#im still considering if i should post this on other social media

[kaiserouo]

come here rhino

[whimsyprinx]

I feel like now is a good time to announce that I’m in the process of moving blogs! Im doing so for a few reasons, the main one being paranoia, so for that reason I won’t be saying my new urls publicly so like please dm me if you’d like my new url so you can follow me there! I’ll be reblogging this post a lot so ppl can see it (so sorry if you get annoyed by that)!

I’m also remaking my discord account as well so if we’re friends on there then feel free to message me for my new username!

friends and mutuals please do reblog so shared friends/mutuals have a higher chance seeing it!

[3416]

contemplating making a whole separate blog to basically act as a 1634 primer instead of the written out ones i have... is that psychotic or am i onto smth---

[drchucktingle]

a moment to check the gears and cogs

feel like i want to talk a little on the message of a recent post because i think it is an important point. when i say that you do not need to QUALIFY OR DEFEND your love of tinglers or my work in general, i am pointing out an interesting social anomaly that happens with my art and with queer art.

as an autistic buckaroo i notice patterns, and on social media i see them a lot. little phrases that come up again and again with my art. ‘yes THAT chuck tingle’ ‘its ACTUALLY good’ ’my favorite author i have never read’ ‘so bad its good’. these are always added after a POSITIVE comment about me

they also all have something in common. they are trying to distance the posters SINCERE JOY and give them an out socially. it is very very very subtle, but they are all saying ‘yes i like this but here is a sliver of acknowledgment that it is also weird or bad or ironic. in not REALLY fully in'

essentially these are added because it means the poster can escape their very real joy if needed. try applying these phrases to any other popular author. its much more subtle with the first two: ‘i liked all fours by miranda july, yes THAT miranda july. its ACTUALLY good’. what does this imply?

the other examples are a little more blatant but lets try them with other authors anyway. imagine saying ‘youre my favorite author i have never read’ to stephen king. would you EVER say that to someone? what does that imply? how about 'i love your books theyre so bad theyre good'. horrifyingly rude

lets dive into saying 'CHUCK TINGLE is my favorite author i have never read’ sounds unusual when substituting other authors because theyre usually not queer or autistic or making outsider art. to be blunt, why CHUCK gets it all the time is because it really means 'i like chuck tingle but im not gay’

while we have mostly culturally evolved past the idea that saying ‘no homo’ is some kind of joke, that FEELING is still around. it has just burrowed a little deeper. honestly it might never go away, or at least take centuries. remember these people GENUINELY LIKE MY BOOKS but feel they MUST qualify

should also be pointed out that LEFT and LIBERAL people are the ones who say this stuff to chuck. they do not MEAN to harm, and if you ask them directly how they feel about queer or neurodivergent people they would not express the same opinion as their subliminal comments might imply

the final elephant trotting by is while some of this is homophobia and fear of a neurodivergent other, it is also just plain old IRONY POISONING. its conditioning from being raised on an internet where sincerity was ‘cringe' and loving something was a weakness or joke. these problems work in tandem

so whats the point? what can we do? first of all, just recognizing these patterns is a start. i didnt HAVE to write all of this today but i think its important to be aware and to look inward and think about the gears and cogs that churn behind the things we say. NEXT step is trying to push past it

if you have done these things in the past, i want you to know i am NOT AT ALL UPSET. i am not mad or hurt and i do not think any less of you. you can trot by my side any day and you are trying your best to prove love. we are ALL just tryin our best, just consider this a friendly chat between buds

proving love can happen in BIG WAYS and it can happen in SMALL WAYS that we barely see. just take a moment and think ‘WHY am i saying this? WHY am i in this pattern to distance myself from outsider or queer art?’ a little moment of consideration goes a LONG way buckaroos. LOVE IS REAL

[kolbalissh]

Hi, i gotta get this out here as soon as i can so here goes

so apparently someone didnt like my art (specifically the recent alecca drawing which as of now ive privated) and went off to some third grade f1 gossip cesspool instagram page and dropped my drawing down there and theyre basically publicly shaming my blog and my art specifically the rpf content

which is why im making this post as a refresher on what rpf actually is - real people fiction - key word FICTION

please for the love of god, understand that with any fandom space comes creation and that it comes in multiple forms of art writing music and so forth, and rpf has been a subculture of this specific f1 fandom for a LONG ASS TIME the most dated first f1 rpf fic goes back to literally mika/michael on ao3 in like 2002

us making this sort of content doesnt MEAN that we actually think of these drivers in this light, because that is the line that NONE of us should cross

how is it any different if one ships a driver with a model or a influencer, than us shipping them with another driver? in both cases it is still the 'real people' clause so why is one okay and the other 'vile and disgusting' (quoted exactly from the story they posted abt my art btw)

some part of me knows its not that deep, because it really isnt we all just want to support our favourite teams and drivers and have fun in this fandom space together and follow basic fandom etiquette, if you dont like, then dont interact, something i myself have been doing ever since i started liking formula 1

but another part of me knows that i shouldnt be getting shit online for stuff that i make for my small community of people, where we genuinely mean no harm and if it bothers you, then thats a personal issue of yours

rpf has been a long running subculture for decades now, it has certain moral boundaries that we all follow here and none of us cross it so its really disheartening to see that the stuff i made being plastered across on ig as dehumanising and fetishising, because the intention behind my art is nothing but of support and joy

and lastly i just wanna say, that if ur an active tumblr user and if my (in my opinion, very lowkey art compared to regular tumblr content) is getting you this worked up then u should consider changing social medias lmao

[senpazzi]

Hi I noticed you were looking for requests! Would you please consider a Jaehyun or Johnny fic were they are a single father and mc requires them to fake date in order to please her family at like a wedding event or something similar. You don’t have to fufill my request of not but thanks for reading

-🥳 anon

ofc! i love that, imma tweak it up a bit :), also since i love this idea im gonna post this in parts, so enjoy pt.1

ps: pls read the authors note at the end <3

warning: angsty/fluff

UPDATE: part two found here

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

“What?” you asked out in a confused tone, staring at your best friend since college. She was getting married soon, to her long lover since freshman year, Derrick. You met her through a mutual friend, Johnny Suh, and his girlfriend at the time. The entire friend group was inseparable and you guys stuck out your entire undergrad together until Johnny moved back to Chicago with his girlfriend shortly after graduation.

You and your friend sat in the cafe, her face tussled with confusion and frustration. “I’m sorry Y/N, but we can’t rent out the venue unless it’s full, you have to find a date or a plus one. Please, I want this garden, I can’t have it any other way. Please!” she solemnly looked down at your furrowed face. You haven’t been on a date in at least a year or so, so caught up with your career as a nurse. Your best friend is the only person who stuck it out with you for so long. When you shut out the world, left almost everyone. She didn’t budge. You knew you owed her one.

You sighed and began to think. Where could you find someone in time? You sighed before nodding your head, looking across the table at your best friend with a soft smile. “I promise, I’ll find someone, maybe I can call someone from like work?” you said to her, thinking heavily once again. Your friend looked at you with a sheepish grin, eyes barely meeting yours.

“Well Y/N, you know Johnny is single now, and Derrick wants him at the wedding too. Maybe we could arrange something?” she softly suggested not wanting to pry too much. Her fiancé Derrick and Johnny were inseparable. Of course, Derrick would want him there. You guys would’ve been the perfect group if you and Johnny ended up together, but of course, you were too caught up in your studies to focus on a relationship. Understandably causing Johnny to date another girl. Stephanie.

Your eyes were shocked. You’ve followed Johnny on social media sites, and last time you checked, he was engaged and had a baby girl with Stephanie. “What?” you shockingly asked as if your ears deceived you. “Why on, what the fuck? When did they break up? Don’t they have a kid?” you jumbled out at your best friend who swiftly grabbed your hands carefully strumming at the back of them.

“Hey! Y/n, Don’t worry, you still have a whole month to work everything out with him, i’m sure he would love to talk to you and explain himself to you. Here, I’ll give you his number,” your best friend assured. She knew everything about the major crush Johnny had on you at the time, and as much as you wanted to return that love, you couldn’t.

The next day, you returned home from your night shift at the hospital sluggish and drained. Still too timid to even text the number, let alone have you thought of what to say. You couldn’t bring yourself to text him. At least not in this state. A shower and a proper breakfast should do enough for you to think properly and get yourself prepared for this conversation.

After your well-deserved hot shower, you made a glass of orange juice and some bacon and toast for breakfast, eating at your small coffee table while scrolling along your phone. You looked at the contact, threatening to press the green phone icon to call the number. You took a deep breath. “You got this Y/n, just ring him,” you encouraged yourself before dialing the number.

Johnny’s phone rang, and his 3-year-old daughter, Katie adjacent to him on the rug playing with her baby dolls while watching a cartoon. He picked up the unfamiliar contact before holding the phone to his ear. “Hello?” he curiously called out.

Your heart dropped. He sounded the same, just as you remembered. His sweet tone of voice. Your memories flooded back of all the rants you gave to him, all the parties you went to, all the projects you shared. Everything. Rushing back like they never left. “Uhm, Johnny? Hi, it’s Y/n from college,” you sheepishly responded with a timid smile.

Johnnys' eyes widened. “Woah, what the, oh my God it’s so good to hear your voice. I’m sorry I haven’t reached out in so long you know, things have been so crazy,” he excitedly turned to get up away from his seat on the rug to go to the kitchen. Still keeping an eye on Katie, but far enough where she wouldn’t be into his conversation.

You smiled like an idiot. Giggles threatened to escape your lips. “Fuck, no you’re fine! I’m just a workaholic, always been. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to reach you. How’s your baby? How’s your job? How’s Stephanie,” you jumbled out forgetting the detail that Stephanie wasn’t in his life anymore.

Johnny’s eyes faltered at the mention of Stephanie, sighing a bit before answering her questions. “My baby, she’s not so much of a baby anymore. Her name is Katie, she just turned 3 last month,” he happily responded speaking about his lovely daughter. “She’s growing up so fast, it’s breaking my heart,” he teased before thinking about his job. “My job, yeah I’m in real estate which is so random, but it’s great money and great hours. I get a lot of time to myself and my baby girl,” he continued, leaning against his kitchen counter. “And uhm, yeah me and Stephanie aren’t together anymore. She’s back in Chicago, I moved back to the city a year ago actually. I live by the campus actually,” he admitted solemnly. “I guess she just wasn’t feeling the domestic life. Didn’t argue in court or nothing, gave me full custody of Katie, and just left us,” he bluntly told you.

Your eyes widened shocked. They were lovebirds, it’s like they were inseparable all those years. “God, Johnny I’m so sorry, I just. Wow,” you were at a loss of words. Johnny was a great guy, who could just leave him? Girls almost fought over him a few years ago, and the one girl who had a chance left him for dust. “I didn’t know you moved back to town, if we can, we should meet up you know I’d love to talk to you?” you shyly asked carefully piecing together your proposition. “Bring your daughter if you’d like, I’d love to meet her!” you suggested.

Johnny’s giggle rang through the phone. “I’d love that Y/n. Tell me the time and the place and I’ll be there,” he told you as he briefly looked up to see Katie asleep on the rug holding her toy to her chest. “I have to go put Katie to bed, but I’ll save your number and text you. I’ll see you soon okay?” he asked as he made his way to his daughter.

“Of course Johnny! See you then,” you said before hanging up to the phone politely. You sighed to yourself strumming your fingers through your hair.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Later that week, you sat in the local park at a bench with a lunchbox filled with drinks, sandwiches, and fruits waiting for Johnny. You two agreed on this location because one, there was a playground for Katie to play at. And two, you and your college friend group used to visit this park for school activities and late nights out constantly, it was a peaceful memory.

“Y/n?” you heard your name called from a tall man with beautiful thick black hair, holding a brown-eyed chubby-cheeked girl on his hip walking towards you. “Johnny!” you exclaimed jumping from the bench and making a slight jog to meet him with a beaming smile. “It’s so good to see you! This must be Katie!” you expressed as you lowered yourself to make eye contact with the toddler, waving at her.

The little girl waved shyly before looking up at her dad. “May I go play please?” she asked with a soft lisp and begging hands. Johnny nodded and set her down on the ground. “Stay where I can see you please Katie,” he asked softly before he received a soft nod from the girl as she ran to play with the other children. Johnny sighed and looked at you, every inch of you. “You look beautiful, it’s wonderful to see you Y/n,” he complimented before he began to walk with you back to the picnic table.

You shyly nodded and looked at him with soft eyes. “Thank you, you too Mr. Suh,” you graced before sitting at the table to offer him some of the snacks you brought. “So, our best friends are getting married! I’m so excited!” you brought up innocently, looking up to read his expression as you sipped on one of the waters you brought. Johnny had a meek smile, nodding slowly. “Yeah, I’m not going through it’s just too much going on really,” he admitted to you. Your face faltered. “What? Johnny why not,” you pretended to act curious knowing the real reason.

“The venue I guess has like a rule, max capacity or nothing but they don’t want kids at their wedding. Katie can’t even be my plus one,” he scoffed a bit as he bit into a turkey sandwich that was in the cooler. You looked down a bit toying with your fingers before bringing your eyes up to him. “Well, my best friend said it would be great if we go, you know. I know things happened between you and Stephanie but maybe, we could be each other's date? So we could just be at the wedding?” you asked shyly trying to meet his lowered gaze.

Johnny shook his head softly. “I don’t know Y/n, Derrick asked me to be his best man, and I’m assuming you’re the maid of honor. Would it look weird? I mean us walking together, being across from each other? I know it’s been a while since we’ve spoken but like, would it be awkward? I know you didn’t feel a certain way about me a year ago and I know you definitely can’t now. It would be bittersweet for me,” Johnny confessed before thinking twice about what he said

You scoffed lightheartedly. “Johnny, I never felt any weird way against you in college. I mean, of course, I liked you but I never held it against you for dating Steph,” you assured rolling your eyes as you noticed his expression perk up. “What do you mean you liked me?” Johnny asked curiously.

“You said you couldn’t focus on a relationship and then ghosted us all after we graduated, you didn’t see me before I left, you didn’t congratulate me on my engagement, you didn’t congratulate me until a week ago about Katie,” he rambled out before taking a deep breath to calm himself. “I’m not trying to be mad but, even if you didn’t want to be with me, you didn’t make an effort to be my friend Y/n… that hurt. I loved you, you were my best friend and I felt abandoned,” he confessed before dropping his sandwich back into the ziplock bag.

You sighed and ran your hands nervously down your thighs alleviating the sweat that was forming. You looked guilty. You were guilty. You shut out your best friends for years. You shut out Johnny for years. You knew you messed up. “I know. But it never meant I didn’t like or love you. I just, I was scared. I wanted to go to med school, you wanted to settle down. I know this is personal, but I want us to be at the wedding and I want us to be there together, we can work everything out until then and you know hopefully be close again. Let’s just pretend. I get you’re upset but don’t you think this is deeper than just us?” you pleaded with a gleam of tears forming in your eyes. You knew Johnny had every right to be upset. His world was crumbling and you didn’t do anything to help.

He sighed deeply before looking up at you. “Okay, let’s do this wedding. I’ll talk to Derrick, and we can work something out between us. But, I don’t want to be back in your life if this happens again. You leave and you call me up because you need my help. A friendship works both ways Y/n,” Johnny bluntly told you.

You shyly nodded. “I understand Johnny, I apologize. I’m so sorry, I would never in a million years want to do that to someone I love. Not you, I won’t hurt you again,” you promised reaching your hand over the table to hold his. He grasped your hand and strummed his thumb over your palm.

“I’ll hold you to it,”

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Authors’ Note:

sorry, this was obviously rushed but part 2 will be soon and it will be a FULL fic w/ angst and smut🙏, i’m getting back to all requests so please be patient w/ me. i love the support, keep reblogging and commenting! it’s my biggest motivation!

If you’re feeling generous, you should buy me a coffee ☕️.

love, mei~

[angelicdanvers]

BREATHE DEEPER | five.

a charlie bushnell x fem!reader social media fic.

levizmiller

liked by y/n, dior.n.goodjohn, leahsavajeffries, and others

levizmiller — she won at pool. again.

tagged | y/n

y/n hey at least we got drinks ↳ levizmiller true ↳ walker.scobell YOU CAN DRINK??? ↳ y/n technically yes BUT i settle for virgins

dior.n.goodjohn best duo loading?! ↳ levizmiller YES

user i lowk shipp ↳ user2 nah they prob friends ↳ user3 ay no need to speculate 😭

y/n

liked by levizmiller, dior.n.goodjohn, walker.scobell, and others

y/n — prep for the jumpscare at the end

tagged | levizmiller

levizmiller 😭

walker.scobell i wanna be your age ↳ y/n in like five years buddy

walker.scobell also levizmiller your physique is ELITE ↳ levizmiller thank you walker :)

leahsavajeffries YOU GUYS ARE SO COOL ↳ y/n that’s our goal >:)

iamcharliebushnell hope ur having fun! ↳ y/n thanks!

dior.n.goodjohn YOURE SO HOT ↳ y/n BABES YOU ALL YOU

user2 not charlie becoming less and less consistent ↳ user4 fr man this is sad

GALILEO’S GALS

forbidden child added cutie patootie

↳ HI ARYAN OKAY SO UH I NEED YALLS HELP i think you guys were right

cutie patootie aw what’s wrong?

chanel’s enemy uh oh

↳ yeaaah so is charlie mad at me??? for hanging out with levi?

lee lee he shouldn’t be, he doesn’t have a reason to because even tho all of us are close it’s still your life yk

chanel’s enemy i second that, and if he does that also means SOMETHING if yk what i mean

dr dre im not even gonna sugarcoat, his comment seems so passive 😭

↳ welp i’ve screwed up big time 😃

cutie patootie i mean he’s okay around walker and i. he did keep talking about you at one point last night when we were watching moon knight literally made us pause the ep and just spoke of you

chanel’s enemy BRO UR GONNA HAVE TO SAY MORE ELSE WE’LL JUST ASSUME HE’S GOT A CRUSH ON HER

cutie patootie idk bro it just seemed to me that he missed her a lot. he kept saying how he wanted to take her to egypt esp a restaurant by the pyramids considering y/n still hasn’t been and other places

chanel’s enemy ong he deffo should if he likes her, he should actually ask her out before anyone else does take her to a nice lil restaurant, get her flowers, whatnot

cutie patootie yeah fr

↳ yall pls tell me youre not speculating he likes me

dr dre omfg Y/N ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION TO ANY OF THESE DETAILS

↳ yes but im choosing to ignore them for the sake of my sanity

lee lee GIRL HE PROBABLY LIKES YOU IF IT ISNT THAT, THEN ITS BECAUSE WALKER SAID LEVI’S PHYSIQUE WAS GREAT AND HE ONLY EVER USED TO SAY THAT TO CHARLIE

↳ YEAH BUT CHARLIE’S MATURE

dr dre is he tho guys do dumb shit when they like a girl

↳ he doesnt like me 😭

cutie patootie ANYWAYS i'd keep my eyes and ears open if i were you, y/n, you definitely didn’t screw up but if you're worried abt charlie maybe just be a tad bit more careful?

↳ gotcha, no more levi posts then?

chanel’s enemy i mean ofc you can post him, it shouldn't be anyone's business as to who you're posting, but idk it's so hard to explain like don't get me wrong i think you should post whomever you wish but hopefully it won't hurt anyone. i mean you're not with anyone controversial so it shouldn't be a big deal anyways, plus if someone cough charlie cough can't fess up their feelings it's on THEM not YOU

↳ i definitely get that, thank you for the insight you guys :) it’s just tough because i really don’t know how i feel either

chanel’s enemy WAIT WHAT i did NOT expect that response

↳ i can't help it idk my emotions are all over the place right now

chanel’s enemy GIRL YOURE NOT A BOP STOP ACTING LIKE ONE

↳ RIGHT SORRY 💀 K PLEASE HELP THO

cutie patootie okok miss y/n do you, or do you not, have a crush on levi?

↳ i do not

chanel’s enemy okok MISS y/n l/n would you rather be MRS. y/n bushnell?

↳ DIOR WTF MAN

dr dre well THAT got a reaction out of her

↳ ugh but he's cute and he’s so sweet and he’s so charming too he texts me every morning no matter what timezone i’m in and he gave my mom flowers when he first met her too he’s so smart, both emotionally and intellectually like doing math with him is just >>>>

lee lee girl. GIRL.

chanel’s enemy LMFAOOO MATH 💀 she down bad BAD

dr dre you see there’s a river in egypt…

cutie patootie AND YOU STILL THINK THIS IS PLATONIC??

↳ OKAY OKAY fuck i like charlie don’t i

chanel’s enemy OH YOU DO YOU DEFINITELY DO

cutie patootie YOU LITERALLY WORRY ABOUT HOW HE FEELS ABOUT YOU ABOUT THE PEOPLE YOU HANG OUT WITH YOU'RE DOWN BAD N/N

↳ aw shit man WHAT DO I DO

chanel's enemy MAKE A SUBTLE MOVE ASAP

lee lee HANG OUT WITH HIM SOON

dr dre MAKE A SHORT FILM

cutie patootie YES THATS PERFECT

↳ guys this is too hard i dont like this

chanel's enemy STFU YOU WILL DO THIS WE ARE HERE BAE 💪

↳ OKOK LOVE YOU GUYS LEMME TRY THIS OUT

— taglist.

@shokocoded @istillremeberthefirstfallofsnow @surftrips @svtsimp22 @thames-fig @captainshischier @reggieslifeboat @multifandom-loser @wheelerslover @mermaid-mqtel @randomnpc456 @kaithoughs @isab3lita @mariposa555 @sunshinessky @myr-cheri @thedeadlynights @ella33 @c1nn4mng1rl @poppysrin @breadbrobin @lucy-the-ant @jules-loves-lukecastellan @taloulalila @tom-pls-fuck-me @mia-luvs @iknowyoureabigfan @rinisfruity14 @chasebeth @auttumnsayshi @prettygirlformula @alwayswndr @balletfilmss @kestisvrse @1forthemoney2forthekish @eissaaaa @emelia07 @toffytaste @soulaires @bearwon @happy-mushrooms @simrah1012 @blimp-blimp @obxstiles @yuminako @hopexcroc @mackycat11 @knowugetdejavu @0puddleofgender0 @callsignwidow @i-heart-emos @eddiesdrummergf @suckerforblondies @homebyeleven @bookworm-center @kawliflo @https-evan2 @ihrtzku @strawberryapplesauce13 @captainshischier @vbbaby-girl @honeysmoonn @itssmandiee @kinderwh0r3 @willsdills @americanbluebirdrb @bokutos-biddys @ln4author @lqclercs @czennieszn @laveens-pearl @inlovewithcarsthatrunreallyfast @aerangi @taygrls @ilamara @hanjiiberry

hi my loves! i am so so sorry for disappearing for a bit, school was getting horrible during the second semester and i found very little motivation. i rested all of july and i am hoping to update this series, along with posting a luke one i've written for the past few months, throughout this month! i think i've mostly tagged all the people that requested to be a part of the taglist, forgive me if i missed you or tagged you twice.

how are you guys doing?

please stay safe and drink water, i'm proud of you <333

[teslasucks37]

hey so Jinx is extremely problematic. im sure you could find a lot more on it on twitter, but she very openly followed CP artists up until someone called her out on it.

I don’t like getting serious on here cause Tumblr is supposed to be a nice space where I can just like my fanfics and have my interests but here we go.

Honestly, I’ve done a deep dive on them and I find everything people have said about them very suspicious. From what I’ve seen, the only semi-problematic people that they followed were just people that were drawing people that looked similar to Charlie, which I don’t think is inherently problematic because he is literally just a brown haired man with glasses.

Additionally, the person that made that entire “call out” post on twitter seemed incredibly parasocial towards Charlie and was responding to people within the thread like they needed to protect Charlie and like he wasn’t a grown man that could make his own decisions.

Charlie has gone to large lengths to protect Jinx and leave them out of his content, even though it’s very obvious that they have gone to events with Charlie and his friends, including Moonzy, Ranboo, Phil, Condi, and probably others.

If that many people are still willing to be around them, especially people that are very in touch with the online community such as Ranboo and Moonzy, there must be something we don’t know, or Jinx was telling the truth about simply not knowing and being fairly inactive on Twitter.

Also, even if they did know, something that should be basic internet etiquette, in no way when you follow someone on twitter or on any social media in general ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU AGREE WITH AND SUPPORT EVERYTHING THAT PERSON DOES AND SAYS!!!

Charlie literally liked their response on Twitter himself, so it’s a little hypocritical to believe that Jinx is a bad person while still thinking that Charlie is fine.

ESPECIALLY WHEN CHARLIE WAS THE ONE WHO WAS SEEMINGLY “VICTIMIZED” BY THEM???

It was also incredibly suspicious that the person that made the original thread personally messaged the creator that Jinx was following, especially when they were the one making the art that was deemed so distasteful. Their correspondence seemed really weird and if they don’t like the content why would they even consider talking to them? Just to prove Jinx is a bad person?

They literally censored the account they dmed too so there’s no way of checking if those DMs are real.

Also, all of this information about them likely came from LeakTwt in the first place considering all of the “anonymous sources” so fruit of the poison tree and all that.

Also the shit Jinx was reposting was not that crazy??? Like they saw them retweet fanart of Raven (who is depicted in many different comics as being an adult) and spun that as sexualizing fanart of minors??? And also said they were sexualizing sonic in cosplay??? So many people have done that without any complaints because it’s not that weird???

There is also absolutely no reason to not believe that Jinx simply didn’t know about the CC nsfw, especially when Charlie himself and all of their friends don’t seem to care.

TLDR: If Charlie doesn’t care, then it is none of our business. We don’t really know him and their relationship is not ours to scrutinize. You cannot think that Charlie is completely innocent if you think Jinx is evil. Touch grass.

[tinyfantasminha]

I think Tumblr and other social medias have aged to become more like a community where everybody assumes they are friends with everyone (unless they disagree with them). Like as social media gets introduced to younger and younger kids every year, the sense and need of privacy is no longer there.

Now for people, someone showing their art might be akin to a friend showing their drawing to you, it becomes expected so the less detailed compliments they give.

The solution could be to make your page more professional so people dont get the idea they are your friends, since you do post things that would be considered talk between friends (like simping for jack). But i get the feeling you'd hate that since it would essentially turn your page into more of a statistics rather than a warm environment.

Im not good at wording myself so im sorry if this gives off an offending message, im trying to be objective but im not sure how it comes across.

DW, I get what you're trying to say 😔 It's annoying that more and more people in fandom nowadays seem to know little to none of fandom etiquette... and it's not just the teens, it's a worryingly amount of adults too

Creators want validation, nice comments and asks but they also want respect... one parasocial interaction which is especially common with artists and writers are the ''can you teach me how to draw/write/how to create ocs'' or by seeking validation for their own personal stuff (sending their art or pictures unsolicited so YOU specifically can feedback it, or asking you to opinion on their ocs) like..... I can see these actions may come from a genuine place, but it should be common sense that these are weird ways to start a conversation with a creator you supposedly admire. It feels intrusive and demanding.

And sometimes the intention is not even bad, it's just phrased in a demanding way that makes creators feel pressured. Rephrasing ''can you teach me how to draw/write'' with ''hello! I love your art/writing! if you don't mind me asking, could you share your creative process or maybe tips?'' makes a WHOLE difference! it's more polite and acknowledges the creator’s boundaries, making the request feel more like a compliment than a demand.

Ugh, the thing is... making the blog more ''professional'' takes away the whole point of it. Tumblr is one of the few spaces left where you can scream into the void about your interests, gush over things you love, and just exist as a person, not a content machine. Unlike algorithm-driven platforms like tiktok or twitter, in here it lets you control your space; your blog is yours to curate, to fill with weirdness, passion, and whimsy. Here, creators feel like real people, not just faceless usernames churning out "content" for engagement. I do not feel comfortable being as much personal on twitter for example, where any nosy person can QRT you being unnecessarily mean because the platform's culture prioritizes performative snark and clout over genuine creativity or connection. Tumblr was always a place for the weirdos, the cringe and the freaks, no one is here to make a brand out of themselves, it's about being authentic and having fun.

Creators should absolutely be allowed to be loose, weird, and fun here while still being respected 😔

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

would i be the asshole for contacting my ex to ask them if they could stop talking about me online to a community that knows who i am? (🥐)

tw: kinda emotionally abusive relationship

bg info

me (24f) and my ex (28) were in a three month relationship three years ago following a whole year of friendship. they were my first partner and i came out as a lesbian to everyone during our relationship. when we were together, they were 24 and i was 20. i was very emotionally dependent on them when i was 20 due to mental health issues and so were they which is probably one of the reasons why our relationship was as explosive as it was. i looked up to them, my whole emotional world revolved around them, and our friendship/relationship was the only thing i had in my life at the time. they constantly asked me "hey is it even ethical that im dating you, im 4 years older, you tell me please, oh i feel like such a bad person", yet, they still continued dating me every time they would ask.

our fights were horrible and truly explosive as they broke their stuff in front of me out of anger, threw things at me and insulted me as stupid, amongst many other things. our fights usually ensued because i would ask them for reassurance and they would start panicking and screaming at me to shut up. to be fair, i would cry every time i was asking for reassurance which probably made them feel scared about losing me, so i consider myself 50% at fault for everything that happened in our relationship, i shouldve been able to talk to them in a secure manner that wouldnt trigger their abandonment issues. our fights were quite jarring and made me walk out on them several times out of fear. yet i always came back and apologized and took the whole accountability, even though i dont consider myself the only one at fault. walking out several times during fights was probably one of the worst things i could have done but at the same time i was simply scared. even when i walked out after our last fight, they begged me to come back, which i did, i apologized under tears, and yet, told them that i cant promise them to stay no matter what.. and left.

we met through tumblr and were in a medium distance relationship. after our relationship, i went to a clinic and had to learn a lot about myself, what i experienced and what i want from life. im in a very happy and healthy place now and since the end of 2021 im with my current partner whom i want to be the love of my life and whom ive started to build a life with.

context

i have my ex blocked on all social media because they used to do hour long deep dives into my blog, even as of recently (i have statcounter installed for my safety bc im paranoid about them sending me anonymous asks). at first i also used to visit their blog after our break up but stopped doing so after moving on with my life. one year after breaking up i temporarily unblocked them and explicitly asked them not to look at my social media (or at least to do it in a way in which i dont notice aka asked them not to watch my instagram stories).

while i dont visit their blog/social media because i dont want to know whats going on in their life, tumblr mutuals frequently dm me stuff like "hey i think you should know that your ex posted about you/shit talks about something that you posted". i havent asked my mutuals to tell me whenever this happens but i imagine they do so because within the tumblr space we exist, everyone kind of knows everyone (so my ex doesnt have to mention my name for people to know who theyre talking about). sometimes mutuals send screenshots of the posts so that i dont have to visit my ex's blog. last ive heard my ex joked about throwing jewelry at me and posted extensively about a tattoo that i got. my ex's behavior makes me uncomfortable and feel just as helpless as i did back then.

why i might be the asshole

im scared that they might be venting because i was more at fault in the relationship than them and that i am unconsciously deflecting. however, i talked about every detail of the relationship and this fear extensively with my therapist, friends, and partner who are of the opinion that i was young, scared, and intertwined in a relationship that was incredibly toxic. im still unsure though because my emotions frequently triggered theirs.

why they might be the asshole

i asked them once to stop visiting my social media and i feel like venting about our relationship that broke off 3 years ago to a tumblr community of friends and acquaintances is kind of unfair. however, i might be the asshole and they might just need the space for venting. i could just ignore the vents and let them heal in their own way from what ensued.

WIBTA if i confronted them again and told them that i want them to stop talking about me online? or would i be a party pooper because every person needs a space for venting?

What are these acronyms?

[light-of-delphi]

so im very new to hellenic polytheism, and ive been seeing potential signs of dionysus reaching out to me, and im curious how i would go about reaching out to a deity. (this is my first time😭)

as in like, how do i know if they’ve accepted, and if i ask for a specific sign …. what kind of sign do i ask for??? i would like some specifics of reaching out to deities !!

Ciao, hello!! This is an awesome question and, honestly, not something I've seen or heard talked about too often! So, lets dive into it.

The Basics of Deity Work

First things first, you think a deity's reaching out to you. Before coming to this conclusion, ask yourself a few questions.

☀ Is there a different, physical reason behind these signs occurring? Or do they seem intentional / what's the pattern of these signs? ☀ Could there be a different deity reaching out to me? Or is it who I believe it is? ☀ Could this also simply be some other non-divine energy reaching out to me? Depending on the signs, you can try narrowing it down from here.

But I've reached my conclusion, and it is a deity, so what now?

In that case, congratulations! The next step would be worship if you don't already worship this deity. They could be sending you signs in an attempt to draw you in rather than outright work with you. This means you should start with the most basic form of deity work: Worship.

Consider this a crash-course on worship. Here are some tips and advice.

☀ Worship is different from devotion - you have not reached that part with your deity yet. You're in the beginning stage. Think of it as being a new hire when you've been hired to a new job. Ask your coworkers with more experience (devotees, long-time worshippers, god spouses, priests, etc.) for some advice with navigating the new job. They're going to be able to give you more specific advice. ☀ Worship does not have to be some extravagant thing involving rituals every day or invocations 24/7. It can simply be about praying, offering, and thanking. Thinking about them, remembering them, learning about them, casually. When you become a devotee (which can be on your terms or, in some cases, the deity will approach you about this), this casual worship can turn into scheduled, routine devotional practice. ☀ When worshipping, use caution. Make sure you are properly vetting and are actually communing with the right entity. Tricksters like to get involved in relationships that aren't theirs. Even trickster gods, not just trickster spirits or no-good energies. Loki pretended to be Apollo before I realized that Apollo weirdly had two energies that were completely different from one another.

Well, now I've decided / been asked to become a Devotee. What does that look like?

I'm glad you asked, buddy!! Devotion is entirely dependent on your relationship and standing with a deity. My devotion consists of a lot of sitting with my Gods, talking to them, researching them, and writing about them. I consider this blog an act of devotion and my posts are smaller acts of devotion and love.

Here's your devotion crash-course.

☀ First and foremost: Talk about them. This may be hard to do if you aren't in an accepting environment, so in this case, find another outlet. Write about them in your journal or grimoire. Start a blog or social media page dedicated to them and what they stand for. Make subtle mentions of them. Or, if you're home alone, tell the stillness of your home about them. ☀ Divination is your best friend, especially if you struggle to see and/or hear them. Divination helps with clarifying energies and helps you communicate with them directly or through a middle-man (for example, the Fox spirit I'm building a relationship with would be a middle-man between me and Apollo or Loki or any of my Gods if I don't get a response or hear back from them when I need to pass a message, and he'll return messages to me). ☀ Research them. Come up with a schedule if it helps, or try to do it whenever you're free and have enough spoons. Back when I started worshipping Apollo, it started with me just doing research on who he was. Then, when I became a devotee of his, this research began getting a lot deeper and I started learning a lot of UPG. ☀ Do things that connect to what they represent. Act and get on stage for Dionysos. Sing for Apollo. Grow and nurture plants for Demeter. Clean and tidy your house for Hestia. Save money for King Hades. Stretch your back for Hermes. Play a prank for Loki, and send someone love for Venus. Connect with the things under their rule. ☀ Honor their families and loved ones. For Apollo, I veil. Yes, in part out of devotion for him, but more recently, I do so on behalf of his mother, Leto.

At the end of the day, devotion is different between practitioners. But with that being said, let's kind of get to the point because I went on a bit of a ramble there.

Reaching out to the deity... How exactly?

This process can prove to be a tad bit vexatious simply because of the fact that it's a process of trial and error. Sometimes, deities may not immediately respond, or you may get into contact with the wrong entity, or there may be a block - anything. But the first thing you're going to want to do is invoke them.

This looks different for everyone. I've found it easiest to call them by praying to them and formally requesting their presence. But for some people, it can look like repeating their name, shaking their fists at the sky, you name it, it's probably been done. But invoking them is how it starts. Since you're just starting out, I'd recommend something more formal like lighting their candle and praying, or simply just praying to them.

After that, hold a divination session using your preferred method (mine is a tarot session!) after having cast a circle and putting up proper protections. The Old Gods have an intense energy that can throw you off, overwhelm you, or upset you, so cast a circle, veil, and do whatever you need to do to protect your energy. This may take some trial and error.

Once you get into contact with them, ask them if they're reaching out for the sake of worship, or for the sake of working with you. Ask what they'd like to help you with. Ask what they'd like in return. Ask them anything you need to clarify the boundaries and constraints of your relationship with them. Communication is key.

Finally, the conclusion.

I really do hope this helps, please don't be afraid to ask me some clarifying questions to better understand! Or, if you need a deity reading, I may be revamping my etsy to open up readings soon.... 👀👀

I hope this helps you out, and whoever happens to find this. A mi piace aiutare la gente <3 Blessed be, and may the Sun be your guide! A domani!

[real-raincode-takes]

kurumi headcanons that i've personally decided are facts

she's a massive detective fujoshi AND fudanshi. shipped johnlock obsessively before moving onto WDO rpf

before the blank week she was the top master detective x reader author on wattpad and ao3 with tons of fics that are scarily in character

REGULARLY created and posted fancams and edits featuring her favorite WDO master detectives

she draws a lot of detective yaoi and yuri but she's not confident enough in her art to post those online

when the blank week occurred, all of her WDO stan account oomfies wondered what the hell happened to her but still tried to keep the fandom afloat

true crime girlie for sure. i dont need to elaborate

before kanai ward's isolation, she had an entire blog dedicated to trying to figure out number one's identity. before he ever went to kanai ward, number one considered her to be one of his biggest ops. criminal syndicates were using her damn blog to find and try to kill him. but she's just an innocent high schooler so he left her alone. he cannot for the life of him figure out how she's finding such scarily accurate yet slightly off information about him

she knows that yuma has been killing the culprits throughout the game but has decided that only makes him more attractive

after kanai ward opened up to the world first thing she did was update her in-progress multichapter slowburn 100k+ words halara nightmare x reader fic with an author's note that says "sorry for the late update, everyone! my city was completely isolated thanks to a government conspiracy, so i had no internet connection :((( anyway, i've had plenty of time to finish this fic and several others, so be ready for some regular updates! ^w^" and then the fic comments AND the WDO stan social media go absolutely crazy

postgame kokowendy is incredibly one-sided on kurumi's part because once yuma gets his number one memories back, he is... flattered about her obsessiveness but also Very much put off by it. he still cares about her a lot though. i dont even ship kokowendy but im deeply enamored with her having a one-sided fan crush. she should be thriving as a cringey teenage girl. as god intended.

.

[buddiesbuddiess]

see what bothers me about the potential bt getting back together thing is that he doesn’t still need to be there past 8x15 (imo he doesn’t even need to be there then bc they could have just made up some background pilot character but whatever) yet we know he’s in 8x16 at the funeral, and then the possibility of him being at madney’s house in a scene with buck (from jennifer’s story) in an even later ep… it feels like the getting back together route is where they’re trying to take it

and regardless of if that means they’re endgame or this is some other convoluted “bump in the road” for buddie it’s such a clear signal from tim that he doesn’t actually listen to the audience. and i don’t mean in like a fanservice “he has to do everything the audience wants or he’s bad at his job” way, but in a literal “the audience is telling you that this storyline isn’t landing the way you think it is, and they are getting bored of it being dragged out this long when the opportunity to move it forward has presented itself over and over” way that he continues to just wave off. it doesn’t help that the cast seem to just shrug and do whatever tim wants them to (which is strange considering literally right before the hiatus os was talking about how much creative input time allows them to have on their storylines- im not talking about acting choices, i mean actual storylines- which implies they get some say in how things go), and that the journalists are too nice in their reviews (not post-ep interviews im talking like actual reviews of episodes)

and not to mention the fact that everyone on tumblr will wax on and on about how unorganized tim is and how it does negatively affect the show, but then no one is using the abc audience feedback thing, and no one on social media platforms they actually pay attention to (instagram, twitter) are actually saying anything of substance… it’s always them glazing the episode initially so it gets a high rating and then a week later they start going “hmm… that ep actually wasn’t as good as i thought it was”

im not saying that people need to be hateful of viciously attack tim/the show, but i do think that the people who criticize and critique the show need to do it outside of just tumblr if they actually want things to change, because right now- tim isn’t on tumblr, he doesn’t see the think pieces and well thought-out critiques; all he sees are the same cookie-cutter comments on every post-episode social media post that say “omg this was SUCH a GREAT episode i LOVED it!!!!” regardless of whether the ep was actually good or not

I think we should wait and see how it plays out before we start acting like BT have already got back together lol. I know we’ve been burned before but I feel like we’re fighting ghosts here rn

[anjinia]

I am new to jirai kei, but I just wanted to know some tips and other things I should be educated on in the subculture 🩷 I just don't want to come off as ignorant because Im new 🫶 so do you have any tips or things I should know? ⁠♡

TW: harmful behavior, s*x work, mentions of self-h*rm, i will try to talk about the differences, the stereotypes and the reason behind them, having the "jirai kei" as a main subject.

୨ৎ if you want to know more about the girly kei style you can ask me too!! like brand recommendations, tips on buying from japan, japanese clothes size, makeup, etc.

but please, keep in mind that:

• jirai kei 地雷系 (lifestyle) and dark girly kei (style that some of the jirai girls use) are two separated things and you can be jirai without using the style and you can use girly kei without identifying as jirai.

tl;dr: the western / social media vision of jirai is totally wrong. jirai kei in Japan isn't a style at all; jirai kei is a lifestyle that is seen as "unhealthy".

the term jirai kei came from “地雷系”. translates to “landmine-type”, not the literal meaning as “landmine”, is a japanese slang for "trigger" "red flag" “地雷を踏んだ”, meaning “i stepped on a landmine”. in reference to a person, a “landmine” is someone that’s so easily triggered over minor things that they keep exploding on others with abusive behavior, so you need to be as careful as if you were walking around a minefield.

this meaning has been around for about a decade, primarily used in dating advice articles about how to recognise “red flags” in a partner.

"but OP, it isn't a style?"

in those dating stereotypes, even the most arbitrary traits were considered red flags and wearing dark alternative fashion is already enough to have someone considered a potential landmine, the style in question is called dark girly kei. (style used by many jirai kei girls)

around 2020, jirai kei didn’t have any associations with any particular fashions or interests, but when a popular japanese makeup vlogger started a “psycho girlfriend” dress-up challenge and called the final look a landmine-type cosplay. she contributed to the stereotype that the landmine-types were often fans of dark girly fashion, every influencer was getting in on the trend, and cosplaying as a landmine-type psycho girlfriend, generally also tagging with “yandere”, then a lot of influencers did the challenge and lots of girlykei brands started to use the "jirai kei" terminology to sell more.

"why would someone call themselves jirai knowing that it means "psycho woman" in other words?? wouldn't it be romanticizing?"

popularly, there's a lot of people who call themselves jirai kei knowing about the difference of jirai & girlykei because of their mental conditions, i, myself use jirai kei to feel a little better about my mental state and to connect to other people who struggle the same as me, even if they stopped calling themselves jirai they wouldn't stop their unhealthy behavior, they're not mentally ill because of jirai, they're jirai because of their mental illness. the spaces for real mentally fucked people in the internet are so few, these people that are called "psycho bitches" exist and they shouldn't feel bad about being like this, they are the people who most struggle with all of it and it's their business if they want to call themselves it. telling people to not use the jirai kei term will not stop them to engage on harmful behavior, at the end those people are still mentally ill and have more problems than the terminology they use. might be thinking the "jirai antis" are some sort of saviors or something like that, if you really want to help those people don't blame it in the community and style they've found themselves.

all jirais don't have the same behavior even if all of them have a fucked mental state, some of them might be posting self-harm for validation, some are obsessed with their s/o, some doing sex work for attention, some of us has violent thoughts and bpd, some of us are just neurodivergent, or have depression, etc, is a form of venting/expression, and venting ≠ encouraging someone.

some info:

• the term hadn't changed its meaning, please don't act like it's some sort of "feminist movement" or even empowering.

• part the association of girly kei with harmful behavior is related to "toyoko kaiwai" (トー横キッズ) who's around Kabukicho, many of the members have been wearing various dark j-fashion styles before the "psycho girlfriend dress-up challenge" became a trend. they're credited as the reason for why those styles are associated with the landmine stereotype to begin with. they're been connected to under*ge pr*stitution, dr*g ab*se, public self-h*rm, murd*r and theft.

they are around age 9-24, (firstly known as toyoko kids, but like, there's a lot of adults in this) they're often privileged children who were convinced to get away from home by bad influences. and many members have died or been hospitalized as a result. for more info search the Japanese spelling on any japanese news site, or their signature hashtags on social media:

#/toho横界隈

#/トー横界隈

#トー横

recently, their former leader “Howl”, died by suicide while waiting in custody for a trial, (<- click for more info) -> (also here) for convincing minors to run away from home in order to “work” for him and dress in a way he finds attractive.

all these minors he "convinced" are victims, you can use the style without agreeing with this behavior and be jirai without agreeing with this, they're all manipulated children and it isn't their fault.

[catbountry]

Speaking as Straight White Male it is beyond tiring to see every minor viral social media post turn into justification for "actually this is why men are radicalized!" Like im sorry they thought the Bear was a safer option, im sorry that poisoned MnMs was something that hurt your feelings and so on but holy shit get some perspective. i had my little "Not all men!" phase too bu i was 19 or something. learn empathy, learn that "Men" is a demographic and not you personally. it always feels like some flavor of a lack of reading comprehension, like that time when there was that thing where there was a thing of people thinking toxic masculinity meant that all masculinity is toxic.

it seems so unreasonable to say "the way to stop white men from radicalization is for women and other minorities to take them by the hand and ask them to nicely consider them people" rather than "dudes need to learn to tamp down on their knee jerk reactions to group criticism and being exposed to people out of their demographic"

The fact that you were 19 years old and had that as a phase but got out of it. That's the thing I'm pointing to, and I feel like I've not done a good enough job at highlighting that as my point. It's not even about a lack of reading comprehension, I think a lot of people who retreat to the internet for most of their socialization are more likely to be lonely and recruited. How many fucking Twitter memes do we need to have of people reading far too much into innocuous statements to prove that yeah, it is a lack of reading comprehension, but a lack of reading comprehension is not something that happens in a vacuum. And there are people who are very eager to sell people bad ideas based on those misconstrued readings because they speak to a feeling of disenfranchisement.

When I talk about this sort of thing, it's in a preventative way. Most people don't arrive at being a moral and righteous person all on their own; usually they fuck up along the way, have to apologize, readjust their views with new information and new perspectives. Having been in anti-SJW spaces, and having that phase last far longer than I'm comfortable with... I wouldn't have gotten out if I hadn't had people who liked me push back on some of the dumb shit I was saying. Granted, I was not some kind of neo-Nazi; I was an edgelord and a transmedicalist who constantly felt like Padme in that one Star Wars meme; the one of her in the field with Anakin. It was a lot less of a leap to come to a lot of the views I hold now. But if those people around me had all cut me off? Who fucking knows how much worse I could have gotten? Who even knows if I'd still be alive, typing this right now? I got into those spaces in the first place because people proclaiming themselves to be progressive were bullying my friends and I, on top of me being depressed and then traumatized by losing my dad. I was a fucking mark.

I'm not coming at this from the angle of "oh, if we just hug and kiss all the horrible Nazis they'll realize how righteous we are, uwu," I'm coming at it from the perspective of wanting to be the kind of person I had around me that got me out to people who were in similar positions to myself. I'm not seeking these people out. I have no desire to do that. Hell, I don't even think most people should do this, but because of my own personal experiences... I at least have to try if I'm having an otherwise benign conversation with someone and they say something off. I at least want to see if they're just speaking out of ignorance and they're not really all that married to these ideologies, in which case they could be rehabilitated, or if they're just fully on board with the fascist incel shit, in which case I can't do shit for them.

I want to be the kind of person for people that I wish I had around me that could have helped get me out sooner. And if they don't want my help? Fuck 'em. I want to try and make up for some of the damage I did because it feels like the least I could possibly do. And if that means steering someone away from that pipeline before they reach the point of no return just through a pretty casual encounter through just being stupidly patient and nice? I'll try, because that's just the type of person I am. Forget everything I said about suggesting other people doing this because doing this has burnt me more times than I can count. But I think I have helped keep some guys normal, even if it's only in a very small way.

You can think that I'm stupid or naive for even bothering. I don't care. But I'm still friends with former KF people who helped me get out and we support each other. It's a lot easier to learn empathy when it's demonstrated to you.

I'm sorry, I just... this subject touches on a lot of very personal stuff for me. It's why I even bother with it in the first place.

[mikachacha]

𝙰𝚕𝚕 𝚃𝚘𝚘 𝚆𝚎𝚕𝚕 (𝙱𝚊𝚍𝚊 𝙻𝚎𝚎 𝚡 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛) 𝙿𝚝. 4

Synopsis: Bada has been treating you bad but she doesn't wanna lose you so she does everything she could possibly pull off to get you back.

Warnings: angst, manipulation, gas lighting, love bombing, toxic behaviours and relationships, cursing. this is just one heavy thing so please be advised

(A/N: im still in awe that i was able to reach four damn chapters of this considering how lazy I am 🤧)

Prologue | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 |

Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Bada came home, a bit tired and she noticed something was off. The apartment was quiet and there wasn't any sign of you. Her heart began to pound when she called your name but there was no response. She ran to your shared bedroom and all of your belongings are no longer there. She frantically looked around but you were long gone. She tried texting you, calling you but you weren't answering. Her calls would just go straight to your voicemail. At that point, Bada felt lost. She's lost since you weren't there with her. She doesn't know what to do.

"No.. No.. I can't.. I can't lose you.." Bada could only pace around the apartment, trying to get a hold of you, your friends or anyone who might be in contact with you but to no avail. So Bada did what Bada does best, play the sad girlfriend who's desperate to find you and tell people that you left after a huge misunderstanding. She was desperate and she knows you too well that you really don't like way too much attention from other people and you really dislike having people meddling with your relationship and personal life.

Bada posted on her social media about being so sad that you left her without even saying goodbye. How she came home and you were no longer there along with your things. How you didn't give her a chance to even make up for everything and you just suddenly disappeared. Of course, people believed her. Even your family and friends did. Bada really knows how to get you back and she's not gonna stop until you come running back to her.

You tried to live your life the way you used to without Bada but it seems like you really can't escape her. It's like everyone and everything you do is pointing you back to her. You felt trapped. You didn't know what to do. So after almost a week of hiding from her, you finally messaged her to meet you at the park where she took you on a date once. You tried to brace yourself but when Bada came and she hugged you, you felt your walls crumbling down. You were crying. You were in despair, you were broken, you were scared. So many emotions hitting you all at once and Bada took advantage of your vulnerability.

"Baby.. I know things didn't go well between us but please.. Please give me this one last chance to make things better. You still love me, right? You still want to be with me, right? Want me to make things better for us? Want me to make this all stop?" Bada coos and stroked your hair while you sobbed in her arms. You wanted to say no, you wanted to get away from her, you wanted to tell her to go fuck herself because you're through but it seems like you couldn't find it in yourself to do it. You just nodded and Bada couldn't help but smile. She knew how to get you back, she knows you too well and she's gonna make sure that you won't be leaving her again any time soon.

That night, you came back home again. You were too tired to refuse, too tired to argue, too tired with everything. Bada began to treat you real well again. Spoiling you, making sure to make you feel special again and making sure that you're seen with her everywhere she goes. You should be happy but it made you feel so much worse. When will this go back to being bad? When will she stop caring again? When will she stop 'loving' you again?

Bada would cook you meals, take you out on dates and buying you things. She's also bringing you to all of her works just so she could keep an eye on you. You hated it but what else can you really do at this point? You just pretended that nothing's wrong, that everything's perfect between you and Bada. Maybe if you pretend enough, you can fool yourself as well into believing that everything's fine. That Bada truly loves you and that your relationship will be fixed. Though what she's showing you now scares you. When will it end? When will she stop showing that she cares? When will she make you feel that you're an idiot believing that she actually loves you? Those thoughts kept plaguing your mind and won't let you sleep at night.

"I'm glad you and Bada are back together now.. You guys look so perfect!" one of Bada's friends said as you sat at the back, watching Bada teach her class and you wanted to snap, you wanted to scream, you wanted everyone to realize that no, you're not glad that you got back together. You wanted to run away, you wanted to escape this nightmare that you're going through. But you can't. Because Bada has painted herself as the good person. The amazing partner who is madly in love with you, who's willing to take you back even if you left her, the person who's willing to give you the whole world just to have you back. And then you'll be this ungrateful bitch who took such amazing person for granted and everyone will hate you.

"Yeah.. I'm glad as well.." you said, looking away as you felt yourself tearing up from your own words. You felt crushed by your own lie that you oh so desperately wanted to believe.

It went on like that for months. You being the never needy, ever lovely jewel that shine reflects on Bada. You're like the perfect girlfriend for Bada that's always there supporting her and being loved by Bada but only if they knew what happens inside the apartment you shared with her. There were times she's sweet and there are times that she made you feel like you're the most useless human being in the world and that you're only there because of Bada.

"Y/N go make me something to eat. I'm starving." Bada ordered as you were cleaning around the living room. You hated it when she's not working. She's just horrible towards you and you're sick of it.

"Why don't you make your own damn food? I'm not your fucking slave and I'm tired of you treating me like crap whenever no one's around!" you yelled and slammed the mop on the ground and Bada chuckled coldly, standing up and stood in front of you. You were supposed to cower before when she did that but not today. All the anger and emotions that you've bottled for months is finally about to burst.

"Oh yeah? Then why are you still here? You could've left me, Y/N. You could've went back to the states the first time you left but you didn't because deep down, you still need me. You can't live without me. Let's face it, you're bound to be just a pretty little thing to keep me company until I finally get tired of you and discard you. But even after that, you'll still chase me around because you're just like that, Y/N. And will always be like that." Bada's words felt like being stabbed, shot, zapped and ran over all at once. Even if you deny it, her words still held some truth to it.

"Yeah, I still love you, Bada! Still so damn in love with you even if you hurt me, even if you keep breaking me like those damned promises you told me. But I'm done. I'm so done with you, so done with this relationship, so done with all your bullshits!" tears were streaming down your face but there's this burning determination inside you that Bada can't put out even with those words. You're determined to leave, you're determined to put yourself first. You want to help yourself out and away from this relationship to which you did exactly.

You pushed past her and went to grab and pack all the belongings that are important and you can carry. You pushed past her when she tried to stop you from leaving. You are so done and you didn't want to be her pretty little toy anymore. It all ends today. It all ends now. You didn't care if you were wearing your pajamas to the airport. You didn't care if you had to spend a lot of money just to get a ticket to go back to the states. You didn't care about the cameras being pointed your way, taking pictures and videos of you looking so disheveled for them to post and share on social media. All you cared about is you, and the feeling of being free from Bada's clutches.

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