#im trying so hard to distract myself | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ponshroom · 18 days ago

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lilac-melody · 2 years ago

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😶‍🌫️hm.

#im trying so hard to distract myself #im blasting music in my ears to the point i might end up with tinnitus one day #im replaying some of my favorite songs #im playing my comfort songs #but im ngl im still a bit nervous #the urge to just grab my pocket knife and just. slit my wrist open where a major artery is or smthin or down a bunch of pills is SO strong #im tired of living. im tired of suffering everyday and being too scared to message anyone abt it bc i hate bothering people #not to mention when i finally DO have the guts to msg someone theyre already going through sht and i dont wanna put more on them #its not the first and it wont be the last time that i have the urge to just fuckign kill myself but.#i genuinely just dont see the point in me living.#people on here only see the brighter sides of me bc i only post the best of my days usually #but ive been in an abusive relationship. i have religious trauma. i have trauma from when i was a child that gave me ptsd.#i have serious depression. and i cant even take anti depressants because im on seizure meds.#life has always been nothing but shit and im sick of trying to be positive for everyone only to be called all sorts of names and abandoned #idk. maybe dying really wont be so bad. maybe it wont be painful. i dont know. i really dont.#im typing everything here bc i dont want to post this openly and ik 99.9% of people dont read my tags anyway so its...a nice way of venting #i think.

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pokemonveterinarian · 1 year ago

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Morticia Addams

You'd look so pretty :3 /plat

What do I dress as for Halloween?

#im trying so hard to distract myself

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sage-is-in-fact-very-tired · 2 days ago

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i think it's important to remember the world isn't gonna end just because of this . we'll figure it out <3

#we will #both because we have to and also because we can #sorry chat I'm trying so hard to distract myself and im failing kinda bad thank you to everyone who keeps putting silly fable stuff on dash #<3 #a tag to help find my own posts

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pyjamacryptid · 17 days ago

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I'm currently rewatching the dark tower for reasons (fic reasons), and when Gwen said "Morgana's enchanted it to protect me," it rang an alarm bell, this time 'round.

"[...]to protect me."

hm. huh. you don't say. interesting. As in, the knights are the enemy not the rescuers? hm. curious.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it (i mean, hey, that's the fun of it), but that choice of language stood out to me.

#I've got more thoughts on this but i don't really have the time for it rn #(i.e. I'm trying very very hard to focus on this fic im writing and im being so cool about it and not struggling at all lol)#so have this half-baked observation merlin fandom #but feel free to add if u guys got any thoughts 👀#anyway i've never been the biggest fan of the evil gwen arc #do I absolutely love angel coulby's acting throughout it? YES. that was incredible and she deserves all the awards #was the dolma an instant shot of serotonin and i clap like a happy seal when she waltzes onscreen? yes #was the arthur/gwen moment in the cauldron of arianrhod absolutely gorgeous and beautiful? yes #but do i think - narratively - that it took up far too much time in the final season that was better suited elsewhere? yes #i could write essays on where the attention should've been directed...#anyway yes fic writing i've distracted myself enough #bbc merlin #merlin #sir elyan #guinevere pendragon #bbc gwen #bbc elyan #the dark tower #merlin meta #meta #ren rambles #scheduled

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 month ago

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...

#oh lads. lads. lads. lads. im being sucked back into the world of academia #i dont even kno what happened. a week ago i was crying bc i was like: this is impossible. i simply cannot do this.#and then i went into the lab sunday and miraculously i was able to easily read some papers. like i dont kno how to discribe how baffling it #was. like reading papers is like pulling teeth and this was somehow easy. i think maybe it was bc i let myself get distracted and wander #thru it. and then after that i got so much done this week and i was tired but having fun. and like the thing is: i fucking love evolution #it's like puzzling out the code for life in both a metaphical and literal sense. its fucking incredible. and my project is also very #interesting. if a bit intimidating in its scope. ya kno. just in the way photosynthesis is generally intimidating #but i think i have a strain thats lost chlf which is really interesting and my advisor said we might have the money to try some crispr for #my cyano children. hypothetically. maybe. and i get to do some poking around in genomes. theres so so much to love there #how could i possibly want to do anything else? and yet. and yet. here at the end of the week im so wrung out and i kno i just have to start #again on sunday and i kno im gonna have to step it up in terms of reading if i want to make it through a committee meeting and proposal #defense. not to even mention a comprehensive exam. and what do i get at the end of all this? a lifetime of academia draining my life away.#bc what i do is so academic. so whats the point? its just so frustrating.#and on top of that ive got all this data from my old lab that i kno i have to work on. and i will. i will. but with what time?#anyway the point is. i can see a path forward now where i stay here and decide the pain will be worth it despite not knowing where im going #after that. im just so tried #but right now it feels like im gonna stay until someone kicks me out #but that doesnt exactly make me feel happy. ugh. but if i stay i want to get my old pi to come here and give a seminar. ill warn her how #intimidating the department is tho. we've had 2 talks in the last 2 weeks that were... not good. particularly the one this week #like she couldnt answer a single question they thru at her and didnt seem to kno her data sets. it was hard to watch. anyway. i just want #to see my academic mother again. send me back to the desert! let me rot in a field full of sage #but send me back to the hills of an older mountain range. where i can climb sandstone cliffs and lay in carpets of moss. except i wouldnt do #that bc of all the ticks and threat of lyme disease...#anyway. im still tired. still sad. and there doesnt seem to b a way out #unrelated

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wolvertooth · 21 days ago

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im just lookin thru my archive rn cuz ive been posting fairly actively since like. july. debating if i need to do another #mentalhealthbreak or nah….

its not that ive run outta post ideas or anything(cuz my brain never shuts tf up), its just been kinda hard lately to keep up with the community aspect i think. i dunno. maybe im getting a bit burnt out again too

this is kinda the longest ive ever held a fixation consistantly, but the fear of slipping back into the Nothing Era where i got nothing to keep my brain occupied has me hanging on ig. i feel like im not done yet either like waiiiitttttt ive still got piles of wipssssssss i gotta make gay people realllllllll sigh

im only human im a messed up human blablah it makes good practice for adderall at least(not that its really been working) i just dont wanna be in a state where it feels like a chore yknow? like im not an influencer im a gay lil tumblr.com blog ffs

another dramatic emotion filled sigh………im gonna be staying out in the middle of the canadian sticks(farmland n woods n a couple beaches nearby) this winter for awhile, so maybe i’ll be able to figure out how to get some good chill time. or go more insane. (likely get more insane)

#(pic is from marvel comics presents 97 btw)(nice logan design in that one)#on one hand i hate how my brain never stops talking. the whole psychosis thing doesnt really help with that either.#on the other..my adhd makes it so its hard to hold my attention long enough to distract myself #so i dont really got a choice #i dont really socialize that often either. theres people i dm back n forth with but im not really a talk first kinda guy #or reach out kinda guy in general. got that Whats The Point style depression #and its probably my autism too lol #apparently i wouldnt be entirely isolated where im gonna be staying tho. maybe.#cuz my grandma mentioned that one of the nearby farmers kids is around my age #(gonna be staying in a room at my grandmas place)#and he recently moved back in after having some struggles. we got that in common ig.#they got like 6 kids and hes the only one that didnt wanna be a farmer #it’d be a miracle if i ever interacted with the guy tho #one of his younger brothers walks the dogs near the house sometimes so i could try talking to him ig #kind of a bitch to try to find friends after highschool..#4 fuckin years after highschool……

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butchviking · 1 year ago

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its fine to think women are making bad choices. i think the problem is when ppl get angry at them about it. go get angry at a man instead

#im trying so hard to stay out of it im trying SOOOO hard to stay out of it.#radblr isnt real and it cant hurt me. ironically i will go look at images of the little men in my phone to distract myself

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actual-changeling · 1 year ago

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y'all wanna see a fun little parallel between the show and part 2? yes? good.

we all know joel's panic attack from the start of episode 6, and it also shows us that he tends to press his hand against his chest, probably rubbing small circles to encourage his lungs to open up so he can breathe.

well.

ellie does the exact same thing in part 2. several times, actually. every single time she has a panic attack, her hand goes to her chest and she does the same motion joel does in the show.

a little side by side just to really emphasize the pain because boy i sure as hell feel it.

#alex talks tlou #tlou #the last of us #joel and ellie #joel miller #ellie williams #tlou game #tlou parallels #tlou part 2 #im trying to distract myself from my own pain so hard i end up with tlou pain again #doing great friends #i could write a whole 40 page essay on the parallels between part 2 and season 1 alone let alone the first game

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fernzwing · 5 months ago

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I feel like I just woke up from a coma sorry for not posting anything guys. 2024 is not a very happy year

#im not actually just awoke i just havent got the coolest mental state ever lately #fernie rambles #i'll post art soon.. its been really hard to get myself to draw lately #like i got this super cool idea to draw on and then when i do i get distracted by doomscrolling and watching yt videos #i just got super bummed out because i rlly wanna meet this one friend n then turns out i have to be atleast 20 for the place im going to #they mean to me a lot so i'm using that day to go to a library that has warriors books thats near me #mental state is still not okay so im doing this thing where i practice twice or three times a week to draw something by myself #just to get that same motivation i used to have when i posted a lot of doodles in this account #so much shit happened and it just genuinely really killed my motivation to draw #i promise i'll try again dw #euugh sorry for the yappering #vent rant

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hybridkilljoys · 1 year ago

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I've been an absolute emotional wreck since last night due to my narcissist father making me feel less than human so can i..........ask for some reassurance that i'm not an absolute failure of a human being

or pictures of your cats, that would help a lot too

#its been months of dealing with his abuse and last night it left me feeling worse than ever and i am just #really exhausted and mentally broken rn #and i hate asking for reassurance because I always feel like a bother and I should just deal with shit myself until it passes #but when i say last night was bad it was bad and i feel like i am not even meant to be alive that is how that man made me feel #so i just wanna be selfish this one time #and ask for spare kindness because i could really use it right now because my feelings arent going away #no matter how hard im trying to distract myself today and i dont have the strenght to stay like this for a week or more #so yeah #gomen for rambling in the tags im just really #idfk embarrassed and ashamed i dont like asking for help i feel dumb even tho i know its not dumb but yeah #txt

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lottieurl · 7 months ago

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#im curious cause. ive had a migraine for 6 out of the last 9 days and i just cannot fcking read #to be fair i cant watch a movie or a show rly either #if i cant sleep or im bored at work and IN PAIN i just try to distract myself with mindless youtube entertainment #its just like... hard to focus?#cause its pain level that doesnt let me forget im IN PAIN so trying to escape into a fictional world just doesnt work

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hoshi-kawaii · 11 days ago

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#i know ive posted this before but im feeling it so hard right now #so sick of being nocturnal #i failed to push my sleep three days in a row #i woke up so frustrated after sleeping like shit #now im just alone trying to distract myself all fucking night AGAIN #i forgot how especially hard the nocturnal days get during SAD season #and it means im only awake during the coldest part of the day #i have so much brain fog i cant focus and im sick of tv but its my only friend #Spotify

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thebirdandhersong · 2 years ago

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hey will be off tumblr for the rest of the week - things are Happening again and my head feels ready to explode.........would really appreciate prayer again. I'm constantly feeling like I'm on the brink of something (I don't KNOW what) terrible and I need to figure things out without before my body really DOES decide to shut down from the stress and the strange depressive dread that has been very difficult to shake this month. I would like to not feel like crying or throwing up at certain points in the day and also would like to not be so exhausted in the heart and mind area so that I can actually deal with these things. Especially since finals are looming ahead

#wish i had my support network but what with all my friends being so busy #with school work engagements marriage pregnancies housing issues #and my priests both up to their ears in work and all my older sister figures #having issues and more important things to deal with and my family being one of the sources of high stress #i dont have anyone to talk to or go to at the moment #so i need to figure that out before i have another health crisis because my body's starting to give up on me #(again)#on top of that there needs to be planning in place for the summer and next fall and graduation #i just want to stick my head in the ground like an ostrich and stay there!!!! instead of wading through this mess during midterm season #and having to start finals the WEEK after midterms end #complaining again sorry #i am so tired and trying to be cheerful/distracting myself only lasts a few hours #im trying. i promise im trying. but the world seems rather bleak right now #and it is very hard not to feel so very alone #anyway i love you all and i'll see you soon

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siveine · 2 months ago

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i think im so nervous about finishing my contract because i wont know what to do with myself afterwards. like, sure theyve forgotten about me and nearly abandoned me, and im quite literally being used then thrown away, but after i get my discharge papers im going to be without purpose again and i dont know if i can do it a second time

#i dont want to stay in cause fuuuuuck that #if im gonna be a meat shield for corporate interest i might as well go private sector and get paid out the ass for it #but i know im not wanted in those spaces either simply due to being support crew rather than sf or infantry #forced into being a weapon then being expected to be normal #doesnt help that being transgender on top of that means that Nobody wants me around #im scared that im going to be broken and NHP forever even when ive earned my humanity back #i already feel like i never emotionally matured past high school #cause all ive ever known was being property of religious zealots and property of the government #i think i had a two year gap of being a person but otherwise ive just been trying to survive and it shows #at this point the best i can hope for is to distract myself until i keel over from the abuse ive let my body take #which i guess isnt the absolute worst thing ever #like between working with a carcinogen and spilling jp8 on myself and the malnutrition and heavy metal exposure and multiple deaths lol #theres no way im going to be able to grow old #and its going to be painful and slow the whole way down #a part of me wishes that drone turned me into paste #being the lucky survivor is worse i think #im useless and unwanted and that kinda blows?#trying so hard to cling to life but im tired of surviving. i want to live. but im not allowed to #maybe things will improve once my contract expires and i get to have a real name again #i thought these antidepressants were supposed to make me feel better why arent they working

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clits-and-clips · 8 months ago

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