#im spoiling my own plans in my tags lol

[thursdaythunder]

his eyes are so pretty, i want them to watch me while i fall apart underneath him

idk where that really came from but now i'm having fanfiction ideas for this

[guiltiestlove]

you're so right, simon would be a needy guy lmao

soooo how about #15 from the smut prompts with simon :) he deserves to be taken care of

(I'll be 🥩 anon)

It’s been a long week and your boyfriend, Simon Blackquill, needs you.

Simon Blackquill x gn reader ~1080 words

N/SFW, MDNI !

cw/tags: blowjob, facefucking, deepthroating, hairpulling, kinda rough sex, petnames, established relationship

notes: i plan on editing/expanding on this a bit and uploading to ao3 bc hey i keep getting carried away LOL im still remembering how to write short things apparently lmfao

Your boyfriend had burst through the apartment door with a groan. Distractedly muttering grievances to himself, he neglected to see your resting figure on the couch and headed straight toward your shared room. While Friday evenings were usually scheduled for just the two of you, he had been tasked to stay late and finish up some particularly demanding casework today.

Thrilled to finally spoil your lover after such a grueling week, you quietly lift yourself off the sofa and make your way to the bedroom. The door’s hinges quietly squeak as you push the door fully open and rest your hand on the knob. The slightest smirk creeps up your face. “Hey, baby. Rough day?”

Simon’s eyes light up as he turns to you, like a switch is flipped. “Darling…” Having only taken off his coat and shoes, he stands hip cocked, tie askew. It’s a view somewhere between professional and casual that only you get to see. And it’s such a gorgeous view. He continues as you stare. “I did not see you in the living room.” With a hungry look of his own, he rolls up the sleeves of his white dress shirt, drawing your attention to his hands and arms. He takes one step forward, his eyes somehow focusing even more on you. “I assumed you to still be out picking up groceries.” You don’t even let him finish. Eagerly you move alongside him, grabbing his arm and dragging you both onto the bed.

With a huff you’ve pulled the large man on top of you, much to his surprise but even more to his delight. You respond intending to tease him slightly, “I got home a few hours ago! In fact I was waiting so very patiently for the most handsome man to come through the do—“ He’s staring at your lips and letting you speak until he can’t take it anymore. He interrupts you mid-taunt, and his lips feverishly meet yours, while your arms gladly wrap around his neck.

Almost begrudgingly, his mouth pulls away from yours. “You see, my patience has grown too thin, my love.” He can’t bear to move any farther away from you than this. Already your legs are tangled, breath fanning each other’s faces with hands running through hair. You search his face at this response—you want to see the fire in his eyes. But he greedily buries his face in your neck and grinds against you with pure desire. He leans toward your ear. “I need you. Please.”

You’d do anything for him in this moment. Now he’s biting and panting down your neck, and you can barely get your sentence out between moans. “Ah, Simon, tell me what you want, baby. Hhh-Anything for my good boy.” You feel him press his dick against you even harder, and your own wants are growing more difficult to ignore by the second. Managing to untangle himself from you for a brief moment, he unzips his pants and positions himself against the headboard, short of breath already. “My cock.. please.”

He watches you slink out of your shirt, and for a moment you’re still. His eyes are soaking in every inch of you as you then lick your lips and speak. “Simon…” You’re on your hands and knees now. “What do you want me to do to it? Tell me what you need.”

He takes a deep breath attempting to steady himself. “Your perfect mouth engulfing my cock. I need your warmth around me… I—I need you to devour me, my dove. Please. I beg.” He can barely get out the last words, he’s already so worked up.

You crawl towards him, slowly pulling down his briefs with your teeth. He hisses and slams his head back with probably too much force, but it’s an excited reflex. On your knees, you reach and feel up his sides while you arch your back, savoring his moans. Scraping your nails down his torso, you can’t wait any longer, and you lick from the base of his shaft to the tip, eliciting a drawn-out whine from your boyfriend. Caressing his balls with one hand, you slowly wrap your other around the base of his shaft and begin lightly kissing the tip of his cock.

His gaze could burn a hole through you, he wouldn’t dare take his eyes off this gorgeous sight. He carefully runs a hand through your hair and you lean into his touch. “I think you should—“ You kiss his hand. “—take what you need.” His face somehow turns paler, and his cock twitches in your hand. “A—ah..don’t hesitate to double tap, my love.” Your eyes are uncharacteristically blown out, and you throw a pillow onto the floor, clamboring down as quickly as possible. You can’t move or get the words out quick enough. “Of course—now please, Simon!”

The look on your face mixed with your desperate pleas gives him an intoxicating feeling of desire. You catch a glimpse of a sly, proud smile as he repositions himself. As he grabs a fistful of your hair, you excitedly grab at his hips and take him into your mouth. The weight of him on your tongue makes you dig your nails into his skin. Hesitantly he begins thrusting into you, checking your face, but that only turns him on more. Your half-lidded eyes, and dripping mouth are heavenly. His pace quickens and force grows, as you happily let him use your mouth as he needs. The mixture of slopping, wet noise with Simon’s ever-growing whimpering has you trying to grind against the empty air, you’re so desperate.

It’s almost too difficult physically to take him like this, but it feels so good, you don’t care how ruined your face and throat are right now. Moaning around his cock is too much for him. “God. Oh, fuck me. Ah..ah.. going to come..” Your tongue swirls around him, making sure to focus on his sensitive tip, as you forcefully help guide his hips in and out of your mouth at a rhythmic pace. With an ungodly cry and snap of his hips, you feel him release down your throat. The taste is delicious, only for you, and just makes you want more of him.

With a lick you remove his cock from your mouth, your face beautifully stained and hair completely disheveled. Simon is still staring down at you, just more relaxed and certainly more out of breath. He pulls you up for a kiss and whispers in your ear, “Now, my darling, tell me what it is you need.”

[goatsorcery]

>:3 Alright Frank, my turn. Please share your bg3 brain worms (tadpoles). Favorite character(s)? Preferred companions? Do you have a consistent party? If not, how do you choose your members at any given time? I am very curious if it’s the latter because as I mentioned, I don’t really ever switch it up.

you said in the tags of your answer to write as many paragraphs as my feelings can fill… and well… it’s a lot haha :)

i love all the characters so much! they're all so unique, interesting, and charming in their own way. i'm only in act 2 myself (about to finish it though i think) so i haven't gotten to see everyone's full stories yet. narrowing down a favorite is so hard! i change up my party every once in a while, but consistently i still always bring wyll or shadowheart so I guess they would be my favorites!

i love wyll so much, im always a sucker for characters who are able to stay postive and optimistic even through the worst of times. I also love characters (especially in fantasy) who are primed to be the main character either from their backstories or narratively (alistair in dragon age and aragorn in lord of the rings are other examples); wyll, who is a monster hunter but is first and foremost a protector of the people, (there are other details about him that I wont spoil for you that also lend to this) has all the makings of a classic fantasy protagonist, but he never expresses the desire to be the leader (i guess, unless the player plays as him haha) or to get any recognition for helping cure the tadpoles. other possibly-spoilery tid-bits about him that break away from or invert fantasy character archtypes help to really round out his character in an interesting way.

I loved shadowheart pretty much instantly (shadowheart and lae’zel being the first two companions you meet is everything, i love them both and their dynamic so much) shadowheart is a bit of a mystery, even to herself, which is fascinating to me. I find her whole story, so far, really interesting, and I’m excited to see where it goes and what else is learned about her through the rest of the game. i love characters who are so dedicated to one goal to the point that it’s all that matters to them and it’s all they are, but then the story challenges their dedication or pulls them from it for a larger cause.

i switch up my party every once in a while, but its usually just to swap out characters for quests that are relevant to them or that i think will prompt dialogue or approval from them. i think my game is a bit bugged, because i didn't even realize there was party banter until very late into act 1 (also just might be  because i fast travel a lot) so i've been switching out characters more to see what conversations they can have.

my go-to parties in act 1 were wyll, shadowheart, and lae’zel or wyll, karlach, and lae’zel (this was mostly because of combat game play, karlach and lae’zel with their extra attack or shadowheart as an extra healer was so helpful when I was still trying to learn the combat system).

in act 2 my go to party is wyll, shadowheart, and karlach, or wyll, shadowheart, and halsin depending on if im just exploring/doing side-quests or if i know I’ll run into heavy combat. karlach regularly one-shots enemies with 30+ hp and having her extra attack is the only way i get through combat most of the time (even on the easiest difficulty, combat continues to kick my ass).

when I reach act 3, I plan on mixing up my party more, depending on what’s in store for act 3 (I have surprisingly not been spoiled on anything that happens in act 3).

combat is the main reason why i don’t switch up my parties more since i get used to having certain spells or abilities. on my second play through (which I’ve already started planning even though im not close to being done with my first lol) i plan on trying to mix up my groups more to get more banter and to spend time with other characters I haven’t had much chance to. I rarely take gale or astarion with me (unless there is a relevant quest) but only because of combat, i feel like other characters have more useful abilities then they do. which is a shame because i like them both a lot, and want to get to know them better. my tav is a cleric, so that also factors in to party make-up. gale’s party banter is always bugged for me as well which is a bummer, the captions will pop-up but his voice lines never play.

one thing i like so much about the characters is that they all have interesting interpersonal dynamics. it really only comes up in banter and the occasional camp conversation but its enough to make it feel like they're all actually interacting in camp. whether or not they fully get along, they still all seem to care about each other which i love! its the friend group you'd never expect (most of who would probably not get along or get the chance to interact if the circumstances were different) but they all end up being close in some way or another. shadowheart and lae'zel's dynamic is especially a favorite of mine, i always love characters who don't get along on the surface but are actually "no one's allowed to be mean to them except for me". shadowheart and astarion are a bit like this too, with each other, and astarion with the rest of the companions as well. another one of my favorite party dynamics is wyll, shadowheart, and astarion; three people I wouldn’t have expected to really get along but the first time i had them all in my party I triggered like three conversations in a row where they were flirting with each other (my favorite of their banters is astarion saying he’d drink from wyll if he could chose anyone in camp after shadowheart asks him and then her sounding disappointed that he didn’t pick her. in my play through shadowheart then asked astarion if he was single less than a minute later lol).

my favorite character dynamics are:

wyll and karlach

wyll, astarion, and shadowheart

shadowheart and lae’zel

[greetings-humans]

introductory post (includes some interaction boundaries, more details on me (ao3 acc, etc) & a dni under the cut)

yeah it's about time I made one of those ig (disclaimer: I'll edit this, if/when the need comes)

hello there! im deelay! you can call me dee, if you want! [btw if you know my irl name, not here you don't unless we're DM-ing]

gender is so weird and I'm okay with any and all pronouns (barring it/its)!

for details on what to use when talking to me or about me (like pronouns and gendered terms etc) you can go here

-im a young adult and that's like all imma say age-wise. however please take that into account when interacting with my blog! some of the reblogs/posts here might not be what I'd have been okay with seeing when I was like under 14 or something. so yknow. exercise some modicum of caution please.

-currently in uni, studying to get an english degree (every new thing I learn about teaching makes me want to yell at some of the teachers I've known/had, did they even study in uni? did they even keep in touch with pedagogical studies?? definitely not, form what I can tell)

-I'm technically a writer? like I write,,, supposedly lmao. like all the greats, the one thing I never seem to do is yknow write-

I write sometimes, let's say. and I'm also really interested in writing my own crime fiction novel one day. but that's for some day in the future lmao

-definitely a reader tho (yes ao3 and i are in a committed relationship)

~

-im also very very aroace, so like, blanket disclaimer, even if you might think I'm thirsting over a character, im really not and it makes me uncomfortable when others think so (and tell me that) so yeah lol

my interests and fandoms are. a lot. for example (and in no particular order):

merlin (bbc): im watchin s2 rn(August 2024)! i finally decided to pick this up again and properly watch it! esp since i really wanna read The Once and Future Kings by tjmcharg & And like the cycle of the year, we begin again by katherynefromphilly and i can't do that if i watched the show lmao

the magnus archives: my first podcast! as of September 2024 I've started s4 and all I want is to relisten to really see how much everyone has changed in the span of 4 seasons🥺🥺 mind your spoilers, I don't always tag! and if you're in s1 frankly just persevere until halfway through s1 or s2 at least before interacting, there's a lot of spoilers for the setting going around because the actual explanation doesn't come until quite later even if u kinda figure some things out on your own

DC (the bats, mostly)

windbreaker (satoru nii): im constantly reading the new manga chapters as they come out so beware spoilers! the anime is really cool too<33 talk to me about my children (sakura, tsubakino, umemiya, kaji, hiragi, suo) and all of the other children ofc anytime!

riordanverse (pjo, hoo, magnus chase, a little bit toa, pjo show [which was def better than the movies but needs more screen time to fix up the pacing and add more depth in the appropriate moments])

fullmetal alchemist brotherhood! (i used to have roy on my pfp, he's my favorite character! i also wanna write a huge character analysis essay on him but uni responsibilities mean that's very slow going). im collecting the hardcover editions of the manga slowly, and i plan on reading the manga properly as i buy them!

star wars (prequels, kotor, clone wars)

criminal minds: (im at early s14 as of July 2024, so mind your spoilers humans)

jujutsu kaisen! (I'm just about to finish s2 as of April 2024 but I know what's happening by the end of s2 and I've given up on the storyline so spoil away, I'll just ignore you and live my life in my fanfic sandbox:] )

yuri on ice is an old love of mine (ice adolescence😭😭 one day😭😭 oh one day😭😭 so that was a fucking joke, mappa count your days and also im stealing viktor you can't have him, im gonna write iceado WITHOUT YOU) (well imma write it with a friend but like most importantly WITHOUT MAPPA and I urge all creative yoi fans that think they wanna try doing their own version of iceado to go ahead and give it a go!)

haikyuu!!: I'm all caught up, manga and anime-wise! also patiently waiting for the last (😭) movie that should've been a season but anyways they better not fuck this up too much- (update: battle of the garbage dumpster was wonderful even if they couldn't animate everything... it was just so short)

bungo stray dogs is also an old but semi-revived interest of mine (im pretty much up to date with the manga, just haven't read the light novels)

tian guan ci fu / heaven official's blessing (as of June 2024, I've finished s2 and tgcf is amazing it's wonderful, I've started book 1 and am currently procrastinating on reading it)

there's like. so much more

sooo muuuuch moooreeee

so I'll just let you figure the rest of it out

If you wanna see some of my thoughts without infinite scrolling, you can also search for the tag "deelay words".

Another tag of mine is "deelay's tbr" (which stands for "to be referenced") which you'll find at posts that really make me Think™ and that I want to keep in mind when I do anything creative with the characters involved.

When interacting with my blog, if you want to avoid spoilers at all costs, I suggest blocking the fandom tag because what you consider spoilers might not be what I consider spoilers if we're at different arcs of whatever that media is.

That said, I'd also appreciate it if you gave me a heads up on spoilers in any asks.

~

if you're here for any of my fics then well.

if you're here for pjo, um. those fics are truly discontinued/on indefinite hiatus. that hasn't changed. I watched the show and I'm actually reading pjo fics again from time to time so if I get inspired enough and manage to plan out a decent fic out of Percy Jackson Revealed,,,, then maybe there shall be a fic. But!!! I have no idea what the ending is gonna be, and without an ending I'm doing nothing because the chances of me dropping the fic (again) would be higher than my anxiety during exam season (aka very very high)

if you're here for the man behind neal caffrey tho!! hi, there. I am working on that sequel, don't worry. it's just long (im at like 7k or so iirc? and im not even halfway through yet) and I'm also working on uni and this other writing project I have going on. feel free to send me an ask with any questions or comments or whatever. august 2024 update: this project is very slow going tbh! i think i need to recalibrate some of my plans because it's so tiring to keep writing some of the stuff I've planned for. white collar crime cases are more tedious than expected. im also like on and off working on a double homicide case fic for criminal minds (that I think I'll rework to become an original thing) and it's coming out much more easily😭

unnamed grishaverse project: yeah so, I have a project going with my friend noel @fifteenth-entity, we're fixing the darkling! this fic will take place like around 50-100 years pre-alina, and will feature the darkling doing darkling things while that generation's most prominent grisha (aka a bunch of queers) also do things that may or may not affect the darkling. and his views. and personality. there may or may not be character development in the works. (there is, he gets better). this fic is canon divergent before canon even happens. the entire plot of shadow and bone will be eventually reworked. (also, no darklina, no darkling romance, in general, this boy needs to get mentally healthy first and foremost and I'm also writing him as aroace sooo) [for more info on this just search "unnamed grishaverse project", it's the tag I've used in like the only post about this. do feel free to send me an ask about this tho!!]

ice adolescence-esque fic: mappa fucked up majorly with canceling iceado and im supremely annoyed, mad, and upset. it just so happens that I was in the middle of my yoi renaissance era when the news came out so with my obsession going strong, I really wanted to try doing something with iceado. and then @athenov got roped in a la "be my coach co-conspirator/co-writer, viktor(ia)!". this is not going to be a very linear story, we're going around and about in different points in time. the first narrative follows viktor at 17ish deciding to try to ratify the quad flip and it includes some insight on his friends and family (who are OCs, im not sorry, his backstory is so barren, we had to!) and on how he ended up so alone by the time yoi was happening. the second narrative is post-yoi viktor coming back to russia ft yuuri, yuri & yakov. this is not a russian gov-positive fic. russian culture is very interesting and some russians are wonderful people —diversity is a thing, after all— but to be perfectly clear, fuck the russian government and everyone supporting their actions. what they're doing is inhumane. [posts about this project will be tagged as "dee & athenov's yoi fic"!]

~

Another thing: If you have a genuine, not malicious or mean-spirited, question, feel free to send me an ask. Keep it chill, though! if you try to pick a fight i will delete the ask for the first time, but on strike 2, you're blocked.

i like to think that I'm open to discourse on some topics but not if you're starting out all aggressively cause if you're aggressive, I will be defensive (while privately having a panic attack) and we're not gonna get anywhere. Not that I can't get aggressive sometimes when I'm annoyed/offended or sth, like I'm not perfect but this is a general rule of a thumb yknow. Try not to be aggressive. or prepare for an aggressive conversation if you are.

so. once again for the people in the back

If you're here to pick a fight with me then gtfo please.

I don't like fighting, it makes me anxious, so save us both the trouble and be as civil as you can be if you have a disagreement with me. don't forget to check my dni tho. I'm not gonna sit around having basic arguments about my rights to queerness as an aroace person or some stupid shit like that.

that said, unless I'm literally at your post saying shit you disagree with. don't come at me. literally block me. it's fine. I quite literally do not mind or care. like, if you saw my post or reblog and decided I suck then just block me will you?

~

Moreover, if you ever want fic recs for a fandom I'm in, you're definitely welcome to send me an ask! but if you don't feel like talking, anything I will ever tell you is straight from my ao3 bookmarks. sooo, feel free to hunt around those! [in case the link isn't working for you, my ao3 username is Justice_not_Revenge]

ao3 disclaimer: anything before 2021 is not necessarily something I claim. So like don't think I'm into this thing or that I'm passionate about this ship just because in 2019 I bookmarked 100 fics with it, people tend to grow and change so yeah.

some generic DNIs

if you're anti-lgbtq+ in any way (cmon im queer myself this one should be obvious)

if you support AI art or AIs stealing fic content (if you're the type to use other people's OCs in character.ai with no permission, then like go away and don't you dare touch my OCs without talking to me and getting my explicit permission first)

literally anyone who thinks violating someone's concent is nice and fun and quirky

racists, ableists, sexists/misogynists, incest shippers, pro-shippers, etc

okay that's all! thank youuu-

[brick-a-doodle-do]

Serenity Split au questions!!!

Okay so you probably won’t answer this because spoilers (I will ask despite this tho lol) but what happens when everyone does find out about what Tommy is?

And are there others from the over-world in the mortal realm doing what Tommy’s doing right now too that he knows? And if yes, are they able to recognise each other? Or even if he doesn’t know them can over world people recognise their own kind on the mortal plains?

And what do the tasks consist of? Like I know h d gotta get items and stuff but how obscure can some of the items be?

And when he gets them: what happens to the items? Do they just like sit in a box or does he like use a magic quill or something a mark an item with a symbol that makes it disappear??? Like what happens when he’s got an item or completed a task that Tommy knows he’s got the right thing?

And big big big question! Who finds out about Tommy first 👀 because I did some searching of the tags and I think I know who it is but idk lol. I’m also confused why Tommy would threaten to Dream about telling Techno something so very confused and intrigued!!

OKAY THANKS FOR ANSWERING HAVE THESE 🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭

SERENITYYYYYYYYY LETS GOOOOOO I'M SO EXCITED FOR THESE QUESTIONS IDEM THE SPOILERS >:DD THANK U SMSM BECKY :DDDD

i will say that i plan for a total of five people to know about him, and eventually they all just get over the shock and end up helping him. some take longer than others tho 👀

there could be! you never know. :)

and yes they would be able to recognize each other, purely from their features. i've not entirely figured it out and somehow forgot to mention it but tommy's wings come back in after he gets his first task, just to give him a lil boost. but for some reason i haven't figured out yet, if you haven't been to the overworld you can't see them. so only one other person (plus dream) can see them! which actually leads to the first reveal !!

the tasks are pretty different! there is only one that can be found in the mortal realm. all the other ones can be found in other realms! (remember there are four well-known realms. there are others!)

the tasks are generally like some type of plant or something hard to get, just to prove tommy's loyalty and determination with things. and his strength. yk,,,

well apart from them getting stolen once, he keeps them on his desk after he gets them. after that incident he keeps them somewhere more secure! hhh i like the idea of a symbol i will definitely use that. if you still remember the paper and pencil i mentioned, both of them are inflicted with some type of magic that can take it to the overworld, and i'll use your symbol idea so he can mark it and have it get sent. THANK YOU :D and btw dream just takes them whenever he has the time to. he kinda illegally visits tommy using the whole like "guardian angel" type feature the overworld has, hence the hurt/comfort fic i showed u!

tommy knows he's gotten the right thing because it's on a slip of paper, generally telling him of the location and a tiny description of it. sometimes it comes in like a poem form tho that could possibly mislead him!

hmm u really want me to spoil that? wasjdgsjd im jk it's rlly not that big. techno is! tommy goes digging around an old ancient place and finds a book titled "memory", which he sees it's for recovering a persons memory, and he tries it on techno, just because a question had been nagging on him and he wanted the answer. techno looks eerily similar to an old warrior & deity, "blade" (i'll come up with a more creative name i promise) turns out he is. and then cause of the recovered memory he can see tommy's wings since he's been to the overworld and boooom yeah

i honestly am having a hard time deciding whether or not techno should be actual family to phil & wil or not, i'm considering having him be a neighborhood friend that just hangs around, like w/ soot house. either way would work,,,,

you stalked my tags for the answer?? :0 i'm curious, who was your guess??

i don't think i'm entirely following what u said in the last bit but maybe i'm not looking at it right,,,

as apology for not, have this: ghostbur is canon in this! twice, actually. two entirely separate occasions :)

TY FOR THE LOLLIPOPS AND THANK U MORE FOR THESE QUESTIONS I'M HAPPY YOU'RE LIKING SERENITY!!! i hold this fic so close to my heart :D

[formeforthemforyou]

Is it ok if you do something with Riddle that is with someone who is always gifting him small things? Like one day they bring an origami crane, another it's a flower they thought that was pretty, next day is some cookies they think Riddle would like, etc. Just little things are always given to them a lot.

oh my gosh this is so cute what im sobbing baby boy baby boy getting spoiled

RIDDLE ROSEHEARTS 🦔

the first time you hand him something it's a small plush toy of a hedgehog bc you notice how much he likes them but it's against school rules to have pets so he can't own one and riddle goes bright red stuttering but ultimately accepting it while burying his face into the soft bristles making up its spikes

the next time is during lunch when he had been late due to having to stop on the way to the cafeteria to discipline rule-breaking students from his dorm; riddle looks just as flustered as before but is obviously beaming as you slide the last strawberry tart you had nabbed over to him

soon enough it becomes a daily thing that riddle looks forward to and makes it easier for him to keep a lid on his temper (as long as no one makes fun of you for it then all heads will roll lol) he makes a game with you out of guessing what it'll be next

you'll bounce up to him with your hands behind your back and he'll go hmm a sweet? or maybe an origami figure my dear? you make up a reward system where if he guesses right riddle gets to pick what tea the two of you have at your next tea party date

when you start surprising him with flowers tucked behind his ear and crowns on his head or woven into his head it makes him start going bright red again with how soft and gooey it makes riddle feel to glance his reflection in a window or mirror hes passing only to see the surprise you left for him to find ❤️

one time you come up to him in heartslabyul's garden with a mischievous grin on your face that sends alarm right through him like uh oh

he asks what you and ace have planned only to mentally crash when you whip a flower crown of bright red roses from behind your back that you place on riddles head with an expression so tender it makes him melt even when riddles head feels like its about to blow clean off

"loving you" is the only warning you give him before landing a sweet soft kiss on his lips and grabbing his hand to tag him to tea time and riddle can't help but to stumble after you bright red with what is probably a besotted look on his face as he intertwines his fingers in yours

[kexing]

beloved mj,

hope you're doing well ❤️ sorry for dropping off the face of the earth like that 🥺 i needed to clear my head and tend to irl matters. i still don't think i'm ready to come back. just here for a bit bc i missed talking to you too much 🥺

must confess im behind on Not Me by 2 eps 😔😭 thankfully i've not run into any spoilers (yet). i'll catch up this sunday in time for the finale. i have no idea what turn it took after sean found out about the twins, but i hope they land the ending well!🤞

the last thing i watched was Semantic Error and OMG. I LOVED IT!!! the tension!!the chemistry!! the music!! DELIGHTFUL. almost redownloaded tumblr just to go apeshit in the tags lol. right there in my top 3 KBLs with TMS & WYEL. i heard the actor enlisted but i hope we get a s2 at some point🤞

speaking of... TMS S2 WHENNNN (i hope i haven't missed an announcement lol). how much longer before we see our sunshine puppy and grumpy softie together again 😩 (i remember the ring 👁️👁️)

must say, im still going through it deeply with BB 😔 i keep rewatching the eps whenever im down, i keep going back to your playlist just to feel something. i hope patpran are living their best not-a-porno life. and everytime i think about inkpa and miss pansa im just 🥺🦋💕 

ALSO OHMNANON UPVEL!!! 🤩🤩 i screamed!!! them fighting each other full time is going to single handedly fix me adfgjssk im beyond hyped 💃💃

i hope you're enjoying Enchanté babe!! i'll probably binge it once it's over. i remember your header and how excited you were for the scene... hoping it was worth the wait! 😌

so that was a lot huh. i just miss screaming about shows with you so much 😭😭 

and finally, i hope you're sleeping well (cuddling luna 🥺🤍), eating well, drinking enough water and smiling a lot!! take care of yourself, you're very precious 🥺

all the love and hugs,

cheems ❤️💙

(you don't have to reply to this btw, i'll be glad if this made you smile if only for a moment 😊)

********

CHEEEEEEEEEEEMS!!!!!! i miss you so much!!!!!! no worries!! take your time but thank you for stopping by!! you can do that any time!!!! i’m doing as okay as i can!!! hope you are too!!

i’m………. not gonna spoil not me for you akdkskdk just please prepare yourself for a ride.

aww i’m glad you liked semantic error that much!! i’ve heard they didn’t plan a second season but seeing as it was very successful, i’m sure they’ll come up with something eventually. they have time until seoham is discharged.

TO MY STAR 2 WHEEEEEN!!!!!! they haven’t announced anything yet, only a fanmeeting this month so hopefully they’ll announce something by then!! pray circle 🙏🏼🙏🏼 the ringggggg yes pls husbands!!! i need them Right Now!!!!

it’s totally okay to still be going through it with bad buddy!! and i’m really glad to know you still listen to my playlist!! it’s your comfort show so stay there with it for now!! it’s not a ride one can easily move on from! and same!! i miss milk so much!!!! where’s her gl 😭😭😭

yes!!! i’m really glad ohmnanon are getting their own variety show!! i’m sure it’s going to be great and it’ll entertain us a lot!! 🥳🥳🥳

thank you so much!! no rush!! yes, it was definitely worth the wait 🥰🥰🥰

i miss screaming about shows with you as well 😭😭😭

i’m doing my best, promise!! hope you’re taking care of yourself as well!! you are EXTREMELY precious to me!!!

all the love and hugs right back to you, my dearest!!!!!

of course i’ll reply!!! you stopping by made my day and i want you to know that!!!!

thank you so much!!! LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK!!!!!!! ❤️💙

[irkenheretic]

okay i promised id do it and im doing it: Explaining The Plot Of That AU I’m Vague About: The Post

(as i was preparing to write this i actually got my 250th follower, which slapped)

so i’m just gonna start with the simple version, which is this: it’s a rebel AU which primarily centers around the tallest, who are both defective. they give up on trying to make any meaningful changes as figureheads, and instead direct their attention to being involved with the “neo defect revolution,” or NDR. they do manage to make one change as tallest- there is a garbage dump planet turned into a sanctuary for defectives (who in this au are executed once discovered,) and eventually enough of the populace finds out about it that the tallest have to deal with it. they finesse their way into kicking it out of the empire, so now it’s its own planet with its own rules, governments, and most importantly, immigration policies and protections

a lot of stuff happens and it’s gonna be structured using arcs, and each arc has a separate protagonist/deuteragonist/tritagonist lineup (but that doesnt mean the same lineup won’t be used multiple times!) and yes the insane list of OCs are for this au alone: some arcs are very OC-centric, some have OCs as supporting characters, and a couple are all-OC or mostly-OC. 

its going to be very longform and it’ll span from the tallest’s elite training days to twenty years after zim arrives on earth. (the 20 year gap btwn zim arriving on earth and the story proper isnt as tightly plotted as later tho.) the point is to see how a revolution on the scale of the NDR works, who was fucked over by defact laws, who was fucked over by other laws, etc. theres a lot of lore and a lot of headcanons i made for this AU and even a conlang. i am a being of hubris. itll be a series of fics, some multichapter and some oneshots. 

the series as a whole is gonna be called Invader Zim: Annexed or just Annexed for short. its a pun on an irken word that sounds similar but means the exact opposite. i am not explaining more bc itll be explained in the fic itself. but thats why the tag for it is #anx lmao

i didnt mean for this to be as long as it got but under the cut im gonna breakdown some of the early arcs:

so it all starts with a fanfic called Love Is The H-Word (no the “h-word” isn’t “hell.) it centers around red and purple as elites-in-training, who do a little whoopsie and have an egg. purple doesnt wanna smuggle it into a smeetery, bc then he’ll never see it again, so they go to the defect sanctuary (still a part of the empire at this point.) purple knows he’s defective while red has a hard time accepting that he is as well, due to events from his past. but being around all these other defects are starting to wear down his denial, and the fic is all about that. it also sets up some plot stuff, like how defects adopted a self-identifier in the word “heretic,” hence the sanctuary being named, “heretirk.” (hey look my url!) (no, the “h-word” is not heretic, either.) 

i dont wanna say what happens in that fic bc spoilers, but stuff Happens. its also when we meet some ocs that end up being important, and the existence of others are foreshadowed. this is also where we meet the tallests’ future advisor, rarl kove, for the first time, as a local who decides to keep them company. purple bonds with kove due to their shared interest in politics, while red reluctantly bonds with titch, a young irken (a smeet in heretirken standards, an adult in imperial standards- did i mention he and red are roughly the same age? lol) who is interested in military stuff and thrill-seeking and general destruction. titch is pissed because he claims his father is stealthing on devastis as a military commander, but won’t let titch sneak in as a soldier, as titch is deaf. 

(fun facts: in the au, “titch” is regional slang for “a little bit.” ironically, titch the character is above-average in height.)

due to titch’s deafness, he developed “gesturespeak,” irken sign language, so he can communicate. this existing becomes important later

a oneshot called invade the system is right after h-word in publishing order. it details zim’s exploits in leaving foodcourtia, where he was assigned and infiltrating the invading academy he eventually graduates from (in this au, zim is too short to be an invader, which sucks because the hight minimums for the military are really short to begin with lmao)

the fic chronoligically after H-Word focuses on red and purple being back in their platoon on devastis, specifically red navigating his training and his relationships with two defective platoonmates, pon and zi (who are in h-word a little,) after the realization that he too is defective. it also focuses on how the irken military works, and how they train their soldiers. 

the first arc overall focuses on red and purple going thru training and such, and ends after they graduate and are on the field, working to get commander rank. (they planned to gain commander rank then leave and go back to heretirk to train an army there, as heretirk has.... no army.) in the middle of this, they’re pulled out and told they are to become the next tallest. they debate over staying and taking the job or just running to heretirk, and they ultimately decide to stay.

the next arc i call the “bridge,” tbh. its less tightly plotted than the other arcs; fics are spread apart from each other chronologically and all that. it spans the time after the tallest being appointed to a little after zim arrives on earth. it also has a couple of anthologies focusing on imperial defects- each chapter is a new character. these guys are all important and the easiest way for me to introduce their backstories without cluttering everything up is anthology style, lmao. other things that happen are a look into how the tallest work, eventually culminating with the resolution of the tallest having to Deal With Heretirk, tenn’s rescue from meekrob, and zim on earth obtaining a half-irken smeet named pip due to stealing an Unethical Science Experiment from dib (which is pip.) the bridge is basically just. “heres some stuff that happens between point A and point B so when we get to point B you’re not confused as all hell.” 

the next arc focuses on zim. in the first fic, pip is sick and zim is trying to get into his neighbor’s pants, to cope. this basically sets up that zim in this au has no idea how to find personal fulfillment in living- he’s only OK if he focuses on pleasing someone else, be it taking care of pip or doting on the neighbor, some rando human named piqu (pronounced, “peek.”) this is mainly a cute romance story with the underlying veneer of “a child is slowly and painfully dying” in the background. fun! 

without spoiling the circumstances, zim and pip end up on heretirk, which at this point is its own independent planet. pip is in the hospital for most of it so zim has to do his own thing. computer fans rejoice bc hes basically zims dad at this point, who tells him to go outside and get some fresh air and talk to the locals instead of schmooping or screaming in anxiety. im sneakily introducing more characters like ini, the “next-gen zim;” a short bio-engineer (she works on PAKs) who was constantly passed over by everyone because they dont trust someone that short or they dont trust someone that spazzy, even though shes actually brilliant. also her brother mo, who’s a pilot that NOBODY will teach military-class ships to (at this point, HTK has a population of ex-military that had their old ships, but still no formal army) because he doesnt talk and they think hes “slow” as a result. for the curious, he is physically able to talk most times, he just doesnt like it. zim ends up teaching him how to fly military-class which ends up being important laterrr

(haha ini and mo. wheres meenie and minie? ILL GET TO THEM)

no really, theyre quadruplets. named ini, myni, minie, and mo. these are real characters. 

minie isnt introduced till later. shes too cool to be the side character in someone elses arc. she is feel uncomfortable when we are not about her.

myni is busy palling around with pip and pip’s friend “elly” (real name elevenn, with two N’s.) elly is a half-meekrob War Crime Baby and tenn’s smeet. he has vision problems (he can “see” energy signatures of things, as opposed to conventional sight. everything is monochrome and he has to really focus to see like, words on a paper. also fuck tablets) but the trade-up is telekinetic powers (that he cant use too much or his brain will melt. fun!) this isnt relevant until the arc AFTER zim’s, where they end up poking around a historical site due to myni’s interest in that kind of thing, and they find logs of an old revolution (that was actually pretty successful in their goal, before they were caught and executed,) that lead them to a man named lefy. he helps with revolutions and helped these guys, and the trio go to seek him out; myni because he wants to impress his parents with helping them, pip because after they’ve recovered enough to walk around and do stuff, feel like they need to justify the choice to save their life and make their dad proud and all that, elly because he doesnt want pip to get hurt and die. And thats where the stuff REALLY starts happening and i cant tell u more sorry

this seemed kind of disjointed but thats bc i cant really be too detailed otherwise id like.... spoil it lmfao. but thats the summary of the first few arcs.

[the-firebird69]

and was sick yes.  and heals now and is better too fat has a passneger and wow it is hell we are  a mess and yes get destroyed a lot.  tough times..we fall.   and gunry is tommy f his enemy too. too hardon him we are has no avenue no recourse and we are way out there on others....so he did what he had to.now we want itbackhe says go ask a demon and politely...and i say no yuor not welcome put it in wrtng  taeyou shop for your gay coments and dscrminatoin and more...and we say ok you holdthat..and   i say nah.  we issue papers.  and  i shalll Bitol sends them and his Goddess Wife..you use profanity near him ok.  this is what it is intimidation and forced to go there.and they hold otehr places out macs nted daniel did..and tries and wrote it up today. they are terrors he is overun tommy f said cant get t back zpac tried two and ate well adnheals..tons say it out and in and out..and good.  and thn days they will be on hm brush daily hourly..and they see and help they say by runiing his teeth this sucks we all sue you faggot your a dick too.  up ther emessing iwth our ships.  we ht you now.  see it.ok. and we saw it outlinne it bililum say and send it now.  first ad lst in line are ronnie james dio.  and we see he uses our name so wehit he is not us in any way.  and Gunray is at it and grabs here attract here ok this is jesus place and we use it and pull you in and we see he is humourous we fall easy then are noxous, and true. we are sorry we faied the monsters are at us and we dont thinnk they exist are stupid the disease too. and our tude ad its bad ai ad thats all reach self awareness and such...you cant bja no. it will see you..oh. ok.  and youtwo then we know what to do...and then it is settled..what wil they do release and try controolling it with the code..hard yes..and difficult...we see it seal out hermetically and we do it...then we areoff andwatch you melt..your a faggot do you get it ityet...tried yourpatience for years builtyours upfor you yes...ok got it..and to a degree wedont want wecantsee...but ok we did.  isee  a few things..not much..oh well that is us...you were there fool you saw a laser poke out ffried you you felll yours destroyed...what he hell...ok we saw that and hold it...the fleetsmostly gone easily. alright we see..mostly gone. done easy..now i say it is mine but could be ghwb ando rjesus ou see bg the godof hellfire..yes aht is itnow the use stuff and you fallfro itok that works....Hoth and jessus the pyramid my old freind who hatesme bg...and we work togethe rnow and see how itgoes...ok ok we ttyr tommy f at us...and he is hot and draws usin. to many true yes forhim he is ugly too due toour chiding we ridehim hard he is getting brutal ifts pulls rips his are huge or his clan..so we run out there ok...see jesus shaul nad see what it does hmm maybe nothing...and tommy f runs in...now too to IItaly hs wife grabbed saw nute do it and he is not hiim...saw the look...and was embarrassed....and we saw it in vendetta too ken adds..and we hera you this sucs he s here doing that and thm.  so we fight over it..daft ou are to draw mne here they want..nad wont and send deadly stuff.  they the macs hold t and you all die daily where are theythey keep it up im told allover.  and we see..this sucks they say and here.  die daly huh you do....mac says well well it is the child how wonderful your here for class it is 22 minutes then you step off into lava why you suck so bad..your hstory you see no need for us to be here physcially and years ago yet you do iit dayly hourly secondly and with purpose no you dont know why now...i see we donttrue it si for that and to lose ad we arego see  a ball idiot ad none we thnk so good we see we suced to long cor supplies hte suckng nd not thevery he forced  it and yeh overboard too..so we face t we are shitty adn suck and eep itup.now too.  all the whle we lose it all...and hope wont come uness we try failed mserably and on a bg move...tons see it us working you to hate and then you turn on us are smart we cant stop you wont tyr no we do and it is wrong nd ths sucks we are at the whim of cork...mac says. we fght too are at it here and he says it it happens we get that on me ok off..no so you opeed your mouth asshole as he did you leed in fuc we send it all after younow toddler...and we do Thor says tons and all of it we take it all your out cork f off... we pull your card all over he ordered it it is on you bully us you cheesy dick your done slow poe shit wantst to call me names so i hit his areas hard.  any who wnt to join me do so clear tag and blast it to hell...now...and we shall wehave orders now. we go to it Duke Nukem Blockbuster ad we hear it too why not offmy case he is sucha dweeb stole my teensy stuff obstructs money and we reward Bitol and Goddess Wife and see hsi work it is stupdendous...and we seehis work up and yours too his race...tons do and it is Frank Castle Hardcastle as well as Duke Nukem Blockbuster....we head in  they run out there are late lame and useless yes...but the empire has tons up and tommy f tries to say he is justin nope yoiur out buddy...hit us you die...he doesn now they are at him. and the senate was called and she went again, no will though. and for them to lose so she says and we agree. his are lame.  so we see need forg in and they wont so we help and cork is a fool as always.... and we hit them now.  they pour in.  cork does and you should see it wonderful loser he is..bouncing about and trhey laguh theri gay laugh and it is funny to hear they die so easy. fall and die and run die.  and are at it too get hiit fast. useless in combat mostly but we fight a hug force and needrobots ours are defunct or not here andso on.it i s jesus hwo they need to ht so f ire up the lasers hit morlock ships and then direct them to therobots taking the gems and stones..they see it and are at it now..and we use it.  they seekme for the woman and will try hard . got well and to hit these suck so badly...do yes.  and pour into tunis and italy in waves of several nonillion an area...take it and tey do and lose and we are there fighting too and as Darth Maul and hit hard have several stars up and fire on them and draw and use it and run a pattern now...tons see no.  we are hittinghard fast and solid  replace Starz on occasion.  tons see huge able bodied men fring giant weapons into crowds of corks ad eliminating them fast.  tons of thems ay planned ti and yes saw who nute gunray was saw they used me her husband as cover..and we use it now too hs racism to win...and we hit you now due to your idiocy.  yoru a fag loserand die now ok.  and off to venus lol. so.  we hit you hear you too you expose your father again.  and we hit you freak. you fn freak cork we hity ou anakin and ilike to say he named you but w edid you act like annie but worse. you faggot.  so we ht you ok..blab bqb we see you fall easy weht your clonnig oiu fn shithead i like him hateyou..no he is an Immortal not us. you are us and should not evoke any uyuo do it all the time you faggot forg ad his an you faggot...so im a fagot..boy oh boy you sure get it bja you ninny sht...silence hahaha silence or what you will die on me...ok itis funy i get rouwdy..nah your  a stinkin snake think it is an excuse..for the house and such...casl we see that orhter clans are there if he falls likemike daniel and macs own....prob run it as this is hilarious...float tommy but need in andneed out of mental health wehre you rot tommy you are exposed as we nneed but are selfish adn spoiled. and im sharper no but say it more confident see his work adn others catch up.....Hera says.. and she is awesome huh she is i say and others..wow and spunk and he doesnt do a thnig but egotarian stuff lol and use it ok lol and lose it no but ok she was taught, he is one ad she does a lot of wor and we see it hod off the kkey for k and we say that  and you die now you siimple shts there..we see why macs take t over and hell. so it makes sense yes.  gunray has her and more of them.  and has trump.  and we use it and take his fleet and thryms noise maker goes tongth now ok we take it out. tons say it it is a weapon. tons . and weant it or himout. now.  fast too...he wll yell and ten out lot will go fast too long this sat hard here and amped up sh stuff too.  we use it and report in and make suggestions now. and he is relievedhimtoo waht a bear handleing but need mroe of all stuff..now in all here. we need to do this now.  here is important we are coming in.  i can remotely doing it and have a way.. yes you know Hera says to me Zues Thor Freya

https://www.starwars.com/video/gunray-s-prisoner

[thorman-barnes]

Sugarbaby | Part 5

pairing: stucky x reader

requested: yes/no i don’t know but people seem to like this series lol

prompts: none

summary: steve and bucky are you sugar daddies and they miss your birthday

warnings: age gap (not mentioned though), angst?

Masterlist || Series Masterlist || Summer Prompt List

please tell me what you think || if you have any ideas or want to see something specific for this series please let me know!

please reblog, i don’t know if i should continue this series

"I'm sorry we couldn't make it, sweetheart," Steve said, voice sincere and soft.

You wiped at the tears cascading down your cheeks, some of your makeup now smear onto the back of your hand, "It's okay, Steve, I understand you have responsibilities," you replied, mustering up the best fake happy tone you could.

"We'll make it up to you, I promise," you heard but he sounded far away as you spaced out.

You were looking out the clear sliding doors of your balcony out into the city. They were supposed to fly in an hour ago and they just called telling you they weren't going to make it, something about work you think - you weren't sure, all you heard after was your heartbreaking. You were excited to see them after so long of being in their absence.

It was your birthday and you were spending it alone. You wanted to spend it with them, you even dolled yourself up. Your hair pinned back away from your face, your dress clinging to every soft curve on your body, you even had your makeup done - which was no ruined by your tears.

"-still there?"

You took a deep breath, "Yeah, still here," you softly said, your voice giving you away but Steve didn't comment on it.

"We're real sorry, darling," Bucky stated now and you nodded, forgetting they couldn't see you. You felt foolish. You shouldn't be this upset but of course, your heart had a mind of its own and caught feelings. "We'll make it up to you."

"No, it's fine, really," you shot back, venom and hurt laced into your words. You quickly apologized after, knowing this wasn't their fault. Work came first. . . it always did.

"We'll be there in two weeks, I'll make sure of it. We'll do anything you want," Bucky promised with a hopeful tone.

And you wished you could be at least half as hopeful as he sounded. This wouldn't be the first time they had bail on you but it was the first you cried. You were more excited to see them than actually excited to celebrate your birthday. "Yeah, okay."

"We do have a gift for you, sweets," Bucky tried to lighten your mood. He could hear you were upset, he wasn't sure why, and he just wanted to make you feel better. "Only the best for the best."

You put the phone on speaker and headed for the vanity in your bedroom. Once you got off the phone with them you wanted to go to sleep. You felt foolish for falling for them, they were in an already committed relationship and to them, you were just someone they could spoil every now and then and entertain themselves with.

"Doing anything special today, sugar? It is your 23rd birthday after all," Steve chimed in, you could hear some noise in the background but you couldn't tell what. It hurt to know they had this whole other life that you weren't a part of.

You lied, faking excitement when you told him you were going out with some of your girls. Probably go dancing, go for some dinner, anything really. You told him how you and some of your friends were going to go to the beach and have a little party there. How your cousins were planning on going to dinner tomorrow- and Steve ate it all up. He believed all the words coming from your mouth and it made him feel better for leaving you alone last minute.

And while Steve was easy to fool, Bucky was not. He could read you and Steve like a book. Bucky can recognize when you're truly happy and when you're faking it. He's seen you countless times when you're happy and this was the first time when you sounded off. Upset, even.

"Hey, doll, you sure you're doin' okay?" Bucky's voice sounded through the phone and you took a minute before answering.

Just even thinking about them not being there with you was making you bawl again.

"Just peachy," you mumbled, not being able to help yourself. You loved being on the phone with them but you wished nothing more but for them to hang up.

"Oh, yeah?" Bucky questioned and you heard Steve asking him what he was up too. You didn't even know you were on speaker. "So if we facetime you right now, you'd be just peachy?"

"Pretty as a peach," you replied and looked into the mirror, feeling far from it. You didn't how much you'd been crying until your eyeshadow was smudged around your eyes, your mascara running - you were heartbroken really. Carefully, you took off the diamond necklace Steve had gotten you for just because and set it down on the smooth surface of the vanity.

"Darlin', you are pretty as a peach, but you and I know you ain't okay," Bucky commented.

"Yeah, well, you wouldn't know because you aren't here," you spat back and hanged up, throwing the phone into a drawer in the vanity. You grabbed a make-up remover and rubbed at the make-up on your skin in an irritated manner.

Your phone rang seconds after and you let it ring knowing who it was and not caring.

But they were relentless.

After five calls you finally answered back.

"What?"

"What? What do you mean, what? You hung up out of nowhere, what the hell is going on, Y/N?" Y/N, he was using your first name, something they both hardly ever did.

"I'm just tired," you replied dryly, "I need my beauty sleep, Bucky."

"I thought you were going out?" Steve asked.

"You two really think I'd have plans so quickly after you two bailed on me?" You snapped and to say they were shocked was an understatement. They've never heard you raise your voice before. You have always been so giddy and happy and always so fond of them.

You heard one of them sigh into the phone as you took your earrings off carefully and set them aside beside the necklace. "I knew something was wrong," you heard Bucky mumble.

"Nothing's wrong."

"Of course not," Steve's voice sounded.

"You want to know what's wrong? I'll tell you then," you angrily replied, not sure where the sudden change of emotion was coming from. "I'm in love with the both of you. And it kills me every time you can't make it and my heart breaks when I see on social media that you're with other women! That's what's wrong! I'm not supposed to love either of you. I'm supposed to just keep you company when you're here and be a good girl and then get rewards for it. But I can't do that anymore!"

It was silent for a moment on both sides of the call. You were trying so hard not to let a sob escape but you were exhausted. You were tired of being used for company and you were tired of using them for money. You wanted something more with them than just being their sugar baby. But there was an arrangement and you couldn't be with them the way you wanted too for many reasons.

And those reasons included that they were Avengers, they didn't love you, and you didn't have permission to cross into the states to be with them.

Sighing, Steve replied, "Y/N. . . Sweetheart, we've talked about th-"

"I know we've talked about this! But I can't help how I feel, Steve! I can't keep ignoring my fe-"

"You knew what you were getting into," Bucky stated and if he were here, you would have thrown a bottle of your perfume at him.

"Yeah, I know, but I don't control my feelings! They came out of nowhere."

"I'm real sorry, Y/N," Steve apologized but you weren't sure for what. You just knew your heart was breaking with every second they didn't say they loved you back.

"I can't pretend I don't have feelings because they're there. And I'm sorry. I know you didn't want this. You just wanted someone to spoil and keep you company when your life got to hecti-"

The phone went silent.

They hung up.

And your heart was breaking.

And they weren't there.

please let me know if i’m forgetting to add anyone to the tag list

Tag List:

@iamalphanow @my-marvelside-bl0g @m-a-t-91 @hoewkeye @im-just-another-monster @scarsout​ @mcuwillbethedeathofme

Bucky Barnes Tag List:

@hour-to-hourglass

Stucky x Reader Tag List:

@ravennightingaleandavatempus@mydogisthebest@hellaqueerangelofthelord@hockeyshmockey@multireality@letterstomyself21@themusicalweirdo

Sugarbaby Tag List:

@criedwolfwritings

[pinkykitten]

I was tagged by @writing-with-melon I hope my answers aren’t complete waste or if time and if so I’m sorry and I love you

Rules: Answer ten 10 questions, ask 10, and tag 10 people

1. What song automatically plays in your head when you look out the window on a long drive? 

i dont really have an answer for this. i think i just automatically think about any song ive been listening to recently or any song that has been stuck in my head. 

2.  Do you have some snacks nearby when you write?

well i live in a two story house so the kitchen is downstairs and im usually lazy busy so since i have a mini fridge upstairs i just usually get water to drink while im writing. its kinda hard to eat and write cuz i loose focus really easily so when i am writing i am writing! i am in the zone! but if i am a little hungry ill usually snack on candy like chocolate kinder joys i love them but they r so expensive or snack on chips but i get like salt on my fingers or i like cheetos so cheetos dust and that just gets everywhere and later my hands and keyboard kinda smell like fart. 3. What do you do to combat creative burnout?

so burnout happens to me a lot so to get inspiration i either read other stories or fanfics which gets my head gears turning or i admire a piece of art or photography or a song. whats so unique and satisfying with writing you can explore and go anywhere with it, hehehe erotic if you know what i mean lol jk there are no barriers with writing just your imagination. there is inspiration any where you go and id advise to never stop writing. even if its a few short sentences or paragraphs about anything even bird poop its still progression and your mind is working and your searching for words like its all good for you bby.  4. Do you use (or like to use) prompts? 

i do ill put the link here. im thinking of changing it though to do something different. 

5. What is your favorite place to write?

lol boring, i know but my room. my room is really bright in the mornings and comfortable and chill and i have a candle of the pandora ride in disney that smells like the ride so its all good and relaxing and super peaceful plus i have a picture of myself the age of like 9 on my desk idk why but it encourages me and makes me focus to make sure i never get that cringy again. 

6. What is a hobby or yous that you usually don’t talk about?

well i like working out HAHAHAHAHA jk that was a joke...get it...cuz i much rather be eatingokillstop. but i really like to draw which i have a art page you can see it if you click here pls look at my failed attempts to be hip and cool with the cool kids and being artsy fartsy. another hobby is i really like to do makeup and nail art, nail art is really tough guys no joke if you do it like you got wizard powers are something. maybe its bc my nails are shorter than pete davidson and ariana grande’s relationship, alright im trying to stop i swear!

7. Do you play an instrument? Which one?

no i wish though. i always wanted to learn to either play the piano or electric guitar cuz H.E.R looks so cool doing it. 

8. How do you feel about your handwriting?

it sucks dont even try me. my sister can barely read it like no wonder nobody wants to steal my signature heck they can’t even read it!

9. Can you tell us of a story that marked your development as a person? As a writer?

ok sit back guys, sniff a nice amount of crack and get ready for the most cringy moment of my life but also a time when i knew i was meant to be *inhale* a fanfic writer. 

so it was elementary school, i think 3rd grade and for my writing assignment we were given a prompt of idk what the heck tbh i think it was like be outside the box and im like ok imma nail this cuz im a weird child and yeah so i got my papers and pencil and i went TO TOWN on this paper. so i wrote two stories. one short story with a picture to go with it and one long story that yeah i buried years ago. so my first story was about a farmer was about that farming life. he had chickens and dairy. so i cant remember if the cheese was spoiled but doesnt matter. anywho these cheese and a chicken were alive like they could talk in the story and i gave them faces, yikes. but the whole story was the farmer was a b*tch and he was trying to eat the chicken and cheese so they hatched a plan to get away from the farmer. they did it successfully and they ran away. yay happy ending my teacher actually liked that one me too and my school mates were thinking what they heck is this girl on i made a story about how me and justin bieber made cookies for Christmas you know. so then my other story i was more proud of this one cuz it was a tone of paper, sorry trees, and this story was about how a female hippo (girl i was all about plus size and thicker girls and no body shaming) and an male ostrich were kidnapped from their own habitats and taken to become circus animals. failed version of Madagascar hey mine was before the circus movie OK THEY STOLE IT FROM MEEEEE. so they get taken and are treated to harsh punishment and the animals can talk and i think its in the point of view of the male ostrich guy thing. they are in the circus and they start to have this relationship happening. love starts blossoming its all good. im happy with this cuz i believed in love at age of 8. they find a way thru a kick butt scene of the animals escaping and the hippo and ostrich are so in love that they run away together and they have half hippo half ostrich babies and i think i named the species  hipstrich or like ostppo idk but i was so proud of this story and when my teacher read it she was worried about me lol i think she thought i might like mate these two animals like secretly idk but she was like it was ok and i was like what this is frickin William Shakespeare writing or like F. Scott Fitzgerald writing. nevertheless it taught me a lesson that nobody else needs to like what im writing the main point and only thing that matters is if your proud of it and you like it and i really did. i will remember that story forever and thats what made me want to be a writer. lol sorry that was a lot. 

10. @emdop I’m going to use this great question: Explain one of your WIPs in the most ridiculous way possible. 

wellllll im working on my peaky blinders oc story its a lot of drugs money killing weapons jewelry rich profanities like its the show but written from my stubby hands so my oc and whatever its great and so excited to show it to you guys. 

MY QUESTIONS:

1. WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO START TUMBLR?

2. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ANYTHING OF THIS WORLD, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

3. WHAT QUALITY IS IMPORTANT TO YOU?

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE OUTFIT?

5. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE?

6. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG IN THE WHOLE WORLD?

7. IF YOU COULD VISIT A PLACE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?

8. WHAT SHOW OR MOVIE UNIVERSE WOULD YOU WANT TO BE IN?

9. WHAT IS THE SCARIEST MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE?

10. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE IN THIS WORLD THAN ANYTHING ELSE?

im tagging: @thatlittlered, @ardentmuse, @acciosnapes, @lotsoffandomimagines, @collecting-stories, @blog-of-a-multitude-of-fandoms, @naughtyneganjdm, @lenahellgizibe and two random followers @spiritsent, @sucker-for-my-fandoms

i was tagged by @writing-with-melon again ty btw, ps i felt so much pressure lol jk 😊

Rules: Answer 5 questions, Ask 5 questions, Tag 5 people.

1. What is your favorite book?

fifty shades of grey hahaha naw my favorite book is obv you all know this is series of unfortunate events but i never usually cry period and i never cry for books ever so when i read mrs. tom thumb by melanie benjamin, its the part when her sister minnie dies i cried so hard idk it was just emotional the wording the way she described her pain it was so beautiful written yet so sad and that was just amazing to me cuz im like this book made me feel things and im like wow i would love to write a book one day and make someone feel something whether it be sadness anger happiness annoyance anything they are having an emotion and that is super powerful to do that with just words. pls go check out that book its a good read. also im a fan of the greatest showman so i really enjoyed it. there are many other books tho that i thoroughly enjoy so much. 

2. What piece that you’ve written are you most proud of?

oh my god ive always wanted to be asked this question hands down i am always proud of my platonic gender neutral tony stark fic called in·con·sol·a·ble window to me i wrote it so sad and i was feeling like depressed lol when i saw peter die in infinity war like i didnt know what to do with my life tbh but im so glad that @impetrichorny requested it tysm i just like how its not based on romance or fluff or happiness it is based on when you lose someone the nightmares and sadness you go through and that there is nothing nobody can do about it except just be there for that person so i really like writing angst and something that was out of the box. ive been thinking tho of doing a part two since the fate of all the characters has changed after endgame. who knows tho. 

3. What is the last song that inspired you? 

well for art it would have to good news by mac miller when i did that kobe bryant memorial on my art page. i dont want to give it away though but ill just say some very powerful womens music inspired my oc writing and making. 

4. How do you feel about letting people read what you write?

at first i was scared cuz i thought i wrote like trash which that feeling kinda doesnt go away like some days i feel that way others i feel confident or it depends on the request it just depends but anyways i was always insecure about my writing so when i started writing it was more like lets see how this goes if not ill delete the whole page. im glad to say it went great but in the begging it was hard cuz i kept putting myself down but i learned to accept or just understand that you keep learning with writing you always learn knew things with writing how you can explain something better or you words get more intricate and people see the improvement and you do too thats why i applaud those who dont speak english that english isnt their first language. you are doing a tremendous job and keep practicing cuz you’re gonna make it to the top. ive also learned that some days are not my days and you can take time off when youre not feeling it when you have writers block. just recollect your juices sip some tea go to the beach relax your mind a little and take as long as you need to come back and give it your all. also comments and reblogs and likes a follows those meant so much to me and encouraged me. thats why i cant express it enough how much all those mean to writers, artist, photographers, anybody who is truly trying their hard in this area of social media. its makes a person happy smile and confident in their writing but first train your mind into loving what you make not what others thing. you have to be happy with the outcome that is what truly matters and what makes your writing the best. look at me getting philosophical. 

5. Do you get distracted easily? If yes with what?

yes and with porn haha i get distracted easily like very easily homeschooling was really tough for me. music distracts me, netflix, the urge to watch david dobrik or unus annus or buzzfeed unsolved on youtube, heck my farts distract me. i gotta be like troy bolton i gotta get my HEAD IN THE GAME!

MY QUESTIONS:

1. IF YOU COULD BE NAMED SOMETHING ELSE, WHAT WOULD YOU BE NAMED?

2. WHAT PERSON INSPIRES YOU THE MOST?

3. IF YOU KNEW THE WORLD WAS ENDING TOMORROW WHAT WOULD YOU DO TODAY?

4. WHAT DO YOU OFTEN THINK ABOUT IN THE SHOWER?

5. WHATS YOUR WEIRD COMBINATION FOOD?

im tagging: @thatlittlered​, @ardentmuse​, @acciosnapes​, @lotsoffandomimagines​, @collecting-stories​ AND WHOEVER WANTS TO DO THIS IF YOU FOLLOW ME OR LIKE MY STORIES TAG ME ILL READ YOUR ANSWERS. HOPE I DID THIS RIGHT SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING MWUAH 

[oleanderblume]

Unrelated but OMYGOD. My clown series reached 1k reads on wattpad.

Which isn't super awesome because its only due to the sheer quantity of chapters I have but I need to rave and spoil it cause I'm super excited about what I'm planning and no one i care to tell gives a shit so I'm dumping it into the void that is tumblr.

So. Im writing a book series called Caring For Your Clown. Its about this trans kid named Oliver and he is sort of an asshole.

Well not sort of, he is an asshole. But a RELATABLE asshole.

The story sort of drops you in 6 months after the mysterious and tragic (and traumatic) death of his mother Marie, who was a scientist alongside her husband and Oliver's step father Jon at a lab that specializes in physics mainly.

They were working on a machine with an unstable particle that caused a..tear so to speak, in the fabric of dimensional space and she got torn into tiny little bits. :3

But apparently before this occurred, Marie was in contact with an alien race called clowns 🤡 (really they are interdimensional traveling amoebas that take the shape of humanoid clowns lol)

One of which pops up in Oliver's life completely unexpectedly for no foreseeable reason and her name is Dindet and she is absolutely precious.

Basically its a saga and each book ranges in about 30k to 50k words. The first book centers around Oliver learning about this weird alien houseguest and also the immediate fallout of the death of his mom because surprise surprise! His biological dad who is a terrible abusive fucktard rolls back into his life with the intent to take custody of Oliver and that is no good!

The entire arch Oliver's goes through is literally the title of the series. Basically learning to be caring and compassionate while ALSO dealing with grief and interdimensional shenanigans.

One of the things I found really fun (it was unintentionally done but now I like it so its intentional now.) Is that each book roughly represents the 5 stages of grief.

As the first one is anger. Oliver is mostly passed the fuck off that this dumb alien clown sauntered into his life and thought it would be neat to CARE about him like he was a PERSON with FEELINGS. Irrationally angry, because he blames her for the loss of his mom (i mean so does his dad who goes through the stages of grief slightly slower than Oliver does) and uses her as a personal emotional punching bag until he realizes that SHE got his bio dad to concede his appeal for custody via literally stalking him and making him so paranoid that he was deemed an unfit parent >:3

All the while too, as the main focus is on the two characters of Oliver and Dindet, there is a background plot leading up to the second, third, and fourth (possibly up to 6 books) of the clown authorities looking for Dindet. And also the checkovs gun that is his neighbor.

The second book is mostly erring in the bargaining side of the coin for Oliver while Jon goes through his stage of anger. Oliver learns more about Dindet but doesn't quite trust her as she is clearly hiding information and KNOWS his mom. But she won't talk. Meanwhile, his neighbor working on a completely different project gets his hands on some clown matter and goes apeshit with it to build his energy machine.

We also learned more about the type of person Dindet is, which is naive and caring but also incredibly self destructive and reckless. By far a major people pleaser with huge self love issues. While Oliver is more of a "i don't give a shit what you think" though its more a facade he puts on to protect himself from rejection :/ he is far more comfortable in his own skin but external factors can make him freak out a little and he is terrible at talking to people.

It culminates when the project Jon solicited Dindet's assistance in is wreck by her own hands and Oliver's growth completely backtracks to the point that he finally manages to get our clown to leave (only for her to be clownknapped by his whole ass fucking neighbor to be used as the conduit to his energy machine)

And yeh, Ols almost immediately regrets his actions (though at first its more denial that she actually left) especially when he catches his neighbor using her as fuel for his machine to the point that all her fucking matter is completely burned away via electrical current! >:3

THEN Oliver gets to the depression arch >:3 (i haven't written this part yet so its up in the air atm)

Basically, with his mom dead and now the only person who could reasonably be considered his friend ALSO Basically dead, Ols falls into this really bad streak of just walking backward in his grief. Anger, denial, bargaining, the whole shebang. But THIS time the lab and the government AND the secret clown police are all in cahoots to cover up what happened at the lab and to do that they need to get rid of Ols and his dad to allow their plot to work. (Will be revealed later)

So throughout the first two books I've been alluding to the leader of the clowns via Dindet's ostensible paranoia and their name is Smile. They have underlings though and one is named Poppy. So the clowns get into the lab and convince Jon to send his son to a treatment facility for therapy under the thin veil that it will protect them from the repercussions of the machine. Oliver is not to upset about this though because he has been to therapy before from his past with his bio dad.

Except obviously the clowns don't want to actually help anyone. Their goal is to wear my boy down until he ready to die because- did I mention this was middle grade??

Anyways. This particular book I want to develop my potential romance between Douglass (Oliver's kid neighbor) and Ols and also deconstruct Oliver's personality via flashbacks that parallel the events in the story so we understand why he reacts the way he does to things and also i think it would be neat that the clowns technically succeed in their plan to draw out Dindet the wanted criminal by using the person she cares most about against her. By making him want to die!!

Then! For the next book, I'm planning on having more clown infiltration, more bonding between my children and romance between my boys because oooohhh boy am I gonna have fun tearing everyone apart when the real fucking deal Smile shows up and fucks shit up. Smile is my main villian and a veru fun and manipulative one at that. She uses Oliver to get to Dindet and eventually catches the both of them, revealing clowns to the entire world right before snatching them back to the home base the Cornucopia.

This is where we learn all the information we have been wanting and building up to about Dindet >:3

She is a criminal because she has Essentially tied a doomed universe to the Cornucopia in a never ending time loop because she is so heckin big that every time that universe is torn apart, she jumps back in time and DIES in order to recreate it. (She's the big bang yo)

That isn't the only reason though. Oliver comes to learn that his mom was FRIENDS with Smile. And Smile was the one who tore her apart in the machine scattering her subconscious in the literally timeless Cornucopia (time doesn't exist there so aging, death, anything like that is completely halted) and MARIE who has been half alive and omnipotent this whole fucking time has been trapped in the Cornucopia unable to see her family or child but fully able to see a know the infinitesimal inevitability of the destruction of his universe. So what does she do? She PULLS DINDET PUT OF THE ABYSS AND TELLS HER TO GO BE FRIENDS WITH HER KID TO KEEP THE TIME LOOP GOING.

And this has happened before. Like this book series is literally ONE (1) version of events that have been stacking up on top of eachother for millenia. The reason Dindet shows up in the first place is because she can partially see these past loops and the remnants of her love for Oliver keeps her coming back YO.

But while all this lovely information is being shared, Dindet is in clown jail and Oliver is treated as a pet to Smile. He tries to stage a break out and fails and what does Smile do? She turns him into a got damn monkey!

And uses him as literal fucking bait to a starving Dindet in order to justify her sentence (which is obviously death)

It almost works too, if it weren't for the fact that these two kids are BEST FRIENDS NOW and would legit die AND kill for eachother, Dindet pushes Oliver out of the Cornucopia (he is still a monkey boy btw) into his universe which inadvertently scatters him.

(A human person can enter the Cornucopia but if they leave, their molecular structure will destabilize in a slow and painful way until they literally are nothing left so that sucks)

This is where I want the next book to start tbh. Now back at home without his friend, as. A. Monkey. Oliver find that his entire home town is under lock down and strict control by the clowns who have now infiltrated the government and are putting plans forth to rebuild the SAME MACHINE his dad and Dindet built to bring about the destruction of the universe. (They want to do this because if they prevent Dindet from jumping back in time, they can end the time loop and get on with their lives)

So ols has to essemble a rag tag crew of Douglass and some other classmates and figure out that all the goop floating around belongs to Dindet (bruh. She is the size of the universe like. There is a lot of her to go around) and they can technically use it as gateways into other dimensions to gather an arsenal of GIANT BABY ANIMALS AND SQUIRREL BIRD CATS AND DRAWN TO LIFE ANYTHINGS so they can try to 1. Bring back our clown gal who is the key to fixing this and 2. Take on the now heavily fortified lab in order to get Olivers and Douglass's dads back.

All the while my boy is slowly dying >:3

Eventually, Oliver finds a way to get Dindet back but its at a cost :/ he tricks Smile into turning our clown organic to prevent her from being able to control any of her matter whatsoever and the cost of it is that Smile is VERY bad at making humans, so she basically traps Dindet in a catatonic meat sack that doesn't have half the organs it needs to function properly :/

To make her not be organic anymore they gotta uh..kill the tumor that is an organic half body (which yes, does have nerve endings) which eventually allows Dindet to be 100% clown again.

They break into the lab, but its basically too late. Reality is fractured and the multiverse is imploding in on itself and in the midst of all of this, Ols and Dindet are careening through the vacuum of an entirely empty space, dying of starvation and scattering and the only option left is to jump back in time to start the loop over again.

It is heartfelt and it is good and pure and the last moments they share together perfectly bring this loop together because in the VERY FIRST BOOK Oliver asks why Dindet came and she says "you asked me to."

And their last moments together he asks her to come back for him. Like I CANNOT yall!!

But that isn't the end. Yet.

The real end is after they die and the universe begins and a single hand pushes through the stars and pulls out a little orange bean. And it's Marie, pulling Dindet put of the Abyss this universe that is so intrinsically tied to the Cornucopia that it literally creates all the fucking clowns.

Its not supposed to be destroyed. And the reason eveeything falls into place so perfectly and things always go the same way is because ita already been seen and already been narrated. By Marie.

The WHOLE ASS SERIES IS IN THIRD PERSON OMNISCIENT BUT ITS ACTUALLY NOT. Its first person. Narrated by Marie.

Dindet knows Marie because she pulled her out of the Cornucopia. Clowns exist because Dindet was told by Oliver that she was and looked like a clown. The entire ass UNIVERSE exists because Oliver and Dindet are the fucking building blocks of life.

All of Olivers character actions and growth and eventual love (platonic) for Dindet shape their futures and all of it started because a mom was so concerned and guilty about leaving her kid in such a time of need that she would rather start the world over than see him suffer.

So..themes.

Throughout the series there are heavy HEAVY parallels between Dindet and Marie (partly because Dindet is a parrot and almost all her actions and reactions mimmick things that she has seen and the first person she met who wasn't out to kill her was Marie) but also because Dindet is the conduit through which Marie vicariously lives out the rest of Oliver's fleeting life with him.

There is even a point where Oliver genuinely questions whether or not Dindet actually IS his mom (she isn't obviously)

One of the themes I really love about this series is that compassion, unconditional love and care is deserving to even the most obstinant. Oliver isn't easy to love. He actively makes it very hard for anyone who could be a peer (even his own dad sometimes) to care about him. He constantly pushes people away to safeguard himself from potential harm and it takes three fucking books ROUGHLY 200,000 words to get this boy to understand what unconditional love can do.

How it can help with the grieving process, and help you become a more compassionate person toward others.

And also how your actions affect others!!

Like i said, Dindet is a parrot, she can read your mind (if she wanted to) but what she sees she incorporates into her own thoughts and as a reflection, Olivers harsh words and actions, even the most simple kind are recorded and even amplified. He is MEAN to Dindet. He makes fun of her often and gets angry with her and calls her stupid and she internalizes that immediately and it has an immediate affect on how she views herself. Oliver doesn't even think of this as something that happens until much later in the story! And gradually he grows past it and becomes more considerate and affirming toward Dindet and Douglass as a result.

And the way things matter. Oh. Every little detail matters in this story up to seemingly inconsequential continuity errors! Foreshadowing is everywhere from the first fucking sentence to the last because the things the characters do and say to eachother are simultaneously current and in the past all at once and no one knows which is which.

Someone got hurt? There are consequences, even unforseen ones. Dindet loses her hat. It is the most precious thing she owns and is a huge comfort item for her. Oliver asked where she got it? A friend gave it to her.

OLIVER MAKES HER A NEW HAT AFTER SHE LOSES IT. He is the FRIEND that gave it to her.

Almost everything in this story has parallels and consequences and twists and turns and outcomes that are wildly unpredictable (up until now because I've just spoiled the entire fucking plot but who cares!!)

Like...this is my baby. I care SO MUCH about this story and the characters in it that when I think about certain scenes I legitimately start crying.

I can't wait to publish the first book yall. I'm planning on publishing it either through a publisher or self publish, and maybe make a comic even? Idk. I just i really think people would like my dumb absurd story about clowns and I wish i could just spout about it 24/7...it breaks my heart that no one will listen.

[birdsong-warriors]

AAAH THANKS SO MUCH FOR ALL THE KIND WORKS YOU GUYS (and I'm so glad to have therapist approval haha!) , I'll try and write down a few things, but I will say that going in to something like that is highly personal to whatever you need. And while at an amazing place, there were a lot of horror stories from other institutions there, so I think its individual to everyone. That being said, I'll try and share the most helpful things I picked up!!

(I'm gonna tag this as... let's go with "Bird's Psych Adventure" lol so if this isn't your thing, I won't be offended if you filter that tag!!)

First and foremost, look up the locations near you. I had two options. One place had one star on Google Maps, and I had heard many unpleasant things about it, so I took a risk and went with the very new but highly praised place and that ended up being a good choice. They do have rules about these places like controlled release of information and stuff (basically, you can choose I think just one person who they can update your situation to. Anybody you didn't sign an agreement for can't get any info from them about how you're doing!!)

I read this article before going in, and found it helpful on a practical side. ^^

1. SOCIALIZE. I'm not kidding this is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. The place I went to would let you hide, especially the first day, but they got a point; festering in your negative emotions will only make things worse. Start small, because it will be hard, but everybody else is in the same boat and there will always be those who have been there longer than you and can tell you the basics and what to do. And it keeps you out of your bad feelings and very distracted. They're gonna take away your phone, so you gotta find other ways to stay entertained haha. Even if its just doing crossword puzzles in crappy crayon in the common room. But whenever you can stay in said common room instead of your room, do it!! It helps you feel less trapped too.

2. Get outside, if you can. We had limited outdoor time, but they let us have sports stuff and I got to play Frisbee with a VERY PATIENT older gentleman who helped me learn to actually throw and not hit someone in the head. XD On a related note, they usually have showers and stuff you can basically use anytime, take advantage of that and take care of yourself. It's kind of the only way you can spoil yourself there, and it feels good to put time into feeling better about yourself. ;u; That being said, they got CRAAAP DEODERANT AND THAT GETS SUPER ANNOYING SO SHOWERS ARE GREAT.

3. Breathing exercises are super crucial to keep calm, and it's easy to get homesick and upset about the situation. But the good thing is it does make you appreciate what you have when you go back in a way you will never reach without the experience. Take the time to self-evaluate and plan for simple stuff you'll do when you go back. I focused on thinking about renovating my room to make it a safer place for myself and sorting through my stuff. And don't plan for other people, plan for you, you're all you can control and while its EXTREMELY HARD to let go of your limited control of others, focus on you and what you need for you. <33 Reach out to those you love, but as someone told me there, have no expectations of what they say, and if they dont say something that's helpful or worse, say something uncalled for, ignore them. Those that matter won't mind, and those who mind won't matter. <3

4. They'll put you on meds to help, and you gotta tell them whether they're helping or not. If its making it worse, they want to know so they can help!! And eventually you should find meds that WILL help!

5. I know it doesn't help for everyone, but it helps me to think "five years from now, this hard moment won't matter and I'll be strong enough to move past it". Try not to say "I'm trying..." but "I CAN BE" or even better "I AM" AND GIVE YOURSELF POSITIVE TRAITS. If you deem yourself negative, you'll be negative, you can be better than that, you can be whoever you want and YOU ARE AWESOME AND WORTH IT DANG IT I WILL PERSONALLY FITE U AND TELL U SO DANG IT. <3333

6. The most important lesson I learned was "where did I get these doubts? Could I have learned wrong?" That's not how it was phrased exactly, but basically that you don't deserve these awful doubts and can KICK THEIR BUTT.

7. They should give you a journal, use it to put your feelings out there in a protected way and process them. My biggest stressor was a couple family members are big time triggers of mine and it helped me to write a letter to them that I never gave them because I was able to say "I don't care, I'm gonna work on my own life" but its still a big struggle.

TLDR; these people want to help you, but only you can help yourself. They aren't trying to """fix""" you, they want you to be the best you that you can be. You can do it, believe in yourself and you can get through this!!! I pray you can overcome any struggles you have, I believe in you even if I don't personally know you YOU GUYS ARE ALL AMAZING AND ILU AND I HOPE THIS POST IS AT LEAST VAGUELY HELPFUL IM SORRY IF ITS NOT BCOSHFBCKSBF

[maagicmiss]

Endgame spoilers !! Beware the spoil !!

This movie was amazing. With a lot of humor, which never fall flat. I was dumbfounded from the beginning to the end tbh Nobody asked for it but there is my hot take of Avengers 4 :

I felt really bad for Thor because ya know, depression™️ but damn the surprise/shock made me laugh. Noobmaster is an absolute evil that we need to end. They kinda did him dirty, I really wasn’t wanting for that but eh 🤷🏻‍♀️ Broken man 😔 Everytime I think about how much he lost I die inside a little more. Rocket was the real best dude here. Cheers to him. I was so fck happy for him when he got his hammer back !!! Like !!! "I’m still worthy" !!!!! You go you funky thunderous man !!! He deserves to be happy at all cost. Protect this man. During the last battle I was shook, with both his hammer and axe, fighting the purple asshole, so cool. Amazing, truly. Also, when he gave Valkyrie the commandment ?? My queen. She’s now my queen. By the way, we all know who’s in command of the Guardians now 🔥🔥😂

I can’t exprim how much I was sad for Natasha. When I saw them climbing this damned mountain I understood it was over for her 😭😭 I will love her until my dying breaths. She did deserve better but she died protecting her family, and the earth. She was the one who fought until the end, who did everything she could, and managed to avenge the earth. Thanks to her Thanos was defeated. Let’s honor her 😭👊🏻🔥

Clint. Like, dude. Pain. Angst. A bit of stupidity but that’s Clint so yeah. The assasinsbowl was ofc won by Natasha, and he lived. I would’ve been pissed if he died because he killed all this (bad indeed) people out of pettiness and sadness and anger for his family but he would’ve let himself die ? I understand. But like, dude. No. You’re a father. A husband. Natasha was ofc going to sacrifices herself instead of you.

HULK !!! My man. He’s happy and that’s all that matter 😭❤️ We stan a confident and humourus man y’all (Im still waiting for a height joke when Scott got aaaaaall huge in the end rip) Also, him being ashamed of his past self ??? Amazing. I couldn’t even in my wildest dreams lol I was dead when he met the old sorceress and got kicked out of his body lmaoo

STEVE. Or best known as America’s ass. Bae. I love that man. Everybody does. He did it. He did all his possible and it payed off. Also what a quick learner. When the hammer got lift, I was "W H O ???" Tbh I was thinking Loki, like "yo surprise bitches" but it was way better xD I think I screamed lmaooo But man, so fucking cool and impressive. That scene where he stand alone in front of Thanos and of his whole army ? With his broken shield ? I C O N I C. I am already seeing all the edit, gif, tribute, fanart and fanfic about it. I can’t wait y’all. Although, I was a bit disappointed about his closure ? Like yeaaah it was neat but... idk....... a bit dissatisfied and disappointed. The Steve/Steve was funny but also sad, idk. Although, Steve in the elevator saying Heil Hydra was beautiful.

Tony. I need to say it. Steve did him dirty. Like. Poor man. He didn’t deserve that, at all. I would’ve preferred Steve snapping down Thanos than him. He’s a father !! A husband too !!! Steve promised to him he wasn’t going to die. LIES, ALL LIES. I’m salty. But no hate for the blond man please. In the end, it was Tony choice. In the end with "The proof that Tony Stark has a heart" was heartbreaking. I wasn’t ready AT ALL. I’m not his biggest fan but oh damn, Sadness got me down. His daughter ? Pain. The little kid from Iron man 3 ?? Pain. Happy being sad ? Pain. Pepper ? Pain. I’m dead. He deserved better 😔 When he met his dad, I was dying. Dying of sadness but also of joy. Glad he could talk to him, and even hug him !!!!

Carol !!! THE bitch. I love her. She could walk on me and I would apologize. We didn’t saw her that much but ya know, it’s cool. I gave her entry a 9/10 because there wasn’t thunder lol (unlike Thor in Infinity War, who rightfully had a mighty 10/10). She was a queen. That haircut ? Beautiful.

Nebula. She’s my bae. Protect her. She’s doesn’t seem to need it but she does. Baby. She baby. But she’s a dangerous baby so be careful lmao Her killing in cold blood her past her (??? Was that suicide ?? Or murder ?? Or murder suicide idk ???) to protect her past sister was tragically sad and heartbreaking and beautiful. I’m saying a lot beautiful but hey I’m doing my best with my limited vocabulary. Nebula and her, and the guardian deserves happiness. Lowkey shooketh that nobody saw it was the past Nebula and not the right one but I’m going to excuse them by saying it the excitement of having all Infinity stones and of sadness for Natasha. Other way I’m about to throw hands 🤬😤

Iconic moment :

Carol saving Tony’s ass. We all knew that was how it gonna to happen but I was so relieved. 9/10.

Thor killing in cold blood Thanos in front of everyone, dead inside was wow, brutal. Not happiness out of it, no recomfort. Merciless, brutal, cold. He was here for the head and he got it. 7/10

Not an iconic moment but shush. The five years later ? I was astonished. It must have been 5 painful years. The world was in shred, dusts and broken people everywhere. Pain. Everything is blue, melancholic, broke. If I was one of the missing people coming back I would tell to every fucking one that joke "Hey, I’m gone like 5 seconds and everybody go apeshit ? What would you all do without me ?" Yeah im that bitch lmao 10/10 because you feel that emptiness and sadness.

Tony joining the idiots and Tired Steve™️ with an actual good plan in his fancy car with a lot of skids and other fancy stuff ? 10/10 good one, boi

That scene from Avengers 1 ? Then them on the side ? 6/10

Steve in that elevator ? You already know. 9/10

Steve commenting on his own ass ?? 1000/10 Trust me, it’s fair. Were waiting for that since Avengers 1.

I love Steve

Loki ?? Man, that dude is a joke but I love him. The face he made when he saw the case slide.... beautiful. The face he made when he jumped in the time hole ??? Iconic. 10/10. I want to know how everything is gonna to play with his series. I wanted more of him tbh I even was waiting for him in the last battle. By the way, is he still dead ? If he never went to Odin.... idk. Lowkey confused here.....

And last but not least :

The final battle.

Damn.

The fight between Iron Man, Thor, Captain and Thanos was intense. I was on the edge of my seat lmao It reminds me of their fight in Avengers 1, in the forest, for Loki. They were fighting against each other, now they’re fighting together 🔥👊🏻❤️ 9/10

Steve picking up the hammer ? 10/10 No comment, it’s fair. (The "I knew it" of Thor was priceless)

Steve getting a rematch on Thanos with both his shield and Hammer ? I C O N I C. 9/10 because it didn’t last long in my opinion.

Steve in front of the whole army ? Alone ? The face dirty of dirt and blood, the shield cut in half ? After he slowly stood up, even tho he was tired and probably had broken ribs ? How dare you not applause. That old man was ready to fight them all, and to fucking die. Stupid but amazing. 1001/10. Slightly better than him commenting on his own ass lmao (tag me if u ever do a fanart of this scene please)

Sam calling Steve ? Not iconic but still. I was dying and it cured me. My skin is clear, my debt are payed off, my grades are perfect and I’m now immortal.

The Powerful Women squad ? Damn. I love it. Sign me up for 10 movies about their shenanigans around the universe. 10/10

All the dead one coming back to life ? All the dead coming through the portals ? And looking badass af ?? Doctor Strange ? Wong ? Wanda ? Sam ? Bucky ? Spider man ? The Guardians looking sharp ? Black Panther with his sister and Okoye ? The Wankanda Army ? The spatial ships ? EVERYONE ????? Bitch Please, it was perfect. 10/10.

Tony snapping ? "I’m Iron Man." I was euphoric. 10/10. Then I was really sad. So 10/pain

"Proof that Tony Stark has an heart" ? A painful 7/10.

As you can read, I loved that movie. Like, very much, but, I’m a bit dissatisfied about the music. The Russos were idk, timid ? Shy about it. Most of them were old one, the themes of the characters and the principal theme (the one from avengers 1). Nothing too extraordinary, nor extravagant. Can do better.

Also, idk why but I found that Hulk was a bit weird ? Idk he seemed emotionless ? Maybe it’s only me but I didn’t like that much the CGI of Hulk this time.

Wanda. She barely spoke. Rip

Tony’s death. He shouldn’t have died.

Steve’s old days/death/idk. I’m not buying it. I don’t like it either. Glad Sam is Captain America now tho. Sad for Bucky. The dude is gonna end up alone in 2022 (or idk what years) with only Sam and Steve’s grandchildren or idk Rip dude

There is soooo much to say about this movie. Like, I write something down and something else is immediately coming up x) Maybe I’ll edit stuff later.

[gaylortruther]

(many) tag games

saw someone else do this so i figured i’d go through all my tag games in one looong post instead of spamming you all with a bunch of separate posts!

i’m gonna tag everyone now and yall can choose which tag games you want to do or whether you want to do them all (or whether you want to do any)!!

thanks to everyone who tagged me in all of these! i LOVE being tagged in tag games and i am always up for more! <3

tagging THE SANCTION (including ppl that i haven’t gotten up on the page yet im sorry abfjffsdhsjbjsdf it will happen SOON):  @newdivinities @wolvesofarcadia @maskedlady @victoiirres @sancta-silje @bumblebeesonpaper @wasting-ink-not-youth @horrorspell @ya-lady-tauriel @awritinglen @purpleshadows1989 @ivonoris @theforgottencoolkid @the-ichor-of-ruination @grotesqu-e @lucacangettathisass @tea-ndi @hazeywrites @lunar895 @thewordsinthesky-andstars

[LAST LINE TAG]

TAGGED BY  @melwrotethat AND @hazeywrites

thank you both for the tags! these are the last few lines of the prologue-excerpt-thing i wrote for the page i’m working on for WHERE THE CELLAR MEETS THE SKY

Somehow, Collin hears them. Silently, she rolls up her sleeve, and Rowan feels the Collin Sutherland they knew is somewhere far, far away. The tattoos are black, geometric in design, two on each arm, and eerily similar to the ones Rowan has just discovered on their own left arm. They're sure if they were to roll up their right sleeve, they would find more.

"I should have told you a long time ago," Collin whispers. "I didn't know you were a part of it, but I should have guessed. I didn't want to put you in danger."

"I'm not- I don't- in danger of what?"

The waves crash onto the shore, and in the distance, a seagull cries, sending Collin into action. She grabs Rowan's hand and starts pulling, dragging them back behind the house.

"Come on. We don't have a lot of time, we have to get going. I can tell you everything on the way. I don't know why he brought me here instead of straight to the veil, damn it-,"

"Wait!," they say, wrenching their hand out of her grasp. "Just- stop! Where are we going?!"

Collin's eyes flash bright, despite the lack of sunlight. "Home."

yeah, a bit long, a bit unedited, but *shrugs*

[SPELL OUT UR URL USING SONG TITLES]

TAGGED BY @tea-ndi

thank you sage!!! <3

hard feelings/loveless | lorde

another one of those days | cavetown

let’s fall in love for the night | FINNEAS

ocean eyes | billie eilish

honey and milk | flower face

i know | king princess ft fiona apple

dreamz | sara king

iloveyou | BETWEEN FRIENDS

nobody’s home | gnash

greek god | conan gray

sycamore girl | rex orange county 

and there you have a small sample of my music taste! add in literally every taylor swift song (dont judge me), some lo-fi tunes without ANY words whatsoever, and the occasional fall out boy or panic at the disco goddamn absolute banger, and you have my XANDERS JAMS playlist on spotify. ENJOY

[11/11/11 TAG]

TAGGED BY @awritinglen <333333333333333333333333

thank you for tagging me len!!! your questions were so fun!! i’m doing this for WHERE THE CELLAR MEETS THE SKY

Name all OCs in your WIP

OMFG okay,,, wait do you mean full names?? POV characters as of rn are Collin Aisling Sutherland, Rowan Tilley (doesn’t have a middle name) and Avery Bristol Charter. then the next most important one is Isaac Michael Rosewell, even though he’s the antagonist. then the side characters that are still very featured are Noah Rosalyn Pratten, Reese Iseul Radley, and Sage Emarosa Delgado. THEN we get into the very very side characters, Willa Robinson and her son August Robinson. then we have Avery’s parents, Alaric and the late Octavia Charter. and thennnnn we have Beldane Moreno, Avery’s uncle and Collin’s grandfather (undecided abt that last name but going w it for now). i promise it all makes sense. i promise anfnfsjnfdjsfd

Name at least one hobby your Main character love

i’ll give this one to Collin, she is a musician! Avery’s mother always taught her music before The Accident (dun dun dunnn) and after Collin was abandoned in the Nigh she threw herself into music. she plays guitar mostly, but she secretly loves piano the best out of every instrument she knows

3 sentences about your current WIP

OOF. im so bad at summaries why would you do this to meee abfhshjbsbshfjsbf. “A determined believer wants to return to a home that never wanted her. Almost 4000 miles away, an incisive, intellectual outcast of a dreamer muses over getting out of their hometown. And infinities away from them both, a teenage revolutionary disappears into thin air, on his way to bring back his past and fix his (and everyone’s) future.”

Is there a romance in your WIP and did you plan it from the beginning?

yes! there are three! they are definitely a main focus of the plot, but not THE main focus. Reese and Rowan were definitely planned from the beginning. Collin and Noah were, too, but they weren’t originally enemies to lovers, and they are now (hehehehehe). and Isaac and Avery were DEFINITELY not planned from the beginning. in fact, Avery was originally paired up with Sage, but it’s literally so much better this way and i’m so glad it’s been changed. Isaac and Avery has been planned since about when Isaac’s character was thought up, one year into planning WTCMTS.

What genre(s) is it?

a mix of dystopia and urban fantasy. and it’s YA, borderline NA because some of the characters are 19-20, but i still think YA is appropriate because of the style of writing.

What’s the aesthetic of two of your characters?

fun question! Collin’s aesthetic is very emo-punk, with a splash of yellow towards the end of the series. piercings, blue hair, rips on clothing, dirty converse, smudged eyeliner, safety pins. the yellow comes in as part of her character arc, as she learns to accept that her childhood memories are tainted and not actually perfect utopia. Rowan is way more minimalist (sometimes). they’re into the bookstagram type aesthetic, and mom jeans with sneakers, jean jackets, plants against a white wall, colorblocked windbreakers, rain against a car window.

When did you start your current WIP?

WTCMTS was started in august of 2017 

How far along are you in the process (i.e 1st/2nd/3rd draft, worldbuilding)

still worldbuilding, unfortunately, for personal reasons

Who’s the hardest character for you to write?

OOOOOOF. sage or rowan?

What music genre best decribes your main character(s) and whats their favorite?

Collin - alternative (favorite band would be like twenty one pilots, p!atd) 

Rowan - ichillwave (clario, rex orange county)

Avery - emo (fall out boy, all time low)

Isaac - indie alternative OR instrumental lofi (jaymes young, birdy)

Noah - electropop (lorde, halsey, charlie xcx)

Reese - folk rock (the head and the heart, of monsters and men)

Sage - indie pop (lana del ray, florence + the machine)

Are you working on more than one WIP?

yes! i have four currently but only two are important lol, ILLUNIUS and WHERE THE CELLAR MEETS THE SKY (this one). WIP PAGE

MY QUESTIONS

how did you come up with the title for your WIP?

is there anything you want to change about your WIP but you are hesitating on?

do you have a favorite character? a character that is your baby?

write a tinder bio for one of your characters.

how do you feel about epilogues? does your wip include an epilogue?

what changes does your MC go through over the course of the story?

what is the most significant insignificant thing that happens in your story? don’t explain why it is significant if it spoils things ;)

do you know what will happen after the ending of your wip, or would you rather not picture it?

how long does your wip span? is it a novel? a series? does it have prequels or spin-off wips?

what is a major internal conflict for your MC? 

do you include flashbacks in your wip? do you like writing flashbacks?

[HOW TO KNOW YOU’RE IN A ______ NOVEL TAG]

TAGGED BY @writevevo​ AND @wolvesofarcadia​

thank you both for this tag! it’s so much fun and both of your novels sound like novels that would be very interesting to be stuck in :D

inspired by this post

HOW TO KNOW YOU’RE IN A HALOHIDINGS NOVEL

you’re an older sibling and you have a younger sibling. you’re extremely bitter towards your younger sibling for stealing opportunities from you, damning you to a life you never truly wanted. your younger sibling adores you and just wants to please you. they never meant to do it. 

you’re stuck in constant, wistful wanderlust, never feeling like you truly belong, never fitting in anywhere, not with friends, not with family, and when you finally find the place you’ve been looking for, you realize it’s nothing like you dreamed or remembered.

you’re not heterosexual. no one around you is. no one is cisgender either. where are they? no one knows. 

you have a peculiar capability dancing under your skin. it trickles from your pores and muddles with your mind. maybe you asked for it, maybe it was predestined, maybe you never wanted anything to do with it. whatever the reason, it’s there, and you don’t know what’s you and what’s it. maybe you’re not meant to ask. maybe you’re meant to succumb. 

your memories are as fickle as the rain, coming and going and breaking through the clouds, shattering the fog and disappearing with the sun. you can’t recall what you’re doing here, or where you’re meant to be instead. what’s your name?, they ask. you don’t know.

there are two worlds. one world is blissfully unaware of this, or at least, as unaware as any world of millions and millions of people can be. no secret can be kept forever, they tell you. you are desperately trying to keep the secret.

the one closest to you, despite your abhorrent denial of this fact, the one you would trust with your life, will betray you. because of their decision, their selfishness, you will either lose them, or lose yourself.

THOSE WERE SO FUN OMG. they all mostly apply to both of my major wips, which is probably bad. oh well LMAO

SORRY THAT WAS SOOOOOOOO LONG hope at least someone does one of these tag games lol <3 

xander out

[fystarlust]

1-100 😘

1. What are your hobbies?

~ horse riding

2. If you could have dinner with any 3 living or dead people, who would they be and why?

~ jacksepticeye, steve irwin, taehyung. a weird but interesting mix 

3. What makes you laugh?

~ my gf, my bff, animals, memes, myself lol

4. What was the last good thing that happened to you?

~ *insert side eye emoji*

5. What is your biggest goal?

~ be happyyy

6. What do you think is the meaning of life?

~ BE HAPPY

7. Do you believe in an afterlife?

~ kind of kind of not

8. Do you have any pet peeves?

~ people who are rude and have no manners

9. What do you like to do on the weekends?

~ ride my horse, see my gf if she’s home

10. What was your favorite TV show growing up?

~ brother bear

11. What is your favorite TV show now?

~ the walking dead

12. What are your favorite movies?

~ i hate this questions its on every one go away

13. Tell me one surprising fact about you.

~ im sick at cod

14. What do you look for in a significant other?

~ honesty

15. What were you like as a child?

~ i used to scream at everyone and constantly do jazz hands so no one could put gloves on me, i was cute though

16. What are some things on your bucket list?

~ travel, travel, travel

17. Who has had the biggest influence on your life?

~ probably my gf

18. Do you have any pets or have you ever owned any?

~ yes lots

19. Talk about a challenge you had recently and how you overcame it or how you plan to.

~ my dog kept escaping out the back gate so i had to fix another fence onto it (((:

20. If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life, what song would you choose and why?

~ adventure of a lifetime cos its upbeat n nice

21. Talk about a favorite childhood memory.

~ cant remember any ha

22. What is your favorite commercial?

~ none i hate them

23. If you could give your younger self one piece of advice, what would it be and why?

~ honey, you got a big storm comin’

24. If you were stuck on a deserted island and could only bring one thing, what would it be?

~ bear grylls

25. Who is your celebrity crush?

~ tae

26. Who is your favorite musical artist?

~ bts

27. What is your favorite music genre?

~ kpoppp

28. What is your favorite color?

~ baby blue

29. What would you do if you won a million dollars?

~ spoil tf out of my gf, get another horse, travel

30. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?

~ the ability to have all superpowers

31. What is your dream vacation?

~ probably santorini, greece

32. What actor or actress would star as you in a movie about your life?

~ idk?

33. Where did you grow up?

~ radstock yeet

34. If you could trade lives with anyone else for one day, who would you trade with?

~ donald trump so i could kill myself

35. What is your favorite book?

~ dont have one

36. Who is your favorite author?

~ dont have one

37. Who do you look up to?

~ jacksepticeye

38. What is your favorite food ever?

~ i cant choose

39. Are you a picky eater?

~ kind of?

40. Drunken story time! Go!

~ no thanks

41. What beverage do you consume most often?

~ water

42. What is the first thing you wash in the shower?

~ my face

43. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

~ yes

44. How are you feeling right now?

~ sore

45. Do you plan out your outfits?

~ if im going somewhere nice yes

46. What is the closest red item to you?

~ my brother’s business book

47. Talk about the last dream you remember having.

~ ellie got kidnapped by a creepy non man man

48. Do you love yourself?

~ sometimes

49. When was the last time you cried and why?

~ this morning bc i was watching cute animal vids

50. Have you ever met a celebrity?

~ not like, talked to them, met no

51. Have you ever been to a concert?

~ yes, 1D x 2 and 5SOS x 4

52. What are you listening to right now?

~ my dogs wrestle

53. Have you ever flown in an airplane?

~ yes

54. What is the craziest thing you've ever done?

~ im not a crazy person

55. Are your parents or guardians strict?

~ no

56. Did you have a good childhood?

~ up to a point

57. Have you ever been in love?

~ am currently

58. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?

~ lick it, im not an animal

59. Did the one person who hurt you most in your life ever apologize?

~ yes

60. What are some of your turn-ons?

~ jess, tae

61. What are some of your turn-offs?

~ 99.9% of other people

62. Would you go skydiving?

~ yes

63. What are you thinking about right now?

~ how this tag is so flipping long

64. Do you ever rent movies?

~ nope

65. Do you ever illegally download entertainment such as music, movies, etc.?

~ my gf does and we watch them hehe

66. What is your zodiac sign?

~ pisces

67. Do you believe in karma or predestiny?

~ karma yes idk what other one is

68. Is there anything you want to say to anyone right now?

~ id tell sean that hes my sunshine

69. Would you rather live a shorter life but be wealthy or live a longer life and struggle financially?

~ probably short n wealthy

70. What is your stance on abortion?

~ their body their choice

71. Do you believe in ghosts?

~ yes

72. Who do you admire and why?

~ my gf, my bff bc they’re wonderful people

73. What was your worst experience while under the influence of drugs or alcohol?

~ dont do drugs, every second on alcohol was the worst

74. Have you ever had a near-death experience?

~ yes i nearly strangled to death when i was little

75. What do you daydream about?

~ life, my gf

76. Where do you want to live after retirement?

~ greece

77. What would you change your first name to?

~ Lily maybe

78. If you believe in a God or Higher Power, what one question would you want to ask Him or Her?

~ why

79. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic?

~ pessimistic but a bit of both

80. Are you more introverted or extroverted?

~ intro

81. What is your dream profession?

~ zookeeper

82. What do you worry about most?

~ everything

83. When was the last time you tried something new and what was it?

~ tortilla chip pringes, theyre amazing

84. Who do you compare yourself to?

~ everyone

85. What excites you about life?

~ my gf

86. What five words would you use to describe your personality?

~ STOP ASKING THIS QUESTION AHHHHH

87. What is one life lesson you learned the hard way?

~ careful who you trust

88. What belief do you have that many people disagree with?

~ i dont think theres any

89. If not now, then when?

~ whenever

90. Is it possible to lie without saying a word?

~ the heck kinda question is this

91. What activities make you lose track of time?

~ fcking my gf

92. If you had to teach an academic subject, what subject would you want to teach?

~ math bc id just tell them give up u dont even use it

93. What is your biggest regret?

~ falling asleep on certain nights

94. What will matter most to you when you're 80 years old?

~ being a sick af gran

95. Are you a messy person or a clean person?

~ bit of both

96. Are you a perfectionist?

~ about some things

97. How tall are you?

~ 5ft2 NOTICE I DIDNT PUT 'AND A HALF’ ELLIE

98. What is your guilty pleasure?

~ i aint guilty about nout

99. Do you prefer sweet or salty?

~ both

100. What is your favorite social media website?

~ youtube