#coping tips for autistic women | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

drdemonprince · 1 year ago

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Hey Doctor Price!

Do you have any tips for how to stay sane while autistic with no privacy? I live in a one room college dorm with a freind and there's literally nowhere anywhere on my campus where I can have even 15 minutes alone without being on edge that someone will come in any second. I'm going nuts and struggling to cope :[

I was in a four person dorm room on a 50,000 student campus and suffered from overwhelm virtually all the time, and I had to compensate by learning to really scope out the places where privacy could be found, so I believe I have some relevant tips for you!

Locate the study rooms or study carrels that can be signed out for individual use, typically in the library. Keep a close eye on them and book them as often and as early as you can, as they tend to be booked up during finals quite quickly.

Scope out the computer labs and study areas in department-specific buildings and get a sense of their busy and fallow periods, especially ones that remain unlocked during the weekends. I worked in the Psychology Department computer lab as a work study student, and they were completely empty on the weekends. The Sociology Department's computer labs were also totally empty most nights and weekends too.

For that matter, find on-campus jobs that can get you some privacy, often lab monitoring or administrative jobs in smaller offices. One summer I worked at the front desk of the student newspaper, which was tucked away on the eighth floor of a massive building, and it got basically no business because it was the summer. I also worked as a Psych Department admin and hid myself away in the copy room and supply closet as often as possible. If a job gives you key card access to break rooms or bathrooms you might not otherwise be able to use, so much the better.

Find the bathrooms that are tucked far away from any heavy activity. Check out the basements, top floors, and down around the corners of long hallways, and near meeting halls that have to be reserved for special events. The Chemistry building had a weird, shitty women's restroom that had been converted from a supply closet across a long walkway connecting two buildings, and everybody hated it. That meant it was nearly always empty. In my old office in the Psych building at Loyola, there was a bathroom off the main hall that was busy, but then another that was up a half flight of stairs near a room that was only ever used for guest speakers. NOBODY used that bathroom. I spent hours in there curled up in the dark vaping.

Learn the rhythms of a building or area of campus so you can take advantage of slow periods. If a building only has one dedicated purpose, such as a massive lecture hall, try checking it out when you know there aren't any class sessions happening. If a building is only used for recitations but those are only on tuesdays and thursdays, check it out on a wednesday. I went to a big football school, so on weekends half the campus was absoultely crawling with sports fans, but the gyms were completely dead during that period.

Stairwells. Sit at the tops of stairwells. If a building has multiple sets of stairs, find one that's far off in a corner and then hike your ass all the way to the top floor. The southwest stairwell of Loyola's Information Commons is a place I've written whole essays in, and even attended Zoom meetings from, it's so quiet.

Learn you roomate's schedule. If you're on good terms, ask them to put their schedule up on a whiteboard where you can see it, and share your own. Both of you will want time alone sometimes, and coordinating can really help. If your'e on good terms you can text as well. If your roommate ever requests alone time to study or to fuck, you get to, too.

Find the totally useless neglected spaces by exploring a little. Some dorm buildings have a shared kitchen in the basement or an activity room with air hockey tables that nobody uses. Laundry rooms are good during off times. Because most campuses are in a perpetual state of construction, there's usually old union buildings or emptied-out department buildings that haven't officially closed down yet but have next to nothing going on in them. There's lots of small waiting areas by professor's offices in nearly every building. Try every door. Duck into available classrooms. You will get interrupted sometimes but the more you learn the countors of the place and its patterns the more mastery you will have, and the less stress you will feel about the possibility of being interrupted.

I know that you said there is nowhere for you to find privacy, Anon, but I promise you that is not true! I have been on 50,000 person campuses, 12,000 person campuses, and for a few years I worked on a 2,000 person campus. I was ALWAYS able to find tucked-away bathrooms, empty classrooms, tops of stairwells, and weird neglected study areas to find some peace in. You can too. Please explore and help yourself feel more in control of this stressful situation! Good luck and let me know how it goes.

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my-autism-adhd-blog · 2 years ago

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Do other autistic women get 10x more emotional during PMS & their period? Any tips for coping?

Hi there,

I found an article from the National Autistic Society that talks about this. Here is an excerpt:

Research suggests that autistic people who menstruate may be more likely to experience:

* increased sensory sensitivities, including:

- sensitivity to the smell and sight of menstrual blood

- the body or skin feeling more sensitive in general

- sensory overload occurring more frequently just before and during menstruation

* increased emotions and challenges with emotional self-regulation (the ability to calm yourself down)

* increased executive function difficulties (finding it difficult to focus, for example)

* excessive menstruation symptoms, including unusually painful periods and heavy menstrual bleeding.

It is important to consult your doctor if your periods are excessively heavy, long and/or are accompanied by PMS (premenstrual syndrome) symptoms, such as mood swings and difficulty sleeping, that are affecting your daily life.

The article will be below if you want to read more:

I hope this helps. Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

#inbox #inbox is open #inbox reply

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sidebaxolotl · 9 months ago

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Do you know of any good resources for dealing with gender dysphoria from a side B or Y Christian angle (i.e., not affirming sin or encouraging transition?) It's not huge in my life but sometimes it comes up and I wish I had more advice for dealing with it. A lot of the stuff I find is unhelpful because it's just plainly restating the rules with how Christianity doesn't condone gender ideology with no practical advice, is in that "how to talk to your friend who has this issue" pov, or just kinda goes "lol pray about it idk". I 100% know and stand by that biological sex is biological sex and don't think it's possible to change to the opposite sex, nor do I really want to... so it's not a matter of needing to persuade me, but it doesn't change that I still have feelings of stress and of not really living up to or fitting in with womanhood. When I'm around other women it can be really difficult because I feel so profoundly different when we should be similar. TIA

Sorry this took so long, I took the time to talk to a couple of people who had dysphoria in the past and some who didn't to get some insight.

Both the people I had talked to who had it had cited porn as a major reason why they developed it in the first place so if thats not ur experience then maybe this wont be as helpful for you 😅

They did bring up a good point that assessing where you think your dysphoria comes from from a psychiatric standpoint could help you figure out how to deal with it and i was given this link:

https://oncurrentevents.substack.com/on-gender-transition-and-psychiatric-disorders

Like for example it was pointed out to me that gd presents a lot like body dysmorphia (specifically, like eating disorders and stuff) so u might be able to use whatever coping mechanisms are used for that to help. It also seems to be a prevalent phenomenon in autistic and adhd individuals so perhaps addressing those things if you have them would help.

I was also linked to this book, the friend in question had remarked that it had helped a lot of the women he knew:

https://a.co/d/6DNWdA2

The guy I talked to said therapy had helped him as well as support from God/ his family but finding non affirming therapists that have a nuanced view on things is extremely difficult, esp if you want a Christian one. Him and I were extremely lucky in that way.

The one woman i spoke to said she quit porn and sobered off gd feelings once she realized transitioning wouldnt truly make her a boy.

I did want to be a boy when i was really young but im not super sure that counts? Idk.

For me what helped was realizing a lot of what made me not want to be a girl at that time was just a reaction to stereotypical gender roles and sexism towards women. Once i started challenging those perceptions and the ways my brain was affirming them i became way more comfortable in my body.

I also had a similar realization as sibling that I'd never truly be able to be a boy if i tried to alter my body. I could wear blue and be the night in shining armor and be a hero and still be a woman, yknow?

Also a lot of it was me being very gay and not realizing it lmaooo

I can def relate to not really fitting in with women--particularly in Christian settings I'm typically the only one who isnt hyperfemme and it can be a bit alienating.

Realizing i wasn't straight kinda helped too since the lesbian perception of womanhood is a lot more fluid than its straight counterpart. Not saying to "go gay" if you aren't but maybe looking into butch and gnc communities and framing your self-perception in that way might help?

If there are any other side b dysphoric folks reading this feel free to chime in with your own tips/resources in dealing with this stuff please!!

#side b #side b dysphoria #lotl thots

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darkobssessions · 4 years ago

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Coping Tips for Autistic Women

I am compiling a list of resources for aspie women along with tips to manage symptoms and navigate the world. Regretably, most of my personal experience comes from living undiagnosed and unaware about this for the last 27 years. There was a giant elephant in the room with everything, and I have only recently worked it out. This means that most of my habits prior to this point were ones attempting to cope with a giant unknown, the limits of which were unclear. But they more or less worked, because, as I am realising, there’s always been something they are attempting to address.

With other diagnoses and ways I attempted to explain and understand my difficulties, there were finite causes and treatments. I should have been improving if I tried x, y, or z. And I did improve my symptoms in many ways, but there was something missing from the picture. That is that autism is my personality, my state of being, how I process and view the world. And no tool, medication, process or treatment was ever going to change who I really was. Being misdiagnosed (or being missed and failing to receive the autism diagnosis) means that I have been trying to correct something that you cant ‘correct’, and shaming myself for something fundamentally me.

Some of the tips I learned over time, from how I am as a person, without the framework of reference of neurodivergence or autism:

Sensory:

My sensitivity has always been a big waving flag. I felt and saw things others didn’t. I felt more deeply. I sensed the microeffects and changes in everything. I responded harder and faster to any chemical, environmental shift, any positive or negative event, As we all do on the spectrum, we attempt to navigate our sensory environment. And we come up with coping mechanisms, good or bad, before or after we realise we are on the spectrum. For me this was a strong aversion to the things that upset me, that disturbed my senses. It was an orienting of myself in a way to avoid the disturbances, going inwards, withdrawing and even shutting down. I learned that I could not and did not want to handle crowds, loud places, supermarkets. I lived in a giant simulation attempting to minimise and avoid as much as possible the things that hurt. I learned that I was extremely sensitive, no one else seemed to be, and I just had to manage it. Since discovering autism in the last weeks, I am able to embrace the fact that sensory overload is a thing, and I really do feel pain in my body when things are too much and too loud, and just wearing earplugs has mitigated so much of this. I was gas lighting myself before about feeling a certain way because there was no explanation, that I was aware of anyway.

Physical:

I have had so many problems over the years, since I was a young girl. I used to get food poisoning symptoms really easily. I had hidden allergies. I remember a lot of my childhood spent doubled up with stomach pains, or having a fever. My family didn’t know any better and fed me and treated me as they did every other member. I was not the same, I did not feel the same, but I took it all in. By the time I was in my early teen years, I had cemented my aversion to certain foods, taken the only control I had at the time against an encroaching and controlling mother and turned it into anorexia. I avoided things I didn’t like, again, and set up a system of control that made more sense than the gaping wounds and confusion within me. Starvation triggered bulimia. And a viscous cycle of malnourishment and dysregulation unfolded. I didn’t learn until many, many years later that my system was so sensitive and damaged that if I tried to go back to how I used to eat as a child, I would get terrible symptoms. So my coping tips as I have healed from the eating disorders and become more aware is to figure out what the triggers are, what hurts, and to avoid it. This along with adding in nutrient dense foods and working on the deficiencies has done wonders for me. I’ve done tremendous work on my autoimmune conditions, gut problems, sensitivities and inflammation levels and the difference is like night and day. That I can induce psychotic symptoms by deviating or introducing foods I am intolerant to is no joke. The tip I can share is elimination diets truly do work, the keto diet is recommended, and eating the carnivorous way saved my life. My eating disorders for almost 15 years INCLUDING the 7.5 years I was a vegan, mostly high raw and fruitarian depleted my nutrients so badly that every symptom was enhanced 100% and I was eating pretty much ONLY food I was actually intolerant to. Ahem, plants, I’m talking to you. The peace I feel, the nourishment and rest on a nervous system level having eliminated them is unreal.

Social:

I have always known I was different, in a deep, visceral way. How the adults in my life answered questions was inadequate. I saw through people and things. I was far too intense and serious. I learned to watch and observe humans and pick up cues so as to attempt to fit in. I spent the majority of my life masking, something I am only now finding out about and unraveling. I kept notes on the human experience, and saved colours, sounds, feelings, because I felt like I couldn’t communicate the truth of myself otherwise. Over the course of my life there have been inexplicable (until now) events. Lost friendships and relationships, strings of broken promises, people not acting on what they say, confusions and miscommunications, and many dangerous situations and predatory bonds. I made what sense I could of it from whatever lens I could find. It was the trauma, it was my soul contract, it was what I deserved, it was being targeted- all close, but not quite within the realm of being so naive, open and fundamentally different as you are on the spectrum. I just always assumed everybody was like me. I had to learn the very extremely hard way that not everyone felt and thought in the same way, nor had good intentions. I still struggle with the fact that humans don’t tell the truth. It is of no relevance whether they secretly know it. Most people are more comfortable with illusions. I always knew this, but the diagnosis gives me a lot more peace around it. It’s allowing me to accept the fact that if I look around the majority of the people I see are not walking around processing and over-analysing everything, feeling sounds, decoding patterns and obsessed with hacking the code of reality. Less pressure that way, and more in the way of what can be viewed as natural interaction on my part. I will solve the mystery of the universe out loud otherwise, and get the blank looks and the discomfort. I have found my people, a tribe of likeminded individuals, I have gathered friends over the years that didn’t run from my weirdness. But I am mostly content to be on my own, knowing that I can only use what is around me to try to convey how I feel and who I really am. And that will probably be a book, a movie or a work of art, much better than a 2pm rendezvous when I can’t stop talking about the hidden signs.

Emotional:

With the intensity of my emotions I have developed borderline personality disorder as a means to cope with being autistic and not knowing. I have been diagnosed with both that and bipolar because I have intense stints of emotions. They come and go in waves, lasting hours, lasting days and weeks. I consider it to be an energy management system to cope with the demands and stressors of modern day living. Creatives always withdraw and hibernate, and come out with new insights and art to share. The way that I feel and view the world is special. It’s at the basis of my writing, what I choose to engage with and how. My emotions make me who I am. I feel intensely, I share passionately about how I feel. I snap, I break, I shutdown, I come out again and I am a bright, shooting star. There is an excited little animal that lives within me and it is the strongest most passionate thing known to man. I thought that my negative experiences or trauma killed it, but this is before I knew it IS me and cannot die. So I have stopped trying to cram these emotions in or explain them. Stopped trying to attribute them to whatever script people were following when they dealt with me. Throwing me into the depressive, anxious, panic stricken, eating disordered basket case category. The missing piece now makes so much sense. The ways I responded to being autistic were coping mechanisms, such as developing a personality disorder, to deal with the pressure. My psyche splintered under the weight. My tip here is in embracing your inner life and world, embracing that you are different, so that all of the mental and emotional acrobatics needed to attempt to explain the issues or fit in can be put to rest.

Spiritual:

Being different and feeling differently means I naturally saw and expressed things in quite a strange way. I was convinced of a secret world to reality, behind reality, living on behind a paper shell, so to speak, that would rip if only I could reach out and tear it aside. That conviction was rewarded as year after year my awareness grew, my gifts multiplied, and the experiences I had revealed to me the hidden hand of god. There was very much design to the universe, a pattern, weaving through all things. And i was a part of it, not some discarded afterthought or simple byproduct that had no place. In the early years, I kept my convictions to myself, nursed them with experience. I died a thousand deaths in dark nights of the soul, crashing against the turf of my ignorance. I broke open, and everything I had been so sure of as a child was revealed to me again and again. I was convinced I had a purpose, I could feel the deep tides of human emotion and motion, could feel into the genetic sequence that had birthed me. I felt like an alien, but that slowly over time the map of my operation was being revealed to me. This is what it feels like so many years later to stand here and find out about being autistic and realise that how I felt in my soul all these years was real, and that I can begin to truly fulfill this mission now, to share my experience in words I know others will understand because they feel the same way too. It was the challenges that I never understood, while the gifts were the reason to stay alive. My message to myself and others now is that there is a point, a reason to persevere and understand yourself more. The suffering reveals so much of the true state of things, so that we can protect our tender hearts and build new things that honour who we really are, our souls.

Resources, movies, literature to follow. I just wanted to share something of a summary now of my realisations since coming home to myself.

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keenmarvellover · 5 years ago

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POSTS FOR YOU - 2

Some links to posts with valuable content you want in one place.(BASICALLY EVERYTHING IS THERE)

Suggestions and Recommendations are appreciated and accepted.

Last Updated : 31/12/2020

NOTE: Some of these post are written in a crude and unruly fashion. But they contain valuable tips, guidance and information. If you can't/don't want to read such posts, then don't read.

Mental Health

SELF-CARE MASTERPOST

Maybe this is what YOU need or 1 mutual of yours needs. So reblog.

Masterlist for Everything

Abuse. Self-harm. Theraphy. Suicide. Self-love. Coping. Chatrooms.

Masterlist for Everything(Part II)

A list of things to make you feel less overwhelmed.

Masterposts for a Bad Day

Check this out. (Part II)

Anxiety Attack vs Panic Attack

Please share and spread this knowledge.

Health

How to use an EpiPen

Please read the whole thread as tips and small bits of info have been added later

Bonjour Jolie - A site to order Period Boxes

It sends you basics like hygiene products, pain medication as well as snacks and pampering stuff to make you feel good with foods tailored to your specific needs

Staying warm during the Cold Wave

Tips to stay warm during the cold weather (sub zero conditions)

An App for people with problems communicating

during an attack or breakdown

How to get rid of Migraines?

How to get rid of tension migraines, normal migraines and sinus migraines

Basic exercises to do after sitting for a Long time

Please share if you feel you and your mutuals sit in front of a screen for long

Sensory- Friendly Clothing Line

Perfect for autistic children and adults

Chest Binder Information

How, Where and When of Chest Binding.

Artists

Drawing Asian Characters/People

Common misconceptions and some tips.

Free Applications to use instead of Adobe Photoshop

Saves a great deal of money for artists whoc can't afford it

Sites to report to if your work gets stolen

Check it out and spread.

How to draw Hands

With diagrams/pics

Basics for Art Students

That were not taught in school

Apps to find Pictures

Apps that do not steal, or show illegal pictures

Writers

How to write a Bilingual Character

When writing a character, write it effectively. Make it realistic and believable.

Useful Art Resources

This is an extensive list of resources for every problem you could come across while writing/planning/editing your novel.

How to end your Story

Types of endings for your stories.

How to write a Muslim Characters

Don't write stereotypes or false information spread by ignorant racist individuals

Virtue Continuum

A good chart for character development, especially when contrasting how they are vs. how they see themselves

A guide to coding and fanwork in AO3

Did you know you can write "Choose Your Own Adventure" on AO3. Bet you didn't.

Valuable Knowledge if you are planning on publishing a book

Given by a person who actually did it

Tips from an Experienced Writer

on writing scenes with different themes.

How to put “wrote fan-fiction” on your résumé

Actual tips and sentences that can be inserted in a resume for ARTISTS, WRITERS, GRAPHIC DESIGNERS.

Types of knives, blades, daggers and pointy things

References for writing those action scenes

College AU Scenarios

From real life

Character Designing

All aspects are covered.

Readers

Books by Muslim Authors

Some incredible books written by muslim authors that you should definitely check out.(2020 releases included)

Getting Creative on giving your comments

Use these if you wanna leave kudos or like again.

Students

Sites to get Free Course Books

Education is a right, it is not a service.

Tips to study when you have ADHD

May this post make your life a little more less daunting

School Cheat Sheets

I love op. They are a godsend to me and many other students. Period

Study Tips from a Psychology Teacher

To memorize and shit

Chrome Extensions

Note: All these extensions are free

Resources Masterlist for STUDENTS

Good Bless the person who made this.

Museums you can visit online

Saves you time and money

Sites for learning Ancient Languages

Pretty much everything is there

Miscellaneous/Life Hacks

A thread of Tips for Life on Adulthood

Tips, life hacks, everything is there.

Alignments Chart Memes

All empty and ready to be filled by YOU.

For the members of the LGBTQ+ Community who are religious

Please check it out.

Revenge Recipies by LGBTQ+ Community

It is not top secret Family recipe anymore.

If you are feeling bored, things to check out

Includes topics for artists, writers and random.

How to prepare for a Protests effectively

Please share. Valuable tips, guidance, information and help in one place.

Accessible Gardening for people with Physical Disabilities

Link to Book PDF

Clothing Tips and Hacks for Men

Men's fashion.( Collars and Cuffs)

Various Fancy Knots

Something fancy that you can DIY

How to remove A Content Blocker

Or how to get content without removing ad blocker

Make your own Language

This site has its own smart translator.

Sites to find Music according to your tastes

Some sites for when you’re bored and looking for new music

Rotten Apples/Fresh Apples

Check if a certain movie or TV show has any affiliation with anyone who was accused of sexual assault.

Desis

How to be an ANTI-CASTE Ally if you are an Upper-Caste

READ IT.

NOT ONLY DESI

All inclusive list to embrace your culture, history and ethnicity.

Safety

Encrypting Your Internet Surfing

Cybersecurity through firewalls created by Lava Lamps

What to do if you find yourself homeless

Tips for LIVING ALONE

Safety Products for Women

HOW TO FLAG PEDOPHILES

Tips That Can Save Your Kid’s Life.

Recognizing Abuse Masterlist

Fire Safety

If you are taken abroad AGAINST YOUR WILL

#safety #writers #artists #students #micellenaous #readers #mental health

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tallysgreatestfan · 4 years ago

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tw discussions of (fandom) bullying, ableism and trauma

I saw others discuss this before, but it is pretty obvious that one reason for the intense hate against Entrapdak, beside the ableism, gender bias, biphobia and inability to see nuance, is that disabled people are typically already traumatized and thus easier to abuse. Add in that most Entrapdak shippers are not just disabled, but queer disabled people, and even a lot of queer disabled POC, and there are even more layers of trauma.

Glimm/adora is hated because it’s a direct rival, but Entrapdak just takes attention away from the oh so perfect canon OTP and these people can’t stand to not be the center of attention for one second, but also it is just so much safer to abuse someone who is oppressed, because they have a harder time fighting back.

The antis are definitely at this level of malicious, conscious or not, and I saw several instances of deliberately triggering someone, death threats and suicide baiting.

I don’t mean that as “we are weak”, I mean it in that it very unfairly stacked and that oppression is in every aspect of society, even fandom.

Don’t have a full solution for this, this is way too complex a problem, but I can share tips that helped a bit for me:

The first is imagining the traumatized part of yourself as a separate entity, sitting in the room beside you, and comfort them with your adult knowledge and the way you learned to cope with it. This can be fairly emotional and intense, so do it with a friend or family member or therapist beside you who can bring you back in reality if needed.

It does not fully eliminate how they use our trauma against us, but it makes it easier to separate. Because one reason this bullying works so well is because it ticks into already existing traumas - for me it is being abused by very similar middle school bullies for being autistic and my weird interests - and if you become aware of this subconscious connection, you can react (more) with your adult self to it, and the threat is not as large anymore.

The second part is affirming yourself that these people are not really a threat, but just pathetic, whiny trolls. Most of them are about 15 years old, cis, white, abled neurotypicals who first saw the word feminism one year ago and think it means “abuse all men, women can never do anything wrong”. They are not capable of understanding nuance and manage to miss about 90 percent of the plot points in the show, but still think they have authority about how to interpret it and how others should interpret it. More specifically, there is one who created a whole confession blog just to spam it with their own Entrapdak hate confessions. There is one who managed to miss that Hordak has ears. At least two send themselves anon hate (that has a suspiciously similiar writing style to their usual ramblings) so that they can claim they are persecuted. Not to mention all the not quite as funny but equally petty and ignorant takes they regularly come up with.

Of course there are often outliners that are more threatening, but even they belong to the same group as these trolls. Realizing how pathetic they are takes a lot of their power away, because someone pathetic rarely is a threat anymore. They feel like a threat because they know how to play into trauma, but they have no power about life outside of internet and thoughts, their motivations are petty and their understanding lacking.

If you are not as full of surpressed anger as I, you can also try to have empathy for them. What a sad and exhausting life they must lead, when they have to show that they are pure enough to warrant respect every single day, have to focus on what they hate instead of doing what they love, and when every impure misstep can bring their friends to abandon them.

Now, this takes practice, and I am still not fully able to do it, but it does help.

#Entrapdak #anti spop fandom #spop fandom critical #fandom ableism #toxic fandom #negativity #tw abuse #ableism #trauma

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luulapants · 4 years ago

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Can I ask, if you have the time or energy, could you point in the direction of some resources for figuring out if autistic on top of my adhd. Cuz like. i’m relating a little harder than i’d like to be to so many things lol. I just saw your post about the flat tone and it was sort of a final click in my brain that i might as well ask. No worries if not! This ask is totally coming out of nowhere

Hey, no worries at all! I’m not actually familiar with any specific resources - can any followers recommend blogs/forums/etc??

Here’s what I can tell you off the tip of my brain at least:

Self-diagnosis without a professional diagnosis is very common among adults and especially adult women. That’s partly because of financial/logistical barriers in accessing mental healthcare. It’s partly because, if you got to adulthood without diagnosis, your symptoms are probably on the subtle side. But another BIG part of it is that the diagnostic criteria for autism are reeeeallly biased toward the behavior of cis boys and especially toward childhood diagnosis. A lot of the criteria have to do with how verbal you are, and if you’ve managed to get this far in life, you’re probably pretty damn good at compensating or performing verbal skills.

That’s not to discourage you from getting a professional diagnosis, but you should know that it’s not always feasible and it’s definitely not necessary. If it’s helpful to you to identify with the symptoms and using coping techniques you find in online autism resources, then it’s helpful! Go for it!

I sort of got diagnosed by accident and late in life. I mentioned to my therapist that my best friend jokes that I’m autistic, and my therapist said, “Oh, you definitely are. I gave you an evaluation like a year ago.”

And I was like, “Sorry, hWHAT?”

And she was like, “Yeah, remember when I was giving you all those questionnaires and stuff?”

And I was like, “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME???”

And she said, “Well, it wasn’t your biggest problem at the time, and I didn’t want to freak you out.”

Which I find absolutely hilarious AND FAIR. But I also know she disregarded a lot of the standard diagnostic criteria because of the bias toward young boys. Some therapists recognize the issues and are willing to do that, some won’t be.

IDK, was this helpful?? I hope this was helpful. If you have other questions, please feel free to ask!

#asd life #autism #asks #personal #bookwormcheerleader

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millie1536 · 5 years ago

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Autistic Bessie meets Maria and Maggie for the first time! I finally finished it!

TW: Mentions of death (accidental, suicide and murder), Spiders, Mentions of tarantula death (AKA why you don’t handle tarantulas more than a foot off the ground)

Disclaimer: I love tarantulas but I’ve never had any as pets (Hopefully I can get one when I’m older) so everything about Ebony is based on what I’ve read and watched about them.

“Bessie, sweetheart,” Joan sighed as she shifted slightly to relieve some of the pain in her leg, “I need to get up, alright?” Bessie whimpered and snuggled closer to Joan. It had been three days since Joan had been able to do anything resembling housework and the house was beginning to resemble a dump.

“Why don’t you go clean Ebony’s terrarium?” Joan asked, trying to coax the young girl off her lap.

“Cuddles.” Bessie mumbled as she tightened her arms around Joan’s shoulders.

“I know, sweetie, I want to have cuddles, too,” Joan said gently, running a hand through Bessie’s long hair, “But I need to wash up and do some laundry and you told me yesterday that you needed to clean Ebony’s tank.” Bessie hummed in response.

“Then cuddles?” She asked, sitting up.

“Yes, once we’ve cleaned up around here we can watch a movie and cuddle for the rest of the day.” Joan agreed, smiling as she watched Bessie jump off her and run upstairs.

Just as the last of the dish water drained from the sink Joan heard a knock at the front door. She stood at the sink for a moment trying to remember if she had made plans with anyone before a second set of knocks got her moving.

“Oh thank god,” said a voice as Joan opened the door, “I thought we were going to have to break a window or something.”

“Maggie? What-“

“Your mum called,” Maggie told her, “She said you needed help around the house and I figured it was as good an excuse as any for us to meet our new niece.”

“I told her we should have called first.” Maria added.

“But where’s the fun in that?” Maggie asked, seemingly offended by the suggestion that she forewarn her cousin before dropping by, “So, where is this new kid of yours?”

“She’s upstairs,” Joan said, stepping aside to let her cousin and her best friend past, “I’ll go tell her you’re here. Hopefully she’ll come down once she’s finished with Ebony.”

“Who’s Ebony?” Maria asked, “Has she got a pet or something?”

“Yeah,” Joan nodded, “A tarantula.” Joan couldn’t help but laugh at the way Maria’s widened with fear.

“A tarantula?” Maria repeated, “As in a big fury spider that could kill all of us?”

“No, as in a big fury spider that, if she were to bite us, could hurt us but is definitely not able to kill us.” Despite Joan’s assurance that Bessie’s tarantula would not kill anyone Maria didn’t seemed convinced.

Between the three of them Maggie, Maria and Joan managed to tidy up the main area of the house in less than half an hour.

“Who want’s coffee?” Maria asked as they surveyed their work.

“I’ve only got decaf.” Joan warned as Maria moved towards the pantry.

“You? Decaf?” Maggie stared at Joan in disbelief, “Who are you and what have you done to Joey?” Joan just shrugged.

“I can’t risk a caffeine overdose with Bessie here,” She sighed, “and the easiest way to prevent it is to just take caffeine out of the equation all together.”

“How are you coping?” Maria asked gently, sitting beside Joan on the sofa, the coffee completely forgotten.

“I’m fine,” Joan smiled weakly, “It’s just caffeine.”

“I’m not just talking about caffeine, love,” Maria put an arm around Joan’s shoulders, pulling her into a side hug, “How are you coping with everything? How’s Bessie?” Joan sighed, letting her head fall onto Maria’s shoulder.

“I don’t know,” She admitted, “Bessie seems fine most of the time but it’s hard to tell. I just don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Have you asked your mum? She might have some tips, you were about Bessie’s age when you were adopted, weren’t you?” Maggie asked, trying to remember how old she and Joan were when they first met.

“Yeah,” Joan nodded, “But I didn’t have anywhere near the trauma Bessie has. My dad died in motorcycle accident a few days after I was born and my mum killed herself when I was 3 months old.” Joan shrugged, she seemed to be the least distressed of the trio when it came to her parents’ death.

“Do…” Maria paused, unsure whether or not she had any right to ask her question, “Do you know what happened to Bessie’s parents?”

“You remember John Blount?” Joan asked.

“The guy who went crazy and killed his pregnant wife? Yeah, I remember.” Maria nodded.

“Turns out they had a five year old daughter,” Joan told her friends, “They kept it out of the papers for privacy reasons.” A heavy silence descended on the room.

“And Bessie…” Maggie tried but could seem to get the words out.

“Yes,” Joan said, her bottom lip trembling slightly at the thought of it, “She hasn’t brought it up and I haven’t asked her yet, I’m not sure if I ever will.”

The three women stayed huddled together until the sound of small feet running down the stairs pulled them out of their comfortable silence.

“Bessie,” Joan said, in what was becoming her ‘mum’ voice, “Please don’t run on the stairs.”

“Sorry!” Bessie called out, louder than necessary.

“We’re working on volume control,” Joan said quietly to Maggie and Maria who couldn’t help but smile a little. Then as Bessie rounded the corner, “Bessie, this is my cousin Maggie and our friend Maria.”

“Hello.” Bessie gave a small nod, unsure of what she was meant to do.

“I didn’t know they would be dropping by,” Joan said gently, moving to kneel in front of Bessie, “If I had I would have told you, alright? I promise.” Again Bessie nodded then, leaning closer to Joan, whispered,

“What am I meant to do?” Joan smiled warmly at the young girl.

“There’s no right or wrong. You can stay with us, you can go up to your room or into the backyard, you could take Maggie upstairs to see your collection, or-“

��What about Maria?” Bessie asked, her head tilting to one side.

“Maria isn’t particularly fond of spiders.” Joan told her.

“I bet Ebony could change her mind.” Bessie said confidently.

“I’m sure she could,” Joan agreed, she herself had become rather fond of the spider, “But not today, alright?”

“Alright,” Bessie agreed before nervously looking over to the women on the couch, “Um… Maggie? Would you like to meet my pets?” She quickly looked back at Joan who gave her an encouraging nod.

“I would love to,” Maggie smiled widely, “What sort of pets do you have?”

“Well,” Bessie began as she lead Maggie upstairs, “I have Ebony, she’s a Brazilian Black Tarantula, then there’s…” Joan and Maria exchanged looks as Bessie and Maggie disappeared up the stairs.

“Something tells me the two of them are going to get along just fine.” Maria laughed.

“I mean that was never not an option, really. You know what Maggie’s like.” Joan grinned but there was a hint of something else in her eyes, sadness? Anger? Maria couldn’t place her finger on it but she decided that whatever it was it was between Joan and Maggie.

“She’s beautiful,” Maggie gasped as she looked at the large spider on the other side of the glass, “But I thought you said she was a Brazilian Black?”

“She is.” Bessie told her.

“But she’s brown.” Maggie said, not taking her eyes off the spider.

“Oh, that’s because she hasn’t moulted yet,” Bessie explained, “Sometimes they are brown until their first moult and then they turn black.”

“They can really change that much?” Maggie asked, looking to Bessie.

“Yeah, it’s really cool.” Bessie said proudly.

“Is she friendly?” Maggie asked, wanting to keep the conversation going. Bessie shrugged.

“It depends on the day. Tarantulas are kind of like cats,” She explained, “Sometimes they want to be near you and sometimes they don’t.”

“So, it’s an eight legged cat that can kill you?” A voice asked, Maria and Joan had been watching from the doorway as Bessie talked about her spider.

“The four legged ones can kill you, too,” Bessie told Maria, “People get scratched and they don’t realise how much bacteria gets under a cats claws and so they don’t clean it properly and sometimes people get really bad infections and some have died.” Maria turned to Joan.

“Remind me never to get a cat.” She said.

“You don’t have to be scared of animals,” Bessie said as she picked up a paintbrush, “Watch this.” Carefully so as not to spook Ebony Bessie removed the lid from her terrarium. Maggie and Maria watched in awe as the girl gently tapped the spider’s abdomen.

“See?” Bessie didn’t take her eyes of the animal, “She’s very docile today, if she had turned around and tried to bite the paintbrush then it means she wants to be left alone but she didn’t so I could pick her up if I wanted to,” Bessie giggled at the look of horror on Maria’s face, “Don’t worry, I’m not going to pick her up here. Whenever I handle her I move the tank to the floor so that if she falls she won’t get hurt. Tarantulas are actually really fragile, if I were to drop her from this height,” She held her hand level with her waist, “She’d die because her abdomen is so big that it would burst on impact with the floor.”

“You know a lot about tarantulas.” Maggie told the girl, again Bessie shrugged.

“They’re not like dogs and cats where you can kind of learn how to look after them as you go. You need to know what to do before you get them because some of them are really sensitive to temperature and humidity and stuff.”

“She seems like a nice kid.” Maria said after Bessie had gone to bed that night.

“I think she likes the two of you, too,” Joan sounded relieved, “She wouldn’t have told you all that stuff about Ebony if she didn’t like you.”

“Do you know what you’re going to do when you go back to work?” Maggie asked, it was clear that she had a suggestion.

“I’m not sure, I don’t want to start her at school right away.”

“What if we looked after her?” Joan chuckled at the mischievous glint in Maggie’s eyes, “We could move in here and help out with housework, too.”

“I don’t know, Mags.”

“Hey,” Maria said encouragingly, “Remember what we always used to talk about at Uni? We all said we wanted to move in together and no seems like as good a time as any.”

“Better than some, even.” Maggie added. Joan sighed and held her hands up in defeat.

“Alright, I’ll talk to Bessie about it.”

“Yes!” Maggie cheered.

“Just for the record,” Maria said seriously, “I will be legally changing my name to Auntie Ria.”

#six #six the musical #bessie on the bass #autistic bessie #autism #joan on the keys #maria on the drums #maggie on the guitar #tarantula #six fanfic #six fanfiction

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hol-eage · 6 years ago

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I keep wondering wether I have autisms or not. I'm a girl and I feel like there is not much info about it or it seems incomplete. Any advice?

hey darling! I’ve gotten similar asks a few times

theres a huge amount to go over in working this out, this reply is gonna be long im sorry!!!

I think one of the biggest ways to feel it out and get a grasp on whether you might be autistic is to... use autistic coping strategies

I found myself feeling reaffirmed once i saw how much easier my life was when i was sensory regulating for the first time,

years of therapy and anxiety/mood coping strategies didnt make as much impact as realising that the root of so many of my problems was my oversensitivity to light and sound and touch, and my under-sensitivity to smell

things i do to regulate:

//putting a hat/cap on when its not gloomy, //wearing headphones 90% of the time, //purposely stimming to regulate (sniffing wood scented candles, //looking at crystals/glass that reflects light, //pacing in circles for hours, //rocking, //my weighted blanket...)

//having soft lighting in my room, an eye mask for sleeping and when im in sensory overload, //loud full volume music, //routine (routine! routine! Routine!), //not forcing myself to eat foods that made me uncomfortable or //wear clothes that were itchy or uncomfy

so thats a good place to start!

🌩🦇

things to search for

Go onto the hashtag #actuallyautistic,

I personally have a highlight on my instagram @/hgjosephine called ‘Calm’ thats about autism

stay away from parent led conversation (so fucking misinformed, abusive and depressing), stay away from autism speaks (disgusting charity), stay away from male autism stuff (not bc its bad and there are overlaps but overall i find it incredibly unhelpful and confusing in relation to my autistic experience)

I think the organisation National Autistic Society is safe! So read up information from them

🍂🌩

Good things to search youtube for are:

-Stimming

-masking

-executive dysfunction

-special interests

-Ted talks by girls/women with autism

-Burnout

-“Why functioning labels are harmful”

-Shutdowns

-Meltdowns

-Nonverbal

-emotional regulation

-Sensory overload

-Sensory processing

-girls with autism misdiagnosis

-Autism spectrum (learning what the spectrum is exactly is incredibly important, and isnt readily shared or understood!!!)

⛈🚏

A beautiful little documentary on youtube by the Channel 4 News called ‘Autism documentary: inside the UK’s only school for autistic girls’

In this documentary something the head teacher said struck a chord with me,

“We need to go looking for the lost girls. The girls who might need a diagnosis but haven’t had one because I suspect that they’re often excluded from school, they may be in prisons or young offenders centres, they may be living homeless. They’re vulnerable and misunderstood.”

The second she said “lost girls” I burst into tears, idk man it just feels like that’s what we are, it’s the most accurate description and it’s fucking heart breaking.

🧶🧦

The youtuber ‘Agony Autie’ is also beautiful and a wonderful resource,

Another good youtuber is Amythest Scaber

🌌🗺

An autistic illustrator who sometimes does autism specific illustrations is @/petite_gloom on instagram

🍂🐻

I personally got referred by the mental health team (when they realised my problems didnt stem from mental health and my mental health problems were a side effect of living as an undiagnosed, unsupported autistic girl)

So if you have problems with anxiety or anything like that and can be referred to a mental health team they will be more supportive and understanding

Though if not, talking to your GP is a start, asking to be assessed for autism

(long long waiting list in most places, in the UK at least)

Doctors will be less informed on girls with Autism as the research is still new, so taking a print out from a site like National Autistic Society might be helpful.

You may find that you’ve been mislabelling things that youve been going through, examples i have are:

//Thinking meltdowns were panic attacks,

//Thinking sensory problems making me breakdown and cry (for no apparent reason) was depression,

//Thinking burnout was depression

//Thinking agitation and tics were moodswings and anxiety (they are mood swings and anxiety but using different labels helps you understand the root of it is autism based rather than mental health based)

��⛈

If you need any specific tips then im more than happy to give advice! Questions on coping in certain situations, stimming suggestions, specifics on any of the things i listed etc etc

Good luck! I hope you’re safe:( i’m rooting for you!!!!!

#diary #autism #actuallyautistic

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stillworriedaboutrae-blog · 6 years ago

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Important!

I’ve been gone for a few weeks because I’ve been working on something very special -

This is a website I have made specifically for autistic girls and women! On this website you can become a member (totally free) and use the forums to discuss; coping strategies, tips for difficult situations, your experiences as an autistic girl and you can earn badges as you become a more active member - I also run a blog on the website where I discuss my experiences as an autistic teenager starting at university in the hope it will be something you might be able to relate to or help me with!

My hope is for it to be a safe space free from negativity and judgment where we can just be ourselves :) please reblog and share, I need this to reach as many autistic girls as possible! X

Please sign up to the website - the more people using it, the more support and a better community. Everything is totally free for you, but it cost me a lot of money to set up - so please don’t let it flop ahaha

#autism #autistic #actuallyautistic #aspiegirl #autisticgirl #visual stim #feminism

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buncompass · 7 years ago

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I guess I’m gonna blog about it now. This turned way longer than I thought it was going to, so it’s going under a read more.

A few months ago I was filling my time by researching depression. My depression is chronic, and though it fluctuates in intensity, it’s always there. I was debating getting back into therapy or finding alternative options when I stumbled upon an article about how women with undiagnosed autism are more likely to have chronic or persistent depression. I read through it and all of a sudden something clicked.

As a preschooler I was incredibly intelligent. I could read, write, and speak well. I had an endearing (that became annoying) quirk of mouthing my sentences again after I’d spoken them. Despite being friendly, I didn’t like being touched. I hated hugs and cuddles unless I initiated them. I was very aware of my personal space and didn’t like it when people got too close to me. I liked being by myself, and only had one friend until around third grade. My isolationist tendencies were favorable because they made me the “good one,” and I was never alone in a house with two brothers and my mom’s daycare. My parents divorced when I was 7, right after my favorite cousin had died. My family put me in therapy and patted themselves on the back for being proactive while also assuming that any problems I had would be addressed.

As I grew up, I learned that people like eye contact, so I trained myself to look at the point in between their eyes to give the appearance of it without actually looking into their eyes. At school, I was the queen of over-sharing. I was obsessed with my family’s heritage and talked endlessly about being half Indonesian. Without ever having to study, I aced every class except for math. I hated math because I couldn’t do it automatically. I got irrationally stressed over it, and would panic and forget everything I learned. I counted with my fingers, and if someone made fun of me for it, found ways to be discreet. I excelled in English, and fell in love with characters who didn’t tease and stories that made sense.

I had a vivid imagination and used toys to practice talking to people, and notoriously carried some sort of security item around with me until I was much older. I saw Toy Story and then Chuckie not too long after, which gave me a pervasive feeling that my toys were alive and could communicate and could also get upset with me. I worried endlessly about accidentally hurting my toys’ feelings and never gave them away, amassing an insane amount of stuffies on my bed and in a hammock on my wall. It annoyed my mother, which scared me. She was an alcoholic with a lot of feelings, and I felt every person’s emotions as deeply as my own. It overwhelmed me.

Middle school was a tricky transitional time. Puberty was rough. My stepmom got me an American Girl book called “The Care and Keeping of You” which I treated like my how-to guide for both puberty and socialization. There were sections on how to talk to friends and sections on how to brush your hair; it was a goldmine of tips for me. I referenced it every day. I memorized it as the Way To Do Things, and when my stepmom teased me about it, I found ways to adapt so it wasn’t so obvious.

I had spent my life up until that point wearing clothes that were comfortable. People started mocking me for wearing sports bras and men’s clothing. I hated the feeling of denim, the tightness of women’s clothing, and the overall feeling of exposure regular bras gave me. When I started wearing women’s clothing, I made sure to have at least one day a week where I wore baggy clothes, but made sure that they looked good; baggy jeans or sweatpants with tight t-shirts, tank tops layered under zip-ups, and various other combinations. I learned that my appearance mattered more than my comfort, and I resented it. My parents accused me of being dramatic, but the feeling of a bra strap digging into my shoulder was not one I could ignore; I was aware of my clothes at all times, and I hated it.

My friends started expressing interest in sex and I was always uncomfortable during those conversations; I never had sexual thoughts. While my friends fantasized about their crushes being their ‘first time’, I fantasized about my crush and I going on heists and adventures. I went along with what others wanted from me, and had a few not okay experiences because of it. When everyone started flirting by hugging and tickling, I was always a target. My friends would hug me and laugh when I stimmed and pushed them away, imitating the way I moved and calling me “twitch”. I started cracking my knuckles or wiggling my toes in my shoes instead of flapping my hands. I trained myself to hug, even though I hated it.

People knew that I misunderstood blunt statements. Sarcasm had already been a defense mechanism at that point for me; if I said something stupid people thought I was joking and it helped me learn. Boys at school would ask me out and then laugh at my confusion. If they weren’t mocking me through fake flirting, they made do with the fact that bluntness threw me off. They’d see me in my comfy boy clothes and asked me how much I could bench or challenge me to races. If I agreed to their challenges, they’d laugh the entire time and I wouldn’t understand why until later. At home, it wasn’t much better. My stepmom would buy my birthday present in front of me, tell me it was for my cousin, and then laugh when I would open it and be surprised. She’d tell people how naive and gullible I was.

High school made things easier for me. I had solid friends at that point, though I was caught between two cliques, which made the popular kids unsure of me. I coasted through the social side by being nice and smart. I learned to hide parts of my personality away depending on which group I was with, and learned to read body language to avoid being seen as weird. I repressed my need to stim, though I cracked my knuckles whenever I got anxious and played with my jewelry often. At that point, people understood that liking to read wasn’t bad, so anytime I got overwhelmed in public I’d pull out a book and people left me alone. My isolationist tendencies came back, but being a teenage girl gave me some leeway in regards to hiding in my room and being emotional over nothing. I found ways to balance things that set off my sensory overload; I only read under lamps and never used overhead lights; I wore comfortable clothing that didn’t set off any tactile issues; I learned what volume setting I could handle on various TVs and computers. I began using self-deprecating humor to beat people to the punch, and was known for my jokes as a result. I was already dealing with depression, so I feigned happiness every day to make sure that no one would ever find out about all the things that I kept hidden and locked away.

I am autistic. As a child my traits were favorable compared to my rambunctious peers, so no one questioned me. When I started going through the more difficult parts of life, my family and therapists attributed my feelings and actions to the divorce, my cousin’s death, and my mother’s addictions. By the time I got to high school I had developed coping mechanisms based off of the treatment I received from my classmates and family that kept me under the radar. I’ve always obsessed over my special interests, I’ve always been on the edge of socially acceptable, I’ve always found ways to deflect and mask.

I lived for 25 years without understanding a piece of who I am. I read that post a few months ago and the world fell into place. I took questionnaires and read studies and got lost in finding myself. I researched how doctors formally diagnose and found out that I have Asperger’s, which is now referred to as Autism Spectrum Disorder. It doesn’t change anything, but it helps me understand. I am autistic, and that’s okay.

#actuallyautistic #autism #long post #personal #journaling #just a casual timeline #i've been thinking about this stuff forever #so many of the things i was teased for were traits of my autism

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adulting-with-autism · 7 years ago

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I’m looking for tips from other autistic women who have experienced pregnancy. My partner and I are planning to conceive sometime during the upcoming year, and I’m wondering what to expect in terms of pregnancy and sensory issues, emotional issues, coping strategies, etc. Does anyone have any advice?

I’m going to open this up to followers as I don’t believe anyone here has experienced pregnancy

Apologies

Liz

#ask #pregnancy #liz #Anonymous

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autisticawesomeness-archive-blog · 7 years ago

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Hey, I am totally Neuro typical but I have an autistic oc. I was wondering if you would give me advice on what you would like to see in media if I ever get published. He ISs is nonverbal and hates loud sounds and eye contact. When he gets scared he runs off to see plants. He likes plants and keeps some flowers with him. He has trouble with clothes and touch and has a cloak and one shirt that he can where. I still have questions about stimming. What it is and how do i (if I should) write it?

Alright! First of all, I think that you might want to take a look at @scriptautistic; they are a blog specifically designed to help writers write autistic characters. Their FAQ is a very good place to start, and you can search keywords like ‘nonverbal’ or ‘stimming’ on their blog.

First of all, I think you picked a very risky character to write. No offense. Since you’re using ‘he’ pronouns, I’m assuming he’s a guy. Your autistic character is a nonverbal guy. I’m going to state this right now, for the record: I have literally never seen a nonverbal character written well by a neurotypical. If I saw this on the back of a book, I’d put it back like I’d been burned.

Aside from the fact that I’ve never seen a nonverbal character written well by a neurotypical, he also sounds stereotypical. This post by scriptautistic describes the stereotypical autistic character. As you can see, you’re already ticking off at least four of the twelve points just with your short description. This is a big risk to take, especially for a neurotypical. You might want to work to make sure that you don’t fall into the other categories as well.

What I do like about your character is his special interest in plants. The fact that he carries around a couple of flowers with him is very realistic, at least in my experience; I had the habit of carrying books around for the longest time because they were my special interest and comforted me.

Aside from that, this particular type of special interest has potential to become unique if you make sure to not make him focus on the science of plants, but rather on nurturing them. I’ll get deeper into what I mean by that later.

This post is becoming way too long, so I’ll put the rest under the cut..

First of all, I’ll give you a couple of general tips for writing autistic characters:

Be careful what sites you use for research. Remember that actually autistic people should always be your primary source material. Autism Speaks is awful, if the sites mention ABA or therapy aimed to make people ‘indistinguishable from peers’, run. ASAN, however, is a good place to start. As is the Autism Women’s Network.

Be aware of stereotypes. I’ve already mentioned that your character has fairly stereotypical traits, but you can still avoid making him stereotypical if you know what you’re doing. Research the fuck out of stereotypes and try to avoid and/or deconstruct them if possible.

Give your character a personality. A problem with many neurotypical writers attempting to write an autistic character is that they forget to give their character a personality beyond their autistic traits. Yes, autism affects every part of us, but we are still unique individuals. Don’t write your character like an autism traits checklist.

It’s ‘autistic’, not ‘person with autism’. People will try to tell you different, but the vast majority of autistic people prefer ‘autistic’. You did this good already, but I thought I’d mention it anyway.

Get autistic beta/sensitivity readers. Sometimes neurotypicals manage to create an autistic despite not having sensitivity readers, but it’s not recommended.

Give your character an integral part in the plot, that is not to be a motivation for another character. If your character solely exists as a motivation for another character (ex: the autistic younger brother that the big brother must protect), honestly, stop. It’s insulting to be treated as a plot device. At the very least, give us agency and have us affect the plot through our own actions.

If a character is acting ableist, call them out in the narrative. Not to say that you need to have a character going ‘uh, that’s ableist’, just condemn the actions. For example, if a mother tells someone about their child’s autistic diagnosis without their permission, have the other characters side-eye her, or have the autistic character protest, or just put a sentence in that makes it clear that the narrator disapproves of the behaviour.

Write an autistic character, but don’t write about autism. This is general advice for any minority you don’t belong too. Our experiences are unique and an outsider can’t fully tell them. Write an autistic character, but don’t make your story about autism.

Don’t make him ‘grow out’ of his autistic traits. Don’t show character development by making him stop stimming or something.

And lastly, don’t other your character. It’s okay to make it clear that he’s different from your other characters, but make sure that they respect him and consider him one of their own anyway. Don’t make him seem like an alien.

Secondly, I’m going to adress writing the ‘nonverbal’ part of your character, as you have to be really careful with that, especially since you’re neurotypical. I’m not nonverbal, but I can give you a couple of general tips and things to keep in mind when writing a nonverbal autistic character:

PLEASE do extensive research, and base your character primarily on the experience of actual nonverbal autistic people. If you don’t you will reinforce negative stereotypes, whether you know it or not.

Remember that alternate forms of communication exist. Since you mentioned a cloak, I’m assuming your story isn’t set in modern day times (we don’t really have cloaks anymore after all), and in that case, AAC technology doesn’t exist. Even so, research ways your character could communicate with people around them without talking (I’d advise against making him rely solely on charades; it can work, but you’ll run a high risk of falling into the stereotype that nonverbal people can’t communicate at all).

Remember not to infantilize your character. Autistic people can come across as childish, but if your character is an adult, they are still an adult, even if they’re nonverbal and autistic. Write him like his age. Give your character agency, opinions, etc. (you’d think this goes without saying but you’d be wrong)

Now, let’s move onto stimming. Since you don’t know what it is, I’m assuming you haven’t researched autism a lot. That’s okay, there’s a place to start for everyone. However, assume that you don’t know a lot. This resource post by scriptautistic has a lot of good resources listed. And the FAQ of this blog, autism-asks, is very extensive and contains good explenations for basic things. ‘What is stimming?’ is answered in detail there too.

I made a seperate post about writing stimming here, because I thought this would be useful to many more people.

For your character specifically, I’d recommend making him stim with soft textures, his cloak (by rubbing/fidgeting with it), the plants he carries with him (by rubbing the petals, for example), to start with.

Now, we get to your character specifically. You have given me very little information to work with, but I can give you a couple of tips nonetheless:

Decide your character’s empathy level. Autistics often experience empathy differently from neurotypicals. Simplified, we tend to either have a lot of it (hyperempathy) or low/no empathy. Researching both would be good, however for your character specifically, I strongly recommend giving him hyperempathy. This is underrepresented and since you already have given your character a lot of stereotypical autistic traits, giving him the stereotypical low empathy on top of all that would be a bad idea.

Also, people with hyperempathy tend to also have empathy for things like plants/animals, which could be interesting in combination with his special interest.

I mentioned earlier that having your character focus on the nurturing side of his special interest (aka taking care of plants, making them grow, developing a garden), rather than the scientific aspect (their biology, their cells, etc.) would be a good idea. If your character focuses on nurturing things, making them grow, they tend to have a ‘caretaker’ personality. This defeats the stereotype that autistics are heartless/have no emotions. This could work to humanize the character and to make him unique.

Furthermore, it would bring your character farther from the stereotypical autistic male, who is often obsessed with math/science. Giving them the science side of plants as their special interest, however, would play into that stereotype.

However, DON’T make him a savant. He doesn’t ‘magically’ grow plants (unless actual magic is involved). He has simply spent a lot of time with them and therefore knows a lot more about them than the average person. Don’t make him a genius.

You mentioned that he runs to plants when he feels scared. Why? Does focusing on his special interest comfort him? Does he stim with the smell? Is it a familiar environment for him? A combination? Specify this to yourself and the readers.

How practical is running to plants when he feels scared? Where does he live? Does he ever move to a place without plants, or travel? What happens when he doesn’t have access to this coping mechanism?

Take care not to infantilize them and make sure your other characters respect him, his intelligence, and his opinion. From what you’ve told me, there’s a pretty high risk of that happening, especially with the running away when feeling scared thing.

I recommend that you read Anne Ursu’s The Real Boy (here on the Book Depository, here on Amazon USA), partly because it’s fucking good, partly the main character is an autistic boy who doesn’t like eye contact and is hypersensitive and has a special interest in herbs. It sounds like your character has a lot of similarities with him, and it might help to read a similar character.

However, Ursu is still neurotypical, so don’t treat is as a bible.

Here is an interview with Ursu (does spoil the book) that might help you gain some insight.

Here is a review by Disability in Kidlit (which is a good resource in general), that also might help you gain some insight (again, spoils the book).

Primarily, I recommend that you do a shitton of research, and listen to autistic people.

If you have any more questions, feel free to ask!

#autistic fiction #personal posts #reddragonwaterkitty #ask

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autismus-obscurus · 8 years ago

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On self-dx

A while ago, someone asked me privately to tell them why I was clearly pro self-dx. It's a question I have seen a lot. It's a complex topic and there's a lot of misconceptions about what self-dx even is. Here's a slightly adapted version of my answer (under a cut so I don’t clog your dash). If anyone else has something to add, please do.

Also, TW: swearing. Sorry not sorry, It's just how I talk.

First off, we have to define what self-dx even is. Self dx is NOT googling "autism symptoms", reading one list, and the deciding "oh I'm autistic, lets go beg for pity". I can't speak for all autistics, but I don't fucking want pity. That's not the point of saying you're autistic. I just want to live without constant overload, okay? Lets go a bit more into detail: I’m very clearly pro self-dx, but I will not take someone seriously who takes one test and reads one blog post and then decides “I’m autistic.” That’s not how this works. Self-dx means hours upon hours of reading blogs, of reading articles, of checking the criteria again and again (cynically said, you're checking off a list, we'll get to that again later on), of asking autistics about every tiny trait you suspect could point towards or against it, of self doubt, of hope, of finding autistics spreading positivity or Autism Speaks / Autism Moms(TM) telling you you’re a monster. It’s emotionally draining as fuck. Self-dx is a search for identity. It’s trying to find out why your life is the way it is, why you are a certain way and how to cope with problems in a way that doesn’t do any more damage.

This line of thought goes in hand with another tumblr thing: Many people shit on self-dx because there's this nearly immortal assumption that people self-dx because it’s “cool” to be mentally ill. It’s not. Admittedly, teenagers are fucking weird and maybe some genuinely think they are ill when they are not, but I'm convinced that is the minority at best. Also, when we get to the point of preteneding to be sick that’s a legitimate disorder in itself. (Münchhausen or imposter’s syndrome. I've heard it called pathological lying, but that's quite a bit different and also a disorder that people cannot control and need help for.)

Let's look at a few statistics. In Europe 30% of people are officially diagnosed with a disorder under the ICD-10 / DSM-V. 75% of mental disorders start in adolescence (according to a German survey, BGS 98; here's also a link to the offical WHO page with statistics: HERE). The survey does not include those who are too ashamed to get help, who have no access to help, who are just not taken serious or have to fear abuse if it becomes known. Autism is not a mental disorder, obviously, but the staggering majority of autistics in the past was diagnosed as a child and face many of the same problems. (I’ll get to why the diagnosis age is a problem for autistic people in general in a second.) Now imagine finding a community of people who understand you, who can give you actually helpful tips, and you don’t have to reveal your identity. Anything classified as abnormal is still a taboo. People don’t believe you or make jokes about you. Example: I had to fight for an autism diagnosis because my dad, and I quote, says “there is nothing wrong with you”. No, there’s not, but I’m still autistic. That’s the mindset people apply to any neurodivergence. As to the matter of why so many people on the internet claim to be neurodivergent / mentally ill, I have a theory of my own. I can’t prove it, but it makes sense for me. Many neurodivergencies make it hard to go out. I’m introverted as hell, and often don't have the spoons to go out. So what do I do? I spend my life at home, browsing the internet. It takes me so much less effort to keep contact with people than if I had to go out and meet them. No sensory overload, nothing unexpected will happen. Meanwhile, the healthy people and extroverts are out and about having fun their own way. And, coming back to the community, on here it’s a lot easier to express your thoughts, especially on taboo topics.

Example: I think reading this text we can agree that my English (my second language) is reasonably good and that I’m a logical, intelligent person that can express arguments in an ordered manner. Right? Well, if you would be talking to me face to face, I would probably not make a whole lot of sense. I stutter, I lose trains of thoughts, I fall over my vocabulary, my pronunciation is often wobbly and then I will inevitably panic and make even less sense (this goes for talking in my L1 as well, in case anyone wonders). I’m not dumb, but face to face communication is hard.

Next up, the issue with psychologists and getting diagnosed. There is this pervasive notion that pschologists are The Authority (TM) who know everything and nobody else can be as good as them. Here's the thing: Psychologists are human. They’re not omniscient. And sometimes those psychologists are just shit. They can be sexist, and racist, and narcissistic. They can be condescending, and unable to admit they doN't know enough about a topic, and flat out ignore new evidence because it doesn’t fit their worldview. Go in the actuallyautistic tag. The amount of people who are dismissed by their therapists because this so called professional “has a feeling” they’re not autistic is ridiculous. Feelings don’t matter. Only the diagnostic interview matters, but the patients are denied that because a psychologist trusts his gut more than science. Without a decent self-dx it will be pretty hard to get diagnosed as a teenager or adult. On top of that, once you have learned to pass, autistic traits get lost or suppressed for fear of punishment. Often you have to convince them to test you with a detailed list that describes how you fit the DSM criteria. Which is by definition already a self-dx. "Oh, but psychologist are trained for that, surely they know!!!!!11!" I’m a psychology student. I just got an A in my clinical psychology class. I'll write my thesis in clinical psychology probably. The amount of diagnoses you have to learn does not allow to go in depth of anything. What a psychologist does is listen to you and check boxes on a list. (Sound familiar? I said we'd get there again.) We didn't even talk about autism. I did a presentation on it, found out my course teacher doesn't even know ABA is harmful (his point was "well the literature says it's effective"; Are You Kidding?). Our paedagogy prof spewed some ableist phrases pitying her friend that has an autistic kid. The perks of being an undercover autistic person :))) (That's sarcasm.)

To get back to the point: An ableist at worst, at best uneducated psychologist decides if you’re autistic, solely on what they have been told. The amount of posts that goes "I was denied diagnosis because I have good grades / are a girl / have friends / can talk" is ridiculous.

Example: I was in therapy three times until I was fifteen and NONE of them got the idea I might be autistic, despite me showing pretty severe symptoms. I had to self-dx and then convince my therapist to test me. I only even got that idea because we watched Rain Man in school. Seriously? Who knows you better: You or a psychologist you know for an hour?

Okay, before I get carried off, all of that assumes you actually get as far as being tested. To get there, it requires parents to listen to their kid. Parents typically don’t want anything to be wrong with their kid. (There’s nothing wrong with being autistic, but too many people still think that.)

Example: My dad still doesn’t believe I’m autistic. My diagnosis was four years ago. Because, I quote, “There’s nothing wrong with you.” No there’s not, but that doesn’t make me allistic.

The amount of stereotypes and ableist myths is staggering. Autism is one of the most misunderstood conditions I’ve ever researched. The DSM criteria are shit. They are, since decades, based on boys. They’re very limited, and while not wrong, describe things in a way that makes it hard for people to find "atypical" examples (stereotypical interests = trains). What about girls obsessed with horses? Nobody thinks that’s abnormal, yet it’s very possible. There are still a ton of people who think girls cannot be autistic, or if they are, to use the ableist principles this idea is founded on, they have to be “low-functioning”. The truth is, even the diagnostic interviews can’t pick up on autistic girls very well, that is a known fact. (Look at this link for example: HERE) I have most of those posts tagged either as info or ableism, but I don't have the spoons to check right now and my internet is shit.) To paraphrase the article and the other sources I know: Most autistic females just fly under the radar because they’re better at adapting and hiding it. That doesn’t have to be a conscious effort, but it’s exhausting, and then you sit there as a teenager and wonder why you’re feeling like shit because you never learned healthy autistic coping machanisms (or got punished for them).

Example: I didn’t learn of stimming, of dyspraxia, of sensory processing issue and literally everything that had defined my daily life until I found the autsitic community. I don’t think my therapist ever heard of that and I was labeled too “high-functioning” to actually get help. I managed, and back then I was fine, or thought I was after the depression wore off. I’m paying the price for that now.

People of color and women are severely mis- and underdiagnosed in literally everything medical. Teenagers are very rarely taken seriously, especially girls. Some people don’t believe autism exists at all. Now, assume somebody has understanding parents or teachers or is an adult, and could, thoretically go to a doctor to get diagnosed. Because (paraphrasing the original ask here) by validating self-dx we only push the notiion that you don't need a doctor to be diagnosed (which is again the Autority Lane (TM)). Well, yes, it would be preferable to get an official diagnosis, for the accomodations alone, but there is a shitton of reasons not to.

Example: I am currently undiagnosed. How so? My therapist made a deal with my parents that we would not write down the diagnosis, to prevent it from bringing me trouble. At first I was like “that’s ableist bullshit”. It’s not. Well, it still involves a lot of ableism, but there are a lot of reasons why I have to weigh if getting a diagnosis is worth it, even though I clearly need the help right now.

Here is a list of good reasons why someone could choose not to get professionally diagnosed:

money (in Germany healthcare is mostly free, but in the US getting a diagnosis can cost several thousand dollar)

autistic people are at a much higher risk of abuse, and don’t get taken as seriously (see ABA therapy and Autism Moms)

With an autism diagnosis you can be instituationalized far easier against your will (that works with almost all mental diagnoses)

In Germany you will have a harder time getting an insurance, they will make you pay more and don’t provide certain services e.g. You want an insurance for when you become unable to work, you know, like almost everyone has? Yeah, forget about it, autistic people don’t get that.

It can be used against you when you get in a fight about your kids’ custody

Medical ableism is a thing. You can have everything from a cold to cancer, from depression to borderline, it’s all The Autism. Autistic people are often seen as not having enough insight into their own body and mind to judge their own body (just like women, so as an autistic woman you're fucked twice as much :))) )

Getting a job outside of “supportive” businesses (read: they want Rain Man. They’re IT businesses who want autistic programmers and engineers, everyone else is pretty much fucked.) will be almost impossible. Autism is a disability and nobody wants disabled people past what the necessary quota is.

In the psych field there are no officially diagnosed people I know of, one researcher’s work was discredited when it came out she was autistic. I was already warned several times that I should hide my autism if I wanted to get a job at all.

basically, people are shit and can and will use your diagnosis against you

Lastly, I don’t really understand why people are so hateful towards the self-dx crowd. I can’t prove that there’s no black sheep, but most of them are people who look to improve their lives and better their mental health. Let’s put it like this:

The anti-self dx crowd: Only psychologists can tell if you’re autistic. Self-dx: I think I’m autistic. Antis: How dare you! I can clearly tell you’re not autistic. Fuck off, faker.

Call me cynic, but that is the core of reason most anti-self-dxers apply. Who the hell gave them the authority to judge other people? How do you know what a person is going through from reading two posts on tumblr? This isn’t some elite club. That kind of thinking ostracizes us even more when we alread have to fight so hard to be allwoed to live. Who are the self-dxers hurting? The ableists treat us like shit anyway. And honestly? I’d rather let in five fakers than have an autistic person suffer alone because of they can’t “prove” they’re autistic.

Dev out.

#actually autistic #self-dx #ableism #discourse #autism #aspergers

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mariawnuk76 · 6 years ago

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Losing Weight Starts Here

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Work along with an equally dedicated soulmate. Do not let one another into. Get a lifting partner every bit as determined, or maybe more so, than you are.

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Melatonin usually does not lose it’s effectiveness. The Melatonin should not stop coping with continuous purposes. If by some slight chance it is going to stop taking it for two days, or even perhaps a week. If you restart the Melatonin it should work fine. Melatonin taken in Autistic kids can be purchased to produce other benefits as well. The children who take Melatonin are found to be more alert the overnight. Melatonin has also been found to assist with some anxiety and gloominess. This can be a way evade medications that sometimes have harmful undesirable.

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