#in conclusion: he needs therapy asap

[chaoticdelinqueerwithglitter]

Okay, I'm so sorry bc I'm about to ramble a lot about Sanzu, but I HAD TO! (well, I don't had to but I feel the urge to do it, some tomato tomato 😌 )

I'm going to try to put some order on it, but no guarantees bc there is a lot to say about the gremlin, he's a complicated character with a very twisted brain who never did anything wrong and is totally not his fault, not at all.

(Attempt of vehicular manslaughter with a katana just in case? He had a silly day, poor him )

Basically, I need to talk about this: "i must remain with those who damaged me so they never grow bored and find another victim"

(please, don't take it wrong, I just spent too many hours of my life thinking about him but I can totally understand how this can be a possible read! 🙏🏻)

First of all: Haru doesn't stay with those who damaged him and (here comes the tricky part) when he's actually aware they damaged him. Wakui told us he used to ran away from home as a kid, in plural. You know, typical 8 yo who slashes his big brother face and runs away (Takeomi, when I catch you for this one... Argh, not going there bc he was also a neglected kid but ugh). We also known that around the time he got both timelines in his brain, he ran away for good and probably was homeless for months until Mucho. Typical 13 yo experience too, but all good, the character book says abandoned cold warehouses is one of his fav places. (Wakui wtf for real 💀)

So yeah, Haru preferred to sleep on warehouses for months before staying one more day with his family. Took a knife against his brother before allowing whatever shit was going on (not a conscious decision probably bc he was just a kid and I'm 100% it was an instinctive reaction due to being triggered af). I genuinely think he's not the type who would remind quite and compliant in a place where he gets constantly hurt.

Except when it comes to the Sanos. Yups, Sanos, not just Mikey.

Here we start with delulu going strong, bc first of all, as obvious as it seems for the rest of the world: Haru is not aware of how much the Sanos damaged him. Bc of trauma (I'll go there in a while, wait for it) but also, bc he copes with huge amounts of denial, repress and delusions. If he admits this to himself, he'd break in thousand pieces. So he can't. 🙃

(besides the fact his mind is totally broken and reality can be hard to grasp, obv)

(always glad to recover this meme, it fits him too damn well xD)

Also, he's selfish in the most weird way ever. He wouldn't care about random hypothetical victims, not even the slightest. He gives up his own self for Mikey, but is his terribly wrong choice. He's doing it bc is what he believes, what he wants. What he promised too. But he doesn't give a shit who gets caught up in the middle. The king comes first, always.

A few exceptions where it actually hurts him if these people are in the middle of Mikey's way to... To keep living, I guess? But Mucho proved to us who would Haru choose. It will be painful, but his choice is clear. And yeah, it's a choice rooted in severe trauma, obviously. But still, a willing choice. He had months to plan Mucho's murder + how to convince Mikey of his loyalty and found a new gang together. It was a premeditated and wrong so so wrong choice. C'mon, he even pulled the whole speech of "I'm your one and only friend" to Mikey! 🌈coughcoughgaysogaycoughcough 🌈

And just bc I like sharing the hidden pain in the details Wakui left for us... Go to check on this funny (no) parallels!

But yups, is a willing decision where he's pretty much aware how this is going to end. He'll follow Mikey no matter the price, so he's fully delusional but at the same time, knows this is not going to end well for himself and accepts it. The delusion goes more in the sense of believing he can protect Mikey and keep him alive (again, he needs to believe that bc he'll fall right after his king, we all know it, he won't last one day bearing with another timeline with Mikey being dead 🥲 ).

Here, we also have a more accurate translation of this panel on the right side! IT CHANGES A LOT! Sanzu wasn't in a trance, he chose to follow Mikey bc he was infatuated and he needed to declare his love in front of 500 delinquents or something. Biggest simp ever! 🔥

Sorry, I'm doing a long ass chaotic post, argh! (I shouldn't be allowed to talk about him, I have too much to say that probably no one cares or the people who cares are equally obsessive for Sanzu and already knows, oopsie? 😅)

But yeah, my point here is mostly that Haru doesn't see himself as a victim and he'd actually be pretty much jealous if Mikey got another dog to mistreat and give for granted. As we can see in the way he insults Michi, actually. "I didn't spend the last twelve years as a willing slave for the stinky to come here and steal Mikey from me, wtf" 😑

The other important point: Sanzu is not protecting the world from Mikey, he is protecting Mikey. Period. (well, trying his best but protecting someone from themselves is hard)

Now I'm gonna sound like him, but bear with me here for a moment. Sanzu is not Mikey's victim. For one simple reason: He is Shinichiro's victim. Tl0 Shinchiro created Sanzu, that's it. (this is me rambling about Shinichiro's dubious educational methods, big part of it is related to Haruchiyo)

And yeah, Mikey was a shitty friend who gave him away like a stray cat, ignored him for years, gave him for granted and the list keeps on and on. But Sanzu stayed with this level of blind loyalty and obsession bc he remembered Mikey dying in a hospital bed for four years and that wired him forever.

Who told him to keep being Mikey's friend, who made him promised it when he just got scarred for life, was Shinichiro. Mikey wasn't in control when he did that, we all know at this point it was the consequences of Shin's timeleaping (bc yes, Shin, consequences exists honey 🙄). And yeah, 8 yo Haruchiyo without more than one timeline accepted forgiving Mikey, that's totally there and already concerning. But at the same time, for a or b, he kept some distances from him and Baji, to the point he wasn't there when Toman was founded (probably bc Mikey pushed him away too). To the point Draken wasn't aware that Haru was also Mikey's childhood friend.

But the moment he gets tl0 memories back? Then everything changes and he goes totally bananas stalking following Mikey around. I'm not saying the root for him being a simp with zero self-respect wasn't there, bc ofc it was.

Mikey was his first friend, one that probably didn't have any problem standing against Takeomi (as we saw with Kazutora's dad). Haru was a weird kid with a a traumatic childhood, ofc he clung onto his first friend (and probably only until Baji joined). Mikey was a mostly happy an energetic kid, spoiled even if he also lived some tragedies. Ofc the shy and traumatized kid admired him and got blinded by how bright he was. But it didn't go that hard until tl0 imploded.

What happens when you take a traumatized kid who was willing to forgive his friend for scarring him for life and add the memories of how that same friend spent 4 years in a coma to end up dying? Oh, and it turns out the accident didn't happen in exchange of his scars? The ones he was willing to forgive and now he's suddenly too damn aware were the price to pay for Mikey's life? Oh, and he was totally not-okay and slashing people for defending Mikey's honor bc trauma of having his friend in a vegetative state? Oh, he also got told by an adult he admired that it was fine to kill some random for saving Mikey? Oh well. Hi, Sanzu.✨ (I love you baby, but you need therapy and to stay the fuck away from the Sanos, thanks )

I hope this makes some sense, bc I'm fully aware my thoughts about Sanzu are too intertwined and is difficult af to organize them in a way that makes sense from the outside. Tbh, Sanzu mind doesn't makes that much sense either in general. But I felt it was important to explain more about what moves him and why he acts like that. He's in an emotional and insane gremlin who is also good at plotting and deceiving. But the reasons why he does it? Yeah, half of the time he's triggered and trying to not confuse timelines, sounds emotional to me.

I guess my point is mostly this: Sanzu Haruchiyo earnestly believes everything he does is to keep his promise of being Mikey's friend for life, no matter what. That's his goal. He's following Shinichiro steps and he'll sacrifice himself and everyone else for it bc that's also what Shin did. In a really twisted way, he sees it as an honor. Only he knows the truth, only he can be there for Mikey. Only he can be the knight his king needs.

(When I say Takuya should get the fuck away from there I mean it 😭)

thinking (again) about @chaoticdelinqueerwithglitter 's harutaku headcanons. oog.

[ohmegayeen]

Thoughts b4 bed, this...got ridiculously long..SKIP TOWARDS THE END for my Peri and Dev idea I'd like to personally see if you don't care about my godparenting ramble. 💖 (I marked it with a star for easy spotting.)

Godparenting is self harm (in certain situations). You CANNOT pair a fairy, who has basic empathy, with a child who is being neglected and/or abused, and expect them to NOT get attached or to love them.

Cosmo and Wanda loved Timmy. They were his parents!!

Juandissimo loved Remy. He couldn't move on from him.

It's also horrible for the kids when they get a fairy who doesn't develop that parental/guardian relationship.

Peri failed Dev because he remained distant and overly professional. (I'm not saying he didn't care, that's a whole other debate. I'm just saying he was not what Dev needed. Dev needed a Cosmo, Wanda, or Juandissimo.)

I'm sure other fairies failed kids in similar situations, maybe even worse, because they didn't want to fall into that emotional trap. It's BEYOND hard not to. You would have to be extremely hardened, dissociated, or heartless in order to do that.

At least the kids get to forget their failed experience.

Fairies have to remember. They have to remember for the rest of their lives that they either:

A) Got bonded with a kid and had to say goodbye, a type of goodbye that's honestly like a funeral. You will never see each other again (except in passing. But you can't contact them.) The loss and yearning would be too much for anyone.

B) Have to remember that they couldn't bond with the kid and thus failed them. They failed that neglected/abused child. That child had to grow up with their abuse without any escapism because you had to remain professional and throw away your whimsy. I'm CONVINCED Peri is NOT the only fairy to be annoying about "da rules". I'm actually pretty sure that's the NORM because of how all the fairies reacted to Cosmo and Wanda with Timmy.

Going into fairy godparenting, knowing that you could come out with either outcome, is self harm to me, (SH is doing anything that you KNOW will hurt you physically or emotionally, it can be any number of things! JS this here because people have a VERY narrow view about what counts as SH!) and really makes me overthink about like...

Fairy mental health? How does fairy therapy look like for these situations? I kind of envision it similar to ppl IRL who work with abused kids need therapy, yet they keep going. They keep moving on and helping kids (or doing their best to).

⭐️All this to say my idea for Peri and Dev:

I would love for Peri to learn from his situation with Dev and why it didn't work. I know ppl want them to get back together asap, but tbh I think a slow burn would work best, for Peri's mental health. I think Peri should shadow his parents and Hazel for a bit, and learn/see how they do things, including how they interact with kids. I think Peri needs some self reflection first.

My idea is this:

Peri shadows his parents for awhile and does some self reflection. While he shadows his parents, he watches Dev from afar. Not like, intently like some ppl HC, just in passing. Like Dev will interact with Hazel and Peri will make passing remarks like "he's a good kid", (if him and Hazel are getting along) or "oh, Dev.." (if he does smth rude to Hazel)

Eventually, smth happens to Dev that finally seals it for Peri, he has already been meditating on everything for awhile, but whatever happens to Dev is the final straw. (I wonder what happens??) And he gets permission to be Devs godparent again and then bursts in to save Dev!

(this would all happen maybe thruout the whole season, and this event would happen at the ending of S2? Ik ppl would be impatient for that, but!! I think it would work best AND be a rlly satisfying season conclusion!!) and a rlly good start for S3 (iiiif we got all that lmao, I'm being VERY hopeful that we get at least 3-4 seasons! which I shouldn't when S2 is still up in the air lol. oh well. I can dream.)

Uuuh. Yeah. IDk just some thoughts I've had. Sorry this was so long. If you read it then wow! I'm shocked haha. 💖 (bonus points if u read the tags hahaha)

goodnight. 💖💖

[mrblazeflappybird]

I have noone to talk to about this new Helluva Boss episode so you're getting subjected to my ranting

(I'm going to be talking about the end scene with Blitz and Stolas - loved the whole episode though, not my fave but definitely not my least favourite by any means)

STOLAS. MY GOD. YOU SHOULD NOT BE RELATABLE AND BECAUSE OF YOU I SHALL BE GETTING PROFESSIONAL HELP ASAP.

I completely and utterly believe that both Stolas and Blitz need to get a reality check. But whilst I am certain Blitz will in the series (probably multiple times over) I'm worried Stolas won't. The most he might probably get is him getting told by Octavia that "You don't love me, you love him".

Stolas. Needs. A. Reality. Check.

I get that (as a character) his response to everything is trauma based just like Blitz. But the way he's acting is kinda like... you aren't perfect. You are messing this up just as much as Blitz is, possibly more so.

The way he and I are similar is the fact that we both do things so heavily based through our immediate feelings that we just don't take time to think about stuff, especially not in the moment. To the point that we are blind to the damage it causes.

The relationship started as a purely "no feelings" deal. Regardless of them both catching them, that was THE RULE that they both followed most the time. Obviously until they didn't. And whilst its painful and the reasons Blitz didn't do anything is because of self hatred and therapy-needing reasons most likely, he still kept to that rule.

Stolas immediately was like "Nah, I'm changing everything right now."

Yes, yes, please, if you aren't happy and know ultimately this relationship is hurting more than bringing happiness, end it. But he can't just expect Blitz to immediately understand what's going on and what to say. Its such a huge backhand that's so unexpected by Blitz that ofc he's gonna be confused and think its something its not.

But like.... Stolas just didn't listen to Blitz, didn't really let him make sense of everything, and when Blitz jumped to the (unfortunately) logical conclusion in his brain - which is both trauma AND because of this relationship's nature - Stolas was just done.

And like... I get it?? Because that's me. Bruh. Will be and have been changing my behaviour in the future. I'm aware of my flaws and thank you to my wonderful girlfriend for giving me my reality check. Very glad that I managed to listen to her... UNLIKE A SPECIFIC DEMON.

I understand that the yelling and the slamming doors down the corridor complaining about how shitty you are reminds you of your abusive ex wife, and honestly whilst you should have listened to him in an ideal world, getting yourself out of a situation you can't handle is understandable and valid. BUT - and this is important - YOU NEED TO LET HIM HAVE SOME TIME TO PROCESS. AND LET HIM TALK.

Blitz was justified in yelling in my opinion. Stolas was also justified in teleporting him away because he yelled in my opinion too. But they both need serious reality checks.

I just don't think Stolas is ever thought to be in the wrong with any of this. He should have listened and not be so impulsive with his actions. He never really thought of the reality behind it (seemingly) and was so certain that because *his* emotions and feelings change and adapt quickly along with his, like, reality and wants and needs(???), it doesn't mean Blitz's will too.

Anyway sorry for the rant lmaooooo. Was not expecting Fizz in that episode I love that little robot imp man favourite character yayyy

[lazyassryan]

Spoilers for Zexal!!

It’s just me ranting about the WDC arc, mainly the coasters.

Holy shit omg

Ep. 60 made me cry, and I haven’t cried in fucking months, I sounded so bbaaddd!!!

But look at my Caswell!!! He’s so him, no words. Perfect.

And don’t get me STARTED on the coasters.

Nistro needs to be Yuma’s big brother ASAP!!! Dextra needs therapy, and they did NOT need to go that hard on the Quattro vs Shark duel. LIKE LOOK AT THIS!!!

REGINALD IS SO BEAUTIFUL YET IT SHOWS HOW STRESSED HE IS AND WHAT HE’S FEELING, IT’S LIKE HE’S DROWNING!!

I’m so hyped for the semi-finals, I know Vetrix gonna pull some shit because he always does and he down right did Shark DIRTY. So.

In conclusion, watch Zexal. 💖💖

[trashlie]

it's good to see you around again, I missed reading your long ILY posts, hope you're doing better too :) if you ever share your thoughts on the latest couple of episodes (including fp) here, I'd be super excited to read them! I'm really curious how you think the timeline is gonna go from here - especially relating to Shin-Ae and Nolan since it feels like they are the last pieces that need to fall into place so everything is ready for the post-timeskip story to go down. like you, I was so sure Nol and Shin-Ae were going to have some kind of reconciliation before he goes to jail but WELP rip 3 day extension. Poor guy though, Yui showing up in his hospital room must have been extremely triggering, it made sense that he did everything to get outta there ASAP. It's worrying me that this series of negative interactions (Kousuke, Alyssa, Yui) could've undone everything positive Shin-Ae Dieter Soushi Nana did, and now therapy during jail time could either have a positive or negative effect, so Nol is a Schroedinger's cat for now.... At least some things got cleared up and Shin-Ae is now starting to understand the root of the problem (= Yui) (and it actually really makes sense that she had to figure it out herself instead of Nol telling her - the boy obviously isn't ready to talk) so we made some progress.... But istg with this upcoming separation arc 2.0 it feels so much like we're gonna be back at ground zero after the first time skip. Fingers crossed they reconcile in whatever way before the big time skip though. we need a somewhat positive conclusion to this arc before season 1 ends, because if not then what was all this build up for, and why now? What about the realizations? the "convince me"? What about "if you won't let me have you"? If their reconciliation is only going to happen after multiple years of "conflict" between them that would be so cruel....

AND SHIN-AE STILL HASN'T GOTTEN HER BANDANA BACK and now he's stealing her lines too SDGDADSF;SDF

Waaaahhhhh thank you, friend!!! As you can probably tell, I'm still trying to get myself back here fully and figure out how to balance everything, which has always been a struggle ;~; I really may resort to telling my friends to ignore me and yell at me until I get certain posts written up so I'll stop procrastinating because there are SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO WRITE ABOUT EPISODES I WANT TO RECAP AND TALK ABOUT!!!! BUT THE ORGANIZING MYSELF!!!! IS THE PART THAT'S SO DIFFICULT!!!!!!!!

One of the great things about the ILY discord server is that we have this very constant, active conversation going on at all times so it's SO easy to be very present and active, but I also find that it means it's more difficult for me to regulate myself, or I'll have that feeling that I JUST talked about something and so when I try to write about it over here, it feels like a hollow echo and I know that's just because I was just having the conversation so that's just something I need to work on dealing with lol

But I want to answer this before we move so far away from when you asked this!!!!! As expected, there are FP spoilers ahead for eps 246 through 249!!!!!

I!!!! DO NOT KNOW!!!!!!! LMAO Like. GOD. I feel like quimchee has thrown us curveball after curveball and when we sit down and think about how long this period of December 21 and the post December 21 arc has been, how much the story has weaved around?! There are so many things that have occurred that I NEVER expected and, like you, it's just everything I thought has clearly gone out the window. Part of it, I think, is the result of quimchee having to change the arrangement of her story, and god I would love to pick her brain about the things that changed, since Nol's injury was supposed to happen at the formal itself, we never would have had this extended period of hospital time, and it seems like everything about Nol and Shinae coming to realization with their feelings would have played out in a wholly different way than what we ended up getting, so on some level I think this is partly that quimchee, too, is sort of throwing herself cureveballs in that there are things she knows needs to happen and she isn't sure where or how to fit the other elements in? But that's just my guess.

On the one hand, I do feel very "WHAT WAS THE EXTENSION FOR IF NOT FOR RECONCILIATION?!" but beyond Stalkyoo, we have gotten a LOT of good stuff out of this period of time. We see Kousuke facing his cognitive dissonance for, perhaps, the first time, and the revelation that Yui has been drugging him (and likely for a long time, given the way Hansuke describe the dosage Kousuke had and that it merely knocked him out), and more than that, making those connections between Nol and Yui and tea, and wanting to face him. I'm STILL proud of him for wanting to go back and see Nol again, even after he couldn't face him, even after Hansuke found him on the floor of a public bathroom hugging a toilet from the remorse and guilt and perhaps shame of the realization of the ways he has hurt people - has hurt Nol! - who didn't deserve it. We have seen that Rand and Yujing are, in fact, working on something behind the scenes, that Rand is facing Yui as a real adversary now, not just someone who has been resigned to endure her for so many years now, but to actually fight against her. The entirety of Nol's birthday celebration could not have happened the way it did had he not been in the hospital, since he would have had to turn himself in, and while maybe the original plan was that they celebrated his birthday with Minhyuk's coming home party, I'm.... not sure if that would have been the case?

But at at any rate, I do acknowledge that despite the fact that it feels like Nol might be back at square one, that he and Shinae are back where they started in 151, such significant events HAVE taken place that I think will still affect the narrative future of ILY. I still feel strongly that part of Nol's trajectory is coming to terms with the fact that he does, indeed, belong here. That he isn't someone who wasn't meant to be, that he doesn't belong here. He belongs, and he deserves love. He is someone, not nothing. I still think one of his greater arcs will involve coming to embrace this, and while the negative events - Kousuke, Alyssa, Yui - feel like they could be setting him back, he is now equipped with knowledge and feelings he wasn't before. It can't hurt him the same. In fact, I think part of why his confrontation with Alyssa went the way it did was because he had had this experience with Shinae, Dieter, and Soushi, it illuminated everything that was so wrong with his relationship with Alyssa, how neither of them really know each other. It's that sense of foiling that allows him to put his foot down and say enough is enough. Even before it was revealed that Alyssa had come with Yui, it was clear that Nol was over the visit. Don't get me wrong - I understand why he couldn't see that Alyssa clearly was not well, that she was uncomfortable, that she had come to him with no one else to go to, much as he'd gone to Kousuke in the past when he lost his mom, and I also understand why he did the same thing Kousuke did and turned her away. But the point I'm getting at is, it feels like there was a shift. That birthday celebration illuminated something for Nol.

So it's kind of like, while it feels like this might have undone the progress Nol made, it can't undone the revelations he's had, and in that same way, it cannot cast shadow on his enlightenment. He is not the same Nol he was a week ago. Too much has changed, he's become aware of too much, and as such, he is going to respond differently to what comes his way, and while he may continue to try what he had originally intended, I think the difference is that he's now been made aware of things that impact the choices he makes.

But largely I don't really know what I expect just yet. I think it's very pointed that the lawyer reminded Shinae that she has his phone number; I don't think that would be called out if it wasn't going to be important in some way, but in terms of how are we going from here to there? Unsure lol. I think there HAS to be a resolution of some kind, whether it's a reconciliation or not, because Shinae is on this momentum swing that isn't going to stop until she crashes into something or she comes into a force of nature that stops her. Nothing, no one, has been able to reach her or get through to her, and I know it's just because of how much she's hurting, but she's lashing out at people and hurting THEM like a street cat swiping at people trying to help her. She's so terrified of losing Nol, especially now that he came back, especially now that she gave him the option to leave and he didn't and it rekindled that hope she gave him an opening to leave when it would have been easier and he didn't which just made it worse, because so much more was at stake. She can't stop fighting she can't stop trying because she cannot bear what it means to lose him for real this time, not when she finally had him back, not when that realization has come to her even if she won't admit it. She needs him, so what's going to make her give up?

Something has to transpire, whether it's a reconciliation or Nol pushing her away and really shattering her heart or something awful like that, to bring her to a halt, because I can't imagine how we would move into our mini time skip to spring/graduation with Shinae like this, right? So I think there must be some kind of resolution. My foolish, hopeless self wants so badly to hope for reconciliation but esp after 249 I am SO torn. I have two thoughts.

a. they reconcile. She can reach him, and convince him, and even though he is so afraid, he is also someone who folds in front of her, he struggles to resist her. He told her to convince him and boy she can convince him and even though he tells himself he isn't sure if these feelings are real because what if it's just because she's NICE to him I think hearing her confess her feelings would tell him how he feels and give him the answer.

b. But the alternative feels like a parallel to Nessa and Rand, because Nessa, too, was hurt over and over by someone who kept getting her hopes up and getting hurt by him. Shinae gave Nol the opportunity to leave and he didn't, he stayed and doing so sparked her hope, made her feel things, they shared these tender, intimate moments together and forced that realization to come to mind, but for him to push her away again, for her safety, to make choices on her behalf even though she's told him she hates that and she doesn't want him to. Imagine her pulling a Nessa and calling him scum lfkjajkfkjfjkfaj ;A;!!!!! Imagine her so angry and hurt and resentful and saying awful things she doesn't mean and GOD I feel like it can go only one of these ways because what ELSE is going to stop her in her tracks?!

And I really want a reconciliation because parting like this sets them up for SO. MUCH. STRIFE. Because we know one way or another Shinae is going to end up taking Yui's offer and if Nol leaves on these terms, he would end up thinking she's following in Alyssa's footsteps doing so, not understanding WHY she's doing, not understanding that this is Shinae's only way of protecting herself, learning to speak Yui's language and play her game.

and idk I know I'm a hopeful optimist reading a webtoon that proves to me over and over that I cannot be a hopeful optimist but LMAO GOD I WANT SHINAE TO CONVINCE THAT DUMBO

I've said it before that convincing him doesn't mean they have to get into a relationship. Just. Reconcile. She's so afraid of LOSING HIM, thinking that once he slips away he's out of her grasp, her sight, for good, that she will lose the best thing that happened to her and I WANT THAT RECONCILATION. I want her to convince him, for both their sakes. So that he knows he has someone he can go back to. So that she knows he's not just throwing her away. So that she doesn't have to fear losing something so precious and important.

Am I foolish and hopeful for hoping for that outcome? Maybe, but it won't stop me LMAO because as delicious and angsty as Shinae and Nol following in Ressa's footsteps with Nol hurting her again and leaving her so hurt and angry is, I want to see them on that same page. I want to see Shinae convince him - convince him why he is so important to her, and that his feelings are real. That's the thing, right, like.... you can tell yourself that your feelings aren't real, but if the person you like confesses to you, your heart will inevitably betray you and respond to the confession. Nol fears for Shinae's safety but important puzzle pieces are falling into place. She has figured what he fears the most - and if she thinks hard enough she'll realize how she can use that to her "advantage", in that Rand has told her Yui will never let her go, that it doesn't matter if Nol leaves or not. It goes back to my oft repeated sentiment of them needing to be on the same page, to be a team, because his absence will not protect her. And between what Rand told her, plus her anecdotes about Kousuke's birthday and how Yui treated her even before the formal, and what Yujing told Nol about Kousuke being drugged by Yui, maybe, just MAYBE that conclusion that wasn't only him all along will finally hit him. I know he can't change over night, that he has so many deeply ingrained fears that won't be easily assuaged, but I have to hope that a confession from Shinae can convince him that the alternative is worse. Convince him to fight along side her ;A;

I go back and forth on this thought but I think this is strongly what I feel right now. That reconciliation could still be around the corner, even if it's just an admission and a promise to not push her away. Shinae is tired of people acting on her behalf, tired of not getting a say, and especially in something that involves her heart, her feelings?

Go fight girl and maybe bite him if that's what it takes ;A;

STEALING HER BANDANA. HER LINES. HERT HEART. THIS MAN DESERVES TO BE LOCKED AWAY

ALFJLFJLFKJLAFKJLKFJALKFJ

[echoarts03]

Losing My Cat

February 25th I lost my 9-10 year old male Tuxedo cat to natural means.

This post is mostly just a way for me to vent, so if you guys don't care or just don't wanna read it, that's fine. It's kinda lengthy, and I understand.

Trigger Warnings:

Anger towards God

Death of a Pet

Detailed emotional descriptions

My cat passed away on the 25th and I don't know if I can keep doing college. I mean I have to, but it feels so much less rewarding when I know one of my cats isn't gonna be there when I go home on the occasional weekend or during breaks.

This cat was pretty much an emotional support pet but without the papers, y'know? I even considered getting him legally documented so I could take him places because I'm just such an emotional wreck in public, but I guess I can't do that now, lol.

He was completely healthy and only 9 or 10 years old. It was the suddenness of it all that hurts the most. He just went to sleep and didn't wake up. I'm grateful it was peaceful since we have always had to put our pets down, but it was an awful feeling to walk into the house and find out he was gone.

That Morning

My mom called me at 8 am on Saturday and told me I had to come home. She was sending my ex to come pick me up since we're still really good friends, and he said he would happily help us if we needed it.

She didn't tell me what was wrong because she didn't want me to be hysterical on the drive back, but she said I needed to come home ASAP.

I arrived home at around 8:45 - 9 am.

The moment I stepped into the house, my mom told me to take off my shoes, jacket, backpack, hat, and ETC and get comfortable. I knew something was wrong at that point.

The moment she told me was probably the most heartwrenching feeling I have felt in a long time. My knees buckled, and I couldn't breathe. My mom had to hold onto me because I was hysterical.

I got to sit with him for an hour or two, just praying over him and giving my final goodbyes before we took him to the local Animal Hospital.

Anger towards God

It felt like God was betraying me now that he knew I was getting somewhere in therapy. I was finally, slowly becoming happier with my life, and accepting my sexuality and my place in my family.

It was moments like those that really make me question what the fuck have I done wrong to make God do this to me.

Conclusion

I don't wish this upon even my worst enemy, I don't wish this upon anyone. That drive to the Animal Hospital was probably the longest yet fastest drive I have ever had to sit through, and the rest of the day was just plain exhausting. Even after 13 hours of sleep, I was exhausted all day Sunday.

I never thought that the last time I said bye to him would really have been the last time.

Hold your pets close, guys. You never know when goodbye may be your last one.

I'm sorry, my baby boy. I'm so sorry.

Mommy loves you. ❤️

[local-extraterrestrial]

This this this THIS.

I see everything you're saying, but I'm particularly caught up on his leg. I wrote a whole-ass analysis on this at some point but I've lost it somewhere in the depths of my notes. Alas. Either way: I refuse to believe this man would ever be able to walk properly, let alone this soon.

In the impact frame of his leg breaking we can clearly see that this is not just a complete breakage of both his tibia and fibula (bones in the lower leg, connecting the knee to the ankle), but also likely a compound fracture.

[A compound fracture (also known as an “open fracture”) is a bone fracture that is accompanied by breaks in the skin, causing the broken ends of bone to come into contact with the outside environment.]

While we don't see either of the bones strictly sticking out of his leg (which I like to joke is because they would've had to add a gore warning if they did that), we do see the bones pushing at the muscle and skin of his calf, definitely causing a degree of muscle damage that would take a long time to heal. Another thing that points me in the direction of a compound fracture is the fact we later see he has an open wound on roughly the spot where the bone would've pieced the skin. But that is just guess work.

And even then, we see he has to manually realign the bones. Which, in case you don't know, is something you should never do with a complete or compound fracture. But he doesn't exactly have a choice, does he? This kind of fracture requires surgery and literal metal rods and plates to align and stabilise the bone. And this is two of them. (Also one thing that haunts my nightmares is the fact that to set a fracture that bad without any sort of surgery, he likely would've had to pull the bones apart before pushing them back together. Geez, my own leg hurts just thinking about it.)

Meaning, the bones are definitely misaligned and would under no circumstances heal right.

And to make matters worse, the impact frame also shows us that the bones also splintered upon impact, likely made even worse by him having to so indelicately realign the bone. Which not only means that the pieces missing would've made the recovery process even longer, but that those splinters are likely still in his leg. As in, in there. In the muscle. Shrapnel-style. Making every single movement of the muscles EXCRUCIATING. That's literally a bunch of small knives in his muscles. Horrible. And that might have contributed to the infection we see developing. His muscles and tendons are no doubt fucked to hell and back.

Add to all that the fact that, due to the placement and cause of the break, this might've also messed up his knee, likely a displacement of the patella (kneecap). Messed up shit, really.

In conclusion, Jayce Talis shouldn't have been able to walk with any semblance of a normal gait, even with the brace. This man needs a doctor ASAP. And physical therapy.

Also on the note of PTSD, the incident with the blizzard definitely caused a lot of trauma. I like to think that cold temperatures tend to trigger him so he really doesn't like winter.

And my personal headcanon is that the whole Arcane glitching thing leaves him with migrane-like symptoms and a general sensitivity to magic and shit like that.

Overall, OP your brain is magnificent. Hope you get all the writing and/or art inspiration you ever wish for.

Smth smth i need more fics/discussion about disabled Jayce. I'm high on the disabled jayce cocain, im sorry

I know this man had diarrhea for days because he was eating fucking radioactive salamanders (that I don't think he even cooked properly) and drinking unclean water. His guts are fucked. He must've drastically lost weight, as well as having hair loss and early grey hair. He has ptsd. Smell of a raw meat OR rot just sends him into panic. NOT TO MENTION THAT HE ALREADY MOST SURELY HAD PTSD FOR NEARLY DYING IN A BLIZZARD AND THINKING THAT HIS MOM DIED SO I BET HE ALSO HAS A SEASONAL DEPRESSION. Light sensitivity... Twiches... Chronic pain....

And imagine Viktor WHO LITERALLY KNOWS WHAT IT'S LIKE TO SUDDENLY FIND YOURSELF IN THE MIDDLE OF A RAPID HEALTH DECLINE trying to just... be there. Tell him what he himself needed to hear all these years. Helps him to adjust to a new reality of not being able... well generally not being able bodied anymore

I want to explode them both.

[ifwallscouldtalk-atz]

oh god, i was reflecting on a character of a series i just watched and my conclusion was "i don't know why they paint him as a problematic guy, he didn't do anything wrong" but right after i remembered, he did everything right EXCEPT that he kidnapped his crush and threaten him to like him back or else he wouldn't let him go.

[saintobio]

NOW THATS HOW YOU CLEAR A BITCH!!!

Can we please get a round of applause for mc in the chapter because she’s finally tired of the bullshit and so am I! Of course Gojo would not bring up the conversation that he said would happen why would Gojo talk about his feelings like an actual adult? Because he’s a child, next case!

He got bodyguards? BODYGUARDS??? IS HE DUMB??!?! Snooping around mc’s phone?? IS HE MENTAL??? He’s doing all of this and for what? It’s not helping him at all he has to know that. Pls tell me he knows that he’s still going about it the wrong way like no gojo, having your wife stalked and followed is not going to make her fall for you again. THINK GOJO, THINK!!!

@ gojo step mom:

Listen, there’s something about a man that like, idk would literally kill for mc makes my coochie go purr. I still don’t ship them but seeing him just being effortlessly devoted to the mc is just *chef kiss* especially in contrast to gojo who is struggling to even connect with his wife! But still, kinda sucks Toji knows about the step mom and fuckboyoa little plan they going on but hey, it is what it is. They’re rich, they’ll move on.

But anyways, Toji if you’re ever free and need someone to keep your lap warm I’m always available

It’s still loving how the mc isn’t holding back. I know it still hurts her in the long run that’s why I really wish she was in therapy. She’s carrying to much of this burden called a marriage and she has no one really to talk too and even if she think she does it still ends up in her getting hurt. She needs someone to talk too soon because I honestly think it won’t be the heart that kills her if her mind doesn’t get to her first. When she couldn’t look at her own reflection, my eyes got a little misty ngl that one really hurt because no one should feel that look about themselves. Especially from someone who’s suppose to love you.



What I fear that comes next: the mc next move. I’m sure the mc coming to that conclusion really sealed the deal on where she stands and what to do next. She knows that she has to leave, she can’t stay in this marriage, her heart and mind literally can’t take it but she’s not going to about it the right way. I feel like she might just disappear for awhile and I mean disappear with the help of maybe Toji. Private island maybe? Either way, I don’t think gojo is going to be seeing his wife at home.

What I also fear: the mc father and sister finding out everything. From the cheating, to the mental abuse(gojo did that and I stand by it) to the possible baby and now a heart disease, the same one that took his wife. Ouch! Shit can and will hit the fan. Their going to pull that merger ASAP, her dad might even sue(idk how they do it over there, they’re rich!) the sister is for sure black listed all parties involved and if they can’t be black listed then every time they go into a room they will that everyone is talking about them. (I heard socially outcasting the rich hurts more that losing money) gojo dad will definitely beat his ass for sure and s*ra, your days are numbered besties💗✨

Anyways, amazing writing and I can’t wait to see see shit hit the fan in the next chapter!

PLSSS this made my day!! those are good theories too. thank you for sending this <33 i’m happy to know that you enjoyed the last chapter :’)

[class-cryptid]

After the most recent Eggpire stream I came to two (2) conclusions:

1.

I’m so worried for Puffy, we need our only therapist! Also apparently it has been decided by BBH that Tommy has had wonderful parental figures for over a week now and that is just unacceptable. Captain Puffy and Sam better kick some ass!

2.

Hell yeah you go Purpled! Get that payday! You don’t appear to have any moral qualms with assassinating someone, but I think you’re pretty cool. I do think it’s pretty funny that the majority of us went: “DON’T YOU DARE HURT THEM- *gasp* the last minor! And he’s an assassin! POG!”

I have to admit that for some reason my first thought was a combination of “how long will it take for this minor to gather a collection of parental figures” and “Puffy needs to hurry up and drag Bad to therapy ASAP.”

[w-healer0]

⚠️!Spoilers for Eclipse Lake!⚠️

.

I'm worried for Hunter, like its obvious that this whole 'Golden Guard' and 'Belo's right hand man' titles, are taking a tole on his mental health/stability, he doesn't want to disappoint anyone, so he tries to be perfect in everything. Like when he basically betrayed Amity and went to go to eclipse lake 'first'. Or when he was searching for the key, he just had a full on mental breakdown. In conclusion, my boy needs therapy and love ASAP.

[braincoins]

About Me: Cancer Edition

I’ve gained some followers and not everyone knows the whole story. If nothing else, this will be an easy-to-link-to summary to catch old friends up to speed. There’s no need to read this if you’d rather skip it; I won’t hold it against you. I’d rather skip it, too, but I’m the one with the cancer, so I don’t have the option.

It first showed up in late 2013, and it was pretty apparent immediately what it was. The dermatologist I went to in January of 2014 knew it as soon as he looked at it. He sent my biopsy results and information over to the University of Michigan because they’re one of the leaders in melanoma treatment.

Melanoma, if you don’t know, is the worst kind of skin cancer. My melanoma is a particular kind called “nodular melanoma”: instead of spreading out along the skin, it goes vertical, which means it not only raises up from the skin, it goes deep down into it as well. Nodular melanoma is the worst kind of melanoma (thus making it the worst kind of the worst kind of skin cancer). But if mine hadn’t been nodular, we might not have known it was there. Y’see, I had a mole growing on the back of my head, in my hair. I kept whackin’ it with my hairbrush. That’s how I knew it was there, and growing quickly. I couldn’t see it without mirror assistance.

A couple of surgeries followed: to get the rest of the “initial site” cleared (the dermatologist had known this was the sort of thing that would follow and deliberately didn’t take as much off as he could have, because taking more would have required a longer healing time before I could be treated and he wanted me treated ASAP), to test the local “sentinel” lymph nodes, then to clear out all the lymph nodes on the left side of my neck, because the cancer had already spread to there.

After that, we discussed options and decided to wait and watch. It meant scans twice a year at U of M (we lived all the way across the state, near Lake Michigan), but that wasn’t so bad. And so, for almost exactly five years, that’s what we did. And every time, the news was good. No Evidence of Disease (NED).

In February of 2019, my scans turned up something on my liver. We did a biopsy and, sure enough, The Cancer Was Back. Not only that, it had progressed to be farther away from its initial site (the back of my head). I had already been diagnosed at Stage IIIC before; now I was Stage IV.

Stages I, II, and III break down into As, Bs, and Cs (so you could be Stage IA, IB, IC; Stage IIA, IIB, IIC, etc.,or whatever, depending on the criteria). Stage IV is just Stage IV; it doesn’t break down into letters. There is no stage after IV.

I was - and am - officially at the worst stage of the worst kind of the worst kind of skin cancer. The cancer was on my liver, in a couple different spots, and on my spleen.

But I wasn’t worried, because I kept up with things and I knew about a great immunotherapy treatment for melanoma that was a combination of two drugs. And that was, indeed, what my oncologist at U of M wanted to start me on. I’d need to have treatments once a month. It would be the combo of both drugs at first, and then I’d move to just one of them.

We moved to Ann Arbor (where U of M is at), and I started the combo. Side effects weren’t bad in the short term, but I developed adrenal insufficiency during the course of the combo treatment. That complicated matters a bit, but I went to just the one drug and my side effects eased. We began to talk about surgery to cut out the liver tumors. The liver surgeon asked for an MRI instead of the usual CT I would have gotten.

The MRI showed a lot more liver spots. As well as an increase in the size of the spots we already knew about. Y’see, some of the tumors were so little that they just hadn’t shown up on the CT yet. The MRI is a more precise (and expensive) scan, and it caught the ones too small to show up on the CT.

My oncologist basically said he didn’t have anything else for me. Immunotherapy is the big dog in the melanoma world, and I had progressed (gotten worse) while on it. He suggested I go to this place called START where they do clinical trials and studies of new and upcoming drugs. It’s not in Ann Arbor though, it’s over in Grand Rapids.

So we moved to Grand Rapids.

I’ve been through one clinical trial but I progressed while on that, so I was taken off of it. We’ve run into the same problem here that we had in A2, really: most of the studies for melanoma are immunotherapy-based. It’s hard to find something that isn’t.

In the meantime, my liver is being literally replaced with cancer. My entire left lobe and a good portion of the right is just tumor now. My oncologist at START recommended me to an interventional radiologist who is going to pump my liver full of Yttrium 90 (Y90), which is a radioactive isotope that is administered via little beads so tiny that they’re 1/3rd the size of a human hair. This targets only the cancer and, over the course of months, should help shrink the tumor(s).

It’s a treatment, not a cure. But it will hopefully buy me time for START to find something that could cure me, or at least work better than the last study did for me. At some point, my spleen may be removed entirely, but that’s not a vital organ. The liver is the big concern.

I also have some melanoma on my scalp (and a spot in my freaking ear), but those are potentially useful for future studies. Anything I take for the cancer at this point - other than the Y90 which is specifically and only ever for the liver - has to be systemic: it has to fight the cancer EVERYWHERE. So if my little scalp spots start to shrink, that means the treatment is working. And it’s a lot easier to biopsy a bump on my scalp than it is my liver or spleen.

WHEW! That’s a lot, and it really is the quick version. I have times when it seems hopeless but I’m doing pretty good at staying positive, overall. Still, I’ve come to the conclusion that liver cancer is how I’m going to die (unless I get struck by lightning or hit by a bus or something random like that). It’s just a question of when. That’s what I’m fighting for: time.

Fingers crossed for another good, non-immunotherapy clinical trial to crop up that’ll take me. In the meantime, I just work on living my life. I’m still pretty good, all things considered; I can still do most of what I want to do, but I wear out quickly. I’ve got physical therapy to help me work on my stamina and strength. I haven’t given up. It’s way too soon for that.

[randomblogofafangirl]

About the final scene of ep 10, there is something I notice, and I want to talk about that.

You could see on their faces the emotions when the car approached them.

Seojun didn't want to die, but Suho? He did. It was like at that moment, after so many things he went through, he just wanted to give up on his life.

After the death of his friend and the witness of his father's infidelity, he was emotionally broken. The scene where he had a panic attack in ep 5 explained my point here.

He did blame his father, but he blamed himself the most. He thought that he didn’t deserve to be happy after all, he hesitated about whether or not he should confess to Jugyeong and isolated himself (you could notice that Seojun still had a group of friends who, even though are annoying sometimes, support him with their whole hearts, but Suho didn't).

Speaking of this, I would like to mention what the teacher told the class in ep 2:

“Having a friend is like having a second life, I hope you kids will have many lives”

Suho lost his two lives, one was when Seyeon died, the other was when Seojun ended their friendship. His own life, however, is suffocating. He really lived like a ghost after all that happened.

In conclusion: HE NEEDS THERAPY ASAP. PLEASE GIVE HIM ONE. THANK YOU.

[elmaxlys]

*siips tea* U love ADAM, but if u had to choose between Rika or ADAM, which one would u choose homie? Homie-- Homie don't avoid the question--!

I think it depends what the criterion is

who I like better as a potential love interest

who I like better as a character

the general place they have in my heart

The answer to both is please don't make me choose.

And now, let's analyze <33

(readmore because it got super long and maybe a tad too personal)

(warning for unkind words toward Yuuka, yes he gets in the equation somehow, it's okay if you don't read, but if you want to skip just that part, it's FIRST CASE, number 8)

FIRST CASE: As a love interest

1) Rika would make the better husband because he can cook, does the laundry, is good with kids. He's super smart and wants to study law. He'd then have a good job. He has a loving family.

2) ADAM is super rich and comes with a bunch of servants so that takes care of the cooking and laundry. Still, he's a politician that lives in the public eye. That's not ideal to me. His family is absolute shit (which makes us a common point I guess)

3) Rika's criterion for falling in love is undetermined. We know he loves big boobs (i'm at a big disadvantage here) but that's just lust isn't it? He has no love interest. Screams aro (like me yay!)

4) ADAM's criteria are firstly good at sports and secondly completely reckless and ready (and able) to follow him to the end of the world. I suck at sports and I am the biggest coward you'll see. Once I tried to stand on a skateboard. I fell. I never touched one ever again. I'm envious of people who can do sports like that. Anyway ADAM wouldn't have the slightest interest in me

5) Rika also likes sport but whether he likes to do them or watch them is unclear. He knows the rules to baseball and kendo and was able to implement the moves when in a pinch which leads me to thinking he does play them. But in the flashbacks it seems he's watching the TV with Yuri. I do like to watch sports on TV.

6) Rika is a huge nerd. Big same.

7) ADAM is (very implied to be) catholic (or at least christian). Big same.

8) Rika has deep deep abandonment issues (and more recent traumas on top of that). He'd never betray me, never leave me behind. 100% needs therapy and to be honest with his brother for one (1) second. I also have older sibling issues but my advice to him would be fucking kill him i guess which wouldn't be good especially since he does, in fact, love his brother a lot. I honestly couldn't stand having Yuuka as a brother in law.

9) ADAM's issues are too many to be counted. Needs to get away from his home asap and extensive therapy and so on and so forth if he learns what his aunts did to him is not love he will Crumble down. I can wait for the aunts to kick it before marrying probably

10) ADAM comes with a doggy 🥰

11) ADAM is queer, I like that in a man

12) ADAM is hot af. I'm aroace but 100% would smash

13) Rika is baby faced (same) which is cute but not really my type

14) both are very polite

15) from the various bonus infos we got, ADAM's dating style is intense. I think it'd be too much for me.

16) Both their fav foods (Rika's is ice cream and ADAM's is lava cake) match with my preferences, too :v

Conclusion: I'm aroace and don't want to marry in the first place I think if ADAM did want me around despite lack of a single athletic bone in my body and disapproval from his aunts, I'd marry him. I like not having to do chores and being rich and I think I could enjoy having a piping hot husband that very obviously loves me.

SECOND CASE: as a character

Talk about an impossible choice..

Both are quite well written if you ask me. Like ADAM no cap, masterpiece of a character. But Rika too. Their stories hold. The way they are has an explanation, they are quite consistant.

What differentiates them is their role in the story.

ADAM is a (if not the) main character. Rika frankly denies being one.

And indeed. Rarely does he have the opportunity to act by himself and for himself. Not that he wants to all that much, either. Rika breathes for the actual protagonist, Yuri. He is conscious of that. Even for the deuteragonist, he's merely a forgotten memory and a goal. He's a side note. Yes he is indispensable to the story but quite frankly, his actions are minimal. Damsel in distress, as we like to call him. He's the root of it all, none of the main characters would be there if it hadn't been for him (except Kuon, he has absolutely zero impact on her, it's amazing. but Yuuka does impact her and Yuuka is there because of Rika). To his team, he's the hero, the one that does the saving, but he remains inextricably linked to his role for both Yuri and Yuuka (see the Floor 8 fight)

ADAM plays a similar role that is also completely different. He's both the damsel in distress (the cause of it all, he's the one that needs saving) and the antagonist (he built his own dungeon, he's the final boss, he's the one constantly opposing the "heroes", Miya repeatedly compares him to one). I don't have the brains to write an ADAM meta to be honest, even a minimal one, but there are very good ones out there. ADAM's character is absolute gold.

I think they're both masterfully written and extremely interesting and I genuinely couldn't choose.

THIRD CASE: place in my heart

Rika.

I mean, no. But also yes? I've been in love with Rika since I was idk 15? I think? When did Tenkuu Shinpan start being serialized, again? And as much as ADAM makes my heart go wild, Rika has been there almost as long as Donato was (crazy, right?).

I have tons of ADAM merch. Would buy more if I could. But there is also an absolute void of Rika merch so I think that can't be a criterion..

I definitely would kiss and smash ADAM but Rika is more like. A constant in my life. ADAM is hot and passionate, Rika is cold and thoughtful. They're both really strong. The love I have for both is similar to the way they are. I see ADAM and my heart jumps, I am all smiles, I want to scream my love from the top of my lungs, I want to protect him from all harm. I see Rika and I go overthinking mode and analyzing his every word, I admire how cool (and cute) he is, and if he does make me go crazy, my heart buzzes steadily in my chest, but the hurt he goes through, while gutwrenching if you think about it 2 seconds, is just interesting and I can't look away the way I do ADAM. With ADAM I can't see him get hurt. I just can't. Makes me sick to my stomach and cry all the tears in my body. I fucking hate ep11. And the flashbacks, you know the ones. With Rika, on the contrary, I can't get enough. Yes. Hurt my man once more. See how well he hangs on this time again. Do it, I'm watching. My blood freezes but my eyes are glued and my smile maybe a little disturbing.

Also like 12 episodes aired last year, as good as they are, can't compare with like 8 years and 28 volumes that I spend too long scrutinizing.

They're also characters I relate to a bit too much, in completely different ways.

So while I'd say I love them with pretty similar strengths, I think ultimately, Rika could win.

(if we compare with Donato, the unconditional winner of number 3, 1) he loses right away, no questions, he's my dad and 2) he also loses because he's a side character who got stuck with a character that Ishida gave up on developing rip he's still extremely great in himself, esp thanks to, that's right, the time he was in contact with a character Ishida actually developed i named Kuki boy)

[the-littlefangirl]

TFATWS episode 1 rewatch commentary

The first scene was so beautiful. I loved that we didn't start directly with the fight sequence. It feels way closer to the quiet beginning of CATWS and I love it so much.

The title is also SO NEAT, music's on point too but hey it’s Henry Jackman the one thing I’m sure it’s going to be great overall is the score.

The choreography is AMAZING, really well shot. Sam shielding himself with only one wing was MA-JES-TIC.

“WHAT'S UP” EXACTLY SAM EXACTLY

I did feel so uncomfortable in regards to the military aspect of it. Not that I was expecting anything else, but both here and in Captain Marvel the military we're good guys < 3 propaganda is so blatant and ugh:/ At least there wasn’t a literal recruitment spot like with CM. 

The yellow filter in the Tunisia scene BYE please stop with the yellow filters 2k21

"I've been working with the Air Force for six months now" So, did Sam even catch a break at all after Endgame? Or did he just throw himself to work like SOMEONE did after being iced for 70 years. Hmmm? Sam????

"Essentially, these people, they want a world that's unified without borders" OH NO! HOW AWFUL, how evil of these bad guys smh

Joaquin: SO about Steve

Sam: :)))))) nope

"Moon stuff" SAAAM

#1 cry with Sam's speech, full on chills.. Fuck. Me. His voice about to break before saying thank you bYE.

Shady politician: "It was the right decision" (FUCKKKKK YOUUU)

Rhodey: *press any key to doubt *

I need someone to analyze the different curation of the two exhibits pretty please

NOT THE PHOTO POST-AZZANO JFC. That photo is my weakness, Bucky sweetie (also I find hilarious that usually when there are articles about Stucky and/or #givecaptainamericaaboyfriend they aaaalways use that photo LMAO)

In case someone wants to read the transcription of the texts about Bucky: "In 1944, while on a mission to thwart a Hydra weapon transport in the Alps, Barnes was thrown from a train and believed to have been killed in action. It wasn't until 2014, over seventy years later, that it was revealed that Barnes was alive, having been found by Hydra operatives. Captain America himself (i can't read) the effort to bring Barnes in only to later aid in a escape from custody having been convinced of his innocence. Steve's loyalty to his old friend, coupled with his refusal to sign the Sokovia Accords, led to the dissolution of the Avengers and drove the Captain into hiding with other like-minded Avengers including Natasha Romanoff, Wanda Maximoff, and Sam Wilson. The current whereabouts of Barnes remains unknown, habing been labeled a fugitive following his escape from custody."

"current wherabout unknown" but not the government, interesting. Also, pretty good summary of CACW from the public's perspective, although one of the things I always wanted to see explored was the public's reaction of the fallout of them going into hiding after Civil War (which I'm hoping we'll get to see a little bit of in Black Widow).

Interesting point about the 70 years without having Captain America. Clearly the sacrifice play wasn't enough this time to fuel the nationalism so they went with a squeaky clean John Walker instead.

Sam saying the shield belongs to Steve I'm going to cry now excuse me. Sam. Sam sweetie.

The No. 1 Captain America comic in the display ugH fuck yes

See this is how you do a cameo that has actual meaning. Thank god for Malcolm Spellman being a competent writer. That scene was so well written.

HAVE YOU PRAISED ANTHONY MACKIE'S PERFORMANCE TODAY?? Holy shit that last shot fucked me up.

I'm loving the use of the wide shots, especially in the flashback. The camera movements are in synch with The Soldier's state of mind and mission focus, so good.

EVERYONE STAND UP FOR THE NATIONAL ANTHEM aka The Winter Soldier theme composed by Henry Jackman.

Without a doubt the most brutal TWS fight scene there has been, People involved in Punisher and John Wick are involved in this and it SHOWS. 

For the record, still stands that the only time we've seen him chocking someone with his right hand instead of the metal arm remains the Maria Stark assasination. I know it's probably because of blocking and the way the shot was composed but the implications are still bone chilling. God.

Uhhmmmm I'm very ambivalent about the "Hail Hydra". On one hand, it was 100% fanservice and the internet is probably going to go insane over it, and the dead way Sebastian Stan delivered the line. Good shit. Buuut what I love about CATWS is the way Bucky never, ever ever, mouths Hydra rethoric, and even when Pierce tries to gaslight him with it, it's just an empty effort. The Winter Soldier isn't doing anything because of ideological loyalty to Hydra, even if it's product of brainwashing, it's just sheer dehumanization. They don’t need him to say the words because he’s just An Asset. There are people who have put it more eloquently but yeah, I rather go with the fanon interpretation of that aspect.

The music growing louder with the shot of the keys. GOD.

I'm fine this is fine.

#2 cry with the therapy scene of fucking course.

The government monitoring Bucky is noooot going to end well lmao.

"We need to know that you're not gonna * slowmo stabbing motions *

Bucky: * nodding along slowly * 

I laughed out loud.

"It's passive agressive" I love him.

The way this scene just sucker punched me in the face, made me weep and then had me cracking up. Amazing.

Therapist: You can't do anything illegal

Bucky: yup yup check checkity check. What IS considered illegal tho?

*aggresive tablet finger pressing *

"Then why isn't it rule number one?" Bucky your Steve is showing.

I love the close up shot. I'll keep saying it. It's so good.

"I'm James Bucky Barnes" yeah you are🥺

That smile is nightmare fuel LMFAO I love it.

Uhm the way I'm kinning Bucky it's not funny anymore damn

That whole “are you lashing out at me” rambling is really reminiscent of the bar scene in CATFA and how he lashed out at Steve after Peggy left. Uhm yeah fuck.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?" "Peace"

"That is UTTER BULLSHIT" "You're a terrible shrink"

yeah ugly crying to ugly laughing speedrun for me

"You're free" "To do what?" jesus. That entire scene. #3 and #4 and #5 cries for moi.

Ugh that Brooklyn shot. Someone needs to do a gifset compairing it to the one in CATFA asap.

"It's like Monique but it's got a "U" in there for uniqueness" "That's absurd" LMAO

"You can't keep fighting with your neighbors" uHM * redacted redacted i'm shifting into 1940s mode abort abort *

"Nobody passed 90" "So young. Such a shame" FGADHGA

🥺🥺 yes flex those flirting skills good for you

"It's a dance to this things. You can't… you gotta warm up and I haven't danced since 1943. Feels like." #6 cry I completely broke down into tears with that.

This Yori storyline is going to punch me in the face with a metal fist. Great!

The TWS theme when he looks at Yori fuuuuuck.

GREAT LET'S GO TO LOUISIANA THAT WAS GETTING HEAVY.

Those shots of Sam in the car. Immaculate. Showstoping. Yes.

Marvel, what if instead of promoting the military industrial complex you put a lot of publicity about cars?

"Uncle Sam!" LMAO subtle.

Everyone trying to have the wings lmao same.

I've only had Sarah for a day but etc. Brooklyn 99 meme

Good mirroring about Steve and Sam family's legacy. Good shit. Goooood shit.

Sam is trying so hard ouch my heart. I can't imagine how painful the scene with them reuniting must have been. He 100% still feels a lot of guilt about being gone for those 5 years (and even longer before that).

"Maybe it is time for us to move on" uuuuuuuuuuh

"To the rescue" "Always" 🥺🥺 i love them so much already

That shot outside the restaurant is so beautiful. Can't wait to see the night scenes in Madripoor tbh.

"I tried the whole online dating thing. It's pretty crazy". Uhm well that is something that Bucky Barnes has now said. In canon. Damn.

"It's a lot" "You sound like my dad" LMAO

Every Bucky fanfic trope speedrun with this scene

"Wow you really can drink" OH you have no idea

Just realized we don't even know her name, well.

"You have any siblings?" "I have a sister" THE WAY I SCREECHED. We're definitely getting Becca

Well that escalated quickly. The important thing is to try?

I can't deal with this BUCKY SWEETIE #8 cry right there fuck

The wardrobe department is KILLING IT, there's such a difference between the outfits of the shows vs how ugly and generic it usually is.

"ThEre is NO such thiNg as on time. You're either EARLY or LATE . picK One" lmao the way he delivered that line

At first I thought the flag smashers had thrown two cars out of a window LMAO

"I don't know how jurisdiction works here, but I'mma have to place you under arrest" uhm yikes. The way they changed Joaquín Torres backstory to just random army nice guy #1 is not sitting well with me, what can I say.

Sam's wings motions I LOVE HIM YOUR HONOR

Fuuuuck this guy.

"Funny how thing's always thighten around us" "Look, I'm on your side. After all, he's a hero". This script is C R I S P as hell, great fucking job.

"I don't care, I'm not gonna quit" "What are you trying to prove? And who you trying to prove it to" SHIT HSIT SHIT!!! UGH amazing. Look it's not necessary to say the show's questions out loud but how they flow between the conversations is still very satisfactory without feeling in your face about it. Inner conflicts have been set up fucking perfectly everyone * claps *

Ugh here we fucking go.  I knew this was how the episode was going to end but my stomach still dropped like a rollercoster. God.

The score is on point. Damn. Damn.

God, Sam.🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

The captain america franchise's visuals in the credits are always so amazing.

Also, does anybody know why Mackie isn't first in the billing?  Uhm what's that about?

ANYWAY CONCLUSION THAT EPISODE WAS SO FUCKING GOOD LIKE HOLY SHIT. I love them so much. The balance between the personal conflicts and the political aspect (although the military aspect is still very much yikes) was on point and it was overall a joy to watch.

[chuuphoria1]

CHAPTER 90 SPOILERS

In conclusion Fukuchi was the one who stabbed Tachi and then he slashed his eyes and stopped him from killing himself and fucking turned him to a vampire what the fuck is this i need therapy asap i can’t take this pain anymore  :’)