#imo i think the major thing is that at some point it stopped being v's story. it was everyone elses

[merlinmerlot]

I could play one of the most beautiful well crafted video games on the planet and it will never be as appealing to me as one that kind of sucks shit but has soooo much potential

[chaotic-history]

Thank you @enlitment for the book tag! Putting it in a new post since it's long. This probably isn't the best time to do this when my brain is still brain fogging, but here goes

Last book I read: The Satyricon by Petronius, specifically the 1694 translation (shoutout to V's birth year). It's the second most fully preserved Roman novel, and I don't know what I was expecting from it, but it's just kinda meh? In its defense, the translator has a very specific writing style that didn't read very smoothly for me, so I'm sure it's much better in the original. The best parts imo were Encolpius and the poet complaining about modern (ie, to them) things in the exact same ways that we complain about the exact same things now.

Book I recommend: The Terra Ignota series by Ada Palmer. It's a sci-fi series with a philosophical bent set in the year 2454 and written mostly in the style of the Enlightenment era (the narrator, Mycroft, has a very bad case of 18thC brainrot). One of the things it touches on really well is how gender is perceived in different ways according to different standards, and I don't want to explain that since I think you have to go into the book not knowing a lot-- it's throwing you into a society that's as different from ours as the 18thC is, and you're supposed to feel like that. And I know "the worldbuilding is good" is probably overused, but it really is; parts are fantastical enough to feel like it's verging on a dream, and it's grounded in enough of a potential reality to make even the impossible things seem achievable. Featuring a very politically significant 18thC brothel, the ghost of Thomas Hobbes, the actual Achilles, Humanists, the world's #1 unreliable narrator, and a sex scene taken almost word-for-word from de Sade until the reader asks the narrator to stop.

Also Candide because I need to keep up my streak of convincing people to read Candide.

Book I couldn't put down: Do not underestimate my ability to put down literally anything. That said, the fourth and last Terra Ignota book (can you tell I'm trying very hard to sell it?). I can't say much about it because almost anything at that point is a massive spoiler, but books 1-3 are all gradually building up to a major event in book 4, and it's sort of the quiet kind of suspense where you know what's going to happen, but all you can do is wait and see the extent of the damage, and the main focus of the tension even during it is how you're going to rebuild, and any solution is so painfully flawed but it's something and the narrative drags you along throughout all of it by the sheer force of its hope.

Book I've read twice: Quite a few, but my favorites that I've read multiple times are Catcher in the Rye and L'Immoraliste. I read Catcher in the Rye the first time for class, and I don't want to go on another long rant, but I love Holden so much and I'm incredibly glad that I read the book when I did; I can see so much of myself in him and having sympathy for Holden taught me that maybe I need to have a bit more sympathy for myself as well. Also, sorry Mrs. [redacted] for stealing your copy of the book. It wasn't on purpose but it'd feel weird to return it now.

L'Immoraliste I originally picked up at the library to read the first time because based on the year published and the title I assumed like a 90% chance of it being gay, then I fell in love with the writing style and so I reread it in French. The part where Michel is going out to lay in the sun naked (<- absolutely terrible desc. of it but I can't think of smthn better right now) is up there in my top three book scenes ever.

A book on my TBR: Way too fucking many, reader, way too fucking many. On the top of the list right now is Goethe's Faust since I'm intrigued by @iron--and--blood's Faust AU for Morton's Hope, and also since I should maybe read some philosophy that isn't just French (does Goethe count as a philosopher? At least by the 18thC definition I think he could). And Goethe said V was good, so at least I know he has good taste.

Also I should maybe finally start reading all the Molière/Racine/Corneille stuff I've been stocking up on lol.

A book I've put down: Voltaire et Frédéric II by Roger Peyrefitte. It sucks shit and I've tried to read it at least five times now and every time I have to stop because it makes me want to personally murder the author by like 50 pages in and I am not exaggerating in the least.

A book on my wishlist: There's a couple 1780s editions of Villette's works for sale that I like to look at every so often... I'm sure I'll eventually cave in someday but for now I'll keep trying to convince myself I don't need it.

A favourite book from childhood: I had to google a bunch of stuff to find this since I couldn't remember the title, but it's first book from the Epic Order of the Seven Series by Jenny L. Cote, about a bunch of talking animals during various Bible stories/major events (yes it is very weird). This one is about Noah's Ark, and since the animals were from all around the world, parts of their dialogue were written in a bunch of different languages with a little dictionary at the back which I thought was the coolest thing ever (it kinda is tbh).

A book you would give to a friend: Depends on the friend and what I think they'd like, but the last book I gave to a friend was Discourses on Livy since we were talking about The Prince.

A book of poetry/lyrics you own: Childe Harold's Pilgrimage! Yet another book I haven't gotten around to reading yet.

A non-fiction book you own: Changes in the Land by William Cronon. It's about the ecological changes in New England from before the Europeans arrived roughly up to 1800 and how the environment shaped and was affected by the economies of the Native Americans and the settlers, and one of the points that really stuck with me was that one of the major differences between the two groups' relationships with the environment was that the Native Americans primarily viewed resources as being valuable in terms of the function they served, while the settlers saw natural resources as being valuable firstly because they could be sold, and he talks about how it was that mindset which we still had today that made a healthy relationship between the colonists' economy and the environment unsustainable. It's also written in a way that's super easy to follow, even if you know nothing about ecology (which I do not).

Currently reading: The first volume of V's correspondance from the Garnier edition. So far I've made it up to 1731, and I realised I'm still thinking of him then as young V even though he's 37. There's so many gems in the letters though (especially to Thieriot) and it keeps leading me down a bunch of rabbit holes.

Planning on reading next: Faust!

Tagging: @ouiouixmonami, @acrossthewavesoftime, @apurpledust, @captainsamta, and @orchatab

[fictionfixations]

jaehee best route presentation

this is just me jokingly dunking on mysme's other routes and pointing out the weird and wacky shit that happened in comparison to jaehee's significantly more tame route (because i love her route. we stan jaehee in this household.)

meant to make a presentation cause a bunch of friends were getting together to make some dumb af presentations but im procrastinating

anyway ive never played deep story or another story mode. and the only routes ive actually played are jaehee's and yoosung's. i cant be bothered to do anyone else's (the notifs get so annoying. im the type of person who sometimes spends whole days in a row desiring me time and being all alone. so guess what when you give me a game thats basically like a messenger in which you have to actually interact by then? its like. actually socializing! which no. it hit my social limit and i just stopped trying after multiple bad endings trying to actually get to zens lol)

since im not gonna be showing off my presentation (because ah.. socialization.. and two, now im kind of scared i might trigger someone..?)

so. here.

MAJOR MYSTIC MESSENGER SPOILERS

its a gif..

[ Content warning: Swears, possibly triggering content, uh. Mention of bombs, death (faked su//cide), possible implied in//est thoughts (he doesn’t harbor those thoughts I don’t think, but it can still be the impression he gives off), ..mention of s*x maybe?, kidnapping, held captive, weird shit that’s meant to be kinky but actually comes off as really creepy, INACCURATE PORTRAYAL OF PEOPLE WITH MENTAL ILLNESSES, cringe, false reporting / negative media, captivity, yandere ending sob??, and ill add more if i can think of more - and torture. I wont go indepth but ill mention it. …beastiality? Just remembered headbang. I dont think its said but ppl kinda see the implications of it i think. ..ive never played his route so i have no clue | is cucking a trigger??? I dont..>>>????? / sexual implications probably  | mentions of S/A. It doesnt happen but a character falsely accuses another to ruin their reputation, toxic relationships ]

thats it lmfao

what i was going to continue with:

jumin. so. you know that bad ending where you're basically kept in his house and he puts trackers in your shoes so you can only walk as far as like the kitchen away from him and doing so alerts him and shit?? and its played off as being some kinky shit i think but like hello? (also i think. it was either him or saeran, but we fuck in the basement he has trauma in??)

(i mean theres also the thing with his cat. the 'i'll treat you like my pet' or something like that line?? i dont remember. or zen having a dream that elizabeth his cat was running away so he locked her up even worse so then when he opened the door she ran??)

707 is the most story-depth i think, the one ppl consider canon. in which. crazy shit probably happens there with the obligatory kidnapping and bomb threat. i honestly cant remember i didnt even go to his page to check . altohugh i think theres an ending where saerans is like 'give me a hug'. 707 does. then saeran kills him. which. oof…. poor guy. or its revealed who their dad is and basically bad things happen i think?

saeran/ray/unknown. inaccurate depiction of mental disorders or something like that (not meant to offend with wording, but i can never remember the names of shit). it was like.. we first get to know ray whose the nicer one. and then there's saeran whose an absolute asshole. there was something like 'if you dont listen something bad will happen' (which is apparently something his mom said to him or something like that?) very sucky situation

V. cucking??? IDFK wtf

V's CELL?

DRUGGed. from. RAY's. TORTURE. okay. okay.

(someone explain to me whats going on in that ending where we're cucking, im so confused)

ah...

so. yknow. jaehee's route is significantly more tame. and relaxing. and stress relieving imo.

the end

[weaver-z]

I think a lot of the hostility in the discourse surrounding The Q-Slur™ is bc of the conflation between social spaces and political movements

for instance, I initially had a bad reaction to your take on the issue (although I took some time to think about it bc I'm not an animal tyvm) bc I value The Q-Slur™ as effective political rhetoric--a rejection of respectability politics, inclusive to everyone in a way that an unwieldy acronym can't be, simple and concise, etc.

however, I would never call someone The Q-Slur™ if they didn't want to be called that, bc that's rude? like really fucking rude? I'm even avoiding saying it here bc I don't want to stir shit for no good reason

there's a very big difference between how a movement should behave and how a social group should behave. a social group is made up of individuals with individual histories and feelings, but an effective movement can't be made up of individuals; it can only be statistics and icons, because it has to cover as many people as possible

imo, both things are true: it's not okay to demand people use it for themselves, and it's not okay to demand activists stop using it. the pain that The Q-Slur™ brings that makes it so inappropriate for so many social spaces is the exact reason why it's such a good political tool: it's confrontational and unyielding. it makes it clear (1) what we are, (2) what we want, and (3) what we will not concede ("our otherness is based actually" in a single-syllable word!) without making anything softer or cleaner

here's an example of how I personally approach stuff like this: I don't like the lesbian flag all that much (specifically the more-orange one made to replace the lipstick lesbian flag). I think it could be a lot more rooted in lesbian history/symbols instead of just being a pretty collection of colors that looks nice next to the other flags. but, no matter my personal feelings, I would never try to get people to replace it, bc dear lord we need some flag to unite under

(that obviously isn't the same exact situation, I just like allegories)

the Pride+ thing actually felt like a really good compromise to me. as it's a blog on an already p pro-LGBT website, it's a mix of both interpersonal connection and online activism, and wanting it to be as comfy for as many people as possible is entirely valid! go staff go!!

ig my main point in a nutshell is that it's v important to have manners in the vast majority of situations, with one of the main exceptions being when you're fighting for human rights. yeah I think that's it

anyway, I need to log off for a while. go lay down in a field and feel the rain soaking through my clothing. cleanse myself of the internet brainworms. remember that I'm human. hope you have a good one!

Thanks! This is probably the last ask I'll answer about this issue, because for a bunch of people claiming to be super trans-positive and inclusive, some of the people in my inbox really want me to play in traffic.

I also think that the political origins of the reclamation of "queer" are a good point to bring up. "We're here, we're queer" was deliberately chosen because it was a startling, incendiary declaration in the 70s and 80s. And it still is! It's a great rallying cry and wake-up call.

That being said, in a more personal space, yeah, I avoid being called queer for... well, basically every reason I've outlined in these ask answers. Having "THE QUEEREST PLACE ON THE NET" plastered on my blog was, while not triggering, rather uncomfortable for me last pride due to my associations with the word. There is nothing wrong with renaming the blog to "Pride" and using "LGBTQ+" instead of "queer" to describe the userbase, as it includes both queer (Q) people and people who might not identify with that word (LGBT*).

Thanks for taking the time to consider my position! Have a good day.

[cloneslugs]

also i hate most things where the final challenge is like well batman now you must give up your mask mostly bc it plays out so cliche and imo is such a weird stopping point for batman's story (esp if it's a villain who i dont think would care but props to ak for making me believe that jonathan has enough reason to care his hope v fear thing was actually good) but ak did such an interesting followup for post game seeing everyone close to batman react, esp w the high security lock up people i find it interesting that most people take it as batman = bruce wayne (seen a lot w everyone at the gcpd who tell him theyll just stick w batman or keep it to lighthearted jokes) and its jonathan's whole thing of giving face to the faceless and bringing down the idol-hood of a hero/hope (his argument for it is slightly diff than what i would go for though. i see it less as "now you have a face to blame, to put failure to" and more of "giving batman an identity takes him away from being a hero/urban legend/myth and turns him into something lesser which is a man" which i think was kind of touched on but eh. second doesnt work as well when hes long established and people know hes real which is another reason i think later timeline stuff is shakier for me depending on how it plays out) but im interested in the viewpoints of the majority batman = bruce wayne vs how a very small minority takes it, both being the people who knew batman most intimately, joker and harvey, who both make a statement about "wearing a mask" joker is harder to pinpoint in this game bc he is just a mind thing and most of his stuff is said to just be edgy or mean (but you can also argue that it's just bruce's own thoughts gone through some twisted joker way of saying them) but even still i think he makes a clear distinction (even if incorrect) that between bruce wayne and batman, there is a mask and an act put up & that theres freedoms in one that arent available w the other (even if he means it in accordance to violence) i think harvey's is really very interesting, idk as much for his dialogue to batman (aka bruce wayne) vs his to just batman, but his lines of saying "i didnt make a promise w bruce wayne on that roof" etc really sticks w me & the many diff implications w it & he goes out to say he understands what it means to wear another face, which goes into stuff arkhamverse never really explored which is the personal disconnect that bruce has between himself & himself + which one is more genuine, batman doesnt feel fear while bruce wayne does (ashose) -> who can afford to be emotionally vulnerable, who can do more good and who is currently doing more good (imposter) + i think it's such an interesting facet of being a superhero (at least for some) of being which one is who i pretend to be and which one is really me, which ik isnt as deep as ak takes it but to go back to it im just very interested in how harvey points it out that his friend on the rooftops wasnt bruce that he didnt give all this up for bruce that this trio didnt include bruce & how ultimately he wasnt let down by bruce wayne bc there is a distinction, and he, more than anyone else, would understand the distinction

[volfoss]

how about ranking bucciarati's team?

regret to inform you that ur gonna get a very long answer bc i have passionate feelings about them all! also trish is in this bc she is part of the team and no one will tell me otherwise and will also include some rambling bc it is me and i have so many feelings towards these characters and none of them r cohesive

under the cut just in case (post writing yes it was long)

Giorno Giovanna:

way way more complex than ppl normally give him credit for (i will not go into feelings on how a majority of the fandom treats him unless ppl want me to then i will in fact make a very long ranty post and will not be stopped)

mildly op (esp at the beginning with how hes kind of able to just use his stand really well w no problems altho i think thats true of most of the jojos that we have seen animated?)

i am emotionally attached to him and want to give him a big hug

hes just a kinda goofy kid and is maybe a bit not good with figuring out hey this is a semi dangerous situation maybe i shouldnt be taunting him (leaky eye luca for example)

has the actual best theme

i love how he works off the rest of the team so well (even w members who do not like him)

is in my top 3 jojos i love this kid sm i would adopt him if he was real

7/10

Bruno Bucciarati:

the fucking way his character develops from licky man to best dad material is my favorite thing

his outfit is so so so good i would die to wear it

in general this man is one of my fave jojos characters and i get a lot of comfort from him

hes just really neat and has a good taste in music

he did his fucking best and i will always love him for that

imo the way that his death was drawn out was genuinely one of the most heartbreaking deaths in the entire series and fucks me up each time i think of it

i feel like he really is the one to hold the team together in a way that everyone feels cared for and saved

def has a savior complex tho for sure

dilf but im ace

also manga superiority bc he either makes the stupidest faces or looks very nice (anime has a lot of weird animation in regards to his face) and also because its lingerie there instead of a tattoo that changes thickness and placement every second

10/10

Leone Abbacchio:

guilty pleasure liking man

i am obsessed with his vibes and wish to become him

i cannot physically express just how much i love him but hes one of my faves of all time (not obvious by my theme at all wdym)

i miss his manga palette but also the colored manga isnt my beloved but also black lipstick abba

hot take maybe but anime abba looks better than manga minus the lipstick debacle

hes so so tall and i will steal his height in a nice way

his past man his past it fucks me up

his death fucks me up normally but when i was rewatching recently, i saw he gave this tiny lil smile after helping the kids get their ball and i could not take it anymore

him and brunos relationship (canonically and out of canon too) is one of my favorites in the series

also fandom hot take as i guess i am doing those for everyone- but ppl either have him as cosntantly trying to murder giorno or being like good son and v out of character, and it is really weird? not sayign that ill do better when i write them but also like im convinced some ppl havent seen the show or smth

i will steal both him and bruno and marry them both <3

this man is beloved i love him to death

10/10

Pannacotta Fugo:

i cannot spell his first name to save my life

also fandom take- ppl make him constantly only angry boy all the time and it really irks me. ik araki did not give him 2 much to work w in terms of canon personality but its frustrating

the light novel purple haze feedback is so so so good and adds sm to his character and i really like it for that!

fugo is one of those that imo deserves a lot and didnt get that

genuinely the vibes between how he treats narancia is v interesting to me, like its clear he cares about nara but nara not doing great w math really frustrates him

i love their interactions and how he is genuinely a kind person at times

the manga colors r superior here, my strawberry boy <3

i just really love and appreciate him a lot and wish that ppl gave him more love

i keep getting assigned him on kin quizzes

very smart good boy

ALSO ok fugo did not do any wrong by leaving

unsure if thats a hot take but i genuinely dont blame the character one bit for leaving and again purple haze feedback really delves into that and why he did it

if ur a fugo fan go read it

his past is really upsetting esp in the anime i will cry over it

his stand is adorable and i wanna hug it

his vibes r fun and i wanna gift him strawberry dangly earrings

8/10

Narancia Ghirga:

this boy i am also adopting (i am adopting most of them sorry)

i really hate how ppl act as if hes stupid bc bad math skills do not equal stupid like did ppl not see the fight w formaggio??

the way he just fucking dove into the water after the boat and how brunos face went all soft and happy it will never not make me cry

he is constnatnly making me wanna cry if i think too much about him for 2 seconds i love him sm

how can anyone not adore him when he set an entire street on fire yk

hes just happy despite his past and it makes me sad i love nara sm

torture dance is one of my favorite memes from the show

ALSO ok the way he died so suddenly absolutely broke me bc the remaining team members r really just seeing everyone die in front of them so quickly

his goofy and laid back moments r my fave

i love just how loyal and caring he is to his friends

his stand is really cool and again the fight w formaggio was so fun to watch

8/10

Guido Mista:

probably my least favorite member of the team for a semi good reason:

the jokes towards trish are really really uncomfy and how fugo doesnt wanna be involved but he is pushing him to do something that makes him uncomfortable did not make me like him a lot

hes goofy but not goofy enough for me to be ok with the repeated jokes about that esp in the body swap episode (ik it was supposed to be funny but it just felt off)

his vibes r good but i wish we got to see his hair

the fandom interpretation is normally pretty good of him overall?

despite not loving him a lot, i really enjoying writing for him (one day might open up headcanon requests or smth but unsure)

hes someone id wanna watch movies w but his taste in movies and mine r very different

love how he and his stand get along

honestly has very very good comedic potential

i really like how he and giorno interact as the series goes on (in a platonic way i need to clarify that i love their friendship)

again him in purple haze feedback was really interesting

probably a 5/10?

Trish Una:

beloved and deserved better

her first outfit in the manga > outfit in the anime

actually in general i believe in manga trish superiority like her hair in the manga looks so cool

her stand her stand her stand i love sm

if u dont include trish in the group i am murdering u <3

HER CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!!!! IS SO GOOD!!!!!!

fandom gripe is how people either pretend she does not exist or has the trish first introduction thing where shes using her defense mechanisms and acting a bit spoiled

OK but her in purple haze feedback!!! mild spoilers but how bruno was taking care of her post the ending of vento aureo makes me so happy each time i think of it

very mad that she canonically didnt really get an ending and yet again PHF my beloved actually gave her that

how spice girl starts out as a stand thats helping her thru a very stressful situation is so cool and i love it

DAD BRUNO DAD BRUNO DAD BRUNO *frothes at the mouth*

but more seriously how she leans on bruno and begins 2 trust him and nearly point blank is referring to him as a father figure always fucks me up

esp because of the resulting fight afterwards

and the very ending of the arc that ends w bruno being like bye gonna go in the clouds and look ethereal now, oh man it makes me so sad

bc giorno is the only one that knew what happened and people that were closer to bruno due to knowing him longer didnt

i wanna see how trish coped w that personally

despite being introduced not at the beginning i think her arc and character in general were as well paced as it could be!

9/10

finally done! sorry that took so long but oh man i have so many feelings towards these guys its not even funny

[aimmyarrowshigh]

Dark Greetings this Spooky Season Ms. V. Can we get a list of your favorite Halloween movies and specials? I know you have seen *everything* and I am trying to go beyond my usual rewatches this holiday month.

V. AIMMYARROWSHIGH’S CRITERIA FOR HALLOWEEN EPISODES

Does the Halloween element combine convincingly with the usual universe of the show (ex: Lizzie McGuire 2x09 “Those Freaky McGuires” is not good as a Halloween episode because it changes the rules of the Lizzie McGuire universe, whereas Community 2x06 “Epidemiology” is a GREAT Halloween episode because it manages to logically introduce zombies to the regular Community universe)?

Does the Halloween element advance the plot of the episode/series (ex: the reason Boy Meets World 5x17 “And Then There Was Shawn” is literally the best Halloween episode ever made is that it uses the horror movie tropes it satirizes to provide a CRUCIAL turning-point to the plot of the show)?

Is the Halloween episode in the forefront enough that it’s clearly a holiday episode (ex: HAVING ONE JACK-O’LANTERN ON A DESK DOES NOT A HALLOWEEN SPECIAL MAKE, LAW & ORDER 16x03 “GHOSTS”! You gotta go ALL-IN, like Bob’s Burgers 3x02 “Full Bars”!)?

Does the Halloween theme balance well between spooky and warm-n-fuzzy (ex: Criminal Minds 11x21 “Mr. Scratch” is too fucking bleak, but Criminal Minds 12x06 “Elliott’s Pond” has a joyous/celebratory tone to the ending despite being a genuinely scary episode)?

Is it generally a well-written, acted, and designed episode of television (ex: Saved by the Bell! 3x26 “Mystery Weekend” is seriously, not exaggerating, the worst thing I’ve ever watched in my life; Psych 1x15 “Scary Sherry, Or Bianca’s Toast” is a triumph of the medium)?

THE BEST, bar none, Halloween special ever made is Boy Meets World 5x17, “And Then There Was Shawn.” Period. There can be no argument, except MAYBE Community 3x06, “Epidemiology,” but I like “And Then There Was Shawn” better because the parody and homage as less… biting? And because I think it continues and addresses the emotional core of the regular BMW season better than “Epidemiology” does for Community s3. “Epi” DOES plant the seed (…heh) for the Season 3B major plot arc of Shirley’s pregnancy and Chang Deciding To Murder, but it gets some major minus points for mocking Yvette Nicole Brown’s weight with other characters’ responses to her costume, tbh. And “And Then There Was Shawn” is just fucking iconic. It is THE Halloween episode manual, IMO, if there were to be a textbook on how to write a perfect Halloween episode for your sitcom.

HOWEVER, I also have to give major props to Bob’s Burgers and Psych, as complete series, for their CONSISTENTLY excellent Halloween episodes. A lot of series that have multiple Halloween eps really phone it in after one or two, because they don’t have any more ideas for how to incorporate Halloween pastiches while maintaining the overall feeling of the series (tbh B99, while the Halloween Heists are excellent in general, is/has been coming very close to this line, and I think that if they HADN’T had to switch out the Heist to Cinco de Mayo in s6, they would have jumped their Heist Shark [and I think they know it, too, because it was lampshaded in the episode itself]) or they just straight-up don’t have any more ideas for what or how to have the characters they’re bound to parody or pay homage to a Halloween thing after they’ve already done one or two. And let’s be real: those one or two have probably been either The Shining or Rear Window, because those are pretty much the two that every show starts with.

Bob’s manages to make every Halloween episode feel very fresh and organic to the series, which I think they do have some leeway to do because of the nature of cartoons keeping the Belchers living a kind of loop of never aging, yk, but amazingly they’ve only done the “Tina feels too old to trick or treat, maybe? Nope, she’s not 14 yet, so there’s still time!” thing in a way that felt tropey once (in 3x02 Full Bars). They’ve been able to address Tina being 13/in 8th grade, and worrying about it being almost too late for her to keep trick or treating, in ways that were in-character and added to the overall episode in 4x02 Fort Night, 5x02 Tina and the Real Ghost, and 9x04 Nightmare on Ocean Avenue Street, without me rolling my eyes at the screen and going “TINA, EVERY SINGLE SHOW WITH A TWEEN IN IT HAS ALREADY DECIDED THAT THE AGE AT WHICH YOU MUST STOP TRICK OR TREATING IS FRESHMAN YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL, COME ON NOW” which… at this point, is a Feat. Because like, I’ve POSTED over a thousand Halloween episodes, right? But I’ve watched and screencapped ::checks folder:: 3,905 Halloween episodes since 2014. Which is, um, a. lot. The ACTUAL BEST Bob’s Burgers Halloween episode is 6x03, “The Hauntening,” which is just… achingly perfect television. I know I’ve posted about it before (probably a couple times tbh) but the way that it aired originally back-to-back with The Simpsons 27x04, “Halloween of Horror,” so that the evening of Sunday cartoons juxtaposed eight-year-old Louise whose family worked so hard to scare her like she wanted with nine-year-old Lisa’s family working so hard to keep her from being too scared and make sure that she felt safe… reader, I FUCKIN CRIED. Little girls being deeply loved while also Spoopy Things!!!!!! IS WHAT HALLOWEEN SPECIALS ARE!!! FUCKIN!!!!!! ABOUT!!!!!!!

Psych, though, has the benefit of not really having any, like… central tone to the series? Beyond “friendship” and “having fun with joking,” tbh? So it’s able to do what a lot of series get docked “points” for in my Foolproof Halloween Special Ratings System That Is Completely Subjective To My Tastes And Mood, which is really just run full-tilt into parody and homage without really worrying about overall tonal connection to the rest of the season or series. 1x15, “Scary Sherry, or, Bianca’s Toast,” while it DOES fall victim to the way-too-common Halloween episode trap of making mental hospitals into a Scary Thing (they are a medical normality and a necessary thing for health for many people and should not be feared), is delightful Spooky Fun AND has the benefit of having Shannon Woodward in it.* We all know by now that if an episode of any show has Shannon Woodward as the guest star, it will by default end up being one of the best, if not THE best, episodes of that series. It’s just how having Shannon Woodward as your guest star rolls. I also really like, with Psych’s Halloween episodes, that quite a few of them understand the underlying thematic scope of Horror, which is “The Monstrous Feminine Is A Thing And All Horror Tropes Are Actually About Women’s Interior Lives Because Men Can’t Write Women And Fear Women Always,” yk, in a way that is neither TOO Actual Horror, which I am too afraid of to Do, or too trite and demeaning, which is the other basic trap that Halloween stuff falls into A Lot. Like, Scary Sherry is very much about women villainizing other women, avenging other women, and being in very specifically-female pain, even though Shawn & Gus are still the lens through which we solve the mystery, and so are 4x04 The Devil Is In The Details And The Upstairs Bedroom and 6x03 This Episode Sucks. But they give their Monstrous Females dignity and breadth, which is impressive, ESPECIALLY since they’re one-off guest characters. Also, 3x15 Tuesday the 17th is just plain funny and well-done, like, just give it props for the title alone.

*(Speaking of Shannon Woodward, another amazingly good Halloween episode is Raising Hope 4x07, “Murder, She Hoped,” which is among my very favorite Rear Window homage episodes and has probably the funniest gag in ANY Rear Window ep, in Martha Plimpton floating across the screen in the Grace Kelly silk nightgown and peignoir and announcing that it was on sale at Walmart, can you believe?! and honestly, yes. Perfection.)

Also excellent:

• The Addams Family (1991) + Addams Family Values (1993) • Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School (RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU WERE GAY FOR SIBELLA AS A CHILD!) • Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost (RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU'RE GAY BECAUSE THE HEX GIRLS!) • Halloweentown + Halloweentown II: Kalabar's Revenge • Mom's Got a Date with a Vampire! • Z•O•M•B•I•E•S (to a lesser extent, Z•O•M•B•I•E•S 2) • Clue (1985) • Coraline • Corpse Bride • 6teen 2x00 Dude of the Dead • Arthur 21x00 Arthur and the Haunted Treehouse • Lamb-Chop in the Haunted Studio • Arthur 8x04A Fern-kenstein's Monster • Arthur 10x02 The Squirrels • WandaVision 1x06 The All-New Halloween Spooktacular (I KNOW YOU, SPECIFICALLY, DEAR @plavoptice, HATE MCU!WANDA AND I DON'T BLAME YOU, YOUR REASONS ARE VERY VALID! But this is a good Halloween special so I'm putting it on my list In General.) • Boy Meets World 2x06 Who's Afraid of Cory Wolf? • Ghostbusters (2016) • Gravity Falls 1x12 Summerween • Leverage 4x02 Ten L'il Grifters Job • The Loud House 2x40 Tricked! • Mockingbird Lane 1x00 Unaired Pilot • It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown! (Classic, etc.)

I'm SURE I'm forgetting some that I'll rewatch this year myself. I'm a big Halloween Baking Championship fan, tbh, which is on Discovery+ now so I recommend that if you like mostly-relaxing nice people baking cakes that look like bats and such.

I'm also IMMENSELY INTENSELY EXCITED for The Muppets' Haunted Mansion on Disney+ next week!!!

[badluckbee]

the last of us part 2 opinions that no one asked for but i need to get out of my system !!SPOILERS!!

i literally don’t give a shit if the story is for you or not, art is subjective. BUT i think that there are some fundamental misunderstandings about what makes a good game or not?? idk you’re welcome to disagree but people are throwing around a lot of “i didn’t like it, therefore it is bad” ideas & it’s not sitting right with me. there’s gonna be spoilers in this post you’ve been warned.

i loved this game. it challenged me and even though it has its issues, it was still really good it still made me think and feel things so some of these reviews have seriously made me go ??!??!?!?!??

if you didn’t like tlou2 and want to argue with people that did like it about how bad a game it is i’m not going to do that,, you can go play the first game again i’m not stopping you from not liking and not playing this game. this is simply my perception of the game and the most common criticisms i’ve seen.

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if the only reason you don’t like the game is because boohoo they killed my favourite character,, literally as someone who has had the majority of my favourite characters die, they didn’t disrespect joel by killing him & ppl being THIS babyish about it & calling for them to rewrite the whole story is immature and embarrassing as fuck. that’s my biggest problem with the “fanbase” right now, we all knew that joel did a bad thing in saving ellie and we know that he’s done a ton of bad things before that, remember “we’re shitty people, joel, it’s been that way for a long time”?? tess wasn’t wrong, it makes sense that someone someday would come back for him and they did. if that’s what you’re mad about lol get a grip it’s not like we don’t see him throughout the whole game. (also i thought we all knew he was gonna die from the first trailer anyway) (also also did you guys not pick up on it when there was a song where the first line was “if i ever were to lose you, i’d surely lose myself” they laid out the whole game for you right there lmao)

things i’ve seen in reviews repeatedly that didn’t sit right:

1) joel and tommy wouldn’t have trusted abby.

joel and tommy have been living in a close knit community for four years with friends and family, there’s already a false sense of security. as far as they know, this is just a group passing through, they had no reason at all to believe that there was any malicious intent after not only saving abby but abby returning the favour and helping them out. they’ve never met them before, up until ‘the moment’ they’re very nice and welcoming, they also needed abby to trust them if they were all going to get out of that mess of infected alive. (ppl also forget that in the first game joel was, although hesitant, still perfectly willing to trust and travel with people, including henry and sam, who were kids just like this group so don’t play the ‘first game’ card)

2) ellie should have killed abby.

you’re seriously trying to tell me that killing abby would magically cure ellie of her ptsd??? if you weren’t blinded by your love of joel you’d know that’s not true lol literally the point is that killing her wouldn’t bring joel back it would only leave lev alone and vulnerable like ellie was and the meaningless violence would continue. literally none of the killing the characters did in this game made them feel remotely better, that’s the point. abby moved on from her pain by finding lev and looking after him, not by killing joel, just like ellie needs to begin to heal, not kill abby. if you wanted that fight to have a choice of whether you could kill abby or not i could POSSIBLY accept that but i would absolutely choose to spare abby every time. that last fight didn’t feel right anyway imo, i wanted to let her go before they even started.

3) ellie should have ended up with dina.

this game is shouting at your face that your actions have consequences!! no other ending made sense, if ellie killed abby and went back to find dina & jj still at the farm waiting for her there would be no lesson learned and no character growth!!

3) you shouldn’t have played as abby.

this is a grey one to me, i absolutely think you should play as abby but i think that the order was a little off, no one would be rooting for her over ellie after she killed a favourite character but if you have an open mind abby’s section of the game is really really fun and has some of the best moments in the game. i have some thoughts about what i personally think would have been super cool and i’m going to put it at the end of this post on the off chance that someone reads it but i totally get why they did it the way they did and it worked very well from abby’s day 2 onwards!!

4) it’s too violent?????

tell me what i’m missing here??? nd was as transparent as possible that this is a violent game centred around revenge and hatred that would feature brutal violence, smart ai and devastating cutscenes. yet there are people complaining that the game is too violent WHILE describing how bad they want to fuck up abby???? i understand not enjoying the violence, i wasn’t too bothered bc i’m pretty desensitised & i use way more stealth anyway but there were moments when it didn’t feel right & that’s okay?? that’s what they warned us about???

5) it’s just pushing an agenda, it’s too sjw.

people exist that are not male, white, straight and cis. stop crying about it.

i know no one will read this but i had a thought about a way to order the story to connect more with abby & needed to put it somewhere:

ok imagine for a minute if they had marketed it as a spinoff not a new game with new characters & no ellie or joel. you start as abby from her first day in seattle, forget everything before that for now!! imagine playing from there through to day 3 as normal, there are some very vague references to her dad dying and to her finally finding the killer but nothing that’s a giveaway for who her dad was or what happened in jackson. then we get to day 3 and that sniper scene (which was fuckin spectacular btw) and we see that it’s tommy there and it’s like ??!??!?!?!!??!? but we have to let it go for now to move the story on until we get to the theatre and we see eLLIE ?!???!??!?!!?!!?!!!!? and that’s where it cuts off and we go back and play as ellie and we see what abby did

i’m not a writer and i know that there would be problems with doing it that way but wouldn’t it be such a plot twist if we had been playing as abby from the start and connected with her and her friends more before finding out that ellie and tommy are even in the game never mind on their way to kill us??? i get why they didn’t do that though lol no one would have played it.

anyway this post isn’t attacking people for not liking the game or thinking that there are issues, this post is specifically about the people that claim that it’s objectively a bad game because they personally don’t like it.

here are some fuckin good awe-worthy moments that people are conveniently forgetting about:

- this is personal but tommy is one of, if not my favourite character, at least to me he’s one of the most interesting so seeing jeffrey pierce get more screentime was a big win for me!!

- jesse, yara and lev are DELIGHTFUL i love them v v much

- the museum i cried so much it’s so cute

- the acting!!?!?!?? especially ashley, the scene where ellie forced the truth out of joel is my favourite scene in either game acting-wise it BROKE me

- i said it before but the sniper scene was incredible

- the rat king!!! i'm a wimp it was so scary but man that reveal was fantastic

- abby’s fear of heights,, HELLO that scene on the bridges!!! i’m not scared of heights but it really got me

- the hotel!! how does nd manage to make hotels so scary

- the switch between playable characters was a plot twist and a half!!!! i gasped it was so unexpected i loved it!!!

- actually showing that the characters aren’t invincible and struggle with what they’ve been through,, showing ellie’s ptsd was so important!!!!

- ok idk why but the scene in the first game with david in the restaurant makes me so nervous every time,, i start shaking and sometimes i cry when i finish it bc that’s the definition of horror to me i HATE it it’s too scary. so when i got to that parallel with ellie and abby at the theatre and ellie was ‘the david’ of that encounter i had to sit and think about it for a long time, that scene shook me and i love nd for doing that!!

there’s probably more but this is already the longest post i’ve ever made & i’m tired (i’m not the best at getting my points across as well so if there’s anything that’s worded weirdly that’s on me)

[violentviolette]

So I was on your fandom blog and I saw that you believe Bakugou (at least in assuming) to have ASPD. Is wondering if you could expand on that? I personally see him as NPD but I'd love to hear your side of things

first off anon bless u for being on my fandom blog that takes courage cause it’s a wicked hot mess over there lol and secondly to everyone else yes im about to spend an embarrassing amount of effort overanalyzing an anime man, no u shouldn’t apply this logic to diagnosing real people u don’t know or urself, no its not that deep but yes u can fuck right off if u wanna cry about me headcanoning ur favs with “shitty” illnesses. eat my dick.

But now down to the good shit! So I actually think bakugou has comorbid aspd/npd. But for this since u said u already see him as having npd I’ll just focus on the aspd criteria but im totally down to talk more about npd as well if u wanna. (the rest is under a cut because frankly mobile users would have drawn and quartered me otherwise)

So first im gonna go thru the dsm v criteria that are required for diagnosis that bakugou fits/exhibits (leaving out the few things that don’t pertain to him just for length and also because not every person has to fit every single criteria to qualify)

1. Significant impairments in personality as manifested by

a. identity (self esteem derived from power, pleasure, or personal gain), self direction (goal setting based on personal gratification, absence of prosocial standards and culturally normal ethical behavior)

katsukis entire sense of self is built upon his ability to “win” and to always be number one and come out on top. He absolutely cant stand to be viewed as less than that because if so, his entire sense of self begins to crumble. Part of the reason he’s so antagonistic towards Izuku in the early chapters is the fact that Izuku challenges that identity. He (unintentionally and intentionally) challenges katsuki and wont give way to him (which is the right thing to do, but we see how “well” katsuki handles that). He also doesn’t have a good sense of “prosocial standards.” katsuki has created his own internal sense of morals and values, he’s decided whats worth his time and effort based on his own opinions and not on what society deems worthwhile behavior. He’s constantly getting admonished that his attitude “isn’t that of a hero” because his values are different than the ones of the society around him. But he doesn’t care, as long as he “wins” then everythings good. And its not until he stops “winning” and his behavior begins to get in the way of his goals does he begin to realize that he has a problem.

b. impairments in interpersonal functioning as manifested by lack of empathy (lack of concern for feelings, needs, or suffering of others) and lack of intimacy (incapacity for mutually intimate relationships, use of dominance or intimidation to control others)

I could frankly write a whole essay about just this bit alone but I’ll try to condense my thoughts. So. Lets talk about katsukis lack of empathy. This boy wouldn’t know another person’s emotions if they walked up and punched him in the face. Which they do. On multiple occasions. But I digress. Katsuki is known for his shitty bedside manner, his lack of concern for the feelings of others is literally what cost him his provisional license, but aside from with Izuku (who we’ve established is a source of Baggage for katsuki and shouldn’t be counted among his normal behavior because at the start of the series they BOTH bring out the worst in one another and overcoming that is part of both of their character arcs and growth and a main theme of the damn story. Win and save. Save and win. Ahem. But again I digress) katsuki isn’t vindictive or cruel in an unnecessary way about other peoples emotions. He doesn’t use them against people, it just doesn’t occur to him that they exist. But as we see katsuki grow and begin to try and change his unhealthy behavior, we see that he’s not oblivious of others emotions in the same way todoroki is (who I headcanon as autistic along with izuku (who also has adhd), but that’s a whole nother post lol), he just doesn’t know what to do with them. He can handle things like kirishima feeling insecure, because he can logically talk to him about how strong he is to encourage and support him, but really struggles with more intimate and open forms of emotional support, like with Izuku.

He also struggles with forming prosocial bonds and friends. At the start of the series katsuki doesn’t have friends, he has lackeys he controls with intimidation and fear because he doesn’t know any other way to be. He has trust and intimacy issues and doesn’t like people getting too close to him because he feels displays of vulnerability are what makes someone weak (see those asocial morals and values we talked about earlier). After his time at UA, a few large helpings of some humble pie, and the diligent and hard work of a small group of fearless idiots (aka kaminari whose literally too prosocial for his own good and has zero self preservation instincts, and kirishima who has an endless supply of patience and understands empathy and other peoples emotions to a degree that’s baffling to me) he is able to start deconstructing that idea and realizing that u can be vulnerable and let people close to u and still be strong. That the mortifying ordeal of being known isn’t actually the worst things ever. Also that when confronted with people who aren’t actually afraid of him, he doesn’t know how else to deter them from getting close to him. The fact that none of the other kids in 1-A take katsukis shit and even go so far as to pick on him and mock him and call him out on his bullshit is a MAJOR turning point for his socialization skills.

2. pathological personality traits in the following catagories

a. antagonism, characterized by hostility (persistent and frequent angry feelings, anger or irritability in response to minor slights or insults, nasty mean vengeful behavior), callousness (lack of concern for the feelings and problems of others)

I mean. Do I even have to expand on this point? I feel like no

b. disinhibition, characterized by impulsivity (acting on the spur of the moment in response to immediate stimuli, acting without a plan or consideration for outcomes, difficulty establishing and following plans), risk taking (lack of concern for ones limitations and denial of the reality of personal danger, engaging in potentially risky and self-damaging activities without regard for consequences)

this is a criteria where u have to adjust for the world these characters are living in. but even then, by hero standards, katsuki is still impulsive. His teachers are constantly admonishing him in the early series for charging headfirst into a situation, loosing himself to his emotions and anger, and letting things get the better of him because hes not taking the time to properly assess the situation, this also bleeds into katsukis inability to work with others or ask for help. He charges headfirst into a situation by himself, blows up anything in his way, and then asks questions later. His teammates are often left totally in the dark to his plans, motives, or other moves and have to just play catch up to him the entire time. In the deku vs. kacchan 1 fight we see this behavior come out in full force. He has no plan, he blows up half the building with zero regard for their goals, and leaves iida completely in the dark. Momo pointing this all out and dragging him for filth during the recap is another wakeup moment for him, having to confront the realities of his impulsive and negative behavior whereas before he was only praised for it.

so if we take a look at even just that, which is still about ¾ of the diagnostic criteria, I think u can see where this really starts to explain his personality. Katsuki is hot headed, angry, impulsive, stubborn, selfish, he gets in his own way more often than not, he struggles with prosocial behavior, making friends, and relating emotionally to others. He has a hard time comforting people and usually does so in a blunt and logical way, he isn’t great at sympathy and being soft, kind, or gentle with other people. It takes a considerable amount of effort for him to realize where his world view and his morals and goals are warped and doing him more harm than good, and he absolutely cant stand to be vulnerable or honest about his feelings with others. 

All those things, imo, as someone with aspd & npd, are what make me feel like hes a good character representation of what the complexities of living with these disorders is like. Katsuki isn’t inherently a bad person, and as we see him grow and change, we see the ways in which hes becoming better, but its still hard for him. And despite what a lot of fandom thinks, if u look at the canon, the main person katsuki hurts with his behavior is himself. And I think that’s really important because people with aspd & npd are so often catagorized as abusive villians whose only goal in life is to hurt others. Whereas with katsuki we see where these things and this kind of thinking gets in the way of his goals and ultimately hurts him. and thats what I think makes him the most relatable and makes his growth all the much more satisfying. Katsuki is both fundamentally the same and an entirely different person from when we first meet him. his personality didn’t magically completely change, hes not just a tsundere whose suddenly all mushy feely and hyper empathetic, he’s just learning how to deal with his emotions and the world and getting better at being a healthy person.

So yea, those are my thoughts! There was apparently a whole 1600 words of them so my apologies for writing u a literal dissertation on this lol I just really love this fucking character

[kinetic-elaboration]

May 21: The 100 2x11 Coup De Grace

It’s late, my computer’s more tired than I am (and hardcore hates me and very well may decide to eat this entire post who even knows), and this is probably a bad idea but I’m gonna do it anyway.

Or at least start.

Another episode, or partial episode, of The 100.

This opening torture sequence makes me so uncomfortable. Which like I get is the point but tbh I’m just not into ‘look how unflinching we are at the realities of Bad Stuff.’ Especially when my tired computer is skipping and the sequence becomes, like...trippy. Trippier.

This is probably a super bad idea because my computer literally cannot handle video lol. I am going to restart it.

It’s actually kind of nuts that Monty’s been missing for 2 days and Harper even longer and Jasper and Maya are like ‘this is weird and upsetting but I guess we’ll find them somewhere!!’ Well, Maya more than Jasper. Mount Weather isn’t THAT big.

“You have to look like nothing’s wrong. Like everything’s okay” is so sad. I think it’s situations like that that make S2 my favorite, just b/c I’m a sucker for scenarios of enclosed tension. Like, forget war and blah blah blah, I want this, like... secretive, spying, being spied upon, uncertainty. That’s the real horror in a satisfying way.

Gosh his haircut is awful though.

When does Clarke learn to ride a horse?

I have literally no idea what’s happening bc I rewatch these eps so infrequently.

Clarke just got “yes ma’amed.” I find that semi-hilarious, not because she’s 18 but because you knew Grounders used words like “ma’am.”

I love Clarke’s single-mindedness. “We can’t stop for water. We can’t stop for anything. We’re on a mission. And Bellamy might have called!” AWWNH!Clarke is so OOC lol but she has a different background okay?

I’m not really in the mood to trust Abby about anything. Does she... actually make good decisions? I feel like you’d have to track her through all of the seasons but I am inclined to say...perhaps......not.

So the Mountain Men tried to assassinate Clarke and Lexa. Completely forgot about that.

The introduction of Echo. I just... I just have no opinions on her, I guess. Literally my only opinion is that she should have been the Ice Queen and, not being the Ice Queen, she’s just not interesting to me. I will say, she couldn’t have been in Mount Weather long if she knew who the Sky People are, as they’ve only been on the ground about a month. But also...why does she hate them? They were only fighting with Trikru, and Azgeda territory isn’t even, like, in the vicinity.

I love Dante but he has some major balls looking Jasper in the face and saying he doesn’t know where his friends are. I mean, he doesn’t, because Cage stole them, but how do you just MISPLACE people in a 600,000 square foot bunker? Where COULD they go?

I’m sure I’ve said this before but as someone who went to a high school with a uniform I find it HIGHLY unrealistic that all these teenage boys tuck in their shirts and keep them tucked in all the time without exceptions.

Jasper being protective of Monty <3<3<3.

So it was MW that told them there were no Ark survivors. Did I know that? Did I forget that? Not that it matters as my Clarke/Maya fic is done lol.

Dante is the most Hilarious and Wonderful of all of the attempted father figures on this show I said what I said--they’re all terrible but at least he bring the Weird Father Figure energy to 11. I’ll lie to you but it’s to protect you, call you son (always weird), super good at self-defense--ah-ha! sword at at your neck!

“This is not a toy.” If the sword is in MW it’s probably Important and Famous.

IMO and I completely stand by this assessment, it’s harder for Jasper to be brave than it is for other people, and he was really brave, and it worked, and I’m proud of him.

I realize this is also a problem with the literal world but we actually do know that torture isn’t effective so Indra being all upset that she’s not allowed to torture Emerson is just so....exhausting to me. Like Clarke isn’t suggesting not torturing him bc she loves the high ground and must walk it at all times. She’s suggesting not torturing him bc the last time she tortured someone, she got 0 good information. And even though neither of them know it, it was the shit information garnered from torture that led Finn to TonDC! Also if they had let Emerson die, the Grounder would have also still died--it’s not that they chose to use resources on one and not the other. They had two different types of wounds. I mean I guess if they’d brought them in faster without patching up Emerson in the field? That’s probably what she meant. However the Grounder Death Cult and their complete willingness to declare their fight over at the merest papercut makes me again less sympathetic to this point of view.

I’d literally already forgotten that someone tried to assassinate Clarke like an hour earlier. Abby doesn’t need to be concerned about that, lol, Clarke’s used to it!

Okay first I did have a longstanding headcanon that Echo had a crush on Bellamy going way back--I mean that’s practically canon, yeah?--but now I’m super convinced because in their second scene together, he sacrifices himself for her using information she gave him (that MW takes the loud/strong looking ones), even though she greeted him by spitting in his face, and actually, that was very heroic and selfless of him. I’d fall in love too.

Second, I thought she had no tattoos because she’s a spy or w/e but I CLEARLY see tattoos on her legs. And they are not white either.

I don’t think I ever realized that Maya found Bellamy because she was in the infirmary/harvest chamber looking for Harper and Monty. I do not have a good memory for each scene leading into the next. AND she think she’s found them when she sees how fast the random patient’s treatment is working, because that has to be a Sky Person and she would never guess Bellamy.

They really do just talk about their little torture machine casually all the time. “I need to go over the treatment schedule so I know how many cages to clear.”

Hey so like how did Maya get in if she’s not cleared for this facility?

What a wonderful time to remember yet again that if Bellamy knows who Maya is from her reference to Jasper, Clarke, who saw Maya and Jasper flirt like ONE TIME, must have told him about them, which is cute and funny all at once.

Maya: “I wanted to see what was so special about him, but... he’s dead.” Bellamy: Ah yes! I’m dead! * immediately closes his eyes * Why am I laughing so hard at this?

Good thing they take dead bodies down slowly instead of just thunking them on their heads.

Maya, Bellamy, and Echo v. Lovejoy is a pretty satisfying fight. Also, what did Clarke just say about Emerson talking b/c they saved his life? Echo helps Bellamy because he saved her life. Sometimes you get more flies with honey.

I tend to forget that Bellamy literally strangled this guy with his bare hands. Like it was self-defense to some degree, in that this had to be a fight to the death, but it was also just pure fucking rage. Like he said, he (like Clarke for a while) wants to kill everyone in the Mountain.

And then he thanks Echo and asks Maya if she’s all right. A True Catch. Tbh I could see something forming out of Echo and Bellamy here, but not after some of the later twists and turns in the later narrative.

Honesty, I’ve always loved Maya but... let’s just appreciate her, shall we? That was horrific, seeing someone she knew killed in front of her--and helping, because she knew he was on the wrong side, even though that was the same side she’d been on her whole life. Is she completely in the moment, or is she already seeing that there’s no way out for her here? That the people they’ve brought into the Mountain are really going to destroy it?

Bellamy coming out in Lovejoy’s clothes looks like a kid trying on new clothes at the mall before the new school year. Except he’s just dumped a body down a trash chute.

Like “I’ll come back for you, I promise”--I can see a basis for a ship in that. So far it is 100% built on how Echo would have to be dumb not to fall in love with Bellamy but still.

This Maya and Bellamy scene is amazing. I love every aspect of it.

Lemme just...watch that Jonty hug on repeat.

Honestly they even ended the scene with them walking out the door together even though there’s no way anyone could have moved Harper that fast and there’s also no indication of who moved her or how. Guess she’s...not that important...?? LOL??

Kane has only two modes: fairly ineffectual bastard or utterly ineffectual neo-hippie. “You’re not grasping the situation! We’re nice! Be nice to us!” I probably shouldn’t mock him bc he is me lol, I also would not know what else to say to Emerson other than ‘please????’ but still. Common sense and peace and love would be great but those aren’t shared values I guess.

And then he goes 180 to ‘let’s torture him then?’

What you should be doing is good cop bad cop. Or like, wearing him down with repeated questioning? I heard that’s an effective interrogation technique, although here Emerson has a certain advantage of time and that his interrogators are way more easily annoyed than he is easily worn down or confused.

Anyway I remember now. Clarke ultimately solves this problem with that ultimate BDE moment, sending him with a message and 6 hours of oxygen. She really is just the Smartest.

At least Kane acknowledges that the Chancellorship is a completely random title since Abby literally just kinda stole it? Like Jaha is the rightful Chancellor and Kane is the second-most-rightful Chancellor and she’s just sorta...there? But it also doesn’t matter because as established, Clarke is the one actually in charge.

This Bellamy and Maya elevator scene is also the kind of tension that I like. Is Bellamy...legitimately considering shooting him? In the elevator? That would end badly lol. He has this idea to just start randomly offing people in public/enclosed places, while Lexa is all like ‘we can’t save TonDC bc it would blow Bellamy’s cover!’ like the irony.

I wonder if the MW classes are like...to some end, like, mandatory schooling that must be completed, or if they’re just like for funsies? I think the second, partially because it’s an “Expressionist class” which doesn’t seem like the Three Rs and partially because this dude doesn’t seem upset that Maya didn’t show, like he’s just vaguely wondering where she was.

“We’ve accomplished great things” in that tone is like the MOST American thing I have ever heard. (I can say this because I’m American.)

“We’ve been bleeding people to stay alive for generations. That’s our legacy” is true in the sense that Dante’s line in the sane is...truly in the sand. But also has it been ‘generations’? I’m not sure you understand how time works, show-as-a-whole. I mean maybe this is technically true? They probably discovered Grounders like....50 years ago? Which is sort of “generations.” But when you say it like that it makes it sound way longer.

You wanna root for Dante over Cage because he’s on the side of our heroes but in terms of like bitter logic Cage has the advantage. What they’ve already done and what Dante has managed to rationalize to himself is bad enough. They’re already Doing Bad Things, doing yet more bad things isn’t going to bother anyone. Especially when these extra bad things (1) come out to the same--torturing/killing people and (2) lead them to a permanent home on the ground.

I wonder if Dante/MW justified what they did to Grounders with stories of them being like...irradiated mutants. Like literally inhuman. So it ‘doesn’t count.’ I mean objectively they’re wrong of course but I mean in their heads. And then for Dante the line is so obvious between killing radiation casualties and killing just normal humans like themselves, whereas for Cage--who sees the Grounders more because of Cerberus, and knows they don’t look that much different, that they are also just people underneath the masks and big clothes--sees no difference between the Grounders and the Sky People, and if he’s already sullied himself by using one set, he can continue sullying himself, for a greater cause, by using the other set. It’s just a question of which story you’re telling yourself and how much you’re willing to lie.

The plotting of this season is, overall, very good. Especially in the second half.

I think Clarke’s default mode when stressed is order giving. It’s part of the control thing. She’s okay if she has everything under control, and if she knows everything, and when she has all that knowledge and control it just...spills out of her, directing people with what they need to do and where they need to go.

Whereas Raven’s in full ‘falling out of love with Clarke’ mode.

Also I think Clarke is very quick to comfort people and she is genuine in this but because she ALSO has her agenda and her strident tone and her controlled demeanor, it can look like manipulation. Or at least, if I were her friend, I would always wonder if she really cared or if she just wanted me to calm down so my emotions weren’t in the way of The Plan.

My 15 second Raven, Clarke, and Octavia scene. Lemme just rewatch this a bunch of times too.

“Jackson found genetic marker anomalies that can only come from someone born on the Ark.” Remember when people were theorizing that this was a big deal in some way? The Arkers were genetically modified to withstand space? I remember that being a theory. Anyway in retrospect, it’s just a Plot Device. Possibly a Pseudo-Science Plot Device I would not know.

Never mind. “We were genetically engineered. They weren’t.” So it is in fact canon, just meaningless canon. HOW IS THIS SOME RANDOM THROWAWAY LINE?

Clarke’s feral moments are the best.

It’s cute how Abby continues to think Clarke isn’t in charge.

Having Bell run into Lovejoy’s son is cheap but effective. I still remember that scene and I can really feel the full effect on him through Bob’s acting and the music. I also always remember that line “What did you expect you’d find here?” Because the answer is obviously ‘monsters.’ They had their simple narrative too: about how MW were the bad guys and thus they could destroy them all and it would be vengeful and feel good. But it’s more complicated than that: everyone in the Mountain is complicit in terrors. But many of them passively so. Bellamy was ready to kill all of them, and so was Clarke, but he changes his mind based on this encounter, tells her about it over the radio, and makes HER change her mind and in fact change her entire plan, by the time she explains it in 2x15.

And it’s sad for Maya too because Bellamy is being aided by her but she is still a Mountain Person. It’s easy to say ‘she’s an exception, she’s Jasper’s friend, she’s our friend.’ But she’s done everything he hates the Mountain for. If the whole Mountain is evil, she’s evil. And to the extent you can’t be both pro-MW and pro-Sky People, she’s put in this impossible position of choosing sides, or trying to switch sides abruptly. Bellamy sees that, and it’s like yet one more additional layer to his guilt over what he did, because he sees a new angle to how it affected Maya,  without whom he’d be dead.

Jonty the leader couple. And Jasper’s face when Monty says “We’re not safe here.”

S2 is my favorite bc of plotting like this episode: just as the 47 are about to leave, Cage stages his coup. Just as Bellamy is about to see his friends, the doors lock and they’re trapped. The moment when Jasper sees Bellamy--with absolutely no reason to believe this could even be possible. In trying to plan fics that use S2 I tend to get confused about the plot bc it goes back and forth and circles around a lot, but in actually watching it, it’s quite effective, and I think part of the circling confusion is just bc there are so many moving parts, people need to be in the right places at the right times, meet and separate at the right moments, so it can read awkwardly in summary. But they did a good job ultimately, I think.

Another thing about S2 generally is that even though it’s much more expansive than S1 in terms of locations and number of characters and groups of characters, ultimately almost everything revolves around one story (except for the CoL setup stuff), and 2 main locations that have meaning, with various points in between. So it is more concise and more centralized and more meaningful than later seasons, which become increasingly spread out and disjointed. Or so I try to explain to myself at 1am.

Yaaaay emotional Princess Mechanic and then Bravenlarke. I live for these moments when characters are just like...emotional together.

I don’t know if I find it realistic that Clarke would be like ‘it’s over’ so fast but nevertheless I like Raven and Bellamy picking her back up.

Clarke’s relieved face...she’s in love.

Bellamy: I’m fine. Me: He’s a liar!!! But I guess they can talk about his emotions later.

When they’re all together, they’re all better. Like immediately. Even Clarke’s “Raven’s going to help you” with a little look to her, like, this isn’t an order, and Raven nods....

I love that Bellamy took Maya’s expression to mean “It’s not a problem” when it quite obviously meant “It’s a huge problem.” But also Clarke smiled for .05 seconds so I think she knew he was a-lying. This could be a sitcom if it were a totally different show.

Weirdly, I watched part of 2x15 again for a fic I decided not to write atm and...they don’t actually use the Grounders as a Trojan Horse army. Their plan NOT to kill everyone including the kids meant basically that they used their real army as a distraction and then just took the inside-Grounders out the back way. Or that was the idea. Which in retrospect is actually kind of disappointing.

Clarke’s power walk through the hallway with her Grounder Entourage is just so....satisfying. This is the emotional payoff that got me into this show.

Clarke just literally staging a coup against her own mother, using the Grounder force that sees her as a leader, is so.... I feel like I have never appreciated it before this rewatch. I think in the past I found it kind of annoying tbh. But this time I like it a lot more. I like Clarke’s just insane levels of confidence and self-assurance. It is a good look.

First of all the parallel to the Wallaces. But more importantly, I always wanted this big story line of Delinquents Versus Arkers that never fully came as I wanted it, but this is pretty close, where she’s just used to being in charge by now, so you know what, she is. And the only thing she needs to make her desire for power real is muscle, which she has, thanks to Lexa, so she uses it. It’s also very satisfying. And should ultimately have been the groundwork for the delinquents to form a separate community but WHAT DO I KNOW?

All that said, and this isn’t contradictory, but Clarke picks like the MOST inflammatory way to go about her plan. She just does it, she gives no explanation, she stages a showdown at the gate with her own Mom the Chancellor. There is a subtler way of doing this. But I like that she didn’t do subtle because it’s IC for her. It’s IC for her age (who is more Dramatique than a teen?) and it’s IC for her place in her hero’s arc: under L’s influence, she’s becoming big-headed, leaning into the sin of pride, here in the form of “I do can do no wrong,” and by 2x16 in the form of “I can do no right, no one has ever been more wrong than I, no one has ever been more sorrowful than I, let me perform penance in the woods.”

Pride: the most annoying deadly sin.

Anyway.

And Kane, who always bows to the Alpha Female in the room, immediately enables Clarke’s Drama.

“Let our people go and we’ll let you live. It’s just that simple.”

“The Grounder army is bigger than you think and the acid fog can’t hurt them” is honestly a bluff though? Because again, they do not use or even PLAN to use the inside Grounders and they DO plan to take out the acid fog so??? I guess the point, if she was protecting Bellamy, WAS the bluff, WAS the distraction.

I think it was unnecessary to take out his O2 but I guess she’s really just showing off, which again is IC and I guess has the purpose of showing MW she means business and is Not To Be Fucked With. Still, it is important that her message make it to MW since it’s the distraction Bellamy asked for, so it seems like something of a risk to make it hard for the messenger to arrive home safely.

I do like that she gets to use that classic retort “That sounds like a you problem.”

And so.... I meant to go to sleep like 3 hours ago, and my power is flickering. Time for bed. The end, goodnight.

[boltsandashes]

10x2 we are the end of the world initial thoughts

Quick reactions & overall thoughts under the cut.

“Kill me and you’ll have to kill my daughter too.” I laughed. Damn, mother of the year there.

I get that the whole thing is that Lydia’s the general exception to Alpha’s rules, but it’s just really weird that Lydia spent her whole life with this woman who insists on no one having names.... and she’s the only Whisperer with a name. And all the Whisperers seem cool with that.

I’ve gotta say, the dead are a lot more observant than i tend to give them credit for. The fact that they can pick up on the fact that something that looks like them and smells like them is making a sound (crying) that they shouldn’t make, and interpret that as meaning it’s something they should try to eat...? That’s a lot of cognitive processing and reasoning skills for a Walker.

Also -- I love Beta’s iconic outfit, but if half the purpose of traveling with the dead is subtlety... he should probably change that outfit now that our characters know what to look for.

Oooh y’know, it makes sense that Alpha would have to pretend she’d killed Lydia but I hadn’t thought about that before. I’m kind of psyched to see how Beta reacts when he founds out she lied. 

When that girl took off her mask. Me: Lizzie??

(idk why that was my thought it looks like her ok)

*snorts* at Alpha & Beta’s first date scene tearing open a Walker’s guts. (...Actually Rick & Daryl’s first date was tearing open a Walker’s guts too...)

“My head finally feels right again.” Because she... squished it? Honestly that was a weird moment, Alpha just sort of pushing on her head before stopping. Does she normally crush people’s skulls with her bare hands, is that a plot point I’m forgetting?

Aww poor not!Lizzie </3 I honestly really love that they brought the baby and the mother back as a plot point, that we got to see the fallout from that. I’m surprised and sad she died so quickly though, it would’ve been nice to bring her back in later, maybe have her turning point at a more vital moment when it impacted the Whisperers or our group.

But I bet the sister’s gonna come into play later, and is not gonna be thrilled about all this hypocrisy. Oh Alpha...

Oh yeah, she’s being named. Definitely coming into play later. Probably gonna make some kind of play for new Alpha eventually. See how that goes.

How did three people die, though? How did one person taking off her mask and jumping on Alpha get other people killed? That’s just weird to me, idk. Did they take off their masks too? Do excited Walkers just start biting everything around them now even if it looks like another Walker?

1) Damn that is a long-lasting smiley face shirt. 2) This getting v beauty and the beast, which is not something I ever expected to say about these two.

Oh, he just... found out about Lydia really fast, huh. And didn’t care. I guess Gamma’s is gonna be the big reaction then.

“I saw smoke by the border.” Um... yeah, did you guys just completely not register the flaming hunk of metal falling out of the sky yesterday? Honestly why did your brain jump to “the enemy have crossed the border”? Like... they did, but you shouldn’t have known that. You should’ve assumed it was... you know, the giant flaming hunk of metal.

--

Ok. SO. Overall impressions. I liked a lot of things about this episode. Other things seemed a little rushed or clumsy, as if the writers knew what end point they wanted to reach and had to shove the plot a little in places to get it there. Things like... how did Beta know that when Alpha said “you don’t have to leave him” she meant “how ‘bout you peel the skin off his face”? We knew she meant that ‘cause we’ve seen the future and we know they wear skin masks, but it just... seemed like an odd conclusion to jump to. Or when Alpha heard there was smoke and assumed it was our group, completely ignoring the fact that a satellite fell there yesterday. 

IMO they should’ve either gone to investigate the fire and seen the group putting it out, or Alpha should’ve assumed it wasn’t our group until she spotted Carol. ‘Cause... now her and Carol having that staredown was just kind of pointless? Like... ok, you’d already made up your mind to go attack our group, and your whole power comes from the element of surprise, but let’s pull off your mask and just have a random staredown to let her know you’re coming, that’s... sensible.

That said. I really liked the stuff with Gamma and her sister. I can see Gamma coming into play in an interesting way later, and I just enjoyed getting more into the fanatical cult mindset behind Alpha’s followers. The flashbacks with Alpha and Beta were interesting (if a little rushed) and my heart just hurt for poor bby Lydia being stuck with those very unstable people. I feel like I both have a better and much worse handle on Beta than I did before, but that’s alright for the time being.

Overall it was a pretty decent episode. Nothing mindblowing, and I was a little let down by the ending I think, but a solid way to get to know our enemy and get more insight into a few major characters like Beta, Alpha, and Lydia.

[kae-karo]

Hi I used to be into the phandom so much but fell out in like??? 2017??? Maybe??? Has anything big happened at all? Has anyone died/caught on fire ( ;) )??

oh dear god where do i begin??? well fortunately both our lads are still alive. let me just start with saying 2018 has been like. probably the best year for dnp to date? i’ll try to go in some kind of order here but bear with me i’ll touch on a bit of 2017 stuff and then go into 2018 for ya

so first of all i’m not sure when you left the phandom in 2017 but the lads moved out of their previous flat in april of last year (x) (april-ish it was def before they posted the vid)

also our dear lil dani snot on fire is no longer not on fire (x) so uhh is he on fire now ig? i mean yeah that’s arguably true

*insert phil’s badaladala sound bc on the scale of Significant Things i don’t think anything else massive happened*

day one of demon month, we got this amazing vid from phil wherein viewers (aka dan) picked his outfits n he looked like a snacc and a half (would’ve been 2 snaccs if he’d embraced the quiff sooner but that’s getting ahead of things) (x)

!!!! then a week or so later dan posted his vid ‘daniel and depression’ where he opened up abt his struggle with depression (x) which was imo the start of him just being more open about himself in general. he also started working with young minds (a mental health org for young people in the uk) and shortly thereafter with prince william’s program to help prevent cyberbullying

then! on the day love was invented! dnp released their board game, truth bombs (x - yeah i linked the second vid and not the first, and wot) which u can buy if you’d like but it’s a lot of fun (x)

then these idiots did a conjoined jumper baking challenge and didn’t fucking wear shirts under the jumper like what dumb gays idk (x) but it was real funny and Good Content

then early nov dnp announced the interactive introverts tour (x) and then uhhh it happened (like 80+ shows??? in a ton of countries???) (x) and they’re releasing the filming of it along with some bonus content like a director’s commentary and u can preorder it (x)

also pinof 9 happened which as a legacy phan u know is always a Thing but this year it was especially a Thing so i recommend catching up (x, and the bloops - x)

and phew okay that’s the majority of 2017 Important Events but before i go on to 2018 i’ll just recap a few important events from dapg (basically just some gamingmas stuff):

wherein dan smacked phil in the face

and phil crushed the presents but dan helped him up

where phil pretended not to remember gamingmas was happening, leading to the most iconic simultaneous heart eyes howell/love eyes lester to date

dnp singing baby it’s cold outside together whilst playing yasuhati

iconic pinof 9 moment

dnp play charades but it’s phil’s turn, and he’s touchy

the not my arms challenge!!! playing mario kart

okay! and before anyone starts yelling i know there’s more but god if i put every iconic thing in this post would break there’s Too Much so let’s hop into 2018 bc it’s gonna be a long one

first i cannot believe dan fucking gave phil a philussy cake and phil’s parents asked phil what it meant jfc dan (x)

THE EARRING!!! dan’s first selfie with the lil hoop and it never leaves and we love it (x)

phil is just trying to take a selfie and dan ruins it (x) spoiler alert: phil gets him back in colorado (x)

okay big sigh two large events happen in march: the first, dan’s ‘trying to live my truth’ vid (x) it basically dan saying ‘i’m still figuring things out but i want to be more authentic and true to myself, and also authenticity is important for some people to feel happy in life’ vid that a lot of people hyperfixated on the end line of, where he said he would go ‘laugh at a joke with a chocolate bar and...something else in my mouth’ which people assumed meant a dick and therefore it was a subtle coming out vid, dan did a liveshow afterward (x) wherein he said that wasn’t the point of the vid and people got mad at him for ‘backtracking’ (if u want more of my Opinions on this feel free to check em out - x)

the second v v big event happened at the end of march when phil posted this iconic selfie that would be the downfall of the fringe (x) this has been titled the quiffening by some

shortly after that he began styling his hair in a quiff permanently which was probably the best decision he’s made since responding to one of his obsessed fans back in 2009

quick detour dan’s proud of his hubby (x) for winning fortnite and ‘fuxkung’ is now what ‘fucking’ autocorrects to in my phone

we also had dan releasing his merch (x) which is basically all black and themed around the eclipse logo and ‘don’t talk to me’, though he just released the exist line for world mental health day which has his quote ‘have the courage to exist’. he’s also mentioned possibly wanting to do more creative things like wide-necked or asymmetrical shirts dan just do a fashion line pls oh and he mentioned in a recent ls he might do an internet support group mug sometime soon

and then,,,,,pigeonfest. we watched. five hours. of phil livestreaming their patio. and literally nothing happened bc someone was like down on the street feeding pigeons so there weren’t even any pigeons for like 90% of the liveshow. but he literally didn’t talk it was just five hours of their patio and we all watched it. we all just watched it like the whipped phannies we are (x)

and then we got a brief but overwhelming dose of,,,,,,something from the easter baking vid (x) phil was hopped up on sugar and also confidence from his quiff and probably smth else as well

everything just blows up from there we have giving the people what they want (x) where, in preparation for ii (for which the underlying theme was ‘giving people what they want’), dnp reacted to pinof 1, swapped clothes, did the ‘yoga challenge’, recreated ditl manchester, ‘got a dog’, and made phil say fuck. honestly it shook the entire phandom to its core at the time but like. i’m less shooketh now? it’s sort of just fallen by the wayside in terms of how unpredictable dnp have been this year

then phil drops week in the life of dnp shortly thereafter which is just very very domestic even for them and their ditl style vids??? (x) phil filming dan in bed being one of the big demon highlights at the time

it’s right around this time too that insta stories start and my god it just goes jfc like i don’t even have the mental capacity to recall all the Iconic ones but i recommend checking out this playlist (x) which has all the ii tour stories goddamn there were a lot though they really put out that content didn’t they

in early may we get phil talking about why he changed his emo hair (x) and arguably the first official vid of the casual rebrand - phil’s more open and genuinely vulnerable about his fears about making a change to his hair, and i don’t think we’ve ever seen him that open before. the vids don’t stop being open though, with what dnp text each other (x) giving us coop and doop along with other iconic stories, dnp basically sitting on top of each other in that and other gaming vids on the tour bus, phil being very open abt his attraction to men (x) and the iconic final google feud vid with way too much of a specific kind of Energy (x) (ofc again there are More Vids but i don’t have the time/mental capacity to recap them all so i’m pickin the Big Ones)

monochrome mates (x)

phew okay so the tour in general as well - like if u don’t mind spoilers, i did a big ol analysis of what that was all about (x) but one of many many highlights is dan calling he and phil “best friends and soulmates” 

finally finally finally after months of waiting we also get some phil merch! (x) plant and animal themed, and he even released a lion plushie which sold out like instantly and he claimed he’d do more of but we have yet to see that. he says he’s got more ideas for other merch as well

now okay fast forward to october after the tour’s over bc i think the insta stories and the analysis cover it but then. then. then we get the pizza mukbang (x) thirty three minutes of dnp being more open and honest and casual than literally they’ve ever been on camera maybe ever, and i’m including liveshows in this statement. no holds barred, authentic vulnerable dnp. a religious experience

end of october spooky week hits us and i think the key vid to call out here is the creepy mind of phil lester bc i think it was another open honest authentic vid (x) where they talked a lot, casual domestic w.e got some insight into phil’s mind it was v good

and then they carve pumpkins jfc which was an experience (x) there were a lot of innuendos but also one of the first years they didn’t do a halloween baking in a while (though they have hinted at possibly doing christmas baking) idk i’m fully overwhelmed at this point lmao like a Lot happened this year

phew okay and Then just yesterday philly dropped his vid on why he went to (the) hospital (x) idk soz that’s a british thing i think like we say ‘the’ anyway. which i’ve been talking abt quite a lot lately but it was another very open and honest vid in which he expressed a lot of vulnerability and fear and perceived flaws and it was just a quality like. open vid.

jfc okay hope that helps obviously there’s a lot i didn’t mention, but this should at least get you caught up on some of the big stuff!! and while i’m at it have a few more Important Gifs from this year

a very important moment of communication whilst on tour, deciding whether or not they’re okay with doing a ‘third wheel’ pose

dan flinging himself off the chair in anger whilst playing getting over it

nose boop from phil’s instagram explore pages vid

subsequent nose boop from the extreme tetris vid

and a cheek boop from the overcooked 2 vid

dan pulling phil’s hand off the mouse in fear during spooky week, swamp simulator (shrek slender)

touchy!dan during pizza mukbang

oh god. okay. again, this is not everything, just a big list of some big events over the past year-ish. i’m sure i’ve missed some important stuff but i think i covered most of it! hope this helps ya get caught up dear!

[paw-patrol-kiddo]

2018 for my regressive side

Oh my gosh, we’re at the end of the year already! It went by sooooo fast!!! I’m a shook baby hee hee hee

Anyways, as some of y’all may remember, I did a post like this last year! Things have happened since then, things have changed-- and I wanna cover it all! I don’t think I’d call this the best year of my life (I say this because I’m not so sure about 2017 being the best year of my life anymore tbh), but it was still pretty dang good!!! Had its hard parts and such, bu otherwise, was a v good year!!!!

Y’all probs know the drill: I write mostly about my age regression adventures this year, with occasional bits of my Teenage Life(tm) sprinkled in here and there! I try to keep the latter to very important events, though (frankly, I think I have failed terribly at this, but do I care? At this point in my life, not really tbh), and mostly focus on regression when I can.

If you wanna do somethin like this for what this year held for your regressive side, feel free to!! I’d love if ya tagged me in it so I can read it!

Are we ready for the year review? I am and hope you are! It’s below the cut if ya wanna read it! Here we go!!!

January of course started off with my 16th birthday! It also marked five years (note: I miswrote this as either five or six in my first year review post! It’s actually been five, almost six years now) since I started liking diapies again, something that’s been a part of my life on-and-off since 2010 for sure, though I think I’ve liked them since at least 2008 according to my memories and the vibes I get from them!

“Chloe, why is this important?” You probably ask as you read that sentence.

Well, personally, I think it’s a huge part of what led me to begin age regressing! I started off liking diapies, then I started wondering about “being and acting like a baby/toddler again”, I started acting on some of the desires and urges I got as a result whenever I could, and well, it went on from there as we can see!

Towards the end of this month, I got some cool baby toys, more toddler snacks, and another pack of binkies! That was a pretty good-ish day from what I’m able to remember. c:

Oh yeah! I gots another rattle before then! She was one of the only good parts of a terrible day. I still love her so much.

This month, I also began seeing a friend irl again that I refer to here as friendo! We first met when we were 12, saw each other again twice when we were both 13, and then never met again... until back in 2017 at a Halloween event! For most of this year, we saw each other weekly, and I’m so happy to say that friendo is my best irl friend. He’s really an amazing guy. He doesn’t know it, but he’s helped me get through the rest of my depressive episode.

Yup, I said it. Remember when I said I thought the episode I had back in November last year was over and that I probably just cheated one and thus was irritable as a result? Hoo, buddy, I was so wrong... I was still depressed and had no idea and it blew up in my face. It was bad. I’m talking being hardly able to get my chores done, being able to get out of bed being a miraculous achievement, happiness being a rare feeling. 

It was so bad that my doctor told me if I kept having problems, we’d have to talk about “getting a mood stabilizer or anti-depressant on board”. 

Fortunately, it hasn’t reached that point, and things started getting gradually better when I finally admitted I was depressed and got help after things took a sharp turn for the worse briefly (my parents even let me take a few days off of my chores so I could focus on resting and recovery! They’re no strangers to depression themselves).

The only happy thing I can really note during this time involving regression is that I discovered one of the very few things that could make me feel happy that wasn’t involving my special interests: Wearing diapers. It’s kinda funny to me!  Depressed me was quick to figure out that was likely one of her best ways to cope. 

That event sucks because now whenever I start feeling sad for more than one day, well, as you can imagine I immediately begin worrying that it’s coming back for another round. Whenever I stop feeling as happy, I start observing myself more closely. The thought of it coming back actually scares me.

I know one thing for sure: If that beast comes back, I’m going to get myself medicated for it ASAP. I’d really rather not, but if it comes back, then I guess it’s safe to say that seeing as I’ve struggled with depression on-and-off since at least 2013, medication’s probably a good idea!

Man! How’s that for a ramble? Let’s move on and talk about February! My ex came back to me after he stopped talking to me in October. At first, I was so happy! I quickly began befriending him again, especially after I learned that his ex-girlfriend, whom he had just broke up with, was less-than-ideal towards him.

But then I discovered he wanted to get back with me and was actively trying to get me to. I was scared if I flat-out said “I do not want to get back with you. I want to just be friends”, he’d flip out in the bad way. Honestly, he probably would. So what did I do?

Did what I felt was best to do with the help of Mama.

Let’s just say we’re not friends anymore. :3c I still feel bad about it sometimes, but hey, I can write An Actual List of problems involving our relationship, romantic and otherwise, so I guess it’s valid to not be comfortable with being his friend anymore, especially since it’s clear he just wants me back with him, no matter how I feel. He still stares at me whenever we play baseball. It bothers me a lot. Hopefully, he’ll get over me soon.

On the more positive and regressive side of things, some cool things happened. Friendo also pretty much called me out about me being little a lot (even when I’m big!) and accepted it without realizing it. Some may say he didn’t, but I think he did and it means so much to me. Pretty sure I almost cried of joy when that happened. I think about it every now and then and love friendo a little more. He’s a keeper for sure when it comes to friends!

March was w i l d. First day into the month, I literally had one of my then-rare nonverbal episodes. I was worried that maybe I was beginning to become depressed again as I noticed I was beginning to feel more tired. As I know now, turns out it was just my autistic burnout kind of setting back in-- oh, and my anxiety beginning to reach the point where I couldn’t cope anymore. But I didn’t know this at the time.

I shrugged it off briefly-- until I had another episode while on voice-chat with friendo. And another one the next day while on a real life trip to a museum. And then another when Kim came to visit... The nonverbal episodes rapidly became a close-to-daily experience, sometimes totally daily. As I watched myself “regress” as my mom and aunt put it, I was confused and scared about what was happening to me. The confusion eased once I figured out it was burnout, but obviously the fear didn’t really.

I went off my ADHD medication I was taking at the time (Adderall) towards the end of the month. I still find it interesting that I couldn’t regress on it. I don’t quite know why! I just couldn’t.

I tried taking two other medications after, but they... didn’t quite work, at least in pleasant ways. I won’t go into detail on those!

Kiddo-wise, I got new window curtains for my room! They’re one of the first things I see every morning. It’s very nice~ One of the things that gives my room the kiddy vibe of it. Oh, and I got a Paw Patrol bowl this month, too! I love to eat Cheerios out of it~

Literally the last day of this month, guess what happened? Kim moved in! That was an awesome day~ It sucked seeing her cry, though (that part right there? A bit of a personal part that I suppose I won’t share since I’m not sure if she’d be okay with it or not)

April was a Nice Month! I finally started going to occupational therapy (I was originally going to start in May, but I got pushed forward a month) and I can say with confidence it’s helped me a lot in the time I got to go. My occupational therapist taught me a lil trick I can do before I actually try eating any foods I want to try and it’s made my life much easier. I can try all the kiddy foods I want now without feeling as anxious about it! :D Who would’ve known that I’d like peanut butter sandwiches and string cheese? I wouldn’t have! Also, the Wilbarger brush? A gift to mankind imo

What else happened this month? Let’s see here... I went on anxiety medication via suggestion of my therapist/psychologist (oh my gosh, life-changer right there friends, 10/10, I actually don’t know how I lived without it), watched my nonverbal episodes take a major decrease afterwards, and Mommy surprised me with a pack of diapies with tapes! I can definitely say I prefer diapies with tapes, but I’m not that picky. Actually, I kind of am. It depends on how old I’m regressing to. Then I’m kinda picky, heh heh

May tbh? A pretty quiet month. All I can note is that summer break started for Kai and I and we both got to actually take a full summer break without the usual math-work we have to do! (I’m dyscalculic and prone to what my mom and I call “math skill regression”, so that’s why I have to practice. Idk about Kai, but I think it’s because she seems to have some difficulties with math herself)

The day I was told about our Complete Summer Break(tm), man, I flipped! I told myself I would make this summer the littlest one ever! Did I succeed? Sadly, no. But hey, there’s always next summer! And the next one if that doesn’t work out...

June was super-duper cool! I got a new bed to replace my queen-sized one and I managed to get a complete Paw Patrol bed set for it! I love my bed so much~ It’s so cute and Literally Perfect, especially when we consider the fact that I also have a weighted blanket with Elsa and Anna from Frozen on it! (I’ve actually had it for about two years now, but it’s not shown in the photo-set in the link!) Oh, and let’s not forget the Pillow Pet I’ve used as my main pillow since I first received it back in 2010! (That’s not in the photo-set either!)

The day after I got my new bed? Baseball ended for the summer. I knew what to do the first Saturday of no baseball. Funny enough, as if she read my mind, Mama surprised me with some Paw Patrol bandages that day! They always cheer me up whenever I get a boo-boo :3c

Towards the end of this month, I celebrated this blog’s one year anniversary! I am seriously so glad I made this blog. If I hadn’t, I can’t imagine what my life would be like, where I’d still be hiding this from A LOT of people, where I likely wouldn’t have met and become friends with quite a bit of y’all, where I wouldn’t have become more comfortable with myself. I’m sure I’d be very unhappy and feeling so trapped and lonely involving this. Otherwise... I simply can’t imagine what my life would be like otherwise.

As if I observed this day without thinking, I went to the Dollar Store pretty much next to Easter Seals (where I went for occupational therapy) place and had quite the shopping trip! That was fun~

July was a pretty nice month, I suppose! Early this month marked one year since I first wore a diaper for the first time since my first childhood! I just had to observe it in a specific way (aka wearing a diaper), only the day before the actual anniversary itself. Funny enough, Kim’s cat ended up coming to live with us that day! Her name is Rogue and she's really cute! She can be really mean sometimes, though. She ended up having kittens later this month~

Another regression-related thing that happened was that while we were on vacation, I got some cool toys! I got a train with lil block things on it, three stacking cars, a pink spiky ball, and two teddy rattles! I... still need to post pictures of those, apparently. I also got a dinoroar plushie that I named Jackson! He’s one of my favorite plushies and I love him a lot. I should post a piccy of him on here sometime!

Something else that happened on vacation was that I went nonverbal the second day of being there. Everyone, including me, was chill since it was normal by then. I went to bed that night and woke up the next morning, only to find I was still nonverbal. Talk about quite a shock for everyone! (I normally stop being nonverbal once I sleep, so this was really weird for me)

I ended up spending the rest of the vacation nonverbal, which I was pretty chill with, save for some problems communicating in a hot-tub without my tablet (Kim had a hard time keeping up with what I signed). 

The day after we got home, back came my verbal skills. Five days later? If I’ve got my memory of what day correct, I heard Dad coming home from where he volunteers occasionally and suddenly got the paralyzing feeling in my throat I usually get just before I go nonverbal. In around ten minutes, I was nonverbal, but for seemingly no reason. 

Save for two or so brief breakthroughs, I spent quite a while without mouth-words. My family and therapist and I have figured out what the cause is likely since then. (It’s quite long... I actually had the explanation here, but removed it cause it was Way Too Long. If anyone’s curious, I’m okay with talking about it if anyone wants to message me n ask about it~)

August isn’t very exciting! 

Non-kiddo wise, I got my IPad to use as an AAC device! I use Proloquo2go on it if anyone’s curious. I honestly love it a lot.

Kiddo-wise, the only thing I can really note is that I... kinda started sucking my thumb again. Oops :3c Kim’s made me mostly stop though, by kind of using consequences for me if I didn’t stop and get my chew necklace I like to suck on (One big example I can think of: “Go get your necklace or we won’t cuddle anymore.”). She even had Kai take over redirecting me when she left for Texas the next month! It’s not fun, but I guess I don’t need to risk making my already severe overbite worse.

September didn’t have a lot either! The only thing I can think of noting is that I tried some Paw Patrol mac n cheese. Either the two or so brands I’ve tried weren’t that good or I just don’t like mac n cheese! Who knows? I’m probably gonna try Kidfresh’s mac n cheese if I can actually find it irl and if I don’t like it, I think we can safely conclude that I just don’t like mac n cheese.

October was a v nice month as semi-usual the past couple years! I finally got some Kidfresh food to try out. I like their super-blastin’ triple cheese pizza bites a lot! I don’t like their chicken meatballs, though. I have quite a bit of foods I wanna try from Kidfresh next and I can’t quite decide which, but I’ll probably try their cheese pizza or chicken nuggets or maybe their fish sticks next!

I also went trick-or-treating for Halloween! it was super fun, except when Kai got upset about being treated Not So Great by others (Example: People loved to give kiddos multiple pieces of candy and just give her one piece when her turn came, despite having lots of candy for everyone... Can confirm this myself) and when I used my IPad to say trick-or-treat for the first time there, I was greeted by the lady turning away from me, apparently no longer paying attention to me, and beginning to go on about “kids playing on their phones and tablets”... How’s that for hurtful? Last time I checked, Halloween was for everyone, no matter how they say trick-or-treat.

In case anyone’s wondering, I’m going trick-or-treating again next year and have no plans to stop ever cause I’m stubborn. :3c I’m just going to find a place that will be cool with people “too old to be trick-or-treating” trick-or-treating to take my trick-or-treating business-- and hey, maybe I won’t have to encounter any ableism there!

November has nothing I can note besides me getting a new pair of overalls! This was not only useful seeing as I might be getting close to outgrowing my first pair I got a few years back, but also welcome! It’s nice having overalls that are blue instead of some green country print thing all over.

December was... an adventure! I slowly began regaining my mouth words, which means that I can babble again (A lot of the sounds I make while babbling are apparently inaccessible to me when I’m nonverbal as I’ve discovered)! It’s nice being able to babble to myself again when I’m very small instead of just staying silent and occasionally giggling, squealing, and perhaps vocal stimming in the way I’m able to when I’m nonverbal.

At Walmart, while shopping for some fellow kiddo friends (y’all know who y’all are, hee hee hee~), I ended up picking up some small stuff for myself! I got another Paw Patrol plate, a set of bath toys, and a doggie and piggy rattle! I’ve posted a piccy of the plate already, but not everything else! Guess that’s some of the stuff I need to do for next year~

Christmas was great! I got lots of toys! I also got quite a bit of Paw Patrol merch! I love my new toys so much. I’m especially glad that I finally have more blocks to play with, and another Mr. Potato Head I can make super great creations with, like monsters n aliens disguised as a repairman!

Oh! I also got a Fisher-Price record player toy after wanting it for so long! I love it soooo much!! Whenever I play with it, I get so flappy n clappy n wiggly n vocal stimmy... I just have so much love for it! It’s definitely one of my favorite toys to play with right now.

I also got a 3D model of the solar system that I’m gonna build n hang up in my room sometime soon! I actually had a 3D model of the solar system in one of my kiddo room fantasies for the longest time omg. Oooh, if I can find a way to get rid of the popcorn ceiling (never put glow-in-the-dark stuff on a popcorn ceiling), I bet it would go so good with another glow-in-the-dark star set that also includes a big 3D moon and 6 meteorite stones! Y’all, my room just gets cuter and more kiddie-like as time goes on...

As we can all see, I’ve had quite the year! It’s had its good and bad parts of course, and I’d say overall, it was a pretty good year! Hmm, you know what? I should list some people who have played a role in making this year Great!

Mommy - Mama, I can’t even begin to express how thankful I am for all you’ve done for me. The past year you’ve taken me to therapy appointments, held me and bottlefed me, and helped me finally get occupational therapy after wanting to go for 3 years. You’re such a beautiful person, inside and out. You love me for who I am, and I love you for who you are right back <3

Daddy - I didn’t list you last year, but to be honest, I think I should this year! You’re trying your best and I can appreciate that. From taking me to therapy appointments, to being okay with me using bottles and sippy cups, to getting me that Paw Patrol nightlight back in May if I’m correct, you’ve done a lot for me. You’re a good dad. I need to tell you that more often. I love you Daddy.

Kai - You’re such a good sister I can’t even begin-- You’re just? so accepting of me??? and you’re such a good person???? I’m love you????? Seriously, thank you for being there for me pretty much all our lives and taking care of me whenever I needed it, especially early this year during my depressive episode. Love ya sis <3

Kim - I, umm... I love you!! You’re so sweet, gentle, and you’re so accepting of my age regression (or as you call it, “identifying as a 7-year-old”). I had lots of fun browsing the toy aisle with you that one time! I’ve miss you lots since you decided to stay in Texas back in October, but hey, at least you’ll visit us sometimes! And you’ve got a nice man I actually like to live your life with. Love ya sissy <3

Ray - You’re super cool and adorable~ (Random fun fact: I tend to think of you whenever I read- or hear- the word “Ray”) Also, I still love that mood board ya made me back in 2017. I’m never gonna get over it! Hope you’re doing alright, buddy <3

Cass - It’s been even longer since we talked! You haven’t been on Tumblr in a while it seems, actually. I hope you’re doing okay and that you’re just busy (in a good way, preferably) and that’s why you haven’t been online! You’re so cute and sweet. Whenever I can, you know what I’m gonna do? Take a picture of my bumblebee plushie and send it to you, just for you <3

Leah - Oh goodness, you’re someone else who I haven’t talked to in a while, as well as who seems to not have been as active as of late. I hope you’re doing okay! I can’t thank you enough for the times you checked on me when I wasn’t okay. You are... so sweet I literally can’t

Meena - You are literally... so cute! You’re super sweet, too! I always have lots n lots of fun whenever we video-chat n talk together! You n Iku are actually the first people whom I met on Tumblr I’ve gotten to video-chat with! Also, your cats are so pure n good I can’t. Please pet them for me if you can! (I love both you and Iku so much)

All my followers - Whether or not we’ve talked before, I love and appreciate all of my followers! According to my Totally Professional Research(tm), I have discovered a link between my followers and cuteness! I have lots of love for each and every one of y’all. Thanks for following me~

2018 has proven to be quite the adventure full of different discoveries, like that I’m very good at horse-riding, that I can spend at least an hour playing with my rattles and other baby toys if I want to, that I apparently have IBS... It’s been quite the ride!

This year has also proven to be the year of growth for me. I’m beginning to stand up for myself and my needs more often, I’ve become more proud of who I am, and each day that passes, I love myself more and continue to become less afraid to be who I truly am.

I can’t wait to see what next year will bring, and what kind of person I’ll become as time goes on. I’m sure my evolution of who I am as a person isn’t quite finished yet. Whatever I become, it’s bound to be wonderful. And most importantly, I get to enter next year with each and every one of y’all.

From my plushies, plush rattles, and I, happy, happy new year! May you learn to love yourself if you haven’t quite yet, your babas/sippies/kiddo cups always remain full of your favorite kiddo drink, and you always have lots of your favorite kiddy/baby things, whether it’s toys, diapies, binkies, or baby food n toddler snacks! 

As always, remember to stay little/tiny/small.

[themikewheelers]

sorry if you've been asked before, what's your opinion on episode 7? imo it was poorly executed, i doubt they will ever invite that particular director for any other episodes

(Continued) same anon. Thomas who directed episode 7 had very little experience with directing, all the other invited directors were experienced and somewhat famous. now i'm wondering who thought it was a good idea to invite Thomas. the script was weak too, like you said sometimes the duffers' ideas are not exactly brilliant, i wish we had a better episode 7 cause the season overall was fantastic

Yeah idk. I def have my problems with ep7, but I don’t think it rlly had anything to do with the directing. I think the way it was written was just v messy and it was structured v badly? Structuring was its main problem tbh. It was a really, really important episode but it just flat out should not have been it’s own episode. They ended ep6 on such a big cliffhanger and then just had us sit through almost an hour of a completely unrelated plotline with a VERY different tone before just sending us back to one of the biggest climaxes of the main plot. Like I ADORE the scene of El on the bus at the end of the episode, but the transition between that and the first scene of ep8 is so messy and choppy honestly. Right between the events of eps 6 and 8 was just a rlly messy spot to begin with and it made everything feel v out of whack for me. And honestly it’s biggest problem was that having it all just shoved into like 50 minutes just... was overwhelming? Ep7 had a STRESSFUL plotline to begin with like the literal plot of the episode is about Eleven losing herself and running away and falling into a crowd that’s not rlly who she wants to be and then eventually making her way back. It’s stressful to watch, esp the first time. And like as a fan of the show who’s watched every episode hundreds of times I’m desensitized at this point, but 95% of the shows viewers? They’re gonna watch everything only one or two times through, and episode 7 is still a LOT to take in. And the plot being stressful aint a criticism bc that’s just... the plot, and it is important, and it’s stressful for a REASON. But when u couple the plot with just some of the actual criticisms it all contributes to a v overwhelming episode in a bad way. For example, tthe entire episode is honestly just an information overload? Every single scene we’re literally being bombarded with new information and it’s just a LOT to take in at once without any real breaks or cuts to the other characters. And I really think they could have avoided all that if instead of dedicating a whole episode to it they just took the same exact scenes and broke them up and divided them among eps 6, 7, and 8. It’s also weird too bc like, we go from ep 6 where Eleven isn’t there at ALL, to an entire episode that’s JUST her, and then back to an entire episode without her again (with the exception of the last 30 seconds). That just feels v choppy to me. And the overall tone of the episode is just so different from the rest of the show and I don’t think that’s necessarily bad and I like how they explored new things with it, but I do think dedicating 50 minutes straight right in the middle of a major part of the main plot to something so different just feels v weird. Watching eps 6, 7, and 8 consecutively literally feels like ur watching some horror/action movie, and then get stopped for a tediously long commercial break, and then the movie comes back on right as someone gets murdered. 

I love Eleven, she’s absolutely my favorite character on the show, and I love everything the episode added to her characterization. The plot of the episode is super important, and some of my favorite moments from the entire show come from that episode, but I just think from a writing perspective the structuring of the episode was rlly messed up and that’s where most of the criticism from it arises. 

[thewebcomicsreview]

I have a question: what exactly Homestuck is about? I remember trying to read this atrocity of a comics and failing utterly at it. I'm still curious what it was about. I mean a ton of people liked it for some unspeakable reason but why?

While Homestuck is officially split into 7 acts, it’s better to look at it as being three parts.

Part 1 (the first four acts), is about a bunch of kids playing a video game that transports them into a fantasy land while destroying all life on Earth. At the time, you could actually submit suggestions of things for characters to do, and Hussie would have them do the options he liked the most while guiding the story, making Homestuck one of the largest games of DnD in history, which is a big part of why early Homestuck is so fucking brutal to read now (it took me three tries to get past act 1). The appeal lay in the interactive elements, and the slow reveal of what the magical world of Sburb was all about and what the point of everything was. While Sburb followed video game rules, it was treated as mysterious and magical, and the mysteries were slowly peeled away one by one

Part 2 (Act V) is when the trolls start to take center stage. While there were still some mysteries (the biggest one being “How on Earth did Jade fuck up so bad that so much time travel had to happen), it became much more character-based, and a major subplot started about how one of the trolls - Vriska - was actively sabotaging everyone in a vaguely-religious crusade to make herself the most important self-insert Mary Sue in the story, a subplot that’s a lot more interesting that I’m making it out. This is the peak of Homestuck’s popularity and also, imo, it’s quality. There’s a very good sense of slow dread as the situation just gets worse and worse for all involved building up to a fantastic climax, with the “murderstuck” arc between [S] Wake and [S] Cascade being one of my all-time favorite webcomic storylines. 

And then…

Act 6. 

At this point, the story is basically 90% over. But Homestuck is a massive hit that raised millions of dollars for a game and had Dante Basco involved and serious talk of a TV Show adaption. It can’t just end! And, with Act 5 having ended with resetting the universe so that 4 different kids played the game, it’s time to to Homestuck….again! But, y’know, slower. 

So, Act 1, notorious for it’s slow-even-for-Homestuck pacing and needing to establish all the rules of how the game works, has John arrive in the magical world after 250 panels.

Act 5 Act 1, which showed the entire adventure of all twelve trolls, skipped over information we already knew and did things out of order to take advantage of the fact that we all understood the rules already (and to dole out new information at an even pace), allowing it to introduce all the new characters, various complex relationships, and the big reveal of what Sburb is before wrapping up at a brisk 634 panels. 

Act 6 has four kids (and two Cherubs) to introduce, and basically no more mysteries about Sburb. Everything is told in a chronological order with almost no wacky time-travel shenanigans. Jane sets foot in Sburb after 707 panels, longer than the entirety of Hiveswap. What was happening in those pages? 

People liked trolls, so there was a lot of time spent establishing Trolls with interesting storylines who, once being introduced, never did anything again, including two evil trolls, one Troll mind-controlled into being evil by her boyfriend, and a troll who did some mysterious thing that was crucial to ensure ultimate victory that was so mysterious we never actually learned what it was. 

Now, there were dramatic storylines like Rose becoming an alcoholic out of boredom (it’s a good sign when the last three years of your sci-fi adventure comic has all the characters constantly bored), and Terezi getting into an abusive relationship, but it all ended up being filler, because….

The retcon. 

Christ.

Everyone in this house is drunk but me right now.

Okay.

So, John gets the power to change the past, which isn’t how time travel has worked in Homestuck up to this point. He is given a plan to go back and prevent Vriska from dying (Nepeta, Equuius, Feferi can fuck off I guess because none of them came back). He fucks the plan up, but it doesn’t actually matter because at this point in the story nothing matters and we were all fools to think it world. We get a montage of how Vriska being alive caused none of the dramatic plots to ever happen, and then….the comic….kind of…..ends? Vriska’s character development is undone, and she solves everyone’s problems and even steals her pre-retcon ghost’s girlfriend, and nothing ever goes wrong and the characters, who even in-story no longer give a shit about the plot, realize that the big bad never did anything bad to them personally so who gives a shit, and they escape into a frog and get some chumps to rebuild earth and restore the human and troll races because they kind of can’t be bothered. 

It’s really hard to explain how terrible the ending was; the actual explicit canon ending of Homestuck is that the cast got bored of the plot and wandered off and maybe the someone killed the bad guy but we’re not sure because no one could be assed to check how the big battle ended. 

What was left of Homestuck’s fanbase basically gave up at that point, and I don’t blame them at all. To the very end people were expecting a big twist because so many plot points weren’t being resolved, but nope. It just farts out of existence.

There was a sequel story on snapchat, but no one cared enough to install snapchat for it so it Jane got kidnapped and then it stopped updating.

I realize that I answered your question of “why did people like Homestuck” with “Why do people hate Homestuck now”, but it kind of is the same answer. Homestuck raised mysteries, and gave satisfying answers to enough of them that we were compelled to follow it to the end, only to realize we’d been Steven Moffated and the rest of the answers would never come.  

[herrikhan]

hey hi i need to do a giant meta on cha boy

first some clarification/context:

“Forever” is the land of “the Immortals” in the book and it’s basically like. heaven. where all the cool people who did awesome things go. saints, great scientists, righteous rules, etc., all those types of people end up in Forever as Immortals.

The Universe exists as like. an entity. in and of itself. it’s basically god in this whole knockoff christianity thing. it creates things and occasionally speaks to them, but the vast majority of the time it’s just the ocean all the fish live in so to speak; it will set people on paths and vaguely influence the tide of humanity to keep things ~in balance~ but it NEVER directly interferes if it can help it. however, it did directly interfere in herrikhan’s case, because he tried to declare himself the one true god and The Universe was like “yeah no you need to stop”

OKAY SO................. herrikhan was a star originally, like a literal star in the sky, but he really wanted to just go chill on earth i guess, and since he was one of The Universe’s most favorite and beloved... creations? beings? (which is a direct rip-off of the whole satan and god thing i know I KNOW bear with me it will get less blatantly christian as we go on) The Universe was like “sure thing lil dude, just bring another star with you for the buddy system, text us when you get there okay” and thus herrikhan and his pal sofya both went to earth. don’t ask me when this was because it was a VERY long time ago, like, pre-christianity a long time ago

if i may be so bold....... CHRISTIANITY was the one who ripped off HERRIKHAN........ and this is probably the only place i’m ever going to say that because i’m just here to have fun not to be That Atheist

herrikhan and sofya both had magic powers obviously and they both sought to build those powers but !!! and this is very important !!! herrikhan sought power through action while sofya sought power through knowledge. herrikhan became a conqueror and tyrant who used his magic to suppress people; sofya became an advisor and wise woman who used her magic to see all sides and outcomes of a situation and offer the best solution for all parties.

sofya in the book is kind of like an oracle: she can see all of time, and thus she can offer guidance or warnings, but she can’t see it clearly enough to change the future drastically. she knows what the basic outcome will be but not how that outcome will happen, and because of this, she can make mistakes/misjudgements. (this was the case with holly and herrikhan but i’ll talk about that later.)

herrikhan............. took over the world............. or at least a lot of it............ and he was a really shitty king but nobody could stop him because he’s the most powerful warlock in the universe at that point and nobody could even come close to rivaling him............ except for........... you guessed it............ sofya herself

so at that point sofya goes to The Universe like “hey so my best bro is a piece of shit now and i know he’s going to do something that absolutely warrants him being straight up destroyed from existence soon, but he’s still my best bro, and i can’t let any harm come to him, so maybe just imprison him forever in a really sucky place and only let him out when he’s proven that he can use his powers for good?” and The Universe was like “yeah okay” and then of course herrikhan tried to declare himself The Only Real God In The Whole Universe and The Universe was like bitch you fuckin thought

after that he gets stripped of many (not all) of his powers (it’s so much harder for The Universe to un-make something than it is to make something) and sent to odyl, which is basically hades/hell, it’s an underground prison that’s really hot because it’s close to the earth’s core and it’s just absolutely fucking miserable. it’s unclear in the book whether or not herrikhan was the first being to be sent to odyl, or just one of many, or if he was the only one? it says that he made himself the king and he has a gross little underling named beyschlag, but idk if that means that he like. killed everyone else or there was just nobody around to stop him or if there were others they just didn’t care. i personally like to think that he killed everyone else because it fits v nicely into my whole thing about him being Necessary Evil but i’m getting ahead of myself

pre-odyl herrikhan was very much like... a beautiful wizard. he could do amazing things. he was evil yeah but as much as he was feared and hated he was also loved and worshiped because he could show people wondrous things, he could perform god-like feats, he really was the personification of like, divinity as something that is simultaneously too beautiful and terrible for humans to comprehend. he wasn’t a gross boy yet. he ends up becoming a gross boy because that’s basically what odyl reduced him to and he just embraced it wholeheartedly

he can technically leave odyl and use magic outside of it, but it takes a tremendous amount of energy, and he must return each night to sleep in odyl

dark clouds and foul air signal his approach so he can’t take anyone by surprise anymore

he has a metal band literally screwed into his skull by The Universe so that he always has that band around his head and it’s basically his magical handcuffs; it dampens his powers and signals to everyone that he is a prisoner

he will be released if he can possess a heart of pure compassion, ie, if he learns to be good or is able to earn the love of someone who is good

now, The Immortals knew about herrikhan before he did all this and as he was doing it; some of them are able to see/go into the mortal world, and many of them had even met him at one point or another. so it’s like, Real Big Fuckin News when herrikhan gets sent to odyl. and his presence sticks around with The Immortals even after he’s in prison because

he can still visit them!!!!!! he can send curses their way, or send them dreams, or plagues, or whatever else he can possibly dream up to indirectly influence them. because of this he becomes a boogeyman figure among Immortals, and a lot of the magical creatures/fair folk/Immortals who didn’t start out as earthly beings tell their kids scary stories about him.

because of this he becomes known as the prince of nightmares and/or the prince of dreams

side note: at this point sofya has gone to Forever and lives there just chillin with all the other Immortals and she kind of becomes like... an athena-type figure, who protects mortals by giving them wisdom and guiding them onto the right path, as penance for not stopping herrikhan. she eventually becomes the advisor to the king of Forever, st. nicholas, aka santa claus, and later on, he and his wife make sofya the godmother of their daughter holly

now holly is very much. hm. like. a persephone type character. but also not? her whole deal is that she’s basically like, unconditional love personified. she was an immaculate birth given to nick and his wife by The Universe because some little kid was like “but santa what do YOU want for christmas” and nick was like fuck man i really want a kid but those pipes don’t work up here in Forever!!! and because of that there’s a whole big theme of holly being like, So Pure, So Loving, So Good

which is, of course, why herrikhan heard about holly’s birth and the first thing he did was devise a scheme to use her heart as his way out of odyl

he removes HIS OWN HEART and puts it in holly’s chest in order to freeze HER heart and keep it baby-pure forever, and by doing so he curses her to always be frozen (ie her default body temperature is super cold and she will overheat and die at normal human temperatures) and his logic is that the curse’s consequences will make her so sad and lonely and fed up that eventually she’ll just come to him like HERE TAKE MY STUPID HEART I DON’T WANT IT ANYMORE

he didn’t expect using his own heart to cause any side effects. well it fucking did because he later fell in love with her like a god damn idiot

this is the point where both holly and herrikhan’s fates are both sealed in complementary roles-- holly will be his ticket out of odyl, because they will fall in love, but at the same time, she won’t be with him if he’s still evil, so he has to at least try to be a good person for her to confess that she loves him and get him out

a bunch of stuff happens, holly grows up, she realizes that she’s the only person who was ever born into Immortality and resolves to do something about it by the time she’s an adult, and so on her 21st (i think in the book it’s 18 but that’s........... no) birthday she sneaks away to the mortal world and that’s where herrikhan goes after her to try and steal her heart

before holly leaves sofya says something cryptic to her about like. she’ll lose her heart there or something idk but sofya clearly interprets it as “herrikhan will find you and kill you” when in reality what ends up happening is “holly fulfills an age-old prophecy by getting a boyfriend”

ANYWAY

now’s the part where i can scream about herrikhan being Necessary Evil lmao

there’s a string going throughout the book where he sends holly dreams of odyl and like an enchanted telescope that lets her look into the mortal world and stuff and imo it’s meant to be like, ~oh he’s tempting her the way satan tempts people~............ but there’s also a scene where he just shows up in Forever and wreaks havoc for 10 seconds before disappearing (just to prove he can i guess??? idk) and it’s almost an exact description of the whole “the ground opened up and hades rose up and everyone was screaming and he stole persephone away” myth aspect so you can bet your sweet ass i’m keeping that and using it as evidence that They Should Have Gotten Together

like.... he’s evil. he doesn’t have a reason for being evil other than he just can. it’s not like he doesn’t know better, because he does. he just likes being evil and powerful and above everyone else. he never feels remorse for the things that he did, even after he meets holly. he doesn’t get saved or redeemed by holly loving him; he gets a new role among the powers that be, and that role just happens to be a true neutral one instead of a neutral evil one. it’s very much a reflection of the idea that hades didn’t just take persephone because he wanted her, but that there was a very specific plan by the gods for them to be together, and that both of them kind of Knew they were Meant For Each Other.

he regains his full powers, he loses the band around his forehead and it becomes his wedding ring instead, he isn’t really allowed in Forever but he makes his own home in the mortal world and probably remakes odyl to be a home as well. he goes from being the boogeyman to being a sort of instinctive fear-- he no longer haunts people’s dreams; he compels a woman to stay out of a dark alley, he compels a child not to play near a fast-moving stream. he becomes Necessary Evil in the sense that he’s still technically Evil but his deeds ultimately serve Good.

holly, in turn, earns her place as an Immortal by getting him out of odyl and changing his role. she becomes his wife and his keeper and it’s an equal dynamic between them, it’s a relationship built on mutual respect. they both know that the only reason he got out of odyl is because she said “i may love you but i will only be with you you if you do good” and he went and did good, and if at any point he stops doing good, she’ll leave him and The Universe will un-make him.

anyway this is so fucking long and i’m all in my feelings about a kids’ book discount bible story so i’m gonna stop here before i just start going in circles lmao