#imagine me working on my masters dissertation

[formula-red]

pato o'ward as emojis, a study by formula-red:

inspired by this mv33 post

bonus dorito pato:

[srbachchan]

DAY 5916

Jalsa, Mumbai Apr 29, 2024 Mon 10:13 PM

🪔.. April 29 .. birthday greetings to Ef Pawan Kumar .. and Ef Raj (The Noble Master) .. ❤️🙏🏻🚩

🪔 .. April 30 .. birthday greetings to Ef Shatha Jarrar .. 🙏🏻🚩❤️

💐 .. Wedding anniversary greetings to Ef Madhvi .. for April 30 .. 🙏🏻🚩❤️

What to see and what to 'see' ... a difference ..

You may go to a known place to see , but do you actually 'see' ..

Often you go to see the place to be able to say you saw the place .. but never did understand the 'see'

Poets, scientists, philosophers when they 'see' , the brightening in their eyes conveys the 'see' .. that 'see' is never found in the eyes of the others that went to see ..

What could possibly be the inspiration for them that went to see .. they visit, move about its circumference or its periphery and come away ..

There is an 'art' to be able to enjoy 'art' .. 'The art of appreciation' .. something that is achieved through education and research ..

When the one that truly understand art stands before it, that is when 'वो अपने को मुक्त रूप से उघारती है' .. it frees us of our self ..

( or if there are other Hindi knowledged to explain that sentence ) ..

It will be wrong to say that art is available to all in similar vein ..' केवल अधिकारी उसको देखता पाता उसका रस लेता' one that is entitled to authority can enjoy its true elixir .. 'उसका रस लेता है' ..

And no .. this is not the mind of your Blogomaesrta .. it be his Babuji's .. from his Diary of the years he spent in Cambridge for his PhD ..

'प्रवास की डायरी' .. a diary written on a journey away from home ..

The prolific standard and mind and nature of Babuji is beyond understanding and acclaim ..

2 years to finish with honour and recognition a PhD in English Literature on a dissertation that read 'WB Yeats and Occultism' .. Yeats the famous Irish poet .. and while there in Cambridge wrote about 200 poems in Hindi and a Diary every day .. now in print along with his other encyclopedic work called 'Pravas ki Diary' ..

The expressions and thoughts on art be a small mention on one of the pages of the Diary, when he talks of the visit of some of his friends from India on a visit to England who wished to see Cambridge .. and their reactions on the time when he took them to see some of the renowned Universities of the land .. they saw, to be able to say they saw Cambridge .. but never understood the depth of the visits to these prolific educational institutions , nor bothered to stand on its grounds to breathe the air of the enlightened minds that erupted from there ...

Each page of his works, his writing his paragraphs his elaborate philosophical poetic vision, are not seeking reward or award .. they elucidate that which you and me and many others like me may never have thought or desired ..

Reward and Award .. !!!???

AAHHH .. someday they shall be written about here, on my impressions ..

BUT NO !

perhaps never .. it would be too autobiographical ..

Self aggrandizement be something that I run away from ..

why ?

When there are such prolific stratospheric human minds to fill the pages with the letter 'I' .. who am i .. it be a deliberate low case 'i' and not a typo ..

I have no 'i' ..

My love

Amitabh Bachchan

.. the mind that researched and designed the prolific structures, above, albeit in imagination, were beyond the thinking and power of the minute human figure that is seen in the drawing ..

ab

[lil-melody-moon]

Okay, I think there has to be at least one post that sums up this year for me *hits my fist against an open palm of a hand* LET'S START THE COMPLAINING OF A POLE

Trigger warning: swearing, suicide mention, death mention, mental health being shattered to pieces

First of all, fuck this year.

I started it with a major breakdown at January/February. Start of it was at one night when I felt lonely. Decided to lay down in bed and listen to "Quadrophenia". I think this was the day that kinda created a bond with this album. The story of it was always speaking to me, not once nor twice did I think about running away from the life I have and start anew in a place where nobody knows me. Same goes with the feeling of being left out while trying to fit in to be betrayed by what I believed in in the end.

The album played until midnight and I came to conclusion that everything's useless and when I hit 31/32 and still be lonely, this is where I should draw a line. First suicide thought of that cursed year. Dad had timing, he came to my room at that exact moment i thought of it, telling me that he's worried because there's no sound coming from my room and it's late. Kinda saving me there while I was crying.

Then came the walk I took with parents, seeing all the couples so happy at early spring. The walk back took an hour, I was crying in public for an hour because of how left out I felt.

Skip ahead a few weeks later, Anja deletes her blog and a few weeks later I get a mail from her friend that she died in her sleep. That started everything.

I kept myself busy with university, even if the semester fucking sucked. I also dived right into obsessive reading, just to keep my thoughts busy and to not let the grief take over me, but skipping ahead to August that helped only so far.

I have to admit, if not "His Sweet Candy" I would go fucking crazy during summer. I had nothing to do besides writing the story and just sitting and doing nothing was out of the question. My thoughts would simply wander to the empty space Anja left and I would cry each day - even tv shows didn't bring me any happiness, I was literally hanging on the last thread of the single thing that kept me happy.

Sure, I kicked myself even more reading Keith's biography, but that book kept me busy as well, but I also look found on the days when I read it.

Come September and another mental breakdown (second and third suicide thought) that carried itself until December - arguments with parents one of which caused me to cry for two days, feeling useless and empty, crying at university, feeling left out by my classmates, PMS kicking me each month, you name it.

And then comes December that makes me so stressed because suddenly every fucking professor wants essays while I have dissertation on my head? Like, excuse fucking you - one of the professors wants a useless 5 pages essay and she wants full reference list on it on 9th of January. You think I started it? HAH, NO! This bitch can go fuck herself. I won't spend my free days on her stupid assignment because she's afraid of the board coming and checking our assignments. OH ALSO, there's one professor that we have an exam with (economy, haha) and she only did two lectures :) I also have the upcoming semester with the worst professors imaginable (and fucking German language because I need to know the words in library profession in German for some reason? Literally, fuck that).

I will fucking kill myself if I have to do Master's Degree. I do not want it, I want to go to a fucking job and forget all about this - and I KNOW that it's possible to work in a library with just a bachelor.

So among all this, here are the only positive things:

writing "His Sweet Candy"

becoming besties with Laura, Sarah, Savannah, Julie

another Julie (bestie) finally visiting me

watching Star Wars

The Who (Keith Moon)

his biography

job practices

writing a lot of fics for Laura and getting a lot of them

seeing Sarah getting better and slowly healing

discovering The Beach Boys, The Jam and The Clash

In big conclusion, fuck this year. I want to move on and hopefully have a better next year.

[theoldoor]

its ok fenrir is back now

rawdogged ts no color filter, 1 layer, no sketch, no reference, color pick by eyes and 45 minutes

IT WAS A RLLY FUN CHALLENGE EHUEHUEHU

OK BUT WITH EVERY DOODLE FROM THEOLDOOR COMES A STORY SO LETS GOGOOGOGOOOO

This is Post-Talia, when Aventurine still get his ass dragged back to the IPC (i need to think of a coherent lore for them im cooked but funny scenarios is funny scenarios… if u recognize my work u’d probably saw a Fenrir version :333

BUT HEREEE ——

Fenrir is studying for his PhD in the University of Veritas Prime, yk writing his dissertation. This research question is about the Avgin Sigonian language as a thank you gift for Aventurine. (imagine caring for bro so much you dedicate your dissertation to bro)

And he literally just finished his masters and everything in a year, barely after getting out of Talia so it was very stressful for Fenrir and everyone could see it, especially Aventurine as he is the subject of Fenrir’s research. He didn’t take care of himself well and so Aventurine, taking time when they have their little session to remind Fenrir about his health and routine, just a small reminder. :3

Fenrir would forget most of them, which lead to Aventurine dragging his ass to bed or to dinner. But he has to have a catch for Fenrir to go, right? So he only spoke in Avgin Sigonian during those sessions. Fenrir gets to study the language while he rest as well.

And yeah, he turned off his synesthesia beacon so that he would know the language by heart - not by some translation. He wanted to be fluent in Avgin Sigonian for Aventurine. (FUCKKK OOFFFF)

—-

He was invited by the Riddlers not so soon after, and they did wanted to mess up the remaining traces of Avgin Sigonian. Seeing this, Fenrir joined the path of Enigmata, despite being with Erudition, just for the initial sake he could prevent the Riddlers from touching Avgin Sigonian. However, upon joining the Riddlers, he realized there was so much more he could discover - thus using the Riddlers’ Project as his own research. Playing both sides, Enigmata AND Erudition for the fun of it.

“Sometimes I’m scared you forget that I care for you because I never say it. I might bicker and pester, which lead to me forgetting to remind you that I do think about you. You know I do, right?”

However, despite the Riddlers pestering, Fenrir refuse to let them touch Avgin Sigonian. Which the Riddlers understood - to a degree.

—-

Dr. Ratio wasn’t happy with Fenrir’s constant teasing of being with the Riddlers - thus often scolding him. Well, since when does Dr Ratio not scold him? As Veritas’ only student that went to all of his classes and endured all of the harsh words, Fenrir had grown used to the man bluntness. He knew Dr Ratio doesn’t mean it that harshly, his way of teaching is not the gentlest but his intentions are.

—-

Fenrir;s little ritual before every exam. He drags Aventurine along like its his goodluck charm lol

[steelycunt]

hi ridi! I hope you've been having a fantastic time in Dublin and that the rest of the year treats you lovingly. <3

i want to tell u officially how much I adore your writing! the way you string bundles of words into something so so so precious, and the way they flow so seamlessly into something that just clicks right in my brain-- I am actually so jealous of your writing! they are just sooooo lovely to be read... <3 anyway I've been curious about your writing journey! i am assuming you are younger than me since you are doing your last year of your degree (gooooood luck for your dissertation! I'm doing my master degree diss atm so watching ur journey has been such a dear companion to me) but your brilliant writing is just so inspiring to me... if you have the time would you be able to share a few tips on writing? xx

ahh hi this is so lovely of you thank you!! youre too sweet and it always makes me beyond happy to hear people enjoy my writing : ^ )) as for tips i do feel a bit unqualified to give out advice on writing as someone who only does this for fun + hasnt received any teaching/criticisms from actual writers + also has no intention of writing creatively in any capacity beyond this but there are a few things i find help me to write stuff that i myself enjoy...firstly i can link an ask i answered a while ago about writing dialogue or at least how i approach writing dialogue and also an ask about my personal writing style and whats important to me when im writing and this one about editing/writing a second draft..and this one about general writing tips which i answered a few years ago...in general though now i think the most important things to my writing are as follows : ^ )

really generic but so real just reading is the biggest thing for developing writing to me second only maybe to the act of writing itself and even then id say its pretty close...other people and especially published authors will word things and use phrases and employ descriptions in ways i would never ever have thought of and reading other peoples writing can introduce you to ways and styles of using language which wouldnt have occured to you otherwise!! its wonderful!! and reading something you really love can just remind you of what you can do with writing and i find that really helpful even just as motivation : ^ )

this is a personal style choice i suppose but i hateeee white room syndrome i HATE to read something where the settings and physical details arent fleshed out...or conversely i loveee that element of writing so its a really important bit for me!! fleshing out the environment like what does the room look like can you hear the bin men on the street outside are there magnets on the fridge is there washing up in the sink what mug are they drinking from do they own a novelty t shirt from a holiday two years ago. there is so much fun but also so much character building and atmosphere creation and period setting 2 be had in little details like that!! idk i just love to read it so i think everyone should do it and its just so much FUN like yes design their old-fashioned galley kitchen and fill it full of clutter!! so much more immersive than a scene which ends up taking place in a blank white room in my head because the setting is underdescribed.

in terms of editing my method is really laborious and probably inefficient but i do it for creative writing + uni essays and i cant imagine doing it any other way now..when i finish a draft i open a blank doc and put them beside each other and rewrite the scene in the blank doc...a lot of sentences youll write out exactly as they are but i find it comes much easier to make changes and think of ways to restructure sentences when youre typing them out from scratch rather than staring at an already written passage trying to improve it. its painful but it works!!

avoid moral purification and tumblr discourse speak and therapy speak at all costs!! moral purification and tumblr discourse speak and therapy speak are the Writing killers i instantly have to stop reading things when every character talks like theyre completely up to date on the latest online discourse and unproblematic and have all been through years of therapy. ESPECIALLY in a piece meant to be set in like. the 1970s. its so boring when people cant let characters behave poorly without finding some way to absolve them of responsibility or have them be able to perfectly explain exactly which childhood traumas have driven certain responses or behaviours. they are going to have to be bad people who can have the right values but might express them in a way different to what the piccrew tumblr pfp on your dash is saying in 2024. it also just means they all sound the same the characters have no individual voices or outlooks its just really boring!! i dont know if its a product of people being scared of receiving flak for writing anything else but consider this me giving everyone writing this sort of stuff flak right now. booo. boring.

chronic overuser of similes and metaphors here but nearly everything is like something else even only in a vague wayand for me and what i enjoy the more unlikely the comparison the better. and for the stuff that isnt like something else well thats the crux of it also...links back 2 the point about details a bit but using all the senses and the physiology of the human body (it does soo many things and experiences so many sensations and feelings in so many different places in so many different situations there is so much to be mined!!) and literally anything at all especially in a big moment or when ur trying to describe big emotions some writers are talented enough to tackle them head on but i personally am often not and so i find it easiest to concentrate on the smallest details of big emotions...almost like a cheat but i like how it works!!

this is all really generic stuff and things i have probably said before but hopefully something here is of use and if i think of anything else ill add to it!! but i think just writing badly and reading good stuff does make you get better at it there arent any rules except perhaps not using phrases or metaphors which are commonly used...yah!! thats the gist of it i think!! : ^ )

[a-araiguma-a]

Hyperfixation on short stories and struggle with reality

To read or study?

Hyperfixation on reading fanfics or Chinese novels is like getting stuck in a single moment in time, but each time finding something new and exciting in it. I remember when I was writing my bachelor's thesis, my day was literally scheduled down to the minute, but I still always tried to find time for reading. I finished work at 10 or 11 p.m., went to bed with my phone in my hands and couldn't get away until 2 or 3 a.m. I fell asleep with my phone and woke up at 6 a.m. to continue reading until 9 a.m. before starting the day again.

Yes, I kept reading throughout the day, but paradoxically, it didn't stop me from being a good student. I didn't have to postpone my thesis until the last moment, but the anxiety of being immersed in worlds that have nothing to do with reality did not disappear anyway. My head was filled with dreams, not important things, and it sometimes felt wrong.

Now I'm in my master's program, trying to study responsibly, but deep down I know that when it's time for serious work, I might again escape into these sweet fantasies, doing anything but writing my dissertation. But you know what? Despite that, I'm still a top student. It's a kind of magic—the ability to balance reality and imagination, even if it sometimes leads to sleepless nights and feelings of guilt.

Please, don't do as I do, but maybe there's something beautiful in this? We don't live just to work, but also to dream.

[lonelycowgirls]

Is your yachtie Harry fic coming soon??

Soooo, I'm still balls deep in my masters dissertation *sigh* but here's a lil sneaky peak!

Staying Afloat

aka Yachtie!Harry

I sighed and looked out of the window. I tried to imagine who I would be working with and hoped that they were ready to put in some hard work, because I wanted to make good money this season. I heard the low timbre of male voices approaching again and turned to see the two of them coming down the winding stairs, still chatting and catching up.

"Ah, there she is! Harry, this is Scarlett- oh sorry, I mean Lettie. Our chief stewardess for the season." I smiled at the men and stepped to extend my hand for the long-haired one to shake.

"Great to meet you, Scarlett. I'm the chief officer." He said, smiling around a deep British accent. As he took my palm in his, I noticed how rough his hands were, the classic sign of a deckie.

"You too, Harry. You're quite young for a chief officer, eh?" He shrugged and smirked.

"Maybe I'm not as young as you think."

"Harry's been my first mate for three years now, we were on another boat though. I trust you guys will work well together to figure out everything on Andiamo." I nodded dutifully and hoped that Harry wouldn't be what I suspected he'd be from first impressions. But I suppose time would tell.

We walked further into the interior and on down to the crew mess. The captain led the way through to explain where the crew quarters were. I was surprised by how big the space for the crew was, my previous boat had had tiny living quarters - we were practically living on top of each other for twelve weeks. Most of us didn't mind that though...

"So, Lettie you'll have two stews under you, a girl and a guy, if I remember correctly." I nodded. "And you've actually got the same under you, H."

"Nothing new there then," Harry smirked at the captain, who rolled his eyes playfully.

"I don't wanna know, man." Captain Bobby put his hands up in surrender and wandered back through the narrow hallway to the mess. Harry glanced back at me and I raised my brows with a slight smirk before moving past him to check where the uniforms had been stored.

Just as I started sifting through the laundry room and placing uniforms into piles for everyone, I heard the captain yelling again above. The crew mess was normally very soundproof, due to all the debauchery that usually took place there - he was really that loud. I guessed that more crew were arriving.

"Hey, Harry what size t-shirt are you?" I called out to him.

"Depends, is it Fruit of the Loom?"

"Um, no. They're unbranded." I looked at the label on the neck of the bright coral-coloured shirt in my hand. I walked out to the mess to see him sprawled out on the bench seat of the crew mess, munching on an apple. He'd put his shoulder-length hair into a bun that didn't look much different to my own. "They're soft though. This one's a large? What do you think?" He jumped up from where he sat in the mess and bared his chest, holding the apple in his teeth. I scoffed a laugh and held up the shirt to his chest, he nodded with a smirk, his dimples poking through each side of the apple.

"This'll do, Scar." He took the shirt from me and put it over his shoulder as he took another bite of his apple, moving past me to go into his room.

~~~

I know this really isn't much, but it's all I can give away right now.

Open to thoughts and feedback, as always!

Nel xo

[philaet0s]

Ask game! 🥑What are you currently working on?

Hi!

I have a bunch of WIPs at the moment because I don’t know how to limit myself to one anymore -because my projects are not as massive as they were in the past in terms of expected length- but there are two specific fics I’m working on more than one the others;

The first one is me imagining moments in Natasha and Malcolm’s relationship because I’m so obsessed with the idea of it, the books make it sound like they were SO in love,,,

For now I’m writing the early stages of their relationship, meeting, getting to know each other, that kind of stages, but I have a lot more ideas for later moments (because there’s something in canon that has always intrigued me that I want to explore).

The second one is set in the summer before Carry On. Simon didn’t go back to care (because it makes no sense that he went in canon, he turned 18 before the summer holidays, how could he go back to care?) and to have a link with the World of Mages still, something he didn’t have the previous summers, he texts a number he had written down on one of his notebooks. Turns out it’s Baz.

I’ve really missed writing texting fics… I love texting fics… They’re so much fun… And I love the idea of Baz and Simon getting to know each other in a context that allows them to step out of their “Chosen One” and “Pitch heir” roles. They’re not at school, and no one is watching their text messages. They’re freer to communicate

It’s mostly just fluffy scenes of them getting to know each other (for now,,,) but then, because I can’t help myself,,,,,,,,,, “It wouldn’t have taken six weeks with me helping” is all I’m going to say ;)

Honourable mention to my little baby, that I’m not writing at the moment because it’s Intimidating (it’s one of those massive projects I mentioned earlier) but that I love love love; one of my WIPs is a Normal AU, fem!Snowbaz AU set in the 80s/90s in which they’re childhood friends. David raises Simon, and Natasha is alive for a bit longer than in canon. I write them growing up together, growing apart too, and what I’m especially excited about writing is queer characters in that context of the 80s/90s because (this is getting unnecessarily personal) I’m writing my master’s dissertation on AIDS in gay art and literature, and I’ve been fascinated by the AIDS crisis and the way queer people suffered from it for years, so I’ve been wanting to find a way to write about that.

[1loer]

I've been going through really bad cycles of feeling intensely embarrassed about my writing. More specifically, that people are reading it, when the full honest truth of it is that theres a lot that I've written that I'm not completely happy with anymore. As it is, when you're new to something. The unfortunate reality is that as you grow as an artist you look back on things you've done before and can suddenly see everything wrong with it that you couldn't see before. When that also includes the knowledge that thousands of people have /also/ seen that thing...It's a very consuming level of shame for me. It feels very vulnerable, in a way I really, really didn't consider when I started sharing my writing.

I sat down today to write out a huge critique of everything I'd ever written, as if putting it public could absolve me of some of this shame, because I'm just proving to people who don't like my writing "Look I know!". I don't think anyone is a bigger critic of an artist's work than the artist themselves. I diguised the reason for it as a sort of excercise to improve my writing in the future, if I could just point out everything wrong with it, I wouldn't do it in the future! But really, it was an exercise in people pleasing and self-hatred.

Or, well. It was supposed to be. Thing is, by the time I got to the end of it, and wrote out not just everything bad about my writing, but the things I liked too, the thing that I was left with was...It was fun.

Ok, do I cringe hard when I read back the first few chapters of my fic to the point I simply dont read them anymore? Yes. Do I regret the way I wrote the opening chapters? Yes. Do I think I did a very bad job at portraying the start of Hinata and Komaeda's relationship, and especially Komaeda's reaction to Hinata being Reserve Course? Oh 100%. If I were to re-write it, these are the biggest things I would change, even if the outcome would basically be the same. I would've put a lot more emphasis on the fact that really Komaeda's anger was borne from jealousy at how Hinata is able to act normally despite not being talented, which is what I intended. But in that initial interaction, it really doesn't come off that way, and it bugs me to this day. But the thing is...That chapter, and all the bits that I'm most uncomfortable with, are over 2 years old at this point. I think, really, as it always is, this embarrassment is a good thing. It just means I've grown.

As well as being 2 years old, I wrote it alongside my master's dissertation. Most of my energy towards writing was very firmly elsewhere. Because really, the only reason I was writing it? Because it was fun. And it was fun. I had so much fun writing it, and so much fun sharing it with my best friend. So much fun that I actually ended up finishing it. Which I really didn't believe I would've. Then when I posted it, I had so much fun. Seeing everyone's reactions- I think I was the most excited for chapter updates out of everyone. Even now, a year on, people are making fanart for it??? And discovering it again?? And, somehow, liking it? And it's just baffling to me. To the me now that can see everything wrong with it, it's a bit hard to come to terms with. But...It just makes me so happy. Because really, the most important thing isn't that it was perfect. It isn't what I'd change now. It isn't all the things I did wrong. The most important thing is that...I did it. I actually finished it. I finished it, I wrote every idea I spent so many nights imagining and really, honestly believed would never see the light of day, and it was just so much fun.

By the time I got to the end of this terrible self-critique of my silly fanfiction, I'd actually dispelled so much of the things that were making me so upset, because I realised this simple, honest fact. It was fun. It still is fun. So thats why I keep writing. And I care if it's bad, of course I do!! I want to be good, I want to tell good stories and have an impact and make people feel and make people remember my work- but most of all, it's FUN! And out of everything thats the most important thing. And that's why you keep writing, or drawing, or doing anything at all in this sad, frustrating, unfair life. Because it's fun. And sometimes, amongst everything else, it gets pretty easy to lose sight of that. But I think, from now on, I'm going to try and cling to that in moments where I feel like this again. Okay I do it to be good. But I want to be good because it's fun. That's really all that matters.

[mademoiselle-red]

Ten Books to Know Me

Rules: 10 books for people to get to know you better, or that you just really like.

Thanks to @phantomato for tagging me!

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott This one is a childhood favorite. As a child, I identified the most with Amy March’s desire to live a leisurely life filled with art and material comforts. I ended up more like the intellectual and rebellious Jo (for a while) but could never commit to real rebellion or serious commitment to a career in the humanities, because it doesn’t pay well in this day and age. I decided I’d rather dabble in intellectual and artistic pursuits from a place of material comfort, much like Amy March after her Grand Tour of Europe.  Emma by Jane Austen I read this in middle school and found Emma extremely entertaining. This is a comfort read for me. Claymore (manga) by Norihiro Yagi I love art style of this comic, the way the artist draws bodies, the lesbian undertones, and the incredibly charismatic characters. Northern Lights by Philip Pullman (first book of the His Dark Materials trilogy) At the heart of the novel is a critique of organized religion and dogma as controlling and oppressive forces suppressing knowledge and free will. This book gave me a language, as a high schooler, to understand my own aversion the way institutions like school and religion police and shame teenage girls as we come into knowledge of ourselves as sexual beings. It reframes the loss of innocence as an empowering experience, as being handed the keys to one’s own house.  Other Selves: Philosophers on Friendship (anthology) edited by Michael Pakaluk An anthology of writings by philosophers throughout the ages on the topic of friendship. Montagne’s essay On Friendship is my favorite. I did quite a bit of (obsessive) research on the topic over the course of my undergrad studies and wrote my undergrad dissertation on depictions of romantic friendship in contemporary German literature. Sommerhaus, Spaeter (Summerhouse, Later) by Judith Hermann  An anthology of wistful short stories based on the author’s experience in the milieu of young artists and intelligentsia living untethered, aimless lives, drifting through tentative friendships and romantic connections in and out of Berlin in the two decades after the fall of the Berlin Wall. I found it very relatable to my own experience of Berlin in the early 2010s. I was the same age as the protagonists of those stories, new in the city, half-heartedly pursuing a career in academia, wandering in and out of friend groups and various “scenes”, living with a sense of being constantly in flux.

Poems (an anthology) by Bai Juyi 

9th century (Late Tang Dynasty) Chinese poet. I like his use of simple vernacular language, his storytelling, his ability to romanticize mundane details, his aesthetic descriptions of food, the seasons, and leisurely activities, his endearing and idiosyncratic love poems to various friends and lovers.   Imagined Communities by Benedict Anderson A work of political theory exploring the concept of nationalism and the historical and cultural factors that contribute to the emergence of national identities. This book had a profound impact on my worldview. 

The Satanic Verses by Salman Rushdie

A magical realist novel in which reality is literally shaped by competing narratives, leading to struggles between rival storytellers to tell the most compelling story so that their version of reality becomes “real”. This idea has influenced the way I approach writing fan fiction as telling a story to bring my interpretation of “canon” into reality (and sometimes launching a little rebellion against the Word-of-God in the process). On a related note: I wrote a master’s thesis about the depiction of imagined communities in this novel and other contemporary British and German fiction. What can I say? I tend to write long papers analyzing my favorite books, as those of you who follow me because of The Charioteer would know 😅

The Charioteer by Mary Renault Currently obsessed with it. Takes place in Britain during World War Two. The two protagonists are complex and fascinating. I find their love story deeply romantic and moving. The depiction of the small queer community is quite entertaining and endearing. The novels explores a lot of the philosophical questions that I’d obsessed over in uni so I had lots of fun revisiting those topics and reflecting on how my interpretations and views have and haven’t changed.

[insectsys]

Get to know 9 people ask game

Tagged by: @teddytoroa (Thank you!)

Last song listened to: Hot Faced - Margaux (Now I'm thinking about it... Eli if you're reading this, this is sort of a Sybelle song)

Currently watching: Killing Eve (I've seen all the other shows with toxic gays so it's time to complete the lineup. Liking it so far but I don't watch TV very often so it's taking me a long time)

Currently reading: Rhythm of War by Brandon Sanderson. Fourth in a series with some outstanding worldbuilding. I'm also reading a bunch of essays on different iterations of the Faust myth and portrayals of the Devil in Victorian literature for my Masters dissertation.

Sweet/spicy/savory: Teddy wrote "why are we pitting three bad bitches against each other though theyre girlfriends and kissing" and he was so right for that. But gun to my head I'd have to say savoury

Current obsession: The Vampire Chronicles. I literally think about these insane little bisexuals constantly. Also I'm going through a bit of a Christian theology hyperfixation and I'm also thinking constantly about my party of OCs in my girlfriend's homebrew Dungeonworld game and the insane story we've got going on. It's the best campaign I've ever been in hands down and my sweet son Lariat is probably my favourite OC I've ever made

Relationship status: In a happy open relationship with my partner of 7 years!

Last thing I googled: Priscilla (2023). I saw a clip from it floating around and wanted to find out when it was in my local cinema. It looks very triggering/intense but I'm glad it's coming out especially with the overwhelmingly positive response to that romanticised Elvis biopic last year

Currently working on: The Master's dissertation I mentioned earlier. The title is Faust in the Victorian Imagination. I'm also working on several PhD applications!

Gonna tag: @autisticstannis @complicitsacrilege @eeriedeer @ldpdlesbian anyone else who sees this and thinks 'hey I wanna do that!' just pretend I tagged u. Also no pressure to the people I did tag!

[stylinsoncity]

Hi!:) I hope you don't mind me asking.

What is the book in caya that Harry's reading for entertaining? It's in 16th chapter "The cover features two scantily dressed individuals embracing one another."

Also I was wondering about subject of Harry's thesis. Louis told about his dissertation, but what about Harry? Don't think there was something about it

It’s not a real book, unfortunately. Just a generic erotic romance novel lol… like if you look up erotic romance novel, you’ll see a lot of covers just like the one described.

Also I don’t know what Harry’s thesis is about lol.. I imagine the structure of his was similar to mine in grad school. when I was pursuing my master in creative writing, I had to submit a 10-page critical portion and the first 100 pages of a manuscript. For the creative portion, Harry is working on a short story collection and he does mention in chp 20 that he submitted one of those stories and it was vaguely about Louis. But that’s as far as I’ve gone in terms of thinking about Harry’s thesis.

[danielforshort]

Back at work now that the holiday season is over. I'm returning to my fall semester project. A small part of me (the scared part of me) wanted to give up on this project forever. This is the one that I spent an entire semester on and "failed" at. But the brave part of me was eager to try again.

I'm starting out by reviewing the last things I did for the project. I'm also focusing on a better organization system for my progress, notes, timeline, and scripting drafts. I was so overwhelmed by the project and my disorganization fed into that. I read some papers about neuroimaging and data organization ("Best practices in data analysis and sharing in neuroimaging using MRI" was a great read). I also set up a OneDrive folder with some sub-folders and documents to track my goals and daily progress. I think that will really help me stay on track.

I'm also reminding myself how cool I find the topic (functional connectivity in the putamen with an autistic population). I love the putamen. I love the basal ganglia (BG) as a whole actually; I have a very rudimentary slidedeck titled "My Love Letter to the Basal Ganglia" and I did my master's project on the caudate nucleus and the nucleus accumbens! I think one of the reasons I love it so much is because I see so much of my own neurodivergent behaviors in the dysfunction of the basal ganglia. Also, I think repetitive motor behaviors (stimming) are a huge under-researched portion of autistic research, and god, can you imagine what we might learn if we focused on the existence of RMB as healthy behaviors and how gender identity and sex assigned at birth might affect RMB and how that might be seen in the BG?

Any time I start to write, think, or talk about why I love the BG I get excited about this project! And sometimes the big gloomy cloud of imposter syndrome and fear of failure cover up my excitement, especially when I am struggling so much.

I spent a couple hours today fussing with my MatLab script. I didn't make any "aha it works!" progress, but I did get familiar with the error messages and the set up I wrote in the fall. I think that is good and important to do!

I'm so used to being competent or skilled, that the unfamiliar sensation of being unskilled and not having a great foundation to start and very little structure direction of how to progress, make it hard to work on this project. I'm going to hold tight to my excitement and also learn how to loosen my grip on the fear of failing.

Alongside getting back to this project, our big lab project is also starting to pick up a bit more momentum, At first we had heard some rough dates to start data collection September and now we're hearing it could be as late as February. It's a bit frustrating but I'm so grateful to the experience of seeing a giant project in its infancy. The slow starts, little hiccups, big issues that need quick responses, are an experience that I wasn't expecting, but I sense will be valuable to have as I work my way through academia.

In the back of my mind I've begun to worry a little about my comprehensive exams, my dissertation, what job I even want after I graduate, and my long-term goals of moving to Europe. I shouldn't borrow this anxiety from the future though, so I'll try to let this settle for a while.

I hope that there are other PhD students who I can connect with on Tumblr, or that my thoughts and experiences bring some sort of comfort to other students. I want to let people know that I am a queer, disabled, Autistic, person of color, succeeding in a PhD program. There are many barriers to grad school and holding any marginalized identity compounds those barriers. But that shouldn't stop us from our goals. I am going to thrive and kick ass in my PhD program.

[willowlillysunnyday]

did you ever have a dream?

I feel like all kids go through the whole ‘what do you wanna be when you grow up?’ mentality. Each month finds new inspiration for a career path; February is a vet, March is a fireman, April is a waitress. The whole capitalist indoctrination of children to aspire to be useful to society is bullshit in itself, but that’s not what I want to talk about today. I was one of those children, switching from job to job as I played with my Barbies and Playmobil. I’m still that child I think, except now it’s Pokémon games and bottles of Bacardi Coconut.

           At eleven, I wanted to be an actor. I had a dream of being up on the stage illuminated by bright lights as I took my final bow and roses fell to my feet. At fifteen, I grew tired of it, the repetition of rehearsal became a chore. ‘What if I was behind the camera?’ sixteen-year-old me thought. I could be filming the actors instead, or I could be directing them. ‘I’m a writer, I like writing,’ eighteen-year-old me tried narrowing down, looking to their five-year portfolio on Archive of Our Own.

           ‘Do I even like writing?’ I asked myself at twenty-one, having just submitted a feature-length screenplay for my dissertation.

           ‘Why am I here?’ I ask myself after a tutorial with an asshole lecturer on my masters’ course.

           Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve always felt like I had to have a dream, a career to aspire to… I wouldn’t want to be one of those slobs who study for years so they don’t have to get a real job. My dad, while I know he’s trying to help, pushes me too much. ‘Are you on LinkedIn? Have you posted? Are you making connections? Why haven’t you been submitting to journals? Look at this guy, he’s a recruiter.’

           I know his fears, he told me. He doesn’t want me to end up like him; stuck in a job he doesn’t even like after failing to push for his own dreams. Things didn’t work out, he got comfortable, and the years went by. I know that pain despite only being twenty-three, I felt it last summer when I was worked to the bone and barely left my bed before 2pm. A friend once told me that she couldn’t imagine herself working full-time, and the thought of it depressed her. It’s the thought of your time being ripped away from you, if only to survive another day on this capitalist earth.

           The only joy in work I once felt was the voluntary editorial work I did for a queer film review. I had a lot of fun but that was back when I was still living with my parents and I didn’t have to work for money. I do regret ghost-quitting, the team were lovely but I did the anxious thing where I was too busy with my masters’ for meetings and I let my work load pile up too high.

           So, what do I want to do? I don’t know. I still enjoy writing, that’s why I make these posts. My best friend actually inspired me to, and while I don’t have the drive to post as often as she does, her aspiration still motivates me. I like writing my silly little introspections. If anything, it’s to get my thoughts of my chest – a journal if you will, for thousands of eyes to see – but I enjoy it. It’s something.

I don’t think I’d like my dad to see this, it’s scary to be vulnerable like that, but maybe one day I’ll tell him about this silly little blog, maybe let him read my old editorial work. I’ve decided that I just want to be happy, and I’ll keep things in my life that make me happy. I’ve seen people lose that happiness chasing dream jobs and… I know that’s not for me. Whatever I decide to do with my life, I just want to be happy.

[laststardust-sayonarajudas]

Hi! Glad to know that this provides more context.

Apparently I just realized that I made a mistake; there are certain classes that the students have to take in order to graduate, but again requirement varies by university. As far as I can remember the doctorate students in my univ are busy doing their researches (and some did TAships because they were somewhat hired for the univs to do so).

PhD students usually pick their topics and work on the research. They take certain courseworks (but trust me it's not as crazy as the master students in my university) and then they will do their research and then apply for graduation as well as thesis defense. Again, university policies varies and I am only familiar with one or two PhD program and it's in Natural Science (because I'm an undergrad in Natural Science who often talks with these PhD students). As for publications I remember the PhD student in my lab told me that that he has to have two publications for graduation, but again requirements may differ from universities. I also know someone from another university who didn't have any publication wrapping up their PhD. In short it varies, but dissertation is a must everywhere.

For the entrance exam to PhD program, I can imagine it varies by the university, but since Subaru's university is equivalent to University of Tokyo I checked that international students also have to take that exam. I don't understand how does this guy have a time after faking his death, obtaining a fake ID and documents needed to apply for graduate school in Japan, manages to study for this entrance exam.

Also Japanese tuition goes into flat rate. Which means in-prefecture, out-of-prefecture, local student, international students all pay the same tuition. I don't know the exact amount that these doctorate students pay but University of Tokyo's tuition is around ¥520,000 yen anually (I didn't include the miscellaneous fee), and I am pretty sure it won't hurt FBI's budget LOL.

Speaking of tutoring I am not sure that Japanese students do private tutoring, but in my university (and some other universities that I know) they have this homework/exam help desk set up for undergraduates to ask questions. This homework/exam help desk is run by undergraduates that are in their 3~4 year, master students, or even doctorate students. Typically some undergraduates struggle with writing a lab report or certain coursework and might be too afraid to ask their profs so this comes in handy. My university also has the tutoring program that sets up a Japanese/ international graduate students to mentor an international undergraduate. They also have the English help desk for Japanese students interested in learning English. But outside school I am not sure since I've never seen someone advertising their services on certain sites to teach undergraduates.

I can imagine if Akai is running the help desk in my university since we rarely get visitor despite the university keeps promoting them on the school mail LOL.

Anyway I hope this helps to provide more materials for headcanon hahah

Btw it's cool that you are doing a PhD! I hope you take care of yourself during the process since it can be very stressful and tiring.

Someone mentioned about Akai Shuichi being a TA/ Akai being someone from engineering degree.

Yes. 100% Akai must've been from the STEM degree but he does not have to be in the engineering degree to pursue a doctoral degree in Japan. You just have to have a relevant master's degree for doctoral degree. (I am sure by orders of magnitude) because in Japan for you to get into doctoral/ masters studies you have to pass the entrance exam. Yes, they make you sit on an exam that is notoriously harder than PhD qualifying exam (an exam grad students need to pass before them becoming officially a PhD candidate) and then decide if you are worthy for their program or not. So he doesn't really have to come from engineering background. I have a friend who got admitted to Earth Science for their graduate school despite doing Physics for their undergrad and only took one or two geology classes. I know someone from a top Japan univ who had an engineering background and did masters in Physics -- that pure physics.

What you need to apply for doctoral program in Japan is a master degree mostly. That's because doctoral students are expected to do research therefore they are not covering courseworks anymore. Unlike US PhD program where you spend initial 1-2 year to complete courseworks needed for qualification exams and then continue the next 3-5 years researching, Japanese program makes you take that master courses, do 1 year master research, defend your thesis then you can apply for a PhD program.

Also for TA job it is not really a requirement since Japanese students pay for their tuition (except some universities -- but most universities require you to pay for that). Fundings can come from your Principal Investigator (PI) aka the faculty member that you are working for who is willing to make sure that you don't fork your own money to pay for your education or university offering a TAship but it is really optional (in my uni I only know one or two doctorate students who choose this TAship and they still have to pay for tuition).

That's why Gosho can easily make him to be a doctorate student. Afaik (again this depends on universities) doctorate students do not really attend taught classes in Japan. He can easily skip those classes.

[oifaaa]

😂😂 I can just imagine Talia being like “oh I don��t want to want to ruin his dream by telling him that’s not how a phd work, I’ll just tell him his teacher died”

Damians so excited he's read all the biology books he could get his hands on his biology teacher has told him his grades are really good so he go's to Talia and is like mother I am ready to take the test for my PhD and Talias fully aware you first need to get a bachelors degree and a masters degree and then study a topic for a dissertation just says with the most neutral expression you can't love I killed your biology teacher now if you excuse me Ive got things I need to do