#in fact: i know a lot of vegans who deserve *better* than to share a community with the dipshits

[anistarrose]

On the note of the last "disability rights to do fuck all" reblog: I don't know what environmentalist/vegan needs to hear this, but "humans are parasites" is literally Ableism 101, regardless of whether or not you claim you're only talking about "the capitalists" and not the disabled community when you say it.

I'm not just talking about the harm that phrase does to disabled people who can't support themselves on their own — I'm also talking about disabled people who need things that aren't considered "environment/animal-friendly" in order for them to live with dignity, or live at all.

If you're willing to resort to dehumanizing language when you see someone using a plastic straw or eating an animal product, then I don't fucking trust your plan for a post-capitalist solarpunk utopia or whatever to be a safe place for disabled people, of any form.

[romanarose]

Some Nights

A Moon Knight song fics

Summary: Steven Grant lays in bed, considering the events of the last few weeks, set to fun.'s song Some Nights Intro (NOT the song Some Nights you are probably familiar with, it's the album intro. Nate Ruess is a king I love him

"There are some nights I hold to every note I ever wrote

Some nights, I say, "Fuck it all!" Stare at the calendar

Waiting for catastrophes, imagining they'd scare me

Into changing whatever it is I am changing into...

And you have a right to be scared"

Steven laid in bed, trying to avoid sleep, trying to avoid losing control of the body. The last few days... Fuck. A whole separate life was going on while he slept and he had absolutely no control over it. He thought it was dreams, vivid, insane dreams. It was much worse; a secret identity that was secret even from himself. It was as if Clark Kent wasn't aware Superman existed, let alone that he was superman. If Superman was a killer. Hell, Steven was a vegan, he didn't even want animals killed for his food, nevertheless killing people to deal out some vigilante justice. And then there was Marc. He avoided looking at the window and removed mirrors in an attempt to be free from interruption. It was one thing that his body got up and wandered about when he slept, it was another thing that he was some Avengers-like superhero, but the really disturbing thing was the whole other person living in his head. Marc seemed to have all the answers, seemed to know exactly what was going on, convenient for him, right? He didn't feel the need to share much information. Shit... the bed was feeling awfully nice...

"'Cause there are some nights I hold you close, pushing you to hold me

Or begging you to lock me up, never let me see the world

Some nights, I live in horror of people on the radio

Tea parties and Twitter, I've never been so bitter"

Marc was the reason he couldn't live a normal life, Marc was the reason he never slept. He wanted Marc to leave him alone and yet he constantly needed Marc for answers. Answers for things in his life that could never be explained alone. Steven couldn't wrap his head around it all, he had been created to protect Marc, but Marc spent so much time protecting Steven. He said once his debt was paid, he would leave Steven alone to live his life, but in some sense, he wanted Marc to stay. It didn't make sense. Marc was a killer. Steven shouldn't want him around. And yet... Marc insists that they all deserved it, but Steven didn't believe Marc should choose who lives and who dies, he shouldn't be the one to kill them. It clearly weighed on him. Marc knew better. But Marc tried so, so hard to keep Steven safe. Trying to shield him from Marc's memories of his childhood, trying to give him the best life he could. Marc was right, that was the point of him, Steven got to remember a mother who loved him. Marc didn't. Marc couldn't be all bad. Steven supposed nothing was black and white. When Khonshu found Marc, he was going to kill himself. Steven had never felt that way, never felt the need. Whatever fucked up shit Marc did, it had protected Steven from that. Steven's eyes drooped.

"And you, why you wanna stay?

Oh my God! Have you listened to me lately?

Lately, I've been going crazy...

And you, why you wanna stay?

Oh my God! Have you listened to me lately?

Lately, I've been fucking crazy..."

And then there is the fact he wasn't real. That was a big one of course. But he had to be! He had memories, family, friends... Sort of. He had a life of sorts. And wasn't that the same thing? How was he any less real than Marc? Of course, there was a third person. A third person that Marc didn't know about, so fat lot of good Marc was there, eh? Another matter for another day, he supposed. And Layla... Marc's wife... Bit odd to be falling in love with your secret identity's wife, but there he was. Technically, that was his wife too, right? No, no Steven realized he couldn't insist he was separate from Marc and still rationalize Layla. She really was beautiful, and another mystery to him. She was fascinating. What she wanted with him and Marc, he'd never understand. They were a broken people. Marc called himself a killer, Marc knew. Marc thought far less of himself than Steven did of Marc. Not that Steven didn't take issue with Marc's killing, but Marc was a good man. Khonshu took advantage of Marc. Marc said that Khonshu turned him into what he always was, but Steven wasn't without empathy. This line of thought was just the echo of Marc's mother after his brother's death. A true born killer would never remember everyone he has killed. Marc was different. The room was warm, Steven felt himself losing control of his alertness, and soon he knew it would be the body.

"There are some nights I wait for someone to save us

But I never look inward, try not to look upward

And some nights I pray a sign is gonna come to me"

God, something had to be done, something had to change. Steven was exhausted. He spent forever trying to avoid sleep for fear of what was happening when he slept. In some sense, it was good to know he was right and not just paranoid. Bad things were happening. He was a bloody murderer for fucks sake. There was something Harrow had said in his... dream? His afterlife? His purgatory? Steven didn't know what to call it, but when Harrow was the doctor in the fake psych ward, he had told Marc he needed to look inward. What did that mean? Did that mean Steven? Steven was created for Marc after all. Or did Marc have to save himself? If Marc fixed himself, where would Steven go? Steven supposed this was where a lot of people found God, innit? A bit of a crisis to get the religion pumping. Marc was Jewish. Steven didn't understand how that worked when he served an Egyptian god, and maybe Marc didn’t really get it either,but Steven supposed it wasn't his place to badger a Jewish person on their beliefs. They'd been enough as a whole, and Marc himself had been through a lot of his own; enough to make anyone lose their faith. Steven remembered Marc throwing his Yamaka to the ground. You'd think that meant Marc had given up on his God... But the way he picked it back up again and begged forgiveness... he really tried. He was only killing predators, after all, bad people. Was that so bad? Steven couldn’t imagine a God that would condemn Marc, after everything.

Gods, he was tired. So, so tired...

"But usually... I'm just trying to get some sleep."

Steven let sleep take him, and tonight, Marc let Steven sleep.

[cdyssey]

Need

Summary: After Nick arrives at the beach house, Frankie escapes to her studio to process her emotions. Post 7x04.

A/N: I've had such Grace and Frankie brain rot these past few days that I figured I should put it to good use and write another fic. It was really fascinating to try Frankie's POV. Lily Tomlin imbues her with a lot of subtle pathos that I totally wish the show would explicitly explore more.

AO3 Link

—

Frankie excuses herself to the studio for dinner, so she can process her very big, astonishingly inappropriate, and entirely overwhelming emotions without resorting to calling Nick a “wavy-haired, Pierce Brosnan wannabe douche canoe.” 

As delightful (and totally true) of a turn a phrase that it is, even she knows that saying it aloud would be trespassing a boundary that she’s sworn herself never to cross: Grace is married.

Unhappily married, maybe. 

Complicatedly married at the very least.

But until the day that they mutually say “I do” to divorce papers, there isn’t enough room for three people in the Skolka marriage, however much that Grace—bless her increasingly unthawing heart—tries to ensure otherwise. 

So Frankie lets the newly reunited couple have their dinner alone under the guise of a generosity that she doesn’t exactly feel, and she takes leftover pasta into her studio to moodily pick around the bowl until her fettuccine looks less like fettuccine and more like unevenly perforated confetti.

(Woo fucking hoo.)

After a few minutes of this aggressively unconstructive practice, she places her nearly full bowl on a nearby work table and stretches out across her paint-stained couch, staring at the ceiling and resisting the reactionary urge to light a joint. Mary J might help her feel better for the present moment, but tomorrow morning, she’d still wake up and feel invaded in her own home.

Paradoxically, she’d also feel alone, goddammit.

She pulls her shawl more tightly around her shoulders against an invisible and piercing chill.

Frankie hates feeling lonely.

She spiraled when Grace lived in the penthouse. She nearly self-destructed to fill the gaping void that her roommate, her friend, her practical and beloved soulmate left behind. There was a period where she didn’t wash her clothes and ate a lot of admittedly non-vegan takeout. There were nights when she’d lay awake in her awfully huge bed, staring at the empty space where Sol used to sleep, and have the familiar waking nightmare of spending her final years in forced solitude. She was happy with Jack, and then Jacob—sweet Jacob—came around too, and she did something she still feels fucking ashamed about: she hurt both of them, and she lied when she said that she had just wanted to have some fun.

She knows herself.

Intimately.

She‘d been scared of being alone again, so she tried to hold on to two people who were helping her to stave the awful feeling away. Those men wanted her, and Frankie used them. They wanted her, and she pathologically loves to feel wanted because she sometimes and irrationally fears that she might not be needed.

To be fair to her irrational fears, all the people she’s ever needed and felt needed by have hurt her before.

Sol cheated on her for twenty years.

Her own sons stuck her in a nursing home.

Grace just fucking left her.

She eloped in Vegas like a blushing twenty-one year old bride and just disappeared.

She says it was a mistake; she sat across Frankie in a sunlit restaurant and candidly told her that she didn’t like the person she had become when she married Nick.

And to be completely fair to her, Grace has been adamant about not wanting to leave again—so perhaps she never will—but if her husband is here to stay, it's also a distinct possibility that she’ll never have to make the choice to physically leave to… well… leave.

She can perpetually honeymoon with Nick and still call Frankie home. 

It could be a happy ending for Grace… and a fresh new hell for Frankie, who'd just started to feel secure again.

God knows she wants her best friend to be happy, but the big man in the sky must also surely understand that she had hoped that she alone could be enough for Grace, that this unconventional life spent together in the beach house—so crazy, so weird, and so inextricably entangled—would be their shared happily ever after.

But even as she thinks it, the vestiges of her clearly misplaced optimism begin to evade her, dregs now at the bottom of an already drained cup.

She and Grace aren't married.

It’s always been an objective fact.

Tonight, it feels more like an unpleasant reality.

When the door leading into her studio suddenly flies open, Frankie barely has enough time to swipe the back of her hand across her eyes before she sits up to find none other than the lady of the hour.

Her collared shirt popped up stiffly around her neck, a martini glass surgically glued to her right hand, Grace looks quintessentially herself as she walks in, even down to the minutiae of her trademark I'm-angry-at-the-world-and-everyone-in-it expression—brow furrowed and eyes Medusa cold. After all but slamming the door, she stalks over within a few clicks of her practical but unmistakably high heels.

“Well, hello to you, too, Sunshine,” Frankie greets wryly, hoping to hell and back that her face isn’t as red as it feels. 

It’s a tall order, though.

Alas, she was gifted (or equally cursed) with an exceptionally expressive face.

“Frankie, this is nonsense,” Grace says bluntly, using her martini glass like a pointer and leveling it straight at her head. “Come back to the house—your house—and have dinner with us.”

It’s the authoritarian nature of the demand that rifles Frankie.

Frankly, it pisses her off.

She’s always been a rebel contrarian.

“And by us, you mean you and your house arrested husband, right?” She returns evenly. She betrays herself by raising a single and devastatingly skeptical brow. “The man with whom you should be having a very emotionally honest conversation with right now about the parameters of your jacked up relationship?”

Grace shifts her weight from heel to heel and glances away a little too quickly for the gesture to be entirely natural. Frankie had blatantly stricken a pulsing nerve, and the guilt of doing so immediately swallows her. 

She shouldn’t be so hard on her friend.

(She doesn’t know why it’s permissible to be equally hard on herself.)

“Well, I tried to have that conversation, thank you very much, but then I ended up wanting to claw Nick’s eyes out.” The obvious follow up question must shine in Frankie’s face because sighing infinitesimally through her nostrils, Grace adds, “His attorney argued that my advanced age and apparent capability to croak at any moment were reasons enough to grant Nick leniency. They let him out so he could take care of me—whatever the hell that means.”

Her no-nonsense voice never falters as she delivers the brutal words, but her eyes undermine her, seething with emotion, simply roiling. They tell a story of horror and disgust and searing, absolute betrayal; they’re heavy all over with sadness and the indelicate trappings of all her raw and mercilessly exposed fears. 

Frankie understands immediately.

Nick used one of Grace’s deepest insecurities as a get-out-of-jail-free card.

Being eighty-two years old.

But perhaps more accurately, feeling like it.

“Oh, honey,” Frankie melts. She can do nothing else but melt, to be suddenly overcome with fierce, protective, and terrifying love for the woman in front of her. “That fucking bastard.”

Grace immediately laughs, the sound hoarse and watery and a little unhinged all at the exact same time.

“Tell me about it,” she half-smiles and takes the swearing as a rightful invitation to join Frankie on the couch. With a gentle clink, she sets her half-emptied martini glass on the table next to Frankie’s completely full pasta bowl. “I said the exact same thing.”

When she chooses to sit close enough that their shoulders are brushing, Frankie intuitively knows that this is petty defiance against Nick for daring to intrude upon them and the world they've so carefully created together.

She temples Grace’s nearest hand with her own in an attempt to silently communicate that this right here—whatever this is between them—is love.

“So, please”—Grace squeezes her hand back—“please don’t be angry with me… I… I didn’t want this. You know I didn’t want this. I don’t want him to even be here.”

Frankie stares openly at her best friend.

Wide-eyed and hopeful against her self-loathing, self-centered will, she searches her broken face like it's revelatory.

It's stunningly rare that Grace Hanson ever articulates her wants so clearly. Forty years of an emotionally repressive marriage did their number and toll on her. She pedestalized rigid decorum over every conscious desire. 

She played by the rules even if they hurt her.

And drank herself to oblivion on many a night to forget the very fact that she was hurt.

To deny herself the honesty she’d somehow convinced herself that she didn’t deserve.

“… you know this is your husband we’re talking about here, right?” It’s a rhetorical question. Frankie's pretty sure that they both fucking know that it’s insane that this conversation—that this entire situation as a whole—is happening. 

“I know,” Grace replies firmly. “Believe me, I'm well aware. But you’re… you’re my partner, Frankie, and if I can’t be upfront with you, then I don’t know who else I can turn to.”

The very word partner sends shivers down her spine, and the shivers collect like butterflies in her already churning belly.

It’s just a word, she tells herself. 

She scolds.

Grace doesn’t mean anything by it.

It's a label, and Grace doesn't do labels anymore.

“I... I wasn’t mad at you, Grace,” she finally admits. It's easier to do than questioning the extent to which her roommate would give up the world for her, but all the same, her voice is frighteningly weak, a pale imitation of everything Frankie usually projects herself to be: confident, cheerful, unshakeable, unshaken. Suddenly, it hits her that it’s been a very long time since she’s been so openly vulnerable, too. “I'm not even really all that mad at your jailbird husband either. I was just scared, and when I get scared, I skitter like a nervous little bug."

She shuts down.

She spirals.

She tries to put a smile on her face for the people who love her all the same.

And then she lies awake at night, drowning in the sheets of an empty bed.

Thinking about how she should probably tell someone that everything hurts.

But she’s Frankie, and she doesn’t do that.

Grace perpetually convinces herself that she doesn’t deserve honesty; Frankie has come to fear that no one wants her own.

“Were you scared of me?” Grace asks quietly, her grip so tight now that it almost stings.

“Frankie…” She presses when a few heartbeats of silence stagger by, limping painfully on all fours, pronouncing so many unspoken and profound hurts. 

“Of losing you, Grace,” she confesses, the words defeated and scraped raw. She forcefully tugs her hand away from Grace's just to temple her own hands together on her lap, to lick her sundry and shining wounds in a private corner. “I was scared of losing you, of being alone again in this big, empty house… and I don’t like being alone.”

She can’t bear to look at Grace as she says it, staring at the paint-flecked floor without ever really seeing it, her eyes burning.

She wishes they’d stop burning but feels the precise moment when they begin to leak anyway.

It’s all so embarrassing.

And childish.

Frankie is an eighty-year old woman, and she shouldn’t be upset over her best friend having a goddamn life.

She should be happy for her, fucking ecstatic.

And yet, she's—

But before she can complete the miserable thought, her body becomes aware of another sensation entirely—warm arms enveloping her from the side and inexorably pulling her in, turning the space that once existed between two bodies—between them—intangible, negligible.

Grace.

Shock turns into realization, and realization transforms into aching, sweeping relief.

It can only be Grace.

Grace’s soft lips pressed to her cheek.

Grace’s fingertips curling into the fabric of her dress.

Grace’s nose against her neck as she slides her sharp chin across her shoulder.

“I’m not leaving you, Frances Bergstein,” she declares. “Whatever happens between me and Nick, in the end, it’s going to be just you and me in this house that is our damn home. I swear that to you. I’d tell you every day just to prove it to you.”

Oh, these words.

These beautiful, tender, and long-needed-to-hear words.

They’re just words, she could tell herself again.

She could lie.

She could convince herself if she had to.

She could conveniently forget that Grace Hanson uses language carefully, that she employs every sentence with scalpel-like precision.

Or... more complicatedly still... Frankie could believe her.

Frankie could blindly accept these words for what they are, as manifest confirmation that she is loved by another—prioritized and cared for and needed.

She could be Grace’s partner and let that incredible word be electrically charged with so many complex and ridiculous and extraordinary ideas, none of which are traditional, and all of which feel true.

She could believe in her even if belief is not simple, even if belief is a product, first and foremost, of trust.

And Grace has certainly lost her trust before, but goddammit, she's earned it so many times, too.

“Oh, God,” Frankie laughs in such a way that it’s stupidly clear that she’s crying as Grace rubs slow circles into her back with her thumb. “This is all messed up. You’re the one with a house arrested, tax evading husband. I should be the one comforting you.”

“The house arrested, tax evading husband doesn’t particularly faze me,” Grace chuckles, her voice low. “Seeing you hurting and upset does. My priorities are remarkably straight.”

“I’m not sure you know the meaning of that word,” she smiles weakly as they slowly and clumsily begin to extricate themselves from their tangled embrace. 

It’s hard to find themselves again.

To be apart.

“But I do,” Grace protests, emphatic and indignant and maybe even a few shades righteously pissed. “You’re the person I wanna share this crazy life with at the end of the day and every day. Why is that so hard to believe?”

“Because every day is an incredibly long time to be with me,” Frankie offers meekly, giving her one more perfect and easily acceptable copout, a neatly packaged excuse. 

She can be too much.

She knows this.

“It’s just the right amount of time to be with you,” Grace murmurs, reaching up to brush an errant tear away from Frankie’s cheek, her thumb lingering, her quivering palm. “You’re kind enough to love me, and I’m lucky enough to be loved by you... so let me return the favor, Frankie. Let me be here for you."

And to Grace’s credit in this fleeting moment, she continues to hold Frankie.

It's a promise to never let her go.

[darkobssessions]

Coping Tips for Autistic Women

I am compiling a list of resources for aspie women along with tips to manage symptoms and navigate the world. Regretably, most of my personal experience comes from living undiagnosed and unaware about this for the last 27 years. There was a giant elephant in the room with everything, and I have only recently worked it out. This means that most of my habits prior to this point were ones attempting to cope with a giant unknown, the limits of which were unclear. But they more or less worked, because, as I am realising, there’s always been something they are attempting to address.

With other diagnoses and ways I attempted to explain and understand my difficulties, there were finite causes and treatments. I should have been improving if I tried x, y, or z. And I did improve my symptoms in many ways, but there was something missing from the picture. That is that autism is my personality, my state of being, how I process and view the world. And no tool, medication, process or treatment was ever going to change who I really was. Being misdiagnosed (or being missed and failing to receive the autism diagnosis) means that I have been trying to correct something that you cant ‘correct’, and shaming myself for something fundamentally me.

Some of the tips I learned over time, from how I am as a person, without the framework of reference of neurodivergence or autism:

Sensory:

My sensitivity has always been a big waving flag. I felt and saw things others didn’t. I felt more deeply. I sensed the microeffects and changes in everything. I responded harder and faster to any chemical, environmental shift, any positive or negative event, As we all do on the spectrum, we attempt to navigate our sensory environment. And we come up with coping mechanisms, good or bad, before or after we realise we are on the spectrum. For me this was a strong aversion to the things that upset me, that disturbed my senses. It was an orienting of myself in a way to avoid the disturbances, going inwards, withdrawing and even shutting down. I learned that I could not and did not want to handle crowds, loud places, supermarkets. I lived in a giant simulation attempting to minimise and avoid as much as possible the things that hurt. I learned that I was extremely sensitive, no one else seemed to be, and I just had to manage it. Since discovering autism in the last weeks, I am able to embrace the fact that sensory overload is a thing, and I really do feel pain in my body when things are too much and too loud, and just wearing earplugs has mitigated so much of this. I was gas lighting myself before about feeling a certain way because there was no explanation, that I was aware of anyway.

Physical:

I have had so many problems over the years, since I was a young girl. I used to get food poisoning symptoms really easily. I had hidden allergies. I remember a lot of my childhood spent doubled up with stomach pains, or having a fever. My family didn’t know any better and fed me and treated me as they did every other member. I was not the same, I did not feel the same, but I took it all in. By the time I was in my early teen years, I had cemented my aversion to certain foods, taken the only control I had at the time against an encroaching and controlling mother and turned it into anorexia. I avoided things I didn’t like, again, and set up a system of control that made more sense than the gaping wounds and confusion within me. Starvation triggered bulimia. And a viscous cycle of malnourishment and dysregulation unfolded. I didn’t learn until many, many years later that my system was so sensitive and damaged that if I tried to go back to how I used to eat as a child, I would get terrible symptoms. So my coping tips as I have healed from the eating disorders and become more aware is to figure out what the triggers are, what hurts, and to avoid it. This along with adding in nutrient dense foods and working on the deficiencies has done wonders for me. I’ve done tremendous work on my autoimmune conditions, gut problems, sensitivities and inflammation levels and the difference is like night and day. That I can induce psychotic symptoms by deviating or introducing foods I am intolerant to is no joke. The tip I can share is elimination diets truly do work, the keto diet is recommended, and eating the carnivorous way saved my life. My eating disorders for almost 15 years INCLUDING the 7.5 years I was a vegan, mostly high raw and fruitarian depleted my nutrients so badly that every symptom was enhanced 100% and I was eating pretty much ONLY food I was actually intolerant to. Ahem, plants, I’m talking to you. The peace I feel, the nourishment and rest on a nervous system level having eliminated them is unreal.

Social:

I have always known I was different, in a deep, visceral way. How the adults in my life answered questions was inadequate. I saw through people and things. I was far too intense and serious. I learned to watch and observe humans and pick up cues so as to attempt to fit in. I spent the majority of my life masking, something I am only now finding out about and unraveling. I kept notes on the human experience, and saved colours, sounds, feelings, because I felt like I couldn’t communicate the truth of myself otherwise. Over the course of my life there have been inexplicable (until now) events. Lost friendships and relationships, strings of broken promises, people not acting on what they say, confusions and miscommunications, and many dangerous situations and predatory bonds. I made what sense I could of it from whatever lens I could find. It was the trauma, it was my soul contract, it was what I deserved, it was being targeted- all close, but not quite within the realm of being so naive, open and fundamentally different as you are on the spectrum. I just always assumed everybody was like me. I had to learn the very extremely hard way that not everyone felt and thought in the same way, nor had good intentions. I still struggle with the fact that humans don’t tell the truth. It is of no relevance whether they secretly know it. Most people are more comfortable with illusions. I always knew this, but the diagnosis gives me a lot more peace around it. It’s allowing me to accept the fact that if I look around the majority of the people I see are not walking around processing and over-analysing everything, feeling sounds, decoding patterns and obsessed with hacking the code of reality. Less pressure that way, and more in the way of what can be viewed as natural interaction on my part. I will solve the mystery of the universe out loud otherwise, and get the blank looks and the discomfort. I have found my people, a tribe of likeminded individuals, I have gathered friends over the years that didn’t run from my weirdness. But I am mostly content to be on my own, knowing that I can only use what is around me to try to convey how I feel and who I really am. And that will probably be a book, a movie or a work of art, much better than a 2pm rendezvous when I can’t stop talking about the hidden signs.

Emotional:

With the intensity of my emotions I have developed borderline personality disorder as a means to cope with being autistic and not knowing. I have been diagnosed with both that and bipolar because I have intense stints of emotions. They come and go in waves, lasting hours, lasting days and weeks. I consider it to be an energy management system to cope with the demands and stressors of modern day living. Creatives always withdraw and hibernate, and come out with new insights and art to share. The way that I feel and view the world is special. It’s at the basis of my writing, what I choose to engage with and how. My emotions make me who I am. I feel intensely, I share passionately about how I feel. I snap, I break, I shutdown, I come out again and I am a bright, shooting star. There is an excited little animal that lives within me and it is the strongest most passionate thing known to man. I thought that my negative experiences or trauma killed it, but this is before I knew it IS me and cannot die. So I have stopped trying to cram these emotions in or explain them. Stopped trying to attribute them to whatever script people were following when they dealt with me. Throwing me into the depressive, anxious, panic stricken, eating disordered basket case category. The missing piece now makes so much sense. The ways I responded to being autistic were coping mechanisms, such as developing a personality disorder, to deal with the pressure. My psyche splintered under the weight. My tip here is in embracing your inner life and world, embracing that you are different, so that all of the mental and emotional acrobatics needed to attempt to explain the issues or fit in can be put to rest.

Spiritual:

Being different and feeling differently means I naturally saw and expressed things in quite a strange way. I was convinced of a secret world to reality, behind reality, living on behind a paper shell, so to speak, that would rip if only I could reach out and tear it aside. That conviction was rewarded as year after year my awareness grew, my gifts multiplied, and the experiences I had revealed to me the hidden hand of god. There was very much design to the universe, a pattern, weaving through all things. And i was a part of it, not some discarded afterthought or simple byproduct that had no place. In the early years, I kept my convictions to myself, nursed them with experience. I died a thousand deaths in dark nights of the soul, crashing against the turf of my ignorance. I broke open, and everything I had been so sure of as a child was revealed to me again and again. I was convinced I had a purpose, I could feel the deep tides of human emotion and motion, could feel into the genetic sequence that had birthed me. I felt like an alien, but that slowly over time the map of my operation was being revealed to me. This is what it feels like so many years later to stand here and find out about being autistic and realise that how I felt in my soul all these years was real, and that I can begin to truly fulfill this mission now, to share my experience in words I know others will understand because they feel the same way too. It was the challenges that I never understood, while the gifts were the reason to stay alive. My message to myself and others now is that there is a point, a reason to persevere and understand yourself more. The suffering reveals so much of the true state of things, so that we can protect our tender hearts and build new things that honour who we really are, our souls. 

Resources, movies, literature to follow. I just wanted to share something of a summary now of my realisations since coming home to myself.

[who-ever-said-i-was-nice]

Mtach up thing please! <3

Female, INFJ-T, Sagittarius. 155cm (tiny potato, just dont smash it on my face or I will get insecure)I would never, brown eyes, long light brown hair, pale with freckless. Average-skinny. Wear glasses for study/work which is basically 24/7 same and have some tattoos here and there.

I think Im more of an ambivert but more close to the introvert side. I’m smiley but still people tend to tell me that they thought I was rude (or directly a bitch) highly doubt it they just jealous but found out I’m not that bad, guess that’s on bitch resting face :( nope :) better. Socially awkward but after I get comfortable I fool around a lot, memes and vine references give me life. I tend to do the opposite of what I’ve been told just because I don’t like it when people order me things.pffff can relate Tho I’m shy I will not hesitate to step up if someone is being rude with someone specially if is towards a friend or someone close to me. I try to be very caring and supportive for anything you will need but also empathic, I cry if someone cries kjdfhgk but try to hold it together so I can help and not make feel worse the other person you seem very nice pls be my friend

I’m sensitive, I get stressed and anxious easily and for that I constantly have headaches and stomach ache,noooooo :( I have a whole self-care routine to help me with that or else I will, without a doubt ,get sick. I don’t like places that are too crowded or very loud noises, it makes me nervous. I’m your “will cry if gets too anxious” person. yup you are to innocent and cute to be my friend I’m either “Mama bear” scary or “will murder you in your sleep” scary.....I’m just a marshmallow tho

I like reading welcome to the bookworm club, learning random things. I love art in general, music, painting, dancing, etc. I love animals too! All of them, cats, dogs, birds, frogs, please let them all in(but my weak spot are cats, I cant deny it). I’m vegan, try to make it the most healthy possible (eating well, taking vitamin D and B12 to not die that was funnier than all of my jokes combined i died ). Sugar is my passion and my minimum 4 tsp of sugar per coffee knows it(this is where the I eAt HeAlThYy goes to hell xD damn right lmao, you still healthier then me). When it comes to music I like a bit of everything, I will be listening alternative rock or metal and then jump to kpop, tho I’ve been into chill lofi lately, specially when is mix of a series or movie cause nostalgia hits hard and I’m into that shit kjhjk I also have a playlist of Disney, anime or movie songs/soundtracks because it helps me to study or work more motivated, your girl needs motivation to not stare into space for 1 hour straight,kjkiijjioh same tho Im quite disperse, I always forget where I put things and then blame the goblins for that, but it turns out, it was on my hand all the time lollol

I study art online, I want to be a concept or background artist for animation, I used to study animation on a university but dropped because the pressure was too much and never could get along with the university itself, every week was a fight about something (Im not problematic I swear, I try to be the most chill out-care free possible but I swear the system is horrible here :( )yeah it happens sucks that you had to go through it. I’m also learning complimentary therapies! (I think that’s how it is on english) Reiki, tarot, pendulum, past lifes and such, Im into esoterical/”mystical” things.

For hobbies I do embroidery, sewing, read, stare into space for 1 hour and yoga (this is part of the self care routine to not die).

My favorite season is autumn or early spring, I dont handle too hot weather or the sun well, I like winter and rainy days but then I get so cold that I invernate on bed the whole day.

For relationships I think communication is key, I know is not easy but is the only way to make it work :( and cuddles, please cuddle me and pet my head, I will be on your palms if you scratch my head. I can be very touchy, like holding hands and hugs but I dont like it if someone who is not a very close friend or my partner does it, I just dont know how to react or do kfdhlk I prefer my personal space untouched :(  Im so sorry it was so long!! I wanted to do it very detailed but sHoRt to not make you think so hard with who match up me but maybe tmi is just the opposite for you, if so Im truly sorry! :( I think you are an angel just for trying to match up me with someone <3 ahhh, yes, the matchup (take a shot for everytime i said match up on this paragraph game) for ikevamp please! <3

4 shots huh.Ahahahahhahhhahahhahahhhah...... Don’t worry about the length. The longer the better right. Right? I’m nasty I’ll stop. Also yes I went through it and left little notes within the text. Why, because I’m cool. Hopefully. One day. Anyway!

I matched you with...............

                                        .......................ISAAC!!!!!

My sweet baby angel little boy

Isaac is very,very shy so it took him some time to warm up to you

but that does not mean that he didn’t like you

oh no no no

on the contrary

Isaac died every single time you passed him

he didn’t understand how someone could be so perfect

you took his breath away

him not being the tales man actually liked that you were shorter then him

you see, because men are supposed t be tall and strong and all that crap, plus being around Leo, who scores a 10 in all of those, made him quite insecure about his, well, actually everything

the way he talked, or rather didn’t, his height, that fact that he wasn’t jacked like some of the guys in the mansion, or, you know, at least in his mind

he isn’t exactly the fighter type either

he’s a scientist after all, not a worrier

and this made him feel like he didn’t deserve you, because he couldn’t protect you

 oh my, sweetheart no

you on the other hand, think he is amazing

I mean not all people know all the constellations name and position by heart, nor can they carve amazingly cute wooden toys and decorations, nor are the university professores and just so happen to be an absolute physics geniuses so yeah

both of you being quite reserved, it took you ages to get together

but when you did it was the most amazing thing ever

he confessed to you one night while you where stargazing

it went a little something like this:

You: Thank you for bringing me out. It’s so beautiful!

Isaac: Yes. Like you.

You: *eyes emoji*

Isaac takes your hand, blushes hard, and even though he wanted to look into your eyes he couldn’t bring himself to, in fear of loosing himself in them

“Y/n ever since I first laid eyes on you I knew that I needed you in my life. You make me feel so comfortable by the just being here with me. You are funny, lighthearted and so welcoming and accepting. I love when you sit next to me in the library, I love it when we stargaze, I love how you ask me oh so many questions. How you are so eager to learn everything. Yet you are so quiet and shy. It’s amazing really. and in those moments I fell like I love it even more. The comfortable silence we can both sit in. The look we share, were we somehow always know what the other is thinking without even asking. I love your hair falls and frames your face perfectly. Those adorable freckles are driving me mad you know? Your petite features always astound me. So small yet so pretty. How is it even possible? However I don’t expect you to reciprocate my feelings. It doesn’t matter how much I adore you, I can’t protect you. I am not what a man is supposed to be. I’m not strong and tough Y/n, I’m just a scientist. However I felt the need to tell you this. To tell you my true feeling. I love you Y/N. I really do.”

Isaac sat there with tears streaming down his face

he couldn’t look at you

he just waited for the rejection to slap him in the face

however it didn’t come

you cupped his wet cheek gently and he looked up to see your tear stained face

you slowly pull him towards you and kiss him

it was so gentle and full of love

you pulled away tears still pouring down your faces

however these weren’t tears of sadness, but of joy

you both laughed as Isaac pulled you into a hug

well.....

i may or may not be crying writing this

yes I definitely am that is totally the case

anywhoo

after this it is smooth sailing

cutest couple ever

And that is it! Sorry if this is lame and it literally took forever. Thank you for the request though.! Have an amazing day and be safe!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #371

“some of those that work forces are the same that burn crosses”

What is one song you feel as though you sing particularly well, if any? Probably none, lol. What was the last lengthy task you completed? I love these unique questions I've had lately, but damn, are a lot of my answers "I don't know," lol. What type of photography do you enjoy looking at? Do you take any photos yourself, and if so, what types of things do you prefer to photograph? I love floral and wildlife photography. Landscapes, too, and I have a great fondness for boudoir for reasons I've mentioned in previous surveys. I like taking nature pictures, mainly. Have you ever gone out for the Black Friday shopping rush? Did you enjoy it, or not so much? Or, what’s the busiest shopping day you’ve ever experienced? Hell no, that's a hard pass. I'm sure the busiest shopping experience I've had was like at the mall or something around Christmas, idk. Do you enjoy reading diaries or stories you wrote from when you were younger, or does it embarrass you? If you’ve kept them, was there a particular reason for hanging on to them so long? NO. I DON'T. BECAUSE I CRINGE INTO ANOTHER DIMENSION. I keep a lot of it for memory's sake, but goddamn, is it always embarrassing. What would you say was your first true hobby? What about your most recently developed one? Um... the first thing I really remember is video games. I played Spyro like, a LOT, along with other childhood games. I was just really into gaming at a young age. Is there one thing that throws off your mood more than others, whether it be lack of sleep, lack of food, heat/cold, etc., and when was the last time you felt especially cranky? THE HEAT. I become so irritable. I was needlessly cranky a few days ago for whatever reason. What kinds of things are you likely to complain about? My legs hurting, more than anything. Also being hot. Do you like to put any extra effort into your food in terms of presentation, or do you prefer to just put it on a plate and eat it as it is, no frills? Ha, no. It's not gonna look fancy in my stomach, so whatever. Have you ever dated someone who had kids? No, and I very much doubt I ever would. Are there any candles in the room with you? No. Does the last person you kissed have tattoos? No, but I tell her all the time that dainty nature tattoos would be THE most beautiful on her. When was the last time someone called you pretty? I think when I last updated my Facebook profile picture. Do you like the color pink? It's my favorite! Does your cell phone have a case on it? What color? It came with this thin purple one. What was the last song you had on repeat? "Moon Baby" by Godsmack. Ever kissed someone your parents hated? No. Your most recent ex says he/she hates you, you say? I wouldn't *say* anything, I'd break down sobbing. Would you feel hurt if your last ex was in a relationship? No. Have you ever had to choose between two people? Yes: Jason and Juan. Juan and I dated for less than a day not all that long before Jason and I got together, and Juan was pretty upset. He was nooot a fan of Jason due to a shared ex-girlfriend. Jason, meanwhile, just didn't care. What is the saddest thing that has happened to you? What about the happiest? I think the saddest thing has to be my breakup, especially when you know just how madly in love I was with him and had endless trust that he would never leave, and then he was gone in a flash one night. The happiest is, in turn, my recovery from said split. I found strength in myself and felt hope for once as I learned coping mechanics and got a psychiatrist that was worth a shit in my partial hospitalization program. What was the last new drink you discovered that was delicious? *shrug* Do you have a YouTube channel? Yes. I don't make videos anymore, though. Were you happy as a teenager? God no, my depression was awful. What do you do for your mom on Mother’s Day? Sigh. Not enough. I just tell her happy Mother's Day, give her a hug, and try to be an extra good daughter. Do you know anyone who follows a raw vegan diet and lifestyle? No. Can you go see a doctor alone or do you like to take someone with you? I can do it alone (but only have once), but I like to bring my mom with me still. Would you have sex with someone of the same gender as you? I'm bi, so. Have you ever had a concussion? One or two, I can't remember. How many dresses do you own? Zero. Do you know anyone who has a pet gecko? Yeah, my friend Summer has a darling leopard gecko. I want oneeeeee. They look so damn derpy and adorable, and their chill demeanor is something I really like in pets. Would you ever go bear hunting? No. Absolutely never. Do you prefer drawing or painting? Any particular reason why? Drawing, for sure. At least you can erase stuff, and paint is just so messy. Do you like raisins? NO THANKS MAN. Do you remember your locker combinations from high school? Nope. Do you forget to flip the page of your calendar at the start of each month? I don't have a calendar. Are you racist to any race? Nope. Have you ever intentionally hurt an animal? I've given cats and dogs a small pop on the rear, but nothing more than that. I hate doing even that, but with the language barrier and all, sometimes it's the only way to get your point across. Do you own any autographed memorabilia? No. Have you ever dated a twin? No. Oreos or Chips Ahoy? Oreos. Have you ever considered being a cop? Yeah, no thank you. What’s your favorite superhero movie? Maybe Logan. I thought it was very emotional and just overall a good movie. Name somebody you know who deserves a better life than they have: MY MOM. Name something that you’re good at but don’t like: uhhhhhhhh Name something that you’re bad at but DO like: Dancing, maybe. Which is worse: Stale chips or flat soda? Stale chips, for sure. It's certainly not my preference, but I can drink flat soda. Who’s the hottest guy and hottest girl out there? M-Mark Fischbach. :') Girl... let's seeeeee... maybe Alissa White-Gluz from Arch Enemy. GodDAMN what a WOMAN. ❤_❤ Do you ever trip over your pets? Yes, because he just looooves to follow me at my feet. What’s your relationship like with your exes? Aaron, Juan, Jason, and Tyler: nonexistent. Sara and Girt: great. What was the last thing you turned down doing? Going to my nephew's t-ball game. I always feel bad when I say no when Mom asks if I wanna go... but at least the kids know I just don't handle the heat well. Are you a party animal? Faaaaar from it, my friend. Who are you the biggest fan of? m-m-m-mMARKIPLIER You’re DJ for the night - first track to get everyone going? Uhhhh maybe "Party Hard" by Andrew W.K.? Have you ever been hit on by a pushy person? I think Juan was kinda pushy, but not to an uncomfortable degree. He respected what I felt. What accent do you find attractive? Most attractive, British. But I also really like Scottish and Irish. Also French accents in women I tend to find very beautiful-sounding. Have you ever had feelings for a friend's partner? Yes. What’s your favorite thing to do that doesn’t cost much? Drive around take pictures, maybe? Let's, uh, ignore the whole gas crisis in this answer. When in danger are you more fight or flight? Flight. Do you feel self conscious about a certain body part? *gestures to entire body* Have you been accused of being manipulative? Yes. Have you ever considered violence to solve your problem? No. Are you romantic? I personally think so. If you are a smoker, how long does a pack typically last you? If you aren’t a smoker, does anybody you are close to smoke, & if so, are you against the fact that they’re a smoker? I don't smoke. To answer the next part, yes, like my dad and stepmom. I wish they would stop so badly, like it's literally going to kill them both. Do you have more subscribers or more people that you are subscribed to? On YouTube? I'm definitely subscribed to waaay more people. Is there anything that has been drilled into your brain since you were young & you finally decided to stop listening to? How did it feel once you decided to listen to yourself over what you were told? Yes: "finish your plate." Teaching your kid to eat beyond their comfort can be very destructive, and I'm glad I never stuck to that once Mom stopped enforcing it. If you are currently in a relationship, what is one thing that seems to be unique or different about your relationship with this person, compared to other relationships in general? If you are currently single, is this more of a choice or is it more just the way things are going, not really something you chose? If you are neither “single” or officially in a relationship, what are your feelings on your current situation? I'm single, and it's just how it is. I know realistically I wouldn't tell what felt like the right person no, but it really is probably better that I stay single and keep figuring my shit out. Think of somebody famous that you have a lot of respect for. What is something that you really admire them for? To name just one thing I admire in Mark, his relentless "I'm going to do this no matter what" attitude is very inspirational to me. He lets like... n-o-t-h-i-n-g get in his way. If somebody were to leave a harsh comment on a survey you took, judging you on one of your opinions, how would you react? I'd get pretty self-conscious, just because I in general take judgment quite poorly. I obsess over "what if they're right, and you're just an idiot?". Are there any other sites you use to find surveys to take? What sites do you use? I mainly use Tumblr and LiveJournal, but in times of great desperation, I'll use Bzoink and just google surveys as well, haha. Have you sent or received any friend requests on Facebook lately? Not sent, but I got one from someone I had no mutual friends with the other day. Safe to say I declined it. Can you recall the last time you turned down an offer, of any kind? Uhhhhh no. Which fruit would you say you eat the most often? Apples. What was your pet’s last vet visit concerning? Roman has been to the vet once to get neutered (and I think shots?). I took Venus many years ago because I thought she had a respiratory infection. Thank god, she didn't. Which animals do you tend to go check out first at pet stores? The reptiles, snakes in particular. Have you ever been a victim of a house fire? No. What’s the longest you’ve ever had to wait before being seated at a restaurant? Like, over an hour. Have you ever had a cavity before? How about a root canal? A tooth pulled? Braces? Cavities and braces, yes. What is your favorite zoo animal that you would like to set free? Probably polar bears. Like especially here, it gets so hot in the summer, and the poor things sometimes only have a bit of snow in the shade. Like... they can't be very happy. Especially when you see those videos of them playing in snow, and then you think about situations like our zoo here... ugh. What kinds of artifacts fascinate you? I really think old figurines built with like clay and stuff are cool. But all artifacts I find to be very intriguing. It's so interesting to see that the desire to create has always been with us as a species. Is there anyone that you’ve visited in jail? No.

[cloveroctobers]

HENRIK LILJENQUIST—

IG info/Bio: @/adventuresbyhenrik | 53.1k followers — “imma wild boi🌿🌏🧗 | happily taken👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨

23 (24) years old

Parents are both Swedish and only speak Swedish, leaving henrik to also become fluent

His father Halvi is a pilot

His mother Lova is a race car driver

Siblings? Probably a brother, named Jahan & younger by two or three years + they get along quite well

Born & raised in Isle of Wight, England + loves it there & thinks it’s the best place for him to live, it’s his own private island in his mind plus he’s always finding something to do. He stays active

Climbing & wilderness survival instructor, he gets to talk as much as he wants while also teaching people AND all while being active! Sounds like the perfect job for him

Probably developed ADHD around his pre-teen age, leaving his parents to find him something he enjoys + can slow down and focus on

used to be on meds for it

Was well-known in high school, probably in the yearbook club since he was able to run around & get to know people but was kinda shit at knowing the functions of a camera

His selfie game has gotten a lot better now but he mostly posts anything but his face. You’ll see more of his face on his stories & location shots on his feed

Feels his hair is his best physical feature & his prized possession, would never THINK about cutting it. Even just a trim is a bit much for him

Always tries to be positive but at the same time can be condescending since he sometimes won’t pick his words wisely ex.) when he gave MC a backhanded “compliment” about makeup, being active, + wanting them to “think of others ” feelings — just because someone is opposite from you doesn’t mean you have to shit on the way they carry themselves...that’s my issue with him

maybe he’s a Taurus?

Loves fall & spring, more so fall since that’s when the weather feels nicest to him plus allergy season is a REAL bitch

The guy’s real Adventurous & always managing to find something to do. If you’re ever bored just hit him up, he has plenty of recommendations 

Family owns a cottage & he’s the one who goes out there more than his own family does! “You should just sell it to me at this point!” He tells his parents over dinner often & it is strongly considered

Has five birds & a husky, when he goes on road trips they’re always with him. Which can get a little hectic at times but they’re his family, he’s a, “birdog dad”

BLAKE secretly dislikes them all, feeling like they take up space sometimes (especially when she wants to cuddle) but she deals with it since she cares for the guy — yes, they’re still dating

She’s been convincing him to cut a few inches off of his hair which he took like a slap in the face, “that’s like me asking you to quit speaking up for humans!” “No, no it’s not.”

They’re polar opposites with flaws which causes disagreements between the two of them by putting each other in their places but they learn to compromise? (*insert eartha Kitt gif laughing here*] if they want this to work

His mother seems to be the only one who dislikes blake (she strongly feels he should have bought MC back home...that’s right she watched the show from time to time. Not always since she doesn’t care for reality tv but her friends encouraged her to watch bits and pieces) while his dad and brother approve

It is tense when Blake and his mom are in the same room which makes Henrik sad since he believes Blake deserves a chance. He took a chance on her and it seems to be going pretty well so why couldn’t his mother just be happy for him like the rest of the family is?

Henrik loves his low-maintenance girls who are open to trying new things with him, Blake is usually down most of the time but she likes her personal space too..which henrik struggles to understand

He wants her to live with him, he’s sure his parents will let him have the cottage if Blake decides to live with him but Blake loves her freedom in Kingston

It’s hidden but I feel like he might be one of those guys that feels like “a woman should follow a man” since that’s what his father installed into his boys— which failed because his wife isn’t just a housewife, she has goals and went after them

I feel like Blake turns to social media almost always to post about her feelings (I can’t remember what I picked the first time around as my occupation but as I’m currently playing I picked human rights campaigner so) but it’s mostly subtle shade & it always goes recognized by fans which brings drama between her, mc x Bobby

Henrik jumps in because what kind of guy would he be if he didn’t have his gf’s back? Doesn’t care for the drama but he & Bobby usually said slick shit to each other in the villa, it’s safe to say they’re not really friends but they’re not enemies either that’s mostly between their gf/wife

Henrik doesn’t care enough about Bobby to dislike him but he won’t put up with his shit any longer and what easier way to do that than online? He feels like they can settle this with a phone call but Blake & MC aren’t with the shits and don’t want their men speaking to each other

Henrik & Bobby eventually have a chat in secret anyways

Henrik warns Blake that this can effect her job status if she doesn’t calm down since she uses social media for her cause

She usually knows when to stop but can’t help it if it slips out sometimes

They talk it out and move on usually with whatever fun idea henrik may have

Owns a ford bronco from the 90’s that used to be his uncle’s who builds tree houses for a living and is still running, a jeep gladitor, or some sort of pickup truck

Knows how to make the best apricot jam

All about saving the bees

Loves animals, probably on his journey to veganism if he’s not already there

We all know this fucking guy likes eating M0sS

“Embarrassing fact” but uh big fan of twilight, feels like Seth Clearwater and him are meant to be best buds but he also stans the Volturi ��

Him and Lucas of course remained the best of mates, since they live 2 hrs away from each other and are always busy living their lives they always have to plan out when they can hangout but that fails 60% of the time when henrik pops up at Lucas’ job or at his flat not giving him a choice but to hang out

They’re always vacationing together too? Sure Henrik is his own version of low-key while Lucas likes a bit of luxury...they still find a balance to just have a good time regardless if they live different lifestyles...they’re basically married

Always texting if they’re not hanging out, henrik with his memes that Lucas doesn’t understand & Lucas just checking in on henrik’s well being which leads the conversation to many topics

He’s actually cool with Gary now? They like/comment on each other’s posts & even text here and there

Even ran into Rocco once on a road trip, that was interesting but when life gives you lemons...we’ll just say that

Even him and Ibrahim share recommendations through text or DM’s which is nice! Henrik is always down for friends even tho they’re not like his personal friends (except for Lucas, he fits into his criteria)

Most of his work is physical and talking but he goes the extra mile by hiking every Sunday either with his friends, Blake, or family — he’s genuinely likes being one with nature

If he’s at the cottage, he’s always outside, chopping extra wood, making sure the yard looks like it belongs on a magazine, or takes the boat out on lake to nap since he doesn’t like to fish as much anymore

Currently trying to grow strawberries but some animal keeps eating them :/

Adores adventure time, the x-files, bobs burgers + animal planet, and travel channels—like he’s a real dad

If he could shower outside everyday, he would, it’s such a freeing experience to him

His outings consist of being in the woods 24/7 so in his mind when he brings Blake out there with him, it’s a version of a date, whenever they spend time together is a date to him, which she has to remind him that she wants to do something different like getting dressed up every now and then + go out to dinner which he HATES but he’ll do his best to please her, as long as the restaurant is more earthy than snobby he’s okay

100% would survive the apocalypse, he knows how to make due with what he’s got, he’s always been that way

Enjoys rom-com’s so he’ll laugh at how cringe they are but still enjoy it, indie films, ALITA was the best film of 2019 to him & currently his fav film is, “the call of the wild” with Harrison Ford

His favorite films ever are Indiana Jones, Lara Coft: Tomb raider, Terminator, and I am legend

Aliens ARE real, they’re out there and he’ll be part of the reason they’ve been exposed

I feel like he wanted to be an astronaut growing up but then realized he’d be a confined space for long periods of time and said cancel that shit lol + he isn’t the greatest at science. History? He did real well in that subject

I think he loves Lorde, listens to Bon Iver—especially on early morning commutes to work, Rex Orange County, Omar Apollo, Joji, the nbhd, the driver era, kid cudi...yktfv

Celeb crushes?/types: The main girls from Charlie’s angels 2019, Alexa PenaVega... “you know Carmen from spy kids?” Diana silvers, Dove Cameron, JAMIE CHUNG, & VANESSA HUDGENS

Anthem = Wallows, “OK”

[jyndor]

so I was talking to my friend @timelordthirteen about some shit and I decided to just share with you all about the importance of actually explaining shit instead of just saying it. the Left, I am looking at you bitch (ily bitch but)

lol would put a read more but tumblr's being a petty little bitch today ❤

shitposting is fun. dunking on asshat right wingers is fun. you know what is not fun? seeing people not understand the basic terminology that we use in the ~discourse*

but. if we are going to use terminology, if we are going to inject regular old laypeople conversations with (imo) unneccessary amounts of academic terms, then we should try to use them correctly** because in many cases misusing them means we as leftists do not have a full understanding of what the fuck we're on about. this dilutes both the meanings of these terms and their purposes. I know I am wordy as fuck and can be hard to understand sometimes (thanks adhd) so what I am about to say is a little ironic, but clarity is fucking important when it comes to strategy and organizing.

so I am going to examine some commonly misused concepts and terms today. yay.

1. THEORY, PRAXIS AND FRAMEWORKS FOR ANALYSIS weeee yes I am fun at parties tyvm

what is a framework? a structure, in this case, for analyzing some bullshit we deal with irl. that's it lol but I use it a lot so I figured I'd define it here. examples of frameworks are: intersectionality, marxism, queer theory. seriously, if you can think it, it has already been analyzed through the queer lens.

what is theory? ideas, knowledge in the abstract based on looking at shit happen and analyzing that shit. it is useful because it can help us articulate what we are going through in our shitty lives. this is why I often recommend people learn about chomsky's manufacturing consent (theory of why we get the info we get from the media tl;dr), not because I think chomsky is the ultimate leftist grandpa but because this site needs some media literacy lmao. and btw, this clip narrated by amy goodman is a great, trippy little 4:30 min long video that explains the basics of manufacturing consent so you don't have to open a book or use drugs!

theory can help serve as a framework to understand what the fuck is happening to us irl, but imo is kind of an incomplete understanding of shit without lived experience (aka - theory v praxis). this is one reason why we should listen to marginalized groups on their own shit and not talk over them - because all of the research and theory in the world does not make me a Black woman living in Flint (aka - ground up organizing v technocracy). it is not about being nice, or politically correct, although we should be nice and we should care about people just because they're people. if you understand the why of listening to marginalized groups, you understand that it is mainly about communities knowing their own problems best and therefore having the best solutions for those problems.

2. MARXISM, CAPITALISM AND OTHER BUZZWORDS (and leftists need hobbies)

so marxism is a framework for socioeconomic analysis observed by mr kpop himself, karl marx (and his sugar daddy friedrich engels). because leftists love to argue, there are so many kinds of marxism, and if you ever feel like you are shouting into the void too much, just look up some arguments between stalinists and trotskyists. it's just... magical. no, I am not defining tankie here.

as many people smarter than I am have said (read: kwame ture seriously watch this video it's iconic), karl marx did not discover socialism or invent it or whatever, he observed capitalism and saw how shitty it is, like any other sane person would do. the point of marxism is not karl marx (which he would say) or tankies or fuckin guillotines***

things that marxism is:

- an analytical tool for looking at the world

- a theory which was used to develop the basis of different kinds of post-capitalist economic systems like communism and socialism

things that marxism is not:

- a system of economics or government lmao marx did not govern dick

- scary

marx looked at capitalism and said "this is definitely gonna fail someday because it's clearly unsustainable, I mean the proletariat is bigger than the bourgeoisie who owns everything uh yeah so I can do basic fucking math. if I have one capitalist and fifteen hundred workers, eventually that capitalist is gonna lose his damn head because he is gonna hoard all that wealth and his workers are gonna get pissed that they don't have their basic fucking needs met. lmao now put on some kpop, freddy" or something. idk that might not be a direct quote.

what is capitalism? (besides horseshit) a system of economics where industry is privately owned. and yes, this includes publically traded corporations because they are still owned by individuals (shareholders) even if they aren't privately owned by one person or a group of partners. truly a nightmare to live in, and we hate to see it.

what is the proletariat? well, the working class. and the bourgeoisie is the owner class, the capitalist class. the rich.

and this is something else that we need to discuss, tumblr. if you are going to say "eat the rich" please understand who you are talking about. we're not talking about random actors or musicians, or doctors or lawyers, even if they make better than a liveable wage. even if they often have zero class consciousness, meaning they don't ~see class, like colorblind racism for classism.

anyone who has to sell their labor for wages and is not part of the owner class is working class. this includes people who cannot work for any multitude of reasons (disability, can't find work, caretaker, etc) and also white collar workers who might be well off in relatively high paying jobs because they don't own the means of production, or capital that is used to produce shit. so yes, that rich actor who is a part of a union is actually part of the working class in marxist theory. when we say eat the rich, we mean jeff bezos, not john boyega. jeff bezos owns the means of production. john boyega is a working actor who is in a union.

this is important not because we shouldn't get pissed off when actors and celebrities do tone deaf shit like singing about imagining no possessions in their mansions while people starve during a pandemic. they need to put their money to good use, have some class consciousness, instead of asking fans to donate to causes that they could fund. but they are not the bourgeoisie until they start owning the means of production. and there is no doubt that many of them do, which is why we might eat gwyneth paltrow but we won't eat john boyega.

and by the way, eating the rich is metaphorical, a reference to french revolution-era philosopher jean-jacques rousseau's quote: "when the people shall have nothing more to eat, they will eat the rich." obviously I don't even need to explain it but I will anyway. basically, the people will forcibly redistribute the wealth of the rich if they have nothing else. this is why there are some very smart capitalists who are in favor of reforms and raising taxes, because they recognize the danger to their necks in not providing for basic needs of the working class. no, "eat the rich" does not mean be pro-cannibalism. but there are many capitalists who would prefer to die than lose their hoard so

oh, and one last thing. "no ethical consumption in capitalism" is tossed around a lot and it's a million percent true, but I need all of us to understand that it is not an excuse to support harmful practices but it is also not meant to shame consumers. it is rather an understanding that we as consumers are not responsible for the monstrous impact of capitalism. we live in it, we have no choice but to consume, and sometimes (most of the time) that means we have to buy shit that was produced in unethical ways. unfortunately supply chains being what they are, all consumption causes harm in some way.

it is a reminder that individual actions are not going to have the impact of collection actions. this is why plastic bag bans, though well-meaning, are not going to have the same impact on climate catastrophe as, say, banning fossil fuels would.

I am a vegetarian and I can recognize that I am doing a whole lot of nothing by not supporting factory farms, and when I was a vegan I wasn't doing much either. boycotts without mass support don't have much evidence of working. this is why bds exists - boycott divestment and sanctions. boycott, meaning don't support goods from various conpanies connected to something, divestment, meaning get companies/countries/institutions to remove their money from something, and sanctions, meaning getting countries to penalize a country for their bad behavior until they comply.

this is what the anti-apartheid south africa movement did and what palestinian rights organizers support for israeli apartheid.

do not allow legislators to put the burden of fixing the ills of society that capitalism created on consumers' shoulders.

3. INTERSECTIONALITY (because it deserves its own section)

I don't have as much to say on this as I did the last bit because holy shit capitalism, man.

intersectionality, a term that was coined by law professor kimberlé crenshaw in the late 80s to serve as a framework for people to critically assess how legal structures impact Black women differently due to class, race and gender. it is not incompatible with marxism (in fact marxism has been argued to be a form of intersectionality).

intersectionality can and should be used to examine why the Black queer experience is unique, for example. I also want to acknowledge that professor crenshaw isn't the only person to come up with intersectionality; sojourner truth spoke about it even if she didn't coin the term, for example. patricia hill collins, another influential af Black feminist academic****, created frameworks for viewing intersectionality. also you can read her book black feminist thought here for free.

intersectionality has been used - improperly - by liberal feminists***** to excuse bad behavior from leaders who pretend to care about women while creating and enforcing legislation that harms women. anyone who stans politicians at all needs help. it has also been misrepresented as essentialism, which it is also not (essentialism is the idea that everything has some assets that are necessary to its identity) because intersectionality isn't saying that every Black queer woman has the same experience, just that Black queer women might experience similar issues because of a system that negatively views them as Black and queer and women.

intersectionality does not excuse kamala harris for prosecuting poor moms of truant kids.

okay if you guys have things to add please do because I want us to educate each other instead of always talking shit. both is good.

* I am not calling out people for not being academic enough or not speaking english or not reading enough theory because LOL I am a 2x neurodivergent college dropout who radicalized by working retail and not by hearing karl marx talk dirty to me. also, not everyone speaks english like, I am truly not shitting on people.

** I recognize that language is fluid and ever changing, and that is a good thing. But diluting terms that serve specific purposes is not ever going to be good.

*** and I don't want to dismiss intra-leftist theory discourse (🤢) because I know how annoying it is to hear bernie sanders lumped in with liz warren, or bernie sanders lumping himself in with post-capitalists lmao of course I get it. but twitter discourse is not dismantling capitalism so ANYWAY

**** actually crenshaw built on collins' work (black feminist thought) and the collins built on crenshaw' work we love to see it.

***** I should go ahead and define liberal feminism as well as rad fem and terf and shit because people use them all very very loosely, especially terf (not every transphobe is a terf but every terf is a transphobe, it's like the rectangle/square thing). but I am exhausted with this so next time.

[brookelynnsanders]

Practice Challenge 1 - Prompt 1

A/N a very big thank you to my amazing beta @freykitten for fixing my mess. Love you lots! Also thank you to @dawningofdrag for being my personal cheerleader! Hope you guys enjoy

In the Dream Girls and Pageant's flat the weekly post-lecture drinking session has just got started. An array of different whiskies, canned cocktails and wine litters the second hand dining table where Brooke’s Bachelor thesis has laid not five minutes earlier. A’keria pours herself and Brooke the second glass of scotch for the day - the first one was for calming their nerves while finishing up the last touches on their theses. Meanwhile, Nina helps Vanessa transform her favorite homemade dish, puerto rican pasteles de carne, into a vegan version - which seems to take longer than expected. Not really a surprise when considering the fact Vanessa’s abuelita had never used any proper measurements and just went with her gut. And if Brooke isn’t mistaken, she can hear Vanessa argue from the kitchen that the recipe just flows through her Latin blood, and therefore she needs no “motherfucking measurements”. The blonde can only chuckle and slightly shake her head before taking another sip from her drink. 

“Kiki, have you seen Silky?” Brooke asks out loud, surprised by how relatively quiet the shared household is. The only noises to be heard coming from the kitchen, and, for once, they don’t even include wild chatter or singing.

“If I remember correctly, she wandered off to buy some pastries, but who knows where Big Silk actually is,” A’keria answers without even taking her eyes off her phone for a second. Her manicured fingers swiping left and right across the screen. 

“Are you on tinder again?” A teasing smile present on her lips.

“You fucking know I am.” The snip of her fingers highlights her cocky attitude, knowing damn well most mean swoon over her. Fall for her feisty but wise dementor within seconds.

“Have you matched with- ” The blond starts, before getting cut off mid sentence.

“Guys, girls, and nonbinary pals - I have humongous news!” Silky bursts through the entrance, adding an extra door slam for the shock value. Three pairs of blown wide pupils stare at her - not necessarily in shock, rather in anticipation.

“Spit it out!” Vanessa shouts as Nina popps her head through the doorframe as well. Intrigued by the ongoing comotion - not even bothering about getting the sauce stains off her cheek.

“The application letters for Prince Arin Schreave’s Selection just arrived.”

For a second the world stands still. Everyone, including Brooke, holds their breath. The calm before the storm.

This sentence alone is enough for hell to break loose in the tiny college apartment. Vanessa and A’keria flock around Silky like pigeons waiting for seed to be tossed at them. Vanjie, the shortest of the trio, bounces like a ball around the other two, making up a song with random Spanish words and screeching at the top of her lungs, while A’keria and Silky argue about who would be a better queen. Nina simply settles by Brooke’s side with a small cuckle, brushing her blonde fringe out of the way. Both only roll their eyes, having forgotten about the Selection since the day it has been announced. There've been way more important things on Brooke’s mind - like how many additional hours she needs to spend in the lab to gain extra credit.

"How can someone be so excited about being objectified by the entire nation," Brooke mumbles to herself - very unimpressed by the whole ordeal, not really understanding the hype around the upcoming Selection. How come that her 20 something year old friends turned into 12 year old teenage girls dreaming about life as a royal within seconds? 

Hormones - I guess.

"Because this ass deserves to be objectified," Silky whoops, putting on an entire twerking show in the living room with Vanjie and A’keria hyping her up and joining the jelly shaking. Usually Brooke finds her friends intoxicating goofiness amusing without any alcohol in her system. Apparently, today is not the day. So she falls back into her seat, taking a heavy swing of her liquor and watches her friends chatter about the possibility of an average looking rich boy falling for one of them. 

An hour passes and the giggly girls still haven't calmed down, and since nearly everyone abandoned the food immediately - it’s between Brooke and Silky to finish the puerto rican delicacy. Tipsy Brooke doesn't mind that now even Nina joined the hype, seemingly having forgotten about her current boyfriend. The blonde keeps herself busy with alternating between online shopping for new pointe shoes and new plants she can add to her steadily growing collection. Not an ideal Friday afternoon, but at least this time around A’keria didn’t forget to buy vegan pork. 

A glance to her clock tells her that her favorite trashy TV show starts soon. A silent prayer escapes her lips in hopes that this will spark a different conversation among the girls.

However, her prayer stayed unheard.

Another glass of liquor in, she starts to enjoy the laughter and excitement laying heavy in the air - drowning out the TV. The beaming smiles of her friends slowly melt her cold exterior, making her forget why she is so bitter in the first place. A fuzzy feeling spreads in her chest at the mention of sparkly ball gowns and which jewels would best suit Silky’s and A’keria’s darker complexion. Glue stains might now cover the table surface, but all Brooke can focus on is the twinkle in her friends' eyes. Especially Vanessa’s golden orbs seem to gleam like amber in the late afternoon sun. Brooke can perfectly imagine the same expression on a much younger version of the Latina - sparkling child’s eyes opening neatly wrapped presents on her 6th birthday.

A cashmere-like grin settles on Vanessa’s lips once she catches the blonde stare, adding a wink for good measure.

Ohh no

“Brookey, why don’t you wanna join us and fill out your applic-, aple-, whatever - your letter?” Gold orbs now work their best puppy look, while Vanessa attempts to milk every cute asset she posses, which leaves her with plenty of choice. Her head now rests on her palms propped up on the table, indulging the other woman in a silent staring contest.

“Vanjie, you know how I think about the Selection,” Brooke adds once she's glanced away. Her words merely louder than a whisper, accentuating her naturally husky voice.

“Prince Arin has two sisters,” Nina promptly slides into the conversation. The sly smirk on her face resembles a cat waiting for its prey. 

“Yes, I know, Nina, but what does this have to do with me?” Blonde bushy brows are raised high, while her nervous fingertips play with the golden cross around her neck.

“Quit this shit, B! We all know you like girls,” A’keria shouts from across the room, head buried in the wine cabinet. 

Wait what? Brooke feels her mouth fall agape before shooting back, “I’m not gay!”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” Nina retorts, which the blond pretends to overhear and checks the time on her phone again. An hour left before she has to catch her train.

“Well if you don’t wanna fill it out, me and Vanjie will have some fun.”

An eye roll from the blonde’s side is enough to make it clear that she couldn’t care less. Brooke Lynn takes a last swing to empty her glass, before grabbing the rest of the dishes littering the tiny table and bringing them to the kitchen. Instead of resorting to her usual weed abuse, she decides to clean the kitchen instead - hoping to take her mind off certain things. But with each scrubbed plate and cooking utensil the itch in her chest doesn’t seem to go away. What she would give for just a tiny puff- No, Brooke, you are going home tonight. Her shoulders slouch as she scolds herself, nearly missing the commotion going in in the living room. Nearly.

“I swear Brooke will end you if you note down ‘hiding in the closet’ for her special skills.”

“What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”

“Too bad I am not deaf, Silky babe.” 

The stern look on the blonde’s face is enough for Vanessa to hide behind A’keria, yet unable to suppress the cackle bubbling up in her throat. However, Silky hasn’t got the memo, and attempts to pick a fight with Brooke. Nina frees the application from A’keria’s grasp and silently finishes filling in the last details needed to complete the form. A tap on Brooke’s shoulder is enough to break the two brawlers apart. The tick paper with carefully placed gold details is placed in Brooke Lynn’s hands who doesn’t look too amused. She slams the neatly filled form onto the table, adding wrinkles to the thoughtfully crafted application. 

“Do me favour and just let me be,” Brooke continues with a deep sight, before leaving the common area to retreat to her room, tired of her friends for once. A glance at the clock hanging above her king sized bed tells her she needs to hurry up if she still wants to catch the last train going home, so she grabs her tiny suitcase from her bedroom, slips on a pair of vans, and grabs and olive toned coat. 

“Brooke?”

“What?” The annoyance in the blonde’s voice only increases as the blood in her veins starts to simmer. Her fingertips already rest against the cold metal of the doorknob. 

“Can you come over for a sec?”

Reluctantly, she turns around and struts towards the direction of the voice. Vanessa is seated alone on the living room floor, everyone else already getting ready for their evening plans - whatever they may be.

“You aren’t mad are you? We were just playing.” The brunette clearly looking worried - probably pondering whether or not she had overstepped a line.

“I know, Nessa, I know. It’s just a touchy subject. You know my parents-”

“I know, B,” Vanessa whispers, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. She signs grabby hands at Brooke, silently asking for a hug. 

With a loving eye roll, the other woman let’s go off the suitcase handle and envelops the shorter girl in a tight embrace. She sighs deeply as she inhales Nessa’s strawberry scented shampoo, taking a moment to just breathe.

But she can’t stay.

“I gotta go now, V. I don’t wanna miss my train again,” Brooke mumbles into the brunette’s wavy hair. But she holds on a tad bit longer, closing her eyes for just a second.

Vanessa buries her head a bit deeper into Brooke’s embrace cautiously slipping a sheet of paper into the olive coat pocket before letting go.

The blonde gives the smaller woman one last smile, before grabbing her suitcase and walking through the door. 

“Have fun in Dakota!” are the last words Brooke hears before leaving her flat behind. 

Once her feet collide with the gum littered pavement, she picks up her pace and barely makes it to the platform on time. With a little huff, she slides into an empty cabin, throwing her suitcase on the opposite seat and catches her breath. The train isn’t near its full speed yet when Brooke already opens the window, grabbing the cigarette pack from her coat, unable to resist the urge in her chest, needing to fix her itch. So she lights her last cigarette inside the vehicle in a desperate need for a calm moment in this chaotic week. Praying she will somehow survive the weekend at her parents' place without her bong. 

But honestly - how bad could it be?

[lovemesomesurveys]

1. When was the last time someone saw you naked? No one does.

2. If you could bring someone back from the dead and spend an hour with them, who would it be and what would you do/say? My grandmother. I’d just love to be able to spend some time with her again, hear her voice and her laugh, hug her, and tell her I love her. 

3. What is the greatest loss you’ve endured? Losing my maternal grandparents and my dog, Brandie, to name a few.

4. How would you describe your current mood? I’m having a flare up and I’m tired.

5. When was the last time you did something you were embarrassed by? Who knows. That’s not an uncommon occurrence. 

6. What was the last thing you lied about? I don’t recall.

7. Where is your favorite place to have sex? Virgin here, but I’m pretty sure a bed would be perfectly fine.

8. What is your earliest memory? I have some vague memories of preschool.

9. Do you ever drink or get high alone? No. Or at all anymore.

10. What type of a drunk are you? I feel like it made me annoying and chatty. I also ended up feeling sad and lonely later on.

11. What song (or a few songs, whatever) means a lot to you and why? There’s several.

12. When was the last time you revealed your feelings for someone? Were they accepted or rejected? A few years ago when I told Ty how I felt. He told me liked me, too. Nothing ever came of it, though.

13. What was the reason behind your last visit to the hospital? When a friend was in the hospital a few years ago.

14. How do you tend to deal with a breakup? I go through the motions. 

15. What is the “worst” drug you’ve done? Are there any you will never try, or any you want to try? I’ve only smoked weed. That’s the only thing I’ll ever do.

16. What is something you’ve done that you truly regret? I have a lot of those...

17. What does it mean to you to be a good person? Do you feel you are a good person? So, according to some Google searches here are a few qualities of a good person: Honest, empathetic, loyal, cooperation (works well with others), authenticity, creativity (in the sense that you’re openminded and think outside the box, creative in coming up with solutions), passionate (do things wholeheartedly, give it your all), resilience, sensitive (compassionate and sensitive towards the feelings, struggles, and needs of others), and insight. Based on this, I think I possess some of these qualities and fall short/lack others.

18. What is your philosophy on life/how do you generally choose to live or conduct yourself? I just...keep going.

19. Do you view animals as being just as important as people? Why or why not? My pets are family. As far as other animals, while I’m not a vegetarian or vegan, I still believe they should be treated in a humane way and with compassion. There’s no reason to be cruel, such as abusing them or keeping them in harsh conditions. 

20. When was the last time you were up all night and why? For most of this year I haven’t been going to bed until like 7 or 8AM. On a few occasions it was a little later or I ended up staying up the whole day somehow. I don’t know wth is wrong with my sleep schedule, but it’s really off track. For someone who is always tired, I sure don’t sleep very much.

21. What is the worst thing you’ve done to yourself? What is the worst thing someone else has done to you? Neglect myself and ignore things, not take care of myself like I should. I’ve caused a lot of problems that way. As for someone else... use me, play with my emotions, made me feel like trash.

22. What is the most personal thing you’re willing to reveal? I don’t know. I share a lot in these surveys.

23. What made you stop talking to the last person you cut out of your life? I was/am a mess and pushed everyone away, completely withdrawing and distancing myself. I just cut myself off from everyone outside of my family. I’m not even close with cousins that I was very close with throughout my life anymore. 

24. Is there a situation or person you haven’t been able to get over/forgive? I dwell a lot on my mistakes and regrets. I’m harsh and unforgiving towards myself.

25. Who was the last person to yell at you? Did you yell back? No one yells at me.

26. Where did your last injury come from? It’s been awhile since I’ve had any injuries. Not any new ones, anyway.

27. What are some kinks or turn-ons you have, if any? I don’t have the experience to really know, but I feel like I’d be super bland haha.

28. What are you like during arguments? I shut down pretty quickly.

29. What is the worst thing you have said to another person? Probably not saying anything at all and completely ghosting my friends who totally did nothing to deserve it.

30. Where do you like to be kissed? Lips and neck.

31. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel? Looking people in the eye, especially during serious conversations, is really hard for me. I give eye contact, but I look away or down and fidget with my fingers or something in my hand. I also have a very hard time expressing myself well.

32. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way? Blehhh.

33. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them? My mom. I’d tell her I love her and to tell the rest of my family I love them, too.

34. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid? My parents and brother would definitely know. I don’t know how I’d go about telling other family members. I would be an absolute mess, but I’d spend all that time with my loved ones, sharing memories, telling them how much I love them, thanking them, telling them anything else I want to say to them. I’d also be doing a lot of praying.

35. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? Uh, what are the choices?

36. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not? I absolutely would. I can’t swim myself, but I’d try to find help and call 911. I’d make sure they were rescued.

37. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most? Uh, I’d rather not be hurt by anyone if possible.

38. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you (or did you) do/say? My best friend is my mom...

39. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or Why not? Can they have more than just an hour?

40. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend? No.

41. Does love = sex? Not always.

42.Your boss tells your coworker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your coworker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company? Why or Why not? I mean, as of now I still with my family so if that were still the case in this scenario, then I’d be okay because I’m fortunate that my family can provide the necessities. I wouldn’t have to worry about not being able to afford food and things like that. I don’t have kids to worry about either like this person does. I also receive disability. In other words, I would be okay and be able to look for something else in the meantime if need be.

43.When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person? I had a serious conversation not too long ago with my mom with some things I was struggling with. It’s difficult for me to express myself and how I’m feeling with anyone, no matter how close I am to them. I just struggle with what to say. I feel like I don’t explain or get my point across very well. I also don’t like the focus and attention one. I don’t like discussing serious things about myself. I also don’t want to burden people with my problems or worry them. I downplay things or keep a lot to myself, so for me to open up like that it takes a lot.

44. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a member of the opposite sex, you love them or that you do not love them back? Telling them I love them, but telling them I don’t would be hard as well because I certainly don’t want to hurt anyone.

45. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose? I’m gonna go with something not so deep and serious and say coffee. I really do need my coffee, though. I don’t want to have to go without it.

46. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them. Who were they to you? My mom.

47. If there was one moment and one time in the last month what would you change and why? How my doctor appointment went last month. I had to meet with a new doctor who I don’t like and I wish the appointment went better. I wish I was able to express myself and explain things better, but I just felt intimidated and uncomfortable. I thought of a lot of things I wanted to say after the fact. I wish I could be a little more assertive.

48.Imagine it is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you? Good thing I’m never alone at night cause I’d be freaking out to say the least. Good thing I have a dog, too. In this hypothetical situation, though, I’m not sure why my family isn’t here, but I’d be calling 911 and my family right away. 

49. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not? I don’t know CPR. I would try to get them help right away and call 911.

50.You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision? I hate these questions. 

51. Are you old fashioned? In some ways.

52. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it? I like doing things for people because I want to.

53.Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why? True love.

54.If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be? I’d have good health.

55. What was the last thing you ate? Ramen.

56. What kind of guys are you usually attracted to? Personality is the most important thing.

57. What’s the stupidest thing that’s happened to you that ended a friendship? Some middle school drama.

58. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve had sex for?

59. What reality shows do you watch? Catfish, The Voice, Teen Mom OG, Teen Mom 2, KUWTK, Total Bellas...

60. Post a video of yourself here: No.

61. Where do you work? I don’t.

62. Have you ever gone up to a car thinking it was yours and tried to get in it? I’ve gone up to cars thinking it was mine and reached for the handle, but thankfully quickly realized it wasn’t my car. lol.

63. Where do you buy most of your clothes? Boxlunch and Hot Topic.

64. If you were very intelligent and had the capability to have any profession, what would you like to be? I don’t know.

65. What’s your most irrational fear? I have plenty.

66. How many radio stations do you listen to? It’s been a few years since I’ve listened to the radio. I only listen to Spotify for music, even in the car.

67. What kind of music do they have?

68. Would you rather go to Greece or Hawaii? I mean, both would be amazing.

69. Musicals: Yay or Nay? I like some of them.

70. What are the next concerts you’ll be going to? Who knows or even when that’ll be an option given the state of things. I miss going to concerts, though. It’s been over 10 years since my last concert.

71. What was the last conversation you had with your best friend about? About the episode of Ratched we had just finished watching last night.

72. Are you one of those people that LOVE to hug others? No. Not to say I don’t like hugs, though. However, I know people who hug everyone, even if they’ve just met, and that’s not me. 

[doomedandstoned]

THE DESERTFEST DIARIES: Destination Antwerp ‘19

~By Willem Verhappen~

Photographs by Stefanie Dörnbrack and Willem Verhappen

Day 1

The good beer, tasteful food and beautiful inner city, together with the fact that even though I live close to it, it makes me feel like I’m on vacation, make that Antwerp ranks high on my list of favorite cities. Every once in awhile my girlfriend and I like to spontaneously cross our southern border to go shopping (seriously, check out Chelsea Records if you're ever there) or watch a movie in their massive cinema complex. There is however one weekend when nothing can stop me from going to Antwerp and that's the weekend of Desertfest. For three days, Antwerp turns into the Mecca of all the music I -- and since you're reading this, probably you, too -- hold dear. So on the 18th of October I made my fourth pilgrimage to this epicenter of riffs.

My timing could hardly have been better, since my friends with whom I was going to share a hotel room for the next three nights showed up at pretty much the same time. After dropping our stuff at the hotel, we went downtown to meet up with some more friends and have a pizza and some beers.

With some proper groundwork laid, as we say in Dutch, it was time to head to the Trix, as the venue's called. There was some discussion as to whether it was faster to go by tram or subway, so we decided to turn it into a race. In the end, we still all ended up going by subway, since there didn't appear to be a tram going that way. I was told, however, that the subway was way quicker than the tram the guys took in previous years. That still counts as a victory in my eyes.

When we arrived at the venue, we were greeted by the sign shown at the top of this article. What a way to get your crowd hyped up for all the goodness that was to come.

The first band we got to see, was Monomyth. The band, featuring former Gorefest guitar player Boudewijn Bonebakker, plays an addictive mix of styles ranging from kraut- and space rock to more progressive and psychedelic exploits. The Dutch instrumental rockers might be reminiscent of acts like My Sleeping Karma, but with five people, there's never a boring moment.

After that first headbanging session, it was time for some more partying with desert rockers Nebula, where the title of their new album 'Holy Shit' sums up the experience quite well. This was followed by my first Duvel beer of the day and the Dutch '60s heavy psych inspired wolf pack named Temple Fang, both at the cafe. For a band that hasn't even released a single yet, they've got quite the following. Taking into account that two members used to be in the cult band Death Alley, gives some understanding as to why. Witnessing them live makes you a believer yourself.

As a music collector and lover of artwork, I decided to pay a visit to the merch area. I was very happy to see that my personal artwork favorites Branca Studio decided to take the car to bring some of their t-shirts to Desertfest. Now I finally have my very own "Doom life" shirt. Could my day get any better?

Of course it can! With some more cds and some less money in my pockets it was time to go to the main all for Truckfighters. When we walked through the door, one of my friends asked when the show had started. This was more than five minutes before the show actually started, but the hall was already crowded. This was the first time we had difficulties getting in before a band started playing, but it turned out to be only the first of multiple shows where this phenomenon occurred.

As you might know, Truckfighters was on a hiatus for a couple of years. Lucky for us, the Swedes have returned. I'm happy to say that the show hasn't really changed. You still get your high energy rock show lead by Ozo. Dango still runs through the crowd shirtless. There's still a different drummer than the last time you saw them. And of course, every place turns into absolute mayhem once they play Desert Cruiser. Honestly, the only thing that changed is Dango's beard. That's fine, but other than that, a Truckfighters show is perfect as it is.

Sadly, there wasn't much time to catch my breath, for after witnessing a bit of Beglian band 30,000 Monkies, Yatra was about to take the upstairs stage. I wasn't familiar with the Maryland doom crew, but someone (sorry, I don't remember who) recommended them to me. I cannot thank that person enough, for Yatra is by far my favorite discovery this Desertfest. It was the first doom band of the eveningThis trio spices up their low 'n' slow doom with a whiff of black metal dirt, just the way I like it.

Since I've never been much of a Zeal & Ardor fan, I decided to socialize and go looking for stories instead. That's when I ran into the Yatra gang, who were talking with Dango from Truckfighters. The latter mentioned to me that we can expect a solo record from his hand somewhere in the near future. Needless to say, this encounter needed to be documented, as shown in the picture above. Afterwards I decided to check out some Z&A, only to arrive when they started Devil is Fine. It was a good reminder of why I'm not a fan.

The first day ended with a banging show from Polish psych doomers Sunnata and a fun after party. I had to promise not to write about the after parties, even though I could write an entire article on just that. Let's just say that lots of fun and beer was had by all, up to the point where we were kicked out of the venue.

Day 2

Saturday started, not entirely unexpectedly, with a hangover. Usually I get over them pretty quick, but this one kept lingering on for quite some time. Not even the great sandwich I had, seemed to have any effect. The thing that eventually cured the hangover, was Bismut. The Desertfest website describes them as "instrumental psych desert metal", which is an apt description for these young Dutch hounds. We're treated to some heavy spaced out jams, mixed with some colorful shredding. Day two is a go!

The Admiral Sir Cloudesley Shovell put up one of my favorite shows this weekend. This is their second year in a row and third in total of playing here and if you've seen them live, you know why that is. The band are like the demented love child between Motörhead and Hawkwind (like that would ever happen), blasting some dirty biker rock, but with some stoner groove in there. It's also the first band I witnessed on the Canyon stage that made full use of the video screen.

Not every band can be a winner and if there's a loser this weekend, it's Fireball Ministry. Personally, I really enjoyed their distinct brand of desert rock, featuring vocals from both guitarists James A. Rota II and Emily Burton. The only point of critique is that Emily should stick to background vocals.

Even though the band gave their everything, they we're playing to a half filled hall at most, with many people leaving after a song or two with some just taking a couple of pictures. These pictures were of course from former Kyuss bass player Scott Reeder. This behaviour made the band look more like a freak show than anything else, which is too bad, since Fireball Ministry deserves better.

The Desert stage is far more crowded for Church of Misery. I can't say I'm surprised, since the Japanese quartet knows how to deliver a solid slab of old school doom metal. For 50 minutes, the band proved to know exactly how to keep heads banging in unison.

Following Church of Misery, I decided it was time to give the muscles in my neck some rest. And what better place to do that than in the food and relax area. This is like the school yard where all the cool kids hang out, drink beer and smoke, but mixed with a food truck festival. I'm usually not big on festival food, but the food here is certainly an exception. From homemade fries and vegan burgers to Mexican and tribal food, there's something here for everyone. It's a great place to just sit down, eat and talk to random people.

This moment of peace was very much needed ahead of Bongripper. This was one of the most crowded shows of the festival. The band created a most impressive wall of sound, or should I say wall of noise, during their show. Although the show was very impressive, I'm still surprised by how insanely crowded it was.

After the intense show from the Chicago doom crew, desert rockers Steak are a welcome change of scenery. They might be from London, but these guys sound like they came straight from the California desert, although with some Pink Floyd thrown into the mix. I was very charmed by their sound, since it sounds familiar, but with a British twist. Highly enjoyable.

At the Desert stage, we remain in the instrumental musical spectrum with Pelican. This was one of the shows I looked forward to the most. The post-metal from these Americans manages to find that sweet spot between heavy dark riffs and a touch of light. The hour of playtime was over way too soon.

The other band I was really looking forward to, was Dopelord. I'm not sure what's happening in Poland that's causing the rise of so many good old school doom bands, as proven by Dopelord's recent excellent 4-way split with Weedpecker, Major Kong and Spaceslug, but it's clear these guys are leading the revolution. This show had everything I love: great songs, heavy riffs, exploitation cinema on the background and rowdy crowd. There even was a new song, called 'Hail Satan' and some moshing during the epic 'Reptile Sun'.

On my way to Ty Segall & The Freedom Band, I heard some music coming from the Vulture stage that caught my attention. Crowhurst was supposed to be performing here, but they had to cancel last minute. Their replacement were the Antwerp locals Your Highness.

Earlier that day, I was told they were a doom band and that I would like them. That turned out to be very true. The band plays traditional doom metal, but with a hardcore ferocity. I clearly wasn't the only one who enjoyed their show, judging by some of the most intense mosh pits I'd seen all weekend. I was so entertained that, for the first time in four years, I missed a Desertfest headliner. Not that I mind, these guys are worth it.

There's no rest for the wicked and Inter Arma made sure of that. The death/black.sludge doom band pretty much set the Canyon stage ablaze. It was past midnight but that was no excuse to take it slow. Vocalist Mike Paparo was running the stage like a ravenous beast. The band was a great warm-up for yet another night of mad partying.

Day 3

Usually the last day of a festival is somewhat of a cooling down. Festival days are long days and involve lots of walking and a lot of things to take in, resulting in you being exhausted, both physically and mentally. For this Desertfest, being tired was not an option, since the lineup is nothing but spectacular. Luckily for me, I woke up relatively fresh. I still don't know how I pulled that off, but I'm not complaining.

Since not everyone was as awake as I was, the first band we got to see was Wolvennest. I've seen the band perform many times in the past four years or so and I've yet to grow tired of their music. Their excellent mix of black metal, doom, psychedelic and krautrock still entrances me every show. And every show, they seem to get better. At least it helped me clear my mind in preparation for the rest of the day.

Wolvennest may have brought me to a higher plain, but after that it's a slap back to reality, courtesy of The Progerians. Their sludge mimics their hometown of Brussels. It's dark and nasty, but with just enough melody to make it appeal to the masses. This makes it a good warming up for the impressive set from Lord Dying, although they look towards more progressive and psychedelic horizons.

Monkey3 is one of those bands that always manage to deliver. Their instrumental space rock usually attracts quite the crowd and that was no different here. Sadly, nature called, resulting in me not being able to get back to the Desert stage. On the other hand, I did get to see High Reeper. These guys manage to play an energetic, balanced mix of stoner rock and Sabbath-y doom metal. A perfect blend of old school and new school.

The NOLA sludge kickers of Eyehategod are on a roll today. The band is clearly in a good mood and frontman Mike IX Williams is playing the crowd like a fiddle. The crowd, on their turn, is eating the slow, nasty blues raw. This was without a doubt my favorite show of the day.

After EHG I'm in doubt, stay where I am and be assured of a good spot for tonight's headliner, or go and see Un. I decide on the latter, even though many people seem to be saving their spots. I don't regret it though, since the Seattle band delivers some beautiful, heavy funeral doom. Especially fellow Seattle natives Bell Witch come to mind while riding Un's emotional roller coaster.

When I got back to the Desert stage, some 20 minutes before showtime, I was happy to see that it wasn't as crowded as I'd expected. I managed to get a nice spot in the center of the hall before the countdown started for the band all of Desertfest was clearly waiting for.

At a quarter to 11, the famous audio recording leading up to the moon landing started playing. What happened next felt like a ritual. Joints were lit across the audience, with some also being passed along through the crowd. People moved towards the stage like Muslims to the Ka'aba.

At 11, the almighty Sleep took the stage. Even though it was my fourth time seeing them in 15 months, the band still manages to impress me. All through the weekend, bands have been projecting everything from band logos to movies on the backdrop, but not Sleep.

Sleep doesn't need a backdrop. Nor a dynamic light show, for that matter. Sleep is all about the music. And the music is all that matters. Witnessing a Sleep show is like witnessing a voodoo ritual. The band's goal is to get you in a trance, to get you to follow the smoke to the riff filled land. For 75 minutes the music is all that matters.

Black Pyramid holds the thankless honour to close off the festival after Sleep. Their psychedelic brand of metal sounds good, but honestly, Sleep is still stuck in my head. Judging from the size of the crowd, many people have decided to head home early, but not us. We stayed until the bitter end.

On monday morning, to my great joy, the headache remained absent and I was feeling relatively fresh. I was looking forward to my own shower and couch, not necessarily in that order, so I was packed and ready to go in no time. My friends had some more difficulties to get their motor running, so we ended up getting brunch at one of the countless Panos sandwich bars in the city. Of course, we ran into some familiar faces there. Going over the weekend, we could all agree it was a festival with many highlights and next to no low points. Another one for the books. Why can't all festivals be like Desertfest? I'm not being melancholic, I'm seriously asking.

[rahullkohli]

A LITTLE ON NUTRITION AND HEALTH

ok buckle up kids, because i have a load to share on this subject. in this post there will be no shaming of bodies, diets or knowledge - only of idiots who act like they know shit, but in fact are ignorant fools. i.e. idiots who advice people to go on diets, or otherwise treat their nutrition irresponsibly.

also, this is not a ”how to get skinny”-post. this is merely a post to inform about a topic that so many people is dangerously off on. my own personal goal is to lose weight, because my BMI is too high. if you think that you need to lose weight, consult a doctor who can help you figure out if you actually need to lose weight, or if you maybe have an unhealthy relationship with food and/or your body, and that is the issue you need help with.

disclaimer: i am not a licensed nutritionist or health professional. all of my knowledge comes from: me loving to read, me recovering from eating disorders which have prompted me to research on my own plus talk to professionals, me having worked with a nutritionist for over a year where i got to regular updates and have mealplan created specifically for me. also, my mom being a licensed fitness trainer where she also had courses on nutrition.

so, this post came to be because i saw a long post about people being shamed for eating fruit, because some assholes tried to tell them that “fruit is almost pure sugar and bad for you”, or something to that effect, so i will definitely touch on that as well.

the thing is that nutrition is complex and one of the biggest issues in the way our society sees health and nutrition is that it takes a starting point in “one size fits all”, which it most certainly does not. the details of what diet your body needs is unique to you, and magazines/celebrities/blogs/etc. who tries to tell you otherwise either don’t know what they’re talking about, or are feeding you lies on purpose. usually with the goal of money.

as mentioned above; nutrition is damn complex. one diet does not fit all bodies, because our genetic makeup is different. for example, all my three sisters has been diagnosed with PCOS, and i have not. this means that my body can handle carbs better than theirs, because of cysts on their ovaries that overproduce a hormone that makes it harder for their bodies to break down carbs. (feel free to correct me on this one, because i have not researched this condition in details so i may be off on this. i just know people with this diagnosis usually require a low carb diet, the whys and hows are more iffy to me, but this was how i understood it when it was quickly explained to me.) so it is so unique that even four women who share both mother and father doesn’t even match when it comes to dietary needs. it also changes for every person depending on age, so the diet i need now is most likely not the diet i needed as a teenager, or in ten years, and definitely not after menopause because of the hormonal changes.

every single person needs all three macronutrients in their diet, in order to assure the proper function of their body; carbs, protein and fats - yes, fats! as a general rule, it goes most carbs, medium protein and then a healthy, but not too much, amount of fats. but then there are different examples where one needs more or less of one of these because of for example a diagnosis of PCOS. i am not a doctor, so i won’t try to talk about these, because i don’t have the correct information.

CARBS: so why do we need carbohydrates, and why are those what we (usually) need the most of? carbohydrates are what gives us our energy. carbs gets broken down into glucose before entering the bloodstream (this is why athletes love bananas, they're filled with good stuff that gives a good kick after just spending a ton of energy being overly active). this is where the the fruit and vegetables comes in – sure, fruit and some vegetables contain a lot of sugar, but this is fructose which our bodies can easier break down and use for energy rather converting it to fat depots. the sugar that our bodies have trouble breaking down, is refined (often called white, but it also pertains to brown) sugar. simplistically speaking, the sugar we add to our food ourselves.

now, this doesn't mean that you should just eat uncontrollably of fruit and vegetables. as with any other food, overindulging is too much. in denmark the government department for nutrition has for years campaigned that it is important that we get Six A Day. this means six servings of fruit and vegetables every day. due to the high levels of sugar in fruit, for most adults the reasonable choice is 250 grams of fruit, and 350 grams of vegetables every day. the best choices are high in fiber and proteins. especially green ones like apples, broccoli, spinach, peas and green beans are good. note: you also need carbs from stuff like pasta, rice, potatoes, bread, bulgur, quinoa or other in the same category.

PROTEINS: the proteins are responsible for building and maintaining our muscles. this isn't just for bodybuilders/athletes, this is for every single person out there. you need proteins to be able to move your body. protein is also what builds and maintains our hair, nails and skin. a lot of girls/women are in a protein deficit, especially if they work out, because they are afraid it will make them look masculine. this is severe misinformation. as a cisgendered girl/woman you cannot eat or train your way to the look of a stereotypical cisgendered man, you will need to take steroids for that. if you are a trans woman, i will advice you to speak to a professional about this, as i have no information about this, and considering every trans woman's situation is unique in relation to hormones.

protein is most widely known to come from meat and fish, but this can also be found in some vegetables, nuts, soy, quorn and dairy, which is a very good alternative for vegetarians/vegans.

FATS: there was a time where fat was the number one scare in health media, and it hasn't quite been let go since, which is terrible because fats are so incredibly important for our bodies to work the best they can to keep us healthy. fats are responsible for helping your body absorb vitamins, and help keep your heart and organs healthy. if you don't get enough fat, you risk severe constipation and may need surgery. healthy sources of fats are fish and nuts.

so these are the three nutrient groups that we need in order for our bodies to be at our best, but of course it isn't that simple. it also matters how many calories you get, and how you spread them out throughout the day.

as mentioned above, i have been seeing a nutritionist for over a year, and i have lost 20kg by following a mealplan that was tailored to me specifically from information about my gender, age, height, start weight and general activity level. we found that the reason i wasn't losing weight despite my high activity levels, was that i simply wasn't eating enough – yes, another thing media ignores is that eating too little can cause weight gain – and that i didn't spread my food reasonably out over the day, which caused my bloodsugar to be unbalanced.

i started out with one mealplan with x amount of calories spread out on five meals throughout the day. however, since i plateued in my weightloss i just recently got a new plan with more calories and an extra meal a day. this means that i now have three big meals + three snacks, with never more than 2-3 hours between these to keep my bloodsugar leveled all day.

but aside from this you also need to consider vitamins, fiber, minerals and omega 3s. so yeah, it really is about having a balanced diet, but it's much more than just remembering to not eat too much meat, or too much fruit.

why weightloss diets are bullshit and unhealthy: not only is a weightloss diet a waste of time, because if you eat a certain way for x amount of time, and then lose weight to reach your goal, but then go back to eating as you did before, you will just gain the weight back. if you and your doctor think that you need to lose weight, what you need is a lifestyle change. maintaining a healthy body – regardless of size – is a commitment for life. it sounds overwhelming, but breaking it down it is about creating healthy and stable habits, in the form of varied nutrition spread out over your day.

what my experience also tells me is that it is important to not be too restrictive, since this is setting yourself up for failure. if you promise yourself to not have anything unhealthy like chocolate or soda then there's a bigger chance that once you do have it you will end up overindulging. besides, what kind of life is it if you can't enjoy it? sure, healthy and balanced food can be so good and delicious, but there also needs to be space for having pizza with friends, or cake at a birthday party, or a fancy coffee because you just fucking deserve it. you will not ruin your body if you decide to have ice cream one day, or if you just feel like you can't eat anything at all; just do your best to get back to the healthy habit you have worked hard to create.

the key is to not let it be every day, but if you find the diet that fits you specifically, you shouldn't even be craving these things all the time, because all your needs will be satisfied. if you do find that you crave overindulging at all times, you may need professional help. overeating is a disorder and should be taken just as seriously as undereating – both are rooted in psychological issues, and this can't be processed just by getting a mealplan.

i feel like i have been around most of it by now, but if you have any questions (or you actually know more than me and have constructive criticism) you are more than welcome to message me. i hope this was informative and understandable. english isn't my first language, so i apologize for anything that may not make sense in terms of linguistics.

as a last note i want to stress that i am not a professional, and if you are struggling with body image or your relationship with food, please seek help from someone licensed to handle those kinds of things. never try some fad diet because a magazine or a celebrity said it helped them, because it could damage your body than it could do good.

[ohfrickfanfic]

Big Brother Knows Best

Pairing: Jordan Dun x Reader

Warnings/ tags: semi public sex, biting, Debby has a small role as Josh’s GF and your friend.

“You guys have been spending a lot of time together this trip, what gives?” Josh says in a teasing tone to you and Jordan over lunch at him and Debby’s shared apartment.

You, your best friend, Jenna, her husband, Tyler, and Josh’s brother, Jordan, have all flown from Columbus to LA to spend time with Josh and his girlfriend, Debby, for the week of Josh’s birthday. Sure you’ve spent a lot of time with Jordan the past two days so far, but you had good reason.

“Nothing gives,” you laugh. “Just friends enjoying each other’s company and trying not to be the fifth and sixth wheels this week.”

Josh raises his eyebrows in disbelief and shoots his brother a look.

“What? Don’t look at me; you heard her.”

“Yeah, and I don’t believe either or you,” Josh quips, shifting his eyes back and forth between the both of you.

“Anyway, you wanna go for a run after we eat, Josh?” Jordan attempts to change the subject as his cheeks blush.

“Sure thing.”

“I’m not much of a runner, but mind if I tag along?” Tyler asks. “Let the girls spend some time together.”

“Of course,” Josh answers, then turning to Debby.  “What are you and the girls gonna do?”

“Hmm, I dunno.” Debby pauses to think for a minute. “You girls wanna go get pedicures?”

“Sure.”

“Sounds great,” you and Jenna agree.

************************************

“Ok, now that we’re away from the boys… spill it!” Jenna prompts, the three of you sitting side by side in identical massage chairs as your pedicure begins.

“Spill what?” you ask in confusion.

“Come on, you know… you and Jordan,” Debby adds.

“There’s nothing to spill,” you laugh. “I mean it. We’re just friends.”

“With benefits?” Jenna teases.

“Oh my god, NO!” you blurt out. “Sorry, not you,” you apologize to the technician who paused the pedicure with a baffled look on her face, causing the girls in erupt in laughter.

“So, if you’re not fooling around all those times you two disappear together, then what are you doing?” Jenna pries.

“I don’t know. Hanging out, sightseeing. Ya know, things friends do,” you emphasize.

“Ok, but seriously, you guys would be soooo perfect together,” Debby starts. “And just think, we’d be almost like sister in laws.”

“Come on, you don’t find him attractive?” Jenna asks, adding to the banter.

“I never said that. I actually find him quite cute. I don’t know, I just never thought of him in that way I guess, ‘cause I’m not really looking for a relationship right now.”

“Whatever.” Both girls roll their eyes with a laugh.

*********************************

Meanwhile, Jordan’s getting bombarded with the same slew of questions while out on a run with the boys.

“What do you mean you’ve never thought of her like that?” Josh questions, running backward to face his brother who’s trailing slightly behind, with his best friend even further back. “I may be taken, but I know a pretty girl when I see one. Come on dude, she’d be perfect for you.”

“There’s no denying she’s beautiful, but I don’t know man — we’re just friends. And who says I’m even her type?”

“Handsome and wholesome; what’s not to like?” Tyler says out of breath as he fights to keep up. “Plus, come on, you’re Josh Dun’s little brother.

Jordan knows Tyler didn’t mean anything by that last bit, but it still stings nonetheless. For once he wishes he could be seen as more than ‘Josh Dun’s little brother’.

****************************

Jenna leans off the couch, staring down the hall, waiting for Jordan to disappear into the bathroom for his turn with the shower.  “You were totally checking him out!” Jenna exclaims, playfully shoving you once Jordan closes the door behind him.

“Was not!” you lie.

The truth is you definitely were. Maybe it was the way his shorts hung low on his chiseled, glistening body, or the way beads of sweat clung to the tips of deep brown curls, every so often cascading down his forehead like rain on a window, but you couldn’t look away.

“You absolutely were,” Debby laughs. “I’m pretty sure even Jordan noticed. He was totally blushing on his way to the shower. Just admit it.”

“You were,” Josh says, stepping out of the bedroom and pulling his shirt over his head, followed by Tyler, who shouts in agreement from the guest room where he’s finishing getting dressed himself.

“Ok, fine!” you blush.

Maybe it was his good looks, your friends’ relentless persuasion, or the fact that you really do enjoy his company, but suddenly you find yourself thinking of Jordan in the way you swore you didn’t. Maybe you are perfect for each other.

****************************

“What was all that bickering about?” Jordan asks, ruffling the water from his curls with a white towel, another securely around his waist as he enters the living room.

You have to pick your jaw up off the floor before you’re able to form words. “Uhh, just deciding what we should do for dinner tonight.” You formulate a lie on the spot before anyone else has a chance to answer him truthfully.

“Oh, I have the perfect dinner plans,” Josh says with a mischievous look. “Date night!”

“Oh cool, that’s fine. Have fun, you guys deserve it. Me and Jordan will just order a pizza to the apartment or something,” you quip back, knowing what Josh was insinuating.

“Yeah, that works for me too,” Jordan replies. “And maybe we can try out the new ice cream place on the pier after.”

“Oh no no no no,” Josh smirks shaking his head, “You two aren’t exempt from date night. I’m hooking you two up if it’s the last thing I do!”

*********************************

After arguing in circles and you and Jordan excessively throwing around the word ‘friends’ in an attempt to convince the others — and perhaps yourselves — that you two were nothing more, you finally give in and now find yourself sitting side by side in a booth at one of LA’s most popular restaurants. The booth is an oversized cube shape for larger parties with seating on three sides; one side for each couple.

You and Jordan have been uncharacteristically quiet — especially with each other — since you got there. It could be the unspoken — maybe more than friends — thoughts you’ve both started to have, or just how truly awkward your friends have made this.

“Wanna split that last piece of bread with me?” Jordan breaks the awkward silence between you while looking over the menu, still trying to decide what to order. “I don’t wanna fill up on bread.”

“Sure,” you smile.

Jordan takes the last piece of bread from the basket and rips it in two, handing you a half. Loose crumbs from the jagged edge fall to your lap as he passes it.

“Oh shoot, sorry,” he apologizes, innocently dusting the crumbs from your bare thigh a few inches below the hem of your shorts. Even though his actions are pure, your skin unexpectedly buzzes with sexual electricity at his touch. It awakens every tiny hair follicle and causes your body to erupt in goosebumps. You can tell Jordan feels it too because he quickly retracts his hand, offering one last ‘sorry’ as he does.

“It’s okay,” you say, nudging his hand — that now rests on his own leg —  with your knee, desperate to feel his touch ignite your flesh again.

He turns his head slightly, and briefly looks at you from his peripheral, trying not to make it obvious that he’s making sure he’s reading your signals right. He catches you giving him the same quick side glance with your lips pursed tight, fighting back a smirk and he decides to go for it, discreetly placing his hand on your knee under the table while his other hand runs repeatedly through his curls as he pretends to study the menu.

His hands on you, again, set your body ablaze; the addictive feeling making its way into your bloodstream like a drug with an unparalleled high. Biting your lip to stifle a moan, you place your hand on his, letting him know his touch is more than welcome. Turning to steal a quick look at you again, he slowly starts moving his hand up your thigh, leaving a tingling trail in his wake.

You remove your hand from his to let him explore your skin on his own accord, spreading your legs to give him better access. You’re breathing hitches slightly as you feel his fingers slip under the hem of your loose-fitting shorts along the inseam. You can’t believe you’re really about to let him finger you in the middle of this restaurant, at a table filled with your friends and his own brother, when suddenly —

“Jordan.”

“Jordan?”

“Earth to Jordan!” Josh calls a final time, causing Jordan to quickly pull away his hand and answer his brother in a confused, “What?”

“It’s your turn to order,” Josh says, motioning to the waitress who’s patiently waiting with pad and pen in hand.

“Oh, sorry. Ummmmm, I- I’ll just have a burger, medium well,” he says with blushed cheeks, handing over the menu. “Thank you.”

“I’ll have the same,” you say, having not even had the proper chance to look at the menu.

“You’ll have to forgive my brother, he’s on a first date,” Josh teases, causing the waitress to let out a small chuckle as she finished collecting the menus.

“You’re such an ass sometimes,” Jordan laughs, shaking his head.

*********************************

The rest of dinner goes by without a hitch with only minimal teasing from Josh and your friends. You had a great time, even if Jordan’s hand never did make it back to your thigh.

“I know we could just get dessert here,” Debby starts, “but I know this awesome vegan bakery that just happens to make the best donuts,” Debby says in a sing-song voice, of course looking in Jenna’s direction.

“I’m sold!” Jenna replies excitedly.

“I don’t know, I’m still kinda feeling the ice cream I mentioned earlier,” Jordan says turning to you.

“Me too,” you smile. “I think Jordan and I are gonna go do that and just catch up with you guys back at the apartment later if that’s okay?”

“There you guys go again, off doing your own thing together,” Josh teases. “No, go ahead. It’s your date, do what you want with it,” he laughs.

********************************

Things seem to have returned to normal between the two of you, carrying on a regular conversation as you walk to the ice cream stand on the pier. Neither of you mentions the incident in the restaurant. You weren’t expecting to have that kind of sexual chemistry with Jordan, but you’d very much like to pick back up where you left off.

When you arrive at the ice cream stand the line is huge. “Why don’t you go sit on the bench, I’ll get your ice cream,” he smiles. “What flavor do you want?”

“Jordan, No. I can get my own ice cream. You don’t have to do that.”

“It’s a date, right?” he laughs

“Fine,” you chuckle, rolling your eyes playfully, “Mint Chocolate Chip,”

You take a seat on the bench overlooking the water; everything the sinking sun touches, a brilliant gold. The sight before you is truly stunning in comparison to the ominous clouds just behind you. You spend a few minutes taking in its beauty and breathing in the salty sea air before opening your phone and checking your various social media accounts. When you get to Instagram, you notice Jordan has added to his story and open it. It’s a pic from his run with the boys earlier with the caption:

‘Still not as good as @Joshuadun. 3.1 miles/8.50 pace. Gotta keep workin’

Something about the way it was worded doesn’t sit right with you and almost breaks your heart to think of Jordan comparing himself to Josh. It gets you thinking and you wonder what it must be like for him to have a famous sibling.

“Hey, here ya go. Sorry that took so long,” Jordan says, pulling you from your thoughts.

“Oh, thank you,” you say, locking your phone and quickly putting in your pocket to retrieve the ice cream from Jordan, who then takes a seat next to you on the bench. “Hey, you got mint chocolate chip too?”

“I did. It’s my favorite.”

“No way, mine too!” you say, perhaps a little too excitedly; your outburst propelled by the liftoff of butterflies in your gut.

“Really?! That’s so cool,” Jordan says, matching your intensity with a twinkle in his smiling amber eyes before quickly looking away.

“Jordan?” you start, then taking a lick of your ice cream before it melts.

“Yeah?”

“You know you don’t have to be Josh, right?”

“What?” he asks, confused, wiping a drip of ice cream from his chin. “Where’s this coming from?”

“Sorry, I just saw your Instagram story where you said your time still wasn’t as good as Josh’s and it got me thinking. That’s all. Like, is it hard to be Josh’s brother, ya know, with him being famous and everything?”

“If I’m being truthful, yeah. Sometimes it is hard. I know I have a unique life and I’m still learning how to be related to a celebrity. I’ve gained a lot of attention for that and sometimes it’s fun and exciting but sometimes I just wanna be myself; just Jordan Dun, not, ‘Jordan Dun, the drummer from Twenty One Pilots, Josh Dun’s little brother’, ya know?”

“I know, it must be tough, but please realize you’re more than just Josh’s brother. And not just to me, but to a lot of people. You don’t need to compare yourself to him. You have your own talents that are uniquely you, and you’re gaining your own following from that. The things you create with wood are so intricate and beautiful; and I’m willing to bet Josh wouldn’t know what to do with a two by four if it hit him in the head,” you say, earning a small chuckle from Jordan.

“I know you’re right, but at the same time I always find myself thinking how many people follow me because they like me for what I do and create, and actually find things I have to say interesting, and how many people follow me just because I’m Josh’s brother, or they’re hoping to get a glimpse of him in one of my videos or hear me say something about him. I want to share my life and passions with people, but I don’t want to exploit Josh. I love him too much for that.”

“I’m gonna be honest with you, I’m sure a lot of your followers started following you because you were Josh’s brother, but that’s only how they discovered you,” you start. “And there’s nothing wrong with that. For instance, there’s a lot of bands I probably would never have stumbled upon on my own if it weren’t for other bands endorsing them, or being friends with them, etcetera. But once I discovered them, I kept listening because I liked them, not because of who endorsed them or who they knew… What I’m trying to say is yeah, maybe they came for Josh, but the majority of them stayed for you, for your talent and creativity, and the interesting things you’ve shared and have to offer. Not Josh.”

“Wow, thank you. I think I really needed to hear that. That actually makes a lot of sense,” he flashes you a slightly gap-toothed grin as he finishes the last bite of his ice cream cone.

“Anytime,” you offer, smiling back and wiping ice cream from the corner of his mouth, causing the familiar buzz to radiate through you both again.

This time it’s him desperate to feel it again, standing and holding out his hand to pull you up from the bench as you finish your ice cream. You take his hand, expecting him to let go once you’re on your feet but he doesn’t, instead interlocking your fingers, completing the circuit of electricity flowing through you.

“Gotta keep with the whole ‘date’ thing, right?” He tries to play it off, but the red hue of his cheeks gives away his real motive.

“Right.” You let out a small laugh as you head off the pier and onto the sand.

You walk hand in hand along the beach until the sun meets its reflection in the water. “Jordan, about what happened in the restaurant,” you start, finally having the courage to tell him what you’re feeling when suddenly the sky opens up and it starts to downpour.

“Quick, under here,” Jordan shouts over the deafening rain, pulling you towards the underside of the pier.  You let go of each other’s hand and pull your light jackets up over yourselves to keep dry, laughing and squealing like children as you run in the rain.

Now safe and mostly dry under the dock, you walk cautiously over the rocky area under the pier where it attaches to the hillside. With your arm out for balance, your flip-flops slap against your heel with each carefully placed, tiptoed step.

“Now what were you about to say when the rain started?” Jordan reaches out to hold the tips of your fingers for more stability, the familiar feeling rushing to your skin again, reminding you exactly where you left off. You swallow thickly before answering.

“I was saying, about what happened at the restaurant — Ahhhhhhh!” you shriek, starting to fall; the heel of your flip-flop wedged between a rock. Squeezing your eyes shut, you brace yourself for impact but instead feel Jordan’s hands under your arms, catching you before you hit the rocky ground.

“You okay?” you hear Jordan ask as you open your eyes.

“Yeah. Thank you. I’m fi—" your words cut off in your throat as your now open eyes get lost in Jordan’s, just mere inches from your own, his lips even closer. You suddenly become very aware of how close his hands are to our breasts, at the same time realizing how badly you want them there — want them all over you. “Jordan,” you whisper faintly before connecting your lips to his.

“You feel it too, don’t you?” Jordan breaths against your lips, breaking the kiss.

You nod ‘yes’ with your forehead pressed against his. “Since the restaurant,” you admit breathily. “I thought our friends were just getting the best of me at first,” you admit, “but that’s what I’ve been trying to say — I want this, I want you!”

You press your lips to his again and he lifts you up. You wrap your legs around his waist as he carries you down from the pile of rocks to a somewhat secluded, sandy area behind them. You tease open his lips with your tongue, pushing into his mouth with ease, his tongue eagerly pushing back against yours.

His knees weaken from the surge of sexual chemistry flowing through you both and he lowers himself carefully to the damp sand with you perched in his lap. As he kisses you, his hands find their way under your shirt and he’s caught off guard by your lack of bra, moaning into the kiss as his palms caress your bare breasts.

Without breaking the kiss, you seamlessly remove your jacket, shrugging it off your shoulders and tossing it to the dry sand behind the two of you. Jordan follows suit, ridding himself of his jacket as well, before quickly returning his hands to your body while his tongue continues to explore your mouth. Crossing your arms over your body you grab the hem of your shirt, lifting it up and pulling away from the kiss to tug it over your head.

“Fuck, your body is gorgeous,” Jordan exhales with hitched breath, mesmerized by the sultry lumps of flesh occupying his hands. “I want you too,” he rushes out breathily before quickly tugging off his own shirt, immediately reconnecting you lips with urgent passion.

His hands navigate from your breasts to your back, pulling you tightly against him — chest to chest  — and migrates his kisses to your neck.

“Jordan,” you whimper, feeling him suck and nip at the sweet spot behind your ear.

“Take these off,” you whisper, tugging at his belt buckle while rolling your hips in his lap. He lets out a throaty moan against your flesh in response; his tender nibbling morphing into an animalistic bite as he thrusts up, grinding his clothed erection against you. “Off,” you plead again, beginning to stand up with one foot planted in the sand on either side of Jordan’s still seated frame as your fingers work at a feverish pace to undo your own shorts.

“Here? You’re sure about this?” he asks, promptly obliging, lifting his hips from the sand and removing his shorts and boxers in one fluid motion.

“Positive. As long as you are too?” you reply, quickly shimmying down your shorts and panties and kicking them off, now standing over Jordan completely bare.

Your answer comes in the form of Jordan reaching up to grab your ass and pulling your core to his mouth.

“Fuck!” you whine, immediately tangling your hands through his curls, holding him in place as he sloppily slides his tongue through your folds and over your clit.

He removes his right hand from your backside and runs it teasingly slow up your inner thigh, sinking two fingers into you when he reaches the part of you that his mouth is so expertly working.

“Yes! Oh god, Jordan, right there,” you chant to the drumming rain above, tugging on his hair interwoven through your fingers as his stroke your g-spot in perfect time with the flick of his tongue.

Bringing your head back to level position, you peer down at him through half-lidded eyes, catching him watching your pleasure-filled expression. His eyes wrinkle in the corner as he smiles up at you, pulling away briefly to put on a show for you. He points his tongue, slowly licking from where his fingers are occupying your entrance, up through your folds and ends by sucking your sensitive bud between his lips, causing your knees to weaken and legs to wobble as a familiar heat begins to build in your abdomen.

“God, I’m so close!” you whine, causing Jordan to pull away with a slurp and slip his fingers out.

“Not yet… you ready for this?” he asks as he strokes himself, using your plentiful arousal.

“Fuck, yes!” you answer, lowering yourself onto his lap where he guides himself inside of you, his jaw falling slack at the feeling.

Holding onto his shoulders for leverage, you begin to bounce up and down on his length. Whispers of his name tumble from your lips as he kisses over the hollow of your throat while gripping your hips, pushing and pulling you against him with your every downward motion.

Keeping one hand on your waist, he slides the other up your inner thigh to where your bodies connect and using his thumb, begins rubbing tight, concentrated circles on your clit.

“Hell yes, Jordan. So good. Make me cum,” you encourage, throwing your head back, and relishing in the sensation as you feel yourself getting close again.

With your words unleashing his dominant side, Jordan quickly rolls you onto your back, taking charge and pinning your hands above your head in the sand. His actions catch you off guard, causing you to let out a surprised and playful shriek. Stifling a laugh, he smirks down at you, watching as you suck your bottom lip in between your teeth. With a dip of his head, he connects his mouth to your neck, lapping at the column of flesh and pivoting his hips between your thighs as the rising tide laps at your feet. The rhythm is slower and more intimate in this position than it was prior, the rolling of his hips matching the elongated in and out pace of the sea.

The water continues to rise along the shore, now reaching half way up your back. Jordan’s slow and splashy thrusts begin to pick up the pace and you can tell he’s close, and so are you. After a few more quickened thrusts you reach your peak, digging your heels into Jordan’s backside and pulling him deep inside you as wave after wave of both orgasm and ocean wash over you. Almost instantly you feel Jordan begin to pulse inside of you, followed by a warm sensation filling you up.

“Shit, I —" he pauses, flopping to your side with a splash, the salty sea air pushing in and out of his lungs as he tries to catch his breath. “Shoulda pulled —-”

“Birth control,” you force out with a huff, turning to look at him and pointing to yourself, unable to form a full sentence.

“Oh, thank goodness,” he smiles in relief, pulling you in for one last quick kiss before getting up. “Dammit —”

“Now what?” you ask, scrambling to your feet.

“Look,” he motions to the once dry patch of sand that held your clothes, now darkened by the rising tide, your clothes and flip-flops banging against a nearby large rock with every wave. “You know we’re busted now, right?” he laughs retrieving his soaked clothing and wringing it between his hands.

“Yeah, I’m not sure how we’re gonna explain this,” you chuckle, doing your best to squeeze the excess water from your clothes as well.

*******************************

“Here goes nothing,” you smile at Jordan before knocking on Josh and Debby’s apartment door.

“That must be them,” you hear Debby say as she approaches the door and then looks in the peephole “Yup. Where the hell have you guys — Woah!” she exclaims with the door now open, taking in the sight of you. “Hey guys…” she turns back addressing the others, “look what the cat dragged in.”

“Umm, care to explain why you two are soaked?” Jenna questions with a quirked brow as she nears the doorway, then reaching into the hall to tug you inside to get a better look; Jordan follows.

“Uhhh, we got stuck in that downpour,” you lie.

“Oh yeah? Then how come both of your clothes are drenched but your hair is mostly dry?” she questions, lifting a handful of your hair. And that’s when she sees it: a tiny gap in an otherwise perfect bite mark on your neck, giving away its maker. “Just sightseeing, huh?” she teases.

By then Josh has caught wind of what’s happening, joining everyone near the door. “See, what did I tell you?” Josh says teasingly, playfully punching Jordan in the arm. “Big brother knows best.”

[acti-veg]

“Should I date someone who isn’t vegan?”

Who you choose to date is a purely personal decision, and no one can really answer this one for you. It’s something I get asked a lot though, so I’ll just try to run through some of the main issues people experience with dating non-vegans and some things to keep in mind.

It’s important to realise that there aren’t that many vegans in the world. While there has been no international polling on vegan numbers, most estimates place it at 1% of the population or less. If you have a particular gender preference as well, that lowers the number of compatible vegans quite considerably, making your chances of finding a suitable vegan partner pretty low. There is always the chance that you will meet someone who isn’t vegan and becomes one while they’re with you, due to finding out more about animal agriculture from their conversations with you, but you’d have to be willing to date someone who isn’t vegan in the first place for that to have any chance to happen. If you’re willing to settle for vegetarianism that improves your chances considerably, but they too are still in minority in most countries. Despite the lower chances, there are some obvious reasons why you might want to hold out for one, or at least someone open to it.

Firstly, on a purely practical basis it makes life easier, being able to share the same food makes living together a great deal easier (and cheaper), and sitting down to eat a meal you have prepared for the both of you is an intimate thing. If you are vegan you may be uncomfortable with having animal products in your fridge too, so if you’re with a vegan you have the opportunity to have an entirely vegan household. There is also the issue that you will probably be unhappy for your money to go towards paying for animal products, so your partner may end up having to buy and pay for some of their food separately to you, as well as preparing it separately. You will also enjoy going to the same sorts of restaurants, meaning a more enjoyable experience dining out for the both of you. Finally, there is the disgust factor from watching someone cook and eat animals in front of you, particularly if you are sharing a cooking space.

What will likely be a bigger issue than any of these will be the divide it creates between people when their views on a particular topic are in direct opposition. This is especially prominent with animal rights, because it tends to be something that vegans are extremely passion about, and in contrast, the general public tend to have a very negative view of it. You can explain the principles behind veganism to your partner, and they can understand the logic, but they will never understand how you feel about it, nor will you ever be able to really understand how they could know what you have told them about animal agriculture and still eat animals. These things do create a divide and can limit how close you can get to someone. 

 As to whether or not you should, my advice would be to have an honest conversation with your potential partner about veganism, make sure they are at the very least open-minded about the concept, and they aren’t going to mock you for it. If you do decide to start dating someone who eats animals, while it is possible they will become vegan while they are with you, you should never enter a relationship with this as the goal you have in mind. You either need to enter a relationship with them accepting who they are, or stay single, but you shouldn’t start dating someone with the intention of changing them later, even if you think it would be changing them for the better. Nor should you get into a relationship with someone if you suspect you might not be able to handle the fact that they aren’t vegan, or it’ll result in unnecessary pain for the both of you.

If you do decide to date someone who isn’t vegan, it’s important you set some boundaries in place. Help them understand why you’re vegan, ask them to watch documentaries with you, this doesn’t take long and anyone who really cares about you should want to understand you better. This will help make sure they treat your veganism with the seriousness and the respect it deserves, and will make them appreciate why you feel so strongly about the issue. If you don’t want animal products in your house then warn them of that from the outset, equally, you should tell them if you have any other limits, like not kissing them after they’ve eaten meat, or not wanting them to eat it in front of you. 

Ultimately this has to be your decision to make. It doesn’t make you any less of a vegan to be dating someone who eats animals, and we don’t all have the luxury of being able to have a partner who shares our values, and we can’t always choose who we develop feelings for. Relationships can work even if you are very different people, but in those cases having absolute honesty from the outset is even more importance, so that both of you know what to expect from the other. Regardless of what you decide, stick to your values and don’t be willing to bend on them for anyone else, but nor should you expect anyone else to change theirs for you. 

(More resources available at Acti-veg.com)

[howellrichard]

Protect Your Energy by Setting Boundaries

Hiya Gorgeous!

Does the thought of certain subjects coming up at your holiday gathering make you want to run, hide or break into nervous laughter? Politics, diets, rival sports teams, parenting styles… You know, those topics.

Over the holidays, we often have the chance to spend extra time with folks we don’t see much throughout the year. And though that can be a blessing, it can also lead to conversations that trigger or hurt us, inject doubt into our minds about our decisions, or make us uncomfortable.

If any of this sounds familiar, please know that whatever you’re doing to cope right now is enough—as long as it’s supporting you and not creating more stress or suffering in your life.

But if your current coping mechanisms aren’t serving you and/or you’d like some new strategies for setting boundaries in relationships (with family, chosen family, friends, coworkers, you name it!), then you’re in the right place.

Today I’m sharing tips for navigating difficult conversations.

You’ll learn simple, compassionate ways to:

Share your point of view (if you want to)

Ask for support from folks, even if they disagree with you

Listen to opposing opinions or unsolicited advice

Maintain healthy boundaries that make you feel safe and confident

Trust your inner wisdom when others question or challenge your decisions

Find a support system for whatever you’ve got goin’ on (I promise, it’s out there!)

Gently end conversations you don’t want to have (yes, you are 100 percent allowed to do that!)

Setting Boundaries, Trusting Yourself and Protecting Your Energy During Difficult Conversations

Setting boundaries isn’t always easy, especially when it comes to the people you’re closest to. These strategies will help you stay strong and keep trusting yourself when your resolve is tested or you feel attacked. Here are some of the most common scenarios you might face and how to handle them!

When you want to make your point

I’m sure you’re passionate about something (or many things!) that can be a little touchy when they come up in conversation. For example, one of the reasons I’m vegan is because I care deeply about animal rights. That can be a really sensitive subject for some folks, so while it’s not a conversation I back down from, I do my best to tread carefully. And healthy debate can be fun and educational if we lead with sensitivity and empathy!

Keep in mind that it’s not your responsibility to change anyone’s mind. If you just want to end the conversation, that’s perfectly ok (we’ll talk about how to do that in a bit). But if you want to take this as an opportunity to open up a dialogue, try these tips:

Feel out the situation. Are the people you’re chatting with open to hearing you out or do they just want to argue? Setting boundaries is about protecting your energy, so don’t waste precious time on a game you didn’t agree to play.

Listen. The most productive conversations allow everyone to get their air time. Try not to interrupt, roll your eyes, spend all your time planning your next rebuttal and so on. Really take in what the other person is saying and they’ll be more likely to do the same when it’s your time to talk.

Choose your words carefully. Use language that’s positive and understanding rather than combative and judgemental. Try phrases like, “You bring up an interesting point. Here’s something else you might consider…” and “It sounds like you’ve thought a lot about this! I’m grateful that we can share our unique perspectives with each other.”

Empower yourself with knowledge, data, etc. If this is a passion of yours and something you do want to talk about when it comes up, be prepared! Root yourself in your why (example: “I’m eating plant-based because it makes me feel better and helps reduce my carbon footprint.”) and get clear on the facts (example: “Actually, humans don’t need to eat animal products to be happy and healthy. Here are some facts about plant-based eaters that inspired me!”).

Know when to stop. If the discussion goes around and around in circles or starts to get heated, call a timeout! It’s important not to let things spiral out of control because that’s when boundaries get blurry. Agree to disagree and move on if the conversation becomes unproductive in any way. You can always come back to it later!

TAKE THE QUIZ NOW

When unwelcome feedback makes you doubt yourself

It can be really tough to resist the pressure to conform or agree, especially when it’s coming from someone we trust. If you’re second-guessing or doubting yourself even though you KNOW what’s in your heart, keep these tips in mind:

Do your best to stay grounded no matter where the conversation takes you. It’s normal to disagree sometimes. You can respect someone else’s point of view without doubting yourself.

Let them know you’re doing what’s best for you right now. You are the number one authority on YOU. Please don’t forget that!

You are not required to justify your feelings or decisions. Feeling the way you feel is the only explanation you need. Remember what I said before about it not being your job to change people’s minds? It’s also not on you to get people to understand your choices.

Come back to your WHY. If a challenging chat shakes you up, be gentle with yourself. Sometimes the stress of a disagreement can put us out of touch with our reasons why. Take some deep breaths and connect back to the purpose behind your choices. Ground yourself in why you made this decision/formed this opinion in the first place.

Give yourself time to reconsider. If an opposing viewpoint DOES make you want to reevaluate, that’s ok! That doesn’t make you weak or indecisive (more like open-minded and wise

). Just don’t feel rushed into changing your tune—take the time you need to think about what you’ve learned and return to the conversation if you want to.

When you want to ask for support

Let’s say you’ve decided to start going to yoga three times a week. But because of the schedule, it means you have to miss a family dinner on one of those days and your crew isn’t thrilled. How do you ask for support? Take these strategies for a spin:

Consider who you’re asking. What’s their communication style? Based on your experience, narrow in on the approach you think they’ll respond to best. Short and sweet? A written note? A formal pitch with with a PowerPoint presentation?

Share what’s meaningful. One of the best ways to ask for support is to lead with the words, “This would be meaningful to me.” Once folks understand where you’re coming from, it’s easier to support you. It’s also easier to not take things personally.

Make a trade. Some good, old-fashioned bartering can come in handy in these situations. Maybe one of your family members feels overwhelmed in the kitchen and could use some help before you head to class. Offer your support. Just make sure it’s a balanced exchange more often than not. While the effort in relationships isn’t always going to be 50/50 (sometimes you give more, sometimes you take more), you deserve to get back the energy you give.

Choose wisely. Just because they love you, doesn’t mean they should be your support system for everything. Take a moment to consider if this is the right person for the job. Sometimes setting boundaries also means accepting what a person can and cannot be to you.

Accept the outcome. So what happens if you ask for support and the person just can’t meet your needs? I know how disappointing this can be, but do your best to accept it and move on. Don’t push or guilt trip—it rarely helps. If this friend or family member is usually there for you, cut them a break. You can find the support you need elsewhere… and you always have access to it within.

When you want to end the conversation

Sometimes, you just don’t want to talk about it. There’s nothing wrong with that and it doesn’t make you rude, stubborn or inflexible. But because we’re taught to be polite (sometimes to a fault), it can be really hard to promptly shut down a conversation.

But when it comes down to it, it’s pretty simple. You can end a convo with compassion and kindness in just a few words. The tough part is sticking to it when you get pushback. Here are a few phrases I’ve had success with:

“I’m really protecting my energy around this topic, can we talk about something else?”

“This isn’t something I’m comfortable talking about right now, let’s move on.”

“I’m not looking for advice about this, but I appreciate the offer!”

“I can tell you’re passionate about this, but I’d prefer it if we changed the subject.”

“I’ll enjoy our time together more if we don’t talk about this—thanks for understanding!”

You have big, bold dreams for your life.

And ya know what? Anything big and bold is bound to attract some attention. Try seeing opposition as scenery on your journey. You can notice it, acknowledge it and even pause to check it out. But it doesn’t have to stop you or throw you off course.

You are wise, valuable, worthy and capable. Your dreams are important and the world needs you to keep chasing them! You’re also not alone—I’m here with you, every step of the way.

Your turn: What do you want to set some boundaries around? Let me know in the comments so we can support each other!

Peace & healthy boundaries,

The post Protect Your Energy by Setting Boundaries appeared first on KrisCarr.com.

[topfygad]

The Best Foods To Eat In Montreal In 2019 (And The Best Montreal Restaurants To Eat Them At)

From bagels fresh from the oven, to warming pho and poutine with a twist, find out the best foods to eat in Montreal, and the restaurants to add to your hit list.

Oh look – I’ve been eating my way around another destination. It’s become quite the habit of mine! It’s all in the name of research though, so I can pass on some top tips to you guys, and encourage you to go on your own culinary adventures.

When it comes to food, Montreal has a reputation for being one of the best cities in Canada. There’s the fabulous mix of French and Canadian cuisine, plus plenty of multicultural dynamics, with Vietnamese, Mexican and Middle Eastern restaurants all making their mark.

There are stylish Montreal restaurants with Instagrammable décor,  food markets to buy Quebecois ingredients, plus places deserving of several Michelin stars, if the rating system was present in Canada.

Old Montreal

Montreal is a city that takes eating out seriously. In fact, after New York, it has more restaurants per capita than any other city in North America. It’s a city I’d 100% recommend you eat your way around, sampling a little bit of everything along your journey. So, take a look at the video, then scroll down to see a few of the best foods to eat in Montreal right now! 

The Best Bagels In Montreal – Fairmount Bagel At Crew Collective

Firstly, Crew Collective is an incredible place to stop for a coffee and a bite to eat. Housed in an old bank, you’ll find the counter area located where the tellers once were. The building is full of opulence, with high ceilings and grand staircases. It’s part café / part workspace too (hello dream freelance office!)

Crew Collective, Montreal

Secondly, Crew Collective serves up great coffee and bagels. I went for the Fairmount bagel, which was served with smoked sockeye salmon, cream cheese, capers, pickled shallots and fresh herbs. Photogenic and tasty, Crew Collective was a great place to soak up the relaxed Montreal vibes too. 

Fairmount Bagel at Crew Collective, Montreal

The Best Pho In Montreal – I Am Pho

There’s a huge Vietnamese population in Montreal. In fact, a lot of the restaurants in Chinatown are actually run by Vietnamese people. It’s a cuisine I absolutely adore. It’s so fresh and flavoursome, with its mix of raw and cooked ingredients, and kicks of chilli and lime.

After a day of snowy adventures on Mount Royal, we headed back to downtown in search of a warming bowl of pho. I Am Pho had excellent reviews, and we couldn’t wait to try it out. After some tasty summer rolls, we both enjoyed a huge bowl of beef pho, which came with all the extras, including lime, beansprouts and fresh lime and basil. It was more than either of us could manage, but it certainly revived us after our busy morning playing in the snow.

Pho at I Am Pho, Montreal

The Best Wine Bar In Montreal – Pullman

A few locals recommended we check out Pullman – a Montreal wine bar, which takes its food just as seriously. It’s a cosy spot, lit by a few flickering candles. There’s an enormous wine list, which at first was overwhelming to flick through, but thankfully the staff were happy to guide us to a bottle that suited our mood and palette.

The food was great too. They serve a menu of small plates, perfect for sharing, with local ingredients like Quebec cheese, and tasty combinations like beets with buttermilk and herbs. Our favourite dishes were the tuna tiradito, venison tartare, and the local cheese board.

Top Tip: If you’d love to try some great wines but often feel restricted by budgets, visit Pullman on a Sunday. The entire wine list is half price, so you can try some bottles that might otherwise have been out of your price range.

Walking by the clock tower in Montreal

The Best Smoked Meat Sandwich In Montreal – Main Deli  

Did you even go to Montreal if you didn’t try a smoked meat sandwich?! This is one of the city’s most iconic foods, and one you should definitely try on your first trip to the city. Montreal smoked meat is made from brisket, then layered up and stuffed between two slices of rye bread with a squirt of yellow mustard for extra flavour.

While everyone will tell you to go to Schwartz’s Deli on Saint-Laurent Boulevard (sometimes there’s a queue out of the door!) we’d had it on good authority that the sandwich at Main Deli opposite was better. It’s not a refined or pretty dish, but that meat sure is tasty.

Smoked meat sandwich at Main Deli, Montreal

The Best Peruvian Food In Montreal – Tiradito

Located close to Place d’Armes, Tiradito is a great spot for times when you fancy a cocktail and a bite to eat in a buzzy environment. It’s a trendy spot, with red neon lights and a young professional clientele.

The passion fruit sour (a twist on the Peruvian pisco sour) was absolutely delicious – sweet, tangy and oh so boozy! Meanwhile, the food was colourful and elegantly presented too. The tuna tiradito was a huge triumph, along with the crab tostadas. I could have happily eaten my way through the entire menu!

Toastadas at Tiradito, Montreal

Cocktails at Tiradito, Montreal

The Best Restaurant With A View Of Montreal – Les Enfants Terribles

We visited Les Enfants Terribles on our final evening in Montreal, and it felt like the perfect spot to reflect on our time in the city. They have a few restaurants around the city, but the star of the show is their 44th floor venue in Place Ville Marie. It’s one of the tallest buildings in the city, and THE place to enjoy lunch or dinner with a view of the city.

In London, restaurants with views as good as this one would come with an enormous price tag. However, the food and drinks at Les Enfants Terribles are surprisingly reasonable, for example mains are between £10-£15. Food was good, although I think this is somewhere you come more to enjoy the experience and the twinkly city lights than anything else!

Dinner at Les Enfants Terribles, Montreal

The Best Value Steak Frites In Montreal – Brasserie T  

Have you heard of Toque! –  one of the best restaurants in Montreal? Well, Brasserie T is its less formal sister restaurant. The ethos is the same though, so expect great ingredients and chefs who know how to really work some magic in the kitchen.

We enjoyed salmon tartare and steak frites, washed down with some delicious red wine. I thought the steak was excellent; juicy, medium rare as requested and served alongside a mountain of perfectly cooked chips. The restaurant was a nice weekend spot, with the buzz of a Parisian brasserie!

Brasserie T, Montreal

Steak frites at Brasserie T, Montreal

The Best Trendy Bar In Montreal – Bar Furco

After dinner one night we were looking for somewhere to go for a drink. Someone recommend we check out Bar Furco, a local bar, housed in a former fur factory. Along with all the usual drinks, Furco has an interesting cocktail list, plus craft beers and organic wines.

We visited on a Saturday night, and I couldn’t help but enjoy the eclectic crowd, which included students in their early 20s, couples in their 50s, and a few big groups of girls in their 30s. There was also a DJ spinning some tunes, creating a bit of a party vibe to welcome in the weekend.

Bar Furco, Montreal

READ MORE: Top Things To Do In Montreal In Winter

The Best Vegan Food In Montreal – LOV 

If you’re vegan or vegetarian, this is one of the best places to eat in Montreal! While most restaurants in Montreal cater for both, LOV was the only place we visited that was dedicated to the cuisine.

We visited the branch in Golden Square Mile, which is beautifully stylish with giant lampshades hanging from the ceiling and plush booths in green and white stripes. The ladies toilets even had a mini urban garden, with a plant growing out of an unused toilet!

The menu at LOV is great fun too, with lots of choice including pasta, tacos, pho, salads, burgers, banh mi and even a vegan poutine. Is it the best poutine in Montreal? Nope, but it’s not far off! Well, when in Quebec…!

Vegan poutine at LOV, Montreal

LOV, Montreal

The Best Poke In Montreal – Le Poke Bar

We rocked up at Le Poke Bar after an intense travel day. Long haul flight + 5 hour time difference + a packed day in the city… we were tired, had eaten lots of carbs and were craving something healthy and delicious.

We were so happy to stumble upon Le Poke Bar. They have several poke bowls on the menu, or you can build your own (as we did). We enjoyed a salmon, kale, edamame and rice creation, which was super fresh and tasty. It was massive too, so if you’re visiting as a couple, I’d recommend ordering one to share. 

Le Poke Bar

The Best Coffee In Montreal – Nous Sommes Café

This is a tough category to judge based on my experiences in the city, as other than a watery Tim Hortons when we were in a hurry, we had a lot of excellent coffee in Montreal.

My favourites were at Pigeon, L’Editeur and Nous Sommes Café. The latter is run by a lovely guy from South Korea, and located in the colourful Plateau neighbourhood. The coffee was great, décor was simple and the metallic cups were next level cool – just check out those reflections! 

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The Best Burger In Montreal – Verses Bistro

After a morning at Bota Bota (Montreal’s spa boat) we were ravenous and in need of big feed! Verses Bistro is a charming spot in Old Montreal, serving up a reasonably priced and varied menu.

The burgers were excellent, stuffed with bacon, brie, pickles and salad. Plus the portion was enormous – I mean, I actually had to admit defeat (which is very rare!)

Burger at Verses Bistro, Montreal

The Best Restaurants In Montreal… to be continued!

And finally – while I feel like I ate my way around Montreal, there are plenty of restaurants I’d book a flight back to try! It’s a city made for food lovers, so if you get the chance, try these and let me know how they are…

Pastel – Innovative tasting menus from top chef Jason Morris.

Europea – A Theatrical culinary odyssey that you’ll never forget (think Heston Blumenthal, but Canadian!)

Monarque – Seasonal ingredients, interesting menus and a great space, complete with a view of the kitchen.

Un Po’ di Più – Exceptional Italian food in a relaxed setting in Montreal’s old town.

Toque! – No.2 on Canada’s 100 Best Restaurants 2018, Toque! takes fine dining to the next level.

Elena – Sleek Italian serving some of the best pizzas in Montreal.

Dinette Triple Crown – Authentic Southern BBQ. They’ll even pack your food into a picnic basket so you can take it to the park!

Macro – One of the best seafood restaurants in Montreal.

Le Blueboy – Playful ice creams for the biggest kid you know. 

Finally, if you want to learn more about the city’s cuisine, I’d recommend taking a Montreal food tour. We really enjoyed the one we did with Local Montreal Food Tours, which introduced us to some great restaurants in Montreal Old Town.

I hope you’ve enjoyed eating your way (virtually) around Montreal with me! Big thanks to Destination Canada, Quebec Original and Tourisme Montreal for inviting us to explore this beautiful city. Lots of great info on their sites if you want to find out more. As always, all opinions are my own.

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