#in a way that doesn't make me look like a crazy person but it is 1 am and i am officially going to sleep
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bingbongsupremacy · 19 hours ago
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Surprise Boyfriend
Pairing: Eddie Munson x Plus size reader
Warning: Cursing, mentions that reader is plus size but doesn't emphasises, insecurities
Summary: You're in love with Eddie but he doesn't like you back. Right? You're just friends. That's why it's so surprising when he asks to meet your parents.
*Not Proof Read*
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I’m not sure when things started to change between Eddie and me. We've been friends for a while, hanging out after school, talking about everything from Dungeons & Dragons to heavy metal. We joke around, complain about the crazy world around us, and escape to our own little bubble where things just make sense. But lately? It feels different.
Eddie’s always been a little flirty with me. It's just his nature. He’s got that sarcastic charm that comes with being an all-around badass—a wild, untamed guy that everyone notices. His long, messy hair, the leather jacket he always wears, his constant rock ‘n’ roll vibe, and, of course, the undeniable smirk that’s always on his face. I never really thought much of it. We’re friends. He’s just Eddie being Eddie. But now? I’m starting to wonder if there’s more to it.
The way he looks at me sometimes. The way his arm casually drapes around my shoulders when we sit close. The way he holds my hand, like it’s something natural, like we’ve been doing it forever.
But then I remember—Eddie’s the kind of guy who’s into wild, pretty girls. Not… well, not me. I’m not thin, I’m not what everyone expects. I’ve got extra weight, and I always feel like I’m the last person someone like Eddie would ever want to date. He’s got a reputation to uphold, after all, and I’m just his friend. Nothing more.
It’s a Saturday, and we’re lying on Eddie’s bed again, watching one of those cheesy 80s slasher flicks. We’ve been here for hours, the room filled with the scent of old pizza and the faint smell of smoke from the joint we shared earlier. Eddie’s strumming his guitar quietly in the corner, the soft music blending with the sounds of the TV. He’s so comfortable here, and for the first time in a long while, I feel relaxed too.
"So..." Eddie glances over at me, his eyes mischievous. “When am I gonna meet your parents?”
My heart skips a beat, and I turn to face him, unsure of what he’s getting at. “What?” I ask, the word coming out a little more confused than I intended.
“You know,” he says, still grinning. “I feel like I’ve spent enough time with you, your friends, and your—well, your extended family. What about the folks? When do I get to meet them?”
I blink, unsure if he’s joking or being serious. “Eddie, what the hell? Why would you need to meet my parents?”
He sits up, running a hand through his messy hair, his expression turning slightly more serious, but there’s still a playful edge to it. “Because, Y/N, I’m your boyfriend.”
I laugh a little, but then I catch the look in his eyes. He’s not joking. Or at least, he doesn’t seem to think he’s joking. My breath catches in my throat. “Boyfriend?” I repeat, barely able to hide the confusion in my voice.
Eddie chuckles softly, shaking his head. “Y/N, come on. We’ve been going on dates for months. I even took you to that picnic last weekend, remember? We smoked a little weed, and I bought you dinner afterward. That’s a date, sweetheart. Plus I invite you to my shows and then dinner afterward. I consider that a date.”
I swallow hard. Oh god. I didn’t realize that’s what that was. I thought we were just hanging out, just… being us. I mean, Eddie’s invited people to see his band before, so I just assumed this was another one of those things. He’s always friendly to everyone. And yeah, we’ve shared some quiet moments together, but I never thought it meant what he clearly thinks it does.
“But you invite everyone to your shows, Eddie,” I say, trying to explain myself, my voice trembling a little. “I thought you were just being nice, like you always are. Like, friendly Eddie.”
He narrows his eyes at me, leaning in a little closer. “I’m always nice, sure. But I don't pay for everyone's dinner. Being nice isn't the same thing as asking someone on a date, is it?” He gives me a pointed look, clearly a little frustrated.
I chew on my lip, still unsure of what I’m missing. “I don’t know, Eddie,” I say quietly. “I just thought… we were friends.”
He grins, his usual cocky charm returning. “I thought we were more than that. I mean, come on. We’ve been holding hands, sharing this bed, watching movies together. You’re practically my girlfriend without all the labels.”
I feel a warmth spread across my cheeks as I glance down at my hands. He’s right—we’ve been close. Really close. But I never thought of it in those terms. I’m not used to being the girl who gets that kind of attention. Especially not from someone like Eddie.
“I don’t know what to say,” I whisper. “I didn’t realize you felt that way. I didn’t think you wanted to be with me.”
Eddie gently takes my hand, squeezing it softly. “Why wouldn’t I want to be with you? You’re incredible. You’ve been there for me, Y/N. You come to all my shows, you cheer me on like you’re my biggest fan. You support me—like a girlfriend would. I thought you knew.”
I feel my heart pounding in my chest. Does he really feel that way about me?
The weight of his words settles on me, and I begin to understand. He’s been there for me too, in his own way. He’s always included me, always been there to make me laugh, always made sure I felt important. I start to realize that maybe I’ve been blind to what’s been right in front of me this whole time.
“We’ve been hanging out so much,” I say, a little embarrassed, “I just thought it was normal. I mean, I never thought you were asking me out. I thought you were just… being Eddie.”
Eddie smiles, the tenderness in his eyes making my chest tighten. “I get it,” he says. “But I’ve been asking you out, Y/N. We’ve been going on dates. I don’t do this with anyone else, you know. It’s always been you.”
I nod, trying to process everything. The hand-holding, the moments when he pulls me closer when we’re sitting next to each other, the way he makes sure I’m always part of whatever he’s doing. He’s been showing me, in his own way, that he cares.
“You’re right,” I whisper, my voice barely audible. “I just… I didn’t know. I didn’t realize.”
Eddie brushes a lock of hair behind my ear, his touch gentle, and I can’t help but melt into it. “Well, now you do,” he says softly. “And I’m not going anywhere.”
I smile, feeling something shift between us. Maybe I’ve been blind to it all along. Maybe I was the one who didn’t see what was right there in front of me. But now I do. And somehow, knowing that Eddie really does want to be with me makes everything feel right.
As Eddie leans back, his arm sliding across my shoulders, I feel like maybe—just maybe—I’m finally seeing things clearly. And I can’t help but wonder what the next step for us is.
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deadbydad · 1 day ago
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Captain Curly (Mouthwashing) - When You Can't Fix Everything and Why He's a Victim of Jimmy
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There are many discussions surrounding Captain Curly all around the internet on whether he is a good person or not.
Some say he isn't while some say he is, but the question simply has an easy answer.
Curly is a morally grey character.
Captain Curly, when we first play as him and see through his perspective, we come to learn a lot about him with the short amount of sections where we do play as him.
We know that he is very optimistic, he cares deeply for his crew and always tries to look on the bright side of things. He just wants everything to be fine, and will always try to fix it if it isn't because, well because he's the captain.
But him being so optimistic is what was his downfall, and I think that's what makes him such a well written and realistic, morally grey character.
Curly isn't innocent, but he is a victim of Jimmy just like everyone else on the ship is.
Let me explain.
Curly was the first person Anya told about when Jimmy assaulted her and how she was pregnant, and Curly told her he would talk to Jimmy.
He would fix it.
I hate when people say that he didn't care about Anya or didn't believe her. Curly never said he didn't believe her, and he never said he was defending Jimmy either.
This is one of the examples of his optimistic views doesn't work out for him.
We know that Curly invited Jimmy to work with him in Pony Express and we immediately assume that because they're friends, then Curly is defending Jimmy.
But if you replay and really pay attention to Curly and Jimmy's conversations, you come to realize that Jimmy is borderline controlling and abusive with the way he talks to Curly.
He isn't and doesn't see Curly as a friend, but Curly being too nice and tends to look past that type of stuff, that made it easy for Jimmy to manipulate Curly.
After Anya told him, Curly did talk to Jimmy about it, but he went about it in a calm way. I think what he did is pretty realistic for the situation they're in, but I'll talk more about that later.
Curly talking to Jimmy is what led Jimmy to crash the ship and get Curly injured and fuck everything else up. Not to mention that Jimmy wanting to get rid of Curly so he could be captain also played a huge part in it.
Jimmy never saw Curly as a friend, he only saw him as someone he could use to get what he wanted.
Curly trying to fix what happened by talking to Jimmy was his wake up call, his karma in a way.
Because of the crash, Curly understands Anya in a way when Jimmy starts to hurt and force him to take the pain meds. Curly being brutally hurt and injured can only lay and not do anything to stop it.
He finally understood what Anya had felt in a way, and he probably hates himself because he didn't do something to protect her.
And her killing herself in front of him and watching the rest of his crew die to the hands or consequences of Jimmy, even Jimmy himself, was what made Curly realize that he simply can't fix everything.
Curly is absolutely a victim of Jimmy like everyone else on the ship is.
He was manipulated, abused, and not to mention Jimmy literally ate some of his body. All of this was because Curly was too optimistic.
Curly is one of the most realistic characters, and I think people saying that he's as bad as Jimmy just aren't thinking about the fact that he was a victim of Jimmy himself.
Yes, he could have done more to protect Anya, most likely by switching her over to a room that has locks.
But I believe that he couldn't do anything besides that, especially when it comes to Jimmy.
He knows how crazy and angry Jimmy gets. He was probably thinking that he couldn't just go up to him and start a fight because, let's be real, Jimmy was going to kick Curlys ass and he was probably going to crash the ship no matter what.
Curly, in my opinion, while yes, he didn't do anything to protect Anya, he wasn't protecting or defending Jimmy.
Curly was trying to look at how he could fix it, but I think no matter what he did it wouldn't have mattered.
I see people saying that Curly could have shot Jimmy with the gun or locked him up in another room or contacted the higher-ups of Pony Express. I don't think any of this would have realistically worked.
One, he can't kill Jimmy because he is the co-pilot, and they needed a co-pilot for the ship, and locking him in a room wouldn't have worked either.
Curly couldn't have called the higher ups either because Pony Express wouldn't have done anything because they simply just don't care about their workers.
No matter what Curly did or what he could have done, none of it realistically would have worked or done anything to solve the problem.
I'm not defending Curly at all, I'm a victim of assault myself, so I understand Anyas feelings, I'm simply saying that we should look at the other possibilities and should start thinking about what Curly was actually thinking before saying he was as terrible as Jimmy.
Curly isn't innocent, but he was a victim of Jimmy.
His optimistic views on life and on people are what caused his downfall.
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aishangotome · 2 days ago
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Azel Radwan: Chapter 6
Chapter 5
Thank you @shatcey for providing the video for this chapter!
♡———♡
Under the pressure of the Living God, Izzet quickly retreats.
I also feel the intimidating aura, as if we had incurred the wrath of the God—
To shake off the unfathomable fear I felt for a moment, I also set out for the town with the errand memo in hand.
-
(I… I can't move another step from here.)
The desert is dyed golden, and the light begins to weaken as the day draws to a close.
The setting sun peeking through the huge window is a breathtaking sight, one I could gaze at forever.
(I have to hurry back or I'll end up walking through the desert at night, and I need to push myself a little harder…)
(...I might be getting sleepy…)
(I'm too tired…)
Azel: You're in the way.
A merciless voice rains down on me as I doze off, sitting on the stairs.
Looking up, I see the God, devoid of any compassion, looking down at me.
Emma: …I'm sitting in the corner.
Azel: This isn't a resting place.
Emma: Is there any other room I'm allowed to enter?
Azel: No.
Emma: Then there's nothing I can do about it, is there?
Azel: There is. Get back to the castle quickly.
Azel: How can you even think of sleeping in someone's doorway?
Emma: That's how tired I am. Thanks to a certain God who overworks people.
(I made two round trips between the town and the temple today, so my legs are killing me.)
Azel: Poor you. I look forward to working with you tomorrow as well.
(This person… no, this God, doesn't know the meaning of kindness, does he?)
The Living God sits down one step above me and rests his chin on his knee.
His face, bathed in the setting sun, is irritatingly beautiful and divine, with no hint of the darkness within.
(...It's no wonder everyone is deceived.)
(I wonder what happened to turn him into such a merciless, evil God.)
Azel: … Sigh…
Emma: Why are you sighing?
Azel: I was thinking he came sooner than expected.
Azel: That crazy old geezer must be very interested in you.
(What's he talking about?)
Azel gestures toward the entrance with his chin.
I force my sleepy head to turn and see a person standing in the red sunset.
???: Living God, thank you for allowing me to enter this sacred domain.
My eyes, now accustomed to the light, see an elderly man.
A gentle smile graces his face, the kind that calms the heart of anyone he meets, and he exudes a kind and compassionate aura.
(He has the same atmosphere as Azel when he's playing the role of a God in public.)
Azel: I didn't allow it, but you have business with Emma?
(Could this be the High Priest!?)
As I hurriedly try to stand up, Azel grabs my shoulder and pushes me back down.
Azel: Please be brief. We're in the middle of something right now.
High Priest: My apologies for interrupting your conversation.
(There's a bit of a bite to his words… I wonder if Azel doesn't like the High Priest.)
The High Priest is unfazed by Azel's haughty attitude, and his compassionate gaze turns towards me.
High Priest: Lady Emma, it is a pleasure to meet you. I came to greet you after hearing the rumors.
High Priest: I am one of the God's messengers, bestowed with the important role of High Priest, and currently serve as the administrator of the sanctuary.
High Priest: It is my duty to spread the glory of the Living God throughout the country. I look forward to a long and prosperous relationship.
Emma: …Thank you for your greeting. Please forgive me for speaking to you in this position.
High Priest: Not at all. The Living God's wishes should be respected above all else. Please remain as you are.
(What is this feeling?)
(His words, attitude, and demeanor are all soft, yet it makes my heart uneasy…)
I sense an inexplicable discomfort within his gentle gaze, and I'm at a loss for words.
Azel: I said, "Be brief," didn't I?
But with Azel's interruption, I'm freed from the High Priest's entwining gaze, and I secretly let out a sigh of relief.
High Priest: Then, if you'll permit me, I'll get to the main point.
High Priest: Living God, in light of this recent matter, we are urgently preparing the harem.
(Harem… What!? )
High Priest: We can have Lady Emma move to her chambers immediately.
Azel: No, thank you. Please don't do anything unnecessary.
The highest authority in Tanzanite expresses his disapproval bluntly.
That was my only salvation.
Azel: I've said it many times, I don't need a harem. Didn't I give it to Enis?
High Priest: Enis is merely the administrator. Our country's harem originally belongs to the Living God.
High Priest: Recently, many false divinators have appeared in the city, causing concern among the people.
High Priest: The Living God's favor towards a woman could be a ray of hope to dispel the anxieties of the desert.
Azel: It couldn't. It's just a change of subject.
Azel: Instead of thinking about deceiving the people, why not investigate the cause of the increase in false oracles?
While letting out those barbed words, Azel twirls his fingers in my hair.
When our eyes meet, he gives me a chillingly affectionate smile. If someone who didn't know the situation saw us, they might really think I'm being favored.
(...I'm sure my face is stiff right now.)
This is not the face I want to show the High Priest, so I reluctantly meet Azel's gaze.
Azel: Oh, and also, I've decided that the God's favor will be bestowed on only one person.
Azel: Please don't send any other women my way. They're an eyesore.
The finger that slid from my hair to my cheek lightly presses my skin.
It feels like he's pressuring me to "act," but I don't think I can do anything about my stiff face.
High Priest: To think he favors you so much… I was inconsiderate. It is my fault.
(Oh no, my situation is getting worse and worse…)
High Priest: Lady Emma, may peace be with the Living God's heart.
High Priest: And I sincerely pray that the blessings of the moon be bestowed upon you.
Perhaps Azel's silent pressure of "Go away quickly" got through, as the High Priest bows his head politely and quickly leaves the temple without changing his calm expression.
Emma: What did he mean by the "blessings of the moon" at the end?
Azel: Who knows? Probably the ramblings of a senile old man.
The moment we're alone, the deceptive smile disappears, and Azel's face becomes weary.
(As always, his conman skills—no, his acting skills—are impressive.)
Azel removes his hand from me and looks up at the sky decorating the huge window.
Azel: …The worst way to end the day.
Emma: Do you dislike the High Priest that much?
Azel: It's not just dislike. I never want to see his face again.
Emma: Why…
Azel: Is there anyone who could like an old geezer who keeps sending women my way even though I refuse?
Emma: …That's true.
*flashback to earlier*
Enis: If the precious bloodline of the Living God is cut off, Tanzanite has no future.
Enis: The High Priest will not give up, even if he has to gather all the women in the country.
*flashback over*
(The High Priest is the one who protects the glory of the God, and he may not necessarily respect the Living God's will.)
(Even if they have faith, people don't always act according to the God's wishes.)
(...If even a God has troubles, what's the difference between them and humans?)
Azel: Don't betray me.
Emma: What kind of situation would be considered betrayal?
Azel: It's simple. Don't do anything I dislike.
Emma: I'll try my best.
Azel: That's a good answer.
Emma: I understand better than anyone the pain of being forced to do something I hate.
Emma: In order to build a friendly relationship with the Living God, I want to avoid "unconscious harassment."
As I declare this with a puffed-out chest, Azel, who has shifted his gaze back to me from the sunset, furrows his brow noticeably.
Azel: Build a friendship? I'm an evil God, you know.
Emma: That's true… but I have the experience and wisdom of Belle.
Emma: I know that a person's true nature isn't easily discerned.
During my stay at Rhodolite Castle, there were princes with all sorts of problems: the bloodthirsty prince, the misanthropic prince, the prankster prince, and the prince with a flamboyant love life.
But what I learned from facing them were the values and beliefs that weren't apparent on the surface.
Once I grasped those, the glamor surrounding those noble beasts peeled away, and I could see their true selves.
Based on my experience, the God in front of me must be the same.
The God I see is like a mirage, still far from his true essence.
Emma: Only after knowing their true nature can you see whether you "like" or "dislike" a person...
Emma: No matter how unreasonable the situation, I want to make an effort to understand the Living God.
Azel: …Is that so?
(He's been making a scary face this whole time.)
Emma: Did I say something unpleasant?
Azel: No? It's just that, unlike that idiot, I have no intention of getting along with you.
Azel: I just thought, "What a waste of effort."
He pinches my cheek with his fingers and pulls it.
Emma: I unnershtand you have no intenshun of gettin' along wiff me!
Azel: I have no idea what you're saying.
(I want to get along with him… but what's irritating is irritating!)
(I wonder if this will someday turn into a different emotion once I grasp his true nature.)
He releases my cheek, and I rub it with my hand to make sure it's not stretched out.
Azel: Anyway, if you intend to get along with me, don't side with the geezer.
Azel: If you can't even do something that simple, there's no point in talking.
Emma: Of course. It's a piece of cake.
-
The next day, after confidently making that declaration—Azel greets me with a terrifying look as I visit the temple again.
Azel: Hey… I told you not to betray me, didn't I?
Emma: …Yes.
Azel: You also said, "It's a piece of cake," didn't you?
Emma: …Yes.
Azel: Then let me ask you—
Azel: …What is that state you're in?
Emma: I'm the one who wants to ask that!
Azel looks down on me as I kneel on the ground, my breath hitching just from standing.
A sweet, heavy scent rising from my skin gradually increases my body heat. It's something different from the heat I felt when I was exhausted from running errands the other day, something that's eating away at my mind and body.
(I had a bad feeling about this ever since I was on my way here…)
*flashback*
Azel: Be careful with your belongings from tomorrow onwards. You never know where they might plant aphrodisiacs.
*back to present*
(...That's a harsh joke.)
Azel: Any ideas?
His star-filled eyes are cold enough to blow away the desert heat, and that in turn cools my head.
Emma: Come to think of it…
*earlier*
Aisha: Good morning, Lady Emma. How about this outfit for today?
Aisha: Since you're in Tanzanite, please enjoy our country's fashionable attire.
Nadia: And we've prepared this perfume for you today.
Nadia: It might be a bit too sweet at first, but the scent will mellow out over time.
Aisha & Nadia: "Now, let's get you ready."
*back to present*
Emma: Before I left… It might be the perfume the maids prepared for me.
(I had the same breakfast as Clavis and Luke, so it can't be that.)
Since I told the maids my schedule for the day, they must have known I was going to see Azel.
(I didn't feel anything immediately after it was applied, so maybe it was slow-acting… I didn't know such aphrodisiacs existed.)
Azel: Perfume is an aphrodisiac for beginners. Why do you fall for such an obvious trap?
Emma: …I didn't think they would actually put it in the perfume!
Emma: To begin with, I've never used or even seen an aphrodisiac, so I don't know what it's like…
Azel: Huh? You've never seen one in your life?
Emma: Of course not!
Azel: There are people like that?
(Is that something to be surprised about…?)
Azel looks genuinely surprised, not as if he's joking.
(I think anyone would be unfamiliar with aphrodisiacs if they live a normal life.)
(But maybe aphrodisiacs are something Azel is familiar with.)
(…Judging from his attitude, it doesn't seem like he uses them willingly…)
(I'm starting to feel sorry for him.)
Azel: Don't look at me like that, don't pity me, it makes me want to cry.
Emma: S-sorry…
Emma: Is there, like, an antidote for this?
Azel: No. We just have to wait for it to wear off.
Azel: But fortunately, it doesn't seem to be that strong.
Azel: It's rare to see a woman this unsexy even after being given an aphrodisiac.
Emma: That last part was unnecessary.
Azel: How honest.
(...Even if the effect is weak, my body feels strange.)
I don't know much about aphrodisiacs, but I do know what kind of effects they have.
The heat generated just from my clothes rubbing against my skin is enough to make me feel ashamed.
On top of that, the outfit the maids prepared for me, while covering my legs with a long skirt, is similar to a dancer's costume that boldly exposes my chest and stomach, which makes me want to cry even more.
(If I had known I was drugged, I wouldn't have come today…)
I'm not in any condition to walk back to the castle through the desert, so I grip my clothes tightly to hold back my tears.
Azel: …I do feel bad about this.
Emma: …? Did you just say—
Emma: Wait… What are you doing!?
Suddenly, Azel lifts me up roughly like a piece of luggage, throws me over his shoulder, and starts walking.
Azel: If this continues, you'll be attacked.
Emma: Huh!?
Azel: I'll teach you how to deal with being given an aphrodisiac… for a fee.
.
.
.
Chapter 7
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lloydfrontera · 8 months ago
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i will always find the relationship between javier and the fronteras endlessly fascinating and compelling especially because of the way it's shaped by the required narrative of the original novel versus what we see of them as people through the plot of tged. let me explain.
the thing about javier is that. he's not. a person when we first meet him. he's supposed to be a character. he's just about to go through his tragic backstory so he can then go on to be the hero of 'the knight of blood and iron'. this is what javier is. all his life before that is really nothing more than a footnote. the fronteras themselves are nothing more than extras that die in the very beginning of his story.
and this shapes the way their relationship is meant to be like. because they need to strike the right balance of them being close enough where it's justified for javier to be so loyal to arcos that he refuses to take any master after his death but not so close that javier feels the responsibility or has the authority to take over the estate after their deaths or even remain there at all to help in any way he can. for the sake of the narrative javier isn't allowed to really be a part of the frontera family despite being basically raised by them, because that would interfere with the plot destiny has set up for him.
and if that were it, that would be fine, no one would really pay that much attention to it because why would they. the only things that matters is that they kept javier alive, they were close to him in some regard and now they're dead. that's all that was needed from them for tkobai.
but then. lloyd happens. and he immediately derails the plot and saves the fronteras from death and javier from having to become an errant knight and now everyone is alive and free to continue their own lives and then we get to know arcos and marbella, not as just tragic extras of javier's story but as actual people with their own thoughts and feelings and. what we get to know about them doesn't quite track with their previous actions.
the arcos and marbella we get to know in tged?? they basically adopt lloyd as their son. lloyd. an adult stranger who replaced their son, kept the truth from them for years and who then came back looking nothing like their own kid. and they still love him and accept him as their child. by all accounts they straight up give him their family name, centuries later he's still known as lloyd frontera and nothing else.
this is the kind of people they are. the kind of people who would welcome a stranger into their family because he's kind and good and he's trying his best.
but you mean to tell me that these are the same people who took in a five year old orphan into their home and then just. kept him around. not really being a part of their family. they just raised him for 15 years and then took his oath as a knight and that was it. they don't even call him by his name. he's always 'sir asrahan'.
it doesn't make sense!! that doesn't track with the kind of people they are in tged! except it totally does if you remember they were never meant to be more than just extras. they were never meant to be more than some kind people javier is very distraught to lose but not enough to fall apart for.
that being said. there are a couple explanations that could be given in universe to explain why javier was never made a frontera, despite being taken in by them.
one is that they simply weren't allowed to adopt him. like someone in the replies of this post mentioned, some countries could be pretty strict about who nobles were allowed to adopt. maybe in the magentano kingdom it's the same and the fronteras couldn't legally make javier their child and so could only take him in as a ward or something similar.
or maybe they didn't want to take away one of the very few things javier has left of his family. he was a really small child when his parents were killed, he once mentions he doesn't even really remember his father, just a memory of waiting up for him late at night and that's it. he never really speaks of them nor does he seem to have a deeper connection or longing for them. by the time we meet him, all he has left of them is his name really. maybe when they took him in neither arcos nor marbella wanted to take away one of javier's last remains of his family by making him take their name.
or perhaps they thought adopting javier would cause them more harm than good. after all. they did have a little bastard of a son who took offense at the very existence of javier, despite javier just being *checks notes* a five year old orphan they picked up from the streets so he wouldn't starve or freeze to death. can you imagine the nightmare it would've been if javier had actually been adopted and not just taken in. if og lloyd had not only been forced to share a home but also his own name with him. it wouldn't have been pretty! and the one to pay for it would've certainly been javier! so maybe they thought the risk was simply too high. maybe they thought not giving him their name was a price worth paying to keep the peace at their home.
or maybe they simply didn't think it was their place. maybe they didn't want to make javier uncomfortable or force him into a relationship with them that he didn't want. maybe they wanted to wait until the loss was a little less recent, until the pain had had time to settle into something more manageable and then they just. missed the timing. maybe by the time they realized it was already too late and walls had formed between them that they didn't know how to take down.
in any case i simply don't believe that arcos and marbella are the kind of people to take in a child, raise him his whole life and then just. not feel anything deeper than fondness for him. it doesn't make sense from what we actually get to see of them.
i don't think their relationship with javier is that of parents with a child, but i also don't think it's as distant as what it looks like at first glance. personally i think it must be a mix of,,, habit, formalities and the awkwardness of a missed opportunity hanging between them that doesn't let them be as close as they would otherwise be. like. they all wish they could be something more, they wish the distance was a little shorter, they wish the walls between them could come down but they simply aren't sure how to do that anymore. they don't know if they missed their one chance and this is all that's left.
i don't know!! i just!! it's fascinating to me and i think about it far too much for it to be healthy!! halp!!
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sengoku-nadeko · 5 months ago
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#monogatari series#monogatari#monogatari oms#nademonogatari#nadeko draw#yotsugi ononoki#ononoki yotsugi#nadekodraw:tv#monogatariseries:gif#nadekkogif#ok i MUST go nuts about this somewhere so (cracks knuckles) tumblr tags let's go#first gif yotsugi is doing an attitude pirouette en dedans#second gif yotsugi is doing a demi rond de jambe á terre from fifth position#technically she’s dancing on pointe w/ her boot acting as a pointe shoe which is clever!!! her boots must have crazy foot articulation LOL#for context these are ballet moves which I LOVE!!! i am being catered to shaft looked at ME & said NADEKO DRAW HAS BALLET MOVES 4 U!!!#SO the real neat thing about this imo is the way that it is animated. probably done this way by the limitations of the animators timewise#for context in ballet a key thing when you dance is that your body should be constantly moving outwards from yourself e.g.#your arms reach as far as they can and your legs reach as far as they can etc. your back too! up and out like you are being pulled!!!#the point of this is bc dance is alive & humans who dance are alive! even when you hold a position you are thinking about moving outward#doing this breathes SO MUCH life into the dance! it is literally so important visually it makes a HUGE impact#but yotsugi doesn't do this! she doesn't breathe life into the dance bc she's not extending her body outward she simply holds a position#yotsugi is obviously very skilled to do what she's doing here like a pirouette is hard af you need crazy strength to go on pointe too#so imo she performs the moves in the correct way! she is turned out! she knows what she is doing! this is not due to lack of training!#my personal theory is that she moves this way because she is a reanimated corpse!!! she literally CANNOT dance like somebody who is alive!!#corpse baby is dancing her best and imo she's very good!!! 🥺#as a ballet enthusiast i just think it's a really neat lil touch and works well (despite the fact that it is probably accidental LOL)#anyway hi i'm noisy please enjoy my ballet ramblings lmfao! i will regif this when the BD comes out bc i want it to be extra pretty!!!#regarding the gifs. both first and second are loops!!! please enjoy ballet dancer yotsugi 🩰
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if dorian didn't show up, do you think louis would have shot minnie?
I do. I know some people think either he wouldn't have or he would've missed so that's why the writers had him shoot Dorian instead, but mmmmmm no, I don't personally think so. I like to think that if he had taken the shot, his shaky hands would've caused him to shoot her fatally.
Mostly because I'm already so normal about the fact that of the Ericson crew, Marlon and Louis are the only ones with a body count. Well, that we know of, but shown to us in the game, at least. Plus, we know it's Louis' first kill.
Like yeah, Clementine and AJ become part of the crew and they have bigger body counts, and if we're counting indirect kills caused by actions, then Tenn has a count... and I guess everyone has blood on their hands for blowing up the boat... but I'm talking about killed directly with a weapon like....... I lied, I'm not normal about that at all, Louis and Marlon are the ones who have killed someone in Louis' route. I'm also not normal about the fact that Louis kills Dorian and then even as he's clearly in shock, he tries to go with Clementine to get AJ, and then later on when they talk about it, he says it feels like bile but not quite and he's glad he has it in him to do it.... listen, listen, listen... I'm obsessed with that.
Anyway, so if Louis shot Minerva, I think he would've accidentally killed her and can you imagine? He's already enough of a mess after killing the woman who pinned him down and tried to cut his finger off [or succeeded] but he knew Minerva, they were friends before the twins were taken. Even Violet couldn't kill her even though that would've been the smarter thing to do, and we know thanks to meta knowledge that killing her would've saved lives, but Violet couldn't, and I don't think Louis would intentionally either.
Speaking of Violet, if Louis killed Minerva, I hate to think about what that would've done to Vi. I think she might've actually left at that point, like what was planned before it got changed to her being burned. I don't think she would've attacked Louis over it, though, like yeah she attacked Clementine in the cell but Louis? I don't know, but I don't think so just because it's Louis and he'd be a mess about it anyway.
Though if he did kill her, it would be a neat parallel to draw... y'know, because Louis forgave AJ for killing Marlon even though he was pissed and heartbroken, and Violet was annoyed with him the entire time... but could she ever forgive Louis for killing Minerva? Y'know? We already have a similar parallel with AJ shooting Tenn, but still.
If Clementine killed Minerva in that moment, though, then I could see Violet attacking her since in her eyes, Clem proved her right.
So yeah, I get why they added the Dorian kill to his route. It adds another compelling element to Louis as a character, but we also need Minerva alive for episode 4; Louis can't kill her, he can't miss, and he's not going to stay with her because we need Violet to stay on the boat and him to be on shore for all routes.
#asks#twdg louis#twdg minerva#twdg clementine#twdg violet#twdg marlon#twdg tenn#honestly whenever i see someone say louis is the boring option i'm just like '.......that's your opinion but also how can you say that??'#then again i'm sure other people look at me saying violentine just isn't for me and they say the same thing so y'know... i can't talk haha#also time is such a weird thing because i look at the entire cell scene in louis' route and like... i'm not even mad about violet anymore#like yeah i still don't believe she was brainwashed like i'm sorry y'all only believe that because kent said something about it#not because there's all this evidence toward it in game like vi being pissed at clementine makes sense she doesn't need to be brainwashed#for it to work like her being vulnerable and easily manipulated into submission makes perfect sense especially with minerva there#it's like everyone was pissed that she attacked clementine and people needed a way to excuse it so it's not violet's fault when like...#that's literally what makes it interesting like calm down it's okay if violet is pissed and scared and behaves accordingly#also my controversial opinion of the day that i'll hide here in the tags so maybe people won't find it sksksk but#I personally find the concept of vinerva and the doomed tragedy of it more compelling than anything violentine did#like i'll defend violentine and i do believe it's an important and good ship it's just not my personal favorite#anyway but then the whole thing with lilly and minerva is so good and louis screaming FUCK YOU at minerva?? amazing love it so good#i love when the soft character who never chooses violence is so pissed off that all that anger they have boils to the surface and it's raw#like... he's SO mad he's SO furious he's SOOO UPSET like he wasn't even like this when marlon died or anything like he hit his limit#and then shooting dorian through the mouth while an accident is just well done i love it and i love his reaction of mortification#and apologizing and YET he still tries to go with clementine he's trembling and can barely string together a sentence but he wants to go#he wants to help her he wants to save aj THAT is the gut reaction he has after everything that just went down#'louis isn't loyal or good for clem because of the vote' babe tell me you don't understand any nuance of louis' character without telling m#it's fine IT'S FINE you don't have to agree and i just have to remind myself that it's fine not everyone likes louis we're okay#this drives me crazy in the best way like y'know what? i love the cells scene in louis' route all of it even the stuff i used to rant about#even the stuff that used to piss me off now i'm just like 'no wait past cj was dumb she wasn't looking at it this way aaaaaaaa' sksksks#that was my tag ted talk about the cell scene thank you
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lilacerull0 · 2 months ago
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i feel like reading/watching mbf immediately means knowing who i am as a person and... i cannot allow this
#you all know that i can't stand gatekeeping and how that's why i bring up what i like all the time in various contexts#but the surprising thing with mbf for me is that i can't talk about it as freely to people who don't know me#because i can't find a way to translate it without having to offer some crucial segment of myself#i enjoy sharing ideas and thoughts more than anything else but i don't like sharing me the person behind them#because i really cherish my individuality as something important in spite of where it takes me sometimes#i don't want to tarnish it!!!! i don't want even the smallest piece of it to be missing because i wouldn't know what to do anymore#i'll stick to typing out thoughts here and to my mom and to my med textbooks#but i must say it feels strangely refreshing to have something that is only my own this way because i always have to put myself out there#and this way i am not giving anyone the opportunity to twist it into something terrible about me#my spontaneous outbursts might ruin this for me though#letters from stephanie*#i dislike that i can't step outside of my own experiences with this like i usually do because art should be shared#this is suchhh a crazy person post#i think i finally get what my dad means when we fight about how i shouldn't say everything i think all the time#he doesn't want me to filter myself he wants me to preserve who i am from harm because stepping up sometimes won't help#who i'm trying to help but it will ruin me in some way even if it just makes me upset#i think that's how he manages to be calm without betraying himself?#he isn't lying he's just saying what he thinks when it matters and to those that matter#like most of the time i am right to single myself out but there is a particular shade of grey when i shouldn't do it#idk this is literally donna telling the dr YOU CAN STOP NOW.#realistically i just need someone to calm me down when my passions turn against me#overly personal post once again i am sooo sorryyyy look away
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flowercrowngods · 2 years ago
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hi my inbox is full of so much love and affection right now and i swear i am not ignoring anyone, i see all your "you make me happy" asks and your cat pics and your "i hope you have a wonderful day" messages but i swear i'm not ignoring you, i'm just gonna bask in them a little longer 🥰🤍
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cloud-somersault · 1 year ago
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every time i hear someone sayin' they only read completed fics but also complain because there's not enough 100k slowburns, i get so irrationally mad.
how do you think fics get completed? do you think the author sits on that 100K slowburn for months and posts it all at once? maybe interact and give some engagement
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crocwork-clockodile · 2 years ago
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I want to fall in love. But not like you’re thinking; I want the kind of love that the Young Man feels for the Rockies in the song “Rocky Mountain High.” I want someone to see the divinity in me, and for our souls to know each other and recognize home in each other. I don’t think I want to kiss, but I want to cuddle and share the same level of emotional intimacy you might share with a lover. I want to be their most important person and for them to be my most important person too. I want to be the first person they think to text when something happens to them, from the silly to the serious. I want to love them like home, like I love the forest around my grandmother’s house. I want to be able to feel so comfortable and at home with them that both of us feel safe to be completely ourselves with each other. I want to fall in love with someone like you fall in love with a place. Where you feel like you’re finally home.
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galmiahthepigeon · 2 years ago
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Oh I'm so embarrassed about the reaction I'm having to The News
#my friends Robin and Leo started dating recently. which would be wonderful if not for the fact that i like Leo. a lot#and it's stupid for me to be upset about this bc i was not going to get into anything with Leo anyways#I don't think they like me like that and i was content with things being platonic between us#but thinking that they like another person over me is making me feel bad. WHICH AGAIN IS SO DUMB#LIKE. I GET IT. I'M NOT LEO'S TYPE AND ROBIN IS. SIMPLE AS THAT. THAT DOESN'T REFLECT ON OUR VALUE IN LEO'S LIFE OR OUR VALUE IN GENERAL#I KNOW#BUT IT'S STILL UPSETTING ME LIKE CRAZY#I'M SO EMBARRASSED I CAN'T BE THINKING ''what does he have that i don't'' THAT'S SO LAMEEE AND IT'S A FLAWED WAY TO LOOK AT IT.#but wait the story is even funnier#bc one time we went out clubbing and Leo was doing this thing where he tries to make out with as many ppl as possible#he had gotten to 7 so i sad wanna make it 8? and they said yea and we kissed for a bit#AND APPARENTLY. I NOW FIND OUT. THAT ROBIN STOLE MY PICKUP LINE THAT LITTLE GREMLIN#AND THAT'S THE WAY HE ASKED LEO OUT#I'M GOING TO EXPLODE#even more embarassing#is the fact that my first immediate reaction to finding this all out was to think ''oh now i REALLY need to get into something with Draxx''#Draxx is a friend that I'm kinda into. Leo introduced me to him at a party recently.#Leo does not have any sort of attraction towards him. so why did my brain plot it as some sort of poetic revenge? no fucking clue honestly#I'm upset and none of my thoughts are rational rn#don't even know why my brain wanted any revenge in the first plane it's all so absurd#big stupid feelings that I'm obviously not sharing with anyone involved#jealous and for what
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creatingblackcharacters · 2 months ago
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No, That’s Not ‘How Color Works’. - Whitewashing
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Whitewashing, as defined by Merriam-Webster:
"to alter (something) in a way that favors, features, or caters to white people: such as a) to portray (the past) in a way that increases the prominence, relevance, or impact of white people and minimizes or misrepresents that of nonwhite people and B) to alter (an original story) by casting a white performer in a role based on a nonwhite person or fictional character"
In fandom context, we know it to include:
Making someone’s skin lighter
Making someone’s hair a thinner texture
Changing someone’s nose to be thinner
Shrinking their lips
Changing the character in their entirety to be someone else
The Normalization of Whitewashing
Remember how I mentioned last lesson that despite the nature of poorly drawn Black characters, most audiences are not turned off enough to discourage the action in professional works? Similar idea with whitewashing. Not the same- unlike the Ambiguously Brown Character, which claims to have plausible deniability, overt whitewashing is usually enough to make fans speak up! But that’s the key word here- overt! It has to be “bad enough” to make enough people speak up, but as we’ve seen many a time, “bad enough” seems to have a much higher threshold for nonblack viewership (sometimes the limit doesn’t exist!)
Some visual examples
This is a link to my personal thread on a Netflix show I was watching- Worst Ex Ever. Now, while the show itself was quite enlightening, there was something I could not get over. I thought I was going crazy. And that was that no matter how dark the person of color would be in real life, the animated portions would draw this light pinkish-brown. Every. Single. Time. It's like they couldn't fathom scrolling down the color wheel. And this is a Netflix original! Netflix has plenty of money for someone to have caught this in creation. But... it was produced. And put out. And they're making more of it.
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I asked all of the Dragon Age fans about the series, and uh… I didn’t know things were this bad, guys! Apparently this is a man of color, but it doesn't seem like the creators want you to know that 🤣. Jokes aside, as I’ve discussed before, the noticeable whitewashing- and that was one of many racist things I was told- was not enough to prevent sales... so why would they stop? I can only hope this new game, with all the updates, is enough to turn the tide. But the series has gone on for a while now, that if they’d chosen to do ye same olde… there clearly would not be a lack of financial support to prevent it.
Colorism as a Tool
Even when actors of color are cast, colorism often plays a role in normalizing whitewashing to audiences, even to Black audiences! People think “oh well at least they’re Black!” as if that is the only important part. It is not.
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While Aaron Pierre, the actor cast for John Stewart of Green Lantern fame, is a GORGEOUS, STUNNING man, he is not the dark-skinned man that John Stewart is supposed to be and should not have been cast! To me, this is overt colorism, but clearly for many people this is not “enough” to warrant concern or even prevent the casting itself- including the studio behind the movie! Black fans have plead for years for the character of Storm to be played by a dark-skinned, preferably African, woman, and it has never happened.
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It naturally happens in fan spaces as well, which is another indicator that colorism as a tool for whitewashing is quite effective for audiences. If I see one more Zendaya fan cast for Kida from Atlantis, I will scream. It’s been happening for years, and I don’t think any of the people who just want to see her and Tom on screen either understand or care that Kida is a dark-skinned character. Zendaya doesn’t look anything like Kida- it doesn’t matter if she’s Black too! Just because someone is Black does not mean they can play every single Black character! I’ve even seen people fancast Emilia Clarke of Game of Thrones fame, to which… I don’t have the words. I can’t fathom what would cause these decisions other than racism.
The Common Excuses
I must be honest. I don’t really feel like re-iterating how certain things are not okay and how to fix them, because I’ve already discussed these things in massive detail. So I’m just going to direct the excuses I regularly hear to my lessons, where you can read up on them.
“Their hair/eyes are like that because they’re biracial so-”
Relevant Lessons: 2.1, 2.2, 2.3, 8, 9, 10
There is nothing wrong with having biracial characters with a range of features. I am not saying that! Because yeah, genetics do happen!
But I mentioned this in my last lesson, and I will re-emphasize here, that using biracial identity as a way to whitewash is a sinister form of racism. The intention here- the real intention- is the issue here! The idea that somehow this character can only look the way you want them to look by "diluting" their Blackness… I don’t know how you can explain yourselves out of that one.
You don’t get to use us as an excuse for diversity while still trying to maintain your preference for Eurocentric beauty standards. Black biracial people don’t always look light skinned, thin-haired and ambiguous, and even the ones that do don’t deserve to be treated as your fetish for pretend antiracism. If you just want to draw a white person with a tan, do that. But don’t change a character’s entire look just so you can work in some whiteness. If you want to claim that canon Black character’s mother was white, then I guess they inherited some of her personality because their features should not change.
“It’s my style/It’s the color-”
Relevant Lessons: 3, 4, 10
I hate all excuses for whitewashing, but I’ve grown to despise, hate, abhor and loathe this one the most as I’ve become an artist. I wish there were stronger words to describe just how much I hate the “style” and “color” excuse.
Are style and use of color oft intertwined? Absolutely. I’m not saying they aren’t. But out of everything, there are two things I want artists to understand:
1. Style does not cancel out racism! No style forces you to choose ashy greys and to change peoples’ features. That’s you! If you look at something, and it looks offensive, you change the style. You grow as an artist!
2. “Everyone who is brown will look ashy so I just-” if you recognize that your Black characters look strange in comparison to your nonblack characters, then it’s time to try something else! I don’t understand this sudden need for “realism” when it comes to color and lighting, but not when it comes to hair, for example. No one cares about realism when giving every and all Black characters wavy tresses they probably wouldn’t have, but suddenly milquetoast watercolor attempts at brown and off-putting lighting is “how it works”. That’s not fair.
The color picker is an available tool! I use it often!
Dead giveaway of purposeful whitewashing: if someone gets the outfit color palette right via color picking, but the skin color is multiple shades lighter. That means they were looking at that character and chose not to proceed.
Dead giveaway of purposeful whitewashing: if the white characters in the show are completely correct in their palettes. Again, that means they cared enough to look at everyone else… and not the Black characters.
If you use the color picker and the color picked is… disrespectful, you do not have to use that! You can simply choose a better color that is still similar to the brown that ought to be depicted!
“It’s the lighting-”
Relevant Lessons: 4, 5
If your white characters do not shine like snow in the sunlight because of your lighting, then your lighting does not make your Black characters suddenly light tan.
If your Black characters look bad in your lighting of choice- for example, putting a very dark-skinned character in electric white lighting can be ghastly- try changing the intensity or the color of the lighting. DON’T change your character’s skin color!
I'm going to show you some pictures of South Sudanese model Nyakim Gatwech. Pay attention to the choices of light, color, and makeup.
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Look how BEAUTIFUL she is! Look at the choices of intensity and color of light, and how they make her look different in each image.
Now look at this image in comparison:
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In this image, whoever did her makeup and took this picture did not take into consideration her skin tone. She's also under this really intense lighting. This is an example of "increasing the lighting does NOT make an image "better"". She didn't need to have lighter skin or "more lighting" to look good. She needed BETTER lighting, lighting that worked with HER.
To see this as an example in drawn art, @dsm7 makes an excellent argument for proper lighting and color, why it is an issue to use it as an excuse, and how to solve that problem.
‼️DISCLAIMER FOR NEXT EXAMPLE‼️
Okay. I am about to show y’all a fan-created example from my personal experience. It is a TEACHING EXPERIENCE ONLY. I am not including the artist’s name in this image. It happened a couple years ago, and it’s over- they’ve chosen to be who they are despite me kindly confronting them about it. The only reason I’m including it at all is because I feel like it would be remiss to have such a clear-cut, multi-level example, and not teach with it. That said, no, I am not telling anyone to act out towards them. Again, that is not what I’m telling you to do. The last thing I need is a literal lynch mob of angry nonblack viewership for trying to teach you all, and y’all sitting there watching it happen to me. Every example of whitewashing is not going to be so obvious, but I hope you learn how to spot the examples in the art you see and share.
I'm obviously a Hades fan, particularly of Patroclus- despite my disdain for the lack of effort in his canon character design. So I've seen a lot of things. That said:
“Well it’s just MY design of them-”
Relevant Lessons: ALL
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The sepia coloring did not do this. The lighting did not do this. The design is the exact same as the Hades version, even down to the shape of the hair curling in the back. The only thing that is different… is the man himself.
Y'all. Y'all! You CANNOT take a pre-existing Black character and say “oh well this is my design of them” …and the design is of a whole white person. Because if the rest of the fit is the same, and the only thing that changed is the Blackness… Racism. If you’re going to “make up your own design”, then do that!
“Blackwashing”
Speaking of: I’m sure someone edgy out there thinks they’re so smart as they retort to the screen: “but if that’s not okay, then why is Blackwashing okay?” To which I say- shut up. 😐
The “definition” by fandom: making a nonblack character Black, usually an anime character, but characters in general.
Funny enough, the actual definition in the dictionary (or closest to) is “to defame”, in contrast with whitewash (as in whitewashing history). Maybe racist fans ARE using it correctly when they say you’re blackwashing their characters, when they mean you’re making them “less likable because they’re Black now”. 🤔
Anyway: Blackwashing is not real for the same reason reverse racism is not real.
Me painting these characters brown is not going to take away from the fact that there are far more of you in media than there is of me. Me saying that I ‘headcanon a character as Black with 4C hair’ is not going to make the studio go “oh! Well they must be Black with 4C hair now!” Me saying “oh I think I’d like this character better if they were Black” as a beta tester (less overtly, obviously, because I’m not racist!) will never make a studio change that character. Black viewers have minimal value in comparison to the power of the white viewer’s dollar. I could draw white characters Black every single day of every single game media… and they would still produce majority white characters. There has not been centuries- if not millennia, when we consider Jesus Christ himself, even- of purposeful “Blackwashing” with the intent of removing the original ethnicity- and thus importance- of white people. No one has ever been allowed to forget when someone is white. No one has ever been allowed to forget or not acknowledge white people.
How it could be "solved"
Personally, I love Black edits and I welcome them here. I find them creative and fun. But if you really, REALLY didn’t want us to make those edits, then naturally, we need more Black characters in all of our media!
I wouldn’t have to make edits if I saw more of me to begin with in the things I like to watch- but when we have those characters, racists act an ass about them. We’re not allowed to even be present! I’ve seen too many gamer bros mocking the existence of Yasuke in Assassin’s Creed, and he was a real ass man. But if we made a game about African peoples in African societies, how many of the gamer bros would actually play those games? Do you think there’d be as much support, when we hear so much about Black characters that are treated so abhorrently? How many games do we have where people would love their faves just as much if they were Black? I even learned that Solas was apparently supposed to be a man of color. IMAGINE how many people would not have liked that man, with the same exact plot and characterization.
Something I’ve noticed recently: apparently "Blackwashing" is not a thing when White fans “allow” it. Take this recent trend with Miku. International Miku was beloved! But if you draw any other character as Black on any other day, there will be people that are horrid about it. Ask any artist, Black artists and Black cosplayers especially, who’s ever done it what their comments are like. I’ve read entire missives akin to white supremacist drivel on how it’s somehow morally wrong to make characters Black. Meanwhile no amount of “hey maybe you shouldn’t do this” prevented the movie Gods of Egypt from being created, with a cast full of British White people.
Solutions to Avoiding Whitewashing!
1) Using References!!
Do I think you should know what Black people look like? Yes. We’re humans. It’s 2024. Everyone knows what we look like when it’s time to hate and discriminate against us, so you know what we look like when it’s time to love and depict us. If you’re on Tumblr, you have access to the Internet. ESPECIALLY if you’re in the U.S., as Black people are the source of damn near every piece of online pop culture. If you can find my dialect to make my jokes, you can find pictures of me.
Would I rather you use a reference every single time so that you can only strengthen your depiction of my people? ABSOLUTELY.
Anyone on the Internet telling you not to use a reference or that you shouldn’t need a reference? Unfollow them. You don’t need that negativity in your life. Why would you deprive yourself of a tool to create? The greatest portrait painters in history had to look at their subjects! You are not getting paid nearly as much to do this as Hans Holbein, and he had to stare at Henry VIII correct else lose his head- you can pull up multiple references. I’d far rather be judged for using hella references than be judged for being a racist!
Part of the issue is people draw what they’re used to, what they’re comfortable with (thus last lesson). But if what you’re used to is not what someone will look like… That’s not okay. Their features are not the issue, your skills are the issue. Learn! Practice! There is no rush. No one is rushing you to be perfect at drawing Black characters, and no one is rushing you to post them. You can just practice! If you’re not a professional, you can take as long as you need to draw! If you need to draw that piece of hair over and over until you feel like you have down the shape, you do that! If you need to use a tool that would draw the hair for you, you get that tool!
If you want to post, you can say you are practicing! If you make clear you are practicing, then be willing to accept that people may have feedback. I’d far rather deal with someone saying they’re unconfident and practicing, than someone posting a whitewashed caricature and closing their ears because “well at least I’m trying!”
2) Empathize! Care about actual Black people when you create a Black character!
Imagine, if you will, in the Twilight Zone: you went to an artist, and you asked for a white character (I typed in “regular looking white dude” on google). There’s hardly ever any white characters, you’re so super excited about this one! You paid good money, because you’ve seen just how amazing this artist creates! They’re so good at drawing characters of color! But no matter how many times you ask, they send you back an image of… Assad Zaman.
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That man might be fine as hell! Gorgeous! Beautifully done! Chef’s kiss. Stunning! But… He’s not white. That’s not what you asked or paid for. You can’t even fathom how they mixed this up, they don’t even look alike! And when you confront them, they gaslight you, they call YOU the issue for not understanding how you can’t tell that this is a white man! They would never get this wrong! They have white friends, you’re the racist! But you’re not stupid, and you have functioning eyes- you can SEE what this drawing looks like! And… It’s not you.
It’s dehumanizing. It’s being told that there’s a “better way” to look like you, and that’s by… Not looking like you. You, as you exist, are what’s incorrect. Your identity is incorrect, not their drawing. It’s better to have thinner hair instead of an afro or locs, it’s better to have lighter skin, it’s better to have a straighter, thinner nose over a round one, and smaller lips.
And what makes it worse is knowing that people who don’t look like you? Probably won’t care. They won’t be willing to see- not unable, but unwilling- that playing with this caricature is harmful, that they’re propagating harm by not acknowledging it. They’re letting you know that your humanity means less to them than the clout received with a whitewashed or half-assed Black character, and that people will applaud them for that ‘attempt at inclusion’. And people will applaud! They will be entertained by the mere performance! And that hurts.
I’m going to say this, and it’s awkward and I try not to say it directly on here, but… Having Black friends and/or being around actual, real life Black people would help. I can tell from some of the questions I receive that Black characters and their traits- especially things like our hair and our cultures- are being treated as… alien concepts. But even if, for whatever reason, you legitimately don’t know any Black people, you do not need to know us individually to care about our humanity as a whole! Even if you do not know we’re there, we are, and we could possibly see your work!
By acknowledging Blackness and making room to understand what it means- and that includes how we can look- you are doing the bare minimum of acknowledging our personhood. If you cannot do even that, you don’t need to be drawing us.
Conclusion
Here’s the thing: if you want to draw a white man with tanned skin, do that. Just do it! You do NOT have to erase me to have more of you! There is not a single fandom where the majority of the white fans ever said “gee, not another white guy!” It simply doesn’t happen. God knows we wish it did sometimes. You will always have an audience for white characters. There’s no danger to any of you of “being erased”.
(Without putting on my political hat, I will say that a lot of white people who consider themselves to be far from white supremacist will express beliefs in line with great replacement theory if you push them hard enough. It is unfortunately not as uncommon an idea as you might think. I would do some self-evaluation.)
People are going to notice that you only ever draw white people, but… To be frank, that has never stopped anybody from being successful. Again, Jen Zee, at Supergiant with the terrible dark-skinned characters… Still has a job. at Supergiant. A professional studio. Dragon Age. Multiple games of consistent whitewashing and racist writing. Still going. If racism prevented creation and popularity, I wouldn’t have to have this blog. Alas, that is the society we currently live in.
But if you ACTUALLY want to depict Black characters, if you ACTUALLY want to do right and be respectful- not because you want the clout, but because it’s the right damn thing to do- then you need to commit! This means drawing them as they are meant to be! Accept that you’ll likely lose some fan base, who was there (whether they were aware of it or not) for the white and lighter skinned characters. Accept that this means that trying to appeal to those people by whitewashing characters is 1) wrong, 2) racist, which is 3) something you chose to do when you could simply have just… Drawn more white people.
I’ll say it again: antiracism is hard. It’s hard doing the right thing in a society that rewards racism so easily. It’s really hard knowing that people will stop supporting you or caring as much about your work when you start including Black characters as actively as you do white ones, especially if you start talking about the importance of it. But in my honest opinion, I’d far rather be someone that cared about others, with genuine fans, than someone that was racist for the fleeting internet clout of strangers. And that may be less ‘hopeful’ than I normally am in these lessons, but… People make choices. And people who have been informed- as you are now- are aware of the choices they are making. It’s the thought that counts, but the action that delivers- let’s choose better actions.
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gojosprettyprincess · 11 months ago
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Jujutsu Kaisen Men + How they'd moan w/audios.
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Tw - dirty talk, assplay in Suguru's, daddy kink in Nanami's, (Got a bit carried away in the geto one haha) also not proofread cause I got tired.
A/n this was requested so tysm to the person that requested it but a part of it is kinda a repost because I've already done something similar before but I hope you guys like it! Gojo, Geto, Toji, Choso, Nanami
Gojo Satoru
This is how Gojo sounds when he's close. (Ik this because he fucked me before so you can trust me on this)
He's very loud when he fucks you and he'd also whisper a lot of nasty shit to your ears while he's rutting his hips inside you, fucking you deeper into the bed while he has your legs over his shoulders, hissing and groaning at the way your tight cunt sucks him in so well, while your sinking your freshly manicured nails that he paid for into his back, decorating it with angry red marks and when he's close he'd be panting and breathing heavily on top of you, beads of sweat dripping from his forehead onto you from how much he's been fucking you.
"Fuckfuckfuck gonna fill you up so good baby, m'gonna stuff you so full of my cum, bet you'll like that yeah?".
Geto Suguru
This is how Suguru sounds while you're riding him in cowgirl position, he has a clear view of the way his cock slides into your soaked cunt every time you bounced on it, he just can't take his eyes off of it, the way your cunt would swallow his cock in and the way your ass jiggles every time you moved your hips, it was so hot. One thing that really caught his eye though was the way your asshole looked so neglected and desperate to be filled, he thought this would be the perfect opportunity to try something.
he spat on his right thumb, making sure to gets his spit all over it to use as lube before circling it around your hole, spreading his spit all around it then sinking his thumb slowly into the tight rim. He hisses as he felt how tight your ass was, clammed around his finger. He noticed how you started slowing down, and how your moans got so much louder, he lands a sharp slap on your ass. "Fuckkk sweetheart k-keep going, Fuck yeah, keep bouncing on my cock, yesss that's it, don't worry princess I'll make you feel s'good". He groans, feeling your cunt fluttering and cleaching around his cock.
He starts thumbing your ass, fucking his finger in and out of you matching your rhythm. "Holy fuck need you to cum, Be a good girl and cum f'me yeah?". He hisses, feeling you thrusting your hips faster and faster onto him, your brain gets all fuzzy and blank it was too much, both of your holes were getting stuffed and penetrated. You start feeling yourself getting closer and closer as you bounced yourself on top of him. "F-fuck sugu gonna cum, M'gonna cum!" you cried out. "Go ahead, cream on my cock baby you can do it fuckk", and that's all you needed to hear before you came undone, creaming all over his cock, rings of your nut appearing at the base of his cock, his thumb still buried in your ass to the hilt. He lets out a loud groan, looking at how your creamy cunt covered in cum. "Good fucking girl, see the mess you made on my cock baby?".
Toji Fushiguro
This is how he sounds when he's close, he doesn't really make that much noise while he's fucking you, maybe you'd earn a few groans and grunts once in a while because of your cunt but most of the time it's just dirty talk.
But when he's close, he gets so much louder and faster, he picks up his pace, hammering into you harder from behind while your face is buried into the pillow beneath you and landing harsh slaps onto the soft flesh of your ass while looking down to watch it jiggle everytime he thrust his hips against you. the sound of his cum filled balls that's waiting to be emptied inside your little cunny, slapping against your clit filling the room with each thrust along with your muffled moans. Your cunt was clamping around him like crazy because one thing about Toji, he always fucks you so good every damn time.
"Holy fucking shit, tight little cunt milking my cock so well, you gonna give me another kid baby or what?".
Choso Kamo
This is how he'd moan while you're on your knees sucking his cock and he's getting close; he'd be whimpering and moaning loudly while saying stuff like "pleasepleaseplease m'so close don't stop please" with tears prickling from his eyes while he's looking down at you. He begs you alot and he's also really sensitive so that makes him moan and whimper even more.
Nanami Kento
This is how he sounds when he's ramming his cock up into your poor messy cunny in his work office, purposely molding your tight hole into the shape of his thick girth as his large beefy hands gripping onto the back your thighs to hold your legs up into a full nelson-type positon but the difference is that he's sitting down and your back is leaning against his board chest.
His thrusts was hard and fast as he continues feeding your greedy tight cunt with his fat cock, loud pants and groans escaping his lips at the way your cunt tightens around his cock while he stretches you out. "Hah- oh fuckk such a good little slut, taking daddy's cock so well, s'good f'me baby". His deep and husky voice made you throbbing around his cock while he ruins you.
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444lotus · 5 months ago
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how i manifested (+revised) my dream body ౨ৎ
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This is my first post on my new account, though I am NOT new to the law and NOT new to loablr either. This post is specifically about how I manifested my dream body instantly with no technique besides knowing :)
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PART ONE - the old story
In the old story, I was so fixated on my body and my weight all of the time, I was tracking my calories and weighing myself and my food obsessively and constantly gaining and losing weight. Back then, my beliefs were that 1) Excess food causes weight gain, 2) If I don't track my food and weigh myself, I will become too fat/skinny, and 3) There is something wrong with my body, and I need to diet/exercise to fix it.
Noticing these beliefs were key to changing the way I viewed food and my body, and therefore changing how I knew food to effect me and how I knew my body to be.
When I was overweight, I knew my body was too big, I knew I was eating too much, I knew excess calories made me gain weight. When I was underweight, I knew I had no appetite, I knew I was too bony, I knew that exercise makes you gain muscle which is why I had none, etc. I had to identify the limiting beliefs that made me know my body was a certain way.
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PART TWO - writing the new story
Once I identified the beliefs that were holding me back and kept me from my goals ("I know I eat too much, even if I affirm I'm skinny, I'm still going to gain weight."), I could then change them. I wrote down a list of these beliefs, like I did above, and came up with reversals. For example;
"I overeat, so I will gain weight" -> "Calories aren't even real, so I can eat whatever I want and stay the same weight."
"I eat junk food, so I'll never be skinny" -> "I love how fast my metabolism is, I can eat junk all day and still stay so skinny." or "Junk food is just like other foods. Raspberries can't make me fat so neither can hamburgers."
"I don't exercise enough to be toned" -> "It's crazy how I'm naturally so toned and fit without trying."
The key for me was changing key beliefs that kept me dieting and exercising to lose weight, to sever the tie between calories consumed and weight, and hours exercising and muscles. These are limiting beliefs. We literally create our reality. Not ice cream, not soda and chips, none of that can overcome YOU as a divine creator. It sounds silly when you spell it out like that, doesn't it?
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PART THREE - how i did it
Okay, now we understand that the secret is to change the rules of our own reality to allow us to know a higher truth (my higher truth? I am a skinny legend). So how do we put this into practice?
All you have to do is know. You set these rules, so you know they are true, reality is bound to them. You must know you are successful, know that reality is in the 4d, and feel truly satisfied in that realm. You can do this using whatever method you need to, but personally, I just knew deep within me that I was my ideal weight, and that nothing could change that, that is simply the reality, that is simply the way things are. I thought about old pictures I took of myself, and remembered how skinny I looked in them, I thought about the last time I saw my friends and how much littler they said I'd gotten, I thought about the last time I stood on the scale and how it read the exact weight I knew myself to be. And I just knew, deep within me, that was simply how things were.
And the last step, for me, was to feel truly joyful at this realization. To feel satisfied it came into fruition. Without seeking confirmation, because I already KNEW.
And what do you know? Pictures of myself in my phone from weeks ago, they were my ideal body. The girl I saw in the mirror when I stood up from my meditation? She had my ideal body. My clothes? XS and S, all of them. I had revised my ideal body all the way back to the day I bought them. And confirmed this by checking pictures I took in the dressing room.
I'm telling you right now it is possible if you know in your heart you've always had your desire. It's always been fulfilled within you. You make the rules because you are a divine creator. Nothing outside of you can change what you know to be true.
That's all for now ౨ৎ
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heeseungsbm · 5 months ago
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thinking about fuck buddy jake... (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)
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₊˚⊹ pairing❥: jake x female reader
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jake's sex drive is extremely high. he can't remember the last time he was able to go a week without it, he's always horny so he's grateful to have you to accompany his needs when he calls. he loves a good quickie and doesn't really care where you do it. fucking you when and where you're not supposed to gives him a pleasurable adrenaline rush, and he's really good at not getting the two of you caught. ♡
you've fucked in numerous peculiar locations; the couch at his grandparent's house, a victoria's secret fitting room, a playground late at night, his little brother's closet— listen... being squished on his lap for an hour during hide and seek wasn't going to end any other way. you surprisingly haven't done anything in a movie theater yet, but he absolutely plans on it.
jake's favorite place to fuck you is definitely in his car where you can get loud as ever. he loves taking you to the back, bending you over and pounding your pussy until the seats get sticky with sweat and cum, the windows get so fogged up from both of your hot heavy breathing combined.
fuck buddy jake will always give you head before fucking you. he has the most plump, voluminous lips that make you feel better than any toy can. he'd whisper against your cunt that aches for him, spitting on it and smearing the saliva around with his digits to prepare you for his tongue+fingering combo. the way you look down at him with so much adoration when he's in between your legs makes him crazy hard, and it feels so good to give his cock slow strokes as he french kisses your pussy. he keeps a certain length to his hair solely because he loves how you run your fingers through it while he makes soft suctions on your sensitive clit, how you grip it hard to grind against his soft lips before cumming in his mouth.
you never cared for australian accents until you met your fuck buddy jake. the way he speaks is just saurrr sexy, his tone is soft and sweet with you and it makes a complete pool in your panties. you easily do anything he asks. he thinks it's so cute how embarrassingly wet you get from his voice alone, so he makes sure to talk you through your orgasms as much as he can when you fuck. most of all, jake loves to call you his good girl, it's his favorite line of praise. "you look so pretty taking my dick. you wanna be a good girl and cum for me?" he'd talk your head off during missionary, showering you in filthy compliments.
fuck buddy jake likes to text you consistently. sending good morning & goodnight texts just feels right to him, and he always insists you text that you made it home safely after you leave his place. he's the first person you send selfies to before you post them on social media, and of course he gets the exclusives, if you're picking up what im putting down. you two exchange nudes and sext back and forth during late horny hours, he desperately fucks his fist in his bed to the nasty messages that pop up on his screen. he likes to send you videos of him stroking his dick and cumming all over his abdomen with his face in the frame, you save and touch yourself to them when he's not able to come over ❤︎₊ ⊹
fuck buddy jake loves to mark your body, even though you're not officially his. he'd hungrily bite and suck on the sweet spots of your flesh, creating dark bruises in places only he gets to see. not your neck since its too obvious, but your tummy, in between your thighs, and his favorite place— your tits. he hates when you wear tops that expose your chest and will pull up your top when nobody is looking, because all his hickies reside there, which are only for his eyes only.
fuck buddy jake is a whiney moaner, he just cannot help himself with the way your warm walls grip and tighten around his cock. he gets really high pitched and breathless, really loud when he's about to cum. "shit, oh fuck you feel so good. im gonna cum inside you," he'd moan pathetically, throwing his head back as unbearable bursts of pleasure pulse through his body. the groans he makes during sex are probably your favorite part of the entire thing, they're needy and dramatic. when giving him blowjobs you purposely continue to suck and tease his tip after he cums, just to hear him whimper and beg you to stop because he sounds so cute >؂•̀
jake tries his best to last for you, but sometimes he physically can't. you love how easily he leaks his seed though, it's kinda hot... especially because his load is always so excessive and messy. he'll use a condom depending on if you want to, but you almost never do, you love to fuck raw thanks to your handydandy bc pill. his pull out game is terrible... but to be fair, the warm sensation of his semen shooting up inside you feels too good to ever want something between the two of you.
fuck buddy jake cares alot about your pleasure. with his past bodies all he cared about was getting his own nut, but with you its different. when you first started messing around, he read books and took notes on female anatomy to make sure he knew exactly how to make you feel good, how to thrust, where to lick, where to grope, where to suck. you'd think he was a virgin after going through his search history; "how to make a girl cum from head" "how to make her squirt" "how do you find a girl's gspot?" he knows better than to learn from porn. he gets so carried away like a complete nerd, sitting and watching educational sex videos for hours at night with his dick hard, planning what he'll do to you the next day.
fuck buddy jake calls you his girl/girlfriend jokingly, but deep down inside there's meaning behind it. he's had the gushiest crush on you ever since the first day you met, and having secret sex nearly every day only deepened his infatuation for you and made him fall in love. however, he would never confess unless you hinted at it first. he has a great fear of rejection and would hate to make things "weird" between the two of you if you didn't want something more than just moaning each other's names behind closed doors.
all he can do is cross his fingers, hoping that one day his dick game will make you cum to your senses.
(yes, that was a pun pls LAUGH)
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𝘴𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘯 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯!
🏷️ @emowonz cornered and bullied me to drop bye
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reblog if you enjoyed <3 pretty please💕 i'll do heeseung's tmrw most likely. have a goodnight/day/evening babe
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ubeb0nes · 10 days ago
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HCs of Sevika in Love ఌ
Congrats champ, you bagged a baddie!
**Reader is fem!
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It's not that Sevika has crazy high standards. Her wants in a partner are actually very straightforward; it's just that most people lack the base integrity and self-accountability to even catch her attention in the first place
I really don't think she'd ever fall for anyone from Piltover, there's just too many generations of trauma accompanied by a life lived under their foot for her to get past. She loves Zaun too much to ever love anything to do with Piltover
That said, she's attracted to the ideals she associates with the Undercity; perseverance, strength (doesn't have to mean physical), adaptability and loyalty. If you have her love, you most certainly earned it bae
For her, it's probably an "oh shit"/"oh no" type of singular moment, when she realizes she's fallen in love
Either you got hurt or in some position where her true feelings were forced out of her, OR it's during an achingly soft moment where it's clear how loyal/devoted you are to her, and only her.
Absolutely spends months denying herself. She will try to distance, reasoning that you're both better off without the notion of love walling you in.
Zaun is no place for that, she thinks. She recalls Felicia and her husband, dying together on that bridge while a twenty-something year-old Sevika, at the time, watched them fall.
The pain to know you couldn't save your loved one in your final moments (even worse to leave two young children behind). She couldn't imagine it. Didn't want to. Sevika knew that her road would end at a violent last stop, and she didn't want you anywhere near that. She thinks about having met you in a different place.
…But she can't fully hide how she feels about you, not ever. She may oftentimes be rough and ruthless, but even at her worst moment Sevika isn't a cold individual. She's too passionate about you, cares too deeply for where you are and how you are
So when you show up at her apartment to yell at her for being so cruel, for shutting you out of her heart instead of being a grown-ass woman and telling you what the fuck you did wrong, she lets you.
She lets you yell until you've tired yourself out, and then she pulls you into that embrace you missed so much. You hit her shoulder or her chest, weakly, because you love her like crazy and never wanna actually hurt her, and tell her to fuck off.
"I didn't wanna push you away, dumbass," she'll say to you, softly, as she presses a kiss to your ear, "You think I don't want you with me all the time? To tell you I love you and shit without it coming back to bite us in the ass? Of course I do. Of course I do. I just… I don't know how. But I'm gonna fuckin' learn, doll. I promise."
"You… you love me? Really?" "Doll, I don't even let Silco talk to me like that." "You asshole-!"
You're mad, but not really. How can you be? You two will make this work, she already gave you her word.
It's more likely for you to move in with her than vice versa. She lets you go ham on adding your personality to her living space, she doesn't have any strong preferences besides cleanliness
Always says I love you before she goes to work. Just in case. If you mess with her and don't say it back, she will get up in arms about it within two seconds of silence
"I could die, you know." "Babe, I'm just joking!" "Do you see me laughing??"
Obviously, lets her drama queen side show more. She's just all-around looser once she confesses.
She makes sure you know how different you are from others, how special you are. Even her posture is different the moment you're within arm's reach
Body language and physicality are Sevika's main fluency. When in love, you notice the way she angles her body protectively around yours in public, or how she always urges you to link your arm with hers when you walk.
You notice that she almost looks… smaller at home. You realize this is on purpose. She makes herself less intimidating when it's just you, lowering herself to your level and opening her posture to you
At home, she likes kneeling by your side when you're sitting on the couch, checking you over or pressing slow kisses to your hands.
Devoted, devoted, devoted. She never wants you to forget.
Every time you call her name, she always stops what she's doing to give you her attention.
"Sevi?" "Yes, baby?" Every time. It's grounding for you both, in a way
Her henchmen become your henchmen. They know better than to say no to your requests for their help. (Ran is down for antics with you regardless!!)
People all over the Undercity start to recognize you as "Sevika's woman". Not her "girl", you garner too much respect for that
You are the only person Sevika answers to besides Silco. Her close circle teases her that you turn her into a little lovestruck puppy
It's really only them who are even capable of teasing her about this, because her changes in behavior are so minute but so important
She puts out her cigarillos when you sit down with her. She always shifts you over to her left side (the side most capable of protecting you). Her eyes start scanning the room more frequently than before you'd arrived.
She figures out over time that she was wrong. When she holds you against her while you sleep, and you grab her hand half-consciously to press kisses to her wrist, she knows you don't make her weak
When you whisper that you love her against her neck while you sway in the kitchen, moving to whatever music vibrates from the depths of her beloved city, she knows you don't make her weak
When you pull her back together without fail, remind her that she is more than just a grunt in a revolution, a soldier that can be replaced, she knows you don't make her weak
There isn't anything she wouldn't do to get back to you. She has to live long enough to know what a good life in a liberated Zaun looks like with you
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