#im trying to draw something for the new song but im fighting for my life

[love-3-crimes]

i like tumblr a little more than twitter but only because i get to ramble in the tags without it being too annoying

[littyhoney]

Right Person,Wrong Time (part 1)

(Part 1) (part 2) (part 3) (part 4)

BIG SPOILER WARNING TO ACROSS THE SPIDER-VERSE!!

Earth 42 Miles Morales x Reader

Chapter summary: you have always been there for Miles,will your long time crush ever pay attention to you…or not?

Warning: Spoilers for the movie Across the Spider-verse, slight angst

Guys this is my first time writing this be gentle with me <3 enjoy!

“Alright so lets do this one more time, Hey! Im (Y/N) (L/N) and Im one of the well-known spiderman/spiderwoman of Brooklyn,New York.” you swing through the city using your web as some of the civilians took out their phone to take picture or video of you. You land on top of a rooftop before speaking into an invincible camera “But im not the only one,im with my close friend Miles Morales who is also a spiderman of Brooklyn,weird huh?”

comes another person swing by you as he parkour through the rooftop in his black and red spider suit “keep up (n/n)!” Miles laugh as he jumps and swings away. You let out a chuckle as you follow him “Yo Miles wait up!”.

For the last few months after the collider incident with Kingpin,you and miles get closer since both of you share the same responsibility to keep the city safe and life is not easy even after you wear the spider mask. Balancing your life as a student and as a hero is not..easy,at all. At one time you could be in class try to catch up to your academic and the next thing you make up an excuse to go to the rest room to go out and fight crimes, comes back with few bruises and scrathes. But both of you manage to pull through the day,together.

It is Sunday as you and Miles are hanging out in his room listening to music, you are sitting on his bed bopping your head to the song as you scroll through your phone while Miles is sitting at his desk with his sketchbook,drawing. Suddenly the silent breaks as Miles stop his drawing and ask “Hey..(n/n)” he turn his chair towards you.

“Hm? What is it coco head? Something on your mind?” you turn your attention to Miles,notice his sad demenor. You stand up from the bed and walk towards him put your hand on his shoulder.

“Do you..miss the other spiders? Like Peter..Peni and..Gwen” Miles speak,his voice is low as he look up at you. You sigh and nod your head “Yeah I do Miles, but they are in another dimension” you tilt your head slightly “They are out there living their lives,I wonder if Peter B ever have a child ya know” you chuckle,trying to lighten up his mood

Miles chuckle before he look down at his hands on his lap “I just…miss Gwen a lot actually” he sigh as he wipe his face with his palms slightly frustrated “Ya know it is hard I miss her and she is not even from here man”

you lean on the table beside him,hunch down slightly to look him in the eyes,with sympathy “Miles,you know the rules right,they cant be here nor we can be there, we can dissapear and so are they”

“I know that (y/n)…I know,if only I could just met Gwen one time” Miles lean back on his chair looking at the ceiling,in his head he is hopping maybe a portal would just pop out so he could go to Gwens dimension..

You look at your friend sadnes fill your heart to see your best friend seem so down,you know Miles have been missing the spiders ever since the first week they went back to their dimension and for the past time you have try your best to be there for Miles and keep him company listening to whatever problem he is facing. For the years you been friend with Miles you slowly start to develop feelings for the ball of sunshine. His creativity in his talent,he is smart in academics,his warm honey brown eyes that seem to always take your breath away and such a sweet smile..it would be a fool of you to not fall for the boy.

You lick your lips slightly before you stand up and face to the desk,trying to change the subject “what cha drawing Miles?” you pick up his black sketchbook and go through the pages. “Oh just some uh,sketches of..” Miles voice trail off not wanting to finish the sentence.

“Of..?” I trail my question as I keep flicking the pages before stopping on the page he was currently drawing on and look at the figure he drew with such great details, my breath hitch slightly before finish my own sentence “Gwen..” I look at the drawing..a pang of jealousy fill my heart before I shake my head slightly and close the book turn to look at Miles with a small smile “It looks awesome Miles,you really get her smile and suit on point”

Thanks man” Miles smile at you before you could say anything Rio voice muffle through the close door of Miles bedroom “Miles! Dinner is ready! Tell (y/n) she can join for dinner!” Miles turn towards the doors slightly “Okay mom! Be there in a sec!” Miles turn back to you before nudge his head slightly towards the door “You joinning (n/n)?” You shake your head slightly before move to get your jacket and phone “I have to go home Miles,il see you later okay?” Miles stand up from his chair making his way to you before giving you a hug “Thank you for being with me (n/n)”

You smile sadly knowing that Miles need your support more in this tough times of his.. you pat his back before making your way out of his room saying goodbye to mama Rio and walk out the street with both of your hands in your pocket…you cant help but though of how many times Miles have mention Gwen whenever you two are together…how many times he have drawn her in almost all the pages in his sketchbook, heck he didn’t even draw you even though you have been friends for so long..maybe you could try to be better…maybe be like Gwen..?

To be continued...

(AAAA IM SO NERVOUS LEMME KNOW IF YALL STILL WANT CHAPTER 2)

Tags:

@kissmxcheek @otaku-degenarate @matthiashelvarsgf @usernamepasswordsstuff @s41ntf4m3 @bath1lda @jared-oranges @papilioism @pinkprettyroses @marumareloer

[hughiecampbelle]

first and foremost, i wish you a speedy recovery! congrats with 10k <3

preferences: the boys series, any character you want. i usually gravitate towards men and morally questionable characters, but everything is up to you :)

1. physical: im 21, 5'5, slim, no tattoos, black short hair, i have glasses and i usually wear casual dark clothes, like really not flashy at all. really like going around with a backpack full of stuff for every occasion

2. personality: im agender asexual. basically im trying to logically analyze everything around me, so i end up being 'i told you so' person with negative eq. but really, im told im pretty kind to the people around me. i like interacting with my friends but i get tired quickly from it, so i self isolate a lot. i have a negative worldview. i'm prone to anger and control it poorly. i dont have grand goals in life, no ambitious, i dont strive for more because i dont care, im really only attached to life through the people whom i idolize and if anyone opposes me, my ideals and especially people special to me, i defend them relentlessly, im really only stubborn about them. and well, since my main interest is russian politics, i am really passionate towards russian opposition, so the hate towards the government, violence, dictatorship, censorship, apolitical people who dont care etc etc applies.

3. hobbies: consuming/analyzing new information on anything that interests me at the given moment; linguistics, computer games, drawing, writing, cooking, birdwatching, joking.

4. favorites: book – solaris by stanislaw lem; movie – tenet (2020); game – deus ex mankind divided; song – vertigo by edwin rosen. i like sci fi a lot

thanks in advance ☃️

You're the only person in Butcher's life who can tell him "I told you so". Coming from anyone else, it would set him off. He'd come back at them with quips and jokes and even some harsh words, but when you're the one saying it, all he can say is "I know, love". You're the one who keeps him (mostly) level headed

Despite the both of you being stubborn, you agree on a lot of things, especially when it comes to Vought/Homelander. The both of you would do anything to stop them. Anything. Your Russian opposition bleeds into an opposition towards Vought and Supes in general. It might not always be the best thing for everyone, but if it's the right way to take them down, you're willing to do it

Butcher loves that you like analyzing new information. You're the best on the team for catching things no one else did, seeing the smallest obscurities and inconsistencies in Vought's story. You're always finding something they could have missed. Your attention to detail is what's gotten them out of trouble on more than a few occasions

He appreciates your commitment to the people you love. He's been fighting this fight, first for Becca, then Ryan, now you. You're linked together through love and appreciation and understanding that you're committed to one another no matter what. Though he doesn't always feel deserving of it, you make sure he knows you'd never leave him. You'd never turn on him

Butcher was never really good with words, so he's pretty amazed by your writing. When he does try to talk things through, it all comes out wrong. It's jumbled and cynical and taken the wrong way. The fact that you can make your words malleable and work right and also sound pretty blows him away. Even his compliments come out wonky, but you've been together long enough to know what he's trying to say, what means

I hope you like it my love!!!! Xoxoxo💜💜💜💜💜

Want to request a ship?

[worstvideogamesong-poll]

Worst Video Game Song Tournament - Round 2 Match 5

Know What I Mean? - Mario Party 2

VERSUS

The Yoshi Clan - Yoshi's New Island

FIGHT!

I would recommend listening to as much as you can of each song before voting, but how you choose is up to you! Remember to be civil in the tags and replies!

Propaganda under cut:

Know What I Mean?:

"#i'm going with the mario party #it's SO off-tune and off-beat constantly #which i think is intentional but #i hate it"

(in reference to its previous match) "#this literally isn't even a fight. coughing baby vs nuclear bomb level matchup. what the fuck was that mario song. who thought that was a #good idea. i want to have words with them."

"#kwim is overstimulation in its purest form #it's the musical equivalent of getting nonstop discord notifications while looking for something i dropped while someone is talking to me"

"#know what i mean absolutely ROCKS. horrible. rocks so hard. they did the same thing that yoshi clan did. im guffawing"

The Yoshi Clan:

"the ass band will play a song of farts to celebrate your failure"

"#FUCK YOU YOSHI"

"#yoshi sounds like suck"

"#YOOOOOOOOSHI CLAAAAN!!!!!!!! #ok im gonna complete my santa review before getting to my ten page essay on why i love yoshi clan. yea that shit bad #i accidentally started it playing in two tabs at different points of the video which was honestly really fun. i recommend tryin that esp wi #bad songs really adds smthn to the exprience. it was awesoeme #it also just sounds the exact type of awful that that video image implies which is cool. its so perfect. it sounds ass #but. what it can not beat. is my favorite of all time. my darling love. it is time to begin my sermon #ok so yoshi clan is just so beautifully terrible. and truly the whole soundtrack is an orchestra of bad design. and its so fun to look at #that really nice professional looking art for the game and get BLASTED with kazoo #and like. i understand the thought process. kazoo does seem silly goofy yoshi. and it also sounds like a chorus of pain #now this song specifically has some really great awkward pauses. at 0:16 theres like a full 3 seconds of silence. which is SO cool #then the hot cross bun bit that ends at 0:27 gets so sad and deflated at the end of it. like it starts off in time but then clearly the #soloist got kinda embarrassed alone and so rushed and got really quiet. and its just so sad and lonely. its so cool #also some of these pauses have a couple lone far away kazoo squeaks for no reason before the 'melody' comes back in? awesome #but what i really really love about this. what really draws my eye. is the ending. because we go through this entire rigamarole with the #worst secondhand embarrassment of my life. then. 0:43. the kazoos move out. and in. the most genuinely awesome groovy drum beat in the worl #like its SO good. and those last few seconds are like you're in a different world. like you just survived horrors and you are brought to an #angelic chorus. and it lasts what 5 seconds? 5 seconds of beauty after a full 40 seconds of purgatory. in what world do horrors live foreve #while an angel can last for only a flash #its cruelty. its injustice. its completely ingenious. incredible music making. i am in such awe. #anyways thats my manifesto. please feel free to put any of this in the propaganda section op. im passioante"

Feel free to add more propaganda in the tags and replies, or send it to me in the ask box and I'll try to share it as soon as I can!

[prosciuttulipa]

RAAAAAAH i want a match ngl LMAO

Jjk match because Im a fucking simp, and a guy bcs I am in fact a straight woman thanks

I'm a big nerd. Like, a very big nerd. I do math for fun and I am not ashamed at all when I interrupt someone to correct them (I have autism and ADHD, how could you tell?)

I'm relatively closed off, and most of the time, insecure. I'm shy and I barely ever make the first move (unless I've had a couple of drinks or a lot of eyeliner). I think what people most define me as is the "old soul, young body). I'm like the mom of the group, though I am absolutely reckless when there's another mom in the group, since it takes the responsibility away from me.

I hate going out, and it's really hard to get me to go to the beach, for example. I think my best quality personality-wise is that I'm down to earth and realistic about my goals. A problem is probably how much self-doubt I have, since people constantly tell me I am capable of achieving more than I think I can. I don't settle for seconds, but I'm not too excited when I rech first, because there's always a new competition.

Oh yeah, I'm competitive. Very.

I'm a pessimist, though I like to say it's realism, because why be positive, hype myself up, only for it to go wrong and the disappointment hurt me? As I said, emotionally closed off.

My personality is the infamous black cat, and I think (though I'm not sure), that a golden retriever boy is what would fit me best. (even though I simp for other black cat guys)

For hobbies, I'm boring, though I do have many. I play the guitar, do martial arts (krav maga), draw, sing, write absolutely filthy smut, and, most important of all: do math and study. Yeah, my main hobby is studying.

I'm not sure how I show my love? I don't, usually. I can love someone unconditionally and be absolutely lovesick, but only after a very heavy emotional session, may it be a fight or drinks, will I tell soemone how much they mean to me. I spent the last four years with my best friend, and only after a day's worth of drinking and crying did I tell her how much she meant to me.

I'm a bit icky with physical touch, but if I trust them, I'll let them cling to me. Initially push people away and only after knowing them do I let them hug me, kiss me, cuddle me. I am awful when dealing with compliments, and I cannot take a gift. So probably quality time is my love-receiving language when generally speaking. A boyfriend/husband would probably work with physical touch and words of affirmation, though.

I dont think there's any big turn-off or turn-on in relationships? Maybe not giving me enough attention and helping me emotionally, because I'm easily falling into insecurity, feeling like I'm not enough.

I have like medium curly dark hair and dark eyes. Eyebags, and a lot of moles all over my face. My body is relatively fit? I have a bit of fat ngl but I also have muscles. A bit of a tummy and thicc thighs (they do, in fact, save lives) that double the size when I sit (insecurity alert!) I'm pale, though I am a mixed baby. I dress in all-black most of the time, and all the color variations are like red or dark blue. (I AM NOT EMO). I wear eyeliner from the moment I wake to the moment I sleep and I have pierced ears. I also plan on getting nip piercings and plan on getting

I think i need more songs to listen to, so I'm going with the three songs he associates wit me.

Congratulations! You have been matched with...

Choso Kamo

When people see you and Choso together, they immediately assume that you're just another average emo couple, quick to place stereotypes. But under the heavy eyeliner and dark clothes, are two people who are just trying to figure out life in their own way.

Choso is fascinated by your contradictions: insecure yet quick to correct others, pessimistic but burning with a competitive drive for more. Where some people may see indecision, he sees something much more real and human in comparison to the single-minded characters he's met during his time alive. Living is hard, has experienced it for himself, so he doesn't shun you for your contrasting perspectives. Instead, he wants to learn about the world alongside you, unpicking the way you think, wondering about your insecurities. Although he's been through a lot, there's something inherently innocent and simplistic in the way Choso sees the world. If you're an old soul in a young body, then he's a young soul in an old one. Perhaps by meeting somewhere in the middle, the two of you will get closer to unravelling the mystery that is life.

Choso doesn't mind that you don't like going out, but you often find yourself tagging along as he explores the world in small ways. A trip to the convenience store may as well be a museum visit, with the way he asks you about the products, eyeing them with confusion. He also admires the fact that you study math—to dedicate yourself to understanding anything in such depth is no small feat—and he's happy to sit next to you while you work, occasionally asking questions about your interest in the subject. His most common form of affection is just leaning his head against your shoulder, watching silently as you work.

Dates with Choso are pretty laid back, since he's happy to take the lead on whatever makes you comfortable. It doesn't matter to him where you two are. For him, understanding your mind (and falling in love with the way you think, the way you are) is what matters to him the most.

The Matchmaker's Gift:

Contrary to popular belief, Choso's music taste is rather soft. This song reminds him of the inherent dependence that comes with being connected.

Offering you this song with a curious tilt of his head, Choso asks you if this is how your pessimism feels like.

This is the song Choso uses to confess to you. His feelings are one of the few things he has to his name, and he wants to share them with you.

[stormyoceans]

dear monica, how do you fight apathy? i feel like i dont have the strength. that i dont want anything. none of the things that used to entertain me are interesting to me anymore. do you have any advice? what helps you personally overcome this condition?

song of the day: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DF3XjEhJ40Y

hello, dear anon!!!

im sorry for the late reply, but as this is a serious topic, i didn’t want to be superficial with my answer, so it took me a while to write everything down ;;;;;;

im also sorry to hear you’re going through this. it often happens to me as well, and i know it’s hard to go about life feeling like you lack the strength, the motivation, or even just the want to do anything, especially when it’s about those very same things that used to make you happy but now seem not to excite you anymore. i think the first thing that’s important to remember is that these moments happen to everyone from time to time, but if they become more and more frequent and it gets harder and harder to come out of them, then they might be the sign of a bigger issue at hands, so my main suggestion is always going to be to seek support from a professional to make sure you’re taking care of your mental health properly

that being said, here’s some maybe obvious maybe oversimplified advices that personally help me deal with apathy:

identifying what triggered it. it may seem silly, but to me it was a lot of help to realize that a lot of the numbness i tend to feel is due to the dissatisfaction with my job. sometimes it drains so much of my energy and charges me with so much negativity that it ends up affecting how i feel about everything else as well. in my case i can’t go through with the obvious solution (quitting), but it does help me to know there is a cause to it and that i can at least try to change my reaction to that particular trigger.

as corny as it sounds, a little bit is better than nothing at all. what apathy looks like to me is lying in bed staring into the void while around me tasks keep piling up and i start feeling overwhelmed by it all. in my case, ‘tasks’ can even be the new episodes of the shows im currently watching. in this case, breaking down these tasks into smaller ones can definitely help (you don’t have to do all the dishes at once, you can even just do one plate), but a lot of small things to do can still feel like too much at times, so my goal is always to do at least ONE thing: as insignificant as it seems (picking up a sock from the floor), as ‘normal’ as it may seem to everyone else (washing yourself), getting up and doing something small is better than doing nothing.

trying something new. routine is both a dear friend and a tricky enemy. sometimes it can make you feel trapped and detached from the world because nothing seems to ever change, so you gotta take change into your own hands, which of course is easier said than done, and this is where the ‘a little bit is better than nothing at all’ can be applied again: take a different street, order food you’ve never tried, watch a movie from a genre that’s usually not your favorite kind, look up one word in a different language and write it down, pick up a colored pencil and draw flowers all over a white paper. is it a big change? no. is it productive? not really. but it’s still something you’ve never done before.

going full comfort. two of the things i love the most in life are watching shows and eating good food, but sometimes even those can’t bring me any joy. i still do those activities, but everything feels dull and boring, and when that happens, i try to ‘recreate’ what made me fall in love with them in the first place by going back to fond memories, so for me, for examples, it means rewatching vice versa while eating pasta aglio olio e peperoncino and drinking a glass of white wine. i might have experience these things a thousand times in the past, but they’re a reminder that at one point i used to FEEL, and that this state of apathy is not gonna be forever.

finding a community to share the joy with. while i do agree that most of the times you have to push yourself to do it scared and do it alone, and that above all you have to do things for yourself and for the joy of doing those activities in themselves, and not because you have to seek validation from others, humans are social creatures. personally, i have no issue being alone and not talking to anyone even for weeks at a time, however i realized that, for example, one of the main reasons i love tv shows and all kind of media is because i enjoy building a dialogue about them with other people, and when i go a lot of time without doing that, i start to feel like i’ve lost interest in watching anything, but actually im just missing that feeling of connecting with someone. so i feel like it’s important to have a small community, either online or irl, where you can actually share and celebrate and be reminded of what you are passionate about.

…….okay i feel like this all sounds like a terrible self help book ;;;;;;;;; it’s also pretty oversimplified, and none of this would work for me if i didn’t also take meds for my depression, which is why as i said earlier it’s always important to talk to a professional, but i’d say that this is more or a less a guideline of what i personally try to follow when things get tough

not sure if any of this can actually be helpful, but im here if you need someone to share both the sadness and the joy with, and above all i hope you can be kind to yourself and that you’re gonna feel better soon!!!!

[bejaeyoung]

hello everyone!

this is velvet (beyuwol) with a second muse!! sorry for the incredibly late intro i have no excuse (got and started my first 9 to 5 job after i sent my reserve in so that was perfect timing all around!) so i will just continue on with introducing my new guy.

he’s song jaeyoung jay! pls call him jay he’s trying to get rid of his name as a whole LMAO. and because i haven’t finished his pages underneath the cut i’ll have a few tidbits about him plus plot ideas. woo!

what do they always say? right! LIKE THIS POST if you’d like to plot and i’ll cha cha slide right into your ims. i also have discord / twitter upon request so feel free to ask for those too. on with the circus show!

TRIVIA

born to politicians who have gotten used to using what influence they have for their own favours and he grew up in a rather toxic household

his sister is hannaxbe and he’s the only one he loves under that roof, would fight lions for her

grew up to be a reckless and impulsive child. his parents can’t be assed to figure out how to parent so they’d often drop him off at their family friend’s orphanage because they thought he would learn something from being around other children

ended up loving being there more than he does at home. would go along with them to charity performances, would grow up loving to perform for the children, that’s where he fell in love with music as a whole really

parents are still terrible politicians, they’d try to hone his skills so he’d look like the perfect child but he refuses to join any of their corrupt companies and kept up with charity performances (which they let him because it ‘makes the family look good’ but that pisses him off too)

currently a criminal justice major even tho his parents want him to be a politician too

became an underground producer called PROD. J! would have loved collabing with people and even being a ghost writer for anyone tbh. tho the latter he would be picky about

is also a vtuber on youtube! has a separate channel for that. sometimes he uploads song covers too, but it’s mostly a gaming channel. there’s a specific date where he uploads song covers tho

his vtuber vibes would be mostly like watarai hibari or claude clawmark both from njsj if you know them

his brain runs 10 miles per hour and he likes making people laugh even though he looks like an emo boy and refuses to cut his hair

would also draw notes on walls and floors if he’s suddenly hit with inspiration so there’s that too. dwbi

may come off as arrogant at times… he doesn’t mean to be sometimes he just talks

he’s… kinda lonely but never acknowledges that!!!!

wears headphones wherever he goes

PLOT IDEAS

friends he might have made from the orphanage!

in that same vein ^ childhood friends. the only ones who still call him jaeyoung probably lol

gaming friends/streamer friends that he would’ve collabed with as a vtuber

people who might have commissioned his underground producer services, he could ghostwrite too tbh

people who watches his vtubing streams and figured out that the weirdo drawing on walls is the guy behind the model LMAO

highschool friends! would’ve known his identity as underground producer & vtuber from the get go

trainee friends that he can bother and convince to sneak out and let loose and have a bit of fun training isn’t all there is to life!

well he’s kind of annoying so i’m sure there will be people out there who don’t click with his rather eccentric vibe… but might wanna work with him solely for his music capabilities?

someone who thinks he’s wasting his potential by being a… weirdo

someone who might’ve caught him in one of the charity performances and oh! he’s not that bad…? thought he was just like his infamous parents!

someone who knew him from his family name / thru fancy events / nepobaby connections. could be negative or positive!

he can play the guitar & piano/keyboard too for those who wanna have jam sessions!

flings. would be kinda messy only bc jay is a messy bitch

if you have ideas of your own pls hmu bc i love brainstorming too!!

[torao-chan]

watching shidou’s new video for the first time @ w @ here’s some thoughts as I go through the video

-x-x-x-

my dude had kids im dying a lil inside. his whole family is so cuteeeeee

-x-x-x-

I will say, I was v worried that he would refuse to heal if we voted him innocent again, since that wasn’t want he wanted, but this line here makes me feel almost reassured that he’ll keep trying to heal people if we keep voting him innocent.

In that case, give me the chance to make amends. To extract that fang, now.

Fang, in my brain, being an obvious reference to Kotoko.

However, the fact that it’s preceded by this line

Those cards of promise I discarded, they were retribution for my incessant taking.

Makes me still a lil worried. I still think he’ll go off the rails mentally if we give him innocent again, but the fight to vote him innocent is stronger atm in my brain then the worry about what happens if we don’t give him guilty...

-x-x-x-

okay the whole fucking next section was exactly what i was expecting the entire time I’ve been anticipating this song.

So this is unpleasant, so this makes me sick

What do you mean INNOCENT, if this is my punishment

Now I see, this world is cruel and merciless

I want to be INNOCENT, I want to live

He didn’t want innocent, he got innocent. He sees this as cruel and merciless; that was about what I was expecting. And he resents us for it. Not only for not punishing what he thought needed punishing, but for giving him hope when he had run out.

It reminds me, in a way, of the fact that the Hope left in Pandora’s jar can be seen both as a hidden blessing and the worst curse of all. You gave him hope, drive, motivation- a possible good ending.

How dare we.

And then aslkdjlkfdjsg

So this is unpleasant, hurling slurs of “hostage game”, you do know that it’s up to me?

That’s right, there are lives that need safeguarding

So hey, prolong my life, I’m indispensable

He has accurately pinned it as a hostage situation, which is where my brain has been at since the end of round 1. Majority of my brain space has gone to who is going to hurt who, what are the checks and balances we need to have in place to ensure survival of as many players as possible.

And the problem is there is no way to guarantee he’s going to continue healing, if we vote him innocent.

You know that’s up to him, right?

asldkjklsdfjgkldjfsglk I want. to throttle something. This whole thing is so well put together.

The correct answer, I don’t yet know, 

Fear. Indecision. Unknown if he’ll act as we want.

but there are lives that need safeguarding 

Hope that maybe his morals, whatever drove him to becoming a doctor in the first place, will win over.

So hey, prolong my life, I’m indispensable

This line. Makes me... very curious indeed.

Last time, he pleaded us to kill him. Is he hoping we’ll ignore his directions again, or is he saying ‘I don’t care. I know you only see my use, like I saw my victims (?) as their use, so go ahead. Use me. I don’t care’

Bro. I fuckin’ love Shidou for the fuckin’ game he’s playing. And the fact that I have no idea where he will go if we let him continue to run wild.

-x-x-x-

All these are, of course, first thoughts. On first watch through. I may be able to draw more connections later. But my god, did this song deliver exactly what I expected it to and I appreciate that.

[sturnsdc]

MERLE

pair: Carl Grimes x fem!YN Dixon

synopsis: when the group leaves Merle on that roof, Yn must face one of her biggest fears, however, Carl is there to protect her and make her feel special. 

“You are special, Yn. You deserve to feel this way, and as long as we're together i'll try to remind you of that as much as i can”.

warnings: angst, typical TWD scenes, fools in love, violence, mentions of death, fight, comfort, fluff

era: (S1)

words: 5k

A/N: i want this to be a whole series called "feel special" like the song, just give me some time T-T

btw, Yn at one point is mentioned as someone who can draw decently, but don't worry too much about that, it's just for this one shot, that's all!!

and both Yn and Carl are in their 15s

dividers from: @cafekitsune ! ♡

main masterlist carl masterlist

YN POV

being the Dixons' half-sister, i knew i would get looks, maybe even a few bad words. It was daily bread in the past, so logically it would happen again in the middle of an apocalypse.

when we found the people from the camp, i was afraid that they would kick us out for Merle's bad behavior, and i knew that it wouldn't matter much if Daryl and i told him something, Merle Dixon under the influence of some drug would never know where to stop.

luckily, some kids at camp accepted me anyway, as was the case with Sophia and Carl, while the other kids, like their parents, stayed away from us. Sometimes that hurt, but at the end of the day Daryl and Merle always said that most of them probably wouldn't make it very far in this situation, and that i shouldn't worry so much about what they think of me. I would make it, many of them wouldn't. Of course they said it in a much crueler way, but i know what the point of every conversation is.

i must be strong, not weakened by looks or comments.

it's been three months since everything went to shit, i still can't get used to this new life. It scares me to think that i could lose one of my brothers when they go out hunting or looking for something for other people. Carl is the one who has to put up with me, all anxious and walking around the place, trying to occupy myself with something to turn my mind off.

Carl is what i would call a best friend, always walking by my side, even sneaking into my tent when Daryl and Merle are away, so he can comfort me and not let me fall asleep crying and terrified. He tells me bedtime stories, says that's all he remembers from the comics he had at home, or sometimes he even reads me the comics he managed to bring with him in a backpack.

sometimes he asks me if i wanna read one of his comics, but i just tell him that i prefer him to read them to me before going to sleep. The truth is that i don't know how to read, and i'm deeply ashamed of it. My old life at home was too complex, and i tried hundreds of times, Daryl and Merle know this better than anyone, but my patience was never on my side and i always ended up throwing away the books i had stolen to practice. I'm terrified of the possibility of him finding out about that, i don't want him to think badly of me, or my family, i don't want him to look at me like the other kids.

today is another one of those days where i had to stay at camp, i wanted to accompany Daryl hunting, but a few days ago i went with Merle and ended up with a cut on my left hand, so Daryl made me stay this time until he's sure im ready again. Merle, for his part, went on a mission with some members of the group. On one hand i was happy that he wanted to collaborate, that until i saw that one of his bags of drugs was missing and i knew it would cause problems for them.

“come on Y/n! Carl said the last one to arrive would be the one to catch the others” Sophia was pulling my arm, laughing. I laughed too when i saw her trip and almost fall face down on the ground, that's what happened to her because she was looking back instead of worrying about the floor.

“i can be last, you know i'm faster, i'll catch you” i scoffed, receiving a dirty look from her, although she continued laughing until we arrived with Carl, Lori had just finished cutting his hair, so just now we could play.

“it's not fair! she's the fastest of us, Sophie” Carl complained when he saw us arrive, i just looked at the girl with a face that said 'i told you so', to which she just rolled her eyes.

“anyway, she won't be able to catch me, i swear” Sophia said.

“by the way, ya' look adorable with short hair” I said in a lower tone so that the girl wouldn't hear us, i saw his face turn red, but before answering Sophia complained, so Carl decided to just start the game.

i gave them a few seconds to start running. I had acquired my speed after so many years of going hunting with people like my brothers, and after various small thefts. When i felt it was enough i started running after them, Carl first. It took me just a little time when i had already touched his back. Sophia kept running towards the goal, which was a tree we had marked the first time we played, the one furthest from the start. She improved a lot in these months, she had become very fast, but not fast enough, so i managed to catch her quite close to the finish line, making her scream dramatically for having lost.

“i told ya', sweetheart, i'm the fastest of the three of us,” I scoffed, hearing Carl laugh right behind us.

however, the moment was interrupted when we heard the sound of a car not far from the camp. It was very loud, which scared me deeply, i heard Shane and Dale talking/screaming, apparently it was a car that didn't belong to us, but it was coming straight towards us. When it arrived, Glenn got out of it, Amy was the first to approach, repeatedly asking for her sister while Shane yelled at the boy to turn off the loud noise of the car. I looked at Carl who was next to me, he looked just as scared as me, and his mom, Lori, was hugging him tightly.

my mind activated again, 'where's Merle?', 'is he safe?', i felt the air leave my body as i considered the scenarios, i didn't even hear what Glenn said to the blonde. Shortly after, a truck arrived, everyone got out of it, except him, except Merle. I felt Carl looking at me, but i could only focus on the strong beating of my heart, on my blocked ears and my trembling hands.

he has to get off that truck.

he's fine, he always is.

“w-where's Merle?” My voice sounded low and trembling, and i was afraid that they wouldn't hear me but they did. It was then that Andrea answered me from her sister's arms.

“he was being a jerk, he was on drugs and he was a threat to everyone, our new friend took care of the situation, i'm sorry” even though i know she wasn't sorry, she always hated Merle.

"new friend?" I heard Shane ask, but i couldn't concentrate on the rest, because i fell to my knees at the same time Carl escaped from his mother's arms to run into the arms of an unknown man.

i started to cry without being able to stop it, it was the first time i cried in front of someone other than Carl or my family, but there i was, feeling like part of my world was falling apart.

'how would i tell Daryl?', 'he won't want to stay in this place, we'll have to leave'

“it's his sister,” I heard Carl say to the man quietly, but i didn't think anything about it until a body stood in front of me. It was that man.

“hey, uh, i'm Rick Grimes, i'm sorry about what happened to your brother…”

"is he dead?" I interrupted him.

"i... don't know"

"what are ya' talking about? he's dead or not, how do you not know?” then i raised my head to look at him. Carl really looks like his dad, especially in his eyes.

“i left him handcuffed on a roof, we don't know if he's still alive…”

“ya' just handcuffed my brother on a roof and left him there? what the hell!?" i interrupted him again.

“look, i don't know if this helps, but i dropped the key to the handcuffs, and when i realized i had to go, i managed to put a chain on the door, and not many of those cretins go up the stairs, so the door won't break. He should still be alive” T-Dog spoke this time.

i felt too weak to respond to that, so i simply nodded, feeling a pair of arms wrap around me in a hug. It was Carl. i couldn't reciprocate, i just rested my head on his shoulder, feeling how the entire weight of the situation fell on me.

i hid my face in his neck while he caressed my back. I cried as much as my strength allowed, and when he felt i was calming down he helped me get up.

“'s okay Carl, ya' should spend time with yer dad, i'll be in ma' tent” i told him, with my voice completely broken by crying a few minutes ago “thank ya' for staying with me, i'll be fine, come on” I saw the expression on his face. He hesitated, so i grabbed him by the shoulders, forcing him to walk to his father, and before he could turn to see me i had already headed towards my tent, which i only used when the boys were away.

i always had to share a room with them, so it's not strange for me to do it now. When one of them was here with me, i slept in the other's bed, and when they were both here, i slept next to Daryl.

when i was about to enter my tent i looked at the tent across, the boys' tent, and decided it was better to get into that one, lying down on Merle's bed.

i sighed, feeling a pain in my chest that i had never experienced before. Merle was never an exemplary brother, or very present, but i can't forget the last 15 years either. The rare times he was sober, and the three of us would run around the house, trying to find the TV control when Dad was away. Whoever found it would have the TV to himself until our old man arrived.

or the times when the three of us would go to training, and he would make fun of Daryl's strength, telling him that he hit like a girl while i looked at him with offense.

“i mean, he hits like a normal girl, not like you,” he said, laughing as Daryl and i went after him to hit him.

even though he was often an idiot, he's still my brother, and what happened there... feeling like i lost him definitively is what has hurt me the most.

before, when he left us, i knew he was out there, causing problems for others, but alive. Now, that uncertainty… i hate it.

i don't know when it became night, i only realized when Carl entered the tent, with a plate of food and a light in hand.

“hey,” he greeted me, feeling relieved that he didn't have to wake me up.

“hey” I tried to make my voice sound normal, but so many hours of not talking, just crying, made my voice sound broken again, so i grimaced as i sat down.

“you don't have to pretend with me.” He smiled, sitting next to me. He offered me the plate of food. I didn't know i was hungry until my stomach started growling as i took the plate in my hands. My face turned red with embarrassment, but he didn't say anything about it, which i was grateful for.

“i'm sorry for what happened. You know i don't support... that decision” I nodded as i started to eat what he brought me, i know he can see my red, swollen and irritated eyes but i don't want to hide the reality from him. Like i said before, he's like my best friend.

“i'm scared to tell Daryl, i know he'll want to go look f' him, and he won't let me go…” I paused, feeling the lump in my throat again. “I don' wanna lose him too, i couldn't stand tha', Carl. Without them i can't...” Some tears fell again, but he was quick to wipe them away for me.

“i know you're scared, but I also know Daryl wouldn't let that happen. From what you've told me, he always protected you, so he wouldn't let himself be bitten by one of them. He will return here with or without Merle, but alive” He looked me in the eyes as he said it, and the seriousness with which he spoke made me believe him. I decided to nod and change the subject a bit.

“i'm glad yer dad's back, by the way. I'm serious. I know how much ya' suffered all this time. If anyone deserved that reunion it was ya'” I told him, seeing him smile when thinking about his family. “But 's scary that ya' have the same look as him, now i feel like there are two Grimes who will see to the depths of my soul” I scoffed, feeling better hearing his laugh.

“oh shut up.” He looked around, scanning the tent as i hurried to finish my meal. “Don't get me wrong, but i really thought the tent would be more messy.”

i swallowed what was left in my mouth, leaving the plate aside. “Now 's more organized, but we created limits of coexistence when we were younger. Since we used to share a room at home, it became very small, and a little clutter made it look like complete chaos, which made our old man angry. They made him believe that only i ordered, but in reality we all did.”

“why did they make him believe that? “was he one of those men...?” He asked politely, since he knows that the topic of my dad is somewhat complicated.

“yeah, fer him only women should do tha', that's why he let them be a little messier before i was born. Then, when i started walking he already expected me to be his damn nanny” I snorted, remembering his absurd comments to which i couldn't respond.

Carl grimaced when he heard me, he knows how much i hate those kinds of comments, he even once saw me argue with Merle, who was on drugs, because he made a comment like that towards Carol.

“i can't imagine you following rules, you're too rude for that” He joked, making me laugh. 'Of course, he never had to see me like that, he wouldn't believe everything i've had to pretend.'

“'s my dark past, don't tell anyone that i was soft on a man” I winked, watching him shake his head while smiling. “By the way, did ya' bring me any stories today?”

i feel at peace, despite the emptiness i feel in my chest, Carl and his sweet way of being prevent me from sinking into my gray cloud.

“maybe, but first you have to go back to bed, it's time to sleep.” I nodded, returning to my position on the bed as he lay down next to me, as always.

“well, this time i'll have to repeat one of the first i told you, i hope you don't mind…”

then he began to speak, and as always, i began to feel that all the weight was leaving my body, leaving me calm. He waits until i fall asleep, and while he talks he hugs me, then he returns to his tent and the next morning he's the one who comes to wake me up when he feels that i have rested enough.

that's Carl.

new day and the first thing i hear is my tent opening, so i pretend to stay asleep, waiting to hear what else Carl would do.

“i know you're awake. Come on” The boy tells me, making me smile and turn to look at him.

"how did ya' know?"

“your breathing when you sleep is like small sighs, and now everything was silent” He responded simply, without noticing my surprised face.

'that was sweet, and scary, but sweet.'

after a while, everyone except Rick was up. Carl and Sophia wanted to go out and explore a little more, however yesterday's situation had left me a bit exhausted, so i decided to use the morning to help Carol instead of running around with them to investigate.

Carol is a sweet woman, and it bothers me too much the way her husband treats her and Sophia. They don't deserve that, but Carol wouldn't let me do everything i've imagined to avenge them.

“i'm telling you, washing their clothes is complicated, but no one has ever given me as much trouble as Daryl does. How does your brother always stay so dirty?” The older woman asked me, to which i laughed at first, perfectly understanding the sentiment.

“i swear i don't know, Carol, he's worse than a child, he's always been like tha'” We were both laughing, until Rick came out of his tent.

“good morning,” Carol greeted him, to which he responded. When he looked at us i nodded in greeting.

the truth is, i still don't know how to feel about Rick Grimes. I know part of me wants to hate him, blame him for what they did to Merle, scream in his face how inhumane they were to leave him there. But another part of me thinks about Carl, and that makes my heart soften.

“listen…” I heard him say, but just like the previous times, I interrupted him.

“i don't wanna talk about what happened there, Rick, so i'm asking you not to say anything. It's enough with what'll happen when Daryl comes back.” He nodded, so i continued ironing with Carol, who this time started talking to him.

not long after, i saw Rick walk over to where Glenn was, and i know that if i look in Carol's direction, she'll want to talk about what i told the man, so i continued doing my thing, without turning to look at her.

at least that was the case until we heard the first screams, it was Carl and Sophia. I immediately wanted to run to where they were, but Carol stopped me when she noticed the men going, to which i growled, releasing myself from her grasp and hoping to see my friends. When Sophia ran into her mom's arms, i was relieved, but nothing compared to seeing Carl appear, running towards me, almost knocking me to the ground in the process.

i had never hugged him so tightly, and i felt how Lori quickly approached us to hug us both. I felt him cry a little, with his face hidden in my neck.

“what happened, honey?” Lori was trying to know, but she had to give him a few seconds to calm down.

“there was one of them between the trees, he was eating a deer” I heard him say between sighs.

'what did he say? a cretin eating a deer? 'how did they both get here?'

about two minutes later we were still waiting for the others to come back, but now i was close to Sophia, as was Carl.

it was then that we heard several footsteps approaching in the direction of the camp, but i wasn't looking towards that place, i was looking at my friends, fearing that when i stopped doing so they would somehow disappear.

“Merle! Yn!” I heard Daryl's voice call us, and that's when Lori, Carl, Sophia, and Carol's gazes shifted to me. I knew they were looking at me, but i couldn't look at them anymore, my eyes now fixed on my brother had filled with tears, making it impossible for me to see his figure well.

“Dar…” I felt my tears fall, but i knew i couldn't run over and hug him, because things were about to get tense, and very quickly.

Carl's arms hugged me almost like yesterday, but this time i could feel the uncertainty in everyone.

“Daryl, slow down a bit, i've to talk to you” I heard Shane tell him.

I saw him turn around, managing to meet my gaze, but frowning when he noticed my state.

“about wha'?” He kept looking at me, as if waiting for a signal to lose control and demand answers.

“about Merle, there was uh… a problem in Atlanta.” Now he looked at him, and from the change in his posture i know what he's thinking.

"'s dead?"

“we're not sure” That answer bothered me even though i had already heard it yesterday.

“yeah, he is or he ain't!” Now his tone was more annoyed.

“it's not easy to say this, so i'll just say it,” Rick interjected.

"who are you?"

“Rick Grimes”

“Rick Grimes” He scoffed “got somethin' ya wanna tell me?” He approached the man.

“your brother was a danger to us all, so i handcuffed him to a roof, hooked him to a piece of metal. It's still there” He confessed.

i saw him turn around, and i was afraid he would do something, so my body quickly tensed up and Carl noticed it so he looked at me, but i couldn't see him, not now.

“le' me process it, ya' say ya' handcuffed my brother to a roof… and ya' left him there?!” I took a deep breath when he shouted, knowing that things were going just as i expected.

“yeah” This one said it so simply that it didn't help the situation.

soon i saw how Daryl threw the squirrels he had brought in the direction of Rick, and then tried to hit him, and i say try because Shane arrived first, throwing him to the floor, but when he took out a knife and tried to attack Grimes, Shane threw it again, this once choking him with his arm to prevent him from jumping at Rick one more time. It was humiliating, and unfair, so i tried to get out of Carl's grip, but he wouldn't let go.

“Carl…”

“please no, i don't think Shane'll be gentle with you, and i don't want him to hurt you.” I heard him whisper his request, somewhat desperate for me to listen to him. I decided to listen to him this time, but i still continued watching the scene, attentive to every movement.

“chokehold's illegal!” I heard Daryl complain.

“i would like to have a calm discussion on this top” Rick said after getting down to his level on the ground. “Do you think we can manage that?”

“he's not a fucking kid” I complained, making them look at me for a moment, but Carl gently squeezed my waist, trying to get my attention back to him to avoid any more problems. Rick took advantage of this to ask again.

“do you think we can manage that, Daryl?”

“yes,” he said with difficulty, making Shane let go.

“what i did was not on a whim. Your brother doesn't work or play well with the others” I was about to intervene to complain, but T-Dog stepped forward to speak.

“it's not Rick's fault. I had the key and i dropped it.”

“couldn't pick it up?” Daryl asked, clearly incredulous.

“well, i dropped it in a drain.”

my brother stood up as did Rick and Shane, all attentive to any movement he made.

“'s that supposed to make me feel better? well it don't” He's still so angry

“well, maybe this will. Look, i put a chain on the roof door so that the cretins couldn't get to him, with a padlock."

“it's gotta count for something,” Rick interrupted, 'as if that helps anything.'

i felt enormous pain when i saw him cry in front of them, because i know he wouldn't do that, but the situation surpasses both of us. Again i tried to get out of Carl's grip, and this time he did let me go, so i ran into my brother's arms, feeling how he responded to my hug very slowly. It was a strange thing between us, but i needed to do it.

“hell with all ya'! tell me where he is so i can go get him.” His chest vibrated with each word. I sighed, knowing that would happen.

“he'll show you, right?” I heard Lori say, referring to her husband.

“i'll go back there,” Rick said in response.

not long later i was sitting on a log next to Daryl, watching him get ready with my head resting on his shoulder. As expected, he refused to let me go, promising that when they returned we would get out of this place somehow.

i felt people talking around me, but i could only hear them as if they were far away. I just understood that Glenn and T-Dog were going too, but i don't know if that really made me feel less terrified.

they had already left one of my brothers behind, i wouldn't be surprised if they did it again.

“hey, girl” I heard Daryl say, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"Hmm?" I looked at him, noticing that his gaze had softened, like every time he talks to me... or a child.

“we're gonna come back, ya' know tha', right? Even if Merle… 's gone, ya' know i'll be back, right?” I nodded, feeling too tired to say anything else.

“guess it's just been the two of us most of the time anyway,” I heard him mutter, resuming what he was doing.

it had been a while since they left, and although i thought i would be more stressed about being away from Daryl, his words made me feel much safer.

he's going to come back, even if it can't be with Merle.

“hey, how are you feeling?” Carl entered the tent, smiling at me.

“i feel better, Carl, thank ya”

as soon as they left, he apologized to me on behalf of his parents many times until i managed to convince him that it wasn't necessary. I'm not mad at him, he has nothing to apologize for.

"do you wanna do something? we don't have to go out, it can be here if you want” He said this time a little faster and in a low tone, like when he gets nervous.

"what are we gonna do?"

that conversation led us to this moment. Apparently Lori had found some not-so-ruined pages and some pencils and crayons among the things they brought with them, so Carl thought it would be nice if we distracted ourselves by drawing for a while.

the idea was to draw something without the other person seeing it, so i decided to draw him. That way i would have an excuse to look at him a couple of times.

i only needed a black pencil and my knife for when it was dull.

i really tried hard to portray him. I looked at his eyes, the shape of his hair, i counted his freckles and i noticed the shape of his cheeks. Maybe i hadn't realized it before, but Carl 's pretty, even adorable. I had already finished my drawing, but i wanted to continue looking at him a little longer. He purses his lips when he's concentrating, and squints comically.

i think he looked at me a couple of times while i was drawing, which made me a little nervous, 'does he know what I'm doing?'

“okay, time out, let's show our drawings” He said, and then i felt my face heat up, 'I think i'm regretting it.' “i'll count to three and we'll exchange them at the same time…”

“1…”

'oh shit, he'll see'

“2…”

'what if i did it wrong?'

“3”

before i could think about it further we had already made the change. It was then that i looked at his blade and my eyes widened.

'that's me', 'he drew me too'

“holy shit…” It's beautiful, every detail, it really was an incredible drawing. I felt my heart warm with excitement, and suddenly i just wanted to jump into his arms and never let him go.

“this is fucking amazing, Yn.” I heard the excitement in his voice, and soon his arms were around me in a tight hug. It took me a while to reciprocate because of the impression, but once i did i had a hard time letting go of it afterwards.

"can i ask you something?" I heard him say.

“sure, Carl”

“can i keep the drawing i made for you? Not because it's my drawing... it's just that, i would love to bring something of you, and since we don't have a camera to take a photo of you, i feel like this is the best thing i have” He said, blushing a little.

i pretended to think about it for a moment, then smiled at him, “only if ya' let me keep the drawing i made fer ya', fer the same reasons, of course.”

he nodded, and then we made the exchange again.

“thank ya' fer this, Carl. I didn't think ya' were going to draw me... ya' really make me feel special"

“You are special, Yn. You deserve to feel this way, and as long as we're together i'll try to remind you of that as much as i can”.

Carl Grimes is undoubtedly amazing. And although yes, i still have a hard time with my brothers, and shit things got even more difficult later, i know that everything can get better as long as he's still in my life, being one of the few people for whom i would give everything .

Carl Grimes is perhaps much more than my best friend, he's someone who earned a unique space in my heart that i didn't even know existed. He's not like Sophia, and he's not like any other guy i've met before, he's special.

he's special, and he makes me feel special too

[leynaeithnea]

Literally taking notes as I read your reply so I can remember everything I want to say to you akdmmsan ( also my fingers also hurt from refreshing Tumblr, waiting for your reply aaah)

First of all sorry for making you type so much but actually I'm not that sorry bc I'm having the time of my life talking to you, also I really like your takes and seeing your perspective on stuff (I will now proceed to tell you what I think about what you said , I swear I am sorry but I can't help it, it's the voiceeees)

2. I never stopped to think about the implications of the others joining in the song bc they are seeing Odysseus getting closer to the wall and on the brink of doing something so unforgivable that they have to wonder, should we consider him a monster? Where do we draw the line ? Kskdkd good shit

3. I 100% agree about full speed ahead, I LOVE IT and sing it to myself all the time, 4.we do need more polities , and I also adore the "stay back" part and whenever I sing it I do this silly thing where I pretend to have a sword and I use it to threaten the lotus eaters that are surrounding me ( is it silly? Yes. Do I have the time of my life being this silly? Also yes ). And I totally understand the Ody appreciation because the tragedy in his story and the way he tries to overcome all the obstacles only to realize he is a pawn of the gods anyway jajsnsnsnnjakam and how all this fighting and struggling changed him so much he became unrecognizable but somehow at the core he's still the same aaaahh 6. Agree on anything and everything you say at this point bc "there's been a misunderstanding" scratches my brain so good. 7. I'm so happy for you I wish I could pick up even half of the motifs and stuff Jay always talks about, after his explanations I'm always like "mmmh yes yes I get it (<- does NOTget it for the life of her )" 8. Hands down my favorite 10/10, I am also not 100% sold on the new version bc I am just so used to the old one but I like a lot how Athena says "don't "in this one , she feels more surprised (?),like she didn't think she HAD to warn him not to do smth this reckless, don't know how to explain it lol. AND the silence that screams "oooh you really fucked up" after Odysseus revelas his name and address is UNMATCHED , chills every time. Also the fact that in the whole musical this is the first time we hear his name is just amazing. Keeps me up at night 9.again , seeing your take on things is so good !! In this song Athena is confused by humans and how they process their emotions?? Akksks how did I not see it?? 11. I adore this one but now it's so hard to listen to it and not be haunted by mutiny

Sorry again for dumping all of this here lol, also if you want I would adore a part two for the other sagas but literally no pressure :))

BY THE GODS THANK YOUUUU OMxjdkdksks mfjfjdjsFUSJDS THIS MEANS SO MUCH TO ME DONT APOLOGIZE FOR INFO DUMPING I LOVE IT

AND YES part 2 is to come, I stopped at luck runs out yesterday because Keep your friends close has soooo many parts that I love, its one of my favorites

Also yesss Luck Runs Out really hits different now, loveeee how it sets up mutinity in the motifs so good okay I might only finish Ocean Saga in this one bc SO MUCH TO SAY but i would be honored to do this maybe saga by saga with some asks or smth idk rjsjsjs

Ok

12. Keep friends Close

"Great wind god aelus" kicks just the right way again

"Hahahaha i am the wind" Omg the melody and music in this song is so gooood so floaty and airy its big joy, aelus playfulness and the whole first part of the song is so goooodd ALSO WINIOKS "sometimes killing is a must" - "what??"

And then it shifts to the crew where i love the voice acting of the whole scene up until "we'll try" AND THEN my favorite part: Odysseus tries to stay awake

For 9 days Ive sayed wide awake, trying to make it home with no storm or tidal wave, I remain unapposed the bag is still closed and Im getting closer to youuu (penelope) i cant wait to make some new memories (telemachus) time for me to be the father i never was (just keep your eyes open) why are my eyes and my heart and soul so heavy? (Just keep your eyes open) I keep on trying to embrage you both why wont you let me?? (Just keep your eyes open) so much has changed but im the same YES IM THE SAMMEEE (just keep your eyes open) -> FIRST TIME WE HEAR TELEMACHUS BTW IM SO EXCITED FOR HIM

ALSO THEY ALMOST REACHED ITHIKA IF EURY HADNT OPENED THE BAG---- THEY WERE WITHIN SIGHT, HIS MOM COULDVE SEEN THE SHIPS

So, yeah this whole part? So good, and then penelope wakes him and he wakes up to the storm and the "NooOOooooO" is so niceee ans THEN "ODYSSEUS OF ITHICA, DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" WE LOVE POSEIDON HIS VOICEEEE

13. Ruthlessness

Danger motif (ehehe) the -sei-don in the chant in the beginning I think, madbe the po-sei im not sure

STEVENS GRIT IN HIS VOICE ITS SO GOOD like either mortius or casper said it but he literally sounds like he just gurgled salt water fr, And hes SO SASSY

"it isnt very often that i get pissed of" ....i feel like you dont have s very realistic selfimage Poseidon

"Ive been so gracious" hits right too, so good

"The cyclops youve maee blind, is mine" - No

Love how the theme of Ruthnessless finially gets spoken out directly and literally thrown into his face I ALSO LOVE HOW EVERY ANIMATOR PORTRAYS THIS SCENE AS POSEIDON BEATING UP ODYSSEUS LIKE GUDJDKSKSKSJSJ hell yes anyway

"You are the worst kind of good cause youre not even great" THE music in this moment, the drop and the how it picks up again fhsjdjskaja

Also not Ody not even apologizing smh smh

"If you jusr killed my son, But NooOooouu" SASSY SEIDON gjdjfjwj hes so pissed he didnt kill polyphemus :[ (jkjkjkrks)

Then the whole part with

RUTHLESSNESS IS MERCY UPON OUR- CAPITAIN

RUTHLESSNESS IS MERCY UPON OUR- CAPITAIN

(Also those lines asding up to 11, for the 11 ships ody looses there oml)

I love "the line between naivetë and hopefullness is almost invisible" its such a cool quote

And then the pause into "Die."

THE CALL BACK TO "when does a ripple become a tidal wave" of jusr a man Omg I LOVE just a man call backs and the disbelieve and horror in "what have you done" and Poseidons calm response, and then THE WINDBAG and "Remember Me" omggrttt yes def two of th3 best songs in the musical so far

Edit:

OH AND I FORGOT THE ACTING?? THE SWORD? YES PLS, i acted out the whole musical so far on a whim with a friend a few days ago and it was the best things in my life fr, acting for the win i also tend to act these things out by myself ghjjdg

Edit 2: Circe saga next!

[lunarifie]

Rewatching Ninjago

(With no context other than the episode)

The Tournament of Elements episode 7-8

Speed man: The ninja were right this wasnt about us winning. This was something sinister 😨

Shadowman: What gave it away. His cult following or his giant snake head.

HFJDJFBDJNF

Kai: Tell me one thing. Was it his plan to make me fall for you, or yours. Because it worked.

DAMN KAI THAT WAS SMOOTH AS FUCK

Goofy side character cult activists my beloved. Who are their voice actors because someone needs to get those two a lead job

Kapow and Chope my beloveds

Jay: its not work if you love what you do 😌 the power of positive thinking

Jay nerding over Zanes new look is adorable

Jay: a roto jet? But arent we underground?

Cole: THATS WHAT IVE BEEN SAYING

Metal man(karloff): what happened to positive thinking huh?

Why does Chen have Zanes pink gi

How does chen have zanes pink gi

Headcannon that Zane or Kai steals it on their way out

Kai YAWNED during Chens evil speech

Idk if that was adhd or audacity but i love it

Chen you manipulative asshole stop using lloyd and his parents to fucking persuade Kai

The cliche ‘GO! ILL HOLD THEM OFF!’ Leaving the most important character to fight for himself

I dont remember what happens at all so im excited

Goddddd

Lloyd: you, you turned Kai against me!?!?

He must have felt so betrayed.

Kai: itll all make sense when this is over.

Ik you have a plan Kai but you better have an apology

So tempted to draw this exchange

Dont the og anacondrai actually get pissed that Chens trying to be a poser or smth

I keep forgetting Lloyds a kid and then his voice actor drops the most child-like line ever and a piece of me breaks inside

(Nya and Garmadon tied up to a pole surrounded by the boned remains of Chens pet snake)

This…. Is fucked up.

I think I would quite literally go insane after this

Kai's guilt. Nyas hurt.

The rbg siblings are splitting apart and it's killing me.

Garmadon is so worried for his son, for Lloyd that he went as far as threatening Skylers life, but even then, he can't because he’s changed.

He's such a good character and I wish they didn't just revert him back to his evil self.

Also, the fact that Chens daughter was in potential danger and he let Garmadon man-handle her is just

I'm glad she's not under his care anymore

Kai: I had to! He said he would let you free Nya

(Proceeds to walk away as Chen doesn't set her free)

At least he has a plan

Nickname 1: tiger

I Like this one bc im pretty sure tiger is Coles symbol and the tiger sashay is the move that he accomplished when he unlocked his true potential

So it makes sense

I'm so glad ninjago hadn't formed it's expressive animation style yet bc I know Lloyd would have looked helpless instead of vacantly angry as kai stood in front of him and that would have destroyed me

Ik Kai had a plan but he didnt know that Cole and zane would come to save Nya and Garmadon and it would have been tragic if he was able to save Lloyd, but came back to another sibling as bones

Nya: Zane! Youre back!

Zane: what! What is on my back?

I love him

Kai: Hey Chen! You forgot one element. The element of surprise!

The master of surprise from the movie popping out of nowhere: SURPRISE!

And then surprise saves the day

Thats exactly how it goes.

Jk jk lol Skyler fucking totals her dad and Kai steals the staff

Its crazy that Kai held every element and was able to use them

i dont remember the power corrupting him holy shit thats scary

Lloyd looks terrified

Hes fighting the curroptness so hard good for him

HE ALMOST HIT LLOYD

Hell yeah theyre all back babyyyy

Zanes doing the funny switch song again 🥹

Wait why are they sinking all their escapes to leave

BFJSNFJDJF

“We’re not stuck on this island with you, youre stuck on this island with US.”

Oh how the turn tables

Skyler(rattles her chains)

The guards watching her: AAHJSENE

Skyler: … i need, to scratch my face. 🤨

The guards (uses their swords to scratch her face)

Skyler (loudly): thank you :)

Other guards 🤨😠

Okay but the way skyler is so used to her fathers manipulation, that she could easily tell that it was an act to take her power Is honestly heartbreaking

Having to walk on eggshells all the time

Jesus christ they implied the transaction could kill her

I absolutely despise chen now hes such a shit bag father

GO SKYLER GO FUCK YEAH

Pixal: Zane! You have to drive slower! I cant predict the obstacles!

Zane: theres no time!

Zanes really betting on that ‘its not about numbers, its about family’ idealogy

Aaaand he fell. In a cave.

WHAT NO DONT LEAVE HIM WTF.

Kai: Shes more important!

I GET SHES IN DANGER BUT YOU HAVE A SECOND TO HELP YOUR FRIEND

This is the cave in his dreaaaam

Oh shit is he hallucinating?

God poor Zane can you imagine having someone in your head telling you what you see isnt real but it feels real

JESUS CHRIST WHAT ARE THE RUNNING SAWS FOR DONT YOU WANT SKYLER ALIVE??????

Skylers so cool

Clouse (on the roto jet): a bit of a breeze up here! I wonder who will last longer.

Garmadon: How about neither! (Tackles clouse AGAIN)

Okay but Kai and Skyler actually have some chemistry and their legitimately cute

Teamwork and banter always gets me

Okay nvm Kapow and Chope suck

Garmadons not ACTUALLY gonna go to the cursed realm

Right?

THIS.

THIS was a learning experience for Garmadon

I truly believe hes ridden with guilt and a small part of him doesnt find himself worth the same as others. Which is why he always does ‘self sacrificial’ plays, throwing himself in more danger to take the enemy down.

This moment i thought he was gonna do the same thing but instead, he pulled Clouse in the portal and used him as leverage to pull himself out. I think he realized and grew from this.

Pixal: youre not afraid of dragons, you used to have one.

THATS WHAT IM SAYIIING

This is so similar to someone talking someone down from a panic attack, go pixal.

She really just kept using logic and it helped.

I think this was to show that Zane changed and grew. He’s still the white ninja but hes no longer the person he was before his trauma, now hes someone else ‘the titanium ninja.’

If i had a nickel for everytime Zane ‘found himself’ id have two nickels. Which isnt a lot but its weird that it happened twice right.

Something tells me itll happen more than twice.

Aaaand theyre all anacondrai

Oh shit i forgot Garmadon has the tattoo/worked with chen

Jay: first its four arms. Then you became a dragon! would you mind picking a body and sticking with it please!

jays transphobic confirmed /j

Kapow and Chope: WE LOOK SO COOL!

Kai: youre both still ugly! (Blasts them)

Look! Its skylers snake-jay-insecure arc

Jay: they took the roto jet and all of the blade copters!

Yes jay, thank you, we can see that.

Jay im begging you to stfu rn pls i love u but just stfu

Ohhhhh it was Zanes energy dragon.

Honestly if lloyd was never the green ninja id think Zane would be the most qualified

It seems so weird for all of then to just magically get their dragons rn

WAIT THEY CAN ALLLLL MAKE THE DRAGONS

WHAT

i feel like this makes ‘wtf happened to the other elemental masters after’ a lot more important

Kai: Chen said only one could remain, well, we are one!

Love that

[omegalomania]

I think tumblr ate my ask or it just didn't sent but what are your favorite Bastille songs / what are some songs you recommend?

i did NOT get this ask im very sorry anon.

it's genuinely hard for me to narrow down cause bastille is pretty up there in terms of favorite artists. i love all their shit, but a special mention goes out to their second studio album wild world since it's the one that made me a Fan

uh so here's a primer i guess i spent too much time on this lmao.

if you wanna listen to their big hits:

flaws - their first single in the uk. if you ever listened to ship playlists on 8tracks in like 2013-2015 then you've probably heard this song or a variant on it at some point.

pompeii - this is the song that really put them on the map and you definitely know it. it dominated the charts all over the place.

happier - the marshmello song that you've definitely heard before too. i think bastille wrote this for justin bieber or some shit but then decided they liked it too much to give it to him? lmao. anyway if you're not digging the version you hear on the radio all the time i recommend trying the stripped down version

good grief - their big hit off their second album. big in the uk, didn't really make as many waves elsewhere, but it's a really solid song anyway. one of those "upbeat tunes that's actually really fucking sad" ones

things we lost in the fire - another one off their first album. if you live in a wildfire area this might not be one to turn to. or maybe you'll find it cathartic idk i certainly do!!

quarter past midnight - a song about escapism, as was fitting when it was released in 2018 and equally fitting now. running away for a night of fucking around with friends, craving any kind of brief departure from the chaos of the modern world

skulls - this one was not a hit or a single and is technically a bonus track but i'm including it because once again if you ever clicked on a ship playlist on 8tracks in like 2013-2015 you've heard this one. and you know what that was justified this one is also good

if you wanna feel existentially depressed:

their whole discography. i mean i kid but i also don't. that's just kind of how bastille does it. BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS ones that hit me in particular would beeee

two evils - kind of a grim, haunting one introspecting about morality of the self.

oblivion - musing about the afterlife, love, and how time changes all of us.

those nights - contemplating what it is we seek when we plunge into reckless escapism, and the inherent loneliness of it; how even when surrounded by people there's still the pressure of the world outside, continuously coming to pieces

the draw - this one was written about the pull of pursuing a career in music vs. staying home with family and friends. in a broader sense, it can apply to a lot of things. i always felt it resonated with feelings of paranoia and displacement

winter of our youth - discusses childhood, nostalgia, and regret. if it feels like everything's slipping away, is it easier to relive the past, especially if the past is tinted rose?

sleepsong - loneliness, desperation, and the cyclical, abyss-like nature of all it encapsulates

if you want discussion of serious topics:

final hour - a bonus track off their second album that also became a bonus track off their third album? anyway this song talks about climate change and gun control. happy stuff

doom days - this one talks about, uh, everything! doomscrolling, political divides, escalating national tensions, climate change again, etc.

the currents - a song centered on political rhetoric and the power that figureheads have over the masses, the way they can orchestrate hate. basically it's not so subtly aimed at donald trump lmao, dan's literally sung it as much in a few live settings

WHAT YOU GONNA DO??? - social media addiction and the way capitalism and corporate interests have annexed our online experiences, fighting desperately for our attention as they seek to monetize every available aspect of our lives

four walls (the ballad of perry smith) - well this one is about uh. perry smith. who was charged with the death penalty for killing 4 people in the late 50's. but it's less directly about him and more a discussion of the morality of the death penalty and capital punishment

snakes - burgeoning anxieties and the impulse to turn to easy outs, like ignorance or alcoholism, to escape the world's global problems

if you want some pop culture sprinkled on top:

icarus - greek mythology. i like this one because it addresses something that i feel isn't addressed enough in discussions of this myth, which is that icarus is a very young lad. less about the pride of the fall, and more about the inherent tragedy of that.

laura palmer - the whole song is a david lynch shoutout. i've never seen twin peaks myself but the song still slaps.

daniel in the den - christian mythology. discusses the biblical tale of daniel in the lion's den and links that up to themes of betrayal and family.

poet - this one's a double feature, referencing both william shakespeare's sonnet 18 and edmund spencer's sonnet 75. also one of my favorites.

send them off! - this is another one of my favorites of theirs. it's also been described by dan as "othello meets the exorcist" and it very much delivers there

if you want something uplifting:

joy - while bastille (understandably) has a bit of reputation as a band that makes sad music about sad things, they've definitely got some happier songs in their catalogue. pun intended cha ching. this one's one of their more straightforwardly happy tunes

survivin' - this was a song they wrote while they were touring and then felt weird about releasing once the panini hit because it felt a bit on the nose. they ended up releasing it anyway and i am so glad they did cause it's a mood

act of kindness - the "happy" part here is debatable but i'm gonna include it anyway. it’s when someone does something nice for you and that impulse Changes you way down deep you know???

warmth - one of those "the world's going to shit but at least we have each other" kinds of tunes

the anchor - one of those "the world's going to shit but you're the one fucking thing that's still keeping me here" kinds of tunes

give me the future - their latest single as of this writing and one of the more optimistic tracks in their catalogue imo! it's yearning, but it's also with a genuine hope for the future.

and LASTLY. because im going to take every chance i can to plug this band. im going to throw some collabs and covers at you because there's one thing this band does SUPER well and it's collabs and covers.

of the night - this is the big one. it mashes up rhythm of the night by corona and rhythm is a dancer by SNAP! and it's so good they still do this one live and it goes off every time.

no angels - a mashup of "no scrubs" by TLC and "angels" by the xx, poured into a strangely mournful tune with clips from the hitchcock movie psycho. doesn't sound like it should work but it does. kinda really does.

torn apart - with GRADES and lizzo no less!!! it's got two parts but they're both excellent listen to them both

weapon - collab with angel haze, dan priddy, and F*U*G*Z and one of my absolute favorites

remains - remix of their song "skulls" but featuring rag'n'bone man and skunk anansie that adds an entire new dimension to the song, really fucking excellent

old town road mashup - lil nas x's old town road meets lizzo's good as hell meets radiohead's talk show host meets talking heads' road to nowhere meets the osmond's crazy horse. "what the fuck that shouldn't work" i KNOW and yet here it is!! BLATANTLY BANGING!!!

we can't stop - one of the few times dan smith subtly changes the lyrics of the song he's covering (most of the time he opts to keep the original pronouns and the like, which is very nice to see). anyway this one mixes miley cyrus's we can't stop with eminem's lose yourself and billy ray cyrus's achy breaky heart. and also the lion king's i just can't wait to be king is there. yes i know it sounds batshit especially because the whole thing is surprisingly melodic and heartfelt and you know what it works.

anyone but me x nightmares - mashing up joy crookes' anyone but me with easy life's nightmares and absolutely one of my favorites.

bad guy mashup - how many songs can they include with the word "bad" in the title? we've got bad guy (billie eilish), bad decisions (bastille), bad romance (lady gaga), and bad blood (taylor swift). bastille even has a song called bad blood and they didnt use it. they used taylor swift's version. also the distinctive guitar riff from dick dale's misirlou is there.

somebody mashup - how many songs can they include with the word "some" in the title? someone like you (adele), somebody told me (the killers), somebody to love (queen), use somebody (kings of leon), and someone you loved (lewis capaldi). seriously these guys take mashups to a new level.

final song - this is a cover of MØ's final song. it also adds in craig david's 7 days and, impossibly enough, europe's final countdown. how does it work. how.

ALL RIGHT. THATS ALL IVE GOT IN ME. HOPE THIS HELPED ANON AND IM SORRY IF THIS IS TOO MUCH

[mirrorforevers]

heavenly nobodies (or “the fog”) • graham/reader

this is a bit heavier than usual, ladies. proceed w caution. tw for mentions of abusive relationships, drug abuse and reader has no self-esteem at all. nothing too descriptive in that sense though

on a lighter note, reader n graham are basically two lost adults acting like petty children

a quick disclaimer: its not my intention in *any way* to glorify or romanticize drug abuse or basically anything any of these characters do - its messed up shit. this is fiction, don't take it seriously, please

if this fic was a song, even though its titled after a lush song, it would be lark by angel olsen i guess. might have a sequel someday i dunno

+18, as always. contains smut. this is sososososo long and has went through so many rewrites im sorry. but i do think its my best fic yet!

set in the mid 90s

word count: 3.780

You still remember the day it began.

A nasty fight took place between Graham and Alex. You only got involved because your relationship became one of the topics of the heated debate. Long story short, Graham basically screamed at you two that you, Y/N, were wasting your life away by dating someone like James.

At first you were blind with rage and defended your decadent relationship while insulting Coxon until your throat burned from the screaming match, but afterwards, after you caught yourself thinking a little too long about how James' eyes sometimes seemed to hover over you with an indifference Coxon's never, ever showed, and how it hurt to see Alex in the arms of an entire sea of more attractive women than you - and how shallow you've become for even trying to excuse his behavior with something as empty as the fact you weren't as stereotypically beautiful as the other girls he screwed, you noticed something wasn't quite right about the entire situation, but you still felt shivers at the prospect of telling him you were sorry. He also had a lot to apologize for.

The fog. That's what's been messing with your mind lately. And Graham's. And everyone else's.

It's hard to think about things clearly as they happen in your life when all you feel during most of it is hedonistic, empty bliss. Everything moves in slow motion. The regret, the harsh words, always come afterwards, like a sudden car crash, after people realize the very real consequences of what they said and done while they were immersed in their own very temporary, elusive, pleasures. The fog also made you bitter - not only you, but Graham, Alex and the other boys as well; your relationship with them as a group of friends and individually, each in a different way, consequently turned into a toxic, resentful mess of chaotic feelings and unresolved conflicts. Your relationship with Graham was by far the most affected.

You grew up together. You went to the same college. You very briefly had a thing. He drew you lots and lots of times, you haven't lost a drawing. You realized you didn't love him like *that* and he was okay with it. You were still as close as ever.

Then you met his other friends. In the beginning, he was so excited about this whole "band" thing. The boys were funny, compelling, undoubtedly hard to deal with sometimes, but you got them quickly. Their music very gradually became successful - they deserved it. They sounded so good together. You noticed Graham was a bit jealous of how you interacted with the other boys sometimes. Damon and Dave were the first ones who tried (hard) to bed you, but Alex, effortlessly, was the one who got to.

One night turned into two, three, fifteen. Then into a fucked up prototype of a relationship around the time their stages got bigger, more packed with screaming teenagers and all of you met her – heroin. Graham got proportionally and gradually more distressed and anxious each day. You didn't know which one of these things disturbed him the most, after all, he didn't speak to you (or anyone, for fuck's sake) like he used to. Thousands of little things began to intercalate and swallow everything you've built together.

You've started to hate him - he refused to speak to you about what was bothering him, and you barely talked outside of the inevitable circumstances. Meanwhile, Alex dragged you even deeper into his questionable lifestyle and you shrinked into it until you could pretend it fit you like a glove. You felt so small. Invisible to everything and everyone who truly mattered, even to yourself. You tried to reach out to the one who mattered most plenty of times, but every time you tried to reach out to him it would end up in screams and even more resentment. It seemed like there was no way back - he hated you as well because he thought you were just like Alex. It felt like a knife was twisted in your stomach when he said it the first time. You pretended it didn't hurt the other ones - those were the nights your binges were the worst and you'd vomit yourself to sleep, though.

Everything was leading you to one of those nights again, until you heard a knock on your door. At this time of night, it was definitely Alex.

You tried to tidy yourself up as much as you could in a matter of a few minutes. You thought you weren't as effortlessly beautiful as the other women in his life - as if cheating had something to do with appearance and not with his character, but oh well - and you felt like you had to at least try to keep up with their pace. You washed your face, smeared some foundation on some old stretch (and track) marks and tried to pretend his presence was the brightest spot on your day. He disguised so much criticism under the pretense of worry, leaving you feeling so bad about yourself, but you needed his approval like you needed air on your lungs (or opioids on your veins) for some reason you couldn't quite explain.

You open the door, holding your breath while you tried to ignore the pit that grew on your stomach just to find out that...

"Graham?" You were simultaneously relieved and revolted to see him on your door. Adrenaline ran through your veins. You didn't realize how afraid you were of him - you've only hurt one another with words, but still, you were afraid to cross eyes with him just because you felt like it would start another fight and you would simply never speak to each other ever again, not even to fight. You were afraid of how deep your friendship has corroded.

He was visibly hurting, just like you. It comforted and hurt you to see it.

"You were waiting for him, weren't you?" He noted, vaguely motioning towards the lipstick on your lips. You felt pathetic.

"What are you doing here?" You quickly wiped the lipstick off your lips while he looks around, not really knowing what to answer. His eyes, puffy, somehow indicated he wasn't there to say he was sorry. At that point, you didn't even cared who was in the wrong. You just wanted to know why he was there.

"Just came here to tell you that... I'm leaving Blur, and... I'll be moving to Germany with a friend. Tomorrow."

"What kind of joke is this?"

"I wanted to tell you because... I felt like we got so used to each other's presence t-that... even if you're relieved by the news, uh, I think you should know in advance."

There was no mischief in his eyes. There was no point in joking with something like that. It's not like you were comfortable enough with each other to joke with each other nowadays anyway. That realization crushed you and anchored you to the very confusing and tragic reality just laid out in front of you.

It was so uncharacteristic. You knew of his tendency to run away from these types of situations and this time he simply didn't. Your mouth refused to close. "I-I don't understand. You... You can't... You can't just do that. You have a fucking gig tomorrow!"

"I won't justify myself to you. Just... take care of yourself and... don't let that leech suck the life out of you more than he already did."

"You don't understand. You don't understand anything. Is this about him? Again?" In yet another wave of adrenaline, you pulled him inside your flat and he just lets you. "Are you moving to bloody Germany because of what went on between us today?!"

"I don't care that you don't love me. I care that I can't go for a fucking day without seeing you waste away your life with him. If he was someone that made you happy... but he's just killing you. I can't deal with that."

Still in shock, you pulled him in a desperate kiss. It was not an attempt of making him stay, but something else entirely new. He had to say he was leaving so you could really know, in a matter of a few seconds, how much you needed him there.

His reciprocity simultaneously broke your heart and filled it with hope - you knew how far your relationship with Alex went and how tough it would be to break free from the chains he's got your heart tangled in, but at the same time, Coxon kissed you in a way no one else ever did. He loved you like no one else could. And that's how you noticed how easily you clinged to any sign of true affection given how much Alex's been neglecting your emotional and physical needs lately. Everything was about him all the time, it was a monologue. Graham and you had a conversation.

(A conversation that lasted all night. Thankfully, Alex didn't show up. He must've been talking to someone else.)

Instead of sweet nothings and love confessions, funnily enough, you and Graham exchanged soft "I hate you"s after the deed was done. You both hated the situation you were in. Hated that even though the passion burned hot as fire between you, you were stuck in a mess bigger than everything that just went through both of you. But never each other. You just couldn't name the feeling right.

Perhaps needless to mention, he stayed in the United Kingdom. Instead of sitting and talking like adults about what you felt about each other though, the bickering somehow became even worse.

Of course you started to take his side on fights more often. Mock Alex's behavior together more often. Something definitely changed between the two of you, but it still wasn't enough. Graham was still furious that you wouldn't give up on James. You were still furious that he wouldn't take your relationship with Alex seriously. It had its many faults, yes, but it was special in a way no one else grasped and you were raised to think that people shouldn't give up on others that easily, a convention that no modern deconstruction of social norms could take out of you out of a sudden. Not even Graham. But instead of raising your voices and breaking things around you, you've found other means to release the tension between you. Usually in dark corners of untidy pubs, his flat or yours. It became so frequent it didn't need any planning anymore.

Following the opposite path of the earlier days of your animosity, the more intense the fights got now, the lower your voices got. Instead of distancing yourselves from each other in the middle of screams, your bodies got closer like magnets. He could be so tender somehow even when his words stung like venom.

You were living and breathing contradictions. Him in the way he conveys his hopeless submissiveness to you in the way every touch of yours breaks him and the way he just isn't able to cum if he sees you're not having enough pleasure, yet he fucks you like he wants it to hurt and pretends nothing happened after you're done; and you in the way you cling to him like he's your lifeline when he's deep inside of you but isn't hesitant to not look him in the eye on some other nights.

The night of one of the parties thrown by Blur's record company following the release of The Great Escape wasn't one of the latter.

While the lower floor of the venue is frenetic with people immersed in different levels of ecstasy caused by all sorts of different substances, the upper floor is reserved to the lovers, or people who were looking for a calmer place to talk or to relatively safely de-escalate from their highs. You, on the other hand, just wanted to run away from the view of Alex kissing another woman in the event he brought you to. You were almost falling asleep in one of the tiny, dimly lit and cramped rooms when a small, familiar voice woke you up. "Why aren't you downstairs with your future husband?"

You feel aloof. The slightest mention of the one you think you love disgruntles you. "Ugh. I should have known it was you," you grumble, giving him room to share the sofa with you. "You know why."

"I don't. Someone once told me I don't understand anything." He accepts the offer almost unconsciously. It's so interesting to see how his actions contradict his words and posture, just like your actions contradict yours.

"I'm still right about that. Why did you come here? To mock me?"

"You're lost."

"And so are you. Don’t talk. I don’t want to hear it."

"Do you want me to leave?" he asks, calmly, knowing what the answer will be.

It's always a no.

You instinctively move closer to him, as if he's about to disappear in a cloud of dust in any moment. You don't ever want him to leave.

He notices your eyes are glistening when your lips touch, so smoothly and in such a tender way. His hands enter your hair, just below your ears, and you melt at his touch all over again.

The kiss starts out slow, then becomes more and more intense. His tongue slides against yours and you whine, clutching at him like he’s the only thing tethering you to this earth. It becomes so easy to let him settle between your thighs. He runs one of his large hands through your hair, fists it, and pulls your head so he can have easier access to your neck, filling it with open-mouthed kisses. “Why the fuck,” you manage to murmur in between heavy breaths, “do you care so much about me?”

He doesn't answer. His fingers trace the hem of your dress instead, skimming up the side of your leg. You whimper as he moves them over the sensitive skin to the apex of your thighs, his lips finding the side of your throat again. He sucks a mark into your skin just as his thumb caress your core so lightly above your underwear and you whisper, voice trembling with desire: "You're so much better than him."

He's not sure if you're just leading him on, and neither are you. He doesn't even know if he has heard it right. The fog really blurs every line. Reason, feelings, motives. "You never cried over me", he answers, seeking to turn that reality around, it seemed. Your hips buck into his touch, and a moan escapes you when his hand coyly seeks direct contact with your clit, stimulating it with precision from the start. "You truly... don't know shit," you gasp, grinding harder against his touch and losing yourself to his ministrations, the fog of an earlier hit helping in enveloping you in a state of so much bliss.

"Do you want me to lock the door?" His raspy voice takes you out of this world. You nod, a little disappointed by having such a great feeling interrupted for the sake of privacy. Your lips were spit-slick and pinkened, your eyes half lidded. The sight made Graham breathe hard through his nose, but he somehow kept his composure. When he goes to lock the door, you couldn't help noticing the tent you helped build in his jeans. You feel proud of yourself.

He returns with the hungry kisses and eager touches, slowly driving you crazy all over again. His kisses lower down, down... and you pat his shoulders, motioning for him to stop. "I want to make you feel good tonight." He accepts the offer.

You scooch downwards, just above his hips, and you pull his pants and the waistband to his briefs down in one swift motion. He's painfully hard, but that was hardly a surprise. Graham straightens his back just in time to watch you take the reddened head of his cock into your mouth. He claps a hand over his mouth, hips bucking upwards into the wet heat instinctively, your warm breath enveloping his dick and clouding his mind.

Wrapping your fingers around it, you gently jerk him off, slowly sliding your hand from the tip back to the base. He groans, watching you as you fill his senses with a dull warmth. You stare back at him, smiling as he groans at your warm breath.

You run the tip of your index finger tentatively along the underside of his cock, watching with fascination as his cock twitches and reacts to your presence. You lean forward, breathing on the head before planting a soft kiss on the tip. Coxon whimpers, his dick aching from your attention. Tired of the teasing, you begin stroking it, your soft fingers loosely bouncing along his shaft. He leans his head back to the ceiling when you kiss the tip again.

You eye his cock excitedly, before you lean forward and lick his head, swirling your tongue around the crown and flicking it across the tip. His hips thrust forward before you can even react, his mind reeling as your tongue slowly traces along a vein you followed from the head all the way to the base. He groans, and was about to say something when his mind went blank. He sees pure white, his brain shutting down almost completely as you wrap your mouth around the end of his cock and set a steady rhythm to the oral stimulation. His chest rumbles as a deep growl of satisfaction leaves him, shaking through the air, the vibrations in your mouth punctuating his growl with a hiss.

He cracks his eyes open, his glazed eyes staring down to find you staring directly at him. The sight of his rigid cock vanishing between your soft lips made his skin crawl. He groans heavily, grasping your head on instinct and thrusting forward.

You gasp lightly as he shoves himself deeper inside your mouth, pushing against your throat. He moans your name desperately, panting heavily as his hips automatically thrust against you. You stand firm, keeping only the front half of his cock in your mouth, slithering your tongue against the crown and watching intently for his reactions. He was close, his mind firmly on fire as his body reacted on autopilot, trying to extract as much pleasure as possible. He could feel his climax approaching, your soft lips and gentle eyes coaxing him on. You look into his eyes and give an experimental bob of your head, taking him further into your mouth. Feeling the characteristic salty taste of precum on your tongue, you take your mouth off his cock, and before his mind is able to form a cohesive sentence of protest, you take off your underwear and sit on his lap. His hands now squeeze your hip, pulling you closer. Your wetness leaves a bit of a trail on his legs before you sink on his hard, already lubricated cock.

"You're addicted to my cock, aren't you," It's fascinating how Graham's behavior changes when he's drunk. In the best and worst ways. He would never say something like that while sober. You nod in agreement, face flush with arousal and need. "He can't even fuck you," he punctuactes with an especially hard thrust, "like I can." he envelops you in a sort of hug as his broad shoulders and arms now dictate the rhythm you both follow.

"He--c-an't, fuck--"

"Do you think," he takes his entire cock out of you just so he can go even deeper when he says, "he'll hear us... if you say my name out loud?" he smiles when a loud moan escapes your lips, feeling completely in control of your body. You can't even talk anymore, just nod, like a marionette.

"So say it." Another thrust. And another. And another. You follow his pace with your hips religiously, not even slightly ashamed of making the name of the one who's giving you so much pleasure public, as he commanded. You take the last atom of control on your body and direct it to your pussy, clenching your walls tighter around him, an action that successfully tears his thoughts apart, making his eyebrows furrow and his mouth, agape. One of his hands move to the middle of your bodies and, as he looks down at where your bodies meet, begins to stimulate your clit to the rhythm of his thrusts. His groans turn louder when your body moves towards his again, and the sound of your moans, along with the sound of skin against skin and your ragged breaths were the only thing you were able to hear, along with the distant sound of It Could Be You playing in the background.

In a daze, he says your name in that unique way that only he knew how to - like it was part of a prayer and your body was his God(dess). You dig your nails into his back while he fucks you without a trace of mercy. You close your eyes, losing yourself in all those sensations as Graham continued his movements. When he punctuates his now even faster thrusts with a string of "fuck, fuck, fuck" - that's when you know he's close, a suspicion confirmed true as he comes hard inside of you, closing his eyes tightly as he reached his climax. You follow him seconds later.

When he recovers enough to be able to breathe calmly and control his heartbeat, Graham rests his chin on your shoulder. Neither of you say anything for a long time.

And when the spasms of pleasure are gone, Graham's brain decides to go back to work and he realizes what had just happened - again. Suddenly, the sensation of bliss is accompanied by that weird sensation of "What do I do now?". He carefully removes his dick from you and pulls his jeans up, zipping up his pants while you straighten your dress and search for your panties in the middle of the dark. Both without saying a single word.

Graham clears his throat, glancing at the mirror behind the door and seeing his state was deplorable. His face reddened by the heat and his hair a perfect mess. You were in no better situation than him.

“Uh,” Graham said a long time later, breaking the silence. “How long is that arrangement supposed to last?”

"I won't count the time." You responded calmly. 

He nods, mystified by you. 

[innittowinit]

SBI headcanons awooga

Some headcanons and things for my sbi fd! Abandoned amusement park fic lol 

Here's the link if you haven't read it btw 

SBI last name is Reid, DT last name is Jackson btw lmao, i probably won't mention it much though unless it's like Mrs Reid for the sbi mom y'know

This has Tommy, Techno, Wilbur and Phil included; lmk if a dt post would be a good idea too 

Tommy

The youngest brother, he’s seven lmao what a child

Even though he’s the youngest, he’s also the most confrontational and will gladly ‘fight’ anyone who talks bad about his brothers 

He can’t fight

He’s very tall for his age but is also extremely light since he’s always running around 

Phil tries to get him to try new foods a lot but Tommy’s a really picky eater

...Tantrums.. Every time he doesn’t get his way

This lead to his brothers spoiling him quite a bit, he’s still sweet enough though since Phil has had many stern conversations with him about being nice to people 

Has a toy music boy, with collectable discs

Wilbur got his first disc for him, it’s his most prised possession 

Every time he does all of his chores (which are really just small things like clean up after himself and keep his room tidy) someone, whether its his Mum, Wilbur or someone else, gets him a new disc 

Techno got him ‘Pig step’ for his seventh birthday and he listens to it every night before bed 

One time he snuck downstairs while Techno and Wilbur were having a sleepover and watched the horror movie they were watching without them realising it. Techno and Wil were the ones to get into trouble since Tommy wouldn’t sleep for a week afterwards. 

Techno had to read him a story every night until he stopped thinking he was going to be eaten by a demon in the middle of the night 

Drinks way too much caffeine for a kid, someone take this boys coke away

He’s got a habit of biting his nails, which has left him with some pretty crooked teeth, which will probably need to be fixed with braces when he’s older. 

It’s also gross because he climbs so much there’s almost always dirt under his nails 

Hasn’t really grasped the whole concept of not saying everything he thinks yet

Oh my god someone shut this boy up

He still believes in Santa and The easter bunny too

One time Techno told him Oogie Boogie from the nightmare before christmas was real and he cried

He talks a lot in school because he finds it boring but he’s also very good at maths and English for his age

Wilbur 

Middle child, Wil is 13. Techno’s twin 

He’s pretty insecure about his music even though he’s been playing his whole life

That’s why he likes being able to practice in L’manburg, there’s no pressure to be perfect when he’s alone with his brothers 

Super extroverted and confident in everything else though, Since Techno can’t talk to most people, he usually tries to speak for both of them

After realising that Techno didn’t really like it when he said ‘Techno thinks’ a lot, back in primary school, he adapted to trying to speak for what Techno wants without making Techno’s issues obvious

They tell people who need to know, but for people they’ll only talk to a few times they usually just get away with Wilbur acting super obnoxious and loud so it seems like Techno just doesn’t have room to talk, rather than that he can't 

It’s easier than getting into it since they don’t feel like most people will understand

has separation Anxiety, when he’s not with his brother he doesn’t relax/ feel safe at all. If it happens at school he won't do his work at all/ Will probably just leave the room and try to find Techno

Everyone kinda knows this and they try to suit things around it without saying it outright 

He’s kinda embarrassed, he likes to think he’s the one protecting Techno but really they need each other the same amount 

Techno gets this though, He doesn’t mind if wilbur has a bit of a saviour complex, he’ll play along if it makes him happy 

They’re working on it with their Therapist though so don’t worry, he won't grow up to be an ass

Interests (besides music) include: 

Watching obscure documentaries 

Disney movies, favourite is peter pan 

  Skating 

He and Techno got Picked on in primary school for being so close, he learnt kickboxing so he could defend himself if things ever got physical. Luckily they didn’t but he still knows how to kickbox so watch out

Almost always turning in homework late, he’s good at talking his way out of Detentions though. 

And when he cant talk his way out, Techno finds a way to get detention too

He’s VERY protective of his younger brother(s(he was born first so he likes to insist that Techno is his little brother)) 

That’s good for the most part but he can be a little overbearing sometimes, he’s got detention many many times for cussing out people who so much as looked at Techno wrong 

When he’s feeling guilty he mumbles a lot 

Techno 

Middle child, 13. Wilbur’s twin

Has selective Mutism, completely fine talking to Wilbur, Only talks to Tommy and Phil if Wil is there too but other than that he’s completely fine talking to them as well. He speaks to his parents but not as openly as he does with his brothers, with them its usually very quiet, one word sentences 

Like Wilbur, separation Anxiety also, It’s not as bad as Wilbur’s is though, Wil just makes him comfortable enough to talk with his brothers, he can deal with being without Wilbur but he absolutely doesn’t want to

He can be a bit arrogant and possessive of his brothers at times, he’s a bit scared of them leaving him because he can be so difficult so he has a tendency to be cold to any new people they bring home 

Interests include: Pvp games, ancient china, farming

He was hyper-fixated on a cartoon when he was younger and now he has multiple cosplays from it that he’ll probably never wear again

His hair is LONG and pink, they never figured out why it grew so fast or why it was pink but it is lmao 

When he was born his parents were terrified, they thought he had some kind of rare condition that was going to hurt him but the doctors eventually came to the conclusion that he just had healthy hair that grew fast and the pinkness was due to an abnormality in the melanin in his system or something idk fellas im failing science pls pretend this part makes sense 

Being silent with long pink hair as a kid, he got picked on a lot. There were many instances where he just pushed kids over or hit them because they were being mean 

Since he’s the quiet one, teachers usually trust him a lot so he and wilbur used to skip class a lot, back when they got picked on, by saying they had to help another teacher do something

In an attempt to get him to be more social, his parents signed him up for violin lessons aged 8, he really liked his teacher and had even managed to speak a little to her over the past 4 years he took lessons 

Spaces out a lot 

He watches a lot of conspiracy theory videos but he doesn’t actually believe any of them, he just finds them interesting

One time he convinced Tommy they were living in a simulation and Tommy hit a kid to see if his hand would pass through

He’s spoken a few words to squidkid too since they’re childhood friends and he’s very comfortable with him. Ironically all he seems to say to him is ‘bozo’ to tease the other for saying it so often, instead of literally any other insult

Phil 

Oldest brother, 16 

Cares about his brothers so so so so so much like he will do anything to keep them happy and safe

One time he missed an exam because Tommy was sick and he wanted to take him to the doctor before anything else

Tommy was fine btw, just one of those bugs you get when you're little

Their parents are pretty distant so Phil has been pretty much raising them since he was little, he doesn’t mind though

Their parents aren’t bad people or anything, they just get called out a lot for work and can’t be at home a whole bunch, it’s a big part of the reason why Techno never got comfortable talking a lot around them

He works at a Nearby florist to get extra cash to buy his brothers things when his parents arent home

When their mum is home, he brings her flower arrangements home from work because he is sweet <3

He’s really into mythology and Folklore as well as drawing, when he was younger he had multiple sketchbooks filled up with different creatures that he had drawn 

When he, techno and wilbur were all little, he used to play a game with them where they’d describe a monster off the tops of their heads and he’d draw it for them 

Techno and Wilbur loved this and always put up Phil’s drawings on their bedroom walls 

When he was 13 he used to write angsty poetry, He told wilbur about it one day and that's when wilbur first started adding lyrics to his songs 

He can be pretty gullible, he likes to believe that people mean good no matter how hard it might be to see it that way 

He can hold grudges for a pretty long time, he’s quick to forgive when it’s himself that’s been hurt but it’s very very hard to get on his good side again if you hurt his brothers 

Watches Alien theories with techno, unlike techno he actually believes in them

Has the ‘i believe in aliens’ poster 

When they were little, he used to grow strawberry plants with techno and Wilbur, this is what prompted techno to start growing other vegetables in their garden himself

[starsbythepocketful12]

headcanons cause i’m in flarrie hours

they are THE couple when it comes to halloween costumes

all their outfits for big events (parties, gigs where dirty candy and/or jatp perform) are coordinated

carrie my femme queen & flynn my nonbinary lesbian darling

go to protests & marches together

flynn lends carrie books by her favorite Black female authors & carrie lends her books by her favorite sapphic poets

they make playlists about each other but the other doesn’t know they do it (julie & kayla are the only ones permitted to know of the existence of these playlists & have been sworn to secrecy, though julie has a strong suspicion carrie also makes playlists about flynn and vice versa)

have a joint pinterest account for their wedding moodboard

carrie adopted a tiger cub and named it flynn for their three month anniversary

they go to the mall together every other weekend and shop, which they both love to do and when they get home they always model the new outfits they bought

flynn squeals every time they see a dog in public and always runs over and asks if they can pet it and carrie always watches her with such a fond look that the owner almost always makes a comment on what a lovely couple they are or asks how long they’ve been together (something that has actually been happening since even before they were dating, and back then you can imagine the flustered ness it caused)

flynn often comes to watch dirty candy rehearsals, cheer them on, make sure they’re staying hydrated/taking snack breaks and that carrie’s not overworking herself

carrie is the first person that flynn tells she wants to DJ professionally and carrie gets her her first gig

eventually flynn gets into producing as well and ends up making a track for carrie, who writes lyrics to it and it becomes dirty candy’s most successful song to date

carrie says i love you first one saturday afternoon while they’re watching a movie on flynn’s computer in her room. flynn laughs at a joke and carrie looks over at her, her beautiful, incredible girlfriend, and simply can’t resist the urge to say it

flynn’s shocked into silence so carrie panics and leaves and doesn’t answer flynn’s messages

that night flynn shows up at the wilson mansion and throws rocks at carrie’s window until she comes out

flynn is upset with carrie for running out and ghosting her and carrie’s trying to defend herself so they argue but then flynn interrupts carrie by kissing her and breathlessly saying, “i love you.” carrie kisses her and not another word on it is said

carrie steals flynn’s hats

they’re not really PDA-y, they just happen to engage in a lot of unconscious, casual affection, like flynn often absentmindedly intertwines their pinkies and carrie doesn’t realize her arm is around flynn’s shoulders until she’s doing it

even after months of dating will still flirt like they’re in their enemies who are secretly very attracted to e/o era

flynn really loves art, particularly murals, so she drags carrie to a lot of gallery openings and museums

at one point when flynn’s going through a hard time carrie enlists all their friends for help making a giant mural full of drawings of things that make her happy

flynn happy cries when she sees it and is pretty much always seen hugging carrie for the rest of that night

only really cuddle when one (or both) of them is sleepy, though flynn does often sit on carrie’s lap

before starting to date, carrie would tease flynn for having stuffed animals during their sleepovers at flynn’s until they started dating and flynn started spending more time at carrie’s and flynn discovers that her girlfriend’s a little hypocrite

flynn has a younger sister and brother (sister is six, brother is four) and they absolutely ADORE carrie and think she’s the coolest and carrie thinks they’re the cutest

flynn’s like no they’re little demons and carrie’s says who says demons can’t be cute? you once called me a demon right, and im cute, aren’t i? and flynn rolls her eyes and fights back a smile

flynn also has a college aged older sister who she looks up to a lot, like that’s her hero and absolute role model, so naturally carrie’s terrified to meet her, and though she tries to appear intimidating at first, she can’t keep up the act for long and starts being friendly with carrie pretty much right away

one day they’re supposed to go on a date but carrie’s sick and forgot to text flynn telling her not to come so flynn shows up at her house but stays anyway to look after her

flynn reads to her and makes her soup

trevor & flynn play video games while carrie naps

flynn makes jewelry in her free time and consults carrie for her thoughts on every piece (in junior year she starts selling them at school & turns out to be quite the entrepreneur)

they have an inside joke about cosmo and wanda

a couple of the dirty candy members sometimes jokingly flirt with flynn and are like “watch out! we’re gonna steal your girl!” and carrie gets possessive and apologizes for it pretty quickly but flynn thinks it’s hot so it works out pretty well

will watch bad rom coms to make fun of straight people and throw popcorn at the screen when they get together

pet/nick names: care, baby, babe, love, (from carrie to flynn who shuts down upon hearing it) honey, (flynn to carrie, who becomes very giddy the first time flynn says it in a text message) sweetheart

if you couldn’t tell before they ofc have an enemies to friends to lovers arc

move in together after graduating, neither planning on going to college (julie goes to berkeley and nick some other place in california where they have lacrosse cause that’s the sport he plays right) and their parents think it’ll be a disaster but it actually goes really well

the first couple of weeks they fight more, all petty arguments mostly out of the stress of moving, but they always talk it out

it doesn’t take long for them to be happy they’re living together and feel really glad they took that step

two years after graduating flynn gives her a promise ring

carrie cries her eyes out and replies “of fucking course, you dumb fuck” when flynn asks if she’ll take it

ten years later carrie’s a successful pop star/choreographer & flynn’s a record breaking producer/DJ and they’re about to buy a house when they realize they never got married

it’s just a moment where they’re relaxing together on the couch and suddenly are like. oh

and proceed to burst out laughing

it’s a small ceremony, thrown together in just three weeks

carrie wears a short, light pink dress with a heart cutout in the back that would probably be more suited for a high school sophomore’s spring fling but no one cares

flynn wears a suit, and is walked down the aisle by her older sister

they both tear up upon seeing each other and sob through the vows (the traditional pre written ones, they wrote vows for each other but they recite them to the other when they’re alone, so it’s something special only they can share)

julie & kayla are the maids of honor, nick and alex are the best men

julie & luke’s five year old hernando is the ring bearer & alex and willie’s three year old umi is the flower child

trevor, flynn’s older sister and parents cry

even flynn’s now teenage younger siblings, who as of late have often been stereotypically cynical and moody shed tears

jatp perform at the reception (they have also become a hit band at this point)

when they get back from the honeymoon the first thing they do is get a dog

they adopt a golden doodle rescue named stella

a couple years later they start talking about kids and look into getting a sperm donor

because they love being competitive they do little games to decide who will be the one to carry the baby

it’s all jokes though, they decided at the start of the process that it would be flynn for the first kid and carrie for the second

but then SURPRISE flynn has twins

a boy and a girl named tyler and ollie (who’s who i won’t tell you cause fuck gender)

they don’t even talk about carrie getting pregnant now cause they’re busy with the babies and trying to manage their careers but one night, when the kids are eight, and flynn has just flopped onto the couch with a dramatic sigh after putting them to bed, carrie puts down her kindle and quietly says that she wants another kid.

they talk for hours because while flynn wants another kid too, when you’re both celebrities with demanding jobs and people constantly trying to peer into your life, that decision involves even more factors

they decide to have another kid and carrie chooses to take a step back from her career for now-she’ll return to it eventually but for now she wants to be able to just be a parent without worrying about work and not have to deal with the guilt that comes with working when she feels like she should be being a parent

though the kids have always been their main priority and they have done quite well dividing their time between work and being with them, and have done decently shielding them from the public eye (majority of the pictures of ollie & tyler that the public has are blurry candids, and the few high quality ones are from when they were three and they no longer look like that anyway so it’s all good)

it’s a harder process for carrie to get pregnant as she’s almost 40 and flynn was 31 when she had tyler and ollie

but it happens though they’re careful about choosing the sperm donor-even briefly consider asking reggie or nick-because with this kind of thing there’s always the risk that other parent could track down where their kid ended up and want to be a part of that kid’s life later on which is uber complicated for many reasons so they get those scary possibilities out of the way by just finding someone who they know wants to be in the child’s life

preston choi, a thai & korean american mathematics professor ends up being their guy

he’s immensely genuine, sweet, respectful, polite, and gentlemanly

when he came out at fifteen his parents kicked him out of the house

it was a long and difficult journey but they’re in a decent place now

but it’s not the family he wants to have and he’s tried but has yet to find a partner

but doesn’t want to wait to have kids so here he is, more than happy to co parent with flynn and carrie

so that’s what they do! tyler and ollie become big siblings to miles wilson-choi on december 10th, 2044

miles grows up in the most multicultural home ever, being fluent in 4 languages (English, AAVE, Spanish thanks to their tia julie, Korean, and Thai) all their life

tyler & ollie welcome preston and miles into the family with open arms, as well as the addition of korean and thai cuisine to the already amazing dinner tables they had of soul and caribbean food

when miles is seven carrie goes back to work full time, with preston’s assurance that he’s got this when her and flynn are busy and tyler and ollie (who are now fifteen) promising they’ll help out as well

at that point the long awaited julie and the phantoms/carrie and flynn wilson collaboration FINALLY happens

flynn wins her 28th grammy for it, leaving her tied with beyoncé for most grammys won by any woman ever (its julie’s 14th, luke’s 6th, and carrie’s 12th, and the band’s collective 10th cause alex never did any solo projects and reggie released one country album but it didn’t win any grammys rip though it was nominated for 2 CMAs)

[sastrugie]

john entwistle biography review

ok so first: I didnt really like the biography because I thought it would focus on totally different aspects. John was a musical virtuoso and that hardly ever gets mentioned in the book. But we get exact axccounts on how much money he spent on what day and in which pub he bought which champagne. like wow thanks. The other personal stuff is basic who knowledge you can read in any other Who biography. His autobiographical bits were joy and fun! Maybe the only reason to buy the book in my opinion. He writes totally different than the author...

ANYWAYS: here my fav facts from the book that you probably didnt know before

this is the face of a man who -when his father gave him driving lessons for his 21st birthday as a present- decided driving wasnt really his thing and he spent the money on clothes and parties instead. He never had a drivers license ever and also never desired to have one 

the hospital he was born in, was bombarded and destructed one day after his birth

as a child he was really weak and thin and had basically every disease that existed

his family was poor af

his father left the family early and held contact with his son, but soon disappeared with a new family

his stepdad, Gordon, disliked John alot and would ignore him, hated everything John did or said and he let his bad moods out on Johns mother, which caused John to be very silent and observative around the house so that there wouldnt be any trouble

he did everything to please Queenie (his mom) so that there was no fighting, according to Alison

loved drawing and playing but usually alone since he had no friends apart from their dog

he heard a trumpet solo once from a trad jazz band when he was 6 or so and decided he wanted to learn the trumpet

my fav line of the book probably: “despite his own expectations, he passed the exams to go to grammar school” like same

at school he was bullied from the older boys but soon left alone by them because he would fight back with badass comments 

he applied for the school band for the trumpet but the tallest guy in the year was chosen (he was the 2nd tallest)  which made John mad, but he discovered the french horn

soon he found a friend, mickey brown, at last and he gave him the nickname “ent”

he was so terrible in P.E that he was dismissed with other pupils to play somehwere else, they were called “the hockey misfits” and guess who was among them: Pete Townshend.

yeah as you might know they became besties because they loved music and black humour.

he found himself a gf (alison) and Pete & a school gang (like 4 ppl) and his life seemed to finally get where it should.

his worst subjects were geography and german like wow (im a german geography student lmao)

once they played in a pub and johns stepdad was there and was super angry and gave john a list with his fav pubs and told him “these are the places I never want to hear your fucking music playing”.

after walking home pete decided to switch the guitar and john wanted to become a musician more than ever

Roger found him and John kind of convinced him (it took months apparently) to get Pete into the band and then it all started

he judged the beatles because John Lennons harmonica was “out of tune” in love me do, wow ok you nerd

john started smoking with 20 and was the last one to quit his job for the band and he was against drugs at first (bc he had a “civilized” job) but then decided to give a shit, dyed his hair black, bought cigarettes, smoked dope with pete and did speed too

he wanted to step out of himself and feel good about himself and he was always a fashionnerd so he started buying and trading and selling clothes (he once was dismissed from school bc he wore the school uniform incorrectly)

with 18 or so he was still living at home, had a toy soldier collection and a pet budgie

pete and his college friends made fun of john bc he wasnt a student and still lived at home, although john could have gone to college too and he wanted to, but his stepdad again said no and he had no choice.

he was very awkward and introverted but could open up with his music 

he was really into pop art (esp pop art clothes)

was a pseudo mod bc he only liked the fancy clothes and motown music

with the who he found a purpose in his life and finally could be different than ordinary ppl

hated when people touched his hair, he literally hated it

would fuss much about his hair in general

once after a concert they were starving and the room service was alreday home so they had to look on used plates and food wagons and John found a shrimp and said: “who wants to dine with me tonight?” (idk that really made me laugh)

keith moon was john entwistles soulmate and they were the cutest, most iconic and funniest duo ever end of discussion

his amps would soon be called little manhatten bc he had so many bc he wanted to be loud

he actually went to sing at church once when he was like 24 and the band made fun of him then he stopped

in the late 60s he bought a house with alison in a normal neighbourhood and went walking the dogs on sundays and stuff

but he was a party animal and always the last to go

he was really sensitive and cried often according to Alison but only in front of certain people

he would totally step out of his way to please people

when they played at the monterey pop festival they didnt bring their own amps along and john was furious bc he said the american amps are shit and kit was like “no” and john didnt talk to him for the whole festival until their perfomance was over and they had sounded like shit to tell kit “I TOLD YOU SO” thats how extra he was

when he got money he would spend it bc he was so used to being poor that he thought it wouldnt last long and he had to enjoy it NOW

he was always calm and everyone respected him and kit told a story where he entered the room and roger was at keiths throat and and pete was screaming something and john was sitting in the corner cleaning his nails. thats who energy

liked to dance at parties

his fav drink was rémy cognac with 40% and he would drink like 1 bottle alone everyday in his later years...wow dude

he was also gentlemanTM and once paid taxis for girls from london to brighton after a party

once at a wedding the free drinks were out and John just gave the barkeeper his creditcard and said he will pay for all the drinks of the night for everyone (it wasnt his wedding)

Roger once said: “John made smartass comments that deserved a punch in the face” sounds like him yes

he didnt really care about money and always wanted to pay and never told anyone how much things had cost and brought gifts for everyone

soon that ended in a shopping addiction tho and he bought ridiculous things for ridiculous amounts of money

when the who was inactive he sank into depression :(

held the band together during who by numbers & who are you

wrote and played all the quadrophenia horn parts himself

never lost his passion for art and always drawed alot, said Alison

cried when Christopher was born aww

once he saw their manager in an art museum and how he wanted to buy a painting but couldnt afford it, so John bought it secretly and shipped it to said managers home as a gift

We all know John was a huge collector. His most treasured collection was .. wait for it: teapots.

he tried to save Keith from being arrested once and ended up being arrested too lol

wanted to write a scifi concept album but desorted the idea and gave some songs to the who (905) or Pete

was a good cook apparently

When he gave a hug HE was the one who decided when to let go sdfghjk

hated confrontation and would hire other people to tell someone bad news

he spent so much money on dumb shit like wtf

but didnt really care either

probably the master in picking up and seducing girls

he let his stepdad live in the quarwood mansion when he wasnt there but Gordon was still an asshole wtf

the contact to his real dad was really sporadic

when the who ended, it hit him really hard and he didnt know what to do besides partying and buying stuff/hording stuff

was very insecure and selfconscious in the 80s according to Maxene :(

he actually took pete breaking up the who really personal and was sad 24/7

was that kind of guy that said bad stuff about the who but when you said bad stuff he would try to kill you on spot

with cocaine he felt really confident and still like the 60s/70s rockstar he once was but he didnt understand that these times were over and he needed to move on

sometimes went into random pubs with friends and made jam sessions for the guests

he still was generous and loving until he died and tried to play with other bands but it was not the same

he really liked Kenney and hung out with him more than with his wife at some point lmao

was a total giver and people who worked at quarwood would steal money from him but when someone pointed that out he got angry with that person for even suggesting that

was a real softieee (and a huge nerd)

all his friends said that he was shy at first but once you got to know him he would come totally out of himself, was very funny, loved to tell stories, was very very loyal and would try evertyhing to make you laugh aww

all in all a glorious story with a sad ending and he did destroy himself completely, but lets remember that Pete Townshend described old John still as "wonderful, mature and elegant” so lets cling on to that :)