#im thinking: this is it. maybe i really am a fucking moron.

[icarusredwings]

The thing about Thoschei that's so funny is that these are literally all the same people, meaning technically these are all the same ship.

We have these two. Yes? We know twissy. We love twissy.

We have spy doc, yeah? We love spydoc.

We have our beloved/beloathed Simmten. Everyone loves simmten.

We even have whatever these two weirdos had going on.

BUT - Have you ever ever thought about what would happen if you mixed them up? It feels illegal (as in, 'These two specifically are a bonded pair, do not separate' joking matter), but think about the chaos implications.

Can you fucking imagine if you shoved THIS man (6) with Simm! Master? Someone's gonna regenerate. Im not sure who yet. Mel's definitely gonna scream at him, though.

"Ello dear friend do you mind coming along and-"

"Why the fuck do you look like that?"

"Like what??"

"Like a unicorn stomped on you, ate you and puked you back up!"

"You don't like it? What's wrong with it? Is it the hair?"

"Is it the?- NO YOU MORON!"

Or Missy with 9? The amount of arguments and pouting- A lot of sarcastic banter. Maybe a hissy fit. A sissy slap fight if you will because deep down he would care if she got hurt so wouldn't actually ever hit her but would say some pretty mean things.

"Fine! Then go to your room!"

"I'll do no such thing! And you can't make me!"

"Then die! See if I care!"

"Only if you let me kill you first!!"

"Try! See what happens!"

"You dare hit a lady??"

"Pft- I'd hardly call you a lady..."

Yana! Master and 13? Tinker buddies! (They're basically in a love triangle with Chantho)

Roberts! Master with 15? I have a feeling this would kinda slap. Idk why, but I just do.

"So. What so you think?"

"Oh! Sister yes!!"

"... I am neither your sibiling.. nor a woman..?"

"Its an expression babes."

"Why are you calling me such affections??"

I feel in my gut that these two would get along decently well, except this time 12 is the bad influence, not him. If anything, it would consist of 12 showing him earthling things.

"...So.. Uno.."

"Yes."

"I have to have one card left..?"

"Yes."

"...why don't I just throw away my other cards?"

"That's against the rules I think."

"Says who?"

"Says... well... says.. the rules." 💁

Dhawan! Master and 10? 10 could fix him within an episode. I'm sure of it. Hell 14 could fix him. Might take a little longer, though. Dhawan would make tea for him after they go to therapy together. Their therapist says they should work on their co-dependency, but they think she just "doesn't get their dynamic"

I think it would be really funny if we shoved 4 with missy too. Sarah Jane and her would have so much beef. It would be unreal. I do think that Dhawan would be fond of K9 the most though, and Simm would probably be the type to get jealous of a robotic dog...

[threepandas]

Sun Burnt: Part 2

Sixteen grand, only half my go bags, and about three blocks of Mafia Land on fire.

That was my fucking legacy now. I was the crazy fuck that DICK PUNCHED the Dread God of hitmen everywhere. The nightmare that lesser men fear. The blood soaked luxury few can afford! Oh god. I just punch the greatest hitman on THE PLANET in the DICK.

IN PUBLIC.

CURSE YOU LIGHTNING BRAIN!

I can't believe I fucking FORGOT that panic and impossibly fast reaction times were a BAD IDEA. God DAMN it! No wonder everyone thinks Lightnings are morons! That was the DUMBEST SHIT I'VE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE! Oh god. Oh god! I'm gonna die so slow. He's gonna drag it out! What do I DO!?

He didn't even collapse! Just hissed in through his teeth and TANKED it!

Thank god for Tazer training.

But also like!? Ha ha!!! OH GOD IM SO DEAD. I just pissed off EVERYBODY, didn't I? I can never come back! I had to have hit like... fifteen DIFFERENT SETS back there! And Colonello will be out for my BLOOD. Fuck, I wanna LIVE!

Boats. I gotta steal one of the boats!

And thank god? I DO. The island is in chaos, thanks to the fires. I dump the boats number of trackers overboard. Sure, I have to take a knife to a few fancy ass walls. But it's WORTH it.

I got a fancy ass little yacht! Perfect. It's fast, it's liveable, I can DISAPPEAR out to sea. He'll NEVER fi-!

Click.

Cool metal smoothly, cruely, presses againt the back of my head to crush my hope, just as it begins to form. The cologne is unmistakable. I can not tell you, how in God's name I missed it. The barrel of a gun pressed close, like a lover's hand, in unspoken threat.

"Bella~" purrs an amused voice from behind me. It sound like a threat. "Quite the trouble maker, aren't you? Such... CHAOS~♡ But, really? Did you HONESTLY think you could run? We're not done yet."

.....m...maybe I could swim.

I break out into a cold sweat, too aware yet completely frozen. The stairs to the deck are too far away. Fuck. I... I could MAYBE make it? Or.. or punch out a wall? Right into the water? I try to keep my breathing even. It doesn't work. I know, because Death made a man? Who stands behind me? Hums in amusement. His gun pressing tighter against my skin.

"I wouldn't, bella fulminea. I am nothing if not a gentleman, but if you keep fighting me? Well... it is a long boat ride. I'll have to find SOME way to immobilize you long enough for us to have a little chat. And an excuse to have my Flames inside you? You'd be surprised the damage one can do without lasting effects, when they know HOW too."

"And make no mistake. I DO know how to hurt you."

"So let's behave ourselves, hmm? Have a seat."

I... I had a seat. Very comfy. Didn't feel like crying in the SLIGHTEST ha ha, WHAAAT? Don't be silly! This is FINE! We're all friends here! R..Right?

The slow grin I got was NOT reassuring.

He stood there, above me, gun casually pointed at my head, as he examined me. Taking his time. As though decadently savoring the moment. Enjoying my tensed muscles. The way my Flames crackled and arced across my skin. My eyes dilated in fear. The resonance that filled the cabin.

His eyes weren't dark anymore. And that... God, that was the worst part. They had lit up. I'd HEARD about the phenomenon, but never thought I ever actually SEE it. 'Cause who could actually be that batshit powerful? What realistic person would ever be so fucking STRONG?

It was like looking into molten gold. Liquid Sun Flames. I could almost SEE the flicker and burn. I could DEFINITELY feel the Flames filling the room. It was like being crammed in a box with a tiger that barely fit to begin with. Shoved RIGHT up against its face. All I could do was hope it was friendly. Preferably ignored me.

But he wasn't.

No, he wanted to TALK.

Had finally, thankfully, put the gun away. Stepped closer to grab my face and tilt it up. Angle it this way and that. Memorizing my features. Shit. My thoughts must have been obvious on my face, because his smirk widened. His grip got tighter.

"Do you know, little lightning, how long I've waited? How many DECADES I've made do? I don't care if you're not a Sky. You could be another sun as far as I'm concerned. It is the fact that your Flames SING to mine. Crave a place with mine. THAT is why you will never escape me."

I didn't even know if I WANTED a Set. Yeah, it sounded cool. The companionship, the understanding and stuff. Like... like soulmates. Literal platonic but could be not if you wanted Soulmates. Yours forever. Best friends and balm to all wounds. But? But! If THIS was what was in store for me?!

Ha ha, NOPE!

I may not have be interested in being some meat shield for some entitled, cloying, grabby-flamed Sky BRAT, but that didn't mean I wanted a living DREAD GOD! R... RIGHT?! I just wanted, you know, substance! Mutual understanding and a mature outlook on life. Competence. Maybe some one... who thinks... I'm...funny...

Ooooooh no.

Oh no no NO!

"REBORN! Did you KIDNAP a random thief?!"

Thuds up on the deck. A roaring voice sounding vaguely hysterical. A god like Cloud kicking the door to the lower levels clear off it's hinges. Vongola. Oh thank MERCIFUL FUCK. I risk a glance across the table. His face has frozen in it's pleasantly smiling mask. Pissed at being interrupted. Again.

His eyes say "don't you do it. Don't even DARE.

My eyes shoot from him to the Cloud slowly walking down the steps. Followed by the rest of the Tenth generation of the Vongola Familgia. The clear exit they've left open behind them. Back to him. His gaze now promising to break both my legs.

.....he'll have to fucking catch me first.

I BOLT.

[starry-eyer]

i am reminded once again that people are so weird about rhaegar.

it’s interesting but nauseating to see the shift about him on the anti-rhaegar side of the fandom as it’s clear that people are still wildly and crazily deep in their fanon versions of him, but have decided he’s somewhat useful to them as the fandom becomes less accepting of the ‘targaryens are bad and all mad’ narrative that was floating around for years, so some of the antis have slightly changed their tunes.

i should clarify that the shift does seem subtle right now, so maybe it’s not going to affect the way the antis discuss rhaegar that much, but i find it interesting and a bit annoying so im gonna discuss it.

the shift is basically starting from ‘rhaegar was a moron and killed his family by fucking his whore so he deserved death’ and seems to be heading to ‘rhaegar was secretly really cunning and cruel and actually loved elia but she was iffy/neutral of him and he only got with lyanna to have a baby and left her to die cause he was always gonna go back to elia.’

both of these are crazy interpretations imo, but the second one is even worse than the first. the first interpretation is at least a tad bit understandable, but the second is completely based on fanon land nonsense.

because… how is rhaegar seen as cunningly cruel when he’s only been paralleled with dany and jon, two incredibly kind characters? one of the first times dany is directly paralleled to rhaegar is when dany was protecting others! while we do learn a lot about rhaegar through these parallels, there’s also an on page interaction that completely contradicts the ‘rhaegar is cruel and callous’ interpretation. it starts when jamie is recalling rhaegar’s departure to the trident, he remembers when jon darry snapped at him, telling him to obey and stay with aerys; then rhaegar takes the time to console a teenage jamie and ease his worries before he leaves. we have all this and yet people interpret this character as cunningly cruel and willing to use others for his own ends?

like bsffr… this is a character who prefers writing songs and singing them instead of violence and the song of swords. that says a lot about rhaegar, and it’s all good things.

speaking of good things said about rhaegar: barristan as whitebeard, when he was still sussing out dany, calls rhaegar able, determined, deliberate, dutiful, and single-minded. these are all positive descriptions. barristan also later says that there’s a lot of good to be said about rhaegar, more than any of dany’s other relatives. this is not the description of someone hiding a nasty personality behind a perfect facade, it’s a deliberate set up preparing us readers for the big rhaelya reveal and to contradict roberts anti rhaegar propaganda.

i also want to mention the other side of rhaegar. he was described as melancholy and was said to have sad eyes, and according to cersei he looked wounded. it seems like he suffered from depression. and based on the parallels between aerys and viserys, i think it’s safe to assume that aerys was likely abusive to rhaegar like viserys was to dany. what’s written in a world of ice and fire supports my case and shows that things were always very very tense between rhaegar and aerys. things were so tense in fact that aerys even brought varys in as spymaster partly because he mistrusted rhaegar. that is a very terrible environment for someone to grow up in, and yet rhaegar still pulled through so much so that characters still sing his praises years after his death. that’s impressive and shows how good of an impression he left on so many characters.

now, i also want to discuss the rhaegar x elia ship as it’s getting more popular as the tides keep shifting. one quote that these shippers use to support their ship is the “rhaegar was fond of elia” remark made by barristan, but the context of that conversation is specifically left out by these shippers. basically the conversation began when dany is telling barristan that she’ll do her duty and marry hizdahr, so she asks barristan if rhaegar wed for duty or love. barristan hesitates and tells her that rhaegar was fond of elia but says nothing about love. context is key here. and while it’s not surprising that these shippers need to strip away the context as they have to go up against rhaelya, which has a lot of textual support, it is deceitful and proves that their case is weak in compassion to the build up of rhaelya.

anyways… yeah… this shifting tide is weird af and seems like a huge backwards dive into fanon land, and while i can’t control anyone i think i’ve done my best to stay true to canon by mentioning what we know about rhaegar and trying to keep my interpretations grounded.

tbh… i don’t even like this character that much, but i think his impact on the fandom is so cool. cause it’s like… here is rhaegar, a sad boy, and yet so many people treat him like he’s satan incarnate responsible for everything bad. it’s like so wild and so far from what little we know of him. so, basically, because of this fandom discourse, i became interested in this character and am now one of his defenders. yeahhhhh….

also, because so many people liked to basically shit on rhaegar for ‘doing nothing’ and ‘just letting war break out’ i found it kinda fun to theorize about what he may have actually been doing at the time of the rebellion. as of now, i’m pretty set in my belief that he specifically went to dorne to conspire with house martell and potential allies in order to overthrow aerys. my theory is based on what we know of his personality, and i think his last words to jamie clearly hint that he had some sort of plan in place; and since he was last in dorne, it’s only logical to conclude that there was something going on.

that’s all

[pabit]

Hi, its Patrick speaking.

Michael somehow locked up both of the camera creeps in the bathroom. I guess they were freaking him out while he was repairing the door or some shit? The footage is pretty much useless, which is a bit irritating…but I’ve transcribed the audio for you all here. I think its crucial to provide the full word-for-word conversation.

----

> welp…the hole has been patched. i will have to replace the entire door eventually but um, this will work for right now.

> …

> uh…

> ......

> habit?

> …YES?

> are you...upset about what i said earlier?

> WHAT? NO NO…IM FINE. > don’t even worry about it.

> …you’re lying.

> no i’m not—

> habit…i may be mentally unwell, but im not stupid. i know that look in your eyes. i know that tone in your voice. ive seen it all before - i was practically raised on the sadness of my institutionalized peers.

> IS THAT HOW YOU SEE THE HABIT? AS ONE OF THOSE PATHETIC FUCKING CRAZY HUMANS?

> ah…i wouldnt describe them that harshly but i mean, basically yeah? > they are just people with problems man…many of whom have done some fucked up things, patrick and myself included. mostly though, they are kinda just…sad. Because they keep fucking up, or getting fucked up, and they dont know how to stop it. evidently you are not much different from them or myself in that way

> so uh— i just wanna say that i’m sorry for my behavior. i was being a jackass and it was uncalled for. i wanted to believe you deserved that and much worse but…i dunno. spewing blind hatred like that doesnt sit right with me.

> ….... > no. don’t apologize.

> what? why not?

> nothing you said was inaccurate nor unjustified, michael. why be sorry about that?

> because, uh…you apologized to me first? an' well, thats unlike you. at least, its unlike whatever i thought of you before today. maybe patrick is onto something…and maybe i was little too quick to judgment.

> HA…ARE YOU SURE YOURE NOT STUPID? I’VE DESTROYED MORE THAN JUST YOUR DOOR. I KILLED—

> i know. i know. and i dunno if i’ll ever truly forgive you for taking my brother away…but like. i also can recognize the value of an apology. it’s a good start, if you really mean it.

> …

> do you mean it, habit? are you actually sorry?

> I HAVE NOTHING TO GAIN FROM LYING TO YOU.

> sure– unless you think appeasing me is what will keep yourself from being kicked out and left to die alone

[HABIT laughs]

> I’D BE A MORON TO SINCERELY BELIEVE THAT. YOU AND PATRICK HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BAR ME FROM THIS PLACE, AT ANY TIME, FOR ANY REASON. I ACCEPT THAT. I WOULD DESERVE IT. AND ONE WAY OR ANOTHER…I WILL DIE WITH ALL OF MY REGRETS RIGHT BESIDE ME.

> I APOLOGIZED BECAUSE, WELL…I BELIEVE YOU DESERVE ONE, WHILE I STILL HAVE THE TIME TO GIVE IT. ONE LESS REGRET TO TAKE TO THE GRAVE, EH? > there is no other reason.

> you believe i deserve an apology, huh...

> ERRR…YEAH. > I CANT PRETEND LIKE I FULLY UNDERSTAND ALL THE WAYS IN WHICH MY ACTIONS HAVE AFFECTED YOU…BUT UM...

> YOU LOST SOMEONE DEEPLY IMPORTANT TO YOU. I HAVE LOST SOMEONE RECENTLY TOO. AND UH, IT…HURTS. IT HURTS AND IM THE ONLY MONSTER TO BLAME. > IF THE PAIN I LIVE WITH NOW IS EVEN REMOTELY CLOSE TO WHAT I’VE DONE TO YOU…THEN YES…i am sorry.

> I KNOW THAT WILL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH AND WONT FIX A DAMN THING...SO THROW ME OUT, IF YOU MUST. I WILL GO WITHOUT QUESTION.

> …

> …

> …

> …WELL?

> ...... . . . . . .........

> MICHAEL?

> …ugh…uh, hey…habit.

> ERR— PATRICK?

> heh…you got it…

> sorry im…still a bit fuzzy upstairs at the moment.

> UM. OKAY. SIT DOWN THEN?

[I flopped into the couch next to Habit, kinda bracing against him to ground myself.]

> SO UM– > IS MICHAEL ALRIGHT?

> Michael…? Oh right. > He’s fine.

> …THAT'S ALL? JUST FINE?

> Ugh– dude my head is killing me right now, gimme a break…

> OH. SORRY.

> Its– its okay, Habit. This is nothing out of the ordinary, really…it happens pretty often when I come around.

> AH…

> Anyways, ummmm…yeah! > Michael is fine. Processing everything, but he's fine. I won't go into more detail though…it's not really my place to talk about his feelings about you, after all. He will come back to say what he needs to when he is ready.

> AND IF HE IS NEVER READY…? IF HE WANTS ME GONE?

> Luckily for you, Mikey doesn't have the only say in that matter. You still have me, Habs – and I want you to be here.

> ................

----

Habit didn't say anything else after that, so thats when I decided to get up and let the creeps out of the bathroom. Now I'm in the kitchen; finishing up this post and waiting for this batch of cookies to bake. I'm just trying to give Hab's brain a moment to catch up with itself, y'know? You know. Whatever. Hopefully the sweets will lighten the mood. I promise I wont eat them all this time, heh.

It also appears that I have missed some interesting bits of insight while out of the house today, so I will check back in later once I am better informed and Habit has gotten a few dozen cookies in his stomach.

[ask] >>

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

status of babbit's life yeehaw

tl,dr: busy moving and a couple of other big life things that just complicate things, but well on the way to being back to normal! new fic chapters and better quality art coming soon.

tl,wr (too long, will read):

Helloooo what's up its me, Babbit. or Rabbit. or Bones. or Idiot Moron Menace Child, idk im not picky lol

i know a lot of you guys have been wondering wtf is up with my upload schedule lately and the extreme lack of even basic content and also i am extremely aware that i have not updated my fics in a few millennia and for that i am very, very sorry. this post is to answer a few questions you might have, if anyone was curious about the 'reason' instead of just the 'when.'

my family and i have had a hell of a year, y'all. like, jesus christ, i really hope things level out and calm down for a while once we're moved in to our new apartment bc god damn we are so tired. the list goes: 1. we got kicked out of the house we were renting-to-own bc we wouldn't be able to afford the new rate, so they gave us two months to find a new place to live (not long enough, it turns out) and then foreclosed to get us out. 75% of our belongings were still in the house when we had to leave. that includes all of our christmas ornaments- including the ones kept for decades, and the ones made by me and my siblings, and the fancy ones made from blown glass. 2. the first night out of the house, one of our dogs, freaked out by the strangeness of the situation, panicked and slipped her harness and ran off. that was over a year ago. we haven't seen her since. 3. my cat got very ill and became unable to eat. she passed away almost exactly a year ago. she had been 14-15, and had been my baby since i was maybe 8. 4. one of the tires on my dads car blew out. during the night, while it was parked on the curb so he could put the spare on in the morning, one of the in-tact tires was fucking stolen LMAO 5. we applied to rent at so many places and got rejected so, so many times. it costs money to apply, btw. we're talking like $200+. no, u don't get that money back. 6. i lost my job bc knowing i would have to work 8 hours at a job that stresses me out to the point of exhaustion (at a place where no one takes me seriously and would actively laugh at me when i try to express my need to step away for a minute) sometimes paralyzed me and made me sick to my stomach and made me feel unable to leave the house, and i called out one too many times. a day after my birthday, too! 7. just recently, like within the last week, my dad's car got fuckin totalled!!!!!

THE GOOD NEWS IS WE OFFICIALLY, FINALLY, AFTER A SOLID YEAR, HAVE AN APARTMENT!!!!! I'LL HAVE MY OWN ROOM AGAIN!!! THERE'S AN ENTIRE KITCHEN!!!!!!!

the 'oh god' news is we still have to move in, and replace a lot of the stuff that we just couldn't take with us when we moved out (mostly stuff like bookshelves, dining table, dressers, etc) AND get the few things we could cram into a storage center out and moved into the new place, which isn't a lot but at the same time is more than we can realistically handle on our own. and then, we have to get my mums cats (a pair of kitty sisters that we had to temporarily house with my aunt, who got tired of looking after them and let them outside to be outdoor cats a few months ago. yes, this was an extremely shitty thing to do, and we've been working hard to get them back safely) AND my gecko (who my cousin has been looking after, even tho feeding him worms freaks him out LMAO yes i plan on compensating him) moved in, as well... basically oh my god there is so much to worry about but at the same time it's nice to have to worry about it bc it means we're making progress sdkfhsjdkfhdsjfh

basically i am just so tired but so busy and also thinkin abt so much im so sorry for lack of stuff but i am so looking forward to being able to bounce back, pls stick with me, it'll be sorted out soon i think and then i'll hit y'all with some good stuff i promise!!!!!!!

anyway thank u guys i love u and appreciate u all for sticking around

[cowcat-with-a-hat]

parappa the rapper characterz that i think they would do drugz :3 (thiz iz a joke btw)

joe chin and my proof iz: that he sold me drugz outside of the 711 last thursday nite and they weren't even drugz they were hiz branded "joe chin super drugz" AND THEY WERE PIXIE STIX still very tasty tho highly reccomend

prince fleaswallow my proof iz: he mentionz in hiz song that hez "on the run" 4 sumthing 4 what exactly im not sure but im gonna guess drug dealing i mean like he runz a flea market that soundz like a front 4 a drug ring also he lookz like sum1 who dressed themselvez while constantly stoned (trust me i would know) i just know he would smoke weed he soundz high out of hiz mind and also singz about how hez been working in the "flea market" since "hiz mama waz a baby" soundz like sumthing i'd write while high out of my mind oh and also while im on about hiz song

parappa: maybe not nesaserally DO drugz but he unknowingly sold drugz (allegedly) with prince fleaswallow 2 fix hiz dadz car altho mayb he would do weed idk XP

lammy my proof iz: thiz image (thx 2 lil mrs matter on discord 4 the proof XD)

5. guru ant my proof iz: thiz iz just a hc i have that he and fleaswallow smoke weed 2gether and he smokez 2 calm hiz nervez now iz there a good reason that i have thiz hc nah not really am i what the kidz would say "delu lu" no and who the fuck sayz "delu lu" anywayz thatz stupid tiktok kidz r stupid 6. cathy piller, ma san and randum onion lady who waz in stage 2 in the 2nd parappa game my proof iz thiz image:

7. pj berri my proof iz: ok now thiz iz another purely hc thing (actually thiz whole list iz XD) but hear me out the reason why that hez constantly eating and sleeping iz bcuz hez smoking that marijamige that mary jane that grass y'know weed makez people have the munchiez real bad and also makez u real sleepy so it makez total sense i don't c it being anyother way and if u disagree with me then letz go toe 2 toe by the slide @ the preskool i'll beet u up >:( 8. crash bandicoot my proof iz: ik ik that crash izn't TECHNICALLY a parappa character but shut up look @ this image

c look they have met thiz countz anywayz crash iz def 1 of those flordia man typez who run around on bath saltz screaming no further comment

9. colonel noodlez my proof iz: what fucking moron would try 2 make noodlez the only food on earth a moron on drugz thatz who basically the whole plot of ptr2 iz that he goez on a drug binge and thinkz that all other foodz r evil and tryz 2 make everything noodlez but then parappa helpz him sober up and he realizez hez a fucking idiot and thatz why kidz u shouldn't do drugz (or do them i don't give a shit im not ur dad)

feel free 2 leave ur hcz in the commentz below <333 (btw if u didn't read the title thiz post iz satire so don't take offense 2 thiz or sumthing idk)

[weebsinstash]

the overturning of Roe v Wade happened and pregnancy felt disgusting and a physical threat to be defeated

I felt that. I an asexual person with zero intention of getting married or having a baby but seeing Roe v Wade, I just... feel the need to have my tubes tied? Which should not even be a thing I consider since I have no plans to have sex. Those radical religious/misogynisitc views that are popping up nowadays just make me feel very disgusted at things that are... Really not horrible. Nothing wrong about being a housewife, or getting pregnant, but the way those incels with a mic talk about women in their podcasts just create very unhealthy relationships between women and "womanhood"/traditionally feminine things.

What's so fucked up is like the exact same people saying shit like "oh these gross LGBTQRSTUV alphabet mafia freaks are trying to groom and molest our kids! How dare they try to say kids need to learn about safe sex and periods and not to send nudes or address sex in any way other than abstinence!" will then turn around say "wow, asexuals? How UNNATURAL. You aren't PROCREATING like GOD INTENDED. You're ALSO somehow grooming our kids" and it's just like. Fuck. Leave people alone about their fucking sexuality and gender presentation.

And then sometimes I try to discuss this with my mom because like we discuss politics a lot and she's, you know, a woman and has raised me and ill seek her perspective as my mom and a woman and an adult, and sometimes she'll just be "oh don't read all that, youre getting upset over trolls, people are just stupid" ok well these stupid people can VOTE and sometimes these stupid people ARE the ones we're voting for!!! Like! I'm so tired of seeing bullshit like Americans saying "haha good on Country XYZ for making it legal to beat those t slurs in public, this is just MODERN WESTERN PROPAGANDA" and I want to scream shit like "India has recognized trans people for over 3000 years you fucking bigoted moron"

Like!!! Ugh!! Should I be furious or sad!!! (Putting the rest under a rm because this gets a little long and I also discuss abortion/miscarriage)

Fucking idiots saying shit like "oh just use birth control there's like 30 kinds" and guess what motherfucker literally the only 100% effective ones involve SURGERY. Even my OWN MOTHER got pregnant on a diaphragm. Fuck you! Fuck you! You think abortions are being used as birth control? I know at least two people who've had them and they can be ABSOLUTELY EXCRUCIATING, I am talking SCREAMING TO STOP THE PROCEDURE KINDS OF PAIN. "Oh women just want to avoid accountability" bitch some of them don't want to DIE, some of them can't raise a disabled child, some of them have diseases and conditions that can't be passed on

I... may have had some risky sex a while back with, minor precautions, ok I'll be the dumb irresponsible slut and say the pull out method was used, and while nothing came of that, obviously, literally my game plan after it happened and post nut clarity hit was "ok well I know if I need an abortion there are people who literally terrorize you outside the clinics so maybe I'll just kill myself". And you know what, I wasn't even intending to do that kind of thing, the unsafe sex, it was just, you know, happened fast and in the heat of the moment, and it happened briefly. Even I, as someone who has never wanted children and FEARED motherhood all my life, made that kind of mistake. And I spent the following three weeks in absolute TERROR waiting for my period, thinking of all the people who would happily force me to carry a child that would no doubt inherit my physical disability, my genetic disorders, and wouldn't be wanted by me or the father (and im not saying that as anything against him we are both very anti kid lol)

It's so upsetting because like, people have different opinions, and in some cases can you really say if an opinion is right or wrong? But so often do I see things that are inhumane, grotesque even. I was reading a story of a woman who was forced to carry a malformed fetus to a full pregnancy where it passed that same day. Here you have a woman who was forced to deliver what was essentially a corpse, the trauma that must have caused her, not just in mind but also in body. 9 months, 9 months of knowing it was being born just to die. And. People were legitimately replying "better that than to be ripped limb from limb inside the womb" that's a specific form of third trimester abortion which wasn't even what she was asking for you fucking idiot. "Better for the baby to know its mother's touch" it literally didn't have a properly formed brain and we don't even know if it could have even SENSED anything besides agony. "I would have wanted to hold my baby before it passed" you would have let a fetus which had abnormalities discovered in the first trimester to fully develop into a child so it could die in horrible pain just for your moral closure?

I read a comment just a few days ago that was legitimately one of the most disgusting things I had ever read and dear God I hope this person was lying but they said "I know a catholic woman who was pregnant and found out her baby would be born terminal and die shortly after birth. She carried it the full pregnancy so she could baptize it" THAT'S ABHORRENT. For you non religious folk, which I am too but I have some secondhand knowledge, the point of baptism is the idea that we are all born into sin and must be like cleansed to be children of God or something like that. And to be blunt I consider this woman an absolute monster and I replied as such.

"She let a newborn baby suffer in agony just so she could dip it in her magic fairy water? And she thinks she's the GOOD GUY?"

It's just. Ugh. I don't even know. I use culture and country as an excuse for religious freedom and sexual and gender expression (ie. Banning trans people from being visible is prejudiced to Indians, Native Americans, Samoans, Judaism, etc) but then people turn around and say "but it's my culture or religion to be homophobic/not allow abortion" and then I just want to say "well you're just an idiot who can't think for themselves then and you need to get with the fucking times :)" like obviously I am not perfect but I believe basic human rights transcends borders and beliefs. Like for example, similar but different, Malaysia is about to literally hang a man just for having a kilo of weed and people are happily saying "don't do the crime if you can't do the time" and its like do you understand it's inherently problematic to just say "their country, their rules" right. Like some places use that as an excuse to keep forms of slavery. Like to circle the argument back around states rights was an argument to try and keep slavery and now states rights is being used as an argument to criminalize abortion?

Like I try not to bring the vibe here down too often but these conversations are important. We as human beings should be helping and protecting each other and I feel a legitimate fear of society approaching some sort of social collapse or civil war. Like even if you're opposed to abortion you should actually still be voting in favor of keeping abortion because, if abortion is outlawed on moral and religious grounds, it will start the ball rolling for banning other medical procedures out of opinion and not fact. You know we already let the insurance companies do that right? Tell people their life savinf treatment isn't covered because they don't deem it medically necessary even though insurance agents arent doctors? Even on my main blog I boosted a post about a person with severe endometriosis who is being denied a hysterectomy because of their weight by the NHS but a private clinic will save them for a price, and meanwhile the endo is impacting organs outside their reproductive system

It's just. God. I'm sorry I guess I went all over the place in this post but everything is so scary now. Transphobia is on the rise, homophobia, racism, gun violence, they keep finding horrible child labor shit like 15 year olds cleaning slaughterhouses, even in my current blue state, red senators are arguing we should let young teens do construction, they're changing legislation on healthcare, on the internet, on student loans, inflation is HUGE NOW, rent is skyrocketing, homelessness is rising, just

It can be hard to keep your head up you know? I try not to be a doom and gloomer but there's legitimately scary shit happening? Like I didn't even touch on climate change and how all of these issues are going to intersect and snowball until our entire species is fucked. I know what I'm voting in 2024 but, it doesn't make anything less terrifying. If we weren't protected before, if we still really aren't now, can we really trust it to happen in the future?

[the1975attheirverybest]

I hope this okay to ask feel free to ignore if not but how do you manage to cope with people saying such inflammatory stuff about matty constantly? You seem very adjusted to it, I am usually alright at ignoring it and I know its not true but sometimes I see things people say and I feel a bit sick because that's what people think and what if they think I support that and idk. I get scared there might be truth in it sometimes even though I don't think that and it gets difficult to cope with. I really strongly believe in having nuance in a situation, being critical of the people you enjoy instead of blindly praising them and not putting people on pedestals, which is why I still engage with matty because to me he is a guy who says and does stupid things occasionally like most people realistically do. But people see it so black and white and you're either a good person or you're not and I hate that and it gets to me sometimes.

no worries at all! that's what fandoms are for. to debate and cope with things like this. especially at a weird time that this fandom seems to be in rn.

For me, it's a mixture of different things. The first being that I've tested my own beliefs and so I'm more sure of them than ever. That's part of what I love about being a fan of Matty. He's constantly challenging me. Whenever he does or says something that I personally wouldn't do, I stop and ask myself why. Would I not do it because I think it's wrong? or would I not do it because I have been conditioned to behave a certain way automatically (whether by culture, by upbringing, by societal expectations of women and femininity, etc) and its never occurred to me that there might be an alternative until he just showed me? So, that way, my own thinking is under the microscope, and if something doesn't hold up, I get rid of it, if something remains firm then I have to agree to disagree with him on it (the nepo baby thing is a good example of that. He's just wrong there, lol. Sorry Matty.)

I had a similar moment of doubt to what you're describing when the podcast shitshow happened. Cuz I wasn't entirely disgusted by it. Did I think that some jokes were tone-deaf? Yeah. But I didn't feel AS offended as everyone who was saying they no longer support the band, or their opinion of him has changed forever, or that hes not the same guy who wrote "loving someone" or "love it if we made it" or "jc2005gba" or "people," and hes showing his true colors or whatever. So, I was like "broooo am I the problem? am I blind? is his sexiness making me think that he could do no wrong and its to the detriment of my moral character? so I went back and listened to the podcast THREE FUCKIN TIMES. After some thinking, I felt like okay some jokes really shouldn't have been made, period. Like he fucked up at a handful of moments, BUT the VAST MAJORITY of the reactions were to things taken out of context and were exaggerations of how one SHOULD react. fucking up doesn't mean he's secretly evil and it doesn't cancel out all the good that he's done.

So, I walked away from the whole situation even firmer in my beliefs about what is appropriate and what's not, what I personally stand for as a human, and what I believe about Matty's character. Which is why, when I see that shit that people are saying now, I'm like "they're a bunch of morons." cuz I thought about it and know what's what. I think they did as well maybe they wouldn't be saying half the shit that they are saying. Kissing fans at a show after checking their ID to see that they're of age and after they've consented to it and BEGGED for it is NOT grooming. Saying that he likes hot women is NOT misogynistic, "thank you Kanye very cool" is a LITERAL TWEET by Donald Trump used in an ironic context of a protest song, it's NOT anti-semitic. you see where im going with this...

Does it break my fuckin heart when I see people wishing him relapse and overdosing and death? fuck yeah. This person stopped me from killing myself i don't wanna see people wishing him dead! ESPECIALLY that half the time, I remember that interview moment where he said that he gets nervous when hes not with "my people." like he's aware that hes rough around the edges, he knows it takes a moment to, like, figure out who he is and that not everyone gets it, and he's genuinely grateful to those of us who have given him the space to be himself and who believe in his art enough to take a moment and think about what he does to the point where it makes him feel safe and he doesn't take it for granted. So, to picture him, perhaps scrolling online or whatever and seeing people say this vile shit about him....it makes me sick to my stomach. But I try and deal with it in three ways. 1) I remind myself who Matty truly is (he didn't HAVE to put hijab wearing women in TOOTIME we are literally invisible to popculture i never see myself represented anywhere. we are not considered a demographic at all; he didn't HAVE to write LIIWMI, he didn't HAVE to give airtime to the speech that he gave at the brits in 2019, he doesn't HAVE to go out of his way to support the artists that Dirty Hit supports and keep in touch with young people's concerns, etc) That's Matty. He's always saying that people take girl fandoms for granted but younger female fans are smarter than him and have taught him so much. HE LEARNS from his fans. he doesn't think of us as something has accumulated because of his genius or whatever. 2) I remind myself that this isn't really about Matty at all. These swifties don't believe in being social justice warriors! if they did, they'd be okay with calling out taylor for her mistakes. Or they wouldn't be so nasty as to threaten to listen to her stolen music and stop supporting her re-records. They want justification for their hatred of Matty, and cuz matty's mistakes are so public, they have a lot to use against him. People who use his mistakes and his addiction against him aren't people I should concern myself with. what they believe is worth shit to me. Where do they get off calling him a bad person when they're dragging him for things he didn't even do???? yeah, they can go to hell for all I care. When someone has a legitimate criticism of him, or when he does something actually bad, then I'll listen. Like I did when the pod happened. 3) I live in my happy little bubble, lmao. I SCROLLLL bestie. SCROLLL past them comments. I know that shit is gonna break my heart and ruin my day, so I will not subject my eyeballs to it. At most, if it shows up against my will as it sometimes does on tiktok, I'll remind myself that the stupidity of the human race is kinda funny, I'll laugh about it, imagine Matty's brutal humor making a meme out of it if he were still online, crack myself up. and move on...

Unfortunately, people who don't take the time to actively seek growth remain in their black and white thinking. Just because a massive number of people think something is true, doesn't mean it is. recent political changes across the planet have definitely shown us that there can be great idiocy in greta numbers, lmao. this is no different.

Sorry this is a long ass rant. you were probably looking for a concise and simple response but i just....dont know that there is one, lol. Hope this helps but i know how you feel and it's really hard to remain calm in the face of it all. ohhh god. hopefully it ends soon.

[trickstarbrave]

after playing morrowind (im not finished i am just too exhausted to play rn) i am just overwhelmed with the desire to take a hammer to skyrim, rip it up, and build smth new

i dont hate the setting of skyrim. i dont hate the main ideas behind it. i just think it was done dirty by oversimplification of the plot progression. the way it is structured and written feels like it presumed the player is a lazy moron incapable of thinking things through or making choices. there is rarely ever 2 ways to solve a problem. not to mention it is mostly annoying dungeon crawling with little justification. just go to this nordic tomb and get this thing. only exceptions are thieves guild and dark brotherhood missions only because it would make less than 0 sense. but the mages college? main story? BARDS COLLEGE? dungeon crawling baby hope you arent fucking sick of draugar by now bc you’ll be seeing a bunch of them. most of the time in morrowind i wasn’t in random dungeons or caves. people sent me to track down other people, solve problems for them. you can wipe out a mine or you can extort money from the owner. you can talk your way out of problems. in some sections you can kill ppl annoying you who wont name you horator.

some suggestions i have to make skyrim feel more alive and complex (under the cut bc i wrote too much) based on now other elder scrolls games so i know these things arent impossible or never occurred to anyone at bethesda:

>reputation and disposition should come back. why are these random ppl answering all my questions? if im a nobody except named dragonborn by some monks in a monastery no one really does to, why does anyone give a shit i say stop the civil war?

>much like the nerevarine, people don’t believe you are dragonborn right off the bat. hell, even if they DO, that doesn’t make you THE dragonborn. many dragonborns have exists. you claiming to be one more so makes you a potential problem for politics--the empire could be weary of you trying to drum up support to overthrow the empire, something they DONT NEED. the monks meanwhile ask you to do a VARIETY of spiritual tasks before they will begin training you. gather artifacts not just in tombs. go to various locations around the world. after every shout they teach you they don’t just give you a tutorial but then set you on a clear task to use it. maybe i need to go find a fox that is an avatar of lorkhan, or travel to that tree to speak to kyne. and even after they name you dragonborn, see above, not everyone is going to agree with their judgement or necessarily care. but also if you DO prove yourself, you could gain a lot of respect and reputation around various factions. this would also incentivize exploring instead of just fast traveling to your next dungeon.

>a dragon cult that isn’t undead as an overworld faction. im sick and tired of all dragons being mindless killing machines with few exceptions. im sick of all the dragon cultists being basically zombies and liches. if theyre a real threat, they should have a bigger presence. dragons taking over towns and small settlements where there are acting priests or priests in training. cultists taking people captive. draugar waking from their tombs and wandering into town to kill people. make them a third player in the ‘civil war’. maybe some dragons ruling these towns dont even kill you on sight--to them you are a weak little baby dragon who poses no threat. the soul of a human in a weak, fragile body who does not understand what true power you could attain, a pitiful creature who doesn’t even know flight or the full extent of their knowledge. they are sentient beings with their own culture and ideas after all. and the cultists could have a very real motivations for joining like being fed up with both the empire AND stormcloaks, or not wanting to be the next helgen.

>i actually liked morrowind’s dialogue system ngl. i understand the limitations of a fully verse voice cast, but they already reuse voices and dialogue. i wish we could just ask more conversation topics and get more varied answers. weird responses from npcs made interacting with characters more memorable and enjoyable than a basic stupid fetch quest. caius being like “uhhh you’re starting to scare me” when i questioned him about my weird dreams made it feel like we were actually having a conversation and i was asking questions not just “this is scripted dialogue and i am basically a story prop with no thoughts or feelings” like i often get in skyrim (with a few exceptions)

>more weird shit. frankly we just need more weird shit in skyrim. i wanna see funny in jokes or weird things that add depth. there is no scamp serving drinks or a sheogorath cultist that only meows. no woman on the side of the road who fell in love with the rogue that robbed her and begs me to reunite them. i want more intentionally weird things. no necrophiliac saying “im not a necrophiliac BUT what is the punishment if you were one lol”. no town based off of lovecraft’s work in the middle of nowhere. the elder scrolls series used to have SO MANY weird things in it and frankly those were the best parts.

>the blades should be introduced later. I think, as annoying as it might be, you should only be contacted by Delphine when you have enough reputation in the world. she’s supposed to be a cautious woman. why leave a note like that in a random tomb and then have you do a test AFTER revealing she’s a blade basically. she holds the key to moving forward, only after you do various tasks for her that you then realize only after the fact was gathering up various blades members who are in hiding. i know the network is being hunted down, but i think there should be more than like. 2. give us some people pretending to be crazy skooma junkies, or people who have integrated themselves into various jarls’ courts. she seems like a random innkeeper with a penchant for archaeology and might have secrets of the dragons you’re looking for, asking you to deliver mail in exchange for some information, but in reality you’re contacting her allies she hasn’t been able to speak with out of fear because by this point she thinks you won’t be killed by the thalmor very easily or are a plant for them.

>breaking into the thalmor embassy should just be redone or have multiple ways of going about it tbh. i can also be the most stealthy person alive literally invisible yet the thalmor just fucking know i am a spy and they have captured my accomplice so it doesnt matter if i hack and slash my way out of there or not. so it just feels like a lazy way of trying to be interesting while giving you basically nothing they couldnt have done another way. all you learn is esbern is alive and the thalmor have manipulated ulfric against his will for their own agenda and dont know shit about dragons. why would they EVEN KNOW ABOUT THE DRAGONS I DONT GET IT. it doesnt make the thamlor seem more intimidating, doesn’t teach us anything about their goals, nothing.

>furthermore the blades’ motivations and history should be told more clearly. after the septims they basically refused to directly serve the emperor apparently. but their spy network was still there for 170 years???? they still served in the army???? why do the thalmor wanna hunt them down if they don’t seem to like the current empire either. i know its to fuck over the empire and tie them in like previous games but the blades were already a cool intelligence gathering faction living covertly among the people to monitor various powers for the benefit of the empire and emperor. if they are a threat to the thalmor still, why have them have a fall from grace prior to this? why are they even still working for the empire? if anything they should have been using this dynasty’s imperial family as puppet rulers after the whole oblivion gates thing. see above: even if the thalmor have been hunting them i find it hard to believe there are only fucking 2 left. the blades were pervasive in the empire. most having been wiped out doesnt leave only 2 left. there should be more. enough to give them weight.

>redo the mages guild entirely. and most faction guild questlines but ESPECIALLY mages guild. bring back needing a staff. rising in ranks bc you had to do things for the guild and work at it and level up your skills. how am i archmage when i know like 5 spells? what??? i also think there should be more outposts for the college across skyrim. “but the nords hate magic” well having more mages around would certainly show that more wouldn’t it???? have there be tension still. random mages hating being assigned outside the college bc nords are assholes. preferring places close to the border or solitude where they are less in the heartland of nord pride. there being shut down mages guild buildings in some areas left abandoned.

>bigger guilds. bigger towns. i dont need daggerfall sized cities but at least oblivion or morrowind sizes. yknow. just bigger. i feel like we were allowed stuff like guild outposts bc of the town sizes. whiterun does not feel like a hub of trade. its rarely even mentioned despite it being a key point of the civil war both sides want for that reason.

>more settlements and places. vvardenfell is smaller than skyrim. why is there more shit to do. more places to be with more variety and interest. fix that too

>civil war needs to be redone in the fact there is frankly nothing to do. use the camps and outposts. have us clear out bandits to make a new base. negotiate trade. escort caravans that carry supply. take out smuggling operations. spy on the other side using their armor. we have bits of this with taking out agents and stealing papers but i want More. also ideally have different play-styles incorporated into it like you can be an archer, or steal and gather intelligence, or even just different ways to solve the same problems. maybe you threaten someone selling supplies to the other side, or kill them, or destroy their business, or convince them not to. you burn enemy fields so their troops have less food in a really fucked up battle system, or you can refuse those orders if you find them morally repugnant and either get punished for it or have to find a work around through another commanding officer who gives you an alternative. consciously make the choice to just follow orders or think through your actions and refuse. war is ugly and some sides will do anything to win. wouldnt it be interesting to fight dirty one playthrough and the next choose to try and only fight fair and just?

>i know some characters must die because the plot has demanded it. but frankly i feel it is overused sometimes. mages guild, companions, etc. you are promoted bc everyone else died or whatever. can i save them even if i like them as characters? no. nothing i can do can change that for them, even if them being alive could very well be possible and interesting. exception to this is the woman abt to be murdered in markarth when you walk in. why CANT i save skjor if i am fast enough. why cant my choices effect if the arch mage dies or not. it doesnt matter what i do or how fast i do it, they die, so whats the point of trying to do it different ways or try harder. see above for how you always get caught along with your accomplice when breaking into the embassy. it just robs the player of agency. their choices, performance, play style, and skills don’t matter. they will always be arbitrarily rewarded or punished in the linear narrative the devs have decided to make things as simple as possible bc every day people cant make choices and think things through or accept consequences of their actions they might have to live with. they cant want to craft their own narrative, it needs to be as simple as possible, people only like simple things.

if i think of more i can add more but most of these things have core issues behind them that i think if addressed could fix large swaths of issues.

[m4trrrix]

sometime early last year i created an alien original character to cartoonize how i view the world. venty rambling mad man style under the cut

with autism, my experience feels almost subhuman. as though i wasn't given the handbook to how to human properly. i've always connected with characters that didn't really understand humanity that well. werewolves, vampires, angels, aliens, etc.

with how much i enjoy the stereotypical little green/gray alien you'd think i'd be much into space. when i was younger my school would take us on a field trip to a planetarium nearly ever year. maybe it was because other students didnt seem to grasp the concepts that well i don't know. but i would learn pretty fast. so i grew bored of repetition and eventually grew to find astronomy boring.

that unfortunately happens to me a lot. i find myself interested in so many things but when i seek them out in an educational setting, i grow bored and frustrated. i dont understand human ways of educating. i can't stand it.

thats not the topic of this blurb though. i had gotten better at my charade. people didn't find me weird or disturbing anymore. i still think back sometimes to irl friends saying they're terrified of me. and i can tell now that i am too much for some of my colleagues to handle.

i go through trial and error for how i must act. and it is almost.. tiring.

so i guess i draw this guy to cope. he's come back in my mind in the past few weeks because i recently dyed my hair green. a friend mentioned that when she sees the color she thinks of me. and all of my green stuff. my airpod case is an alien. i bought a green phone case to match (though i havent used it yet because this one isnt completely broken yet. but its close) i have 2 inflatable green aliens of various sizes. its become my brand to be seen as this.. unearthly thing. i guess i cannot complain when i see myself as just an imposter in human skin.

this character doesn't technically have a name. i imagine his species doesn't have them. or maybe its just in a language we do not understand. but i called him joshua when he's disguised. i wanted just some plain name. though i think i want to change it to neo. i think he would like the matrix a lot. understanding feeling different. i think he would like neo a lot.

names have always been a weird thing to me. a word we rely on and relate to deeply. i relate to mine, in some ways. at one point it served me quite a lot of joy. but in the past year or two i've gone through so many extra names that also felt, at the time, relatable. they're just titles i don't care for now. the one i use now is just one i've decided to keep out of some reason i can't quite place. i like neo as well i think. a lot of people who don't know me well call me neo because they don't care enough to look deeper into me. i believe it fits the tiring human persona i put on for people

i honestly dont know what im talking about at this point. i was finishing another piece that ended up ugly and at some point i just took the markers and just went ham. my brain started monologuing and i was like fuck, if i dont get this out of my brain i will surely die. it wont stop talking if i dont get it out somewhere. so i quickly drew the doodles up top and called it a day.

point is, green green green...,.,, i couldve been such a scientist if i was human! i'm hugely into anatomy and biology but i grew up in the south so my educational system was, and is, fucked! i cannot enjoy biology anymore because my teacher in high school was mega christian and did not enjoy teaching half of the subjects!!!! i cant stand anatomy because my CLASSMATES WRRE ALL MORONS THEY JUST DIDNT WANT TO TAKE PHYSICS I WANTED TO BE THERE I WANTED TO DISSECT THE FUCKING HEART . but i was paired with girls who were too scared.

when my tablet is charged enough i'll draw the alien in a much better setting. and color him. and draw his girlfriend he has a girlfriend. i need to figure out why i keep giving me characters women partners when im mostly attracted to masculine figures but thats a discussion for a different day

enjoy my descent into madness ill return tomorrow

[cruesuffix]

omg things were so much better when i was just a lurker and watching other ppl post things… ummm ok lemme just yap a bit yall look away immediately!! don’t perceive this post it doesn’t exist you never saw it.

like… i don’t think i like being perceived. im so all over the place, one second im so ok with posting things and having fun and the second i want to abandon this whole thing and pretend i was never here. i hate it cause im getting so attached to this place and i know the little people on my phone aren’t real. none of you are real but i can’t help but grow fond of all you people. it’s just hard, cause i know the fake little people on my phone are all so talented and nice and just… i don’t know how to explain it. im just the complete opposite of it. im mean, terribly mean. i don’t know how to be nice and make small chat with anyone. my writing is cringy and i don’t know how to answer asks where the prompt/ drabble is the most jaw dropping shit i’ve read. like here comes fucking lily with their shitty ass interpretation of what’s pretty much the Michelangelo except what i throw out is just a stick figure. (fuck i hate my writing but it’s all i do. taking up so much room on my notes app but barely any of it will ever see the day) it makes me feel so bad because there’s some people that take the time out of their day to give me such beautiful little proses and all i can do is go “omg so true anon!” what the actual fuck is wrong with me. am i that moronic that i can’t take two fucking seconds to just write something good?

like i know im not supposed to be negative here cause everyone’s so damn optimistic and hopeful but im the most hateful person on here. i’ve tried so hard not to really show myself on here cause like… no one needs to be burdened by the negativity and the whining but i just don’t fit in. im not going to beat around the bush, i don’t fit in here, or outside or anywhere. still, i get a kick out of the attention i get and if i don’t get it i feel like walking into traffic or running someone over. this is the stupidest thing i’ve ever said and i do hope no one ever reads this i just need to get this out of the way, and i know someone will say “get a diary!!” but this is the only place i can get my thoughts out and actually forget about it afterwards cause this will get lost in the various reblogs i’ll post to bury under the actual good shit. like… all my other vent posts went to die and that gives me hope this one will also do the same. can’t vent in notes cause it’ll always be there to remind me how fucking pathetic i am.

i don’t know why any of this bothers me. my stomach is on fire and my bones ache and i just want to go home. not this home, just… home. i need to stop being so damn sensitive cause no one gaf frfr. maybe isolating from everyone was a terrible idea… now i never know if im being terrible and just awful or if im cool. i already know no one likes me so i need to just get over it and like… vibe with myself idk. why couldn’t i just save the photos of the old man and keep it pushing? why did i have to actually post dumb shit and lull ppl into some false sense of security? like im tricking all of you into thinking im cool and im actually the stupidest bitch you’ve ever seen. if i post this im going to have to bury it somehow. luckily old ass posts of the old man always save me. i wish i was as talented as him… i could be doing better things than being a big crybaby on the internet…

[ugotmestarted]

i’m insecure of my inexperience and i apologized about having subjecting him to that but it’s the whole reason i had told him beforehand that i didn’t wanna hook up the first time meeting.

ik im someone that isn’t built for things that are casual. i’m too sensitive and require something with deeper significance than being someone who was nice and attractive enough. im someone who needs to reach a certain level of being comfortable in order to be able to voice my opinions. it’s sad to say it out loud like that but i have always placed people pleasing above myself. until i feel that i know i won’t upset a person because they like/love me for who i am is when me true feelings about a situation will come out.

why did you have to rush things? why couldn’t we have allowed for this to take its time? i feel like if only you had waited for me to be actually ready it would’ve so much more of a pleasant experience instead of me just saying i don’t know all the time because i didn’t want to say no.

this will forever remain as words that will be left unsaid because although u said u wanted to be friends i know that wasn’t truthful. we had nice conversations before this but i just don’t think that will ever be enough for you. maybe i should give you grace for it being the holiday season but you messaged me nonstop before.

my heart is still confused as to did you really just want somebody to fuck or did you genuinely like me at some point? if you didn’t then why the fuck did you tell me that you did?

i feel so moronic for stating the same feelings over and over again but i don’t know any other way to cope.

i keep saying i don’t know how i felt about him but i think i did like him to a certain extent. despite getting the ick a few times and him being the same height as me, it did hurt me when told me that he wasn’t over his ex or over a girl that he went out with one time but never got to fuck.

why couldn’t i be that girl for you?

i hate myself for letting these insignificant relationships take over my life and emotion. im tired of desiring more attention when stupid shit like this occurs to me again. i don’t know what i want but i just something more than a hookup.

[mischievous-tripleaslimecicle]

AITA??

so back on slearth i used to perform in a pretty small sleathre because our grand scene was filled with prudes and morons that couldnt recognise my talent💅 so in the end i didnt even grace them with my presence much💫 and so there was this week when we were preparing for a new show that our guy has compiled and yknow per usual we had to find a lights guy cause they didnt stay for long in the team for some reason? and actually this uh.. wanna give him credit.. cause despite come "controversies" going around me it shouldnt stain my teams rep and this guy did really good.. Aplatonic Slimecicle it was!! answered on our advert pretty quickly god bless🙏 obviously had to get used to our gear n stuff so it took some time but it didnt take long Slime knows the deal and we had a pretty good practise!! im pretty much cut off from slearths news rn so i cant really know whats going on but if old sleathre of rats grace is still open pay it a visit!! maybe say hi from me

well anyway im sidetracking a bit. skip a few weeks we're nearlt ready for a performance just having to perfect certain moves and couple hours pass we celebrate the soon to be premiere and head back to our places

excited to finally show our new creation to the world i couldnt sleep well that night

both cause excited and its kinda sad that our guy is barely keeping up the sleathre and those mfs at the "grand" sleathre get the big bank honestly i regret not turning one of them into a prop before fleeing

and so that night i cant sleep until a truth comes to me!! a voice that fills the world around us the voice that comes to truthul

and voice had talked and so it told me revelations and so it set the world a stage as life and death itself has run from the begginings of this show on the performance and cheers gained from such

and obviously those pretentious prudes at the grand sleathre dont know what a true performance is a true show of talent unknown for fucking preps at that place and so our stage had to be set in motion

a scene was in my performance

i as told am pretty skillful as an athlete and between me and god i was and so we often included this in our works

obviously we had to perfect such scenes but it payed off greatly god be my guarantor we worked hard and the audience has cheered on stage and beyond

a scene was set and scene was such after performing a number i throw a prop in the air a sword a genuine sword actually right above first row and as it falls i catch it and plunge on the stage facing the set but obviously the world yearns for some drama and so as the voice has told

and so as we reached this scene i the sword in the air and so as it was my moment to catch it all it took is to watch how that sword pierces this slime straight through and god the feeling of it all

the effect it had on people the satisfaction that i had a bliss of a great show the applause from the scene we all are set on nothing beats this great feeling of following the stage of showing this talent and honestly i think more great talents must be set in this because theres no greater feel or honour then to perform for the true theatre

sadly those buffoons on slearth didnt understand

so i ran here:P slolice didnt really reach me on earth and besides slaxes dont reach me here either

now i can only hope my show has shown the folk the true world we live in and theyll learn how alive they make you feel for a great show the beauty of a performane

so.. aita for killing this guy? in my friends theatre?? some may say yes but theyre just.. misguided perhaps

[mariahcareyfan1738]

vibes and stuff v3 12624

i keep fucking this up, third times the charm...

i feel lost in my own head nowadays. swimming through infinite oceans of music, sometimes drowning in their waves, sometimes slowly swimming through them, or, like today, letting their power wash over me.

words cannot describe the spiritual connection i have between myself, my soul, the energy that i have within me, and the music that i listen to. the deeper i go, the more divine it gets. the more i understand how much it means to me, the less words i have to convey it.

this seems wonderful doesnt it? so why do i feel so trapped?

___

the type of energy that you feel when watching something beautiful is increased exponentially when you watch someone have a similar reaction. both of your energies together become larger than the sum of their parts. you end up somewhere special. it has been so long since i have been able to truly share my love of music with someone else. this isnt something that would be an issue if i was truly alone, as i was in the past. the issue now is that i am in constant contact wiith people that i feel as though do not anything akin to the same spiritaul connection to music that i do, and that truly is the most isolating feelnig i can imagine .

crying to music, seeing how it brings people together, the raw passion that many perform with, and when i try to share how important this is to me, i get silence followed by 30 seconds of irony drenched "humor" that nobody even makes an attempt to laugh at anymore.

"we're your only friends, mariahcareyfan1738"

"dont remind me"

i want, so desperately, to find people that have a similar spiritual connection to music that i do. that understand why some things make me cry. that can understand when some things dont make sense to bring up. that i can truly be vulnerable around when it comes to music and art. that will speak as much as i do about the things that make them tick. but to even bring this up, to even attempt to discuss why these things are so important to me would be me again breaking the culture of irony that surrounds me.

i hate this term, but being around people that are so violently low vibrational is really bad for everybody involved, including me. i know this sounds like i have a superiority complex, and maybe i do, but i truly just think that some groups find their depth in a nihilistic shithole of language. that absurdity is the only language they speak, and to translate anything that resembles a genuine idea to their minds would require me coating everything im saying with a thick layer of plausible deniability so i can a. pretend that i dont actually care that much when the dice rolls on the "i dont care" face i dont look like a moron or b. attempt to inspire the listener to have a 5% buy-in to whatever im saying by slowly removing the irony from my verbage. either way, i am using unintuitve language concepts to discuss eelings people get degrees to express to an audience that, frankly, could give less of a shit.

i was thinking about deleting the app we chat both yesterday and today, but when i got the dopamine rush of potential human contact, those thoughts went out the window, but now that i am here, alone, no headphones, no sound but the sound of my keyboard and the whirring of my computer fans, i feel a solace that i find is somehow lacking when i hear the 50th nettspend joke in a four hour time span.

somehow.

this is so long. i feel like ive been writing for both hours and minutes. im just looking for ways to say that i want higher vibrational people around me. people that have stronger connections to their souls. people that look inwards before outwards. people that know what makes their spirit tick. people that are in love with what they love. people that dont see self pity as a tool to be wielded with impertinence, but instead as an accidental reaction to suffering they are experiencing.

ill probably write more tomorrow. if im not going to be talking to anybody else, i guess its just me and

me

[midwestdiscontent24]

please dont come back

Last night i did something really stupid. Theres one of my customers that i really like and he posted something on his story about wanting anonymous confessions and posted a link to one of those sites that lets you get submissions anonymously. Well, i was feeling bored at work and decided to send one in that said "i think ur cute ngl, but im too shy to ask you out" which is the truth but i still shouldnt have said it. Well he posted that on his story with the caption "slide up" and i fucking did, like the moronic idiot i am. And big surprise, he doesnt like me like that. he said i was "a homie" which like fuck off, im not your friend. I sell you crown menthols and 5 hour energy shots. I just thought you were cute.

And i mean i dont even really want to date him. Hes got alot of emotional baggage right now. He hasnt even been seperated from his ex wife for a year yet. i guess i would have fucked him, maybe. I feel like he at least has an average sized dick, if not a little bigger. But now when he comes in its gonna be weird. Cause if i hide in the back when i see him pull up im gonna look like a lil bitch and if i stay behind the counter and help him im gonna look like a freak. But the funny thing is i know he tried to match with one of my coworkers on facebook dating, so...

Im honestly over working weekends. Its 8 hours of mind numbing boredom. Half my shift the registers havent been used in so long that they go to sleep and have black screens for an hour. But my boss will yell at me if im on my phone?? Even though the girl im working with is on her phone 7 out of the 8 hours we work together?? Yesterday she was literally watching a movie on her phone. but im the one whose a problem?? Ok. Sure. Whatever. Maybe if i had something to do i wouldnt be so fucking bored.

[gayspock]

the epically sauceless

i just feellike fucking dogshit again today every day another fucking weekend gone by who fucking cares blah blah blah. do you ever havethis feeling of fucking burning anger . so cyclical cuz u realiseits just bc u want something to matter and it never does so it just ufcking eats back at itself over and over. i thinkmyhead is fucking being chipped away at. somethignabout loneliness that makes it somuch worse is just rememebring people will never listen. you can try and ask forhelp and people wont ever listen to you. thats my honest truthtoday. you can fucking beg and plead and you willnever amtter to the point where they'llall accuse you of never sayinganything when you eventually kill yourselfbecause they never fucking listened inthe firstplace . i dont know what it is really. idontknow if itsjust because people dont careor if theres just something wrong with me or what. every timei try to fuckingtalkk i just feel bulldozed and ignored . even when its shit i am right aboutcuz i know itsnot me being fucking stupid when someone else says the exact.same.thing.ten seconds later and it gets reaffirmed. id ontknow why i fucking exist half the time i feel like imalone constantly and when i do tryto talk its like talking to a brick wall and when i donttalk its my fault and when i do again and get ignored or laughed at and it feels liketheres nothinfg. else. ever. and jsut feel so hurt and rejected constantly nomatter what an rn out of it more and more and more fucking patience and fucking energy and fucking anyhting i havbe left to give andwhen you give up itsyour fault and when youdo anyhting its just a fucking slap inthe face and feeling ntohing from anyone else but this fuciking superior fucking judgement and iwonder if thats what my fucking purpose is sometimes except its not that cuz i dontthink people even care and im just trying to attribute it to something largerso im not stuck with thinking too hard aboutthefact ive been bearing it for notihng and there they go again and again and again . sometimes i think about killing myself and i think its really evil but theres a little voice in me that tries to say maybe people will care then before i remember how that wont happen. nobody will care. i might even get laughed at cuz fucxking idiot just fucking lost it always fucking does that shit. and how i'll nevereven get to feel the releif of it all ending it'lljsut be fucking nothing how eventhat fucking single answer will get me the best i can ever get out this world which is fucking nothing which is everything ive always fucking felt but for forever confirmed and i dotnknow dude. moron fucking criyng again because of loneliness and somethingsomethingsomething do you ever fucking lie there and want to hurl cuz its like the mostyoure evert going to do is fukcing sit and cry on your tumblr blog for the restof your existence i think im going nuts im trying ntoto be aufcking asshole but i really want to snap at someone right now liek thats going to change anyhting FUCKKK me man