#imagine your first choice is to cheat instead of talking with your so

[glaciem-draco]

JaneRyan are not even together (yet) but they already seem to have better communication than TaeBamhee.

I hope they give Tae someone else if the other thing goes a different way.

[lonesome-sometimes]

your favourite centrefold

I was bored and wrote this with nasty cherry on repeat do not take any of this seriously anyway

you were aware of the types of men that came to drink in bars like this one at this time of night - more specifically the types of men you simply couldn’t stop coming back for.

matty healy x female reader

content warnings: unprotected sex, dom matty, semi-public sex, cheating, alcohol, face and pussy slapping, cum play, use of “sir” and daddy kink, degradation, manhandling, age gap, rough sex, thigh fucking, slut shaming (??)

minors do not interact!

you were aware of the types of men that came to drink in bars like this one at this time of night - more specifically the types of men you simply couldn’t stop coming back for.

you pull your dress up a little higher, leaving nothing to the imagination as you move further into the room knowing it all too well by now. asking the bartender for your usual poison of choice, you lean up against the dark wood searching for your weekly fill.

It was a tuesday night, nothing too special but you were bored and felt the need to start your weekend early. fortunately for you that meant the place was close to being empty while also meaning your task was much easier - especially when you see him.

you had never seen him before - you would remember every inch of him if you had. sitting at the bar nursing what seemed to be a whiskey was probably the hottest man you had ever seen in your life. the wife beater he was wearing hugged his shoulders and back so perfectly, showing off the number of tattoos covering his arms, as well as grey curls that were mostly slicked back. the few that refused to be tamed making home on his forehead instead.

he was perfect and you needed him.

you finish your drink as fast as possible before making your way towards him. you notice the cigarettes and lighter sitting next to his drink, as well as his open wallet with a picture of what seems to be him and his girlfriend? wife? making the situation so much more fun and him more attractive than you found him before. he finally notices you as you slide up next to him, bracketing him in between yourself and the wall. he gives you a quick glance over, the wetness between your legs pooling by the second as he seems somewhat unimpressed.

you take him in, noticing the light stubble dusting his cheeks while trying not to drown in his scent - a mix of faint cologne, cigarettes and what is definitely another woman’s perfume - before mustering up the courage to actually speak.

“hey.”

he actually fucking smirks at you, seeming to find the situation amusing as he takes a sip of his drink and sighs dramatically. “so, you’re the girl my mate george warned me about, hm?”

your eyes widen, not expecting that to come out of his mouth. endless faces began flowing through your mind until you remember the one he’s talking about. george. he had been both sweet and cruel when you needed him to be, tall and handsome and he had fucked you so, so well in the backseat of his car after you sucked his cock for him in the toilets. how could you forget about george?

If you ever went back in for a second helping, he would be the absolute top of your list. however you had made a promise to yourself when you first started this whole ordeal that you would never fuck the same man twice, and you were determined to keep it that way.

“I’m afraid I don’t know who you’re talking about?” you say sweetly, playing innocent and cocking your head to the side, twirling your curls around your fingertips which only had the man shaking his head in fake annoyance.

“unlucky for you, I don’t fuck pretty girls that whore themselves out in dive bars. take your act elsewhere, I’m not interested.”

well, that was new.

you pout, suddenly not liking the surprise of a challenge. usually you had the men that came here drooling after you, unable to resist the temptation of a sweet, young thing begging to be fucked by a much older man in such a degrading way. you swallow your pride, accepting the little game he’s started.

“who said anything about fucking? maybe I just wanted to talk to you. It seems like you are the one with an idea, sir.” you knew adding on the title at the end was asking for trouble but you didn’t really care at this point, again feeling defeated when he doesn’t even flinch. “If you’re offering though, I could be so very good for you. did george tell you how good I am at sucking cock?”

“I thought you didn’t know who that was? good girls don’t lie, princess. especially not to dirty, old men like me.” he warns, slowly losing his patience. you keep up this game of back and forth for a little longer, rubbing his shoulder and smiling coyly. you quickly learn that his name is Matty, going dumb when you eventually notice what is definitely a wedding ring shining proudly on his hand. you turn to batting your eyelashes and giggling a little too loudly just like you knew how instead in hopes it would do something, anything at this point. fuck, he was hot.

his grip on his glass tightens before he finishes the last of the liquor, slamming it down on the top and startling you out of your daydream in the process. he turns back to you, becoming increasingly annoyed as well as desperate the longer you stare back. “sweet, dumb thing. didn’t your daddy ever tell you not to talk to strangers?”

“no, you never taught me anything like that, daddy.”

that seems to be what sends him over the edge as he stands up, grabbing your wrist tightly as he pulls you outside. you couldn’t contain your giggles of excitement, high on the adrenaline from the alcohol and the fact that you had actually won and were promised an actual good fuck. he continues to drag you down the side of the building, crowding you up against the wall of the dimly lit alleyway that you had become far too familiar with.

he pushes the hem of your baby pink dress up your thighs, revealing the angelic white lace that barely covers your wetness. he slaps over your covered clit, holding your jaw firmly in place as he does so. “needy little girl, you think this is fun and games, don’t you? all I wanted was to come here for a little quiet drink, to get away from my annoying fucking wife, but here I am stuck putting girls like you in their place.”

you whine loudly as he pushes your panties down your legs, letting them gather down at your heels. you paint the perfect image of a whore and you wouldn’t have it any other way as long as he kept touching you. he roughly spins you around so your face is pressed up against the brick, melting against his hold when you finally hear the zip of his pants.

“what are you smiling at, huh? what’s got you so happy?” he spits, keeping your head in place as he begins to stroke his cock till he’s fully hard which doesn’t take long. you were a little disappointed that you weren’t going to get to see it or feel it on your tongue, but you couldn’t be too upset given the circumstances. you totally forgot he had asked you a question though until he’s slapping your face, cheek blooming under his blow as he demands an answer from you and fast.

you blink a couple times before the brain fog subsides for a second, allowing you to form a somewhat coherent sentence. “m just so happy you’re gonna fuck me, daddy. can’t wait to be full of your cock.” you answer sincerely, anticipating the feel of his length entering you at any second and pushing your ass out in hopes it’ll speed things up.

except it never comes.

Instead, you hear that dark chuckle from earlier come back from behind you. confused, you try and spread your legs but he forcefully closes them again, keeping a hand tightly on the small of your back and holdind you in place. you gasp when you eventually feel the head of his leaking cock press between the gap inbetween your thighs, a drop of precum falling and trickling down them as you realise what is actually happening.

“I thought I told you I wasn’t going to fuck you, or are you just too cock hungry to remember, darling? who knows where this slutty fucking pussy has been?” he reaches round and slaps your clit again, causing you to cry out at the harsh treatment. “that doesn’t mean you get to spend your time teasing me, getting me hard and aching without doing anything about it.” and with that, he pushes his cock directly between your thighs.

he groans loudly, going slow as he adjusts to the tightness of your legs squeezing his cock just right. you whimper as he picks up his pace, slowly realising you weren’t about to get a good fuck at all. you sick basterd.

he uses you like a sex doll, fucking your thighs fast and needily until you can sense he’s about to cum due to the fact he’s the most vocal he’s been the whole night. “such a fucking whore, yeah? letting me use you however I want? getting fucked in some back alley behind a dirty old bar. you should be so proud of yourself honey. I know I am, fuck.”

your cunt clenches at his words, wetness dripping down towards where his cock meets the plush of your thighs. when he feels himself getting close, he quickly pulls out from between them and paints his cum across the backs and the top of your ass, stroking himself though it while reaching around to grope at your tits through the thin material of your dress

when he’s done, he gathers his cum between his fingers and shoves them directly into your neglected cunt, pushing the cum deeper and deeper and almost getting you embarrassingly close to the edge. he then quickly pushes his digits past your pretty pink lips, letting you suck the taste of you both from them as the coolness of his wedding ring keeps pressing against your cheek. “here you go, baby. I’m so kind and thoughtful, how about you thank me for not using your cum dump hm? that’ll give you some time to tighten up before some other perverted, married man gets to fuck you.”

you smile, half dazed and exhausted as the pleasure in your core begins to subside and you’re able to think more clearly. you turn your head, giggling when you realise something that he doesn’t know. you sigh sweetly as you always do, giving him your best doe eyes before saying, “thank you for not fucking my cunt, daddy.”

he never actually fucked you, or even made you cum for that matter, meaning you never broke your only rule. as you lean down to pull up your panties and pull down your dress, you secretly hope that the married man with curly hair decides to come back very soon.

[fqreverwinter]

“guilty as sin?”

— — — —

relationship: loki x fem!reader

summary: you were caged in a loveless marriage with thor. ever since you were little, you were in love with his brother. it was never meant to be, leaving you to dream about being with him instead.

word count: 2.9k

warnings: mentions of cheating

notes: this is (obviously) inspired by “guilty as sin?” by taylor swift!! i hate that this plot line always puts thor in this situation, but it’s too good not to write it :) also the “poem” mentioned at the end is actually lyrics from “the downtown lights” by the blue nile that is referenced in taylor’s song!!

masterlist

Before you took your first breath, you were already considered royalty, born to the closest Lord and Lady of the Throne of Asgard. Before you took your first step, you were promised to one of the sons of the Throne. It seemed like you had little say in your own life; never once did you get to pick out your own clothes, do your own makeup, make your own meals. You yearned for a sense of control in your life as soon as you understood what control was. Being locked in the cage of regality was the bane of your existence, but there was no getting around it.

To be fair, you loved your parents. Though they gave you little room to breathe, they always made sure you were happy and taken care of. They supplied you with plenty of books, plenty of journals, and other things to keep your dreary days in the palace occupied. You loved the king and queen, as well. Odin and Frigga viewed you as one of their own.

And as for the two princes— Well, they were your closest friends in the whole world. You grew up together, experiencing your firsts side-by-side. You couldn’t have dreamed of better partners in life than Thor and Loki. Your personality was a bit of both of them—the fiery spirit of Thor and the intellect of Loki. No matter who you were with, you always had a good time.

When the three of you became teenagers, feelings started to get in the mix. Your parents had warned you that you would eventually marry one of the brothers. In your mind, that meant you could choose, and you had no doubt who you would pick.

Thor was sweet to you. He always made sure that you had a good time, that you were treated as a gentle and precious woman. That’s not to say he wouldn’t want to battle or get muddy with you, but he would always make sure you had a glass of water and a fresh pair of clothes afterwards. You appreciated his kind gestures, and you noticed his conventionally attractive features.

But it wasn’t him you wanted.

Loki had stolen your heart since you first learned what love was. He was much quieter compared to his brother, but when he did speak, his words were so eloquent and thoughtful that you had no choice but to swoon. You would listen to him talk about his favorite books, his favorite spells—hell, even his favorite rocks if it meant watching his blue eyes glow and his slender fingers gesture as he spoke. He was your confidant, the one you told all your secrets to because you knew he would never betray you. His title meant nothing to you; you never saw him as the mischievous, devilish boy that everyone else saw. You saw his charm, his intelligence, his kindness, his imagination, his drive.

When you were both just teenagers, you were sat in one of the many courtyards of the palace. Loki was rambling about something his father said that ticked him off, but you were just watching him speak. Soon, you saw how frustrated he was. His shoulders slumped as he sighed, staring down at his feet. Your heart broke for him. In a moment of bravery, wanting to offer him comfort, you gently took his hand and leaned your head on his shoulder. He looked at you with surprise, but leaned back into you. Your heart was beating so fast when you eventually looked up at him. His big blue eyes stared back into yours, and he quickly closed the gap between your two lips.

That moment, you knew you were in love.

Then, two days later, your parents broke the news that you would begin a courtship with Thor.

See, when they said that you would marry one of the princes, they failed to tell you that it was the first-born prince. You never had a choice; there was never a chance of you marrying Loki. It shattered your heart.

After they told you, you ran to your room and slammed the door, locking it behind you. You flopped on your bed and screamed into your pillow. It was so unfair that you never got to make any choices in your own life. For once, you found an escape from the thick iron bars that your parents locked you in all your life. But as it turns out, you were never free from that enclosure.

Thor began your courtship with a giant bouquet of flowers and a pair of diamond earrings. Both gifts were thoughtful, but they did nothing to pull your heart away from Loki.

For the remainder of your teenage years, Thor did everything to impress you, to show how much he loved you. He would hold your hand on late night walks along the river. He would bring you new books that he thought you would enjoy. He would keep you close to him at formal affairs, introducing you as his beautiful future wife. The phrase made you cringe internally. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t love Thor. Sure, you had love for him—but you loved him as a brother, as the best friend that you grew up with. You never felt any romantic love for him.

In secret, you yearned for Loki. You thought about him at times when you should only have been thinking about Thor. At dinner, you sat next to your betrothed, but you snuck glances at his brother whenever you could. In the moments you were alone, you went out of your way to attempt to bump into him and strike up a conversation. You pictured him as the love interest in your novels.

But it seemed like Loki didn’t want anything to do with you.

Ever since you began your courtship with Thor, Loki became distant. Your long talks in the courtyards or late night chats in the library became fewer and far apart until they completely stopped. He didn’t smile at you in passing, send you a wave across the room, or send you small notes under your bedroom door. You didn’t understand it; you thought it was obvious you didn’t want to be with Thor. Why wouldn’t Loki take the hint?

But you were wrong.

Loki couldn’t stand to look at you anymore because he was also hopelessly in love with you. He, too, had been in love with you since you were little kids. Loki thought—no, knew—you were the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen. He wanted to be the one that you spent the rest of your life with, not his stupid brother. Every time he saw you, it broke his heart all over again.

Sure, he flirted with maidens and even brought a few back to his room. But he had the same thoughts as you—he saw your face in all of theirs; he dreamed that it was you when he was kissing them. They were nothing to him, just things to fill the ever-growing void in his heart.

He wanted to love you. He wanted to be the man that you deserved. He didn’t want to buy you flowers or gifts; he wanted to love and cherish you. He wanted to listen to your worries, celebrate you in your moments of joy, and talk to you in the way that only the two of you understood. Loki knew he was better for you than his brother could ever dream to be.

But Loki couldn’t tell you any of this. It would be breaking his brother’s trust. He did think about it, because what did the God of Mischief care about trust? But part of him knew that it would be breaking your trust as well, and that was something he could never bring himself to do.

On your wedding day, you felt nothing. Not even sadness or anger - just nothing. During the ceremony, you kept sneaking glances at Loki, but he never once looked up at you. Tears were welling up in your eyes, but you never let them slip.

During the reception, you managed to sneak away while Thor was busy chugging beers with his best friends. You went to one of the balconies in the main wing of the palace and leaned over the railing, staring out at the beautiful spring landscape of Asgard.

“I did not expect to see you out here, Princess,” a deep voice that you knew all too well muttered.

You sighed, “I needed some air. It was getting quite hot in the banquet hall.”

Loki stood beside you, grabbing on to the railing in the same way you were. You looked over at him, admiring how beautiful his face was up close. You were so attracted to him, his fair skin and bright blue eyes and sharp cheekbones. Your heart skipped a beat.

“I was always told that your wedding would be the happiest day of your life,” he said, finally looking at you. “But you don’t seem so thrilled.”

You shrugged. “The day is not quite how I pictured it.”

“How so?”

You looked back down at your hands.

“I just—I feel like I have never had a sense of control. All my life, I’ve been told what to wear, what to say, what to do, who to talk to… I have just been locked in this tight cage. I always thought that my love would be the one thing I could have control over. But as it turns out, I can’t even have that.”

“Do you not love my brother?”

You snapped your head back to Loki. He stared at you with a specific look, like he knew the answer to that question but was dying to hear you say it. You opened your mouth to answer, but you were cut off by a guard calling your name.

“Princess, Prince Thor has been looking for you. They are about to start the toasts.”

You nodded, adjusting your dress then walking towards him. You looked back to see Loki again, but he wasn’t looking back at you. Your heart broke again as you followed the guard back into the party.

The biggest change after your marriage was that everyone went from addressing you as Lady to Princess. Your feelings never changed; you still loved Loki and felt indifferent towards Thor.

Now, you shared a room with Thor. He would hold you in bed every night, trying to initiate some sort of moment for you two to share. Most nights, you said you were tired and brushed him off. On the nights you let him go further, you still just pictured Loki.

Your only solace was the fact that Thor started going on warrior missions to other realms. He would travel for days, sometimes weeks at a time to either serve as a diplomatic figure or a traveling soldier for different places throughout the cosmos. Those times were the only times you finally felt like yourself again. You got to sleep in your own bed, come and go as you please, and best of all, you didn’t have to worry about being physical with Thor.

Eventually, you cracked the wall that was put up between you and Loki. When Thor was gone, you spent nearly every day with him. It was almost like nothing had happened, no years were lost. You laughed and joked and told stories just like you did when you were kids. It did nothing but deepen your love for Loki, but at least you found some kind of relief for your longing.

Because in your twisted mind, these thoughts meant nothing; if you never took any action, never touched or felt Loki, you were not guilty of any betrayal.

One rainy night, the two of you were locked in the palace’s library, going through countless books of poetry from the different realms. You read them dramatically to each other, making the other laugh and laugh. When you reached a Midgardian book, you found a poem that especially struck a cord.

“Sometimes I walk away,” Loki began, propping one leg up on a couch while projecting his voice for the entire library to hear. You giggled as he continued.

“When all I really wanna do, is love and hold you tight. There is just one thing I can say, nobody…” he began trailing off, losing the excitement in his act.

“What’s wrong?” you asked, your smile running away from your face.

“Um…” he said quietly, not moving his gaze from the book in his hands. This was so unlike Loki; it was rare that he was at a loss for words.

“Sorry, it just caught me off guard,” he finally said, clearing his throat. He looked at you, his big blue eyes blown as he finished the line that he was stuck on.

“Nobody loves you this way.”

You stared at him, your heart skipping a beat when you realized why he stopped at that line. It resonated with your situation, the longing and dreaming that had gone on for years and years. You stood up, moving closer to Loki as his eyes never once left your face. You placed a hand gently on his chest as one of his wrapped around your waist. The two of you leaned in, ever-so close to the moment that you shared when you were merely teenagers.

“Princess!” one of your maidens called, sprinting towards you. You quickly stepped back from Loki as he did from you. The two of you acted like nothing ever happened as she approached you.

“Princess, it is well after midnight. You must head to your bedroom. You have breakfast with the Allmother tomorrow, remember?”

You nodded. “Yes, very well. Goodnight, Prince Loki.”

“Goodnight, Princess,” he replied, nodding his head at you.

You followed her towards the exit. You turned around once to see Loki, expecting him to ignore you like he usually did. But this time, he flashed you a smile and winked. Heat rose to your cheeks as you quickly spun back around, fighting the smile that was taking over your lips.

Once you got back to your bedroom, you closed the door quickly behind you, reminiscing on the moment you two almost shared. You giggled like you were a teenager again, spinning around before crashing into your bed. That night, you dreamt of a marriage with Loki, but this time happily instead of bittersweet.

But the next day, your husband returned, and this time bearing news that he would be back for a while. He embraced you excitedly, happy to be home with you. But you couldn’t feel worse. Thor being around meant Loki would go back to pretending like you didn’t exist.

The more time Thor spent around you, the more you wished to finish the moment you had with Loki. Those few seconds ate away at you like nothing you experienced before. You thought about it when you woke up, when you went to sleep, when you were alone in bed, imagining what it would have been like to finally have your lips against his again. You begged to be set free.

Some days, you really did consider throwing caution to the wind and knocking on Loki’s door. But every time you got close, nerves would take over and you quickly kept walking past. When you saw him in the hallways, you had the same temptations, but again he ignored your presence.

It only got worse with pressure from everyone around you to have a child with Thor. Your mother, your father, Queen Frigga, and even your husband pressed you about when you were finally going to start a family. The first anniversary of your marriage was nearing, and everyone said that it was time for you to produce the next line of royalty.

As a result, Thor tried to be physical more often. It became harder and harder for you to brush him off. Afterwards, he would roll over and fall asleep while you laid in bed restless.

One of those sleepless nights, you heard something rustle near your door. Curious, you gently stood up and walked over, finding a piece of paper that had been slid under your door. You checked to make sure Thor was still asleep then crept to your en-suite, softly closing the door and turning on the light. You read over the note, gasping when you realized what it was.

Through all these dreadful years, you were holding back the urge to cry. You felt like you were not allowed to cry. After all, you put yourself in this situation. You were the one that was not willing to let go of Loki. You were the one that dreamt of cheating on your husband with his brother. You were the bad person in every light of this situation. There was no reason for you to feel self-pity and let those tears fall.

But tonight, you finally let it happen. For that note was no regular note. No, rather it was a piece of paper torn from a book, annotated and signed by Loki, the Prince of Asgard, the God of Mischief and Lies, your true love.

And the note read the poem that you two had shared those few weeks ago. The poem that reignited your flame, that sealed your fate in the loveless cage forever.

Sometimes I walk away,

When all I really wanna do

Is love and hold you right.

There is just one thing I can say,

Nobody loves you this way.

[still-not-over-transformers]

Hii there!

Can I request a Mirage x fem!reader, where the reader is celebrating New year with Noah and the other autobots, and the reader was drinking a lot and got drunk, then became sassy and playful to Mirage.

Thx, I love your writtings btw <3

New Year's Resolutions

ROTB Mirage x Female Human Reader

Word Count: 1400+

Warnings: Drunken Flirting, Alcohol usage, Language

You had been best friends with Noah Diaz since middle school, and remained close while he was in the army. After he was discharged, you often provided him with supplies for his technological tinkering once you scored a job at RadioShack, utilizing your employee discount to get stuff cheap. Noah and his family were like a second family to you, often visiting unannounced at the apartment, bringing snacks and helping Kris with defeating video game bosses. When Noah disappeared whilst on his mission with the Autobots to save the world from being devoured by Unicron, you took care of Kris while his mom went to work. 

After those events ended, you had so many questions for Noah, but he always seemed to give you rather vague answers about a job internship in South America. You knew he was hiding something, but assumed he would tell you when the time was right. Kris was the first to let it slip about Mirage. You chalked it up to a little kid’s imagination, after all Kris played a LOT of video games. 

Then there was the day where you decided to surprise Noah at his shop with the latest tech product Radioshack had released. Since this was to be a surprise, you didn’t announce your presence, instead opting to sneak through the shop. You heard Noah’s voice around a corner, and picked out a second that you didn’t recognize. As you stepped around the corner, you were shocked to find Noah talking casually with a giant fucking robot. Your shock makes you drop the object in your hand, the object clattering on the floor. 

Noah turned around at the sudden sound, clearly not expecting to see you, “Oh shit… Y/N, don’t panic. I can explain.” 

Mirage shot a glare at Noah and raised his arms, “Why are you talking about me like you got caught cheating? Sheesh, that’s the treatment I get, bro?” He turns to look at you, “Look cutie, I’m not gonna hurt anyone here. I’m one of the good giant alien robots.” He winks at you. Mirage leans in towards Noah and quietly whispers, “Where have you been hiding her? Why didn’t you introduce me?” Noah brushes him off, clearly not in the mood for Mirage’s antics. 

While you’re taken aback by the tall, blue robot before you, you’re calmed slightly by Mirage’s chill and somewhat charming attitude. Besides, something about his optics and his dumb smile made you want to trust him. Noah had no choice but to tell you the whole story; how he met Mirage, the deal with the Autobots, saving the world… the works. 

After your initial encounter with Mirage, Noah would go on to introduce you to the rest of the Autobots. Optimus trusted Noah’s judgment and welcomed you into the team, much to the excitement of a certain blue mech. When Noah was busy at work or off with his family, you would find Mirage randomly popping up wherever you were, often claiming he was bored and had no one else to talk to. So over the course of a few months, you and Mirage would spend more time together. You’d get to know Mirage’s dorky sense of humor, and his tendency to want to show off and get attention. Attention would be something you started to crave from Mirage, as you came to realize you may have a crush. 

The end of the year 1994 approached quickly, and that meant one of the biggest holidays in human culture, especially in New York City: New Year’s Eve. With a lot of convincing from Mirage, Noah decided to host a New Year’s Eve party with the Autobots to have them participate in human celebrations in their warehouse base. Of course, you had been invited to the party, and you were curious as to what festivities were planned. As the night began, there was a massive television set on the channel awaiting the ball drop. You assumed it had been supplied by Reek, but didn’t ask questions. 

For the select few human guests, Noah had supplied a small bar with sparkling wine, and other various liquors and mixers. It was New Year’s after all, tradition demanded booze. You started out the night with just one margarita, mixing it yourself at the bar. Meanwhile, Mirage made his way over to you, “Hey Y/N, how’s it hanging?” He had a grin on his face that made you a little weak in the knees. 

“Oh, hey Mirage. I’m doing good. Just making myself a quick drink,” you flashed a nervous smile at him, feeling both exhilarated and embarrassed simultaneously. This is stupid, no way an alien robot would like me that way, your thoughts hung over you as you tried to conceal your nervousness. 

As the night continued, Noah chose to introduce the Autobots to human games. Throughout each game, Mirage stuck close to you, often cracking the corniest jokes in existence. Each interaction causes more butterflies to flutter in the pit of your stomach, in turn triggering you to consume more alcoholic drinks in your nervous state. You did a decent job of concealing your intoxication, until the game of Twister started. As teams were assigned, Mirage volunteered you as his partner, leaving a surprised Noah to pair up with Bumblebee. 

At this point you were tipsy, but you were a composed drunk as few noticed your intoxication as you made your way to the mat alongside Mirage. Mirage leaned down to you, “Have you played this before?” You flashed a tipsy smirk at the Autobot mech, “A few times… As long as you’re flexible and don’t get confused, you’ll win. And you seem very… flexible.” 

Mirage cleared his throat at your reply, his cheeks slightly flush as his gaze turned towards the mat. After a brief reading of the rules, the game began with Arcee in charge of reciting the position and color combos, “Left servo on blue!” All four of you quickly moved your hand onto the nearest blue dot. Easy enough. The game continued for some time, as you were all very competitive, but only one of you was intoxicated. 

After one move, Mirage’s frame hovered over your backside in what could be seen as an… intimate position. In your tipsy state you looked up at Mirage with batted eyelids, “Third base and you haven’t even bought me dinner…” 

Your comment has a direct and clear effect on Mirage, causing him to falter and fall onto the mat. The force of his frame hitting the ground shook you off balance, and you too fell, causing Noah and Bumblebee to claim victory. You briefly came to your senses, realizing what a fool you had made of yourself, you got to your feet and made your way to a secluded part of the warehouse. Waves of embarrassment and shame crashed over you, filling you with the fear Mirage might never wish to speak with you again. 

The sound of familiar footsteps made you pause. “Hey, Y/N. You okay?” Mirage stood behind you, a look of concern on his faceplate. 

You felt yet another rush of heat throughout your body but tried to compose yourself. “...I-I’m fine, Mirage. Just maybe too much to drink,” your words were slightly slurred and you stumbled a bit. 

Mirage approached you casually, before bending down and placing a servo on your back to support you, “Hey, I can’t blame you. It’s New Year’s after all, and you humans go crazy for this slag.” He gently repositioned himself into a sitting position, still supporting you with his servo, “Do you need anything? You look like you need something— not that you look bad, I mean— you look great! As always.”

Your cheeks and entire face flush bright scarlet as you struggle to hold back anymore. “I just need you…” As the words leave your lips, you realize you can’t take them back, and fear rattles through your body as you stare into Mirage’s optics. 

Despite the brief silence, Mirage’s gaze locks onto yours and the mech leans close to your face. As the tension fills the air, both of you can hear the others begin the 10 second countdown to the New Year in the adjacent room. 

You blush madly as you try to comprehend if this moment is real or the effect of tequila and sparkling wine, “Mirage, I’m sorry. It’s almost midnight so you should make your own New Year’s Resolution..”

As the echo of voices counted down: 5…. 4…. 3… Mirage gently pulled you close to him, “Y/N, you’re my New Year’s Resolution.”

It felt as if your heart skipped a beat as the words left Mirage’s mouth. As the countdown continued to its last seconds, you leaned forward. 2… your eyes meet. 1… your lips gently lock together. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

----END

Thank you for requesting! I appreciate you❤❤❤

[delta-queerdrant]

how do you solve a problem like Chakotay? (Tattoo, s2 e9)

I have been away from this space for a number of boring reasons (including, to be transparent, cheating on Janeway with my space cop boyfriend Odo. Why do the good girls go for the lawful neutral boys?)

But also, Tattoo! Yikes on bikes! When I first realized I’d be reviewing this episode, I felt a powerful impulse to back away slowly, as if from wasps. My aversion came from a place of contempt for this episode, probably the low point of the imaginative failure that is Chakotay. At the same time, I was not sure what to do with my anger. It’s easy for white people to become a little too enamored with our own hot takes; I am ill-equipped to speak to the impact of a narrative that’s racist, anti-Indigenous storytelling all the way down.

I imagined I’d compile a reading list by Indigenous writers who could talk with authority about “Tattoo.” The reading list has become a comfortable rhetorical move for white cultural critics, a stay in our lane impulse. A reading list attempts to re-center marginalized voices, though it’s rarely a call to action (unless that action is read books). In this case, the reading list was elusive. I couldn’t find much non-paywalled content discussing this episode at length, with the exception of this illuminating review by comics artist Rob Schmidt. 

What does it mean to do low stakes cultural criticism on Tumblr dot com? If this is a quiet space for playful self-reflection about my Television Feelings, then I think we can agree that nobody particularly needs my thoughts on the impact of “Tattoo,” or the Kazon, or any of the other ill-conceived ways that Star Trek has handled race. I will continue to get mad about these artistic choices, but my anger is not load-bearing. You can’t build anything with it.

The best I can probably do here, and throughout these reviews, is to excavate the contours of my own relationship with science fiction. I think white people have quite a lot we need to say about whiteness, and our penchant for racist science fiction, and how we could perhaps redirect our creative impulses elsewhere. 

To summarize the episode - Chakotay visits a Delta Quadrant moon and recognizes a symbol that reminds him of a childhood visit to his people’s ancestral home on Earth. As a young man, nonconformist Chakotay wasn’t much interested in his ancestors’ traditional lifeways, and even now, he’s agnostic about some of their religious beliefs. Nearby, a planet has flora and fauna similar to the Earth rainforest Chakotay remembers visiting. When he’s separated from the away team, he encounters aliens who can “control the elements of nature” and seem to share his tribe’s culture.

In a block of decidedly clunky exposition, we learn that these aliens visited hunter-gatherers on Earth millennia ago. The early humans are described as having “no spoken language, no culture, except the use of fire and stone weapons.” Okay then! The aliens gave them “an inheritance, a genetic bonding so they might thrive and protect your world.” The genes motivated the hunter gatherers to travel to the Americas, where they passed down memories of the aliens, who became key figures in Chakotay’s people’s religion. Chakotay now understands himself, his father, and the aliens as people called to “honor the land” and defend it.

(Meanwhile, the Doctor programs himself to experience a respiratory illness and proceeds to have what I believe is known in the vernacular as a “man-flu.” It’s very silly.)

If “Tattoo” was well received, I think it was because of the emotional heft of this episode, which figures Chakotay as the diaspora kid who rediscovers his roots and connects with his father’s memory. I would have liked an episode that fully explored what it means to be Indigenous and diasporic, and how Chakotay’s identity informed his decision to join the Maquis.

This is not really the episode we got. Instead “Tattoo,” in the vein of white supremacist conspiracy theory tome Chariot of the Gods, imagines that Indigenous people are magical space boys whose religion and culture are gifts from aliens. Now, Captain Planet-like, they have been tasked to protect their homelands, conveniently letting the rest of us off the hook. 

“Tattoo” erases the truth and specificity of Indigenous cultures and origins—of people who were and are energized by their own intelligence and agency, and who have actively maintained specific and rooted ways of being in the world despite 500 years of material and cultural genocide. It doesn’t help that the prehistory depicted in the episode is utterly confused. The ancestors described in this episode are apparently early humans, long before the migration into the Americas, but the timeline is so muddled that the episode resolves into a narrative of “Indigenous people require alien intervention in order to have a culture.”

I think “Tattoo” is really a white fantasy, because white people would like nothing better than to be magical racialized space boys. To be chosen, to be connected at once to a homeland and a cosmic other, satisfies a hunger born of our collective imaginations. White people don’t really care who built our sacred sites, if our culture heroes are exploded in favor of New Age nonsense, because our legitimacy as people with a history and a destiny is nevertheless secure. (Though there are probably limits to our popular embrace of the New Age - I can’t imagine a Star Trek where Jesus is the one receiving genetic messages from aliens.)

To complicate my analysis, I'll note that a white Jewish author wrote the teleplay for “Tattoo,” and in the episode’s Wikipedia page, Robert Beltran says “Tattoo” resonated with his experience of feeling disconnected from his Latino heritage. There is a story about diaspora here, however clumsily executed. As a person of Jewish ancestry, I’m not surprised that creators from diaspora communities turn to speculative fiction to recreate lost pasts for marginalized characters. It’s easy to lose your history, and this loss is compounded in a world where whiteness swallows difference.

Star Trek has always had a race problem. In my twenties, I began to learn about the antecedents of the science fiction and fantasy genres - adventure fiction and Westerns, genres steeped in ideologies of Rule Britannia and manifest destiny. If Star Trek was originally pitched as “Wagon Train to the Stars,” then perhaps the aliens have always been “Indians.” But Star Trek also has a progressive streak that has lent itself to diverse casting. What does it mean when the same universe contains allegories for minorities and real-world minorities?

I have to admit I'm a sucker for a good science fiction allegory. As a kid from a mixed-faith background, I loved watching Worf negotiate his Klingon ancestry and human upbringing. (I only realized as an adult that the Rozhenkos are Jewish coded!) I'm not saying that Worf is great or perfect representation of multicultural identity, but there is something about allegory that can powerfully voice our lived experiences. (The trans allegory in the recent Nimona film adaptation is an exceptional example of this.)

As best as I can tell, the trick to writing fictional "races" and real racialized characters is one and the same - handling the cultures you're depicting with care, eschewing biased stereotypes in favor of nuanced, complex, informed worldbuilding. The showrunners of Voyager did not exercise care.

I want a Star Trek in which the characters feel rooted in real cultures, whether they’re alien or human. I want Harry Kim to have a cultural identity, and I want Chakotay to belong to a real-world Indigenous community. If science fiction is about curiosity, then I want white writers and showrunners who are genuinely curious about the stories they don’t have the expertise to tell—and who are willing to give space to those who do.

1/5 prize Vulcan orchids.

[raisedbythetv89]

I’m seeing a post saying “Riley isn’t terrible he’s just a 23 year old guy” and to that I say let’s look at a brief summary of his behavior,

Riley: That girl is weird but everyone around me likes her which is strange to me but I guess I like her?? Literally completely unaware of his feelings then later:

No buffy you’re stupid. Me, who didn’t know my own feelings and couldn’t even approach you without going to your friend for advice and help first, knows you better than you. I don’t care about your past heartbreak you should stop being afraid and try again because I said so without knowing literally anything about it or you

Pulls a gun on angel when literally the only person a gun would hurt is Buffy and just ASSUMES Buffy cheated on him without confirming anything first and starts acting like a lunatic and then instead of taking accountability he blames how strong he feels about buffy as a justifiable reason for behaving erratic and dangerous

Says shit like “I don’t even know if I can take you” when he learns about what an impressive slayer she is. When both spike and angel have said buffy IS STRONGER THAN THEM so no Riley you cannot take her…. Always disregarding her strength and the importance of her calling

Sleeps with Faith/Buffy because he refuses to take Buffy’s warnings about her seriously and so isn’t on high alert for anything that could be off and doesn’t even hesitate when buffy is acting SUPER WEIRD. Make all the excuses you want, her boyfriend should have known something was wrong and waited to be intimate until he figured out what was wrong

Continually victim blames buffy for everything that happens with Dracula and not believing she didn’t secretly want it because of “her history with angel”

Recreates angel trauma of basically threatening suicide and being willing to die in front of her while heavily implying this is her fault because he cannot STAND the idea of being weak around her, making her think he wishes she wasn’t the slayer, adding to her growing insecurities WHILE HER MOTHER IS SICK

Then is shocked and surprised she’s not this super emotional woman always falling apart in his arms when things get hard with her mother when she’s been the strong one for the family and her friend group AND THE WORLD for five years at this point and has literally died - again showing he doesn’t want or understand the slayer. Also why would she ever depend on someone with such a fragile ego who has lost it on SEVERAL occasions during the course of their relationship (how he handled maggie’s attempt on Buffy’s life and discovering spike, threatening the woman in the demon bar while buffy is BEGGING him to calm down, ignoring a fatal health condition for ego, handling the whole angel thing and drac HORRIBLY like if you’re a normal person sure whatever but you fought to date the slayer you gotta be better than this under pressure dude) Riley does not have the mental or physical strength to support her and then is like “why won’t you let me support you??” Like bro bsffr you can’t and you not understanding that is a PROBLEM.

Further proving how unreliable he is while she is dealing with a sick mother, glory, school, and just her general Slayer duties he puts her and her entire family at risk by going to the suck house (could you imagine the harm that could have been done if someone knew he was the slayers bf and turned him) because he needs to feel “needed” when he IS and WAS needed by buffy but just not in the ways he wanted so he had a whole ass tantrum and betrayed buffy in literally the worst way imaginable and being SUCH a hypocrite after he talked sooooo much about buffy having a thing for vampires and then blames her and spike for his own failings and selfish choices!

And then when he should be groveling for forgiveness he’s like you have to talk to me because I’m leaving unless we talk and you forgive me which is SOOOO fucked up. Like I cheated on you and betrayed you and put you and your family at risk but if you don’t forgive me immediately and accept blame for my failures I’m leaving you and going where I’m NEEDED. Because he is an actual child throwing a tantrum

And don’t even get me STARTED on as you were 🤢

He is constantly making buffy feel like she is wrong, bad, too strong, too distant, stupid and when he cheats on her, completely worthless and like everything bad in his life is somehow her responsibility to fix instead of his.

The fans have such a strong reaction to him because he is never called out or properly held accountable/villainized for all the harm he causes to buffy in the show and that lack of accountability causes all of us to feel a very justifiable outrage. So no we aren’t overreacting he has MANY crimes that go far beyond an average man in his 20’s

Basically, man tells woman she doesn’t know what she’s talking about and then is very upset and takes it out on woman over and over again when it turns out she did know what she was talking about. He succcckkkkksssss

[cer-rata]

⭐ : Most underrated character in your opinion

🌠 : Something about canon/fanon you dislike

⭐: John Henry and Natasha Irons. Not that they never get any shine. But...in a lot of ways they're haven't really gotten a lot to do in the past 20 years and that's sad. I think they're important for Metropolis, and the Superman mythos, and comics in general for what they represent, but...you know. They're there. There are characters that I think have been shafted worse, (Karen, Kara, Kenan, Jon, A--actually let me stop before I end up naming everyone) but Steel's tenure has been just...so uneventful for so long. He deserves to be on the Justice League at some point, and honestly. I would be thrilled if Steelworks got a book. Can you imagine a world where Steel and Mr. Terrific got to be characters at the same time? I digress.

🌠: That's an either/or slash, so I will ignore it and make two points instead. :3

Canon: I hate that Clark and Lois can't be like. Just...fine, at being parents even. Not even good at it but just not horrible? I feel like I've been talking about disdain for children a lot recently (it's a hill I will die on), but...I just think it's shitty writing tbh. And I looked pretty closely at the more recent examples. And they just smack of wasted potential. The stories are never allowed to go anywhere, which is so odd considering Bruce gets a new child to kick down a flight of stairs every 8 or so years. I don't' understand why the symbol of hope and progress that Superman is supposed to be is eternally saddled with making only the worst choices he can about his kids. I think even the Magog stuff in World's Finest was kinda like...Clark really?

And this is not to say I think he and Lois should be perfect parents, but there's a lot of ways for parents to stumble and shockingly, they often have to do with preexisting personality traits. Apathy and stupidity color neither Clark Kent nor Lois Lane, so if you want them to mess up their children, maybe at the very least tie those problems into flaws they already have.

Or again, maybe just tell a nice coming of age story for once.

*Ahem*

Fanon: People don't read enough comics. And like...I'm not saying you have to read everything all the time, I cheat and skim and ask for summaries, but I mean more that the general cultural awareness of the content of Superman media is far below that of Batman media and because of that people don't pull from as much established stories as I wish they would, and as such tend to lean on other characters to support narratives that are supposed to be about Supers. Again that's not some kind of moral judgement, it's just a consequence of not being as familiar with the material and it happening often enough to kind of just become a thing. I do blame the publisher primarily for the way they've marketed a select few characters ad nauseam and somehow wonder why other books aren't doing so well. Batman is only so popular because of the long, decent and consistent history he has of pretty good media adaptations, and aggressive marketing. I feel like most generations have a moment where Batman was culturally a big deal, and that's not just a reflection on the fiction but on the money and attention given it to by its caretakers.

To me fanon is a theory that answers a question left open by the actual text. I think when people just...say things happened that didn't and are in direct conflict with what is written on the page, it's just ...fanfiction. Which I like, but it's explicitly not canon and I think that should be clear always.

And that does tie in to my first point actually, because the less you know about a character, the more you make up, and if you don't really get the bones of the original idea, then it's really easy to start projecting, and then you have popularized fan depictions consumed by people who only read fanfiction and suddenly there is earnest complaining about a canon that does not exist. Which just...makes it hard to communicate sometimes, and I don't have the patience always to drag out the scans every time I want to talk about my fave, but there's no real guarantee that anyone is knows has base concept anymore, you really have to check every time.

Don't be Grant Morrison. If you want to reference something specific, read the thing first. No one knows what Clark's reaction to Kon actually was and why it was what it was, and it's...well it's actually really funny to see discourse pop up about two characters where no one present knows what's going on, but also, like. Yikes.

[lungthief]

not even bothering to ask on anon bc this is my calling card but I am DESPERATE to know your shivlisa headcanons

HI im so sorry it took me so long to respond to this ask, i promise i wasn’t ignoring it, i just have a long ass backstory framework i wrote for them lmao, here it is:

- shiv & lisa meet while shiv is in undergrad at yale and lisa is completing her law degree (and TAing one of shiv’s classes probably)

- start to hang out outside of class

- definitely friends, probably mutually attracted to each other at this point (i cant decide whether or not itd make more sense for them to start hooking up while still in college or if they wait until after when theyve reconnected) (shivs definitely at least Aware of the fact that she likes girls if she’s not already fucking them) (i feel like her brothers’ own dabbling in gay shit made her avoid confronting her feelings as much as possible bc she saw the consequences firsthand w/ what happened to roman and probably kendall also) (she’s so determined to not be the fuckup) (but the problem is that she is Very Much attracted to women) (maybe it’s a lady Gaga poker face moment where she goes out and fucks guys and thinks of girls while doing it)

- lisa graduates, goes to DC—shiv is still studying polisci but doesn’t really know what she wants to do

- all she knows is it makes her feel better to at least pretend to care about people and it makes staying out of the business look like her own choice instead of her dad and her brothers actively freezing her out

- shiv graduates, leans toward the left

- this sparks a big argument with her dad re: ATN or politics or something (probably ends up getting belittled by him & her brothers), which makes her decide to fully pursue being a political consultant for dems

- reconnects with lisa while trying to surround herself w/ libs in DC

- she & lisa start hooking up (despite the fact that lisa has a boyfriend) (i imagine this is also around the time kendall introduces shiv to nate so thats happening also)

- neither lisa nor shiv really acknowledge the whole Feelings part of their thing but it is definitely there (more so for shiv than for lisa, which shiv hates bc she hates caring about other people more than they care about her) (she’s Shiv Fucking Roy everyone should be worshipping her)

- meanwhile logan is still pissed at shiv for everything

- things are also not going well with nate, he either suspects or knows she’s cheating on him but she breaks up with him first to get out in front of it (he worships her but he’s also on her level which makes him dangerous anyway she’d rather just have a boyfriend who doesn’t challenge her like that) (she’s also just devoting so much of her time and energy to trying to figure out where she stands with lisa)

- lisa starts talking about getting engaged to the guy she’s seeing, tells shiv they have to break off their thing

- shiv is Heartbroken and jealous but won’t admit it

- she also has no one to fall back on bc she already broke things off with Nate

- so then lets it slip to someone that lisa fucks women (i don’t think she’d talk about their recent relationship, i think shiv would off-handedly allude to them having a relationship in college even if they didn’t “how do you know” “we went to college together. i know from experience” etc etc even if shes completely lying her ass off. this angle looks especially bad for lisa bc the whole TA/student thing)

- lisa’s boyfriend? fiance? catches wind of this, breaks up with lisa over the rumors

- lisa goes to shiv for comfort but shiv is super blasé abt the whole thing bc part of her wanted this to happen

- lisa gets suspicious of how this info even got out and shiv tries to just play it off as DC gossip but then (because shes in love with lisa still a little and wants to believe lisa loves her) is like “well. it’s already out there why not continue this we dont have to say that we’re dating or anything we can just. yknow. stay together” basically proposing they have an actual formal relationship even if it’s not public

- lisa is fucking pissed bc a) shiv just fucked up what was supposed to be Her Marriage and b) is like “is this some fucking ploy to get at your dad???” bc obviously shiv roy daughter of conservative media empire even just rumored to be dating a prominent Black female dem lawyer would be a Big fuck you to logan (i doubt shiv even really considered this angle bc she’s so involved in her own jealousy and feelings for Lisa) and it is a move that would also endear her to the dems and get her more important jobs (which is the whole reason she sought out lisa in dc in the first place even if not the Entire reason)

- shiv has no idea how to even respond to this she did not realize the consequences

- Lisa (rightfully!) tells her off about how she’s self involved and hypocritical for trying to appear empathetic when she doesn’t even think to consider the extent to which shiv’s pettiness would affect lisa as a woman and as a POC in the professional world and how even just associating with shiv makes her look and feel bad because shiv is heir to The Misogynistic Racism Factory

- Shiv Knows She Fucked Up Real Bad and attempts to explain that she did it all bc she loves lisa and she was jealous and lisa is like you are fucking delusional!!!! the two of us together would never work out even if we wanted it to (bc i do think there is part of lisa under all of the pragmatism that would want it to work out) and shiv is a mess at this point bc she hates feeling naive and lisa is basically confirming that she never was as In It as shiv was

- Shiv (miserable) is probably like “im sorry im sorry I’ll take care of it I’ll get PR to deal with it i just don’t want to lose you please let’s be friends let’s just put this all behind us okay” and lisa is like no actually I want nothing to fucking do with you you made a big fucking mess and now i have to clean it up

- And this whole fight and cutting lisa off is what Shiv becoming the mess that she and Tom reference later on and what eventually leads her to dating him

[kymera-casterwill]

So as a head's up, if you wanted to get pancakes and/or a drink hoping to get Eric's sticker, you're being 'severely judged', as this person it admitted themselves.

Did you take a long trip? Did you have to wait long? Maybe even in the cold and rain? Were you excited to go? Did you smile while greeting this person? Maybe you even took some photos to share and promote the event... Well, you may have not gotten your sticker, but you get to receive this treatment from the person behind the counter instead! 😀

Imagine hoping to have a good time only to come across this remark on Twitter. How would seeing this, something out freely in the public no less, affect those who just wanted a sticker for their favorite LI?

I can't understand why someone would judge the players when they had no choice to break up with their love interest BEFORE being able to get together with Eric? Why not judge BEEMOOV who decided that this would be how his route would work?

Why do so many people who dislike Eric act like he invented "the cheating" in a relationship? The reason I ask is because I've seen A LOT of people say things like "If you picked Eric, you must cheat in real life as well" or "If you like Eric, I don't want to know how you treat relationships in real life". People didn't wait for Eric to cheat or be cheated on.

At what point did other players' choices in a game have any impact on this person life, on their own game (if this person even played in the first place), or even the other players' lives?

Then you should also judge those who dated Valkyon in Season 1 of Eldarya and moved onto Lance in Season 2? Or what about those who wanted to be with him from the start? Or those who tried to seduce Leigh in HSL? Or those who picked Ezarel (with he has also done a lot of questionable things) and/or LEIFTAN?

When did insulting, judging, threatening, and mocking real people become more acceptable over "hurting" a fictional character?

On Twitter, I tagged Beemoov in my reply. Here, I'll take the libery to tag @chinomiko and repeat once again that this person lacks professionalism. Their job is to give customers what they asked for-- not make public remarks on their tastes. Customers are there to pay for food and drinks, not judgement of their preferences.

P.S. I am anticipating some by telling you that no, I haven't played LL so I never came across Eric directly, I stopped at Episode 14 of UL/CL, that I'm not confortable with the theme of cheating and can't see myself ever doing that to a partner, and just like the LIs, I wouldn't be able to forgive someone because I could no longer trust them.' But we're talking about a video game here-- Even if my feelings on it haven't changed, there is no reason to take it out on other players who just wanted to have fun.

THANK YOU also to the lovely person who took the time to translate the wall of text that I wrote, I won't tag you because I don't want you to be involved in the matter if some people might take it the wrong way, but really thank you so much 😭💙

[myloveforhergoeson]

are there any differences to roxy's characterization from when you first thought up of her vs now over one year on? excluding plot directed character growth (like her being more comfortable in her standing within the group vs earlier). is there anything particular that you wrote/made notes on in the earlier days where youre like that's not what she would say

what about other ocs like declan somerset and mag and dani? or even canon characters youve fleshed out more like camille, jo, dak zevon

hi!! yes yes yes there are so many things that have changed about her over the course of this story from when i conceptualized the idea, wrote it out, and began publishing it!

like you mentioned, rox becoming comfortable with the guys and her new friends has been the main thing, but aside from that she's now learning about good relationships, realizing that being with dak messed her up a bit and working through that

but enough about plot directed character growth! there were plenty of instances and scenes i had written in her early days (and even now lol) where i just had to completely chop conversations out and reword them because she used to be a lot more combative than she is now. less go with the btr flow and more... hey are we going to get fired?? but that's not fun at all - so she's mostly transformed to be an accomplice.

i'm not sure if this also counts, but outside of her writing she's not very good at processing her own feelings so there were a few instances in which other characters made her upset (camillle; james; dak) where i wrote out some scenes where she essentially exploded at them and reading it back it felt so so so wrong. she can hardly put to words her own feelings in conversation, so i changed those to scenes that i think fit her better

instead of blowing up at dak over his cheating she chose to distance herself from what was happening and end their "business relationship" before their real relationship (originally she threw a stapler at him. it was awesome. but she'd never really do that so i cut it out)

instead of screaming at camille for kissing the boy she likes, roxy stepped back and asked her why she had chosen to hurt logan, not why she'd kissed james (i stopped writing this one fully before it got ugly because it hurt me, but roxy had some choice words about breaking girl code)

instead of actually talking to james and working out their problems on tour, she's trying to figure out why he doesn't like her - if it was something she had done, not if there was anything she could say

so yeah. dubs for the emotionally stunted girls. damn maybe she should work on that idk

i haven't written dec or dani enough to have their original personalities shift from what i had originally imagined - declan is just a goofy teen dad trying to raise his daughter the best he can. while he's just trying to be there for her, sometimes he's gotta put the father foot down too! dani is just kind of catty and they typically follow mag's lead on things.

as for mag, i originally wrote a scene where rox bumped into him at the grocery store when they got kicked off rocque records. he was a lot meaner than i wanted him to be, so i just kicked the scene entirely. but you can read it here if you want! in my head he's a lot more of a nicer on the outside kinda guy, like in the Morning Glory chapter. what he says is sweet, but his words have bad undertones and he's very good at getting what he wants. more of this in the future~

i think i do pretty well at writing the canon characters in line with how they act in the show... except for james.... god. literally every time i write him i think im doing it wrong and it bothers me so much lmao. like yes he's silly he's goofy he always wants to make out with his girlfriend (not that she's complaining) but he simply would not be like. the perfect boyfriend. but this is my story and i want him to be so he is!!!!!!!!!!!! so yeah sometimes i'll write him and rox talking and just have to completely delete what he says because he's not that brilliant and make him say something stupid instead lol

so tl;dr! yes all the freaking time. all. the. time. but that's what makes writing fun! it's like a puzzle, placing everyone's distinct personalities together and putting them in situations to see how they'd react. i think all of them get along really well, even when they butt heads :) but sometimes whats in the drafts has gotta stay in the drafts

[tatjana-fantasy]

Why Rachel King from House of Ashes is actually an amazing character

First off: It's completely okay if you don't like Rachel! Different people are drawn to different characters. Nobody is forced to like a character they simply don't vibe with. This is just my view of a character who I personally think is both overhated and underrated. More under the cut.

I want to preface this by saying that I believe every choice a character can make is, in at least one universe, canon for that character. This often hurts to think about, since there are a lot of choices that feel very ooc, but in my opinion, they wouldn't even be an option if they truly didn't fit at least one tiny part in a character's personality. But now let's talk about Rachel.

Many people see her as the "Queen Bitch" and nothing more. And to be fair, that's definitely what she's going for. She wears this nickname "like a fucking badge of honor," as she can reveal to Clarice. But why? Why would she like to be known as the Queen Bitch?

The reason is simple and revealed in the same conversation: "You think I got where I am with a soft word and a warm smile?" (No. Of course not.) "I had to graft to get here. [...] They have no idea the shithill I've climbed to just get where I am right now."

I can't even begin to explain how incredibely sad this actually is. Rachel had to become the Queen Bitch because she wouldn't have been taken seriously otherwise. As a woman in the military, being soft and warm simply wasn't an option. Characters like Merwin already make sexist jokes about women – imagine how he would've treated Rachel if she wouldn't have established her status, but tried to treat him nicely instead. The only way Rachel could find respect was by becoming the Queen Bitch. She put on a mask (quite similar to Jason, actually) and eventually, the mask became a crucial part of her personality.

But that's not all. The "shithill" she climbed? This is likely the amount of knowledge she had to gather in order to become the leader of her group. She can speak Arabic, which is one of the most difficult languages to learn. She possesses great historical knowledge, being able to easily recognize stuff like Pagan effigies, a Pazuzu statue and Sumerian cuneiform. Eric sums it up nicely: She's quite an expert on history.

But do you know what's the most baffling thing about all of this? Rachel is the only character who possesses these abilities. No one else in her team can speak or understand Arabic. Nick flat-out admits that he fluked history in school. And the very noteworthy thing about this is the fact that the rest of Rachel's group are all men. To me, it seems like Rachel, because she's a woman, had to prove herself more than the men had to, and gather a lot more knowledge in a lot more areas. This also explains why she's so protective over her status, since she worked her ass off in order to earn it.

"But," I hear some of you say, "she cheated on Eric! And she can shoot Salim! And she says bullshit like 'I was stronger than them all'!"

Okay, let's start with the cheating first. You know, on the one hand, I absolutely hate cheating (I mean, if you get together with someone who cheats on their partner, how can you expect them to be loyal to you?), but on the other hand, Rachel's situation is a little different than a lot of other cheating scenarios I've encountered. She didn't see Eric for a full year, their marriage basically only existed on paper. Rachel was ready to move on. And your heart doesn't choose whom to fall in love with. To Rachel, it probably didn't even feel like cheating, considering how long she has been separated from Eric. Out of sight, out of mind. No, it does not excuse her actions, but for me, it does make it more understandable. Plus, it's something she eventually overcomes, choosing either Eric, Nick, or neither, so I can't be too mad at her about that.

I'm always surprised when people bring up Rachel shooting Salim though, since it takes a lot of set-up. If you dislike a character for doing something in a super obscure path that requires multiple specific choices across the entire game, shouldn't you also dislike a character like Jason, who is only two choices away from leaving Salim behind to die? Not to mention, this path also requires Jason to shoot an innocent shepherd who did absolutely nothing to him. Yet, I haven't seen anyone hating him for that. Personally, I can totally understand why Rachel, after she lost her husband to an enemy soldier, would want to avenge him; even in the path where she and Eric didn't get along, Salim robbed them of the chance of changing that. And in the path where they did get along ... she just lost the love of her life. I think a lot of people would be pretty vengeful after that. Not to mention, Salim's situation does look very shady, first killing Eric and then returning without Jason. Who wouldn't suspect that he had something to do with his death?

Some people also complain that Rachel doesn't want to give Salim a gun even if you make the best choices. But I think many people forget that Rachel and Salim almost had no interactions with each other, and certainly didn't have time to establish a trustworthy bond. Jason himself doesn't trust Salim with a gun in their determinant second-ish meeting, after Salim surrenders to him when Eric is already dead. Unlike Rachel, he can change his opinion, but only because he actually got to know Salim - Rachel, however, didn't. Of course she doesn't trust him with a gun. In the midst of war, you probably wouldn't want to give your enemy a weapon, either.

Rachel's line how she was "stronger than them all" is ... quite awful, tbh. No matter if she means her fellow comrades or the vampires, she definitely didn't do as much as the others. But while I do think that the line is pretty bad and while I do wish it wouldn't be the last thing we ever heard from her, here's the thing: I don't want to judge characters by a single line they said. People say questionable stuff all the time, both in real life and in fictional stories. But judging them solely based on one weak moment? Not something I want to do, so that line didn't influence my opinion on her character.

This brings me to Rachel's compassionate, heroic side – a side of hers that is frequently forgotten. In general, she can show her nicer side to people that are on the same level as her - most notably, Clarice and Eric. They are people where Rachel doesn't have to worry that they'll suddenly start to treat her like a lesser being for being more than the "Queen Bitch", so she feels more comfortable opening up to them.

Her compassionate side is shown first during the raid, I believe, where it's very important to her that Jason doesn't kill any innocent civilians. She herself can shoot one of them, but she doesn't do it out of fun, but to protect Jason from an attacking shepherd.

A few chapters later, there's the Rope Scene. Originally, Rachel was supposed to cut herself free in the Theatrical Cut if her relationship with Eric was high enough, but due to an earlier scene being cut, this is not possible anymore; instead, she can cut the rope in the Curator's Cut regardless of relationship. This is the first difficult choice she has to make: Potentially sacrificing her life in order to save Eric. It's an action that takes an incredible amount of courage, so I really appreciate that it is a choice that Rachel can make.

The next time we see Rachel, she's in the bloody pit, escaping from a vampire and meeting Clarice. I already talked about how Rachel can show her compassionate side here, potentially opening up to Clarice. But what I love the most is the fact that Rachel is very firm when it comes to helping her. Of course, she can also choose to leave Clarice behind, but it's very notable that once she was brought back, Rachel constantly insists that she needs help and shouldn't be abandoned. I really appreciate her loyalty here, since she's pretty much the only character who is on Clarice's side, the only one who doesn't want to give up on her. While helping her sadly doesn't work (which Rachel eventually realizes), I love Rachel for being the only one who at least wants to try.

When it comes to awesome scenes, Rachel and the machine gun come to mind, but my actual favorite scene takes place a few chapters later. When Rachel's infection threatens to overwhelm her and she has the option to kill herself with WP. She's only the second character in the anthology who can make the intentional decision to kill herself. In her case, she does it to protect the others – which is such a heroic choice that I'm surprised not more people mention it. Jason can also sort-of get infected, but he never seems to be worried about turning into a vampire; Rachel however does worry, and can choose a rather horrifying death to stop herself from potentially harming the others.

And it doesn't stop there. If she doesn't use WP (or simply doesn't have it), she can still beg Jason to shoot her in order to avoid turning. And if he doesn't shoot her, she can still volunteer to be cocooned, not knowing if the others will actually come back for her. Of course, she can also choose the opposite of these decisions - but I think that's more than understandable. Who would want to die a horrible death or live forever in a cocoon? Hopefully nobody. Which makes it even more awesome that Rachel has the choice to do so.

I wouldn't say that Rachel is my favorite character, btw. She can be a little too abrasive at times and her character revolves a little too much around finding a love interest. But she's still a brave, strong woman – and, in my opinion, one of the most underrated characters in the anthology.

[puppetoffthehook]

Really unpopular opinion but i don't think Nancy cheated on Steve.

Honestly I think it might depend on how you look at the events of season 2. (Also not certain why I was sent this but I’ll give my two cents.)

Nancy’s having a crisis over everything because she keeps forcing herself to attend those dinners with Barb’s parents where they think Barb is alive and she knows that she’s dead. Literally causing herself and Steve emotional distress because the whole thing was just really fucking awkward and if that’s how it was that time I can only imagine how it’s been since the first invite.

Steve is right that they can’t talk about anything that happened especially in the very public library that she starts ranting to him in (even if they went to a private room, spying governments won’t care about your discretion on shit they’re trying to cover up.) and he makes it clear that he knows she’s frustrated but he’s unwilling to die for this. I can’t say I blame him for that one because her plans after that were honestly? Fucking stupid. Getting captured by the people responsible for the death of your best friend in hopes they spill the military secret beans was one of the most idiotic things in the world and I’m 10000% sure the only reason they lived is because she brought Jonathan instead of Steve. Cuz if Jonathan went missing Joyce would’ve been on the fucking warpath.

And the only reason I think you might be a little bit right is because of Nancy’s little drunken outburst and Steve’s response to it the next time they see each other. Yes, Nancy, Steve is trying to pretend shit is normal instead of going the espionage route because he’s a teenage boy who doesn’t wanna die or watch the girl he’s in love with die. Does that make him bullshit? Apparently. You know what else is kinda bullshit? Stringing someone along when you know you don’t have real feelings for them. Steve makes it pretty clear that he’s pissed she can’t even say “I love you” BUT neither of them say “I think we should break up.” He simply returns the sentiment saying maybe she’s the one who’s bullshit.

This could be seen as the breakup point but then we get to Steve coming to apologize, clearly trying to fix things even though I really don’t think that shit was his fault. But Nancy is already MIA with Jonathan and they’re on their way to Murray’s. Murray who listens to Nancy’s woes over Steve and goes “we like Steve but we don’t love Steve.” And Nancy tries to dispute that but can’t. Even she makes it known that her relationship with Steve technically isn’t over yet. And then she proceeds to fuck Jonathan later that night while Steve is helping Dustin and lamenting about what went wrong.

And I think the Dufflebags tried writing Steve giving bad flirting advice because they’re showing he hasn’t matured yet and trying to give Nancy a pass but it just kinda comes across as “how did the guy become known as a panty dropper when he’s that bad at flirting already and only gets worse in season 3 but supposedly is back on game in season 4?”

Speaking of season 4, we have Nancy in another spot where she can’t seem to pick a man because we have her seeming to be pining over Steve while being with Jonathan just because Jonathan has been distant. Which is because Jonathan wanted to stay close to his family for college and didn’t know how to break that to her because they had a plan to go to the same college.

And don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate Nancy. I think she’s made some objectively idiotic choices and she’s been a bit flippant over other people’s issues in the past, for example Jonathan not wanting to lose the job at the paper because his family is kinda poor and he needs the job. Yes she was being discriminated against because she was a teenage girl in a male dominated field. What the fuck was her also teenage boyfriend supposed to do about that? Go off the handle and have them both get fired? Well that happened anyway after the stunts she pulled with Jonathan so maybe. But again, I don’t hate her.

All of this to say that whether or not she cheated is disputed. I have no access to any interview by the Dufflebags stating one way or another but personally. Factoring in no actual moment of saying they’re broken up, the fact that Steve was on his way to apologize (when it wasn’t his fault), and Nancy straight up trying to lie to Murray that she was in love with Steve? It sounds like cheating to me to do that and then fuck the other guy.

[ettadunham]

not to brag... but i've been gaming.

there were several games i finished recently, and one of them was project eden: an action-adventure game from 2001, made by the same studio who brought us the original tomb raider games. and i absolutely hated playing this.

you play as a group of future cops who - no joke - have a more diverse cast than a 2010s marvel movie. there's even a robot! they really covered all their bases. and as your first mission, you have to investigate some kind of disturbance at the real meat factory. (don't worry, one of the characters makes the joke. and the female protag facepalms. it's kind of beautiful, ngl.)

also, the real meat factory is actually a synthetic meat factory. that being said, there are a suspicious number of dogs in the labs. and yes, you will have to kill a lot of dogs. but that's just part of playing a cop simulator i suppose.

also, also, most of the dogs are mutant dogs, because the story then pivots to you fighting mutants. because drugs. this is now also an anti-drug psa.

you might be catching on to the fact that the story and the tone of this game is... kinda weird. the voice acting is not helping either, giving us some of the most confounding deliveries imaginable. that in itself, can be kinda charming and bad in a fun way, and i was totally on board! if anything, the ps2 graphics only enhance this feeling, and i was even more delighted to discover that the game sometimes would just have 2d drawings instead of 3d assets as its non-interactive objects. what a weird and cost-effective old school design choice!

there's a pretty fun gimmick to the game's team setup as well. most puzzles and obstacles in the game require you to use multiple or specific characters - carter (the team lead) can open security doors, minoko is a hacker, etc. you also sometimes have to use one character to hold down a lever so the other can go through a door... things like that. apparently the game has a multiplayer option (my version just crashed when i clicked on it though, lol), which i imagine might make this whole aspect even more fun, but it all works in a single player mode as well.

except... the ai and the pathfinding is absolute dogshit. and your companions will not follow you. andre (the repair guy) especially seems to hate following you, and will get stuck on the most mundane surfaces. and given that most of the game is just you running around, trying to retrace your steps or finding where you're supposed to be going, having to do this regularly for multiple characters is an absolute nightmare.

also, the part where you have to shoot someone? bad. boring. you get new weapons throughout the game, but who cares. it's not even worth trying to strategize (other than for like one enemy that you can't take out unless you shoot at it very specifically), because when you die, you just resurrect at a checkpoint, and your enemies don't even regain health. it's not challenging but it is tedious.

you do have to somewhat look out for your ammo though, since you can only recharge your weapons at so-called recharge stations or use energy cells, that are a finite resource early on. at some point, i actually managed to softlock myself, because i needed to use a weapon to unlock a recharger and - you guessed it - i was out of ammo. great game design, guys. good thing that cheat codes still existed in 2001 (thank you, cheat codes!)

oh, and did i mention? there is 3d platforming. my favorite. great. awesome.

overall, i was using a walkthrough with this one a lot. like... a lot. there are just parts where it's absolutely not clear what you're supposed to be doing, and it's easy to get lost. there was also a part where i'm pretty sure i managed to get an npc killed that i was supposed to talk to to advance the quest. good thing i was saving pretty regularly by that point.

so... yeah. actually playing this game? not super fun. would not particularly recommend. the puzzles with the multiple characters are fun, and i especially liked a level where your team gets separated, and you have to do things in one section to help your other team members, but otherwise... the shooting and the running around gets old pretty fast.

that is until about 2/3 of the game where you get an unexpected flashback from one of the characters, tying her to the plot. turns out, she was essentially kidnapped by the cops when she was a kid, and got separated from her sister and father. wild.

i want to reiterate that we are at this point 2/3 into the game with no prior indication that our characters had any ties to the loosely defined story. we barely even defined our characters.

this is exactly the kind of nonsense i signed up for!

anyway, at this point, like me, you might think: oh. so the cops are the bad guys in this game! they really were ahead of the zeitgeist!

and to be fair, there are things in this game that would support the theory that this was actually intentional on the game's end. after all, the story takes place in a cyberpunk future where the cops are clearly there to protect corporate interests. we even meet a group of people living underground, whom our cops tell that they wouldn't protect them. it's all not very subtle.

but... no, it turns out that the bad guy is actually minoko's (said character with the flashbackstory) dad. because he's an evil scientist.

oh. that's actually pretty boring.

except, sike! spoiler alert! the real bad guy is actually the sister! who's still a little girl, because weird science. and fair play! if it wasn't gonna be the cops, creepy child is always a close second for a big bad choice.

and then the game ends on an absolutely bizarre note that made me laugh throughout the entirety of the credits.

10/10! no notes! never ever play it!

[hertwood]

dts s2 e4-6

e4: -sorry seb's "says who?" at the start of episode (in response to ferrari telling him what to do) GAGGED sets the tone for the episode PERFECTLY -mattia talks about monza the way indy drivers talk abt the 500 lmao -the whole "there is no #1 driver" bit makes me think hey r there parallels to be drawn between sebchal here and alonso/hamilton in 2007? just thinkin about it -before i get to far i want to share some thoughts: when i first watched this episode with NO prior knowledge it was rly hard to follow. after i heard about the specifics of the ferrari engine controversy (cheating), for the second watch i remember this episode suddenly clicking for me! this episode would've benefitted so much from a will buxton monologue explaining the juicy details for a newish viewer. i understand that there might have been pressure from ferrari to not include those details but it is such a shame, to have such a core piece of information missing and viewers have to try to piece together the narrative without it :/ -HI LAURA WINTER -very much get the impression that seb is like the family member who notices the generational trauma and going hey maybe we should change things to stop that and gets exiled from the family instead :) those sure are the vibes -HI CHARLOTTE -im sorry the back to back "seb has a lack of confidence with the car. and charles' car is not performing" like theyre the same car but you're gonna frame it like its seb's fault but not charles's? mattia choke -at the part where they're explaining the engine controversy--i still stand by wishing they explained it better and EARLIER because i think its much needed context for the first half of the episode too -at the end of the day all i need to know is that seb clearly thought that what ferrari did was wrong, and thats all i need to know if he says so then i believe it!! -the way netflix is trying to tease like ~oh imagine all the different teams he could go to! who wouldnt want him~ is so cheeky but also i NEED to know what this was like live when yall didnt know where he was going i'm JEALOUS i wish i got to be there for it all to unfold -double ferrari dnf at monza must've been crazy to watch live too lmao -seb zigzagging through all the photographers on his bicycle. love him -seb announcing his new seat the same weekend as ferrari's 1000th is crazy ex girlfriend levels of unhinged (pos). like posting ultrasound pics the same day as your ex's wedding type of shit. no one does it like him -sorry im incapable of watching ferrari episodes without writing an essay. hope you enjoyed

ep5: -the great daniel/cyril divorce -i cant remember who said it or where i saw it but when i first got into f1 properly someone talked about how Different things might've been if there hadn't been covid--since the season was delayed, the contract was signed before reneault could have any races with daniel that year--so daniel could only make that decision based off 2019 races -the jump clearly did not work out for him but alpine also went to shit too. but if cyril hadn't left who knows. i think all of daniel's choices make sense honestly!!!! he just got very unlucky -anyway their dynamic is insane and they deserve soooo many more fic than they have!! -"it's probably a bit like being dumped by a girlfriend, but she hasn't moved out of the house yet." christian did eat with this one. unfortunately -i love cyril but him being the one to actually complain about the pink mercedes feels very..... my wife is divorcing me so i'm gonna sue my neighbors over the property line -"i hate those fucking pink cars" oh i need to gif that. i'll be watching and i'll just KNOW like yeah that needs to be in the next gifset -i cant believe i havent mentioned it yet renault colors are the BEST daniel has ever looked i miss having yellow n black on the grid. maybe thats why alpine went to shit they gave up the best color combo they could have

e7: -pierre redemption episode!!! i think this is one of the best episodes ever tbh. very cathartic movie plotline really ticks all the boxes -HI PATRICK -ok but the fact that dts NEVER covered alex's podiums w red bull after milking the shit out of his missed podiums is a hate crime to me personally -onboards going through eau rouge are scary af. -filled with rage at how christian horner chews up new drivers and spits them up (even though its all so predictable at this point. no one will ever live up to the golden boy) -i remember seeing people complain that the williams family leaving wasn't given focus in dts, if anyone has any fun video essays about that i'd love to watch! -i do take issue with will buxton saying "red bull can't admit they made a mistake (with alex)" i think red bull made a mistake with promoting ANYONE too early and expecting too much from them, but not in a pierre v alex way. neither of them were given enough time or support by red bull to flourish. and they lowkey admitted that recently lmao -but it /is/ cathartic to know that red bull have tried to get alex back since then and he doesn't need his toxic ex in his life anymore no thanks ✌️ -i just know i'll LOVE watching this race in full -they set up the suspense so well for the end of the race -and it really is. if carlos had won this race with mclaren, his first win, how different would the trajectory of his career been -ANYWAY theres something that just always gets me about men holding all their emotions in right until they cross the finish line and they finally allow themselves to feel the emotions. (recent example that made me SOB was theo when he won f2) i also love how much it clearly meant to the alphatauri guys in the garage. last time that happened was with seb for torro rosso yeah? so its clearly so so special

[xenizaation]

times on end

Warning! Sexual content ahead! Minors please dni!

pairing: choi san x fem! reader

genre: established relationship, smut

word count: 3k

warnings: oral sex(f receiving), fingering, nipple play, unprotected sex, creampie, pet names, impregnation kink, dirty talk(like lots of it, this may be the chattiest smut scene i ever wrote), rough sex, choking.

a/n: gotta be honest, i didn't expect anyone to ask for a second part to this fic, but am glad y'all did cus i really enjoyed writing both parts. not as long as i planned it to be, but it's not so short either. hope you guys enjoy! xoxo

this fic can be read by itself, but if you want some insight you should read the first part here

signing the divorce papers was harder than you'd imagined. you wanted to think, to hope, that the feelings you had for san would completely overshadow whatever was left that was still burning inside you for the man who stood by your side for years, but they didn't-not entirely.

you were sure you wanted to do this and yet, seeing your husband almost teary-eyed after hearing your news made you think otherwise. it made mercy take such a toll on your head that you actually, for a fair minute, considered staying only for him not to suffer. to bare everything upon your shoulders in silence, making you think it's what you deserve after betraying him so bluntly. guilt was the thing holding you next to him more than anything else.

but there was a selfish side of you to which you were completely thankful for snapping you back to reality. one that endlessly carried you to your desires and more specifically, to your san.

"can you just move into my place already? this is starting to become tiring." his sweet voice echoed in between the walls of your apartment after the sound of him closing the door behind the two of you. "you're there five nights a week anyway." he continues, dropping the empty bags that were going to be filled with clothes next to you.

coming to collect things from your own home has become a weekly habit in the six months since you and san decided to go exclusive. as of now, he already learned where everything was, being fully capable to pack your bag even on the nights you had to stay out late to the same office he bossed you around in. you trusted him with your key along many other unspoken things.

"i just don't want to rush anything, san." you say while turning away from him and opening your underwear drawer, snooping through the lacy pieces of lingerie.

what you didn't want to rush in fact, was the mourning of your previous relationship. or the lack of it if you were completely honest with yourself. in some kind of way, you were emotionally detached from your marriage for a long time before breaking it, and it was noticeable seeing how not much remorse lived inside you now. you only felt bad for the cheating part, for not being brave enough to tell your husband your feelings had ceased to exist when they did and choosing to be unfair to him instead. but you couldn't turn back time, and even if you could you're not sure you would do it.

"rush? didn't you have an affair with me? moving together scares you more?" he replies with a very amused laugh as he throws his body on your squeaky bed.

"it's not that," you sigh still searching through the drawer but not paying any attention to the various pieces of undergarments that tangle between your fingers. it's hard to put your thoughts into words, especially the ones that you thought wouldn't be spoken into reality. "it's just...i don't want to risk getting too familiar with each other and then realizing that maybe it's not what we want." you mutter out, taking a seat on the corner of the bed as you avoid san's gaze at all costs, keeping it fixed on the ground beneath you.

poor choice of words for what you meant to express, that being "i'm afraid you're going to get bored of me and then it'll turn out exactly like my catastrophe of a marriage."; there was no reason for you to have these doubts, in your time together san has been nothing but loving and understanding towards your every need, showing times and times again how he was devoted completely to you and the relationship between the two of you. but you couldn't help being paranoid about some things, all of this being the effect of your now ended marriage.

the bed squeaks as san sits straight, dragging his body closer to you as he places one warm hand on top of your cold ones in your lap. there's more than physical warmth that he offers you, there's that heat that engulfs you entirely, from the inside out, whenever he lays as little as his observant gaze upon you. his touch was on another level even, making you feel like the most precious stone in the world whenever he caressed your skin with his soft fingertips.

you felt like you were in a dark abyss, and he was the one pulling you out of it. your past partners have never made you feel like this, not even for a second, and this was the exact reason why you were afraid of fucking it all up. living in terror with the thought that one small mistake is going to turn this thing all around and you would find yourself not only alone, but having to live the rest of your life knowing that you have ruined your chances with the only human being in the whole entire world who you felt was your soulmate.

"look, i don't want to stress you out about it," he says as he hooks one finger under your chin, lifting your face up and towards him. "if it's not what you want, then it's ok. but i don't want you to think that i don't want it either. i would love nothing more than waking up next to you for the rest of my existence and not wondering when you're gonna go home and leave me all by myself over there." you recognize the sadness in his tone as well as what he is describing; the exact feeling of loneliness taking over you every time you found yourself in between the empty walls of your apartment. it was san's house that felt like home to you now, and it was all because he was there. he would make you feel like home even at the bottom of the ocean.

"i mean it when i say i want you there. i mean it when i say i love you. i mean everything about you, y/n," he whispers the last words like a solemn prayer he says every night before sleep. "and that's because you mean everything to me." his forehead slowly leans into yours as he closes his eyes, leaving you to assimilate all his words in a certain quietness that is far from uncomfortable and nothing short of peaceful.

your eyelids drop low too, covering your vision as your eyes start burning with the threat of tears. now, how could you reply to that? what words were fit to say to the man who has gently handed you his heart on a silver platter, telling you to do with it whatever you see fit. the way san wore his heart on his sleeve when he was with you made you love him even more, a quality of his you were struggling to learn seeing how you were much more reserved about speaking out your emotions the same way he did.

"i also meant what i said about growing tired about this whole thing. could've chosen a closer apartment you know, it's a 25 minute drive to here." he lightens up the atmosphere with a light chuckle. you start laughing as you throw your hands around him, pulling him in a tight hug while you burrow your head in his firm chest. his hands stroke your back softly and his nose sits atop the crown of your head, inhaling your essence deeply just like you do his.

"what if you get bored of me?" a light whisper, filled with concern. he pulls away slowly but your hands don't leave his body when his own cup your face, keeping it in place as he stares into your heart with an adoring look.

"don't think i'll live long enough to get bored of you." san says as he draws your face closer to his. you prepare to feel his soft lips on top of yours but instead you only see him pull his head away all of a sudden.

"how about you, hm?" he questions with a raised brow, trying his best to mask away the discouraged look in his eyes as he thinks that you getting bored of him could ever be an option. san was a being that craved reassurance, always failing in trying not to show the side of him that would desperately search for your validation. you were more than happy to give it to him, he deserved it more than anyone else.

"i couldn't get bored of you even if i tried," you reveal and peck his lips briefly. "you give good dick." you add as if that was the sole reason for it, when in fact it was near the bottom of the list of why you adored san so much.

he laughs to your joke, pulling you into a deep kiss and smashing your body against his own. things escalate quickly, something that you grew accustomed to happening when you were near san. now laying with your back on your fairly uncomfortable mattress (another made up reason that you used to spend the nights over at his house), san was pressing passionate kisses on the skin of your neck, his hands quickly actioning upon unbuttoning your blouse.

he was taking his time, kissing his way slowly down your chest until his mouth was above your breasts. he unveiled your nipple from the material of your bra by pushing it to the side and took your nipple right into his mouth. the swirls of his tongue against your areola were executed with precision, one that drove you insane every time he sucked it hungrily or grazed his perfect teeth on your sensitive bud, making you jolt underneath his touch.

his body dragged itself down, reaching the hard floor with his knees, now sitting in between your legs while he pulled your ass closer to the edge of the bed. his hands caressed your thighs in an upwards motion of lifting your skirt past the parts he needed exposed, gentle fingers hooking under the band of your panties and pulling them down in a swift motion. he placed both of your legs on his broad shoulders as he got closer to you, pressing soft kisses on the meat of your inner thigh. you were already wet for him; and he seemed to notice quite quickly, making you not wait anymore as he latched his mouth to your clit, suckling all the while he dragged his tongue over it.

your fingers only tangle themselves in his hair, pulling him closer with breathy moans of his name. he continues his ministrations, topping the pleasure he was already giving you by adding one middle finger inside, slowly dragging it against your walls. you groan at the feeling, seeing his hand quickly climbing up your torso as he takes a hold of your exposed breast, pinching your nipple in between his fingers and in the course of it, stealing a quiet whimper from you. he adds a second finger, the two digits curling inside you just right as his mouth doesn't stop showering your clit with love and attention.

it doesn't take you much longer to feel your stomach forming a tight knot, and even less to feel it untangle as the quiet electricity of an orgasm buzzes inside your body, making you moan harder as you tighten your thighs around san's head, feeling your insides swirl up and your fingertips go numb in his hair as you desperately try to push him away from you-to no avail. he removes his fingers and licks his way down to your hole, drowning his tongue in the warmness of your pulsating walls as he sucks every drop of your release into his mouth. you jolt under every lick, every forward push of his wet muscle reaching further inside, that makes you throw your head back into the mattress and your back arch instinctively, and in this moment you feel nothing more than the place where san's tongue connects with your body.

he finally lets your core catch a break, pulling his head away from your warmth and slowly getting up. his face now adorns a smirk and your juices, making his jaw glisten beautifully under the lights in the room as he leans over to kiss you. you take in his tongue, swirling your own around his muscle in a manner short of shy. you weren't sure who you tasted more: you or him, but you sure loved the taste of your essence combined with his saliva.

"i love you." you whisper into his mouth and he only deepens the kiss in return-fully aware that by now, you already know how he feels about you. he pulls you up by your waist, slowly rising you to your feet. your legs buckle beneath you when they are met with the act of supporting your whole weight.

"that good?" san chuckles while holding you by the waist to help you regain your balance. he knew exactly what effect he had on you.

you nod, kissing him again as he pushes you towards the wall, sticking your back against it as he undresses quickly. you follow without a question, watching him with all your undivided attention as he slides down his pants, leaving his erect cock naked in all its glory. your mouth waters at the sight of his veiny shaft that glistened with precum at the tip while you peeled off the last garment that was covering your body.

"choi san, mister," you mutter out as desperately as you could, looking into his hungry eyes that devoured every piece of you the same way yours did him. "are you gonna fuck me against a wall?" you question as innocently as you can conjure yourself to be in the moment with his body pressed against yours as he kissed your neck, his dick finding cover right in between your legs, sliding in between your folds and thighs with small thrusts of his hips.

"might as well make some good memories in your apartment if you don't want to leave it." he mumbles against the skin of your neck.

"who says i don't?" you whisper close to his ear.

he only looks up in surprise, as if he didn't expect you to make up your mind so quickly. he presses his lips with force against yours one more time before he turns your whole body around, making you face the wall. his knee swings your legs apart and you arch your back naturally when his hands find purchase on your hips to pull you towards him. you align his tip with your entrance and he pushes in slowly, stretching you gradually with his deliciously girthy cock.

you murmur his name as he picks up pace, every thrust of his hips making your face press against the wall more. "san, ah...harder, please. please fuck me harder." you mutter out in between breathy moans, giving body to your lustful wishes.

"fuck, y/n, keep talking like that and i'm gonna cum." he says as he presses deeper into you with each thrust, the power behind his moves being fully motivated by your desires. one strong hand wrapping around your neck just tight enough to make you moan loudly.

"it feels so fucking good, san, you feel so fucking good inside of me." you keep rambling just to feel his cock twitch inside of you at the words.

"just you wait doll, gonna fill you up with babies way before i wife you up." he groans, tightening the grip over your neck just enough to make you so dizzy that you can't think of-can't feel anyone else but him.

"that fucker wasn't able to do it, right? so incompetent you needed me to even fuck you right." he says, using all the rage that your ex-husband was awakening inside him to smash his hips into yours just the way you asked him to-hard, sort of animalic in the way your breasts bounced around every time skin made contact with skin. his forceful rams made his dick brush over your sweet spot over and over again and in combination with the hand around your neck and his impactful words, you felt your high coming in no time.

"san, i'm gonna cum-ah.." you exhaled, still feeling every inch of his cock entering deeply inside of you.

"please do, baby." he whispers in your ear.

it's not a choice to orgasm right in the moment you feel his breath fan over your nape, it's more of a natural instinct of following his orders. you cum so hard around his cock that you feel your legs are going to give up on you, standing on your tip-toes as you lean forward into the wall trying to gain some sort of support. san doesn't stop, now chasing after his own high as your hole clenches around him with every pulsation of your fading orgasm.

"oh-fuck," he growls and after a few more sloppy thrusts, he stills deep inside you-surely reaching as deep as your cervix with his tip just as hot ropes of cum splash onto your awaiting inner walls.

both of you a quivering mess now, leaned against the wall as cold drops of sweat roll down the back of your thighs whilst san hugs you from the back, not pulling out just yet. the room is filled with your breaths trying to get steady and you find your heart skipping a beat thinking of how good you feel around san, how every moment you spend with him you wish to turn into eternity like right now, with his chin pressed softly on your shoulders as his arms are wrapped lovingly around you, keeping you safe in his hold, making you feel like you're the most special being in the whole entire world.

so this is how love is supposed to feel like.

"should we pack everything then?" you ask with a light chuckle.

[serinic]

Hold me close 彡 JJK

⚠: angst, sensitive topics ahead!

— fluffy also.

“Go inside, you're going to get cold.” You tapped Jungkook, who was busy looking at the view—a very gorgeous one. He looked at you with a smile and instantly shook his head.

“Don't want to, just hold me in your arms.” You just nodded and did what he said. You hugged him tightly, scared that you might lose him anytime if you let go, how ironic

"Do you still remember how it started?" Jungkook asked a question as he planted kisses on your neck. "Of course, how could I forget it?" You two giggled when the scenarios popped out in both of your minds.

You and Jungkook reminisce about how you met, became friends, and eventually fell in love.

"Y/N, can you bring these things to Ms. Kim?" You politely said yes, even though you have a ton of work to do. You have no choice but to obey your senior.

You walked down the hallway and instead of looking at your front, your eyes were on Ms. Kim's things. full of make-up products, you didn't notice that someone was running and also not looking at their direction.

Before you even had the time to look up, you gasped as you bumped into someone's hard chest and landed your butt on a much harder surface. The products were all scattered, some were even broken. You're dead.

"Miss, are you okay?" You laughed as if it was funny, and the man made a confused face. You looked up at him and immediately blushed when you saw his face and how he offered his hand—this isn't the time for that, you thought.

You held his hand and he helped you stand up. "I am okay, but the things?" "Don't look alright" You began to bite your lower lip as you imagined what would happen if Ms. Kim found out. That woman is intimidating.

The man noticed your behavior and said, "Hey, I'm sorry. I'll just buy you a new one." You awkwardly smiled at him—great. You both are waiting for his aunt, who happens to be a makeup seller.

"The name is Jungkook, by the way. Sorry for the trouble. "

"Y/N, don't worry. It's not your entire fault, you know. "

・・・

"Oh, it's you again!" You slightly jumped from your seat when you heard a loud voice behind your back. You took a glance and saw the same man from a month ago.

"Hi, nice to see you here." You invited him to sit and drink with you. You two got to know each other, and that night, things started between the two of you.

You and Jungkook frequently hang out together, become friends at first, and, over several years, become more than that.

You still can't believe that you're lucky enough to get a guy like him—gentleman, handsome, kind, and more. You also didn't escape those people who loved to talk bad things about their fellow peers, saying that Jungkook's just playing with you, that there's no way he would fall for a girl like you and that he "might" only use you for something.

"A guy like him is only for a girl who's also just like him—perfect to be specific." But Jungkook always defended and assured you that none of those things are true and they're just a bunch of insecure.

Their words are still in your mind and became more prominent when Jungkook began to come home late, become busier, and almost have no time for you. On the other hand, the words from those leeches have also begun to poison your mind to the point that you're thinking that he's cheating on you.

There are two sides to you: the angel who kept whispering that it's just work and nothing more, and the devil who kept whispering that he's having an affair with someone.

A week ago, you waited for him to come home—late as usual. When he appeared, he shut you off with a kiss before you could even speak and took you to bed. You forget everything because of the pleasure.

A day ago, you almost cried when you pictured him with someone who is not you, so you decided to figure out the truth and hope that your other belief isn't correct.

・・・

Your eyes almost popped out when you heard that he was in a hotel, an expensive one. You still haven't gotten there yet, yet you started to sweat. Imagining various scenes that you will encounter upon your arrival

"Good afternoon, Ma'am. How can I help you? A-" You respectfully cut off the receptionist as you can't wait anymore. "Is there a reservation by the name of Jeon Jungkook?"

"Yes, ma'am."

-

You held the handle in the elevator. You felt hotter than usual—in fact, you almost fainted, but you managed to hold yourself. You're feeling so much stress. The door opened, making you hold your breath for a while.

You stepped out and heard Jungkook's voice, "Let's not meet for a while, she's getting suspicious. Just call me when needed, okay?"

This time, you really fainted. People began to surround you, asking for help. It caught Jungkook's attention and when he saw a glimpse of your face, he immediately ran towards you.

・・・

You woke up and blinked several times. You saw Jungkook sleeping by your side and your face instantly turned sour. 'What is he even doing here? After cheating on me, really?'

You make a 'tsk' sound a bit too loud and that made Jungkook awake. He immediately asked if you were okay, but you ignored him and rolled back into bed.

"Y/N, don't avoid me." He held your hand. Silence broke when he heard sniffs coming from you. Hugging you from the back, Jungkook kissed your nape repeatedly.

"Why are you here? You should go back to her! " You yelled, trying to free yourself from his hold, and he only tightened his grip.

"What are you even saying, love?" You cried harder; there's no point in denying it. When Jungkook finally understood why and what you were lashing about, he almost laughed, but held his tongue.

Since 'there's no point in denying it', he told you that he's planning to surprise you on your birthday, which will be in 4 days. He always took overtime to get more budget, booked you in an expensive hotel, bought you your dream dress.

You again and again said sorry for doubting him. Laughs and cries echoed through the room until the doctor finally appeared with a dismayed look.

The joyful presence immediately turns into shock and misery when the doctor announces that you have a growing tumor in your brain. You celebrated your birthday in despair, but you at least laughed and felt happy, even if just for a minute, and you thanked your boyfriend for that.

Jungkook really took a lot of care of you. There are many times you've seen him cry, and you can't help but cry too. You softly called his name when you heard his low sniffles, eye bags under his eyes. You bit your lip as you stared at him—looking so tired.

"Hmm, yes love?" He looked up, and caressed your left cheek, saying, "Take care of yourself. I don't want to see you like this." You still have a chance, at least to survive.

The operation went well, and Jungkook's good luck kisses worked. You're still confined to the hospital, and Jungkook never missed any visits—your family and friends as well. Your doctor congratulates you for doing well.

Several weeks have passed; you’re now free to leave. Jungkook became more cautious, constantly clinging to you and treating you as if you were a baby—his baby. You’re not complaining though, but you also want to serve Jungkook, wanting to do the things he did to you when you were sick. Jungkook’s birthday is about to come, and you already have an idea for it.

One day before the event:

You recorded yourself giving a sweet message for him, playing you and his favorite music in the background. You also arranged your shared apartment, decorating it with his favorite designs. There’s something missing and you can’t grasp it. You think for a while and raise your finger. Cake is his favorite food! You laughed like crazy. How can you forget it?

You’re about to go home when a lady calls you, "Miss, would you like to buy this?" You looked at the item in her hands and were amazed at how beautiful it was. You nodded and turned to get your wallet when you heard people screaming. You froze, as did the lady in front of you, and turned around to see the bus on the loose, plowing through everyone in its path. You’re about to run, yet it is too late. It crashed towards you and her. It felt like it slammed into you—and it did. Darkness suddenly consumes you.

・・・

Jungkook kept playing the recorder like a broken record, desperately wanting to hear your voice. When he heard the news, he felt like someone unalive him. It crashed him into pieces when he came across your corpse in the hospital. He's blaming himself as if it’s his fault, begging every saint to give him a chance, a chance to be with you.

He almost lost you before and now he absolutely did. You left him.

・・・

"Mr. Jeon, your medicine" The nurse’s loud voice interrupted his conversation with you. He smiled at the nurse and looked at his side—you vanished, leaving him once again, alone.