#im starving but too proud to ask for money

[spirit-praise-and-beauty]

venting in tags again dont rb

[switchysyphus]

Hunger kink fantasy - it’s super long oops

If you want to read it I’d appreciate it but if you don’t TLDR - my partner keeps me from having food all day, keeping me starving

I am allergic to some foods and generally am a really picky eater. In this situation I do have a partner and am working as a teacher.

Before falling asleep I make sure that my alarm is set for 7am since it’s a Monday morning but my partner has other plans. They secretly wake up before me and turn my alarm off. At 7:35am they wake me saying things like “babe! I thought you were awake! You have to leave for work in 10 mins.. come on wake up!” I drag myself out of bed and change quickly. I think maybe my partner has made me breakfast and I can eat in the car but he didn’t make me anything and it’s too late for me to make myself breakfast.

I teach my morning two classes while being a little hungry but used to not eating for 10-12 hours. During snack time while the kids are eating I try to go to the canteen to grab a snack but another teacher comes to me in a frantic rush saying that there is a problem with the printer and she desperately needs worksheets printed for her class in 10 minutes so I go with her to help her print her copies.

Oh well I think lunch is in an hour I can wait. The hour passes and finally it’s lunch time! I go to the staff room fridge and realise that I forgot to bring my packed lunch cuz I was rushing in the morning! I remember that I still have some money on my card that I can pay for lunch at the canteen! When I go down tho the card reader says it’s at zero so I have to put back the food I took! At this point I am starving… I try to order food but as I am about to press order my teacher friend reminds me that we aren’t allowed to order food cuz we need to set good example for the kids. I’m all out of options by now and soo hungry.

I just remind myself it’s only another 3 hours before I can go home and eat. I text my partner and tell him how hungry I am cuz I had to skip breakfast AND lunch! They say “oh you poor thing! Why don’t we go to that nice restaurant for dinner? You can fill your tummy with all the good food there!”

The hours pass slowly while I teach, soon enough the final bell rings so I can go home yay! By the time I come home it’s almost 4pm, starving I go to look in the fridge and there is nothing!

Partner chimes in and says “oh I cleared the fridge, I ate up the leftovers and threw away the expired stuff! Aren’t you so proud of me?”

I nod and say “I’m starving! Would you mind if we just order some pizza?”

They respond with “I’m not hungry babe, we will go to that lovely restaurant at 7 I already made the booking. I hope you don’t mind I invited some friends!”

I groan and say “ I havnt eaten since last night dinner! Is there really NOTHING I can eat now? Not even a small snack?”

They say “no baby, that homeless shelter needs snacks and you have a whole cupboard full of snacks so I donated them all… yes even the Cheetos and popcorn. Come let’s watch a movie to distract your hungry tummy!”

So we watch a Disney movie and they rubs my tummy which has started to growl, I curl up into them and hope that the times goes quickly. By 6:30pn partner tells me to go get ready and to dress pretty so I go shower and change starving at this point cuz it’s been almost 24 hours without any food. I get ready and they say “you look so thin in that dress baby, it looks so big on you!” I smile and nod. We leave for my favourite restaurant and as we are in the car they say oh shoot I forgot to tell you that “Daniel wanted to go for sushi for his birthday dinner so I couldn’t say no now could I? It’s HIS birthday after all!”

I start to cry cuz they know I don’t eat sushi and im allergic to the ginger and soya sauce they use. I ask if they can just turn around and drop me home but they say “no baby, my friends really want to see you! It’s been soo long and I already told them you would come. It would be rude for you not to come now” During dinner I am forced to sit and smile politely and tell everyone that I ate before coming when it’s been a full 24 hours of no food at this point! I get so hungry that try to take a sushi piece but partner slaps my hand and says “babe! You are allergic! You ate before coming.” I blush and keep talking to my friends. I suggest we go for ice cream but everyone is so tired and full now they all want to go home. On the drive home they keep rubbing their belly and saying they are wayy too much and are so full! I say I’m still hungry and ask again if we can pick up some food for me. Again they say “awww so cute for asking! But no baby, no food for that greedy tummy! Maybe if you wake up early tomorrow you will get breakfast!”

[troublesofanopossum]

im feeling sullen. i am running out of funds and i feel too proud to ask for money. second man in the generation line to get hurt by his pride. im glad rn im a man and i feel like one. but im starving a bit.

i feel like my friends can only help me out if i ask them directly bc the tumblr post i did on main is not working. but i cant. i fucking cant.

its too embarrassing, its awful. i just cant ask them. i feel like a failure if i do it. i should just suck it up and be noble about the fact im hungry. i know its not healthy i know i know. and im sorry to my friends for being like this.

but i just cant. i feel like no one around me asked for help on this level so maybe i shouldn't be the wimp that does it.

[starglow-xx]

(About the brother!atsushi) aRE YOU READING MY MIND MISS?! Because that has been on my mind for MONTHS. TYSM For writing it was amazing!! If you don't mind, may I request (if requests are open) atsushi, still an older brother, but with a sister that's 10-13 yrs old? It's totally fine if you don't wanna do it. Keep up the good stories, ily mwuah!

*sobs* you’re so kind thank youu 🤧🤧

i wrote this a bit differently i hope that’s okay anon! at first i planned for this to be mainly abt atsushi and the reader, but i decided to add in relationship hcs with the agency bc i ran out of ideas

if you guys liked this don’t worry! im planning a special part two for this one so be the look out for it hehe

atsushi with a tween! sister

ft. the armed detective agency

like in my baby sister hcs, you’re still the most important thing to him period

the two of you got picked up by dazai and kunikida when he was 18 (obviously) and when you were 12

for a 12 year old, you were a bit small bc of malnourishment (which makes atsushi feel so bad) so both dazai and kunikida thought you were a bit younger than you actually were

they assumed you were about 9-10ish

you and atsushi both share a favorite food !! chazuke :)

so when kunikida treated the two of you, he made sure you got more bowls bc like i mentioned above, he feels really bad that you were malnourished and under weight

(don’t bring this up but kunikida felt bad too hehe)

when dazai went with your brother to the warehouse, you were with kunikida

imagine the surprise of the other ada members when kunikida came in with a little girl dressed in rags that popped out from behind him

kenji was the one who vocalized his thoughts 

“kunikida-san you have a daughter?! wow! i didn’t know that! :D”

when you found out your brother was a tiger, you were a bit concerned but you were actually kind of excited

you were even more excited when you found out the two of you were going to be taken in by the agency

anything was better than the stupid orphanage

and besides!

you got a tiger for an older brother and a bunch of other super powered agents to take care of you! who could want anything else?

at your age, you’re very impressionable and can be influenced easily so atsushi makes sure to teach you more in depth of good morals and the importance of kindness

his heart swells with pride and relief when he catches you being kind to others

pride bc he’s proud that even after all the two of you have gone through, you still ended up being a good kid and having a bright view of the world

and relief bc he hasn’t failed as a big brother

pfftt like he could ever fail

but please, from time to time reassure him that he’s perfect and the only big brother that you’d ever want bc he rlly needs that kind of validation

with his salary and savings, he tries to buy nice things for you

what a sweetheart 🥺

he saw you eyeing that one dress at a store window? fast forward abt a week and half and it’s inside a pretty gift bag for you

you wanted to try that dessert from the nice bakery? that’s dessert after dinner at one point

but other than buying you things, he sets money aside for you

like all the time

(y/n), here have this, you might need it”

“but nii-san you just gave me—”

“take it”

#1 spoiler

also your #1 confidant and source of physical affection

you tell him anything and everything (except crushies and those kinds of things)

atsushi loves it when you talk abt your day and he can see the big smile on your face and the sparkle in your eyes

it gives him the strength to keep going 😖😖

the two of you aren’t as touch starved as you’d probably think, but that’s only bc the two of you had each other

in your opinion, no one can match the hugs of your big brother

and it got even better bc YAYY he has tiger arms now ٩(◕‿◕)۶

if you ask, he’d carry you around too hehe

you also get nightmares quite often so he’ll always be there ready to calm you down, talk if you need to, and rock you back to sleep

god i love him 🤧🤧

atsushi will do everything in his power to protect you and make sure you get to grow up happy, supported, and loved

port mafia attack? oop he’s already taking you to the nearest escape route

someone is starting to harass you? they just got suckered punched into the next week

you want to go out to have some fun? he’ll go ask the president for a day off

you’re not feeling well? he’ll take another day off and take care of you

whatever you want to do, he’ll do it with you! (as long as it’s within reason)

will always be your #1 supporter! and he’s the president of your fan club hehe

he loves you so so much and will do anything for you; your life and happiness will always be more important to him

you are his reason to keep going

agency head canons !!

atsushi is your big brother, but kunikida is most definitely some sort of father figure

everyone can see it

except kunikida of course

kunikida scolds you lightly if he thinks your manners need work or if you make a mess in the agency

you listen to him of course and in turn as some sort of a reward, he’ll give you pieces of stationary

he always gives you the nice, good quality kind and you’re over the moon

atsushi adores it when you come running to him showing your new notebook or fountain pen and blabbering what you’re going to do with it

sometimes it isn’t even as a reward for being a good child; he’ll just give it to you and he’ll say smth like “i noticed you’ve used up your last notebook quite quickly, so here’s another one” or “did you run out of ink? here have this then”

he usually has a soft spot for children in general, but he most definitely has a soft spot (or a thousand) for you

yosano is kind of like a motherly figure to you

she gives you the guidance a mother should and goes on shopping trips with you!

atsushi always gets dragged along by you, but he thinks it’s worth it seeing you look so happy

yosano being a doctor also tries to teach the things you should know, or things that would be helpful to you

she’ll teach you the basics of cooking, sewing, how to treat a cold/fever, etc

also gives you excellent advice 1000% of the time

“remember (y/n)-chan if someone hurts you come tell me and then i’ll chop them into—”

“yOSANO-SENSEI DONT TELL HER THAT—”

fukuzawa is like a father to most in the agency but you see him more as a grandfather figure

bi weekly tea and gossip sessions hehe

along with cat talk!

most of the time though, it’s just you talking and him listening to you, but the two of you enjoy it nonetheless

“and then kunikida-san ended up crashing into a pole and dazai-san started to laugh at him and i did too because it was really funny but we ended up getting scolded—”

“hmm i see...”

he’ll let you stay in his office as he fills out paperwork; you’re usually doodling or drawing in your notebooks

sometimes he’ll meditate and you’ll join him, but 4/7 times you’d fall asleep

you always wake up with a blanket over you

dazai is like a cool but a highly concerning and kind of high maintenance uncle

frequently takes you out with him when he ditches work

walks in the park, eating at uzumaki so he has the excuse of treating you so he doesn’t have to pay his tab avoiding kunikida and sometimes chuuya and akutagawa, all that fun stuff

also tries to not talk abt suicide in front of you especially if it’s just the two of you alone

he knows that you mean the world to his pupil and that said pupil would probably hate him for putting suicide inside your brain

he teaches you random but useful things like how to pick a lock, how to steal kunikida’s notebook if you’re looking for some information, how to sweet talk your way out of things, etc.

is also the one to tell you that if you ever get a significant other to introduce them to the agency first

he always wants all of your gossip; some of them work pretty well for blackmail

“dazai-san! dazai-san! did you know that kunikida-san lost his glasses and he was looking for them for nearly an hour when he was just holding them the entire time??”

“woah really (y/n)-chan?! hey hey can you say it again into this recording device so kunikida-kun would believe me when i tell him—”

always ends up giving kunikida a heart attack when he says that you’ve been with him all day

ranpo is also like a cool but a highly concerning and kind of high maintenance uncle

will share some of his snacks, but don’t push it or you might not get anything at all

loves it when you compliment him

if you tagged along with him and your brother on a case, he will show off to impress you

“...and that’s how the crime happened”

“UWAHH RANPO-SAN YOU’RE SO COOL”

atsushi is lowkey and kunikida is highkey stressed that ranpo’s eating habits will rub off on you

“ne (y/n)-chan do you wanna try this highly caffeinated drink and this concerning amount of sugar filled snack?”

“can i really?!”

“rANPO-SAN NO—”

ranpo definitely does stuff like that on purpose 

the tanizakis are like siblings to you!

a weird set of siblings but siblings nonetheless

the two of them adore you and think you’re precious

atsushi definitely knows how to do your hair whether it’s long or short but he got even better at it when he asked the two

hehe braid trains are definitely a thing + kyouka and kenji (and maybe even dazai)

sometimes you have sibling swap days

you’re with junichiro for most of the day and atsushi is with naomi

strange i know

each of the tanizaki siblings try to make it fun bc they know that the two of you did not at all have a happy upbringing

junichiro likes spending time with you by taking you out to different places that naomi likes to frequent

like the mall, different stores and restaurants, the park, places like those

naomi does the same thing with atsushi so if you ever bump into them, you go out and eat together :)

besides atsushi, the next one in line who spoils you the most would be junichiro (and yosano & kunikida both coming in at a close third)

he honestly can’t help it; you remind him of how naomi was when she was younger

and besides

he’s always been a sucker when it came to the happiness of a little sister

“would you really buy this for me junichiro-san?!”

“of course! don’t worry about it” :)

wanna talk abt boys/girls/celebrity crushes things like that? naomi is your girl

you feel a bit embarrassed to go talking to yosano or your brother abt that and kyouka does not know a thing abt them either

“uwahh naomi-san look at all these people in this magazine! they look so good!”

“right?! but of course onii-sama is still the best—”

you get along with kenji and kyouka quite nicely being roughly the same age as them; they’re also like siblings!

just pure, wholesome vibes from the three of you

you’re over the moon when she finds out that kyouka is staying with you and your brother

atsushi is twice as happy seeing you talk your mouth off and finally having a girl around your age to talk to

“do you think demon snow can change how she looks?”

“hmm... im not sure...”

you and kenji talk abt anything and everything

he even teaches you how to take care of plants!

sometimes the two of you are kind of in the same boat bc you don’t know much abt yokohoma being stuck in the orphanage and kenji doesn’t know much abt cities in general

“wait where are we again kenji-san?”

“ah we’re close to the ports! but im not really sure how close because i don’t know what the symbols on this sign mean”

“don’t worry! neither do i!”

bonus things!

yosano was kind of too late teaching you abt you know what

“NII-SAN IM BLEEDING IN BETWEEN MY LEGS”

you’re sobbing in the agency’s bathroom and atsushi is panicking trying to get you to open the door

“Y/N?! H-HOLD ON LET ME GET YOSANO SENSEI”

ranpo overhears and cackles making everyone around him confused

suddenly atsushi bursts in the agency basically on the verge of tears rambling incoherent sentences abt the bathroom, you, and blood

it just clicked for everybody in the room

(im going to pretend that kenji has sisters back home so that atsushi is the only one who remain oblivious here hehe)

atsushi is genuinely confused and sort of concerned that no one is freaking out with him

yosano waves her hand saying smth like that she’d take care of it and junichiro pulls atsushi to the side to talk to him

fast forward like half and hour and dazai and ranpo are cackling on the looks of both of your faces

honestly not sure who’s more traumatized, you or your brother

“why does this have to happen” :(

“ne ne (y/n)-chan!~ you’re too young but at some point you’re not going to have it!”

“uwahh really dazai-san?” :D

“yeah! but first you have to have ANFK—”

next thing you know your ears are being covered by your brother and dazai is thrown across the room by kunikida

you know

the normal

you’re twelve and have never gone to school, but the agency takes care of that

it’s too dangerous to go to school so they teach you what’s necessary and whatever else they can

kunikida takes care of math (obviously)

yosano takes care of science/biology/anatomy/health (whatever you wanna call it)

ranpo even dragged poe to help you with english

atsushi even got lucy to help you out with english too!

as tanizaki and naomi used to be students, they give you their old work books and they try to teach you all the other subjects

sometimes kyouka and kenji are there learing with you too!

sorry if there’s some errors! i’ll read through it again later :)

and as always, reblogs and shares are appreciated! i hope you all stay safe! and just in case nobody told you they loved you today, i love you! you are enough! <3

writing belongs to me! please do not plagiarize! the reblog button is there for a reason

[cringe-central]

Love Languages

The Lost Boys: Seperate

Giving vs. Recieving

A/N: Im so sorry this took so long to complete. I just started a new job so things may take longer, but ill still be writing. The next fic will most likely be poly with you and the boys getting together. 

David

Giving: Gifts

David enjoys giving gifts that remind you of who you belong to. He's not good with emotions so giving momentos, to David, is a good way of showing his love.

David gives gifts to show you that even if he isn't around, he's thinking about you. He also uses gifts as an excuse to take care of you. He views himself as your protector and wants you to know that he can and will provide for you. 

If he sees you looking at something for just a little too long, he will totally pay for it, legally, with money. He definitely won’t steal it if that's what you're thinking. But whether it's gained via dubious means or not, it's yours. David is basically a criminally inclined sugar daddy. 

If you make an off comment about being hungry? You're getting food. You tell him he doesn't have to get something for you? That's too bad, it's not even a question to David, you're getting taken care of. 

David just wants to provide and protect, just let the boy take care of you the only way he knows how.

Receiving: Physical affection

David is very touch starved under all that angst, pride, and daddy issues. Although he wont admit it, he needs to be given affection, badly. 

Before he met you it never bothered him, he had the boys and he didn't need more than that. But when you came into his life, and you held his face in your hands? He realized how much he missed being held by another.

He's never thought highly of humanity, but your warmth pressed against him and feeling the steady rise and fall of your chest under his hand hits him in his cold, undead heart.

In public, PDA is kept at a minimum with David so he can keep up his rough and tough persona. He acts annoyed when you get clingy, but it's painfully obvious that he actually adores it. If you want to force him to hold your hand he'll complain about it, but he wouldn't dare move away from you.

In private however, all bets are off. Chairs aren't allowed, you're either on his lap or laying on top of him. Worry about his legs falling asleep? Don’t, he's already dead, they physically can't fall asleep. You aren't going anywhere sweetheart. If you're standing? He's wrapping his arms around your stomach.

If for some reason he moves his hands away while cuddling and you bring his hands back, He swears he can almost feels his heart start beating again. He finds you adorable when you're like this. It makes David smile when he sees your look of mock offense when he takes his arms away from you.

Cuddle this man. He may try to act all tough and intimidating, but he just wants to be held.

Dwayne

Giving: Acts of Service

Dwayne likes making your life easier, he's not a big talker but he knows that actions often speak louder than words.

He's a vampire, so the biggest stress factor the boys have is being found out and staked, but other than that he and the boys live a carefree life. He knows being a human is often very difficult. Picking up on your stressors and helping make your life easier is how he shows affection best. 

Often if you're really busy, Dwayne will pick up food for you and make you take a break before helping you finish what you were doing. If you feel unwell in the slightest he’ll be there in a second to take care of you. Dwayne is also very tall, and will always get things down from above without even needing to be asked, it's basically a reflex at this point. 

 It's not uncommon for Dwayne to finish those last edits of an essay you were writing. He'd do more than that but he knows you'd be upset with him if he did. If you worry about taking advantage of him, Dwayne assures you that isn't the case. Taking that weight off of your shoulders makes him feel not only wanted, but needed.

Dwayne needs to know he's taking care of you, he's never been one to show love through words but you never go a day without feeling it.

Receiving: Quality Time

Ever since you and Dwayne became a couple, you've been the first thought in his head every morning, wanting to get feedings done sooner so he could spend time with you.

Dwayne has a lot of free time on his hands and during the time he spends with you, every possible ounce of attention you could give him was given. He adored those long conversations where you went on and on about whatever your current hyperfixation was. Even if you felt as if you annoyed him by simply rambling about a topic, he found those moments intimate and special.

Museum and Bookstore dates were very common between the two of you. Debates and deep conversations were a favorite of his, you both respected each other and your opinions. 

For museums, he would watch you stare at the exhibits in wonder while he told you of what history he remembered in certain pieces. Though he wasn't too old by vampiric standards, you would ask him all sorts of questions about the eras he's lived in. He's very quiet, but it's on these dates where you can get him going.

Bookstore dates are quieter, there was one a little ways away from the hotel that stayed open later into the night. Once a week, you and Dwayne would try to get there as soon as possible and stay there until they kicked you out. You would buy (definitely not steal) books and walk back to the beach or, if it was particularly cold, back to the cave. You two would then read them and discuss the book until the next bookstore date.

Paul

Giving: Physical Touch 

Paul loves giving affection, he takes offense to any moment spent without his S/O in his arms. He knows his reputation, and keeping you close shows that you're not to be fucked with. Many girls may try to get his attention, but they will never be the ones on Paul's hip and you take that as a badge of pride.

Paul enjoys the summer, his cool body is perfect for giving a lot of cuddles during that time. The colder months are heavily disliked by both you and him because of you body needing to stay warm, but Paul gives the best hugs, to the point where you begin to crave his touch.

Paul's worst fear is you feeling ignored or unloved; if you two have been physically distant he will immediately rectify it as soon as he can. This boy will never let his S/O go un-snuggled. Every time you're upset you are swept into Paul’s lap with your head tucked under his chin.

When you're at the boardwalk, your hand is always in his or his arm is around your shoulders. If you two are sitting down then you'll be in his lap. The boys may tease him about it but he doesn't mind, he's proud to show you off. 

Paul is a himbo at the end of the day, he's not good with words and has said the wrong thing before, but through his actions you are shown how truly loved and valued you are to him.

Receiving: Words of Affirmation

Paul is a very literal person, he enjoys when you tell him what's on your mind, and he adores listening to you talk. Listening to you talk is the highlight of his night.

Even though Paul shows love through physicality, he needs to be told the words I love you. The first time you told him those three simple words he became pretty emotional. He couldn't remember the last time someone genuinely told him he was loved, and here you were confirming your mutual affections for each other. He's so soft for you man. 

You always tell him how much he is admired and adored as you hold his face in your hands, and Paul melts every single time. He finds a lot more pride in his clothing and hair after you rave about how amazing he looks.

He values what you say above everyone else's opinion, and if you like the new thing he did with his eyeliner you notice he does it significantly more. Paul is the definition of jokester, but when you tell him what he said made you laugh he takes it to heart. 

Paul loves being a vampire, but sometimes he needs you to say you aren't afraid of him. That despite what he is, you still feel safe around him. Even the toughest of people feel insecure sometimes and you're willing to do whatever he needs to feel okay again.

Marko

Giving: Physical affection

There's a reason him and Paul are best friends, sometimes a bro needs a hug. And though his motto was always ‘bros before hoes’ something was missing. There was a level of affection he longed to give, but never could. 

When he met you and he was finally able to give those romantic affections, he went overboard. Always holding you and touching you in some way, you weren't let out of his grasp for weeks. Any time you needed to leave the cave to go home, Marko would whine and beg you to stay with him for a little while longer. Any time he could convince you to stay the night, he would be ecstatic. 

Marko is very happy to know that someone loves him for him, and he is determined to show that in every single moment of your relationship. If you had a distant boyfriend before? Destroy those expectations, because you got the clingiest vampire in the lost boys. 

He loves to scent mark on you, a giant vampire thing, it's like a drug to this angel faced sweetheart. Having his scent melding with yours as you two roam the boardwalk drives the boy insane. Marko is very possessive, and he can't help but nuzzle into your neck or wrap his arms around your torso so that everyone knows you're taken. 

Much like his best friend, Marko is also a himbo. He needs you close to him and if you aren't he becomes whiny. The next time you see him, you won't be leaving his grasp any time soon.

Receiving: Gift giving

Marko is an artistic being and he appreciates gifts that have effort put into them. Things that are bought are nice, but if you spent hours making something? He doesn't care what it is, he will love it.

If you made him a bracelet, he'd wear it every day. If you paint, you'd notice pieces of art taped onto the wall, growing with every piece you make him. If you bake? What you make him is gone in a day. His favorite gifts however are the patches you make him, sewing them on and admiring the intricate detail put into each one. 

Everything you make him or give him is valued, keeping anything and everything tangible in a wooden box that Marko painted himself. He protects that box with his life, keeping it in the most protected place in the cave.

If you write him letters he stores them in the box and he reads them by the fire pits when he can't sleep, which helps him get some shuteye. He treasures every little thing you give him, but to Marko, you are the true gift. Each of those momentos being a simple reminder of the wonderful being who made them.

[crossovereddie]

Thoughts on 11x06

I had to come back to type this after the episode. I was gonna wait to post until more people are active but everyone’s safety is more important than notes. This was really hard for me to watch. It took me two hours because I kept needing a break. It’s a tough one yall. It’s heartbreaking and really brought out issues I didn’t know I was still dealing with until I reacted so badly to some stuff. Take care of yourselves and I’m here if you need to talk. I’ll have timestamps for major tws in another post coming right after this. I just gotta go back and get the end of those scenes. I only go the time they started.

Okay. So. There’s some trigger warnings that I’ve reblogged earlier. This recap WILL have thoughts about those triggers. If you think you’ll be triggered just message me or send me an ask and I’ll give you the non triggering recap. Stay safe please.

Kev and v intro. They’re having sex behind the bar

I’m extremely nervous for some reason I might not be able to get through this

Bike heist!!

LICKEY RIGHTS

LIP CALLS HIM MICK

MISSION IMPISSIBLE

Mickey is unimpressed

Lip telling Mickey what to do yes please

Fucking Mickey omg

HE LOOKS SO GOOD

THE WAY HE SAYS BRAD

Again Mickey is unimpressed

Lip :(

MICKEY CONCERNED ABOUT LIPS SOBRIETY

AGAIN I SAY LICKEY RIGHTS

Frank is falling the chick he’s boning Monica

Not sure that’s her real name

Wait yeah it is

Frank??? Has to get to work???

Wait her name isn’t Monica

Oh shut now I get what’s happening

“Can I speak to Pope Francis please” LIAM 😭

Poor baby

Lip cooking breakfast. Hot.

I forgot about camis baby

I actually beep bad for lip and Tami

We already heard this argument with Mickey and Ian get new material writers

PRODIGAL THEIF

PINK BOX HES SO CUTE

HE LOOKS SO CUTE GOTTA SQUEEZE HIM PLS

Yeah don’t tell Carl that traitor

MICKEY BROUGHT DONUTS PLS

HES SO CUTE

ITS TOO MUCH

I LOVE HIM

HIS SMILE!!!!!!!!

GALLAGHER YOUTH

THAT MEANS MICKEY TOO BYE

CARL CALLING HIM MICK TOO PLS

I CANT TAKE IT

Poor Liam he’s terrified

“I was hoping the fucker would just die” :(

Shut up Debbie

Mickey is beautiful

Leave Mickey out of it debbie goddamn

I cant fucking stand her

Frank just observing his kids and smiling

Same frank

SHUT UP DEBBIE

OH MY GOD HIS LAUGH IS THIS WHAT YOU HEAR WHEN YOU FIRST GET TO HEAVEN????

“And the smartest” lol

Someone save Liam

“I want Sandy”

We all do kid

Fucking manipulative little I CANT STAND DEBBIE

Sandy deserves better

I hate the Milkovichs!!!!

How did smart sensitive sweet beautiful loving Mickey come from this disgusting family????

MICKEY IS THE BOSS

My heart hurts so him

“Homo sexy” dear god

Mickey is too good he deserves so much better

I love him so much

Let him be happy

Mickey has the biggest heart

They’re actually talking and not fighting

CHAPO STFU

You’re so funny and smart and beautiful don’t forget that baby

SUGAR TITS

And no one is fazed lmao

“He’s actually my uncle and my dad” I fucking hate this show

I forgot Carl makes legit money now

Wtf kinda school is this

This is so fucked up

The twins are so adorable

SHUT UP DEBBIE

“You guys” I hate that but also she’s acknowledging Mickey as “hers” and he’s family :(

Okay this horrifying comment

I hate that it’s just nonchalant

Debbie just keeps talking.

Let’s move on

Mickeys face when she says “butt naked”lmao

LIP CALLING HIM MICK AGAIN

“Talk to you for a minute?”

“Yes. Please”

I LOVE IT

Mickey is unimpressed by lip once again and I’m smiling

They love each other they’re secretly best friends ITS A FACT

HAND SHAKE SO CUTE

MY BABIES

“Blue like my balls” fucking frank lol

They’re going in on Frank’s storyline now

Boss Mickey at it again

Terry’s home

The way his face falls im sick

SANDY BABY

My heart is racing

Mickeys face is breaking my heart

Great now I’m crying

Mickey got emotional

Ian sensed it and touched his neck all fucking sweet

Okay I had to take a little break because I started crying

I love him too much

Fucking Noel is so damn good

My heart is fucking breaking

“Frank’s not a homophobic psychopath who tortured you for years”

Please Mickey deserves better

I don’t wanna hear any Ian slander either.

In this house we protect my son and my son in law I will fight you

“Let’s get the fuck outta here. Lip you coming?” 😭

That was so hard to watch yall. I’m not gonna lie to you. My parents weren’t half as shitty as terry but growing up feeling unloved your whole life fucks you up anyway and that brought out some emotions and feelings I didn’t realize I still dealt with. I had to pause for a good while and cry.

Leave Sandy alone debbie

Terry is disgusting

Okay the homophobic language he uses is definitely triggering so I’ll time stamp that too

Debbie you selfish bitch

Everyone leaving terry outside it’s a yes from me

I honestly can’t concentrate on the other scenes now I’m sorry y’all

I try to cover everyone’s scenes but it’s hard for me today

I’m not okay

Liam is too innocent poor kid

MICKEY LIP AND IAN THE BEST TRIO

We need more scenes

I PAUSED TO TYPE AND THE FUCKING LOOK HES GIVING HIM STOP

They’re besties

Mickey is beautiful

MY BABY BUSINESS BOSS MAN I LOVE YOU

he really hasn’t called him Philip the entire episode wtf

Ignoring Debbie

Now I want fries

Carl is cringy

Mickey drove them home and pulled a gun

Honestly again another heartbreaking scene

Ian’s trying to make him stop

Terry is disgusting and also a coward but we’ve been knew

Noel is the most amazing

Mickey gets teary but doesn’t cry bc I cried enough for the both of us

He’s the strongest bravest ever and I’m so proud of him

I need a hug

My heart hurts so much y’all

I just want him to be happy

I’m a fucking mess

I can’t handle Lip being emotional too

Oh I thought lip wanted to sell the house for himself only but at least they all get their share

Horrible music choice

I wanna tuck Mickey in with his favorite tv show on(911) make him his favorite food to eat in bed and not let anyone but Ian around him for a good 72 hours

The way Ian is looking at him

“Would you take care of me if I was paralyzed?”

“....yeah. Yeah”

“Top you whenever I wanted” “asshole”

His smile is back that’s all I need in life

MICKEY IS TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD

RIP DOWN THAT FLAG YES BABY

“That was big of you” “he’s an asshole...I wanna be better than that”

WHEN I TELL YALL I LOST IT I MEAN FULL ON SOBBING

YOURE ALREADY A THOUSAND TIMES BETTER THAN THAT PIECE OF SHIT

YOURE SO KIND AND BRAVE AND BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT

Ian’s like “back of the head? Gotta grab and hold my boy”

“You are so much better than that” IAN MY SWEET SON IN LAW I LOVE YOU THANK YOU FOR LOVING OUR BOY SO WELL

IAN IS THE MOST SUPPORTIVE HUSBAND

V spitting truth

I want terry to fucking suffer

Don’t do it frank

“Nah” LMAO

Frank loves his son in law

Sandy I love you

I need to hold her

No debbie I LOVE HER

NO SANDY LOVE ME INSTEAD

DEBBIE DOESNT DESERVE YOU

Carl scene was so awful I feel so bad for him this girl is a fucking psycho

That was an actual rape scene what the fuck

Mickey making frank laugh

Debbie explaining? Really?

I hate her

“How long is this gonna take? I’m fucking starving Lip” WHY WONT YOU CALL HIM PHILIP

“We could get on with our lives” well that hurt more than it should’ve

It’s really the end soon huh? 😢

According to captions Ian says “we’re in”

Frank reads his diagnosis

Carl goes to report his rape

That took me nearly two hours to watch. Yeah I usually pause to type but I had to take long breaks after the hard scenes. It was a really hard episode to watch. A lot darker than it has been. I’m not really okay right now. It was emotional but a really good episode overall.

[gukgis]

my pizza delivery story | jjk

imagine you were ordering pizza, and you see a cute delivery boy at your doorstep :))

‣ pairing: jungkook x reader

‣ genre: CRACK, fluff!! | deliveryboy!jungkook au

‣ word count: 1.0k

‣ a/n: i was literally cONTEMPLATING on whether to post this or not bc i just wasn’t proud of it and the idea was there but the execution wasn’t, well for me i think but it’s a good thing it’s not on my main masterlist kekeke idk i hope you like it it’s my first time so hopefully i’ll get better as i continue writing!! and the writing is gonna be different ?? i’m just experimenting with it and it’s not edited so :D

———

as soon as your homemade pizza got out of the oven, your face went D:

LOOK

this was your one attempt at cooking since you’re basically becoming an adult and you need to take care of yourself.

but you lazy and hungry 😔✊✊

you’ve been ordering takeouts all the time and it was time to cut back.

but you suck at cooking hence the horrible homemade pizza.

you gave your pizza to your brother since you care about your lil brother and don’t want him to starve since there’s nothing to eat.

however, you just knew what he’s going to say

“it sucks.” your brother chews obnOXIOUSLY while playing his videos games.

he still eats it nonchalantly, “i don’t understand why you can’t just order pizza?1?1?1? or smth.”

you mumbled, “weLL,,, mom and dad are gone for a bit so i had to make something so you wouldn’t sTARVE to death.”

your brother turned around to look at you, “sis, just order pizza pls 🥺🥺” then your brother reversed uno to his game and uttered, “and close the door on the way out, thanks.”

😐😐😐😐 you rambled quietly to yourself as you closed his door, “i do one nice thing and he just doesn’t apprec-”.

so you ordered pizza and waited until the doorbell rang.

YES IM HUNGRYYYYYYYYYYYYY 😡😡

i’m getting all the good pizza slices, and make him get his oWN PIZZA by no-

your thoughts got interrupted when you opened the door to see a very H O T delivery boy and the looks from his tag on his shirt, his name is jungkook.

love @ first sight

“large pepperoni pizza with buffalo wings?” he asked, lifting his head up.

then you started to get hesitant by the way you dressed. sweatpants, shirts with a bit of spilled water on it, and messy ponytail. just great.

“yes that’s correct.” you tried to make eye contact but his eye contact is tOO STRONG, so you looked away.

jungkook stuttered, “y-y/n right?”

“uh yeaH, that’s my name. how did you know?” you questioned with a surprised look on your face.

“oH no!! i meant that the name that you placed while ordering is the correct order right?” he showed the receipt with your name on it, “i wanted to make su-”

“-oH yeah hAHAHAHAH sorRy yeah it’s y/n.” you smile sheepishly while thinking you idiot HOW ELSE WOULD HE KNOW UR NAME

“that’ll be $22 please.” jungkook says, grinning rEALLY CUTELY.

:o “omg!! i don’t have money with me, hold on!!” you hurriedly went into your room and took the money from your desk that was wAITING FOR YOU TAKE BUT YOU’RE A FORGETFUL PERSON.

then i gave him the money and quickly grabbed the food, “have a nice d-” and sLAMMMED THE DOOR.

oh no

he was going to say something nice :((((((((((((( you mean you knew what he was going to say but you SLAMMED THE DOOR AT HIS FACE 😤

hate life 👊👊👊👊

you leaned back at the door, still holding the pizza until your brother yanked it, “thanks for the pizza sis.”

———

oKaY

until now you have been spending some time and spending a few $$$$$ at the specific pizza place where jungkook is at.

you’ve actually cleaned up for yourself a bit so that way he doesn’t think you’re a slob and/or a weirdo :)

you feel like you guys have been getting along??? you mean you guys are now calling each other by your guy’s first name,, and he’s the one that’s been delivering your orders!!1!!

......or was that a coincidence?

wELLL you need to take that chance and ask for his number!!

but i don’t want to 🥺👉👈 but i nEED TOOOOO you’ve been putting it off way too long. yOU CANT THINK OF THE WHAT IFS,, JUST GOOOOO, do ITTT

“that’ll be $22 like the usual y/n.” he grinned politely. “unless you forgot the money like the past few times?” jungkook teases.

you chuckled nervously, “ahhhh noo i have the money right here don’t worry!” he lifted his head up and you spoke again, “nOT that you were worrying or anything!! i-i just um...”

you didn’t finish your sentence and quickly hold out the money. jungkook mumbles quietly to himself “cute.” thinking you didn’t hear him but you did, this is a good sign.

you grabbed your order but you saw something that you didn’t order?? so you were veryy confused. “sorry but i didn’t order this... casserole???” you spoke while trying to give it back to him.

jungkook shook his head “uh nO, it’s free!! it’s a complimentary thing since someone have noticed that you’ve been ordering at our place quite often.” he smiled.

“OH was it hyunjin??? he’s always so nice when he’s accepting my delivery calls :D” you commented obliviously.

jungkook pokes his tongue inside his cheek but luckily you didn’t notice, “nope, it was me.” you looked up, “have a nice day y/n.” he winked.

ok now, this is your chance this is your chance 3x he called u cute, that is something??? HE ALSO GAVE U FREE FOOD so just say can i have your number? that’s it, that’s all easy pEASY just say it, just sAY IT just SA-

he’s about to walk away and you panicked and blurted out, “i dONT HAVE A BOYFRIEND!1!!!!1!”

jungkook frozed in his spot, and turned around, “h-huh??” he stuttered.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUC-

———

so for the next few days, you haven’t been ordering pizza, especially tHAT PIZZA PLACE.

you were just too embarrassed and decided to never eat pizza ever again :))))))))))))))

until that day, the bell rang. i peeked through the peephole and yOU COULDNT BELIEVE MY EYES

it’s fLIPPING tHE CUTE DELIVERY BOY what i didn-

“aiiiiii can u just get my pizza!!!!!” your brother yelled. but before you can argue, “iM A BIT BUSY IN THE BATHROOM RNN THE MONEY IS NEAR THE DOOR.” he added.

he’s getting murdered 🤠

weLL great. i have to open the door,, kms.

you grabbed the money, open the money, gave him the money, and was about to close the door until

“w-wait!” jungkook cleared his throat.

your reaction:

you’re holding onto the door for deAR life, waiting for him say something aNYThing, getting ready for the humiliation.

jungkook then goes, “i-i..... i don’t have a girlfriend either.”

D: to :o to :D

[writing-radionoises]

family

ship: pre-relationship akuatsu / shin soukoku, implied kunikidazai

genre: pure fluff

prompt: yosano hears that atsushi has never had a birthday party and she will not have it

notes: i wrote this for atsushi’s birthday! i love atsushi very much im going to give him the world 

Ring, ring, ring.

The sound of his cellphone ringing is what brings Atsushi out of the dream world, feeling around his futon for his cellphone with his eyes closed until he, eventually, finds the damn thing.

He flips it open to answer the call, slowly opening his eyes and beginning to fully wake up.

"Good morning, Nakajima," says the voice on the other end of the call.

It's Akutagawa, which is rather strange as he never calls Atsushi.

"Akutagawa? Hey, you used my actual name!" Atsushi points out happily, sitting up, "Why are you calling?"

"Point it out and I'll continue to call you mantiger for the rest of your life," Akutagawa replied, taking a moment to cough away from the phone, "It is common courtesy to call and send birthday wishes on someone's birthday, is it not?"

Atsushi paused for a moment, "Birthday…?" He says, bringing his phone away from his ear to look at the date, "Oh, I guess it is my birthday, huh… but still, you hate me. Why would you do that?"

"It's complicated."

Atsushi rolls his eyes, "Sure. I'll get the answer out of you later. Thank you for the birthday wishes, though, Akutagawa."

There's mumbling in the other end of the phone as Atsushi gets out of bed, opening the closet door and stepping out. Kyouka had apparently already gotten dressed and left for work…

"Are you seriously embarrassed that I thanked you?"

"No! Why would I be embarrassed by that?"

Atsushi laughs, "Whatever you say, I'll talk to you later."

*Later? When I try and kill you again?"

"Probably. Bye, Akutagawa!"

Akutagawa stutters on the other end, to which Atsushi laughs a bit and hangs up, then continuing to get ready.

--

Atsushi gets off the train to the agency, walking in like everyday, only to see about half the agency in the room.

Dazai has himself draped across maybe three desks, lounging about carelessly as Kenji has Ranpo on his shoulders, Ranpo putting up decorations and banners with Yosano directing him where to put what.

Kyouka, Kunikida, Junichiro, and Fukuzawa are nowhere to be found.

It takes a few minutes for Atsushi to realize what the banner Ranpo and Kenji are putting up actually says, and another minute for Yosano to realize he’s here.

“Atsushi, hey!” She says, running over to him and giving him a hug, “Glad you’re finally here, happy birthday!”

Atsushi blushes for a moment, then smiling, “Ah, thank you Dr. Y-”

“Atsushi!” Dazai calls, sitting up from his spot over three desks, “Didn’t even realize you were here, how are you?”

Yosano releases him from the hug, and Atsushi turns towards Dazai, “I’m good, just, where is every-”

Within that moment, Kyouka bursts through the door with a kazoo, blowing through it half mindedly with a smile.

“Happy birthday,” she says.

Atsushi can’t help but smile back, “Thank you.”

“Food is ready in the coffee shop, courtesy of Kunikida-san and Tanazaki. Just about everyone else is already there.”

Dazai throws his legs over the desks and gets down, “Kunikida is an excellent cook, I assure you, Atsushi,” he says, throwing an arm around Atsushi’s shoulder.

Kenji sets Ranpo down, to which Ranpo sighs and sets the basket of decorations on the ground, “Finally, I’m starving!”

“Ooh, food!” Kenji exclaims, following closely behind Ranpo as they head downstairs.

Yosano ruffles Atsushi’s hair with a smile, “Kyouka-chan told me you had never celebrated your birthday before, we decided to change that.”

“Lesson twenty of being with the Armed Detective Agency, never underestimate Yosano’s ability to mother,” Dazai hummed along.

Yosano glared at Dazai, “Lesson twenty-one, I’ll kill you.”

Dazai laughs nervously.

Kyouka whistles from her place in the doorway, “Are you guys coming or not?”

“Coming!” Dazai replied eagerly, practically dragging Atsushi away as Yosano follows.

--

If the Agency was over the top in decorations, the coffee shop was even worse.

There were streamers and balloons everywhere, some of them had pictures of cats and bunnies drawn on them, which Atsushi could assume was Kyouka’s doing.

Tanizaki was slumped over the bar of the coffee shop while Kunikida was yelling at him, hitting him with a wooden spoon until eventually Dazai dragged Kunikida away from poor Junichiro.

Kyouka had disappeared back into the kitchen, while Yosano sat on the table, having a conversation with Fukuzawa.

Fukuzawa had dressed much more casually than usual, he wore a pair of jeans with a white tee shirt over a green long sleeve. The white shirt had a picture of Atsushi printed on it, with the words “this is my son, I love him,” printed on it in comic sans.

Given what Atsushi has seen on Fukuzawa’s other casual tee shirts, this was honestly the best outcome. He had a habit of wearing various tee shirts with the most random things on it, and owned a myriad of tee shirts condemning pedophiles.

Kunikida eventually sat down at a booth with Dazai, and Atsushi joined them in that same booth.

The booth behind them housed a very tired Junichiro, Ranpo, Poe, and Kenji. Ranpo and Kenji were having a nice conversation, something about cows, while it appears Tanizaki had fallen asleep on a very uncomfortable Poe.

Atsushi couldn’t help but smile.

Eventually, Kyouka and Lucy began to bring out bowls of chazuke, giving them out to everyone before Kyouka took a seat beside Atsushi, and Lucy sat beside Yosano and Fukuzawa.

“Everyone in the agency was well aware it was your favorite dish,” Kunikida explained, watching Atsushi stare at the bowl as if he had just met god, “Kyouka-chan insisted I try to make it.”

“He taught me how to make it too,” Kyouka added on, “Thank you, Kunikida-san.”

A slight smile appeared on Kunikida’s face before Dazai elbowed him in the ribs.

“And you say you don’t even like Kyouka-chan,” Dazai teased.

“Well, I don’t!” Kunikida insisted, elbowing Dazai back as Kyouka laughed.

The agency ate happily, at some point Poe attempted to get Tanizaki off of him and accidentally woke him, resulting in Poe deciding to continuously apologize and occasionally sob about it for the next hour and a half. Yosano threw one of her heels at Dazai after he said something about Yosano being over the top, to which Dazai swiftly dodged, and instead the heel hit Kenji in the back of the head. Kenji remained unphased, however.

By the time everyone was finished with the meal, Tanizaki removed himself from his booth and went back into the kitchen, returning with a two tiered chocolate cake he had baked himself, Lucy and Fukuzawa helping him hand out the pieces.

Fukuzawa ruffled Atsushi’s hair when he passed by him, humming something about Atsushi being cute over him shocked at the fact that Junichiro actually made such a cake.

With that, gifts were slowly handed out. Kyouka had gifted him a white tiger plushie, it was one of the first things she had bought with her own money, so she was incredibly proud of it.

Junichiro, on the other hand, gave him a set of hair clips so he could properly pin back his bangs without borrowing some from him.

Yosano gave him a set of new clothes, a sweater with a cat on it with a set of shorts and knee high socks. She assured him that all of it would fit perfectly, as she had already had his measurements, somehow. Fukuzawa had gifted him a couple different picture frames with photos of Atsushi with Kyouka, Dazai, or some even with Akutagawa. It was a very cute gift, Atsushi had hugged Fukuzawa right after receiving it.

Ranpo and Poe gave Atsushi a simple basic of snacks and such, mostly Ranpo’s doing, though Poe slipped in a couple different recipes and such into the basket as well. Lucy admitted the moment she gave Atsushi a gift that she had never really given or bought gifts before, so she wasn’t entirely sure what to do, though she gave him a couple boxes of bandages and a hand made cat plushie.

More and more gifts went by, and eventually it came Dazai’s turn, to which he handed Atsushi a simple box with a purple ribbon tied around it. Atsushi rose an eyebrow as he began to untie the ribbon and open the box.

Instead was a cropped purple jacket with cuffed sleeves that ended at the elbows, the sleeves could be unbuttoned and rolled down as well. There was a zipper, and pockets on the chest, and under the folded jacket were a couple of different iron on patches.

“So, it’s sort of a tradition from where I came from to give your pupil some sort of item of clothing, usually a clothing item of your own. However, I’m well aware that we are very different in fashion tastes, so I decided to go off script a little bit,” Dazai explained.

Fukuzawa looked at Dazai with a knowing smile as Atsushi slowly began to tear up, quickly rubbing the tears away as he slipped on the jacket, rolling down the sleeves before looking at Dazai with a teary-eyed smile.

“Thank you so much, this is all too much, you guys are too kind…”

“It’s nothing at all, Nakajima,” Fukuzawa replies, “The agency is like a family, we intend to treat you like such.”

With that, the door to the coffee shop opens, and reveals a young woman with her hands up, a bag resting on her elbow. She has medium length black hair, wearing a flowy black, long sleeve dress and a white trench coat over it.

“Don’t shoot the messenger!” She calls calmly with a smile, slowly putting her hands down and making her way over to Atsushi, handing him the gift bag.

Atsushi takes the bag, staring curiously at the woman before Dazai speaks up.

“Ah, Gin, it’s good to see you,” he says with a smile, “Is your brother too embarrassed to come in himself?”

The woman, Gin, nodded, “As you know, Ryunosuke is a coward outside of work.”

“Ryunosuke?” Atsushi asked.

“Akutagawa,” Kyouka replied, softly, “Were you not aware he had a sister?”

“Really? That’s a shame,” Gin replied a frown, “We’ve even met before, many times!”

Atsushi can’t help but look at her in confusion, scanning his memory for some sort of memory of this woman before it hits him.

“Oh. I’m so sorry!” He calls out, to which Gin just gives a smile, followed by holding two fingers up in a cute manner by the doorway.

“No bombs or anything, I promise!” She replied, then leaving the coffee shop and closing the door behind her.

“I feel stupid for not recognizing her,” Atsushi says with a nervous laugh.

“No need to,” Dazai reassures, “It’s her whole thing, she’s just teasing you.”

Atsushi sighs and shrugs, beginning to go through the bag.

The first thing in there is a yellow sticky note with messy, yet cute handwriting.

It reads, “From Ryunosuke Akutagawa, who’s too much of a little bitch baby to give this to you, Jinko-san! Signed, Gin.”

There’s a little heart at the end of the message, and Atsushi stifles a laugh.

Inside the bag is a soft, handmade pastel purple sweater, “Jinko” is neatly stitching over a white patch of fabric towards the top of the sweater. Below it is another sticky note, this time in purple and with much nicer, more elegant handwriting.

It reads, “Happy birthday. You’re foolish and I hate you. Please call more. -Akutagawa.”

Atsushi smiles happily, and Kyouka laughs.

“That’s cute,” she says.

Atsushi nods, “He’s kinda funny. Really bad with people.”

By the end of the day, Kyouka helps Atsushi bring everything home to their shared dorm, and Kyouka falls asleep almost instantly. Atsushi doesn’t keep her up much longer, but instead decides to sit in the kitchen chair, going through his phone when he gets a mysterious text.

UNKNOWN NUMBER, 9:58 PM

pissyryunosuke.png

The image is Akutagawa sitting in a car with his arms crossed over his chest, pouting. He has a yellow sticky note on his face that says “stupid fucker” in Gin’s hand writing, and a hand, presumably Gin’s, pointing at him.

ATSUSHI NAKAJIMA, 9:59 PM

hdbchbgciasxh thank you so much for this image. ill frame it.

UNKNOWN NUMBER, 10:00 PM

g  IN I HATE Y OU

UNKNOWN NUMBER, 10:00 PM

you’re welcome.

Atsushi smiles, standing up from his place in the kitchen and deciding to go to bed.

As he lays in bed in the closet, he looks at his phone one last time, before drifting to sleep.

I did it, I’ve managed to live to turn nineteen, he thought.

[of-faunsandyellowflowers]

Personal post...again

Tw: rape, eating disorder

And I'm sorry this is long but I need to get this out.

I think the biggest thing that hurts me with my mother is the fact she disregards what I tell her as exaggeration, or that I do it for attention.

It goes back to my teen years.

Middle school was awful for me. Honestly, all school was. Growing up autistic but not knowing you're autistic is....hard. it's even harder when you've got a shit load of trauma and other issues to deal with to.

When my mom found out I cut myself, instead of trying to understand why I did it, she lectured me on how she coulsnt understand why I did that because shes never felt that way. Now, I'm not saying she couldnt be upset by it....but it wasnt somethibg I was proud of. And when she told me I must be doing it for attention, I knew I probably wasnt going to be able to tell her about the things that happen in my life that are hard kater on...even though I really needed someone. It's not like she wasnt EVER there, but the really really big things....it wasnt talked about. And when it wasnt talked about, it wasnt believed.

The time I told her I was raped, barely 15, and then a few years later finding out she didnt believe me. Her reasoning? Because right after we went to dinner i was 'happy'. And that the years after I was 'sexual' with guys. Because people who are raped are supposed to be sex repulsed and numb.

I was incredibly numb. However, I've learned how to mask. Much like I've learned how to mask my autism.

Instead of taking the time to ask my counselor what coping looks like for trauma, she assumed that it wasnt that bad and determined I just wanted it and that the guy never called me back. She assumed rhat since I said I didnt want dad to know, that I didnt want anyone to know....that it must not have happened because you 'tell' a parent these things.

She only figured out I wasnt lying after having a heart to heart with my aunt and my aunt chewing out my mother for not doing more.

Then got mad I never wanted to go to the cops.

I still, dont think I would have wanted to go to the cops.

The emo kid (me) vs the star mormon football player? In a very mormon town with mormon cops? Yeah. I dont think they would have believed me.

And look, I understand that it's hard for a parent to hear that, but the lack of support I received due to my mom always deflecting it to 'it cant possibly be that bad' on top of me not even knowing I was autistic so it was incredibly hard for me to express things.....I'd say that the person going through trauma, twice in the same 15th year...is worse. And the years to come with me battling my own turmoil, keeping things in, her butting into my life to 'help' in ways that didnt help. It was based on what she believed was correct, and not what I felt I wanted in order to express myself.

Years following I developed an eating disorder which caused me to binge large amounts of junk food, hate myself after, and starve myself. I still struggle with it, but now I just dont really eat.

Instead of asking WHY I did this to myself, I got shouted at, scolded and accused of stealing money, or using hers to get things.. Instead of understanding I had an eating disorder, it was determined by my own mother that I probably was just a liar and manipulator.

The money stealing is funny too, because I hid my tattoos from her for that very reason. By that I mean, the accusation that I stole money for it when I actually saved up to get them.

I deflected whenever someone would ask me about my eating habits and would say I wasnt doing that because 1. I was terribly ashamed of the fact I was binge eating. 2. The sheer mention reminded me of my trauma and the lack of support I had in that. 3. Because if I talked about it, I remembered why I did it, and that wasn't something I wanted to talk about at all

I became incredibly hypersexual after my trauma as well. The reasonings for this are complex, but the main two being that I didnt understand the context of how to get someone to like me, beyond sex. It was basically a way for me to control the situation I didnt have control of before. Much like...trying to redo losing my virginity by just saying yes. Becayse if you say yes, it cant possibly be rape right? On top of still not understanding social things as well.

Not all people who experience this form of trauma are sex repulsed.

And like my now therapist said, me being happy right after was a way my brain coped. When something like that happens, your brain tries the best it can to cope. And that's how I coped. By faking. Which I was already good at with my masking.

Then, I got mono. This turned into a chronic thing. I already had all this mental stuff to deal with. This turned into chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia. My immune system is shit. I do not rest. No support on that. The years to follow have been me figuring out what the hell's wrong with me, and my mom being wishy washy on what's real and what's not because 'if you really had that then the first doctor we went to would know'...without realizing that for many people it takes years to get diagnosed with things.

To this day, it's the same.

My mom brought up my trauma yesterday. I told her that there was more than just 2, but I wasnt going to talk about it because I didnt feel comfortable. She reiterated that I couldnt be mad at her for not believing me at 15 because 'it was hard for me to hear that abd you were happy and very promiscuous after and manipulated my emotions a lot'.

I think I have every right to be upset when someone doesnt believe me at 15 that I was raped. I think I have every right to be upset at the sheer accusation that I would LIE about a traumatic experience....that my way of coping god forbid be different than your own standards.

Beyond that though, I'm just tired.

I'm so tired of the constant wishy washyness. The constant arguments we have because she wants to make everything about her, and while I love my mother, its incredibly invalidating to state that I'm chronically ill and to be told 'you're only 26, I'm 63, get over it', then the next day be understanding. Theres so much I could get into with all this but the AMOUNT is overwhelming.

Hell, for a solid month I didnt talk to her because she stated the reason I came out as non binary was for attention. And she sidnt get why I wouldnt talk to her.

Can you just pick a fucking side? I need you to just support me instead of throwing things like 'well I have a hard time believing you because you manipulated me as a teen' when I never did that.

Theres so much I could go into. I'm just tired. The constant wishy washy, the constant blame on me and then to turn it into 'oh then it's all my fault' when I never said that.

Just fucking accept that my life isnt going to be how you pictured it. And I'm sorry that im not an easy person to understand, but it just feels like you never tried. It was always let's do it my way, and when I finally sidnt want to do that, I get punished

Im tired. I just want it to end.

And no, I cannot move out. I have no where to go. I have no money. I cannot work as much as I'd need to get enough for my own place.

The best I can do is to try to cope with the constant invalidation. Cling onto the good times. My mom isnt a bad person, and I dont think she really UNDERSTANDS how much shit affects me. I just wish shed put aside her own emotions and face reality.

[toshis-puppycat]

Dreamscape Part One

Masterlist

It was a new day, your father was driving you to your campus. You were starting a new semester at college. Correction, you were starting a new semester at a university. And your dad agreed to have you move out and get your own space on campus, so long as your grades didnt drop and visited when you weren't busy studying. You jumped at the opportunity leaving the house, you loved your dad but it was difficult to grow and flourish like your peers did while living with him. Your father parked the car at the apartment complex you'd finally be moving into that day.

"Now honey, remember to call" your father sighed, looking at you fondly. "I guess you dont have to remember to call now, you're gonna be living here!" Your dad said, you could hear the twinge of sadness in his tone. You knew it was hard on your father.

"Papa it's not like I'm gonna forget you and mama." You stated, your voice cracking. You loved your dad, seeing him worry like this made you worry for him too. He sighed and looked forward to your building. 

"Just be safe, alright? I I don't want my daughter getting hurt trying to make a living for herself." He says.

"I wont papa, remember I'll fight anyone." You joked, although it wasn't too truthful. You would in fact fuck up anyone who messed with you, but you didn't know anything past the simple defense training that your father was able to teach you when you were younger. 

"I haven't said this much, but sweetheart. Im very proud of you." Your father said, he turned towards you tears in his eyes. You felt yourself tear up too.

"Thank you papa." You choked out. You two had a good cry after that, then you were finally able to move your things into the apartment your father got for you. He said he didn't want you worrying too much for renting and that he'd cover all those expenses for you as long as you were smart about everything else. He said he wouldn't worry too much about where he lived and you believed him. He was always smart with money and you knew he saved up so much money for you to be able to have a good life, especially after your mom passed away. You sighed, you missed her so much. You couldn't remember a lot of your mother, but your father was so in love with her and he was heartbroken when she passed away only bringing himself together for you to have a good life. You'd always be grateful for him. You looked at your apartment, finally furnished and looked proud. You moved out of your childhood home and into your own apartment (even if your dad was paying for it, he told you to be proud of it anyways because you still moved out and you had great grades. "You deserve it!" he said). 'I could definitely get used to this' you thought, falling into the couch and staring at the ceiling, feeling your body start to relax and your eyes began to droop. You passed out without a second thought. 

"Stanley!" You shouted, running through the village, a boy clutching your hand. He was laughing and pulling you the open meadow just outside of the area. 

"Y/n, I have to tell you something!" He yelled excitedly.

"Okay! Tell me then!" You giggled, looking at him.

"Mother and father said they'd talk to your father about me marrying you!" He yelled out, falling onto the ground, smiling up at you. You felt yourself smile back, dropping next to him. "We have to collect flowers! So you can hold them for the wedding y/n!" He said, looking over at you, adoration in his eyes. He always looked like this towards you, ever since you could walk he'd be doting over you and when you started talking it was even more so. You'd met him when you were just a babe, he was 5 years older than you but he was smitten when he'd laid eyes on you for the first time proclaiming he would marry you when the time was right. You never minded, Stanley was the sweetest boy you had ever met in your life. It wasn't like the other village boys had a chance to have your hand in the first place. 

"Okay, Stanley." You laughed out, you were happy. Laying out in a field, laughing with your best friend, what a wonderful life. 

You woke up, suddenly and shaking. You forgot to eat and your body had quite literally told you to get the fuck up. You carefully stood up and looked at your phone, 10pm. Youd eaten very little throughout the day, and now you were starving. Thank god there was a pizza place just down the block. You left without even a passing thought of the dream youd just had. 

Richard was tired, Stan was brooding too much for his tastes. Getting too pissed off and getting too ready to beat the shit out of him. He'd already had a black eye, he didn't want two. Leaving to get food was the best thing to do for all of them. There were many things he missed as the years passed by, but the suffering wasn't one of them! God the things humanity came up with! Pizza was one of his favorites that they came up with. 'Took fuckin forever for them to make it though' he angrily thought as he walked into the building 'Slice of Heaven Pizzeria'. He suddenly smelled something delicious, and it wasn't the pizza. He looked around the brightly lit area, his eyes falling on the frame of a cute girl. He could see you debating on what you actually wanted in the place and to be fair he felt the same, he liked changing it up sometimes and they put together new things all the time. But jesus, you smelled like heaven. He could practically hear the blood pumping through your veins despite him not being a fledgling anymore. He felt his fangs coming out and he felt himself hold back, something he hadn't done in centuries, since he was a fucking fledgling. You were dangerous, he could feel himself smirk. A challenge he could do for himself to prove he wasn't someone who'd just attack whoever smelled good. And damn, you smelled good. "Wow toots, you're gorgeous." He said, smiling at you as you looked at him startled. You scowled.

"Ugh, dont call me that you fuckin creep." You said, surprising yourself. You never swore at new people, especially fucking guys. He laughed.

"Alright, alright I'll admit that probably sounded fucking creepy. But like the complement was genuine." He said, he looked more sincere this time around, so you let it slide. 

"Dont be a fuckin weirdo. Girls don't like that shit. Just compliment them like a normal person." God he liked you. You were feisty.

"I'm Richie, sorry I was being creepy. Im just naturally calling people that ya know?" He said, holding his hand out to you. 

"Y/n." You said, shaking his hand. "And yeah, I get it." You replied. You probably just made a new friend, you thought smiling to yourself. Seeing Richie trip over nothing walking to the counter made you think it was a dumbass friend though. 

Two weeks later you found yourself thinking the same thing. Richie really was a giant dumbass, but he was a funny dumbass. 

"I can't believe you did that!" You yelled at him.

"You should have seen his face! He was so shocked!" He laughed out, this was a great idea, it want nearly as hard as it was the first time he'd seen you to deal with your scent. 

"Oh fuck! I completely forgot, Rich." You got serious but you had I light in your eye that he liked. "I was formally invited to a Halloween party and I would like to add you as my plus one for Saturday night." You said, in an exaggerated British accent you loved mocking him for. "You can even bring your friends, I'm sure you have more than me ya know." You finish, back the laughing mess you were before you asked him anything.

"Aw shit doll, on such short notice? Whatever will I do for a costume?" He asked, mockingly and happily. You were a great friend, he hoped the others liked you too since you wanted to meet them so bad. Unfortunately Richie did what he usually did. He fucking forgot to tell them how he reacted when he first met you.

——

A/N: Wow two whole parts out. I hope everyone enjoys, and please send whatever criticism you have or whatever you predict, who knows I might take it into consideration 😉 Thanks for reading!

[wakasagayhime]

very long, very personal post

tldr, im still not drawing but here’s a detailed account of everything that’s happened in case anyone is confused or misinformed

alright. let me start out by saying i’m not going back to art just yet. it still hurts to do anything art related and i’m still trying to find a way to heal from all of this. i need some kind of professional help first, and i don’t know how long it’ll take afterwards for me to begin feeling like myself again. i don’t even know if i’ll be able to get any kind of professional help at the moment; my university’s counseling center told me, in short, that i’m so mentally ill that their services would not be enough for me and i’d have to look elsewhere (which is reasonable, tbh, they’re almost always completely booked so it’s difficult to actually even talk to someone there in the first place, i only got to talk to them to begin with because i nearly killed myself one night after having the most intense panic attack of my life where i felt like i was actually in the process of dying) and as if that weren’t enough, if you follow me on twitter you’d know that my mom finally left my stepdad, but this means that we no longer really have a home to call our own and are now living with some of my mom’s friends. on the bright side, miso is a lot freer and gets to explore the house as he pleases, but on the downside money is tight and my mom is trying her best to find a place to live while working two jobs and trying to help pay for my tuition. long story short, i want some kind of professional help badly, but all the bullshit that’s been happening in my life makes that difficult. 

anyway, i understand that i’ve worried a lot of people through all of this, and i’m sorry. i truly, genuinely am sorry for everything that’s been going on. i blame a lot of it on myself not being strong enough. if i were stronger, i wouldn’t care about some stupid internet trolls, or some random grown man in florida stalking all my social media. if i were stronger, i could take my life back. i wouldn’t feel the need to constantly contemplate suicide, or to torture my own body by starving because of my physical form feeling like the only thing i have left to be in control of. if i had only been stronger, like my old stupidly foolish overconfident 16 year old self who got into fucking STEVEN UNIVERSE DISCOURSE of all things, maybe i wouldn’t care. even when it first happened to me, after the initial shock and hiatus, i was pretty much back to normal almost instantly.  but this kind of trauma is sneaky and will gradually eat away at you more and more while you pretend to be ok, and then eventually you reach a breaking point and it’s taken over your life. that’s why i’m still obsessing over that day two years later. that’s why i can’t be left alone on december 13th this year, or else i know for a fact i will harm myself in some way. (don’t worry about that though, burger is going to hang out with me that day and i’ll be fine.) still, even though i keep telling myself my past self was stronger, i do know that she really wasn’t. she was still struggling with depression, anxiety, and self harm issues. maybe it just manifested differently for a while. maybe she felt unstoppable at some point in time because she finally found a girlfriend and got a cat. i got into so many fights that weren’t worth my time or energy at all, and part of me wishes i could be that confident again, but i also know that was my downfall to begin with.

i have followers who haven’t been around for longer than a year or maybe less than two, so i might as well give everyone a true, thorough rundown of what happened leading up to that day, the day of, and after. 

i’m sure a lot of you who are worried about me at the moment have seen the recent callout for colboh and his involvement in what happened. i’ll be honest--i don’t know the full extent of his involvement, and i want to believe his foolishness ends at not leaving artists who have blocked him alone and uploading their shit to booru sites when they explicitly state not to. so let’s just start there. i honestly don’t remember if it was before or after i first blocked him, but he uploaded one of my NSFW drawings to danbooru when i first shared my NSFW blog. (PROTIP: if you’re a minor, don’t share your NSFW art with anyone. don’t care if you’re 17, i was about to turn 17 myself. it will bite you in the ass. as such, some of this is my fault.) i quickly contacted danbooru asking them to delete it, and they did--but that artwork subsequently ended up on gelbooru as well, and i was unsuccessful in my efforts to remove my art from there.  

fast forward to december 13th, 2016. it was a normal morning. i was getting ready for school, but also being dumb and lazing around in bed browsing tumblr. i saw a post from a blog that shares Funny 4chan Screencaps. my art was in it. the art was of a very muscular yuugi, a drawing i was proud of, especially in how much gay energy i thought it radiated--but this drawing was being used in one of those typical “here’s a touhou, i wanna fuck her! am i right guys? let’s talk about how badly we want to fuck her” threads. seeing my art used for this was appalling. my first mistake was reblogging the post and saying how it was wrong, and how my art shouldn’t ever be used for such a purpose. my second mistake was making a text post AND tweets expressing my disgust at the situation, thinking no one who frequented /jp/ would ever see, sure that it would be a big waste of their time to concern themselves with some random dumb “”sjw”” artist. i also probably shouldn’t have specifically called them “gross neckbeards,” in doing so i absolutely struck a nerve with basement dwellers everywhere. i got to school and during my second period class, suddenly felt a strange urge to look at /jp/. why i did that, i still don’t really know. maybe i was expecting hate. maybe i was trying to see if they used my art for something gross again. i don’t know. either way, that moment changed everything forever. i saw the screencap of my tweets posted for everyone in their  circlejerk to see. even worse--i looked in the thread, and someone had also posted the NSFW art colboh had uploaded to danbooru, mocking it and calling me a hypocrite for drawing two girls having sex while also saying i don’t like my art being used for those kinds of threads. this is what truly ignited the amount of hate i saw directed towards me in the threads. i got called a bitch, a drama whore, got told to kill myself, and in one reply etched into my mind forever, someone said something along the lines of “we should all call her local gang and have them rape her, she just needs a good dicking.” there were multiple threads, too; i don’t know how many, but there was another one about me after the first one was deleted, in which someone edited a typical fat balding NTR hentai doujin style man into art i made of kagerou nosebleeding at wakasagihime. more disparaging comments were made. in both threads, people expressed their hatred and dislike of my art, some calling it garbage, some just saying it’s “bad,” etc. some people said the threads were unnecessary and rude, but they were a kind few in a cesspool of violence.

i don’t know who started these threads. i can’t assume anything about anyone, but whoever did this was definitely looking through all my social media out of bitterness and hatred, or perhaps even following me on both my tumblr and twitter considering the timing of the threads immediately after i complained. it eats at me that i most likely will never know who did this to me. i’ll never know who hated me so much that they decided to completely destroy my self esteem. if whoever it is who did all of this is reading this and feels any ounce of remorse, i’m begging them to reveal themselves and why they did it, but i know the chances of that happening are incredibly slim. someone, i can’t remember who, maybe it was queenly, told me they hope someday i reach a point where i don’t have to worry about that because i won’t care in general, but i still don’t know if i’ll ever reach a point where i stop caring about all of this.

like i mentioned earlier, after this all first happened, i was destroyed. the next day, my school’s GSA happened to have a vote for whose art would be on the club t-shirts, mine or someone else’s. mine lost. i broke down completely--anywhere i went, i wasn’t good enough, not for anyone. for days, there was a constant feeling of horror and fear  in my chest, something i’ve only ever felt so intensely when one of these threads resurfaces or i suddenly relive my trauma due to other things triggering me. i took a hiatus that lasted a few weeks, i believe i came back sometime before the new year. i thought i was ok, and i pretended like i could go back to being myself. but as time went on, and i continued living with the weight of that day on my back, i became weaker and weaker. i stopped drawing as frequently as i used to. my final year of high school started and i ended up falling into such a deep depression that i constantly skipped school and eventually attempted suicide in november 2017.  the suicide note i wrote cites that day as being one of the main things leading me to my decision, telling whoever did this to me that i hoped in my passing they’d have to live knowing what they did to me. my attempt only failed because i swore to take every pill left in the bottle and there were only four pills. had it been full, i’m not really sure what would have happened. i was sent to a mental institute afterwards for a week. being there was the absolute definition of hell. i was alone. i cried myself to sleep every night. they claimed to be a place where people were improved and got help, but i did not get any help at all. they basically imprisoned me for trying to kill myself. when i got out, i was only glad to be alive because i just wanted to be able to talk to my friends, my family, and my girlfriend again. it still shocks me that i was able to graduate from high school considering how much school i skipped before and after my suicide attempt.

sometime before that school year ended, i became extremely upset one afternoon and decided to run away from home. i had what happened to me and what was said about me that day running through my head. i tweeted that i hoped maybe in running away i’d end up being raped like they wanted, like how i deserved. someone who i considered a friend replied to this with, “fuck you.” after all of this was taken care of and i was safe at home, i responded that i was sorry, that i wasn’t thinking right when i made the tweet. she responded that i was, and blocked me. i tried to explain that i said what i did because of the threads about me on /jp/ and the one response threatening rape, but this was disregarded and, seemingly, ignored. a few days later, the former friend in question started sending me anon hate on tumblr, asking me why i want attention so badly, accusing me of making light of actual rape victims by saying such a thing. i explained myself, but to no avail. i blocked her on tumblr, and left it at that. but then, at the end of the school year, when i was proud of myself for finally getting through high school without killing myself or failing or anything, i stumbled upon the second thread. the date the thread was created lined up exactly with the time between me running away from home and me receiving anon hate. she can try to act like she didn’t make the thread all she wants, but i’m not an idiot. the replies were also eerily similar--people in the replies remembered me, a year and a half after the original thread. some replies mentioned me having attempted suicide months before. some mentioned my NSFW art again. i had a massive breakdown and nearly drowned myself in the pond down the road. it was a wet, rainy night, and i sat on a bench by the pond sobbing loudly, trying to find some way to want to keep living. but i couldn’t. i might have gone through with it if it hadn’t been for burger coming and talking to me and giving me a ride home.

entering college, i thought things would be easier. in a way, they are. i have more freedom with classes. this semester, i attended almost all of my classes, almost every day, just with the exception of me being sick some days and me accidentally oversleeping once, and then one day when i just didn’t feel like it. but things continued to get worse for me--i developed an eating disorder for many reasons, one being the time i spent a year prior depressed caused me to gain a significant amount of weight, and the other being i had sworn off self harm in the form of cutting. i found that i was able to get the same gratification from starving myself. at one point, it turned into a game of sorts, where i tried to see how long i could go without eating anything. my record was a little over 72 hours. being constantly hungry or in pain this way felt like something i deserved in a way, but also something to distract me from the pain of realizing i was losing my love for art. i was in denial about it for months. i tried to keep drawing, but everything i drew upset me, saddened me, and even angered me. i looked at anything i made and only felt disgust. it was the one thing i used to love doing more than anything, and now i only felt shame. 

in november, i acknowledged this and decided to quit for good. recently, i discovered colboh had uploaded more of my NSFW art to gelbooru, even though i specifically stated on my blog to never upload my NSFW art to image sharing sites, specifically right after he uploaded my art the first time. by the time i found this, i had already sworn off art for good, but looking at the comments on my art on gelbooru (and rule 34--i guess they’re connected upload-wise like danbooru?) filled me with so much sadness and shame, not because they criticized my art, but because they said horrible things about my depiction of kagerou. for those who don’t know, i headcanon kagerou as a trans woman, and one thing i do not regret about my time as an artist is how that depiction has helped numerous trans women feel good about themselves and their bodies. seeing so many disgusting comments deliberately misgendering her and making other transphobic remarks hurt me on a completely new level. my trans friends have been such a source of strength for me through all of this and seeing that made me feel disgusted, especially with myself. i felt like i had failed them. i had made so many trans women happy, only to see a man i blocked two years ago had uploaded my art to porn sites, tagging it with dehumanizing words like “f*ta” that i specifically tell people never to refer to my art with, displaying that art for the exact same crowds of people that ruined everything december 13th 2016 to continue to pick apart. one comment even told me to kill myself, effectively bringing back every memory of that day. 

speaking of that, another thing i want to touch on now that i’m up to speed with the details of everything that’s happened related to the original threads two years ago, is kagerou. i’m positive you all know that i really love kagerou imaizumi, and that she’s my favorite touhou character. it’s embarrassing to say, but she’s brought me so much comfort through all of this. sometimes if i’m sad, i’ll imagine her giving me a big hug, or i’ll look at cute pictures i have saved of her, or something along those lines. it’s pretty cringy for a fictional character to make me happy, i know, but i’ve grown so attached to her and she really means a lot to me. and another thing that made me want to swear off art is because she’s loved by so many others that i don’t think my depictions of her do her any good. i’m constantly compared to other artists, and it’s never good. even in the threads, i’m told i should be more like those other artists and these things wouldn’t happen to me. i am not allowed to love kagerou imaizumi. i draw her as a hairy trans lesbian, and that disgusts people. hell, the fact that i draw lesbians in general disgusts people, which sure fucking sucks because i constantly hate myself for not being attracted to men and being able to draw happy lesbians made me feel better about myself. but i’ve ruined kagerou for so many people, especially with my stupid kagewaka bullshit. maybe that’s why those artists unfollowed me. maybe it’s a combination of that and my constant breakdowns becoming far too annoying. i think all the popular artists who used to like me and then unfollowed/softblocked me are really glad to see that i’ve given up. and that’s something else that saddens me too--even as an artist, in my own community of touhou artists, i often feel like i’m lesser, and that i don’t belong. maybe it’s because i’m so foolishly outspoken about my opinions that they dislike me. maybe it’s because i’m a woman, and a lesbian at that. i don’t really know why they hate me so much. i wish i could belong somewhere.

and i think that’s what it all boils down to in the end. i’ve lost all sense of belonging. when i was 14 and people started noticing my art for the first time, i finally felt like i had something. like i belonged somewhere. after being bullied through middle school and having to deal with abusive friends and an abusive dad, it meant the world to me that i finally had something. but it didn’t last long at all. it all came crashing down, not just because of others, but because of me. i was the one who was cocky, getting into fights that weren’t worth it. i was the one who provoked people and made them hate me. i was the one who complained about /jp/ posting my art in their threads. i know people want to believe that i’m a saint, but i’m not. i have myself to blame too. i at least want everyone to understand this, above all else. there was so much i could have done differently to prevent this all from happening, but i didn’t. i was stupid and naive. i was a massive fucking idiot, and now look where i am. i lost everything. i thought i had friends, i lost them. i thought i loved art, i lost that. i thought other really talented nice people liked me, i even lost that. all i have now is an empty shell of my former self. i don’t know what to do with it. i don’t know how i’m going to rebuild myself. it’s so painful to have to keep living like this. i don’t know if there’s any fixing me at this point. i’ve lost so much, i feel permanently broken.

but despite all of that, despite everything i’ve been through, i still receive so much love and support from my followers and friends and it means so much to me. it means the world to me and has kept me going through all of this. knowing that people care about me and want to see me get better and improve makes me want to try to fix myself even if i am broken beyond repair. i just want to thank you all for being that source of strength for me. these past few years have been so hard for me and time and time again i still get love and encouragement from so many people. from the bottom of my heart, thank you. there is nothing more precious to me than those moments when i feel like i do truly belong, when i feel loved, when i feel like i’m not alone after all. for those moments, i’ll keep trying. even if these threads keep continuing and breaking me further, i’ll keep trying. even if every last artist in this fandom comes to hate me and my shitty art, i’ll keep trying. it’s still painful to draw right now and i have a long way to go before i can share art with anyone again, but for you all, i’m going to keep trying my best. at the end of the day, i know everyone’s encouragement and love is worth far more than hate threads urging me to kill myself. 

i’m sorry how long and personal and unnecessary this is, but i felt like i had to set things straight. if you read all of this, i applaud you. if you just kinda skimmed through to read the last paragraph, i also appreciate it. again, thank you. 

[sxvxrxssnape]

my diet these days have been wildly fluctuating between being vegan bc that's what i ultimately have wanted to be for like 4+ years, switching to vegetarian after a few weeks (namely when groceries run out and i don't have much money) bc it's cheaper and i have severe anxiety when it comes to eating out/with others and it's easier to simply request no meat than no animal product altogether, to being so fucking depressed i can't bother with food/don't even care to eat so I just rely on whatever my husband makes/brings home and it's always meat based but at that point I could care less and it continues until either im so god damn tired of feeling sick all the time (ive been vegetarian for 70% of the last 6 years, and vegan for about 20% it, so my body just doesn't like eating differently and i only went vegan in the first place bc i was constantly feeling ill) or my food anxiety over what I'm eating finally overtakes my depression of not wanting to stay alive, and I go back to being vegan

but the problem with fluctuating so constantly based on my moods is that it makes interacting with people so difficult. it's a constant "wait I thought you didn't eat meat" and "but you ate the barbeque we made last week :( I tried something new with the smoker and I'm really proud of it :(" which makes me feel awful and i just give in and eat it but my anxiety is yelling at me for eating things that aren't on my safe list but my self hatred eats at me if I don't bc then I have to tell my husband, who went out of his way after work to splurge on a food item my anxiety can't handle right now because "you said you were having a bad day and i just wanted to cheer you up :(" that I don't want it and wow doesn't that make me look ungrateful

like my ideal would be a mainly vegetarian diet with vegan things mixed in whenever I can afford it/just feel like having it and the only thing stopping me from living like that is the anxiety of being a burden to the people around me/being labeled as difficult bc I won't eat something. I tend to only eat vegan at home and when I see a cool already vegan menu item and vegetarian is such a low maintenance request but the idea of having any request makes me anxious (and it's so god damn difficult, I have trouble asking if I can get a fucking crunchwrap with no tomatoes bc I feel im asking for too much) and i hate attracting attention towards myself when food is involved i hate it hate it I hate it i hate everything about it and eating it and the way foods not on my safe list makes me feel and how it feels like I'm suffocating from it

my only real saving grace right now is being pregnant i can just brush it all off with "oh im trying to keep it vegetarian like I was before but sometimes the baby is just really craving fried chicken haha :)" despite the fact that i have had zero cravings and I'm only eating x bc at this point it's that or starve myself and I'm too tired to think about food and it's a good excuse for why I'm constantly jumping from diet to diet, but I'm kinda wondering what im gonna do after the baby is born, but I'm hoping it gets better and i stop feeling like a stranger in my own body and feel more in control after the baby is born bc I can't look at my god damn reflection or keep my hands from measuring the circumference of my thighs to make sure they're still the same size and my eyes/body dysmorphia are just playing tricks on me and they're not suddenly 3x in size, and maybe everything will go back to normal after all this bc I am so god damn tired of still having food anxiety after like 7 fucking years

Sometimes I wish I was an annoying vegan animal rights activist who remained committed to their diet for the animals but i only did it for health reasons/it was the easiest step to recovery after finally reaching a breaking point with my eating disorder but apparently I never got past the "its okay to eat as long as it's healthy" step bc now whenever my depression throws my life to the side i stop caring about what I eat bc I stop caring about being alive and then its just a matter of time until my anxiety about food is worse and it's a constant cycle of it all and I'm fucking tired m8. i used to say I had an eating disorder. Had. But I'm starting to think it never actually went away. It just found a different way to manifest.

[lovebunnie]

Do all the asks coward

1. what does your wallet look like?

-i got it as a present from my uncle for christmas and its really expensive but also so ugly im sorry uncle tom. its like that ‘southern fashion’ bullshit that white MAGA moms wear. but it was better than my old wallet, which looks like this and i got when i was 12:

2. favorite color?

- baby pinnk

3. do you own a pride flag, or more than one?

-heres the thing: my parents basically know im not straight but i havent told them. my brother has thought i was a lesbian since freshman year, i have a small pride pin on my backpack, ive never been on a date, its complicated. but no, i dont have one. maybe one day, hopefully.

4. describe your favorite outfit

-black pants, platform doc martens, hoodie under a jean jacket, one clip on earring, and holding my crushes hand :]

5. when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter, and what’d she do?

-okay so theres this girl in my theatre class who is really cute, and she put her head on my shoulder and shes pagan so she drew a little sigil on my arm that means “safe and homely” so like :)))))))))))))

6. do you use nail polish?

-i do, i mostly do black tho

7. do you keep organized?

-absolutely. i have things online filed accordingly, i pick out my outfits the day before, my binders are neat, i learned how to army fold my shirts, i keep my shit CLEAN

8. ever take naps?

-only accidentally. ill be laying in bed watching youtube and next thing you know my autoplay has me watching a markiplier video even tho i dont like him and its 4 hours later

9. who was your first crush?

-idk if this is a real person or not so ill do both. my first fake person crush was either troy from high school musical or frankie stein from monster high. and my first real crush was on a boy named dominic in elementary school. i told him i liked him at the end of 5th grade because i thought i was switching schools but then i didnt and we never spoke again.

10. what are your crush tendencies? fall hard or often?

-both both both. i am the worst with crushes. i have crushes all the time because im romantic and a fucking fool. i have 3 crushes off the top of my head rn and i like them all for different reasons. thats not to say that i want to date them, but its that i like them a lot and i kinda wanna kiss their cheek or hold their hand idk

11. describe your ideal day

-play overwatch with my best friend (u gonble >:) ) then hang out with my cat, go get a smoothie, buy some cool shoes or something, take a shower and be asleep by 9 :,)

12. describe your ideal date

-i have stated that build a bear is an amazing first date and im NOT BACKING DOWN. ITS CUTE AS FUCK AND ILL ACCEPT NOTHING LESS!!

13. whats your favorite food?

-either sushi or strawberries :3c

14. who do you feel most comfortable around?

-my theatre class, people from camp, and gobble

15. what is your favorite compliment to receive?

-i dont have a favorite, any and all are going to make my face go red so i have to cover it and maybe make me cry

16. did you/do you like highschool?

-the first 3 years fucking sucked but senior year has been amazing so far. mostly because i just kinda stopped giving a fuck but its amazing

17. favorite animal?

-i think its cats now. i really like cats

18. do you like your name?

-eh, its okay. its pretty but also it seems like there are 60 million fucking people named grace and its so annoying. i wish it was something more unique idk

19. what kind of weather is your favorite?

-a light rain. no swinging trees or thunder, just lots of rain. its nice to stay inside and feel secure

20. do you believe in horoscopes?

-absolutely not. but theyre fun if you like them

21. tell us about your music taste

-its horrific. to sum it up, my two favorite musicians are the gorillaz and frank sinatra. take from that what you will

22. have you had your first kiss? if so, what was it like?

-i havent had my first kiss yet. gonna be honest, i felt like i was going to, a few times at camp and recently when classes ended. but yeah, nothing yet

23. did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a kid?

-i went thro cycles of favorites. but one ive had for years is a plush shadow the hedgehog from universal studios i got when i was 6. i used to carry him around, even to a pool once

24. what time do you usually wake up and go to bed?

-if you know me, you know i go to bed ridiculously early. i usually get tried at around 6pm and fall asleep between 7:45 and 8:30. and i always wake up before 6 am. i havent slept past 6 am continuously since the end of junior year. please help me

25. what dream trip would you take with your wife?

-maybe to go explore new york, just the two of us that sounds like fun :]

26. do you have any pets?

-i have 2 dogs and a cat. the family owns the dogs but that cat is mine

27. what pair of underwear is your favorite?

-uhhhhhhhhhhh i have some with rainbows that are cool? i dont have favorites, none of them are cute anyway

28. what makes you smile?

-funny jokes make me smile real hard, and if you compliment me at the right time, i kind of pull my legs up and hide my face? its cute and charming i promise

29. what makes you feel heavy?

-in both the physical and metaphorical sense, eating bread

30. what makes you feel better?

-watching bo burnham always makes me feel better, hes my go to whenever im really depressed

31. how do you show your love?

-i show my love in everything i do. everything i do is for love, i love love so much its sickening

32. when is it time to get a haircut?

-whenever u want to lol?

33. where would you live if you could live anywhere?

-maybe san francisco, its beautiful and i love the city

34. do your friends and family take good care of you?

-as much as i allow them to. sometimes i go days without communicating and i know thats annoying but my friends put up with it (they shouldnt have to, i know) and my family is okay. its cliche to say, but they honestly dont understand what im going thro alot of the times, esp with my anxiety and shit

35. have you always used the labels you use now?

-back in the beginning of highschool, i used they/them pronouns and identified as asexual/aromantic. eventually, it didnt feel right, so i know identify as cis and bisexual and that feels right to me

36. what makes you laugh?

-my friends, when people shit talk gobble and i in overwatch even tho???? we didnt know him?????? and the mcelroys always get me

37. who is your favorite fictional character?

-too many options, see list here

38. who do yo admire?

-my father when hes not threatening to throw my phone into a fucking lake and my friends for putting up with me

39. describe yourself in three words

-i am baby

40. how long does it take you to get ready in the morning? 

-usually about 45 min, more or less as each day goes

41. what do you wish you could tell your younger self?

-listen: STOP GIVING A FUCK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE. YOU WILL NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN, BE YOURSELF. STOP HIDING AND BEING SCARED OF YOURSELF, BE GENUINE!!!!

42. what would you do if you win the lottery?

-get my parents settled, see about other family members, and then distribute the money to charities accordingly, starting with flint and getting them water

43. would you call yourself a romantic?

-yes

44. what is your gayest childhood memory?

-my mom had cosmos magazines

45. do you have tattoos or want any?

-i dont have any tattoos but ive been obsessed with them since the 6th grade. id love to get tattoos, i just dont know what or where and also im afraid of pain

46. whats your worst habit?

-either biting my thumbs, starving myself, or ghosting my friends. prob ghosting my friends

47. what are you proud of?

-i guess coming out of my shell finally? idk, i actually have friends now and it feels amazing tbh. im in 5 group chats now. i havent been in a group chat since 6th grade. :))))))

48. did you know that youre actually a gift to the world, for real?

-hi i love you?

49. whats your favorite memory?

-there are so so many. but what comes to mind first is our dance night at camp where we all stood outside and i finally gave ian my tumblr and we all ran inside to dance to mr. brightside then ran outside again and we requested nightcore and rivers was fucking dancing their hearts out and we all sang along and im going to crying just typing this out

50. do you have a sweet tooth?

-i guess so. too much makes me feel like shit but i do really enjoy smarties

51. what do you like most about yourself?

-this is dumb, but my sense of style. since i got a job ive been wearing shit i actually like and its amazing. ill admit i have cool clothes

52. what makes you fall for a girl?

-besides acknowledging me, probably getting to know me and not like, putting me on a pedestal. idk its weird, ive met a lot of people this year who like to place me so high it feels like i cant make a mistake around them without disappointing them. idk, i want someone to call me out on my bullshit instead of assuring me im okay. i want to know what i do wrong so i can fix it

53. make a recommendation

-for what? uhh okay for music, listen to ‘clay pigeons’ by michael cera (yes i know michael cera) and for television, watch bojack horseman and for movies, watch the docuseries called ‘7 days out’ on netflix

54. have you ever had your heart broken?

-yeah, when i broke up with maddy because we werent ready to date. i cared and continue to care about her and i didnt want to hurt her but i knew its what we both needed. its what i needed, atleast. and i cant be a good girlfriend if i feel like im doing badly. but also ive had friends break my heart and family break my heart. but im okay now, this heart is ready to be broken again

55. when do you feel most yourself?

-def when i was at camp, that place is magical in the way it allows you to be yourself. but also when i talk to gobble because hes my best friend and when im at college, we can talk more and its gonna be dope as shit

56. name a gorgeous celeb

-jake gyllenhaal jake gyllenhaal jake gyllenhaal 

57. what are some of your favorite songs this week?

-fake happy by paramore, im not okay (i promise) by my chemical romance, tomorrow comes today by gorillaz

58. tell us 2 or your biggest hopes and fears

-biggest hopes: i publish a book someday & i get a job doing something i love

-biggest fears: i end up homeless and broke & something horrific happens in college

59. what flavor chapstick/lipbalm is the best?

-raspberry i guess

60. are you okay?

-i answered a lot more honestly then i shouldve for some of these and i start new classes tomorrow so im feeling really anxious so im doing alright i guess.

gobble you test me but i do love you

[more-pokeimagines]

Im back for another little song fic my friend ehehehe! A Million dreams from “The greatest Showman” for Gold (or Red if you prefer) with the reader when their children and the adult half of the song is when they’ve grown up? I love the songs from that movie.

You really need to stop requesting songfics for songs like that!! :D I fell in love with it the second I heard it, and now I can’t stop listening to that song!! :D Anyway, here’s your songfic, and I really hope you like it. :) 

A million dreams

I close my eyes and I can see

The world that’s waiting up for me

That I call my own

Through the dark, through the door

Through where no one’s been before

But it feels like home.

Gold was always the one in his group of friends who had the wildest dreams. He wanted to change the world, he wanted equality for everyone and he often imagined himself as the hero who achieved all of that. He was only eleven, then.

But that didn’t stop him from dreaming of a better world, a world that was waitingout there. He knew you could make it a better place. He wanted to make it a better place, not just for himself but for everyone else out there. His parents laughed every time when he told them about his plans and ruffled his hair.

“Our Gold”, they said. “Always so fussy.”

It hurt him that they made fun of his dreams. That they didn’t believe in him. Shouldn’t they support him in every way possible? But instead they wrote his plans off as if they were just the crazy ideas of a kid. They told him that he needed to focus on school instead of daydreaming about a better world that would never be real. “You can change the world when you have a proper job”, his father used to say in a strict tone.

And his mother added: “You’re eleven, Gold. You can’t change everything out there.”

Of course, he could. He thought about it every night, and he wouldn’t give up, just because his parents didn’t believe that he could do something about the injustice that ruled this world. Someday, he’d fulfill your dream, and then, he thought, they would be proud of him. Then his parents wouldn’t need to badmouth everything he did.

They can say, they can say it all sounds crazy,

they can say, they can say I’ve lost my mind.

I don’t care, I don’t care, so call me crazy.

We can live in a world that we design.

As the time passed, he didn’t talk to anyone about his plans and dreams anymore. His parents didn’t ask him about them, either. They were pleased that he brought home good grades, and he soon understood that his marks were everything that mattered to them. “You’re a clever boy, Gold,” his father told him. “You surely can get an amazing job once you graduated from school.”

He hated the way how his father spoke to him. Grades, good jobs, money. Weren’t there more important things to think about?

And one day, he couldn’t hold himself back anymore. At the diner table, he told his parents that he didn’t care about having lots and lots of money as long as there were people out there who were starving because they couldn’t afford food. People who couldn’t afford anything. His father left the room after glaring at him with a spark of disdain in her eyes while his mother quietly shook her head as if she couldn’t believe that her son really said something like that. “I thought it was just a phase,” she sighed. “But you’re still a starry-eyed-idealist.”

“Well, someone has to be.”

After that episode, he had grabbed his jacket and left the house to clear his mind. He was so mad, especially at his father. He couldn’t understand how someone could be so ignorant like he was. But in the end, it wasn’t the fact that his father only cared for money that made him angry – it was the fact that he didn’t have faith in his own son and that he always tried to ridicule Gold’s dreams.

He kicked at a stone in frustration. Why wasn’t there someone who understood him? Even his old friends called him crazy sometimes, and it hurt that he was the only one who thought about the future. That he was the only one who wanted to do something meaningful when he had grown up.

And then, one day, he met you.

They can say, they can say it all sounds crazy,

they can say, they can say we’ve lost our minds.

I don’t care, I don’t care if they call us crazy.

Run away to a world that we design.

You lived together with your mom, and you were everything Gold could have wished for. Because your mom did a lot of charity work, you shared his ideals, his dreams about a better world. You didn’t care that everyone else at your age called you foolish and stupid for having dreams like that. Instead of arguing with them, you just smiled and told them that there was nothing foolish about doing something for a brighter future.

Soon enough, Gold and you became close friends. The two of you could spend hours on ranting about the way the world could be and the possibilities you had to make your dreams come true.

“The world can just be as good as the people who live in it,” you always said, and Gold agreed with all his heart. Your generation needed to understand that they could form the world, that they had the possibility to design a whole new world if they worked hard enough. But most of the kids at your school didn’t care about their future yet. All they thought of were computer games, comics and other stuff like that. They were too narrow-minded to understand what they could achieve.But you… you were exactly like him, and he was more than happy to share his dreams with you.

Every night I lie in bed

The brightest colors fill my head

A million dreams are keeping me awake

I think of what the world could be

A vision of the one I see

A million dreams is all it’s gonna take

A million dreams for the world we’re gonna make.

The years passed and the both of you still shared your dreams, though you went different paths after graduation. While Gold wanted to spend some time abroad to help where his help was needed, you decided to stay in your hometown and help your mother with her charity work. You even did some volunteer work in an orphanage.

“You can change the world,” you told the children there every night before you put them to bed. “A million dreams is all it’s gonna take. You need to believe in your dreams and in yourself, and then you can achieve anything you want. Just don’t stop believing that you can do it.”

“What’s your dream?” the children asked – as they did the evening before. You smiled and put a finger to your lips. “That’s my secret.”

In fact, you didn’t dream about a better world anymore. Well, at least it wasn’t your only dream, especially not since Gold went away. You wanted to have your friend back. Someone to make plans with, someone who understoodperfectly what you were trying to say when you were at a loss for words. You wanted him to come back, more than anything else in the world.

However big, however small

Let me be part of it all

Share your dreams with me

You may be right, you may be wrong

But say that you’ll bring me along

To the world you see.

It took him three more years to come back to you. You picked him up at the airport, and when he came out of the building, you let out a scream and ran towards him to throw your arms around his neck. He pulled you close, laughing and patting your back. “Missed you too, (Y/N).”

“What, a lousy hug is all I’m gonna get? You were away for five years,” you teased. “You really need to think of something better than a hug.”

Gold raised an eyebrow as he looked at you. “What did you expect? A kiss?”

“Maybe,” you replied in a sassy tone and laughed as his face turned almost as red as his shirt. “I mean, I waited long enough for you to make the first move and my patience is about to run out, so you better do something right now, or you can change the world alone.”

“That would be so boring,” Gold mumbled as he put two fingers under your chin to lift your head up. His breath ghosted over your face like a soft touch, and you closed your eyes as his lips brushed against yours in a chaste, hesitant kiss. You had always imagined that your first kiss was like fireworks and a burning fire inside. But instead, it felt soothing and gentle, and you buried your hands in Gold’s dark hair to pull him closer.

Maybe both of you were dreamers, but as long as you were together, you didn’t care.

Every night I lie in bed

The brightest colors fill my head

A million dreams are keeping me awake

A million dreams, a million dreams

I think of what the world could be

A vision of the one I see

A million dreams is all it’s gonna take

A million dreams for the world we’re gonna make

For the world we’re gonna make. 

[slusheeduck]

Rule: Answer 11 questions and ask 11 more

UNLESS YOU’RE SLUSHEE.

THEN YOU ANSWER 44.

SO HERE WE GO, YOU MONSTERS.

@alreadyinmotion (I’M ONLY ANSWERING ONE SET)

Podcast/music you’re listening to right now? Well, RIGHT now I’m listening to “Celtic Music for Sleep,” but recently it’s been a lot of Elder Scrolls. For “Sonance” I listened to Mozart’s Klarinnettenkonzert and the MITJ soundtrack, including just Lisztomania (the theme version) for four hours straight.

You can have anything in the world to eat right now.  What is it? I just ate, so I’m not that hungry. But I guess I could go for some tonkatsu ramen.

Zodiac sign? Cancer.

What’s something you’re excited to do this week? GOING TO DISNEY TO TRY MY LUCK AT GETTING A MIGUEL MUG.

Favorite article of clothing? My oversized flannel shirts.

A food you want to try? Oden. God, I want to try oden so bad.

Favorite food when you’re sick? Plain noodles. Coincidentally also my favorite “It’s 3 am and I’m drunk and starving” food (if chips/fries are not an option.)

Favorite thing to do for others? Make them laugh.

Your best friend/sibling/S.O. wants to hang out! What do you do together? Best friend: Binge on anime. Sibling: Binge either Baking Championship or Real Housewives.

What’s something you’re proud of? Honest to god I am so proud of the fics I’ve put out for the Coco fandom. While I haven’t been ashamed of my fics, I’ve never been like HEY LOOK AT THIS I LIKE THIS THING I MADE before now.

What’s something you want to plug in and have people check out ;)  (Promote your OCs, AUs, webcomics, etc! Or your friends! BOAST, ALL YOU CREATIVE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE) Well, if you want an idea of what my original stuff is like, Wit reminded me today that I have my script Troubadour on my original works page. So, yanno, maybe check that out? I’m constantly ready to talk about “Hates Everything About Adventuring” Caena and Murder Goblin Edrys.

@im-fairly-whitty

1. What part of a creative project excites you the most? Probably writing out intense emotional scenes--any scene where someone breaks down into tears or, more favorably, explodes in a rage that becomes tears is when I’m at my writing peak.

2. If you could teleport anywhere in the world RIGHT NOW but could only stay for 45 minutes where would it be and why? I think I’d go to Paris. I love Paris a lot, but the whole travel aspect is not great. So if I could just pop over and get some bread or whatever, that’d be super rad.

3. Favorite animal. WHY ARE YOU ASKING HARD QUESTIONS WIT. Let’s say a penguin. Because I would absolutely be a penguin if I could.

4. If you where a dog what breed would you be? I’ve actually been doing a lot of dog research lately for reasons, and I think I’d be a shiba inu.

5. Favorite trait you value in a friend. Not being socially draining. It’s kind of a weird trait that is entirely based on my own perception of the person, but as someone who’s almost cripplingly introverted, it’s so nice to find people I can spend time with and not feel like I need to hide for a week afterward. 

6. Favorite season? Moodwise: Fall. Weather-wise: Spring.

7. Coolest injury/scar story you have (if you want to tell it). I dislocated my knee because I got too excited about a boy and I sprained my wrist in show choir.

8. What color would you paint your bedroom if you could choose? Honestly? Like a nice warm brown, maybe with darker stripes.

9. Favorite TV show. Right now probably Mozart in the Jungle.

10. Something you’re proud of? I ALREADY ANSWERED THIS I DON’T NEED TO BE PROUD OF MYSELF ANYMORE.

11.Superpower you would most want to have

Shapeshifting. I cannot express my frustration at having to look like the same person all the time.

@upperstories

If you could have any kind of pet with the means to care for it properly, what would it be? A lion. I freaking love lions.

Favorite time of day/night? There’s about five minutes when the sun’s setting, when it’s just dipped below the horizon, where the sky’s still lit but the trees and buildings look like black paper cutouts against it. That’s absolutely my favorite time of day.

Favorite color palette I’m a sucker for neutral, foresty shades. Greens are my fave.

Are you a swimmer or a sand-castle sculptor? I am a “Why did you want to come to the beach so bad, Slushee, you hate the beach and you know you hate the beach but you kept whining about how you wanted to ‘feel the ocean air’ and now you’re here and you hate it but you can’t go home yet because the drive would have been a waste so I guess we’re going to sit here and sulk for an hour”-er.

If you ever got to meet your hero(ine) what would you talk about? I’m terrible when I meet people I look up to, so I’d probably just stammer into silence and slam my head into a camera. That’s what I did when I met Lee Unkrich.

Clearance Aisle or Thrift Store? Both.

If you had enough money for the house if your dreams, where would you live and why? I’d live in a fancy loft in a hipster-y city. I’d love to check out Boston, but I don’t know if I’d want to live there. Paris is another good option, except that I’d have to speak French all the time. 

It’s raining like crazy outside. How does that affect your mood? TIME TO OPEN ALL THE WINDOWS AND LISTEN TO IRL RAINYMOOD.

Would you rather go on an adventure by yourself and make new friends on the way, or depart on an adventure with the friends you now have? I went on an adventure by myself, and it was a wonderful experience. I think I’d like to go on one of those again, but for now I’m very happy just staying home.

Favorite sound? Moving water. The sea, a river, the rain. So long as water’s moving I’m loving it.

Would you rather journey to the very bottom of the ocean or to outer space? Space is infinitely less scary than whatever’s going on with our oceans.

@calliopesquill

1. What do you wish more people knew about you? I wish more people knew how much I love pretty things. I’m a complete sucker for pretty things.

2. What place or thing in the world would you most like to see? Right now I really want to go to Japan. 

3. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? When I was REALLY little, I wanted to be a dentist. Then I became more sensible and wanted to be an actress.

4. What style of clothing do you think you look silly in? I look TERRIBLE in rompers. It’s a disgrace.

5. What would your alebrije be? (Yes, you can pick more than one!) My cat would absolutely be my alebrije, Pepita-style. Except grumpier and more demanding.

6. What movie are you most looking forward to this year? Uh...I honestly don’t know what movies are coming out. Wreck It Ralph 2 looks pretty interesting.

7. What is your favourite thing to cook? Onigiri’s pretty fun to make.

8. What is one skill you would like to learn? I really want to learn how to paint someday.

9. What book do you think everyone should read? OKAY THIS IS TOUGH BECAUSE BOOKS THAT TOUCH ME WILL PROBABLY NOT TOUCH YOU SO IDK.

I do think Ella Enchanted is a must for most little girls, though. That’s where I learned that main character girls could be angry and feisty and sarcastic, and it’s been a huge influence on all my writing.

10. What is your Hogwarts house? SLYTHERIN.

11. If you could dress like/make a costume of any character, who would it be? Is it cheating if I’m already making an Hector costume for Halloween?

OKAY NOW TIME FOR MY QUESTIONS.

You get to visit any historical time period. Where do you go?

You’ve switched places with your most recent favorite character. How screwed are you and why?

Come up with a catchphrase. This isn’t a question it’s an order.

What’s your usual soundtrack while doing creative things (or do you work in silence?)

What’s something you consider a guilty pleasure?

Tell us about the last book/short story/fic you read.

Talk about an animal. Just like, any animal.

What’s your favorite part about the medium you work with (art, writing, music, chemicals, whatever)?

Beach or forest?

What’s a style you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t been able to get the nerve/money to go for?

What’s a lyric that gets stuck in your head easily?

TAGGING 11 PEOPLE

WELL JOKE’S ON YOU GUYS, THE ONES WHO GOT TAGGED ABOVE ARE PART OF THIS QUESTION HELL.

JOINING THEM ARE @scribblrhob @lacendydreamer @seasidefanasties @humanityinahandbag @beckytailweaver @geod23 @white-throated-packrat

ENJOY.

[shakingsphere]

i just like doing these

1. Do you like who you are? no ive never liked myself very much

2. What would people say about you at your funeral? i don’t know probably something about being smart and honest

3. What would you regret not doing in your life? i dont like thinking about my past but many not trying hard enough the first time i tried to od...

4. What’s the wisest thing you have ever heard someone say? idk 

5. What lessons in life did you learn to hard way? it took me a long time to learn when to quit

6. How often do your biggest worries and fears come true? they dont and i take too much lexapro to worry these days

7. If you had one year left to live, what would you try to achieve? i’d probably just travel

8. Do you serve money or does money serve you? i don’t think about money a lot as long as i can buy nic and coffee

9. Are you afraid of being your true self around others? Why? no. i dont thinks there’s a thing as a ‘true self’ just different versions of yourself

10. What are you grateful for? financial stability and being able to go to college 

11. Have you done anything you are proud of lately? nope! 

12. Have you made any recent acts of kindness? i doubt it!

13. If you knew that you would die tomorrow, what questions would you ask yourself? i’d just go to bed no point asking questions

14. If your biggest fears came true, would it matter in five years from now? yes. 

15. How would you describe yourself? depressed. but funny and smart ig

16. Do you take people’s advice? sometimes but i think taking advice is hard because im so bad at giving the full picture

17. Do you get quickly offended? not really, it depends

18. Do you consider yourself to be a likable person? no lol

19. ‘We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give’ – What does this mean to you? hard work i dont know

20. Are you enriching the lives of others? i doubt it

21. Are you living a meaningful life? no

22. What makes a meaningful life? contributing something and being happy

23. Would you ever give up your life to save another? depends on the person 

24. How much would you be willing to sacrifice for people in poverty? what do you mean? i’d pay higher taxes and stuff

25. If you could live one day over and over again, what would you choose to do? i wouldn’t want that

26. Do you think you are important and worthy of affection and love? no. 

27. What would make you feel more worthy? What do you believe needs to be different about you? i need to stop being sad

28. What brings you down the most often? boredom 

29. Would you rather work less (and do the things you enjoy) and have less money? yes

30. Where do you find peace? sitting by streams

31. What is the most important quality you look for in another person? sense of humor

32. What is your biggest dream in life? to be successful and respected

33. What is your biggest fear? failure

34. How would the world be different if you had never been born? it literally wouldn’t. my parents wouldn’t have daughters i guess. 

35. What life lessons do you wish you knew 10 years ago? i was a child i needed to learn first. 

36. If you could tell your younger self one thing, what would it be? join the track team

37. If your life was a movie, what would the title be? bedtime

38. If your life was a movie, would you enjoy watching it? depends on the director

39. What does success mean to you? i feel like i already answered this

40. If you could be a different person, who would you be? yes

41. What was the best day of your life? Why? i dont know probably my last real date with my ex...

42. What do you look forward to most in life? being happy one day

43. What bad habits do you want to ditch? i want to start keeping my room clean

44. Who do you look up to and why? my mom, shes just really hard working

45. Do you know your partners love language? i dont have a partner

46. Do the people you love most know how much you love them? im sure they do

47. Are you satisfied with the depth of your relationships? yeah

48. What do you owe yourself? sleep

49. Based on your current day-to-day life, what do you expect to achieve in 5 years from now? a MA!

50. Do you say ‘yes’ too often when you really want to say ‘no’? Why? yes, i dont get offered things very often so sometimes i feel like i have to say yes

51. What did you learn yesterday? i think my childhood friend is hot and we like the same anime lmao

52. What do you like about yourself? im smart

53. Would you consider yourself to be a generous person? yeah

54. Do you really listen when people talk to you? yes ofc

55. What is the number one change you need to make in your life this year? ugh i should probably quite vaping but maybe start working out again

56. How many hours per week do you spend on the internet? too many

57. What are your most common negative thoughts? Are they logical? im literally suicidal 

58. Do you think it’s too late to do certain things in your life? Why? yes because they’re things i would have had to start when i was younger but thats not important anymore.

59. If you could be the most influential person in the world, what would you change? redistribute wealth probably 

60. How much time do you spend with your family and friends? like a few hours a week. im not very social

61. Where do you want to be in 5 years from now? the east coast :)

62. Is your life complicated by unnecessary things? everyones life is

63. How can you simplify your life and focus on the most important things to you? bitch idk

64. What stresses you out? my sister

65. What makes life easier? having stuff i have to do

66. How often do you give without expecting anything in return? occasionally 

67. What is your greatest challenge? mental illness luv

68. What is most important to you in life? Are you giving it the time it deserves? idk idk

69. If you could send a message to the world, what would you say in 30 seconds? i dont have anything to say to the world. maybe redistribute the wealth?

70. What do you most regret never telling someone? that i loved them. 

71. When was the last time you tried something new? sucking balls 

72. Are you afraid to speak your own opinion? no

73. Do you give into others too often and feel resentful because of it? no

74. Are you holding onto something that you need to put behind you? probably

75. How often do you let your fears hold you back? i dont

76. Do the people in your life bring the best out of you? some do some don’t

77. How often do you make excuses? i try not to

78. What is one mistake that you will never do again? dating someone who couldn’t really commit then

79. Which is worse, failing or never giving it a shot? never trying

80. What has grown you the most as a person – your challenges and trials or the comfortable yet enjoyable moments in life? the challenges

81. If you could choose to have no more challenges or obstacles in life, would you? no what a pointless life. 

82. In one word, what is standing between you and your biggest goal? time and hard work!

83. How often do you go to bed feeling angry? i dont

84. Would it be wrong to steal in order to feed a starving child? no 

85. If you paid more attention to the sad things in this world, would you feel more conflicted about it? no

86. If we learn from our failures, then why is it so bad to fail? because its a sucky feeling and its embarassing to want something and not be able to get it

87. What could you pay more attention to in life? my cats

88. Why do we think of others the most when they’re no longer around? sad maybe

89. What does it look like to make the most of your life? idk i’ve never tried. maybe ill start a vlog channel on youtube

90. What have you given up on? eating more than 2x a day

91. How many people do you truly love and what are you doing for them? 4 or 5 and idk not worrying them

92. Do you ask enough questions, or are you happy to settle for what you already know? i think asking questions is a good thing

93. What were you doing when you last lost track of time? tiktok

94. Do you think you would be happy if you never had to work again? i think i would be bored

95. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? a baby

96. If you could ask for one wish, what would it be? to be good at math

97. What inspires you in life? idk art

98. What can you not live without the most? water

99. What do you enjoy doing over and over again? sleeping

100. When did you last laugh so much it hurt? i dont know

101. What is stopping you from living the life you want to live? the actual life i live