) They chat a little, Magnus asks if he got any other space related stuff for Christmas, and Alfred starts rhapsodizing about the telescope from Savino and going into details Magnus may not be able to get (because I’m thinking he has a scientific interest too, because of the famous Danish scientist Niels Bohr, but it’s not space specifically). Magnus interrupts his friend to go, “Hey, Al? I didn’t want to say anything in front of other people since you were trying to keep it a secret, but I’m really happy for you that you got with Vinny sometime after Thanksgiving.” Alfred is surprised Magnus knew, but it’s not angsty since he knows Magnus would be okay with it (like Tolys, who also mentioned Alfred’s feelings before Romerica got together). Magnus explains how they were acting really sappy with each other at lunch in late November/early December to the point he thinks Feliciano’s boyfriend Ludwig might know what’s going on even though he knows Alfred and Savino peripherally through his boyfriend and isn’t close to either of them. But nobody cares, and it’s all cool. Alfred might tell him some vague things about his dads getting suspicious and freaking out over a hickey Savino had during Christmas Eve dinner, but he doesn’t get emotional or go into the level of detail he would with Katya, Kiku, or Tolys since he and Magnus are friends, but not the kind of friends who get into deep, emotional conversations with each other. Magnus is like, “It sucks you had to deal with that. If you guys ever need a break from your parents, you can always come chill at my place. You know how huge my house is.” I’m thinking one of Magnus’s parents is a Danish architect, and he lives in a nice, very large contemporary Scandinavian home and maybe some/all of the Nordics Magnus knows from somewhere other than school (because I don’t want to worry about adding them to Alfred’s friendship group) are there when Romerica runs away and goes to his house on New Year’s Day. If the other Nordics find out about Romerica being stepbrothers in a romantic relationship who had to run away from home when their parents found out, they might think it’s a little weird but not say anything because Romerica are Magnus’s friends and they don’t want to piss him off (and the other Nordics are just not confrontational like this). Eduard might show up after Romerica start to get comfortable because he’s going to visit his best friend/possible boyfriend Timo, and when they see him Romerica are very tense around him because his initial reaction to them is the reason why they didn’t even consider going to Tolys’s house. If he’s there, Eduard gets to explain that he’ll probably always be uncomfortable with the idea of them because of his family situation, but that he didn’t say anything to anyone after Tolys told him not to and gets that it’s not creepy the way Tolys and him hooking up would be. He won’t give them crap about it anymore if he sees them around school or if they’re at Tolys’s house visiting their friend, and he was never so much of a dick that he would be mean to people who just ran away from home. Because Eduard is uncomfortable around them, he might go hang out with Timo somewhere else while Romerica is around.

[rainbowsky]

Hi, fanfic anon here! I just wanted to thank you for the content you make. The bjyx fandom is mostly women, and while that’s not necessarily a bad thing, it is important to keep in mind, especially to make sure I’m not fetishizing XZ/WYB, so thank you for giving me the perspective of a gay man. You’re not required to do that, but you still do, so thank you. Also you make great content, so thanks for that as well! I do have one more thing I want to mention. It’s a/ the second fic I recc’ed, a/ WYB ending up in the CQL universe, it has a podfic!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27878893/chapters/68261761

You mentioned you’re new to RPF, not sure if that extends to fanfic in general, but I just wanted to let you know in case you’re interested or anybody else. I think the sound mixing is really good, and even tho is not done, the podficer seems to be updating often. I’d highly rec this, it’s really good and the podficer’s first podfic, so if you like it, give them some love! Again, thank you for everything you do, you’re a lovely person!

Thanks for your kind words! I’m glad that you find my blog useful in any way. It took me a bit to finally decide to just go for it and start this blog. I felt reluctant to step in for various reasons, but I’m grateful for how welcoming people have been.

I think there are a lot more men around than people might realize. It’s just difficult for men to admit to being into a fandom like this, or to admit to reading fic (although DD is among the men who has admitted to reading fic), because masculine culture is such that you might as well cut off your balls if you admit to any of that. Men will be ridiculed and emasculated if they admit to it. And not just by other men, either. There are always plenty of people ready to step up and enforce gender roles.

This has happened to me right here on my blog, so it’s definitely a Thing.

But I really believe that the only way to kill that is to dive in and be an example. Just as homophobia didn’t start dying culturally until people began coming out and marching in the streets and showing the face of queerness, so too are men going to continue to be seen as an anomaly in fandoms like this until they stop lurking and start participating more openly.

But there are so many barriers to that happening that I really doubt it will happen anytime soon. I mean, most men - including gay men - won’t even do yoga poses alone in the privacy of their own living room because of brainwashing about masculinity. We still have a long way to go. And that’s before we’ve even tackled the issue of toxic masculinity, cultural trauma and women feeling comfortable with men being around female-dominated spaces.

I am entirely new to fan fiction in general, not just RPF. But I have been enjoying it. As someone put it so brilliantly a while back:

To start a book… You have to make room in yourself for new characters and worlds. Do I look like I have the emotional energy for that? Do I look like I can trust like that right now? Just show me the things I already know pay good returns on my investment, except I also want to read something new so I guess they can be in a coffee shop this time.

I really identify with this statement - it’s exactly how I feel about fic. I’m dealing with a lot in my life right now, and reading comfort fic like this is Just The Thing. I also find it refreshing to read about relationships that are infused with sweetness, because most of what I generally read has none of that. I’m at a place in my life where I’m trying to be more at peace with and open about those sides of myself, so it’s a good exercise for me.

I haven’t checked out the podfic of that story yet (although I did read the story a while back, it’s good and is on my rec list). It sounds interesting, but I don’t know if I’ll let fan fic invade my audio realm because right now audiobooks are the only way I’m getting other stuff read these days!

[lordeasriel]

hdm theory: dust is actually harmful

Dust is actually harmful. Not in the sense of being sin, but it is ultimately what damages people from different universes to stay where they don’t belong. Stay tuned for what I consider to be wildest, craziest, most senseless theory I’ve ever written. Keep in mind this isn’t super serious, I’m aware there are gaps in this theory (because I accidentally countered my own arguments as I was writing lmao) and beware spoilers for both trilogies. Under the cut because it’s long-ish.

            Mrs. Coulter’s research.

We know Mrs. Coulter created the General Oblation Board to research and examine the readings of Dust in children and how to stop it from settling on them. Outside her other personal goals, which included being in the good graces of the Magisterium, she had an interest in Dust as a scholar, and while she has a lot of dubious actions, it’s fair to say she, at the very least, believed that Dust did something to people. While personally I do not consider Mrs. Coulter a woman of faith, she was raised in a society controlled by the Church - and she has personal dealings with them - so it’s safe to assume she was raised in the dogma that “Dust is Bad” and she believes in it, because why not? I mean, there is a lot of reasoning behind this claim, but none of it is important for this specific theory.

The Magisterium has the narrative, after Dust was discovered and studied by Boris Rusakov, that the particles are a representation of Sin. A lot of the discoveries surrounding Dust connected it to the fact adults seemed more connected with it than children, which only served to help the story that Dust affected children less - especially before puberty - because they were innocent. Once puberty hit, and the daemon settled, a stronger connection with the particles was established and the role of puberty in the “Dust is Evil” story is very big, especially because puberty and sexuality go hand-in-hand for the most part and the Church admonishes the idea of sexuality as a whole (it’s a bit more complicated than just this, but I hope you get what I mean). All of these things contributed to how ingrained the idea of Dust as something bad was perpetuated across Lyra’s world.

It is also rather convenient for the Church to demonise Dust, as they themselves seem to believe it is a bad thing - considering how they are influenced by the Kingdom of Heaven - but their role in making the situation even more suitable for themselves is understandable. If you were to tell an average person about Dust, they simply would acknowledge it as Something or even worse, not know about it, but to associate Dust with Sin - in a world inherently Christian, where people understand that Sin = Bad - makes it a lot easier to spread fear and control the populace. It’s as ingenious as it is evil, truth be told.

With all this in mind, we know that canonically Dust is Not Evil, it doesn’t represent the idea of Sin - or at least, it doesn’t convey Sin as something evil, but rather something the Church is afraid of - but it’s far more complicated and far reaching than that. Dust is everywhere, it shapes everything that has any value, being consciousness or angels or the whole fabric of the universe. However, they are not wrong in claiming that children attract less Dust for a reason or that the daemon settling is the connection one should look for when looking for Dust. In fact, while absolutely unethical, Mrs. Coulter’s research was very close to what makes Dust special, except she turned it to serve the Magisterium’s truth instead of actually looking into it with an impartial mindset.

Dust is everywhere, like I said, including in other universes. It doesn’t just linger in space, it lingers across dimensions and it composes the very fabric of the multiverse. In Will’s world it is known by many names, including shadows and dark matter, and for the mulefa it was known as sraf. I’m not tackling the mulefa’s world here for now, so keep in mind the Shadows and dark matter, because this is more important for this theory.

Even now dark matter is rather elusive as things go in science of our world, but ultimately it is a great part of the composition of the universe, and within the nature of His Dark Materials, it is a parallel to what Dust is.

One of the biggest differences between our world and Lyra’s, is the existence of a daemon. While daemons are representative of a person’s soul and another half of a being, they are not exposed in our world like they are in Lyra’s. In fact, they live within, which is why despite the fear Lyra has when meeting Will for the first time, she quickly calms down because she realises he isn’t missing his daemon, like Tony Makarios was, for example.

It is somewhere within him, and because a person can feel the vibes of someone daemonless (which I talked about in my visible daemon theory), she knows he isn’t separated or completely devoid of a soul, which immediately makes him “human” in her eyes. But the question is, why? Why does Lyra’s world have people with their daemon exposed, taking a physical shape? From the three worlds we visit (Cittagazze, the Mulefa world and Will’s) none of them have their souls exposed like the daemons, despite the mulefa having a bit of a different relationship with Dust with their wheels, and the seed pod oil and all that.

Having a physical soul is anything but practical. You’re exposed, your daemon betrays your feelings most of the time, and sometimes you don’t even get along, which creates conflicts that can lead to your separation, which then again creates even more conflicts, because you become an outcast in a society that thinks being daemonless makes you inhuman.

What if the daemons, exposed like they are and in tune with Dust - as it has been proved by scholars in Lyra’s world - are a lightning rod for Dust and its effects?

            Marcel’s Truth

Before we go into the lightning rod theory, we need to discuss Marcel’s hunt for the truth and how it ties to this whole shenanigan.

As I mentioned, Mrs. Coulter’s research was focused on just fixing the problem of Dust in the name of the Church, that is, fixing how Sin was spread through people. Also like I said, I don’t think she believed Dust was really Sin, but she knew something happened when Dust settled on children who were going through puberty, and adults. There was a lot of debate, especially in the academic and scientific field, about the nature of Dust, not everyone believed the Sin theory without question, although speaking openly about it was not possible.

She knew there was something going on - many other scholars knew that too - and her choice was to try and cut off the Dust connection. That is a reasonable response, when you consider how they were taught that Dust was bad and sinful and it damaged humans; you cut the source, technically Dust stops interacting. However, as it is shown, once the daemon bond is absolutely severed, even if the person survives, they are nothing but whole. They feel dead, they act dead, for all accounts; devoid of will and curiosity, essentially sick and incoherent, pretty much the opposite of what attracts Dust and what Dust represents.

This idea of a forced severing is interesting when you see that people who willingly separated do not have any of the collateral damage the Bolvangar children had - or the zombis, for that matter. They still have will, the ability to choose and think coherently, they are alive and well, despite some of them being emotionally damaged, which is a reasonable response. But it’s nothing that truly impairs them from being alive. This is material for a secondary theory, but I think it’s important to consider daemons are people too, they are their own person, with their own desires, their own free will, and because of that, they are allowed to walk away (and so is their human) if they wish to, without destroying their counterpart and therefore destroying themselves. This is what free will means, in essence; and it’s why I choose to use severing and separation as different things (I don’t remember if this is canon, though lol).

With that in mind, we know Marisa chose destroying the Dust connection as a solution, because essentially they thought Dust was bad, harmful. It’s a centuries old dogma, one that is being shaken up in the events of TSC. Marcel’s truth speech changes, well, everything. He doesn’t seem to have an interest in destroying the source of rose oil, an oil that interacts with Dust and it shows something about the nature of the particles that unnerved the Church.

 “First, we could suppress all knowledge of it, by rigorous investigation, by ruthless force. (…) The second possibility is to go to the root of the problem and wipe it out. (…) The amount of rose oil that’s ever come this far is very small; supplies of it would dry up and cease altogether, and the problem would wither away. That solution would take longer and cost more than the first, but we could do it, and it would be final. (…) There is a third option. We could embrace the facts. The roses exist; they show us something we’ve always denied, something that contradicts the deepest truths we know about the Authority and his creation; there is no doubt about that. So we could admit it boldly, contradict the teachings of millennia, proclaim a new truth. (…) I haven’t told you the fourth option. Revealing the truth in the way I described would not work. There are too many habits, ways of thought, institutions, that are committed to the way things are and always have been. The truth would be swept away at once. Instead, we should delicately and subtly undermine the idea that truth and facts are possible in the first place. Once the people have become doubtful about the truth of anything, all kinds of things will be open to us.” Marcel’s adapted speech. TSC, ch. 16.

Marcel’s points are all coherent and valid (not necessarily good things though), but I wanna focus on the fact he is far more inclined into changing the Magisterium’s core values than actually trying to destroy the roses, which refuted everything they preach about. We don’t really know what exactly the roses do, other than interact with Dust and make it visible, but we do know that whatever it is, it worries everyone that knows about it.

Personally, I think Marcel is right and that he is inclined to go for the fourth option, which is to create doubt, then reshape the way people think, and a lot of that implies he’s talking about how Dust is perceived, or Sin, in essence. If the rose oil truly reveals the nature of Dust, and that it isn’t evil or sinful, this means the Magisterium needs a headstart in protecting its image of protectors of truth, before everyone turns on them for lying. That, of course, it’s an utopia; like Marcel points it out himself, the rose oil is not that big in quantity for it to spread across the entire world, but even if just groups of people become enlightened in the Truth (whatever that is, because honestly, God only knows what Philman is planning), it could still threaten the sovereignty of the Church.

What’s really important here, however, is that Marcel wants to create a new truth, and assuming he’s trying to reestablish what Sin means, this puts him on the very end of the Dust spectrum: Dust is not sin, not evil, but rather something else entirely, benign, neutral, attached to what makes humanity, human and so on. More importantly, this ties well enough with the idea that I’ll propose in a moment, that Dust is harmful, and that daemons are the only thing actually protecting them. He could, in theory of course, promote the idea that being separated from your daemon is actually good.

The reason why I’m pointing this out now, it’s because it contradicts the main idea of this theory, but I believe this is important to highlight: Dust isn’t Evil. That is canon, and is not widely known by the people in Lyra’s world, but while Dust isn’t Evil, I believe that it is harmful to different degrees.

            Dust is Harmful

I know it feels like that wasn’t necessary, but I felt like I needed to put these points on the table, because they are important in their own way. You see, both Marisa and Marcel are dealing with the same subject in different ways, for different reasons, but whatever the outcome of their research, both of them are not truly examining the things that do matter about Dust. Why is it everywhere? Why do settled daemons attract it more? Why are there no side-effects to its exposure? Those are important questions that no one in Lyra’s world seems to be asking, and that could be for a number of reasons, but mainly because the dogma that Dust is Sinful makes these scientists not have an objective eye upon the subject. They are biased; they’re seeking a cure, not a means to harness it, to understand it.

The reason why Dust doesn’t affect people in Lyra’s world is because of their daemons. You see, Dust is attracted to consciousness or anything man-made (like the Knife, or the Alethiometer, I’ll even go as far as say the rose oil, despite the oil not being exactly man-made), and the daemons are in all their essence, a personification of consciousness. Without a daemon, a person cannot be alive; this means that, even separated, people still survive because their daemons are still conscious. Consciousness in Lyra’s world is not associated with the mind, but with the soul, which means the daemons, and they are, in consequence, a magnet of Dust.

Daemons are unique in their own composition: while they possess a physical body, once they are dead (be it their human first or them first), they disappear and leave no trace of their existence. They also do not go to the land of the dead and there are places where the daemons can’t go in Lyra’s world itself (the witch route in Siberia, the Karamakan journey to the red building). This is what I propose:

Lyra’s world has a lot more incoming of Dust than any of the other worlds we have ever visited. This is a bit of a cheap example, but you cannot find dark matter on Earth (as far as my knowledge goes, I genuinely did not go that far into this subject), for example, but Dust does descend upon Lyra’s world and it can be seen and interacted with appropriately through the right means. They are more keen in studying it than any of the worlds we see; for Cittagazze, they only used the potential of Dust to create a knife; in the Mulefa world, they are in tune with Dust, even as the flow is dying, and they accept, but have no active curiosity in studying it (which could be that they are still not at the Tech age they need to be to study this, but this is speculation). Lyra’s world is far more interested in Dust than all of the others, possibly because Dust surrounds everything they do. More importantly, because Dust is tied, intimately, with something they consider sacred, natural, intimate in itself: their daemons.

Dust is the reason why people cannot live in different universes. Every person has their own consciousness, and that is what calibrates you (for lack of a better word) to be exposed to Dust. Everyone is, the books are very clear on stating Dust is everywhere, so everyone is exposed, but to each and every single world, there’s a different amount and how it interacts with people. Will’s world, Cittagazze, and even the Mulefa world, they all have people whose daemons are within, not exposed; they all probably are used to being exposed less to Dust. This is why John Parry gets sick while living in Lyra’s world, and this is why Will and Lyra ultimately cannot stay together. Dust damages people who are not “calibrated” to interact with their ways from a particular world. Lyra’s world has A LOT of Dust, which means it does a lot more damage than for example, Will’s world.

Daemons are the reason why people in Lyra’s world survive the interaction with Dust. You see, having consciousness exposed like they are makes the daemons a proper lighting rod, or a Dust rod if you may. They can handle the interaction with Dust without being damaged because they do not share the same physical composition as their human, and this is something that is particular to the person, it’s a fix from Nature to preserve life. This is why for example, Lord Boreal seems mostly unbothered by his constant multiverse travels. Not only he doesn’t seem to stay long in the different worlds, but he is used to a lot more intake of Dust than Will’s world provides.

I know what you’re thinking, probably: but what about John Parry? or Will? They also got daemons. And yes, they do have exposed daemons that they acquired under different circumstances. Note that I used exposed, because Mary also has a daemon, in a way, that she is taught to see and that she spends a considerable time with the mulefa. But, her experience would have been different because her daemon is still inside.

John Parry’s daemon was acquired when he arrived in Lyra’s world, although it’s hard to say exactly when Sayan-Kötör showed up, but the text implies it was early on his arrival. This is probably the way the world has to try and preserve people that don’t belong there, by giving them the tool they need to harness the extra exposure of Dust. In TSK, John mentions he’s been in Lyra’s world for roughly twelve years, and I think that if he didn’t have his daemon, he probably would’ve gotten a lot sicker, much sooner.

Will’s daemon doesn’t show up when he arrives in Lyra’s world and there are two things to consider here. One of them is that Philman’s plot required him to have Will only find out about his daemon in the end, so showing up sooner would have wrecked the plot. This is probably the actual explanation lmao The second reason is that Will’s daemon wasn’t settled yet, and because of that, Dust didn’t affect him as much, so having an unsettled daemon that wasn’t showing up made no actual difference. He barely got damaged by Dust.

By the end, of course, Will’s daemon settles (although Kirjava is already exposed after the Land of the Dead excursion), so now he actually gets affected by Dust, which is why he will die in a decade or so if he stayed in Lyra’s world.

Before I finish, a few things to consider:

This theory proposes that Lyra’s world citizens could in fact live longer in Will’s world, and this conflicts with the actual canon, of course, as we know they don’t stay together because it is said they’ll both have short lives. However, I do believe a good fix for this gap in the theory is that, while Lyra could live a little longer in Will’s world, doesn’t she mean she should because she wouldn’t be happy; the exposure to Dust she’d receive in his world will be too low in comparison to what she would have been used to. In TSC, there is a passage of Lyra in Smyrna, I believe, and she’s watching the streets, observing as people live their lives.

The street below her was saturated in Dust. Humans lives were generating it, being sustained and enriched by it; it made everything glow as if it was touched with gold. TSC, ch. 27

So, while Dust is harmful depending on where you come from, it is also necessary to make life what it is. Like I’ve pointed out earlier, Dust does something to people, and as it’s been proved in the books, it isn’t evil or sinful, but rather an essential part of life. So, for Lyra to exist in Will’s world, she simply would have been miserable the whole time, which is why it’s better for her not to risk staying in his world just because she could survive longer. It’s not a life worth living.

With this in mind, assuming you’ve read TSC, you’ll know Lyra is under an extreme melancholia, and this is mostly due to the fact her relationship with Pan is wounded, Pan being her lighting rod to Dust. Not only they’re sore with each other, emotionally, but one has to take into consideration that they are physically separated.

So, just food for thought but, if their bond is split like that - and like I said before, they still survive well enough even separated - it’s possible that separation makes it more difficult for Dust to affect the human, instead going more directly onto the daemon, and their connection, being dim thanks to the separation, makes the Dust exchange between them to be lesser than what it is between people who are whole, so to speak.

Taking this into consideration, it’s possible to notice how pretty much every person we see that is 1) separated or 2) daemonless, they’re all unhappy, stoic, or simply not as happy and comfortable with life as anyone else who has their daemon. It’s not that depression is exclusive to people without daemons, but these people have had their means to communicate with Dust damaged, in a way, it’s a thinner connection so to speak, and therefore they are deprived, or at least they are touched less by Dust, which results in them being not happy or feeling like they don’t fit in in the world. After all, Dust is all about what makes life worth living, and these people simply are out of touch with that.

And I think that’s it for this theory! If you’ve read all of this, bless you and thank you, and feel free to add your thoughts to it if you have any!

[scripttorture]

Hello! I'm sort of drafting a scifi plot centered around a colony planet's war for independence from their Earth motherland. I'm wondering, would it be plausible for the motherland to openly use torture to punish the rebels fighting for the colony's freedom in order to terrorize the rest of the colony's people into submission? In that case, would they be more likely to use scarring torture against those rebels? Thank you for your help! (Hope the ask made sense, English isn't my first language!)

It makes sense, your English is incredible. :)

 Everything you’ve suggested is possible. But this is a complicated topic so I’m going to talk about each point a little more.

 In the scenario you’ve set up it is plausible to have the motherland/authorities using torture. It’s also plausible for them to say and believe that it will make the colony submit.

 But torture can’t actually do that.

 Which you probably already know if you’ve been following the blog for a while. It feeds into the rest of the answer though, especially since we’re talking about scarring tortures.

 Based on what happened when the British and French empires finally ended: torture is likely to galvanise resistance movements. The use of torture by the British in Kenya and by the French in Algeria seem to have encouraged resistance and helped resistance movements recruit.

 There are more examples from this period you could look at, but what happened in these two countries is particularly well documented. And the British destroyed records of torture in some colonies. (Ironically the destruction of these records was recorded.)

 In both cases I don’t think the colonisers made much of an effort to hide the fact they were torturing people. It was known and understood throughout the country.

 At the same time it generally wasn’t happening as ‘openly’ as it would in Saudi Arabia today.* There were not officially mandated public punishments or mutilations.

 Instead the general pattern** was that people ‘vanished’ at random and would reappear weeks or months (sometimes years) later traumatised. Much of the torture in both places was ‘clean’ (non-scarring). So it wasn’t physical injuries or public displays that let people know torture was happening.

 It was people going missing. It was stories. It was communities gradually filling with more and more traumatised people.

 A colonising force can be torturing openly without torturing publicly.

 If you’ve got an image of a big platform in a town square where people are whipped, that is possible. But it’s not the only way this stuff happens.

 There is still some debate about why torturers avoid scarring tortures today.

 I think Rejali makes a very good argument. He did a lot of research and analysis, more then anyone else putting forward a theory.

 Rejali believes that the lack of scarring torture today is because torture is illegal and because we try to enforce those laws. He thinks that it’s about getting rid of evidence.

 There are other theories. Some people think scarring tortures are more likely when torturers dehumanise their victims. Some people think that clean tortures are more ‘practical’ from the point of view of authority figures; they don’t want to risk making the workforce incapable of working. There’s also an argument that a culture’s preferred torture techniques (National Style) is political and mimics the countries they are politically closest too.

 Rejali is really the only person I’ve seen back up their theory with analysis.

 And it’s worth remembering that clean tortures were commonly used throughout history. They were used with scarring tortures. It’s only recently that it’s become ‘one or the other’, through most of history it has been both.

 Which means that whether scarring tortures are likely depends on a lot of factors and most of the factors are cultural.

 If the culture on Earth views scarring torture as:

Illegal

Immoral

Unusually brutal

Uncivilised

 Then I think it’s really really unlikely that there’d be public scarring torture. I also think with that sort of culture scarring torture would be less common (but still possible).

 On the other hand if the majority culture sees torture as a legitimate punishment (and the rebels as deserving punishment) scarring torture is much more likely.

 I’d encourage you to think about how the major Earth culture views violence.

 Are executions commonly accepted as punishment? Can criminals be sentenced to things like blinding and amputation? Would the average person argue that public punishment is justified? Do people generally accept torture as part of a punishment? What are the cultural ideas about shame? Are any acts seen as particularly humiliating? Are any acts seen as particularly bad?

 Let’s use an example. You don’t have to use this. I’m just trying to show how you can use your worldbuilding to make all of this feel consistent.

 Imagine a majority Earth culture in this sci fi world that sees disloyalty as particularly bad. We’re all humans. We’re all ultimately from Earth. And whatever our differences we should be working together for the good of Earth.

 Now imagine that whipping is a possible sentenced punishment in this culture. Only for a few, severe crimes. Perhaps it’s seen as especially humiliating (as it was in ancient Rome).

 With this combination of cultural features it’s easy to imagine that there’d be popular support for whipping these rebels. Because they’re going against something seen as fundamental to this society and there is already support for torture as a humiliating punishment.

 If there’s less public support for torture then this kind of public display is a lot less likely.

 But torture could still be going on. It’s just more likely to be clean and authorities are more likely to deny it. Or deny that what they’re doing is torture.

 Apathy towards the colony is another possible factor. If the people back home just… don’t care about what goes on in the colony that might make torture generally and scarring torture in particular more likely.

 All of this means that this is a narrative choice but it’s a choice that you can tie to your world building and the plot.

 Scarring torture in the context of this kind of story means… handing the rebels a powerful propaganda tool.

 We instinctively empathise when we see other people in pain. That’s part of why torture backfires: whatever a person’s belief system we feel something when we see other people suffer. And that usually means that people who witness torture start to feel opposed to the torturers.

 Scarring tortures mean there’s a longer time frame where you can get this reaction. It means that sympathy can be garnered quickly and across language barriers by simply sharing pictures.

 If part of what you’ve planned for the story is a growing resistance movement scarring torture is a very good fit. Because it’s an easy way to show characters quickly becoming sympathetic to the rebels.

 ‘You think these people are decent?! Look at what they did to my little boy!’

 That’s powerful, visceral stuff. If you want these parts of the story to hit the readers hard, so they feel breathless, then this is a very good choice.

 Clean torture often means taking more time explaining what happened to someone and how it felt. It means you have to hold the reader’s hand and talk them through why this was so bad.

 If you want to take a more thoughtful, philosophical approach (or focus more on a character’s internal journey) this can be a very good choice. But it doesn’t fit so well if you want these sections of the story to be more like action sequences with emotional weight.

 And this feeds into how you want to approach resistance in the story. I think that with scarring torture you have a very easy way to show why these people don’t submit. There’s a lot more instinctual understanding of the anger, pain and spite.

 For a lot of people clean torture requires more explanation and build up. I say that because a lot of people just don’t understand clean torture at all.

 For all that I usually advise writers to connect with that and use clean tortures (the kinds that are used most commonly now)- sometimes there is a good narrative reason for choosing a scarring torture instead. And skipping the explanations that need to come with clean tortures can be one of them. You don’t always want to spend pages explaining the basics to readers. Sometimes you just want to make them feel something straight away.

 Wrapping up I think you’d get a lot from reading H Alleg’s The Question and the appendices to Fanon’s The Wretched of the Earth. Both talk about the Franco-Algerian war, Alleg as a torture survivor and Fanon as a mental health professional who treated survivors, witnesses and torturers.

 Good luck with your story. Tackling these topics can be hard. Remember that the masterposts are here and that it’s OK if you don’t get things right on the first attempt.

 I hope that helps. :)

Available on Wordpress.

Disclaimer

*For new readers I use Saudi as an example often because I grew up there. As an expat. I am white, my parents are from England and Cyprus. Which incidentally is one of the places we’re missing British colonial records for. I feel like my peculiar background should be out in the open when we’re discussing colonial violence.

 **There were exceptions. Both places saw big, obvious attacks. These were usually by military forces on remote villages and often meant whole villages were destroyed.

[redbeardace]

Asexuality Activism Report Card

[This post is a submission for the October Carnival of Aces, hosted by @asexualawarenessweek, on the theme “Reaching In, Reaching Out”]

Every year around Ace Week, I tend to give encouragement and suggestions about the type of outreach or activism we can do.  This year, I’m going to do things a little different and instead give a report card on where I think we are in terms of various kinds of activism/outreach/visibility.

These are solely my opinions and my categories and are based on my experiences and not any kind of exhaustive research or survey.  Please feel free to provide your own grades and suggest other areas I might have missed.  I also want to note that these grades are not an indictment or attack on any particular group, person, or project.  If you’re working on any of these things, you’re part of the solution and your work will make these grades improve over time, so keep at it!

And if you’re doing any of these things, please plug your projects, so people will know about them!

Intra Community - A

We focus an awful lot of energy inward, and that’s a good thing.  Extending a helping hand, providing resources, hosting chatrooms, making podcasts, organizing meetup groups, writing lengthy blog posts, hosting conferences and unconferences, selling t-shirts...  We’re doing a pretty good job supporting each other from the inside.

Queer Community - B

There are quite a few mainstream LGBTQ groups who openly support us.  We often hold our meetups at the queer community center in town.  Many aces are involved with LGBTQ organizations.  There’s an ace group who goes to Creating Change every year.  We’re an obligatory part of many organizations’ Pride messaging.  Lots of groups now deliberately use the “LGBTQIA” variant of The Acronym, and make it clear that “A” isn’t for “Allies”.  The ace group in the NYC Pride Parade this year (likely the biggest pride parade ever) was deliberately selected to be the 10th contingent, which is a huge deal because the parade was literally 12 hours long.

There are obviously challenges.  The uninformed who don’t understand why we’re at the table.  The deliberate trolls who relentlessly hound us online.  But those people will become irrelevant over time.

Unfortunately, this year marked the first time where I saw Rainbow Capitalism set its sights on us.  (With a big name ace group complicit in the exploitation...)  So that’s not good.

Everyone Else - D

We are not doing well in this area.  There are a few people out there who have heard of asexuality, but not many.  Most people use the word wrong or as the insulting punchline to a joke.  There isn’t a single household name who has come out as asexual and put themselves out there as an advocate.  It’s better than it was 8 years ago, but we’re still mostly invisible.

I don’t really have any suggestions here (except that if you’re famous and asexual, COME OUT), because most of the suggestions I’d have are covered in the other areas.

Direct Outreach - F

By “Direct Outreach”, I’m referring to deliberately trying to find people who are asexual but who are unfamiliar with the term or that do not recognize that they’re asexual for whatever reason.  It’s sort of a subset of a lot of these other groups.  (And it could probably use a better name...)

I’m calling this out explicitly, because I think this can have the most impact, if we can figure out effective ways of doing it, and I don’t think anyone’s really doing this.  (I sort of tried, but it didn’t really work out...) Basically, it would be able getting information about asexuality in front of the people who need it.  Taking over the search results for “Why don’t I want sex?”.  Writing articles about how some guys just don’t care about that sort of thing for a men’s magazine.  Maybe even a direct person to person conversation with that friend who never seems to date.  I don’t know, exactly.  If I knew, I’d be doing it.  But I think it needs to be done.

Fiction Media - C+

There are books with ace characters now!  Pretty much entirely YA, though.  And either a love story focused on the asexual character being asexual, or where asexuality is a tangential inclusion token with no real value.

There are TV shows with positive ace characters now!  Huge step forward from lows of Better Half!  Three shows, in fact!. Two of which have been canceled, and the third of which is about to have its final season.  And none of which are anywhere close to the popularity of House.  And none of which are anywhere close to the popularity of another show which completely erased a main character’s canon asexuality.

There are movies with ace char-  Oh no, no there aren’t.  Never mind.  Same with video games.

While some strides have been made, and having productions actively consulting with groups like Ace LA is a huge step forward, we’re still largely living an area of headcanons and unverified conjecture and Word Of God retcons.  There’s so much more than can be done.

Most importantly, we shouldn’t fawn over and praise any little scrap of hope.  Demand better.

If you’re in a position to make things, make them.  If you’re in a position to influence things to be made, influence them.  If you’re in a position to boost content that is made, boost it.

Non-Fiction Media - C-

There are starting to be articles about asexuality that go beyond the typical sensational “There are some people who claim to be asexual, can you believe that, isn’t that SO STRANGE” or the blandly informational 101 interview featuring a picture of sad grey people in bed.  Not many, but they’re there.  But, at the same time, there are blazingly dismissive assholes hiding behind Ph.Ds, writing things like “’demisexual,’ an unnecessary new substitute for the word ‘human’ ” in articles that are published in 20-fucking-19.

There are a number of podcasts and YouTube videos talking about asexuality, but I don’t know how much reach they have outside of the ace community.

There’s one documentary that hasn’t aged well and I think has been removed from most streaming services, and another that hasn’t been released yet and is phenomenal and you should all see it.  So that...  Two documentaries.

Taking a quick look on Amazon, there are about seven books of substance on asexuality.  Three are academic queer theory textbooks with a very specific audience.  Two are self-published.  One is a weird collection of essays, half of which have little to do with asexuality at all, written by someone who isn’t ace and who didn’t seem to bother even talking to aces for much of the book.  That leaves one book about asexuality for a general audience written by an asexual that had a real publishing run.  Just one.

Same with the fiction media, don’t go around hyping any article that mentions asexuality.  Some of them are REALLY REALLY BAD.  There was one a few months ago that said in an infographic that “Girls working part time have a 33% chance of becoming asexual”, yet it was being uncritically passed around by some high profile aces.

So, y’know, Cs get Degrees or whatever, but we can do soooo much better in this area.  Someone go write a book about asexual dating.  Someone go write a book about asexual history.  Go.  Do.  Now.

Education/Schools - D

Well, it seems like it’s getting at least mentioned occasionally, and groups like Asexual Outreach have put some work towards this.  But we’re still left out of sex ed in most places, and when we are included, the information can be confused, inaccurate, or even ridiculed by the instructor.  Tackling this area will, over time, help out every other area on this list, because the next generations will all know and understand what asexuality is, and we won’t have to start from zero in order to get anything done.

Political/Legal - F

Earlier this year, I did a cursory review of anti-discrimination laws as they pertain to asexuality.  Where asexuality was protected, it was often by accident.  Only one state explicitly mentioned asexual people.  Many states which did have strong LGBT anti-discrimination protections have defined “sexual orientation” in such a way to exclude asexuality.  Even the “Equality Act” that the Democrats have made a lot of noise about this year has that narrow definition.

We need to start making connections with politicians and political groups, and we need to start leveraging our connections with queer organizations to get them to push for better language in these laws.  (Many of the non-discrimination laws were deficient or bizarre in multiple ways, so we’d all be better off with improvements.)

And I should note that it’s an F--- as far as protections for aromantics…

Health Care - D+

Well, we managed to get parts of the DSM-V rewritten.  But even those parts are less than ideal.  There are some therapists and doctors who are well versed in asexuality, and others who, as I mentioned above, hide behind their Ph.Ds writing horrible things and going unchecked.  There’s a raft of sex pills with marketing that explicitly targets people who are probably asexual but don’t know it yet, trying to sell them worthless junk that will make them suddenly black out randomly or permanently change the color of their skin.  We’re still not an option on the clipboard the doctor hands you to fill out.  We’re still forced to take unnecessary and invasive tests for no practical reason.

I think we need to be showing up at health care conferences.  We need to be reaching out to local providers.  We need to be telling people how they should be treating us, instead of letting them fumble around and hopefully get it right on their own.

[pseudofaux]

Beaming {MLQC}

Happy birthday, @saizoswifey​ ! I can’t tell you how grateful I am for your kindness and strength, I think your example makes it easier for others to be kind and strong too. I know they do for me, anyway! You’re so generous in and out of fandom, and every time I see your wit I’m delighted that it lives in you with a heart as good as the one you’ve got. YOU ARE FANTASTIC! (づ￣ ³￣)づ Here’s some sunny Kiro for you. Happy, happy birthday, my friend!

(Full story here in this post, but it’s also over on Ao3 if that’s better for your eyes.)

Since their relationship became intimate, he has made it abundantly clear that he loves her naked. Today, though, he is entranced by her bralette of stretchy cotton. It’s not something she considers particularly sexy, just a light, comfortable scrap of function for a day with a scorching forecast. When she dressed that morning, she had no idea she would even see him, and even if she had known he was back in the city, she would never in a million years have guessed at his plans.

His don’t-stand-out getup worked too well: she didn’t notice him as she left the train station. A hat with a brim, reflective sunglasses, and a paper mask over his mouth, just like those worn by so many other young commuters swarming the pavement, why would she pay him any mind? If he hadn’t whispered her name as she touched her arm, she might have screamed. He told her he had the morning free and so did she, if she wanted it.

Of course she did, but she was on her way to work. When she reluctantly insisted she really had to go, he encouraged her to check her email before she made a final call on the day. There were brand new messages from Anna and Willow waiting for her: This backstage footage is amazing, how the hell did you get it?! We’ll work on this today! See you tomorrow!

His smile could not be hidden by the mask or sunglasses, and the smugness in it... well, it seemed like he had earned it. So she nodded, delighted by the prospect of time with him. Their morning was full of city errands and elevator rides: up to the roof of the highest building in the business district for a brunch just for them, down into the basement of another building for him to retrieve a duffel bag from a locker in a poorly-lit hallway. All the while, he held her hand. In every conspicuously empty elevator, he held that hand by her head as he leaned her against the wall and made intimate promises between soft, soft kisses.

If she had known there was even a chance they could see each other that day, she would have worn something sexier. In the living area of the ridiculous hotel suite he’s brought her to, her dress is gone and he is cupping her through the bralette. He thumbs her nipples in the same daze she has seen on him when he touches a new guitar. She lets him.

“Do you work out in this?” he asks quietly. She smiles and shakes her head. His spell is broken when his eyes flash up to hers. Sin and sun are in his grin when he asks “Do you want to?”

She wants to as much as she wanted to go with him at the train station, and there is no work to make her hesitate. After all the elevator kisses and the pleasure of his company through the morning, she was eager for somewhere private like this, where she can match his playfulness. So she lets her tongue wet her grin, and she nods. There are promising ottomans and low tables throughout the ultra-chic space, but they fuck on one of the rugs first. Soft, unprocessed fibers of a fur she doesn’t recognize catch her back, then her sensitive front when he begs her to get on her elbows and knees. There’s a stretched moment of need-- they know these moments, because they have to be apart so often-- when they realign before he slides back inside her and they gasp. She knows he is proud of his physique and he should be, the strength of his abdominal muscles keep him so steady as he leans to cover her back with his front. His voice is not as steady as he whispers how hot and good she feels, how much he has been missing her, how being with her is so much better than thinking of her every time he touches himself.

But he stops, suddenly. “Bed,” he says, his hands going tight on her waist to keep her from pushing back at him. “Please-- hey! C’mon, I need to see you.” His words are openly ragged and the need in him makes her squeeze around him as he pulls out. His desire for her is satisfying enough to soothe her own itch of greed for him. For a few moments more, at least.

He touches her side and holds out his hand to help her stand up. Naked and gentlemanly: national superstar Kiiiirooo~, she thinks as she gets to her feet. It makes her giggle. “What’s funny?” he asks, and his face is so flustered and cute and he looks so hot standing ther without a stitch on, that she is tempted to let him in on the joke headline. Instead she shakes her head and dashes toward what she hopes is the bedroom. He follows with a happy “Miss Chips!”, and when she lets him catch her beside the room’s massive bed, he tickles her. It is their favorite form of revenge and they are both in great moods so his tickles are tiny caresses, fingertips drumming at her sides until her ass presses into the softness of the mattress edge. He gets a good grip on her waist despite her wiggling, and lifts her to sit on the bed. She reaches to unhook her bra, but he makes a wounded little sound and sure enough, when she looks at him he is giving her the hopeful eyes. So she holds her hands away with a smile, and he beams back at her before lunging onto the bed, tackling her and tangling their legs. At some point he drags the duvet over them and they are cocooned in their own world. He is laughing against her skin, and the sound is light itself: colors blown out by sunlight, blue gone yellow gone white into brilliance beyond what her eyes can show her. As Kiro catches his breath, the warmth of his exhalations on her shoulder create a thrill of affection in her, familiar affection for someone who might, to rights, really be out of her reach... But just then he squeezes her. Their arms are around each other, and he is there in the posh hotel bed with her, acting randy and making them giggle. When there is quiet, he asks, “Would you like some outside light? The windows are special glass.” His body is over hers and he is rubbing his cheek against her face. So close, the smell of his hair products, like spiced green apples, is an obvious and delicious perfume. She plays with it instead of answering. He is really a lean, golden god that the sun begs to love. She loves him already. “Yes,” she says finally. She can feel him getting hard again. He slides the tip of his cock against her thigh, then her slit... and when she pushes up at him, he moves up just a little more to poke against her tummy. She narrows her eyes and calls him a name. Kiro grins at all of it and ducks his hips a bit so he is pressing more insistently, right below her belly button. “Let the light in already!” she scolds. She turns her head to nip at his forearm and it makes him freeze-- except for the throb she feels against her stomach, so strong it is almost a smack. Serves him right. He nudges her face back up and sucks on her bottom lip as he reaches up to the headboard. Over the rustling of the crisp white pillowcase beside her ears, she hears something click, and then the floor to ceiling windows hum. Her eyes are closed while he kisses her, but she can tell the glass is losing its opacity until it is letting in the kind of clear, steady light she has only seen from airplane windows. She loves the strangeness of midday sun. Usually would be in an office right now, sacrificing her access to the light, but Kiro is making it glow on her, as gentle as his kisses. She knows he likes being beneath her best, so she is not surprised when he sits back up and pulls at her legs until she sits up, too. “C’mere?” he says softly. She sets herself on top of his lap, enjoy the strength of his erection between their bodies. “This is so sexy,” he tells her, pulling the strap of the bralette and letting it relax against the front of her shoulder. The pressure feels good, even better when he strokes down the line of the strap. His face is thoughtful, and he touches her with his whole hand, like she is a cat. “This, in this light... it’s like I’m seeing the you that no one else sees,” he adds. She can’t speak for a moment. When she can trust her throat, she tells him “You are seeing the me no one else sees.” It can be difficult to predict what will send him into one of his serious moods, but apparently agreeing with him is it for today, because his eyes go darker and his lips part. She can see his tongue and she wants it, wants him, so she leans forward, sweet to him as he has been to her. While they are kissing, he laces their fingers together and settles their hands at her hips. With gentle pushes and pulls, he encourages her to rock in his lap. “I think this is sexy,” she whispers as she grinds on him. Her thigh muscles flex and the mastery in the feeling puts a thrum of power in her blood that she lives for, especially with him. She could do this all day, and for Kiro, she’d do anything. He huffs out a laugh so close to her mouth she can’t see his grin, but she can hear that he is beaming. “You’re right,” he says, kissing the side of her smile. He runs his nose along her jaw until he gets to her ear. “This is the sexiest thing that has ever happened. Ever.” Without letting go of her hands, he tickles her again. She bucks to avoid his fingertips, and tries to tighten her fingers around his and keep him away. He’s laughing with her, yet again. He likes happy sex, she knows this, and she knows he absolutely gets off on making her happy.

“You want me?” he asks, serious. It’s hopelessly true that she wants him a lot, but he’s so fun to tease she says “...a little.” Her answer actually makes him shudder, and it is very pleasing, to know those trembles are trustworthy. It’s a heady thing, to reduce a man so powerful and widely loved to depend on her. He asks quietly if she will be on top and she shushes him, because of course she will. She puts an arm over his shoulder for balance she she resettles her knees beside his ass. All their rolling around has put his back toward the windows, so when a few clouds suddenly move away from their work softening the sunshine, the light hits his shoulders and it is like seeing the halo of a classical painting made real. She tucks the beautiful image into her memory as she takes him in hand and strokes him. He’s plenty hard, but she likes the feel of him. “Thank you for the unexpected day off,” she says sweetly, and she holds him in place until the head of his cock is snug inside her. Then she comes down onto him slowly enough to appreciate every little tilt of his hips and every almost-whine coming out of his mouth. She keeps her own hips shy of his body until Kiro is moaning for her. He hisses and palms her ass, but doesn’t pull. He does say “Please. You’re welcome, please, c’mon--” So she flexes her pussy around him as she slides the last little way down, and when he throws his head back and groans, she kisses his adam’s apple and feels the pleasure coming out of his throat. “I missed you,” she whispers, when he has stopped and she knows he can hear her. “Take care of me.” He does.

[swanning-around]

Possibly the best thing written on current UK politics, from Rex Varro, British Intelligence magazine - www.british-intelligence.co.uk

PRESSGANGED : BORIS JOHNSON AND THE BRITISH MEDIA

REX VARRO

1st September

​

It seems that people on the Right in Britain are broadly split into two camps: those who say Boris Johnson is a bullshitting waste of space, and those who think the prime minister will come good if we can just get past coronavirus.

I can see both sides of this. Yes, coronavirus dropped from a clear sky onto a government fondling an 80-seat majority and a country collectively sighing with relief at having avoided a Labour Party captured by communism and also having voted in a prime minister who promised an end to Tory lies about Brexit. Just like the moments in movies when someone asks what could possibly go wrong now, everything went pear-shaped very quickly.

Readers of British Intelligence being clever and well informed sorts, I do not need to recapitulate the sorry story of the past six months. True, Johnson became very ill – and some say he has yet to fully recover – but his absence made it all the more clear that the cabinet is like a giant rock band with a great front man: once he goes it is fatally reduced. I know that people pay good money to see Queen and The Blockheads, but as far as I am concerned, without Freddie and Ian it is a complete waste of time. True, you still have Priti Patel on bass as it were but it’s not enough.

Then there is the media’s obsessive hatred of Johnson. Back in the Eighties when I held left-wing views about society I often heard people moaning about Tory control of the media. It is hard to credit how strong and aggressive newspapers were in those days, yet even then I was sceptical about the supposed control papers such as the Sun held over public thought. The public’s innate conservativism was reflected by newspapers, not the other way round. It is typical that the Left got this arse about face, and still does. I still have Labour-supporting friends who rant about ‘Tory hate comics’, imagining that dying publications such as the Sun, the Daily Express and the Daily Telegraph are all that stands between them and a socialist Britain.

In any case, the ‘serious’ media, including many ‘broadsheets’, the BBC, Sky News, Channel 4 and ITV news, is now largely controlled by what is best described as a Blairite worldview. This means they hate Johnson. That they cannot see him as one of their own is indicative of how ignorant, unimaginative and saturated in received wisdom these institutions are. For Johnson is very close to the kind of politician they want: a social liberal, a can-kicker on debt, a wildly enthusiastic burner of public money and very much pro mass immigration. What, as they would say, is not to like?

Well, what they don’t like is that he’s posh – though that is OK if you are in the Labour Party –  went to Eton and above all has at times described women and certain minorities in jocular and pejorative terms. Yes, in his journalism he deployed a sub-Wodehousian style which while threadbare is not, to any sane grown-up, an indication of fascism.

The man deployed levity! He joked. He mentioned piccaninnies, bumboys and made mild fun of burkas. This is the most serious heresy for the media left. They know perfectly well that what Orwell said is true: every joke is a tiny revolution. The Left’s power increasingly resides in the controlling and policing of social attitudes. Real jokes, jokes that reflected events and behaviour in the world, were effectively banned a long time ago in the comedy revolutions of the Eighties and Nineties. The Left rejoices in snide sarcasm and social satire aimed at white people but jokes that kick against the fortress of identity politics can never be tolerated or forgotten, because if political correctness falls then the whole leftist project falls with it. Johnson’s crime is that he has never taken it seriously enough. That and also having the cheek to say he would stand by the result of the Brexit referendum.

Compare Johnson with the ultimate cuckservative Theresa May, with her capitulation to the Left on identity politics, policing and, don’t forget, her Frida Kahlo bracelet. What an easy ride she got from television news reporters (the most aggressively Blairite operators in the media)! She bought in to all their wrong ideas, accepted their premises and above all was committed to emasculating Brexit in broad daylight while promising the electorate that she was doing the opposite – a good old fashioned member of the political class in other words. If the media elite was not so fanatical and lost in a hammock-spin of fury over Brexit and Trump etc, it would realise that Johnson is not so far from May as his grassroots fans think: he has the primary Tory vice of seeking to work round issues caused by left-wing mischief making and wrongheadedness  rather than openly confronting and fighting them. Much of this will be due to entrenched public relations micromanagement inside Number Ten. Nevertheless, if Boris was the kind of freebooting maverick he is often sold as then he would have gone off-piste long ago. He hasn’t. The Conservative Party believes that it is easier and more electorally advantageous to ride the tiger of cultural Marxism rather than fight it, despite it being obvious that making war on PC is a vote-winner and, in the long game, the only way liberty, free trade and the rule of law – in short the centre right’s vision of society – will survive.

It must be recognised that revolution is being propagated in the West but Johnson is yet to show he is taking a different line to the Cameron/May governments. Cameron, a weapons-grade bullshitter, made speeches about social justice as did Theresa May, who in 2017 even instituted the pure socialism of a ‘race audit’ to tackle ‘burning injustices’. Johnson has been more practical with his talk of levelling up, but now Covid-19 has offered the Left the chance of perhaps its biggest power grab since 1945. It doesn’t want the crisis to end, at least not until it has seen society permanently changed, essentially a vast expansion of state power, state spending and interference in private life along with a new drive towards supranational relations to militate against the Brexit revolt. Worryingly, this is the agenda for the global elites. See what the World Economic Forum is doing with its ‘Great Reset’ initiative. Johnson fans often ask me how this can be achieved if there is no Labour government in Britain. Even asking the question reveals naivety: media campaigns, a left-leaning civil service, PR, forums, think-tanks, green papers and the like are the methods employed to chivvy ministers along, rather as a sheepdog herds its charges into an enclosure.

This all means that Johnson’s in-tray is massive and ominously fateful. This is not a time for standard soaking wet Tory tactics: fudging, ‘British compromise’ and managed decline. If this government gets the Covid fallout wrong the consequences will be far reaching.

What should Johnson do? Until it gets the sort of echt centre-left leader it craves, the media likes to present Britain as a pandemonium of dissent and protest. It is true that the revolutionary urge is growing, but race and environmental activists are comparatively small in number yet Johnson’s media handlers evidently live in fear of them or rather in fear of the media’s constant propaganda in their favour. Johnson should get all this in perspective and realise that the ‘silent majority’ does not want to live in the future the Left are dragging us all to. Therefore he is a lot safer than he thinks he is. In any case he is years from a general election so can afford to take gambles, be radical and forthright across the fields of education, law and order, sexual politics and international relations.

The lingering popularity of Margaret Thatcher, which was quite out of proportion to her actual achievements in office, was based on her straight talking and unqualified patriotism. Every prime minister since her time in office has more or less spoken with a forked tongue, aided and abetted by the media. Most reasonable intelligent ordinary people over the age of about 40 know the public have been lied to for years across a range of issues, the biggest one being immigration. Johnson must break the mould and set a precedent. Otherwise, and rather sooner than you think, this country will be truly ungovernable.

Rex Varro is a national newspaper journalist

Online Magazine of Ideas | British Intelligence | The Life of the Mind | Politics and Arts

©2019 by British Intelligence. Proudly created with Wix.com

[cuddletime-blog]

Lucien As a Woman

If Lucien was a woman:

·         As a woman, his name might be changed to Lexi or Erika.

·         Lexi/Erika would be intelligent and attractive, just as irresistible as ever. She would be confident, sophisticated, yet humble and kind, perhaps less openly flirty, but she would be someone you would respect like an older sister or role model. She would have many male and female admirers among her students, coworkers/colleagues, and the public in general.

·         Lexi/Erika would still be a highly respected genius neuroscientist and professor at Loveland University. She would publish many scientific research papers and mentor graduate students. Perhaps Lexi/Erika would have also majored in women’s studies and become a social activist, public speaker, and writer as well.

·         After working as professor and researcher for some time, Lexi/Erika might go on to become a talk show host and become the next Oprah, Dr. Oz, or Dr. Phil of Asia, promoting research funding and educating people about neuroscience, psychology, medicine, social issues, and important global topics. She has the charisma to reach out to people’s hearts and grab their attention. Lexi/Erika will open schools in Africa that will teach young children and young women in particular, start charities, and contribute greatly to humanitarian aid and disaster relief efforts in struggling parts of the world. She might give TED talks and invent something new and useful such as a device or drug that would help many people.

·         Lexi/Erika might try to tackle the problem of slowing the progression of global warming and try to save endangered species of animals and plants, especially those in the Amazon rainforests.

·         Lexi/Erika might make great jokes the better you get to know her…more funny and less flirty. She might seem more reserved at first, but she will be someone you feel more comfortable and relaxed around…someone easy to talk to and she is a great listener.

·         Lexi/Erika might be a good cook too. She is resourceful, has a good palate, knows how to make good use of whichever ingredients are currently in her fridge, and eats healthy…mostly fruits and vegetables and lean meats.

·         Lexi/Erika makes time to work out or read for leisure in her spare time. She would visit many bookstores and museums. Lexi/Erika might go watch movies once in a while, but rarely by herself. She would visit a local pet shelter and volunteer there in her spare time. Lexi/Erika visits parks and beaches, walks around a lot, sometimes might ride bikes, goes hiking sometimes, and enjoys the outdoors. She enjoys traveling around the world too.

·         She would spoil MC and be good at shopping for groceries, clothes, furniture, home goods, and etc. Lexi/Erika has great style and an eye for interior decor…modern but minimalist. She reads interior design magazines. Lexi/Erika doesn’t care too much about fashion, but she always looks professional and elegant. She is tall and does not wear high heels and very short skirts. Her fashion sense is good.

·         She is not very active on social media, but she follows a lot of influential people and blogs. Lexi/Erika might tweet something once in a while, but it would be something clever or enlightening and she would gain a lot of followers.

·         Lexi/Erika would be my inspiration and MLQC lady crush, similar to Anna.