#im turning reblogs off for the first and only time ever cuz people are posting hasbin hotel guys on it. 🧍‍♂️ have some decorum.

[damazcuz]

"I could fix him" well DON'T, I'm trying to breed a new generation of trembling pursedog freakboys and I need his cringefail loser genes.

[mspeevee]

Would it help more to ask you questions so you can vent, or would you prefer comfort? If so, would you prefer reassurance or advice?

I know it's a lot, and I don't want to condenscend. But I do promise that you aren't doing anything wrong by feeling this way. Take as much time as you need <3

i just wish i felt like i was important to my friends enough that i was worth the time i put into them back

i wasn't gonna vent but then i exploded anyways.

the gist is that multiple times now i've felt like i do all this effort, messaging first, making art (i don't do it expecting anything back), sharing my life with people only to receive like, appreciation but not reciprocation. and then i watch them do all of that for other people and i can't help but feel like it's my fault. like i am just so replaceable.

and then when i am hurting so bad i understand they don't know what to say me, hell they prolly have my vent and complaining tags blocked i'm sure, but i feel left to rot and seethe until i fucking hate them. and then i feel bad about it, cuz i don't want to, but i'm so tired of feeling this way every few months. it makes me wish i were dead because i don't see any point in going on if no one genuinely cares if i'm in pain or not. not even a simple "hey im sorry you're going through this but i care". i get ignored. and i feel like it reflects my worth to them.

and rn i can't blame myself for feeling so angry about it too when i feel like i'm bleeding out with their backs turned to me. and maybe that's dramatic but i'm not exactly rational right now anyways so.

and later on i prolly won't blame them or anything, i know this is all because my mental health is bad and my brain tortures me using them against me, but when it happens so often and i feel like i'm finally getting better only for something random to set me off into wanting to stop existing again i'm like, well what's the fucking point??

would they even cry about me for that long? would me leaving leave any impact longer than a week? a month? would they regret not taking every chance i gave them to engage with me? did i deserve their time at all anyways? am i selfish for interpreting continual silence as dismissal?

this applies to literally everything but i cannot blame myself for not knowing how people think when they don't tell me. i can't know if anyone likes my art if they don't like it or reblog it or tell me. i can't know that you told your friends you really enjoyed a post on my blog if that's the only people you told.

and obviously that extends to me, too, how can they know i'm slowly resenting them if i dont say something? but isn't that so cruel of me to mention? isn't it so mean of me to make them feel bad for doing harmless things that just so happen to be used as ammo against me because of my own problems by my own brain? should i just stop making friends? where do i give up here? where do i work on it?

honestly i'd love advice, idk how to cope like this. everything online just says therapy but that's not an option for me. im trying so hard to practice mindfulness and challenging the thoughts but they seem so right and like there's so much "proof". "oh you did all this for your friend but they never did it back but look now they're doing it with this new friend! and it's not the first time either, how many times will you assume you mean as much to them as they do to you."

i wish i wasnt struggling alone. even tho i know i'd just think they're lying if they ever reached out to me at least i would remember they tried when i started to come out of this ditch. but no one wants to try with me anymore, and it's my fault.

[anyu-blue]

~

I know a big part of it is the sleep deprivation.. again.. but I'm hella depressed.

Like overall I'm.. content? I guess? I have job. = Good. I have place to live. = Good. I have my game(s) I can play anytime I have time/want. = Good. I have appointments to try and get feeling better and keep trying and keep trying when I don't. = Good. I have Kizzy and will probably have him for at least 3 more years, if not longer. = Good. I have contingency plans in place for paying for my surgeries. = Good.

I've got a lot of good right now. And it's not that I'm ungrateful. I am EXTREMELY grateful. Considering my issues I've done extremely well. Even if some of it was on accident.

It's just.. well.. I'm tired, of course. Not sleeping well or much for days on end sucks. Especially because I could have, but people are going to keep living their lives and accidentally waking/keeping me up because they just don't think about my situation 24/7. Or even know it. Or consider it. Because life's too short for that according to, like everyone but me.

I'm sick of course. I've definitely tried the 'I'm doing great/not sick!!' mindset.. and it doesn't work.. cuz stuff HURTS. I don't have the energy to keep pretending either... And I don't think there was really a time I wasn't sick. Not in my whole life.. and It feels impossible to have any hope I'll ever not be physically sick... No matter what or how hard I try. Especially because I'm aging as all people do. Especially being forced to constantly check what I eat because if I don't I can hurt myself/make myself even more sick. Or starve, which hurts me too but is better than the alternatives. Especially being I have to rely on a healthcare system that looks down on what I can afford. Especially because what I can afford is so little. Especially because of our healthcare system being so politically charged people like me with the needs I have (even just replacing bones!!! Hello?! Our STUPID society forgets teeth are BONES and NECESSARY ones at that- but the instant you say teeth people literally don't give two shits, think you're just vain, and 100% brush you off. Even doctors.. and I have cried so hard over this stupid stuff and tried to rally and I'm STILL trying to save my own god damn life. I hate saying that's what I'm doing because I have some of that stupidity in me of thinking vanity... But I'm literally trying to save my forsaken life and be a LOT less miserable, and I feel so hopeless because only the little people who get it actually seem to want to help/be able to push aside that vanity thought and it hurts so badly to ask them to squeeze for me-- thank you if you're reading this and you've reblogged/shared my post. And I cannot thank you enough, and feel I owe you so much if you've donated... Every tiny bit helps. You and I are little people in the sense we don't exactly have $10,000+ to just throw around an have no worries about lol)

I'm.. also lonely? I guess? .. it's probably the best way to describe it. I don't like people all over me. Or really messaging constantly because moods change and People have lives.. but I miss... I want... Stress free interactions. Getting to spend time and go and do things. Not being alone all the time or missing out on everything. Time is meaningless pretty much right now in the sense I've missed all the holidays. 100%. No time spent celebrating or using the time or even seeing people. Im so much a damn adult and yet I still feel like crying whenever my siblings/cousins talk about last halloween because they had so much fun... They spent the day together in matching costumes by themselves at a park. And that's it... I was delirious from sleep deprivation when I saw them for the 5 minutes I did.. and stress because of my ex being the bastard he is to me. And work. So I couldn't join them. And it doesn't bother them in the least. It's such a happy memory for them and I am struggling to let go of the envy. They have so many days they spend together too.. remotely mostly, but they have so much fun. They wake me up alot with their calls.. and get pissed when I'm like hey guys I'm sorry but could you tone it down? I honestly stopped asking lately because they get so pissed and have even been like 'It wasn't me at all!!' even when I can quote what they said back to them and try to find anything and anyone else to blame... My little sister especially is CONSISTENTLY Telling me she has no idea what she even just said so I know it's bullshit it's not her.... And it just hurts. I try so hard. I drug myself to fall asleep almost every single workday now and I hate it. It's not good for you I feel. Says non habit forming but I just. Uck. And I have familiar, soft sound on. And I've shut my cat out. And I've consistently changed my bedding and cleaned and worn masks/covered my eyes, and done everything I can think of to try and make sure I'm going to sleep as long as possible. I don't go to bed and wake up early in the evenings to cook or spend time with them anymore because I'm trying to give myself more sleep. I don't stay up to see my sisters during the day anymore. Because I'm trying to give myself more sleep. I turn everything off (besides what I hope will help with the noise) at noon and try to lay down as soon after noon as I can every day. Anything blue gets covered or turned off. Everything has red light filters too to get rid of the blue.. but I can't seem to get more than a few jagged hours any given day unless it happens to be their early days where they take naps or I end up so exhausted I'm passed out at night when I should be awake so my shifts aren't so hard... So all that adds up to my being alone and lonely as my own damn fault. Because obviously I stopped making the efforts... The thing that hurts most about that is I was the only one making ANY effort at all to include myself in people's lives (still rings true for everyone in my own city at least- family, friends, the works).. and when I HAD to stop and told them why and asked if they'd be willing to meet me sometimes when it was hard for them (even like once a month fully planned out if need be, or spontaneous because I'm NOT picky)... I got yesses. I did. But. Do you think it ever once happened besides the very day we talked about it?

No.

I can and have gone through every single message and note I have (my memory isn't what it was after I got as sick as I did last fall so I try to keep track of everything instead of relying on my memory anymore)... The only person who even slightly tried was only doing so because he wanted every gd opportunity to beg me to sleep with him (pretty much- he wasn't subtle).. and I had to cut him out because he's not a good person in his own right, sadly. Which left me entirely alone in many ways. Which leaves me entirely alone unless I reach out first and sacrifice sleep.

The continuance of this unfortunately has contributed to my depression.. and the fact no one wants to be around cuz I'm a bummer. And the sleep issues have caused irritability I try so hard to control, but at certain stages I just lose my filters and don't want to say stuff or ramble but I also don't want to miss the opportunity with the person (usually one of my sisters) so stuff gets awkward and they don't like being around THAT. And I don't blame them. But I'd do?

Ugh... I know night shift is my fault... And is a major part of the problem... But I work it to avoid People who don't care about me and mine. To keep myself safe. To keep myself from having panic attacks. I'm doing a lot better with them... But I was breaking down so often at or about work it was getting out of hand... With night shift I'm not overwhelmed like that and I don't have to worry do much about my poor mind losing its sharpness as much. I can take my time more or less. And I get paid enough to survive. ....

I'm just depressed and I know it's on me but I wish I had more help than I do..

Wishing is also the problem. Instead of being happy with what I have.

Blargh...

[astrosexologist]

this is an open letter/public apology to whom it may concern, please do not reblog. it is not a callout post and i will not be answering questions about anyone involved. 

---------------------------------------

i don’t know who needs to read this but i hate that sav and noodles’ unresolved problems had to bleed into my real life relationships. it’s like the worst game of telephone in existence. i hate that it has to be this back-and-forth with my PERSONAL IN REAL LIFE FRIENDS to see who is the more problematic or who did worse things or who is worse for associating with the other person or who jacked off to the worse porn. i don’t fucking care about that anymore. they both have problems and are not innocent and i hate that it had to impact my REAL LIFE relationships like this. i hate that chris had to be dragged into this endless shit-flinging war that shouldn’t even concern him in the first place and somehow put against me. everyone is behaving like an elementary schooler about it. 

on the alice situation, because it’s critical for the conflict at hand: for literal years i gave alice the benefit of the doubt on her questionable personality, ESPECIALLY since we met on a facebook group made to poke fun at a pedophile who had beef with me because he failed to groom my ex-partner when they were a minor. from the moment i found out that alice had been grooming chris, it was my mistake to not come forward sooner, because alice and i had too many friends in common at that point and i wasn’t ready to find out how everyone would react, but these last few weeks were the straws that broke the camel’s back. i had to find out that alice had been grooming and masturbating on cam with *****, another fucking 17-year-old, and sending unsolicited dick pics to my sex-repulsed friends. for months i wanted to believe that she was getting better, because she told me she would be better. i had been hesitant for a long time about confronting anyone for their questionable behaviors cuz i have a habit of not facing my problems and bottling up my concerns about people. i blocked alice everywhere and i am ready to move past it. i am ready to stop giving people the benefit of the doubt for so long. if she wants to think i’m stupid for not wanting to associate with someone that gets sexual with my underage friends, so be it.

i also think it’s incredibly disingenuous of noodles to try and hold sav’s past actions against him whenever it is guaranteed to garner them pity points as if they weren’t the number one person insisting on “sav being different now” when the callout came out. you are splitting on me for no reason at all but your hate for sav, noodles. and simultaneously take advantage of chris’ vulnerable state from a misunderstanding BETWEEN US to lie to him about me sending you anon hate (we’ll get to that) and sav being the pervert he was before. 

likewise, i want everyone involved in this to stop believing that sav somehow gets “better treatment” from us because it is not true. sav is not a saint and he still says and does stupid shit and me and jude are always the first ones to criticize his behavior when something gets out of hand. it is sav’s turn to demonstrate that he can learn from his mistakes and i am ready and adamant in cutting him off if things escalate to callout-worthy levels ever again. we are not sav’s babysitters and there are things that we cannot be the judges of because they are unresolved issues he has with noodles. i may be many things, but a couples’ counselor is not one of them.

chris, i apologize for making you believe like anything was your fault. to the moment i am writing this, i do not understand what you think i am blaming you for. i should’ve spoken my mind sooner so you didn’t have to believe that i was ever “okay” with alice’s pedophilia. i unfollowed you because i was upset and simply didn’t want to see you for a while, my intention was not cutting you off for good. if you believe i snapped at you, i recognize that i did and i am sorry. it was too much bottled up anxiety from a long time coming out at once. nothing i have ever done in your presence, from the moment we met, has been done out of a desire to hurt or belittle or patronize you. my kindness is not insincere. my concern for your safety is not insincere, as isn’t tofu’s. you no longer have to turn to self-harm to believe you are cared for. you said that it was not my job to “fix” you and, even though that has never been my intention, you are right. only you can “fix” yourself, but owning up to your repetitive harmful behavior is part of the process.   

noodles, i have never hated you nor have i ever sent you anon hate as you so firmly believe. i have been upset at you for situations sav told us about and i did send you an anon that one time you broke up for an entire hour telling you that trying to garner pity from your followers was an awful look and that you needed serious help. if you choose to process constructive criticism as “hate” that is a problem that you need to work on but i have just about had it with chris being fed lies about me because everyone is too afraid to be held responsible for their actions so they can keep hiding behind a personality disorder or whatever. chris is my personal friend, i didn’t want things to be like this. i didn’t want anyone to “pick sides” because there are no sides to be picked. this is not about who defends who or who is/was shittier or who deserves to be abandoned by their friends. this is a misunderstanding that got out of hand and that i am partly guilty of. no one i have mentioned in this post is my enemy and i want to make that DAMN clear. i will never conspire against you, and if you prefer it, i will not even do as much as look in your direction ever again.

if i end up never making up with chris again because of this, i hope that this is the definitive proof that you, sav and noodles, both needed to realize that there are drastic changes to be made in your behaviors and how your actions have ripple effects on the people you associate with. we said this then when the callout came out, and im saying it now that it is having real tangible effects in my personal life. reflect. reflect on your actions and the way you communicate with other people and change, please.

[bigskydreaming]

Everybody believes and supports survivors until the second a survivor accuses someone they’re close to. Without fail. Every single goddamn time.

That last reblog...fuck. I’m so mad for that OP I’m shaking. There’s nothing new about their post and that’s what hurts the most. That convo they posted was the same song and dance every single survivor who knows one of their abusers or rapists knows by heart and has heard so many times before they can say the words along with the person they try and confide in.

Doesn’t matter how loud someone is in saying all the right things about believing and supporting survivors, how vehement they are about hating rapists and abusers, how much they present themselves as someone SAFE to be around. The second you accuse someone THEY’VE always felt safe and comfortable around, they will always, always, ALWAYS find a way to tell you you’re wrong and don’t know what you’re talking about, you misremembered or read too much into things or got confused or mistook them for someone else or it wasn’t REALLY rape or abuse or a million fucking things that aren’t actually I SUPPORT YOU. I BELIEVE YOU. THE WAY I’VE CLAIMED TO ALL THIS TIME, MAKING YOU THINK YOU COULD ACTUALLY TELL ME THIS.

And then non-survivors all wonder why so few of us disclose, why so few of us come to you, confide in you, do the exact fucking thing we know will always end the exact fucking way BECAUSE THATS THE WAY IT ALWAYS FUCKING GOES, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU SWEAR ‘I’M NOT LIKE THAT.’

And people wonder why I’m so goddamn VITRIOLIC about abuse and rape apologism in fandoms, and so goddamn adamant about not encouraging people to forgive and move on, and so fucking insistent on holding ppl accountable, whether fictional characters or celebrities or random fucking posters, for shit they’ve done even years before, not giving them the benefit of the doubt that they’ve changed and grown and learn from their lesson, like why am I so sure they’re still like that, ‘you don’t know’.

Except yeah. I do. Because its all so fucking predictable. The sheer number of times I’ve heard variations of that same exact combo since the first time I tried to confide in someone growing up about the shit my mom did to me....I honestly can not count. I can name less than five people I’ve confided in over the twenty five years or so since then who ACTUALLY made me feel safe in doing so, who just sat there and shut up and didn’t try to do or say anything other than “I’m sorry you had to live that, I’m sorry that happened to you.” But I couldn’t even BEGIN to tell you the number of times I’ve tried to open up with people about the shit that hurt me, that terrified me, that traumatized me, only to have them turn around and with ‘good intentions’ awkwardly try and mitigate it and dilute it and water it down or reframe it or give her the benefit of the doubt AS THOUGH ITS THEIR PLACE TO DO SO because she’s my mom and you all just can’t fucking HANDLE living in a world where moms do that shit to their kids. But you still expect ME to, without any of that much vaunted ‘belief and support’ you’re always going on and on and ON about, while you keep living in fantasy land where actually, what actually happened was she was just trying her best and it wasn’t her fault and it was all just bad dreams and remembering shit wrong because who really remembers stuff from when they were kids anyway? LOLOLOL. Fun fact. Once you know what a wire hanger feels like after its been heated on a stove, THATS NOT SOMETHING YOU EVER FUCKING FORGET.

And its exhausting. So. FUCKING. Exhausting.

Like the true, honest to god reason I don’t have any fucking chill when it comes to judging people for characters they stan for or the arguments they make in defense of abusive characters or how people will go to fucking hell and back to defend their right to enjoy their precious noncon rape fantasy smut in peace?

I’ll be totally fucking honest with you, on some fucked up level that I acknowledge is unfair but I just honestly don’t give a fuck - its a test. I admit it. It is. Because at this point in my life, this far into it, this many times listening to the same shit play out any and every single time it comes up, I fundamentally do not trust, do not feel safe, or secure, or capable of fully relaxing, around anyone unless and until I’ve seen them willing to sacrifice something. Give up something or someone, a character or celeb or friend or relative who they formerly were close to or took comfort in or spoke highly of, because that character or celeb or whomever did something that was a dealbreaker, hurt someone or said or did something that made them go you know what, enough, that’s too far, no amount of joy or comfort or security I formerly felt because of this character or person can justify this thing they did, I can see that and this is me actually DOING something with that acknowledgment.

It doesn’t have to be for my benefit, doesn’t have to be for a reason I personally agree with, whatever, it just needs to be SOMETHING. Something visible, something real. Not just hating certain characters or celebs or people, but ones who once meant something to you, something that says.....I used to think this person or this character or this celeb was good and I could like them or even love them and be comfortable and safe around them.....but then someone told me otherwise and I BELIEVED THEM. I SUPPORTED THEM. I. PICKED. THEM.

Because without that, it just is what it is. I don’t care if its not rational, or fair, I just don’t. Twenty five years of the same broken record, I’m tired. I’ve heard “I believe, I support” to the accompanying tune of actions that say the exact opposite so many fucking times it does honestly take a shock to the system, the goddamn JOLT of actually SEEING the proof that at least once, you DID believe someone, you DID do something with that belief, for me to actually think oh fuck, they actually mean it this time instead of oh look, a person who gets off to rape fic is reblogging a ‘look how much I support survivors, Im such a good person’ ego-stroke again.

You can say all you want oh its just fiction, it doesn’t mean anything that I stan this abusive character or this celeb I don’t know, if a person in my REAL LIFE came to me and said this other person I know hurt them, I’d believe THEM, that’d be totally different....but its NOT. Its not remotely and I dont know how so many ppl actually buy this shit coming out of their own mouths cuz if it doesnt really matter cuz its a fictional character or a celeb you dont even know and you STILL cant bear to give up whatever enjoyment you get out of them once its pointed out hey that person or character you enjoy is a fucking rapist....then how the FUCK do you delude yourself you’d be able to give up a person you’ve spent any length of time trusting and being comfortable around in your real, personal life, if someone else disclosed to you that they fucking abused or raped them??? YOU WOULDN’T. AND I KNOW YOU WOULDN’T, BECAUSE EVERY SINGLE THING YOU GUYS SAY IN DEFENSE OF THESE CELEBS OR THESE PEOPLE ARE THE EXACT WORDS I’VE HEARD SAID OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

So many of you act like you think there’s this magical fucking SIGN you expect to get from on high, if shit like this ever happened in real life, that would magically distinguish it as an OH SHIT THIS TIME ITS FOR REAL moment, like okay NOW its make it or break it time, NOW it matters. And survivors keep telling you over and over again it ALWAYS matters. EVERY TIME you say this shit it ALWAYS matters, because what you’re always saying is what EVERYONE says.....”if I try hard enough, I can find SOME WAY to excuse this shit, so I don’t have to lose anything here, so I can keep going through life exactly as I have been.”

Somehow, some way, it always plays out the same....the SECOND we do or say something that puts someone on the spot, makes them CHOOSE, who will I believe, who will I support.....they always, always, ALWAYS find a way to support the other person, to make you the easy one to discard and toss away, like you’re the problem, you’re the enemy for making them choose in the first place.

Ugh. Fuck it. Whatever. I’m tired and gotta get back to work anyway. Not to be bitter or resentful, but that’s what happens when you’ve got no family as a support system cuz you ‘alienated’ them all by spending most of your life hating them for making you spend every Tuesday night alone with the woman they’ll still never admit abused you every week like clockwork til you finally fucking put your foot down and fucking revolted when you were ten, lmao.

[arttrampbelle]

Personal post do not reblog

Some rant and thoughts of late. Lgbt issues and feelings. Queer girl problems.

Outer me is tired laying in bed wanting to go back to sleep but can't. Not because of anything but because brain won't turn off.

Inner me is with some wine pissed off at these biphobic and homophobic assholes and just waiting for one to say some shit so i can bash em in the head with said wine bottle.

"I guess today is the day bitches die"

I just really wanna beat some ass right now.

People say "oh you should calm down"

Motherfucker that is the last thing you wanna say to me right as of this moment.

Unless you know what its like to be queer during pride month and absolutely hate how companies treat us during this month let alone how we treat each other. You will never understand.

Being ostracised by people within the lgbt community. People that preach love is love yet care nothing for poc,disabled,bisexual,pansexual,acesexual, demisexual,trans,etc. They only care if your lesbian or gay or a drag queen/king. They care for nothing else.

You either have to be absolutely flaming sparkle dick fabulous no matter what

Or your not enough.

You have to always be talking bout your own dick or vag or nobody takes you seriously.

It hurts.

Because inside i wanna be more open with my sexuality outside my orientation. But these assholes. Wanna always be up in arms whenever i just wanna talk bout the important issues or just talk bout sweet things that girls or guys or people do that make my heart melt. Like damn.

We never talk about the actual connection of sex. Like the cuddles,holding hands while embracing each others nakedness. Not just in body but in soul.

Like nobody ever talks bout that!

All they care bout is doin the do. Thats it.

I love sex. And I'm a very raunchy person with the right people around. But sometimes i just wanna talk bout sweet things too. Like kissing on the back of the hand is so fucking underrated and people don't understand how much i fucking love that gesture. From any gender. Good God that is fucking amazing. It makes me feel wanted. It honestly does.

And if its not the hypersexualization of the queer community.

Its just being able to freely walk and be with your bae. Without judgment. Or questioning. Like people still judge others. Bruh leave them alone they ain't hurting anyone. -_-

These things i wanna discuss because its important to me because it doesn't just affect me but it affects the people I love dearly.

Sadly i don't expect the lgbt community to ever truly be United.

And i don't expect anyone outside that community to understand or help much. Tho some try.

Im not trying to say there aren't people who are good. Or advocate for us and stand by us.

They do. And i thank them for that.

But as someone who has seen this shit for herself for years. And someone who has had biphobic comments and had to deal with people who just don't get it. Even when you have done both the gentle and hard approaches.

It gets worse every time.

But i still keep moving on. And i will never give up what i believe in.

But i can't deny that there are so many problems in our community that people don't wanna admit.

Bruh i have seen so much racism and hate in this damn community it ain't funny.

Not to mention that a lot of lgbt couples are in long distance relationships,are poc. Some are even in interracial relationships.

I mean a bisexual trans black woman(at far as i know i could be wrong because there was a lot of people saying other things but i dunno if its true or not but imma stick with saying her or they for now out of respect)

They was one of the first people who started a revolution for the lgbt community.

And yet. All these groups they was in. Is being attacked by the lgbt community to this day. Ironic aint it?

Queer women of all kinds. Always had the short end in life.

This is a fact backed up by history.

Anyways I'm done venting for now.

I may make more posts later. But i can't stay silent on the matters that i care bout.

I may have my brain not like me at times. But damn it im not gonna let that stop me for standing up for what i believe in.

I don't care if i lose friends.

I don't care if i don't have people. Because i got me. I always had me.

Even when i didn't want to.

I'm not gonna let this bitter fucked up world change who i am. Even tho at times i break.

I'm still discovering things about myself and i feel like i need to Express them.

And I'm not gonna let anything stop me from being the best human i can be at the moment.

Yesterday i cried. But i think i needed to.

I say these things because they matter to me.

And I'm tired of being slient bout these things.

Or brushing them to the side for the sake of others comfortablity.

If me being an furiously passionate bitchy bisexual woman offends you. Good. Stay offended.

Cuz i ain't changing for nobody.

Im gonna try to get some rest.

I might make a livestream or video bout stuff later.

[shadow-science-blog]

Rules

~BASICS~

First and foremost, if you happen any of the soon to be listed rules. Don’t sweat it! Well, don’t treat it lightly either. I don’t insta block anyone that breaks one of my rules, usually I just go into IMs and ask the rule breaker if they could stop doing that so we can both have fun. If you do happen to break my rules multiple times, sorry but I gotta block you.

Please never assume my Kris knows your muse unless it’s a canon muse. Unless we plot it through IMs or an ask meme says that our muses would know each other. If it’s just randomly in a thread we haven’t planned or started with an ask meme, that’s a no go for me.

The only reason this is semi-AU is so I can fill in some blanks just in case it’s never explained in future chapters.

I won’t always answer every ask in my inbox, but I try to answer them as often as I can.

If you RP with “matt-and-exeitor” I will be hesitant to interact with you. OCs are completely welcome here so long as I can get enough info on them off of your blog.

This blog is also crossover friendly with the following fandoms: Mega Man Nintendo in general Non-fandom muses Night in the Woods muses And Undertale (I’m picky though)

~SHIPPING~

This blog is multiship

When it comes to shipping things, just keep the ages close enough to not be weird, no incesty stuff, and never force me into it.

Completely platonic ships are allowed on here though!

~THREADS~

This blog, is highly selective/mutual only. Depending on what’s up, I may RP with some non mutual blogs but for the most part I’ll only do mutuals only.

As of right now I wanna try and write in a semi-game like kind of way. Hopefully I’ll be good at it.

I don’t have the best of grammar when it comes to certain things. Often times I can use certain phrases wrong or even use the wrong way of spelling certain words. My hope though is that whenever I do it I get my point across and maybe even keep the way you pronounce the word the same.

I hold the right to not RP with certain people and have the right to drop threads. If I do have to drop a thread I promise to tell you before I do.

The length of my threads varies depending on what’s up. Usually they’re rather medium sized. Like, two paragraphs. But sometimes I call pull of three, usually those take time to do though.

With that in mind I try to get to as many threads as I possibly can, so if I haven’t replied to a thread in a while and haven’t said anything to you about it, don’t worry, I’m just too nervous about talking to you about it because I’m usually sitting in front of the drafts screen just trying to will my fingers into writing.

~MEMES~

If I ever reblog an ask meme, please, send it/something from it in if you’re gonna reblog the meme. If you don’t want to, which is just fine and understandable, go to the source. If the source is deactivated, then go ahead and reblog from me I’ll understand.

~OOC~

Please, call me Burning!

I am a male mun. If that is a turn off for you, I hope you can work through it and maybe get back to me later on. If not, well bye I guess.

I am also Bisexual. So much like the previous rule hope you work through any ill will towards Bi people and get back to me, if not bye.

Almost, but not always, time I don’t interact with a new mutual is because I’m an anxious nerd. So if you want to interact with me, please approach first. If you’re just as anxious, I’ll wiggle my way into interacting with you.

I have no triggers myself, but if there’s something that you need me to tag so you can blacklist it please let me know.

I want this blog to stay as apolitical as possible. Which means I want politics that aren’t fictional or mentioned in a joking way away from this blog. I have no ill will towards anyone that talks about politics on their blog though, I just don’t wanna post/reblog anything about politics on my blog cuz this is the place I want to escape from reality. Why would I want to bring that stress here?

I’m never, ever, going to reveal my age to anyone online. If we meet in person one day far off in the future, then I’ll tell you if it comes up. But as of right now, I’m not telling anyone. Same thing goes about my true name.

I often shitpost memes. It’s fun and I like it, if that’s not your sort of thing, I often tag them as {Dump Shit} so you can blacklist that tag if you want.

~NSFW~

Blood, gore, and various other things of that nature will be present on this blog as well as sexual content. For rules about that sexual content, check out this link.

You’ve reached the bottom of this rabbit hole! Thanks! Now that you’ve read my rules go ahead and send me a “I’ve come for grace” through my inbox to let me know! I’d appreciate it.

[sinisterhandsoap]

I posted 905 times in 2021

88 posts created (10%)

817 posts reblogged (90%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 9.3 posts.

I added 24 tags in 2021

#tank girl - 3 posts

#dragons - 3 posts

#lesbian - 3 posts

#dragon - 3 posts

#vine - 2 posts

#dyslexic - 2 posts

#born of mud - 2 posts

#infinity train - 2 posts

#angsty - 2 posts

#self love - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 71 characters

#im sorry this just made me think of steven universe to much to not post

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

TURNS OUT MY ABUSIVE BROTHER IS MOVING IN WITH MY FAMILY IN OREGON

WOPPDY FREAKING DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

you would think i’d be happy about the whole occasion considering that every time even his name is mentioned I want to vomit. (tho one wouldn’t assume that because I bring him up often because I tend to hyper-fixate on my trauma). so an extra thousand miles (give or take) between us should be good right??  Contrary to popular belief, I don’t want my dear Oregon cousins who are in the know about what happened, in the presence of a master manipulator desperate to string a story if that means he can leach off their resources for as long as he can. HE ALREADY FUCKING DID THAT WITH MY AUNT WHO LIVES IN LA. MY MOM TOLD HER WHAT HE FUCKING DID, YET SHE TOOK HIS FUCKING SIDE. She even told me that she “completely understands the situation” and “what I need to do now to move forward is forgive him” SCREW YOU TO HELL AND BACK.   

wanna know what the worst part is?? those cousains up in oragon my be the only people who I could talk to who ACTULLY FUCKING GET IT. cuz it turns out, something similar happened in their family accept that time the brother actually went to fucking jail and actually took responsiblity for what he did. but for god knows what reason, they decided to take my brother in. who knows what he’ll tell them. I never really got the chance. 

MY ONE FUCKING CHANCE TO TALK TO SOMEONE WHO GETS IT ... GONE 

FUCK HIM 

FUCK MY CURSED ASSED FAMILY HISTORY 

AND FUCK ME

IM SO FUCKING PISSED AND SAD AND LOST RIGHT NOW I WANT TO STAB SOMEONE ELSE OR MYSELF

and of course theres that thought again “oh SinisterHandsoap, you’re just over reacting to all of this calm the FUCK down and write the essay you’ve been procrastinating on for the past 5 days.” WELL FUCK YOU TOO BRAIN BC MAYBE I AM BUT I’M SURE AS HELL HOLDING BACK THE BEST I CAN FROM MAKING A BUNCH OF DUMB DESIONS RN. 

Lately for me the lines between predator and victim have been getting blurry. it’s all just fucked. My brother is a fucked up person who got fucked up from one thing or another. He just ended up fucking me up too. Now i’m fucked up and I don’t know how the fuck to deal with it. I’m a fucked up person just trying to live my life and I’m so fucking scared I’ll become him without even relizing it. I’ve already hurt a partner in the past on accident (and he was a dick bag). I literally think I couldn’t live with myself if I hurt my current partner, who BTW, is the first partner in my life to actually reciprocate my feelings both romantically and physically. IF I EVER HURT HER, SHOOT ME PLEASE.

anyway here's a new drawing I did of morass (made sure to give him extra ass)

sorry for the rant I just needed to vent. I don't really expect anyone to read this so if you just did, I am terribly sorry and goodbye.

5 notes • Posted 2021-09-28 05:46:40 GMT

#4

To the person I decided I was racing whilist biking to school today, your good son, but I have one thing you don’t: an ignorance to traffic laws.

6 notes • Posted 2021-10-04 16:47:20 GMT

#3

i need a hug 

6 notes • Posted 2021-12-07 19:13:22 GMT

#2

@tyrianblizzard

22 notes • Posted 2021-10-25 04:08:39 GMT

#1

the witches from craig of the creek are lesbian icons

what could one want more in life but to be an edgy dumb teen, working minimum wage, and being gay with your gf

44 notes • Posted 2021-10-14 04:18:14 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[lincolnlooker-blues]

Story Time! By a starstruck Lo/\e

Okay, gather around munchkins cuz ima bout to tell yall about my water incident at the nu'est concert in dallas (i still cry over this TBH) So a little backstory: my parents took me and 2 of my friends to see nu'est when they came to dallas back in 2015?? (Note: this was the first time they have EVER done something like this for me so YOU CAN BET I CRIED MULTIPLE TIMES DURING THAT WHOLE TRIP; i cried 4 times the day OF the concert) so we had vip tickets, which meant we got to get something signed by them and take a picture with them too (i posted the pic a while back, i'll reblog it again if yall want me to, i look so scared tho 😂) OKAY SO this happened after the concert (which was so good and they sounded so good and ARON NOTICED ME WITH MY FANSIGN TWICE BITCH HOW) and a friend that we met there bought us some waters. With no caps for some reason. ....This is an important factor to the story. So my phone case was signed by minhyun, ren, and jr (ren told me he loved me and i was SHELL SHOCKED, and Jonghyun looked so tired DAMN IT) so then it was aron's turn. We said hi to each other and he was signing when i went, oh, i got you something. I put my OPEN water down and grabbed the stuffed dinosaur plushie that has a letter to him on its back (theres a whole other story to that plushie but long story short: my friend and i didnt see the gift bin outside so the security guard told us it was okay to give it to them in person). Now, to people new to me, in case i never made it clear enough: aron is my bias in nu'est. he is my LOVE. He was my ultimate for 2 1/2 YEARS (damn you jeongmin, why did you push him off), especially when we were at this concert. I was completely paralyzed; he was gorgeous (i mean, they ALL were, but my heart exploded when i got to aron) so you CANT BLAME ME for what happened next. (It was also my first concert too S O) He looked up, saw the plushie, said "oh, thank you", and took it from my hand (sadly not in the cliche "we touched hands and there was a spark" way). I dont even remember if i said welcome?? But anyway, he passed my phone case to baekho and i was about to say hi when i was like, oh my water YALL NO ONE WAS READY I reached out to grab it, but instead of GRABBING IT LIKE I WANTED TO, i literally just, bumped it with my palm. And everything happened so fast. It SPILLED IN FRONT OF ARON okay not in front but it was a little to the side, thankfully it was where the tables were connected so the water kinda gathered there I never picked up a water bottle SO FAST IN MY LIFE. My cheeks were on FIRE, and i kept saying, oh my god im so sorry im really sorry. Poor aron, i felt like he felt me cuz he was like, "oh no its okay its okay" the manager that they had was behind and had the "oh god" face. They cleaned it up and i just kept apologizing and honestly, i was CLOSE. TO CRYING. Thankfully only the tablecloth got wet. I walked over to baekho and his smile was so beautiful and pure that i legit forgot any sorrow i had in me. But then when he handed me back my phone and i walked away, i wanted to tear up, but i DIDNT. The end lmao, this still haunts me My friend is like, "he'll always remember you as the girl who spilled water" and I JUST DONT Is this my legacy PS: On the upside, my other friend, who was behind me in the line THANK THE LORD, said that while i was contemplating dying right there, aron looked at the plushie and said "rawr" while moving it on the table before giving it the manager for safe keeping. MY BABE ISNT HE PRECIOUS

[noxiim]

(1/3)Okayyyy so i mightve sent a few asks abt this before but this topic is really now bugging me cuz i have depression and im sensitive to like everything. Im starting to take this "not getting notes on my art" thing really personally and i know it sounds childish (and i laugh at myself for it) but i cant help but get upset when i spend so much time and effort and get like no feedback. And i know people say not to draw what u love and not for attention but honestly i dont even know what

and i dont even know if im drawing what ilike sometimes. Yeah i love bts but i dont know if i like what im drawing or ifim just doing it for notes???? And i have a lot of anxiety too and thats wherei feel like im taking this too personally. Cuz im starting to think that my artdoesnt get notes cuz its straight up not good which leads me to think ishouldnt even try to pursue a career in art anymore. But im not good atanything else so wtf am i gonna do if i dont succeed in art???? Like i said i laugh at myself for thinking like this and iprobably sound like a fuckin child but i cant help it???? Like i think my artis decent???? But maybe its not???? Idk like this was really hitting me todaycuz i feel like im wasting so much time and im probably gonna be one of thosepoor college students cuz i decided to focus on art more rather than taking ajob cuz i thought i could make money off of my art but yknow clearly its notgoing so well and im scared for my future U dont have to give advice to all of that i just needed tolet that all out 

Aw dude don’t worry I get what you mean,I actually experienced something similar when I first started posting my art totumblr, and even recently when I first started posting bts fanart. It’sperfectly normal to want recognition (in this case in the form of notes) forsomething you worked so hard on!! I think one of the major issues with postingto such a big fandom such as bts though is that there’s so many peopleproducing content at any given time, that it’s incredibly easy to get drownedout. Especially since tumblr changed how search and track tagging worked, itmade it that much harder for people to get noticed for their content.

When I first switched to drawing for bts,I found it hard because I also focused a lot on my note count. For someone whowas originally well established in a previous fandom, the move to bts was quitea jarring experience. I had built my following on tf2 art, and used toconsistently get a couple hundred notes, but one of main reasons why I left wasbecause of the dwindling of note counts. When I first left, overwatch had justcome out and a lot of attention shifted towards that game away from tf2, andalthough I still love the game, the dramatic decrease in notes on my art fortf2 really made me sad and I ended up deciding to leave the fandom after 3years of drawing tf2 art. I hopped around a bit, before eventually getting intobts. Even then, my first few pieces (they’re not on my #bts fanart tag so mostpeople wouldn’t have ever seen them) either got no notes at all or only two orthree. It was easier for me to establish myself in a fandom such as tf2 back inthe day since it was such a small, tight knit community with limited contentcreators, but now with bts there are so many more people and it just seemedhopeless for a while and I lost motivation in my art. I stopped wanting todraw, since it felt like nobody cared. Art is the biggest hobby I have, solosing my confidence in my art was crushing.

Now you might be wondering how I got towhere I am today. I’ll be completely honest with you. For me, I highly doubt Iwould be anywhere near where I am if it weren’t for networks. I had neverjoined a network before, but decided to join armiesnet and jimin network one daywhen I saw that applications were open. I got accepted, and I joined theirrespective group chats too. I met lots of great people on those chats, and madea lot of new friends which was nice after having moved fandoms and lost touchwith many previous mutuals. I’m so glad I joined networks, because not only doyou have the chance to make mutuals who will support you and your art, thenetwork blog itself also reblogs all its members’ content which gives youexposure to members of the network through both the network tag and through thedashboard. It’s a perfect way to get started, rather than hoping that somebodywith a decent following will happen to stumble across your work in the tags oneday and reblog it.

That being said, unless you’re like somesort of godly human being I don’t think we can ever get over how note countsfeel as an artist. We need something to gauge people’s response to our art, andthat tends to default to note counts. I can assure you that the feeling of disappointmentwhen your post doesn’t get as many notes as you want/expected it to is a thingpretty much all artists on this site shares. People always say “you should drawfor yourself, not for other people” but that’s the equivalent of like say themona lisa being painted and then left to rot in Da Vinci’s closet or something.The whole point of art is sharing your ideas/love for something through yourdrawings with other people, and so it’s perfectly normal to want therecognition you deserve for working so hard and putting so much love into yourcraft. When it feels like you’re all alone, you have to remember not to giveup. Creating art in such a big fandom can be unforgiving, but just rememberthat your art is never the one at fault. It’s all about finding that littlegolden window of exposure, whether it be through one big blog or a couplesmaller blogs reblogging your work. Those kind few people will be what helpsyou grow, and you have to keep posting for that to happen. If you water a plantbut it doesn’t bloom the next day, abandoning it will get you nowhere. If youjust keep going, keep watering it, results will come. Keep reminding yourselfthat you’re doing well, and you can compare older art to your current art tosee the progress and keep you motivated. Don’t force yourself to draw if youaren’t feeling it – art is something that should make you happy. I used to drawbecause I felt the pressure to put out content, but that just resulted in mefalling into a negative spiral of art block, limited motivation and generalunhappiness with my art as a result. Remember that there’s no such thing as adeadline when it comes to posting art on tumblr – work at whatever pace suitsyou and if anybody tries to rush you, shut them down. You’re the artist, youget to choose what you do with your art, how you do it, and how long you spendon it.

If you truly have your sights set onbecoming an artist full time, then by all means go for it! I can’t give muchadvice in that area since I only plan on keeping art as a hobby, but justremember that art school is always optional. In the end, working as an artistis all about the portfolio, not where you graduated from. It’s more importantto work on your art than it is to get in to an amazing art school. Sure, artschools can be useful, but in the end they are simply tools, sort of like atutorial rather than something that will magically turn you into an amazing artistwith amazing job offers. At the end of the day, it’s all up to yourself to workhard and promote yourself. Since art is all about reaching different audienceswith your work, promoting yourself is essential, even if it’s just casualfanart on tumblr. Feedback can’t come without exposure, and exposure can’t comewithout self-promotion.

Lastly, remind yourself that there’s nosuch thing as ‘bad art’. That might sound like a stupid statement, but inreality art is a constantly changing thing. There is no pinnacle of perfection,no model artwork that represents the most perfect drawing out there. Everyonehas different styles, everyone has different approaches, and most importantly,everyone is still improving. I’m still learning and trying to improve my ownart, and there’s no shame in that. It’s easy to perceive someone else’s art asbetter than yours which would lead to some self-critical thoughts, but you haveto remember that the other artist is probably looking at their own art andpicking it apart, thinking “aw man there are so many mistakes here.” It’s fineto make mistakes, after all, that’s how we learn. Just because we see mistakesin our own art doesn’t mean that everyone else will too – nobody looks at artand their first thought is to list all of the mistakes present. As long as youare aware of what you are less confident in and actively work to improve it,you can quickly surpass even the people you look up to.

So yeah, sorry that this is hella longlol, but in all honestly I can understand what you’re going through. It’seasier said than done, but even though it might feel hard - don’t give up. Youmight feel like you’re not getting anywhere at the moment but I assure you thatif you just keep going, things will only get better. That’s the thing abouttumblr, if you keep posting art your audience can only grow. For now, I would definitelyrecommend joining some networks, and making some friends. It’s not uncommon forpeople to promo their own work in the network chat occasionally, as long as youdon’t spam haha

Anywho, I wish you the best of luck withyour art journey. If you need me you know where to find me 💕💕💕

[blackxhat-archived]

Rules

Note on Triggers:

I am bad at tagging shit.  Things like drugs and alcohol will come up in threads, do not expect them to be tagged.  I also will not tag guns or violence.  Westworld is a violent place, if this bothers you I suggest not following me.

Things I will always tag:

blood (as far as images go)

all nsfw, written will always be under a cut and images will be few and far between

pregnancy (on the incredibly off chance it comes up cuz this boy is never having kids ever)

Nsfw tag is {how do you feel?  a little tight in the pants?: nsfw}, all others will be tagged as 'X tw'

- If you need anything else tagged, let me know.

Basic Info:

18+ only!  I will not write with those who are underage or do not have their age somewhere on their blog.

Independent rp blog

Selective and mutuals only.  As much as I’d like to rp with everyone, I simply cannot.  That being said if you’ve got a Westworld character or verse I’ll most likely follow back!

Due to many instances of personal blogs not knowing or bothering to learn basic rp etiquette, my general rule of thumb is to soft block personal blogs who follow me.  If you have an rp blog as a side blog, please please please shoot me an ask or an IM if yours isn't linked in your description so I don't accidentally do this.

I will not follow if:     - You are a personal blog or one with a lot of        non-fandom content.     - You frequently post about social justice or political topics        unrelated to the fandom.     - You post about fandom drama or vague post.     - You post a lot of nsfw pics, especially if it’s straight up porn.     - You don’t trim threads.     - You do not have a rules and an about page that I can find.          I need to know your guidelines for interaction before being        comfortable following, and I need to know what your muse        is like to even be interested.     - If you don’t have a canon Westworld muse, I need you to have        a verses page.  This gives me an idea if we’d even be able to        interact, as well as giving me a base to use when thinking        about potential plots.    - I will not rp with other Logans.  I’m not sure how that would        even work with him, and this is also for my own sanity.

This is a secondary blog.  I follow from ass–sass–sin, which is my Dragon Age rp blog and my main.

Tracking blackxhat

Expected Etiquette:

Note, I expect ALL of my followers to abide by this section specifically, not just roleplay blogs.  By following me, you agree to follow my rules and breaking any of the ones in this following section WILL result in one warning, and further offenses will end in you being blocked.

Do not godmod.  If it’s something small for sake of plot progression, shoot me a message first, I’ll probably be ok with it.  Just check first.

Do not reblog threads you’re not a part of.

As a general rule of thumb, do not reblog personal posts.  If it’s ok to reblog, it will be tagged “ok to reblog”.

Do not reblog my headcanons.

Do not use my icons.  I make all of my Westworld icons, I also use some from here for non Westworld threads.

All originally posted screenshots are mine, feel free to reblog these.

If you wish to turn an ask into a thread, I ask that you move it to a new thread and tag me in it.  This is for my own sanity and so I am much less likely to miss your reply. (Note, this is not included in the block policy, however not following this may lead to accidentally missed and/or dropped replies.)

I DO NOT DO REBLOG KARMA, AND I DO NOT EXPECT IT.  However I am not a meme blog, so do not treat me like one.  If our only interaction is you reblogging memes from me, I will block you.

While I will only write with mutuals, non mutuals are free to follow, like posts, reblog appropriate posts (see above for what is and isn’t ok), and send asks.

Role Play Info:

IC =/= OOC.  Logan can and will be an outright asshole, it does not mean I agree with him.  I will happily explain why he does what he does, but it doesn’t mean I condone it.

My replies tend to be 1-3 paragraphs, though sometimes I’ll drop a novel on you out of no where.  I do not expect you to match my length, though more than 3 lines for an average reply is much appreciated unless it’s banter.

If you want something tagged, let me know.  Westworld can be very graphic and violent in nature, and I’ll try to tag common triggers, but again if you need something tagged or tagged better just let me know and no worries.

Thread Tracker is my lifeline.  Here’s where to check if I’ve replied or not.  I’m pretty good about adding things to it and checking regularly, please don’t pester me too much (once a week is acceptable).  I can be slow, I’m working, and I have other RP blogs to keep up with.  Please be patient, I tend to reply to a thread once a day at most.

I am slow.  While I'm working on shortening my reply time, it's not uncommon for me to take a month to respond.  If you need quick responses, this is not the blog for you.

Exclusives:

Exclusive with  vocespulchrae’s Juliet (Logan’s sister).

As of now the only other character I’d be open to being exclusives with is Logan’s niece Emily.

Smut and Shipping Rules:

I am 21+ and of legal age.

Logan is single ship.  He will ship romantically only with flame-of-ostwick’s Lasair Trevelyan.  He’s low key with her regardless of verse.

The only smut I’ll be writing that’s not with Lasair is if he’s in Westworld.  Since he doesn’t see hosts as people, even if he’s in a committed relationship with Lasair he sees no reason why fucking a host would be an issue.  

Contact Info:

Ask and IM are open for all, mutuals or not.  If I don't respond quickly to an IM, I'm either at work or asleep.  Asks I may take a day or two at most to reply to if it's ooc.

Discord available for mutuals only.

If I don't follow you and you want to interact, shoot me a message!  As long as you respect my right to decline I have no issue with this!

Mun stuff:

Hi I’m Trip.  I’m 23, located in Florida, a cat mom and I work full time.  I’ve been roleplaying since October 2015 in the Dragon Age fandom with an OC (aka on my main blog I follow from).  I’m always down to chat in IM, or feel free to ask for my discord if we’re mutuals.

[grrlwonder-archive]

RULES. repost, don’t reblog. tag ten. TAGGED. the bae @magicxecustos TAGGING. @perfectforayear, @thirdwcnder, @theredwonder, @yallneedahero, @favdream, @thegreatunxter, @notbctmcn, @twerpzilla, @illuminatedflight, @xmarksthescott, @futuresuper, @canary-noir, @cacciatriice

BASICS.

 FULL  NAME.   stephanie alice bellinger  NICKNAME.   steph, stephie, stephers, eggplant wonder  AGE.   22 (verse dependent)  BIRTHDAY.   august 17  ETHNIC GROUP.   caucasian  NATIONALITY.   american  LANGUAGE / S. english, swahili, basic spanish & french  SEXUAL ORIENTATION.   heterosexual, bicurious  ROMANTIC ORIENTATION.   panromantic  RELATIONSHIP STATUS. single (verse dependent)  CLASS.   lower  HOME TOWN / AREA.   gotham city, new jersey, usa  CURRENT HOME.   an apartment in the city with a rather lousy landlord  PROFESSION.   law school student

PHYSICAL.

 HAIR.   honey blonde with golden reflects, about mid-back in general length  EYES.   generally described as blue, though they tend to look teal in certain lighting. too round to be almond shaped, too wide to be considered round. bright & almost child-like, but they’re often narrowed in suspicion  NOSE.    once it was cute & button-y, now it’s a little too long & wide. it has suffered too many fractures, most visible one the bridge now  FACE.   round with rather chubby cheeks, a pointy chin, wide forehead, & slight widow’s peak  LIPS.   full & a little round. if she’s not wearing only chapstick, she has on a deep, almost burgundy shade of lipstick, or a bright red lipstick. they tend to be chapped from picking & biting at them  COMPLEXION.   fair, but she tends to tan easily during the summer  BLEMISHES.    there are a few scars from missions gone wrong, one faded one from when she had chickenpox and picked at when she was five SCARS.   her entire body is littered with soft, faded scars. from knife to bullet wounds. there’s a particularly nasty knife slash that goes across her chest; it starts on the middle and ends just short of her left nipple.  TATTOOS.   when her daughter turned 1y/o she used a fake a id to get the outline of a star on purple on her right shoulder blade  HEIGHT.   5′5″  WEIGHT. 129 lbs / 58.5 kg  BUILD.   slender, small waist & wide hips, well toned  FEATURES.   tends looks fairly average from an outside perspective, especially because she tends to slouch a little as to not attract too much attention  ALLERGIES.     USUAL HAIR STYLE.   down, doing its thing, or up into ponytail or braids  USUAL FACE LOOK.    serene & approchable  USUAL CLOTHING.    she wears a lot of muted colors & denim. the occasional leather jacket is a must, along w/ her staple military-green jacket

PSYCHOLOGY.

 FEAR / S.   major abandonment issues. failure. the sound of drills. scalpels, needles, & other medical equipment  ASPIRATION / S.  to do & inspire good on others. prove to the world that your background doesn’t define you  POSITIVE TRAITS.   witty, chatty, friendly, approachable, upbeat, resilient, persistent  NEGATIVE TRAITS.   sarcastic, quick-tempered, vengeful, cynical, stubborn  MBTI.   enfp-a the campaigner  ZODIAC.   leo  TEMPEREMENT.   sanguine  SOUL TYPE / S.   hunter, caregiver, helper all at 17  ANIMALS.   eagle  VICE HABIT / S.   social drinker, former smoker  FAITH.   agnostic  GHOSTS?   was one once  AFTERLIFE?   been there, done that  REINCARNATION?   don’t wanna find out yet  ALIENS? one is her best firend  POLITICAL ALIGNMENT.   fairly liberal. anarchic, even  ECONOMIC PREFERENCE. indifferent  SOCIOPOLITICAL POSITION. shrug emoji  EDUCATION LEVEL.   high school diploma, law student

FAMILY.

 FATHER.   arthur brown  MOTHER.   crystal agnes bellinger  SIBLINGS.   none  EXTENDED  FAMILY.   not in too much contact with her aunts & uncles, grandparents are deceased. cassandra cain is considered an surrogate sister  NAME MEANING / S.   stephanie: french origin, crown. alice: english origin, of noble kin  HISTORICAL CONNECTION ?   none

FAVOURITES.

 BOOK.   the adventures of alice in wonderland  MOVIE. none  5 SONGS.   one girl revolution - superchick, don’t hurt yourself - beyoncé, royal jelly - deap vally, cool girl - tove lo, uprising - muse  DEITY.   -  HOLIDAY.   new years  MONTH.   -  SEASON.   fall  PLACE.   the top of wayne tower  WEATHER. as long as it’s not too hot or cold, she’s okay with whatever  SOUND. the laughter of children by the closest playground  SCENT / S.   sweet / candy  TASTE / S.   warm mashed potatoes with gravy   FEEL / S.   silk, cotton, warmth  ANIMAL / S.   cats  NUMBER.   -  COLOUR.   eggplant

EXTRA.

 TALENTS.   playing the piano. great marksman. quick learner  BAD  AT.   handling abandonment & rejection. thinking before talking  TURN  ONS.   suits!! confidence. intellect  TURN  OFFS.   disregards for others. cockiness.  HOBBIES.   doodling. training. reading  TROPES.   action girl. the chick. girly bruiser  AESTHETIC  TAGS.   cityscape, bruises, neon, bats, shadows, denim, leather  GPOY  QUOTES.   “believe you can and you’re already halfway there.” – theodore roosevelt

FC INFO.

 MAIN  FC / S.   gigi hadid  ALT  FC / S.   nicola peltz  OLDER  FC / S.   margot robbie & charlize theron  YOUNGER  FC / S.   -  VOICE  CLAIM / S.   -

MUN QUESTIONS.

 Q1.   if you could write your character your way in their own movie, what would it be called, what style would it be filmed in, and what would it be about?    A1.  action movie all the way. it would feature the batman: eternal story w/ some major changes regarding steph’s involvement; mainly i would mingle in some of preboot history. occasional flashbacks to stephanie’s god awful childhood to provide background on why she’s so angry at arthur. crystal wouldn’t disappear by the end of it.

 Q2.   what would their soundtrack / score sound like?  A2.   a healthy mix of soundtrack music especially composed for the movie & some post-punk, rock, hip hop to add to the atmosphere of gotham

 Q3.   why did you start writing this character?  A3.    i’ve said it many times before, i was always fascinated by the idea of there ever being a girl robin in the comics that i had never heard of. when i learnt she was batgirl, by heart-eyes levels went off the roof. the more i read about steph, further i liked & identified with her. whens entered roleplaying she seemed like a nice fit for me to grasp as i continued to get more involved in comics. i didn’t plan to fall so much in love with her character, but after writing her for 4 yrs, i’ve become practically a one woman stephanie brown defense squad

 Q4.   what first attracted you to this character?  A4.   two words: girl. wonder

 Q5.   describe the biggest thing you dislike about your muse.  A5.   she tends to speak & act without thinking, mostly in the heat of the moment. while sometimes it is blessing, some others she has ended up severely damaging other people & her relationships with them. this has made her be a little more guarded with her feelings, evading to even say the good things.

 Q6.   what do you have in common with your muse?  A6.   i also tend to put my foot in my mouth, though it takes me far more to realize i’ve done it. i try to keep an optimistic look at things too, but inside i’m cynical as they come. i can also be just as hardheaded tbh

 Q7.   how does your muse feel about you?  A7.  i think she likes me--most of the time. when i’m not putting her thru needless pain & suffering just cuz it’s entertaining for me.

 Q8.   what characters does your muse have interesting interactions with?  A8.   goddamn--well, there’s a lot of people i’ve interacted w/ over the years, so it’s hard to pick & choose. there’s definitely a lot of people i loved interacting w/ that now are sadly gone, & there’s nothing i can do about that. but anyways, let’s see if i can do this

there’s cass, who is as close as it gets to having a sibling for steph. they’re always Up to Something; either between them or against each other. when things get low for one, they’re always for each because they know what it’s like to be seen by others (& amongst the bats themselves) as potential trouble. they’re truly the epitome of the term hetero life partners.

then there’s tim. they have had their ups & downs, but they’re finally at a stable place where they can call each other close friends once more. joint patrols are only made awkward by the fact they are naturally awkward people. (also the earth 3 threads are 👌👌 certified gold)

on the other hand we have tim who is both a blessing & the bane of steph’s existence. everything is made 10x worse by the fact that they there’s a major lack of communication & repressed feelings between them. but hey, even if they took one step forward & two steps back, there has been some progress made.

we also have kon who is slowly but surely becoming one of steph’s favorite people. he’s alway down for some shenanigans. he’s for steph to be around, and he’s definitely made up for the time he had her flying unwillingly.

lately addison & steph have had some super interesting interactions. steph sees a lot of herself from back in her spoiler days in the young vigilante, beyond the obvious physical similarities. she wants to help her reach her potential in a more consistent manner than she had herself--now if only addy would let her know wtf is going on, that would help.

this is getting super long so i’m just gonna quickly mention sheri, tim, kuvira, kory & scott (im prolly missing a few people but this is too long already forgive me. basically, if ur tagged in this thing ilu ok 💖) 

 Q9.   what gives you inspiration to write your muse?  A9.  i guess seeing the people above & just people i want to interact w/ really brings out my muse. reading & re-reading comics definitely does help too; i constantly have this nagging feeling to fix where dc fucks steph up tbh

 Q10. how long did this take you to complete?  A10. i dunno--like 2-3 hrs?? i drafted this & came back to it a couple of times lmao

[krying-katia-blog]

Rules

~BASICS~

First and foremost, if you happen any of the soon to be listed rules. Don’t sweat it! Well, don’t treat it lightly either. I don’t insta block anyone that breaks one of my rules, usually I just go into IMs and ask the rule breaker if they could stop doing that so we can both have fun. If you do happen to break my rules multiple times, sorry but I gotta block you.

Please never assume my muse knows yours. Unless we plot it through IMs or an ask meme says that our muses would know each other. If it’s just randomly in a thread we haven’t planned or started with an ask meme, that’s a no go for me.

Due to the nature of Prequel, we don’t have much info on Katia’s backstory, so that’s where this blog will be veryheadcanon based. Just be warned.

I won’t always answer every ask in my inbox, but I try to answer them as often as I can.

If you RP with “matt-and-exeitor” I will be hesitant to interact with you.

OCs are completely welcome here so long as I can get enough info on them off of your blog.

This blog is also crossover friendly with the following fandoms: Sonic Mega Man Nintendo in general Non-fandom muses Night in the Woods muses And Undertale/Deltarune (I’m picky though)

~SHIPPING~

This blog is multiship, so always feel free to ship with me! I love that sort of stuff.

Also there won’t be any cheating unless its fine with the mun RPing my muse’s s/o.

You’re always more than welcome to come into my IMs and talk to me about maybe shipping our muses, I’m always up for more ships.

If you ever want our ship to be in its own special verse for whatever reason, talk to me about it! I’d be happy to do it.

No massive age difference ships. 20 year old with a 22-24 year old is fine. 8 year old with a 22 year old is not. In any way.

No incest ships. Like, even if this is an AU and technically my muse isn’t say, the mother of your fan child. It’s still a no from me.

I also reserve the right to not accept certain ships.

On that note I’ll never break my muse’s sexuality just for a ship.

Platonic and familial ships are just fine! If you want my muse to be your muse’s best friend, let me know! Or if you want my muse to be your muse’s parent/sibling let me know! I’d love to do something like that! The same goes for hate ships!

~THREADS~

This blog, is highly selective/mutual only. Depending on what’s up, I may RP with some non mutual blogs but for the most part I’ll only do mutuals only.

The way I write for my threads is always in third person. And I always start a new paragraph after a line of my muse talking. Just the way I write, even I don’t know why.

I don’t have the best of grammar when it comes to certain things. Often times I can use certain phrases wrong or even use the wrong way of spelling certain words. My hope though is that whenever I do it I get my point across and maybe even keep the way you pronounce the word the same.

I hold the right to not RP with certain people and have the right to drop threads. If I do have to drop a thread I promise to tell you before I do.

The length of my threads varies depending on what’s up. Usually they’re rather medium sized. Like, two paragraphs. But sometimes I call pull of three, usually those take time to do though.

With that in mind I try to get to as many threads as I possibly can, so if I haven’t replied to a thread in a while and haven’t said anything to you about it, don’t worry, I’m just too nervous about talking to you about it because I’m usually sitting in front of the drafts screen just trying to will my fingers into writing.

~MEMES~

If I ever reblog an ask meme, please, send it/something from it in if you’re gonna reblog the meme. If you don’t want to, which is just fine and understandable, go to the source. If the source is deactivated, then go ahead and reblog from me I’ll understand.

~OOC~

Please, call me Burning!

I am a male mun. If that is a turn off for you, I hope you can work through it and maybe get back to me later on. If not, well bye I guess.

I am also Bisexual. So much like the previous rule hope you work through any ill will towards Bi people and get back to me, if not bye.

Almost, but not always, time I don’t interact with a new mutual is because I’m an anxious nerd. So if you want to interact with me, please approach first. If you’re just as anxious, I’ll wiggle my way into interacting with you.

I have no triggers myself, but if there’s something that you need me to tag so you can blacklist it please let me know.

I want this blog to stay as apolitical as possible. Which means I want politics that aren’t fictional or mentioned in a joking way away from this blog. I have no ill will towards anyone that talks about politics on their blog though, I just don’t wanna post/reblog anything about politics on my blog cuz this is the place I want to escape from reality. Why would I want to bring that stress here?

I’m never, ever, going to reveal my age to anyone online. If we meet in person one day far off in the future, then I’ll tell you if it comes up. But as of right now, I’m not telling anyone. Same thing goes about my true name.

I often shitpost memes. It’s fun and I like it, if that’s not your sort of thing, I often tag them as {Dump Shit} so you can blacklist that tag if you want.

~NSFW~

So without going into detail, I just wanna say that smut can happen here. All of my muses are of age. If you want more detail on what can and cannot happen in a smut thread check out this link. Also be aware that drunk Katia get’s incredibly horny so uh, yeah.

Anything overly graphic (smut or intense gore) will go under a read more.

Gore of almost any kind, raunchy jokes/actions, and other things are also welcome here. Depending on how graphic each one of these things are, they’ll either be tagged as “NSFW” or “NSFW-Ish”.

You can ask me any NSFW question OOC through the inbox or IMs, I’m no prude.

You’ve reached the bottom of this rabbit hole! Thanks! Now that you’ve read my rules go ahead and send me a “Want some mead?” through my inbox to let me know! I’d appreciate it.

[eggenterprises-blog]

RULES

~BASICS~

First and foremost, if you happen any of the soon to be listed rules. Don’t sweat it! Well, don’t treat it lightly either. I don’t insta block anyone that breaks one of my rules, usually I just go into IMs and ask the rule breaker if they could stop doing that so we can both have fun. If you do happen to break my rules multiple times, sorry but I gotta block you.

This blog is multimuse, so if you ever send in an ask could you specify which muse you want to answer it? It just makes things easier for me. You’re also always allowed to send an ask meant for everyone.

Please never assume any of my muses knows yours. Unless we plot it through IMs or an ask meme says that our muses would know each other. If it’s just randomly in a thread we haven’t planned or started with an ask meme, that’s a no go for me.

Also, this is an AU blog. Massively AU, so some characters will not know other characters. Keep that in mind depending on who your muse is.

I won’t always answer every ask in my inbox, but I try to answer them as often as I can.

If you RP with “matt-and-exeitor” I will be hesitant to interact with you.

OCs are completely welcome here so long as I can get enough info on them off of your blog.

This blog is also crossover friendly with the following fandoms: Mega Man Nintendo in general Non-fandom muses Night in the Woods muses And Undertale (I’m picky though)

~SHIPPING~

This blog is multiship, which means that let’s say Maw has a ship in my mainverse you are more than welcome to also ship with him in the secondary verse. It’s there for a reason ;)

Also there won’t be any cheating unless its fine with the mun RPing my muse’s s/o.

You’re always more than welcome to come into my IMs and talk to me about maybe shipping our muses, I’m always up for more ships.

If you ever want our ship to be in its own special verse for whatever reason, talk to me about it! I’d be happy to do it.

No massive age difference ships. 20 year old with a 22-24 year old is fine. 8 year old with a 22 year old is not. In any way.

No incest ships. Like, even if this is an AU and technically my muse isn’t say, the father of your fan child. It’s still a no from me.

I also reserve the right to not accept certain ships. Usually due to sexuality.

On that note I’ll never break my muse’s sexuality just for a ship.

Platonic and familial ships are just fine! If you want my muse to be your muse’s best friend, let me know! Or if you want my muse to be your muse’s parent/sibling let me know! I’d love to do something like that! The same goes for hate ships!

~THREADS~

This blog, is highly selective/mutual only. Depending on what’s up, I may RP with some non mutual blogs but for the most part I’ll only do mutuals only.

The way I write for my threads is always in third person. And I always start a new paragraph after a line of my muse talking. Just the way I write, even I don’t know why.

I don’t have the best of grammar when it comes to certain things. Often times I can use certain phrases wrong or even use the wrong way of spelling certain words. My hope though is that whenever I do it I get my point across and maybe even keep the way you pronounce the word the same.

I hold the right to not RP with certain people and have the right to drop threads. If I do have to drop a thread I promise to tell you before I do.

The length of my threads varies depending on what’s up. Usually they’re rather medium sized. Like, two paragraphs. But sometimes I call pull of three, usually those take time to do though.

With that in mind I try to get to as many threads as I possibly can, so if I haven’t replied to a thread in a while and haven’t said anything to you about it, don’t worry, I’m just too nervous about talking to you about it because I’m usually sitting in front of the drafts screen just trying to will my fingers into writing.

~MEMES~

If I ever reblog an ask meme, please, send it/something from it in if you’re gonna reblog the meme. If you don’t want to, which is just fine and understandable, go to the source. If the source is deactivated, then go ahead and reblog from me I’ll understand.

~OOC~

Please, call me Burning!

I am a male mun. If that is a turn off for you, I hope you can work through it and maybe get back to me later on. If not, well bye I guess.

I am also Bisexual. So much like the previous rule hope you work through any ill will towards Bi people and get back to me, if not bye.

Almost, but not always, time I don’t interact with a new mutual is because I’m an anxious nerd. So if you want to interact with me, please approach first. If you’re just as anxious, I’ll wiggle my way into interacting with you.

I have no triggers myself, but if there’s something that you need me to tag so you can blacklist it please let me know.

I want this blog to stay as apolitical as possible. Which means I want politics that aren’t fictional or mentioned in a joking way away from this blog. I have no ill will towards anyone that talks about politics on their blog though, I just don’t wanna post/reblog anything about politics on my blog cuz this is the place I want to escape from reality. Why would I want to bring that stress here?

I’m never, ever, going to reveal my age to anyone online. If we meet in person one day far off in the future, then I’ll tell you if it comes up. But as of right now, I’m not telling anyone. Same thing goes about my true name.

I often shitpost memes. It’s fun and I like it, if that’s not your sort of thing, I often tag them as {Dump Shit} so you can blacklist that tag if you want.

~NSFW~

So without going into detail, I just wanna say that smut can happen here. All of my muses are of age. If you want more detail on what can and cannot happen in a smut thread check out this link.

Anything overly graphic (smut or intense gore) will go under a read more.

Gore of almost any kind, raunchy jokes/actions, and other things are also welcome here. Depending on how graphic each one of these things are, they’ll either be tagged as “NSFW” or “NSFW-Ish”.

You can ask me any NSFW question OOC through the inbox or IMs, I’m no prude.

You’ve reached the bottom of this rabbit hole! Thanks! Now that you’ve read my rules go ahead and send me a “Ready for Enlistment.” through my inbox to let me know! I’d appreciate it.

[blackxhat-blog]

Rules

Note on Triggers:

I am bad at tagging shit.  Things like drugs and alcohol will come up in threads, do not expect them to be tagged.  I also will not tag guns or violence.  Westworld is a violent place, if this bothers you I suggest not following me.

Things I will always tag:

blood (as far as images go)

all nsfw, written will always be under a cut and images will be few and far between

pregnancy (on the incredibly off chance it comes up cuz this boy is never having kids ever)

Nsfw tag is {how do you feel?  a little tight in the pants?: nsfw}, all others will be tagged as ‘X tw’

- If you need anything else tagged, let me know.

Basic Info:

18+ only!  I will not write with those who are underage or do not have their age somewhere on their blog.

Independent rp blog

Selective and mutuals only.  As much as I’d like to rp with everyone, I simply cannot.  That being said if you’ve got a Westworld character or verse I’ll most likely follow back!

Due to many instances of personal blogs not knowing or bothering to learn basic rp etiquette, my general rule of thumb is to soft block personal blogs who follow me.  If you have an rp blog as a side blog, please please please shoot me an ask or an IM if yours isn’t linked in your description so I don’t accidentally do this.

I will not follow if:

    - You are a personal blog or one with a lot of

       non-fandom content.

    - You frequently post about social justice or political topics

       unrelated to the fandom.

    - You post about fandom drama or vague post.

    - You post a lot of nsfw pics, especially if it’s straight up porn.

    - You don’t trim threads.

    - You do not have a rules and an about page that I can find.  

       I need to know your guidelines for interaction before being

       comfortable following, and I need to know what your muse

       is like to even be interested.

    - If you don’t have a canon Westworld muse, I need you to have

       a verses page.  This gives me an idea if we’d even be able to

       interact, as well as giving me a base to use when thinking

       about potential plots.

   - I will not rp with other Logans.  I’m not sure how that would

       even work with him, and this is also for my own sanity.

Tracking blackxhat

Expected Etiquette:

Note, I expect ALL of my followers to abide by this section specifically, not just roleplay blogs.  By following me, you agree to follow my rules and breaking any of the ones in this following section WILL result in one warning, and further offenses will end in you being blocked.

Do not godmod.  If it’s something small for sake of plot progression, shoot me a message first, I’ll probably be ok with it.  Just check first.

Do not reblog threads you’re not a part of.

As a general rule of thumb, do not reblog personal posts.  If it’s ok to reblog, it will be tagged “ok to reblog”.

Do not reblog my headcanons.

Do not use my icons.  I make all of my Westworld icons, I also use some from here for non Westworld threads.

All originally posted screenshots are mine, feel free to reblog these.

If you wish to turn an ask into a thread, I ask that you move it to a new thread and tag me in it.  This is for my own sanity and so I am much less likely to miss your reply. (Note, this is not included in the block policy, however not following this may lead to accidentally missed and/or dropped replies.)

I DO NOT DO REBLOG KARMA, AND I DO NOT EXPECT IT.  However I am not a meme blog, so do not treat me like one.  If our only interaction is you reblogging memes from me, I will block you.

While I will only write with mutuals, non mutuals are free to follow, like posts, reblog appropriate posts (see above for what is and isn’t ok), and send asks.

Role Play Info:

IC =/= OOC.  Logan can and will be an outright asshole, it does not mean I agree with him.  I will happily explain why he does what he does, but it doesn’t mean I condone it.

My replies tend to be 1-3 paragraphs, though sometimes I’ll drop a novel on you out of no where.  I do not expect you to match my length, though more than 3 lines for an average reply is much appreciated unless it’s banter.

If you want something tagged, let me know.  Westworld can be very graphic and violent in nature, and I’ll try to tag common triggers, but again if you need something tagged or tagged better just let me know and no worries.

Thread Tracker is my lifeline.  Here’s where to check if I’ve replied or not.  I’m pretty good about adding things to it and checking regularly, please don’t pester me too much (once a week is acceptable).  I can be slow, I’m working, and I have other RP blogs to keep up with.  Please be patient, I tend to reply to a thread once a day at most.

I am slow.  While I’m working on shortening my reply time, it’s not uncommon for me to take a month to respond.  If you need quick responses, this is not the blog for you.

Exclusives:

Exclusive with  polyphoniie’s Juliet (Logan’s sister).

Exclusive with jamesdelos’s James (Logan’s father).

My main William is monochromehats.  While I will happily write with other Williams, for my Logan’s canon timeline and any references in threads to William, I will be referring to their portrayal.

Smut and Shipping Rules:

I am 21+ and of legal age.

Logan is single ship.  He will ship romantically only with flame-of-ostwick’s Lasair Trevelyan.  He’s with her regardless of verse.

The only smut I’ll be writing that’s not with Lasair is if it’s with someone he knows is a host.  Since he doesn’t see hosts as people, even if he’s in a committed relationship with Lasair he sees no reason why fucking a host would be an issue.  

Contact Info:

Ask and IM are open for all, mutuals or not.  If I don’t respond quickly to an IM, I’m either at work or asleep.  Asks I may take a day or two at most to reply to if it’s ooc.

Discord available for mutuals only.

If I don’t follow you and you want to interact, shoot me a message!  As long as you respect my right to decline I have no issue with this!

Other Blogs:  

ass--sass--sin:  Dragon Age OC Talon

countyjr:  Brisco County Jr from the similarly titled 90′s tv series

quiisquiliae:  Billy Russo from Marvel/Netflix’s Punisher

trips-shitposting:  for when I have a need to make memes

Mun stuff:

Hi I’m Trip.  I’m 23, located in Florida, a cat parent and I work full time.  I’ve been roleplaying since October 2015 in the Dragon Age fandom with an OC.  I’m always down to chat in IM, or feel free to ask for my discord if we’re mutuals.