#bc one time we went out clubbing and Leo was doing this thing where he tries to make out with as many ppl as possible

[galmiahthepigeon]

Oh I'm so embarrassed about the reaction I'm having to The News

[neyxmessi]

Do you think neymessi fans have become discouraged because of their lack of content? And what do you think will happen to the fandom when Messi leaves? I might be wrong but I have the feeling that people will abandon the boat

Oh yes. I mean I’m even discouraged myself LMFAO. Not to be pessimistic, but atp I think all of us are kinda just waiting for Leo to say that he’s leaving PSG already 😭

And I honestly have no idea what will happen. I mean I think the fandom will probably fall off, but it’s not like we won’t ever get neymessi again. Like WC qualifiers are coming up for Arg v Brazil and then Copa America too 🤷‍♀️ also a lot really just depends on where Leo goes or Neymar goes. If Neymar stays at PSG and Leo goes back to Barca, there’s a chance for a UCL reunion potentially. Or if Leo went to City (idk how probable this is lol) and Chelsea actually gets Neymar, then we’d see them play against each other a few times in the prem. And ofc there’s always the off chance that they miraculously end up at the same club together again.

Also I feel like it’ll kinda be like a Copa America thing tbh? Not as extreme but more so that when they get reunited, all the prior neymessi stans re-emerge and rejoice over whatever cute moments they had for like a few days and then it’ll die off again.

Idk. I can’t speak for everyone clearly, but it’s definitely hard to be so ride or die for two ppl together when there is a lack of current content. Not saying that I’m not ride or die for them anymore btw!! It’s just that I’ve found other duos in the past who used to be PEAK, and then they weren’t anymore, and I couldn’t help but lose interest when I noticed the separation or that things just weren’t the same as they used to be. But idk this instance just feels different for me, and I think it really has to do with this blog and just having a bunch of friends to talk to ab stuff like this.

And ofc there could be new ppl who find out about them and go crazy like me and try to find every old clip of them together LMFAOOO but there will come a point when that runs out and you can only look towards the future 🤷‍♀️

And also there’s a chance that the neymessi fandom just separates into staying Neymar fans and Leo fans bc they’re not together anymore but still love them separately.

I’m dreading the day this comes, but it’s inevitable so… I guess we’ll see!!

——

But also (sorry just thought of this lol) I think a lot of neymessi fans are discouraged bc they had (including myself) a different expectation for how the season would go for them. A lot of new neymessi stans emerged after the WC. They see how well Leo plays and Neymar (and ofc Kylian becomes super highly well known too). So you can’t help but think:

oh my god! These 3 amazing players are all on the same team together? Surely this team is amazing!

Only to come back from the WC, and see how PSG declined from being undefeated at the beginning of the season, to just losing repeatedly or barely scrapping a win (and still playing horribly)

It also doesn’t help that new neymessi stans went through old content. Saw their interactions from barca, Copa america, and psg and saw how linked they were. I was literally SO excited for what I thought would be at least one hug every game with the two of them. But that didn’t happen. Half of the games they didn’t play together due to injuries, and if they didn’t play together, they either lost or if they scored didnt have as huge of a celebration as was expected (either just bc or due to VAR).

And this is not to sound ungrateful at all, because I am so happy I got to see neymessi play together in real time, but it just didn’t play out as I expected it to (and I know other people agree with me). Ofc I went in with naive expectations bc I literally knew nothing ab the sport at all, and didn’t realize how unfortunate things like injuries can be for a player during a season.

So anyways that’s my spiel. If anyone read it I appreciate it. And again this is not to be ungrateful WHATSOEVER. I love neymessi so much, and I just wish the second half of the season treated them better and how they deserved.

[phoebehalliwell]

leo x dan is not a ship i thought i would see in 2021 on my dash but exactly the wacky content i subscribed for (i mean that in the best way possible) anyways anon is big brain, i am loving both leo x dan and the poly idea 👀  anyway, im thinking about how dan would be incorporated into later pleo storylines and it's so interesting. would pleo still get married or would they choose not to since all three of them cannot legally marry? or would maybe piper and dan get married since leo is technically dead anyway so it makes more sense for piper to marry dan since she does want to be married, but leo is just as much part of the marriage, it's just not official like piper/dan. and then s6 would be interesting how they would handle it together, like they still have each other at least, but their third part is missing and it's really weird and almost tense between them too. the loss of leo is like a tangible thing, that marriage is not whole without him. plus would wyatt and chris still be leo's kids or maybe chris could be dan's? and then with wyatt was like, piper is pregnant but we don't know who the 'biological' father is and it doesn't matter anyway bc they're both the father, and they only find out when wyatt starts showing whitelighter powers. and then in season 8, would piper have to lose both dan and leo?? many questions that i cannot stop thinking about now

i feel like legally piper and dan would get married because you know well Leo’s Dead but i think since they did a traditional handfasting ceremony they would just to that with the three of them (and like. everyone’s like hmm how are we gonna. who’s gonna. like we gotta tell grams it’s all three of you is she gonna get it can we swing this is it gonna be weird. and they bring it up hella awkwardly and grams is like yeah lmao. who hasn’t been in/wanted to be in a poly relationship. and like both prue phoebe and victor raise their hands like. ???. grams? and grams is like. oh well nevermind let’s get this wedding started.) in regards to lineage i think like if paige is there it’s less of a discussion about having a whitelighter kid but if paige Isn’t There it’s like. how tf is that gonna work?? but in regards to like getting pregnant having kids i think it would be less of a cooking up in a lab type situation and more just like. you go off the pill & what happens happens. in regards to s6, i think piper would still get the pain numbed because she went full goddess and you know almost razed san francisco but dan did Not get the morphine because he’s not a witch who stormed the heavens. so he’s here watching piper like Go Insane and he like. Needs to find leo because what the fuck did you do to our wife?? and i think that really starts to like. pull at the seams because dan has basically lost both leo And piper because of some weird shit leo pulled and so when dan sees leo for the first time it’s like. very mixed feeling because i mean for starters gladiator leo great look but it’s also like dude. dude are you fucking kidding me. like i’m so happy you’re alive and i’m happy we got you off that fucking island but Dude Are You Fucking Kidding Me you don’t know what it’s been like to be here especially with the piper you broke you got to hold onto the memories of us while mine basically got painted over day by day as piper moved further away from herself and now what i’m just supposed to get over it we’re just supposed to get over it we just gotta sit here and pretend like we’re not married like these aren’t all of our kids you’re supposed to go back up to the heavens while we stay here and pretend like there isn’t a major piece of our lives missing i’m sorry i literally can’t be happy about that. how could i be happy about that?

and in regards to plot just like a plot standpoint i think like chris would be leo’s bio son bc well he needs the whitelighter half for the plot but then i’d probably make wyatt dan’s bio son just cuz. for balance, or whatever. no actually you know what he stays leo’s son because i like the idea of like. dan running around trying to care for a magical baby like aaaaaa. aaaaa. honey!! wyatt just conjured a dragon! melinda is dan’s bio daughter tho. and then for like plot. i think i would give the avatars to dan. just because leo already had his time split from the pack he doesn’t need to reprise that 2.0 because quite frankly that might tear the marriage apart but dan joining something to protect his kids protect his family in a world where he’s always been powerless like that could be good. more heated leo/dan moments are leo’s more firmly placed with the elders in this one. fun scenes after leo falls from grace and becomes mortal and dan’s like haha hey welcome to the club. and then maybe they go on like a movie date afterwards. like it’s been a long day. week. year. seven years. it’s been a long 7 years. let’s go do something insanely mortal and dreadfully boring. the three of them go putt-putt together.

[cloudyfm]

ok yes i’m here with lilia’s info ur resident demon have fun pals<3

family background - yes this is copy pasted myob<3

ya’ll ever read one of those drug ring ao3 fanfics where y/n is dating the sexy drug cartel leader? well that’s their family!

generational family blood money because that’s how cartels work i think. started running + dealing three generations back with their great-grandparents in order for them to make a living. it wasn’t until the so-called business was handed down to their grandparents that they wanted to expand and generate more money. the big pharma cover was created in order for them to manufacture, distribute, and supply at a larger scale. present day, their family name has notoriety with other cartel and mafia families.

basically avery was supposed to take over because he was the oldest right, but lilia did not want that at all. their parents started favoring avery and schmoozing up to him a little bit to get him to say yes (even though avery was fully prepared to give lilia the position) and lilia was like! what the fuck! so she told their parents about this one time that avery accidentally blabbed the family secret to a stranger at a party which broke their one rule of keeping it a secret. their parents wanted nothing to do with him anymore and completely cut avery off and kicked him out of the family.

everyone knows that avery and lilia are siblings, even though they don’t really know the actual details about their past together because avery doesn’t say anything about his family and the cartel is a secret. now that they are both at yale and in the elites together they are just kinda like haha awkward <3 they basically would just tell everyone that they grew apart if other characters tried to pry but also lilia is now telling people that avery fucked up a business decision which is why he left the family and avery is like alright but good luck trying to get other info out of them! xo, the jeongs

personal background

a legacy and a member of the yale's elite, they're twenty-one and a junior undergrad student majoring in pharmacology. they are as zealous as they are vain.

blackmails: and yes ik we only needed 2 i got pressed and stubborn (drugs tw):

blackmailing vanity fair to keep them from speaking negatively about her and her family by dealing to their reporters. she’s more so doing this to protect herself and her brother than her parents.

is aware of annie and violet’s work arrangements with her family’s drug business. she refuses to involve herself by mentioning that the family they work for is hers and is currently turning a blind eye to the questionable tasks that are asked of them.

purposely sent an ex boyfriend to prison when she was 18 due to her being tired of being in a consistently toxic relationship. she set him up to be found with various bags of illicit drugs (of which were owned by her family) and framed him with possession with intent to distribute and supply to garner a felony charge as an adult.

ok moving to present day stuff<3

ever since avery left the family, her parents have basically put immense pressure on her to fill his spot - the spot she wanted, and since her loyalty is with them and herself, she accepted it and did whatever had to be done. she was 16 when it became her job to take over, so whatever parts of her childhood she had left kind of just left when they began to prime her.

at 18, her mom finally revealed to her that avery had the intentions to give her control of the family when she came of age - something that she didn’t know until 2 years after she fucked up ! her guilt eats her alive to this day, but rather than mending her relationship with him personally, she sends him money anonymously through shorting her parents. 

she actually loves being in the elites ... it gives her such a sense of importance whether or not she is considered a legacy. was kind of excited to join actually and frankly that bit her in the ass with the blackmailer out here but its fine.

her college years have frankly been quiet like .. she’s studious to the point she needs to be but she really is not a partier, doesn’t do drugs because she’s seen first hand the shit that her parents are involved in, and barely drinks. when she does she literally doesn’t know how to handle it and fears losing control. literally if you wanna manipulate her this is how u do it lmao.

this is mentioned in the personality section but yes she is in the classics book club at yale ... she loves her classics</3

she’s actually easy to get along with ok just don’t cross her i promise my god im going to lose it

i don’t know im blanking so bad and this is alrdy almost 1500 words i cant do this anymore. UGHGHH more of her personal stuff is in the personality section im heaving

personality

ridiculously cut throat and has no issues stepping on people to get to where she needs to be. like if it came down to saving herself or saving someone else who she doesn’t have a close connection to? she will always pick herself. 

makes a game out of other people one - upping her<3 if she knows she can win, and sometimes even when she can’t, she will purposely cause a problem just to see them fall and grow her own ego.

also will start problems casually and then just sit back and watch them unfold while drinking wine out a mug.

literally ... and i mean literally obsessed with being perceived as beautiful and pretty. she’s so mf vain that it’s actually a problem, and i can promise you if you call her ugly miss girl will cry. this mostly has to do with her self esteem issues and the pressure put onto her by her parents after avery left. yes she did this to herself dni.

loyal only to those who she cares about otherwise they can frankly rot<3 and there are times where she will break that loyalty if it benefits her.

ik this may not be believable but she actually is extremely insecure and anxious deep down lmao like she has such an obsession with proving that she’s the best to her peers and her family that it flat out consumes her consistently. this is what causes her to act out most of the time and if someone was to become close to her it would be plainly evident. yes - she can be soft.

has an overt persona of positivity and carries herself as someone who doesn’t have negative intentions and sometimes makes it hard to believe that she’s actually capable of doing the things that people accuse her of.

yes she is calculating and manipulative and miss girly will look for faults only to make them worse.

she literally wasn’t always like this but when her and avery’s relationship started to fracture, she kind of let her own selfishness consume her.

she plays stupid a lot KLNDFKNDLKFSD  will pretend to be interested in random men in her classes so they will baby her and do shit for her that she could have easily done herself. it’s not that she’s lazy but she’s only studying pharma because of her family. she has an obsession with classical lit and would have rather majored in that if given the chance. 

has a fear of emotional intimacy </3 went through a really toxic relationship from the ages of 16-18 that was basically more done to bring her family and another together for a business deal and it just ... did not end well for her and basically she was treated like shit. literally the only way she could get out of it was to frame him and then bribe people to make sure the felony charge wasn’t dropped. her family doesn’t know she did this so<33333 

statistics

full name: lilia iris jung.

nicknames: lili or lia.

age: 21.

date of birth: august 02, 1999.

siblings: avery ( older brother ).

birthplace: new york city, new york, united states.

current location: new haven, connecticut, united states.

astrological sign: leo sun / capricorn moon / virgo rising.

gender: cis female.

pronouns: she / her / hers.

height: 5′1″.

sexuality: bisexual.

religion: atheist.

piercings: double lobe on her right ear, triple lobe on her left ear, tragus on her right ear, and a helix on both her left and right and ears.

tattoos: this on her inner, right bicep, and this behind her left ear.

haircolor: brunette.

literally for wanted connections i want 2 things: (1) someone to rock her shit bc that is deserved, and (2) idk she’s wearing a mask like 80% of the time so someone who she is close enough to actual b real with :\ if this doesn’t make sense myob im taking a nap

[shcnley]

╰ ✧ ZOEY DEUTCH. MUSE SEVEN. BISEXUAL. ❞ say hello to the s club’s very own SHANLEY EVANS! a TWENTY-THREE year old CISFEMALE that goes by SHE/HER pronouns. i heard they were voted MOST TALKATIVE in high school, which says a lot about them because they’re very VIVACIOUS and DEPENDABLE, but watch out for their IMPULSIVE and STUBBORN side as well. i hope they’re ready to take a break from being a TEACHER and finally get this summer started! 

hiiii friendssss, i’m gigi!!! and here’s my lil french fry lovin’ bb, shanley. sooo excited to plot w/ you allllll <333 

B A S I C S

full name: shanley nicole evans gender: cisfemale pronouns: she/her sexuality: bisexual age: 23 years old birthday: january 27th 1997 birthplace: NYC currently living: chicago, il relationship status: single zodiac: aquarius sun, virgo moon, leo rising occupation: teacher ( 1st grade )

I N S P O

characters: jessica day ( new girl ), lorelai gilmore ( gilmore girls ), harper ( set it up ), summer roberts ( the o.c. ), alexis rose ( schitt’s creek ), & amy march ( little women ). music: click this sentence for playlist !!  pinterest: click this sentence for pinterest !! 

B A C K G R O U N D

kso, i’m going to be honest. shanley had an extremely normal and happy childhood. her parents met in high school, fell in love and were married after graduating college. her father ( theodore evans / think sandy cohen from the oc ) is an executive vice president of an insurance company while her mother ( clara evans / think kristina braverman from parenthood ) is a stay-at-home mom. born and raised in new york city. she has an older sister ( haddie evans / think prue halliwell from charmed ) who is three years older, she has an extremely close relationship with her. shanley is obsessed with family, tbh. she tells them just about everything. they had dinner together every night and talk about their days, have inside jokes, go on family vacations every summer ( before sclub summers ). overall, her parents are very loving and supportive, wanting only the best for their daughters. in high school, shanley was convinced she wasn’t like other girls *pUkeS*. she was very outgoing. like she literally made friends with anyone and everyone. a friendly face; probably the student who showed the new students around. it was rare to see shanley upset or rude to anyone unless she was defending someone. she had good grades (our shanny was v advanced), kind of a teacher’s pet but like still got her seat moved or sent to the hallway because she wouldn’t stop talking. i almost made her superlative most likely to say something stupid because like that’s her too. she was on the yearbook committee, played volleyball, and was a part of the student government. if she wasn’t at school or home, you would most likely find her with arlo, which whew. a story there. when it came to the sclub, she spent whatever free time she had left with them. encouraging all the trouble; shanley will do ANYTHING you tell her to and probably doesn’t think about it. don’t give her dumbass a dare because she will do it. sorry , i forgot what i was going to say; let’s change topics. NO i remembered, lets carry on. she’s always up for a good time. don’t hesitate to invite shan...even if you don invite her...she’ll invite herself SO. fast forward to college, shanley was accepted to loyola university and moved to chicago. how excite!!!!  kso she always knew she wanted to go away for school yanno be miss independent thats why they love her BUT college life wasn’t easy, not in the beginning at least. she was going through a breakup and lost herself for a while. became cold and detached; honestly after the break up her routine was to go to class then back to her dorm, study, cry and repeat. she was only friends with her roommates till finally they forced her to go out and deal with her heartbreak the “””normal””” college way aka getting stupid drunk. *tiktok vc* it izz what it izz. joined a sorority then dropped it because it was too culty for her. she got a part time job at insomnia cookies. slowly became high school shanley again. her spirits were especially lifted when she began student teaching. the kids made her so happy. they also proved to her that teaching was what she was meant to do. next thing ya know, four years are up and our girl has a degree in elementary education.  no one probably asked but her love life !!! like mentioned earlier shanley is single. she was convinced she was going to end up marrying arlo, maybe not right after high school like people assumed but eventually. they just connected on another level so when he ended things after their first year of college, shan was crushed. but if you’re curious, she's still got the hots for arlo. are we surprised tho? no? exactly. thanks for reading, pals. dsjkn okay i’ll add more. fine. so she hooks up with people and goes on dates but no one sticks. she doesn’t want them to stick either. she knows she had that like one great love and doubts she’ll ever feel it again so she just prefers to be on her own. she don’t need no man !!!!!!!! except for one...but mind ur business. so like what is shanley nicole evans up to now? well, her original plan was to move back home once she had graduated. but she was offered a teaching position in chicago and gladly accepted it. she figured since she loved living in chicago so much and it was at the school where she completed her student teaching; it all felt right for her to stay there. this was a fresh start for her. and she got it!! ya girl moved into a beautiful ( expensive ) apt near lake shore drive, started her own tiktok account where she randomly went viral and fell in love with all her students who she calls her kiddy beans!!

E X T R A !!

has 4 tattoos:       portrait of her dog, on her left calf // why? again obsessed w/ her dog       aquarius symbol,  on her right outer elbow side // zodiac hoe. Is v proud       coffee mug, on her right wrist side // her first tattoo. couldnt think of anything else.       honey bee, back of her arm above elbow // got really drunk, heard a song, thought of arlo, ended up at a shop with friends as a joke and woke up the next morning with it. 8 piercings: 3 each lobe. Industrial ( left ). tragus ( right ). sings when she talks sometimes most of the time speaks in really bad accents; new jersey being her fav is always in a dress...look at her pinterest...all she has is dresses. she likes to show off her legs ok. obsessed with animals ( if she’s not paying attention, its bc she’s thinking about her dog and/or bunnies ), coffee, and junk food. a jonas brothers stan, nick is her favorite brother. shelf is her favorite song. cries whenever she hears when you look me in the eyes ( she sang it to arlo when he took her to their concert ). has a big following on tiktok. on the teacher side. she posts her ootd and weird shit her students have said. sometimes even reenacts scenes from new girl. a reality tv show about birds she sees. its quite entertaining.  potatoes and pasta are her favorite foods. grew up making fairy gardens has a concentration face  dances for no and every reason.especially if she’s excited or beat someone in something. rambles way too much, forgets what she’s talking about mid sentence, attention span of a fruit fly. she has a hammock named bartholomew and she chills on it when she’s sad...so most of this trip. :-)))

welcome 2 the end; gimme all ur plots. i wanna plot with you all. i am down for everything and anything. 

[faedawayyy]

THIS IS POST 2: CHARACTERS WHO HAVE SOME STORYLINES AND PLOTS ALREADY BUT AREN’T NEARLY AS ESTABLISHED AS THEY COULD BE. THEIR PLOTS WILL INCLUDE MORE LOOKING FOR LOVE AND MESSINESS BECAUSE THEY DON’T HAVE AS MANY COMMITMENTS AS THE ONES IN POST ONE.

MILES

the only carmichael boy who is officially single from his household. i feel like this has definitely caused his mum to push her attention on to him, particularly because he lives at home. she definitely wants him to settle down with somebody and at the moment, he fake dates arabella to keep her happy but there’s more i can get out of this. SOOOOOOO...

- HIS PLANNED GIRLFRIEND/WIFE: this was charlie at one point but she has more with leo now so it doesn’t really make sense. somebody from a wealthy family who his parents wanted him to end up with. maybe they’re constantly pushing them together but the two of them HATE each other with a passion and do everything they can to mess up their parents plans. - FWB: he’s been in the shadows for quite a while which isn’t a surprise given how much leo, mason and brody have going on. but, now he’s getting a bit older, i think he’d be more confident in himself and i can totally see him hooking up after events and stuff and having a few fwb. it’d be cool if these had different dynamics too like unrequited crushes/people using him for fame etc.  - MALE FRIENDSHIPS: he’d definitely hang out with people in his family’s circle but also people who are different and come from different walks of life. as a general rule, he’s chill and not big on aesthetics and appearances if that helps anybody! 

NATE

HE’S LIKE MY 2021 DALLAS AND THAT’S THE DIRECTION I WANT TO MOVE HIM IN. he’s a rising star in terms of his music and also has a minor acting and modelling career. he definitely gets the right amount of hype too so i think he’s the best choice out of my new guys to really give like the whole ‘rising star’ thing. i have QUITE A FEW ideas for him bc i’m excited! 

SIDE NOTE: him and imogen aren’t officially end game. like they might be? but what i’m trying to say is me and nadine haven’t plotted anything like that. their official plot is that they were dating behind charlie’s back when imogen was with charlie. now imogen isn’t w.charlie, they flirt and hook up but are p.toxic and argumentative. 

- FWB/RUMOURED PARTNERS:  this one goes w/o saying. i think i’m going to cap the plot at about 3 (not including imogen). maybe 3 different girls he’s linked with and has his own thing with. bonus points if one of these is a PR arrangement and it doesn’t go any deeper than public appearances.  - SECRET SHARERS: so with his career getting bigger, i think he’d be more serious about keeping his secret which is basically back in high school, him and a few of his friends are responsible for leaving another guy in a coma (he’s still in it now) after they spiked his drink to stop him from exposing them for cheating their way into st judes. i need maybe 3 or 4 people who all had a hand in this but we can work it out together. 

- FRIENDS/PEOPLE HELPING WITH HIS CAREER ETC.

EZRA

i’m kinda stuck with ezra. i have ideas but i dont know what the best way to execute them will be? so, he obviously has his son - nicolas - who is being raised by his mother atm. he’s natalie’s son; ezra and natalie were high school sweethearts but have gone their separate ways, they coparent as much as they can. this year ezra has got closer to madison and then felicity but in both relationships found they weren’t really satisfied with just him and flirted with others...so he’s kind of in a weird place. - PLATONIC FRIENDSHIP: maybe someone who knows all about his son and has helped ezra raise him/keeping it all a secret. it would be strictly platonic. i think she/he would be ezra’s best friend and they wouldn’t have any grey area. there’s no romantic feelings but the bond is strong. 

- EX: in between natalie and then felicity/madison. maybe they broke up because he wanted to focus on nicolas and didn’t have enough time for their relationship but there’s still feelings there. i just want somebody who genuinely loved/wanted him at one point and doesn’t always find someone better :’) we could develop how things unravel in 2021.

LUKE

luke’s father is the head of film at st judes and he has a lot of pressure on his shoulders to do well. at the moment, he’s in his good books because he’s a key part of the harry potter movies which is really pushing him and boosting his profile. he’s very focused on his work but also wants to branch out and make more connections. he’s currently interested in athena but i want to dig into his past a little more.  - EX FRIENDS/RIVALS: a friend that luke grew up with and they both went into acting, that’s when the friendship became toxic. they were always trying to outdo one another and it’s continued on to this day; they both have good careers but aren’t satisfied unless they’re doing slightly better than the other one; this can be m or f. 

- HIGH SCHOOL GIRLFRIEND: he went to gallagher high school. i think it’d be interesting if they were dating and looked as if they’d be typical high school sweethearts. maybe the plan was to live in one of his parents place, get regular jobs and settle down but then he chose his career/st judes and broke it off because it got too serious too soon. bonus points if she still hasn’t fully let him go bc she truly did love him. 

- COMPLICATED EX: an ex he dated at the beginning of st judes and it just got toxic very fast. maybe the reverse of his high school girlfriend - she fell out of love with him/was stringing him along and now there’s a lot of tension.

- WILDER FRIENDS: he’s very clean cut at the moment and has pressure to be a good example for others bc his dad is so linked to the academy, but maybe friends who tempt him to go out more and enjoy this time/make memories/do crazier things.

TAEWAN

ok ok i’m getting bored but for taewan, it’s very similar to luke. BTS are really going to be pushed to be the best next year and this is going to create both new and break old connections for him sooooooo take a look.

RIVALS/INDUSTRY ENEMIES - artists who work just as hard, if not harder, than BTS but don’t see half of the benefits with advertisement and getting prime performance spots at award shows. i think there’ll even be rumours than BTS buy some of their awards. he’d 100% have enemies by this time next year and would lowkey be sad about it bc he knows BTS are in the wrong, but also his career means too much to just admit it. P.R. GIRLFRIEND - a girl who’s a rising star too and he’s placed in a fake relationship to boost both of their profiles. it’d need to be a relationship where they clash and do not get along with one another bc i think that’d be fun. maybe they grow to like each other or be at least friends in the end but !!! the more tension the better tbh.

LOVE INTEREST/BEST FRIEND - i feel like he’d have one person who is currently his best friend and they’ve always kind of had feelings for each other...but now BTS are blowing up and management are getting involved with who he’s seen with and who he can be with, their friendship is breaking down massively and they’re drifting.

BRIELLE

brielle has just moved in with imogen and park and she’s been thrown into like, the world of old money and the richest family’s in violet springs. she’s experiencing so much new for the first time. imogen and her friends have kind of taken brielle under their wing & her life has kinda separated into two.

PEOPLE WHO KNOW HER FROM THE STRIP CLUB - i’ve literally been begging for this connection since i had her. her main source of income is stripping and dancing at a sketchy club in london. i’d love to have someone who sees her regularly and even pays for her to perform for their. i feel like it could either be they become infatuated with her through it OR they lowkey do it as blackmail to make the point that they’ve always got something over her.  OLD FRIENDSHIPS - people who have NO connection to the richer families and are friends with brielle from before. they know about her getting closer to imogen and the hamiltons and brielle is almost like their eyes on the inside, and they meet up and just gossip about everything that brielle has experienced. maybe one of these friends get a little jealous at some point and accuses her of forgetting who her real friends are/changing? NEW FRIENDSHIPS - people who DO have connections to that whole circle. maybe they get closer to brielle through events that she comes to with imogen OR they kind of mock her and treat her like an outcast. i definitely think she’d encounter some mean girls.  ALSO new friends with benefits because why not! there’re so many possibilities. i’m just getting tired of typing LOL

YULIA

yulia currently lives in the home of the family she nannies for. this job funds her scholarship at st judes, but she tells everybody that those people are her parents and sisters. she gives off the impression that she was born rich and doesn’t mention her real family to anybody because she’s ashamed. she has a lot of self hatred when it comes to where she came from and is v.much continuing with ‘fake it ‘til you make it’.

GUYS SHE USES FOR PUBLICITY/MONEY - i think yulia wants nothing more than to be legitimately rich, so she’d be very picky about the guys she flirts with and gives her time too. she’s probably more determined to get a rich and famous boyfriend than she is about having a successful film career. her priorities are all over the place. 

SOMEONE WHO HELPS HER CONTINUE HER LIE - maybe one or two friends who know she’s a nanny and they aren’t her family - but she doesn’t know that they know that. however, because they like her and/or feel bad for her, they play along and help her continue her lie.

ELOISE

eloise is the oldest calloway sister and even though she’s technically a “half” sister, she’s been raised with the other girls and is very close to them - especially zara. she’s the sensible one and often has the most level-head. she doesn’t take much shit but is also a hopeless romantic and loves to be in love. she really doesn’t have much at all right now so i could do with lots of different plots:

childhood friends, people who were like sisters to her when her real sisters weren’t. 

an ex boyfriend and her first boyfriend. i feel like the break up would’ve hurt because she’s v attached to people 

a close friend who has a ridiculously big crush on her atm; boy or girl idm! i feel like eloise wouldn’t know at first and maybe freak out when she finds out and we can see what happens from there 

maybe friends/guys who have used her to get to her sister(s)

MARGO

MY BABYYYYYYY. margo is legit my favourite and thats saying a lot bc you guys know how much i love issy and hensley. she’s basically signed herself out of rehab and takes advantage of the fact that dallas is working SO hard to get everything done. she has a huge tendency to buy and drink her feelings away SOOOO.....

ENABLERS - i kind of want her to get in with ‘the wrong crowd’, and by that i mean like...people who don’t rly care that she’s an addict and want to have fun with her. i have a really specific connection in mind where they’re fwb but it’s no good for her; BUT she’s kind of easy and happy to have sex hjkl; so they just keep her on standby.

OTHER FWB - i really want her to just go through a massive sleeping around stage. i haven’t really found someone she ‘clicks’ with. she relies LOTS AND LOTS on park and even though they’re not romantic, he’s her safe space. but i think there’d be a lot of other people in her life who she gets different things from. some ideas could be excitement, or people who baby her, or someone who maybe cares a lot about her & its their only way of being in contact.

EX FRIENDS - friends who gave up on her after she went to rehab and became a mess. she’d hate them bc as tough as she acts, she HATES HATE HES being abandoned. that’s why she clings to park and disney sm, bc she knows that they’ve been her friends since the beginning. 

[lcyalty]

i don’t feel like making a joke to break the ice so here’s one of my favorite tiktoks: https://vm.tiktok.com/s1rSS5/ . anyways, hiii, fed admin sabrina here :) time to check off the introductory personality checklist: i’m 20, a leo, a slytherin, a woc, a pre-law major on the east coast, uhhhh harry styles and marvel trash, i play over 10 instruments, i prefer the thigh over the chicken breast, and i’m really happy u all r here and joined my little creation :’) smack that read more to learn abt my children daisy moretti and jude valentine so we can plot !!

                                                             DAISY MORETTI.                                                  pinterest: https://pin.it/7unKPi8                                                                     the basics: full name: daisy mia moretti | hometown: the bronx, new york | zodiac: aries | orientation: bisexual | employment status: intern on the news broadcasts floor | positive traits: social, determined, hardworking, attentive, confident, smart | negative traits: rude, irresponsible, cunning, cutthroat, insensitive, selfish

the backstory:

here’s the best way i can describe daisy: take the love for fashion and luxury of carrie bradshaw and cher horowitz, mix it with the power and intensity of olivia pope, and add in all the meanness of every single rude, b*tchy person you can think of. that’s her.

daisy was born to a huge italian family who all had odd jobs; her dad specialized in fixing the batteries on smoke detectors. her mom ran the laundromat down the street. a lot of her uncles owned car detailing businesses and she had a couple of older cousins who were janitors or low-level staff members at the local middle schools. while her family was fine with this, because hey, it paid the bills, daisy, who had always had expensive tastes from the start, turned her nose at it all.

she, unsurprisingly, became the first in her family to make it past high school. daisy did absolutely every major, resume-boosting thing while she was in school, because she learned very quickly that she liked power and being better than others. there was something she loved about coming home from school and getting to brag about her debate team win while her cousins could only nod. 

she was great at school, and she made sure everyone knew. she did mock trial, debate, sga -- she even joined the environmental club just for the clout. and then one of the people in her model un group said she should run for president one day.

it made sense. daisy likes power, she likes bossing people around and always being right, and she doesn’t take shit from anyone. she’d be a fantastic fucking president. so, naturally, after finishing college and pushing through an internship she didn’t really like just so she could have another bullet point on her resume, daisy applied for an internship at masters international. she knew she’d get the gig, obviously.

daisy loves fashion and luxury. she spends majority of her money on vintage chanel tweed matching sets to wear into the office, she has red bottoms that give her four extra inches of height, and her foundation costs over a hundred dollars. you’d think she’d want to be on the floors that deal with vogue and help organize new york fashion week, but that’s not going to get her a presidency, duh. daisy interns on the floors that handle the news broadcasts so she gets firsthand knowledge on all the shit, political or otherwise, that goes down in the country.

i would love to type more but i don’t want to hint at anything that points to her secret, so i’m going to explain a little more about daisy’s personality

she’s so, so controlling and bossy. she wants to be the absolute best at everything, and the shining star of it all. daisy’s definitely an attention hog, and she’ll bust her ass on her work to make sure she’s better than everyone else on the floor with her. 

daisy’s very picky about who she hangs out with. as a future presidential candidate, optics are very important, obviously. she only surrounds herself with people she deems to be good for her image, and she’ll gladly let you know that she thinks you’re too shitty to be around. she cares a lot about how she appears to other people, you know.

daisy is selfish and rude, and truly doesn’t care if she hurts someone’s feelings. she speaks her mind and has absolutely no filter -- which gets her into a lot of trouble, i’m sure you can imagine. 

wanted connections:

enemies: if you need a bad guy or work rival in your character’s life, i wholly volunteer miss daisy moretti as that bad guy. it’s not hard for her to make enemies when you consider her personality.

ex: please please give me an angsty ex plot filled with depth and all the details. there’s gotta’ be a reason why daisy wants to be not only the first female president, but also the first president without a spouse, after all.

hookups: listen. she has needs.

                                                            JUDE VALENTINE.                                                   pinterest: https://pin.it/1dfK9dE                                                                 the basics: full name: jude lee valentine | hometown: tuscaloosa, alabama | zodiac: gemini | orientation: heterosexual | employment status: corporate attorney for masters international | positive traits: friendly, warm, sociable, extroverted, smart, witty, energetic | negative traits: compulsive, secretive, disloyal, impulsive, ignorant, desensitized

the backstory:

picture it with me: a ranch. nice pale green shutters and a huge yard. there’s cows in this picture, too, and horses. there might even be goats. there’s a tractor by the two ford trucks, a dog sleeping on the porch, and not another house for another twenty minute drive. this is what jude valentine is used to. he’s a country boy from alabama, equipped with the southern accent and everything. yes, he has a pair of cowboy boots. yes, he brought them to new york with him. yes, he pronounces creek as ‘crick’.

jude is a very sweet boy. he was quarterback in high school, got good grades, and every sunday he went to church with his family because Bible Belt things. homeboy is named after a book in the Bible. he’s all about southern manners and hospitality, about treating people kindly and always putting others first, and he always keeps his morals in check. or, he used to.

when you’re home it’s hard to stray away from what you’re used to. the same held true for jude in college, because even though he went to u of alabama (can you hear him yelling roll tide), he was still in his home state so he felt those morals still stuck with him. but then he applied for law school and got a full ride to nyu law, and whew, the Temptation

‘cuz you see, jude was always a sweetie pie. he still is! in high school he was super popular because he was tall and cute and athletic but funny and brought extra biscuits from home to hand out in homeroom. i’m not gonna lie, he’s charming af. he’s smooth and he has good jokes. the girls loved him but the little sh*t had a purity ring.

but then he got to nyc for law school and let me tell you. alabama is not close at all to manhattan, now is it. jude was fine the first couple of weeks, just worked on his case briefs in his shoe box of a starter apartment... but the women. homeboy started sleeping around a LOT after a while. y’know wet dreamz by j cole where he’s like haven’t been inside p*ssy since i came out one? yeah, that was jude until ny, and he’s very much still like that

is jude still the sweetest, nicest guy ever? yes. is jude still the type of guy to knock on your office door and ask if you want to walk to get coffee with him even though you guys have probably never met? yes. is jude the first guy on the dance floor when there’s a midnight party on the rooftop? yes. is jude the type of guy who’ll fuck with you and say no, he only listens to music made by a spoon and a blade of grass if you think he only listens to country music? yes. but he also has slept with at least twenty different interns and employees at the office, so.

he also dabbles in the occasional little pill when he’s got eight depositions to write up before tomorrow but he was too busy screwing some chick the night before. he first did this in law school. but we don’t worry about that.

stop it, i know what you’re thinking: sabrina, come on. so he sleeps around, okay. what’s the big deal about that?

here’s the big deal: he’s engaged.

lil (i say lil but he’s 6’3” while i’m only 5’0”, so lemme stfu) cupcake jude is a cheater. he’s got a whole fiancée and yet he still sleeps with other women, and each time he’s like no, okay, that was the last time for real, but then there’s a new intern at the office and the higher ups always throw the new people at him because he knows how to make people feel comfortable, and his country accent is cute and refreshing among all the new york bs, and the whole attorney thing certainly isn’t a negative, and, well. he gets tempted. and afterwards he always tells the girl okay, please, can this stay between us.

u wouldn’t know he’s engaged either bc it’s not like he’s wearing the engagement ring, now is he

i’m staying hush on daisy’s secret but jude’s is that he’s cheating on his significant other with people in the office. is he still a nice guy? heck yeah, but also, you have to be a certain kind of messed up to keep cheating on your s/o and just not tell them. that’s a lotttt of lying you’re just comfortable with. oh, what’s that? you’re threatening to tell his fiancée that you two slept together because you think she deserves to know? well. he’d hate having to do it, but... jude’s not above knocking someone down if it means his secret stays hidden.

wanted connections:

hookups: literally i will take as many hookup plots i can get. doesn’t matter if they’re an intern or an employee; jude will sleep w them and then make them promise not to tell anyone in the office afterwards because “wE’rE nOt sUpPoSeD tO sLeEp wItH cOwOrKeRs” but we all know why he wants to keep it under wraps. this also doesn’t have to be an only connection; he can be friends w someone but also hook up w them on the low too

fiancée: this one is huge for me so pls pls message me if ur seriously interested in this plot and we’ll talk !!

friends: this one is so easy bc jude will literally make conversation with a chair. he’s super sociable and fun and approachable and he loves making friends !! give me some ppl he can pester during lunch break and throw balled up pieces of paper at

best friend: he’s gotta have that one person that he just clicks really, really well with. jude talks to everyone and he’s super friendly but this person is his confidant. he goes to them w almost all of his problems and rants to them and asks for advice and likes to just be around this person. trusts them w his entire life. hmuuuuu :)

ex: listen. we all need a good ex plot and this person is probably the only one in the office jude isn’t bringing a complimentary donut to

sister: jude has a younger sister and honestly she was gonna be a npc but the idea of him looking out for her at the office and getting all (ง•̀_•́)ง when ppl r mean to her is smth i reeeeally like. or maybe they actually don’t get along that well and bicker a lot but there’s still that underlying hey i’ve got your back. you piece of shit. type feel going on !!

[isolctions]

y’all ain’t really ask but i’mma talk abt it anyway.

i’ve already started to tag things for them bc i had the idea formulated in my head since...the literal inception of the vaughn siblings, but being that bakari is the most reckless of them all, it kinda felt weird that one day i could potentially write his death (which, by the way, i will.) & feel like there’s no one set in stone in his life like with the rest of the siblings. so before any of bakari’s current ships, relationships, or any connections gained through writing him on my blogs, bakari has one other person as his confidant — nikita simms.

bakari met nikita the way he met a majority of the people in his life that he considers close friends, people outside of his family members that know him best, people that he treats as if they were his own blood: on the playground of a church down the block from the two bedroom project apartment that the vaughns were living in. they played together, sure, but he didn’t actually come to know nikita until the passing of cartier led the siblings to enter the public school system for the first time.

since bakari was six, he, nikita, and zay attended the same school, even if they didn’t have the same teachers as grades progressed. and while at first, bakari tried to pull the tough act by stealing nikita’s things on the playground, she essentially beat his whole ass during recess for trying her too many times and he respected her for it. zay included, they were a team, all throughout sixth grade — until, as they grew up and developed their own interests (zay with art, bakari with putting katya & damon’s drug dealings on a pedestal, nikita with writing clubs afterschool), they drifted apart. it didn’t officially start until the summer of seventh grade when she admitted, rather awkwardly after their first kiss, that she wouldn’t be going to school with him anymore.

from then on out, their relationship had been rather similar to the characters from the movie ‘the wood’, ronald & alicia. yeah they saw each other from time to time on the block...but not often. as for zay’s perspective, being that she’d been part of his first real friend group, felt so betrayed by her leaving suddenly and doing her own thing that he took to calling her ‘sugar hill harlem’ — when in reality, she’d still been living in harlem with her grandmother at the time, who sent her to a catholic school further uptown. but because bakari knows this, he defended her without looking ‘soft’. and yeah, they kissed that one time over the summer, but they don’t talk abt that! nor do they talk abt how irritated they get with the other while discussing their crushes or anything. just casual friend things.

their tenth grade year is when shit got tough for them. she hadn’t known, and had inadvertently found out from zay, that bakari chose to drop out of high school in favor of selling drugs. so at that point, their friendship had been low blows, arguments, and passive aggressiveness. they didn’t fully talk about this either, until one night at a house party where nikita got waaaaasted. and when she confronted him, she ripped into him. all his potential gone, all the hope to move in footsteps away from his father’s, and instead he went to sell drugs. she’s crying, he’s fuming, they’re upset — but he still got her home safe. cause, y’know...that’s his home or whatever.

and the next morning, they talk abt their lives now again. how this changes shit. bc no matter how mad she was at him for his decisions, she’s still in his life & still wanted be. that’s what friends are for, right? and through this vulnerable ass discussion they have, they happen to kiss...again...and again...and again...then they just ask: ‘what are we even doing?’

and so they have sex.

they both have done it before, so it was just whatever. life went back to normal. they still hung out and got dollar pizza every now and then. nikita still sat with zay, despite their differences, to help him study for shit he wasn’t planning on applying. and when she graduated high school, nikita got a full ride at spelman. bakari hadn’t seen nikita since 18, and that was just how it was.

fast forward to the tail end of 2017, october to be specific, when nikita finally graduated from spelman and took time off before starting her internship at a writing company in atlanta to come home to harlem — or, back to earth, as he’d call it. and they changed. he had a tattoo shop now, and the first thing that nikita does is get herself inked with her first tattoo at swavey’s. then, bakari invites her out to celebrate down at damon’s nightclub, 92nd’s. she’d only been in town for a few days, so why not? they dance, they smoke a few, they share a few drinks and memories and life stories since she left, and it felt just like they’d been on the block again, chasing after the ice cream truck and splitting their quarters for a sundae.

and then, when he drives her back to her hotel room in a damn porsche, they have sex. again. and they text in the days afterwards, and off to atlanta she goes.

2018, he gets the text from nikita that she’s pregnant. they’re both stubborn and hard headed, though, so he takes the first flight to atlanta despite her telling him not to, and they just...figure it out from there. and although he’s still working and moving weight and attending meetings for and with katya, and while he’s still the most reckless fucking sibling out of all of the vaughns, he tries his best! he keeps this mostly under wraps from the rest of his family though, bc he prides himself on being the only one aside from ni’kyah to not have kids yet. cause he’s just a lying ass bitch.

july 31st, bakari & nikita had themselves a little leo!! amari marquel vaughn came, with bakari in the room to witness the birth of his son and be with his best friend. he may be a piece of shit, but he still a good dad!

these days, their son is now one and a half, and they still maintain that same close ass friendship. nikita has considered moving back to new york just to make the distance between them bearable, because she really does hate him not being around his son although he surprises her with visits often to make that happen. he used to think that his death wouldn’t mean much of anything to the small circle of people he keeps close to him, but now there’s amari he has to think about. imagine finally growing up at a whole 23, almost 24 fucking years old.

and when does his family, namely his mother, find out about this? fucking thanksgiving dinner, when nikita surprises him with a visit for once with amari in tow.

and like i said...the relationships that are established for the vaughns in canon (aka my head) kinda come first to me. it’s what i immediately think of with certain things. so just know that i’m not invalidating any ships that he may have within indie, but nikita is a presence in his life that is seldom going away any time soon. so there’s that.

[cami-chats]

A Family Man

Chapter One (of 2)

Fandom: Charmed, Supernatural (yes it’s a crossover)

Pairings: Piper Halliwell/Dean Winchester

Warnings: None, except maybe some Leo bashing bc really what tf was that

Piper was obviously pregnant. Her other kid was around a year old, so she was almost certainly still with the father, whoever that might be. She didn't wear a wedding ring, but some people didn't, and besides, Dean had heard that pregnancy made your fingers swell up so it was possible that she did usually wear her ring, she just couldn't right now. Anyways, the point was that she wasn't interested in anyone-- let alone Dean-- but there was no harm in looking. Especially when she was that gorgeous. It wasn't a model sort of beauty like Dean used to shoot for when he was hunting and dropping by bars for some diversion, but she was undoubtedly gorgeous.

With the yellow eyed demon gone and Sam back at college, Dean needed to do something with his life, and living on the run with a string of crimes following him wasn't as appealing as it used to be. Working at a nightclub wasn't exactly settling down, but at least he had a legitimate work history now. Besides, P3 was great, and Piper hadn't blinked at giving him his first several paychecks in cash before he had enough to open a bank account.

Funny as it was to think about, he was bonafide now. Sam would bust out laughing if he could see him now. Then again, Sam was a can of worms he didn't want to mess with right now. Or any time soon. He unlocked the door and started down the stairs, hesitating in one of his steps when he saw Piper sitting at the bar, head hung at whatever she was thinking about.

"Piper? What are you doing here so early?"

She startled, but in the next moment, she seemed perfectly at ease, turning around to smile at him. "Hey Dean. I was-" she gestured vaguely, "talking to Chris."

"Chris is here?" Dean asked hopefully. Chris was always happy to see him, and he was probably the best friend Dean had right now.

"He just left."

"Damn." At Piper's bemused look, he added, "I like him. Guy's my only friend around here."

"Huh." She had her head cocked slightly, like she was putting together a puzzle that Dean couldn't see.

"Uh... something wrong with that?" he asked, a little nervous. Chris felt like his best connection to the normal world, but Piper was his boss; if she fired him, he was screwed, and he wasn’t sure his friendship with Chris was good enough to risk his life for.

"No, of course not. It's just, Chris doesn't get along with... people. Not usually anyways."

"Must mean I'm special," he joked, smirking.

Piper seemed to take him seriously though, her expression thoughtful. "Must be. You want some help setting up?" she offered, already getting out of her seat.

"You don't have to, I'm fine."

"You know, between you and my family, I'm liable to blow something up if I keep getting side-lined like this."

Dean shrugged. "It's your club, do what you want."

Piper raised an eyebrow, trying to project snootiness though she was obviously amused. "I will."

After a minute, Piper put on some music to pump through the speakers. Weird as it might sound, Dean had the best prep shift ever. He didn't really think about it through the dancing-along's and mouthing-the-word's party they had on the fly. "It's been a while since I've had this much fun," Piper said.

"Me too, "he admitted. And what fun he had had in the past was often interspersed with hunts that went to hell, so the memories were sour to him. Even his time with Sam hadn’t been like this, with Sam always trying to keep them going so he could get back to his ‘real’ life. Any time Dean had tried to make light of the situation, Sam had glared at him or gotten all moody.

"With Leo and everything," she started to explain before trailing off as her happy mood faltered.

"Who's Leo?"

"Ex-husband," she said, making a face. She ran a hand over her swelling stomach, and Dean could imagine what that 'everything' entailed. Learning that she was single had no victory since she was clearly left in a bad spot by it.

"Sounds like an asshole," he said flatly. Say what you want about John Winchester, but at least he'd loved his wife.

"You don't know anything about him," Piper said, but she was holding back laughter.

"Going from your reaction, I'm guessing he left you. Right?"

Still looking amused, she nodded.

Dean shrugged. "Then he's an asshole."

Piper laughed, looking lighter for it. "It's not actually that simple, but... thanks. I can't really talk to anyone else about it. I mean, I could, but I don't want to unload to my sisters about it. They'd try to make it better, and he'd be around for a bit, and then he'd leave again to work for the 'greater good'."

"Bastard sounds like my dad," Dean said. Oh John had been obsessed with revenge, but he'd made the decision to sacrifice his sons' childhoods so that other families wouldn't suffer the way he had. The way 'they' had suffered was how he phrased it, of course. Dean had thought about it a lot since he and Sammy went their different ways after ganking the monster, and he still didn't know how he felt about it, because it wasn’t just their childhoods that had been messed with, it was their entire lives.

"Sounds complicated."

Dean snorted. "That ain't the half of it." He shook off the topic and tried a smile. "Thanks for the help."

"No problem. It's nice to feel useful for once."

"He must be crazy to leave you behind," Dean muttered, not really meaning to.

The way Piper looked at him though, it was clear that she'd heard.

Dean cleared his throat, blushing. God it had been so long since he'd blushed that it only served to make him more nervous. "Sorry."

"Don't be."

There was a charged moment where they looked at each other.

It wasn't actually a surprise in the moment that it happened, but leading up to it confused him. Piper was shorter than him by half a foot, so she had to lean up and pull his face down to meet her in order to reach. She was kissing him, and there was none of the vibrant electricity all his past relationships had demanded. This was soft and comfortable, and he leaned down further so she wasn't straining. His hands went to her hips automatically, and he could just barely feel the swell of her stomach against his palms.

"I um," Piper licked her lips as they stopped. "I hope that wasn't inappropriate of me."

"I'm pretty sure I was the one that hit on you."

"Still, I'm your boss. If you're worried this might affect your job-"

"It won't." Dean kissed her again, and for an instant she kissed him back.

She pulled back abruptly, taking a few steps to give him space. "I have a child. I'm about to have another."

"I know. Wyatt's a great kid. I'd like-" Dean stopped, rubbed his hand over his jaw and tried again. "If you'd let me, I think I could be decent at the whole family thing. If that's what you want."

"It's complicated," she said with a sad smile. She wanted to give in, that much was clear, but with (almost) two children, she had more at stake than her heart.

"What isn't? I just-" Dean swallowed, "I think this could work if we tried."

"My life is... it's too complicated, Dean. I can't drag you into that."

Sensing that her mind was made up, Dean nodded. "Right." He looked away, feeling hot and embarrassed. "If that's how you feel then-." He nodded again. "I uh, should go unlock the door for the crew, they'll be here soon."

"Sounds good," Piper said, and he ignored the strain in her voice since she'd been nice enough to not point out the one in his.

He was in a bit of a mood for the rest of the night, but he was pretty sure no one noticed. It's not like he blamed Piper for her choice-- she did have children and her closely-knit family to consider amongst whatever other family drama they had-- but it was still depressing. He hadn't thought he had a chance for so long, and then for one great moment, he'd had it. Even better, Piper was the one that had kissed him, not the other way around. This is what real life was like though right? Relationships didn't get out of the starting gate, and his biggest worry was whether or not the pizza place down the road from his apartment would be open by the time he got home.

He got to leave promptly when the actual concert started, so he made it back with plenty of time to grab a pizza. Absolutely delicious, cheap, dripping grease pizza. He felt better just thinking about it. He didn't want to subject Baby's seat to that though, so he parked in the apartment's garage and walked the half-block over.

As soon as he was out the door, he folded a piece in half and shoved it in his mouth, juggling the box for a moment as he closed it and got everything back in order. Pizza couldn't fix everything, but that's where pie came in, to fix the other half. He didn't have pie though, so this would have to do for tonight.

He turned on the tv and polished off the rest of the box. Then he realized that he was still in jeans and changed into sleep pants, shucking off his shirt and throwing it in the laundry hamper-- because he had a laundry hamper now, that was the kind of turn his life had taken. He sat back on the couch and wondered if he should even attempt sleeping yet. It wasn't too late, and he was used to staying up for a few more hours when he was closing at P3. Laying in bed might be pointless and only serve to make it harder to get to sleep.

A knock came at the door, and he frowned. A few people knew where he lived, but it's not like they ever visited. Chances were it was someone who had the wrong apartment, a common problem with half the numbers peeled or missing from the doors. He looked through the peephole out of habit, then frowned at what he saw: Piper. Why was Piper at his doorstep?

He unhooked the chain and unlocked the door, opening it slowly. "Piper? What are you doing here?"

"I was hoping we could talk. About earlier."

Dean's frown deepened, even as he opened the door wider to let her in. "I thought we said everything we needed to."

"Not really." She ran a hand through her hair as she walked in, the long strands seamlessly falling into their new place.

He closed the door but didn't lock it, not wanting her to feel confined.

"Listen," she said, turning to him. She hesitated, eyes trailing over his bare torso. Her cheeks pinked, but she brought her eyes back up to his face like it didn't happen. "My family requires a lot from me, and from anyone I'm dating. Leo-- my ex-husband-- he knew about the details from the start so I didn't have to worry about it, and it just seems like every time I find someone new, they can't handle it."

"I think you'd be surprised at how much I can take." He crossed his arms over his chest, and Piper's eyes flickered down automatically.

"I'd love to find out, but it. It's too big a risk."

"You said that earlier, Piper," he said, not judging. "We already talked about this, why are you here?"

She hesitated, and he understood: she wanted to give in, but she needed to be convinced, for him to take the first step.

He swallowed, wondering if this was the right decision but knowing he was going to try it anyways. "You know, it doesn't have to be that serious. We can... try it on. See if it goes anywhere, and deal with the problems as they come."

"I have a kid," she reminded him, but it was obvious now that she felt that she needed to remind him, not that it was a denial.

"That doesn't mean you can't have fun."

"Pregnant ladies don't really get to have fun if it's not about the pregnancy."

"Says who?" Dean made a show of looking around the apartment, then stepped closer so they were in the same space. "I don't see anyone here but you and me."

He started to lean down, giving her plenty of time to change her mind. Plenty of time to say 'actually you know what I was wrong, sorry'. But she didn't. She tilted her head up, smiling slightly when he bumped their noses together teasingly before pressing their lips together. It shouldn't have been a life-changing moment, but the way they molded together felt like something he'd been missing his whole life. One of her hands came up to help hold him in place, her fingers curling around the back of his neck. Her other hand went up to his arm, curving to the skin easily as he put his hand in the middle of her back and pulled her closer.

It had been a long time since Dean kissed someone for so long his lips started to feel sore, but here it was, happening to him as a grown-ass adult. He had an ache in his back from leaning down for so long, but he didn't want to stop. He felt absolutely desperate, his cock hard and straining against his boxer-briefs, and his best comfort was that Piper didn't look much better. Her pupils were blown wide, and her cheeks were stained red with want. Both of their lips were swollen from kissing for so long. Taking a chance, Dean asked, "Do you want to come to my room?"

"Yes," she said immediately, before he had time to worry that he was pushing for too much. It was a small place, so they were in his room a few seconds later.

"Can I take this off?" Dean asked, sliding his hands under her shirt on the sides. In response, she lifted her arms, so Dean picked up the edges and pulled it up. His eyes roved over her skin, and he followed it with his hands a moment later when he realized he could. "You're gorgeous," he breathed. He kissed her again, fingers playing with the clasp on her bra in question.

She gave his arms a squeeze in answer, and he flicked his fingers, undoing it. Piper stepped back and dropped it on the ground, then pushed her pants past her hips and climbed on his bed. She lay there, head propped up on pillows and legs slightly spread showing trimmed pubic hair and a glistening entrance.

"So fucking gorgeous," he muttered, pushing his pants and underwear down in one go. He knew it would be smarter to grab a condom and lube now, but he wanted to kiss her again and nothing was going to stop him from doing that.

Piper groaned, one of her legs curving over Dean in an instinctual bid to keep him there. "Dean," she gasped. "Please."

"Sorry," he said quickly, giving her a quick peck. "Didn't mean to tease. Just can't stop kissing you." He kissed her cheek three times in rapid succession, causing her to giggle. He grinned, giving her one last kiss before rolling off her and rifling through the nightstand. He opened a condom packet, then hesitated before putting it on. "You sure you want this?"

Instead of making some sort of joke about how ready she was, she grinned at him. She had a few crooked teeth, and in the light of the streetlamps, it was obvious she was pregnant. Her hair was half stuck under her back and half splayed out on his cheap sheets. Dean had never wanted someone more. "I'm sure," she said. "Come on and show me how good our relationship can be."

He grinned back at her. "I can do that, no problem." He rolled on the condom, following it with a little lube just to be safe. Once he was back between her legs, she bent her knees to make the angle better. He slid inside slowly, knowing that he could go faster but wanting to take his time. Piper was warm and wet, and he wanted this to last forever at the same time he wanted to fuck her hard and give both of them the completion they were craving.

Dean rocked into her, responding to each of her gasps of pleasure with a moan of his own. It was slow and sweet, building up so leisurely that he was almost surprised when he came, grinding their hips together as she clutched at his shoulders.

"God, Dean, that was," she trailed off with an appreciative laugh.

Feeling very proud of himself, he smiled, giving her another kiss. "Yeah." Laying on top of her was lots of fun for him, but certainly less for her, so he rolled to the side, carefully taking the condom off so he wouldn't make a mess.

"Mm." Her eyes closed, and she looked like she wanted nothing more than to fall asleep just as she was. "Can I use your bathroom?"

"Sure. It's just right over there," he said unnecessarily, pointing in its direction.

"Thanks." She pushed herself up and went over. After she peed, she walked back over and sat on the bed.

"You can stay if you want." He'd prefer it that way, of course, but they'd agreed that this didn't have to be serious.

Piper thought it over, then laid down. "Maybe for a little bit." She stretched her arms with a satisfied groan, and Dean took the chance to use the bathroom himself and get cleaned up. He went back to the living room and locked the door.

He'd expected for it to be awkward when he got back because that's what he was used to, but there was a comfortable air in the room when he got under the covers with her. Getting to sleep had always been easier after sex, and this time was no exception.

It was a rude awakening when a phone started ringing, echoing in the sparsely decorated room. "What the-" He reached for his on the nightstand automatically, but it was silent.

Piper groaned, throwing the covers off of her and rifling through her pant's pockets on the ground until she found it. She flicked it open with an annoyed, "What?" as she sat back on the bed. "Yeah, I'm fine. Is something wrong? Was there an attack?" Pause. "Then why-?" She blew out a breath. "Yeah, I'm sorry, I forgot to call. No I'll be home in a little bit." She rolled her eyes as she got back up and started picking up her clothes. "Don't come get me, I drove. I swear to god Paige, you worry more than Chris. Yeah yeah, I love you too." She hung up and rubbed her eyes.

"Everything okay?" Dean asked, voice rough from sleep.

"Yeah, my family's just worried. I forgot to tell them I wouldn't be by until late."

Dean checked his clock. They hadn't been asleep more than an hour, which explained why he felt so stupidly tired right now. He ran a hand over his face, then sat up. He grabbed a pair of underwear and slid them on, then helped Piper gather the rest of her clothes.

"Thanks," she said, then again when she was at the door. She pulled him down for another kiss. "I had a great time. See you around?"

"Definitely. Have a safe drive."

They smiled at each other again, and she left, hair softly tousled in a way that made Dean's heart ache.

[gotatext]

claws my way out of the dirt like the goblin i am ..... hello thots, its nora, once again bringing you a revamped version of a muse i played yonks ago n some of u may have even written against... here is her pinterest.....

this is margaret greta, she’s a whole can of trauma spaghetti plastered over with a toothy grin and a lot of dad jokes. the only reason she’s in gifford really is bcos shes been put there as part of a witness protection program cos lots of police r monitoring livingstone so its deemed relatively safe.... haha... anyway she changes major all the time. she started off doing fine art but since then she’s done modules in architecture, film, bio-chemistry and is now dabbling in medicine. 

CIS-FEMALE — ever hear people say GRETA O��DRISCOLL looks a lot like DIANA SILVERS? I think SHE is about 21, so it doesn’t really work. The MEDICINE major is a SOPHOMORE that is from DEADWOOD, SOUTH DAKOTA. They can be +CHARMING, but they can also be -EVASIVE. I think GEE might be SHEEP. They are living in YATES. ( nora. 23. gmt. she/her )

this bitch is the most restless creature u ever seen. before she came to livingstone, she’d lived in 8 different cities in 3 years. 

was adopted as an infant. had two foster moms and two older sisters so always surrounded by women. lived in a boarding house, very much like the one in 20th century women, with lodgers coming in and out all the time, mostly artsy young women because her gay moms were both high school teachers trying to set up their own arts collective. one of her moms left when she was 4, n she doesn’t really remember her.

while living with entirely women made her super into catlin moran and the guilty feminist, as a teenager she often let boys walk all over her bc she just craved male attention jst bcos she’d never really experienced it. saw it as something aspirational, like sitting in the back of chad’s second-hand truck while he drove you to macdonalds and offered you and his five friends with identical haircuts weed was the height of being cool to greta, she wanted to be their dream girl, even if it meant compromising her beliefs

bubbly bitch but also massive snake. metaphorically and literally, always shedding her skin. loyal to few, ruled by none, out for herself, babey!! every place she goes, she becomes a new character, someone who’s a figment of her imagination, as if each city is repertory theatre and she’s a character actress, so as a result som ppl think she’s called rita, some ppl know her as margot, she just flicks through identities like nobodies business.

goes through phases of being intensely feminist and tweeting “men are trash i don’t need them” before flipping into being lonely and needy n wanting male attention again. tends to gravitate towards men who are just pieces of shit tbh like her friends are always like hun.... pick a nice boy..... but no.... she’ll go for the boxer with several arrest records for gbh or the small-town drug dealer just trying to hook her onto pills for a little extra cash, or the reformed sinner who thinks he’s being protective by reading all her texts and always knowing where she is..... n she always finds a way to spin it so that they Just Care About Her and aren’t a p.o.s 

left school at 18 n didn’t go to uni, moved in w her boyfriend of the time instead, but soon got bored, n then went backpacking around the states making money in the casinos by being a shot girl (yeehaw) and trying to make it as a mysterious 1920s widow with a smoky voice, a dark secret n a heart of gold, looking for love in the big city. all she found was producers and acting agents who’d promise her stardom n actually just fuck her in a motel n then ignore her calls.

TW domestic violence, TW gun, her watershed moment came when she met luke in sioux falls while she was playing bass for a country n blues band. he was a few years older and had a car, and they kind of went from seeing each other to being that super intense couple who are just necking all the time. 

they got engaged like 3 months after they met n rented a flat together, much to her family’s annoyance but she was 19 so there wasn’t much they could do. their relationship was super super intense though, often really heightened and when they fought it could become quite violent, but she’d pass it off as just him being really passionate. 

one of their fights got really heated and greta threatened him with the gun he kept in the glove box of his vauxhall corsa, but the safety was off and she accidentally shot him. she pleaded self defence in the trial n cos of the amount of times she’d been hospitalised for various concussions n things like ‘fallling down the stairs’ the police were like yea... pretty watertight evidence that he was a bastard who [chicago voice] had it coming..... also this happened in 2017, he was mixed race and greta is white so naturally the police totally took her side. she’s now under witness protection, rehoused in livingstone as a sports-scholarship student, due to the amount of police involvement in the area, it would mean should one of luke’s family members try to track her down, she’d be relatively safe

 massive sports fanatic. plays tennis. on the cheer team. was a track superstar in her high school. honestly just that sporty bitch, you’ll see her doing lines at a party at half four and then on your way to your 9am lecture you see her running across the park like a fresh fucking daisy who is this bitch

pretty easy to get along with (provided you don’t anger, provoke or question her too much) because she WANTS your character to be enthralled by her and will do whatever it takes to win them over. she wants everyone to love her

is That Girl who always knows where the parties are, and is always there, on the sofa, talking about institutionalised racism and trying to coerce you into a game of beer pong that she’ll definitely win. doesn’t really have one solid group of friends, just kind of on good terms with everyone and social butterflies about

has changed her major so many times. decision? who is she. currently studying medicine, but doesn’t rlly enjoy it. she’s very unmotivated and lazy and probably wouldn’t ahve bothered going to uni if she hadn’t been placed in one by a witness protection program. will probably change on to history or gender studies soon n just make up the extra credits by volunteering

 massive feminist. low key quite scared of powerful men bcos of her ex. wants to start a female only lesbian commune bc she misses her childhood in a south dakota boarding house and has endless support for women. honestly annoyed that she is attracted to men, would so be 100% gay if it was a choice. cuffs her jeans and can’t drive. is That bisexual. skateboards. wears backwards caps.  i hate her

plays bass guitar, has a teal green fender and it is her BABY. it’s covered in stickers about saving the planet and ending fracking and going vegan. she’s in an all-female punk band w agnes (n mayb jade i think) n they play gigs every now n then in grotty club basements full of druggy sweaty college kids

PERSONALITY: easy-going, sociable, observant, blunt, amiable, nihilistic, self-serving, laid back, independent, unmotivated, charming, lazy, impulsive, alluring. ESTP and a leo

LIKES: art, music, john wayne movies, black mirror, philosophy,  cowboy chic culture, DC comics, arcade games, candyfloss, deep red lipstick, marijuana, dogs, karaoke, Kate Moss, late-night strolls, zip-lining, chemistry, suspenders, cigarettes, herbal tea, gallows humour, cold coffee, long showers, brown eyes, tchaikovsky, dr. seuss, boiler house DJ sets, magnolias, decorative lamps, worn-out furniture, twangy electric guitars.

DISLIKES: bananas, coffee, Woody Allen, mental mathematics, children, Trump, institutionalised misogyny, the imaginary future, french literature, Wes Anderson films, spoken word poetry, the general mentality of cheerleading squads (despite being on one)

aesthetics:

a bubble of pink gum on chapped lips, mom jeans, a beaten up pair of adidas, denim jackets, strawberry laces, knee-highs, chapped lips, peeling sticky plasters, split knuckles, bruises you try to cover with concealer, stick and poke tattoos, hot coffee, sleep caught in your eyes on a lazy afternoon, kissing girls, cigarette smoke shrouding you like a veil, alien conspiracy theories and sci-fi paperbacks, doc martens with fraying laces, the red string of a thong peaking out purposely from jeans, leonine arch of your back and that stellar smile that says ‘you have no idea who you’re dealing with’, a rucksack permanently packed for the move, a streak of red across your lips, roller blades, cut knees, not eating your greens, smiling with a mouthful of blood, and piercing your own ears with a safety pin when your mom wouldn’t take you, kate moss posters lining the walls of a teenage bedroom, his name scrawled in rage across the pages of a diary, thumb holes poked through the cuffs of your sleeves, a tennis racket you punched through in a fit of temper, feet pounding the earth until your soles bleed crimson, sleeping in a cherry lip balm and scrunchies to keep the wild locks from your eyes. 

wanted plots: since greta literally can’t differentiate between romantic and platonic love, she’s got off with so many of her mates, so i want awkward friendships where they nearly dated, or exes that have now just turned into weird friendships, and girls from the cheer team who she’s like, weirdly intimate with like the shower together but its not a Thing cos the other girls straight, and I want like, fellow medicine students who are like?? how is this bitch still passing?? i swear she goes out every night?? she works part time at a fast food restaurant, i want a mate that just goes and sits in there talking to her until her manager gets angry. ppl she did a few modules with before changing course and somehow sort of remaining in touch with, like she did a few art modules, a bit of film, n some architecture before switching to medicine, though she’ll probs switch course again soon. ppl who she runs track with. someone she’s trying to make a zine with. here’s a list of plots on her old blog if u want any of them w her.

would love plots of any type, throw them all at me please, i cnt wait to interact w all of u. like this if u want me to message you about connections / plots! xo

full biography if u can be bothered

trigger warnings: drugs, domestic abuse, gun.

you never meant for it to happen. you’d heard the stories, of girls who let their man walk all over them, and thought to yourself “i’ll never be one of those girls…” the kind that eat low-fat yoghurt and drink slim fast to shred a few extra pounds because he said she was getting round in the tummy, or the ones who spent their evenings tied to a kitchen sink drinking wine while him and the boys played poker, wishing god, if only I could get out of here. not you, not you raised by strong women, four bright shining beacons. single mother with her hard-as-nails attitude and her stony glares, elder sisters (twins) one ginger, one blonde, one doctor, one lawyer, both determined to take a bullet to the brain and a hammer to the patriarchy before they let a man touch them without asking. you were always so inferior, so insecure and small, like a bird (like a sparrow) with blonde plaits down your back sucking tropicana whilst your busom buds sucked dick, their lips permanently ripe with stories of their sexual exploits, fake tan and glittered nails whilst you sat in the unbroken egg of virginity wondering what it was like to be loved. one day you found out.

lily milligan’s parents gone and a free house for the night, bottles of ouzo and tequila swiped from your mother’s liquor cabinet thinking she wouldn’t know (she always knew) your legs, hardened from pep squad, slut dropping on a kitchen table because the boys thought it would be fun to get the quiet girl drunk. you’d never had a sip before that night. band t-shirts, denim shorts and the split soles of rotten converse that you refuse to let go of, you still clutched with both hands to your youth, but in a tube top now (borrowed from alice carmichael who had a sister in college) and a short tennis skirt, your feet not in trainers but in thigh-high boots. uncomfy as hell but lily said you needed to look sexy. you didn’t know if you wanted to be sexy. you didn’t know what kind of girl you were, if you were even a girl at all. but robbie looked at you like he knew exactly who you were, like he knew you better than you knew yourself, and his lips had the pink cupid’s bow of a movie star, and his hair was dark locks, curling like a mane. his hands were soft, and suddenly on your waist, and after three more shots his lips were on yours and his name was the only sound in your head and on your lips as you lost it in lily’s college sister’s bedroom beneath the glare of a T-Pain poster. you bled for what seemed like hours, his hand still in yours, kissing on the sofa as truth tellers and dare devils continued to spin a bottle of unprecedented youth. you thought it was love. robbie was the one. he loved you, you knew it, how else could someone be so soft? but soon he grew bored, scrunched up your paper heart and set it alight. then came the tears, the hatred, the ‘fuck robbie, in fact, fuck all boys.’ and that you did.

you were known for being easy. any boy could be yours for a night, as long as he promised to love you for those few short breaths and pants before you cried yourself to sleep. you felt poisoned, but poisonous as well, as if by ensnaring these young boys you were gaining power over them, and not the other way around. soon it started to work. they’d want more, but you’d deny them it, sick of sucking off silly schoolboys, they’d call you a tease, a vixen. maybe you were, but you couldn’t help but want older men. you got the history teacher first time, him bending you over his desk to sneak a hand up your tennis skirt as the after-school clubs carried on next door, unawares. love didn’t exist, not for you. it was nothing but a game for pretty young girls to play, bubble gum in their canines and a hand tugging at the hem of their cheer skirt.

there was so much anger inside of your small body, ‘beware of boys and their hook-like words’. hockey helped. there was something formidable about the feeling of a stick like a weapon in your hands and the thwack it made against thighs in the heat of a scrum - “slipped, sorry!” - you’d utter with a snakeskin smile, millicent quinn knowing that you’d hit her on purpose because she shagged robbie at that party last week. she couldn’t prove it, cobbled acne on her forehead turning green with disgust. ben came into your life like a car crash. two years your senior, with a baseball jacket and shoulders like a god. he became your personal hero. on the pitch, he was lethal. together, you could bring anyone to their ruin. each day after last period he’d be waiting in his car. you’d leap into his arms like a girl-half starved, love me, love me, love me, your heated kisses the envy of every junior girl. he was yours for three blissful years, utterly yours, and you were his, his star-spangled girl, and he was your knight - you were both the same, playing games, always difficult to predict. it was a shock to all when he proposed, high-school sweethearts find love in south dakota.

the engagement was a bittersweet affair; three months – you barely out of your gingham print skirts and into a graduation gown, him, a surly quarterback towering above your sisters, cigarette at his lips and a scowl like a fart in a lift. they hated him. so did you. but you were eighteen and in love, and he fitted the cookie cutter mould. everyone wanted him, and you had him. you had him and you were happy, happy, happy, and he loved you. he said he’d give you the world, anything you wanted hand-picked and given to you. instead, he gave you a jack russell terrier and a flat you couldn’t swing a cat in, wallpaper peeling like the rotten bits inside of you, the bits that only he knew. and you got tireder and tireder of the sad excuse of a life he’d picked out for you, him out doing god knows what to pay the bills, and you dancing on tables to pave your way to stardom, and this was love, this was real, until the shine wore off and your fresh-faced, dimple-cheeked cheerleader facade faded and the ugliness started to reveal itself, the whining, the petulance, the sharp-tempered cruelty, the mind games, the need to always win, win, win. he was dull, he was boring, he was nothing like the boy the girls had said he was and no chiselled six pack could hide his lack of anything remotely interesting, your patience wearing thin until it snapped like rubber, a rucksack on your back, running shoes on your feet and the joint bank account emptied into your eighth grade birthday wallet.

you built your small fortunes working the casinos of sioux falls, a crimson dress and an attitude to match. bookish archie with his little dipper freckles was fun for a month, before he became just as dull and dreary as the rest. a three hour bus and you were in minneapolis, bright eyed and bushy tailed, fresh meat ready for the pickings. a hostel here, a friendly co-worker’s sofa there as you made what you could by taking off your clothes and shaking your ass like you were back in pep squad, doing what you did best. you met your fair share of creeps, and soon it was back on the road to escape a wide-eyed stalker and a restless itch for more. milwaukee, chicago, you made the roads your own. log cabins and lodgings, and the occasional motel, a beaten up pick up truck purchased at a scrap merchants – you got a few miles out of it before it bit the dust, and when you finally set it alight after nights spent lounging across the driver’s seat, a parka tucked over you as a duvet, you were sad to see it go. you’re nomadic by fault, never attaching to place, people or things, creating a new personality in every place you go like a character actress; each town is a different repertory theatre, and you’re the star. a compulsive liar, you even fib about your own name, to some you’re ellen, nineteen, bookish, a law student who likes smoking and cosmos. to someone else you’re rita, you’re twenty five and look young for your age, like smoking, comics and fucking in public places.

in the bright lights of michigan, you found charlie, sweet charlie, too good for you, though you let him spoil you while he thought you were the small town girl of his dreams. next came abigail, who was fun until the jealously kicked in, and then luke, gorgeous luke, dangerous, exciting, who despite his temper, despite the fights, despite bruises down your spine and your teeth marks on his arms, loved you with the strength of a wild fire. there was destruction in your wishbones, a savageness from the field, from the pitch and now somehow in his arms, you were godly. he was cruel, he was careless, and he refused to fall at your feet like so many other boys had, which only you made you want him all the more. you were rage incarnate. you hated him so fiercely you thought you might kill him, so he played the only card you wouldn’t predict; proposed.

the house you shared was a backstreet flat in detroit, you making your name as a downtown singer while he footed the bill with pills. they had a drug for anything these days, to dull the senses, to pick them up, to drive you to insanity or pull you out of the madness hole. the two of you lived like criminals on the run (you never told him that you were, living out your days as the enigma he wanted you to be), you with your voice like caramel and fishnet legs. you were his and his alone until his hand was at your throat and the gun was in your hands screaming at him to stop, stop, stop, until a bullet stoppered his brain, crimson staining linoleum as you cast yourself out like lucifer. self defence was decreed the moment they saw your violet neck, black tears and headlight eyes and mind screaming red, red, red like the pom-poms you shook so willingly in school and the insides of his skull. you were gone, and “you” was born, renamed “greta”, boxed, shipped-out, and next-day delivered to livingstone where under witness protection you were a student, blank slate, fresh-faced in a place where no one knew your name, doing what you always did and starting again.

[nataliademarquis]

hshqtask 005: get to know the mun !

001. name / age / pronouns

ashley, 17, she/her

002. which character(s) do you play?

natalia de marquis, lily liu, leo de bragança 

003. nationality / ethnicity / timezone

american, vietnamese (a little chinese too, it’s in there somewhere apparently), cst

004. tell us a bit about your  ( home / current country / city / etc. your pick)

you know the drake in my feelings music video ?? yeahhh that’s where i’m from. born and raised. i went to a new years party in the house that “kiki” lives in. also, my friend’s sister was an extra in one of the clubbing scenes and when drake came back to nola to perform he invited her to his afterparty and apparently he’s really weird. anyways on to new orleans

my favorite thing about it is it’s history/architecture/culture actually. i can prob talk about it for ages. the architecture is v interesting bc it’s french buildings but a lot of spanish influence. (there was a fire when it was under spanish rule so they rebuilt off the french let me stop before i get to the louisiana purchase) and the history of the city is really cool.

i can’t forget about the best part- mardi gras!!! well partying in general... very proud to say u can drink in public here. and there’s no such thing as last call bc u can serve alcohol 24 hrs technically. god bless us. even tho i wanna leave i have to say there is no place like new orleans

005.  favourite color / fruit / season

pink and (emerald) green, dragon fruit, summer

006. favourite books + writer whose writing style you admire the most

ummm i honestly never have time to read books anymore, i used to love reading tho. i really love the catcher in the rye, it’s a basic ass book i know but i really like the lessons and story it tells. 

007. what kinda music do you listen to + any fave bands / musicians

i literally listen to a little bit everything, mainly like pop rock, rap, and r&b... sometimes classical when i’m feeling it. my fave artists are like childish gambino, brockhampton, haim, jorja smith, kanye, travis scott.

008. what are you doing for a living / what are you studying?

i’m probably gonna go into biology/pre-med but i’m seriously considering changing to business (like entrepreneurship/marketing). idk yet i’ll see

009. what’s your dream occupation?

ideally i’d want to be kim kardashian- like just have random businesses and be super hot as my job. but for real, i want to be an anesthesiologist if i go the pre-med track. if i go business then i would want a business/idea of mine to be successful- or make a company and sell it for $$$

010. relationship status

siiinngggllleeee

011. coffee, tea or hot chocolate?

coffee

012. dream holiday destination?

i’d really like to go to japan... i’ve been to their airport but i want to actually visit

013. the thing you’re most proud about yourself

i love to help people. i went on a service trip to belize and built a house for a family and nothing made me happier- prob best and proudest moment of my life was handing over the keys.

014. tell us a bit about your family!

i have an older sister and a younger brother. i have a gazillion cousins but we have a close circle of like 15 of us and we’re super fun... we just reunited at a family member’s wedding the other day it was a grand old time

015. how long have you known your closest friend?

13 years and counting ;)

016. superpower you’d like to have?

teleportation. the amount of money i’d save 

017. celebrity you’d like to meet?

kim kardashian pls don’t judge me i love her

018. guilty pleasures

i’m addicted to starbucks and that’s why i never have money

019. pet peeves

idk i’m a pretty forgiving person- but i hate when people are rude to waitstaff like servers and stuff esp when it’s obvious they have no control on what’s happening

020. do you have any hobbies?

umm i play the violin. i like to go to the gym (most of the time) and i like makeup and painting.

021. where would you like to live in the future?

austin, texas. i don’t think i can ever leave the south or go away from the equator. i wasn’t cut out for winter PERIODT

022. tell us a story about a thing that recently happened to you! it can be a funny, scary, sad story, your pick!

so i went to this music festival and my friends and i are in the crowd of this random dj’s set. my friend spots this guy and his friends and she’s like “i just know he’s british we have to go talk to them.” so she drags us over and we strike up conversation. turns out they’re australian, and super cool. we danced with them and stuff and we’re asking about their accents and they made fun of ours... and i’m dancing with one in particular, and he gives me his number and tells me what hotel he’s staying in. and i was like ummmmm. then they asked us to meet them at another set but we never made it and we never bothered to hit them up again, so rip to my australian lover LOL.

umm and we met some italian soccer players last week (they play for some college team) after getting pizza and we went out with them to a bar the next day. what country will we hit next? guess in the comments below 

[phoebehalliwell]

Paige/Jinny enemies to lovers - is it still enemies to lovers if only one of them knows they're enemies?

ok, so this is pre-season four, bc it's the only way I can see it working. sometime in season two/three, Jinny's latest master comes to San Francisco. maybe he's trying to impress the source, wants to kill the charmed ones, etc. point is, he's in SF, and Jinny is out of her bottle for some reason, and she takes advantage of being in a crowded city to make a break for it, punches her master in the face and just books it the hell out of there. she's not really thinking, bc he can always just order her back in, but he comes after her nonetheless, grabs her by the arm and gets physical.

enter Paige.

she's just coming off work, she's had a long day and she's tired, but when she sees some creepy old dude with his hands all over this young woman, very obviously threatening her, she goes a little bit apeshit. she cold-cocks the demon, yells for someone to call the cops, makes a huge nusiance of herself until everyone on the street is looking. and the demon knows he's outnumbered and he's too smart to make a further scene, not when he's got Jinny's bottle to control her with, so he takes off before things get worse. only he dropped the bottle when Paige punched him and Paige picked it up to give it back to Jinny, inadertantly making her Jinny's new master.

not that she has any idea of this, because she has no idea magic even exists, she just thinks she rescued Jinny from some kind of abusive relationship. for Jinny's part, she's not about to tell some random mortal that she's a genie; she doesn't know what kind of wishes Paige would make right off the bat, and she can't risk losing the chance to get wished free. so she decides to bide her time, gain Paige's trust, then betray her later by getting her to make a very crucial wish.

but Jinny underestimates Paige, and Paige's compassion, and that when Jinny tearfully insists she can't go to the police, Paige will take her home with her to take care of her because she's obviously terrified and traumatized. and when Paige asks who Jinny was fighting with, Jinny calls him her master, so Paige is now convinced that she rescued Jinny from some kind of sex trafficking situation that Jinny doesn't bother to correct.

Jinny tells Paige that her family is dead, and she has no home, and Paige offers to let her stay on the couch. and she offers Jinny new clothes to change into, and free run of the fridge, and a shoulder to cry on if Jinny ever wants to talk about what she's been through, and Jinny's kind of baffled bc no one's ever treated her like this. not in the underworld as a lowly demon just trying to survive, not when that sorcerer seduced her and then cursed her into the bottle, and certainly not from any of her previous masters. it's been a long time, if ever, that she's experienced kindness, and she finds that she kind of likes it.

she lives on Paige's couch for a while. days, then weeks, then months. she and Paige get along well enough that Paige just never asks her to leave, plus Paige is aware of the whole 'alone in the world, nowhere to go' thing and she's not about to throw Jinny out into the street. Jinny goes out and explores the city and then gets a job at a coffee shop near the apartment, bc Paige never ordered her back into the bottle, never set any limitations on how far she could go, and she's kind of bored and maybe a little addicted to the shop's coffee and what better way to have a free, unlimited supply. she finds herself talking to other people, and helping people, and slowly doing more and more good. her bottle sits on a shelf somewhere in the apartment, gathering dust.

Jinny maybe also starts seeing a therapist. Paige's suggestion, to help her deal with the trauma she's lived with for so long, and normally Jinny would laugh at the idea of spilling her guts to a mortal, but it's rather cathartic to talk things out, at least as much as she can without revealing magic. she asks Paige to come with her to one of the sessions; Paige holds her hand when her voice starts to break, takes her out for ice cream and a long walk in the park afterward.

Jinny's been living with Paige for almost six months when she realizes that Paige keeps the fridge stocked with the fancy lemonade Jinny loves, that she's got a toothbrush in a cup beside Paige's on the sink, that she knows Paige's favorite coffee order to bring to her at work as a surprise. that maybe she's falling in love with this mortal she's supposed to be tricking.

she has a bit of an existential crisis then. she's supposed to be evil; it was what she was born to be, it was what all those masters made her with their treatment over the centuries. but Paige doens't treat her like she's evil, doesn't treat her like any of the others. Paige treats her like she's something wonderful and worthy, Paige smiles when she sees Jinny making breakfast in the morning, says 'thanks, babe,' in that scratchy voice that tells Jinny she's still half-asleep and not actually listening to what she's saying. Paige is - Paige is maybe in love with her, too?

Jinny's not entirely sure how to deal with that.

so she doesn't really; just shoves it to the back of her mind, thinks about it every once in a while but not for very long. certainly not enough to be obsessing over it. she has a mission after all, and she can't let these pesky feelings for Paige get in the way of her revenge.

but then Paige comes home that night having crashed a stranger's funeral, and she's all wired and jittery and she asks Jinny if she wants to go clubbing, and then they get attacked by a demon and Jinny's mind is made up. Paige is hers, and no demon, not even the Source's personal assassin, is getting his hands on her.

Paige's new sisters being the Charmed Ones might be a bit of a bigger obstacle, but Jinny will deal with that after she finds a way to tell Paige about the whole genie thing. and find a way to get free without trapping Paige (or anyone else bc Paige wouldn't like that) in the bottle. and then she has to tell Paige how she feels.

omg. tbh ten times funnier if leo as a whitelighter can sense jinny is a genie and goes hey what’s with the the genie and paige is like jinny? and piper and phoebe are like GENIE?? and jinny’s like okay word i guess this is how i’m meeting my gf’s family also yes paige i am a genie but to be fair! i also didn’t know you were a witch. so like. i didn’t wanna scare u or anything. also funnier if piper or phoebe or hell even prue frequented the coffee shop jinny went to actually scratch that prue was a regular at the coffee shop jinny works at and they do chat a lot bc like. idc prue comes in on her lunch break or something to get away from bucklands and just chat blah blah blah they kind of become acquaintances where u barely know each other but r still homies and then prue kinda stops coming in and jinny’s like oh okay bummer ig but then like four weeks later prue shows up not remotely at her regular time with a camera bag slung over her shoulder and jinny’s like ??!!! okay spill and prue talks about how she quit her job at the auction house and is finally pursuing her dreams of photography and how liberated she feels blah blah blah prue & jinny talk about the concept of freedom with jinny definitely having her takes we’ll say prue has an art show with her photography and tells jinny about it jinny of course brings her girlfriend paige bc paige is also an artist they get all dolled up for the art show blah blah blah and they even like idk buy one of prue’s photos and have it in their apartment bc like again paige is an artist i think her apartment would be filled with a lot of art. paige even briefly talks with the photographer herself - what an interesting woman! and at some point in 2001 prue stops coming to the coffee shop and jinny wonders what happened to her but accepts that she’ll never really find out and doesn’t worry about it too much maybe she moved somewhere new and is taking amazing photos & living her best life. at least that’s what jinny hopes. flash forward to paige and jinny minding their own business in their apartment when piper and phoebe kick down the door like power of three spell now we need electricity come on lets go! and stop dead in their tracks bc that photo over the dining room table. where did you get that photo. and paige is like we bought it at an art show and jinny’s like yeah the artist used to get coffee at the place where i work and piper and phoebe are like that’s prue’s photo. that’s that is a photo prue took that’s her work and paige’s mind is kinda reeling bc holy shit she like. she met prue before. and she didn’t remember til now but she met her and they talked about their favorite artistic inspirations and the studio where they were both taking self defense classes at at the time and she had talked she had met prue before. prue had liked her. she had met her sister.

[ddontyyoukknow]

I’ve heard stories of people who are fine and chillin and who encounter narcissists and are just kind of broken emotionally for a long time after, as people who were raised by one, the only way to heal is by long time away from that person. You don’t understand how much he’s holding you back and no matter how much everyone says he’s changed, if that man hasn’t gotten therapy then he’s still being emotionally abusive. You need to get out you deserve a better environment. If he was an actual boss, based on how he treats you guys he should be in fucking jail so I don’t understand how you and my mom are still so compliant with his bullshit. Like at least get your own apartment if you want to stay for the company and get therapy so you start understand what behaviors are not normal. I’m still realizing how deeply I believe that people will treated me like my dad, and how long it’s going to take me

to retrain that sense of self that I was never allowed to have in order to be happy and do what I want with my life. Children of narcissists are emotionally stunted and take it from me, you don’t talk allot to allot of people but I believe I am one of the people who knows what you’re going through the most. I’m telling you right now you need to start looking for a way out and also for therapy. The only reason why you would decide not to is because it would be too hard, but you deserve the room to be fully yourself and heal, based on what you know about them will they be able to provide that and magically start treating you like a ducking human being? You deserve better Leo. You’re an amazing sweet creative brilliant person! You’re already doing amazing things and proving how level headed and patient you are. You’re also smart for deciding to bare with my dad in order to have a better future for yourself. Be careful of overestimating your strength. You’ve allowed him to dim your light for so long and things like depression and anxiety are a bitch to get rid of.living with my parents is familiar to you but with change comes growth. I love you you’ve always been my partner in crime Leo I don’t care how cheesy that sounds. I feel partly responsible for some of your shyness and withdrawal since I was pretty rough with you growing up and if I could take it back I would. It’s a goal of mine to one day be best friends with you again like when we were kids. But for the meantime I just want to see you happy . That’s basically the whole reason for this text. You know how I e said that I feel like we are super close Bc we survived a “war” together? Well I had a crazy dream where we were like 8 and 11 years old and we were in country club and we were in the middle of a gun fight and me and you were just like hugging and ducking as like bullets would nearly miss us and me being dramatic , when I woke up I felt so sad and guilty because to me emotionally , living with my parents I had to make myself so small and it was almost impossible to be happy there. I just feel like if I went from hugging you and trying to protect you and going through this emotional war together to leaving my baby brother behind to deal with everything on his own. I’m sorry if you’ve ever felt like i left you behind. I want you to know I’m always here to cheer you on and support you in any way I can. I hope you read this. I love you so much.

[heartsoftruth]

Hey ash. I think you have given up on Neymar staying. I haven't. In the past couple of weeks I read just about every article, rumor, analysis, opinion & editorial posted in any language ty google translate.Even the ridiculous ones.I got br app, Barca live app, one of my monitors at work is dedicated to ney stuff..Thought abt it a lot. Got mad at him often.But I haven't lost hope. I agree with most unbiased experts if he wants better sporting opportunities he'll stay. His fathers greedy, he's not

I hope he does anon. I really hope he does… 

1% chance right? ;) 

Anonymous said:How do the psg fans/board/players expect from neymar to win for them the ucl ? And even if neymar thinks that he might carry that team by himself he can be wrong, even messi when he created history with barca and won everything it’s not because of him alone, he had iniesta xavi… by his side to help him win, no team can depend on one player, plus psg is not that kind of team that u can improve urself in it, team with no personality, if they were a good team they wouldnt lose 6-1 after winnin 4Anonymous said:2(forgot to put 1 on the previous) Geri put it best you want more money or you want to win titles. Neymar is way too young to think solely abt money and piling it up for his eventual retirement. Money is tempting(more so to his father) but he wants titles and glory. We’ve been over the level of league and psg. I’m sure he knows it too. If he was 30, I’d believe wholeheartedly he’s gone to PSG. But he’s 25, his best years ahead, he won’t bury those in psg in league 1. Take heart, he won’t go

wowowowwww I like the positivity in you two anons!! I really like it.

I mean Leo became a natural leader over time and with the retirements of Xavi etc. Of course he wasn’t a leader when he first made his debut. I can understand Ney might wanna have a team around him and be the leader of one. I can 100% understand that he wants that and feels he might be ready for it and it would be good for his growth - like i previously said in an aks.  I feel he has the opportunity to be the leader of a team, full of talented star players, during the THE BIGGEST sports tournament in the world: the 2018 World Cup. 

However he gave up the captaincy of the NT, because of the insane amount of negative press he got during the Olympics. And while I agree that it was over the top: You are the leader so deal with it. In France L’Equipe is also brutal, but the pressure in France won’t even be remotely the same as in Spain. 

In France he will defiantly win some titles the Champions ship, the cup etc,.. But other than that…. I hope for him if he goes he succeeds (not when he plays against Barca) but I hope for him he succeeds. 

But I hope more that he stays here. At Barca. 

Anonymous said:(French anon) I’m watching PSG-ASM… BORINGGGGGGGGGGGG help!!!!Anonymous said:GO MONACO! lol

HAHHAHAHHA, Did you survive tho??? Tout bon? xD 

Anonymous said:this means he gonna stay yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas yahooooooo :D am madridista btw love you ash and ramos loves you ;)

What? xD 

Anonymous said:I dont even care. Wheter he leaves or stays. I just want him to say something.

Same… But I think we have to wait for a bit still… 

Anonymous said:But is not that means forcing the person that doesn’t want to stay to stay?! Barcelona should let Neymar go if he wants to go and buy other players with the money before the window closes. I want ney to stay but if doesn’t want to stay he should leave because forcing player that want to leave to stay will only create problems in the team.Anonymous said:This is not PSG who will buy the clause but Neymar, he’s going to buy his buyout clause by himself with the money he would get when he will go to Doha 😉, this is official by the way.Anonymous said:And Barça will not report PSG bc they buy the buyout clause but they will report them by the way they would buy it, that’s not the same thing thoAnonymous said:Argh, sorry it’s pay** not buy ahaAnonymous said:And to be honest this is pretty ridiculous from the club tho, I mean report PSG because they paid the clause? Smh 🙄

Neymar can leave if he wants (and if a club buys him out) but he signed a contract renewal in October so.. 

This isn’t  about P$G paying his release clause like any club can. This is about P$G probably violating the FFP rules for the second time meaning a bigger punishment. Again IF they violated these rules. 

Think this is a logical explanation. 

“Barcelona have decided to lodge a complaint against PSG if the French club sign Neymar. The Catalan club feel that if the player’s buyout clause is paid (222 million euros), UEFA must investigate where the money came from. In then numbers clubs present to UEFA each year, there are none able to pay more than 200 million euros for a player.  PSG have previously been punished and fined for breaking UEFA’s Fair Play rules. Therefore, a second punishment would not only lead to a fine, but also to sporting consequences, such as the possibility of suspension from the Champions League.”

And I liked what Tebas said the other day. If they do it with Barca now they do it to RMA or Atleti tomorrow. He also wants to take action wether they buy Ney or not… 

Anonymous said:It really hurt to see all this hate toward Neymar…

Yeah some of it I can understand. Some is way over the top. Like the hate from today because he went to the RMA locker room… 

Anonymous said:After messi’s goal didn’t ney celebrate with him??🙈😞

For a second you had me worried haha. But Ney was injured outside of the field. That’s why you didnt saw him celebrate. 

Anonymous said:i ship ash with Asensio

HAHAHHA, He’s a cutie pie, but he looks too young and probably is xD But we can have dinner and eat Dutch things hhaa. 

Anonymous said:Ney looked sad? Idk quiet not his usual charged self he even was sitting all by himself when taken off. The guy who normally comes running to celebrate with lio after the latter’s goal was the last to come& it was different. He looked like he is playing his last classico last game here

I dont know where he sat when he went off. I didnt think he looked sad. He looked happy and like I said above he was injured off the field so he couldnt run towards Leo. Have you seen how he celebrated with Ivan? And Geri??? 

Anonymous said:Least neymar can do even if he doesn’t want to talk is rebuff the ‘tired of staying in Messi’s shadow’ rumours. That’s sooooo unfair on Leo especially when he loves and has accommodated neymar so much.he could have easily done an insta post with Messi or something, laugh about it…if it was a brumar or Bruna rumour best believe he would have rebuffed it soo fast 🙄.if he just stops the Messi rumour he would gain at least a little respect back from Barca fans.

I’ve previously - a couple days ago - explained it could be true tho not as mean as it sounds. Just that he wants to be a leader too and knows here at Barca Leo is. 

[rexylafemme]

this precious time when time is new

things come full circle all the time. ruben touched down in nyc on saturday. micah and i trekked to laguardia to get him, laughing on the way about how ridiculous we all were in the bay, how we bet our lil ruben looks more grown now, seasoned, hehe. the last time micah, ruben, and i were together was for the full pisces supermoon in late summer, september 2015--the night before micah would move back to nyc, our last full night at our house all together. a month before ruben would leave, two months before i would leave. this time, ruben arrived in time for the virgo full moon, pisces’ opposite, in late winter 2017, the coldest, snowiest week we’ve had.

that last night together in september, we drove to alameda beach armed with paper, some stones, herbs & flowers, gifts & letters from ex-whatevers & poem drafts to throw to the ocean, ruben’s signature drink: fireball whiskey (ew), a blunt, some candles, a mini speaker. all the trappings for a spell for letting go, for saying goodbye. bitch better have my money on in the car ride there, our heads hanging out the window, boisterous--our anthem for that year (/always), being broke, undervalued, and continuously doing too much work for too little or free, retail and retail and food service and gigs and workshops and unofficial art modeling and freelance writing and recording and plans that kept falling through. now we were in the home stretch. we laid down our blanket, we set out our herbs, our stones, our candles. we sat in a triangle, wrote silently for awhile: what we would surrender to the bay, what we would leave there, what we couldn’t keep or hold anymore. also, what new journeys we needed new strength for.

we went around and said some words about what we’d written, said some sentimental stuff about each other. poured out some fireball, passed it around til it was gone--so sickly sugary & spicy like melted/liquefied big red gum, coating yr mouth and throat. we stuffed our losses in the bottle and walked to the shoreline. we fumbled trying to figure out a way for all three of us to hold the bottle while we threw it, haha. the moon hung to the left of our viewscape, leaving a moving trail of yellow on the water as we watched the bottle bobble away. i walked into the water alone up to my waist--feeling grateful, trying to absolve myself of this place and all its failures, looking up at the moon and asking it my questions about what next and help and please don’t let us lose this. hearing micah and ruben laugh from the sand, smiling to myself with love for them, sighing and crying a little. no turning back now, can’t hold onto everything, nothing is forever, and then it was over, the night. tomorrow everything would be different. just one more chip off an already broken heart. 

“nothing’s changed!” micah exclaimed laughing as we stood propped against the subway doors on the Q train to brooklyn. ruben and i fake-fighting, the bates motel norma and norman faux-codependence theatrical game we’d play-- we all go a little mad sometimes, there’s a cord between our hearts, etc. the three of us hugging and giggling. after almost two hours of traveling from queens to flatbush, we wound up at micah and sharmin’s for game night. i was in the middle of a two-week marathon of insomnia and ptsd nights, so i was feeling raw/cranky/crazy/depleted/negative and was waiting for my affections to catch up with the present moment. ruben! friends! games! you don’t wanna go home and write by yourself, rex, you fool. it’s saturday night! but knowing when i’m like this, at night i get all weird & doubtful & dark, but reminding myself to just be myself, relax, remember what’s good, no pressure, if you need to leave, you can. and you might even enjoy yourself. and of course i didn’t wind up going home til 2am, spent and full, as suddenly the future hit--clocks springing ahead to 3am for daylight savings.

but before that, sharmin’s friends arrived trickle by trickle until there were about ten of us.  uno, jenga, slapjack, drinks, snacks, bullshit, taboo (team names: beyonce v. solange, and ruben and i were on the solange team, the weirder, low key underdog, and we won), stories, music, nintendo, laughter, newness, familiarity. it felt so nourishing to be in a room full of working class folks, folks from queens and bk, and ruben & micah: the two down suburban qts, home people--that easiness and fluency that comes with not having to explain yourself, everyone just getting it, breathing room & shared experiences.  micah and i trying to explain all the wild connections between the people in the bay and the people out here. how i met sharmin, tanya (& tres tho only briefly), and jesse through black brunch organizing in 2014 when i was visiting home from the bay. learning sharmin and jesse both were from my qnz hood and knew my childhood bff ro through other organizing avenues. jova and reuben knew sharmin, too, and tanya and tres, jova having told me tanya and i needed to know each other way before this meeting bc of our poor white femme nyc/nj lives. later, when i moved home and jova was so right about tanya and me, and someow tres & tanya had known micah round the way (?!?!?!). and before that, when micah first moved back to nyc, he called me to talk about some amazing femme he met at the club--something that never happens for us--being so enchanted or even pursued at the club (partially bc we never even bothered to go), and as he described her, i was like, “wait, is her name sharmin???” hehehe, clearly micah can’t get enough of catty witches from queens. explaining the connections between all the ex-friends-&-lovers, too--nyc, the bay-- disenchantments & the chaos and the relief that it was all over. happy to be laughing about it now. ending stories. we have no past, we won’t reach back; keep with me forward all through the night.

origin stories. apparently, the first night ruben moved into our 668 apartment, micah and i were hosting a big party. i laughed and apologized retroactively, but it so sums up where we were at at the time. ruben said it helped him integrate tho, he felt welcomed and i remember being so thrilled to introduce him to everyone. realizing how much the three of us got each other through those two years--all the drama, all the marches, the confusion, blowouts, heartbreaks, housing scares, bad jobs, the nights, the mornings--waking up with glitter on our faces, splayed eyeliner, party carnage, or just waking up to work & life fatigue, big breakfasts, sitting in the sun on our stoop year-round. so much we shared and still a lot of room for things we couldn’t say and didn’t have to. but, how home the three of of us felt to each other then, and now, and how we extended that sense of home to others--sometimes guests sleeping over in every room of the house except the kitchen, our place a safe zone on march routes, multiple sets of people staying with us through rocky times, the big meals we’d host when i was working at  farmers’ markets & the spice shop simultaneously, pooper cat game nights, the trigger warning performance series + parties we threw out of the house. talya called our place the gay frat house (tho i have to say in defense that it was quite clean). leo sun/leo rising/leo moon trio. so familiar, so sweet, so effortless, so open. our little clubhouse, our little family. remembering is good if you don’t let it be the fear in you.

i think we felt lacking then, i think we felt we couldn’t get our footing or find somewhere where we belonged-- but looking back, we created what we didn’t have and we invited other people into it. all the adult misfits. we got burned by being open indiscriminately and it made us shrinking violets by the end, but we’re blooming again now. riding that bloom wave.

at one point the other night, i overheard sharmin say to a friend, “aren’t they so cute? they’re such teen boys over there.” as we were sitting in a corner doing our thing. and that was always true of our vibe-- our bond full of youthful, long-lost brother feels. but, soft, feminine boys, & sometimes we’re not boys at all. 668 40th st, living one up from hell, we’d joke, which maybe is what gifted us that mythical queer fountain-of-youth gene where we look 17 forever. young leos. after long days of work + grad school madness (me) or undergrad madness (ruben), in between assignments, projects, art, meetings, shifts, we were always watching movies from our childhoods, making forts, running around in our underwear, making art on the floor in the living room, doing drag, playing board games, talking shit, pushing each other around and wrestling and cuddling and teasing each other, holding hands and being protective of each other when we had to. our intimacy--so easy & necessary & good & a balm from the bad intimacies we got lost in at times. we grew together: we all taught each other things and challenged each other, especially through our differences. bb ruben had never met a trans person before and micah and i were like “well, here we are!” and both of us so different in our trans-ness. we were all so inviting & open to excavating each other so we could be better at honoring who we all were.

and in new york now, finally living here on my own terms, regardless of the obstacles: housing scares and failures, the last of the bad intimacies (i hope), and family, i am thinking of who i was before. the sense of un-belonging that’s had me leaving new york over and over, the pain of lineage that had me craving escape, craving to be someone else, craving to leave them all behind. while simultaneously always trying to make sense of the people i come from so i could make sense of myself: the grief i never let go of, the contradictions, the violence and the nourishment of us. how all of this and my own self within it--freakish, theatrical, full of shadows, so of them & yet so so other--had me always searching. the people, the others: i was always looking for and the ones i always found. there were the inexplicably lovable yet destructive ones who reified all of the patterns in me i was always trying to leave behind, and then i finally did. bye. and then all the people who were so new; whose influence, paired with my own, allowed us to make something from nothing-- magic, create beauty from old tragedies, whether we spoke of them or not. cosmic people, like ruben and micah, the pretty, sweet boys. boys who weren’t afraid to cry or to touch or to admit to love and fear and failure and wanting. and the three of us, whoever we are and will be, knowing our love was/is strong enough to withhold our leaving, being apart, and all of the transformations that would flush out of walking away, of change. that there would always be a road back. paths that cross will cross again!

and ruben is still here until saturday, so my sentimentality is running away with me. blame it on my wild heart. hehe.

[circumswoop]

Is the Interregnum a Grave?

Peaceful transfers of power are boring by definition. Unfortunately, we’ve never had another kind, until now. Inaugurals and counter-inaugurals always bypassed each other without incident, unless you consider the occasional riff of pepper spray incidental. As it’s usually one group of recidivists handing off to another, how could such a transfer ever be peaceless?

Presidents and their wives, always to the manner either born or raised, hang out with each other during inaugurals, incoming and outgoing. There will be four former presidents at the Trump ceremony, five if George HW Bush plans a surprise skydive. (He could drop in a wheelchair held softly aloft by baby blue balloons, and then be rolled jovially away by security.) This is the licensure of the always-in-power, the ability to feel camaraderie with your replacement, whether or not he (it is always he) humiliated you in public. It’s the most exclusive club in the world, with provided airspace both preferred and elite. There are no cucks in tuxes. Meanwhile, there are presidents-elect yet to be born, and it is not too late to abort them all.

Obviously, one of the five living ex-presidents, and one of the four to attend, will be Barack Obama, whose election eight years ago settled a lowkey war between MySpace and Facebook, or so we thought: look which one is still here, being awful. Obama’s ascent overlapping with the descent of Top 8 culture is probably just me, but I remember the two months between Election and Inauguration Days presenting as forever young, not instantly iconic but worse: instantly idyllic. I’m not gonna tell you how old I was then, but I had a Martine Rose haircut. I was always drunk on one of two things, cheap vodka or soft white power. Still in the running-around phase of my learned liberalism, I anticipated the Obama presidency with a kind of guileless nightvision, blowing out my spectral range. I knew he was already top five presidents, easy, let alone top 8.

Sooner than you can say “drone strike”, that presidency is over and I’m sitting here with a buzzcut that I fear is trendy, reading about the Xiang River Storm and the Red Army Faction, trying not to treat radicalization as merely a way to get through whatever this is, this diastema between waiting to die and waiting to be brought back to life. Maybe that one Netflix series that looks like either a deep FKA Twigs video or a vintage HBA show really did nail what’s going on in the country, this sense of loitering in an unmade bed while outside the air turns green with breathed disgust.

[Stent]

The word “interregnum”, in the aggregate, means pause, interval, suspension--or in one iteration, the distance between discovery and detailed understanding. In the original English version (always worth checking out!), that distance was 11 years between the execution of Charles I and the accession of his son Charles II. In U.S. presidential politics, it was about 70 days before this year, when a majority of everyone freaked out, flatlined, did some modern Movements to try to enter another dimension and then, failing, collapsed into circular contemplations of self-harm. 70 days? More like 70 times 7, which is either the number of times Jesus told his entourage to forgive up to, or the number of “counter-terrorism” strikes the Obama administration(s) authorized in Pakistan, Yemen, Somalia, and Libya. I forget which!

What even is a peaceful transfer of power when the best we probably ever had soothed us partially by making his murder softcore? (My friend made a joke once about Klaus Kinski sounding like a really good cotton candy flavor—it’s like that but in reverse.) Where is the virtue in a proportional scale of human rights? Is it a redundancy covered by the most perennial of all insurances? During downtime, where do our hearts beat? Where is the sound? Will we live? Is life even a quality worth having?

[Stent]

Sometimes, when I drink too much, I pass out but am aided back to consciousness, in little rivulets, by concussive symptoms of withdrawal. Half melodic/half thrash, I moan and writhe. It sounds pretty but it’s not, because all that’s happening is I’m waiting to throw up. I guess I feel like I’m about to throw up, only for four whole years. Don’t even talk to me about eight.

I believe Obama is not a good man but possesses goodness, and I guess I feel bad writing that out loud despite stanning for him the entire time in loyal opposition to his record. Now he’s being replaced by his absolute antithesis, in optics and in credentials, a man who may not be wholly evil but who possesses evil, who puts on its underthings late at night and capers ghoulishly in the mirror; who will sneak into your room and place his hand squarely in the middle of your pillow to see if it’s warm. I truly believe the evil Trump possesses is not despotic but the petty, flesh-crawling kind that smells of talc and sewer, the desperate grasp of the night sweat. For all his fame and millions legit or forged, he sure is resentful.

This principle of possession preoccupies me way more than any argument abt what he’ll do or won’t do. I don’t think even he knows, because his particular evil seeps and blocks alternately. The incredible contradictions of Obamawere his possessions, or weights if you will—he always seemed genuinely capable of empathy while slaughtering innocents all the livelong day. He neither delivered himself from the crypto-corporate Medici who made him nor ever once laid off the deport button, yet in his healthcare and LGBQT approvals he probably freed more slaves than anyone since FDR or Lincoln, the two socialist presidents. Obama always knew what he was doing, whether those acts were faithful or egregious. Trump’s maniacally nonlinear behavior cinches at least one truth about him: that he knows not what he does. His evil is tinnitus-like, and has too many mixed messages to adequately receive. All he hears, understands, and emits is noise.

[Stent]

So we are left with the vape trail of a president who was “good for a neoliberal”, an introspective, Marilynne Robinson-loving father figure, inspo for dreamers trying to turn into dream leaders, kids growing old with blogging histories and classroom allergies who consented to his sway and cadence as proof of love, even if it was denatured or abusive. Nobody ever sold the lie of liberalism better than Obama, bc the way being lied to feels spinily, spinnily good as long as everyone’s a little bit in on it never felt so good.

One of the great belletristic disputes of the 1990s, albeit a passive-aggressive one, was between Andrew Sullivan and Tony Kushner on purposes of politics: shd politics relieve anxiety (Sullivan) or misery and injustice (Kushner)? How you answer outs you as either a liberal or a leftist, but if your arrival at the right answer took eight years then maybe Obama is to blame. Maybe the center-left is an industry of death, of lullaby and stalling and overprescription.

[Stent]

Leo Bersani’s essay “Is the Rectum a Grave” is a model of sacred rage, as opposed to average anger. Published in October 1987 at the peak, or nadir, of the AIDS crisis, it quotes MacKinnon, Dworkin, and Foucault and documents a society “that at once celebrates and punishes pluralism”, one that has “no political need to save or protect any homosexuals at all” and that is given a finishing sadistic edge by the family in Arcadia, Florida who set fire to a house wherein three hemophiliac children were believed to be infected with HIV. Bersani argues that anti-loving and hatred are synchronous, but more often the latter hides its head in the former. He also begins the essay with the funniest lede ever, defiantly unburied: “There is a big secret about sex: most people don’t like it.”

I believe the Trump presidency is already the greatest moral crisis in America since AIDS. No reflection on the Cold War and spies slipping in and out of closets or consciousness would be complete without a contagion—one to which, in Bersani’s words, the only necessary response is rage (not anger). Wraiths of the Weimar working class would not provide a better remonstration for Trumpism than the bags of bones the Reagan administration(s) put out with the trash. Reagan and Trump are compared almost as often as Trump and Hitler, but not often enough—a new eighties is more likely than a new thirties simply because the eighties were the most American decade, and the thirties were conducted in a Europe that blew its own head off rather than look in the mirror ever again. 

Trump tweeting a picture of his handshakes with Ronald and Nancy was way more of a message than his tweeting days later about Nazi Germany—the Trump family, for all their leopard-killing, vacuity-shilling horrors, are decadent directly from the Me Decade. Trump the paterfamilias has lived in the American imagination since at least Marla Maples went in the New York Post in 1990 and said sex with Trump was the best she ever had. Others reference the 1979 Wayne Barrett cover feature for the Voice as prequel to a decade. 

Either way, by the time he gave Kevin McAllister directions to the lobby in his, Trump’s, own hotel in Home Alone 2 (1992) the deal was closed: Trump was the first name that came up when anyone talked about riches. America and its imagination will never get over the 1980s, and if there’s any shrewd or non-shriveled wisdom that can be gained from Trump’s senescent rise it should be that America has still never really gotten over AIDS. Fascism feared by anyone with a pulse, let alone one that’s only intelligible in their left wrist, is better detected in viral terms. It can only by stopped by a contagion mentality, by the kinds of education and mobilization the social agents of AIDS provided and to some extent pioneered. Bersani named, as its essential crisis of care, “the general tendency to think of AIDS as an epidemic of the future rather than a catastrophe of the present”. All you have to do to diagnose whatever age we’re in is find/replace AIDS with Fascism. There is a big secret abt power: everyone likes it.