#im sure the fandom also took a turn

[augustameretrix]

truth is I was expecting aot 4 to be... questionable if only because at some point I stopped seeing aot yuri from the people I followed. there used to be colossal potential so the only explanation was that something had gone very wrong

[crystallizsch]

hi ian i come bearing angst fuel for the yuusha as twsted elsa (maybe an idea for her possible overblot idk she kinda reads to me as someone whod preemptively isolate in the case she feels...blotty)

(also seeing that art of her playing violin totally didnt fuck me up im still nursing my bruised heart 🥴🥴💕💕)

https://youtu.be/NDldNaEZTt8?si=Wm71pgTltuJLjFvk

^^this is from the frozen musical where they gave a song to elsa to explore her emotional turmoil and it just fleshed out her character so much more than the orig movie (ok i havent seen frozen 2 oops) but just this section here:

Is everyone in danger as long as I'm alive?

Was I a monster from the start?

How did I end up with this frozen heart?

Bringing destruction to the stage

Caught in a war that I was never meant to wage

anyways lmao i jus think the song is neat i think yuushas neat (i wanna see more of her ahehehe i love seeing infodumps abt ur yuus)

-diodellet

(throwback to this “what if yuu had magic” ask where i had a ✨realization✨ and this more recent yuusha lore drop that i gave zero elaboration on 🙃)

very rough ob yuu design??? idk i came up with it on the spot ;;; and it’s kinda based on disney’s concept art of elsa when she was supposed to be the villain.

evil ice queen vibes :3

also i know the ob monster is supposed to be based on the villain— which is elsa in this case— but lowkey. an ice monster is way cooler.

also also i just realized after i drew this i couldve done a grim/yuu tandem overblot ough 🤧🤧 (next time I'll do that instead if i ever go back to this concept)

(read more below because it got SO long)

AAH anyways hi hi dio!!! when i saw your ask i went —

— with this entire post

AAGH HOW MANY MORE UNINTENTIONAL CONNECTIONS ARE GOING TO BE BETWEEN FROZEN AND YUUSHA

i guess watching the movie everyday when it came out when you’re like 9 does something to your brain chemistry (and still haunts you at least a decade later) 💀

but anyways the angst ;;; overblot yuu ;;;;; my brain is rotting and the worms have taken over

also i didn’t even know that there was a frozen broadway musical so im gonna have to check it out later 🏃💨💨💨

(also dont worry frozen 2 is a nice watch for the most part but the way they concluded the characters did not feel 100% satisfying to me 😭 BUT i love some of the songs tho ;;; kristoff’s goofy 80s ballad song is one of them specifically, i need everyone to listen to it)

hfgnnfhfgv anyways thank you so much i’m chugging that angst fuel as i expand more on a possible ob yuusha with another infodump 💪💪💪

⚠️⚠️⚠️ ALSO IM SORRY BUT mentions of taking one’s own life so please proceed with caution ⚠️⚠️⚠️

i had to reread what my initial thoughts about it bc it was months ago??? and after rereading im just like, huh what was i on— (just that feeling when you just cringe at your old posts ;; but idk i think the insanity/cringe sometimes can loop back into being a genius and the cycle just continues)

anyways i’ve been on and off writing yuusha’s bio and overblot yuu was just at the back of my mind chilling but i didn’t really do anything with it.

but now that i have the opportunity,,,, im gonna go on the magicless route this time bc i feel like I've said all what i thought if it was an overblot due to her own magic.

so uh from what i gather overblots are a mix of overuse of magic + intense negative emotion.

since it’s magicless yuu, i guess the one of the general headcanons around the fandom is that they’ve been too exposed to overblots and then intense negative emotions suddenly just triggered their overblot.

uh anyways onto the elsa parts

Is everyone in danger as long as I'm alive? Was I a monster from the start? How did I end up with this frozen heart? Bringing destruction to the stage Caught in a war that I was never meant to wage

THE LYRICS ARE SO GOOD ;;; i really love how some broadway interpretations expand on the source material

and yeah you're right 🤧🤧🤧— yuusha would try to hide and escape, especially as she overblots bc she would try to avoid hurting people (and like elsa, it'd only hurt others more trying to escape bc of probably how she leaves destruction in her wake trying to make others stay away from her ���)

(this is a small tangent but i remember thinking about an overblot kalim and i imagine him to be similar, like he would not hurt anyone intentionally in his overblot.)

anyways so the way it would go is that i imagine her friends got fatally injured either because a) she feels that she’s too “useless” without magic to help and wasn’t able to do anything OR b) her attempts at helping to try and prove that she can help without magic made everything worse.

and then she just goes into a guilty spiral then boom — overblot.

ALSO in the song, the way elsa briefly contemplated taking her own life but then realizing there’s no guarantee that would solve anything hnghgh (<- another unintentional parallel to my yuusha lore because that’s actually how she ended up in twst except she did NOT have the latter realization)

there’s this “yuu is dead” theory i’m just using and that the black carriage actually just caught yuusha’s soul after she took her own life from all the burden.

also some bonus angst context for that violin post :3

yuusha back in her homeworld is raised and known to be a gifted musician. people can feel the life and soul in her music but when people interact with her, they are usually met with an ice-cold (heh) personality.

the dead family member was the one who taught her music and the only one who was kind to her.

there’s always an expectation from her family to perform well and to keep up appearances as to not be a humiliation since anything she does can reflect on her entire family. (also hi, slight yuusha/jamil parallels maybe???)

the way she presents herself also stemmed from an incident as a child when she went apeshit on another kid bc she was defending a friend.

so from then on she was taught taught to conceal don’t feel those emotions — which just unfortunately extended to any positive ones, not just negative ones like rage.

so when she is brought to twst, there’s no memory of her being forced to hold back her emotions so she’s just unapologetically affectionate and open with everyone bc that’s how she really is.

but every now and then, memories of her breaking down haunt her in her dreams or as subtle reminders in the waking world.

then yuusha just goes on her day like she just wasn't reminded of her past.

(unnecessarily tragic lore my beloved, but anyway—)

another extremely brief tangent and bonus -> the two songs i had on loop while drawing pre-twst yuusha

lindsey stirling my beloved i love her music

the songs are such a vibe

her instrumentals in “lose you now” especially makes me feel some sort of way 😖

[tkbrokkoli]

c:

[weirdmageddon]

why i think aradia and john work so well

(with some stuff i’ve been wanting to yap about for ages)

have you guys ever given arajohn / johnradia (idk if its popular enough to even have a standardized ship name) any thought …? i know it seems kind of out of left field. i’ve considered it and i think its. really really good. i have a bunch of thoughts to unpack. come join me. and maybe grab a snack or something because i didn’t realize how much i'd actually have to say about this

(fantastic art by skeletood)

the other day i made a tweet that did rather well where i said, “john and aradia shouldve talked more. its so simple but i like how she actually earnestly answers his questions. so many characters in this comic are so mean to john for just wanting to know more give him a break”

putting it out there now im not big about shipping for the sake of shipping. there needs to be real chemistry. i need to sense that as a reason why two characters would potentially be a good influence on each other. i never knew why i was always so obstinate about this because it’s fictional and not materially hurting anyone, but i think it might be because i’m not sure how to justify it or explain it if not.

i strongly believe john and aradia would have had it made out for them if circumstances allowed it. (what i mean by “ship” or “johnradia” extends to any kind of interpersonal dynamic, even if just a good friendship. it doesnt even have to be romantic, just some sort of dynamic with them.)

unfortunately aradia originally committed herself to staying out of trolling the kids over their timelines, so john and aradia never talked until year 3 on the ship in the dream bubbles but they never had a truly proper one-on-one without outside meddling. i think if john knew aradia better and her story beforehand, she had more time to explain herself and her history, he wouldnt have been unsettled. and also of course if his experience with the trolls didn’t suck so bad because he already had expectations for how antagonizing most of them were.

i found people’s sentiments about johnradia elsewhere too. i remembered that they were both on the song art for ascend, and searched ao3 to see how many fics have been written to gauge how substaintial it’s been in the homestuck fandom. only 17 of them turned up. but the people who do talk about it are either curious about it or really do like it, and that interested me.

clearly it’s pretty niche character relationship to be depicted in any fanwork and i can understand why. despite being so small, from what ive seen it seems universally agreed upon to be nice. i haven’t seen a single person object to it. what ive seen falls into two categories: “wow i didnt think about this before but i actually dig it” or “(starving) finally some good fucking food”

the pattern im seeing is that people think it’s “random”, but i disagree. there is something there substantiating it even if they’re unable to articulate it.

the fanfic these comments are from is chronology of wind. that fic is really, really good, and sadly unfinished. i have more abstract reasons to believe why aradia and john would be good in theory, so actually seeing someone else actually make something with them helped me read it in action, to get a more tangible feel of the dynamic beyond what we have in canon.

i wouldn’t normally make claims about a relationship with regard to homestuck canon by looking at their relationship in a fanfic, because i think you all know by now i am very nitpicky about accurate characterization, and it does not go unnoticed by me when people get it right because for some reason it feels like a one in a million thing (even though it really shouldn’t be?). so this was a special case. the tone was completely consistent with canon. this fic is so in-character i’d basically consider it an extension of canon. to me it’s like they took the same characters and plopped them into this scenario to see how they’d interact. guys… i love that stuff so much. i love fanfiction or fanworks that depict realistic extensions of canon and stays true to the energy and tone of the source, but deepens it. there isn’t enough of it imo. i want to see more of it.

anyway, what i read of their conversations in that fic basically aligned with what i was thinking in my head about what i’d expect it to be like. i was able to compare how aradia and john talked to how aradia and the other characters interacted, their comparative attitudes towards each other—how they’re treated by others compared to how they treat each other.

have you noticed john and aradia’s communication values are both based on sincerity, being in the proper know, treating people fairly, and thanklessly taking on the necessary work that “must be done” in order to have what they really want — a good time that feels meaningful? and they accomplish this without any adjustment in how they talk to each other.

john is always subtly (or not-so-subtly) asking the people around him to answer him soberly and to the point so he knows whats going on and what that means for what his options are. he needs to know to what end he will be applying his absurd energetic drive into making shit happen. aradia honors his time before john can even become uncomfortable with the amount of time being eaten up by conversation. contrast this with rose, who seems to go on for a while with prose-like conversational adornments. in dire situations that need rapid explanation and definitive answers so he knows what to do, this is really the last thing he needs. aradia doesnt waste john’s time. she answers all his questions, and does it politely to boot. his time talking to her doesn't feel wasted.

john's impatience with this sort of nonsense is also why i can’t see something like dirkjohn working out, for example. to me it feels like @entropicbias also deeply understands this on some level because i literally couldn’t have demonstrated what i mean by it any better myself than that. i'm gonna have to to hit him up about how much i genuinely respect that like tbh hes one of the few i absolutely trust to handle writing and depicting these characters in situations and their interpersonal dynamics. and also care about doing their characterization justice as much as me.

of course people are still entitled to like whatever they like, ship whatever they want to. i dont care. but i just don’t think it would work from the perspective of the minds of the canon characters, how they generally think and approach situations. and i can already tell people might ask me how do i know this? what makes me an expert? i’m not more than anyone else is (although i have been called a "characterization expert" from my friends), but i do know that i can pick up on the energetic chemistry between people, including characters, honestly precognitively, without even thinking? like if it’s stiff or tense or awkward, if people aren’t free to express themselves uninhibitedly, if they feel unsafe or uncomfortable. i can sense this almost instantly. it’s something that’s a visceral feeling in my body i cant express and i have to rationalize it after the fact. like i’m doing now in fact writing this big analysis.

> listen to me talk about my special interest boy

for the next section to make sense, you probably want to read this post. i initially started writing it within this post to explain but there was so much brewing i had to explain the context that it turned into something i wanted to post on its own terms.

> okaaaaaayyyyy i read all that

thank you, really. my main point is using the conceptual tools provided by this system to expIain why aradia and john feel nice together and why i’ve seen people positively perceive the idea of a relationship between them even if it seems “random”.

framing them in this system, it wouldn’t be random! there’s a good reason they seem to fit nicely. this is because john and aradia have complementary forms of information metabolism. information metabolism is talked about in this section.

Jung’s psychic types are the types of cognition, or intelligence. But it would probably be easiest to call them types of IM [information metabolism], since the main difference between the types of people lies in their exchange of information with the external world.

Aushra Augusta, Commentary on Jung’s Typology and Introduction to Information Metabolism

aradia megido’s type of information metabolism (otherwise known as a TIM) is LII. john egbert’s TIM is ESE.

aradia and john’s types are duals. you can read more about what that entails here. in theory, their interactions would reflect the duality dynamic. reading chronology of wind, that one really in-character fic that explored their dynamic made me excited because they do!

michael pierce gave an overview of his impression of the characteristics of this intertype dynamic. despite only rough knowledge in socionics while he wrote this, his understanding of duality was spot on to me from my experience and others and i wanted to share it here. (fittingly, i believe he is also LII.)

Now we have the famous duality relationship: in a nutshell, this role is characterized by two traits: 1) a very close psychological distance or intimacy, and 2) a great ease of interacting with each other. It is sometimes described how meeting one's dual can be the event of a lifetime, because it inspires aspects in each party's character that they had never expressed before: the pair may even drop out of society for a time in order to focus on just each other, and to explore themselves through interaction with each other. The curious thing in this relationship is that these parties are rather different in outlook, and when they are not actually interacting as potential friends it's probably more likely for them to dislike or mistrust each other because of how different they are. […] However, when they are able to interact normally, it is a strange and wonderful discovery to realize that the interaction is unexpectedly smooth and invigorating. It's hard for people to describe, but as I understand it: while both parties recognize their differences on the surface, these differences are created by a root structure that coincides perfectly with each other, so that the differences on the surface are entirely complementary and cause no friction at all.

it’s also meaningful to consider that the structure of my own psyche is LII as well. so i’ve got a bit of a bias towards aradia and john.. not in the sense that what i actually say about them is personally biased, but that the bias is moreso my personal attention to people and characters of these two types in particular to see how my own experiences are reflected in them. i really do feel of a reflection of my own thought and work process in aradia and in the more abstract sense she is like an extension of myself. when people say they like aradia as a character i get secondhand joy from that because shares certain specific traits with me. of course i am still my own person though.

these are some of the most apt profiles i've found for these types at a glance. again, think about these characters as you read these descriptions. [from here (ESE / LII)]

ESE (Ethical-sensory extrovert) - john

The trademark quality of this type is a focus on socializing and guiding social situations and interactions so that the people involved can have fun and enjoy themselves. ESEs are typically in the middle of what is happening socially and know about the latest events and what people think and feel about them. They are skilled at bringing people together in fun and interesting ways and making everyone feel actively involved. Their friends know them as people who love life and feel most at home in social situations surrounded by other fun people. In their pursuit of fun-oriented and stimulating social interactions, ESEs typically neglect to structure their own thought processes and views in a way that would help them know exactly what they think and why. They are receptive to others’ attempts to help them introduce more structure and logical consistency in their life and thinking processes. They gravitate most to people who open up to fun and emotional interaction easily, yet are also skilled at systematizing thoughts and views and explaining ideological matters.

LII (Logical-intuitive introvert) - aradia

The trademark quality of this type is a focus on logical, structured thought and generating true assertions and views. LIIs are typically strict thinkers who are concerned that everything fits together in a logical way. They are skilled at understanding, generating, and criticizing logical arguments and instilling their views in the people around them. Their friends know them as people with well-organized thoughts and opinions who know what they think and can elucidate their ideas to others. In their pursuit of logical understanding, LIIs typically neglect their external social interactions and activities that would help them lighten up and experience a connection with other people. They are receptive to others’ attempts to create these fun and lighthearted situations for them. They gravitate most to people who are interested in their opinions and understanding of things, but are also skilled at organizing social interactions and creating a sense of emotional unity.

ive recently consciously experienced the feeling of duality for the first time since i've been communicating with my mom's high school classmate, and it is definitely a real thing. i even remember mom pointing out she noticed when we were all talking on the phone over a year ago that i perked up whenever he said stuff. here is how i explained it:

its bonkers how only once i experience something for myself i’m able to explain in detail what makes it so great based on what my impressions about it were because i tend to have a peculiar way of describing the qualities of an experience. my specialty is deep precision in my analogies for what it’s like. so now i can tell you how conversations with your dual feel… heres the status report. it’s weightless. its so strange. like the topic conversation stretches into infinity that you can pick right back up at any time. it’s hazy and unfocused but still pleasant (unless you’re particularly self-conscious and need to unlearn hiding your true self). but the best parts of it come when you have a specific issue or insecurity that comes with being your most natural self that the world seems to misunderstand about you, or just not give you what you don't even know you’ve been looking for. i think you might mutually intimidate each other at first because you're lowkey both expecting to be made fun of for your inadequacy with certain types of information that the other is nuanced with (and you’re not), but it never comes. you don't feel like what your dual wants in life is wrong. your dual seems so talented in all the ways you hope to shine but you’re always unsure of. for the introvert (me) wishing they felt their own active presence as an object (Se, Ne, Te, Fe) like the extravert does. for the extravert, wishing they felt their own relationships with other objects (Si, Ni, Ti, Fi) like the introvert does. any other intertype relationship (ITR) vs. duality is like the difference between 99% and 100% totality of a solar eclipse, except it’s the level of understanding with another person, like the eclipsing of your own information metabolism with theirs. of course there are other things that influence how well your relationship with this person goes, but i am talking strictly about when it comes to basic communication, the level of understanding you share. sometimes it might feel like you dont have much to talk about or the topic is unfocused, because you two ARE opposites in many ways after all, especially at a glance (domain of interests usually come with specific macroelements. theories about thought structures—like socionics, for instance—are in the domain of intuition, while physical interests and experiences are in the domain of sensorics.) i’m LII in the NT club (researchers) and my dual ESE in the SF club (social-communicative). so they’re constantly providing you with information from their own niche in life that you may be entirely unfamiliar with, but for some reason still interests and relaxes you to hear. you might not feel like you have a lot to say about the topic since but you are fully amazed by this person’s activity. it also makes you feel more sure of yourself and more confident that people truly appreciate and need your natural abilities.

> let’s break it down

here’s some lightly modified descriptions of the information blocks in LII and ESE's information metabolism models from pyatnitsky so you can get an overarching impression of how their type contributes to the informational sphere. i added some of my own adjustments and borrowed some sentences from stratiyevskaya's descriptions. additionally, you can click on the name of the block for an explanation of the role it plays.

i put about a week’s work into these collages but my goal with them was to actually show where i think these information blocks are most pertinent in these characters specifically and where they apply so it’s not just some abstract thing, just as supplementary examples as needed. (for the meaning of these information elements individually you can refer to cysia’s document.)

LII (Logical-intuitive introvert)

EGO (-Ti? -> -Ne!). Analytical thinking. They are well aware of the interrelationships of some objects or phenomena with others, and what laws are in effect or not in effect. On the basis of a comprehensive analysis, they put forward insights about the global essence of specific objects and phenomena, their possibilities. They acutely charge the situation with potential energy. For every situation, there is an archetype.

Super-EGO (-Fi? -> -Se!). Normative ideas about relationships between people and ways to get out of unpleasant ethical situations. Understands ethics as founded on the principles of fairness; to do to one side of the equation that you do to the other. Volitional manifestations in order to protect their living space are carried out only on the basis of personal experience. Because of the limited opportunities to fight back, they react painfully to attempts of any interference in his life. Does not respond to any arbitrary crudeness or volitional pressuring. Does not compromise goals, stubbornly clings to them. Avoids direct confrontation if possible, would rather talk civilly and earnestly. Uses their naturally strong sense of the conditioning of objects over time to avoid collisions with their material interests. Due to this, they may appear as someone with very little weaknesses.

Super-ID (+Fe -> +Si?) Attracts information about a good mood, a specific positive state, or a feeling. They would like to think that they can eliminate serious inconveniences, make the environment around them more comfortable. This skill needs to be evaluated. They are unconsciously activated when there is a need to make the environment more comfortable, which should lead to a better state, raise the mood at least in the immediate environment. In friendly, comfortable, and informal company, their cool exterior thaws and they start lighting up with joviality.

ID (+Te! → +Ni?). Has developed guidelines and methods that relate to specific practical activities, technological effectiveness, and resource use. Spontaneously feels the correct allocation of resources over time, which allows them to effectively solve tasks at an unhurried pace. This pace is deeply rational in nature.

ESE (Ethical-sensory extrovert)

EGO (+Fe! -> +Si?). Perception of the world is fundamentally emotional. Feels the emotional atmosphere well in any situation, knows the relevance of the way of expression, the place and weight (importance) of the internal state in each situation. Flexible approach to solving problems of managing and expressing emotions. They show bright emotionality both negative and positive. Creatively produces around themself comfort, coziness, conveniently arranges space, surrounds others with beautiful things, changing thereby the general condition and mood. Usually opinionated about their tastes.

(wow i really went all out on that this one that tumblr wont even display it in full resolution, so here. john just has so many more lines to choose from, sorry!)

Super-EGO (+Te! -> +Ni?). Practical and technological thinking is tightly based on acquired knowledge and patterns of solving similar problems. Methods of business activity in both general and specific areas are selected based on the opinion of reputable sources, or adjusted to one of the mastered templates. Predicting specific changes in the sphere of their interests is carried out only on the basis of personal experience. He is not able to compare his own method of forecasting with others, so he is sensitive to criticism of poor timing or deadlines, does not like situations that feel like a waste of his time; he is lost in connection with negative events. Guided by purely personal experience, he chooses specific times and deadlines for various tasks with a normative understanding of business activity in general.

Super-ID (-Ti? -> -Ne!). Attracts information about the order, specific logical relationships in the field of activity or interests. Needs someone to suggest specific ways to make connections between phenomena, patterns, and rules. Tries to be reasonable himself, even though he knows that this is not characteristic of him. Sometimes he openly talks of his actions that were poorly reasoned through, as if inviting other people to laugh at his thoughtlessness. The ordering and systematization of thought opens up a new way of understanding of events that are happening around him, as well as new prospects, potential, and capabilities. He likes to think that he understands the essence of a situation and lights up with new ideas. This skill needs to be evaluated. It is unconsciously activated when it is necessary to create order, clear consistency and clarity on a particular issue, especially if their abilities are recognized.

ID (-Fi? -> -Se!). Involuntarily keeps track of communications in their social circle. Without hesitation, they use a variety of ways to establish and maintain relationships that have been developed in his personal practice. Good relationships are important for personal inner confidence in a situation. To prevent unfavorable relationships, they are inclined, often without even realizing it, to act with pressure, forcing a showdown, forcing the partner to change the relationship for the better. Frequently demonstrates his resoluteness, persistence, and purposefulness, as if proposing his behavior as a model for imitation. Usually tells in much detail what obstacles were created before him, and how he overcame them, what he was told in response, and what he replied with, and so on and in the like.

(full res)

you might be able to see already how they would complement each other's thought process nicely. here are some descriptions of what the communication between these types is like:

+Fe! : program function of ESE and dual-seeking function of LII

The ESE periodically tells emotionally charged "program" function stories, telling of how somebody has acted and what they have done. The main orientation of ESE's leading ethical program is: "No one should be offended." The LII carefully listens to these statements, and, demonstrating a full understanding of these issues, develops logical basis for them, e.g. in calm persuasive voice he explains how the ESE has acted justly and fairly. The effusion of turbulent emotions coming from the ESE is counterbalanced by their absorption by the LII, who breaks them down into fragments by asking clarifying questions of the ESE.

-Ti? : dual-seeking function of ESE and program function of LII

The ESE is tuned to accepting information when it's relayed in clear logical form. He issues requests for logical explanations delivered from a point of view of generalized rules underpinning specific life events, which he receives from the LII, who delivers clear unambiguous interpretations, places the dots over all "i's", and demonstrates good understanding of problems that are of concern to the ESE. Not receiving information of this kind, the ESE begins making demands of those around him to be "intelligent" and understand the reasons of his actions.

-Ne! : activating function of ESE and creative function of LII

The ESE feels uncomfortable if he doesn't extend his help to people who are in need of it. His subconscious orientation is: "care and guard the talented", be kind and attentive towards other people. The LII usually meets such criteria by proving in action his aptitude at uncovering hidden capabilities, winning trust, passing on the knowledge. The ESE creates supportive conditions for people who are capable but lacking in assertive "push-through" qualities, among whom the LII finds himself, and a special work regime that protects such individuals from overloads on sensing functions. Newly discovered possibilities inspire and promote the pragmatic and business-oriented activities of the ESE. He can support a new undertaking or initiative with an enormous amount of energy and enthusiasm, light up by new ideas. Only the LII is able to, even having a vague general notion about the subject, construct a developed theory or idea of any issue. This theory shows to be promising in the process of its concrete application within its field.

+Si? : creative function of ESE and activating function of LII

LII tries to take care of their well-being, but may gravitate towards demonstrative asceticism, exhaust himself with work, studies, or exercise. The ESE periodically takes care of creating an environment that "charges" the LII with pleasant sensations: a reception of guests, a good meal, a visit to a theater or a concert, an interesting trip, and so on. At the same time the ESE takes pleasure in this himself.

+Te! : role function of ESE and observing function of LII

The role function of the ESE manifests as business-oriented activity and initiative, supplying interesting information, provision with material assistance to those who are in need, general restlessness and fussy busyness. This function is normative, i.e. the ESE seeks to comply with the norms and accepted ways of doing things. The nuancing of the understanding of these norms, i.e. introduction of activities that go beyond them, is possible only by considering LII's advice and recommendations. The LII serves as a director of this function, adjusting its workings by advocating the necessity of practical application of some beneficial ideas, rejection of useless though spectacular ideas, and the need to ensure standards of life not below average by rejection of equalization.

+Ni? : vulnerable function of ESE and demonstrative function of LII

The ESE poorly feels the flow of time, both physical, which manifests as running late and poor distribution of his strengths over time, and historical, which manifests as poor ability to anticipate consequences of actions and tendency for traditional ways of solving problems. The ESE finds it difficult to make radical choices. The LII fully takes this aspect onto his shoulders. He has an unconscious ability to distribute activities in time, thereby avoiding work stress and overloads, and is capable of making a radical choice. The LII is able to calmly wait and in the necessary moment get to work when the wasteful fussiness of the ESE reaches its critical point.

-Fi? : ignoring function of ESE and role function of LII

On this function the ESE gives advice and makes demands concerning the creation of appropriate psychological distances in form of proper behavior, courtesy and politeness, denouncing rudeness and boorishness. In this manner, the ESE adjusts LII's role function, which in itself contains a set of large psychological distances: a sullen stubborn look, unsociability, etc. With such fine-tuning it becomes easier for the LII to come into contact with people, whereby he becomes more animated, resolves many of his ethical problems that previously frightened him, gains greater insight into human relationships and a more accurate understanding as to whose side to take in situations of conflict.

-Se! : demonstrative function of ESE and vulnerable function of LII

The LII finds it very difficult to exert pressure on other people from his own will and initiative, especially in cases when he needs to attain something for himself. He finds this difficult to do - to press ahead in certain situations, to gather all the required paperwork, to stand in lines and queues, to petition for his own interests, even the ones that are of vital importance to him. He finds it difficult to push a person away, to sharply refuse someone, to quarrel loudly and defend his rights, to put an end to relations that have exhausted themselves. The ESE doesn't directly affect this function, i.e. he doesn't verbally criticize and teach the LII on this aspect, but takes over its functioning completely. The ESE exerts a constant, sometimes intrusive and imposing pressure on other people if there is a need to achieve something, to defend justice and demand fair treatment, to protect interests of those who are close and dear to him. The ESE goes to the right jurisdictions, inspires people around him and directs them towards work and purposeful activity, keeps up a high pace of life himself, and breaks off relations with those who don't deserve trust.

and some miscellaneous excerpts from literature i liked a lot. (i can't remember the sources i used since i've been working on this on and off, for the past week and i was just spilling things onto the post. i think stratiyevskaya?):

Mood - that’s what matters in this dyad - emotions and feelings. Anything that suppresses and overshadows good mood is considered unethical in this dyad and is strongly condemned.

The ESE does not allow the LII to limit him in the possibilities of consuming the amount of pleasures and joys, which he considers to be necessary and sufficient. Fortunately, both partners in the dyad - LII and ESE - are obstinate and unyielding. Both are demanding, unwilling (and not allowing anyone else) to lower the bar of their requirements, unable to give in and make concessions (especially in anything that is of principle for themselves). Both know how to make their partner reckon with their interests and insist on the fulfillment of their demands.

LII is impressed by the emotional generosity of ESE and his spiritual responsiveness. All this finds the deepest understanding in LII, since he is tuned to the same priorities and values. For his part, ESE admires the ability of LII to speak clearly and definitely on every issue. ESE is struck by the harmony of the reasoning of LII, the amazing clarity, accuracy and laconicism of his statements. To ESE it seems that for LII, there is nothing incomprehensible in this world; he can give a comprehensive explanation on every issue. And everything that ESE thought about before is gradually being built into a definite and clear system of views, which he can now very freely and naturally present. Confusion and chaos in his worldview gradually gives way to a stable logical order, as if someone patient and careful was sorting all his thoughts into shelves. Such clarity inspires and activates ESE; he begins to see some prospects for himself, new opportunities. His energy and activity, in addition to emotional and ethical expression, also receives sensory realization: ESE begins to take care of LII and carefully looks after him. If LII is a colleague with whom ESE is especially pleasant to communicate with, he begins to treat him with something tasty, homemade; will make some small, but beautiful and necessary gift (for example: new cologne or a warm scarf).

> okay that's great and all but when are we talking about john and aradia specifically?

yes, that was the point of this post. i just had to build all that up first so i could walk you through my thoughts in a fully substantiated way.

considering chronology of wind again, john doesnt realize it but he needs aradias frankness and insight. even if she’s unable to explicate on vague things, she states the reason why instead of making him feel stupid (it would create a doomed timeline) but thats all john needs to hear. she is self-effacing and only tells him the truth, and we know other people can take advantage of john’s suggestibility in this way. aradia tells john who is or isnt trustworthy, what actions would be useful/necessary and which ones wont, without any selfish personal motive a la vriska or terezi.

^ (juuuust the record my nitpicky ass doesn’t agree with the truth of the classpect interpretation on behalf of the author in the last bit BUT that is beside the point here. the point is that she is answering john’s question in a way that is meaningful for him)

aradia doesnt realize it but she needs john’s friendy goofiness to brighten her up because she is surrounded by people who antagonize her when she’s literally not even trying to get under anyones skin. everybody gets frustrated at her “spooky nonsense” because theyre afraid of their own mortality, basically telling her to put a lid on it because thinking about hard truths makes THEM personally uncomfortable. but to her it’s always just been a fact of life. plugging your ears to reality is ignorance, but at the same time that doesn’t mean there’s no meaning in anything. she wants to help people see this and she dedicates herself to becoming a psychopomp for the deceased and earnestly trying to make people feel emotionally and physically comfortable in their situation through exploring their memories.

john isn’t hostile towards her. by being herself she is immediately able to earn john’s trust when they initially talk. this is also true in canon; the one time they talked when john initially comes up to her, saying “can i ask you something? seem reasonable, and pretty nice.” unfortunately he asked her the one question she didn’t have much to say about, and i can’t blame him for expecting all the troll girls to be basically insane at that point. but i don’t think aradia is insane. yes she is odd, but i think it’s evident that she has a good head on her shoulders with knowledge of the way the universe around her works, and in the end wants to simply bask in watching it play out. i think she deserves to get childishly excited about it, especially considering she was dead for most of her developmental years.

aside from getting his answers answered, john shows curiosity about her and her species and even care about her well-being and state. this naturally comes from their conversation’s ebb and flow. aradia tells this straightforwardly, without bells and whistles and without trying to trick him, unlike the other trolls who seem keen on well..trolling him.. and providing him with unclear answers to those sorts things. maybe aside from vriska, but she did have a little bit of an attitude about it wherein her and john’s dynamic felt uneven or off-rhythm, with a large psychological distance. it’s a different feeling with aradia, however. they exchange information on the same rhythm and so are able to achieve a closer psychological distance in communication.

there are no judgments coming from aradia about john being “stupid”. she doesn’t underestimate him. it’s not just that john wants to understand (although he does), but he needs to understand what he is doing. aradia compliments john about the traits he possesses that allow him to be effective. i guess in a way i’m doing the same thing with john right now.

john is so mobile and strung along by being the action hero going from place to place as a can-do deliveryboy that he never has time to reflect on his losses, think through them, and accept them.

literally who else is more qualified in all of homestuck than aradia for talking to john about these things?

on top of all of this, they have objectively significant connections beyond just mutual self-realization in a way i think could've been fleshed out. there is potential here.

for a story, i can think of a way that a conversation between them could plausibly happen using the systems established in homestuck's mythology. in canon, we see that john never met aradia until year 3 on the golden battleship in the dream bubbles when he goes to sleep.

but john still dreamt out in the furthest ring. that means during those 3 years it was possible for john to have had a dream with her in it, or at least aradiabot. i know john didn't know aradia's name beforehand but let's just explore the possibility that they could have had met before that. remember that all these aradiabots were once this person.

aradia had obtained john's crosbytop, his dads hat, and his wallet quite a while before their sgrub session. theres your entry

imagine john seeing that

memories of dear old dad get stirred up through the link of seeing those items

the dream bubble transforms

john is forced to stand in his memories and explore grief and the meaning of life with aradia

physically being in the space around him would definitely help john reflect easier i think because it will force him to actually exist within the space and talk to someone, taking some time out for this. he wanted to know if anything could've been done or if he was just too late to save them. i know aradia would be able help him slow down and introspect. don't forget the opportunities created by the properties of these spaces that are glubbed out in the furthest ring by the horrorterrors that meld the labyrinthine time and space of their surroundings to the memories of the people and finding others through common points in memory. i would imagine that objects known by multiple people would provide a common point in memory to bring them together.

The bubbles allow the players of Sburb/Sgrub who have lost a life to continue dreaming. The reality constructed in the bubbles is a combination of the memories of everyone inside the bubble accessible to any who has learned the bubble's nature. According to Aradia, it would be quite difficult to exit a bubble to get into a new one, however someone inside a bubble can travel to another one through common points in memory, taking their own memories with them to be integrated into the new bubble. These memories mix and combine, but in general, no new memories are created. Additionally, the bubbles store the consciousness of a player who has lost their dream selves and their original selves, making them double as a form of afterlife; the player is then capable of accessing the memory of anyone else who has gained access to the bubbles. Living players, who have lost or become their dream selves, appear in the dream bubbles when they are asleep. It is in this fashion that the bubbles can be used as meeting places between the dead and the living; even those from alternate universes and doomed timelines can be found in a bubble. Furthermore, in addition to memories, the bubbles can to some extent reflect the thoughts of a player. Beyond that, the bubbles can also behave similarly to Skaia's clouds, showing things that are in some way relevant to the player - such as when coin-flip Dave saw alpha Dave grieving over Bro's corpse - something he was not aware of before being shown it by a bubble.

physically reflect the thoughts of the player…… rubs hands

john and aradia share points in memory related to those objects, and to top it all of they are directly related to john's dad on the same day he died, while aradia grew up with them as bizarre alien artifacts from an archeological dig. the memories are more emotionally charged for john, and i think that distinction would probably be relevant to them both.

to be honest i think after speaking with him for a bit she would readily tell john that she regrets not talking to the kids from the universe her team created sooner before she died, but is glad that she can in the afterlife. in canon, alpha aradia told a doomed dave, "i think its absurd i never introduced myself to you in all that time i spent moping around the lab. guess i wasnt in a very good mood".

now not all the aradiabots would know who john is, because the trolls only found out about the humans once they created the genesis frog and hid out in the lab in the veil from jack who infiltrated their session. the aradiabot in the lab was the last one that survived. so if any one of them would know who john is, it would be the aradiabot that exploded. aradia's dream self ascended to god tier in jack noir's rampage on trolls' derse and took those memories with her which we can assume is what made the last aradiabot explode. its known that any original copy that dies when another rises up becomes a ghost and lives on in the dream bubbles, which would include her. a doomed aradiabot we see in the comic, which was the one that originally landed to alternia in the past, becomes more lighthearted after she dies, a bit more like her alive counterpart.

oh yeah, and the more obvious surface-level connections to top it off? ghostbusters? john ain't afraid of no ghost girl. john would be genuinely interested in what aradia living as a ghost irl on her planet and not as a gaming abstraction in the furthest ring would be like. i imagine she would be able to explain the subjective experience and that she had to prototype herself into the kernelsprite order for her server player to see her. there's also no way john hasn't seen a movie as classic as indiana jones and judging from her poster i can imagine he probably thinks it's sweet that aradia's strife specibus whipkind is a reflection of her own personal tastes, interests and hobbies.

so yeah i've just been chewing on all of this and thinking about it but i know i needed to just get this out there somehow. obviously since i spent two weeks putting this post together i'd be happy to hear your thoughts

[menlove]

[image id: an ask from @harbingerofskulls that reads: "im gonna b real i only knew the jerking off i would love to hear you elaborate more if you want to go on the whole situation" /end id]

answering here so i can save as a draft without risking the ask disappearing bc tumblr's been doing that lately but

oh god </3 for everyone else- it's talking about this post. sooo i'm gonna go through each one bc i've been feeling insane for several weeks. i'll do my best to cite my sources lmao

i don't know (johnny johnny)

this is referring to this unreleased VERY early beatles track from 1960. the audio quality is absolute shit & as such unfortunately people love to put words to it that don't make much sense in either direction (i.e a lot of mclennon fans want to hear "you're in love with me" and a lot of people that hate mclennon will just make up the weirdest lyrics that make 0 sense so it's Not Gay). some of the lyrics that ARE clear make it obvious this song is about the two of them running away together- at one point i'm fairly certain paul says "how am i gonna tell my father that we're leaving town?" probably referring to them leaving to hamburg. which would be fine but some of the other lyrics areeeee..... very..... Hm. like multiple times paul refers to john as "my boy" and there's bits of them talking about not knowing what to tell their friends & wanting to just run off together alone. if i were the other members of the band having to record this i would have killed them with hammers <3 also the entire end is just paul going "oh johnny" like 1 million times. okay. sure. also since the lyrics ARE so garbled i mean i guess people could be right about it saying "how am i gonna tell my father you're in love with me" but i just don't hear it. still, a very gay song about running off together and getting away from everything and everyone, complete with moaning the other's name </3

2. paris

this one is a huge part of McLennon Fandom Lore lmao but for good reason. not citing sources on all this bc it's one of those that's just Fact & can be found in like any beatles biography or thebeatlesbible.com (my savior) but. for john's 21st birthday, he got 100 pounds from a rich relative. instead of taking his girlfriend or any of his other friends, he decided to use the money to take paul to spain. but they stopped in paris on the way and just decided to stay there. which i mean like. taking your best friend over your girlfriend to the city of love is a little weird but it's not THAT weird. it's everything else that makes people want to chew glass about it. including some of the other things on this list. like this audio of john just goofing around singing about paris and paul, with such hits as "my cheri, my pau pau my pau paul." which is :| okay best friend. and paul has this picture hung up in his house that he took of john sleeping in paris. okay. sure. why not. (although ig there's some doubt about if the photo is from paris? either way it's a picture paul took and has framed in his house which is incriminating enough my man). also NOT in the original post but may pang, a woman john had a brief affair with in the 70s, wrote a book called loving john. in it, there's this quote:

After a late lunch, Linda launched into a long paean to the joys of living in England. When she was finished, she turned to John and said, “Don’t you miss England?”

“Frankly,” John replied, “I miss Paris.”

okay! also in an interview once he said:

The thing was all the kissing and the holding that was going on in Paris. And it was so romantic, just to be there and see them, even though I was twenty-one and sort of not romantic. But I really loved it, the way the people would just stand under a tree kissing; and they weren’t mauling at each other, they were just kissing.

(interview with david scheff for playboy in september 1980)

3. if i fell

this one i already made an insane post on that started my spiral into posting about the beatles publicly </3 but, essentially, the song "if i fell" by john is..... well it's most likely about paul. he said it wasn't about his wife but that it was auto-biographical and he never really had any public affairs that weren't flings, certainly not a lover. but most damning is he wrote the complete lyrics for the first time on a valentine's day card addressed "to paul with love" with some hearts and arrows pointing to where the lyrics were written. absolutely insane. made me insane.

4. oh! darling

rawest paul song of all time if i do say so myself lmao. but it's just.... Highly Suspicious, that's what it is. a Lot of beatles fans/historians will admit this song is most likely about john but they won't admit that it's fucking romantic if it is. like.

like that is so blatantly romantic idk what to say other than that. also, in the official recording on abbey road, there's Several points where paul says "darling" that sound more like he's saying "johnny" which is what he called him. people brush it off by saying it's his accent, but there's a very clear difference between when he's saying "darling" and when he's saying "johnny". i mean the Lore behind this is that it was written right when things were splitting up between them (& the rest of the band) so it makes sense and it's why most people are willing to accept it's about john. it's just insane to me that they'll accept it's about john without considering the implications of that.

5. the real life demo

this one made me want to light myself on fire i won't lie to you. but here it is! john had a song called "real love" and this is a very early demo of it. but instead of the lyrics that came to actually be in the song (which are thought to be about yoko but let's not get into the fact that it was on a tape labeled "for paul" but whatever), it includes john fucking crying as he sings saying:

"was i just dreaming or was it only yesterday? i used to hold you in my arms. and now a baby and another on the way... la la la la farm..."

which can quite literally be about no one else but paul, as this demo was recorded when he'd just had two children with his wife linda and linda was pregnant with their third child. they'd moved to a farm in scotland. hearing this audio clip did genuinely make me want to lie down in the dirt for a week. also "i used to hold you in my arms" just... yeah. god. when people think it was unrequited idk what to say, really.

6. If Paul Were A Woman-

shoving these two together but. in april of 85, paul said in an interview about john and yoko's relationship:

"I mean, I couldn’t stand in the way of someone who’d fallen in love. You can’t say, 'Who’s this?' You can’t really do that. If I was a girl, maybe I could go out and…"

okay bestie <3 and what would make your relationship different if you were a woman? interesting! and yoko had something similar to say. in this audio, she says:

"I’m sure that if he had been a woman or something, he would have been a great threat – because there’s something definitely very strong between John and Paul."

just reminds me of being a kid and telling my best friends "if i were a boy i'd date you" lol. incredible. does anyone here know about bisexuality.

7. stuart!

not much to say here except that john had a best friend, stu sutcliffe, who died young & before that had been the bassist in the band. paul fucking hated him sooo much oh he SEETHED. a lot has been written on that relationship but it was.... very interesting to say the least. it could have just been about the band, or just jealousy over john's friendship, but take that with a lot of john biographers suspecting john had feelings/even a sexual relationship with stuart and it paints a very Interesting picture to say the least

8. john's bisexuality

here's a compilation of quotes about it, but john was more than likely bisexual. which has nothing to do w paul, really, but more to do against people that like to claim they were both Heterosexual Men. although an interesting quote in this compilation is him saying he's "had paul" lmfao

9. paul's post-beatles work

there's just.... there is so so so much here i don't even know where to begin. @ringompreg has a good compilation of paul songs here. a lot of them do take a bit of Lore but like..... it comes down to the fact that both him and john have/had admitted many times to using their lyrics during The Breakup Years to talk to/reference each other and sooooo many of these lyrics are insanely blatant. the two i mentioned were tug of war and let me roll it, both of which are acknowledged to be about john by most people WITH NO ONE BOTHERING TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE IMPLICATIONS OF THAT which..... tug of war has this:

we could stand on top of the mountain with our flag unfurled? dancing to a beat played on a different drum? this is what gaylors think gaylor conspiracy is but paul mccartney is really out here saying this shit.

and let me roll it is so fucking blatantly romantic but every reviewer is like haha! what a cool song that's "making fun" of john and clearly in his style! like are straight people stupid genuinely. anyway:

bonus to that but about JOHN'S solo work :)))))) he wrote a song called "watching the wheels" and when you consider he very much responded to MANY of paul's solo stuff it's :)

which as a response to let me roll it would just be... so devestating but it may be a stretch idk if i'm onto anything there it's just worth Mentioning

and there's a lot of others, a lot of them in that post up there. like far too many where paul mentions falling in love with a friend like Alright.

10. paul's first lsd trip with john/"i know" "i know"

this one is less blatantly romantic but it is just insane. here's an article. and a quote from george martin about it. the first time paul tripped on acid w john was bc john accidentally took some and he took him home & then took acid w him bc he didn't want john to be alone on the trip :( but, notably:

"And we looked into each other’s eyes, the eye contact thing we used to do, which is fairly mind-boggling. You dissolve into each other. But that’s what we did, round about that time, that’s what we did a lot," the singer recalled, "And it was amazing. You’re looking into each other’s eyes and you would want to look away, but you wouldn’t, and you could see yourself in the other person. It was a very freaky experience and I was totally blown away."

he also apparently saw john as the, and i quote, "emperor of eternity" during this trip??????? okay

SOMEWHERE i can't find it rn and i'm getting lazy but somewhere they (i think paul?) talk about the fact that they used to just stare into each other's eyes and then say "i know" "i know" which. considering john's song "i know (i know)" makes me crazy

11. in my life/i will

these are really just some devastating songs with lyrics that make you really raise your eyebrows. for in my life, written by john, it's just an incredibly romantic & sweet song that is again, not about his wife. given that the lennon estate is still out here posting pictures of paul to those lyrics i have to say it's a liiiiittle suspicious. and i will is...... it's one that paul insists is not about his girlfriend at the time, jane asher. and when you look at the lyrics vs how him and john met.... like. the song goes:

and the story of how they met was that paul saw john repeatedly before they ever met, when he didn't know who john was other than that he thought he looked cool & admired his sideburns (lmfao). and when they did finally meet, it was when john was singing at a garden fete (party) and paul was in the crowd just Mesmerized. so. well. you can see.... you can see how fitting that is. makes me crazy makes me want to chew glass actually

12. "we were each other's intimates" and other insane quotes

"we were each other's intimates" is a paul quote about john which is just insane but that's not even the tip of the iceberg. here's a ton of quote compilations.

13. "literally everything else"/honorable mentions

some honorable mentions go out to: john going on stage w elton john & playing i saw her standing there and introducing it as "a song by an estranged fiance of mine" okay! the "just like starting over" demos. okay! which isn't even to MENTION the fact that paul locked himself away in the studio listening to "just like starting over" on repeat for DAYS after john died like???? john saying repeatedly that he considered paul & yoko to be his two major partners in life including in an interview the literal day he died. a whole ass rpf movie where they kiss & talk like they're ex-lovers and dance in central park (two of us) made by the same dude that made the let it be movie like. he knew them personally? he worked with them closely? and the only thing paul had to say about it was just essentially that it was what he wished would've happened like???????? i can't find a super reliable source for this so take it w a grain of salt, but apparently paul referred to mclennon fanfiction as "beautiful stories" and doesn't mind them being written. paul also had a cat that had kittens & he named two of the kittens pyramus and thisbe after fictional lovers he and john played and he gave pyramus (the character paul played) to john :|

and literally so much else like all of this and it's not even all of it. it's not even close to all of it. i didn't even get to talk about the way in "get back" the documentary, paul started talking about john leaving the band for yoko and how john would choose her over them and then he got teary eyed, started choke laughing, and then started singing "build me up buttercup" before looking at the cameras and stopping. what the FUCK was that about! IT'S NOT EVEN GETTING INTO THE SONG "TWO OF US" THAT'S SO OBVIOUSLY ABOUT JOHN THAT IT HURTS. it's. it's not even scratching the surface. they were just genuinely insane about each other.

[mochinek0]

Daminette December 2023: 12-Betrayal (SUB)

CONTINUATION OF 10-DEFEATED...

The fashion department of Wayne Enterprise found the whole situation between Marinette Dupain-Cheng and Damian Wayne funny. Damian avoided their area, as demanded by the other Waynes and Marinette. They took to calling them Wayne Enterprise's own Romeo and Juliet, seperated by his family. Everyone knew they were dating.

Marinette had agreed to date him and Damian had been happy to try to work out his emotions. She had asked to keep their dates casual for a bit: coffee, movies, cafés. She didn't want anything big for at least six months, if they made it that far.

Damian refused to admit it, but he was excited. It had now been a year since he met her. She had changed his view of thinking and challenged him.

"Marinette, will you have dinner with me?" Damian questioned, as he handed her a coffee.

"Yeah." Marinette answered, "When?"

"I do not mean our usual dinner." he replied with a smirk, "It has been six months, as you requested. I would like to invite you out and make a reservation."

Mari looked at him, surprised.

'Has it actually been that long already? He has been nice and he hasn't gone back to how he was when we first met.'

"Yes." she smiled, "I'd love to."

Damian felt his lungs betray him, as he stood in Marinette's place. He hadn't expected Marinette to come out in a cocktail dress, her hair down in waves, or in heels. Damian thought back to those months long ago, when he confessed.

Damian felt his family walk away from them and give them privacy. Marinette had leaned close to him when they had left.

"If you think my business suits are innapropriate, Mr. Wayne, then we're gonna have a problem when we go out on an actual date." Marinette declared.

Damian had felt his ears warm up.

He didn't think she had been telling the truth. Her cocktail dress was above her knees and the dress was off the shoulder, revealing her collarbones.

"Ready to go, Damian?" Marinette asked.

"Yes." He answered, his heart betraying him further.

He had made sure to make a reservation ahead of asking her, just in case.

"I enjoyed our time at the resturant." Damian spoke, walking Marinette back to the door of her apartment.

Mari smiled, "It wasn't bad and the food wasn't horrible. It was nice to have French cuisine again. Maybe it's something we could do every other month?"

"I would find that enjoyable." the Wayne heir answered, "You were also correct. You surprised me with your apparel, yet again."

"Oh?" Marinette inquired, leaning in.

Marinette bent her knee backwards and lifted her leg, gaining his attention. Mari reached down and pulled wha appeared to be her skin. She could tell Damian was confused as to why her skin was elastic.

"Skin tone leg warmers." Marinette smiled, "Insulated, too."

Damian turned to her, about to ask a question, when she kissed him.

"Good night, Damian." Mari spoke before going inside and closing the door.

Damian stood outside the closed door. It took him a moment to realize she had really gone inside. He chuckled to himself.

'She still continues to surprise me. Mother would definitely like her.'

TAGLIST: @maribat-calendar-events@animeweebgirl@a-star-with-a-human-name@meme991001@vixen-uchiha@abrx2002@alysrose-starchild@fandom-trapped-03@dood-space@moonlightstar64@saltymiraculer@marveldcedits20@09shell-sea09@icerosecrystal@animegirlweeb@insane-fangirl-of-everything@blueblossombliss@nickristus-dreamer@megawhitleycalderonpaganus@missmadwoman@meira-3919@princessdaisysolosyourfaves@blep-23@fangirlingfanatic@darkhinauniverse@ravenr22@im-a-satanic-ritual@ravennm84@bianca-hooks123@a-slytherinish-gryffindor@starling218

[rrcenic]

sorry for posting so much about the neil gaiman thing im very opinionated but heres my general take on neil gaiman (TW FOR S/A AND SU1C1D3!!!!)

good omens fandom please read this. yall need it

i wanna start with: believe victims. it might not be as bad as it was claimed to be bc the reporter was an anti bdsm terf who considers all bdsm 🍇 (including the bdsm w neil), but there was still clearly manipulation, weaponized power imbalance, and dubious consent. even if it wasnt s/a, it was fucked up. neil did some fucked up things

while we dont know if he actually s/ad those women, neil gaiman is clearly flawed

ive seen time and time again that his fans (specifically the good omens fandom) can get so viciously defensive of him that they refuse to see any flaws he has

as someone who was ruthlessly attacked because of neil, i hesitate to give him the benefit of the doub

when i had just turned 13, id just gotten on tumblr. i was thrilled that good omens season 2 was coming out. i was even more thrilled to see neil gaiman on tumblr. so i sent him an ask where i asked if crowley and aziraphale would kiss. i get why that was annoying. he probably got those asks all the time. but i worded it respectfully, and i was genuinely unaware that he was annoyed by this question

he responded to my ask with a multi paragraph callout post talking about how sick of this question he was. harsh, but not necessarily nefarious

the response wasnt the problem. it was that i got so many hate comments and death threats and people telling me i didnt deserve joy and i was ruining neils life and so many fucking anon "kys" asks that i had to quit tumblr. i tried to apologize to neil, i sent him countless apology asks where i begged him to ask people to stop cyber bullying me, but he never responded. it took years before i was able to communicate to him all the hate id received. his response was a basic "sorry for the miscommunication" and that he wished there was a way to convey tone on the internet (someone said "there is! tonetags!!" and he responded with "i dont like those"). the SAME COMMUNITY who told me to kms was suddenly saying "oh neil your such a saint" (THE TERM SAINT WAS USED MULTIPLE TIMES!!!!!) and "this poor ignorant child"

i was a kid and i was bullied off the internet and neil didnt respond to my pleas for forgiveness for almost 2 years. i was also in the most unstable time of my life. i was EXTREMELY suicidal. people telling me to kms deeply affected me

plus he reblogs a ton of "vote blue no matter who" stuff. i dont agree w that statement but i think its okay for people to say if they actively support palestine. but neil gaiman doesnt post about palestine ever other than reblogging posts that say "sure maybe the stuff in palestine is bad but if you dont support biden 100% democracy will crumble!!!" also im pretty sure he never apologized for some older zionist posts

ive seen a lot of stuff where people are saying "hey shhh its okay i see good omens fans getting sad bc of the stuff with neil but its ok!! youre still a good person even if you ignore this issue!!" and like. huh??? i dont think ignoring it makes you evil but its certainly fucked up to not be critical of the media you consume. pretending nothings going on is immature. you all sound like jk rowling fans smh

his general attitude towards fans makes me uncomfortable. ive seen people bare their souls in his asks (all of them start with something along the lines of "oh sir mister gaiman sir i am nothing but a disgusting peon compared to you you saved my life id die for you!!!") and he gives rude cold responses. i mean of course he gets annoyed and of course he gets spam but no one is forcing him to respond to asks. he doesnt seem to care very much??? this doesnt make him a bad person ofcourse but it does give me the ick

summary: even if he didnt s/a those women his fans need to grow up. he is not a pure perfect person. he might not be evil but he makes some extremely damaging choices. hes not a saint and never has been. at the end of the day, hes a rich cishet white man

[zsupika]

Levithan being clingy??

Clingy!Leviathan x Reader

A/N: im sorry I took so long to write this.. I know I've said it before but writers block gets me every couple of weeks (or days smh). I've also been a little inactive in the obey me fandom so I kind of pushed this request to the side.. But now I finally got myself to write this and I had lots of fun with it. Levi is one of my faves and he's so cute >~< enjoy!!

Leviathan is clingy. Always. Just seeing you with his brothers makes his stomach twist. I imagine him to get so anxious as soon as you talk with anyone that he might compare himself to. I think him being clingy and jealous sort of goes hand in hand. He loves to spend him with you. Whether it might be gaming, sleeping, eating or relaxing together. He's down to do whatever if it means doing it with you. Especially in the mornings when you try to get up and do something, he'd get so whiny and beg you to stay in bed a little longer.

Whenever you go out to buy snacks or other supplies, he'll offer to come with you. And how could you possibly say no when he asks you, right?

You two shopping together would quickly turn chaotic. Levi would, at some point, just start throwing random snacks for you two to eat together into your cart.

He rarely leaves your side, especially when you sleep in his room. But I think he would accept your boundaries, such as if you wanted to spend some time alone. He'd definitely ask himself if he did something wrong but once you explain yourself properly to him, he'd understand. Whenever you play games together, he'd purposely let you win and play it off so you don't notice. It's cute, honestly.

When you two sleep together, he clings to you like an octopus, with your legs intertwined and arms thrown around your waist. It's comforting to have his scent all around you, and he'd make sure the other brothers know that you're his. He's rather possessive when it comes to you.

[depressopax]

hiii! im not sure if you write for gus (brba/bcs) but if you do, could i request a few headcanons (sfw or nsfw) of him with a gender neutral partner if possible :0 maybe qualities he finds attractive/would like in a partner, physically or personality wise or whatever you have in mind:] tysm ! i hope youre having a good one ♡

Tysm for the request!! <3 I made it into some relationship headcanons but tried mentioning what he likes in a partner etc… It may have turned out a bit dark lol, sorry ‘bout that 😭 Anywaysss hope ya like it! Have a good day anon!! 🫶

Gus Fring relationship headcanons

Fandom - Breaking Bad/Better call Saul

Gus x gn!reader - (N)SFW headcanons

Pairing: Gus Fring x gender-neutral reader Genre: Fluff, smut, (kinda angst too??), headcanons Warning(s): Slightly possessive Gus, cuss words. Sexual content (marked further down as “NSFW”, MDNI! Dom/sub dynamic, degradation. Words: 1.4k Summary: Being in a relationship with Gus Fring would include…  English is not my main language, if I make any spelling mistakes please let me know so I can improve my writing! <3 || AO3 link || Masterlist || Request ||

SFW

First time Gus saw you was at Los Pollos Hermanos.

You were there with some friends and you immediately caught his eye.

Maybe it was your smile, your eyes or the way you talked to your friends that made his heart skip a beat

That, or the fact you and him made eye contact at least 4 times. 

But because of his dangerous life and past relationship traumas, he let you slip through his fingers, to not drag you into his chaos.

Or so he thought at least.

Truth is, you felt a spark, too. There was something dangerous about him, but also something charming.

Curious as you were, you went to LPH more often, hoping to catch a glimpse of the mysterious man - eventually learning he’s the manager. 

Gus of course noticed you being there more often. Ignoring you got harder.

One day you decided to shoot your shot - the same day he decided to strike a conversation with you. 

You learned his name is Gustavo Fring.

There was something about his smile and way of talking that charmed you.

But he also seemed very reserved and troubled. He seemed afraid to answer your flirting and got really flustered from it.

Just as you were about to give up your flirting attempts, he surprised you by asking you out on a date.

Of course, you said yes.

Gus enjoys good food and luxury, so it was no surprise he took you to a 5-star restaurant for the first date - his treat.

Not having been on a “real date” in over a decade, Gus was a nervous wreck lmao

Luckily he is good at handling stress. You barely noticed the emotions he kept under the surface. 

The date went really well. Gus is a good listener and listened to you in a way that was rare.

Even when you got a bit too nerdy about your interests, he listened with a smile. 

 But it did make you a bit concerned when he dodged questions about his own personal life. 

He realized himself how weird that must've come across, getting anxious that you wouldn’t contact him again.

Luckily, you did. 

Gus kept taking you on dates. 

The more he got to know you, the harder he fell in love. 

Actually - he figured he was in love already after the first kiss. 

Once getting clarity in what he felt, he knew what he had to do - Telling you the truth about who he is.

The fear of losing you was big. 

…But the fear of you staying, becoming part of his dangers - was bigger.

He explained to you how he had fallen in love with you, before dropping the bomb.

You were shocked, of course. 

After some days of thinking about what he’d told you, you made a decision.

Upon telling him; Gus felt a wave of emotions: Confusion, happiness, relief but also anxiety. But he put all that aside. 

Gus officially became your boyfriend and you couldn’t be more happy - neither could he.

All dangers aside - Gus does everything to be “boyfriend material” lol

His love language is touch, and words of affirmation.

He doesn’t let a day go by without telling you how much he loves you. 

He always wants you close - just holding your hand makes him feel good. 

He also likes spoiling you - expensive gifts, homemade dinners, road trips with him etc… 

He basically spends all his spare-time with you.

You spend a lot of time in his house, with or without him.

He has money, enough to provide you safety. 

Because of his enemies, and dangerous life, Gus gets very overprotective and a bit possessive.

Ngl he’d probably hire a bodyguard for you whenever you are away in another town with friends/family 😭 Or ask Mike to keep an eye on you lol

He’d be too paranoid to openly be in a relationship with you - but tell a few people he really trusted. If he could, he’d tell the whole world tho. He loves you and it frustrates him to not be able to tell people.

Gus is very good at reading people, so he often can see if something is wrong.

He’s a good listener and tries to always see things from your POV

He rarely gets mad at you either. 

Most of the time he’s calm and understanding.

He tries to always be there for you, if not with advice, at least with support and to offer you comfort. 

He also gives really good hugs 😌✨

Same goes for your interests/hobbies. He learns for example how to crochet, paint or whatever so you can make it a date.

He’ll let you talk about things you like for hours

Gus is not the type of person that likes indoor activities. Of course he appreciates movie nights, but I feel like he enjoys spending time outdoors.

Going hiking, walks in the forest, sightseeing etc etc

Weather doesn’t really matter to him. He’s def one of those that tells you to “Dress depending on the weather 🤪🤪” 

He enjoys cooking food for you, but also with you.

He’ll teach you some old family recipes 

When eating, he lits candles and makes it cozy so it feels like a restaurant. 

Gus appreciates movie nights too. Snacks, wine and cuddles whilst watching something.

Gus is cheesy in the way of envisioning his future with you.

He knows that one day, he wants to marry you.

As for starting a family, he’d like that - if you want to have kids too, ofc.

Otherwise he’ll just be happy to marry you and always have you by his side.

To summarize: Gus is very overprotective when it comes to you, but his criminal lifestyle aside - he loves you deeply and a relationship with him would be passionate.

NSFW

I feel like he’s definitely a dom

But more of a soft dom.

He’s on top, always. Convincing him otherwise is not easy.

He can get pretty rough, but would never hurt you or make you uncomfortable.

His sex drive isn’t that high, but he makes an exception for you.

Besides, you just happen to turn him on a lot 🤭

He prefers to do it at home and in bed

However… If you happen to tease him when in public, he’ll find a private spot and just take you there. “You couldn’t wait until we got home? Pathetic” …As he thrusts into you and muffles your moans with his palm

He prefers to take you at a fast pace, one that’ll leave you breathless.

He has a lot of pent up frustrations and releases all tension in the bedroom. 

He’ll have you laying under him, pinning your wrist over your head as he makes you into a moaning mess.

He has a lot of stamina and can go at it for hours.

If he’s feeling rude, he’ll have you beg for him and/or plead for him to slow down to give you a break.

Only for him to laugh and tease you for it “My poor baby… Look at me.” “I’m not done with you just yet.” “Be good for me, my love.”

When it comes to you, he likes both praising and degrading you - doing so equally.

He’ll have sweet nicknames for you as well as insulting ones.

After sex, you’ll be covered in hickeys, which he’ll praise you for.

He prefers giving oral, merely because he’s in full control of your pleasure. 

When going down on you, he’s a tease.

He’ll have you begging for him to use his mouth on you.

And he knows how to do it, too.

Gus likes using his hands too, to stimulate your area or other body parts.

He’ll grab your hips, thighs etc roughly, hard enough to leave marks.

When receiving, he likes being in control too.

He’ll hold your head still and move his hips to his own liking.

Gus prioritizes aftercare. He wouldn’t go to sleep without being reassured you’re ok after a rough session.

He’ll clean you and the bed up, run a bath for you, cuddle, give massage etc

Although he can be meanie during sex, he gives affection, praise and love afterwards, putting the dominant act away. 

He falls asleep after you. 

Since he’s rough in bed, you often end up falling asleep faster than usual - especially when he hugs you lovingly too. 

He likes seeing your sleeping figure and falling asleep knowing that you’re all his… 

[mcbeetlebeeb]

I'm currently getting into a fandom that isn't homestuck, but I can't turn down a request :3

these will still be headcannons and- uhrm- yea

Gamzee Makara

He is, talking about some mystical shit dude

I think hed appreciate someone who just listens too him blabber

don't ask me why but he'd like to naw on you

not full fledged biting a chunk out of you

I think he's too aware of how sharp his teeth are to go biting down that hard, but yknow

nipping at you gently, but not before he was smothering you in sloppy clown kisses

this is real specific but I think hed have the type of eyes that you can't seem to keep eye contact with

he's just so much taller and just has this lopsided shiteating grin, that shows most of his sharp ass teeth

I'd like to think his eyes are always that half lidded gaze, especially when it's at you

but no intent behind the looks he gives, fuck- probably no thoughts either

lights on no one home

don't get me wrong, he's not dumb,

in the simplest sense hes a big ol airhead

yknow a dingbat, a bit of a scatterbrain

but he's not like- vegetable for a brain dumb as hell

and thats another thing, it's definitely really convincing to probably think that he's yknow, not all there

but it throws you off gaurd x2 when he'd get all close and murmur and mumble certain things too you

he looked like he had a maximum of 3 thoughts floating around in his brain

but here he is, mumbling in a low almost gravely tone, right by your ear

I love to think he's one of those tall people to rest his arm playfully on your head if your shorter, which you most likely are-

can't recall if I mentioned the last time sense I have a rubber ducky keeping track of my memory

but I think hed be cold all the time

not like, bothersomely fridged

but enough to make you shiver and squirm if he were to press his hand to your skin, noticeable enough for you to verbally go "Damn-"

also!! I think hed be a huge sucker for you just holding his face with your hands, letting him relax against you, eyes shut

still grinning a bit and letting that low rumbling purr come from him

and this also means playing with his hair,

pet him damn it he demands it

no, not really more like laying and being in your space, following you round until you pay attention properly too him

sense most trolls can't- yknow- go out in the middle of the day because of their intense asf sun, trolls are nocturnal

so like if you ever took a photo with him with flash his eyes would do that reflective thing that cats have

or for another example, yknow how in the dark the first thing you spot about your black cat is its eyes?

yeah that

like I said in the other headcannon thingy, he's just always lurking and looming, he likes knowing what your doing even if he's not involved

and this comes with him trailing around you like a dog that sees you have food and knows you'll give it too them at some point

wether it be from afar or close, don't assume he's not close by, him being a purple blood im sure he's well aware of how violent trolls can be,

but with you around! oh he can't let you wonder off too far- Alternia's atmosphere is dangerous and the fauna is even more dangerous-

so don't expect to go very far without him trailing behind you

but he'd understand if you explained too him you wanted time too yourself or with somebody else one on one

I dont think hed be a jealous person, maybe a lil possessive! but he's not overbearing with it

he just wants you safe and content, and he wants you too feel that way around him

have a song I think fits his uh? vibe towards? significant other? because 🎉

Dave Strider

mm have I said he's a genuinely a big goof?

but I think that'd be something someone gets right off the bat

maybe

if you can pick up on someone trailing off on tangents of meaningless words that can go on and on without someone actually ever responding

than it's pretty visable

I think itd be pretty adorable though (I know I'm gay, whatever)

like if he were to start talking about something, anything, and you gave a simple short response, he's gonna take that and run with it

especially if he likes you

I think hed definitely be one too stare

but how could you tell? he's always wearing those shades

probably a good reason why he wears them other than ironic purposes

so no one sees what or where or in this case who he's lookin at

constantly staring though, wether it's you having a conversation with you or, you doing something random he's just watching

no actual thoughts id like to say

just observing

watching you be you, do your own natural thing, picking up on the way you talk or gesture at stuff

I cannot urge this enough but I still firmly believe physical touch would be a very special thing too him

it's not impossible or looked down upon too be able to hold his hand or lean against him

but he'd be mentally noting each touch, each expression you make, listening intently too your tone, hoping your doing the same

but with these actions he'd be straight faced as always, but he can feel his hands tremble ever so slightly, he recognizes his heart beat picking up

unfamiliar with these feelings with how they're being presented yknow?

most times he ever feels this way he's in danger

but he knows he couldn't be safer right now, like he wants to believe that, it's not hard for him to believe it

but his body is just hardwired to tense up, clench his jaw and steady the shakey breathing

but being patient and respectful would melt those feelings away really easy I'd like too think

just sitting there and slowly showing affection, brushing thumbs against his knuckles, tracing over fingers

you focus on his hand, flipping it over and thumbing at his vaguely sweaty palm, hand still shaking faintly in your gentle grasp

he'd just stare at you, in disbelief and adoration, and realization that he doesnt need to be poker faced round you

that he doesnt need to put up a front to protect himself, the squishy parts of him he learned to shove away to get along with life

a big sigh of relief to say the least,

but once he realizes he doesn't need to be someone else for you, he can just be him, no expectations or demands, he can rely on someone else for once

you ain't ever gettin rid of him after that, he's not clingy but he's no longer keeping you at arms length, not now, not ever again

AND HE GETS MUSIC THING because he is my favorite right next too the crab man <3

author note: I feel this sucked a big booty buttload but I was already half way done with it when I dubbed it that, so have this anyway!!!

[wolfvmin]

House of Cards: Final

pairing: chishiya shuntarou x fem!reader genre: angst, fluff, unrequited love (but is it really), pining wc: 30.8k (i know, i’m sorry) warnings: violence, niragi, spontaneously written at 2am and under the influence, chishiya is emotionally constipated, violence, mentions of sex, making out, mentions of murder, suicidal themes, slightly obsessive banda, season 2episode 7, reader is reckless, mentions of torture, daddy issues, smut, dry humping, nipple play, oral (f and m receiving), fingering, penetrative sex, unprotected sex (wrap it before u tap it >:(), multiple orgasms, a little choking, doggy style, missionary  summary: the final games of borderland are upon you. it’s up to you and chishiya to navigate where you stand in this world and to each other.  a/n: IM SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG,, and thank you for 515 followers!! <333 ily ily :((( i’m sad this is the last part. also i think the aib fandom has been thinning lately </333. i took too long in writing damn. if anyone wants drabbles of the hoc couple i’d be down to write them! i really enjoyed writing this story. thank u for reading it! 

AO3 link ; Part 2 (Previous Part)

You still weren’t sure if you’d died in the Queen of Clubs game and hallucinated last night’s events. Neither of you was clear about what that kiss meant. Was it just in the heat of the moment? Was it Chishiya acting on his apology? Or perhaps a reciprocation of what you feel for him? You don’t know and you were too scared to ask. 

The kisses ended as the song ended. Chishiya pulled away as soon as that record stopped spinning. Then he smiled at you. A small one where the corners of his lips were slightly turned upward. It was a smile that could mean many things if we were talking about that white-haired guy. To make matters worse, that motherfucker turns around and leaves you alone in the living room, confused and somewhat turned on, without saying anything.

The light seeps through your closed lids and you try to block it with your right hand, scrunching your forehead in annoyance. Your other hand glides over the other side of the bed, searching for the man who slept beside you last night. The material of his shirt is soft against your palms, indicating that he’s still next to you in bed.

With your eyes open now, you see Chishiya who is still sleeping beside you. He looks so peaceful like this. Although it’s not the first time that you’ve woken up beside Chishiya, it’s somewhat different to find something familiar in the real world. 

You were sure you’d never see him again when you found yourself in this world. You’ve lost all hope to get back to your previous life. But he’s here. He’s real and beside you. Somehow, you don’t know if you’re lucky or misfortunate for this. Sometimes, you wish you never found him at The Beach. 

“Get back to sleep.”

He still had his eyes closed, forehead scrunching while he said that. You chuckle, his morning voice ten times more attractive to you. Suddenly, the tip of his nose is the next thing you fixate on. Using your index finger, you booped it, making his nose scrunch up and catching your hand with his. 

His eyes finally flutter open, staring at you intently. The only light in the room is from the sunlight seeping through the windows, you can see the reflection of it in his eyes. From this close distance, you can see his dark eyes’ irises in hazel brown. His skin looks a little bit rougher and his lips are drier than they did in the real world. Despite this, his lips still looked like it was beckoning you, whispering to be tasted as they did last night.

You turn on your stomach, leaning unto your elbows for support as you shift your body closer to his. The action was not easy, your body sore from all the fighting you’d done in the last game. His face is about an inch away from yours, so close that you can hear each other breathing. There’s a weight that is put onto the back of your neck and you quickly realize that Chishiya’s hand is there. 

He doesn’t do anything. He doesn’t push your head down to finally close the distance. He doesn’t even move his fingers. His hand just stays still there as you slightly hover over him. 

“Hey, Shuntarou. Will you marry me?” 

A wide grin spreads across your face when you ask him. In answer, the man’s face drops into a frown, his eyes unamused. “What? You kissed me last night. You have to marry me now.”

“I don’t think that’s what that usually entails,” he replies with his raspy voice, lips tugged to an amused smirk. 

“Can I kiss you again?” You ask, ignoring his sassy remark to your unserious question. Your gaze fell onto his lips once more. You were too scared of his answer to meet his eyes. So you wait.

Just like that, he finally uses his hand on your nape to push your head down, smashing your lips against his. Last night’s kiss was unexpected and serene. It was your first kiss with Chishiya and to you, it was perfect. However, this one right now is needy—like he couldn’t get enough of you. 

You weren’t a prude. You've shared a bed with men even if your heart was Chishiya’s. It was mostly due to curiosity, loneliness, and simply fulfillment of needs. And if you were being honest, you don’t know if Chishiya was even interested in matters of sex. You never really indulged each other in your sensual lives. And to be frank, you’d rather not think about Chishiya being intimate with someone else.

However, as he kisses you right now and how he gently pushes your shoulder with his other hand to lay your head on the pillow, you know that Chishiya knows a thing or two about pleasing his partner. His body hovers over you as his knee is between your legs and his hand beside your head. Your hands clung to his shirt as if to prove to yourself that yes, Chishiya Shuntarou, the love of your life and the man of your dreams, is melting you in a heated kiss on a bed you shared. 

You register the plumpness of his lips as you’re still in a bit of shock. Chishiya’s free hand slides to your waist and gives you a squeeze in order for you to fall back into the rhythm of his kisses. These lips that would often frown and smirk at you, how long have you imagined what they would feel like? They were warm, contrasting his cold exterior. Even warmer is his tongue as he darts it out to lick at your lips, asking for entrance. You let him in, pulling him even closer to you by grasping his shirt down. 

It’s just so Chishiya to do things with ease and perfection. It seemed calculated and somehow erotic like he was communicating every word that he couldn’t say through his kisses. When he pulls away, it elicits a breathy gasp from you. Your eyes were wide open, blown out, and staring at him with glossy eyes. 

You’ve only felt this way a few times in your life, a number you can count with your fingers. Happiness, is it? 

It’s not high. It wasn’t addicting. You’ve experienced that a lot with fighting. But this… this feeling is so pleasing that it almost brings you to tears. This was the kind of happiness that brings you to disbelief. It makes you think, “Do I deserve to be this happy?” 

“More,” you plead, begging like you were an addict.

Chishiya hums, his deep voice sending you straight to heaven right there and then. He doesn’t lean in. Instead, he taps your cheeks with three fingers. Twice in a fast motion. 

To your disappointment, Chishiya removes himself from you and gets off the bed. He exits the bedroom and you were left on the bed, thirsty like a fish out of the water. 

You’ve put on new gym clothes. It was a black sports bra and active jogger pants. Chishiya was in the living room, reading a book he found somewhere lying around. It seemed he found something too. “I’m going for a jog,” you inform him, already stretching to start. 

Chishiya doesn’t even look at you. Typical. But you know he heard you and he wants you to be safe. It’s dangerous for both of you to keep going like this. Communication is much needed in every relationship, no matter what kind of relationship it is. You’re not sure if those kisses have changed anything in yours and you should really talk about it. However, what you really need right now is to sweat it out and gain some confidence to ask him.

Yesterday, you and Chishiya took the chance of having a long visa to lounge around all day. He never kissed you again and acted like how he was before. What he did do was not let you out of the bed, insisting that you should rest your injuries away for the day. You obliged. When have you not?

Now, it’s early in the morning and the sun has not even reached its highest. The apartment was near trees, you’ve gone just away from the center as much as possible. Chishiya said that after you join the next game, it’d be best to move out of there. He assumes that since the games would be going down one by one, the King of Spades would go around the edges of Tokyo to push everyone back into the center. 

As you were running along the sidewalks, you remember having morning jogs and stretching like this with Usagi, bringing Usagi and Arisu into your thoughts once again. They should be fine. Kuina too. Still, you can’t help but worry for them.

You’ve gone a bit far from the apartment, jogging by a short tunnel under a bridge. Before completely going in, you stop in your tracks, hearing something other than the wind whistling and leaves rustling. You focused on listening, hiding on the side and pulling a dagger from a strap on your leg. 

It was breathing. Difficult breathing. And sobs. Someone is crying. 

You’ve become careful with your steps, readying for anything as you approach the sound. Slowly, you reach the voice. It was one man, leaning against the wall of the tunnel. It was dark but you could see the gunshot wound on his head and the gun in his hand. He could barely move his mouth, dark red blood all over it. When he sees you, his sobs get louder. 

You stand near him but not approaching him closely. He raises his empty hand and points at something. You follow his gaze to your hand. He was pointing at your dagger.

Oh.

Your eyes darkened at what he was insinuating—what he was asking of you. 

“P-Please… end it.” 

This stranger was asking you to mercy kill him. Why? He was done for what he’d done. Why would he kill himself? You’re not sure he could even reply if you ask him.

His bloodshot eyes plead with you as tears and blood fall from them. You walk closer to the man, your hands slightly trembling. You wish you brought a gun with you. That way you wouldn’t have to use your hands for what you’ll do. You think about it first. Not if you’ll do it but how you’ll do it. You have a dagger. That’s all you have. You’ve brought it for emergencies but you didn’t think you’d actually have to use it. 

It would have to be the most painless way possible. 

“Lean forward,” you instruct the man in a low voice, completely dreading what you’re supposed to do.

The man, with all his strength left, removed himself from the wall. If you stab him repeatedly in the chest, he’d have to bleed out and die painfully longer. You have to strike somewhere else. His back was free for you to stab into. No matter how many deaths you’ve seen, it just doesn’t get easier. Especially if you’re the one to cause it. 

This is the first kill. A mercy kill. You’re doing this man a favor but making a burden to yourself. You know that if you do this, you’ll have to remember him for the rest of your life and somehow regret it. You weren’t a monster. You have darkness inkling inside of you that you don’t understand but you were still human. 

“T-thank you,” he was able to say as he spluttered blood onto the pavement. Tears well up in your eyes and your nostrils flare up as you take a deep breath.

Blocking your thoughts away, you strike your blade unto his back, just above his shoulder blade, severing the spinal cord. You remember this one lecture in med school where someone asked where would be the most painless way to stab someone to death out of sheer curiosity. This was the answer. 

You watch as his body falls sideways when you pull out your dagger, his blood painting the cemented ground and your hand. You wipe your hunting blade on his clothes and put it back on the strap of your leg. 

When death comes to collect him, his hands relax and their contents fall. Something scrunched up fell out of the hand without the gun, the one he pointed your dagger with. You pick it up and straighten it. It was a picture of him and a child. He was a father. 

Does that mean that child is dead? A father wouldn’t kill himself knowing he has a daughter back home. But would he? It’s possible. You don’t even know the name of this man. You don’t know what kind of person he is, much less a father. Sighing, you pick up his gun next. It was a Pistol. You could keep it but it was useless. Where would you get—

Oh.

For the second time in a few minutes, you were dumbstruck. Even if it was pointless, you couldn’t help but check the gun just to be sure. And you were glad you did. This gun… still had bullets, meaning you didn’t have to do it yourself. 

Your grip on the gun tightened, feeling a bit betrayed by this man. He hadn’t asked you to kill him because he was incapable and out of bullets. He asked you to do it because he was a coward to finish it himself.

Feeling a bit drained because of the revelations, you decide to head back to the apartment, carrying the gun in your hand.You push open the door, knowing you’ve left it unlocked. 

“I’m back,” you announced to not alarm your companion in the house. Chishiya was already in your line of sight, sitting on the couch which can be seen directly from the door. He wasn’t sitting there earlier. Was he waiting for you? 

Lifting his head from the book, he takes in your appearance. There was blood that splattered over you. Not to mention your hand that was still covered in blood and holding a loaded gun. He raises a brow as if waiting for an explanation. You shake your head, not wanting to talk about it. 

“It’s nothing I couldn’t handle,” you press and head to the room to clean yourself. 

When you’ve cleaned yourself and changed your clothes, you stare at the gun on your bedside table. You sat down on the side of the bed, slouching, and then completely lying down and staring at the ceiling. You shouldn’t feel this way. You still helped the man. But still, you couldn’t help but feel a little bit betrayed. Maybe that’s just how it is. This is how people are. In the end, he chose to die no matter who did it or how it happened. It’s fine to feel upset. But what happened already happened. 

Chishiya strides into the room, standing beside you and looking down at you. You groan, turning to your side to not see him.  “Go away,” you order weakly.  

You’d rather not tell him what happened. This will go away in a few days. But for now, your heart is too heavy to do anything else. So, for now, you hope Chishiya leaves it alone.

“I’ll join a Diamonds game.”

You scoff. “I said I’m fine—wait, what?” You sat up on the bed in disbelief. That’s what he was going to say? He wasn’t even going to check up on you? 

“You’re staying here. You need more rest,” he adds. 

You shake your head. “What? Are you kidding? No!”

He stares at you, giving you that nonchalant expression again. This was non-negotiable. He really didn’t want you anywhere near the Diamonds game. 

“I’ve won a Diamonds game once.” It was true. Your first game was a Diamond. You were capable of a Diamonds game. Just because you threw away medicine doesn’t mean you were not smart. “What if only one survives? That’s not limited to a Hearts game, you know?” 

You couldn’t answer. 

“I’ll go,” he repeats. “Stay here.”

“When?” You ask him, lips jutting out almost into a pout. Your frown and scrunched-up forehead should tell him that you still don’t agree with this. “Tomorrow.” 

You put your head down. If he’s going to join a game, you couldn’t just wait around here for him to come home. It’s going to make you officially go insane, being alone here in Borderlands. 

You’ve never been alone since you met Usagi. Ever since you met her, you couldn’t believe you found an actual pure person here. She was a good friend and just like she’s done for Arisu, she’s the reason why you’re still alive and fighting for yourself.

It was time to join a game by yourself again. 

“Fine,” you say without looking at him, fronting how you’re just agreeing with him but already decided that you’ll leave once he’s out of sight.

He doesn’t say anything and just walks out of the room, finishing the conversation. 

You gave Chishiya the silent treatment the whole night. Were you sulking? Maybe. But you can’t really blame him. You were just upset. Was that a crime? You can be upset right? A person doesn’t have to be understanding every time. When you woke up, he was still beside you, staring at you with those deep brown eyes. Why is he looking at you like this? 

“What?” you deadpanned. 

“I’ll come back.” It wasn’t to assure you. It wasn’t a promise. It was simply a statement. He’ll come back. He’s sure of it. You trust him, yes. But maybe the reason you’re upset was because of something else. Worry? But not just for him. For him and yourself. 

What if you don’t come back from the game you’re joining? That would be a shame. He won’t even know and just find you gone. But he won’t allow you. So if you don’t allow him now, you’d be a hypocrite. 

“I know,” you answer softly, laying your armor down, and giving up the fight. He sits up on the bed, tugging on his white jacket that was folded by his bedside table and wearing it. It was cute to you how he still wears it. 

“We have many days left on our visa. Does it have to be today?” You ask him, sitting up too.

“I want to clear the games as fast as possible,” he answers. 

You understand that he wants to clear the Diamond games himself. What for? Absolutely nothing but curiosity and interest. He finds them fun and challenging even if his life was on the line. Sometimes, you think you worry more about his life than he does. 

He knows he’s clever. You know that too. But sometimes, he really needs to realize that he isn’t immortal or anything. You sigh. “A game could take days. What do I do here?”

“Rest. Did you forget you have an injured leg?” He was putting on his shoes now, turning his head for a second to give you a look. 

“No. But it’s fine now.” You really did feel better about your leg. “I want to look for the others.” 

“When I come back.” He refuses again and stands up, ready for his day. You poked your cheek with your tongue. He really doesn’t want you out of this house, does he?

The rest of the day goes by quietly. He planned to leave in the afternoon. So, you still had a meal with him before he left. Chishiya leaving was uneventful. He didn’t kiss you goodbye or offer you any words of assurance. He just… left. However, he did remind you to rest. 

But rest, you didn’t. 

You gave Chishiya 30 minutes before you left. It was 30 minutes for him to get far enough for you not to see him outside. It was getting dark and cold. You’ve decided to put on a hoodie, covering your sports bra. You slung the sword Kuina gave you over your shoulder and put your dagger back in its sheath that was attached to a wrap over your leggings. You figured that the gun might come in handy to you if you ever come face to face with the King of Spades. So, you took that too, putting it inside your small belt bag.

You head over to the nearest Spades game, knowing it will be a long walk. 

You were about 45 minutes away from the apartment and looking for a working car. However, you were failing. Every car out here is trashed. Plus, you weren’t very knowledgeable about fixing them up. 

So you had no choice but to walk.

Getting a bit tired, you decide to sit down on the sidewalk. 

However, not even five minutes of your resting have passed, you hear a scream. And then gunshots. Not just any gunshots. Rifles. 

You immediately stand up, hearing that dreadful sound could only mean one thing. 

And then you see the woman screaming, running with a few people behind her. 

The King of Spades was here.

You get on your feet, hearing and seeing his blimp in the sky. Your sneaker-clad feet pounded against the cemented ground, breathing steadily as your lungs pumped. Fuck. You can’t face him alone. 

You just ran, always choosing the safest option of direction while avoiding the gunshots. One direction led you to another then another, until you lost sight of the Spades game’s blimp. You were forced to go the other direction to another game. 

You ran and ran until you didn’t hear the gunshots anymore. Then you see it. A blimp for another game that wasn’t a Spades or Diamonds. It wasn’t your target but it also wasn’t Chishiya’s. 

Can you do it?

You don’t know which is more depressing: you ending up in a Hearts game or the grey walls of Teio Prison. 

PUT ON A COLLAR AND GO UPSTAIRS TO THE CENTRAL GUARDROOM

There were two collars left on the table. Shit. It’s the exploding kind of Heart game, huh? 

With a frown, you get one of the collars and clasp it around your neck. It makes a blip sound and some kind of shuffling sound. What could that be? Whatever it is, you know it’s no good.

Sighing, you make your way to the central guardroom, taking all your time in the world and observing the dark penitentiary. It’s giving you the creeps. You thought about what might have you waiting here. A Hearts game in prison? You really should’ve joined a Spade game. Man, fuck the King of Spades. This is all his fault. You just hope that Chishiya is doing well at a Diamon—

Chishiya?

As soon as you lift your head from looking at the stairs you were climbing, your line of sight catches that damned white jacket and white hair. What was he doing here? Didn’t he say he’d join a Diamonds game?

You didn’t let the shock show through your movements or countenance. Instead, you turn to your right and lock your eyes with him as you stand over the nearest wall from the stairs. 

Everyone was reserved and kept themselves at a distance from others. It wouldn’t look good if you just walked over to him like old buddies at a fair. It’s better to be strangers. But oh, he was mad. 

With the way his brows were slightly furrowed and his jaw was clenched, you try not to avoid his gaze and cower right there and then. Beside him, the agitated man in overalls follows Chishiya’s gaze over to you and then he whispers something to him. This made you look away, afraid he’ll know of your relations. While you busy yourself with observing the other players, you’re sure Chishiya made up a lie about you. 

You hear soft steps on the staircase and you know that the game is about to start. You notice that their feet were intentionally light. There was only one collar left downstairs. The person going up should be the last player.

He stops right at the end of the stairs, looking around at all the players who were avoiding his gaze. Well, except you and Chishiya. Lastly, his gaze lands on you who was right beside him. The corner of his lips curled up into a subtle sinister smirk. You raise a brow, tilting your head to the side. You already don’t like this guy. You poked your cheek with your tongue and crossed your arms, about to address his condescending stare when the screen attached to the wall lights up, indicating the game is starting. 

DIFFICULTY LEVEL Jack of Hearts 

The odd man’s eyes stray from yours when the automated voice is heard. You both look at the screen and listen attentively.

GAME SOLITARY CONFINEMENT

Rules:

Guess the card suit that appears on the back of your collar. However, you may not look at the symbol yourself. This game is about how much you can trust one another.

The time limit is one hour per round.

In the final five minutes, enter the cell and state your symbol. 

When the time limit reaches zero, your collar will reset and change for each round. 

Beware that your opponent, the Jack of Hearts is hidden among you.

Looking at your symbol through reflection is not allowed.

Players may not use weapons or violence to kill fellow players.

GAME OVER If you do not guess your correct symbol, your collar will explode.

GAME CLEAR You win when the Jack of Hearts dies.

As the other players react to the rules and other details of the game, you are left to think for yourself. There’s no limit of hours to this game which means that betrayal is inevitable if we want to get out of these depressing walls. Someone has to lie to the Jack, kill him, and clear this game. Anyone could be the Jack, even Chishiya.

The game will now commence.  ROUND ONE

It’s complete silence as the buzzer rings throughout the penitentiary, indicating the start of the timer for an hour. The players are eyeing each and every one, probably looking for a trustworthy face to dictate their suits and fate. At least, now you know that Chishiya wouldn’t lie to you about your suit. Should you just go ahead and partner up with him? It shouldn’t look suspicious, right? 

Some players began to partner up as you still stand like a wallflower, watching as they form groups. 

“So, the 20 of us need to eliminate each other until we somehow figure out who the Jack of Hearts is.” A tall man in corporate attire speaks out loud, speaking to no one in particular beside the first two guys who decided to partner up. “What makes you think that anyone is trustworthy?”

The two guys who were just eager to tell each other’s suit began to grow wary, stepping away from each other hastily. Your brow furrows at this man. He was right but his aura exudes something dark and clouded, just like the man beside you who last joined the game. Could either of them be the jack? 

An arrogant-looking bald guy in chains that previously stood in the middle of the guardroom makes his way in your direction. Your senses are heightened, alert for any cause of disturbance. However, he shifts his way to your right, heading to the nervous-looking man in a blue checkered shirt with a smirk. 

He corners him, no doubt going to pressure him into telling him his suit. He’s a bully that found a mouse to play around with. That’s a wrong move. You watch from your peripheral as the man quivers and shakes from the bald man. “Tsk,” you couldn’t help but react distastefully. Thankfully, the bald man didn’t notice. It was taking everything in you not to intervene. 

The man beside you, however, hears your displeased reaction. Unfortunately, this puts his attention back on you. So you speak, gathering it’d be better to speak to someone, at least. If he was Jack, then he’d want to hear your next words.

“This game…” you utter in a low voice, wanting him to be the only one who hears. “Isn’t going to be cleared through shit like that.” 

The other players began to form a large group with the girl in a blue dress leading it. From the looks of it, this girl is also not to be trusted. Getting involved with a large group offers a far larger chance of betrayal. Especially with one person leading it and others blindly following whatever this person’s decision may be. 

“Forcing,” you refer to the bald man who was still bullying the blue-checkered shirt guy into telling him his suit. “Control,” you refer to the girl who has now gathered most of the players. She’s only put herself more at risk now that she aimed for control. Things could easily turn around if they don’t like the way how she handles things. And you could already tell. From here, she reeks of being fake and two-faced. That group should be the last choice for you. 

“This game is about trust.” You sigh. It seemed fairly easy but you could already tell that this game is going to be a messy representation of humanity. It seemed so fitting—a Hearts game of this difficulty being a face card. 

It’s a clever game, you have to admit. By now, every player in Borderland knows that you should never willingly enter a Hearts game with someone you want to get out of this world with. But this one puts you in a position of needing to have that someone with you in order to survive this game. No matter what, as long as you have one player you have here who you know you can trust, you’ll be able to walk out of here. 

You walk off, not waiting for the guy’s response. There was one hour for each round. You’re sure you can find a partner a little later if Chishiya won’t agree. It’s only the first round and you don’t think even the Jack of Hearts would start killing now. 

For now, you really need to see the food supply they were so proud of. As you head downstairs, you realize that the guy beside you followed you as you register his footsteps when you snapped out of your deep thoughts about the game. You stop in your tracks, waiting for the man to address what the hell is he after. Did he want to be partners? Well, you don’t really think that that’s a good idea for you.

“You’re that L/N.”

You turn around, looking at the source of the voice and the person who seems to know of your heritage. Without the thought of Chishiya startling you, you’re able to focus clearly on the man in front of you. He looked not older than you and Chishiya, a little taller than the both of you too. He was wearing a blue long-sleeved shirt with an inner white shirt. His hair is dark and his eyes were tired, bags under them, and yet he did not look as tired. Instead, his eyes glimmer of malice and unexplainable darkness as he gives you a smirk.

“And who are you?” You question the man in front of you. You can’t quite put your finger on it but the man looked familiar—like you’ve seen him before Borderland. 

“Banda Sunato.” Again, familiar. You’ve heard of it, you’re sure. Was he famous for something? A family friend? A rich person? You really should've paid attention to the television more. 

Something tells you not to trust this man. This was a Hearts game, after all. No one could be trusted. Yet, if you partner yourself with Chishiya, who knows where that will lead? It’s unsafe and he’s a little mad right now. Truthfully, you are too. What can you say? You both are a stubborn bunch. 

“Banda? It’s familiar,” you truthfully ask him for some reason.

“Should be. I was in the news for a while.” The smirk hasn’t been wiped off his face. From then on, you were sure. Just like Niragi, this man is bad news. 

So you turn around again, ready to walk off and head to the food supply. However, a hand on your shoulder stops you. A glimpse of white flashes your eyes from above and you look up for a few seconds, meeting Chishiya’s eyes who were watching you from the floor above, leaning against a wall beside the man dressed in a yellow striped shirt and denim overalls. His jaw is clenched, lips tight, and even from his crossed arms, you see the tight fists forming from his hands. My, he’s almost making a frown too.

You don’t turn around to face Banda again but you break eye contact with Chishiya. You wait for him to speak and look at his frail hands on your shoulder. His hands are gentle, the perfect way to lure you in. You can see from the way his hands looked rough yet delicate—this man cannot fight. Worst comes to worst, you can take him down. But that didn’t matter. This is a Hearts game which means that most of these players are Hearts specialists, no doubt him being one too. You have to be smart about this. You can’t punch your way out of this one.

“I’m a serial killer,” he adds. 

You raise a brow, slowly turning your whole body to face him again. How could he just throw that out of nowhere like it’s a well-sought and respected occupation? And then you remember. Banda Sunato. It was what? One or two weeks? He was all that the news held. He was known to have murdered about four people, specifically women. A real psychopath heading for death row. It gives you the chills, having a real-life murderer standing in front of you and taking an interest in you. 

Does this man scare you? Maybe a little. Should you partner up with him? The normal and sane response would be no but there’s this irrational thought that keeps persuading you that maybe you can actually get through the game with this criminal. 

If what Asaki said in the Queen of Clubs game was real then it really is up to the citizens to design games. A serial killer designing a game inside Teio Prison. It seemed to fit like a puzzle that he would be the Jack of Hearts. 

That’s how you know that it’s possible that he might not be it. It was too easy and too obvious. 

“Are you asking me to partner up with you?” You ask with a poker face, jutting your chin up to compensate for the height difference. It’s funny how a murderer was asking you to trust him. It has to be the most stupid insinuation you have heard in your life. 

“I agree with what you said back there.” He answers, referring to what you said before walking off. “So I’m telling you who I am. It’s your choice, hospital princess. Will you trust a serial killer in this world?” 

Right now, you badly wanted to look up at Chishiya who is no doubt watching from the floor above. You want him to give you some kind of advice or answer for you. But you know he won’t. You’re on your own for this one. You sigh, mirroring his smirk and tilting your head. Don’t let him think he bothers you. “Can I think about it? I’m really hungry.”

“Of course,” he replies. And with one nod, you walk away from him, still feeling the serial killer’s eyes on you until you get away from the center of the lower floor. 

The cafeteria was indeed filled with shelves of food and drinks. As you stare at a wall of food, you are overwhelmed with the choices, not being used to seeing multiple foods that are actually still edible and you didn’t have to check their expiration date. You roam your eyes around, looking for something good to eat.

And then you spot that yellow bag of biscuits. Chishiya’s favorite. Seeing it made you grin to yourself. Oh, he’s gonna be so happy. Too bad you didn’t really like those cookies.

There were ramen cups and instant rice too but you figure that a snack would suffice so you grab yourself a packed strawberry cake roll and a chocolate drink. You missed sweets so much. You’re tired of eating instant noodles and whatever canned goods you could find in convenience stores.

There were a few people in the cafeteria. You didn’t like any of them as you stared at them. They stare at you too, probably working out if you were the Jack of Hearts. You give them a smile, one that is confident. Then you give them a nod, one that is out of respect. And then you leave the cafeteria.

You ate the sliced cake roll while walking around the penitentiary, observing the people and keeping the chocolate drink in your hoodie’s pocket. 

No one seemed like a safe option. The big group, the bald man and his mouse, the couple in business attire, Chishiya, and Banda. These are your options. 

And finally, you approach Chishiya and his partner who awfully reminds you of Minions because of his outfit. “Hey,” you talk to the overalls guy, purposefully ignoring Chishiya. “Do you guys have room for one more?”

The guy stutters, looking over to Chishiya for some kind of confirmation. Wow, he already trusts him this much? 

“We’re part of this group already,” Chishiya answers for him and points at the blue-dress girl. So they joined the big group? Huh. You wonder why. You know he knows that big groups are dangerous. Once one person’s trust is lost, they’ll go down like dominoes. 

It doesn’t matter, then. You only need Chishiya’s trust. But it seems that he doesn’t want you to join him here.

“Huh,” your reply now was for Chishiya. It’s crazy. He’s driving you insane. Is he still mad that you joined a game? If he cares so much about you then why won’t he just tell you your suit and—you don’t know, keep you alive? 

You place the last roll of cake in your mouth, chewing in front of the two guys. You give a nod at Chishiya who stares at you with curled-up lips, anticipating your next move.

This is dangerous, what you’ve decided to do. 

You could ask Chishiya again or his partner what your suit was and join their big group. But you don’t want to. 

You take a step back and Chishiya’s smirk drops. He wasn’t expecting that. He thought you’d try and persuade him to let you join his partnership with Ippei.

A strange feeling tugs your heart as you walk away from Chishiya. His presence is comforting. It calms you down in this game. And yet, you are walking away from him—from both your safety.

You aim to find the Jack of Hearts yourself. And you won’t be able to do that hiding from Chishiya’s back. 

As if on cue, Banda walks into the central guardroom with another guy behind him. He was tall and had this fringe covering almost half of his face. So he already found a partner after all.

“Replaced me so quickly?” You ask with a smirk as you punch your straw in the chocolate drink. 

“So you’ve decided.” His voice is as sinister as his whole being. It scares you. A lot. But you think you can trust him. You think.

“They all seemed… boring,” you answer truthfully. 

The man behind him watches you carefully and you give him a slight wave. “What’s up? I’m Y/N.”

“Matsushita,” he replies simply. 

You turn around, pulling off your hoodie and hair away from your nape. 

“Heart.” It was Banda who answered, then it was confirmed by Matsushita. 

You ask them if you need to tell them theirs but they said there was no need. You shrug, they must’ve already told each other. 

And so you were in Banda’s group. This is gonna be hella interesting.

You sit by the two guys as the hour passes, watching the other players interact and talk to each other. You don’t doubt that Banda told you your real suit. The killings won’t start yet. Not in the first round. 

“Are you not going to doubt me?” Banda asks you as you sit next to each other against a wall. Matsushita stands beside you, no doubt listening to your conversation now. 

This Matsushita—you don’t like him. He seemed quietly arrogant. Those are the worst kind of assholes. 

“No,” you admit. “You’re not going to lie to me yet.” 

“You still don’t trust me?” He asks but he knows the answer to that. “Then why would you join me? Your life is in my hands now.”

Your mind brings you back to a certain blonde-haired man. His smirks and his clever words. “I like my men a little deranged,” you answer with a shrug.

There was silence between you for a few seconds. The sound of your drinking is the only thing heard. Although you’ve long strayed your eyes from Banda, you still feel his eyes on you. He was thinking deeply, calculating you like a math problem. 

“You don’t like your life outside Borderlands,” he concluded. You pause, turning your head to look at the psychopath. What was he saying? “You’re reckless but smart. You know what you’re doing here. And yet you still paired up with me knowing I’ve murdered for nothing but pleasure. What makes you think I won’t kill you?” 

You scoff. “You won’t kill me in the first round. There needs to be some kind of push before the killing starts. Like a hand triggering dominos.” He listens to you and doesn’t answer for a while, thinking while a sinister smile spreads on his face. You know you’re right. 

“Just as I thought,” he answers before standing up.

The timer turns zero as he stands up and the voice of the game speaks again. 

“It is time to give your answer. Please enter a solitary confinement of your choosing.”

You walked side by side with Banda, stopping at a door next to his. From your peripheral, you could see that Chishiya chose a door two doors down from yours. You’re pretty sure you’re safe for the first round but you can’t help but panic. 

You enter a cell. It’s small and even more depressing than the outside. 

“Please give your answer.”

The speed of your heart beating rises, constricting the air in your lungs. An exploding neck should be one of the most gruesome ways to die in Borderlands. 

You calmly close your eyes, tuning out the panicked thoughts in your head. 

“Heart.”

Silence. 

A rush of relief passes you. Just as you thought. No one is dying in the first hour. 

You step out of the cell at the same time as everybody else does. Banda’s eyes were already on you when you looked at him, giving you the same sinister stare. You wink at him in return before walking off to follow the other players, not even staying to see his reaction.

“Round 2 begins now.”

In the center guardroom, the big group began to thank each other for being honest. You sat on your spot before, in the middle of a sitting Banda and a standing Matsushita. 

“I wonder how long is this going to go on for?”

Matsushita verbalizes the question in your mind. If there’s no trigger, the real game wouldn’t start. But it has to be soon. If not and all the players really are going to be honest with each other, then soon we’d be stuck in this prison in an endless cycle. Even if the food supply is abundant, each round lasts an hour. It’d be exhausting. One can’t get much sleep in an hour. We’d go insane in these dry walls.

“Either the Jack will start to kill or someone afraid of the Jack will start to kill. As Y/N said earlier, until a trigger happens, this will never end.” Banda’s the one who answered Matsushita’s question. 

Before you could give your thoughts, a body slams to the floor next to Banda. It was the boy in the blue-checkered shirt, being thrown off by the bald man in chains. 

“I told you to give me the answer!” The arrogant man screams in frustration. Everyone goes quiet as they watch the situation unfolds. This man couldn’t be more stupid, thinking he would win by using his fists over his partner. 

He was about to attack the man with a kick but you move faster than light, standing and throwing a kick to the man’s stomach before he could hurt the boy, sending him flying and landing on his bottom and away from you. You don’t know why you did it. You couldn’t stop yourself from saving him. Maybe it has become all too pathetic or too painful to watch. At times like these, you really miss Arisu and Usagi. You know they would’ve done the same. Maybe even better than you. 

“What the fuck?!” The man reacts, staring at you with glaring wide eyes. 

From behind you, Banda moves to the boy on the floor, whispering in his ear. You hear it all clearly. While he was asking if the boy was alright, he whispers that he should tell him his suit is a Club.

It was the wrong answer.

The man quickly stands up, glaring at you along the way. He heads for the boy again and you wanted to interrupt if it weren’t for you catching Chishiya’s gaze of disapproval and Banda holding your arm. You glance at Banda's hand on your arm and he lets go, walking back to his spot while the bald man begins holding the boy by his hair.

Don’t get involved, you could almost hear Chishiya’s voice in your head. It’s what he would say to you in this situation.

“Looks to me that you want another beating.” He punches the boy in the face and you put your head down. 

“Give me the answer!” He raises his fist, threatening to throw another punch if the boy doesn’t speak.

“C-club!” The boy stuttered out an answer.

“Huh?!” The man wants him to repeat it louder.

“Club!” he answers, firmer this time yet he still closes his eyes, readying himself for another punch.  

The fist doesn’t come. Instead, the man taps his face like he’s a good dog. “Don’t wait so long next time.” And he lets go of the boy’s hair roughly, making the boy lean on his palms to support himself again on the floor. Then he collapses his body on the floor, curling up and turning into a sobbing mess.

The man passed by Chishiya and his partner, walking through the other players and all of you could see clearly. 

The bald man’s symbol is a Diamond.

“It’s the trigger,” Banda whispers in your ear, making the hair at the back of your head rise. Ah. That’s why he manipulated the boy into saying the false suit. It was to finally start the game.

It didn’t matter now. All is said and done. The boy lied in front of everybody by choice. The wall of trust is broken. 

The game is finally starting… and you couldn’t help but think that it’s your doing.

Just as expected, the lies and mischief started when the bald man’s neck blew up. Everyone is scared, wondering if they’re going to be next.

To make matters worse, the big group recruited the boy who first lied. You can tell that Urumi, the girl in the blue dress, wanted to eliminate him in case he was the Jack. Having such a mischievous leader, that group is going to end up in flames.

“You’re no princess, after all.” You don’t know if Banda is talking about your eating habits or show of skill in the previous round. 

Still, you glare at Banda as you eat potato chips this time around, craving something salty. There was silence as you two sat side by side in the central guardroom. Matsushita has gone to the cafeteria to get some snacks of his own. 

You wonder what Chishiya was doing right now. He’s in the cafeteria with the big group. You’re incredibly bored.

“Underground fighter,” you suddenly say. Banda doesn’t answer but you know he’s intrigued and listening.

“I’m an underground fighter,” you finish your sentence. 

“I see,” he replies as if that answers a lot of questions for him. “Blood, sweat, and glory. It appeals to you.” 

You nod. “I’m a Spades player.”

“Then you’ve definitely fought harder here than back there in the real world.” 

He was right. You thought back to the games you were in—all the games where you had to fight for yourself. It was life or death and yet it gave you that feeling of rush. To put your life on the line gives you an unexplainable feeling that you loved and craved.

“You crave death.” His sudden words make you freeze. “You’re not afraid of being hurt because you want it. You like it more when it’s about to kill you. Because you want it, don’t you? The reason you’re so reckless is that you have nothing to lose. It doesn’t matter if you die today or tomorrow. It’s why you partnered up with me. Because you’re more at risk with me.” 

His face has become awfully close to yours, inches away. He hadn’t put on a smirk this time. Instead, he stares at your soul like he’s known you all your life or he can read you like an open book. Unlike Chishiya, you found nothing but an abyss in his soulless eyes. 

Was it true? Is the reason why you loved fighting so much… because you’re suicidal? You thought about it a lot. That maybe one night, you might just meet your match and finally die in that ring. No one will know. You’ll just disappear into thin air. That was how the underground worked. It was a thought that scared you but somehow calmed you.

If this doesn’t work today, then you’ll just die. But every night, you prove yourself wrong. You win. Was it just a battle with yourself that you deserve to win with the risk of dying?

“What shall you do?” He tilts his head to the side. “I think I plan to keep you alive until the end.” 

The shake in your eyes is probably noticeable now. So you furrow your brows. This man is not the Jack of Hearts. He wants to win this as much as you do. But why? You assume that this is just fun for him, seeing so many deaths. 

Fine, you’ll play the game.

“I want to live,” you firmly say. 

“Why?” He asks. “Why do you want to live?” 

It was almost the same question Chishiya asked you back at The Beach. While Chishiya asked you what was so valuable about your life in the real world, Banda asked you why you want to live. It’s just two questions—two questions that are somehow related to each other. Unfortunately, you don’t have the answer to that yet. Life has never appealed to you. It brought you more bad than good and yet you want to live. Do you deserve to? Probably not. But you don’t care. As long as you can, you will fight to live. 

“So I can live freely. Here.” A lie. But you sensed that that’s what he wanted to hear. It wasn’t much of a secret. If you’re a criminal on trial, which is a better world to be in? A boring, stupid world where you’re on death row or a cruel one where people die every day? Where everyone is equal? Where it doesn’t matter how rich or poor you are or what you’ve done or what you haven’t done? Where all that matters is you play the game and survive? You… what would you choose?

He seemed satisfied with your answer, pulling away and looking ahead with his hands on his knees again. “I think… this world is a perfect one.” 

You couldn’t believe it. Did you just agree to an invitation to live in Borderlands? Maybe that’s really how this all ends. When you win the games, maybe it will just be your turn to make them. And then what? Maybe this is really Hell and you’re supposed to die here. 

If you’re a citizen, then you would probably work on the Spades games. Banda would definitely be in charge of Hearts. What about Chishiya? He’ll be in Diamonds, for sure. Is it really possible? A world where you and Chishiya could rule and be free? 

You shake the thoughts away. No. This can’t be it. If that were to happen, then you’re not free. You won’t ever be. Not here. You thought back to that man in the tunnel and what he made you do. You don’t want any of that any more than necessary. You won’t have blood on your hands anymore.

And just like that, an agreement is made between you and the serial killer. 

You’ll work together to know more about the citizens. Meaning, you have to catch the Jack of Hearts and interrogate him into telling you more.

For the next round, the boy in the blue-checkered shirt did not survive the lies of the big group. As expected, he isn’t the Jack of Hearts. 

You were getting some snacks in the cafeteria with Matsushita, even getting some food for Banda. You haven’t seen him eat at all the whole game. Are psychopaths incapable of knowing when to eat too?

You notice Matsushita getting the same brand of biscuits that he has been getting each round. Were those really good? You know you’ve tried them once before and there wasn’t really anything special about it. Nah. There was something off about it. How could he just keep getting the same snacks?

Chishiya’s group is mostly at the cafeteria during the rounds. Though, instead of sitting with them, he’s usually at a table beside them with the minion guy whose name you learned is Ippei. He’s just there, eating away his damned biscuits. Sometimes, he would even put four pieces into his mouth while staring into your eyes. Damn, he really missed them, huh?

From what you’ve eavesdropped on, things are starting to get messy with the big group. The blue-dressed girl is starting to turn on her members one by one. Now, you realize that the sole purpose of her making the group is to gain control over who dies first. As if she could get the Jack that way.

For the next few rounds, they fall like dominos. Their pictures are blacked out on the screen as if they’re players on a game show. They were visibly and loudly stressed, the members of the big group. Soon, they’ll be out like a light.

By round nine, you noticed that Chishiya and Ippei were somewhat separated from the group but are still there, opting to not include themselves in their arguments. He really just needs Ippei, you think. 

Banda has been keeping you alive so far. And you don’t think he’s been lying to you so far in any of your conversations alone with him. However, it’s Matsushita that has been suspicious. 

You have a feeling that he’s planning to eliminate Banda somehow. But you aren’t sure how. Does he think Banda’s the Jack of Hearts? 

And those biscuits. You’ve figured it out by round six. He’s communicating with the girl in office attire, the one with the boyfriend who was keeping her away from all the other players for protection. Yaba and Kotoko are their names if you remember them right from the screen. 

If the girl’s communicating with Matsushita then that means that she doesn’t trust her partner. From afar, Matsushita and Kotoko looked awfully submissive to their partners, Yaba and Banda. So, they’ve been scheming, acting like they’re being controlled.

Then it was just seven of you. You, Banda, Matsushita, Yaba, Kotoko, Chishiya, and Ippei. 

Ippei has been distressed the whole game. Unlike the people here who have been tainted by the games, he was pure. You’re glad Chishiya found a partner like him. 

But he’s wavering. And not in the way the others wavered into lying to save themselves. In fact, the boy looked disgusted with all the lies and killing. Just how did he survive all those games before?

“Y/N.” 

An agitated beckoning whisper pulls you back from your worry for Chishiya’s well-being and partner. It was Matsushita, looking around like he was wary of someone.

Huh. He’s going to try and eliminate me.

“What’s wrong?” You ask, feigning worry.

“Did you know that Banda’s a serial killer?” He asks like it’s new information.

You raise your brows and freeze from getting a snack on the shelf, turning your head to the man acting like you are in pure shock. “W-what?” 

“Before Borderlands. In the real world, he’s a serial killer. I think we should eliminate him. He may be the Jack of Hearts.” He explains distraught. 

Before you can react to his acting, Banda strides into the cafeteria. You shift and give the entering man a smirk. 

“Got that thing you brought me last time?”

You nod and reach for the snack and throw it in his direction. He catches it with ease as it lands on his stomach. 

“Let’s go back to the guardroom,” Banda says to both of you, taking a swift glance at Chishiya and his partner who was sitting on one of the tables as well. 

You follow Banda closely, wanting so badly to take a glance at the man in the white jacket when you feel his burning gaze following you and Banda. 

Chishiya’s all alone for the next round. You gathered that maybe Ippei couldn’t handle the mental pressure and eliminated himself because you don’t think that Chishiya would’ve given him the wrong answer when he needed him so much. He’s probably in the cafeteria all alone right now. Matsushita’s heading there right now to get his biscuits, leaving you alone with Banda just right outside the hall of the cafeteria. 

You don’t know why but you feel like this is the final round. 

Oddly, Banda’s keeping a close eye on you. You wonder if it’s because of him seeing you and Matsushita talking. 

He put a hand in front of you when you wanted to follow Matsushita into the cafeteria. You hope that he doesn’t think you don’t trust him anymore. 

“It’s him, isn’t it?” 

You break the silence with a mutter. And then he smirks, confirming your question. Matsushita’s the Jack of Hearts. He was right there beside you all along. 

You don’t say anything more, knowing that Matsushita’s about to come back any minute. You notice that Yaba gave Banda a glance when he passed. Either he finds Banda suspicious or they’ve been communicating too. 

By now, it’s you who’s not sure if you can still trust him.

“I won’t lie to you.” Banda is the one who speaks now, still not looking at you. “You don’t have to worry.” 

It was oddly comforting that you almost forgot that you were talking to a psychopath who kills women, of all people. However, you stayed quiet and nodded. 

Matsushita’s taking a bit long taking his biscuits and you know that Chishiya must’ve spoken to him in there somehow. He doesn’t have a partner, after all. Someone has to tell him about his suit. You want to do it for him but Banda’s keeping an eye on you.

When Matsushita appears again, Banda asks him what happened.

He fidgets on his biscuits packet and then answers. “The Jack of Hearts. I think that it’s that guy.” Then he points to Chishiya’s picture on the screen.

“I thought he was suspicious too,” Banda replies while looking up at the screen. 

“Hm. He did seem quiet through all of this.” You add. There was no point in denying Chishiya being suspicious. You nod at Matsushita as if complimenting him on his observance. But honestly, you want to punch his stupid fringe away from his eye. 

“Well, don’t worry.” He looks at you and Banda proudly. “He’ll die this round. I promise you that.” 

“Good,” you tell him and give him a smile but your blood was boiling deep inside. You wanted to punch him. He definitely lied to Chishiya about his suit back there. 

Fuck. How will you save him? How will you protect him? Think. I have to get out of Banda’s sight.

“Let’s tell each other’s symbol then,” you suggest. “I’ll go first.”

You turn around, lowering your hood and parting your hair from the back. Again, it’s Banda who first speaks up.

“Club.” 

When it was confirmed by Matsushita, he turned around. With Matsushita’s back turned to you and Banda, Banda gives you a glance and smirks. It was time. 

“Spade,” Banda says. 

You nod even if Matsushita couldn’t see it. “Spade,” you agree.

Then it was Banda’s turn. 

This time, Matsushita’s the one giving you a look.

“Spade,” Matsushita claims. 

You nod at Matsushita. “Spade.” 

Banda turns around and looks at the two of you as if assessing your faces. 

“Hm,” he hums. “I’m going to the restroom.” 

Finally, you’re free of this psychopath. 

“I’m going to get some snacks while you’re at it,” you reply. 

You watch as Banda walks away and turns into a corner. Just as you were about to walk off, Matsushita pulled you to the side.

“You’re a Heart. Banda lied to you.” He whispers in your ear. 

So his plan is to kill all of you here.

You nod and thank him. “Good. Thanks.” You whisper back and head to the cafeteria. 

However, just as you were about to leave the guardroom where Matsushita also is, Chishiya walks in. Fuck. How were you going to tell him his suit if he wasn’t there anymore?

You’re sure he still doesn’t know it. Matsushita lied to him and you’re sure Kotoko wouldn’t tell him anything. It’s up to you to give him some kind of sign. 

You take a swift glance at his nape. Diamond. How fitting for him. 

In the cafeteria, you got yourself some sweets and a chocolate drink again. There has to be some kind of sign you could give him. You look through the different kinds of snacks, wondering if you could sneak a tiny piece of paper into them. But that’d be too obvious. And you’d have to give him the snack. 

Then Matsushita’s biscuits catch your eye. 

Hm. You’re sure Chishiya would’ve noticed it too, right?

Hastily, you grab the pack of biscuits with the color of the wrap corresponding to his symbol and exchange it with your cake. Just as Matsushita and Kotoko have been doing.

Walking into the central guardroom, you munch on the cookies loudly and everyone turns their head to you, Chishiya included.

Please get it. 

Banda’s already there beside Matsushita and he was staring at you like a hawk. When you approach them, you wave the biscuits in front of Matsushita’s face.

“Yo, I tried your biscuits and I can see why you can’t get enough of them,” you say and bring another piece into your mouth. “Hey Banda, do you think we can get some of these supplies if we win?” 

“Maybe,” Banda actually replies to the stupid question. 

You hum, nodding while you chew your food. 

Your palms were cold inside the pockets of your jacket as you stand in front of the cell’s door. You’re a Club. Not a heart. It’s okay. You’ll be fine. 

Banda gives you one last glance with his dark eyes before opening his cell door and getting in. When he’s out of your view, Matsushita takes your line of sight. He gives you a nod as if you’re really partners and has deceived Banda. 

You noticed that he hasn’t even held his cell’s knob, waiting for you to get in. You sigh internally. You wanted to be the last one to get in and tell Chishiya his suit verbally. 

However, Chishiya has already opened his cell and gone in. You close your eyes and lick your lips, suddenly anxious. The lights inside this penitentiary are starting to hurt your eyes. The walls are dim as the lights are. No doubt prisoners go insane. 

Sighing, you open your cell and go in. 

“Please give your answer.”

Who do you trust? Banda or Matsushita? The Jack of Hearts or a serial killer?

Well, if you die then you die. 

“Club.”

A loud explosion is heard across the cells and your hands shot up to your neck. When it hits you that your neck is untouched and still very much attached to your body, you lean your back on the wall of the cell in relief. You’re alive. Banda hasn’t lied to you. Not even once. 

Then who died?

Anxiously, you wait inside your cell as you hear a cell door creak open. You’re not getting out there yet. Not without knowing who’s out there. 

A sinister laugh echoes through the halls and the cells. Matsushita. The Jack of Hearts. Has he thought he won? 

Then another door opens. You wait patiently, hoping it’s Chishiya. 

And then you hear that voice.

“I had a feeling you were the Jack of Hearts.”

Glee and relief rush through your veins and you smile with your head down. He’s alive, after all. That’s good.

“How did you—“ Matsushita is probably confused, thinking he successfully deceived everyone and won his own game. 

“You teamed up with Banda from the start and he’s a murderer so it just made sense,” Chishiya continues. 

“But Y/N teamed up with Banda too and she died,” he even tries to argue, thinking he really got you with his plan.

“Maybe. But Banda approached her first. You, however, approached him first and were moved by his little monologue. Still, I know you didn’t trust him. Not that fast.”

Then another cell opens. “Most people won’t even talk to a guy like me but you wanted to kill me. I could sense that in you right away.” It was Banda as you expected. “So I wanted to see if you were smart or just stupid or whether you were a true psychopath.”

“You mean…” You could sense the frightened tone in Matsushita’s voice, probably in disbelief. Still leaning against the wall and listening, you cross your arms and put a foot against the wall. You don’t want to come out yet. For some reason, it feels safer to be in isolation from those men.

“You thought you were controlling me this whole time but I was manipulating you into thinking that way. Ultimately, it was your huge superiority complex that gave you away.” 

Banda’s voice got clearer by the last sentence which means he’s right outside your door. 

“That kind of self-importance usually comes from being put into a special position—something that made you untouchable. In this case, it’s being chosen as the Jack,” Chishiya explains further.

And then your door opens, revealing you to the three men. You raise your head, finding that it was Banda who opened your cell. Banda gives you a proud look as you step out of your cell. Matsushita’s eyes widen at the sight of you alive and well. Behind him, Chishiya gives you a little wave. 

“Sorry. We already exchanged symbols before the three of us did.” You tell Matsushita. Betrayal doesn’t feel so great now, doesn’t it?

“You guys are wrong. Banda’s the Jack of Hearts!” Matsushita points at Banda, looking stressed and agitated.  

“Sorry, kid. It’s not Banda.” Yaba claims as he walks into the hall with his hands in his pockets. He must’ve slipped out of his cell as soon as the timer ended. 

Matsushita’s lips tremble at the sight of another player he failed to kill. “You and Kotoko were communicating. I told Kotoko her symbol and yet she still died. Which meant that Kotoko was being manipulated by someone other than me.” 

“Well then,” Matsushita nods, then points at Chishiya. “You should be accusing this guy.” 

“Whenever I went to the cafeteria, you and Kotoko would be there, getting snacks at the same time.” Chishiya is quick to counterpoint. A smile spreads across your face. So he did notice. “And every time, you’d get the exact same kind of snack. You and Kotoko were secretly communicating in the cafeteria.” 

“Both of you were just pretending that you were being controlled,” Chishiya concludes. 

“There were four different flavors of the snack,” you add, inserting your hands inside your jacket pockets and pulling out the empty packet of the biscuits you’ve eaten for Chishiya. “You would confirm your symbols by checking the packaging, using those snacks as a code with each other.”

You shifted your gaze from Matsushita to Chishiya and smiled sweetly, waving the empty packet. “I knew you’d caught on pretty quickly, Shuntaro.” 

Chishiya smiles back at you, raising a brow. “Yes. That’s how I got to know my symbol for this round. Thank you, Y/N.” 

“W-what? You two knew each other?” Matsushita is yet again shocked at another deception. Even Banda raises his brow, gazing from Chishiya to you.

“Kinda. It’s complicated.” You answer with a smirk and then shrug, tilting your head. 

Before the Jack of Hearts or Chishiya could react, Yaba speaks up again, reminding you to go back to the topic. “And then you told Kotoko to give me the wrong symbol. I really did trust her.” Yaba sighs. “Except at the end,” he finishes. He seemed really disappointed about it. Wow, he really planned to protect her till the end. It’s such a shame. But you understand Kotoko. You’d hate it too, the feeling of being controlled. 

Matsushita is short of breath because of his anger. “When did the four of you start working together?” 

“Well, the very first announcement said that this game is about how much we can trust one another. So we simply followed that principle.” As Yaba says that, Banda still has his eyes on you. 

“In order to gain someone’s trust, you can’t control, manipulate, or guide them in any way. You can’t brainwash them or hypnotize them, lie to them, or instill fear.” Yaba states what you basically said to Banda at the beginning of the game as he walks and stops beside you and Banda.

“It’s called equality,” he finishes his monologue.

“Wait a second, how can you be sure that it’s me? The Jack of Hearts could easily be any of you guys.” He looks at each and every one of you. However, nobody listens to his attempt to save himself. 

“Okay, maybe I did try to blame everything on you by setting you up, but look! That’s not enough. You don’t have proof that I’m the Jack of Hearts!”

“You sure about that?” Chishiya teases. 

“Huh?” Banda bites his teasing, confused.

“Just think about it. If they suspected that you were the Jack, then why did you survive the last round? Why didn’t Banda and Y/N lie? Tell you the wrong thing? The reason that you’re still alive is that you’re the Jack.” As he explains, Chishiya walks closer to him. Matsushita’s eyes were drowning in realization.

“These guys planned to keep you alive because they decided they wanna get information out of you,” he whispers but it’s still loud enough for all of you to hear. 

Matsushita turns to face the three of you in horror. Banda and Yaba begin to approach him. With Chishiya on his back and the two approaching him like predators targeting their prey, he was cornered. 

“Round 14. Start.”

Stupidly though, he decides to run. He turns and pushes Chishiya out of the way, running in the opposite direction. It made Chishiya stumble but he was able to balance himself and stay on his feet. Banda looks over at you and you sigh. 

You were obviously faster than the lanky arrogant guy, catching up with him before he could even get to half of the hall. You leap into the air and kick his back, sending his face to the floor. As he grunts in pain, you lift his head through his hair. 

You drag him across the floor as he panics and screams. Pushing one of the cell doors open, you throw him inside, his body hitting the ground with a loud thud. 

Yaba enters the cells first, taking off his coat and you stand on the side. Matsushita looks up at him, scared and weakened. Banda enters next, holding a shaver and a knife. You try not to react knowing what will happen next.

Banda gives you a smirk as you stand against the wall of the small confinement. “Thank you, darling.” He tilts his head while saying it and your face heats up, both a little frightened and surprised at the nickname.

“What are you doing?!” Matsushita cries.

Yaba began to tell him the reason why they were going to torture him. It was suddenly too crowded for four of you in one cell. Oh god. This is going to be gruesome. Do you have to stay here with them?

“Y/N,” Chishiya calls out your name from outside the cell. “Let’s go.” 

You look at him and his face doesn’t look like it’s going to accept any answer other than yes. You look over to Matsushita who was shaking in fear. His eyes met yours and they were pleading for you to help him. You huff and look away. 

“I’m sorry that we won’t be able to kill you.” Banda crouches down to become face-to-face with Matsushita. “But there are other ways to have fun.” 

As Bands holds the blade against his face, you take it as an opportunity to slip out of the cell. Matsushita’s screams fill the halls of the penitentiary. You and Chishiya stood side by side outside the cell, listening to whatever information Banda and Yaba were getting out of him.

The splurts of blood and the scream for help by Matsushita made you squirm as you sat on the floor against the wall with Chishiya standing by your side. They didn’t get much out of him. 

The torture lasted for an hour. 

When it was time to give his symbol, Matsushita immediately said the wrong answer. Then, the game was cleared. 

You and Chishiya walk together outside of the penitentiary, already having retrieved your weapons. It’s already morning. The two of you look up to the sky to see the Jack of Hearts’ blimp explode. This is the second game you’ve been in. How the hell did you even survive that without Chishiya telling you your suits? 

Banda and Yaba were walking out of the penitentiary side by side before you and Chishiya could even get far from the prison. 

Banda still had his eyes on you as he left Yaba and walked over in your direction. You stop, waiting for the serial killer, and see what he has to say. You grip the strap of the Katana’s sheath tighter to brace yourself for any attack, though you doubt that he would be able to attack you.

“My offer still stands.” 

You don’t know what it is that makes you so intriguing to Banda but you were grateful that it kept you alive throughout the game. However, no matter how odd it may sound, you don’t trust Banda as much as you did inside the game. Outside the game, he still looked like a serial killer who would kill you in the middle of the day. He also said that he only planned to keep you alive till the end of the game. So what about after that?

It did not appeal to you, the invitation to rule this world along with him. He wanted to be a citizen. You feel like Yaba does too. But you? You know you don’t want to. But what if Chishiya wants to? 

Before you could answer, Chishiya does it for you.

“No.” 

You whip your head to the guy behind you, with his chin up and hands inside his pockets. “She’s with me.” 

Banda doesn’t even look at him. His eyes are still on you. “She told me she likes her guys a little deranged.” 

“Exactly,” Chishiya answers again. “Key word: Little.” 

“And I’m assuming that’s you?” Banda finally looks at Chishiya, subtly sizing him up with his dark eyes and smirk. You don’t know what’s happening but you’re not a fan of it.

You step up in front of Chishiya, putting yourself in Banda’s line of sight. He shifts his eyes to you. You glare up at him through your lashes, brows furrowed and frowning like a lioness protecting her cub. It was a poisonous stare that made Banda’s lips curl up in amusement, the same strange gleam in his eyes sparkling like before.

There were no words you had to say as your eyes bore into his, fronting every confidence you have to make him get away from you and Chishiya without a fight. 

���Such a shame,” Banda says. “If you change your mind, or if anything happens and you’re alone, I’m sure we’ll find each other.”

You nod, doing anything for him to get out of your sight even with his frightening last statement. He leaves with Yaba. It seemed he made a companion for the rest of the games anyway. 

When you can no longer see their silhouette, you turn around to face Chishiya, he gives you an unamused look. You frown, already knowing what he’s thinking.

“You didn’t listen,” he scolded.

“You asked me to stay put!” You complain, throwing your arms around. “I can’t just do that.”

“So you go ahead and join a Hearts game? Really?” He starts to turn around and walk while speaking. You follow him hastily, grunting.

“I was supposed to go to a Spades game but the King of Spades showed up. You? What’s your excuse?” You cross your arms as you now walk side by side. 

Chishiya had his hands in his jacket’s pockets. You sigh when you hear his answer. “The King of Spades too, huh? He really doesn’t rest.” 

“Right. Do you think I can take him on?” You ask this time. If there weren’t guns involved. You think you could do it. Maybe. You don’t know. You’ve fought war veterans back in the underground. He seemed to be one of them. 

“No.” Chishiya didn’t even sugarcoat it.

“Then, we have to find Arisu and the others. It’d be better to try and take him down with numbers.” You think out loud.

“Just leave it to them, won’t you?” Chishiya suggests. This makes you frown once again. You really didn’t want to do that.

“No. I want to try and face him. The King of Spades.” You declared. 

Chishiya doesn’t answer anymore but you know he disapproves of it. You two were both doing it lately, just doing whatever the hell you wanted without caring about what the other might think. You’re starting to think that Borderlands is rubbing off on you.

And then you remember the game. 

“Hey, you asshole. You didn’t even try to partner up with me during the game. What if Banda lied to me?” You huff.

He sighs. “I did try to tell you every round. It was how many cookies I ate.”

Oh… Oh! That’s why he was eating four pieces at a time. 

“I slipped the meaning of each count in one of your favorite snacks and you took it. I thought you saw what I wrote. Idiot.” 

“What the…” you were in disbelief, a hand over your mouth. You stop in your tracks, pressing your lips together dramatically and lifting your head as if you were preventing yourself from crying. 

You point to Chishiya. “You’re telling me… I trusted Banda all throughout the game when I could have known my suit every round?”

Chishiya kept walking, not even bothering to look at your dramatic acting. However, you hear him mutter the word idiot one more time. 

You can’t believe this. He still looked out for you. How much of a dumbass are you to not see that fucking note he left in your snack?

“What was the offer Banda made you?” 

You know he’d grow curious about it. He was probably itching to ask about it the moment the murderer walked away. You’ll have to congratulate him for only asking about it now that you’ve found another place to stay at.

It was closer to the center of Tokyo. Now that you know that the King of Spades was roaming around the outskirts of the city, it’s safer for you to be here. Chishiya was right about his hunch as usual. If only you expected it to happen sooner.

“Banda… he wants to be a citizen.”

The thought of the psychopath still gives you goosebumps. He was scary. He’s the kind of man you’d rather avoid than beat up. You wonder what game he went to next. Did he go with Yaba? They seemed to get along after the game.

“And?” Chishiya presses.

“He thinks that I should be one too. He wanted me to join him in staying here. He said I was just like him.” It was funny. How could a psychopath compare himself to you? Somehow, it makes you think. Are you really just like him in some way?

“What a load of crap,” Chishiya muttered as he leaned on the wall of the room, arms crossed with his hood down. You’re currently staying at a condominium. Specifically, your home. 

You were curious if it was still here. Surprisingly, it was. So is this world really just a mirror of the real world, just abandoned? 

“What?” You barely heard what he said so you asked in case you heard it wrong. 

You’ve just finished cleaning it to be habitable to the best of your abilities. You’re just staying here for one night anyway. You just wanted to see it for a while.

“Why are we here?” Chishiya answers your question with another. 

You give him a glare before jumping on your bed. Your back hits the soft mattress, the exhaustion catching up with you. It just hit you that you were awake all night because of the game. “I missed my bed too much.”

“You can go back to your bed once you get back to the real world.” 

When I’m back in the real world, huh? To be honest, your time with Banda is on your mind. What if… There really is no end to this? You need to keep your mind open and have no expectations. You need to prepare yourself for anything.

“How optimistic of you, Shuntarou.”

“How the tables have turned.” Chishiya chuckles in a low voice. “Tell me, has Banda gotten into your head?” 

You scoff but let your silence answer his question. This made Chishiya sigh out loud. As you stare up at the ceiling, you feel the edge of the mattress sink, indicating Chishiya sat down with his back turned to you. 

“It’s just… What if this is really it? What if we can’t go back? What if this really ends when we die? Like Asaki and Matsushita?” You were thinking out loud and indulging Chishiya in it. You’re sure he’s listening. He always was. Even if sometimes you didn’t feel like he was. 

“He asked me why I want to live so much.” You were still staring up at the ceiling, your eyes focused on absolutely nothing. “And you asked me what was so valuable back in my life that I want to go back.”

You pause and think. 

Let’s say that somehow, you are able to go back and finally leave Borderlands? What happens when you’re back in the real world? It’ll be the same. High heels, full-course meals, boring meetings, attending parties, drinking wine. Then, once in a while, you’ll risk your life in underground fights. When you win, you’re back at the hospital, chasing around a guy that you’re not even sure if he wants you. 

And then there’s your father. 

Knowing that piece of shit, he most probably doesn’t care that you’re gone. He never wanted you anyway. You were just a product of an unwanted pregnancy with a whore who chased him around. Well, that’s what he told you multiple times. 

Your mother wasn’t a whore. She was just a girl in love. She loved him and he loved her too. However, he didn’t see a future with her because of her status. She was a nurse and he wanted someone better, someone more powerful. So, when he learned she was pregnant, he pushed her away. 

It broke her heart so much that it killed her months after you were born.

Your father regretted it so much that he loathed you. You were only a reminder of what he lost—of his mistakes. Still, your father never married and you don’t know why when he would insult you and your mother any time he could. You wish he just did so he could look at something else other than you. He took you in, gave you a roof over your head, and fed you but never raised you. You were raised by maids, tutors, and your grandparents who were just as cold but at least they cared more. 

There was never a person you could say that was your own just because they are. You never really felt alive. You had no family. Your friends never really felt like your friends. The money you spend away is never really something you earned. And the person that makes your heart race… was with you because he was after something else. 

Maybe Borderlands is better.

Here, Chishiya is something else. He was still the same, cruel and selfish. But here, you tasted his lips. You don’t know if that’s just him being affected by the apocalyptic situation you’re in but you were still happy it happened. 

You’re happy here because the people around you here, they’re reaching for you—actually you. They wanted you. They weren’t reaching for their past lover that birthed you, weren’t reaching for a few paid bottles of alcohol or food, weren’t reaching for social connections, weren’t reaching for wealth, weren’t reaching for a punching bag—weren’t reaching for anything at all but for some reason, their hands found you first. 

And so they settled. 

But here, you found Arisu and Usagi who relied on you and you relied on them. Here, you can feel that Chishiya cares about you. Here, he wore the jacket you gave him.

“Chishiya…” A tear fell out of your eye. You didn’t even realize that you were on the verge of crying. “I think I can accept it. If this is the end for me.” 

Ice-cold skin collides with your laid out hand on the bed and you almost jump in shock because of the temperature. 

Chishiya who still had his back turned to you, reached out for your hand… and held it. 

You can’t see his face, not when he wasn’t letting you. Chishiya never liked skinship. He was always eager to push you away whenever you tried to initiate it. You respected it though. You would always annoy him only with your words but you always remembered to keep your boundaries. 

But here he was, with his hand on top of yours. 

Honestly, it was more awkward than comforting. Your hand is frozen in place, unsure of what’s happening. The room was dim and you don’t have a clue what his face looked like right now. Never has Chishiya ever shown you empathy in words or in actions. This is the first time he has ever touched you like this.

“Shuntarou?” It was a whisper, calling out his attention and at the same time asking him why he was holding your hand. “What’s wrong?”

Like a feather, his touch is soft and fleeting. Within seconds after your question, his hand lifts off of you as if it was never really there. 

Before you know it, your bed dips on each side and you realize that Chishiya is now hovering over you with his hands on either side of your head and knees on either side of your legs. 

Your breath hitches and heat immediately rushes to your face at the intimate position. The air is suddenly heavier as the atmosphere changes. You see his face through the moonlight coming from the window. Up close, Chishiya’s face is clearer like you can memorize every detail and be able to draw it like a portrait artist with a photographic memory. 

His brow was slightly furrowed and his lips were parted slightly. He was staring you down right in the eye like he was trying to say something. They were blazing as if he was raging, his mind boggled into a million words but he couldn't speak of it.

You blink, confused as your gaze fleets to his lips, remembering your previous kisses. 

And then his gaze finally softens and a hand that was digging the mattress beside you moves to your face. It caresses your cheek and you involuntarily lean into his hold. Then, it moves up to your head, pushing your hair back away from your face so he could see it more clearly.

Your eyes sparkle in front of him. The untied lower half of his white hair is falling in your direction. You always loved the length of his hair. Sometimes, you would crave to run your hands through them. However, that was just a fantasy before.

Longing. Comfort. Lust. Which one of these three is he trying to say to you? 

His hand stops on your cheek, wiping away the tears with his thumb. Then, his hand moves to your lips, thumb pressing into the soft parted flesh, caressing it. It stops in the middle and presses further. 

You decide to take things further, the hell with whatever he was trying to do. You parted your lips and encircled his thumb with your mouth as you stared up at him intensely. Your wrapped lips suck him in and you see his brows rise and eyes darken. You let your tongue run through his finger, sucking like you would another part of him. And finally, with a loud pop, you let his thumb go. 

For a few seconds, all you could do is stare at each other with overwhelming lust in your eyes. Whatever the conversation was earlier, long forgotten. Right now, the need for each other is heightened, your core being awakened. His mouth finds yours immediately, smashing one another with a burning passion. His hips lower and you feel the hardening of his center on your abdomen. You lift your hips up as you gasp into the kiss, feeling the pressure of his clothed cock against your pulsing heat. Wanting to feel more of him, you grind yourself up to him once more. 

As you do that, Chishiya pulls away from your mouth, buries his head on your neck, and moans. Oh, you were going to be addicted to that sound. You want to hear more of it. 

“Do you want me, Shuntarou?” He was still littering kisses on your neck as you asked that question. This a bold question. What are you going to do if he says no? 

And yet he doesn’t answer. He continues licking and biting your neck. However, his hand rises to your cheek and then he does it. Two taps with three fingers. The same as he did that one morning after sharing your first kiss. You hadn’t minded it then, thinking it was just some cute gesture that he’d do instead of showing affection to you. Well, it is. But it’s more than that. Specifically, you don’t know what it means. But it seemed like a yes. You just had to be sure.

“Tell me.” You hold his hand that was holding your face.

He lifts his head that was buried in your neck, finally looking at you in the eyes. “Yes.”

Then he closes the distance between you once again. You surrendered yourself to him completely, with him pulling you in with his hands beside your face. You grasp the sides of his shirt, crumpling it as you try to pull it up, wanting to feel his bare skin. He smirks against your lips, pulling away and kneeling on the bed. He pulls his shirt over his head, revealing his lean body to you. 

You sit up, immediately drawn to his body. He lets you eye himself, picking up your hand and placing it on his chest. You look up at him through your lashes with enlarged pupils, pulse racing, and mouth agape. He looks down at you with equally as much emotion. You know this through the feeling of his heart beating in his chest. Chishiya wasn’t much one to show off his body. You admit that he wasn’t the most athletic but he did exercise as much as he needed. He wasn’t as fit but he was healthy.

You feel his body through your hands, running them up and down his chest and stomach, memorizing the feeling of his skin against your palms. You rarely see him topless so you wanted to remember this. He bends down to capture your lips again, caressing your cheek gently then down to your neck, to your shoulders, and then your waist. 

You gasp against his lips as he lifts and spins you around, sitting you on his lap. You’re on top of him this time, legs folded on his sides while your heat directly sits on his crotch. 

His lips are back on your neck, sucking and marking them. You rest your hands on his shoulders as he continues his attacks of kisses on your neck. His hands on your waist go lower and under the fabric, goosebumps forming from his touch. His hands roam around your skin under the shirt, inches away from the underside of your breasts. When he finally feels them, he freezes.

He pulls away from your neck and with a frown, he asks. “You aren’t wearing a bra?” He seemed a little pissed.

“Who the hell wears a bra to sleep?” You ask, dumbfounded and confused as to why this is relevant. 

“You should always be ready to run.” He complains like an idiot, brows furrowed. “Do you always sleep like this here?” He raises a brow. 

“Of course not, you idiot. Only with you.” 

After you said that, the corner of his lips tug into a satisfied tight-lipped smile. You smirk back, hands on the hem of your shirt. You pull the clothing off of you, exposing your braless breasts to him. The cold air hitting your skin hardens your nipples instantly, catching Chishiya’s eye in the process. 

Most of the time, you feel comfortable with your body. You like to think you looked sexy with your well-built body. Then again, Chishiya has never looked at you like this—not in this context. 

It made you feel a bit insecure, not being one of the girls with perfect, unbruised skin and thin delicate bodies. 

You cower in his gaze, not quite covering yourself but looking away to avoid seeing his reaction further. He notices this and uses two fingers on your chin to bring your face back in his direction. 

“Look at me,” he orders. With glossy eyes filled with want and lust, you stare at his eyes, the beauty mark under his right eye, and his delicate lips. “Only look at me.” He repeats himself. 

You nod, holding his gaze for a while before he leans to pepper kisses on your chest, not quite reaching where you want him most. His hands were on your ribs, thumbs tracing the underside of your breasts. Then his lips finally circle the curve of your breasts, sucking the skin and marking them as he did with your neck. 

“Shuntarou.” You were pleading, whining, and asking him to place his mouth or even just his hands where you really wanted him to. You jolt when his hand comes up to pinch your nipple, earning a moan from you. 

“Patience,” he reminds you.

He continued licking your skin, kissing your neck and chest alternately while holding one of your boobs in hand, massaging them. Your sensitive nipples were aching to be touched. You badly wanted to take his head in your hands and bury his face in your chest so he could smother them with his mouth.

When his tongue licks one nipple like a kitten as if testing the waters, you shudder. A soft whine slips from your mouth, not being able to control yourself and place a hand on the back of his hair as he fully envelopes his lips on your nipple, sucking it ferociously. 

Throwing your head back in pleasure, you grind your crotch on his hardening one. The friction of your clothed regions goes directly to your clit and now you were sure that you were soaked. Deciding you absolutely wanted more, you place both your hands on his shoulder and ground yourself on his clothed cock repeatedly while he flicks, licks, and sucks your hardened buds. He was eager to taste every inch of your chest and you were drowning in absolute bliss.

Hands shot down to your torso, stopping you from your back-and-forth motion. You frown as he pulls away and stares at you with a smirk.

Before you can protest, he flips you over again, earning a squeal from you. He captures your lips again in a desiring kiss and your arms instantly wrap around his neck, making him press an arm to the mattress by the side of your head. 

His other hand is still at your hips, thumb circling the skin just above the band of your shorts. It inches closer and closer until a finger is hooked under the soft material, teasing but not pulling it down quite yet. His hand goes under the material, feeling your underwear with his palm. You involuntarily clench as his palm goes directly to your clothed clit.

You feel him smirk in between the kiss as he feels your wetness, encouraging him to nibble on your lips. You were in dire need of him. You needed him to touch you, to mark you, to fuck you. 

“Please,” you plead, breaking the kiss and looking up at him with hazy lustful eyes. 

“Are you sure?” He asks, his hand going still under your shorts. You nod almost immediately and vocalize your consent. 

He doesn’t wait for a second after he hears it and slides your shorts and panties down your legs. You slightly shiver when the cold air hits your bare center, feeling the wetness dripping from it. His hands parted your legs so he could see more of you, making you feel a little more conscious than usual with a rose tint on your cheeks. You were completely bare in front of him while he was still clothed from the waist down. You should be a little shy but you weren’t, something about the dynamic feels more erotic.

Chishiya’s hands are moving slowly from your thighs but not quite getting where you want them. Instead, his fingers dig into the flesh of your thighs, massaging them with a purpose: to tease you and make you wetter.

When he is satisfied, he bends downwards. Oh. You didn’t expect this.

He licks one languid stripe from your hole to your clit, gathering the wetness on his tongue to which he swallows with a hum, his cat-like eyes fluttering open after. You swallow the lump in your throat as you stare at him in the eye, wide-eyed at the erotic scene that Chishiya played out for you. 

“Delicious,” he comments before diving in for more. Your hands immediately shoot down to make a home in his white hair as his head is buried between your legs, your back arching in pleasure as you gasp. 

He presses open-mouth kisses to your clit and you don’t know what to do with yourself, feeling lost in the immense pleasure he was giving you. You tug at the strands of his hair but he doesn’t seem to mind, his ministrations to your cunt the only thing he’s focusing on. 

Chishiya was like a man who suffered drought for years with the way he was eating your pussy. Half of his face is probably covered with your juices. You were only seeing the mop of hair between your legs but you can definitely feel his face mold against your heat. 

He hums as he eats you out, sending vibrations and shock waves to your spine. You love Chishiya and you admit you thought about him naked from time to time. You also fantasized about this happening once or twice but hell, you didn’t know that it’d be the first thing he’d do and be so good at it. 

He begins to catch on soon that it was clit stimulation that sends you closer and closer to that aimed high. The pressure begins to build in your abdomen, making you mewl and moan out his name to continue with whatever he was doing. It was a bit embarrassing how fast he could make you reach this point in only a few minutes. Was it because he was really good or was it because you held feelings for him that you hadn’t for anyone else? 

The sound filling the room is obscene, his tongue lapping your wetness echoing your bedroom walls. Your clit is throbbing underneath his tongue. 

The tension building up in your stomach rises with every flick of his tongue on your bundle of nerves and you feel it closer than ever to your most wanted high. 

“Chishiya,” you sob, fingers tugging his hair. “Baby, please…”

The nickname slipped out in the midst of your begging. What’s funny is you don’t even know what you’re begging for. For him to not stop or for him to make you come already? Maybe it was both.

“I know,” Chishiya murmurs against your cunt and gives your clit one extended suck before practically lifting your bottom half from the bed and digging his head further into your pussy.

He’s quicker than ever and you can’t not appreciate seeing Chishiya’s blatant display of eagerness and lust. His nose is pressed against your pelvis, lapping up your cunt as if it’s the last thing he’ll do. Your wetness is dripping down your thighs, pussy providing more for him like a water source. 

“Oh, ngghh… Shuntaro… Yes. Fuck!” You moaned incoherently while your hips involuntarily grind against his face. He doesn’t mind, his hot appendage flicking his tongue against your swollen clit and heating you up further.

You’re going insane, not knowing where to put your hands. They went from his hair to grasping the sheets, to feeling every inch of your naked skin, to groping your tits and pinching your nipples, to pulling your hair, and then back to his mop of hair between your legs. You were an absolute mess and it was all because of Chishiya’s mouth on your pussy.

You were a mess and your mind is blank, void of any thoughts except of the knowledge that you were about to cum. Your stomach is unwinding at a breakneck speed, your breathing heavy as Chishiya is working endlessly to get you there. He pushes and pushes until—

And then you came.

Your legs clasped around Chishiya’s head as you came, your moans in the form of screams. You can’t hear anything, too indulged in the sinking pleasure and gasping for air. He was still there with you, continuing to eat your pussy like you weren’t cumming messily under him.

You were trying to catch your breath when it subsided, finally releasing Chishiya from your legs by parting them. He gazes up at you to admire your face which was cherry red and wet with tears you didn’t even know were there.

You give him a lopsided smile, eyes content and chest warm. 

You pull him from below you and he lets himself be carried to your face, lips meeting in a soft kiss. It’s a sight to behold, half of his face covered in your juices. It is seldom that Chishiya is caught in a mess and right now, it was all because of you.

His fingers are on your core again, not even letting your sensitivity subside. You don’t complain though, excited with what more he could give you.

He spreads your wetness around your pussy, careful enough to go around your sensitive clit to not hurt you. Your tongue explores his mouth, tasting yourself in the process. 

His finger is prodding your hole, teasing the tip in and out or circling it. When he finally enters you with a finger, you gasp. He was already knuckle deep, not pulling it out but curling that finger until the pad of his finger felt that spongy spot inside you. 

You grasp the bicep of the arm that was beside your head. He leans down to suck your nipple again, making you arch your back again. He adds another finger, navigating your pussy as if wanting to learn every crevice of your cunt. 

He pistons his fingers in your pussy while overstimulating your sensitive nipples. The pleasure was immense and you abruptly sat up when his pace went faster, hitting that certain spot inside you that’s an instant gateway to your edge. 

Contrasting your loud moans and constant citing of Chishiya’s name, your partner is not as audible as you expected. Unlike your other partners before, he’s more on actions than words, making sure you were enjoying, checking every sign of your pleasure or discomfort in your face. 

He wraps an arm around your back, supporting your upper body slightly closer to his as his other hand is knuckles deep inside your cunt. 

You were mumbling incoherencies as his fingers repeatedly hit that spot while his mouth worked expertly on your tits. 

“Again,” he orders. “Cum for me again.”

He inserts another finger as he says that and the stretch burns so good. You often dreamed about his hands. God, his hands. Delicate and well-controlled. He was a doctor, after all. You don’t forget how in med school, you’d watch his hands as he demonstrates something and your mind would trail off somewhere. Now, those same fingers are where you want them to be. 

What else could you do but comply?

Your orgasm gushes out and takes you off guard. His fingers don't stop, each thrust of his fingers making your cunt squelch. The sound is lewd and you don’t think you’ve been pleasured like this your whole life. It was so unfair. How is Chishiya handsome, intelligent, and good at sex? 

You were panting when you came down from your high, staring at Chishiya with spent and glossy eyes.

“W-what the fuck,” you breathed out, unbelieving what just happened. He just made you cum two times and you haven’t even seen his dick. 

“Are you tired? We can stop here.” He asks you out of concern. You’re already vigorously shaking your head as an answer. 

“No. I want to feel you,” you say while palming his erection over his pants. “Want to taste you too.” 

“You don’t have to.” He was serious about it, eyes soft and genuine. Men would often want a reciprocation when it comes to oral sex, that is, if they even gave one in the first place. But Chishiya, this man right here, the man you adored since the first day, he was different.

“I want to,” you say before wrapping your arms around him and pressing your lips against his. You pushed his body to lay down on his back and you trail your kisses from his lips to his neck to his chest and down to his pants. His legs spread, lying comfortably on the mattress.

Unlike Chishiya who liked to take it slow, you were impatient, tugging down his pants and briefs in one motion before completely removing them and throwing them somewhere on the floor. His cock springs out and it was already hard and leaking at the tip. You look at it with anticipation, basically salivating as you were eager to taste him.

You wrap your hand around the base and licked the tip with your tongue, making him hiss. You were sure to taste him first before anything else then you moaned as he did when he first tasted you, looking up at him dirtily through your lashes.

His eyes were shut close and his jaw was clenched, basking in the second of pleasure. You wanted more from him—to make him a mess under you as he did you.

You spread his pre-cum with your thumb and then spat, using both as lube as you slide your hand up and down his shaft. His face contorts into pleasure and hums. 

Finally, you wrap your lips around his tip, swirling and sucking it as if it’s the last meal you’ll have. Chishiya was of decent length but the girth—oh god, the girth. It suddenly made sense why he used three fingers on you earlier. 

You push your head down on him, taking him little by little. If he was good at it, then you’ll show him how great you can be at it too. You bobbed your head back and forth, taking more and more of him at every thrust. Your hands massage his balls as you suck his cock. 

Chishiya’s head is thrown back when you glance up, his beautiful neck on display for you. This only motivates you more, fastening your pace, not minding as lewd sounds come out of you as you choke and gag on his cock.

Your eyes stay on him, waiting for his eyes to meet yours again. And it does. He glances down at you, teeth clenched together in an attempt to strain a groan from him. “Fuck,” he hissed.

You were probably a messy sight to behold. Tears on your blushing face, saliva leaking out of the corner of your mouth, and all high on pleasure and lust. Despite this, he looks at you in pure adoration in contrast to the sinful situation. 

Freeing his cock from your mouth with a little ‘pop’, you breathe and give him a smile before sticking out a flattened tongue and running your tongue from the base to the tip. You take him in your mouth again, humming to create vibrations as you swirl your tongue and bob your head ferociously. 

And then you hear it. He moans and mumbles your name. 

You didn’t know that he wanted you to stop, taking the sinful sounds coming out from him as motivation to make him come. It was turning you on so much, having such a man writhing with the way you suck his cock. He practically pulls your head away from his cock for you to realize. “Need to be inside you,” he explains in a rush. Once again, he flips the two of you over. There was no warning, no second to prepare.

In one swift motion, his cock enters you, taking his cock inch for inch. You were so wet that he entered with ease, making you gasp and hold onto his shoulders for support. He doesn’t move for the first few seconds, taking in your warmth and tightness. His eyes are closed and his brows are furrowed when his entire length is inside you.

“Shuntarou,” you mewl. Just as you thought, he was on the thicker side, filling your cunt so well. 

“Feel so good,” he mumbles against your neck.

The warmth goes straight to your chest, an unfamiliar feeling during sex. His cock is nestled inside your warmth but you wanted him to move so you grind yourself against him. The sudden friction makes him groan, digging his arms into the mattress as he raises himself just above your face. And then he starts to move.

He pulls out until just the tip of his cock is inside then he slams it back inside again, your sensitivity from previous orgasms doubling the pleasure and making you moan out curses. He starts building the pace, cock thrusting in and out of your heat. It stretches your cunt, every pound hitting your g-spot which he found with ease. Your body jostles with every snap of his hips.

You wanted to keep your eyes open and see every slight change on his face. The way his brows furrow, the way creases form on his forehead, the way his lips part slightly, and the way he pants. But it was all too good.

“Fuck! Oh shit. Please don’t stop!” You plead with shut eyes, tears leaking out of the sides of them as you clench your pussy just as he grinds his cock right at the spongy area of your cunt.

“All mine,” he grunts. “You’re all mine.” It was so lewd and vulgar. You were so wet and loud that you were sure that even the mattress is now soaked with your wetness, your sheets forever ruined. 

“Yes,” you croak. “Only yours.” Your words give him some kind of encouragement, his pace going faster than ever. You’ve never seen Chishiya this energetic. He’s pounding into you with reckless abandon, his cock hitting all your nerves as you wail in ecstasy. 

You both were chasing your high like madmen, you thrusting up your hips to meet his rhythm. Your cunt was clenching around his length and he let out a guttural growl every time you did it. 

“On your knees,” he commands as he pulls out of you.

You get on your knees, hands digging into the mattress to support yourself. He hisses behind you, cock entering you once again in one swift motion. Your back instantly arches and his hands fly down to your shoulder and waist. The hand on your shoulder slides to your neck and then to your throat, wrapping around it lightly. You turn your head to him, catching his smirk as he looks at you while squeezing your hips. He starts moving his hips, cock hitting deeper than ever. He has you rolling your eyes to the back of your head, his hand gripping the sides of your neck and adding to the haziness of your brain. 

You turn your head again, watching as he captivatingly watches his cock move in and out of you. It was good. So good. But it was painstakingly slow.

“Faster,” you beg, voice a little coarse. He complies, grip on your hip and throat tightening to anchor himself as he rams his hips into you faster and deeper, fucking you silly. 

“Fuck!” You scream out, starting to get high on the bliss the sex was giving you. Your back curves to him as he finds his rhythm and thrusts in fast motion. 

The hand on your hips slides down to your pussy, his finger stroking your clit in swift circles. You scream, his dick hitting that sweet spot inside your and his fingers overstimulating your bundle of nerves.

“Chishiya, I’m—“ Your voice hitches, putting all your strength on keeping you steady even if your whole body is turning into jelly. You were completely engulfed in his touches.

“Come,” he commands for the second time. For the third time that day, the coil inside you snaps, your orgasm coming down at you in full force. Loud and messy. Just as you are. 

The fuzzy feeling rushes through your body, making your cunt tighten at your orgasm. Chishiya pounds harder to chase his own. Both of his hands snap back to your hips to avoid hurting you with overstimulation. His hips were stuttering, a sign that he was close too as your pussy cages him. 

“Where?” He asked out loud while you were still coming down from your high. Your mind was hazy but it was clear enough to know what you wanted. “Inside,” you blubber. “I have an IUD.” 

Just like that, he spills inside of you. Underneath him, you were a sobbing mess, sensitive to having three consecutive orgasms. 

You take a glance at the man, his brows were knitted in pleasure, a few strands of his white hair sticking to his face. He was incredibly beautiful. Chishiya was a ravishing man and he just unveiled you. You wouldn’t want more for a while.

“Fuck,” he pants. His hands fall down from your hips and to his sides. He keeps his cock inside you for a few seconds after he comes down from his high before pulling out. Immediately, your body collapses on the mattress, your mixed juices spilling out of your pussy as your muscles all come loose. 

With your head turned to the side and buried in the pillows, you can’t see Chishiya behind you. However, you do feel his hands come down to your ass as he spreads them apart, most probably watching his cum inside you. He collects them with his fingers, the tips of them brushing your sensitive clit in the process and making you shudder. Then his fingers enter your cunt again, pushing your mixed cum into you again. It was so erotic and vulgar, his fingers just ruining your oversensitive cunt. You squirm, the pleasure all too much. 

“Ah…” you moan weakly. Chishiya chuckles and pulls his fingers out of you, the dip of his knees on the bed disappearing and you hear his steps on the floor. You were too tired to look at him but you do hear the water running in the bathroom for a few seconds before his steps return to the bed.

You jolt at the cold and damp towel meeting the skin of your thighs. He wipes you gently, hands working in favor of your sensitivity. He was so gentle that it almost felt relaxing. You let him do what he was doing and close your already droopy eyes.

When he’s done, you feel the bed dip beside you. Your hands immediately find his chest even with your eyes already closed, pulling yourself closer to him as you let yourself finally fall asleep.

When you woke up, Chishiya was gone. It made you nervous, finding the side of his bed cold and another canned food on the top of your bedside table. You reach for it, sighing and reading the label before putting it back down again.

You sat up, your blanket falling down from your body and exposing your naked breasts. It suddenly felt too cold and you notice the clean folded clothes sitting by your blanket-clad feet. 

You get out of bed and decide to shower first. After cleaning yourself, you went back to your bedroom and started dressing up. Starting with the fresh underwear, you slip the panties on first and then the sports bra after. As the band below the sports bra snaps to your skin, you hear Chishiya speak.

“You’re awake,” he walks into the room and sits casually on the chair in front of your desk as if you weren’t half naked—as if you haven’t just had sex. 

“Where were you?” You snapped, not looking at him and taking the yoga pants in your hands. You start slipping your legs into it as you wait for an answer. 

“The King of Diamonds. Registration will start later.” You froze.

The two of you just survived a game together, and now he still wants to join another? Well, he is Chishiya after all. What were you thinking? Just because you two had sex, he’ll magically change overnight? You sigh, pulling the pants to your waist. “Okay,” you reply. 

“Okay?” His voice sounded intrigued. He didn’t expect you to just agree like that.

“Okay,” you repeat, still not looking at him.

You sigh, grabbing the black dry-fit shirt. You pull it over your head as you speak. “I can’t really stop you, can I?” Besides, he hasn’t played a Diamonds game and you know he wanted to. 

You pull the hem of the shirt, all done and dressed up. You know he didn’t want you coming to that game. And to be frank, you were all done with it. You had plenty of days on your visa and there were only a few games left. You have to put your trust in Chishiya. And if you will, a Diamonds game is where you trust him the most. He can do it, right?

“I’ll wait for you here,” you continue. “But only if you promise you’ll come back.” 

You finally meet his eyes, staring at you intently. He was wearing his favorite white jacket, an oversized shirt, and pants. He was all ready. It made you sick how he did it all while you were sleeping soundly. He was to leave you. Did he fuck you because of this? 

He stands up from his seat, walks over to you, and shortens the distance between you. He was inches away from you, pushing your hair to the back of your ear. 

“I promise,” he answers.

You nod with a hard stare. “I won’t join any more games if I don’t have to and if you don’t come back, I’ll leave and start looking for the others. Deal?” You ask him, brows raising.

He was quiet for a few seconds as if he was contemplating an answer or if there was something else behind your words. But he answers anyway. “Deal.”

When you were content, you sat back down on the bed. “You haven’t eaten,” Chishiya observes as he stares at the untouched food beside you. “Not in the mood,” you reply blankly. 

He hums, unconvinced by your answer. He sits down beside you on the bed. “Is this because of last night?” He asks you. So now he brings up what happened?

“No,” you lied through your teeth, aware that you were convincing no one but yourself. His kisses and now sex. Was this just how Chishiya did it? Just hook up and then go on as if nothing happened? Maybe that worked for any random person he did it with but he couldn’t do that to you. Not you. 

He sighs, putting his hands in his pockets. He most likely knows that you were lying. “I didn’t have any motive if that’s what you’re thinking.” He takes a glance at you while he says that then looks in the other direction again. 

“It’s hard to be sure with you,” you reply with a straight face but it comes out sadder than you intended.

He doesn’t answer for a moment, thinking. “I know,” he says. “I know.” His voice equals your saddened tone. 

“Can’t we just be sure? I need you to be sure about me.” Chasing him around, you didn’t get tired of that. You always expected to get nothing in return. You thought that if you do someday get a reaction from him, you’d be content but unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. Him reciprocating your feelings without actually confirming anything, it hurts more than anything. 

He doesn’t answer and tears well up in your eyes. You hold out your hand, the back of it touching your thighs. “This is hard for me too, you know?” You are your mother’s daughter, you realized. Loving a man that doesn’t even want you. You liked to think that Chishiya isn’t like your father but who knows? It’s hard for you to love too. But you’re trying. It just so happened that your heart chose him. It’s unfortunate but you’re hopeful. 

“I know,” he answers the same thing. 

“You know an awful lot of things,” you snort. 

“I do,” he replies quickly.

You turn your head away from him even if you weren’t previously looking at him to express your aggravation. You don’t say anything else, sitting with him in silence and letting your anger marinate into something else.

“I do know a lot of things,” he continues a little later than a conversation should. “I know everything about you. More than anyone else I know. Your every habit. Your every favorite thing. Your thoughts. Your likes. Your dislikes. I know all of them. It’s not because I’m simply smart. I wouldn’t remember if it’s anyone else.”

A hand on your chin gently moves your face towards him, making you come face to face with him, faces only inches away from each other. His eyes were sparkling in the most expressive way they could be, boring into yours with a purpose.

“I know,” he says again. “I know because it’s you.”

A tear falls from your eye. Then from the other. Then another. Then another until they fall like waterfalls. He captures your lips into a kiss while holding your face, wiping your tears away with his thumbs.

“Stop crying,” he whispers when he pulls away. “You look ugly when you cry.” But like a child, you cry harder, hands covering your face. Chishiya chuckles, pulling your hands away from your face and you let him. 

You wrap your arms around him. Words were still unsaid between the two of you, those three words that hang around your heart for years. You wanted to say them in case you don’t see each other again but you were scared. Why? You don’t even know.

“I—“ you stutter. “I have something to say to you when you come back.” He hums again and you feel the vibration of his throat in your touching bodies. 

“So come back, okay?” You sniff.  Chishiya exhales, bringing a hand on your back to tap it two times. “I will,” he promises again. “But don’t go out. Just wait for me. I’ll come back.” 

What else were to do but trust him? 

Chishiya didn’t come back. 

The King of Diamonds blimp had fallen but there was no sight of the white-haired man. Agitated and feeling your body waste away inside the waste of a room he left you in, you worry for your acquaintance. Has he really lost the game? 

No, impossible. It can’t be, right? This is Chishiya we’re talking about. Will he really lose a game—a diamond game out of all suits? This is unfair. You’ve kept your promise. You didn’t join any games and thankfully, there wasn’t any sign of the King of Spades. So why isn’t he back yet?

Your mind goes back and forth. Will you look for him and go outside or will you stay here, patiently waiting for him to come back? If you do go out, you’re breaking his promise and your trust in him but if you don’t go out, you think you’ll go insane out of worry. And what if the worst thing has already happened? Will you just waste away here in this room?

You decided that you won’t wait for him anymore. 

Going outside, you mindlessly walk the streets of London without any destination, occasionally stopping by some places where you can loot some supplies and avoiding any people that come into view if you don’t know them. 

As you are nearing Shibuya, an alarming sound pierces your ears.

Gunshot? But that’s just one. If it were the King of Spades, it should be much louder and followed by more running and bullets. You were near the main roads so maybe more people are there?

What if it’s Chishiya? or Arisu? Usagi? Anyone at this point. Just so you weren’t alone. You groan. You won’t allow yourself to be seen. If it’s no one you know, you can just walk away and run in another direction. 

After you’ve decided, you begin to stealthily walk in the direction of the fire. As you hide from car to car, more gunshots come followed by a little bit of shouting. There were arguments, maybe. Really? In the middle of having only two games left? Are they really going to kill themselves when we’re so near our goal? Sighing, you pick up your handgun and prepare to use it.  

Then it was quiet again as you neared Shibuya crossing. You were maybe two or three blocks away. Who could they be? You hope it’s not anyone you know. Wait, is that? 

That shaggy hair and lanky tall build. That’s Arisu holding a shotgun. And who’s that on top of a car wrapped up like an onigiri—oh. That’s fucking Niragi. He’s aiming at someone. If Arisu is here then that means? Your eyes trail to where the gun is pointed and you spot the short-haired girl in a red athletic tank top. Your eyes watered in shock and happiness. You finally found them. 

However, that bastard Niragi is just a pain in the ass until the end, isn’t he? That fucking asshole. Speeding up your pace, you raise your gun without being heard. Your eyes were focused on Niragi and how his finger is on the trigger. He’s gonna shoot. You’re gonna have to do it fir—.

Bang! Bang! Bang!

It was his shot that rang first. Then yours. Then Arisu’s that sent him flying off the car. Aware of another shot that wasn’t coming from him but his back, Arisu turns around hastily with his gun pointed at you. You immediately raise your hands, showing your defenselessness in order for him to stand down his guard.

His eyes immediately softened when they saw you, putting down his gun and exclaiming your name in relief. “Y/N!”

You run towards him and pat his shoulder before screaming Usagi’s name and running in her direction.But when your eyes shift to where she was, Usagi was still on the floor, and in front of her was… what? Where did he come from? Why are there blood stains on his white jacket? In two different areas, too? What? No. What’s going on? 

“Chishiya!” Usagi’s scream was piercing as his body falls on the road. Arisu goes over to them and Usagi presses a hand on his wound in order to control the bleeding. “Why?!”

You, however, stood frozen in place, just a few steps away from the three. Usagi began asking him why he saved her. It was indeed odd. Even you know that it’s out of character for him. You’d never thought you’d see the day that Chishiya would take a bullet for someone. He always argued that if a person could take a bullet for someone, they would have enough time to move away from the shot. 

Whatever they were talking about, you tune out. You couldn’t hear anything. You feel like your brain shut down and all you could feel inside your body is raging fire. Your heart has stopped taking in anything, overflowing with exuding unexplainable emotion. 

You had shut down.

“I wanted to do something that was a bit out of character.” Chishiya chuckles as he sputters out the words behind the pain. He sighs. “I know it’s thanks to Y/N and the people I met here. Like Kuzuryu. Arisu, too.”

Usagi and Arisu were worried and Arisu even took a glance at you, wanting to check on you as you stared down at Chishiya with a lifeless expression. There were no tears in your eyes, only an unmatchable coldness burning them. No emotions. Your shoulders were relaxed and the lids of your eyes looked as if they were too heavy to keep open.

However, he focuses back on the man dying in front of him. “Hey. What were you gonna say before?!” He asks, pertaining to a few minutes before Niragi went and interrupted them.

Chishiya takes his time to take a breather before answering. “Honest people always seemed pretty stupid to me. I always loved messing with people who try too hard at life. I hated selflessness.” He pauses to breathe again, his voice raspier as his eyes stare up at the sky. “It’s probably because I was jealous. They all had something I was missing.”

He stares at Arisu for a second before looking straight ahead again. “It was like they could always see what a pathetic and small-minded person I really was.” Then his head turns to you who wasn’t even looking at him. You were gone inside yourself. “I was always afraid.” That I wouldn’t be enough for her too, is what he thought as he saw you. 

“I understand you,” Arisu responds, genuinely with a nod. He doesn’t say it just because the man lying down on the ground is in a critical condition. He does understand what he’s saying and what he means. “I thought you would,” Chishiya replies with a bittersweet tone. 

Usagi and Arisu look down at Chishiya with pity and understanding. They were betrayed by this man. He used and manipulated them in his favor. He had hurt Y/N a lot. But this man… is just a flawed human being. While that doesn’t excuse his actions, they do understand him a little bit better. They wished that somehow and one day, he can change and be a better man. 

Usagi looks up at the woman standing quietly in front of them, her eyes widening at her lifeless state. “Y/N?” Arisu follows Usagi’s eyes and hurries to his feet, about to check on their friend who looked terribly off. They’d never seen her like this before. Hell, Chishiya has never seen her like this before.

“I guess hunting rifles aren’t as deadly as you thought.” Grunting at hearing the voice of his enemy, Arisu rushes to where he fell, ready to shoot him once again if he makes a wrong move. However, a hand on his chest stops him and he looks at the person with wide eyes. 

Your eyes were still lifeless and blank. You didn’t even look at him, staring at Niragi’s body who was sprawled on the cement road next to the car. He was still laughing, his breathing uneven with all his injuries and shots. 

“Whatever you do, don’t make me out to be the villain.” The man was dying, it was clear to anyone. But you didn’t seem convinced. “If there were seven billion of me, you guys would all be villains too. You’re pretty lucky you know. You guys are the majority.” 

Arisu lowered his gun, knowing that the man had forfeited. His bloodied burnt face and the bullets in his body are enough for him to not be able to move. However, as Arisu looked at you, you didn’t look like you cared. “Y/N!” He couldn’t do anything but scream your name as you rush to Niragi, kicking his body, and sending him rolling on the ground. 

Niragi coughs out blood. Plenty of it. He doesn’t even try to move or run. He couldn’t possibly do it. He was too weak and injured. You pick up the man by his hair, lifting his body off the ground. With blaring eyes, you throw a powerful punch across his face. His body falls to the ground again. 

“What’s your pr—,” he tries to ask but you weren’t hearing anything. You pick him up by his hair again. But this time, you punch the other side of his jaw. He falls to the ground again and sputters out blood, spitting crimson red and a tooth.

Arisu and Usagi were too stunned to move or speak. You were merciless as you beat up Niragi, punching him multiple times and kicking his wounds repeatedly as Niragi cries out in pain. You weren’t hearing any of his protests. You were completely out of it. Arisu could see that something was wrong. He has never seen you like this before.

From the ground, Chishiya looks up at Usagi who was still pressing down his gun wound. “She’ll kill him,” he tells her, implying that the pair should stop you.

It’s not that he didn’t want Niragi to die. He wasn’t the judge of that, he learned. He also didn’t say that Niragi doesn’t deserve to be beaten by you. He most understandably deserved it. However, he knows that if you killed him, it'll leave a mark on you. You were a fighter but never a killer. 

Usagi and Arisu pull you away from a curled up on the floor Niragi despite your protests and attempts to pull yourself free from their holding. You began screaming, grunting, and raging like a bull. 

“Y/N! Get a hold of yourself! Please!” 

Usagi pleads as she holds your arm tightly. Arisu holds your other one as they both struggle to pull you back. 

“YN, stop!” It was Arisu who screams, having a much more difficult time than Usagi.

As the pair is still trying to hold you back, the familiar sound of rumbling puts them to a halt, frozen over what they know follows. This puts an urgency on Usagi, pushing Arisu from you and moving in front of you. She stops you by holding both of your shoulders in place, planting all her weight on the ground. 

“Y/N!” 

“Y/N!” 

Usagi was in front of you, in distress as she squeezes your shoulders. She was holding on to you with maximum effort, her feet gripping the ground tightly and the force on your shoulders was vehement. Your face relaxes, releasing the tension that was once on it. 

“U-Usagi?”

What was happening? Why is Usagi on the verge of tears? Why can’t you remember anything? Your knuckles are clenched and wet? You look down, seeing the blood and bruises forming on it. What’s the last thing you remember? 

You feel Usagi’s hold loosen as you think. 

You try to retrace your steps. You heard gunshots. You followed them. It was at the Shibuya crossing. You saw Arisu. Then Niragi. Then Usagi. Niragi was about to shoot Usagi. But Chishiya was shot instead. 

Chishiya was shot. Fatally. 

Your face morphs into a horrified one as you remember. You look up, finally processing what has happened and what was happening. The rumbling sound followed by a whistle indicated a blimp was near. Chishiya was shot and the King of Spades was about to come. 

Snapping out of it, you turn around and run to where you know Chishiya is. Dropping to your knees beside him, tears began to sting your eyes as you try to press your bruised hand on his wounds.

He was fatal. There were two shots, one below the rib and another on the chest. You know you can’t carry him away to a safe shelter. He was too exhausted and he was losing too much blood. And you have to run now, quickly. 

With your touch, Chishiya’s eyes open again but with struggle. He looks up at your face that had worry and devastation written all over it. 

“H-hey,” he greets you with a corner of his lips curled up. He could barely keep his eyes open.

You broke into a sob, tears flowing down your cheek as you stared at the bloody mess in front of you. “Shuntarou. T-tell me what to do. Please. We can stop the blood. I can carry you to the nearest drugsto—“

He shakes his head, not even listening to your cries in an attempt to help him. “I-No. The jacket. I’m sorry.” 

Your brows furrowed as you scrunch your forehead in confusion. “What?” 

A hand lifts to the blood on his jacket. Was he trying to say sorry about ruining his goddamn jacket?

“Are you fucking serious? That doesn’t matter right now!” You scold him, fist slamming the concrete below you.

The man dying in front of you had the audacity to smirk in his condition. “T-the plant too.” 

Your mouth drops open at his words, momentarily halting your sobs as tears continue to fall from your eyes. The plant? Could it be? 

That’s when you realize that this man bleeding in front of you, unmoving and on the verge of death, is the same man who you met when you were a kid. This is the same man who would ignore you endlessly. This is the same man who pushed you away. 

But this man… has always cared about you. 

You wondered why he hadn’t gotten rid of it all this time. Back at the beach, you saw him wearing it. He had taken it off only one time—when you chose Usagi and Arisu over him. Then he mysteriously has it again when the games started. Had he always cared this much over that damn Nike jacket? Because of you?

You were about to speak again but a loud scream from afar interrupts you, indicating that the King of Spades is near. 

“We have to go!” Arisu screams and runs to you and Chishiya. “We’ll hide them under the cars,” he says and you nod, wiping away your tears. 

Arisu, Usagi, and you dragged Niragi and Chishiya behind the cars. However, you know that wouldn’t do much. But you have to run or be shot to death by the King of Spades right here with them. 

“Come on!” Arisu beckons as he drops Niragi beside the car. You were still beside Chishiya, kneeling beside him and looking at him breathing and alive despite his exhausted and lifeless eyes. You place your hand on top of his and hold it, gripping it so tightly that your knuckles turn white.

You look at Arisu and then back at Chishiya, thinking about what could be the stupidest decision in your life. From the look on your face, Arisu begins to understand what you were thinking. 

“Y/N, we need you.” Arisu pleads with you. You both know that if it ever comes down to taking down the King of Spades, three is better than one. Especially with your combat skills. 

However, you stay on your ground, eyes focused on Chishiya who was now looking at you with confused eyes. “I want to be next to him. If I die, it’ll be next to him.” 

Arisu and Usagi look at each other as if they’re communicating with their eyes. 

Chishiya turns his head, looking away from your focused stare. “Just go,” he tells you, his hand that was in your hold pushes yours away. 

You shake your head in protest. “No.”

The shouts got a lot clearer and the gunshots were louder. The King of Spades is nearing and you were giving Arisu and Usagi no chance to convince you to come with them. But you’re choosing Chishiya this time. As you always had. 

Arisu places a hand on your shoulder and you finally look up at him with tears in your eyes. You give him one last nod and he gives you a stare and nods back. It wasn’t a look of pity but a look of worry and respect. This might be the last time you’ll see him and Usagi. Not all of you might actually survive this time. 

“Be safe, Y/N.” Usagi crouches beside you to hug you.

You nod, patting her back. “Go. Now.” Usagi gives you one last look of determination and stands up in sharpness when you hear the screams and guns fired again. 

And so you watch as Usagi and Arisu scramble away from you. 

You finally plop yourself beside Chishiya, head down low in silence at the realization of what you’ve done. You don’t breathe or make a sound, only staying by his side as the shooting and running take place behind you. 

Minutes passed by and there were still people screaming and being shot but a further distance. You were frozen there, not doing anything but sitting while everyone you meet here is dying. 

Chishiya is breathing slowly but he’s alive. You can feel him looking at you in your peripheral vision but you don’t look back. 

“Is this really what you want?” His voice was weak and soft, unlike the Chishiya you used to know. You don’t answer him, only staring ahead at the ruined buildings of Shibuya. 

You remember walking here like it’s a chore. You remember seeing these streets alive with diverse people. Workers, students, tourists, and residents. It was a busy street. Now, what used to be a place that was never empty and filled with people, is littered with dead bodies. 

“Y/N,” Chishiya continues in a warning tone, trying to catch your attention as your mind is drifting away. 

You shake your head, headstrong on your decision. “No, I’m not leaving you.” 

He sighs. “You’re so stubborn.”

You raise a brow, glaring at him. “And you’re fucking stupid. Look at where you’re shot.” 

Why is it that the moment he turns things around he has to be in the line of fire?

He chuckles breathily, staring down at his wounds with raised brows. You frown when he literally does what he’s told. How can he be so sarcastic when he’s dying?

“What does my doctor think?” Chishiya raises a brow at you. You huff, looking away in annoyance. 

“That you should shut up,” you snap. “Can you sit up? Let’s at least try to control the bleeding.” 

“It’s no use.” You both know he’s right. Still, you’re not one to give up. You try to pull his arm but he winces, making you let go as you’ve accidentally touched a hot stove. You sigh, no choice but to sit in silence again.

It’s kind of odd how the King of Spades didn’t reach you behind the cars. The gunshots seem to have gone further away. Perhaps most players have decided to end the King of Spades now with Shibuya as his first and final arena. You thought about Banda and Yaba, were they in Shibuya too?

A cough pushes you out of your thoughts. You turn your head to your right and once again, your blood boils when your eyes meet Niragi’s who was barely leaning in front of a car. Sometimes, you really hate Arisu’s moral compass. He should’ve left Niragi for dead in the middle of the street for him to be shot dead and sure.

“What?” You spat. 

He doesn’t even have the energy to answer. His face was all bloodied, having been beaten up. His burns haven’t been healing properly and he was shot twice by you and Arisu. He was in a more critical stage than Chishiya. You hope that he'll die soon. 

Well, maybe not. 

“Don’t die,” you tell the deranged man. 

The corner of his blooded mouth curls up in the tiniest bit and you continue with a soulless voice. “Don’t die and let’s go back to the real world. When we’re back, just wait. I’ll find you and make you suffer so that you’ll wish you never lived and died here. I can atone for my sins in hell but you… I won’t let you. I want to be the one to punish you.” 

You know a million thoughts are running through his head. He may be wanting to curse you or taunt you, or in the slightest of chance, regret all of what he’s done here. It doesn’t matter anyway. He was too injured to move his mouth.

You turn your back to him and face Chishiya again. He was staring at you with amused eyes, probably shocked at your cruel words for his enemy. 

“What? I promised.” You defend yourself. “To protect you.”

“Why?” 

“You know why,” you argue, brows furrowing.

If Chishiya isn’t answering because of his injury or simply because he didn’t have anything to say, you weren’t sure. You do know, however, that there is one thing weighing on your mind. There was no time to ask but now.

You open your mouth to speak and close it again, hesitating a little before finally speaking. 

“Why didn’t you come back?” Your voice cracked. “I waited for you and watched the blimp crash. You didn’t come back.” 

He stays silent for a moment, not even staring at you. His face looks troubled. It almost looks like he’s on the verge of crying. You’ve never seen him look like this. What exactly happened in his game?

“I—“ He finally answers, stuttering as if he’s unsure. “I don’t know.” 

“You told me you will,” you bark. Were you angry? Maybe a little. Nobody wanted what happened to him to happen. It wasn’t his fault. Yet, you couldn’t not feel angry. If he just came back to you, would this have happened? 

Sometimes, you wish you could get inside Chishiya’s mind just once. Just so you could be sure of what he thinks of you—of where you stand in his life. 

“I know.” He chuckled bitterly. “And you told me you wanted to face the King of Spades.” 

“Then I guess our words never really meant anything to each other.” 

“So? Are you really going to stay here until they clear all the games?” 

“Yes.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“How is this ridiculous, Chishiya? You know how much I—“

“I know,” he pauses. “I know.” 

“Why won’t you let me tell you that I lo—“

“Not here. Not now.”

“What if we never get the chance again? Say I do go out there and join them? What if I die?”

“Walk it off. Win the game and crawl. Then say it.” He presses on every word harshly. You frown, upset that he was pushing you away this way. 

What now? He really wants you to leave him, huh?

“Listen, Y/N. I’m okay. I won’t be able to join the last game but I can stay here and be alive until it’s been cleared. You can go. I’ll wait for you here.”

You close your eyes, sighing as you rest your elbows on your folded knees. You place your head on your hands, frustrated. 

Of course, you wanted to help Arisu and the others. You weren’t selfish. You wanted to help with the King of Spades. But Chishiya is always your dealbreaker. He’s always the priority for you. 

The sooner the King of Spades is cleared, the sooner the Queen of Hearts could be entered. If you go now, maybe you can still find and help Arisu and Usagi. You sigh. It’s been a while since they left and the sound of gunshots and crashes has dwindled into a few now. Where will you find them?

“Shuntarou.” 

Your tone was serious, venom dripping from your voice. Your head was still on your hands, covering your face. 

“If I don’t make it—if I don’t make my way back to you, you’ll go back to the real world and try. Live better. I don’t know how you’ll do it.” As you ask the question, you turn your face to him. “Just try, okay?” 

You don’t wait for him to answer, taking his face in your hands and smashing your lips against his. He kisses back almost immediately, taking a hand and placing it over your hair. 

You pull away earlier than you wanted to, still holding his face. His eyes softened, half-lidded as they realize what was happening even if he was the one that pushed it. 

“I’m gonna go.”

You rise to your feet, crouching. As you turn to leave, Chishiya’s hand tugs your hand back to him. Your eyes widened as your lips met his once again. This time, it was softer and moist, and you realize that it was because tears began falling from your eyes and had saltied your kisses. The softness of his kiss contradicted the harsh truth of the situation while the intensity of it matched it quite perfectly.  His insistent mouth was parting your lips, palm now back at the back of your head, pressing you further to his face. He groaned softly, low in his throat and you felt it against your mouth. You chuckle against his lips, finding the irony in the situation. 

“I promise,” he says when you two finally part. 

Determined, you gave him a smile and a nod. 

“Go.” His voice was hoarse from both his injuries and the kiss. 

Then you turn around again, taking one last glance at your man before running off in the direction of where the King of Spades went. 

Ruins welcomed you as you walked further, finally putting a visual to the people you heard were being shot as you hid with Chishiya. Against your will, you take a look at each and one of them, crouching and hiding once in a while and hoping that one of them wasn’t people you know. 

You hear multiple gunshots from what looked like it came from an alley. Hastily, you run in that direction. 

As you get nearer, you hear the familiar voices. However, they weren’t speaking, they were screaming in agony. 

You readied your gun, cocking it, and stealthily walked into the alley. Usagi was shouting in pain. Kuina too. You walk faster, the lightest you could possibly go knowing that the King of Spades may know you’re coming. 

You lean on the wall as you reach a turning point, slowly peeking further into the alley where you’re sure that’s where they are. 

It was An you see first.

Her unmoving body sprawled out on the floor, her white shirt covered with blood. Next to her, was a crying Kuina, bleeding from what looked like multiple stab wounds. 

Usagi was on the King of Spades’ back, trying her best to choke him but he brought out a knife, plunging it into her knees multiple times. They were moving too often and you cursed to yourself because you were not a great shot. 

It was Usagi’s screams of pain that put you in overwhelming urgency. You take a deep breath, aim, and shoot.

Bang!

You press the trigger at the same time as the King of Spades throws Usagi from his back and onto the ground. You keep on shooting, revealing yourself from your hiding place at the edge of the alley and marching to him. 

The bullets hit and some don’t, having been avoided by the skilled man. A veteran. Or maybe someone like Aguni. You can see his face unlike before and there were no longer multiple pieces of armor adorning his body. 

He heads on straight to you and before he reaches you, you throw the gun far behind him. He only has a knife and you can’t risk him having a gun. It has to be this way for you to beat him. 

You hear Kuina or Usagi mumbling your name as they realize that you were here.

Your opponent lunges at you with his blade and you run to tackle him, putting both your fists forward. As he swings his fist holding the knife, you misdirect him with what supposedly looked like a tackle and swiftly shift to the right and smack his face with your right fist while holding his left arm with your left. The impact makes him stumble to his right and you jump, kicking his waist with both feet to make him lose his balance entirely.

He didn’t. It didn’t work.

He stayed standing on the ground like a statue, putting all his weight on his feet. This made you clench your legs to his body to steady your hold on the arm with the knife. 

He uses the opportunity to grab your leg and keep it there. You repeatedly slam his head with your fists while he, like a bull, runs and slams your back to the nearest wall. You grunt in pain, your other leg that he wasn’t holding falling and you use that leg’s foot and slam it against the wall so you won’t be pressed further. 

You put all your strength into preventing him from using the blade and take the pressure of you against the wall to steady yourself. You smash your fist on his eyes repeatedly and repeatedly until his head is thrown back. 

He growls. The hold that was on your leg tightens enough to hurt the muscle and you scream in pain while still slamming your fists into his face. The pressure of his hold was enough for him to lift you again and then throw your body on the ground. 

You were quick to go back on your feet and he was already lunging at you but you spin, unsheathing the Katana on your back and pointing it at him. You put yourself in the traditional Kendo stance with both your hands on the grip, left foot behind the right, and hips straightforward. 

This makes him step back enough but still hold the knife in his hands with conviction, ready to attack or counter at any given moment. 

To be honest, you’re never very well versed in playing around with swords but… you’ve been carrying it around all this time, won’t it be a waste to not use it?

You attack first, swinging the sword which he blocks with his small blade. You swing to the other side and he blocks that again. 

You back away again and thrust forward which he avoids by jumping to his right. He rushes with his knife and knowing you can’t block it with your long blade, you bend backward and go under his arm. Successfully, you avoid his attack then spin and turn to face him again, slashing your sword onto his back, creating a huge gash on his shirt, his bulletproof vest, and his skin. 

Your eyes are wide as blood drips from your blade. 

Wow, these things are really sharp, you think. 

You attack again as he turns around, swinging the blade again and he backs away to the wall to avoid it. 

You expected him to dodge but he didn’t. What he did catches you off guard as he quite literally holds the blade of your sword in hand and not minding as the skin on his palm is sliced open. Brows furrowed and eyes blazed, he holds the sword in place and then uses the blade in his other hand to stab you in the stomach.

The blade pierces your skin in one swift motion and your jaw drops, not even having the chance to scream in pain. He stabs you again. And again. And again. Harder and deeper at every thrust.

You grip the hand with the knife, pushing all your strength into both hands. He was so strong that you could barely keep his hand away from your stomach. You wanted to slam his hand on the wall but he was far too strong like a rock. 

Tears well up in your eyes. You still have to go back to Chishiya. 

But this was starting to look like a losing game. 

From your peripheral, you see Aguni crawling in the direction of where you threw your gun. So he was still alive. Even if you lose, he can win. And where was Arisu? You doubt he left Usagi alone.

And then it hits you.

They have a plan.

You scream and push with all your might, overpowering the King of Spades’ hand and slamming the knife against the wall. You slam your head from under his chin while repeatedly slamming his fist against the wall until his grip on the knife loosens.

However, him losing the blade causes his hand to be free from anything and he uses it to overpower you again, slamming his fist against your face in one big punch. His fist was heavy and his punch was nothing like you ever received before. It caused your head to throb and everything felt blurry for a few seconds.

You realized that you were thrown on the ground from the impact and your sword was no longer in your hand. Your vision was still a bit fuzzy as you see him holding the sword but then hear it hit the ground from far away. 

Seeing from your eyes opening and closing out of consciousness, his silhouette was picking something up and then he was on top of you. 

Why can’t you move? Everything feels so strange. Will you really lose this time? 

You felt a weight on your torso and a black figure hovering over you. He raises his fist, slamming it across your jaw. Fuck. Was that fucking personal? 

Your hand shoots up to stop the King of Spades’ other hand from stabbing you again. You don’t know when you’ve reached for your hunting knife strapped to your leg but you somehow did and plunged it right into his side and drew it back.

His free hand that punched you gripped your hand hard, slamming it on the cemented ground. You grunt, tears forming in your eyes as you try and get out of his hold or under him. 

You push yourself up as he keeps on pressing you down to the ground. You wrap your legs around him and scream with all your might to turn yourself, putting all your weight on him and turning him over. 

His wounded back slams on the ground and you stare at his deadly eyes, seeing the hatred and the urge to kill in his eyes. It scared you, to be honest. You’ve encountered lots of fighters. Strong, weak, arrogant, psychopaths, assholes, whatever they are, they always got a reason to fight no matter how pathetic it may be. 

This man right here, he has a reason too. And from the looks of it, it’s not because he simply wants to win the game. There has to be something like a personal agenda. That made him a lot scarier. 

You’re not stupid. You know you’re not a match for this man.

But if by wounding him a little, you’re helping the others, then you’ll gladly give your life. You just have to go back to Chishiya after. 

Maybe Banda was right after all.

Your eyes catch Aguni who was getting near the gun. You sigh and when you look back down, the King of Spades slams his forehead against yours, knocking you back distracted and he plunges his knife again into you multiple times, blood spurting out of your mouth as he does so.

You could no longer move, the force of the blade wrecking you back and forth, making you fall back on the ground with wide eyes. You even hear Usagi crying for you.

The King of Spades doesn’t stop assaulting you when you fall on the ground because you don’t stop fighting back. You scream and scream, kicking him repeatedly however you can. He pulls one of your legs and stabs the knife in your thigh, specifically where your previous gun wound is. This made you stop fighting, wailing in pain but you catch yourself quickly, stabbing the knife in your hand on his foot and on his leg. He kicks your knife out of your hand and steps on your palm. You scream as you hear and feel your bones break. He doesn’t stop, kicking your stomach and letting your bleeding out pace faster. 

Eventually, you become unresponsive to his hits, having everything feel numb that you can’t move. Your hand was broken, there were about ten stab wounds on your body, and your leg was wrecked. 

You didn’t realize you ended up beside Usagi who was holding out her hand to you while barely conscious. 

You hear two gunshots and you don’t even know if that is Aguni or the King of Spades. 

You were crying, face wet with blood, sweat, and tears. You have to get back to him. You have to tell him. 

“Usagi… help me. Chishiya,” you plead with a hoarse voice. “H-have to go back.” 

And then everything turned black.

Arisu screams Usagi’s name as she falls on the ground with you, her injured legs and the weight of you was too much to support. Usagi could no longer scream for the pain and you were completely out of it. 

You were crying, face wet with tears. The sight was breaking Arisu’s heart. The two girls who saved him when he was dying inside himself—those two girls who always seemed strong, who always saved him, he was watching as you both crumbled on the ground, beaten up, and weakened. 

He picked up Usagi first, seeing as she was the one still conscious or at least in the right mind to talk to him. He cradled her face in his hands, tapping it as she was being pulled and pushed from consciousness.

“Arisu…” It was barely a whisper, slipping past her dry lips. She calls for him, forehead scrunched as she tries to tell him something more but her body fails her. Arisu could only make out your name. 

He looks over at you, sprawled out on the ground and bleeding from multiple stab wounds on your body. You were hysteric and sobbing, trying to crawl the ground and away from them as he heard that the registration for the Queen of Hearts game was starting. It was obvious what you were trying to do. 

He doesn’t know whether to pity or admire your love for Chishiya. 

Helping Usagi up, he let her stand on her own for a few seconds before reaching over to you and picking you up, hooking your arm over his shoulders and his hands on your back and under your thighs. 

You groaned in pain at Arisu’s sudden hold, tears pouring down your face as Arisu’s shirt is soaked with your blood. Once he stabled his footing, he let Usagi hold his arm for guidance as she struggled to walk with her injured knees. 

The two of them walk in the direction of the Queen of Hearts game with you in his arms. Thankfully, Chishiya was on the way to the game. 

It was like a death march. Arisu seemed to be the only man standing to enter the game. If it was up to him, he’d rather join the game alone. But from the determination on Usagi’s face, it seemed that she wouldn’t have that at all.

He only wished that no one has to die any more after the last game. He wishes to finish the game as fast as possible, hoping that he could save everyone who tried their best so far and are still trying to keep alive. You, Aguni, Kuina, Chishiya, An, Heiya, and everyone who was still breathing here in Tokyo. No one should die anymore. 

“Shun…” It doesn’t even seem like you were still conscious anymore. He doesn’t know if you know he’s carrying you to him. It’s like you’re only dreaming of him. 

“It’s okay, we’re near Chishiya. Hang on, Y/N. Just hang on.” Arisu assures you but as he says this, your eyes finally shut close and your body goes limp against his hold.

As that rusted car came into view, Usagi and Arisu went quiet, dreading the news that they were about to deliver to the white-haired man. 

They pass the trunk of the car, catching the attention of the injured man in the bloodied white jacket leaning on the car door. He turns his head, spotting Arisu first and then the person he was holding. There you are, eyes closed, beaten, and bloodied. 

The hand resting on his lap drops to his side and he tries his best to sit up straight. Usagi lets go of Arisu’s arm and lean on the car’s trunk. Arisu carefully placed your body next to his. 

Whatever Chishiya was feeling was incomprehensible as he stared at your color-drained face.

Arisu couldn’t even say anything to the man. He wanted to say sorry but what would that do? He wanted to tell him why he brought you here but he’s sure he already knows the answer. What he could do, however, is to finish the last game quickly. 

Chishiya didn’t even notice as Arisu and Usagi left, still looking at you, breathing slowly and watching as your chest would barely rise and fall. 

He always liked being right. It gave him a sense of security that he was doing things well. You were the only thing that never made him feel secure as you were always pushing yourself into danger. He knew from the moment he saw him that the King of Spades was far too strong for you. When he said to you that you were no match for the King of Spades, he wasn’t lying. 

And yet when he pushed you to fight the King of Spades, he also believed in you. 

He could only wish as the blimp crashed that you were still alive. 

And here you are, lying beside him… and he is so proud of you.

He never understood why you liked fighting. He didn’t understand what rush you were feeling from blood and sweat. But you’d never understand how his intelligence excited him either. He guesses that you two were both different and the same that way. 

Ever since he figured out that you went underground, he’d secretly sneak into every one of your fights. There were times when an opponent with an established name in the underground would come and challenge you. When those assholes of an audience would turn their back on you and bet against you even when they know what you’re capable of, he would still bet your name. Those were the only times in his life that he allowed himself to not be critical. 

You never lost once. 

He was kind of hoping that it’d happen one more time. But you did win. The King of Spades went down, didn’t they? But why does it feel like Chishiya lost instead?

“Focus.” Chishiya pushed the book you’ve pushed away in front of you. You glared at him and put down your phone.

He easily snatches the phone from the table and put it in his pocket. “Read,” he commands, eyeing the book the professor assigned for reading. 

“But it isn’t due next week,” you mumbled angrily as you leaned your head on your palm while looking down at the book’s pages. Chishiya hears this but ignores you, all too familiar with your whining.

You began reading as he wished but after five minutes of learning about anatomy, your brain starts flying away from you and your eyes start to get droopy. Your head starts getting heavy and soon starts slipping from your palm.

Chishiya sighs and without even looking up from his book, he uses the end of his pen to push your forehead up.

“Ahh,” you groan as he forbids you to fall asleep inside the library again. How could you not? It was very cozy, cold, and quiet.

“If you’re not going to study just go home.” 

He knows you don’t want to go home, finding nothing but an empty house there. You’ll definitely stay.

“But it’s boring.” You whine in a whisper. 

He sighs, still not looking at you. “Not my problem.”

This time, it was your turn to sigh. “Why do you even want to be a doctor? And don’t give me that to save lives bullshit, Shun. We both know you’re lying.” 

He shrugs. “Just because.” 

“Because?” You press further. 

He finally looks at you with a glare and repeats. “Just because.”

“Because your father was one?” You ask, tilting your head. 

It was the reason. There wasn’t a particular humane reason why. He just wanted to see what was so great about it—saving lives. He had more than enough intelligence to do it and it was the same thing his father devoted his life to, so why not?

“Do you not have a reason?” You ask again, this time more seriously. He doesn’t answer this time. 

You smiled, looking at your book now. “I think I’m too weak to be a doctor,” you admit, lips twitching. 

“I mean, I’m physically strong but mentally, I don’t think I have it. But you, I think you’ll be a great doctor, Shuntarou. You’ll save a lot of lives and help a lot of people.”

You used to have so much hope in him. You still do. But whatever slight confidence he had in himself that he’ll understand and care for people once he becomes a doctor, he lost it when he actually started to practice medicine. It wasn’t all about saving lives. It was a profession driven by greed and power. 

He thought that he could just ignore it. That if he just focused on his job, he won’t be included in their greed. It was pathetic of him to think that. 

A man like him who came from his father and followed his father will eventually become his father. 

Ever since realizing that, he didn’t have the guts to face you. Still, you kept on cheering him on, believing he was purely saving lives. You kept on visiting him in the hospital and gave him gifts. You didn’t know he basically killed Hayato and many more people. 

It was just the way it worked for him. To be honest, he envied you. You were living a double life but you were happy with that. You had a breather. He didn’t. 

If you married him, you’d be tied up to a man like your father and his father. You wouldn’t want to live like that. He didn’t want you to live like that. He used to say that you’d just be a burden to him but now he knows that he just wanted better for you.

He wasn’t enough for you. 

He was always afraid that one day, you’ll see how much of a pathetic man he is and pack your bags.

After the King of Diamonds game, he couldn’t escape the heavy feeling on his chest and the boggling of his mind. He didn’t feel well enough to see you. He had to figure out what it all meant. 

And so this happened.

“Chi…”

He wasn’t sure if he was hallucinating because he could barely hear it. But it did come from you. Even in your state, you were still mumbling his name. 

“Y/N?”

He called your name, desperate to hear your voice again. Don’t you have something to say to him? 

“I…” 

“Y/N.” His voice softened. You need to hear his voice to let you know he’s beside you. That way, you can tell him. 

Your face was pale and dried of both sweat and tears, dust and dirt all over it. Chishiya’s jaw clenched, turning his body to yours to face you. He held the gunshot in his chest as it ached when he moved again. 

“Shunta…” 

This time, you say it with a frown and a scrunched forehead, indicating that you were maybe getting a bit of consciousness. 

“I’m here.” 

Chishiya’s expression hardened, brows furrowing as he held your hand tightly. 

“I’m here,” he repeated. He felt a finger twitch against his hold. He held his breath, not blinking as he stared at your face. The few seconds that he was waiting felt a hell lot longer. 

And then you smiled. 

You smiled. 

You smiled and then your face relaxed.

The color drained out of Chishiya’s face as he realized what was happening—what he knows is happening but his mind, letting itself be controlled by emotions for the third time that day, was hoping for a different outcome. 

He hoped you weren’t just hallucinating before your last breath. 

“I…” It was coming from his mouth this time.

“I love you too.”

The skies turned dark and time was a concept that Chishiya lost track of. He was still holding your hand as they turned pale. 

He had his eyes on the Queen of Hearts blimp the whole time, silently wishing that Arisu and Usagi would win the game soon. He had all hopes for him. He knows that Arisu could make it. 

Congratulations.

All of the games have now been cleared. 

The first explosion of the blimp made him realize that he was not breathing well the whole time as if anticipating something. He let out a sigh of relief as the explosion was followed by another and another as fireworks scattered the sky. 

The whole of Tokyo is surrounded by fireworks and he stares at your face illuminated by them. It was done. What now? What makes the two of you?

All surviving players will be presented with two choices. Players must now decide whether to accept permanent residence in this country or decline it. Once again, players must now decide whether to accept permanent residency or decline it. 

What do you know… you do get a choice. 

His hand holding yours tightens. With his other hand, he pushes away the hair that got on your face, ignoring the searing pain from his wounds. 

“We’re gonna have to decline… I think.” 

You have to go back with him. And when you do, he promises to himself that he won’t let anyone hurt the two of you anymore. Not himself, not yourself, not your father nor his father. No one else. 

It will be just the two of you. 

The last thing he remembers is he was on his way to your date. It was the last thing he wanted to do that day. He’d rather work on some patient’s case. But it was his day off and he didn’t really have anything better to do other than work. 

He was walking along Shibuya when something that looked awfully like a meteor passed in the sky. Everyone looked up in awe until they realized that it was coming straight near. 

And then he woke up here on the hospital bed. 

The man beside him had burns all over his body. The side of his face was also burnt, Chishiya assumes as half of his face is also bandaged. He was throwing a coughing fit. 

“What do you want?” The man groans as Chishiya stares at him. 

“It looks to me like you’ve experienced a cardiac arrest,” Chishiya answers, vocalizing his opinion as a doctor. 

“What are you, a doctor?” The stranger asks. 

“Well, I did too.” He answers instead, not really wanting to tell the truth for some reason. The doctor did tell him that his heart stopped for a whole minute when he woke up so it wasn’t really a lie.

“What a coincidence.” 

“So we both almost died.” Chishiya raises both his brows before asking a question that relates to him as well. “You feel any different now?” 

The stranger sighed. “I don’t know. I mean, I look a lot worse. What about you?” 

Chishiya takes his eyes away from the man. “I’ve been thinking a lot about my life, the choices I had to make. Pretty sure I’m gonna be turning my life around.”

With the way he lived his life, he felt like he shouldn’t be one of the people lying here on the hospital beds. There were people much better than him—people that deserved to survive more…people like you.

“Or something like that.” He continues. 

He was alone when the meteor hit. But he was on his way to meet you. He couldn’t help but wonder about you. Were you okay? Were you already in the area when the meteor hit? It was the first time in his life that he actually felt scared for you. He didn’t want you to be one of the casualties of the tragedy.

“You were a piece of shit too, huh? You fucked up?” 

He thought back to his life choices, the way he is as a doctor, as a son, and as a friend to you. He did fuck up. He forgot why he was doing all of these in the first place. Him being here alive, it felt like he was being given another chance. He wanted to be better. To himself and to you.

“I did.”

Niragi scoffs and sighs, halting the conversation and letting the room fall into silence again, only the light vibrating sound of the air conditioner being heard.

Chishiya asked for your name when the nurse came in. There was a lot in need of medical care but she clearly remembered your name. When he saw the familiarity in her eyes, Chishiya knew that there could only be two reasons and one certainty. 

The only certainty was you were definitely here and the reasons being one, your name was well known in the medical community in Japan, and two, you were in a critical condition. Doctors and Nurses at times of tragedies like this often have a hard time remembering their patients’ names unless they’re at the top of the list of people who need immediate help.

“Ms. Y/N L/N. Do you know her?” 

“Yes.” 

Chishiya pauses before continuing. 

“She’s my fiancée.”

The doctor agreed to let Chishiya leave the room but not before realizing who he was. On a wheelchair, Chishiya wheels himself to the ICU where he was told you are. 

He has only seen you a few days before but to him, it felt like there were missing pieces that he can’t seem to figure out. He had never craved to see you like this before. He had to see you. 

Chishiya pushed the wheel to turn with his palms, slowly walking the hallway of the hospital, and observing the other patients he was passing by. 

He stops by a man that catches his eye. His condition looked bad and seemed to be in a coma. He sighs, at least he was lucky with what he got.

Pushing his chair again, Chishiya realizes that one of the wheels is stuck. 

“Fuck,” Chishiya curses, looking down at the wheel while trying to lean his body towards the floor without opening his stitches.

“Something stuck. Here, let me help you.”

Dreadlocks come into Chishiya’s view first as she leans down and grabs something from under his chair. “There we go,” she mumbles and lifts her head, giving him a warm smile. 

Chishiya raises a brow, staring at the woman’s face. Her brows rise and her smile drops in return, slightly bewildered at his ungrateful expression. It wasn’t that he wasn’t thankful. It’s just that her face looked awfully familiar and he couldn’t quite think why. It’s unsettling how he feels this way since the tragedy. 

“Thank you.” He quickly drops his face back to a nonchalant one and thanks her. She rises to her feet, throwing what looked like a small piece of crumpled cardboard in the nearest trash can with ease. 

“Meteor too, huh?” She asks, scratching the back of her head. Chishiya nodded, looking at her from head to toe. It doesn’t seem like she’s in a bad condition seeing as she can still walk with her two feet.

“Yeah, it’s not that bad for me.” She quickly notices what Chishiya meant by his look. “Although they said my heart stopped for like a minute. I’m Kuina, by the way.” 

“Chishiya,” he introduces himself. “They told me my heart stopped too. So did the one I’m sharing my room with.” 

“Huh. That’s weird.” Kuina pursed her lips, crossing her arms. “So, ‘ya know anyone here?”

Chishiya nodded, a bit confused as to why he was keeping a conversation with a complete stranger yet he answers. “Yeah. I’m looking for my fiancée.” 

Kuina evidently pauses, a little shocked by the information. That could only mean that his fiancée is in critical condition if she’s on this floor. She nods and asks. “Do you need help? I can wheel you to them.”

Oddly enough, Chishiya lets her. His new acquaintance pushes his wheelchair slowly as he eyes the names on the doors of the single-bed ICUs. The hospital they were in was quite large and no doubt owned by your father. He’s quite surprised you weren’t transferred to a VIP one yet. Was your condition that bad? 

“Wait.” He stops Kuina as he sees that familiar name on the side of the sliding glass door. 

Y/N L/N

“She’s here.” 

He could see clearly from outside. You were there, on the bed enclosed by protective transparent curtains. A weirder feeling settles on his chest and then he finally feels it. He finally finds what he lost along the way—what he craved to feel again.

Care. Despair. Agony. He finally understands as a tear falls from his eye. 

He loves you.

© wolfvmin. please do not copy, translate, claim any of my works. my works are cross-posted only in ao3 under the name vantantae. thank you.

[imbeingchokeholded]

Getting Clean

I need to be put into jail, stupid Scottish bitch.

Anyway this is probably lowkey just gonna be smut completely lmao.

I promise the soap pun titles will end.

Also so sorry this took so long because my mind is an enigma and writing for either the COD fandom or the RDR2 fandom has been deleted out of my mind.

Lets go lmao

WARNINGS!: female reader because im a woman and soap makes me yell real loud (nothing against him being shipped with male readers or 141, good for him what a king), NSFW, fuckin, im so bad at warnings just know its gonna be fuckin happenin, choking?? Voice kink???? Breeding kink for SURE. Just major NSFW basically porn with negative plot. Like... .5 plot.

Scottish slang/words may be inccorect due to using google, so please lemme know if its wrong, I'll happily fix it.

I am so sorry for spelling mistakes i finished this at like 2am

The mess hall seemed way too empty, everyone was out on missions, covert, recon, whatever, and while there was a shit ton of others there on base, without most of the 141 team it just felt....wrong.

You sigh and look at your food. It's not that it's bad food. In fact, it looks delicious, but sitting alone, at this massive table that usually you shared with Ghost, Gaz, Rudy and Alejandro, as well as Soap, just made you feel...down.

They were easily the people you were closest too on base. Working so closely with them it was only a matter of time before it happened. All of you were close friends, it was rare for any of you to stray from the group and talk to anyone else.

So today, sitting in the mess hall, was no different.

You stare at the food a little longer, and poke it around with your fork, that strange foreign feeling in your chest.

"Aye Lass, lookin' at it like tha' cannaé change how it tastes."

You smile and twist your head to look at Soap as he nears the table, a tray of food of his own in his hands.

"Johnny! I didn't know you were here!" You smile wider as he takes a seat next to you, and chuckle as he takes a bite of food from his tray.

"Ah, I jus' got back from a mission not too long ago, Price is givin' me a wei break."

You nod and smile at him, your heart seems a little lighter now, someone who you're far closer to now with you.

Plus it was Johnny, how could you not be happy around him? He was the obnoxious fun loving one of the group, he could be serious yes, but it was rare. Most days he joked, laughed, spat out witty sarcastic comments at everyone who passed.

You supposed that was part of the reason you'd grown to have such deep feelings for him in the first place.

Of course you'd never tell him that, you were far too nervous to do that.

Handsome, sweet, a deep voice, which had a Scottish accent on top of it? You could listen to him speak about nonsense for the entire day.

Sometimes missions with him were absolute hell.

He did his job, he was a good Sargent, he knew what he was doing, trained properly, getting things done the way they needed to, but his commentary....

That damn voice of his, he didn't even need to be next to you, all he needed was that voice and his stupid little sarcastic quips.

Hell, sometimes it wasn't even in comms.

He'd yell out something simple, that shouldn't have been attractive, yet it was.

Something as simple as "Changing mags!" Could make your face heat up and turn a violent red, hell, he basically growled at the end of the sentence whenever he said it. Being near him was almost like having a bomb strapped to your chest. Threatening to go off at any second.

Everytime he said "Steamin' Jesus" you couldn't help but imagine him using it in a far more intimate senario, with a slight change of tone, and that never failed to send a flood of warmth between your legs.

You swore that he knew what he was doing too, like he could sense the tension between the two of you, or see the red on your face, but if he did he never brought it up, and for that you were thankful.

Trying to explain fraternization to Price would not be a fun experience. Not only that but bringing it up would probably make you flustered beyond speaking ablity.

"Hey, Y/N. I been talkin' yer fuckin' ear off, you still listenin'?"

You shake your head and look at him, your face feels hot and you're sure you're crimson.

"Ye alright Lass?"

That stupid nickname makes the blush worsen and you simply clear your throat.

"I'm fine Soap. Thinking."

"You can call me Johnny off duty." He laughs. "You usually do....ya nervous about something? Just a wei bit?"

His voice carries a bit of teasing tone and you can't help but feel a bit if irritation at the smug bastard.

"Not nervous, no."

"Ah, not nervous, yet red in the face....Aye...I got yer number bonnie."

He snorts and then continues to eat.

"Really?" You cross your arms and look at him. "Do you now MacTavish?"

"Pretty obvious if you ask me." He shrugs.

"Okay, so tell me then."

Your face burns at the sudden burst of confidence, and as a smirk crosses over Johnny's face you suddenly feel very foolish about what you've just said.

"Lass...tha's not very appropriate for me to say here, where anyone could hear....now is it?"

That smirk stays on his face as he lowers his voice to a low whisper as he gets the last few words out.

You swallow, and your face burns deeper.

"I don't know what you mean Johnny."

"I'm sure." He offers you a laugh and then stands, the look in his eyes makes your body shiver. "I think I'll head to my room...feel free to...visit, if you'd like."

You watch as he walks off as though nothing had happened and your entire body seems to shiver.

He sticks his hands in his jean pockets as he walks away, which you obviously noticed, because of course you did, with an ass like his.

What the hell are you gonna do? Follow him? How the hell did he figure you out so quickly? Did he mean what he said?

Little did you know Johnny was thinking similarly.

"What the hell were you thinkin'? Saying somethin' like that? Y/N does NOT feel that way about you, you probably just fucked somethin' up, fuckin' idiot."

It takes you only a matter of minutes before you stand from the table and head after Johnny, towards his room in the base.

Your heart is thumping so loudly its the only thing you can hear.

Your body seems to be reacting on its own though, your thoughts, while dirty and definetly in need of some....cleaning....ironically, are wondering what'll happen to your friendship afterwards, but your body doesn't seem to care.

Your mind races with the thought of what would happen if you were caught too, it wasn't exactly professional to fuck your coworker in the military.

When you reach his door you breathe deeply, hesitant as you raise your hand to the door. You stopped for a moment and then, you knock on the door.

Johnny opens the door nearly instantly, only a matter of seconds pass before the door knob clicks and he stands in the doorway before you, leaning against the doorframe as he looks down at you.

"Tha' was quick Lass."

"Shut up, let me in."

"Aw...c'mon now...be nice..." He lowers his voice, whispering the last two words, a smug smirk coming over his mouth.

You feel a rush of heat through your chest and look to your feet, your entire face seems to burn, your ears even feel as though they're burning.

"Please Johnny?"

You feel his hand come under your chin and he lifts your head to look him in the eye, not gently but not rough either.

"Try again Lass, look me in the eye."

Fuck fuck fuck fuck

"Please let me in, you stupid Scottish fuck."

"Tha's not very nice...thought I said be nice..."

You clench your jaw and stare at him, that smug grin on his face somehow managing to irritate you and make you horny all at the same time.

"Please Johnny? Let me in?"

"Ye really do want me, don't ye? Dinnaé know you felt so strongly towards me.." He smirks at you and the moves aside, dropping his hand from your chin to let you in.

You look around his room, staring at all the posters and things he has lined up on the walls. Considering this was Johnny's room....you expected it to be far dirtier, less organized, yet as you looked around at the rest of his room you noticed everything had a place, everything was neat, he didn't even have dirty clothes on the floor.

Neat and organized....despite his very chaotic and uncooridinated nature.

You're busy looking this over, viewing his room when he comes up behind you.

He leans in close.

"So, you were havin' thoughts then?" He smirks, you can feel it without even looking at him. "You? Havin' thoughts...innocent little Y/N always focused on the job Y/N....havin' thoughts like those....and about me..."

His voice lowers, it's nearly a growl, and a hand wraps around your waist, his fingers slide gently under the bottom of your shirt, touching the bare skin of your stomach, only just barely.

"Naughty...naughty..."

You look down, your face is completely red, scarlet, and it burns hotter than you thought possible.

By looking down you didn't really account for the fact that, that would only leave your neck open, and it takes all your will power you have not to make a sound when you feel Johnny's lips agains the skin there.

"I'm suprised it took you this long to notice Johnny." You breathe out, hoping your voice wouldn't give out on you.

He stops, his lips still gently placed against your skin as he speaks.

"Really now....been very noticable has it Hen?"

The nickname sends a shiver though your spine, though you know the word itself isn't the issue.

"I think so..." You breathe. "Can't you tell when my voice changes over comms sometimes?"

"Ye get that flustered...over comms? Ye don't even see me.."

He chuckles and presses another kiss to your neck, you're sure the next one he offers will be brusing.

"Not my fault..." You mumble. You've almost collapsed against him, leaning your body weight onto him, though he doesn't mind in the slightest.

"Really now...now...can ye explain to me what it is on comms that makes things so hard to focus then Hen?"

"Why must you make things difficult?"

"Difficult?"

He laughs at you and then stands up straight, his hand leaving the skin of your stomach.

He moves to his bed and takes a seat, nearly plopping down, he sits with his legs open and slaps both hands on his thighs, leaning forwards.

"It isn't difficult, it's a really easy question now Lass."

You cross your arms and look at him, watching as he leans back a little a simple smirk on his face.

"If ye really want somethin' tonight Y/N, yer gonnae have to tell me."

That smug look doesn't leave his face, rather it seems like it only gets worse as he utters out your name, emphasising it, lowering his voice as he does. To add to this you watch as his hands leave his thighs, palms upwards in a sort of shrug gesture.

He knows what gets you flustered over comms. He knows, you know he knows, but you also know he's gonna make you say it.

"You damn well know what it is Johnny."

"Oh I do, but it'll be much better when it comes out of yer mouth, preferrably with your face all red."

You swallow and look to the floor, keeping your arms crossed as you speak.

"I swear sometimes you do it on purpose. You do those damn jokes, say those fucking statements and you always lower your voice, especially if you know I'm listening. I told you how I liked your accent ONCE and now you use it everytime you can."

"Aye, I do." Again, as before, you can hear that smirk on his face. "I'll admit it. I take every chance I can."

You scrunch up your nose, refusing to look up at him.

Theres silence for a moment and then you hear him shuffle, only then do you look up.

He simply catches your gaze and makes a motion towards himself with his two middle fingers, pretty much beckoning you towards him.

Despite the stubborness you've shown earlier you can't help but follow his silent command.

As you reach him and stand inbetween his legs his hands creep over your thighs, fingers curling around the back of them, squeezing the meat of them, tightly, firmly. Just the right amount of pressure.

He looks up at you, his face a little more serious now, the smirk from earlier still lingers, but it's far less noticable.

"Ye know Y/N, I've thought about having you in here....a lot."

"Really?" You stop a moment, your body tingling, stemming from his fingertips outwards. Your mind seems a little fogged. "I thought....I thought maybe you'd invited me in here today just to...well honestly I thought you were just fucking with me Johnny, but...I couldn't just ignore it."

"Nae, no fuckin'with you, no this time."

"So...does...um...does that mean..." You swallow, struggling with your words. "Look....Johnny I think it's obvious I've liked you for a while now...are...if we're really gonna do this...I...what does it mean? Anything? Just...are we fuck buddies, or something more because...."

Your words trail off, you can't help but cross your arms, a sudden burst of what you can only assume is nearly shame creeps up through you.

Johhny's face changes, subtly, but you catch it, and you don't miss the squeeze he gives your thighs either.

"Hen, once I get a taste of you I don't think I could have anyone else."

He's quick with his movements as he slides his hands up towards your ass, and pushes you slightly closer to himself.

The action he does next is a simple one, yet it sends all kinds of feelings through you.

His tongue touches the skin of your stomach, his hand gently pushing your shirt up out of the way. He licks a stripe upwards, keeping eye contact with you as he does.

"Jesus Johnny...."

He offers a chuckle and grips your hip with his free hand just a little tighter.

"I'm gonna ask this once Bonníe," he looks at you, only a small trace of a smile on his lips. "Are ye sure ye wanna do this? I'll stop if ye say stop, but after this I won't ask again."

Your thoughts swirl in your head for a moment. Wondering if it is what you wanted. If it was worth chancing your friendship, chancing your job, getting caught fraternizing is no small penalty.

In the end your body decides for you.

You nod.

"I do."

That smile of his fits on his face slowly, showing off those pearly whites. His surprisingly sharp canines.

His tongue comes out once more, again licking up your stomach, this time he stands as he moves himself upwards, only bringing his mouth away when he reaches the area just below your breasts, letting your shirt fall back to its original place.

When he finally stands his mouth goes into good use, his lips meeting yours with a feverancy, practically a need. He fists your hair, and darts his tongue into your mouth without any hesitance.

His free hand snakes around your body, finding purchase on the plump of your asscheek.

You let out a moan against his lips which in turn pulls one from him.

Your hands wrap around the back of his neck, grabbing onto any part of him you can.

His hand nestled within your hair offers a tug, pulling your head back, taking your lips from his and exposing your neck to him.

His lips latch onto your throat, open mouthed hot kisses against your skin, making your body shiver, tingle. His tongue licks along your skin, warm, and again...hungry.

"Johnny..." You whine out his name, and your body flames up, a part of you is curious as to how he'd gotten you so needy so quickly.

The other part did not give a shit.

"So pretty when you whine like that Bonníe..."

He smiles against your skin, moving towards your jaw, still dragging his lips along your neck, refusing to leave it.

"Maybe we should see if I can get any more out of ye..."

"Johnny...we have to be careful..." You mumble. "We...we can't be caught-"

"Yer right Lass...that might even be more fun..."

He pulls back to look at you, his eyes seemed to darken with the idea that begins to plauge his mind.

"Let's see if ye can keep from screamin' huh?"

"Johnny-"

He cuts you off as his hand come up around your throat, offering a gentle squeeze to the sides as he begins to push you down to the bed.

"Do yer best for me Love." He gives you that goddamn smirk again. "Stay quiet...Can ye do that?"

You nod, your breathing becoming heavier as he stares down at you, hand still wrapped around your throat.

"Atta girl."

He coos out the words and everything in your body seems to be completely englufed in flame.

"You this charming to every girl you fuck Johnny?"

You breathe out the words, hands moving to his chest as you settle against the mattress.

"Jus' you Lass."

Rough hands slide under your shirt, over your stomach, bringing the shirt along with him.

His thumb glides up the center of your torso, pushing down slightly as he continues his movement, his other hand only leaves your throat when he needs to remove the shirt fully.

Your bra is taken off with seemingly expert practice, your breasts exposed to the air, but quickly they're found by hands and mouth.

A rough palm on one and a wet mouth sucking and licking the other.

It takes all your power not to moan, your back arching up into the feeling.

You hadn't been aware of just how touch starved you'd been.

One of your hands tangles into his mohawk, attempting to hold onto something of him.

He looks up at you, pulling away from your breasts.

"Nae, I dinnae say ye could touch lass."

"Johnny-"

"Shut tha' pretty mouth lass...see if ye can be quiet yeah?"

You nod, swallowing as he reaches for your pants. His fingers hooking under the waistband as he unbuttons them with the other.

With one swift movement he's pulled both your jeans and panties down, leaving you bare to him.

"Would ye look at tha'...such a bonnie sigh', Love..."

He smirks and moves in, hands finding your inner thighs, bringing a sigh from your lips.

Before you can say much else you feel a swipe of his tongue over your heat, already you were slick, this was certain to make the problem worse.

His grip on your inner thighs gets a little tighter as he continues with you, he moves his tongue with expertise, eating you out as though he's a man starved.

"Johnny..."

You can't help but let his name slip out, grabbing the sheets beneath you, squirming your hips against his face.

He looks up at you from his position, and even in his eyes you can see the smirk he'd wear.

It's far too soon that he pulls away, you'd been so close to your climax, so close to having that release, until he'd denied you that.

Again you whine his name, and he moves, climbing over you, grabbing your face with one hand, firmly holding your cheeks.

"Aw lass...wei bonnie...are ye feelin' a wei bit needy?"

You nod, the best you can in his grip, moving your hips against his clothed arousal, hoping for even a little bit of friction.

You give a nother small whine, this one more of a sound than that of a noise, again reaching for him, only for his other hand to pin your wrists above you.

"Ah...I told ye, nae touchin' lass"

You simply look at him, unable to do much in your senario. It's then that he kisses you, deeply, his tongue gliding against yours, the taste of your own slick in your mouth.

He lets go of your face, only to rushedly un button his pants, his problem suddenly a bit more annoying than it had been.

The moment he's free, his pants and boxers disgarded he simply looks down at you, seemingly thinking.

Its then that he grabs you by the hips and easily, effortlessly, flips you onto your stomach, running his pointer finger and thumb down your spine for a moment.

"Ye look so good from this angle love..."

He leans over you, his chest to your back, head angled right next to your ear.

He lowers that damn voice of his again.

"Can ye be a good lass fer me and arch jus' a wei bit... chest down love, ass up."

Of course you do as he asks, or rather tells, like its instinct, pressing your chest further into the bed, raising your rear higher into the air.

He leans back, taking a look at the sight in front of him, his hands going to the flesh of your ass like magnets, squeezing gently, your ass and hips, as though he can't decide which he likes better.

"Look at ye...such an obediant little lass...ye like doin' what yer told do ye? Is tha' why ye like rankin' under me? Enjoy the way I order ye around on the field? Makes ye think..."

You don't answer, focused on the feel of his hands, its only when he moves one of those hands to the back of your neck.

"I need an answer lass."

"Yes, yes I do Sir."

You can nearly feel the smirk on his face, he squeezes the back of your neck a little tighter.

"Sir?"

"Yes sir."

"Oho...I like tha' lass..."

He grabs both of your asscheeks again for a moment before you feel one leave only to feel him push into you.

You let out a groan as he pushes in, as much as you can take, to the base, you feel incredibly full. He's girthy.

"Fuck Johnny..."

You murmer.

"Nae...yer gonna call me sir from now on Love..."

You swallow, waiting for him to move.

"Do ye understand me?"

"Yes Sir."

"Good lass."

He gices you this praise and gently he moves his hips, his hand pushing your spine back into that arch you'd subtly moved away from.

His hips move slow, almost painfully so, and he knows this, teasing you with his hands gliding over your back.

"Ye look so good lass...all this jus' fer me..."

"Johnny please...."

"Aw lass...what did I jus' say?"

"Please...sir?"

"Tha's better....use yer words bonnie...what is it ye want?"

"Faster sir, please?"

You hear the small beg in your voice, sure that by the end of all this you'd be begging a lot more.

"Tha's a girl."

His hand moves to your hip, gripping hard as the other moves to your hair, grasping the roots of it, giving a tug as he moves his hips a little faster, filling you with his size, over and over again.

It's only a minute or so before he seems to loose that idea of torturing you, his pace picking up, hips snapping against yours, that slap of skin on skin, the squelch of your arousal ringing in your ears.

"Fuckkk y/n...." It comes out in nearly a growl, and he pushes your upper half further into the bed.

"Yer doin' so good bonnie...so fuckin' good..."

Another maon crawls its way out of your throat, the others you'd managed to quell, small sounds here and there, but you can't stop this one.

You push your hips against his, letting your knees spread further apart trying to get him in at a deeper angle.

"Please sir, please, fuck-"

The words tumble out of your mouth before you can register what you're even trying to beg for, your figers clench at his sheets beneath you, they smell like him, everything smells like him.

"Y/N..."

His voice is a groan, it's all you hear as he shifts your position, yanking you up by your hair, bringing your back to his chest, thrusting himself upwards into you.

"Johnny...fuck!"

You find your arm going over your shoulder, wraping around the back of his neck, trying to find purchase on something

His lips latch onto your neck as though he's drawn to it, his tongue swiping over your skin and his teeth leaving bites along your throat and shoulders. He breaths hard against you, inhaling your scent.

"Steamin' bloody Jesus..."

He groans, his pace picking up a little further, one hand still brusingly on your hip, the other slides down your front, fingers finding your clit easily.

It brings a moan to the surface of your lips, and rather than being scolded Johnny simply murmers another praise of 'good lass' in your ear, his hips snapping against yours, rythmic.

"Johnny-"

"Y/N..." He huffs, his fingers going faster against your bud. "'M close...need ye to tell me where..."

"Inside Johnny, please...fill me up..."

"Jesus Y/N..."

His voice is breathy, heavy against your skin as he continues, his hips getting erratic, until finally he gives a groan, shoving his face into your shoulder, riding out his climax, the feeling of his cum hitting your inner walls pushing you closer to yours.

He rides out his, moving his hips slightly, much slower than before, and keeps his hand going, trying to keep his previous pace.

"C'mon lass...ye can let go now...it's yer turn..."

He mumbles, breatheless.

It's not much longer of this praising and the movement of his fingers before you do just that, squeezing around him and moaning out his name as you finally reach that high.

As the two of you come down, breathing hard, Johnny still inside you, head leaning against your shoulder, he slips an arm around your waist and offers a gentle kiss to your shoulder.

"Thank ye lass..." he murmers. "Tha' was fun."

"Thank you Johnny."

"Ye ain't gotta thank me...I've wanted to do tha' for god knows how long."

"Maybe we can do it again sometime."

"Oh trust me lass...we will be."

[rocksibblingsau]

Do you ever think about how they let a toddler join a boy band? A boy band that was a toxic environment and too much pressure that even teenagers couldn't handle? That had those same teenagers and toddlers do contless interviews, photoshoots and change the way they acted, looked and were just for the hyphotetical imagens fans had of them?

Because I do, I know it just a silly and cheerful children's film but I also think about how this same film opened with those teenagers feeling so mistreated and wronged they literally left their entire civilization, community and family behind just so they shouldn't be treated the same way by anyone else. And John Dory, who I know was implied (which I fully view that as my headcanon btw) to be a child taking care of four other children with only the help of an elderly lady, I do in fact love and sympathize with him. But I also trully need him to be mercyless beaten up by his brothers with hammers, like actually. There only so much headcanons and fic-lore the fandom can put in me before I go back to the movie where John Dory is always implied to be the one who is mostly if not the only one fully in the wrong, buddy was telling a toddler and younger teens that if they werent perfect they were literally nothing and then, left them all for years after they didnt want to be in his band anymore. Like dude, no wander his brothers thought he was still stuck on the perfect family harmony and wanted nothing more than go back to being their boss...

Anyways, writing my bruce and branch fic was been great! Im totally not crying and extemely emotional over the hyphotetical emotions of a bunch of 6 inch tall cartoon creatures. At least I got a excuse to write mom lore before Spruce and John give their last show's fight a run for its money.

I do, especially the fact that Branch likely doesn't have a lot of memories of his brothers not related to the band :)

Don't mind that smiley face, I'm not doin' nothin :)

Anyway yeah it's extremely sad that Branch was still in diapers and he was performing. Despite the fact that he only did that one live show, he was clearly in the public eye enough/involved in music making as he was on their albums and had a boyband persona long enough to have done the whole perm/frosted tips/attempt to do both.

One thing I've seen some people do is say that there was likely external pressure as well and when you consider that the BroZone situation likely took place during the era of Trollstice you really gotta think. It can shatter DIAMONDS. What would it do to say... an iron cage and some stone buildings? Maybe it wasn't John Dory's main goal, but you've gotta admit a perfect family harmony would have likely been a turning point for trolls and it's possible that everyone at that show was sure they were about to witness the end of Trollstice.

The knowledge that me and my siblings could hypothetically end countless deaths would have me acting up too.

[9w1ft]

one aspect that i thought was really revealing though about the rollout of ittg and the context of the moment is it really showed how little taylor’s fans think of taylor’s character.

i’ll never forget how quickly swifties and some gaylors and others, even, were willing to take it as a signal to dunk on karlie, despite her carrying at the time, instead of saying hey wait taylor isn’t the kind of person who would wish this on someone vulnerable like that, maybe there’s something else going on. maybe we should analyze the lyrics, analyze the themes, think of it in a vacuum, be academic about it, be scholarly and think about it. nope. they used it as an excuse to act out.

just to be clear, i don’t necessarily think she expected this level of reaction from her fans at the time.

i feel like i treat ittg as a pivotal moment sometimes when im not sure if it actually was or if it just feels that way because of how it coincided with the progression of my own feelings about the fandom. and it turns out i was also carrying too so there’s gotta be some level or projection or heightened sense of importance that i felt for things that resonated with myself. so i don’t try to harp on about it too much. nevertheless… the reaction to ittg felt like such an inflection point in the direction of taylor’s music and of her connection to her fans. she goes on to release renegade and midnights which have many apologetic tracks, or tracks that have her singing from the perspective of her muse. with midnights and the tortured poets department, she goes on to paint her fans in a bad light. people went on to say it was all taylor being gaslit by joe and gaylors took a detour to either ship her with a handful of other women or to insist that she’s actually only been singing to herself about herself in a… slow burn bid to dismantle the system? but from a kaylor perspective, to me, it’s always been so clear how some big things changed after the evermore bonus tracks and how people handled themselves. sometime ago i was talking to a mutual about how maybe one reason why there’s a sort of an impression that people have, that taylor ignores evermore, is because maybe she is not proud of stuff that transpired because of it. not that she doesn’t like any of the music. just that as an era, it might represent some things for which she doesn’t feel like hearing cheers from the audience for.

[goodstories08]

I'm not sure if you're taking requests but if you can it would be really cool to see a luke x male reader where the reader is his tutor and luke if trying to flirt but it's just going over the reader's head

I just thing it'd be really cool

Favorite Boy

Luke Dunphy X Male Reader

“So your here to tutor MY son, am I hearing you right?” Luke’s mom said while leaning over the kitchen island. Her eyebrows scrunched as she tried to process the information. You bit your lip, still a little confused to why Luke of all people asked for Tutoring. “Yes you are mam,” You mumble while looking down into your bag to make sure you had everything. “Please don’t… Just call me Claire.”

The front door slammed shut quickly, followed by Luke’s figure stepping into the kitchen. His head turned downward. “Hey mom I have a friend coming over to tu….” He stopped and looked up at you, his eyes widened. “Oh Um your here, great.” He looked like he was at at a loss for words, his stuttering and constant blinking was kind of cute. You wrapped your fingers around your backpack and pulled it off the chair you sat on. “So y-you wanna go up to my room.”

A grin formed in your face as you squeezed by the nervous boy, stopping before you made your way upstairs. “Lead the way Dunphy.” He nodded before quickly running up the stairs, not before warning you about one of the broken steps though. You followed him to his room, the overpowering smell of fresh Febreze hitting your nose as you took a step through the door. “Does it always smell like Flowers in here?” You giggle while taking a seat at Luke’s desk. “W-why do you like it.” The boy said, eyes pleading for approval, like a tiny sad puppy.

A small smile grew on your face, as your eyes wandered the room you couldn’t help but notice how clean it was. The baby blue curtains across the room lightly blew in the breeze that came through the window. To the left of the window frame was an old bunk bed, and to the right was a large desk. His dresser was wiped clean from any dust that may have been there, and the floors where vacuumed clean.

“Yea it smells nice,” You paused while looking around for a place to sit. “Oh! Sorry you could sit in my chair, I’ll sit on the bed.” He spun the office chair around and quickly fell back into the blue and white stripped covers of his bed. You slowly walked over after leaning your backpack on one of the desk’s legs. “So what’s the first thing you need help with?” His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. In this moment you realized how cute Luke actually was. You had always seen him around in school, but he wasn’t too popular. Yea he had friends, but he definitely wasn’t as well known as you.

You where always considered smart even if you where barley above average, but what really made you known was your relationship with one of your schools best Football players, Dereck Sans. He wound up cheating and after the two of you broke up, most people took your side surprisingly. Even Luke, who made sure you where ok the day after the break up, for some reason.

“English, Im really stuck on my essay,” he finally spoke while reaching into his desk to pulling out a folder of papers and a singular book. “Romeo and Juliet,” you hummed as his eyes traced over your lips. “Have you read it.” You smiled and flipped through the first few pages. “Honestly,” you giggled as he continued to watch you, “I read bits and pieces, but I just wound up watching the movie.” He smiled while you slid the paper from the desk toward yourself. “Do you like romance movies?”

You chewed on your lip, “Yea I guess.” He leaned closer, you quickly looked back to the paper and began to read the questions. His right hand slightly brushed against your, sending butterflies through your stomach. Suddenly the door flung open, two girls stood in the frame watching you with wide eyes. “Hayley! Alex! Get out of my room!” Luke ran toward the door and shut it, the two girls let out a loud sigh. “Ok, fine. We just wanted to meet our future brother-in law.”

Luke blushed like a tomato, thinking that you where going to be disgusted. But to his surprise, you still seemed clueless. “Oh, I didn’t know you had sisters?” Luke slowly sat up, a defeated frown on his face. He slowly walked over to the bed, his head hung low. “Did I say something wrong?” He asked quietly, you looked up from the book and scrunched your eyebrows. “No why?”

He shifted around before looking up at you, his eyes pleading like a puppy. “I didn’t ask you to come here to study.”

“But, wait. You did ask me for help. That’s why I’m here. Sorry, I’m confused.” He stepped up and looked down at you. “I-I like you. I really really like you. And I have for a long time.” Silence overtook the room, the two of you just stood there. He stare into your eyes, and his lips looked perfect. “I get it if you wanna leave.” It seemed like a rock had grown in your stomach. You felt like you couldn’t move, but you pushed through it. You took a step forward, placing your hand on the side of the taller boys face. He is teary eyes traced over your expressions, you pulled his head down and sealed your lips with his.

His lips where warm, everything felt right. Better than any other guy you had ever kissed. You attempted to pull back but the desperate boy tried to hold the kiss. When your lips finally part you where both out of breath. “I like you too, but I think we should take things slow. It’s just my last relationship I…”

“I get it, It’s ok.” He said, a huge smile on his face. You grabbed your bag and walked toward the door. “We’ll, you do have my snap. So text me.” He stepped toward you, his arms wrapping around your waist. “Can’t wait for our next study session.” He mumbled causing you to giggle. “See you then.” He leaned in this time, eyes closed as the two of you shared a passionate kiss.

“Awww,” Haley and Alex said in unison, causing you both to split apart immediately. “Oh my god. Go away!”

[christinesficrecs]

oh boy im really in the mood for a highschool au, de-aged derek sterek fics, could you rec me your fave so far?? thank you sm for all you do for this fandom you're a lifesaver!!!!

Sure! Try these ones.

Fly a Little Faster by  mirrorkill | 32K

Everyone knows when you go back in time, you shouldn’t step on an ant, just in case you accidentally kill your own grandparent or something. But what happens when you go back in time and, uh, accidentally interrupt the one event that apparently made the Grumpiest Alpha in Town into a ball of mindless manpain?

Well, if Marty McFly can do it, so can Stiles Stilinski. All he has to do is get Derek and Paige to fall in love before he gets pulled back to his own time. And before he makes anything worse. That’s easy as pie, right? Right?

Where Clouds Roll By by  ohanotherday | 22K

Derek gets de-aged, physically *and* mentally, and immediately gravitates towards Stiles instead of his pack. Why? Because he can sense that everyone else (Scott, Erica, Boyd, Isaac, etc.) is a werewolf (or were-something, in Jackson’s case), and his family taught him not to trust unfamiliar weres when he was on his own. He can also sense that Allison’s a Hunter or connected to them somehow, (maybe she smells like wolfsbane? w/e). So Stiles ends up having to take care of him until he’s back to normal. In the meantime, bb!Derek gets very protective of Stiles, and adorable shenanigans ensue.

This Time With Feeling by  Crimson1 | 36.1K

“Derek Hale, if you refuse to learn from your past…then you will be doomed to repeat it.” In which Derek is turned into a 16-year-old and has to stay with Stiles until they figure out how to turn him back.

Play It Again by  metisket | 63.2K

In which Stiles goes along with one of Derek’s plans and ends up in an alternate universe as a result. He should’ve known better. He did know better, actually, and that means he has no one to blame but himself.

“Laura wants to lure the kid in with food and kindness and make a pet of him, like a feral cat. Derek wants to have him arrested for stalking. They’re at an impasse. (And the rest of the family is staying emphatically out of it in a way that suggests bets have been placed.)”

Where The Inevitable Isn’t by  Survivah | 41.2K

Stiles has a magical thingamajig that’s supposed to get him out of danger. Trouble is, it took him really, really far out of danger. Like, to the point where he isn’t in the same universe anymore.

“A part of Stiles had been thinking that he’d come home, and just go, ‘hey, Derek, are we mates and you just haven’t said anything about it?’ and Derek would reply, 'now you mention it, we are indeed! Now come to my bedchamber, where we will have super hot sex and then cuddle after!’”

Now as Ever (All That Is and Has Been) by  venis_envy | 52.2K

Stiles can’t remember what happened to rearrange the time-space continuum, or how he ended up being pulled into the past. All he knows is that he’s there now, in 2003 Beacon Hills, with a teenage werewolf and a possibly-crazy veterinarian as his only allies.

Hormonally Yours by Nokomis | 1.1K

Stiles is on a stakeout with adorably teenaged Derek. Makeouts happen.

A Wrinkle in Time by PencilTrash | 2.8K

“But Deaton, how do we change him back?” “I don’t know, Scott.” “Does this potion contain wolfs bane?” “A little.” “What?! But he's… he is… ” Stiles watched as Scott struggled for the correct word, totally freaking out, and gestured at the twitching blanket in Cora’s hold. “… so small,” Scott murmured after a beat.

I’ll be right back (in 24 years) by AnaIsFangirling (Ana_K_Lee) | 48.1K

When Derek thought about time travel – and he did, a lot – this was not what he’d had in mind. He’d thought he would see his younger self, tell him to leave Paige alone and NEVER trust Kate Argent. He’d thought he’d get to come back once that was done and everything would be perfect. He never imagined having to relive his entire life.

The Time Traveler’s Prerogative by  weathervaanes | 9.2K

After the events of “117”, Derek doesn’t magically transform back into his twenty-five-year-old body. Instead, he’s stuck as a sixteen-year-old for an unknown amount of time. So the pack has to learn to deal with it.

Hold On, Hold Tight (make it through another night) by  callunavulgari | 2.9K

“You feel important,” Derek finally blurts out, the tips of his ears going red the second the words are out of his mouth.

Stiles blinks at him. “What?”

Baby-faced Derek bites his lip again, which is… distracting. “Something is wrong,” he finally says, slowly. “I don’t know what, because none of you are telling me anything—” and ah, there’s a hint of the old Derek. Stiles would recognize that scowl anywhere. “—but I know that everything smells wrong. And that I can’t feel mom anymore. I can’t feel anyone, except for you.”