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threeletterslife · 2 years ago

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32 | Legends of Darlaria

⨰ summary: You wake up in yet another unfamiliar place. This time, however, these strangers seem to recognize you. With your previous judgments and aspirations thrown out the window, you're now forced to face where your loyalties really lie. Who will you betray? And which General will you choose to stand by his side?

⨰ pairing/rating: yoongi x reader & jungkook x reader | PG-15

⨰ genre: 70% angst, 30% fluff | war!au & magic!au

⨰ warnings: profanity, violence

⨰ wordcount: 8.4k

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⧖⧗Many, Many Circas Ago⧗⧖

Dear Instructor Shin,

After much deliberation, I have made my choice. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to tell you this in person. I had to leave quickly; they only gave me a week’s notice, so attached to the back of this paper is also my resignation letter as your teaching assistant. I enjoyed every moment of working with you, Instructor Shin, and I’m sorry that I didn’t choose to stay. I will forever remember your kindness and words of wisdom, and I do hope that someday I will visit—if you will have me.

Thank you for supporting me at Botswana Agate; you taught me that my skills are enough and my judgment can be sound. I really do think I’m in the right place.

I promise the next time I see you, I will have made a change. Please take care. I will miss you.

Sincerely,

Y/N

It had been a week since you sent your letter to Instructor Shin—hopefully, she received it. By now, you would have expected some sort of reply, but perhaps she was busy. She must be scrambling to find a replacement teaching assistant or working to obliterate the position altogether. Or she could also be purposefully ignoring you.

You couldn’t remember what you exactly wrote to her, but you began picking everything apart in your head anyway. Was your letter too short? Should you have apologized more? Apologized less? Should you have given her your letter of resignation in person? Was it rude of you to leave her behind, just like that? Should you have discussed it with her if you had any other option? But then again, did you really have a better choice? These questions and concerns circled your head for days; they tormented you, caused you to lose sleep, too. But if there was one thing about being a soldier-in-training, a cadet in the Darlaean Army, it was that there was barely time to overthink.

The training was indeed rigorous. Wake-up was at 5 a.m., and you exercised until 8 a.m., which was when breakfast was served. But breakfast had also been served at 8 a.m. in Botswana, so that much wasn’t a huge shift in schedule from your scholarly life. From 9 to 12 was what was called combat, which was essentially learning how to attack a wooden dummy. You struggled with this portion of the day the most; serving punches and kicks to an object that never wronged you in the slightest felt odd and unintuitive. Yet you did your best to keep up—in the end, the dummy was inanimate, and attacking it soon fit into your routine. At 12, they served lunch. Then, from 1 to 5 p.m., were showcases. If you weren’t performing, you were to watch, but it was never tedious in the slightest—you were able to gather a considerable amount of knowledge just from observing your comrades. You went through about 5 to 6 showcases per day yourself, rotating stations to perform your best skills to new sets of army officials. At first, it was nerve-wracking, and in truth, it still was. The officials sat with their tiny notepads, writing down every detail of your showcase; no one really knew what these notes were for, but if they were writing them, it seemed important enough to take every showcase seriously. 5 was dinner, which was always delicious—possibly because by then, you were always starving. Then from 6 to 9 p.m. was alchemy training, which was your favorite part of the day, and the portion of your training you looked forward to since you woke up in the mornings. After 9 was leisure time, but most recruits spent that time winding down in their barracks, for home for most of them was too far away to commute to the training grounds every day, especially not after their rigorous schedule.

It turned out that you’d severely underestimated the amount of physical exertion that training for the Darlaean army would take, but it didn’t take too long to get used to. Though on the first day, you collapsed while running your fifteenth lap around the gargantuan green field and had to be taken to the infirmary. It was humiliating (but you were also glad to have missed the entirety of combat training, for it was obvious you would’ve made a fool of yourself then too). You thought you would become the laughingstock of your training cohort—there were around twenty others—but word had traveled fast of your showcase back in Botswana—and now you had admirers, which was a foreign concept to you.

In Botswana, you were competition. Here, the other cadets practically lined up to aid you when you fell behind on your laps or struggled with your combat skills. “Here, Y/N, try rotating your shoulder a bit when you land that punch!” “Try to keep your back straight when you run! Don’t arch it; we don’t want you getting hurt!” “You might want to pin your trinket to your uniform. It’s going to fall out of your hair while you’re training!” Through others’ kindness, you were able to glean the proper techniques to become significantly stronger than before. You also began to repay their compassion by mentoring them in alchemy after all training hours were over.

You were the only Botswana student from your cohort, which meant most likely, you were the only cadet out of all of them to have gotten proper alchemy training. And as far as you were concerned, no other recruit was being paid to be there. While the others were struggling with color-shifting, you were attempting to master masking. The difference in skill was especially apparent during showcases, so you tried your best not to show off too much in case your comrades would change their minds and deem you a competition. But it wasn’t ingrained in the culture to work against each other in the Darlaean army. Not like it had been in the scholar world.

Sometimes in the place of showcases, there would be lectures and seminars, where you would catch a glimpse of Lieutenant General Son giving one of his charismatic speeches. You (and the rest of your comrades) saluted him whenever he entered the vicinity as you promised you would, but he never made any indication of recognizing you. After a while, you assumed he’d forgotten about you—he most likely dealt with thousands of soldiers every day, so how would he remember someone like you?

On the second week of the program, on one of the off days, the cohort was allowed a field trip to one of the infirmary wings for soldiers. The sight inside was gruesome. You had to hold back your vomit most of the time, unable to look too long at the mangled bodies and wailing soldiers. And the stench, the damn stench was so putrid that it took all of your self-control to refrain from gagging.

“Are they trying to scare us to work harder?” you asked the girl next to you, Hajin, after the visit concluded. She was taller than you, with a round face and full cheeks, her usual big eyes narrowed from what she had just witnessed. The ruby earring—her trinket—on her helix glinted as she tucked her wavy, shoulder-length hair behind her ears. Hajin was quite the popular recruit; from the moment the program began, others crowded around her for a chance to talk or at least be in her presence. She was kind and bubbly, so her popularity seemed well-justified. But despite the many others that begged to keep her company, Hajin liked to follow you around. She was always there, ready to help you with your combat skills, ready to sit next to you in the dining hall, ready to run alongside you during morning warm-up laps. She was also one of your most loyal students when it came to your casual, after-hours alchemy tutoring sessions.

When you looked over at Hajin, who usually had a wide grin on her face, she was seething. “It’s the Solarians,” she said through gritted teeth. She whirled around at you, her arms outstretched as she practically shouted, “They’re murderers! The whole lot of them! Did you see the damage they’ve done in the infirmary?” She reached forward and suddenly grasped your hands. “We’ve got to punish them, Y/N! We’ve got to get our vengeance!”

So perhaps the infirmary trip had to do with anti-Solarian propaganda, which you had completely missed as you had conditioned to be indifferent about them in the 11th city. You still didn’t exactly hate the Solarians, though now you were aware of what they were capable of doing. For a split second, you wondered if the Darlaeans were also capable of this kind of damage, and whether the average Solarian despised Darlaeans. It felt strange to wonder if you were despised by people who you did not know.

You didn’t really know how to react to Hajin’s outburst, but disagreeing didn’t seem like the right move, so you just nodded. Hajin didn’t seem to mind the lack of your reaction. Instead, she plopped down underneath a large tree and beckoned you to sit right next to her.

She let out a loud sigh as she leaned back on the tree trunk and stared up at the green foliage, which had created a nice shade from the sweltering summer sun. “We’ll defeat those helluvians one day,” she said, resolutely. Then, she sat right up, turning to you. “We can’t keep letting them get away with killing our people, Y/N! Not after what happened to my poor mother! Oh, I miss her, Y/N. Isn’t it sad? She died on the battlefield when I was only four. I can’t remember much, but she had my trinket made for me. See?” Hajin pointed to the ruby earring on her helix.

It suddenly made sense why she so despised the Solarians. Of course she would; they killed her mother! While you had lived a relatively sheltered life from the war, Hajin was most definitely not from the 11th city and therefore lived through the terrors of losing a family member to violence. “I’m sorry,” you said. You couldn’t imagine losing one of your mothers to the war. It was terrifying to even think of. If you had, maybe you’d hate the Solarians as much as everybody else seemed to. “Your trinket is very pretty,” you complimented. Instinctively, you touched your own trinket, which was a sparkly silver today, pinned flat to the chest of your uniform, where you planned to keep it for safekeeping.

“Thanks!” Hajin smiled. “I carry it around everywhere. Kinda have to as a soldier. I mean, a cadet. But I swear on Guseul’s heart, Y/N, I’ll avenge my mother’s death one day. As soon as I’m allowed on that battlefield, I’ll avenge every Darlaean’s—!” She was interrupted by her own stomach, which growled loudly as if she hadn’t eaten today at all.

You stared at her, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape, unsure how to react.

Hajin stared back, and the two of you stared and stared until Hajin began laughing. There was something pretty funny about the situation, and soon, you were laughing right along with her. After a few seconds of uninterrupted laughter, Hajin reached over and grasped your hands again, and in between laughs, she managed to say, “Let’s—” wheeze “—go!”

“Wh—” wheeze “—ere?” you asked, holding onto your stomach.

“Home!” Hajin snorted. “To—” wheeze “—get—” wheeze “—a—” snort “—snack!”

You were ready to make the trek to the 8th city and farther out, since most of your comrades in your cohort lived there, but to your utmost surprise, Hajin led you away from the training grounds, which essentially was the castle’s backyard, and into the castle itself.

“You live here?” you asked, eyes wide.

She grinned, skipping down the grand corridor with its towering ceilings and violet mosaic glass windows. “Home sweet home! What do you want to eat? I can ring up my lady-in-waiting! Cakes? Tarts? Deviled eggs?”

You, instead, froze in your spot and stared up at the crown princess herself. What were you to do in the presence of royalty? This surely wasn’t something that Botswana Agate taught you. Were you to salute them? But that seemed reserved for army officials. Unless the royal family was so heavily intertwined with the army that to honor them, you used the same salute! So you immediately straightened your posture, pressing two fingers up to your forehead, where your diamond had been when you were born, and shouted, “Your Highness!” for good measure.

Hajin began bursting out laughing. “Don’t ‘Your Highness’ me, Y/N!” she cried, slapping her knee. “Don’t salute me! I’m just Hajin!”

You slowly lowered your arm, feeling a little embarrassed that you’d blown up at the fact that Hajin had revealed she was Darlae’s only heir to the throne. Had your other comrades known she was the princess? Was that why she was always at the center of any crowd? Did she choose you because you didn’t know? “I-I’m sorry,” you said, unsure what to do with yourself now.

Hajin just giggled. “Don’t be! Come on, let’s go get some deviled eggs. Oh, I love deviled eggs. Did you know my lady-in-waiting makes them just for me? She sprinkles extra paprika on top because she knows I love the flavor. She’s the best!” She gasped. “Come on! You should meet her! I’ll introduce the two of you! This is going to be so fun!”

From that point onwards, friendship was simply inevitable. Hajin stuck to your side like glue, though you weren’t sure what about you was so interesting to her. You trained together, learned together, grew together. She was ever so supportive of your showcases, always cheering you on in the background. You tried to do the same for her, but Hajin solely practiced light magic, and your cheering would sometimes create fluctuations in her emotions, which wouldn’t reflect too nicely on her performance. Still, around Hajin, it felt as if you’d known her for years. Something simply clicked. You’ve only ever been in friendships before where you were the one who learned everything from the other; it was nice to have a change. With Hajin, things were different: you would teach her alchemy and she would teach you about the world outside of scholars.

Several circas into your training, as most of your cohort gained ample experience in combat and alchemy, some officials deemed it necessary to begin scoring your showcases. Now it began to make more sense why there were notes taken of your performances. You continued to receive near-perfect scores—never perfect scores though, which gave you enough motivation to want to improve.

A few circas later, your rather small cohort of 20 adolescents merged with a few other cohorts, creating a larger squadron. The program was becoming more serious—even more intense than before. They extended the training hours for alchemy, and now there were rumors of being cut—if you didn’t voluntarily drop out before. Recruits were doing that now—dropping out—as they realized that they were unable to keep up with the standards of alchemy the army seemed to be upholding. They also began ranking the recruits on a wooden board that they placed at the very entrance of the vast training grounds. It was supposedly a reminder of where you stood in the squadron, and though it was never explicitly stated, if you were near the bottom, it was probably best for you to drop out.

In your squadron, there were recruits from cohorts who had started training several circas before your cohort had. But there were also recruits from cohorts who started training a circa or two after your cohort; they were deemed ready by officials to merge into a larger, less proctored group and were generally highly skilled in alchemy, though none of them had the academic discipline of a Botswana student.

With the introduction of rankings, recruits began keeping to themselves. It reminded you a lot of Botswana and the rankings that the instructors used to tack onto the white marble board every week. Perhaps ranking people made them compete against each other. Still, you did your best to help; you and Hajin never stopped your nightly alchemy tutoring sessions.

You remembered the first time you checked the wooden ranking board, only to be in shock that your name was at the very top, next to that shining silver number 1. Kwang Y/N, it said right there. You couldn’t believe your eyes. Hajin couldn’t either. It was like she was boasting for you, telling her friends—who were also your friends—and her lady-in-waiting and even her father, who was the damn king of Darlae: “My best friend ranks first in our training program! Out of 100!”

The first time you met the king, you were shaking in your shoes. You didn’t know what to expect. He was, in fact, the ruler of the nation you were expected to protect in the future, and you were only a 14-year-old girl who had somehow befriended his kind, generous daughter—his only child. But the king—he insisted you called him Hoseok, not King Jung, and definitely not Your Majesty—welcomed you with open arms. He made a joke about his daughter’s alchemy skills improving more in the span of several circas than they ever had before, and he owed that to you.

Hoseok seemed to somehow know about your parents being preoccupied with their work (even more so now that they were royal divinists) and often invited you to stay over at the castle and have dinner with the royal family, which only consisted of him and Hajin. Hajin’s room soon became like your own. Everything inside her chambers looked like it had been dropped into a vast vat of violet dye; she loved Darlae, and she made sure that she represented her nation well. Next to the wide windows that faced the training grounds, was her large bed, which was adorned with plush lilac-hued pillows and a smooth, duck feather comforter. There was a grand fireplace next to a large bookshelf filled with books, but Hajin said she never touched either of them. Instead, when the two of you were in her room, you spent most of your time staring out the windows, enjoying people-watching and the warm sunlight that would stream in during the summer afternoons. From high up in the castle, you could see the fruitful orchard that surrounded the training grounds; during the summer, the trees were always heavy with ripe fruit, and the cadets would often snack on their hand-picked harvests throughout the day. You always spotted a couple of apricot pickers when you stared out the window, and you constantly wondered whether others from the castle watched you when you were picking the fruit off the trees.

Sometimes, Hoseok would knock on Hajin’s door and call the two of you to dinner. Then, the three of you would stroll down the decorated hallways and into the lush dining hall, where a piping hot meal would be waiting. Conversations during mealtime were usually about training, which Hajin had no problem talking about because she loved every bit of it. You were a little more reserved, always terrified you would say the wrong thing in front of the King of Darlae. But Hoseok was kind and you rarely saw him as the scary, serious king that you assumed he would be.

But there was also one time when you and Hajin caught Hoseok sitting on his bejeweled throne, talking to Lieutenant General Son. It was interesting since you thought the king of the nation would be in heavy correspondence with the General and not his right-hand man. You couldn’t see the Lieutenant General’s face—only his back—but from Hoseok’s expression, you could tell the conversation was grave. You never saw Hoseok look so solemn before; he was rubbing his chin with his hand, barely even blinking as he spoke with the man in front of him. You and Hajin watched behind a cracked open door, attempting to eavesdrop. It was the quietest you’ve ever seen Hajin be, but neither of you gleaned anything from the short espionage session.

“What could they have been talking about?” you asked.

“I dunno,” Hajin said, shrugging. She fell back on her bed, immediately being swallowed up by the purple covers. “But it’s usually Dad with General Hwang. I wonder why it was only the Lieutenant General today. Doesn’t he terrify you, that Lieutenant General Son? Even his stare gives me goosebumps! I’ve never even talked to him, but I sort of don’t want to.” She shuddered, then jumped up to look at you with wide eyes. “Oh, but I would have to talk to him eventually! When we graduate from our training program and become real soldiers, we’ll have to follow his orders! Or, at least, his orders that he gets from General Hwang.”

But the mystery behind the Lieutenant General and Hoseok’s conversation was short-lived. A few days later, it was announced that the General of the Darlaean Army was deceased—killed during battle. The body had been unretrievable, completely burned to ash. There was a three-day mourning ceremony, and soon after, Lieutenant General Son became the new General of the Darlaean Army. He never appointed anyone to be his Lieutenant General.

“Who knows how long it’s been since former General Hwang actually died?!” Hajin said, but she didn’t sound mad at all. Or sad for that matter. But you didn’t feel too mournful either, which felt incredibly wrong, but you didn’t know anything about the former General, nor did you know what he looked like.

“Do they usually hide away deaths like this?” you asked.

“Only the important ones,” Hajin said. “I think they do it so they have a plan before people begin to panic. See, Dad talked to General Son so they could be on the same page about his promotion. And also so General Son could practice the eulogy he gave during the funeral. I saw some people cry! Makes sense, though. Former General Hwang was a pretty good General, I hear. It’s a pity he’s gone…”

“It’s really sad,” you said, though you didn’t necessarily feel that way, which made you feel guilty all over again. “Do you think they also talked about the fact that General Son wouldn’t be appointing a Lieutenant?”

“Possibly.” Hajin shrugged. “Dad’s always talking about how General Son could single-handedly save our nation. I guess he’s just so good that he doesn’t need a second-in-command.”

“He does have this very… commandeering aura,” you admitted.

Hajin nodded. “Very.” Then, she grabbed your hands in hers, her lips stretched into a wide grin. “Wanna go eat some deviled eggs?”

You shook your head. “Hoseok said we need to stop snacking before dinner. Remember last time you couldn’t eat a single thing because you were too full from the eggs?” You laughed. “I don’t want to disappoint any of your royal chefs.”

“I can’t believe you’re listening to my dad!”

You smiled. “Well, he is the king.”

Hajin rolled her eyes. “King sming. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about!”

But Hajin always listened to you, in the end. You were more than a year older after all, and from all the tutoring you gave her in alchemy, she came to respect you as a sisterly mentor. This was something that Hoseok caught onto very quickly.

“I can’t thank you enough, Y/N. For being friends with my daughter,” Hoseok said. He stood from his throne, descending his steps until he was at level ground with you. “And I thank you again for meeting with me at such a late notice.”

“O-Oh, it’s nothing,” you said, fiddling with the trinket on your uniform. The Darlaean King long ago forbade you to salute in his presence, just as his daughter had, but it felt strange to be so casual around a man who donned a heavy silver crown on his head, adorned with his birthstone, an amethyst. “Hajin’s a great friend. I’m really lucky to have her.”

Hoseok smiled, rubbing his chin with his hand. “I’m glad you seem to be doing well. We don’t get many recruits from Botswana Agate, but when we do, they’re very promising. General Son has told me a lot about you—” he said “—from your first showcase to your performance in the training program for adolescents. I’ve gotten reports that you’ve been mentoring my daughter in alchemy?”

“Y-Yes,” you admitted. “Every night after alchemy practice.”

“She’s gotten better,” Hoseok said. “I’ve said this before, but Y/N, I’ll say it again: she’s gotten much, much better in the last few circas than she ever has in the several years she’s learned alchemy. To my daughter, alchemy isn’t very natural; she was born in Circa Ruby, so she was always an innate healer, just as I am an innate divinist. And she’s always had a penchant for light magic, which is much harder to learn and teach.” He blinked, then made eye contact with you, his brown eyes softening when he saw your nervous expression. “I’m rendered impressed, Y/N. It is thanks to you that she is ranked fourth amongst the other cadets. I reckon that you practice dark magic? There is stability in your hexes, and I must say that even General Son has come to me rather astonished.” He smiled again. “I know. It’s hard to believe a man like General Son can have more than one emotion, isn’t it?”

You didn’t know whether he really expected you to reply, so you laughed nervously.

Hoseok nodded understandingly. “I’m sure you’re confused as to why I called you over here without your best friend. I only wanted a simple heart-to-heart. Hajin is very adventurous as you may know, so I trust you to continue to keep her grounded as you’ve been doing. She’s always wanted an older sister, and you’re exactly what she needs.”

You smiled. Hajin’s adventure-prone personality was why you liked her so much. There was never a dull day when Hajin was around; in a way, she taught you how to have fun. She knew exactly what to climb on the castle grounds to witness the most beautiful sunsets. She knew secret shortcuts to get through each city’s gates as rapidly as possible to, in her words, “maximize exploring potential.” She knew the best prices for anything you could think of in the 8th city’s mini-markets and even the far away 3rd city’s bustling marketplace. During off days, she took you everywhere around the nation—you were very adamant about avoiding a certain tea shop in the 8th city—and neither of you ever grew tired. Perhaps it was due to the rigorous stamina training—or because both of you were so young.

Yet, there were also times when Hajin liked to have a little too much fun. You often had to stop her from going on spontaneous night shopping sprees in the 8th city because she surely wouldn’t make it back home in time to get an adequate amount of sleep before training the next day. Much less frequently, you had to foil her plans to visit the Blackwoods, which was a rather mysterious and dangerous forest in Darlae’s very own backyard. There were rumors of well-intentioned Darlaeans disappearing there, and you didn’t want to put the king’s only child in jeopardy. Once, you even had to suggest that she reconsidered inviting all ninety-something cadets for a deviled egg feast that would leave her poor lady-in-waiting only one hour to prepare enough food.

Hajin was spunky and adventuresome. She often spoke and acted before thinking, but it was said that these types of people on the battlefield were the most successful; who needs second thoughts when the enemy is a few milliseconds away from hurting you? You, on the other hand, had the bad habit of overthinking, which Hajin liked to tease you about all the time. It was a nice balance the two of you had when you were together—the push and pull of spontaneity and vigilance. It had only been a few circas since you’d met Hajin, but it felt as if you’d known her for years—as if she really was your younger sister! You told Hoseok so.

He smiled warmly at your words, reaching out to place a hand on your shoulder. “Then you can consider yourself as part of our family, my dear.”

Almost a little too quickly, a year flew by. You had yet to receive a letter back from Instructor Shin, so you assumed she didn’t approve of your choice and chose to ignore you. Which was fine. Sort of. It was difficult to think that she would cut off contact because of your decision to join the army—after everything she told you—but it also wasn’t too surprising. You tried to swallow the disappointment and move on with your life.

Then there were your parents. They were doing so well that they possibly forgot that they had a child. Their lives as newly appointed divinist scholars must be exciting; they were so busy that you rarely saw them. But you spent most of your time doing what you liked on the castle grounds, anyway. So strangely, it didn’t hurt as much as you thought it would when they simply became nonexistent in your life. Maybe you and your parents were never meant to be close. Besides, heroes moved on. After one successful save, they went looking for the next thing to fix. So that’s what you decided to do.

On your 15th birthday, Hoseok and Hajin threw you an extravagant birthday dinner—something you’ve never had in your life, for you’ve never celebrated a birthday before. After the meal, Hajin took you back to her room, where she pulled out a small, pearlescent white box with a purple velvet ribbon decorating it.

“Open it!” she said, excitedly. “Open it, open it!”

The two of you sat on her bed, the starlight streaming into the bedroom as you opened the gift. You gasped, hands flying to cover your mouth.

There, right in front of you, was your birthstone, your diamond, a beautiful pendant to a dainty necklace. You hadn’t suspected a thing when Hoseok had offered to polish and clean your and Hajin’s birthstones earlier in the day! Your quivering hands reached out to pick up the necklace.

“Hajin…” you whispered, turning to your best friend. There were nearly tears in your eyes. “It’s so pretty…”

“Aw, don’t cry!” Hajin said, leaning forward to envelop you in a hug. “Everyone in my family has accessory trinkets! My father’s is his crown. My mother’s was a bracelet. Mine’s an earring. And now yours is a necklace. Isn’t it beautiful? Dad thought a ring would be a better fit, but I argued against it. You like to fidget with your trinket, so I thought you’d lose it if it were a ring.” She giggled. “Your quill trinket was getting a little battered, and there were just times during training when I thought it would completely fly off! A necklace is much, much safer. You won’t have to worry about the Solarians burning it off during battle. Plus, every talented cadet needs a special trinket.” She patted your back and pulled away. “Come on, let’s see you with it on! Oh, it’s going to look so gorgeous on you!”

Hajin had you turn around so she could clasp the necklace around your neck. Then, she ordered you to stand in front of the mirror to see how it looked. You stared at yourself in the mirror, your eyes wide as you touched your precious diamond that sat between your collar bones. It looked like the kind of trinket that the protagonists in your books would have.

“Here,” Hajin said as she handed you an open box with your old quill pen, where bits of the plume had been burned off, due to an unfortunate training accident on another cadet’s part. “For safekeeping. And I was right. The necklace does look gorgeous on you. In fact, gorgeous wouldn’t even begin to explain how good it looks, Y/N. It looks magnificent. No, wondrous. Oh, I know! Resplendent!!”

You laughed, setting the box with the quill off to the side and hugging your best friend. You held onto that old quill afterward, for it was still of sentimental value—it reminded you of the days you spent in Botswana Agate and of course, of your parents. Still, it collected dust, and you only occasionally opened it on arbitrary days to see if it was still doing well; your new trinket became your most prized possession. “Thank you!” you said. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

You spent the next several circas brainstorming the perfect gift to give to Hajin, to somehow repay the favor. But how could you find something that she, the Darlaean princess, didn’t already have? You decided to opt for something hand-made.

Hajin was always complaining about her gowns; she wanted something that would allow her to run and climb trees and do cartwheels. So, using the fashion alchemy you learned at Botswana, you shifted her the perfect purple pantaloons with ruby-hued stitchings—to match her trinket. And with the remaining fabric, you made yourself a matching gown. Hajin was more than ecstatic when she opened your gift, declaring that you were sisters for life.

You went on many more adventures outside of the 12th city with your matching outfits. Your favorite city quickly became the 5th. It was where they made all the beautiful and intricate fabrics that merchants and vendors sold in the grand 3rd city markets and the much smaller mini-markets of the 8th city. You could spend hours, perusing the selection of cloths, textiles, and fabrics until Hajin begged you to move on. When that happened, you would often drag her to the 4th city, which happened to be your second favorite. The 4th city was home to Darlae’s plantation and livestock. You especially loved to pet the cattle that roamed around the grass terrains and tried not to think too hard about their fates (which either involved being slaughtered or tested on by alchemists).

One of Hajin’s favorite cities was, of course, the 6th, which was entirely the royal family’s land—a mere extension of their castle in the 12th. There lay their abandoned summer home, where they had land that stretched on and on and what must be hundreds of rooms in the castle. They used to use it more often when more of the family was alive. Hajin loved to run through the castle, exploring all of the different chambers and attempting to find any secret passageways (there were too many to count). But ironically enough, for such an avid explorer, Hajin loved the 12th city the most, where she was born and raised. There was the man-made Sapphire Lake that she enjoyed swimming in, the lovely orchards she explored when she grew hungry, and the enormous training grounds where she trained in hopes of avenging her mother’s death.

On some off days, you grew tired of all the exploring, though Hajin never really understood that. Still, she was happy to stay in her chambers all day if it could be with you. The two of you would usually people-watch or dine on some deviled eggs—not too many though, so you wouldn’t ruin your appetites. But there was one particular day when you decided to poke around Hajin’s bookshelf to see what books she never had the joy of reading. Hajin liked to tease you for being such a bookworm, but you never really minded; she was missing out, anyway. She blamed her aunt for installing so many bookcases in the room, for before Hajin, this room belonged to her—before she mysteriously disappeared one day. Apparently, Hajin’s aunt went a little mad from the war, and no one could blame her. They never really found the body. In part, Hajin only kept the bookshelves in her room to honor her aunt, though you think the king only agreed to this because he wanted his daughter to begin reading books, which simply never happened.

But stories like the ones you read stuck with you, and you had read just about every single fairytale out there, exhausting every library. So when you saw a beautiful, red leather-bound book with a title that you did not recognize, sitting there on Hajin’s bookshelf, you simply had to explore it. Hwayoung’s Tale, it read on the spine. There was a small golden imprint of a flame as well. It seemed to entrance you. Immediately, you reached out to take it from the shelf. Except the book was stuck. You frowned. No matter how hard you pulled on the spine, it wouldn’t budge from its slot on the bookshelf.

Frustrated, you gave the book a hearty yank. But instead of flying out off the shelf, there was a small click! and a loud creeeaaak! that followed. The book stayed on the shelf.

You heard Hajin gasp from behind you. “Look!” she shrieked. “Look!!” Your head jerked sideways, and immediately you saw that the floor of the unused fireplace had opened up, leading to a dark hole. “A secret passageway!” she yelled, jumping up from her bed and nearly flying over. She grasped your hands, squealing, “We have to explore it! How could this have been in my room all these years? How are we only finding this now?” She laughed. “Maybe I should’ve taken up reading earlier. Oh, Y/N, we’ve got to go in there! It’ll be like the secret passageways in my summer home! Oh, what an adventure! I wonder what we’ll find. Today’s looking out to be adventurous after all. Come on!”

“W-Wait!” you said, trying to resist her beginning to tug you towards the dark hole. “Don’t you think it’ll be dangerous?”

Hajin paused momentarily. Then, she shrugged. “If it was dangerous, it wouldn’t be in my room.”

That was fair, but then again… “W-What if this is how your aunt disappeared?”

Hajin pumped her arm heroically in the air. “Then we can finally solve that mystery!” Before you could stop her, she took hold of the old ladder leading into the dark hole and began climbing down. “I can always go by myself!” she called, her voice echoing as she disappeared out of your view.

You began pacing nervously across the room, sweat beginning to accumulate on your brow. What to do, what to do? You and Hajin had training early tomorrow, and there was no telling what would be down that hatch. What if you disappeared before ever being able to accomplish anything? What if everything you’ve ever lived for went down the drain due to some stupid, spontaneous decision? The thought scared you. But there was also another overwhelming emotion: worry. You couldn’t possibly allow the king’s only child to disappear into oblivion. She was his only family member, and if he found out that you were the one who let her gallop into danger, you wouldn’t know how you would live with yourself.

So, after nervously tugging on your necklace for a few seconds, you picked out a random book from the bookshelf—that thankfully didn’t trigger any more secret openings—and masked it into a bright oil lamp. “I’m coming, Hajin!” you yelled after your best friend and soon followed her into the darkness.

But it turned out what was at the end of that secret passageway wasn’t so dangerous after all. You and Hajin faced an elaborate underground tunnel system that stretched on for so long that even after spending years in it, you never quite finished tracking all of the paths. These underground passageways took you all around the nation—from the sewers of the very 1st city to even a burrow nearby Sapphire Lake.

“Who do you think made these?” you always asked in awe. “And why?”

Hajin liked to joke it was her aunt’s doing because she had been quite as adventurous as her niece. “It seems like something she would do to sneak around the cities.”

But that didn’t answer the question of how she was able to create an entire tunnel system.

“My aunt didn’t talk much, unlike me. She and my dad weren’t that close. He liked to call her a social recluse. Maybe it’s ‘cause she had so many secrets.” Hajin grinned.

Nevertheless, you and Hajin were 15 years old—young and simple-minded—and didn’t question the origin of the tunnels as much as you could’ve; instead, the two of you explored the underground passages every minute you could without compromising your rankings in the program.

It was usually pitch black in the tunnels, which always made it a little scary when going on your weekly expeditions, but much of that fear was alleviated by having the other around. You would never explore the tunnels without Hajin, and Hajin vowed never to do it without you either—for she was also a bit prone to losing her way, and it was superbly easy to get lost in the maze of tunnels. So, to avoid becoming trapped in the tunnels, you decided to draw out a map, which you kept hidden between two arbitrary books on Hajin’s bookshelf if you weren’t using it. And as circas passed, your map expanded and expanded—until you had drawn over 100 paths originating from the castle grounds.

There was something so mysterious about the tunnels that drew you and Hajin both in. It felt so much bigger than the two of you, but it didn’t necessarily make you feel small and insignificant, either. The underground passageways became your and Hajin’s little secret, and you never told another soul about them—it was sort of a best friend pact.

But that joyous phase of wonder and exploration ended too quickly when training became cutthroat. Soon, the program took up all of your time, and there was no opportunity to run around and have fun anymore—not even on off days. There were more and more showcases to attend, and the physical training became more arduous as well. They wanted the cadets to learn more advanced alchemy, which wasn’t a problem for you but was a source of anxiety for many others. It seemed that they wanted to up the ante to see who was ready to move on. And for a while, you were doing just swell; if the program increased its challenges, you simply worked harder. It was only when they introduced dueling that you finally stumbled, hard.

Dueling felt barbaric, for the lack of better terms. You were told to fight another cadet with alchemy until one of you surrendered. But you simply couldn’t bring yourself to purposefully attack another person—and especially using alchemy! Even all that combat training on the wooden dummy couldn’t prepare you for this. Heroes never hurt anyone without good reason; in fact, some of them had moral conduct of never laying a finger on others, which was what you’d always aspired to do, even if it was a pipe dream. You always knew that, in the end, you would have to fight the Darlaeans, but that was a problem worth agonizing over in the future. But this wasn’t the end; this was merely just the beginning—the training period. You simply couldn’t understand why you had to potentially hurt your comrades—and for the sake of training? What bullshit! Couldn’t you practice combat alchemy with wooden dummies? Was this the unnecessary violence that the scholars always warned you about in the Darlaean Army?

There were cadets leaving duels with cuts and bruises, and the worst case you’ve ever seen was a broken nose. It made you feel sick to the stomach that you could hurt someone like that—or someone you’ve never wronged could inflict that kind of pain onto you. This was what villains did—cause pain, wreak havoc—and you wanted nothing to do with it.

Every time you faced your opponents, and every time that they threw their first charm your way, you immediately surrendered. The first time you did it, you tried to convince yourself that it had been a mistake—that you didn’t mean to surrender so instinctively, merely seconds into the duel. But when the same thing happened in your second duel, your third and so on, you realized that you were turning surrendering into a habit.

But there was that exhale of relief every time you surrendered as the fear squeezing your guts suddenly relaxed. And once you got used to this feeling of comfort, you chased after it again and again—never once even attempting to participate in your duels. It made you feel like you didn’t have what it took to become a soldier. Soldiers, who dealt with the pain and nervosity of marching into a battlefield knowing full well that they might not come back. And even though Hajin—who was a natural-born dueler—tried to make you feel better and offered to help, you couldn’t really get that horrible, gut-wrenching feeling out of your stomach when you even thought about throwing a hex at your opponent who was very much not an inanimate object and would feel every bit of the pain you inflicted.

Your ranking, as a result, began to plummet.

“Y/N, you’ve got to participate!” Hajin told you. “You need to learn how to do this! Sometimes before duels, I try to think about the bastards who killed my mother—it really gets me going!” Hajin was worried and was only giving advice because she wanted the best for you, but the advice was hard to follow. You simply didn’t have that kind of rage and hatred in you. You never lost anyone you knew in the war, nor did you think that losing someone in the war would make you want to attack your comrades, who had done nothing malicious to you at all.

Your ranking continued to plummet.

It came to the point that one day, General Son met with you to warn you that you were on the verge of being cut from the program.

The world around you shattered.

“I cannot understand why you refuse to participate, cadet.”

His words rang in your ears for days on end.

“There is no place for cowardliness in my army.”

Perhaps he was right. Perhaps you were being a coward.

You didn’t know what to do with yourself. If you were cut, they would kick you out of your home in the 12th city and stop paying you. You would have to say goodbye to Hajin, to the king who felt like your third parent, to the secret tunnels, to your other friends, to one day saving the world… It would ruin everything.

The General was being merciful, and you knew it; not many other recruits were given warnings when they were up on the chopping block. This special treatment only increased the pressure you felt to begin participating in these duels. You were on ice so thin that it was on the verge of breaking, and you could already imagine yourself drowning in the deep, freezing waters.

General Son gave you three days to change your behavior—an ultimatum. If you surrendered another duel, you would be cut and kicked out from the 12th city; it was final. This meant that you only had one choice: to win your next duel—you’ve never done that before.

All at once, it felt like you were at a dead end. You began regretting your decision of dropping out of Botswana Agate. You began ruminating on what could’ve been—by now, you would’ve been a respectable student at Aven Quartz. You began wondering if you were even cut out to be a soldier. How could you be? When you were terrified of hurting others and hurting yourself?

And how could you be a hero when you were so cowardly?

All those times you surrendered flashed in your mind. It was almost as if fear was your second nature. No proper soldier could be as cowardly as you. If you were this nervous for a minor duel amongst your comrades, you couldn’t imagine the trepidation you would feel going off to war. General Son was right. There was no place in his army for cowards.

It was surely one thing to be an adequate alchemist, but what good was that when you didn’t have the courage to use it?

So what were you going to do with your life now?

The more you thought about it, the deeper you sank into your feelings and questioned your choices.

But when you felt like you were drowning beyond the point of no return, it was Instructor Shin, who sent a response letter more than one year later, that brought you back to the shore.

Y/N,

I have spent circas contemplating my answer to you, my student. To be quite honest, I was disappointed at first—perhaps a little angry as well. I could not understand why such a talented student as you would be content with throwing away a bright future as an alchemist scholar. Yet… you must see something in the army to join their cause. This may be something that my limited point of view as an instructor heavily interweaved in scholarly practices cannot see. So, after much thought, I trust that your reason is sound.

I am happy for you, Y/N, that you are in the right place. Academia is constraining at times. There is freedom of thought, yes, but you have always wanted to think bigger, haven’t you? Perhaps you want to participate in a cause that will bring great glory to Darlae. Perhaps the world of academia is too small for your liking. I understand why the army is your calling now.

I trust that you will make the change you set out for, for I assume that there are many ways to excel in the army. Your passion, determination, and perseverance will speak volumes wherever you may go. You have dodged the many obstacles of academia, and this experience will help you overcome the more grueling challenges of the outside world. And so, I humbly wish you the best. I am happy to have been a part of your journey of excellence and to have taught you the little that I know. May you one day change Darlae for the better. And may you one day still remember me, your strict, old, incompetent instructor, who nearly stopped you from achieving greatness in the Darlaean Army.

Instructor Shin

⨰ previous | series m.list | next

⨰ a/n: whoops so let's pretend this isn't two weeks late haha! life has been... busy. it's the summer but there's a lot to prepare for in the fall semester 😭 plus they're making me do full stack for my internship and i was NOT expecting that at all :') also life update: i think i'm starting to see someone????? cool, i guess. he very lowkey reminds me of the solarian general LOL. both isfjs

please consider telling me your thoughts with a comment, an ask or a reblog :) i love hearing readers' impressions/rambles/predictions! if you want to join the taglist, send in a private message, ask, reply to this post or reblog with your request!

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honestlywtf04 · 3 years ago

Text

𝐅𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐛𝐨𝐲

warning : fluff, slight angst. vinnie being a huge simp.

summary : he changed his fuckboy ways for one girl and one girl only

vinnie x fem!reader

there she is, the most beautiful girl i've ever laid my eyes on. she may be quiet, but god she can turn me into her little bitch if she wanted to. i was never a believer of love at first sight but as cheesy as it sounds, she makes me think twice about that.

y/n. the only girl that has made me feel actual love without actually doing anything. she is the only girl that wouldn't fall to their feet for me. the only girl that hasn't tried to get with me and i love that about her.

for the past few months, I've been contemplating on whether or not i should ask her out. it may sound easy but it's not when you're like me.

my mind always goes back to how i was and how most people see me. i'm known for playing girls. am i proud of it? no.

however, the last time i "played" someone, was around two months ago. mainly because i wanted to change my ways and prove that i'm more than just a fuckboy. girls now see me a sex object and assume that i'll have sex with them if they asked. no chance.

i want to stop being seen as the 'fuckboy that does anything for sex'. so far, it hasn't worked as good as i hoped. many girls have been spreading rumors around the entire school that i fucked them in the janitor's closet or that i took them on a date. or that we were so kinky. girls are crazy.

my ex, emily, recently told everyone that i took her on a date and that now we're talking. i ignored the rumors because they weren't true, but people are still gullible enough believe whatever comes out of her dirty mouth.

emily and i dated in sophomore year, she made me believe in love for the first time. that was until her father suddenly started gaining more money and she became a spoiled brat.

i don't know how she became so rich, but it's not my business so quite frankly, i don't care.

we broke up at the beginning of junior year when i caught her fucking the new guy in the men's bathroom.

ever since then, i started doing random hookups almost everyday. girls would fall for me and i would take advantage of that. i would use my looks, charm, and charisma to get into their pants. asshole move i know.

y/n was new this year, senior year. the moment i laid my eyes on her, i was mesmerized. i couldn't breathe, and i couldn't take my eyes off her.

she is undeniably gorgeous. she is quiet and stayed to herself and a few people in her friend group.

from what I've heard, she doesn't like drama, but she wants a real relationship. she wants a relationship built with trust and loyalty. fortunately, i've seen many guys shoot their shot at her and fail miserably.

she may be quiet, but everyone knows her. she is what people call a 'popular loner'.

one time, i tried talking to her but her face showed disgust and annoyance so i decided to leave her alone. she more than likely knows me from my playboy ways.

ever since then, the amount of hookups i had began decreasing rapidly. it got to the point where i haven't even looked at another girl that isn't y/n.

it scares me because my love for emily wasn't nearly as strong as my love for y/n, and i actually talked and dated emily.

i'm whipped for a girl that doesn't like me. great.

i'm whipped for a girl i never really talked to.

love is crazy. yes, i said love.

the last day of school is right around the corner. i'm going to ask her out today. the thought of her possibly being mine excites me in many ways. but the thought of her rejecting me, terrifies me too.

right now, i'm in my last period. the bell is going to ring in a few minutes.

"alright class, pack up please i don't want you guys to be late to the bus," my teacher puts away her notes and wipes the whiteboard with the dry eraser.

i quickly grab my notebooks and put them in my backpack.

i zip up my backpack and sling it on my arm. y/n has english right now, and she takes her car home. don't ask me how i know.

i head the bell ring so i quickly walk out of the door, and walk towards the front doors. i let out a few "excuse me's" as i'm pushing through the giant crowd of students.

i make my way to the main door. as i push on the door, i look through the window and see y/n sitting on the bench on her phone. i feel my heartbeat increase instantly so i take a deep breath to calm myself down before going outside.

as i'm walking towards her slowly, i turn around and walk towards the wall. i'm too nervous to say anything to her. i lean on the wall and pretend to use my phone.

after a few minutes, i look up from my phone, seeing her still sitting on the bench.

why is she still here?

i take a deep breath and shake my head trying to calm down. "you got this." i mentally pat myself in the back.

i walk towards her slowly, she hears my footsteps and looks up. i gulp as she makes intense eye contact with me. she's so beautiful.

"h-hey." i smile softly. "hi." she replies plainly, clearly annoyed by my presence making my heart sink.

okay...

"s-so, i w-was w-wondering if y-you w-would l-like to g-go on a d-date with me," i stutter severely. this is so embarrassing.

calm down, be confident.

"you are asking me on a date?" she raises an eyebrow pointing to herself. "y-yeah," i say, wanting to calm down.

"no," she answers, scoffing. i feel my heart physically drop at her words. "w-why?" i ask, trying not to sound hurt, but it's not working.

"hm let's see," she places her hand on her chin. is it down next to her, leaving space between us.

"the one and only vinnie hacker, school fuckboy is asking quiet girl y/n y/l/n on a date," she mimics a news reporter.

"vinnie, you are known for using girls for your own pleasure, do you not know how many innocent girl cried over you?" i look down, upset because she's right.

"you tell a girl you like her, and once she falls for your trap, you get into her pants and leave. then you move on to the next girl as if she's nothing. it's a constant cycle for you." she rolls her eyes.

"and not to mention the fact that you literally fucked your ex recently, make it make sense." i look at her, confusion and hurt in my eyes.

"bu-," i try to say but i get cut off by her holding a finger up.

"shut up, i'm not done," she sighs. "my answer is no. if i go on a date with you, i'm gonna catch feelings for you. i want a real relationship, a man that'll see me as their only one. someone that i can trust, someone that can make me feel like i'm on cloud nine. vinnie, i don't trust you." she finally finishes and sighs.

"are you done?" i ask, swallowing the lump in my throat. "yes." she turns her head and looks at me.

i look back at her as we both make eye contact. my cheeks flush red before turning my head back around. "i'm gonna explain myself."

"i'm glad that you finally put me in my place, no one has done that." i chuckle, but i stop once i see her giving me a death stare. i clear my throat before continuing, "i know that i'm known for being a fuckboy, and i'm not proud of it." i look down, disappointed in myself and she nods as if it's the most obvious thing on earth.

"but, i will tell you, I've changed." she scoffs, "that's what they all say." she rolls her eyes. "i promise, i haven't hooked up with anyone in like two months, i haven't even looked at a girl." i say quietly playing with my fingers.

she looks at me, furrowing her eyebrows. "then all the people you hooked up with these past few weeks-." i cut her off. "those are all rumors, girls at this school would do anything for attention." i roll my eyes.

"okay." she whispers. we both look at each other, making eye contact. "why me?" she asks curiously.

"i don't know, and that scares me. I've never looked at anyone the way i look at you. i have strong feelings for you and it worries me since we never talked." i admit, smiling when i see her cheeks go a light shade of red.

"all those guys I've seen ask you out, worried me because i thought i would lose my chance with you." she smiles softly, making me smile back.

"i'll change completely, for you." she rests her head on my shoulder, catching me off guard. i never realized that we sat down.

"how do i know that you're not lying?" she asks me. "only one way to find out, i know that my words aren't really reassuring, but i promise you that if you say 'yes', i'll make you feel the most loved that you have ever felt." i blush at the thought of us being together.

"yes." she says, lifting her head up to look at me. my eyes widen at her answer. "yes?" i ask, seeing her nod her head.

"yes vinnie, i'll go on a date with you." i smile big and i feel my eyes water slightly, i was not expecting this.

y/n takes notice of my watery eyes. "vin don't cry." she cups my cheeks. i feel a tear fall out of my right eye but she quickly wipes it. "i-im sorry." i whisper. she pulls my head on her chest.

"i-i just thought that i will never find someone due to people thinking i'm a fuckboy." i croak out.

"well, now you have me. you just have to keep me." i lift my head and stare at her beautiful eyes, getting lost in them.

she wipes my tears with her thumb. we simultaneously stand up together and i wrap my arms around her, my heart beating out of my chest.

"vin, calm down." she giggles, making me feel a little bit embarrassed. "sorry." i mumble, unwrapping my arms.

"stop apologizing." she chuckles. "sorry." i mutter, not knowing what i'm saying at this point.

"seriously stop." she looks at me, making me shut my mouth and scold myself mentally.

she engulfs me in another big hug, i smile brightly before hugging her back.

after a few minutes of us enjoying each other's presence, i finally break the silence. "aren't you supposed to be home?"

"yeah, but my parents are out of town and i forgot that i let my friend use my car." she replies, unwrapping her arms, me doing the same.

"why aren't you home?" she emphasizes the 'you'. "I've been planning on asking you out for months and i know that you drive home." i chuckle. "you wanna go to my place?" she offers.

"sure," i reply. she leads me to her car, hand in hand. both of us happy with each other and hopeful for what the future holds for us.

major time skip

"and that's how our relationship first started." i explain to my son.

"so dad, you had sex with a lot of girls until you met mom?" my 16 year old boy asks me.

"yes, but every single person i hooked up with, is a regret in my book." i answer him.

"and don't even think about doing what i did." i squint my eyes at him. he chuckles and stands up. "don't worry, i'm not like you." he says, making me jaw drop.

i stand up and launch towards him. we start to wrestle, laughter coming from both of our mouths. he shocks me when he picks me up and throws me on the couch.

he's growing up too fast.

"ahem." i hear someone say from behind us. i turn around and see my lovely wife standing in front of us with her hands on her hip. we both quickly stand up and stay quiet.

"what are you guys doing?" she raises an eyebrow. i look at my son, seeing him look down. "wrestling." i mumble, also looking down.

"and what happened last time?" she asks us as i start to play with my fingers. "we broke the coffee table." my son answers.

"exactly, i don't wanna pay for another table, if y'all gon' wrestle, then take it outside not here." she says, walking closer to me, making me gulp.

she steps closer to me before turning a little bit to face our son. "c'mon it's time to go to bed." he sighs, and gives her a kiss in the cheek before going upstairs to bed.

"and you." she looks at me, making me eyes widen. after all these years, she still manages to make me nervous.

"i love you." she giggles making me let out a sigh of relief. "it's so cute how nervous you get around me." she pouts.

"shush, i love you too." i place my lips on hers.

"and i love you so much." i pull away and bend down, rubbing her pregnant stomach.

a/n: i love making vinnie sensitive it's so adorable 🤍🤍

#vinnie hacker #vinnie fanfic #vinnie imagines #vinnie x reader #vincent hacker #vinnie #vinnie vincent #vhackerr #vinnie hacker angst #vinnie hacker fluff #reading #writing #vinnie x you #vinnie hacker fanfic

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untaemedqueen · 4 years ago

Text

Sanative

Husband!Jeongguk x Pregnant Wife!Reader

WordCount: 19.8k

Genre: Angst, Healing, Smut, Marriage!AU

Trigger Warnings: Mentions of Kidnapping, Mentions of Small Amounts of Food

Warnings: Heart Breaking Thoughts, Angst, Healing, Emotional, Praise, Fingering, Begging, Daddy Kink, Thigh Riding, Fellatio, Lactation Kink, Milk Drinking, Throat Fucking, Glazed Donut!OC, Cunnilingus, Degradation, Somewhat Dom!Guk, Sub!OC, Squirting, Rough Pregnant Sex, Finger Sucking, Multiple Orgasms, Creampie

A/N: Soooooo this is a fic I've been working on since February, FEBRUARY! And it's finally done. I'm really so so so proud of this fic. I worked super hard on it. It's a fic about love and healing, coming back to a loved one after something shakes their relationship to the core. It's uplifting and comforting and it makes my heart warm. I hope you guys enjoy it! Really huge thank you to @xjoonchildx, @ladyartemesia, @ppersonna for sticking with me and reading every little change I’ve made to it!

Silence -- the absence of sound is sometimes deafening.

In silence, true silence, other sounds tend to bleed in like a gentle hum.

In Jeon Jeongguk's silence everything is always louder -- the clock ticking away seconds, the sound of his own heart beating catastrophically slow, the sound of gentle breathing across the room.

It drives him insane.

It drives him up the wall.

He's been so used to sitting in silence that everything just sounds so fucking loud.

The way nails are currently scratching against the rich fabric of the arm chair across from him.

The sound of a bus honking in the distance.

It all resounds through his skull.

"-Guk. Jeongguk?"

Taking a sharp breath, he looks up at the nail scratching culprit.

"Yes, Dr. Kim," he breathes, loosening his tie.

"Namjoon, please. Do you-Do you want to talk about your progress this week?" Kim Namjoon inquires, looking down at his clipboard.

Guk tilts his head, watching Namjoon's fingers card through the multitude of sheets.

What has he written down?

"There's been no progress this week." he replies, looking down at his lap.

Dr. Kim nods astutely. "Well it takes time for people to come back to themselves… as well as others after what your wife went through. It's only natural."

The only thing that Jeongguk thinks is how unnatural life is at the moment.

"Are you experiencing anger?"

Yes.

"Experiencing grief or loss for what your life used to be?"

Oh, yes.

"Are you trying to be strong for her when you can barely stand on your own?"

Fuck, yes.

"No." Jeongguk states, looking up at the therapist.

Namjoon seems to take a pause to scribble something down and the younger man can't help how he sits up straighter to maybe get a peek at the writing.

"Well, if that's all you feel the need to say, hopefully next week will be more insightful for you. It takes time for someone to get over trauma, this has also been traumatic for you." Dr. Kim announces, intertwining his hands and placing them softly down on the clipboard.

Jeongguk looks at the clock, hearing the telltale ticking that seconds are passing. "Sure. Yeah."

"Next week then, Jeongguk." Namjoon says, giving him a small smile that dimples his chin.

Jeongguk is slow to get up and walk out of the room. Everything feels heavy around him, his own heart has felt like one hundred pounds since you finally came back to him.

But once he's out of the therapy building and in his own car. He can't seem to stop the gut wrenching sob that flies free from his chest.

His eyes screw shut and his forehead slams into the steering wheel.

"Oh, God!" he gasps, tugging and pulling at his tie that feels like a noose around his neck. He fumbles with the fabric before chucking it onto the dashboard with a wail.

"God! Fuck! Dammit! Goddammit!" he screams, slamming his hands against the steering wheel. His hand slips a few times, pressing up against the horn and the sound resounds throughout the almost empty parking lot.

In his swimming misery, all the months without you seem to bleed through his memory.

"Y/N," he gasps, pressing his bruised fist to his forehead and squeezing his bloodshot eyes closed.

One memory always gnaws at him in the silence. It stains his soul like coffee on white fabric.

He's gotten so used to seeing the cream colored walls of the police station that in some sickening way it feels like home.

"Can we go over it again, Mr. Jeon?" Detective Kim inquires, stirring his coffee slowly.

Jeongguk swallows thickly, looking over the man's cluttered desk. His hands shake nervously and his fingers clench and squeeze at the still air.

How many times does he have to repeat himself?

But he's so broken and desperate that he complies.

"My wife went to the supermarket to get groceries to celebrate that she was pregnant with our first baby." he whispers.

Just even stating the words sends his heart bleeding.

How many times does he have to repeat the worst day of his fucking life?

"The Atlantis Market?" Detective Kim inquires, narrowing his eyes at the case file.

He knows this already. Why is he asking?

"Y-Yes, it's where she always goes. She likes the meat better there than any other market." Guk whispers, closing his eyes.

"Right. And when did you notice she was missing?" Kim asks, sipping his coffee.

The slurping is incessant and Jeongguk's eyes spring open at the loud noise.

"T-Two hours she left. She always calls me when she gets to the supermarket. She always stays on the phone with me. She didn't call and hours passed."

He relives it daily and to tell this detective it again for the seventh time is heart wrenching.

"And you don't think that maybe she just ran away? Maybe it wasn't your baby… Maybe she went off with someone else?"

The accusation sends fury coursing through your husband and he bares his teeth at the question.

"She would never leave me. We love each other, we've been together since highschool. I went to that fucking supermarket and found the door to her car open and her car keys on the ground." he seethes, slamming his hand onto the wooden desk.

Detective Kim doesn't move, he doesn't flinch, he just hums in agreement which is insulting enough.

"Right, it says that in this missing person's report. Well, let me just make it clear that she has been missing for three months already. We have no leads and we don't know if we'll ever find her."

"You're the POLICE. It's your fucking job!" Jeongguk shouts, standing up and leaning down onto the desk with his fists.

"I'm just giving you the statistics, Mr. Jeon. No need to act violent." Kim warns, narrowing his eyes up at the broken younger man.

"I'll show you violent. Find my wife. She's fucking pregnant for God's sakes! She's in danger!" he spits, feeling the nervousness grow and peak inside of him.

"Are you threatening a police officer, Jeon Jeongguk?" the detective quips, standing up on his own volition.

"Find my wife!" Jeongguk seethes, kicking the chair over and leaving.

Getting home, Jeongguk rattles his keys loudly before placing them in the dish by door.

"Baby? I-I'm home," he calls throughout the house.

He's learned over many trials and errors that it's best if he announces himself before entering any room. It seems to calm you in some way.

He finds you in the kitchen, temple pressed to the window as you watch the rain fall onto the back patio.

"It's coming down a lot out there," he breathes, looking you over.

Your hair isn't combed through and you still look pale but you're home.

"Y/N?" he calls softly, setting down the take out onto the kitchen island.

He hasn't been up for cooking lately, he's been too much of a nervous wreck.

You haven't so much as even looked at him since you've been brought back home. But, he's okay with that, just you even being here is perfect.

"I g-got us jjajangmyeon for dinner, I know you really like it from Golden Tiger." he whispers.

He nods a bit when you cup your growing stomach and just stare out the window.

You don't eat with him. You don't like it. It makes you scared.

He finds his chest clenching and he tears his eyes away from you. His fingers card through his long blond hair and he takes a deep breath to try and calm himself.

"I'll just leave it here then. Don't let it get too cold, it won't be yummy." he croaks, grabbing his take out container and a beer from the fridge.

He finds it easier to eat in his home office.

Picking up the black bean noodles with his chopsticks, he stares at the wedding photo of the both of you after you graduated college.

The smile that you give him is so blindingly beautiful and your eyes are alight with love and compassion for your husband.

He stares at it until his eyes are blurry with tears and suddenly he's lost his appetite.

"Fuck," he curses, throwing down his chopsticks and covering his face with his hands.

The silence echoes throughout the office and he can barely string a thought together.

But then his memory cuts through everything and it grounds him with peace even for a minute.

"You look like your brain is gonna explode!" you tease your husband, peeking your head into the home office.

He looks up from his computer, giving you a chuckle and then a pout.

"I'm so swamped with emails," he whines, opening his arms childishly for you.

You can only giggle, skipping over the large rug and sitting on his lap.

He groans teasingly, burying his face into your neck and sighing.

"Why am I so swamped, baby?" he whispers, kissing over your skin.

"Because you're a genius and everyone wants your help with building. What did Forbes say about you last month? Oh yeah! 'Jeon Jeongguk is the world's youngest ever architect that built a skyscraper that exceeds all expectations of reality.' And they're absolutely correct." you beam, planting a sloppy kiss on his cheek.

He laughs gently, rocking you back and forth on his lap. "Man, how did I get a wife that's beautiful, amazing AND smart?"

"Oh, you definitely got lucky." you quip, laughing loudly when he begins to tickle you.

Guk stares at the doorway, bringing the beer bottle to his lips.

"Oh, babe, what am I gonna do?" he breathes, putting his head back to the top of his office chair.

Jeongguk's bed is cold, it's always cold these days.

You don't sleep with him anymore but he understands, you don't like contact of any kind. He can't imagine what you've been through or what you feel.

You certainly haven't voiced anything about the terrible experience you've been through.

Sometimes he can hear you crying late at night. He can hear your small sobs and it tears him into pieces.

In the moonlit room, he stares at his gold wedding band. His eyes drift to your empty side of the bed and like a child, he grabs your pillow. Burying his face into the soft fabric, he sighs loudly.

The room swallows the sound, and from the guest bedroom down the hall -- he hears your sob.

Guk's eyes squeeze shut and he prays that sleep will finally find him soon.

He's exhausted.

All he does is stare at his phone.

Jeongguk just stares and stares at his phone, willing it to ring and to tell him that you're on your way home.

He's cancelled all his major building projects for the foreseen future and everyone completely understands. Or so they say.

He has enough money to sit in this same exact seat for the next twenty years and wait for the phone call.

He's not fucking giving up.

He's not taking his eyes off the phone for a minute.

He owes it to you, the woman who he's pledged his life to, to get you back.

There's always this feeling -- this rush when a phone lights up.

And that rush only happens to people who are desperately waiting. Whether that be for a job interview, a text from their crush, an email from their boss telling them they got the day off.

But when his phone lights up, he thinks solely of you.

And after months of devastation and painful waiting -- Busan Police Department calls.

"Y-Yes!" Jeongguk screams into the phone, his index finger shakily tapping the speaker button.

"Mr. Jeon? Jeon Jeongguk? We've found your wife. She was left abandoned off the Olympus Expressway."

His nervousness doesn't cease and he feels like he's going to throw up any second.

He doesn't know why the question passes his lips but it does. "Is s-she alive? Is my wife alive?"

"Yes, Mr. Jeon, she's alive, she's being transferred to the Busan Hospital as we speak."

He falls out of his chair, wailing loudly. His hands clamp over his mouth and he gasps for air like he's been deprived of it.

"Mr. Jeon? Are you coming to the hospital? She won't speak to anyone."

His eyes squeeze shut and his heart pounds so loudly, he thinks it might explode.

"Jeon Jeongguk? Hello?"

"Yes! Yes, I'm coming!" he screams, putting his hands to his forehead.

"Any progress this week, Jeongguk?" Namjoon inquires.

Your husband stares straight ahead at the ornate clock on the wall. He shakes his head, swallowing thickly.

"We always sit here in silence, is that really okay for you?" Dr. Kim asks, crossing his legs and pushing his glasses up with his middle finger.

His lips puff out in thought and he sputters them softly. "There isn't… anything to talk about." he breathes, shaking his head.

Namjoon hums thoughtfully, tossing the clipboard onto the table beside him. "I beg to differ. There's a lot of pain in the situation that you're trying not to resurface."

Just the mention has Guk blushing and the first reaction is to get violent. His eyebrows furrow and his nostrils flare at the therapist before him.

"This is painful, Jeongguk. And you trying to bury it deep inside of you isn't going to help."

Your husband scratches at his neck, looking down at his wedding band. He closes his eyes and takes a deep, soothing breath.

"Why don't we try an exercise this week? Hmm? Homework isn't the proper word to call it. Are you up for it?"

Guk sighs, spinning his wedding band on his finger as he thinks. Anything would be better than this. He loves you so much that he's willing to try anything. So he nods.

"When you get home, even if Y/N doesn't talk to you or look at you. Why don't you tell her one of your happiest memories you can think of that involves her? Even though she isn't speaking, she can still hear you. I think that might be healing for you -- maybe her as well." Dr. Kim suggests, smiling kindly at his patient.

There're so many moments, how could Guk pick just one?

"Alright. I can try." he bleats, looking back up at the clock and hearing the seconds tick away.

"Good! Next week we'll talk about how that felt for you."

Jeongguk shakes his keys, setting them down in the bowl by the door.

"Baby, I'm home!" he calls loudly, sliding his feet into his slippers.

The house feels colder today and he knows that winter will soon be nipping at the world's ankles.

He's a fabulous architect but his heat proofing in this house wasn't the best.

You're sitting on the couch today, staring aimlessly at the wooden floors.

"Are you hungry, babe? I brought you home some chicken soup. It's good for our baby girl." he inquires, walking past you and towards the kitchen.

He sees you thickly swallow and it makes his heart thump harder within his chest.

He leans down on the marble island countertop and he stares straight ahead for a while. He remembers when you first put up the small paintings that make up this large masterpiece above the dining room table. He fell in love with it so quickly.

He feels deathly nervous, like the day when he asked you to marry him.

"Y'know," he begins, he takes a deep breath and he just bares his soul before you, because it's just natural, "I remember the first day I ever saw you. It was in seventh grade and you had on the school uniform but you had these fake red highlights in your hair. They were, like, woven into your ponytail holder."

His fist tucks beneath his chin and he smirks at the memory. "I just knew you were going to get in trouble for it because it was against school code. I remember telling you about it too and you just stared at me and said, 'So?' And I was like, 'Damn, this girl is so badass. I wanna be this badass.' Mrs. Park came up to you and you didn't give a flying shit when she reprimanded you. And I remember that I stared at you like you were the sun. I wanted to know you immediately, I wanted to be by your side. I wanted to be your friend. I was falling in love with you then."

He hums sweetly, wrinkling his nose at the memory.

"I just wanted to say that. I know it's really difficult for you right now. I understand. I can't begin to understand what you went through." Jeongguk breathes, opening up the fridge and grabbing a beer.

When he looks over towards the living room, he can see you staring at him through the turned off television and his eyes suddenly burn with raw emotion.

"I-I miss you." he gasps, putting his hand to his heart.

He stands still for a while, just letting the both of you look at each other after so long. He blinks his eyes rapidly when his tears get in the way of being able to see you.

When you finally look away, he takes a deep breath through his nose.

"I-I'll be in my office. I know you find it hard to be in the same room as me." he breathes, rounding the kitchen island and heading down the hallway.

When he opens the door to his office, he has to cup his hand over his mouth at the sound of your voice.

"I miss you, too."

He slides down the back of the door, pressing his forehead to his knees and he bites down hard on his index finger to quiet his blubbers.

You spoke to him.

"What are you doing?!" you giggle as your husband slides his hands over your eyes.

"It's called a surprise, you've never heard of one?" he quips, kissing the crown of your head.

You hum playfully, folding your arms and relishing in the way his chest contorts against your back.

"Why am I being blinded? What's the surprise?" you inquire, tilting your head until you finally whisper, "Is it something kinky?"

Guk laughs loudly, letting his head loll back. "You fuckin' wish." he teases.

"You're right, I do." you jeer, allowing him to guide you along farther.

"Silly," he chuckles, promptly stopping you.

You feel his hands begin to get a little sweaty and you know this only happens when he's deathly nervous.

"Gukkie? What is it?" you ask sweetly, running your fingers over his bare arms.

"I just hope you like it." he breathes, pressing his lips to the top of your head.

"I like everything you do, Guk," you reply, drifting your nails over his skin.

"Remember in eighth grade I promised you that I would build you a house?"

"Yeah out of popsicle sticks and spit," you guffaw.

He takes a deep breath, pulling his hands away from your face.

When you open your eyes, the bright sun makes you squint but the gasp that leaves you has him stunned into silence.

"Oh my God, Jeon Jeongguk!" you yell, bunching your hands up into your hair.

The house is sleek and modern with asymmetrical shapes and big open windows.

When you turn to him, his eyes are wide with nervousness. "D-Do you like it?" he bleats.

You have no words, instead you decide to tackle him onto the front lawn.

He groans loudly, wrapping his arms around you like always. "Is that a yes?" he chuckles.

"Yes! Yes! I fucking love it! I fucking LOVE it!" you screech, cupping both sides of his face and pressing a wet kiss to his lips.

God, it's fucking cold in this house. Guk shivers beneath the blankets and he can only imagine how cold it must be in the guest room.

He explicitly made it colder so guests wouldn't stay as long.

There is a rule, y'know. Guests are like fish -- they stay for three days and then anything after that, they start to stink.

You must be fucking frigid. But he remembers when he checked on you one night soon after you came home and you screamed so loud that it scared him to his core.

He doesn't want to frighten you.

He tucks his body into fetal position, squeezing his eyes shut in hopes that he'll just pass out sooner or later.

The silence in his room begins to echo like white noise and he can only whine softly.

When he couldn't sleep before you were taken, you used to play the sounds of the sea for him. He can remember the waves crashing against the coastline and a seagull or two crying out high above the water.

He hasn't heard the sounds of the beach in so long.

He lays like this for a long time, just keeping his eyes shut and listening to the heater click and roll every so often.

But then he hears the sound of feet.

Your feet.

They pad slowly throughout the hallway and he takes a sharp breath when they stop in front of the master bedroom.

The door creaks open and his bottom lip purchases between his teeth. He makes no movement. He doesn't know why you're in here but he doesn't want to scare you away.

After a while, the sheets ruffle and your side of the bed dips.

He presses his lips into a thin line, feeling his hands begin to shake with nervousness. He can't possibly move, he wants you to stay right where you are.

You take a sharp breath between your teeth that makes his heart beat faster and when he slowly opens one eye, he can see you rubbing your growing stomach.

He swallows the sob that threatens to escape and he squeezes his eye closed one more.

He finds it comforting to hear the sounds of your shallow breathing. He relishes in it in all honesty. He adores it.

It's the one sound he probably couldn't live without, besides your laughter.

And as he drifts off to sleep, he can hear waves lapping against the shore.

"So, how was your experiment?" Namjoon inquires.

Jeongguk finds himself smirking, running his fingers through his hair. "I think it went really well."

The therapist sits forward curiously, widening his eyes at seeing Jeongguk give a semblance of a smile for the first time in a month.

"Would you like to share that experience here?" Dr. Kim inquires.

Your husband sighs dreamily, staring down at his wedding band.

"Well I did as you suggested and I told Y/N about the first time I ever saw her. When I looked over at her, she was looking at me for the first time since she came back. It was through the television but… she was really looking at me. I told her I missed her and-and she said it back! Last night, it was freezing in the house and Y/N came and laid down with me in bed." he gushes, putting his hand over his heart.

Namjoon smiles, his deep dimples etching into his cheeks. He quickly writes something down before setting the clipboard aside. He gives your husband his undivided attention, intertwining his hands in his lap.

"Well, that must feel amazing. Especially after feeling alone for so long." Namjoon beams.

Jeongguk nods almost childishly. "It was amazing. I didn't get to touch her and we didn't talk but finally she was in our bed again, y'know? And she told me she missed me too, which felt incredible."

Dr. Kim has seen your husband for a while now and this is the most he's ever said in a one hour session.

It's honestly a relief to see Jeongguk actually coming out of his shell, if only on a miniscule level.

"Well, I think the exercise definitely helped, right? I mean, Jeongguk, this is progress. I'm sure it feels amazing."

Guk nods, leaning back comfortably into the couch. "Yeah," he laughs, "I'm so elated. I don't know what else to say."

Namjoon leans forward, putting his elbows to his knees. "Well then, I think we should make another exercise for you guys."

Your husband listens attentively, crossing his legs and sitting forward.

"Maybe this week we can delve into staying in a room with Y/N. How does that sound? You can stay in a room with her and just talk for awhile and even if she doesn't respond -- that's okay. She was listening to you the other day."

Jeongguk nods, a small smile playing on his lips. "Yeah, I'd love that."

"Baby? I'm home!" Jeongguk calls loudly, tossing his keys to the side table.

He peeks into the living room and you're not sitting in the same seat he left you in when he left.

His eyebrow quirks up and he looks into the open kitchen only to find an empty space.

His first thought, however terrible it is, is that you've left.

You got so scared that you bolted after sleeping with him in bed last night.

"Y/N?!" he croaks loudly, tossing the bags of dinner onto the kitchen island.

His mind begins to muddle and his hands start to sweat at the simple thought.

He rushes down the long hallway of your home, checking his office, his bedroom, the guest bedroom.

You're nowhere to be found.

"Y/N!" he yells, shoving open the nursery room door.

You flinch gently when the door makes a loud noise and Jeongguk is immediately calmed by your presence.

"I-I'm so sorry. I just thought you left. I didn't mean to scare you, please forgive me." he begs, shutting the door as quietly as he can.

You're staring at the crib your husband bought just a month or two ago.

Before you were taken, this room was completely empty. You hadn't talked about themes or what you would need but while you were away when Jeongguk wasn't staring at his phone, he was setting up the nursery.

He didn't know the gender then, of course, and he only found out at the hospital when you were picked up from the Olympus Expressway but teal was always pretty to him and it's one of your favorite colors.

"I know you like teal so…" he finds himself at a loss for words.

You pick up a small stuffed animal that sits in the crib and hug it to your body.

Jeongguk shifts from one foot to the other uneasily. He just hopes and prays that he hasn't frightened you too badly.

"Do you…Do you wanna talk?" he inquires softly, sitting down on the floor.

You stare at the white and teal abstract paintings that make up the wall.

Your husband looks down at his hands, staring at his wedding band like always.

"I-I know you're having such a difficult time adjusting and God, I can't imagine what you went through but I miss you, baby. I miss you so much. I would stare at my phone all day just waiting to get a call from the police…" he breathes.

He doesn't look up at you, if he does then he might be too nervous to speak his truth.

"If you hate the nursery we can always change it. I just needed to do something. I needed to prepare for you to come home because I knew that you would. I knew you would come back to me."

He can see your feet turn towards him and you slowly but surely make your way beside him before sitting down.

You're about a foot apart but he takes that. He takes anything you want to give him.

"I love it." you breathe, looking down at the teddy bear and running your fingers over the soft fur.

Your voice sends him spiralling and he clenches his hands together to steady himself.

"I don't have a great sense of style like you, so I just bought a bunch of stuff and placed it everywhere." he chirps, looking around the room.

"Hate the changing table." you whisper.

The notion makes him laugh and he finds himself chuckling heartily at your words.

He hasn't laughed in so long that it feels euphoric.

Jeongguk turns his head to you, his blonde hair falling into his eyes. "I love you. I know you're probably not ready to come back to me yet but I'm always here waiting."

He can see your eyes becoming glassy and it's like a dagger to his heart. He presses his hand to the left side of his chest, taking a calming breath through his nose.

You don't move and you don't speak, you just stare down at the teddy bear that absorbs any falling tears that escape from your eyes.

"Are you hungry?" he inquires, folding his arms.

You sniffle gently, pressing the teddy bear to your growing stomach.

He doesn't want to force you to do or say anything. So he just sits beside you. Because he always will.

Silence takes over the room, coating Guk in white noise.

"I thought I was gonna die." you announce softly, playing with the hem of your dress.

He squeezes his eyes shut, his bottom lip starting to quiver at your admission.

"I didn't think I would ever see you again," you gasp, gripping the teddy bear tighter.

Jeongguk can feel his eyes burning with raw emotion. He can feel his body shutting down to it's baser instincts.

"I never gave up hope. I always knew you would come back to me. I just knew it." he breathes, looking over at you.

You give a small nod, wiping your cheeks almost childishly.

"Thank you for speaking to me. I miss your voice." he whispers, looking up at the ceiling.

There's silence again.

"I wasn't allowed to talk." you murmur.

His fists squeeze tightly at the admission and he can feel this anger swirling deep within his gut.

You haven't said anything, especially anything about when you were taken so the small sliver of information you've given him makes him see red in that quick minute.

"Did they…Did they hurt you, baby? Is that why you won't let me touch you?" he inquires softly.

You swallow thickly, standing up and putting the teddy bear back in the crib. "I'm hungry." you bleat.

Jeongguk realizes he's stepped too far for where you're comfortable, so he nods in agreement.

"Yeah… Of course. I brought home some sesame chicken. Come." he says quickly, trying to take your mind off of everything.

"What do you think?" you ask your husband, picking a small onesie off the store rack.

Jeongguk lowers his sunglasses, staring at the small article of clothing.

"It's yellow," he replies, garbled around a piece of hotteok.

"So? You don't like yellow?" you quip, looking down at the small bumble bees buzzing around the fabric.

"You're not pregnant yet," he states, sitting down on one of the benches near the shoes area.

"So? I can't buy a onesie if I'm not pregnant?" you gasp playfully, pressing the baby clothes to your chest.

He looks at you incredulously, fighting the smirk that threatens to spread over his lips. "What're you saying? You wanna have my baby?"

You roll your eyes, placing the baby clothing into the cart. "Isn't that every woman's dream?"

He blinks. "To have Jeon Jeongguk's baby? Yeah probably."

Your snort seems to carry through the thin air of the department store and Guk watches as you rifle through more clothes.

Wiping his mouth with his napkin, he takes you in. The way you sway to the music that creeps through the loudspeakers and the way your fingers deftly card through the small onesies.

God, his life is so perfect.

You're so perfect.

He's the epitome of luck and he surely believes he saved the king in his past life to be so blessed this time around.

"I love you," he breathes, pushing his sunglasses to the top of his head.

Your smile is blinding and you cross through the aisle, sitting down on his lap and hooking your arms over his neck.

"I love you, too." you coo, booping his nose with your index finger.

You ate in silence but at least you stayed in the same room as him.

Guk noticed how slowly you ate, like you were savoring it as if it was your last meal or something.

He appreciates that you spoke to him if only a few words. He'll cherish it forever if he's being honest.

But with the absence of sound, he found himself thinking of so many questions that won't leave his brain.

He knows you're not ready to answer them. You may never be ready.

But he has them prepared just in case.

Now, laying in bed, he hopes you'll come and sleep with him again like last night. He hopes it wasn't just a one off.

Jeongguk's head lays down on his pillow and he stares at your side of the bed.

He likes that your side is still a bit wrinkled from last night, it reminds him again that you were next to him.

When he hears your small footsteps, he closes his eyes. He pulls a soft throw pillow to his chest and hugs it as tightly as possible.

It feels like an eternity, waiting to see what you'll do but then finally you slip into the bed beside him.

He peeks one eye open and he's met face to face with you.

Wow.

You haven't been this close in ages.

"Hi baby," he whispers, closing his eye.

He can only chant to himself, 'Please don't leave. Please don't get scared.'

He can feel the bed dipping closer and closer to him and his eyebrows furrow curiously.

You're moving towards him?

He can feel the soft skin of your arm grazing against his and a shiver runs up his spine.

He whimpers gently, embarrassingly so, at your body so close to his own.

Guk can feel his eyes welling up with tears.

He takes deep, calming breaths to try and steady himself.

“D-Don’t move,” you beg of him and his body goes rigid at your request.

His eyes snap open and he watches you lean in slowly. He holds his breath, swallowing thickly when you press your forehead to his.

Fat, salty tears roll down his cheeks when your stomach presses against his arms.

You take a sharp breath between your teeth and it echoes through him like he’s a vast canyon.

Jeongguk can feel his hands sweating and he wants to hold you so badly it’s almost ripping him apart. But he keeps true to your request, locking his joints in place.

“Okay,” you breathe nervously, closing your eyes.

Your lips move ever so slowly towards his and he squeezes his eyes shut.

When he feels the soft petals of your lips against his, his whole body relaxes and he sobs weakly against you.

He doesn’t kiss back, he just allows you to do what you please -- to take what you need.

Your small hand wraps around his wrist and it dangles limp within your grasp.

“Baby,” Guk sobs softly as you pull away.

You don’t reply, you just lay his hand softly on your stomach and turn onto your back.

His sobs crack with the sheer amount of pain and relief in his throat. He can barely hold himself together and when a tiny patter makes itself known under his hand, he begins to wail.

You squeeze your eyes shut, covering your face with your hands and even though this is so painful -- it’s so healing.

“T-Thank you,” your husband cries, burying his face into the throw pillow he holds so tightly to himself.

“Love you,” you whimper, turning your head and staring at the closed windows.

He nods childishly, running his hand over your growing stomach.

“I love you too, baby. So much.” he gasps, feeling his heart begin to bleed again.

Jeongguk doesn’t even give Namjoon a chance to sit down. He starts speaking the minute he steps foot into the therapy office. “She kissed me.”

Dr. Kim grabs the arms of his chair, slowly sitting down and raising an eyebrow. “Jeongguk, that’s amazing.”

Your husband doesn’t even sit down. He feels like he’s floating on air and he wants to keep it that way. He paces back and forth behind the long couch, pocketing his hands deep into his pants.

“She’s making so much progress so quickly! I’m so proud of her!” Guk whines, lolling his head back.

The therapist writes something down on his clipboard, looking up at your happy life partner. “Would you like to talk about how this happened?” he asks with a small smile.

Jeongguk is like an excited puppy, rounding the couch and throwing himself down on it immediately. “Well, I did exactly as you said. I stayed in the nursery with her for a while and I was talking and she talked back!”

Namjoon hums thoughtfully, scratching his nails to the fabric of his chair. “Did she say anything important? Anything that would help us delve deeper into what happened to her?”

The happiness starts to bleed out of your husband as he replays your words from last night through his head. “Y-Yeah. She said she thought she was going to die and she was so afraid that she would never see me again.” he bleats, looking down at his shoes.

Dr. Kim nods, setting aside the clipboard and folding his hands. “That must have hurt.”

Guk can’t help the frown that spreads over his features. “Yeah, it did hurt. I asked her if they hurt her and if that’s why she won’t let me touch her but she didn’t give me an answer.”

There’s silence again and Jeongguk finds it just as uncomfortable as all the other times before this.

“She’s definitely still learning to cope and she’s almost certainly healing little by little. Did you do anything else with her?” Dr. Kim inquires.

“We ate dinner together and… God, Doctor Kim, you had to see her. She was eating so slowly like it was her last meal or something.” your husband bleats.

Namjoon nods understandingly. “She might not have been given a lot of food when she was taken. It’s good that she eats slowly.”

Jeongguk didn’t even think of that… he feels like an asshole now.

“And what about last night? Did she sleep in bed with you?”

Oh, but that question brings back the excitement.

“Yes! She laid next to me in bed and-and she asked me not to move. So I didn’t but she leaned in really close and kissed me for the first time in… forever. She also took my hand and put it on her belly and I felt the baby move.”

Namjoon purses his lips impressed. “Well, that’s amazing. Maybe we should think about bringing Y/N to a session maybe next week. What do you think about that?”

Your husband nods almost instantaneously. “Anything that I can do for an exercise to help her?”

The therapist narrows his eyes thoughtfully. “Try to just talk to her some more? Next week, if she wants to come for a session then maybe we can work on her being okay with some simple touches.”

Jeongguk nods, a surge of hopefulness fleeting through him. "Okay!"

The flowers and plants in the backyard have been doused and seemingly flooded by the constant rain.

It's killing your tomatoes and you can only scoff as the rain continues to batter down outside.

"Do you see this?" you gawk to your husband, tapping your nail against the glass door to the back patio.

Your husband turns away from the television to look at the downpour outside.

"I know, it won't stop. How am I supposed to go survey the land for the new Seoul project if there's flooding everywhere?" he gripes, setting down his beer.

"Uh. Yeah. But my tomatoes!" you whine, turning to him with a pout.

He can only smile at your pouty face, standing up off the couch and opening his arms for you.

"I'll get you new plants if these are damaged. You know that, baby." he coos.

You hum in agreement, wrapping your arms around him and tugging him tightly to your body. "But then I'm gonna have to start all over again. Amena and Allegra have been growing for a year already."

Jeongguk can only snort, running his hand over your head in the most soothing of ways. "You named our tomato plants?" he quips.

"Yeah! They're like my children! I water them everyday, I talk to them so they become big and strong, I love them." you retort, running your hands underneath his white tank top.

"God, I need to get you pregnant already. I think you're going crazy." he jeers.

You snort, placing your temple to his chest and feeling his even, strong heartbeat that's become the song of your life.

"I hope I don't get my period this month." you breathe, closing your eyes.

He smiles, placing his chin atop your head as he stares at the torrential rain outside. "Me too, baby. Me too."

Jeongguk has become a master at the staring game.

He stares at you every second he possibly can in hopes that he can memorize every single thing about you.

But tonight, he just lets everything go.

He stares up at the ceiling instead of grabbing a pillow and pressing it to his chest. He watches the shadow of tree limbs dance across the moonlit ceiling and it shrouds him in ethereal comfort.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees you enter the bedroom. While you do make yourself small, he can see your hands pressed up underneath your belly almost as if you need the support.

You're slow to climb into bed and he moves the throw pillow out of your way without a single word.

You've done really well today, you held eye contact with him many times and you even answered a few of his questions.

He has faith, now more than ever, that things can go back to the way they were.

"Baby?" he inquires softly.

You grab his hand and place it on your belly without a word.

Turning your head to him, he knows you're listening even if you don't speak.

"Will you come with me for a therapy session next week? Doctor Kim thinks it would be a good idea." your husband asks, tracing the outlines of the warped branches on the ceiling.

"Yes. I want to heal." you whisper and he gives a small smile at your words.

"I think you're doing better and better everyday." he announces, running his thumb over your distended belly.

You shiver at the movement but you don't push him off.

Leaning over to the nightstand, you grab the lotion that hasn't been used in months but Jeongguk can already smell the telltale scent that is purely yours.

You hold it out, looking at your husband with doe-like eyes and he can only smile.

He sits up with a giddiness that has his limbs trembling with excitement.

"If you don't like it, tell me, I'll stop right away." he promises, pushing the comforter off the both of you.

You take a sharp breath at his closeness, looking up at the ceiling to calm your erratic heart.

He lifts his long t-shirt that you wear for sleeping and he can feel his eyes burning at the sight of you.

Tying his hair up in a ponytail, he can see how taut your belly is -- how well his little girl is growing inside of you.

"Oh my babies," he coos gently.

He bends down, keeping his eyes on your face. His lips pepper small, open mouthed kisses to your taut skin and you wriggle beneath him.

You don't want to push him away but you haven't been loved like this in so long -- it makes you nervous.

You squeak gently when he kisses your belly button. His hands are so warm at the bottom of your bump and you shiver.

"Too much? Am I doing something wrong?" he asks softly, watching your hands bunch up the sheets.

"N-No," you gasp, squeezing your eyes shut.

There's a layer of sweat that begins to build on your scalp and you know it's because of the nerves.

"You're so beautiful, baby. Thank you for carrying our daughter." Guk breathes.

He pulls away from your stomach, you've done really well so far letting him kiss you like this without flinching away from him.

He squeezes some lotion into his hand, hoping to warm it just a bit before spreading it out onto your skin.

You wince at the still cool lotion and your limbs tense up when his hands glide effortlessly over your bump.

It's terrifying to be touched but knowing that it's Guk -- the only man you've only ever known or loved makes it just a bit easier.

"Wonderful, you're doing wonderfully babe." he promises, dutifully lotioning your belly.

You look so motherly below him, like an angel of fertility and he can't stop the tears that obscure his vision.

When he sniffles, your eyes snap to his and you can see the sheer amount of adoration he holds behind the windows to his soul.

"I love you," he breathes, running his hands over your sides.

Swallowing thickly, your hands, as shaky and terrified as they are, cup his face. Your thumbs swipe away his tears and he can only sob more at the feeling.

His slick with lotion hands, wrap around your wrists and delicately he presses kisses into your palms.

"You're home with me now. I'm never going to let anything terrible happen again. I'm going to make sure you're safe. I swear. I promise," he gasps out against your soft skin.

You can barely contain the sob within your own throat but you nod childishly at his words.

He covers his face with your hands, crying loudly into the cover you've given him.

"I love you, too." you promise quietly.

His eyes flutter shut and he can only give your hands more kisses until his tear ducts have no more salty tears to shed.

"You're so beautiful and so precious to me. I love you so much." he bleats, letting your hands go.

He continues his work in silence apart from sniffles and rubbing his red cheeks onto his bare shoulders. His fingers are gentle against your tummy and you know he needs this.

He needs this connection with your daughter because it's been so sorely missed. You had her and only her when you were taken away but Jeongguk had nothing.

He had nothing but heartache and waiting.

When he's finally finished, he sets the lotion back on the table before throwing himself down beside you.

"I miss holding you," he chirps, reaching for the throw pillow to hug.

You bury your terror deep down inside, moving closer and closer to him until your stomach is pressed up against his.

You both collectively shudder at the touch but when his arms wrap around you and you smell the familiar scent that is purely his… you find yourself relaxing even in the slightest.

"Thank you," he gasps, running his hands over your back.

His face buries into your hair and you can only give a meek nod.

"Oh fuck, this feels good." he whispers, closing his eyes.

Your husband holds the door open for you and you shuffle slowly into the therapy office.

Jeongguk didn't know how difficult it would be for you to go outside but when he put his hand in yours, it helped in ways he could never imagine.

"Hi Y/N, it's so nice to meet you," Dr. Kim greets sweetly.

You give a small smile, sitting on the far end of the couch and tucking your legs beneath you as if to make yourself miniscule.

Namjoon looks you over before nodding to himself. He puts the clipboard down and watches your husband take a seat at the other end.

"Jeongguk has been telling me about all the amazing progress you've been making." Namjoon informs you.

Guk takes in the therapist then. He's soft and sweet with you but not so soft that he'd be talking to a child or someone young. He's had to do this quite a few times, he surmises.

"You don't have to talk if you don't want to. This is a safe space to just be," the therapist looks pointedly at Jeongguk, giving him a soft smile, "how has your progress been this week?"

Your husband smiles at the question. "She's doing so great. She let me put lotion on her belly and she slept in my arms all night long last night, didn't you baby?" he gushes, looking over at you.

You nod, looking over at him and giving him a small smile.

"Well that's great. It seems a lot of progress has been made. Y/N, did you know that when your husband first came here he didn't talk at all for the first month?" Namjoon inquires, pointing his pen at your significant other.

"No," you murmur curiously, staring at the handsome blonde man you adore.

Dr. Kim appreciates hearing your voice even if it's soft and short.

"Well, I didn't want to talk a lot because I felt foolish." Guk admits it easily.

You pick your head up fully then, giving your attention to him.

"Why is that, Jeongguk?" Namjoon inquires.

Your husband clears his throat awkwardly, looking down at his wedding ring and widening his eyes. "I felt like a failure… Cowardly, too. My wife was missing for months and I did my own search in finding her and came up with nothing. Then, the police -- they were all brazen assholes that even when they found Y/N they just threw her into my care without any extra help or reasoning behind anything… She was afraid and I-I felt guilty."

You swallow thickly, leaning across the couch and wrapping both of your arms around his right bicep.

He does what's always been normal to him, kissing the top of your head.

Namjoon watches as you shiver but don't pull away and he hums in agreement.

"Why did you feel guilty?" he prods, crossing his legs.

"Well… I'm her husband and I let such a terrible thing happen to her. I'm supposed to keep her safe and I-I fa-failed. Then when she came back to me, she was so frightened and I was at such a loss of what to do, it… it ripped me apart inside."

Namjoon can hear your small gasp even if your husband doesn't and he nods understandingly. "Y/N, do you have anything you want to say about that?"

You hug Guk tighter to your body and his eyes squeeze shut. "It's not your fault. It's no one's fault." you bleat sheepishly.

Dr. Kim nods astutely, leaning forward until his elbows are on his knees and his hands are intertwined beneath his chin. "Nobody in this room is at fault for what happened. There are terrible people in this world that sometimes make horrible choices and it affects others."

Then there's silence for a second and you watch Jeongguk spin his wedding band around on his fourth finger.

He only ever does this when he's deep in thought. On instinct you reach over and press your lips to his cheek and his hand comes up to cup the side of your face sweetly.

"Y/N, do you still feel the need to flinch away or scream?" Dr. Kim asks and you can feel your face paling in color.

Your eyebrows furrow and you hug Guk tighter to yourself.

He looks over at you and you can see the pleading in his eyes -- he needs you to talk about this, he needs to understand.

"Yes," you chirp, looking down at the knees of your leggings.

"Why?"

What a simple question.

Why?

Jeongguk coddles you to his body and he watches as your pupils shake back and forth. This is when you're deep in thought.

He closes his eyes and he knows that you probably won't answer, you aren't comfortable with this man.

"Because they used to hit me." you breathe, closing your eyes.

Guk takes a sharp breath between his teeth, turning his face away from you as his jaw clenched tightly.

"Did they know you were pregnant?" Dr. Kim asks, picking up his clipboard.

You shake your head and your husband can feel your hair whipping around at your answer.

"Did you tell them that?" Namjoon asks, pushing the bridge of his glasses up with his middle finger.

"Yes, then they stopped." you reply.

"Fucking pieces of sh-"

"Jeongguk. For Y/N's sake, we're not going to get angry here. We're going to just listen and understand." the therapist cuts him off quickly.

Squeezing his fist tightly, he brings it to his forehead before nodding weakly.

He doesn't want to scare away your progress but this ball of hatred within him grows tense and feels more like fire with every passing second.

"What did they want with you? Why were you taken? Do you know?"

Your teeth nibble at the inside of your cheek and you can feel the sensitive flesh becoming raw and cut up with every worrying clench.

"It's okay if you want to wait to spea-"

"I don't." you squeak quickly.

Namjoon nods, leaning back in his chair and extending a hand for you to speak when you wish.

"They were doing drug stuff." you blurt, finding it kind of relieving to speak about it.

"Oh? And did they make you do drugs?" Dr. Kim asks.

Jeongguk scoffs so loudly that it makes you cower but he's quick to apologize profusely and kiss the top of your head repeatedly. "Baby, no. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, baby girl."

"Jeongguk." Namjoon chastises softly and your husband holds up his hands apologetically.

"They didn't make me do drug stuff. I bagged up drugs… I think it was cocaine or something but I'm not sure… I don't do drugs." you announce, squeezing your husband's arm sweetly.

The therapist watches how your legs tug out from underneath you and slowly plant onto the carpeted floor. He doesn't speak, he waits for you to.

"My ankle was chained to some type of radiator. The metal got warm at night so… that's how I knew. I wasn't allowed to speak and they conditioned me to it. So I didn't or… couldn't tell them I was pregnant. But one of them, Taehyung, noticed after a few months. I can remember them fighting about it or yelling about it for a while."

Jeongguk watches how you stare off into space and he wants to pull you away from those memories and shield you so badly but you need this. You need to speak about it to get over it.

"So one day when everyone was out to lunch, Taehyung asked me if I was pregnant and I said yes. I don't think he liked keeping me there in that state and he kept rambling on about two mouths would be worse than just one. So he told me he was going to kill me and put an end to my misery. And I thought that would be best."

Guk squeezes his eyes shut, biting down on his lip to the point that it might draw blood but then you begin to speak again.

"I was waiting and waiting to die but it never came and then at night, a bag was put over my head and I was knocked out. Then I woke up on the Expressway six months after I was taken." you state, looking down at your husband's wedding band.

Jeongguk shudders and he takes a deep, calming breath through his nose.

"Thank you for telling us, Y/N. I know this certainly can't be easy to relive. But now that it's out in the open, we can work on rebuilding your relationship with Jeongguk. How does that sound?"

You nod immediately, looking up at the blond haired man you adore.

Namjoon gives a small smile, putting his clipboard aside.

"I think the next exercise you should do as a couple is to continue to heal together. Whether that be physical or talking. It's important to get back to the patterns you had before this."

"Physical?" Jeongguk echoes, tilting his head.

The therapist takes off his glasses, cleaning them with the hem of his sweater vest. "Sexual intercourse is healing, Jeongguk."

Your husband blushes a furious pink that radiates to the tips of his ears.

"That doesn't mean you have to rush home and try it. You should build up to it. Allow things to become comfortable again between the both of you. You can only start to heal when you allow yourselves."

That resonates deep within you and you find yourself yearning for comfort after so long.

You want to be back to your full self, even if it would take a day or a year to get there.

"That was great babe, you did amazing. I'm really proud of you," Jeongguk gushes when you both finally get home.

The small smile you give him has his heart melting with love and he holds back the biggest urge to throw his arm over your shoulders.

You know that this must be torment for your husband and the guilt within you is constantly growing.

When you walk into the kitchen, it piques Guk's curiosity. He watches as you rifle through the cabinets and fridge with nosy eyes.

His elbows lean down on the kitchen island and his hands come up below his chin to investigate.

"Whatcha doin', baby?" he chirps, watching you grab a carton of eggs.

"Cooking." you reply softly, setting ingredients down on the counter.

"Wait, really?!" he gasps, standing up straight and widening his eyes.

"Take out food is bad for you," you whisper, tying your hair up.

"No, but… baby, you must be tired. You don't have to cook. I can cook." he says quickly, rounding the island to be beside you.

He towers over you and the sweet smell of his cologne puts you at ease even if he's just a touch too close.

"You don't know how to cook," you remind him, flipping open the rice cooker.

He scoffs, widening his eyes playfully. "Yes I do! Why would you offend me like that?"

You giggle gently, a simple reflex and the both of you freeze.

Wow, you haven't laughed in… ages. It feels so good to laugh.

Guk swallows thickly, hoping that this isn't the straw that breaks the camel's back.

Your laugh is so pretty, prettier than most things in this universe and his stomach does flips at the simple noise.

Your cheeks even hurt from the smile you produced, those muscles haven't been used in forever.

Jeongguk waits patiently to see if you'll be the one to speak up and he's grateful when you do.

"I'm sure that you remember the fried chicken," you offer, grabbing the bag of rice from the bottom cabinet.

"Okay!" he groans, "how was I supposed to know the oil was too hot? In what universe do things immediately char when put into hot oil?"

"This one," you quip softly, smiling to yourself as you add water to the cooker.

His arms wrap around your belly, caging you into his grip and you're so distracted with the fun memories that you feel no discomfort at all.

This is natural.

This is good.

Feels damn good, too.

"I've made other food that's been tasty." he counters, kissing over the back of your neck with soft, sweet lips.

You shiver at the feeling, letting your eyes flutter closed.

It's so natural to tease your handsome husband and on instinct you do so with a playful tone.

"The galbi, the egg fried rice, the hamburgers, the pizza, the sweet and sou-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah alright." he murmurs, chuckling into your ear.

You hum sweetly, shutting off the water and letting your body get comfortable with the familiar arms around you.

Of course this isn't easy, it isn't easy to try and force the terror that is constantly awake inside of you away. But because it's Guk, your husband who you love more than anything, it makes it just a little bit easier.

"What're you making for dinner anyway?" he inquires, kissing the crown of your head repeatedly.

With each kiss, his pectoral muscles ripple against you and you've forgotten what it's like to appreciate your god of a man. Before you were taken, you worshipped his body like he was a god. And you think that's been sorely missing for him as well.

"Egg fried rice." you reply, turning around to him.

He takes a sharp breath between his teeth at the sight of you so close to him. Taking a step back, he doesn't want to make you uncomfortable but your hands reach up to his hips and still him.

"Just stay," you whisper, watching his eyes become glassy.

Cupping his cheeks with your hands, you smile up at him gently.

His eyes flutter shut and he's in such incredible peace.

"Kiss me, please." you ask of your husband.

His eyes spring open and he hums with uncertainty.

"Are you sure, baby? I don't want to rush our progress. I don't want to scare you." he coos, running his hands over your belly.

"Kiss me." you repeat.

When he bends down, your breath hitches and your nervousness grows with each second. His large body seems to drape over you like a shadow and your heart begins to hammer with fear.

You want to scream out in this second, cower away from him and everything the world has to offer.

But then his lips press to yours. He's soft and gentle, letting the petals of his lips caress yours with such love and adoration. That fear -- that anxiousness is gone as quickly as it came.

The smell of his cologne breeches your senses while you kiss, it echoes and spreads through your limbs like a forest fire.

Jeongguk cups your cheeks with his hands, wiping away tears that you haven't even noticed have breached past your eyelids.

"Oh my baby," he gasps, pulling away and pressing his forehead to yours.

"Thank you," you whimper, hugging him as tightly as you can to your body with the obstacle of his growing daughter in the way.

There's something about you on early school day mornings. Maybe you just look better in the chilly air or maybe your presence just warms Jeongguk to the point of comfort.

"Morning loser!" he jeers, fumbling with his tie.

"Oh, I'm the loser, am I?" you quip, leaning back against the large cherry blossom tree beyond the gates to your high school.

"You're our loser," Jimin teases, walking past the both of you with his textbooks pressed tightly to his chest.

Flipping your other friend the middle finger, you blow a bubble in your gum. You watch as Jeongguk continues to fumble with his tie, earning creases and wrinkles in the fabric.

"Oh lord, it's like watching a 'how to fail at life' video." you roll your eyes, grabbing the lapels of his school uniform jacket and shoving him up against the tree.

He sneers at you, widening his pretty mocha eyes and you can only snort in response.

"My dad didn't teach me how to do this before he went away for his job." he gripes, gripping the bottom ends of the tie in his fists and furrowing his eyebrows.

You take pity on him then, watching his annoyance truly bubble to the surface.

"Here," you breathe, smacking his hands away from the tie playfully.

You start to tie his tie properly, blowing a large bubble that he pops easily with the tip of his finger.

"First day of the new school year, this should be fun." he says, pushing some hair back behind your ear.

You shiver at his touch, lowering your head as your skin begins to heat up with embarrassment.

"Oh God, just kiss her already. Gross!" Jimin calls you both.

Your eyes snap to one another and Guk lets out a playful chuckle. "She doesn't know what's good for her!" he teases, winking down at you.

You grumble your protestations quietly, tying the tie so tightly that he coughs loudly.

"God," he groans, moving the neck until he's comfortable.

"I do know what's good for me!" you bite back, slinging your backpack over your shoulder.

"Oh yeah?" Guk quips, walking after you, "Then kiss me."

His large eyes are devious and his eyebrow juts up with playful intentions.

"You can't do it, can you? You can't just-"

You press your lips to his roughly, not knowing how to kiss since this is your first time. His large hand cups the back of your head immediately, sighing gently against your lips. It's messy and there's a lot of teeth but your heart thrums knowing Guk is your first.

When you pull away, you want to flee almost immediately but Jeongguk doesn't give you the time. His arm wraps around your shoulders and his smile is so large and giddy that it could rival the sun with its brightness.

"So you like me, huh?" he quips, running his thumb over your red, raw lips.

"Shut up!" you hiss, pulling his tie towards school.

Jeongguk groans loudly when he climbs into bed. He turned the heat up all the way but there's still a chill in the air that makes him tug the comforter over his bare chest quickly.

He can only smirk when you step into the doorway in only his t-shirt.

"You're getting so big that your belly enters a room first, y'know," he quips.

You snort softly, a noise that used to be common but it's the first one in months.

"Dinner was delicious, I missed your cooking so much." your husband breathes, hooking both of his hands behind his head.

"You didn't cook at all?" you inquire gently, climbing into bed beside him.

He turns his head lazily to you, raising an eyebrow. "You think I could cook for myself when I was so worried? I can't cook to begin with."

"Oh, so you admit it then." you sigh, placing a throw pillow beneath your bump and turning to him.

He laughs, crinkling the corners of his eyes cutely.

The moonlight casts a bluish glow over his face and arms and you can't help but begin to lose yourself in his handsome features.

His breath starts to catch in his throat when he looks at you, your eyes are speaking thousands of words of ardor and he can't help the tug of his heart at the sight.

"Doctor Kim said we have to have sex," you bleat.

"We don't have to do anything, baby. If you aren't comfortable, then we aren't doing it." Guk deadpans, running his hand over your belly.

When the light hits his irises just right, the beautiful mocha color seems to burnish holes into your skin.

His hand cups your cheek and your eyes squeeze shut at the soft warmth.

You don't know what you're ready for in all honesty.

You don't know what you need if it isn't Jeongguk.

And you want to try at least something to feel closer to him.

"I-I want to try something," you whisper uneasily.

Your husband leans up on his elbow, looking at you with curiosity written all over his handsome face.

He looks you over, pushing the comforter off of his ever heating body and your eyes fall straight to his torso. His abs are thick and noticeable, the muscles flex and ripple with each deep breath he takes and you find yourself heating up at the sight.

The black ink of his tattoos litters his body in all the right spots and all you can think about is how much you've missed him.

"What do you want to try, baby girl?" he coos, running his hand through his long blonde hair.

"Well if you stay still… maybe I can…" you can't even find the words, your throat tightens up and you feel completely lost at what to do.

Before you were taken it was so easy to fall into bed with your husband and now it's like you're grasping for straws.

Jeongguk hitches up the leg of his briefs, raising an eyebrow. "If you're really serious about it then take what you need."

"That's selfish," you mutter, looking down as his thick thigh muscles twitch suggestively.

"Hey, hey, hey," he coos, tilting your face up with his index finger, "you need to feel comfortable again. You have my patience, my love, my heart, anything and everything. You take everything you want and need from me without guilt. I'm your husband, there's no way I could be selfish with you."

He's always been this way with you, ever since middle school. Jeongguk has always given you more than you give him and that selfless nature of his always has your heart bleeding in ways you may never understand.

You lean in slowly, your breath hitching at the closeness of him and his eyes flutter shut in anticipation.

"Take everything," he reminds you, running his fingertips over your stomach softly.

Guk can't help the mewl that escapes his throat when your lips press to his. He lets you take the lead, keeping his hands to himself politely.

Your kisses are slow and nervous but Jeongguk appreciates them all the same.

"Don't be nervous, baby. I'm right here. You're safe." he promises, pulling away for air.

You don't want this pressing anxiousness, you just want to be normal again. That's all you want.

Your hand shakes when you wrap your hand around his wrist.

"Mmm, that's it. Guide me, babe. Show me where you want me." your husband breathes out, kissing over your jaw with gentle pecks.

"Uh…" you chirp, settling his hand between your thighs.

He hums sensually, letting the heat from his digits warm your soft, cool skin. "So pretty," he purrs.

You gasp loudly when he cups your sex and his eyes are immediately on yours.

"Just relax, baby girl. If you don't like it or you aren't comfortable just tell me. I'll stop right away, okay?" he promises, kissing your lips ever so gently.

You give a meek nod, whimpering when his digits drift over the seat of your panties.

"Baby girl likes it. You're wet already." he breathes, inching his body closer to you.

He can feel the stickiness of your panties and his hips rut into the air at the feeling.

Jeongguk has been so depraved of everything besides the overwhelming feelings of guilt and loneliness he feels deep down inside.

He parts your folds through the sodden fabric, immediately connecting the pad of his thumb to your swollen clit.

"How's that, baby? You like that?" he gasps, watching you writhe under his sweet touch.

You mewl softly, squeezing your eyes shut and nodding.

There's this nervous pit within you that seems to be diminishing by the second. Every deep breath your husband takes and every word of praise that drips from his lips lulls you deeper into his comfort.

"Can I take your panties off?" he inquires sweetly, hooking his fingers into the sides.

Your hips lift within a word and he peels your underwear away at a deathly slow pace.

Your arousal is messy and stringy, breaking away from the soaked fabric to cling to your pussy lips and thighs.

Jeongguk groans wantonly, tossing the fabric away in a fury.

You've both only ever known each other's bodies. You lost your virginities together, you've both only loved each other so much that every part of your bodies is solely for the other.

Even if Guk hasn't had you in months, it's a muscle memory remembering how you like to be pleased.

"You're soaking wet, baby." he gasps, running his fingers over your puffy lower lips.

"P-Please," you whimper childishly, spreading your legs.

The wanton groan that rips from your husband is animalistic and needy at best but it pushes all your fears away in that moment.

"What're you begging for, hmm?" he coos, kissing over your neck.

"I don't know," you laugh, turning your head to him.

His smile is heartbreakingly gorgeous and he kisses you with the intensity to rival a thousand men. If this was any other time you would have pulled away but the arousal that's searingly hot and coursing through you only wants more.

You moan into the kiss, earning a gentle whine from the man you love.

"Is this what you want?" he quips, thrusting two fingers deep inside you.

Your stunted moan is loud and your chest heaves at the fullness you feel.

It's always amazing how he fills you up without even trying.

"Fuck, your pretty cunt is so tight." he groans, curling his fingers expertly to the sensitive bundle of nerves within you.

"G-Gukkie!" you whimper, placing your hand on your growing stomach.

"Feels good, baby? You like it?" he asks sweetly, placing his free hand atop yours on your belly.

You give a meek nod, mouth dropping open when he starts to pump his fingers in and out of you at a snail's pace.

"You're so beautiful," Guk breathes, pressing his thumb back to your swollen clit.

He rubs loving, smooth circles to the nub, praising you when your moans reach a loud pitch.

"Jeongguk!"

"That's not what you call me in bed, baby. You know better. Come on," your husband goads, lifting his long t-shirt to look at your stomach.

"Daddy," you preen softly and he smirks at your sweet tone.

"Good girl, there it is."

His fingers fuck into you faster and your hands can't stop raking over the taut muscles of his stomach.

Jeongguk feels like he doesn't have a second to waste. He wants to please you in every way and show you how much you've been sorely missed.

"What am I going to do with you? You're too gorgeous to be in my bed." he groans, pressing his lips to the swell of your stomach.

Your hips wriggle for more and he pulls out altogether. Adjusting the painfully hard erection beneath his boxers, he lays down on the bed.

"Come take everything from me, baby," he announces, opening his arms.

You feel so empty, so needy and bothered that you immediately heed his command.

Whimpering softly, your legs part over his thick thigh and he gives a warm smile up at you.

"You're so beautiful," he avows, running his hands over your sides.

His thigh is smooth and rigid beneath you. You emit a whimper throughout the quiet room as you begin to rut yourself against his muscles.

"God, you're so wet. My thigh is soaked. Fuck." Guk curses, moving your hips faster.

Looking down into his eyes, they're drunk with adoration and lust.

You're too grateful to feel so peaceful and calm in this moment. You can think of nothing else besides the man beneath you.

"Daddy, I-"

He hums in agreement, tucking his bottom lip tightly between his teeth.

He can only look at your body with wonder. You're so perfect and you always have been. You've always been a dream to him and he's so happy you can be back here in his arms.

Pushing the shirt up higher, his hands graze over your large stomach and he whines softly.

"You look so amazing carrying our daughter." he praises.

His thigh muscles flex tightly for you and your hands scramble to press against his chest at the feeling.

The pressure is so intense and so amazing, you can only babble meaningless words and sounds.

Your head lolls back and your nails scratch against his golden honey skin when the bubble inside you begins to expand.

It's been so long since you've felt this kind of relief that it's approaching at a rapid pace.

"Does it feel good, baby girl? You wanna cum for me?" your husband asks, drifting his hands over your bump.

"Yes," you squeak, allowing him to intertwine your hands together.

"Yes what?" he quips, looking down at his soaked thigh.

"Yes, daddy." you breathe, letting your head loll back.

"Good girl, I bet you're real close, hmm? Just let go, baby. Take what you need."

His hands on your skin are so gentle and sweet that it's easy to fall over the edge with someone to catch you so earnestly.

"I can feel your clit throbbing, shit," your husband whines, running his fingers through his hair.

There's a moment when everything goes still. It's just you, your husband and your deep seated pleasure. You can only begin to relish in it when time starts up again.

"Daddy! Cumming!" you gasp, squeezing your eyes shut.

"Look at me when you cum, I want to see your pretty face."

Your eyes snap open on his command and suddenly that bubble inside you bursts.

The pleasure is so intense and so mind shattering that you can only make small gasps and whines as it courses through you.

Your hips rock slowly and your brain short circuits at the explosive feeling.

"Gukkie!" you cry out softly and when your body begins to rack gently, he sits up in a flash to coddle you.

"You're okay, I'm right here. You're safe, baby." he avows, running his hand over the back of your head.

Your chest feels tight and you hug him so closely that there isn't any room for anything else.

"Are you okay? Do you want me to get you water?" he inquires sweetly, kissing your temple.

"Don't leave me." you beg, laying your head down on his shoulder.

"I would never dream of it, baby." he whispers, rocking you slowly in his arms.

Your eyes flutter shut and the small pattern of irregular shapes that your husband draws on your skin calms your heart right away.

"Felt good, huh?" he chuckles, combing his fingers through your hair.

Your nod is childish and sweet, earning a bright smile from the man before you. "I love you, y'know?"

"I love you, too." you whisper, laying down beside him as he falls back.

He looks down at his soaked thigh with a wry smile. "I still get you flooding like a river."

"You're still cocky," you sigh, burying your face into his shoulder.

He laughs loudly, wrinkling his nose. Turning to you, his thumb drifts over the apple of your cheek and he can find no greater peace than this.

"Are you comfortable? Do you need anything?" he inquires.

You shake your head softly, getting comfortable beside him. "Just you."

Wow.

Those words shoot straight to his heart and he feels like he's falling in love all over again.

"Are you in pain, should I help you?" you murmur tiredly.

Clicking his teeth, he kisses your forehead. "I'm never in pain when I'm with you. You should know that by now."

"I didn't feel scared at all. It was really nice," you bleat, feeling your head get heavier on his body.

"I'll show you that you don't have to be nervous or scared anymore. I promise," he whispers, smirking when your lips part in your unconscious state.

You're still quiet when you speak but at least you're speaking.

Guk is over the moon with how close you let him get. He can hug you and kiss you now without feeling your body tense up so tightly.

On one hand he feels guiltier, if he would have just talked to Dr. Kim from the start, maybe your healing process would have begun months before this. On the other hand, just seeing you heal is worth its weight in gold.

"So… progress? Do we want to touch on that?" Namjoon inquires, giving a smile when you sit beside your husband and not at the end of the couch.

"We got closer this week than we ever have yet." Jeongguk tells him, letting his arm go lax so you can wrap your hands around his bicep.

Namjoon's eyes widen and he nods pleasantly. "I see. How was that for you, Y/N?"

You hum softly, watching as your husband spins his wedding band. "It felt good to just relax and not be scared."

"Ah, I see. So it pushed away everything you were nervous about?"

You nod pleasantly, looking up at Jeongguk who gives you a wink in reply.

"I was really nervous at first and my heart felt like it was going to explode but then after a while it kind of melted away," you squeak, feeling your neck and ears heat up out of embarrassment.

"That's really good. It's healthy. Not many people c-"

"But I felt guilty," you chirp, cutting off the therapist.

Dr. Kim narrows his eyes at you curiously and so does your husband.

Namjoon's hands politely fold and he tilts his head when you try to make yourself smaller.

"Why, baby?" your husband pouts, running his hand over the back of your head.

"Well I didn't do anything for you." you bleat, looking down at the sunflowers that make up the bottom of your dress.

Guk frowns deeply, drifting his thumb over the base of your neck. "Baby, you know I don't care about that."

Namjoon takes off his glasses, cleaning them with the hem of his shirt as he takes in your interaction. "So, Y/N, you felt guilty that you couldn't please your husband like he pleased you? Is that right?"

Your nod is miniscule but he does catch it when he puts his glasses back on.

"I see. Well that's quite good in a way, isn't it? It means that you love your husband so much that when you can't give back everything he gives to you it makes you feel as if you've been selfish."

"I've always felt that way. Jeongguk always gives me everything and I feel like I never do nearly enough for him in return." you gasp, accepting your husband's hand when he intertwines your fingers together.

"Babe," he murmurs, brushing a few stray hairs back behind your ear.

"It's natural to feel that way. It just goes to show how much you love him." Namjoon announces, crossing his legs.

Guk pushes the side of your head until you're leaning your temple against his shoulder. His lips glide over the crown of your head and you squeeze his hand tighter within your own.

"I'm going to give you an exercise this week, Y/N." Namjoon says, putting his clipboard aside.

You perk up at his voice, tilting your head curiously.

"Please Jeongguk how you think he should be pleased." the therapist says, folding his arms.

"I'm sorry," you whine to your newlywed husband.

He looks up from the end of the bed, running his soft hands over your calves.

"Don't be sorry, you can't help it." he coos sweetly, kissing over your exposed skin.

"I want to go out and play," you whine, looking out the bay windows of your hotel suite.

The sun is high in the sky and the palm trees sway in what you can only assume is a sweet, cool breeze.

Only on your honeymoon would you get jet lagged and sick.

Guk chuckles, crawling up the bed to lay beside you. "We have so much more time to enjoy Bali, it's okay. You just need to focus on getting better right now."

"But it looks so cool outside," you whine, turning to him with a pout.

He taps his index finger to the tip of your nose cutely. "Just relax, baby. You're not going anywhere until you feel better."

Taking the cold towel off your forehead, he dips it back into the warm water.

"You don't have to stay with me, you can go out and have fun," you suggest, closing your eyes.

"I have all the fun I need in this room. I have you." he whispers, smothering your cheek with kisses.

He lays the warm rag back onto your forehead and he can't help the love that blooms throughout his body when he looks down at you.

Sure, your face is a bit pale and peaky and yeah, your body is covered in a film of cold sweat but God, you still look like everything beautiful and perfect in this world.

"You're so sweet. I don't know how I ended up with someone as perfect as you," you murmur, letting the fresh sea air blow through the window over your body.

His smile is wide and loving, a billion sweet thoughts coursing through his head at all times.

"I think you're perfect. I've loved you since the moment I saw you." he breathes.

"Stop one up-ing me. It's not good for my mental health," you jeer, letting a small smirk grace your features.

Your husband chuckles, kissing the top of your head repeatedly. "No one could ever love you as much as I do."

"Now that I believe," you sigh happily, feeling your husband lay down in bed beside you.

"Just worry about getting better and then we can go play with dolphins."

"Dolphins. Okay, just dream of dolphins." you breathe blearily, accepting the tired state the medicine is putting you in.

Jeongguk gives a lopsided smirk, watching your head tilt towards him.

"Beautiful as always," he whispers, pressing his lips to yours.

Your husband was surprised to hear that you felt guilty in all honesty.

You've never voiced it in that way before.

"Do you think that you don't do enough for me?" he inquires curiously, setting down his chopsticks.

You look up from your food and suddenly the guilt is tripling and swirling around in your gut. "Yeah, sometimes." you whisper.

"Why?" he asks, picking up his plate and bringing it to the sink.

Staring up at the paintings above the dining room table, your head tilts. "Well, you've always been this big love bug and I'm not always like that. You're really selfless and I'm not."

He clicks his teeth softly, turning to you and crossing his arms. "I love you the way you are. I love everything about you… I always have."

"That's what I mean. That selflessness." you breathe, turning to him and giving him a small smile.

He chuckles sweetly, a sound that you adore more than anything in the universe.

When you stand, he quips an eyebrow.

Being kidnapped was terrifying, coming back was just as scary but not being able to show your husband how much he's adored and loved… well that's just as frightening.

Even though you still have this constant looming of nervousness that enraptures your being, it doesn't supercede the need to show love to your husband which you're grateful for.

"What is it?" your husband coos when you grip his wrist.

You don't reply, pulling him towards your bedroom silently.

"Baby?" he inquires, allowing you to take him to your room.

Closing the door behind you, you want to flee but you stand your ground, pushing against his chest until he's seated on the foot of the bed.

He stares up at you curiously, putting his hands behind him to balance himself.

"I love you," you avow.

"I love you too. Baby, what is it? Are you alright?" he asks curiously, tilting his head.

Your knees touch down on the soft carpet underfoot and his eyes widen.

"Wait, babe. It's okay. You don't have to-"

"I want to," you promise, cutting him off.

He takes in your doe-like gaze and he hums unsurely to himself.

"Come kneel on the bed if anything, I don't want your knees to get hurt." he breathes, pushing himself back to give you room.

See. He's too sweet and gentle to be unappreciated.

You take his advice, climbing onto the bed between his parted thighs.

Licking his lips slowly, his eyes watch you like a hawk.

"Y/N, we don't have to do this right n-" he groans softly, cutting off his words when you graze your hand along his soft cock.

His eyes squeeze shut and you're almost too quick at unbuttoning his jeans.

He lifts his hips, his pretty lips parting for air and his chest seems to tighten.

You're sure he's been aching since the other night when you fell asleep on him and the answer becomes known right away when you pull down his briefs.

He's already rock hard, the long, thick length seems to twitch and pulse for relief. The bulbous head is a maddening red and he seems so sensitive that even the soft graze against his heavy balls has him whining.

"G-God," he hisses, laying back.

You lick your lips, watching as precum begins to bead at the tip.

You've only ever had this man beneath you and God, you're lucky to have him.

"Take your shirt off," he begs, tugging at the hem.

You do as told, suddenly too concerned with pleasing him than to feel any sort of nervousness.

"Fuck, your tits are huge." he groans, palming your breasts softly.

Taking a sharp breath between your teeth, you can only whimper at his touch.

"Hurts?" he asks sweetly, pulling away.

"No, no. More. Feels good. They ache." you coo.

He tugs down the cups, widening his eyes at how different they look than what he's always been used to.

"Damn," he mumbles, sitting up.

"This is about you," you whine, palming his cock.

He moans so loudly that it ricochets through you and you can already feel your panties dampening.

Jeongguk is quick to tug off his shirt, giving you full view and access to his God-like body.

"Your nipples are so puffy." he bleats, running his thumbs over them.

"Jeongguk," you croon softly, trying to admonish him but it isn't coming out as such.

When your nipples begin to harden, small beads of milk start to gather at the tips and his eyes shoot up to yours.

"I want to taste," he growls, laying you down.

He isn't sure if it's because you look so motherly and so angelic or if it's something that he didn't even know would turn him on but the sight of your breasts leaking is sending him into an animalistic fury.

"I'm supposed to be making you feel good!" you gasp, feeling his lips drift over your clavicle.

"You always make me feel good," he murmurs, scoffing loudly when you begin to jerk his cock in hand.

His lips are warm and sweet against the swell of your breasts. You can feel the pufts of hot air he expels with each groan and scoff as he snaps his hips to your hand.

The tip of his tongue peeks out between the sweet pink petals of his lips and he looks up at you for confirmation.

Your smile is enough for him to continue and his hand presses to the distended side of your stomach as he makes his dissent.

Flicking the tip of your nipple with his tongue, your milk is sweet and enrapturing against his taste buds and he preens at the taste.

"Fuck, it's so sweet." he gasps, wrapping his lips around your stiff peaked bud.

You can only whine sweetly, carding your fingers through his hair when he suckles harder.

"D-Daddy! Oh!" you cry out, running your thumb around the head of his cock.

His precum is thick and sticky as you spread it around the head and he shivers against you.

You feel relief and intoxication when he continues to suckle. "Feels so good, the other one. Please."

He complies immediately, moving to your other breast and suckling.

"Oh fuck, baby. I want your mouth on me," he begs, letting your nipple go with a noisy pop.

It's easy to get back into this routine, shoving him down to have full access to his body.

Your tongue swirls around the bulbous head of his cock, picking up the thick, sticky precum he beads endlessly.

"Holy s-shit," he groans, moving your hair out of your face.

Gathering your hair into one fist, he runs his free hand along your cheek.

With every dip of your head, a string of curses greets your ears and you know how much he's enjoying himself.

"God! You've always been so good with your mouth. Fuck!" he curses, letting his head thump back to the pillow beneath him.

His cock begins to throb as you swallow around him and the hiss of pleasure he seethes through his teeth has your loins unfurling with sickly sweet wanting.

"W-Watch your stomach." he begs when you swallow him to the hilt.

Your nose brushes against his bare public bone and your husband is quick to wipe the tears off of your cheeks.

"My cock is too big for your pretty throat, huh? You're making a mess," he coos, drifting his thumb over your precum and spit covered chin.

You don't care how messy you look, you just want him to feel good because he deserves it. He deserves everything.

You begin to fuck his cock into your mouth faster and Jeongguk can only hiss and groan semblances of words.

"You- Ooh, fuck! You're so go-good at this. Shit!" he cries out, lifting his hips off the bed.

Whimpering gently as his cock begins to throb in your throat, you grip onto his thick thighs.

"You're gonna make me cum, Christ!" he moans, tugging on your hair.

With each dip of your head, his precum squirts onto the flat of your tongue and you're so lost in the world of pleasing your husband that you can't think of anything else.

"Off, get off. I want to cum on your belly." he gasps, pulling your hair.

With a noisy pop and a soaked chin, you let his cock fall free from your mouth.

You lay down at his command, running your fingers over his abs as he jerks his cock in hand.

"You look so fucking pretty with my baby inside you, I'm-I'm gonna cum all over this belly," he whines, his blonde hair falling into his eyes.

Tucking his bottom lip between his teeth, he gives a long groan. "Baby!"

Your thighs rub together for any and all friction you can find, staring up at the handsome man. His eyebrows knit and his mouth drops open into a silent scream.

Palming your leaking breast, he curses once more before ropes of his cum land on your distended stomach. "Fuck!"

He sits back on his heels, looking you over with lust drunk eyes and the goofy grin he gives you makes your heart hammer inside your chest.

"Damn," he breathes heavily, putting his hands on his hips, "you look so good covered in my cum."

You can't help but give a sweet giggle, letting your head loll back to the mattress.

Jeongguk takes in the silence and for the first time in a long time, he doesn't find it eerie.

"Are you aching?" he whispers, spreading your thighs.

You hum nonchalantly and when he looks down at your swollen cunt, he narrows his eyes at you. "Don't try to hide your need from me. I see your clit throbbing."

"This was about you," you offer, sitting up on your elbows.

"Don't care." he chides softly, wiping your stomach with his briefs.

His arms wrap around your thighs and your breath hitches in your throat when his head bows down.

The gentle kiss he gives to your swollen bundle of nerves has your hips lifting off the bed.

"You deserve to be pleased more than anyone in this universe," he coos, licking a flat strip up your sex.

"Guk!" you gasp, fisting your hands into his hair.

"Play nice," he jeers, attaching his perfect lips to your clit.

He suckles harshly, flicking his tongue back and forth until your chest has no more air to expel.

"You're so sensitive when you're pregnant," he breathes, entering two fingers into you slowly.

You whine his name, arching your back at the fullness you feel. His fingers curl perfectly inside of you and you can already feel your head swimming with pleasure.

You didn't register just how needy you were until this moment. You were too busy trying to please the man you adore.

"Daddy!" you whimper, letting go of his hair to fist the sheets in your hands.

He hums softly in agreement, slowly adding a third finger.

It's pent up wanting that floods through you at a blinding pace and your mind goes blank in an instant.

Jeongguk fucks his fingers into you faster, keeping his eyes plastered on your stomach which seems to get tighter and tighter by the second.

It's never taken him a long time to get you to your peak and it was and is something he's still constantly proud of.

"Oh my God!" you whine, throwing your head back.

When he hears your sobs of pleasure, he lifts the hood of your clit, taking his time to caress the throbbing bud with the tip of his tongue.

"I'm gonna cum. Daddy, pl-please let me." you beg, squeezing your eyes shut.

He hums in agreement, suckling harder until your legs are twitching and freezing in place.

The pads of his fingers flick against the velvet walls inside of you and suddenly your orgasm is blinding.

Your body racks with cries and your eyes well up with pleasured tears.

"You squirted for me, baby girl." Guk coos, pulling out of you and licking his fingers.

"Oh fuck," you gasp, putting your hand over your heart.

Your husband chuckles, inching up the bed until he's face to face with your stomach.

"Hi princess," he whispers to your daughter, running his hand over the soft, smooth skin.

It takes you a while to gather yourself after that explosive orgasm but hearing Jeongguk speak so sweetly to your daughter brings you back down to Earth.

"I really missed you, y'know," he avows, kissing your belly, "Daddy is gonna work really hard to make sure you and mommy are super safe and happy. Okay? Does that sound good?"

There's a tiny kick beneath his hand that has him chuckling in an instant. "Did you miss me too? We're all gonna heal together as a family. I'm going to spend the rest of my life making up for those months, alright?"

When he looks over at you and his hair falls into his large mocha eyes, you can only smile warmly.

"I love you," you breathe, feeling butterflies swirl around inside your stomach.

He smiles brightly, rubbing smooth circles to your distended skin. "I love you, too baby."

Healing isn't always a one track thing. Sometimes there are setbacks and turns, other times it takes years.

You feel lucky to be getting your life back so quickly and it's only because your husband is the most supportive man of all time.

"So how was this past week?" Doctor Kim inquires, running his hands over the knees of his pants.

Jeongguk kisses the top of your head, wrapping his strong arm around your shoulders when you coddle to his side. "She's doing incredibly well."

You can only beam at his words, sending a shy smile the doctor's way.

"Y/N, how did you feel about the exercise? Did you show Jeongguk how much he means to you?"

"I tried," you breathe, recalling that night. "But it's a two way street with us, I guess."

Namjoon nods, setting down his clipboard. "And you know what? That's okay. In my opinion it's better to have things equal on both sides. It's a good thing that Guk adores you so much that he doesn't want things to be one sided."

"That's right," Guk whispers, intertwining your hand with his.

You look down at his wedding band, leaning your head on his shoulder with a pleasant sigh.

"And what about the anxiety, Y/N? Did you feel much of that?"

Your cheeks burn at the intimate question but you answer the doctor anyway. "No, it all just kind of melted away. I was so focused on pleasing him that it just kind of… faded."

Dr. Kim nods, crossing his legs and taking off his glasses to clean them. "You're healing. That's so important and you're doing it the right way -- together. Soon, you won't even need to come here."

Jeongguk runs his thumb over your bare shoulder, kissing the top of your head until your mind goes blank with only positive emotions.

"What should our exercise be this week?" your husband inquires.

Namjoon tilts his head, looking over how healthy the bond between you both has strengthened. "Just relish in each other's company."

"I really hate this," Guk sighs, wrinkling his nose at the design he's drawn.

The disappointment in his voice draws your attention and suddenly you're draping your upper body over the back of the couch.

"I think it's pretty, what's wrong with it?" you inquire.

He sighs, tossing his pencil down and running his hands through his long hair.

"It just feels so… rigid and so… fucking… bland. It has no soul in it. There's no emotion."

You don't know how he's always been so creative. It's always been a wonder to watch him work whether he was just doodling random cartoon characters or he was trying to create a new look for an upcoming building.

Your husband's eyebrows are notched together tightly, completely absorbed by everything wrong with the sketch.

"It feels so impersonal. There's no real soul in it. No real connection." he seethes, frustrated.

You pout in his direction, wishing you could distract him for just a second.

He's been so caught up in this project it's almost eating away at him.

Guk hasn't been sleeping or eating the way he should, he hasn't been enjoying life since the beginning of this project.

So you do the one thing that will get his attention.

Peeling off your sundress, you stand up off the couch.

Your husband runs his hands over his face due to his frustration and his breath catches in his throat when his eyes open.

"Oh baby, I'm sorry. I'm not really in the mood to-"

"Just let me take care of you," you cut him off, unlatching your bra and letting it fall to the dining room floor.

Jeongguk takes a sharp breath between his teeth, wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you between his now parted thighs.

His hands run over your curves, looking up at you with soft, loving eyes.

"You're so beautiful," your husband breathes, leaning in to kiss between the valley of your breasts.

You hum softly, letting your fingers card through his black locks.

His lips pepper more loving kisses to your skin before he's stopping.

"That's what this project needs. More curves! More fluidity! Motion! Something with emotion!" he cries out, sitting up straight.

You sigh, putting your hands on your hips and narrowing your eyes at him.

"I know! I know! You're so totally pissed at me but just stand there for a few minutes," he beams, grabbing the large sketching pad and his pencil.

"Mkay," you concede, watching his eyes drift over you slowly.

"You're my biggest inspiration! I don't know why I didn't think of this before!" he whines, running one hand over your bare side as his dominant hand sketches fluid lines.

"I love you," you remind him.

His hand stutters on the paper and he looks up at you with the most blinding of smiles. "I love you too, gorgeous. Always."

Today was the first day you've had company over in your house since you've gotten back home.

Jimin has been privy to everything being your husband's best friend and he's kept completely silent on the topic which you find yourself grateful for.

But the most frustrating part throughout the whole evening is feeling your friend tiptoe through every conversation you both have.

He stops talking every five seconds as if he's thinking over what he's going to say before actually saying it just in case it triggers something inside of you.

And while you're grateful -- you wish it hadn't come to this.

"Your tomato plants look healthy," Jimin breathes, nodding towards the back patio.

"Jeongguk took good care of them while I was gone." you chirp, feeling your husband's lips press against your temple.

Your best friend clears his throat, slowly nodding at your admission.

Long gone is the frail woman who would jump at each and every small sound and every quick movement.

You just want to be normal again. You don't want to be the kidnapped victim anymore.

You want to be Jeon Jeongguk's wife.

You want to be the mother of a precious little girl.

Not someone who's been taken.

Jimin taps his fingers to the arm of his chair, bringing the mouth of his beer bottle closer to his face.

He's thinking again. Thinking of what to say.

Looking down at your lap, your fingers drift slowly over the swell of your stomach.

"The baby's getting big." your best friend comments.

Your husband takes the opportunity to fawn over you, pulling you close to his sweet smelling chest. "Yeah, she is. We decided to go with Haneul for her name. It's something uplifting and healing. We definitely needed that after everything that's happened."

You're more than grateful that Guk isn't too shy around the subject.

Ignoring the situation is one thing. Pretending like it never happened would kill you inside.

Jimin clears his throat, taking a deep swig of his beer.

Maybe it's your pregnancy hormones or maybe it's something even more troublesome that bubbles with a fury deep within you.

"Jimin. It's okay to talk about it, y'know." you announce, crossing your legs.

"N-No, I know. I just-" he doesn't finish his sentence, looking down at the knees of his pants.

"I'm not scared or ashamed of it anymore. We've both started to heal properly. It's alright for you to speak about it."

Jeongguk kisses your cheek, curving his hand around your distended stomach.

"I know… I just…"

"You don't see me the same anymore? I'm not the same girl that used to stick my used gum in your hair when we were in sixth grade? I'm not the same person that helped you lose your virginity in college by introducing you to Byul? Yes, I was kidnapped. I was handcuffed to a radiator at night. I bagged up drugs for free and got like twenty grains of rice a day. I wasn't allowed to speak. I was losing the feeling in both of my legs when Haeneul kept getting bigger because I couldn't walk anywhere. But I'm okay now. I'm still me. I'm still the same nasty, irritating bitch that made fun of you for that lopsided bowl cut you decided to do on yourself so you could look like Rain."

Jeongguk and Jimin blink in unison.

Your husband kisses the top of your head repeatedly, hugging you closer to his body.

Your best friend stares at you and you can practically see the rusty cogs turning in his mind.

"It wasn't fucking lopsided. All the girls loved that look." Jimin says finally, smirking over the top of his beer bottle.

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that, bud." you giggle, letting your body relax against Guks.

"I'm sorry, Y/N. It's just taking me a while to adjust to you being back. I don't want to upset you." your friend apologizes, leaning forward and placing his hand on your knee.

"You can't possibly upset me, I'm stronger now. Stronger than I've probably ever been," you promise, placing your hand atop his.

Jeongguk groans loudly as he jumps onto the bed.

His hands open and close childishly, giving you a big smile when you shed his t-shirt from your body.

"You okay?" your husband inquires, running his hands over your thighs as you straddle his waist.

"Yeah, I just don't want to be 'the victim' anymore. I'm healing and I want everyone around me to heal as well."

He nods in agreement, sitting up and drifting his lips over your collarbone.

"I got something you can heal if you're up for it," he quips, pulling your bra strap and letting it snap back into place.

You hum to him, gasping softly when he tugs down the cups of your bra.

"Fuck," he curses softly, suckling softly at the thin skin of your neck.

His chest presses against your stomach and when the gentle kick of your daughter reminds him she's also there he can only smile against your skin.

His hands rub at your distended sides, kissing down the swell of your breasts. "Daddy needs some one-on-one time with mommy right now."

You let out a breathy laugh only to suck a sharp breath between your teeth when the tip of his tongue flicks at your nipple.

Your back arches and Guk takes the opportunity to unlatch your bra, his hands cup beneath your breasts, pushing them up for his viewing pleasure.

"Such pretty tits," he hisses, suckling from one nipple to the other until you're a shivering, sobbing mess before him.

It's a downright sin how fast you get wet for him. He could snap his fingers and you'd be sodden in an instant.

"D-Daddy," you preen softly, combing your fingers through his hair as he pushes your breasts together.

He suckles on both nipples at once, keeping his eyes glued to your pleased face.

Your hips roll against his hardening cock, whimpering when he flicks his tongue quickly against both stiff peaks in tandem.

"You're soaking through your underwear like a little cumslut," he hums, running his hands over your back and laying you down softly.

Jeongguk kisses down your body slowly, drawing out long sighs and whines from you until your mouth is dry and aching.

He leaves hot, open mouthed pecks along the swell of your stomach as he makes his descent.

Your hands are shaky, eyes widening to watch him.

Grabbing needily at your thighs, he kisses over your clothed pubic bone, grabbing the band of your underwear with his teeth and tugging playfully.

"Fuck, you get my cock so hard," he breathes, pulling down his briefs.

His thick cock bobs in the air, pearling with precum and twitching with neediness.

"Christ," you whine, reaching forward to touch it.

He stops you in an instant, kissing up your forearm and hooking his fingers into the sides of your panties.

Guk pulls down your underwear slowly, licking his lips at the amount of arousal that is spread over your bare lower lips.

Tossing the underwear away, he spreads you open with his index and middle finger.

He hums aloud, watching your entrance pulse and quiver, begging to be fucked.

"Pretty little pussy just dying to take my fat cock," he groans, burying his face against your core.

He suckles at your lips, your clit, your thighs, adoring the high pitched whines that emit throughout the room.

"Daddy, please!" you cry out, lifting your hips for more.

Slowly, he enters two fingers into you, kissing up your belly.

You gasp loudly, letting your head loll back at the full feeling.

He curls his fingers to the spongy spot within you that makes you boneless before him.

"M-More!" you whine, fisting the sheets.

He smiles against your skin, adding a third finger.

Your chest heaves and you tug gently on his hair.

"You wanna cum? You wanna soak the bed for me? Hmm?" he inquires cheekily, kissing up to your breast.

You nod quickly, letting your mouth drop open when he begins to fuck you faster with his fingers.

He suckles at your nipple, groaning at the milk that enraptures his taste buds.

Your toes curl and your eyes become spotty.

"I want you to squirt all over my fucking hand." he seethes through his teeth.

The sounds of your wet cunt echo throughout the bedroom and your eyes squeeze shut at the oncoming pleasure that creeps steadily through your body.

"Your belly is getting so big, I love it. You look so beautiful carrying my baby." he murmurs, nipping at your ear lobe.

Your hips lift, moans turning it babbles and semblances of words from different languages.

When he feels your pussy begin to throb around his fingers, your husband moans into your ear. "You're gonna cum for me, aren't you? Cum for daddy, get my hand nice and soaked."

"F-Fuck!" you squeak, pulling at the sheets until they're pooling around your body.

Then the bliss enraptures you, you cry your husband's name loudly, slamming your hips down to his hand with a quickness to ride out your high.

You can feel your arousal squirting out of you in waves and Jeongguk groans loudly at the sight.

Pulling his fingers from your core, he rubs your clit quickly, adoring how your body shudders.

"Good girl," he coos, prying your legs open and entering his fingers into his mouth.

Whimpering gently, you run your hands over his arms, willing your breathing to return to normal.

He runs his hard cock through your folds, tucking his bottom lip between his teeth.

"Your pregnant cunt is so warm," he breathes, thrusting deeply inside of you.

You moan for him, wrapping your legs around his waist and hooking your ankles together.

His thighs spread wider, placing his hands on your belly and running his thumbs soothingly over the skin as you accommodate to his large size.

He starts off slow, letting the bulbous head of his cock drag through your plush walls sensually.

"Oh fuck, yes," he hisses, peppering kisses over your knee and down your thigh.

Your husband takes his time, letting his hands roam over your body.

He's afraid to cum too quickly, it's been a long time since he's been inside you.

Lifting your hips off the bed, he palms the skin of your backside.

"Yes, God, right there!" you whine, digging the heels of your feet into his back.

"Yeah? Right here?" he teases, thrusting hard to the one spot that has your mind swimming, "Like that? Your pregnant little pussy wants more right there?"

You cry out loudly, bringing your hands to knead at your breasts.

"Yes, daddy! More! Please!" you beg.

"Open your mouth," he instructs, letting one of your cheeks go.

Doing as told, he enters two fingers into your mouth. He keeps them flat on your tongue, picking up speed with his hips.

You whine and gargle against his digits, keening loudly when he throws your legs over his shoulders.

He angles himself forward, minding your large stomach.

"You feel so fucking good around me. You're so fucking wet, sloppy little pregnant hole just for me."

You sob loudly against his fingers, letting him fuck you down the bed.

His teeth nip at your calf, groaning at how impossibly tight you are for him.

"What's that, baby girl? I can't hear you. You want it harder? You want me to wreck your pregnant pussy?" he hisses, hooking an arm around your thighs and pressing them tightly against his body.

You scream against his fingers, your second orgasm approaches like a freight train and you know all too well that you won't last much longer.

"Fuck, look at these tits," he groans, pulling his fingers from your mouth and drifting them over your hardened nipples.

"Da-Daddy, I'm gonna cum. I'm gonna…" you whimper, scratching your nails down his thighs.

"Oh, yeah? You wanna cum on this thick cock? Go ahead, baby girl. It's all for you," Guk moans, sliding his knees under your backside and ramming the head of his cock into the soft patch of nerves within you until you're squirting for him once more.

"Christ!" he cries out, pushing your legs off his shoulders and angling his body over yours.

He's seemingly hypnotized by the way your breasts heave upward with each thrust and he keeps his hands on your belly, rubbing smooth circles to the skin.

"Tell me you love me," he begs, squeezing his eyes shut.

"I love you," you sob, watching his long blonde hair fall into his eyes.

"You're never fucking leaving my side again," he seethes, leaning down and suckling at your breast.

"Oh fuck, I'm gonna cum," he sobs against your nipple.

You feel it then, his cock thickening and throbbing for release within you.

"Where do you want it?" he gasps, looking up at you.

"In me, cum inside me! I want to feel it!" you beg, running your nails down his arms.

"Oh, baby!" he moans, thrusting slowly and deep until warm ropes of cum lather your spent walls.

He lets out a shaky sigh, pulling out of you and spreading your lower lips. "Push it out," he instructs.

You do as told, pushing his cum from your blissed core.

"Fucking hot," he murmurs, kissing over your shoulder and laying down beside you with a groan.

His hand cups your stomach, his face nuzzles into your neck and your rapidly beating heart begins to even out once more.

"I love you, baby. More than anything or anyone in this universe." he avows tiredly.

When he feels the gentle kick of your daughter beneath his hand he lifts his head. "You too, princess. I love you too."

You smile at the sight, closing your eyes.

There is no one in this world that could help you heal like your husband beside you.

"Well," Dr. Kim breathes, "I think this is going to be our last session."

"Really?" you inquire, wide-eyed.

He nods in agreement, taking off his glasses.

"You've healed so much over this past month. Faster than I've ever seen before. You're an incredibly strong woman." the doctor announces.

"Well I have the most supportive partner," you smile, nudging your husband who winks at you in reply.

"You'll still need to be open with each other. You'll need to rely on one another and keep it up but that hole within you is filling up more and more each day."

Jeongguk nods astutely, kissing your temple sweetly.

"You both are the perfect example of healing with a loved one. I can see how much you love each other. I can feel how much you adore the other and that's powerful. That can get you through anything."

Your chest puffs up at the therapist's words. There really is no better person to heal with than Jeon Jeongguk.

"I love you," he whispers into your ear.

"I love you too." you reply, intertwining your fingers.

"And on that note, that ends our session." Namjoon smiles, putting the clipboard on the table and putting his glasses back on.

In this moment, Jeongguk takes in the silence and he relishes it.

While it's loud and it's deafening, it calms him.

Because when you're by his side, the silence sounds like the most healing, romantic song.

#jeongguk x reader #thebtswritersclub #btswritingcafe #btscreatorscorner #jeongguk smut #pregnant smut #healing fic #jeongguk x you #bts!fic #bts smut #jungkook smut

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timextoxhajima · 3 years ago

Text

Right Person, Wrong Time [TEASER]

members: enhypen jake, jay

synopsis: you begin your first day of work with your boyfriend sending you there but amidst all your first-day jitters, you find out that the new CEO-in-training was your best friend who moved away a decade ago.

genres: bf! jake x fem! reader, childhood best friend! jay x fem! reader, angst, fluff, suggestive material, F2L, angst, fluff, crack, established r/s

warnings: suggestive material, alcohol, cursing

you remember how it was back then.

the gashapon station was filled with at least 3 rows of machines and there was one you loved. it was a stereotypical pink and white one with a hello kitty label on it, and your head is tilted, trying to read the faded japanese words on it.

you wanted it, but your parents told you that a dollar for a toy you'll probably lose or forget about wouldn't be worth it, so you had gotten used to just reading the labels or looking at the pictures.

"do you have a dollar to get it?"

you turn, looking at a boy slightly tinier than you. you turn back to the machine, pouting as you pick at your fingers.

"i want it, but mummy and daddy say that i'll probably lose it."

"it's just a dollar," the boy fumbles through a tiny pouch he had clasped in his hands. he unzips it, the clinking between the coins finally taking your attention again. his tiny fingers cover barely half the surface of the coin as he holds it out.

"really?" you excitedly take the coin from him, grinning at it and even squinting enough to see your reflection in the metal.

"it's okay! i have too many at home anyway."

you clutch the coin in your palm before rushing forwards to the machine and slotting the coin in. with a considerable amount of strength for a 6-year-old, you finally turn the knob and the pink ball drops into the dispenser's container.

you can't crack it open though, so the boy takes (read: kind-of-snatches) it from you and tries to open it too, but to no avail.

"jay!"

he turns around, and you witness the two adults striding towards him with huge bags of winter clothings. "could you open this, please?"

"ah, did you buy it?" his mother glances at you, then watches as her husband takes the capsule.

"yes, but i'm giving it to her. she didn't have a dollar."

"hello," she squats and grins at you. "what's your name?"

"mm, my parents told me i shouldn't talk to strangers," you sulk and step back.

crack.

the tall man picks out not one, but two hello kitty keyrings from the capsule and hands it to jay. “hm, must’ve been a packing issue, or something.”

the boy looks at it quietly, then turns around and holds it out to you.

"here. it's for you."

a moment of hesitation, then you take it and admire the shine in the plastic.

“thank you,” looking up, you see his parents looking down at you and the little boy already scuffling through the bags. “do you want one?”

“sure,” he takes one of it. “it’s cute.”

"where are your parents, hun?" his mother squats, looking at you from eye-level.

"in there," you point back into the winter clothings store.

"travelling to somewhere cold this winter?"

"no," you continue looking down at the keychain. "they work there."

with your upper teeth sinking into your bottom lip, your squinted eyes carefully manoeuvre the new keyring of the hello kitty keychain onto your wallet. the details on the hello kitty charm had already faded, but you've used a permanent marker and drawn on her nose and whiskers and used nail polish to paint over the entire thing just to preserve it. multiple times.

just as you're done, your phone vibrates and you look at the caller ID to read the name: "sim 💕"

"i'm fixing the keychain, just give me a minute!"

"you're fixing it on the day you start work?!" jake laughs. "i'm about 2 minutes away. let's hope your bus comes on time!"

"i'm sure it will, we're already leaving 30 minutes earlier. i doubt a late bus can ruin my morning," you smile to yourself, lifting your wallet and admiring the old relic under the lamp. "i'm gonna be out in a minute so i'll see you then!"

"okay, bye bye, darling."

the hello kitty keychain looks a little haphazard, but it’ll do. so, you pick your bag up and rush out of your room, hurriedly bidding your mother good-bye and kissing her on the cheek before you stumble out of the flat.

the world seemed a little happier today - the morning sun was bright and high in the sky, white fluffy clouds decorated the blue canvas like little cotton balls.

“y/n!”

your eyes snap away from the view above and down back to earth, immediately spotting jake waving to you from opposite the road.

it’d be a lie to say you weren’t nervous. it was your full-time job, earned only after a terribly stressful interviewer. can you believe they sat me in a room with a panel of five managers and supervisors?

“hey!” jake greets you with a peck on your cheek. “how are you feeling?”

“nervous,” you snuggle under his arm as he lets you rest on him. the bus stop was relatively packed due to the working-adults crowd, so you find a little more comfort in hiding under his build.

“you’ll be fine, i promise,” jake dips his nose into your hair and comes down the ends for you. “you said the interview was difficult to pass, but you did!”

“i did,” a wide grin spreads out on your lips. “thank you for sending me to work.”

“of course,” jake shakes his head. “oh! i got you a muffin, here.”

he fumbles through his bag and pulls out a small paper bag.

“thanks,” taking it from him, you reach up a little to kiss him on the cheek.

if jake were a phrase, it’d be happy-ever-after.

the building looked exceptionally daunting when the bus stops right outside it. not many get off the bus because most people who worked here could probably afford their own private transport. but jake pulls you off anyway, being the only source of motivation and reminder that this could just be any other first work day before everything got better.

standing right outside the entrance, jake stopping you and holding you by the shoulder earns some unwarranted attention from old, judgemental employees of the company, which does embarrass you a little, but jake’s smile is a reassuring encouragement.

“just do what you always do, okay?” he pulls you into a hug, patting your back. “you’ve always been able to do whatever it is anybody gives you. don’t doubt yourself this time, okay? got your lucky charm with you?”

your hand instinctively slides down the strap of your bag. it’s dangling off the side, uneven dots for eyes staring back at you. “yeah.”

“you’ll be okay,” jake pats your head. “i’ll come pick you up after, okay? give me a call when you’re done, i’ll be around.”

“okay.”

jake watches you walk into the building, shyly approaching the administration counter. with one last wave, jake turns, running after the bus that would bring him to his own job.

“hi, how may i help you?” the lady at the registration smiles, standing and greeting you. her name tag reads nam go eun.

“hi, i’m y/n and it’s my first day of work here.”

“ah! for the marketing department?” immediately, she looks down at her computer and clicks away.

“yep,” your hands clasp around the hello kitty keyring.

“found you!” she clicks something else and a printer starts running. she lowers herself in a bid to search for a pen, but it grants you access to some plaques, pictures, and awards behind her.

none of them really catch your attention - they all looked the same - but there was a photo of who you assumed was the CEO shaking hands and exchanging an award with another person, and right next to him was the most familiar face you’ve seen in awhile. it takes you a moment to clock in his face, but-

“fill this up for me, and i’ll get the marketing department head to come get you,” she slides the pen and form across the counter to you.

“i’m sorry for being nosy, but... could i ask who that is?”

she hums, a curious brow raised, before turning around and notes the picture you’re talking about.

“ah, that’s the CEO and his son,” she turns back to you and smiles. then, her eyes dart behind you and she immediately bows, and a startling jab of anticipation bursts through you.

the urge to turn around is faster than the ability to process his face when he walks in. it’s surprise, shock, heartache, all at once, and you know he’s already seen you.

does he recognise me?

a/n: i’m still in the middle of writing this piece but i just wanted to give it a boost since my blog has been pretty fucking dead, so please drop me a dm/ask to be in the taglist for this!

#enhypen scenarios #enhypen imagines #enhypen fluff #enhypen crack #enhypen angst #jake sim scenarios #jake sim imagines #jake scenarios #jake imagines #enhypen jake scenarios #enhypen jake imagines #enhypen jay imagines #enhypen jay scenarios #enhypen jay one shot #enhypen jake one shot

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soleilcrumbs · 3 years ago

Text

Getaway Car

HEY GUYS! THIS BLOG HAVE MOVED TO BY-SOLEIL! here’s the new link for the fic! from now on all my fics will be posted over there, if you guys could kindly go and follow me there I'd really appreciate it<3 more of my stuff on my masterlist🤍

Pairing: Johnny Suh x Female Reader

Word Count: 2.2K+

Genre: angst & maybe a fluff if you're squinting hard.

Warning: affair, unhealthy relationship, kissing, implied sexual content

This fic was inspired by "Getaway Car - Taylor Swift"

•••

Right from the very beginning I know it deep inside my heart that this thing I'm about to jump into is gonna lead to nothing but misery for the both of us. But, mostly me.

But Johnny, he's worth the pain. Maybe that's why people do stupid things despite knowing the risks, like robbing a bank or forging a signature. Or in my case, getting involved with a heaven-sent, angel-looking devil.

It's the small hope that hangs on top of my head. So small I can't see it at times but I know its there, "What if?". What if he change? What if I can change him? How amazing the world would've been if the great, all-accomplished mighty Johnny change for me.

Everyone knows Johnny. Hell, how could everyone not? If we're talking about appearance, man's got a bullseye on board. A perfect ten. His tall lean figure paired with broad shoulder and even a great face is a recipe to everyones heart at first sight. The fact that he has the personality too is even worse. He knows what to say and when to say it. He'd lure you in like some kind of black magic. Leaving you wanting, longing, craving for more. Craving for him. And the worst part of it all is he knows.

I have known of Johnny way before I met him. I've heard the way people talk about this one particular guy from a high school nearby who always seem to be everywhere. Parties, events, competitions, festivals, whatever it is you name it, he's there. So when I finally met him. It didn't take long for him to charm his way into my heart.

Nothing really happen between us after that. He graduated high school a year earlier than me and move away. I didn't think that much of it, not like there was ever anything between the two of us anyway. He's got a girlfriend for fuck's sake.

But when that letter of college acceptance came in. And I moved 12,397 km away from my hometown, a glimpse of hope arise.

"You should just give me a call if anything happens. Or if you ever need anything, really. Having a good friend from back home feels reassuring." Johnny soothingly says after I calmed down, freaked out over a huge pile of enrollment paperwork.

"Thanks, it sure does feel better knowing there's a familiar face around." I smile towards him as I gather what seemed to be an endless amount of paper.

He mirrors my smile, "What about housing? Figured that out yet?"

"Nope, I was thinking off-campus but that'll just add more things for me to worry about, like bus fare and everything."

"So, dorm it is. I'll see what I can do to get you a spot this late. I might know some people that could help." he coos, fishing his phone out of his pocket.

Hearing the words coming out of his mouth, I scoff, "Of course you do. But thanks Johnny, that would be perfect."

•••

The two of us quickly become good friends. I turn to him for a lot of stuff and to my surprise so does he. With the common area of my dorm—which he came through with, thank God—being the place where we hang out most.

It all started very innocent. A friend helping a friend in times of need. That's normal. I'd listen to his complain about his problems. How his girlfriend is borderline caging him with possessive attitude. Adding more stress on top of the one he's been having from school's unrealistic workload.

But at some point, somethings changed. Call me delusional but the distance he put between the two of us over the shared textbook when we study together grow smaller each time. And the oh-so-delicious cologne he's been wearing since forever did not help at all.

Before I know it, I become his getaway car.

Then, that cursed night happened. The rain was unforgiving, drenching me head to toe. I wipe my face trying to get a clear vision of a moving vehicle nearing me. It turns out go be his car pulling up right in front of my soaking self.

“What are you doing?! I told you to wait inside!” he shouts, moving his head signaling me to get inside his car.

“It was jam packed, the humidity is killing me. I’d rather stand in the rain.”

“Are you joking?! You’ll catch a cold.” his tone is harsh unlike his delicate hand drying the water from my face with his gym towel from the backseat, while the other snakes behind my head. Gripping me in place.

“I’ll be fine Johnny, I promise.” I breathe, not realizing just how close Johnny's face from mine at the moment.

The moment I look up to his caring eyes, his movement on my face halts. His eyes finding mine with heavy breaths coming from the both of us. The silence is sickening and I can no longer hear the heavy raindrops drumming his car. All I hear is rapid heartbeat from the two of us, and his has sirens in it.

"Johnny, I—" I try to speak in an attempt to suppress the heavy tension growing in an animalistic pace between us. But Johnny's having none of that.

He crashes his lips into mine in a split seconds. Pouring out all the tension thats been piled up without any of us wanting to acknowledge it.

His lips both hot and cold at the same time. Devouring and moving against my shocked stiff one in a motion so sweet I forget all risks I've been weighing in the back of my mind for sometime now. All my worries and concerns melting with every stroke from his gym callused hands. So rough yet so soft against my damp skin thanks to the rain.

When I finally ran out of common sense thanks to both his expert hands and and mouth, I gave in. Mouth moving against his, matching his pace.

•••

Nothing could have prepared me of what's to come. With neither of us trying to justify what happen that rainy night in his car the very next morning, Johnny and I embark on one hell of an emotional roller coaster. Giving each other comfort both emotionally and physically.

And like I said, a clever man, that Johnny is. Knowing the right thing to say and when to fucking say it. Giving me a taste of heaven and hell in this very world.

“Johnny,” I try to start as I lay there in his room with half of my body weight pressing on top of him. Getting comfortable after he took me to what feels like heaven just a few minutes ago.

“Yes, angel?” he hums with his eyes closed, hands reaching around me drawing random pattern on my bare back.

“Are we.. a bad person? For doing this?” I hesitate before nuzzling my head even deeper on his bare chest. Accentuating my question.

“Everyone has a bad side, angel. Nobody’s perfect,” he tightens his arms around me before continuing. "but I don't know, you might be tho."

This time, his playful persona and jokes couldn't save him. Despite the happiness, joy and pleasure he's been giving me these past year, the guilt I feel inside never suppressed.

Guilt so strong I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night drenched in sweats. Praying to whatever higher being is up there to help me out of this mess I very enjoy creating. How do I get out of this?

"You're always like this. Avoiding things, shower me with praises to get out of this topic. It’s been long overdue, Johnny." I hide my face in his chest. Can't seem to find the courage to look him in the eye after what just came out of my mouth.

Johnny brings one of his hand to his face and let out a heavy frustrated breath, "Then what do you want from me, angel? Haven't I given you enough?" the nickname adds a soft touch to his maddening words.

"I can't live with the guilt. It's killing me, Johnny." I squeeze the sentence out, trying to fight back the tears that threatens to burst.

After a quiet pause he says, "I can't leave her. She needs me emotionally, the way I need you.”

And that did it. Tears streaming down the side of my face, pooling on the dip between Johnnys' chest. Body starting to shake unconsciously.

Johnny abruptly sits up, still holding me. Pulling my leg across his lap, cradling me as if I am a baby.

"Angel, I'm so so so so sorry. I'll make it better, okay? I promise I'll make it better." he says kissing the top of my head repeatedly. Still swaying our body back and forth. "Hang in there, stay with me."

•••

A few months past, Johnny finally come to his senses and choose between the two of us. Breaking the poor girls’ heart and hiding behind 'putting her off of the misery'. I should be happy, right?

But the guilt never went away. Not when one of my best friend is also friends with the poor girl. Not when people back home keep talking and reminding me about how cruel I am for doing what I did to their relationship.

It's always the girls fault. Though both Johnny and I were perfectly sober and conscious when this whole thing started on that damned cursed night.

I try to talk to the said best friends whom I've been putting in a very difficult position, which is right in the middle of my stupid triangle travesty. Not in one of the pointy angles, but exactly in the middle of the shape. She heard my-very weak- defenses, and choose to stay silent.

"I'm not gonna add anything to this mess by forwarding any messages from and to any of y’all. I love y'all equally, but speaking my mind, you're at fault girl." is what she said the last time I try to talk to her. One hundred percent not blaming her. I was shocked she even wanted to talk to me, I'd probably went apeshit if it was the other way around. It isn't though.

More time passes and I've been living the dream with my now official boyfriend, the Johnny fuckin Suh. Doing things backward than what traditionally done. Like posting picture of him for the first time publicly 17 months in the 'relationship'.

Everything smooth sailing as long as I don't pay attention to what people say. And also having closure from the poor girl I hurt through our mutual best friend. I really should thank her properly.

But of course, nothing good starts in a getaway car.

With his final year approaching in accounting school and my crazy calendar as a law student come crashing down, the amount of time spent together become less and less.

The anxious feeling flooding in the longer we go with this pace. Meeting once a week, maybe two times at most. With him on his phone practically the whole time. Phones blowing up when we finally have the time to spend the night together.

I've never been the type of girlfriend who'd ask the annoying question like 'who are you with?' or 'is there any girl?' but I find myself keep doing it with Johnny. Maybe I'm starting to get scared that karma's gonna bite me hard in the ass.

A very selfish way of thinking coming from a girl who's basically a home-wrecker.

And now, here I am. Sobbing through the pain after having the exact same conversation Johnny had with his ex—well, now ex before me—many months ago. Having no one to cry to, mostly ashamed for feeling this way after making someone else felt this way.

A new angel has come and grace his devil self. Bringing comfort that I couldn't provide no more, his words not mine. I know deep down this heartbreak gonna come for me sooner or later. The fear I had about changing become reality.

He could never change. Couldn't be saved. Not by his ex, not by me and surely not by his new angel.

So, I dry my tears using the very gym towel he used that night to do the same thing. Pull out my phone and start typing.

Johnny, thank you for the joy & pain you gave me these past few years. I hope you find true happiness, just so you can stop making people feel as shitty as I do right now. Goodbye.

•••

HEY GUYS! THIS BLOG HAVE MOVED TO BY-SOLEIL!

from now on all my fics will be posted over there, if you guys could kindly go and follow me there I'd really appreciate it<3

more of my stuff on my masterlist🤍

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by-soleil · 3 years ago

Text

getaway car

Pairing: Johnny Suh x Female Reader

Word Count: 2.2K+

Genre: angst & maybe a fluff if you're squinting hard.

Warning: affair, unhealthy relationship, kissing, implied sexual content

This fic was inspired by "Getaway Car - Taylor Swift"

••• Right from the very beginning I know it deep inside my heart that this thing I'm about to jump into is gonna lead to nothing but misery for the both of us. But, mostly me.

But when that letter of college acceptance came in. And I moved 12,397 km away from my hometown, a glimpse of hope arise.

"Thanks, it sure does feel better knowing there's a familiar face around." I smile towards him as I gather what seemed to be an endless amount of paper.

He mirrors my smile, "What about housing? Figured that out yet?"

"Nope, I was thinking off-campus but that'll just add more things for me to worry about, like bus fare and everything."

"So, dorm it is. I'll see what I can do to get you a spot this late. I might know some people that could help." he coos, fishing his phone out of his pocket.

Hearing the words coming out of his mouth, I scoff, "Of course you do. But thanks Johnny, that would be perfect."

•••

Before I know it, I become his getaway car.

“What are you doing?! I told you to wait inside!” he shouts, moving his head signaling me to get inside his car.

“It was jam packed, the humidity is killing me. I’d rather stand in the rain.”

“I’ll be fine Johnny, I promise.” I breathe, not realizing just how close Johnny's face from mine at the moment.

The moment I look up to his caring eyes, his movement on my face halts. His eyes finding mine with heavy breaths coming from the both of us. The silence is sickening and I can longer hear the heavy raindrops drumming his car. All I hear is rapid heartbeat from the two of us, and his has sirens in it.

"Johnny, I—" I try to speak in an attempt to suppress the heavy tension growing in an animalistic pace between us. But Johnny's having none of that.

He crashes his lips into mine in a split seconds. Pouring out all the tension thats been piled up without any of us wanting to acknowledge it.

When I finally ran out of common sense thanks to both his expert hands and and mouth, I gave in. Mouth moving against his, matching his pace.

••• Nothing could have prepared me of what's to come. With neither of us trying to justify what happen that rainy night in his car the very next morning, Johnny and I embark on one hell of an emotional roller coaster. Giving each other comfort both emotionally and physically.