#but thinking that they like another person over me is making me feel bad. WHICH AGAIN IS SO DUMB
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CONGRATULATIONS! Could I please have:
crashing their date with another person purposely
^ and it all was definitely out of spite. not because they were jealous. never. totally not.
with Quinn Hughes please!
thank you so much!! and ty for requesting <3
There is not one person on god’s green earth who makes your eye twitch more than Quinn Hughes.
The only tie you have to him is being his coach’s daughter, which means you’re not supposed to see each other a lot, but you have to because you live in the same building.
On the same floor. Across from each other.
It’s been snarky remarks and banging on each other’s doors with noise complaints ever since.
You would think he’d respect you because of who your father was to him, but no. He just couldn’t stand you the same way you couldn’t stand him.
Your day was going smoothly; you got off work, came home and took a nice bath, and got ready for your date. He seemed like a lovely guy and things were going well.
You checked the time to see that you were late and hurriedly shoved your necessities in your purse and speed walked out of your apartment, quickly stopping in front of the mirror to fix your hair. You fumbled with the keys while locking your door, breathing out in relief when you heard the lock click.
The elevator doors opened up to reveal Quinn. His hair was damp and falling onto his forehead, his black shirt stuck to him in the right places, and his gym shorts were short. As fuck.
He gave you a sideways once-over, taking in your appearance without shame as he walked out of the elevator. “Nice kicks.”
You furrow your brows in confusion, looking down at your stilettos. “Thanks?”
He laughs as he walks away and the doors close, and it should feel ridiculing, but a weird part of you was convinced that he tried to give you a compliment.
Key word: tried.
[•••]
The date was going fine. It wasn’t great, since he was a little cold with you because you were five minutes late, but it got better as he had a few glasses of wine.
“What a coincidence.” Your eyes bulged out of your head when you heard Quinn’s all-too-cheery tone. Both yours and your date’s eyes traveled to Quinn, who materialized in del t of your booth.
“Quinn, what the actual fuck are you—”
“I was hoping to catch you somewhere around here, you left too early y’know.” He fakes a pout.
“What is he talking about?” Your date directs the question at you.
“Yes, Quinn, enlighten us, please.” You glared daggers into his unfazed eyes.
“Nah, that’s not important. What is, though,” he pauses to pull something out of his pocket, “is this.”
Your jaw drops as he pulls out one of your rings from his pocket. You must’ve dropped it during your rush to leave.
And just when you thought it wouldn’t get worse, “you left it at my apartment, thought you’d want it back.” He laid it in front of you as your date’s face slowly contorted to anger and he slammed his napkin down on his plate.
“Listen—” you start. Your date holds his hand up.
“I don’t want to hear it.”
Quinn watches triumphantly as he stomps out of the restaurant like a child. You put your head in your hands. “It gets to a point, Quinn.”
He shrugs and flops down to where your date just sat, picks up a breadstick and takes a bite. “Damn, these are good,” he swallows, “and I saved you by the way. He had bad juju or negative aura or whatever the kids say these days.” Another bite. You feel it. The undeniable twitch of your eye.
You see his point, though. The man made you feel lesser than for being a few minutes late and was quick to storm out without giving you the chance to explain yourself.
“That still doesn’t mean you can just crash my date, Quinn— how did you even find me?”
“I followed you after I found your ring.”
“You’re so—” you sigh, unable to find the words.
There’s a beat of silence.
You groan loudly, all of a sudden, startling Quinn and making him pause mid dip. “What?”
“I’ll have to pay for all of this.” You gesture at the food in front of you.
Quinn waves his hand once. “Nah. I got it.” You’re confused for the second time that night, your mouth open but no words coming out. “What kind of guy takes someone to Olive Garden for a date, anyway?”
“The kind that’s classy enough to not compliment me with ‘nice kicks’.” You smirk, leaning back and crossing your arms.
He rolls his eyes. “Be grateful, being nice to you for free is painful.”
You laugh for the first time that night, slipping your ring on your finger.
“You do look pretty nice, though.”
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Hi I’m a lesbian and I love your fics. I also love learning from your sex ed posts even though most don’t really apply to me. Feel free to ignore this if you don’t want to answer, but I’m an anxious virgin and I really want to eat a girl out. How do I do it? There’s a lot of dick appreciation and education on this blog but not enough pussy I fear😔
Any tips? How does it feel? Both giving and receiving?
Yeah of course!!
So I'll start with receiving for no reason other than I gotta think about it really hard. As I've mentioned before there was a long period of time where receiving didn't do much for me so take this with a grain of salt. It feels sort of like a wet flat finger(but softer than a finger like more malleable) moving over your pussy. Different parts feel different(for me at least) and it feels very different from touching yourself, mostly because you can't feel the sensation anywhere other than your pussy. So tongue on the labia feels like wet touching, with a little bit of drag and pressure. Tongue on your clit feels sort of like a flicking, rolling sensation depending on what's happening, mostly you'll just feel the nice sparky stimulation more than the actual touch but there's also a little bit of suction that sort of tugs the tiniest bit when their mouth is on your clit. Tongue over/around your entrance feels again sort of like a really focused but gentle finger, it's really hot(temperature) because it's another person's mouth and wet but not unpleasant. I think what people tend to forget is that you also have a head down there and your legs are gonna want to squeeze it, which feels kind of like squeezing a really hard watermelon. With partners who shave you can get this prickly burn that's not entirely pleasant but doesn't really linger.
Giving... oh giving feels very fun under your tongue, lots of different folds and sometimes your partner has longer labia that you can sorta wiggle against your tongue. It feels like skin but wet and HOT, and a little spongy? If that makes sense, like firm skin but still with some give. Idk all vaginas are different and beautiful. Depending on if the person shaves you're gonna want to sorta part the labia to give yourself the best access, but just licking it feels sort of like licking, well, hair. Not bad, but eh it's not everyone's thing, sort of coarse and doesn't stick to your tongue like head hair does. The clit is fun cuz it's sorta hard under your tongue when it gets erect, and you can sort of flick it around with the tip of your tongue, or push your tongue up under the hood if your partner's clit is a lil shy. Tastes sort of musky but mostly like water if they're taking care of themselves, can get a bit bitter if the honey isn't eating right but idk I don't find it unpleasant. Pushing your tongue into pussy is kinda like shoving it into a tube, there's a little kinda ridged area that you wanna aim for cuz right behind that is the spot, but also just feels kinda nice on the tongue. They're gonna tighten up on you though and it's gonna feel weird, cuz nothings ever squeezed ur tongue like that before, but it's also kinda like if you're making out and your partner sucks on your tongue. Idk other pussy eaters can correct me on that, I'm just trying to make some semblance of a connection.
Man it's hard describing sex because it feels a lot like what it is. Hope this was coherent
#ghoul speaks#sex ed stuff#glad youre enjoying it#maybe i should wrote something for the toxic fae yuri#threat and crybaby
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Another day rant-
(not an analysis, just my boring take and bad grammar cos I suck at english.)
People don't seem to care much on the difference about SaneGiyu and GiyuSane and saying they don't care about the role they just want to see these two goofballs together. Which, ofc it's cute, common. But why I see such a big difference between Sngy and Gysn is because sngy is so off character to me. This is mostly on the shippers, most of them mischaracterize both of them, and when confronted about it, they just either cuss you out or don't care at all and with continue to mischaracterize them (happened to me). Which is wrong, isn't it? SaneGiyu just feels like a whole different ship where people just took the name and the design of the characters and paste it a whole completly different personality and call it canon. This happens a lot, most of the SaneGiyu stuff you see is Giyuu being a twink and Sanemi with big bad boy who has no good intentions. It's really really rare to see people keeping them canon and thank God, I came across two or three artist who ACUTELY keep both the characters in their character, with or without smut.
To be fair, I will always pick GiyuSane over SaneGiyu. SaneGiyu became so bad to me that my day gets ruined when I see it, I fr cried when I saw Giyuu on the trailer of season four, cos I damn knew the fandom was gonna do some stupid shit with that horrible redesign. 😭 (yes,I'm a season 1 Giyuu truther, come at me, I dare you).
SaneGiyu mostly is focused on Giyuu's POV and people mostly exaggerate his personality and past trauma a lot which makes people think, this version they have a Giyuu is actually his character, which is not. While GiyuSane is mostly focused on Sanemi's POV, because, unlike Giyuu who's a simple person and doesn't have a problem with being vulnerable, actually has a lot of things people can prospect on which in the fandom, is tossed aside because they already got this image of Sanemi in their head from season 1 and some do not even want to believe other wise and will continue to push that Sanemi is this horrible person.
There's a lot of messed up SaneGiyu stuff out there, mostly the people shipping it are Giyuu fans, and want him to be this submissive, feminine, twink who needs protection all the time, and who else to be that person but the aggressive over protective scar boy Sanemi who can't catch a break, calm down, not be on alarm 24/7 who actually needs to feel that protection, but will never admit it or even realize that he needs to be vulnerable.
#kny#demon slayer#giyuu tomioka#sanemi shinazugawa#giyusane#giyuusane#sanegiyuu#kimetsu no yaiba#rant post#GIYUSANE MY ROMAN EMPIRE
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Hey, I've been following you for a long time now and I've never seen you complain or rant about literally anything but I genuinely wanted to ask your honest opinion about how you felt about episode 11 of thk like yes it was emotional but I'm asking you in terms of writing and directing side like Idk why it felt rushed and I'm a firstkhao fan so for me specially their scenes felt cut short with no problem dialogues given to them and that child intercepting them was it really needed?? It was the last 2nd episode more than that the whole day was really meaningful for them considering they will literally get to spend time together after 5 freaking years !! I know I'm sounding like a child complaining about such things but we have only an episode left and I feel like we still need 3-4 episodes considering the teaser they showed for the next episode!! Okay okay I'm done with my rant but really tell me how do you stay this positive regarding fk specially
Hello Anon, Welcome to my humble abode of me fangirling over FirstKhaotung, I guess? I am quite bemused that you (or anyone really) can follow my rambling mess.
Anyway, getting back to your asked – I can see you are somehow frustrated and perhaps a tad disappointed with the “lesser screen time” for KantBison compared to FadelStyle?
Writing and Directing for THK Ep 11 (and THK in general)
I won’t pretend I know anything about what is considered good screenwriting/script or directing. I will also admit that there are several things that I am puzzled by in THK. Certainly, there are some weak characterisations and general plot lines that sometimes doesn’t make sense. E.g – Captain Christ being able to promise only 5 years in prison sentence (my eyebrows shot up when he said that lol). And what about the whole Kant having Madam Lilly on tape doing villainy-stuffs – how? Did she really keep her own villainous act on tape – because I am assuming those evidence was the one Keen got for the boys at the beginning of the episode). Or perhaps we are just meant to use our media literacy skills and connect the dots that the tape is likely from Ruerat (which the brothers have successfully hidden him somewhere for the last few days until he is conveniently needed as a leeway for Captain Christ to “help” our besties). Plus, Captain Christ just letting Kant/Style getting away when they are complicit in helping our pair of hitmen.
So, like I say, plot holes. And let’s be honest, The Heart Killers as a series were never going to be an award-winning show per se (unlike P’Aof series that has now won his 3rd? consecutive best BL series in award shows. And judging from fan reactions of Gem4th upcoming series with him, he will have another winner on hand). But see, P’Aof shows have never quite hit the mark for me (I liked ATOS, Bad Buddy enough – we don’t speak about Last Twilight in my blog lol – as far as I am aware, that show ended in Ep 10).
However, what I am feeling when I watched Jojo’s series… is me being entertained every week (even when I am crying buckets in some scenes). And this is especially true with The Heart Killers. From the start, he has made it clear the genre is romantic comedy. He also made it clear the show is the “fantasy of how gay hitmen lives”. Just from that, I know the show will not take itself too seriously.
Plus, if you know P’ Jojo CVs, you kinda know what to expect with his series – and I will sum it up as expect the unexpected and plot twists. 3WBF – Jennie’ partner died at the end. OF – Sand kissing Nick/Top. So, I was prepared for anything when the official THK trailer drop. When I saw the BDSM scene for example – many people were disappointed it wasn’t a “true” BDSM scene. But I personally think it added to the narrative because it showed the distrust between the 2 of them. Of course, it will be amazing for us to have another scene that will show what a BDSM with 2 partner who trust each other will be like. However, I am already impressed by how Jojo (and FirstKhaotung) successfully introduced the concept of safe word/basic BDSM etiquette to the largely conservative Thai audience (and while THK won legions of international fans, I am again reminding people when directors/Thai production houses produced BL shows, it is first and foremost catered for Thai audiences). Or what about the way the safe word is later used in a different, non-sexual manner between KantBison – this to me, gives depth (and again, unexpected twist!) to the writing of the show.
As for Ep 11 specifically – I think there were again some parts that can be improved but overall, it is a wonderful episode that contrast beautifully between our 2 couples while also highlighting how our 4 boys have stayed true to their characters. If there is one thing I am impressed about the script, it is how our 4 main characters stayed true to their inner personality even as we see them blossom once they fall in love. You talked about how KantBison scenes appear truncated, and they didn’t have in depth “problems” dialogues when compared to FadelStyle scenes. See, part of the “problems dialogues” as you mentioned have already been addressed during their stay in Bison’s island – in fact, I will argue Ep 8-9 were particularly focusing on those – from Kant/Bison talking about their trauma and fear, their family members/ the past and what they wished for their futures. However, we didn’t get this from FadelStyle Ep 8-9 (their scenes took a comedic tone to off set the heaviness in KantBison scenes). By end of Ep 9, Fadel’s past remains a mystery (we don’t even know much about his parents/past beyond he had an ex, which he finally told Style about).
So, I am not surprised the scenes for Fadelstyle in Ep 10-11 appears “heavier” when compared to KantBison who are now largely on the same page. We still got amazing scenes like KantBison sweet date in the rock/space museum (and again them continuing to learn about each other – Bison is into astronomy while Kant loves history and archaeology – and isn’t it poetic one loves the sky & stars while the other is rooted to the ground?). The “almost proposal scene” was sweet and yes, it is slightly irritating we have our young interloper (Oskar, you are doing great honey!) killing the mood – I think Jojo meant it as the comedic tone to cut the heaviness in FadelStyle scenes who is finally opening up to Style about how he felt about himself (the self-loathing from Fadel, the way he calmly just told Style – ‘that’s my headstone when I die’ or him telling Style why he goes to the support group meetings etc.)
And it stays true to the boys’ nature – Kant choosing Bison’s date to be lighter and fun because out of the 4 of them, Bison is the more childlike and naïve (him being hitman doesn’t change that). Similarly, it stays true to Fadel’s nature that he chooses to bring Style to his pre-dug graveyard and support group place (or being more physical – like the paintball scene, which is also a nod to the scene in 10 Things I hate about You).
And let me bring even more parallel between the 2 couples:
KantBison heartfelt conversation when Bison talked about the MilkyWay followed by Kant saying he will name a star for Bison so that the latter will be reminded of him. While Bison then softly said he just wants to be in Kant’s heart followed by the scene of them exchanging tattoos (plus Kant saying – The story of you and me will be etched on my skin forever) – that is the equivalent of them exchanging wedding vows and rings (the rings being the penguin/puffins tattoos – did you know penguin/puffins mate for life? I only learn of this fact 😂, and I find it romantic the boys chose them as their matching tattoos. Plus penguin is the safe word for Kant, I’m sure he has also associated it with home)
Similarly, the FadelStyle scene of them cooking together (with Fadel professing he wants to do something he loves with Style) and them having their last dinner meal together through tears – with Style stating he will never forget the taste of the burger. Style narrating the things he will never forget about Fadel – from being shot on the run together to them kissing each other in the sea (doesn’t that read to you like wedding vows a spouse will say before saying “I do”?). Them feeding each other their burgers is the equivalent of them feeding each other wedding cake.
And while you didn’t specifically mention this, I am also very appreciative of the scenes we have of Kant and Style – it really highlights how they are not just besties, but also brothers. The way they beautifully cornered Lilly (Kant/Style looked flawless in those outfits) to them both finding ways to have the upper hand of Captain Christ as a backup plan (Style by making the fake passports while Kant staying true to his nature – slyly obtaining blackmailed material of the captain – and it’s quite telling isn’t it even with them asking for the Captain’s help, both of them instinctively do not trust him, hehe). Personally, my favourite scene for the whole episode is Style breaking apart in Kant’s arms while Kant is trying hard to hold it together when his heart is also shattered into pieces while their loves ones are taken to prison.
Teaser for Finale/Ep 12 and what I expect to see
Also, anon – we still have EP 12. Not only are we getting our unhinged besties volunteering in prison (unexpected twist by Jojo again!) – I am hoping we will have sex scenes from all 4 boys (or at least heavy make out scenes lol), but one of the assistant director that usually post BTS of the show actually mentioned there are so many BTS photos of FK he wants to put but he could only do so during the finale (which kind of hint that we are getting good scenes from them!)
Plus, Khaotung mentioned in the recent fanmeet, he/First will be slow dancing on stage (and don’t we have the BTS footage of our couples slow dancing in the series)?
Also, don’t forget, we still haven’t got the “sweet scene” of our boys (in their boxers) in Kant’s bed (both Jojo and First confirmed there is another scene on that bed)
Bonus if I can get actual proposals/weddings but otherwise, I will take what we have from Ep 11 as them being married, and they just need to make it official once they are out of prison.
As for your comment on THK will benefit from another 3-4 episodes – look, in general, I think most Thai BLs can benefit from more episodes (The Eclipse was meant to have 14 episodes but due to budget constraint, they had to make do with Ep 12). That’s the reality, while the quality of Thai BLs are improving over time – compared to mainstream media in Thai (we won’t even mentioned Western media), the budgets for Thai BLs/queer media in general are limited. Even more so for the show that Jojo tends to produce. Did you realise his shows doesn’t have or very limited sponsors? (for example, we don’t see Lay chips/Oishi Teas or the boys blatantly putting on sunscreens to “promote” the sponsors of the shows?). And for that, I will forgive some inconsistencies, sloppiness and plot holes because they don’t have bottomless budgets.
***I am going to put here – when Cat for Cash starts airing – see people start complaining about the “ads/sponsors” being on blatant displays during the show when its those ads that supplement the budget for the show
Staying positive regarding FK (and BL world in general)
So, I’m not sure your last sentence has more meaning than just FK general presence in THK? Are you perhaps alluding to fans in Twitter crying war with how jobless FK is when compared to other GMTMV CPs? Or how they don’t have a reality TV show of their own? Or brand sponsorships? Or how Somsoms are not pulling their weight on trending on Twitter? (if you are, well – I have my own thoughts/views of this particular matter, which I am not going to elaborate in this ask).
But, if you are asking how I stay positive in general, I made a promise to myself – if I really dislikes something, I will give myself 24 hours before writing/saying anything I will regret🫣. And most of the time, the things I am angry about just seems trivial after that. I also block a lot of users who are just blatantly prejudice against Thai BL (ok, in general GMMTV productions) – if you have been in the tumblr long enough, you will know a specific group that should not be named (they are my Voldemort) who prided themselves as unbiased “academics” and write long meta essays that frankly highlights their biases even more.
I also work in the medical field – and well, having to deal with anxious (sometimes very angry) patients/family members means I have abundance of patience (and when I ran out of them, I know it times for me take a holiday 😅)
Anyway, I am always reminded that we consume media for fun – don’t take things so seriously. And personally, FK being their lovely self on social media is enough to make me happy. They have never expressed any hatred/criticism towards their work/GMMTV. I also think it is quite telling that none of the Thai fans have mentioned any dissatisfaction with the scenes we have of FK or series, so far?
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/3529df245249aa726fb4c4712ef31cb3/0be084309c753bfd-cb/s540x810/db82a2ce6a93233de2f9145be03bea267b62355f.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/3c712fba6678a306de5ec709a8b84ffa/0be084309c753bfd-af/s540x810/5eac43ecc79e6295b6623926c026618866b69daa.jpg)
(Can’t resist putting up our KantBison pictures hehe)
#gosh this has turn to a long answer#please feel free to ignore#asked and answered#firstkhaotung#The heart killers#thk ep 11
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I think the most baffling thing about the Tulpar as a vessel to me is the fact that the ship really did only have a one way communication system.
I know it was cheap but even the most basic of vessels regarding major transport would have some way, shape or form for outside communication. Not only that but there was absolutely no form of innate emergency signal to show they may have been offline or in trouble despite clearly having a system to dock credits if they went off course. It's another factor that really shows that bad situations are made to get worse by design. One person who is required to relay all information to the crew and make all the choices without feedback. No way to update or call for help in case of a dire situation. No way to inform of inner personal conflicts and acquire procedures accordingly.
It really is like they are all in some sort of fucked up solitary confinement. They have their own world with strict roles that are meaningless in the end, as long as the cargo makes it, it doesn't matter what happens on that ship to the company. They don't want to hear anything and will come to conclusions on what happened based on how much pay they can withhold from the workers. Even what they do send is short, sterile and corporate to the extent it was likely written and sent out with a command by some random unmanned computer in an office.
There's something to be said about how unfair it is to force absolute power and control onto one person when you as an entity could do so much more to offload it but I've said it many times before so I won't again.
#its just like idk i dont think Curly was a bad captain because we only have this scenerio and I certainly dont think a man like Swansea#would like him or have very little issues with him specifically if he was incompentent or too lienent in the past but I do think the stress#was making him worse and worse as being a present leader as it dawned on him how much he actually had to handle like I really think he#just wanted to do yknow normal captain pilot stuff and fly the ship and yknow the little stuff like make sure things run right and over tim#the constant stress and strain of having to make every major choice started to grate on him and freak him out cause they cant even fucking#eat unless he pulls out the scanner and starts cooking like he has to choose the meal likely or have a vote and i make that part of the#reason he seems so indecisive and inactive is the fact he has to make the choice all the time and he's hoping he can at least make the crew#feel a little more in control of themselves as people by staying out of affairs like the game or disputes because god he literally has to#choose for them all the time like thats a lot of responsibility monitering their sleep their breaks food consumption thats all on him like#it really should be another persons job entirely as thats almost like absoulte contrl over the lives of everyone else that PE forces onto#that title and its also crazy how everyone accepts it even if they dont like it like they broke the food machine open rather than get the#scanner they all waited two months before Jimmy appointed himself leader its so scary how conditioned they all are to the environemnt#cause that sort of mindset is sadly real where people just wait everyone just waited until it was getting real dire and then they still#followed Jimmy without too many complaints like i saw a fic or post where Anya acknowledges they all kinda just let Jimmy do what they want#because he became the captain and it was stupid on all their parts cause they could clearly see how bad he was and yet he was captain so#they just fell in line to their roles and thats a bigger point towards how PE treated them and the complacency capitalism brings to you#just like something that irks me because idk I know Curly is slow to act but he's not as like unopinionated as people make him out to be#like he does try to find solutions but they are still restricted at the end of the day by what PE provides them and I think his biggest c#crime is being in his own head too much and not giving Anya that emotional stability cause like idk man was he supposed to go to Home Depot#himself and install like padlocks? even if the let Anya sleep in medical after she pointed it out she was already pregnant at that point#like we arent seeing the inherent issue that no one not even Anya herself was thinking of the preventative measures because a)there was a#point nothing was happening that necessitated them b) it would've been the responsibility of PE to address them pre and post incident and c#there is only one person on the entire ship given the authority to do anything. You can not make multiple important choices in one instance#in such little time and Curly should not have had that total power like i think the most interesting thing in takes that really blame Curly#is that level of control they give him over the company. Like again i think about the three days we miss between the eval/party and the#convo/crash like i think people switch them around as if those scenes happen in succession when they are broken up and its heavily implied#Curly and Jimmy just havent been talking vs the depiction that she told him and for like three days Curly was just chummy despite the fact#Jimmy and him just had a blow out fight like the next time we assume they talk is during the crash sequence cause he honestly hangs#around Anya more which i think is really important because she trust Curly to defend her himself but not his judgement to give her somethin#to defend herself as she knows he believes her but also knows she's not seeing the danger the same and its heartbreaking and more
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i used to freehand comics all the time as a child and since the part i liked was the drawing part i would just draw panel after panel because i didn't want to stop drawing to think about icky icky words, plus the story TOTALLY still made perfect sense! to me! and noone else, but 'whoooo caaaaares omgggg its not like comics and sequantial art are a communicative meeediummmm lmaoooooo'. i spent my entire childhood telling myself stuff like "oh pfft I know this story by heart- ill SIMPLY remember the dialogue and write it later" ...and. I can't help but admire baby maiora's (call that a minora ba tm tsk) fucking audacity? hubris? confident wrongness? kid couldn't even remember to finish the comics in the first place? INCREDIBLE levels of unearned self assurance, wish that were me, genuinely- what an icon!!! anyway i think i have forever cursed myself
#maiora garrulates#the maiora overthinks the process of writing dialogue saga continues!!!!!!!#im so tired. i have been overthinking this shit in circles i have not been making any progress in any which way lmao!#im bitching and moaning for funsies this is not that serious in the Grand Scheme Of Things i just wanna improve at my fav thing#and ❤️ Unfortunately ❤️ my favorite thing in the world involves learning MY MOST HATED *NEMESIS*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! verbal communication. ew#words are fun! i LOVE words! toys!!!!! im using words right now and i didn't combust!!!!! wow look at that!!!!!!!!!!!!!#putting words in SEQUENCE? multiple times?? filtering THOUGHTS into SENTENCES???? sentences that a character would or wouldn't SAY???#AND THEN THERE'S ANOTHER CHARACTER SOMETIMES???? AND THAT BITCH ALSO HAS THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS????? AND THEY ALL HAVE PERSONAL IDIOLECTS#AND TONES THAT S U P P O S E D L Y ARE IMPLICATED BY MANNERISMS AND VERBAL HABITS AND CIRCUMSTANCES (AND THERE'S WRONG ANSWERS! ALSO!!)#AND THEY'RE IN A CONTEXT!! AND THEY'RE INTERACTING WITH EACH OTHER AND INFLUENCING EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#THE CONVERSATION COULD VARY GIVEN ENERGY LEVELS WHETER OR NOT SOMEONE'S FOOT IS FALLING ASLEEP THE F U C K I N G WEATHER#“oh dialogue is easy just say it out loud to yourself until it 'sounds normal' ^^”#screaming crying throwing up NONE OF THIS IS INTUITIVE TO MEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....!#ok dramatics over its out of my system! for now!!!#this is all easily explained bc i just. draw a lot more than i talk to people. so like. OBVIOUSLY i have more practice drawing#so drawing comes natural! talking does not! subsequently dialogue is Hard! No FUCKING Shit Sherlock!!!!! (affectionate)#so yeah. im using y'all (the tumblr void) as practice! hi!!! words at you!!!!!!!!!!#so yeah thanks for baring with me while passing by my corner of the internet#i do love self indulgence this is fun check out my navel gazing actually no do not look at my belly button#anyway i just think this is mildly interesting. some of my writer buds have the same “not good enough” allergy towards visuals#but they use it to be mean2me >:( same bitch that “omg i cant i suck at drawing i can't do this-” does the “uhm. just write? lol.” 2 meeee#we could have peace and love on planet earth and a common experience and yet you KICK miette for being bad at words!!!1!!! </3 heartbreak!!#what the fuck was i talking about even#oh yeah. perfectionism within creatives i guess. LMAO JK i am talking about NOTHIN!!!!G i am just putting Words Out Here ehehehehehe#its practice >;)c#all this bc ive been doodling comics for myself again and im V!! PROUD OF THE ART!!!! wanna share- but DIALOGUE!*⚡sfx!!*....... so! options#a) leaving it blank. no there are NO microphones in the budget. b) leaving blank *balloons* so that the Rythm is there. implied convo!!!#c) ...doing it badly. (tragic)(heartwrenching)(teeny tiny bruise 2 the ego) *dramatic single tear cleches fists * its the only way.........#...we shall see! literally none of this is all that serious i am procrastinating!! <3 playing with my tuoys!!!!!!!! silly time!!!#/all lh! am reaching 30 tags so that is all for THIS episode of the maiora bitches about dialogue saga thank you for joining me!!okilyBuhBY
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every so often i will see a post from a leftist on this website that is so egregiously ableist that i remember that like. oh yeah the userbase of leftists on this website is violently anti-disabled people and will jump at any chance to demonize any of us for any reason. i just forget that fact because i'm extremely dedicated to curating my space
i'm paraphrasing here but i saw a post that said, "every time i see an American [disabled person] mention being scared about the election because they're afraid of losing their benefits i have to laugh. anybody who wants blood-soaked money from the US government deserves to starve" which. like. goodness that's a lot to unpack. i think we should burn the whole suitcase instead !
#i inserted [disabled person] because they used a fucking slur instead and i didn't want that in my post#like i feel like there should be room for disabled people like me whose lives literally entirely depend on accessing said >#> extremely limited benefits in conversations about whether voting in this election makes you complicit in genocide#which like! i do understand. i do. it's nauseating to think about what this shit ass country is doing. it's horrific. i do not blame anyone#> for not wanting to be a part of that. *and* i am also terrified for my own life because i remember the first time trump won it suddenly >#> became IMPOSSIBLE for ANYONE to get on benefits. EVER. and so many disabled ppl i know went to renew benefits theyd had for decades >#> just to be denied. one of whom was a below-the-neck paraplegic. he died because he lost those benefits!!! because trump won#i really do understand why people dont feel right voting for harris. or why they don't vote at all. i truly do. but holy shit i am so scare#and yes! i am aware that people in palestine and gaza are suffering so much worse. and i wish i could change that#but every single person in power in the US is pro-israel and eagerly drinking the anti-palestine kool-aid. no matter who wins >#> things will not change in that part of the world. and it is infuriating. when the revolution comes this will change. but it hasnt.#the revolution will not save me as a physically disabled person. it will not save any of us. we do not matter to leftists. i am sorry but >#> this is the one thing i have learned after being in leftist spaces for over 10 years. and posts like the one i mentioned prove it#so i am very sorry. i really am. for being physically disabled. but i cannot survive another 4 years relying on my parents for everything#if trump wins i will be killing myself. this is a promise. i cannot do that again#i know it makes me a bad person to be afraid that harris will lose. but people on the left already think i'm a bad person for being disable#i want the genocide to stop. i absolutely do. i also want to survive. i am terrified that the US leftists will sacrifice disabled people#like me so they can feel good about being put in a real life trolley situation#again. im sorry. im so fucking sorry. i wish i was a better person. i wish i was able to give more. i know that if i was just a good#person i would be able to have a job and give to every palestinian gofundme on my dash. i would be able to do more than my daily clicks >#> and reaching out and calling representatives that don't care. if i was a good person i would be able to convince my parents that z*onism>#is deeply fucking racist. and that israel is wildly racist and killing palestinians for fun. if i was a good person i would be able to make#>them leftists too. im sorry. im sorry. im sorry im not good enough. im sorry that im scared. im so scared and it's not right for me to be#when so much worse is going on because of this countrys bloodlust. im sorry that im benefiting from being born here i dont want to be#im sorry for not having any other options. if i was a good person i know i would have them. im sorry. god im sorry im so fucking sorry
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I'm sure it's been talked about to death, but I just finished yuki yuna season 1 and wanted to talk about it. To be clear, this is fully my own thoughts and opinions. I think it's fully valid if other people feel differently. Also, I don't have the same disabilities as any of the characters, so I can't speak on representation of anything specific.
There were things I liked about the ending for sure. Yuna and Tougou had some very sweet moments, and I liked the emphasis on Yuna recovering through her own willpower rather than the gods' influence
But man I cannot overlook their disabilities being cured…
I understand, from a narrative perspective, that if a major part of the conflict is the gods taking away functionality in parts of your body as offerings, than the solution is taking it back from the gods. I understand that, if they didn't, it might feel like they lost. But they could still fight to break out of / change the system without all their losses being undone in the end!
I don't like disabilities being cured at the end of a story because it sends the message that you can't be disabled and have a happy ending. Like, being cured is the only happy ending. And I know the show wasn't trying to send this message, or at least I don't think it was, because Tougou had plenty of happy moments throughout the series. She was well-written as a wheelchair user, at least as far as I can tell as someone who doesn't use one. I think they did really well with her. But the ending still leaves a bad taste in my mouth because it does still imply that this was the only solution for them.
And I don't think there's anything wrong with the characters being upset after becoming disabled, or it messing with their self worth. Disability can be scary, especially when it's new, and in cases like Itsuki's it can mess with people's aspirations and drastically change the trajectory of people's lives. I think that that's accurate and real. I think they're allowed to be angry and upset for having so much taken from them. But I don't think them getting it back sends the best message to the audience. (And I feel like some of the stuff the characters said about Sonoko seemed kind of offensive? But idk if that was just the translation in the version of the subtitles I had)
I don't think I'll ever recover from my disability. It drastically messes with my life, it makes many things way more difficult, but I know it's not going away. I'm not mad about it anymore. I'm okay. I can still be happy and have a good life. So a story where the characters fully recover doesn't feel inspirational or motivating to me, it feels uncomfortable. I know disabilities can sometimes be recovered from, and I'm not trying to dismiss anyone's experiences, but as someone who won't recover, I'd find it much better to see characters thrive AND stay disabled.
It would still be a victory for them if they didn't have to fight and sacrifice anymore. It would still be a victory for them to keep on living after everything. They don't need a full recovery to be heroes.
#if anyone's made an AU where they stay disabled please let me know 👀 I want to see#I would love if Itsuki maybe found another way to pursue music!#she can't sing anymore but maybe she could play an instrument or compose or write lyrics!#also I feel like they didn't do much with Fuu's disability? idk she gets the eyepatch and then it's never really talked about#I feel like they could've better displayed her lack of depth perception or her bumping into things or something#but I am not half blind so idk what I'm talking about!#that also goes for Tougou's hearing though. idk I feel like these things would affect them more#I like that one scene where Yuna's eating and she really likes the texture of the food though!#that made me happy :))#I want to make it clear that I don't think they handled most of this stuff poorly! I think there's maybe more they could've done?#and I don't like the ending. but otherwise it's not bad!#at least from my perspective#but I have a very different experience with my disability#in some ways at least.#so I don't want to talk over anyone else#which is why this isn't going in the tags yippee#also because I feel like fans of the series are probably tired of hearing this criticism over and over -v-#it's important! but I understand it maybe getting repetitive#overall I had a good time watching the show and I'd probably recommend it even!#(I mean I just spoiled it if you haven't watched it but. yeah)#it's just the ending that bothered me as a disabled person#but I still think a lot of things in that last episode were nice :)) I liked seeing the characters enjoy their lives#as the heroes they choose to be#rather than the heroes the gods wanted them to be
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cant sleep because im seething with anger
#been laying here for like 40 minutes fantasizing about finally snapping and telling my mom everything i really think and feel#if i ever came out to her she would end up cutting me off like she did to my aunts and uncles and cousins#basically im alone and my parents and siblings are the only family i can be in contact with right now and its isolating#off topic but yeah#i miss having a big family and people besides my parents that i could rely on. people i felt like i could actually breathe around#idk. whatever#why do i feel responsible for her actions all the time. its been my job to keep her stable and listen to her vent for years#but i never say anything about my own feelings. because she would make me feel stupid and ridicule me. lol#all she does is make me feel like shit most of the time. shes always in a bad mood and shes always whining and always pessimistic#and yeah i get along with her for the most part but lately her attitude has been weighing on me a lot. i cant criticize or disagree with her#because she'll just get mad. shes always been an angry person. thats why i hardly spoke to her from ages 10-15#maybe i jsut wanted to give her another chance. maybe i felt sympathy for her. shes had it rough her whole life#but when shes still bitter no matter how many times i comfort her and let her vent and cry to me and when she chooses her husband over me#every single time he fucks up (which is like. constantly) and always takes his side when they inevitably make up after a huge fight#it feels like i'll never be able to make her happy. it feels like i should stop trying. if she wants to be full of hatred#and have a shitty husband then fine. i cant fix her like and i cant hold the weight of her mistakes#*life
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#ay ay ay. i dont wanna do my job so bad. it makes me so unhappy also i fucked up a thing by letting someone take part of a culture when i#shouldnt have. it happened so many months ago that i fucking forgot abt it and then the person emailed me abt when we received the stain and#i thought it was someone from another project so i cc'd my boss who was like. wait. what the fuck is this? and now its like oops sorry but#like wtf am i supposed to do abt it now? she askrd me to take some when i was rushing out of someone else's lab and i was like what? sure.#whatever i dont give a fuck i feel like im dying every second i stand in this room. i didnt even think to ask to share it which is what i#should have done. oops. cant do anything abt it now other than feel abt abt causing drama between labs. ugh.#i just wanna cut all ties with my old work. theres no joy there. only pain and anger. which makes it hard to work with it but the sooner i#do. the sooner i dont have to fucking deal with it anymore. ugh. also i really need to find a therapist but my insurance changes in like 18#days so i might as well wait for the semester to start. ugh. like i can feel the pull of my bad habits trying to drag me down and i dont kno#how to stop them. like its weird. i noticed while my parents were here. they can just do things and enjoy stuff. and everytime i do#something i feel like im holding my breath the entrie time waiting for it to be over and for what? its not like i had other stuff to do#i just needed to kno when things were gonna end and i dont deal well with flexible situations. which makes it hard to do things. so its#like do i succumb to my control freak lil bubble of not doing anything and being miserable or do things outside my comfort zone and be#miserable? one of those things is way easier. plus i dont even kno anyone here so its like wtf do i do?#try to make friends with my sometimes roommate maybe. i just need to corner her and be like hey i need to establish a dialog with u so i can#tell u that if i seem like a weird hermit im not trying to b standoffish i just dont kno how to do human interaction well. can we b friends?#id like to b friends but if i dont talk now then ill get stuck not talking ever. which is whats happened with past roommates... god my 1st#roommate must have thought i was so fucking weird. ugh. point is. these bad habits must stop. and i really need to get work done so i can#never think abt that shit ever again. at least now that ive moved i can run up the side of a mountain when im frustrated#unrelated
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i hate how i feel doing or not doing certain stuff for/because of the pain + fatigue since im a fat person :///
#p#id feel double standard-y shame (my favvvvv) abt it anyway#but its like. i took the elevator up to the break room just now n it always feels like everyones watching me do it#n judging or smth. like ya im also not in shape n thats like my fault etc n that would help these things be easier too#like especially on days ive worked i dont wanna go w ppl walkin the dog cuz im in a lotta pain#n w all of this i feel like a lazy piece of shittt which. like i said..id never think abt anyone else#even another person who isnt thin#or in shape etc#anyway. on lunch break now when theres lots to do (we have more ppl now at least tho)#n i feel like im such a loser cuz i rly needed to sit+rest n eat#also for my brain cuz i get overwhelmed n weird anyway but. -___- i gotta get over itttt fuck offfffff#i feel enough dumb bad stuff abt not doing 'Enough' but adding this makes it feel worse bleh#im big into shame idk !#working (sorta. its not rly working akdhdj) on not feeling negative n bad abt the word fat#i wouldnt randomly call someone that irl or anything#but i know ppl on here are wanting it to be more normalized n that its not an inherently bad thing/word#but. :(((#not another good word for it so yknow w/e#ok im gonna try to stop pity partying thru a break#especially when ill have less than an hourrrrr after this yay
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Oh I'm so embarrassed about the reaction I'm having to The News
#my friends Robin and Leo started dating recently. which would be wonderful if not for the fact that i like Leo. a lot#and it's stupid for me to be upset about this bc i was not going to get into anything with Leo anyways#I don't think they like me like that and i was content with things being platonic between us#but thinking that they like another person over me is making me feel bad. WHICH AGAIN IS SO DUMB#LIKE. I GET IT. I'M NOT LEO'S TYPE AND ROBIN IS. SIMPLE AS THAT. THAT DOESN'T REFLECT ON OUR VALUE IN LEO'S LIFE OR OUR VALUE IN GENERAL#I KNOW#BUT IT'S STILL UPSETTING ME LIKE CRAZY#I'M SO EMBARRASSED I CAN'T BE THINKING ''what does he have that i don't'' THAT'S SO LAMEEE AND IT'S A FLAWED WAY TO LOOK AT IT.#but wait the story is even funnier#bc one time we went out clubbing and Leo was doing this thing where he tries to make out with as many ppl as possible#he had gotten to 7 so i sad wanna make it 8? and they said yea and we kissed for a bit#AND APPARENTLY. I NOW FIND OUT. THAT ROBIN STOLE MY PICKUP LINE THAT LITTLE GREMLIN#AND THAT'S THE WAY HE ASKED LEO OUT#I'M GOING TO EXPLODE#even more embarassing#is the fact that my first immediate reaction to finding this all out was to think ''oh now i REALLY need to get into something with Draxx''#Draxx is a friend that I'm kinda into. Leo introduced me to him at a party recently.#Leo does not have any sort of attraction towards him. so why did my brain plot it as some sort of poetic revenge? no fucking clue honestly#I'm upset and none of my thoughts are rational rn#don't even know why my brain wanted any revenge in the first plane it's all so absurd#big stupid feelings that I'm obviously not sharing with anyone involved#jealous and for what
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oh the pOETRY
tarot card commission ⸸THE LOVERS ⸸
#ela's on another tangent#yellowjackets#jackieshauna#jackie taylor#shauna shipman#the doomed lovers narrative will always get me#yes i know they weren't officially lovers#that's what makes it all the more heartbreak#jackie and her little girlypop outfits pre-crash#as compared to her twinky little boyish outfits in the wilderness#she was just starting to figure herself out and work out who she was away from the oppressive watchful eyes of her parents#i personally think she was just starting to realise she was in love with shauna when she died#which is why the rejection of the argument sting so bad for her that she was so determined to prove her point that she died#(pause for a sec cos i find it hilarious how fucking petty jackie is)#(she literally died of cold just to prove a point in an argument so me coded)#but she never got the chance to work out who she was or become who she could have been#so she never really got to explore her sexuality and (i think) died confused and pining#meanwhile shauna's response to jackie's death??? and the sheer denial of it??#i feel like can't be solely attributed to how close they were as friends#or even to shauna's feelings of guilt and sudden realisation that she wasn't coming back#no i think shauna realised quite a while before jackie did that she had feelings for jackie#and the fear of those feelings and the implications that she maybe isn't as straight as she thought#(or as straight as her parents likely wanted her to be)#is what i think completely created that argument and fuelled up until jackie left#simply cos shauna was scared of the fact that she had realised how much she felt for jackie#it's all the things left unsaid between them that can never be said or fixed#not-quite-lovers doomed by the narrative to never truly know how the other felt and never able to know what they could have been together#now that shit is poetry#and this artwork to me absolutely encapsulated all of that#phew tangent over guys you can come out from hiding now
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also while im complaining i have a like cut scrape thing (annie claw mishap. long story) on like the knuckle of my middle finger and like whatever its annoying but i can do the bandaid like. cutting it knuckle thing and that kiiiiind of works . but thats not the issue the issue is that obviously i have to wash my hands but its not a waterproof bandaid bc idt we have any so i have to take the bandaid off bc obviously i Have to wash my hands or ill go to hell forever and be an evil gross person but its also being wasteful of the bandaids which is also an evil thing to do. Pleaseee can they just get rid of this cut or at least move it somewhere where i dont have to worry about it PLEASE
#and im worried its gonna get infected or something i dont want that im always so worried abt that. which is funny bc as a kid i think every#single scrape and cut i ever got got infected DJDNJRNFJFNG . but i grt scared#and also bc if i let it get infected then thats a failing on my part also which is an evil action bc im supposed to be able to take care of#myself and if i get an infection that means im incompetent which means im evil. you understand. its all exhausting this is why i wish i#could just sleep through everything so i can make it shut up but even when i SLEEP my dreams r all like oooh connor your entire family is#going to die youuu have to save them or its your fault and even when i know its a dream and i try to be like I dont need to be so freaked#out rn im dreaming THEN im an evil person for wanting to not wake up in a comd sweat bc it just shows that i dont rly care abt my family at#all bc i want to not feel terrified abt an imaginary version of them dying. thats the real kicker with all of it is if i think Wow i wish i#wasnt freaking out about this then thats another thing that my brain can say makes me evil bc it just shows that i dont actually care at all#like if im like this is a stupid thing it would not be like. um. idk its always hard to think of examples that im allowed to say without#feeling like sharing them will make me evil . not that its like. pleaseeee understand what i mean here im not like. you know .#like. ok well just use the bandaids. if im like Oh i cant replace this bandaid bc its wasteful to use a whole other bandaid. so it would be#bad of me to be wasteful. and then i try to think Ok well the bandaids were bought to be used by everyone in the house and if i dont use a#bandaid my finger could be infected and it might become a serious issue and then my family will have to pay medical bills which makes it#even worse if i DONT replace the bandaid then my brain can be like Well the fact that youre trying to comfort yourself over wasting the#bandaid judt shows that you dont care at all abt being a drain on your family and it sjows that you are very selfish and greedy and a#parasite bc you are trying to avoid the guilt that you Should feel for being all of those things you see. and thats how it is and i hate it#and i knowww i knowwww its so fuckjng stupid i know its dumb and im being selfcentered by being in my own mind all of the time and i dont#want to be at all i dont want any of this but if i dont do everything that im supposed to do then that will just prove that i am a bad lazy#person who wants everybody to suffer and essentially. i think its a lost cause and i might just have to suffer forever. and its So dramatic#im so dramatic abt everything its not rly that bad its just me trying to be a good person i shouldnt Complain about wanting to be a good#person bc i want to be a good person . and if i dont want to be a good person that means i dont care abt other people and it makes me a bad#person which i donttt want to be. basically slams my head into things
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#if i weren't an anti natalist at this point i wish my brother and his wife would have children#then i'd feel less bad about ending everything once my parents are no longer here#bc he'd have a new family#ughhhhhhhhhhh i've been here 28 years and i can't stand it i don't want another 50 years of this#it's so ridiculous there are people fighting for their lives and i just want to be dead#like i really truly want that#i don't want to get old and even worse looking#i don't want to “settle” into a miserable relationship#i don't want to spend another 50 years hating everything about myself and being jealous of others and working a boring job#trying to force myself to remember to eat and doing chores and being in physical pain and being told to be grateful things aren't worse#worrying about everyone else#feeling guilty for absolutely everything#just watching as everyone else lives their lives#there is nothing whatsoever that could possibly change my mind i'd always choose “no life” over this life#but i'm so TRAPPED#i know i'm a broken record but literally what else can i do but repeat myself#it's horrible having no way out bc you can't stand to cause your family pain#and then i think#am i actually THAT bad#because if i were totally heartless i wouldn't care right????#i would just do it without worrying about them#which makes me think i can't be completely devoid of compassion#so then why?????#it feels like i HAVE to be a bad person otherwise why would i be in this situation#even people in warzones have a will to live#i don't starve or live in a warzone#but people living in famine or through war STILL have the will to live???#i have none#i don't get it
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#told my roommate ive been depressed this weekend and she kindly offered to watch a movie but i knew shed be too tired and need to cancel#bc of the clocks changing and its ok i know how tired she gets i was the one to suggest it was okay if she cant + it was still a nice idea#but now im alone for the evening again ive been alone all weekend and weekends are the hardest for me and i thought i was feeling a little#better but im not and theres nothing to stop me from harming which is okay i keep it safe and its always a choice i make to do it or not#not anyone elses responsibility but i didnt want.to be alone tonight thats all. and offering something she knows she cant fulfil makes me#feel rejected too and i also wanted to talk abt some of her behaviour that upsets me sometimes but gently bc i dont want it to seem like#im blaming her bc its not her fault im so bad at communicating and neurotic and weird abt shit that doesnt even make sense#but its been bothering me for a really long time and it comes up again every time we meet with other people and i get really upset over it#and im the one that keeps putting off talking about it but its so hard when its been gping on so long and i find it so hard to express#anything and communicate especiallt when its shit like this but im so so so so tired of sitting on it i just want it resolved one way or#another and now i wont see her for a few days bc of this family trip and itll be on my mind the whole time and the thought is making me#feel insane already ive wasted so many hours and hours being upset by her and not being able to talk abt it i need it to stop its not even#that big a deal.it just is to me. and i dont know how to say anythign ever#and she wants to make plans with friends next weekend which feels like hoisting an anvil above my head bc if i dont go i risk having a#rejection sensitive episode bc im vulnerable rn and this is exactly what happened over the summer and it took me months to recover from but#if i do go ill get upset bc ill feel unwanted there and ill be dealing with the same issue that comes up every fucking time and either way#ill end up harming in response to it bc i cant handle how intense my emotions are and i dont have any better outlets right now#for these specific feelings and i dont want to do that i want to be a normal fucking human being who doesnt lock themself in a#stupid fucking iron maiden style repression over completely innocuous shit that no one would even know im reacting this way to#i cant do it i cant do thjs anymore i cant i want it to stop im so tired and it hurts so so much feeling so much like this#they should make a mind for me that is capable of not inflicting distress this intense on itself i need to explode#actually. maybe since i wont see her for a couple days i can write a long discord message about it instead. i know its a shitty way to#deliver information but maybe it would be easier that way rather than trying to summon the courage to say anything in person when im#usually actively upset abt it at the time and my immediate response to getting upset is to shut down and not express which doesnt help#and its so stupid but i need it to not be like this i cant keep living with her and getting so upset so regularly it has to stop now#ill think about itand maybe draft it. and then i can decide. but right now i need to eat. and pack. and then cut sorry. but its ok#ughhhhfdhf. please let this week be better ill try harder ill say something i have to im the one inflicting this on myself by not talking#about it!!!!!!!!! so. man and i think my dinner is cold now too. oh well#.vent#tw self harm
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