#im thinking a lot lately i think its the anxiety and a lot of important things

[candyunicornsateme]

One day I will write a multi chapter fanfic but I’d really have to go quiet to focus on it and hopefully people will still be around by then cuz I’ve already had projects I finally did only for it to be literally dead times hahahsoidhsdfhik

[hoodedjelly]

Sleep walk BTS post!

will go in depth with my process and put better quality drawings in here!

Before any of this i was listening to several fiddauthor/ford playlists to hear a song that really got my brain moving. Funny enough i didn't get Sleep walk from one of the 100+ song playlists i was listening to, it was in my oc playlist (thats a mad scientist who would've thought). Originally i wanted to make a fiddauthor animatic (who knows maybe i will), but THIS SONG just caught my brain in a way i couldn't refuse.

So i technically started working on it the late night of September 27, exactly a week ago! which yes yes i hear you all in unison go "WHAT???" to that, and all I have to say to that is.... I have untreated adhd and lots of caffeine in my system! (honestly felt like ford sometimes while workin on that animatic)

Started it off with some notes, then thumbnails. I had my tbob AND J3 open next to me stood up with clips for reference (prob looked a little insane looking back but its fine)

now for the rough animatic! i did this in Adobe animate 2022 (i'll get back to that later) the only thing that really got changed was i wanted to add the diner scene from j3. i realize now that it messed up the timeline i was going for with the animatic but i like to think things are out of order because of the state ford is in, things start to merge together.

After i sat with this rough animatic for a bit, i wasn't sure if i was going to make it in Adobe animate (what i usually do) or make it all in Clip Studio Paint. I wanted this animatic to be way more visually interesting then i usually do, so CSP it is. But! i only have CSP Pro, so i had to draw and export every single new frame from this animatic.

it was a little tedious at first (again never done an animatic like this before) but i got used to it! I edited it all together in CapCut and thats really it!

The missing J3 pages from TBOB spoke to me in a way that im not fully comfortable talking about to my followers. I put a lot of myself in this animatic then i'd want to realize, it's very important to me. The night when i uploaded it i was literally shaking with anxiety (and caffeine-) but the overwhelming support for it is really amazing, thank you so much! if you have any more questions please ask away i love talking about the art process.

Below im going to talk about the code and put HD backgrounds!

thank you for dyemro on here for cracking the code first! now i can talk about my insane little thought process about it

So i never planned to add a code until halfway through with the animatic. i was watching ThatGFFan videos and him talking about gravity falls codes got my brain cooking. i wanted something sweet and simple (i realize with dyemro's post it wasn't as simple as i thought, give me some slack it's my first time). like what you should with making codes you start at the end. And i wanted something that was a nice send off for drawing ford be fucking miserable for 1 minute and 30 seconds.

so i got this. (honestly every time i look at this drawing after finishing the animatic it makes me real emotional)

There are 4 codes in this whole animatic 0:02, 0:15, 0:30, and 0:58

wanted the first one to be REAL noticeable so people can stop and be like "wait... theres stuff in here". people usually think to use the bill symbols, but no! from the description theres a little hint to use the Author symbols

doing that code it leads to: imgu r.com /a/uZa iVfu (and if you know that double line a under a letter means capitalization + im a dumb dumb that used a code image that didn't have a Z so thats just a normal Z)

it makes a LINK! > imgur.com/a/uZaiVfu <

now enough of that boring stuff, heres some HD screenshots and backgrounds of my fav parts

[reidmania]

KISS IT BETTER !

miguel o’hara

PLEASE READ AN, ITS VERY IMPORTANT TO THIS STORY

summary: reader has never been good at talking about emotions, always dealing with the guilt and feeling as if a burden so it often leads to pushing people away… but miguel wants to know.

warnings: mentions of mental health, mentions of depression and depressive episodes, pushing away, self sabotage etc

I HATE the end of this, it was so rushed im so sorry

an/ i want to start a series where i write different characters comforting readers or characters with certain mental illnesses because i know a lot of people don’t get that sort of comfort and recognition and i know theres a lot that isn’t talked about and i really want to bring awareness to it. this touches on a few topics but im happy to write individual works, and they can be about any character.

this

PLEASE if there is anything you want to see written about in this series send me a message and tell me whatever it is, and any certain details you want included. it would be so so deeply appreciated.

the kiss was soft, so soft you wouldn’t have felt it if you weren’t already half awake, despite your eyes being closed. you knew it was miguel, leaving for work.

you could feel the way he lingered in the door way after whispering that he loved you. you could almost sense the worry in his posture, not even having to look at him.

you stay still, eyes closed. it was early, you had no reason to be awake, yet you were. you waited until you heard the front door close to open your eyes and stir in your position on the bed.

you missed miguel, you were asleep when he got home, from late hours, and you were asleep when he left in the morning. you no longer visited him at the HQ like you use to, purely just not having the energy to even leave the bed most days.

it seemed as if every moment, that should shine in golden colours, had been replaced by grey. the days blended together, you couldn’t remember what day it was or what time it was.

you held it well though, the house was always cleaned by the time miguel got home, his food was ready in the fridge, for when he got home. he had no idea about the constant overwhelming fear of day to day life.

you wanted to tell him, but he was dealing with so much as it was, and the last thing you wanted to do was put more pressure on him then necessary. you grew up in a house hold where talking and showing your feelings was seen as weak, and it had just stuck with you.

it wasn’t that you didn’t trust miguel, you did, more then anything. but you didn’t think it was important, of course you had gone through things like this before, you could get through it.

the day went on, eventually you got out of bed, showering, no matter how shit you felt, you’d shower, if it was just you there, you probably wouldn’t but there was that fear that if miguel saw how bad you were effected by this, he would leave.

the house didn’t need to be cleaned, miguel had cleaned his dish when he finished eating. it was late noon, miguel wouldn’t be home till later, but you preferred ered to cook earlier so you could go back to bed and wallow in self deprecation.

halfway through cooking, just basic spaghetti bolognaise, you heard keys, the front door. you furrow your eyebrows, wondering who it could be since miguel wasn’t supposed to be home till later.

until you heard his voice.

“amor, i got off early” he yelled out, you squeeze your eyes shut, as he yells out your name, eventually finding you in the kitchen, body turned to face the stove where you were making the meat.

“baby- it’s early. why are you cooking so early” he asked, walking up to stand next to you. you just shrug, not saying anything. your mind now linking with your stomach, a bubble of anxiety filling it.

“hey- talk to me” miguel said, grabbing your wrist to stop you from mixing, which was just an excuse to avoid the conversation- he knew you.

“wanted to get it done so i could finish cleaning��� you mutter, miguel looks around at the already spotless house. “baby- its clean already”

you just shrug, still not looking at him. he turns the stove off. “miguel” you sigh. you were burnt out, completely burnt out, tired of everything lately, waking up, everything being so repetitive.

“talk to me” he says, his tone wasn’t quite begging yet, but wasn’t demanding either. “what am i meant to talk to you about” you run a hand through your hair as you walk away from the stove, leaning against the counter.

“whats going on with you” he says, tilting his head softly, you squint your eyes. “nothing, miguel” you say.

“obviously it’s something, its like i haven’t see you awake in days, you don’t come to the hq, the house has been spotless lately, which is a massive indication of something being up since you only clean when you’re stressed, just talk to me”

you feel anger, but you aren’t angry, youre so insanely tired and drained that everything is just pissing you off. “can you just drop it, oh my gosh” you say, leaning off of the counter to walk away, miguel only follows.

“i just want to help you, baby.”

you audibly groan. “god!! miguel you’re a superhero, you help people who are being attacked or are in danger!”

“i think you are in danger” he says softly. you scoff, miguel doesn’t take it to heart. he knows something is up, and he knows its bad. you aren’t one to yell or get angry like this.

you cant really explain how your feeling besides wanting to smash your head into a brick wall.

“miguel, can you just leave it alone!”

you walk away this time, miguel doesn’t follow. he runs a hand through his hair, beating himself up on the way he approached the situation.

you sigh as you walk into the bathroom, locking the door behind you, you slide down against it, pulling your knees to your chest, guilt eating you alive at how you reacted.

you hated how your hurt always came out in anger, it was like you had no control over it. this is why you just deal with it alone.

you don’t realise you’re crying until you open your mouth to take a shakey breath, the taste of salt filling your mouth from your tears. you know miguel deserves an explanation, he deserves better.

you want to be better, but you have never been close to anybody like you are with miguel.

its insanely scary, the fear he will leave if he finds out how truely fucked you are.

you didn’t know how to cope with having people close to you, and having people who genuinely care, it had always been a challenge to open to.

you run your hands over your face as you hear a soft knock on the door, “princessa.” miguel says softly, probably the softest you’ve ever heard him talk.

you stay silent on the other side. “you don’t have to talk to me about it, and im sorry i pushed, i just care” miguel said, you could tell he had his head against the door, because of how close his voice was.

“just come out” he says softly. you pause for a moment as you hear the slight crack in his voice, you were shocked that he hadn’t already left, your outburst was embarrassing and you shouldn’t have taken it out on him like that.

you shuffle, miguel hears it, then he hears the click of the lock, he steps back as you open the door.

“im sorry”

“im sorry”

you smile softly as you and miguel talk at the same time, “i am sorry, i shouldn’t take my feelings out on you.” you say softly.

he shakes his head, opening his arms, you shuffle towards him, letting his arms wrap around you tightly. “just want to make sure you’re okay, baby”

you frown, “im sorry-“

“i know baby, ive noticed” he cuts you off, he could sense you didn’t want to talk about everything that was going on, but he wanted you to know he was there.

“im going to have tomorrow off, an us day. lets lay in bed and cuddle all day, do whatever you need to do,” he says.

you look up at him.

“thank you”

“course, cuddles and kisses can almost fix anything” miguel says softly, kissing your forehead.

“not dead, kisses wont fix dead” you say, smiling up at him from his arms.

“yeah, but you aren’t dead, so i can kiss you till youre all better”

[knifearo]

Hi! i've recently been coming to terms with the fact im very likely aroace, with aromanticism being the Main One on my mind since i've been struggling a bit with accepting that its possible i may never Be in a traditional relationship, mostly due to the fact that so much of what people set up as milestones to reach in life revolve around romantic love.

I just wanted to say i've really appreciated your blog, its been really nice see your posts and its just been helping a lot in trying to navigate all this :) aromanticism feels like its not talked about anywhere near as much as it should be (feels like it'd help not only aroace ppl but like. everyone), and if i'd known that so many people felt this same way sooner i think it would've brought some relief.

it's been especially tough lately i think with not being a teenager anymore, meaning all my friends around me are finding romantic partners and i guess its tough not to feel like the 'second choice' (some of this stemming from anxiety rather than actually how they treat me), and navigating how i feel around all that (also realising that at this point im not just a late bloomer lol). its been a real help finding spaces online that have people talking about their variety of aspec experiences, and its nice to know there's others like me :)

hello, my dear anon <2

first of all: i'm so glad to provide a space for you that's helpful and comforting. community is so important, especially in experiences that can feel so isolating; no matter how you're feeling, at any point, there will always be people here to support you and listen to you and stand by your side. the aspec community is so important to me and i'm so happy to hear that it's been good to you :)

second of all: coming to terms with being aromantic can be difficult, for sure. the fact that so many of us use the words "coming to terms" is significant to begin with; it was very much the same for me, where it felt like a grieving process for a life that i never really wanted but was Told that i should have. it's difficult to work through the knowledge that the entire course of your life, as people set it up for you, is going to be changed away from what you were told would make you happy. this obviously isn't the same for everybody—i have a lot of people in my notes talking about how aromanticism was a wholly positive, freeing discovery for them—but. y'know. it's not like that for everybody, especially not at first. breaking out of amatonormativity is no easy task. just to express that i felt the same things right alongside you <3

especially with the fear of losing everyone around you to relationships... i mean, i think this is where community comes in again. there's a beautiful world out there where people are more aware of the intricacies of non-romantic relationships and the harms of amatonormativity and in that beautiful world we'll all be secure in knowing that our relationships with people will be important no matter the nature of them, but in the meantime, the security of being friends with other aspec people who are aware of all of this can be really comforting. you'll find the people who will stay by you no matter what, eventually, but forming those relationships with people who already understand is really nice. just like any queer relationships, i think. obviously there are cis people who will be cool but oh, the beauty and comfort and joy of t4t relationships in any form... aspec4aspec (a4a? do we have a general term for that? ace4ace aro4aro etc.) relationships are very important to me. helps to deal with that irrational anxiety, too. :)

one thing about being aromantic is that you will look around at the world and realize how innately helpful and revolutionary aromanticism would be if more people knew about it... again. a beautiful world someday. what we do for now is keep talking about it and keep sharing aro joy and keep developing our own important non-romantic relationships and promoting relationship anarchy and establishing our own lives and personhood on our own terms. so happy to have you here as aroace if that's the term you do land on <2 adore you, treasure you, etc., and i hope you have a wonderful wonderful day. feel free to check in anytime about anything! the ask box is always always open. xoxo

[mathlann]

Thought Dump about YM and being heir, and some other stuff.

The circumstances in which YM got declared heir is a whole nother long-ass post in itself, but I do think the starting trouble of his heir-dom is both that he represents a Lot™ as far as the von Valancius dynasty goes and the choice to foist that on him was mostly a rash decision Casimira made before he was born and now they're both stuck with it because by the time she started to reconsider it was far too late.

Like, being a regular Rogue Trader's heir is a lot of pressure, but he is also the first von Valancius born in the Expanse for at least the last 3-400 years (Theodora being from Scarus and Casimira being Calixian), the first heir born after his dynasty became the most powerful one in the region, and (quietly) a living result of his mom's particular policies regarding Aeldari.

Which is a lot even without even without factoring in parental issues! And no doubt the above became a factor that contributed to Cas deciding not only to publicly make him heir presumptive but also go out of her way to have the "Royal Baby Legitimacy Experience" (with plenty of bribes and negotiations under the table) on Dargonus. Which, barring some quarrels about not having him be born in the capitol world, worked very well in signifying the continuation of the dynasty etc etc.

But at the same time being an only child and heir presumptive kinda did mess him up in a way that definitely isn't helpful to making him want to be heir. Because Cas is very disdainful of hereditary nobility without merit, and inasmuch as Cas' protective shield of exceptionalism extends to her son, YM does on some level recognize he is the very type of person his mom would usually be bitching about after a long day at court. And so, like both his parents, he tends to draw on his origins as a form of self-justification but unlike his parents he doesn't yet have any big deeds to back up that self-belief and therefore deepens his own anxiety around failure because if he's not careful he rationalizes himself into being the thing he's scared of being.

Another "not helping" thing is that Cas learned how to be Rogue Trader by trial and error but doesn't really want YM to have to do that yet. So she gets big on him having a formal Noble Education so that he'll have a good base to work with, despite that fact that he is her and Marazhai in all the ways most calibrated to frustrate her and so doesn't take to hardly any of them. Not because he's not smart enough to grasp the material, but because neither of his parents had to sit in school like this and they turned out fine, so why should he care about Administratum procedures when he could be out in the Heathen Stars adventuring or something? The underside of this is also avoidance, in that failing these things are also a reflection on him so to get out of being "the Heir who tried and failed Administratum Procedures 101" its best to blow it off entirely. Which irritates his mom, because while she understands his wanting to go out and learn the hard way, the tedious shit is important too and its not boding well that it doesn't seem that he sees that. And thus the eternal war of "Im too good for this" and "I'm failing" continues eternal.

Having parents with very different timescales also doesn't help, nor does the fact that his mom and direct comparison point is kind of a fluke. Like on the one hand his young adult years mean nothing to Aeldari in total lifespan so he has time, on the other hand his mother was ruling a large chunk of the Independent Expanse by her early-to-mid thirties, Realspace Time. So being in his twenties and still not even having command of his own ship stings.

Making Marazhai more explicitly a Corsair Prince in my canon does offer a lot more when it comes to "what could've been" for YM. Because by the mere fact of his existence he was never going to be a bastard with nothing. There is a potential future (and one he'd probably like more) where he was just Cas' bastard and was Marazhai's heir presumptive. He wouldn't have the same cushy future job security for sure but the role might have fit his temperament better. Or he would just inherit a different flavor of parental issues and long to be a Rogue Trader's heir. Who knows.

Heir blues aside, YM also does have a perfectly calibrated "fucking with my parents" gene and makes it his business to cultivate a circle of "not necessarily harmful but personally irritating" set of friends and acquaintances to be on hand for social occasions where annoying either parent is the goal.

One of his "learning how the Administratum works" lessons was absolutely getting Jae the renewal of her Mercatum Tabular Rasa. It was a success....ignoring suspicious blood stains and the disappearance of a particularly annoying clerk.

During his eventual Gap Decade with Marazhai he probably gets some training from a Void Dreamer, a type of Aeldari Corsair Psyker that helps ships navigate both Warp and Webway. This solves one of the bigger problems in his life, being that he can't totally atrophy his abilities to the same extent as a Drukhari but following a Path like an Asuryani would send Marazhai into a fit. Void Dreamers, being adept at Warp travel, would be able to help him manage his senses during longer Warp Jumps without necessarily having to resort to violence.

[likesunsetorange]

I’m a e2l fan so I want anything you could give us about it like characters likes /dislikes ? Small snippet (sorry Im so excited for this fic I’m asking for alot :,(no pressure though <3)

love you hope you’re doing good

hiii! you're so sweet, ily2! i'm mostly good! a little stressed bc school but i'm keeping it pushing haha

and you're not asking for a lot!! i've actually been talking a lot about this au with a few of my moots lately so i've been itching to share about it so honestly go crazy with asking about it!!! since i haven't gotten as many asks about this au i guess i'll make this ask kind of long and just kind of dump some of the stuff from my notes into it? and i have a tiny snippet i can share too!

so i'll just go on a long ass tangent below lol

okay, so first thing about this au, the one thing i really want to emphasize (without spoiling) is the whole thing about this au is that their breakup reason is important, but also that nobody in particular is at fault. sometimes life just happens, and things happen, and sometimes you just need to take a step back and re-evaluate yourself, your goals, and what you really want! it's about coming back together and choosing that person in the end because you realize not being with them is worse than whatever drove y'all apart!

tbh a lot of this au is partially inspired by my own breakup & how the experience of me getting over it! i was in my early 20s for the first time being single after being in a relationship since i was a teenager and i was like woah wtf idk how to be single/without a partner. so that's a big focus of that! learning how to find yourself and realign your goals and all that!

but we can get into the characters now!

eren:

definitely is a bit more obvious about missing mikasa, but tries to act like he doesnt (he has her highlight still up lol, not doing a good job at it)

mostly just works a lot while they're not together

after they breakup, mikasa moves out of their apartment, so he's stuck seeing all their stuff all the time

the first time they see each other its messy, they get into a big fight lol, they aren't allowed to hang out together lol

but he realizes pretty fast that he regrets the breakup, but he sees that mikasa seems to be doing okay, so he wouldn't wanna intrude on that

he gets armin in the breakup basically (mostly bc he sees armin more, but armin still talks to mikasa, just not as much as he does to eren obvi)

he picks up some of mikasa's hobbies bc he misses her so much lol he's down horrendous

at the very least does miss mikasa at least as a friend

mikasa

after their breakup, because she's kind of trying to spite eren, she starts going out a lot to cope—her "hot girl era" essentially lol

she definitely starts prioritizing herself a lot more, and spends more time with her friends and figuring out what she wants outside of eren

but she definitely misses eren, she's just better at hiding it lol

she partially thinks he just doesn't want anything to do with her anymore (a lot of this is just them being fucking idiots lol), and she basically doesn't try to stalk him or see what he's up to bc she doesn't wanna know out of her own peace of mind

she has very bad flight anxiety so when they fly to italy, she lowkey kind of hopes that eren doesn't change his flight (he does bc he has to do something not even to be petty), and she has a very terrible flight experience and all she wishes is that eren were there

and here's a little snippet! this takes place the day after they break up!! sorry for rambling LOl but hope you enjoyed my little tangent! :)

“Damn, Mikasa,” Gabi called out from behind her, only causing Mikasa to turn around. “We didn’t know you went out on weeknights.” 

Gabi, one of the college freshmen who worked at the gallery, had a tendency to say whatever was on her mind, never bothering to filter herself. Even if Mikasa had grown rather close to her since she started working at the gallery in August, sometimes she wished Gabi would just shut up.

Mikasa scoffed, confused as to what even prompted her to say that. “What are you talking about, Gabi? And don’t cuss so loud, especially where guests can hear you.”

“Your eyes, they’re all red. Not to mention how bad your bags are,” she said, pointing to her eyes. “Seems like someone was a victim of Sunday Funday.”

Mikasa lifted a finger to touch her eye—still puffy, but from tears, rather than drinking.

“Gabi, you’re not supposed to say stuff like that—it’s rude,” Falco chimed in.

“Hey, it’s not my fault she can’t handle her alcohol,” she shrugged, turning back toward Mikasa. “It’s okay, Mikasa, the prettiest girls are always the biggest lightweights. But anyway, are you feeling okay? Does our favorite party girl need some Tylenol? A Liquid IV, maybe? Even a Gatorade?”

Was she supposed to answer honestly? Tell them that she had spent the entirety of her night crying because she and her boyfriend had broken up. That she was sure that the cops almost got called by their neighbors from how loud they were yelling at one another? That Sasha couldn’t even understand her when she called, telling her she needed somewhere to stay because she stormed out of their apartment, not even giving Eren the chance to finish his sentence, somewhere after one of them had uttered the words, “We shouldn’t be together anymore?”

She had been doing so well, pushing the thoughts to the back of her head, trying to get through the entirety of her shift without thinking about everything—about him. She only had an hour left in her shift, but all of her efforts had been to no avail.

It was as if the wind had been knocked out of her, she suddenly lost the ability to breathe, and she felt all the blood drain from her face.

We aren’t together. We aren’t together. We aren’t together. The words playing in her mind on loop.

“Hey, Mikasa. Are you okay?” Falco asked, his eyes flooding with concern as he looked over Mikasa’s current state.

“I think I’m gonna be sick,” she said quickly, before running off to the bathroom.

But maybe just this once, Mikasa was lucky for Gabi’s inability to shut her mouth—at least being hungover was a good enough cover for sobbing her eyes out in the bathroom.

[wulfums]

how is the domestic labour split up in the scudwulfertron household…... Is it all mr b…. Do shenanigans and arguments break out ?!? also you should just talk about your thoughts on their domestic life in general i would love to hear Your Ideas :D

I think it tends to be mostly Mr B and Wulfington cleaning up! I feel like Scudworth claims to be there for emotional support. When Wulfington was pregnant + for a while after it was just Mr B cleaning, though Scudworth was very very involved with taking care of baby Wesley so he does do something.

Cooking is almost always left to Wulfington because he enjoys it + is good at it! though sometimes they all just say "fuck it" and doordash or microwave some pizza rolls.

The only part of the house that Wulfington + Mr B don't do anything chore-wise with are the bathrooms- Scudworth has to clean them because it's his fault they get so bad. And he does but he's mad about it the entire time- though he does get the most grateful thankful kisses from his husbands when he does so its worth it even if he personally does not see the big deal about Cleanliness.

Jumping all over the place but I think before Wesley was born, Wulfington was very worried that Scudworth wouldn't want to be involved in her care at all, so he was so pleasently surprised that he is very much so. Man doesn't even complain abt changing diapers(Not like that could smell worse than his personal bathroom we saw in s2 e1...no im not over that) and loves his daughter so so much.

I think both him and Mr B really love taking care of baby Wesley, and since he is the only with with actual experience raising a baby, I think Mr B tends to be Overinvolved because he's so used to his two husbands messing things up a lot (While he loves that about them......the baby is important) and he will overexplain how to do certain things. I think it takes a while for him to finally step back and let the other two parent more. Like, while Scudworth and Wulfington do take care of her, Mr B just gets very anxious with all the terrible what-ifs. Man does NOT want to lose another Wesley, you know? So I think its understandable.

You know that convo between Trixie and Stripe in the Bluey ep Faceytalk? About how Stripe feels like Trixie won't let him be much of a parent bcuz she gets worried and wants to do everything herself? I feel like a convo like that had to happen. And honestly I think Mr B is like. Pleasently surprised specifically with how good Scuds is for caring for their daughter.

Wulfington is more anxious trying to take care of Wesley but he tries very hard- but Mr B is always there to re-explain to him how to do things without judgement. Wulfington forgets things due to his anxiety a lot and is so scared of messing up and appreciates that his husband will calmly re-explain things.

I think the household does not have to invest in pest control when it comes to like. Rats...skunks(you know thats an issue here)...critters. Wulfington will catch them. He will dress them + cook them and use their pelts for taxidermy. He mostly just has the urge to Attack Kill small animals(Dog Instinct. Wesley dealt with this until she was around 5 or 6, and ended up growing out of it.) but he doesn't want to just...kill it and leave it there. He still respects the animal(Except a specific skunk </3) and wants to use all of it, which is why he learned how to do all this.

I think every morning before school they all do eat breakfast together. Someone is ALWAYS gets up late so they're always kind of rushing- but in a sweet way like in disney sitcoms you know? They also just tend to lean towards Eggos and English Muffins and other instant stuff or things like bananas rather than like. Actual cooked meals. It's way too early for Wulfington to do that. He will on special occasions but otherwise do not ask he will Growl at you.

Since they are all going to the same place, I feel like the layout of the car is Scudworth driving, Wulfington in the passenger seat (Sometimes he sticks his head out the window. Wesley thinks this is embarassing, but his husbands think its adorable. Until they see Hereditary and are like yeah maybe don't do that anymore. And Wulfington is like :( ) and Mr B and Wesley in the back. It's the same when going back home as well.

When high school first started, Wesley really really wanted to use the bus like the other kids. She didn't *need* to but her dads wanted to at least let her try it- turns out she hated it. It's overstimulating as hell. So while she was embarassed to always come to school with her dads before then, she know feels smug about it because she doesn't have to be on the schoolbus.

At bedtime, Scudworth, Wulfington and Mr B cannot sleep without

Telling Wesley they love her and goodnight

and 2. Sleeping in each others arms.

I feel like they have such a hard time sleeping if there isn't at least one of them there with whoevers there...which does happen. Mr B and Scuds still go on trips with just them, Wulfington has to make trips to the compound, and then sometimes Wulfington will either go out on a trip with Mr B or Scuds. They love all being together but alone time like this is super important too so everyone feels equally loved. But during these times, whoever is at home alone usually struggles to sleep.

.............alright that was a Lot im so sorry. this actually uhh calmed me down from how i was feeling? so yippeeee!!! i love talking abt this family sm. im always down to answer questions abt them

[nopefer-art-tu]

OH MY GOD I CANT BELIEVE I ALMOST MISSED POSTING ABT BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN'S ANNIVERSARY???? im gonna get mushy here so if yall wanna skip this go for it i wont hold it against you lol but this movie means a lot to me (if u cant tell) and id just kinda like to share a little bit abt why

I remember when I first saw Brokeback, I'd been either a junior or senior in high school, and I had watched it with my ex. I literally have no clue how we got to watching it or who proposed we watch it in the first place, but I remember that even back then I had been incredibly moved by the story.

Cut to 5-6 years later, and in January of this year I'd been in the midst of a really, super dark depression thanks to some health issues that I've been dealing w for awhile now. It made it so that on top of COVID, I wasn't rly getting out of the house for anything but school, and even then doing that took a really big toll on my anxiety. So basically, from the time that the 2021 winter semester had ended for me in early December, to when school started back up again for the spring in late January, I hadn't left the house at all.

In mid January, like a week before school started back up for me, I was scrolling through Hulu, bored out of my mind and also trying to find something to occupy my time and thoughts w bc I'd been going stir crazy, and I saw that Brokeback had been listed again. I kinda lingered on it because I remember phil (@/senditothemoonn) had watched it like a month or two before and she had started talking abt it in our group chat and posting quotes abt it and stuff, and it had been awhile since I'd seen it so I was like hey! What the hell! Lets give it a watch, its time I watch it again anyways.

And like. Something happened to the world for me after that viewing. It was like it had blown apart, and when it came back together it was completelty rearranged for me.

I'm not entirely sure why that time around the movie has such a deep, DEEP impact on me when I had seen it before, and had been very touched by it back then. I think its partly that a. I never used to watch movies with subtitles, and so before I realized that I probably have issues with the way my mind processes sound, a lot of movie dialogue just kinda. Didn't get internalized by me for some reason? Even now when I rewatch old faves that I haven't seen with subtitles, I'm always astounded by what the hell theyre saying because I had never rly picked up on it before, lol.

And like...I mean if you've seen the movie then you already know this, but their accents and dialect are kinda hard to get through. ESPECIALLY when it comes to Heath as Ennis. Which isn't in any way a jab at him, I think every part of his performance is super thoughtful and well-crafted and every acting choice he makes serves the character in only positive ways. But when you already have issues processing audio, and when you have a character who's jaw is perpetually cleched so tight that the words literally have to "fight" their way out of his mouth, its just like. Not the best combination lol.

And so this time around when I saw the movie, I saw it with subtitles and it opened up a new dimension of the film to me. Honest to God, the first time I watched the movie, I had no idea that the shirts at the end were so signifigant because Jack had stolen Ennis'. I guess the first time I saw it, I didn't catch the part where Ennis talks about having left his damn shirt up there, and Jack just kinda shrugs it off and changes the subject. When I saw that moment this time, it didn't really strike me as anything important until the movie got to the end and you realize that Jack had kept the shirts all those long 20 years and UGH. I literally remember screaming with tears in my eyes, thats what happened to the shirt! There they are! And then when I saw that Ennis had put his shirt over Jack's to hang together on his closet door for the rest of his life? Dead. Dead, I was literally stabbed in the heart 50 million times and killed dead. I'd never made those connections before and now that I had I like. got it, yanno? I got why this was an oscar winner, and why people were sk devastated by its best picture loss. Not that I hadn't before, but it just hit so much harder.

So yeah, the subtitles probably had a lot to do w why its stayed lingering in my mind for a long while, but I also think its because in a few ways it kind of spoke to me and made me think about my health issues and the self-imposed quarantine that I'd put myself through for the better part of a year at that point.

To me, the whole story is about regret, about not taking the chances we have while we have them and having to learn to live with knowledge of the things we didn't let ourselves do and the memories we didn't let ourselves make.

I hadn't seen a lot of my family for awhile at that point because I just didn't want to be out of my house, and its only been recently that I realized how much life I've missed out on living for a good year and a half-ish or so. And like yeah, I have a reason, my health issues and super aggressive anxiety have kinda put me through the ringer. But I dunno like. I kind of empathized and related to Ennis' character in a really odd way, because he also let his fear control what he did and especially what he did not do, and for that, he ended up living a half-life and missed his chance of getting to spend his time with the person he loved the most.

For me, the fear of regret is one of my biggest motivators in doing literally anything. I've realized I don't want to end up like Ennis, isolating myself from my loved ones and missing out on the chance for love and life because of some issues I have. And I mean its not like they're not real issues. Just like the fears that motivated Ennis' actions, theyre very real concerns. But since seeing the movie, I've been a lot more proactive about seeing doctors and trying to get this shit fixed up, because I don't want to end up wasting my life away. I wanna find my Jack, and I wanna be happy, and I wanna live.

Anyways. Happy 17th birthday to my favorite movie in the world <3

[voidselfshipp]

Late night coffee talks

Cw:ask to tag. Herc being a boomer and not beliving in self care/lh. Mentions of anxiety but thats about it.

Summary: late night coffee talks with jerico leave tendo confronting his own issues.

A/n: this GIF goes so well. AND THATS TENDO TOO! goes so well lmao.

->Only mutuals allowed to reblog.

♡Lovely Taglist: @tex-treasures @malewifepatrickbateman @mercuryships

--Do you want some coffee?-- Tendo asked to Jerico, who was half asleep on his desk.

--Cant. Anxiety -- she replied

--Right. Tea, then?

She nodded and he got to work on brewing some tea for her-- you know you dont gotta stay here late, you can go to bed

--And let you all alone in here? No thanks-- jeri replied, relaxing into his Office chair.

--Hows herc handling the whole Marshall thing?-He asked, serving some hot water on a Cup.

--Well, hes glad its only momentaraley-- she replied-- but hes not handling it as well as he makes it look

--Stress?

--Yup-- jerico confirmed-- im doing the best I can with organizing stuff for him, hes a soldier through and through so without schedules...

--He falls appart-- tendo finished-- here, sweetheart

She took the warm Cup of tea and said-- exactly,and thank you

--No problem, so, 'bout those schedules?

--Ah, nothing outta the ordinary, bedtimes, meal breaks, work hours, the works

--I bet hes really gratefull-- the Man said grabbing her free hand.

--ive also given him a forty minute break to check in with himself yknow? Stretch, do breathing and grounding excercises

--He hates it, doesnt he?

--Yeah-- both chuckle-- he says hes "perfectly fine" and that "he doesnt need to do that self care thing" Because hes going to "get through it like a man", but I have seen him do them

--well hes an older generation-- he agreed-- no wonder he thinks like that

--Bravery, testosterone and aussie unhingedness, thats Hercules Hansen for ya

Tendo lets out a prolongued snort while hes drinking his coffee making him almost choke-- honestly, thats him alright, but hes a good guy

--Yeah he is, hes a very good guy, hes just emotionally constipated, arent we all though?

Both share a laugh in agreement, Tendo caresses the back of jeri's hand with his thumb-- hows ol' Chuck doing?

--Hes still going to his check ups,luckily hes raditation free and though he pouts like a child he doesnt miss any of his therapy sessions or medical appointments

--i said it once and ill say it again, itll always baffle me how you managed to not only make the hansens get along, but finally learn some emotionall inteligence

--hey Man,Takes one to know one-- she added-- I went down that same road, with some differences of course

--Between you and me? I think they are just very soft for you, but im glad those two are gettin' some help -- he said taking a sip from his coffee.

-- tell me about it, how they survived up to this Point is a mystery for the ages

He snickered-- nature finds a way!-- jerico laughed at the Jurassic Park reference, squeezing his hand.

--And what about you? How are you feeling?

Tendo snorts into his coffee, being taken off guard-- I uhm...not the most stressed ive been but stressed...

--Maybe you should indulge in some self care?

He looked away nervously-- ah its karma isnt it? I make fun of Herc and now im in the same spot as he is...-- tendo sighs-- its just--

--I have a lot of work to do and its very important-- both say at the same time.

--What?! -- he exclaims.

--Heard it from herc time and time again -- jerico explained sitting on the Mans lap, hands caressing his face-- you havent been taking care of yourself huh?

--airing out all of my dirty rags huh?

She giggled and said-- take some deep breaths for me, okay? Close your eyes

He obliged and started to breathe in deeply, focusing on the feeling of her hands smoothing over his face to his neck.

Tendo lets out a soft exhale and relaxes his body-- better?

--Yeah. thanks, Doll

--whenever you need me, finish this and we can go to bed

Jerico ended falling asleep against him, and he carried her to his bedroom. Maybe he could sleep some more before returning to work.

[festeringneondistraction]

I'm starting my new job for real tomorrow and i'm so anxious.

So after months of unemployment i finally got a job. Well its technically not a job it more like paid community service. Its called Mandy's Farm and its part of the Americorps program, I am serving as a part of the Vamos program. We provide employment services and adult skills training to developmentally disabled people between 14-25 years old. Plenty of other things but I suggest a google to get the full picture.

For context I am 19 years old and have a background in daycare and special needs students, more importantly I am AuDHD and disabled as well. I've come into this field because of a deep desire to help my people and other community members. I crave advocacy, I've always wanted to feel like i'm actually helping people, I want to be in the trenches. So far everyone is super accommodating and nice so i really don't have anything to worry about. I'm just meeting a lot of people in person who have heard a lot about me presumably and that is really anxiety provoking. What about the students? They seem super nice but im still really worried about people not liking me. Plus there are likely disabilities that I have yet to encounter that I will have to adjust to and learn about which isn't a bad thing at all that's fine. But what if I mess up?? What if I get overstimulated and shy?

This is definitely a step up the professional ladder for me which is unnatural. I was prepared to go back to Joann's or worse. I'm still super broke but I can already tell that i'm going to be so much happier. I hope I can get along with everyone, people think i'm knowledgeable which in my opinion is quite a high compliment. Weirdly enough my daycare experience already appears to be more relevant than I thought same thing with my performing arts school background. I hope there are people that I can relate to and that relate to me. Currently i'm just listening to Death cab for Cutie and a Cewpins Vod (highly recommend if you smoke at all!!) because after training I was just totally wiped and got home and did my routine.

We had to go to home depot to get a replacement toilet handle because you gotta love cheap apartments. :)

Get home (BF does the toilet because im wiped out).

Immediately do a hugeeeee afterwork dab.

Chill high as fuck for a bit.

Order food reluctantly.

Wait for than eat the food.

Try to stay up.

Fail.

Pass out in an unnatural position with lights on and everything.

Have random sex because fuck it lol.

Sleep part 2.

Wake up.

Computer at like 1:15 am

Get your stimulation of choice.

Dab again.

Get anxious then hop on tumblr to vent.

So that's pretty much it. Jacob is still asleep. He's still frustrated and depressed understandably so but the difference is that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and he cant seem to yet, I guess it feels a little closer for me... Things have been really hard lately,,, our guinea pig Boston died a few days ago.. We haven't been able to bury him yet so he's just in our freezer... Which sucks because I don't cook really so I cant use my freezer so like pretty much all my food. I would like to get some closure. He's definitely still haunting me.

My only IRL friend I live near has Covid and her whole family including her 1 year old daughter is sick.. I just got over Covid and it sucks ass. She said she got it from work but its fucking everywhere again where i'm at so who even knows.

I also cant find my goddamn wallet!! I have google pay and everything but i still need my damn wallet!! Im frustrated because this is the seccound important wallet I have not been able to to find and i cant get fucked over again. If any witches have some lost object spells or tips id genuinely appreciate it i'm pretty desperate.

I have a feeling this new job is definitely going to keep me busy, Another huge advantage is when I finish my service I get an education award that can go to past of future collage payments. I could attempt to start collage... god who knows I still cant drive I still can only manage 6th grade math. I wish that I was competent at math i never have been.

I say 6th grade roughly it could be better but it is likely even worse than i think it is. I have serve trauma relating to a math teacher I had in middle school and then highschool. It goes back even farther because you know how undiagnosed learning disabilities are. The school had to intervene because he was my only option for a math class. Long story short I ended up getting a free math credit in 8th grade where during the period id just sit in the deans office and use it as a "study hall". Listened to some great music in that "class" i was often productive but not in the ways that people wanted me to lol.

I'm debating hoping on some Khan academy or something just because i resent math so hard I need to conquer it. Plus if I'm planning on college (which I am) I want to be ready for gen eds. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH my brain is scrambled i just want my ebt card bro. Im outta fooddddd. I miss money, Is it time to talk to rich art school friend?? Is that unethical?? Alan if youre reading this id appreciate whatever is possible <3 ( kidding not kiddingggg)

[naturenaruto]

ksjdjsjdjd just saw a post about how 0-29 is the ~prologue~~ of ur life and how ur life doesnt ~Reyally™️~ start until ur 30.....and how ppl are just gOiNg To Be smarter more attractive more talented more comfortable over 30.........listen im 31 and let me tell you i would rather have been attractive talented comfortable with myself etc BACK WHEN I WAS A CHILD A TEENAGER AND IN MY 20S OKAY I DONT WANT MY LIFE TO JUST B E G I N AT FUCKINF 30 i wantes my life to begin at 0!!!!!! at 1 day old!!!!!! at 5!!!!! at 10!!!!!! at 15!!!!!! at 20!!!!!! fucking even 25!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i wish i had been hot and talented and comfortable younger, because then that means you can ~~~get started~~~ sooner and have so much more time more experiences less time waiting to Become™️~~.........i really hate this new trend of people saying ur life starts at 30 theres really something so grody about that to me like they try to make it seem encouraging but it seems like they just want you to cosntantly keep waiting waiting waiting for ur life to begin and then BY THE TIME IT DOES its too late its already fuckin over i donr want to be a fucking 50 year old with a sports car i wanted to be a 25 year old with a car, did not have to be luxury. i wanted to be happy with the way i looked as a teen and in my 20s, what the fuck do i care now that im over 30? i wanted to be attractive in my youth because thats when it actually fucking matters i dont enjoy the fact that so much of the problems i had were because no one would help me and i didnt have the money or the awarenes to help myself which is complicated ofc but its not like life is about being hot im just saying i really resent the fact that i wasnt hot when i was young because THATS WHEN YOU WANT TO BE HOT. WHEN UR YOUNG. i look back on my teen years and my 20s and go wow it wouldve benefitted me a whole lot more to have money and be attractive and be more comfrotable with myself than now...after 30........like its great that it FINALLY happens but wouldnt you have rather. ot had crippling anxiety and been able to just go out ans have fun in ur youth.......id rather be hot from 13-29 then have it go downhill rather than to just start being hot at 30.....its like those are the Fun Years those are the important years i hate this idea that ur life only starts at 18 or 30 like what the fuck. ur life is continuous lmfao it doesnt just pick a day to start and i wish i had done things a whole lot sooner than waitingwaitingwaitjg until finnnnnallyy i gettttt to begin my life like what the fuck i wish i had been hot and talented and carefree in my 20s rather than in my 30s BECAUSE THAT WAS AN ENTIRE DECADE OF ANXIETY AND STRESS AND MISSING OUT ON EXPERIENCES AND NOT FEELING HAPPY OR COMFORTABLE WITH MYSELF so why wouldnt!!!!!!! i want that to start earlier!!! the sooner the better lmao like try to do thigs as soon as posible so that u can enjoy as much time and experienxes as you can dont just wait wait wait until u can finallllly start ur life it reminds me of that shit where they go dont wait to use the good vanilla dont wait to use that candle or that stationary set like use it now!! and i love that bc i think theres something wrong with telling ppl to keep on waiting for their life to begin bc it takes somuch time and experienxes from them and it puts them on a staved off backburner and then theyre finally too old to really enjoy things like yay i have a sports car...but im 50 and what people are gonna fuckin care about that? like i finaly achieved it but its so late???? how can u enjoy it if ur old....like yay i finally get to go on that tropical vacation but ur 55??????? like what does that ecen matter anymore lmaooo like yay i finally get to travel the world.....after retiremenr?????? in my fucking 60s???? when i have to stop every ten minutes to catch my breath and my whole body aches and i cant just run around and be carefree and enjoy????

i wanted good health and to like the way i looked and to be doing something interesting in the beginning of my life, not the fucking end.

i wish i had gotten thingns done sooner and not waited so that i wouldve had so much more time and experiences. ur youth is the time that matters anyone who says ohhh ur life is just beggingi g at 30~~~ hee hee is suspicious to me like why do i have to wait? until im too old to care? too old to feel like i can still do things? too old to have a wild time? ur suppsoed to do that in ur teens and 20s, thats what that time is for. anyone whos like ohhh just waiiiit for it is conniving to me like why cant i go have fun and be what i want and do what i want now? why do i have to wait? and its because they dont want you to do the things you want they want to stave u off so that by the time you DO get around to it itll feel like its too late and theres no point

they want you to just wait so that youl end up changing ur mind and feel like well youths over theres no point and thats why......they dont want yoy to be young and carefree having fun they want u to be stressed and workworkwork until ur miserable and by the time u finally!!! get that car or house or plastic surgery or vacation then ur old and bitter and it wont even fucking matter any more and thsts wha they want! to ruin ur youth and childhood so that u dont have fun and it wastes ur potential

they dont want you to be carefree they want u on the grind worked to the bone fixated on until whenever yoy finaly get to ~start~ living ur life!!!!!!

its a scam!!!!

ur life is 0-30 thise are the inportant years anyone who says otherwise us just trying to ruin ur youth and tell u that thise years dont matter, they dont even count, theyre not important, only sfter ur 30 and have a career house mortgage marriage baby #1 THENNNN ur life finally begins and hmmmmmmmm why would they say that????? huhh?????

because they think the only shit that matters is work marriage baby baby baby baby baby

thats all they want from you, ur production value

work work work and then make baby baby baby

so ofc ur lifes gonna start after 30 thats what they want bc by then its all over snyways

they dont want you to see ur youth as important they want it to be as awkward and stressful and boring and unsatisfying as possible, so that u just feel like u have to waitwaitwait until ur finally able to begin actually living, which, convieniently enough, is only going to start AFTER its really over!!!!! they dont want u to know this

they just want youth to be uncomfrotable and stressful when it should be the best time of ur life

i wish i had been thinfs and done things sooner. i refuse to fall for the bullshit of ohhh it doesnt reyallllly start until ur 18/21/30/etc. like it starts from fuckin day one id rather have a sports car and be attractive and doing things in my 20s rather than my 40s. thats when it matters.

they just want you to waste ur youth waiting

because then ur not at ur full potential and ur limited and unhappy then thats how they get you

it matters so muchmore in ur youth pls dont waste ur teenage years waiting for life to start

[lovsome]

I hope you can talk to them soon. I've taken many meds that made me feel icky, but I eventually found one that works great for me. SSRIs don't get along well with my brain (except for Wellbutrin), so I took tricyclics. Specifically Anafranil for depression, anxiety, ocd, etc. Don't give up. I know it's annoying but you'll find the right fit, pinky promise. In case you need antipsychotics, Latuda or Invega are good ones. I know you have it in you to keep living. One day, life WILL be beautiful for you. It took me years to get to a stable place, but the important thing is I never gave up. Fight for what you're passionate about. What brings you joy. The things you love. Even if it seems insignificant, it makes you smile. Lately, I've been enjoying things from when I was a kid. Carebears, stickers, toys, w/e haha. It makes my inner child happy. What makes your inner child happy?

im so glad to hear you found a good fit for you 🥺 i try to think that im gonna be fine one day and the thing that keeps me here the most is the fact that i dont want to hurt my parents and my grandparents and ruin their lives but my soul is just crushed. and i cant talk about it without literally sobbing and feeling physically sick, so i avoid doing that even though i really wish i could just do it.

i feel you about the little things from when you were a kid! lately ive been a lot into sylvanian families, they are soo cute. i even bought one last week.. as a little treat. also ive been crocheting little frogs but even that i know is a way to keep my brain occupied 🫠 i am also very much into cute stickers and just anything that reminds me of when i was little. it seems silly but you’re right, buying those kind of things helps to feel a little less heavy. mainly though i think painting is what is keeping me here but at the same time i know its not really because of my passion for it but because making something makes me feel like i have some worth as a person… its like i have to always be doing or making something otherwise im worthless lol

[midnightmisadventures]

Ive had so many fun dreams lately but for some reason i’m coming to write about the scary ones

Um been having nightmares. Last night and today. And they feel really heavy, but important. And frankly i do hate them. Please no more nightmares. But maybe if i write about them i’ll prove to spirit that im listening and then they’ll stop 

First Dream: 

Last night i had a dream where the fam of 5 was traveling, driving road trip vibes probably to florida. We were all together packing the car and idk how but all of a sudden erikka was missing. And we knew immediately there was foul play. We were in a sketchy area ad there were cars going in and out and we were afraid she was kidknapped for trafficking. It was so anxiety inducing, and i tried to keep praying and have a positive attitude that she was strong, she would find a way out, she would show make it home. I kept hoping she would show up any minute. But as hours past i kept getting more worried that i’d never see her again, that something terrible happened. And i was crying and and already grieving. In this dreamverse apparently something similar had happened to dalvin a while back. And erikka used some sort of manifestation power to bring him home safely. So i felt like absolutely garbage that i couldnt do the same for her, i was beating myself up. I kept saying “im supposed to be good at this, i feel useless” 

Next Dream: 

This one was so so very odd. Basically we were at chip and it was the anniversary of this well known historical environmental event. And it happened near the west end fairgrounds or something. So there was a lot of hype and press in our area during this.... 100th anniversary or something like that. I don’t really remember, but there were 10 guys all brothers and they won a contest? or something? from someone in....ohio or some random state. Back in the early 1900s. Anyway, an almost catastrophic event was witnessed by a bunch of people. A huge asteroid hurdled towards earth and grazed the side of it (near west end fairgrounds) and chipped a piece of land. It was marvelous that only a few inches kept it from hitting earth directly and splitting the earth in half. Or doing dinosaur level damage or something else crazy. It couldve killed a ton of people or been an end to humanity. So whatever....a hundred years later or so, they were able to do a super techy demonstration and show what almost happened and what didnt happen through like a hologram projector and the whole town watched and it was really snowy outside and i wasnt wearing pants. It was just trippy to think about how something like that could happen at any moment and kill us. For some reason i made the comment “it always scared me that the fact that an asteroid hasnt hit earth with humans on it is completely by chance and hasnt happened yet which means odds are it WILL happen soon. But i always forget about THIS historic moment, which makes me feel safer in that something technically DID happen” 

Final Dream: 

Okay so again, at chip present day. And i wake up with a bunch of messages from people from high school saying to call....our class prez. Which was so odd, ive never had a personal relationship with him. But everyone was blowing up all socials and talking about something crazy that happened. His twin sister reached out to me and said to call him. Like PV social media was going bonkers!! So i was busy all day, it was always ET’s birthday maybe for a date reference? And the more i ignored it, the more people hit my line. Even claire, messaged me by the end of the day saying “call class prez he’s really not doing well” and i was like WOAH. Cause that means people wanted me to call him so bad that they had reached out to my friends who didnt even go to pv to get my attention. I told erikka “idk why they want me, is it because im good at saying calming words” and she said idk it seemed more specific like he wants to “apologize.” SO then im like what?? By time i call him its 1:03am. But he answered and apparently. A couple of kids from our grad class passed away and class prez was really emotional about it. I remember one being Austin H. And he was so sad and unstable that he made a comment online saying something along the lines of “this is worse than gilaine maxwell creating slave camps for black people” ???? Bro i have no idea. 

So class prez gets ALOT of flack for this comment. I mean its career ruining, he’s getting death threats. So maybe he wanted individual calls from black peers to hear their genuine opinion? So we’re on the phone and he’s profusely apologizing, saying what he said was unacceptable. He said “im sure youve heard my ghislane maxwell comment” i said no...havent got the chance. So he plays me a historic video about supposedly the “actual history” of these slave camps he was referencing. The video had this eerie 1900s black racist cartoon vibe that makes my blood curl. It was about these talented black people being condemmed and found guilty for things they didnt do. The evidence was so blatantly there and still everyone convicted them and sent them to be tortured and die at these camps. It was EXTREMELY unsetteling to watch and to be watching with class prez. Also in the dream, it felt inescabable and scary and for a little it felt like i was there. Like it was playing in my chip bedroom but i went top bunk and i could feel the sticks they were beating the black people with. It felt soooooo evil and sinister, and seriously idk what ancestors are communicating with me via dreams or what they want because this was DARK. So then class prez is asking for my take, and why it matters, and why its bad. And im saying he obvious stuff. The videos message was basically like “it didnt matter if black people were educated, doctors, laywers, scientists, hey were gonna slaughter and torture us anyway” so i didnt know if the vibe was like “be greatful that black people are allowed to have careers?? or get vengeance on white people....it was just so intense. 

So when the video was over and i got off the call, i was so uncomfortable and unsettled. Felt like i had waken up from a nightmare or finished a scary movie. So i desperately tried to turn all the lights back on but ofc it was a dream so everything was dim. Still didnt catch it though. I tried finding my parents for comfort. 

Awful right? No more nightmares 

[emptyairsims]

Here are my answers: 

🌸 What's your earliest memory of playing the sims? Memories arent my strong suit, lol. Fibro fog is real.. But I have foggy memories of playing with a friend in elementary school on their computer.

💫 How did you discover the sims franchise? Again, I dont really remember.

🍇 What was your first sims game? The first one I owned myself. I think it was sims 2.

🍦 How long have you been playing the sims? Probably since it came out but I really wasnt a hardcore fan until sims 2.

🧋 What is your favorite sims series? (sims 3, 2 etc.) Lame answer I know but sims 4! I dont remember the original very well. Sims 2 was amazing but my old copy doesnt play anymore on my current pc. I hate sims 3 (yeah yeah I know). Sims 4 has great graphics and the mod potential is amazing, whats not to love?

🤍 Do you have a favorite sim created by you? Yes! To be honest it kind of flip flops between two sims though. For a while its Christopher then it goes back to Reynard (dont ask).

🧸 Favorite townie? (any sims game) Dont have one.

🍨 Do you have a sim self? If yes, do you play with them? I do. I was late to game on creating one though, just recently decided to jump on that band wagon. Yes, I do play with them.

🫐 How often do you play the sims? Every day. Often twice a day.

🌱 Do/Can you relate to any of your sims? I mean - yes and no. I see myself in some of the things I do in game because its an outlet for every day stress and anxiety - its my escape. But I play with a ton of occult sims so theres a lot of fantasy stuff going on in my game so also no.

🐬 Favorite sims challenge? I have actually never done a challenge. I have considered starting rags to riches but I just made my sim a hoe with perversions and it was to easy, lol. I dont follow challenge rules well (as you can see by the hoe thing) so challenges arent my thing.

👜 What in-game career would you choose if you were a sim? Does just entering the money cheat and then doing whatever I want count?

🌷 Which traits would you have if you were a sim? Are we talking like what traits Id want or what traits Id have based on what Im really like? Cause those are two different answers!!

🍮 Favorite thing to do in the sims? (Could literally be anything!) I spend a lot of time growing my families, seeing how big and far those bloodlines can go! I also like to cause choas and havoc depending on my mood. My game is full of drama and craziness.

❄️ Favorite in-game season if you own The Sims 4 Seasons? I disabled all of the stuff I can. Blizzards, thunderstorms, weather affects - disabled. We all know sims wont stay out of the damn pools in cold weather...

❣️ Do you talk about the sims with any of your friends/family members in real life? Yeah

✉️ How big is your mods folder? Right now... 72 gb but Im about to add  new stuff

☘️ Do you have any other social media where you post sims related content? I will post big mod updates - important bug information - and share my sim photos on my personal facebook page (if that counts). Im also one of the group mods in a facebook group for sims 4 pc players.

[smileyerim]

hi! warning: pretty long sorry <3 I was the anon about the financial stuff and I'm not exactly out of all my expenses since I am the only one paying for my school but since its a local college, it is significantly less so it doesn't put too much of a burden, but im also not working right now because it was just such a toxic environment (my manager literally tried forcing me to become a store manager after I told her I couldn't due to school AND she would call in an hour before her shift and have a manager from a different store cover her instead : / ) like very bad place overall imo. also like I relate so much with the whole going out situation because when my friends would invite me out I would just always say no even if I really wanted to because even if it is like just to see a movie for $5 or whatever, it still felt like a lot to me ? I grew up low income so anything that seems "unnecessary" to me automatically makes me feel bad for enjoying it even if I shouldn't if that makes sense. we should be able to enjoy doing things without worry but for some people it's really hard. I've even been called cheap before because sometimes I just refuse to even buy like ice cream or fast food because to me that money can go to something more important but then again it's a natural instinct to want to indulge a bit but it's just hard. ,, sorry for the rant !! : )

Thank you sm for being patient w my response time :) I was MOH in a wedding this weekend and I wasn’t able to actually sit down w my thoughts on this ask until now.

I’m sorry your current situation sucks. Bad school or work environments literally can ruin your entire perspective and outlook on life if they’re that bad. I’m dealing w a situation at work rn where someone I work with is so flippant with their responsibilities and it screws everyone over. I really do admire you for not continuing to subject yourself to the toxic environment! It’s so easy to feel stuck in a shitty job when you’re low income. I think you should be proud of yourself for prioritizing your emotional well-being!

I totally get the discomfort w leisure spending. There’s some habits that never seem to go away, like the anxiety that comes with spending money on something nonessential even though the spend is fine. I remember once I was sitting in the food court at the mall (lol) mulling over whether or not to buy this one discounted pair of earrings from H&M for $3.

Please please please do not apologize for sharing! I really value authenticity and community. Like I’ve said before, most of us are in our late teens and twenties. These are hard ages to live through and most people don’t have a community to share those growing pains with. If I can offer a safe space for young adults to be heard and related to, I want to do that! Belonging to a healthy community where I was validated and heard is the biggest credit for my growth.

You’re always welcome here! Always always!

[rrxnjun]

IM SORRY FOR ANSWERING SO SUPER LATE LIFE GOT SO HECTIC ALL OF THE SUDDEN☹️

STILL WITH THE TAKE THE STAIRS FIC U GAVE ME LIFE WITH IT ACTUALLY IT WAS SO NICE TO JUST TURN MY BRAIN OFF AND READ IT SO I THANK U FOR IT!! and like actually need a jaemin in my life istg!! AND THE SAME GOES FOR THE TEASER OF UR NEW CHENLE FIC!!! IT ALREADY SEEMS SO FUN!! SO EXCITED ABOUT IT!!! 🥳🤭

I AGREE I WOULD ALSO RATHER JUST GOOGLE THE END OF THE SHOW!!

AHH I HOPE U FOUND SOME ARTISTS SINCE THEN!!! AND THANK U SO MUCH FOR TAKING TIME OUT OF UR DAY AND TRANSLATING FOR ME!! IM SURE U ARE VERY BUSY AS WELL SO THANK U SO MUCH I REALLY APPRECIATE IT!!!!🥹🥹💝💓 and my god the lyrics are so☹️☹️☹️ it's just such a great song and now it even got so much better with understanding it!!!🥲

WELL IF IT DOES HAPPEN I WILL BE HERE XD parents smh /j (but like actually i understand them cuz traveling alone can be risky☹️) thank u i hope we will figure something out if it does happen🥹🥹

IM GLAD THAT U ARE DONE WITH ONE OF UR ESSAYS ALREADY!! AND I HOPE SINCE MY LAST ASK U STILL ARE DOING GOOD WITH UR SCHOOL WORK AND STUFF🥳

I LOVE UR POSTS THERE LMAO SO DONT BE SORRY and ofc i agree!!! zach was my fav from the why dont we boys🤭 OH MY I HAVENT HEARD ABOUT THE VAMPS IN AGES damn now i'm gonna go and listen to them😵‍💫(also saw that u turned into a treasure stan🫣 and ur take on jikjin!! it's such a great song glad u listened to it!!!)

(liebestraum anon💕 and sorry if i disappear again and for writing a lot i swear i will try and keep it short for once☹️)

AHH ITS TOTALLY OKAY!!!! cant say i didnt miss you but i ofc understand that u have your own life and responsibilities and such,, so dont worry about it🤍🤍 AND THANK U SM AGAIN!!!

DJDJSJ MY CHENLE FIC IS FUN BUT THEN IT GETS DEPRESSING REAL QUICK SO UHHH HOPE YOU'RE READY FOR SOME ANGST ;-; (also i started rewriting liebestraum. just thought i'd let you know<3)

im super glad u enjoyed my translation!! the lyrics are really screamable in my opinion,,, and i also hope i did them justice however i bet i did a better job than all of the ones i saw online :p its not the best artistic lyricism but i like it nonetheless DJSK sometimes u need simple songs to jam to.

travelling alone COULD be risky </3 me and my uni friends randomly travelled to vienna last week because it was warm out and we thought our seasonal depression was finally over and i love me some spontaneous decisions but also it was so anxiety inducing bc it was my first time going abroad with no supervision 😭😭 we had SO much fun but also the stress we were put through to find the bus platform back home ??? never again. was so bad that i broke my 5 month streak of not smoking bc i had to calm myself down somehow and then i was put through the stress of buying cigarettes in german when i caNT SPEAK GOOD GERMAN but 10/10 i would do it again and it made me more confident abt travelling with friends so i WILL drag my equally spontaneous uni friends to budapest as soon as i can. (please tell me they speak at least a little english there)

I AM ACTUALLY DONE W 4 ESSAYS NOW WHOOP WHOOP ‼‼‼ 4 MORE TO GO BUT IM DOING WELL NO STRESS SO FAR. HOPE YOUR SCHOOL IS GOING WELL TOO!

wait do u rlly bc i think im so annoying on there sometimes like girl chill😭😭 but ZACH WAS ALWAYS MY FAV TOO altho i did have a daniel phase. I havent listened to the vamps in ages either i should catch up or sum ;-;

omg dont mention the teumefication of bar i wont admit it to myself yet DHSKSK however jikjin is now my fav song and i fear seeing my 2023 spotify wrapped bc of it now. ive also been watching a concerning amount of treasure map and finding myself in love with jihoon but thats...not important rn.

ill be waiting for u liebestraum anon!!! dw abt sending long asks i always look forward to them🤍 hope your days are filled with joy mwah