#im sorry brain flat
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Like this for an ask.
#ˊ 🕸️ ﹙ 𝘰𝘰𝘤. ﹚ ﹐#im sorry brain flat#i was up at five am cause my cat got out of the house#found his silly ass but couldn’t go back to sleep#out of my ADHD meds so my sleep is tanking#staying alive is playing in my frontal lobe at all times
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Do yourself a favor and go read the entire fanfic work of @fanfoolishness
(In order: Under sun and shade, Blind Side, and Breathless (patching up is one of my fav too, I just had no cool sketch idea for it)
#star wars#star wars the bad batch#the bad batch fanart#tbb fanart#tbb fanfiction#dumping my “fanfic_doodles.clip” file here literally#sorry the style is messy#now I see them all Im like “ok it's all over the place zero/100 aesthetically pleasuring post”#hhhh its the thought that counts?#And tbh the point is just to convince you to read theses#because I'm like OBSSEEESSED with theses since you appeared in my notes#Every fic is gold#Me baiting my followers with pretty enough pictures to read fanfics#this being said I should really take the time to color properly my stuff#but I don't liiiiiiiiike it#there is tons of more talented artists if people want colored beautiful amazing art#me I can't really make my “”“spontaneous”“” “”“doodles”“” pretty without trying hard and at the end it's meh#They're so flat too#yesterday I was like “oh my scenes are becoming less flat I improved maybe”#Then I scrolled on my storyboard insta and was like#yeah sure no#I'm still faaaaaar away from the industry standards#I studied like at three arts school and I'm still bad at drawing TAT#why is my brain not working v_v#look brain I'm showing you nice pictures learn from them#brain: no Im gonna overfixate on this left hand here and only this#anyway
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Shhh…
I like Mereel a lot. He’s cheerful and personable and fun and very, very clever and very, very good at what he does. He’s my favorite null because he’s all those things and also has the capacity to be the scariest, eeriest bastard out of all of them.
#LET THE PRETTY BOY BE A MURDER MACHINE!!! like. on da screen. he already is obviously. also a conniving and tricking machine#mereel skirata#repcomm#my art#i think hes the null least likely to kill witnesses. not bc he has faith in people but bc keeping them frim squealing is like a game to him#let him indulge in making people piss their pants!! i wld shit myself if Friendly Jock turned off his person face and stabbed a bitch#this is a super rough sketch and flats hardcore needs some edits to be decent but it was fun so whatever#my brain is leak out my gd ears im soooooo fucking dead between the ears#sorry for the general incomprehensibility tonight ppl but HERE U GO#my concussed ass offering to the masses
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Rereading the Mysqueery Gang and like. Who let me post this. Worst writing I've ever done like heck I'm so sorry to all my readers i should have been better 😭 these kids deserve a better story
#cringing so bad like oof#good ideas! good concepts! terrible execution#this is why i havent continued it from where i left off#if im ever to pick this project back up#i would need to redraw and rewrite the whole thing#at the end of the day i was 18 😭 my brain was NOT developed enough#the dialogues....... they are so flat like kdjfkshdisbfjdhsibdjdbc#I have to trust my writing is better now 😭😭😭😭 because BOOOOOOOOO#anyways once more im so sorry to all the people who were readers im so very thankful for you all#one day!!! one day theyll live again#and ill put them through so much you will no recognize them#ive had the time to listen to tma since then ok#also i made them swear so much#its because thats how i speak 😔 ive got a nasty mouth sorry#the story is still the same in my mind tho like i still have the ending ready
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i cant keep explaining slash shipping to normal people and then just receiving a "that doesn't make any sense" WHERE'S YOUR FUN??? YOUR WHIMSY??!?!? YOUR IMAGINATION???!???
#the parasite talks#like idk what to say to you i was just making a fun joke about the onceler x jack frost era and now im here explaining#the whole history of shipping and the joke is completely dead and buried like my hopes of feeling normal and not terminally online...#also them not understanding the tf2 ships????? at least some accept the heavy and medic ship but just cant wrap their heads around snipersp#LIKE THATS A BASIC ONE HOW ARE YOU GONNA LOOK AT ME WHEN I GET THE MERASMUS AND SOLDIER OR HEAVY AND SCOUT#what do you mean you cant ship demoman and soldier?? hi??? is this thing on???#how are you gonna react to the big four/ rise of the brave tangled dragons#just have fun for a bit.... it really doesnt need to be logical or make sense sometimes i just want to see two hot women making out#what do you mean i cant thing abt glados in her robot form and the hotel in her building mode and pass out because i know the chemistry#between them would be so toxic it would disintegrate me like the elephant's foot??? sorry for having fun with the media i interact with#actually no im not sorry just have fun for once im begging here sorry my brain is so massive and my ass so flat
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drawing other people's dnd characters based on the image i made of them in my head and NOTHING ELSE because i'm evil
#my art#dnd oc#friend oc#bell#must stress again that this is entirely headcanon i doubt this is what he actually looks like LMAO#he keeps that mask on at all times so we have not seen his face and probably wont for a while#but my brain was like oh he's returned (undead) so like#what if he was a silly zombie lookin fucker who SLAYED. HARD#(i love how he turned out but i also. dont want to post it in the discord because i KNOW im so wrong about how he looks)#(and i didnt feel like asking ethan about it bc idk if he could really say yet)#(plus i really hate sending art to people specifically to ask for opinions ESPECIALLY of their own characters i get so scared)#(which is why i usually just draw my own characters lmao but i love my friends' characters so i wanted to try)#also something about it feels a bit unfinished? i didnt put a ton of effort into it since i really just made it for fun for me#i think his expression is just a bit flat but i didnt want to make it too exaggerated really so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#also also sorry for long tags but this is slowly becoming an art blog isnt it LMAO#hope yall are cool with that i like having somewhere to post everything
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wish i found leon and ada believable as a couple bc the dynamic of action hero and antihero who steals shit from them inc. their heart and brain is so good but unfortunately there is nothing there. and there will continue 2 be nothing there as long as ada exists in perpetuity as the video game equivalent of the sexy green m&m
#or#revil posting#they went too far w the mystique of it all they forgot to give her a character#like i love her in my brain she's wonderful <3 but she is really like a sexy lamp for all of the character work capcom put into her#ada is. competent. and wears cocktail dresses to the zombie apocalypse on two separate occasions. thts it xoxo#she's also a feminist bc she feels bad that carla got her shit rocked by mad science but not that bad yk cause shes ambivalent#her va in the remakes is doing so much by giving her that flat affect but my running wild with an autism headcanon is not a real trait#(neither is the likely intention of her just being . really bored of me lol)#that ada wong actually has and expresses <3 this is a post where i talk abt how i do not connect with The revil ship but#now it's a post about how ada could be Everything. they Stole her Moments they Took her Cutscenes#and she already had so little......... my beloved#sorry ive just googled are there books about ada wong and she is in One book. and this review says the author 'gives life to characters#whose motivations we normally only get in cutscenes' or w/e and now im wondering if i need to read this. if This will tell me#give me Ada Info. Ada Lore.#god and i havent even mentioned that leon is gay and all the smart gamers know it!!!#the ideal ada/leon dynamic is roommates
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anon mohgwyn here! just read your mohg x miquella love in abundance series and hoo boy.
it's fucking fantastic. the way you write mohg as this devoted, almost zealous fanatic of miquella's amorphous form, how he is love and truth embodied. how miquella is characterised: he is the most fierce empyrean, and likely would not have let mohg take him if it did not play into his plans: he promised malenia he would return, after all. and yet miquella cannot help but control, in that bewitching nature of his, ironically the very thing he wishes to eliminate from the ring and order.
fhfhhfhfhrhhfhdhdhdhhdhdhdhdhdhdh I'm Soooo glad you're groking what im trying to do with them. Like, I know as soon SotE comes out literally every part of Miquella's characterization in that fic will be made ooc, bc let's be real, it's A Stretch with what's in the game as is (and Mohg is just an oc at this point). but For now he is a glorious manipulative selfish godling who represents half of the change from the stagnation that came before him while still carrying everything that caused that stagnation in the first place within himself.
Like, people more versed in the lore and development have said it better but there's So much that feels flubbed with Miquella's side of the story. And hindsight, it's probably because a chunk of it was cut out late in development to be used in SotE and so much of Mohg's everything was obviously scrapped at some point, But By God if fromsoft doesn't let him be more than a damsel in distress i will riot. Malenia the coolest hardest boss says Miquella was above even her, and in the game he got kidnapped by a shitty sewer cultist who lives in a gross swamp with his little chortling henchmen... without Malenia noticing or Miquella doing jack shit about it. It Doesn't line up.
Sorry i have So many thoughts about them in my skull at all times and they're all tripping over eachother rn bc I'm Excited about it. There's something There. If you squint. they're the exact type of fucked up that appeals to me specifically and I love them in a "by god what is Wrong with you?" way. They're the fuhken, reason i bought the game because i saw the bullshit going down with them in a let's play and just needed to get a closer look.
#i am So fucking unwell about them#I have like 80?% of the fic fully typed out#and just have the sinewy bits between the big bits to go#but those sinewy bits ar largely like#Mohg and Malenia sitting around being bored and slowly bonding#Dealing with their mutual jealousy and anxiety about what the other ones pressence means for their relationship with Miquella#Like Malenia trusts her brother but she cant Not be scared that this shithead is going to replace her as his guard.#Mohg could help Miquella in a way Malenia simply couldn't. and that terrifies her. She defines herself as the fucking Blade of Miquella.#And Mohg is of course fully aware Malenia could make him into a paste in 2 seconds flat#and that no matter what Miquella feels for him#hey i just realized im rambling#Sorry i got excited im Really brainsick about these two and my guy friend can only be expected to tolerate So much of that#so it just#leaks out.#God i have another fic for them percolating in my brain#and a future chapter/sorta side thing thats getting major edits about 90% of the way done#Miquella's characterization in it is piss but im Obsessed with it to the point ive stripped it out and made a new oc. to just have in my#pocket for stuff that like. Bloodlilly adjacent but not Quite right for them#Which is why grinning thing is blond.#im obsessed with that fic in general. As soon as I clean up miqy's characterization and make mohg 5% more unhinged im posting it#it was meant to be a smut fic but its uhhhhhhhhhhhh 5k words of Miquella having a Mohg's shackle based crisis.#bc i accidentally killed patches and through that was reminded of mohgs shackles existence and though hee hoo a smut can be done#and now its about Miquella's guilt over being more than willing to hurt mohg and Mohg being really into that.#And Miquella's guilt over being Really Really into That.#anyways youve stopped reading by now and im going insane Not talking about it. But the fic has a body count now. Its one of the twins.#which isnt a spoiler really because every single character in the fic is a twin. Hell#even the Author is a twin. So who knows what the future holds! besides a twin getting ganked and me crying about it
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You know, for as much as I've said I'm not going to read any more tr.istamp fic, I never seem to learn my lesson
#speculation nation#i will not say what i read bc i am not in the habit of spreading negativity#but i just. GOD i really do not like the common vash characterization for t.ristamp fic#why did i even read all of it? i didnt even really Like it#i just. started. and what do you know i just kept reading.#i should be in bed. i should be sleeping so that i have a refreshed brain#so that i can embrace my own characterization that i love and enjoy oh so much#my characterization really is all my favorite parts of him. so Many other ones end up falling flat.#most commonly is in the tr.istamp fic tho#he is Not a whimpering sniveling baby who talks Oh So Cutely and also is weirdly emotionally manipulative??? what????#that last one being from the thing i read. im just like. what the Fuck was that????#maybe i should just reread parts of my own fic. it would certainly make me happier than This did :/#ok bitch mode over i just had to rant a little bit hfkshfkf Sorry
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i love being low empathy AND low compassion and i definitely do not hate how this affects every single interaction i have with people
#like man. im trying. im trying really hard to be a human being with human emotions like everyone else but i am just a little freak#i crawled out of the woods when i was a little baby and now i look normal but when you blink i transform into a wolf monster thing#with big sharp teeth and big sharp claws and big pointy ears black fur up my arms and legs.#if you manage to catch a glimpse of it before you shut your eyes you will know who i am.#and i try to speak to people with my flat werewolf tongue but the words do not sound right and i hunt down mice and rabbits and drop#them at the doorstep of everyone who i ever adored and maybe you'll regard them with some sort of endearment but still#i cannot be touched or brushed or pet because i am too scared#and my werewolf brain doesn't understand that people are just being nice to be nice without an ulterior motive#my werewolf brain does not understand why people are sad nor does it care despite knowing that i should and wanting to care#my werewolf brain does not understand humans but it doesn't understand wolves either and i am alone#to laugh and play and run by myself in the woods trying to forget that i am not human and will probably never be.#i just RGHH hate being this way.... the autism........#a lot of people feel differently but i really hate it and i spend a lot of time trying to be normal. sorry.
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why am i getting dysphoric....that i am not enough like my assigned sex??????
#chatbox#i need bigger boobs. and wider hips and more ass. says my brain#for some fucking reason#i need to draw myself in my fem shift#OH oh right i forgot to tell you people im probably non binary now. im so sorry for not updating reality's barely existed to me as of late#but like i can be a flat queen....it would be so cool of me
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sudden profound sadness cos this will be yet another summer without being able to go swim or just get topless to survive the summer's heat because im still too broke to save enough for top surgery or save any money really
#even if i had the chance to save up enough money i don't think ill would be able to afford the hospital stay + time to recovery bc ill need#to work to make up for all the money spend on that#finished the traineeship so i won't get the financial aid that went along with it so paying the rent will be tricky#saving up money for anything isn't even in the picture rn 💀💀💀#had like 100 not used at the end of january i was glad i could save up for once and guess what!! a fire happened lol!!!!#our new flat had furnitures with the contract but barely any LIKE NO CHAIR#or desks or anything to cook???? so every tiny bit of savings went in there and we still have to buy stuff for every day life#like all the shit we already went through AND MORE when we had our first flat like come one back yo square one wtf#anyway venting im sorry being born broke just doesn't really open up any fucking perspective for your future + it fucks w/ ur brain day1#tomtom_is_rambling#tomtom_is_venting#tomtom wishes shit could be fucking easier
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Sometimes im like yeah get fucked epilepsy i got meds ur powerless here and then i get violently humbled just sitting at my desk
#it happened the other day at h and m and like idk how to describe it#but like maybe like what i assume its like when the bariometric plumments alllnof a sudden but like internally and like#actually its like what i imagine seeing a tornado touch down near you is like and feeling the storm and watching it and being like#why isnt it moving then u realize oh fuck its headed right for you#like that but u knoe ur body is gonna have a little episode u cant do shit abt very soon anywhere from 1 second away to 1 min#and im in the h and m i have to be cool i cant do what i want to do which usually is either lay down flat on the floor#with my arms over my head till its done or find the closest like sturdy thing like a pillar and grab onto it and close my eyes till its done#cause sometimes i feel like im not bound to space like i feel 4 feet to the left and 1 foot up despite being sat on the floor yaknow#and during the time i can think its liie tbisnis embarasing whoever im with is so embarassed and hates me or its my mom and shes worried#and it makes it more stressful for me#and then i cant think anymore and thats when i have to try and beg someone to get me like water or a coke or something cause#im sure for certain this is it this is the time i actually pass out its gonna happen any minute now#then i ends eventually and i have to be like sorry i acted like i was dying it felt like that and i didnt know what to do or how to act#cause my brain power went down to 3% and im super embarassed and if we dont move on instanlty like it never happened#im gonna be in a bad mood the rest of thr day im also gonna feel ill and horrible thr rest of they day too for some reason#i didnt think abt it but i may need to see abt like college accomedations cause if this happens in my spanish101 class#i have no choice but to flee the state
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do you ever feel like talking to an older adult is like talking with a fucking brick wall with a stubborn fucking mouth
#my mom today flat out told me not to 'list what you think will diagnose you to the doctor tomorrow'#?????????#what the FUCK is she talking about????#she told me not to use certain words with them#THAT I NEVER EVEN USED EVER IN THE FIRST PLACE?????#how is that woman SO convinced im wrong about whats going on#IN MY OWN BRAIN#she says shit like 'i know you i know theres nothing wrong with you'#BITCH YOU HAVENT KNOWN ME IN 8 YEARS#THE EXACT SAME FUCKING SECOND I REALIZED YOU WERE NOT GONNA HELP ME WITH SCHOOL WAS THE SECOND I REALIZED#I COULD NEVER TELL YOU MY PROBLEMS AGAIN#this is a very long story#that hopefully will get some progress tomorrow#sorry for the rant but im way too anxious for the apointment tomorrow#i dont really know what to expect and i dont even know if ill be able to sleep well enough#by the way she is the one that didnt mention things to my last doctor trying to steer it to an specific outcome not me#and she failed by the way because the guy got to the exact same conclusion i got 5 fucking years ago#(things i didnt even know about btw)#ill probably update on something when im back tomorrow#we'll see#zux rambling#fuck
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Thinking about
The time my friends and I had a conversation about what kinds of characters tend to be our favorites
Dated like 4 months before I got into Survive ksksmf
Me: yeah I'd like a kind, straightforward fella, maybe a little mean and without a filter, but who like really really cares a whole lot
Bandai Namco: I'll give you two, have fun
#they could both use a little help on the feelings front but that's okay they're still cuties#also I distinctly remember I specified kind and not nice bc of that one post#about how west coasters are nice but east coasters are kind#like if you had a flat tire a westie would be like wow man that really sucks im sorry but then not help#but a east coaster would be like what kind of fucking idiot can't change their own tire and then change your tire#i mostly had aether on the brain at the time bc he'll call someone a loser whos bad at their job and then help them do their job#but uuuuuuuhhh yeah it uhhhhh#definitely fits other characters i like
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felt really moved by the comments on this post and planned to draw something again then finally watched mob psycho season 3 after putting it off since it released (idk why) and was more touched by the dimple plot than anything on the end, didnt know how to feel about it, then saw something that made me annoying/got the better of me, feeling guilty about it but its been too long that taking it back would be worse and now im back to square one (feeling depressed and guilty and empty and doubting everythign i ever said or felt.. the usual)
sometimes i wish i was one of those artist that make people go "this is a PAINTING???" or "with WHAT programm/medium???" but its just not what i can do or find fun :/
#ganondoodles talks#personal#cant my brain just function#at least enough to not be weird and mean and annoying just bc i cant get myself to lie or ignore it#maybe i shouldnt do that totk rant thing#..... i dont think i can survive the wave of hate that would come from it if it got any views#cant i feel like myself for once#im sorry i keep being like this#my direct surroundings arent any more stressful than usual ..... idk whats causing this#i thought maybe watching something i loved would help let me regain something of myself again#and i felt like it worked until the end kinda .. fell flat for me#and here i can see it works thematically and structurally but something didnt click for me#and i feel weird about it#i am a problem to myself and i dont know how to deal with it#hhhh i need to learn how to shut up for like .. the greater good or soemthing
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