#in a way that doesn't make me look like a crazy person but it is 1 am and i am officially going to sleep

[sunsetsover]

there's something about that scene in the pool. bc like. bison and kant are recreating the car scene from titanic. and kant is supposed to be jack and bison is supposed to be rose. and bison takes kant's hand and kisses all his fingers like rose does jack. but the thing is that bison isn't laying in kant's arms like rose is laying in jack's. it's kant that's laying in bison's arms. kant who is held and kissed like rose is. kant who's hand slams against the window - and it's pretend and it's a question but still. he's still asking aren't you gonna do that to me too? and bison is like sure, once i have you in a real car. and it's like. when did kant become rose? when did bison become jack? at what point did things change?

obviously kant lying on bison's chest is supposed to be a neat parallel to the swing scene. but i think it's more than that. and i admit i am famous for reading too much into things, but i think it's probably kind of lowkey a commentary on their relationship too. bc like... kant and bison have never fit into a neat little box when it comes to their relationship OR their sexual dynamic. even sitting here i'm having a hard time articulating it properly bc it's like... it's own little thing. you just have to see it and let it talk for itself. and i think some people have a hard time w that, either bc they don't like unorthodox relationship dynamics (boring!) or they're so locked into what a relationship between 2 men is 'supposed' to be like (and this goes doubly so where kantbison r concerned imo bc of the age and the size difference) that they can't understand what they're seeing in front of them. bison lays in kant's arms and it's 'see! how can bison be a dom! he just thinks that's what he wants bc of the trauma of his upbringing but he's clearly the baby!'. which is just like... crazy to me.

bc can you not feel it? can you not feel that kant is literally completely at bison's mercy? how, while clearly bison isn't super interested in maintaining a dom/sub dynamic outside of sexual situations, there's always an undercurrent of it anyway now? of kant being completely tuned into bison's frequency? bc yes, it's true that kant does baby bison physically with all his kisses and affection and the way he tucks him under his arm and helps him flip fish and hold the hammer at the arcade bc it's too heavy. but it's also true that he kind of behaves like a kid around bison sometimes. he whines and he brags and he pouts and he makes silly jokes. it's always kinda been there, but over the past few episodes you can really see it in their little moments together. how he acts immature. how he rambles. how he seeks bison out. bc it's safe now! bc he trusts bison to look after him! he knows now he can be silly and brattish bc that's how bison likes him! he doesn't have to be cool or suave anymore. he can put it all down and let himself be looked after for once.

and don't get me wrong, it's subtle! and it's not constant! their personalities are still undoubtedly there - kant still still looks after bison, and bison also still pouts and whines and acts childish in his own way. but it's different now. there has just been this very subtle shift that's probably come as a result of the truth being out and all being forgiven and also probably bison proving that if kant safewords, he really will stop - even in the most extreme of situations. and i think the scene in the pool really epitomizes that shift for me.

bc they're comfortable like that now. all that apprehension they both used to have in the early eps is completely gone. and so kant plays jack and bison plays rose, but when bison pulls kant through that metaphorical window, the dynamic changes. what was just a background hum starts to buzz louder between them. bison kisses his fingers like rose does, but instead of being held, he's the one holding, and that's on purpose. they both know it. so kant lets himself be held now. lets himself be doted on and kissed stupid. and it clearly affects him quite a lot bc you see him swallow heavily twice and his eyes keep slipping closed and for a few seconds you see him go all hazy eyed and distant. and when bison assures him he WILL fuck him once he gets him in a real car he hits him with the 'you promise 🥺️'. like how am i not supposed to say sub idk.

anyway. this was rambly and idk if it made any sense to anyone but me but i just think the way kantbison's relationship dynamic is not being clean cut or easy to pinpoint while it's also still always clear as fucking day exactly what is going on is so neat. and also kant is undeniably bison's big baby <3

[allthemeninmybed]

The itch

Part I

Summary: Reader is a friend of the band but III doesn't like her too much and the feeling is mutual. Or is it?

Pairing: III x fem!reader

Warnings: non, YET

Word count: 2930

A/N: The start of a bit of a slow burn, I hope you like it, please, don’t forget to give me feedback! 🖤

He spotted the familiar face across the room and his stomach tied into a knot. She got under his skin with her almost bubbly personality, she had this ability to make everyone feel like they were the center of the universe.

Everyone but him.

“Hey guys!”

You wave across the bar, not surprised by III’s unimpressed face. Approaching them your heart beats like crazy, you know he doesn’t quite like you, you just don’t know why.

III’s teeth gritted at your voice, lips pursed as he lifted his gaze with a muttered course.

Great, what I needed.

“Evening darling.” – he said, the sarcastic term of endearment rolling off his tongue like a spit of venom. He raised a hand in a half-assed greeting before taking another swig of his drink. IVy, on the other hand, seemed to light up like a bloody Christmas tree anytime you were around.

The twat.

You great the others with a short hug, obviously leaving III out, you’re not pretending to be close though you know him better than he’d like to admit.

“Where’s Ves?” – you ask cheerfully.

“He’s got a cold. Bit of a cough.” – II responds with a shrug.

IVy was eyeing you, sizing you up with his usual easygoing smile. Sometimes III wondered if he just wanted to get into your pants. He sure seemed like it.

“Said he needed a night off, don’t blame him.”

“Oh… what a shame.”

You say, noticing IVy looking at you and III looking at IVy from the corner of your eye.

“What are we drinking? I feel like gin tonight.”

You smile at them, even at III who seems to be annoyed by it, as always. If only you knew what was his fucking problem with you.

“I’ll get the next round for you boys, okay?”

You were always so happy. Too damn happy, it was getting on his nerves.

“Gin, of course.” – he says, rolling his eyes.

“The drink of choice for those who can’t handle real alcohol.”

“Oh, and what do you consider as real alcohol?”

You can’t take it, you need to comment.

“Anything but whatever fruity shite you’re drinking.” – he says with a scoff.

“You’d probably pass out if you had a good whiskey.”

II rolls his eyes, mumbling something about not starting this again while IVy grins at your retort.

“So what? How old are you, 19? You know what, I don’t give a fuck about who could drink more of what, I’m gonna get gin for myself and beer for you guys and anyone who doesn’t like it can bite me.”

III’s opening his mouth but you’re not in the mood.

“Oh just shut it already.” – you say chuckling, well aware that it’s gonna fuck him up.

You turn around and make your way to the bar, swaying your hips a little more than you should.

I know you’ve won this battle but the war is far from over.

III’s eyes follow you as you walk away, his irritation mixing with a hint of admiration for your feistiness. His gaze quickly falls to your hips and his jaw clenches. The view did something to him, his body reacting in ways he’d rather not think about.

Bloody hell.

The night goes on by rather fun after all this, the boys are easy to talk to and III seems to hate you less and less as you drink more. Or at least he’s not insulting you in every fifteen minutes, which is a progress. You catch him look at you a few times but you don’t make a big deal out of it because tonight IVy’s doing the same, it doesn’t really matter.

III can’t help but notice that too, a pang of something unexplainable stirs in his chest. He’s practically drooling over you every time you speak or laugh.

Bloody prick.

“I think it’s time for me to go.” – you say softly, you’re dozing off faster than you should.

III glances up at you, noticing the slight slur in your words and the way your eyes flutter a bit too slowly. Your cheeks are flushed and he can’t help but feel a little bit of… concern? Clearing his throat, he mutters.

“You sure you’re okay to get home? Alone?”

The words come out rougher than he intended, he can taste the slight bitterness in his mouth.

Why am I concerned?

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I’m a big girl.” – you say, your smile directed at him, not even acknowledging II and IVy now. You’re almost ashamed to admit that it feels good to have him worrying about your safety.

“Yeah, sure. You’re a big girl until a creep jumps you.”

II and IVy just watch, confused look on their faces until III throws them a glare.

Keep your mouths shut.

He finishes the last of his drink before rising from his seat, feigning aloofness as he glances at you, silently offering his company. There it is again, that feeling of protectiveness. It’s unfamiliar and he’s not sure he likes it.

“Who are you…?” – you ask in an overexaggerated manner.

You wanna go on but you don’t push your luck. You want him to walk you home. He rolls his eyes at your comment but there’s a hint of a begrudging smile in the corner of his mouth. He hates how cute he thinks you are when you’re all giggly and slightly drunk like this.

“Yeah, yeah, spare me the sarcasm. Just don’t puke on my shoes or something, I ain’t your bloody babysitter.”

“I’ll try my best.” – you say as you giggle and wave goodbye to the boys.

The two of you step out of the pub into the cold November night, walking in silence for a bit but you can’t keep your mouth shut.

“Why are you doing this..?”

III stuffs his hands into his pockets, ducking his head against the cold.

“Doing what?” – he asks innocently.

He knows damn well what you’re talking about but he’s not gonna admit it because…

Why am I doing this?

He doesn’t have a good answer.

“Come on, quit it…” – you say teasingly.

“It’s so out of character, walking me home and all this shit.” – you pause and add a comment in an attempt to stir him up.

“IVy would’ve probably offered to walk me home anyway…”

“Yeah, I bet he fucking would have.” – he mutters under his breath, a little too loudly.

The though of him walking you home, his hands all over your drunk, curvy frame…the though makes his blood boil.

“Oh for the love of…” – he stops dead in his tracks and turns his face to you, blue eyes darkened in the dim street light.

“…and what, would you preferred it if it was him?”

You’re taken aback, eyes going wide and your mouth opening without a single words coming out. His sudden and unexpected reaction caught you by surprise.

“No. Actually, no…” – you say softly, looking up at his somewhat grim face as he’s towering over you.

III’s heart stutters at your words, a strange mixture of relief and surprise coursing through his veins.

“No?” – he repeats.

His body is tense as he looks down at you. For some strange reason this whole thing is making his pulse race and his breath catch in his throat.

Why do I want to hear you say it again.?

You don’t say anything, you just shake your head twice, slowly, letting it sink in. He’s staring at you like never before, you can’t read him and it’s infuriating. You’re not sure what to say or do, you feel like he’s controlling the situation and you just react to him.

The way you’re looking up at him, the way you so easily turned tables with a quiet admission…it’s unnerving. And yet, there’s a stirring he can’t quite ignore. Something deep within him, a primal sort of possessiveness that screams he wants to be the one to walk you home, he wants to be the one to make sure you’re safe. He wants to reach out, to touch you, to hold you…

Why am I being so fucking soft?

“Thank you…”

Though your voice is a whisper it snaps both you and him from this indescribable state.

He swallows, the huskiness of your voice sending a shiver down his spine like electricity.

“Just… shut up.” – he mutters, averting his gaze.

He starts walking again, the silence between you more comfortable than before, as if some of the walls are coming down.

“Okay, okay…”

You chuckle as he tells you to shut up, his somewhat usual mannerisms coming back but it still feels different. It doesn’t seem like hate and despise anymore, rather teasing and banter.

As you’re catching up to him the thought of your arm linking with his comes to his mind but he immediately brushes it off.

Get it together, you fool.

He glances over at you, his eyes flitting over your figure every so often, taking in the way your hips sway, the way your hair frames your face.

“Yeah, yeah… you never seem to know when to shut up.” – he says almost in a warm tone.

“Someone has to keep you occupied, yeah?” – you tease him, the cold air sobering you up a little.

You need to hurry beside him, his long legs are carrying him way faster than your short ones do little old you.

His gaze flickers over to you, the way your cleavage is slightly visible from where he is, just enough to keep his mind reeling. He has to bite his tongue to keep him from saying something stupid.

“Keep up you midget.”

“Oh fuck you.”

You want to stop yourself but you can’t, you laugh out loud.

“You fucking lamp post.”

“Lamp post?” - a scoff leaves his lips.

“At least I’m not the size of a bloody bonsai tree.”

He chuckles, shaking his head as he glances down at your shorter frame, imagining all the ways he could manhandle you.

You’d like that, wouldn’t you…Fuck, pull yourself together.

Your laughter gets louder and heartier, no one has ever called you that, it’s genuinely funny.

“You fucker.” – you say, trying to stop the laughing.

III grins, the laughter slipping out if your lips warms his heart more than he cares to admit.

“Language, hobbit.” – he teases.

“Okay, you Ent.” – you giggle as you’re getting closer to your apartment.

“Well at least you know your Tolkien, that’s something.”

He looks down at you, taking in your flushed cheeks, the way your hair falls across your face. He glances at the upcoming building, the realization sinking in that the night is coming to an end. A pang of disappointment hits him but he does his best to ignore it.

“This is your place then?”

“Not this, the next one.” – you say, probably unsuccessful in masking your disappointment that you have to part ways.

Seeing the building he looks back at you, taking in the way the light from the street lamp casts shadows on your face. His gaze lingers on your lips for a moment, his fingers itching to touch you.

“Well, I guess this is goodnight.” – he mutters, stuffing his hands in his pockets to stop himself from doing something stupid.

Don’t touch her…

“Yes…” – you say softly as you’re searching for your keys.

Having found them you turn to him, his icy blue eyes burning a hole in you as he’s looking down.

“Thank you, again.” – you almost whisper.

“No worries.” – he replies, his voice gruff, almost a low growl.

His eyes travel down your face, lingering on your lips, on your neck… He clenches his jaw, fighting the urge to reach out, to pull you closer, to feel your softness against him. The two of you nod and he stars to walk away when you do something you’ll probably regret later.

“III…!” – you call out to him.

He stops mid-stride, turning around to look back at you. His heart jumps as he hears his name spill from your mouth, the sound of it sending a shiver down his spine.

“Yeah…?”

He turns to you, his expression schooled into a familiar mask if ignorance, trying to hide the effect your voice has on him.

You walk towards him and without a word you hug him. You’re not sure why you’re doing this but it feels right at that moment.

Bloody hell.

His whole body stiffens at the unexpected contact, the feel of your arms around him sending a wave of heat through his veins. For a moment his mind goes blank and he stands there like a statue, unable to move, to speak, to breathe. Then, as if a dam has burst, his arms envelop you, pulling you tightly against his body, one hand slipping into your hair, the other at the small of your back pressing you close to him.

The feeling of his long bony fingers in your hair makes you swallow hard, you gasp. His tall slender figure against your soft curvy one feels indescribably comforting, you don’t want to pull away from him, not yet.

Just a few more seconds of this, please.  

His breath hitches as your body melts against his, the feel of your softness driving him crazy. He tightens his grip, his fingers tangling in your hair and pulling slightly, his breath fanning over your ear.

“Fuck…” – he mutters, the word escaping his lips like a prayer.

He knows he should pull away; he knows this is a dangerous boundary he’s crossing but he can’t bring himself to care. Instead, he pulls you closer.

Hearing him curse as his breath is hot and damp against your ear you roll your eyes at the sensation. Unable to control yourself you let out a soft and quiet moan, hoping he didn’t hear me but I know he did. We’re practically melted against each other.

His ears prick up at the sound that escapes your lips sending a spear of desire straight between his legs.

That sound, that beautiful breathy sound… He wants to hear it again. Over and over, until your voice is hoarse from screaming his name…

He swallows hard, fighting to keep himself under control, to keep his hands wandering around you body, to keep his lips claiming yours

“God, I…” – he murmurs softly, his voice barely above whisper.

You suddenly come to the realization that he’s heard you and shame is starting to creep up inside. You pull away from him, your tone apologetic.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, sorry to have hugged you, I…” – you’re a mumbling mess as you’re moving towards the door.

Fuck, what is happening?!

“Wait, love…”

The nickname slipping before the has a chance to stop it. He swallows, trying to regain some degree of composure and it’s taking all his willpower not to pull you back to him.

Your mind doesn’t even register what he’s just called you, you’re desperate to get inside your flat, you feel like you’ve done something to be ashamed of.

“Thank you… thanks for walking me home, it meant much to me, good night… bye, sleep well…” – you’re spurring.

His heart sinks as he watches you make a beeline for the door, he can see the shame in your eyes and it's tearing him apart.

“(Y/N), wait… please…”

He tries to keep his voice level but the desperation bleeds through. He wants to say ‘don’t be sorry, there’s no need to apologize, this was the highlight of my day’, but the words stick in his throat. Instead, he takes a step forward, closing the distance between you.

You slip inside the door before he could reach you, it locks behind you with a loud click.

“I’m sorry! Good night, I’m sorry…!” – you shout, on the verge of crying, the reason unknown to you.

You can’t comprehend the turmoil you feel and it fucks you up.

He stands frozen in place, his hand outstretched, his heart in his throat. The sound of the door closing, locking him out is like a punch to the gut. He can still feel the imprint of your body against his, the memory of your scent, the sound of your voice but now he’s left alone in the cold, wondering what’s just happened, why you’re apologizing, why he’s feeling like he’s just been sucker-punched. He clenches his jaw, the urge to hit something, anything, almost overwhelming.

You hurry up to your flat, taking two steps at a time. You don’t know what’s gotten into you but you feel you were in the wrong. He hates you, right? And you don’t like him either, right?

How are you going to crawl out of this weird hole?

He's still standing in front of your apartment, feeling like the biggest idiot on the planet, contemplating what the hell has just happened. Did you know what you were doing when you pressed that delicious body against his? Or when you wrapped your arms around him just begging to be held? And then there was that moan, the sound that’s been playing on loop in his head since he’s heard it. A moan that made his knees go weak. A frustrated growl escapes his lips as he’s starting to walk home.

You carefully look out your window, watching him walk away,

My fucking god, why did I have to hug him?

It's just complicated everything

But he felt so good against me…

You will blame it on the alcohol if it ever gets brought up, yeah.

Like a coward.

But that’s the best you can do for now.

There’s a part two coming! Stay tuned loves.

My lovely tag list so far 🖤

@yeehaw-my-guys

[aft3rhrs]

Hey guys! 🩷 Thank you so much for your asks and messages 🩷

Honestly I just wanna get something off my chest. Someone asked me if I'm leaving or using a new blog. Both? I made a new blog, but somehow the thought of coming back here still feels so uncomfortable. And I realised it's because I addressed and worked through the 'hate' part and all.

But... there is also an issue I have had with my own readers that I didn't expect to have.

Look, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having your kinks and all. My blog itself is pretty crazy.

But... it's fictional.

It seems not only 'haters' can't separate reality from fiction, but sometimes readers too.

There is a reason I have never called my blog a "kink blog" (again, nothing wrong with that!), but rather stuck to horror.

I have talked about this before but as my interest in darker shows and works grew, I wanted to write a horror story and I realised I had no idea how to, because I have spent all my life writing pg 13 romance and fantasy 😭

I wanted to get out of my comfort zone and challenge myself. So I jumped into deep waters with requests, hoping for inspiration, and for the first time tried writing horror AND smut.

I love storytelling, I love exploring new things in writing, so even though the smut part is so big on my blog, I always give my characters personalities and back stories (at least I try lmao) and dive into their mental state because... I love writing.

And I did always want my blog to be a safe space for everyone... but that's including myself.

And I feel like some people just.... I'm sorry I'm just gonna say it.

What do you mean you want a fic based on the The Burning Sun Scandal. WHAT DO YOU MEAN. 😭 What do you mean you want me to write about your cousin. 😭😭

Am I crazy??? That's a REAL tragedy, guys, and it's so fucking upsetting and disrespectful to the survivors. And no one even stops to think the author might be upset or triggered bc they're a survivor too or bc this is, again, A REAL TRAGEDY????

It's like watching murder on a screen. It doesn't affect you the same way a real life murder with a real victim would! But it might still be too upsetting or violent so warnings exist for that.

"Um you write non con that happens in real life too" absolutely. But I am not getting inspo from REAL CASES involving REAL PEOPLE and real trauma. The people, places, events, are MADE UP, and if any feelings or situations are inspired by experiences, they're MY OWN experiences, and even then my work is far from reality.

I am not glorifying Dahmer and writing smut about him ok?

😭😭😭

And the thing is we talked about this before and I thought I made that super clear on my blog, always.

If it wasn't before, then I guess this is the post I'm gonna have to pin somewhere.

I just... I expected this from the tea blog clowns, who are shocked a writer writes fictional non con but advocates for real victims 😭 Like you write about war and suddenly you're a real life dictator. 😭

It's OK to make mistakes and learn. I'm just so so so tired of dealing with people who don't care to learn and it almost makes me feel bad for writing here. I know I can't be responsible for my readers and I can't control who follows me. But just.

If it wasn't clear before. Even though I have this in my intro post.

I'm sorry if you were looking for something else, there are other blogs for that. I'm just a writer writing fictional stories.

The only Burning Sun Scandal fic I would ever write would be with all the men getting, literally, burned to death. 💀

Anyway. Sorry, I had to get that out, I feel like I have had so much to deal with on this blog and I'm just working through it.

Take care of yourselves 🩷 hope you're all staying warm and eating well.

I will be back around to check in soon, maybe edit a fic? Who knows, maybe getting this out will make me feel better. Love you sm 🩷🫂

[kiefbowl]

i'm curious about your thoughts on medical transition, which you've said you aren't against. for me, the medical modifications i've made to my body are more about the material qualities of my body than a specific 'gender goal' - my breasts caused back and neck pain, i didn't want to be able to get pregnant, when i was on testosterone it was equally about the potential effect on my chronic health conditions as it was the aesthetics. but i also feel like i have a pretty different relationship to the concepts of gender and having a body than some trans people seem to, in both public and private. i don't think people should be rushing down a checklist of medical procedures without personal reflection and i think the social pressure to do a 'full' transition for the 'right' reasons is getting worse and will have (and has already had) ill effects. but i don't really think that's something policy can address effectively.

anyway. interested in your thoughts!

Well, to clarify - I think well informed adults get to decide these things for themselves. I don't think it's necessarily a good or best choice, and I don't think most people are well informed about these things. I can concede, though, that I don't know the particulars of everyone's life, so how can I objectively say what has been beneficial to someone's life and what hasn't. For example, if you were to ask me in a vacuum and divorced from all contexts if a nose job is better than someone attempting suicide, unequivocally my answer is yes of course. But I don't think a nose job is the root of what's causing someone's suicidal thoughts. People want nose jobs not because they're perceiving their nose as correctly ugly. But also, can I imagine how horrible the ceiling of bullying is to push someone into that headspace? Yeah, of course. My hope is that someone who's not a cosmetic surgeon intervenes first.

Cosmetic surgeons though...it doesn't behoove them to provide alternate ways of thinking. They're also not psychologists. They have to sell surgery to make money. Every incentive is there to agree with you that you're right: you're unhappy because you are capital U Ugly! Or capital WM Wrongly Made! And surgery will give you that happiness. I don't trust them, I don't like them, I don't think they do good work.

I will be frank about my own body right now, I've mentioned this before, but people can get weird about it - I have extremely large breasts. I'm not going to post a pic to prove it, so you'll just have to trust me. I've had above sized breasts since twelve, they are extremely cumbersome, I do think they've impacted my body's health in negative ways. When I was 20, I pursued breast reduction but wasn't willing to jump through the hoops asked of me to get insured, so I dropped it. Looking back now, I don't regret it, but I do wonder how my life would have been different if I had gone through with it. When I get the itch, when I think what a little fat off and a tiny lift could impact my life, I research like crazy. Each time, the older I get, the more dubious I am that I could get the magical results I really want. I can't get any surgeon to give me confidence they could prioritize what I prioritize. They can talk a big game, try to sell me, but they can't give me the confidence I need to ensure they wouldn't go beyond the changes I would want and make sure I wouldn't lose sexual feeling in my breasts. I think I'm a highly skeptical with a big bullshit detector, and if you really push a plastic surgeon to explain how they would achieve or avoid something, I find they come up empty. Maybe other people have different experiences, but I find they just push statistics at me. Let me tell you something: losing sexual feeling in my breasts would feel like ruining my life more than the bullshit I put up with having big boobs. I'm not willing to risk "only happens to 5%" or whatever. And that isn't even how pushy they are to make me feel like I need a huge lift and reshape, push how sexy I could be if I would just trust them to make "the perfect breast". It's humiliating to me.

This is all to say that I am not unsympathetic to why women look to cosmetic surgeons for diverse reasons, and if a woman has gone that route and it's impacted her life for the better, that's awesome and I have no interest in changing her mind.

But to your point about gender transition (which I'll use that term for the sake of being understood, but I don't think those words are accurate), I do see anecdotally trans influencers (or just GNC influencers) that appear to be pushed into more and more surgery. Not only is the pressure there to make content, but I think it's downstream of what's going to be an issue for most people seeking out cosmetic surgeries: these surgeries aren't fixing the root of the issue and can never feel complete. You can't change your sex, these surgeries are superficial - so they don't give the desired results long term. That breaks my heart honestly, because surgeries of this kind are not reversible. And the people who win out are surgeons who are happy to charge you again and again.

When it comes to policy - I don't think the solution is to address only gender transition. The entire industry should be under scrutiny. However, this will always run up against the issue of defining the difference between a "necessary" surgery and a "cosmetic" surgery, and I'd rather be in the camp that says "well informed adults get to decide these things for themselves" than push for legal repercussions for quote unquote purely cosmetic surgery. Downwind of that is some nasty stuff, like denying abortion or denying disabled people certain care, among other things we could imagine.

[batheir]

"just like you make fun of me!? ALL the time? maybe i'm tired of just taking it.. that seems to piss off the actual bullies off really well every time that happens though. they hate it when their victims get tired of it, so it gets turned on them. you're just proving it." people who are kind, finally get tired of being kind after being stomped on and then looked at like the bad guy EVERY single time... this situation, no different. and it's shocking most of all... because she didn't think he would act like this, out of all people. "i've already told you!" she isn't explaining it again and again, when she's already did that... it clearly won't matter so there's no use. and at this point, he's starting to successfully make her feel crazy, almost tricking her brain it really is just all in her head? maybe this girl is absolutely innocent, maybe it's just alex who's been causing the weird vibe. no, not when there's so much proof, it's not her fault he's blind to it. she can't let him manipulate her.

"that's so degrading. you're revolting." if he can talk like that, demean her, sexualize her, how is it not likely that he's just been attempting to be her friend so she can be another poppy? at this point, revealing what a totally different person he's revealed himself in being, helena doesn't trust it anymore. that would make sense, would it not? why he doesn't seem to value her as his friend, like he does his other one who clearly doesn't care to give him what he wants? "maybe it's you taking out your frustrations, that's why i'm not that important. that's why you've revealed your true colors. i get it now." because she's not initiating things in the way he wants her to so she can be another side whore. "clearly i do, since you fit EVERY criteria of one." the sometimes nice to her, sometimes terrible to her part. thinks he's superior part. lack of empathy part. envy of others part. "is that your problem with me? you hate me because i come from a family with money? you really ARE just like everybody else," tears flying out of her eyes now, rosy painted cheeks flushed with heated rage. "say what? putting words in my mouth? but sure, since you said it.. it must be true." something must've made him so emotionally unavailable and that must be the start of it.

eyes briefly flickering from the road to the brake, she's almost at the exit she needs to fly down to sarah's auditorium that she's putting the puzzle pieces together from the small glimpse of the name from the post she managed to dig up before he snatched it away. and she's losing the upper hand, mind quickly circling on how to take back control. "pull the brake at this speed and we'll crash." that's just the facts, he can't pull it or they'll go spinning. and it angers her he thinks he can just take control, so her foot hits the acceleration even harder to ensure he can't pull it even if it risks getting pulled over as jaw clenches and eyes focus back on the lanes she's hanging the hard curve with. left arm jerking back when her wrist is left stinging at his slap, "WHY are you smacking me?! you're the one trying to kill us! i can drive this car PERFECTLY FINE if you'd stop trying to jerk the wheel and make it come to an abrupt stop!" shoving him away from her when he calls her insane and essentially calls her a homewrecker which is so far from the truth it's disgusting, she's done with the conversations about poppy... this is about sarah now.

"why are you running from sarah now? you have something you want to say to her, remember. so i'm just doing what you SAID." TAKING him to sarah, just like he SAID. "please, you think you're the big bad man here? 9-1-1 would easily take you. hitting a woman, and with daddy's money," mocking him, "remember," a new fresh wave of tears flooding her face because she hates he uses something out of her control against her, that he reminds her of all of the people who has always judged her for being the heiress to a wealthy family, and with her emotions angry and spiraling, of course she wants to use it to make threats and sarcastic jabs at him because of how much it hurts when she thought he was her friend and he just keeps driving the dagger DEEPER, "you could go to prison for life." he wants to judge and label her as some rich brat, make her feel like a terrible person because of the background she comes from, then that's what he deserves to get.

“poppy wrong?   and you expect me to take you seriously?   i thought we’d left the whole let’s make fun of this person’s name thing in middle school,  but apparently some of us stay bullies forever.”   shaking his head and grimacing in disgust,  alex feels utterly repulsed by helena’s behavior,  even more so knowing what his best friend had been through.   how can it be that the same person who keeps talking about kindness stoops so low?   “or,  here’s a wild concept,  she doesn’t actually hate you.   this whole problem is one-sided,  and it’s a you problem,  helena.   poppy doesn’t call you names or make fun of you,  and here you are insulting her for no reason at all.   what gives you the right to judge her like this?   you barely know her.”   he catches a glimpse of her glassy eyes,  but instead of making him want to sympathize with her,  all it does is…   bring in a fresh wave of annoyance to the fire already burning inside his chest.   his jaw set,  temples throbbing.   “you’re giving me a migraine with these conspiracy theories.”   fucking brat.   spoiled little bitch.   

“yeah,  fuck me.   hey,  maybe that’s your problem.   you just need a good —”   fucking,  but what’s left of his stoic nature refuses to say it out loud.   the word hanging in the air between them,  anyway,   “and harry won’t deliver so you’re taking the frustrations out on poppy.   is there a psychological term for that,  too?”   since she loves to throw this whole psychological bullshit in his face.   “that’s another difference.   i don’t give two shits about what my father thinks of me,  not all of us are bound to our daddies by their money.   is there a punishment for bad words at your house?   are you not going to spend the winter break in the maldives if you drop one more bad word?”   something snaps inside of him and he can’t remember the last time that happened,  must have been years and years ago.   maybe when his mother died and he told the nurse who came to console him to fuck off.   hadn’t happened once since then…   well,  up until now.

“i’m a —   a what?   a narcissist?   how am i a narcissist?   do you even know what that means?   and i’ve never once shat on you,  helena.   i don’t know what scenarios you’re coming up with in your head,  but they’re crazy.”   the biggest asshole.   it makes him want to rage because he’s been nothing but kind to her,  always present,  always supportive.   hell,  he even tried to befriend that aggressive dog of hers.   “WHAT LIES?!   i’ve never lied to you!   i’ve never lied to sarah either.   my head’s about to explode.   pull over.   pull over,  i’m getting out.   i’m not listening to more.   this is like —   i’ve never done drugs but THIS is something that puts LSD and acid to shame.   what a trip.”   she’s certifiably insane,  he’s convinced.   she’s the one belittling other women,  calling poppy an idiot and making fun of her name,  accusing him of cheating,  saying he’s a bad person for having other friends…   she deserves her own TLC show at this point.

“a sad broken little boy.   yeah,  right…   whatever makes you feel better,  i guess.”   he just huffs and rolls his eyes,  squeezing her phone between the seat and his backside,  his other hand grabbing the hand brake.   not yet pulling,  but threatening to do so if she doesn’t stop the car.   “go ahead,  say it.   tell me how growing up motherless made me heartless because i refuse to play along with whatever script you’ve written for us in your head.”   teeth sinking into the inside of his cheek,  chewing on the tender skin there until there’s blood on his tongue to keep himself from saying more.   quenching the sudden urge to just slap her across the mouth for it.   but that’s exactly what she wants,  isn’t it?   she wants to provoke him,  wants him to be the bad guy and do something terrible.   little miss perfect needs some sort of a thrill in her life.   “you’re fucking insane…”   he breathes,  laughing hysterically at the silly allegation.   her name should be spelled differently —   HELL-ena.   she’s a demon…   

“for the last time,  honey,  because i don’t think you understand what i’ve been trying to say.   there’s nothing wrong with sharing a bed with your friend.   maybe you’re one of those women who can’t keep their hands to themselves,  but poppy is like a sister to me.   i would never let her sleep in the car or go somewhere else when we’re supposed to be spending time together,  and there’s this king-sized bed in the room.   we’d also shared a tent before,  guess what happened?   absolutely nothing because we’re two adults who respect each other’s boundaries.   insane,  i know.”   he refuses to let got of the steering wheel even as she pinches his thigh so hard that he’s crying out,  smacking her wrist with his other hand and telling her to fuck off and pull over.   “you don’t know shit about driving!   i want to get out.   i’m getting out.   i said stop the fucking car or i’m gonna stop it!   you’ve lost your fucking mind.   i’m calling 9-1-1.   or animal control.   whoever’s willing to take you.”

[lloydfrontera]

i will always find the relationship between javier and the fronteras endlessly fascinating and compelling especially because of the way it's shaped by the required narrative of the original novel versus what we see of them as people through the plot of tged. let me explain.

the thing about javier is that. he's not. a person when we first meet him. he's supposed to be a character. he's just about to go through his tragic backstory so he can then go on to be the hero of 'the knight of blood and iron'. this is what javier is. all his life before that is really nothing more than a footnote. the fronteras themselves are nothing more than extras that die in the very beginning of his story.

and this shapes the way their relationship is meant to be like. because they need to strike the right balance of them being close enough where it's justified for javier to be so loyal to arcos that he refuses to take any master after his death but not so close that javier feels the responsibility or has the authority to take over the estate after their deaths or even remain there at all to help in any way he can. for the sake of the narrative javier isn't allowed to really be a part of the frontera family despite being basically raised by them, because that would interfere with the plot destiny has set up for him.

and if that were it, that would be fine, no one would really pay that much attention to it because why would they. the only things that matters is that they kept javier alive, they were close to him in some regard and now they're dead. that's all that was needed from them for tkobai.

but then. lloyd happens. and he immediately derails the plot and saves the fronteras from death and javier from having to become an errant knight and now everyone is alive and free to continue their own lives and then we get to know arcos and marbella, not as just tragic extras of javier's story but as actual people with their own thoughts and feelings and. what we get to know about them doesn't quite track with their previous actions.

the arcos and marbella we get to know in tged?? they basically adopt lloyd as their son. lloyd. an adult stranger who replaced their son, kept the truth from them for years and who then came back looking nothing like their own kid. and they still love him and accept him as their child. by all accounts they straight up give him their family name, centuries later he's still known as lloyd frontera and nothing else.

this is the kind of people they are. the kind of people who would welcome a stranger into their family because he's kind and good and he's trying his best.

but you mean to tell me that these are the same people who took in a five year old orphan into their home and then just. kept him around. not really being a part of their family. they just raised him for 15 years and then took his oath as a knight and that was it. they don't even call him by his name. he's always 'sir asrahan'.

it doesn't make sense!! that doesn't track with the kind of people they are in tged! except it totally does if you remember they were never meant to be more than just extras. they were never meant to be more than some kind people javier is very distraught to lose but not enough to fall apart for.

that being said. there are a couple explanations that could be given in universe to explain why javier was never made a frontera, despite being taken in by them.

one is that they simply weren't allowed to adopt him. like someone in the replies of this post mentioned, some countries could be pretty strict about who nobles were allowed to adopt. maybe in the magentano kingdom it's the same and the fronteras couldn't legally make javier their child and so could only take him in as a ward or something similar.

or maybe they didn't want to take away one of the very few things javier has left of his family. he was a really small child when his parents were killed, he once mentions he doesn't even really remember his father, just a memory of waiting up for him late at night and that's it. he never really speaks of them nor does he seem to have a deeper connection or longing for them. by the time we meet him, all he has left of them is his name really. maybe when they took him in neither arcos nor marbella wanted to take away one of javier's last remains of his family by making him take their name.

or perhaps they thought adopting javier would cause them more harm than good. after all. they did have a little bastard of a son who took offense at the very existence of javier, despite javier just being *checks notes* a five year old orphan they picked up from the streets so he wouldn't starve or freeze to death. can you imagine the nightmare it would've been if javier had actually been adopted and not just taken in. if og lloyd had not only been forced to share a home but also his own name with him. it wouldn't have been pretty! and the one to pay for it would've certainly been javier! so maybe they thought the risk was simply too high. maybe they thought not giving him their name was a price worth paying to keep the peace at their home.

or maybe they simply didn't think it was their place. maybe they didn't want to make javier uncomfortable or force him into a relationship with them that he didn't want. maybe they wanted to wait until the loss was a little less recent, until the pain had had time to settle into something more manageable and then they just. missed the timing. maybe by the time they realized it was already too late and walls had formed between them that they didn't know how to take down.

in any case i simply don't believe that arcos and marbella are the kind of people to take in a child, raise him his whole life and then just. not feel anything deeper than fondness for him. it doesn't make sense from what we actually get to see of them.

i don't think their relationship with javier is that of parents with a child, but i also don't think it's as distant as what it looks like at first glance. personally i think it must be a mix of,,, habit, formalities and the awkwardness of a missed opportunity hanging between them that doesn't let them be as close as they would otherwise be. like. they all wish they could be something more, they wish the distance was a little shorter, they wish the walls between them could come down but they simply aren't sure how to do that anymore. they don't know if they missed their one chance and this is all that's left.

i don't know!! i just!! it's fascinating to me and i think about it far too much for it to be healthy!! halp!!

[sengoku-nadeko]

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

if dorian didn't show up, do you think louis would have shot minnie?

I do. I know some people think either he wouldn't have or he would've missed so that's why the writers had him shoot Dorian instead, but mmmmmm no, I don't personally think so. I like to think that if he had taken the shot, his shaky hands would've caused him to shoot her fatally.

Mostly because I'm already so normal about the fact that of the Ericson crew, Marlon and Louis are the only ones with a body count. Well, that we know of, but shown to us in the game, at least. Plus, we know it's Louis' first kill.

Like yeah, Clementine and AJ become part of the crew and they have bigger body counts, and if we're counting indirect kills caused by actions, then Tenn has a count... and I guess everyone has blood on their hands for blowing up the boat... but I'm talking about killed directly with a weapon like....... I lied, I'm not normal about that at all, Louis and Marlon are the ones who have killed someone in Louis' route. I'm also not normal about the fact that Louis kills Dorian and then even as he's clearly in shock, he tries to go with Clementine to get AJ, and then later on when they talk about it, he says it feels like bile but not quite and he's glad he has it in him to do it.... listen, listen, listen... I'm obsessed with that.

Anyway, so if Louis shot Minerva, I think he would've accidentally killed her and can you imagine? He's already enough of a mess after killing the woman who pinned him down and tried to cut his finger off [or succeeded] but he knew Minerva, they were friends before the twins were taken. Even Violet couldn't kill her even though that would've been the smarter thing to do, and we know thanks to meta knowledge that killing her would've saved lives, but Violet couldn't, and I don't think Louis would intentionally either.

Speaking of Violet, if Louis killed Minerva, I hate to think about what that would've done to Vi. I think she might've actually left at that point, like what was planned before it got changed to her being burned. I don't think she would've attacked Louis over it, though, like yeah she attacked Clementine in the cell but Louis? I don't know, but I don't think so just because it's Louis and he'd be a mess about it anyway.

Though if he did kill her, it would be a neat parallel to draw... y'know, because Louis forgave AJ for killing Marlon even though he was pissed and heartbroken, and Violet was annoyed with him the entire time... but could she ever forgive Louis for killing Minerva? Y'know? We already have a similar parallel with AJ shooting Tenn, but still.

If Clementine killed Minerva in that moment, though, then I could see Violet attacking her since in her eyes, Clem proved her right.

So yeah, I get why they added the Dorian kill to his route. It adds another compelling element to Louis as a character, but we also need Minerva alive for episode 4; Louis can't kill her, he can't miss, and he's not going to stay with her because we need Violet to stay on the boat and him to be on shore for all routes.

[clericsandpaladins]

Absolutely agree!!! If the writers have chosen to create new and original moments rather than referencing previous seasons, it will strengthen the ship. While calling back to moments from the earlier seasons is cute, it's important to establish that Mike and Will's connection is current. Their relationship shouldn't be built strictly on conversations they had years ago. If anything I would like to see throwaway lines acknowledged, such as Dustin saying that Mike wouldn't stop whining about Joyce's telemarketer job. It's something subtle enough that the GA is likely to not have picked up on at first while still adding layers to the dynamic Mike and Will have. It would show that even after the events of S3, which resulted in a disconnect between Mike and Will, they still sought out one another and desired a connection. While the crazy together and shed scenes were powerful in terms of showcasing their closeness, all they offer for S5 is a reminder to the audience. A moment of "Oh, but look at what their relationship used to be like before all of this." We don't need that!!! It is so easy to do a rewatch and make that connection without calling back to that and that is the beauty of the show. Stranger Things is detail-oriented! You are supposed to notice these things without needing them to be repeated. You are supposed to rewatch and make those connections. I don't want moments from S2 to be the only reason Mike and Will are acknowledged as being a good couple. I want to be shown the differences between Byler and Milkvan in the present. S4 shows us that Mike feels inferior in his relationship with El, resulting in him trying to be a different person around her. It also shows us that El feels like Mike doesn't understand her and that he isn't loving her the way she wants to be loved. Great! Now instead of showing me the crazy together scene, I want the writers to show me how Mike and Will do the opposite. I want to see in the present how Mike and Will build each other up in comparison to Mike and El, who break each other down. Let's leave the crazy together and shed scenes in S2. Let them be moments where the GA rewatches the show and goes "Oh. Oh." (It's almost 3am where I live so sorry if this is badly written. I'm tired lmao.)

okay time for my rant

i feel kind of upset that i know that a lot of people will be disappointed with season 5 byler because they have this one view: past byler moments need to be referenced.

assuming that it is endgame (bc yeah ofc it is), i don't think that will be enough for everyone, which i totally get <3 like if they do it in a poorly written way (i.e. no depth into mike's queerness or a cheating plot on el) i would totally get not being happy with it. but i know that some people will think that it's not that good because they may not reference past byler moments??

like some things that i've seen people hope for are understandable. for example, wanting a kiss with heroes in the bg, or wanting a mention of the painting. those make total sense because the writers set those things up in a way that implies it'll be referenced later on.

some things i just don't stand by. for example, wanting them to show ANY reference to them meeting each other for the first time, any reference to the crazy together scene. those are already canon moments. it's almost as if people needing these scenes to be referenced is a kind of insecurity in the existence of those scenes in the first place? like we need to them to be rehashed in order to make them like- double canon in a way?

now, i totally get wanting this to happen. for the reasons i have just expressed and the fact it would be really cool. but what i don't get is: saying that the new season's byler would be poorly written without a reference to a past moment.

i can almost see it now, post byler endgame, people getting mad there was no reference to their first meeting, people getting mad they didn't reference 'lets start a new party'. them saying it was poor writing. me going:

honestly......... i think it would be better written if they didn't reference these. More specifically, if the miwi flashback isn't them meeting each other for the first time, i would be equally as excited, because it means a NEW THING for us to reference, a new thing for me to explore in analysis.

the writers will hopefully give us some new lines. new soundtrack songs. new things to analyse and make memes about. i don't neeeed them to say they're crazy together for the third time*.

so if i catch anyone calling writers who have made an effort to create new, romantic, beautiful scenes that deepen the complexity of byler's relationship bad writing just because they didn't reference old moments, i am going to have an aneurysm <3 and then giggle in heaven, because why ur working urself up over literally nothing, i'll be sat, positive and happy, looking at fresh and new things to obsess over.

if you feel attacked by the post, im sorry, i just want to get you guys excited because no matter what we are getting new byler content, new lines and new complexities. sorry for making u feel bad in the future for criticising writers for taking the hard way out, and writing new lines LMAO

and in the possibility that they do reference these old moments, i'll also be happy, i just hate the idea that some people won't be happy if they don't do it, if that makes sense

*if you're wondering what the second time is, it's when mike gives will that post it note with the line on it.

[lilacerull0]

i feel like reading/watching mbf immediately means knowing who i am as a person and... i cannot allow this

[equalperson]

sometimes I believe that My tendency to avoid telling My family when I'm having health issues is just the result of avoidant cognitive distortions, but then I actually do it, get told that it's "normal" and/or a lifestyle issue, and realize the real cognitive distortion was expecting help at all -_-

[flowercrowngods]

hi my inbox is full of so much love and affection right now and i swear i am not ignoring anyone, i see all your "you make me happy" asks and your cat pics and your "i hope you have a wonderful day" messages but i swear i'm not ignoring you, i'm just gonna bask in them a little longer 🥰🤍

[cloud-somersault]

every time i hear someone sayin' they only read completed fics but also complain because there's not enough 100k slowburns, i get so irrationally mad.

how do you think fics get completed? do you think the author sits on that 100K slowburn for months and posts it all at once? maybe interact and give some engagement

[crocwork-clockodile]

I want to fall in love. But not like you’re thinking; I want the kind of love that the Young Man feels for the Rockies in the song “Rocky Mountain High.” I want someone to see the divinity in me, and for our souls to know each other and recognize home in each other. I don’t think I want to kiss, but I want to cuddle and share the same level of emotional intimacy you might share with a lover. I want to be their most important person and for them to be my most important person too. I want to be the first person they think to text when something happens to them, from the silly to the serious. I want to love them like home, like I love the forest around my grandmother’s house. I want to be able to feel so comfortable and at home with them that both of us feel safe to be completely ourselves with each other. I want to fall in love with someone like you fall in love with a place. Where you feel like you’re finally home.

[galmiahthepigeon]

Oh I'm so embarrassed about the reaction I'm having to The News

[slimyenemy]

no no no no no no i really do feel all that and it's definitely you and not fish or anyone else and i really just start losing my mind about it yk like in a good way and get all lightheaded and yearn like hell and just keep thinking you probably don't want to hear all that from me and that you might just get mad at me not feeling all that about someone else even though i explained it all like ten million times already and i'm probably just distracting you with this stuff right now too anyway like i don't know! sorry for probably freaking you out again c':