#no matter how hard im trying to distract myself today and i dont have the strenght to stay like this for a week or more

[hybridkilljoys]

I've been an absolute emotional wreck since last night due to my narcissist father making me feel less than human so can i..........ask for some reassurance that i'm not an absolute failure of a human being

or pictures of your cats, that would help a lot too

[phagodyke]

was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍

[quasieli]

Guess it's just gonna be another day of getting pissed off and upset by things my father has said to me 🙃🙃

[juni-ravenhall]

first off thank you for the kind comments on my post. i dont have energy to go there and reply. it sadly also doesnt change anything for me, which is not to say it doesnt matter, i did go back and read those comments maybe 20 times while crying my eyes out during the time i was at the hospital. but feeling loved by friends and strangers doesnt cure me (which i hope is understandable) so all i can say is thank you even if it doesnt make me less suicidal.

im at parents place as of now instead of psych ward, not because i feel any better (on the scale of 0-10 "can i survive this or do i kill myself", ive been at 0.01 every past day since friday, before friday i had been at 0.1 for months, right now maybe im at 0.02) but because i cannot get any help from the psych and it felt meaningless to stay. if its just to get cooked food handed to me, i could equally be at my parents house, despite that i have strained relations with them due to how they abused and traumatised me and my siblings and are still messy today even if more mellowed.

a healthcare worker will visit either tomorrow or monday to check on me and see if they want to push me to come back to being at the hospital. the place i was, was the kind of place where you cant have any strings in your room bc you could kill yourself, so they took my pants and shoes when arriving.

not sure what else to say. at parents house, still suicidal bc life is meaningless but im pushing myself to keep trying as long as i can. ive already been fighting this since 2017 (the first time i became suicidal, a switch flipped during a time of additional abuse on top of the regular abuse and i realised no amount of my endless optimism and effort could change the hell i am in) and im exhausted of trying.

i doubt i will go on sso bc its triggering. if i regain any sort of ability to focus on doing anything, i might start working on my own games again, bc thats a place where its only me and im free from everyone else. however, i have no motivation to do anything, which is why i want to die. i have no motivation to get up in the morning. i have no motivation to eat, i want to spit out food and couldnt swallow. i dont feel happiness in doing things that other people feel. i dont feel happiness interacting with friends - i feel a passive sort of happiness but not the deep, true joy and distraction from the pain that im supposed to feel. therefore its also hard to say i would be able to create things if i feel nothing and apathetic (i already largely felt this since 2017, which is why i havent been making much, but now its even worse).

if anyone read this far and you are interested in me or care about me a lot, feel free to reach out in dms and talk. now is the time. im not saying that because it will change anything for me, its highly unlikely to have any concrete effect on me at all. i say it more for your sake if you have things you wanted to tell me or if you wanted to know me better. this is that time. i cant promise what will happen after this. but if i feel as i feel right now, i will keep trying to log on here and there while i otherwise mostly cry and stare at the ceiling (again, unless i become able to start doing anything more interesting, which i cant tell if i will).

i will also try (no promise but try) to go back to the hospital if i become actively suicidal again as i was friday, bc juni (my inner bigger sister) is a stubborn fool and is trying really hard to keep me alive.

[chaotically-coz]

Entry #1, sep 11 2024.

Dear diary,

Yeah.. i dont really know what im trying to do here, but i suck at venting so i guess this is a better way for me to actually say stuff.

Saying ‘dear diary’ sounds kinda weird tbh, im probably gonna come up with a new name or something, idk

Uhh… today hasnt exactly been the best, it wasn’t the worst either.

I woke up late and ended up being like- 40 minutes late to school. I dont feel like being yelled at by my teacher, especially considering the fact ive already been late several times, and its only the first day!

Anyways, i pulled the ‘i threw up’ card and managed to skip… i know i shouldnt have. I shouldnt have faked my way out of school.. i dont know why but i just cant go back to seeing that look of disappointment.

We’re only about 5 days into school and i already feel like im disappointing everybody i know. Irl friends have noticed ive seemed different in school.. i just feel so out if it lately. Almost like im.. not really there? Like im moving in third person. Like a part of me just feels.. empty. Im trying, i really am!

I think one of my closest friends saw my scars the other day… thats not good. I know she saw them, i pulled my arm away and we never discussed it but still,,

A lot of my other friends have been distant.. one of them i have like, no classes with. The other one moved away.. i have most of my classes with the same people, i guess seeing the same people over and over is getting tiring.

I can feel myself falling behind in subjects, but im seriously trying!! I cant help but zone out- or get distracted. I cant pick up the teaching or understand ni matter how hard i try. Ive suspected i had ADHD for a while, pretty sure my friends have too. Im too terrified to ask my mom for a proper diagnosis, and i dont want to self diagnose myself, so i guess ill just wait untill everybody stops thinking im stupid and actually suspect things.

Aaaaanyways, i didnt do much today aside from staying home. I watched tv most of the day, which i know is lazy but like… my chromebook charger is broken so i cant really do much else. I could go outside or take a walk. I know i need to practice for cheer and dance.

I did my brothers hair today, that was really funny, we screamed the lyrics to stupid songs.

The thought, “am i forgettable?” Has been playing through my mind alot. Like.. i know that im chaotic and an arsonist and whatever but.. what else?

Is that really all there is to me? What am i really like? Do people view me how i view myself? I guess I’ll never really know the true answers.

I just.. i feel so forgettable. Like.. if i dissapeared.. nobody would notice. I just.. idk.

I dont feel like myself. I wanna feel normal.. i dont care if ‘normal’ meant a being of chaos and destruction, and pretty mentally ill.. atleast i felt like a person. I’d rather feel like that than feel so empty.. i dont like this.

Ive gained weight.. talking abt stuff like this on the internet is kinda eughhhh but still. I feel like i need to vomit every time i eat.. or just stop eating.. i dont feel comfortable in my body anymore.

I’m trying to stop venting so much, i feel like im beginning to do it too much, and people are getting tired of me.

Drama club starts on friday!! Im pretty excited for that. I cant wait to get back into theater.

Uhhhh yeah! Theres a bunch more but idk how much i can fit into one entry, its pretty late so im probably sleeping soon. I guess thats it!

Entry completed

[chiccherrysblog]

Day 16? Of making life more interesting-

I read somewhere that writing five hundred or more words it can really benefit you if you want a career in writing. So far it really hasn't been that bad. I mean I know im not so good with actually posting on here but im trying and I've still been writing but there is just something more satisfying about writing on paper. The way it feels with the pen on it you know? It just satisfies my brain in ways I no longer understand. Anyway, I just watched the proposal with Sandra bullock and Ryan Reynolds. Since watching it I have noticed the fact that it is just a common theme for editors to fall in love with their assistants. I mean look at mirandy. It's basically a straight version of them. Also watching Sandra bullock climb down a ladder in stilettos has given me a higher respect for her. I mean I already respected her for participating in the masterpiece that is oceans eight, but now it has dramatically increased.

Also, I've just realised how much I actually have to save in order to even have enough money for a plane ticket to view apartments in New york, including the possibility of having roomates. I say plural due to the amount of time I've spent in an evening watching friends and reading the devil wears prada. Honestly would not complain with either option. After sharing a room with my sister for quite a few years now, I'm guessing I could survive living with random strangers who could either be the nicest people on the planet or make me want to tear my own hair out. It shouldn't be that hard. Right? Maybe? I dont know. As long as I can invest in some good headphones and WiFi it should mean I can still work my way to the top without seriously considering living in a random hotel somewhere. If miranda could do it, so can I. I hope. I mean I know i can do all the academic stuff but I seriously need to work on my people skills. And being able to tolerate random small noises. And certain people. And coffee being made differently to how i make it. It shouldn't be that hard. I mean I should get to the bit where I can just sort of zone out all of the potentially irritating and distracting and not completely necessary noises. I can still get my pulitzer prize after becoming a US citizen which is harder than I thought it was and oh my god if I keep writing about this I'm pretty sure I may have yet another not even at quarter life crisis. So um...today was okay other than the crisis and migraine that doesn't seem to want to leave no matter how many of those stupid painkillers I take. My new years resolution doesn't seem to have worked as I find myself drinking more coffee than when the year started.

[taromilksnake]

8:52pm not a bad day all together

though the weekend kind of blurred together

changes / stressors (for better and for worse):

moved apartments and not feeling at ease until the house feels like me, having to make executive decisions on taste and aesthetics, not to mention coordinating moving stuff and deciding if the price is worth it, if i’m “settling” etc (on the forefront: bed, bedframe, curtains, couch, table, rug)

having not sold/donated stuff i don’t need anymore, like the bedframe and other stuff. my sewing machine weighs heavy on me, and not having much to do at home beyond eat and sleep (because my art stuff is all put away) i think is also not helping

experiencing loneliness in a slightly new way, now that anthony is part of my life. its really nice, its honestly "successful" at a pace beyond what i even imagined, and maybe that is part of what unsettles me. when you suddenly reach your dreams, you dont know how to live them…

more seriously considering therapy means its no longer just a hypothetical, but also something that is actionable and therefore a directive. that one comic about being bombarded by “i should…” sure is right, though i’ve gotten a lot better about it

creeping on the horizon — adhd diagnosis, medication, top surgery. i want to have my supports already without having to go through that process. lito is a model at least. the adhd piece is it’s own can of worms, as in the fear of being disbelieved, uncertainty myself, being too good at masking to be helped, etc

dental care, and navigating health insurance in general (re: HRT, top surgery, therapy, adhd diagnosis and medication, dentist visits for cavities)

lonely lonely time!! disconnected from friends, i can hit up lanchi, or even dean, but i don’t know how. or, i’m afraid to. lito and teresa are also there too, though the lack of consistency is a little intimidating and disheartening. 2 way street for everyone, so i guess it’s ok either way. it would be a good idea to just do it when you want, never mind trying to make a habit of it. you can just do it and then stop

relatedly, seeing maggie and mariam and kelly on their various vacations and activities with their family and friends just make me feel like im behind in life. anthony too, more so for him b/c it’s like, confirmed that he has so, so many friends. it’s a common feeling i know, and dave and sherry and julia are right there with me, but it still is not easy. the insecurity of being unneeded is also tough, though i try not to dwell on that

not being so solution-oriented in general? which is tricky, because it can turn recursive real fast. how do i find the solution to the problem of me being too solution-oriented? 😵‍💫 it’s kinda silly, but it’s not fun or funny. mediating and letting myself feel and think whatever i do is hard, i’m realizing this now. i keep wanting to run away, into media, into distractions, into romance and intimacy and sex, all of which makes me feel bad and ashamed

as an aside, being able to sit in the bath whenever i want is nice. this is the second time now today

overall, i think i’m on the cusp of life becoming a lot, lot better. thinking it as a possibility is hard, because realizing i have to make it happen is hard. work feels strange and confusing and hard, probably because i’m getting more clarity and so becoming more aware of my incompetencies (and experiencing some paralysis because of that).

there’s been a lot of change in my life, and lanchis wedding feels like a lifetime ago. thinking of that though, i remember us in high school talking about all living around LA area, and visiting and keeping in touch…it can still happen. anthony can meet lanchi and dean, even. i want to remember that everything mattered because everything lead me to here, and here will only lead me to a better and happier life, too. a part of me feels it, no matter what happens. teaching will get easier too, there’s lots of examples of that. don’t forget that i love you and i’m rooting for you, always always always. things will turn up soon enough, and you will have a wonderful house to live in and you will host your friends and everyone will have a great time. just be patient with yourself and take your time. today you had fun out in the grass, and you were brave and took the plunge to get your work done too. be proud of that. once you think it, it will eventually happen, so don’t worry too much about it as everything will work out. go relax and have fun, do things on impulse :)

[fieldspaintedgold]

journal entry 8000000000

I don't know if it's my hormones, bc I did my shot this morning and am for some reason bleeding, or if its because this is the first day off I've had entirely alone, or if its mental illness or what.

I just needed to fucking write and writing in the physical journal makes my hand hurt and takes so long that i end up overthinking things. I'm not even overthinking right now, im just so sad?

I've been doing chores all day. Went to the office to figure some shit out. I've been fine all day, i've been fine for a while now except for small cry sessions here and there obviously.

I realized about ten minutes ago for the first time in my life without someone having to tell me that I'm going through terrible depression. Literally nothing sounds interesting to me, idk if its just now or if its been like that for a long time. Maybe that's why I'm so codependent, bc literally nothing is interesting to me unless it is to someone else. Thats fucking terrible. I dont know who the fuck i am because of codependent depression.

I try to keep myself busy but thats all it is is keeping busy, distracting myself from the weight of not knowing what the fuck to do with myself while im alone. tv isnt interesting at all and it doesnt help that i have the actual attention span of a pine nut recently. I made legos the other night and it was fun-ish and i like the outcome but i havent finished them bc im just not interested. I have no drive to create anything.

I've been trying to look for things to make my apartment reflect who i feel like i am way deep inside. I look around my apartment and i wonder who lives there, because I dont feel like I should be the one that does. I feel like its all wrong. I listen to the music ive always listened to and it feels wrong. everything just feels wrong and i dont know how much better i could describe it.

I feel so lost.

I'm trying so fucking hard. I'm trying to get back to myself and remember who I am but i dont think ive genuinely ever in my life known who i am and trying to figure that out is terrifying. not scary in a sense that i dont want to, but scary in a sense that like how the fuck have i never known?

everyone keeps telling me to find a hobby. thats great. but i cant find joy in literally anything no matter how hard i try. i dont enjoy being in my apartment like i thought i would after a month. i know. give it time. but how much time is it going to take? as long as it takes. that sucks.

i just want to feel at least the same sense of whatever normal was before. not in a "my life is the exact same" kind of way, but like i had control of my life. like i knew what was going on and was at peace with things. good, at least.

I feel like im just pretending. Maybe i am just pretending. but i want to not have to do that. i want to actually mean it when i say "im good, how're you?". I want to not feel like the only thing that works inside of me is my heart, because its all i can feel. constantly. it has highs, when i feel love, and it has lows, when i feel the absence. but thats all im feeling. otherwise i'm completely hollow, like im an outline of a person and thats all there is to me. like people can see and pass right through me without a thought. like im just existing in this apartment with no real purpose or meaning. and i think im experiencing depression for real for the first time, which is silly because i've been depressed since i was 12. this is the first time ive really felt it and not had someone to tell me to force myself out of it.

im trying to force myself out of it though. because i dont know what else to do, all i do is sit here and distract and feel and maybe go to a friends house or my sisters to distract some more bc i have to pretend like i'm okay in front of other people, even those i love.

i really need my health insurance to start so i can go to therapy. i need someone to help because today has felt helpless, today has felt like i cant fucking do this, today has felt like i dont even know if i want to. i'm not gonna do anything stupid bc i'm terrified of death but this feeling is so overwhelming and i'm so tired.

and i feel like i cant tell anyone that im feeling like this because the person that makes me feel safe that i want to talk to about it wants me to learn to fix things for myself and i dont want other people to worry and i dont want to go back to springwoods. i cant go back there.

I've always said "its getting bad again" to signify that I'm starting to feel like 2016 again. but i think its bad again already. i dont feel good.

[meplusuhoney]

ok so, to help clarify and explain everything thats happened to me last month,

on june 26th i started to feel this very weird buzzing feeling in the back of my head and it was so weird that i just knew it wasnt going to go away on its own. it kept getting worse and became a headache and five days later i went to go see my doctor. the first time i went i told him how i felt honestly and he brushed me off, and requested a follow up appointment.

the follow up appointment was on wednesday, but wednesday was a holiday (july 4th) so nothing was open and i had to call again to reschedule. and at this point my headache was nonstop pounding so i was understandably very worried. i called for friday and i showed up on time on friday and there wasnt a single doctor at the clinic because of an emergency of some kind. on the follow up appointment that he requested, on the hottest day of the week when i was the most anxious there wasnt a SINGLE doctor at the clinic to help me. the staff told me if im that worried i could go to the er so thats what i did.

the next day on that saturday i went to the er and no one there really took me seriously when i explained my symptoms. i told the doctor honestly how i felt and no one took me that seriously. she diagnosed me with a tension headache and prescribed ibuprofen and something else and i went home not feeling any better.

the following monday i did go to the follow up he requested and he was actually there, i honestly told him about my symptoms and concerns and he said the same exact thing. “you have a headache and it will go away” prescribed me ibuprofen and i left not feeling any better again

the er doctor gave me a number to call the department of neurology if i was that worried about it, and i told me my mom to call it a week ago. she called everyday for like 5 days and never got through to anyone they kept telling her to wait and never pick back up. she said they called her back once and told her to wait, put her on hold and never call back again so

i took the medicine as instructed for like 2 weeks maybe and it didnt do anything, literally nothing. there was still this throbbing pressure at the back of my head when i took the medicine. as i write this now there is still the throbbing pressure in the back of my head. ever since june 26th my head hasnt felt normal.

now today i was feeling the back of my head and now theres a lump at the back of my head. this weird, hard lump on the left bottom side of my head where the throbbing pressure is. a big fucking lump !!!

this week on tuesday i had an appointment with my pcp and requested to see a neurologist and he told me that my clinic will call me when the appointment is made. 3 days later today i called again asking for it and they told me to wait another week for it.

? what else am i supposed to do here? no one took me seriously when i told them my symptoms. my mother, the hospital, the clinic all just brushed me off entirely and now its gotten worse. its not going to go away by itself, and im trying my damn hardest to just be taken seriously by anyone and its not working. the only option i have left is to distract myself from worrying about it until i can see a neurologist and hopefully get a mri scan but im seriously not expecting anyone to help me. this is only going to continue to become more painful and more of an awful situation for me and it doesnt matter if i try to help myself or not because people just dont fucking care about how i feel

[raincamp]

11 07 2023

sh mention trigger warning

my depression has been really bad recently. at least i think its depression? i mean im diagnosed with PDD but its hard to tell most of the time. since its persistent. i dont know what its like to not be depressed. and when it gets worse i never know if im just sick or dehydrated or if its a bad episode, or if its caused by any of my other mental issues.

last night sucked. i dont know how else to describe it except that i felt like the world was ending. not in an anxious panic-attack-y way though, i just like, felt so much emotion that my body physically couldn't handle it. like i felt intense dread, and i felt like i was going to throw up. actually maybe it was a panic attack. weirdest panic attack ive ever had if it was.

anyway during the episode i sat on the bathroom floor and turned on music. and cut myself. thats usually how i know I'm having an episode. its hard to tell otherwise because i invalidate my emotions so much, and with my emotional permanence, its like every emotion i feel is the only thing i ever felt, so i dont really have comparison, except when it comes to physical tangible things.

physical tangible things like laying on the cold tile listening to wild world by cat stevens and feeling tears run down my face and my throat hoarse and blood dripping down my arm to stain my floor.

after patching myself up i didnt really know what to do, i told myself i would get up and do something but the minute i layed down on my bed exhaustion overtook me.

so i texted my roommate asking for help. she was still at work but i asked her to "give me emotional support in whatever way she could handle offering it" and i also said "its completely valid if you dont have the emotional capacity for me"

i have a lot of fear of burdening other people, which is why i used to not ask for help, but in therapy i learned that its ok to ask for other people to meet our needs, and so on the rare occasion that i do i usually leave ample space for the other person to say no. i dont want to force them into anything.

when she got home from work she made me tea and let me talk to her for a whole hour. immediately i felt better and went to bed with no problems. i was even able to abstain from drinking and smoking before bed :) i dont fucking deserve her

anyway, i woke up today feeling the same as i did yesterday. exhausted, lethargic, apathetic. i want nothing more than to lose myself in hobbies i enjoy, or accomplish something, but I can't. i tried yesterday, i would get out of bed, get dressed, and prepare myself to be productive, but the moment i started a task exhaustion would come over me again and i would find myself back in bed.

i wish i could sleep, because it feels like thats what my body needs, but no matter how much i try, i cant. ive been making it a point to eat and stay hydrated, but thats not helping, so the only thing i can suppose it is, is depression.

i hate that i cant even distract myself. scrolling mindlessly on my phone is boring, watching tv or youtube is boring, listening to music is boring, reading fic is boring, i even tried hanging out with my other roommate for an hour and i couldn't do anything but lay there.

i tried setting up an appointment with a psychiatrist so i can go back on antidepressants but the website wont let me make an account or appointment with anyone because it keeps starting over/refreshing the account making process every ten minutes. and i dont have the patience to sit through that.

i hate feeling like this, but i really cant do anything but try to keep myself alive. right now.

- andrew

[ofalltheginjoints]

.

[sunnysidestories]

Raven X GN!Reader where they go to their thursday book date club day together.

Keys

F/B - Favorite Book

"Raven? Are you in here" I speak to the familiar door knocking. Today was Thursday and since I had come to join the Teen Titans it had become my favorite day of the week, the day I would get some peace and quiet and get to hang out with her.

Raven

As she opened the door I could clearly tell she was excited from the faintest way only the trained eye would understand, as she spoke her tone lifted ever so slightly at the mention of my name "hey Y/N " "hey" I sigh relieved looking down at her waist where she held the copy of the current book we were reading. F/B

The air was cool and crisp as we sat at the edge of the Tower reminding me winter was to come soon. I throw my legs over the side and Raven floated an inch or two from the ground to the right of me. She looked weridly comfortable her eyes already scanning the old hardback. I crack open my own pages right to the saved where I left off, today we both agreed on going farther atleast 250 pages.

So much so little time. The rest of the Titans would be back soon, then the Tower would become loud and active, which isn't a bad thing, I love my team members but when that's every single day its not the best for my mental health. Almost never a momment of silence with Thursdays being the only day of peace, Im lucky I get to spend it with someone I considered close.

Guarding the Tower is my favorite activity, basically being just a vacation day. I dont know why Raven chose me to be the one in a secret bookclub, but im honored she chose me. I know she has a hard time opening up to others and im shocked she even let me hang out with her, not because I see her as rude but because I saw her as someone who doesn't have time for others not letting herself get attached so her emotions were always in control. Like a very sad side affect of her powers is an explanation on may believe my myself seeing her that way for a long time.

But I know better now, I pause as I finsh my paragraph looking up towards her hovering figure, admiring her every move. Raven was someone to look up too but she has her own 'flaws' she's human after all as they say, but no matter how hard she tried to hide them im sometimes remind we aren't so different. I find myself thinking of the first time I heard her laugh.

It was the first time I had a one on one with Robin and it did not go as planned I kept trying to distract him by saying some one liners I practiced in my mirror the night before (that were supposed to be saved for when we would fight the hive again, AND were brilliantly crafted I might add) when I tried flipping forward to kick him thinking he wasn't paying attention, that was a mistake he straight up grabbed my leg mid jump throwing me off causing me to fall straight on my face breaking my nose. I then made a noise I didn't even think was humanely possible.

Thats when I heard it her eyes met mine, her face was slightly pink a large contrast to her pale skin her shoulders bobbing up and down making her dark hair dance around her features the brightest smile accompanying the look as her voice sang for only a momment as she realized what she had done. Even if I tried I will never forget that momment not only because everyone rubbed it in my face but because it made the pain in my nose not as bad as it was before.

"Lost in thought?" Raven asked not taking her eyes off the pages. "Yeah " smiling I reply " Rae I'm glad we get to spend this time together even if it isn't the most exciting Im having fun on our date."

"Date?"

"IMEANLIKEOURUHBOOKCLUBDAYYOU COULDCALLITADATETHOUGHBASICLLYITSTHESAMETHINGYEAHUMYOUKNOW??"

"Sure"

REQUEST ARE OPEN !!

I hope you enjoyed this was for my friends who are so into Raven its sad but I love them so its okay.

Sorry if there is spelling mistakes I reread it 7 times but somethings probably slipped past.

Hope you guys have a great rest of your day! Thanks for reading

~ Sunny

[ihatebnha]

With the beauty stuff going on here- think Bakugo and Shoto (maybe Shinso?) would comfort their s/o in regards to not entering certain clothing stores? I can't go into a lot of them because all/the majority of their clothes are for skinny/petite women and I can't fit into it. Plus, with all the good looking girls who work in those stores I can't help but compare myself and see the trash I am. Sometimes I get physically sick if I walk into the stores because its so overwhelming. Sigh. Wish those boys would be a comfort, but they'd probably just be awkward or break up wif me. Especially explody boy.

Legend... the only thing that’s trash here is your garbage attitude! I wanna let you know that I’m on the tubbier side, too... so when you say you’re trash, you’re calling me trash, too... and I honestly don’t like that nor do I agree... (and trust me, I hate fitting rooms too... why do you think i only wear pajamas all the time?)

because the truth is...YOU’RE NOT! You just live in a world that favors conventionally attractive and skinny people over everyone else. Obviously it isn’t bad to be either of those things, but we all have a duty to work hard at rewiring our brains to reevaluate society’s sense of beauty (esp since its very eurocentric, too). 

it’s also funny you sent me this because I honestly believe that all the boys in bnha like chubby girls (but ofc they don’t discriminate)! im very genuine when i say that EVERYONE is their ideal type, and i could honestly talk for hours about how they’re too busy being heroes to give a crap about petty things such as looks and weight. 

the truth is, “real men” (and real partners, for that matter) don’t care if you’re heavy, have beauty marks, anything, so therefore... the bnha boys dont mind those things, either. 

plus lmfao... todo, bakugo, and shinso are all actually in my top list of chubby chasers soooo (although im biased and think every character is on that list tbh)... 

none of them would break up with you for your insecurities! They of all people understand what it’s like to be ashamed of things (as Bakugo faces feelings of inferiority, Shinso has his quirk, and Todo’s family is bananas), so they would only want to comfort you if you ever expressed your concerns. 

Not to mention, they all seem like the type to be in a relationship for the long haul... So if they’re already dating you, it means they’re in it FOR LIFE🤞🏻

Which is why, none of what you do could ever bother them... and as for comforting... 

I don’t think either Bakugo, Todo, or Shinso are really going to notice if you don’t want to or can’t go into certain clothing stores. They’re heroes (and boys for that matter💀) with a lot on their mind, so if you mention you don’t like shopping somewhere, they’re just going to assume that you either don’t feel like it or it’s not your style. 

Their heads don’t really connect your insecurities with your shopping preferences, simply because they assume you already know what you like to wear and where you like to shop.

In Shinso’s case, while I can see him picking up on some of your subtleties, such as avoiding certain stores and/or sections, he’s probably not really going to think it’s a serious issue or bring up the topic unless you initiate the conversation yourself, mostly because he (doesn’t want to be at the mall) assumes you already know that he likes your body and really doesn’t care what you wear. 

That being said, when you are in fitting rooms together, he gets pretty handsy even before you start getting frustrated by things. Definitely distracts you from doing anything by whistling at you or grabbing at your thighs and pulling you between his legs from where he sits on the tiny stool they’ve provided... Also probably puts in some effort beforehand too, helping you pick out things that he likes and are more likely to fit in the first place.  

Bakugo is pretty similar to this, as well. With his parents working in the design industry, he definitely has a good eye for sizing and can help you pick out the most accurate things for your body type. He’s actually really useful because you can hold up anything, and he’ll generally have a pretty good idea on whether the style will suit you or not, and if it’s in the right size. This makes trying things on a bit more bearable, as you honestly end up fitting everything you bring into the changing room. 

He’s also good to shop with because he’s probably not gonna let you go to any shitty clothing stores either... So wherever you end up going is probably gonna have better stuff that’s in every size, anyway (it’s literally like 2200 and people have quirks... you can’t tell me stores would have things for literally every shape). The nice thing about this too is that everything you end up getting is super comfortable for that exact reason. 

Definitely can stay pretty serious in the dressing rooms... but you have to be careful because the moment you guys get home he’s gonna be horn-nee. 

Todoroki, on the other side of all of this, is literally motherfucking useless. It’s not that he doesn’t want to be comforting, it’s just he really just doesn’t put the puzzle pieces of your insecurity together AND thinks you look good in everything, regardless... so even if you tried to explain why you hate shopping, he’s just like “but everyone has things they don’t fit?” 

HOWEVER..... the redeeming quality about him is.... HE IS RICH!!! And probably grew up with a tailor, and/or at least a family stylist, so once you’re in with him, he just adds you onto the bill for that, too. Say goodbye shopping, hello to having clothing that fits you shipped right to your door... (and Todo just loves staring at you while you get measured for outfits). 

SO.... sorry for my earlier harshness... it’s just because I love and care about you sooooo much!! as well as understand what it’s like to feel like a freak in forever 21... 

ANYWAY... here’s just some little things I wanted to include, too! 

-

I used to think that Bakugo wouldn’t have a preference for thick girls, but then I saw this tik tok that was like, “my attractive friends always ask me where all the hot and fit boys are.... in these guts bitch” and my perspective changed entirely... I just know a beefy boy like him who has a mean mommy LOVES curves... like you can’t tell me he doesn’t see your belly and absolutely melts... like that shit is straight FAXXXXXXXXXXX no printer... (i also saw a tik tok today that was like, “would you fuck me if i was skinny? and the person said “i would fuck you right now.” and tbh that’s big baku energy LOL) 

Todoroki also definitely gives me vibes where if you’re like, “but i look ugly in ____,” he’s just like, “doesn’t matter, it’s you.” AND YES TBH i cried

AND shinso... god tbh shinso is the guy that all your friends are jealous of bc he’s the one who’s like, “I like my women with meat on them” because he doesn’t believe in skinny culture or diets... he wants you chubby bc chubby just kinda looks more correct.... tbh king shit

[fairycosmos]

Hi fairycosmos,

I really don’t want to bother you but I feel like you’re the only person I know (and I don’t even know you) who might be able to relate.

Today my sister would’ve turned 21, if we hadn’t lost her to cancer. I don’t know how to deal with my grief on her birthday, because it gets so overwhelming and suffocating and usually I just try to switch everything off by doing my uni work and switching off my mind as best as possible. I listened to Taylor Swift’s album Red, thinking music might distract me. But there is one line that goes “it’s supposed to be fun, turning 21” and I just got pulled under these waves of grief, it feels like I’m drowning. I can’t talk to my family about this, and again I’m really sorry for being a bother, I just felt the need to let somebody who might be able to understand know. I’m sorry you lost your sister, I’m sorry for the both of us and I’m sorry for our sister. Life is so cruel

god i am so so sorry to hear this :( i genuinely feel like words will never be able to do it justice, it’s the cruelest and most inexplicably fucking evil thing ever how ppl are taken from us so quickly and so soon. im so sorry, i can’t fathom your specific situation. sometimes attempts at comfort can feel like rubbing salt in the wound and i would really hate if this came across like that. so i just want to tell you that i really do understand (to an extent) and you do not have to sit in this pain alone. the waves of grief are inevitable, and horrible. quite literally the worst aspect of being a person, and nobody truly gets it until they find themselves in that situation too. but it’s ok to allow the emotion to wash over you, especially on days like today. it feels like the world is ending every single time, and you know you’ll get another tsunami of that same feeling tomorrow, and all you can do is accept it. you drown, float to the surface, you drown, float to the surface. i completely get how tiring and helpless it can feel. how utterly devastating, how fucking enraging. but talk to your sister. keep her around and celebrate her birthday even just within your own heart and mind. it was my sisters recently too, she would’ve been 24, and the whole day i was just drunk and on autopilot. i think it would’ve felt a little less suffocating in the long run if i had allowed myself to confront it even for a few minutes, no matter how hard those few minutes would’ve been. so i think you should do the same, whatever that means to you. if you want to talk about her, write about her, reminisce over better times, look at her photos. it won’t feel good obviously, in fact it feels like fucking hell to me personally, even worse than numbing it. but i think it’s the only way. that lyric reminds you of her because so much of her is still around, and it’s a heartbreaking thing, but she is. im sure your sister was just the most wonderful person, i can’t even comprehend how young she was in this context. you both deserved so much better, im so sorry. the complexities of the bond you had with her are something i’ll never understand, obviously only you knew her in that specific way. but im sure she knows you love her so immensely, and of course that love and connection is still just as real as it ever was. i try my absolute hardest to think that my sister and i still have a relationship even though she’s not here, and special occasions such as birthdays can be a really good way to honour that. i couldn’t do it on her last birthday, i was just so out of my mind. but maybe next time. and maybe you can this time. just cry as much as you need, do whatever it takes to get from hour to hour. moment to moment even. scream, dont talk. distract yourself, or stay in bed all day. whatever you need, it’s ok. i understand that literally nothing compares to having her physically here, and there’s no way around that. it’s like a fucking nightmare, all the time. but she is such a giant part of you and everyone around you, regardless. and she absolutely always will be. i really really hope that the rest of the day doesn’t give you too much trouble, but whatever happens, it’s alright. there’s no wrong way to grieve and just surviving days like this is such a monumental achievement. again, i am so so sorry. im keeping your sister in my thoughts, and you too. i feel like she was such a light. im so sorry. sending you the biggest hug ever. please take care of yourself, especially today. if you need something to focus on, just focus on that. getting enough rest, eating enough, getting comfortable and clean. one step at a time x

[shoutosteakettle]

AHHH IVE BEEN WAITING TO ASK SOMEONE IF THEY COULD DO A KATSUKI X FEM! READER WHERE HE IS CHECKING HER OUT DURING CLASS (LIKE HE USUALLY DOES) WITHOUT HER KNOWING BUT EITHER SOMEONE POINTS IT OUT OR HE JUST DIDNT NOTCIE SHE CAUGHT HIM (IDK YOU CAN DECIDE HOW HE VETS CAUGHT) BUT EITHER WAY HE GETS CAUGHT 🅱️ruh moment.... TYSM AND YOU DONT HAVE TO DO THIS IF YOU DONT WANT TO!! IM STILL HONORED YOU READ IT 😤🤧

word count: 1037

key: ☆

a/n: THERE IS LITERALLY NO REASON YOU SHOULD BE HONORED BY ME JUST READING YOUR REQUEST. I’M JUST A NERD WRITING FANFICS ABOUT ANIME BOYS. but thank you so much for requesting and being amazing! i hope to see you requesting again 💕✨⛄️

For some reason, Bakugou found it particularly hard to focus during class today.

Hell, who was he kidding? He knew exactly why he couldn’t concentrate, and it was your fault. Why did you have to miss-button your shirt this morning, and why hadn’t anyone let you know?

While Aizawa was busy going over this week’s upcoming events, Katsuki’s eyes were focused hard on your breast, not even bothering to pretend like he was paying attention. He swore he could fall in love with you all over again just at the sight of them. Bakugou’s eyes traced over the hem of the exposed parts of your light blue polka-dotted bar, committing every visible stitch to memory.

His eyes followed the curve in your breast, watching every slight bounce caused by your sudden movements. He often wondered what they looked like underneath the prison they were confined to, were they just as round perky as he dreamed they were?

Bakugou shifted in his seat, trying to get comfortable, but his growing erection prevented that happening. Trying his best to stall his hard-on Katsuki redirected his attention from your boobs. He noticed the smeared mascara and wondered what had you in such a rush this morning. It was unlike you to look this un-put together.

Not that it mattered, Katsuki would drool over you no matter what. Just woke up - your bedhead is adorable. Gross from training - he wonders how your sweat tastes. In the midst of burning down the dorm - wow, you look so cute when your hair is on fire.

Katsuki was so caught up in his thoughts he didn’t hear when Aizawa called his name, and a soft pat on the shoulder from Deku wasn’t enough to distract him from his distraction. So gathering all of his confidence, Deku gave Bakugou a slightly harder tap on his head this time, like gently petting an angry pomeranian.

“Oi, what the fuck!” Bakugou snapped at the terrified male behind him, causing Izuku to go green - well greener than he usually is. “Don’t mind, Midoriya. He and the rest of the class, myself included, were just wondering what has you so infatuated with Y/n.” Your teacher asked, causing an undeniable blush to form across the bridge of Katsuki’s nose, quickly spreading to his cheeks.

“Maybe you should consider minding you your own damn business!” Bakugou retorts.

“Awww dude. Can’t you see, Bakugou has a crush on her!” Kirishima teased while simultaneously stating the obvious.

“On her! Please, I’d set my sights higher than someone who can’t even button their fucking shirt right!” He scoffs.

You glance down, seeing that your blouse is indeed buttoned incorrectly, exposing your light blue bra to the world, causing you to turn a deeper shade of pink before turning away from the class to fix your mistake.

Wait.

Did Kirishima just say that Bakugou Katsuki was crushing on you?

Your crush...had a crush on you?

It took a minute for the class to rile down after Kirishima’s outburst. Bakugou fixed his eyes on your teacher, half-listening while he continued to let his fantasies play out in his head. Meaning now it was your turn to stare. Your eyes didn’t leave his, trying to make sense of everything that just happened.

It was kind of obvious. You noticed the way he would stare at you during class, how he always managed to be right outside the bathroom when you finished your showers, and how he would basically devour you with his eyes during lunchtime. Maybe today would be the day you finally confronted him about all of it and asked him on a date.

-

“Remember tomorrow we meet at Ground Beta, so you can skip coming to the classroom,” Mr. Aizawa announced to the class waiting for everyone to exit the class so he could do the same.

You rushed to gather your things so you could catch up with Katsuki before he got to the dorms, knowing that you wouldn’t get another chance to talk to him today. He had a ridiculous habit of shutting himself in his room until dinner and going sleep straight after. After a full-on jog through the halls of U.A., you finally caught up with him, prompting Bakugou to pause his conversation with Kirishima and Kaminari.

“Hey, Katsu! I really like you too, and I was wondering if you wanted to maybe go out on a date with me?” You asked through pants, resting your hands on his chiseled chest.

“See, Bro, I told you she liked you back!” Kirishima gushed, causing you to snap your head towards him. You hadn’t noticed that he was with his friends. You wanted this to be a moment between just the two of you. Not to mention that this was now ten times more embarrassing than it was before. You felt as your cheeks began to heat up hotter than they were before. When you took a step back and finally looked up at the blonde, you were surprised to see he was blushing just as hard as you.

Ignoring Kaminari and Kirishima’s taunts and more than juvenile comments, Bakugou manhandled you into an empty classroom. Before you had a chance to put reason behind your prior words, you felt Bakugou’s lips come crashing down onto your own, abandoning his schoolbag in favor of holding your head between his calloused hands. You heard a slight moan leave your lips in return to his sudden actions. Bakugou took advantage of your parted lips, seeing it as an opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth, exploring the moist cavern as if he were a pirate looking for buried treasure.

He moved his hands down to your hips, hoisting you up onto an empty desk as he continued his exploration. Stroking his tongue with your own, you earned a quiet grunt from the man. He finally removed his lips from you slightly bruised ones, for the sole purpose of catching his breath. Bakugou leaned down to pick his fallen backpack, and unable to make direct eye contact with you, Bakugou murmurs a quick ‘Yes’ before leaving the classroom.

tag list: @loisfics & @freckledoriya

[diamondcamefromhell]

I wish I were her

geralt x fem!reader [as a gender-fluid person i swear i will try to write more gender neutral pairings in the future but writing ‘straight’ is easier for me as i spent most of my life dreaming strictly ‘straight’ when i idenfied as a girl and was in fucking narnia closet even from myself, sorry guys, gals and non-binary pals <3]

A/N: A LOT of shit is going on in my life, as is everyones, so I am not making a comeback yet babes, but i did get not sober and listen to heather just now and decided to write my first ever geralt fic, say whaaaaaaaaaaaat? i made him super soft and honeslty maybe a bit out of character but let a person dream okay either way

truly, i hope everyone is doing okay. the world sucks and i know people have personal problems to deal with. i hope youre okay. i hope this fic distracts you a little. I love you all. as much as a stranger can love a stranger which i believe is a lot, i fukcing love you.

Summary: Y/N has met both, Geralt and Jaskier before, but when they visit again things dont go as she expected

Warnings: violence, self-hate, blood, nsfw [but not explicit because hey hoe im a virgin]

Word Count: 2239

There was something about him she couldn’t quite place. She got lost in his eyes before and she would do it all over again. His touch left marks on her skin that seemed to burn whenever her mind wandered back to him. He changed her life forever and then he left. Only his songs were sung by other folk, pinging at her sides, reminder of those few nights he was hers. And she was his. Nothing else mattered then.

But he was a bard. A man with purpose, a man with goals. And she was just a farmgirl, no more special than any other person on the continent. She was sure that there was nothing this world had to offer her, and those moments of bliss were the best she will ever get.

Yet, when Jaskier and Geralt were passing by again, she jumped on her mare, going to the tavern in a heartbeat. Her anxiety was eating at her insides, making her shiver as she pushed the door open. Unpleasant smell of alcohol and sweat hit her, but when she saw him she got high on a different kind of drug.

But this one had no price.

His eyes were shining as he was smirking as his friend, who was brooding. Jaskier took a moment to look around, glazing over her as if she was nobody. Her heart banged in her ears as she took a few shaky steps towards the table. Loud noises coming from around her seemed to drown out when his eyes met hers. There was slight recognition, or she tried to tell herself that.

“Hello.” She managed. Geralt glanced at her, mumbling something under his breath, but her attention was elsewhere. Y/N eyes were drilling Jaskier, who furrowed his brows, smiling.

“Hello there.” He said cheerfully. His eyes looked somewhere behind her.

“Jaskier, right?” She asked, even though she knew. She knew exactly who he was and what his lips tasted on her and how they fit together like two pieces of a puzzle.

“Right. We’ve met before?” Y/N heart shattered a little, but she grabbed the broken bits, not letting them fall apart, holding it together.

“Awhile back, when you and Geralt stayed here. He was here on a contract for a wraith. You wrote a song for that one.” She rambled on, finally taking a breath in.

“Oh right!” His eyes were still glassy but he pointed at the seat. “Join us.”

“Jaskier.” Geralt grumbled, but still scooted over when she sat down. His yellow eyes seized her up. “Y/N.”

“You remember me?” The girl was taken back a little, the witcher was the one who hadn’t forgotten her. Not Jaskier. She blinked twice as Geralt didn’t respond, but rather looked at the bard.

“I remember you too, Y/N!” He argued battling Geralt’s gaze.

“How have you two been?” Underneath the table she clasped her hands together, only now realizing she’s sweating.

“Good, good. Lots of work to do around here, right Geralt?” There was nothing but silence coming from his companion. “He’s a bit shy, but you know that already.”

“Right.” Silence settled between them as Geralt downed his ale in one gulp, leaning back a little. He seemed to zone out, having a thousand-yard stare, his mind traveling elsewhere. Y/N looked away from him.

Jaskier was glancing around the tavern just as a server came up to them. Y/N seized her up, in her pretty dress and golden curls than bounced behind her back perfectly behind her back. Her smile was perfect, making Y/N fill with envy as she leaned over to Jaskier, exposing her cleavage to them all.

“Can I get you anything, sweetie?” She whispered as Y/N leaned back, swallowing hard.

She suddenly became aware of her tattered dress that had, what she hoped to be dirt, on it. Her hair was tied back but she haven’t brushed her hair today, so it most likely was a mess. She shifted, smelling pigs and sheep on herself. She became aware of all her flaws as if they were broadcasted to the world.

She wanted to burst into flames this very moment, becoming aware her cheeks are burning red. Suddenly the table became the most interesting thing in this tavern as she drowned out their conversation. She couldn’t listen. She couldn’t see. But when she lifted her eyes, the woman had sat down and Jaskier had one of his hands over her shoulder. He was laughing. The woman looked at Y/N.

“Hey, Y/N!” She, however, didn’t know the servers name, so all she could offer was a polite nod and a forced smile. “You look pretty tonight.”

“You do too, Amelie.” Jaskier said, before Y/N could respond. She dropped her gaze to the table as Amelie laughed. It sounded like bells in the wind, like a bird chirping. It was perfect. Y/N took a sharp breath in.

She zoned out again, not listening to Amelie and Jaskier again. She simply couldn’t. Geralt was looking at her, his eyebrows furrowed. He could tell Y/N was uncomfortable, he couldn’t understand why she simply didn’t leave. The girl chose to torture herself.

Amelia stood up, going back to her work, and only then did Y/N look up again, her expression different from before. Corners of her lips were turned down as she watched Jaskier look after Amelie, completely mesmerized.

“Jaskier.” Geralt called but Jaskier kept his eyes on the girl. Y/N shifted in her seat again, clasping her hands tighter.

Until she felt like she was going to burst. She stood up, muttering something under her breath. She tried not to run, but she couldn’t. She heard Amelie say something, but it didn’t matter. Nothing did. Her eyes burned as her mind kept replaying Jaskier wrapping his hands around other woman. He was not hers, and Y/N knew.

But her heart ached so much, she felt like her chest was about to rip apart. Her insides were burning and her head was spinning as she untied the horse, riding it into the moonlight. Y/N didn’t realize she just took Roach. She didn’t realize the rain had come down heavily on them. She didn’t realize she was crying.

She didn’t realize she was going right into the woods. Alone. At night.

Only when a wolf howled uncomfortably close, she stopped the horse in its tracks. It neighed uncomfortably as Y/N stared into the woods, until she heard a howl.

She ushered the horse just in time.  A pack of giant wolves jumped out as they rushed forward. Her heart was beating for a different reason. The rain was making it impossible to see as she held on for dear life. A moment later she shifted in the saddle and her leg hit a sword that was mounted on the horse.

She realized the mare wasn’t hers. With adrenaline pumping inside of her she tried to unbuckle the sword with one hand, while keeping the other one on the reigns. She struggled and the wolves were catching up. Her life was flashing before her eyes and the dread was filling in, but she knew she hadn’t lived enough yet.

She remembered Jaskiers kiss as vivid as if it was happening now, finally freeing the sword. It was heavier than she expected, throwing her off balance. Roach turned right too, unexpectedly skiting off the hill. The horse took a sharp turn, standing on its hind legs and Y/H hand slipped off the reigns. With a painful thud, she hid the ground.

Roach neighed in fear, rushing off into the woods. Y/N had to blink hard before she could see again, and when she did, her heart dropped. The wolves had her surrounded, their angry growls making hairs on her body stand up. She saw the sword dropped to her right. Out of reach. She was done. There was nothing she could do anymore.

She closed her eyes, hoping her death would be quick.

She heard a thud first. Then, something heavy dropped on her. Her eyes shot open and she saw a decapitated beast on her. Warm blood was soaking through her dress, sending shivers down her spine. Y/N only then sae Geralts back, and his sword drawn, a few more wolves laying in front of him.

The rest of the pack was slayed quickly too, as Y/N stared blankly, too scared to move. All she could smell was blood. As she could feel was fear and relief mixing inside of her. She didn’t like they made together. Her vision became blurry again. And when Geralt finally turned to face her again, she covered her mouth with one of her hands, tears streaming down her face.

Unexpected kindness shined from the witcher as he leaned down, pushing the wolf corpse off of her. His hand landed on her shoulder heavily. In response, she rushed into his arms. He just held her as she sobbed into his shoulder.

He wasn’t bothered by the rain that was drowning them both or that she reeked of blood or that he had just cleaned these clothes. He just held the girl, who almost seemed like a child, shaking in his arms, gripping onto him like he was the last straw holding her together.

“I’m sorry.” She finally managed, not pulling away. His hands around her tightened.

“Not your fault.” He rubbed her back gently as she took a few shaky breaths in.

“I didn’t mean to take Roach.” She leans away, meeting Geralts yellow eyes. He smiles.

“I followed you because you did. You’d be dead otherwise.” Y/N swallowed hard again, blinking back a new wave of tears. Geralt kept his arms around the girl, which she appreciated.

“Thank you.” Her voice broke.

Silence settled between them as Roach seemed to come back to them. It neighed, shaking its head as Geralt and Y/N stayed on the ground, in the dirt. Gazing at each other.

She saw warmth in his cat eyes. There was something welcoming and inviting in them, something that made her feel safe. Like a fireplace on a cold winter night. She felt okay. Nothing could hurt her as long as she was in his arms. She was sure of it.

“I am sorry you had to follow me here.” She breaks the silence, relaxing her body.

“I’m sorry you had to leave like that.” Geralt grows serious again. “Jaskier didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I know.” Y/N closes her eyes now, feeling the rain roll down her back. “I just wish I was enough.”

“You are. For the right person.” Her lips shake a little as she leans forward, placing her forehead on his shoulder.

“I just want to be enough.” She whispers again, as Geralt gazes into the woods. His hands tighten around her. “Pretty enough. Nice enough. Just enough to be loved. Enough to be remembered.”

“I didn’t forget you.” Geralt reminds sending a electric wave through her body. She sniffles, opening her eyes, staring at her hands.

“You didn’t.” He now grabs her shoulders pushing her away. They lock eyes, as she is suddenly drawn to his honey.

“And I wont.” Her heart skips a beat as she thinks he might lean in for a kiss. She is ready. She wants him to do it, but instead, he stands up, dragging her up with him. “Let’s get you dried up.”

She remains silent as the witcher drops her on Roach, jumping behind her. He takes the reigns, and so does she, her hands still shaking. She leans back into his chest, feeling his breathing as he guides Roach back towards the tavern.

Y/N is sure she hears wolves howl in the distance but she closes her eyes and feels safe with Geralt sitting behind her, steady and unmovable like a wall. Unbreakable.

Once she opens her eyes, they are back. He helps her down the horse, holding onto her as they enter the tavern, but this time, he guides her up to stairs. The room they entered was a bedroom, but Geralt guided her to a bathroom where a warm bath seemed to be ready.

Y/N looked at Geralt who had taken his shirt off. He glanced at her.

“You’re going to bathe with your bloody dress?” She felt a rush go though her body. Her lips curled.

She dropped her, standing there uncovered in front of him. His lips curled as he dropped the remains of his clothes. They didn’t stare at each other for an uncomfortable amount of time, but just enough for their eyes light up with hunger.

They stepped in the bath, warmth surrounding them as Geralt placed his hands on the sides of the bath, towering over Y/N, who was half underwater. His eyes were eating her up as his muscles tensed up.

“You’re pretty.” He said.

“Shut up.” She flushed, going underwater to avoid his gaze.

She didn’t expect him to follow, but he did, pressing her to the bottom. His lips found hers, breathing in the air her lungs craved. He wrapped his arms around her, dragging them both from underwater. The kiss didn’t split.

And there Y/N was, surrounded my candlelight, electricity running over her body again, drowning in honey and metal. She felt whole again, she felt safe. She felt loved and important, she felt seen when he locked eyes with her.

She wasn’t Amelia, no. But Y/N was herself.

And she was enough.

******************************

A/N [again]:  i lost the plot at the end im sorry i had a whole ass bottle of wine and i got super saddo towards it so yikes, hope you still enjoy, requests are open ofc but it might take me two years to get to it and im not kidding okay luvs i love yall bue