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kanmom51 · 1 year ago

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This one is kind of personal and a lot mushy

(And as I'm writing this, a bit of a rant as well)

*Be advised.😅

Been a bit.

Well, I was kind of busy. On one of those 'once in a lifetime' trips you take to celebrate a big one, this one being my 30th wedding anniversary.

And while I was on this trip (and I am sure to share some pics, cause why not, seeing we got some spectacular ones) I got to thinking about Jikook. Because, who doesn't think about Jikook on their 30th anniversary trip, right?

Let's be real for a sec. Who doesn't think about Jikook ALL THE DAMN TIME?

Obsessed much?

Hell yeah!!!😂

Proudly admitting it!!

Look at those two:

Can you seriously blame me?

Nah, but seriously.

I couldn't help but think about who I am, where I've come from, how my partner and myself came to be, our love and respect for each other, how we fought through everything life swings at you and how our love not only survived all of it but seems to have flourished even more. I can honestly say that I love my husband today even more than I did when we got married. It's a different kind of love. A mature love. A love that survived many trials and tribulations. Some you know of when you tie the knot but many more you don't expect.

And thinking of us I couldn't help but think about those two young men and how they met, what brought them together, how they connected, how they have been through so much together, the hardships, the struggles, the amazingly good and the terribly bad, all making their bond even stronger.

There are those that cannot fathom how 2 young beautiful talented men could be in a committed relationship when they have this whole smorgasbord of beautiful people just wanting to lay a hand on them. Everyone wants a piece of them and here they are in a committed relationship with each other? A long term committed relationship? How ever could that be?

When you love someone to the core, which is exactly how those two feel (people can deny it all they want, but it won't change the facts, these two have chosen each other every single time over anything and anyone else), when you get to know that one person and fall deeply in love with them, know their ins and outs, know their flaws and issues, seen them at their best and at their worst. When they are happy or sad, healthy or sick, elated or furious, and find them attractive through and through, still want to be by their side.

No.

Need to be by their side.

Want to be there when they are happy, share their joy, but also be there when they are sad or down and stand by their side to support them through it (even with and despite all those flaws and issues and difficulties that at times can also infuriate you and basically make you want to ring their necks at certain points in time) there is no love (between partners) deeper than that.

I do know, we all should, that what they experienced and how they are living cannot be compared to us regular folk. Their circumstances are such that they have to deal not only with an industry and society that deems them as 'wrong' (that includes a big chunk of their own fandom btw), but also a lifestyle that is nothing like the one we know or have experienced. The hours, the cameras in their faces close to 24/7 (up until their break and hiatus and even prior to that during the pandemic - which btw is one of the reasons people have gone mad at that point given we stopped getting an influx of BTS content for such a long time), growing up and maturing in the limelight, enjoying the fame and exposure at first and then fighting for privacy and 'anonymity' when you realize there is a price to that fame. None of us have experienced that. Yes, we can find the similarities and by extension make conclusions about them, but at the same time we always need to remember that their lives are different than ours and that we cannot always hold them to the same standards of behavior that we are used to in our own lives and relationships.

This is beside the point that every relationship is different. I will just say this. A healthy long term relationship is built on 2 or more (I ain't judging) individuals that stand as their own person and chose to be with the other/s. They don't necessary have to have the exact same interests or likes. What they do need is to love, respect, trust each other and understand that part of that is allowing your significant other to do what they love, even if it means doing it without you. Even if it means doing it with someone else. You all know where I'm getting with this right? Going out with others, travelling with others, drinking with others, spending time with others, choosing to spend time alone without your significant other, none of them diminish from your relationship if indeed it's building blocks are solid. And brace yourselves (well, those that are in long term relationships know this already...), but all of the above actually helps maintain your relationship. Can make it better and stronger.

I've been lurking a little on SM, even while away, only to find that once again, or should I say still (surprise surprise... NOT) there are those that are doubting the bond that these two young men have. It's solos and cultists trying to create an alternative universe in which JK and JM are not close and even distanced (some would love for them to actually hate each other - good luck with that psychos). Or it's once again those insecure 'Jikookers' that seem to need that constant affirmation from a real life queer couple that most certainly will not be giving them that. I keep asking myself why is it that a couple like JM and JK need to constantly prove they are together (all while they actually can't come out and say it due to their circumstances - industry and society they live in), when a heterosexual couple, say Zendaya and Tom, for example, are not expected to? How come a blurry clip (which I still say is fake) released at a very suspicious point in time, together with other obviously edited clips and serious claims of misconduct that are clearly made up and were intended to cause JK harm, have more of an impact on them than years and years of interactions, talk, actions (including just before the clip was released and after it as well)? And now another blurry clip that people are going all crazy over. Like seriously, what is wrong with people? Is the lack of content driven them mad? No drama so we need to create it? Well, thing is that when you are in a healthy committed long term relationship there is not much drama. That's the way it is when you are settled and happy and know who you are and who you love and know that they feel the same about you. Arguments, disagreements, bad days - sure. That's life. But at the end of the day if people want drama they should go watch one on TV.

So, how do I put it to make is as clear as possible?

These insecurities we get from some of the fans, they work like clockwork. Every single time, in the past, when we didn't get much from the two there were these whispers and question marks regarding their relationship. Not even if they are still together, but down to the core of their bond, as to even question if they are close or friends. This phenomenon goes way back.

But since end of 2021 beginning of 2022, when they were on their break and later the hiatus into 2023 it blew up like a full on hydrogen bomb.

This got worse after they were assigned their own 'personal' IG accounts and went on their break.

The misconception by many that these accounts were somehow their private accounts that they use to interact with each other, I can't call it anything other than delusional. Sorry not sorry. And if people did not realize that themselves if only from the lack of posting or interaction with whoever, then we had the members themselves telling us that they regularly interact within their own private chat groups. That photos shared on IG with us have been previously shared with the others in those groups. These IG accounts were created to maintain contact between the members and their fans, knowing that the group is going into hiatus and that they will each be promoting their own individual solo projects. Yes, the group Twitter (X) account could be used for that, but there was an attempt to create a more 'personal' connection between each member and Army. These accounts were work, as simple as that, and them reacting to other members or talking with each other through these accounts was not an indication what so ever to whether they were in touch or not otherwise.

At the time, back in early 2022, when people were reeling over the lack of interaction between the two on their IG accounts I tried to explain that a. not seeing something most definitely does not mean it's not there (something those two made sure to prove time and time again over the past couple of years), and b. that the lack of interaction can actually be an indication to them spending most of their time together, as there is no need to comment on another's post when you are right there to tell them whatever it is you want to tell them to their face. Not to mention, and this part is all me, so take or leave it as you will, but some of said IG posts, well, how do I put it? I guess I just say it as it is... some of these photos posted were either taken by the other or they were right there or really near by when it was taken. There. I said it. In any case, the fact that these were the only two not to interact with each other in front of Army's face, out of the whole group, that, to me, meant they were the ones spending most of the time together.

Oh, and let's just address the whole fanservice stupidity surrounding those two once and for all.

If they were all about fanservice, how is it that since that during the break in 2021-2022 and then during the hiatus and their solo endeavors, we were robbed of said fanservice? Wouldn't you expect that the fanservice couple, the scripted couple, be pushed during each other's promotions? How is it that we have seen during these periods of promotions every single other coupling other than JM and JK. Even JK visiting JM during his rehearsals was heavily edited. How come, if we are being sold a fake bond? No JK being forced to go visit JM when performing at the music shows. No JM being forced to do the same with JK. JM paired with Suga for an add for Busan (? that one was really an odd one for me). When did we see them? So yeah, people can scream fanservice all they want, but deep down inside they know it's a crap claim. I won't even go into JK's lives. There was not one ingenuine bone in his body, and that excitement seeing JM's comments, that coquettish behavior while interacting with him (especially during the bed live, OMG!!!), the reactions to the JM centered content he CHOSE to watch during those lives, none of that is scripted nor acted. It's all JK. All him. And JM's reaction when JK shows up at his documentary viewing live, that little butt wiggle in his chair (reminds me of Bam when happy to see his dad/s, as shown by JK), the face lighting up, the genuine worry on his face talking about JK working hard (during another couple of lives), again, not faked.

So yeah, not fanservice.

I digressed, I think.

Let's get back to 2022 why don't we?

On their break these crazy stories of heartbreak and breakup and hate and suffering and god knows what, only all to be thrown out of the window as soon as we got to see the two together again during the Seoul concerts and then LV. Oh LV. That was a wild ride.

Then BTS went on hiatus and the solo era began. And we were getting less and less ot7 content, and once again the insecurities. These ups and downs (you know, the whole JITB party stories about them not being together - that was countered by the BTB that followed a while after), then Busan concert's high, then 2023's downs and ups and downs and ups and fruck it all, I'm sea sick from this stupidity.

Same exact stories were repeated in 2023!!!

Especially after THE CLIP "which shall not be named" dropped.

SAME EXACT TO THE T STORIES!!!

But again, I digress.

Insecurity regarding the two and their bond (seeing they aren't in the public eye) followed by realization that everything is as it was (if not even better and stronger) once we see them together again. And the reason we don't see them together while on break... wait for it... is because they are a private couple living their everyday life, not for the cameras, not for Army, but for THEMSELVES.

Who would have thought.

And when they are together, as in working together, either filming or shooting or performing, well their bond can't be hidden, as much as they might have to wind it down at times (which is mainly not when they are on stage hyped up on adrenaline, lol), seeing that this is still Kpop, with fandoms that feel ownership over them, not to mention them being a queer couple. You know. All the usual reasons.

This idea people have that these two owe us something. That they constantly have to prove their bond, their connection, their relationship. What utter bull.

Anyway, what a slap in the face (for some a good wake up call, for others a well deserved one) the news of them choosing to enlist together was for so many.

Bottom line is, repeated for the millionth time, that these two young men have shown us time and time again that when push comes to shove they will chose one another!!!

I feel like I'm all over the place here. Came to talk about my trip and ended up talking about fanservice and insecurity and god knows what. I guess it's the jetlag (yeah, let's go with that and blame it on the jetlag).

In any case I will go with my favorite saying as of late:

Why this whole long word vomit, you may ask (or you might not ask, who knows, lol)?

What the hell does this have to do with my trip?

Nothing...?

Probably, lol.

But I am going to try to connect the dots. Even if they did make sense in my mind when I first started writing this post and no longer do...

How about the fact that the two chose to take these trips together?

See how I did that? Connecting the unconnected?

Not even going to ask the egg-chicken question here, as I am quite positive it was always about the trips and the show/content for army was the excuse that allowed them to travel 'for work', and a little bonus of content for army when they are away - not to mention perhaps even an opportunity for a soft outing, who knows.

They wanted to spend this time together before enlistment.

We know of at least 3 trips. Connecticut, Jeju and Japan (the Jeju trip may or may not be part of that 'show').

We are yet to know what exactly this 'show' will be. Will it be an actual show, style BV or ITS? Will it be a Vlog? Will we be getting actual episodes or several minute clips? But one thing for sure. Whatever we get, it will be a drop in a lake of the time they spent together. They went on these trips to be together. They shot this 'show' to allow them to be on these trips. This 'show' will give us a glimpse, no more than that, of what they got up to while together. Bottom line - it's about them, not the show and definitley not us.

So yeah, tripping together (lol, as in traveling, just felt like using that fun word, which can mean so much more as well) is something couples love to do, and going on said trips prior to a huge life changing event (let's be real here, going into the military for 18 months, especially knowing that to be able to enlist TOGETHER, they will be placed in one of the harsher units and environments, knowing that even though they will be together they most certainly will not have the freedoms they enjoy prior to enlistment), well that is something they would do as well.

To sum this whole rant up:

I came here to show off some pics from my trip...

If Jikook are allowed to (and god help them all if we don't get that show eventually...), then so am I...

The scenery...

And the wild life

So there you have it.

I managed to talk about my trip and about Jikook all in one long ranty post.

To those that managed to work their way through it I have this to say:

#jikook #kookmin #minkook #jungkook #jimin #jk #jm

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a-student-out-of-time · 2 years ago

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Despair Time Switch Theory: Definitive Edition

//Hey everyone, Mod Bubbles here. After many weeks of work, it's finally done.

//Ever since I first proposed my personal theory for Despair Time Chapter 2, the Switch Theory or Swap Theory as it's been called, I've both seen and received a lot of disagreement over it. Not just questions and disagreements over the mechanics of it, but points I've raised in relation to the other characters and the story's themes.

//Through all of that, it's become very clear that a lot of the points I've raised in my previous posts have either been completely misunderstood or dismissed outright, and it's resulted in a lot of misinformation about what this theory is actually about.

//And I'll be honest: I blame myself. I was too overzealous and I made a lot of incorrect conclusions and claims without having the evidence to back it up. Now that I've had over half a year to really sit down and think about this stuff, I've managed to hash out a much better and more structured theory, answering every question I've received thus far and then some.

//And because Tumblr now limits post sizes, I've put everything together into this Google Doc. Don't let the size intimidate you, most of it is due to the pictures I've included as evidence. I promise it's not too long of a read.

//In the end, whether or not you agree with me regarding this theory, I've tried to focus on what I see as key details not only for Arei and J, but the cast as a whole and story beats that I feel get consistently overlooked in other theories. Maybe you'll agree with me after reading this, maybe you won't, but either way, I do hope I'll at least give people more to think about.

//Also, I'd like to give some shout-outs not just to my friends who helped me with this, but some other Despair Time theorists out there whose work contributed to this:

@tophats-tea

@venus-is-thinking

@justanareikinniewhosatheaterkid

@1moreff-creator

//Even if we've had our disagreements over our various theories, I have to thank you all for getting me to think critically about a lot of details I either overlooked, didn't know about or didn't fully analyze.

//And if you can, please reblog this and spread it around so more people can see what I'm actually trying to talk about with this theory. I promise you it's much more than just hoping my favorite character is alive ^^;

//Have a great day everyone!

#mod talks #a student out of time #danganronpa despair time #drdt #despair time #switch theory #despair time switch theory

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nadinenc · 2 years ago

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I'm a queer Christian.

Here comes a rant!

(This is a queer-safe space; hate comments will be deleted)

So I've been in a rollercoaster lately. I've always been comfortable with being bi, even though I've been raised Christian. I was under the assumption that my environment was ok with it too; why wouldn't they be? I've never heard something bad and I haven't hidden me being bi. My family supports me and never thought of it as bad, though nobody can vouch FOR the LGBTQIA+ community on behalf of the bible.

And I've been struggling with being associated with Christianity, for obvious reasons. Most queer people get cautious when they hear someone is Christian, and we can't blame them. Christianity has a big, I might even say the biggest, group which includes people hating on queer people, thinking they shouldn't exist and actively professing their hate. I can't be part of that. I don't want to say I'm Christian and immediately saying "BUT I don't hate queer people! I'm one myself!" which I felt the need for and which I did. I don't want to believe in the God for me and being included in a group where a big part has values against me. But I still want to believe in God.

Cause the Bible is a tricky thing, you have to read it with care, from my point of view. It has been translated and it has metaphors and it's very context base. So I've learned to read the seemingly anti-homosexuality parts as a text against cheating, in any form. How can a book about love be against people healthily loving each other?

So. Under the assumption everyone was good with me being bi. Then, I was talking to my friend of 9 years about being associated with Christianity, when she casually dropped the bomb of not supporting it. She knew I was bi. I did not know she didn't support it. That hurt. I genuinely was scared for my safety for a split second. (I was still physically safe). We talked about it a lot then, and shared our point of views. I was shocked not everyone in my direct environment who I really care about was against such a big part of me. I told her it was a surprise. She said she can love me and still not support me seeking out that part of me. Compared it to drinking alcohol excessively. I really looked up to how steadfast she is in her faith, but I started to question everything. Does my God love me but simply not support that part of me? I thought about it a lot, came to the conclusion I couldn't be part of a religion that doesn't support love, that doesn't support these people, even when I wouldn't be one of them, even when I really want to put God first. I got emotional in church two days later and sought out the pastor, who then also told me it stood in the Bible clearly that it's not okay. I made a big "eh..." gesture, thinking about reading stuff in context. I didn't agree. I think the Bible can still stand for love, and the kind of inclusive love I want to support.

Then! My friend of two years who I also look up to in faith, and who is kind of feministic and agrees on a lot of point of views with me, told me the same three hours ago. "I can love a person and still not support that part." What do you even do in a friendship like that? When they are against such a big part of you, can the friendship exist? It'll always be in the back of my mind now, whenever I meet with either of them.

Can anyone (Christian or not, queer or not, but keep it queer-friendly!) please share their point of view on any of this? I am so lost here.

Waiting on the day I can find people who can vouch for the queer community on behalf of the bible with me. The only argument I have heard is passive or against. In favour I've had to figure out myself. I still have to figure it out. But I want to get there.

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dorothydalmati1 · 2 years ago

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Obscure Animation Subject #20: Time Squad

Originally posted on Twitter on January 20, 2023.

Created and directed by Dave Wasson, its about three dudes who try to keep time in place and not change. Not a bad concept for a time travel show, but in execution its not that good for its lousy writing and its corniness.

What makes it notable though is that its the first show to have the Cartoon Network Studios checkerboard clips logo, a logo fondly remembered be fans of Cartoon Network for its variant variety. The variant seen on this show can be seen here: https://www.youtube.com/embed/fDaeGmxCACg

youtube

And with the obvious I mentioned, it aired on Cartoon Network and was produced by CN’s own studio. Each episode is written by Dave Wasson and Carlos Ramos. Michael Karnow also co-wrote the series except for episodes 1a, 2a, 3a, 6a and 7a. Larry Leichliter co-directed 7 episodes.

It did get a few nominations, but after 26 episodes of 53 segments, it was cancelled and forgotten about. I wouldn’t blame anyone including myself because this show is very generic and I even don’t remember watching when I was a little child. The animation isn’t bad though.

In conclusion, its not abysmal, but not worth your time either. You wouldn’t miss much if you skip it, but if your curious, try a few random episodes out for the hell of it. This is another time traveling show, and most time travel shows are intriguing, but this one is mediocre.

TWITTER COMMENTER NOTES: A user by the name of Brianna Brancamp said that they did enjoy the show, though did agree that the earlier episodes have weaker writing (the Trojan Horse and Robin Hood ones were notable examples). They said it got better after Napoleon, but said that Edgar Allen Poe is when the show soared. They did say that it’s okay if I think the entire show is weak, and that everyone has their own opinions, which is something I completely agree to.

#Time Squad #cartoon network #cartoon network studios #obscure animation #Youtube

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mountain-lion-gremlin · 2 years ago

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Hey I would like to shortly discuss something here.

Lately I've been talking about cults and replying to people who say we are a cult, and I would like to make my stance pretty clear on what I think.

First of all, I have never suffered at the hands of a cult, but I have ran into quite a few, done research on cults, and personally enjoy learning more about cults in itself. Doesn't mean I like - study it as a college course and things like that, its simply something I find interesting as a phenomenon and may be wrong.

Two, I am not dismissing or allowing cults to be forgiven for what they have done to people. I am generally optimistic, and believe in second chances for others, but I truly do not think that cults should be forgiven for what they have done to others. I don't think that the people who have encouraged and have caused harm to others because of their cult should be forgiven if they have done nothing at all to be better or prove themselves to be worthy of forgiveness. And do know that it is not me who will forgive these people - it is those who have been harmed by cults who should determine whether to forgive these people or not.

Three, I am not trying to shame, blame, or simply ignore what victims of cults have gone through. What you have experienced is absolutely horrible, and you are allowed to hate, dislike, or simply block me or anyone else if they talk of p-shifting/ if they are p-shifters.

Four, I want to make it understandable that many of us discourage, hate, or are as far away as possible from cults. Many of us within the p-shifting community will actively tell others of the dangers of cults and work hard to protect others from falling into a cult. Many, including myself, (but i can't speak for everyone!) Just want to exist happily without dealing with the exhaustion of arguing with others over such a small part of our identities. Cults disrupt that, and I want nothing to do with people who will readily forgive others, who encouraged cult-like behavior and took part in it, but have never dealt with being in a cult. (Its like someone saying that we should forgive groomers although they have never been groomed, nor have seen what they have done to people.)

Five, as far as I know, any group can have cult-like behaviors apart of it and be positive, uplifting, and NOT be a cult. Not every sign of a cult means that a group is a cult. (Please correct me if I am wrong!)

Six, I do not want anyone to think that I am encouraging cult-like behaviors when I talk of p-shifting. I personally practice p-shifting, and interject myself into conversations of p-shifting because I have seen p-shifting differently from what some people may have experienced. I am hoping to broaden the scope of beliefs and opinions so that people can come to their own conclusions. When I talk of p-shifting cults, I am not encouraging people to actively practice what they(the cults) have done and that it's okay. I want to show what they have done, and allow others to form their own opinions and learn - this is what cults do, and this is what is dangerous. P-shifting, in my mind, has always been something similar to shamanism, or is just physically expressing your identity. I may have not experienced what others have about p-shifting, and I have not seen everything mind you! If it is different to you, or if you see it as dangerous; alright, that's fine! I am not looking to attack anyone, and will gladly chat with anybody and allow myself to be open-minded to what others have experienced.

Seven, I have not p-shifted before. I teach what I have experienced (which is very little) and what I have read (which may be misinformation) and want everyone to know that I might be wrong. Take what I say with a grain of salt, always. I have never been within a p-shifting cult, at least never long enough to absorb their ideals and teach it onto others. I have always been sort of aloof and stepped back from what I read online and tend to only talk of what I've seen personally (which may exclude a lot of people! I do not mean it in any sort of way to invalidate or ignore who other people are.)

And finally, eight. I am so, very sorry if what I have said in the past has contradicted anything I have said here. I've got a human brain - sometimes I mess up or say things that are downright rude, patronizing, or horrible. I am trying to make things clear here (of my stance on cults, and the relationship between p-shifters and cults), so I hope at least it's working *sob*

I might expand this if need be, or if I see something that needs to have this readdressed. Please lmk if something is unclear, or if I need to cover anything else about cults and p-shifting cults.

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varsh101101 · 3 months ago

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I'm 23 years old jobless i dont know what I love except music yet I haven't started taken any step towards it or started pursuing it full-fledged but does it stop anyone from achieving their goals and or am i holding anyone from doing anything am i stopping anyone from doing what they love I'm not annoying anyone with dumb questions or opinions why should everyone assume of come to a conclusion that if a girl is idle at her home or figuring out her life should only get married well she can travel she can take time to figure out or even simply sit idle I simply get blamed my everyone including my closed ones saying that it's my fault that I dint figure out so everyone will pressurize me to get married wow what an amazing logic even if I'm 25 or 30 none of them are going to provide for me or come and love their life for me so why do you they care and why do they make overthink even more and why do they trigger my anxiety I'll fix my mental health I'll fix my sleep cycle I'll fix my insecurities I'll fix my life I'll then figure out my career or higher studies or whatever it is how convenient it is to joke around or even seriously bring this topic that you should get married or you can get married you can have a convienient life and you can do reels you can have fun even after marriage you can study after marriage or you can just chill even if i want to get married early it should be my call so don't let the world or your family or your friends make u feel guilty le sad about that you aren't doing anything productive or you are jobless or you are idle you ll shine at your own time own pace there s no race there s nothing that you can't face . I'm not saying that getting married is bad it's completely an individual s choice but every damn thing if i dress up for myself and for taking pictures I'm interested if i sincerely work for my house or if I'm religious I'm interested whatever I do or say if I'm angry it's a bad thing if I'm sensitive it's a bad thing then what should I do just mask my emotions and be pretentious i don't want to be that even if i mask my emotions in the end nothing is changed I'm only getting hurt i don't know who are my true friends who would be there for me no matter what who really cares for me understands me and how many will just comment or like this post on sympathy or for name same its just a rant and this post is only for me and about me life doesn't end in 30 i myself is a bigger critic I get tensed easily i overthink a lot I ll blame myself I have so many regrets and every one are just adding fuel to the fire and what I'm just a marriage material now i choose to ignore it defend it but I'm not gonna defend or ignore or give a damn about it and I'm not here to prove my talents and skills to everyone I know when I'll get my life on track people with unsolicited opinions can just shut up and not only the grownups even people around my age would love to joke about my life and just have the audacity to say it's just a joke well I can laugh only few times and what's with it would anyone ask a guy to get married I know they ll pressurize a guy to find work but I'm pressurized for both more than pressurizing it's all those jokes and sarcastic comments makes me furious my parents are supportive but they would also say things like the job should be convenient even after marriage next it's your wedding we ll come to your house after wedding you would serve us well right and my siblings and my cousins are on my nerves if you don't find a job or go to work immediately obviously they ll talk about your marriage it's all your fault u wasted 2 years of your life and I'm ready to the face the consequences and getting married just because a person has to find their goal is the stupidest and dumbest thing ever don't let anyone trigger you or irritate your or don't take all these things into head everyone are here for a purpose and everyone are going to do it if not do what you love

#mylife #rant #angry #sad thoughts

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visceravalentines · 3 years ago

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All the Time in the World

Dilf!Bo Sinclair x AFAB!Reader

7.3k

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Your regularly scheduled weekend tryst with your Southern gentleman is interrupted by your dad's fancy work party. Or is it?

Smut & fluff & just a smol dash of angst, age gap, dad’s best friend, semi-public sex, Daddy kink, oral, fingering, dirty talk & praise from both Bo and the reader (get it babe, pour filth into HIS ear), soft orgasm denial, creampie, cockwarming, light bondage, reader's parents get very drunk and reader drinks in moderation, reader wears a dress, she/her pronouns used, reader referred to as darlin', baby girl, pretty thing. If you need a pair of surrogate parents to imagine since they have a significant speaking role in this part, here is who I picture while writing lol.

Next Friday was going to be a big night.

Your dad had been spearheading a massive, important project at work for the last year and it had finally come to its conclusion. The company was hosting a gala to celebrate, with your father as a guest of honor. You and your mother were invited, of course, and expected. No chance of getting out of it.

“It’s stupid,” you said to Bo.

The two of you were on his back porch, getting an early start on the evening’s beer stock. “It’s going to take the whole night. They have an open bar and everyone always gets wasted at his work functions. My parents included."

“It ain’t stupid,” Bo said. “You’re just mad it’s happenin’ on a Friday night so you can’t sneak your ass over here after work."

“So what if I am?"

“So what if y’are?" He took a swig of his beer. “Come over Saturday. I’ll even stay in bed for ya."

“What a sacrifice."

“I’m a giver, darlin’, you know this."

You pushed his knee with your bare foot. “What’re you gonna do without me Friday night? Work on that Cadillac in the garage?"

“Actually, I got a date."

You choked on your beer. “What?"

“Y’know Maggie Harper two doors down?"

You rolled your eyes. “Bo, isn’t she married with like, six kids?"

“Ain’tcha heard, baby girl? I’m a homewrecker. Ruinin’ marriages and robbin’ cradles."

“If you go on a date with Maggie Harper, I’m texting Bradley from Gulfport."

He scowled. “Bradley from Gulfport’s gonna end up a cold case." You giggled. “What’re you wearin’ to this party? Bet I’m missin’ out."

“You are. It’s a very nice dress. Pretty low-cut. Slits up the sides."

“Damn." He shook his head mournfully. “Guess I better take you somewhere nice so you can wear it for me."

“I’ll send you a picture."

Bo shot you a mischievous look. “Would you do somethin’ for me?"

You regarded him suspiciously. “Depends."

He leaned on the arm of his deck chair. “Leave your panties at home and send me a picture o’ that."

Your mouth fell open. “You’re serious."

“Always, darlin’."

“You’re filthy."

“You bring it outta me."

“Don’t blame it on me."

“Ain’t nobody else around."

“My mom is gonna be there."

“Well you don’t have to show it to her."

You laughed, sipped your beer while you considered. “Alright. I’ll do it."

He grinned. “You’re the best, baby girl."

The weekend passed too quickly, as it always did, and the week flew by too. Friday afternoon, Bo flipped the sign on the shop door and turned to you with a sigh and the most forlorn expression he could manage.

“Dunno what I’m gonna do with myself all alone tonight."

“Don’t say that, you’re making me feel bad." You wrapped him in a hug. “I wish I didn’t have to go."

“Nah, it’s a good thing. You gotta support your dad."

“You’re right. Have to earn some points while I still can. Maybe it’ll cushion the blow when they find out you’re paying me for sex."

“Darlin’, I guarantee it will not." Bo kissed your forehead. “You’re comin’ over tomorrow?"

“Of course I am."

“I’ll pick up more o’ those snacks you like."

You smiled up at him. “You’re a sweetheart."

“Only for you, baby girl." He kissed you, long and sweet. “I’ll text you later,” he said with a wink and a smirk.

You got ready for the evening at your parents’ house. The dress really was something, black with a smattering of delicate beaded details, the neckline a deep V, the floor-length skirt long enough that even with the slit up both sides, you weren’t worried about the consequences of fulfilling his request. It hugged your figure in all the right places, made you feel sexy and confident. You wished he could see you in it.

Before you left your room, you tossed the pair of panties you would have worn onto your bed, took a picture, and sent it to him. Call it a teaser. He responded promptly with a single text:

Minx.

You grinned and tucked your phone in your bag.

The gala was being held at an upscale hotel downtown. You rode with your parents and arrived considerably earlier than most of the guests. You made nice with the introductions, smiled politely, retained nobody’s name, answered the same three questions about college until you were ready to snap.

The night had only begun. You were ready to go home.

Playing the dutiful daughter with nothing under your skirt was a new kind of thrill, you had to admit. It was probably better to sneak a scandalous picture now, before the crowd really arrived.

You snagged a champagne flute from a server’s tray on the way to your table, drank it too fast looking for a little extra courage. You’d never taken a nude in a public place; to be fair, there wouldn’t be much of an audience in a bathroom stall.

When the champagne was gone, you excused yourself and wandered through the building until you found a restroom a little ways away from the event hall. Naturally, the bathroom was impractically luxurious to match the rest of the hotel, brightly lit and opulent. At the far end from the door, there was a vanity with three low stools upholstered in velvet.

You considered this for a moment. Those stools were cute. You didn’t particularly want to take a picture of yourself straddling a toilet. Maybe…if you were quick….

Desperately trying to seem inconspicuous, you crossed to the vanity, double-checking each stall to be sure it was empty. When you were sure you were alone in the bathroom, you perched on the stool, pulled out your phone.

You caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. You really did look good tonight; it was a damn shame you weren’t going to see him until tomorrow. You snapped a couple selfies, made sure to get the dress and the way it hugged your chest in frame.

Then you adjusted your skirt, glancing behind you with trepidation. You’d had sex in a barn two weeks ago, you reminded yourself. And blown him at work on the clock. And fucked in your bedroom during a block party.

God, he was just stripping away your inhibitions right and left, wasn’t he?

You shook off the realization that you loved it and tugged your skirt up the rest of the way.

After taking a few pictures with your legs in slightly different positions, and then quickly readjusting your dress to salvage a little modesty, you scrolled through to pick the best shots. You could feel your face heating up as you examined yourself, but you knew he was going to love them.

You’d sent him nudes before, but only a couple times, and always from the comfort of your bedroom. No matter how self-conscious you felt, they were always well-received.

As it happened, he had quite the artistic eye when it came to the dick pics he sent your way. No grainy, overexposed, oddly cropped pictures where it looked like he may have just accidentally dropped his phone into his pants. No, you got well-framed mirror selfies, full-body shots with his hand wrapped around his cock or his thumb tucked in the waistband of his boxers.

They were worthy of salivation. He was always saying Vincent was the artist, but as far as you could tell, Bo was a born photographer.

The vanity had been a good choice. Hopefully he’d be impressed. You texted him one shot of your face and two of your pussy and called it a night.

By the time you returned to the event hall, he still hadn’t replied. You were slightly disappointed, but didn’t want to blow it out of proportion, so you tucked your phone away and jumped back into social hour with your dad’s coworkers. It absolutely necessitated another flute of champagne.

You were zoning out during your dad’s eighth rendition of the same story about golf, pleasantly floaty and counting the minutes, when he deviated from the script.

“Oh, here’s the guy I was telling you about, Bo Sinclair. Let me introduce you!"

The words hit your ears like a slap, sobered you up in an instant. You glanced up and sure enough, your smug Southern gentleman was crossing the room, giving Johnny Cash a run for his money in an all-black suit and tie, hair slicked back, gorgeous.

You didn’t even feel your jaw drop. He looked incredible. Moreover, he was here.

He greeted your dad with a smile and a handshake, then those baby blues fell on you. “Good seein’ you,” he said with gentility, taking your hand and pressing a kiss to your knuckles. “You look absolutely stunnin’."

Every drop of champagne in your body rushed to your head and every ounce of blood rushed south and you lamented the fact you were not wearing underwear.

“Sorry honey, probably should’ve mentioned your boss was going to be here,” your dad said.

“No, it’s – fine,” you said.

“’S alright, she doesn’t get enough o’ me at work,” Bo said brightly. “Thanks for invitin’ me."

“Oh, you had to be here,” your dad was saying. The rest of the conversation was utterly lost on you; you were too preoccupied with the scent of his cologne, how his shoulders filled out the jacket. He was handsome as hell in a suit. He played innocent remarkably well, only shooting you the occasional glance, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards every time.

Blessedly, the lights dimmed, signaling to everyone that the evening’s presentation was about to start. You, your father, and Bo returned to the table where your mother was sitting nursing a second – or third? – glass of wine.

“Mind if I sit here?” Bo asked as he slipped into the chair beside you.

“Not at all,” you said.

“Got your text,” he murmured. “Think I’m gonna need a closer inspection."

“Are you talking shop at the dinner table?” your mom interjected.

You could feel, actually feel, your soul leaving your body.

“Apologies,” Bo said with a smile. “Y/N was sendin’ me pictures of her friend’s truck, might wanna sell it. Looks real nice in the pictures, but I always say, y’never know ‘til you take it for a ride."

Your soul did in fact leave your body. Your mother did not seem to notice. Bo flashed you a wicked grin and nudged your foot under the table.

The lights went down even further and stayed that way as the CEO started her speech. You felt Bo’s fingertips brush your knee, squeeze your thigh. He winked at you when you gave him a sidelong glance, then folded his hands primly on the tabletop.

You slipped your foot out of your shoe and ran your toes up and down the back of his calf, stoically did not acknowledge when he looked at you.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw him slip his phone out of his pocket, type something short. As he tucked it back away, your bag buzzed conspicuously. Your mom looked over, made a shushing face.

You focused on the CEO, tried to ignore him as he shifted in his chair. Out of the corner of your eye, he vanished. Seconds later, you felt his fingers on your ankle, and then his lips on your knee. You jumped, startled, and he popped back up from beneath the table, smiling.

“Tyin’ my shoe,” he whispered. You bit your lip and rubbed his spit off your skin.

The speech ended, the lights came up, and shortly thereafter servers began bringing around the first course.

"So Bo, how's my kid doing down at the shop?” your dad asked halfway through his salad. “Giving you all kinds of trouble?"

You stopped chewing, braced yourself for the innuendo.

"Aw, she's a delight," Bo replied. Your eyebrows went up. "Smart as a whip, friendly with the customers, real fast learner. Works harder'n me. I'd keep her around forever if it was up to me, but she's got bigger and better things comin' her way for sure."

He smiled at you, a genuine, affectionate smile, and you tried your hardest not to light up too much. “Thanks, Bo."

“Jus’ the truth, darlin’." He looked at your parents. “She’s somethin’ special."

"I'll drink to that," your dad said.

As guests finished their meals, many of them wandered to the wide-open center of the room where couples were dancing. Your parents got up from the table to join the handful of people already swaying in slow little circles, your mother admonishing Bo to keep an eye on you.

"You here all by yourself, pretty thing?" he said once you were the only two left at the table, scooting his chair a few inches closer to yours.

"You look sexy as hell," you told him. “I didn’t know you owned a suit."

"Thank you, darlin', don't get much occasion to wear it." He fussed with his cuffs. "Think the last time was at Les's weddin'."

"I can't believe you didn't tell me you were going to be here."

"I told ya I had a date."

"You didn't tell me it was with me!"

He gave you a sultry look. "Who else would it be with, baby girl?"

You gazed back at him with open adoration. "You can't just show up here looking like that saying nice things about me."

"Why not?"

"Cause there's no hayloft to hide in."

He laughed. “If you’re that desperate, we can get a room."

You shook your head. “I don’t think they rent by the hour here."

“Probably right." Bo stood up suddenly. “Why don’t we visit the courtyard instead?"

“The what?"

“C’mon, baby girl." He flashed you a mischievous grin, offered you his arm. “It’s real pretty. And real private."

“Bo!” you exclaimed. “My parents are here!"

“When are you gonna stop bein’ sensible and start trustin’ me?"

You stood up and took hold of his elbow. He set a quick pace around the edge of the room toward the door. “When are you going to behave appropriately in a public setting?"

“Darlin’, if you think I’m just gonna sit here and stare at you when you’re wearin’ a dress like that with nothin’ underneath, then you ain’t been payin’ attention."

You stole a wary glance in the direction of the dance floor. You couldn’t see your parents; hopefully they couldn’t see you either. “You are going to get us in trouble."

He tossed that damn smirk at you over his shoulder. Your heart skipped a beat at the look in his eyes, bright and smoldering with lust. “We can hope, can’t we?"

Together you stumbled out of the event hall. He slowed down in the corridor so you could keep pace beside him. He seemed to know where he was going, but the place was a maze to you.

Around the second or third corner, Bo stopped abruptly and pulled you to him, capturing your lips in a kiss. You thought about pushing him away for a second, only a second, before your arms were around his neck and your tongue was in his mouth.

“God, baby,” he breathed. “Wanna touch you so bad."

You slid your hands down his chest. “Then you better find that courtyard."

“’S around here somewhere,” he said, taking your hand and tugging you down the hall.

You rounded another corner and yanked on his hand, pinning yourself between him and the wall. He smashed his mouth against yours, hands on your waist, running up your sides to your breasts and down to your hips. Fiery, you angled your pelvis flush against his, so few layers between you. His fingertips worried at the top of the twin slits of your dress, pawing desperately at the skin of your thighs.

“Uh-uh." You pushed his hands away. “Not in the hallway."

Bo made a disapproving sound. “Then quit kissin’ me like that."

“Never." You pulled him to you by his tie.

He wrested his tie and his lips loose, pointed a finger in your face. “Now who’s gettin’ us in trouble?"

You grinned at him. “I’d kill to get in trouble with you, baby."

He groaned. “Y’promise? I got a gun."

“Cross my heart."

He buried his face in your neck, his kisses manic, and you tilted your head back against the wall in bliss until he sucked hard on your skin. You shoved him away. “Bo! You can’t give me a hickey!"

“I sure can."

“No you can’t!"

He smiled smugly and looped his arm around your waist. “This way, pretty thing."

To your surprise, there really was a door marked Courtyard around the bend. Bo held it open for you and before you could thank him for his chivalry, he grabbed your ass as you passed him. You swatted him away, giggling.

The courtyard was a large area of greenspace smack in the center of the hotel. A fountain burbled in the center and trees and shrubs were planted thickly among the pavers. A smattering of lamps provided wan white light, leaving ample room in the shadows for shenanigans. The early evening stars were hidden from view by the glow of the city, but the sky was a beautiful deep, swelling blue.

“How did you know this was here?” you asked.

“Went with your dad to a golf club happy hour here in the spring."

You winced. “I am so sorry."

“Me too. I hate golf. Drinks were good though."

Bo took your hand and led you to a secluded bench tucked away behind a pair of bushes. It was practically invisible from the door, but plenty of windows loomed overhead like half-lidded eyes. You were hidden beneath the trees, probably. At this rate, you’d be fucking in Times Square by Halloween.

He straddled the bench and you sat between his legs, adjusting your skirt. The cold concrete touched a bare strip of your thigh, made you flinch.

“How much time do you think we have?” you wondered.

“All the time in the world,” he said, kissing you again. His hand wandered from your knee up to the end of the slit in the dress. His thumb played at the inside of your thigh, tantalizingly close to your sex, lighting up the nerves in your groin.

“You look so damn good tonight,” he said. “Drivin’ me wild." You gripped his lapels, kissed his lips, his cheek, the scar on his chin. “Wanna make you feel good, baby girl. Let me make you feel good?"

“Please,” you whispered the way you knew he liked, drawn out and plaintive.

His hand slipped beneath your dress, fingers just parting your lips. Your back arched. His eyebrows shot up. “Soaked, darlin’. Bet you taste even better than you look."

Heat flooded your face and your core. You wanted to see his head between your legs. “Why don’t you find out?"

His lips curled into a smile. “If you insist." He leaned forward and gave you one last kiss before pulling away to kneel on the ground in front of you. He looked up through his lashes like a supplicant at the feet of a saint, hands on your knees, urging your legs open with reverence.

“Nobody in there needs to know you belong to me,” he said, pushing your skirt up and aside. “But I’m gonna make damn sure you know it."

Your fingers curled around the lip of the bench as he blew gently along your slit, following immediately behind with the tip of his tongue. Your breath hitched in your throat. He sucked at your clit, lapped at your arousal, strong hands holding your thighs immobile even as you strained involuntarily to close them.

"Don't you mess up my hair, angel," he warned.

"I wo - oohh." You gripped his shoulders instead, hips rolling.

“Bet I can make you cum before I finish spellin’ my name,” he murmured.

“Full name?"

“Uh-huh,” he said, open-mouthed, his tongue pressed against you. The vibration made you shudder.

You were so hot for him already, it wasn’t going to take much, but his name wasn’t long. You could hold out. “You’re on."

When his tongue dragged lazily over your clit in an unmistakable letter B, your toes curled and you moaned. He punctuated the initial with a merciless suck. The next letter was not an O. You felt yourself clench, ached for him to be inside you. The next letter was also not an O. You were writhing in his grasp and confused in the fog of pleasure.

“Bo…what – god – what are you spelling?"

“My name, darlin’."

“Your name…is two letters."

He grinned up at you in the dim light. “It’s Beauregard, baby girl."

“It’s what?"

“Beauregard Sawyer Sinclair."

Your mouth hung open. “…fuck."

“Think you’re about to lose a bet. Now I can’t remember where I was, so I’m startin’ over." He started over.

His middle fingers were knuckle-deep in your pussy halfway through Beauregard. You did lose the bet, somewhere around the Y in Sawyer. Head thrown back, you saw your own stars spill across the canvas of the sky, your helpless whimpers so soft and so loud in the open air. You melted back into your body with a sigh, blinking bleary-eyed as he sucked his fingers clean.

“You cum so pretty, baby girl,” Bo crooned. “Gonna be thinkin’ about those sweet little sounds when it’s just me and my hand in bed tonight."

You frowned. “You don’t want me to take care of you right now?"

“Nah, we best get back. You can make it up to me later." He winked. “Now, I got the worst knees on this side of the Mississippi, so you’re gonna have to give me about ten minutes to stand up."

He winced as he rose from the ground, kissed you on his way up. You fixed your dress and his tie, pushed one wayward lock of his hair back in place.

“Handsome,” you said, smiling.

“Shucks." Bo wrapped his arms around you. “Kiss me goodnight before we go inside." You obliged. You missed him already.

He held your hand loosely as you crossed the courtyard, tugging uncomfortably at his slacks. “Gimme a second, I gotta get rid of this situation."

You snickered. “I offered my services."

“You hush."

“Could’ve made you try to spell your name again while I sucked you off."

“That’s enough."

“I know what would shut me up, Beauregard."

“Alright then, smartass, I’ll prance in there with a boner and let you explain where it came from."

“Couldn’t say. I’m a virgin."

He snorted as he pulled the door open. “Get inside."

You held his hand until the last possible second before you stepped back into the event hall. Immediately you were searching for your parents. Anxiety seized you in its clammy grip when you caught sight of them seated at your table.

“There you are,” your mom said, slurring a little. “Where’ve you been?"

“Sorry, we went for a walk." You smiled what you hoped was a normal smile.

“Oh that sounds nice." Man, your parents could drink.

“When do you want to get going?” you prompted.

“Well, about that, honey,” your dad said. “The company paid for a room for your mom and I, sort of a surprise weekend getaway." His gaze shifted to Bo. “I hate to ask you this, but could you take her home?"

You didn’t have to look at him to sense the smirk on his face. You could feel it like a kiss on the back of your neck. “I’d be happy to." He touched your back, your upper back, nothing but propriety. “You just lemme know when you’re ready to leave."

“Now is fine,” you said immediately. “I’m pretty tired. And you know, I’m meeting…someone tomorrow to do something, remember?" The details of this weekend’s cover story were fuzzy but so were your folks.

“Right, right,” your dad said. “Have so much fun!"

“Oh I will." You glanced at Bo. “Shall we?"

“Of course, darlin’." He shook your dad’s hand, thanked him again for the invite; you hugged your parents and bid them goodnight and a good weekend.

It was a long walk back out to the hallway. No sooner had you left the room when he clasped your hand, brought it to his lips, and deadpanned, "I'll drop you at yours, then?"

You pushed him playfully. "You'll do no such thing."

"Who is the boss here?"

"I think it's me."

He scoffed, guiding you through the hotel doors with his hand on your back, your lower back, possessive. "I have the keys," he said as he produced them from his pocket.

With uncharacteristic speed you snatched the keys from his hand and danced away down the sidewalk like a dog with a forbidden treasure, skirt gathered in one hand. "Wrong!"

Bo gave chase without a second thought. "Ooh, you better pray I don't catch you, baby girl."

"What're you gonna do, spank me?"

"Somethin' like that."

You spun, flashed him a grin, prancing just out of his reach. "Can't wait."

He lunged and you shrieked with laughter, feinting away at the last possible second. You moved in the direction of his truck parked just down the street.

"This ain't fair, y'got twenty years on me," he whined, out of breath, hands on his hips like an exasperated Little League coach.

"Aw, what a shame." You jingled the keys in your hand. "Guess you'll have to walk home, old man."

He shot you a glare and then without warning broke into a dead run. He was unexpectedly fast, had evidently been holding back, and you let out a genuine scream as you scrambled for the truck. The pounding of his footsteps got louder behind you and the next thing you knew, he had you in a vice grip, whirled you both around so your momentum carried him into the side of the truck and you into his chest.

"Respect your elders, darlin'." He crushed you to him, landing one good slap on your ass.

You collapsed with laughter. "You're scary as hell."

He smiled darkly. "Nah, I'm a big softie." You went to hand him the keys and he shook his head. "You're drivin'."

"What?"

"Take me home, baby girl."

You'd never driven his truck before. He was protective of the thing, to say the least; washed it once a week, detailed it himself, refused to park it within six feet of another vehicle. "Are you sure?"

"I trust you."

You grimaced. "No pressure."

"None at all."

"If I'm driving, I can't blow you."

"There'll be more'n enough time for that later. Quit stallin', I'm ready to be outta this suit."

You opened the driver's door and started to climb in. Bo cleared his throat and you paused, frowning. "What's wrong?"

"Ain'tcha gonna open the door for me?" he pouted.

You rolled your eyes. "Of course, my bad."

Looking pleased, he followed you around the truck and stood back while you opened his door. "Why, thank you, darlin'. Y'sure know how to show a man a nice time."

You grasped his tie and tugged him in for a kiss. "Just you wait."

The anxiety set in with force once you got behind the wheel, but Bo put his hand on your thigh and gave it a squeeze. "Relax, you know how to drive."

"What if I crash?"

"Don't."

"But what if I do?"

"I know a real good mechanic."

With extreme caution, you pulled into traffic and drove five miles under the speed limit the entire way to Bo's house. He kept his hand on your thigh, thumb rubbing circles on your skin, and every time you glanced over at him he was gazing back at you.

"What's up?"

"Just admirin' you. Y'look fine as hell drivin' my truck. 'S like seein' you wear my shirt. Got me thinkin' thoughts."

"What kind of thoughts?"

Bo pinched his tongue between his teeth, dug his nails lightly into your flesh. "You just focus on the road, darlin', and let me worry about that."

When at last you parked in the garage he smiled proudly at you.

"That's my girl."

You laughed with relief and peeled your fingers off the steering wheel. "Can't believe you let me do that."

"Neither can I. Think you're the first, baby girl."

Your eyebrows shot up. "Are you serious?"

"'S a privilege I think you've earned. Y'did well."

You led him up to the house and unlocked the door with his keys. Just inside the entryway, Bo took your face and kissed you in earnest, his tongue playing at your lip.

Your fingers smoothed down his lapels. "Let's get you out of that suit, yeah?"

You kissed him sloppily as he shrugged out of his jacket. He pulled you down the hallway feeling for the lightswitch; you fumbled with his belt while he loosened his tie in the time-honored tradition of not being able to shed clothes fast enough.

You parted lips long enough to pant, "Unzip me?"

"Done."

He spun you around and eased the zipper down your back, peeling the dress open like he was unveiling a piece of art. His kiss on the nape of your neck sent sparks down your spine so hot they gave you goosebumps.

With a twist of your shoulders the dress dropped to the floor, leaving you bare from head to toe. Bo's hands were on your skin before the air was, cupping your stomach, fondling your breasts, his nose in your hair.

"Gorgeous," he murmured. "Get over here and sit on Daddy's lap, baby girl."

His fingertips brushed across your skin as he skirted around you to settle on the couch. You sat in his lap, leaned back against his chest as he hooked your legs over his knees, opening you up, exposed and vulnerable. You cast a glance to your right where you could see yourself in the reflection of the windows overlooking the backyard, curved against his body, Bo gazing smug and sultry back at you.

"'S a mighty fine view, darlin'." His gaze moved over your body like probing fingers, curious and hungry. "Hope someone out there's peekin' in to see it."

He cupped your breasts, rolling each nipple between his thumb and forefinger. You moaned, heat throbbing in your core in time with his ministrations. His lips grazed the slope of your neck, his chin parked on your shoulder.

"Pretty thing." He drew his fingertip in a line from your navel down to the top of your slit and back. Your skin hummed. "Can y'touch yourself for me?"

Without hesitation, you parted your lips and brushed your clit with two fingers. "Like this?" Your voice was breathy and higher than normal already.

"Just like that," he crooned. "Such a good girl." Your hips bucked against your own hand and you let out a choked, needy sound. You could feel him getting hard beneath your ass. "Who d'you belong to, angel?"

"You." His grip tightened on the flesh of your thigh. "You, Daddy."

"That's right." He caressed the crevice of your hip. Your brow furrowed as you felt his finger push into your slick hole with little resistance. "So tight, sweetness, how'm I gonna fit?"

"You'll fit," you breathed, rubbing tight circles around that most sensitive spot.

"You sure?" He squeezed in a second finger and you whined. "Think I might have to make you cum a few more times, getcha to relax a little bit."

"Whatever you want," you mumbled, bearing down on his fingers, gasping as he stroked your insides.

"Look at you bein' so good for me."

He swept the unoccupied fingers of his other hand across your mouth and you opened to admit his first two fingers, sucking on them with desperation, your head cradled in the hollow of his shoulder. You closed your eyes and moaned long, pulsing deliciously around him.

"Goddamn, baby. Someone better fuck you quick."

You made a pleading sound, mind fragmented between sensations, your own hand moving erratically across your clit in the face of his slow and steady rhythm. You could feel the ebb and flow of pleasure inside you tilting ever so gradually upward, felt yourself clenching just a little tighter, let out a pitiful, indignant whine when he pulled out of you.

"Aww, c'mon now, darlin'. I'd just rather y'cum on my cock, that's all." He withdrew his fingers from your mouth with a wet pop. "Lay down and keep yourself warm for Daddy, how 'bout that?" he whispered in your ear.

You reclined on the couch, teasing your sensitive clit as you watched him undress. He wrapped one hand around his erection. "Y'see what you do to me, baby girl?"

He bent low and kissed your forehead, laid his hand over yours and applied just enough pressure that you squeaked with overstimulation. "You trust me?"

"Yes," you said without hesitation.

The corner of his mouth quirked upwards. "Hold still."

He braced himself on the back of the couch, bent over you and reached down between the couch and the end table. You heard a jingling sound as he fished up a pair of leather cuffs, lined with suede and attached to a restraint system apparently running underneath the couch.

Your mouth fell open. "Bo!"

"Yes dear."

"Has that been there the whole time?!"

"Yeah, 's where it goes." You laughed, shocked. "Okay if I strap you in?"

"Absolutely." You were thrilled.

"Y'sure?"

"I'm sure."

Bo looked delighted. "Gimme your hand, angel." He kissed your knuckles before buckling the cuff around your wrist. "Too tight?"

"No, just snug."

"Perfect." He took your other hand, sucked your fingers clean of your arousal, kissed your palm, and secured your wrist. You gave them an experimental jerk. They were fastened firmly above your head so your hands rested on the arm of the couch.

"Now you want me to turn you loose, the word's crossbow, alright? I'll stop what I'm doin' and get you right out."

"Okay."

His gaze raked down your supine form and he licked his lips. "Goddamn, I'm a lucky man."

You tugged against the restraints, arched your back. The feeling of being at his mercy coalesced right between your legs. His fingers trailed down your throat, over one breast, across your stomach. His eyes were hungry and his hand stroked his cock almost absentmindedly.

"Gonna be so good to you, darlin'. My baby girl."

Bo sat at your feet, lifted your leg, kissing your ankle, up your calf, along the inside of your thigh, sucking at your skin til it left a mark. His tongue licked a wide stripe up your slit, made you quiver. You squirmed, gasping, pulling against the cuffs as his fingertips trailed ticklish over your skin.

He climbed on top of you, heavy and hot, kissing his way up your body. He lined himself up with your entrance and smiled a crooked smile down at you, eyes alight, before pushing into you slowly, so slowly, with a gentle kind of force, inch after blessed inch.

Your head rolled back and a vocal sigh slipped from your mouth as he filled you at last the way you'd craved all night. "Oh, Bo."

He groaned in your ear, his hands curled behind your shoulders for leverage. "Baby girl."

He rolled his hips and sent a wave of pleasure surging through you. With his full weight on top of you and your wrists immobile above your head, there was nothing you could do but accept each languorous thrust. You felt used in the best way, helpless, all his.

He fucked you slow, the swell of him inside you mesmerizing, every inch of his body pressed against yours, every tiny sound you made delivered straight to his ears.

You wanted to touch him so badly, wanted to stroke his hair and scrape your nails down his back. All you had at your disposal was your voice. He usually had the sweet-talking handled, but through the steady-thickening film of pleasure weaving around your brain, you decided to give it your best shot.

You nuzzled your lips to his ear and whispered, "You feel so good, Daddy…am I being good for you?"

His grip on your shoulders tightened. "Shit, baby, you're bein' so good."

"Do you like my pussy?"

He groaned. "I love your pussy, baby girl." His pace picked up, his thrusts gaining the slightest edge of desperation.

Your tongue grazed his jaw. "Are you going to cum for me, Daddy?"

Bo grunted, his nails digging into your skin, cock bottoming out again and again. "Y'want me to cum for you?"

"Please," you begged softly. "Please fill me up, please cum inside me, please Daddy I need you so bad - "

Bo choked out a whine, hips heaving, head snapping back, whole body taut and shuddering. You craned your neck to kiss and suck at his throat, the vibration of his waning moans satisfying against your lips.

When his baby blues opened they were glazed and staring. "...I'll be damned," he managed.

You grinned at him, pleased with yourself. "Was that okay?"

"I think you know the answer to that." He rested his forehead against yours.

"Better than your hand, maybe?"

He chuckled breathlessly. "A thousand times, darlin'." He kissed you, swept his thumb across your cheek. "I'm gonna let your hands loose but you ain't gettin' me outta that pussy anytime soon."

"Fine with me."

He unfastened the cuffs expertly with one hand and examined your skin. "Hurt at all?" You shook your head and he kissed the inside of each wrist. "Didn't faze you in the slightest. In fact, I think it riled you right up."

"Oh, it riled someone up." You took his face in your hands and kissed him. "Next time, the dungeon?"

"Next time, I'm gonna strap you to the bed and tease you for a good long while."

"You've got these under the bed too?"

"Of course I do." He gave you a sly look. "There's a lot under that bed, baby girl."

You brushed a few wayward strands of his hair back off his brow, combed your fingers through it to loosen the gel. "Show me."

"It'd be my pleasure."

"Show me right now?"

He laughed. "Alright, gimme a minute. I need a cigarette and a lil bourbon and then I'll show you what good girls get."

"Wait, don't go yet." You clung to him with all four limbs.

"Needy little thing, ain'tcha," he said affectionately. "'M not goin' anywhere without you." He bumped his nose against yours and worked his way onto his side. He slipped out of you in the process and you grimaced.

"Eh, cum comes out," he said dismissively. He tucked a blanket around you both, tangled his legs together with yours and cuddled you to his chest.

You frowned thoughtfully, drawing shapes on his skin with your fingertip. "Bo, what happens at the end of the summer?"

"Well then it's fall, baby girl, you ain't that little."

You rolled your eyes. "Not what I meant."

He smiled grimly. "You're gonna go back to college is what."

"And I won't see you anymore…."

Bo let out a long, quiet sigh through his nose. "I s'pose that's up to you, darlin'."

"Would you let me come visit on the weekends?"

"If that's what y'want, absolutely. I'd even come see you sometimes if y'let me."

You stroked the scar on his chin. "What do you want?"

His eyes clouded with some complex blend of emotions you didn't think you could coax out of him no matter how hard you tried. His face was so close to yours, you could see the flecks of darker gray that interrupted the pale blue iris.

"Don't matter what I want," he said. "You got a lotta options, baby girl. Bradley from Gulfport ain't one of 'em - " You snorted and he cracked a smile. "But besides his sorry ass, sky's the limit. Whatever you want." His smile faded around the edges. "Far be it from me to take anythin' from you."

You furrowed your brow. "You're not, Bo, you're not…taking anything from me. You're so good to me. You make me happy."

Something softened in his expression. "'S good to hear that, darlin', that's all I really want."

"Just because I'm leaving, it doesn't mean I'm leaving you. I mean, as long as you…still want me. If you don't, I mean, that would be…fine." What had started as a summer fling had somehow, so quickly, become something else, at least to you. You wondered suddenly if he felt the same.

It must have been evident in your face because he ran his thumb over your lip. "Hey. I want you more'n anything." He hesitated, suddenly uncomfortable. "You make me happier than I have any right to be, darlin' , don't you ever doubt that."

You murmured his name against his thumb, squeezed him tightly.

He tucked his finger beneath your chin and looked at you seriously. "But I need you to listen to what I'm sayin', because it's gotta be said. If you meet some fine young man or a nice young lady, and you wanna hold their hand at the movies or whatever, you don't have to feel guilty about it. You don't even have to give me a second thought, you just don't show up on my doorstep some weekend and I'll figure it out. You deserve - "

He faltered, like he was suddenly conscious of the words he was saying, of how many he'd already said. "You deserve the world, darlin', and it don't matter who gives it to you so long as somebody does. Maybe it's not me. But it better be somebody."

You gazed at him for a long time. "Are you done?"

He scowled. "You ain't listenin' to me."

"Bo."

"I need you to - "

"Bo, listen to me."

"Excuse me, I am talking."

"Beauregard."

"Don't you Beauregard me, missy, I'll leave marks on that ass."

"Bo, please!"

He gave you a look fraught with attitude, lips pursed. "Go'n then, it better be good."

You touched his face. "I just want you."

"Baby girl…." There was a desperation in his voice. "I don't know how to tell you that you don't."

You shook your head. "You're not gonna change my mind. I just want you."

He leaned his forehead against yours and sighed, frustrated.

"I get your point," you said. "I understand. I promise I won't deprive myself of this magical college experience you think exists. But I'm going to be comparing everyone to you, and they're going to fall short every time."

Bo said nothing. You could almost hear the war in his mind playing out, the clash of his desires against his better judgment, against whatever burden he held onto that made him think he was somehow not enough for you.

You rubbed the stubble of his five o'clock shadow with your thumb. "Let me come see you on the weekends," you said. "Or you can come to me. Or we can meet halfway in some shitty motel and pretend we don't know each other."

He acquiesced a small smile. "Sounds like my kinda date."

You grinned at him. "And if I meet someone else I can at least afford you the courtesy of a text, everything doesn't have to be so dramatic all the time."

He snorted. "Well I hope y'don't mind me sayin' I hope I never get that text."

"You won't." You kissed him. "Now go smoke or whatever, you owe me like five orgasms for that conversation."

Bo laughed. "What conversation? You ain't heard a word I said."

"Go!"

"Well you gotta let me up first, baby girl."

You rolled to the side and he rolled back on top of you. You stared up at him, memorizing the lines in his face, around his eyes, how his lips curved. It made you ache, the way he looked and the way he looked at you.

"Y'know what you mean to me, darlin'?" he said.

You put your hands on his chest. "What?"

Bo smiled, almost wistful.

"Everything."

Taglist at the bottom bc this is a monster post already: @vincent-sinclair-deserved-better, @slutforguts, @brandnewhuman, @fluffy-little-demon, @cypressnmarigolds, @slasherlouvre , @g0thl3zz, @frankiethedarkangel, @mad-girl-without-a-box, @likeacidrainn, @thatoneidiotlol. If you’d like to be added to the taglist, let me know!

#bo sinclair x reader #dilf bo sinclair #bo sinclair #slasher x reader #my writing #god they just keep getting longer besties #no one can stop me so don't even try

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opinated-user · 3 years ago

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I said it was slightly problematic at worst, but that’s because it is. You’re completely neglecting to look at what Lily actually did. She made a few jokes at the expense of weebs, which is a mockery of anime fans, not Japanese people. She made a remark about how it was weird to call ramen noodles as such, since that’s really no different than calling something like rigatoni “rigotani” instead of just “noodles”. She supposedly read and liked a book with racist stuff in it, but that’s not something with any evidence to it. To say what she actually did was racist or even bad could only come from arriving at a conclusion before seeing what actually happened.

I said that “at worst” statement before any evidence of her fetishizing black women was brought in, and I’m writing this before any evidence was brought in because it doesn’t actually exist. However I am sorry that I didn’t clarify I wasn’t talking about her supposedly fetishizing black women in that statement, I should’ve clarified more. Unlike their other accusations, saying Lily’s fetishizing black women is an extreme and broad accusation and to take them at their word without any actual quotes or clips or any actual reason to believe Lily did anything wrong would be immoral. What they gave wasn’t evidence, it was a testimony that doesn’t come close to aligning with reality. If Lily actually was fetishizing black women I’d completely agree, but she isn’t.

I don’t dismiss the proof unless it’s completely incongruous with reality. Saying someone did a thing isn’t evidence, it’s a statement that should be followed by evidence. Also I already knew about most of what she was talking about, and those which I didn’t are things I looked for proof on and asked for actual proof on. Given that whenever I did ask for actual proof they said “find it yourself” (which you can’t because the proof isn’t real), I’d say it was justified for me to not always take them at their word.

Finally, I should add one extremely important addendum. In her video on internet stalking, she mentions she’s been involved in some horrible takes in the past and holds nothing against people who remain angry with her because of them. Speaking as a non binary person myself, I found it alienating when she said “non binary people are, by their very definition interesting, and you (Rebecca Sugar) managed to make that boring.” since it treated enby identities as this fascinating and alien thing rather than just a normal thing people can be. I’m not angry with her about that, but I certainly wouldn’t blame anyone who was angry at things she’s actually said and done. Lily’s said some bad things, I’m not denying that, but what happened here had nothing to do with anything Lily actually said. It had to do with people wanting her to be the bad guy and finding every excuse to paint her as such. Everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt, and she deserves better than the rumors so many people propagate.

LO is a predator with multiple allegations of sexual misconduct that include, but it's not limited to:

-catfishing in order to coerce someone into sexual activity under false pretenses.

-getting nudes of a person without their informed consent.

-threatening to publish revenge porn.

-openly cheating an ex.

-pushing against the boundaries of her ex to do sexual art for her.

-taking advantage of a mentally ill disabled artist to make more sexual art of her.

-make a whole smear campaign about said artist when they came out about the situation.

-flashing on YouTube not one, not two, but three times. the first time wasn't even age restricted. the last time MO joined in.

-try to expose herself in front of a friend who didn't want that.

-seeking to invite a fan into her house to have sexual relations during a stream.

-not tagging lewd or NSFW content on her blog, where she knows minors follow her because they tell her, only after a lot of people asking her over and over to do so.

-sexualizing Ace characters specifically with non human creatures.

-sexualize shows meants for children with no warning, tagging or age restriction.

-expose her audience constantly to her incest fetish without warning.

-treating black women as "exotic zoo animals" and then dismiss it entirely in order to pain herself as the victim of the black people who expressed those feelings.

i'm sure there's more but this is what i thought off the top of my head.

if this was just one person i'be skeptical. but not when two of them have been presenting screenshots of what they went through with LO for years now, having zero previous relationship between each other, and the other LO is desperate to smear with a new awful claim that contradicts everything she said before, wishing death upon her in public.

i can't on good conscience chalked it up to a coincidence. not after seeing myself the way LO constantly crosses boundaries, abuses her audience and dismisses even the most valid complaint about her attitude with the ease of someone that is used to make excuses for themselves. you might feel comfortable dismissing entirely such claims without bothering to do proper research. i'm not.

if you came to know about LO and think the only reason we have these blogs is because of her bad takes and that you're going to help her defending her ignorant remarks, you'll be severely dissapointed and she won't appreciate whatever is that you're attempting here.

#lily orchard #lily orchard is a predator

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wlwcarries · 4 years ago

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i'm becoming more and more convinced that charlie's dms are real. i’m going to give you guys the evidence there is so far, for you all to make your own conclusions. personally, as much as i hate to say it, i think the dms are real.

i want to preface this by saying that i hoped as much as everyone else that the screenshots were fake. i honestly debated even posting about it at this point because everyone seems to have made their peace that they’re fabricated and moved on, and i don’t want to start or rehash anything. i promise you, i hated making this post as much as you guys are probably going to hate reading this. but i feel like we as a fandom deserve to know and address the truth, and choosing to ignore this will only do more harm than good.

there are two tiktoks showing proof of the messages: here and here

it’s pretty clear imo that charlie sent those messages in that group chat. there’s publicly available information proving a lot of what i’m going to talk about, but i’m not going to expose anyone especially since a lot of the people involved are minors. if you want to talk more about it, feel free to dm me but i’m not going to post anything publicly beyond those tiktoks.

so yeah. charlie talked about smut in a group chat with at least one confirmed minor as far as we know. in the screenshot you can see that someone explained what smut was to him, and then he continued on talking about the explicit fic.

i know that a lot of us on here, myself included, love to harp on l*lex shippers, and while the racism involved with the ship should by no means pushed aside that's also not my biggest concern at the moment. a lot of these people are young teenage girls and there’s a clear power imbalance involved. they’re fans, and he’s an adult man who they look up to. yes, they shouldn’t have sent the fic to him in the first place, but charlie’s an adult and should have known better than to encourage this. this is on him. he really can’t see that interacting and talking about sexually explicit material with minors isn’t alright??? is he that scared of his fans turning on him if he doesn’t act like he’s their close personal friend???

he needs to realize that he’s not going to lose his fanbase if he establishes boundaries with them. honestly, there’s more of a chance that he’ll lose them if he doesn’t establish boundaries. other people said this better than me (i’d like to link chloe @willexx’s post here which makes a lot of really important points regarding this as well as discussing madi, and this post by @reggieshairflip which goes really in depth into a lot of great points), but this is really concerning.

i also went on twitter last night to see what people were saying on there, and i’m beyond words. the majority of the commentary seems to be along the lines of “protect charlie from the smut!!”

y’all. charlie isn’t the one who needs protecting. regardless of the legal situation, if he wants to read fanfic he’s gonna find ways to read it. he’s a grown man, he’ll be fine. that’s so far removed from the actual point, i don’t know how else to explain it. charlie will be fine. we don’t have to be worried about him.

maybe people should focus on the fact that he’s talking about smut in a group chat with minors on it? like first off, don't be in a group chat with fans of your show, but especially don't talk about smut with minors, what the fuck. and the fact that he doesn’t even seem to realize the issues with what he’s doing is troubling in and of itself.

charlie has been involved in various other groupchats with fans for a while (this isn’t a new thing by any means), and i will admit that most of those interactions thus far have been innocent and harmless. regardless, the fact that he’s in group chats with fans at all worries me. these people are largely young, teenaged girls who idolize charlie--they’ve practically developed a parasocial relationship with him, and that’s not healthy in the slightest.

he’s not their “bestie,” he’s a celebrity. he keeps up with the innocent and harmless things, and encourages them, but doesn’t establish boundaries--and that’s what leads to people thinking that doing more is okay because he hasn’t said otherwise. people meeting him at the airport at 2am, fans showing up to owen’s house at midnight and then charlie entertaining them. that’s what this kind of behavior leads to, and i fear that it will inevitably lead to much worse in the future. i’m not trying to take blame away from the people who did these things--fans have to respect boundaries, set or not--but as a public figure charlie has a responsibility to set clear lines.

the point of this post is absolutely not to “cancel” him or anything. that wouldn’t be productive at all, and one of my favorite things about the jatp fandom on tumblr is our ability to have actually constructive conversations about things like this. this is tumblr, and i know i’m basically speaking to an echo chamber here-- but i feel this is important enough that it has to be said, even if nobody outside of this site will probably see it.

he needs to be held accountable and made to realize that what he’s doing isn’t okay. i get that this is his first experience being at the center of a large fandom like this, and i understand that he’s probably really excited about all the fans and wants to connect with them as much as possible. but he would do well to take notes from jeremy (and hell, madi, and she’s sixteen and didn’t have any prior acting experience at all), and engage in a healthy, responsible way like they do. i’m not going to speak about owen because i don’t really have much info or knowledge about how he interacts, but this potentially extends to him as well.

this is a really complicated and messy situation, and i get that. feel free to share your thoughts, but please be respectful. sending love to all of you guys rn 💜💜💜

EDIT: TO CLARIFY. i have seen this post making the rounds on twitter. i’m okay with that as long as it’s not a screenshot and the post is directly linked HOWEVER charlie did not straight up send smut to that group chat. they sent him the title, and he looked the fic up and sent the link in the group chat to clarify it was the one they were talking about. he was informed that it was smut, but it wasn’t just him sending the fic unprovoked. everything i said above still applies, he should not have engaged or encouraged the conversation but please don’t spread false information.

#again feel free to message me if you want to talk about it more/if you want further proof #but i'm not about to drop links publicly so please don't ask me to or come into my ask box with that kind of stuff #not sure if this post will show up in the tags bc of the links so i'm trusting y'all to spread this #charlie gillespie #jatp #julie and the phantoms #jatp fandom #jatp discourse #luke patterson #mine #willex #juke #julie molina #alex mercer #reggie peters #owen joyner #jeremy shada #madison reyes

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invinciblerodent · 11 months ago

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I've been thinking about what Iona might think/say about this line, and I think she would think differently from like... 90% of the people who heard this line, myself included lol.

Like, she disagrees, of course- were it up to her, she would have thought that letting the thief run free would have been the best choice, because, well, who cares, really. It was only a thing, and he was doing a job he was hired to do.

Like I'm not sure if it was in Mordenkainen's or another sourcebook, but I know it's mentioned at one point that elves typically don't care nearly as much for material possessions and theft as they care for sentimental items (it's got to do with being so long-lived and communal in general), they moreso pity one who would steal rather than blame them- and Iona herself already has a semi-questionable relationship with private property that's only tampered by her extensive time among humans. (In the trial, she just let Wyll "take the reins". She's not an idiot, she knows what hero-types expect the answer to be, even if she'd naturally disagree.)

But I feel like this line definitely would cause her to raise an eyebrow, because despite all that they have done to get here, and the talk they had over his grave about how the Magistrate he was is dead and buried, that... really sounds less like Astarion, the liar/thief/roguish scoundrel she loves, and more like Astarion, the Magistrate who ruled so cruelly that it cost him his life. So it kind of... slots into the empty space of the last missing puzzle piece in her head, which is the why of how he even got into his situation in the first place.

Like sure, he's said that he made an "unfavorable ruling" that the Gur didn't like, which is why he was beat and subsequently turned, but she had no idea what that could have been.... and at the same time, she didn't really care, about "Magistrate Ancunín". (It's been two centuries. She might not like this glimpse into who he once was, but as far as she's concerned, he's very clearly not the same person anymore- she saw it when they joined minds, she knows it because she knows the man he is now, and, at the same time, doesn't care much about the past. All that ruling is at this point in time is a line in an ancient record somewhere, and a stain on is his conscience- which, why'd it matter to her? Her own conscience is stained by far more immediate -and potentially more harmful- things, things that happened in a past that isn't even that far behind them, and he doesn't care, why should she?)

.... Though I do wonder what he'd say/think if later at rest, during their little nightly "together-time" when they're done with their trance but everyone is still asleep, she idly mentioned that she's been thinking about his words.

I think he'd get defensive, and insist that no, he does believe he's right, even as the seed that he actually doesn't now that he thinks about it, is planted. And knowing Iona, she wouldn't even try to correct/lecture him about it (not only is that not her style, telling him that he's wrong is also counterproductive as hell in getting Astarion specifically to see a dissenting point), but maybe she'd just coax him to lay back down onto her chest, and as the conversation winds down and he relaxes with his ear against her heartbeat once more, she'd just softly say something like "I hope the gods don't think the same, once our time comes".

And while her intention is not to change him or make him think like her, I think that's probably all he'd need to start questioning where that thought came from, realize what part of him was/is it that believes that on his own, and reach a conclusion that's more in line with the person he is now and the one he wants to be in the future.

(I love how she goes from being openly and intentionally manipulative, to now just... gently reminding her boyfriend once in a while that he can actually think before he speaks now, lol.)

Yeah, I...

I have absolutely zero doubt in my mind that there's a very good reason this man was beaten within an inch of his life based on a ruling he made as magistrate.

Astarion, darling, sweetie pie, love of my life, my sweetest, most darling little pookie bear with sugar and a cherry on top, what the ever-loving, super-sized, finger-lickin', country-fried McFuck is wrong with you (affectionate)

haven't you personally expressed feelings of guilt (their validity being subject for philosophical debate i don't have time to go into now) over dooming people in numbers upwards of a thousand to what you had thought was death, but later on it turned out to be a fate potentially worse than death. have you not personally yelled at the Gur leader because she got upset over us sparing the 7k spawn. have you learned absolutely fucking nothing, my sweet sweet angel boy.

god I love you and the odd turns your poor little brain takes sometimes as it reacquaints itself with the idea of being a person, rather than a survival-machine.

(it's also really fun how sometimes thoughts that could be attributed to the "living" Astarion pop up- because I'm guessing this is one of those, and he's kind of... well. He hasn't been allowed to use his own brain much since he became a vampire, so it's understandable why, now that he's free, his brain would sort of revert to the last thing it knows- which is punitive justice.)

(I definitely know that having Magistrate Ancunín pass judgement on you would have definitely been one of the less desirable outcomes of any legal squabble in Baldur's Gate two centuries ago. I know Iona is sort of letting these drift by her ear for now, putting the thought aside to be dissected later, lol. She'd rather more like to speak to the soft Astarion cuddling into her chest at night about this, please and thank you.)

#squirrel plays bg3 #oc: iona raedir #basically.....#astarion: *says fucked up thing*#iona: that's cool babe! it'd be kinda fucked if it happened to us though lol #astarion: *....quietly reassesses worldview*

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ayameyumesaki · 3 years ago

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Tokyo Babylon - CLAMP Premium Collection - Commentary Part 9

Previous Part First Part Next Part

Finally after some painstaking days of postponing this, we finally arrived on the last commentary for volume 3 ;w;

We're continuing Call B. If anyone remember, the last time, I cut it off after Subaru searched the girls' addresses but ended up helping them by attacking the unrest spirits which possibly would endanger his own life. They then discussed and reached a conclusion that the girls were currently receiving their punishment, or sakanagi. It ended with Seishiro looking at the ritual altar (idk what to call that) suspiciously and when Hokuto asked about it, he said he was thinking something pervert lol

Then, we went back to the girls.

The first girl, this one above, was the one with predictive dream ability when she was introduced in Call A. Her mother was complaining about her behavior for spending so much time on phone and made their billing high, but she was thinking about what happened the day before.

The other girls, however, weren't thinking the same. The girl with glasses was cutting her lunch to save money to buy telephone card because her mother complained, saying what's wrong with the bill going over 100,000 yen if she is the one who will save them in the future, and concluded that she isn't the same as everyone. Girlie, 100,000 yen is a lot of money.

While the last girl, similar to the girl with glasses, was writing what I assumed to be the new spell during class and got scolded by her teacher. She then convinced herself that she is special.

We moved back to Subaru's house, where he was bedridden due to a fever and Seishiro came for a visit. When they heard a bell, Hokuto told Subaru to "stay put in the bed or she will pretend to be Subaru and made pranks here and there" 🤧 I would like you to do that Hokuto.

Hokuto revealed that Subaru actually had a slight fever. She then welcomed Seishiro in and he brought them cakes from Tops. Look at how cute Hokuto's clothes and her buns 😭 probably one of the cutest (and most normal) outfit she wore in this series. She told Seishiro to go to Subaru's room.

Seishiro came and apologized to Subaru for pushing him for a date in Ikebukuro, which caused him to get sick. Subaru said it's not like that and he actually had fun, and this one triangle said "I'm really happy that you told me that" and Subaru goes all blushy.

However, it's actually a pretty normal phrase Seishiro used there. Just a polite consolation phrase. At least, I won't tell my friend, or even my crush, that if he/she gets sick because we hanged out the other day and he/she told me it's fun, I would blame myself for not noticing him/her being under the weather. What do you think about this?

Okay, skip skip, Hokuto told Seishiro that Subaru still wants to call Dial Q2 that day. Subaru said since the spirits appeared vividly to them, something bad would happen. He is racing with the time (which means if he didn't make an effort to stop them/exorcise them faster, the girls' heart couldn't be saved, which is mentioned earlier).

But of course, Subaru was still sick and forcing himself will harm him further instead. Thus Subaru told her:

Hokuto-chan, this is a job. I'm doing this job and receiving the money. Thus I want to do this job properly.

So, basically, Subaru here said something that's explaining why he went so far, so dedicated with his job. Subaru himself probably didn't become an onmyoji to receive the money, but since he has no other choice, since onmyoji itself is a profession and received money for his service is only right, he told himself that he should do it properly. A mindset for anyone who work in service line. If one asked for your service, you should pay them equal to the amount given to you.

But let's think about it. The request given to him was to find out who is the prankster of the party line AND it didn't include him to actually taking care of it. The reason why Subaru was this persistent was because it's involving someone's life. Hokuto here basically told his brother to think about himself, who wasn't in the condition to think about his job. Sure enough, now he already got their addresses, Subaru could just give the address to NTT and let them solve the problem.

But instead, Subaru shut Hokuto off with the very reason that she wouldn't be able to refute, especially when it comes to the basic of his profession. To someone like Subaru, if someone asked for his assistance, then he should see it until it ends. Until the case closed. That's the service he provided to his clients. And these girls were in danger. In the end of the day, all Subaru wanted was to let these girls safe mentally, thus he needed to convince Hokuto that ensuring the safety of the girls is also a part of his job. He knew his sister can do everything to stop him, after all. Subaru wasn't that black and white character---he knew what's right and wrong, and using money as his excuse probably didn't dwell with himself as well but that's an effective way to convince Hokuto.

Then, was Hokuto convinced?

Yes. Because she saw the determination in Subaru's eyes to save the girls. She then sighed and told him "Subaru is a professional. Work hard for the money you get!". She knew that Subaru is doing this for his own selfish, but she also understood that Subaru is also that dedicated to his job. Thus, she supported her.

After this, Subaru called the number again and the first girl, who said she was scared of what happened the night before, received the call. She said the spirits attacked again and Subaru convinced her that he can make it disappear. She asked if he is a part of their warrior thingy, if he is their friend, and if he is special.

I'm not.

To be honest, Subaru's answer is more like "it's different" and he didn't directly say "no" as in iie, but chigaimasu. This is also a perfectly normal answer in Japanese, but it's implying that what you are saying aren't wrong either, but that's not it. Unlike in chapter Dream, where he seemed to have trouble accepting that he is not like anyone else, here, he implied that he is different, but not the one they mean as well. Means, our boy is growing up accepting himself 😭 This is probably my delusion but anyway

(Surprise boy, 9 years later, you are one of those special beings who will decide the fate of the world :D)

He then told her that her ofuda is wrong, thus he wanted her to take it off. He then assured her that she will be safe, and she tore the ofuda down. The spirits went to attack her and Subaru began his exorcism but the other girls attacked at Subaru instead. I will write this part simple: Subaru held the attacks with his kekkai and it still got through but anyway, he finished the exorcism with one girl and passed out.

The next part? The best part.

We saw Hokuto frantically runs in panic to his brother and then SEI-CHAN!? Opening his glasses?????

I don't even bother to put them together because oh my god, MISTER SUSPICIOUS FINALLY SHOWED HIS FANGS??? SAKURAZUKAMORI IN ACTION??? His line here, "how about we end this?" while holding that tantou??? He spoke with such a smug in his face and honestly, that panel is so powerful.

And then what happened next?

Seishiro: No matter how much you are going to say stupid things and bother other people, it doesn't matter to me and I'm not interested at all. But whoever hurts Subaru-kun is unforgiven.

Cough

The girls attacked Seishiro and told him that they are special. Seishiro asked them "what's the value of being special?". He then reflected the attacks (probably with curse reflector) and told them "I'm not as kind as Subaru-kun, so I won't accept the attacks as it is". They then got into a debate about the pros of being special, and Seishiro goes with:

Seishiro: I think you are mistaken. The most admirable person in the world is the one who put their foot on the ground and doing their best living their usual live every day. Waking up early everyday, going to school everyday, working everyday, crying, laughing, doubting, suffering, doing their best living a "reality". If you are laughing at those normal people, then, can you live the same life as those normal people?

This panel! Let's go back to our main character a little bit.

Throughout these two chapters, you see, Seishiro is learning about Subaru. He saw how busy Subaru, he learned how dedicated himself to his work, and he learned that despite his ability, he is pretty much just like normal human who goes to work and doing his everything devoting himself to that. This panel reflected what Subaru did. To Subaru, helping someone else through his work is normal, and yes, while everyone is living a different life, if that's what they did regularly, then it's normal for them. It's what he means by doing their best living a "reality".

And Seishiro also said it, "if you laugh at those who lives a normal life, can you live like them?". Every person has their own life, every person has their own activities, every person has their own problems. The girls thought they are special by themselves and no one justified it.

This is a nice punch to the problem, and I love how Seishiro summed what happened in this chapter in one connected page.

Let's continue. This man told them if they wanted to be special that much, then he will help them. By giving them illusions and killing their mental? Well well. The two girls fought Seishiro turned crazy, while the girl Subaru saved was still sane and cried in her mother's hug.

Then, Seishiro picked Subaru up and complained, saying "Good grief, it was a spell which you can deflect easily, and you choose to receive it as it is in your sick condition. Is it reckless, or thoughtless." Yes you should say it to his face. He then continue with "if something happened to you in such work, Hokuto-chan will cry."

Seishiro: Also, the "bet" you made with me hasn't ended yet, Subaru-kun.

Did this man really drop Subaru to the ground again and caressed his face with Subaru's hand???? Did he really do that?? You hand fetish man.

Anyway, the next day.

Subaru told Hokuto and Seishiro about what happened to the girls. Two of them had their mental broken, thus they were admitted to the hospital. The last girl, the one Subaru saved, kept talking about nonsense so she was treated by psychiatrist. Subaru then said, in the end, he couldn't do anything and as long as they received the understanding from their family, it can be healed. But their future will be troubled.

Seishiro then added that Japan isn't a country who has a deep understanding to mental health like America.

Subaru turned sad and as Hokuto saw this, she slapped Subaru's cheeks and said:

Hokuto: Subaru, this incident is also work-related, right? Then, you should store it as a data and forget it. If you keep worrying this things and made a mistake in your next job, that's not a professional.

The best thing of this manga is still Hokuto's existence in Subaru's life ;;; look at how cute he smiled at his sister who consoled him. Damn, I need to prepare myself to future chapters ;;;

And thus, the chapter ended with Hokuto wondering why she fell asleep suddenly and Seishiro, as usual, evaded the question.

That's it for volume 3!

What do you think about it? I think, this volume is important to show Subaru's personality as a whole and it's fun to think a lot of things about him. One thing for sure, Subaru himself is never a white character; he isn't that naive as well and knows that he makes mistakes. But he will also dwell on that mistake a lot, on how powerless him in many situations, but he is also powerful in the same time.

Thus, I will end this time's commentary here and continue to read the last three volumes. Pray that I won't throw the book right away as it just arrived.

#anyway did anyone noticed subaru's pajama is dinosaur-pattern??#subaru is the cutest when he did things unnoticed ;;#tokyo babylon #clamp premium collection #sumeragi subaru #sakurazuka seishirou #sumeragi hokuto

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shihalyfie · 4 years ago

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Adventure, 02, pragmatism, and humanism (morality of fighting, conflict resolution, the importance of personal choice, etc.)

Adventure and 02 are naturally very idealistic series, but despite being idealistic, there are times when they can get rather pragmatic -- even uncomfortably pragmatic in ways that seem a bit unusual for a kids’ show. The entire last quarter of Adventure and almost all of 02 dealt so heavily with the topic of “is it okay to fight, even if it means incurring deaths?" to the point it’s pretty hard to miss, but both series have an approach towards the morality of fighting, the possibility of potentially having to kill enemies (including former friends that have turned antagonistic), the approach to dispute resolution, and the meanings of “moving forward positively” and “not getting hung up on needless negativity” that are surprisingly nuanced. At times, there’s even a strong message that warns against getting hung up on preachy principles that sound noble on their face but actually don’t get anywhere in practice.

This is a handful of topics, and it’s to the point where it may seem a bit strange to condense all of these under one meta instead of dedicating separate posts to it, but I decided to on the grounds of the fact that they’re all very tied to each other in the course of Adventure’s narrative. Overall, both series are very kind to the feelings and mentalities and thoughts of the young children involved, having the characters not only be kind towards each other but also encouraging the audience to understand their feelings. This is an approach towards understanding oneself and others that happens to be very applicable to life in general, even for adults; both series float a balance of being pragmatic and yet humanistic, kind to the struggles and internal thoughts of all of the characters within, and have a surprisingly nuanced look at what it means to take part in conflict and what the “best thing to do” in such a case is.

As said above, this is a long and complicated meta, and it’s to the point where I’ve considered separating it into multiple parts or posts, but in the end could never bring myself to because of how interrelated all of these topics keep ending up with each other. So, to spare those of you who are intimidated by the sheer length and winding-topic nature of this, here are the main points:

One who is not emotionally ready to fight, or is unwilling to fight, should not be forced to fight. On top of it being inhumane, emotional exhaustion is treated much in a way similar to physical exhaustion; especially in a world where fighting strength is linked to emotional will, one whose heart is not in it will not even be able to effectively fight in the first place. Even when joining the fight is the obvious ideal solution, one who needs to sit out should not be blamed or scorned for it. A choice to fight is exactly that, a choice, not an obligation; the world is messy and imperfect, and the most you can do is try to do whatever you can within the best of your ability. If you do, there is no reason you should be scorned for it.

There are many meaningful ways to contribute to the overall fight that don’t necessarily involve direct physical violence; those ways are still valuable and necessary, and those more attuned to those roles should embrace those roles if it makes them more comfortable to do it that way.

If an extreme result -- such as killing the enemy -- is reached, it needs to be done with the first and foremost priority being to protect people and prevent casualties. A diligent effort should still be made to preserve as many lives as possible (which means this isn’t something where you get to go all “knight templar” and beeline for a violent solution) -- but sometimes, there will be times when push comes to shove and that most extreme solution will have to be reached, even if that “enemy” was originally a friend, because inaction will very obviously lead to more people being hurt.

When a dispute about important points like the above is reached, everyone’s feelings must be acknowledged. This is not to be confused with philandering around with a “both sides have a point!” compromise; in fact, Adventure and 02 both make very firm stances on the above issues. Rather, it makes it clear that said points need to be made while not invalidating the other person for having those feelings -- that is to say, there’s a huge difference between “your opinion is wrong” and “you are stupid and unreasonable for having that wrong opinion.” Dispute resolution and understandings can only be reached when you properly understand why the other person came to that conclusion, and treat them with proper empathy and compassion while you try to work it out. You don’t have to acknowledge their point, but you have to acknowledge their feelings. (For those of you who have seen Appmon: Shinkai Haru is a master at this technique, and there are multiple times during the series where he will very assertively make his case against others while still appealing to the other person’s feelings and never denying their right to have them. This is also an extremely useful technique for dispute resolution in general, and I recommend that those reading this consider employing it more often, at least assuming you’re dealing with someone who’s open to listening.) Likewise, to truly reach out to someone and support them also requires understanding their feelings -- you can’t truly “support” them unless you’re capable of doing so.

There is a certain limitation in which adhering too closely to “moral principles” ends up becoming impractical, and don’t end up contributing to anything in the long run -- fixating over things like grudges, revenge, “punishing” people, and even the concept of forgiveness can quickly turn into platitudes. The best way to move forward is to not fixate on those principles or get hung up on the past, and rather think “now that we’re at this point at the current moment, what’s the best way to move forward in a way that helps others the most and minimizes harm?”

Adventure and the morality of fighting, and the necessity of personal choice

Believe it or not, the question of how feasible pacifiism is was first brought up as early as Adventure episode 12, when Takeru states that he has no intention of fighting Devimon. Elecmon calls this mindset out for the naivete of thinking they can just waltz up to Devimon and ask for answers instead of him trying to murder them on the spot -- and, in fact, he is completely right, because Devimon is not someone who can be reasoned with and indeed immediately tries to murder everyone on the spot one episode later, which results in Angemon’s death and Takeru trading out this very idealistic, naive mindset for the no-compromise, strict anti-darkness stance he takes in 02.

So there are two things to get out of this. The first is that, while Adventure and 02 are certainly very idealistic series, they are absolutely not naive. There are bad actors out there like Devimon who can’t be reasoned with whatsoever. Already off the bat, we have a clear statement from Adventure that an “everyone should stop fighting and get along!” mindset, when applied ad absurdum, is not going to get anyone very far.

The second is that none of the Adventure (or 02) kids like fighting. Takeru’s reaction here is certainly as extreme as it is because the idea of “fighting” presumably triggers his trauma from his parents’ divorce and the resulting split, but there’s no actual indication that any of these kids are necessarily fond of it. Certain ones like Taichi might get a little cocky midway through the battle when they’ve gotten it in the bag and are on an adrenaline high, but there’s also no indication that they’re interested in beating stuff up for the sake of it. Note that all of the fighting in Adventure episodes 1-10 was done out of sheer self-defense, and no Digimon was killed in any of the resulting battles (we’ll assume that the giant Bakemon in episode 11 doesn’t count mainly because it’s already dead) -- it was always fighting to the minimal amount to chase the attacking Digimon away or get them off their back. And, in File Island, that was possible -- but starting from the Server Continent and after, the hostile Digimon were actively out to kill them instead of just being territorial wild Digimon, forcing the Chosen Children to up the ante in order to survive.

The issue of “whether fighting in itself is the right thing to do” is brought back in the Dark Masters arc, and this is also where we start getting a discussion about the disparity between “the right thing to do” and “whether one is capable of doing said right thing to do”. Mimi, the most emotionally sensitive of the group, starts having an emotional breakdown over whether they should keep fighting and potentially drag in more casualties -- especially because the Digimon that had died had all done it for their sake in order to continue the fight, and therefore the Chosen Children are indirectly responsible for their deaths. Yamato thus explains the difficulty of the situation: he himself agrees that Taichi’s evaluation of the need to push forward and continue the fight is the right thing to do, but it’s inhumane to not consider the stress and and emotional toll this is causing and force everyone to continue in spite of that.

In addition, Taichi’s reasoning for why they should continue is “revenge” -- a very negative, spiteful reason very tied to “fighting for the sake of it”. It’s understandable for Taichi to have these feelings, but he’s going at it from the wrong direction, and he’s overall being very insensitive in this scene. Later, in Adventure episode 45, he says that he’s doing it for the sake of honoring the Digimon who died for them. In other words, a lot of the reason Taichi’s methodology isn’t working is that he’s hung up on “the principle of things”, and not the more pragmatic reasons one should fight.

In Adventure episode 45, the kids finally meet the entity who chose them in the first place, who self-identifies as “the one who wishes for stability” -- the novels name them “Homeostasis”. Note the name -- it refers to the maintenance of internal balance within a living system, and Homeostasis themself starts their long infodump with their motive: it’s not that they want to eliminate all darkness from the world entirely, but that the powers of evil are upsetting the balance so badly that everything will be consumed if something isn’t done. It’s not like they’re insistent on violence either -- it’s just that they have a world to protect. The novels give us a particular amount of extra information on this entity, namely that it is not an omnipotent god by any shake of the imagination (in fact, there’s even an implication that there are higher powers that they themself don’t understand), and rather just a mere security system that observed that things were going south and used its rather limited methods of communication (via the Agents) to help make preparations.

Regardless, back to the episode -- we learn that the reason this entity recruited human children into all of this was because of the Hikarigaoka incident in 1995, which displayed to them and the Agents that a bond between children and Digimon could allow Digimon to evolve spontaneously, something that’s not possible with Digimon in the Digital World alone. Oh, and also, that they’ve been wanting to talk to them since File Island, and this entire thing about being cryptic with information was because they literally had no body and there was a massive amount of information loss after the Dark Masters blew up the Agents’ base and killed everyone except Gennai. In other words, just like with all of the actions the Chosen Children had been taking up until this point, everything Homeostasis and the Agents did was out of desperation because they were running out of other options to save their world, and during their brief time of being able to speak with the children, Homeostasis dumps pretty much everything they need to know and speaks to them using the extremely deferential sonkeigo form, meaning that they consider everything the kids are doing to be a massive favor to them. (Contrary to common belief, their possession of Hikari’s body does not seem to be non-consensual, given that they spend multiple episodes trying to contact her, and are clearly depicted having a proper conversation with her before temporarily borrowing her body.)

Most importantly, at the end of their speech, Taichi asks them what to do next, and the response is effectively: “We don’t know, but we trust you to make the best decision.” So, again: fighting as a Chosen Child is not an obligation, but something done because they want to do it and can. They were handed the tools to get this done by Homeostasis and the Agents, who believed in their potential to create miracles and be virtuous people and do something to save their world beyond what the native Digimon could do alone out of desperation and a lack of other options, and they are not hovering over the Chosen Children to see if they’ve “succeeded” or “failed” (note that they seem to have no sense of grudge or disappointment over Taichi’s SkullGreymon stunt in Adventure episode 16, explaining it very neutrally as an example of a risk), but more “we believe you were the best people who were able to do it and we trust your ability to help us.” (This is especially because, while it’s made clear they’d been wanting to contact them for a while, their most direct intervention comes right after Yamato had questioned why they were chosen in the first place -- presumably, they felt that the kids deserved an answer.)

At the end of Adventure episode 45, Mimi, considering the fighting they’re doing to be responsible for all of the fallouts and the sacrifices, decides that she won’t participate anymore, and Jou decides to stay with her in order to convince her to come back (although the novel also reveals that he himself is having doubts, too). Very importantly: nobody begrudges Mimi for being emotionally overwhelmed and sitting out, and nobody even begrudges Jou for choosing to stay with her. This is smack in the middle of the Dark Masters arc when everyone needs all the support they can get -- but after everything that had just happened, it’s inhumane to force either of them forward in this condition.

Despite his doubts, however, Jou himself is already coming to understand the limits of “pacifism” at a time like this:

What he wanted to tell her was this: that he didn’t see any likelihood of co-existing with the Dark Masters, and that they had no other choice but to fight them. Even a neutral country like Switzerland had a military. They would be invaded by enemy countries without one. It would be nice and ideal if they used the nonviolent resistance approach as Ghandi did. But that didn’t mean it was okay to just be killed without lifting a finger… But not even he could find a good answer.

Again: Adventure and 02 are an idealistic series, but they are not naive. It would be nice if the fighting could all stop and everyone would be happy, but there are malicious bad actors who will take advantage of you sitting there and doing nothing.

And so, Leomon dies in Adventure episode 47, and Mimi and Jou learn the hard way: if they do nothing, people will still die. Mimi had witnessed all of the Digimon sacrificing themselves for the Chosen Children’s sake, and thus had followed the logic that their friends would stop dying for them if they stopped fighting, but now that they’ve stopped fighting, said malicious forces (in this case, MetalEtemon) went ahead and killed their friends anyway -- and they’ve gone and destroyed the Village of Beginnings to boot, preventing any of them from being reborn. So in other words, if the intent is to “prevent casualties”, as it turns out, inaction didn’t actually prevent casualties.

Nevertheless, Mimi does not like fighting. In fact, Jou doesn’t like fighting either. Both of them now understand that it’s the best thing to do in this situation, but is it really the best thing to do to force them into embracing violence because of this? Instead, Jou determines in Adventure episode 50 that the overall fight doesn’t necessarily mean that everyone has to jump in and get violent -- the likeable and friendly Mimi has started to cultivate a skill in getting other people to rally behind her, and Jou is starting to consider that he may have a future in treating the wounded and supporting people before they become casualties. Those are still valuable ways they can contribute without forcing them into doing things they can’t bring themselves to do -- and, indeed, Mimi’s rallied army ends up saving everyone’s rears in Adventure episode 52.

While Taichi is not there to personally witness this discussion, Adventure episode 50 has him make a slightly less reckless tactical plan, and he explains (directly citing what happened with Yamato, Mimi, and Jou as his rationale) that he’s learned that he needs to take into account the potential for there being collateral damage. Recall that, earlier, his motive for doing things had been on a sheer principle level, with a lot of negative emotions of spite and revenge. But now, he’s come to understand that the most important thing he needs to do is to “prevent sacrifices”, and that’s the reason they still need to fight. Hence, why Taichi makes a proper plan for doing it instead of just doing the first and most aggressive thing that comes to mind, since he’s a soccer captain and has the potential for being a bird’s eye tactician, after all -- this time, he just needs to channel it in a way that prioritizes the lives of people around them.

And in Adventure episode 51, when reaching out to Sora (who’s cracking under all of her self-imposed expectations and sense of duty to others), Yamato and Jou take what they learned from Homeostasis six episodes prior and apply it -- Sora is working under the mentality that they have an “obligation” to get this done and that they are impending “failures” if they don’t (and, to be fair, if they don’t make it, the world is going to end, which is pretty unambiguously terrible). But what Yamato and Jou do is reframe it to fall more closely under the philosophy of what Adventure is saying here -- the fact they can do something about it is already absolutely incredible. (I mean, not to sugarcoat the fact that the world is still going to end if they pull it off, but the stress, self-hatred, and self-blame of “we’re failures for not pulling it off” is definitely not going to help.) They are doing everything they can right now, within their reasonable abilities. If they end up not being able to do it, that’s not something that should be considered a sin or a failure on their part; they are here because they can and want to and are doing it and are here to make the best possible use of that.

It’s one of the many times Adventure and 02 will make this statement, indirectly or directly: despite the title of “Chosen Child”, the Chosen Children do everything they do because of their own choices, and because they want to, not because they have to.

We finally meet Apocalymon in Adventure episode 53, and we learn that he(?)’s a combined spirit made up of all of the Digimon that were “eliminated” and failed during the evolution process, and is deciding to take out its anger and spite at the world out on everyone else by “denying evolution” (this is clarified in the novel to also be the reason it subtly influenced the prior enemies to destroy everything and especially the Village of Beginnings, because it functionally would put an end to the Digital World’s evolution by reducing it to nothing). So, in the end, we have a contrast between Apocalymon, who’s fighting for the sake of self-centered spite (including wanting to take down everything with it in Adventure episode 54 even when its demise is already clear), and the Chosen Children, who are fighting to protect their loved ones.

Incidentally, we also learn in Adventure episode 53 that there were Chosen Children who put an incomplete seal on Apocalymon prior to the ones in 1999. (Kizuna also introduces Menoa Bellucci, who became a Chosen Child in 1997, and assuming you’re following Adventure’s background doubling-every-year lore, at the time of 1999, there were a whole eight other Chosen Children besides Taichi’s group in existence.) The novels make it clear that the time dilation and distortion was going all the way up until the defeat of Apocalymon, long enough that the partners of those older Chosen were able to evolve to the Holy Beasts (and possibly enough for said older Chosen to get really faded through Digital World history to the point even Gennai doesn’t know about them). So the point here is that in the grand scope of the entirety of Digital World history, Taichi and his friends are not particularly singular existences -- there are people who saved the world before them, and 02 will introduce people all over the world who are going on their own adventures (including the main 02 kids in Tokyo), and, of course, by the time of the 02 epilogue, everyone’s going to have a Digimon partner. Koushirou later observes in Two-and-a-Half Break that there’s nothing special about having a partner in itself.

Does that make Taichi and his friends’ adventure of self-growth and saving a whole two worlds somehow insignificant, just because it’s not particularly unique? No. Because, again, they did this all not because of whether Homeostasis chose them or not, but because all of it was operated by their own will and strength and desire to protect others, all within the restraints of what they could feasibly do and handle, and they are amazing people for pulling that off.

02 and the importance of mutual understanding (and, also, more about the morality of fighting)

Before we proceed onto the 02 analysis, I think it’s important to establish a bit of important context about how 02′s lead protagonist, Daisuke, approaches things, and how it relates to the recurring debates on the morality of fighting throughout the series. In 02 episode 14, we learn that Daisuke was captured at Big Sight during the Odaiba Fog incident, and therefore witnessed, firsthand, the threat of Vamdemon’s lackeys attacking innocent civilians (something that Miyako, who witnessed the self-contained Omegamon vs. Diablomon battle on the Internet, and Iori, who only happened to be on a grounded plane after the Vamdemon fight had already ended, did not quite have anything on the par of). Spring 2003 and the Adventure novels elucidate what was going on in his head at the time: he was frustrated at his inability to protect his loved ones, and wished to have the power to fight the “bad guys” who were threatening everyone.

Remember this for later.

Moving onto 02 itself. 02 is a series about relationships, but, more significantly, it’s a series about the sheer amount of work it takes to maintain relationships, and especially the principle that “maintaining a relationship to another person requires being properly aware and understanding of the other person’s feelings.” One thing that often frustrates me about a lot of media (both kids’ shows and non-kids’ shows) and, well, to be honest, a lot of people in general, is the preaching of supposedly “positive” platitudes that actually go straight into what’s called “toxic positivity” for good reason -- because while it’s ostensibly “positive”, it also denies other people’s feelings, waving away everything negative and going “yeah, well, positivity!” and “optimism!” and “power of friendship!” and all sorts of stuff that are actually dismissive because they’re not showing any real effort to properly understand the other party and acknowledge why they feel this way. Like, sure, you may be telling someone to cheer up, but it also carries an (accidental or otherwise) implication of “you’re irrational and stupid for being upset and you should be smiling all of the time because ~positivity~.”

There is a lot of conflict in 02 -- especially because the theme of the morality of fighting is even more relevant, particularly in the case of the added question of “when the enemy in question is not an unambiguously evil sadist but a former friend in trouble”, and later the question of how someone who’s done horrible things in the past but is clearly making an active effort to make up for it should be treated. Daisuke, 02′s lead protagonist and carrier of a lot of its main themes, is ostensibly a simple-minded idealist, but even his theory of “positivity” and “always moving forward” has a lot of nuance beyond what you would usually see in this kind of anime lingo.

Context is also very important here. Adventure and 02′s stance being about “doing the best you reasonably can in a given situation”, it also means that what might be the best thing to do will change depending on context. 02′s starting circumstances are very different from Adventure’s, because it starts off without the threat necessarily being immediately world-threatening -- certainly, they need to stop the Kaiser, but this is in the form of a long-term territory war with an enemy who (at the time) doesn’t appear at night, and it’s unclear just how long it’ll take. This means that when the threat is not immediately world-ending, none of the kids are ever given grief for prioritizing their own personal obligations in lieu of fighting.

Iori and Jou do choose to ditch their kendo lesson and prep school exam (respectively), but they make it clear that they did this out of personal choice, and in fact this conversation opens with Armadimon apologizing to Iori for giving him grief for not coming, because he thinks Iori is perfectly within his rights to have stuck with the lesson! Perhaps, if the world were to end in a few hours, it would certainly be pretty idiotic to insist on sticking with a kendo lesson or prep school, because those things aren’t going to exist anymore if the world ends, but this is a very long and drawn-out territory war with no known end, and it’s understandable that these kids need to maintain their life necessities while straddling the balance between the war and their lives as a whole.

Again, they’re doing the best they can, and being a Chosen Child is about doing things because they want to, not because they have to.

This is especially because the Kaiser himself attempts to exploit the meaning of a Chosen Child in 02 episode 3 -- again, being a “Chosen Child” means being trusted to do the right thing with what you’re given, but the Kaiser basically betrayed that trust, and nobody was able to stop him from exploiting it and attempting a takeover with it. And Ken takes that title of “Chosen Child” and interprets it to mean he’s entitled to all of this -- but the other kids are Chosen Children just like him, and (at this point) all of them are simply choosing to do whatever they want with that.

And on the flip side, you have the Adventure seniors, who are a little nerfed by the Dark Towers, but as far as the way the younger 02 kids see them goes, there is no doubt that the 02 kids respect them deeply and are practically reliant on their support and advice, and their experience and maturity in comparison to themselves. The episode that establishes most how in awe the 02 kids are of their seniors is 02 episode 17, where they learn the details of the adventure in 1999, and so it’s not about how much combat power they’re displaying right now but rather how much experience they have in doing such amazing things. Likewise, their seniors are frustrated at their inability to help -- not because they see it as some obligated duty, but because they see their juniors trying their best to deal with an ongoing crisis and want to help, resulting in them providing support roles such as covering for them with a camp trip in 02 episode 18 and allowing them to do a long-term Digital World stakeout. For this, the younger 02 kids adore them and give them all of their respect.

02 episodes 10-11 are significant in juxtaposing the themes of “conflict” and “understanding each other’s feelings” -- at the end of 02 episode 10, we see Yamato punch Taichi, but he holds his hand to him right after, indicating that Yamato punched him not out of anger or condescension or scorn over Taichi’s hesitation to fight Agumon, but rather simply to snap him out of it for his own sake, knowing he wouldn’t take it offensively, so in other words, what looked like a “conflict” on its face was actually communication between the two, with neither of them treating each other with scorn.

The conflict at the end of the episode is over whether they should run the risk of killing Agumon in the process of fighting him to get him back from the Kaiser’s Evil Spiral-induced brainwashing (note that this is about the risk, since it’s not necessarily guaranteed they’ll have to kill him, and they still of course need to make a conscientious effort to prevent that outcome). Yamato, however, frames it in terms of very practical matters, and even takes Agumon’s own feelings into it while he’s at it: if they pull back purely for the sake of not running that risk, Agumon will end up being the Kaiser’s slave and killing machine and nothing will be resolved, whereas if they run the risk, the best outcome is that Agumon is saved (which is, fortunately, what happens!), and the worst outcome is that he’s killed, which is still a preferable outcome to him having to remain the Kaiser’s brainwashed slave used to kill other things en masse.

02 episode 11 further explores the theme of conflict in the face of “understanding each other’s feelings”, as it starts off with a fight between Daisuke and Takeru on the grounds of whether it’s okay to risk killing Agumon. Takeru’s stance is to side with Taichi’s decision, even if he doesn’t like it (again: just because some of these kids are able to make these decisions doesn’t mean they like it, and they’re doing it not because they’re callous but because they’ve thought hard about it and have decided it’s the best option they have!). Daisuke, being a bleeding heart, is appalled that Takeru could so easily endorse killing Taichi’s partner, and the two fight.

Note that the series does not “both-sides” this issue -- Taichi and Takeru’s stance is basically treated as the optimal course of action here -- but it also doesn’t invalidate Daisuke’s feelings of understandably being very shocked and appalled by this! Taichi and Yamato, in what initially seems like a violation of common sense, encourage them to be allowed to continue fighting, saying that it was essential to their friendship, and that confuses everyone present at the time -- but the meaning becomes clear by the end of the episode, when Takeru’s own Patamon is momentarily taken by the Kaiser and put at risk of himself becoming an Evil Spiral slave. Takeru blows up at Daisuke for hesitating (remember, this is one of his triggers), and eventually runs the exact same risk he’d advocated for Agumon with his own partner.

Remember what I said about “toxic positivity”? If everyone had just forced Takeru and Daisuke to shut up for the sake of “not fighting”, both of them might have remained angry at each other and stewing in silence, but because of the conflict, Daisuke himself personally witnessed Takeru run that risk for his own partner, presumably for the same reason (as much as the potential of Patamon being killed hurts him, the idea of Patamon being used as a killing machine is even more panic-inducing for him). With that, he understands that Taichi and Takeru made the decision to go ahead with this not out of callousness or cruelty, but because they sincerely felt they had to, no matter how much it pained them. Daisuke rails on himself for not understanding Takeru’s feelings better, and considering that he and Takeru never get in this vicious of a fight again, the point is: it wasn’t about whether they should form a friendship by fighting or not fighting in itself, it was about the fact that the two of them were able to get their feelings on the table, and that Daisuke was able to understand why Takeru endorsed what he did. (And this, too, is what it means for why Taichi and Yamato are friends now because they fought so much in the past -- back in Adventure, those fights ended up having them bare some very raw feelings to each other.)

While in the series itself, they’re successfully able to save Agumon anyway, Hurricane Touchdown presents a more unfortunate outcome of the “friendly fire” debate, in which Daisuke learns that the hostile Digimon kidnapping their seniors (and, later, a lot of other people) is Wallace’s own partner. Daisuke is so emotionally overwhelmed by this that he breaks down crying at the possibility of having to kill someone’s partner, knowing that he’d never be able to do something like this if it were V-mon, and Wallace gets him on board with an attempt to appeal to Chocomon without fighting.

This stance is not unreasonable, Wallace and Daisuke cannot be blamed for being hopeful, and, in the end, it’s admirable that they did make a conscientious effort to solve this with pacifism (again, this kind of attempt should be made, and it’s not good to beeline to the most violent solution for no reason). But unfortunately, once they meet Chocomon in the flower field, it turns out that not only is Chocomon beyond reason, he himself is also clearly out of his right mind and suffering through all of this, and Wallace finally relents and asks Daisuke to assist him in the fight (after having stayed in denial for half a movie about wanting to avoid this). Daisuke, witnessing all of this himself, agrees without hesitation, and eventually, it turns out that this decision for the best when Chocomon himself begs Gumimon and Magnamon to put him out of his misery, and them obliging (albeit hesitantly) allows him to have peace in death instead of suffering in life.

Hurricane Touchdown’s sequel drama CD, The Door to Summer, presents Daisuke with yet another dilemma with Nat-chan, who is also clearly suffering in quite a similar vein (the parallel is directly drawn). In the end, the same conclusion is reached -- Nat-chan is unfortunately killed, but is able to find release.

02 episode 16 presents an argument about the limits of ethical principles instead of approaching things practically, when Iori considers himself a horrible person for having told a lie to get Jou out of an important exam. This is mainly just about a lie, but in terms of Iori’s character arc and its relevance to 02′s themes as a whole, the point here is that there is a certain point where being too stuck on “the moral principle” of things instead of thinking practically is actually selfish in some sense. If Iori hadn’t lied, he’d get maybe one more point of moral integrity, and then everyone would have suffocated to death -- compared to lying and therefore everyone for the most part benefiting (Jou’s very happy to help his juniors and save them from, well, literally suffocating, after all). This topic becomes very important later when it turns out to be generally applicable to the wider morality of fighting that the kids later face in the series’s final cour.

The disparity between “moral principles” and “what actually happens in practice” also shows up in 02 episode 19, when Takeru loses his composure and starts punching out the Kaiser. Is the Kaiser a horrible person (at this point) who totally deserves this? Absolutely! Are we as the audience getting a lot of catharsis seeing his face punched out? Probably! But at the same time, railing at the Kaiser with unbridled anger is also...not actually accomplishing anything! Instead, Takeru’s just getting a few moments to stew in some really unhealthy emotions and uselessly punching out the Kaiser while nothing productive is getting done, and it’s also contributing heavily to his emotional isolation from Iori (and the rest of the group) because he’s not coping with it in a healthy way at all. Takeru’s feelings are certainly understandable (again: the episode is absolutely framing this in such a way that you’re inclined to take his side), but at the same time, being malicious about this is not actually practically making any headway.

One of the major reasons I’m covering all of these seemingly unrelated topics in one post is that all of them end up having a massive combined amount of relevance to the narrative behind Ken discarding the Kaiser persona, and how he comes to integrate himself with the group. On the surface, the storyline seems to be simply that Ken learned the error of his ways and tried to stop drowning in regrets, and Daisuke’s idealistic personality reached out to him and helped him heal. That said, there’s quite a bit more going on than just that.

A theme going on behind Ken’s character arc for the second half of 02 is one that probably seems a bit unusual for an idealistic kids’ show, but the point that ends up being made quite often is that whether Ken should be “forgiven” for his actions is a rather immaterial question. 02 episode 23 has a bunch of Baby Digimon rail on him, and remind him that he will never be able to take that back. There is nothing in either world that will erase those actions or make them retroactively justified or pushed under the bridge. The only thing he can do is accept the fact that it happened, whether he likes it or not, and determine what to do from here in terms of taking responsibility and making things right.

And this ends up having an influence in how Daisuke advocates for him, and how the rest of the group reaches out to him...

First of all, Daisuke being the most open-minded about Ken was not blind optimism. There’s no evidence that he was actually all that emotionally receptive to Ken or interested in being his friend before 02 episode 25. However, Daisuke also does not advocate for “punishing” Ken or kicking him while he’s down -- because that won’t accomplish anything, and Ken is clearly not in a state to be wreaking more havoc right now. Daisuke remembers the footage of Ken’s parents crying on screen, and determines what would be the first course of action to fix this situation -- and thus, he tells Ken to “go home”, because whatever Ken did in the past and no matter how much the team resents him right now, they are in this situation, with a boy who’s clearly not going to cause any more trouble right now and a family that’s hurting by his absence, and the very least he can do is do something productive from here on out.

Hence, at the end of 02 episode 24, when it turns out that Ken’s back and saved them from Thunderballmon, Daisuke decides to be optimistic about him and start the process of emotionally reaching out, but, again, it’s not blind optimism -- he sees what Ken did and takes this to mean “okay, clearly he’s not going to do bad things anymore, so regardless of whatever he did in the past, he’s helping out now, so we should check in with how he’s doing and let him help out.”

This is, of course, enhanced by the fact that Daisuke had communicated with the Crest of Kindness in 02 episode 20, but there’s also another layer to this: the major point of dispute between him and Miyako in 02 episode 25 (with both of them generally being rather open-minded about Ken otherwise) is in regards to the fact Ken and Stingmon were responsible for killing Thunderballmon in the prior episode. Come the climax of 02 episode 25, it is made clear that if Golemon successfully destroys the dam, the results will be absolutely disastrous, and there will probably be an incredible amount of casualties. Here, Daisuke himself is the first person to realize that killing Golemon may become a requirement (Ken is not actually a part of his initial comment) -- that is to say, most likely, the reason he’s willing to give Ken the benefit of the doubt about Thunderballmon is that he himself is understanding of that potential mindset (especially since 02 episode 43 does indeed establish Daisuke as being the first to accept it).

Recall that, between Daisuke, Miyako, and Iori, Daisuke was personally involved three years prior in a large incident with an unambiguously malicious Digimon that was about to claim a ton of victims -- he’s a bleeding heart, sure, but he’s also a bleeding heart for the potential victims, and the one thing that ate at him during the time of the Vamdemon incident was that he couldn’t do anything to protect everyone. Therefore, he’s the most receptive to this potential conclusion because he doesn’t want to see victims like that again. Not only that, Takeru and Hikari (having witnessed similar conclusions back in Adventure) are also very quick to point out that this might be an inevitability -- it’s just Miyako (who, in her emotional passion, is desperate to find a way out and clinging onto the hope that they won’t have to) and Iori (who considers doing such an act “no better than him” -- again, see the fixation on “moral principle” and “being above him”) who are so vehemently against it.

In the end, it turns out that Golemon is a Dark Tower Digimon (and therefore not sentient), and everyone’s left off the hook for now, but the reason this is still important is that through this, Miyako learns that Ken -- someone whom everyone was side-eyeing for potentially lapsing back into his cold, callous ways after supposedly having given up the Kaiser mantle -- was not out to kill (and, indeed, when the first kill inevitably happens in 02 episode 43, Ken is just as shaken about it as Miyako and Iori). The important part is that Miyako, and later the other kids, accepted Ken not out of some principle of optimism or forgiveness, but because they came to understand his position and feelings. All of the kids accepted Ken on their own terms after understanding his feelings and position better via interacting with him and hearing his own testimony -- they came to understand his mindset, what he’s been through and what he’s planning to do from here on out, and, most importantly, that he needs support really, really badly right now.

Which extends not just to Ken, but also everyone’s relationships here in general. Daisuke broke through to Ken and kicked off their first Jogress in 02 episode 26 because he proactively listened to everything Ken was saying and what he wanted to do, and correctly identified that Ken very desperately wants to take responsibility, so he talks him out of a reckless suicide mission by pointing out that all of his attempts to not make his family sad and to make up for everything he’s done are going to amount to nothing if he just throws his life away like this. In 02 episode 31, Miyako listens to Hikari’s troubles and her compulsion to not speak out for herself and reaches out to her successfully via promising to be there for her so she doesn’t have to slink into passive resignation. And in 02 episodes 34-36, Iori makes an active effort to understand Takeru’s mentality and why he has the drastic personality shifts he does, and communicates to Takeru that he wants to understand him better. So the point is: the 02 kids were able to successfully connect with each other and become deeper friends because they made an active attempt to listen to each other’s troubles and address the core of what they needed. They were only able to become “supportive” once they understood everything.

(02 episode 36 also has a moment where Iori’s about to rail off at everyone for not taking the fight seriously, before Armadimon reminds him that he’s starving -- again, it is very inhumane to ignore other needs and force everyone to keep fighting endlessly just because they theoretically can.)

We do meet the representative who claims credit for choosing Daisuke, Miyako, and Iori as Chosen Children in 02 episode 37 (Qinglongmon, representative of the Holy Beasts), and he explains the process of why they sent the kids what they did in order to retrieve Ken from the deep end. Notably, Qinglongmon admits that even the Holy Beasts were blindsided by a few things and adapted the situation as they saw fit (they didn’t originally expect the kids to be able to use multiple Digimentals at first). More importantly, this was, again, all a bit of a desperation move, because this was about as much as the Holy Beasts could manage, being sealed and drained of power and all.

Also, while retrieving Ken from the deep end was on the list of things the Holy Beasts set out to do, “everyone becoming Ken’s friend” was not necessarily on that agenda. Again: that was something that these kids chose to do on their own, by observing Ken’s actions and feelings and choosing to connect with him.

The episode ends with BlackWarGreymon going off on a journey of angst, and: note that the kids decide to drop the issue for the time being. Again, they’re operating not on a philosophy of grudge or whether one should get retribution for their actions, but what the likelihood of bad things continuing to happen is from here on out, and at this point in time, it doesn’t seem very likely, so there’s no point in pushing the issue or pursuing him.

Nevertheless, the morality debate over killing still remains looming over everyone’s heads, with Iori also realizing in 02 episode 29 that there are such things as Digimon that just want wanton destruction and cannot be negotiated with. The fact that the Adventure kids were put in world-threatening situations three years prior and are already far past this question is directly acknowledged in 02 episode 43, with Taichi advising Hikari that this harsh truth is going to hit the other four sooner or later, before it does eventually happen at the end of the episode. (Hikari visibly winces during her conversation with Taichi; again, none of the Adventure kids ever liked this.) And, in the end, predictably, Iori, Miyako, and Ken take it hard -- but Daisuke is the first to point out what would have happened if they didn’t do it. Namely, that the victims would have far outnumbered the Digimon they just killed.

It is, of course, good to be conscientious and not beeline for the most violent solution, and, again, context is important here -- in the situation provided, SkullSatamon was holding up a bus and split seconds away from murdering everyone in it. Had everyone refrained for the sake of morality, just like how Iori refraining from lying back in 02 episode 16 would have actually been selfish in a sense, here, the only claim you get to say after refraining is “well, I wasn’t the one who caused the harm.” Inaction would have caused the deaths of all of the young children in the bus; there would have been casualties either way.

Miyako and Iori are forced to face this truth again in 02 episode 44, with both of them being emotionally compromised by the reality of what they just did. In both cases, Hikari and Takeru step in to remind them what they’re doing this for, by pointing out the victims that would have been killed had they done nothing. Miyako and Iori are not at fault for being emotionally compromised or doing their best to prevent it -- it’s just that there’s only so much they can blame themselves for when they’re now directly faced with the potential victims in front of them.

Iori had already been grappling with this potential for several episodes now, so while he still takes it hard, more attention is given to Miyako’s reaction -- especially since she herself was the victim who was about to be murdered by LadyDevimon had Silphymon not done the kill. The voice acting and lack of Tailmon’s presence in Silphymon’s apology to Miyako implies very heavily that it was the Aquilamon side who took over and did it in a last-ditch effort to save Miyako’s life -- and he’s emotionally destroyed by it himself too, because he did it out of love for Miyako, and yet betrayed her request to not go for the kill. In the end, Miyako is forced to confront the fact that this was done out of love and a desire to protect, not a callous and malicious intent to murder, and comes to terms with it.

However, again: the series continues to reiterate that people who are not emotionally up for it should not be obligated to force themselves to do it. The beginning of 02 episode 45 has Takeru directly advise Iori that he shouldn’t do this out of obligation if he isn’t up for it -- remember that Takeru will only be able to fight with Shakkoumon if Iori is present, meaning that he’s perfectly willing to give up his ability to fight effectively because it’s not fair to force Iori to do it. This is not a series that advertises that everyone embrace the spirit of killing things and numb themselves to it. This entire situation sucks.

However, Iori makes it clear: he understands everything, and has decided to do it himself, because he understands the stakes and what it’s going to take to actually protect people.

Which is also reiterated in 02 episode 48 -- after witnessing the deaths of Archnemon and Mummymon at the hands of BelialVamdemon, everyone is shaken to the core. It should be established that the kids didn’t have much reason to sympathize with or like the two of them at this point, because everything we learned about them was from the audience’s point of view -- as far as the kids knew them, they were just two really rude and cruel Digimon who wanted wanton destruction. Yet even they are emotionally pained to see them die in such a cruel manner, and it causes everyone to hesitate -- even Daisuke, who does push forward because he knows what’s at stake, but still has to take a moment to collect himself.

Seeing what Daisuke’s about to do, Ken tries to force himself to join Daisuke so that Daisuke will at least not be alone (note that he actually says upfront that he’ll join!) -- but Daisuke notices that Ken’s heart isn’t in it, and actively advises him to sit out. Is the world in immediate crisis? Absolutely! But there is no scorn to be had for people who are emotionally falling apart right now and unable to get themselves to do it -- Daisuke even says himself that they won’t be able to fight effectively with Ken like this.

We close this analysis on a return to the concept of forgiveness and moving forward, and we learn in 02 episode 48 that Ken has two parts to his internal wishes: he wants the Kaiser (himself) to be “punished”, and he wants “forgiveness” from his deceased brother Osamu. Both of those things will certainly make him feel a little better emotionally, but they also won’t accomplish anything -- the “Kaiser” doesn’t exist anymore, so what good will that “punishment” do besides a little catharsis for the victims? And he can continue chasing after this standard of “whether he’s suffered enough” like it’s some numerical tally, but that’s not going to get him anywhere either, and it’s why Wormmon has to chase out even that ostensibly happy image of Osamu. Osamu is long gone, and is not going to return, and the question of whether Ken should be “forgiven” is rather immaterial. It’s not about whatever happened or didn’t happen back then; it’s about what Ken is going to do now.

Actually, what is “forgiveness” anyway? At no point do the 02 kids ever actually say they “forgive” Ken for his actions. In Spring 2003, Iori also says he doesn’t forgive Oikawa for what he’s done, either. There’s nothing that will ever erase what they did or suddenly make those actions retroactively justifiable, and there’s no arbitrary payment that Ken or Oikawa could do to meet some kind of quota of forgiveness. But what the kids do recognize in Ken is that, regardless of whatever he did in the past, at current he is a young boy in intense emotional distress who has gone through a lot, is working very hard to make up for his mistakes, and needs all the emotional support he can get, and there’s no reason to hold a grudge against someone like that instead of continuing to support him and loving him for who he is now. Given that, does it matter whether they “forgive” him or not?

And even if Iori will never forgive Oikawa, he can still lament everything that happened to him and drove him to do everything, and appreciate the meaning of what he did for the Digital World in the end, and use this as a further lesson on what it means to understand people instead of stewing angrily in a grudge that’ll only hurt himself.

Ultimately, that is the theory behind Adventure and 02. The world is messy, imperfect, and doesn’t fit under neat rules of morality and “right” or “not right” that you can cram everything under. Despite that, there’s something to be appreciated in not throwing in the towel and continuing to do the best you reasonably can in every situation. It would be ideal if all of the fighting could stop, or if it were possible to make the “optimal” decision of fighting or not fighting in every situation regardless of human exhaustion or emotional compromise, but that’s just not something that’s possible, and there’s no reason to call oneself a “failure” for not holding yourself to that standard. And in the end, the answer is this: instead of fixating on all of those arbitrary things that don’t actually serve any practical purpose, the way to live your best life is simply to look at where you are now, think about what you can do from here on out (regardless of what happened in the past), and do your best to protect and be kind to yourself and those around you.

Of course, you must be kind to others. But you have to be kind to others by understanding what it takes and everything around it -- and then choose to be kind anyway.

#digimon #digimon adventure #digimon adventure 02 #kizuna spoilers #shihameta

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ultraintrovertedgryffindor · 4 years ago

Note

Can you please do a sequel to the Thomas piece you posted?? I would love to see more of their “rekindled” (idk if that’s the right word) relationship evolve. Thanks so much!!

So, uh...I know what the doctor ordered and all, but I kinda made it real angsty cause I have no idea how to write anything other than angst so...yeah...🤡

Sorry if this was all over the place🤦🏻‍♀️

~~~~~~~~~~

Looking back on the past several months, you wondered if there was anything you could've done differently.

Maybe, if you just kept to yourself, none of this would be happening.

You and Thomas tried your best to get everyone out of the Maze, you really did. You knew there would be casualties, but you never thought it would be Chuck...or Newt.

After your memories returned, you and Thomas did everything in your power to try and convince the Gladers that you weren't the bad guys. Of course, Gally didn't take too kindly to that news; and when Teresa came up in the Box, all hell broke loose.

You had no idea how you managed to get out of that situation, but thankfully you had more than just Thomas and Teresa on your side. You escaped the Maze. You escaped W.C.K.D. You saved Minho and countless other kids that were taken. Now...you were safe, as crazy as it sounds.

A part of you wished you never got your memories back. You wished you could've just stayed in the Glade with Chuck, Newt, Alby, Ben, or even Teresa. It was hard to not blame yourself, because you were to blame. Maybe none of this would've happened if you just stayed away from Thomas.

Sure, you harbored a bit of resentment. Not just at him though, the whole situation was fucked up, and you knew that, it wasn't fair to blame it all on one person.

Seeing so many of your friends die, in part, because of you, put a strain on your relationship with Thomas. It sucked, because you all were on the run for so long that you didn't even get a chance to spend quality time with him. All you had was your memories to keep you company, which is more than anyone else could say. Which, you guessed, made you lucky.

All these memories coming back to you in an instant, remembering how Thomas was then compared to who he is now, it took some getting used to. Before the Maze, you had a very specific idea of who Thomas was, who he was to you. He was your best friend. He was your partner. He was your soulmate. So why did you start to see things so differently?

It was subtle, at first, just little things you disagreed on from time to time. Like, how you both handled conflict. Then, when Gally became a problem, you had very different ideas on how to handle him. Ultimately, that problem came to a head quickly and you had no choice but to go along with Thomas' plan.

But after escaping the Maze, you two practically disagreed with everything. Granted, looking back, you wished you had agreed on certain things. You were ashamed of yourself for how you treated the Winston situation. When he got infected, you already came to the conclusion that he was just dead weight. Obviously, Thomas had an issue with that. You were never that close to the kid, neither was Thomas, but he was still dead set on dragging him across the desert. It was only when Winston tried to kill himself is when Thomas finally broke.

You apologized to Thomas that night, but he surprised you when he said he understood where you were coming from. He knew Winston would've make it, but he was too stubborn and scared to admit it to himself. That moment was the first time you kissed him since you had gotten your memories back, and Thomas kissed you back.

You always made a strong effort to see things Thomas' way, even if he didn't notice it. But your opinions were so strong sometimes, that you'd completely ignore the pit in your gut that told you that he'd never agree, even if you made a compelling argument. It was frustrating. You knew that some of your ideas were a bit lackluster, you came from a more inconspicuous, strategic approach when it came to plans, whereas Thomas was more guns blazing. But when it came to Minho's rescue mission, both of your views came in handy.

Even now, you wondered if you had went along with Thomas' plan of attack, would Teresa still be alive? Would Newt? Obviously, you had no way of knowing. But just the thought that maybe you might've been at fault made you shut down sometimes.

You had yet another argument with Thomas, and you just couldn't handle being around him anymore. It wasn't the smartest of plans, but you snuck out of camp and wandered into the forest away from the beach. Even in the heat of your rage, you were almost positive you could find your way back again, so you didn't worry. All you tried to focus on was steadying your heartbeat, but all you could do was take an unpleasant trip down memory lane.

It probably should've worried you that it was getting dark really quick. If you were still at camp, you could probably still see the sun going down. But the forest pretty much blocked out all light, even the moon just barely peaking through the trees. But you stayed, suspended a couple feet in the air, sitting on a sturdy tree branch.

Your wrist started to itch, the annoying stinging sensation forcing you out of your state of tranquility and back into the real world. You had to physically stop yourself from huffing, rolling your eyes when you realized that he was close by.

Ever since that day in the Maze, you could always sense Thomas' presence, the ink in your skin giving off a slight burning feeling whenever he was close by. It would start off dull, barely noticeable. The feeling would intensify the closer Thomas would be in proximity until it completely stopped.

"Y/n?"

"Go away." You quickly replied harshly, not even turning around to look at him.

"You need to come back to camp, it isn't safe out here."

"Oh, like it's any safer across the ocean." You sighed.

This was the hundredth disagreement, Thomas wanted to go back to the mainland. His hero complex finding it difficult to just stay in the Safe Haven while there may be other people in need of help. Teresa seemed to finally break him from beyond the grave. He wants to find a way to replicate the cure that she gave to him before she sacrificed herself.

You thought it was stupid. You kept thinking about everyone that has been hurt, everyone that was murdered, all their friends that were experimented on by W.C.K.D. in their hopes of finding a cure. Thomas held the cure in his hand, but it's always never enough. It's like he has to put himself in danger to find a purpose in life. You were almost sure that they was no purpose, just survive.

In the Glade, you had more hope, surprisingly. Without your memories, you woke up with a tiny bit of hope, hope that the world outside the Maze would be better. But then it wasn't. You remembered how shitty the world really was, it even made you miss the Glade. It was a cage, that's for certain, but it almost seemed like you were safer there.

Sure, you were safe now. But your experiences in the Maze combined with all your memories that you had to deal with, you changed, you and Thomas both. Sometimes, it didn't really feel like you were the same people before you lost your memories. Maybe that's why you two were at odds constantly, maybe you two weren't actually soulmates. Who knows what put those tattoos on your skin, it could've been W.C.K.D. for all you knew. It was a very disheartening thought.

"Come on, Y/n. This again, seriously?" Thomas scoffed. "I thought you of all people would understand why I need to do this. If we can replicate the cure, who knows what that could mean for us? For the whole world?"

You sighed, jumping down from the tree branch and standing to face him. "Thomas, I never said we shouldn't try to make more cures. I just think it's idiotic to try and go back to that hellscape."

"It's not that I want to, we don't have the proper tools here that can make it easier to remake the serum."

"Last time we were there, all those buildings were being blown up. Most likely, it's all rubble and ash by now. There wouldn't be anything left to salvage."

"But not impossible."

"Thomas..."

"It's not impossible. Those specific buildings might be gone now, but you know how many more W.C.K.D. facility's there are. We have those coordinates."

"Those buildings are probably overrun by Cranks."

"But there still might be equipment left, and that's enough for me. We owe it to Teresa to try."

You rolled your eyes. "We don't owe her anything, Thomas. She betrayed us all, remember?"

"She saved my life. Our life. Surely, you remember that." You didn't reply. "She was like a sister to you, Y/n. Those feelings aren't just something that goes away overnight."

"It's easier when you remember she always had an agenda to begin with." You snapped, but quickly felt guilty when you saw the tears in Thomas' eyes. Your gaze softened. "Replicating the cure isn't gonna bring her back...we have to move on."

"I know...I know it won't bring her back..." Thomas whispered, slowly sitting down on this forest floor.

You sighed, kneeling down beside him. "I admire that you...want to save the world. But you shouldn't go on a suicide mission because of one person who's not even alive anymore." You said as softly as possible, the chirps of insects around you almost drowning you out.

"You think this is just about Teresa?" Thomas quickly asked, furrowing his brows.

You shrugged. "I know how hard you took her death. And yeah, it's been hard for me too. I was just so angry at her that I didn't allow myself to mourn. But I honestly think that Teresa wouldn't want you to kill yourself over this cure just for her."

Thomas let out a bitter chuckle, shaking his head. "It was never just about her. I...I couldn't save Newt. He wasn't immune, and I am. And I could've saved him if I had just listened to Teresa. So many people on this island aren't immune. Including you...if there's even the slightest chance I could make more cures in order for you to be safe...it's more than enough for me. I can't lose you too."

"Thomas..."

"I can't lose you."

You shook your head, quickly grabbing onto Thomas' hands. "Hey," You said softly, "you're not going to lose me."

"How do you know?"

"Thomas, no one here has the virus. And we're so far away from the mainland...don't you think it would be affecting people already if it could reach us here?"

Thomas stayed silent, casting his gaze to the forest floor dejectedly.

You sat closer to him, resting your head on his shoulder, but still keeping your hands on his. "Thomas, I think the worst is over now. We don't have W.C.K.D. hanging over our heads, and we're not running for our lives anymore...we shouldn't have to worry about this kind of stuff anymore."

"Sometimes it's hard to believe that we don't have to run for our lives anymore..." Thomas whispered softly.

You frowned, leaning more into Thomas. "I know...I've been feeling the same way."

Thomas brought up your wrist, kissing his tattooed name gently. "I'm sorry. I hate arguing with you."

You smiled weakly. "It's okay. I'm sorry too."

"I remember you telling me that my stubbornness will get me killed someday." He chuckled, then sighed. "You weren't wrong. I know I'm stubborn."

"Hey, it's not just you. I know I'm stubborn too."

"We make such a good pair, don't we?" He joked.

The thought about the origins of your tattoos came back into your mind, causing you to frown slightly. "Do you ever think about our tattoos?" You asked hesitantly. "Like, about how they got there in the first place?"

Thomas inhaled deeply. "Yeah. I have."

"Do you think W.C.K.D. is the one who put these here?" You asked, rubbing your thumb over Thomas' tattoo.

"I don't know...maybe. But even if they did, it doesn't matter to me. I love you, and that'll never change."

You looked up at Thomas, seeing that he was already looking at you with a small smile. You felt your face heat up when he moved a strand of your hair out of your face, his fingers lingering on your cheek. "Thomas...?"

"Hmm?"

You leaned in and placing your lips against his gently. "I love you too."

~~~~~~~~~~

yes, i'm aware this was a bit of a mess lmao. hope you enjoyed regardless

#the maze runner #the maze runner imagine #tmr thomas #thomas x reader

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