#im still considering if i should post this on other social media

[kaiserouo]

come here rhino

[whimsyprinx]

I feel like now is a good time to announce that I’m in the process of moving blogs! Im doing so for a few reasons, the main one being paranoia, so for that reason I won’t be saying my new urls publicly so like please dm me if you’d like my new url so you can follow me there! I’ll be reblogging this post a lot so ppl can see it (so sorry if you get annoyed by that)!

I’m also remaking my discord account as well so if we’re friends on there then feel free to message me for my new username!

friends and mutuals please do reblog so shared friends/mutuals have a higher chance seeing it!

[3416]

contemplating making a whole separate blog to basically act as a 1634 primer instead of the written out ones i have... is that psychotic or am i onto smth---

[anemoiashifts]

why you should stop consuming media if you want to shift.

where your attention goes, is where energy will follow. the more you focus on something, the more real it becomes.

⭑.ᐟ i made a post a while ago saying “why you should get off social media if you want to shift”. id like to expand upon that a little more. so, here’s a “why you should stop consuming media” or at the very least “why you should consume media carefully”.

you are being programmed through everything — social media, music lyrics, television, advertising, the news. this is why meta wants tiktok b@nn3d so badly. its taking away their ability to control & their influence upon you because average people spend more time on tiktok then anything else. this can be extended to news networks because more and more people are using it as news sources. media, not just social, need your attention in order to program you. as someone who has taken classes marketing, the core of what my class was, was teaching someone to be the best manipulator. my professor said to always “play on people’s emotions”. anything that has the ability to take your attention away & live in a negative & distracted stake, is taking away your ability to create the life you want to live. a lot of — if not everything — is about power & controlling you for someones benefit.

taking this into account, you can now begin to understand why television shows are called television programs. it is programming you to think & behave & make purchases. for example, the human mind does not know the difference between real & fake. if something provokes an emotion out of you — that emotion it is still real, even it was brought on by fiction. the human brain cannot truly comprehend fiction. this is why people form such emotional attachments to fictional characters because our brains cannot distinguish that they are a character or a scenario is not real.

power comes from your attention & what you focus on; what emotion it provokes.

₊˚⊹�� why is this relevant ?

your thoughts & feelings create your reality.

by waking up every morning after a shifting attempt & saying “i didn’t shift, im not in my desired reality” is what you’re affirming to yourself. when you roll over & scroll on your phone, you are taking your attention away from persisting that you are in the wish fulfilled. you aren’t focusing on that you have already shifted. every shifting tiktok video is affirming that you aren’t in your desired reality. it’s reinforcing that idea of “you’ll shift tonight” “who would do this in your desired reality” “___ in my desired reality” — that you are still here. it’s hardly ever said “you’ve already shifted” on tiktok. again, this circles back to “playing on people’s emotions” — desperation & excitement. keeping people in a loop of shifting content instead of actually wanting to experience it for yourself. i will admit, practically everyone is guilty of this — self included. it definitely doesn’t come from a place of malice & i doubt it’s always intentional on anyone’s part but it’s something to consider that every shifting video you come across is a reminder that you haven’t shifted yet.

limit what you consume. for example, if you keep listening to a sad song, you’re going to be sad & pulled back into a time in your life that no longer serves you. it removes you from the present. the brain has no concept of time as it is a man-made idea. by eliminating media entirely (or limiting / being mindful of what is being fed to you & taking nothing at face value), you are getting that power back.

media keeps you distracted. it keeps you focused on other things & not your manifestations. it constantly brings back you into the 3d. the longer you’re focused on the 3d, the further away you will be removed from your manifestations & you will be pulled into things that fuel others desires.

[sticks-stones-sonic-insanity]

Whoever got given the task of animating this smile for the game I think ur wonderful and you did a fantastic job. Look at him. He <3

Guys can I be real for a sec. Can I be so real and ask a strange little question.

Did Shadow ever stop to think that Maria wishing for everyone to be happy included wishing for HIM to be happy? Does he understand that his promise to her goes beyond fufilling a duty to others and is a prompt for him to seek out his own joy in life too?

I hope so.

Shadow has his whole "I do what I want. But. Im also under the guidance of Maria's wish" thing, where he can be edgy enough to be like don't tell me what to do but nice enough to still help save the world n all should the time come. He says he does what he wants, but what actually is that? What does Shadow the Hedgehog want aside from fufilling his promise to Maria? Truly? Does he even know? Does SEGA know? Is that discovery something thats ever been/going to be explored?

Obviously a lot can be and has been implied or stated off to the side in external media like social posts and wikis (and I want to say the comics buuuut i havent read them yet), Im thinkin more about genuine confirmation in game.

If I'm honest, I think I'm really just asking about the future.

Is there a new hope for Team Dark getting closer again? What about Sonic and Shadow as a duo, considering all that happened and how little we saw them interact in the game?

Now that Shadow has had another chance to reconcile with his past, where will the Ultimate Lifeform go next?

There's more of me yapping abt this but it was bc i was rambling in the tags akrjwjf lmk what u think!

[angelicdanvers]

BREATHE DEEPER | five.

a charlie bushnell x fem!reader social media fic.

levizmiller

liked by y/n, dior.n.goodjohn, leahsavajeffries, and others

levizmiller — she won at pool. again.

tagged | y/n

y/n hey at least we got drinks ↳ levizmiller true ↳ walker.scobell YOU CAN DRINK??? ↳ y/n technically yes BUT i settle for virgins

dior.n.goodjohn best duo loading?! ↳ levizmiller YES

user i lowk shipp ↳ user2 nah they prob friends ↳ user3 ay no need to speculate 😭

y/n

liked by levizmiller, dior.n.goodjohn, walker.scobell, and others

y/n — prep for the jumpscare at the end

tagged | levizmiller

levizmiller 😭

walker.scobell i wanna be your age ↳ y/n in like five years buddy

walker.scobell also levizmiller your physique is ELITE ↳ levizmiller thank you walker :)

leahsavajeffries YOU GUYS ARE SO COOL ↳ y/n that’s our goal >:)

iamcharliebushnell hope ur having fun! ↳ y/n thanks!

dior.n.goodjohn YOURE SO HOT ↳ y/n BABES YOU ALL YOU

user2 not charlie becoming less and less consistent ↳ user4 fr man this is sad

GALILEO’S GALS

forbidden child added cutie patootie

↳ HI ARYAN OKAY SO UH I NEED YALLS HELP i think you guys were right

cutie patootie aw what’s wrong?

chanel’s enemy uh oh

↳ yeaaah so is charlie mad at me??? for hanging out with levi?

lee lee he shouldn’t be, he doesn’t have a reason to because even tho all of us are close it’s still your life yk

chanel’s enemy i second that, and if he does that also means SOMETHING if yk what i mean

dr dre im not even gonna sugarcoat, his comment seems so passive 😭

↳ welp i’ve screwed up big time 😃

cutie patootie i mean he’s okay around walker and i. he did keep talking about you at one point last night when we were watching moon knight literally made us pause the ep and just spoke of you

chanel’s enemy BRO UR GONNA HAVE TO SAY MORE ELSE WE’LL JUST ASSUME HE’S GOT A CRUSH ON HER

cutie patootie idk bro it just seemed to me that he missed her a lot. he kept saying how he wanted to take her to egypt esp a restaurant by the pyramids considering y/n still hasn’t been and other places

chanel’s enemy ong he deffo should if he likes her, he should actually ask her out before anyone else does take her to a nice lil restaurant, get her flowers, whatnot

cutie patootie yeah fr

↳ yall pls tell me youre not speculating he likes me

dr dre omfg Y/N ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION TO ANY OF THESE DETAILS

↳ yes but im choosing to ignore them for the sake of my sanity

lee lee GIRL HE PROBABLY LIKES YOU IF IT ISNT THAT, THEN ITS BECAUSE WALKER SAID LEVI’S PHYSIQUE WAS GREAT AND HE ONLY EVER USED TO SAY THAT TO CHARLIE

↳ YEAH BUT CHARLIE’S MATURE

dr dre is he tho guys do dumb shit when they like a girl

↳ he doesnt like me 😭

cutie patootie ANYWAYS i'd keep my eyes and ears open if i were you, y/n, you definitely didn’t screw up but if you're worried abt charlie maybe just be a tad bit more careful?

↳ gotcha, no more levi posts then?

chanel’s enemy i mean ofc you can post him, it shouldn't be anyone's business as to who you're posting, but idk it's so hard to explain like don't get me wrong i think you should post whomever you wish but hopefully it won't hurt anyone. i mean you're not with anyone controversial so it shouldn't be a big deal anyways, plus if someone cough charlie cough can't fess up their feelings it's on THEM not YOU

↳ i definitely get that, thank you for the insight you guys :) it’s just tough because i really don’t know how i feel either

chanel’s enemy WAIT WHAT i did NOT expect that response

↳ i can't help it idk my emotions are all over the place right now

chanel’s enemy GIRL YOURE NOT A BOP STOP ACTING LIKE ONE

↳ RIGHT SORRY 💀 K PLEASE HELP THO

cutie patootie okok miss y/n do you, or do you not, have a crush on levi?

↳ i do not

chanel’s enemy okok MISS y/n l/n would you rather be MRS. y/n bushnell?

↳ DIOR WTF MAN

dr dre well THAT got a reaction out of her

↳ ugh but he's cute and he’s so sweet and he’s so charming too he texts me every morning no matter what timezone i’m in and he gave my mom flowers when he first met her too he’s so smart, both emotionally and intellectually like doing math with him is just >>>>

lee lee girl. GIRL.

chanel’s enemy LMFAOOO MATH 💀 she down bad BAD

dr dre you see there’s a river in egypt…

cutie patootie AND YOU STILL THINK THIS IS PLATONIC??

↳ OKAY OKAY fuck i like charlie don’t i

chanel’s enemy OH YOU DO YOU DEFINITELY DO

cutie patootie YOU LITERALLY WORRY ABOUT HOW HE FEELS ABOUT YOU ABOUT THE PEOPLE YOU HANG OUT WITH YOU'RE DOWN BAD N/N

↳ aw shit man WHAT DO I DO

chanel's enemy MAKE A SUBTLE MOVE ASAP

lee lee HANG OUT WITH HIM SOON

dr dre MAKE A SHORT FILM

cutie patootie YES THATS PERFECT

↳ guys this is too hard i dont like this

chanel's enemy STFU YOU WILL DO THIS WE ARE HERE BAE 💪

↳ OKOK LOVE YOU GUYS LEMME TRY THIS OUT

— taglist.

@shokocoded @istillremeberthefirstfallofsnow @surftrips @svtsimp22 @thames-fig @captainshischier @reggieslifeboat @multifandom-loser @wheelerslover @mermaid-mqtel @randomnpc456 @kaithoughs @isab3lita @mariposa555 @sunshinessky @myr-cheri @thedeadlynights @ella33 @c1nn4mng1rl @poppysrin @breadbrobin @lucy-the-ant @jules-loves-lukecastellan @taloulalila @tom-pls-fuck-me @mia-luvs @iknowyoureabigfan @rinisfruity14 @chasebeth @auttumnsayshi @prettygirlformula @alwayswndr @balletfilmss @kestisvrse @1forthemoney2forthekish @eissaaaa @emelia07 @toffytaste @soulaires @bearwon @happy-mushrooms @simrah1012 @blimp-blimp @obxstiles @yuminako @hopexcroc @mackycat11 @knowugetdejavu @0puddleofgender0 @callsignwidow @i-heart-emos @eddiesdrummergf @suckerforblondies @homebyeleven @bookworm-center @kawliflo @https-evan2 @ihrtzku @strawberryapplesauce13 @captainshischier @vbbaby-girl @honeysmoonn @itssmandiee @kinderwh0r3 @willsdills @americanbluebirdrb @bokutos-biddys @ln4author @lqclercs @czennieszn @laveens-pearl @inlovewithcarsthatrunreallyfast @aerangi @taygrls @ilamara @hanjiiberry

hi my loves! i am so so sorry for disappearing for a bit, school was getting horrible during the second semester and i found very little motivation. i rested all of july and i am hoping to update this series, along with posting a luke one i've written for the past few months, throughout this month! i think i've mostly tagged all the people that requested to be a part of the taglist, forgive me if i missed you or tagged you twice.

how are you guys doing?

please stay safe and drink water, i'm proud of you <333

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

would i be the asshole for contacting my ex to ask them if they could stop talking about me online to a community that knows who i am? (🥐)

tw: kinda emotionally abusive relationship

bg info

me (24f) and my ex (28) were in a three month relationship three years ago following a whole year of friendship. they were my first partner and i came out as a lesbian to everyone during our relationship. when we were together, they were 24 and i was 20. i was very emotionally dependent on them when i was 20 due to mental health issues and so were they which is probably one of the reasons why our relationship was as explosive as it was. i looked up to them, my whole emotional world revolved around them, and our friendship/relationship was the only thing i had in my life at the time. they constantly asked me "hey is it even ethical that im dating you, im 4 years older, you tell me please, oh i feel like such a bad person", yet, they still continued dating me every time they would ask.

our fights were horrible and truly explosive as they broke their stuff in front of me out of anger, threw things at me and insulted me as stupid, amongst many other things. our fights usually ensued because i would ask them for reassurance and they would start panicking and screaming at me to shut up. to be fair, i would cry every time i was asking for reassurance which probably made them feel scared about losing me, so i consider myself 50% at fault for everything that happened in our relationship, i shouldve been able to talk to them in a secure manner that wouldnt trigger their abandonment issues. our fights were quite jarring and made me walk out on them several times out of fear. yet i always came back and apologized and took the whole accountability, even though i dont consider myself the only one at fault. walking out several times during fights was probably one of the worst things i could have done but at the same time i was simply scared. even when i walked out after our last fight, they begged me to come back, which i did, i apologized under tears, and yet, told them that i cant promise them to stay no matter what.. and left.

we met through tumblr and were in a medium distance relationship. after our relationship, i went to a clinic and had to learn a lot about myself, what i experienced and what i want from life. im in a very happy and healthy place now and since the end of 2021 im with my current partner whom i want to be the love of my life and whom ive started to build a life with.

context

i have my ex blocked on all social media because they used to do hour long deep dives into my blog, even as of recently (i have statcounter installed for my safety bc im paranoid about them sending me anonymous asks). at first i also used to visit their blog after our break up but stopped doing so after moving on with my life. one year after breaking up i temporarily unblocked them and explicitly asked them not to look at my social media (or at least to do it in a way in which i dont notice aka asked them not to watch my instagram stories).

while i dont visit their blog/social media because i dont want to know whats going on in their life, tumblr mutuals frequently dm me stuff like "hey i think you should know that your ex posted about you/shit talks about something that you posted". i havent asked my mutuals to tell me whenever this happens but i imagine they do so because within the tumblr space we exist, everyone kind of knows everyone (so my ex doesnt have to mention my name for people to know who theyre talking about). sometimes mutuals send screenshots of the posts so that i dont have to visit my ex's blog. last ive heard my ex joked about throwing jewelry at me and posted extensively about a tattoo that i got. my ex's behavior makes me uncomfortable and feel just as helpless as i did back then.

why i might be the asshole

im scared that they might be venting because i was more at fault in the relationship than them and that i am unconsciously deflecting. however, i talked about every detail of the relationship and this fear extensively with my therapist, friends, and partner who are of the opinion that i was young, scared, and intertwined in a relationship that was incredibly toxic. im still unsure though because my emotions frequently triggered theirs.

why they might be the asshole

i asked them once to stop visiting my social media and i feel like venting about our relationship that broke off 3 years ago to a tumblr community of friends and acquaintances is kind of unfair. however, i might be the asshole and they might just need the space for venting. i could just ignore the vents and let them heal in their own way from what ensued.

WIBTA if i confronted them again and told them that i want them to stop talking about me online? or would i be a party pooper because every person needs a space for venting?

What are these acronyms?

[yourwitchybrother]

so im very new to hellenic polytheism, and ive been seeing potential signs of dionysus reaching out to me, and im curious how i would go about reaching out to a deity. (this is my first time😭)

as in like, how do i know if they’ve accepted, and if i ask for a specific sign …. what kind of sign do i ask for??? i would like some specifics of reaching out to deities !!

Ciao, hello!! This is an awesome question and, honestly, not something I've seen or heard talked about too often! So, lets dive into it.

The Basics of Deity Work

First things first, you think a deity's reaching out to you. Before coming to this conclusion, ask yourself a few questions.

☀ Is there a different, physical reason behind these signs occurring? Or do they seem intentional / what's the pattern of these signs? ☀ Could there be a different deity reaching out to me? Or is it who I believe it is? ☀ Could this also simply be some other non-divine energy reaching out to me? Depending on the signs, you can try narrowing it down from here.

But I've reached my conclusion, and it is a deity, so what now?

In that case, congratulations! The next step would be worship if you don't already worship this deity. They could be sending you signs in an attempt to draw you in rather than outright work with you. This means you should start with the most basic form of deity work: Worship.

Consider this a crash-course on worship. Here are some tips and advice.

☀ Worship is different from devotion - you have not reached that part with your deity yet. You're in the beginning stage. Think of it as being a new hire when you've been hired to a new job. Ask your coworkers with more experience (devotees, long-time worshippers, god spouses, priests, etc.) for some advice with navigating the new job. They're going to be able to give you more specific advice. ☀ Worship does not have to be some extravagant thing involving rituals every day or invocations 24/7. It can simply be about praying, offering, and thanking. Thinking about them, remembering them, learning about them, casually. When you become a devotee (which can be on your terms or, in some cases, the deity will approach you about this), this casual worship can turn into scheduled, routine devotional practice. ☀ When worshipping, use caution. Make sure you are properly vetting and are actually communing with the right entity. Tricksters like to get involved in relationships that aren't theirs. Even trickster gods, not just trickster spirits or no-good energies. Loki pretended to be Apollo before I realized that Apollo weirdly had two energies that were completely different from one another.

Well, now I've decided / been asked to become a Devotee. What does that look like?

I'm glad you asked, buddy!! Devotion is entirely dependent on your relationship and standing with a deity. My devotion consists of a lot of sitting with my Gods, talking to them, researching them, and writing about them. I consider this blog an act of devotion and my posts are smaller acts of devotion and love.

Here's your devotion crash-course.

☀ First and foremost: Talk about them. This may be hard to do if you aren't in an accepting environment, so in this case, find another outlet. Write about them in your journal or grimoire. Start a blog or social media page dedicated to them and what they stand for. Make subtle mentions of them. Or, if you're home alone, tell the stillness of your home about them. ☀ Divination is your best friend, especially if you struggle to see and/or hear them. Divination helps with clarifying energies and helps you communicate with them directly or through a middle-man (for example, the Fox spirit I'm building a relationship with would be a middle-man between me and Apollo or Loki or any of my Gods if I don't get a response or hear back from them when I need to pass a message, and he'll return messages to me). ☀ Research them. Come up with a schedule if it helps, or try to do it whenever you're free and have enough spoons. Back when I started worshipping Apollo, it started with me just doing research on who he was. Then, when I became a devotee of his, this research began getting a lot deeper and I started learning a lot of UPG. ☀ Do things that connect to what they represent. Act and get on stage for Dionysos. Sing for Apollo. Grow and nurture plants for Demeter. Clean and tidy your house for Hestia. Save money for King Hades. Stretch your back for Hermes. Play a prank for Loki, and send someone love for Venus. Connect with the things under their rule. ☀ Honor their families and loved ones. For Apollo, I veil. Yes, in part out of devotion for him, but more recently, I do so on behalf of his mother, Leto.

At the end of the day, devotion is different between practitioners. But with that being said, let's kind of get to the point because I went on a bit of a ramble there.

Reaching out to the deity... How exactly?

This process can prove to be a tad bit vexatious simply because of the fact that it's a process of trial and error. Sometimes, deities may not immediately respond, or you may get into contact with the wrong entity, or there may be a block - anything. But the first thing you're going to want to do is invoke them.

This looks different for everyone. I've found it easiest to call them by praying to them and formally requesting their presence. But for some people, it can look like repeating their name, shaking their fists at the sky, you name it, it's probably been done. But invoking them is how it starts. Since you're just starting out, I'd recommend something more formal like lighting their candle and praying, or simply just praying to them.

After that, hold a divination session using your preferred method (mine is a tarot session!) after having cast a circle and putting up proper protections. The Old Gods have an intense energy that can throw you off, overwhelm you, or upset you, so cast a circle, veil, and do whatever you need to do to protect your energy. This may take some trial and error.

Once you get into contact with them, ask them if they're reaching out for the sake of worship, or for the sake of working with you. Ask what they'd like to help you with. Ask what they'd like in return. Ask them anything you need to clarify the boundaries and constraints of your relationship with them. Communication is key.

Finally, the conclusion.

I really do hope this helps, please don't be afraid to ask me some clarifying questions to better understand! Or, if you need a deity reading, I may be revamping my etsy to open up readings soon.... 👀👀

I hope this helps you out, and whoever happens to find this. A mi piace aiutare la gente <3 Blessed be, and may the Sun be your guide! A domani!

[real-raincode-takes]

kurumi headcanons that i've personally decided are facts

she's a massive detective fujoshi AND fudanshi. shipped johnlock obsessively before moving onto WDO rpf

before the blank week she was the top master detective x reader author on wattpad and ao3 with tons of fics that are scarily in character

REGULARLY created and posted fancams and edits featuring her favorite WDO master detectives

she draws a lot of detective yaoi and yuri but she's not confident enough in her art to post those online

when the blank week occurred, all of her WDO stan account oomfies wondered what the hell happened to her but still tried to keep the fandom afloat

true crime girlie for sure. i dont need to elaborate

before kanai ward's isolation, she had an entire blog dedicated to trying to figure out number one's identity. before he ever went to kanai ward, number one considered her to be one of his biggest ops. criminal syndicates were using her damn blog to find and try to kill him. but she's just an innocent high schooler so he left her alone. he cannot for the life of him figure out how she's finding such scarily accurate yet slightly off information about him

she knows that yuma has been killing the culprits throughout the game but has decided that only makes him more attractive

after kanai ward opened up to the world first thing she did was update her in-progress multichapter slowburn 100k+ words halara nightmare x reader fic with an author's note that says "sorry for the late update, everyone! my city was completely isolated thanks to a government conspiracy, so i had no internet connection :((( anyway, i've had plenty of time to finish this fic and several others, so be ready for some regular updates! ^w^" and then the fic comments AND the WDO stan social media go absolutely crazy

postgame kokowendy is incredibly one-sided on kurumi's part because once yuma gets his number one memories back, he is... flattered about her obsessiveness but also Very much put off by it. he still cares about her a lot though. i dont even ship kokowendy but im deeply enamored with her having a one-sided fan crush. she should be thriving as a cringey teenage girl. as god intended.

.

[waistdoll]

I am new to jirai kei, but I just wanted to know some tips and other things I should be educated on in the subculture 🩷 I just don't want to come off as ignorant because Im new 🫶 so do you have any tips or things I should know? ⁠♡

TW: harmful behavior, s*x work, mentions of self-h*rm, i will try to talk about the differences, the stereotypes and the reason behind them, having the "jirai kei" as a main subject.

୨ৎ if you want to know more about the girly kei style you can ask me too!! like brand recommendations, tips on buying from japan, japanese clothes size, makeup, etc.

but please, keep in mind that:

• jirai kei 地雷系 (lifestyle) and dark girly kei (style that some of the jirai girls use) are two separated things and you can be jirai without using the style and you can use girly kei without identifying as jirai.

tl;dr: the western / social media vision of jirai is totally wrong. jirai kei in Japan isn't a style at all; jirai kei is a lifestyle that is seen as "unhealthy".

the term jirai kei came from “地雷系”. translates to “landmine-type”, not the literal meaning as “landmine”, is a japanese slang for "trigger" "red flag" “地雷を踏んだ”, meaning “i stepped on a landmine”. in reference to a person, a “landmine” is someone that’s so easily triggered over minor things that they keep exploding on others with abusive behavior, so you need to be as careful as if you were walking around a minefield.

this meaning has been around for about a decade, primarily used in dating advice articles about how to recognise “red flags” in a partner.

"but OP, it isn't a style?"

in those dating stereotypes, even the most arbitrary traits were considered red flags and wearing dark alternative fashion is already enough to have someone considered a potential landmine, the style in question is called dark girly kei. (style used by many jirai kei girls)

around 2020, jirai kei didn’t have any associations with any particular fashions or interests, but when a popular japanese makeup vlogger started a “psycho girlfriend” dress-up challenge and called the final look a landmine-type cosplay. she contributed to the stereotype that the landmine-types were often fans of dark girly fashion, every influencer was getting in on the trend, and cosplaying as a landmine-type psycho girlfriend, generally also tagging with “yandere”, then a lot of influencers did the challenge and lots of girlykei brands started to use the "jirai kei" terminology to sell more.

"why would someone call themselves jirai knowing that it means "psycho woman" in other words?? wouldn't it be romanticizing?"

popularly, there's a lot of people who call themselves jirai kei knowing about the difference of jirai & girlykei because of their mental conditions, i, myself use jirai kei to feel a little better about my mental state and to connect to other people who struggle the same as me, even if they stopped calling themselves jirai they wouldn't stop their unhealthy behavior, they're not mentally ill because of jirai, they're jirai because of their mental illness. the spaces for real mentally fucked people in the internet are so few, these people that are called "psycho bitches" exist and they shouldn't feel bad about being like this, they are the people who most struggle with all of it and it's their business if they want to call themselves it. telling people to not use the jirai kei term will not stop them to engage on harmful behavior, at the end those people are still mentally ill and have more problems than the terminology they use. might be thinking the "jirai antis" are some sort of saviors or something like that, if you really want to help those people don't blame it in the community and style they've found themselves.

all jirais don't have the same behavior even if all of them have a fucked mental state, some of them might be posting self-harm for validation, some are obsessed with their s/o, some doing sex work for attention, some of us has violent thoughts and bpd, some of us are just neurodivergent, or have depression, etc, is a form of venting/expression, and venting ��� encouraging someone.

some info:

• the term hadn't changed its meaning, please don't act like it's some sort of "feminist movement" or even empowering.

• part the association of girly kei with harmful behavior is related to "toyoko kaiwai" (トー横キッズ) who's around Kabukicho, many of the members have been wearing various dark j-fashion styles before the "psycho girlfriend dress-up challenge" became a trend. they're credited as the reason for why those styles are associated with the landmine stereotype to begin with. they're been connected to under*ge pr*stitution, dr*g ab*se, public self-h*rm, murd*r and theft.

they are around age 9-24, (firstly known as toyoko kids, but like, there's a lot of adults in this) they're often privileged children who were convinced to get away from home by bad influences. and many members have died or been hospitalized as a result. for more info search the Japanese spelling on any japanese news site, or their signature hashtags on social media:

#/toho横界隈

#/トー横界隈

#トー横

recently, their former leader “Howl”, died by suicide while waiting in custody for a trial, (<- click for more info) -> (also here) for convincing minors to run away from home in order to “work” for him and dress in a way he finds attractive.

all these minors he "convinced" are victims, you can use the style without agreeing with this behavior and be jirai without agreeing with this, they're all manipulated children and it isn't their fault.

[catbountry]

Speaking as Straight White Male it is beyond tiring to see every minor viral social media post turn into justification for "actually this is why men are radicalized!" Like im sorry they thought the Bear was a safer option, im sorry that poisoned MnMs was something that hurt your feelings and so on but holy shit get some perspective. i had my little "Not all men!" phase too bu i was 19 or something. learn empathy, learn that "Men" is a demographic and not you personally. it always feels like some flavor of a lack of reading comprehension, like that time when there was that thing where there was a thing of people thinking toxic masculinity meant that all masculinity is toxic.

it seems so unreasonable to say "the way to stop white men from radicalization is for women and other minorities to take them by the hand and ask them to nicely consider them people" rather than "dudes need to learn to tamp down on their knee jerk reactions to group criticism and being exposed to people out of their demographic"

The fact that you were 19 years old and had that as a phase but got out of it. That's the thing I'm pointing to, and I feel like I've not done a good enough job at highlighting that as my point. It's not even about a lack of reading comprehension, I think a lot of people who retreat to the internet for most of their socialization are more likely to be lonely and recruited. How many fucking Twitter memes do we need to have of people reading far too much into innocuous statements to prove that yeah, it is a lack of reading comprehension, but a lack of reading comprehension is not something that happens in a vacuum. And there are people who are very eager to sell people bad ideas based on those misconstrued readings because they speak to a feeling of disenfranchisement.

When I talk about this sort of thing, it's in a preventative way. Most people don't arrive at being a moral and righteous person all on their own; usually they fuck up along the way, have to apologize, readjust their views with new information and new perspectives. Having been in anti-SJW spaces, and having that phase last far longer than I'm comfortable with... I wouldn't have gotten out if I hadn't had people who liked me push back on some of the dumb shit I was saying. Granted, I was not some kind of neo-Nazi; I was an edgelord and a transmedicalist who constantly felt like Padme in that one Star Wars meme; the one of her in the field with Anakin. It was a lot less of a leap to come to a lot of the views I hold now. But if those people around me had all cut me off? Who fucking knows how much worse I could have gotten? Who even knows if I'd still be alive, typing this right now? I got into those spaces in the first place because people proclaiming themselves to be progressive were bullying my friends and I, on top of me being depressed and then traumatized by losing my dad. I was a fucking mark.

I'm not coming at this from the angle of "oh, if we just hug and kiss all the horrible Nazis they'll realize how righteous we are, uwu," I'm coming at it from the perspective of wanting to be the kind of person I had around me that got me out to people who were in similar positions to myself. I'm not seeking these people out. I have no desire to do that. Hell, I don't even think most people should do this, but because of my own personal experiences... I at least have to try if I'm having an otherwise benign conversation with someone and they say something off. I at least want to see if they're just speaking out of ignorance and they're not really all that married to these ideologies, in which case they could be rehabilitated, or if they're just fully on board with the fascist incel shit, in which case I can't do shit for them.

I want to be the kind of person for people that I wish I had around me that could have helped get me out sooner. And if they don't want my help? Fuck 'em. I want to try and make up for some of the damage I did because it feels like the least I could possibly do. And if that means steering someone away from that pipeline before they reach the point of no return just through a pretty casual encounter through just being stupidly patient and nice? I'll try, because that's just the type of person I am. Forget everything I said about suggesting other people doing this because doing this has burnt me more times than I can count. But I think I have helped keep some guys normal, even if it's only in a very small way.

You can think that I'm stupid or naive for even bothering. I don't care. But I'm still friends with former KF people who helped me get out and we support each other. It's a lot easier to learn empathy when it's demonstrated to you.

I'm sorry, I just... this subject touches on a lot of very personal stuff for me. It's why I even bother with it in the first place.

[mikachacha]

𝙰𝚕𝚕 𝚃𝚘𝚘 𝚆𝚎𝚕𝚕 (𝙱𝚊𝚍𝚊 𝙻𝚎𝚎 𝚡 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛) 𝙿𝚝. 4

Synopsis: Bada has been treating you bad but she doesn't wanna lose you so she does everything she could possibly pull off to get you back.

Warnings: angst, manipulation, gas lighting, love bombing, toxic behaviours and relationships, cursing. this is just one heavy thing so please be advised

(A/N: im still in awe that i was able to reach four damn chapters of this considering how lazy I am 🤧)

Prologue | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 |

Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Bada came home, a bit tired and she noticed something was off. The apartment was quiet and there wasn't any sign of you. Her heart began to pound when she called your name but there was no response. She ran to your shared bedroom and all of your belongings are no longer there. She frantically looked around but you were long gone. She tried texting you, calling you but you weren't answering. Her calls would just go straight to your voicemail. At that point, Bada felt lost. She's lost since you weren't there with her. She doesn't know what to do.

"No.. No.. I can't.. I can't lose you.." Bada could only pace around the apartment, trying to get a hold of you, your friends or anyone who might be in contact with you but to no avail. So Bada did what Bada does best, play the sad girlfriend who's desperate to find you and tell people that you left after a huge misunderstanding. She was desperate and she knows you too well that you really don't like way too much attention from other people and you really dislike having people meddling with your relationship and personal life.

Bada posted on her social media about being so sad that you left her without even saying goodbye. How she came home and you were no longer there along with your things. How you didn't give her a chance to even make up for everything and you just suddenly disappeared. Of course, people believed her. Even your family and friends did. Bada really knows how to get you back and she's not gonna stop until you come running back to her.

You tried to live your life the way you used to without Bada but it seems like you really can't escape her. It's like everyone and everything you do is pointing you back to her. You felt trapped. You didn't know what to do. So after almost a week of hiding from her, you finally messaged her to meet you at the park where she took you on a date once. You tried to brace yourself but when Bada came and she hugged you, you felt your walls crumbling down. You were crying. You were in despair, you were broken, you were scared. So many emotions hitting you all at once and Bada took advantage of your vulnerability.

"Baby.. I know things didn't go well between us but please.. Please give me this one last chance to make things better. You still love me, right? You still want to be with me, right? Want me to make things better for us? Want me to make this all stop?" Bada coos and stroked your hair while you sobbed in her arms. You wanted to say no, you wanted to get away from her, you wanted to tell her to go fuck herself because you're through but it seems like you couldn't find it in yourself to do it. You just nodded and Bada couldn't help but smile. She knew how to get you back, she knows you too well and she's gonna make sure that you won't be leaving her again any time soon.

That night, you came back home again. You were too tired to refuse, too tired to argue, too tired with everything. Bada began to treat you real well again. Spoiling you, making sure to make you feel special again and making sure that you're seen with her everywhere she goes. You should be happy but it made you feel so much worse. When will this go back to being bad? When will she stop caring again? When will she stop 'loving' you again?

Bada would cook you meals, take you out on dates and buying you things. She's also bringing you to all of her works just so she could keep an eye on you. You hated it but what else can you really do at this point? You just pretended that nothing's wrong, that everything's perfect between you and Bada. Maybe if you pretend enough, you can fool yourself as well into believing that everything's fine. That Bada truly loves you and that your relationship will be fixed. Though what she's showing you now scares you. When will it end? When will she stop showing that she cares? When will she make you feel that you're an idiot believing that she actually loves you? Those thoughts kept plaguing your mind and won't let you sleep at night.

"I'm glad you and Bada are back together now.. You guys look so perfect!" one of Bada's friends said as you sat at the back, watching Bada teach her class and you wanted to snap, you wanted to scream, you wanted everyone to realize that no, you're not glad that you got back together. You wanted to run away, you wanted to escape this nightmare that you're going through. But you can't. Because Bada has painted herself as the good person. The amazing partner who is madly in love with you, who's willing to take you back even if you left her, the person who's willing to give you the whole world just to have you back. And then you'll be this ungrateful bitch who took such amazing person for granted and everyone will hate you.

"Yeah.. I'm glad as well.." you said, looking away as you felt yourself tearing up from your own words. You felt crushed by your own lie that you oh so desperately wanted to believe.

It went on like that for months. You being the never needy, ever lovely jewel that shine reflects on Bada. You're like the perfect girlfriend for Bada that's always there supporting her and being loved by Bada but only if they knew what happens inside the apartment you shared with her. There were times she's sweet and there are times that she made you feel like you're the most useless human being in the world and that you're only there because of Bada.

"Y/N go make me something to eat. I'm starving." Bada ordered as you were cleaning around the living room. You hated it when she's not working. She's just horrible towards you and you're sick of it.

"Why don't you make your own damn food? I'm not your fucking slave and I'm tired of you treating me like crap whenever no one's around!" you yelled and slammed the mop on the ground and Bada chuckled coldly, standing up and stood in front of you. You were supposed to cower before when she did that but not today. All the anger and emotions that you've bottled for months is finally about to burst.

"Oh yeah? Then why are you still here? You could've left me, Y/N. You could've went back to the states the first time you left but you didn't because deep down, you still need me. You can't live without me. Let's face it, you're bound to be just a pretty little thing to keep me company until I finally get tired of you and discard you. But even after that, you'll still chase me around because you're just like that, Y/N. And will always be like that." Bada's words felt like being stabbed, shot, zapped and ran over all at once. Even if you deny it, her words still held some truth to it.

"Yeah, I still love you, Bada! Still so damn in love with you even if you hurt me, even if you keep breaking me like those damned promises you told me. But I'm done. I'm so done with you, so done with this relationship, so done with all your bullshits!" tears were streaming down your face but there's this burning determination inside you that Bada can't put out even with those words. You're determined to leave, you're determined to put yourself first. You want to help yourself out and away from this relationship to which you did exactly.

You pushed past her and went to grab and pack all the belongings that are important and you can carry. You pushed past her when she tried to stop you from leaving. You are so done and you didn't want to be her pretty little toy anymore. It all ends today. It all ends now. You didn't care if you were wearing your pajamas to the airport. You didn't care if you had to spend a lot of money just to get a ticket to go back to the states. You didn't care about the cameras being pointed your way, taking pictures and videos of you looking so disheveled for them to post and share on social media. All you cared about is you, and the feeling of being free from Bada's clutches.

————;

@lil-elliesgf @efyyylee @hwm1hyun @mikaleialt @bunnywonyo @badaswifey @mrs-grim-reaper @b1ackbunny @wifey-badalee

[copper-16]

why do you reckon mapi and ingrid may be being more private with their lives? im not tryna be a freak or anything like that, im just curious if something happened for them to do that? or is it just a suspicion you have? again, not tryna come across as weird, i just wish the best for them and totally understand why they wanna be more private considering the eyes on them and especially more if something happened x

Okay so we did end up getting a birthday post (I’ve never been more thrilled to be wrong about something!), but I definitely have seen some discourse about Mapi and Ingrid becoming a little bit more private on social media. Not a whole ton, obviously they still post each other quite a bit (I haven’t really noticed a difference to be honest), but I have seen some people discussing it for some reason.

I think it feeds into a bigger discourse of footballers and the line between their private versus public lives, and where fans fit into that.

Mapi and Ingrid both have been very open in the past, but they are both getting more famous. And with more fame, comes more online abuse and just overall more dialogue about their lives and choices. Perhaps they just want to live their lives as they please, without having to appease or perform on social media, or be subjected to any sort of abuse/homophobia/whatever it is. Everyone has their limits.

I think it’s important for people to remember that these are real people, with real lives, and we cannot grow so attached to people or the idea of a person in our mind that we aren’t still respectful of their boundaries. I probably sound like a huge hypocrite saying this, but as much as I enjoy writing about these women, I don’t find myself in any sort of like para-social relationships with them, and I caution anyone against growing so invested. When I write about them, I’m not attempting to write about real people, but more along the lines of a character that is based off of that person (utilizing the fact that my audience already understands the characters and often the setting, and I don’t have to do that myself). Thats one of the reasons that fanfiction can be so enjoyable for people to write and read, is this idea that it’s easier to understand because both the author and audience already have an idea of the world/people/setting, and the author doesn’t have to spend the time and word count setting that up. It’s not that writing about these people is us trying to invade their lives or change history, but rather utilize our own creativity to think of our own stories. No writer, including myself, should ever claim in this sphere of writing to be writing the truth, because we don’t know these people!

I know there has been a lot of discussion on invasions of privacy, and I might get some push back on this but I figured I would state my own thoughts. People are more than allowed to disagree, I think there’s room for healthy discussion without being cruel toward one another:

I don’t see that big of a problem with writing about or discussing football and footballers on platforms like Tumblr and ao3, where the chances for these people to actually view what is being discussed is very, very low. In my mind, players would at that point be seeking out that information, and that is their choice and within their boundaries to do or not do, as they see fit. People are naturally curious, they have questions and want to connect with others about things they enjoy, and I see platforms like Tumblr and ao3 as a way to do so. People can learn, discuss, debate, etc with the freedom that these players are not on the platform, and will therefore not see what they are saying. I think it’s healthier that way, for all involved, to have a level of disconnect. I do think there are still lines to be drawn on these apps, I’m not saying it’s a free for all, but I tend to be more forgiving of potential mistakes or more risqué posts because I doubt that these people will ever see them.

I personally see a much larger problem being had on platforms like Instagram and Twitter and TikTok, with heavy amounts of abuse and overly harsh criticism about honestly all aspects of their lives. There is a difference between discussion and constructive criticism and bashing someone, or being abusive. Players see these things, we clearly know this, they are people too with feelings and bad days and people need to respect that and have some empathy. I find fault with Tumblr posts when someone on twitter/instagram/tiktok pulls a post and put it on one of those platforms. Why people would do that and open players up to seeing these things is beyond me, and feels disrespectful to all parties involved honestly.

I also see a lot of issues on those apps with invasion of privacy. My take on the issue has always been if a player has posted something, that is public knowledge that is allowed to be consumed, because they have made the choice to post and share that with the world. There’s a difference between scrolling back a few years to find a funny picture of a player when she was younger on her instagram page and ending up on her aunts friends Facebook page, digging up pictures from 2012 to use in some facet. Or taking something that someone has since deleted, or somehow getting a photo from a private account that might be a personal photo. There’s a line, and sure, it might fluctuate a little depending on the person because we all were raised differently and have different boundaries, but I still believe there is still a universal level of respect that can be upheld. We are not entitled to anything, the fact that we get to engage with these women and learn about their lives is a PRIVILEGE, and not a RIGHT. I think people often forget this.

Anyways, this got very long and waxy, which I apologize for. I’m sure I’ll get some pushback for this, because everyone feels a little differently on the subject, but this is simply where I stand. People are welcome to disagree and discuss as long as it is done so respectfully!

[jqmalikhsgib]

rihannanews

4,567 Likes

rihannanews @ynhotchner seen leaving restaurant w/friends and family

View all 545 comments

fenty she looks so good

ynnewera we need more of her

ynfentybeaut i love her so much

slayqueenri our mom

riynfent she is the moment

ynhotchner

Liked by ynfan3 and 6,330,000 others 

ynhotchner mom and dad night out. excuse my husband, he’s still not use to the cameras 

View all 44,000 comments

rihannanews best couple

ynfan1 i love them so much 😍

rifan4 we need more of them

pennyg you two look amazing

mamafenty so beautiful baby

ynfan33 i love her so much it hurts

rihannafenty we stan 😍

ahotchner

Liked by ynhotchner and 4,767,000 others

ahotchner guess mama yn isn’t the only one who’s having a baby. congratulations to my sister-in-law @jessbrooks

View all 34,000 comments

ynhotchner twins

pennyg omg!!! congrats

r6soon wait, who’s this woman?

rinewssss um—???

rihannanews this is her husband ex sister in law. they’re obviously good with one another. people should stop being weird. he can post photos of his sil

rinavy @rihannanews no one said he couldn’t but it’s a little weird he’s never posted his own wife baby bump photos but his exs sisters baby bump

rihannanews @rinavy you’re contradicting yourself, dude! maybe he wants to have photos to himself of his wife considering she gets papped all the time and people see her bump 25/8! he’s allowed to want to cherish her photos

ynhotchner liked this comment

derekmorgan big congrats uncle hotch

ynhotchner

Liked by ahotchner and 15,000,000 others

ynhotchner a glimpse of us

View all 64,000 comments

rihannanews sad she had to do this to shut people up

rianna im obsessed with them so hard

pennyg best wedding ever!

ahotchner love you forever my darling

ynnews i hate the fact that she simply posted this because of the dumb fans who are upset that her husband didn’t post a photo of her on his own page. the man doesn’t even use social media like that and he clearly wanted to keep these moments to himself! some of yn fans are so slow and dumbasses

ynhotchner and ahotchner liked this comment

[icyy-hoon]

hi! im one of tama's friends and i saw that you "addresed" the thing about her being a minor and you hinted that she may have a bad influence at school or at home which i find kinda rude tbh and making a topic well known where a minor is included its kinda hypocrite too bc she already said that some people have attacked her in her inbox (which i have proof) and even emi (emisloves) herself has insulted her publicly by calling her slurs. i would be so grateful if you and the other people in enhablr that are interesed in the topic let it go for once.

not trying to be rude to you bc youre actually vv sweet but, how would you feel if people were in your inbox constantly asking your age (which they alr know) and leaving passive-aggressive asks?

all those people who find it weird enough to see a 15yo reading/writing smut should start taking a walk every morning or in their free time. yall do not know tama at all and how shes doing to be assuming she has some problems to be interacting with written smut, what yall should focus on should be on how not to expose a minor knowing damn well any kind of people are going to end in her blog and anything can happen.

hi there!

first of all, i apologize for saying she had a bad influence at school or at home; nevertheless i did not state that she does. I said maybe, and i'm simply assuming it because ppl are frequently impacted by what we can consider to be terrible things maybe at school, at home, or on social media.

secondly, abt the hypocrisy, i am just doing my job by addressing this matter as best as i can. As for those ppl, i can't stop them from doing that. If I really do take down the post related to this matter, some people would still come into her inbox, and send hate messages. I can say, that by taking down the post, it will reduce the number of hate messages she recieves, but what about emi's post? i believe emi has a lot of fans who will always check her acc and eventually, will see the posts related to tama there.

thirdly, i actually don't find it completely odd. maybe in 50% ? because i thought abt this : if they are 15 years old, and they interacted with nsfw stuffs, what's different when they're 18 years old later? Is it wrong if a 15 years old does it? and i observed a lot of opinions stating that's not good because they can't think clearly, or it can affects their lives. And i believe, they are overly concerned about the possibility of them falling into something unsuitable for their age such as s*x, is high.

fourthly, i'd like to apologize for anything i said, that may have affected some people, upset some people, or made some people think i was impolite. I'm really sorry; if i don't remove this post, people will send you negative and harsh messages, tama. I definitely need some time to think. But i believe tama is a strong girl, a strong person, and has changed. So, everyone out there, please stop sending her hate message since she' has quit writing smuts for now.

let me know what your opinions! should i remove the post? or keep it?

tagging some moots to help me decide :

@dollyhoon @amorek1m @yuvany @eunimaybe @regularsuh

@ikeuberri @chaconnenha @haerni @cupidriki @flwrstqr

@mioons @heeblurs @wonsprincess @kairoot @miumura

@sunrenity @kissofhoon @dollyrin @enhas-lvr

[zith-ipeth]

//TW I'M GONNA TALK ABOUT WEIGHT AND FOOD// What does it take? / Three years ago, today

I hate the front pages of social media

every other post is someone running away from a body I want, I see my before in their after and my after in their before. I see a girl in the mirror eating half a meal a day because "maybe I have a figure somewhere under all this skin and muscle and fat" I see a girl in my room, by my bed, by my mirror, looking at herself and saying

"I'm lucky to have a body like this, cis girls want this, I should want this"

I want to be fat... fuck that sounds stupid. would it sound stupid if someone a bit above my size said they wanted to be skinny? No you would say "Great good job get it girl" or whatever. but why is what I want not normal not healthy not ok. is it not ok because I'm at a "healthy weight"? while what if I was at that same healthy weight and said I wanted to be, say, 130 pounds. that would be an admirable, amazing, great goal. but saying that I want to be around 190 pounds, that's...

weird

maybe it's a fetish?

but you're healthy now dear...

I use to not be healthy though

I was a girl in a mirror, half a skeleton, I'm already getting into numbers so why stop now, I was 107 and 5'10. 15.4 bmi. I was...

such a pretty girl

wow you have such a shape

kinda lean muscle...

I didn't have any of that I had a BORDERLINE EATING DISORDER.

after a lot of mental work, I decided to gain weight, I started estrogen and started eating when I was hungry until I was full. I started gaining weight and at first that was scary, stretch marks were scary, and growing out of clothes was scary, I knew I wanted a type of body in the end but the between was strange and treacherous. but somebody loved my body enough for both me, and them, and eventually, after a year or two, I learned to love it.

I gained around 60 pounds, my body's mad at me still, my stretch marks are red and sensitive to the touch. but here I am, at what is medically considered a healthy weight and...

I want to gain a little more.

I've loved my body more and more the more weight I gained, so why is it that I should just stop at an arbitrary number made up by a FUCKING ASTRONOMER AND STATISTICIAN. I love having a tummy that rolls because I never used to have that, I love my thighs touching because they used to just be skin and bone, I love the hanging fat on my arms because its something magical and new and beautiful. I love how I look nude, I love my body unbound and without its drapes and wrappings, its so pretty and fun.

Now I get it, I'm not exactly facing oppression, (NOT SAYING FATPHOBIA ISN'T OPPRESSIVE, more that, I don't experience fatphobia,) I'm straight-sized as they come, but even then, I still feel weird when I wear crop tops sometimes, I still get comments when I eat a full plate of food, I still get comments when I go for seconds and I SOMEHOW EVEN AS SMALL AS I AM SOCIETY SEEMS TO SMALL FOR ME.

So I guess that's it, I want to be fat because I view that body type positively, it's not fetishistic it's not a kink it's just a goal, like losing weight. I want to be fat because the way my body would feel, the way I would move, would dress, would live, would be better for me

I think.

And like fuck it if im wrong whatever, my body is as moldable as it will ever be, I can just go back to where I am now.

But I dont think I want to

I hate to watch people run away from what I run towards, as if its scary, as if it's gross. Equally, I find it painful to watch people run toward what I ran away from as if it's innately more beautiful, more divine

Youre beautiful, and if you want to change yourself that's beautiful too, but sometimes I feel bad for flinching over peoples individual changes and choices. its just painful to watch sometimes, I guess. Painful to look at someone and see a mirror image of how you thought, and who you were

three years ago,

today