#im sorry my brain has genuinely died i tried to think of what to say and i felt it give out one of those

[gu6chan]

99% just my autism speaking here but something ive been noticing lately that im sorta kinda 😶 about is when ppl are like "I think you'll like this" but not bc they ACTUALLY think you'll like it, rather they just got into it and want you to also get into it so "I think you'll like this" is a nice personal hook. i love chill stuff as much as any other person ofc but given i don't divulge that EVER, what makes you think my berserk reading, made in abyss watching, drakengard playing ass would like YURU CAMP????

[sharkface-daydreams]

uno reverse. whats YOUR thoughts on churboose (for ship bingo)

SCREAMPS this popped up in my inbox directly after i posted the last one lmfao HI ok i will tell u about. churboose<3

my God. I've run out of brain juice. but they are so. u know? mm. cute together. the hurts of longing for someone who's gone. churboose cute. only gets cuter when u add more blue team. Tex and Tucker. nods

[inamagicalhallucination]

pm dazai time traveling and meeting the ada and them being freaked out by him and him scaring them and thinking theyre all idiots for trusting him and it all being angsty and shit is a very interesting take

but personally, i think if pm dazai ever time traveled to meet the ada, they would, without much thought, say or do something that shows that they genuinely like him and he would probably just pass out because he cant handle genuine positive emotions directed at him (see bsd wan)

kunikida: here have this drink so you don’t pass out and die from dehydration you bastard

pm dazai: ... why did you get me this one?

kunikida: it’s ur favorite?????

pm dazai: oh *passes out*

/

pm dazai: so... you all think im ur friend

kenji: you are our friend !! we do all sorts of fun stuff together !! *thinking about all the times dazai helped him bring a cow into the office*

pm dazai: huh *internally screaming*

/

pm dazai: *vaguely shifts*

yosano: oh are your bandages itchy? i have some spare if you wanna go and change them?

pm dazai: *dies but not in the way he wants to*

/

pm dazai: im a demon; human emotions don’t mean much to me

ranpo: i’ve seen you cry over studio ghibli films, you’re as human as they get

pm dazai: oh

/

pm dazai: you just accepted me into your agency?

fukuzawa, patting his head: of course 

pm dazai: *just fucking drops to the ground*

/

pm dazai:

Jun'ichiro: oh hey, here, naomi and i thought you might be bored so we set up a bunch of movies to watch or games for you to play :)

pm dazai, on the verge of passing out, lightheaded: wh-what

naomi: yeah! we picked all the ones we thought you’d like :))

pm dazai: *falling to the ground*

/

kyoka: here

pm dazai, taking the crepe: what’s this

kyoka: i went to get some and thought you’d enjoy this flavor.

pm dazai: *chokes and nods*

/

pm dazai: why do you like me so much

atsushi: there’s lots of reasons to like you mr. dazai! maybe it’s because you always take care of me. maybe it’s because you’re funny. maybe it’s because you were the first human i ever met. it’s hard to pinpoint

pm dazai: *cries and passes out*

//

bonus:

pm dazai, staring at the grave in front of him:

atsushi: i didn’t know your friend, mr. dazai, but i think he would’ve been very proud over how much you’ve tried, and how much you’ve succeeded in being a good person

pm dazai: im not a good person. even if future me has deluded you all to think-

atsushi: i think mr. dazai is a really good person. he may have done bad things before, but i think putting in the effort to change and be better is amazing. you help people through the agency, and you prove you’re a good person. maybe you’re not perfect, but we all love you because you’re you mr dazai :)

//

i didn’t include haruno or katai because i was running out of brain thoughts sorry

/

anyway since atsushi was horrifically abused his entire life, i thought it’d be interesting to have him call dazai the first human he met, because he’d be the first kind and real person he’d have met - since the orphanage was filled with people who tormented him, they’re registered in his head for the inhumane treatment they put him through if that all makes sense

anyway

i made a few people mention dazai being human since he has that whole thing of thinking he’s not

yeah anyway these are just my two cents feel free to add on or comment

[togamicrying]

honey you e got a big storm coming

35, 39, 47, 48, 51, 56, 83 hee hee

MAPLE.

35. A character who should’ve got more character development?

like. sooooo many of them lol. can i say the entire cast of v3? because honest to god that's my answer -- even my faves in v3 leave Something to be desired

beyond that, i actually think that thh and gbd do a really good job of stretching characters to their maximum narrative utility before killing them off, and i do feel like in both games the most narratively flexible ones are the ones who live. i think if i had to say anyone from those games it'd probably be leon or sayaka just because the way the free time events work in trigger happy havoc work mean they get like three events and then they die and you never get to know more lmfaoo (but even then i still don't think their characters are Lacking in the way that the v3 cast is for me. sorry for being a v3 hater lol)

39. Smartest murder plan?

komaeda's, obviously LMFAO. god every time i replay sdr2 chapter 5 im struck by it all over again. like they literally had to guess!! even with nanami revealing herself! even then! they still had to be like well. hope his luck actually worked out! king popped off and the entire trial is SO good for advancing the plot and tying off hinata's dynamics with BOTH komaeda and nanami! the moment of sickening clarity when hinata realizes that he DOES understand how komaeda's brain works, and knows what his intentions really were? nanami and hinata's final goodbye? uuuugh sdr2 chapter 5 i love youuuuu.

rest under the cut bc Long.

47. A headcanon you have about a character?

*pushes two million unfinished drafts of Togami Headcanons to the side* i am going to talk about komaru. i think she's a butch lesbian and every time she's depicted as feminine in fanart my soul dies a little even though butch komaru exists solely in my head. i also think she's really sporty, but i've talked about that elsewhere hehe.

ok i'll talk about togami a little bit. it's 100% projection but i think he's agender. not in a way where he like. actively thinks about it -- even at Full Self-Actualization i'm not sure if i ever see him actually realizing it and actively thinking about himself in that way -- but i just dont think he as any particular connection to being a *man* outside of how it plays into his attraction to other men/his family's expectations of producing heirs. like he just kind of is how he is and doesn't feel compelled to make any particular effort to present as masculine. i could make a joke here about his gender just being Togami, but genuinely i do think that rings true. he's not a boy or a girl but a secret third thing (byakuya togami™️) does this make sense. like. to anyone (<- projecting and insane) whatever. i think he would look nice in a floor length skirt.

48. Favourite OST?

i... usually play the games on silent :X legit i know like 3 songs including mr monokumas lesson. just tried to remember what beautiful days sounded like and the wii sports theme is what my brain supplied (<- embarrassed)

i WILL say that i think drv3 has the best opening track of any of the games. its so jazzy and fun hehe

51. Character you thought you were gonna dislike but loved in the end?

mmm. hard to say, honestly? it's been so many years since i formed first impressions of the thh and gbd casts that i kind of dont even remember what i first thought of them? i have a lot of v3 characters who i thought i would like and wound up feeling kind of ehh about, but that's not the question lol

i think, Big Terrible Writing Choice aside, i was really surprised by how much i wound up actually *liking* korekiyo? like okay OBVIOUSLY they took his character in a terrible direction but before that when he's just like, a weird little freak? that ruled lol

in terms of characters that i've had full turnarounds in opinion over the course of 2012-2022? i remember not particularly liking/caring about kirigiri, sayaka, fukawa, souda, or gundam when i first read the playthroughs of their games, and now they're some of my favorites hehe. but that's less about me going *into* the games thinking i wouldnt like them -- because in both cases i went in completely blind -- and more about them growing on me like a fungus over successive playthroughs lol

56. Best free time events?

ok. take this with a grain of salt because i'm stalled out in my sdr2 replay rn so i haven't redone the free time events for that game in awhile/haven't done any v3 ftes besides maki's and ouma's because im a hater.

i think kirigiri has really good fte's. i love that she gets a little sillay in them and how subtle her progression from "why are you talking to me" to "i care deeply about you" is. i also really appreciate how the game cutting her off as an option for free time at certain points serves to make that progression feel really natural with the game's actual plot. love you miss kirigiri.

mondo's are really great as well, he's such a fun guy to interact with and him talking about wanting to be a carpenter and loving his stupid tiny dog and being too nervous to ask girls out all add such levity to his character and make it SO sad when he dies. like damn that biker gang leader trapped in a murder game really is just like. some guy in high school :-( i also loved that they brought him wanting to be a carpenter back in dr:s! made my heart soar uuuuugh i love you mondo, sorry i never ever talk about you

komaeda gets an honorable mention for his botched love confession. buddy you did So Bad.

83. Least favourite chapter?

[staring myself down in the mirror] i will not hate on v3 this time i will not hate on v3 this time i will not hate on--

chapter 4 of v3 was soooo boring guys. i hated the virtual world and idk if it was just me but the controls for it were just. nightmarish. whatever lets talk about the games i do like.

i also agree with @ovidiomedes about thh's c3 kind of dragging. it's one of my favorite trials, but the actual chapter is. really slow lol. i think part of that is due to the anticipation of chapters 4-6 which are some of my all time favorites across all three games, but i think it has larger narrative problems that contribute to that dragging feeling ://

[betweenthings2]

queen if u just got a somewhat long ask that just stopped randomly IGNORE. i am silly and closed tumblr halfway through typing 😞 anyway i'll redo it because this fic has changed my brain chemistry. oh my GOD. it's just so amazing. i can't even put it into words. sorry in advance for how long this is by the way!!

"Even in all of that, though, nothing hides the way George looks at him like he’s grieving. Matty knows that there is something to grieve, not just from George’s perspective. Something in him died in that house, at William’s hands. Something in him was butchered, was left to bleed out on the carpet." nevermind george grieving I'M GRIEVING. this is SO beautiful. the use of butchered like he's just some helpless animal I NEED TO BE SEDATED

"Matty is quiet for a moment, thinking, then he admits, “I don’t know what to do with that, George. I don’t know how to let you love me in the way you want to.” " im gonna scream and cry he's so sad i can't deal with this. fuckass william needs a kick in the balls and i will invade this fictional universe to do so

"the sex he didn’t want but couldn’t say no to because he was too high, all the sex he tried to say no to." im about to throw a tantrum and yell and die this is the most heartbreaking thing i've ever read

"“He haunts me, George.” William is a specter in the corner of every room, in the corner of Matty’s head." a person has died and the person is me. STOP IT I CAN'T TAKE THIS

"He looks godlike and Matty feels very small in a very good way." MATTY GOING FROM FEELING SMALL TO HIDE TO FEELING SMALL LIKE THIS. i'm going to start convulsing this is so. like. my heart is about to explode in my chest

"Matty shrugs, a little helpless. “It felt like love. It felt like the love I deserved.”" i changed my mind, this is the most heartbreaking. 'it felt like the love i deserved' i am screaming into a pillow.

i genuinely cannot express how beautiful this is, like, your writing as a whole is just. MWAH. but this was so !!!!!!!! i love your writing so much 🫶❤️ also, again, i apologise for sending you a whole essay

(ps, can i pretty please be an emoji anon 😇 if so, could i use this 🕸 ? it's okay if not!!)

Welcome to the team? club? group? Spiderweb Anon!! 💚💚

Thank you so much for the ask and the compliments--I love long asks so much!! There will be a suitably long answer =)

I actually thought long and hard about the verb here. Killed seemed to passive, murdered wasn't the right feeling, and things like destroyed, or ruined, or ended didn't really capture the helplessness and hopelessness. Butchered, though, feels raw and a little bit graphic and I think makes that bit what I wanted it to be--raw and uncomfortable and confrontational. I used the phrase 'like a lamb to slaughter' in Cherry Wine and I think the word choice here continues that metaphor--that fictional!Matty feels helpless, blind, desperate, unable to get off the path he's on, docile and non-confrontational to the point it harms him. (Lambs are not, for the record, docile and non-confrontational. They're awful and they will bite.)

"fuckass william needs a kick in the balls" is possibly one of the funniest things I've ever gotten in an ask, particularly in regard to The Big Light fics. This fic was almost called This Is What Love Looks Like because fictional!Matty spends most of it trying to understand how fictional!George loves him and how to accept that. He's trying so hard, they're both trying so hard. Things will get better for them, eventually.

I love the concept of a haunting, or the idea that there is something you can't or won't let go of or that won't let go of you. Fictional!Matty can't let go of everything that's happened, in part because it's still there for him, physically, but it also won't let go of him because he blames himself for so much of it. The haunting in this fic, and is this whole series, is, I think, synonymous with guilt and shame and fear for fictional!Matty.

I didn't even realize the continuity in fictional!Matty feeling small until you pointed it out here, but now that I see it, I'm feeling quite proud of myself, so thanks for that =) In all of this, fictional!Matty sees fictional!George as his safe place, fictional!George encourages it, of course, and sometimes fictional!Matty quite likes that he can be small and have it be safe. It's the difference between being cozy in bed with a bunch of blankets and being alone when it's storming or something for him.

Poor fictional!Matty didn't/doesn't really like himself all that much, especially when he was using, so the conditional affection or kindness that comes hand-in-hand with violence is what he'd do to himself. People don't, as far as I understand, take themselves out of bad situations that they think they deserve, and fictional!Matty is no different. Plus, as he said to fictional!Adam, he got drugs out of the deal and that's what he really wanted at that point.

Thank you so much for the ask and kind words!! Here's an essay in response--I've never shut up a day in my life so this is what we get.

[justalads]

c!niki and c!wilbur enjoyers. pspspspspspsps

alright guys so last night i rewatched pretty much all of the pogtopia arc. and this isn’t meant to be a big, important analysis post (it’s kind of incomprehensible), because my brain is fried from, you know. rewatching pretty much all of pogtopia. but i do have some stuff i’d like to say.

(this also just became a niki meta sorry i love her. i really just got emo about her during the second half of this and it got long. i have a lot of feelings about her and wilbur’s friendship.)

it’s a pretty general conclusion that wilbur’s real “downfall” began on october 8th, during the stream “who are you go away”. of course, his spiral and the process of him losing faith had begun much earlier, more around the end of the first war or during the election. but the big switch, so to say, was definitely here, when as wilbur walks back from schlatt’s announcement, he asks tommy if they’re the bad guys.

this entire scene was so interesting to me. wilbur here is a man who has lost hope, someone who is backed into a corner morally and has nothing left. he points out that they can never really reclaim l’manburg without forever tainting it, and that schlatt knows this. the entire half an hour or so before, schlatt has been taunting wilbur about losing that power. the emphasis of the festival on “democracy” is so clearly a barb thrown at wilbur, and it works.

wilbur’s “nothing left to lose” in this vod is a mirror to niki’s “you know what they say about a woman who has nothing left to lose”. this will not be the first time they mirror each other.

basically, wilbur’s angry. when schlatt announced the festival, wilbur realized that maybe it wasn’t a terrible thing. so once he worked around into the mindset of “we’re the bad guys”, he was able to justify saying he was going to blow up the nation with no remorse. he wants chaos! he wants no survivors!

does he do it? god no.

during the streams leading up to november 16th, wilbur is consistently scared. he goes back and forth on it, and makes multiple “conditions” that determine whether he’s going to do it or not, almost begging someone to stop him. he whispers to himself that he’s scared, that his hands are shaking, that he’s not sure if it’s the right thing to do. because despite what he says about “not caring about any of them”, the instant niki is threatened after tubbo’s death, wilbur walks up to schlatt and tells him that if he’s going to kill anyone it should be him. later, when quackity and tommy talk him down from pressing the button, he can’t press it because they’re there and he can’t bring himself to kill them as well.

but he has no problems with putting his own life at risk. he refuses to wear armor half the time, and actively places himself in harm’s way to save others. he still cares about everyone else, as much as he says he doesn’t. even when he does cause harm to others, during november 16th, he immediately begs phil to kill him. “look, they all want you to.” he can’t live with what he’s done, and how he’s hurt people, but he couldn’t allow manburg to continue.

the man is terrified and angry and he can’t win. and even as he tries to stuff himself into the mind of someone who doesn’t care, he cannot. when he finally does, he cannot live with being that person.

but the reason i rewatched this arc was to see niki’s point of view, especially after her statements during her last stream. i genuinely think that wilbur’s only betrayal of her was pressing the button, because he betrayed everyone. they might have known he was going to do it, but they had faith he wouldn’t.

wilbur cared a lot about niki. her life under schlatt was awful, wilbur hated that she was suffering, and the scene where wilbur plants himself directly in the center of the festival and tells schlatt to kill him instead hits pretty hard. he has the argument with schlatt, and then turns to niki and tells her to run. he then hits people and sprints away, trying to give her time to escape.

this is also when he asks her to join pogtopia, because now that schlatt has said he’d kill her, it’s a safer place for her.

so the man did care about her. niki is angry at the memory of him that she has. it’s been twisted by time and her own grief and paranoia.

in rewatching pogtopia, i realized that a lot of people hate the memory of wilbur. not him, and what he did. they think he didn’t care. and to quote hamilton (apologies):

“history obliteratesit paints me in all my mistakes”

does niki have a right to be mad at him? absolutely. he caused direct harm to her by blowing up l’manburg, once it was reclaimed. but she’s wrong that he never cared.

(an interesting note: wilbur only blows it up after techno starts fighting people outside. he hears it, and says “look, they’re fighting”. he didn’t re-initiate the conflict of the country. the fact that even after peace was won people were fighting just gave evidence to his belief that the entire country was corrupted.)

niki has been hurt a lot, and wilbur has things to answer for. but we as the audience know that her statements are just her perception. she is a character who acts on perceptions. the entire stream was in black and white. during doomsday, upon seeing wilbur log on (as ghostbur), niki has a panic attack and destroys her bakery, trying to rid herself of the pain of the memories. her lines during this stream are chilling, whispered repetitions that are a mirror of wilbur’s end.

(paraphrased, it was long and confusing but there are a few bits and this was the essence of it)

“wilbur is gone. this isn’t happening. he is dead. l’manburg is gone.”“it is real, i am real, he is real and he is dead.”“l’manburg is gone, i am real, i am l’manburg”.

(god. dude i could spend Months analyzing this one stream alone. there’s so much here.)

doesn’t that sound a bit like “my unfinished symphony”? wilbur and niki both attach their own self to the nation they fought for, and can see it as an extension of themself. they both destroy parts of it in acts of fear, attempting to save everyone else from what they’ve made.

what i pulled away from niki’s stream is that she’s not healing. i remember the chamber she locks herself in at night. i remember her refusal to eat. i remember how she was so angry at tommy, and she later realized that anger was misguided. niki genuinely believes that wilbur did not care about her, and that’s not surprising: when he died, she denied the fact that he was gone. she represses the things that she can’t handle, same as lots of other people. it is easier for her to pin her hurt on wilbur, because she needs somewhere to pin it. people feel more in control if they’re angry, not sad.

the song cc!niki said was for her character really emphasizes this. it’s a coping mechanism.

but even condemning wilbur won’t help, because she will still never get closure. niki cares about what others think of her, and so she can’t move on from someone hurting her. she can’t move on because she thinks he hated her. she is angry that he is back, but it is an opportunity for her to heal. she couldn’t heal when he was gone. she’s not the only one with a negative perception of wilbur, after all. he has one too. the two of them really need to talk.

i want niki to be healthy and safe. i want to see her heal so badly, and i do think it will happen. after wilbur died, his betrayal of her stayed with her, and it eventually became her memory of the betrayal that she hated, not the thing itself. it’s been months since it happened. niki wants to find an outlet for her hurt, because she wants to feel better. there’s a pattern i noticed: she only gets mad at people once she hasn’t seen the person themself for a while. and once she sees them and talks to them, and realizes that they care about her and don’t want to hurt her, she stops blaming them for it. she only hates her perception of them. example one? tommy.

man was in exile for a long time, and when he came back he “brought” fighting. that’s how niki saw it. but the fact that after she spent time with tommy (trying to kill him but. details, details) she forgave him because she saw it wasn’t his fault is a really good sign.

i genuinely think that speaking to wilbur will help niki, and it will also help wilbur. after all, they both hate wilbur. the entire perception of wilbur as some heartless, crazy manipulator needs to be shattered for both of their sakes. they both buy into it.

i want niki to know that others care about her, and that she has places she can feel safe. she hates that wilbur is invading the syndicate, because she’s scared of his memory hurting her. i don’t think wilbur will hurt her on purpose, because even though he sees himself as awful, he doesn’t hate her. he never did. usually, with people who have hurt someone else, i want them as far away from the person they hurt as possible. if wilbur does hurt niki i’ll probably cry. but again, it’s not him that hated her, or really him that hurt her in the way she thinks he did. when wilbur was dead, niki didn’t get any better. her memory of him festered and made her feel worse. that’s also why niki killing wilbur or hurting him somehow wouldn’t help her heal. i want wilbur to explain that he didn’t hate her. is wilbur even close to self aware enough to help niki? nah. this is going to take a Long time, and it’s going to hurt.

last thing i swear lol

during niki’s stream, she says that wilbur manipulated her. again, i watched pogtopia last night, and i’ve watched the rest of season one recently as well. i genuinely don’t see it. but i do think i know why she said it.

during season one, wilbur doesn’t manipulate niki. he doesn’t have a chance to later, he’s dead. so then, what is she talking about? of course it’s a perception, same as a lot of her other claims. i think she’s talking about how she cared for l’manburg.

niki joined the server as wilbur’s friend, to join his nation. she grew to care for l’manburg. she devoted herself to it, same as he did. but doomsday showed us that she hates that. in niki’s eyes, l’manburg only brought pain for people, and because she ties herself to it, she hates that she ever cared about it. she can’t allow herself to care for it, because it was used to hurt. so how does she cope with knowing that she once did? she pretends she didn’t.

if she can convince herself that it was wilbur who convinced her to care about l’manburg, she can avoid blaming herself for her own pain. and yeah, she shouldn’t blame herself for it. it’s not her fault. the entire situation is tragic and a little hopeless and once again really makes me hope that she recovers. l’manburg was ruined for her by others. schlatt, techno, dream, wilbur. again another place where she and wilbur are similar: they convince themselves they never cared about l’manburg because of the hurt it caused.

to summarize: wilbur’s going to get a shock soon. don’t know when, but probably the prison visit. something is going to shake his perception, the story is hurtling towards that. once he is able to take responsibility for what he did, and feel safe (because a lot of what he does now is out of fear of being alone or useless), then he and niki need to talk. niki needs something to get her out of her own head. she’s spiraling too. they are essential to each other’s recovery because of how much they meant (and mean) to each other.

anyways i miss early season one niki i liked it when she was happy :(

~ Lad 2

[sillyandquiteawkward]

little father and bayley fic under the cut bc i forgot my ao3 password and im lazy. hope you enjoy

Food supplements and leafy greens sat on Doctor Bayley's plate, which he picked at distastefully. The Director of the Institute, Father, sat across from him, making decent headway with his own meal.

"I don't think I can ever learn to enjoy the food supplements. This flavor isn’t palatable either," Bayley curtly complained with a heavy sigh. He felt Father's lingering judgement upon him for refusing most of his meal again, without even having to look up. He poked at the slab of supplement with the tines of his fork. Even the various flavors the Institute boasted of supplements couldn't save Bayley from the pastes, powders, and bars turning his stomach. He was trying his best to find a flavor he could stand, but to Bayley, even mirelurk was easier to eat. At least the fresh vegetables were decent, if not simply boiled or baked if cooked at all. "I'd kill for some real meat on your menu."

"Come now, Doctor, we have little need to slaughter irradiated animals for food in this day and age. BioScience has developed the perfect meal dozens of times over, consisting of the exact amount of daily nutrients a man like yourself needs," Father replies coolly. Bayley glared at the older man. Of course he'd like them -- he grew up on the damn things. Well, Bayley grew up on real food!

"Designed a food that doesn't even fill your stomach," he mumbled behind his mug as he took a sip. Now to their credit, this was something Bayley actually liked. The coffee wasn't stale 200 year old beans and grounds. My god, they perfected the damn synthetic coffee and Bayley couldn't imagine going back.

Father confidently smirked, passing smoothly over Bayley's remark with a gentle shake of his head. "You poor surface dwellers, eating any and all the food you can scrounge to stave off hunger. I'm glad we were able to save you from that life. Give it time, Doctor. Your stomach will re-adjust to your new diet."

Bayley scoffed dismissively and set his fork down to keep nursing his coffee. Father took his own sip of tea. The pair fell into a dip of silence, accompanied by the gentle clink of silverware against plate as Father continued to finish off his lunch. Behind them a few tables over, there was a slight chatter from another pair of scientists in the cafeteria. Licking a crumb of food supplement left on the edge of his mug with a grimace, Bayley listened to their distant hushed conversation. Sounded like gossip about another scientist’s love affair... Hard to believe that even the “perfect” Institute could be filled with, what was ultimately, humans.

Father spoke up after a minute of Bayley straining to eavesdrop, "Why don't you tell me about yourself, Doctor?"

"...Why?" Bayley eyed Father suspiciously. "Don't you already know all about me? Isn't that why I'm here?"

Father took a warm sip of his mug before continuing. "I know about your reputation, or lack thereof." Bayley all but growled at the dig. "And I know you care deeply for the progress of humanity, as do I, albeit a tad misguided. You’re a highly intelligent man, Doctor, but I'm afraid I don't know about you, personally. I'd like to remedy that."

What could Bayley tell Father about? Why should he? Oh, but he loved to talk about himself... Bayley leaned back in his chair with folded hands in his lap, food left forgotten on his plate. "What is there to say? I'm a man married to his work, who likes breathing fresh air. On the surface."

“What got you into studying radiation?” Bayley noticed Father missed his complaint, or at least was ignoring it. “Surely you didn’t set out from the start on such a dangerous fascination.” Father had a look of curiosity on his face that seemed genuine to Bayley, although he still had suspicions this had ulterior motives.

“It was almost from the beginning actually. As I studied medicine in my youth, traveling along the Wasteland, I have to admit,” Bayley paused to consider his wording. “I had a distinct admiration of the ghoul’s ability to utilize radiation to build themself anew. The destructive power of radiation makes using it dangerous and even deadly, true, but I imagined a world where we could manipulate the human body to replicate how a ghoul’s body uses the gamma particles destructive properties to heal themselves, sans the ghoulification process of course.” Okay, so maybe he planned to be cagey, but Father just had to ask him about the thing he’s devoted his entire life to. Sorry, he’s gonna get excited. “I’d seen first hand ghouls reattach long lost limbs to themselves and remain functional, ferals even being brought back to life by glowing ones’ radiation bursts, and the stories of people growing functional limbs from radiation exposure caught my particular attention at a young age.”

“Fascinating things ghouls are, although their rotten brains and appearance are less than desirable. If anything their longevity is what catches my attention. Living over hundreds of years...” Father drifts off, looking past Bayley. “Imagine what one could achieve with that extra time.”

“Living forever doesn’t matter if you aren’t healthy,” Bayley corrected. “What’s the point of living if you are just suffering every day. I’m focusing myself to helping people in this day and age, instead of chasing functional immortality.”

“Maybe that’s the difference between us,” Father sighs. “Everything I do is for tomorrow, and tomorrow’s tomorrow. Humanity's future lies in our successor’s hands. It’s a shame we cannot directly work with our future generations to combine our knowledge. All we can do is help prepare them for when we are gone.”

“Eventually people in charge need to step down and let the fresh ideas in, otherwise we’ll collectively stagnate. We are stubborn creatures who hate change, snuffing out ideas that contradict our own. If someone like you lived forever, he’d never give up the reins.”

“I suppose you’d do the same,” Father states blandly, eyes half-lidded. “As you said, we are stubborn creatures.”

Bayley sputters, sitting back up in his chair. “No, I am the innovator in this scenario! I’ve been ostracized for my ideas, kicked out and shunned. No one sees my potential to change the world!”

“And in your age, have you begun to prepare an heir to your scientific knowledge, Doctor? Or do you think you can finish this chronicle yourself, with the few years left in your life?”

“I-I have to prove myself first! No one trusts my work because they don’t see the proof -- which I was working on when you so kindly stole me away from my clinic and subjects!” Bayley hissed, gripping the edge of the table.

Unphased, Father folded his hands on the table. “I trust your work, Doctor Bayley. I’ve seen your studies, seen what you can do when you are truly devoted to a cause. This is why I wanted you with us at the Institute. I want you to share your knowledge to us, so that we may pass it to the future with us. Let us help you ensure your legacy. We have the same goals, and we even have similar methods if you can believe it. Imagine what we can do together when we combine our knowledge, for humanity’s sake.”

Bayley raised an eyebrow at that. “Similar goals perhaps, but I wont be a part of the kidnapping and killing of Commonwealth citizens. You Institute folk are outrageously barbaric for all your self-righteousness.”

“We simply know how to weigh the importance of breaking a few eggs for the omelette. You too understand this principle closely, don’t you?”

Bayley grimaced flatly. “You truly know how to charm a man to your side.” This conversation was over if Bayley had anything to say about it, which he did. He gulped from his mug, keeping it up to his mouth as he turned physically away from Father. He’ll finish this and go back to his room. Trapped in the Institute with these madmen, forced to go along with things else suffer the same fate as the hundreds of others taken to the Institute. And Father had the gall to act like they were the same, that Bayley could excuse innocents murdered for “science.” He slammed the mug back onto the table.

“I hope you’ll understand one day soon, Doctor. I really do.” Father sighed, closing his eyes in defeat as Bayley stood up.

“I don’t want to understand,” Bayley said as he stormed past Father back to the concourse.

It was too much to think about, if Bayley was being honest with himself. He grit his teeth climbing the stairs, tense. A scientist descending the stairs stood to the side as Bayley passed, clearly wanting to give the angry man some space and avoid any conflict. Good. If he was to stay here, people should give way for him. Now if only Father was like that. He passed a pair of expressionless generation two synth guards eyeing their laser weapons as he ascended the next flight.

God, he was annoyed. Of course Father had to go ruin another meal together talking nonsense of Bayley hurting others. He tried his best not to hurt his subjects -- everyone was willing and importantly, no one had died under his care! Sick perhaps in the early days... but it wasn’t death! Bayley couldn’t stand the idea his great idea could possibly kill others when it was supposed to be helping them. If he was ever responsible for someone’s death...

Bayley slid open the automatic door to his small, barren room. It was just a simple bed and desk, which was plenty for Bayley, but he wished he had his trinkets and such if he was going to be living here until the day he dies. He collapsed onto the stiff bed, face pressing against the cool pillow. He missed his couch. He missed his clinic. Bayley even considered he missed being annoyed by Jonathan and Jay’s antics. Jay would try his best to cheer him out of this spiraling train of thought, and Jon would know plenty of things to distract him with.

If he was ever responsible for their deaths, Bayley considered he’d quit on the spot. He’d probably become deeply depressed until he really did just curl up and die, however fast it came after. All his life’s work to save humanity, and he’d killed the only people who trusted him most to do so.

But the truly terrible part of him hidden away deep in his heart wondered that if someone was to die as a result of his work, perhaps even if he wasn’t working willingly with the Institute, that he'd simply wouldn’t care.

[cartoonyappreciation]

Okay so I’ve seen all the aus of Izuku with a ghost quirk... but let’s combine it with a villaindeku! Au and hopefully some dadzawa and a bit of dad might.

Trigger warning for mental disorders and near death experiences, abandonment, depression, manipulation... umm i think that’s it but lmk if I should add more bc the last thing I’d wanna do is trigger someone.

————————————-

Izuku develops his quirk shortly after his father leaves, when he and his mother get caught up in a villain attack.

Let’s say it was at their apartment complex and the building is collapsing and izuku get hit in the head bc I’m lazy and have very little creativity.

Causes a near death experience and when he wakes up, he can see ghosts.

When he tries to tell people, they write it off as trauma and eventually schizophrenia.

Of course, none of the “treatments” work bc it’s actually a quirk and ghosts are real.

As he gets older, he begins to accept his quirk more, but he also decides to hide it and pretend to be quirkless instead. Whether this is the result of some #goodparentmidoriyainko or #badparentmidoriyainko is up to y’all, depends on how much you wanna punish izuku (izuku my child, I am so sorry)

He starts hanging out on “the streets” more, doing little things to help restless spirits move on. He, of course, experiences lots of quirkless discrimination bc I’m an asshole. And plot.

Like in some of the other ghostquirk aus, his quirk makes him more susceptible to being attacked by ghosts, both physically and mentally in the forms of possession and hauntings. Ya know, like if a ghost or demon is haunting someone, they can affect their moods, thoughts, stuff like that.

It also, however, allows him to make ghosts around him more powerful, increasing their powers. He discovers this, of course, one night when he is attacked in an ally while trying to help out some poor sap of a spirit. He, being scared, activates whatever that park of his quirk is and the ghost helps him scare off/incapacitate/escape the villain.

This definitely leads to some child vigilanteism.... and if he saves shota aizawa’s life a few times to get on his radar... its not bc im soft for dadzawa. Its setting up further plot.

And then... during AFO and All Mights first fight..... AFO actually dies.

AFO, being a centuries-old asshole, would definitely not just cross-over. Of course, even tho I would love for the other ghosts to devour his soul, that doesn’t happen. I dunno if they just weren’t around or couldn’t interact, maybe he’s a powerful spirit for some reason, maybe he’s actually a demon, I haven’t decided.

He finds out through the grapevine about this kid and decided to do what he does best, be a manipulative, grooming asshole.

So he finds Izuku, already with low self esteem and upset with the system, and yes Izuku still wants to be a hero, he wants to fix the system. If supportivemidoriyainko exists in this universe, maybe she has helped him reach the conclusion that he could be an underground hero, or at least specialize in information gathering for heros. Even tho I love bamfizuki and waytoosmartforhisowngoodizuku, my brain won’t accept that a like 8-10year old would come to that realization without help.

Anyway, AFO starts haunting izuku, little whispers and shit, trying to convince him that the only way society can be fixed is to be broken, and basically just spewing hate and anger like the slippery fucking eel he is to this already tired and jaded child.

AFO, having stuck around him for a few years, is able to tighten his hold, bordering on possession.. and this is where stuff gets even more shitty for our dear protagonist

Either other ghost villains catch wind of what is happening, or AFO eventually convices izuku to go kill some villains, but he eventually ends up surrounded by all these evil ass spirits, affecting him and shit. He loses control and joins up with the league(maybe?) at afos insistence.

In my idea of ghosts, there would probably be a lot more ghosts of villains and vigilantes than heros, so even tho some ghost heros want to help izuku, by the time they know what’s going on, he’s already surrounded by a wholeass army lf ghostvillains so they can’t get close enough to reach him.

Shit happens, maybe following along with events from cannon. At one point there is a confrontation that I completely imagine happening to Halsey’s “Control” (i can picture the scene, even if I cant fucking draw) where izuku’s there, facing off against the heros and hero students and when he activates his quirk, hundreds... okay maybe I’m making this too op, too dramatic.... like 50 ghost villains appear, with AFO right there with his hand on deku’s shoulder. Maybe an adapted version of usj. In that case, ghostvillains, or at least afo wouldnt be revealed until toshinori arrived. Eraserhead, of course, recognizes him and is trying to understand wtf happened to him until detective tsu-whatever truth detector and all might explain who afo was.

This isn’t detective slander i just am genuinely too lazy to look up how to spell.

Thing is tho.... the OFA ghosts are there too, surrounding all might or whoever he makes his successor. They don’t appear to everyone else bc of course izuku wouldn’t power them, but they are trying to figure out wtaf is going on. They’ve been so connected to the host of ofa that they hadn’t really noticed the other shit going down in the ghost realm, but they sure as hell do now. They fight off against some of the villains, but in the end, can’t make it to him at this encounter.

Then we have another encounter, this one def follows “achilles come down” by Gang of Youths. Throughout whatever battle this is, you get various ofa holders, plus toshinori, aizawa, and some of the other neutral or good ghosts he’s helped and knew in the past to remember himself, gain back control from afo and some of the other villains.

Bc this is as far as my brain has gone, I imagine the hero’s get through to him, he uses his built up power to forcibly remove afo’s influence... i dunno if this happens by him like... forcing him to cross, outright destroying him, or just by taking his power and making him a weak spirit for the others to finally devour or something. The rest of the afo spirits can finally rest and izuku can start becoming a hero again.

[ectonurites]

for the character headcannons ask game, jason and cass?

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT im putting this one under a cut because it got SUPER long bc i cant shut up ever

lets start w jason

A (realistic headcanon): 

ok using the ‘realistic’ category here loosely but GOD i love the idea of Damian & Jason having interacted while Jason was staying with the League before getting dunked in the Lazarus Pit. like. this obviously would need to be set more in preboot and following the Lost Days & Batman Annual 25 version of Jason’s resurrection, but god the idea of it just makes me scream in a good way. Like... these are things Jason likely doesn’t remember very clearly once he’s brought back to life more fully by the pit because he was uh pretty catatonic, but Damian being a little kid and knowing about the boy that his mother keeps around the base, that she’s trying to help bring back to health. Damian not even knowing that’s his big brother, just that he’s a presence that shares his mother’s attention. Jason again being unresponsive but like, ok god you know that part of lost days where Talia shows the others observing him that he only fights back at those he perceives as genuine threats trying to hurt him, 

Because Jason can perceive that she’s safe, she’s not actually trying to hurt him, he trusts her because she saved him? thinking about lil child Damian who is ya know already being trained in fighting stuff and like the idea of him trying to provoke Jason just to see what happens but Jason not fighting back because on some level be it his connection to Talia or even little baby Damian visually reminding him of Bruce, he knows that Damian is safe too 🥺 

and then when Jason and Damian meet again in Gotham as Red Hood & Robin respectively, Jason not really remembering because there was so much going on back then for him, but Damian realizing that oh... that was Him

B (hilarious): 

alright so if we are looking at comics currently, in modern stuff jason is what, like 22? hes old enough to drink in the US but still definitely early 20s so around my around my age, thats what im using as a basis here. if we adjust timeline and still consider his death having happened when he was 15, that puts it around 2013. and then coming back to like interacting with people about three years later if we still kinda base things off of the preboot timeframe (since we never got a super solid retelling of the timeline of death -> resurrection -> training -> tries to get revenge aside from knowing he went to the all-caste instead of the lost days version of the story) making him reenter the regular world and stuff around age 18 in 2016. meaning a solid three years of pop culture that he was entirely missing, and like im sorry but he really doesn’t strike me as the type to bother looking into what he missed, he’s kinda busy focusing on other stuff. lets take a quick look at some major things from those years. 2013 gave us ‘what does the fox say’ and ‘the harlem shake’ . 2014 had that time U2 just put a fuckin album on everyone’s phones, The Fault In Our Stars movie came out. 2015 introduced the phrase ‘Netflix and Chill’ and the whole blue & black vs gold & white dress debate happened. imagine any of the other batkids (or even arguably roy during rhato stuff) bringing these things up and jason’s ensuing confusion. thank you for your time

C (heart-crushing): 

so. there are two specific instances from rebirth era Jason i want to bring up here and much like a lot of these it’s less a headcanon and more of an inference based on observations, but i wanna take a sec to discuss Jason’s relationship with other people’s death. early in rebirth, Tim ‘dies’ from that whole thing in detective comics. he didn’t actually die, we as readers know, but in-universe they all very much so thought he was dead. frustratingly a lot of the batfam wasn’t really shown mourning him aside from in the Detective Comics Rebirth title itself (which just. when a major character dies even if its temporary- that should have a ripple effect) BUT an exception to that is in RHATO 2016, where we get this offhanded comment in Jason’s internal monologuing

similarly later when Roy, who like, had an incredibly close relationship w Jason that had just gotten mended before Heroes in Crisis, gets fuckin murdered in that whole thing... Jason doesn’t go to his funeral either. He leaves a dramatic voice mail and then visits the grave on his own later, choosing to instead keep working on the mission they’d started rather than going and taking the time to mourn properly.

Jason’s relationship with death is incredibly complicated, obviously. He has died, he has come back, and he now is willing to cross the line most other bats won’t and will kill people when he deems it necessary. I think thats something important though- he doesn’t just like... go around killing for fun (usually, some writers preboot made him a little murder happy but even then usually this still was vaguely followed) he kills people he thinks deserved it. Like, even looking back at the mess of Morrison’s Jason during Batman & Robin 2009, Jason was still trying to bring a sense of justice with who he was killing (”punishment that fits the crime”), it wasn’t killing for the sake of killing. He sees things in this kind of almost black and white ‘people who deserve it’ and ‘people who don’t’ way, and he has no problem dealing with death when it’s with the people he thinks deserve it. 

but when someone who doesn’t in his mind ‘deserve it’ gets killed? i think he just goes into total avoidance mode. throws himself into other things he’s doing, tries not to dwell on it too much no matter how much he still thinks about it (this is especially evident in him consistently telling people “i’m fine!” after what happened to Roy, despite bringing Roy up literally like every few issues for a WHILE after he died and very clearly still struggling with it, Artemis is the only one who gets through to him on it a little bit) 

but yeah, I just think that from Jason’s relatively unique situation of having been murdered, he knows what it’s like and he is perfectly fine wishing that on people he thinks are bad and deserve it, but it crushes him to imagine the people he loves and cares about having to experience something as painful as what he went through. not to mention the whole “I came back, why do I get a second chance at all this when they, who are a much better person than I am, probably won’t” mindset we get some implications of him having 

D (canon is a coward and won’t) 

hello DC i am once again insisting a batfam member is bisexual

CASS TIME

A (realistic headcanon): 

ok so we know cass likes ballet. thats canon. however i think we also should in general explore cass experiencing other types of dance/performance as well, be it herself as a performer or even just watching. like... god imagine her & like my brain just automatically for group activities puts her with tim steph and duke but also for this in particular I feel would be a Jason embraced activity, but like them going to see a broadway show or some other professional theatre or something, and her just being enthralled by the reading of body language of the performers! like again by any point in current stuff cass does have like, the ability to speak fine (reading still hard tho) but even so I think like. okay im a theatre kid if that’s not obvious from the Everything About Me but one thing I always do after seeing a show is ya know spend dinner afterwards discussing it with whoever i saw it with.

I just think that like, bringing those people i just mentioned to the table to discuss seeing a show after would be so FASCINATING because cass would bring this whole perspective of critiquing their acting on a whole different level- not based on how well they delivered lines out loud, but by what their body language was saying as they moved on stage. like im very amused by the idea of cass getting a totally different picture in her mind about what a character’s motivations were because she was paying way more attention to what their physicality was saying vs the words that were written and how they were delivered. i think the debates her and the others would have would be EPIC there. jason defending the text as it was written adamantly and cass being like ‘ok yeah sure but thats not what they did’

B (hilarious): 

cass having no concept of money because why would she bother? is SO funny to me. like it’s not that she couldn’t be reasonable if she wanted to, but like, she knows that the Waynes are well off so it’s not something she actually needs to be concerned about, so she just goes hog wild. takes steph out to fancy dinners and makes steph order for them since cass ya know doesn’t really read the menus, and steph’s like ‘jesus christ this costs-” “don’t worry about it” “but cass-” and she just holds up one of bruce’s credit cards and steph’s still like “but you don’t even know the range-” “it is fine”

bruce does not have the heart to tell her to stop

C (heart-crushing): 

i mean this is pretty much canon but especially now after death metal where she’s remembering, not just being told by a guy using weird alternate timeline technology, that she used to be an adopted member of the Wayne family... like that hurts so bad. To look at these people who have ya know been kind to her, Bruce has still been a father-like figure to her (i mean literally from the moment they met in New 52 canon during the flashback in Batman & Robin Eternal, where he’s telling her that she’s not a monster just because of what people forced her to do.... that she’s a hero... that hug.... dad behavior), and they do to some extent treat her as family... But to then really know, to feel and remember that she was actually adopted! She was a part of their family. To look at how she’s been calling herself Orphan while working with them this whole time... that’s so heartbreaking! I have cried about this idea so much! I want so badly a conversation between her and Bruce now where he offers to officially adopt her again, I need it so bad and if it doesn’t happen at some point in the next year or two I will be so distraught.

D (canon is a coward and won’t) 

i want an in-depth exploration of cass’ relationship to her own gender. being raised without language and you know with so much of her life being independent (remember: CASS RAN AWAY AROUND THE WORLD WITHOUT REALLY KNOWING ANY SPOKEN LANGUAGE) and outside of an organized society impressing too much of gender expectations on her, i feel like the way she experiences it would be very unique! like sure she’s so far been fine with being assigned ‘girl’ (ya know that comes with batgirl, and how people just automatically treated her based on how she looks) but in terms of gender expression and like her actual relationship with ‘traditional femininity’ etc like... because of how she was raised I just think she’d have a really different perspective on it that could be cool to explore, and I think she’d fall outside of the binary after she really thinks about how she identifies.

tldr on that: she/they nb cass is what i’m getting at here

[lovenona]

LONG ask ahead, sorry T^T

*arrives in a hurry after 2-3 days* *slow, appreciative clap at the ted talk* sweetie, have you got any idea how much i adore hearing you ramble about the creation process??? seeing the whole love and dedication you hold for the odyssey makes my day! (and nooo, i'm totally not reading it again bc i want to have all of it in mind for tomorrow and bc it inspires me to no end hahaha what do you mean :) )

here comes yet another question: what kind of powers do you possess to write so beautifully. your writing literally punches me in the gut every single time, even the simplest of things!! it's hauntingly beautiful and i'm living for it!

(and another one) how did you find out how the odyssey was going to end?

also, it's rambling time because i've been thinking. (i do that sometimes.) each chapter title is a reference to a greek myth, and, in particular, odysseus' myth (no clue if i've written his name right, i've always knew him as "ulysse" in my mother tongue ^^;). and so my brain went: oooh nice, greek lore ^^ and then: yo wait. hold up. which brings me here: analysing the chapter titles. (bear with me please, and feel free to ignore my enthusiastic rambling/correct me if i'm wrong which i probs will)

so first, we have the prelude. david and calypso. while i'm sure david has his importance it's almost 1 am as i'm typing this so i'm going to focus on calypso. poor nymph is stuck in an island because of the will of gods for a reason i've forgotten. but here's the catch: while she cannot leave, others can come to her (good ol' odysseus for instance) until they leave her all alone again. and the cycle unfolds again and again. which brings us to a nice parallel with reader's situation at the beginnig. she, after all, is stuck on an island with no way out but stories. comes the dilf supreme toji aka an odysseus of sorts, until he leaves her. so she's alone again. calypso there illustrates a passive state of sorts. she cannot leave, or so she thinks: while she wants to, we don't see her try per se until sukuna comes in.

ah yes. sukuna’s arrival. chapter title: neptune’s hands. Neptune, god of the seas, all powerful, also known as Poseidon absolutely terrifying if provoked — which is something Odysseus did! well, man is smart enough not to do it to his face. but he did stab a cyclope, which happened to be neptune’s son. son who swore to a haughty Odysseus that he’d pay for it. in consequence: instead of going back to Ithaca without that much of trouble, Neptune goes: nope mate, and promptly sabotage his return (with a storm who leads his ship astray if my memory is correct). Neptune serves as a catalyst in here, to properly start the action. and it so happens to be sukuna’s role! he is, as well, the one who starts reader’s journey — well, odyssey in this case ;) — by making her this offer. plus, if we consider reader as being calypso, a nymph, and sukuna as being Neptune, a god, it shows their difference in power. sukuna is a fearsome curse, captain whose name is enough to strike fear in the cruellest pirate, who can and will kill reader should he get bored of her. reader is but a printer’s apprentice, so weak compared to him it hurts.

ah, yes. the narcissus pool aka siren gojo, aka me simping so hard for this man I might squirt with the mere mention of him. yes, siren gojo is that powerful, feel free to lure me in with them baby blues sweetie *blows him a kiss* hem. anyway. long story short, an oracle said: if narcissus sees his reflection, he’ll die. people prevent him from seeing himself. ofc man is so handsome it hurts and has women and men alike running after him, including a nymph named echo. he rejects her. hera is somehow involved in the mess and makes it so that he stumbles upon a river and sees himself. entranced by his beauty, he desperately tries to reach himself and stays near the river until he dies. this one is a bit trickier (especially considering I’m writing this as I go with no coherent preparation whatsoever but damn if I’m not having fun). but. *proceeds to read it again* *sighs in ‘why the hell ain’t siren!gojo real pls sir take me’* anyway. it’s never mentioned in narcissus’ myth, but I’m pretty sure he was tempted to look at himself. at least once, considering he could wonder why on earth all those people kept falling for his looks. (or he could be pretty dumb. let’s say he isn’t) so he’s tempted by his own reflection. just like reader’s tempted to follow segsy siren gojo. he doesn’t up until hera is involved and ends up seeing his reflection. he falls. not literally, but in love — with his own self. here it’s different (and the reason why i’m strugglingTM to gather coherent thoughts). gojo is the very embodiment of this temptation — so he acts as narcissus’ reflection here. he’s the one seducing reader, the one luring her until she falls in the waters, just like narcissus did. she didn’t die though, unlike him. (thank you sukuna. I guess. yes I would’ve given my life for gojo to consume me in both ways and??) now, this is very simp-tainted (sorry bout that ^^;) and the thing I’ve noticed is this: narcissus isn’t a character in the og odyssey. could it be bc to my absolute despair, gojo’s not as much of an important character as sukuna and toji? only you know!

(the hades, psyche analysis comes in tomorrow *looks @ time* *sees it's 1 AM* well, later on! have a lovely night/day!)

- the LRE (who's very happy tumblr allowed her to do paragraph breaks/to have a pirate history book recommandation! thanks about that one btw, it'll come in handy for a ff of mine (yeah it involves pirate gojo))

wait this is so precious n thoughtful oh my gosh 😭 thoughts n vibes under the cut :’) 

first of all THANK U!!!??? ur making me blush out here omg my hEART 😭 

as for ur first question, ur SO SWEET n IM LOSING IT bye i genuinely don’t know i just scream and throw a bunch of commas and metaphors everywhere and somehow things happen 💀 i read a lot (english major vibes) and it’s very helpful because i tend to imitate writers/phrases/books that inspire me while i'm figuring out how i want to write !! 

secondly: how did i figure out the ending of the odyssey??

answer: i think i just stumbled across this one 😭 i was brainstorming w my bestie (@/suedebunn) n she originally suggested a different version of the ending that i was like “oh wait” and then i played with it for awhile until i arrived at the version i have now ! i want to tell u more about how i arrived from point A to point B and what the process was but i will withhold because i am not giving anything away >:)

onto ur TITLE ANALYSIS!! this is SPECTACULAR! ur pretty much on the nose for all of them god damn i don’t have much to add :’) i’ll give u some of my takes tho!!

david and calypso – ur absolutely on the nose for the calypso aspect; david’s just a passing nod to the pirates of the caribbean portrayal of davy jones and the doomed relationship between him and calypso (mirroring the doomed relationship between toji and reader since he leaves them) 

neptune’s hands – yes! yeah! sexy! pirate sukuna is being compared to a sea god!! also a minor teaser but sukuna’s hands are important symbolically ;-) 

narcissus pool – ur brain is so big here god damn 🤲 narcissus is more of a loose reference to the idea of pride/ temptation and also hollowness/mirages (the emptiness of a reflection versus the tangibility of the real thing) so it’s not immediately a reference to the odyssey itself or even the myth (i'm taking creative liberties bye homer) but probably the best entity to use when describing gojo – the dichotomy between pride/emptiness is a lot more apparent in part 5 

gosh thank u sm for this!! excited to see what u have next!!!!!!

[qweeby]

Nine Lives To Short Part 1:First Life of Many

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡💔

Pairing Hitoshi Shinsou x Reader!

Genre: Angst

Tag: @foxypuppy

Plot: You only have 9 days to tell him how you feel....but maybe 9 days just isn't enough

The bus finally pulls up breaking the tension between you and Hitoshi you let out a sigh of relief as the doors to the bus opens.

You both step onto the bus and try to find a seat, Hitoshi nudges your arm gentle "Hey you wanna sit in the back?"

You don't respond to him....I mean how could you with that stupid question you asked him still looming over you like a vengefulspirit. "Maybe I should've stayed quiet" "Did I say to much?" "H-how much did I say?!" .

Your mind begins to think of the worst possible scenarios but then you snap out of it as you feel something warm cover your hand.

It's Hitoshi's holding your hand as he takes you to the open two seater in the back.

Y/n suddenly feels her face heat up as her cheeks blush red this feeling is something that can happen only once in a life time so....you enjoy this short tiny bit of contact like it was your last.

Shinsou hold out his hand giving you access to the seat next to the window "Here you go I know you like sitting next to the window so-" he stares at you and notices your blush and can't help but to do the same.

Seeing you look up at him with genuine happiness makes his chest feel warm and his throat tighten.

"Thanks Hitoshi...". Y/n sits down and scoots over to the window while Shinsou sits down next to you.

Shinsou takes out his headphones once again and puts them on resuming his paused music however before he puts his phone away he receives a text from Izuku Midoriya.

" Hm? What does Midoriya want?"

The Promblem Child🥦

Izuku: Hey Toshiiii~😜

Shinsou: ......kaminari why the fuck do you have Izuku's phone......

Izuku: MY PHONE DIED🥀😪 so I swiped Midoriya's phone while him and Bakugo are arguing in the living cuz bakugo sucks a uno and his sweaty hands are fucking up the cards but they not important rn

Shinsou: ok so what do you want with me

Izuku: Me and and guys are gonna go bowling tomorrow and we wanted to see if you wanted to come 🥺

Shinsou: I don't know I'm kinda busy after school🤷‍♂️sooooo....

Izuku: COME ON YOU GOTTA GO YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN SHUTDOWN BAKUGO'S YELLING

Shinsou: Sounds like I'm baby sitting 😑

Izuku: YOU WON'T BE! YOU CAN BRING Y/N IF YOU WANT SO YOU WON'T BE COMPLETELY ALONE PLEASE ANAJHSHSHAJJS

Shinsou: Ok! Ok I'll go but I'll have to ask y/n about what she thinks

Izuku: I KNEW YOU WOULD COME AROUND TOSHI!

Shinsou: Dumbass go put your phone in your mouth you doofus🥱😴

Izuku: I-

Shinsou turns off his and focuses his attention towards you as your head is resting on his shoulder. Shinsou tries his hardest not to ruin the moment so he obviously he stupidly asks " Y-you wanna...hold hands again? I'm getting cold over here".

You normally brush off Hitoshi's stupid flirting because he sucks at it but hearing that he wants your warmth....he need your warmth...Hitoshi needs you.

You and Hitoshi locks hands together both completely quiet but internally freaking out.

Shinsou's brain starts going into overload as he starts think about every romantic movie and think about how they would fuck up a situation like this "Oh no she's really close shit! SHIT DOES MY BREATH STINK?! I DON'T KNOW! BUT I DON'T WANT HER TO FIND OUT,DAMMIT HOLD YOUR BREATH!" Shinsou does just that but you see him oddly do this.

Then you start thinking,"He's holding his breath? Why...did he sniff me...DO I STINK OH GOD I HOPE I DON'T IM SORRY HITOSHI!!!".

The bus hits a speed bump to causing all the seats to jump and it cause the two dummy's to bump heads.

"OW! DAMMIT! Hey are you ok?" You both say in unison then there is a short pause before the both of you burst out laughing.

"We're both so stupid haha!".

"Nah were not stupid great minds think alike " Hitoshi snickers.

You lean in closer to Shinsou as you poke the bump he got on his forehead from crashing into you " OW! HEY!" "That's what you get".

Sometime passes and the bus finally reaches the home bus stop in front of your house. Hitoshi and you get off watching it leave. "Hey Y/n are you busy tomorrow?"

"Umm no actually I'm free why you wanna hang out?"

Hitoshi beams as he scratches the back of his head just then a creepy smile form's on his face " Oh that great! Denki invited me to go out bowling and I wanted to bring what bakugo would call an extra"

You playful punch Hitoshi in the arm " Hey! Don't call me an extra! Ohhhh I swear I'll go feral on Katskui!"

"Oh I know you will... you always do but before you go in I wanna ask are you really ok...?"

Once again you ignore his question he notices and sighs "Y/n i won't use my quirk to make you talk....i promise ...".

Y/n stops smiling as she turns her back on Shinsou walking to the door.

"H-hey did you hear me y/n come on talk to me what wrong?", " I'm really glad I got to meet you Hitoshi Shinso.....You're such an amazing guy and... I just-."

And with that the tears began to fall down your face you look back at Hitoshi to see he's completely shaken up bye your sudden rush of sadness.

" Everything you've done for me there no way words can describe how happy I've been being friends with you and how much you left a impact on me"

Shinsou stops her " what up with all this crazy talk y/n? why are you acting like one you walk through that door I won't see you again?"

You think it would be better then wasting away until you day in 9 days then maybe your heart wouldn't be hurting so much like it is now, hell this pain feels like it's hurts more than the pain the quirk will bring.

Hitoshi brings you into his arm embracing your body in hug. "I promise you that we will be together always and besides-...."

"We got all the time in the world"

Hearing that one line....it finally sinks in that y/n is gonna die...so she does the only thing she can.

You clench Hitoshi uniform as you bury your head in his shoulder and began to breakdown in Shinsou arms. "Y/n?! Hey hey don't cry it'll be ok"

You scream and beg Hitoshi not to leave " You can't leave please don't! I don't wanna lose you Shisou!". "Woah woah lose me? Y-you're not gonna lose me...let's go to my house and clean you up I don't want you parents to see you like this".

Hitoshi takes you to his house right across the street. He quickly opens the door and sits you on the couch "I'll be right back just stay here ok", you nod and Shinsou leaves.

"I don't wanna bring Hitoshi into this and get him all worked up because of me he does so much for me as it is...you know what I mean right?" Shinsou's just meows back at you.

"Of course you get it Kabuki...Hitoshi is always taking care of both of us" you say while petting Kabuki. "I guess liking Shinsou isn't the only thing we have in common huh...".

A few minutes go by and Hitoshi is sitting on the couch wiping your face "Hitoshi come on I know how to whip my own face!". " If you stop moving MAYBE me can get this done quicker!".

Shinsou sighs and lays back on the couch "There now you're all clean up, you're welcome". You lay ontop of Shinsou patting his chest "Looks like the day is saved thanks to pro hero Mind Freak~". He pushes your face smushing it with is hand.

" Ew I told you I'm not calling myself myself mind freak!"

" IT'S COOL!"

" IT'S SCARY! IM TO TRYING HELP PEOPLE NOT TO SCARE THEM OFF" "We'll I'm here and I'm not scared of out you!".

Hitoshi softly puts his hand on your cheek "what I said out there wasn't a lie, Y/N I'm here if you need me...every step of the way...."

You hold Hitoshi hand as your hearing starts to diminish and your body begins to fell light that you begin to wobble and sway back and forth.

"Yeah.....we got all the time in the world...."

Y/n suddenly fall sideways onto the floor lying there motions while Hitoshi eyes widen as he screams " Y/N!!!!"

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡💔 As the the first day has come to an end so has 1 of the many lives. And so far Y/n has lost her first life.....🥀

[professorspork]

i know I always say this, but, last night REALLY WAS the BUSIEST OF DAYS in the Reaper War

before I get into yesterday’s gameplay, I realized I forgot to react to the fact that Jacob got Brynn pregnant, which -- again, I suppose that wraps up everything about his backstory in a nice little bow, lad of the bad dad gets to be good dad, but like... it still gives like they gave his character incredibly short shrift. so. humbug to that.

but I have bigger fish to fry (ha ha, literally, see what I did there?) because ALL OF THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE, AND ALL OF THIS WILL HAPPEN AGAIN. I rescued Ann Bryson, and learned that -- shocker -- she had a bad relationship with her dad. I uh may have condoned her getting a bit of a nasty nose bleed in order to track the Leviathan to Despoina, where as ever I got to read a bunch of people’s weirdly specific sad diaries. my jump into the depths was very cool and scary (does no one get the bends in the future???) and I enjoyed my The First-style body swapping conversation with the Leviathan in which I tried to prove I’m ~special and this time is ~different. on the one hand, I don’t know why I expected the origin of the Reapers to be anything other than yet another story of AI gone wrong, but this whole cinematic parallels thing is starting to edge out of “everything matches up and is of a piece” territory and into the murkier waters of “we kind of only had one idea, actually.” to reveal that the Reapers’ plan is just stray AI code to ‘preserve life’ is at once very chilling and a bit of a let down; when I think back to when I talked to Sovereign for the first time and I had my initial “GOD IS A MACHINE THAT WANTS TO KILL US” freak out, I was in fact very on board for an evil plan too broad and complex for a human mind to fathom. for it to be this feels kind of predictable and pedestrian.

that said, watching the Leviathan take down a huge-ass Reaper capital ship with its pulse signal was very satisfying.

oh no this is going to get very long, now that you’ve had this fun teaser i’m gonna put the rest under a cut

then we kicked it on over to Thessia and I highkey traumatized my girlfriend. I feel like I should have seen the reveal that the asari were more advanced because they were hoarding prothean tech coming, but I didn’t. hearing and seeing all the asari commandos helping me get wiped out was a real gut punch, but didn’t hold a candle to my frustration at the confrontation with Kai Leng. I’m not mad that the game wouldn’t let me beat him, per se (though I still think it’s ridiculous that I’ve taken down a Reaper by myself and I’m supposed to be afraid of a dude with a knife), but I am pissed that it all happened with combat cut scene magic. this game has given me difficult combat before! if, in fighting Kai Leng, I’d genuinely felt outmatched, I think I would have tolerated it better -- or if the combat had been me fighting the Harvesters and then Kai Leng sneaked around me because that’s what he does, he sneaks. but to have such a relatively easy combat sequence with him that felt very much like winning just to have it snatched away from me... maddening. WHY CAN’T I BEAT THIS ONE GUY AND HIS KNIFE? I don’t want to be all “Kai Leng is a Mary Sue” but like... he got to murder Thane and then beat me in overtime, and his entire vibe is I exist to sell action figures even though that’s not, as far as I know, any part of Mass Effect’s profit model. so it’s just frustrating. and for them to then rub salt in the wound and have him EMAIL ME to be like “lol snowflake r u triggered” was just. MY PATIENCE IS THIN, ME3. DON’T PUSH ME.

seeing Shepard have to admit to failure was a gutting scene, though, and a necessary one. and watching Liara fight with Javik was highkey satisfying, too. 

so anyway, because i was BIG MAD at Cerberus I tracked them first to that one N7 communications mission-- 

(Sample dialogue: Helen: Why aren’t you using cover? You’re going to die! Use cover! Me, jumping out of cover and rushing Cerberus goons trying to melee them to death: BECAUSE I’M MAD)

-- and then to Sanctuary, and HOO BOY WAS THAT A LOT OR WHAT. from the second I heard Oriana’s voice I had a pretty good idea of what was going on here, but seeing in in practice was still creepy af. and like. i’m just gonna go out on a limb and say INDOCTRINATION BAD. I AM NOT A FAN. shout out to that one capitalist volus on the Citadel who was like “lol sanctuary is a scam don’t waste your money” i guess

additionally, last night was significant because I picked not one but TWO ENTIRE renegade convince options, because I saw no reason to be nice to terrorist daddy the illusive man or actual terrorist daddy Mr. Lawson. after I got through all that, Helen explained to me how difficult it apparently is to keep Miranda alive by the end of that confrontation, so I got to do some WHAT LIKE IT’S HARD? preening at how Nice Sheps Finish First sometimes. 

but as usual, the real highlight is getting to know my crew better and talking with them. I finally got some prime flirting in with Liara during Leviathan. it was VERY cute when she was like “man what’s with you rescuing damsels from dig sites? if you end up teaming up with her to save the world and bring down the shadow broker i’ll be very jealous. ... and concerned” and WEIRDLY CUTER when she was like “hey the only tentacled alien who gets to mess with your brain is ME” because Liara is like 115 by now considering how slowly i’m getting through these missions and she still does not know what romance is. 

[no but seriously, Liara does not know what romance is. half the time I’m still going WE’RE STILL DATING, RIGHT? every time she refuses to talk to me. and even after Thessia, when everyone was like “go talk to Liara, she needs you” and even JAVIK of all people was like “you’re dating Liara, right? it’s so obvious” our interactions did not feel particularly... romantic? it’s a tricky needle to thread, obviously, I’m not looking for sloppy makeouts right after millions of her people died, but it still reads as very odd to me. anyway.]

Javik’s story about how he once had a ship like the Normandy and a crew of friends like mine and they all ended up indoctrinated and he had to personally slit their throats went way harder than I ever expected it to. even just the IDEA of having to do that as my Shep upsets me. i’m legit enjoying getting to know Javik, even though i’m still GuessWhoJustGotYelledAt.jpg every time I leave his room. I HAD ENOUGH OF THAT FROM KREIA, JAVIK, YOU’LL NEVER PUSH ME AWAY.

I was surprised by how hard Tali took Miranda’s successful challenge of Mr. Lawson, though in hindsight it makes sense -- with the geth war still happening on top of everything else, I don’t think Tali ever did get the chance to process her anger at her dad being a war criminal and all. and her whole “emergency induction port” bit about the straw was cute as hell tbh. her friendship with Garrus over the comms continues to give me life. 

(in other quarian news, I AM SAD ABOUT KAL’REEGER.)

and jeff. JEFF. after Thessia i literally ran to the bridge and said aloud “Jeff, make me feel better” as I clicked interact with him, and then he made that dig about asari dancers, and i was like NO NOT LIKE THAT. (I mean, what Shep literally said was “now’s not the time for jokes” which is ironic considering she, unlike me, still calls him JOKER) but then he was all DAD ANDERSON SAID I’M SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH, I’M SORRY, I’M DOING MY BEST and like. what a fucked up little family we are. he feels guilty that I died saving him, still! apparently he asks EDI about my stress levels and they are BAD and he feels BAD! im crey. OH AND ALSO THE FACT THAT PTSD ASARI LAURA BAILEY WAS TALKING ABOUT HIS FAMILY ON TIPTREE AND I CAN NEVER TELL HIM BECAUSE THE GAME DOESN’T LET ME DO THAT???? V UPSETTING.

and then of course EDI had to TRIPLE DOWN on all these feelings i was already having by telling me about human resistance and selflessness on Earth and how she wants to turn off her self-preservation code because she’s not about that. I’M SUCH A TOASTER FUCKER HALP.

Garrus being all “well sometimes your best friend gives you a pep talk” speech was cute as hell, and I was strangely charmed when Kaidan was like YOU CAN TELL I’M EXTRA MAD BECAUSE MY VOICE HAS GOTTEN SO DEEP grumbling.

next up: shore leave, and then going after Cerberus will trigger act 3! i may one day finish mass effect after all!

[tidal-wave56]

It started when he was younger. It came from his dad mostly. The times when they did talk he told him about when him and his mother met. How before he met her he was completely numb and immune to human feelings until he saw her and it felt like everything was so colorful. And what he did to make her his.

He was a kid and couldn't comprehend the things he did so his mother would fall in love with him. He grew up like that. He realized he was completely immune to others feelings.

But his father left out the part how his mother brought out the more damaged and psychotic part of him.

Her. Her. Her. Her. Her.

That's all that went through his head when he saw her. The most emotion he showed. He only ever really hung around with three others. But they never gave him a proper appeal. He gained nothing from them. He didn't seem to like them at all. He didn't. He just stood by them so nobody would pity or try and befriend him. 

He was eye candy to everyone yes but he never paid any attention to that. It never gave him emotions. For his mother he tried. He did. But when she selfishly ended her pitiful self he just fell deeper into that hole.

When he was younger he wanted to be like the others. He tried. But trying isn't enough you had to feel.

He never hung with someone unless they benefited him. Nobody was an exception. Well. For her yes. She was the only exception. Only her.

 

He doesn't want the redhead that is obviously dropping hints and charming. Those rich girls? He only used them for the money and for inside info. Never wanted the girl or her body. He found it disgusting when they were a mess and begging for him when he hasn't even done a thing. At least don't try to jerk him off in class. He doesn't want you or any sexual intentions you have or want to give him. He snapped a girl's wrist. Of course he visited the hospital.

But no no. Not to apologize. Just to shake her up a bit.

Next day it turned out she died due to internal bleeding.

Dying from a snapped wrist is unlikely. So something must have happened when he visited.

He played the part of the nice boy toy at her funeral. Her father taking pity on him gave him exactly what he wanted. He thought it was so stupid how naive that old man was.

But all his morals changed in sophomore year. He was close to dropping out. Oh but he finally had a few classes with a girl. The girl that made his world colorful like his father said. 

But like I said. He left out some parts.

It felt like it was only a timer for him.

He found himself always staring at her not caring about others saying he looked like a creep.

He didn't care at all. Only for her. She made him feel things he only heard of.

When she even looked his way he always felt like his guts would drop out of his stomach. She’s that breathtaking.

Fast forward a few weeks later of eavesdropping and stalking. He gathered so much and has everything about her memorized.

Just give him a reason to blame it on you. Talk to him. 

For once he wasn't staring at her only at the guy who was staring at her. And he felt a nudge on her shoulder looking up and his body was filled with fire.

She’s talking to him.

“You’re Xavier right? The teacher said we are partners. Im-” She was interrupted when Xavier stood up and smiled genuinely at her.

“Rachel, right?” He asks and she slowly nods before he leads her to the back of the room as others got with their partners. 

She sat down and instantly started to explain the assignment to the anonymous stalker.

She’s more ravishing up close…

“Are you listening to me?” She sighs and was suddenly straight at him.

“Yes, why are you asking?” His voice was soothing to hear and it had a hint of mischief in it.

“You were just daydreaming, and not responding to any questions.” She sighs wondering why she was partnered up with him.

“Oh, the first question is A. Juliet stabbed herself with Romeo's dagger. Not with the poison.” He responded rather quickly sensing her doubt in him and that made him panic.

She studied him before humming in response and they went over the questions together but unknown to her he was edging closer to her little by little.

Once the bell rang she got up and he growled under his breath having an urge to abuse a bell.

“Hey we only missed one question, why are you growling? We did fine.” She reminds and he looks at her after making eye contact with the boy that was staring at Rachel.

“I was just enjoying your company.” He gave a genuine and complementary explanation and she chuckled awkwardly not knowing how to respond to that.

“I li- enjoyed it too. We have to get to our next classes. Bye.” She gave a curt wave and he smiled waving back but she was already gone then he narrowed his eyes. He got up and grabbed his bag walking to the door but slammed into the guy.

“Sorry man, didn't mean to do that!” Xavier apologized and helped him pick up his things and the male smiled apologetically.

“Thanks, and don't worry about it! I wasn't watching where I was going anyways.” He breathed out with a flat chuckle and got up leaving the room after taking his books from Xavier.

Xavier dropped the sorry look and looked at the card as he walked the opposite direction of his next class.

“Oh, Williams? Shame. I know his older brothers.” Xavier murmured to himself.

A few hours later school was let out and everyone went home like they normally would. 

Williams walked down the dark hallway with a sigh, his hair messy and wore a knitted sweater. He was too busy goggling at Rachel to take notes. He was going to fail… He was the last person there and he always stayed late and was often trusted to lock up the school so he had an extra pair of keys.

He walked towards the front door only to slam into it when it didn't open. He shook the door knob and it was locked. He sighed and pushed his hands into his pockets to fish out his keys but they weren't there. 

Thinking he forgot them in the classroom he walked back and walked over to the door only to find writing on the glass.

Ten second head start. Run.

His eyes widened then narrowed thinking this was a prank and he tried wiping off the ink only to smell and feel its substance.

Blood.

His bag fell to the ground and he dropped everything looking disgusted and disturbed. He looked around for the culprit but saw a trail of blood. He gulped harshly and pulled out a small pocket knife. Smaller than his pinky. Sad really. But hilarious and amusing.

He started following and staggering towards the trail only to see it lead to the bathrooms. The athletes bathrooms.

He stammered out words of ‘Come out’ or something along those lines. He was stuttering like crazy, you couldn't understand him.

He then held his free hand over his mouth as a shield for his own vomit seeing the smashed in head of the janitor. Her fat pig bodied corpse lying in the middle of the athletes showers. Her skull looked like mush and her blood and brains were rinsing down the drain.

Suddenly the showers turned on and steam rose into the air fogging up the glass and windows.

He squeaked and bolted but the door was locked. He realized he dropped the keys, so. Fair game, right?

He started screaming from the top of his lungs and it sent chills down his spine as it echoed around him.

He saw a shadow but before he could turn he felt a thud in his head.

~

Xavier made his way up to the school seeing people gathered outside of the gates and it looked like a riot or something.

He slipped passed others and made it to Rachel.

“What's wrong?” He asked, raising a brow.

“People keep saying a student and staff member was murdered. But The police are saying its a murdered suicide.” She responds.

“Why?”

“The student slit his wrists with a knife and he was beaten by the staff member.” She adds and keeps trying to look over the crowd before sighing and starts walking away.

“Classes are cancelled today.” A few kids say as others started walking back home or whatever.

Xavier watched Rachel before he just- wOOP- all the way up to her and smiled.

“Hey, want to hang out? I don't want to go home and I don't want to be alone right now.” He asked his bag hanging from his shoulder.

She seemed skeptical of his request but she figured why not and agreed.

He suddenly had her bag and held it.

“I invited you so I might as well hold your things.” He spoke up quickly when she gave him a weird look. She debated whether she should retort or even excuse herself. But of course since they are already walking, might as well.

“So...why don't you want to go home?” She asked, not wanting to walk in an uncomfortable silence.

“Well my dad has his models back at home. So work.” He cut it down.

No that man was torturing those women saying it was for an aesthetic. And to bring up awareness. Make it look real.

That was bullshit of course.

“Oh, do you not like them?”

“What do you want to eat?” He interrupted her and apologized as she chuckled.

“Oh I don't mind- I don't have money-” She murmured.

“Did I ask if you had money or not?”

If you texted that it would sound aggressive and agitated. But he said it in a joking and a soft manner. You could tell he said it like he was paying no matter what.

“Well...thank you.” She smiled slightly.

“Hey Rachel! Hey Xavier!”

Xavier glared and looked up seeing Daniel and he skipped over waving to Rachel. And Xavier seemed annoyed by his presence. He was getting in the way of his hang out.

~

“Bye! I had fun!” Rachel smiled and left as Daniel and Xavier waved.

“Why are you still here…” Xavier growled and Daniel was taken aback from how cruel he grew towards him in under five seconds.

“I just wanted to hang out with you-”

“Well when I am with her I don't want you or anyone else around.” He growls his face inches from Daniels.

“You killed Williams didn't you?” Daniel frowned and suddenly Xavier walked away and Daniel followed wanting answers.

Xavier stood by a boulder and Daniel climbed till he stood beside him.

“What happened-?”

“She happened.” Suddenly he had a psychotic smile and looked at Daniel with crazed eyes.

“I haven't felt like this since….well since never! Haha! She happened! I'm so in love with her I will kill anyone just so I can only have her!” He shouts, flinging his arms out and Daniel stared his eyes wide and he was terrified by his sudden obsession.  

“Xavier that-”

“You know how many I've killed already? I never felt more alive then when I killed for her! And I’m telling you because you are my friend.” He smiled but it wasn't a warm or psychotic one. It was just there. It didn't seem fake either. He felt a hand on his chest and stared at Xavier whose face suddenly went dim.

“But I don't trust you. I told you. But I don't trust you at all.” 

“Xavier the things you feel right now? They aren't real, that isn't love- that's obsession-”

“What's the difference? She is mine. She will be all mine.”

“Xavier! This isn't love! You will just hurt her and yourself!” Daniel tried getting that through his head but Xavier was just grinning and having one hand on the side of his own head as if holding it.

“Who cares? As long as I have her I will feel everything! She is the person that makes me feel. She's mine….all mine….”

Daniel frowned.

“She won’t love you.”

Xavier stared at him before his hand on Daniel's chest pushed him and Daniel plummeted to the ground.

The cracks would make anybody cringe and his twisted body laid at the ground.

“I’ll make her learn to love me.”

[harrysbbby]

European Adventure Part 5 - Peter Parker x Reader

A/N: im backkkkk! im so sorry for the delay but i went to a music festival and got absolutely wrecked and now college has gone back so uploads wont be as frequent but i hope you all enjoy this part!

You and Peter strolled along the streets of Prague, a brisk breeze and shared nervousness causing both your teeth to chatter slightly amidst your fumbling awkwardness. You both searched for the words to begin the conversation but failed, continuing to walk in silence. Your bag was slung over your shoulder, holding the very valuable piece of evidence you were going to present to Peter to either confirm or deny your suspicions.

You made your way over a bridge, arms swinging by your sides. With one swift movement the back of your hands brushed. You both quickly pulled them into yourselves, looking at one another and smiling gawkily. Peter chuckled,

“Sucks that the trip got cancelled.” He said, you nodded.

“Yeah really sucks...” there was a lapse of silence before you spoke again, “especially because you didn’t get to complete your plane, hey?” With this sentence your heart gave a pang, but you masked it but looking at the ground.

“Wait- what plan?” Peter’s voice went up at octave as he asked, genuinely confused. His heart lurched as the first thing his mind went to was the elementals and-

“You know with MJ?” you said, raising your eyebrows as if your answer was obvious. He screwed his face in confusion, so you continued, “you know, Paris, the necklace…” you trailed off. Your voice trembled slightly with the hurt you were feeling knowing that the plan was not intended for you, but also because of your inclination that Peter is Spider-Man.

“What?” he queried. He looked at you astonished- mainly because he had not thought about this plan since the bus to Prague. That when he knew Brad had that photo of him he was petrified he was going to show MJ the photo. But ever since you helped him, without judging, without knowing the full situation- hell, you even distracted the whole class, so he could jump out the emergency exited- he started to see you differently. (Especially after accidentally seeing your texts with your sister, thanks to Edith).

You were just the girl in a couple of his classes, the one he had hung out with on the trip, the one who gave him advice on how to get MJ, the one who had made his heart flutter when you asked to do something together and then made his heart sink when he had to bail for saving-the-world-duties. That’s why he had agreed to hang out with you- to spend more time with you, develop his feelings, and maybe tell you he was over MJ.

“Oh that plan,” he clarified, “oh yeah…” he said quietly before perking up again, “actually, NO!”

His sudden rise in volume made you jump slightly. You turned to him and he did the same, stopping in the middle of the bridge.

“Sorry,” he mumbled sheepishly, “I mean, I have a new plan actually. And I wanted to speak to you about it- “

“I wanted to talk to you about something too.” He was taken aback by your words but nodded, indicating for you to continue.

You took a deep breath before letting the words you had been dwelling over for day leave your lips:

“Is your new plan to do with Spider-Man?”

His face whitened. His eyes widened. You saw his breathing begin to sharpen. His brows pulled together as he tilted his head to side.

Peter was freaking out- how did you figure it out? He knows he hasn’t been the most discrete he could have been about it, but he didn’t actually think you’d put the dots together. He ever had the stealth suit made so that this exact thing would not occur.

His mouth opened and closed repeatedly as he racked his brain for the right words to say, highly aware that the longer it took to do this, the less he was helping his case.

“What!” his voice squeaked as he narrowed his eyes at you, “No! What!” Me, Spider-Man? I’m not- no way! What, um, what gave you that impression?” he stumbled over his words, crossing his arms in an attempt to act nonchalantly.

You pursed your lips together, finding his words unconvincing.

“Well Peter, I mean there was the white string coming out of you in Venice. The ride to Prague where you literally jumped out of a moving bus! The fact you ditched the Opera and then showed up where the monsters were- you knew my name!”

“Have you been watching me, Y/N?” he asked coyly, raising and eyebrow. You were caught off guard- maybe you had been watching him, you did in fact like him, so it was hard to not watch him- but you played it off by scoffing.

“No!” you said (unpersuasively), “and stop trying to change the subject.” You said sternly, pointing your finger at him. He uncrossed his arms and let his shoulders relax, looking at your sincerely.

“I’m not Spider-Man,” and you could’ve almost believed him, “besides that guy last night was Night Monkey.”

“Then why does Night Monkey have the same webs as Spider-Man?” you said, digging your hand into your bag and fishing out the silver contraption. You handed it to Peter, and he took it curiously, seemingly dropping his façade.

He looked at perplexedly, “What is this?”

“I have no idea, it just came off your web last night-“

“Hey, I said it wasn’t me!” he said almost sharply.

“Then where were you last night?” you countered.

“I was sick…” he said slowly. You rolled your eyes slightly.

“You were the last one to come back!”

“I got lost,” he tried to convince you again, but his attempts fell short.;

“Peter-“ you said, beginning to become extremely irritated, but your frustrations were cut short when a beaming light emitted from the silver object. Peter dropped it as it cast a scene in between the two of you.

The monster was swirling around above you before it disappeared.

“What did you do?” you asked.

“I barely touched it,” Peter grumbled, bending down to inspect the device. “What..” he whispered to himself lightly grazing his fingers along the metal and over the- his?- webs. “Does this mean-“

“is all fake?” you said finishing his sentence. You both looked at each other perplexed. Peter picked up the device holding it between the two of you.

“But we were there, everything was real- the destruction, the fire-“

“Wait, we? Peter you just said-“ he ignored you as he continued to ponder.

“Who would do something like that?” his question was answered as quickly as it was asked. The device began to project again, but this time, swirling around the monster was a trail of puffy green smoke…

“Mysterio.” You said, looking back at Peter. He was already looking at you, eyes opened as wide as they could, a look of sheer terror on his face.

“Y/N” he started, “I am Spider-Man” – your heart skipped at the confession- “And I messed up really bad.” He said, cringing at the end of his sentence.

“Wait, you are Spider-Man?” you clarified. He nodded, his face still fear-stricken. “You’re being serious with me right now?!” you screeched.

“Yes, I am. I’m Spider-Man and I need your help.”

“Oh my god, Peter! You’re SPIDER-MA…” you were cut off by his hand covering your mouth.

“Don’t shout it out for everyone to hear! Come on, I’ll explain everything on the way back to the hotel.” He said, taking your hand in his and leading you back along the bridge. Your heart was already beating fast from the confirmation of your reservations but skipped a beat at the feeling of his skin against yours.

On the way back to the hotel Peter explained what had been going on- how Mysterio had showed up and claimed to be a soldier from another Earth. How Mr Stark (who it took you a moment to realise meant Tony Stark aka Iron Man, once you realised Peter had the Stark “Internship.”) gave him the glasses aka Edith and how Mysterio must have been using the same technology to create the illusions.

“I can’t believe I gave Beck those glasses. I cannot believe I was so stupid,” Peter sighed, shutting the curtains in his room. “He’s probably spying on me right now,” he said moving towards his laptop, “or send drone to come and kill me.”

“You had access to killer drones?” you asked dubiously.

“Yeah” he said, almost too indifferently, “but I didn’t really want them especially after I nearly killed Brad.” He slammed the compute shit and walked over towards you, picking up his phone on the way.

“You nearly killed Brad!” you whisper yelled, looking at him scoldingly.

“It was an accident! Besides you helped me!”

You looked at him in bewilderment, “I didn’t help you kill anyone!”

“Oh no, like, you helped me stop the drone that was going to kill him. You know, ‘baby mountain goats’” he said with what you could only assume was a terrible attempt at impersonating your voice.

“Oh,” you said, nodding your head slightly, still confused as to how that situation got to the point that Brad nearly died.

“Anyway,” Peter said shaking his head, changing the subject, “I have to call Mr Fury and tell him that Beck’s a fraud, but I think he tapped my phone…” he said trailing off, looking up at you for support.

“What are you going to do?” you asked softly. You could see the cogs turning within his rich brown eyes.

“Uh, well I need my suit,” he said, grabbing the large black bag from the corner arm chair. “And I have to go to Berlin and talk to Mr Fury in person.”

In one swift movement he unzipped the bag and emptied its contents on to the bed, before moving his arms to the bottom of his torso and lifting his shirt over his head.

He turned to look at you in embarrassment, eye wide open. Your eyes however were drifting lower and lower from his eyes down to his toned chest…

Peter cleared his throat awkwardly. “Um,” he started, still looking at you but at a loss for words.

“Oh! Sorry,” you said blushingly before turning around. You hair created a curtain around your head, but you found yourself twisting slowly on the spot to have another look-

“No! That’s so wrong and pervy” you thought, but still found yourself trying to catch a glimpse of his abs through the gaps of your hair. You saw movement from the corner of your eye and turned to see the hotel room door open. There stood Ned, a look of mild stress on his face.

Peter turned around and saw his best friend and sighed, “Oh, Ned, perfect.”

“Costume looks great!” he spoke quickly, eyes darting between you and Peter. You narrowed your eyes at him, “for the costume party…” his voice trailed off as Peter shook his head.

“She knows, I told her.” He clarified, and you see Ned visibly relax against the door frame.

“That’s cool,” he nodded.

“Technically, I think I figured it out,” you said somewhat cheekily. You turned to Peter with your brows raised when a voice carried from behind you.

“See, another person figured it out Peter. You have got to get better at this.” MJ was now stood behind Ned, arms crossed across her chest. Peter frowned at her, but you could only see his eyes squint because of the suit.

“MJ knows too?” you asked.

“Yeah, I figured out a long time ago,” she replied, “like, a really long time ago. You know, you really should have a better hold on your identity by now…”

“We can work on better hiding my identity when I get back,” Peter interrupted, waving a hand dismissively at her.

“Okay,” she said looking disinterested, “I’ll pencil you in.” she deadpanned. Peter grunted, clearly frustrated with his friends antics before continuing.

“Mysterio is a fraud,” he explained to them. Ned looked confused.

“But he saved me and Betty’s lives. Y/N was there too.”

“It was fake,” you stated, “he’s using illusion tech.”

“He’s using these hologram projectors to create the whole thing.” Peter continued. Ned’s eyes widen whilst Michelle’s continued to be impartial.  

“Wow that’s…crazy.” He said anxiously.

“Yeah,” you sighed, looking at Peter. Both Ned and MJ noticed the way your eyes lingered on one another. MJ’s lips fell into a smirk whilst Ned said,

“Were you guys working the case or something?” he laughed light. You nodded,

“Kind of, although, it has been mostly me,” you whispered the last part, bring the back of your hand to the side of your lips. Ned’s brows creased.

“Look Ned,” Peter said stepping forward, “I need you to call May and ask her to call Mr Harrington and say that I’m going to be staying with family in Berlin until this all blows over.” He spoke quickly, you having to blink a couple times to keep up and comprehend what he was saying.

Without hesitation Ned affirmed, “yep, got it.”

“Wow,” you said in astonishment, “you came up with that so fast. You lied so easily,” looking between the two of them in surprise. Ned chuckled humbly.

“Get used to it,” MJ said, picking at one of her nails, clearly not as invested in this as the rest of you were.

“I gotta go,” Peter said, placing a gloved hand on your shoulder as he moved passed you. As he opened the curtains you saw a glint of light reflective off some silver.

“Wait,” you stopped him, grabbing the projector and chucking it at him. “You’re going to need this.” He caught it in one hand with ease.

“Don’t tell anyone about this okay?” he said, “anyone who knows about this in danger.” You nodded. He pulled his mask down over his eyes and with a THWIP had swung out the window.

You let out a sigh and let your shoulder relax. Ned’s voice cause you to turn to him.

“So, you know too?” he said. “That’s cool, we have a bit of a squad going here,” he laughed comically, referring his hand over his should to MJ who was still stood by the door. “But you know I’ve known first and the longest… but it’s not a competition,” he assured.

You laughed slightly at him, “Okay, Ned.” You said turning back around to look out the window thinking- What the hell have I gotten myself into now?

Tags:

If it didn’t tag you it meant it wouldn’t let me

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[depths-of-hope-and-despair]

“Ugh...” Iyabo sat on the bed in a huff, crossing her arms and setting Gasper up in his cage on her top desk. She glanced towards the door as Finn sat down beside her. “I just don’t get wot is happenin’? Y’know? How did he get ‘ere in te first place? Why does he wanna marry Putri of all fuckin’ people?” She snarks, earning a chuckle from her friend.

“Dunno. Maybe he’s just got a thing fer short girls?” Finn offers with a smile.

Iyabo punched him in the shoulder lightly, rolling her eyes but laughing. “Yer not helpin’!”

“‘M not finished.” Finn rubbed the back of his neck. “All I’m sayin’ is... it uh... might not be our business, y’know?” He offered.

Iyabo furrowed her eyebrows. “Not our business? Wot do ya mean?”

“Well..” Finn began, searching for the right words and staying silent for longer than need be. “It’s like.. a custom thing fer them, didn’t he say? He won ‘er hand an’ stuff, an’ now he feels like.. he’s entitled ta ‘er.”

“Yea, an’ that’s exactly why it is our business, Finn.” Iyabo fired back, frowning. “Just ‘cause it’s a custom doesn’t make it right. Have ya seen te way she’s scared of ‘im? She obviously doesn’t like ‘im like that! It’s not fair that she has ta be with someone she doesn’t even love, ain’t it?”

“H-Hey, ‘m not sayin’ that, ‘m just..” Finn nervously held his hands up in submission, not wanting to get her fired up. “I just... he doesn’t seem.. very nice, Yabs. An’ I-I know how ya are... ya wanna help people. I know ya do. An’ ‘m worried that-“ He took a deep breath, searching for courage. “‘M ‘fraid yer gonna but in an’ get hurt in te process. Ya have a tendency ta do.. that...”

Iyabo listened, but as soon as Finn trailed off and finished, her gaze hardened. “I don’t- I... wot are ya on ‘bout!? Are ya sayin’ ‘m stupid or somethin’? I... I know I don’t always think shit through, but-! Sometimes ya can’t take te time to make up a plan, ‘cause if ya don’t act right then an’ there, someone gets hurt. An’ frankly, I’d rather be seen as a fuckin’ idiot fer protectin’ someone who needs me, than a coward who just stood there an’ watched.” She hissed, clearly offended and angry.

“I-“ Finn looked confused and hurt by what she said. He frowned back. “Are ya sayin’ that ‘m a coward..? ‘Cause I don’t want ya gettin’ hurt? C’mon.” He sounded frustrated for once.

“Don’t give me that, mop head!” Iyabo barked back, standing up and raising her voice slightly. “I never said yous was a coward! But, yer fuckin’ actin’ like one when ya talk like that.” She huffed, turning towards the doorway. “‘M gettin’ Putri outta ‘ere an’ away from that freak ‘fore he does somethin’ worse. If she won’t say shit, I will.”

“No. Iyabo-“ Finn reaches after her, grabbing her arm and pulling her back as gently as possible. “Can’t ya just- listen ta me? I know ‘m not te brightest, but.. just this once, please??” He pleads.

Iyabo looked down at his arm and back at him, considering his proposal before ultimately pulling away. “No. ‘M sorry, Finn. But... no. I won’t. Not dis time.” She turned the doorknob and aimed to walk out.

In a panic, Finn jumped up and grabbed her again, pulling her back a little harder this time. “Yabs! C’mon, fer godsakes, please!?” His voice rose for once, seeming genuinely afraid for her.

Iyabo got startled at the roughness and desperation in his voice for a second. She immediately squirmed to get away. “Let go ‘a me! I made up my mind! Yer not stoppin’ me now! Get yer hands off-!” In a fit of desperation to get out, Iyabo kicked off his leg to get some push back. It worked too well.

Iyabo tumbled back against the hallway wall, and Finn did a similar tumble. Clink! The sound of something metal hitting the floor caught Iyabo’s attention, and looked down at where Finn laid on the ground. Her eyes shrunk at seeing what sat beside him.

A dreamcatcher with red feathers on the ends that dangled and shimmered in the light of the room. Almost just like the one Aditi wore.

Iyabo stared at the dreamcatcher on the ground, gawking at it. “Yer....” Her brain couldn’t seem to catch up to the events unfolding. “Why... do ya have that..?” She asked quietly.

Finn rubbed his head, looking up to see her in her state of shock, confused at first. Until he noticed his fumble, and then he paled. He grabbed the winking dreamcatcher and stuffed it in his pocket quickly, putting his hands up denfenselessly. “It’s nothin’! I didn’t.. it’s just.. it’s not wot ya think-“

“Wot do I think it means, Finn? Yer not... this isn’t..?” She let out a tense laugh. “Ya just found that right? Lyin’ on te floor? It’s one of Putri’s, yea?” Iyabo tried to reach for the most logical out come, wanting it to be true.

Finn couldn’t look at her. His eyes were covered, yet he couldn’t even glance in her direction. His head hung low in shame. Iyabo looked at him with furrowed eyebrows, needing an answer. She received it, in a shame of his head. “‘S mine. Ivory... g-gave it ta me when I... visited. I’m... I uh..” Finn reached to explain in a way that won’t hurt her worse, but when he looked up again, he knew it was too late for that.

“... No.” Iyabo shook her head, her hands coming up to hug her own shoulders, feeling as if she might start shaking. “No, no, no... n-no... how...?” Her voice quivered, trying to bite back the urge to cry.

“W-Wait, I can explain-“ Finn tried, reaching out to her but finding nothing but air.

Iyabo was gone as soon as he took his first step towards her, spiriting down the hall way. Finn yelled after her, but she couldn’t hear anything else anymore, everything sounded like white noise.

It wasn’t just a feather sticking out of his pocket. It never was.

[peachcitt]

for the meta writing asks: 20 and 4? ☺️

okay so thank you so much for asking these questions and wanting to know more about how i write and basically im saying ilysm and also that this got really really long SO if you’d like to hear about the stuff i think about/thought about while writing, click the read more!!

warning for: bone tea spoilers (like. spoilers for the end of the fic) and some mention of religion

20. tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

let’s talk about bt! because god knows there’s a whole lot in there that i could talk about for hours BUT let’s talk specifically about gabriel and lila - our two favorite villains. NOW if you haven’t read bt (you can read it here) and don’t mind being hella spoiled for how it ends, gabriel is the father of adrien, one of the main protagonists, and lila is an ex-lover of marinette, the other main protagonist. throughout the whole story, i made it so that the relationships marinette and adrien have with gabriel and lila remain really complicated.

at the start of bt, we know adrien has cut himself off from his father and hasn’t seen him in years. as the story progresses, adrien and gabriel begin to make the steps of re-establishing a father-son relationship, and it’s something that adrien really does seem to feel good about. and then gabriel tells him that he’s hawkmoth, the guy who’s been killing people. so that’s not great.

for marinette, we’re given the sense that she’s been very isolated for a while, at least in the world of magic. when shit hits the fan, lila comes along, and it’s revealed that the relationship marinette and lila had before bt was a very passionate one that ended very badly. when chat confesses to marinette, we learn that in some ways, marinette still hasn’t recovered from the relationship she had with lila. and it turns out, lila joins up with hawkmoth for the sole reason of ruining marinette in any way she possibly can as revenge for breaking her heart. so that’s also not great. 

here’s bits from the final fight scene, aka the scene where both gabriel and lila are defeated:

Within seconds, his body was dropping unceremoniously to the floor, his life buzzing around amongst her teeth, and she was turning around, sparing no glances to the limp form of the man who had killed her friends, killed her other half. 

//

Marinette’s eyes widened. She and Lila both turned their heads to Adrien, pushing himself up from the floor. There was a determined light in his eyes, and Marinette knew. She knew he was going to do it, and he was going to do it right.

“To worlds far and unreturnable-”

Lila also seemed to know.

She turned her head back to Marinette, desperate, unhinged. She raised her arms, the blood and the silver glinting.

“BEGONE!”

it might be a little hard to tell since these are very small snippets, but here’s what i wanted to point out: in this final fight, marinette is the one to defeat gabriel, and adrien is the one to defeat lila. in a sense, marinette and adrien defeated each other’s antagonist.

in the final scene, they felt that they had literally no other choice; adrien was dead, gabriel offered his life, and marinette knew that was the only viable option for adrien to come back. marinette was pinned down, lila had the upper hand, and adrien knew marinette wouldn’t say the words in time to save herself. this was, to me, the ultimate symbol of adrien and marinette’s partnership and relationship; they always had each other’s backs, they were always balancing each other out.

but, i also felt that i was robbing the both of them the chance to feel closure for the abuse they each suffered. despite everything, adrien loved gabriel (his last words before dying were “i love you” directed toward the entire room - not just marinette, not just emilie, but also to gabriel) and marinette loved lila (even when she was inhabiting another body, marinette could still see lila behind it all - her last words to her, and presumably the last words she thought she would ever say were “i loved you; with everything i had, i loved you”)

SO let’s look at two moments from the final chapter:

After a moment, Adrien took a deep breath, wiping the tears from his eyes. “Is he still here?” he asked, and Marinette nodded. Adrien stared down at the grave, eyebrows furrowed. “Go now, Father,” he said softly, almost gently. “Go.”

Gabriel opened his mouth as if to say something in protest, and then he swallowed, glancing at Marinette and Emilie. He bowed his head, and he faded away, out of sight.

“He’s gone,” Adrien whispered. It wasn’t a question.

//

She rubbed her thumb over the little fix insignia, and she murmured the spell to wipe the hex away under her breath. When she pulled her hand away, the fox was gone, and so were all the traces of Lila’s magic. “It’s done,” she said, and she resolutely placed the book back into its proper place.

“Done?” Adrien asked, and Marinette nodded.

“Yeah. She’s gone.” And it was like a little weight had lifted off of her shoulders.

again, it might be a little hard to tell in these small snippets, but here’s what happened: at gabriel’s funeral, gabriel’s ghost shows up and adrien is the one to send him away for good. at marinette’s bookshop, marinette finds an old hex that lila left on one of the books from a while back, and she is the one to wipe away the hex.

so, through these small final scenes, i tried to give adrien and marinette the opportunity to say goodbye to the people they both loved and hated on their own terms. it was important for me to show that they saved each other without question in the final fight, but it was just as if not more important for me to give them each the space and peace so that they could come to terms with and turn the page on their past traumas.

dkjdkdskdkd that was basically a whole ass essay im sorry gnjfghjf BUT ive been wanting to ramble about that ever since i finished bt so THANK YOU for letting me do that

(ive also been thinking about maybe doing a bt reread before/after i post the special extra chapters where i reread bt and make comments like this about the thoughts i had while writing so let me know if any of y’all would like to see that!!) anyways next question sjffkj

4. share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

"We are all God's things, all made of the same materials as everything else. There is a piece of Rome here, and there is a piece of here in Rome. The divinity does not lie in the place, but rather in the hands that shaped the place."

"Construction workers and artists that died hundreds of years ago made Rome," Will said, and Hannibal turned his eyes on him. A tumbling sort of feeling fell upon Will's stomach. "The company down the road made this one."

"Aren't the hands of God's people holy? Aren't the thoughts born from their brains pieces of the clay that He shaped, breathed life into?"

this is from my hannigram fic the dark and the stained glass watchers and there’s a couple of reasons why im proud of this, the first being that i was very drunk when i wrote this fic sfkjhsfkj 

literally i got drunk and i was like. hm i think i will write something gay and kind of blasphemous and then i wrote this fic that has a lot of really really good lines in it that i actually genuinely enjoy sober (if you haven’t watched hannibal and are curious about this fic - don’t worry you can read it if you want! it’s an au, so you don’t actually have to know anything about the show to read it)

im also proud of this bit because i have a sort of complicated relationship with religion skfjkfdk i was raised catholic which, as many know, has the ability to do wonders on your psyche in the long run in certain cases, and ive never really felt very connected to church or that strict sort of religion in general. im still not really sure exactly what i believe, to be honest - but i like to believe in the idea of holiness, of divinity. and, in this blasphemous gay hannibal fanfiction i wrote while drunk, i feel like in some ways i was finally able to put words to the things in my head regarding religion and belief in a way that i think is really beautiful. and im lowkey pretty proud of that.

anyway thank you so much for allowing me to ramble on about this stuff i love you and everyone who managed to read through all of this skjfghsfjh y’all are so strong