#im sounding so good and i couldnt be more miserable
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firelord-frowny · 2 years ago
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anothermouse · 2 years ago
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I find it weird how ppl will say for reasons that systems are fake is that multiple alters talk similar or have similar interests. Have u ever met siblings. They talk similar and have similar interests because they've spent years together ya dork, as systems start to get along more they're gonna start sharing more interests and speech patterns just like you with people you spend a lot of time with lol. Also they all share a life, they have to be able to act like each other to get by and seem "normal."
#this isnt directed ive just noticed that me and willow steal each others interests a lot and its making me think abt all the ppl ive seen#using that reasoning in fake claiming. me and her dont really talk similar but i can imagine that happening with systems who#talk to each other or mask as each other more.#idk. its to our best interest to share skills and interests. if only one person likes/knows writing then we have a problem when we need to#write and they're not present. if only one person likes/knows guitar we're in big trouble in guitar class if they're not present.#and we NEED to get along to operate so its good for us to have things to bond over! we used to argue a lot and it was fucking annoying and#made life hard. i couldnt take care of the body and willow was depressed and it made the brain miserable and it sucked#so the more we can get along the better and i think having things in common is good for that!#like i said we dont really talk the same and for us that works just fine but for some systems that could create communication barriers.#idk. i just think ppl should think a little more about why alters might become similar over time. me and my cohost r literally like family#system#osdd#did#multiple#plural#edit: actually maybe i do pick up speech from her. she says 'my friend' a lot and sometimes im tempted to say it cus its nice#but i feel like it sounds weirder coming from me 😅#OH AND LOVELY. she uses the word lovely so much ive just picked it up. its such a good adjective#idk why usually you expect the host to be the one whos language people copy but i feel like i pick up things from willow more than she does#from me.
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stellardeer · 8 months ago
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TL;DR - How would you kick someone out of your house without involving police? and Should you?
My no-note blog is probably not the best place to ask this question, but maybe someone will come along and answer, who knows.
So in the ideal circumstance that we abolish the police, I've been wondering about a specific scenario. Say there is a person in your home, for whatever reason, who has no legal right to be there, and you do not want them there (again, for whatever reason) but they refuse to leave and you want to forcibly remove them from your home.
Most people nowadays would threaten to call the cops on them, and usually that alone is enough to get people to leave. I've never actually had this problem myself, but I've known numerous people who've talked about these kinds of situations (and coincidentally they were all middle class, if that tells you anything...) I, personally, would think twice (or a million times) about calling the cops on someone, especially if the person in question is particularly vulnerable to police brutality. So, even if the police aren't abolished, I still want to know the proper alternative to handle this kind of situation.
I'm a pretty weak, easily overpowered person, so my first instinct would be to like.. call someone I know or go get a strong neighbor or something to help me get this person off of my property.
I know that the specifics of the situation also play a key role here, too, on how to handle it. Like, if the person is reasonable, I would hope that just telling them to leave would get them to go - easy enough. But if they refuse to move.. what do I even do? If it's someone that I know very well, I might think to take a break and just walk away from them and hope we can sort things out once we've calmed down. If it's someone that I don't know very well, though, (not even necessarily an intruder, but just say someone who is overstaying their welcome) and especially if tensions are not even high, I wouldn't really know what to do. Some states even have squatters rights, so like.. sometimes you literally CAN'T do anything about this person being in your home, and in some cases they can even get you kicked out. I think it's kind of obvious that if the person clearly has violent intentions towards me, then I have a right to defend myself, but again, I am not going to be able to do that by myself, and I don't know what the legalities are around asking for help from another citizen, i.e. not a cop, if someone means to do you harm?
And what if you do ask for help and your helper ends up injuring the person in the process of trying to get them out?? I'd imagine it's still better than calling a cop, and risking getting a life-ruining criminal record, or worse, shot and killed. But I'd also imagine there could be grounds for them to sue if they get injured by the helper since the helper is not a professional of any kind and not protected in anyway. Only some states have protections against self defense anyway, and I don't know if it even counts if you invited the person into your home willingly and they weren't being violent to begin with. Like.. if they person is just stubbornly standing there and then your burly neighbor puts hands on them first, I don't think that even counts as self defense for the homeowner? At that point if the person fights back then they have a case for self-defense.
And I don't know what the leftist attitude is towards personal property like that anyway, like should we even have a right to our own home? I don't know the leftist view on that, I get the idea that individualism is not the move, but like.. do we still have our own personal space? Space that we are allowed to bar others from entering? Even if that space extends to the entirety of a 2-bedroom home? I'm asking sincerely, because I really haven't read enough socialist theory, so I don't know what the opinions are on home ownership in general. Like in an ideal society, would we supposedly just allow the person to stay for as long as they like, as long as they aren't hurting anything? That's another part of it, like what if they aren't doing any harm but I still don't want them there? Am I wrong for wanting them to leave, even if I don't know them? Supposing even if they are an intruder, if they haven't stolen anything or hurt me or my animals, but they just... won't leave, should I even be mad about that?
But again, forget an ideal society, let's take it back to reality, assuming that I live in the US and the laws are exactly the same as they are in this moment, police are not abolished, but I am choosing to not involve the police in this matter... what is the right thing to do???? Should I just resolve myself to accept that this person lives with me now?? I don't even live in a state with squatters rights, so I don't legally have to, but.. should I? (more thoughts and anecdotes if the tags if you feel like reading)
#leftism#socialism#communism#abolish police#this is open to debate for anyone it's one half sincere question and one half ethics think piece#like.. there may not be any one 'right' 'good' answer for every situation i just want to hear opinions from people who know more than me#please try to be civil and i know this might sound like a stupid question but I'm asking it in good faith#I feel like a LOT of people (at least US citizens) will just tell me 'well duh you have a right to not want someone in your space'#but like idk i've been thinking over this for a few days now and questioning if I even do have that right??#like obviously i have a right to boundaries but do i have a right to a 784sq ft home?#if i have extra space im not occupying all of the time is it wrong for me to keep someone out of it?#i'm someone who prefers to live alone and i've just recently got my house to myself after having a guest for over a year#he is a friend of mine and it made me miserable having him here sometimes (despite him doing nothing wrong)#but our other friends kept telling me to kick him out and i just couldnt believe they would even suggest that??#like.. just because i want to live by myself doesn't mean it's better to put him out on the street??#i still cant believe they saw no issue with that#and not once while he was here did i ever consider making him leave so this question isn't about him or anything#this anecdote is just an example of like.. differences in opinion on personal space#i have a 2-bd trailer and i've been waiting to turn my second bedroom into an office#but i let him live in the extra room while he was here because i was able to get by just fine without it#but i think i might feel different if someone i didnt know just showed up in my home one day and wanted to live here#or what if my friend (not that he would EVER) did become violent and i DID need to force him to leave? like .. what do??#this question mostly came up because someone i met recently was telling a story about a terrible roommate he had#but his (the person telling the story) parents owned the property or something and this guy's lease was up but he wasn't leaving#so they threw all his stuff out because he had been gone for a couple weeks and they assumed he wasnt coming back#but then he showed up one day looking for his things and was trying to take stuff from the kitchen#and the guy (telling the story) told him that he couldn't take anything and he needed to leave and said he would call the cops if he didn't#and i kept my mouth shut (especially cause the roommate sounded particularly foul) but i would not dream of calling the cops over that#but it was like... just because they owned the property and he didn't want him there calling the cops was a perfectly reasonable response#it sickens me
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starboye · 4 months ago
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pairing: dylan minnettee x male reader
request: could you write about dylan minette x reader fucking in the shower ILY
warnings: smut, shower sex, cursing, pet names, slight daddy kink
you hadnt expected dylan to be home for at least another few hours so you decided to take a relaxing shower after cleaning the house up a little for dylans return, he had been on tour for a couple weeks and today was the day he was supposed to come home but he came home a little earlier to surprise you.
dylan opened the door and threw his bags to the side waiting for you to greet him but you didnt, he walked through the fairly spacious house to find you, as he walked into you guys room he heard the shower running and smirked, he stripped off his clothes and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.
"dylan is that you" you ask wiping the water from your face but dylan doesn't answer he only steps into the shower, leaning his chest against your back "hi baby" dylan whisper hugging you from behind "hey, how was the tour" you ask "miserable without you" dylan chuckles lightly.
"aww well you're here now" you reassure kissing dylans cheek "and now that im here i can finally have you" dylan mutters kissing down your neck "you couldn't wait till i got out the shower" you say choking back a moan "no" dylan says muffled by your neck, running his hand down to your ass to grope it.
"you want it" dylan question loving your sweet small whimpers "yes please" you plea rubbing your ass against dylans growing dick, dylan quickly flips you around and begins making out with you, you moaning it his mouth as the water falls onto your back making it hotter than it already was between you too.
"i missed you so much" dylan says "oh really" you smile pulling back from the kiss to catch a breath "for real, do you know how hard it is to jerk off to just a picture of your ass" dylan jokes but he was being honest, he sat in the dressing room of his concert for an hour trying to cum to a picture of your ass covered in his cum but he couldnt.
"then how about you cum to the real thing" you say jerking dylans cock lightly, feeling it grow even more in your hand "well how could i deny such a request" dylan deviously smirks, you see the lust growing in his eyes before he presses you onto the bathroom wall, face flat against the wet wall "already loose for me" dylan scoffs seeing your open hole.
"only for you daddy" you reply cockily, dylan almost goes feral when you say that but holds back and slaps his dick against your slick hole and without warning he thrusts into your warms walls with a groan "dylannn" you moan out as he does so "yeah baby all me" dylan says wrapping his hand around your neck while his other hand wraps around your dick, stroking it slowly.
"ngh please faster" you choke out "want daddy to go faster" dylan asks and you nod slowly, he goes faster and faster till the only sounds are groans and moans falling from your mouth masked by the shower and plaps, "im gonna..." you trail off not being able to finish your sentence but dylan understood exactly what you were saying and quickened his pace in your ass and around your dick.
you came all over dylans hand as you dropped you head onto the wall with broken moans "so good" dylan mummers licking the cum from his hand before wrapping one hand around your waist to steady you as he pounded you out, lifting your head back up by the neck with his other hand.
"right there" you whine feeling another wave of ecstasy wash over you and dylan feels it too before he cums in you, painting your walls white with his seed as he lets out deep huffs "you always know how to tire me out" dylan says "right back at you" you reply.
taglist: @mailmango @spermeboy @ghostking4m
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kindnessisweakness2 · 8 months ago
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11
The next morning Emily drove her truck into Teller Morrow. Clutching the warm coffee in her hand she rolled her eyes at Cara for the millionth time that morning. "Im sorry Em! We didnt mean to keep you awake." Emily nodded at her best friend as she slumped back in the seat. She was grumpy in the morning. Especially since she had no sleep last night from Juice and Cara's long goodbye, if thats what you want to call it. 5am they finally quit it. It didnt matter how many times Emily banged on the wall, screamed at them to shut up or shoved a pillow over her head. Nothing could drown out Cara's loud Moans. "Im gonna miss him so bad." Emily groaned as she faceplanted her steering wheel. "Cara i love you. But please get out and give me five minutes peace." Emily didnt lift her head but she knew from the sound of the door opening and shutting, she left. God she could just fall asleep right there.
Not even 2 minutes later a knock on the window made her jump out of her skin, almost spilling hot coffee over her lap. Looking up she saw a smiling Jax. His face pressed against the window in a funny expression, nose squished. She couldnt help but smile at him. Shaking her head she rolled down the window. His face returned to normal as he threw his arms on the roof of her car and leaned in. He only wore a white t-shirt, his leather and a pair of jeans. Her breath hitched in her throat as she watched the muscles in his arms flex and his shirt rise to show his hips. The delicious V she would love to run her lips over. "Morning Darlin'" She smiled wide at him as she leaned back taking a sip of her coffee. "I heard Juice kept you up all night. Do you want me to put a stop to him coming over?" The look on his face told her he was serious. "No! its fine, honestly. Cara would never forgive me. She really likes him. I just need to start booking a hotel so i can escape the fuck fest and actually sleep." Emily rubbed her dry eyes, she knew she looked awful. Black tracksuit bottoms, a white cropped vest and a black zip up hoodie covered her body. Her hair was down and straight and not one bit of make up covered her face. She didnt really care what she looked like when she got dressed this morning, pulling anything on. Now she kicked herself for it. Here he was looking like a God even in simple clothes and she looked like a tramp. "Nah you wont need a hotel darlin. You can always stay at mine when you wanna get away." Emily could feel herself going red, but before she could say anything Jax pulled her car door open. "Come on, moms made breakfast." Jax threw his arm around her shoulder as she got out of the car. They made their way into the clubhouse under the watchful eyes of many.
Emily couldnt wipe the smile off her face when she was greeted by the guys. Hugs from Opie and Chibs, high five from Happy and even a nod from Clay and Bobby who were deep in convosation. Jax couldnt wipe the grin off of his face either. He loved how the guys liked her already, how nice she was for them. Made him like her even more. Jax pulled out a seat for her at the table where the guys sat and disappeared into the kitchen where his mom was. Emily winked at Cara who was currently sat on one of the many sofas on Juice's lap, giggling as his hands wandered up the back of her shirt. God these next few days Cara is going to be miserable without him. Seriously good sex with Juice had her falling in love already and it had Emily worried. Cara being here was only meant to be temporary. She didnt want either of them hurt. "Here you go Pocket." Jax placed a massive plate down infront of her with a fresh cup of coffee. Sitting down next to her he stole bacon from her place and flashed her a toothy grin. "Fuck how hungry do you think i am?" Emily shook her head before stabbing at the scrambled egg with a fork. "Its for us to share. I've got a long ride ahead." Jax kissed the side of her head before sipping her coffee and handing it to her. Emily's stomach felt like it wanted to burst, releasing all the butterflies he made swirl. Fuck. He knew what he was doing to her. He had to.
20 minutes later, Clay moved to the door of the clubhouse shouting that they were to leave in 15 minutes. That cut the laughter across the clubhouse short. Emily couldnt help the smile dropping from her face. Jax squeezed her thigh trying to offer some comfort. Standing up he threw his arm around her shoulders as he always did and lead her outside to his bike. All the families started to gather outside to say goodbye to their men. "So how long are you away for?" Emily asked as Jax let her perch on the seat of his bike. He lit a cigarette leaning back against the railing behind him. Emily couldnt help but think about how attractive he looked when he was smoking. The way his perfect lips would wrap around the filter and form a perfect O to blow out the smoke. "Shouldnt be no more than 3 days." She nodded and smiled at him softly. "Nice friendly visit, yeah?" She looked at him dead in the eyes as he froze. She didnt know where she got the confidence to ask but she would be a liar if she said she wasnt worried for their safety. Emily wasnt stupid. There'd be no need for such a big club presence if they werent expecting trouble. Emily stood from the bike at the sight of Clay and Gemma walking their way. "Ready VP?" That seemed to shock Jax out of his frozen state. Nodding at Clay he threw the cigarette on the floor, crushing it beneath his pristine Nike trainers. Emily looked down the row of bikers kissing and loving their families as if it was the last time they'd see them. Her stomach dropped at the thought of something bad happening to Jax. She felt stupid, He wasnt hers to worry about. Spotting Cara's long brown hair at the bottom of the row as she hung over a smiling Juice, kissing the life out of her. She worried about Juice too. All of them even. Cara would never get over it if anything happened to Juice and she'd grown to really like the rest of the guys. Her and Happy's talks about Ink, Opie and Chibs love for her food that made her feel good, Halfsacks innocent but puppy like manner as he often put his foot in his mouth, but did as he was told. She hadn't had much interaction with Bobby, Piney and Clay, but maybe that was for the best. She had brought trouble to their door on more than one occasion because of Noah and her temper. They probably werent as forgiving as the younger members of the club.
Feeling Jax move beside her she stepped out of the way allowing him to straddle his bike. She watched him as he clipped his helmet and started his bike. The sound made her wince. There was nothing like the sound of a Harley. Leaning down so he would be able to hear her over the rumble, Emily moved her hand to cover his. "i dont know what's going down in Nevada. But what i do know is I need you to come back in one piece." Pressing a soft kiss to his cheek, Emily tried to savour the moment. Just incase something did go wrong. Which she hoped to god it wouldnt. "Ride safe, Teller" were the last words she could manage before her throat got thick and the familiar sting started in her eyes. With one last squeeze of his hand, Emily moved to stand with the rest of the women and children who were waiving their men off.
And with one last look in those baby blues, the men disappeared from the lot.
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Here is another part loves!
I really hope you enjoy. As always please let me know what you think and where you would like this to go!
Love all messages and comments!
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gale-gentlepenguin · 1 year ago
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So I know Representation came out today. And any good fan would wait a week before reviewing it as we still have episode 23 to watch.
GOOD THING IM A DEGENERATE
Gale Reviews: ML Season 5 episode 24 Representation
spoilers below
-So as expected, Chloé didnt stay mayor long. But Apparently Ms.Bustier is running for Mayor and might win
-Oh its the Fencing teacher/ guy who was Darkblade. Well clearly Ms.Bustier is going to win
-And Adrien and Kagami are a power couple? But Adrien is watching the news report while they are in London. Something seems VERY off
-Ah, Gabriel is behind it. And Adrien HATES it.
-"By letting your father decide your life and selling your story through a fake narrative as usual." DAMN Plagg holds no punches
-Plagg appologized though.
-Kagami is also pissed about it
-HEY ITS FELIX/ARGOS
-Wait ... is that really my chaotic son? HEARTS ON WINDOWS.
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-Thats adorable, WTF
-Okay so THEY got some development.
-Adrien deciding to just say f*** it. He is heading to paris and Telling Marinette he's chat noir!
-Marinette back in paris looks miserable. Poor baby girl. Also its a lovely dress.
-Marinette has been crying. I am going to kill Gabriel
-Marinette being strong for her friends to enjoy this dance. Thats really big of her.
-Unfortunately, Spotlight.
-Wait, how did Argos and Kagami get to Paris BEFORE Astrochat? Unless they left much earlier but even then. My bet is Argos made a sentimonster that would warp them places... but that seems like BS.
-KAGAMI KNOWS MARINETTE IS LADYBUG?! Since perfection. Damn.
-KAGAMI TOLD FELIX!?!?!?! FELIX?!?!?! Okay I am a bit salty about that
-OH S***! THEY KISSED. The Feligami stans are Eating today.
-Felix is dressed like Adrien? Oh I do not like where this seems to be going.
-And Marinette thought she saw Adrien and wants to go after him while her friends are thanking her for everything she's done. Way to ruin a good moment FELIX you ass!
-Side note, WHY is Marinette the only one in a dress? Like its a dance? Why couldnt everyone Have dressed up? Seriously, I know outfit renders are expensive. DID THE KITCHEN COST THAT MUCH?
-Marinette avoiding the Lesbian bee and accidentally interrupting the Bi artist and writer. Sure is Pride month in Paris.
-Okay this is just cruel. Marinette thinks she is having a break down over this. Side note. WHY ISNT ADRIEN ACTUALLY HERE YET? HE IS ASTROCHAT!
-Alya and Nino trying to comfort her. But she aint listening.
-Adrien and Kagami escaped and the parents are pissed
-Oh no Nathalie looks really bad right now. Poor thing. All she can do is watch videos of her true love Emilie
-He took the ring back, guess now that Nathalie is too weak to fight him. Which really brings up the question, WHAT HAPPENED in the last episode that Nathalie took such a turn.
-Gabriel is being a d*** as usual
-Nightormentor sounds like a cool name. And while I thought the color scheme is weird... its probably the best akumatized form Gabriel has taken. Sad but true
-AND OF COURSE RIGHT AS SHE LEAVES ASTROCAT ARRIVES. I know its plot convenience but thats bull s***
-"His father CANT have that much control of him" Oh if only you knew Nino
-And BOOM! Gabriel the bitch agreste arrives
-I am liking Rose so much recently. She is calling out EVERYONE
-So he basically has the powers of Sandboy mixed with Darkerowl
-the guy has the power to make you experience VERY intrusive thoughts. That is evil
-Chat noir is like "Hey ladybug gonna go beat up my father text me later"
-Dude Felix must be an Olympic speed walker
-Marinette is basically being nightormented without that bastard even being here. Felix, Kagami this is just a jerk move.
Duusu: "This is so sad" Felix: "Dont worry its for Our happy ending" Duusu: F*** yea lets keep it up
-Oh he made a sentimonster... wait. I know its not human but like a sentimonster MAKING sentimonsters. Feels even more f***ed up
-THEY ARE DOING A F***ING PLAY FOR HER!?
-OH MY GOSH! ITS THE STORY OF EMILIE AND AMELIE!
-Meanwhile, Chat noir is working through his daddy issues.
-Back to the play
-Oh this is interesting.
-Oh and we find out Felix's dad was a rich Cowboy. But also an asshole. (Oh right, this is a French Cartoon, thats why American's suck in this)
-Back to Adrien fighting his father
-This is Cathartic watching Chat noir beat Gabriel's ASS
-HE WAS GOING TO CATACLYSM HIS DAD! Adrien, my boy. Patricide adrien? Well Monarch is still alive, so I guess you think it wouldnt kill him. BTW, Monarch should have had ptsd from that.
-And Chat noir got hit, so his worst fear is... and cuts back to the play
-Oh the twins were infertile. Emilie returned to try and get medical help but still nothing.
-The peacock, that was the sentimonster reference
-Oh so THATS how Gabriel got Gorilla to guard adrien.
-Also yea, any doubt that they arent sentimonsters is dead now.
-ITS CHAT BLANC WITH BLUE HAIR!?
-Oh s*** that is f***ed up.
-"It will end if you give me your miraculous"
-"Take it." ADRIEN NO!
-Oh so thats why Felix's dad was an a**hole. Okay I will give this credit. That is something.
-Welp this explains why Felix might be a sociopath
-Felix revealing why he did what he did
-THE RESISTANCE! COMING IN CLUTCH
-THE TRAY!
-ALYA JUMPED ON HIS BACK.
-They got the akuma in a jar.
-Wait, Chat noir defeated an akuma without Ladybug. (sure he had outside help, but Ladybug has done that too). Good on him
-WELL S*** THAT WAS TRIPPY.
-Felix and Kagami asked for Marinette's help. so was that all the sentimonster doing so? I am lost
-Okay so, I may not LIKE exactly how they went about it. But I cant really hate them for what they did. They are just kids that want to pick someone they trust.
-Oh s***, Ladybug never cast miraculous cure. So Adrien has some perminant trauma from the fight with Nightormentor. He still sees the antichat visions (its not chat blanc, and its just reverse color pallet)
-Chat noir left. before he could tell her. Cause the nightmare messed with him
-WAIT DID TOMOE AND GABRIEL JUST LOCK THEIR CHILDREN IN STERILE ROOMS? WTF!
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Okay! This episode was A LOT.
Well there is no denying Sentimonster theory. Its confirmed. Its done. 100% GUARANTEE NO MONEY BACK.
It did explain a LOT about Felix and Adrien.
So I am still iffy on how it was handled.
Now this DOES NOT justify Felix's Actions. He was still an a**hole. And Kagami shouldnt have told Felix. Marinette is Ladybug. That was NOT her secret to tell.
BUT the play that explained what happened was very well done. It explained a LOT about the Graham de Vanily family and Felix's a**hole father.
I will say that I hated how tortured Marinette was during this. Felix and Kagami could have done something less cruel to lure her there.
I also greatly enjoyed Chat noir vs Nightormentor. very good catharsis and we have Adrien going through some additional mental trauma, inflicted by his father (I wouldnt call it Ironic, more of EXPECTED)
I give it 7.5/10
I will say its the most I have enjoyed the second half of this season since Emotion.
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kumezyzo · 1 year ago
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omg so idk if this is a weird request or not but I was watching a tv show and thought this idea would be cool for sapnap😭😭
brothers best friend sapnap (or bbf!sapnap) where him and the reader have to hide their relationship from dream and george (dream or george ,depending on what you prefer to write, being the readers brother)
its not a weird request! ive never thought about this type of scenario with them so this is actually really fun for me to write and come up with plot 😭
i wrote for both brother dream and brother george. and i wrote specifically twin!dream and older brother!george (separately). to make the age gaps less scary😭 and for plot.... nonstreamer fem! reader. and i ended up making this a little too long and angsty so im sorry 😭😭😭
okay, enjoy!....or dont :) m.list
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brother!dream
bbf!sap who youve known and been friends with since day one because of twin!dream.
twin!dream who you tell everything and noticed when you started crushing on his closest friend.
"do you like nick?" he would ask you one day when youre eating together silently.
you pause mid bite and look up at him, your heart having skipped a beat. you look back down and finish chewing as you come up with something to say.
"why are you asking me that?" you ask back with an awkward laugh.
"fuck- you do dont you?" he would sigh in annoyance.
"and what if i do?" you ask defensively. "its not like hes gonna like me back. nothings gonna happen."
he looks at you, his eyes looking over your face. the face he had been familiar with his whole life. the face that he had grown with and trusted more than himself.
"whatever..."
bbf!sapnap tried to hide his crush on you from both you and dream but failed miserably with the latter.
"do you like yn?" clays voice sounded through nicks headphones. he furrowed his eyebrows as if to fake confusion although they couldnt see eachother.
"what are you talking about?" he asked, confusion completely lacing his voice.
"do you have a crush on my sister?" clay said more pointedly this time.
"what, no?" nick responded defensively. "why would i like her?"
"i dont know. you just seem... different around her," clay explained, the clicks of his mouse being heard after his voice.
bbf!sapnap who found it harder to hide and fight his feelings for you once he moved in with you two.
in turn, he started leaving the room when you would walk in. he would barely look at you when the three of you were in the room. and you felt your heart hurt more and more slowly as the weeks went on this way.
bbf!sapnap who had to tell you how he felt about you after you mentioned someone asking you out.
"did you say yes?" he asked a little too quickly for his own liking.
"i mean, yea, why not?" you shrug, moving through the kitchen.
"is he...a good guy?" clay asked you from next to nick on the couch. from your angle, it looked almost comical the way they were both turned to look at you. confused expressions heavy on both of their faces.
"i dont know clay," you say with a scoff. "i just met him today."
clay got up and walked over to you, "okay, well... dont die?" he said unsure. you rolled your eyes up at him and crossed your arms. he nudged your shoulder as he went to the fridge and grabbed a water bottle.
"thank you, really. great advice, clay," you say sarcastically as he rounds the kitchen island to the stairs.
"anytime! night!" he calls out as he walks up the stairs. leaving you and nick alone.
you sighed, waiting for him to get up and follow his friend up the stairs. you didnt expect him to stay where he was, watching you from the couch.
"what...?" you ask, looking behind you as if it wasnt you he was looking at.
"so you're going on a date?" he says mainly to himself. "when?"
you let out a deep exhale as you think for a moment, "im not sure yet. he's yet to tell me. told me he would text me when he had a gap in his schedule," you said, trying your best to not make the conversation more awkward than it already was.
"hmm," nick hummed as if in deep thought. he looked down at the white tiled floors. you pursed your lips and glanced at the stairs.
"well, i think im gonna call it a night..." you trail off, hesitantly heading towards the stairs, waiting for him to make some comment or attempt to keep the conversation going.
when he didnt, you continued on your way, beginning you mental spiral on why he was acting this way with you.
"wait, yn," he called out just as you were about to place your foot down on the first step. you looked over at him, confused. "i need to tell you something."
his heart was pounding in his chest, unsure of how to proceed. you felt like you were going to be standing there the whole night with the way he wasn't speaking. and that idea alone made your stomach twist and flutter.
"what is it?" you ask with an awkward laugh.
he took a deep breath, running his hand over his face. the longer you stood there, the more anticipation filled you. the awkward smile on your face falling and slowly replaced with something more serious.
"nick?"
"i like you."
bbf!sapnap who tries to not make it obvious how suddenly he's not ignoring you or avoiding you anymore.
but he cant now that your two are dating. its too hard to not smile at you when you walk into the room or want to sit right next to you when the three of you were sitting around.
bbf!sapnap who sneaks you a few kisses when dream isnt in the room.
"nick!" you whisper shout as you pull away from his kiss. "he literally just walked out of the room, relax"
"but i wanted a kiss," he pouted, leaning in for another. you squirmed and pushed him, looking at him like he was crazy.
brother!dream who knows you two are dating but just waits to see how long you guys can keep this all up. he finds it amusing and annoying but he would rather wait for you guys to tell him on your own time.
when you do tell him, he doesnt even bother to act suprised. he just shrugs and laughs at you with a "you guys are idiots."
brother!dream who later has to sit down and talk to sapnap about dating you.
"dont do extra shit around me. like weird and kissy," clay says with a disgusted face almost as if the idea alone was repulsive. "and please dont have sex while im home."
"what-" nick cuts himself off with an embarrassed laugh.
"im serious. if you do, i dont want to hear that shit."
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brother!george
bbf!sapnap who knew of you and spoke to you a few times. the first time he spoke to you in person was when he came to visit george. He had seen you in pictures and an occasional off chance FaceTime call where you're in the background and waved across the room.
when he sees you for the first time, in person, it throws him off guard how different you look. in the few pictures he had seen of you, he hadn't realized they were from years past. you had obviously gotten older and he realized you were his age. not sixteen.
bbf!sapnap who can't stop staring at you when you're having lunch with him and george. everytime you laugh or make a joke, he feels like his heart does a little happy dance.
bbf!sapnap who asks for you number on a night you two are getting to know eachother more.
"hey, whats your number?" he asked, trying to seem nonchalant. you smiled at him suspiciously.
"why?" you asked in response trying not to sound as smug as you felt.
"for...emergency reasons," he said, realizing how much it sounded like bullshit. even to himself.
"right..."
bbf!sapnap who cant help but talk about how he finds you attractive on stream with george.
"yea guys, i met yn too," he says, glancing at george. "you never told me how hot your sister was, george."
george looks at nick with a disgusted face, "what are you talking about?"
nick shrugged and read a chat, changing the subject as george looked at the camera with a grossed out face.
bbf!sapnap who starts talking to you when he gets back to florida without george knowing. the only clues he gives are talking about how he finds you attractive.
when you two start dating, you start to feel bad for lying to olderbrother!george about it. so you ask him hypotheticals and drop small hints here and there.
"would it be weird if i thought sapnap was cute..." you ask him nervously. george looks up from his phone and furrowed his eyebrows.
"...do you...?" he asks slowly, eyeing you weirdly.
you shrug, trying to be nonchalant despite the type of question, "He's not terrible looking... i guess."
he rolls his eyes, "just dont start dating. then it would be weird."
you stare blankly at your phone, as you chuckle humourlessly at the irony.
bbf!sapnap who has to ask dream about what to tell george.
"wait, nick, you guys are dating?" clay asks incredulously. "and this was after george talked in detail about how much he hated the idea of you two together?"
"before, actually," he said, crossing his arms.
"that doesnt make a difference, actually," clay says with a scoff. then he rubs his hand over his face and sighs. "just tell him. worst that can happen is he gets mad and gets over it eventually."
"well, i dont want him to get mad at us," nick said, stress laced in his voice.
"well, you'll have to tell him at some point."
after a week or two, you decided to tell olderbrother!george yourself.
"hey, george, i have something to tell you," you say, trying masking your fear.
"mhm," he hums simply, looking down at his phone. you close your eyes for a second as you took a deep breath. george looks up at you waiting for to speak. "what is it?"
"nick and i are dating..." he looked at you blankly, looking over your face.
"what?" he asks, hoping he just heard you wrong.
"we're dating..." you say. waiting for him to freak out on you.
"okay?" he says dumbly. you laugh awkwardly, confusion clear on your face. "i was kind of expecting it."
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yea georges was kinda garbage. specifically the ending. but i kinda wanted to post this. and i guess it wasnt really them hiding it, but more so just them hiding their attraction? so my bad.
i think i just need to actually doing what the asks ask me 😭😭 i hope you enjoyed anyway... -nony
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mikasuxxx · 2 years ago
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hii!! short hc rq—been thinking about 141 + friends with an aggressively american reader like. specifically british people with words like “y’all” and “aint” [harassing them with “y’aint” sounds funny as fuck] and idk teasing them ab the war like. it’s been on my mind all day
Lol i love that. Bet! Also sorry i couldnt do more characters im kinda tired rn so I'll do them later! Thanks for the ask anon!
Soap
would find it funny as fuck
every time you say "yall" or "aint" he cant help but giggle
He laughs whenever youre talking shit about brits and bringing up the revolutionary war
ESPECIALLY if you bring up the (dead) queen. Bro is already on the floor
Tries to put on an american accent. Ends up sounding southern. Seeing this, you try to put on a scottish accent. But fail miserably
Plays the eagle sound effect whenever you enter a room, thinks its the funniest shit ever
Is entertained by watching you argue with price over "soccer" vs "football"
Price
oh he's so done with your shit
Whenever he's winning an argument with you and you KNOW hes winning, you'll switch to a bri'ish accent. Works everytime
Lowkey flinches whenever you say "yall". flinches harder when you say "y'ain't"
Alternativey when youre in an argument you just say "Aint yall's queen dead? Yeah. thats what i thought" and he just gives you a look
Or the revolutionary war.
as mentioned before hes gotten into an argument with you many times over whether its soccer or football
"Its football. You literally kick the BALL with your FOOT." "Okay well its still called soccer idc" "...."
oh hes REALLY not looking forward to seeing you brag in his face after the US vs UK world cup game
"ITS CALLED SOCCER 🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🏈🏈🏈"
"NOBODY EVEN SCORED"
You had him try american beer/alcohol brands in general. He said it tastes like piss
Gaz
Hes also amused by it
buys you cowboy boots as a joke. You end up unironically wearing them all the time
Paid you $5 to say yeehaw as loud as you could. wouldnt stop laughing for like 10 mins after
You taught him how to sing the national anthem. Now whenever hes drink he sings it
Is weirded out but also interested in the different words americans have for random things
challenges you to point out every european country on the world map you challenged him to point out the queens burial sight on the map of england
He started saying yall and aint from being around you for so long
Yall mock each others accent too. all in good fun
Ghost
is annoyed by you
generally doesnt like americans
Really doesnt understand some of the shit americans do/say
will never admit it but he sometimes finds those british slandering jokes kinda funny. like he'll huff out some air
He kinda likes some of the food. you cant blame him tho british food sucks
he thinks there's too much fat and grease in most of the food tho
Tolerates you because you dont slander him as much as the others. And overall on missions you get the job done. so its fair game
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teddy-feathers · 3 months ago
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i hate my aunt.
she made another comment on if i wanted to take more pills or if i wated to grow up and deal with shit.
she does not get that if i didnt have the pills id already be dead. this is not hypothetical. i have wrecked my car on purpose several times, I have too many knives and access to medication and im just smart enough to be a danger to myself. one day i took like a handfull of my actual medication because it was going to fucking help or the next handfull of pills i took wouldnt be to help. and you know what. it fucking helped.
and its not oh youre just reacting badly to stress. no. even when everything was fine id find ways to be stressed or miserable or apathetic. in fact when things were at their best i was often at my worst - and that was after i got back reconnected with family got past the shame started working with a therapist had a job was doing good... and i was still thinking of killing myself. still having days where funtioning was too much like being skinned alive. still being fucking at war with myself from being too up and too down at the same time. and i was doing good. everything was finally better and had been better for a while and i was actively or passively sabotaging that.
and you know what? if there was a possible way to bootstrap myself better, idve fucking found it by now. so being medicated is like actually good for me. and i know it is because when i forget to take my meds or like right now when im switching meds and im fucking miserable and struggling to even pretend to be a person. like im managing to maintain an illusion but its not my best work let me tell you.
that and my best fucking friend are the only reason i called my shrink to say "yeah i actually am not okay" after a week of fucking going "dying sounds nice right now" like honestly and truely if it werent for my best friend id just give up trying.
like i get it. im in a bad place right now and youre worried and you think you know best. but the second you said that snide fucking comment i basically stopped listening. im so fucking furious.
ill give you drug seeking behavior. ill give you taking the god damn easy way out. (she did not say this but you can understand why i think its implied from her fucking attitude)
like. god i want to tell her so bad to stop making comments about it, to just fucking forget im medicated if thats what it takes. because the next time she makes a comment about it that will be the end of the conversation. that is the boundary im setting. that will be the end of the conversation.
but i dont have the fucking balls to set boundries do i.
like. i am sick right now. mentally.
im glad my knives are mostly in the car. im glad my best friend expects me to get up in the morning and gibe her a hug before work. im less glad that i cant bring myself to do things i need to keep my life running but ive got some leeway and hopefully my meds will level me out soon enough that no actual issues arrise. im glad that i might get out of this without fucking up my life or whatever. im glad that this isnt a couple of years ago where suicide seemed like an actual option and i couldnt roll my eyes as i lay here and rot and go "Yeah whatever your being dramatic" and that i know and *can* get up and get fluids and food when im rotting so im not actively making myself worse while i want for it to pass.
i hate that i do have to wait for it to pass. that i feel like if i do certain things it will trigger my own personal apocalypse or breakdown or something. i hate that my thoughts are variations of "i wish i was dead"
but because of the medication, even not at the right level, im not going to drive off the side of the road to deal with my problems.
i hate myself yeah but i hate my aunt and her shitty ass comments.
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startrekwintergiftexchange · 10 months ago
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An anonymous gift for @70thousandlightyearsfromhome
A night at the drive in
Tom gripped his tray a little tighter as he spotted harry, sitting alone at a table in the corner. His friend sat slumped with his arms crossed, staring out the window, his dinner untouched. Again. 
  Tom felt something heavy settle in his chest at the sight. After a moment, an idea struck him and he strode over. He let his tray fall onto the table and sat with a loud groan. “You will not believe my luck, harry,” he grumbled. 
  Harry startled then registered his friends presence. “Sorry. What was that?”
  Tom fought the urge to smile. His friend was miserable, but he was still unfailingly polite. As always. Instead, tom let out another loud sigh. “You will not believe my luck.” Harry just looked at him, but tom took that as a good sign. If he’d just fallen in love with an unattainable alien- again- he’d have been hurling knives, or at least insults, at anyone who came near him. 
  “I traded in three favors, listened to ensign vorik recite vulcan poetry, agreed to cover the nightshift, AND burned through all my replicator rations for my date tonight…and then she goes and stands me up.”
  Harry hmmed and tried to smile. “Yeah, that rotten luck alright.” 
  “Rotten?” tom exclaimed indignantly. “Its terrible. Downright unfair is what it is.” He felt outraged on his own behalf even though it was a total lie; he definitely did not have a date. 
  “Maybe she just wasnt that into you,” harry offered weakly, more to fill the silence than anything else. 
  Tom gave his friend an indignant look. “Har, come on. Its me,” he said, pointing at his chest. “Women love me.”
  Harry couldnt help but give a little snort. “Sure they do. Thats why you're here, talking with me instead of your date.”
  Tom let out a sigh. “Well. Maybe you have a point. THIS time.”
  “Who was your date, anyway?” harry asked.
  But tom waved his hand dismissively. “Doesnt matter. What does matter, is ive got the holedeck reserved for the next three hours. So, come on.” tom stood and grinned down at harry. “Lets go.”
  Harry almost stood just out of reflex. But then he sagged. “Im not good company right now.” 
  Tom scoffed. “Im the one who’s just been stood up. IM not good company right now. Come on, harry,” he urged again. “Please dont let me have suffered through vulcan poetry for nothing. Please!” The silence stretched. “You’d be doing me a favor. Really.” 
  After another moment, a slow smile spread across harrys face. “I suppose we cant have that,” he agreed reluctantly. He had no idea what vulcan poetry entailed, but just the thought made him shudder.
  “There he is,” tom said enthusiastically as harry stood. He draped an arm around the ensigns shoulders and quickly steered him for the door. “Youre going to be impressed with the program that i came up with. I cant wait to show you.”
  As they neared the holodeck tom finally let his arm drop from harrys shoulder. He tried to ignore the sudden disappointment he felt when he did. Instead, he ordered the computer to start his newest program. “So here it is,” he said as they walked in. He threw his arms wide and gave harry a crooked grin. 
  Harry spun in a slow circle, slowly taking in the surroundings. It was a balmy 75 degrees with stars filling the night sky. Gravel crunched underfoot as he shifted his weight and the sound of some sort of insect filled the quiet summer night. There were rows of ancient boxy like contraptions that harry knew used to ferry people around all parked in front of massive, white screens. 
  “Its called a drive in movie,” tom explained as he watched his friends face carefully. 
  Harry stood with his hands on his hips as he took in the program. “There sure are a lot of…what are they again? Vehicles?”
  Tom grinned. “Cars,” he corrected. “And not just cars harry. No. These are hotrods.” He rubbed his hands together. “ The best of the best in style and design. They were what they used to call, chick magnets.”
  Harry just smiled and nodded. Sometimes it was just easier that way. “And what about those screens?” he asked as he nodded his head to the large, white square dominating the holodeck. 
  Tom brightened even further. “Thats where they used to project the movie. Right onto the screen there and then you and whoever you were with, would sit in the car and watch.” 
  Harry raised his eyebrows. After a moment he asked. “Thats it?”
  “What?” tom asked, defensively. 
  Harry just shrugged. “Well, that doesnt seem very romantic. I thought you said this was for a date.”
  Toms eyebrows shot up. “Oh,” he exclaimed. “Not romantic enough, huh? Well I will have you know, this is incredibly romantic.”
  Harry just continued to look skeptical so tom took a step forward and said, “I will prove it to you.”
  Harry cocked his head quizzically. “Prove it to me?”
  “Yeah,” tom said, doubling down on this crazy impulse. He had no idea why he had insisted on showing harry this program when they could have just done captain proton or gone to sandrines or done any other program really. He didnt question why NEEDED harry to see how romantic the program was. How romantic HE could be. 
  Tom made a mock bow and held out his hands. “After you, dear sir,” he said, still grinning. He led harry over to the snack stand, letting his hand rest briefly on harrys low back. He ignored the way his fingers ached to linger, to explore. 
  “These were the snacks typical for that time,” Tom pointed out enthusiastically as they stood at the window to the small hut, the overpower scent of salt and butter wafting towards them. harry looked in the window and eyed many of the items dubiously. Why there were sausages floating in a large metal turning contraption, he didnt know, nor was he sure he wanted to. They felt as questionable as some of nelix concoctions.
  “Popcorn is quintessential when it comes to moves,” tom reassured him as he asked the standard, bored teenager stationed at the window for the largest popcorn they had. She popped a bubble of chewing gum, looking unimpressed then slowly turned away to fetch it for them.
  “If you say so,” harry agreed as tom handed him a box of the popped corn and a drink in a very questionable cup. “Arent you getting some too?”
  Tom winked, holding up a drink but no snacks. “You’ll see.” He moved towards a large, fancy car with a truly ostentatious paint job. “This is a convertible,” he explained. “That means that the roof can be pulled down for beautiful nights like this, so you can sit under the stars.”
  Harry nodded in appreciation as he slid into the seat next to tom. “So then what. What happens next on your super romantic dates?”
  Tom flashed him a grin. “Well, I start the movie.” Which he did. “Its a classic romance flick. Its called Casablanca, set during the second world war. Those soldiers, the…um, nazis, are the bad guys.” 
  Harry helped himself to some popcorn as the film started to play on the large screen. His eyes widened in surprise. 
  “Its good, isnt it?” tom asked knowingly. “And now you see why we only got one box.” He casually reached over to where harry held the snack and let his fingers brush over the ensigns.
  Harrys eyebrows raised and then he smiled appreciatively. “Ah, I see,” he agreed. “Okay. What other moves do you have?” he asked as he only half watched what was happening on the screen. 
  Tom smiled then stretched with an obvious yawn. He slowly let his arm rest around harrys shoulders while the other dropped into his lap. He flashed harry a grin. “Oldest trick in the book.”
  Harry laughed. He didnt know if he moved closer or if tom pulled him, but suddenly he found himself leaning into tom. But he realized he didnt mind it at all. “So,” he said, shaking the box of popcorn and offering it to tom, who reached over with his free hand, bringing them even closer together. “I am beginning to see how this might be romantic.”
  “You havent seen anything yet,” Tom declared. “Wait til you hear my best pickup lines.”
  Harry snorted. “What’ev you got, stud?”
  Tom grinned, the corner of his eyes twinking. “Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again?”
  Harry groaned. “Oh. Thats awful.” 
  “Wait. This ones better, Are you a phaser? Because youre set to stun!” Tom laughed even as harry rolled his eyes. 
  “Or how about-Even in zero gravity, I would still fall for you.”
  Harry laughed. “You know, that ones actually not half bad.”
  “Thanks har, thats how I want to be remembered. Not half bad,” tom joked. He took a piece of popcorn and threw it at his friend. Before harry could do more than gasp in outrage tom grinned again. 
  “No. Here's the winner.” He leaned closer. “Feel my shirt.” When harry just looked at him, tom nodded his head encouragingly. “Feel my shirt.” So harry hesitantly rubbed a hand over toms chest. “Know what thats made of?” he asked when harry let his hand drop. “Boyfriend material.” He’d said it as a joke, but as soon as the words were out of his mouth, he knew he meant it. 
  Tom held his breath as he watched harrys face. It felt like all the air in the car had been sucked into the vacuum of space. Something flickered in harrys eyes but tom wasnt sure what it was. 
  Finally harry smiled. “Thats the best one yet,” he said softly. 
  “Yeah? You think so?” Tom asked, equally as soft, all joking gone from his voice for once. 
  Harry pursed his lips as if thinking about it then nodded. “Yeah. I do.” He looked at tom then let his hand dig into the popcorn. Tom slipped his hand into the container as well. 
  “You know harry,” tom said, smiling again. “I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”
  “What?” harry asked quizzically. 
  Tom laughed and nodded his chin towards the screen. “You’ll see what I mean.” 
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wolfstrong · 1 year ago
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HEY MAN i listened to the smiths songs you req'd today.. I REALLY LIKED THEM! long ask incoming.
i had known about 'back to the old house' before, and i think the bit where it's all like "and you never knew how much i really liked you ..." is so wildly depressing but always really strikes a chord with me. like that's not a new thought but i had to say. i think it's one of their more devastating songs.
i liked 'accept yourself' and the way it kind of feels like he's just chiding himself about everything. i honestly think it's best when it's listened after heaven knows im miserable or something. there's a fun irony that's in a lot of their stuff that i really like. and it's like a song that you'd listen to while doing the sad morning sit on the edge of the bed. i like the imagery
i liked the vibes of 'stretch out and wait' and 'unloveable' too. the instrumentals were my favourite parts . i like when they sometimes lean more into strummy/twangy/wiggly stuff but have the morrisey voice to work along with it. i liekd the sounds.
AND SPEAKING OF. okay i'll be real i avoided meat is murder as a whole up until now because i think the title is so crazy (like i love the smiths but i couldnt deal with that) BUT rusholme ruffians was fucking GREAAAT. DEF MY FAVE YOU SENT ME. I LOVVE THE SOUND and it reminds me of being out in the country while i was growing up. and the storytelling bits about the fair and weird teenage love and UGHHH. that was def my fave and i'll listen to it a lot going forward.
BUT ANYHOW SORRY THANK YOU A LOT I APPRECIATED IT SM. it was so awesome to listen to more niche stuff and hear all the diff avenues... MERCI BUCKETS MAN!!!!!!
Ugh your literally the besssttttttttt 😭😭😭 THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING. bro I agree … “you never knew how much I really liked you…” I lose my mind every time at that parttttttt LIKE FOR REALL!!! Also I agree accept yourself if the vibe of sitting on the edge of your bed. I actually like have ideas to make a amv to that song it just brings such strong visuals. The beginning beats “DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN” always reminds me of getting woken up by your alarm clock for workkkk 😭😭😭😭
Also I think rn at this moment Rusholme Ruffians is my fav too I can’t lie. I’ve lived right next to the fair for many years now and go all the time during the summer and that song somehow captures the EXACT VIBE. EXACT VIBE. especially the vibe of kind of being a loner of observer in a big crowd and seeing small snippets of the lives of the people around you… “And though I walk home alone, I might walk home alone ...”
It’s so good
THANKS MAN!! you can always rec me stuff back 😁
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mbat · 2 years ago
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i keep thinking about book 14 and the crown thing at the end that can seem ridiculous if you take it at face value, but i dont think youre supposed to take it at face value
the icewing crown was enchanted by a past queen so that everyone who wore it afterwards would hate nightwings just as much as she did. at first that like, comes out of nowhere and sounds like. funny honestly. like okay, sure, okay. racism crown
but i personally believe its meant to be more symbolic than literal
this queen, queen diamond as we know, had lost her son to another tribe, she percieved it as him having been kidnapped, stolen from her and never returned, but because she couldnt accept the truth that her son had simply fallen in love with a dragon from that tribe and had run off with her. quite frankly, no matter the truth, losing your child and never seeing them again can be life changing, even traumatic.
im not excusing her actions of course, but rather trying to explain them and my own point
not to mention that they were primary royal line at this point, and on top of that were both the last animus dragons from a long, long line of animus dragons who the icewing tribe held near and dear for many generations. this decision her son made would change the whole world, but also would change her whole world.
she was definitely pissed about it, and would not dare let anyone forget. she ended up kidnapping and imprisoning the woman he ran off with for not only the rest of her own life, but for the 2000 years following long after her death. cementing how harshly she hated what happened, and hated a woman who simply fell in love with her son.
personally im not surprised she went a step further and enchanted the crown to drive the point into the ground.
with all that out of the way, the symbolism is clear to me. its the trauma and the hatred being passed down through the generations. she didnt want anyone to dare forget what happened, and they wouldnt for a long time. not until snowfall went on a journey that would change her own life, this time for the better, and she said a big ol fuck you to several icewing traditions all at once.
of course, she wasnt the first of her own generation of family to say fuck you to it all, her own sister and cousins all proved that, but especially in the way that winter released foeslayer and quite literally broke the way a tradition even functioned, and ended the long, long torture of the poor woman, and one of diamonds horrible ways of expressing her hatred for what happened.
but snowfall is a queen. a queen who wore that shitty little racism crown more often than literally anyone wanted aside from whatsername (tundra?) and her mind was racing with paranoia of not only her own tribespeople and other tribes, but especially of the nightwings.
it wasnt until she spent days not only with other dragons, but ending up as other dragons due to animus magic she foolishly decided to wear without knowing what it was (it was a good thing of course) that she was stripped of her debilitating paranoia for the most part, and saw how her own tribe traditions were only making it worse.
a cliff made to physically harm anyone who would try and enter the kingdom. a board that she literally had to change daily that insisted that certain dragons had to be better than eachother. and of course, a crown that was enchanted to make you hate certain dragons the way your ancestor did because she couldnt cope with her own circumstances a long, long time ago.
she looked around and saw a tribe that was long broken because of traditions people were terrified to touch, but she was sick of it all, and not only that, she wanted to be the best queen she could possibly be.
she broke the cliff wall, officially letting other dragons in. she broke the circles wall, refusing to trap anyone else in the hell of trying to be better than eachother (and of her having to stand in front of it every night miserably sorting people lol), and she broke the crown that was poisoned to make her and every other queen feel the hatred of someone long dead, literally or not.
she saw the best way to be queen as breaking traditions that her people held dear, but those traditions were only harming them in the long run. and on top of it, she broke a long held chain of generational hatred that she was never supposed to feel in the first place.
queen diamond couldnt cope with the loss of her son and she took it out on anyone she saw fit, and that meant even her own descendants* who had nothing to do with it that she would never even meet. thats like, the definition of generational trauma isnt it?
*(or rather her niece and who came after her)
so yeah, racism crown ha ha, but like... symbolic of generation trauma, and eventually the breaking of it and other things as breaking that chain and the traditions that upheld them.
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raddocwrites · 10 months ago
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A night at the drive in
Voyager: Tom/Harry
Tom gripped his tray a little tighter as he spotted harry, sitting alone at a table in the corner. His friend sat slumped with his arms crossed, staring out the window, his dinner untouched. Again. 
Tom felt something heavy settle in his chest at the sight. After a moment, an idea struck him and he strode over. He let his tray fall onto the table and sat with a loud groan. “You will not believe my luck, harry,” he grumbled. 
Harry startled then registered his friends presence. “Sorry. What was that?”
Tom fought the urge to smile. His friend was miserable, but he was still unfailingly polite. As always. Instead, tom let out another loud sigh. “You will not believe my luck.” Harry just looked at him, but tom took that as a good sign. If he’d just fallen in love with an unattainable alien- again- he’d have been hurling knives, or at least insults, at anyone who came near him. 
“I traded in three favors, listened to ensign vorik recite vulcan poetry, agreed to cover the nightshift, AND burned through all my replicator rations for my date tonight…and then she goes and stands me up.”
Harry hmmed and tried to smile. “Yeah, that rotten luck alright.” 
“Rotten?” tom exclaimed indignantly. “Its terrible. Downright unfair is what it is.” He felt outraged on his own behalf even though it was a total lie; he definitely did not have a date. 
“Maybe she just wasnt that into you,” harry offered weakly, more to fill the silence than anything else. 
Tom gave his friend an indignant look. “Har, come on. Its me,” he said, pointing at his chest. “Women love me.”
Harry couldnt help but give a little snort. “Sure they do. Thats why you're here, talking with me instead of your date.”
Tom let out a sigh. “Well. Maybe you have a point. THIS time.”
“Who was your date, anyway?” harry asked.
But tom waved his hand dismissively. “Doesnt matter. What does matter, is ive got the holedeck reserved for the next three hours. So, come on.” tom stood and grinned down at harry. “Lets go.”
Harry almost stood just out of reflex. But then he sagged. “Im not good company right now.” 
Tom scoffed. “Im the one who’s just been stood up. IM not good company right now. Come on, harry,” he urged again. “Please dont let me have suffered through vulcan poetry for nothing. Please!” The silence stretched. “You’d be doing me a favor. Really.” 
After another moment, a slow smile spread across harrys face. “I suppose we cant have that,” he agreed reluctantly. He had no idea what vulcan poetry entailed, but just the thought made him shudder.
“There he is,” tom said enthusiastically as harry stood. He draped an arm around the ensigns shoulders and quickly steered him for the door. “Youre going to be impressed with the program that i came up with. I cant wait to show you.”
As they neared the holodeck tom finally let his arm drop from harrys shoulder. He tried to ignore the sudden disappointment he felt when he did. Instead, he ordered the computer to start his newest program. “So here it is,” he said as they walked in. He threw his arms wide and gave harry a crooked grin. 
Harry spun in a slow circle, slowly taking in the surroundings. It was a balmy 75 degrees with stars filling the night sky. Gravel crunched underfoot as he shifted his weight and the sound of some sort of insect filled the quiet summer night. There were rows of ancient boxy like contraptions that harry knew used to ferry people around all parked in front of massive, white screens. 
“Its called a drive in movie,” tom explained as he watched his friends face carefully. 
Harry stood with his hands on his hips as he took in the program. “There sure are a lot of…what are they again? Vehicles?”
Tom grinned. “Cars,” he corrected. “And not just cars harry. No. These are hotrods.” He rubbed his hands together. “ The best of the best in style and design. They were what they used to call, chick magnets.”
Harry just smiled and nodded. Sometimes it was just easier that way. “And what about those screens?” he asked as he nodded his head to the large, white square dominating the holodeck. 
Tom brightened even further. “Thats where they used to project the movie. Right onto the screen there and then you and whoever you were with, would sit in the car and watch.” 
Harry raised his eyebrows. After a moment he asked. “Thats it?”
“What?” tom asked, defensively. 
Harry just shrugged. “Well, that doesnt seem very romantic. I thought you said this was for a date.”
Toms eyebrows shot up. “Oh,” he exclaimed. “Not romantic enough, huh? Well I will have you know, this is incredibly romantic.”
Harry just continued to look skeptical so tom took a step forward and said, “I will prove it to you.”
Harry cocked his head quizzically. “Prove it to me?”
“Yeah,” tom said, doubling down on this crazy impulse. He had no idea why he had insisted on showing harry this program when they could have just done captain proton or gone to sandrines or done any other program really. He didnt question why NEEDED harry to see how romantic the program was. How romantic HE could be. 
Tom made a mock bow and held out his hands. “After you, dear sir,” he said, still grinning. He led harry over to the snack stand, letting his hand rest briefly on harrys low back. He ignored the way his fingers ached to linger, to explore. 
“These were the snacks typical for that time,” Tom pointed out enthusiastically as they stood at the window to the small hut, the overpower scent of salt and butter wafting towards them. harry looked in the window and eyed many of the items dubiously. Why there were sausages floating in a large metal turning contraption, he didnt know, nor was he sure he wanted to. They felt as questionable as some of nelix concoctions.
“Popcorn is quintessential when it comes to moves,” tom reassured him as he asked the standard, bored teenager stationed at the window for the largest popcorn they had. She popped a bubble of chewing gum, looking unimpressed then slowly turned away to fetch it for them.
“If you say so,” harry agreed as tom handed him a box of the popped corn and a drink in a very questionable cup. “Arent you getting some too?”
Tom winked, holding up a drink but no snacks. “You’ll see.” He moved towards a large, fancy car with a truly ostentatious paint job. “This is a convertible,” he explained. “That means that the roof can be pulled down for beautiful nights like this, so you can sit under the stars.”
Harry nodded in appreciation as he slid into the seat next to tom. “So then what. What happens next on your super romantic dates?”
Tom flashed him a grin. “Well, I start the movie.” Which he did. “Its a classic romance flick. Its called Casablanca, set during the second world war. Those soldiers, the…um, nazis, are the bad guys.” 
Harry helped himself to some popcorn as the film started to play on the large screen. His eyes widened in surprise. 
“Its good, isnt it?” tom asked knowingly. “And now you see why we only got one box.” He casually reached over to where harry held the snack and let his fingers brush over the ensigns.
Harrys eyebrows raised and then he smiled appreciatively. “Ah, I see,” he agreed. “Okay. What other moves do you have?” he asked as he only half watched what was happening on the screen. 
Tom smiled then stretched with an obvious yawn. He slowly let his arm rest around harrys shoulders while the other dropped into his lap. He flashed harry a grin. “Oldest trick in the book.”
Harry laughed. He didnt know if he moved closer or if tom pulled him, but suddenly he found himself leaning into tom. But he realized he didnt mind it at all. “So,” he said, shaking the box of popcorn and offering it to tom, who reached over with his free hand, bringing them even closer together. “I am beginning to see how this might be romantic.”
“You havent seen anything yet,” Tom declared. “Wait til you hear my best pickup lines.”
Harry snorted. “What’ev you got, stud?”
Tom grinned, the corner of his eyes twinking. “Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again?”
Harry groaned. “Oh. Thats awful.” 
“Wait. This ones better, Are you a phaser? Because youre set to stun!” Tom laughed even as harry rolled his eyes. 
“Or how about-Even in zero gravity, I would still fall for you.”
Harry laughed. “You know, that ones actually not half bad.”
“Thanks har, thats how I want to be remembered. Not half bad,” tom joked. He took a piece of popcorn and threw it at his friend. Before harry could do more than gasp in outrage tom grinned again. 
“No. Here's the winner.” He leaned closer. “Feel my shirt.” When harry just looked at him, tom nodded his head encouragingly. “Feel my shirt.” So harry hesitantly rubbed a hand over toms chest. “Know what thats made of?” he asked when harry let his hand drop. “Boyfriend material.” He’d said it as a joke, but as soon as the words were out of his mouth, he knew he meant it. 
Tom held his breath as he watched harrys face. It felt like all the air in the car had been sucked into the vacuum of space. Something flickered in harrys eyes but tom wasnt sure what it was. 
Finally harry smiled. “Thats the best one yet,” he said softly. 
“Yeah? You think so?” Tom asked, equally as soft, all joking gone from his voice for once. 
Harry pursed his lips as if thinking about it then nodded. “Yeah. I do.” He looked at tom then let his hand dig into the popcorn. Tom slipped his hand into the container as well. 
“You know harry,” tom said, smiling again. “I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”
“What?” harry asked quizzically. 
Tom laughed and nodded his chin towards the screen. “You’ll see what I mean.” 
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lonelyloverz · 18 days ago
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Man
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i feel like shit
i planned to hang out with a genuine friend for the first time in a year and we decided to make it into a sleepover
i live with my parents and i told my mom the day before because i just got a new car and she accompanies me when im driving at night. but i didn’t tell my dad until i was leaving
he got so pissed that i didn’t tell him before hand, saying shit like “you know we live in america” “mom’s not your only parent” “you have to tell me things before hand” “if anything happens don’t call me”
like tf dude you don’t even care to have a conversation with me everyday. we literally don’t talk until i speak first and he acts like im a nuisance in his life. it’s not like he’s ever accompanied me driving, help me pack or in any other way, and we didn’t have any plans (at least not that i know of since he doesn’t talk to any of my siblings) so i didn’t see a need to tell him until i was leaving
then he blew up at my mom for not telling him when she found out or whatever. idk idk idfk now he’s acting like a fucking teenager moody as shit and ignoring all of us
i told him there was only going to be one girl and i’m not a party person or interested in drugs (im lit literally a socially awkward mumbling loser) so idk why he’s so fucking mad that i wanted to go have a sleepover
and if you think there must be more to the story, yes there is sooooo much more but it’s stupid shit that’s accumulated over the past year and i’m pissed rn so i don’t feel like explaining everything
another thing currently bothering me is that he’s saying i’ve been getting smart with him ever since i transferred into a better college (aka when i came back and started living with my parents) when it’s just that he has grown even more psychotic since i left for my first college last year and i finally have a chance to tell him in his face that he’s acting like a delusional fucking manchild
he acts like he doesn’t get respected by anyone in the house as if he hasn’t been yelling at us, emotionally neglecting us, calling us useless, headaches, and disappointments since we were kids. yeah my younger siblings are rowdy but he doesn’t understand how good we are compared to other kids. we all get As/Bs in school, never get called to the office, none of us do drugs or around bad influences, and we help around in the house THANKS TO OUR MOM. plus a big thing for our dad is money EVERYTHING has to be about money and we’re not even poor or struggling and ik i sound spoiled here but listen
the only times we would ever go to a restaurant is our birthdays, we go to movie theaters max once a year unless a friend invites us, no bowling, no skating, no arcades, no occasional mcdonald’s. i would not have experienced any of these had my mom not taken me secretly when my dad was out at work on my days off school or the occasional invitation from friends. and so what are we living this stingy life for you may ask. it’s for my spoilt relatives wherever they live asking for computers and iphones and shoes and shit. I COULDNT GET A LAPTOP UNTIL I GOT INTO COLLEGE but apparently years ago my dad tried to buy one for a distant relative even though they had the money for it. i wear the same clothes since middle school and early high school. my dad doesn’t even buy/choose christmas OR birthday presents for us it’s always been my grandparents on my moms side
i hate him
it’s so clear that he hates me so i hate him
god i’m such a fucking loser
it was a mistake to come back to this miserable house
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xx-neon · 1 year ago
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july 4th
hi again.
i was planning on writing more. the whole point of this was to get my feelings out everyday to cope but its been awhile.
again, if youre not me reading this. good luck.
so my ex broke up with me right? so much happened that i didnt know about. im tired of talking about it really since its been such a hot topic (my ex and i work together too and share a lot of the same friends) thats the cherry on top lol.
he has a new girlfriend. they started dating the day he left.
ouch.
another ouch? 
im her manager at work
looking at it now. this is all one giant hilarious cluster fuck LOL.
im not going to go into details of the messy stuff since its a dead horse at this point.
do i seem happier?
i actually tried killing myself. 
not because of him though. hes a loser with nothing going for him so that would be a waste. i did it because of all the emotions after what happened. i didnt have enough time to find somewhere to live. i couldnt bring my cat with me if i moved with my parents far away. i felt like the whole world was against me and i didnt do anything to deserve it. and it wasnt going to get better. i talked about being in a hole and trying to climb out in my last post. this hole extended 1000 ft in the ground and there was no sign of light. i had no sign of light in me. i didnt eat for a week. i drank everyday. i couldnt sleep. why me? what did i do wrong? is this my karma for being me?
so i really did it.
obviously it didnt work lol. im still here. i spent 6 days in the hospital. one in the ER and 5 in the BHU. i was diagnosed with an eating disorder, major depressive disorder and psychosis. i got help for my drinking too. whoo 
this sounds cringy. but i feel reborn. i didnt mention in my last post but i have BPD (boarderline personality disorder). ive been diagnosed for about 10 years. most of those spent unmedicated and out of therapy so i was really rawdogging life LOL. if you know anything about BPD its probably the worst thing to deal with. thankfully im self aware so i havent ruined my life but fuck man everyone else ruins it for me. 
im in extensive therapy. im on like what... 4 medications?? and i just feel like life is great. ewwww so cringe LOL. but seriously. it is. i dont think ive ever felt so normal in my life. my anxiety is gone. paranoia is gone. my head feels so light now im not bogged down. idk its just so nice. i smile at work now. i smile when i see my friends that i never knew i had. i just know how great life can be.
but then theres this.
schadenfreude
its a german word for basically feeling happy off of someone elses misery.
thats how i feel towards my ex
i know i know its fucked up. but what he did to me isnt?
i never said i was a good person LOL.
i love i just LOVE hearing about how miserable he looks and how happy i look. i revel in it. i cherish in it. i frolic in a field of flowers in it LOL.
okay. we get it. but seriously. i knew karma would come. thats why i learned to stay silent. yes i did lash out and have a mental breakdown wouldnt we all? but he lost friends over this. people think hes fucked up. that in itself makes me feel better. ya know schadenfreude. i do wish he could be a better person but i dont wish him the best. him feeling like this is good. he’ll learn from it. he’ll learn he cant always get away with being an asshole. karma will continue to come his way and she wont hold back. 
ill try to write more now that im happy. 
xx
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femalehysteria420 · 2 years ago
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No actually fuxk all the people who traumatized me i dont give a fuck ill say their names im not fucking scared because nothing that they can do now is what they put me through fuck you julian and james (girls will get groomed by one man and abused by another within the same time frame lmfao but also james started dating an 14 year old when he was 19 so take that as you fucking will) and the biggest fuck younof all to grey thanks for ruining ny fucking lifeni cant sleep i cant eat anymore ive been relapsing weekly at this point soemtimes even more thannonce a week yeah its my fault but its your fucking fault to go to hell fuck you seriously and you know what im not a liar or a faker no one even follows this blog im fucking venting because i deserve it and i am so tired of hearing allt hese fears im crazy im auust a delusional hysterical woman im a liar for attention i made it all up wlel so what it im downright clinically insane i dont guve a fuck i dont give a fuck if im fucking schizoaffective and bpd whatever fuck it fuck you i hope allof these people die i hope youre miserable i hope someone tortures and kills you but it makes me so mar becuaee youll never understand youll never get the pain and suffering youve put me through and when i inevidably find the appropriate time to kill myself my blood will be on your hands and before i go you better expect me to go fucking hannah baker fucking dark betty cooper whatever i will be your worst nightmare i deserve a good for her suicide and i hope grey will never be able to find a job when i tell everuone, and i mean everyone, i dont care befause at this point if i can come upnwith a plan that isnt too impulsive who gives a shit if i post my final exposee on facebook god isiund like hannah baker but you know what she was right and im right fuck you forever i hope every this whole world burns i hope everything burns i dont care is what i keep saying buti do care i do care a lot ajd i hopeaplnof i hese epople live horrible miserablenlifes then spend anotehr eternity of hell suffering I could kin lime from the witchs heart couldnt i but anyway theyll never get it theyll never understand the weight of what they did to me they ruined my fucking life you ruined everything for me i hate you i hate you more than i could even put into words i sound insane i KNOW is oumd imsane but who cares about me sounding insane anymore
Actually scratchall that my friwnd texted me and i remember my friends make me happynand inlove theknok fuck i cant fucking type fuck all the bad people but i love my friends holy shit do i have borderlinenpersonality disorder
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