aft3rhrs

[aft3rhrs]

Angle are you alright?

Xxx

hi sweetheart, yes! thank you for thinking of me 🩷🫂

I just couldn't get myself to write anything, but I tried not to be hard on myself, I had a lot to deal with.

still, writing has been a constant part of my life for years (just more private), so it's been bothering me a lot. especially since I'm in treatment and trying to tackle stuff and get better.

so, I tried to figure out what's been blocking me, apart from maybe my mental state.

and I asked myself: if I were to make another blog, or account somewhere else, and be completely anonymous again, no audience... what would I write?

and ideas started pouring in.

that made me realise tumblr just became a really toxic place for me.

but tumblr is just an app. it's the people that make it, and I participated in this toxicity. I accepted everything that was given to me by strangers, thinking I was standing up for myself just because I spoke out – when in reality, I still let their negativity and criticism affect this blog brick by brick until I was suffocating. I let them build my experience instead of doing it on my own.

I guess it's the work I put in that made me realise I had no self confidence, really. I saw no worth in my own writing, so it was OK doing it for fun, but when I gained an audience I let their opinions soak every work.

mutuals and lovely readers tried to give me kind advice and tell me not to forget about myself. I thought that's what I was doing. but in reality, I wasn't writing for myself anymore at all, I kept trying to write what everyone else wants, just in MY own way, and I thought that's the same thing.

I'm sorry for how things turned out, guys. and if you're reading this post and rolling your eyes thinking "omg no one cares" well, then this post isn't for you, all the love tho <3 and whatever else anyone else might be thinking, I don't care about that anymore either. we're all just strangers here, I won't be apologising for how I am or how my life is. if you can afford to spend your whole time and energy on tumblr, that's great, I can't. I also won't be spending all my time and energy to please people I don't even know who in a second turn around and throw a fit, because my fic is late, or too short, or boring, or too similar to another. I wasted so much time and energy already, constantly explaining myself and apologising.

to my mutuals and readers who are sweet, thank you so much for all your support! you helped me grow so much. thank you also to those who were rude, hateful, and horrible because that also helped me grow and realise your personal problems have nothing to do with me. I'm just a person, I can't cater to everyone and that's OK. some people will hate my work and that's OK. I hated some fics too. I had the decency not to harass authors but hey. you do you and I'mma do me.

I made a new blog but so far, I haven't posted anything and when/if I decide to, I will let you guys know. I love you so much 🩷 always 🩷

[aft3rhrs]

Hey sweetheart. How are you? 💗

MISSING YOUUUUU, missing you all lots, so nice to talk to you guys again 😭

how are you my love??

thank you for checking in ilysm

[aft3rhrs]

You totally right for that, it's a MUST taking care of yourself of your mental health and do what you want and what's feel nice yk, whatever you do i'm gonna be here supporting you and your decision! Hope you have a nice day today, hope you treat yourself, drink water and hope you're doing well, each day is a different day we just need to be patient and kind with ourselves and baby steps, thank you for always being sooo sweet, you're soo talented, love your writing and your whole being ❤️

😭😭😭🥹

babyyy thank you so much for sticking with me this long and always being my ray of sunshine, I love you, take care of yourself well too ok? 🫂💖 thank you for all your support, you're amazing and I hope you always know that

[aft3rhrs]

Hi babyyyyy

It's so good to hear from you ❤️

guys get yourselves a wife who will still love you even when you disappear off the earth for six months to do quests and fight monsters

(therapy)

[aft3rhrs]

hello christmas angel 🎄💓

[aft3rhrs]

I am doing well thanks what about you?? I was literally thinking about you today, so glad you're back ❤️

aaahhh idk if I'm back yet, but I missed you all so much <3 just figuring stuff out you know?

there was no point coming back here in the state I was in anyway, all this crap affected me too much, I cared too much for the wrong things. I do wanna hop on the new blog and write something for you guys, I just wanna make sure coming back for good is 100% what I want and what feels right for me, because there is no point in taking a hiatus once every few months.

or maybe writing fics regularly just isn't for me anymore, at this time anyway, hard to tell.

I don't know! but I miss you lots and thank you for still thinking of me and for checking in baby 😭💖 I'm so grateful for you, I love you lots, stay warm <333

[aft3rhrs]

Angle are you alright?

Xxx

hi sweetheart, yes! thank you for thinking of me 🩷🫂

I just couldn't get myself to write anything, but I tried not to be hard on myself, I had a lot to deal with.

still, writing has been a constant part of my life for years (just more private), so it's been bothering me a lot. especially since I'm in treatment and trying to tackle stuff and get better.

so, I tried to figure out what's been blocking me, apart from maybe my mental state.

and I asked myself: if I were to make another blog, or account somewhere else, and be completely anonymous again, no audience... what would I write?

and ideas started pouring in.

that made me realise tumblr just became a really toxic place for me.

but tumblr is just an app. it's the people that make it, and I participated in this toxicity. I accepted everything that was given to me by strangers, thinking I was standing up for myself just because I spoke out – when in reality, I still let their negativity and criticism affect this blog brick by brick until I was suffocating. I let them build my experience instead of doing it on my own.

I guess it's the work I put in that made me realise I had no self confidence, really. I saw no worth in my own writing, so it was OK doing it for fun, but when I gained an audience I let their opinions soak every work.

mutuals and lovely readers tried to give me kind advice and tell me not to forget about myself. I thought that's what I was doing. but in reality, I wasn't writing for myself anymore at all, I kept trying to write what everyone else wants, just in MY own way, and I thought that's the same thing.

I'm sorry for how things turned out, guys. and if you're reading this post and rolling your eyes thinking "omg no one cares" well, then this post isn't for you, all the love tho <3 and whatever else anyone else might be thinking, I don't care about that anymore either. we're all just strangers here, I won't be apologising for how I am or how my life is. if you can afford to spend your whole time and energy on tumblr, that's great, I can't. I also won't be spending all my time and energy to please people I don't even know who in a second turn around and throw a fit, because my fic is late, or too short, or boring, or too similar to another. I wasted so much time and energy already, constantly explaining myself and apologising.

to my mutuals and readers who are sweet, thank you so much for all your support! you helped me grow so much. thank you also to those who were rude, hateful, and horrible because that also helped me grow and realise your personal problems have nothing to do with me. I'm just a person, I can't cater to everyone and that's OK. some people will hate my work and that's OK. I hated some fics too. I had the decency not to harass authors but hey. you do you and I'mma do me.

I made a new blog but so far, I haven't posted anything and when/if I decide to, I will let you guys know. I love you so much 🩷 always 🩷

[aft3rhrs]

i was thinking about you, missed too, hope you're doing well my love ❤️

HI BABY how are you? missed you lots too 🥹🩷🩷🩷🩷

[aft3rhrs]

Hey girl, I hope you’re doing alright! I just wanted to drop in and say hi! ❤️❤️

🪼

HI!!🩷

[aft3rhrs]

I miss you! I re-read black swan and do you need a friend all the time. I’m so in love with your writing, you’re absolutely amazing! Hope life is treating you well wherever you are! ♥️

I miss you all too, thank you so much, I appreciate you lots and I hope you're doing amazing 🥹🫂💖

[aft3rhrs]

Omg @aft3rhrs where were you baby girl 🥺 love you too 💖

She’s like a Christmas gift. OK she emerged back on Christmas. It’s a good Christmas.

[aft3rhrs]

Welp, things seem all right so far. I'm gonna start getting through my asks and dms.

Please bear with me, I will probably need some time to answer them all, but each one of you is so appreciated, anons, followers and mutuals, thank you so much for checking in and for your support and patience, I love you endlessly. 💖

[aft3rhrs]

Hi baby I love you and I miss you ❤️

wife

I LOVE YOU MORE and miss you so much <3333

[aft3rhrs]

You okay darling?

hi baby 💖!

yes, thank you 🥹 dw about it, just don't wanna have a mess on the blog again. ilysm 💕

[aft3rhrs]

Didn't disappear again! Not ignoring anyone 💖 Just having fun with staff because a crazy clown came back into my inbox and I need them removed from my premises

[aft3rhrs]

Guys I'm so brave bc I'm gonna have to post the next fic for you as if my childhood friend didn't download tumblr just to follow and read my blog

[aft3rhrs]

heyyy ari 🩷🩷🙈🙈🙈 happy birthday!!

HI ANGEL! 🩷🩷🩷🩷 thank you so much 😭🫂 I love you 🫂❤️❤️ I hope you're doing great baby 🥹🫂