#immediate failure

[applejuiz]

sometimes I think about that study to test how long humans could be completely alone for and the longest someone lasted was 8 days, so thinking about that then keyleth spending what like 35 days not only completely alone but in 10x worse living condition then a test makes me feral and sad

Feral and sad is maybe the most accurate description of where Keyleth is at mentally rn

In more recent chapters, I think I really started to think through what it means to be by yourself for so long when you hate yourself as much as Keyleth does. As someone healing and working on my own self worth, it is hard being alone when you only trust the sense of worth you get from others. For Keyleth especially I think she’s someone who depends on her friends to understand herself, who fits herself into a role both in the world and in her party to judge herself. With everything stripped away, with the only goal to survive everyday, I feel like there would be equal parts freedom in that, to have such a simple metric by which to succeed and none of the expectations and judgements, but also a complete loss of self without external validation to gain any sense of identity.

(This will definitely be explored more in upcoming chapters, in case you couldn’t tell.)

And disclaimer: I’ve had such a joy writing this fic, it’s been incredibly therapeutic for me, but I think one big failing of mine is how I tend to approach canon divergence. For me, it’s always so exciting to work through a thought experiment of how themes and plots and character arcs would change because of a canon divergent event. I do think it means with this fic that I’ve been a little unequipped to explore just how much trauma Kiki has to work through. My poor girl has been through something incomprehensively difficult and, even as a writer, I struggle to imagine how she would be processing this.

I tend to respond to trauma by trying to create narratives around it, trying to find a lesson or a deeper meaning to carry forward with, so that’s what I think Keyleth has been doing in my fic. But this is an open invitation for anyone who has different conceptions of trauma responses to feel free to share their own interpretations of this idea.

Mostly I wrote this fic because I wanted to read it and in doing so, warped it’s raw conceptual potential with my own voice and perspectives. A part of me would write it again entirely different from a completely different angle and understanding. There’s so much I’ve discovered and thought of in retrospective about how she might react and recover (which I’ve been incorporating where I can).

All this to say, thank you for this ask! It really does help me put in perspective what this story is about and become obsessed with that raw concept again in the most feral and sad way.

[catre33]

I immediately failed

I'm gonna try to go a half an hour without thinking about good omens

starting NOW

[silverwhittlingknife]

So you're a go to source for all things Dick&Tim bros and you tend to write primarily from Dick's POV. So, odd question, but if you were to summarize their relationship from his POV in FIVE panels which panels would you pick? Keeping in mind that one specific aspect of their relationship that you love needs to be clearly represented by each panel (loyalty, trust etc). I hope this is a fun challenge and not an annoying question so if you don't want to answer that's cool! Have a wonderful day!

No more talk. The same thoughts run through two minds... (SotB 29) / You're my equal. My closest ally. (RR 1) / I can't stop thinking how much I rely on him. (GoG 3)

25 Feelings Dick Has About Tim

This was such a kind ask & a cool challenge which I totally failed; here are TWENTY-five panels of Dick's POV on Tim sdfdsfds Look, I got carried away! Marcia and Cindy! The boys!!

OKAY SO BEFORE I GET TO THE PANELS A FEW NOTES:

WARNING THAT THERE ARE SOME NEGATIVE EMOTIONS IN HERE because I love conflict but but but you gotta remember those are not the final word!! They are complicated people and sometimes they get mad at each other BUT ultimately their relationship is so hugely important in both their lives & they love each other and rely on each other so much -!!! <3

Also I have CONCLUDING THOUGHTS at the end about what Dick's POV leaves out (mostly: a lot of Dick defending & protecting & supporting Tim, which Dick does instinctively but isn't very self-aware about most of the time)

I have loosely organized my list into 5^5 format (5 categories with 5 examples each!), so if you want to skip to a relevant one, here are the categories!!

Below the cut:

I hate him and find him infuriating (#1-5)

On second thought, he's endearing & fun (#6-10)

Grief is complicated & he's all tangled up in mine (#11-15)

I love him & think highly of him (#16-20)

I rely on him & though it's hard for me, I trust him (#21-25)

I hate him and find him infuriating (#1 - 5)

1) He thinks he’s so smart and can psychoanalyze me and Bruce, but he doesn’t know me at all, he should get lost (New Titans 61)

2) He thinks he’s so smart and can psychoanalyze Bruce but he doesn’t know Bruce at all, he should get lost (Gotham Knights 26)

3) He is so nosy about stuff that is MY business (Robin 0)

4) He sounds like an insincere suck-up half the time... but okay, fine, if you push him he's got a sense of humor about it (New Titans 65)

5) I'm sure he's a better vigilante than me. It's my fault for being a failure, but I resent him anyway. (Nightwing 9 - Dick's having a nightmare)

On second thought, he's kinda endearing (#6-10)

6) He worries too much and gets anxious so easily, but it makes him fun to tease (Robin 67)

7) I'm not that competitive - okay, so maybe I'm a little competitive, I gotta make sure he doesn't get a swelled head (Prodigal)

8) I'm supposed to be his favorite! It is not cool for him to be fanboying over my not-girlfriend's not-boyfriend!! (Birds of Prey 19)

9) We have fun together. I can kick back and relax when it's just the two of us. Plus I get to boss him around a bit. (Prodigal)

10) He’s always trying to reassure me, and I guess it's a little comforting, but also he doesn’t really get it. Or me. He makes excuses that he shouldn't, because he doesn't understand that I suck. (Nightwing 64)

Grief is complicated and he's all tangled up in mine (#11 - 15)

11) He reminds me of everything I try not to think about. Sometimes the memories are so strong it hurts to look at him. (Batman 441)

12) WHY IS HE BEING IMPOSSIBLE ALL OF A SUDDEN??? THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING (Nightwing 139)

13) We're the same. He says all the things I don't let myself think about. It's like arguing with myself. (Nightwing 139)

14) He thinks he gets to tell me what to do but he doesn’t, fuck him (Battle for the Cowl)

15) Life sucks, so what. I sucked it up so he should too (RR 1)

I love him and think highly of him (#16 - 20)

16) He’s the closest thing to a brother I’ll ever have.  If someone hurts him I will hurt them harder. (Nightwing 6)

17) I can't handle the idea of losing him. (Nightwing 97)

17) He’s so good and I’m not. I'm afraid I’m bad for him. (Nightwing 110)

18) He’s better than me, and it’s kind of a relief because I know no matter what he’ll be okay. (Gates of Gotham 3)

19) In my head he’s the responsible one.  (Gotham Knights 10)

I rely on him, and though it's hard for me, I trust him (#20-25)

20) I know I have to trust him but I'm afraid he'll make the wrong choices and get hurt (Nightwing 139)

21) I'm sure I know what he should do because I see myself in him - not that I can take my own advice, but he should (Blackest Night 3)

22) I trust him.  When I’m losing my grip on things, he pulls me back. (Gotham Knights 10)

23) I want him to trust me (Red Robin 12)

24) He can tell when I'm lying. Sometimes he sees my weaknesses better than I wish he did. (Detective Comics 874)

25) He’s always there when I need him. (Teen Titans / Outsiders Secret Files)

Final rambling thoughts:

TIM: Uhh, okay, so I'm just skimming this list - do you really trust me? you're not just saying that? - but anyway, I'm confused because you left some stuff out? Like some stuff that's kinda important? DICK: No? I think I got everything? TIM (starts counting on his fingers): The time I was having a bad day but then I called you. The time I got captured by Two-Face but then you saved me. The time I fell off a train but then you saved me. The time I fell off a building but then you saved me. The time I fell off a different building - DICK: I feel like you're trying to make some kind of point but I'm not sure what it could be.

SO THE THING IS, I put 25 panels in here and not a single one has Dick catching Tim when he’s falling!!! But I think that's a central motif of their relationship from Tim’s POV, not Dick’s. I love Dick, but in some ways I think he is spectacularly un-self-aware.

And I think he especially has a lot of blind spots about Tim. He kinda intermittently gets that Tim admires him, and he enjoys it in a playful I-get-to-boss-you-around way. But Dick tends to consistently underestimate all of his own good qualities & skills, and he meets Tim at a point in his life when he's especially down on himself & his abilities. And so he's unable to see his own influence on Tim, & therefore unable to fully understand a lot of Tim's priorities and loyalties and motivations, because you can't actually understand Tim without understanding Dick's impact on him. There's a fascinating moment in Bruce Wayne: Murderer when Dick's completely blindsided & upset to discover that Tim doesn't entirely trust Bruce, even though this has been a definitive fact of Tim's whole thing ever since he showed up with his Batman needs Robin theory, and Barbara has to actively remind Dick of the obvious-to-everyone-except-Dick fact that a lot of Tim's loyalty is to Dick, and Tim loves Bruce but feels free to be more wary of him. (And to give Bruce credit: this is not something he ever begrudges.) But anyway Babs points this out, and Dick manages to sorta process it for about five seconds, but he cannot actually accept it into his worldview so instead he discards it at the speed of light and goes off and has an argument with Tim instead sdfsfdsf

All of Dick's virtues - Dick's kindness at the circus and Dick's determination to fight through grief and Dick's rigid sense of morals and Dick's vigilante skills and every time Dick has ever backed Tim up or listened to him or protected him or saved him from something or just been casually kind to a stranger in Tim's presence etc etc etc - all these things loom really large in Tim's mental story of Who Dick Is, and What Dick And Tim's Relationship Is. Tim meets Dick before he meets Bruce, trusts Dick more than Bruce, aspires to be Robin instead of Batman. And so in Tim's default version of the story, Dick is the super-special and admirable hero and Tim is... nobody in particular, a tagalong outsider who's barely managing to be a hero, not part of Dick and Bruce's family and not part of their story, who, if he's VERY LUCKY and tries REALLY HARD, might be able to fight his way to proving himself and offering something to Dick that Dick will value, if Dick doesn't get fed up with him first.

But that's not Dick's version of the story!!!

Dick's version of the story is almost the exact opposite, a story where Dick's an outcast failure black sheep who's screwing up everything he tries, and meanwhile Tim is The Sudden New Perfect Robin Who's Better Than Me And Probably Bruce Loves Him More And Probably They Gossip About What A Loser I Am, mixed with a complicated edge of Tim Thinks He's So Smart But He Doesn't Know Me/Us At All. Dick gets much more attached to Tim over time, and Tim gets unnervingly better at the know-it-all psychoanalysis so then Dick gets to have complicated feelings about him being right instead of just annoyance at him for being wrong, plus Dick's relationship with Bruce improves a lot, so Tim stops feeling so threatening. But Dick never fundamentally changes his basic theory of their relationship in which Tim is highly impressive and capable, and Dick is not so much.

And so asking Dick about Tim is kinda like if you asked George Bailey to tell you about Harry Bailey in It's A Wonderful Life; like, you'll be there for five hours while he tells you how great Harry is, and how accomplished Harry is, and how he doesn't really get how or why Harry does the things he does, and maybe George does feel a little resentful or jealous sometimes, but that pales in comparison to all his admiration and trust for Harry who he loves so much, who's better than him in so many ways, and he's not gonna openly gripe but secretly he can't help but feel sometimes like he's such a failure in comparison to Harry, a perfect person who emerged fully formed from Zeus's head with all the virtues and also all the accomplishments, etc. etc. etc. --

-- and he will not actually remember the part where he changed and saved Harry's whole entire life unless you literally send him to an alternate timeline in order to force him to remember it. <3

[sforzesco]

Agrippa, Antony, Actium

I cleaned up an old sketch I did of Antony and Agrippa when I was doing some reading about Actium: it was one of those ideas that I thought would make a cool painting until I realized I’d have to render the ocean and blood diffusing through the water 🫠

something something rival dogs of war. Antony and Agrippa actually ended up being the least interesting thing about Actium imo, when you realize the ocean became a tomb of the unburied. imperialist violence and and dynastic rivalries infecting the water. etc and so forth.

⭐ I have a tip jar (ko-fi)!

⭐ and other places I’m at! bsky / pixiv / pillowfort /cohost / cara.app

[thebramblewood]

Gonna hold off on continuing the story until I have more done, but here's some historical Vatore gameplay as a little treat. 🤭

[gummybearstastelikesadness]

Vlads secretary recently quit in the middle of Vladco having a minor business expansion into Gotham and now he needs to hire a new one.

The bats are currently investigating one Vladimir Masters after he started to bring his business into Gotham. They’re very interested in the suspicious nature he acquired his wealth. Maybe it’s time to forge some resumes and bust out some old identities, Tim still has that blonde wig after all.

[trickstersaint]

fr though you have to write bad poetry. poems are not handed down to you fully formed by god they are things that you have to work on and practice your skill at creating. nobody would expect you to sit down at a pottery wheel and end up with a perfect vase with no practice. it's a skill! art is a learned thing!! you have to make the shitty little pots with dents and marks and your fingerprints all over them in order to get better. and you're allowed to be proud of those first little pots you made too

[uniiiquehecrt]

Voice actors are NOT the same as actors.

It takes a specific kind of skill-set and training to be able to warp and meld the voice. It takes a certain kind of talent and dedication to hone that talent into the ability to meld the voice and invoke emotion with one's voice alone. Actors are used to using their voice secondarily to their body language and their facial expressions. It's all mirrored back on camera. They do have nuance. But it's a different kind of nuance and a different kind of training to produce that nuance.

Voice actors might get their likeness transposed on their character's design, and maybe their mannerisms might seep into the character's animation. But when it's all said and done: their presence is in their voice. They are bringing a character to life, showing that emotion in their voice, trying to keep a specific accent, drawl, pitch, tone in that voice and keep it consistent for their recording sessions.

The voice actor is like a classically trained musician who can play first chair in a competitive, world-renown orchestra. The actor (who fills the voice actor's role) is like a moot who played violin in beginner and intermediate high school orchestra and thinks they can get into Juilliard with that 2-4 years of experience.

This doesn't mean that the HS orchestra moot can't play. They can even be really good at it. Maybe they won competitions and sat first chair. But they are not in the same league as the person who's been training their whole lives and lives and breathes to hone their craft using the instrument and all of the training they've ever acquired to perfect it. They are not meant for the same roles. They are not in the same caliber. You do not hire the HS equivalent when you want to play complex music in a competitive orchestra.

Actors are not the same as voice actors.

And furthermore, actors - especially big name actors - taking the roles of animated characters for big budget films or TV pilots makes no sense anyways when - at least in the case of TV pilots - there's not a point to hiring a big budget actors anyways. That money could be used elsewhere (like paying your animators), and the talent that is brought onto the screen for X character could then be hired on to voice said character no recasting required.

I wouldn't say voice acting as a profession is in danger exactly, but it's certainly being disrespected and overlooked for celebrity clout, and this has ALWAYS been an issue. Shoot, even Robin Williams knew that much - which is why he tried so hard not to be used as a marketing chess piece for Aladdin and got royally pissed off when it happened anyways. People shouldn't go to any movie (but especially not animated films) because "oh famous actor is in it". People should go because it's a good movie and the voice acting is good.

People who honest to god think that voice actors are replaceable because "oh well anyone can voice act" or "I like xyz celebrity so naturally it'll be good" ... Honestly I just wish you'd reassess your priorities because you're missing the point and are part of the problem.

Voice Actors ≠ Actors.

[skunkes]

can i ask why ur getting the surgery? /gen curious /no hate

i am getting a bi(lateral)salp(ingectomy) bc i never want to be pregnant or be a parent!

Even if i do change my mind later about the parent thing (not super likely but things can change, sure) theres noooo shortage of single parents lmao

And even if I never End Up In The Circumstance(s) Where I COULD Become Pregnant in my life, I'd want the peace of mind anyway...

I've always felt disgusted that this is something my body is capable of. I want it to be MY body and not a site and vessel for potential tragedy in any direction. And I want it to be something permanent and not dependent on access to services/medicines or even laws!!! Dis is a gender affirming surgery for me honestly...

[nadiajustbe]

I also found it pretty interesting how Howl is seemingly more less adapted to the world of Ingary compared to Suliman. Not because he doesn't have an ability to do so, but because he doesn't want to.

When Suliman made a decision to go through the portal to Ingary and never come back, it also looks like he's made a decision to blend with people there, to understand their culture and their life, to become a part of it. He doesn't have any noticeable accents, Sophie doesn't describe his clothes or overall look as something unusual and he's fully used to funny situations like being in a half of a dog's body for a while. You wouldn't even tell he's not from Ingary If mrs. P didn't tell Sophie about about it or the whole situation with ms. Angorian never occurred.

Howl, on the other hand, does really stands out. When he made a decision to go through portal to Ingary he has just... decided to live his best life. He doesn't care about all of this new culture stuff and seems to adopt it only when it suits him or he founds it cool, like Ingarian fashion choice or magical practice as a whole. But he feels absolutely no problem when using all of the comfortable things 20th century has given him and absolutely refuses to relearn almost anything. He's not going to write with a quill because it's uncomfortable and old-fashioned, he's gonna bring a ballpoint pen! He's not going to use all of this hard beauty spells which takes incredibly long to make, he's gonna bring some cosmetics through the door and only the use some spells to make them work faster! Because it's easier! Because WHO CARES about medieval times norms?? And it stands out so much everyone around him immediately notice that, even his overall vibe feels incredibly different because he still acts like a modern man when he can. He's not running away from his culture and origins, he's not giving them up! He's even proud of it and is not scared to show that he comes from some far mysterious land!

And I found this difference fascinating.

[ahli-stuff]

Seeing Viktor’s heaving vulnerable face as he looks up to Jayce through his lashes on his final death throes with radiohead playing the the bg show up on my feed every 4 videos is kind of like getting viciously punched in the nuts while winding down from previously getting viscously punched in the nuts

[violet-thunder]

Holy shit they’re just straight up saying it now.

It’s not like a transmascs could point the finger at any transfem at any time for any reason and be believed. It’s not like this has been happening for decades and destroying the lives and communities on transfems en mass. It’s not like transmascs are constantly denying transfems access to their “queer friendly” spaces because they’re scary and dangerous. 

These are not isolated incidents of “lateral aggression” they’re extremely well documented patterns, patterns that require power to enact. These situations only go one way because transfems do not have power over transmascs the same way transmascs have power over transfems.

[gai-sucks-titties-in-my-basement]

People criticize the Itachi reveal often because I think they have it in their heads that the Uchiha somehow had a chance of survival in a war, when Kishimoto intentionally shows us that the Uchiha failed a war before to a much less powerful and all encompassing opponent. Because the Uchiha aren’t built for war, they are built for love. Itachi made the only decision he could that would guarantee the life of Sasuke Uchiha would be spared. The point of Sasukes character is that he was always loved. His path of darkness does not exist. His revenge is not against a random act of cruelty on him, isolate him, victimized because he is unloved, but a battle for a bloodline that was declared dead the moment Madara conceded. The Itachi reveal is not to “redeem” Itachi its to let us know that the core of Sasukes character was never darkness, but love.

[mangled-by-disuse]

re: suicidality

So I have now had... a couple of people come to me personally in crisis today, and seen a lot of others speak about it publicly. And I just want to say to all of you what I've been trying to say to the people who've spoken to me directly:

You are in shock. You are grieving. You are in a heightened emotional state, and there is nothing wrong with that, but now is not the time to make decisions you can't take back.

My mother was telling me on Sunday, when I was having a much more banal crisis about regretting my move, that when she moved to the North she gave herself six months, and she wasn't allowed to give up on it until then. Not because it would definitely be okay, but because until you've got your footing, until you're no longer reeling from the immediate change, you don't know. You can't see the challenge clearly.

So, please. Give yourself six months. Decide if this is really a world you can't live in.

You haven't closed the door if it turns out that you really, truly can't live like this. You don't have to close the door. Just don't go barrelling through it yet.

[pushing500]

Drama in the colony! What in the world could be causing problems for the Jones "twins"?

I'm not sure how Mechi would feel about being called Kwahu's duplicate, but that's beside the point. It looks like there really are consequences for everything that happens on the rim!

Mechi only just met his new "twin", and now we have to choose one to die so one can live?

Haha, sike. Randy can try all he wants, but the joke's on him. We won't be saying goodbye to either of the Jones boys for as long as we can manage. Melissa, the creepjoiner from a while back, will finally get the chance to put her mystical healing powers to good use...

Hopefully, there are no consequences from that. I'm sure there won't be. The void giving us two events with consequences? That would be ridiculous.

First | Next | Previous

Also, for what it's worth, Mechi and Kwahu aren't sharing a bed. I just forgot to put a bedside table in between while I was drawing. Accidentally made it look like my misanthropic mechanitor was way too comfortable sleeping side-by-side with his equally misanthropic clone lmao.

Aren't Mechi's "cube" sculptures adorable? I feel like a proud parent watching a child make horrendous macaroni and fingerprint art.

[rapidhighway]

"i wanna write my fanfic" goes to bed