aft3rhrs

[aft3rhrs]

Baby we got you 💖💖 just take care of yourself honey I love you 🫦

[aft3rhrs]

one of the best fics i've ever read, one that had me addicted to my phone and crying, wasn't even prose. it was a huge, casual, bullet-pointed outline with every detail of an au that the author never got around to writing in full. and it was amazing.

let this be a message to all you who want to write but can't do it "normally": write it! someone out there will eat it up. whether that be poetry, tiny drabbles, or bullet pointed list: your work is always worth it. your art (yes, art!) will alway deserve to have its moment in the spotlight. why? because you made it. even if it wasn't done in a traditional matter, it came from your brain and your creativity and that is amazing.

♡

[aft3rhrs]

Also all my mutuals (I will not name names but especially those I have on WhatsApp, and those in my recent dms) (ok i will name one name, Laurie, because I dont have you on whatsapp but i should and you need to know this includes you dhdhdj) I am so sorry, I come in here and make a general post, I am not ignoring you, I miss you guys so much and I always think of you. I have been stuck in isolation mode for a while now, doesn't matter if it's IRL or here. I'm working on getting out of it. Sometimes I just have enough energy to get through the day, there's a lot going on.

Thank you for still being around, I love you so much. I am working to better myself, that means being more consistent, and I don't wanna start a conversation just to pause it and leave it on read because of my mood swings.

(By the way, everyone. Guys. I forgot to mention something and I have to because it got me fucked up. I have been getting poked and prodded by needles and scanned all my life just to find out I'm not dying. I am having panic attacks. WHAT THE FUCK. I HAD NO IDEA THEY FELT SO HORRIBLE. Bruh 😭😭😭)

Anyway! Yeah, sometimes therapy is a longer journey for some than others. Thank you for still being here, both followers, and especially my mutuals. You're always in my heart. 🩷

[aft3rhrs]

how are you just so talented, I just came across your stories and oh my god are they one of the best fics ever. the smut the plot the writing is twisted in a perfect sense and i love you so much for it!!

😭😭😭 I love YOU thank you so much, it means so much to me 🥹🫂

[aft3rhrs]

your writing style is just ✨️.. like every time i read your fics, i always find something that i didn't notice before. like ho is u shakespeare

if you wanted to motivate me it is absolutely working but I'm stuck here staring at my laptop with plot layouts..... I ONLY HAVE IDEAS FOR BIG PLOTS BUT NO ENERGY FOR THEM, that's been my problem for months 🫠 I thought maybe I should just post these + the stuff that never made the "final cut", but maybe instead of giving up and looking for new ideas I will try to find a way dhdhdhdh

also I love you

[aft3rhrs]

not hobi posting himself dancing to the performance 😭

say drake 👁👁 I hear you like 'em young 😃

[aft3rhrs]

say drake 👁👁 I hear you like 'em young 😃

[aft3rhrs]

Hey guys! 🩷 Thank you so much for your asks and messages 🩷

Honestly I just wanna get something off my chest. Someone asked me if I'm leaving or using a new blog. Both? I made a new blog, but somehow the thought of coming back here still feels so uncomfortable. And I realised it's because I addressed and worked through the 'hate' part and all.

But... there is also an issue I have had with my own readers that I didn't expect to have.

Look, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having your kinks and all. My blog itself is pretty crazy.

But... it's fictional.

It seems not only 'haters' can't separate reality from fiction, but sometimes readers too.

There is a reason I have never called my blog a "kink blog" (again, nothing wrong with that!), but rather stuck to horror.

I have talked about this before but as my interest in darker shows and works grew, I wanted to write a horror story and I realised I had no idea how to, because I have spent all my life writing pg 13 romance and fantasy 😭

I wanted to get out of my comfort zone and challenge myself. So I jumped into deep waters with requests, hoping for inspiration, and for the first time tried writing horror AND smut.

I love storytelling, I love exploring new things in writing, so even though the smut part is so big on my blog, I always give my characters personalities and back stories (at least I try lmao) and dive into their mental state because... I love writing.

And I did always want my blog to be a safe space for everyone... but that's including myself.

And I feel like some people just.... I'm sorry I'm just gonna say it.

What do you mean you want a fic based on the The Burning Sun Scandal. WHAT DO YOU MEAN. 😭 What do you mean you want me to write about your cousin. 😭😭

Am I crazy??? That's a REAL tragedy, guys, and it's so fucking upsetting and disrespectful to the survivors. And no one even stops to think the author might be upset or triggered bc they're a survivor too or bc this is, again, A REAL TRAGEDY????

It's like watching murder on a screen. It doesn't affect you the same way a real life murder with a real victim would! But it might still be too upsetting or violent so warnings exist for that.

"Um you write non con that happens in real life too" absolutely. But I am not getting inspo from REAL CASES involving REAL PEOPLE and real trauma. The people, places, events, are MADE UP, and if any feelings or situations are inspired by experiences, they're MY OWN experiences, and even then my work is far from reality.

I am not glorifying Dahmer and writing smut about him ok?

😭😭😭

And the thing is we talked about this before and I thought I made that super clear on my blog, always.

If it wasn't before, then I guess this is the post I'm gonna have to pin somewhere.

I just... I expected this from the tea blog clowns, who are shocked a writer writes fictional non con but advocates for real victims 😭 Like you write about war and suddenly you're a real life dictator. 😭

It's OK to make mistakes and learn. I'm just so so so tired of dealing with people who don't care to learn and it almost makes me feel bad for writing here. I know I can't be responsible for my readers and I can't control who follows me. But just.

If it wasn't clear before. Even though I have this in my intro post.

I'm sorry if you were looking for something else, there are other blogs for that. I'm just a writer writing fictional stories.

The only Burning Sun Scandal fic I would ever write would be with all the men getting, literally, burned to death. 💀

Anyway. Sorry, I had to get that out, I feel like I have had so much to deal with on this blog and I'm just working through it.

Take care of yourselves 🩷 hope you're all staying warm and eating well.

I will be back around to check in soon, maybe edit a fic? Who knows, maybe getting this out will make me feel better. Love you sm 🩷🫂

[aft3rhrs]

Angle are you alright?

Xxx

hi sweetheart, yes! thank you for thinking of me 🩷🫂

I just couldn't get myself to write anything, but I tried not to be hard on myself, I had a lot to deal with.

still, writing has been a constant part of my life for years (just more private), so it's been bothering me a lot. especially since I'm in treatment and trying to tackle stuff and get better.

so, I tried to figure out what's been blocking me, apart from maybe my mental state.

and I asked myself: if I were to make another blog, or account somewhere else, and be completely anonymous again, no audience... what would I write?

and ideas started pouring in.

that made me realise tumblr just became a really toxic place for me.

but tumblr is just an app. it's the people that make it, and I participated in this toxicity. I accepted everything that was given to me by strangers, thinking I was standing up for myself just because I spoke out – when in reality, I still let their negativity and criticism affect this blog brick by brick until I was suffocating. I let them build my experience instead of doing it on my own.

I guess it's the work I put in that made me realise I had no self confidence, really. I saw no worth in my own writing, so it was OK doing it for fun, but when I gained an audience I let their opinions soak every work.

mutuals and lovely readers tried to give me kind advice and tell me not to forget about myself. I thought that's what I was doing. but in reality, I wasn't writing for myself anymore at all, I kept trying to write what everyone else wants, just in MY own way, and I thought that's the same thing.

I'm sorry for how things turned out, guys. and if you're reading this post and rolling your eyes thinking "omg no one cares" well, then this post isn't for you, all the love tho <3 and whatever else anyone else might be thinking, I don't care about that anymore either. we're all just strangers here, I won't be apologising for how I am or how my life is. if you can afford to spend your whole time and energy on tumblr, that's great, I can't. I also won't be spending all my time and energy to please people I don't even know who in a second turn around and throw a fit, because my fic is late, or too short, or boring, or too similar to another. I wasted so much time and energy already, constantly explaining myself and apologising.

to my mutuals and readers who are sweet, thank you so much for all your support! you helped me grow so much. thank you also to those who were rude, hateful, and horrible because that also helped me grow and realise your personal problems have nothing to do with me. I'm just a person, I can't cater to everyone and that's OK. some people will hate my work and that's OK. I hated some fics too. I had the decency not to harass authors but hey. you do you and I'mma do me.

I made a new blog but so far, I haven't posted anything and when/if I decide to, I will let you guys know. I love you so much 🩷 always 🩷

[aft3rhrs]

Hey sweetheart. How are you? 💗

MISSING YOUUUUU, missing you all lots, so nice to talk to you guys again 😭

how are you my love??

thank you for checking in ilysm

[aft3rhrs]

You totally right for that, it's a MUST taking care of yourself of your mental health and do what you want and what's feel nice yk, whatever you do i'm gonna be here supporting you and your decision! Hope you have a nice day today, hope you treat yourself, drink water and hope you're doing well, each day is a different day we just need to be patient and kind with ourselves and baby steps, thank you for always being sooo sweet, you're soo talented, love your writing and your whole being ❤️

😭😭😭🥹

babyyy thank you so much for sticking with me this long and always being my ray of sunshine, I love you, take care of yourself well too ok? 🫂💖 thank you for all your support, you're amazing and I hope you always know that

[aft3rhrs]

Hi babyyyyy

It's so good to hear from you ❤️

guys get yourselves a wife who will still love you even when you disappear off the earth for six months to do quests and fight monsters

(therapy)

[aft3rhrs]

hello christmas angel 🎄💓

[aft3rhrs]

I am doing well thanks what about you?? I was literally thinking about you today, so glad you're back ❤️

aaahhh idk if I'm back yet, but I missed you all so much <3 just figuring stuff out you know?

there was no point coming back here in the state I was in anyway, all this crap affected me too much, I cared too much for the wrong things. I do wanna hop on the new blog and write something for you guys, I just wanna make sure coming back for good is 100% what I want and what feels right for me, because there is no point in taking a hiatus once every few months.

or maybe writing fics regularly just isn't for me anymore, at this time anyway, hard to tell.

I don't know! but I miss you lots and thank you for still thinking of me and for checking in baby 😭💖 I'm so grateful for you, I love you lots, stay warm <333

[aft3rhrs]

Angle are you alright?

Xxx

hi sweetheart, yes! thank you for thinking of me 🩷🫂

I just couldn't get myself to write anything, but I tried not to be hard on myself, I had a lot to deal with.

still, writing has been a constant part of my life for years (just more private), so it's been bothering me a lot. especially since I'm in treatment and trying to tackle stuff and get better.

so, I tried to figure out what's been blocking me, apart from maybe my mental state.

and I asked myself: if I were to make another blog, or account somewhere else, and be completely anonymous again, no audience... what would I write?

and ideas started pouring in.

that made me realise tumblr just became a really toxic place for me.

but tumblr is just an app. it's the people that make it, and I participated in this toxicity. I accepted everything that was given to me by strangers, thinking I was standing up for myself just because I spoke out – when in reality, I still let their negativity and criticism affect this blog brick by brick until I was suffocating. I let them build my experience instead of doing it on my own.

I guess it's the work I put in that made me realise I had no self confidence, really. I saw no worth in my own writing, so it was OK doing it for fun, but when I gained an audience I let their opinions soak every work.

mutuals and lovely readers tried to give me kind advice and tell me not to forget about myself. I thought that's what I was doing. but in reality, I wasn't writing for myself anymore at all, I kept trying to write what everyone else wants, just in MY own way, and I thought that's the same thing.

I'm sorry for how things turned out, guys. and if you're reading this post and rolling your eyes thinking "omg no one cares" well, then this post isn't for you, all the love tho <3 and whatever else anyone else might be thinking, I don't care about that anymore either. we're all just strangers here, I won't be apologising for how I am or how my life is. if you can afford to spend your whole time and energy on tumblr, that's great, I can't. I also won't be spending all my time and energy to please people I don't even know who in a second turn around and throw a fit, because my fic is late, or too short, or boring, or too similar to another. I wasted so much time and energy already, constantly explaining myself and apologising.

to my mutuals and readers who are sweet, thank you so much for all your support! you helped me grow so much. thank you also to those who were rude, hateful, and horrible because that also helped me grow and realise your personal problems have nothing to do with me. I'm just a person, I can't cater to everyone and that's OK. some people will hate my work and that's OK. I hated some fics too. I had the decency not to harass authors but hey. you do you and I'mma do me.

I made a new blog but so far, I haven't posted anything and when/if I decide to, I will let you guys know. I love you so much 🩷 always 🩷

[aft3rhrs]

i was thinking about you, missed too, hope you're doing well my love ❤️

HI BABY how are you? missed you lots too 🥹🩷🩷🩷🩷

[aft3rhrs]

Hey girl, I hope you’re doing alright! I just wanted to drop in and say hi! ❤️❤️

🪼

HI!!🩷